#there is no word in the english language strong enough to describe my hatred right now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lucastheunlucky · 5 years ago

Text

Timshel; Salva, Gotch, Lucas

Location: Downtown, few streets from Luke’s Apartment Time: Late Evening; 5/28 Triggers: gore, body horror @drunk-and-howling

Summary: It's been a little over three weeks since the arrest and attack against Luke at the precinct. The pack has set up a lot of precautions to keep him with backup, but this week has limited participation from the pack. With Winn missing and steering a lot of the attention to his whereabouts, and Luke staying in his apartment full time, and life, in general, moving on as expected. The patient hunter, Ivor Gotch, has found an opportunity to set up an attempted snatch involving a small crew of people and special weapons. Salva, without telling anyone, has filled a gap in the patrol; knowing Ivor won’t stop.

Salva is right and he finds him.

Ivor Gotch was outside a bar, across from a bus station, wearing a long leather jacket that barely hid the shotgun tucked under his arm and secured to his back. His broken arm wrapped up in a sling, but the hunter didn’t seem put off by it. The man was staring at his phone with a strange intensity. Four other people sat on the benches, lounging around, and looked up when they weren’t alone. The hair on his arms raised, and his eyes lifted from the bright screen.

“So you are in town,” the words spoke like Ivor already knew, though with a frustrated edge to it. Gray eyes drifted over to the wolf, cold and calculating. “Must we do this all over again? How poorly it ends every time for you. Do you really want to involve yourself in my business?”

Salva prowled closer to Ivor, his body language stiff, but hands still kept rather casually in the pockets of his bomber jacket. "Naturally," the werewolf answered, and his voice was barely human... in it was such a rumbling growl that an unpracticed ear would doubt if he was even speaking English, like car tires rolling over gravel. Scenting the hunter after all this time gave him such a violent bloodlust that he felt light-headed, and his body was alive with phantom pains of their past encounters, but somehow he managed to keep it under control.

"Give me one reason I shouldn't tear your throat out with my bare hands, right here."

“Because we both know under all this snarling-- you have proved you are weak against me.”

Ivor laughed a cold chuckle, pulling a cigar to his lips with a deep pull and puff of smoke as if hinting to all their past altercations and breaking even often. Ivor pointed the cigar lightly towards him while he spoke. “We don’t care if you kill others. Hunting families never liked bothering with us. Yet you still want to cause us problems. Over and over.” A tsk clicked the man's tongue like he was reprimanding a child, and the four people around actually chuckled lightly, but didn’t look as confident as the man speaking.

“I will warn you one more time Salva, stay out of this.”

With anyone else, Salva would have been goaded into action long ago, but this was a different story. This hunter had nearly killed him before, on several accounts, and he was still injured from his forest run-in with that hunter on the night of the full moon. He knew that if he started a fight here, four goons aside, Ivor would have little difficulties adding a new pelt to his wall. "You don't deserve to speak my name," Salva rasped with that voice like broken glass, coming closer still to Ivor.

The state of the wolf wasn’t entirely unnoticed, and when he stepped closer Ivor stayed still though alert that this could dissolve quickly. The cigar billowed sweetly between them. “So, what’s this about?” Ivor said calmly, the arm broken by Lucas, moved to take the cigar, the wince small, but noticeable. “Could it be? Lucas-- hmm. Finally getting help?” The man’s smile dropped, and his pulse went up just a tick at that thought. He wouldn’t.

"If you don't deserve to say my name, you sure as hell can't say his." Salva couldn't keep it under wraps any longer, feeling like he would bust apart at the seams until it was painful. As one of the henchmen made a slight shift of footing next to the truck, the werewolf reached out, grabbed the man by the hoodie, and yanked him in close - he didn't even shift, but used his human teeth to bite into the man's neck and give a solid wrench. Thick black lifeblood sprayed onto the pavement, and shortly after the man's body hit the street, limp and severed under the chin. Salva then took another step towards Ivor, making no effort to wipe the blood staining his mouth. No words, just a savage snarl and baring of teeth.

Ivor put his hands up towards the other men pulling out various weapons and pointing them at the wolf who tore open one of his men’s throats. The others were nervous now, and Ivor didn’t need a fast shoot out in the middle of the road without a good backup plan in place. Regardless, his pulse rang in his ears as the rush of a hunt always was enticing when so close, and this particular beast was one to fear. There was no doubt about it, that having them here in town, knowing Lucas of all things, and seemingly to be protecting him was going to make this an issue. Salva’s wolf hide would be worth millions, but even faced with this creature-- one who has crossed his path countless times, Ivor didn’t want him. Ivor flipped the shotgun by his side with a turn of the wrist and struck it out right at Salva’s nose.

The gun found purchase, and there was a wet metallic thud as it crashed into Salva's jaw, strings of blood flying from his teeth. But the pain wasn't felt, not at all. His features began to contort to be increasingly monstrous as Salva quickly shifted into his black-furred form. The wolf's body was severely impeded, and the physical stress of shifting forced stitches to pop out of his skin, but his lips were stretched back in an ivory snarl as Salva shook the blow off and came in for another attack. His narrow jaws aimed to snap onto Ivor's arm, a snarl like glass shattering ripping from deep in his chest.

“Start the truck!” Ivor ordered, taking the weight of Salva as he shifted and bared down on him, his feet slid across the concrete and kicked up the dirt as the two collided. His broken arm creaked under pressure, the fracture broke again from the stress. Sweat formed on his brow as the pain increased, making his teeth grit. Blood coated the butt end of the shotgun and splashed on the ground with a flick. Ivor met the feral wolf with his own snarl. Eyes wild, and a face Salva has seen before-- manic and excited. “Grab the lines!” Another order from someone else, his people were moving around, seconds passing as the shotgun exploded between them. Blasting out part of his hearing, but it aimed purposefully upward and between them to damage them both in that way. The beaded rounds cut bits of himself as well as their velocity and explosion gave him a second to shove forward, flipping the gun with a release of a shotgun shell and a reload. rounds cut parts of himself as well as their velocity and explosion gave him a second to shove forward, flipping the gun with a release of a shotgun shell and a reload.

Salva felt the thrill of victory as Ivor struggled to take his weight, and relished in the taste of the hunter's blood bathing his tongue. But there was a reason why countless wolves had fallen at Ivor's feet - he was devastatingly strong, and that crazed intensity in his eye was enough to challenge any wolf's dominance. When the shotgun went off between them and hot shrapnel exploded into his face, Salva's lungs contracted in a sharp, pained yelp, and he briefly fell away to paw at the stinging wounds freckling his muzzle. His hearing was reduced to a high-pitched whine, but this series of events only served to heighten the wolf's aggression. Salva came forward again to leap onto the hunter, this time attempting to take up the shotgun in his teeth and rip it away. Fight harder, Salva… came a distant voice in his ears, his own, from somewhere deep in his being. Or you're going to die here.

Blood coated Ivor’s face, dripping down his chin, turning the snowy white beard into speckled red. Both wolf and human blood splattered across his clothes, and carved lines from the shrapnel of his buckshot bubbled up to the surface and spilled over. Ivor didn’t hesitate one moment, didn’t move, didn’t go to step back or run. He just stood there, looking the beast in the eye, and a freshly loaded shotgun bullet in his single round barrel; these bullets aimed for damage over death. His hearing was white static, but the hunter didn’t seem to care, his chest heaved slightly, a wildness to almost match the beast making the whitest grins spread on his face. “Fire!” he yelled, but could barely hear himself as an explosion of compressed air sent two small harpoons flying at them with a trail of rope. Ivor ducked down in a low squat and met Salva’s leap forward to keep him upright in hopes they connected.

Salva was on his two back paws as they grappled, but his ears swiveled as he heard coordinated movement behind them… he barely had the presence of mind, but the wolf managed to twist out of the way just in time as two harpoons came hurtling at him. One of them missed and clanged against the pavement, but the other hooked into his shoulder, the long-toothed blade catching against the grain of his flesh. Salva let out a blood-curdling howl, but it rose from a place of pure hatred for Ivor, and he used the pain's momentum to bite down on his arm. He wrenched his head to the side with the intent to rip flesh, the threads of Ivor's clothing splintering.

Ivor screamed, the teeth tearing into his flesh never able to be described-- the pain unbearable, even if known over and over, added scars and deep hatred for these creatures. Except one. The men pushed a retracting button on the harpoon that struck as they called for Ivor from the truck. The weapon was cruel and designed to inflict a lot of damage should it be pulled out. Blood dripped everywhere, and Ivor was furious. This was transpiring when it wasn’t part of his plan. How had Lucas gotten on Salva’s radar? Who told him to come to White Crest? Was it his brother? Or fate toying with his desires? Ivor’s anger imploded, and he almost roared back, feral in sound. The shotgun fell to the ground, replaced with silver, and he turned the same sharp blade used on Lucas and shoved it down, through the cheekbone of the beast’s face, and embedded it into Salva’s jawbone to pry it open, so he didn’t lose his arm.

The weapon's cord snapped taut, and the harpoon head retracted, pulling out of Salva's shoulder and taking with it a sizable chunk of muscle and coarse, black fur. But before he could even react, the silver blade landed squarely at the base of his jaw - such a blinding, burning pain made the wolf want to die, and his yellow eyes widened to stare at Ivor's face, almost pleadingly, like the unfeeling beast in him longed for death. However, the stab only served to lock Salva's jaw, and the human in him abruptly decided that this was his moment to get even. The massive black wolf crunched down as hard as he could, feeling the man's arm shatter between his teeth, and gave a mighty wrench… sinews pulled, the joint was forced out of place, and skin and muscle were rented asunder as Ivor's arm was severed at the shoulder. Blood spattered on Salva's face, and he kept the limb in his jaws as he staggered backwards, blinded by anguish - his legs buckled and he collapsed onto the pavement, claws unable to gain traction over a film of his own lifeblood. Is this what it feels like to die…?

Ivor went into immediate shock and his body-- it didn’t know what was happening and his mind was slowing down. He knew that something was missing, that the feeling-- the pain, it wasn’t there as the shock protected him and made his teeth clatter, but it wasn’t good. The blood loss had him stagger back as two of the men ran over and pushed his jacket into his arm. Trying to stop the blood gushing, and he felt like this might be the first time in a while where he might die on a hunt. “Fucking, Salva-- I’m sick of this!” He reached for his shotgun, and though weakened, the closest guy put it in his one hand, holding it steady and pointed it at Salva’s face. But before the trigger pulled, Ivor’s gaze moved bleary towards the road, and his heart almost stopped. A monstrous beast with amber eyes, on all fours, tearing up the asphalt from sheer speed was running right for them. “Go-- go, go--” the two men said at the same time and started to drag Ivor towards the truck who didn't have a choice but to go. The men had already pulled the body of the man killed into the back.

Lucas’ hair was on end, and he barreled towards them, long gashes from his claws tearing up the ground as he pushed himself to go faster and catch the truck. The world blurred to that fine point, and Lucas felt his mind drift dangerously into a place of no return. The tired squealed and spun at the press of the acceleration, kicking up smoke that filled the road. As Lucas got close enough, he caught Ivor’s eye from the back window. The last time such an event happened, it was when he was shot in the head. Somehow, even with his arm torn off, seeing Lucas, even in wolf form, had the hunter smiling when he saw him. It made Lucas sick, his stomach rotting in disgust and his steps faltered against his will. The truck weaved and almost clipped him, and raced down the road. Lucas wanted to chase them but pivoted and ran towards the wolf; half shifted enough to grab his face with both hands, making sure he could smell him and looked him firmly in the eyes. His voice was deep, barely human tongues.

“Salva-- hey, come on-- stay awake. Need to pull this out.”

Somehow, even through the blood loss, Salva had managed to remain at least semi-conscious, and watched incredulously as a shotgun pointed at him was suddenly redirected. Another wolf came barreling in… that scent… Lucas?! He couldn't believe his eyes as Ivor and his men sped away in their truck, tires squealing in its haste - just like that, the hunter had once again vanished into thin air, and all that was left of him was that dark blood smeared on the pavement. Salva's ears swiveled to listen to Lucas as the young wolf approached, and his body language betrayed his usually cold demeanor - the tip of his long black tail thumped slowly against the concrete, as if to say Jesus, is it good to see you, kid. Salva raised his head to Lucas so he could help wrench the knife loose… he knew if he were to shift back with the metal in his jaw, the damage would be devastating. All he could do was brace himself for the pain.

“I got you--” He held Salva’s face almost tenderly for being partially monstrous, and his chest ached at the damage. Lucas couldn’t fucking believe this. He was so mad, and it had been a freak chance that his nose caught Salva’s scent when he was outside to take out the trash. Damn, he owed his mother so much for training him so well in marking scents, and fuck, Gotch was close to his apartment. If Salva hadn’t caught onto to him-- well. Luke just happened to be alone tonight of all nights. Lucas held his jaw still, pressing his thumb near the tip of the blade to line it up, and pulled it out quickly, not wanting Salva to jump and cause it to go into the bone more. He held the beautiful item for a second, and his mind echoed at the sight of it-- knowing it was the same one used on him weeks ago, and all the other small cuts on his body ached in reminder. It felt like a warning or a threat being in his hands, and his eyes drifted back to the road before he half snarled, putting it in his back pocket, so it didn’t burn him. “I didn’t know you were on patrol, shit Salva-- he almost killed you.”

The wolf's jaws fell open, and Ivor's arm thudded wetly onto the ground. Salva snarled hotly against the pain as the knife was removed, and it twisted into a string of human expletives as he shifted back. "Lucas, you idiot... you shouldn't be here," the man snarled through clenched teeth, his words broken up with frustration and shaking breaths. He looked as though he'd been thrown in a meat grinder… needed to stop the bleeding somehow. The man grabbed at a nearby patch of gravel and rubbed a handful onto his jaw and shoulder, knowing that it was definitely going to make the wound infected, but at least it would help the blood congeal. He looked up the road to where the truck disappeared.

"Motherfucker… I fucking HAD him." Salva waved Lucas away and began to pull himself to his feet. "You shouldn't be here, kid. I had it handled."

Lucas swelled with anger, and it was at a level he wasn’t familiar with. It was the word ‘had’ which stoked the coals. A meaty growl rumbled from him, and his body shifted subtly more with a creak of bones. His heart rate was still up from the run, and he was furious at being told he shouldn’t have come when a shotgun had been pointed at the other’s face. That perspective of Luke running up the road had him leaping forward and shifting entirely to get there. The entire time, he was expecting an explosion and Salva’ head in pieces on the goddamn road. The smell of Gotch was saturated in this space, and Luke inhaled it deeply, his body shaking from it against his will as fear swirled in his gut. His clothes were barely on his body from the shift and run, and he couldn’t slow his breathing. “I will not... see someone... die for me. Not from him!” he said frustrated. “I’m tired of this!” It shifted into a roar that he had to swallow down as not to alert anyone. His entire mind burned red because of it. He was right there. Salva almost died and if anyone could have killed Ivor-- Lucas’ thoughts darkened. Wanting to chase after the truck more than anything else.

“Come on, my place is right there--” Luke offered his shoulders.

Salva managed to get to his feet, but only for a moment… he staggered and reached out to grip Lucas’ shoulder, his knuckles white. Dark black lifeblood steadily dripped onto the pavement, and it could be easily observed that he was going strictly on adrenaline alone - his heart thudded, and his breaths came heaving from a chest shining with sweat. He glanced sidelong to the tire marks the truck left on the road, licked some of Ivor’s blood absently from the corner of his mouth, but however alive he seemed, no one had scented death that night more clearly than Salva. The wounds he’d sustained were grievous, perhaps worse than any of his other run-ins with Ivor, and the image of staring down the barrel of the hunter’s shotgun was burned into his retinas. If Luke hadn’t shown up when he did… “Let him go, Lucas,” Salva said after a long moment, and his voice, usually so strong and confident, was nearly lifeless. It was undignified to accept help from a younger wolf, especially retreating to recover at his house, but if he didn’t get rest, death was still a very real possibility. “Yeah, if I could just… borrow your floor for a night…” There was a hot pressure in his throat. Why do I feel like crying…?

His grip tightened around Salva’s waist, and hoisted him up enough to bare more of his weight so he didn’t stagger so much. Luke’s heart was hammering in concern for Salva, it was bad-- and the wound to his face might not heal well with that silver. Dammit. The silver dagger was tucked in his back pocket and it carried so much reminder to his own torture. “Gotch, when he was cutting me-- and I couldn’t get out of my head, even with the pain--” Lucas felt guilt suddenly swallow up the anger, and it nearly formed a black hole in his chest and it ached so bad he had to grit his teeth to stop frustrated tears from coming up. He walked steady, not wavering in keeping him up.

“He promised, he’d cut someone’s face I care about, scar them-- because I told him no again. To act as a reminder, that he will always win. No matter who I go too.” Luke’s breath faltered a little bit, the seam of his own wound had sealed up but was still causing him issues. It was aching and bleeding a little from the shift and run on all fours, scarred badly forever, another jagged reminder. He took them towards the back alleyway, which would keep them more out of sight. “Next time-- next time I don’t want him too. Please don’t go alone again.”

Lucas's words were growing faint, as if spoken on the other side of a long tunnel, as Salva's healing responses were finally kicking in. He could feel it, his skin and muscles surveying the damage dealt, shocks down his limbs as reinforcements rushed to carry cells to the wounds and fight off bacteria… everywhere except the ripped gash in his cheek. There, no blood flowed, and the skin was becoming dark and dead from where the silver blade corroded his flesh away. He could even feel the chilly night air on his teeth as he glanced to Lucas, his expression tight and brow furrowed with the effort of speaking. His healing would soon be sapping every iota of his energy. "I'll never stop," Salva breathed flatly. "I'll find him again. And when I do, you're gonna be there, Lucas. I'm gonna hold that motherfucker down…while you rip his goddamn face off." A slight hitch in his voice. "I promise, kid."

Luke looked sideways and down at Salva, noticing the further weakness in his steps which had Luke holding him tighter and situating him on his side differently so he didn’t fall down. The weight of Salva was not a hindrance, but it was always awkward to half drag someone. Luke pushed the code into the apartment, and the back door opened. They met eye to eye when Salva spoke, surprised he wasn’t unconscious with the dead weight, amber rings, and spots of fur, the two beasts a bloody mess, with anger still burning hot in their veins for more fight even with the current state. Luke smiled, something brighter than a full moon, making that youthfulness he always carried spread out over his cheeks, and struck his eyes with hope. “Okay. Come on, I really should hose you off,” Lucas joked, but got them up the stairs into his apartment so he could make sure Salva didn’t die.

“Thank you--” he whispered later. Watching over him.

#x: timshel #x: salva

8 notes · View notes

anonymoustalks · 5 years ago

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You cant just oppress me for having different views, that's Fascism!!!!

(6-14-20) You both like politics.

You: heya

Stranger: Hello

You: anything on your mind today?

Stranger: No

You: fair enough ^^

You: any issues that you care about?

Stranger: Not really

You: is there a reason why you like this tag then?

Stranger: To talk about Politics

You: mhm anything particular about it?

Stranger: Anything

You: mhm do you have a particular political leaning?

Stranger: Fascist

You: ohh interesting

You: why fascism, btw?

You: I never really understood it

Stranger: Because it aligns with my values

You: your values being... strength? authority...?

Stranger: Strength, Honor, Spirituality, Race, Masculinity

You: I didn't realize spirituality was a big part of fascism

Stranger: Most people don't know anything about Fascism beyond something about the holocaust

You: fair enough

You: how did you learn about fascism?

Stranger: I read the Doctrine of Fascism

You: who is that by?

Stranger: Benito Mussolini and Gentile

You: oh is it good?

Stranger: It explains Fascism, it serves it's purpose

You: I guess so

You: are there like fascist communities out there?

Stranger: Not really

You: so it's mostly just you and yourself?

Stranger: I've known many other Fascists, but most of them are dead or in prison, so for now yes

You: ...how old are you?

Stranger: 29

You: I didn't realize that fascists end up in prison so easily

Stranger: Well we're Fascists living in a mostly liberal world

You: I guess so

You: I had a question about fascism actually

You: so... with many different fascist cultures... liking different racists... do you hate each other?

You: or do you get along because you're all kinda similar politically?

You: *liking different races

Stranger: Well this is a fundamental misunderstanding of our worldview

You: do you mind explaining more?

Stranger: So

Stranger: We don't hate each other even though we understand at some point we will have to kill each other

You: (wow that's dramatic...)

Stranger: To us that is simply reality, hatred is not necessary to accomplish this reality

Stranger: So why have any

You: I see

You: for me it's kind of difficult why so many cultures are transfixed with...

You: jewish people

You: idk

You: idk why the hate, in other words

You: *difficult to understand

Stranger: I don't hate jews

Stranger: The hatred towards jews came from the fact that many of them were Marxists

You: ah... I didn't know that

Stranger: Yeah I'm not surprised, most people don't know anything about Fascism but hate it anyways

You: what's your opinion of North Korea

You: are they more fascist or communist?

Stranger: They're just totalitarian. I wouldn't say they're either

You: so totalitarian =/= fascist

Stranger: Are you joking

You: idk, I really don't know much

You: I think of a long of strong personality figures who grabbed for lots of power in many fascist regimes

Stranger: Lol

You: sorry if I don't understand much

Stranger: It's not that you don't understand much you don't seem to know anything about it

You: yeah

You: so are there any countries today that are close to fascist?

Stranger: No

You: so what does a fascist state entail?

Stranger: That depends on the spiritual teachings in that particular race

You: hm...

You: I feel like I'm thinking about those religious states like iran

Stranger: What about it

You: idk just the wording of "spiritual teachings"

You: I think I'm just lost on what fascism means

You: like I think there are a bunch of countries that are fairly ethnocentric -- like I think Japan is pretty ethnocentric, right?

You: and other countries that have a powerful spiritual component

You: and others that emphasize a strong state power

Stranger: What's your point

You: do you mix them together and you get fascism?

Stranger: That's just right-wing populism

You: so what's the different between that and fascism?

Stranger: Fascism is not right-wing populism

You: So Wikipedia's definition is this: "Fascism is a form of far-right, authoritarian ultranationalism characterized by dictatorial power, forcible suppression of opposition, as well as strong regimentation of society and of the economy which came to prominence in early 20th-century Europe." which is why I'm a little lost

Stranger: That looks like it was written by a liberal college student

You: ^^ so how would you describe it then?

Stranger: Fascism is the syncretic blend of the Super-World and the Material world

You: umm, I'm a little lost by that ^^

Stranger: You're going to have to be more specific

You: I have no idea what "syncretic blend" and "super-world" and "material world" mean

Stranger: Syncretism is a union or attempted fusion of different religions, cultures, or philosophies — like Halloween, which has both Christian and pagan roots, or the combination of Aristotelian philosophy with the belief system of the early punk rock practitioners.

Stranger: Picture that, but with the union of a spiritual belief with a lifestyle and society

You: what kinds of spiritual belief?

Stranger: That obviously depends on your religious beliefs

You: I'm just a little bit confused about how that's different from an authoritarian theocracy?

Stranger: The Super-World is the metaphysical source of the material world, like Heaven

Stranger: Because not all religions are authoritarian in nature

You: interesting

You: it's quite a lot for me to wrap my head around

You: so if they're not authoritarian... how do they maintain a strong regimented state/economy?

Stranger: Why would they need to

You: well, I thought fascism wasn't very tolerant of per say democratic discourse

You: so something needs to enforce the ruling law?

Stranger: As I said, not all religions are authoritarian

Stranger: That is their problem

Stranger: They will figure it out

You: I see... do you mind if I ask about your faith?

Stranger: I am a Christian

You: is Christianity authoritarian?

Stranger: Yes

You: why is it authoritarian if you don't mind me asking?

Stranger: We can start with the most obvious

Stranger: Jesus Christ is meant to rule forever as King over heaven

Stranger: When the Hebrews asked God for a King, he gave them one

You: okay I see

Stranger: Here of course we see a strong condemnation of rebellious behavior:

Stranger: Romans 13:1-7 New International Version (NIV) Submission to Governing Authorities 13 Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2 Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3 For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. 4 For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience.

Stranger: This, is naturally and clearly authoritarian

You: thanks

You: how do you handle the many denominations of Christianity?

Stranger: Well if it was up to me I would have all of their churches destroyed

Stranger: Infact I would have all churches destroyed

You: I see... what denomination is your church?

Stranger: I do not go to church

You: okay so definitely not Catholic XD

Stranger: No, I am a Christian

Stranger: I follow the teachings of Christ, not the teachings of a church

You: mhm okay

You: so what happens if you have a lot of people who resist... your interpretation?

Stranger: That depends on the level of resistance

You: idk people who disagree on teachings that obviously I'm not knowledgeable enough to speak about?

Stranger: Is English not your first language

You: mhm it is

Stranger: What do you think "level of resistance" means

You: open rebellion?

You: protests?

Stranger: Are you a woman

You: uhhh why does that matter?

Stranger: This seems above your ability to fully grasp so it makes me think you are a woman

You: oh okay ^^;;

Stranger: Are you

You: so if I'm not, then it is okay for me to grasp?

Stranger: If you are not then you are just a very stupid male

You: sure let's go with that

Stranger: Answer the question

You: I'm trying to understand

You: I'll decline to answer your question

You: does that qualify as open rebellion?

Stranger: Yes

You: I see... it's not very an aggressive form of resistance though?

You: it's kind of petty, actually

Stranger: And

Stranger: "You cant just oppress me for having different views, that's Fascism!!!!"

Stranger: Exactly

You: hm?

Stranger: Are you autistic or something

You: sure

Stranger: You seem incapable of understanding basic things

You: It's not a subject I hear a lot about, so I'm asking a lot questions so I understand

Stranger: Good Lord

Stranger: I am not even talking about Fascism

Stranger: That is what I mean

Stranger: Your ability to communicate with other humans seems to be handicapped

You: maybe, it's omegle though so it's fairly low stakes

Stranger: Lol

You: I mean I don't think I'm wrong lol

Stranger: How could you even if you were

You: tell if I'm wrong?

You: I have no idea

You: I feel like it's hard to tell without other people telling you

You: and then you reflect based on what others tell you

Stranger: I have never relied on others telling me I am wrong to decide if I am

You: I'm not sure if "reliance" is the right word

You: I guess I would call it "feedback"

Stranger: I will be back

You: and then "reflect" on a day?

You: okay

Stranger: I am back

You: ok

You: can't find my laptop charger

Stranger: Let us talk about being stupid

You: sure

Stranger: Do you know why you are stupid

You: why don't you tell me what you think?

Stranger: Because you were not born to be a grand leader

Stranger: You are a simple person meant to lead a simple life

Stranger: In the modern world, because everyone is full of themselves and feed their ego incessently this is an insult

You: an insult huh?

You: so how can you tell if someone is destined for greatness?

Stranger: Yes, because everyone wants to be special

Stranger: A person that is destined for greatness is marked by 5 signs

You: I think Western culture is heavily individualistic

Stranger: 1. Ability to endure any amount of humiliation

Stranger: 2. Can see the bigger picture of things, and is not limited by the perspective of their life

Stranger: 3. Understands people well and can make them work together

Stranger: 4. Has the will and strength to endure all tragedies of life

Stranger: 5. Is not enslaved by their own personal nature

You: That's a very interesting list

You: where did you get it from?

Stranger: I just came up with it

You: oh, that's cool

You: the suffering and humiliation is notable to me

You: have you experienced a lot of it?

Stranger: Yes

You: can you tell me more?

Stranger: The list is too long

You: is there something that stands out?

Stranger: And most of it is not worth mentioning

Stranger: Because I have grown out of all of it

You: I imagine that it's not a bunch of small things?

You: it should be a big thing, right?

Stranger: The point is, I have moved on, it is in the past and that is where it will stay

You: I see

You: What do you mean by not enslaved by their own personal nature?

Stranger: "I'm tired"

Stranger: "this is too hard"

Stranger: "I want to have sex"

You: mhm okay

Stranger: "I'm hungry"

Stranger: "I want more"

Stranger: "I want less"

Stranger: If you are able to conquer your nature then you will master your body

Stranger: Think about Kings and Emperors in history

You: I guess that's good

Stranger: The worst ones are always depicted as the ones who only cared about pleasure

You: right

Stranger: The ones that only cared about expensive clothing

Stranger: Things like that

Stranger: A King cannot be a master of his people if he has not mastered himself

Stranger: This is why Jesus Christ went through all the temptations of sin, and the physical torture

Stranger: Why he gave up all his things and lived as a nomad

Stranger: In order to conquer His body

You: mhm

You: what is your life like right now?

Stranger: In what context

You: idk, just in general

You: it sounds like you live a very disciplined life

Stranger: I try to

Stranger: I am closer than I ever have been, at least

You: that's good!

You: so it sounds like you've been through difficult times, and things are heading upwards?

Stranger: Something like that

You: mhm that's great

Stranger: Well

Stranger: If I end up homeless it is still better than having a home without discipline

Stranger: So I don't think we have the same definition of upwards

You: homeless?

Stranger: You don't know what that means

Stranger: ?

You: well yeah I do, but how would you end up homeless?

Stranger: How am I supposed to know? Anything can happen

You: I guess that's true

You: you just seemed worried about bad things in the future

Stranger: Bad things?

You: You said "I don't think we have the same definition of upwards"

You: meaning that from my point of view, I may not think you are heading upwards?

Stranger: My soul belongs to Jesus Christ, what could possibly be a 'bad thing' when I already have everything

You: mhm right

You: do you ever get lonely?

You: without a congregation or anything?

Stranger: No I do not

You: why did you stop going to church?

Stranger: I had no purpose there except to see a girl, and I considered that to be a wrong reason

You: Ah, okay

You: what kind of changed your views suddenly?

Stranger: It is never sudden, everyday (if you are trying) a person becomes more and more aware of life and pays more attention. You eventually start learning and changing accordingly

You: mhm okay

You: it sounds like it's been a long journey for you then

You: and an isolated road to?

Stranger: I am isolated now, for good reason

You: coronavirus?

Stranger: No

You: because?

Stranger: Because

Stranger: It is easy to be a Christian when your friends are Christians

Stranger: It is easy to be a Christian when you hear teachings from the bible every sunday

Stranger: It is easy to be a Christian when all the events you go to are by other Christians

Stranger: I do not want to lead this life because of the people around me, I want to be a Christian because I choose to be

Stranger: I can only do this alone

You: it sounds sad to push away everyone close to you though

Stranger: I will give you a hint, there was barely any pushing

You: is there a way to choose to be Christian yet still be close to others?

You: oh

You: was it always that way or did something happen?

Stranger: Yes

Stranger: You just need to pick Christ first, and friends second

Stranger: I grew up with a lot of friends, so it was the opposite for me

Stranger: I am not rectifying this

You: Ah...

You: well, if you are happy now, I guess that's fine

Stranger: Happy?

Stranger: Happiness has never really been important to me, I don't really care about it

You: fulfillment then?

Stranger: Sure

You: okay

You: how old are you?

Stranger: 29

You: you live alone?

Stranger: No, I live with my mother

You: mhm is she well?

Stranger: She is fine

You: that's good

You: can I ask why you think the way you do about women?

Stranger: Because women are not suited to be leaders

You: I mean you seemed to think women weren't able to comprehend the things you were talking about?

Stranger: Yes

You: why is that?

Stranger: Because women are not suited to be leaders

You: I mean comprehending doesn't have to do with leading, does it?

You: They're different skill sets

Stranger: ...

Stranger: If you cannot comprehend it, it is because it is beyond your station

You: ...

You: I mean, comprehending a book is entirely different than leading an army

Stranger: This is exactly what I am talking about

Stranger: You are not even on the same page as me

Stranger: What I just said went completely over your head

You: Yeah it did

You: Are you suggesting that comprehension is essential to being a leader? That makes sense

You: But the inverse seems like a stretch to me

You: that being a leader is necessary to read books?

Stranger: No

Stranger: I am saying if you cannot understand what is being said, that is because you do not need to

You: oh, okay...

You: for some reason I had interpreted that as "unable to" versus "do not need to"

Stranger: Okay

You: so basically you believe people are destined for certain things?

Stranger: Yes

You: and there are certain signs that indicate you are destined for greatness?

Stranger: Yes

You: how does greatness manifest in different lifetimes and times?

You: I mean, you said for yourself that this isn't really a time for fascism

Stranger: When did I say that

You: well that western society isn't very kind to it

You: so it's a little hard to imagine a fascist society popping up in America in our lifetime

Stranger: So I'm here waiting for you to make a point

You: I don't really have a point?

You: I was hoping to understand how you view greatness

You: in a culture and society that doesn't appreciate your views?

Stranger: What does American culture and society have to do with how I view greatness

You: I sounded like you implied that you were destined for greatness, but I may have misread your meaning

Stranger: I am

You: so how will you be great?

You: I guess that's my question

Stranger: That remains to be seen

You: Do you have a sense of what direction it will be?

Stranger: It is more important to focus on the day and hour you are living in

You: that's fair

You: I guess it's true it's important not to get ahead of ourselves

You: I was wondering you had any specific goals or dreams

Stranger: Follow God, that is all I need to do

You: mhm

You: So it's kind of like God will show you the way when it's the right time?

Stranger: He always does

You: right

You: Do you come on Omegle a lot?

Stranger: When I have nothing else to do

You: Do you have any other hobbies?

Stranger: Training

You: working out or something more specific?

Stranger: Working out

You: Mhm I think that's good

You: does your mom still work?

Stranger: No

You: and yourself?

Stranger: I was employed, but I realized I was there for the wrong reasons and left

You: Ah... what kind wrong reasons?

Stranger: I was only going because I wanted to see a girl

You: ...Were there multiple girls?

You: The church one and also the work one?

Stranger: Yes

You: oh

You: And dating is sort of incompatible with your faith?

Stranger: No

You: It's a little bit harder for me to understand going to work for the wrong reasons

You: like I can understand going to church for the wrong reasons

You: but work I'm not sure if I understand

Stranger: How is it any different

You: Mhm, I feel like faith is different?

Stranger: It has nothing to do with faith

You: I mean I feel like you should go to church for your faith, not for romance

You: on the other hand, I don't really see anything wrong with liking someone at work

You: (or school or something else similar)

Stranger: I cant believe this has to be explained

You: sorry

Stranger: There was a girl at church

Stranger: I liked her

Stranger: I was only going to see her

Stranger: So I stopped

Stranger: There was a girl at work

Stranger: I liked her

Stranger: I was only there to see her

Stranger: So I stopped

Stranger: How is this confusing to you

You: I think I'm just not understand why you decided to stop seeing the girl at work

You: if you're able to keep working, that is

Stranger: Because I was not working

You: oh okay

Stranger: I spent most of my time talking to her

You: right

Stranger: And would regularly tell my manager to mind his business if he ever mentioned it

You: right

You: are you looking to get another job?

Stranger: No, I need to set myself right first before getting back into the world

You: mhm

You: I guess that's understandable

You: how does your mother feel?

Stranger: She is fine

You: it's good if you have a good relationship with her

Stranger: Yes

You: what kind of work did you do?

You: before?

Stranger: Industrial Labor

You: Will you be okay financially?

Stranger: Yes

You: That's good

You: I wonder what the coronavirus was like in your area

Stranger: I don't pay attention

You: how do you normally spend your day these days?

Stranger: Training and reading

You: What kind of reading?

Stranger: The bible and military history

You: Why military history?

Stranger: Because I like it

You: Ah okay

You: have you always liked it?

Stranger: Yes

You: favorite period?

Stranger: I don't have a favorite period

You: oh I thought a lot of people had a favorite battle or a favorite country/nation

Stranger: Okay

You: okay

You: well, if the conversation seems to be dying down, thank you for explaining things

Stranger: For all the good it will do

You: who knows, it was an experience for me, I guess?

You: in either case, I wish you the best!

Stranger: Lol

You: is it that funny?

Stranger: Yes

You: >.>

You: Why? Are you used to getting tons of hate or something?

Stranger: Because I am a Fascist. You hoping "the best" for me would most likely work against you

You: Mhm, I guess I'm taking my chances lol

You: to me you're still a person

You: living somewhere in America

Stranger: What does that have to do with anything

You: idk, I think our worldviews don't really align -- I kind of wish for everyone to find happiness

Stranger: Why

You: call me a pacifist or something idk

You: I dunno, do I need a reason?

Stranger: It just seems arbitrary to me

You: I'm not sure why I have the values that I do

You: they are somewhat important to me though

Stranger: They are strange to me

You: I guess

You: I suppose I don't have the strongest sense of self-preservation

You: I was slightly suicidal years ago

You: although I'm better now

Stranger: I consider people that commit suicide to be pathetic, depending on the reasoning

You: I didn't have strong reasoning, probably just generic mental health issues

You: in either case, having greater purpose of some kind makes me feel better

You: for me, being able to spread something positive is meaningful

Stranger: For me the only appropriate time to kill oneself is if you are about to be captured by an enemy

Stranger: If you are paralyzed

Stranger: If you can no longer walk

Stranger: If you lose your reproductive organs

You: These seem heavily honor-focused

Stranger: That is the kind of person I am

You: I seems like your honor means a lot to you, which I guess is honorable too

You: (my goodness the pun lol)

Stranger: Well

You: although I mean not sure if all of those things are worth a life, at least in my view

Stranger: I am a man, if I cannot protect the women in my life then I have no reason to live

You: I'm not really sure how to respond to that

Stranger: If a man cannot defend his people, then what is the point of his existence

Stranger: Seems pointless to me, better off just killing yourself

You: I think people can find things important to them over time

You: and I think we all experience loss

Stranger: It doesn't matter if they find something important to them

Stranger: They are useless if they cannot defend women

You: ^^ maybe some women don't want to be defended?

Stranger: What kind of woman would not want to be defended from an attacker

You: It is figurative in multiple different ways

Stranger: What?

Stranger: Why would a woman not want someone to defend her from an attacker?

You: I think some women don't want to be defended from unspecified "threats", if they have't asked for help

Stranger: So if someone is breaking into my home an tries to attack my mother, I need to wait for her to ask me for help?

You: nope, depends on the person

Stranger: It depends on the person?

Stranger: There are women out there that would get angry if you stopped a rapist from raping her?

You: I think I'm referring to less literal things than that, but I feel like this is a difficult conversation to have

Stranger: I do not find it difficult

Stranger: Again

Stranger: There are women out there that would get angry if you stopped a rapist from raping her because you did not ask her first?

You: I think I was somewhat reacting to this link: "If a man cannot defend his people, then what is the point of his existence"

You: If you failed do defend someone you love, I don't think they would want you to commit suicide

Stranger: You misunderstand me, yet again

You: likewise, I don't think that people always hold those expectations that men will defend women anymore

Stranger: A wife does not expect her husband to protect her?

Stranger: A mother does not expect her son to protect her?

Stranger: A daughter does not expect her father to protect her?

Stranger: A sister does not expect a brother to protect her?

You: I think there are circumstances that a husband can misunderstand what constitutes "protecting" his wife

Stranger: We are not talking about those circumstances

You: Someone more conservatively minded may consider that a a certain male friend that daughter has is a threat

Stranger: I do not care about that

Stranger: I know what I am talking about

Stranger: And that is all that matters

You: okay

Stranger: I am not interested in how others interpret it

Stranger: I am talking about what I am talking about

Stranger: Not how others would perceive that

You: okay

Stranger: So why are you bringing that up?

You: I dunno, it didn't sit very well with me for some reason

Stranger: You are against protecting the women you care about from attackers?

You: No, I think I had a different interpretation of your statement than you meant it

Stranger: What I said was very straight forward

You: I was just thinking of times when other people wanted things for me that I didn't want for myself

Stranger: You were thinking of a time someone broke into your home or raped you, and got angry at someone intervening?

You: Nope, we are thinking of different things

Stranger: What I said was straight forward

Stranger: How could you misinterpret it?

You: I think the mentality was similar to something else that I recognized

Stranger: So you accused me of something instead of asking me to clarify

You: Sorry; I think we just took "defended" to mean different things

You: Like for me I was thinking of the more figurative instances like: "I am defending your interests" "This is good for you" "That's bad for you"

Stranger: I never said anything like that

You: You didn't

Stranger: The exampled I gave were of paralyzed men or missing limbs or unable to walk

Stranger: It should have been obvious that when I said defending I was talking about something physical

You: Yeah, sorry, I think my own experiences just got in the way

Stranger: But instead your pathetic biases lead you into a conclusion that was erroneous

Stranger: Because you have a preconceived notion of what certain people are like

Stranger: Nothing to say?

You: Yeah, not really, sorry

Stranger: So what are you waiting around for?

You: I tabbed away briefly

You: I'm not sure what I'm waiting for

You: what about you?

Stranger: I am waiting for a response

You: I admit that I have baggage

You: I think a lot of people have baggage, and it leads to numerous misunderstandings

Stranger: I have absconded with mine. Why haven't you?

You: Hm? I don't always perceive it as a weakness though

You: I think we are the sum of our experiences

You: the good ones and the bad ones

Stranger: You are making me angry

You: sorry

Stranger: I cant stand when people blame their past for their behavior

You: what should I say instead?

Stranger: How about nothing

Stranger: How about you instead let go of the past and not let it dictate who you are

You: I don't exactly have a bad relationship with my past though

You: I like the way that my past has shaped the current me

Stranger: Why were you hesitant to tell me you are a woman

You: well let me scroll up

You: "This seems above your ability to fully grasp so it makes me think you are a woman"

You: ^ How would somebody not react negatively to that?

Stranger: Why would you hide it

You: Because I was annoyed for a moment and decided to be annoying in a brief moment

Stranger: Typical female behavior

Stranger: Passive aggressiveness and pettiness

Stranger: Did that annoy you too?

You: No, I'm not really that surprised anymore

Stranger: How old are you

You: 26

Stranger: I thought I was talking to a teenager

You: mhm, I've been told similar before

Stranger: Are you married

You: no

Stranger: Why not

You: why should I?

Stranger: Are you ugly

You: lol does it matter to you?

Stranger: Yes

You: sure, let's say I'm ugly then

Stranger: What do you look like

You: I don't feel any need to continue this conversation down this path

Stranger: Lol

Stranger: Alright then

Stranger: Does it make you uncomfortable

You: yes and no, but mostly no

Stranger: So what is the issue

You: I have my own moral standards too

Stranger: Do your moral standards prohibit you from talking about your face

You: pretty much

You: you can think of it as a high bar that makes it easy to define something black and white

Stranger: What is your race

You: loool

You: why do you suddenly care now?

Stranger: You said 'black and white' and it reminded me of something I forgot to ask earlier

You: lol

You: do you normally ask early on?

Stranger: Yes, it is important to know

You: lol I guess it's your fault for forgetting to ask

Stranger: Yes, so what is your race

You: I'm skipping this question and leaving it to you to interpret it in the worst way possible ^^

You: seems fun to me

Stranger: You are Asian

You: why would you think that?

Stranger: I am a racist. Determining race is inherent

You: it's kind of amusing to me that you picked asian

Stranger: Well if you must know

Stranger: You tend to take things a little literally, and you have a formal tone, and that is typical for Asians

Stranger: The way you respond to certain things suggests a very foreign cultural background

Stranger: All of that to me says Asian

Stranger: Oriental, rather

You: Fine, helpful of you to put it into words I guess

Stranger: Is it still amusing

You: Maybe?

You: I thought certain things were just me though

Stranger: So can you tell me your race

Stranger: If you are worried that I will make fun of you for it, I do not mock people anymore

You: nah, I won't share details

You: I'm a little stubborn in the sense that once I've decided something, I'm pretty adamant about it

You: but you are welcome to believe what you believe

Stranger: What is the purpose of not sharing that detail

You: it's an emotional defense mechanism for myself

You: there are certain lines that I do not cross on omegle

Stranger: I already said I will not mock you or use it against you

You: it is a rule that I hold myself to

You: that's not really the point

Stranger: Alright then

Stranger: Let us talk outside of omegle

You: lol and that is one of my rules lol

Stranger: Unfortunate

You: is it?

Stranger: I will not insist

Stranger: Yes

Stranger: I was starting to like you

You: I'm flattered, but I'm not interested in using omegle for those purposes

Stranger: What purpose are you referring to

You: mhm, getting to know people in the many ways that it means

Stranger: That is disappointing

You: I am actually rather distrusting and antisocial to some regards

You: in either case, I'm not interested in friends

Stranger: I understand

You: In either case, thank you for spending this time with me, and I feel like I was able to hear a lot

Stranger: Alright

You: best wishes to you and your mom!

Stranger: Lol

#omegle #fascism #misogny #racism #religion #transcript #strength #honor #spirituality #christianity #masculinity #politics #unemployment

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vitanitf · 8 years ago

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PHYSICAL !!

1. Describe the character’s height and build. Is she heavyset, thin, short, rangy? She’s thin, or I would put it as athletic. She’s 5′4, so she’s kind of small to be so intimidating. 2. How old is she? Eighteen. 3. Describe her posture. Does she carry herself well or does she slouch? She walks with her back straight and her head held high. 4. How is her health? Is she fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities? Hella fit. She works out a lot, so there’s no way you’re ever going to find her without a six pack. 5. How does she move? Is she clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid? Graceful. Easy. But sharp. Like she’s cutting through the air with every step she takes. 6. How attractive is this character physically? How does she perceive herself in the mirror? If Vitani needed to dress up to stun information out of someone, she would do it, but otherwise she doesn’t think about it. When she looks in the mirror, she doesn’t want to see beauty. She wants to see strength. 7. Describe her complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred? She is biracial but light-skinned. Her skin is very smooth, which must just be good genes considering she has never done a beauty ritual in her life. 8. Describe her hair: color, texture, style. Brown. At the moment my assumption is that it looks like this. It has been both shorter* and longer*, but she found long hair just got in the way. Naturally her hair is curly* but she often keeps it straight because it’s easier to manage. Another perk to having short hair. 9. What color are her eyes? Dark brown. 10. Does the character have any other noteworthy features? She has a mole by her nose and one on her neck that are often visible. Other than that I would say maybe the obsessive amount of dark eye makeup she wears. 11. What are her chief tension centers? Definitely her shoulders. 12. What is the character’s wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or does he/she have six of the same suit? Badass. Think biker girl outfits. Leather jackets, white tees, gray tank tops, ripped jeans, silver chokers, heavy black boots, fingerless leather gloves from time to time. Dark eyeliner. Blood red nails, occasionally lipstick to match. It’s intimidating. She’s not a colorful dresser. 13. Do her clothes fit well? Does she seem comfortable in them? She’s very comfortable in them. The way she dresses makes her feel powerful. 14. Does she dress the same on the job as she does in her free time? If not, what are the differences? She’s not going to dress for anyone but herself. Her outfits vary depending on the weather -- she isn’t about to wear a leather jacket when it’s eighty degrees out -- but otherwise, her style is consistent. 15. You knew it was coming: Boxers, briefs or commando? She’s definitely a boxers kind of girl.

SPEECH !!

1. What does this character’s voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse? She basically sounds like Ashley**. She has a very sweet, childish voice. Fairly hoarse. Anyone that overheard Vitani speaking might think she was innocent because of the way she sounds. They would be wrong. 2. How does she normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Does she talk easily, or does she hesitate? She talks easily and evenly. She has no problem raising or lowering her volume if the situation calls for it. 3. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics? She uses pet names to patronize quite a bit. Things like love, sweetie, princess, baby girl, honey, doll. She also swears at any given chance. 4. What language/s does she speak, and with how much fluency? Fluent English and only the little bit of Spanish she's learned in school. 5. Does she switch languages or dialects in certain situations? No. If she’s seriously pissed she might not speak as correctly, using “nothing” in place of of “anything” (ex: my parents aren’t afraid of nothin’) or throwing in an “ain’t” but otherwise she sounds about the same. 6. Is she a good impromptu speaker, or does she have to think about her words? Impromptu. 7. Is she eloquent or inarticulate? Under what circumstances might this change? Eloquent. Even when she’s angry, she is usually calm and collected.

MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL !!

1. How intelligent is this character? Is she book-smart or street-smart? Vitani is fairly smart when it comes to schoolwork, enough to pass all of her classes with better than decent grades, but she’s especially street-smart. She had to be. 2. Does she think on her feet, or does she need time to deliberate? On her feet. 3. Describe the character’s thought process. Is she more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical? I would say both. Her logic is clouded by hatred and pride but she is smart enough not to make spontaneous decisions that will come back to bite her... usually. 4. What kind of education has the character had? She is a high school senior. That’s it as of right now. 5. What are her areas of expertise? What, if anything, is she interested in learning more about? Hurting people. Weapons. I don’t know, man. She’d rather be out of school and working for a living. 6. Is she an introvert or an extrovert? More of an introvert, but she mostly just hates people. 7. Describe the character’s temperament. Is she even-tempered or does she have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven? Oh, she’s driven alright. It’s hard to call them mood swings because she’s always in the same hateful mood but Kiara can really push her buttons. She drives her one step closer to snapping. She’s angry so often that she’s a calm angry, but definitely too easily set off. 8. How does she respond to new people or situations? Is she suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic? Bored. Alert. She’s always surveying people. You never know what information you may need to use against them in the future. 9. Is she more likely to act, or to react? Act. Or react vengefully. 10. Which is her default: fight or flight? Fight with a capital F. 11. Describe the character’s sense of humor. Does she appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks? She's sadistic. Her humor is terrible. She laughs over people getting injured or creepy death jokes. I don't want to understand what goes on in her mind. 12. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how does she deal with them? Nope. 13. What moments in this character’s life have defined her as a person? Many of the most defining moments were seemingly unimportant ones with her mother. All of the things that she said, bad things about the Santucci family and comments about being a strong woman, they went straight to Vitani’s head. She bought into it all. Had she been raised by another person, she would have turned out to be vastly different. Kovu betraying the family was no doubt the most defining at all. That was the last thing to turn any little bit of warmth left in her eyes ice cold. Any chances of her redemption are long gone now, and she’s willing to put all of the blame on him no matter how unfair that may be. 14. What does she fear? I honestly don't believe Vitani knows fear. 15. What are her hopes or aspirations? To watch Kiara die. To be a respected and feared leader, to follow in the footsteps of her mother. 16. What is something she doesn’t want anyone to find out about her? That she’s human. That she does have feelings, deep down, way way deep down, underneath that stone exterior.

RELATIONSHIPS !!

1. Describe the character’s relationship with her parents. Her father was never in the picture. It’s only been her mother for as long as she can remember, and she knows she doesn’t love her. The feeling is mutual. She doesn’t need love. As a young child she was envious over the way that Kovu got all the credit, the way he was favored, but none of that matters anymore. She has proven her worth, and she will continue to prove her worth. She does want her mother to be proud of her and she’ll do whatever it takes. 2. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like? Not good, pal. Not good. She used to be close to Kovu, but these days she’s out for his blood. And Nuka, well, he’s just right pitiful. She doesn't care to associate with him. 3. Are there other blood relatives to whom she is close? Are there ones she can’t stand? Every member of The Outsiders are family, related or not. That is where her loyalty lies. 4. Are there other, unrelated people whom she considers part of his family? What are her relationships with them? See above. 5. Who is/was the character’s best friend? How did they meet? At one point she would have considered Kovu her best friend. Now she has no one. 6. Does she have other close friends? Nah fam. 7. Does she make friends easily, or does she have trouble getting along with people? It may have something to do with the fact that she is likely to threaten to rip peoples heads off for minor inconveniences, but she is not so great at making friends. She doesn't want to anyway. 8. Which does she consider more important: family or friends? Family. 9. Is the character single, married, divorced, widowed? Has she been married more than once? Single. 10. Is she currently in a romantic relationship with someone other than a spouse? She doesn’t even want one romantic relationship. You won’t find her juggling two. 11. Who was her first crush? Who is her latest? Some boy in middle school. She hasn't allowed herself to crush on anyone since. 12. What does she look for in a romantic partner? She doesn’t. 13. Does the character have children? Grandchildren? If yes, how does she relate to them? If no, does she want any? No, and she doesn't particularly want any. In next gen verse she does have a son and she is a surprisingly good mother. Not great. But good. 14. Does she have any rivals or enemies? Ha. Haha. Hahaha. 15. What is the character’s sexual orientation? Where does she fall on the Kinsey scale? Bisexual. Probably a 3 or a 4. She finds more females physically attractive but there's plenty of male eye candy out there too. 16. How does she feel about sex? How important is it to her? She’s definitely more open to sex than relationships. She doesn’t see it as this deep meaningful thing. There’s no shame in some good, no strings attached sex once awhile. 17. What are her turn-ons? Turn-offs? Weird bedroom habits? Her turn-ons are neck kissing, pain. She’s lowkey kinky. Whips, chains, handcuffs. You know. She marks people’s chests and backs with her nails. Those scratches won’t go away for awhile. Whoever she is with can also expect to leave with a few hickeys. Just don’t go spouting about feelings or she’s out of there.

BELIEFS !!

1. Do you know your character’s astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well does she fit type? She’s a Leo. Ironic, right? Leos are known to be passionate leaders, stubborn, independent yet loyal, confident, brave and inflexible. But they are also said to be generous, lazy, cheerful, warmhearted and humorous with a taste for wealth. So it isn’t a perfect fit, but I’d say it’s as close as you’ll find for her. 2. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in her life? She doesn’t give it much thought. It’s hard to believe that some man in the sky is up there loving and protecting everyone unconditionally. Not that it matters. Surely if there is an afterlife hers will be spent suffering. 3. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it? She has very few morals. If it’s going to get her what she wants, she’ll do it. 4. How does she regard beliefs that differ from hers? Is she tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent? By scoffing and rolling her eyes. She isn’t going to go out of her way to knock someone’s religion or anything, but she doesn’t mind having an argument if it comes up. 5. What prejudices does she hold? Are they irrational or does she have a good reason for them? She’s prejudice towards the entire Santucci clan, but whether that is for good reason or not depends on who you ask.

DAILY LIFE !!

1. What is the character’s financial situation? Is she rich, poor, comfortable, in debt? She has never been very wealthy and it has never bothered her. 2. What is her social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected her? In school, she does not know nor care how people perceive her. She would like to be feared, but she’s got that covered. Back at home, with The Outsiders, she climbed the ranks and she plans on doing the same when she gets back. She has a craving for power. 3. Where does she live? House, apartment, trailer? Is her home her castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Does she share it with others? She lived with her mother and brothers before her life got all shook up and she ended up at Walt Academy. It wasn’t anything fancy but it was home. She had no attachment to it just as she has no attachment to her dorm room, which has stayed as untouched and undecorated as possible on her side. She isn’t so fond of having a roommate. 4. Besides the basic necessities, what does she spend her money on? She doesn’t spend much money. Material things mean very little to her. 5. What does she do for a living? Is she good at it? Does she enjoy it, or would she rather be doing something else? At the moment she’s just a student. She would much rather be at home, running things with her mother. And she plans to be back there as soon as possible. 6. What are her interests or hobbies? How does she spend her free time? Playing with Kiara and Kovu voodoo dolls. No, in all seriousness, her spare time is spent plotting revenge and exercising/training. She has very little patience for the things that are entertainment for average people. 7. What are her eating habits? Does she skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods? She tries to eat somewhat healthy to stay in shape, but she isn’t picky. She eats what she gets. Seeing as she isn’t much of a cook, it’s usually fast food or instant meals. A lot of fruit and veggies. She doesn’t drink that often but trust me -- the girl can hold her liquor.

ASSOCIATIONS !!

1. Color? Red. Also black. But mostly red. 2. Smell? Smoke. 3. Time of day? Midnight. 4. Season? Summer. 5. Book? She doesn’t read much. 6. Music? Soft female voices with a creepy tone. Anything by Daughter, Melanie Martinez, Lana Del Rey, Sky Ferreira... she has a very particular sound... 7. Place? New Jersey. 8. Substance? Vodka. 9. Plant? Roses. Because they look beautiful but they have thorns. 10. Animal? Lions. For... obvious reasons.

EVERY * LEADS TO A PICTURE !!

#watask #task.#stats.

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insession-io · 5 years ago

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When a Dating Dare Leads to Months of Soul Searching

It had been a glorious first date, but for her there was a big problem: They were both of Asian descent.

At 2 a.m., two blocks from Chinatown, Sarah ended our first date by telling me that my race might be an issue.

What was supposed to be a one-hour coffee date had evolved into a nine-hour marathon. From discussing the five love languages during dinner to telling stories about our exes at Coit Tower, we didn’t even notice that we had traversed four San Francisco neighborhoods and logged 10,000 steps.

We had a lot in common, having experienced what some might describe as all-American upbringings. Born and raised in America’s former Wild West (she in Texas, I in Colorado), we had read “Little House on the Prairie” and learned to square-dance in cowboy boots. We’d both spent time on the football field — she in the marching band, I as a strong safety. She loves country music and, well, I don’t hate country music.

Over dinner, we connected when we opened up about our strained relationships with our mothers and how we came into our own when we went to college out of state. Our thoughts and values mirrored each other, as did our Myers-Briggs personality types. Then, as we strolled to the front of her apartment building, Sarah said, “I have to tell you something.”

I smiled, expecting something from one of the countless jokes we had shared that day. Instead, she said, “You’re the first Asian guy I’ve ever gone on a date with. I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

After talking nonstop all day, I was at a loss for words. Because here’s the kicker: Sarah is Asian-American. Her parents immigrated from Taiwan. Mine came from mainland China.

“If things don’t work out,” she said, “would it hurt your confidence?”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” I said. “I’ve got enough confidence for both of us. When my friends ask what happened, I’ll say, ‘She had everything going for her, but sometimes things get between people.’” I smiled. “‘Like racism.’”

She gave a halfhearted laugh. “I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t like Asian things. I love all Asian food, even stinky tofu. It’s just that I’ve never really been attracted to Asian men. I think it’s because there weren’t a lot of Asians in my small Texas town. All the Asian men I knew were either my friends’ dads or like nerdy brothers to me.”

It was as if she were swiping right on the parts of her heritage she liked and swiping left on the parts she didn’t.

I knew Sarah wasn’t unusual when it came to these preferences. It’s shockingly common to come across profiles that say, “Sorry, no Asians.”

Maybe Asian men need better representation. When I was growing up, there were no mainstream movies like “Crazy Rich Asians” putting a spotlight on attractive Asian leading men. There were no all-Asian boy bands like BTS gracing the cover of Time and winning over American teenagers on “Saturday Night Live.”

With Sarah’s admission, the last nine minutes of our date undid the previous nine hours. You hear stories of people being catfished by fake online profiles. My date was turning into a catfish tale of its own; I was out with someone who had revealed herself to be completely different from who she first appeared to be. I wondered: Is this actual racism, or, even more pernicious, internalized racism — a form of self-hatred?

“I grew up believing Asians weren’t desired,” Sarah said. “I just wanted to fit in, but my friends had a hard time understanding my parents, and our house didn’t look or smell like my friends’ homes. Whenever I complained about how different we were, my parents would just remind me that despite my efforts, people will always treat me like I don’t belong.”

Her saying that clarified something for me. Despite our similarities, we didn’t have the same experience growing up. I was never in want of attention; in fact, I probably received more because I was one of the few Asian students in school. I could be embarrassed by my parents’ broken English at parent-teacher conferences, but what boy isn’t embarrassed by his parents? Most important, where Sarah’s parents warned her about her Asian identity, my parents celebrated ours. We were proud to be Asian in America.

Rather than seeing Sarah’s revelations as a red flag, I found them to be honest and vulnerable. And I felt as if I were uniquely suited to understand her predicament. Even though society views us as the same, Sarah grew up thinking being different was a weakness while I grew up thinking different was a strength. As a whole generation of minorities come of age in minority-majority America, I wondered how many other people were grappling with this issue.

I was still perplexed, though. How did we match on the dating app in the first place? She had to swipe right, and I certainly had not become Asian overnight. “So why did you go on a date with me?” I said.

She exhaled and looked at me imploringly. “Because my friends dared me to go on one date with an Asian guy. And you’re not what I expected. I realize how horrible this sounds, but I guess I, too, feed into the Asian stereotype.”

We were standing awfully close to each other. It occurred to me this was probably her closest romantic encounter with an Asian man.

I reached out and held her hands. “I think I understand. You really want to kiss me, don’t you?”

She smiled and half rolled her eyes.

Figuring I had nothing to lose, I leaned in gently and kissed her.

She kissed back but then pushed me away and started to reach for the door.

At that point, I didn’t know what to think. Was she rejecting me as a dating formality, or because my race made us an impossibility? I felt indignant. Shouldn’t I reject her outright on behalf of all Asian men?

No.

One of my favorite movies is “Before Sunrise,” where two strangers meet on a train, go on an extended date across a city and begin to fall in love. Celine, the female lead, talks about how when we’re young, we believe there will be many people we’ll connect with, and how only when we’re older do we realize it happens only a few times.

I may have been just 31, but I was old enough to know that this was one of those times.

I thought (hoped!) Sarah felt the same thing, but it seemed my race was keeping her from recognizing it. One night of flirting could hardly undo years of assumptions she had embraced about what is desired. I had never connected so deeply in one date as I had with her and felt thwarted by forces beyond my control.

First dates, by their nature, are not safe spaces. We’re made to confront our preferences and prejudices, whether they be about appearance, race, body shape, intelligence or anything else. One thing was clear, though: As I heard the click of the door opening — the door that would shut me out of her life — I realized I was mistaken about me having enough confidence for both of us.

But she didn’t go inside. She stopped, holding the door slightly open. Then, almost as quickly as she had stepped away, she turned around and, with a sly smile, planted another kiss on my lips.

Many months later, after more dates, kisses and moments of vulnerability over stinky tofu, we decided to get married. On Aug. 31, 2019, we will be tying the knot in my home state.

Sarah thought she knew how she wanted her life to play out. She thought she knew what kind of person she would find attractive and marry. We all do that to some degree, whether those expectations involve race, career choice or the number of children we want. That Sarah was open to examining those assumptions (even encouraging and helping me to write about them) was another quality that drew me to her.

Our childhoods shape us. I hadn’t fully appreciated how Sarah’s had shaped her. Now, at least, we can shape our future together.

By Andrew Lee

Benu Lahiry is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist in San Francisco specializing in Couples Counseling Pacific Heights. Her work is especially helpful for people experiencing anxiety, depression, self-doubt, lack of motivation, and for couples with intimacy issues. She is experienced in many evidence-based therapy modalities, including attachment theory, cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodynamic principles, mindfulness practices, and solution-focused therapy. Her therapeutic style is best described as warm, direct, and collaborative.

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