he/they|| In a shit ton of fandoms||occasional writer Shadowhale(https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowhale) on AO3!
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Chapter 2 is up!
Team selection happens, nobody is good at being subtle and everyone is having a bad time
#naruto#sasuke uchiha#naruto uzumaki#sakura haruno#shikamaru nara#kakashi hatake#asuma sarutobi#What we lost in the fire#WWLITF
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I hope none of you disappear in the coming days. Seriously don't do anything that can't be undone.
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This is different from my usual posts but still as important. This might sound insane, but truthfully, my chapter will not be out until after we get election results. Even then, depending on the outcome, I might now update for a week or two.
I ask that everyone who is a registered voter in the United States of America to please go out and vote tomorrow. Vote with the thought of women in mind, the thought of your current or future children, or with just the thought of children in mind. Vote with the thought of the LGBTQ+ community in mind. Vote with the thought of our education system. The thought of gun safety.
GO VOTE.
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Hi, i wanted to say i really absolutely adore your fic where percy and crew where dropped back into the lightning thief with most of their memories intact
Hi!
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it :)
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Hey, I wanna talk about how we do fandom! I've come to realize that I, personally, tend to differ from many others in that I highly prefer to only engage with a text as it's written, so I don't tend to really like fanon/extremely ooc characterizations and I find it hard to get invested in ships that aren't canon. My way of doing fandom isn't better or worse than anyone else's, but I am curious about how much of a minority I'm in! So:
*We've all seen ships of characters not from the same media and stuff like shipping the concept of ennui with the color blue, okay, I'm asking what you, personally, find compelling!
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In my mind shizun binghe always has his head on shen yuans shoulder and his arms around his head disciples waist... he loves sneaking up on shen yuan from behind and pulling him into his embrace while shen yuan is reading a book and asking "what's this one about?"
At first it was just to tease him because binghe loved watching shen yuan shriek and jump in place. But he eventually got used to it so it just became... normal and domestic.
Need Binghe to happily come home and go straight for his disciple at the desk sorting through mail, nuzzling into shen yuans shoulder and neck and making shen yuan laugh with his tickling. Him asking "is there anything I need to know about?" Before catching sight of the letter in shen yuans hand and seeing that it's an offer of marriage. Sent to shen yuan.
Binghe snatching the letter out of shen yuans hand, angrily pacing around the room as his qi burns the paper in his hand. Shen Yuan knows only the protagonist is allowed to have a woman, but why is shizun acting this way!? He wasn't going to accept!
Binghe: how dare you not tell me about this immediately, shen yuan!?
Shen yuan: why would this disciple bother shizun with something so trivial?? We recieve such letters almost weekly-
Binghe: WEEKLY!? From now on you are to throw them away without even sparing them a glance
Shen yuan: but then how will I write back to turn them down? It would damage the sects reputation to ignore-
Binghe about to have a qi deviation: you write them back!?!??
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Immortal Alliance Conferece had spirit eagles watching and projecting everything that happened in the stadium to all the spectators so I'm just imagining role reversal au. Since shen yuan joined the peak when he was already well in his teens and he's 20 now, this is his first and last conference.
Binghe is very excited to show off how strong and elegant his disciple is, but he forgets that since it's a seven day event, shen yuan will eventually have to take a bath.
Shen Yuan slowly stripping off his clothes by a riverside and hissing as he slips into the cold water like a pampered cat. Luckily it's night time so no one sees anything other than the vague outline of his body but Luo binghe is yelling throwing a fit demanding that they censor out his disciple bathing you perverts!! But everyone insists "there are powerful demons in the water, we'll miss the fight if we do that."
Binghe: ... alright. You're right. That is reasonable. I'll be right back. Excuse me
Binghe teleporting to the demon realm with xin mo: mobei jun get ready. You will amass a small army to invade and end the immortal alliance conference at ONCE.
Shen yuan catching up to binghe with his hair still wet and his robe sticking to his skin asking "what's going on!?" And binghe just smiles and places his own robe around a-Yuan and goes don't worry about it 😊 some demons showed up but they already left :) guess we'll just have to return to our house- our sect until they figure out what happened!
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Found an interesting 80k word role reversal fic but it's not bingyuan
Still though, I'm only a few chapters in but it's good so far
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You know what one of the (in my opinion) least talked about moments in pjo is? Percy convincing the gods not to kill the ophiotaurus.
Like ok Percy likes the sea-cow and named it bessie and stood up for it or whatever but also he convinced the gods to take this monster that they were so afraid of and take care of it instead of killing it (which would have been easier btw)
Convinced the gods who are so used to eradicating everything that scares them (Gaea having her husband killed out of fear for her children, Kronos eating his kids out of fear for his throne, Odysseus throwing an infant over a wall because he feared what it may grow into) to instead nurture it, protect it, care for it
This child who hadn’t eaten in since lunchtime the day he left for the quest (he left without eating dinner and had like one muffin before grover got the call of the wild), this child who was dirty and tired and hungry and hurt, this child whose death they were just considering, was begging them to take in a monster he had know for a few hours in total. Arguing against 12 all powerful, immortal gods to save a monster.
and the insane thing is that it worked, they took it in, they cared for it, and they protected it.
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Percy and Luke return the bolt to Olympus, shockingly this does not go well.
#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#luke castellan#annabeth chase#grover underwood#zeus(pjo)#poseidon(pjo)
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Incredibly frustrating getting a burst of motivation, opening up my Google docs, then promptly losing any of that motivation
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Disciple Shen Yuan au.
As it's been established before, Shen Jiu is an incredibly traumatized man, who took that cycle of abuse and made it a snowball turned avalanche of abuse.
He made up survival rules that served him well as a child on the streets, but only isolated him as a Peak Lord. He's paranoid, hateful and erratic. He's well aware that he's a bad man, he sees himself as the scorpion asking a frog for a ride, and he can't see that he does not sting because such is his nature, he stings because he believes with such certainty he knows the frog will drown him. And even if he went mad and decided to be good, he wouldn't even know where to start.
We learn by example, and we're well aware of the examples to follow available for him.
On that note, now that he's Peak Lord, he recreates his own trauma as the abuser. It gives him a sense of power, and it makes things fair, because if he couldn't have a kind master, then why should they (his disciples). It would be unjust, to let them have what he didn't, it wouldn't make sense, because now that he's at the top he sees how easy it could be to not do things. He doesn't need to whip these children, to make them kneel under the sun for ours on end. But he does anyways, he doesn't derive amusement from it, but if Qiu Jianluo could just not pay attention to him when he had the choice and did anyway, why would he give his disciples the reprieve he didn't have?
And he knows what is done to cruel masters. He knows that if given the chance, those cowering pathetic creatures will turn on him.
He won't let them.
In the end, he does not regard any of them as his students. And when Luo Binghe arrives, Shen Qingqiu ends up behaving as a less predatory Qiu Jianluo; he places Luo Binghe in the role of Xiao Jiu and Ning Yingying as Qiu Haitang. And, in the back of his mind he feels he can understand Qiu Jianluo for the first time (he's wrong, the monster Qiu Jianluo was and the monster Shen Jiu became are not the same. But Shen Qingqiu always thought he understood people very well, never realizing that what he read on everybody's faces were his own thoughts reflected back at him.) because he just can't not pay attention to that boy. Because Xiao Jiu had not a moment's rest under Qiu Jianluo so why should Luo Binghe ever find relief under Shen Qingqiu? If Xiao Jiu was a thing to be used, then isn't he so kind to make of Luo Binghe a beast instead?
Shen Yuan arrives, perhaps before Luo Binghe does, but it doesn't matter. Shen Qingqiu takes this boy in after being urged by Yue Qingyuan for his lack of showing up at the disciple entrance trial.
And, from the beginning one thing is clear.
Shen Yuan despises Shen Qingqiu.
Every new disciple that reaches his peak seems eager, nervous, desperate to show Shen Qingqiu how good they are. They look at him with awe and tentative hope, as if Shen Qingqiu would ever play their game. As if he'd ever give them what they feel entitled to but do not deserve.
Shen Yuan looks at him like he knows exactly what kind of master Shen Qingqiu is, like he knows exactly what Shen Qingqiu is thinking of, well aware of what the future entails for him.
And as they perform the tea ceremony, Shen Qingqiu looks at this boy and finally understands why Wu Yanzi saw a mistreated slave and decided he was too funny to let go.
Shen Qingqiu takes Shen Yuan as his disciple. He drinks what's clearly a tea brewed to offend, and for the first time on his tenure as a Peak Lord, drinks with the intent to become a teacher.
But we learn by example. The previous Qing Jing Peak Lord might've been his Shizun in name, but in his pathetic life Shen Jiu only ever recognized one teacher.
And Wu Yanzi loved to play games.
Shen Qingqiu smiles kindly, a hint of amusement showing in his eyes. The child looks at him as if he's gone insane, and Shen Qingqiu tilts his head as if he finds it so endearing.
"Excellently brewed, Shen Yuan, this master formally accepts you as his disciple. From now on this one is your Shizun, and you'll refer to him as such. Your Shixiongs and Shijies will become your family, and Qing Jing your home." Shen Yuan has grown pale, defiance turned into fear. But such is not the face of a boy scared as he wanders in the dark, uncertain of what's ahead. That's the face of someone who knows exactly what kind of animal lurks in the shadows from the way its teeth glint under meager moonlight. His mouth's become a tight line, breathing controlled to not hitch. He looks grim, not afraid. He was not expecting this, but knows how to play along. Shen Qingqiu inclines his head in a shallow bow. "Welcome, Disciple Shen, to my Qing Jing Peak."
The boy unclenches his jaw and answers drily, "this one thanks Shizun."
Shen Yuan's voice is flat, like Shen Jiu's when greeted Wu Yanzi. Shen Qingqiu grinned just as Wu Yanzi did.
Shen Qingqiu forgets something though,
He's not Qiu Jianluo, and he's not Wu Yanzi. And he might've been right in another life, with Luo Binghe and a self fulfilling prophecy of cruel masters dying at the hands of ungrateful wretched boys.
But he doesn't know Shen Yuan is not tied to a narrative, that he can recognize a self fulfilling prophecy from a mile away and turn tail the opposite way.
He forgets Shen Yuan is not Shen Jiu.
What Shen Yuan is, is freaking out, shouting "WHATTHEFUCK WHAT. WHAT. THE. FUCK??????" inside his head.
He smells a fucking rat. And he's NOT buying whatever you're selling Shen Qingqiu!!! Ptoo ptoo!! He's going to compare whatever manual you give him with other disciple's!!! from ANOTHER Peaks!!! SYSTEM?? SYSTEM ARE YOU GLITCHING??? IS HE GLITCHING??
[Host may rest in peace knowing Scum Villain Shen Qingqiu is acting perfectly in character ^w^]
(What do you mean rest in peace, are you telling me to R.I.P?? Is he going to kill me??? This is not the two bit scumbag I was promised??? What the FUCK you mean perfectly in character???)
[He is large, he contains multitudes.]
(Is he thinking about killing me or not???)
[This System cannot answer that.]
(Throw me a bone.)
[... Scum Villain Shen Qingqiu will behave differently towards his victim depending on said victim's profile.]
(VICTIM???)
[Whoops uwu. This System meant to say disciple! Every student has different needs! A good teacher knows how to adapt!]
And thus begins Shen Yuan's life at Qing Jing Peak.
Shen Qingqiu does give Shen Yuan a fake manual. Shen Yuan compares it to every manual he can get his hands on, and goes AHA! At the utter bullshit inside the book Shen Qingqiu gave him. End ups stealing one of Qian Cao, glues the cover of a Qing Jing peak manual on it. Glues the Quan Cao manual's cover on the Qing Jing manual lose pages. Takes the fake manual to Shen Qingqiu with the intent to confront him with a gotcha! Shen Qingqiu makes worried sounds. Oh, how could this happen, how dangerous! Is disciple Shen hurt? And burns the manual in front of Shen Yuan's aghast face, effectively getting rid of all evidence. Then apologizes and, smirking, hands him a new manual.
(Cunt.)
Said manual is slightly altered, but only midway, so is more difficult to spot it, yet still managing to damage the reader's cultivation at a crucial point.
Shen Yuan uses the pages to make paper planes and, instead of throwing them, he viciously stomps on them.
(Shang Qinghua shudders at the distance and then glances around to see if Mobei-Jun is sneaking a peak through his portals again. Over a decade Shang Qinghua has been at his service and he still randomly opens a little hole in the fabric of space to check Shang Qinghua is not betraying him! If his King keeps this up he just might! Hmph! ((He won't)))
Shen Qingqiu keeps being his acidic self with everybody else, but by playing mind games with Shen Yuan he accidentally places him on the spot of most favored disciple, outshining Ning Yingying, someone who Shen Qingqiu actually likes, because when Shen Qingqiu likes someone he's not sharp and cutting with them, but with Shen Yuan he looks dotting. It's driving poor Shen Yuan up the wall.
Not only nobody believes him, but the apparent favoritism has isolated him from other disciples who, driven by jealousy, try to sabotage him. Shen Qingqiu notices this and it half amuses him, half makes him feel a strange sort of anger he cannot understand.
As a favored disciple, Shen Yuan starts to accompany him in what used to be solo hunts, and in one of every three night hunts Shen Qingqiu sets Shen Yuan up for failure, grave injury, or death if he's been too annoying.
After some time being tossed around like a mouse by his evil cat of a Shizun, Shen Yuan starts to play along. He works himself to the ground to excel in every subject Shen Qingqiu tried to sabotage him in, and aided by his knowledge as a transmigrator, he succeeds. He follows Shen Qingqiu around like a shadow, delighting in the stressed twitch of his eyebrows. Gets too into it and starts playing it up as a good little henchman. He basically goes "good one boss!" To everything Shen Qingqiu says.
"Qi Shimei claims to be uninterested in this Shixiong's affairs, yet she's up to date on every single drop of gossip surrounding him."
And before Qi Qingqi can snap at him, Shen Yuan peaks from behind Shen Qingqiu's back and chirps:
"Qi-Shigu should be too mature to try to attract Shizun's attention with such ploys! She ought to send this disciple a letter and he will make sure to arrange a private meeting for both of you!"
Shen Qingqiu hates it. But he's nothing if not adaptable.
"If Mu-Shidi is done, this master has matters to attend to."
"Shixiong, this one is worried, your constitution has been worsening these past few years and, not only as your doctor, but as a—"
"As a what, Shidi? Sect brother? Friend?" sneers Shen Qingqiu.
"As a mother?" Pipes Shen Yuan, "is Mu-shishu Shizun's mother?"
"Ah, Shizi—?"
"Such nagging can only come from a mother's mouth!"
"Shidi is not this one's mother and should mind his place,"
"Shishu should shave that moustache, too."
Sometimes Shen Qingqiu finds him funny, sometimes he needs to hurt him.
He makes Shen Yuan use his qi to strengthen his hands as he makes him submerge them inside a pot of boiling water, as "training". After a few private training sessions, Shen Yuan starts to succeed in keeping them from burning. Shen Qingqiu surprises him with a pot of boiling oil. Shen Yuan stubbornly complies and succeeds. Hands red and stinging, but the skin remains intact, if tender
Shen Qingqiu is both disappointed, and a little bit relieved. But more than anything, he's angry. Had it been him, at Shen Yuan's age, the oil would've melted the flesh off his bones.
No matter what he throws at Shen Yuan, the boy comes up top, and even if he doesn't, he heals so quickly (he doesn't know about the Qian Cao manual), and it is as if he never failed in the first place.
Shen Qingqiu ends up losing patience and whips him three years into this game. Shen Yuan is fifteen. And as he is lowered down he glances back at Shen Qingqiu from his shoulder and says, pale and shaking, "I win," and throws up.
Shen Qingqiu qi deviates.
Shen Yuan looks at him, as he bleeds and convulses and thinks about letting him die.
He crawls towards him and, with the healing knowledge he's gathered through the years, stops the qi deviation before it turns lethal.
Then he passes out.
Ming Fan finds them and runs for help.
The rumor of the Qing Jing peak lord qi deviating after whipping his beloved disciple out of sheer horror and grief spreads like wildfire. Shen Qingqiu and Shen Yuan avoid each other for a month.
What does Luo Binghe think of all this?
At first, he admired Shen Yuan, favored disciple as he was. Then he envied him, for he was the only one Shen Qingqiu never hurt.
Then he felt ashamed, for Shen Yuan was kind and worked so, so hard, he deserved to be favored. Luo Binghe saw how the others treated him, and that only made him admire him more. Shen Yuan rose above his circumstances even when others attempted to bring him down.
Shen Yuan cross referenced an older Qing Jing disciple's manual with a Qiong Ding and a An Ding peak one, and his own Qian Cao manual, and wrote Luo Binghe a personalized manual (he also learned Shen Qingqiu kept faulty manuals around?? And sometimes gave them away?? WHY???? ((Shen Jiu confiscated them during his tenure as head disciple and never got rid of them. He did give one away accidentally, but Luo Binghe's and Shen Yuan's he gave on purpose)). Luo Binghe cries and hugs his kind, beautiful Shixiong. His cultivation improves immensely after that.
Shen Qingqiu notices this, notices the new manual and Shen Yuan's, who's become his Head Disciple, handwriting. He summons Shen Yuan to the bamboo house and berates him.
At first, Shen Yuan believes Shen Qingqiu is shouting at him (he lost his patience!! Shen Yuan 2, Shizun 0!) for not letting him kill Luo Binghe. Then he thinks it's actually for defying his authority.
Then, it dawns on him.
Shen Yuan had told him Luo Binghe had enough talent to surpass him and he shouldn't stifle it. Shen Qingqiu hissed an incredulous: "Then how will you fight him off when he turns on you?!"
Shen Qingqiu was going purple on the face over the thought of Shen Yuan giving Luo Binghe the tools to eventually hurt him
At first, Shen Yuan had been offended on Luo Binghe's behalf. Then, because was Shen Qingqiu trying to sow discord between them or something?
Then he remembered that in PIDW Shen Qingqiu gave Luo Binghe a faulty manual too, that he poured tea on him after Luo Binghe earnestly told him about his mother. Remembered how when he first began his good one boss! routine, Shen Qingqiu tensed imperceptibly when Shen Yuan trailed after him. How he's come to know this man, the way his eyes glint when he is satisfied and how his hands shake when there's a qi deviation incoming. How his lips twist when displeased, and how his breathing hitches when he is in danger. He's come to know his paranoia. He's learnt to recognize the way this man wears fear and realizes that that's what he's seeing now.
Shen Qingqiu is scared.
And when Shen Yuan looks back to what he knows of his Shizun, the things he's done in this life and the other. Many behaviors who seemed erratic and unpredictable, suddenly make sense when framed by fear.
And now he realizes that Shen Qingqiu is not only afraid of Luo Binghe, but he is also afraid of Shen Yuan.
But more than that, he's afraid for Shen Yuan.
Suddenly this game they play is not so fun anymore.
It never should've been.
(It might've never been, but Shen Yuan can be just as blind as his Shizun when he doesn't want to face the cruel reality he was reborn in.)
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Fanfic Writer Ask Game
These are always fun so I wanted to make one! Reblog this and let others send you an ask based on any of these emojis/questions:
❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?
💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?
✨️ Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?
👻 What is your wildest headcanon?
✍️ What’s your ideal writing setup?
🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?
🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?
🏷 Is there a tag you like to search for when looking for fanfics to read?
⏰️ Do you like to post fics on a schedule or at random?
👓 What helps you focus when you write?
💕 What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?
🐇 Do you write for yourself, for others, or both?
🥳 Why did you start writing fanfic?
🦋 Which character is your favorite to write?
🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?
🍬 Do you write for multiple fandoms? If yes, what is your favorite fic of yours for each fandom?
🌻 How often do you read your own fics?
📗 Do you want to write something outside of fanfiction? If so, what about?
🎬 If a movie or show were based on your fic, which fic would you choose and who would you fancast?
💭 What inspires you and your writing?
🧪 Do you research for your fics?
😎 What fics do you prefer on a scale of canon compliant to wildly original?
💎 Do you often write about a relationship or focus on an individual?
🔥 Have you included any sexy scenes in your fics? If yes, do you find them easy or difficult to write?
💘 Is it easier to write angst or fluff?
🚦What sort of endings do you prefer to write: ambiguous, bad, happily ever after, etc.?
💡How many WIPs do you currently have?
🔎 Does anyone beta read or edit your fics?
📚 Is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you recommend?
🤩 What led to your interest in the fandom?
🤖 Are non-fandom friends aware that you write fanfic?
💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?
👑 Do you like writing short fics or long fics?
🎯 Do you have a writing milestone you’re working towards?
🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?
🤔 Would you ever want to write something canon if you got the opportunity?
💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write?
🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?
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Imagine Thalia dreaming of Luke's betrayal after she was brought back.
Imagine Connor or Travis dreaming about Chris descending into the labyrinth and going insane
Imagine Silena dreaming about Beckendorf's death as it happened and knowing it was her fault
Imagine the Apollo kids who must get it worst than anyone else but have to stay quiet because nothing good came out of knowing your own fate
With Percy repeatedly and casually mentioning in his narration that demigods get prophetic nightmares, I don't understand why the fandom seems to have decided that it's unique to Percy or a big three kid thing.
Percy is already special; you don't have to change the basic facts to make it "worse" for him.
And yes, we don't see other demigods talking about their dreams often. But we only know about Percy's dreams because he's the protagonist and point of view character. He doesn't actually discuss them with the other characters.
If he as the narrator repeatedly phrases it as "demigods" in general having prophetic nightmares but he isn't telling everyone about his, then I think we can assume that probably other characters are doing the same off-screen.
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Thank you for everything Hedge! One of the best fics I have ever read :)
It's the final chapter!! Thank you eveyrone soooo much for reading along with me, it's been such a fun and wild journey :') <3
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THINGS I NEED TO FUCKING KNOW: Why every fuckin trans man or nb person I know who binds is like “oh binders are the worst, you can’t breathe in them, I know someone who broke a rib once”,
And meanwhile over in historical costuming, we are fucking eating, sleeping, swordfighting, riding horses, and feeling great like this:
(credit: Jenny La Flamme, The Tudor Tailor, Verdaera)
Like is there NO overlap between people who want to bind and people who care about accurate 16th century clothing reconstruction techniques?
(I, okay, maybe it is kind of a niche interest, but…. REALLY? Anyone who’s made a boned binder, PLS SPEAK TO ME)
Keep reading
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For my Annabeth Wayne AU, I have Annabeth running away between Jason's funeral and Dick returning to earth & showing up at the manor. The thing is, seven year old Annabeth did not know Dick was in space.
As much as he's tried to keep a connection with her after moving out, the Titans are almost always involved in something and it's normal for him to be incommunicado. Plus, she's seven. No one thinks she needs all the information about what her father and brothers are getting up to in their "work life".
So when Jason dies, Annabeth is fully expecting Dick to show up to the funeral. She asks many times if she can call him and is only told "that's not possible", to a point where her brain makes some wrong pattern recognition and thinks something has happened to Dick too. Alfred has to talk her down from a panic attack.
There's conflict between her and Bruce during this time too, which I've talked about elsewhere, but since Bruce is shutting her out and Alfred is barely holding things together, she keeps waiting and asking for her oldest brother. She's scared, she's grieving, she's seeking a security that Bruce isn't in a state to give her.
Except Dick doesn't come to the funeral.
He doesn't come after.
She isn't allowed to call him and when she tries no one answers.
And the thing is that as a seven year old she has no idea that Dick doesn't know Jason is dead. Or that he's in space. Or that Bruce didn't even try to contact him to tell him what happened.
She's seven. She thinks Dick knows what happened and chose not to come back anyway. That like Bruce, he is now deciding to ignore her. That he's left her too.
She runs away a day before Dick finally comes home. But by then it's too late.
So she spends years living with that hurt. And just like in canon, she has massive abandonment issues. People either die on her (Jason, Thalia) or leave her behind (Bruce, Dick, Luke, Thalia again).
She doesn't get the chance to actually ask Dick why he left her behind until nearly a decade later. Watching his face morph through confusion and anger and grief at the very idea that he would abandon her is like a punch in her chest.
Her already complicated relationship with her father (strained by their last confrontation and shadowed by her experiences with Athena) gets even more tangled when Dick tells her Bruce's role in everything. She finally has her answer, but now she has no idea what to do with it.
And the thought that if she had waited one more day she would have known she was still loved?
That hurts.
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