#there comes a point where i can't be bothered to keep up with star wars nouns and this was one of those times probably

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Desire

Fandom: Star Wars - The Acolyte

Pairing: Qimir x GN!Reader

Summary: It's clear to you that you're attracted to Qimir and, sure, he likes to touch you and be near you, but that doesn't necessarily mean he wants to be sexually intimate with you right?

Warning: smut but tried not to make it super not detailed since reader is gender neutral. but his dick def goes somewhere lmao

Qimir Masterlist

Qimir's hand runs up your hand your arm, a trail of goosebumps following it.

You're supposed to be meditating by the water, but Qimir is...distracting.

You feel him graze his lips over the nape of your neck and you let out a shaky sigh, "You're distracting me."

"That's the point," his voice is low and rasp in your ear, "There can be a lot of things going on at once, but you still need to be able to focus and become one with the Force."

He chuckles as your breath hitches when he presses a kiss on your shoulder, "Focus."

His hands slide up your thighs, his fingers messing with the band of your pants. Your heart quickens, your breath trying to steady but as his hand slips under, gliding along your skin.

Your entire body is buzzing and it's not because of the Force this time. This is different. You grow hot as Qimir continues to press kisses along your neck and shoulders.

His hand presses against you and you gasp. You don't stop him as moves his hand, bringing you to pleasure. You lean back against him, opening yourself more to him.

He nuzzles his face into your neck and he works you faster, the coil building up inside you more and more.

"Qimir," you moan his name.

He hums out in satisfaction, "Cum for me."

You're shaken awake before you can climax.

You look up in shock to see Qimir looking down at you with concern, "Are you okay? You were calling me in your sleep. You sounded...hurt."

Your cheeks grow warm as you abruptly sit up, "Yup. Yeah, just, uh, bad dream...again."

He leans back, looking at you with uncertainty, "Did you want to talk-"

"Nope. It's fine. Just...I think I'm going to swim to clear my head." You kick off your blanket and slip on your shoes, practically running out of the cave and away from Qimir.

_____________________

He could sense how uneasy you're feeling. You're tense, jumpy, cautious. He could feel those emotions rolling off you in waves. He just didn't know why.

He steps out of the cave, looking out to the water where you were wading in the water. He focuses on you, using the Force to get an idea of what's been bothering you.

He feels that coil in his stomach, something he's felt a few times throughout his life. A smirk reaches his face and he lets out a chuckle of disbelief.

You're aroused, not doubt because of him. He has been touching you a lot more, pressing himself closer to you. Albeit, it hasn't been due to sexual desire, but rather just an innate need to be close to you.

He supposes, however, that he can turn it up a notch, because who is he to deny you pleasurable release? Besides, it's not good for you to continue training while so...riled up.

He makes his way to the shore, swiftly and quietly. Your back is to him as you cup water in your hands, letting is fall onto your body.

He undresses and steps into the water.

"Mind if I join you?" you yelp in surprise, burying your nude body further into the water, "I-uh-no. It's fine," you respond.

"Taking a swim was a good idea. You've been on edge lately," he says as he slowly makes his way to you.

You gulp, trying to the keep the distance between you, "Yeah, um, those nightmares have been sticking with me a lot longer than I would like."

"You should let me help you."

"It's not your problem-"

"It is. If you're to be my equal, if I'm to train you, there can't be any distractions. I want to make sure that your mind and body are at ease. What's holding you back?"

You stay frozen in place as Qimir comes closer to you. You're not sure what to say. Do you tell him the truth? Do you lie? Surely, he knows you'd be lying, right? Maybe if you bend the truth a little it wouldn't really be a l-

You gasp when his hand cups your face, "It's because of me, isn't it?"

You want to deny it, but before a word comes out, he gives you a knowing smirk, "I know it's because of me." His hand trails down your neck, to your shoulder, "It's okay, you can let go," he whispers and that's all you hear before you're pressing your lips to his.

He grabs you by the hips, pulling you flush against him. You gasp when you feel his hardening member pressed against you.

He grinds into you and you can’t help but moan into the kiss. He pulls his lips away, only to press hot kisses along your jaw and down your neck.

“Qimir,” you say his name breathlessly, arms wrapping around his shoulders.

He slowly backs you towards the rocks, pressing you against the hard surface as he kisses you again. He grinds against you more and your body fills with desire. You want him. You need him.

“Please,” you beg, “I want to let go.”

He pulls away just enough for him to ask, “Are you sure?”

You nod, “Yes,” you whisper.

His hand goes to your thigh and lifts it to hook around his waist. He rests his forehead against yours as he murmurs, “Tell me if it becomes too much.”

He slowly inserts himself in you and you gasp, nails digging into his shoulders as he fills you up.

You moan as he slowly moves his hips against you. You run a hand up the back of Qimir’s neck and grip his hair as he hits you in a particular spot that makes you loudly moan.

His groans of pleasure mix with yours as he continues to thrust into you.

“You’re mine. I told you: we’re meant to be,” he murmurs into your skin.

You nod in agreement, “I’m yours.”

Hearing those two words spurs Qimir on even more. He quickens his pace. His hands gripping tightly onto your leg and hip.

One of your hands still remains in his hair while the other digs your nails into his shoulder. He stares deeply into your eyes with his dark brown ones.

“You are my equal. My one. We share a bond that cannot be broken. You will be at my side always,” he states in between panting breaths.

“Always,” you recite with a moan as your own pleasure builds up.

He buries his face into your neck as he thrusts harshly into you one…two…three times before his hips still and he’s spilling into you.

“Qi-“ you moan his name while your own wave of pleasure washes over you.

You let out a gasp and a long deep breath, falling limp against the rock he took you against.

He continues to hold you despite your weakened state.

His breaths are short, hot, and heavy against your wet skin.

He leans back and you look at him, swiping his damp locks out of his face.

He kisses your palm, “How do you feel now?”

You give him a light chuckle, “Free.”

[sapphossparenoterbook]

May I please request Agatha x reader where the reader has a really bad anxiety disorder, like so bad they can't even work a normal job outside the house. And Agatha comforts them telling them that she loves them regardless?

Anxious

Agatha Harkness x Reader

TW: An annoying child...

Today sucked. Badly. You hadn’t realised that you’d run out of your anxiety meds until Agatha had already left the house for work. And then you were too nervous to call her and see if she had any free time during her break to go to the pharmacy and help you out with your shitty situation here. And even if you had the balls to call your girlfriend, you had about 10 important projects for work to finish up. At least working from home for your boring office job hasn’t backfired like everything else today.

By lunch, your day had slightly begun to get better. Agatha had made you your favourite lunch for you to find waiting for you in the fridge, your colleagues had emailed you to thank you for fishing your side of the project early so that they can get a head start on their reports, and you felt the pit of anxiety in your stomach slightly loosen at the easy-going atmosphere in your home. That was until Dottie, one of your neighbours, had knocked on the door and practically demanded you babysit her child for the evening while all but throwing the small girl into your hallway. 

Oh, god. This is bad. This kid was a brat and always was going to be, with a mother like Dottie teaching her everything she knows in how to be a spoiled little bitch. You’d been an eye witness of what happens when this little girl gets jealous of one of the other kids on the street for a new bike or toy they had, and had always managed to steer absolutely clear of this little demon child. 

And now here she sat, looking up at you with a pout and a mischievous look in her eyes, as if she was an apex predator that could smell your fear and was going to hunt you down in your own home. This very much felt like your favourite movie, Alien, had come to life specifically just to ruin your so far good day.

From this point, your anxiety wouldn't stop getting worse all day. You spent the rest of the day trying to finish more projects that you were sure really needed to be done early or your colleagues would be pissed, while also trying to keep this monster child calm by doting on her constantly. 

Agatha’s supply of chocolate ice cream was gone by two o’clock. Then there goes your supply of skittles you’d be saving for tonight. After that, all your sweet snacks were gone and the child was running in goddamn circles from a sugar high, and all of a sudden the image of Dottie banging on the door tomorrow because you’d given her child so much sugar that she hadn’t slept all night. 

“Just– just slow down!” You say, reaching out to gently grab the child’s arm before imaging her screeching and crying, telling everyone that you’d gripped her arm so hard you’d bruised her, causing the whole neighbourhood to never trust you around their kids. Ever. Okay, so maybe that’s not such a bad outcome… but still!

“Do you wanna watch some TV? Or… or a movie? I’ve got movies..!” You say, before rushing over to the shelf where you and Agatha keep all of your DVDs and BluRays, desperately looking through them for something much more PG than Goodfellas, and The Godfather, which would all probably get this kid’s annoying ass mother over the house in an instant. Just as you sift through the movies and find your old copy of Star Wars episode 4, the doorbell rings again, and you hope that it’s either Agatha or Dottie coming back to pick up her kid, and not another unwanted guest. Thankfully, when you open the door it’s both, and Agatha can tell by the look on your face as you open the door that you’re anxious and stressed, and need this kid out of the house instantly.

“Come on, honey! Grab all of your stuff, it’s time to go now!” Dottie calls to her daughter from the door, not even bothering to actually go and get her. Just as you turn around, you see the brat putting your Star Wars disc into her little unicorn backpack. “Uh, hold on a second… that’s mine, you can’t keep it sor–” 

“BUT YOU GAVE IT TO ME, YOU SAID I COULD WATCH IT! MUUUUUMMM, SHE’S YING, SHE’S LYING, SHE’S LYING–” You instantly flinch back as the brat begins to scream and shout, anxiety building that everything you’d imagined was about to come true, and her mother would shift the blame onto you rather than her lack of parenting skills. Before anyone can say anything, you rush away, off into your home office and locking the door behind you. 

For a long time, you sit in your office, spinning your chair and curling up into a tight ball, trying to ignore the sounds of Dottie shouting at Agatha over the Star Wars disc, and the sense of dread that it’s all your fault, and that you should’ve just noticed you were running low on meds earlier in the week so that this fucking bullshit wouldn’t have happened. You think Agatha is going to be mad at you, and that it’s going to spiral into something big, but somewhere under all your anxiety is the knowledge that Agatha would never do that to you. She hasn’t done it before, and she won’t now, and deep down that is pretty clear by the way she’s fighting like her life depends on it over a Star Wars disc that is very easily replaced.

“That’s not the goddamn point, Dottie!” You hear Agatha shout. “It’s not about the DVD! It’s about the fact that you’re teaching your daughter to just ransack my house and take whatever she wants! So yeah, I want the disc back!” She then pauses, and Dottie must have said something in her quiet but demeaning tone in that pause, because then Agatha’s loud shouts start back up again. “My girlfriend does have a job! She’s not just some housewife for you to drop your kids off at when you can’t be bothered to teach them manners–she works from home, she shouldn’t have to stop what she’s doing in the day just to dote over your brat! If you drop her off like that again, we’re telling your husband that he needs to pay for a babysitter. Not just for your kid, but for you too.” 

The front door slams, and through your slightly open window you hear Dottie’s entitled “Oh, how rude!” from outside, clearly trying to get the other neighbours attention and ruin their opinion of Agatha. But they all know the drill, no one gives Dottie the time of day anymore, which may be why she dropped her kid, Lottie, off at your house and not one of the other neighbour’s, clearly she’s out of options. You make sure to close your window too, and take a few deep breaths before you hear Agatha knocking at your office’s door.

“Baby, are you okay in there? It’s been a rough day, huh?” Agatha’s soft voice calls from behind the door, a stark contrast to the rough toe she’d used with Dottie and her child. “Do you wanna talk about it, or shall I leave you be for a little bit so you can gather your thoughts..?” 

You get up and unlock the door, and open it to see Agatha already looking down at you with a worried look in your eye. 

“Aw, hon… you look like a soggy puppy…” Agatha says, and you turn your head to the mirror in the hall and stare at your own face looking back at you. Wide, sad puppy dog eyes. A little pout on your lips, tense furrowed eyebrows, and a wobbly chin as you try not to cry. 

“No I don't, I just look stupid and sad…” You practically whine out your words like a toddler, overwhelmed with anxiety and stress, and Agatha’s lips move into a slightly pursed smile as she instantly clues in on what's gone on. 

“I checked your pill box after Dottie and that annoying brat left… Why didn’y you call me and say you needed some more, love? I could have easily gone to the pharmacy and got some more for you during your break, you know Jen always keeps them in stock just in case we’re unprepared…”

“I didn’t wanna bother you… I was worried you were too busy, and my call would’ve annoyed you or somethi–” Agatha stops you right there with her finger, making a shushing motion on your lips. 

“Honey, I’d never be annoyed at you just for asking me for help, and I wasn't even that busy today anyway, it was a real doozy actually…” 

You feel a sense of insecurity rising up in your chest, that and stupidity. Of course you could ask your girlfriend to do that for you! Why did you think differently for even a second?! For god's sake, you always do such stupid things that just make the situations so much worse all because you can’t handle your own goddamn feelings when it comes to slightly stressful stuff like this, for god's sake–! 

“Hey, hey, hey… where did your head go?” Agatha asks, gently holding your face in both of her hands and making you look into her eyes. 

“I… I just feel so stupid over this. Why didn’t I just tell you? For God’s sake, could’ve avoided all of this…” 

“Honey, it’s not your fault that you ran out of your meds. Normally we’re both so on top of getting your prescription on time, it’s not your fault that we were both too busy to notice, honey.” Agatha said, and gently drops her hands down to your wrists, and pulls you out of your office and back into the living room of your house, setting you on the couch next to her. 

“Here, much more relaxing than in that cramped office of yours.” 

You practically mould into Agatha’s side as you snuggle into her, and she rubs your back gently. “So, what happened? Aside from that annoying brat ransacking the house…” 

“Mmm, no… that was pretty much it. I was doing pretty well actually, got most of my work done early until Dottie came and ruined it all…” 

You take in a deep breath, and try to ease the insecurity in your chest. 

“Now I’m a little behind on my usual schedule, and my boss wouldn’t reply to my emails so it’s almost like he knows, and I feel so stupid because all I had to do was tell Dottie that I was too busy and I couldn’t even do that! How am I supposed to do my job if I can’t even say no to an annoying neighbour! And not only that, but I’m really stressed about having to go into the office next week for that meeting, and I’m too scared to ask them to do it over a zoom call or something for me, I just feel like such a burden–”

“Okay, woah, honey I’m gonna stop you there. I understand that you’re stressed about this, but you know just as well as I do that your boss and all of your colleagues love you! They’ve been so, so supportive about this for you, and they can’t even say you have to go into the office if they want to because they’ve said it themselves that you work so much faster when you work from home. Also, no one in the whole street can ever say no to Dottie. She doesn’t even let people speak while she gets them to do stuff, and when it comes down to it you know that the whole neighbourhood prefers you over Dottie.” 

Agatha pauses, and moves your head again so that you’re once again looking eye to eye. She stares down at you for a second with a little goofy smile on her face, before giving you a soft kiss on the lips and slowly pulling away, before kissing your nose too. 

“And besides… I love you regardless, and nothing’s gonna change that. Not even if Dottie comes over here saying you… killed her kid, or something.” 

You snort, “Well I’m not gonna do that… but that definitely says something about you more than it does me.”

Molly pauses, and looks back up at Agatha. “Are you sure, though? I mean… what if I screwed something up so bad that–” 

“Hey, no! That’s not how this is going to go, okay? I care about you, and I love you too much to just… flip a switch like that because we both forgot to grab your prescription yesterday. I promise you, your anxiety isn’t something that stops you from being like everyone else, everyone has things about themselves that they need to work around to be more like the person they wanna be. And I really don’t think your anxiety is one of those things you’re going to have to work around, I think you’re perfect as you are already, and no one is going to be able to change that. Not for me, at least.” 

Today sucked. Badly. But sitting here next to Agatha, in this little bubble of love and care, it doesn’t seem all that bad.

[fountainpenguin]

"And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem... but if I know you, I know what you'll do..." (x)

---

New Dog's Life chapter today! ~ 3rd Life series fan-season

Chapter 29 - “Melt (Jimmy, Pearl, Sniff)”

❤️ Read on AO3

💛 Start from Chapter 1

💚 More Pixels Imperfect fics

---

Jimmy's NOT about to lose this game. He takes the slimes' turf war banner where no one will ever find it... outside New Star Station's perimeter. Meanwhile, Pearl and Rhetoric visit Mumbo's flat to borrow his llamas. Scar and SnifferMyFeet unwind after a long evening of glitchy code.

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

---

SolidarityGaming - Canary (Ex-Cockatiel)

Status: Not losing

Event planner & health teacher at New Star Station Education building

🖤  🧡  💚

They'll never find him. Never, ever, in a billion years. Jimmy muffles his giggles in the crook of his sleeve, snuggling up in the sky blue wrinkles of his jacket. Overworld's sky, anyway. Voices echo outside the cave, half drowned in the noise of the moat from up the hill…

This is fun. Everyone's looking for him. They think they'll catch him - think he'll make a mistake - but they're not going to win. Nah, not him. It's like playing Decked Out all over again, except this time he's without Tango or Etho shouting encouragement in his ears. Jimmy wedges his shoulders back against the bedrock blocks, keeping every breath slow and even. His fingers curl more tightly around the banner in his hand. It's blue and green, marking slime territory. It's not a real rule about borders and where different species can go. Everyone's just having fun. It's a game. It's a point system. It's currency. It's play.

And I'm winning. He's staying alive. He's not getting caught; he's not the first one out. He hunkers in his long-legged ball of limbs, fluttering his wings, and listens with a tight-lipped smirk to the people walking around outside.

"Do you think he's hiding in Tango's room?"

"They'll be exes by morning, then. Can you imagine walking in on your blaze boyfriend with a slime border flag? What do you do- Thump it in front of the toilet so he can't use it this month? 'Babe, c'mon! Don't be like that!'"

Uproarious laughter. Jimmy breathes softly in his sleeves, smiling only to himself. It's not his place right now to correct them on the whole "boyfriend" thing. See, they'd catch him then. That's how he'd lose the game. He stays on the other side of the bedrock wall, rolling his thumb across the banner wool.

"Maybe they had a fight," chimes in a third voice. "Maybe Jimmy wants to bother Tango. Maybe he's breaking up with him."

"Didn't see him with a token tonight."

"I don't think he's seeing anyone."

New voice: "Yeah, he- I guess he thinks he'll be waking up betrothed any day now. Urges must be getting pretty serious. Not sure why he bothers, though. The chances his partner's in New Star must be astronomical."

"Didn't he use to date the mayor?"

Jimmy's fingers twitch. He doesn't open his eyes. Doesn't answer. He is winning this game, no matter what they say about him. It's the most important thing in the world. Everything pulsing in him is screaming for it. To burrow. To win. To stand up and fight, though he's trying to keep that urge tamped down.

"I think ZombieCleo's dating him now."

"Yeah, what happened to his ex? Wasn't he married to a bat girl?"

"I think so- I heard they divorced." The voices start moving away, heading farther along the border road. Someone kicks a rock. It bounces, smacking, and the last speaker lifts their voice again. "Say he is in Tango's room. Does that mean we own the turf all the way out here?"

"If it does, he's wrecked the borders. It's going to be a pain to manage a huge spike in the path."

The words fade out. Jimmy loosens his grip on his limbs, breathing deeper breaths. His foot comes down with a thump, heel pressed tight to bedrock. He unfolds his wings. The banner's soft and squishy in his hand. He gets off the block he's been sitting on and starts to stretch. It's dark in the cave, even with his brightness settings turned all the way up. But…

… It doesn't look so dangerous. Scott always made it sound, well… like this place was a death pit crawling with mobs. Jimmy turns his head, gazing farther up the path. He's definitely win the turf war if he took the slime flag all the way up there. The other slime hybrids are fussy tonight, but they'll appreciate this when everything is said and done. War isn't about who's right, but about who's left, isn't it? And there aren't any mobs. Jimmy pulls his britches up a little higher for the show of it, sticking his thumbs in the waistband. He's got the belt, though he could really use a cowboy hat and some boots with spurs. It's too bad Ranger's off the clock tonight. It'd be fun to get a little recording done.

Every step he takes up the bedrock path sends a shower of bedrock down behind him. It isn't steep, though sometimes it's easier to grip the walls and pull himself along that way. Luckily he has wings. His aren't too big. The tunnel's narrow, but flapping them helps him keep his balance. He wrinkles his nose, crumpled fingers pinching, and moves step by step up the path. At one point his foot skids. His hand scrapes the wall- he nearly lands on his wings. Jimmy hisses. He adjusts himself, bracing his palm against his knee, and starts moving again. And you know why?

"I'm not going out first. I have to do this. They're never going to find me now."

The cave doesn't smell damp or moldy. It's quite dry, actually. Almost unnaturally so. No dripstone. Jimmy listens for throaty witch cackles, ravager grunts, or passing wardens. None echo back at him. Maybe they're not real. Only the whirr of the bullet path. It hums and crackles with snapping white energy. Leaping. Guzzling. I didn't know the bullet path reached all the way out here. Is this a different one?

It only takes a minute or two of walking before he's at the top of the bedrock path. The ceiling's not as high as he'd like it to be, but it's high enough. The cave glows. The bullet path gushes, spraying data stream particles in the air, and rubs against its banks. There are no rocks in its center. Nothing but pure, empty energy. Jimmy takes every step with smothered breaths, dangling the slime flag from his hand.

[Full chapter on AO3 - Links at top]

[wjbs-bonkle-au]

Lynn’s Bionicle Media Looking-At Thing Part 7: Glatorian Arena Is Where I First Heard Of Unity

Also before I start, I am writing these after I've first played each one. If something gets fixed or made worse in a later game, it will be brought up in that game's description.

Glatorian Arena 1

I don't like this game. Sorry about how negative the last few of these posts have been.

So basically Glatorian Arena is a Bionicle fighting game, which sounds like it would be cool! But it kinda isn't. I haven't played it, but there's a Star Wars PS1 fighting game that I saw in an Ashens video like 2 years ago, and it looked pretty similar, so I guess if you like Star Wars: Masters of Teräs Käsi, then you should play Glatorian Arena.

So you start in this room. Initially only Gresh is unlocked, but you can enter codes from the 2009 sets to unlock the other wave 1 Glatorian. You may notice this screenshot is tiny; that's because the game can't be played in widescreen.

You can click on stuff in this room! I'll go left to right:

Achievements Bionicle Awards

An achievement menu. The gold icons in the top-right corner kinda remind me of Bionicle Heroes, which is kinda neat I guess? It kinda says something that the only achievements I have unlocked are the ones for the non-combat part of the game (more on that later).

RPG Stuff Character Sheet

Yeah, this game has RPG mechanics! I have no experience points so I can't demonstrate. Also I swear the + and - icons are almost the same as the ones in Clash: Artifacts Of Chaos, but I can't be bothered to check.

Character Select/Character Unlock

Ok so when you start the pillar next to your character is empty and gains little character symbols as you unlock them, but I wanted to unlock every character so I did that. Thankfully the "enter code" window still comes up. Different characters have different stats, but that doesn't really help. Clicking the symbols changes your character to the corresponding one.

Help

It's just a keyboard mapping menu, with other images explaining the gameplay (which may or may not be the ones that show up before playing).

Settings

You can rebind your keys in this game, which I did. Also the quality control is nice, and from this point onwards every screenshot will be on the highest quality because it's 2024 and my computer can handle it.

The Actual Games

Yeah, this game is actually two (technically three) games!

Challenge Game is the main attraction. You can walk backwards and forwards and rotate around the arena, and do light, heavy and ranged attacks. There are a few problems; the Thornax can hit any enemy, regardless of height. The hit detection is kinda ass, so you can't reliably hit your enemy. You can apparently parry, but while the enemies definitely do it sometimes, you can only block. Enemies can spam their attacks constantly. You move really slowly. I could go on. I did manage to win a round while getting the screenshots for this post, but it's painful otherwise.

Spikeball is like. A sports thing? And it's painful. If an opponent so much as touches you, you have to spam the spacebar to keep the ball, which you probably won't because there's like a little gauge that pushes against you at a rate that makes it almost impossible to succeed, and you can escape a ball-grab only for another Skrall to grab your ball and yes that was meant to sound kinda suggestive.

The last "game" is Outskirts Area, where you just. Walk around slowly and do dialogue trees with Agori. That's it. There's no gameplay or shops. This is where all my achievements (when I wrote that section, at least) came from. They're just the ones you get for talking to everyone.

The dialogue doesn't even change if you play as someone else.

Glatorian Arena 2

Ok this one is basically the same as the first, but with the wave 2 characters. However, there is stuff worth talking about. Spikeball is out, and has been replaced by the ability to refight every opponent from the first game if you talk to every Agori and beat the second set of "main" opponents (according to Biosector, at least).

Also the Outskirts have been replaced by the Dwellings, which looks like this. The dialogue is also different, and when I talked to Berix, one of his dialogue options was locked, which means there might be even more RPG mechanics. Yay.

Glatorian Arena 3

So a thing I found out while downloading the games for this post was that Glatorian Arena 3 was only released as an unfinished version via BZPower, so this one might be different.

This one ran from an installer rather than being an executable in a zip, which is. Interesting. Also I'm writing this one as I navigate for fun.

Right off the bat, this one is different. For one, it's fullscreen, and the startup menu has more options; the original one has a pulsing "Play Game" option, but this has options for a new game, quick play, and even multiplayer!

There's even a difficulty select, which is cool!

... oh. It's even more limited. You don't even have to unlock anyone, you can just freely flip through characters.

You can't even explore the outside area. It's just the normal arena fighting gameplay.

Well this was disappointing. Sorry. Next time will hopefully be more interesting.

[bereft-of-frogs]

✨ Fic Writing Review 2023 ✨

@aurorawest tagged me in this an age ago but there was always a chance (however slight) that I'd maaayyybe finish something else before the end of the year (I did not) so I held off. But! It's time for the 2023 review.

Words and Fics

103, 870 words posted

Technically only 1 fandom, but then like...3 subfandoms? (Star Wars: Fallen Order, Prequels/JA-era, and A New Dawn/The Last Padawan)

14 fics

1 ongoing WIP, 2 multi-chapter, 10 oneshots, and 2 chapters added onto my OC repository, 2 series

most recent drop: we are made of our longest days

longest: technically the whole of the dark ocean duology at 50,304 but also just part 2: to stand at the edge of the sea (25,752)

shortest: found a tape that was blank (1,392)

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(dark ocean duology) part 1: the deep sea is a haunted house (63)

(dark ocean duology) part 2: to stand at the edge of the sea (59)

and some love for the bottom 5 because my favorite is among them: 1. a shadow resides by night (13), 2. follow me into the endless night (16) 3. p.s.: wipe the salt off of my skin (30), 4. I feel like I'm borrowing all my time (33), 5. take in a breath, fill your lungs (34)

My fandom fic events in 2023

just the usual whumptober taking up most of my autumn

Upcoming Events and Projects for 2024

for 2024 I think I'm going to try out like a 'leapfrog' method, where I focus on finishing a first draft, then let that percolate while I work on the next first draft on the list, then backtrack for the second and so on...I think this makes sense. I liked focusing on one project at a time last year and I'm hoping that gets me to make progress on the 4-parter that I really, really want to write and keep putting off.

omens and all kinds of signs (chapter 3)

manipulation/hostage thing (?) (part 1)* - I really need a better working title for this, this is not actually describing what's going on

the haunting presence / serial (part 4)**

the haunting presence / serial (part 3)**

manipulation/hostage thing that turns into an undercover thing (part 2)* - god these working titles are just so pithy aren't they

the haunting presence / serial (part 2)**

the haunting presence / serial (part 1)**

omens and all kinds of signs (chapter 4)

We'll see where that brings us in the year....and if I get derailed haha. If I make it through this I have a sick!fic in development and a myriad other bullet points of vague ideas, inspiration lightning might strike on one of them.

Last word: I spent the first third of 2023 so convinced I would never write again and in a not-great place, to clear 100k posting on ao3 was truly a relief and sharing all of this with you all has been a joy. Thanks for being there and I hope everyone has a happy New Year!

Rules & Tags below the cut! ***(ok let's be real, you all know me, I didn't actually tag anyone because I'm a mess of social anxiety and I always feel like I'm bothering people with tags (even though I am NEVER bothered by tags, but I can't apply that to myself for some reason, in my own mind I'm just uniquely annoying, but we don't have time to unpack all that--) but anyway, I put the rules there and the summaries for the two mystery upcoming fics if you want to see those or reference the rules!

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

I am too shy to tag anyone but if you're looking for an excuse to post some stats and goals use this as an open tag!

That should probably be one of my '2024 goals' to get less shy. ah well.

*This is a holdover from the 'psychological' whumptober prompt, I started it in October but knew it deserved more time and energy that I could give it on a deadline. The sort of core of the first part is my take on a 'fandom staple': the Haxion Brood finally gets the jump on the crew and they get entangled in a plot that's perhaps unnecessarily complex due to the interference of a...like 'HR consultant' Sorc Tormo hires, who attempts to manipulate them into carrying out their dirty work. Part 2 (it's a duology again folks!) picks up a bit after the end of part 1. Because to get out of the part 1 situation they end up owing someone a favor, and the calling in of that favor sends the crew on an undercover mission to a super-secret Imperial construction project. Clearly still developing some stuff, I don't have a working title or a good way of summarizing events, but I have a lot of dramatic scenes and everything pretty well outlined.

**Ah, my four part serial killer drama that I have been saying I've been saying I was going to work on for months. Years. This is going to be my year, I swear it! 'Why are you writing it in reverse order' it just makes more sense to work backwards, and part 4 I have the most clear plot outline for. Yeah it's fairly straightforward in general, a mysterious serial killer stalks Jedi through 4 generations. Possibly inspired by My Literal Nightmare, aka 'someone is secretly living in your house' (aka phrogging??? I learned there was a term for it while doing research for nanowrimo, I just thought I was being paranoid and sleep deprived during an insomniac period a few years ago lol) (it's a long story haha). But yeah this mysterious murderer who seems to not really exist at all, and vanishes like a ghost for years at a time.

[dreaminghour]

QuiAni Modern AU - Sleeping habits

Event: @domaystic Fandom: Star Wars Rating: Mature Audiences Prompt: 16 Sleeping habits Ship: Qui-Gon/Anakin Context: Modern AU. Qui-Gon is a karate instructor and Anakin is an adult model who takes his self-defense course. He then gives Qui-Gon a link to his page in an attempt to ask him out. Words: 1010

Sunday mornings Anakin wakes early enough to make them both waffles. He makes them from box mix, but Qui-Gon says he doesn't mind. He doesn't bring them to bed because of the early mishap that has all but scarred him. The house is quiet without his roommates awake, but that's what Qui-Gon prefers.

Qui-Gon barely eats anything but Anakin doesn't mind. When he's done, he puts all the dishes in the dishwasher and goes back to bed, drifting until his phone rings in the afternoon, usually Qui-Gon asking if he can drop by.

"Of course," Anakin says, suffused with pleasure that Qui-Gon wants to come by.

On this occasion, Qui-Gon comes back into the bedroom quietly, sitting softly on the side of the bed, stroking fingers lightly across Anakin's head where it peeks out from the covers.

"Is this what you do when I leave?" Qui-Gon asks, smiling when Anakin scrunches his nose and burrows back under the covers.

"Sorry," Anakin says. "You just wake up so much earlier than me."

"What do you mean? You get up earlier than I do."

Anakin peeks out with one eye and squints at him, his voice muffled.

"That's only so I can play good host." He huffs. "I need my beauty sleep." And he's gone once more.

Qui-Gon laughs loud enough to wake the house if they're around, but he takes off his clothes and gets back under the covers in only his boxers.

It takes a while for Anakin to realize—

"Don't you have work?"

"I forgot it was a holiday," Qui-Gon replies, his voice drowsy and warm.

"Oh… Mm…" So Anakin snuggles close.

~~~

It's hard on Saturdays for Qui-Gon to stay up, but since the first time Anakin invited him to watch him shoot his boudoir sets he can't say no.

Qui-Gon has a morning and afternoon class, but since he's been seeing Anakin, he stopped teaching for the evening class as well. He's not eager to let go of all his weekend shifts, not yet, but he relishes the extra time, especially since he gets to see Anakin work.

He's never been one for lingerie, and truth be told, Anakin isn't either. He wears it to keep things interesting on his page, to know the periods of his life a photo comes from if he finds it online where it shouldn't be. Qui-Gon tries not to be appalled at that, but Anakin shrugs it off so he tries to as well.

"Counter intuitive, but the more you charge for them, the more likely people won't share them. They're greedy like that."

It isn't about the lingerie itself, Qui-Gon knows.

Anakin doesn't do much on Saturdays. It's just the formal shoot he does each week, practice at setting up his equipment while his roommates are out at clubs or with partners. He doesn't always have the entire apartment to himself, but he uses the big room next to his bedroom as his studio more freely when he's alone.

Qui-Gon does very little comparatively.

Anakin sometimes wears a suit, sometimes just soft lounge clothes, slowly taking them off for the camera, but his eyes wander. There's a persona, a kind of haughtiness that belies Anakin's age, thrilling Qui-Gon in a way he didn't know he could be.

Anakin confessed that he hoped Qui-Gon would ravish him after that first photoshoot. Qui-Gon nearly didn't.

Since Anakin is usually naked, or nearly, Qui-Gon doesn't need to bother with undressing him. The previous hours have been a slow tease for both of them, Anakin doing all the work while Qui-Gon occasionally holds a bounce board, or just moves a light. He doesn't care about the lace, or the satin, the ruffles or the straps, but he loves seeing the acres of golden skin slowly revealed, strip by strip.

This only makes things worse when Anakin realizes.

Ostensibly, he's not changing anything in his photoshoots. The point is that they are for an audience, not for one specific man, but things change anyway. Anakin only breaks eye contact with Qui-Gon when the shutter goes off and half the time he needs to re-take the photo because he didn't do it quickly enough. It's like a sweet torture because it makes everything take longer. But there's something more raw, more feral in those photos and Anakin says he's been making more money.

Qui-Gon doesn't mind that the photos aren't just for him. He knows Anakin makes videos as well, sometimes in those outfits, but he's never watched them. He's building up a store of memories instead, lived moments that mean more than a video made for some nondescript audience could.

It's not about the lingerie, it's about the person you wear it for.

Anakin's never had to work to stay hard during his shoots, the whole idea is arousing to him, but now he has to be careful he doesn't get off too soon. He saves the most vulnerable parts for last, careful not to touch himself too much, wary of letting all his hard work go to waste.

Qui-Gon doesn't know how to tell him it would never be a waste.

There was one time which stuck in Qui-Gon's mind because he nearly came in his pants just from grinding against Anakin — who was naked as per. He was only saved because Anakin reached in to jerk him off and got it on his hand instead. He'd been watching Anakin get hard, straining a pair dark-red lace panties which shouldn't have been especially arousing, and yet. He watched Anakin move around, continually adjusting himself so the thick length of his cock wouldn't slip out until the right moment.

They stay up late on Saturday nights. Qui-Gon usually falls asleep before Anakin, cuddling with him in bed after they've calmed down a bit. Anakin stays up later editing photos on his laptop,

Sundays were for queuing up Saturday's efforts and replying to comments. Most often from bed.

In between Anakin sleeping late and Qui-Gon sleeping early, they managed to find plenty of time for one another.

[silverwings22]

Caught in the Crosshairs: Chapter 43: Dead Man Walking- Jelly Roll

Series warnings: Smut, mind control, canon typical violence, childhood trauma, language, chronic illness

Chapter Warnings: racism against clones, depression, murder, Crosshair being a little shit

Previous chapter:

Next Chapter:

32 rotations. 32 days and nights mostly in the rain, on a platform on Kamino. At least he'd had water.

Crosshair had been livid the entire time, cursing every name on his former squad for leaving him there… except the Jedi. Every time he started to try to talk himself into hating her, he heard her voice. 

You can always come home, Crosshair. 

But he didn't want to come home. He'd chosen the Empire, chosen to be her enemy even when Hunter told him directly that none of them were his. So why, in the weeks following his rescue from the platform where he'd been confined to his bunk to recover, did he keep thinking of her? 

The loud, annoying alarm woke him, like every morning, and he groaned faintly when he sat up. He was recovered, cleared for duty as of yesterday, but he still felt like garbage. She was right. When you're used to having someone in bed with you, sleeping alone is garbage. When had she told him that? When she was stabbed by Ventress, the day he'd snuck into the Temple to see her… the first time he'd told her he-

That's over now. Stop it. 

He got up and headed for the mess hall for breakfast, telling himself it didn't matter. He didn't love her anymore. He couldn't, not when she was a traitor. Even if he did occasionally hear snippets of her voice when he was tired. 

He sat down with his tray at the table with two regs, giving them a cursory glance. Whatever they'd been talking about died in the air, and they both just got up and moved a table over. He was used to it, the rejection from regs. He'd lived with it all his life, but… he'd always had his brothers back then. Tech would huff and point out the average IQ of the table was increased by their absence. Echo would roll his eyes and mutter under his breath that 99 would have been ashamed, while Wrecker asked too loudly why they'd want to hang out with regs anyway. Hunter would just smile a little, shaking his head like it didn't bother him. Maybe it didn't, Hunter had always looked more like a reg before the hair and tattoo. Miria would have just slid a little closer to Crosshair, because she always knew when he was upset, and put her little hand on his knee. He could practically hear her voice. "It's alright, my darling. They just can't see that shining star in you, and it's their loss."

"CT-9904 please report to Vice-Admiral Rampart's office immediately." 

Crosshair glanced up at the PA speaker. Ugh… what did that rat faced bastard want now? He got up and left his tray behind. The regs had killed his appetite anyway. 

Rampart's office looked like a monument to his ego, polished and pristine. "CT-9904. I see you've been medically cleared. How long were you on that Kaminoan platform?"

"32 rotations." Crosshair drawled. Something about the use of his CT number bugged him today. It shouldn't have, everyone here used it. But… he had the strangest desperate desire to hear his name. The name she always said, the name she'd asked him for three years ago without even wanting to hear the number. 

He was thinking too much about her again. 

"Left for dead and you still returned. Why?"

"I'm a soldier of the Empire."

The answer seemed to please Rampart. "Your loyalty is to be commended. I have a mission for you."

"What squad will I be leading?" 

Rampart snorted, and it felt knee a slap in the face. "You're not ready to play Commander again. Your new Commander will handle it. Report to the War Memorial at 0900." 

Crosshair froze, fists clenching. Back to taking orders instead of giving them… what the hell?! What did Rampart know… had he somehow found out that Crosshair lied about the Batch being dead? If he had, why was he sending him on a mission instead of executing him? 

"You're dismissed."

Crosshair stiffly nodded and headed back to his bunkroom to get his armor. What had he done wrong? 

"He knows, you know. He's trying to decide if you lied in purpose, or if you didn't know."

Crosshair jumped, reaching for his weapons as the door shut behind him and a voice rang out. 

Standing behind the door was a girl… a teenager by the look of it. She was leaning against the wall with a foot up, arms crossed casually. 

Crosshair eyed her. She was dressed in armor, similar to a clones but of a different metal he wasn't familiar with. It was painted gold and purple, with a fin on the left paldron. "Aren't you a little young to be a soldier?"

"Nah. I'm good for it." She chuckled. She had a strange accent, curling at the vowels like Coruscanti upper-class and staccato on the consonants like a Mandalorian soldier. "And I'm older than you are right now."

He huffed. "Who the hell are you, and how'd you get in here?"

"I'm Mayrin. You'll know me." She gave him a crooked smile. "And trust me. I can always find you. My ba'vodu made me a damn good tracker, and you don't really cover your tracks. I guess a ram'ser doesn't really need to, but still."

"You speak Mando’a." Crosshair started putting on his armor quickly, weirded out by her presence but sure she wasn't a threat."

"I'm Mandalorian. Funny how that works." She tucked a curl of her messy silver hair behind her ear. She wore it short, around her chin and framing a heart-shaped face and large lavender eyes. A natural tan just seemed to make them more striking. "On both sides, if you wanna get real technical. My dad's related to Manda'lor Jaster Mereel. Mom's a part of Clan Vizla."

"Huh. Bloodline." Crosshair frowned. "What are you hunting me down for?"

"Personal interest. I'm mostly just wondering how long it's gonna take you to get your head out of your shebs." She smirked. "Empire isn't doing you too many favors here, are they? Left you on that platform over a standard month, then demoted you?"

"The Empire wasn't the one that left me out there." Crosshair hissed.

"And I suppose you think it's Clone Force 99's fault?" She adjusted her stance, cocking a hip. She oozed attitude, more than any Mandalorian he'd ever met. It was at odds with the cute face. 

"They're dead." He said sharply

"Yeah right. Tell Command what you want, but you can't lie to me."

His scowl darkened. "What the fuck do you want from me?" He hissed. If this kid knew he'd lied, who else knew? He'd be up for the firing squad if it leaked. 

"Easy, tough guy. Your secret's safe with me." Mayrin laughed. "If you go down, so do I. It's not exactly in my best interests."

"So what do you want, then? I don't have anything worth blackmailing me over."

"I wouldn't call it blackmail." Mayrin shrugged. "But what I want is your company. I'll turn up whenever, and you're going to talk to me."

"And if I refuse?" Crosshair growled.

"You won't. You're lonely." Mayrin smirked. 

Crosshair huffed, securing his rifle and glancing at the chrono. He had fifteen minutes to get to the memorial. "Don't expect much conversation."

"I wouldn't dare. But tell me something?"

"Hm?" He shoved a toothpick in his mouth. 

"Why'd you lie?"

Crosshair froze. Why wouldn't be lie? The Empire would never stop hunting them if he didn't. They'd never be free or safe or- no. He wasn't supposed to care about that. "So I could stop chasing them and get on with my damn life." He finally muttered savagely and walked out the door. 

She followed him out, a half step behind. When they got to the memorial, he waited with his helmet tucked under his arm while she inspected the wall of names. "None of these are clone names." She finally said. "They all have first and last."

"What's it matter?" He shrugged. 

"Doesn't seem fair, does it? You clones did most of the fighting. Shouldn't you be remembered too?

Crosshair paused, glancing back at the rows and rows of names. All fallen soldiers, people who'd faced the same kind of hell he had and died for it. "Memorials are for the living, not the dead. Who'd bother to remember us?" He finally said bitterly.

"Your brothers." Mayrin whispered, touching the wall. 

"Crosshair." The sniper stiffened and turned as a reg Commander walked up. The man was in gray and white armor, a mourning color. Crosshair didn't recognize him until the helmet came up, revealing a scar across his left temple.

"Commander Cody. I didn't recognize you."

"A lot has changed." Cody agreed. "It's good to see you. I heard the rest of your team went rogue after Order 66 went out."

"Are you surprised?"

"Not really. Your squad was different by design." Cody said mildly. Crosshair couldn't help but think about the two regs in the mess hall, and his jaw tightened. 

"Regs have gone AWOL too."

Cody nodded. "I've heard rumors that more and more clones are… questioning the order."

"We're loyal to each other, not some Empire."

"You never even tried to come back. We'd have taken ya…"

"Incorrect. Locating you has always been the primary objective."

"There's nowhere else to go, Crosshair."

His brother's voices called through time and space, memories tinged sour by the aftermath of their escape. Mayrin was right, he was lonely. He missed the four clones, and the brave little woman whose last words haunted him constantly. 

"You can always come home."

He shoved the feeling down viciously, before it turned him into a treasonous bastard like her. "Then they're traitors. Like the Jedi."

Cody gave him a sideways glance, an unreadable expression in his eyes. Crosshair glanced over his shoulder to see what Mayrin made of the conversation, to display his resolve in case the kid thought his indiscretion about the Batch's survival was more than he'd claimed. But she was gone, vanished like she'd never been there at all. 

He frowned but didn't comment on it, turning to follow Cody to the transport. He was already regretting not grabbing the rest of his breakfast off his tray… he had a headache coming on.

Scrapping clankers felt good. It felt familiar, even if he wasn't with his old unit. Cody was competent and let Crosshair do his thing without micromanagement, which the sniper appreciated. He'd already taken out a tank with a shot directly up the barrel, a shot he was proud of. 

Top that, Wrecker. The thought gave him pause as he and Cody fought their way up a spiral staircase crawling with super commando droids. Wrecker wouldn't see that shot. None of the Batch would. They'd have been impressed, joked about it later, and Miria would have given him that doe-eyed look she reserved just for him when she whispered "Absolutely impeccable, my darling."

Maybe her memory was trying to kill him for revenge after what he'd said to her on Kamino, because the momentary distraction had him caught by the throat. His helmet was wrenched off, the sniper coughing for air as he gritted out the only name available to possibly save him today. Not his squad, to his dazed regret. He wouldn't have had to call out, if they'd been here. They always watched each other's backs… "Cody!"

The Commander turned and threw his knife through the droids head, sending it and Crosshair collapsing into the stone steps. "You okay?"

Crosshair coughed, checking his bruising throat. "Yeah. Thanks."

"Hang tight. I'll take out the tactical droid."

Crosshair handed him a mirrored puck from his hip. "I can make the shot from here. Just get me a line of sight."

Cody nodded, glancing back at another super commando approaching. "Where do you need the puck?"

"Just throw it!"

"How far?"

"As far as you can!" Crosshair hissed. Goddamn it, he wasn't used to this much talking on a mission. He and the Batch moved in sync, years of training making most communication just nods of a helmet. Cody was quick, probably the only reg he actually respected, but he wasn't his team. 

But he followed suggestions well, the hurled the puck as hard as he could. Crosshair lined up, took a breath, and fired. 

Direct shot to the tactical droid's head. "Nice throw." He muttered as Cody helped him up. 

"Nice shot." 

They walked into the belltower, guns up and ready. Over the comms, another clone was telling Cody the droids were scrapped. "Good. Fan out, find Grotton."

"There's no need." A female voice huffed from the darkness, a tall and short-haired woman stepping out with the Imperial governor in a choke hold. She had a blaster to his temple.

"Do something!" Grotton snarled. He had a high voice, suitable to a sniveling coward. 

"Easy, ma'am. Let's talk about this." Cody said calmly. "Let the governor go."

"I'm Tawni Ames. The rightful governor of Dexis. As soon as the Empire acknowledges this, Grotton and his men will be released."

"We have Imperial orders. We're not here to debate politics." Cody didn't like holding a gun on this woman. He knew she was trying to do what she thought was best. So was he. 

"If you were, you'd see how unjust your actions are." Tawni shook her head. 

"The Empire is trying to establish peace and order." Cody coaxed.

Tawni's eyes darkened. "I used to believe in peace… I even helped charter a bill with Republic and Separatist alike, that would have ended the war. But your Chancellor rejected it! That's when I knew that peace was never an option."

Cody had a snap decision to make, and years under General Obi-wan "The Great Negotiator" Kenobi's leadership. He took his helmet off and set it and his gun on the ground. "It's an option now. Let him go, and we'll negotiate for a peaceful resolution. We've both lived through one war, let's not start another." He waved for Crosshair to lower his weapon. "Do this for your people."

Crosshair slowly lowered his rifle, watching Cody from his peripheral. The Commander had his hands up, voice calm and composed. A natural negotiator.

"Where'd you learn to talk people down like that, baby girl?" Miria was curled up in his arms in their bunk, bandaging a cut on his forearm. She'd managed to talk them out of getting killed by a group of dugs on Malastare, after an ill-fated double cross by a fuel baron. He'd still caught a knife intended for her, but it was a small price to pay. 

"Fifty crechelings demanding a later bedtime will teach you a lot." She laughed, bringing his palm up to kiss it. "Obi-wan asked me to teach him, when he took Anakin as a padawan. My, that boy loves to argue."

"You're pretty good at it."

"The trick is to know what someone cares about. With little ones, it's easy. If they want to stay up late, you remind them that they'll be tired the next day and not have fun in the lesson they're looking forward to. Adults are harder, because what they care for is more complex. Those dugs were double crossing us for credits, but it's not money they love. It's their families they're providing for. Once I reminded them that their actions put those same families in danger of reprisal, they wanted to put an end to the standoff."

"How would you negotiate with me?" He smirked, pulling her closer.

"You're proud and independent, love. But you care about your brothers. And me. If you were doing something that endangered us, I'd only have to remind you." She said sincerely. 

"I was hoping you'd take your shirt off. That's more entertaining."

Miria giggled. "I suppose that might work too."

Crosshair twitched when Tawni let Grotton go. The man scrambled to Cody, eyes wide. "Well done. Now execute her!"

Cody looked stunned. "Sir, I promised a peaceful resolution-"

"You did. I didn't. Now execute her!"

Tawni sighed, resignation printed on her tired and war-weary face. "So much for peace."

Grotton was getting heated, voice raised as he threatened Cody over disobedience. Crosshair had no one left to protect but the former Marshall Commander, and the idea of Cody catching a brutal punishment turned his stomach. So he took the shot instead, and Tawni Ames slumped to the floor with a death rattle. 

Cody didn't look him in the eye as Grotton kept talking. "Put her body in the square. Let it be a warning to the rest of them."

Crosshair watched Cody’s shoulders slump, fingers twitching. He could reach out, pat his arm and tell him he'd tried at least… but he couldn't make himself do it. Instead he just turned to follow Grotton out of the belltower. They'd done what they had to do. They had their orders.

Good soldiers follow orders. 

Crosshair didn't know why he'd come back to the memorial. Maybe he was hoping to see Mayrin again, to have someone to tell his story to. It wasn't like there was a name on this wall he'd care about… the only names he'd have cared about would never be memorialized by the Empire. Not after what they'd done. 

Cody stepped up beside him, looking at the wall in silence for a while. He looked… troubled, to say the least. "This new Empire." He finally murmured. "Do you think we're making the galaxy better?"

"We're soldiers. We do what needs to be done." Crosshair drawled. 

Cody looked at the helmet in his hands. "Do you know what makes us different from battle droids? We make our own choices… and we have to live with them." He picked up his kit and turned, leaving Crosshair standing alone once again as he walked away. There was something… permanent feeling about the way he marched. Crosshair couldn't understand it, Cody was a hard-lined soldier from head to toe. The last person he'd expected to doubt anything. 

He shook his head. Cody wouldn't turn traitor. He wasn't like that… everything would be better in the morning. Maybe he'd even get to work with Cody again. Have a friend, a brother he could count on after his abandoned him. Cody was no Force 99, but it was better than nothing. 

He picked up his kit and headed to his bunk, laying his armor down and checking everywhere for any hiding sassy teenagers. Satisfied he was alone, he lay down and slipped into a restless doze. 

Why did he have to bring up what she wanted? She could never have it again, no matter how beautiful the dream was. It was stolen, ruined by filthy hands clamped tighter than a chokehold. She could focus on what she had to do, follow a path of expectation set by necessity. But want? 

"What I want won't ever be mine. I wanted to build us a home on Naboo. I wanted to keep our team together after the war. I wanted to live!” 

Her reflection in the shaving mirror was staring at her. Lavender eyes, tears in the corners, but not sorrowful. No, those eyes were angry, hotter than Mustafar. It bubbled like lava under her skin, nowhere to send it but out. And she hated that face staring back at her in the moment. That was the face that had failed. It hadn't saved those helpless younglings. It hadn't spared Anakin from the dark side. It hadn't saved the man she loved. 

Failure. Broken, useless, weak Jedi. Worse than nothing at all. 

Her fist was moving before she could stop it, hitting the image in front of her until it shattered under her hand. It should have hurt, but she couldn't even do that right. The shards warped the reflection, the red tinge in her vision going gray and listless. 

Blood welled up and rolled down her skin, the hot feeling kicking in at the wrist. Droplets trickled onto the sheets, muddy looking on the gray fabric. Another thing she ruined. Another thing she'd broken. 

The many eyes in the broken reflection widened, softened as the tears began in earnest. 

"Miri…"

"I'm sorry… I don't know what came over me."

Something was wrong with her. She was collapsing, sinking into the dark… 

How would she ever save him now? If she couldn't save herself, Crosshair was-

Crosshair’s eyes snapped open, minutes before his alarm. He lay in the dark, breathing hard as a disembodied fury he'd never felt so strongly burned across his skin. The rage wasn't his own, but he was swept up in it. 

Miria. It was Miria… something was wrong. 

He sat up slowly, rubbing his face as he shook the cobwebs from his mind. What the hell…

His knuckles ached like he'd hit something, a phantom pain the vision hadn't experienced. He examined them as the lights came up. There was a bruise between his first and second knuckle, deep and blackening. 

He elected to ignore it, putting on his gloves and armor before heading to the mess. At least he could try to eat and forget this weird Jedi shit. He was just sitting down when the PA went off. "CT-9904 please report to Vice-Admiral Rampart's office immediately."

Dammit. This time he was taking his food with him. 

He'd shoved it in his mouth before he got to the office, letting himself in. Rampart was kicked back at his desk again, and the deja vu was not lost on the clone. 

"Your actions on Dexis were most impressive. I'm sending you on another mission. Report to CC-1223 for your debrief."

Crosshair blinked. "Why not Commander Cody?"

"Cody?" Rampart snorted. Crosshair was, for a moment, confused. Didn't everyone know the man who'd been the Marshall Commander of the Third Systems Army? But… individual names had been deregulated. Of course. 

"CC-2224."

"You'll never be more than a number to them." Hunter's voice in his head was almost accusatory now. 

Rampart huffed. "Oh. It seems he's gone AWOL."

That took Crosshair by surprise. Cody? AWOL? "...I see."

"It seems clone loyalty is not as advertised anymore." Rampart mused, not missing the opportunity to compare them to commodities. "It's funny, all these clones around you seem to go missing."

Crosshair felt his fists clenching again, the bruise on his knuckles alerting him. Why? Why did everyone that might have kept the crippling loneliness at bay leave? First the Batch, then Howser on Ryloth for as annoying as he'd been, now Cody? 

"Is there a problem?" Rampart narrowed his eyes. 

"No… sir." Why did the honorific taste like ashes in his mouth? 

"Then you're dismissed."

Crosshair walked out slowly, stiff as durasteel. What the hell was wrong with him? 

During the infrequent times Miria had been on Republic flagships during the war, she'd always found herself stopping at a wall somewhere. Every ship had one, started usually in the dead of night by some brother who couldn't sleep because the bunk next to his was empty. So he'd find a unadorned expanse of wall, take his vibroblade, and carve his broken heart into the durasteel in the form of a name and CT number. At some point, it had simply become tradition to have a memorial on board. Clones left little trinkets to the fallen, paused on rotations to remember, and occasionally whispered a prayer to whatever faith the galaxy had offered them comfort in. 

Miria had always counted herself lucky there was no such wall on the Havoc Marauder. It was almost a mark of pride, in the way the guys preened about their perfect success rate. They'd never failed a mission. She'd never lost a soldier, never stood at the foot of a covered casket and bid a good man goodbye to a chorus of Mando’a. 

Maybe that pride was why the wall in front of the medbay hit her so hard. She'd gotten up early, heading for the galley to make tea and caf for the boys, when she saw it. 

It was a small shelf, mounted at about head height for her. Clearly the team had been in on it, judging by the trinkets left there. A box of toothpicks from Hunter, a detached and heavily modified rifle scope from Tech, a miniature whiskey bottle from Echo, and a single unlit cigarra from Wrecker sat tucked in Lula's lap where Omega had offered her up after Wrecker gave her the toy. The doll was listed to the side, button eyes scuffed and well-loved as it waited for someone to pull it into their arms for comfort. Etched into the wall just above the little shrine was the name. The only name, the only soldier Miria had ever lost.

Crosshair. CT-9904. 

Her knees buckled before she realized it, the Jedi sinking to the floor with a ragged little noise. Her palms pressed into the durasteel, fighting the shakes and losing. 

"Miri?" Omega whispered behind her. 

"He isn't dead…" Miria sobbed. "He isn't dead, Omega."

"I know. But… Echo thought it would help." The girl walked over, putting her hand on Miria's shoulder. "Don't cry, Miri."

Miria didn't want to cry. She wanted to scream. Crosshair wasn't dead! He didn't belong in a memorial to the fallen! She wasn't giving up on him! "This feels like surrender." She finally whispered, swallowing her tears before they could steal her tenuous breath and have her hacking up her lungs here on the floor. 

"Nobody's giving up." Omega said with an adult firmness that startled Miria. "Wrecker said, if we all left something, that maybe it would bring him back. Like a call."

Miria looked up at the shrine again through wet lashes. "A call?"

"We've tried everything else. He's got to make the choice on his own, but maybe it'll reach him. You said the Force works in mysterious ways." 

Miria wiped her cheeks. "You're… you're right, little love." She finally croaked. "I'll leave something too."

"Good. I'll turn the caf maker on, you go wash your face." Omega helped her to her feet. 

Miria shuffled to the fresher slowly, splashing cool water over her stinging cheeks before creeping back to the bunkroom. The rest of her friends were sleeping, in various states of sprawled out, so she carefully opened Crosshair’s old footlocker and pulled out the envelope of his letters. There was a small stack of blank pages at the bottom, future letters for her that he hadn't gotten to write.

She picked them and a stylus up, sitting cross-legged on the floor with the locker as a desk for a moment before pressing the ink to the page. Her handwriting might not be as good as it once was, but why should that stop her now? 

My darling,

I've read every letter you wrote me-

[injuredcyclist]

Fixes and Shifts

About 15 years ago when I was living in Spanish Harlem in NYC I bought a carbon fiber road bicycle. It was the kind of bike I wanted terribly as a kid. We used to drive two hours to Rapid City and I'd stare at the $1k+ bikes they had for sale at Scheels in the mall. It was a Specialize Paris Roubaix Compact. I rode it constantly when I lived in the city.

I had owned it maybe three weeks and I commuted from my apartment on 110th to the office I worked at on Wall St. I was riding on the West Side Greenway with my hands in the drops (for some stupid reason) and there were a lot of other people out. I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have been and didn't have as much fine control at that point in that riding position. Another cycling commuter and I crashed head-on. I went head-over-handlebars and came down on my helmet and right shoulder. I don't even think the impact knocked him down; he was riding an old, beat-up steel everything mountain bike. It probably weighed twice what my ride did and was the kind of thing you wouldn't care too much if it got stolen.

The shoulder hurt like hell but I was miles from my apartment, the bike was in ridable condition, and I didn't want to walk in clip-ons or call a cab so I slowly rode home, not able to put much of any pressure on that shoulder. Hurting the next day I went to the ER, where an x-ray turned up no broken bones. It kept hurting so an MRI followed. Diagnosis: small labral tear. Treatment: for some fucking reason, just physical therapy and no surgery.

Fast forward 15 years. I've just turned 40 and am closing in on two years sober, having swapped my carbon road bicycle for a 3 cylinder 900cc Yamaha motorcycle. My shoulder still bothers me, and has at a low level for all of the intervening years. I can many times very accutely feel where the tear is, and with moderate exercise (shoveling three or four inches of snow for example) or if I move just right or lean against a wall or door jam too long it hurts.

A new MRI and evaluation, because I want to put 20k miles on my Yamaha this year, I want to go back to Ontario camping, and I want to hike more. Can't have this keep lingering, and recovering and body upkeep is only going to get more time consuming as I keep getting older. Also, its fucking cold here in mid Michigan, and the days are short. It was -1F when I woke up today. If I'm going to have a useless right arm for a couple months now is perfect time.

Tear is still there, with some arthritis sprinkled on top. I'm having surgery this time, scheduled for the day after I get back from a work trip to Corporate. My pre-op appointment is in 10 days, at which time I'll know how long recovery will be. Could be in a sling for a week, could be a month. Sorta oddly hoping for the month because I want them to not just clean up stuff, but actually anchor and repair the tear.

This change is leading to another. Cleaning up who I follow and what I post, and blocking some followers I think were bots the whole time but left around so I'd feel better about myself. I still have no memorized idea of what the rules and culture are here anymore. I'll be reblogging political posts a lot less. maybe just liking them more. Shift toward riding and moto culture, with stars/astronomy, and animals. Those three represent the longest held, most continuous interests I've managed to sustain in my life, along with two or three sci-fi universes (Dune, Star Wars, and Battletech). Best I can do with my ADHD-addled mind.

Looking for a new pharmacy where I can get generic Vyvanse consistently. Meijer isn't going to carry it for at least six months because they aren't nationally cost competetive for the available supply, per one of the pharmacists where I get my stuff filled. Also going to finally see about that professional autism screening. I've taken two or three self tests/evaluations that float around online and I've come up with positive results on each one.

Here's to changes, and learning how to do a lot more with my left hand.

[puppyluver256]

You bring up a lot of good points, yeah. I do feel like I should clarify something I failed to earlier tho; my confusion (although in retrospect it really shouldn't be true confusion per se, just me taking way too long to connect the dots of an all-too-familiar othering) is less about the effects on the world of Aionios and more about how this reflects the writing staff of Monolith Soft.

Obviously now that you bring it up, having an in-universe suppression on those sorts of things has a lot of great benefits toward keeping the endless war going. No romance means no chance of getting distracted by said feelings of romance, as well as no chance of a "star-crossed lovers" situation between the two nations. No sexuality, either in terms of attraction or desire to have sex, means no chance of the older soldiers making more kids that aren't bound to the flame clock even without doing any invasive sterilization processes. And, of course, the lack of curiosity about the other side certainly helps to maintain dehumanization of the enemy, and a lack of curiosity in general helps to mold obedient little soldiers. You don't need R. Lee Ermey shouting in someone's face for something as minor as having a donut in their foot locker when you've got something much stronger built into 'em from the pod, after all.

It's moreso the broader implication from the writers that someone needs external suppression in order to not experience romance or sex that bothers me. The implication that they can't just be born without those attractions. That the ability to so much as have a mixed gender bath/shower without anyone freaking out or acting gross toward a fellow bather is supposed to be seen as bizarre and a sign of their emotional suppression. I can't truly speak from an aromantic perspective (my romance situation is up in the air tbh, I feel like the lesbian label works for me but eh all my crushes save one have been fictional gals), but as an asexual my lack of sexual attraction/interest in having sex is often treated as a problem to be fixed rather than just how I am. And while I wouldn't want to randomly walk in on someone while they're in the buff or vice versa, that's likely (at least in part) a result of being raised in an allosexual society because sexual attraction helped make people want to make babies and keep the species going, doubly so in a specific culture where nonsexual nudity is virtually nonexistent outside of classical artwork due to religious tradition shaming people--especially those with "female-presenting" bodies, whether they want to appear feminine or not--for "immodesty". That and let's be honest, genitals aren't always the prettiest thing to look at no matter what set they are, especially when it's a spontaneous show that neither presenter nor audience expected to take place.

I'unno, I doubt that this was Monolith Soft's intention in the slightest (I highly doubt it was even on their minds at all tbh), but the implications that come about as a result of this one detail just hit a bit closer to home to me than it might to most people. That's one of the few things that bothers me about Xenoblade 3, the only story-related thing I can think of anyway, and it's something I guess can't be helped with writing made by those living in our allonormative world.

I hope my rambling made even the slightest bit of sense, hehe... ^^;

The Ouroboros Stone: Go from being perfectly normal about other people's bodies to becoming unbearably flustered at the sight of a woman's bare shoulders with one simple step!

(and yeah i guess there's the fusion powers and the freedom from the flame clock too)

[still-a-morosexual-help]

Do you think MC is a Mary Sue/Gary Stu?

Short answer: Nope.

I'm gonna be using "Mary Sue" here as a gender-neutral umbrella term because I think it was the original term and I also can't be bothered to keep typing both of 'em

1. From what I know 8 outta 10 times a Mary Sue refers to an OC added by someone to an existing piece of media. Despite MC being a customizable character they're not an OC and are as canon a character as any of the brothers.

There's a lot about them that's established in canon that makes them so and taking them out of the story will leave a noticeable gap in it

2. MC is a canon character in a story full of canon characters who are incredibly beautiful, extremely talented and insanely powerful.

If MC was a Mary Sue then rightfully so is every other character in Obey Me

3. From what I understand, Mary Sues tend to have skills with no logical explanations behind them - being perfect with nothing to back up why they're perfect

I don't really care either way for the argument of whether or not Rey (Star Wars) is a Mary Sue but someone once pointed out the improbability of the fact that she could swim so well after living her entire life on a desert planet and I haven't been able to stop thinking about that

MC, no lie, is OP as fuck but there's always an explanation behind their incredible powers, from their ancestry to making pacts with seven of the most powerful demons to having the most powerful sorcerer as their teacher.

S1 showed how they earned the respect of the brothers & made their pacts.

S2 even went out of the way to show how hard they worked to get where they are.

Their magical skills improve in bursts to account for the raw magic they already had from the pacts (& also possibly their ancestry).

Personally, I don't think we get to see enough of the "in-betweens" or enough of how they actually improve but it makes sense that we don't or rather can't because this is a game and it doesn't have the time to do so the way a real anime or manga would

4. MC also notably is not flawless. Though some of their flaws can depend on the choices the player makes:

* on their own some of these may not seem like flaws but they are often portrayed in a negative light:

• They're painfully blunt

• They're too nosy for their own good

• Because the LIs rarely interact with/talk about other characters we don't see this that often but MC can get jealous, possessive and rash. In Mammon's movie date Devilgram they're repeatedly called out for this

• They can be airheaded/dumb and oblivious

• Their skill in magic has a tendency to fluctuate

• Depending on the players' choices they can be as mean spirited (& down right cruel) as any of the brothers

• Depending on the players' choices, despite usually being cool headed when seriously pushed to it they have a bit of a nasty temper that can lead to threats (of somewhat extreme violence)

5. If we were to categorise OM! into a more mainstream form of media it would be an anime.

And though the plot and storylines of OM! would have it fall into the fantasy-romance genre, MC's powers and abilities make them come off with more similarities to a shonen protagonist than anything else. And well.....I mean we all know what shonen protagonists are like......

So yeah, I don't think general MC could be classified as a Mary Sue

[This part is not in response to nonnie but it is important so:]

However;

Why would it be a bad thing if you want to make your own MC into a "Mary Sue" ?

It's always felt like the term "Mary Sue" was there to shame mostly kids, mostly young teenage girls, from indulging their imagination and creating what made them happy.

MC's a customizable character for a reason and if you want to keep them as general MC then that's fine! If you want to make them a self-insert then that's fine! If you want to make them royalty or give them dragon wings or make them completely and utterly flawless then that's fine! It's your game, you should have fun with it the way you want!

+ Most "Mary Sues" are a person's first OC. It's their chance to experiment and see what they like and what works for them. As the creator of them grows the characters will grow as well.

They'll change and shift and (specially if these are characters created by teenagers) it's real shitty that the internet has decided they should be mocked for being "cringy".

As long as no one is getting hurt people should be allowed to do what they want and should be allowed creative freedom to express themselves.

Someone's "Mary Sue-esque" OC isn't hurting anyone, if anything it's making the creator happy.

And hell, even if those characters don't evolve and instead stay as "Mary Sues", so what!? You only get one life, if you're not doing what makes you happy then what's the point? Does it matter if it's "cringy" if you're having fun?

Go wild. Create what you want. Have fun.

[solomonish]

Dork Solomon Agenda

You say sexy shady sorcerer I say nerd and love of my life

Solomon is a sad lonely little man why just wants a genuine connection us that so much to ask???

No but seriously like. It's totally fine if you hc Solomon as this man-turned-lowkey-sex-god with a million succubi and more at his whim whenever he wants and would be a tough one to put the ol' ball and chain on like to each their own for sure! But that's not MY hc

(Thats not to say my hc means he doesn't ever engage in casual sex like that and wanting a genuine long term relationship at some point [or finding out thats what you want when you meet someone] are not mutually exclusive yknow)

So like Solomon isn't the type to be short with you or keep you at an arm's length (i mean...u get what I mean. Once you're close enough and all that jazz) or get annoyed by you wanting to be affectionate?? Hello??

He LOVES the little things you do (some on accident tbh). You feeling affectionate today and give him a kiss or three on his face before you leave to go to your separate classes? Adorable, he's fallen in love again. You do that thing where you like.. forget how to walk straight and just accidentally bump into him? No come back he likes being close to you :( He doesn't SAY these things but there's a light, airy laugh he has that gives him away.

If you're ever facetiming he will say "boo!" when you connect instead of just. Greeting you like a normal person.

His fuckin. His devilgram name is monSOLO. My mans is a star wars fan!!! I dont know any of The Discourse bc I'm not super into star wars myself but he has IN DEPTH opinions about the movies. Seriously rivals Levi in this aspect. Please make time for movie nights where you watch the movies together 🥺 especially if you haven't seen them before he'd love to convert you 🥺

Didn't Solomon also have a thing for TSL??? Or am I just imagining it??

I feel like his ideal date would be exploring something new, whether its this new spooky forest or "hey have we been down this alley before? Let's check it out!" but ideal date number TWO is movie night. Even if it isn't Star Wars. He likes to sit on opposite ends of the couch throwing popcorn into each other's mouths (and big candies like peanut m&ms where you both have almost choked before) and maybe a footsie war if he's feeling real devious. Then at some point you grab a blanket and snuggle up to him and you both fall asleep on the couch

Simeon yells at him when you leave because there's popcorn EVERYWHERE

LOVES when you laugh super loud. Idk man he just thinks its great when you have such unbridled joy and then he laughs too 😊 not as loud though he's more of a quiet chuckle kind of guy (most of the time).

Is friends with Asmo so is extremely great at slumber party gossip. Catch him in his pajamas, cross-legged on the floor while clutching a pillow to his chest and listening intently to you rant about the brothers.

"Come here I have a secret to tell you" (blows air in your ear) "okay okay I'm sorry but come here again" (blows air on your neck) "okay okay last time! I actually have something to tell you. Please? Its important...." (kisses ur cheek) "like u a lil bit xo"

Never the type to send "good morning beautiful" or "good night 💞" texts. Instead he'll send you something at 4 am like "the infinite cosmos will eventually swallow whole all familiarity and life as it is now presently known and despite the adaptations humans or demons or angels could make i will still have to adapt and face the world as an alien in the realm I love so dearly. Funny how the strongest of beings bow to the whim of space and time. But sometimes my eternal journey doesn't seem so daunting when I realize that with my everlasting life will be the memory of you no matter how distant and the survival of the vessel you loved...."

And then at lunch that day when the brothers pull you away he'll send you a picture of the lasagna they're serving with "this kinda looks like you? Don't worry I'd still hit it" and then two minutes later "you not the pasta"

Is the type to think randomly "oh damn I love you so much" but has an impressive filter about it. Or he thinks he does until Luke grumbles "ugh get a room thats the fifth time you've seen that since monday" ok, sometimes he has a good filter about it

He can't help it! Sometimes you just say something really smart (or something SPECTACULARLY dumb) or you do something cute like lean on him or smile a specific way or-

Sir.....you're head over heels sir :/

The type who would go to a playground at night with you and just swing on the swings talking about life

Wants to have a secret handshake with you!!

If you're ever on a road trip with just the two of you, you can get him to join in on the terrible singing but he'll be a lot quieter than you

Also will only join in if he isn't driving. If he is and you aren't talking, he's just humming underneath his breath. Will drum on the steering wheel though

Cooking

(Yes, it gets its own section because MAYBE I'm obsessed with the idea of MC teaching Solomon to cook and the food still turning out terrible but at least it isn't a void when MC is helping)

The type to flick water at you every time he washes his hands. Will chase you down just to do it.

"Hey, tilt your head back and open your mouth MC" (proceeds to dump too big a handful of shredded cheese in your mouth)

100% the type to lean over you just to hinder your cooking abilities. Who cares if the sauce splashes he's tiiiired.... you'd let belphie do it :(

Puts a hand on your lower back when he passes behind you. Hopes you'll lean into it/step back and offer him a kiss 🥺

Believes in always having a proper table setting. Prepare for whatever juice they have (or water) in wine glasses if you're having a nice-er meal

Under the assumption that a spell ruined his sense of taste (and not that he's just bad at cooking) he hates spicy food. He can feel the burn but he gets none of the flavor??? Wack. Don't hurt him like that MC. If you do because its hilarious to watch him try to be cool about it he will pout

Gets cheesy aprons. He just likes them.

Will hit you on the top of your head with a whisk to hear the noise it makes

Will buy every kitchen hack tool there is. A ketchup dispenser that looks like a gun? He's got it. A fish that helps you squeeze out the egg yolks? Yes! A dinosaur soup ladle? You bet! Pizza scissors? A tool that makes hard boiled eggs into cubes? Something that's gotta be like 200 years old and no discernable purpose? Absolutely! He wants a hot dog toaster. Do they even have hot dogs in the devildom?

Will sneak bites just because it bothers you

Overall

Look at him. He hasn't had friends in centuries. He's playful!

Look at his DEVILGRAM NAME

His funky little WAND

This is a man who is a huge nerd, thrives off of cliches and just wants to have a good time. So let him! Its mentally exhausting having those pretenses up all the time.

[giorno-plays-piano]

Heartache

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Soldat!Reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, kidnapping, captivity, torture, brainwashing, delusional Bucky.

Words: 2535.

Summary: You don't need the one whose name was Bucky Barnes, a hundred years old broken man who returned back to the world that couldn't offer him anything but regrets and nightmares. You need your Soldier, the one who won't return to you even if you throw Bucky back into that iron chair and fry his brains for the thirtieth time.

P.S. I have to say it turned out darker than I expected. Attention! Bucky is free from his programming, but he does not heal as he should. 

__________________

“You look old.”

You decide to give him the pleasure of hearing your voice. It sounds dull from behind the glass when Bucky comes closer, looking at someone he recognizes too well, but you do not recognize a man he became, nothing reminding you of the one with whom you once shared your bed.

You know what the man looking at you through the glass thinks. You didn’t age a day since the last time he saw you, and while he knows why, it still surprises him to see a young woman watching him calmly as if all those years didn't pass.

“You miss your star.” You say, tilting your head to the side and narrowing your eyes at him when you see his new vibranium arm.

“It doesn't matter.” His answer is immediate, and Bucky isn't surprised to hear the raw anger in his own voice: he is no longer the Soldier you knew, and he is worried he won't find a way to interact with you. You don't seem too interested in Bucky Barnes and whoever he works for despite the fact you are hardly HYDRA's soldier yourself.

What he doesn't know is that you still stay the soldier you have been once, and nothing will ever change that regardless of whoever Bucky Barnes sends your way to cure you from HYDRA's conditioning.

"I'm glad you remember me."

You find it peculiar: a man who has been trying so hard to get rid of anything that ties him to the Winter Soldier has been looking for you for years, finally tracking you down, capturing you and bringing you here as if your pure existence didn't remind him of the worst years of his life. What did he expect to find? A comfort in someone who once had been paired with him just for the sake of research?

"Don't bother, Mr. Barnes. There's nothing there left for you."

You see he's taken aback because you have hit a nerve. Apparently, James Buchanan Barnes thought the connection between the two of you remained the same, and he could dig up the feelings that had long been buried. Stupid, you think, he's forgetting the most important part: he is not the man you formed the bond with. You don't need the one whose name was Bucky Barnes, a hundred years old broken man who returned back to the world that couldn't offer him anything but regrets and nightmares. You need your Soldier, the one who won't return to you even if you throw Bucky back into that iron chair and fry his brains for the thirtieth time.

It doesn't matter. After all those years you didn't believe in happy endings, and even if the man watching you through the glass think he is going to get one after getting out, he is clearly deluding himself.

Averting his eyes, Bucky clears his throat and changes the topic, trying to give himself a false hope he can mend things. “I will convince Shuri to treat you. She helped me break through the conditioning, and she will do the same to you."

You could raise your brow at him, but maintaining this facade is tiresome and doesn't make sense. "I see you have no idea how much my conditioning differs from yours. You can't break through it. It's embedded in me."

"I thought so, but I got rid of mine. You can do it too, I'm sure."

Although you see him trying to assure you, Bucky's getting agitated because he really has no idea what HYDRA did to you. He couldn't know it when he still was the Soldier, but now the lack of his knowledge leads you to the thought your former masters destroyed whatever info they still kept - they foresaw he would search for you.

"Your brainwashing was flimsy. I've always wondered how come you were considered HYDRA'S greatest assassin when you just needed to see your dear friend once to start getting your memories back." You snort, knowing Bucky would feel a slight hint of jealousy in your voice, but you don't care: you've never hid from him you only needed the Winter Soldier, and he was gone.

Bucky doesn't know what to say as a part of him wants to scream there was nothing flimsy about electroconvulsive therapy he went through over and over again, but he looks at you and sees how different you are from him, having no memories of your own, not knowing even your name or the place where you came from. It doesn't scare him, but the fact you had long merged with the Soldier you've become does. You don't separate yourself from her the way he did. In fact, the Soldier had completely absorbed your true persona, and Bucky doesn’t know the real you. He only knows RED, a Soldat who at one point was been created by HYDRA just like all of them were. Despite searching for the information about your past for years, he found nothing, not even the year when you became a part of the organization. Bucky doesn’t think you did it willingly judging by the fact how you reacted when he had been training you among the other Soldiers, but he can’t be sure.

You’re a ghost. None of the masters who had been giving you orders know anything about you except your specialization and things you can do. Bucky supposes there were once people who knew the truth, but all of them are probably dead since the ones he has captured were utterly useless. His only hope is Shuri who might bring whatever is left somewhere deep inside your mind to the surface, yet he isn’t sure she will take you: the more you talk, the more it becomes clear you will not ask her to do it willingly, and Shuri won’t like that. The redemption can only be granted to someone who asks and works for it.

You don’t seem the type.

“What do you want me to do?” He asks you quietly, his forehead almost touching the glass separating you two when Bucky watches you with that pathetic expression of his. “If I let you go, you will return to people you serve. If I bring you to police, you will end up in a lab in the hands of the government.”

You allow him to see your smile as you observe him, desperately hoping you will tell him you will come back to the good guys and stay with him, playing a role of his funny little girlfriend because Bucky Barnes cannot allow himself to form an adequate relationship with any woman who has not been tainted the way he was. It probably seems so tragic to him that he had to spent years trying to catch you.

Although the chair you’re bound to doesn’t let you stand and come over to him, you still lean closer to the window, wearing the same polite but welcoming smile you used to lure your targets closer to you.

“I want you back in that chair, going through the whole process of brainwashing again until you become the Soldat you’ve been. I want you standing with me and feeling as much pain as I did until your sensitivity goes down to zero, and you no longer remember those funny friends of yours. I know you won’t trade your freedom and whatever else you have after getting out, but I don’t need James Buchanan Barnes or White Wolf or whoever you have become. I am RED of HYDRA, and I have bonded with the Winter Soldier you buried, Bucky.”

When he leaves, the massive metal door getting locked ten times the least, you stare at the grey wall beside the glass. You wonder how getting the privilege of remembering his past made him so miserable, a pathetic, broken man who did not understand how lucky he had been, not only breaking free from HYDRA’s grip but gaining his true identity back. He probably pitied himself, poor little boy who had been broken by the big bad guys. He did not understand that all other soldiers who came after him, except the suicide squad made with Stark’s serum, had been turned into ashes. There was nothing left to break in them - and you either.

_______________________

Shuri wasn’t happy to hear your story just like he thought, but Bucky couldn’t lie to her, hoping she would understand. Of course, she didn’t, telling him outright it was impossible to treat somebody who didn’t want to be treated. While it was also inhuman, forcing you to do something against your will just like HYDRA has been doing all these years, it also erased the possibility to use the same methods she chose when she treated Bucky.

“You don’t understand,” she tells him, shaking her head, “it’s not that I don’t want to help, but without her cooperating it’s close to impossible. They didn’t use the same ways to program her just like they did to you.”

He isn’t satisfied with her answer even though he knows Shuri wants to help. He can’t leave it like that, leave you to your fate, return you where you belonged, and he keeps asking who or what may be able to help you until she finally tells him something about electrical stimulation of the brain that can awake memories that you have buried. Shuri immediately regrets it, seeing how Bucky’s face lights up.

“It is a very complicated process that requires an extensive medical knowledge. Worse, even if performed correctly, this technique can traumatize her even further. Please don’t do this. We don’t even know if this method will be effective.”

Bucky doesn’t promise her anything, though a part of him feels guilty he made her tell him this. He just has to do it: undoubtedly, HYDRA or whoever you work for now will force you to go through the brainwashing process again, and whatever treatment Shuri told him about can’t be worse than this. If Bucky does everything right, you might stand a chance to live like he does, away from the horrors of the war you had been a part of ever since the organization abducted you. Even if you don’t want it, clearly it is an effect of the memory suppressing machine: any sane human being wants to have a normal life, right?

It takes him months to find and steal the equipment he needs, leaving no traces - it reminds him of the days when he had been under HYDRA’s control, but he does what he has to. Learning how to use the machine is a much more complicated task, but Bucky is grateful for that serum-enhanced brain of his: he nearly swallows the information from the books in record time, reading about sending a burst of electrical energy into your cerebral cortex to stimulate your brain and finally retrieve your memories. Now he knows what Shuri meant by traumatizing, but this doesn’t stop him either. He does what he has to do.

“What is your name?” He repeats after listening to your screams for ten or maybe twenty minutes, your body going limp in the black, cold chair when you open your mouth, breathing heavily, your face stained with tears and sweat.

“Dolores.” You say immediately, knowing he will repeat the procedure if you keep silent, your heat beating wildly. “I grew up... on a small farm in Iowa... I had an older sister... and slept with a big teddy bear with a red ribbon...”

“You are lying.” He says simply, and a jolt of electricity cuts through your head, nearly electrocuting you while you scream again and again.

For some reason he always feels it when you say what he wants to hear instead of the truth. What he doesn’t understand is that the truth he wants has been told months ago: you did not remember and you were not going to remember anything from your past. It was stupid to try. There was nothing left of you, and while he thought he was resurrecting a human in you, he was simply destroying your body that was regenerating every night after the therapy.

When you receive a new jolt, shaking and screaming, tears streaming down your face until they fall down onto your already wet t-shirt, you whisper through gritted teeth, “Either I will have you as my Soldat, or I will not have you at all.”

Bucky presses the button.

__________________________

When he is finished he takes you to a bath in the room next to your cell. You almost lose the ability to move for an hour or two, giving him time to prepare you: Bucky undresses you and slowly lowers your body in the tub filled with warm water, watching that you take a comfortable position and don’t slip, effectively suffocating. Today he had almost gone too far, risking to fry your brain: you still refused to give up even after two months of therapy you have gone through, and Bucky isn’t too happy.

Pouring a strawberry-scented shampoo on his palm, Bucky starts to carefully wash your hair that grew longer in the months of captivity, watching that neither shampoo nor the foam gets in your eyes. You are nearly breathless: the serum they gave you made you less stronger than him, but your regeneration abilities are on a whole different level, and soon your body will adjust and erase the damage made.

He asks himself whether keep using the machine makes sense since he didn’t make much progress, the programming still very much in you even after all those incredibly painful sessions. What if you were right from the start? What if there was nothing to remember, and all he could do was to leave you in the state you were in before he destroyed whatever was left of you?

No, he can’t do it. Leaving you means taking away your chance to ever get back to normal life, and he can’t force himself to do that.

Never in his life Bucky Barnes will admit letting you go meant never getting his own happy ending the way he wants it.

“Why reinventing the wheel when you can make it so much easier?” All of a sudden, your hoarse voice whimpers in his ear when you look at him, tiredly moving your head up. “Do what they’ve always done. Use the programming to give me an order.”

A part of him is shocked with the revelation: he wanted to be neither the Soldier nor the one giving him commands. But the other part makes him realize how much easier it would be if he just used what has already been done to you instead of relying on an obviously ineffective method that damaged your mind and body. Of course, he has nothing in common with Karpov sending him on the assassination missions. Bucky only wants you to learn how to become human again, free you from HYDRA once and for all, give you the life you undoubtedly wanted. Even if he uses the same method the organization did until he finds a better way to undo the programming, it is still for your own good.

___________

Tags: @finleyjayne​ @alexakeyloveloki​ @helenaeisenhower​ @villanellevi​ @hurricanerin​ @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherubwrites @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @soleil-dor @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @iheartsebandchris @ximebebx @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @sourpatchspinster

[hinatastinygiant]

Chapter Eleven

The Brother

Pairing: Draken x Fem!Reader

previous | next | in too deep

In the middle of that same night while you're just getting into bed there's suddenly a loud banging at your front door. You tiredly shuffle your feet across your dark hallway in your pajamas to answer it and see your brother waiting impatiently on the other side.

"What did you find out at the meeting today?" he grumbles, telling you to get straight to the point.

"Nothing much," you shrug. "It was all the same info as yesterday's meeting."

"Like I'd believe that," he shouts before landing a punch square in your lip. You raise your hand to your mouth after the sting of the rough impact and find blood dripping from your fingers.

"Seriously?" you mutter as he backs you into your apartment and slams the door shut. "What the hell, Tetta?"

"My other spies weren't allowed into the meeting today and I want to know why Y/N! What happened?!" 

"I don't know why!" you shout back at him, "They were only talking about the war between Toman and Otsuda. Nothing interesting was said. They told us they weren't going to discuss any details just yet!"

Your brother grabs you by the collar of your shirt and pulls you towards him. "Stop your bullshit lies!"

"I owe you nothing! You can kick me out for all I care but it's your own fucking loss. You'll have nothing if you get rid of me!" you remind him.

But instead of falling for your trap, he holds out his hand. "Give me the apartment keys," he asks with a straight face. 

You push against him to get out of his grasp and hand him the keys on your nearby end table. You then grab your phone, tuck it into your shoe, and leave without another word.

You walk across town, mindlessly wandering until you coincidently end up at the park where Draken first discovered your secret. You lay down on the grassy hill and look up, hoping to get some rest and fall asleep amongst the stars. Even though it's getting a bit colder outside now, you don't mind it much.

However, just as you close your eyes, you feel something hover above you. "Beat it, creep. I'm not interested," you scoff, not even bothering to open your eyes until after you speak and you only get silence in return.

Upon looking out at whatever weirdo is surrounding you, your eyes widen in surprise. Draken's looking straight down at you in confusion and you've got absolutely no idea how you're gonna explain this to him.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm sunbathing. What does it look like?" you huff, not in the mood to talk to him. However, he still sits down quietly beside you.

You sigh as you decide to give him somewhat of the truth. "I kinda got evicted."

"For what?" You rotate your head to the side to look at him and he almost immediately notices your bloody lip. "Oh."

"Yeah, I know. What an asshole," you complain.

"Do you have anywhere to stay? You could spend the night at my place if you need to," he tells you.

"Do you actually trust me in your home?" you tease.

"I thought I made it clear that I trust you..." he politely says with a confused expression written all over his face.

"You did," you smile as you sit up. "Thank you, I really appreciate the offer. Which way do we walk?"

Draken stands and offers out his hand to you. You graciously accept it and let him help you up before walking back across the park and once more through town. When you get downtown he finally stops in front of a brothel.

You look over at him very confused as to why he's brought you here. "This isn't what I thought you meant when you said to come back with you..."

"Is there something wrong with where I live?" he inquires sincerely.

You tense up at his words. You didn't think he was serious at first about living here but now you feel terrible for not being sensitive with your word choice.

"N-no, not at all. Let's go inside," you smile, hoping to ease the tension.

Draken keeps close to you as he guides you across the reception, past staring clients, and into his room. It's quite small, but you can't help but smile when you see it. He's got about a dozen of the same jacket he wears every day, a million photos of his friends, and a huge stereo above his dresser.

"Sit and get yourself comfortable," he says to you. "I'll be right back."

You walk over to his bed and flip through some magazines above his headboard. When he returns, he approaches you with a bottle of water and a huge t-shirt that could only belong to him.

"You can stay in here tonight if you'd like," he begins to explain to get you a bit comfortable with your surroundings. "There's a shower room right behind where I'm standing and I can get some food for you if you're hungry. There's another room right nearby if you need me."

"That's perfect, thank you," you smile. But just as you thank him, someone knocks on the door. A woman in clothes way too small for her body pops her head in and smiles at the two of you. She looks quite surprised that Draken has a guest over.

"Oh, good, your visitor is a girl. You won't mind me taking the spare room then, would you?"

Draken's eyes flicker between hers and yours. "No, not at all. Go ahead."

previous | next | in too deep

Taglist: @6-022-10-23 @bontensbabygirl @lonnie19 @captainsbaby @thisbicc

[imagineyourworld]

Hey there! Could I request g. with Luke Skywalker with an inquisitor reader? Congrats on reaching 100, can't wait to read more of your work!

Hi,

Thank you so much <3

That's a really interesting request, I hope I can do it justice.

Love, Charlie

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Luke Skywalker x Genderneutral!Inquisitor!Reader

g. "Sorry doesn't fix everything."

Warnings: Slight age difference (just a couple of years, not specified), kinda self-harm, but not really

-------

You didn't consider yourself anyone special. You were one of many, one of many children orphaned during the end of the Clone Wars or the beginning of the Empire, one of many cadets in the Imperial Academy, one of many singled out on your fifteenth birthday for 'special training'. It wasn't until you turned eighteen and were sent on your first mission, the only one of your squad to ever receive a mission at all, that you realized that maybe there was something special about you, though you only managed to put it in words once none other than Grand Moff Tarkin, the Grand Moff Tarkin, pinned a medal on your chest and congratulated you to your promotion. That's when you realized that you were special, you were one of only a handful of Inquisitors, chosen and trained to rid the galaxy of the few remaining Jedi or those who still had faith in the doomed order, those whose abilities were too dangerous to let them live. You were good at what you did, if not one of the best, and had countless medals to prove it. Maybe that's why your next mission came from very high up, from Darth Vader himself. The day you met the second most powerful man in the galaxy would change your life forever, though whether for better or for worse you would never be able to tell.

-------

Vader had sent you to what had to be the worst planet you have visited so far. Tatooine was nothing but a pile of sand, two burning suns and more criminals and low lives than you cared to count. Though for someone high up in the empire, who received a generous salary, it wasn't too bad. Rent and food were cheaper than other places, so you allowed yourself the rare luxury of renting a small suite in one of the better hotels the planet had to offer. The mission itself was simple, all you had to do was listen to locals and maybe ask a few inconspicuous questions to find out whether there were any Jedi sympathizers left in this corner of the galaxy. That's how you met him, and how your life changed once more. Luke Skywalker quite literally ran into you the first time you visited a place called Tosche station. He was just leaving as you were entering, and since he wasn't paying attention to where he was going and you had no space to move to the side the two of you collided. Luke managed to stay on his feet, but you began to stumble and fall, only to suddenly find yourself in his arms. Wow, that kid has fast reflexes, was the first thing you thought, but once you got a closer look at him you realized that he was no kid, at the most he was a couple of years younger than you, though his out of style clothes and long hair made him appear younger than is actual age. "I am so sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Are you alright?", he asked, his arms still around you and concern in his eyes. You didn't know what it was, but there was something about him that made you stare just a moment longer, and heat rise up to your cheeks. "I'm fine. But I might feel better if you bought me a drink", you replied. Your keen eyes noticed the blush that crept up his face at your words. His reaction, and the overall lack of young people, let alone attractive young people, on this planet made it obvious that he wasn’t used to flirting, which brought out a strange sense of accomplishment and possessiveness in you.  “Just wait here, I’ll get us something to drink and I know a shady place to sit down”, he told you before disappearing in the crowd. 

-------

True to his word Luke reappeared a moment later and lead you to what seemed to be an abandoned farm a short distance away. That’s where the two of you settled and only when the suns began to set did you get back up. You didn’t remember the last time you have had a conversation like this, talking about everything and nothing. In just one short afternoon you learned more about Luke than you knew about most of your fellow cadets back at the academy. He was an orphan, living with his aunt and uncle on their moisture farm and though the two of them were happy with that life, Luke wanted more, he wanted to see the galaxy, a sentiment you could understand more than he knew. Luke was all of the things the people in your life weren’t; open and honest, sweet and funny, warm as the two suns above and quite good looking on top of it. In retrospect you should have known that it wouldn’t take Luke long to find a place in your heart, and your frequent meetings that followed after your first day together certainly didn’t help.  Luke was your first kiss, only a week after you first met him in the Tatooine desert with gleaming stars and a bright moon above.  He was the first one you told about your past, at least a few basics. You told him that you were an orphan, that your parents had been killed during the last few days of the Clone Wars and that you have been on your own since you were a baby. You told him about the loneliness and fears you usually kept bottled up and your unrealistic dreams for the future.  Luke was the first you slept with, back in your hotel suite, after you had treated him to a dinner nicer than any he has had back on the farm. It wasn’t like what your peers had told you sex was like, it was sweet and passionate and lovely.  And even though you tried your best not to, Luke was the first person you ever fell in love with, the first you cared about, other than the memory of parents you didn’t even remember if you were being honest.  Your relationship with Luke was both the only real thing and the biggest lie in your life. He had told you everything about himself, but you had no choice but to keep lying to him again and again, no matter how much it hurt. Maybe that’s why part of you was glad when, after once again reporting that there was nothing unusual on Tatooine, you were told your mission was over and you should report to the Death Star.  When you told Luke that you’d have to leave the next day he kissed you in his unique sweet way and whispered the three words you have come to cherish against your lips.  “In that case I think I should give this to you now. I had been planning to wait til our one year anniversary next month, but I guess that doesn’t matter now”, he mumbled, speaking more to himself than to you. Before you could ask what he was talking about he pulled a small box out of the messenger back he usually carried with him. Gently he opened the box to reveal the most stunning bracelet you have ever seen.  “It was my mother’s, one of the few things I have of hers. I want you to have it.”  You lifted the bracelet out of  its box, admiring how the stones shone in the soft light of the candles around your suite.  “Luke...”, you said, trying your best not to let your voice break. “I cannot accept this.”  You lowered the bracelet to put it back in the box, but before you could Luke took your hand in his and used his other hand to close your finger on top of it.  “I want you to have it, I really do. To remember me by. Besides, the colour really doesn’t suit me.”  You couldn’t fight the smile that found its way to your lips at his bad joke, neither the tears that appeared in your eyes. It really was time for you to leave this planet, to leave Luke, if you didn’t do it soon you feared you never would.  “Thank you. I won’t take this off, I promise”, you vowed as he gently fastened the bracelet around your wrist and then pressed a soft kiss on your pulse point.  “I love you”, he said with a sad smile.  Only then did it occur to you that he had said it multiple times now, almost every day ever since the first time he had said it almost seven months ago, but never once did you say the words back. Maybe it was fitting that the only time you told him how you felt about him was when saying goodbye.  “I love you too, Luke.” 

-------

Soon after your return to the Empire, and your first visit to the infamous Death Star, did you realize why you had been called back so suddenly. The war against the rebels was picking up pace and the Empire could use all the help it could get.  The next year was busy, you were no longer sent on solo missions but rather trained with the elite forces, taught to fly and shoot instead of fighting with your lightsaber, and then it suddenly stopped.  After the Battle of Yavin the Empire had to regroup, rethink its strategies, and fight a new opponent.  “We have information about an old Jedi temple, you will leave tomorrow and destroy it”, Grand Moff Tarkin informed you in his usual clipped way.  This caught your attention, and for the first time in a while your interest. Hunting Jedi, making sure no children strong with the force would ever find out about their existence and take care of them if they did was what you were trained for, what you often thought you were born to do. Suddenly it dawned on you that the last time you had actually been assigned a mission like this was before Tatooine, before Luke.  “Why me? I don’t mean to question your decision, but there are many older, more skilled Inquisitors.”  Tarkin simply nodded. “I agree. But Lord Vader asked for you specifically. You’re to leave for Dagobah tomorrow at 0700.” 

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Your short research told you that Dagobah was basically a slimy mudhole, but upon arrival it seemed even worse than in the pictures on the holonet.   “If that temple is inside one of those swamps I’m not even gonna bother, I’ll just set fire to the whole planet”, you mumbled as you climbed out of your TIE fighter, careful not to get your bracelet caught on the ladder. That had happened once during one of your first flying lessons and it had cost you almost a month’s salary to get it repaired, apparently the medal alone was worth more than you made in a year, from the stones you might even be able to buy a small planet.  The second your feet touched the ground you felt something dripping down from the trees onto your arms, which you could only hope was water.  Luckily, after just a few meters, you stumbled upon a path covered with mostly dry branches and pebbles.  “I thought this planet was supposed to be abandoned, but this looks almost like someone made this path on purpose.”  You kept walking along the path, checking your datapad every now and then to make sure you were headed the right way.  After what felt like half an eternity of walking you finally reached a small hut, which your datapad assured you was right next to the temple, though since you couldn’t see anything other than the hut and a million trees you decided to investigate there first, who knew what you may find.  A familiar buzz ran through your entire body, adrenaline and excitement preparing you for what was to come. With a slight smile on your lips you ignited your lightsaber, partially so you’d be ready for what- or whoever would be waiting for you inside, partially because from where you stood in the doorway you could tell that it was incredibly dark and the added benefit of a lightsaber was the soft glow that helped in situations like this.  Inside the hut was larger than it had seemed on the outside, mostly meaning that there was more than just one room. In fact, there was a long hallway with open doors on both sides leading to different rooms. The first couple of rooms you checked, if they could even be called that, were pretty much overtaken by nature and rotting away. There was nothing that spoke of Jedi, or any other intelligent being, having been there in recent years. It wasn’t until you were closing in on the last rooms that you heard a low noise, followed by a gut feeling that told you that what you were looking for would be in that room. Though since you didn’t know what, or who, exactly would be in there you entered the room with your lightsaber stretched out in front of you, hoping the red sword would make any possible threat stand down before they could try anything while you would remain in the shadowy hallway to glance inside.  The plan seemed to work, since you heard a small gasp from inside the room just a moment before you realized who it had come from.  “Luke?”  “(Y/N)?”  Both your voices were astounded, shocked, and mournful. Of all the people in the galaxy, why did it have to be Luke Skywalker you found here of all places?  “What are you doing here?”, you asked as you slowly entered the room.  It was then that you noticed just how different Luke looked, how much he had changed since you last saw him. His hair was a bit shorter, his skin paler and his eyes darker. And he was wearing an orange flight suit, the outfit was completed by the helmet in his hand, with the familiar rebel symbol on the side.  You turned your lightsaber off before fastening it to your belt, just in time because only moments later you felt your legs begin to wobble before they gave out underneath you.  Luke, his reflexes fast as ever, quickly pushed a chair in your direction, so you would fall on that instead of the hard floor.  “Luke... Please don’t tell me this is what I think it is.”  You didn’t know what made you plead, hated the hurt and fear in your voice, but how could Luke, your Luke, not only be a rebel but be hiding right were an ancient Jedi temple was supposed to be.  “If you’re asking whether I’m a rebel, the answer is yes”, he said after a moment of silence. “But judging by that red saber that’s not the only thing you’re asking.”  Luke astonished you by sitting down on the small bed you only just noticed, one of the few pieces of furniture in the small room. How could he be so calm?  “Why didn’t you tell me that you’re a... what do you call yourselves again? Inquisitors?”  You couldn’t help the inappropriate laugh that escaped your lips.  “Yes, Inquisitors. Also known as the only people stopping the Jedi from destroying the galaxy as we know it.”  Luke simply looked at you, an expression on his face you’ve never seen. He seemed to be beyond angry, though there was no denying the sadness in his eyes.  “Is that what you believe? That the Jedi, the few Jedi you and those like you haven’t slaughtered, are trying to destroy the galaxy?”  Not knowing what made you do it you sat down next to Luke, though you did your best to put some distance between you on the small bed.  “Luke, I know this might be hard to hear, I know some people, rebels and Jedi alike, probably told you more lies than either of us can count, but the Jedi are bad. They once controlled the galaxy, did you know that? And they used that control to gain riches and live comfortably while others suffered. They were selfish and deceiving and cruel and Emperor Palpatine was the only one who could stop them. You know that, don’t you?”, you asked. Of course Luke had to know that, know the truth. You spoke to him in a soft voice, careful not to burst his bubble too sudden, to give him time to adjust and acknowledge what deep down you were sure he had to know.  “Is that what they told you? What they made you believe so you would go around killing innocent children, scared old fugitives and all those trying to live normal lives after a genocide? Wake up, (Y/N)! It’s not the Jedi that are bad, it’s the Empire.”  Luke reached out to take your hand and for reasons unknown to you, you let him.  “The Empire raised you, didn't it?”, he asked.  To say you were shocked would be an understatement. You’ve never really told Luke anything about your past, you weren’t even sure whether you told him that you were an orphan, but certainly not what your childhood had been like.  “How did you know?”  He moved closer to you before he answered, reached for your face to lay a hand on your cheek. The sadness in his eyes was even more obvious now, so much so that it took over his entire face.  “There’s no other explanation. If you had known life outside the Empire, if even just for a moment, you would know just how false everything you just said is.”  You shook your head. Though doubt began to creep in on you, the bigger part of your brain knew that Luke must be trying one of his Jedi tricks on you. But as soon as that thought appeared you neglected it. This was Luke, your Luke. Sweet and kind and caring, he couldn’t hurt a fly, much less you, no matter how much time has passed. So was what he was saying true? At least partially?  “They told you what they want you to believe, never let you make up your own mind. I know you, (Y/N), I know that deep down, somewhere underneath all those lies you’ve been told, you’re a good person, and that person doesn’t have to heart to be an Inquisitor.”  There was an expression on Luke’s face you knew all too well. Hope.  He squeezed your hand before lifting it up to his lips to press a soft kiss on the back of it.  “Luke, I... I’m...”, you started, but with how much your lip was quivering you couldn’t finish your sentence.  “It’s alright”, Luke said before pressing another kiss to your hand. “You don’t need to say it, you don’t need to apologize. You know, sorry doesn’t fix everything, but it’s a good start. And if you let me, I can help you. You could start a new life as part of the rebellion, I’m sure they’d be glad to have someone of your expertise.”  As Luke kept talking your head began to spiral. Finally you came to a conclusion, and though you knew it was the right thing, you almost didn’t go through with it, knowing you wouldn’t be able to look Luke in the eyes afterwards.  Slowly you began to loosen your hand from Luke’s grasp and removed his other hand from your cheek.  “I’m not sorry. I’m not gonna say that I am when I’m not. Maybe what I’ve done was wrong, and if that’s the case your rebellion would never accept me, I don’t think I would accept me if what I have done wasn’t for the good of the galaxy, or maybe everything I’ve ever been taught was right and you’re lying to me. Whatever it is, I cannot say that I’m sorry, much less go with you, until I know the truth.”  You took a deep breath and averted your eyes from Luke’s face. You couldn’t bear to look at him right now.  “I know you won’t hurt me, even though you probably should. And I won’t hurt you, even though that’s what I’m here for. I’ll go looking for answers, to see whether I’m the villain you think I am, or the hero I was raised to be.”  As you spoke the last words you got up from the small bed. You could feel Luke’s eyes on you, but knew that if you looked at him, at the face you’ve seen in your dreams ever since you first met, you wouldn’t be able to go through with your plan, instead you’d crumble and fall into his arms, knowing he’d always be there to catch you.  Lucky for you, Luke didn’t say anything, didn’t try to stop you until you were almost out the door.  “I still love you”, he finally said. “Maybe I shouldn’t, knowing what I now know, but I can’t help it.”  Even though every bone in your body was screaming at you to turn around, even though your heart was aching to catch one last glimpse at him, you continued to walk out the door, out the hut and didn’t stop until you reached your TIE.  And just as you were taking off, after you have ripped parts of your clothes and carefully cut yourself with your lightsaber to make it seem as if Luke had bested you in battle, you finally did turn around and looked for Luke among the trees. And though you didn’t see him, something told you that he was there, watching you. It was that feeling that made you whisper the words you should have said to him whenever you had the chance.  “I love you too. And I’m sorry, for everything.” 

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I’m so sorry that this took ages, but I hope it was worth the wait. I really loved this idea and though I don’t think I really did it justice I have tried my best. 

[madmiriam]

My Mando (Din Djarin) /oc's backstory idea (includes alot of rexsoka shipping)

Warning!! : I can't spell for toffee and Tumblr deleted all of my proofreaders edits. Obviously she doesn't want to do it all over again so I've had to make do.

(a clan of three by madmiriam (Me)

We all love the mandalorian, Din Djarin is so sexy as single dad and we all love him for it. But this makes it hard to write and engageing original character to go with this perfect specimen of a man, one that we can really connect with. Well I have a salutation, to connect with a character it helps if that character is also connected to a character/characters that you already know and love. So I give you my original character Jaig.

Look:

Like the picture above, originally I wasn't going to have Din and Grogu in it at first but I have a habit of making life difficult for myself, so your welcome.

Personality:

As an adult, she's calm and patient and has a sarcastic sense of humour.

As a child, she has a bubbly personality, a contagious smile, and an insatiable curiosity.

Strengths:

she finds it difficult to truly hate anyone, no matter what they've done, she proffers to look at the reasons behind the actions of others before jumping in for revenge, that's not to say she doesn't get angry at people, but her anger is not fuelled by hate. She has been fully trained in the use of weaponry, such as guns, granaids and other such, and has had a small amount of training with a lightsaber when she was younger. But afters a experiencing a tragedy at the age of 9 she hasn't touched one since, she proffers the us of DC hand guns. She is also a fairly good pilot and mechanic.

Weaknesses:

back when she was a child she had a hard time using the force when when overwhelmed. If the thoughts and feelings of others got to much, she would become force blind. When she grows older, (for certain reasons you will find out later on in. This story) she completely cuts herself off from the force. Unless her emotions get to much go handle, then the force would almost explodes out of her. She also doesn't do well when she's alown. Having grown up in various large family atmospheres. If she is not around people she cares about and loves, she will become closed off a dipressed.

Back story: (now bear with me, this storyline is set before she meets Din, its just an introduction to this character)

Jaig (due to her small Jaig eye like markings, and her father's personal connection to the simble) is the daughter of ex jedi padawan Ahsoka Tano and her mate/husband Captain Rex. She looks mostly human like her father, with the same amber eyes and his family's dark hair. But with the same facial structure of her mother, and a slightly darker and olive tinged skin tone. She also has distinct white making that were almost identical to her mother's. Except instead of diamond shapes on her forehead, she has jaig eye like markings. She was born 6 years after the clone wars ended, while her parents were on the run from the empire. Rex and Ahsoka had found it impossible to part from one another after the events of order 66, and after travelled from place to place avoiding the empire for a long time. Their feelings for one another grow, and they eventually married through the use of mandalorian marriage vows.

They built a home in the stars, and after a few years, to their great surprise and happiness they conserved and had Jaig. Things were finally looking up with the birth of their new found hope for the future.

(Their new found hope for the future/baby Jaig by madmiriam (me)

But it was not to last. It was hard enough to hide themselves, a clone and a ex jedi from the empire. But now adding a force sensative baby to the mix as well, it made it damn near impossible for them all to stay together. Which; after a terrifying encounter with one of the Empires Inquisitors, forced them to make the difficult decision to part ways. Rex would head off insearch for a new home and hopefully find and de-chip as many brothers as he could. While ahsoka would keep traveling around the stars with Jaig. Avoiding the empire and its ruthless inquisitors, whilst trying to help Jaig build up her Shields. They both agreed to keep in touch and once Jaig's Shields were up and safely secure,(which for the average youngling would take 5 years or so) they would rejoin each other and dicided what to do next. But a year after their separation Rex's comms and messeges had stopped all together, and by the time Jaig had reached the age of five and had built up some suitable shields around her mind, neither she or her mother had herd from her father in over 4 years. Her mother was adament he was still alive, but as she grew older Jaig had a hard time believing her. For if he was alive why hadn't he come to find them? Why was he not answering her mothers messages that she still sent on a regular basis?

By the time she was 6 her mother was approached by Bail Organa, in regards to starting a rebellion, and that is what they spent the next 4 years working towards, staying in the shadows gradually building up a resistance to eventually overthrow the empire.

She and her mother met the ghost crew when she was 9 (the same age Anakin had been when he was found by qui gon) and after an uncomfortably close encounter with a mysterious Sith lord called Darth Vader, Jaig's mother disided it was time to bring her father into the fold, and sent Jaig of with the ghost crew to find Rex.

When meeting her father she had opted to wear a scarf to cover her face markings and, chose to withhold her name, and who she was until she found out more about the man who was her father. She was apprehensive about him. As she had no memorie of her dad, for she was only a baby when he left. The only thing she did have, was this warm comforting feeling that she felt whenever her mother spoke of him. A feeling of being held to a large ferm chest in two equally large and ferm muscular arms. Wrapped in a soft wool blanket. Her mother told her that this was the force making an imprint on one of the more emotional moments of her like. But all the same, she proffered to be cautious.

After spending some time with Rex and his bothers. She found her self really enjoying there company. Aspecially her father's. Who dispite having no idea who she was, had already shown that he had a clear paternal instinct. Particularly when teaching her and Ezra how to fish for "Big Bongo". However Kanan who clearly didn't trust Rex or his brothers had spent most of his time hovering around ether her or Ezra protectively, eventually telling them about his exspirence with order 66, an event her mother never talked about.

After seeing the heartbreak on her father's eyes at the memories he and Kanan spoke of. She desided it was time to tell him who she was. But that decision was cut short however when she overheard Rex telling Ezra that he wasn't going to come back with them. Even though he now knew her mother was alive (1 year after separating when the message's stopped he thought both his wife and child to be dead) Jaig ran of in tears when hearing this. She climbing down the ladder of the the AT-TE and walked ferther in front of the walking monstrosity. Away from everyone else. She had finally gotten used to the idea of her father coming back with them. Had become exited by it even. But now, the fact that he was refusing to come with them. Back to his home, his wife, to her. It hurt and overwhelmed her, more than she could say.

She didn't however see what happened after. When Sebine came out and acused Rex of selling them out, of contacting the empire and never answering Ahsoka's messages; at which point he finds out about how Wolfe had withheld all the messages from Ahsoka for 8 years. Thinking he was protecting his brothers from a potentially vengeful jedi. Rex was furious at Wolfe for hiding his own wife's messages to him, and coursing him to miss so much of his only child's life.

Rex: "we have a daughter Wolfe!!! My Jaig, my baby girl doesn't even know who I am because of you!!!"

Wolfe:(was shocked and full of regret when hearing this) "I.. I.. Didn't know... Rex I'm sorry, I didnt know"

Ezra:(recordnises the name) "wait Jaig? you meen our Jaig, Jaigs your daughter?"

Rex: "wait what?"

At this point they hear a shrill scream coming from down in front of the AT-TE. It was Jaig, she was being attact by the prob droid that had been sent by the empire.

The clones immediately go into action. Rex is handed a rifle and gets ready to shoot the prob as it backs his daughter into the ground. His ames and shoots true, killing the droid with one foul shot and then quickly dashes down to retrieve his daughter from under the sparking remains of the droid.

Jaig is in hysterics at this point. Having been taken by surprise by the droid along with the emotional turmoil of potentially losing her father all over again. She then resigned herself to just sit there and cry over how foolish she was for even seeing the attack coming. But now she was being held in the familiar strong arms of her father as he held his only child for the first time in over 8 years.

Rex: "I'm here sh shh, I'm here Ik'aad senaar (baby bird, a nickname he gave her as an infant) daddy's here, daddy's got you"

He says carefully stocking her familiar dark brown hair (that was now flowing free as her scarf had fallen loosely around her shoulders, revealing her beautiful face to her father who's eyes were now brimming with unshed tears) to calm her down as he picking her up and takes her back to the AT-TE. Where the others are waiting with bated breaths. Wolfe was holding a blanket out to wrap his shacking niece into and Gregor quickly dashing off to get her a hot chocolate hoping to make her feel better.

Jaig: "I was angry. Upset. You said you weren't coming home and, then everyone felt so angry and scared all at once. It was to much. (sighs) I have a hard time controling the force when I get overwhelmed like that. I couldn't even sence the prob. I'm. I'm sorry"

She exsplans after she sits down and has a few sips of the hot chocolate that had been placed in her hands. Accompanied a number of comforting back rubs from both her father and her uncles.

Wolfe apologies to her. Explains that he's the reason her father had been out of her life for so long. That he was just trying to protect his brothers but ended up hurting his other family because of it. And tells her he understands if she hates him.

Jaig: "your Wolfe aren't you? Uncle Wolfe? Mum (she has a slight clone like accent that they haven't noticed before) told me about you, said you worked with Grandpa Plo"

Wolfe: 😳"Grandpa Plo? 😂 Boy he would have loved to have herd you say that"

He said, both of them smile at each other, Jaig having forgiven her uncle for his laps in judgment.

All seemed well again until the empire calls them back to get the clones to hand over the rebels. The clones now fueled by the new found need to keep their new family out of harms way, tells the empire where they can stick it, and quickly try to usher the ghost crew along with Jaig into the phantom so they can escape While they all get ready to fight.

Jaig: "but I just found you, mum told me to bring you home, I can't leave you behind, da.. Please don't go"

She says clutching at his shirt as he huged her tight before holding her out to face him,

Rex:"no one's abandoning anyone. Jaig look at me (tilting her head to look. Into her eyes, eyes that matched her father's) we're soldiers Ik'aad senaar, this is what we were born to do, but this time we have something to fight for.. Its going to be OK, (presses his forehead against hers) I love you my Jaig eyes, I've loved you from the I first held you. Ha you were so tiny. I didn't want to let you go back then and I don't want to do it again now, but like last time it's something I have to do, to keep you safe, my Ik'aad senaar, (kissed her forhead lovingly) tell your mother I'm sorry I couldn't make it home, and... And I love her ok."

He says before sending her back into the phantom, closing the door behind her before she can stop him.

Things then pan out like it does in the show, the phantom goes back to help the clones take down the walkers and Rex then decides he's not gonna spend any more of time away from Ahsoka and Jaig and choses to return with them and join the rebellion.

The reauion between Rex and Ahsoka continues the same, but insted of just a hug Ahsoka goes in for the kiss (how it should have always been in my opinion).

(this art work was done by @nottonyharrison (please note: this image was used with the permission of the artist,) please go check them out, as you can see their art work is stunning)

They spend most of there time with the ghost crew, Ahsoka makes the Ghost her base to return to after missions, and Rex teaching combat and war strategies to both Ezra and Jaig, but mostly to Ezra, Jaig was; in his opinion still to young to get to deep into the oncoming war.

Rex:"let her be a kid for a little longer at least".

Jaig and Ezra had eventually become good friends, Jaig looking up to him as something of an older brother, following him every where he went like a little shadow. At first Ezra was annoyed, and try to get away from her at every turn. But after a while he found he quite like having someone look up to him for a change. As before her, he had been dubed the baby of the group with the most to learn. But now he had Jaig hanging on his evey word like it was gold. He found he enjoyed the new found responsibility.

Unfortunately with her shadowing Ezra so much. This meant she got into all kinds of trouble with him. Trouble that mostly involved them running down the corridor with an angry Zeb chasing after them. Zeb really didn't seem to like Jaig very much. Said it was like having two Ezras, and one was quite enough. However other trouble also included a short but terrible trip to malachor, where after being told she can't come along she choses to stow herself away on the phantom in the small rashon hold built into the floor, shielding her mind from her mother as they flow through space.

Ahsoka: (on a call to Rex) "well I definitely out rank you😉... 😟How Jaig doing?"

Rex: "welp she's not happy, she gone and hidden herself in one of thoughs little critter caves again, I'm making her favorite tonight so I know she'll show up by dinner time, but all the same😔..."

Ahsoka: "hay don't take it to heart Rex, you and I both know this is how she deals with being left behind for anything, she finds a small place to hide and sulk it out, just be ready with a plate of nuna and a hug and she bounces right back😄🙁 when she comes out tell her I love her, and I'll be home soon"

Rex: "I will🙂😟... May the force be with you" they hang up.

It's Ezra who ends up finding her, just after they land. Pointing her out to a stressed out Kanan and a very cross Ahsoka,

Ezra: "ummm guys, I think we have a stowaway",

Jaig: "before you get mad..... consider being proud of me, I stayed still for hours in there AND I shielded my mind the whole time, so you non of you even knew I was there"

Ahsoka: "DON'T push it young lady😠what were you thinking!! Your fathers gonna be worried sick!!!! 😤😔 welp since there's no turning back now, the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can get you back home and thoroughly grounded for a year"

The rest again plays out the same, they find Maul, Maul blinds Kanan, they get the sith holocromb but lose Ahsoka in the fight with Vader, though after seeing Jaig who looks so much like the little snippy girl from his old life, the Anakin in Vader hasitates to kill ahsoka and her child, and insted trys to convince the unwavering togruta to join him with her daughter.

Vader:"the galaxy shall never be safe for her Ahsoka, join me and I can protect her from the emperor. Join me and we can over throw him... Together"

Ahsoka: "how can I trust anything you say. If you were truly Anakin then how can you protect my daughter when you can't even protect yourself"

Jaig: "MUM!!!! MUUUMMMM!!!"

Ahsoka looks at her daughter running to her as the walls of the sith temple come down,

Ahsoka :"I'm sorry Jaig"

She say quietly as she force pushes he child into Ezra outside the temple as it fall around her and Vader out of the site of her family.

When all is quiet and Vader emerges from the rubble, after failing to find his former apprentice, the Anakin in him vows that he will not fail her child, he will do everything in his power to insure his master never find her, even if he has to hide her away himself to do it.

When Kanan, Ezra and Jaig return to base, Rex is in hysterics asking around.

Rex:"have you seen Jaig? Has anyone seen my baby?, its been over two days.. I can't find her..!!."

Jaig:"DADDY!!! 😭"

Rex turns to see her running out of a newly landed phantom in tears. Now knowing exactly where she'd been he quickly runs to her and scoops her up in his arm clucking her close to his chest in relief that she was home.

Rex:"you.. Are going to be the death of me, hey sh shshsh hey, hey what's the tears? what happen? where's your..? ."

(a father's comfort, ruff drawing by madmiriam (me)

He couldn't finish the sentence as he looked around and sure two other people emerging from a now empty ship, neither one of them was his wife. Ezra looked him in the eyes and with out saying a word, he knew. He knew Ahsoka, his Ahsoka was gone. He closed his eyes, sheding one silent tear as he held his girl tighter, and slowly carried her away, away from the crowd, but not away from the heartache.

After the loss of her mother, Jaig's once bubblie personality had diminishes somewhat. She refuses to leave the side of eather her father or the members of the ghost crew. She goes on a few missions with them and liston to every word her father says about ways of fighting, fighting to protect herself and the people she loves. Before heading to a mission on geonosis he gives he one of his old DCs. (its twin had been lost in battle during the clone wars and he had gotten a replacement pear, but he had always kept his first well maintained in case he ever needed it)

Rex: "I know it's no lightsaber, but if will keep you and the others safe when used properly"

Jaig: "I don't want a lightsaber any more, 😔sabers get you killed"

Rex: " not all of them Ik'aad senaar" he sighs kissing her forehead "not all of them".

But even this would not last. When it came time for the empire to attack chopper base. Vader sends his own secret troops of undercover purge troopers to find and retrieve Jaig, and to also fake her death so both the empire and the rebels would not come looking for her. This of corse left Rex in his lowest point yet. After watching the ship he had put his daughter on to be evacuated blow up before it even left the ground. He found it hard to not simply drop all his defences and just calming walk into the flames after her. If it hadn't been for Zeb he probably would have. These kind of thoughts invaded his mind so frequently after that day, it was hard to remember when they didn't. He had lost both his wife and now his child. His hope and his reason for fighting were gone, and he wanted to go after them. But he couldn't. Not while there were still people to fight out there, the people who took everything for him and was still grabbing for more. People who his wife started this whole rebellion to fight against. No, he would keep fighting, as long as there is still even one imperial still left alive he would live and fight, until every last one of then were wiped out of existence. (that's gonna take a while)

Meanwhile Vader and Jaig finally meet properly face to mask. Jaig is having a hard time counselling her fear. But Vader was also having difficulty concealing his pain. Pain that had lingered since the moment he had emerged from that crumbled down sith temple, with no sign in the force or otherwise of his once padawan,. The last family he thought he had, that had not betrayed him, who had(once she had seen his face underneath his freshly cracked mask) said she wouldn't leave him, not again. But she had left him, not by her own design he knew, but she had left him all the same. And she had also left a child behind, a child like the one Padme would have given him if it weren't for both the sith and the jedi.

The jedi, who had forced his hand in turning to the dark side, by telling him he should just let Padme die for the good of the galaxy. The jedi who had abandoned his padawan, his little sister, his first child (if he could go so far as to say) in her time of need, and then exsept her to come back all smiles, acting as though her whole ordel was just a trial to prove herself to them. When it was them who should be providing themselves to her.

And the sith,. The sith who had manipulated him from day one to become what he is now, the sith who had taken every thing he had, his wife, his child, his brother/father figer, his little sister/daughter and his friends. The clones. His home all gone for the sake of his masters new empire😡. Yes he new this had been his master's plan all along, the war the clones, the inhibitor chips. All to gane more and more power for himself and to distroy the jedi in his wake. Dragging Anakin down into the darkness with him, and he would do the same thing to Jaig given the chance. Vader could feel the raw power of the force rolling of her, the energy mix with her fear would be a prime canderdate for Sidious's manipulation, should he ever discover her existence.

No!!! That would not happen, neither the sith or the jedi would have her, he would not alow it.

Jaig:"I know who you are.. I know what you did... You tryed to turn my mother before killing her, but you wouldn't turn me, you hear me, I.. Will.. Not... Turn"

She says her voice shacking with her body in fear.

Vader:"no... You will not..."

Jaig: "then why am I here? I haven't done anything to make you hate me.... At least... I don't think I have"

Vader:"I do not hate you Jaig, like your mother, much to my masters great..... disappointment... I could never hate you"

It was true. He couldn't hate her. Couldn't bring himself to hate her. But he couldn't love her either. He had no more love left in him to give. But he could protector for the sake of someone he had loved.

Jaig: confused "then.. Then please let me go, I won't tell anyone if that's what your worried about, I just want to go home, I want my dad, please I just want my daddy😰"

Vader: "you father's fate is.... Regrettable. However it is a necessary evil, it is emperative that he believes you to be dead"

Jaig: "why what did he do to you? what did any of my parents ever do to you?!"

Vader: "as shocking as it may sound, these actions are not done out of hate. You will know this soon enough but for now, I must focus on getting you as far away and as hidden as possible" he then calls in a trouper with red and black armor.

Vader: "CC-2224 I trust your men are ready"

Cody: "ready and awaiting orders.. Sir"

Cody says through gritted teeth not bearing to even look at his once general's masked face.

Vader:"good, I trust the surgery was a success for all of them?"

Cody: "yes.. Sir.. Though we are all having adjustment issues due to recent ... and.... less recent events"

Vader: "thoughs... issues.... had better not interfere with the performance of your mission commander, you and your men have been chosen for one reason and one reason only, and it is for your loyalty to her safety. I can feel your hatred for me commander Cody (Cody inhails sharply at the sound of his name) but I also know enough about you and your brother's to know that they will not let this anger get in the way. I trust you all know the consequences that await you should you fail"

He ignites his blood red saber to put more emphasis on his point.

Cody:"yes sir"

Vader:"very well, now take her and go, and protect her with your life, I shall make my own way back to base as some as I can, her training with began immediately after my return, so be sure to proper her, but until then you already know what to do".

Cody noded before walking over to Jaig, then bent down and gently but fermly lifts her out of her seat, and quickly carry her out of the cell, down the hall and, through the, docking Station towards a unmarked referbished gunship.

Jaig: "where are we going? "

She said with a soft whimper. She was relieved to be away from Vader but still felt apprehensive with the idea of being taken away yet again in the arms of this.. Purge trooper, at lest she thinks it's a purge trooper, she had never seen one before so she could only guess.

Cody: "sh sh it's gonna be OK little one, I'm taking you some were safe, but we have to hurry now"

Jaig:"why?"

Cody: "no one on this ship other than Vader knows we're here and we have to keep it that way kid"

Jaig:"why would you need to hide from your own men"

Cody:"cuz you never know whos watching, I'll explain more when we get off this ship and into hyperspace"

Once they were on board the gun ship, that had been modified to acomidate long period space travel. The modifications included everything from comfortable seating to a working hyperdrive. Cody set her down in one of the seats and strapped her fermly in before heading to the cockpit, leaving her now surrounded by four more purge troopers (hardcase, fives, dogma and waxer, who I'm gonna say lived, cuz I have attachment issues, boil is in the cockpit piloting the ship) who are all looking at her intensely through their helmets. (hardcase and fives are in borrowed discises, after Fives finds out about the chips he and hardcase desert the army and decide to strike out on their own to try and find out more about the chips and their perpose, unfortunately they were too late to do anything about it before oder 66 happened. They have been on the run ever since, until Vader aproches them, informing them that he has been keeping tabs on them, and had been insuring the empire believes them both to be dead, and tells them of the mission, they agree to help because it's Rex and ahsoka's daughter they'll be protecting, but only under the condition the they only report to a de-chipped Cody and all other clones included in the mission must also be de-chipped as well. Vader had agreed to this as he was going to have their chips all removed anyway, to prevent any itchy trigger fingers being near his new force sensative)

Once they're in hyperspace Cody returns to the main area of the gun ship, where the other clones are crowed around a frightened looking Jaig

Waxer: "is this her? Wow she looks so much like her mum"

Fives: "she has our eyes though, our wonderfully handsome eyes"

hardcase: "and out hair, Ha!! I knew Rex's hair wasn't naturally blonde😂"

Dogma:" technically Hardcase, her hair being brown isn't proof that his is to, she could have just gotten the hereditary Jango gen of dark hair"

Fives:"aww suck the fun out of it why don't you"

Cody: "guys back up, give her some space, your freaking her out, and take off your buckets, I don't think they're helping"

When their buckets were removed Jaig was shocked to see five versions of her father's face looking down at her, all old and a little worse for where's, but all very much clone. She recordnises three of them from her father's holopad.

Jaig: "Fives?"

Fives:😃 "yeah! Yeah kid, that's me your☝️ Uncle Fives (he kneals down taking her hand in his, giving it a quick squeeze, before turning to Cody) she recordnised me first that must kill you😁"

Cody: 😠 "only cus you have a, dirty great 5 on your forehead You Di'kut"

He said before knealing down in front of her

Cody:"hey kid, sorry I couldn't introduce myself earlier, I'm your.."

Jaig:"Uncle Cody"

Cody:😁 "yeah kid (to Fives) SEE!! over there are your uncles Dogma, Waxer, Hardcase and back there in the cockpit is your uncle Boil, I know your probably not used to this many of us, but there's more we're we came from where we're going, though they live un a different fasilaty to ours, but every single one of them would be whiling to keep you safe if they knew. So you don't have to worry, we're not gonna let anything happen to you"

Jaig "but Vader.."

Cody: (places both hand at the side of her head and looks her dead in the eyes) "isn't going to TUCH you, not if we have anything to say about its, he may be our sponser, and he will be coming round every so often to check on you and train you. But you'll have several hundred or so uncles on the planet ready and waiting with fully loaded blasters should he ever try to hurt you, us 6 especially as we're the only clones there that know about you yet and we're gonna be living under the same roof, as you and one of us will always be close by to help you. OK kid, it's all gonna be ok (he says hugging her) your safe now"

Jaig: "but I don't want to be trained by Vader, I said I wouldn't turn and I meant it"

Cody: "it's alright, its alright. The one thing Vader has assured us of, is it he will not be training you in the dark side. And judging by the amount of effort he's putting into keeping you hidden, I'm inclined to believe him. He told us that you must block your self off from the force, what ever that means. Which is what he's going to show you how to do. Apparently it's the only way to keep the emperor off your scent. But like I said, one of us is always gonna be there should he try anything"

Fives:"yeah we'll look out for you kid, I know you miss your dad, and we're pretty poor substitutes, but we're here for you all the same"

Hardcase:"and we're not leaving anytime soon"

Dogma: "well not if we can help it"

Jaig "but where are we going?"

Cody: smile "to the closest thing we clones have to a home... Kamino"

Kamino had changed over the years, once the emperor had ordered to stop to any more clones creation. The cloning fasilaties had been abandoned by the kaminoans, along with all the rest of the untrained cadets who were all shipped of to the mustafa system to be trained and bred as the empires elite force of purge troopers.

The cloning facilities were left to the old now retired clones, to live out their days away from civilisation, many now wolowing in sadness and regret for their actions under the influence of their now un activated inhibitor chips.

The place Jaig and her other uncles were heading, was just a few hundred miles of from the main cloning compound. It had been kitted out with everything they might need, weaponry, shields, a food station, bedrooms, a bunkhouse, a training ground, and a shooting range. The only beings abord were now the clones, Jaig, the cook and the maintenance crew, well I say crew, it consisted of one male Ugnaught named Kuiil and three droid assistants whom he had reprogrammed to help with any and all clean up and maintenance duties.

Jaig would continue to live out there with her uncles for the next 5 years. They would go on to train her with any and all things clone, weaponry, though she had learnt a lot of that from her father's teachings, and the language and teachings of the mandalorian. The boys were insistent that she learn all of what little they knew of their heritage, as they were all descended from Jango, who was of mandolor. Any clone would tell you how proud the clones were of this heritage, and now they had someone to pass it all down to. They even taught Jaig the mandalorian wars songs that they had all learnt as cadets, and the Clone Haka, that had been performed by many clone troops over the years, before battle,. Much to the confusion and quite frankly terror of the B1 battle droids who witnessed them.

Fives: "ha your mum was pritty good at this to"

Jaig: now 12" my mum knew the Haka? "

She said, trying to picture her calm and serene togrutan mother, chanting, stomping and banging her chest along side millions of clones Warriors, all while making different faces and throatle sounds at the droids on the other side of the battlefield.

Hardcase: "oh yeah!! She was a natural, always shouting the chant in her loudest voice and making her scariest war face, like this 🤪😜🤪"

Fives: "and that my dear Jaig, was when your father fell in love🥰"

Vader came over as often as he could spare, when he was sure he couldn't be directed be his master or that anyone following him. Teaching Jaig how to disconnect herself from the force, telling her that if she continues to use it, the consequences would be severe.

Vader:"if the employer was ever to discover you exsisens, he would hunt you down in an instant, and kill anyone who trys to hide you from him. This is why you must never use the force again, and you must never leave. If anyone outside this fasilaty were to learn of your existence, you would be in mortal danger, as would everyone you care about"

Jaig: "but why couldn't my dad come? You could have had both our deaths faked and brought him here with me"

Vader: sighed "he is to mixed up with the rebel alliance, and besides, it was his reaction that sold your death to the universe. A trick I learned from my old master...the hard way"

He said bitterly.

Jaig knew she should hate him, he had taken her from her home, her friends and family. He had taken her mother, and it was because of his foolish decision to trust, a maniac, power hungy, sith Lord, that her family were forced to live in the shadows, and her mother, and father were force into separation when she was just an infant. She didn't like him by any means, she frequently tryed to avoid his at any turn. But she still couldn't feel hatred for him.

Cody: "na that your mother in you, she was never one to hold much of a grudge ether. She got angry at people don't get me wrong but she never hated them. She cryed over the potential execution of a woman who had Framed her for Murder once. And had taken the time to give all her deceased troops, who had tryed to gun her down a funeral. Even though she and your father where now on the run from the empire"

Over the years living there, she became closer with her uncles, or at least most of them. She argued with Boil on an almost daily basis, but they had their moments, she told him and Waxer how she met Numa, who was still fighting for the freedom of her home. She had a difficult time connecting with Dogma. He was very distance from her and didn't talk much. However she did like listening to him read. Dogma who had been a stiff by the book solder his entire life, and had been through so much, found he secretly quite enjoyed the company of his niece. But she spent most of her training with Fives and Hardcase. Both clones always new how to make her smile and told her many stories of her parents during the war, stories not even her parents had told her, (though they never much liked talking about the war), and she had given them a new lease of life, and new perpose. She was probably closest with Cody, he had know her father since they were both cadets, and was determined to teach her everything he knew, but he also showed his softer side with her. There were many a time he would be seen walking down the corridor carrying the young girl who was really getting a bit to big to be held, in his arms fast asleep from a long day.

She had also become quite good friends with Kuiil the maintenance manger, she learnt that he was paying off his debt to the empire through prolonged servitude, he had been in many battles he didn't believe in, until Vader; after seeing his reprogramming skills had, offered him a place on this secret compound. Kuiil had also taken quite a shine to Jaig, she was kind, and eager to learn the inner workings of the machines he fixed.

But yet again, even this would not last. After the destruction of the First Death Star, Lord Sidious had been furious with Vader, he tortured and demoted him. But through his touture he discovered the existence of the child Vader had taken such lengths to keep hidden from him. And through this new information, he devised a plan.

To brake his apprentices even ferther, he would force him to chose, chose between the life of his padawans child, who he had swarn to protect, and the life of his son, that he did not yet know about. But unfortunately for the emperor, he did not bargain for the tactical brilliance of the Clones.

When the empire, came to take the now 15 year old girl, they had already divested their own escape plan. They sent Jaig along with Kuill over to the kaminoan cloning facilities, turned clone retirement home, before the empire even entered the atmosphere. There she was frozen in to carbonite and fastened to the inside of the newly alcoved underbelly of a small one-seater Y wing (to insure the if the empire should come across them she would be well hidden and undetected, Kuiils cover story being that he was delivering supplies to the clones) there Kuiil would then fly far away from any siverlized planet. While, the clones continued to fight and defend the compound as though she was still there, and then proceed to escape themselves, using an old subship left over from the battle of Kamino. But not before bowing the place sky high, making it seem like the empires had fired at the fewl tanks corsing the whole building to be destroyed along with anyone who was inside.

This was not the out come Sidious had wished for, however with the now almost certain death of his ward, Vader plunged ever ferther into the void of darkness and hate. So the desired effect Sideous was planning for was reached anyway.

After being unfrozen from carbonite, Jaig and Kuiil parted ways. She chose to for her father, but it became fruitless. Chopper base had long since been evacuated and the rebel alliance was always one step ahead of her in their attempts to avoid the empire. For 2 years she searched for them, and fought the Empire where she could, until she finally stopped, delving into the belief that what ever family she knew was now gone, she rejoined Kuiil on a deserted planet called Arvala-7, while the galaxy celebrated the fall of the empire. Where for the next 5 years they would both try to live out their lives in peace, working the land and carrying for blurgs, until a mandolorian arrives on their planet, looking for a little green bounty, which starts of a whole new adventure for our now Adult Jaig.

OK guys let me know how I did, and if you would like to see Jaig's adventures with Din Djarin and little green bean Grogu. Let me know. I'm not much of a writer,. But I always got so irratated when reading Din Djarin/oc fics where to make her interesting, they give the oc force powers, with either no build up to it, or she's a run away jedi, which kind of defeats the whole purpose of season 2 were they're trying to find the jedi, so I thought I'd write my own. I wanted to have a character that has both a clear connection to both the mandalorian culture and the force, without making her a mary su. She has a connection to the force. But she can't use it, or control it. Therefore she can't train Grogu to use it. Which would mean they'd have to find the jedi, to help him learn to control his powers. Plus I don't want to just giving her everything with no preplanned reason. So here is my preplanned reason. I know these short scenes and conversations don't really delve much into her personality but that's were you come in. Tell me what you think of her, and what you think she's like as an adult. I wrote a few things like her kind nature and her sarcastic humour. But I could do with some ideas on what you would like to see. Let me know, and...

May the 4th be with you,😉

[askmerriauthor]

Jedi: Fallen Order thoughts 2/?

Discussion on "Star Wars - Jedi: Fallen Order". First post here, spoilers and lengthy rambling after the jump.

Honestly, I love this box art so much purely for the facts that 1) I made sure to remove that poncho the instant I could because the game's cloth dynamic rendering had it flailing about wildly as if it were trying to attack the universe through sheer defiance of physics in every cutscene. And 2) see that alien dude on the left with a pistol? In-game, he's an utter coward who never once participates in anything remotely resembling violence and sure as hell never wields a gun. It just reminds me of how Kirby is always given angry eyebrows in the US because marketing people are fucking stupid and think players won't be drawn to the game with an abjectly cute mascot.

So! The story.

As mentioned in my previous post, "Fallen Order" basically wants to tell a Found Family tale about a ragtag group of remnants who leave behind their previous lives and forge a new future together. We have our main character Cal Kestis; a former Padawan who survived Order 66 and has been in hiding for a handful of years. Cere Junda; a former Jedi who's cut herself off from The Force, Greez Dritus; a gambling addict pilot with a troubled past he's trying to leave behind, and BD-1; an annoyingly named but utterly lovable Droid who is far and away the best character in the entire damn game. There's also Nightsister Merrin; the presumably last survivor of the Nightsisters and potentially Cal's love interest, but she basically only shows up in the last 10 minutes of the game and doesn't get a lot of screentime despite being presented as a major part of the cast.

The game takes place a handful of years after the purge of the Jedi in Order 66, where both Cal and Cere's core character thrust is tied into. Cal was a child who survived only due to his master sacrificing his life to save him and has been wracked with guilt and PTSD ever since. Cere, on the other hand, unintentionally abandoned her own Padawan and other younglings, directly leading to their death, corruption by the Dark Side, and almost falling to the Dark Side herself. The bulk of the narrative throughout the game is dealing with the relationship these two have with one another, coming to terms with their own trauma, and moving forward from there. Meanwhile, the overall plot itself focuses around finding a Holocron that has a map and list of Force-sensitive children throughout the galaxy, which the gang can use to rebuild the Jedi Order while also keeping it - and thus the children - out of The Empire's hands. The whole series of events culminates in a big showdown between Cere's former Padawan whom she abandoned and became corrupted into an Inquisitor, Cal contending with his own guilt, and the decision on whether or not the gang has the right to interfere with the Force-sensitive children's lives and potentially put them in danger if another purge were to occur.

On paper, it's a solid enough story. The actual execution leaves something to be desired.

Something I absolutely hate in games (which has become frustratingly abundant in recent years) is the illusion of choice. If a player is presented with choosing A, B, or C, that decision should matter. Which path is taken should have impact, consequence, and change the course of the story. If all three routes converge back together at the same outcome regardless of what you picked, then your choice never mattered at all. "Fallen Order' suffers from this. There are fairly sporadic points in the game where you're given the option to choose how Cal will reply to a given conversation, or whether or not to take a certain action, but it doesn't matter at all. The conversation's outcome nor the overall story isn't affected by your choice (or even if you bother to have the conversation at all), and the any time you try to do something other than what the game wants you to do, it'll just reset itself endlessly until you cooperate. You have no choice in the matter, but the game makes it appear as if you do to emulate your involvement.

I absolutely hate this in games. If a game presents you with choices, then your choices should have consequences. Your input should matter. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a linear, plot-driven game where the player has no direct input on the narrative. If anything, that gives the story even greater opportunities to shine because it allows the writers and directors to be in full control of the presentation, characterization, and story.

At the risk of sounding like a cranky old man, this is very much a "back in my day!" sort of situation where older games wouldn't shy away from simply locking a player out of content if they chose a certain path. If you pick A, you don't get to see what happens down B or C. If you want to join the Jets, you don't get to join the Sharks. If you want to see what lies down those other routes, then replay the game and make different decisions. Sometimes it was a specific design choice, other times it was a way to handle hardware/programming restrictions. But there's a big notion these days in particular where there's a desire to make sure the player sees all the game's content up front. I anecdotally chalk it up to an increase in non-gamers entering into video game development at management level and making design decisions they're not qualified for, but that's just my own take. Like, I understand the thought process behind it. "We have all this content, so we want to make it a selling point and ensure the player gets to see all of it! If they play our game and miss a bunch of stuff, they might bitch at us and cause reviews". I get it, I do. But it's also bullshit because it directly harms the final product. If a game is good, players will replay it ad nauseum for ages beyond release. So they're going to see all the content one way or another. When the "we have to let the player access all content up front" mind set is in effect, it means the player's choices ultimately don't matter and the resulting abundance of content is quantity rather than quality.

In the case of "Fallen Order", your choices don't matter one bit and it's not even out of a case of accessing content. For some reason the developers put in this vestigial, pointless façade of a dialogue tree and choice system when the game frankly would've been far stronger if it had just been left out entirely. Developers have to invest one way or another. Either make it a fully narrative-driven game and tell a solid story, or make it a player-driven game and put in the effort to make the player's choices matter. Especially in a Star Wars game, as RPGs in this franchise have historically have Light/Dark Side choices, character deaths, and alternate endings based on your decisions. A big part of "Fallen Order"'s story is characters contending with the risk of falling to the Dark Side because of their trauma, but the game itself never actually gives the player any chance to explore that at all. It's a huge missed opportunity either way.

I think that's where a lot of the story's trouble comes from in the end. It's a lot of build up on a good idea that fizzles out and goes nowhere. Cal spends the entire game getting to a point where he's ready to move on, and then the game ends. Cere comes to terms with her past mistakes and tries to redeem her fallen Padawan, only for said fallen Padawan to be killed abruptly and completely cut off that entire story thread. Greez's past coming back to haunt him is shoe-horned in randomly and never goes anywhere. Merrin doesn't have enough time on screen to matter. There are three major villains throughout the game who are just cast aside casually and with no lingering impact for ever having been there. The biggest final boss, who has been the core antagonist and a major point of emotional conflict for the entire game, is discarded with no resolution because this is a Star Wars game and we just can't have one that doesn't feature Darth Vader sweeping in to steal the spotlight.

It's just... ugh. There's potential here. There's obvious, glowing moments of potential where things could've been developed into something really impressive if they were just given the opportunity. It feels like a huge waste and the end result is just a "meh" game that doesn't go anywhere, doesn't contribute to the setting, and could very easily be dismissed entirely from the franchise with absolutely no impact.