#there is simply no guarantee ill be loved if i. do anything else

[kutyaharapas]

[dragonbarbie]

𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄 𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐑 | Part 2

aegon x best friend!reader ; modern!au

series summary: this fic is snippets of aegon and reader's relationship as they grow up and discover new feelings. but to let himself be loved, aegon has to first do some growing up. loosely inspired by the tv series one day!

rating: 18+, minors dni.

tags: alcohol, substance abuse, making out, titty sucking, blink and youll miss it dry humping (lmk if i missed something)

word count: 5.1k

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A/N: im so overwhelmed by the response to the first chapter! im so sorry this took so long, this chapter was originally well over 8k so ive just decided to split it, which means the next chapter is pretty much ready maybe ill have it up by wednesday. thank you so much to everyone who interacted, hope you like this. [not beta read!]

lmk if you'd like to be added to the taglist!

divider credit @cafekitsune ! title of fic is from 'peter' by taylor swift.

Age 18

“i think that’s enough pictures, mum.” y/n held up her arms to shield herself from any more photographs her mother might take. she felt self-conscious enough already, grimacing at every picture, thinking how the flaws glaringly stood out. her parents thought she looked beautiful as always though, and wanted as many photos as possible to keep as memories of their daughter’s special night. only she didn’t want to believe there was anything so ‘special’ about it anyway.

she heard an impatient car honk coming from outside, just in time for her to make her exit. “let me at least take a picture of you and your date.” her well-meaning mother attempted, earning a whine from her daughter, “for the last time he’s not my date.” not really he wasn’t, they were just going as mates, nothing more, she reminded herself as she waved her parents a quick goodbye.

then why did her stomach flutter seeing aegon leaning against his irritatingly green, flashy sports car. taking a drag of his cigarette, his platinum hair was mostly gelled back, few strands allowed to fall to his eyes either fashionably or as a result of hurry. he was dressed simply, black suit and a white shirt. but seven hells did he wear the hell out of that suit, y/n had to admit. he looked neater than usual, the light stubble he usually carried had now been shaved off, his eyes didn’t look nearly as red as she was accustomed to. he even wore dress shoes, when truthfully y/n had been betting on him showing up in his usual jordans.

she couldn’t help but beam as she realised walking towards him, that all this effort he had made for her. aegon hadn’t even wanted to go to their senior prom. he’d said he would simply throw the after-party for the prom back at his mansion, where he wouldn’t be required to ‘come dressed as a penguin,’ in his words. the entire school knew about aegon’s famous ragers by now, and the night of senior prom was guaranteed to be the greatest ‘one-last-hurrah’.

it was y/n who had wanted to go, in order to live the full high school experience before they would be forced to enter the adult world after summer. and there was no one else she would have rather taken to prom. so, after countless hours begging and pleading (and some threatening), aegon finally relented. but his acquiescence hadn’t guaranteed to her that he would even bother following the dress code. yet, here they were.

she was going to comment on what a pleasant surprise it was to see him look like a ‘penguin,’ when she saw the look on his face. his eyes were suddenly alert and his mouth slightly agape, cigarette in his hand forgotten momentarily with his hand hanging still in the air holding it.

“what is it? do i have something on my face? on the dress?” she patted her cheek in alarm, before looking down at her dress. she’d chosen a simple black, satin dress that hugged her just right, pairing it with the deepest red lipstick she could find. she smoothened the front in anxiety, scared her high heels were going to make her trip on the fabric any second.

“no, it’s just...you look nice. very pretty.” her eyes focussed on aegon’s trying to gauge his expression, but his gaze remained transfixed on her figure.

“is it that shocking that i would look pretty, that you have to go and make that face?” she snorted. that snapped aegon’s attention back to her face with an eyeroll, “i didn’t mean it like that and you know it. you look good, would it kill you to just take the compliment?” her lips turned upwards at his words, “yeah i’m just messing with ya.” she tried to hide how the praise made her feel warm inside her chest.

“you don’t look so bad yourself, targaryen. look you’re even wearing the shoes and everything.” aegon grinned at the words giving a quick twirl to show off his full look. “who knew you had it in you?” she teased.

“had to step up my game. can't let my date outshine me, can i?"

date? the word rang in her ears. did aegon think this was an actual date?

“oh, please,” she tried to maintain a cool façade, seemingly uncaring of his words, “i've always outshined you.”

“only because i let you.” he claimed, flashing her one of those lazy half smiles of his that would make her mind wander to what else he was capable of doing with those lips—

she immediately shook her head to get that image out of her mind.

“got you something. well, technically mum got you something” aegon opened the passenger seat of the car, and retrieved from it a beautiful, very expensive looking bouquet. “she wouldn’t let me leave the house without flowers for my date” there it was, that word again, ‘date’!  she thought, astonished as she received them.

did aegon think this was a date? a date-date? was he expecting something? did she expect something? her mind started to race with a hundred things.

she had to clear her throat to bring herself back to the present, “these are beautiful, tell alicent i love them.”

“great, can we go now? i want to get the boring part over with so we can properly party later at my place.”

the prom itself ended up being less dreadful than aegon had been sure it was going to be. aegon spiked the drinks, and then proceeded to get his friends leon and martyn as drunk as possible. it didn’t escape y/n’s notice that aegon himself, was merely buzzed. she even dared to hope for a second that he was limiting his cups out of respect for her, and her very known hatred of his drinking himself into blackouts.

he remained clear-headed enough to laugh about and reminisce with her over their years at the academy. “no, i remember clearly, you’ve never once said sorry about making me fall on my first day.” y/n accused as she attempted to drink the very strong punch aegon had made for her. “and i remember very clearly, you came in my way.”

she narrowed her eyes at his blatant lie. “cunt.” he couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him at her drunken-vitriol. “and i think that’s quite enough for you.” he grabbed the cup out of her hands in spite of protests. “good gods, aegon targaryen preaching moderation? must be the apocalypse.” she nudged him playfully.

in that moment, smiling and laughing with her best friend, she couldn’t help but realise that this time of their life was coming to an end. come fall, they would be on different sides of the country.

y/n had been accepted at her first choice, sunspear university only weeks ago, but she hadn’t discussed it with aegon. he hadn’t spoken of his plans for university either but helaena had told her that their grandfather was using his pull to get him into the family alma mater, oldtown college.

any time she had attempted to so much as talk about life beyond school with aegon himself though, aegon would get irritated and cagey, eager to shut down any and all conversations about the future. then again she couldn’t blame him, for some reason her first instinct too had been to hide that acceptance letter from him.

yet as they stood there, she had a feeling that he was thinking about the same great uncertainty that lay ahead too. thinking, that their days of being by each other’s side like this every day were numbered.

“come on” he suddenly offered her his arms, getting a puzzled look in return. “you wanted the ‘full high school experience’ right? dancing at prom is kinda the main thing.”

she let him lead her to the dance floor, feeling her cheeks going red. he brought them right in the middle, and when he placed her arms around his neck, his own hands becoming placed around her waist, she couldn’t find a word to say.

couples around them were slow dancing to some song she couldn’t quiet place, and she couldn’t believe that aegon had willingly placed himself in the scene around them. this suit, the shoes, the dancing, the flowers – none of it was remotely close to his scene. yet she had barely heard him complain. she had to give it to him, he had been on his best behaviour because he knew how much the night meant to her.

“thank you,” she finally said, looking at him with adoration in her eyes. “for agreeing to come.”

aegon’s expression was unreadable at first. after a second he seemed like he was going to lean in towards her to say something, when his eye caught something behind y/n shoulder.

she turned her neck to see who it was and felt her heart drop down in her stomach.

cassandra baratheon, the most sought-after girl at school, her golden hair and confident demeanour were hard to miss. y/n looked up to see aegon was transfixed on the tight red dress she wore.

she felt his hands drop from her waist, “get you something to drink?” but he didn’t so much as look at his friend.

“sure” she mumbled, trying to mask her disappointment, but he didn’t wait for a response before he started walking towards the blonde.

she watched as aegon approached cassandra, his charm on full display. y/n sighed, tired of how predictable his routine was. she danced with a few classmates, trying to keep her spirits up, but it wasn’t the same without aegon.

after a while, she grew tired of pretending and slipped out of the ballroom, certain she wasn’t going to be followed by the only person she wanted to be with. she started walking in the direction of her home, too angry to think to call someone to pick her up.

the sound of her heels against the pavement and the chattering of her own teeth from the unexpectedly cold night couldn’t distract her from her woeful thoughts.

she should have expected this, she chided herself. aegon’s attention had always been fleeting, especially when it came to pretty girls. but it still hurt. she had hoped, maybe just for tonight, things would be different. at the beginning of the night he’d been giving her all his attention, and making her feel as if she was the only one who mattered in that room.

yet, he had to go ahead and ruin that, by chasing one more skirt to add to his long list of distractions from anything that could actually matter.

when she reached her house she was grateful her parents had long since gone to bed, not wanting to talk about her night.  she walked up to her room and changed into some comfortable clothes.

she curled up on her bed, but sleep seemed to escape her. she tossed and turned but she could not forget the look on her best friend’s face when he looked at cassandra baratheon, ignoring her. she couldn’t help but wish that the way his eyes trailed down her figure, the open lust with which he watched her, the desire that carried him away from her – she wanted it all to be hers.

it was perhaps the first time she had admitted it to herself. she wanted this, she wanted him and not just as a friend.

her mind then wandered to that one moment of hope she had not dared to let herself dwell on. the way his hands felt rested on her back, how he looked for a split second as if he were going to lean in to her, what might that have felt like if it had been allowed to go on? would he have kissed her? would his lips have felt as soft as they looked? would his tongue—

she didn’t realise when in the middle of all these wandering thoughts her hand had slipped down to underneath her shorts. over the cloth of her panties, she could feel a wetness building as she slowly rubbed the top of her entrance, her imagination building up the tension between her legs.

just as she was getting comfortable though, she got the fright of her life when she heard her window open. “fuck me!” she sat up straight on her bed, clutching her blanket in front of her chest.

she let out an exasperated breath at the now-messy platinum hair glinting in the moonlight, that she could make out even in the darkness of her room. she moved to get up and turn on the lamp next to her bed. the light revealed a slightly different aegon to the one she had left back at the dance, stumbling into her room.

his jacket now gone, his white shirt was untucked and the first few buttons had been left undone (one of them was missing, from what she could tell), the semi-open shirt allowed her to make out lipstick smears trailing his chest. his eyes were red, and the fact that he couldn’t seem to walk straight, told her he’d returned to drinking at his usual pace once she’d made her exit.

“what are you doing here?” she sighed, crossing her arms across her chest, both defensively and because her bra had been long discarded, which left the tank top she wore revealing far too much for her liking.

he almost looked earnest when he answered “came looking for you. you never showed up to the party at my place.”

“yeah, well i don’t like your parties” “sure you do!” he snorted

“no, aegon i don’t! i never have. i only ever come for you and i’m miserable the entire while, and you never notice!”

he looked hurt at her accusation, blinking as if it had never crossed his mind that she didn’t enjoy getting high and causing chaos as much as he did. that hurt quickly turned into anger of his own as he shot back.

“fine, even if you didn’t wanna come to the party, why did you leave prom so early? for weeks it’s all you wanted to do, going to prom. you dragged my ass there and then just ‘puff’ i turn my back for one second, and you’ve disappeared.” he sounded almost as if he felt abandoned, wounded.

“you seemed busy.” she cooly replied.

“busy?” aegon echoed, his brows furrowing. “i was just talking to people.”

y/n shook her head, her eyes reflecting a mix of hurt and frustration. “you always do this, aegon. you leave me for the first pretty girl that catches your eye.”

he shook his head as if y/n were being the unreasonable one here “it’s not like that.”

“then what is it like?” she demanded, her voice rising. “because it feels like you’re always looking for a distraction. and tonight, i needed you.” her eyes burned as tears pooled in them. “it was our last night in school. it meant something.”

he flinched at her words, the truth of how much he had bruised her, cutting through the haze of alcohol. “i didn’t mean to—"

“didn’t mean to what? make me feel invisible?” y/n's voice softened, the anger giving way to sadness. “it’s like you don’t care.”

aegon stood there, steadying himself by leaning against the desk, looking deflated. “i do care, y/n. you’re my best friend.” she could tell he was trying, trying to make her see he cared, trying to be a good friend. the fact that he had left his own party simply to come look in on her, hadn’t gone unnoticed by her.

but unluckily for him, y/n was tired of his constant trying when she knew it never led to any real change.

she took a deep breath, steadying herself. “we need to talk about something else, too. we’ve been avoiding it all year.”

aegon looked up at her, confusion and apprehension mingling in his eyes. “what do you mean?”

“college, aegon. you’re going to oldtown, and i’m headed to sunspear,” y/n said, her voice trembling slightly. “i’ve tried to bring it up, but you always change the subject.”

he looked away from her, fiddling with the rings on his fingers almost anxiously. “because i don’t want to think about it.”

“well too bad, because we have to discuss it” she insisted. “this is big. we’ve never so much as spent one summer break apart, you’ve dragged me to every family vacation and christmas dinner. but come fall, that’s over. you don’t think that’s important enough to even talk about? doesn’t it matter to you at all?”

“of course it matters!” he finally spat out, taking stumbling steps towards her. “i don’t want to talk about it because i know it’ll change everything.”

aegon’s eyes were glassy, his emotions threatening to spill over. “because you’ll be far away, making new friends, living a different life. you get to conveniently walk out on me and my fuck ups. i don’t want to talk about it because you’re leaving me.”

“leaving you?” the aegon that stood before her was shaking like a scared child, gone was the playful, laid back popular boy. for the first time that night, she could see clearly through him, the first time he’d allowed her to.

y/n moved closer, taking his hands in hers. “aegon, i could never leave you.” she promised. “you’re a part of me. distance doesn’t change that.”

“you say that now…” he mumbled, looking away as she caught tears running down his cheek.

“i’m not leaving you,” she repeated, more firmly this time, her heart aching for him. “we’ll find a way to make it work. i promise.”

“do you really mean that?” her hand reached out to his cheek, wiping away his tears with the pad of her thumb. “with all my heart,” she whispered. the vulnerability in his eyes was raw and unfiltered as he confessed “i don’t want to lose you.”

“you won’t,” she assured him, putting her arms around him as she pulled him into a tight embrace. “we’ll figure it out, together.” she sounded sure, determined.

he clung to her, and she could smell the weed and cigarettes on his shirt, she knew that he wasn’t as clear-headed as he should have been for the conversation they were having. “i don’t know what i’d do without you, y/n.” he muttered into her hair. she smiled against his chest. “lucky for you, you don’t ever have to find out.”

as one of his hands trailed down to her lower back, she suddenly felt her shorts were far too short for her to be having company. his other hand started to rub at her side, his thumb brushing up against the side of her breast and lingering just enough that she knew he could tell she was bare beneath her flimsy cotton top.

they’d been standing in silence for a minute when he suddenly spoke up, “i’m sorry that i mess everything up, you deserved to have me there with you tonight.”

his hand had stopped right by her cleavage, causing her throat to dry up. “it was just a stupid dance.”

“yeah, but it mattered to you.” he brought his other hand to her ass, as he pulled apart slightly to look down at her. her breathing became rapid as she looked back up at him.

in that moment, the tension between them shifted. aegon leaned in, his lips brushing against hers hesitantly. y/n responded, closing the distance again, with more passion.

there was a sense of urgency, a rush as his tongue entered her mouth. the hand on her ass moved to slip past her shorts and panties to grab at her bare skin, causing her to moan into his mouth. her own hands attempted to undo the few remaining buttons on his dress shirt, before letting her fingers roam around his exposed chest.

he pushed them back, till she felt the edge of her bed behind her making her fall back on it, pulling him down with her as she went.

his mouth moved to trail sloppy, wet kisses on her neck, and then down to her collarbone. she could feel him use his teeth, marking her for the next day.

situated as he was between her legs, she could feel his semi-hard on from under his pants, rubbing against her in the most delicious way making her wrap her legs tighter around him, to feel that friction more intensely.

his mouth broke away from her now-sensitive skin momentarily, as he lifted her top enough to expose her breasts to him. his hands roughly gripped the flesh, making y/n gasp with how cool his rings felt pressed to her skin.

his mouth then took in one of her nipples, as she whimpered at the sensation, her fingers pulling his hair as he flicked it with his tongue, before sucking on it.

when he finally lifted his head to look up at y/n, she couldn’t believe the scene before her. in that moment aegon was looking her with a hunger and wanting, that she didn’t think he’d even given cassandra baratheon.

what might come next though, made y/n nervous. she’d never gone this far with a boy before, reasoning with herself that she’d never liked anyone enough. but she could admit to herself now that she’d been waiting to share that experience with aegon, waiting for him to come around.

still, she wasn’t sure if she was ready to go all the way, or how to do it if she was.

thankfully for her, aegon reached ahead and merely kissed her lips once more, softer this time. then, even more unexpectantly, he placed a final, tender kiss atop her head, before climbing off from between her thighs and crashing down on the pillow beside her.

she blinked at the figure of him, lying next to her completely relaxed, as if what they’d just done was so routine, it didn’t warrant another thought. “get that lamp light next to you, would you?” he yawned.

as if in a daze, y/n wordlessly switched the light off, plunging the room into darkness.

she could hear him breathing beside her, close enough to block her nose with the smell of cigarettes she was sure she’d have to wash out of the sheets the next day. but with his pale hair falling like that against his fluttering eyes, she knew he was the only person she wanted, flaws and all.

drowsiness began to take over her after sometime, and she wasn’t sure if she actually heard him mumbling “love you” or if she’d dreamt it but she drifted off with a faint smile on her face nonetheless.

the morning sun filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow over y/n’s room. she stirred awake, stretching out lazily when her eyes fell on to the snoring boy beside her. she couldn’t help but smile at how peaceful his face looked, her hand stretching out to tuck behind the strands of platinum falling to his eyes.

she tried to be as quiet as she could in walking to her bathroom. standing in front of her mirror, she noticed the now purpling hickey right by her collarbone. she still couldn’t quite believe that the events of last night had actually occurred, but the evidence was staring her right in the face. her fingertips grazed the bruise, and the corners of her lips turned upwards automatically.

she washed her face and brushed her teeth in a haze, where all she could think about was what was going to happen next. would she and aegon have a conversation about it, or would he pretend it was nothing? oh god, what if he regretted it? the thought made her tense. instead of going back to her room she sat on the edge of her bathtub, nervously thinking about what impact last night would have on their friendship. she couldn’t imagine losing aegon, she thought. if it came down to taking whatever happened yesterday forward or saving their friendship, she would pick the latter, she determined. before she could lose her nerve, she decided to go back to her room with that thought.

upon her return she realised the object of all her anxiety was already up, rubbing his eyes with his palms and groaning, clearly nursing a hangover. her heart suddenly started to pound in her chest. “you’re up early. it’s not even noon yet.” she teased as she came to sit by him. “and morning to you too” he grumbled.

“how are you feeling?” she hesitantly asked, “like i got hit by a bus,” he said, attempting a weak grin.

she gave him a faint chuckle. she looked around the room as silence filled the space. she was hoping that he’d be the one to bring up last night, rather than making her go through the embarrassment and awkwardness of coming to that topic.

how did you even start that conversation? she wondered as she pulled at a few strands of embroidery coming untethered from the rest of her bedsheet. ‘hey last night was the best kiss i’ve ever had, let’s do it again sometime soon’? no, that wasn’t it. she stole a glance at aegon who had picked up his phone, neither of them having said anything to break the silence. i could start by telling him how i’ve always liked him? no that would definitely activate his commitment-phobia, and he’d go running out the door, she realised. sitting this long without either of them talking felt far too weird and she started to panic slightly.

she kept thinking if he was going to approach the topic, wondering if she should instead, when suddenly aegon got off her bed.

“what have we got here” he walked over to the basket where some of her old toys had been kept for her mother to donate when she went to college. “nothing just some old things” she replied, surprised that this was what he wanted to discuss now. he seemed to be entertaining himself by going through her things as if he hadn’t been in her room a hundred times before.

well, if he was going to avoid it, y/n decided she should be the one to rip off the band-aid. she cleared her throat to start speaking, when he suddenly cut her off, “do you still have that lightsabre i gave you for your 12th birthday? the one that used to light up and all?” “no, because you broke it playing with it in my garden that same day you gifted it.” she reminded him, “right…” he muttered, before going back to his rummaging.

this time she stood up and walked over to him, and started to say, “y’know i think we should talk—” “what’s ollie doing here?” grinning, he grabbed an old red octopus from the basket and lifted one of its stuffed tentacles to wave at her. “did this mean old lady steal you from me ollie?” “no, you stole him from me, remember? and alicent had to return it back” she reminded him, snatching the toy back from him in irritation. if he was going to keep mucking about, she was never going to be able finish what she wanted to say.

she exhaled a big sigh, and built up her courage again, “we have to talk about last night—” “yeah, what did happen last night?”

she could only blink, as aegon nonchalantly asked, not even bothering to look up from the box of broken, dusty toys. “what do you mean ‘what happened’?”

“as in how did i end up in your bed?” he laughed, “don’t remember much after us arriving at prom” her heart sank at his words. “you blacked out.” she said in realisation. she turned around and walked back to sit on her bed so he wouldn’t see her wounded expression.

he didn’t even remember what was possibly one of the biggest moments of her life, something so monumental that she’d woken up this morning as if waking up to a new life. all those years she'd spent unknowingly pining for him, she’d thought that now there was finally some hope that she could actually be with him. but one little sentence from him had made her memory of last night dissipate like a mirage.

what had she even been thinking, he was drunk out of his mind and was probably barely in knowledge of himself when they did what they did last night. it was a mistake, and it should have never happened. she couldn’t control the tears slipping down her cheeks, her back facing aegon to shield herself subconsciously.

“you were pretty drunk. you climbed up to my room and we talked for a while. you fell asleep here.” she answered in robotic narration, not daring a look at him. she wiped her face quickly as she heard him stop with his aimless search and come sit next to her.

“sounds accurate. i do anything stupid i should know about?” he asked, his voice tinged with concern. it was the standard question he asked when he blacked out. for a second, she wondered if she should tell him everything.

y/n shook her head, smiling faintly. “no, you didn't. just needed a place to crash.”

she thought about it rationally – even if they did talk about last night, what was going to be the best-case scenario? he would be glad of what he did? but even then, what would happen next? she was going to dorne, and him to the reach, and a long distance anything was going to be impossible enough. here they were nervous about their friendship surviving the distance, but a relationship? she couldn’t see any way this would end well.

and this was considering if aegon even wanted any of it. last night may have been special for her, but if drunken fooling around and crashing into bed was all it took to get him to pursue someone romantically, half the school was ahead of her in that line.

this was the best thing for both of them, she sadly thought, to preserve their friendship.

him putting his arm across her shoulders and squeezing her brought her out of her miserable thoughts, “thanks for looking out for me, as always.”

“of course,” she replied softly. “that's what friends are for.”

aegon met her gaze, a flicker of something unreadable in his eyes. “yeah, best friends.”

a few minutes later she left momentarily to get herself a glass of water but by the time she returned, her room was empty with her window left open and her red octopus missing once again from her bed.

[jqmalikhsgib]

astrology

six

to say your date went horribly wrong is an understatement. the guy didn’t even care enough to ask you any questions. in fact he didn’t stop talking about himself.

when you got home you immediately took a shower and headed downstairs to eat some ice cream. wanting to drown your sorrows in something sweet.

“eating ice cream this late could spoil your stomach.”

you jumped before sighing in relief.

“sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. may i?”

you simply nod. you grab an extra spoon for aaron as you both sit down and dig into the ice cream.

“im guessing the date didn’t go as well as planned?”

you scoffed. “worse. i think that guys more in love with himself than anything.”

aaron smiles. “i know the type. we meet cops like that all the time. so full of themselves they never stop to think about anything else. what happened that turned you off first?”

you stayed silent. you made a promise to yourself not to get too personal with him any longer. you couldn’t allow your silly crush to become anything more—more than it already had—you were already far gone. anymore you’d confess your undying affection to a man who only saw you as an employee.

aaron sighs.

“what happened to you?”

you frowned.

“what do you mean?”

“im a profiler, yn. its my job to notice behavior. you’ve been—you’ve been weird lately.”

“aaro—hotch,” you cleared your throat. “im just trying to be professional.”

“professional?”

you nod. “setting boundaries. im just someone you pay to take care of jack. i adore that kid more than anything and i like my job. love it! i don’t wanna lose that.” you state.

“and you won’t. jack loves you too. you’re the second closest thing he has to a parent. so whatever is going on i promise you won’t lose your job.”

you took a deep breath.

“i guess—as cliche as this is gonna sound—i read too much into our relationship. i—i developed a silly little crush and i got the message that it was all in my head.” you felt a weight being lifted from your shoulders as you admitted the truth.

aaron hums. he grabs you hand and caresses it gently.

“it wasn’t .” aaron whispered.

you look at him completely shocked.

“im not good at this, yn. haven’t been since haley passed. i—i tried to move on but it just, it never felt right. with you, it’s easy to talk to. i haven’t felt that in a really long time and i don’t wanna fuck it up. i care about you and so does jack. in the end, if this doesn’t work, it affects my son. i don’t want him to lose someone else i bring into our lives. it’s why i brought that woman home. i was trying to get you out of my system but it backfired extremely. i—i don’t wanna lie, i kept picturing you. even almost said your name.” aaron admitted with a smirk. you blushed.

“oh—”

aaron chuckles. “i want to see where this goes. i do! i just want to make sure that jack doesn’t get hurt in the process.”

you shake your head. “i guarantee that jack will be my main priority. even if—even if we don’t work out. he means more to me than anything, aaron.”

aaron nods approvingly.

“id like to take you out. normally we’re free weekends. how about this upcoming saturday?”

you smile and nod your head a little too enthusiastically.

aaron kisses the back of your hand. “get some sleep, sweetheart. ill see you in the morning.”

you give him another smile before saying goodnight. you wait until he was out of view before squealing silently.

you head upstairs to your bedroom and get some much needed rest. so glad the night ended the way it did.

aaron woke to the smell of bacon. he yawns as he gets out of bed and head straight to the shower. when he gets out and gets ready for work he heads downstairs. he sees his son sitting and enjoying breakfast next to you.

“daddy! yn made bacon. it’s good, daddy.”

aaron smiles at the both of you. “yeah? maybe i should have some.” he takes a piece of bacon from your plate. he playfully smack his hand.

“get your own hotchner!”

aaron smirks at you as he takes a bite of the piece of meat he stole from your plate. jack giggles.

“you and yn made up?”

aaron nods his head. “we did. you sir need to get ready for school.”

“im so excited for school, dad! today is show and tell in miss peas class. gonna bring the necklace mommy made for me.”

aaron smiles.

“why don’t you get ready buddy. gonna take you to school today.”

“not yn?”

aaron shakes his head. “it’s still yn day off. remember she gets two nights, buddy. come on, go get ready.”

“okay!” jack ran upstairs. you get up and put the dirty dishes in the sink. aaron simply turns you around and wraps his hand around your waist.

“i really wanna kiss you.”

“why don’t you?” you whisper.

aaron smirks as he caressed your cheek. he kisses you passionately. you’ve never been kissed like this in a very long time—if ever!—it felt right. you never believed in that silly ‘i felt sparks’ thing until this very moment. it was like fireworks were going off.

aaron pulls away gently. he smiles before kissing the top of your head.

“can’t wait for this weekend.” he whispered.

“neither can i. why does it have to be monday?” you frown. aaron chuckles before pulling away.

he heads jacks footsteps, smiling at his son. “alright buds! time to head out. we don’t wanna be late, yeah?”

“we’re always the first ones there, dad.” jack says matter of factly. he wasn’t wrong. when aaron took him to school he’d get there at six forty five. aaron had to be the first one to arrive at work. he needed to make sure jack was safe and secure in the school building as early as possible before heading to work.

“bye yn. love you!” jack called out. you smiled and waved. “love you too, jack! have a great day at school, buds.”

aaron smiles before waving to you. when they leave you call spencer.

“hey. is everything okay? how was your date?”

“yeah! everything is fine. the date was horrendous.”

“sorry to hear that.”

“don’t be. in the end things worked out.”

“that’s good. what are you not telling me?”

you smile. you weren’t a hundred percent ready to tell spencer anything yet. you wanted to make sure that this really works out.

“nothing. can’t a girl just miss her best friend?! i feel like we rarely talk anymore.”

“yeah. im sorry about that. it’s just—there’s this girl,”

“girl you say? do tell!”

“i met her during a case. i don’t know—she lives in arizona. she’s great! and the commute would be worth it,”

“but?”

“but relationships don’t work for people like us. with out jobs it’s hard, you know? it’s why i stayed single for so long. it’s why hotch and haley ended in divorce. i just don’t think people with our jobs can actually date on a deeper level.” spencer admitted.

you frowned at that confession. “spence, the right girl is out there for you. she—im one thousand percent positive the person you’re meant to be with won’t mind the crazy weird hours you have. as long as you show them exactly how much you love and care for them they’ll understand.”

“you think? it’s just with the job and the distance—”

“im positive!”

“you know you always know what to say to make me feel better.”

“that’s what im here for. we should hang out soon though. i miss hearing my brother spill some weird fact that could probably save my life or even start a conversation.”

spencer laughs. “the team should be free this weekend. why don’t we get together saturday?”

“i can do saturday evening. is that okay?”

“yeah! i should get going though. hotch is probably already in his office and i have to ask him something. thanks for calling. i love you.”

“love you too, spence! have fun catching the bad guy.” you ended the call before getting ready for the day.

[swordsandarms]

This is a reply in regards to this post, which highlights the high likelihood that, whether people are fine with the author's choices or not, RxL is written by him with romantic nuance as far as the text goes. @sahtinekryze

And I think this fandom really needs to have a honest analysis of the idea of "selfishness" in narrative choices such as this, which is that when it comes to how the whole "duty vs love" scenarios Martin writes, he does not actually writes it with some wide spectrum ranging from selfish to sacrificial. There are usually no other choices than the two.

Could one define the alleged choice of breaking a noble marriage contract that would have negative political influence at the least, had it been the best case scenario (which one would logically assume the two might have hoped for instead of very lots of people dying including themselves) as 'selfish', which in its very definition is doing something for one's self, though it may not be advantageous for others? Yes.

But as I said, Martin doesn't write a middle ground. There's that, or Lyanna marries an unwanted man and is hence forced to have a non-consensual relationship with him, and forced to carry children out of a noncon relationship, so that her male relatives can reap benefits of political power, as well as her groom through her womb. And as shows inspired by these books love to show us very graphic such cases (like Daenerys in GOT, or the storyline given to show!Sansa, or the changes for show!Alicent in HOTD), I am sure fans should have learnt better about the accusations usually thrown at Lyanna in fandom spaces in regards to being another woman marrying against her will in a society where a woman cannot say no, marital rape isn't recognised, and a husband is "just taking his rights": that "this is just being whiny". (There are many other examples in the books; the author is also not holding back on what unwanted or unsuitable marriages mean to women.)

Against the fanon idea that she is some wild, demanding, conceited girl, she doesn't rage, she doesn't bite. She has a tentative, soft spoken conversation with her brother about it and her reluctance in the matter, and is (nicely) dismissed.

Had she not (allegedly, while all is unconfirmed) fallen for the Crown Prince and he for her, there is no one else powerful enough to extract her from her situation (her male relatives having made up their own minds in the matter), nor anyone else to go from where she cannot be recovered by a powerful and connected family and fiance. No one else she could marry/sleep with that wouldn't be shut down and covered (as seen with Tyrion or Lysa) to preserve the higher price for which her womb can be bartered. Just no other viable choice that wasn't the other end of the scale: a woman being sacrificed by men, for men's uses.

As I said at the start, this is simply how Martin writes these conflicts of "mind and heart". He corners the characters. There is no light at the end of the tunnel that isn't also sort of "selfish" and "dumb" looking on the surface.

This can be applied to more such situations in the text-

Catelyn undoes the already precarious state of her son's campaign by releasing their most valuable captive. She has not even a guarantee that her 'selfish' act for love will work. But there are no options she's given. No one else cares to make it a priority to get her daughters back. The only other choice is to let it be and let 2 girls be sacrificed in marriages of ill intent to use their wombs and discard them, unsure if she will find anything left of them but Lannister named babies when this is over. It is "selfish". It is "dumb". Yet she's cornered.

Jon makes the decision to go fight Ramsay Bolton because he's run out of options and he's cornered. Arya is allegedly in the hands of the family that have viciously killed a number of Starks and taken Winterfell. She is 11 and allegedly married. He is made sick at the thought of what is being done to her. He's tried the "lesser" tactics of getting her rescued without being seen as trespassing the status quo of the NW publicly, by sending others for her. But it was always going to come to this. Ramsay guesses (or finds out) that his escaped bride would make it to the Wall. Keeping "peace" and "doing his duty" instead of "being selfish and dumb" is handing over "Arya" himself if she even makes it to appease the Lord of Winterfell, sacrificing a girl to an unwanted marriage meant to use her for her womb and discard her.

There are no actual choices when there is no actual scale in between "selfish and dumb" and the sacrifice of a girl (or, you know, 2,3, as many as Westeros would swallow as it did for millennia for this or that Lord or King to amass and keep power), whether they are Lannisters trying to get Winterfell, or Starks extinguishing the line of the Warg King.

[jedimasterbailey]

barriss for the character asks!! 1 (i think we know), 7, 9, & 32

Hello there! 😊 It makes me laugh knowing that you know me well enough to know what my feelings are going to be on that first question 😂 Thank you for giving me the excuse to talk about my girl Barriss 💙

1- Canon I Outright Reject

That Barriss is not a terrorist or evil. She wasn’t out to get Ahsoka or anything out of spite or jealousy. She wasn’t abused or neglected by her Master. She didn’t want to hurt or kill anyone (she’s canonically a healer and it’s pretty clear from her words, actions, and facial expressions that she was tormented by what happened. The Temple bombing was a terrible accident Barriss got involved in, which can easily happen if an adult gets into your head about how wrong everything is and you’re most likely suffering from a multitude of mental illness as a result of being involved in war. People seem to forget that Barriss was a child like Ahsoka. At that time she didn’t have the wisdom or maturity to know that she was being used for nefarious reasons via Letta. Was it wrong what she did and how she went about it afterwards? Absolutely, but she’s still a kid at the end of the day, they’re not gonna make the best of choices especially if they’re already at a disadvantage (i.e riddled with PTSD and who knows what else).Barriss was a proud and gifted Jedi who cares for Ahsoka and everyone else she personally knew in the Order; she simply just hated the war and felt that the Jedi shouldn’t be dying or losing themselves to a cause that was orchestrated by an evil entity. Barriss says this clearly in her confession yet people wasn’t to have selective listening and only listen to the parts they want to hear to fit their narrative. The fact that Feloni and his goons decided to pick a Muslim coded character to be the one to bomb the Temple to further Ahsoka’s story and throw her on the pyre for toxic Star Wars fans to burn for years to come is disgusting and should be retconned immediately.

7-Age/Height/Weight Headcanon

Okay the age one is interesting because this is something we fans have wanted to know for years ever since Barriss got de-aged to be a companion for Ahsoka. It’s been said that Barriss is supposed to be a little bit older than Ahsoka in the Clone Wars. So if Ahsoka was 14-17 during the show, then I’d put Barriss roughly between the ages of 15-21ish. She’s likely 1-3 years older than Ahsoka if I had to guess. Height wise, she looks pretty tiny like 5’2-5’4 ish with the heels and weight would most likely be anywhere between 100-125 ish pounds considering she’s so thin.

9-Scene That Made Me Love The Character

I always thought Barriss was so cool when I first saw her in AOTC and in the Clone Wars 2003 mini series, but the scene that made me fall for her is undoubtedly when she introduces herself to Ahsoka in the 2008 Clone Wars episode “Weapons Factory”. Her sweet little bow had me and she is such a delight in that episode that I just fell for her right then and there and then it became obsession when she was willing to die when she got infected with brain worms so that others can live. In the three episodes she’s in, she showed the audience that she’s a multi layered character and I love characters like that 💙

32-Something Guaranteed To Make Them Smile/Laugh

I believe this to be a toss up between her Master Luminara and Ahsoka. Either woman most likely know all the ways to make Barriss smile or laugh, but I don’t think Anakin slipping on a banana peel or something wouldn’t do the trick either. Barriss has a big heart so I believe the ones she loves most would bring out the best in her.

Thank you again for this excellent character asks! Feel free to me what y’all think! 💙💚

[caffedrine]

Gilbert von Obsidian - The Bodyguard Prince - Event Summary

Alternate Title: Do you know what will happen if you touch what is mine?

Do I ever know what I’m doing? You shouldn’t trust me, or my suspect understanding of what’s going on in my daily life, much less in Gilbert’s world.

Accuracy is not guaranteed - you should definitely pick up this event when it reaches the English server.

Emma has made a new friend, which is noteworthy since the malice surrounding the evil prince has isolated her from almost everyone else. This new friend is the only one Emma has been able to make during her stay in Rhodolite (outside of the princes).

While desperately reading a book in the library, Emma feels a cold figure slide into the seat next to hers. Out of both becoming accustomed to him and desperation to finish her book, Emma ignores Gilbert. Gilbert tells her to open up to him since he is her friend.

Although she is aware of him, Emma does her best to continue to read her book as if there are no distractions. Gilbert asks if he should kill her, and Emma finally snaps at him to just stop it. She finally looks at him, only to see him smiling sweetly as if he hadn’t made that disturbing threat. Gilbert tells her in that case, just to pay attention to him.

Why oh why is he always like this? Even as Emma laments, she knows the reason behind all of this.  

Due to her position as Belle, hiding in the court as a minor noblewoman, Emma has to attend social gatherings. Very recently, she met the daughter of an Earl who was close to her age and had a similar love for books. Due to her new friend’s father’s work, she wasn’t always at court, so she wasn’t aware of Emma’s association with the enemy prince, so they had bonded.

This is also the first person besides the princes who has talked to Emma in a long time. She is Emma’s first new friend, outside of the self-proclaimed friend Gilbert is.

In a bored tone, Gilbert asks if Emma is reading this book because of her new friend. Emma admits that’s true; her new friend highly recommended this book to Emma. She realizes that Gilbert is in an unusually bad mood. Is it because he wants her to be socially isolated and dependent on him, and is upset that she’s branching out?

Gilbert moves the conversation along and asks if she’s planning on attending a tea party with her new friend tomorrow. Emma asks how he knows about that, and Gilberts happily informs her that he has eyes everywhere.

As Emma begins to feel very vulnerable and creeped out, Gilbert asks if she’s reading this book just so she can talk about it at the tea party tomorrow. It seems like all she’s thinking about is her new friend.  He asks which is more important, him or her new friend. Diplomatically, Emma assures Gilbert that they’re both important to her.

Not happy with that answer, Gilbert reminds her that he should be her number one priority. This is so upsetting that he must simply cry. And he does, kind of. In an absolutely fake and theatrical manner.

Emma asks if there’s something wrong with this. Forgetting that he’s supposed to be crying, Gilbert laughs and notes that Emma is becoming quite bold. He’s not going to stop her, but he doesn’t expect anything good to come out of her new relationship. Noble friends aren’t the friends she thinks they are.

Emma thought Gilbert was simply sulking, but his next words were sincere. He tells her that just as her definition of ‘friend’ and his definition of ‘friend’ is different, Emma’s new friend also has a different definition of ‘friend’. And, until Emma figures out what ‘friend’ means to her new friend, she should be worried.

Emma tells Gilbert that if there is no initial trust, there is no chance for friendships to form. Emma believes in her new friend, which is the first step to becoming friends. And, unlike Gilbert, this friend is less likely to have ill intentions toward her.

Gilbert chuckles, telling Emma he sees where she’s coming from. And, based on that definition, he and Emma are definitely friends. Emma tries to change the subject, but, undeterred, Gilbert compliments Emma’s bravery.

Emma just doesn’t trust Gilbert. She has already forgiven herself for that mistake she made at the very beginning of their relationship. Gilbert pinches Emma’s cheek to make her focus on him again, hard enough for it to hurt.

Gilbert complains that even though she can’t trust him, her true friend, she has no trouble trusting this new person. As her friend, he doesn’t want her to get hurt, instead, he wants to protect her. Emma dutifully thanks him for his feelings. Gilbert warns her to either accept his offer of protection either willingly or forcefully. As Emma looks at Gilbert, he smiles, telling her that he just had a good idea.

Sensing evil, Emma quickly rises from her seat to escape, but Gilbert grabs her wrist and pulls her back down. A cold sigh hits her ear, and Gilbert reminds her that he already told her that she had no option to not do this, especially since he’s going out of his way to do this for his friend. Emma is used enough to this to know that Gilbert is going to do something one way or another, and she needs to tread carefully.

The next day, Emma was planning on visiting her new friend with Rio as her butler. However, when she arrived at her and Rio’s prearranged place, she finds Gilbert there instead. Emma asks if Gilbert has noticed her butler around, and Gilbert assures her he has. Right here in fact.

Not understanding, Emma looks around the area, asking where exactly. Gilbert helpfully points at himself, and Emma feels the blood drain away from her body. Panicking, she asks what happened to Rio. Gilbert is evasive in a way only a murderer can be, before assuring her that he didn’t do anything, Rio is just very busy right now.

Reminding herself that Gilbert doesn’t lie (except when he feels like he can get away with it) Emma is relieved and calms down enough to address the new situation. She tells Gilbert that it would be wrong to have a foreign country’s royalty and guest act as her butler. Gilbert assures her that he’s okay with this. And oh, no! They’re running out of time, she doesn’t want to be late for her new friend’s party, right? When Emma hesitates, Gilbert asks if she wants to be threatened or something.

Which is why Emma is sitting at her new friend, Louise’s party with the evil Prince of Obsidian as her butler.

(Gilbert is a man of many talents, worming his way into tea parties is just one of them)

When they first arrived, Louise’s face lost a lot of it’s color as she looked at Gilbert, but after enough apologies to make Keith proud, she was able to assure Emma that it was fine, they could proceed with the party as normal.

Normally, decorum would have Emma’s butler be unobtrusively out of the way of the party, but neither she nor Louise object when Gilbert joined them at the table and started partaking of the tea and sweets. He tells them not to mind him, he was just here to show off how close he and Emma are as friends.

Louise admits that she hadn’t really believed the rumors of Emma and the Obsidian Prince’s relationship, but-

Emma quickly tells Louise that the rumors are a lie. Gilbert points out that Emma didn’t even hear what rumor Louise was going to mention, and Emma tells them that she just knows that any rumor about her and Gilbert is false.

Louise is willing to bite, if the unmentionable rumors are false, then what is Emma’s and Gilbert’s relationship with each other?

Emma: Victim and Perpetrator

Gilbert: Friends.

Emma: . . .

Gilbert: Best friends.

Placing a ‘friendly’ hand on Emma’s shoulder, Gilbert smiles sweetly at her. Emma grimaces back, but she doesn’t object as she has no doubt ‘friends’ is better than what the rumors paint them as.

Louise politely wishes them luck in their friendly friendship. Emma can see that Louise’s fingers are trembling, and when she holds her teacup the surface of the tea ripples. Emma realizes that, while she herself is still affected by Gilbert’s mere presence, she’s somewhat accustomed to it compared to other people.

Even though Gilbert looks like an affable young man, almost instinctively everyone can tell that he’s a savage beast who has conquered and trampled over many countries. There’s this weird aura about him as if even the most minor of transgressions will set him off. Emma tries to reassure Louise that even though Gilbert is frankly terrifying, he’s not that violent. Really, he’s not as bad as Louise must think.

Gilbert laughs and tells Emma that she’s the only one he’s nice to, though.

Emma quickly changes the subject, telling Louise that she finished the book she recommended. Suddenly, Gilbert is forgotten as the two women start gushing over the male lead in the book, on how he was sweet, kind to all, and not at all scary.

The talk leads to the sequel, which Louise mentions that she has a copy of in her library. She offers to lend it to Emma, who is overjoyed to accept it. She stands up to follow Louise and abruptly remembers Gilbert.

Gilbert assures them that he’s fine, he’ll just keep the pastries company while they continue to fangirl together. Emma is a bit surprised; she had thought he would come with her, but she’s happy enough to leave him behind.

(We can trust Gilbert to keep the pastries safe and sound in his stomach)

Emma never notices the smile hidden by Gilbert’s tea cup.

Louise brings her to the library, explaining that it belongs to her. It was a birthday gift from her father a few years ago. Emma admires it, thinking about how lucky Louise is. She’s a bit worried about her new friend though, even though Gilbert isn’t with them, Louise looks paler than expected. Lingering effects of spending too much time with Gilbert, maybe?

Louise unlocks the library door, beckoning Emma inside. The moment she does, a sweet smell hits Emma, confusing her. It’s not a book or library kind of smell.  She thinks she recognizes it, but . . . but . .

Emma faintly hears Louise behind her apologizing as her vision fades to darkness.

When Emma returns to consciousness some undeterminable time later, she finds Gilbert standing at some distance in front of her. Gilbert politely wishes her a good morning.

Glancing around, Emma sees that they’re in a dimly lit place, full of dust and poor candlelight. As she continues to wake up, she sees that Gilbert is smiling as sweetly as ever. However, there are a lot of bodies lying on the ground around him. Though she can’t see the cobblestone floor beneath her well, she can smell the blood on it.

Emma begins to move, and she realizes that something is restricting her, especially around her neck. A new voice directly behind and above her tells her roughly to not move.

Emma realizes that her hands and feet are shackled, and someone is holding her, with a knife to her throat. From nearby, Louise calls out to her father, and the voice tells Louise to be quiet.

Emma has no memory of what happened since she entered Louise’s library, but she knows enough to tell when she’s being held as a hostage.

In front of her, Gilbert notes that Emma has had enough time to take stock of the situation she’s in and asks if she wants his help.  Emma disagrees, with the way the man behind her is trembling, it’s hard for her to figure out who is the victim and who is the perpetrator in this situation. Emma tells Gilbert to tell her what happened.

Gilbert was just sitting there, enjoying the tea and pastries when Louise came back and asked him to come with her. He very politely followed her to the Earl, who welcomed him with a band of mercenaries. This noble house is part of the anti-monarch faction, an extremist organization that wants to become allies with Obsidian.

They approached Emma hoping to eventually use her as a hostage to ensure his future cooperation. However, they had not expected Gilbert himself to come to their trap, so they decided to move their timetable forward.

And now, unless Gilbert gives in to their demands, they’re going to cut Emma’s throat in front of him. Gilbert laughs, Emma is in a truly pitiful position right now, even he feels bad for her.

Emma feels like she’s drifting. She thought she had finally made a friend. But, in the end, it was all a lie. Louise, who was nearby, did not deny anything Gilbert was saying, hurting more than the knife at Emma’s throat.

She can feel Gilbert’s next words seep into her wounded heart like poison. He reminds her that he’s her only true friend here, and the nobility has different definitions for ‘friends’ than she has. He tells Emma not to worry, when she finally loses all her trust in people, he’ll still care for her.

Tap-tap. Gilbert takes a step closer, his cane tapping on the cobblestones. The knife presses into Emma’s throat and the Earl warns Gilbert to stay back.

Gilbert focuses on the Earl, noting that although he tells this to Emma all the time, the Earl doesn’t know that Gilbert absolutely hates it when others interfere with his prey. The Earl must truly be an idiot if he thought he could hurt Emma to negotiate with him.

Suddenly, Emma feels like she’s about to be crushed by Gilbert’s bloodlust. Even though Gilbert’s expression was still soft and sweet, she can feel his rage and clearly smell the sharp tang of blood. And it’s not even directed at her.

The Earl trembles even more behind Emma, and she can hear Louise start to sob. Emma realizes that when Gilbert offered his help, he wasn’t talking about rescuing her. How naïve she was.

Gilbert asks if they think that he can’t kill anyone here just because they’re in Rhodolite. He tells them that he is great at disposing of evidence. He turns to Emma and asks which one she wants him to kill first.

Sweet End

Emma begs Gilbert not to kill anyone, but she regrets speaking the moment Gilbert’s blood-colored eye focuses on her. He tells her that If he doesn’t kill them, she is still at risk. Or is she saying that she’s willing to risk her life for the people who were planning on using her as a hostage? He laughs at how saint-like she is in her forgiveness, he can’t keep up with her.

Well, he has a point. Emma has been betrayed; what she thought was a burgeoning friendship was instead a very calculated series of manipulations. But she still doesn’t want anyone to get hurt; she had enjoyed the time she had spent with Louise and had even genuinely thought of her as a friend.

Very calmly, Emma shifts her focus to the Earl holding a knife to her throat and asks him to let her go. She warns him that Gilbert isn’t the kind of person who would capitulate just because the other person has a hostage. If the Earl lets her go, she promises to keep Gilbert from killing him.

The Earl tells Emma to shut up, and the knife jerks against her throat, drawing blood. Gilbert asks if she’s okay and Emma snaps back that of course she’s not. He warns her that he’s running out of patience, she is his and only his prey.

Gilbert gives her a sweet, refreshing smile, pulling something out of his pocket. He rolls the item across the floor towards her, and it goes off. A misty smoke emerges from it, completely obscuring the room, blinding Emma to anything more than a couple of inches in front of her face. She feels the Earl suddenly shove her to the side, and just as she braces herself for the expected impact, something soft wrapped in linen breaks her fall.

Due to the shackles still on her hands and feet, she can’t stand up. Emma calls out for Gilbert, but there’s the louder sound of something collapsing to the floor nearby. A chill of a bad premonition strikes through her heart, making her sick.

Emma begins to crawl towards the sound, stopping when she gets to a jet-black cloak. The smoke clears a little, and she can see the Earl crouching at Gilbert’s feet, knife still in hand. Further ahead is Louise, sitting on the floor, with teary eyes.

Gilbert looks back and asks Emma what she’s doing. But he’s not looking at her, instead, he’s looking at a nearby sword on the floor. Emma asks him to stop all of this.

Gilbert asks if, even after everything these people have done to her, Emma still wants to protect them. Emma reminds him that Rhodolite has laws against murder, even in the case of foreign princes. Gilbert considers this, remarking that if he were to invade and conquer, that law wouldn’t be in effect.

Gilbert picks up the sword he was eyeing earlier, kneeling next to Emma. He grabs her chin and turns her face to look directly at him. Emma has misunderstood something crucial. Gilbert has no real reason to listen to her, and besides, she’s wasting her pleas for someone else, when she should be begging him for her own life.

Emma realizes that very recently, she’s been letting her guard down around Gilbert. Because she had some pleasant and kind interactions with him, she had forgotten that he was one of the worst beasts.

Gilbert lets go of Emma and stands, walking towards Louise with a sword still in hand.

Gilbert is a beast, and that’s why Emma won’t give up. Before he could move far, Emma grabs tight onto his cloak. He stops and doesn’t shake her off.

Emma tells Gilbert that Louise is her friend. Gilbert laughs, Emma’s definition of ‘friend’ is really unusual, as this one just tried to sell her to him for political favors. Emma points out that Gilbert’s version of a friend is someone he doesn’t listen to or who’s opinions he doesn’t care about, so he doesn’t have room to complain about other people’s definitions. Gilbert argues that his definition is still less insane than hers.

Emma continues, as Gilbert already knows, no one will ever approach someone who is favored by the evil Obsidian Prince. She can deal with the cold stares, but what she can’t stand is no one talking to her.

Gilbert agrees that she is indeed in a pitiful position, smiling in a way to let her know that he sees this as not his problem.

Emma continues; in spite of everything, Louise still treated her normally. Even if the motives behind the friendship were less than pure, she is the first person in a while to act like she enjoyed spending time with Emma. They shared their common interests and fangirled together over dreamy romance novels. Emma refuses to believe everything was a lie. She has chosen to believe that some of the time she spent with Louise was genuine.

Emma asks Gilbert to not take away her new friend.

The more Emma speaks, the colder Gilbert’s gaze grows. Even though a chill spreads down her spine and Emma’s breath catches, she doesn’t hold back. She clutches Gilbert’s cloak tightly, planning to never let go no matter how hard he tries to pry her off.

Gilbert remarks that rather than being naïve, Emma is now firmly in the ‘idiot’ category. Well, if Emma is going this far to beg him, he’ll listen to her. She is right, if she takes full responsibility for her now former captors, she can save them.

Without hesitating, Emma agrees. Anything would be better than watching Gilbert murder her new friend right in front of her.

Gilbert laughs, after being at the mercy of a third-rate villain, Emma just willingly placed herself into his hands. And he intends to show her the difference between himself and the Earl.

Gilbert carries Emma, who is still wearing shackles, into an empty room. With some odd familiarity, he quickly finds a first-aid kit and begins treating the scratch on her neck, completely silent. He applied the medicine and wrapped the bandages around her wound with the skill of a doctor. Emma thanks him and he tells her not to mention it, his words kind but cold.

Emma still can’t read Gilbert’s face.

Emma holds out her hands and asks him about the shackles. Glibly, Gilbert tells her that unfortunately, he doesn’t have the key to them. Well, if he wanted to, of course, he wouldn’t need the key. Emma hears the implicit ‘can but won’t’ of that statement. Gilbert picks Emma up and settles on a chair, Emma in his lap.

Emma protests, but Gilbert ignores her, his cold fingers running over her cheek. He asks Emma how she intends to beg for her life.

This is a test. IF she gets the wrong answer, she’ll just be back at where they started, so Emma has to think carefully. She asks if he intends to hurt Louise. Gilbert tells her that’s a kind way of putting it.

In that case, whatever he was planning to do to Louise, she’ll accept in Louise’s place. When Gilbert is confused, she explains that she’s substituting herself for Louise.

She has no idea what Gilbert was planning on doing, but this is the only thing she can come up with. Since he knows that she’ll Belle, if he were to come up with terms, it could be detrimental to Rhodolite. That said, she has no idea what will satisfy Gilbert.

Gilbert refuses.

At Emma’s surprise, Gilbert explains that he’s not some sadistic lunatic that enjoys hurting everyone and everything. Emma insists she never said that. It’s just that she can’t come up with anything else.

Gilbert proposes absolute obedience.

Yes, this was what Emma was hoping to avoid. Gilbert explains that this is the price he would demand of Louise to keep her family alive, so it’s natural for that to be transferred to Emma. Every order he gives her, Emma would absolutely have to obey them. Even if it means she would betray Rhodolite.

Emma refuses to betray Rhodolite, and Gilbert shrugs. He’ll just go back down to the cellar and kill Emma’s friend then. Emma shouts at him to stop.

Gilbert complains that Emma is truly selfish. Stroking her cheek as if to tickle her, he lightly pinches it. If they were in Obsidian, this would be considered a major concession on his part. Whether or not he accepts her request, Gilbert is still listening to Emma’s pleas. Can she think of something better than absolute obedience?

Emma considers this; as Gilbert said, she can still make requests. However, she cannot hope for equal negotiation. And, in this place, she has no one that she can ask for help. There is only one thing she can hope for now.

Emma appeals to Gilbert’s conscience, but he warns her that he doesn’t have one. She insists there is; after all, if he didn’t have a sense of morality, he wouldn’t’ have saved her back then and be listening to her now. Instead, he would have just killed everyone in that cellar. The mercenaries in the cellar were all bleeding and unconscious, but she didn’t think they were dead. He may be ruthless, but there was something inside him that would listen to her.

Emma can’t believe in the prince of an enemy country, but maybe she can believe in her friend. And in some weird way, Gilbert might be a friend.

Throwing off all sense of shame, Emma shifts and embraces Gilbert, even with the shackles on. She didn’t hold back at all, trying to transmit warmth into his cold body. She tells Gilbert that he’s always so cold.

Gilbert asks if Emma is joking, and she insists that she’s serious. Gilbert sighs, noting that someone is in trouble now.

Well, this isn’t all that bad. But a hug isn’t enough for him, Emma isn’t losing enough. Gilbert suggests something in addition. As Emma lets go of him and leans back, he touches her lips.

Even if it’s in front of servants, the nobility, or even the princes, she must kiss him no matter the time or place. At Emma’s silence, Gilbert asks her what she plans on doing.

Emma feels her heart pound. They’re not really lovers, and she’s not sure they can be considered friends. But Emma is also certain this is the last chance she has to save her friend. Emma slowly nods, and Gilbert helpfully points at his own mouth.

How about they start now?

Emma leans forward, slowly bringing her face closer to Gilbert.

Suddenly the door slams open, with someone shouting Emma’s name.  

Premium End – Gilbert POV

Everything was rigged against Emma from the start.

*Flashback Time – The Day Before*

Very causally Gilbert asks Silvio to help him in his acts of villainy. Silvio calls Gilbert an idiot and tells him to stop talking in his sleep.

The previous night, when Gilbert visited Silvio’s room, he was treated coldly.

Without any worries, Gilbert joins Silvio on his couch while the latter was sipping rose wine. Gilbert warned Silvio that the merchant inside him would want to hear Gilbert’s proposal. Silvio responded that he only listens to decent people.

Gilbert had a high-risk high-return proposal that Silvio would want to hear. He placed a box he had prepared in advance on the table in front of Silvio. Intrigued, Silvio flipped open the box, and was at a loss for words.

It was a very rare sample of ore, which could only be obtained from a small mine in Obsidian. There was no other mine in the known world that could produce anything so pure as this sample. Silvio shouted at Gilbert; demanding to know if he had just been walking around with that in his pocket?

Gilbert admitted that to him, this was just one stone among many. But he had been assured that someone like Silvio would see the value in it and see a treasure. Silvio’s eyes grew sharp, and he asked what Gilbert wanted. Smiling, Gilbert relaxed against Silvio’s sofa.

Silvio was aware of a dog that is always clinging to Emma, right?

Yes, Silvio is well aware of the shitty dog.

Great! Gilbert would be so happy if tomorrow Silvio found a way to distract the dog and keep him away from Emma.

With an odd expression, Silvio asked if that was all Gilbert wanted. Which it was, since the next day Emma would join her friend’s tea party. The poor girl was looking forward to it so much, to the point that she didn’t even notice she was being used.

No one approaches Emma without seeing the shadow of the Obsidian Prince looming over her. Gilbert had, of course, investigated Emma’s new friend, and discovered that her father was trying to make Obsidian contacts. The upcoming tea party with Emma would be the next step in his plans.

Well, Gilbert was happy to see something interesting, so it wouldn’t be a waste to go with Emma.

Bringing him back to the present, Silvio pointed out that the price of the ore sample alone would be enough to order assassinations on at least 100 VIPs. Seeing his question, Gilbert assured Silvio that he doesn’t intend to outsource his assassinations, he specializes in handling those himself. Silvio is disgusted at how proud Gilbert seems of that fact.

Silvio asked how much money does Gilbert intend to waste just so he can harass that woman. Gilbert intends to never let up on harassing Emma. Silvio asks what Gilbert’s end goal with her is.

(Could it be that Gilbert is just that easy of a mark?)

Gilbert realizes that because he paid so much, Silvio is now suspicious. Silvio points out that Gilbert is actually going out of his way to harass that woman, did she do something to him that is making him hold a grudge against her?

Gilbert complains that Silvio is too cruel and suspicious of him; calling Gilbert’s displays of affection harassment to his face. Besides, if he had a grudge against her, Emma would already be dead.

Again, Silvio asks what Gilbert’s end goal is. Well, Gilbert does have a clear purpose, but he’s not just going to tell Mr. Everything Has a Price. He asks Silvio if he knows Gilbert’s nickname.

The fucking eyepatch, the world calamity, marshal of everlasting victory, the trampling-

Gilbert cuts Silvio off, it was the trampling beast. The ‘fucking eyepatch’ is a new one that he decides to pretend he didn’t hear it.

Moving on, Gilbert has trampled and dominated so many countries that he has garnered the nickname ‘the trampling beast’. And he does not intend to change things just because this is Rhodolite.

Silvio groaned; Gilbert has managed to make him feel sorry for that poor woman. Gilbert laughs, he also feels sorry for her. Silvio shouts at him to not just feel sorry for her himself. Gilbert smiles sweetly at Silvio’s scowl, standing up.

Starting tomorrow, Emma is going to learn not to trust anyone other than Gilbert. He’s looking forward to Emma being betrayed and sold out by her dear friend.

*Flashback End*

So why the hell did it turn out like this?

*Flashback Time*

Gilbert’s plan should have gone smoothly. Emma had been gone for a little while, ostensibly to visit their hostess’ library. Then, the hostess came back alone, her complexion even worse than before. He had almost laughed; the young noblewoman was unable to hide her guilt at all.

When she told him Emma was calling for him, Gilbert had obediently followed the woman to the cellar, acting as if he didn’t have a clue what was in store. Upon their arrival, he had found the Earl holding an unconscious Emma hostage, surrounded by a group of mercenaries. This must have been a rush because rather than looking like proper noble guardsmen, this group looked like thugs from the rough part of town.

Upon seeing them, Gilbert laughed and told the Earl that he had made a mistake. If he wants to deal with Gilbert, he needs to hire at least three times as many men as he has here.

It wasn’t hard to handle them, especially when Gilbert got ahold of a sword.

The Earl was out of his depth, he didn’t even know how to use Emma as a proper hostage. While Emma is still unconscious, Gilbert decides to have a little chat with the Earl and his daughter. He’s looking forward to seeing Emma’s face fall to despair.

Just as he predicted from the start, the young lady used and then abandoned Emma the moment her life was on the line. Everything was going as Gilbert planned.

*Flashback End*

Emma blinks at the intruder, asking Louise what she was doing.

Emma’s lips had been a breath away from Gilbert’s when Louise slammed open the door and rushed inside the room. Gilbert notices that she has taken up his discarded sword and is holding it unsheathed.

Louise begs Gilbert to let go of Emma, and Gilbert wonders if there’s something loose inside her head. He reminds her that she was the one who betrayed Emma to start with, or has she forgotten already? Gilbert is disgusted that Louise is trying to act like a good person right now, when less than an hour ago she had sold out Emma. She is the kind of person Gilbert wants to kill the most, though there are plenty of aristocrats like her.

Louise agrees with Gilbert’s assessment, he was right. Her father ordered her to become close and friendly with Emma. But, in spite of knowing all of that, Emma still called her a friend.

Gilbert has a flashback to someone calling him a friend too. Someone who promised to never leave him alone.

Gilbert feels disgusted as Emma is moved to tears by Louise’s proclamation. Louise tells Emma that she’s sorry for everything, for being selfish. But she doesn’t want to hurt Emma anymore. Turning to Gilbert, Lousie reminds him that it was her and her family who disrespected Gilbert, not Emma. They should bear his punishment.

Okay then, just as he was originally planning Gilbert will-

No! Emma begs him not to hurt Louise. Louise calls out for her to stop protecting her, she’ll be fine. Just leave before Gilbert does something else to her! Emma promises Louise that she’ll live through it, so Louise should be the one to run away. No! Louise will not abandon her again!

(Seriously?)

Here Gilbert was, moments ago, ready to comfort Emma in her sorrow over a friend betraying her. And now, said friend is trying to sacrifice herself to save Emma, completely ruining Gilbert’s careful plans. Everything had gone the way he had calculated it would, up until this point. The woman, a young aristocrat, had betrayed Emma exactly as he had predicted.

Maybe it was Gilbert’s miscalculation. Back at the cellar, maybe he had shown a bit too much bloodlust, and that combined with the beauty of Emma’s heart had moved Louise’s. The existence of ‘Belle’ was more troublesome than Gilbert had anticipated. Gilbert tramples his enemies with malice, but Emma was the opposite.

Instead of corrupting her enemies, Emma purifies them. She and Gilbert are the worst when it comes to compatibility. Perhaps, in this world, Emma is his natural enemy. Even now, both Emma and her friend’s complexions are almost back to normal. While the situation they’re in is terrible, they must honestly believe their lot has improved.

It’s more than a little frustrating for Gilbert. Even now, his anger and murderous intention is gone, fading away like the tide. There’s nothing more for him to do other than admit defeat. He asks Emma if they want to say that she enjoyed the tea party and pretend everything else just didn’t happen.

Emma agrees, her blatant relief making Gilbert’s heart feel complicated.

Later

Gilbert places Emma on top of her bed, noting that she never woke up. She had fallen asleep in the carriage ride as if the greatest villain in the world wasn’t sitting mere feet away from her. Even when he had picked her up and carried her to her room, she never stirred once.

Besides that, Gilbert never got that interrupted kiss.

If Louise hadn’t interrupted them during that promise, he could have had so much fun with Emma.

Pokey-pokey. Gilbert pokes Emma’s lips, considering that he’s an arch-villain with a defenseless baby bunny right in front of him. He lowers his face to hers, before positioning his ear next to her mouth. There’s no point in kissing her now that she’s asleep and unaware, but there might be something to gain if he could figure out what she was dreaming about.

He listens shortly, before concluding that Emma is having a nightmare. He almost laughs, though she likes to pretend during the day that she’s fine, her dreams don’t lie. After all, there was no way the events of today wouldn’t leave a scar on her heart. Even if Emma and Louise have affirmed their eternal and everlasting friendship, the scars of betrayal would never go away.

And still, Emma will continue to believe in the inherent goodness in people, like a true idiot. And she’ll repeat the same mistake, again and again. He wonders how many betrayals Emma will suffer and how many more can she endure.

For some reason, Gilbert is feeling irritated. How confusing.

Emma stirs and begins to wake up, surprised to see Gilbert’s face so close to hers. After blinking at him a few times, her face turns bright red and she pulls the bed sheet over her face, hiding. Laughing, Gilbert asks what Emma was imagining just now, and Emma insists that she was imagining absolutely nothing. Her reactions only make Gilbert want to tease her more. He does feel sorry for her, wondering if anyone can protect her from him.  Gilbert settles down on the bed, lying next to Emma, watching her face reappear with a timid expression.

Emma asks him what he’s doing. Gilbert shrugs vaguely. Emma asks again, and Gilbert giggles. He pokes her lips, laughing. Mentally, he apologizes to Emma, explaining that he’s just in a really bad mood right now.

Emma, who had believed in her friend even after being betrayed, had purified her. She had been hurt badly enough to give her nightmares, but right now Emma was giving no signs of it. Maybe that’s why Gilbert is so upset.

Out loud, Gilbert asks Emma if she wants him to remind her.

Epilogue

What is the biggest threat to Emma? Is it a friend who would betray her, or an aristocrat with malicious intent?

No.

If he were to kidnap and interrogate Rhodolite’s court officials, they would all agree; the biggest threat to Emma is the Prince of Obsidian.

Right now, Emma, who should have been exhausted from being a hostage and the betrayal of her new friend earlier that day, trembled in bed. Not because she was consumed by terror, or even because she was cold. It was because a member of the opposite sex lay next to her.

When Gilbert offers to remind Emma what he has done, she quickly insists that he not. Gilbert bursts out laughing, and Emma leaps out of bed like a startled deer. She asks Gilbert if this is one big joke, and he insists that she has misunderstood him.

It’s a shame that she’ll believe in proven traitors and still won’t trust him even though he hasn’t done anything to her.

Changing the subject, Gilbert asks if Emma intends to change her clothes, now that she’s awake.  

There’s an awkward moment between them, and Gilbert asks if she wants him to leave. Too bad, because he intends to stay right here, where he’s comfortable. In her bed. Emma tells him that she can’t change clothes with him here, but he assures her that he doesn’t mind.

Well, Emma minds.

That’s new to him. Still, Gilbert doesn’t want to return to his room when he feels like this, so instead, he crosses his legs, all while continuing to lie on Emma’s bed.

With an unpleasant expression, Emma looks around the room as if searching for something to say. Eventually, she asks why Gilbert is in a bad mood.

Huh, he didn’t think she would notice. Maybe Emma is sensitive enough to people’s hearts that she could tell even though he was hiding it. Then again, Gilbert isn’t exactly putting much effort into hiding his mood.

Gilbert considers it, and decides that he’s upset because he can’t stop noticing how stupid Emma is. He holds fast to the idea that his prey should not be wounded. That being said, the wounds he intends to cause are fine.

Gilbert had calculated for and anticipated the scars on Emma’s heart and the wound on her neck during this event. However, seeing it in person makes his head fuzzy.

Emma assures him that she’s fine, and Gilbert asks if she’s a masochist who enjoys being hurt. Outraged, Emma asks how he got that from what she said. Oh, but he can tell just by looking at her.

Take today for example; Emma had been so close to sacrificing herself to save her friend. She sacrifices herself, both body and mind, for the sake of others. At this point, Emma knows that she’s Gilbert’s prey, but the moment he takes his eyes off of her, she starts hurting herself.

That’s why he’s in a bad mood.

After today, Gilbert is now convinced that the day will come when Emma will be hurt by someone without his knowledge. Really, she should just sit like docile prey and stay safe until he comes for her.

If he wants to name the reason he’s so upset, then Emma’s kindness upsets him. Even if it’s in his calculations, hurting herself, having nightmares by herself, it all frustrates him.

Emma’s eyes are wide open and she’s staring at Gilbert. Very gently, she tells him that normal people call this emotion ‘worry’. Gilbert is worried about her.

(Gilbert having vulnerable feelings? That's umpossible!)

Gilbert wonders how what he said was so misunderstood. This swirling black feeling in his chest is not worry. In the first place, he was involved in this latest incident that hurt Emma. However, something had gone awry.

The traitor who should have crushed Emma’s hope in other people changed sides at the last moment. Now Emma thinks that she can create miracles and that there’s nothing wrong with trusting others. Not everyone will behave like Emma’s friend did today, and the more she believes, the deeper the wounds of betrayal will sink. And he has no doubt that Emma will choose the path of injuring herself again and again.

Huh, maybe he is a little bit worried, now that he thinks about it. Oh, how disgusting.

Gilbert complains that Emma is going to act like he’s a good person thanks to this strange misunderstanding between them. Emma isn’t convinced that she’s wrong though, at least not this time.

Okay, Gilbert can recognize a declaration of war when he hears it.

Since Gilbert is so nice, he’s going to help Emma change clothes. Emma begins to thank him, but cuts herself off as the words sink in. What?

Ignoring Emma’s increasingly hysterical voice, Gilbert gets off her bed and strides to her wardrobe, rummaging through her clothes. It doesn’t take him long to find what looks like a feminine nightgown.

He’s just a kind-hearted young man who worries and cares about others, right? If that’s the case, Gilbert has no choice but to meet Emma’s expectations. Emma shrieks that she doesn’t need his help changing.

Oh, no, Emma started this, so Gilbert will finish this.

Emma asks where her butler is, he’s the one who’s supposed to be doing all this for her. The helpful young man he is, Gilbert reminds her that for today, he’s her butler. Emma points out that not even Rio helps her take off and put on clothes.

Well, Gilbert is just the better butler then.

He corners Emma, blocking her escape with both hands. By now, Emma should be aware that there is no threat greater to her than Gilbert himself. Since she is so insistent on it, Gilbert offers to let Emma take off her own clothes. Because he’s a nice and caring man.

Emma refuses.

Gilbert tells her that her options are to take off her own clothes or have her clothes taken off her. Emma refuses both options.

Okay, how does Emma want to be undressed then? Reflecting that maybe he’s been a bit too nice to her, Gilbert reaches out to Emma’s top.

He unbuttons it, sliding it down past her shoulders. Suddenly, Emma gets a new idea, and darts forward, pressing her lips to Gilbert’s cheek. Gilbert is so surprised; he stops his own movements.

Why is Emma kissing him now of all times?

Emma points out that he’s the one who wanted her to kiss him. So, now that she has, please forgive her. Gilbert scoffs and reminds her that when he wanted the kiss, he wasn’t pointing at his cheek. Helpfully, he demonstrates by pointing at his lips.

Emma shakes her head ‘no’. She doesn’t think that will happen unless she falls in love with Gilbert, which will absolutely never happen. Gilbert laughs, given Emma’s current state, he wouldn’t say that it’s an absolute impossibility.

It’s nice to be liked, but it would be bad if his intentions were misunderstood. He tells Emma that the only reason he’s protecting her is because she’s his prey, not out of any other silly sentiment. They should just leave it like that between them.

The uncomfortable feeling in his chest never lets up.

[joy-drops]

this mf long so don't tell me i didn't warn u

been in a rut for over a year

something something autistic burnout

idk the cause or the solution

just trying to survive each day as best i can

easier said than done when everything that brings me joy (ha) is behind a pay wall

that's capitalism baby~

found out fauna is going to the only anime convention i can attend on a reasonable budget.... but im already so broke....

I'd shell out the cash (debt) if it meant guaranteeing a spot at the meet and greet but they might not release info until too late when plane tickets are unaffordable ;_;

i wanna look forward to something because sustaining my sanity on retail therapy and getting high definitely is losing its effectiveness

brain always returns to the loneliness. i know its crippling but how much of my struggle is from that and how much is from my disability... they're both invisible which makes it hard to tell

would having a partner help that much? my gut tells me yes since ill have motivation to live if i have someone to share existence with but that feels like putting all my eggs in one basket and setting myself up for an unhealthy relationship

i like to think i won't fall down that path of toxic codependency like i have in the past tho im not crazy confident based on my track record

Which reminds me I've realized how appealing polyamory sounds to me but I'm terrible in groups I feel like I'd be overwhelmed with more than 3 (including myself) tho who knows what can happen

REGARDLESS i guess i gotta talk to people and make friends since i am incapable of socializing with the intention of dating (trust issues yippee)

i wish i had a crush at the very least. i bring this up often but i fucking miss the feeling of legitimate interest and attraction towards someone

How do I meet someone, become comfortable enough with them, and ultimately find a partnership that satisfies my insane desires???? maybe I'm putting the cart before the horse? Tackling too much at once? Something like that...

Imma be real the only reason I'm active on here is another mechanism to cope with this loneliness (akin to listening to asmr for instant happy brain juice + with the added benefit of "putting myself out there")

My strange fantasy that I'll meet people on here like I did years ago and magically hit it off

AAAAAAUGGHHHHH how did I do it back then it seemed so easy what happened to my social skills (trauma, probably)

How is it I work 2 days a week and am still drained constantly? when will I be free from sleepy bitch syndrome? it's like I've been running on fumes for the past year WHEN WILL I HAVE THE WILL TO LIVE AGAIN

i miss having someone to talk to frequently about everything

i have my besties but unfortunately knowing there's no sexual or romantic attraction there makes it hard for me to get past these barriers?? Is that weird? I wanna be able to be intimate with someone and close but for me that's intrinsically tied to sex and romance. I'm overflowing with platonic friendships to the point where I had to cut off a bunch and leave many people I care about hanging because I simply have no energy to exist anymore

I've been doing my best each day but it only gets harder

The only thing I have energy for is getting high and living inside the fantasies my brain can muster as a means to cope with how lonely I am

I dream of being hugged, of someone touching me, of being accepted for all my flaws and reassured that my existence isn't shameful. I live for the day these might become reality

Since as long far back as highschool I've yearned for intimacy

Physical intimacy specifically since the most I've done is hold hands and lil cute things like that I CRAVE SKINSHIP UNLIKE ANYTHING ELSE

Anyway if anybody made it this far hi feel free to confess ur undying love 2 me

[softersinned-arc]

@xfindingtrouble said: ♫ for percy

"time in a bottle" by rob lane, julia church, and jim croce

If I had a box just for wishes and dreams that had never come true The box would be empty, except for the memory Of how they were answered by you So if only I could save time in a bottle the first thing that I'd like to do Is to save every day till eternity passes away Just to spend them with you

i love this cover - it's so dreamy, and i think it's perfect for them. (the original is beautiful, too; i just like the echoing dreaminess of this one.) it's actually used for a wedding night in the discovery of witches show, and i think it's pretty perfectly selected as a wedding song, especially when one person in the equation is immortal and the other is not. astoria is perpetually aware of the passage of time, and torn between appreciating every moment she has with him and living deliciously with him, and trying to find a way to guarantee that she won't have too many days without him.

even though she has no regrets (how could she? they make her deliriously happy!) she finds that a lot of the love she feels for them is tinged with some premature sorrow: she knows that no matter how much she loves them now, and no matter how happy they are during the days they have together, those days are limited, and she will live with his memory longer than she lived with him. how is she supposed to be her, still, when the day comes that she's forgotten the exact shade of green of his eyes? or when she can't remember the exact tone of their voice?

"vampire smile" by kyla la grange

Baby, I need to leave, 'cause I'm getting drunk on your noble deeds It doesn't matter that they don't get done When I feel this cold, they're like the fucking sun Baby, I need a friend, but I'm a vampire smile, you'll meet a sticky end I'm here trying not to bite your neck, But it's beautiful and I'm gonna get so drunk on you and kill your friends

the physical hunger & craving she feels for him really can't be understated. she wants so badly to hunt him in those early days, because she can't really conceive of anything more intimate, more permanent, than that. the actual, physical need she feels to bite and drain him is a constant one, and when she smells anyone else on him, it makes her ill. he is the sun around which she orbits, warming her despite the reality of her undeath, and she's fighting her nature every step of the way because she wants him alive more than she wants him hers.

but she'd be a liar if she pretended that the urge wasn't there. she fantasizes sometimes about how their blood would taste. and when she does finally bite them, it takes every bit of self control she's ever had not to drain them dry, because she simply cannot get enough of them. how could she? and she feels guilt for that - for wanting to hunt him, for feeling shame in her own very natural desires as a vampire. some part of her thinks that he deserves better, and so she tries to become better in her own halting, stilted way. it never really takes. the effort is always uneven and, at its core, selfish. she still tries, for them. and after drinking his blood, she thinks about it all the fucking time. edward cullen's got nothing on her.

"foreigner's god" by hozier

Her eyes look sharp and steady into the empty parts of me Still my heart is heavy with the hate of some other man's beliefs... I've no language left to say it but all I do is quake to her Breaking if I try to convey it: the broken love I make to her All that I've been taught and every word I've got is foreign to me... Screaming the name of a foreigner's god The purest expression of grief

astoria's complicated relationship with god, divinity, religion in general is pretty well-documented on here; she's wounded, she's angry, she's grieving. she's sworn off faith as a whole, and she believes in the gods, she simply has no respect for them. holy ground rejects her; holy magic harms her; she has been built, changed, to be so deeply unholy that any god's touch is pain. and yet when percy dies she carries him past the threshold of a temple, and she walks across holy ground despite the pain she feels with every step to be the one to lay him at the altar, and when she gets outside, she prays. she prays to the dawnfather, because it's his guidance that built whitestone, and by extension, made percy. she prays to the everlight, because it's sarenrae who will bring him back.

and those last lines i quoted are really the ultimate expression, in this case, of love: her willingness to turn to any god for help, but to the two gods who, specifically, pose the greatest threat to her, compounding holiness with the sun. it's just that as far as she's concerned, there's no step too far that she could take for them. if prayer will do it, then she'll pray until their body's fully decayed. she'll pray to anyone. shit, if there were even the slightest chance that her own absent matron would help her, she'd beg her. astoria thinks herself inherently broken, too broken to ever touch holiness again, but for percy, she tries.

"when creation was young" by joy williams

When creation was young, before rivers learned to run Before Hell caught fire and God made the sun When creation was young... Before you, you took a breath, before sin ever confessed Before hate was a word and life found death Before you, you took a breath, oh, I was loving you

do you ever get emotional thinking abt the passage of time as it relates to these two bc i do constantly??? astoria spent a hundred and twelve years without percy. he didn't exist. he wasn't a thought to her. and still, after she meets him, it feels an awful lot like this was inevitable: like everything else in her life was just building to this. everyone before them was practice, so she'd know how to love, really love, when the time came. shitty way to think about past lovers? for sure. but she's also not changing a damn thing.

long before percy even existed, before they could have ever known her or known of her, she knew something was missing - and despite how many days she had without them, despite the days to come when they're gone and she's grieving, she wouldn't change a thing. she wouldn't wish a moment spent differently. in her mind, feeling how she felt so much more right after meeting them, and recognizing how she felt about them, she's loved him from the start, from long before he existed, and she'll love him long after.

"labyrinth" by taylor swift

'It only hurts this much right now' was what I was thinking the whole time Breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out I'll be getting over you my whole life... Uh oh, I'm falling in love Oh no, I'm falling in love again Oh, I'm falling in love

i'm not sure what exactly it is that has her fairly certain that there's no wonder left to be found in the world - she's going through a vampire adolescence & young adulthood and she's bored, and angry, and exhausted. she's realizing now that she's going to be doing this for the rest of her life, and her life will be very, very long. it's one thing to achieve immortality when you have someone or something to dedicate it to, and another thing entirely to realize that there's no other choice but to survive, even if you're running out of reasons.

and she's lost people she loved, watched everyone she knew die, and here's percy. short-lived, comparatively speaking, probably shorter-lived given their line of work and some of the decisions they make. the smart thing to do is walk away from this before she gets more tangled up in it. the smart thing to do is accept a long life that's fine, over a long life that shines very brightly for a short period and then fades into grief when that light fades. but the thing is that she does not make smart decisions. so, as scary as it is, she gives herself permission to see this through.

[lakecountylibrary]

I have a question: my favorite series is not in your collection. Is there a way for me to donate it in the hopes that someone else will read it? (I just want people to give it a chance so badly!) I already have the books (both ebook and physical copies), so it seems weird to request them when I have zero reason to check them out myself. And I know you accept donations, but I think those are generally for selling and not for the collection…although I could be wrong about that. Thanks for any information you can provide.

A very good question! The answer is: it depends on the series. If it's an older series - older than 2020, say - submitting a purchase request will probably just get you an Interlibrary Loan copy, which wouldn't help in your situation (though it always depends, there are always exceptions, etc etc.) Newer than that, though, and I'd say there's nothing wrong with submitting a purchase request even if you own the book! Just be aware that there's always a chance it'll be ILL'd instead. If it was me, I'd hedge my bets and start there - ILL costs you nothing. If your book does end up ILL'd, you can simply return it and, if you wish, proceed with the donation option. Now, you are correct that, for the most part, donated books are used in our book sale except in special cases (like if the author is local, or if we desperately need more copies because the holds list is out of control). However, since you asked, if you wanted to donate the series I would suggest bringing it in in person and telling the staff when you hand it over that you would like it to go to Technical Services to be considered for the collection. If you have to, say you talked to someone from the library on social media and they said we'd take a look (I'll back you up on that!) Now, that's not a guarantee anything you donate will be added to the collection. I certainly don't want you to waste your money purchasing the series again thinking this is a sure thing. We do have to run everything through our collection development criteria, which means inspecting the quality of the item, examining professional reviews, and considering the reputation of the publisher, among other things. The items may end up in the book sale anyway. I wish I had better news for you. But feel free to let us know what the series is and why you love it - we always answer asks publicly and maybe someone will see it and pick it up! Maybe you'll kickstart the fandom!

Alternatively, everyone put in the replies your fav underloved series so that anon here doesn't have to expose themselves if they don't want :) Good luck!!

[emptymanuscript]

Just to chime in on it being appreciated.

I remember this one chain we used to frequent. And, yeah, we got the same thing every time. But the lady at the register actually freaking thanked us one day. Because we were predictable, we tipped, and we smiled at her. She literally told us she appreciated us for making a few minutes of her day better.

For which we felt guilty for years afterwards - because we smiled at her because we thought she was cute as hell. But also like, yeah, this is a change. Being friendly and a known quantity was how good business worked.

I was considered a weirdo as a kid, not because I ordered the same thing every time but because I had interacted with the staff enough that we knew a bit more about each other than was considered appropriate. When I passed a frequent waitress out and about and we said hi and she asked me how my dentist appointments went because we had talked about it at the restaurant - that was when my friends commented that I ate there too much. Again, not that I ordered the same item too much.

Though… I suppose it might have come up once during a school play rehearsal when we made a mass pizza order (from a different restaurant) of which only one small pizza was made to my specs and the restaurant asked if it was going to be delivered to my address. And my friend making the order looks up from his list, turns to look at me while he said into the pay phone, no, but they’re here. So… I dunno.

Still, considered eccentric, not like a major issue.

And I guarantee you. I have never had any feedback from anyone anywhere ever that a steady order, a tip, a smile, and a pleasant greeting is anything other than appreciated. Do that and it isn’t the staff that is going to think there’s something wrong with you.

If you really want to get on their good side and make sure they never think ill of you again, the next time something you particularly like happens, ask to speak to a manager and tell the manager how happy you are with that thing.

You ever see someone’s face light up at an unexpected present? Yeah, that’s what a manager getting a compliment about someone looks like. You will have just made that manager’s week. Because people only talk to them to complain. The managers will just start babbling about how great that person is and how that’s all part of the ethos. Trust me. The entire establishment will LOVE you. Because a happy manager is a manager that makes everyone else’s life easier.

Generally speaking - no one cares about you unless you provoke them. They simply don’t have time or energy to care about anything that doesn’t stand out as an emotional SHOVE. So unless you’re particularly mean and/or rude OR particularly nice and/or easy. You fly right under the radar.

And if you’re nice and easy enough to be noticed, people will absolutely choose to spend their energy on you instead of the legion of annoying people. For the exact same reasons you would.

Here's an example of some of that shifting frame I'm talking about, as we truly enter the 21st, and leave behind the 20th Century. This is actually a really normal interaction that you see in 20th century media. Most people my age and older understand it as completely normal and it is not seen as autistic.

I have had to reassure any number of people that asking for the same beverage two visits in a row, and or being a regular at a specific restaurant, is not weird.

Maybe it is weird now. I don't know.

But it would not have been considered weird at ANY point during the majority of my lifetime. You will see this kind of an interaction in a majority of 20th century sitcoms. Probably even later ones. But I suspect that the people the most worried about this, are not in the media consumption silo that would show this. Sitcoms will show this, but lots of the most socially anxious people do not watch sitcoms. (I've noticed this for ages.)

"The Usual" is actually NOT an inconvenience to shopkeepers.

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

To my Maroon,

I’m in between and I’m torn. Clearly I do not value my own feelings and health and cling simply to you. I do not even understand your full intentions, I just know you like me,  that’s all I know and that’s just based on what you said. I like you too, but I don’t like the version of me that I developed throughout our connection. I’m careless, I’m confused and I’ve had illnesses, physical, mental and emotional. I thought I can handle this, I thought I’m used with the trauma but I’m not. I’m just too soft for all of these. 

Sorry. I like you too, I may have liked you more than you will know or more than I have shown but I decided to choose myself this time. 

I hate it when I waited for 12 hours for you to reply. I hate it when you forgot my tattoos and their placements. I hate the way I’m making a cringey and overly emotional letter for a 3-mon love affair.  I hate it when you lied, you didn’t flinch an eye but mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, when I know I should. Maybe because I know, it’s my fault too. I have risked it too without even the guarantee of anything. 

They’re things I need to settle with my life I can’t afford to lose focus.  I’ll see you, when I go back to Nectar or when I see you wherever, I’ll still smile and say hello. I have no grudges. I have no regrets. I learned so much. 

Thank you for everything. Thank you for making me feel special. I appreciate the good mornings, the quick getaways, the coffee conversations, the dance under the blinking lights, the overflowing food-trips, the affectionate pillow talks, the neck smudges, the honest opinions over life issues, the birthday bonding with Joven. You’ve taught me a secret language you know I can’t speak with anyone else.

I’ll miss the how you modulate your voice when you explain with all conviction. I’ll miss your quick-witted jokes about everything I say. I’ll miss when you smell my hair, you’ll say it smells nice when I know I’m absorbed all the samgyup scent in the world. I’ll miss the comfortable quiet car rides when I don’t know what to talk about and you’ll shout belting Regine Velasquez songs. I’ll miss the intensive casino business model lectures I can’t comprehend up until now. Most of all, I’ll miss the way you make me feel. 

All good things must come to an end. I need time to rebuild myself and my life. Maybe in the future or maybe in the next lifetime we’ll meet again and we’ll make things work. 

And I’ll wake with your memory over me, that’s a real lasting legacy to live. 

Green

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Warped

I really wish we could talk more about how the Rogues Gallery are all just people. Not in the Superman way, where there are only a few metas and therefore should have been taken out by the gun of an average Gothamite years ago... but in the Batman way, where you have to sympathize with them because they’re not monsters.

They’re unabashedly human, just in the worst ways.

There are the ones that have the stereotypical villainous motivations.

Oswald Cobblepot’s greed.

Edward Nygma’s pride.

They’re all pretty standard for villains, but they’re all things we experience from time to time. And besides...

Isn’t greed just fear that has been given a purpose - a goal?

Isn’t pride all about knowing your worth, your skills and strengths, and wanting to prove it to others?

And the others? They’re all simply people that go too far, who are the warped versions of otherwise good things. And doesn’t just that make them more tragic?

Some of them are driven by values.

Pamela Isley and loves the environment. Humans are ruining the world with their misdeeds. A few people in power create a large part of the world’s problems. It stands to reason that, if she wants to help out the Earth, these people need to stop. So, she makes them stop. One way or another.

Harvey Dent craves justice. Before his mental illness took over and he was becoming lucid less and less, he was all about justice. He still is, in his own way. Harvey Dent wants people to pay for their crimes, wants people to face consequences for their misdeeds. In a place like Gotham, justice is hardly ever served, so he takes it upon himself. He chooses to embody the justice that Gotham lacks. We all know justice is blind. And, if he’s blind, how is he supposed to see when he’s going too far?

And the ones who are based around their emotions.

Victor Fries sees his wife, the woman he loves, in pain and it’s ultimately the preemptive grief he feels over losing her that drives him to keep doing heinous act after heinous act. Can you even guarantee you wouldn’t do the same in the same situation? People say it all the time, after all. They would do anything for the person they love. Can you really blame him for actually going through with it?

Jason Todd is all about weaponizing his trauma. He was murdered, and then he came back. And the man who murdered him? He’s still alive - no, even worse, he’s still laughing. Could you imagine seeing the person who killed you every day on TV? To watch them hurt even more people? Joker has been killing people for years, will continue to kill people for years to come. And Jason wants it to stop. It should have ended with him. He had lived on the street, where an eye for an eye is one of the few things people agree on. And yet his dad, the only person with the ability to kill Joker, still refuses to do so. Jason wonders if his death meant anything - if his life had meant anything. No, he realizes, because Bruce refuses to acknowledge it. So, Jason resolves to force Bruce to acknowledge that the boy he used to know and love is long gone.

Then there are the ones that are driven by traits that would otherwise be seen as good.

Harleen Quinzel wants to help. Joker plays the role of a siren, hand out and begging for the help she wants so desperately to give him. But he keeps backing up just before she can reach him, luring her further and further away, and she can’t seem to see that the teeth in that ever-present smile of his are far too sharp to be human until it’s too late. And she’s already gone this far, hasn’t she? If she gave up now, all that work she did would be useless. No one else will help him, and it’s her literal job to do so. Maybe if she goes just a little further...

Jonathan Crane is curious. He’s infatuated with knowledge, he loves learning about things that interest him. And humans? God, humans are so interesting. He researches psychology and chemistry, he wonders how humans work and he does everything within his power to learn everything there is to know about them. But what he learns in those classes isn’t enough for him. What drives them, he wants to know. And fear, he realizes, reveals. People tend to lie, and lies make for bad data. But fear? People show their true selves when they’re terrified. And he wants to know... so, he does everything within his power to learn everything there is to know.

Many of the issues the Rogues present aren’t complex. Murder is bad, what they’re doing is distinctly wrong. But the point of them isn’t to be morally grey, it’s to make you question yourself.

Given time, resources, and proper motivations... couldn’t you end up the same way?

[geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde]

Love of my life, could you write for me some beautiful geraskier? There's a prompt; the story is taking place first few days after Jaskier meet Geralt and decided to stick with him. Geralt wasn't very found of it and was more annoyed when he had to save the bard from monster (Jaskier probably is being more dramatic about it then he should be) and/or some people that didn't like the preformet and they happened to be more violent then others. Jaskier is sorry about those actions of course, but Geralt is still pissed of until Geralt gets into trouble (u chose how dangerous ❤️) and now it's Jaskier role to save him (spoiler; they'll be fine at the end) and from then Geralt isn't that sceptical about the bard.

Sorry for any language errors. Have a great day!

Hello darling! I know its been like... thirty thousand years since you sent me this prompt so... sorry for the wait? I hope it lives up to expectations if you didn’t completely forget you sent it 😅😅😅

-

Geralt sighed as Jaskier sent another wink toward the pretty barmaid. The pretty barmaid that was very obviously married to the rather large man sitting at the bar. Staring angrily at Jaskier.

The pair had been travelling together for about a week at this point, Jaskier proving to be a rather persistent type of mold that Geralt just couldn’t quite manage to get rid of. Geralt’s fondness for his new travelling companion was rather limited. The man was useful on occasion but really it was starting to seem like he was far more trouble than he was worth.

Jaskier strummed his lute one last time, sending another provocative wink in the direction of the barmaid. Just as he swung his lute strap over his head and bent down to place the instrument in its case, the large man from the bar stood up, making his was over to Jaskier, lumbering intimidatingly.

Sighing, Geralt stood from his seat. Really, one of these days, he would need to let Jaskier get his ass beat to a pulp. Maybe that would teach him to be more careful in choosing his bedmates. Or at least a bit more discreet about it.

Geralt felt rage run through him as the man approached Jaskier from behind and lifted his arm, ready to strike. Geralt reached out and grabbed the man’s arm, spinning him around, “Would you really hit a man with his back turned?” he growled out. The man paled visibly and stepped back. He was probably used to being the largest man in the room, but not with Geralt there. He shook his head, not uttering a word, and made his way back over to the bar, his head down. The barmaid was blushing a bright shade of red.

Geralt turned to look back as Jaskier who was staring at him in shock, “Thank you! I didn’t even hear him come up behind me. Surely, he couldn’t have been that offended by my set. Everyone else appreciated it!”

Geralt grabbed Jaskier by the upper arm, ushering the bard up the stairs, “Geralt? Geralt! What is going on?”

Geralt growled, “Shut up. He was trying to hit you because you were winking at his wife.”

“His wife?”

“The barmaid.”

Jaskier was quiet for a beat, “Ohhh… I didn’t realize that was her husband.”

“But you knew she was married.”

“Well, sure. But it wasn’t a happy marriage by any means so if I could offer her a night of ple-”

Geralt shoved Jaskier through the door to their shared room, “Go to sleep. At least you don’t tend to cause fights with your snores.”

-

“Okay, no, I’m not listening to this anymore.”

Geralt pressed a hand to his temple, already feeling the headache beginning. He had told the bard to remain quiet and not interrupt his negotiations. This particular alderman was known to shortchange him, always arguing that Geralt didn’t actually do what he said or claiming that it wasn’t worth the price Geralt was demanding. The price that he and Geralt had agreed upon prior to Geralt taking the contract. And so, he hadn’t wanted Jaskier getting in the way and making things worse.

“Jaskier,” He said sharply, but the bard in question simply waved one hand dismissively, not even looking at Geralt.

“Alderman, you agreed upon a price. Pay the price.” He placed his hands on his hips, staring the alderman down haughtily.

The man sputtered, “I’ll not have you interfering with my business, bard.”

“Oh, well in that case, I’ll keep my comments to myself for now and instead relay them to the headmaster when I next pass through Oxenfurt.”

The man stared at Jaskier coldly, “And what would that matter to me?”

Jaskier shook his head, shrugging, “Nothing, I don’t suppose. I’m sure that a well-respected professor who graduated with honors and is a personal friend with the headmaster speaking ill of an alderman certainly wouldn’t affect that particular towns chances for hosting the upcoming bardic event.”

The man paled slightly, “And how would you know if I were trying to host that?”

“Well, I have won that particular competition that last five years so I suppose it would make some sense that they would ask my opinion. I hear that the towns that host it often see a great increase in profits after. It must be a great boon to the town. It would be a shame if the town were to lose that because their alderman was a greedy bastard who went back on his word.”

The alderman grunted, yanking a bag of coin out of his desk and throwing it angrily at the bard, “There. Now leave, and don’t you dare speak word of this to anyone at Oxenfurt.”

Jaskier weighed the bag thoughtfully, the coins inside clinking, “No worries, I won’t mention what a stingy bastard you are. Although I will tell them about the rest of my time here. Come along, Geralt.” Jaskier smiled a rather sinister grin at the alderman before turning on his heel and walking out triumphantly.

-

Back in their room, Geralt counted out the coins carefully, finding 50 more ducats than he had asked for. He looked up at Jaskier curiously, “Why did you do that?”

Jaskier looked up at Geralt, blinking slowly as if it took him a moment to understand what Geralt was talking about, “He was being difficult, and I had a way to speed things along.”

“I didn’t need your help,” Geralt grunted.

“Of course you didn’t. But I gave it anyway.”

Geralt frowned, he didn’t understand the bard sometimes. Ever, really. He just gave freely, help and kindness just flung about, wherever he could give it. It wasn’t something Geralt was used to.

“Why?” Geralt finally asked, his eyes meeting Jaskier’s own.

Jaskier shrugged, “You’ve been good to me, Geralt. Let me do you kindness in return.”

Geralt couldn’t imagine Jaskier ever being anything but kind. Although… “Did you really mean it when you told the alderman you could ruin his chances at hosting the competition?”

Jaskier hummed, a satisfied smirk on his face, “I did. And, seeing as I don’t have anything nice to say about this shit hole, I can guarantee he won’t be happy when the decision is announced.”

Geralt let out a surprised chuckle, it seemed that the bard really did have teeth.

-

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[omgrachwrites]

The Princess and The Duke - Chapter Six

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Summary: As the   Princess of  Spain, you were always supposed to marry King James of   England to make  an alliance between Spain and England. When he marries a  woman at his  court for love, you are married off to his best friend, Sirius Black the  Duke of Bedford to keep the alliance. However, the   court is riddled  with secrets and a rebel in the North starts to rise   against the Throne.  Royal AU.

Warnings: fluff, fluff and more fluff! Mentions of sex, little bit of angst

Words: 2458

Disclaimer: This gif does not belong to me and I’m so sorry if this Spanish is wrong!

Translation: espero vivir para ver tu hermoso rostro una vez mas - I hope to live to see your beautiful face once more.

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy this part, please let me know what you think and let me know if you would like to be tagged! I love you all! xxx

Chapter Six - Onwards to England

The first day of summer heralded with a clear blue sky and an almost sweltering heat, it arrived a couple of days before Sirius and his wife had to leave for England. Sirius wanted to make the most of the hot summer’s day before it was too late. The weather in England was temperamental, though it was now summer, the weather in England couldn’t always be guaranteed. That was why he was taking some time away from his work to spend time with Y/N.

Sirius grinned as he put the finishing touches together before he left the garden in search of Y/N. He found her in the grand ballroom speaking with some of the staff about the ball they were throwing on the night before they left for England. When Y/N spotted him she bid goodbye to the servants and wandered up to him with a bright smile on her face.

“Good afternoon,” she cupped his neck and greeted him with a sweet kiss, “I haven’t seen you much today, what have you been doing?”

“Well,” Sirius started, pulling his beautiful wife close, “if you come with me, I’ll show you,” he grinned as he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

Y/N laughed as she raised an eyebrow, “I’ll go with you, only if it won’t sacrifice my honour,” she teased as she took his arm and they walked from the ballroom.

Sirius smirked as he held in a snorting laugh, “oh Princess, your honour was sacrificed on our wedding night, over and over again.”

“Sirius,” Y/N gasped and giggled as she slapped his arm lightly, a flush forming on her cheeks. Sirius chuckled and kissed her perfumed cheek.

Sirius led her over the beautiful sun kissed grounds, through the water gardens and through the small thicket of trees that were on the edge of his estate. Y/N gave him a quizzical look as he got an old rusty key out of his pocket, lifted the curtain of ivy and unlocked the heavy door.

Y/N gasped as she ventured inside and gazed at the garden and the flowers that were growing all around her, “I didn’t even know that this was here, it’s so beautiful.”

Sirius smiled and wrapped his arms around her from behind, resting his head on her shoulder, “I didn’t find it until a couple of years ago, I found the key in one of the cabinets in the chateau. I tend to it but I’ve never brought anyone else here,” he chuckled, suddenly feeling nervous.

Y/N let out a little laugh as she turned to face him and he saw the tears that were sparkling in her eyes, “I love it Sirius, thank you for bringing me here,” Sirius smiled as he pressed a lingering kiss to her lips.

“Come on,” he led her down the stone steps and through the flowers that grew around their feet to the spot beneath the tree where he’d set up the picnic, “I wanted us to make the most of the remaining time we have left here. I made sure to get all of your favourite things together.

Y/N smiled, “you are simply the best husband in the world,” she giggled as she popped one of the ripe strawberries into her mouth as Sirius uncorked the wine.

There weren’t many things that were sweeter than ripe strawberries and summer wine but Y/N’s lips were definitely one of them. Their stomachs were full and they had resorted to kissing in the shade of the tree. When Sirius’ hand dipped beneath Y/N’s skirts she giggled against his lips and placed a hand on his chest, pushing him away gently.

“Where did you find all the time to do this? What about your work for the King?”

Sirius sighed, biting his lip, he wasn’t sure how Y/N would take the news, “I’ve got it all sorted, Regulus is going to Cumbria as a spy. He offered.”

“What?” Y/N sighed, sitting up, “why didn’t you tell me? I’ve sent some of Spain’s best men to investigate the threat,” she narrowed her eyes.

“Look Y/N, if it is rebels then Regulus will be in a much better position to deal with them. Our family were awful; they would have done anything to overthrow the Potters. James and I were tutored together as children and we became best friends. I hated my parents and their ideals. James’ parents took me in as their second son. If it is rebels in Cumbria then they’ll think that Regulus is one of them. He’ll be taking passage to England with us before he rides to Cumbria.”

Y/N sighed as she fiddled with her fingers, “it seems like you’ve got it all figured out, I just wish that you had both spoken to me about it,” she looked so hurt, “we were supposed to be in this together.”

Sirius nodded as he cupped her cheeks, pressing a kiss to her mouth, “we are in this together, I’m sorry Y/N.”

Y/N smiled as she combed her fingers through his hair, “I forgive you, it’s hard not to with that pretty face,” she giggled, tracing his lips with her thumb, “I want another try at making a baby, we may have made one already but if we haven’t then I want another try.”

In that moment where she was lying against the tree she had never looked more beautiful and he had never wanted her more. He was glad that his new wife liked to be intimate with him, “as my Princess wishes,” he hesitated, looking down at her. He wanted to tell her, he needed to tell her, even if she didn’t feel the same, “I love you Y/N.”

Y/N smiled as she gazed up at him, tears sparkling in her eyes again, “I love you too Sirius, truly,” she beamed, leaning up to kiss him.

After their picnic – and their love making – they came across Remus in the corridor and he was looking unusually grim. Before Sirius could ask him about it, he had blurted it all out, “Do you remember that Lord who wanted me to meet his daughter, Mary? Well, I’ve invited him to the ball,” he took a deep breath, “you’re right; sometimes we have to do our duty to the King. Sometimes we have to choose duty over love.”

Sirius was rendered silent. What was Remus doing? Why was he giving up everything?

“What about Sophia? Have you thought about her, My Lord?” Remus just gulped before shaking his head and striding down the corridor without another word.

Y/N heaved a huge sigh as she gave Sirius a worried look, biting her lip, “Sophia will be heartbroken.”

Sirius nodded as he clenched his jaw, “I know my love, I’ll try and talk to him.”

The ball quickly came around the following evening and Y/N looked beautifully ethereal in a dress of golden satin and a crown of bronze leaves in her hair. She looked stunning and it seemed that many of the guests thought so too. Many Lords and noblemen were vying for her attention and Sirius felt an itch of jealousy as he watched stranger’s eyes roam over his wife. Though as soon as Y/N kissed him passionately in the middle of the ballroom his jealousy melted away and all he could focus on was Y/N.

The ball was going splendidly so far, there had been no drunken brawls to speak of and it seemed that everyone was getting along fine; Sirius didn’t want a fight to break out in his home. However, Y/N had been right, Sophia seemed completely heartbroken; she ended up spending most of her time outside in the balmy summer air beneath the setting sun. When she came inside in short intervals to get another drink her eyes were red and bloodshot. It was painfully obvious that she’d been crying her eyes out and she ended up retiring from the party early. What was worse was the fact that Remus had refused to look her way all evening. The Lady Mary was charming and beautiful but it was clear that Remus’ heart just wasn’t in the right place.

Sirius smiled as he danced with his wife while she gazed up at the beautiful artwork of the angels that had been painted on the ceiling, “are you looking forward to going to England Y/N?”

Y/N tore her eyes away from the ceiling and smiled at him beautifully, “well, it will certainly be an adventure,” she grimaced, “onward to England I say.”

Sirius pulled her close, “I’ll be right by your side, I promise, I’m not going to leave you Y/N.”

Y/N beamed at him as she nudged her nose against his and she kissed him long and deep, “I love you Sirius.”

------------------------------

The voyage to England was just as rough and unpleasant as you remembered from when you travelled from Spain. You spent most of the trip with your head in a bucket as Sirius stroked your hair. When you weren’t ill you were reading stories such as the Arthurian legends and tales of pirates and mermaids that dwelled in unknown corners of the world.

Finally, after what felt like forever, the ship docked in Portsmouth and England welcomed you with a blue sky and just the hint of a sea breeze. You smiled as you watched the sun shine on the surface of the sea, making it shimmer like diamonds. It was a beautiful sight to see.

When Regulus parted ways with you to leave for Cumbria you hugged your brother in law, “good luck Regulus and be careful.”

He smiled as he kissed your hand, “espero vivir para ver tu hermoso rostro una vez mas.”

Sirius scoffed at his brother’s words and you fought back a giggle, you were especially glad that Sirius couldn’t understand Regulus; otherwise you doubted that Regulus would be leaving here alive. As you rode through the pretty English countryside you gazed over the rolling hills, spying little chapels and cottages that were nestled among the trees. Sirius told you tales of his childhood with James, how they stole the piping hot bread from the kitchens and they tried to smuggle a peacock out of the menagerie.

You giggled and looked over at Sophia, she was smiling but you could see the sadness in her eyes and you couldn’t blame her, it seemed like Remus would be getting married before the year was out, “it’ll be alright Sophia,” you promised.

“Thank you, Your Highness,” she sniffled, “I just wanted him to love me,” you wished that you could take away her pain but words could only do so much.

As you and Sirius were lead into the throne room there were many chatters and murmurs as you and Sirius approached the King and Queen. You ignored the many jealous filled looks that the ladies of the court awarded you. Queen Lily had a hand resting on her stomach and you hoped it was because she was pregnant.

“Duke and Duchess, welcome. Thank you for coming back to court, it’s an honour,” King James began.

You curtseyed while Sirius sank into a low bow, “the honour is all ours, Your Majesty,” Sirius smiled.

“The two of you must be exhausted after your long trip. Why don’t you get settled in your chambers and we’ll have a feast this evening to welcome you,” Queen Lily radiantly smiled at the two of you.

The chambers that you and Sirius were going to be staying in were very comfortable and spacious, there was a grand fireplace in the middle of the room but hopefully you wouldn’t be getting use out of it this summer. There was a portrait of two beautiful little boys hanging over the fireplace and you frowned as you looked at it, wondering who it was. It was then that you recognised those grey smiling eyes.

“Is this you and James?” you smiled at your husband as he flopped down on the huge bed.

“Yes, these were my chambers when I leaved at court, before I moved to my estate in France. I’ve missed these rooms very much.

You smiled as you wandered over to him and sat next to him on the bed, running your fingers through his long hair as he rested his head in your lap. You leaned down and kissed his forehead, “well, you were a very beautiful child,” you giggled as he flushed and kissed your hand, “I want a portrait like that of our children,” you admitted with a smile.

Sirius gasped and sat up, looking at you with wide eyes, “are you saying that you’re pregnant?” there was so much hope in his eyes and you hated to disappoint him but you didn’t know yet, you hoped that you were. Nothing would make you happier than being the mother of his children.

You shrugged as you cupped his cheek, almost wincing as you saw the disappointment in his eyes, “I can’t be sure, we haven’t been intimate long enough for me to tell. But, as soon as I know, you’ll be the first one I tell,” you promised him with a kiss.

Sirius nodded, pulling you into his arms, “and I’ll anxiously be awaiting the day.”

A few weeks later you and Sophia joined Queen Lily and Lady Mary – the woman that Remus seemed to be courting – for breakfast. It was a warm summer’s morning as you sat on the balcony, the day was so clear that you could see the hills that loomed and blanketed the villages. Sophia had been very quiet all morning, it seemed like she had been shocked into silence, because Queen Lily had announced that Lady Mary would be coming to court as one of her ladies. Mary was very charming and kind but you just couldn’t find it in your heart to like her, not when your best friend’s heart had been shattered.

Lily sighed as she popped a raspberry into her mouth, “do you think it makes me less of a woman, the fact that I can’t conceive a child?”

You sighed as you reached across the table and took her hand, “it will happen Your Majesty, I promise.”

Lily smiled at you prettily as she offered around a plate of strawberry tarts, “I know they’re your favourite Y/N.”

You smiled weakly as you took a tart off the plate and took a little bite; you almost grimaced as the sweet flavours filled your mouth. They usually were your favourite, the strawberries were impossibly sweet and the pastry was wonderfully flaky. However, you had lost your liking for them and you thought you knew why. It was something that you could not tell the Queen. Not yet.

------------------------------ 

@smiithys​ @elayneblack​ @amelie-black​ @siriuslyjanhvi​ @pregnant-piggy​ @lindatreb​ @mabelle-cherie​ @hxrgreeves​ @britishspidey​ @mads-bri​ @classicrocketqueen​ @sxtansqueen​ @hufflepuffzutara​ @missmulti​ @bruxa0007​ @ourstarsailor​ @fific7​ @galwithbluethoughts​ @2410slb​ @sunles​ @krismeunicornbaobei​

[ofmermaidstories]

Tbh you bring up some rlly great points in ur response to that asker abt chonky chapters! but first, I will always jump into askboxes to remind people that their writing is for them first and foremost. if a reader finds longer work more intimidating, then it's on them to either brace themselves and read it anyway or look somewhere else. the benefit of the BNHA reader insert community in particular is that there are MANY other places to look! nobody's limited if they prefer longer fics or little drabbles, there's so many out there that it's impossible to read them all even if u absolutely refuse to read one type or another. And it goes the other way too! dont pressure urself to write more bc its what you think your fanbase wants—youre providing absolutely incredible work for free, write it how u wanna. anyway! all that out of the way, bc I also have some original fiction/manuscripts that I'm working on, and also bc comparing fanfic & fanfic writing to "real"/"traditional" fiction/publishing is a rlly cool topic that I enjoy discussing, i have some Opinions abt what you talked abt with bad writing habits. bc the BIGGEST thing that sets fanfic and "real" fiction apart is editing. simply put fanfic is never edited with the same vigorousness as a YA manuscript might be, even if you have many beta readers and you feel like your edits are massive. editing in traditional publishing is primarily the work of other people—an editor who is being paid to do so, sometimes even a team of them; beta readers and sensitivity readers who are also being paid to do so (the paid part is important, bc even tho we care about hobbies we arent doing them professionally!)—and v importantly, theres something you hear a lot from writers that from rough draft to print their work practically became multiple different books along the line. it's rigorous, it's practically half the total work & time put into working on a book these days. fanfic doesnt have that! i guess my point is that you're thinking that, like fanfic, the pressure of what to cut on the chopping block will come to you if/when you do make the jump to "real" writing, but it likely won't. you'd have editors to say "these parts dont matter as much, chop them" or "this is lengthy, cut it down" so your job is to do the work they tell u n trust them lmfao. ofc if you become a diva writer who bitches n moans n refuses to edit that's a different story (and frankly one that's becoming more common as fanfic authors start to break into the traditional publishing world, and writing esp in ya is v much suffering as a result imo) but. well. i dont believe thatll be a problem for u merm JKBAAKJHFS esp considering ur already thinking abt it as for accessibility...... first off one of the benefits of posting on ao3 as opposed to tumblr is that ao3 has a ton of scripts for users that can help with that. but you can always leave a little note in a chapter saying "hey, this is a good time for a break!" or something. or break it up differently! s'all up to you

either way ik ill eagerly read anything u put out 😌 whether its 10k or 30k or 100k, fanfic or original <333

Omg, Pluvi, i love you LMAO sdkjsdklfjh okay okay hang on, lemme squint at this for a bit.

I’ve always wondered if like, this unedited freedom is what’s given rise to the whole, worship-culture of long fics?? Okay, worship-culture isn’t the right term for what I want, but we’re gonna keep it for now — idk, because unless you’ve got a guaranteed audience to sell to or an editor who REALLY goes to bat for you, most publishers are gonna be leery of like, things over 100k???? The chonky-ass book trend has only been a relatively recent thing!!! I remember Tamora Pierce (one of my favourite childhood authors!!) saying that Harry Potter/Stinker (derogatory) really opened up the door to publishers being more willing to print big books, because it was proving that there was enough kids out there who would read them.

And on one hand, I feel like fandom sort of proves that that can be true for a general audience, too. Because you’ll come into a fandom and there’ll be someone going, “omg read this super popular Dramonie fic!! it’s 300k and will take a solid week off your life but it’s sooooo good!!!” (i am not a dramonie fan personally but that has also not stopped me from reading some of the single most popular fics in that ship — mostly because i was listening to a podcast one day that was like, two hours long and was an interview with a really popular Dramonie author who’s fics I kept seeing on tiktok being book-bound???? idk, it was interesting! She talked about how she would finish a chapter in a week (jealous) and then send it off to her army of betas and then post it via her phone while in service at Church LMAO dslksdkljdfk anyways). But then I wonder, like — is it less about length, and more about what you can explore when given the freedom to write whatever you want? And people just confuse length with that freedom? Because I have read some long, long, long fics that I can tell you right now were better off stopping like, 50k in LMAO. And I think being a storyteller (which we all are, really) means knowing when enough’s enough (i say, like my dumb ass isn’t planning an interconnected trilogy sdlkfjsdlkjf).

The fanfic-author-to-pubbed-author pipeline is FASCINATING lmao, because I always think of 50 Shades of Gray :’) Our Twilight-loving friend really said, “replace Edward and Bella’s names and hit print money” and it WORKED LDSKFJLDKSFJ. I guess… more so because it was just blatant erotica? I feel like fanfic is a really good example of the power of hornee LOL. But also that people… want it???? I dunno, the overlap is fascinating. I think a really interesting like, case study in the power of an editor/beta is the Caroline Calloway story, who is like, very, very, micro-ly infamous for like, being an early instagram “influencer” — she likes to say that she pioneered the “long caption” trend, because she (as an American citizen) went off to Oxford University and started using her instagram to like, chronicle the magic of those days — rowboating with Titled peers, spending a weekend in Italian with aristocrats and eating squid-ink pasta at midnight. She would have these long, long captions that were poetic and charming and she gathered a bit of a modest following because of it — and ended up scoring like, a 200k book deal from it? A book deal that she then reneged on because she couldn’t deliver the finished product — because her friend, Natalie, was ghostwriting said book, after editing the instagram captions for her. They’d had a falling out during the process of writing the book and it’s proposal though — so obviously, Natalie wasn’t ghostwriting anymore, and Caroline, under the influence of an addiction, couldn’t deliver. To this DAY, Caroline is STILL promising a book that she’s trying to self-publish, but she’s been promising (and has opened pre-orders) for it since like, 2019 LMAO. Okay, you know what, that actually has literally nothing to do with what we’re discussing here right now LMAO but idk.. it’s fun so I’ll leave it in sdlkfjsdlkfj. A neat little detour!!!

writing’s hard. :’) and i think i personally find it harder than it might actually be because — I worry about it like it’s my job, instead of something i do for fun LMAO. and, ultimately, i am a people pleaser at heart!!! i will only ever write the things i like, but i want the people who read them and like them too to like… idk, have fun doing it, LOL. it’s fine, this is fine. It’s interesting, because I didn’t have this pressure working on my manuscript — I just wrote the story I wanted to, and then the strictness came when I sat down to edit it the first time. I was on my second round of edits when i fell head-first into BNHA and haven’t looked back since :’) but it does need an overhaul; especially at the beginning. I just dread…. going back and doing it, lmao, because idk where to start with it. but i do need to do something with it, since i did love this idea, once, and believed in it pretty whole-heartedly!!! but also: My Hero Academia 😩 Bakugou. 😔 Bakugou, my beloved.

[obeyme-kaidii]

Lesson 43 Summary

Solomon gives everyone food poisoning, and MC spends the day with Mammon.

**SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT**

Mammon comes downstairs for breakfast, complaining about how bright it is outside. As he talks to MC, he realizes that no one else has gotten up yet nor have they prepared any food. He and MC decide to go check on his brothers and see why they are still asleep. 

Lucifer is the first one they check on, and they are shocked to find that he is still asleep. Lucifer explains that in the middle of the night he suddenly recalled Solomon’s cooking, and just the memory of it made him extremely ill. Next, Mammon and MC check on Satan, and he passes out in the middle of his complaints regarding Solomon’s cooking. They then head to Beel and Belphie’s room, and Belphie is trying to help Beel who is feeling so sick he doesn’t even want to eat anything. Both decide it’s best to just go back to sleep.

Afterwards, Mammon and MC check on Levi, but he doesn’t even answer them, so they assume he’s still passed out as well. And finally they check on Asmo, who claims to have drunk a “bottle of water” Mammon had brought him from the fridge that he thinks may have actually been something that Solomon prepared. He quickly falls back to sleep as well, upset that he is going to miss the opening of the new Cafe he had heard about.

Mammon and MC are then talking in the halls, and realize they are the only two who haven’t been made ill. They decide that since the refrigerator has clearly been contaminated by things Solomon may have made, that it’s best to just clear it all out and buy new food, as well as some antacids in the hopes they will help with everyone’s stomach pains. 

The first place Mammon and MC stop by is “The Angel’s Halo”. They notice that the cafe is still closed, so MC is given the option of making it into a date with Mammon later. Mammon gets very excited about the idea of having a date with MC where he’s not running errands for Lucifer and comments that perhaps he should even thank Solomon. 

Mammon explains to MC how in the past, his brothers always take things to extremes when they get sick, but he hopes it won’t come to that since they are in the human world and limited by what they can do. He then pulls out Lucifer’s credit card and announces that it’s what he’s going to use to pay for all the food and medicine he plans on picking up today. He also admits that he may pick up a few things for himself as well while he’s at it.

Mammon finds a nearby deli, and the pair stand in line for food. While waiting, Mammon explains to MC that he’s actually pretty at home in the human world and has a lot of experience coming up there since the witches are always calling him. 

He then goes on to explain that he can’t say no to the witches. His explanation is rather vague, and he mentions that they helped with some of his debts, among other things. (Assuming this is a reference to the story told in his The Guardian Demon Devilgram) He then goes on to say that he likes the human realm, and if MC were to ask, he’d stay with them there forever (instead of returning to the Devildom). 

MC and Mammon then overhear some customers talking about The Angel’s Halo and how there is a rumor regarding their coffee. It’s said that if you drink their coffee, the person you’re in love with will fall madly in love with you. This catches Mammon’s interest, and he tries to play it cool and tell MC that he’d rather check out the cafe like they had planned instead of just eating at the deli.

As they walk to the cafe, Mammon insists that it’s not because of the coffee. MC is given the option to say that they’d wish he’d fall in love with them instead, and he admits that he is already madly in love with them so it wouldn’t be possible. 

Just then, Mammon bumps into someone - and is surprised to find that it’s Luke. Luke is very excited to see MC, and basically ignores Mammon, which only irritates him. Luke explains that Simeon should have contacted MC already, but that they have both been busy “getting ready” for the “grand opening.” He then leads them to The Angel’s Halo cafe, where Simeon is. 

Simeon then explains that the cafe is his, and claims that Michael has appointed him and Luke as ambassadors, in a sense, to “coordinate relations between the human world and Celestial Realm.” The cafe is intended to allow them to blend in and interact with the humans so that no one suspects them.

Simeon goes to prepare some food for Mammon and MC, and MC takes the time to explain to Luke about everything that has happened so far in Lessons 41 and 42. Simeon returns and both he and Luke get a good laugh about the fact that MC was hired as a “BABYsitter” for the brothers. Mammon then asks Simeon if he could have a cup of the coffee everyone is talking about.

Mammon explains to Simeon the rumor he heard about the coffee, and this bothers Simeon since he thinks it’s dishonest to draw in customers by such superstitions (but forcing the brothers to be angels was totes ok 👌🏻). When Mammon asks how such a rumor could have gotten started, Simeon guesses that it must have had to do with a stranger he offered a free cup of coffee to one day before they officially opened.

Simeon then explains that he didn’t do anything special and didn’t use his “angel powers” to help the customer. He also explains that he doesn’t have the ability to make humans fall in love (implying that other angels may). 

Luke explains that angels are born with their own powers, and all of them are a bit different just like how humans are good at different things. He also shares that angels are assigned a rank based on how good they are at what they can do. Simeon is an archangel, which is essentially a warrior (so I’m assuming his powers are related to that?). Mammon teases Luke about his rank, and Luke explains that he hasn’t been assigned one yet because he’s still too young and is still trying to find out what he’s good at. 

Mammon encourages Luke to “try hard” and “go for the top” so that one day he could become a seraph. Luke is embarrassed by Mammon’s teasing, saying that he’s just making fun of him, and insists that he actually wants to be a principality, which Mammon finds even more amusing. 

Simeon then changes the subject back to the rumor about the coffee, and explains that he really does want to do something about it, fearing that it might also blow their cover. MC is given the option of suggesting that Mammon help fix it, which he initially objects to (saying we can’t order him around lol, ok sweetie). MC is also allowed to beg Mammon to help, and he quickly caves and agrees to help. Simeon gets a chuckle out of watching Mammon’s interaction with MC, and Luke thinks it’s so gross. 😂

Luke suggests that perhaps the best method of squashing the rumor is to start another, but Simeon is unsure if that would really be effective since there is no guarantee that the new rumor will spread. Mammon makes a comment about how if a couple had gotten into a fight over the coffee then it wouldn’t be so hard to deal with - which gives Simeon the idea of staging a dramatic breakup fight in front of other customers. 

Simeon and Luke then suggest that MC and Mammon help them out by playing the pretend fighting couple. Mammon is strongly opposed to this idea, saying he doesn’t want to get into a fight with MC even if it is just pretend. 🥺 After some back and forth with MC, and a bit of jealousy about the idea of MC doing it with anyone else, Mammon finally agrees that he’d rather just do it himself. 

Simeon then explains that it would be best if they did a practice run first, just to get a feel for things since they don’t want it to be too scripted and rehearsed. MC starts off the pretend fight with Mammon, who is initially a bit uncomfortable and uncertain if MC is actually acting. He then gets into it, and starts listing off his complaints about MC - basically all revolving around how MC spends time with, and is affectionate to, his brothers. 

Watching from the sidelines, Simeon finds it very entertaining, but Luke is starting to grow concerned that Mammon might not actually be acting. 

Mammon then finishes up by saying that he can’t take it anymore and wants to breakup. He struggles to maintain his composure and stay “in character”, and he finally breaks down and loudly declares his love for MC and reassures them that he didn’t mean it and would never want to break up with them. 🥺🥺🥺

Simeon of course is not impressed with Mammon’s inability to fake a breakup and calls him useless. 😠

Meanwhile, back at the house (I totally forgot the name, whoops), Lucifer is seen in the kitchen where he encounters Beel. Beel is feeling a bit better after having eaten again, but Lucifer and Asmo are still unwell and Levi is still not answering his door. 

Beel mentions that Satan is actually in the library. Beel explains that it looked like he was searching desperately for a book, which Lucifer thinks is very odd considering how they are all feeling. He decides to head over there to check on Satan, suspicious of what he could be up to. 

In the library, Satan is trying to find a spell book that contains a curse for transferring one’s physical pain to someone they hate. Lucifer overhears his plans, and threatens Satan with consequences. And Satan counters that since he’s a demon he now has to do it, simply because Lucifer told him not to. 

Later, Satan joins Beel in the living room and he’s feeling much better. Satan suggests that they both head to the cafe together. Beel agrees, and then tells Satan not to pick on Lucifer so much. Satan points out that despite being a demon Beel still cares a great deal about his family, and Beel counters that Satan is the same way even if he won’t admit to it.

Back at the cafe, Mammon and MC are now helping Simeon and Luke out. The grand opening has them extremely busy, and since they weren’t able to stage the fake breakup, they are being put to work waiting tables and manning the register. 

Satan and Beel then enter the cafe, and are surprised to find Luke and Simeon there (as well as MC and Mammon). They explain that they are both feeling better, and Simeon informs them that now that they are, he’s not going to let them get away and insists they help out too. 

Beel is put on dishwashing duty, and is crying about how hungry he is. Mammon is mildly annoyed at how well Satan is blending in, and then turns to MC and asks if they want to sneak away since Satan and Beel are helping and things have slowed down a bit. MC forces him to stay though (which is totally lame, I wanted to sneak away with him. 🤷🏻‍♀️).

That evening, everyone has returned home and they are all exhausted. Beel is all smiles now because he enjoyed the sandwiches that Simeon had given them as thanks. 

Satan remarks that he was surprised to find Simeon and Luke in the human realm. Mammon explains how they mentioned that Michael had ordered them here, which Satan thinks is really strange. He states that that’s the sort of job for “dominions” - not angels like Luke and Simeon. He theorizes that Michael might actually have something else planned.

MC then asks about Michael. Mammon says he thinks he’s like a demon masquerading as an angel, and that when they were still angels, he often cruelly punished Mammon. He also goes on to say that Michael is a lot like Lucifer. Satan says that while the two didn’t look similar - describing them as polar opposites - they actually behaved a lot like twins. Mammon also explains that he was obsessed with Lucifer, and Satan shares that he thinks it's because Lucifer was someone who Michael idolized and wished he could be more like. 

Then, Beel comments that he feels rain, but they are all inside. When they look up, they realize that it’s not rain they are feeling, but a water leak in the ceiling - coming from Asmo’s bathroom.

Favorite Scenes -

A date with Mammon

Newlyweds

Mammon and the butcher

Mammon’s domestic dream

Where Mammon wants to stay

The coffee rumor

Falling madly in love

Simeon’s cafe

Angels and their powers

Asking Mammon for help

Fake breakup scene 1

Fake breakup scene 2

Fake breakup scene 3 (aka Mammon’s true feelings)

Simeon’s smile

Satan’s suspicions

About Michael