#there is probably an essay here but I should be asleep already

[auncyen]

something something yaldabaoth looking at previous wild cards (ESPECIALLY minato) and then akiren and is like "igor you're proving my point humanity just wants someone to fix things for them. I am the ultimate endpoint, skip the wildcards"

telling akiren that he is supposed to use his confidants and seeing akiren instead go above and beyond for many of them and is just like "you would make a good cup. what a good grail. but don't you just want to smite them all instead"

[bookshelf-dust]

kiss it better

steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: 3,176

warnings: swearing, sick fic (sorta), steve not taking care of himself, anxiety, stress, mental breakdown?, best friends to lovers deal (let me know if i missed something)

a/n: hi! it’s been awhile. i’m sorry about that. this has been a very slow process for me. my mental health is shit, and that’s probably obvious. i hope it hasn’t seeped into this too much, but it probably will with the next few things i write. i apologize for taking so long to post, for disappearing, for not really making this the blog it once was. but i’m not the same person i was then. so we’ll see where this goes. i hope you enjoy this one a little. i love you.

————

The shrill sound of a phone ringing scares you awake, eyes flying open, heart pounding so aggressively you fear for a split second that it might burst. 

You sit up quickly, enough so that you make yourself dizzy trying to get your bearings. You roll onto your side, and reach blindly across the edge of your nightstand, grabbing for the green plastic that’s shaking with the force of which it’s ringing. 

You almost fall out of bed, just managing to catch yourself as you bring the phone to your ear. 

“Hello?”

Your voice comes out weak, thick with sleep and the longing for more rest. It startles you and makes you clear your throat. 

“Hey, it’s me.”

The voice on the other line is even weaker than your own. It’s quiet.

“Steve?”

Your eyes find the alarm clock on your dresser, bright red letters telling you it’s just after one in the morning. You might be half-asleep, but you’re conscious enough that your heart rate picks up, registering that this isn’t when your best friend normally calls. 

You hear him breathe, along with some shuffling. He’s nodding his head, but realizes you can’t see. 

“Yeah. Listen,” he drags a shaking hand down his face. “I’m sorry to call so late.”

“Hey, it’s okay. What’s the matter? Is something wrong?”

He goes quiet for a moment, but you wait patiently for him to continue. He must be trying to get something out, and you don’t want to pressure him, or cause him stress in any way. 

Steve huffs, frustrated with himself. 

“I-I’ve got an insane headache, and we’re out of goddamn medicine. My parents were here, and my mom was hungover and I guess she must’ve emptied us out, but it hurts too bad to drive, and…” He trails off, breathing heavily. 

His pause lends you a moment to process, and you decide to speak up. If his head is killing him, you know finding the energy to speak to you, let alone call, has to be draining. You wouldn’t want him to suffer anymore than he already is. 

“Stevie?” you start, happy to hear a small hum that encourages you to go on. He registers what you’ve called him, something you don’t call him often, and his chest aches. “I’ve got some I can bring you. I think all the drugstores nearby are closed.” 

You swing your legs out from under the covers, pushing yourself off the mattress. Pressing the phone between your cheek and shoulder, you pull on the pair of sweats slung over the end of your bed, trying not to bust your ass as you hop into them. 

“Is anything else hurting you?” you ask, gently as can be. 

“Honestly?” he responds. “I think I’m sick. I can’t be sick, can I?”

You stand upright once again, taking the phone firmly in your hand. 

“I think even King Steve can get sick from time to time. I’ll be there soon, okay?”

————

Steve’s not sure you understand him. He can’t be sick. He’s got shit to do. He has a shift tomorrow, and he’s pretty sure Dustin needs a ride one day this week because Claudia is on a “girls trip.” He has to keep working on his college essay, because he’d told you he was almost done, but really he isn’t. 

Steve doesn’t have the time to be sick. And he can’t have you ruining your own schedule to come and babysit him. He’s supposed to be the babysitter. Not the charge. 

He should be able to take care of himself, but of course, the one time his parents come home they clean out his mediocre supply of medicine. Something he’s always stocked up on, given his tendency to get the shit beat out of him, or the nasty string of tension headaches that just won’t quit. 

And his head is killing him. He has his palms pressed to his temples, trying (and failing) to dull the ache. There aren’t any lights on in the kitchen, where he’s sitting on the floor, back pressed to the cabinets. 

He’s trying not to move too much either, because he’s dizzy. This probably has to do with the fact that he skipped dinner, feeling too nauseous to eat. Now that Steve is hungry, he fears he won’t be able to get up and fix anything. 

Maybe you’ll be able to help, he thinks. But that voice is quick with a counter argument. No. I need to do it. 

He perks up at the sound of the front door opening. “Steve?” you call out, careful not to slam the door or yell too loud. It’s also why you hadn’t rung the doorbell. 

Steve raps his knuckles softly against the countertop, hoping it’ll be enough to clue you in. He can’t bring himself to shout right now. You follow the sound, taking the few steps toward the kitchen. 

When your eyes lock on his figure, see the way the heels of his hands press into his eyes, you realize how young he looks. He almost looks small, legs pulled up to his chest, big, lanky body compacted as much as possible. He looks vulnerable. You’re sure he hates that. 

“Hi, Steve,” you say, keeping your voice low. 

He looks up at you, and his face splits into a sweet grin. He’s happy that you’re here, even if that voice is screaming at him, wanting to punish him for asking for help. 

“Hey, honey.” You smile back at him, and his heart rate picks up. Sometimes he forgets how beautiful you are, and then you’re standing in front of him, snatching every last breath from his lungs. 

You set your bag down beside him and reach out, brushing his hair back from his forehead. He feels a little warm, but not feverishly so. 

You move away from him, grabbing a cup from the drying rack. You fill it up with water and crouch at his side. Steve takes the glass from you, head resting against the cabinet to watch as you grab him some medicine. You hand him a few pills, and he takes them quickly. If he doesn’t get this headache calmed down soon, he thinks he might just die. 

Steve keeps drinking the water you gave him, and you push his hair back again, watching the way it curls around his ears. 

He drinks about half of the water before he pauses, taking a deep breath. He looks at you then. It’s mostly dark in the kitchen, but the lamp on the table by the front door is on, so you’re a little backlit from it. Not to mention the moonlight seeping in from the window above the sink.

You look gorgeous. And you came over to take care of him. You got up, at one in the morning, and drove to his house, just because he asked you to. Hell, he hadn’t even asked. He hadn’t gotten the words out. But you’d known. You’d known exactly what he was trying to ask, and you’d offered your help with no qualms. 

Steve’s nose starts to sting, and that pressure from behind his eyes—it starts to release. Before he knows it, his vision is getting cloudy, and he’s crying. He can’t be crying, can he? 

You carefully remove the glass from his hand and move in between his spread knees. 

“Steve, it’s okay. I’m here, and I’m gonna take top notch care of you.” 

“I know you are,” he says, voice breaking. “But I should be able to do it myself. I always do it myself.” He presses his hands against his face, but you catch his wrists and gently pull them away. 

You hold your arms out, and Steve practically falls into you. He buries his face in your neck. He can feel the warmth of your skin, the cotton of your sleep shirt. You smell like soap, that fancy conditioner you use. 

One of your hands finds the base of his neck, nails scratching gently over his scalp, thumb dragging over the top of his spine. Your other rubs soothingly up and down his back. 

“But the thing is, Stevie, you don’t have to.” 

He’s not a loud crier. But he is sort of panicky, breaths coming quick and short, chest heaving against your own. “I know you’ve always had to do a lot by yourself, but you can ask for help, and you don’t have to punish yourself for it, either.”

You feel him nod against your collarbone. His hands are fisting the back of your shirt. Eventually, he pulls away, but keeps his eyes closed. He tries to keep his head turned from your gaze. 

“Hey. Look at me.”

He does, albeit reluctantly. Steve’s cheeks are flushed, lashes clumped together and lips parted where he tries to suck in a good deep breath. 

You reach up, fingers gently sweeping away the remainder of the tears on his face. He leans into your touch, and you let him. You lean forward and press a sweet kiss to his forehead. You’ve never done that before.

Steve recognizes that you’ve never done it before, even if it’s sort of fuzzy. Sure, he’s kissed the back of your hand and you’ve reciprocated, but he’s usually the one to initiate physical affection. You’re too shy most often, even if you ache to do it. 

Fuck, he wishes he were a little more coherent right now. 

“Can you stand for me? It’s late, and I think you need to rest.”

He runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah, sure.” Now that he’s thinking about it, getting in bed sounds so nice. 

You stand first, and watch as Steve pushes off the floor, gripping the countertop on the way up to steady himself. 

“Come on. The stairs are gonna be a pain.”

He reaches out for you, and you let him take your arm. He pads out to the staircase, and you watch each precarious step he takes, hoping he won’t get too woozy and trip. 

By the time he finally makes it up there, he’s wrapped both arms around your waist and buried his face between your shoulder blades. You soften beneath his hold. 

You walk slowly towards his bedroom, and he waddles behind you. You push the door open. “M’kay, Steve. Wanna change clothes and hop into bed?” 

He pulls off of you and grabs hold of his dresser. “I’m not givin’ you a free show.”

You snort. “I’ll go get some more water and be right back.”

His grin fades. “Please be fast.” He doesn’t want you to go. He doesn’t want you to leave him. 

“Steve, I’m practically The Flash.”

He laughs, pulling a pair of sweats and a t-shirt out of the drawer. Usually he’d sleep in less, but with you here he feels he should keep his modesty.

When you return, he takes the water from you, drinking it faster than he probably should. Steve feels like he’s had the shit beat out of him, and for once—he hasn’t. 

You’d sat down on the edge of the bed, not noticing the way he’s staring at you. You look up when he sets the glass down. He drags both hands down his face. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask.

He exhales. “I want you to stay here with me, but I don’t want you to get sick. The idea of you being on the couch, which is like, miles away, is driving me insane.”

“Steve?”

“Huh?”

“Can’t I just sleep on the futon?”

His eyes move towards the other side of his room where said piece of furniture is pressed against the wall. He’d bought it when group sleepovers became a thing after all they’d dealt with. Jesus, his brain really isn’t working. 

“Oh. Yeah, honey. Just don’t want you to go far.” 

You lean forward and push his hair back from his forehead. You’ll need to remember to take his temperature come morning.

“I’m not going anywhere, Steve. I promise. Not until you’re all better.”

————

When Steve wakes up, you’re not there. He starts to panic, thinking maybe he’d been too much, maybe he’d shown you a side of himself he shouldn’t have, that maybe you left. 

But you return to his room just as he’s about to start looking for you. There’s a thermometer in your hand. 

“Morning, sleepy boy. Are you coherent enough for me to check your temperature? Or no?”

He yanks the covers off of himself, and his shirt has ridden up. You catch a sliver of tummy before he sits up fully, and you miss it the second it’s gone. 

“Hit me, I can take it.”

You roll your eyes but stick the thermometer under his tongue when he opens his mouth. When you pull it away, you’re happy to see he hasn’t got a fever. He was warm last night when you kissed his forehead, but you’re thinking it was from stress or just overheating. 

“No fever. What’s buggin’ you today, Stevie?”

He flops onto his back, and his shirt rides up again. You mentally slap yourself for being so enamored by it. All your brain can compute is tummy. Steve’s tummy. “My head still, and my stomach. I feel like I haven’t slept in four years.”

His words snap you out of your reverie. “Four years? That’s incredible. When’s the last time you ate something?”

Steve stares at you for a moment, though it looks as if there isn’t a single thought behind his eyes. “Yesterday…morning. I think. Yeah, I had a banana.”

You stare back, rather appalled at his statement. “Steve.”

“Hm?”

“All you’ve had to eat in the past twenty four hours is a banana?”

“Yep.”

“Jesus christ. Get your ass up and come with me.”

Steve doesn’t move. Rather he watches you move, right out the door and towards the top of the stairs. You pause and turn around, crossing your arms. 

He huffs. And then he slides down the side of the bed like a child before crawling up and following you to the kitchen. 

Over the course of the next few hours, you manage to get Steve to eat, shower, and go for a short walk, weather permitting and all. He’s looking astronomically better than he did last night. 

Steve sits opposite you on the couch, his socked feet in your lap. “What do you think my deal is?”

You rub your hand over his calf. “I think you just had a little bug. Or maybe you let yourself get too stressed out and your body couldn’t take it.”

He blinks. “Is that…that's not a thing? Is it?”

“When’s the last time you gave yourself a fuckin’ break, Steve? When you just took a day for yourself rather than worrying about who needs to go where, or if you’ll have to cover a shift? You have to take care of yourself, or this is the kind of shit that happens.”

“Being overwhelmed about your parents, not eating, worrying about that application, all of that is fucking with you. That headache was probably a stress headache. They’re killer. I want you to be healthy and comfortable, Steve.”

You exhale, and close your eyes. When you open them, Steve has sat up, scooting towards you on your end of the couch. 

He might still be tired, but he can’t believe this. He can’t believe you. No one has ever worried for him in this way. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you ask. 

He barely even registers your words, too busy memorizing every line on your face. You look so fucking beautiful. It almost makes him angry. 

“I’m thinkin’ about how bad I want to kiss you.”

Your face starts to burn. You shove his shoulder. He looks at the place where you’d pushed, quirking a brow, but grinning nonetheless.

“What?”

“Steve, you can’t say shit like that.”

“How come?”

“Because we’re friends.”

“Best friends.”

“Well yeah, but best friends don’t say that to one another.”

His grin widens. He looks more awake than he has this entire time. 

“Oh, but you haven’t said it.”

You blink. “Huh?”

Steve gets his voice up that little bit higher, doing a cheap imitation of you. “‘Best friends don’t say that to one another.’ Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but that implies you want a kiss too, doesn’t it?”

You drag your hands down your face and flop back against the arm of the couch. 

“So you gonna say it, or what?” He’s shifted, and you can feel him hovering over you, but you refuse to move your hands. 

“Of course I’m thinking about kissing you, Steve.” You suck in a breath and open your eyes, locking with his own. “But you’ve got cooties.”

Steve rolls his eyes before he backs up and yanks on your ankle so that you’re flat against the couch. 

“You did not just lecture me about self-care just to tell me I have cooties. I didn’t even have a fever.” 

“I didn’t even have a fever,” you mock, lowering your voice in what is quite possibly the worst impression of him you could do.

He’s quick about it. Almost stealthy, not that you’d ever boost his ego by telling him so. But his fingers are reaching for your sides, the tips dancing over your shirt, that tiny sliver of hip showing where it’s ridden up. 

Steve is practically drunk off of your laugh. It’s the sweetest sound he’s ever heard, and when he goes for your neck, when you tilt your head and trap his fingers between your cheek and shoulder, he thinks he could die. 

You and your laugh. The fact that you drove over at one in the fucking morning, without even thinking about it, just because you care. That you stayed the night, listened to his pitiful thoughts, took care of him…it’s too much. 

Never in his life did he think he’d find someone like you. Someone who makes him feel like he matters. You’d made him realize how smart he is, how capable. That he could do things for himself and not just to please his dickhead father. 

You have made him whole. 

He lets up when you start breathing extra heavily, only to tickle the underside of your foot before he quits, just to piss you off. You kick him in the side. 

“I think a kiss from my very favorite person might be the best form of self-care there is, honey.”

You sit up. “Wow. King Steve really never died.” He raises his hands like he might tickle you again, but you catch them before he can do any damage. “Okay, sorry!” 

Before he can register it, you’ve leaned in and pressed your lips to his. When he does realize, he lets out a surprised hum, and you can feel that smartass smirk forming on his face. 

When you pull away, he whines. 

“All better?”

Steve falls back against the couch, pulling you with him just to get that laugh out of you again. 

“I’m healed.”

————

please let me know if you liked this! feedback is always appreciated!! comments and reblogs mean more than you know. <33

[vivwritesfics]

Going to be a little self indulgent but how about Lestappen or Charlando and reader is so overworked and exhausted from studying. But she’s worn herself down so bad while the boys were gone they come back to her like that! Hope this is okay, I haven’t requested something in so long 🥺🩵💙🩵

Grief makes me write apparently

"Yes Max, I promise I'll sleep," Y/N said into the phone as she held it between her head and her shoulder. "I'll just stay up long enough to watch the first corner."

"Mijn liefje, no. You've got a test tomorrow; you need sleep," Max said as he sat in his drivers room, using the last piece of privacy he had before the race. "Promise me you'll prioritise sleep over us."

Actually, Y/N's test was that day. Her test was in six hours, actually, and she hadn't yet gotten any sleep. She'd been either calling her boyfriends while he could or watching videos of them online. Y/N had tried to sleep. And if she wasn't sleeping, she was trying to study, but even that was proving fruitless.

"Okay, Maxie, I'll try," she muttered and wished him good luck for the race. They said goodbye and around a thousand 'I love you's' before Y/N hung up.

She scrolled down to the next name on her contact list.

Lightning Mclerc 🏎💖

Y/N swiped her finger across the screen and pressed the phone against her ear.

There was a good minute before Charles picked up the phone. "Chérie!" Charles cheered as he answered the phone. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

Y/N let out something of a sigh as she leaned back in her desk chair. "I've already done this with Max," she mumbled.

"So you should be sleeping."

"I just wanted to wish you good luck before the race."

"Aw," she heard Charles say down the phone. "Thank you, mon amour. Good luck with your test tomorrow."

She thanked him quickly. "Charlie," she began, dragging out the eeeee. "When are you guys coming home?"

"Soon, baby. As soon as the race is over, Max and I will come home to you."

"Thank you, Charlie. I miss you guys so much."

"I miss you too, Chérie."

After making her promise to try and get some sleep, Y/N hung up the phone. But she couldn't sleep. She had the build up to the race on in the background as she tried to study for her test and complete her essay. It wasn't going to tell.

Within half an hour Y/N was asleep, drooling on her notes.

She woke just a few hours later to her phone, blaring in her ear. She woke with a start, almost falling out of her chair. "Holy shit," she mumbled, wiping the drool from her face. Her notes were a mess, the ink smudged to the point of being unreadable. "Fuck, shit, fuck," she mumbled as she tried to sort through them.

Y/N made her way out to her test. She wasn't prepared, not in the slightest. The boys had probably just finished her race by the time she was heading out towards her campus.

Throughout the entire test, Y/N was sweating. Her hands were shaking as she wrote, but she got through it. She answered every question with little confidence, but the questions were answered, at least.

After the test, Y/N didn't speak to anybody. She walked out of her exam and made her way straight home, straight into her bed, trying her best to sleep.

She couldn't sleep. No. The test may have been over, but Y/n couldn't stop thinking about it. She couldn't go back, couldn't change her answers now, but she was still stressed about it.

Suddenly, the door to her apartment opened. Y/N jumped out of her bed, dressed in Charles' old Ferrari shirt, and made her way to the door.

There they were. Her boys. Tired and exhausted after the first ever race in Vegas, but they were there. They could have gone home to Monaco, but they'd gone to Y/N's instead.

"Oh my god," she muttered as she walked into their awaiting arms. "You're here. You're actually here." Her face was buried in Charles' chest as Max wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

"We missed you too, Schat. So, so much," he said, pressing a kiss to her neck.

"How was your test, Chérie?" Asked Charles as Max took their things into the bedroom.

Y/N didn't answer. She kept her face buried in Charles' chest as he walked her further into the apartment. Not good, that much he could pick up on. The test hadn't gone well at all.

When Charles released her, Max grabbed her shoulders and turned her towards him. "You look so tired, schat. Have you been sleeping?"

She nodded her head. Maybe it wasn't enough sleep, but it was still sleep. "But you guys must be tired, too," she said, leaning against them.

The boys settled on the sofa as Y/N ran to grab her laptop. "What're you doing?" Charles asked as she settled down between them.

"Uni work," she answered quickly as she opened the lid.

Before she could type in her passcode, Max pushed the laptop shut. "No, baby. You've just had a test. You can relax, now," he said as he placed her laptop down.

Reluctantly, Y/N accepted it. She cuddled up to her boys as the three of them watched television. If they weren't going to let her burnout, so be it (actually no, she was very grateful that they were forcing her to take a break. Y/N never would have done it on her own.).

[wosostories]

Workload (Gotham FC x Teen!Reader)

Gotham x Teen!Reader

Summary: 16 year old reader has signed with Gotham FC and is struggling to find balance between school and sport with finals and the NWSL Championship both quickly approaching.

You sigh as you close your laptop for the night, you mean morning. It was just after 2:00 when you finished your history essay, calc assignment, and studying for your chemistry test the next day. Plus on top of that, starting to find all of your materials for your upcoming exams. 

It’s not even that you were pushing it all off to the last minute. It’s just the course work that you get every night is impossible to get done that night on top of the training you have with Gotham FC and your ADHD. 

You would put off doing your school work to get more sleep if you could, but your school has told you multiple times that they would revoke your work permit if you didn’t keep your grades up and get all of your assignments in on time. 

You sigh again and finally head to bed to hopefully get a couple hours before morning lift. Your alarm goes off two and a half hours later and you drag yourself out of bed. It takes you half an hour to get ready and have your things together before Lynn picks you up for training. 

When you get in the car Kristi and Lynn are already pumped up and jamming to Lynn’s playlist. You let them continue on as you tuck yourself in the back seat and try not to fall back asleep. 

“You ok kid?” Lynn asks you turing the music down. “You look a little tired.”

“Ya, just didn’t get very much sleep last night. Had a lot of homework to get done after practice.” 

“You’ve been saying that a lot recently,” Krisite pipes in, “You sure you’re getting enough rest.”

“Ya it’s just that time of year. We're coming up on exams and the NWSL Championship.” 

“You can talk to coach. I'm sure he’d understand if you needed to miss a few practices.” They tried convincing you. 

“No, it's fine. Nothing I haven’t handled before.” You all arrive at the training facility just in time to get into the lifting room. 

“Alright let's get started.” They start with stretching and then pair up to go through their specialized lifting workout for the day. You end up with Jenna Nightswonger due to your similar workout needs. 

“Are you ok Y/N. You’ve been yawning for the last 30 minutes. Which has been the entire time we’ve been here.” 

“I’m fine. Just up a little later than I probably should have been getting my homework done.”

“If you’re sure.”

They finish the lift session another 30 minutes later and you leave the rest of your team to get to school on time. You are able to make your way through the day with a quick nap during lunch and eating while working on your revions during study hall. And as soon as the bell lets you out you are back on your way to the training facility for afternoon practice. 

Your movements are slow and sluggish throughout practice as you try to keep up with the quick movements of your teammates. During all of your breaks you have an assignment out and are slowly making your way through them. 

“Hey Y/N, come here for a second.” Ali calls you over with about 45 minutes left of practice. 

“Ya hold on just one sec.” You call back as you finish up the last math problem on the worksheet. As soon as you are done you jog over to the older player. “Ya what’s up?” 

“We're all just a little worried about you. You seem a little out of it today.”

“I’m fine,” you sigh out a little frustrated. “Will everyone stop asking me that?”

“Hey now, there’s no need for that. We're just trying to help.” You sigh again. 

“I know. It’s all just a lot. I think that it might be getting to me a little.”

“That’s ok. When's the last time you got a full night of sleep?” You look down knowing that you will answer if you look at her. “Alright grab your stuff.”

“W-what?”

“Grab your things, I’m going to take you home. Then you’re going to finish anything due tomorrow then go to sleep. And you aren’t going to be coming to practice tomorrow.”

“But the championships are…”

“Not starting until next week. There is still plenty of time. But if you get hurt then it won't matter.” 

You sigh. Ali leads you over to your things and you start packing them up as Ali goes to talk to coach. She comes back over with the ok from coach. “And he said if you show up to practice at any point tomorrow he will bench you for the first game of the tournament.”

You nod, “I won’t come tomorrow. I’ll get my work done and get a good night’s rest.” 

“Good and next time it gets too much, just let us know. You’re still just a kid. It’s our job to help you so let us.”

“I will.”

“Good.”

[ineffable-suffering]

The Jane Austen Ball and why it was never about Nina and Maggie

Otherwise known as (*takes a deep breath*): A completely inflated close-up look at various dialogues and events of Season 2 that prove that the Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeeper's Association Meeting Cotillion Ball was supposed to be Aziraphale's confession to Crowley

Look, the point's been made before but that's never kept me from making it myself again, still. In fact, even I made it before, at the end of one of my other metas. But I feel like it's absolutely worthy enough to get its own soppy, way-too-long post. And I do love it so very much to write ridiculously long essays on something that could easily be condensed into a short paragraph.

So, here we go! Snuggle up, get cozy, settle in and, most importantly:

(Word count: 3.177 | Reading time: ~13 minutes)

As I already said above, I laid out a similar case in my meta about why Aziraphale is somewhat of an unreliable narrator. I'll try and recycle it here briefly, so I can further make my point.

When Aziraphale arrives back in London from his Edinburgh journey, he seems oddly happy and giddy for the fact that he just had a rather odd and threatening encounter with Shax. I explain in my other meta that this is because he just spent the last hours of his drive reminiscing on the thrilling and romantic magic show adventure of 1941 and also the fact that he just found out that Crowley has been replaced by Shax and no longer works for Hell.

Ergo: We have a hopelessly lovesick Principality at our hands, who's practically swooning over his serpent who saved him, his books and his magic show all those years ago.

Ergo:

✨This✨

Realistically, Aziraphale should probably be a tad worried about the eery encounter with Shax, in which she definitely had the upper hand on him. But well, if you spend many-a hours driving across the serene countryside (Edinburgh is about an 8-hour drive from London), pondering on one of the craziest, sticky-sweet romantic adventures of your not-life life, well ... things tend to turn a little rosy around the edges. Head in the clouds and all that. Light shades of grey!

Alright, onwards: Once the angel, filled to the very brim with fond memories and butterflies, gets out of the Bentley, he's kindly met with a face full of verdant plants and a very in-character-grumpy Crowley.

Fhwack! Way to burst the rosy bubble.

Seriously, the absolute lightning speed with which Crowley storms out to vacate the bookshop the very second Aziraphale arrives makes me giggle every time.

Let's make a first small (who am I kidding) diversion into analysing the following conversation in unnecessary detail ...

... simply because I enjoy quoting dialogue as an accurate reference in my metas. I'll also highlight certain passages I want to comment on in individual colours so I can back up my thoughts with them below. Alright, their little chinwag goes as follows:

Crowley: "They you are! I was worried something might have happened to you." Aziraphale: "No, nothing happened to me. Very uneventful journey indeed. No strange things at all." Crowley: "Good. That's what we wanna hear." Aziraphale: "Um .. everything okay with- ah.." *nods to the bookshop* Crowley: "Oh, yeah, fine. He's singing to himself. I think he must have been asleep. I heard snoring coming from his bedroom–" Crowley, to the Bentley: "Did you miss me? I bet you did." Aziraphale: "... I'm sure it did." Crowley: "So, any more clues from the mystery of the missing archangel?" Aziraphale: "Not exactly. Or, if there are, I haven't yet cracked the case. But I'm certainly hot on the trail of something." Crowley: "I'm sure you are. Oh, by the way, the whole sudden rain and awning thing was a complete washout." Aziraphale: "Sorry?" Crowley: "You know, project making Nina fall in love with Maggie. I failed, it's your go." Aziraphale: "I see. Well then, Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeeper's Association Monthly Meeting, here we come!" Crowley: "You're really hosting the meeting?" Aziraphale: "Absolutely! And I can guarantee you, it will be a night to remember."

At first glance, this has little to do with the plot of this meta but actually, it folds into my point very nicely! However, it's not time for that yet, so we'll just state the facts as they are for now and then bring them back 'round later when we need them. That being said: For the love of Someone, will these two ever manage to simply tell each other the truth of what happened instead of thinking they can protect each other by lying about it all the time? Hrmpf. As a big fan of open communication myself, I'm close to developing a stomach ulcer with the amount of false truths being spewed here. (Then again – and yes, that is another, way larger meta I'm currently cooking up – it plays so very perfectly into the whole Jane-Austen-Pride-and-Prejudice tragic miscommunication theme that this entire Season has, so I understand the point of it.)

Very uneventful journey indeed, Aziraphale, except for the fact that you were ambushed by a demon who told you she was Crowley's successor, knows about the rumors of the two of you being an item as well as what went down in 1941 (that almost had both of you exposed) and also seems to have figured out where you and your demon boyfriend are hiding Gabriel, all in the span of about a minute. No strange things at all, nooo!

And Crowley's "Oh yeah, fine" is a total lie too. Again, we see him make an absolute run for it before Aziraphale can even enter the bookshop. After all, he just once again witnessed Jim have a Gabriel-flashback, speaking of the Second Coming, while Crowley was alone with him. As fumingly angry he is with the amnesiac archangel – he's also absolutely terrified of what might happen (to him and Aziraphale) should Jim regain his memories. So, no wonder he's quick to vacate the premises after witnessing Jim's rather eery memory flashback (and was, just like Aziraphale, threatened by Shax mere moments later, lol).

But no, nothing out of the ordinary happened to either of them. Tip-top. Absolutely tickety-fucking-boo.

Alright, let's get back on track with the actual topic of this meta. Certainly hot on the trail of something, hm? At first glance, it might seem like Aziraphale is talking about the fact that Gabriel was in company of someone whenever he went to the Resurrectionist Pub. (The clue!) However, I don't actually think he is talking about that. Why? Because, and this slipped my mind too at first, he never actually follows any of this information up, does he? Yes, sure, he went to Edinburgh, found the capital-c Clue and then returned to London. But what does he do with it? Nothing. He doesn't keep investigating this hot trail because that's not the important thing he realized during his journey. No, the more important clue Aziraphale found during his trip, is that Crowley no longer works for Hell and that he is also very much irrevocably in love with him and must confess this at the earliest given chance. (The latter part isn't necessarily a new discovery for Aziraphale, but it surely is fuelled by the fact that he just realized Crowley's out of a Hellish job and simply hasn't told him yet.)

This exchange just the perfect indicator for the fact that Aziraphale, at no point during his drive back, was thinking about the Maggie and Nina mission. He has no idea what Crowley is talking about once he mentions it and seems surprised, even, that he would. Even though they just talked about it on the phone when Aziraphale was still at the graveyard. Which is another important piece of evidence because it means that the last status update Aziraphale got of Mission Lovebirds, was that Crowley had sensed an opportunity to make them fall in love – and had then hung up on him. Why is this important? Because it means that until that very point of their conversation, Aziraphale did not know that Crowley's attempt had failed! There would have been just as much of a chance of Crowley's weather miracle actually working out and Maggie and Nina already having skipped into the sunset happily ever after.

So, riddle me this:

Why would Aziraphale spend the entire ride back from Edinburgh plotting "a night to remember" (because clearly, he already had the entire Ball planned out down to a T in his head since he goes into action right away after arriving) if he didn't even know yet that Crowley's attempt had failed?

To be very clear here: We're not talking about Aziraphale driving on the M1 to London, having a silly little idea for putting on some good music, miracle-ing Nina and Maggie to dance to it and watch them confess their love–

No.

He planned an entire actual Cotillion Ball with very particular location design that involves re-arranging the entire bookshop, specifically designed individual outfits for (almost) every single attendee, topped off with a live band, hors-d'œuvre, drinks and an actual choreographed group dance.

During one car ride.

Where's the party planner Aziraphale AU? I'm waiting!

Now, sure, we know that it's still quite important for Aziraphale to convince Heaven of the faux-reason they gave for their accidental ✨25-Lazarii miracle✨. But if we're all honest, this all seems to be a tad much just to make two random humans fall in love, even for that.

Glittery ball gowns and suits? Red and gold wall curtains? A modified language filter? Bloody vol-au-vents?

Talk about over the top ...

Once we start S2E5, Crowley is still surprised at the mere fact that Aziraphale is actually planning to organize the Monthly Meeting – and he doesn't even know yet that it's gonna be the most extravagant ball-boogaloo that the Whickber Street Community has ever seen! Aziraphale wanting to organize the meeting alone, is enough to render Crowley incredulous, because Aziraphale never mingles with the other shopkeepers. He usually actively avoids them and any sort of social encounters as much as he can because he doesn't care about the bloody Christmas lights, alright?

These things seem mundane and uninteresting to him, obviously, since all he really cares about is hoarding his book collection in peace like the little hedonist he is and drawing as little attention as possible to his none-business business.

Oh, right, speaking of books:

Let's take another unnecessarily detailed look at the whole Whickber Street invitation scene:

Aziraphale realizes very quickly that he's not the only one who's quite unenthusiastic about the blessed Chritsmas lights. And despite his very persuasive methods of temptation ...

... he has to take some more drastic measurements. And those are?

That's right: Giving away his books.

I'll repeat it again, slowly: Aziraphale is willingly (!) giving away or lending his books to pretty much complete strangers to, allegedly, make two other humans strangers fall in love.

Seriously, who is that angel and what has he done with our prim, fussy, hedonistic Aziraphale that protects his books with the vice grip of an eagle carrying his precious prey?

Believe in the importance of Mission Lovebirds as much as you will, but we're talking about Mr. A.Z. Fell here who, over the past millennia, has pretty much spent every day actively working out methods to stop people from purchasing as much as a single paperback from his holy shelves.

And yet: the 1965 September Dr. Who Annual? Given away. The first edition of Expert at the Card Table that was S. W. Erdnase's personal copy? Lent away to grubby human hands to fondle around with.

Let's do another coloured dialogue diversion (don't worry, it's not as extensive as the last one):

Crowley: "You just did what I think you did?" Aziraphale: "I'm not prepared to talk about it." Crowley: "You gave away a book." Aziraphale: "I had to! Maggie and Nina are depending on me. They just don't know it yet."

Crowley backs up my point: This is a huge deal. Aziraphale does not sell his books – let alone give them away for free. We're all shocked! Flabbergasted!

And the explanation Crowley and us get just ... doesn't satisfy. Something and someone sure is depending on this Ball and doesn't know it yet. But it's most definitely not Maggie and Nina, folks.

You know for whom Aziraphale would give away his books in the blink of an eye, though?

Mhm, that's right.

This pretty old serpent.

I want to take a minute to show you the reaction again that Aziraphale has upon entering the very same magic shop him and Crowley went to in 1941 to acquire the Bullet Catch:

You ... you need a minute there, angel? You're sure looking a little ... affected.

And I mean, well, no wonder. He reminisced about that very memory four hours last night. To him, this shop is where the most turbulent, ecstatic, adrenaline-fuelled and romantic night of his life began. And it shows.

I've made my point in my other meta series about how Aziraphale is an incredibly nostalgic character. He romanticizes so many things in his memories – especially the parts that feature Crowley. So, it doesn't surprise me in the slightest that he's once again willing to loosen the tight grip he has on his book collection to get the successor of Will Goldstone's Magic Shop, the shop that started it all for him, to come to his fancy Ball.

As we watch Aziraphale and his little lap dog demon pat around Soho, I'd like to take another second to point out that he goes to seven or more establishments before he even invites Nina.

... and he only does so because she starts talking to them on the street. Almost like he'd forgotten about it. Why not ask her at the very beginning? To establish whether or not he'd have to book-blackmail her too?

"Perfectly ordinary invitation with no hidden agenda of any kind", except that he's using you and Maggie as a pretence to resolve his own clusterfuck of a relationship-miscommunication Jane-Austen-style so that he can then hopefully confess his undying love to his demon not-boyfriend boyfriend.

Marvellous!

You'll forgive me another short diversion but my God, the whole exchange at the Marguerite's restaurant with Crowley literally cat-call-whistling Aziraphale over to him (and Aziraphale checking if he meant someone else first, I–)? I am weak. So, so weak and

However, this is also when we get a snippet of Crowley finally revealing the truth in place of his "Oh, he's fine"-lie earlier and telling Aziraphale that he's actually pretty scared Jim might turn back into Gabriel and smite him altogether. And Aziraphale's response is, in a cosmic sense, (remember the pink paragraph now) so hilarious:

"Have you thought of just talking to him?"

Yeah, have you? Have any of the two of you? Just thought about talking? To each other? About anything?

'pparently not. But hey, it's all good because remember what the ultimate remedy for star-crossed lovers simply misunderstanding each other is?

Bish, bash, bosh, problem solved!

Back at the ballroom bookshop, Aziraphale sends Crowley to invite Maggie in order to, in my opinion, not spoil the Ball-y surprise for him. (Inviting Maggie only now?! Wouldn't she be one of the only two guests who really should attend? Why the short notice? If she's really that important for the Ball you're planning, hm?)

On top of this, we see Nina almost not attending the Ball meeting after her partner broke up with her and Crowley being the one who coincidentally runs into her and ushers her into the bookshop before Shax and her "legion" of demons start creeping up on them. Again, if this hadn't happened by pure coincidence, Nina would have left to go home and this whole Ball would have taken place without her, rendering the apparent sole purpose of making her fall in love with Maggie useless.

Why doesn't Aziraphale care more for both of them to attend and be there? Why is he instead busy fussing over everything looking perfect and wonderful and doesn't even seem to notice that both Nina and Maggie are really late to the meeting?

Well. Well.

The answer's in the title, babes.

Alas, Crowley safely gets Maggie and Nina to join them, Mr. Brown is the only one who doesn't get a miracled outfit (fussy, petty angel, you just don't like him, do you?), Jimbriel stuns with glamour and flirt (and whatever sexually suggestive thing he does with his cheeks) and the Whickber Street Ball is a-go!

Sorry, I just had to chuck this in again because Crowley's face here absolutely kills me every time. He looks so confused, I am hollering.

And the heart eyes Aziraphale is making at Nina and Maggie now that they're actually here?

Oh, bless it, angel.

He's all like "Oh look, it's working! Jane was right! It's all going to be resolved, all the misunderstanding and quarrels! Crowley, where's Crowley–"

Ah yes, there he is.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is an angel who is not listening to a single word being said right now. No, in his head, Aziraphale is already down on one knee, pouring his heart out to Crowley after they just danced the night away.

Oh, yes, right. The dancing.

Parallel much?

But well, as marvellous and beautifully romantic as her stories tend to be, it turns out that Jane Austen isn't always right after all. Because before we know it, the perfect night shatters into many-a tiny pieces (literally).

And once again, fhwack:

... the rosy bubble bursts.

Let's take one more deep breath so I can make my final point:

In S2E2, Aziraphale explains to us very exactly what Jane's Balls (hrhr) used to be about: Solving miscommunication and confessing love to one another.

During his car journey back from Edinburgh, Aziraphale:

doesn't know Crowley's Mission Lovebirds had failed

remembers 1941 and just how badly he's in love with Crowley

and also realizes that they seem to have been wildly miscommunicating for quite some time now. (Crowley didn't even tell him he basically got let go!)

So, what does maddeningly strong love plus a want to resolve all the miscommunication equal? That's right: A night to remember! A Ball to change it all! A dance, a vol-au-vent, a confession. And, ideally, a happy ever after. Because:

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man angel in possession of a good fortune Jane Austen collection, must be in want of a wife demon husband.”

The Ball was never for Nina and Maggie. As a byproduct, maybe, yes. But the whole rest of the glimmer and glamour, the careful, romantic planning and set up of it all, the book-bating the other shopkeepers– that was for Crowley and Crowley only.

And oh, if only it were as easy as in the books.

*whispers* I'm sorry, I had to.

***

Your honour, the tinfoil-hat crackpot defence rests. Feel free to share thoughts (and prayers) if you want to!

Au revoir! 💗

[pardonmydelays]

TTPD - my final thoughts

so... this album, according to taylor, came from a need to write. now i actually have the need to write this essay. it's an honest opinion, i gave it one last listen & i analysed all the lyrics. this is how i've spent my entire sunday. if you're a sensitive hardcore swiftie, don't even bother to read it. i've already lost a lot of followers because i was being honest lol. this is mostly for my friends, because they actually care about what i think. so i went through hell every song once again & those are my final thoughts (warning: i'm not being very nice & this is super chaotic & messy, but so is the album):

FORTNIGHT

super boring production & i usually love jack... i also can't believe it's the first single from this album? i like the music video tho. the b&w aesthetics are everything. she is kinda trying to sound like lana here, at least this was my first reaction when i heard this song. "i was a functioning alcoholic til nobody noticed my new aesthetic" - what the fuck does that even mean, i hate this line. "all my mornings are mondays stuck in an endless february" - i feel like she is trying to be poetic but this is such a weird line? kinda reminds me of how the first verse of "red" (the song) was a masterpiece, but she kinda got lost in the second verse, it's like trying to write as many metaphors as you can but they are just... not good. sometimes less is more. "i love you, it's ruining my life" - i love the way she sings this line & this line in general. i kinda like post malone in the outro (even tho i don't listen to his music). i don't give a shit about the lyrics to be honest, it's just not doing anything to me, i'm so indifferent (except those few lines i mentioned). overall it's a boring song & a skip for me. i tried to like it but i just... don't.

THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT

i don't hate this song, but i don't love it either. it has good moments. but it also has terrible ones. also, it's too damn long. i don't know. "you left your typewriter at my apartment, straight from the tortured poets department, i think some things i never say, like who uses typewriters anyway?" - i absolutely fucking love those lines, simple words, nothing "big" but i feel like this is what i love the most about taylor's songwriting - when she's not tying to be poetic & she is just writing simple things like that & i kinda love the way it rhymes, can't explain but this beginning is so good!!! "who's gonna hold you" - i love the way she sings this line. "we're modern idiots" - i also love this. "nofuckingbody" - sounds like something i would say so i'll take it. "you smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate, we declared charlie puth should be a bigger artist, i scratch your head, you fall asleep like a tattooed golden retriever." - & here we fucking go... i hate the way it doesn't rhyme? i usually don't mind it when things don't rhyme but somehow it really bothers me here? also this is such a terrible line & it ruins the whole song for me... i like the melody in the bridge tho & i kinda like how she mentioned jack there? i don't know why.

MY BOY ONLY BREAKS HIS FAVOURITE TOYS

i like the chorus? "once i fix me he's gonna miss me" - i know everyone loves that line but i don't??? i don't know, i just don't.

DOWN BAD

i kinda like the production. the melody is so great. "for a moment i knew cosmic love" - i just ADORE the way she sings it. "fuck it if i can't have him, i might just die, it would make no difference" - love it, so relatable. i don't have much to say about it but i like this song in general, it's not amazing, not a masterpiece, but i do like it & i will probably listen to it sometimes. maybe even add it to some of my playlists.

SO LONG, LONDON

beautiful intro, everybody say "thank you, aaron". i didn't love it on my first listen, it grew on me tho, i even love the production on this one now. it has simple lyrics, but it's beautiful. "so long, london, you'll find someone" - so simple & i love it. i love her voice in this song SO MUCH. "& i'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free" - i hate how much i relate. "i'm just mad as hell cause i loved this place... for so long..." - i had a mental breakdown today because of this one line. i can relate. also i think this is the best line in the entire song, at least to me.

BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM

nothing will ever save this song, even my boy aaron dessner. no, actually, the production is not bad, i have so many issues with the lyrics tho... "but daddy i love him! i'm having his baby! no i'm not but you should see your faces!" - i wanna die i wanna pretend i didn't hear it (also it's not only the fact that this line is fucking terrible, but the way she sings "his" - i don't even hear this word? the lyrics says it's there but i can't hear it? & it bothers me so much???). "stay away from her, the saboteurs protested too much" - is this line about us, the fans? the way i fucking laughed, this is embarrassing. (why is this song so long i hate it so much) ok, i hate how much i love the sound of the bridge because the melody is really really good there but the lyrics... "i'll tell you something right now, i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitchin' & moanin', i'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace, i don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing, god save the most judgmental creeps who say they want what's best for me, sanctimoniously performing soliloquies i'll never see, thinking it can change the beat of my heart when he touches me and counteract the chemistry and undo the destiny you ain't gotta pray for me, me & my wild boy & all of this wild joy, if all you want is gray for me, then it's just white noise, & it's just my choice" - i'm sorry but the way i laughed I WANNA KILL MYSELF THIS IS TERRIBLE TERRIBLE I HATE IT SO MUCH SHE LITERALLY DIDN'T SAY THAT... wild boy, THIS IS SO STUPID OH GOD- i need therapy after listening to this song & i'm afraid she also needs therapy because this is just unhinged. i don't wanna talk about this song ever again, in a perfect world it doesn't exist. let's move on.

FRESH OUT THE SLAMMER

kinda nice melody, don't care about the lyrics at all because it's boring. also, why is she talking about marriage again, she is literally so desperate to get married it's almost scary. it feels like she doesn't even care who she's gonna marry, she just wants to get married, period. oh god.

FLORIDA!!!

i love the vibes, the production is FIRE! love love love florence in the second verse! "and my friends all smell like weed or little babies" - i know what she was trying to say, but i still hate this line lol it's so cringey. "well, me & my ghosts, we had a hell of a time" - love love love this line. ok, but to be fair, i don't know what this song is about, but i am vibing. i love it, it's good.

GUILTY AS SIN?

it grew on me, i love the melody, i love the production. i hate to admit it, because we all know what this song is about, but i actually genuinely love the lyrics. "oh, what a way to die" - love this line & the way she sings it. "i keep recalling things we never did, messy top lip kiss, how i long for our trysts, without ever touching his skin, how can i be guilty as sin?" - i hate myself, i love it so much, god help me. "i keep these longings locked in lowercase inside a vault" - as a lowercase girlie i had no choice but to love this line. ok, idc, i love this song, crucify me if you want.

WHO'S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME?

i love the production, i think it's one of the best songs on this album. the way she screams "who's afraid of little old me?" - LOVE THAT. "well you should be" - love that, it's powerful. i love the entire bridge, it's so good, i just don't like the line "you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me", because wtf, is this about her childhood home? come on taylor, please, be serious. i think the way she sings "that i'm fearsome & i'm wretched & i'm wrong" is my favourite part of this song. i genuinely love it.

I CAN FIX HIM (NO REALLY I CAN)

i don't give a single fuck about this song, i just wanted to say the line "i can handle me a dangerous man" is so fucking stupid, now let's move on because i'm bored.

loml

she sounds really good in this one, i love the entire chorus, the way she sings "it's legendary", the way she sings "you told me i'm the love of your life" with sadness in her voice, i love it. somehow "if you know it in one glimpse, it's legendary" makes me think of "sometimes there's no proof, you just know" & i just made myself cry, idk. i hate "mr steal your girl" it sounds so bad in this song. bridge! so fucking sad!!! "it was legendary, it was momentary, it was unnecessary, should've let it stay buried" - i absolutely love this moment, probably my favourite part of the song. "you're the loss of my life" at the end... bro. it should be track 5.

I CAN DO IT WITH A BROKEN HEART

the post chorus, omg i hate the production, it makes me want to kill myself, it sounds so bad, omg. i genuinely wanna die. "lights camera bitch smile" - i hate it. "he said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short, breaking down i hit the floor, all the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting more!" - i love this. i really do. the best part of the song for me. "i cry a lot but i am so productive, it's an art" - honey, no. this album is the best proof that it, in fact, isn't art. "cause i'm miserable & nobody even knows!" - but... we knew? (i can't stand this production for real) the ending, oh dear god i hate it so much, it sounds bad, it's terrible, taylor go to therapy because you're clearly not ok & it shows.

THE SMALLEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED

i don't have any thoughts on this song. it's boring & unnecessary, let's just move on (sorry aaron).

THE ALCHEMY

this is the worst song on the album (me about every song). "this happens once every few lifetimes" - taylor, honey, this happens to you with every single man. stop. get some help. all the football references make me want to kill myself, let's just skip it. it's boring anyway. i can't fucking listen to it. oh no, wait... "he jokes that it's heroin but this time with an E" - ???? even MY jokes are funnier. ok, i'm fucking done.

CLARA BOW

not a bad song but the "you look like taylor swift in this light" is so cringey to me. i hate it. it ruins the whole song for me. the production is really good tho, but i don't know. i'm so indifferent. i'm kinda disappointed with this one tbh.

THE BLACK DOG

it's a beautiful song. "old habits die SCREAMING!!!" - the delivery of this line, yes ma'am. "and i may never open the way i did for you" - i love it so much. also the lyrics in the entire song - so simple & beautiful, i love the storytelling here. the melody in the chorus is amazing. "and i hope it's shitty in the black dog" - yeah, me too. i love this song. it's so good & sad. one of the best from this album.

imgonnagetyouback

olivia rodrigo? hello? boring boring boring, i hate it

THE ALBATROSS

i love the production so much!!! i don't have much to say about the lyrics? i don't love it??? but it's fine i guess. but the production is really interesting, & sometimes that's enough to love the song. maybe it will grow on me. i like it now tho.

CHLOE OR SAM OR SOPHIA OR MARCUS

"if you wanna break my cold, cold heart" - i fucking love the delivery of this line, she sounds really good here & really sad. actually, the chorus is beautiful. "so if i sell my apartment, & you have some kids with an internet starlet, will that make your memory fade from this scarlet maroon?" - hello? maroon reference? ok i love this, i also love the way things rhyme in this part of the song. the lyrics is so simple & beautiful, once again, less is more. it's a great song.

HOW DID IT END?

the "oh-oh" in the intro, LOVE IT. i really love her voice here. "my beloved ghost & me, sitting in a tree, D-Y-I-N-G" - heartbreaking. & thanks for mentioning me in a song. "but i still don't know, how did it end?" - it kinda makes me think about all my relationships (not only with guys but also with my friends) & how sometimes you really don't know how it happened that they are no longer a part of your life. it makes me feel sad. i love the song.

SO HIGH SCHOOL

"touch me while your bros play grand theft auto" - oh my god. this is so bad. it's so bad. i don't like it.

I HATE IT HERE

INSTANT FAVE, SO RELATABLE, THIS IS MY SONG!!! "i hate it here so i will go to secret gardens in my mind people need a key to get to, the only one is mine" - me as fuck. that i can say for sure. "no mid-sized city hopes & small town fears, i'm there most of the year cause i hate it here" - the way i literally realized that this is where i spent my last year, it's almost scary but this song definitely goes to my "when the truth pops out" playlist. i'm gonna pretend the racist line in the second verse doesn't exist. "lunar valleys in my mind" - i fucking love this line. "i'm lonely but i'm good, i'm bitter but i swear i'm fine, i'll save all my romanticism for my inner life" - OH MY GOD. I WROTE THIS SONG. I SWEAR. i relate to this so much. i hate it here. i love this song.

thanK you aIMee

so at first i liked it but then i realized it's about kim kardashian & i actually hate it now, taylor, please, can we finally move on? it's been YEARS, imagine how tired we are.

I LOOK IN PEOPLE'S WINDOWS

the production is good, i love the repetitions of "out", "now" etc. not much to say about it, but it's kinda nice? it's so short tho.

THE PROPHECY

i absolutely love the production on this one, it reminds me of "augusta" by gracie abrams & i love this song so much (also produced by aaron). i love the chorus & all the rhymes here. i don't... love the song in general, but i like it & i think it might grow on me.

CASSANDRA

ok, you know what, it's a nice song, but i am so damn tired of hearing about the same thing over & over again... 2016 was eight fucking years ago, taylor wake the fuck up & move on??? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT ANYMORE JESUS I AM BORED.

PETER

i am genuinely crying right now, because i only have one person in my mind when i'm listening to this song & the words "you were gonna come find me"... oh god (i've had one person in my life who said they were gonna find me one day when i told them i'm gonna leave this shitty town & move to the city of my dreams. they didn't find me tho. the biggest what if of my life. i wanna die right now). it's a good song. i actually love it, probably because it's so relatable for me.

THE BOLTER

i actually like this one. the production is great (good job aaron!), i like the lyrics, i relate to some of this, not gonna get into details tho. none of it is outstanding, but it's a good song. i'm just tired, this album is too damn long.

ROBIN

"way to go tiger" - i love the melody & the way she sings this line. it's such a sweet song & i just learned that robin is aaron's kid's name, i love it. it's nice. nothing amazing, not a masterpiece but i like it.

THE MANUSCRIPT

"if the sex was half as good as the conversation was" - i kinda love this line (no, we are not geting into the details of who this one is about. i just said i love this line). also what a way to end the album: "now & then i re-read the manuscript, but the story isn't mine anymore". i love it, because now these stories are ours. it's like i told bel on friday, i'm gonna make this whole damn album about me & my life.

if you made it to the end, congratulations. to conclude: taylor should have worked more with aaron, less with jack. i usually love jack, but this time i feel like i've heard it all before. i still think this is her worst album. it's too damn long (31 songs!!!). it has some of her worst lyrics ever. most of those songs were totally unnecessary. maybe the entire album was. i genuinely think she should just take a break. i am really disappointed with this album & i am mad as hell because i wanted to love it. well... i made my own version. i think i'm not gonna talk about this album anymore. i also think i need a break from listening to it because i am genuinely tired. bye.

[glibble-glonker]

i also saw first now that you liked the 3rd hc list so i won’t include that

also i angstyfy it because im listening to billie elish rn she slaps

so here are proper Izzy hcs feat. my dyslexia and self projection

- Shs has a hat that says “this hat hides my lobotomy scars”

- Definitely wants to be like her sister to some level (whom i have said multiple times is scarlet)

- she’s a MASTER at hair styles, she just doesn’t always feel like doing them. But eats it up whenever someone asks her to do their hair.

- her favourite food is mejillones a la marinera y pan and her favourite drink is aloe vera water

- heterochromia

- can hold her breath for a crazy long time and definitely played mermaids in the pool when she was younger

- always a little late when it comes to typical teenage things like “hey you should start using oil on your skin to get rid of those stretch marks y’know” “no why the fuck would i do that it looks like i was struck by lightning that shits epic”

- i said this in another post but i think her and Heather used to be very good friends until Heather got a taste of popularity and then ditched Izzy. But yeah i think she was one of those friends that weren’t really smart but also very smart. “my mom said i had to watch my weight, so yeah i can’t have that.” “tell your mom to stop lecturing you about your weight, and tell her to lecture your dad cause i saw him on my moms couch this morning.”

- also her short hair slayed i just had to say that

- has some form of tics (tics not tourettes, i can make a whole essay on the difference)

- i had a dream once that her and ezekiel were neighbours by farm and used to go to a crunch together so im gonna add that too (idk man dreams are weird)

- VERY messy room

- distances herself from people that she’s close with (friends specifically) so that she doesn’t have some form of breakdown in front of them, and they end up thinking she’s insane and leave her.

- ^ i think that ship sailed but she’s a little slow 👍

- begs her friends to teach her how to cook. they mostly just reject it cause they know she’s gonna fuck up, but it’s mostly cause her parents had a tendency to yell when she made a mess or fucked something up. so she’d rather learn it from someone like Noah or Cody

- ^ i’m not a noco shipper i just think Izzy and Cody would be good friends.

- also her and duncan first met at a pistol safety course

- her friends definitely have to look twice whenever she falls asleep somewhere because idk she’s just not the kinda person you’d expect to fall asleep ykwim

- ^ like they know she’s a fucking human but they get thrown off when she suddenly gets tired like damn girl you sleep?

- she’s a floptok icon she just doesn’t know it

- duncan and izzy are younger sister older brother type shit

- ^ they both probably got arrested by duncan’s parents themselves

ALSO, i’ve done crazy research on psychosis for an english essay, and the things i say about psychosis are backed up by research from the international mental health institute

- ^ she’s not one to get scared and/or paranoid, but when she does it’s BAD, like she’s checking every cabinet, locking every door three times, closing all blinds. and sometimes her friends (i say friends cause what are the chances her siblings don’t already know about this) get scared too cause like damn who doesn’t get scared when their friends start checking behind every door while saying that someone is outside.

- “there are bugs under your skin” and she’s throwing herself off a boat she’s gone

Oh my god that’s a lot i think i’m gonna stop there

thank you for watching don’t forget to like and subscribe for more epic content 🔥🔥

OMG OMG AHHHHHHHHHHH HETROCROMIA IZZY AHH

[thebigqueer]

"The Privilege of Later" - Percy Jackson - One-Shot

Summary: Percy shares a cute moment with his mom & sister, and also unpacks some of his trauma a little bit. Word Count: 3327 Read on AO3

It’s 1:47 in the morning, and Percy is seriously considering dropping out of school and living in the forest. 

He’s been dying at the hands of his English essay since he came home from school. He really should’ve worked on it throughout the week, but between swimming practice and general procrastination, he hasn’t been able to get it done at all. 

Percy wishes Annabeth were here with him right now; he probably would have made her read the essay and make sure it made some sort of sense. But she’s somewhere else in the city right now, probably sleeping happily because she doesn’t have any English papers to write, and Percy has no choice but to pray for the best on this assignment. 

He groans. He just wants to crawl into the comfort of his blankets and fall asleep. As much as he’s been just thoroughly enjoying the grind of senior year and making up for all the work he missed in his semester of junior year, he’s ready for high school to just be over.

He heaves a sigh and drops his head into his arms. Maybe he should just accept the late points on this one. After all, he’s already into his second semester of senior year; who’s going to care that much? 

He’s in the middle of considering throwing a drachma to wake Annabeth up so she can suffer with him when, suddenly, a piercing wail shatters the air. The exhaustion drains right out of him and he sits up straight, ears ringing in surprise. It takes him a second to realize it’s just Estelle, being her best baby self - that is to say, screaming and crying at ungodly hours of the morning. 

Same, Estelle, he thinks.

Outside, he hears the padding of footsteps and sees the shadows of feet crawling along the floor. Percy considers staying in his room, but he doesn’t think it’s worth it. Besides, his mom would probably appreciate the help, and he’ll get big brother points. 

He stands and makes his way out the door, following the splice of light to the nursery. He can hear his mom murmuring gently, her words floating in the air, and his ears warm just listening to them. Something about listening to his mom sound so happy, so fulfilled with this small thing who only ever poops herself every few hours makes him feel… safe. 

He wonders if this was how she felt when she had him. If she ever talked to him this sweetly.

Percy knocks on the door gently. “Hey, Mom, it’s me.” 

His mom smiles at him as he comes in, but he can’t miss the exhaustion weighing on her face - the dark circles inking across her skin, the new gray hairs poking out of her sleepy bun, the slight stoop in her posture as she bounces Estelle on her shoulder. Estelle looks the utter opposite - too awake, and still crying. Her cute little face is screwed in, bursting with red as she wails with all her energy. 

“Hey, honey,” she says, settling herself down in the rocking chair in the corner. “Why are you awake?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” 

Sally raises a brow. “Or did you just not do your homework again?”

Percy grins shyly at her. “Same difference.”

“Hm,” she responds, but she lets the matter drop.

“So,” Percy says, stepping closer so that he’s standing next to her on the rocking chair. He crosses his arms across his chest and shrugs. “What’s wrong with the little crybaby?”

“You know,” Sally says, sighing, “the funny thing about babies is that they don’t know how to express their feelings. So you can try everything in existence and they’ll still be crying.” 

“You’re suddenly making the future sound very bleak for me, Mom.” 

“Sorry, honey. Just being honest with you.” She pats his leg gently. “Anyway, I just changed her and I thought that was it, but she’s still crying. So I think I’ll just have to sit with her for a bit.”

“Need company?”

She raises her eyebrows at him. “I don’t know… I really don’t want to cut in with your sleep time.” 

“No, it’s fine. I think I need a break anyway.” 

“How much of that essay have you got done?”

“About two paragraphs.” 

Sally makes a face, then sighs. “Okay, fine. Five minutes, though. Then right back to being my scholarly son.” 

“You know me,” he says, plopping down onto the carpet in front of her, “all about that scholarship.”

Sally laughs and leans her head back. Percy and Sally sit in silence for a minute - or at least as much silence as they can muster, as Estelle continues whimpering. But Percy doesn’t mind much. In fact, he even enjoys it - a moment with his family, just sitting together at two in the morning. It’s nice. 

Then Sally sighs, and Percy looks up. “I’m sorry if all of this is a lot for you, honey,” she laments. “I know this was a little badly planned, having a baby in your senior year just as you’re getting ready for college and everything. And on top of that having to adjust to just normal life after, you know… not being here for a long time.” She holds her hands out, and Percy grasps it. “I can imagine this must be a handful for you.”

Percy lets his mouth tilt into a slight smile, but it probably looks more confused than reassuring. Probably because he is confused. Not in a bad way, though - just overwhelmed, maybe. A good kind of overwhelmed. 

“Don’t be sorry, Mom.” He runs his fingers along the lines of her hand, feels the rough calluses against her hands. “It is a lot of change, but I like it. It gives me something to look forward to everyday. Going to college, trying to live a normal mortal life, getting to have family dinners every night. It’s a change I can get used to. Besides, doing homework at two in the morning beats the alternative, which is fighting monsters and running the risk of dying.” He frowns. “But it’s still just as deadly.” 

Sally laughs. “Welcome to being a mortal, kiddo.” 

“Thanks.” Then Percy holds his arms out. “Let me try holding her. Maybe it’ll do something.” 

Sally shares an apprehensive look with him, but eventually relents. She leans forward and gently passes Estelle off, and Percy feels a little bad about the fact this seems to cause his mother even more wrinkles. He draws Estelle closer to his chest and tries swinging her gently, but his arms are so shaky and Estelle is still wailing and he’s totally convinced he’s going to drop her. 

Great, he thinks. I can fight monsters but I can’t hold a baby?

“Oh, I wish I had a camera!” Sally says, leaning back in her chair, her smile now stretching with relief. “This is too cute.”

“Um,” he says, his eyes trained on the crying child in his arms. “I don’t think this is working.” 

“Maybe just give it a minute. At this point you have as good a chance as I do at calming her.”

Percy huffs a laugh. He continues swinging slowly, watches Estelle sink into them, and he has to admit, he likes the feel of this. Not that taking care of crying babies was at the top of his things to do at two in the morning, but he likes the warmth of feeling his sister in his arms, looking up at him with her big, new eyes, absorbing the world around her. Despite the crying, he can almost see the wonder reflected in her green irises. 

He wants to tell her to keep it as long as she can. Or better yet, he wants to be the one to keep it there, so that she never loses that awe. 

This was something he didn’t expect when he first found out he was going to be a big brother. Sure, he was excited to feel some sort of responsibility for her, but he didn’t expect the kind of power that would take over him. It was almost stronger than any sort of trance any of the gods could have put on him. And better, too. 

Ever since he first laid his eyes on her, first held her, all he could think about was how he wanted to make this world as good for her as possible. That’s what he was living for - not to save the gods, not to save people who could barely thank him for helping them survive, but to make sure the ones he loved could live a life where they didn’t have to worry about the outside dangers of the world. It was to make the world a better one, just for them.

But thinking about that makes him sad, too. Because he knows eventually Estelle is going to grow up, and no matter what he does, no matter how hard he tries, she’ll end up having to learn about the bad things in the world. There’ll come a time where the wonder in her eyes will have flickered out, a time where she no longer will be looking for the newness in everything, and he knows it’s going to break his heart because she’ll finally realize the truth about the world. 

But maybe that’s the other side of making this life worth living. To make sure he’s there for her when she does.

“Mom?” Percy asks, and he looks up again. But this time his voice feels jagged, thready, like it’s been shaved off the edges. He has no idea why. 

“Yeah?”

“Did you ever… I don’t know. Was I ever as good as Estelle when I was a baby?”

Sally raises her eyebrows. “This is your definition of good?”

Percy scoffs, but it dissipates as soon as it leaves his lips. “That’s not what I mean. I just mean, like… Did you ever feel weird about having me? Or, like, scared? Knowing I was the son of a god?” He looks away. “Was I ever too much for you?”

“What?” Sally leans forward in surprise, frowning. “Where is this coming from, Percy?”

“Nowhere,” he promises. “I’m just curious.” 

“You were never too much for me,” she says. “Did I make you feel like you were?”

“No. Just… I know it’s been a lot for you. Like, knowing all you did for me… marrying Gabe, knowing you were at risk since you had a son with a literal god. And the fact that I wasn’t home for a full eight months, or probably more.” Percy shrugs again. “I don’t think those are lengths normal parents would have to take, you know?”

“I think it’s sad that you call them lengths,” she says. “It makes it sound like something I was doing just because I had to. And in a sense I did have to, but not because it was just some parental expectation. I did all that because I loved you, not because it’s what was expected of me.” 

“Oh.” Percy looks down. 

“I don’t know if that made sense. What I mean is, when it comes to loving someone, Percy, you’re willing to do anything you can to protect them. And I think if that love is strong enough, you don’t even consider them ‘lengths’; you consider them as just simple facts.” Sally laughs a little. “I don’t know, maybe it’ll make more sense if you ever become a parent.” 

Percy looks down at Estelle again. “I think I get it. Sort of.” 

“Well, Percy, you definitely weren’t Estelle. But you were never too much for me. You being a different experience never made you a worse one.” Sally smiles. “And yeah, I was scared before you were born. But not because you were a child of a god. I think it was just a general fear of being a first-time parent.”

Percy nods, but his head moves tightly, like a weight is attached to it. 

“Mom?” he asks, and his voice cracks at the end. He takes a deep breath and touches Estelle’s nose, if only to distract himself. “I’m really sorry. About not being here last year. About making you worry so much. About not being...” He doesn’t finish his thought: the son you deserve. 

He thought he was speaking just simply off the tip of his tongue, but he’s surprised to find tears rushing down his cheeks, so light and easy he barely realized they were even coming. And he tries to stop them, but he only manages to suck in a dramatic breath, which does nothing to help him convince himself he’s fine. 

Sally’s brows crawl up her forehead, pulling on her eyes so they pop open. She frowns. “Percy, where is this coming from?”

“I- I don’t know,” he mutters, wiping a tear from his eye. This is so embarrassing. Why is he even crying? “I just know you’re always worried about me, and I really wish I could just, like, tell you not to be, but then I’d be lying to you, and it makes me really sad to think about the fact you’re always going to be there for me but for some reason I just can’t be there for you. I mean, I literally wasn’t home for a full fucking year. I couldn’t be there for you for anything.” He shakes his head. “I’m more sorry than you could ever imagine.” 

Now Estelle is fidgeting again, and her eyes are scrunching in a way that assures him she’s about to start crying, too, and he just fucked something else up. 

So much for being the strong big brother.

Sally pops out of her chair and sits next to him on the floor, her hand gently smoothing his hair, and he can’t help it - he drops his head against her shoulder. 

“None of that is your fault, honey,” she says. “I thought you knew that. I know it wasn’t your decision to leave. You have nothing to be sorry for.” 

“I know,” Percy murmurs. “I’m sorry, still.”

“Don’t say that. You are not responsible for any of that.” She scoffs, and the way her voice rattles in her chest, Percy feels almost scared of her as she says, “It’s only the gods to blame.” 

Percy doesn’t say anything. 

“Look,” Sally says, now drawing her fingers through his hair, “I understand why you might feel this way. But you have to understand, I do not blame you for a minute. Yes, I’ll be honest, I do wish I didn’t have to worry so much, and I do wish you could just be safe and sound at home. But none of that is anything you have to be sorry for, Percy. You’re here for me as much as you can be, and that’s better than I think a lot of moms can ask for. I don’t regret for a moment you being a demigod, or even having you; I don’t know how I ever could, knowing how much you’ve accomplished.” Sally smiles, and the sight of it feels like the sun dripping on him on a summer’s day. “I am so immensely proud of you, Percy, of everything you do to keep me and everyone else in this world safe. Maybe you can’t always be here physically, but you are there for me in ways that you don’t even understand.”

Percy smiles, but it’s drowned out by the remaining tears trying to escape his eyes. He wipes some away. 

“I don’t ever regret having you, Percy, and I don’t regret for a moment not having a ‘normal’ life with you, whatever that is.” She cups Percy’s face in her hands and brushes her thumbs over his tears, burning them away. “I knew you would turn my world into a life of adventure and love before you were even born. How could I ever regret that?”

Sally’s attempts are futile. Now Percy’s tears are running down even faster. “Mom…,” he murmurs, but his tongue only gets tied up trying to finish whatever it is he was going to say. So he gives up and just lets this silence warm them.

“I’m not trying to diminish your feelings,” Sally murmurs eventually, “but does any of this have to do with Estelle? Do you think she was meant to replace you, Percy?”

“No,” he says immediately. “Not at all. I’m so happy she’s here. It’s just… I think having her here has just made some old thoughts come back. Not that that’s her fault. It just happened, I think. And after everything last year… maybe they’ve just grown more intense.” 

Sally frowns, but she offers a nod in confused understanding. “Well, just know, Percy, she was never meant to replace you or give me some sort of life that I’d always hoped for. She was another beautiful gift, just like you.”

As if in response, Estelle blubbers. When she catches sight of them watching, she blinks, opens and closes her mouth, and throws her hand into her mouth.

Then smiles.

It’s funny, Percy thinks. If someone had told the twelve-year-old him that this was where he’d be at eighteen - finishing high school, taking care of his new sister, preparing for college on the complete other side of the country - he would never have believed them. People had told him how dangerous being a demigod was ever since he first found out, and while he didn’t believe that he’d never reach adulthood, he didn’t keep his hopes up, either. Even before he found out he was a demigod, when his mom was still living with Smelly Gabe, he never really knew where they’d go from there. A part of him always believed he’d be stuck with him until he moved out, if he’d be able to move out at all. 

But here he was, almost eighteen, about to live the very future he never thought he’d be able to have for himself.

Realizing this, his heart stings a little. He knows he’s just a lucky case - there are so many people out there that have it much worse than he does right now. People who’d been in his situation but, unlike him, weren’t able to escape theirs. 

But that doesn’t bring him down. Instead, it only makes him feel more grateful for what he has now. A loving family, a caring girlfriend, the bestest friends in the world. There could have been a million ways his life went, but he’s glad it went this way. 

Sally kisses his cheek, and then stumbles back onto her feet. “Whew,” she mutters, rubbing her hip. “Not as young as I used to be. Anyway, it’s getting late, honey. We should head back to sleep. Sorry if me and Estelle woke you up.” 

“It’s all good,” Percy says, offering his sister up to her. He wipes the remains of his tears and jumps to his feet, too. “Actually, I think… I think I really needed to hear all that, Mom.” 

Sally smiles. “Of course, honey. And… I’m sorry if I ever made it seem like you couldn’t tell me any of this earlier. I really didn’t mean to give you that impression. I want you to be okay with telling me anything, Percy. I love you.” 

Percy smiles and offers his mom a one-handed hug, careful to not squish the baby. “You didn’t. And I love you, too.” He widens his eyes at Estelle, who giggles at his expression. “And I love you even more. Even if you are really loud.” 

Estelle squeals.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” he tells Sally, padding towards the bedroom door.

“Don’t be up too late!”

Before he closes the door, he turns around again and smiles at her. “See you later, Mom.” 

Later. He likes the taste of that word, like cotton candy, like clouds he can reach. Something he never thought he’d get the privilege to say.

[flvrism]

For A 2nd Time...

‘Who knows!!’ Sakura said, ‘perhaps you’re just falling for a second time.’  But does it count as falling when you didn't ever really stop feeling something for her?

Warnings: Cussing, mentions of death, mentions of the word 'ghost', bad attempt of angst.

Genre: exes 2 lovers

Featuring: Aespa Ningning, Giselle, Le sserafim Sakura, Yunjin, Enhypen Sunoo, Jay,

Author's Note: Just a small disclaimer this is NOT a smau it's a small thing I got inspired when I was listening to reflections by the neighbourhood and decided to write it on impulse. Pls give feedback since its been so long since i last wrote something and english isn't my first language.

'The universe works in so many wonderful ways, always in our favour and never against us. It knows our deepest desires whether we are aware of them or not. But it sometimes has to show you things like a slap on the face if you don't see the subtle signs or just blatantly ignore them.' You finish typing on your computer as you work on your creative writing's essay.

Your friend, Sakura is making you company and taking a break from her responsibilities, and you see you aren't ignoring her on purpose, but you suddenly got inspiration for your essay, which you won't let go to waste. After a while you feel bad for not listening to her and decide to take a break to focus on the conversation.

The topics vary from whether she believes in ghosts, which she apparently does not and tells you to get good night sleep if you believe in all that because it's part of people's imagination and need for attention to seem interesting to somehow exes. Which is a topic you aren't very fond of considering how you went through a breakup recently.

‘Who knows!!’ Sakura said, ‘perhaps you’re just falling for a second time.’  

It's been exactly 2 weeks since that conversation.  

It is safe to say you weren’t getting any sleep tonight again, unsurprisingly... That conversation with Sakura still replaying on your mind. Perhaps that was the universe giving you a clearer sign and telling you to get your shit together.

Could you even consider it ‘falling’ when the feelings truly never went away? Call It ‘falling’ for a second time when you still feel the rush of emotions just as the first time you met her? Seeking for answers to an already answered question was a waste of time yet here you are asking yourself the same question every night hoping to somehow wake up to a different answer refusing to accept the one you already knew.

But to hear this from someone else just felt too much, it was as if someone else was voicing out your unconscious thoughts for you.

And you hated it.

Without looking at your phone you could already tell by the countless of other nights that you’ve stayed up that it was no less than 4 in the morning.

Great just great, another sleepless night with a very busy day ahead. This should not be affecting you as much.

but it is.

Staring at the ceiling you ask to whatever is out there to spare you from this misery and just as you’re about to fall asleep your alarm starts ringing.

This is probably karma from breaking up with her you think while sighing loudly, ‘come on, Yn!! Pull yourself together’ you whisper. No matter how tired you are you still have responsibilities so you get out of bed to attempt to make it look like you're not on the verge of breaking down.

Making your way into the stuco office you’re greeted by Sakura, Yunjin, Sunoo, and Jay. Giselle nowhere to be seen which you assumed was her being late, but she’s had a busy week with the preparations for the welcome committee of new students. Taking a sit you make a mental note to ask her if she needs anything imagining how tiring these past weeks have been for her.

There's no reason for all of you to be up as early as 6:40 in the morning and in school already but mere habit.

'So, today is the big day', you say with a sigh.

'I can't believe our classes are the ones helping out the new students that are just starting and we’re almost leaving.’ Sakura says before being interrupted by Yunjin with a fake cry and the most dramatic ‘I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE I’M NOT READY TO BE A HAG’, following right after which makes the whole room laugh.

Sakura clears her throat giving Yunjin a stern look pretending to be annoyed, but the smile on her face says otherwise and the attention is back to her as the laughter subsides, ‘as I was saying...' She pauses, hesitating to continue her words and you instantly catch onto this being the observant person you are by nature and it's making you feel anything but calm to hear what she has to say.

'I was thinking. No, we were thinking. What if you somehow end up being paired with NingNing.'

As soon as you heard that you immediately froze. It was way too early in the morning to be dealing with this shit you thought.

Seeing that you looked like you saw hell itself and came back up to earth they spoke up, ‘look it wouldn’t be such a bad idea yn... you could maybe fix everything with her, and we don’t say you necessarily have to get together, but being friends or even being able to simply say hi would be a good start for the both of you’, says Jay.

And you know he is right. You hate that he knows you so well, but you’re not ready for this, it feels like it’s too sudden for you to think that it's a good idea to fix your relationship and start over.

Ningning is someone you have known for as long as you can remember, she has been there for every important milestone in your life and suddenly not having her around has not been easy.

Everyone around you can tell you two aren't the same, and not in the sense that your personalities changed but in how it's always been Ningning and Yn, Yn and Ningning, the inseparable duo.

Snapping out from your thoughts as the always reasonable Yn you say no. 'We broke up, I broke up with her.' You correct yourself. 'I don’t want to do it and I don’t care if I don’t ever fix my relationship with her.'

'I'm not interested so our home room teacher can pair her with someone else.’ Lie after lie is all that comes out of your mouth, and it hurts, but you can’t do it. You're too scared of how she will react, especially since it’s been 5 long months of no contact between you two after that breakup.

Glancing at your phone you notice how it's already 07:15 and as you stand up you say, ‘i’ll be taking my leave, it's almost time for all of us to head out anyway .’ And you can see they all have an apologetic look which you can guess that is caused for bringing that topic up, and you know they’re doing it with good intentions, after all they're your friends and want the best for you, but you’re not ready.  

"Aw come on, all of you are making me feel bad with that kicked puppy look you have on your faces," you say while laughing. "I'll see all of you later, and good luck with the students assigned to you. Hopefully they're not a pain in the ass."

Making your way to your class with a small smile on your face you think back on what they said. What if you actually got paired with her, 'I think I'd rather jump off the window,' you mutter under your breath.

Stop thinking about it, it won't happen. Just think positively or well try.

Being the president automatically makes her the bearer of the good and bad news and just to your luck Sakura brought you bad news.

She sat down next to you which you didn't think much of it because she did it occasionally. As you waited for your name to be called, she started speaking, 'Yn, please don't think I had something to do with this. I actually came to tell you as soon as I found out, but I don't want you to think it was me or anyone that was in the student council room this morning.' A feeling of uneasiness taking over you and you knew she was also nervous since she always rambles whenever she is anxious.

'You were paired with Ni-'

'Yn and Ningning.'

Your teacher interrupts, and now you understand why she was on the verge of shitting herself, because now you are too.

You hate your friends.

You were convinced they somehow manifested this. If only they hadn't spoken up perhaps you wouldn't be in this situation.

"Oh, it seems that there are more students than originally anticipated. Sunghoon, go ahead and join Yn and Ningning." Your teacher says and, in that moment, you wanted death.

It felt like a punch to your gut. You have nothing against Sunghoon, if anything you did find him cute, but ever since you broke up with Ningning you have heard different rumours from them having something to them being together already and that did not help to lighten your mood at all.

Most popular rumour was the 'love traingle' one that is that you had broken up with Ningning because you found out she had something with Sunghoon and much to your dismay it was one of the most popular theories amongst the school. Which was absurd, and you hated how they made her look like a cheater and involving the poor guy when he didn't even know Ningning at the time.

When they were announcing the pairs to help out never in a million years did you expect to hear Sunghoon and Ningning’s names next to yours, it caused a few different reactions, but it mostly had people giggling with their friends. Of course, they're going to find this as free entertainment when the three of you were in a 'complicated love traingle' as they like to put it.

Ok perhaps you weren’t so unlucky after all because it seemed as if the universe took pity on you and Sunoo ended up being called out to be part of your group. Finally, something good from this day that you already were thrilled to end.

Sunoo did not waste a second and rushed to switch places with Sakura that was making her way to her partner. "Before you say anything I had no idea this whole Ningning and Sunghoon plus you thing would happen." He says, and just like Sakura you can hear how genuine he sounds.

"I wouldn’t do that knowing how much it bothers you." To that you gave him a quizzical look with a face that could only be described as what the hell are you talking about now.

Sunoo simply scoffed, "Yn, we both know I know you better than you know yourself. I know, you know about those stupid rumours and how you don’t like them but since your head is too deep into your ass to realise or well admit out loud that you still care about Ningning I’ll keep quiet." To that you didn’t say anything because he was right; it would be pointless to try and change the truth of something you both knew.

Your anxiety levels were spiking up and it was pretty evident by the way you were fidgeting with your fingers. Taking notice of this your friend grabs your hand, "Yn, breathe it will be alright. If it gets too much, I'll think of something to get you excused from school." Giving a light squeeze to his hand you thank him because honestly without Sunoo you would be pretty much screwed right now.

Too busy freaking out you didn't notice how now Sunghoon and Ningning were approaching the both of you. To make their presence known Sunghoon clears his throat snapping you out of your inner monologue.

"Um... Hi?" he says which sounded more like a question. You couldn't help it an silently laughed to yourself from the clear awkwardness lased on his tone. He and Ningning sat down facing you two.

Now, you honestly did not even expect her to say hi or even look your way because of how you broke up with her.

You wouldn't expect any ounce of kindness coming from her and it's not like you deserved it, but you caught her looking at you and when you two made eye contact you wanted to run out of the building. Her eyes didn't greet you with the anger you thought you would find that hatred that you knew you deserved, to your surprise they still held that warmth and comfort you always knew.

With a small smile on her face, she muttered a small hi, clearly meant for you. But of course, the ever so eloquent and smart vice president that you are, you froze.

To anyone's perspective it would look as if you were ignoring her, if anything she probably thought you were as well because you saw how her smile faded and she looked at Sunghoon since he was talking with Sunoo to see how they would divide everything since your group had the most number of students assigned.

Deep in thought you didn't bother to pay attention to the discussion, occasionally giving a small nod where you thought was needed to pretend you were actively listening to the conversation.

You start coming back from wherever your head takes you after hearing Sunghoon and Ningning standing up, making their way out probably to meet the students.

As soon as they leave you slam your face against your desk. "I am going to kill myself; she probably hates me for sure now. I didn't mean to ignore her I just got surprised," you say. "Trust me I can tell better than anyone else since your nails were digging at the palms of my hand when she simply said hi to you." Sunoo says while massaging his hand.

'Well, let's go! The sooner we end this the better' you whisper out the last part loud enough for Sunoo to hear, but not loud enough for your teacher to hear as you both stand up making your way to go meet the students you were assigned to guide for the day at the auditorium.

You were sure your bed was a mess from all the tossing and turning. Recalling what happened during the day you felt stupid for not being able to reply to her earlier. "How the hell am I expected to survive the rest of the school year if I can't even say something as simple as hi," you groan into your pillow. Remembering everything especially her defeated expression replaying on your mind made you want to dig up a hole and never come back out.

Just in time your phone started ringing pulling you out of your misery temporarily. "Oh wow you look like shit" is the first thing you hear Yunjin say. "Wow I totally did not notice Jen," you say sarcastically looking at the call with the straightest face you could muster which didn't last long before you and said girl started giggling.

"I'm serious though, you look rough. I heard it didn't go well with Ning..." she hesitantly said testing the waters to see if the topic was up for discussion or not and honestly it's not that you didn't want to talk about it but it was more like you were embarrassed to admit out loud to your friends that you simply panicked and couldn't say hi to your ex girlfriend AND best friend.

"Yeah it went bad in a way?", you say which sounded more like a question. To this Yunjin raised her eyebrow quizzically and without her having to ask you continued, "I fucked up by not replying back to her." You pause taking a shaky breath to stop yourself from crying ,"She didn't look like she hated me Jen and I panicked which is why I didn't reply and she looked so upset after that which just made me want to scream cry and die."

"You know I don't think she ever hated you, I think she was hurt by you cutting her off completely out of your life with no explanation especially with how close the two of you were" said Yunjin, to which you sighed knowing she was fully right.

"I don't know... well I mean I do know it's just complicated? Or maybe it's all in my head, I just feel so bad, but it's not like I can apologise for not saying hi to her when I havent even apologised for the other things."

After what seem like ages you two ended the call to get some work done hoping it worked as a distraction and without even realising it you fell asleep on your half way done physics homework with Ningning being the last thing on your mind.

Making your way to school you decided to grab a cup of your favourite drink in hopes to help you get through the busy morning ahead and apparently you weren't the only one with that in mind since Jay was there as well. "Good morning, Yn" he says before being cut off by a yawn. You giggle at your friends obvious lack of energy in the mornings which is something you can relate a little too well. "My favourite morning person, hi" you say laughing at the way he looked at you as if you've gone mad. "Very funny", he says throwing you a playful glare. You loved Jay, after all he was one of your closest friends that genuinely took time to understand you and give you heartfelt advice whenever you needed it.

Once you ordered everything and got the drinks you two continued making your way to school. Feeling the slight tension you can already imagine what it is about so you tell him to ask." I know you're wanting to ask about Ningning since you probably heard how bad it went", you say looking back at him with his you caught me smile. "I mean yeah I did hear you didn't really reply back to her, but I'm assuming it was because you probably got nervous since it's been quite some time since you two last had a conversation."

You nodded because well he was right, "I got nervous yes, and when I saw the upset look on her face I felt the urge to stand up and slam myself against the wall. I hate to admit this but honestly who doesn't know at this point I love her and I just... I'm not sure." You paused but just as if he was reading your thoughts he says, "you just want to fix it don't you? I told you already you should talk to her whenever you feel ready, it will do both of you good." You just sigh because he was right and you were scared of talking to her. "I know you're scared but it's Ningning you two were the inseparable best friends plus I'm sure she'll listen. Just talk to her when you're ready." And with that you bid him goodbye since you had already reached the school making your way into your respective classes.

Now you're not one to shy away from a challenge, but this is completely different. It's funny how everyone says it should be easy because the two of you were close, but that's what makes it harder. All these thoughts were like a plague slowly eating your brain alive, you so badly wanted to stand up and go to her to talk it out but frankly it felt impossible to do it and you were starting to annoy yourself because of it.

Honestly everything was aligning itself for you to make your move, from getting paired with Ningning that one time along with sunoo and sunghoon to randomly seeing her more on the hallways, to your teachers making you go to her classes more often to help students who didn't understand the subject well hoping that coming from another student it'd be easier to understand. And each time you were near her you could feel a lingering gaze that you knew well it was from no other than her which honestly made you hopeful oddly enough and a little giddy. Maybe you were just relying on your delusions to be positive to get enough courage to confront her once and for all. "Universe, stars, gods, whatever is out there just help me out this once I beg, I need to talk to her before it's too late", you sigh clearly frustrated at this point you just needed a big push to do it in one go, it's been weeks since you 'ignored her' and time wasn't getting any slower you were soon close to graduation preparations and if you didn't talk to her now it would be hard to do it once you didn't see her in school.

Pulling your phone out of your bag you text your friends, 'we need to meet after school it's friday give me a break from this shit hole', to which they all agreed sending similar messages to how school was driving them mad making you giggle seeing how you're not alone in that.

"Okay we need to address the elephant in the room", Giselle says, "Yn she's talking about you I fear" Yunjin says which makes you laugh sarcastically. "No shit Jen I totally didn't know." you say after leaning back on the couch. All of you decided to go to Jay's place since it was closest to school and ordered food from different places because all of you can never come into terms with just one place. "Okay seriously Yn, no sarcastic remarks to cope with the awkwardness let's talk. You look like you haven't been sleeping and that you're in constant stress and we all can guess why." Compared to how it usually goes in your hang outs the room was awfully quiet and all the attention was on you and to be honest you hated it at the moment. "We don't want to add to the burden but we just can't help but notice there's a clear difference of the current Yn and how you were before, especially when we all can tell school and Ningning have your stress levels elevating through the roof", Sakura continues as you listen in silence knowing you can't disagree. "If you want to talk to Ningning and you don't know how to tell her we can help you out, you don't need to do everything on your own Yn. Asking for help won't hurt you", says Sunoo as you nod in agreement. Having known you the longest Jay knows how overwhelmed these type of confrontational moments make you feel so he grabs your hand to reassure you that everything is going to be alright. "Well this is not how I planned my relaxing friday to go, but yeah I guess all of you are right even I can't stand it anymore. I really need help with talking to her before it's too late."

And just as quick as it came it ended. Weekends are so short especially when you don't want to face your fears, but it seemed like your physics teacher had other plans because he called for a group project which in reality it was just pairs the random picker would choose so everyone had more time to know more people other than their friends or something along those lines that teachers always say.

It didn't really register at first when you heard Yn and Ningning, but as soon as it did you went cold. Let's not freak out and give her the completely wrong idea again Yn you thought. Preparing yourself physically and mentally for what's about to come for the rest of the class was not how you expected it to go because right now you felt like you were quite literally about to pass out. As soon as the bell rang you took one deep breath ready to walk up to her when you see her rushing almost out the door, but not without leaving you speechless with the next sentence that came out of her mouth, "Text me to discuss the project I know you still have my number."

Your heart felt like it was about to explode at any second, maybe you were being overdramatic but who really cares, this was it, your chance to talk to her and hopefully apologise and make it up to her was being shoved right into your face. Pulling out your phone you text her a simple 'Hi' not knowing where the sudden flow of confidence was coming from you sent another text, 'Where do you want to meet to work on our project?' Not even one minute later you received her reply

'Your place or mine you decide then lmk.'

Being honest you didn't know what to wear to go to her house, suddenly everything in your closet didn't feel enough. How were you supposed to be dressed when it was just a school project, you didn't want to go overdressed but being in a too simple outfit didn't feel right with you either and quite honestly you wanted to put in some effort for her to see. After digging for what felt like ages you found something that fell into the casual but stylish category deeming it good enough to not weird her out if you showed up looking overdressed. As you were getting ready you couldnt help but laugh at the way you're acting, if anyone saw you they'd think you were getting ready for a date with how excited you looked and it all reminded you of how it felt when you started crushing on her to the first dates before dating.

Needing that extra boost of confidence and support you decided to call no other than Jay and not one second into the call you immediately ask "how do I look? do you think its good enough to work on a project with my ex? should I even care that it's my ex? ofc i should I love her. I'm overthinking this right" all in one breath. You two pause for a moment and immediately start laughing, "to answer your questions you look good and it's lies between casual but effortless looking well put outfit if that makes any sense, but you need to take a deep breath." You couldn't help it your adrenaline was kicking in with full force preparing your fight of flight instinct and in this moment you wanted to choose flight. "I'm just nervous and excited about this it's been so long and you better than anyone know how much I miss her," he sighs shaking his head playfully going on a tangent of how he told you and you didn't wanted to listen and seeing how it was almost time to go you two finally hung up, not before wishing you luck of course.

Making your way to her house felt all too familiar, the countless of evenings you two would walk side by side bumping into each other giggling, the hushed conversations, and the day you two had your first kiss before confessing all the feelings you were hiding. All of these memories putting a smile on your face as you looked back at them and without realising you were already standing at her front door.

Taking a deep breath you knock softly on the door wondering if her parents were home, if they were what were they going to say after seeing you for so long? How would they react? You wonder if Ningning even told them that you two stopped being friends, they sure must've noticed your sudden disappearance, but before you could get way deeper into your thoughts Ningning is at the door opening it so you can come in. As of reflex she was going to greet you with a hug, but she quickly managed to stop herself and continued to open the door wide enough so you could come inside.

Everything felt so awkward. Being in her room not even looking at each other as you were sitting down not even bothering to look up from your laptops was painful silent. If you wanted to see results you need to make the first move you thought as you took a deep breath, "so... what are we going to work on? Do you have any ideas?" You ask her as calmly as possible, still not looking up from your screen. You can hear a sigh and feel her gaze lingering on you, "I got a couple of ideas written down already I can share the docs with you so that it's easier." When you received the document and went through it one of the ideas caught your attention and you think it can land you a good grade if you know how to execute it properly. After agreeing on what the topic would be and arranging and assigning parts the room falls silent again.

Trying to make small talk to relieve the tension you decided to ask something you were curious about. "To be honest when I came here I thought one of you parents would be home," and as you say this you can hear her stop typing on her laptop. "They went out for today visiting some extended family member, I was supposed to go with them too but I had to stay here to work on the project." She then looked down and got to typing again and you took it as a sign that conversation was over, honestly you were grateful you got much from her and proud of yourself for carrying out conversation. With a deep breath she speaks up again, "you know if my parents were here they'd be happy to see you," causing you to smile involuntarily, "they've missed you," and with a shaky breath you faintly hear her say, "I've missed you." Immediately stopping anything you were doing you look at her, " what did you just say," you ask in pure disbelief thinking you were imagining things. "I've missed you and now we can't even have one single conversation without feeling like I'm going to suffocate with all of the tension," she said finally snapping unable to handle it any longer.

"You know what? Honestly fuck it, I'm tired," she said crying. "I'm tired of how you ignore me, how you shut me off completely without any reason or explanation that if we're being honest I deserve, I tried to give you space thinking you'd come to me giving me closure but all I got was silence on your end. You're so selfish but even then I still can't bring myself to hate you and that's the worst part. You reassured me that nothing was going to affect our friendship and I have been regretting listening to you ever since that day because look at us now, we can't even look at each other in the eye. I'm really tired Yn and I don't think I can handle this anymore."

To say she left you speechless was an understatement, but seeing how hard she was crying by the end of her rant made you realise that sometimes actions are better than words, so you went to her and for the first time in so long you finally hugged her

You couldn't resist it anymore and you let your body act on its own because just for a moment you wouldn't let your brain think and you hugged her as she kept crying and without realising you were crying as well.

"We were inseparable before dating and used to tell each other everything. If you realised dating was a mistake you could've told me and I would've been fine just by being friends." It pained you to know she went through all of that because of your stupid insecurities, but seeing how she wasn't done you let her continue.

"I feel you're so close to me yet so far away and unreachable because of the sudden distance you put between us and I can't do anything about it because you run away just by hearing my name. We were inseparable before dating and used to tell each other everything. You were my best friend and a big part in my life that suddenly left and I didn't know what to do."

You tried to pull away slightly to face her, but she was clinging to you as if she was silently begging you to stay.

"Ning, I'm sorry." Is the first thing you say because it was the right thing to do after everything you put her through. "You never deserved this happening to you, I made a promise and soon after broke it letting my insecurities get the best of me."

Caressing her hair in attempts to soothe her down you continued, "You were never a mistake if anything you are probably the best decision I have taken in my life and I don't regret a single moment I spent with you. The only regrets I have were ever leaving you."

After hearing those words Ningning pulled away slightly to look up at you, her face carrying so many different emotions. For the first time in a while you were finally able to look at her face to face and it started to hit you on how much you missed being in her presence.

"You have no idea on how much I've missed you," you say drying her tears. "I am still in love with you just the same as the first time I realised you weren't just my best friend. I'm so sorry for leaving you with no explanations or closure and I won't even think of making excuses because there's no valid one."

Before you could even continue speaking you felt her cupping your face and without realising you two were kissing and every unspoken word hat hadn't been said was poured into it and you couldn't help but smile while kissing her with the same amount of eagerness that she did.

After what felt like ages you two pulled away and looked at each other just for Ningning to start laughing the shyness she felt away hugging you once again to hide how red her face was becoming. And you loved her laugh and missed it so much.

In that moment it felt everything was falling into place and that balance your life needed was finally right besides you.

BONUS :

You two decided to keep the dates and each other a secret until it felt right to tell everyone you were together again. Everything was going smoothly as if none of this ever happened. You wanted to take all of that private time to fix your relationship and the communication issues. You soon learned that Sunghoon was indeed a really close person to her, but that none of the rumours were true if anything he was what Jay was to you and you were glad that amidst all these chaos she had someone to rely on.

Your friends knew both of you talked to each other 'casually' which was a big lie, but nobody needed to know that. So it wasn't a surprise to see both of you walking side by side occasionally.

"Do you want to tell them now? or when?" Ningning asked unsure about it and you could tell she was still feeling insecure, but no matter how many times she felt like that you'd be there to reassure her about your relationship.

Spotting your friends from afar you give her a quick kiss and grab her hand, "let's tell them now, enough time has passed and it's not like they don't suspect it." She laughed while saying they probably were making bets which was highly likely knowing all of them.

When they finally notice both of you without needing to speak Giselle screams "oh my god they're so back pay up." Causing everyone to laugh especially you and Ningning because you both truly knew them that well.

"It was about time that you got back together let me tell you Ning, this girl was losing her shit without you crying herself to sleep every night," said Sakura to which you replied with a barely audible shut up hiding your face while back hugging Ningning.

All of them were teasing the both of you until the bell rang for class and Yunjin said "Good luck on the project losers hopefully you werent too busy shoving each other's tongue down each other's throats."

And at that moment both of you looked at each other while simultaneously saying

"Oh my god the project?!"

It was safe to say both girls did in fact forget the project.

[misc-obeyme]

I'm only asking about Arsenios for now 👀

General 03 When is their birthday? Do they celebrate it? Do they even remember it in the first place?

General 10 What was there initial reaction to Diavolo's plans of uniting the three realms? Has their opinion changed?

Relationship & Personality 14 What is their biggest regret?

Demon 03 Do they have any special abilities? (fyi you could write a 50 page essay about his powers and I'd happily read it because his powers are just so cool <3)

Yesss I could talk about this guy all day every day and never grow tired of it. It makes me feel silly but I love him lol. Thank you for asking about him!

General 03 When is their birthday? Do they celebrate it? Do they even remember it in the first place?

His birthday is 3/4 which is also a musical time signature because I'm a dork like that. (Er well that's March 4th here in the US, I know dates are written differently in different countries lol.) Yes, my boy is a Pisces. He doesn't celebrate his birthday at all because he doesn't think it's important. He's the kind of demon who won't tell people when it is because he'll just be like who cares? He does remember it just because he doesn't forget stuff like that, but he's not keeping track of it, either. I don't think he knows his exact age anymore.

General 10 What was there initial reaction to Diavolo's plans of uniting the three realms? Has their opinion changed?

Skeptical. Arsenios spent a lot of time in the human world previously and generally thinks the worlds are incompatible. He has no problem with humans. He thinks there are good and bad humans the same way there are good and bad demons. But he thinks the lifespan and power level situation makes things tricky. He's also highly suspicious of sorcerers and it seems to him that they're the only ones the Devildom would really be dealing with. Since it seems like regular humans don't even know the Devildom exists.

As for the Celestial Realm, he sees that as some mystical and magical place that's so removed from him in every sense he just can't imagine ever even talking to angels let alone befriending them.

I think his opinion does change after a while. He sees that it's slow going, but that progress is being made. And he's like hey whatever if this is what Diavolo wants to do, he's okay with that.

Relationship & Personality 14 What is their biggest regret?

If you asked him, he'd say he has no regrets because he likes to think he's learned something from everything that he's done. But what he says and how he feels are often two different things. And as his creator, I can tell you what it is lol. He was seriously injured and alone and while I don't think he would have died, the results would have been devastating for him. But someone found him and helped him. His regret is never finding his savior, never knowing who it was that helped him when he was at his lowest.

Demon 03 Do they have any special abilities?

Ahhh Melody you're too nice! I feel like I'm already writing massive paragraphs, but it'd be so easy to write 50 pages about it I think lol.

Anyway, yes, so Arrie's whole thing is obviously music. And his power kind of manifests in multiple different ways. The most prominent and probably most useful is his ability to use his songs to do magic. For example, he can use a song to influence someone. It's less mind control and more subliminal suggestion. This is something he can do quite easily and naturally. It's innate and he just does it by thinking about it deliberately. He can get people to do things, but it's a lot harder to make someone do things, especially if they don't want to do it. He's a lot better at more subtle things like a song that suggests someone's body needs to relax or that someone should consider falling asleep. However, he can also create entire spells with his songs if he wants to. He just doesn't normally bother to do this because it's a lot of work. It has to do with creating specific notes and using specific keys and chords. Kind of like instead of writing an incantation for a spell, he's writing a song for one. But it has to be very deliberate and most of the time he's like whatever there are already spells someone else created why would I make my own?

Another thing about his power is that he has this sort of ongoing song that's just part of his soul. It's not something most people can hear. If he's upset or hurt, though, it becomes loud and just sort of permeates whatever space he's in. Then people can hear it and it's always really harsh and almost painful to listen to.

He also has the ability to hear other people's natural songs. It isn't quite the same as his, which sounds more like someone playing an instrument of some kind. It's more like all the little sounds that make up a living being - heartbeat, footsteps, breathing, their voice, etc.

And just a lot of other little things like having perfect pitch and being able to play every instrument (though he still has to practice, it's just he picks it up quickly). Naturally good singing voice, that kind of thing.

Ahh well I still wrote a TON about it lol. But once I get started, it's hard to stop! I guess that's why his story ended up so crazy and long 😭

Anyway, thank you for asking, it is so fun to answer questions about him! 💕

MC & OC Ask Game

[crownednova]

I’ve only seen love directed towards RtDLDX, and while I think that’s lovely, I’ve always had several issues with it that I haven’t seen many else talk about. So that’s what I wanna do… talk about it. This was originally gonna be in the form of an essay, but I wrote the first draft half asleep, there is no saving that, and I think more of a point form, individualised analysis would get my point across better. This also means there isn’t going to be much for positives. Pretty much anything I don’t mention should be assumed I am either fine or happy with. Despite that though, I do still think the negatives are enough to cause me to not enjoy RtDLDX, at least not as much as I wish I could. But enough preamble.

New White Wafers Dialogue

Let’s start off with the two least impactful gripes. In fact, I’m just gonna get this one out of the way before getting onto the actual topic. Ability Stars look so much worse now. I get they’re 3D models now, but man, they just look so flat. Where are my RtDL Ability Star fans at? Okay, now to actually begin. All the other changes to Story Mode are great, but wow, I do not like his “Such Easy Targets” line. It feels like a betrayal of his facade. I’ve said in the past that RtDL has my favourite Magolor, which is why this stings. This isn’t like any of his other new/changed dialogue, while his Extra Mode dialogue also stands out, it still feels closer to how he acts. Not to mention, this is him finally being honest. He’s allowed to drop the facade here, it makes sense. But in White Wafers? I just can’t see him saying that. In the original, he does come off as shady, and he does mess up his story, but in a completely different way. I feel a similar slip up is when he calls Kirby a Hero in Cookie Country. At that time, he isn't supposed to know that. He also changes his story from “Just Crash Landing” to “Being Attacked by Landia.” Those are his brand of slip ups, I can’t imagine he’d mess up that badly as to say “Man I love scheming. Oops I mean crocheting ☺️” It’s also a lot more relaxed than what I expect from him. I always interpreted RtDL Magolor as having this stress to his dialogue. His ship is in shambles and he needs to keep up a lie. He still goofs around, but it’s in a completely different tone, it still has undertones of panic. This however, reads more like one of his upgrade lines in the Epilogue. Some may find that appropriate, but Magolor is never written consistently, and trying to add connections only makes things worse. Also, forgot to mention, this is just a straight up spoiler. Sure, the game is 11 years old, but Forgotten Land introduced so many new Kirby fans, people who know nothing about the series, to reveal your biggest twist, especially in a way that feels like a betrayal to the character you’ve written, I just can’t understand the idea behind this change. Because what is the point? I keep asking myself this and I genuinely can’t comprehend it.

Extra Mode Changes

Extra Mode got a glow up in RtDLDX, that’s obvious from the first stages, so then why do I find myself preferring the original? It’s consistent. 1-1 is probably the most fun I’ve had with RtDL in years, so to be greeted by that, only to be met with the exact same mode I’ve played countless times, it’s crushing. It feels like it was set up to get you excited, just to pull the rug from under you. I could get it if it was deliberately there to convince you to buy the game, but if you’ve made it this far, you already own it. So why? While this inconsistency ruins the mode for me, I can’t help but have a more, sympathetic outlook. The original mode is a clear sign this game was rushed, while most of the game, you wouldn’t even be able to tell. I don’t know if those who worked on it were happy with how Extra Mode turned out. Maybe that’s presumptuous of me, but DX was their chance to fix this, but they didn’t. If it isn’t obvious, I think Extra Mode was once again rushed. 1-1, while maybe a bit unfair, still felt like there was love put into it, as much love as the bosses. And 2-1 and 3-1 also got noticeable attention, but much less. The fact the first levels got this attention, makes me feel like they were just developing the levels they could, I can’t explain it as well as I’d like, but it still stands out to me that way. But, while I appreciate the effort, it only makes it feel more unfinished than the original. I’m just so sad about this because this was their only chance to fix the original, it just stands out compared to all the other Extra Modes from the games after. Even something simple like letting Player 1 be Dedede, Meta or Bandee would have done so much for this mode. And, as I’ll soon say, Magolor Epilogue does nothing to circumvent  this. Magolor Epilogue Part 1 - Gameplay That’s right, a two parter! This is gonna be hard though, as I don’t know where my biases begin, and where they end. While this is obviously all subjective, I still would like some ground to stand on. So, I’m gonna start with what I like and what I think works. Let’s start with the bosses. Besides the marketing, which really should have its own section, they’re pretty cool! They innovate on the original bosses, Electicky Dooter is my favourite boss from this game. But it does suck they aren’t more original, or the fact the minibosses are still the same ones from Story and Extra Mode. It just makes the fact all the world bosses were spoiled for us hurt all the more. Next are Ordeal Doors. I love them. They work around the required upgrades so perfectly. Being able to know what the player will have means they can make memorable and fun stages. The regular stages are the exact inverse of this. They’re bland, forgettable, they have to work around the fact that you may never upgrade your abilities. I often see people praise the freedom the upgrade system provides, but I only see the inverse. It’s restrictive. The most the regular stages can do is play around with the boss abilities. However, those are often so weak, done so much better in the Ordeal Stages, or aren’t intuitive for movement that they can’t stand out. The combo system is much more interesting as a mechanic, and the game can properly play around with it, but the upgrades encapsulate everything I dislike about how it feels to play. No, everything I dislike with this whole Epilogue. Magolor Epilogue Part 2 - Tone and Story

I get it’s Kirby, but Kirby has done good and serious stories, so then why is Magolor Epilogue such tonal whiplash. The intro and tutorial capture it perfectly. Magolor almost died, he basically did. He lost his friends, his magic, he’s alone. Good thing he can think uppity thoughts! That’s unfair, I love his upgrade dialogue, I don’t want them to take away the humour, but there has to be some sort of middle ground! Make it clear his jokes are a form of coping, make the pause screens talk about his thoughts rather than vagueing towards Grand Doomer being the final boss 4 times in a row. Give us a look at how he actually feels!!! This is worse in the ending, we never see him actually feel guilt for what he’s done. We’re just told he’s redeemed now, we’re told that on a pause screen that’s not even accessible for 30 seconds!! It’s not even a case of show don’t tell, because they don’t even tell us anything! What I find worse is that he doesn’t even have to confront Kirby to apologise, not really, he literally gets to start living out his dream, stalling until the whole situation blows over until he just gets to show up on Pop Star, somehow, where there is barely any tension left. He gets off easy, he dies, and he gets rewarded for it. LITERALLY TOO!! I’ve never liked his Star Allies moveset. It was so clearly busted, that it felt like he’s stronger without the Master Crown. So in response to this, they canonise this moveset and it’s even more busted. It all comes back to the fact he’s constantly rewarded for his betrayal. He loses nothing. And it’s infuriating, because how am I supposed to expect him to be redeemed when he didn’t have to suffer for anything he did. Sure, he cries at the end of the mode, too bad we never know how he’s feeling anywhere else. They didn’t even answer how he got back to Pop Star, instead answering how he got to the Dream Kingdom. Idk about anyone else, but I just kinda assumed he got there with the Lor, the “real” answer doesn’t feel satisfying at all. He doesn’t even do anything interesting in the Clash games, nothing, not unless we get another Clash sequel. I just, I just wanted him to apologise to Kirby, but instead, it feels like HAL is doing everything in their power to make sure he doesn’t. The worst part is that I’m still hoping for that Clash sequel, I’m waiting for them to execute what they’ve set up, but I just don’t think it’s happening. I just wish I could see what everyone else sees in Epilogue, but I just can’t.

Merry Magoland

I guess I should wrap this up with Magoland. It’s not that bad, but I think it suffered the most from feeling slapped on with no real purpose. I like the Minigames, but I’m more talking about the park itself. I don’t like how it looks. It might just be because I’m not a fan of Magolor’s ego, or at least never saw it being this kind of ego, but it doesn’t work here for me. From what we’ve seen of Magolor’s work in the past, it’s always had this sort of child like aspect to it, like it was made with crayons and cardboard or building blocks. It created a nice aesthetic, albeit, a rather disconnected one, Drum Dash and Dream Collection look nothing alike. But to see them completely ignore what those two set up for a boring DisneyLand parody? Especially one played so positively? Idk, maybe I’m expecting too much asking for another “Capitalism is Bad'' metaphor, but still, Disney is very well known for being a garbage company so???? It’s funny how a place meant to look as innocent as possible is immersion breaking for being as innocent as possible. In reality, it’s not that bad, Manager Magolor acts nothing like Story Mode Magolor, but that’s a consistent thing with all his appearances so whatever I’ve grown to accept it. I just wish Dream Collection and Drum Dash got more love. Especially since Last Land of all things was referenced back in Dream Buffet, I still love that btw. Some sort of visual link might have helped, but even without them, I just think gaudy isn’t Magolor’s style? Like it totally is, but this brand of it doesn’t feel like him. However, I don’t write for him, idk his “true” personality, his “true” taste, maybe he likes Glitter and I can’t stop him. It just serves to make the new stuff feel out of place juxtaposed to the more natural, magical and mechanical settings of Story Mode.

And I guess that’s it, I never want to do this kinda thing again. Being this negative, although my true feelings, is just exhausting. I hope no one agrees with my issues, but if you do, hope it’s nice to see someone talk about it lol. I’m not giving up on this game though, I want to come back in a few months and see how my feelings have changed. I doubt it’ll fix everything, but I hope I can gain a new appreciation for this game, critiques and all. I guess thanks for reading as well, it means a lot to know people care about what I have to say.

[deyadee]

My Account(s) Got Deleted

I probably haven’t mentioned this before because honestly I was embarrassed for having one, but for the past few months- maybe since November, I had a TikTok account. Originally I made it so that eventually I could make YouTube videos because to that point I was horrified at hearing my own voice on recording. I figured if I could crap put some random video here and there I’d eventually be ok to move on to actually making bigger more essay-style videos.

After about 150ish videos I got decently popular with 500 followers, 38.3k likes, and 88k views on my top video with pretty consistent rates. Near the end I had 1000 views or more on even my not-as-great videos. I got a confidence boost from it getting comments saying I was actually pretty funny or was entertaining to watch. Since I never appeared on camera, only showing my hands and voicing over top of the footage I never got any comments about how fucking ugly and fat I was. I felt like I was actually good at something in my damn life for once. I mainly made videos about my hyper focuses, anime, monster high, movies things like that. I felt really happy when people would say they’d watch one of the weirder anime I talked about because I convinced them to.

Though a few days ago, I went to check my account first thing in the morning because I liked looking at the comments people had left on my videos after I fell asleep. Only instead I was met with an alternate account that I set up like two years ago for this unboxing series I was doing with a prompt that said my account had been reported for being too young. I’m fucking 21. How goddamn old do you need to be to post videos on a goddamn platform that has 90% fucking children? I went to refute it but when the screen popped up to input my actual age it just fucking disappeared. I spent the rest of the day miserable because there was nothing I could do. I asked for why I was fucking being removed and it just fucking shrugged and said “Oh well, you kind of sound like a kid. It’s your fault you should put in your bio your age and verify your account with your driver’s license and appear on camera.”

1. Who the fuck hears someone’s voice and just immediately assumes “Ah yes this is a fucking child, let’s report them” Thanks you fucking whore ass goddamn motherfucking bitch. I’m sure you think you’re doing the world a goddamn favor by getting rid of a random account. Not like a fucking kid couldn’t just make another account or go to another website. Which, if this website is supposedly for 14+, then why is all the fucking language and everything on there so fucking sanitized that it might as well be goddamn Sesame Street because goddamn forbid adults use bad words.

2. What fucking website makes you verify your age with your driver’s license? I know Facebook and every dick-sucking website has our personal information and there’s goddamn nothing we can do about it, but do you really need my fucking driver’s license? I’m sure you already have my fucking social security number, anything else you fucking pigs want?!? And bullshit it’s to “protect the children” 90% of your fucking customer base is children, is fucking over adults who want to use your goddam platform to make videos about anime so fucking bad for your goddamn bottom line? If you wanna protect the children so fucking badly why do you try to make it appeal to children so fucking bad and then fuck over people who SHOULD be allowed to use your goddamn app? WHY DO YOU NEED TO VERIFY MY ACCOUNT WITH MY PERSONAL GODDAMN INFORMATION USE THE FUCKING EMAIL VERIFICATION LIKE A NORMAL GODDAMN WEBSITE YOU BITCHES!

3. I goddamn hate the notion that “Oh well you should’ve shown your face” WHY SHOULD I BE FORCED TO SHOW MY FACE ON A SOCIAL MEDIA WEBSITE?!?! Am I not allowed to make short-form video content because I don’t show my face for everyone to call me a fat fucking ugly ass hog in the comments?!? I felt happy and confident about myself for once in my goddamn life and now “Oh well you should be born pretty otherwise you’re not suited to make entertainment”

I don’t care about the majority of my videos but some of them I was legitimately proud of and felt like I actually made good content. Some of my best videos are 5-7 minutes long and I didn’t save them because of how much memory it would take up on my phone. So now a lot of my best videos are gone forever. Deleted from history for fucking ever. Because of one goddamn bitch.

I tried to refute the claims but all it did was say that I violated multiple community guidelines even though I read through each one and didn’t find a single goddamn one that I could’ve infringed on. The only one that could’ve was nudity because I have a Nendoroid of En Yufuin from Cute High Earth Defense Club Love that has a body that you can switch out that has a long towel wrapped around his waist which would count because his nipples are out. Two flat dots on a piece of plastic. AND HE’S A DUDE BY THE WAY! I see whores on that app all the time with their tits and ass out but I can’t have a figure show up for two fucking seconds in the background of a video?!

I thought about moving over to YouTube but I tried uploading some of my videos on there and they got fucking 0 on everything, I might as well have uploaded nothing. My content is too long to be a short and too short to be those five hour long iceberg “deep dive” videos that just list the most bare bone info that you can get from glancing a wiki article’s thumbnail. My content doesn’t work on YouTube. TikTok is for shitting out content that isn’t that high quality but is fun to watch and kill 1-5 minutes of time. YouTube is sitting and watching huge ass highly edited videos of someone reading off a script. Not that I can’t make those videos (at least the reading a script part), I just feel I’m better at making short to medium length videos about recommending weird anime or just ranting about something that comes to mind. On YouTube you have to actively CHOOSE to watch videos, on TikTok you’re force-fed them. Out of all the highly edited, high quality, longer videos on YouTube mine is just shit. People have had YEARS to perfect how to get people to click on their videos, while I record random videos of staring at a shelf and mumbling about some new thing.

I mustered up enough confidence to try again and make a second account. I uploaded about 6 videos that I quadruple-checked to make sure were safe and baby-proofed as possible, only for it to get taken down after 4 days. Again it says I have multiple community guidelines violations when I read the fuckers up and down to make sure everything I had was squeaky fucking clean and it still wasn’t good enough. Unless that same fucking skank that fucked me over the first time came by to fuck me over again.

I can’t do it all again. I feel crushed. I don’t think I could ever get to that same level my first account had. I feel like this is a sign from the universe saying “Stay down. Go back to working at the fucking dollar store and letting your dreams die.” I know I wasn’t anywhere near actually getting paid for my work or having some kind of fanbase but I finally felt proud of myself for something I did only for it to crumble to the ground again. Why should I make another account? It’ll just get deleted for no fucking reason. Why try YouTube? I can’t compete. Why put my ugly fucking face on camera if I know everyone will skip right past because even the scum on the bottom of the gutter looks more pleasing to the eye. I can’t do this anymore. I hate feeling like I’m finally good at something, feeling like o have something to live for only my entire existence to prove to be useless other than being a fucking cosmic punching bag. I’ve been trying to be more positive, surround myself with more positive media and content, but it’s all for fucking nothing. Look on the bright side of fucking what? That I exist to die. That I exist to be fucking nothing. That everyone and everything else has a purpose and I’m just here to mooch off of my fucking parents until I finally stop being such a goddamn pussy and end it all?

I know if I wasn’t scared of pain and needles and knives then I’d would’ve been dead years ago but me being too much of a pussy has got me here. WHY AM I STILL FUCKING HERE?

How do you reach out for help when you know you’ll just make it worse? How do you try to climb up from the ashes if you’re just going to burn and burn and burn and fucking burn until you finally stop getting up?

I try to believe in the fucking “indomitable human spirit” but I don’t fucking have it because I’m not goddamn human. Normal goddamn humans can get back up and keep going. Normal fucking humans don’t have to run off to their little suicide blog and bitch like a fucking child because they didn’t get heir fucking way. Other people can accept what they’re destined for and where they’ll end up, or if they can’t they can fight and win. You never hear stories about those who gave up because they’re dead and forgotten.

I probably won’t do it this time because I never have. I get so close. I grab it. I hold it. I aim it at my head, but I can never bring myself to do it because I’m scared I’m gonna fuck it up and end up paralyzed and praying for death every day of my life but no one will answer. Just another sob story.

Maybe I’ll finally get what they call an “NPC mode” where you just go mentally blank and live like a goldfish. Moving to live. Breathing to live. Creating just to get by. Eating to live. Living because there’s nothing else to do.

ADDING ON:

I went on vacation with my little sisters this week and I think I came out worse than when it started. I mean besides losing my account and self esteem, I swear every time my little sister speaks it’s just to sink the knife in deeper.

“So how old are you going to be? 22? EWWW THAT’S OLD!”

“I thought you were supposed to be the tall one in the family”

“Yeah because I have friends and go outside unlike you”

“At least I don’t wear the same outfits everyday. Jean shorts, Emo t-shirt, and hat to hide your balding head”

“Why won’t you watch this with me, you don’t love me you hate me how come when I talk to you you get angry”

I know most of them are jokes but it just felt like every time she was genuinely trying to make me die more inside. I’m too fat, I’m going bald, I have no fashion sense, I dare to get angry after being bitched at constantly, I’m useless, I’m old, I’m wasting my life, I have no friends, I have no job. I swear I’m ready to just fucking smack her I’m so fucking done. I can’t tell my family or they just say I’m being a little soft bitch that can’t take a joke. “What, you’re offended? Ok, nobody make fun of Deyadee, you’ll hurt her feelings! What 22-year-old can’t take a joke from a 14-year-old?”

I just can’t fucking take it, I just wanna shut myself off from the world so I don’t have to deal with it. But since I live in the same house and I’m mooching off my parents there’s nothing I can do but wait until I’m alone to cry. Because I can’t make it a problem that I don’t like something. I can’t say that I hate myself. I can’t say that a fucking child is making me cry myself to sleep every night. I already constantly think about how much I fucking hate everything about myself, I don’t need an hourly reminder on any day that I’m relatively happy. It’s like she specifically watches me to know when would be the best moment to crush me so I can’t do anything. When we’re in the car and I’m singing a song she’ll say “You look at the legs and you look like a child, waist and you look like a fat kid, and face you look like a middle-aged woman” and then be fucking surprised when I don’t respond and just think about carving myself up with a butcher’s knife. I go quiet and don’t respond because I’m just trying to keep myself from seeming like it affects me but it always does. God I just wanna die.

[redrosesshadowwolf]

Isn't it wonderful when your body feels the same type of nausea whether it's cause you need to eat or shouldn't eat?

Like I had a snack earlier. A little while after I felt nauseous and it hasn't gone away. So either I need to actually eat dinner. Or my body is telling me that if I put any more food in it it's gonna riot.

So yeah at this current moment I'm not feeling exclusively fine.

Just a bit under the weather till I decide to take the 50/50 chance and probably make myself feel worse.

I supposed I could test the waters by eating another snack instead of dinner. Perhaps it shall oust the actual conditions regarding my sudden and "unexpected" bout of nausea?

This just happened sometimes. And thats why I know it's a 50/50

Of course the fact that I ate a snack a little while beforehand was one of the conditions to know it was a 50/50

Otherwise I'd bet it was closer to a 25/75 chance if I hadn't eaten food that 75 was on my body requesting food.

I should stop snacking when I get home to hold me over till dinner. I should just eat dinner earlier.

Alas I am already comfy in bed(disregarding the nausea that is) and have no reason to go take the chance on the eating being what fixes me.

So I'll just sleep it off, I eat good breakfasts even if I forget about dinner sometimes.

Can't belive I'm announcing intention to sleep before it becomes late, or early.

But it seems it has finally come to such a situation where my body requests slumber upon a normal and appropriate time for such a thing.

Here's to hoping my mind does not mourn the twilight hours I shall miss. They tend to be the best of my time. Farwell my previous goal of finishing that essay amidst the sound of crickets and under the glare of the moon. It seems you shall wait till the sun rises for tangible efforts

Which I know evade me under the suns gaze often enough. A shame, truly.

But my eyes grow heavy and my body is past a state of weariness. So I shall indeed fall to slumber....eventually. but for now if I keep typing my mind is just occupied enough that I can keep my eyes focused upon the screen.

Not that my eyes are the main challenge. I can stay awake long after my eyes have shut for the evening due to the weight imposed on them.

Yet I suppose it is easier to fall asleep with one's eyes sufficiently closed.

Ugh I actually am tired though and I know that when I roll over to plug my phone in it may wake me up a bit and then this whole thing will have been for nothing as I sit quietly for hours to hopefully pass out. 🙃

[superstition13]

So I have a University assignment due at midnight, which I have absolutely zero motivation to do, but it did inspire this little piece.

Distractions

//AKA Dabi Distracts You From Your Work 💙

Dabi x Female Reader (NSFW)

Genre: smut, porn with very little plot involved, fluff

Includes: biting, unprotected sex, hair pulling, cock warming, teasing, pet names, fingering, crying (pleasure), after care, Dabi’s piercings

You can’t tell me that Dabi isn’t the type of guy who would gladly use sex as a means of distracting you from your work

Especially if he feels as though you’re paying too much attention to it and not him

And if you’re a university student, he would definitely fuck your brains out instead of letting you finish an assignment that he knew you had due

Maybe you make the mistake of letting him sit in your desk chair while you sit on his lap, so at least you can be close to him

He’d start off with his chin resting on his shoulder and his arms wrapped loosely around your waist, but it wouldn’t take long for his hands to begin to wander

One hand would drift down to your inner thigh, and begin tracing feather light patterns along the exposed skin he found there with the tips of his fingers, teasingly close to where you really want him to touch you

Meanwhile, his other hand has slipped under your shirt and is now toying with your nipples

And while all this is going on, you’re still desperately trying your best to concentrate, but it’s becoming increasingly harder for you to focus on typing out an essay when your boyfriend’s hands are doing sinful things to your body

It��s when he starts trailing his lips along your neck, nipping, sucking, and leaving tiny bruises behind that you give in to his touches

Dabi’s hand leaves its place on your thigh and his thumb hooks around the waist band of the skimpy pair of gym shorts you’d decided to wear around the house that day

You raise your hips, just enough for him to slide them down to your knees, where they fall and drop to the floor

He pops open the button on his jeans, and you swear you can feel yourself getting just that little bit wetter at the loud sound his zipper makes in the otherwise quiet apartment

His hands go to your hips, and he lowers you onto his achingly hard cock

A small gasp escapes your lips, you’d been careful not to brush up against his dick while you were working, not wanting to encourage Dabi’s teasing

You’d known he was horny, obviously, but you hadn’t realised how hard he truly was

The two of you moan when he’s fully sheathed inside your heat

You expect him to start bouncing you up and down on his cock, but when he doesn’t you figure he wants you to be the one taking charge

Instead, his hands tighten around you warningly, and he keeps you seated firmly in his lap

“Don’t you have something to do, princess?”

“But I thought-”

“You thought wrong angel.”

You can practically hear the smirk in his voice, knowing full well that if you turn your head to look at him, you’ll see one on his face

“Consider this your punishment for ignoring me.”

Part of you can’t believe Dabi is making you finish your assignment instead of fucking you, especially when his cock is buried inside you

Another part of you can totally believe it, knowing all too well what a tease your boyfriend can be

He sits back and begins drawing lazy circles around your throbbing clit

Somehow, you manage to type out a paragraph, and you think that maybe you can do this

Until Dabi decides to flex beneath you, the seemingly innocent movement making his dick twitch inside of you, driving you crazy from the stimulation

You could have tears rolling down your cheeks as you beg him to bend you over your desk and just fuck you already

Instead, he’d have the audacity to coo softly in your ear:

“Come on baby girl, I thought you needed to concentrate?”

But the moment you finish that assignment and submit it to your Professor, he’s pulling out of you and standing up so fast that the chair he’d been sitting on falls over backwards

He quickly manages to get rid of the few articles of clothing the two of you have left between you

Before you know it, Dabi has you bent over the desk, one hand tangled in your hair and the other at your hip in a grip so tight that it's bound to leave bruises. He thrusts into you rapidly, setting a brutal pace. The sounds of skin on skin slapping together, and the obscene noise your cunt makes as he fucks into you fills the air of the studio apartment you share with him.

It takes an embarrassingly short amount of time for you to cum around Dabi’s cock, already pent up and overflowing from almost an hour's worth of Dabi teasing you. Your thighs are glistening as you let go, screaming his name so loudly that your neighbours are sure to file another noise complaint against the two of you come the evening. He releases his grip on your hair, trailing his fingers down your body until they rest between your thighs, and begin to draw circles around your clit once more. Gone are the slow, teasing touches from earlier his only focus is on making you scream out his name out for a second time before he cums. Dabi leans forward, his chest pressing flush against yours back, practically laying on top of you as he rails you without mercy. You realise that you can feel the cold metal of his nipple piercings pressing into your back, and the mental image it conjures makes you clench around him. Dabi lets out a soft groan, his lips brushing the shell of your ear.

“Fuck sweetheart, you have no idea how good you feel wrapped around me,” he pants, his voice breathy as it caresses your neck. “So good and tight for me, fuck. Come again angel, one more time, I wanna hear you scream my name.”

“God Dabi, yes! Yes! Yes!” You whine, trailing off into a hiss at one particularly hard thrust. “Right there baby, I’m so close, fuck!”

Without missing a beat, he shifts himself slightly, angling his cock in a way that Dabi knew would have you seeing stars and hurtling over that precipice you were dangling from. You were convinced you could feel the tip of him pounding against your cervix, dragging deliciously against your walls in all his pierced glory as he brushed past that sweet spot hidden inside of you with each and every punishing thrust. This new angle, abusing your g-spot while his fingers danced over clit, your nipples being teased as they were dragged and pushed across the surface of your desk; All of it was proving to be too much for you. That coil deep inside of you winding tighter and tighter, rendering you all but incoherent. Your tipping point however, was when your boyfriend sunk his teeth into the junction of your shoulder and neck. It wasn't quite hard enough to break the skin, but you knew without a doubt that he would leave one hell of a mark. The pain from his teeth sends pleasure arcing through your body like waves of electricity, going straight to your pussy, causing that tightly wound coil to snap as you threw yourself from the edge you had been hanging onto for dear life.

"Fuck Dabi, I'm coming, FUCK!" You sobbed, cheeks feeling suspiciously wet. The way your pussy fluttered around him was exactly what Dabi needed to find his own release, his pace becoming more and more erratic as he continued to thrust into you, working you both through the shared orgasm. Your name left Dabi’s mouth in a loud moan that was practically pornographic. He came inside of you, painting your walls with his seed, your combined release already beginning to seep out of you from the sheer amount of cum he was pumping into your cunt.

Eventually, his thrusts come to a halt. Your face was pressed uncomfortably against your desk, and you were pretty sure there was a pen trapped beneath you, but at that moment you didn't quite have it in yourself to care. Your mind was pleasantly fogged over from the post orgasm haze, and had someone asked for your name in that given moment, it probably would have taken you a few minutes to recall.

The first thing you became aware of, was Dabi pressing a series of gentle kisses to your neck, paying particular attention to the large bite mark he had left in the heat of the moment. It throbbed slightly, but not unpleasantly so, soothed by the delicate pressure of his lips. Slowly, he pulled out, a small noise of displeasure escaping you at the sudden emptiness you felt with the absence of his cock. He pulled you up, and guided you gently over to the bed where the two of you collapsed together. His arms encircled your waist, gathering you up against his chest. Fingers began to play with your hair as your awareness slowly began to return, Dabi's lips now pressed gently to the top of your head.

"That was..." you trailed off, still slightly breathless.

"Yeah." He agreed, tracing patterns along your skin.

"I'm going to need a shower," you winced, feeling his cum already beginning to dry on you. You already dreaded the idea of getting up to leave the bed, knowing that by the time you did, your limbs would be feeling like jelly and there would surely be an ache settled between your thighs.

"Not yet," your boyfriend breathed. "I'll get up and get us a towel in a minute. Just, lie here with me for now, okay?"

"Okay," you murmured against him, not needing too much convincing.

"Maybe I should help you with your work more often, princess," he suggested, but was met with no reply. Dabi craned his neck to look down at you, only to realise that you had managed to fall asleep in his embrace.

Here’s that tag you asked for lovely, hope you enjoyed my first attempt at writing smut.

@simpforsadbois 💜

[seravph]

what r your tips that u used to write a college essay 💪

Omg I have soooo many but it’s been a minute so lemme try to remember

Remember that a college essay is basically an argumentative essay, and should be treated like one. You need to provide EVIDENCE and TIE YOUR EVIDENCE TOGETHER throughout your essay. It’s not enough to say “I worked hard throughout high school by joining extracurricular and working jobs.” You have to be specific and intentional - what extracurriculars? What jobs? What did you learn? How can what you learned be applied to your higher education?

IDK how to say this but honestly just be good at writing man IDK. The person reading your essay has read a thousand essays. Here is an example from my senior Lang teacher - Instead of saying “I learned to balance school and work by working school nights at Ben & Jerry’s,” she said “when all my other peers are fast asleep, I’m scooping ice cream after a long day of studying.” This is more attention grabbing, it has a voice, and it makes you into a more interesting human narrator rather than an infodumping machine

Remember that not only is this an ARGUMENTATIVE ESSAY, this is a NARRATIVE ESSAY. The essay should conclude with a resolution of some sort - what did you learn from this experience? How has this experience shaped who you are today?

Good questions to ask yourself while writing: who cares? Why does this detail matter? What purpose does this serve? Why does it matter that you were in 4 extracurriculars - you have to explain the significance of this experience.

Do not be cliche. Being cliche is absolutely the worst thing can do because it demonstrates that you are not unique, and colleges do not want someone who does not stand out.

Try to include specifics about each college; I.e, different programs, clubs, and courses that are offered, to demonstrate that you actually care about attending that school.

Don’t be boastful, be poignant. This ties back to providing evidence. You can’t just claim to be hardworking and cool and life changing and awesome. You have to explain how you are, and why that matters, while also remaining subtle enough to be trustworthy.

Use EVERY SINGLE WORD. I cannot stress this enough. Use every single word. If you use half of the required word count, there are a thousand other students that have used all the words to drive their point home. You already aren’t given enough words to be effective, you may as well use what you’ve been given.

I probably have more, but this is just off the top of my head. Good luck!!!!

[tnystrk-exe]

Estocolmo

Hannibal x Reader

Masterpost

Warnings: Smut 18+ thigh riding, fingering, oral, daddy kink, plot to make up for my first attempt at writing smut.

Word count: 6.8k

Chapter One

“Fucking hell.” You sighed as you looked at the still tall stack of essays that needed grading. “I’m never getting through this.”

Your stomach grumbled, signaling it was time for a break. Stretching, the quiet was interrupted by the sound of your bone’s protest from sitting in one position for hours. It was nights like these you had regretted your choices. Sure you had known Professor Jacob loved to torture his students with too much work, but when you took the job as his assistant you assumed that he’d shoulder some of the weight. A ridiculous thought now that you’ve experienced working with him. Why should he even think of grading an assignment when he had a perfect little lackey doing it for him? That was a non question. He had been strict about the work not leaving his office, which meant you had accidentally fallen asleep in his office more than often than you would have liked. The pile of work never seemed to diminish. 

Walking out the office, you thought briefly of the joy you would feel when you’d never have to see it again. These long corridors would be a thing of the past in just a few, short months. Then you’d probably go to the city and struggle for a while but at least you would be free from here. As much as you prided yourself for getting through the first round of college, the walls of the building gave you more of an annoyed feeling than anything. 

Pushing open the door to the teachers lounge, you made a beeline for the fridge. The leftover pizza already seemed like a feast until you noticed it was nowhere to be seen. “Hannibal,” you whined to the empty room as you closed the fridge. 

“Yes, darling?” 

You startled, immediately turning around to face him, a mischievous smile was plastered on his lips. Usually your missing dinner meant to head over to his office. It wasn’t typical, but the two of you had managed a comfortable friendship between the shared late nights. Though, you suspected he’d stay longer than necessary to accompany you in the empty building. “Would you mind telling me where my dinner went, handsome?” You asked, raising a brow at him.

“Old pizza can hardly be considered dinner. Come,” he motioned to sit next to him at the table, “I’ve got a better meal prepared for you nonetheless.”

“Or maybe you just need to learn to appreciate the simple things,” you quipped as you took your seat.

“And you, the finer.”

You gave him an obvious look over, “I’d say I appreciate you plenty enough.” 

Being so forward wasn’t usually in your cards. However Hannibal had always been a gentleman and it had been fun to tease at him a bit. He never complained, often just acknowledging what you said with a raised brow or chuckle. Still there was always some truth in jokes and you’d be lying to say that he was anything less than tempting. Especially in the dark grey suit and dried blood red shirt of his. ‘No�� wouldn’t come to mind if he ever offered.

“Naughty, Miss LN,” he chided you, “What shall we do with you?”

“What do you want to do with me?”

“Eat your dinner,” he said, humor in his voice as he shook his head.

You choked back a comment about him just wanting to see your mouth stuffed, deciding it was too much of a push. Instead you just opened the lunchbox he placed in front of you. Hannibal watched you expectantly as you took a bite of the meat.

Closing your eyes, you savored the bite. It had been a while since you had something home cooked. “Han... I’m going to miss you most. I don’t know what I’m gonna do without you. Delicious, as always.”

“I’m sure you’ll do just fine.” He went back to work on his own stack of papers as you ate. “Though, I’m not sure I’m ready to allow you to live off street food once we part.”

“Guess we’re gonna have to find me another man that insists on throwing away my perfectly good food to serve me home cooked meals.”

Hannibal left some remarks on a paper before pushing it to the side. “You could always come learn a few things. Maybe I’ll rest better knowing you know how to make yourself a couple of decent meals. Any guesses for the meat?”

It was a strange guessing game, but you indulged him, he was just eccentric. “Oh, definitely human,” you teased, making sure to pick up some spinach and artichoke in the next bite, “Probably had a boring name like David.”

“Close. It was Richard,” he corrected. 

“Beef, it was the Rolex of all farm animals hand picked by you and I’m very grateful you shared some with me,” you smiled at him, “So how are things going with Baltimore?”

“I’ve found a beautiful home. The office, however, seems to be harder to find.”

“I’m sure you’ll find the perfect one.” Your phone started ringing. Grabbing it from your pocket, you looked at the screen. Mom. “They’re making this unnecessarily difficult,” you sighed to yourself. 

Hannibal looked at you with peaked interest as you shut off your phone and pushed it away. “Is something troubling you?”

“My parents aren’t taking too kindly to the no contact rule. It’s the tenth call today.”

“You’ve cut them off?”

“I thought about what you had said,” you shrugged, “I’m tired of always having to get them out of troubles and be their ATM when I don’t have enough for myself. It’s just too much on me right now. Between school assignments, Jacob’s work pile, and my other part time, it’s all just suffocating. They keep trying to use my grandfather’s death as a leverage to make me feel bad about not talking to them now, but they just want some money. I don’t want to feel guilty about this but I can’t help it.”

“Don’t,” he placed his hand over yours, “You deserve to feel taken care of and appreciated. They aren’t providing you with that now. Especially now when they use the death of the person who raised you as leverage,” he shook his head, making a disgusted sound, “It’s for your own well-being that you take some time to breathe and be young. They provide too much stress…” Hannibal fell silent. “I’ve suggested this before but i-“

You gave his hand a gentle squeeze before pulling away. “I’m not taking your money. We’re friends. Money complicates things. Muddies the waters.”

“Friends help each other,” he reminded you, “I’ve already told you I wouldn’t want any payment.”

“But I’d still feel like I owe you.” You shook your head, “It wouldn’t feel right to me. I’m fine. I promise. Though, if you’re so willing to help me with something, I wouldn’t say no to those cooking lessons. They could be fun.”

He spared you a smile, “It would be my pleasure to teach you what I know.”

“And I’d never deny your pleasure,” your mouth spoke before you could think about it, “Sorry.”

“I don’t deny myself pleasure either,” he said, amused. “You’re fine. Now, how about we meet on Sunday? I’ll have time to figure out a full meal and gather all of the ingredients.”

“Great!” You ignored the heat that still lingered on your face, “I- um, do you need me to bring anything?”

“Nothing at all, I’ll make sure to take care of everything. All you need to do, sweet girl, is bring yourself and an appetite.”

You stifled a pleased smile at the term of affection. “I’ll make sure to do that,” sparing a glance to the clock, you frowned, “I should probably get back to work on those essays.”

“Why don’t we work on them together?” He suggested. “My colleague is notorious for drowning you in his work. I can help you sort through it all and you can have a restful Saturday without Micheal’s added stress.”

“I really can’t ask that of you. You already have enough work as it is.”

“We’ll work together. First your work, then mine. What happened to never denying my pleasure?” 

Your eyes widened, but you laughed all the same. Maybe a while more in his company wouldn’t be so bad. “Fine. Hold me to my words, but it’s only going to cause you a headache. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. These new kids are… something else.”

“They’re nothing,” he stood, grabbing his papers in one hand, “Meet me in my office. We can be more comfortable there and I may have stowed away a bottle of wine.”

“What would I do without you Doctor Lecter?”

-

“You have arrived at your destination,” the robotic voice informed you as you parked.

You took in the mansion of a home. It was too big for someone that lived alone. The thought made you shiver. Homes should be filled with life, not empty space. Then again, he was a fan of dinner parties, extravagant ones at that, so you supposed there was life in those walls on occasion. The home itself reminded you of the houses in old movies. Ones where the lightning would strike at just the right moment as a warning to stay away. But this was real life and there was no lightning, just a sun setting on a near perfect day. 

Without a warning telling you to keep away, you grabbed the gift bag and stepped out of your car. He had said to bring nothing, but you couldn’t resist a simple gift. The ties in the bag had taken out a decent chunk from your pocket, but he deserved them. Between agreeing to give you cooking lessons and helping you out with grading every so often, the simple pieces of fabric meant nothing. Besides, it was a two way gift, he’d get more of the patterned ties he was fond of and you’d get to see him in the darker colors you liked on him, knowing he’d feel compelled to wear them to show you his gratitude.

Knocking on the door, you waited a couple of minutes before he emerged. “YN, just in time. Please, come in,” he stepped to the side, “I’ve looked forward to this all day.”

You smiled and stepped past him. “I have too. Entertained myself a bit today by finding you a gift.” 

“Darling, you shouldn’t have.”

Nervousness bit at you slightly, a bit self conscious they’d be too cheap for his taste. Too late to back out of it, you handed over the bag. “You’ve always been so kind and I really appreciate everything. Let me do something for you.”

He set the bag on the nearby table, laying out the ties to get a better look at them.  “They’re all lovely,” he ran a finger across the fabric of a maroon one, “Fond of me in darker colors, YN?”

“What can I say?” You shrugged, “We catch ourselves spending a lot of time together. Why not make you a decent piece of eye candy?”

“Inappropriate,” he chided you, before signaling you to follow after him.

“You just wear them so well, Doctor Lecter.”

Shrugging off his navy suit coat, he draped it over a chair, making quick work of rolling up his sleeves. “Ready to get your hands dirty, my little sous-chef?”

“What are we making?” You asked, looking at his kitchen wide eyed. It was definitely bigger than your measly studio apartment. 

“Frisee aux lardons, duck with a pomegranate-citrus glaze. I took the liberty of preparing a blood orange sorbet for dessert.”

“I have a proposal.”

“Yes?”

“We don’t do any of that and just have dessert for dinner.”

“No,” he gave you an amused glance, “There’s more pleasure in waiting for things. Why don’t you start washing up the vegetables and I’ll start preparing the duck?”

You stuck your tongue out at his back but set to your work. “This is what I get for befriending a charming old guy.”

“Keep going the way you are and our next meal together will be langue d’Agneau en papillote.”

“That can’t be a threat if I don’t know what that means,” you quipped, setting aside an endive. 

“It means, darling,” he pointed his knife at you, “The fondness I feel for you is an inconvenience. Nonetheless, it’s welcomed.”

You smiled at him brightly, as you brought the washed vegetables over to him. “I’m fond of you too, but you gotta stop flirting and teach me how we’re gonna cook Daffy here.”

He motioned for you to grab a cutting board and a knife of your own. The two of you worked in quiet harmony, occasionally he’d tell you exactly why he was doing something a certain way or just give you simple instructions and let you have a hands on feel of exactly how to prepare something. It was nice to see him in his element. Hannibal seemed much more content in his kitchen than any where you had seen him at the college. Eventually he set his work to the side and washed his hands. 

“You’re cutting them too thick. Thinner is better for this dish.” He stepped behind you, “Do you mind?”

“Go ahead.” You attempted to move to the side, but Hannibal had already caged you in between himself and the counter. His cologne was different from the one you were accustomed to him wearing, but the subtle spice of it gave a more homey feeling to him. 

Hannibal grabbed your hand that had yet to  let go of the knife. He made sure to show you how to cut them the right thickness. “See? A little thing can unbalance everything.”

“Hm,” you hummed, catching yourself relaxed against the man, his frame strong against yours, “I don’t see much of a difference. Pretty sure this is just your variation of a putter.”

“You assume I have hidden motives,” He acknowledged, looking down at you, “And if there were any?”

Taking the bait, you pressed a kiss to the side of his jaw. “I wouldn’t be too upset.”

His head dipped into your shoulder, taking in a breath. “What happened to not wanting to bring on complications in our friendship?”

“We only have weeks left with each other,” you shrugged, “There wouldn’t be any complications. Not really.”

“We really should get back to making our dinner, darling,” he sighed, almost seeming reluctant to pull away, “What else did you did you do today?””

It took you a second to respond, still shaking off the embarrassment. You weren’t sure what had compelled you to do that. When you looked up at him you grimaced. Grabbing a napkin, you carefully wiped away the lingering lipstick. “The ties were the more interesting part of the day, I didn’t plan anything eventful. Honestly most of my day was taken with trying to recall the shop you mentioned that carried the ones you liked.”

He hummed in appreciation, “You also managed to pick out two I have had my eye on. I’ve got new suits coming in soon that will pair perfectly.”

You beamed at that, happy he did actually like what you had chosen. “Lucky guess. It was difficult remembering the ones I had seen you wear.”

Hannibal made to grab some ingredients and set them on the counter near the stove. “Have your parents tried calling you this weekend?”

You sighed, sure you didn’t have to tell him the truth but you wanted to, he had a compelling thing to him that made it easy to just speak. “I sent them money for rent. Which was honestly the dumbest thing I’ve done in a while.”

“It wasn’t idiotic,” he stated, setting to work on making the pomegranate sauce as you watched, “They’re you’re parents. It’s only natural you worry about them. Though, I do worry they’ll think of you as a person that doesn’t stick to her word.”

“I know, I really meant to, but the thought of them out on the street. It’s not my responsibility, but I’m just so used to being their adult.”

“It’s difficult to detransition. You worry for them as they should worry for you.”  He checked over a pan he had been heating, “That’s perfect. If you could please..” Grabbing the plate with the duck you set them on the pan. “With duck it’s important to render off the fat. A low heat is necessary.”

You nodded, “Low and slow, got it... You know, I’m not sure they worry about me at all. I mean- I know they don’t. It should hurt, but it’s just a fact of life.”

“They didn’t give you an opportunity to be a child. When you were supposed to be in the most carefree moments of your life, they burdened you with the responsibilities of an adult.” He held out a spoon with some of the pomegranate sauce for you to taste. “Any pain the notion inflicted on you has been killed with time.”

“There are still moments though. Suppose that’s common enough, isn’t it Doc?” You leaned in, allowing him to feed you, “That tastes amazing. I really should have paid attention.”

“It’s simple, I’ll write it out for you later.” Casting the sauce aside, he set a pot of water to boil. “Very common. We aren’t too dissimilar when it comes to how quickly we had to grow up. Very different reasons, but the fall out isn’t much different. Our paths left us in places where we’re very much alone.”

“What happened?” You asked, realizing that he had known a great deal of your family and you had known nothing more past how his day had gone or his preference of coffee. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I don’t.” Hannibal went to fill two glasses with wine. “I was very young when my parents died. My father had implemented in me that, if anything were to happen, I was to take care of my mother and sister. Which meant I had grown fiercely protective of Mischa when the time came. Soon I was acting more as her father than a brother.”

“Where’s Mischa now?” You asked, knowing at the very least she had to be in her late twenties.

His lips set into a frown, he took a quick drink. “Lost her sometime after. There was a lapse of judgement on my part and she suffered because of it. My days have often been shrouded by the thought that I could have done better by her. The ways I failed burdens me significantly.”

You rubbed his arm sympathetically. “I couldn’t even begin to imagine that pain.”

“It’s something I never wish to experience again. Losing someone you love so dearly, it changes a person.”

“I’m sure you tried your best. You’re a good man. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that when you were so young.”

“You think too highly of me,” he patted your hand on his arm, “Far better than I deserve. Still if my childhood had taught me anything, it’s to value those I hold dear. Such as yourself.” 

“I’m glad we found each other. Even if it is for a short while.” You watched as he stepped back into the rhythm of cooking. Maybe you weren’t any help to him but watching him work was comforting. 

He raised a brow, “Just because the amount of time we physically see each other will diminish, doesn’t mean we need to completely break apart. I’d like to have you at my dinner table later in life.”

“I’d like it if we kept in touch,” you replied, looking at a small box on the counter. The small black beads glimmered in the light, calling at you to take a peek. A neat row of recipe cards in his impeccable penmanship, numbered as high as 120 but there could have been more. “That’s sweet,” you mused, looking at the back of a card, noticing a couple had business cards on them, “You keep track of your friends’ favorites like this?”

“Friends, acquaintances, business partners. It’s difficult remembering everyone’s preferences. When I have dinner parties I like to make sure there’s a bit of something for everyone.”

“Hm, well I’m sorry I don’t have a card for you to have.”

When everything was said and done, you helped Hannibal set up the plates to have dinner. The conversation became light as you laughed along to the better memories of Mischa. From his smile it was easy to see he adored the usually shy girl. You never pressed on to find out how she died, simply choosing to bask in his soft smiles and laughter instead of entertaining curiosity. It was easy to see he rarely talked about her and you were grateful that he found that much comfort in you.

Some time later he was sitting at his harpsichord, playing a self composed melody as you browsed his shelves. There was an almost familiar calm in the air, like this was a usual happening and it would simply just happen again. A naturally reoccurring moment. You found comfort in his presence too. 

You looked up from the shelves when you heard his sigh. “I can’t seem to master this melody,” he stated, “The ending never sounds right.” The annoyed demeanor contradicted his lax look. At least lax for him. His vest and suit jacket had been discarded a while ago leaving him with a popped button, loosened tie, and rolled up sleeves. “I may just leave this one in the air.”

“Sounds perfect to me,” you said, walking over to him, “Though we can be our own worst critics. I know I’m mine.”

“It sounds… forced. Almost as if it’s reluctant to work with me.”

“Forced things just need time.” You placed your hand on his shoulders, digging in your thumbs to relieve the tension you felt. A soft groan as he let his head lull back to rest against your stomach. “Time is all you need sometimes. I thought you would have learned that already, old man.”

He opened his eyes, raising a brow at you. “Always with that mouth.”

You smiled down on him fondly, something- probably the wine in your system -thought about pressing a kiss to his forehead right then. “What can I say? It has a mind of its own.”

“I do prefer when it’s otherwise occupied,” he stated, closing his eyes again.

Your fingers dug a little deeper at that, caught off guard. “And yet.”

Hannibal played a couple soft notes, seemingly testing the waters for his next attempt at getting it to sound right. “And yet.” The first melody seemed almost innocent, but was followed by a second seemingly stalking after it. “Would you mind putting on a record? It seemed I’ve grown bored with music of my own.”

“Sure thing, Han.” Giving his shoulders one final squeeze you pulled away from him. At the record table you browsed through his selection. Hannibal was still composing as you decided to go with a record that looked more worn than the others, figuring something well loved would help him out of his frustrated state. Setting it on the platter, you gave it a brief once over with the anti static brush, knowing he’d probably be attentive to that type of thing, and dropped the needle. The music filled the air as you took in the melody. “Very you.”

He let out a soft chuckle, abandoning the harpsichord, in favor walking over to you. “Very me, indeed.” Hannibal took the record sleeve out of your hand, setting it down on the table. The music’s build up reached. “Would you give me the honor?” His hand was stretched out toward you.

You gave him a sheepish smile, “Afraid I’m going to have to disappoint. I’m not much of a dancer.”

“I’ve been told I’m a wonderful teacher,” he pressed, a charming smile on his lips, “We all start somewhere. Let me be yours.”

A soft laugh bubbled from you as you took in his look of boyish excitement. “You’re not allowed to complain when I step on your toes.” You placed your hand in his. 

He gave a gentle squeeze to your hand. “If you’re too terrible, I’ll show you the way I taught Mischa. You can stand on my toes as I try to help you commit the movements into muscle memory.”

“Handsome and a comedian.”

“I try my best.” Hannibal gave you a gentle spin as he pulled you closer. A kiss was pressed to your hand before he placed it on his shoulder. “Now, just follow after me,” he instructed, placing his hand on your hip.

The moment could have made you fall for the man as you danced with him throughout the room. Toothy smiles and teasing winks were sent your way the couple of times you stepped on his toe. Soon enough, you figured out the pace and learned how to follow through with his unspoken plans. Still, ever the novice, you managed to place your foot in a way that sent you both stumbling to the floor.

Hannibal held you close to his chest, ensuring you didn’t get hurt in the fall. “Oh my sweet girl,” he laughed, “we are going to need more practice.”

You hid your face against his neck, ignoring the fact that he could feel how hot your face was getting. “You want more of that?”

“You were doing perfect, YN,” he stroked your hair sympathetically, “One misstep isn’t something to be embarrassed about.”

Taking a deep breath, you shifted off of the older man, opting to sit beside him on the floor. Hannibal followed suit, leaning back on his elbows. “I really am going to miss seeing you regularly,” you admitted, reaching out your hand to push back the hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. 

“We spend much of our time together,” he acknowledged as he looked at you curiously. “In the kitchen-“

Your eyes widened slightly, “We don’t need to talk about that i-it’s fine. No hard feelings.”

“Romantically or physically?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Do you see me as a romantic or physical conquest?”

“I, um,” you opted to look at your fumbling hands, “I’m honestly not sure about romance… especially considering… everything and my experience when it comes to romance. Never really thought past- I’m talking too much.”

Hannibal’s hand tilted your chin up, forcing you to look him in the eye. “Oh? What happened to the confident girl in the kitchen? Don’t go shy on me now.”

“I was high on your cologne, you can hardly blame me,” you rambled, “It pairs with mine nicely I think.”

His thumb stroked absentmindedly at your jaw. “Such a sweet little thing you are… Now, tell me, YN, what couldn’t you think past?”

“You,” you offered lamely, “Mostly nights when I needed to relax. You’d cross my mind. I’d wonder how you felt. How’d you do things. Maybe you’d like to leave bruises only you’d ever know about…”

“There’s something special in knowing what others don’t,” Hannibal acknowledged, “I do enjoy my lovers wearing my marks, hidden from others view and only acknowledged by myself. As it should be, I’m certain you agree.”

You swallowed thickly at the implication of being marked as his solely. The idea of having normal conversations with him at the college with evidence of him knowing you well burned against your skin. Maybe you’d see if you could convince him into one particular fantasy Friday night had conjured. 

He rested his thumb against your bottom lip, bringing you back to him. “I’ve had thoughts of my own… I wonder… Have you ever wrapped a hand around your own neck?” Hannibal smirked at the way your lips parted in surprise as he felt the heat rise to your face, caught in a way you hadn’t expected. “Sweet girl, were you desperate for me?”

You went to lick your bottom lip out of habit, instead finding the pad of his thumb. “Yes, sir.”

“Darling,” he sighed out softly, almost disappointed, “we could have sorted you out this entire time, if you’d only ask politely. There would have been no need for you to imagine, creative as you might have been. You always put everyone’s needs before yours, but where does that leave you?” Hannibal his thumb pressed against your lips lightly, humming in satisfaction when you let him in, already so compliant. “All you have to do is ask. What would you have me do tonight?” A soft pop sounded in the room as he pulled his thumb back, smearing your spit onto your lips and chin. 

“Just tonight?” The words rolled out of your mouth thoughtlessly. 

A soft laugh. “Maybe more, if you behave.”

Hannibal threaded his hand into your hair, pulling your head back slightly. Leaning closer he took a deep breath, taking you in, before leaving a simple kiss against your neck. His warm breath fanned across your face as he kept you in anticipation. Finally he graced you with a feather light kiss, so quick you weren’t sure you even noticed. You didn’t have time to feel ashamed of the whine that had escaped when he started to move away. Following after him, you caught him in an urgent kiss, threading your own hands in his hair to make sure he’d stay close. Hannibal bit at your bottom lip, his tongue sliding in the second you gasped. You ignored the sting and slight coppery taste. 

Sure you had had your fair share of ventures. It was only natural to crave the attention for the night or a couple hours. However, Hannibal didn’t feel like any of your past partners. His kiss was unrelenting and passionate. Quickly he learned exactly how to kiss you to ensure you’d moan into his mouth. You weren’t sure how long had been spent like this. Lips on lips. Someone’s wandering hand trailing down the other’s body. The growing need. Every movement slowly became bolder. Hannibal took the time to pull you onto his thigh, closing the distance between you even more. He kissed along your neck until he found a spot that made you buck against him. 

“Please,” you sighed out, not really knowing exactly what you wanted, but having faith that he’d give you just what you needed. 

Hannibal leaned his forehead against yours, “Are you sure about this, darling?” 

It wasn’t time for contemplation though, everything was already set into motion. He had just asked out of politeness. His hands moved to your hips, he dragged you against himself in a way that clouded your mind. “You’re very convincing,” you said with a shuddered breath. Leaning your head against his shoulder, you matched his rhythm. At the moment everything in the world was him and you couldn’t find it in you to mind. 

“You came to me,” he pointed out. His hand tugged at your shirt and you allowed him to pull it off. Fingers raised goose bumps along your skin as he followed the fabric of your bra to unclasp the material.  

“Could you blame me?” You kissed the side of his jaw for the second time this night. The lipstick mark left behind wasn’t as embarrassing when you were half undressed on his lap. A blush blossomed in your chest as you watched his darken eyes take you in.

Hannibal kissed along your chest. His hand made its way into your pants, drawing slow circles on your clit. Your soft moan and jut of your hips urged him for more. Before you could ask, he thrusted two fingers inside of you, the pace changing every so often as he took in your reactions. You leaned your head against his shoulder as you grinded against his hand. Soft whimpers were muffled by the fabric of his shirt. 

“Come on sweet girl,” he used his free hand to pull you off of his shoulder by the hair, “you shouldn’t be hiding. Look at me when I’m touching you. Don’t you want to be my good toy?”

You nodded meekly, unable to make a smart comment when you saw a smirk settle on his lips as a too loud moan took its place. 

“That’s it, no one can hear you,” he teased as he worked at the spot harder, his thumb rubbed at your clit. “You seem very close, what if I…”

As he went to move his hand, you grabbed his wrist to stop him. “No, no, no. Please, I’ll be good for you.”

He chuckled, but didn’t say a word as he brought his pace back up. Instead he chose to revel in your soft sounds and the way you had to focus to keep your eyes on him. Finally, he decided keeping you on the edge was enough and allowed you to cum on his fingers. 

“Clean up your mess,” he said as he thrusted his cum coated fingers into your mouth, “There you go, good girl.”

You watched him as you sucked his fingers clean. Bringing a hand down you palmed cock through his pants, fully intending on returning the favor. “You’re wearing too many clothes.”

“I’m afraid that status isn’t going to change anytime soon.” Hannibal kissed your pouted lip. “Don’t worry, I fully intend on taking care of you. Come, let’s make you more comfortable.”

As he stood, Hannibal offered you his hand to help you up. You followed him through the home to his bedroom, a place you didn’t think you’d end up but were more than pleased to see. Still you weren’t exactly taking in the sights when you were pulled into a rougher kiss as he led you toward his bed. A not too gentle push to your chest landed you on top of it. Leaning back on your elbows, you watched as Hannibal took his time undressing you fully. 

“You don’t play fair,” you complained, shifting yourself higher on the bed, away from him, “I like a pretty view too you know.”

He smiled, looking down at you fondly, “Very well, but only as a reward for earlier. I know you struggled.”

You smiled at that, shaking your head, “Come here won’t you?”

There wasn’t any time wasted when he settled on top of you, you didn’t have his patience. Your hands worked on his tie and buttons as his lips and teeth trailed across your chest. A subtle grind against your pussy had your thighs squeeze his waist. Pushing his shirt off, you felt down his chest, still surprised by how muscular he seemed to be underneath it all. You wondered if he’d stop you as you reached for his belt.

“That’s enough. I don’t think you’ve earned it just yet.”

An annoyed huff was all you could manage. 

“All in its time, darling.” A surprisingly gentle kiss was dropped on your cheek. “Can you manage waiting a while longer for me?”

You resisted the urge to nuzzle against him, unused to such soft displays from past partners. “Yes, sir...”

“Always such a sweet, polite thing.” 

Hannibal kissed and bit his way down your body, ensuring there would be evidence of him the next time you saw yourself in the mirror. He allowed you to thread your fingers in his hair, giving him a soft push down when he took too long marking you in one spot. It wasn’t much longer until Hannibal was level with your thighs, he pushed them further apart. A moment passed without anything before you remembered his rule. Willing yourself up you looked down at him, catching a wink before you were rewarded with a broad lick. Hannibal sucked your clit, pressing your hips down when you grinded against him. 

A helpless noise was the most you could do.

He bit your thigh, his fingers immediately making their way back inside of you, targeting the spot he had quickly learned turned you to putty. 

“You really are beautiful like this,” Hannibal acknowledged, “Completely at my mercy. Desperate for anything I’m willing to give you.”

There wasn’t any time to think up something to say as Hannibal’s mouth replaced his fingers, silencing any words that weren’t his breathy attempts of his name and pleas. Teeth grazed against your clit and a soft moan of his own was enough to pull you closer. 

“Please, daddy,” you begged, too far gone to be embarrassed by your slip, “I’m close…”

Hannibal was merciful, helping you finish as quickly as you had asked. Maybe at another time he would have teased and made you hold on longer but there was only so much patience he had. Especially when there was such an eager lover begging him. You watched him, dazed, as he came back up, his hand gripping at your jaw.

“Open.”

Doing as he wanted, you opened your mouth, instantly receiving a mix of the still lingering wine he had drank at dinner and you. He watched as you swallowed.

He let out an almost dreamy sigh. “So pliant.” 

Hannibal kissed you, finally allowing you to get your way as you pushed off the last clothes. You pumped him in your hand, working up the courage as you shook off the daze he had left you in. He was definitely the most talented partner you had had.

“We don’t have to go any further,” Hannibal reassured you, kissing the side of your mouth, “I’m perfectly sedated watching you.”

You shook your head immediately, not wanting him to think you were hesitant. “I want to, college guys aren’t so giving, just needed some time to clear my head.” As if to prove your point you gave him a squeeze, that made him thrust into your hand on instinct. “I just feel bad you’re doing all the work.”

“I prefer it,” he groaned quietly, as you thumbed at the slit. Hannibal rolled so that you could be on top of him, “But if you insist…”

A soft laugh. “That was hardly the fight I was expecting,” you muttered teasingly, kissing his jaw. 

“My patience is running thin.”

At that you straddled him, your hand lining him up with you. His hands held you steady as you sunk onto him. The both of you moaned softly when he was fully inside. Hannibal slowly grinded you against himself as you adjusted to his size. Hands against his chest, you started riding him in earnest. 

“That’s my good girl,” he praised you, his fingernails digging harder into your hips. 

“Yours,” you whimpered, too enthralled in the feel of him to pay any attention to the weight of what you were saying. His groans underneath you encouraged you more than anything. “All yours.”

Hannibal sat up, wrapping an arm around your waist to keep you firm against him. His soft kiss was a contrast to how roughly he was working himself into you. You couldn’t find it in you to care that he had taken control again. Instead you wrapped your arms around his neck, letting him do as he pleased, just enjoying the way his hands and lips would travel across your body. Teasing, pinching, biting everywhere he could reach.  Your chest alone would be covered in marks left behind by Hannibal. That would be a problem for the future you to deal with at the moment you were too preoccupied with begging him for more. He’d slow his thrust whenever he felt you close to the end, chuckling lowly at the whining sounds you had made.

“Give daddy one more sweet girl. I know you can.”

You moaned loudly, giving Hannibal exactly what he wanted. When he wanted. Drained, you fell limp against his shoulder. Every small sound you made broadcast directly to him as he used you for all your worth. His arms tightened around you when you tried to pull away from the over stimulation. 

“Daddy’s close,” he promised, his accent thicker than usual, “I’ve taken such good care of my girl. Be good for me.”

Nodding, you dug your nails into his shoulders. You could be good. He had been so good to you after all. Still your vision blurred and it had taken a while longer for him to finally go still inside of you. 

Hannibal kissed the side of your head, before pulling you to lay down against him. His thumb wiped away the stray tear that had managed to fall. “You did so well for me. Are you alright? Do you need anything?”

You sighed sleepily, curling into his side more comfortably, “I’m alright. Just want you.”

“We’ll take care of you later,” he promised, seeing how tired you were, “You should rest, darling. I’ll be right here.” His hand rested on your hip, thumbing at forming bruise gently. Between the soft touch and his quiet humming, it didn’t take long for you to find sleep. 

NextChapter