#there was so much more too i feel like i should write a memoir or something.

[alienseason]

Sometimes I fantasize where some freak for some reason is making a retrospecive on the hlvrai Fandom back then and they interview me and I have to explain how at 14 I was asked by some 27 year old to find out who had been sending her death threats by infiltrating a server led by someone who thought that, since they only knew hlvrai, googled how old alyx half life was and got her age from half life alyx (in hla she is around 18?? And in hl2 around her early 20s) and started spreading that freemance was pedophilia and got nearly all the kids into hlvrai to belive two adults in a decades old video game was disgusting and anyone who liked the ship should be crucified- and then angering adult half life fans to where they turned on hlvrai and started hating it because of "all the kids trespassing onto their territory" and causing a mini flame war until we found out who was sending the death threats and they came out to everyone and deleted their social medias and THEN the baby blender happened and i was getting dms every hour asking if I supported baby blending.

[sonarspace]

༉ BLOW OUT ALL THE CANDLES ! (S. GOJO)

꒰ synopsis. you made satoru gojo feel something he rarely ever did—normal, and undeniably special.

content. not proofread. nsfw. öral. blöwjob. cöwgirl (sorta.) orgasms (kinda?).

wc. 3.8k

an. happy birthday to my satoru pie. i love you forever.

satoru gojo didn’t care much for birthdays.

they weren’t a big deal when he was a kid. in his family, birthdays were less about celebration and more about the clan’s ambitions. they were opportunities to build connections, to showcase the strength of the gojo name. grand dinners with stiff smiles, meticulously chosen gifts meant to impress, and the constant reminder that his life wasn’t just his—it belonged to the clan.

as he got older, birthdays became… stranger. his peers either avoided him out of intimidation or fawned over him out of obligation. a few clumsy celebrations with shoko and suguru had been nice, but even those were fleeting, bittersweet reminders of a time he didn’t let himself dwell on. over the years, he perfected the art of shrugging them off. a careless smirk, a throwaway joke, and people stopped trying to make a big deal of it.

but you weren’t most people.

so when the doorbell to his apartment rang on his birthday evening, he didn’t expect much. maybe yuuji or nobara with some half-baked chaos to drag him into, or shoko dropping off cheap booze alongside a biting remark about his eternal man-child status. what he wasn’t expecting was you.

you stood there, a box of cupcakes balanced in one hand and a single cupcake in the other, topped with a tiny, flickering candle.

“what’s this?” he asked, leaning against the doorframe, his grin lazy but curious. “you come to serenade me?”

“in your dreams,” you retorted, brushing past him and into the warmth of his apartment without waiting for an invitation. “happy birthday, satoru.”

he blinked, caught off guard by your casual entrance and the lack of fanfare. you set the box on the coffee table and placed the lone cupcake beside it, turning to face him with your arms crossed, like you weren’t about to take no for an answer.

“make a wish,” you said, nodding toward the flickering candle.

“a cupcake?” he teased, his voice laced with mock disbelief as he moved closer. “no fireworks? no parade?”

“you get enough attention,” you replied with a shrug. “i figured you could use something normal for once.”

the word hit him unexpectedly. normal. it was such an ordinary thing, so far removed from the fabric of his life, yet the way you said it, like it wasn’t out of reach for him—like you could give it to him—made it feel almost tangible.

his grin softened as he lowered himself onto the couch, his gaze lingering on the candle a beat longer than necessary. he hesitated, the faintest flicker of vulnerability crossing his features, before he leaned forward and blew it out. the flame disappeared in a curl of smoke, and he watched it fade as if expecting something more to happen.

“what’d you wish for?” you asked, settling beside him, your tone light, but your curiosity barely hidden.

he leaned back, draping one arm across the couch’s back, the smirk slipping easily back into place. “if i told you, it wouldn’t come true.”

you tilted your head, narrowing your eyes. “oh, i’ve got it. you wished for the power to finally stop using so much hair gel.”

his laugh was instant, warm and unguarded. “excuse you. this is natural. flawless, even.”

“of course,” you said, rolling your eyes with exaggerated seriousness. “how could i forget? the hair, the face, the attitude—you’re a walking genetic miracle.”

“now you’re catching on,” he replied, leaning slightly closer. “being this amazing isn’t easy.”

“it sounds exhausting,” you said, mirroring his smirk. “you should write a memoir. ‘satoru gojo: the struggles of being too beautiful for this world.’”

he placed a hand over his heart, feigning a dramatic sigh. “you wound me. but let’s be honest—you’d buy a copy.”

“wrong. i’d steal one,” you quipped. “wouldn’t pay a cent.”

his laughter softened as he shook his head, his grin fading into something smaller, quieter as he glanced at the box. he pulled it open and grabbed a cupcake, peeling the wrapper with an almost boyish carelessness. his first bite was deliberate, and the faint hum of approval he let out made your stomach flip, though you didn’t dare show it.

“what?” you asked, catching the subtle shift in his expression.

he shook his head, licking a stray bit of frosting from his thumb. “nothing. just… been a while since i’ve had something like this.”

“a cupcake?” you teased lightly.

“something simple,” he admitted, his voice quieter now. “this feels… nice.”

the words lingered, unpolished and unintentional, like he hadn’t meant to say them out loud. you studied him for a moment, the usual bravado softened, the ever-present walls of gojo satoru slipping away to reveal something more vulnerable underneath.

“you deserve nice things,” you said, your voice gentle but firm.

he glanced at you, his smirk faltering for just a moment before creeping back, though it was softer this time. “careful,” he said, his tone playful, “you’re starting to sound like you like me.”

“don’t let it go to your head,” you shot back, bumping his shoulder lightly.

his chuckle was low, and when he leaned back into the couch, his expression was unguarded, his gaze steady. “too late,” he said, his voice quieter now. “you already made my day.”

you rolled your eyes, but the warmth in his tone lingered, settling deep in your chest like an ember refusing to burn out. it was the kind of warmth that reminded you this wasn’t the strongest sorcerer in the world sitting next to you, the untouchable, larger-than-life gojo satoru who wore his arrogance like armor. this was just him—barefoot in his apartment, smirking over a cupcake, his guard down in a way you rarely got to see.

and as the thought settled over you, steady and sure, you realized you wanted to keep him like this—unguarded, real, and yours, if only for tonight.

the two of you fell into an easy rhythm after that. the cupcake led to takeout, and soon the coffee table was littered with empty containers, the sound of your laughter filling the quiet apartment.

you’d known satoru for years now, ever since your paths crossed during a particularly chaotic mission that required his abilities and your steady resourcefulness to pull off. somehow, your friendship had stuck. you weren’t part of his clan, nor a student at his school. you were simply you—a constant in his otherwise turbulent life.

“so, birthdays,” you said at one point, your tone casual. “not your thing?”

he shrugged, popping the last bite of your dumplings into his mouth before replying. “they’re just… another day.”

you raised an eyebrow. “seriously? not even a little excitement?”

he hesitated, his usual cocky demeanor faltering just slightly. “when you’re me, birthdays are… complicated.”

you didn’t push, but the way you looked at him—curious, patient—made something in him unravel.

“when i was a kid, they were more about the clan than me,” he admitted, his voice quieter now. “every party, every gift—it was all about connections. alliances. showing off what the gojo name could do.”

your expression softened, the weight of his words settling over you. “that sounds… lonely.”

he gave a half-smile, his gaze flickering to the melted wax still pooled on the cupcake. “yeah,” he said softly. “it was.”

you tilted your head, studying him for a moment before speaking. “what about what you want?”

he blinked, caught off guard by the question. “what i want?”

“yeah,” you said, leaning back against the couch. “what would make your birthday feel special?”

he didn’t respond right away, his gaze drifting to the candle. “this,” he said finally, his voice softer. “this is nice.”

later, as the night wound down, you reached into your bag, pulling out a small, neatly wrapped box. “i got you something,” you said, your voice softer now, your fingers fidgeting slightly as you handed it to him.

he took it with a curious look, tearing into the wrapping with his usual enthusiasm. when he lifted the lid, his expression shifted, surprise flickering across his features.

inside was a sleek, custom-designed blindfold. the material was a soft, matte black with subtle silver detailing at the edges—practical but elegant. as he turned it over in his hands, you could see the faintest flicker of emotion cross his usually carefree expression.

“figured you might like something a little different,” you said, your tone almost shy as you watched him. “still functional, of course, but… you know, something that’s actually yours.”

he ran his thumb over the stitching, his voice quiet. “you had this made?”

“yeah,” you admitted, feeling the warmth rise to your cheeks. “i just thought you'd like something that’s just… you.”

his throat tightened, and for a moment, he didn’t say anything. he turned the blindfold over in his hands, his usual cocky demeanor softened by something quieter, more vulnerable. “you didn’t have to do this.”

“i wanted to,” you replied simply.

he looked up at you then, his usually mischievous eyes holding something deeper. “this might be the best gift i’ve ever gotten,” he said softly.

you laughed lightly, trying to shake off the sudden weight of the moment. “well, don’t get used to it. next year, it’s back to birthday cards.”

he chuckled, slipping the blindfold into his pocket with a small, genuine smile. “thank you,” he said again, his voice low and sincere.

the quiet shifted, the weight of the day settling in as the distance between you felt like it had shrunk into nothing. it wasn’t just the laughter, or the teasing, or even the gift. it was the way he looked at you now, unguarded and steady, like you’d managed to slip past the walls he kept so carefully built.

“satoru,” you murmured, your voice barely audible. the sound of his name made him shift closer, his hand moving to your waist, his touch light but deliberate.

“hmm?” he hummed, his gaze dropping to your lips.

“happy birthday,” you said softly, and then his lips were on yours.

his lips moved against yours with a mix of urgency and reverence, like he couldn’t get enough but wanted to savor every second. his hands slid down to your waist, pulling you closer until there was no space left between you, his body warm and solid against yours. every touch, every kiss, felt like it carried the weight of all the things he wasn’t saying aloud.

“you’re full of surprises tonight,” he murmured against your lips, his breath warm as his nose brushed yours.

“you haven’t seen anything yet,” you teased, though your voice came out softer than you intended. he chuckled, the sound low and rich, vibrating through you as he kissed along the line of your jaw.

his hands found the hem of your shirt, tugging it up with maddening slowness, his fingertips grazing your sides and sending shivers down your spine. the shirt joined the growing pile of forgotten items on the floor, leaving you in just your bra. his eyes flicked over you, his smirk fading into something darker, more intent.

“beautiful,” he murmured, his voice soft but heavy with meaning. the way his gaze lingered on you, like he was committing every detail to memory, made your cheeks flush.

you opened your mouth to say something, but then he was reaching for the cupcake you’d brought. his grin returned, wide and mischievous as he scooped a dollop of frosting onto his finger.

“satoru,” you started, already suspicious. “don’t—”

but he was already leaning forward, smearing the frosting just above your collarbone, the coolness of it making you shiver.

“you’re impossible,” you muttered, half-laughing, half-exasperated.

“i’m creative,” he corrected, his grin widening as his mouth followed, his tongue warm and deliberate as he licked the frosting away. the contrast of cold and heat sent a jolt through you, your fingers tightening against his shoulders.

he pulled back just enough to meet your gaze, his breath brushing your skin as he whispered, “want to know what i wished for?”

your heart stuttered, your voice barely above a whisper as you replied, “what?”

his lips curved into a softer smile—less playful, more genuine. “this,” he murmured. “you.”

the words landed heavy in the space between you, sinking into your chest and stealing the air from your lungs. the teasing glint in his eyes dimmed, replaced by something raw and unguarded that made your chest ache.

“satoru,” you murmured, his name slipping from your lips before you could stop it. it felt more vulnerable than you meant it to, but the way his expression softened in response made you glad you’d said it.

“say it again,” he whispered, his hand reaching for more frosting. this time, he smeared it just above the curve of your breast, his grin turning wicked as he leaned down, his tongue following the sugary trail. the warmth of his mouth, paired with the way his hand slid behind you to unclasp your bra, had your breath hitching.

“satoru,” you gasped, your back arching instinctively as his lips lingered against your skin.

“good girl,” he growled softly, the praise sending heat straight to your core. he tossed your bra aside, his gaze dropping to take in the sight of you fully. “god, you’re perfect.”

his hands framed your ribs, his thumbs brushing over your sensitive skin with just enough pressure to make your breath hitch again. “best birthday ever,” he murmured, his voice low and rough as he pressed a kiss between your breasts.

his cerulean eyes glinted mischievously as he suddenly shifted, his hands gripping your hips as he turned, placing you back on the couch with a smooth motion. the world tilted, and before you could register what was happening, he was on his knees in front of you, his broad hands parting your thighs gently, reverently.

“satoru,” you murmured, your voice shaky as he pressed kisses to the sensitive skin of your inner thighs, his breath warm against you.

“shh,” he whispered, his tone full of appreciation. “let me take my time with you.”

his lips moved slowly, trailing kisses over your thighs before dipping closer to your center, his tongue flicking out to taste you again. you gasped as he found your clit, his tongue pressing firm and wet against it, sending a shock of pleasure through your body. his hands gripped your thighs tighter, holding you open as he worked you with a precision that made your toes curl.

“you’re so perfect,” he muttered against you, his voice thick with praise. “taste so sweet—so good for me.”

your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging lightly as the heat built low in your stomach. every swipe of his tongue, every low hum he let out, sent sparks through your body, but when your hips bucked into his mouth, you couldn’t stop yourself from tugging harder, yanking him back.

he groaned softly at the sharp pull, his eyes flicking up to meet yours, dazed and hungry. “what are you—”

before he could finish, you pushed him back, your hands firm on his shoulders as you guided him down to the floor. his surprise melted into delight, his grin wide and playful as he propped himself up on his elbows, watching you with open curiosity.

“my turn,” you said, grabbing another cupcake from the table with a smirk.

his brow lifted in amusement, but the playful look in his eyes didn’t waver, even as you smeared the frosting across his sharp jawline. the sticky sweetness painted his pale skin, and you leaned down, your tongue darting out to clean the frosting in slow, deliberate strokes. his breathing hitched as you kissed the trail from his cheek to the corner of his lips, the sugary taste mingling with the salt of his skin.

“another present?” he teased, his voice low and velvety, laced with intrigue.

you didn’t answer, your lips brushing against his jawline, tracing a path to his throat. his breath caught as your tongue flicked against the hollow of his neck, your hands moving to unbutton his shirt with deliberate slowness. the fabric fell away, revealing the smooth planes of his chest, the faint sheen of sweat making his skin glisten in the dim light.

“you’re a menace,” he muttered, his voice dropping as his hands came up to your waist.

“consider it a gift,” you replied, your tone light but teasing as your hands roamed his chest, feeling the heat of his skin beneath your palms.

“some gift,” he murmured, his tone roughening as his fingers brushed against the hem of your shirt. his gaze locked onto yours, the heat in his expression making your stomach tighten.

“you’re welcome,” you quipped, leaning in to press a lingering kiss to his collarbone. your lips moved lower, trailing kisses down the sharp lines of his torso, leaving a path of heat in your wake. he let out a low groan, his fingers flexing against your hips as you reached the waistband of his pants.

“you’re full of surprises tonight,” he muttered, his voice thick with anticipation as you unfastened his belt and tugged the fabric down.

your gaze drifted lower, taking in the sight of him fully. his cock was already hard, flushed at the tip and glistening with precum. the sight made your thighs press together instinctively, a fresh wave of heat pooling low in your stomach.

“what’s the matter?” he teased, his voice a bit uneven as he propped himself up on his elbows to watch you. “you look like you’ve seen something you like.”

“you could say that,” you replied, your voice breathy as your hand wrapped around his length, stroking slowly. the weight of him in your hand was intoxicating, the heat of his skin sending a shiver through you. his breath hitched, and his head fell back, exposing the column of his throat as he groaned softly.

“fuck,” he muttered, his hands tightening on your hips. “you’re gonna ruin me.”

“that’s the plan,” you replied with a grin, leaning down to press a kiss to the tip of his cock, your tongue darting out to taste him.

his reaction was immediate—a sharp inhale, his hands flexing against the floor as he fought to keep still. “shit,” he rasped, his voice rough as his gaze dropped to meet yours. “don’t stop.”

you didn’t. your tongue flicked against him, teasing before you took him into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks as you worked him slowly. his breathing grew heavier, his chest rising and falling with each deliberate stroke of your tongue.

“look at me,” he demanded, his voice low and commanding. your eyes flicked up, meeting his gaze. his blue eyes were darker now, clouded with desire, and the sight of him—his chest heaving, his jaw tight, his lips parted—made your thighs clench with need.

“fuck, baby,” he muttered, his voice a mix of awe and desperation. “you’re too good at this.”

you hummed softly in response, the vibration pulling a low groan from him. your hand joined your mouth, stroking the base of his cock in time with your movements, and the combination had his head falling back again, his hips twitching beneath you.

just as he seemed on the verge of losing control, you pulled back, your lips leaving him with a soft pop. his eyes flew open, wild and questioning, as he looked down at you.

“another present,” you said, your voice teasing as you climbed back up his body, your lips pressing to his jaw, his neck, his collarbone.

“you’re gonna kill me,” he muttered, his hands gripping your hips tightly as you settled over him, the slick heat of your core brushing against him.

“only a little,” you replied, your grin wicked as your hands braced against his chest, your hips rolling against his in a slow, deliberate grind.

his hands slid to your thighs, gripping them firmly as you moved together, his cock buried deep inside you. the wet, slick sounds of your bodies meeting filled the room, mingling with the soft gasps and ragged breaths you couldn’t contain. his gaze locked on yours, heavy-lidded and full of heat, and it made every nerve in your body ignite.

“you’re so fucking perfect,” he murmured, his voice low and rough. his hands gripped your hips tighter, guiding your movements as his hips rolled up to meet you, each thrust deeper and more deliberate than the last.

your hands braced against his chest, your nails scraping lightly over the hard planes of muscle as you rode him. the drag of his cock against your walls, the way he filled you completely, sent waves of pleasure through you. his jaw was tight, his head tipped back slightly as he watched you through half-lidded eyes.

“satoru,” you gasped, your voice breaking on the syllables as he thrust up into you harder, hitting the perfect spot that made your vision blur.

“say it again,” he growled, his voice commanding. his hands slid up your back, pulling you closer as his hips snapped up into you. “say my name.”

“satoru,” you whimpered, your breath hitching as your body trembled against his. your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging lightly as you kissed him, your lips brushing against his in a frantic, heated rhythm.

his movements grew faster, more desperate, as he chased his release. his hand slid between your bodies, his thumb finding your clit and rubbing tight circles that made you cry out, your head falling to his shoulder as your body arched into his touch.

“come for me, baby,” he murmured, his voice low and full of praise. “let me feel you.”

the coil in your stomach tightened, the heat building until it was unbearable. and then it snapped, your orgasm crashing over you in waves that left you trembling in his arms. your walls clenched around him, pulling him deeper, and the sound he let out—a low, guttural groan—made your head spin.

“fuck,” he growled, his hands gripping your hips as he thrust into you one last time. his cock pulsed inside you, his release warm and overwhelming as he buried himself deep, his head falling to your shoulder as his breathing turned ragged.

you stayed like that for a moment, tangled together, your bodies pressed so close it was impossible to tell where you ended and he began. his hands slid up your back, his touch gentle now, almost reverent, as he held you close.

“you’re amazing,” he whispered, his lips brushing against your temple. the words were quiet, but they carried a weight that made your chest ache in the best way.

“happy birthday,” you murmured, your voice soft as your fingers traced the lines of his jaw, your body still trembling from the aftershocks of your release.

he chuckled softly, the sound warm and full of something you couldn’t quite name. “best birthday ever,” he said, his voice rough but sincere.

you smiled, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “you’re welcome.”

his arms tightened around you, pulling you down against his chest, his body warm and solid beneath you. the world outside faded, the only thing that mattered was the feeling of his heartbeat against yours, steady and grounding.

“stay,” he murmured, his voice barely audible as his eyes began to close.

“always,” you whispered, your hand sliding to rest against his chest as your own eyes drifted shut.

for the first time in years, satoru gojo didn’t just feel celebrated. he felt loved.

DO NOT COPY, TRANSLATE, OR REPOST MY WORK ON OTHER PLATFORMS!

[whirlpool-blogs]

whirlpool's personal MOTA fic recs!

I've actually been dying to put this together for a while now...today is as good an excuse as any! I might not know everyone's tumblrs vs ao3 names so I will NOT be offended if you tell me to correct something!! <3

the big list = going alphabetical order in my folder because YES I do download my favorites, it's like having your own little bookshelf!!

non-clegan fics:

nine mothers' sons by @reallylilyreally (truly beautiful, breathtaking, and **THE** John Brady bible for the fandom so make sure you pray to it every night)

at your heels by @reallylilyreally (this one is Ev Blakely, another really beautiful story that helps you understand just why Crosby's memoir speaks of Blakely with such love and affection)

clegan (or gale-centric, or john-centric) fics:

A Direct Solution by @sweaterkittensahoy (Gale & Marge proposition Bucky...so cute and so hot)

ain't it easy? by @stereobone (dom/sub with john as the dom but ohhh man it's so much more than just that!!!!! this fic is so full of FEELS. and it's also HOTTTT. and also the FEELSSSSS.)

all the rest of what I want with you by @london-cowboy (the level of care that went into writing this fic is insane and impeccable. down to its own internal timeline, little egan kiddos, and the ANGST. but it's all worth it, I promise!!)

back home where you're from, that's the measure of a man by wolfhalls (nice little oneshot of the bucks, I love the back-and-forth of their dialogue in this one, it really does feel like two people who know each other well)

bittersweet between my teeth by @blixabargelds (post-war adjustment...love when the two majors are a little messy and a little sad and also john calls gale the prettiest thing he ever saw so there's that <3)

bluebirds singing a song by ourdarkspirits (Marge jumps Bucky's bones. Then Gale joins. Super fun, super hot!)

Close and Yet Closer by Anonymous (LITERALLY THE MOST!!!!!! FIC OF ALL TIME!!!!!!! Gale is a little bit mean and John is a lot bit sweaty. Like all the time. it's amazing and you should read it and it WILL change your life.)

Corpse Song by birdwif (oof. john is miserable in the stalag he's scratching at the door he's gnawing his own leg off.)

deep breath baby by @defnotanarc (um FISTING. yeah. intense and delicious. side note sometimes the world isn't fair and people who are really talented and amazing at drawing are also really good WRITERS too LIKE WTF!!)

DOG DINNER by @wompire (super interesting writing style, extremely poetic and striking. hits you right in the gut.)

everything and the kitchen sink by @swifty-fox (YEAH THIS ONE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE TOO. modern au where gale is a professional dom and john is a journalist who hornily consents to both (1) fucking around, and (2) finding out. in top ten fics of the decade in general tbh)

Freed From Desire by @feyd-meowtha (yoooooo such a fun and free and sexy fic!!! such a great writing style and such a cool remix of all the characters we know and love!)

He wears his love around his neck by kasugayamaisforlovers (Gale character study, he tries to run his little gay thoughts away which is always so fun to see)

hold me like a knife by storm_warning (tw: self-harm, this REALLY gets into John's self-destructive stalag spiral and it's super visceral and wet and heart-wrenching and written with such, such care and precision)

Hound Within the Heart by Anonymous (fairy-tale esque, gets super crazy and pushes the limits of reality but in the best ways possible)

I Don't Wanna Be Alone Tonight by @johnslittlespoon (cuddling for warmth <3 and then a little more <3 <3 so sweet and intimate!!)

I Like A Bad Boy by @nicijones (modern college AU and bucky is a fratty fuckboy type & in this fic he DOES punch a guy for Gale and it's all very hot and sweet and a delight to read)

i wish you wouldn't tell me (about your hawaiian party) by @whitetrashjj (when the fuckbuddies thing gets messyyyyyy because gale catches feelingsssssss, so delicious and meaty!!)

if that isn’t love, it’ll have to do by @irregularcollapse (ALWAYS such incredible character reads from this author, never misses. also facefucking. also FACEFUCKING <3)

i'll be seeing you by @puffanities (a quick 1.6k oneshot but still packed with some really great characterization and powerful language!! 'when the numbers of planes don’t match...')

i'll find you before the dust settles by butidontreallycare (a Westworld AU!! super cool)

in our bedroom after the war by @stereobone (one of those fics that's just like. a pillar of the community, y'know? iconic. classic. eternal.)

Into the Unknown by Melanie_Mikaelson (big win for john whump enjoyers. BIG win. like 20+ chapters of winning)

it ain't for meatball by @meyerlansky (Curt/Bucky. Curt puts the dog collar on Bucky....and it's HOTTTT arf arf i'm barking just like bucky is in this fic...)

It's Not Love, but It's Fun by @sweaterkittensahoy (Curt/Bucky, 500 words so it's short and sweet just like Curt ahahahaha, ANYWAY still such an interesting little read regardless!)

judgment by the hounds by @puffanities (PG, very visceral and tender apology after the stalag fight scene <3)

level-off maneuvers by wormringers (sweet little oneshot of the Bucks in London)

little fix by ForASecondThereWedWon (Algeria <3 <3 you just kNOW those two gay pilots were sniffing and huffing and licking each other's sweat.....this author GETS it)

love means nothing (in tennis) by @irregularcollapse (fics that make you go WEEEEEEEE!!!! every word, every physical action that these characters take is SO precise and well-written. truly like wrapping a soft bathrobe around yourself and also the bathrobe is incredibly sexy and also they're sucking each other off post-game but PRE-shower. also gale's dad!! also margie!! truly such a well crafted AU)

make you feel alive by @sig-nifier (really sweet little oneshot of gale being a little protective of john. and i am ALWAYS a sucker for the 'call off your dog' trope... and it's done perfectly here!)

meet me at the chapel by @swifty-fox (still in-progress and SUCH a creative, inventive universe!! outlaw john you will always be famous to me!!!!)

my kingdom for a kiss upon your shoulder by @swifty-fox (swift can really weave a story like no one else. so many lines that pack a punch. and in the end, they make it <3)

my type by @spaceshipkat (this one is SOOOOO well-written, I always go so crazy for the dialogue!!! such a great push-pull dynamic in this fic)

night terror by @antiquitea (hot! and sweet! and HOT! and angsty!!!!! highlights include: gale gives john a literal countdown deadline to get off)

Obligate Mutualism by bowhuntress (Gale-centric story of trying to get John through the stalag, then returning the England without Bucky, a fic very obviously written with a lot of care and love)

obsessions, and other things by @sig-nifier (the Bucks cope. really great pacing and dialogue, and I always love when fics take the care to delve into john's struggle with alcoholism as well)

of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world (he walks into mine) by @whitetrashjj (really fun parallel universe where Buck owns a bar, just a great read all-around!)

Oh, I do, do I? by @defnotanarc (DIRTY TALK, like the most delicious, incredible dirty talk you can imagine, this fic nails it!!)

One of your Girls by @soliloquy-dawn (9k oneshot and it's great all the way through, Gale is jealousssss of John fucking around, don't worry they resolve it <3, definitely captures that innocence of pre-Bremen MOTA episodes)

peacetime like a liminal space by @spaceshipkat (this one is PHENOMENAL. post-war, John goes to New York City and turns out it doesn't fill the emptiness. luckily Gale shows up. <3)

Putting Words to It by @impalachick (YEAH THIS ONE IS REALLY HOT. John is a snoop and reads Gale's letters to Marge <3)

Reunited by Flowersandthings (PG, cute & funny oneshot of the Bucks being reunited after Gale makes it over from Greenland!)

Reverie by @avonne-writes (REALLY creative, well-crafted story. Gale and John are soulmates and can visit each other's dreams since adolescence. INCREDIBLE journey and arc in this story, the stalag part is just wow. truly such a gift to the fandom!!).

Rugire by Anonymous (umm omegaverse-ish but with deer dynamics. messy. and SO good.)

SHOTGUN. by pornogirl (YEAH this one is awesome, it's not safe it's not sane but oh boy it is consensual)

Song of Songs by @swifty-fox (sweaty sex sweaty sex sweaty sex)

Spin, Sit, Roll-Over by @glumbabie (Gale is a little mean to John and it's VERY sexy of him tbh. 'DOGS DON'T TALK'???? 'YOU CAN EAT'???????? yeah. read this.)

the chimneys hardly ever fall down by @redbelles (another Gale/Marge + John, and it's HOT. it's SEXY it's awesome!!)

the hand of a good man by @stereobone (John rewrites Gale's daddy history <3)

the jacket by @dogmetaphors (REALLY great sense of dialogue and characterization even in 1.6k words, also shamelessly horny and SO yummy)

The Major’s Wife by tryingmyhandatwriting (John/Original Female Character but like. give this one a chance, I'm telling you!! I'm always soooo compelled by sex scenes that like. are actually a little bit unhappy. and this one SERVESSSSS.)

this must be the place by @blixabargelds (BIG win for Gale whumpers. broken bone and LOTS of blood and super well-written)

To be alone with you by Damn_Illusive (THIS ONE IS SO, SO SPECIAL AND CREATIVE!! freaky army experimentation gives gale and john telepathic communication. incredible separation arc while gale is in the stalag. really, really unique story that is such a staple in my mind as one of the the most incredible clegan stories ever. I think about this one A LOT!!!)

To the Moon and Back by @rambleonwaywardson (iconic astronaut AU, written with SUCH care and love, it's so obvious!! and BIG win for john whumpers. who said that -)

Tough And Sweet (Like You And Me) by @johnslittlespoon (sooo fun and creative and inventive, Bikeriders-esque!Gale and a sweeter, more innocent John. really well crafted)

trading paper dolls by ForASecondThereWedWon (Alex draws Gale pinup girl style in the stalag.....John swipes it.... super great fic!)

two slow dancers by everywordnotsaid (unrequited love, John for Gale, through their journey. I genuinely, actually sobbed for a long time at the conclusion of this fic. I am always thinking about this fic. I think it really captures something about the experience of watching the show and realizing in that hopeless, lovesick kind of way that there's no way to go back in time and save all of them. I still get teary whenever I think about this story or hear the song. It's one of those fics that's not just good, not just great, but somehow also really fucking IMPORTANT. this story MATTERS. you should absolutely read it and save it and imprint it onto your heart. I know it's imprinted onto mine.)

Un Chant d’Amour by @counting0nit (really intriguing take on the interrogation center time frame!)

unicorns, and other extinct animals by @spaceshipkat (really, really incredible reading experience. something that actually touches other aspects of my life, even now. I see planes overhead and I think about this fic. I see letters on a table and I think about this fic. just. this author GETS IT, you know? just absolutely nails every aspect of this kind of fic: post-war adjustment, the pain, the LOVE. this fic will make you FEEL it. let it happen.)

Up In Our Bedroom by @steeseman (ICONIC. really one of those pillars of the community type fics, y'know? it's funny and it's sweet and it's painful and the hot parts are HOT. clearly written with SO much care, and SO much love, and SO much precision. every single word packs a punch. absolutely one of my top reads of all time, across time, across fandoms)

When the bones are good by @aramblingjay (a really incredible post-war fic, such a beautiful, rich writing style!! isn't afraid to dig at the hard parts - john's relationship with alcohol, their nightmares from the war. stunning visuals -- the author uses setting and place and motion in such a tangible, real way. I can still see the little hideout spot in my mind's eye, even now. one of those fics that's just. such a treasure to the fandom.)

your dreams, whatever they be by @drylite (this one is super new, and it's just SUCH solid writing!)

You're A Dog (I'm Your Man) by @johnslittlespoon (one of those fics that's a pillar of the fandom for SURE!!! definitely a classic)

[megumimania]

art is in his mid 40s, reader is in late 20s/early 30s, smut (18+), p in v sex, choking, art is hungry as fuck, use of petnames. @cindol this one is for you babes!!

“you alright sweetheart?”

his voice is what snaps you out of your writing frenzy.

art’s dressed in a polo and khaki set with his sunglasses on, a glass of bourbon sitting pretty in his left hand. his serving hand. you almost shiver as you remember the way his calloused hands brushed against the small of your back in passing.

he takes the seat next to yours, his knees slightly brushing yours as he peers over your laptop that is covered by post it notes that contain the editors tweaks and suggestions.

for the next ten minutes the only constant sound interrupting his midday zen was the aggressive sound of you hitting the space and backspace button on your laptop.

the sound of your frustration and stress is palpable and before you slam the backspace button again, he breaks the silence.

“you should take a break.” he offers, the concern evident in his voice and for a split second you consider it, toying with it in your mind. but then reality hits and you remember the editor's harsh emails and the final deadline that is just looming around the corner.

“i’d love to but i can’t.” you sighed giving him an apologetic smile, “first draft is due at the end of the week.”

art looked at you confused for a second before he realised what you were talking about. his memoir.

it was why you were here in the first place. you spent weeks on the road with him heading to every conference, game or whatever event he decided to show up to when his team wanted to remind the public he was still very much alive.

he thought it was a stupid idea at first, another cash grab for his management to seep their paws into but art wasn’t having it. the only way they managed to get him to say yes was if they brought an up and coming writer onto the project.

over time your presence was something he had gotten used to, even though you often felt like you were overstepping his boundaries by being in his home so often. you’d then remind yourself that you were contracted on a professional basis, to ghost write his memoir that you’ll be paid for, in both money and notoriety.

but when art woke up to the sound of your footsteps shuffling around in the kitchen or the sound of you typing away on his laptop on the patio, it made the house feel less like an investment and more like a home. after all it had been a couple of years since he’d had a woman stay longer than a night or a couple of hours at his home.

“c’mon you’ve been on that wretched thing all day, your eyes must be killing you huh?” he cajoles, another attempt to get you to hang out with him.

art takes another sip of his drink eyeing you once more, feeling grateful for the little bit of sun the hampshire’s decided to grace you all with today.

his eyes roam over your figure, not for too long though he doesn’t want to creep you out but he’s not blind. you are a stunning woman and he likes that you weren’t blind to that fact.

“you know you wanna, who knows maybe playing a quick tennis match, will get your creative juices flowing.” usually you’d decline but when he stares at you with those baby blues that haven’t dimmed with age, it sends a shiver down your spine.

his eyebrows wiggle, earning a groan from you but you relented, saving the file before closing your laptop and heading back to get changed into more suitable attire. who knows maybe stepping into his domain would help with your writer’s block right now.

tennis with art was not something easy, despite his graceful playing style he was an actual powerhouse on the court and you couldn’t keep up. 

“you’re tapping out already?” he grins, whilst you’re too busy catching your breath to respond. all you can muster is a middle finger to which he laughs at.

you realised in the end, that if you were gonna win, you had to resort to dirty tactics.

“god, it is so hot out here!” you said, fanning yourself whilst taking off your jacket to reveal your figure. you based the success rate of this tactic on art being a typical man with desires.

and it worked.

who knew a simple dress would throw art off kilter? his movements grew less refined and more messy as the game progressed, with you throwing him off his a-game. his eyes were glued to your bod, you used this to your advantage as you made the winning serve.

the ball whizzes past art and he is a second too late to hit it back. you drop the racket basking in the sunlight and your newfound victory.

it’s oddly quiet on his front, a professional like him that couldn’t show decent showmanship? it was nothing new in the world of tennis—arrogant athletes who saw accepting defeat as a bruise to their overinflated ego.

however the thoughts stewing in art’s mind cannot be expressed plainly, he drinks you in, an incubus-esque hunger taking over him. the way your body glistened in the sunlight as a light sheen of sweat covered you from head to toe, to the white attire that made you seem heaven sent.

oh he was spiraling.

it wasn’t like he could do casual relationships, he had a few fleeting ones post split with tashi but art’s hunger prevailed where his logic could not. he wasn’t satisfied with a simple night.

underneath that cold yet affable demeanour that he spent years working on and correcting, there was a part of him that required something more deeper, more intense.

“so what’s my reward?” you ask, still up on the high that beating art gave you.

he decides to indulge you in whatever you want—his desires can be suppressed for another day. last time he got you a new laptop for beating him in a game of pool. however he’s taken off guard when he feels your soft lips press against his own, stirring up a pot of desire in him that cannot be contained.

so when you end up on his plush bed with him above you, your dress bunched up to your stomach as he fucks you relentlessly without pause, you’re in bliss. the sounds of art’s gold medals, clinking against your stomach with each thrust sends shivers down your spine, the cool metal against your skin driving you insane.

art thinks you’re beautiful like this, all splayed out for him to see, adorned with several of his gold medals, that he has won in several championships like wimbledon and the us open. he knows he’s being mean, bullying your sweet cunt like this but he can’t help it.

he pulls you in by his medals dangling across your chest forcing you to look at the mess you’re making on his dick. “keep your eyes open sweetheart, i want you to see the mess you’re making.” he tells you, his voice smoother than his favourite bottle of bourbon.

you’re lost in it all, your mind reeling like a roll of film as he ruts into you like an animal in heat. he unleashes a slew of moans and groans against your ear, the vibrations driving you closer to your release.

“a-art, ‘s too much i can’t take it.” was all you managed to get out, a mangled sob escaping your lips.

in spite of your brain getting turning into mush each time art hit that sweet spot that set you alight. he looks down at you with a wicked grin, his voice taking on a faux sympathetic tone.

he pressed a kiss to your neck, maintaining his pace. “winner takes all, sweetheart.” he says with a chilling edge, that makes you clench around him as he buries himself deeper into you, stretching you out even more as he peppers kisses to your neck, leaving bites and hickeys that were sure gonna sting tomorrow.

and from the way things were going, it was safe to say that you weren’t completing that manuscript anytime soon.

not while art had you in his grasp anyway.

[respectthepetty]

GMMTV 2025 - Hot Tops and One Bottom

GMMTV offered up ONE straight show, and even though I'm salty that I didn't get Midnight Museum 2 and despite the current state of the world, I have never been happier to be alive at this exact moment that I'm living in. GMMTV really cemented that it is Disney BL, and said FUCK THEM HETEROS!

As usual, I'm listing what shows I'm most excited to see from GMMTV's annual unveiling, but in order to be fair to the other shows, I will not consider one of the shows in the rankings because I am a Jaidee fan first, and a human second:

Dare You to Death

My boys are giving me ~Murder, Manipulate, Make-Out, and MAYHEM~ so I'm already seated, sat, and sitted. I've always thought Joong should play a character who was insincere and a bit crazy, and Dunk should lean into his haughtiness (emphasis on HOT), so even though all these other shows look great, they aren't JoongDunk trying to solve a murder while trying to not murder each other, and it would be unfair of me to hold that against everyone else. I was going to take whatever I was getting from them, but THIS?! Sorry, to everyone else, but y'all never stood a chance.

#1a - Memoir of Rati

Moment of honesty - Inn and Great are fine as fuck. They are already attractive to begin with, so to put them in a historical drama, of course, I'm going to eat it up. This is a serious piece about political and social tensions which I have no doubts they will carry into getting some awards for it. I was getting worried that these two weren't going to have another show together next year, but not only did GMMTV give them one of the meatier plots, the series also has Aou and Boom in it with an amazing story as well, so this was easily my top choice.

Or at least it was my top choice until . . .

#1b - Ticket to Heaven

Religious trauma aligned with Catholicism is my special brand of queer angst, so this series already has me all the way fucked up. Fourth is such a phenomenal actor and Gemini always acts his ass off, so I know they will have me in a fetal position every single episode clutching my rosary and praying for God's mercy since I'm already in my feelings about this. The heathens in the room better read up on some biblical references because if you thought I was doing too much over a cross necklace in Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo and the praying in The Warp Effect, I Saw You in My Dreams, and Marahuyo Project, block me now because that was only the tip of the religious iceberg.

#2 - Cat for Cash

Although I'm a vegetarian, I'm a Disney villain who strongly dislikes animals, yet even I was happy to see First getting advice from cats on how to make coffee and how to win over Khao. This is the FirstKhao romance we have been waiting for! It looks soft and sincere, and even though the plot involves hearing cats, First as the worst debt collector and Khao as a grieving sad boy are their most realistic characters they have ever played. The series also looks like it's going to make me cry, so thank goodness Satang showed up to make sure I would be emotional about every show GMMTV gives me next year.

#3 - That Summer

On the topic of Satang, I'm shocked that I clicked with this trailer. I was ready to write this off as a Hallmark series due to its plot about a prince with amnesia falling in love with a commoner until the trailer revealed that he doesn't have amnesia, and the commoner knows he is a prince. The trailer situated the problem will come from their class differences plus Mond is kissing a homie (in secret), and since I just asked for more series with sad wet boys on the beach, this show goes at the top for GMMTV delivering me something I didn't know I wanted but a show I definitely needed.

#4 - A Dog and a Plane

Tay and New got me by the throat in 2019 and 2024 with Dark Blue Kiss and Peaceful Property, and even when I wanted to be mad at Cherry Magic, I couldn't because these men always sell the hell out of a ship even when they shouldn't. I'm a Jaidee fan first, and a human second, but I'll throw on some polar bear and whale jammies any day to join the Polcas because Tay and New have not disappointed me once in their joint shows or individual shows. So here I am, super duper excited to see New play a GAY flight attendant (a stereotype I love to see) whose man is trying to screw Pun only for Tay to take the hush money yet still catch feelings AND FLIGHTS! Marc's there too, so it's time I was served openly gay men who are trying to join the mile-high club since it's been over a decade since I got Pedro Almodóvar's I'm So Excited.

#5 - My Romance Scammer

I support marriage equality, but I do not believe in the institution of marriage, so I'm thrilled that GMMTV decided to throw me some gay divorce the same year gay marriage was legalized! Next, I'm getting the odd ball couple of Ohm and Fluke with Fluke being a dummy who falls for the first man who is nice to him, only for Marc to think he has a great relationship with Junior, BUT IT'S ALL A SCAM! I will probably end up defending this show with my life because this is the romcom romcoN I deserve!

Side Quest - Tarot Card Series

The theme for this year's announcement was "Riding the Wave" but it should have been "Wheel of Fortune" because there were a lot of shows about destiny and changing the future, so I'm going to rank those in a quick sub-category:

1) My Magic Prophecy

This is the dynamic I want to see from Jimmy and Sea. Jimmy IS a doctor, so getting a clean-cut smarmy version of him will pair so well with muscular Sea being a jerk. I was going to make a quirky comment about how they can now see the future as a reference to Last Twilight, but I'm still salty about that show, so I'll just be happy for them and THIS show.

2) Head 2 Head

I'm excited for the Only Boo kids because I think they should've gotten the My Love Mix-Up remake since I think they do well with being complete opposites that make perfect sense being together. This is also how I found out that Surf from I Saw You in My Dream is now with GMMTV.

So although it was awkward to realize GMMTV had acquired another BL boy under my chismosa nose (am I slipping?), it's nice to see the company staying on brand as Disney BL in its attempt to capture all the Pokemon Avengers BL Boys.

3) Wu

Since I've been watching High School Frenemy through my dash, I know plenty of people will be ecstatic to see Nani and Sky play soulmates, again (because High School Fremeny is gay af!), but I'm showing up because I got the red bracelets of destiny tying the boys together!

The trailers this year were surprisingly lax on the colors, so I'm taking what I can get how I get it. Bring me the RED STRING OF FATE!

4) MU-TE-LUV

This is Club Sapan Fine with a different name so it's going to be campy and messy. But do I think GMMTV will handle fems well? No. Am I pressed about it? Also, no. Because I actually watch AND enjoy Club Sapan Fine, so if GMMTV wants to try its hand at wild wacky camp in an anthology-style series, I'm down to clown, at least for the queer episodes that is.

5) Melody of Secrets

This was originally going to be number three on my Tops List, but as the trailer continued, I got more confused. Then, Force's face blurred and it looked like he got snatched by a demon, so I got scared. Like real scared. I don't eff with los espookys, so I'll be watching this show with the lights on and my Care Bear squad to protect me.

Honorable Mentions

I watch ALL GMMTV queer shows (and even the ones that only I think are queer), so I'll still enjoy something about these shows, but they were just lacking that special razzle dazzle:

Burnout Syndrome

Director Nuchy. Gun in black lipstick. Gun being a sex worker. Off being an asshole. Thor. Poly(?). This should have been my Holy Grail, but I can't believe the show will give me a proper love conflict when OffGun are a branded pair. Also, Nuchy gave me ToddBlack, who I will NEVER be over, so even though I know she can and will give me *THE* toxic couple to root for above all other toxicitos, unless these two are about to drown each other in that bathtub and play Olympic-levels of mind games with each other, I'm reserving my excitement until it airs.

Me and Thee

A soap-opera loving mafioso. Pond in suits with slicked-back hair. Phuwin being beautiful. Santa looking delicious. Est back in his Naughty Babe assistant mode. Perth. COLORS! Just like Burnout Syndrome, on paper it looks like something I would devour, but a third of that trailer was Pond and Phuwin in a bathtub, and in my Michelle Visage voice, "stop relying on that body" even if that's the biggest reason I'll be showing up to watch.

Whale Store

Milk licked cat food off of Love's finger, and I fear this might be too lesbian for me. I don't kink shame, and I'm always down to eat a girl out go down, but cat food? Really, sis? On top of that, this felt like a JittiRain series with Love's character clearly hiding something that is going to hurt Milk's character, then the side couple was crying and making everything awkward. I support the lesbians. I support queer rights AND wrongs. I'll be repeating this even as I'm watching it.

Boys in Love

GMMTV was smart putting all the new kids in a show with Papang x Podd as the little older romance crumbs to keep us satisfied for the time being, but that's also why I'm being petty. If this is the stepping stone for Papang and Podd to be leads for GMMTV 2026, then I'll take what I can get, but I feel like Oliver Twist asking for more porridge, when I should already be getting a damn buffet!

Love You Teacher

This show almost had me in the first half. Sam's character was giving me everything. The premise was solid. Perth was an already gay man in a long-term relationship with his boyfriend. Things were going well even with the accident. Then, the show brought on the real plot --- seven-year-olds. Jesús Cristo. It was a lovely time up until then, and now, just like the cat food, I'm realizing new things about myself and my boundaries on a random Tuesday morning, and I don't like it.

Girl Rules

This is the female version of Only Friends saran wrapped in women's empowerment. No me gusta pero lo voy a ver because I support queer wrongs even when they are oh-so-very wrong.

The Love of Siam: The Musical

What. The. Fuck. But also, sign me up!

Dishonorable Mention - Only Friends 2: Dream On

I've reached new heights in my pettiness because this show is in Petty Prison before it even airs. My blog is a living record of how badly I wanted Minx Mix and Flirty Fluke in the first season of Only Friends. It was the only thing I could think about; then, I ended up hating the first season, so I counted my blessings that Minx Mix only showed up for two whole seconds and Flirty Fluke was nowhere in sight. And now this has happened. This is a lesson in "be careful what you wish for" because I have never been more upset that I finally got what I wanted. Unless the show gives Boston his cake and lets him eat it to, I'm not watching it. Not Minx Mix, Flirty Fluke, or Ohm's body could convince me to do this a second time.

[strangebiology]

Do nonfiction authors really need social media to get a book deal?

I asked successful agents and trad signed authors how important social media is to getting book contracts. Here are some data and quotes about how they responded on my Authors of Nonfiction Books in Progress Substack! Read if you want more details and caveats to the data, as well as my story and why I like social media anyway.

TLDR: Social media is NOT necessary!

Here's an editorial explaining why. But for nonfiction non-memoir, you have to do something to prove that you know what you’re talking about, as you'll see repeated over and over in my Substack article. That proof could be social media.

Trad publishing is very hard and competitive, and sometimes even unfair. But the people who say "you can't get a deal unless you know someone or are TikTok famous" are flat-out wrong. (Also, you can become a person who knows someone by joining communities, attending conferences...hell, you can DM me if you have writing experience and I might hook you up with my agent. There, now you know someone and have no excuse. I've successfully hooked up 4 people I knew from communities I'm in, or something like that, not because they're my family members. I have said "come back when your query and/or experience are better" to 3 people, and 2 people didn't get the deal despite having good pitches and my recommendation, it just wasn't a match.)

Unfortunately, I think some aspiring authors are looking for an excuse, as many of these people don't often tend their writing craft. That is a much bigger indicator as to whether you'll get a deal, even if the trad world still isn't a perfect meritocracy.

Remember, I LOVE social media and have over 300,000 followers across platforms. I mostly do recommend that writers and journalists should use it! I find it sad, even, that there are so many writers with no audiences, when there are huge social audiences who would love to hear what these writers have to say! (But there are downsides too, so it's not ideal for all. Check out the pros and cons for science journalists being on TikTok.)

If you’d like to share your experience with trad publishing and social media (or lack of social media!), I still look at the survey results, so feel free to fill it out here and I may share the results in the future. Some questions are optional and of course I redact the (optional, anyway) emails:

[nesiacha]

Thank you, Elisabeth Le Bas!

Thank you for these touching memoirs. Her modesty also moved me, as she is clearly one of those women behind the scenes who encouraged their revolutionary husbands, who would not have been as effective without them. She possesses an extraordinary strength of character and integrity that many men should have been inspired by instead of placing their individual interests first. The revolution could have been saved (no need to specify who I am targeting here). Although her memoirs may at first seem to portray a woman who simply supports those she loves, it is actually much deeper than that. She attended political debates with Charlotte Robespierre, showing that they were far more politically engaged than they appeared. By the way, I have a theory about Philippe Le Bas based on an excerpt from Elisabeth Le Bas:

"It was the day when Marat was borne in triumph to the Assembly that I saw my beloved Philippe Le Bas for the first time.

I found myself, that day, at the National Convention with Charlotte Robespierre. Le Bas came to greet her; he stayed with us for a long time and asked who I was. Charlotte told him that I was one of her elder brother’s host’s daughters. He asked her a few questions about my family; he asked Charlotte if we came to the Assembly often, and said that on a particular day there would be a rather interesting session. He urged her to come to it."

I haven’t found any evidence that Le Bas defended the rights of womens citizens (I hope I’m wrong because I really like him as a revolutionary, so feel free to correct me). Yet, I have no valid reason to doubt what he said to Charlotte Robespierre about encouraging these two women to attend a session of the Assembly. I get the impression that Le Bas was one of those men who valued women’s political opinions, had no problem with them attending political sessions, but didn’t see the point of them participating more actively in political life. I imagine he had no objections to discussing it privately with Elisabeth.

Philippe and Elisabeth Le Bas form such a touching couple (I almost applauded when they were finally able to marry), and I really liked that, together with Henriette Le Bas (another woman who is too unknown in the revolution, but fortunately Tumblr is here to bring them out of the shadows), she accompanied her husband and Saint-Just (she was one of the many women who accompanied the revolutionaries on their missions, like Charlotte Robespierre, Sophie Momoro, etc.).

I also really appreciated the relationship she had with Eleonore Duplay, where we also see the courage of her sister in adversity. Paradoxically, it’s in Elisabeth Le Bas’s memoirs that I began to appreciate Charlotte Robespierre. Charlotte Robespierre’s memoirs contain quite a few inaccuracies, as other Tumblr users have pointed out, and I thought to myself, it’s impossible, she’s way too “saintly,” I don’t believe it for a second (not to mention that she comes across as too apolitical, but I imagine those who helped write the memoirs didn’t want a thinking woman). Here, thanks to certain passages from Elisabeth and what we know from the Mathons, we have proof that she is certainly not a saint (no one is), but she’s not a heartless, toxic, or selfish woman as I’ve seen (not on Tumblr but on other forums, where they oddly bash Robespierre but blame Charlotte for disowning her brother; those who say these things are inconsistent, plus I’d like to see how they would have reacted if they had faced the same threat as Charlotte). She is a woman with touching qualities (like her kindness towards Elisabeth, her desire to accompany her brother on a mission, when she designated Mademoiselle Mathon as her heir, or that at the end of her life, she wanted to rehabilitate her brothers) but also with weaknesses (I would start with her completely inaccurate memoirs, I think the disagreement between Madame Duplay, Eleonore, and Charlotte involved shared faults, just like the dispute between Augustin and Charlotte, especially the letter Augustin wrote to Maximilien about Charlotte, etc.). Thanks to Elisabeth Le Bas’s memoirs, Charlotte Robespierre is neither a monster nor a too-perfect being, she is just a human being. By the way, I don’t blame her for disowning her family name and her brothers temporarily because the danger could have been real. She was a civilian who didn’t seek trouble, and in that respect, it was trouble (more precisely, the Thermidorians) that came to her. I also don’t blame her for asking Bonaparte for a pension and continuing to receive one under Louis XVIII because life for a single woman was very hard at that time. It took extraordinary strength of character to avoid doing all that, and not many people had it. Where I do criticize Charlotte Robespierre is for embellishing the reality concerning her in her memoirs.But it was very sad that she was not able to reconcile with her brothers especially Augustin before she died because none of them seem toxic to me. If France and the revolution had no longer been in danger, if they had survived, I think they would have reconciled, but I can't speak for them.

Returning to Elisabeth’s memoirs, I smiled when she idealized the revolutionaries she was close to, like the Robespierre brothers or Saint-Just, although after recognizing many of his qualities, she said he could sometimes be severe due to his great love for the country and the revolution. But it’s normal that she idealized them and defended them loyally because she was simply being loyal to the revolutionary struggles they were leading and in which she believed, even though it would have been good to see their flaws in her memoirs. Memoirs are always subjective, even from an honest person like Elisabeth Le Bas. Despite everything, she is attached to her country and is capable of making a judgment when she says in the excerpt, “Nevertheless, he needed to leave; Robespierre, who had great confidence in Le Bas because he knew his wise and prudent character well, had chosen him to accompany Saint-Just, whose burning love of the patrie sometimes led to too much severity, and who had a tendency to get carried away.” On the other hand, what troubles me about this statement is that normally, a person is not sent on a mission based on the will of just one other person; it usually requires the majority of votes within the CPS or the CSG (sometimes in the Convention). But we see that Elisabeth stays in the background yet makes a thoughtful political judgment to better safeguard the endangered French Revolution.

However, I didn’t like that Elisabeth constantly put herself down by describing herself as scatterbrained when everything indicated that she was not. I was saddened by the tragic fate of Philippe Le Bas, even though we all knew it was inevitable. At least they were able to say goodbye. At least he died before seeing the tragic outcome of the revolution. I found Madame Duplay’s death unfair. Poor Duplay family, who went through one tragedy after another but found the strength to bounce back. I admired Eleonore for helping Elisabeth during her most tragic moments in prison. I applauded when Elisabeth Le Bas showed astonishing courage in front of her adversaries from prison to her release. She never asked for anything and displayed extraordinary strength.

Even though I wouldn’t have blamed her for abandoning the revolution to survive with her son in such difficult times, she didn’t do it, whereas some “revolutionaries” greedy for their wallets destroyed the revolution, endangered France, and undermined the revolutionary people's efforts for social progress that had begun since 1789. The obligation of loyalty to the revolution that deputies like Fouché, Barras, or a general named Bonaparte should have respected was found in the daughter and wife of an authentic revolutionary (especially in the worst moments). Honor to her (and to the many men and women like Elisabeth) and shame on all those greedy ones (I must admit that my language is blunt and could be more nuanced if making a historical judgment, but I’m more in the realm of value judgment, so I feel I can allow myself some liberties, sorry for the fans of theses characters it's only my view).

On a more positive note, thank you, Elisabeth Le Bas, for fighting against this all-too-common black legend of the revolution through your memoirs.

Thank you for your journey as a fighter. If only the greedy deputies I mentioned earlier had a quarter of your integrity and courage and remembered that they were there to serve the people, as they are in their positions solely because of the people and thanks to them, the revolution would surely have lasted longer.

Thank you, Elisabeth, for all you did with so many others. May your life serve as an example and a source of strength for us.

[alex-turners-world]

So, I watched Taylor's live and it was quite fun to watch actually and very insightful I must say. So I thought I'd just write a summary of that live because she talked a bit about Alex, heartbreak, healing and, you know, just some bits about that time in her life.

1. Taylor said that she met Alexandra Savior through Alex. And that her favorite Alexandra song is "Shades". She's said multiple times that she loves Alexandra. ( Love their friendship) Also she said that she has common friends with the ex. People asked her about Miles and she didn't give any answers, which is fair. By the way she said that she hadn't listened to Miles's latest album.

2. People asked her why she shaved her head and she said that she had wanted to do it for a long time and that Alex supported her about it.

3. One of the questions was whether the line "I know what you're thinking" is about her and she replied that she doesn't know. (she listened to the album I think 👀)

4. Someone was bringing up Louise's cheap cosplays and I think Taylor saw the comment, but didn't read it out loud, but said it's pitiful (lol, I hope I heard it right and really said that because the audio was a bit bad at times. Queen anyways)

5. She said that she doesn't regret any of her tattoos 👀 (Owning it. I respect that very much)

6. She said that she regrets the way she reacted to the harassment comments. (I respect that too. And she actually apologized for it in her stories a while ago)

7. Someone asked "what are the red flags in men?" Taylor just answered that there are many forms of narcissisim. It's definitely about Alex. After the breakup she liked many posts on IG about narcissisim and emotional abuse, don't really remember what those posts were about, but you can check on @snarcticmonkeys they have literally everything. So I think it's safe to assume that Alex is actually a narcissist, which is pretty believable, considering his behavior. And most musicians/actors are narcissists so...

8. There's was a juicy question about whether she had received an explanation about the breakup and she said "no". I think we all suspected that, but now we have confirmation of that.( P.S. Alex is a fucking dickhead and a coward. And a cheater.)

9. She was asked if she wants to get married and have kids and she said "yes and no". (Her answer was really unsure. I found it interesting, given how much she wanted it while she was with Alex. She probably really loved him and wanted to build a family with him and it was not just a general goal in life, you know. )

10. She said she was an alcohol addict and that she was really struggling in 2018 and she made some mistakes back then

11. She also said a few times that the relationship just wasn't meant to be.

12. Taylor said that her favorite movie is Blade Runner, but I think it's quite obvious.

13. Oh someone said that she should tell about what Alex had done and sell it to some magazine or something along the lines. She said that she would never do that ( Shame though. She really should write some memoirs at some point)

14. Good things: she doesn't drink alcohol anymore and occasionally smokes cigarettes. (Good for her, honestly)

15. She said she's been single for 6 years, so no any boyfriend after Alex. She said she doesn't feel connection with anybody.

So that's all I could remember to be honest, if anyone has watched it and wants to add something or discuss it, you're very welcome. I personally found her live quite interesting and I'm actually looking forward to her next live cause she said she would do more.

Overall she seemed to have moved on from that relationship, she was quite chill talking about all those things. I'm actually surprised she even answered some questions about their relationship. Oh she also said that she's fine with people commenting under her posts about tlsp. She was really nice and calm, I think when she said she's "healed" and that she's "happy", she really meant it. Good for her.

Anyways I'm Team Taylor now apparently hahah. And Alex can fuck himself and his cheap groupie.

[adastra-sf]

Stephen King’s Top 20 Writing Tips

King is one of the most successful speculative fiction authors of all time, and among other honors won the National Book Award in 2003.

His memoir / writing manual, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, offers a wonderful look inside his writing process. Here are 20 rules for writing success gleaned from the book:

1. First write for yourself, and then worry about the audience. “When you write a story, you’re telling yourself the story. When you rewrite, your main job is taking out all the things that are not the story. Your stuff starts out being just for you, but then it goes out.”

2. Don’t use passive voice. “Timid writers like passive verbs for the same reason that timid people like passive partners. The passive voice is safe. The timid fellow writes, 'The meeting will be held at seven o’clock,' because that somehow says to them, ‘Put it this way and people will believe you really know.' Purge this quisling thought! Throw back your shoulders, stick out your chin, and put that meeting in charge! Write, ‘The meeting’s at seven.’ There, don’t you feel better?” [note: something like "We meet at seven" is even more active.]

3. Avoid adverbs. “The adverb is not your friend. Consider the sentence, 'He closed the door firmly.' It’s by no means a terrible sentence, but ask yourself if ‘firmly’ really has to be there. What about context? What about all the enlightening (not to say emotionally moving) prose which came before ‘He closed the door firmly’? Shouldn’t this tell us how he closed the door? And if the foregoing prose does tell us, then isn’t ‘firmly’ an extra word? Isn’t it redundant?”

4. Avoid adverbs, especially after “he said” and “she said.” “While to write adverbs is human, to write ‘he said’ or ‘she said’ is divine.”

5. But don’t obsess over perfect grammar. “Language does not always have to wear a tie and lace-up shoes. The object of fiction isn’t grammatical correctness but to make the reader welcome and then tell a story… to make them forget, whenever possible, that they are reading a story at all."

6. The magic is in you. “I’m convinced that fear is at the root of most bad writing. Dumbo got airborne with the help of a magic feather; you may feel the urge to grasp a passive verb or one of those nasty adverbs for the same reason. Just remember before you do that Dumbo didn’t need the feather; the magic was in him.”

7. Read, read, read. “You have to read widely, constantly refining (and redefining) your own work as you do so. If you don’t have time to read, you don’t have the time (or the tools) to write.”

8. Don’t worry about making other people happy. “Reading at meals is considered rude in polite society, but if you expect to succeed as a writer, rudeness should be the second to least of your concerns. The least of all should be polite society and what it expects. If you intend to write as truthfully as you can, your days as a member of polite society are numbered, anyway.”

9. Turn off the TV. “Most exercise facilities are now equipped with TVs, but TV—while working out or anywhere else—really is about the last thing an aspiring writer needs. If you feel you must have the news analyst blowhard on while you exercise, or the stock market blowhards, or the sports blowhards, it’s time for you to question how serious you really are about becoming a writer. You must be prepared to do some serious turning inward toward the life of the imagination, and that means, I’m afraid, that [the talking heads] must go. Reading takes time, and the glass teat takes too much of it.”

10. You have three months. “The first draft of a book—even a long one—should take no more than three months, the length of a season.”

11. There are two secrets to success. “When I’m asked for ‘the secret of my success’ (an absurd idea, that, but impossible to get away from), I sometimes say there are two: I stayed physically healthy, and I stayed married. It’s a good answer because it makes the question go away, and because there is an element of truth in it. The combination of a healthy body and a stable relationship with a self reliant woman who takes zero shit from me or anyone else has made the continuity of my working life possible. And I believe the converse is also true: that my writing and the pleasure I take in it has contributed to the stability of my health and my home life.”

12. Write one word at a time. “A radio talk-show host asked me how I wrote. My reply—’One word at a time’—seemingly left him without a reply. I think he was trying to decide whether or not I was joking. I wasn’t. In the end, it’s always that simple. Whether it’s a vignette of a single page or an epic trilogy like The Lord Of The Rings, the work is always accomplished one word at a time.”

13. Eliminate distraction. “There should be no telephone in your writing room, certainly no TV or videogames for you to fool around with.”

14. Stick to your own style. “One cannot imitate a writer’s approach to a particular genre, no matter how simple what the writer is doing may seem. You can’t aim a book like a cruise missile, in other words. People who decide to make a fortune writing like John Grisham or Tom Clancy produce nothing but pale imitations, by and large, because vocabulary is not the same thing as feeling and plot is light years from the truth as it is understood by the mind and the heart.”

15. Dig. “When, during the course of an interview for The New Yorker, I told the interviewer that I believed stories are found things, like fossils in the ground, he said that he didn’t believe me. I replied that that was fine, as long as he believed that I believe it. And I do. Stories aren’t souvenir T-shirts or Game Boys. Stories are relics, part of an undiscovered, pre-existing world. The writer’s job is to use the tools in their toolbox to get as much of each one out of the ground intact as possible. Sometimes the fossil you uncover is small, a seashell. Sometimes it’s enormous, a Tyrannosaurus Rex with all the gigantic ribs and grinning teeth. Either way, short story or thousand page whopper of a novel, the techniques of excavation remain basically the same.”

16. Take a break. “If you’ve never done it before, you’ll find reading your book over after a six-week layoff to be a strange, often exhilarating experience. It’s yours, you’ll recognize it as yours, even be able to remember what tune was on the stereo when you wrote certain lines, and yet it will also be like reading the work of someone else, a soul-twin, perhaps. This is the way it should be, the reason you waited. It’s always easier to kill someone else’s darlings that it is to kill your own.”

17. Leave out the boring parts and kill your darlings. “Mostly when I think of pacing, I go back to Elmore Leonard, who explained it so perfectly by saying he just left out the boring parts. This suggests cutting to speed the pace, and that’s what most of us end up having to do (kill your darlings, even when it breaks your ecgocentric little scribbler’s heart, kill your darlings.)”

18. The research shouldn’t overshadow the story. “If you do need to do research because parts of your story deal with things about which you know little or nothing, remember that word back. That’s where research belongs: as far in the background and the back story as you can get it. You may be entranced with what you’re learning about the flesh-eating bacteria, the sewer system of New York, or the I.Q. potential of collie pups, but your readers are probably going to care a lot more about your characters and your story.”

19. You become a writer simply by reading and writing. “You don’t need writing classes or degrees any more than you need this or any other book on writing. Faulkner learned his trade while working in the Oxford, Mississippi post office. Other writers have learned the basics while serving in the Navy, working in steel mills or doing time in America’s finer crossbar hotels. I learned the most valuable (and commercial) part of my life’s work while washing motel sheets and restaurant tablecloths at the New Franklin Laundry in Bangor. You learn best by reading a lot and writing a lot, and the most valuable lessons of all are the ones you teach yourself.”

20. Writing is about getting happy. “Writing isn’t about making money, getting famous, getting dates, getting laid, or making friends. In the end, it’s about enriching the lives of those who will read your work, and enriching your own life, as well. It’s about getting up, getting well, and getting over. Getting happy, okay? Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink.”

[apurpledust]

Don't tell my friend that I did not sleep immediately (she will scold me XD). But what is Napoleon and Junot about? Gib their interactions, their history, the tension, their secrets, what you thought about them, what is good and bad about them, headcanons, some things that you love about them, anything that will save my curiosity before I go to sleep in 4:30 am 👀

That is all. Have a nice day/evening 😌

HELLO!! sorry for my late reply I have the cold and I was figuring how to write this without sounding too crazy 😭😭 thank you @whatever-whatsoever for reminding me to check my inbox 🤩 YESSS NAPJUNO ASK!!!! THANK YOU ❤️❤️ I'll have to give a super abbreviated version because they had so much history *sniff* 🥺

I may yap more about my personal head canons and why I love them in a separate post hehehe👅

disclaimer: I don't claim to be objective or an historian as this is very napjuno-biased :P English is not my first language so there will be many grammatical mistakes😭

I feel like I should first mention that Napoleon and Junot had a long history of correspondence throughout their lifetime. And Junot kept every. single. letter Napoleon wrote to him. Unfortunately none of these letters exist anymore because Napoleon sent a lackey to have them burned the moment Junot committed suicide. (I WILL NEVER FORGIVE NAPS FOR THIS 😭) so most of what we know about their relationship is secondhand from Junot's wife, Laure Junot's (Duchesse d'Abrantes) memoirs. She's also not the most reliable person so it's possible she might heavily exaggerated on some stuff

As for the letters, it's always been up for debate why Napoleon wanted them gone but my personal headcanon is they must've been written in a very romantic tone... and Napoleon was so heavily trying to suppress his feelings for Junot and burning those letters was a way of burying their relationship once and for all

OKAY, SO A BRIEF HISTORY ON NAPJUNO!!

Junot's fated meeting with Napoleon began in 1793! He was already promoted to a segreant when they met and Napoleon was already a General at the age of 24(!). It was during the Siege of Toulon that Naps had asked for someone who had beautiful handwriting to dictate a letter and Junot volunteered to write what he dictated before a cannon fire sprayed it with dirt. Naps was so impressed by his coolness that he made Junot his secretary and Aide-de-camp, and soon they'd become inseparable

soon after Toulon, Napoleon was accused of treason for his connections to Augustin Robespierre and was jailed. Junot , of course freaking out about this wrote him letter to offer an escape but Naps declined.

^ this illustration by Jacques Onfoy de Bréville represents one of their "leisure moments" together circa 1794-95

so after a little while Napoleon got married and found his fortune, Junot continued to follow him to his legendary Italian and Egyptian campaigns. In Egypt, he was promoted to General but he was actually not too happy with this since this means he'll be away from Napoleon often. There's also this famous (or infamous?) incident where he challenged General Lanusse to a duel ,simply because he opposed Napoleon's leadership , with this words :

«We must fight; it is essential that only one of us survive. I hate you because you hate the man that I love and admire as much as God, if not more»

sounds like a chivalric romance doesn't it? :3 It was also during this campaign there were rumours within the army comparing Naps and Junot to "Hadrian and Antinous" . of course Junot does nothing to dispel those rumours 🤓 Poor guy got wounded in the stomach and Naps didn't visit him until the last minute.

Napoleon wasn't able to take Junot with him when he left Egypt and by the time Junot made it back to France in 1800, Napoleon was already First Consul and the power differences between them already put a strain on their relationship. This was further exacerbated once Naps became Emperor.

When Naps sent Junot to Portugal , he wrote a bunch of desperate letters begging him to reappoint him as his aide-de-camp again and Napoleon once confronted to Junot's wife about the letters he wrote to him (I'm like 99% sure it probably sounded more romantic than the ones he wrote to her) . it got to the point that Laure Junot ahd to admit that Junot possibly loved Napoleon more than her and their children.

Junot was often sent away from Napoleon during from like c. 1806-1810ish? and didn't interact much except by correspondence (I think) I'm going to skip over the Portugal /Spain period

Okay so by the Russian Campaign of 1812, Junot pretty much fell out of favour from Naps and the consequences of Junot's actions almost completely destroyed their relationship. By this time period, Junot's mental and physical health was very, very fragile from his campaigns in Portugal & Spain and Napoleon was no longer the Napoleon he knew back in their youth. Napoleon was furious and even shamed him on the military bulletin. Junot was devastated at this and the thought of losing Napoleon's friendship was unbearable after 20 years of being devoted to him.

After he returned to France from Russia, there are several anecdotes mentioning how he would wanderlessly mutter out loud that  “The Emperor no longer loves me” in his apartments😭 Napoleon's love for him was all that mattered😭😭💔

There's this scene where Duroc (Napoleon's Grand Marshal of the Palace) and another friend visited Junot to comfort him and this happened:

Junot obviously didn't believe the Emperor still loved him of course💔

Soon after spending some time resting and with his family, he was appointed Governor of Illyria. (I think Naps sent him there because he wanted him out of France but Idk). His insanity finally set in and there's this infamous incident where Junot attended the ball completely naked except for his medals and hat and his battle wounds were on full display...

Soon after that, he had to be forcefully be sent back to his father's home in Montbard. It was there where he committed suicide by jumping out the window.

💔

Junot's last letter to Napoleon is heartbreaking by the way....

“I who love you with the affection of a savage for the sun, I who am entirely yours. Well then: This eternal war that we must fight for you, I WANT NO MORE OF IT! I WANT PEACE! I want finally to repose my tired head, my sore limbs … to enjoy that which I earned … with my BLOOD! The blood of an honest man, of a good Frenchman, of a true patriot. I therefore ask, at last, for that tranquility that I earned through twenty-two years of effective service and seventeen wounds from which my blood has flowed for my country, and for your glory. 

Like I mentioned in the beginning, soon after the news of Junot's demise reached the public, Napoleon immediately sent someone to his house in Paris where his wife and brother-in-law were at and forcibly searched through Junot’s home to seize and burn his letters.

Oh yeah there's more but I'll leave it at that for now </3 LIKE WHAT THE HELL NAPS WHY DID YOU BURN THE LETTERS 😭😭Like they must've been fucking crazy man,,, omg sorry this keeps me up at night 😭

they make me so

Junot's ending was sooo tragic.... he was definitely a Greek tragedy-esque figure😢 He possibly died believing Napoleon hated him when that wasn't the case. Napoleon, despite reprimanding Junot very harshly for Junot's actions (non-actions?) during the Russian campaign, he still had a soft spot for him.

I also think of like how his life would've been better without meeting Napoleon. But also thinking again how much Junot treasured his meeting with Napoleon.... ough they're so painful sdkjskdljdhljhdjfhdkjhfdj excuse me while I combust

NapJuno was basically like painful unrequited love slow burn over 2 decades . Or maybe it wasn't completely unrequited? I like to think Napoleon was in denial and constantly tried to suppress his feelings for Junot 😔😔😔 anyway Junot was so delulu... (he's my precious delulu cat) he kept hoping Napoleon would still love him like he used too pre-Emperor days. Of course those days will never come back. I guess he was always living in the past while Naps moved on 🥲💔

well even if Napoleon doesn't love him at least I do 😤

as my friend @ promises-of-paradise once said, I think Junot was almost definitely romantically obsessed with Napoleon. Like actual romantic love (I'm not even being delusional this is what I truly believe). Whether they actually did anything together is up for debate, but it’s clear that Junot’s feelings for Naps were a lot more intense than a regular friendship.

also I highly recommend reading these posts regarding Junot and NapJuno's relationship:

The NapJuno bible of course: https://erenow.org/modern/napoleonic-friendship-military-fraternity-intimacy-and-sexuality/4.php

BTW THERE'S A NAPJUNO RPF WRITTEN AND PUBLISHED IN A FRENCH MAGAZINE BACK IN 1926!!!! I JUST NEED TO FIND THE LINK (it's also in French)

and Laure Junot's memoirs! it's available on the internet and she (and imo rightfully) suggests Napoleon and Junot were possibly incredibly intimate during their broke days. Girl was the OG napjuno shipper istg

~~

If any of my fellow NapJuno fanatics want to add info about them more please do so!!! I'm probably forgetting some stuff 😭

[muffinrecord]

Not MagiReco, just Life Stuff

I've been doing a lot of reading lately, not just of star mythology books but memoirs from EMTs, Firefighters, and Rangers. Trying to study and get research in for the story I wanna make. I've also been reading a lot about bears which are slowly becoming a favorite animal. How dare bears look so goofy and silly while being so dangerous!!!! Scandal!!!! I've also been reading about cults and stuff, which is also research. Also medical stuff on how to repair injuries if you're in the wilds with no one else coming to help you. My protag is a former EMT so she needs a decent-ish amount of medical backing.

If I do actually start writing my story, and if people notice it, and if I somehow make money off of it, I think my current dream goal is to start a lil fundraiser and donate money to various EMS organizations. Like maybe help fundraise money so that a place can get a new vehicle with state-of-the-art equipment. I can't think of a cooler thing to do.

I think the next few things I wanna start reading about is Alaska, where the story takes place. A friend is helping me with the inside scoop of living there, but it's always good to diversify your sources and learn as much as possible. I've been watching videos and stuff but I just absorb stuff through physical text easiest.

If folks are curious; my story (When the Sun is Gone) is about star-themed magical girls (magical women?) called Celestials. I'd categorize their magical duties more similar to EMT/Firefighter/Ranger work than police/army stuff. I really want to focus on them protecting the community and the kind of struggle that arises from it. The monsters should feel more like a wildfire than a person. There are infections that develop when monsters and humans live too close together, called "lunacy" (cause these monsters formed from the lingering corpse from the dead moon god), and this presents a problem because you gotta cure these people who are going through some issues and might fight back about it. And if you don't cure them in time, they might become fully fledged monsters that they can't come back from. Some of them want to be helped, some of them don't.

There's a dead moon cult up to no good too, which is difficult for the protagonist to deal with. The cult does some negative shit to the outside populace for sure, but the real issue is that the leaders are hurting their own people inside and those victims don't want to be saved because they think this is all for their benefit. How do you help people like that? Do you walk away, even if they're being hurt? Even if they do want to be helped, how do you do it? Sometimes the protag has the best intentions but it goes horribly wrong. You can do everything right and still fail. It's hard to not take that personally or to feel like a failure.

I don't want it to be too much of a bummer of a book though, so balancing failure and winning is going to be a tricky issue. But I think it will be fun. A lot of the research I've been doing is been to prepare for the right mindset for the Celestials to be in and for different ways for my protag do develop burnout and depression akfsjsafklas. Something I've noticed from a lot of the memoirs is that they almost always start out hopefully, optimistic, and anxious about their new job. Then they develop almost an addiction to the crazy nature of it all, to the unpredictability, the out-of-the-box thinking involved in street/wilderness medicine, and to the adrenaline rush. But as it goes on, that becomes burnout, then depression, occasionally suicidal ideation. The lucky ones get out before it becomes irreparable. We always read about the lucky ones because they're the ones who survived to write a book.

That said, it's scary to work on personal projects because of stuff like perfectionism. But if you're too worried about "perfect" then you'll just end up in the situation I'm in, where you never get started lol. But still, it's scary to write something personal and think that someone might read it and be disappointed in it. What if it's just not very good? The other thing that frequently comes up in my head is "am I really the right person to tell this story? What if I get it wrong?" What if I hurt someone's feelings by getting it wrong? What if I say something wildly inaccurate and contribute to misinformation out there? Or what if it's morally wrong to read memoirs about people's tragedies for the sake of your creative writing? I'm "using" a person's life to mine for storytelling material. It feels wrong to do that. Is it okay? Am I doing a bad thing here?

But maybe it's okay to write something that isn't very good, and maybe it's okay if I'm not the "right" person to make it. I don't know. I feel a pull to move my feet forward though, step by step, and see if I can do my best at least.

I think one thing I'm really thankful for from the game and this fandom is that I was just myself and people seemed to like that. I could shout out my loud opinions about stories or gameplay into the void and people would agree or disagree, but they were generally polite and excited.

This is a lil all over the place ajfaslfaf

But-- if you've been checking out the blog, then thanks for being here :) I hope that the upcoming liveblogs will be fun to read. If you decide to hang out and read my stupid lil story in the future, then thank you for giving that a chance too. But no worries if you aren't.

<3

[historicity-was-already-taken]

I want to echo all the nice things people have said about your work, and add one more: I appreciate that your blog offers space to mourn the Holocaust. Not the Holocaust as a metaphor, not the Holocaust as a rhetorical invocation, but the Holocaust in and of itself. It provides a sobering kind of relief. When I was a kid learning about the Holocaust, my classes always showed me Life is Beautiful and The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas (UGH) and one teacher insisted that she wanted me to understand "how the Jews kicked Hitler's ass!" Which... no. On so many levels. So I admire how your work holds the dialectical truths of mass tragedy and brave resistance. Your scholarship matters, your mental health matters, and I can't wait to read your book next year!

This message is so lovely I was too verklempt to even answer it last night. Thank you, so much, for taking the time to write and send this.

And yes I totally get what you mean. It's not some, as you put it, rhetorical invocation populated by faceless martyrs, but the very real murders of millions of real, flawed, living, breathing humans. I think the rhetorical version, with its ideologies and hagiographies, is easier to swallow.

I hate most Holocaust movies. At least, American ones. They just want so badly for there to be a happy ending and...the Holocaust doesn't have one. [Unnamed legendary Jewish director] optioned the rights to [book similar in scope to mine which came out in the last 4 years] and I'm not even upset, because I don't enjoy that director's gentile-focused quasi-uplifting attempts to depict said events. Hitler said he was going to destroy the majority of European Jewry, and he did. In the space of 12 years he destroyed civilizations, cultures, and languages spanning 1000+ years; more, if you hold him responsible for the ethnic cleansing of MENA Jewish communities post-1948. Nothing uplifting there.

That's why I think I like weird, post-modern, magical realist approaches to Holocaust fiction [see: my boyfriend recently convinced me to watch Jojo Rabbit and Inglorious Basterds]. Telling any of these stories doesn't fit into Western narrative conventions. So make it weird; have the characters dance to David Bowie; make it a Western with subtitles; make the audience wonder if magic or just mundane in the specific context of the story. That's, imo, the only way to capture the sheer unreality of these very real events in fiction. I would LOVE a work of magical realist Holocaust fiction that involves the golem of Prague (if it exists omg tell me!) or something similar. Keeping in mind, of course, that I'm neither a film not a literary scholar. Just, as a historian who took one cultural criticism course in undergrad, those feels the most...right.

And oy your teacher. I feel for her; this is a difficult subject to teach. But...the Jews didn't kick Hitler's ass. That's the opposite of what happened. The Warsaw Ghetto Uprising is the most famous instance of organized Jewish resistance to the Holocaust, and those fighters only kicked ass until the Nazis (quickly) realized that they needed reinforcements and flamethrowers because oops these Jews came prepared. And even the fighters themselves knew that they weren't going to "win" anything. They were making a symbolic historical gesture/statement and fully expected to die. To the point that survivors almost uniformly express in their memoirs and testimonies that the ones who died fighting were the only real heroes and they rest of them are nbd, and this isn't something that should be talked about (which, is something that I'm trying to respect in my book! Like the fact that Zivia Lubetkin utterly rejected any attempt to describe her as a hero matters, even though that's how I personally view her).

Anyway I've rambled enough. Thank you again for the message!

[cl0wnedren]

HELLLOOO POOKSTERS I read some of your P: eg headcanons [I’m quite literally starved because this fandom needs more attention] and I just KNEW I HAD to request from LIL OL’ YOUU (๑>؂•̀๑)

OKAY SO SOO I was curious if you would be comfortable doing a Wenona and Cassidy Amber (seperate ofc) x Fem! Ultimate Detective! Reader headcanons? HOWEVERR if you don’t feel comfortable doing specified gendered reader then gender neutral is also SUPERR DUPPER COOL TOO

If you do decide to do this request then THANK YOU SOO MUCH BOOKIE

a/n :: omg hi hello ok!! so sorry for the very unepic inactivity, i hope you guys enjoy thsi one,,mshahmrka i think the characs might be ooc, i had so much struggle making this while i was at school..,..,ENJOYYY HAVE A GREAT DAY

Wenona ::

Wenona is impressed by your ability to deduce outcomes based on minimal information, often comparing it to reading market trends.

Wenona insists on treating investigations like a business project, organizing tasks into “actionable steps” and occasionally trying to monetize their collaboration ("Ever thought about writing a crime-solving memoir?").

Wenona's tendency to manipulate situations for profit may clash with your moral compass. She argues over whether success or justice should be the ultimate priority.

Wenona often uses their charm and connections to dig up information or secure access to restricted areas, much to your annoyance.

You frequently catch Wenona in little white lies, whether about her intentions or their success rate. The Entrepreneur brushes it off with a grin, calling it "good PR."

Both of you enjoy long discussions over coffee about the similarities between solving crimes and navigating cutthroat business environments. These talks often turn philosophical.

— —

Cassidy Amber ::

Cassidy initially views investigations as puzzles or challenges, often throwing out wild, game-inspired theories. You are amused but skeptical of her "gamer logic."

When Cassidy applies her trategic thinking to real-life scenarios, she surprises you with creative, out-of-the-box solutions that sometimes actually work.

Cassidy constantly challenges the Detective to mental duels—puzzles, chess, or even logic-based video games. You find them humorous, but you secretly enjoyed the competition.

Cassidy’s laid-back, “it’s-just-a-game” mindset can frustrate you, who struggles to get her to focus during critical moments.

Cassidy’s ability to spot tiny details in fast-paced games impresses the Detective, who starts seeing them as a valuable partner despite their eccentricities.

Cassidy loves live-streaming mystery games, and you would sometimes join as a guest commentator, offering real-world insight into game scenarios. Her streams gain a cult following.

ok gyusz see you next request mdbhajadp

[trashforhockeyguys]

Vienna Wait For You -9- William Nylander

Avalyn sat in the green room of the studio, leg bouncing up and down, sweat gathering at the nape of her neck. She’d never been this nervous, but that’s because she’d never had so much to lose before. She was getting ready to out her parents, and immediately following her lawyer, Mr. Jefferies was going to file the lawsuit. After today she’d be free for the first time in her life. 

Jackson sat next to her, refusing to let her do this on her own. She was grateful for him in more ways than she could ever put into words. But all she could think about was the text she sent William earlier this morning, requesting that he tune in to her interview. It was the first time she’d asked him to watch an interview of hers. The first time she wanted him to hear what she had to say, because today would change everything. 

“It’s almost time,” Jacks said from his spot next to her, “Are you ready?” 

She was shaking where she sat. Feeling more like she’d vomit with every passing second. She wasn’t afraid of what her parents might do to her, but more afraid of what they would do to the people she loved. William included, because she did love him. God above, she loved William. 

“No,” She admitted shakily, “But I have to do this.” 

“It’s not too late to bail and just go upstate,” He reminded her, “They can find another way to fill the time slot.” 

“No they can’t,” She shook her head, “This has to be now or it’ll never happen. They didn’t announce that I was doing this, so my parents have no idea, they’ll be blindsided, which is what we wanted, remember?” “I’m just saying, there’s more than one way to do this.” 

“Not with them, there isn’t.”

She swallowed the thick lump in her throat when they came to retrieve her. This was going to happen, now there was no more putting it off. No more trying to find another option that wouldn’t potentially wreck her career. She would wreck it all, if only it meant she would finally be free. 

“Today we’re joined by none other than Hollywood’s favorite young starlet, Avalyn Bradshaw Kreitzbrg.” 

She took a deep breath before plastering on a nervous smile as she walked onto the stage, waving at the crowd a little as she did. She made her way to the seat left open for her, taking another deep breath as she sat down. 

“Thank you for having me,” She said, voice still a little shaky. 

“Now this comes as a shock to all of us, but you’re releasing a tell all memoir today,” the interviewer stated, “You managed to keep this under wraps for, as you said in your book, years. And I have to say, there’s some pretty shocking things in this.” They held up a shiny new copy of her book. 

Avalyn nodded, not making eye contact with the book that would wreck everything, and yet put it all back together again, “Yes, it was incredibly important for me to be able to tell my story in a way that meant I still had privacy while doing it. And that meant keeping it a secret from everyone, so I could tell my truth.” 

“Now, in this book, you say some incredibly harsh, and might I say, damning things about your parents. What does this mean for your relationship with them?” 

Avalyn sat up a little straighter, “I’m hoping it means I can finally be free of them. For years I’ve been nothing more than a source of income for them, not their daughter. I’ve been treated with very little respect, and never any love by them. But that doesn’t make doing this any easier, because they’re still my parents. They gave me life, but that doesn’t mean I should let them control every aspect of it.” 

“You write about being in a fake relationship with Jackson Portland, which comes as an absolute shock to most of the world,” They continue on, “Can you tell us more about that?” 

“We’ve been best friends since we were little,” She shrugged, “But when my parents decided it would be best that we act like a couple, he and I went along with it because it was just easier. We’d be safe with one another, you know? We could protect each other from the world and anyone else seeking a relationship. It was the safest option for both of us to continue the ‘relationship’ as we got older. I only disclose it now with his permission, so we can go on being best friends, but not have to make out with each other every time there’s a camera on us.” 

The interview continued on. They asked more questions about her parents and their treatment of her. Asked about Jackson some more, because he was always a hot topic. Off stage, you could see him smiling at you, beaming with pride at what you were accomplishing by doing this. 

She continued on, spilling her secrets and her pain in front of the audience, and the thousands of people tuning in the second it was announced she would be on the show, very early this morning. She was risking it all, yet Avalyn was strangely happy about it. 

“I want other people in my situation to know that they aren’t alone,” She said at the end, “I want them to know that there is an out, even if it seems like it’s impossible, and that there is freedom. You just have to be brave enough to take the first step towards it.” 

“Thank you so much, Avalyn Bradshaw Krietzburg everyone!” 

She let out a deep breath as she walked off the stage and into Jackson’s open arms. No matter what happened, he would be her family, him and his parents loved her as if she was their own. 

“Let’s get in the car and head upstate, yeah?” Jacks said, kissing the top of her head. 

“Sounds amazing,” She breathed out. 

Because for the first time in years, she felt like she could truly breathe. Felt the massive weight lifted off of her shoulders, and a new life was going to begin. She had two weeks before she had to be back in Toronto, two weeks where she could lay low and just live. 

So she and Jackson headed out of the studio, greeted by hoards of screaming people, and got into the town car before starting the drive upstate. Rose promised to meet them there, saying her family was dying to see both Avalyn and Jackson again. Truthfully, Avalyn was dying for some of the normalcy her family somehow managed to maintain on their little homestead. 

Her phone started ringing half way there, William was calling. He was one of the few people to have her new number. 

“Where are you right now?” He asked frantically. 

“On my way to upstate New York.” 

“I was really hoping you’d say on your way back to Toronto,” He sounded deflated, “How long will you be there?” 

“A week, maybe more,” She replied. 

There was silence for a moment. There was so much she wanted to say, and he had plenty to say himself. But he didn’t know how to articulate any of it. Avalyn didn’t know how to tell him that she loved him, and that they could give this a try now that her parents were out of the picture.

Avalyn could only imagine how furious they must be. Not only losing their best client, but knowing that their other clients would follow because of how they treated their own daughter. She suddenly became very glad she ditched her old phone this morning so they couldn’t call her and harass her. 

“I wish I could see you,” He admitted softly. 

“I have tickets to your next home game,” She told him happily, hoping he’ll see the admission for what it was. 

A declaration of love. 

“Oh you did?” He questioned, “Are you coming with Jackson?” 

“Yes, but only as friends,” She replied quickly, “He is bringing a date.” 

“So you’re really free then?” 

“I am. Finally,” She smiled as she breathed out. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were doing this?” He questioned. 

There were, in truth, a lot of reasons why she didn’t tell him. The biggest being that she was afraid that something would happen and the plan would fall through. And then she’d be worse off than she was then. But the plan went off without a hitch, and Mr. Jefferies called to say that he filed the lawsuit just after she left the studio. 

“I’m sorry,” She sighed, “But I couldn’t tell anyone, just in case somehow word got back to my parents. God, they must hate the world right now.” 

“They don’t matter anymore,” He replied, she can hear the hint of his smile, “You’re free.” 

“I’m free,” She repeated, a smile spreading across her face. 

“I wish I was with you,” He admits softly. So softly you almost don’t even hear him. 

“I wish you were here too,” You reply almost dreamlike, “But I’ll be back in a week or so. Just enough time for some other scandal to take over and all of this will be water under the bridge.” 

“I love you.” 

Your heart soars with his admission, because you know he means it. You can feel it in your very bones, and know once you’re back together again, nothing is going to stop you from seeing him. You yearn for him. 

“I love you too, Willy.” 

You can practically see him smiling behind your closed eyes as he replies, “It’s so good to hear you say that.” 

“It’s nice to finally feel like I can say it,” You admit to him, “I’ll be home soon.” 

Because although Toronto wasn’t truly your home, it felt as if it was. The city had taken up residence in your heart, along with the rag tag group of boys and men that made up the hockey team. Your cast and crew had become your family in a way that you hadn’t expected. You were ready to go back to them, after everything blew over. 

“I’ll be counting down the days.” 

You blush, unable to stop it. You feel utterly undone by the blond on the other end of the phone. In utter shambles at the thought that you finally don’t have to hide away. Your relationship can be shouted from the rooftops of Toronto if you wanted. It’s everything you ever wanted for yourself. To be free and have someone that truly loves you.  

“I’ll see you soon, Will.” 

“Don’t do anything else crazy before I see you again,” He laughs. 

She found herself wishing she could save that sound so that she could go back and listen to it whenever she was feeling down. Because nothing made her smile like he did. She ached to be near him, but knew she needed to be off the grid for a little while, just until things settled down. 

“I promise. I’m just going to be hanging out on a friend’s farm for a little while.”

“Good. I have to go, but I love you Ava.” 

“I love you too, Will.”

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

It's been a very NMJ-heavy Christmas Eve so far. I read the first 2/3 of Mark Watson's book - his latest one, the memoir - a couple of months ago, and then put it down until today, when I spent Christmas Eve sitting in my parents' living room, playing Christmas music while reading the last 1/3 of Mark Watson's book. When I finished that, I picked up Tim Key's latest book, Chapters, which I've had for months and hadn't read, and read the first 2/3 of that in one afternoon. I'll finish it tomorrow, probably.

I enjoyed both books. They're certainly very different from each other. Mark Watson's was mostly what I expected, but went deeper into a lot of the topics on which I find him interesting, and explained some stuff in more detail. A lot of the extra detail made me realize why I connect so strongly with so much of Mark Watson's stuff - it really emphasized how much underpinning most of what he talks about is that self-destructive competitiveness that I like in a comedian. Deeply relatable, especially when he throws in being self-aware yet powerless to stop it. It's the same thing John Robins has got. Sometimes it's just nice to hear the world described by someone who sees it in the same broken way (don't think about the cheating on his wife it's fine he can be an interesting parasocial role model as long as you don't think about the cheating on his wife).

And the book was funny, at times. It wasn't hilarious and it wasn't really meant to be, it was a memoir rather than a comedy book. But it had some pretty good turns of phrase, in the style of Mark Watson's classic bitter/intellectually cynical humour, while managing to hold onto a core of optimism. And as always, he writes very intelligently and thoughtfully and everything he puts down feels worth reading because it's so well considered. So overall, it was a lovely book. Don't think about the cheating on his wife.

Tim Key's is great, of course. I've never actually read one of his books all the way through before. I've loved his radio poetry thing (though that became less and less poetry-based as it went along), and I've read lots of his poems in various bits before, and I've even scanned bits of an ebook copy of his older books. But never read a whole one.

The book as a whole - not just the poems but the recurring themes among them, the order they're put in, the progressive story in the footnotes - makes the poems more than the sum of their parts in a way that makes me think I should sit down properly read his older books too. It's great stuff, and so consistently funny. Tim Key must be one of the most naturally funny comedians out there.

It makes sense that he's the comedy who went for poetry as a medium, because precise word choice makes or breaks a poem, and precise word choice is often what makes his comedy so funny. I assume it must take a lot of effort to look that effortless, but it appears as though he talks/writes in funny phrases so easily that he must just think in funny phrases, that the funniest possible word just comes to him in every moment. It's a joy to read it all laid out at once, like in the book.

And that brings me to how I'm going to spend the evening of this Christmas Eve, curled up in my childhood bedroom (I'm staying with my parents over Christmas) and watching the new No More Jockeys episode. What a great treat for the holidays.

Valice Lavidad, everyone. Valice Lavidad, to one and all.

[motelroom7]

I woke up, and the grief was murderous. Sufficiently insufferable. I am so happy and so sad. So sad, I want to write the shit out of it, but I didn't. The memoir, my Amor Fati, this rooting journey and how to fall asleep at night with myself, who most parts longing for a sanctuary. But, I don't belong. There's only one hideaway. It would entertain me by strange dreams and nightmares. A lot of explicit dreams in the past nights of July. An adulting fantasy at its finest. The opposite of dream is nightmare, I had one of many about being in a car with my mom, dad and brother - we were on a ride at the edge of the sea and the car flipped right into the water but I escaped while the others drowned in. How ironic, my life is a movie. The Evil Eyes are watching me, perhaps. Reading me through the mirror shaped like a door to the abyss I just placed in my room. I'm happy to get to see how much I have grown day by day, and I remember death, so I shy away on wanting too much. But in nature, I'm still a naughty rebellious girl. My growth goes, for an instance, not from the root of a tree but from its trunk being cut down. Now I understand why some trees were slaughtered or plants get trimmed, it's for them to grow anew. Just like hair scientifically. Just like me. I missed a lot of July's sunlight, and my favourite park is like my other abandoned hobbies and dreams. I befriended the capitalistic sapiens and let them milked blood out of my breast. Forgive me, for I have sin to keep this lung pumping and this heart beating. My after effect should cause them to grow fonder of life that is not merely all about hustling to the grave, but a good life is like having access to real nourishing food and as simple as real love should be and divine intervention to guide through path after path. In case life ends, I don't want us to leave an empty journal we wished to write because time is truly brutal, and the metaverse has taken us over. What we feel and think is precious, more than any currency will ever be, and AI will never reach a human's peak.