#there is a d20 who only rolls big or like shit

[getsemantic]

It’s lucky that life set me towards playing dnd and not actual gambling because those dice have a HOLD on me like nothing on this earth

[apuckishwit]

Making Room

Steve never gets into DnD.

Not even after Eddie convinces him to join a one-shot over one Christmas when the kids are all back from college and jobs and far-flung adventures. He's not a jerk about it or anything. He sits and makes a character with his boyfriend and he does his best with the role-playing and he only asks Dustin for help with the dice seven or eight times (and everyone had promised to give him an even dozen before they gave him shit about it, so it was fine). It's fine. He's not mad that he spent the time doing it with Eddie and the kids (some of them taller than him now, in spitting distance of college degrees and first apartments and jobs and spouses and lives, but they'll always be kids to him).

But afterwards he kisses Eddie and says it really and truly isn't for him, sorry babe.

And that's okay.

When he and Robin are scavenging through yet another thrift store for furniture and dishes and lamps for the apartment she and Nancy are getting in Indianapolis (he's so sad that her room in the little house he shares with Eddie is going back to being a guest room, but he's so damn happy that she and Nance have stopped dancing around each other...and they're only moving about half an hour away, he'll still see her all the time), and he spots an impractically long desk/table, onviously custom-built, with an absurd number of drawers and compartments built into it, he buys it immediately. He wrestles it into Eddie's van that they borrowed for the day, and smiles apologetically when Robin has to hold like three boxes on her lap. He gets it into their dining room while Eddie's at work, graciously gifting their own table to Robin and Nancy, and it's worth all the hassle (and the fact that one end of the table pokes about a foot into the living room space) when Eddie comes home to something big enough for even his most complicated campaign maps and with plenty of storage for all his dice and miniatures and source books.

And sturdy enough for Eddie's most...enthusiastic...thanks, they find out that night.

Steve never gets into DnD.

But every time Hellfire (whatever incarnation of Hellfire it is, be it the Hawkins crew or some of the guys from the little record shop Eddie works at in town, or some combination) meets up for a game, they get used to Eddie yelling, "Stevie! Evens or odds?" everytime a situation calls for a luck die. They learn that complimenting the snacks Steve sets out will sometimes get them advantage on a roll. They watch Eddie snag Steve's wrist as he passes in or out of the dining room and get him to roll a D20 for various and random reasons. Steve always obliges, before drifting back to the couch with a beer or a slice of pizza and whatever basketball or baseball game is on.

Steve never gets into DnD.

But sometimes Eddie spreads newspapers over the Campaign Table (TM) and sets pots of paint and rows of miniatures out, and he and Steve sit together for a few hours, Steve slapping on the basecoats with a single pot of white, gray, or black and Eddie going to town on the details while they chat about their day, playing footsie under the table or stealing kisses while they wait for something to dry.

"Babe! I need a name for the friendly barkeep who knows more than he seems!"

"Carl."

"He's a half-orc!"

"Those are the big green guys, right?"

"Yeah!"

"Hmmm. Big Carl."

"Perfect!"

Steve never gets into DnD. But he loves Eddie, and he loves how into DnD Eddie is. So he makes room in his life for this thing that Eddie loves.

***

Eddie never gets into sports.

Like, objectively he understands that some people enjoy running around getting all sweaty, trying to keep some kind of ball away from other people and make it go into some kind of receptacle. And he certainly appreciates the view of some of those people in tight little shorts.

Particularly Steve.

Like honestly? If it wouldn't get him labeled a total creep (and they weren't so careful about giving anyone a reason to question the assumption that they're just two young friends living together to save money until they find respectable women to marry)...he'd park his van out by the little middle school where Steve teaches gym and coaches basketball and baseball every day during his lunch break, just to watch his boyfriend run the mile with his students in those shorts that hug the muscles of his thighs just right.

But he doesn't like sports apart from the strictly prurient interest he has in watching Steve wear sports-appropriate clothes.

He tries. He wants to know just what it is that keeps Steve glued to the TV when his favorite teams are playing, wants to understand why Steve yells and groans and jumps up with wild cheers, spilling popcorn all over the living room floor. He just...doesn't get it. Steve tries to explain March Madness to him one year and it makes no more sense than when Wayne tried to when Eddie was a kid. Eventually he just shrugs, kisses Steve's nose, and goes back to petting through his boyfriend's hair with a, sorry, baby, it's not for me.

And that's okay.

He gets up early the week Steve is overseeing baseball tryouts, to make sure his boyfriend has a travel mug of coffee fixed just the way he likes it, and a good breakfast waiting for him when he gets out of the shower. Steve is unquestionably the cook in their relationship, but Young Eddie ate a lot of breakfast for dinner over the years and Adult Eddie makes damn good pancakes, omelettes, and French toast.

Eddie never gets into sports.

But he gets Lucas to break down exactly what kind of notes and stats Steve will be keeping track of and draws up a template "character sheet" for baseball players, spending an hour at the local library laboriously making copies with their cantankerous mimeograph machine.

He sure as shit never gets up at the crack of dawn to go running around the neighborhood the way Steve does...but on days when it starts raining or snowing halfway through Steve's run, he'll drag himself out of bed and throw some towels in the dryer, so they're nice and warm when Steve comes back inside.

Eddie never gets into sports.

But he takes every overtime shift he can for a month, so he can take Steve to Chicago for his twenty-fifth birthday to see the Bulls play. The seats aren't great or anything, and it's noisy as fuck, crowded as fuck, and he has no idea why his boyfriend is losing his mind every time that Jordan guy so much as touches the ball...but Steve's eyes are sparkling, the color is high in his cheeks, and when they get back to their hotel that night, they've barely closed the door before Steve is shoving him against it, devouring his mouth.

"Hey Eds, Ohio State or Georgia Tech?"

"For what?"

"I'm doing my brackets for the pool I've got with Hopper and Lucas!"

"Um, whoever's in red!"

"Ohio State it is, thanks babe!"

Eddie never gets into sports. But that's okay. He loves Steve, and he loves how happy Steve is when he's playing, or coaching, or running (God help him, he fell in love with someone who gets up at six am to run. Without anything chasing him.) So he makes room in his life for this thing that Steve loves.

Because certainly, love grows in shared passions and matching interests. But it also flourishes in the carefully tended space you make just for the things that make your person happy...even if it's just not for you.

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

💕

Fluffy one shot 💖💫

Eddie hates mistletoe. It reminds him of last year when he was stuck under the offending plant for five minutes with one of those idiot jocks from Jason's squad.

"Come on big boy, give us a kiss" he batted his eyelashes at the dude who finally stormed away muttering the usual insults under his breath.

Then there was the time Tammy Thompson who caught him under it two years ago and kissed him. It was in front of Hellfire and they didn't let him live it down for weeks.

So now he avoided mistletoe like the plague, who's stupid idea was it to hang it up in the school anyway?

He had seen two of his teachers sharing a kiss and that was enough to give him nightmares for a week.

Anytime he saw mistletoe now he would make a run for it, avoided going anywhere near places he knew it would be.

On this particularly Friday, Eddie was on edge and ready to squirrel away somewhere that didn't have happy couples taking advantage under the mistletoe.

Or hear the giggles of girls when they caught their crushes under it...

Or Gareth trying to catch his crush under the mistletoe and ranting in Eddie's ear when it didn't work out.

Maybe he would set up shop in the drama room until Hellfire so he could get some peace?

Jesus h christ he was done for the day and if one more person bothered him...

Someone tugs on his arm and he turns around ready to bitch the asshole out. No doubt it's some clown jock.

Then he sees you smiling at him and his bad mood disapatates completely.

His mood instantly picks up and he feels himself go to mush as you beam at him.

Shit, you really did make him speechless, he usually alternated between showing off for your attention or being like this... A complete and utter goner for you.

"Hi, Eddie" he smiles at you and tries to school his expression so he doesn't look like a goofy idiot.

"Princess" he answers and he loves the way you smile at his nickname for you. Princess was reserved for special people only... Well just you really.

You look nervous. Did he make you feel that way? You made him nervous as shit and he wasn't used to feeling like this.

"Eddie, look" you point up at the ceiling and he freezes when he sees mistletoe.

"Uh hey look at that" he stammers out and his heartbeat races in his chest when you kiss his cheek, he turns his head a fraction and his lips meet yours.

He melts into the kiss. It's perfect. Like rolling a d20 at a critical point in a campaign, mastering Metallica's new song and the first time he saw his sweetheart (his guitar)

The little moan you make leaves Eddie feeling like he's on cloud nine and when you move away he desperately wants to pull you back so he can keep kissing you.

"Maybe now you can finally ask me on that date" you tease him and he obliges as soon as the blood returns to his brain and not uh... Other parts of him.

Okay, it was official. Eddie Munson loved mistletoe.

[sammmyy223]

I run a shit post dnd game. The players and I refer to it by one of two names. Weednd or The Brewicide Squad. The players and myself get inebriated before and during the game.

I’ve gone into some details about the party but for now I want to go into some of the things in the world. These things are in no particular order.

All weapons can be used as a range weapon, in order to do so the person using the melee weapon as a ranged weapon has to explain how the weapon reloads. An example could be that after you shoot your short sword blade you flick the hilt like an old lightsaber toy and a blade is produced.

Jongus (one of the party members) has an ability called “I Know a Place” where he makes a flat d20 roll to find a place. Usually the players use this to find food places. This ability is almost exclusively never used to actually progress the campaign.

All players have “MemePlanks” which for all intents and purposes is just a smartphone.

All players have 1 DM token allowing them to DM a single session. So far 2 players have used tokens and the first player to run ran a Yakuza themed session. The second player ran a session where we had to travel to “Bing Bong land” (England) and fight J.K Rowling and her School of magical kids “Bogsharts” the session ended with the complete and utter destruction of Bing Bong Land.

When it’s the week of a players birthday I will run a special “Birthday session” for the players where the session is mostly themed around the player themself and I try to make a session that’s fun for everyone but special for the birthday player. Personally my favorite birthday session is a tie between The Battle of the Bands session or the Heist session.

The players met a guy named “Hobo Joe” who used to be a tech bro big into cryptocurrency until everyone realized it was worthless and he lost everything. Clinging to the dream that one day cryptocurrency will be valuable they created “Bum Coin”. Bum Coin allows players to get items from irl IP’s and media inside the game. Players can only get Bum Coins by helping Hobo Joe or by investing in bum coin stocks. There are only three stocks they can buy into. “Shippler’s Hole, Stinky GLoS, and Porm” currently he players have entirely invested into porm.

Currently the most dangerous thing the players purchased with bum coin are blueprints for lancers from gears of war.

[stupidstupidratcreatures]

I don't have any topics so 🔪🔪. Actually I like hearing your lancer thoughts even though I don't play or am interested in it so you can use one of the knives on that

this is late, work and moving are kicking my ass. umm here have two lancers. on the house

🔪: in lancer, each player mech (as opposed to npc statblocks) has something called a "core power". this is a power that's allowed to be as flashy and effective as it is because it's balanced around being used once per mission. you activate them by spending 1 CP, which you start each mission with one of and normally never regain*. these come in two versions, powering up something the mech already has for the rest of the fight or a cool special move usable only once. anyway, in a recent supplemental book, they made two mechs with core powers that do this:

Efficient: At the end of any scene in which this system is used, you regain 1 CP.

I Don't Like This! that fundamentally isn't a core power anymore, it's just a different thing now. it's especially weird in the context of the three (iirc) other mechs that have a 1/fight ability that isn't a core power, and actually do have core powers

🔪: i could talk shit about lancer lore all day and have been doing so since Before It Was Cool but i still get really annoyed at the concept of running a lancer game not using the provided setting. it's very deliberately open enough that you can adapt it to anything you want while still keeping it entirely grounded within the setting, and it's really artfully integrated with the crunchier parts of the game. picking apart the flaws in it leads to better and more interesting worldbuilding than (imo) it would have if it actually was cohesive and i genuinely do think you lose something special by ditching it

*there's an ability in the book called "universal compatibility", which fully refreshes you after using a core power and has a small (5%**) chance of giving you back 1 CP

**you can game this so it's more likely with SISYPHUS***, which manipulates d20 rolls, but even then it only adds +10% per person who has that ability (likely only one, maybe two)

***since SISYPHUS has the AI tag, doing this means you can't take any other ability that has the AI tag****. those are all quite good so it's a big investment

****if someone mentions the lesson of shaping in the comments i'm going to kill you. that uses a core bonus the opportunity cost is exactly the same

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

random notes on naddpod c1 ep 1-45

shared here in lieu of chewing my very indifferent friends' ears off irl. For whom it may concern. also why do i keep thinking i could keep these to a single post. this campaign has a hundred episodes.

spoiler warning! you will get no context but still

Scoutmaster Denny *murdered* me. The voice, the whole deal. I started this podcast on a trainride and fully lost it over Denny in public

“Let’s cast waterwalking on the boat!” “…Emily, that’s just a boat.”

Hardwon on the dumb mating call idea: "can't we just break a bunch of sticks or something? why do we have to make it horny?" and Murph losing the fucking plot in the background

DM lightly threatens player’s pet, endangers his marriage, more at 10

JONAH

“The animals are going batshit. Even the bats.”

legit every time they describe someone and then land on "they're just hot" almost nothing they describe works for me, it's kind of hilarious

also a truly staggering percentage of the NPCs are naked

Moonshine is saved by an almost literal Deus Ex Machina as Pawpaw descends from the Heavens carried by a very helpful centaur

-

The reaction to the last remaining dude attacking Beverly in the Ezry lab cracked me up. “We’re trying to watch a cutscene! Read the room!”

-

whenever Emily shows the slightest hint of disappointment or frustration the world will immediately alter just a little to make her feel better (like retroactively making the stairs unsafe because Emily saved a whole spell slot to climb the wall of the tower). This is the cutest shit and also it took them TWELVE episodes to call Murph out on it

(I'm much further into the podcast now and i can't believe none of them have tried to weaponise this blatant weakness even once)

-

A BROOMBA is sweeping the floor

nothing is better than Murph doing Pawpaw but his fucked-up sounding seagull is a close second. Truly capturing the personality of those damn bastards, the man is the king of the garbage critters

Emily feels SO guilty about sending this dumb bird to die

Coming into this with the only prior experience of DnD being Brennan and Aabria is kind of wild. Like D20 campaigns you'll get the big philosphical speeches for the emotional beats and here's Murph with an equally heartfelt "Life just sucks ass, you know?"

Hardwon finding out about his parents is SUCH a good scene

“Are they bioluminescent?” “No.” “Can they be?” “Yeah, okay.” (16/17)

“Get out of town!” “I can’t, I’m a mushroom. I just stay here.”

Emily: “Oh, scrying means spying!” “It doesn’t, but-“ Murph, .2 seconds within Emily getting ‘um actually’-ied on dnd: “It does in this game, wiseass.”

Ol' Cobb’s big day!

When Hardwon goes down and the whole table has to watch Murph fight this intense squirmish against himself. Just a guy rolling dice and talking to himself. God that’s so funny (19/20)

Bev’s big day! Also Bev’s first kiss! (19-20)

-

they’re really going all out for Ol' Cobb. Now he has a tragic lovestory too! (21)

“The High Elves believe that they were banished because they were cousins who wanted to get married. The Crick Elves believe they were third cousins at most. The truth is somewhere in-between.” “Second cousins?” “They were second cousins.”

Not to be cheesy on main but the Crick is such a love letter. Like it’s so obvious how much care and heart went into this almagation of all the silly asides Emily has thrown out

I have one (1) American irl friend and they're from a smalltown in North Carolina so all I'm hearing is people approximating my friend's accent with varying consistency and success

the Crick sounds like paradise and my worst nightmare, simultaneously

having Pawpaw's mother speak and also speak in the most matter-of-fact serious tone (22) is the funniest thing to ever happen. truly inspired.

Hardwon swears fealty to a middle-aged possum? what is happening

Jake v Murph’s ice ban is priceless (23) - “I caught Jake downstairs shovelling ice into his drink out of a bucket with a scoop - you had a scoop! - and he tried to cover it up and hide it!” “It was a joke!” “It sounds like you got caught though! Can you get caught making a joke?” #lifttheiceban

“I’m sure people will get the expedited version of the puzzle solving section-“ “No, give them the nine-hour cut, with just a full hour of us screaming at Murph begging for the answer.” “Join us for our new podcast, Puzzle Dullards.” (23)

Increasingly chaotic openings: “I am furious and I am also Brian Murphy” “If you edit out all my binks, I swear to Melora I’ll… I’m gonna pants you in your sleep!” (24)

Moonshine describing marble as “polite rock”

Emily attempts some straight up gaslighting: “Can I summon Illuminate Mystery?” “…that’s not… that’s not a real spell, you jerk.”

“Murph, if you kill Meemaw regardless of what happens in the fog just because it’s narratively interesting, I will sleep on the couch. For months.” “If Murph sleeps on the couch, is that a Murphy bed?” “No, I’ll sleep on the couch.” “Okay, if Meemaw dies, Emily will be punishing herself.” (25)

Not Murph giving Moonshine crickrot only to be audibly distressed when Emily is sad about it (26)

And then channeling this distress through her fictional pet possum

Pawpaw really is the funniest self-insert character of all time

“Balnor, are you from WWI?” I adore this theory and wish it were canon. But also he talked about fridges a bunch so probably not?

Okay but in all seriousness the whole Marabelle arc is SO GOOD

And Hardwon’s earnest devotion to Mawmaw is actually oddly touching ngl

-

Murph as the voice of Hardwon’s drug addiction is *devious* (30)

That NPC casino employee making zero efforts at the pirate lingo

Siobhan’s character trying to talk to Pawpaw!! Pawpaw being described as Moonshine’s accountant!!

Literally my reaction whenever pawpaw makes an appearance:

Moonshine backing out of that threesome and opting back in like five times and also roping Balnor into it is GOLD

Genuinely the strategy to fake an immediate orgasm and sprint out in embarrassment is actually probably not the worst way to get out of a foursome? Maybe?

"And Siobhan Thompson as Apple Scrumper." "MVP! MVP! MVP!" "Yeah, Apple is the only one conscious right now." "Right now, MVP stands for Most Vertical Person."

Murph treating his Jersey accent like a full-on speech impediment

"Why are you writing that down? I haven't given you guys anything!" "This is Caldwell, out of character, trying to be helpful!" "No, this is Caldwell, out of character, wanting that money for Bev!"

(in)voluntary horse murder

Emily's thornwhip move!! her MIND

-

"So do we go and look for him or do I just cast Skywrite and make the clouds say something threatening to him?" "You're going to threaten him with clouds? Okay."

"LIAR! LIAR BOY! YOU'RE NOT A REAL GREEN TEEN!" "I would never lie! It's true! The stratosphere wouldn't allow for it, I'm sorry!"

Murph making a huge deal about how it would be impossible to see skywriting at night when the way bigger issue is that Moonshine is illiterate. They keep forgetting that and it's funny every time

Moonshine firmly believing that Pawpaw knows how to write and him just writing "MO" every time is my absolute favourite bit I hope it never ends

"Wait a minute, you're in the middle of a swamp and you summoned a big, beefy horse?" "Horses can swim! Horses can swim!" "We've all seen Neverending Story, okay?" [crowd boos] "I will kill your horse! I dare you to boo me!" "Don't boo, he thrives off of it..."

Murph is channeling so much rage at something workout related here. who hurt you

"You all killed my family! My friends!" "You also did that." "You might have killed more of them than we did." "Truly all I did was hold a door shut." This is vicious I forgot how off the walls fucked up the whole Josh thing was

"Shit now I gotta do math in front of people."

Caldwell's silly little poems are actually so fucking impressive tho

"What's the damage on that?" "Rolling still." that is SO ominous

-

Spent this entire fight thinking the Watchman was throwing I beams at the BOB. Deeply confused when Murph said his players would get mad at him if he didn’t count those as spells. They meant “eye beams” as in laser beams from his eyes, and bottom line is English sucks because you can’t communicate anything clearly

-

“Murph, you’re living it up in this city.” “Yeah, you’ve invented a city full of anti-goof robots.” “The anti-goof police is out in full force.”

Murph setting up a super high-stakes social environment where the cast cannot pull their usual shenanigans and then deciding this will also be the arc where all the NPCs relentlessly flirt at Moonshine is honestly hilarious

holy shit no punches are being pulled in first half of the Frostwind arc. yeesh

Their massively lame "Headgum does Red Wedding" bit

Emily's Melora bits finally went too far: "Oh, Melora is masturbating in the corner!" "... Jesus." "Eww! That's the worst one!" "That is some Blumhouse shit, Emily!"

I think this podcast is the first time I've ever heard the word “brazier” actually pronounced out loud, and I hate it! please stop saying it

Murph taking the occasional run up at the fourth wall to go 'hey this is pretty good! who wrote this' always amuses me. i get it, if I could do that with my own writing i would

the 'one big bed' bit warms my heart. They keep trying to make it weird but honestly i still mostly come away missing big sleepovers

"I'm not afraid of the elements! The nature of mushrooms is sort of -" "Moonshine... mushrooms don't grow here." *Moonshine's life flashes before her eyes*

I know Balnor just confirmed he was around post early 80s because he quoted ESB, but the way he reacted to that whole gnarly giant murder and disembowelment is *really* giving WWI vibes

Starting to suspect Murph also just learned how to pronounce brazier. There seem to be a weird amount of them around, nobody has a campfire or an oven or a hearth or a fireplace…

The life and times of Ram Daniel

“I can’t tell you what a bad place this was to do a blood ritual.” Oh what a good and reassuring thing to hear from your DM

Murph starting to rate their little intros and immediately getting "bullied" into changing Emily's grade to an A (43)

“I sing a quick Gashlight Anthem”

Emily rolling for her dream and dreaming about Pawpaw dissolving, “that’s a one roll you monster!”

Murph stop making fantasy meth sound fun challenge

This party being fifty percent functionally illiterate is somehow still funny

-

"Bev crit on finding Werther's one time, and then failed a check to see cannons coming at his house, and his mom, his boyfriend and his grandma almost died."

"Everyone is hot, everyone is horny, welcome to NADDPod" well at least he admits it

[tigerkirby215]

5e Vex, the Gloomiest build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Horace “Hozure” Hsu. Made for Riot Games.)

Writing this build in a dark room late at night, super tired and stuff... Stuck inside cause of this dumb virus... AFKing in TFT for a Prestige skin like a tryhard... It’s kinda aesthetic, ya know?

GOALS

Another person to kill... Shadow? Can you handle it? - You don’t need best friends: you’ve got your Shadow. He’s the only cool one, because he’s basically you.

Ugh. Can we get some rain clouds in here? - No one likes a debbie downer, but everyone loves a good scare!

Man, walking suuuucks - Nowadays even the anti-dash champion needs a resetting dash. “Do the thing, Shadow.”

RACE

I could make Vex a Harengon to justify her rabbit ears, but she doesn’t really do much “jumping.” That, and I didn’t buy Wild Beyond the Witchlight. So Halfling still works good enough for a yordle. Your Dexterity increases by 2, and while your movement speed goes down to 25 you have Halfling Nimbleness to move through people who are bigger than you. You’re also “Brave” for advantage against fears (when you hang around the Shadow Isles stuff really isn’t that scary) and of course have good ol’ yordle Lucky to reroll Nat 1s.

Halflings are normally pretty cheerful but Ghostwise Halflings are perfectly dark. You’d normally increase your Wisdom by 1 but I’d recommend increasing your Constitution instead. But I mean, it’s not a big deal if you take Wisdom instead. It is only +1. You also get Silent Speech to keep to team chat with 30 foot telepathy. I mean, they have to understand your languages but at least you don’t have to tell everyone what you’re talking about. And oh yeah you obviously speak Common and Halfling.

ABILITY SCORES

15; CHARISMA - Turns out when you don’t release any new yordles for (wait it’s been 5 years since Kled was released? Holy shit) people end up wanting them.

14; DEXTERITY - Just because you don’t like walking doesn’t mean you’re slow.

13; CONSTITUTION - Imagine dying like a normie.

12; WISDOM - Vex isn’t sad because she’s pessimistic. She’s just realistic.

10; INTELLIGENCE - You’re too cool for school. (And I needed everything else more.)

8; STRENGTH - Ughhh I don’t wanna lift heavy stuff! I’m tired...

BACKGROUND

I guess you’re technically a Haunted One, even if the black mist is the best thing that ever happened to you. You get proficiency in Arcana and Survival as well as two language of your choice to talk to your "allies.” (I guess one of them has to be exotic or whatever.) (I’d personally pick Sylvan as the language of yordles and whatever language the majority of your party knows as your second choice, but that’s just me.)

The thing that sucks about having a Heart of Darkness is that everyone keeps trying to help you, thinking that your sadness (and the living shadow on your back) is something to be fixed. I mean, at least you can get the NPC normies to help you, as long as you don’t spook ‘em. “No doctors! I told you: being sad makes me happy.”

(Artwork by @ToggleD0wnFall on Twitter.)

THE BUILD

or whatever...

LEVEL 1 - SORCERER 1

Starting as a Sorcerer for saving throws and stuff. Also proficiency in Intimidation and... Persuasion, I guess? Look, persuading people that you’re fine “no really” is a skill too.

I wonder what Sorcerous Origin we’ll pick... If only there was one based entirely on shadows and darkness... Oh hey Shadow Magic. As a Shadow Sorcerer you get Eyes of the Dark for 120 feet of Darkvision to see with your dumb Halfling eyes, and Strength of the Grave which will let Shadow take a hit for you. (As long as you make a good Charisma save.)

But of course the main appeal of a Sorcerer is the Spellcasting. You can learn 4 cantrips from the Sorcerer list and two level spells: For cantrips Mage Hand will let Shadow pick things up for you, Mind Sliver and Sword Burst will keep loud people off you both up close and from afar, and Prestidigitation will let you do all sorts of normie yordle magic. As for leveled spells Shield and Mage Armor are both kinda mandatory for some Personal Space.

LEVEL 2 - WARLOCK 1

What? Did you really think we wouldn’t get at least some support from adults? Work for that cool gloomy dude Viego and make a pack with The Undead. That’s because Undead are super dark and morbid and have a Form of Dread: as a bonus action you can turn on your Doom and Gloom for 1 minute. You get some temporary hit points, fear people when you hit them, and are immune to fears yourself. You can transform a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus and regain all expended uses when you finish a long rest.

You also get Pact Magic, which is different from normie Spellcasting because you get the cool stuff done with just a Short Rest. Anyways you can learn two cantrips from the Warlock list like Minor Illusion to have Shadow trick some normies and Eldritch Blast to Eldritch while you Blast. You can also grab some first level Warlock spells like Hex to mark people you don’t like, and Arms of Hadar if you really need your Personal Space.

LEVEL 3 - WARLOCK 2

Second level Warlocks get their Eldritch Invocations for extra stuff that you don’t have to put effort into. While Armor of Shadows does exist it’s honestly better for you to cast Mage Armor with a spell slot, so with that being said take Agonizing Blast to agonize while you blast and Eldritch Mind so you can keep your concentration around annoying people.

You can also learn another spell like Hellish Rebuke, because people just keep barging into your Personal Space!

LEVEL 4 - SORCERER 2

Now that you can agonize your blasts it’s time to go back to Sorcerer. Second level Sorcerers get a Font of Magic for Sorcery Points which currently don’t do much other than give you more spell slots. You can turn your Warlock slots into Sorcery points though, which is good because they come back on a Short Rest but the rest of your magic does not.

You can also cast another spell like Earth Tremor, to slow people down with Looming Darkness and sunder the land with your edginess.

LEVEL 5 - SORCERER 3

Third level Sorcerers finally get Metamagic! Empowered Spell will allow you to maximize your damage and retain your role as an artillery mage. Alternatively if you want to guarantee fears in your foes take Heightened Spell to give them disadvantage to resist Shadow’s influence.

If you want Shadow to stick around then Dust Devil will swirl around for quite awhile. Alternatively Shadow (Magic) also teaches you Darkness for free, and you can cast it with 2 Sorcery Points to see through it! Your friends can’t see through it, but you can team up with Shadow for some powerful combos when you can see them but they can’t see you!

(Artwork by @jpdiasarts on Twitter.)

LEVEL 6 - SORCERER 4

4th level Sorcerers get the first of many Ability Score Improvements, but I can’t take Fey Touched every time for Flash. That, and we won’t give into basic yordle society. So let’s get value out of our Halfling race with the Second Chance feat. Along with +1 to your Charisma you can also use your reaction to make an enemy you can see attacking you reroll their attack roll, potentially making them miss.

Don’t use this against an attack that you can Shield against, but if someone gets a really good roll you can use this to get your Personal Space back! You can only use this once per combat though (it comes back when you roll for initiative!) so make sure to use it when it matters to keep your spell slots in check.

Oh and you can also learn another spell, and another cantrip! For your cantrip Shocking Grasp will help you push people away if they get too close (folk tend to react poorly when zapped by a tazer!) As for leveled spells Web will keep foes from dashing around, and is also pretty flammable. Huhn; wonder if that’ll be useful.

LEVEL 7 - SORCERER 5

5th level Sorcerers get gifts from the Ruined Queen Tasha in the form of Magical Guidance. You can use a Sorcery point to reroll a d20 if needed, potentially squeezing a success out. Don’t use this all the time (even if Warlock slots means you’ll have plenty of Sorcery points to spare) but this can be very useful in an emergency!

You can also learn third level spells and hey: Fireball may be a normie spell, but it’s still pretty effective. It’s maybe a bit too flashy to be Looming Darkness but it’s a good source of AoE damage which isn’t as loud and annoying as Shatter.

LEVEL 8 - SORCERER 6

All this time being a Shadow Sorcerer and Shadow hasn’t even done anything for us! Well how about you go out there and get some work done, Shadow? For 3 Sorcery points you can summon a Hound of Ill Omen to target a foe within 120 feet of you.

Shadow is basically a Dire Wolf except he’s Medium, has temp HP equal to half your Sorcerer level, can move through stuff (but takes damage if he ends his turn in stuff), and automatically chases whoever you told him to go for. Shadow will appear 30 feet away from the person you told him to get, and will chase after him like I said. All he’ll really do is attack the target you told him to though; he won’t even opportunity attack unless it’s the person you told him to chase. But if Shadow’s near someone they have disadvantage on their saving throws, which is pretty cool. (Unfortunately it’s only against spells, not your Form of Dread.)

Speaking of saving throws: Slow is a really great way to keep normies from running around doing annoying stuff. And you don’t have to hit Shadow with it which is pretty cool.

(Artwork by @Lauriquess on Twitter.)

LEVEL 9 - WARLOCK 3

Third level Warlocks get to choose their Pact Boon: if you want a really small Shadow go for Pact of the Chain, and if you want your cool necklace go for Pact of the Talisman, but we’ll be going for Pact of the Tome because you’re mostly a spellcaster really. (And we definitely don’t have enough cantrips.)

You get a Book of Shadows (See? Books can be cool!) with three cantrips: take Thaumaturgy to be extra spooky, Vicious Mockery for some sick teenage burns, and Sapping Sting to make normies fall over when you fear them. Some might say that 10 total cantrips by level 9 is a bit overkill but look on the dark side: you’ve now got a cantrip for basically every type of saving throw in case you can’t hit with Eldritch Blast!

Honestly none of the Pact Boons are particularly important for Vex so I picked the one that made the most sense. Feel free to take something more practical since 10 cantrips is admittedly overkill.

Oh and you can learn more Warlock spells, so now it’s time to finally take Misty Step. For Flash!

LEVEL 10 - WARLOCK 4

4th level Warlocks get another Ability Score Improvement: getting more Charisma for better spellcasting is probably a good idea.

You can also learn another spell, and hey look another cantrip. For your cantrip even if more damage options are kinda overkill by this point Chill Touch inflicts Grievous Wounds, which might be useful. You can also grab another second level spell and Blindness / Deafness (which is on the Undead list) is far more useful than any of the other normie options you’d have at this level anyways.

LEVEL 11 - WARLOCK 5

5th level Warlocks get another Eldritch Invocation, and even if you’ve got a resetting dash you’re still a squishy mage. So grab Tomb of Levistus for Zhonya's Hourglass.

You can also grab third level Warlock spells now! Remember how I took Fireball and complained that it wasn’t a good replica of Looming Darkness? Well Hunger of Hadar takes your Concentration but it’s a lot edgier!

LEVEL 12 - WARLOCK 6

6th level Undead Warlocks have become Grave Touched by the mist, and can make mist of their own! Along with being able survive without eating, drinking, or breathing you can turn any of your damage into necrotic damage. If you’re in your Form of Dread however you can add one extra damage die to whatever you’re using to get people to buzz off, adding to that morbid and macabre aesthetic.

You can also add another spell and if you’re bored with Shadow being a wolf how about you make them a Summon Shadowspawn? Weaponize your Fury, Despair, or Fear (I’d honestly recommend Fury since it has good synergy with your Dreadful Aspect) and work together with Shadow to deal with all your annoying foes! I’d also suggest replacing Hellish Rebuke with Counterspell, because even if the former fits better the latter is way more useful.

(Artwork by Jennifer Wuestling. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 13 - WARLOCK 7

7th level Warlocks can finally activate Shadow Surge. Relentless Hex lets you mark a foe with Hex and then dash to them. And technically you can move Hex around after the fact to reset your dashes! And while you’re at it you may as well grab Dimension Door for Summoner Teleport.

You could also upgrade Summon Shadowspawn to Summon Aberration if you so desire, but Summon Shadowspawn is more than strong enough and far more fun and thematic.

LEVEL 14 - WARLOCK 8

Another Ability Score Improvement. Yay. Cap off your Charisma for the best spellcasting you can get out of Shadow. You can also learn another spell, but we’re going to wait for...

LEVEL 15 - WARLOCK 9

9th level Warlocks get another Eldritch Invocation: even if it’s kinda ineffective Ascendant Step is still pretty useful to have Shadow carry you around. I mean yeah it’s slow but not that much slower than walking for you, and Shadow can lift you up in the air. “Shadow; carry me...”

You can also learn 5th level spells. If one guy’s being particularly annoying Negative Energy Flood can get them to shut up and work for you. Alternatively if you want more Personal Space Antilife Shell is on the Undead List and will make sure normies keep faaaaar away.

LEVEL 16 - WARLOCK 10

Are you ever so sick of everything that you just want to explode? Necrotic Husk has two benefits: for one you’re resistant to Necrotic damage, and immune while in your Form of Dread because being around Viego for so long means you’re used to his work.

But additionally when you are reduced to 0 hit points you can use your reaction to drop to 1 hit point instead and cause your body to explode! Each creature of your choice within 30 feet of you takes 2d10 + your warlock level in Necrotic damage. You do gain 1 level of exhaustion after using this, and after using it once you can’t do so again until you finish 1d4 long rests. So I’d perhaps use Strength of the Grave first unless you really need to lash out.

I hope you weren’t expecting more spells because you aren’t getting them from Warlock: just a cantrip. By this point we’ve honestly got far too many cantrips so I dunno maybe just grab Prestidigitation again and swap it out from Sorcerer when you get the chance.

(Artwork by @DukkoArt on Twitter.)

LEVEL 17 - SORCERER 7

Finally back to our yordle roots: 7th level Sorcerers get 4th level spells like Storm Sphere for a sphere of darkness and angst. But I mean the real benefit is that you get more Sorcery points let’s be real.

Oh and you can swap out Prestidigitation for Gust I guess. Spooky winds and stuff. Either this level or next level depending on your DM.

LEVEL 18 - SORCERER 8

Your last Ability Score Improvement... You’re gonna have to ask: what’s more important to me? More Metamagic, or more Eldritch Invocations? If Metamagic is to your liking take Metamagic Adept for Careful Spell and Distant Spell along with two more Sorcery points to use on them. If you like Eldritch Invocations though Eldritch Adept has a ton of options as a level 10 Warlock. I won’t tell you what invocation to take (they’re all great boosts but none of them shout out at me as something you should prioritize) as there are plenty of options to make your own Vex now that they’re all grown up.

I can at least tell you what spell to take: none of them! Wait until next level!

Oh and you can swap out Prestidigitation for Gust I guess.

LEVEL 19 - SORCERER 9

9th level Sorcerers can learn 5th level spells which means you’ve finally caught up to your Warlock slots. And look at that: the good wish Tasha gave you one last way to weaponize Shadow. Bigby’s Hand does a bunch of cool stuff and is pretty much the ultimate way to make Shadow crush some normies. (Most literally.) Alternatively if you want to borrow from Viego Enervation will let you heal from the mist and also do some damage. Great if you’re stuck in a corner with a bunch of annoying normies.

LEVEL 20 - SORCERER 10

Our final level is the 10th level of Sorcerer for one last spell, one last cantrip, and one last metamagic option! For your metamagic it’s honestly about time you take Quickened Spell to up your DPS. For your cantrip take Mold Earth to dig holes in the sand and brood. And as for your leveled spell? Honestly I just like Synaptic Static, and there isn’t much else I want anyways.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

We’re all doomed. But you’re more doomed - 5th level spells pack more than enough punch, and you’ve got plenty of them. Warlock slots will always be at your fingertips, and Sorcery points give you plenty of flexibility too!

I can feel it: someone’s happy over there! - Along with giving you a temporary hitpoint shield Form of Dread puts a nice bit of CC on all your abilities. Keep enemies scared and sad with tons of Doom and Gloom!

Ugh. Stop copying me Shadow! - Hounds of Ill Omen are cool. Summon Shadowspawn is also cool. Bigby’s Hand is especially cool. And hey: even your lower level Concentration spells like Hex? They’re pretty cool too.

CONS

Ughhhhhhhhhh this is gonna take foreeeever! - You’ve got limited fumes, even for a coffeelock. Form of Dread has limited uses and there’s only so much spell slot melting you can do to get your magic back.

I’m dancing... Happy? - You’ve got a really boring set of really normie skills... and if you’re playing Vex the way she’s meant to be played you’re probably not going to use any of them except for Intimidation.

Yup; the glass is half empty - Half your levels are Sorcerer levels, meaning you’re squishy. You’ve also got Mage Armor on which guess what: also means you’re squishy. People who hit teenagers sure are lame but it’s really not hard to Power Word Kill you.

But I guess you’re pretty cool overall. Shadow’s an alright partner and you can spread Ruination even without Viego. Trudge around and get people to frown for once. There’s nothing wrong with being sad, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting the world to be sad. But do try to at least be happy out of character, because we play games to have fun. I mean, who’d play a video game that just makes you depressed and angry?

(Artwork by @AzzylumArt on Twitter.)

[lucarioisinthevoid]

i have big question, whats the group like in a dnd game/au? are they all murder hobos? who is the god of the world aka the gamemaster?

>So, since I’ve been playing DnD (5e) for a bit by now, really picking up on the finer details (I still have no idea about anything, rip), I can answer this, finally! Okay, I think for Mike this is easiest to answer- Mike is an obvious Babarian. “The door is locked! It seems you have to find another way-“ “I rage.” “… Mike, you can’t use that out of combat.” “I said I fucking RAGE!” “FINE, FINE-“ “AND NOW I ATTACK THE FUCKING DOOR!” “FINE! ROLL!” Jeremy would probably be a warlock! I know cleric or paladins are more religious, but he’d hate to fight, quite honestly. He’d be a Celestial Warlock and Marion- who stubbornly refuses to make his own character (it would be a blood hunter though)- would play his patron, a guardian angel with amnesia, attached to a doll that Jeremy carries with him. “I- I cast suggestion! Let’s NOT fight.” The Marionette groaned. “Jeremy. That is literally a necromancer. Please.” “Well, I think we could just put him in jail! There’s probably some trauma that made him become evil, just killing him seems wrong-“ “Jeremy.” “Also WE just broke into HIS home, breaking HIS door, so I think he’s right to be a bit upset-“

Henry would surely be a wizard, but I don’t know which school. Necromancy seems obvious, but Enchantment, Illusion and Scribes also vibe hard with me. Enchantment and Illusion due to his habit of tricking and fooling people, driving them crazy, and Scribes because henry would want to take advantage as a wizard of his ability to learn and copy basically any spell into his book and the options it gives him. “I just wish him out of existence. Problem solved.” “That- that is not how this is supposed to go. And you really wanna use that scroll you got? You only have one use-“ “I long copied it into my spellbook. I use wish.” Dave in his “same but different” theme to Henry would be a sorcerer! And yes. Wild magic. Good luck to anyone in the party. “Alrighty, I’ve rolled for damage! What next?” “Roll again, one d20.” “Nat one! Hoooray-“ “Alright… okay, so a fireball explodes around you. Henry, you are dead.” “You will pay for this, William.” “I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS-“ Old Sport I think is a bard, mainly because he WANTS to be. He thinks it’s funny! Question is only- College of Glamour for the impression it leaves, of Eloquence, because “you know, I can talk myself out of ALL sort of trouble, right Phoney?!” or- College of Spirits. “… it fits.” He doesn’t say more on the matter “Oh my GOD- this is hilarious. Dave? I’m giving you bardic inspiration. God I wish you could use it on this spell, I swear-“ “Uh, Old Sport- that would kill you. One bonus d6 on this might kill you.” The man stared at the DM. “… god I wish you could use it on this spell right now, I swear-“ Last but not least Phone Guy! I think he would want to play a Druid. Also, not because he feels a deep connection with it- but because it would allow him to fuck shit up. That or a sort of ranger… but I’m more feeling a Druid and either Circle of the Moon or Circle of Wildfire! I’m not kidding, Simon’s motto for the campaign is: “I am tired of being nice. I WILL now go apeshit.” Bonus: Ethan and Nemo would both be Rogues, albeit Ethan’s archetype would obviously be Inquisitive, while Nemo’s would be Phantom! Ethan would be a good guy who’s just good at sneaking, Nemo would make a total edgelord and delight in everyone else’s groaning when he starts brooding in a dark corner. Juliette would be the cleric! Or a Paladin. You know- kinda able to heal, but also able to ruin your fucking life and beat you into a bloody pulp.

And I think that’s all!

Who would be the DM? I think either Henry or Phone Guy, albeit I think Phone Guy is more likely. He’s able to be pretty neutral towards everyone’s shenanigans- maybe Marion would try to DM too, but he’d get kicked out of that seat for CLEARLY favoring Jeremy.

Overall playstyle? All of them are theater kids at heart, so lots of roleplay- though Mike and Henry use combat a lot and especially Henry tries to min-max himself as much as he possibly can. Dave isn’t a murderhobo as much as he just has VERY stupid ideas and people aren’t quick enough to stop him, though Old Sport’s character is always there to prevent people hunting the aubergine for sport. Only reason nobody is a murderhobo is because in the first session Jeremy started crying when they killed someone, and they felt so bad that they quietly promised to never do it again. Mike probably ends up having the highest killcount on accident though, constantly challenging people to fight him.

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #150: Merlin

Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re finishing the last build in Observer on Timeless Temple, the man who broke the meta, Merlin! I’ll be honest, I really wasn’t expecting we’d make it this far. Anyway, you’re a Divination Wizard, because no shit. You’re a wizard, you can see the future, you kinda cheat at life, everything else just falls into place. You’re also a Fighter, because you also keep a shortsword stashed in your staff in case of emergencies.

Check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: A dimension-hopping bisexual. That’s not a phrase I ever thought I’d say, but I’m glad I did.

Race and Background

Merlin’s half Incubus, giving him immense magical power. Thankfully we can match that lineage one for one with the Abyssal Tiefling, an old UA that gives you +2 Intelligence, +1 Charisma, Darkvision, Abyssal Fortitude for half your level (rounded down, minimum 1) in extra HP, and Abyssal Arcana. That last one’s a bit complicated, so give us a second. 

Each long rest, you randomly get one of six cantrips by rolling a d6 (aside from the one you just had, you have to re-roll if that happens). You can get Dancing Lights, True Strike, Light, Message, Spare the Dying, or Prestidigitation. You can cast that cantrip like you would any other cantrip at your disposal, although awkwardly enough they never mention what ability score you would use to cast it. (I would assume Charisma, but feel free to argue with your DM.) After you finish another long rest, replace the old cantrip with a new one.

Being stranded on the other side of the world makes you the premier Hermit, giving you proficiency with Arcana and Religion. 

Ability Scores

You know literally everything, so make your Intelligence as high as possible. You also don’t have much difficulty avoiding the consequences of your actions, so it’s safe to say your Dexterity is pretty good too. You managed to catfish a not insignificant portion of the human race during the Goetia Crisis, so your Charisma is up there as well. Your Constitution isn’t as strong, you’re pretty much unkillable but I’ll be damned if Quetz didn’t try. Your Wisdom is rather low- you thought betraying the second sun was a good idea- but we’re dumping Strength. You are wizard, no big surprise.

Class Levels

1. First level wizards get proficiency in Intelligence and Wisdom saves, as well as History (you were there for quite a bit of it) and Insight (you watch people long enough eventually you notice patterns).

You also learn how to cast Spells using your Intelligence. Like all wizards you get an obscene number of spells, so we’ll just mention the ones that are very important to the character here, though the character sheet has a full list.

Mage Armor, of course is super important for any wizard, as is your caster balls (Magic Missile). I’d also grab Charm Person to make the whole Magi Marie thing a bit easier. You can also get Find Familiar, if you really want Cath Palug that badly.

Lastly, you get an Arcane Recovery, letting you regain spell slots with a total level equal to half your level rounded up on a short rest once per long rest. Not having slots sucks, don’t do that.

2. Second level wizards learn a specialty, and Divination basically lets you cheat at everything thanks to your Portents. At the end of a long rest, you roll two 20s and save those results.  At any time before your next long rest, you can use one of those results to replace an attack, save, or ability roll you can see, once per turn. If you roll high, give it to Artoria. If you roll low, still give it to Artoria, it’ll be funny.

You also become a Divination Savant, making it cheaper and easier to copy divination spells.

3. Third level wizards get second level spells, but your Abyssal Arcana also grows stronger, giving you a random first level spell each long rest as well. You cast these spells as if you were using a second level spell slot once per long rest. They are Burning Hands, Charm Person, Magic Missile, Cure Wounds, Tasha’s Hideous Laughter, and Thunderwave. You’re a Grand Caster candidate, so it’s not like there’s a reason you couldn’t cast any of those.

We’re also spending your spells this level to enhance party members, with Enhance Ability and Magic Weapon helping out in and out of combat.

4. I know we just got cure wounds last level, but that’s a one in six chance of using it once per long rest. I’d hardly call that meta breaking. We’ll fix that by using your first Ability Score Improvement to grab the Magic Initiate feat, giving you the spells Light, Minor Illusion, and Cure Wounds more consistently (the last one is still once per long rest though).

5. Fifth level Abyssal Tieflings get one last boost to their Abyssal Arcana, giving them one of six second level spells each long rest. You could get Alter Self, Darkness, Invisibility, Levitate, Mirror Image, or Spider Climb. 

You also learn Dispel Magic to break through Tiamat’s Chaos Tide.

6. Sixth level divination wizards have Expert Divination, recharging lower level spell slots after expending another spell slot on a divination spell. The recharged slot also has to be 5th level or lower, but that’s hardly an issue right now. Very useful for someone who’s technically in another plane most of the time.

You also learn Major Image, for stronger illusory power, and Haste to make a chosen warrior more of a hero.

7. We’re now going to bounce over to Fighter real quick, you’re surprisingly quick to pull a sword on someone if you feel like it. The Dueling fighting style adds 2 to your weapon damage with one handed weapons, and Second Wind lets you spend a bonus action to heal yourself. 

8. Second level fighters get an Action Surge, letting you add an extra action to your turn once per short rest. 

9. For your fourth level spells, Hallucinatory Terrain will give your allies a glimpse of Avalon (healing and NP charge not included).

10. Use this ASI to bump up your Intelligence, and learn Charm Monster to keep Cath Palug from smacking you upside the head for the eight billionth time.

11. With fifth level spells you can finally insert yourself into others’ dreams thanks to the spell Dream. It takes a minute to cast, but afterwards you can enter a trance to hop into a target’s dreams. You can shape the dream to your liking, or just watch the fireworks. You can also turn into a nightmare to deal psychic damage and prevent any benefits from that sleep if the target fails a wisdom save.

12. Tenth level divination wizards can use The Third Eye to gain one special kind of sight each short rest as an action. You can choose form Darkvision, sight into the Ethereal Plane, the ability to Read any Language, or the ability to see invisible objects and creatures. 

13. Sixth level spells like Mental Prison make things a lot harder for your enemies, charming one target creature if it fails an intelligence save. If it succeeds, it only takes some psychic damage. If it fails, it takes the damage and it becomes surrounded by an illusionary prison, so it can’t move, see, or hear anything beyond its space. If it’s forcibly moved out, or is attacked/attacks through the illusion, it takes even more psychic damage and the spell ends.

14. If you’re going with the standard array, you’ve probably noticed by now that your intelligence is currently odd. Thankfully we can fix that and make your DM’s life so much harder all at once thanks to the feat Keen Mind, which we’re picking up with this level’s ASI. Your Intelligence goes up by one, you have a great sense of direction and timing, and you have eidetic memory of the last month.

15. Seventh level spells like Mirage Arcane are another bump in power, letting you warp the landscape in a square mile around you. You can even add your fancy looking tower to the illusion now! Still not a lot of healing though.

16. Your last divination goody is the feature Greater Portent, letting your roll three d20s per day instead of two. Yeah, portent’s just kinda busted.

17. Eighth level spells like Illusory Dragon are a massive upgrade, almost as powerful as you usually are. This lets you make a dragon illusion that takes up space, is tangible, and can really breathe fire. I’m not entirely sure how this is an illusion, if I’m being honest.

18. Use this ASI to bump up your Dexterity for less dying and more stabbing. You also learn the spell Demiplane, to create your own Avalon! As long as you don’t mind your Avalon being a 30′ cube room and nothing else. Still, it’s hard to beat that level of security.

19. Seventeenth level wizards get ninth level spells. Seriously, just grab as many as you can. Merlin’s a grand caster, literally nothing is beyond his reach, certainly not anything a D&D character could do.

20. Eighteenth level wizards gain Spell Mastery over a first and second level spell, letting you cast them at their lowest level like cantrips. Silent Image and Magic Weapon are both good for support, I’d pick those. It’s not a huge issue if you change your mind later, too- you can change spells after 8 hours of study. You also learn True Polymorph. Artoria’s gotta father a child somehow.

Pros:

With your maxed out intelligence, plus ways to confuse your enemies and buff your allies, you make for a pretty good support caster. I doubt that comes as a surprise.

Divination wizards are kinda busted? Three portents per long rest can seriously reshape a campaign if you’re smart with them.

Wish is also kinda busted? You know how a lot of builds I mention not getting to ninth level spells as a con? Now you get to find out why.

Cons:

You’re squishy, which also isn’t too surprising. With an AC of 16 and HP barely scratching past one hundred, You probably won’t want to actually use your sword that often.

Despite healing being the big draw of your FGO counterpart, we didn’t really get that much in this build. You get one to two uses of Cure Wounds per day, plus your second wind. Not exactly meta defining.

Most illusions and buff spells use concentration, so good luck holding onto those with a con save of +1. It also means you have to pick and choose what you’re doing at any one time.

[insertdragonpun]

Session 2 (or session 1)

The party after being run out of the college travels to the nearby city of Kratzen (4 hour journey there from CCC of magic) a rather poorer looking city on the outside with a very extravagant looking center and almost repulsively lavish center (the lord's house)

Lightfoot halfing casts a spell on the gnome. (He cast a light spell and makes the gnome's nose glow) three guards come up to him and ask to see his magic license (the lord of kratzen hates it when people do things that he can't so he requires a ridiculously overpriced license for it)

After a failed deception check (I rolled for the guards' levels using a d20 and they were 15, 17, and 20) Lightfoot halfing gets taken by them to the lord's house for questioning. While this is happening the other three go to a tailor to get hats to cover their faces and keep them from being recognized.

The proce for four hats is 4000 gold (very expensive shop and very good quality hats and a bit overpriced to keep them from ending up in the common folks hands) so the stout halfing (who is an eldritch knight btw) charms the tailor and gets her to sell them the hats for 60 gold instead.

Meanwhile Lightfoot halfing is infront of the lord of Kratzen: Lord Graski. A tall and very old being. Can't tell the race but he looks elvish-ish. Graski is talking with his two dragonborn guards in draconic (everyone in Kratzen knows draconic it's mainly made up of dragonborn who all heavily worship Melve the Guardian. Idk if I said before but the guardian of Melve is named melve and has no gender) one black the other blue both with tails. The guards holding the Lightfoot halfing join in the conversation.

After a while the lord in a very crackly voice (not cracky but crackly like rocks being ground up) and accuses Lightfoot halfing of using magic with out his permission. Which he did do. Lightfoot tries to use his persona as a noble and presents his signet ring. While rolling a 25 on deception saying that he is a noble, the lord looks at the ring and knows that it's a fake (investigation +6 because he had a racial bonus of 2 to intelligence and has a 20 intelligence stat). So he thinks Lightfoot is a noble but doesn't know where he's from or who he is.

After they both try to intimidate each other the come to a deal. Lightfoot will remain at the lord's house until the bounty for his group arrives and the lord will decide what to do with him from there. (Lightfoot promised Graski his "property" in Zira, a mining town over Raven's Ravine, in return of the lord not turning them in.)

Lightfoot is lead to room, and can only venture the city if the three guards go with him. Lightfoot gos with guards to marketplace and entire Farmer Donald's. A fantasy version of McDonald's. After spotting the rest of his group in big fancy hats (hats are only big on gnome and Stout. Orc-elf fits in hers just fine) Lightfoot convinces guards to let him use the outhouse nearby.

Orc-elf recognizes Lightfoot and shows the others where he is. Gnome starts putting on a show and gets some gold, this also distracts two of the guards. Third guard is facing the door of the outhouse and doesn't see.

Lightfoot disguises himself with a spell and pretends he's pooping. After making a disgusting comment about his current shit, third guard fails a con save and starts throwing up. (Something about his poop overflowing and being very liquid-like. The guard has seen shit but hates the actual thing)

Orc-elf rolls nat 20 on a stealth roll (orc-elf rolls three nat 20s this session. One here and two in combat) and begins breaking down the back of the outhouse to help Lightfoot escape.

Once holr is big enough Lightfoot crawls out and clings to her arm. Orc-elf fails investigation and has no idea who this little thing on her arm is, stout however was near and keeping watch as she beat up the outhouse and does recognize him.

The group meet back up and very carefully, leave the city. They go to the road and get far enough away to hide. Stout gets a flashback to Professor Willow's death. (The murder he's being framed for. Willow is a macaw looking aarakokra btw. Very pretty and an eldritxh knight) he remembers hearing her grunt of pain and seeing her doubled over clutching her stomach as if she was stabbed. But there wasn't a weapon and there wasn't any blood. The next thing he knew his sword was covered in blood and Willow was dead on the floor. He also recalled the room being strangely dark, even though it was full of big windows and it was late morning.

He studied his sword and found his blade to be completely clean but the hilt had an odd bronze colored powder on it. Lightfoot tried to investigate the powder, he found that it tasted metallic like blood but smelt like rain as well as shimmered in the light like bronze.

Gnomes studies the powder and recognizes it from his childhood in Blances, a mainly dearven city that focuses on enchantments, smithing, and metal work of all sorts.

The group makes their way to Blances. A three and a half day journey from Kratzen. On the first day the hunt an elk, killing it with an arrow to the head (how? No one knows) and get a good bit of meat and hide as well as the antlers from it.

On the second day group is traveling through frosted spires. A valley between two mountain chains that run parallel to each other. After hearing odd sounds for a while the group spots an cockatrice. Gnome offers some elk meat to it and in response the cockatrice bites his hand. Succeeded his con save and doesn't get paralyzed. He responds and hits it with his crossbow.

After taking damage the cockatrice calls out and nine more of them appear our of no where an surround the group.

Combat was long so to sum it up for you:

Gnome is arcane trickster and managed to magic missle two of them to death.

Orc-elf is a monk rolls two more nat 20s and uses her quarterstaff to smash their heads. Kills three and almost kills a fourth.

Stout kills one.

Lightfoot kills none because he has one attack spell. He does make them fearful and causes one to flee the combat entirely.

Lightfoot get paralyzed once and breaks out of it next turn. Stout gets paralyzed and takes two turns to break out of it. (The way I do paralysis is that depending on where they were touched the paralysis does different things. If it's sight the stone encapsulates the body with two turns, but if it's from a bite the paralysis starts at wound and makes it's way through body over four rounds.)

Lightfoot climbs an odd Boulder that's 20ft tall and flattens at the top. He falls through a hidden e trance and takes 7 damage. He is a wizard with 7 constitution. He's unconscious.

Stout sees him fall and tries to follow which he does and doesn't fall unconscious. He lights a torch and looks around area.thia was the cockatrice nesting grounds. Something came through here and killed majority of the young and smashed a good bit of the eggs.

Gnome and Orc-elf work together and lower gnome into hidden area. Both halfings go up on the rope, and Orc-elf stabilizes Lightfoot.

Gnomes steps on a hidden plate and the Boulder moves to the right revealing the area he's in the to rest of the world. He's in an old temple to Melve.

Reginald, Stout's shetland pony, finds a health potion. (Reginald isn't a normal pony but thats for later in the story) gnome wants a pet so he looks through the nesting grounds and finds a coxkatrice hatching from its egg. He feeds it and it imprints on him. It's named Chirpy.

Party camps for the night. In the morning they search through the temple. Lightfoot sneaks a amulet, Orc-elf finds hymn books in deep speech and some candles, Stout finds a statue of Melve. Reginald sniffs the statue.

Party continues towards Blances, also avoids an encounter thanks to Orc-elf being proficient in nature checks as part of her background because she lived in the midnight woods.

Third night on travel and during Stout's shift at wat h Reginald comes up to him and drops the amulet that Lightfoot snuck in his lap. And gestures for him to put it on. Amulet gives +2 to charisma stat.

Reginald is not a normal Shetland pony. But I'll only tell y'all when the party finds out what he is. Or shall I say who?

Party makes it towards Blances, gnome gets recognized by some guards because he grew up there and his dad was a demonologist and is currently stuck in a different realm.

Lightfoot cons a rich merchant for 200 gold. Orc-elf sells stuff for 29 gold. Gnome puts on a fantastic performance and gets 150 gold.

Stout goes towards a magic shop named Candelit alchemy. Ran by an older pink teifling named Ami Ranci. Ranci tells him what the powder is, it's ground up soul. A homebrew item that makes illusion spells more potent. 100 gold per pound. An ounce of can be used in a illusion spell to make it stronger. Or it can be used like residium and replace other components in spells.

Stout buys a couple health potions from Ami.

Lightfoot enters shop and wants to get his outfit enchanted. (To make illusion spells more potent) and buy some spells to write down in his books.

The enchantment takes a week to be made so group buys rooms in the inn above the magic shop. (The shop is shaped like a cauldron, and the inn is three stories and is shaped like a gradual a-frame)

[quasieli]

top six: fictional characters that give you gender envy, flowers, little things that make you happy and d&d moments :D

Ooh lotsa questions!

Gender Envy:

1) Bow from She-Ra (2018). Something about buff athletic dude who wears crop tops and is soft as hell is very Gender to me.

2) Vax from Critical Role. Pretty boy, kinda goth rogue? That’s sexy as hell and I wish that was me. 

3) In a wildly different idea of gender envy, I’ve been thinking about it lately and @quantum-lesbian’s character in the Frostmaiden game I’m in with them, Ambrose, is Big Gender. Beautiful non-binary drow with a starry and kinda witchy aesthetic that dresses super grandly and ostentatiously no matter the occasion? Yes please.

4) Pete from The Unsleeping City, specifically season two. I adore season one Pete but season two Pete that works in a queer bookshop and has a teapot arcane focus, is artsy and is unapologetically a trans man who doesn’t give a shit about gender roles? Sign me the fuck up.  

5) Beau from Critical Role. Buff GNC lesbian mixed with academia, but like academia from the prospective of a grad student with ADHD trying to learn everything about their special interests? A+, I love her and I’m jealous. 

6) I’m gonna cheat a lil bit for this last one. I know the prompt is fictional characters, but Julia Lepetit and Jacob Andrews in their Hitman streams? Simultaneously both of them were Gender for me. Jacob esp felt like that for me, which is weird cause dresses can make me dysphoric, but I am also slightly envious of the Dude in a Dress type of gender presentation. 

Can you tell that I’m a confused trans masc enby

Gonna put it under the cut from here cause oof, there’s still a lot more.

Flowers:

1) Big slut for Sunflowers, always have been, always will be.

2) Fun fact, my dad’s family used to own a flower shop (in like the 70s, so I never got to see it :(), and one of their big things was hydrangeas. My dad has always loved them and now I love the snowballs too!  

3) A recent favorite, the Baker’s Globe Mallow. It’s a type of flower that only grows from the soils of forests that have been affected by wildfires. It’s a simple little flower but I love the idea of something beautiful rising from the ashes after tragedy. A little dramatic, but I’m queer, ofc I’m dramatic.

4) Roses are another important flower to my family (Rose was a family name for a couple generations), and ya know, they’re a classic. 

5) There’s this beautiful magnolia tree in front of my house that blooms with the most beautiful white and pink flowers every spring, and it’s one of my favorite things to see every year. 

6) There’s so many different types of Lillies and they’re all very pretty, but the Purple Stargazer is prob my favorite.

Little Things That Make Me Happy:

1) My cat, Maddie. She may be a cranky girl at times, but she is also very sweet and will always be my baby (even though she is 12). 

2) Not a little thing really, but my best friend. Just getting a sweet/silly text from her or the two of us chilling in a room, sitting in a comfortable silence because we just like being together, nothing better. 

3) Baking, esp if I’m doing it for others. I’m not much of a sweets person myself, a little treat every once in a while type person, but I love baking. It’s a very relaxing process for me, even when it can sometimes get stressful, but seeing people enjoying something I made, especially something that brought me great joy to make, is simply the best. 

4) In the same sorta vein, crafting and other art, but that’s a bit more personal. I love making things for others, but art, particularly drawing, is something I do more for me. It’s such a great feeling when you can get into a really good art mood and just sink yourself into a project. I love it.

5) My plush toys. Yes, I am a 23 year old, no I will not stop loving my plushies. I just got a few new friends, which I made a post about recently, and they such good cuddle buddies. However, there is one king amongst them all. I have this old, beat up christmas puppy beanie baby, on his tag named Jingle Pup, but I just call him Jingle. I had one version of him since I was like 6, but he currently lives on a shelf cause he is very beaten up and fragile, but his “brother”, who I got when I was 8, is still in kinda good shape and is currently chilling on my chest as I type this lol.

6) Again, not a little thing, but it’s important to mention; D&D. The game itself is such a joy, but truly the best part of it is the people. I love creating stories and memories with people through this weird little game. Truly one of my favorite things to do.

D&D Moments:

These are all gonna be personal moments, rather than anything from actual play shows/podcasts. RC is Reforged Campaign, where I play Saube, and FM is Frostmaiden, where I play Sparks.

1) RC - Meeting Mahety, Saube’s girlfriend. We met her way back in session 12 and we are now up to like session 73. Saube saw her and was immediately big heart eyes at her but also felt a bit awkward and shy. So, being a game a dice, I decided to roll. 10 or higher, Saube would talk to her, 9 or lower, she’d stay put. I rolled a 17, 17 is now a lucky number for me. I love Mahety and I’d die for her. 

2) FM - This was an insane fight that should not have been so crazy, but in a fairly early session, my group went up against an angry druid and her awakened animals. So much batshit stuff happened in that fight, and we unfortunately lost our bread loving bard (RIP Agneyis), but one of my favorite combat turns happened in this fight. Our artificer, Omaren, has a robe of useful items and one of the patches on it creates a large pit. Thinking quickly, Omaren tore off the patch, slid it under one of the dire wolves we were fighting and created a looney tunes style pit under it, allowing us to take it out easily via pot shots. Such a clutch move and such a funny visual, especially because the dire wolf kept failing the checks to get out of the pit.  

3) RC - Saube’s Zebrith (I will never remember how this actually spelled RIP). So, for context, Saube ended up with a death curse (long story) that mechanically meant they had disadvantage on any death saving throws. Scary as hell, need to get that fixed! So, Saube and their party had to be smuggled into another country to talk with some religious leaders of a goddess known as The First, the goddess of death. They were told that Saube would have to go through the aforementioned ritual, which included her soul leaving her body for a short period of time. During this ritual, her friends had to call back to her, to say things that would bring her back to her body and I still cry thinking about that game. That ritual was not only important for Saube bodily, but spiritually as well. After that ritual, Saube officially became a cleric of The First! 

4) A real sappy one, RC - Saube meeting all of her friends. Anyone who follows along with the rantings on my blog probably knows how important this game is to me. I met this random group of strangers on tumblr and formed a D&D party with them and now, a year and a half later, I honestly think it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I know that sounds silly and dramatic but not only has this game brought me so much joy and comfort, but I also gained a group of really amazing friends who have been nothing but amazing since day one. As much as Saube knows she can depend on SICL, I know I can depend on my group of weirdos lol. We both love our friends very much and even though we’ve all been through some crazy shit, we wouldn’t change it for the world.    

5) RC - Just playing Saube in general. I really didn’t intend for it to be this way, but Saube is very much a reflection of myself. She is the first long term character I have ever played and so much of me is in her. I try not to treat D&D like therapy, because that’s unfair to my DM and fellow party members, but playing Saube has allowed me to work through some of my own problems, especially social anxiety, in a lot safer of an environment. It isn’t so much that I’m asking this game to help me fix my life, but playing out these scenarios that, in the real world, would make me anxious or make me freak out, I can stop, take a moment to breathe and work out these issues in a way that makes sense to me. Playing her has led me to understanding myself a bit better, as well, and that’s truly such a wonderfully unexpected gift from this whole experience. 

6) Lastly, a silly one: RC - Getting a crit 6. The last session of this game got real interesting. Saube’s party ended up in the ethereal plane and magic got real fucky there. So, any time any of us tried to cast a spell, we’d roll a d20, not look at the result, and then try to guess what number rolled. The closer to the number, the better the result. A few times, a few people managed to get within like 3 or 4 of their roll, but oh the power I felt when I rolled a 6 (on Saube’s die!) and guessed it correctly! So, not only did the spell (Bless) work, but it worked super well. So instead of getting +1d4 to attack rolls and saving throws, Saube and two other party members got +2d4 to attacks, saving throws and skill checks. So powerful I broke the rules of D&D lmao. 

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

A Little Bit Like Home

You moving to school has been tougher than Calum would like to admit but there are some moments that make it easier to bear, there are small moments where it’s not so bad. 

A continuation of these two blurbs (Blurb 1 and Blurb 2) Again it’s hella self indulgent. Inspired what really happened to me in my DnD campaign, see this post.  

**Contains spoilers for the Waterdeep Heist from Dungeons & Dragons if you are currently playing that module!!!**

Enjoy my masterlist!

Support me on Ko-fi

___________

“Can I make a perception check on the walls? See if there’s anything else funky in this room?” you ask, clicking over in your browser tab to the dice roller. The DM allows you to make that call and you click on the d20. 

“Your the only one rolling well on those things tonight,” one member of your party, playing an Orc sent out to learn magic and getting packed in with your ragtag group, notes after their failed attempt to pick the lock. You managed to pick that that too, but you chalk it up to you being a Drow Rogue and lock picking being one of your skills. 

“18,” you call out, looking back at your character sheet to make sure you’ve done the math correctly. 

“18?” The DM asks, just to be sure. You nod. “Okay, so you look around the room and there’s not really anything worth noting besides some dirt and blood. But no traps, no buttons in this room.”

“This room,” the entire party echoes laughing. The six of you have just survived barely a lightning trap. Which you still refuse to admit to setting up, but it was definitely you since as the marching order had you in front. 

“We’re going to have to go back to that mimic room,” the paladin of your group declares. Your party was warned that the room at the start of your adventure in this hell of a magic maze could be a trap and a mimic could be in the depths of it. But there was a chest still yet to be opened. However, you took the advice of your Orc and backed out of that room to avoid a fight just yet. 

Your previous encounters in other rooms leaving some of your party is better shape than others. This early in your adventure together the five of you didn’t really want to risk loosing anyone just yet. Lightening and your pirates love of ale seemed to be your only foe at the moment. 

“We should maybe just see what’s in here first,” Calum, playing as a Druid, counters. “Though it seems like if we find yet another key to a door that’s already been picked, it’s might be useless.” 

You know the tease is directed at you. “Hey, look here buddy, I will not hesitate to shoot a quiver into your ass. I see a lock I’m going to pick it,” you defend. 

“Besides,” your party’s pirate starts, “we’ve ducked a lot of rooms afraid of getting into another fight. If they pick a lock or two and we find the key later, at least we can add to the Bard’s collection.”

“Thank you,” you laugh. 

Soon your party’s able to direct their attention back on the adventure and magic maze you’ve found yourself in. You and Calum end up smashing mirrors in a room to avoid any sort of magic in them that would cause your party to fight your soul doubles. This leads to a five minute debate of how to leave said room that didn’t involve shoving the unicorn that your party was tasked with finding up someone’s ass due to a riddle unveiled, Everything you see is mine.

“Wait,” you say, laughing at the argument about who can fit the unicorn into their mouth. It was deemed to be more dignified. Your pirate waits outside the room, still naked thanks to the magic that rips all the clothes, weapons, and armor off of anyone that attempts to leave the room. “Everything you see is mine. If the mirrors are smashed, then nothing can be seen right?”

“No, shards can be face up, so technically things can be seen,” the party’s Bard counters. 

“No, no, you’re onto to something,” the pirate starts. 

“Oh my god, we’re so fucking dumb,” the orc hollers. “Someone cover their eyes. You means us. Anything we can see can’t leave the room.”

Thankfully, you’re still dressed having only attempted to leave the room and letting others continue with their naked escapades. “Holy shit,” you shriek as you direct to your DM how you cover your face with your hood and hold it tight around your eyes so you can’t see anything and step through the door. You’re able to cross completely clothed, swords, crossbow, and pack still in tact. 

“We’re so fucking STUPID,” you laugh. 

Calum’s giggle cuts through the speakers of your laptop. “How were we so prepared to just be fucking naked through the rest of this maze?” He directs to the DM that he redresses, having also attempted several times to brute force the magic door with no success. 

“We never speak of that,” the orc demands through their own laughter. “Never.”

The party comes to a stopping point about another hour later, saying goodbyes before leaving the Zoom meeting. Not even thirty seconds later after ending that call, an incoming FaceTime call comes from Calum. You answer it, wiping at the corner of your eyes. He’s grinning as the call finally connects. The weekend that Calum came up to visit, a friend in the cohort asked you if you’d be willing to going a beginner’s campaign. You had wanted to give the game a whirl but you knew it would be a time suck and asked if it was okay to bring someone else along too. 

After getting a yes from the DM you know you had to convince Calum to join in. It took less effort than you thought for him to join in and the two of you spent a couple hours the night before picking out your characters before you emailed the information back to the DM. Now every Saturday night you and Calum spend about three hours in a Zoom getting into all sorts of trouble. He settled easily on the Druid but spent forever trying to find an artist rendering of his character, Okolian, that felt right. Long black hair with streaks of white was a must along with a single braid as well, which he stole from your character’s look though your hair is all white. 

Slowly, it was decided that Okolian would have blue skin muscular, but not overly buff and refused to wear sleeves in order to wear leather arm bands around his biceps which could easily be mistaken for tattoos or markings of his people. Okolian prefers his staff but is also armed with a sickle and mace. The Calum touch of course was to add ferns rather than feathers. 

“I can’t believe you were going to let me be the one to have to figure out the unicorn,” Calum teases. 

“Hey, it was only six inches. Not that bad.”

He sputters his laughter. “Is that payback for calling you out for picking all the locks?”

“I would never do such a thing but maybe.” 

“Anything else on the agenda for tonight?”

“No not really. Whatever work there is out in the world, I’ll get to it tomorrow. What about you? The night’s still young.”  

Calum shrugs. “A friend was supposed to get back to me about drinks tonight,  but I haven’t heard anything yet. If he gets back within the hour or so, I’ll probably tag along but if not, it’s not a big deal. But you never did tell me about last night. How’d that go?”

You cover your face for a second, remember how many drinks were consumed the night previously. Calum laughs at the slightly panicked look that crosses your face. “There was two drinks too many past my usual limit and I felt it. Big time,” you answer. 

He’s glad to hear you getting out more. It’s in turned made him feel a bit better about getting back to his normal routine, getting dinner more with the guys or other friends. Missing you doesn’t hurt so bad anymore for Calum. He feels most often right before he’s going to bed, when he’d normally curl up into your side and open his arms wide for you to curl up into him. But it hurts less during the day. 

Getting used to the cohort and getting out a couple Friday’s in the month has helped you as well. You don’t feel so chained to your phone, don’t feel so beholden to being there for every text right away. It’s still hard when you start to cook dinner and almost reach out for a second plate still by habit. And in the morning when you’re fixing your cup of coffee your brain still wants to pull down a second cup. Sometimes you do. Sometimes you just give in because you need it. Need to let yourself sit with those feelings. 

“I’ll be sticking with cider after last night,” you tease. “Wine makes me myself too much. Never doing that again.”

Calum’s been privileged to see you wine drunk a couple of times and he can already imagine the type of trouble you nearly got yourself in. “Is your picture on the wall at the bar?”

“Not that bad, but close,” you giggle. 

“What am I going to do with you?” 

It’s just a joke but for a moment it makes you pause--what’s going to happen when you go back for break? Are things going to be different? Most of your clothes and things are still there though slowly more and more has been shipped to you. Is Duke going to remember you? Miss you too?

“Promise me the house isn’t too different?”

Calum furrows his brows, head titling just a little to the side. “What do you mean, baby?”

“Like without me, is it all going to be different when I come back?”

“It’s all pretty much the same here. Duke’s the king of the castle. Still have plenty of hoodies for you to steal and your side of the bed still misses you. I still miss you.”

“No, I--I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like I don’t want you to find ways to cope but I don’t know. What if it never feels right? Like so much has been missed that I just won’t ever fit in again?”

Calum shakes his head. “Babe, no. You still belong. Your shoes still have space in the closet. Your mugs still sit in the cabinets. There is so much of you still here--it’s how I get through the days.”

Maybe that’s what’s rough for you. There’s not much of Calum at your place. There’s none of his dirty laundry that’s halfway hanging of laundry baskets and there’s no bass rumbling and there’s snoring next to you at night. It’s all you, which is nice. But you wish you had a little bit of Calum too. 

“There’s none of you here,” you say softly. 

“I can fix that.” It’s a steady confidence, a nod of his head at statement. “Don’t you worry.”

You two steer the conversation to something lighter before you call it a night. And it’s harder to get up the next morning, to peel yourself out of the sheets. But you do it, you push up with a grunt and get your day started. Coffee, a quick bowl of cereal and fruit. You call Calum right before lunch to check in and then get back to work. 

As the days pass, the conversation the ache gets buried in some stress. However, you get a text about a package to get from the lockers at the front of your complex so shuffle down the path thinking it’s the new mattress pad you ordered. It shipped late last week but you hadn’t expected it to arrive this soon. 

As the door swings open to the locker you spy Calum’s handwritten on the label of the package. What the hell had be gone and done? You pick up the box and kick the door close with your foot before taking it back up to your apartment. Setting the box down on the kitchen counter, you find the scissors and cut into it. Right on top is a small envelope with your name scribbled across it. 

You said you didn’t have anything of me. So I knew I had to correct that. I hope they help. And a little thing from the old man, well not from him. But you’ll understand when you get to that. 

Love you. 

Digging into the box, you notice a few guitar pics, a couple extra t-shirt and then a long thin box. You pick it up, noticing it looks like a necklace. But with Calum you never can be sure. As you crack it open, you laugh, finding a gold chain staring up at you, attach to it is a tiny locket that as a paw print on it. You crack it open though and find a tiny picture of Calum and you inside of it and your eyes well with tears. It’s from your last vacation before you left for school, just two of you reclined on the beach and Calum kissing your temple. 

You draft a text to Calum. Tell Duke it feels like home now. 

[grimoireofwritings]

Ooh ooh! Dungeons and Dragons headcanons for the Eye of the Midnight Sun members please, both elves and humans!

I actually love their little group cuz I think the characters are underrated and have very interesting dynamics!! Big thanks for sending in this request, I wasn't expecting it and was overjoyed to see it. I am gonna do the members of the Third Eye obviously, as well as Licht / Patri & the other three asshole lackies that I found highly amusing. Enjoy~!

Licht / Patri :

- Ngl I don't think he would give a shit

- He really doesn't care to spend any time with the humans around him, we all find out he despised every last one of em excluding William so if he ever played D&D with a group it would probably have happened back when he was living amongst his people and wasn't busy organizing a genocidal mission

- I really think he would go for a sorcerer or rogue, he is more the clever and calculating type

- Takes the game a little too seriously and he's definitely that one guy who gets too invested in his character and feels personally offended when bad things happen to said character. Be prepared for some salty remarks if he rolls a nat one and it messes up his plans..

- Probably just wants to prove he's smart

- He enjoys dungeon crawls and combat heavy sessions, he is the brains of the group and this happens especially if he's with people who are there for the shits n giggles and they keep straying too far into chaos aka pissing off the DM

- He could maybe have potential to be a decent DM but I really don't think he would care enough to put the time and energy into a well built campaign

- Great at solving puzzles

- Personally shits on anyone who plays a human and furthermore he will only play as elves

Fana :

- Elf Fana, the hateful? I feel like she might go for an evil cleric, or perhaps a fighter. Depends on what would balance out the party dynamic more.

- Human Fana? Definitely a good cleric.. or perhaps a sweet druid lady

- Human Fana really likes playing for the social and bonding experience with people she's close to and she also enjoys the freedom and creativity involved with building characters

- She is the person who takes notes and actually pays attention to what's going on. The DM appreciates her efforts to focus on the story and plot..

- She has probably 2-3 sets of really pretty looking polyhedral dice

Rhya :

- This bitch definitely mains a rogue in almost every party

- He may also go for a ranger as a second option

- Basically the roles focusing on not getting hit.. he would rather not be troubled with taking damage so instead he will use the rogue's sneak attack function to stay in stealth mode 24/7 and remain hidden from enemies.. or just stay out of range as a distanced attacker

- He is the dangerous mf who is impulsive mostly because he definitely does not care enough about safety and would much rather be amused by making really reckless random decisions that may or may not compromise his party and their characters too

- He thinks it's hysterical

- An average roller but he makes it work somehow and even though he's not super intent about taking it seriously he's usually down for a campaign every now and again. It's free entertainment, right?

- At the end of the day though he probably enjoys it a lot more than he cares to admit

Vetto :

- Do I even have to say it

- He's going to be the barbarian or the fighter, he loves abusing the "rage" function and it's his favorite thing to do in-game whenever given the mere opportunity

- His characters actually have a surprising amount of depth and he ends up being someone who enjoys frequent sessions. He takes it on as a bit of a hobby

- He likes playing bigger, brawnier races that are either more rare or unappealing to social norms within the game's universe. He's a bit bigger than most elves so he slips that into his characters.

- He probably is the person who dies more than anyone else but it's because he overestimates what he can handle in battle and gets so excited to rage that he forgets his hit points exist

Valtos :

- Sign him tf up

- Owns all the Dungeon Master's guide books and he makes for an impressive DM

- Has a nerdy side and he takes this game so seriously, he's passionate about it and loves the creative aspect of building his own worlds from scratch

- He's good at improv and molding sessions to the players and their decisions, but may become a little annoyed if it strays really far from his planning or makes said plans impossible

- If he's a player he's definitely a wizard

Sally:

- Sorry did you mean bringer of chaos?

- Probably a DMs worst nightmare

- But with the right party that might help steer her back on track and keep a little more order within their adventures, she can be a good asset to the team with those outside-of-the-box ideas of hers

- She is open to ideas with class and race for her characters but would gravitate towards bards

- Definitely a dice hoarding goblin

- Obsessed with the click clacking math rocks

- She's a very lucky roller usually

- Good at puzzles and problem solving. Sometimes she can really surprise the party with what she can do and she has her moments of glory

- Unfortunately she will make sacrifices, such as a teammate taking severe damage, if she believes it will solve an obstacle or in her eyes, be for the sake of good results... Or a fun possible outcome

- Not the best at communicating during combat

Rades Spirito :

- Not very fun to play D&D with honestly

- Refuses to play anything other than a warlock or necromancer

- It's because he is that one dude who projects wayyyy too much of himself into his characters and it's basically a glorified self insert

- He is not a team player and he's got a very narcissistic approach. Gets butthurt way too easily, and just all around he's invested for all the wrong reasons

- The dungeon artificact you all looted that fits with your character way better than his? Too bad. It's his now

- Hoardes anything good he finds and won't share party loot or gold

- His rolls are cursed. Most commonly ends up between 1-10 with his D20 rolls and that's even worse considering how emotionally immature he is in response to crappy situations

- Don't invite him to your campaign lmao

[radramblog]

Dice, ranked

 Players of tabletop games, among other things, tend to get to hoard-like levels when it comes to amassing collections of the tools of the trade- dice. As a result, people tend to get pretty obsessive about their favourites- ones they’ve paid excessive amounts for and therefore are extremely fancy, ones associated with a particularly memorable moment from one game or another, ones they send to jail for rolling too many ones.

I’ve never really understood this (except for dice jail, they know what they did). I got two sets of dice (lost the d6 from one of them, replaced it) and they work fine for just about everything. So I’m probably not the guy to turn to for this sort of topic.

What I haven’t seen is someone discussing on a meta level the ups and downs of each dice, and therefore, ranking them into an opinionated list. And since opinions are fun and I thought this would be as well, I’m going to spend some time writing about and ranking dice.

#7- d4

I feel like the d4 being the worst dice is not a controversial opinion. They’re incredibly awkward to actually roll, requiring a bit of extra effort to clear the first edge on the table, and considering the piddly numbers that come up it never feels worth it. They are also incredibly replaceable, being easily substitutable by a d6, d8, or even a d10/12 in a pinch.

This is of course avoiding the most important point, which is that it’s not hard for dice to end up on the floor, and stepping on one of these fuckers is worse than any lego piece. I know someone who has a metal set of dice, and its d4 is sharp enough to draw blood. Yikes.

 #6- d10

The d10 has always bugged me design-wise. Like, I’m sure there probably wasn’t that much of a better way to design this dice- the odds one side/evens another strikes me as strange, as is it theoretically being substantially more likely to roll from an odd to an odd than an odd to an even, or vice versa, based on the way it’s laid out. Of course, I’m no expert.

Much like the d4, you could probably replace this with a d20, but it’s less cumbersome, so I imagine few bother. It’s also got bigger numbers on it, which is nice, but I swear every time I look at a game’s rules I forget whether the 0 is supposed to be 0 or 10, especially since it differs between systems and in some cases lower is actually better. Should I be happy about rolling a fat nothing? We just don’t know.

 #5- d6

As tempted as I was to put this at #6 for shits and giggles, I really can’t justify doing that based on my reasons for keeping the classic dice this low. And in fact, that’s entirely why this is so low, out of spite. So many fucking board games use d6s, to the point that other dice are seen by the vast majority of people as an oddity.

And the “standard die” is so boring. It’s a cube. The most perfectly generic object in three-dimensional space. They don’t even put numbers on it, where’s the fun in that? Bleh.

 #4- d12

Right in the middle, we have the d12, which may be an odd choice. The reason I’ve put the d12 in the dead centre is that it’s the one I have the least opinions about. It’s the forgotten dice, to me. I can’t remember the last time I’ve played a game where I needed it, even though I’m sure it hasn’t been that long. Whenever I’m gathering all my dice back up, I always count that I’m missing one, and it’s just about always the d12 I’ve forgotten.

It is the most forgettable die. And for that, it gets the forgettable slot.

 #3- Percentile die

Unlike it’s perennial counterpart, the d10, the percentile dice is interesting. It’s got really big numbers on it, giving it a completely different look, and 00 is not nearly as confusing as 0.

But what makes the percentile die the most fun is that rolling d100, which is what you’re typically doing with it, is so fun. Because if you’re rolling that, typically there’s a huge variety of different effects that could happen, and both you and the DM are rubbing your hands with glee at how things are going to land. Because it’s likely something they’ve spent a lot of time working on, and can’t wait to see play out- and in my experience, a happy DM is a happy player. Unless it’s a kill-happy DM, but honestly, if there’s a d100 involved at least my character is getting horrifically mutilated in a fun and unique manner.

Of course, there are some games in which the d100 is a standard stat check. And in those games, the percentile is likely less interesting, which is fair. But I haven’t played many of those games.

 #2- d20

The wizened among you will realise what #1 is now, and hold your horses, we’ll get there, but first is the runner up. The d20 is iconic to role-playing games, to a point where there’s multiple games, softwares, and media (podcasts etc) that use it as part of their branding. It’s standard for D&D, the most popular tabletop RPG out there, and is commonly used by both its imitators and completely separate games for a huge number of rolls and checks and the like. Save for percentile, it’s the only one of these where searching just “d20″ only gave dice-related results on google images.

The d20 gets a lot of points for the joy of rolling a nat 20. It also loses a lot of points for the terror of rolling a nat 1.

D20s are not without flaw. The small faces make them extremely easy to over-roll into and off of things, if you’re a clown like me without a dice tray- though that can be a strength, with the extended roll time being that little bit more suspenseful. As mentioned earlier, they can be extremely polarising, with the gap between a successful and unsuccessful roll being potentially huge.

But I think mostly I’m just kind of biased because they’re a huge pain in the ass to use to track your life in MtG, even though you start at 20, unless you use a spindown d20, but those are often not considered acceptable in other tabletop settings. And I have so, so many spindowns at this point.

 #1: d8

I guess I have to justify my choices, huh.

Look, there’s something about the octahedral die that I find incredibly satisfying. They’re a great shape, they roll easy, and 8 is a really nice number to do maths with. I’m actually shocked that board games ended up with d6 as the default when the maths of a d8 is probably so much easier to balance around. I blame the d6 monopoly on Monopoly.

Ironically I think the d6’s omnipresence makes me like the d8 more, as it feels like a little bonus.

They have the same odd/even divide as a d10, but the shape of each face is equilateral so it doesn’t feel as biased. It’s a fun dice that I get to use often. It’s not as polarising as a d20, nor as awkward as a d4. I just really like these. Humble and unassuming, I cannot possibly justify this beyond that.

I should go collect more.

[emmettspeakz]

Gotta Love DnD, Victor

Love Victor fanfic

Summary: It’s a week after Victor has come out to his family and a few friends, but they haven’t really acknowledged it one way or another. Desperate to help get his friend’s mind off of his family’s reaction (or lack of a reaction) to his coming out, Felix designs a DnD campaign that Victor, Bram, and Simon can play, with Felix as the DM. Fun and crazy stuff ensues. 

Hope y’all enjoy <3

“So how do we do this? All I got are dice.” Bram asks through Felix’s computer screen, holding lime-green crystal dice up to the camera. He and Simon are sitting on the couch in the middle of their apartment, with no space between them. Victor couldn’t help but feel like they were the perfect couple, and hoped that one day Benji and him could be the same way.

It was the weekend after Victor had come out to his family and they had started acting like he hadn’t said anything at all. Victor felt like right now that was for the best, as he didn’t really wanna talk about it anymore either. Things were weird with Mia and Lake, because although she had declared her love for Felix, Lake wasn’t talking to Victor at all, in solidarity and die-hard friendship fashion for Mia. Benji had sent him sweet text messages this week like “hang in there” or “hair looks great today bud” and that would help a bit, but also Victor couldn’t shake the feelings of regret and pain away. That’s how this weekend had happened. Felix had insisted they play DnD to get his mind off things. But because Victor and Felix couldn’t afford to go back to New York, they were somehow trying to do DnD through Skype. It wasn’t working all that well, but god damn it if Felix wasn’t gonna let Victor mope around his house anymore.

“It’s not that difficult now that you guys told me what classes you wanted to be. I think you all should give your characters names though. It’s not creative if you’re just Victor and Bram and Simon.”

Simon gave Felix a look through the webcam, raising his eyebrows.

“No offense.” Felix replied, awkwardly. Felix had moved all the newspapers his mother had collected into the supply closet to make room on the coffee table for DnD, but the closet had reached capacity and Victor worried it would comically burst open like their lives were a part of a cartoon.

“Nice to meet you two by the way. You guys...are—”

While Felix was talking, the couple maintained eye contact with him as Simon rested his head on Bram’s shoulder.

“Right, okay.”

“Felix! You know they’re boyfriends!” Victor called out, sounding more like his teasing self than he has all week.

“I still can’t believe that you never told me you went to New York! The Big Apple? Times Square? You know how much I love Broadway!”

“Well you guys will just have to come visit us again sometime.” Bram suggested, putting his arm around his boyfriend affectionately.

“Alright so let’s start.” Victor said, not wanting to be reminded of the trip that made him lie to his then-girlfriend.

“Okay, so Bram you’re a paladin—” Felix began before he was cut off.

“Paladin? I’m definitely not just brawns!” Bram protested.

“You picked your character!” Victor laughed.

“I know but I think I’m a bit more of a—”

“No, no, no, no. I sent you a character sheet, you filled it out and sent it back to me and then I added the modifiers and all the technical stuff and sent it back to you, so it’s finalized!” Felix said, all his words jumbled together in a long string, sounding hyperactive as usual. “Now,” Felix continued, grabbing a D20 die from on top of his brown coffee table. “Let’s do this.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I don’t know much about DnD, but I do know that the DM can’t play too.” Victor said, grabbing Felix’s hand tightly.

“Oh c’mon, let me play Victor! I need this! I haven’t seen Lake in—”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t remind me. Just roll dice when you’re supposed to, DM Felix.”

“Fine, fine, fine, fine,” Felix said, moving a hand through his hair. “Let’s start with this.”

He had four plastic figures, three of them representing Bram, Simon, Victor, and then one representing a figure that Felix started to describe as the Demigorgon before Victor told him to pick something else ‘cause that was “too Stranger Things”.

“Wait, wait, wait. Which character am I again?” Simon interjected before playing had even begun.

“You’re the warlock, the one with a staff, represented by the purple figure on the table.” Felix explained briskly so they could move onto actual gameplay. Simon nodded in understanding and sat back on the couch, letting Felix do his thing.

“Anyway, this big—” Felix met Victor’s gaze “—monster straight out of the movie Alien—”

Victor couldn’t help but laugh, not about Felix’s uncreativeness or lack of forethought about monsters, but the fact that he was the only straight boy in this group and he happened to somehow be the nerdiest one of all four of them.

“You mean gay out of the movie alien?” Simon asked, thinking the same thing Victor was. Victor, Bram, and Simon burst into laughter and all Felix could do was bite his lip awkwardly at the joke.

“Okay so Boris the Brave, Seamus the Strong, and Vladimir the Valiant—”

“Wait, those are our names?” Bram asked, chuckling.

“You guys didn’t pick your names so I made something up on the spot. Now stop interrupting!”

Simon and Bram put their hands up defensively, almost at the same time and Victor chuckled at that. Watching them over the call, Victor was just in awe by them. He guessed that when you were in a relationship for 2+ years, you started acting like the other person. It was weirdly sweet and Victor couldn’t get enough of it. This was what it was supposed to be like to love someone like he did. Maybe one day him and Benji would be that close, would be so love that they were in total sync. It sucked that he was jealous of them, but he was.

“So you guys are traveling through this cave and this big monster thing that looks like it’s from Alien jumps out and lunges at you. Bram, your action.”

“Uh, can I throw Simon at it?”

“Hey!”

“You can if you’d like.” Felix responds. But Bram is shaking his head.

“Can I sing to it?” Victor jokes, smiling brighter than he has in days, his cheeks burning. And when Felix glares at him he simply responds, “What? Isn’t that all that Bards can do in battle?”

“Y’know what, roll for that.”

“For what?”

“Performance! C’mon, you know this! I went over it with you every single day this week during lunch!”

Victor chuckles as Felix puts his blue die into his hand. Victor gives it a good shake before he throws it onto the table.

“10.”

Fellix then takes his own die and rolls his own number.

“I got 15, so that did not hit. The Alien is still awake, and none of its stats have been altered.”

“Nice try Victor!” Simon said encouragingly, before turning to his boyfriend. “Maybe this is a job for a paladin?”

“Okay, I’ll try. Um, I’m going to attack the Alien with my sword.”

“Okay, roll for strength, then add your modifier from your character sheet.” Felix said.

Bram ironically cracked his knuckles before taking his die and rolling, which both Victor and Simon found amusing.

“Uh, 14. Plus my strength modifier which is +2.”

“Okay, you definitely hit it. Now roll for damage given.”

Bram looked blankly at Felix.

“Just, roll the die again to see how much damage you deal on the Alien.”

“Oh, gotcha.”

Bram rolls again.

“Uh, 9. Is that with the modifier still or no?”

“Not this time, but you’ve dealt 9d sword damage to the Alien, which means you’ve been spotted and Simon’s character can’t use his stealth to get away anymore.”

“What? We could’ve snuck around it?” Bram grumbled, throwing his hands up in the air.

“It’s an open-world kind of game, man. You gotta think outside of the box.” Felix replied pointedly. Bram sighed and handed the die to Simon, who chose to roll for dexterity, to run away from the alien.

“Isn’t Bram the athlete?” Victor teases him.

“Yeah! But you’re just gonna run away from the alien and leave us to die from it?”

“No! If this works, I’m gonna go find the next village and see if there’s anyone who can help us.”

“Alright, roll for that.” Felix says.

Simon shakes the die like Bram did, but with a bit more vigor and then throws it down on his coffee table.

“Uh…it’s a nat 20!” Simon cheers, but he looks nervous.

“I’m trusting you here!” Felix reminds him. “I can’t actually see your die, but you better be honest with me!”

“It’s a one.” Bram informs his DM, looking scared at what outcome this will yield as he grabs Simon’s arm and squeezes it tightly toward his body.

“Bram!”

“Simon, they’re our friends! We can’t lie to them!”

“Fine,” Simon grumbles. “I just hope we’re not screwed now.”

“So Simon, since you got rolled a 1, you’re getting the energy to run away and then slip and fall and yell, ‘fuck!’ just as loudly as you can, so now the Alien has turned on you.”

“Oh shit!” Simon yells, almost proving Felix’s point.

It takes a little while before anyone knows what to do to stop the monster, and since it’s the afternoon and the boys haven’t eaten anything, they take a break for some pizza delivery before going back to the game.

“I’m gonna try to hit it again.” Bram says when they sit back down to it. It’s been hours since they started the game and all they’ve done is fight this one monster, but Victor doesn’t care. He hasn’t thought a bit about what going back to his house is gonna be like and frankly he doesn’t care. He’s enjoying this nerdy time with his friends and wish it could never stop.

“Roll for strength.”

Bram does.

“Ugh, 3!”

“Is that with or without the modifier?” Felix asks. Luckily it’s without.

“So 5? That does not hit. Now you’ve made the Alien all angry though.”

“Ugh, what now?”

“Victor, your turn again.” Felix tells him, handing him his blue die. “What’s your action?”

“I’m gonna see if maybe I can appeal to a nearby animal for help.” Victor says, sounding just like a bard. Felix can’t help but laugh, but it’s a sound strategy, as nothing else has worked out for them yet.

“Roll for performance.” Felix says.

Victor shakes the die and then drops it onto the table. It moves around and around like a spinning top. It’s moving so fast, but at one point it looks like it’s gonna be a nat 20 before it tips the opposite direction. Victor sighs in disappointment before he realizes it has landed on 18.

“What, no way!” Victor cries out, holding his hands up high towards the ceiling. “That’s a nat 20 right?”

“Well, it is a 20, but not a natural 20. You definitely got some animal’s attention. A wolf-bat hybrid creature comes out of its den in the cave and you ask it to help you and your friends get out of the cave. And it’s happy you asked it for help, so it starts leading you out of the cave and away from the alien. Just then—”

“What? Just then, nothing. I rolled a 20, you can’t have something happen to us now!” Victor cries out.

“It’s my game, I can do whatever I want.” Felix replies his voice light and teasing.

“There’s a sudden earthquake and huge rocks start falling down upon all of you. All of you roll for dexterity to get out of the way of the falling rocks and catch up with the wolf-bat hybrid to get to safety.”

Simon rolls, then Bram and Victor roll simultaneously. Simon rolls a 7, Bram a 13, and Victor gets an 11.

“Since Bram made it above 12, he has to help Simon out of the cave after he gets hit on the back of the head once with a rock. Victor leads the group to safety with the help of the wolf-bat hybrid and it’s on to the next village. End of game 1.”

“Wow! What an awesome game Felix!” Bram remarks.

“This was really fun you guys,” Simon agrees, speaking into the webcam as if he was meeting Felix and Victor’s gazes directly. “Hopefully we can do it again next time when we’re in Atlanta.”

“Wait, you mean, you guys are coming to visit US?” Victor asks, incredulous. He can’t believe his ears.

“Yeah, you came to visit us, it’s only fair we do the same thing. Besides, Bram wants to get some pointers from the coach about how to coach middle school kids.”

“Might wanna choose a different gym teacher to learn from,” Felix tells him, smiling.

“Whatever, we wanna see you guys, and introduce you to our friends Leah and Abby too. We’re all coming back for a homecoming type thing, even our friend Nick is gonna be there. It’s not for at least a month, but we’ll be up there soon, I promise. And as always, we’re here if you need anything, Victor.”

“Thanks you guys. I can’t wait to see you guys in person again.” Victor says, and he’s definitely gushing. They used to be strangers to him, but now he can’t imagine life without their support. They’re like his fairy gay fathers or something. Victor laughs at that prospect, but it’s an accurate name for them.

“Nice meeting you Felix! Great game! Talk to you guys soon!” Bram says, and the call goes out.

“They’re really great.” Felix says, almost absentmindedly.

“Yeah,” Victor says, fully registering how he feels towards all the new friends he’s made in the last few weeks, and a warm, welcoming feeling filling up his stomach, almost like the butterflies that welled up in his chest when he kissed Benji. Only this was different. This was purely platonic. Victor’s family life might not be what he’d like it to be right now, but his social life was better than it ever was in Texas. What’s more, he was finally living his true life, his gay self, and he felt better than he had in days.

“Yeah, they’re pretty great.”

[sometimes-love-is-enough]

Bards Against Humanity™ is an absolute gift and i would absolutely not be opposed to hearing more about it if you don't mind! ( also 'hard to be the bard' from something rotten immediately started playing in my head as soon as i heard about this idea so thank you for that )

you would have expected logan to be all ‘this activity is beneath me’ right? nah. he knows the rulebook better than any of them, and he’s not even trying all that hard to disguise the fact that he’s having a blast. sometimes he’s a bit of a rules lawyer but also he comes up with the best plans with a limited amount of spells so it all balances out

roman and remus specifically know exactly what thomas has planned because they are the part of him that came up with it. roman doesn’t abuse this too much (so only 40% of the time) but remus absolutely does and is completely shameless about it. they’re responsible for the strangest form of metagaming in existence: literally being able to read the DM’s mind. 

‘at least i won’t have this problem when i’m playing with my friends,’ says thomas optimistically, over the sounds of remus blithely and cheerfully tripping facefirst into every trap in the dungeon just to see how much he can survive as roman devises the coolest-looking possible plan for confronting the arc villain

technically the others could probably get into this as well but they don’t. well janus maybe does. but he will never admit to it

roman also offered to make the whole gaming thing a lot more immersive by means of Daydream Mode but Thomas declined on account of him wanting to get used to regular D&D first. they play in the living room, with a whole lot of pillows and snacks. and they use real dice after logan realized that janus kept rigging his d20 to always roll high.

roman brings an actual lute along, and patton brings an actual kazoo. remus has been banned from bringing his piano because it doesn’t actually fit into the living room and its existence gives everyone a headache. they have an ornamental microphone that they pass to anyone whenever they’re about to do some non-instrumental bardly shit. it’s not because it’s functional or anything it’s just because it’s really satisfying to do the mic drop right after rolling a nat 20

i’m probably not going to go too much into their characters because that becomes another layer of metaplot in things like this and i’m well aware it’s hard to care about something like that. that being said. janus’s character is absolutely the sort of person who dresses like full fantasy villain. ominous haughty accent. all the dark terrible spells. maybe even does an evil cackle or two. his greatest-kept secret is the fact that his alignment is solidly chaotic good. 

thomas should not have laughed and jokingly said that if virgil can genuinely scare him with an improvised spell he gets inspiration when virgil asked him about it. that was a mistake. a really big mistake. 

oh yes i feel like i didn’t make this clear when i mentioned it the first time. remus’s piano doubles as a weapon and occasionally a battering ram. that’s why it has all those strengthening spells on it. 

the first few sessions of the campaign aren’t actually all that great because thomas has genuinely no idea what he’s doing. they end up doing a pretty generic sort of adventure. maybe even Mines of Phandelver. this isn’t to say that it’s not fun, because if it wasn’t they wouldn’t keep playing, but it’s not UNIQUE in any sense of the word

but he gets better at it. virgil complains about it being too high-fantasy for his tastes and thomas is like okay, let’s throw in a bunch of goofy anachronisms’ (’and butts’ ‘no remus no butts during d&d night please put away that copy of the book of erotic fantasy’) 

the bard party ends up at the continent’s biggest arts and music festival and gets embroiled in a musical conspiracy so complicated that literally nobody at the table, including thomas, can keep track of it. they’re running solidly on ‘yes, and’ and rule of cool and are pretty much writing the story together as they go. which was always going to happen. i mean what did you expect they’re all the same person, their ideas blend and blur together after a point