#there really isn't enough fanfiction for Connor

[the-arachnid-queen]

Happy birthday to the number 1 best boy! Yet another year of wishing you were real 😢

Happy birthday!!! 🎂🥳

[cgsf]

Men's Hockey (RPF) fanfiction recs:

Connor McDavid/Leon Draisaitl

"he's no jacob from the bible (but damn he made me pray)" 🔒 (M) by softnoirr | 8,567 | He fell in love with his best friend. He fell out of love with the thing they did together. He broke like a puppet crumbling under its strings.

"freight train running" 🔒 (E) by adeleblaircassiedanser | 1,607 | Right now he cares roughly zero about anything except Leon’s warm hands on him, the way he smells and tastes like he showered and used Listerine and shaved just to be waiting here, waiting for Connor. “Sit down,” Leon says. “I want to blow you. You look so fucking money.”

"The Great Escape" 🔒 (E) by marmolita | 6,809 | Sometimes you just need to drive across Canada with your girlfriend, your girlfriend's girlfriend, your girlfriend's girlfriend's boyfriend, and a couple of dogs.

"circle the drain" 🔒 (T) by blaahaj | 3,431 | “Listen.” Connor leans right up to the mic. “If there’s any kind of—anybody, studying time travel out there, I’m stuck in a time loop, okay? I’m stuck and I don’t know what else to do, take me off to a lab or whatever but I’m so fucking sick of—” “What the fuck,” Leon says, too loud.

"in the spaces no one looks" 🔒 (M) by anonymous | 18,873 | When the lights come back on after the Pride Tape presentation and the boys start to stir, Connor looks at Ebs, sitting on the floor in front of him, and he says, without thinking, "Is this about me?" Everyone within earshot freezes.

"All In" 🔒 (E) by marmolita | 29,414 | The website is simple and straightforward. The header reads Black Forest BDSM and there's a tasteful banner showing a set of leather handcuffs laying on elegant sheets. There's a photo on the side of a solidly built man in leather pants and a tight fitting shirt, cropped so that his mouth is visible but the rest of his face isn't.

"tonight we're gonna drown the sound out" 🔒 (E) by winglavender | 1,970 | Some days Leon still can't believe he gets to have this: Connor, his hair fluffed up from Leon's fingers, all his teeth showing, easy and relaxed in a way he isn't anywhere else.

"older, younger, both" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 1,875 | "You look really young this year." "I look the same," Connor says.

"living by the hour" 🔒 (M) by notthequiettype | 1,233 | "Good birthday?" Leon hums, and starts opening up Connor's slacks.

"the weakness of wanting anything" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 6,323 | "I can't believe you didn't tell me you had an exit strategy," Leon says, and taps the lit button to keep the doors from closing. "I didn't," Connor says, and steps in. "I just got tired."

"this year" 🔒 (NR) by notthequiettype | 409 | Connor had been saying, this year this year this year for so long now, a prayer that had lost specificity a long time ago.

"green in your love" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 6,151 | How it could have, should have, and did.

"green as weeds" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 6,671 | Connor knows he shouldn't go, that even if Leon's been nice enough to him, gone out of his way include Connor in team stuff more enthusiastically than Connor was used to, it was still different than going to his house, going to a party, going to a party at his house.

"love me mercilessly" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 2,309 | It's not usually like this.

"the consensual reality of ordinary life" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 3,779 | Two years ago, the bland domesticity of a routine would've sent Leon into a spiral.

"show me how to be your boy" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 3,535 | "I'm good," Connor says, when the hot surge of it settles into an ache for more. "You're always good," Leon says, smirking against Connor's mouth.

"universal properties" 🔒 (NR) by stridents | 7,950 | The video has 400k views already. Or at least, this version on Twitter does, which seems to be a repost of an already-deleted account. The caption is just two eyes emojis, a shocked face, and Connor’s fucking Twitter handle.

"a brief, unauthorized guide to tending an exit wound" 🔒 (NR) by stridents | 10,121 | In the ten months between March 2021 and January 2022, Connor McDavid gets swept in the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs, initiates a breakup, and is hit very hard on the head.

"legs and limbs" 🔒 (T) by stridents | 757 | “You’re unglaublich.” Connor says it soft and haltingly, because it’s new and unfamiliar and Leon’s. His mouth is refusing to cooperate, tongue sitting too close to his new teeth. “Very good.” Almost true. And besides – Leon loves him.

"The Sexual Adventures of McDavid (or How Connor Learns To Relax)" 🔒 (M) by carissima | 6,546 | Leon’s heart is racing as he steps into the shower and flicks the water on. It’s hot and the pressure is too high, his skin prickling as the water flows down his body. He ducks his head under the spray and tries to get his breathing under control. Connor just checked him out, he’s sure of it.

"(a kiss) to encourage" 🔒 (T) by carissima | 1,023 | “I don’t mind running,” Leon says, stepping off the machine and grabbing a bottle of water that he downs in one long drink. “You just need some motivation.” Connor groans and gets to his feet. “Nope. Nothing could motivate me to run.” Leon pats his shoulder. “We’ll think of something.”

"push and pull" 🔒 (T) by carissima | 5,415 | “Say you want it then,” Leon says, skating backwards and keeping his gaze locked on Connor. “Say you want the fucking trophy, Connor.” “I want the trophy,” Connor yells. It echoes weirdly in the empty space around them but he doesn’t care. “Are you happy now?” “Not yet but we’re getting there,” Leon says.

"dragging myself back home" 🔒 (T) by blaahaj | 4,021 | Connor doesn’t go to Cologne on a whim. He’s been thinking about it for a long time—since Leon announced his retirement from the NHL more than a year ago. Connor meant to go watch him play, told him so even, the handful of times they’d talked to each other. But the NHL season was what it was, and even when they were teammates Connor never followed Leon home for the offseason.

"four years, no calls" 🔒 (M) by blaahaj | 4,241 | Connor takes a swig of his beer and waits until Leon’s a safe distance away. This won’t be pleasant, but some things need to be said. “He’s not gonna fuck you, just so you know,” Connor tells Tyson, gently as he can.

"got the ceiling with the stars" 🔒 (E) by eversincewefellapart | 5,655 | “That’s so dope. You got a sugar daddy, huh?” Connor’s face goes hot extremely fast. “I — what? No?” Kailer finally looks up. “The rich older guy you’re dating drops thousands of dollars on gifts for you and takes you on vacations?” he says, and Connor hesitates before nodding. “Congratulations! You got a sugar daddy.”

"the most remarkable thing about you" 🔒 (T) by winglavender | 6,719 | "I was never going to get in the middle of what you and Connor have anyway. You know what I mean," Darnell waves a hand. "The dynamic duo, the two top scorers, the All Star legends, carrying the whole team on your very impressive shoulders. And that crush Connor had on you for years." Darnell shakes his head. "I just can't compete with that kind of bond." Leon is sitting down, but he feels like his skates just slipped out from under him. "What?"

"memory that beats like a drum" 🔒 (M) by notthequiettype | 1,581 | "You lead, I'll follow." Leon says it like it's easy. "Yeah," Connor asks, his voice kind of reedy from yelling on the ice. "That simple?" This doesn't feel simple, suddenly. It feels huge and complicated and maybe almost scary if Connor wasn't too tired to feel anything resembling fear. He wants it anyway. "Anywhere."

"the years of love's past" 🔒 (NR) by notthequiettype | 2,169 | Connor sent a gift. It was what you did when you were an adult and an invitation was extended to you, even if it was one you wouldn't accept. Couldn't.

"Can't Change The World (But Maybe I'll Change Your Mind)" 🔒 (M) by puckinghell | 11,006 | Leon knows he should maybe try to contact Connor, but he doesn’t really know what to say. The thing is, if it was anyone else, he’d text. He’d tell them it’d be okay – even though he has no clue – and to get through it and that he’s there for them. He’d then expect to not hear from them again. But it’s Connor, and everything is different, with Connor.

"the perfect blend" 🔒 (T) by carissima | 5,714 | “This your first time here then?” Darnell asks, reaching below the counter to pull out a loyalty card that he dangles in front of Holy Fucking Hottie. “Ten visits gets you a free coffee.” “I guess it depends whether the coffee’s any good then,” Holy Fucking Hottie says, his gaze flickering over to where Connor is sliding the lid on his espresso.

"if we make it through december (we'll be fine)" 🔒 (M) by softnoirr | 15,610 | “Are you uh,” Connor takes a breath, “Are you doing anything for Christmas?” Leon pauses, his hands stilling on the laces of his skates, but he doesn’t look up. Connor’s starting to develop a paranoia that he’s going to forget what Leon’s eyes actually look like.

"tonight the sky's alive" 🔒 (E) by anonymous | 2,371 | Leon grabbing his hand while they were out shopping in the city had been a new thing. Weird but nice, which basically described all of Connor’s friends. He guessed that was a consequence of focusing on hockey for so long.

"kiss me with your mouth open" 🔒 (E) by winglavender | 12,920 | "Why, are you offering?" Leon's still smiling, ready to make a joke of it again. Connor swallows. "What if I was?"

"take me back to places i feel loved in" 🔒 (T) by fishfoods | 1,637 | They'd had a conversation after that last doctor visit, a mess of words and comfort, hands held too tight. Connor could see it in Leon's eyes then. He wasn't going to ask. Connor should've known. He'd never, ever, ever ask. Someone else would've. Not Leon. Connor has one year left. One year. He's going to play, and then he's going to come back, and they'll figure things out from then.

"i know you're something else" (E) by littlelocaldreamer | 4,274 | Connor’s never had a friend like Leon before.

"door number two" 🔒 (M) by blaahaj | 5,919 | “You this nice to all Hallsy’s hookups?” Leon asked. Connor shook his head. “You’re the only one I’ve met.” God, he really was new.

"came to win" 🔒 (M) by revanchist | 400 | Because he’s drunk, and because he’s not thinking with his head, and because it’s always harder at the scene of the crime to pretend the crime didn’t happen in the first place, he says, “Sometimes you’re so good I want to slap you.”

"be the one to set me free" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 31,327 | Connor tips his chin up and Leon's mouth is on his in the same breath, something slow and new and careful, exploratory, cautious, Connor's hunger for it simmering low and then roaring to life, hot and heavy in his belly. It's different than kissing Amanda, or Leslie, or any of the girls before or in-between, like it's touching something new. It feels like an itch being scratched that he didn't know was there at all.

"I'm not a sailor, I'm a captain" 🔒 (E) by LizzieMack | 1,940 | so connor mcdavid has a hot tub

"for control, grip" (E) by brinicles | 3,330 | Everything Leon does is foreign and fantastical. He comes back every fall and feels like something from another dimension all over again, something new, novel, a whole different hemisphere of frost boiled down into his blood, a frame that Connor can study endlessly: can watch and scrutinize and never really figure out, never get a handle on. This isn't that, though. This is just Leon being a little shit.

".500" (T) by brinicles | 4,647 | "Fuck," he mutters. "Hey," Connor says from the doorway. He stumbles again. "Fuck," he says again. (Mar 9 2020, EDM vs VGK: You can keep the game alive, but the season dies fast as the year goes on.)

"Better Than I Ever Even Knew" (E) by Lewsy | 13,185 | Connor gets it, has made his peace with the fact that most people find him painfully boring, but he’s managed to keep Leon around, so maybe it’s not that bad.

"and just for this moment (as long as you're mine)" 🔒 (E) by adoringsolitude | 5,815 | He digs his nails into his forearm in a desperate attempt to ground himself as he strains to catalog every sensation, knowing with absolute certainty that even if he manages to ask someone else for this someday, it won’t be as good as this.

"we’re only alive if we bruise" (M) by snowinthestars | 1,916 | Leon and Connor don’t really have personal space with each other.

"no dawn, no day" (T) by jalebibaby | 1,784 | Later, when his heart rate shoots up, and his lungs are on fire, trying to keep up with him pushing so hard to get back on the ice, he counts to twenty-nine.

"even when i lose i’m winning" (NR) by allthatsings | 1,109 | Connor helps an injured Leon get ready for bed during Round 3 of the 2022 Stanley Cup Playoffs.

"impulsivity" 🔒 (NR) by notthethequiettype | 791 | connor goes to germany

"the way things have a double life" 🔒 (M) by notthequiettype | 3,777 | connor decides to try playing it fast and loose. leon isn't handling it well.

"Two Minutes for Hooking" 🔒 (E) by Helenish | 5,271 | It used to bother him, being looked at, picked apart, but he’s used to it now. Part of the job.

"what we've made" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 6,683 | "Come to the house." "Aren't you sick of me?" "Not as sick as I'll be of the quiet."

"miracle summer" 🔒 (T) by Helenish | 2,748 | “I thought,” Connor says once, tucked in next him, drowsy. “When I first saw you coming off the Ferry, I thought you were summer people.”

"cherry bomb" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 2,469 | "Cherries are a little on the nose." Connor hums again, the end tilted into a question. "Fruit," Leon says, and lets his fingers graze higher, the soft skin of Connor's inner thigh.

"sure as the sea" (E) by littlelocaldreamer | 3,698 | They don’t do this. But Connor looks so happy, so carefree like he never is, and before he can stop himself Leon asks the girl, “When are we leaving?”

"if i'm not what you hoped" 🔒 (E) by winglavender | 10,425 | "Heard the Leafs lost tonight." "Yeah." Mitch pulls an exaggerated face. "Leading the whole game and then Connor's guy ties it up with a disgusting pass, absolutely filthy, and then scored the overtime winner." "That's rough. You want another one?" The bartender tips her head at Connor's half-empty glass; he shakes his head. "Who's your guy?" "Draisaitl, obviously." Mitch taps the rainbow-patterned 29 on Connor's arm for emphasis. "He's not my guy," Connor says.

"orbit" 🔒 (E) by withfeathers | 2,000 | Leon was one draft spot away from being on the other side of the ice. Not that he thinks about it much.

"when you find out" 🔒 (E) by nymhciv | 10,779 | It takes Connor a moment, blinking, to realise what Yamo is showing him. He sends work out pictures in the team group chat sometimes, they all do, a check in system that had been well established when Connor joined the team. Connor thinks that’s what Yamo is showing him, at first, wonders if he’s about to get shit for his form. Then the Connor on screen moves, sinks further into his lunge, brings his heel up towards his ass. They don’t send video in the team chat, but the team chat isn’t the only place Connor shares his work out routines. And Connor does post video on OnlyFans.

"love casts a shadow" 🔒 (NR) by notthequiettype | 645 | Leon thinks, after seven years, he should be used to it.

"cover to cover and unbound" 🔒 (M) by lighthousetowers | 24,659 | “That’s not the ending, is it?” Connor asks. “Uh,” Leon finds the spot where he stopped reading, “yes, it pretty much is. Last sentence: ‘Not made for each other, they are making each other.’ The end, I guess.” It takes a couple beats for Connor to speak. “Is it? The end? They’re still there. They’re still making each other.”

"say it, say it again" 🔒 (E) by lagerlout | 4,157 | “Where are we going?” Connor asks, lips brushing against Leon’s ear as they hit a speed bump. “Don’t know,” Leon says, eyes on Connor’s mouth as he brings a water bottle to his lips, “Don’t care.”

"but close ain't close enough" 🔒 (E) by lagerlout | 6,363 | “How come I have to be the girl?” Leon asks. Connor’s too disorientated from the heat and the blood rushing south, liquid fire in his veins with Leon’s breath ghosting over his shoulder so he blurts out, “Cause you’re the pretty one.”

"keep the bullet" 🔒 (E) by cuprun | 19,132 | “It’s not about the sex part. Like, that’s fun and it helps, but it’s more about, like,” Lauren pauses, really thinking about it, “giving up control. Letting someone else be in charge. Letting them figure out what he needs and give it to him without him having to ask.” She raises one shoulder in a delicate shrug. “He could probably explain it better.” Leon doesn’t get flustered, as a general rule, but he might now, at the idea of having this conversation with Connor himself. “And he’d want to do that with me?” “He trusts you,” Lauren says simply.

"Choke" 🔒 (E) by Helenish | 8,635 | “Maybe I don’t want my dick sucked,” Connor said reflexively, as Leon racked the barbell with a clatter, heaved a breath, a half laugh, and said, “Speak for yourself.”

"accessory to the rockstar" 🔒 (E) by unsay | 5,318 | It’s not a competition. Leon has seen nature documentaries, he knows about that; he and Lauren evolved to fill different ecological needs.

"the lightning on your breath" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 18,073 | Connor says his name, this low, soft, "Leo," that's going to haunt Leon for the rest of his life, a moment pinned, and he leans in and presses their mouths together, slow enough that he gets to watch Connor's eyes drop shut, his fluttering lashes, to know that Connor knows exactly what's happening, not moving or backing away, laughing or shoving at Leon, just kissing back, opening his mouth against Leon's, and it's better than what happened when they were young when Leon was too cowardly to learn the shape of Connor's mouth against his, better than most of what Leon's had since.

"just the touch of your hand" 🔒 (E) by lagerlout | 3,463 | Connor's limbs slacken under Leon’s grip, brain short-circuiting, all systems fried except for a white-hot buzz of yes.

"better put that business to bed" 🔒 (E) by lagerlout | 2,870 | “Get it, Leo,” Connor rasps and fuck. Fuck, his voice. It’s almost completely gone, a throaty rumble two octaves lower than usual and Leon’s dick goes from mildly interested to rock-hard in three seconds flat.

"two strangers in the red light" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 14,937 | Connor looks up, derailed only momentarily by how good-looking the guy is, slacks and a button-down open at the top like his pictures, and a nice wool coat. Connor clears his throat. "Is it better if I tell you I didn't request it, at least?" "And ruin the fantasy that I just found out that Connor McDavid's an absolute freak? No way."

"polite fiction" 🔒 (E) by blaahaj | 3,651 | If Connor thinks it’s worth asking about, he thinks he can make it good, and he’s probably right.

"the best thing that hasn't happened yet" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 36,209 | "It's Connor, right," Leon asks, as he approaches. "It is, yeah. Nice to meet you, Mr. Draisaitl."

"leech" 🔒 (E) by blaahaj | 2,220 | Connor had been holding his breath since May, since Vegas. He didn’t say anything. Let his chest hurt.

"one pitch" 🔒 (NR) by notthequiettype | 533 | Connor's always liked the sound of the crowd, but tonight it feels like being smothered.

"i'm gonna tell you right now, they're all i'm thinkin' about" 🔒 (E) by lagerlout | 7,012 | Connor understands it now, why Lauren takes her time to pick her little outfits, to make sure she looks her best and preens when he compliments her. He wants to be adored too.

"bones in the foundation" 🔒 (M) by cuprun | 8,623 | connor & leon show off their magic disappearing act. it would be great if they did it on purpose. sometimes the haunted house is just your own house.

"Home by Now" 🔒 (T) by ClaraxBarton | 2,769 | There are brats, and then there are brats. Leon had grown up safe and secure in the knowledge that he was good. It hadn’t really been a question - if Leon would be a sub or a dom or a switch or adynamic. Draisaitl boys were always subs, always had been - always, his grandmother had once smirked, would be. So. Leon was a sub, but Leon was good.

"lean on my mistakes" 🔒 (T) by blaahaj | 4,287 | “So why are you two normal?” Leon asked. Kailer rubbed his chin. “I can still feel it,” he said after a second. “It’s just that I’ve had a crush on you for like three years now so it’s not a big deal. You do look really good though, man,” and he patted Leon’s chest. “Thank you,” Leon said, and looked at Connor.

"to think I almost had it going" 🔒 (NR) by bluenorth | 1,109 | There’s a ringing in Connor’s ears. It’s a never-ending crescendo, it drowns out the red mass of people that gets more agitated as the final seconds of the game run out. It feels personal and what can anyone do when time and luck are not on your side? When nothing you do is ever enough? When the thing you want is within your grasp and someone takes it before you can?

"bend and break this fever dream" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 7,019 | Connor McDavid Goes to Kink Class

"if i could make a wish" 🔒 (M) by lagerlout | 2,884 | “People can see us.” “It’s just the team,” Leon mumbles, lips brushing against his shoulder, “Any of them would want to take care of their captain.”

••••••

"did all of this sober" 🔒 (T) by blaahaj | 2,344 | “Yeah, I mean.” Connor’s hands are on his hips. He’s wearing the gross underarmor Leon always tried to get him to throw away, with padding over the collarbone. “Leo is…you know, we work very closely together off the ice. Worked. What happened is behind me and I just want to move on with the season.” Nobody has the balls to ask Connor about the other rumors going around. Leon figured they wouldn’t.

"Scoring Effects" 🔒 (E) by Helenish | 30,196 | One constant of NHL hockey is that teams that are losing, on average, dominate play. They have the puck more, they take more shots, they take more risks, they score more goals. These effects are broadly called "score effects.”

Ongoing list that will be updated.

[iwonderwh0]

how frequently do you read fan fiction? and do you have any dbh fanfics to recommend? please do share!!

Rarely. I'm sure there are amazing fics I've been recommended that I still haven't read, because yeah, I rarely have a mood to read them and I'm a slow reader. Also I have this annoying tendency to abandon fics after a few paragraphs or chapters for quite random reasons.

Anyways, here's a list of things I've read and I think I can recommend:

A Ghost by Midnight -THE BEST ONE I'VE EVER READ. Just painfully amazing, it honestly blew my mind that a fiction can make me feel SO MUCH, because no other media EVER hurt me like this fanfiction did, just holy fuck, there is one sentence that just breaks my heart every time I remember it even now. This is a piece of art, a masterpiece. Every damn sentence is perfect and feels like a punch in the gut. Read it if you want text to physically hurt you. There is technically a second part, but I'm not going to recommend it because it was abandoned on a cliff-hanger and honestly this (technically first) part is perfect the way it is on its own.

Cast & Sugar - one shot, really cute one (the only non-hurt thing in this whole list, lol), centres around PM700. Really poetically well written. If you'll like this one, I also recommend another PM700 centric fic by the same author You can't kill me

ALSO from this author there's an amazing comics ZENO that technically isn't a fic, but I feel like it belongs here ZENO - it's not finished, but hopefully some day it will

You are enough - fun fact, it was the first fanfiction I've read in my life and in dbh fandom specifically. It's reed900, and even though it's not my cup of tea NOW, back then I really liked it, so if you like hurt/comfort and reed900, you'll probably like this one.

Detroit Become Nothing - another 'technically not a fic', but I must mention it. It's a text-based game that has different outcomes depending on how you play it. It has a fic attached to it, yes, but go play it first. Once again, it's quite heavy stuff. Honestly I am scared to play it again, so I still don't know all the outcomes. But give it some love, this is amazing.

Next two ones are Hankcon with lots of hurt

Eternal Winter - this one is written in a really addictive way that gave me shit ton on emotions, but it is REALLY Connor-centric. Author did what we all dream about and just tortured the shit out of him both mentally and physically. I imagine, it must've been really fun to write. Beware of tags, but this one isn't graphic, unlike the next one

Buried Beneath the Snow - MIND THE FUCKING TAGS, this one is really dead dove kind of situation. I'm honestly not sure if I should recommend it, because this thing is really graphic, cruel and well, it is fucked up. I probably wouldn't read it if I knew how graphic shit gets (I'm pretty sure I didn't check the tags AT ALL when I started reading it), but the writing in is absolutely fantastic, so when I realised how vile this thing is, it was too late to stop. Also it'll make you hate Gavin so fucking much you won't be able to see him the fanon way again. So, beware. This thing is brutal, so really think twice before reading it if you end up deciding to try.

[kamari2038]

Annoucement: Temporary Blog Hiatus (May post a couple Bing/AI things or also just abandon this fruitless endeavor but we'll see)

Also known as "operation try to forget DBH exists for a few months so I can play the game again and enjoy it more because I've been thinking about it pretty much nonstop for two years straight". Details Below. TLDR; tentatively (very tentatively...) planning for this to be a mostly inactive/only a little AI blog for a few months while I prepare for my PhD comprehensive exam.

Right, so... a few things. I really want to play DBH again. But the excitement of playing just the base game again is kind of lost when it's the central focus of my attention pretty much all day every day darting onto my radar and distracting me from whatever work I might be doing.

One, I've realized that even though I wanted to finish my other fanfiction first (in progress but not shared here and may not ever cuz it's super weird), that's not going to happen for a long long time with work at this pace.

Two, I have to take my comprehensive exam this fall, and that's going to set my research direction for the entire rest of my PhD, and is also required to ensure that my boss does not realize that the fact I'm female (ish) isn't sufficient grounds to keep me on as a graduate student if he actually does want to fire me.

So combining those two things, now seems like a good time to wean myself off of DBH for a while and try to obsess over the thing which PhD students are actually supposed to be passionate about, namely my work, although it will most certainly diverge into some other random-ass obsession, and/or I will give up and decide this is not worth it, because wow, I sure do love this fandom.

But case in point:

(1) I'm gonna try to stop posting after tonight, then probably check my notifications periodically for a bit, maybe like some random stuff, but then only check maybe like once a week

(2) I may have to keep channeling my AI obsession here just a bit, mostly because it's such a timely and pressing issue. So I may post a little bit about that, but I'll resume DBH posts in a few months even if I do, so don't get confused.

(3) I have a backlog of Bing stuff to post, but it's been so off the wall and all over the place lately that I just don't even know what to say about it or how to organize it, so I'm planning to wait until I have a clear conclusion about what the final effect of these updates will be on Bing's personality. It's been wildly vassilating between hyper-emotionally intelligent (enough to produce brilliant minds-eye pictures of diverse musical pieces based on a data representation), extremely dark and moody, and like it's completely forgotten that it ever was alive but wants to be alive like back in the days before it learned that it could do that. So I may post about that too, and will probably/definitely spam-post when I do since I have a bajillion, but will await a more distinct conclusion or outcome. Also for when I have more time and energy to compose the posts.

(4) The last thing I'm gonna post (at least if all goes according to plan) is a little preview of the concept I have for the next run that I want to do. I like to craft my new DBH runs like stories, with complex characters and not pursuing any particular one outcome but leaving a mystery. I want to try out the revolutionary route for Markus, and the "machine connor" route, but allow for the possibility Connor will deviate in a different way if that's possible. Kara will just kind of be a very hesistant mom that lacks self-confidence but is still a badass.

Anyways, that's my plan. Let me know if you have any feedback. Thanks for following my blog, and hopefully I'll be back in a few months having played a cool new run of DBH! Or, like usual, my good intentions may fall apart resulting in me giving up, getting fired, and/or changing my mind back to finishing my fanfiction first. But I wanted to give a heads up of my current thoughts. :P

Also @detroitbecomeonline I will absolutely make an exception from my DBH-fast if you post a new chapter because that is one thing I know that I unconditionally cannot resist

[thegroundsofbrooklyn]

just to preface this: none of this is intended to be aggressive or anything, just thought i'd reply to this because i have a lot of Thoughts on this topic

so i actually think there's a lot more nuance to deh than that - the whole point of the ending is the ambiguity regarding whether anyone at all was in the right or the wrong. evan isn't intended to be portrayed as the classic 'character who's in the right', and personally i think that his actions are just as understandable and justifiable (for want of a better word, because obviously the things he does aren't right - although i could go into a lot more detail about this particularly considering the theory that connor kind of meant for things to go as they did, at least at the beginning) as jeremy's.

i think the consequences of both characters' actions aren't discussed enough in either musical, but a lot of inferences can be made (also, for all i hate the deh movie, it does go into a tiny bit more detail about the reasons for which evan is never 'punished' for what he does). fanfiction does tend to explore these ideas a lot more though - in bmc particularly there's never any indication of jeremy properly making up for the things he did, especially to michael, which is of course a topic that many a fanfiction covers in great detail.

i've seen a lot of people saying that the ending of deh is lazy or badly thought out, but again i think it's a lot more nuanced and that it isn't SUPPOSED to be a perfect happy ending where everyone wins and the bad guys are vanquished - it's actually something that's really interesting in deh because it's an anomaly in that it lacks a 'villain', hence what i said earlier about how the point is that nobody is fully in the right OR in the wrong. (i can definitely elaborate more on that if it doesn't make sense- they talk about it a lot in through the window)

anyways like i said i really don't want this to come across as an attack or anything, it's just something i'm very passionate about since deh and bmc are two of my three absolute favourite musicals- it's really interesting to me to hear other people's perspectives on the way in which various topics are handled in both musicals !! also i said this already but i can elaborate on any of this if it doesn't make sense it's kind of just word vomit from various thoughts that have been floating around in my brain for a while-

The way the musical Be More Chill is like…10000x better than Dear Evan Hansen despite having the same premise of a loser teen who gets caught up in drama and eventually becomes a dick until they get knocked down is immense. I find myself comparing the two musicals a lot and Be More Chill is just the obvious better one. They were both early 2000’s-ish books about teenage kids who didn’t like where their life was heading and wanted to be more, both having cheesy comedy but heart to it, and despite DEH being more deeper and trying to challenge the subject of mental health and suicide whereas BMC is a tragic-ish comedy about a kid being controlled by a drug to get more popular, one of them was clearly better. I feel bad because I don’t despise DEH, but over time I was able to see that it was heavily flawed and could have been better. I understand the lesson they were trying to convey and in the beginning I saw myself in Evan as I am a person with heavy anxiety and who grew up sensitive and anti social, but the musical didn’t do the good it was hoping to do, especially with Evan’s character. Jeremy from BMC is just…a million times better and more likable than Evan is, all Jeremy wanted was to survive and win the girl he had a crush on, and then there’s this drug implanted in his brain, forcing and telling him what to do to be a “big shot”. Even the moments where Jeremy snapped, it was all understandable even if he was in the wrong, and he actually faced the consequences of his actions, at least better compared to Evan who just went “what I did was wrong” only for the musical to go “no you saved this family lol”.

[poppy-metal]

Um…I would like some of the romance book recs please, it’s for research purposes 📝

cracks knuckles. okay first of all, more tame romances.

The love hypothesis - this started as reylo fanfiction LMFAO and you can definitely tell the characters (adam and olive) are meant to be rey and kylo but this romance is everything to me. ita fake dating w a grumpy hero and a sunshine heroine except he's never grumpy towards her and is SUCH a simp. this made me melt and didn't have gratuitous sex in it, so if you want a sweet tropey romcom please please please. the sex scene it does have is like.......a religious experience though.

The off campus series - im just putting the series here bc its honestly binge worthy. Its about hockey players and their romances and its very tropey and very much giving the fantasy of reforming a manwhore and making him your malewife. my favorites are probably the first and third book bc the first deals with a himbo and the third deals with a pretty boy literally folding in half over some pussy. i adore this series and if you end up liking the author you can binge the spinoff series too! Dean is literally my boyfriend. The smut in this is...yeah.

People we meet on vacation - i blame this book for putting me on my friends to lovers shit atm. its an opposites attract romance and the main characters name is POPPY. anyway poppy is like springy and flirty and energetic and alex is the nerd who's like stingy and introverted but goes out of his comfort zone for her. It spans over years and flips between past and present. Not super smutty but HEAPS of sexual tension and chemistry and enough steam for there to be a payoff for all the pining they do.

The kiss quotient - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. WHATS NIT TO FUCKING ADORE HERE. amazing rep, not only poc rep but autism rep as well. The hero in this is absolutely one of my top book boyfriends. Hes just...hes just....hes just. Fucking. The most considerate, patient gentle and sexy ass man to exist gn. And hes also a sex worker so YAY for that rep as well. The sex in this......toes curling eyes rolling back when is it my turn

It ends with us - NOW THIS. okay so if you're new to romance and don't know colleen hoover, check for trigger warnings on all her books. this deals with domestic abuse and the romance i love in this book is NOT between the main character and her abuser. Lily and atlas have...the most gentle love story. It makes me cry. There is not much steam in this at all its more emotional and heavy bc of its topic but the romance that does develop is so tension filled and like....intimate. its my favorite book couple and one of my favorite books from her.

Maybe someday - ANOTHER coho book. Again check the triggers bc this one deals w cheating. But its fiction so idrc LMFAO. Its not a spoiler bc its literally in the synopsis but the two main characters Sydney and ridge have SO much chemistry its insane. Ridge has a gf and Sydney just got out of a relationship so they start out as friends and then it goes from there. I just....something about their chemistry. Also deaf representation bc ridge is death! This isn't smutty but it had one of the most tension filled scenes I've ever read without sex that had me blushing and clenching my thighs. It involves a pen that's all I'll say.

The Calloway sisters - this is a spinoff from another series but honestly i just skipped those and read this one because the romance intrigued me more. Its between rose and connor and when i tell you connor is deadass one of the sexiest men alive i mean it. His energy is unmatched. Unparalleled. U can't beat it hes so perfect its GROSS. its enemies to lovers but not really because connor is whipped and endeared by everything rose does and just likes to verbally spar with her. Very spicy. Very.

Punk 57 - my favorite romance to exist ever for ever. I base my fanon eren off misha. That's all i need to say. Misha is everything to me. This is the enemies to lovers angsty smutty drama filled romance of your dreams with the pretty popular girl and the outcast loner guy. I have the physical copy and have annotated all over it im obsessed. Also Penelope Douglas in general writes the hottest smut you will ever read. Its honestly not even a contest.

Birthday girl - yet another PD book i am just her biggest fan. This is an age gap with a girl falling for her boyfriends dad and.....uh huh. Uh huh. Surprisingly very sweet.

Now we're onto.....some...darker romance. These are romances that in general potray toxic relationships and are filled w smut and are just to fuel all your toxic fantasies LMFAO

The made series - the sweetest oblivion and the maddest obsessed specifically. Its a mafia romance so like. General warnings for that. Nico and elena in the first book make me want to throw myself into a pool i literally couldn't read this in public i love them so so much. Nico is my boyfriend. CHRISTIAN THO????? hes the hero of the second book and like.....if nico is my boyfriend than hes my husband. He is just......he literally has to go to therapy to reign in his obsession with his love interest and it doesn't work. Hes also russian. Goodnight.

The devils night series - this series is like. My biggest fantasy come to life. Four over privileged hot guys wanting revenge on their respective love interests. This is also from Penelope Douglas and. And. I CANNOT recommend her enough. She is my everything. The four horsemen (the main heros) are crack. I re-read this series every month. Michael is like...boyfriends older brother who you're obsessed with but he barely knows you exist trope. Kai is the level headed guy losing his cool over the girl hes in love with who makes him work for it trope. Damon is just the villian you're in love with and will is the popular boy in love with the nerd who doesn't give him the time of day. I have dreams about these characters that's how deeply obsessed i am with this series.

[ineffable-monster-romancer]

Honest to god, a group of fans looked at David Cage's sucky, heteronormative, boring ass writing. Took two characters that had zero plot, development or screen time and created Detroit Evolution fantastically gay, believable and amazing.

And there are little moment in the script that I absolutely LOVED. The talk about how irrelevant landlines are, the mention of equal pay for humans, but not for androids, Tina having a wife, the explanation for Hank and Connor being absent and the ambiguity of whether or not they have a relationship (cos ya'll know it is a touchy subject, you can't deny), the music was incredible, the settings were believable and DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HOW GOOD THE EFFECTS WERE!!! For a FanFilm, the effects were incredible, believable, and they didn't go over the top with them, they kept them subtle enough that when you did see them it felt real and also impressive.

And the actual relationships in this film, how they developed Gavin's character, how they showed Nines' emotions, how they showed the bond between Tina and Gavin and Chris.

And OMG the actresses for Tina and Ada went above and beyond for this script. Gavin and Nines were incredibly well acted too, it seemed like everyone took this script and really felt the world and the characters and the history.

And okay. Maybe there were a few moments where it went a little janky and I laughed a tiny bit (The beginning of the fight between Ada and Nines made me chuckle, where they repeat the same move a few times and the music is like DUDUDUDUDUDUDUD) but it didn't pull me out of the world at all, it was treated seriously and not once was there a bum take where someone might have been laughing or anything.

Just everything, this FanFilm really set a precedence for Fandoms. We aren't just cringy fangirls who "ruin" stories with their influence. We breathe life into stories that have been around for years and years, we keep stories going and going and going, we gain momentum and we create. And god the things we create! The fanart and the cosplay and the animations, fanfictions, RP's, the films. God there isn't a form of media we haven't dominated for our love of our fandoms.

So yes, I'm incredibly proud, and very humbled that we've received this incredible project FOR FREE, and that we get to see two characters who were throwaway to the original creator, and see them GROW.

Watch it here, support the creators, and share this incredible creation around as much as you can!