#there are tons and TONS of reasons you could have poor circulation

[loz-tearsofahomo]

When will people online but especially on TikTok accept there are and may be a myriad of reasons for disrupted functions and not all of them are can or should be sensationalized.

People believe SO much (especially cherry picked) information with no critical thoughts whatsoever, people can and WILL twist things (both on accident or on purpose) especially if its someplace where little to no accountability can be placed (aka online) !

ANYWAYS PSA DONT BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU SEE ONLINE!! IM BEGGING YOU!! PLEASE QUESTION WHO AND WHAT YOU TRUST!!! PLEASE APPLY CRITICAL THINKING!!

Digital literacy skills are so so important.

[kimchae-won]

5 Simple Exercises You Can Do To Kick-Start Your Fitness Journey

Many people would like to start exercising regularly and increasing their physical activity, but occasionally they could feel intimidated by trained fitness professionals, competitive athletes, or other gym goers. They could believe that there is no use in exercising today if they haven't lifted a dumbbell in the previous 25 to 30 years. You might not be able to become the person you want to be because of this poor attitude! Remember it is natural to have some anxiety while you are still getting the hang of things.

The fitness industry makes things extremely easy. It won't matter that your parents weren't the fittest people in the world, that your grandparents didn't exercise, or that you've never set foot inside a gym before once you become addicted to it. You will only change into a better version of yourself! Therefore, you may start doing basic things to increase your fitness level and help you unlock the athlete within you rather than allowing worry and fear to rule your life.

You may start off little and build a fitness schedule very quickly!

Even if your level of fitness isn't very high right now, there are a ton of easy physical activities you can undertake to benefit your body and elevate your mood. Start out simple and you'll quickly realize how much you have been missing! Here are a few enjoyable and straightforward activities you may incorporate into your everyday schedule.

Practice a little and you'll eventually see the benefits!

Even if your fitness level isn't great right now, you may still benefit your body and boost your mentality by doing a variety of modest physical activities. Begin with little steps and you'll quickly realize how much you've been missing out on! Here are a few fun and easy workouts to incorporate into your everyday routine.

EXERCISE 1 – Go for a brisk walk using the comfort of an athlete's sneakers

Yes, it is that easy. Walking can enhance your cardiovascular health and reduce your blood pressure, according to several studies and researchers. Start with 30 minutes of walking every day, but be sure you do it!

Even if you are not in the mood, are fatigued, or stressed, doing this will make you feel better and will become easier to accomplish in the long term.

EXERCISE 2 - Take the Stairs using dumbells

Keep in mind that this is a simple activity that we are concentrating on. How many times have you truly put this into practice, even though you may have heard it several times before? Choosing to climb the stairs over the elevator works your quadriceps and increases your heart rate. It is an easy but challenging exercise and toss in the dumbells as well. You'll feel proud of yourself if you do it as frequently as you can. Your fitness mindset will develop as a result, and you'll start to pay more attention to your body and what it's capable of.

EXERCISE # 3 – Do 10 squats

Begin with 10 squats every day. Make sure you're putting all of your weight into your heels and exhaling as you raise higher. This is yet another excellent aerobic exercise that can be performed anywhere! If it's raining outside and you can't go for a stroll perform those squats instead. There is no reason for you not to exercise!

EXERCISE # 4 – Do 20 jumping jacks with your workout headphones

Because this workout is so simple, you can do even more. You also don't have to jump too high; just an inch off the ground is sufficient. Do these first thing in the morning to get your circulation flowing throughout your body, and you've already laid the groundwork for a beautiful, productive day! If you have a greater degree of fitness, you may combine them with squats. You see, you don't have to go to the gym to work out; you can do it in the comfort of your own house.

EXERCISE # 5 - Do 10 pushups using pushup handles

Even though pushups are a little more physically taxing, you don't need to perform a thousand of them. Make careful you lower your chest to the ground and maintain a straight back. Pushups improve your upper body strength, cardiovascular endurance, and muscular definition. If these are challenging at first, consider doing your sets while kneeling on the ground.

I do hope you enjoy this quick read, and at least try to perform any exercise on this list. You can start in small amounts and then build up your strength and energy training. At the end of the day, you will at least get in some regular exercise to ensure a balance of healthy living.

For additional motivation and inspiration visit my store "Stay Inspire while Healing" https://beacons.ai/stayinspirewhilehealing

[yeluki]

WHY HAS @yeluki BEEN GONE?

tw:: mentions of depression, anxiety, not having enough money, being poor, poverty, heart attacks, aneurysms, severe health issues, hospitals, pills, car crashes, de4th, mentions of being arrested, charges, being paralyzed, drunk driving, robbing, blood, and drugs.

hey everyone. so, i know i disappeared for like, what- 2 months or so? i haven't been posting, been active, or really been doing anything. i know, and i'm sorry. i have tons of ideas for headcanons and scenarios that will be released in due time, but i'm in no rush.

in return for my abrupt absence and lack of any sort of communication, please allow me to explain my main reasons.

lets begin with the subject of my mother. my mother is an extraordinarily important figure in my life; she is by far the most important woman to me. she is everything to me. however, there is a great chance that i could loose her. forever. if you know what coronary arteries are, then it'll be easier for you to understand this. basically, your coronary arteries are the arterial blood vessels of coronary circulation, which transport oxygenated blood to the heart muscle. (i just took the definition from google.) typical, healthy coronary arteries are smooth and slick, however, my mother's are scraggly and bumpy. they're also filled with blood clots. some of the bumps on her arteries are beginning to grow, and if even the tiniest one pops, boom- de4d. my mother has also had a heart attack before (to make matters worse, she was pregnant with my little sister when she had it). she said after she experienced it that she had felt the same pain three times before, years before- and her doctors think that she's actually had multiple. one more HA, and boom- gone. my mother is also on blood thinner- but if something happens and a family member isn't with her, the paramedics won't know. why is this super important? because even if my mother isn't bleeding on the outside, she could still be bleeding on the inside. pretty scary. the issue with this is that, my father works. my sister and i both go to school. i can't be with her all the time. so what if she gets into an accident and i'm not there with her? who's gonna be there to tell the paramedics about her meds? yea- that's only one issue of mine.

next up, money money money. basically, my family is poor. yay. there was also a car crash in my town where a high school girl was killed, another one is now paralyzed from the neck down, and the guy driving is being charged with manslaughter, drunk driving, and like two other things. whatever. there was a guy who robbed a store next to my house looking for drugs, and my baby sister is growing up and drifting away from me. </3

im also going on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds, which is great for a chick who has a fear of swallowing pills. yahoo.

i've got friend drama, boy drama, sexuality and gender drama, isecurity, and so much more. ugh i hate my life

anyways,, but my life's great so how are y'all? <333

[plantanarchy]

Are there any varieties of poinsettia that don't require tons of specialized care to stay healthy???

I assume you mean in a greenhouse setting and not your home and I will say... lol no. The reason for that is basically that the poinsettia growing season is much longer than most other horticulture plants so they have ample opportunity to pick up every single pest and disease throughout their lives and blooming is inherently very stressful for the plants, made more stressful because they are really going through it as it starts getting colder and darker.

Poinsettia growing starts in midsummer so they also have to deal with potentially being overheated or burned or dehydrated through the hottest parts of summer... They require a lower pH growing medium/water and will develop nutrients deficiencies if the pH is too high. They also require higher amounts of magnesium and molybdenum than other greenhouse plants so require a special fertilizer. Whitefly are pretty much an inevitable poinsettia pest the whole dang time.

Botyrtis affects the leaves in poor circulation/cooler temps, and all flavors of root and stem rot can strike if the soil is too wet and too cold... or too hot and too dry!!! Pythium, phytophera, fusarium, etc etc. We do several fungicide drenches to help prevent this and are constantly monitoring. It can be VERY subtle and happen quickly. Like this poinsettia? I thought it looked slightly just off, more yellow, more droopy than the rest, still wet after not being watered for two days and so I checked. Complete root rot. Not a single viable root.

Too much ventilation and the plant will dry out too quickly and on finished plants you could get bract burn, not enough and you get fungus and other diseases. Grow them too close together and you get awkward stretching. Too cool and color doesn't develop. Too warm and color doesn't develop. Light pollution, even from passing headlights, flashlight use, Christmas lights, and color doesnt develop.

They shed bottom yellow leaves continually and have to be cleaned by hand. They are very fragile and have to be watered and handled very carefully or they will break whole branches.

They are little nightmares who are ready to die at any moment for any reason. But also, there are some varieties that are tougher than others and some that are more prone to dying than others. Usually because they are less tolerant of certain conditions.

[justaratswriting]

Batfam and Mental Health

orOkay so I love Batman and all the things surrounding it. Like the idea of a random rich man who happens to be an orphan just suddenly adopting a ton of children is ridiculous, and thoroughly entertaining.

But I am also a big fan of psychology, and learning about the mind. So mental illness and related things are fascinating to me. 

I notice that like strangely there is very little stuff about the batfam having mental illnesses or dealing with psychology or therapy. Don’t get me wrong there is still a lot addressing these things, but still with the things the family experiences you would think it would be a lot more prevalent in the writing about them, and especially fan fiction about them.

Like I think showing mental health through  beloved characters would be really cool and could be a tool to destigmatize them. Like showing hero's with them would make really great representation, people could see them and think Oh I can still be a good person and helpful even if my mental disorder makes it hard and for things like depression or ADHD showing which misconceptions are harmful and don’t work. 

I can also see this in the physical aspect, like I wish a hero would have something like chronic pain or one of the many invisible illnesses. To give representation and show how pushing through the pain can shut a person down for days. 

The specific disorders I think would be really interesting of the top of my head is, depression, Anxiety, POTS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic pain, eating disorders, nerve damage, ADHD, Bipolar, OCD, Chronic fatigue, PTSD, c-PTSD, Autism, Elhers Danlos syndrome, And the one I really think would be interesting DID. 

Like fore depression, showing how hard it is to get out of bed. Not showing constantly being sad but showing how it can be numbing. Acknowledging that in a disorder like this logic doesn’t always win even if you are the most logical person to live. 

For anxiety showing how debilitating it can be. Looking into their minds to show the thought process, the mind fight itself and logic. Knowing their fears are unreasonable but not being able to shake the feeling. Show how for different people different things cause anxiety. 

POTS or Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, (super simply put it is a circulation disorder where upon standing up blood rushes to extremities and can cause all sorts of problems like fainting, pain in your feet, Dizziness, poor temperature regulation, etc. Also I am assuming people know what depression and anxiety is.) would be fascinating to me. Like having a hero that is constantly sitting down or biting down and pushing through the pain even a hero that has to slowly stand up. So in the middle of a battle being shoved down having to slowly stand up or risk fainting or vision completely blacking out for a while. Showing a hero who has learned to fight with no sight because of that very thing. 

Or Fibromyalgia (This one I am a little less educated about but from what I understand, it is a disorder characterized by muscle pain and tenderness usually with no known cause, so from what I understand it usually is diagnosed after a ton of other disorders are eliminated and the pain is still occurring, often also has affect on sleep and memory/mood.) Like showing a hero having a particularly hard patrol and having to take a couple days off and constantly going places or trying things to help with the pain. 

Or Chronic pain ( from what I understand the main difference between Fibromyalgia and Chronic pain is chronic pain has to do with the nerves and Fibromyalgia has to do with muscles, also Fibromyalgia has other thins to go with it like energy levels and mental functions so memory/mood.) Like a hero having constant pain even if they didn’t have a big fight, maybe showing them icing, heating, or taking pain meds and the rest of the family or team being super confused as to why. Before they know showing them freak out and worry that they went on a mission without telling anyone. Showing how it is a constant battle, that sometimes treatments will work and other times, for seemingly no reason they won’t. 

I would also like to see eating disorders portrayed by the bat family. Showing how it’s not always a conscious choice, sometimes it is more along the lines of choosing something else over eating. Showing how people can use it for control or to punish themselves. Letting there be a male example, reminding people that they can happen to anyone. Allowing people to have representation. Show a recovery, how it is not impossible for anyone but not down playing how hard it is. It is a true and hard fight, and show how it can sneak up on you and drag you back. Not just one easy recovery, that recovery is a choice. You have to want it but you also need help, it is a long hard process and accessibility is everything. Show a family member making them food, show them sometimes eating it and others not. Also don’t only show under eating show how people can’t stop themselves from eating. Having cabinets locked to keep people out, for their own safety. 

Or nerve damage, showing how years of their work and fighting can really mess someone up. Show someone suddenly losing all feeling or sensation in certain parts of their body or constant pain or even pinched nerves. Show how confusing it can be to not know what you are feeling. Show how weird it can be when you realize you are fine or that nothing is touching you or taking it in the opposite direction and not realizing you are hurt or someone is trying to be your attention. I would also love to see the batfam explain any of these injuries to the hero community or to the public. Maybe show the hero community really starting to look into mental and general health services. 

ADHD or also ADD, showing how people can use it but also showing how hard it can be to control and fight. How much it can impede focusing and show situations it can put people in. Show a hero forgetting a huge part of their plan and falling but because of some random information from a hyper focus they still save the day. 

Bipolar, showing the wild swings and how confusing it can be. Feeling like a different person, struggling with identity and their own decisions. Show them accidently pushing people away but also how hard they work to maintain family and friends that despite how unpredictable they can be their friends still stick around. Or if their friends can’t handle it show them peacefully and respectfully stepping out of their life. Show how hard that can be to except but that the future can end up better than you could ever hope. 

OCD is really one I wish we saw in the hero's. Show their routines and things they do. Show the thought process, like if I don’t properly put the dishes away in fourteen seconds the joker will escape arkham. Show how terrifying the thoughts can be, but show how detail oriented it can make people and the beautiful art and amazing work that they can do. Show a person putting them selves at risk to comply with their routine. Like ignoring injuries to write a report. Show them and family or friends working to change the routine. Show how hard it is the moments they want to turn back and continue and how much they want to stop but show them not giving up and making the differences they want. Show them accomplishing things, show their compulsions actually keeping them safe.

Or even chronic fatigue, Show the fight each morning. Them saving energy, the disconnect between how exhausted you are mentally vs. physically. Show a hero that 50% of the time physically is too exhausted to be in the field so they offer technical support. Show a hero crashing, suddenly just not having enough energy to finish patrol or even get home. So someone has to come pick them up. Show them getting stuck in a fight and how hard it can be to do anything much less a fight. 

Let the characters have PTSD or c-PTSD, show flashbacks and being stuck in your head. All of the bat family has lived through horrors please show it affecting them. Show how they get help how they work through it show what can happen and how bad it can get if it is unaddressed.  

Show them having autism and how it is just a different way of life that there is nothing inherently wrong with it and how the ignorance that surrounds it and similar disorders can hurt and affect people. Show how it can be simple things that can show it or affect it. Try and look at it from their perspective and what things happen that should not just because they way someone is. 

Elhers Danlos syndrome, show the pain, the misdiagnosis, the process, the fight. Show how disabilities like this and several others including ones I have mentioned can cause a person to need medical equipment such as wheelchairs and braces. Show how not everyone using a wheelchair can’t walk. Show how limiting it can be and the precautions you have to take but don’t make everything about how hard it can be. Show how using a Wheelchair while not ideal can open up so many opportunities. Show them actually being able to go on family vacations and amusement parks because they have a wheelchair. Show how important it is to have ramps and accommodations for similar things so people can participate and so people can actually go places they want. Always show how hard people with disabilities and such work. Show them trying to get treatment and trying new treatments show how it isn’t as simple as getting a knee brace or two. 

And finally coming to one that absolutely fascinates me, DID or Dissociative Identity Disorder formerly known as multiple personality disorder. But don’t do this one completely uneducated, it is already a very stigmatized disorder. Show how Alters communicate. Show how they all work together and that they were made so the body and mind could survive. Make full characters just put them in one body. Show the confusion once they find out, show them slowly realizing and learning signs and what happened to them. Show each of the Alters having different friends and maybe understanding and knowing the family different. Show the different reasons and setups systems can have. Show system responsibility and each Alter working on themselves and to make a life for the system. Show the roles Alters will take. Show the horrible process of fragmenting and what things can cause it but also show healing and people supporting and accepting systems. 

Overall showing good parts of all the struggles people can have but not ignoring how hard they can be or glorifying them to people who don’t understand. Showing misconceptions and how support can affect these disorders. And most important in my mind, giving hope and a future to look forward to for the people with these disorders.

[icasttourniquet]

Common Misconceptions: Raising the Dead (CPR)

Let's start with the bad news: basically all the CPR you've seen in movies and TV shows is performed terribly.

Here's the good news: most CPR is performed on dead patients, which means even bad CPR is better than nothing.

What is CPR?

CPR stands for (googles hurriedly) Cardio-Pumonary Resuscitation. It has two parts: 1) chest compressions and 2) rescue breaths. Here's a video in case you're still confused, but most people have seen CPR performed a ton of times during the climaxes of medical shows. It comes right before either a) the nurse yells "Clear!" and the patient comes back to life or b) the EMT says "I'm not losing you" and injects the patient with adrenaline right to the heart, and then they come back to life.

Raising the Dead

CPR is generally performed on dead patients. That is, patients without a pulse. In the first responder business, the situation doesn't really get worse than dead, so it provides a unique opportunity for authors because you can't really get it wrong.

Here are some questions I've heard people ask while learning CPR:

Should I perform CPR on pulse-less patients who have chest wounds?

Can I continue performing CPR if I break a rib?

Should I perform CPR on pregnant people?

What if I can't give rescue breaths? Should I still give CPR?

My patient has a lot of broken limbs. Should I fix those before performing CPR?

My patient was electrocuted. Should I give CPR?

Here's the trick to answering all your CPR questions. Is my character dead (no pulse)? Does performing CPR put a) the first responder, b) another patient, or c) a bystander in danger?

If you can answer (yes) (no, no, no), congratulations! Your first responder can perform CPR, even really crappy CPR, even CPR that is ineffective, for as long as the plot requires (ModN's WFR instructor tells the story of a 6-hour CPR session on a dead patient during a journey to care that included a toboggan ride).

(NOTE: there's actually one solid contraindication: if the patient is severely hypothermic, their heart rate may be so slow and weak as to be undetectable. In this case (and pretty much only this case) chest compressions may actually do more harm than good. Other than that, obvious signs of death like decapitation or rigor mortis indicate you don't need to start resuscitation, but there are still plenty of compelling interpersonal reasons to do it – at that point you're doing CPR for the responder and survivors rather than the patient.)

Otherwise, your character should go for it!

The bad news about CPR

Time for the bad news (other than you having a dead character on your hands). In general,* CPR is not enough to bring someone back. Its role is to continue circulating oxygenated blood while you wait for a defibrillator like an AED to arrive. The AED or manual defibrillator is what actually convinces the heart to stop fluttering/beating erratically, and allows it to resume something like a normal rhythm. That means that in the wilderness, CPR is almost never going to work. That said, ModN's WFR instructors had a couple tales of AEDs falling from the sky (via helicopter, not under their own power), so it's worth trying regardless.

* The exception: lightning-struck patients can at times restart regular rhythms with just chest compressions. This leads to interesting triage considerations when dealing with the aftermath of lightning, but that's a subject for another post.

How to perform non-crappy CPR

There are a million videos on YouTube that can talk you through every sort of CPR. Keeping in mind, of course, that some CPR is better than nothing on a pulseless patient, here are some quick tips that could indicate your character has some training:

Your character distinguishes between adult and pediatric CPR. Because children don't tend to get heart attacks, pulse-less children almost always have a trauma or respiratory cause. This means responders give children more rescue breaths.

Your character keeps their elbows locked. Here's a playlist of some examples of bad CPR (and some are really quite bad). Actors generally can't lock their elbows because they'd risk injuring or even killing their scene partner (so, okay, fine, that's a decent excuse), but people with real training will know better.

They do not always give rescue breaths. Any CPR is better than no CPR. Rescue breaths can put the first responder at risk because they can involve lip-to-lip contact, assuming no PPE is available. I once had a paramedic say bluntly that he really only gives breaths to children—it's just not worth the risk to him for anyone else. If this sounds callous, remember, CPR is (almost) only performed on dead patients, and the number one priority in any disaster is yourself.

(ModN edit: in a professional setting your character will always have some sort of PPE for rescue breaths: a face shield at the minimum, or in the front country a full-blown bag valve mask (BVM) that allows them to use their hands to get air into the patient.)

Your character does a blood sweep before staring CPR in a trauma injury. You may have heard the rule no pulse = chest compressions immediately. This is almost always true, especially in the frontcountry, when most pulse-less patients you encounter will have had a heart attack. However, in the wilderness, we can run into a bad situation: chest compressions that pump all my patient's blood out the gushing wound in their side.

Maybe you're thinking, hey! I thought you said my character could always do CPR on a dead patient and they'd be fine! And yes, I did say that—thank you for listening. If your character performs CPR on a patient with no pulse and arterial wound, they have not killed their patient. This is because the patient was already dead. They have not "sped up" the bleeding out process because this patient has basically already bled out. So, I'm not blaming your character for anything.

That said, the pro-est of pros will do a blood sweep after finding no pulse and stuff/apply direct pressure/tourniquet as necessary. As an added note, your character with no pulse and the arterial bleed? Probably not going to survive.

This leads me to...

Writing more realistic necromancy

If your character's CPR is successful, your character has just raised the dead. Thinking about it this way can help you write more realistic resuscitation scenes. Here's the number one thing that will make all your CPR more realistic:

Your dead patient does not go from dead to walking and talking in a few seconds.

When the body has no pulse for a while, it gets unhappy. This is because all its internal organs are dying and also because it is dead. CPR replicates the pumping of a heart, but not particularly well. Most people whose organs are all dying don't get that shot of adrenaline to the heart (this is not part of any WFR or EMT protocol but whatever) and then go back to swashbuckling adventure after a quick sip of water.

In fact, in real life, checking the pulse of your patient is an important part of performing CPR because sometimes they come back to life and you don't notice.

So how might you accurately describe someone who's just come back from the dead via CPR (possibly plus defibrillation)? May I recommend some of the following words (no need to cite me—just plop 'em in your writing):

Unconscious

Unmoving

Pale

Clammy

Weak pulse

Non-responsive to pain

Not dead!!!

An added point: absolutely no one whose heart stopped is now "okay" because their heart restarted. They are "not dead" because their heart restarted. Admitedly, not dead is pretty good in the first response business, but they need to see a doctor. As soon as possible. This is because something caused the heart to stop and CPR did not treat that underlying cause. Many people who come back from the dead die again soon after, and could come back and die multiple times before picking a state more permanantly.

Wilderness-Specific CPR

In the wilderness, we have get one (1) special CPR-related ability and that is the ability to stop.

In the US, there's a thing called patient abandonment that can get folks in trouble. Basically, if you start treating a patient, you need to keep treating them until 1) they are dead, 2) they are conscious enough to refuse further treatment and do so, or 3) someone else with an equivalent or higher level of training is treating them (ModN: as a W-EMT this is tricky – it's hard to find people more qualified in the wilderness to hand a patient off to!).

Because WFRs and EMTs cannot declare patients dead, and a dead or unconscious patient cannot refuse treatment, that means you are treating them until someone else is treating them. (As a side note, my first first-aid instructor told the story of performing CPR for 30 minutes in an ambulance on a patient missing part of his brain [this is bad] because the police officer at the scene didn't want to declare him dead on the highway, which would mean shutting down the road for a few hours).

CPR is unique, however, because it's performed on dead patients. The law doesn't want a poor WFR to be stuck in an endless CPR loop because they can't abandon their patient, so in the wilderness only, your character can stop CPR:

After 30 minutes of sustained pulselessness.

If another patient needs more help.

If continuing is dangerous to self or others.

Otherwise, backcountry and frontcountry CPR are pretty similar.

Summary

CPR is generally performed on dead people.

It is difficult to get worse than dead.

Garbage CPR is better than no CPR.

Recovering from being dead takes time and always warrants more care.

WFRs have a superpower and it is called stopping CPR.

Good luck raising your characters from the dead!

[themonotonysyndrome]

The Holy Quintet in Twisted Wonderland! (all 7 dorms - Part 3)

This is Sayaka’s reaction to the other dorms! Apologies for the delay. RL and work are starting to get real hectic again. Also, a big shoutout to @lionheartanotheraccount​ for brainstorming with me over at Discord and help me out a lot at fleshing this crossover. If any of you guys want to just talk and have fun about this crossover series, I’m more than happy to talk over at Discord!

Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed Sayaka’s reaction! 

-

Miki Sayaka & the other dorms (except Heartslabyul)

SAVANACLAW!

Sometimes when the gang needed to lay-low from Riddle’s anger, Sayaka, Ace and Deuce would hang out at the Savanaclaw dorm until curfew. Or until Cater and Trey come to pick them if they’re too loud and rowdy that Leona had to call the Heartslabyul seniors to deal with them. 

Kyouko lets them chill in her room only if each of them bring a tribute (food or drinks) for her and then the four of them would spend hours playing and goofing off. 

Jack would join them after his workouts or if he doesn’t have to help Ruggie attend Leona. The wolf boy helps restrain the four of them from doing anything too stupid or crazy most of the time (and if he can’t, he’ll begrudgingly help hide the evidences).

Sayaka’s personal favourite place to hang out at the Savanaclaw dorm is their lounge because of the small waterfall and pool of water, with some greeneries and tall cool shades scattered around. Perfect to laze about after a hard day of classes.

At first, the Savanaclaw students that often hang around the lounge felt restless at having an interloper intruding their territory. It’s only after Sayaka learn to be respectful and know her place as an outsider that they were comfortable with her. It helps that the boys of Savanaclaw dorm know just how close the Heartslabyul Knight is to their Savanaclaw Brawler. 

Sayaka is just tomboyish enough that she reminds Jack of his littlest sister. Small yet always hard-working and spunky. Always trying her best, whether in classes or her magical training. Jack admires her for that. 

Ruggie knows that nothing but shenanigans await him whenever he sees Sayaka bring Ace and Deuce to Kyouko. He finds her knight-like personalities amusing as more often than not, she seems to attract trouble. But after seeing her swordmanship and how she uses the water around her to fight, Ruggie suppose she’s often get out of trouble easily as she got into them. He could only hope that she won’t join Kyouko in trashing their stadium. Kyouko alone does tons of damage during her fits of anger.

Loud and noisy herbivore. That’s what Leona think of Sayaka. Sure she’s cute and all and could hold her ground against Kyouko (and probably a few of the Savanaclaw students to boot) in a fight, but the moment she starts sprouting her reason for fighting (to fight for the weak, for justice and etc), Leona just tunes her out. 

When he laid it to her of the old and true principle of the wild - how the strong would always devour the weak - Sayaka’s reaction took him by surprise. He thought that the girl would bristle, argued back, but she was genuinely stunned before smiling fondly.

“Ne, I thought you were kinda of a jerk, Kingscholar-senpai. Always bully Bucchi-senpai, making him run after you. But you know what? I think I want to get to know you a lot more! So let’s hang out, Kingscholar-senpai!”

That... that did not go what Leona thought their conversation would.

From that day onwards, Sayaka would ‘annoyed’ Leona whenever she sees him. Calling and waving at him from across the courtyard, sitting beside him in the greenhouse when he’s trying to nap and etc. The best part is, no matter how hard Leona tries to chase her away, she would run with a stupid and happy grin on her face and come back the next day. Ruggie snickers but there was nothing that they could do about it. 

In the end, Leona just lets her do whatever she wants. Just don’t bother him while he’s napping.   

(Oh Leona, Kyouko sprout the same bullshit to Sayaka when they first met. And look where they are now! So be prepared to be tackled by a rumbustious Sayaka from now).

(Now Sayaka and Cheka will do their best to smother our poor lion boi with hugs. Leona does not appreciate this).   

OCTAVINELLE!

The students that captivated Sayaka the most at NRC are actually those from Octavinelle. Her eyes shine in awe and delight when she saw a group of mermen for the first time ever during Swim practise.

(At this point, each girls already joined a club and for some reason that she couldn’t explain, Sayaka was drawn to the Swimming Club. That’s where she meet many Octavinelle students).

The way how they transform from human to their true form as soon as they hit the pool took her breath away. Their beautiful tails mesmerised her as they swim laps around the large pool. 

(Homura looks constipated whenever Sayaka gushes about mermaids and etc, but Sayaka knows better than to ask what’s her deal is. She knows that the other girl would just shut her mouth if she asked anyway).  

Despite her Heartslabyul seniors warned her about the Dorm Leader and Vice Dorm Leader of Octavinelle (and a wild twin brother), Sayaka really wanted to see the inside of Octavinelle. She heard that their dorm is actually underwater!

She tried befriending some Octavinelle students, but with Ace and Deuce constantly at her sides, they tend to make a fuss or push them away; so what if the Octavinelle students can breathe underwater. They’re a lot cooler!

(Yes, these dumbasses would be jealous that Sayaka would want to befriend other boys not from their circle of first-year friends).  

Her club members find her fascination with them adorable. She’s earnest with her questions, eager to learn about their cultures and the feelings would soon turn mutual. 

At first, when Sayaka proved to not only them and herself that she could easily keep up with them underwater even when they’re in their true form, the Octavinelle students were surprised.  

Slowly, Sayaka and the rest of the club members discover that she can also breathe underwater without the use of a potion when they were going through multiple laps in the pool! The guys were very eager to help her discover what else she could she do that involves water. Nessless to day that Sayaka is having a lot of fun in her club. 

As her club members help her discover the extent of what her magic could do, rumours began to circulating around NRC that one of the girls is actually a mermaid. Heck, she could even fight using her swords underwater without a problem! The rumours soon reach the mermafia. 

It was easy to figured out which girl that everyone is talking about since only one of them are in the Swimming Club. 

Azul wanted to know if Sayaka’s Unique Magic involves the sea and water and if she could actually transform into a mermaid without using a potion. Perhaps that’s her Unique Magic. So he sends out the Leech Twins to befriend her. 

Jade and Floyd approach her in the cafeteria while she was having lunch with Ace and Deuce. The two boys were immediately on guard when they sat down and boxed Sayaka between them. Jade broke the ice by telling her that they’re merfolks and heard her interest in learning more about life under the sea and the cultures of merfolks; he’s happy to teach her all he knows. Floyd sweeten his twin brother’s offer by inviting her to the Coral Sea so they could show her around. Sayaka didn’t hesitate to accept their offer, despite Ace and Deuce strongly tells her not to.

One day after they made the offer, the Leech Twins invite Sayaka to their dorm lounge where the three of them talk for hours (Sayaka it at awe over the decor of the dorm). Eventually, Azul join in on the conversation. Don’t worry, Ace and Deuce are there with her. Honestly, they grow bored of the conversation after 15 minutes, but they remain and did not interrrupt because Sayaka was having fun learning about the merfolks. 

When they exhaust the conversation, Azul explains with a welcoming smile that now they indulge in her curiosity and questions, would Sayaka please do the same for them? It’s fair, after all. 

It is only fair, Sayaka thinks. The guys have been very patience with her inquiries and Jade even made sure to always supply them with snacks and drinks throughout their conversation, so sure! Ask away!

They let Floyd ask first: this boy wanted to know if he and Sayaka can have a swimming race. Winner can squeeze the loser as long as they want. Thinking that squeeze = friendly hugs, Sayaka easily agreed.

The mermafia started off by asking easy questions first; what is her world like? Doesn’t it have creatures other than humans? Then they will start asking her about her life as a Magical Girl: How did she become a Magical Girl? Oh, she made a wish and for it to be granted, she needed to be a Magical Girl and fight Witches? That sounds interesting! Do tell them more. 

It’s Ace who actually felt uncomfortable with Sayaka telling the mermafia about her magic and stuff. So while the mermafia and her are busy talking, Ace texted Kyouko. He told her where they are right now and what they were doing. 

Sayaka was just about to explain what she knows about Soul Gems (and thank goodness that it isn’t a lot), when Kyouko suddenly calls her. She put her phone on mute and was about to continue with the conversation, but Kyouko insist in blowing up her phone until she picks up her call. 

The mermafia could do nothing but wait for Sayaka to wrap up her call. Kyouko call and ask her and Adeuce to meet up with her at Savanaclaw. Right now. It’s important. 

So with a heavy heart, Sayaka informed the mermafia that they have to go now. If they linger, Kyouko would definitely come to Octavinelle dorm. Azul knows that the Savanaclaw Brawler must’ve caught wind that Sayaka is with them right now so is trying to interfere. So he has to begrudgingly let her and her friend go, but he wasn’t too upset. Since they already became friends and establish a good rapport with her, Azul is certain that he can always ask her about her magic next time. Maybe when she’s alone. 

SCARABIA! 

After a particularly gruelling exam, Sayaka is in need for some serious heavy-duty distraction from stressing out over her grades and results. No matter how much Madoka tried to console her, Sayaka just can’t turn her anxiety off.  

So Kalim’s invitation to his upcoming party come just at the right time! Not only that, he also invited all of her friends too so she’s looking forward to having fun with everyone. 

(She’s not looking forward to mingled with Homura, though. She knows that the other girl would be there since the party will be at Scarabia but she’s not going to let Homura spoil her fun).

Sayaka is just giddy with excitement until the day of the party finally arrives. When she, Ace and Deuce appear at Scarabia for the first time, it takes them some time to get used to the hot weather and wind. Her eyes widen when nearly everyone in NRC have come for the party!

Madoka came with her Diasomnia group (she made sure to personally bring Kalim’s invitation and handed it to Malleus so he’s there with them. It’s hard to tell, but Malleus is very happy to be included for once). Kyouko with Leona, Ruggie and Jack (Leona got his ass up for once since Kalim’s feasts and banquets are something you can’t ever missed out on). Mami was accompined by the Pomefiore trio (Vil wants the first-year students to practise their etiquette and dining manners during parties and Rook never passed out on the opportunity to observe the Savanaclaw and Octavinelle students in a relaxed environment while their guards are down). 

Even the Heartslabyul seniors later made their appearance. Soon enough, Cater is fluttering about, taking pictures of the food and drinks, decoration, students dancing and roped many people in for his selfies. Trey is sampling desserts from the Land of Hot Sands with a thoughtful expression; probably planning to try baking new desserts later. Riddle is there at a much quitter corner, talking to Vil. Both of them are sipping on the local teas from the Land of Hot Sands. 

Food and drinks laden the tables in abundance. Music blared from everywhere, studens dance to the tune and their friends cheer them on. After having her fill of delicious food and sweet juice drinks, Sayaka couldn’t help but join in on the dance floor. 

Kalim later join in too and uses his Oasis Maker to shower them all. Sayaka dances and manipulate the water, unintentionally creating a water show. This excites Kalim and he dances along with her. it was a spectacular sight and everyone loved it. She and Kalim were a sight to behold! Cater is snapping pictures and recording their dance for the internet to see. 

The party continues to the evening but at this point, students are slowly trickling out; thanking Kalim and Jamil for such amazing party right after the exam. Looks like not just Sayaka needed something to melt the tension away. Madoka was the first one to leave with her dorm members (they’re planning to have a picnic in the morning and Sayaka and the rest are more than welcome to join), then it’s Kyouko with her Savanaclaw members (Leona sacrifice his nap for the party so he’s in some serious neep for some long hours of dozing) and soon after, Mami also left (the Pomefiore students need to head back to start their nightly skincare routine. Vil made sure none of his dorm students is left behind). 

Throughout the party, Homura did made herself known. She sticks close by to Madoka but otherwise didn’t join in on their conversation too much and let the pink-haired girl mingle around with the rest of the students. It was a surprise to Sayaka that Homura didn’t watch over Madoka lika a hawk. 

When Sayaka rejoin Ace and Deuce at the dining table, she spotted Homura talking to Kalim. Kalim had a big smile on his face but when she blinks, Homura vanishes and Kalim is left looking astound but then just scratch his head, clearly surprise that he’s suddenly is left standing alone. Sayaka would not stand for it. So she decide to eat later and console the Dorm Leader. 

“Hey, don’t be sad, alright Al-Asim-san? Homura can be a real jerk and leave you hanging just like that. Even after you invite her to your party, too...” 

“Eh?”

Kalim is suddenly taken aback at Sayaka’s harsh words. He wasn’t expecting for Sayaka to walk up to him like that. 

Sayaka was actually trying to comfort Kalim but what she didn’t realise is that she nonchalantly and absentmindedly bad mouthed Homura in the process. And this was something that displeased Kalim.

Kalim then interrupted her; a rare frown on his face. He didn’t raise his voice, but ask Sayaka to stop insulting Homura. Before Sayaka could recover from her shock, Kalim went on to tell her that Homura is actually a nice girl but is having trouble expression herself and that there’s more to her than what she shows. While Kalim is on a tirade, clearly defensive over his dorm mate, Sayaka didn’t expect for him to feel so strongly over her. 

Kalim explains that Homura actually help them out a lot in the kitchen and other preparations for the party. She even uses her magic to cut the entire process short, so the other Scarabia students wouldn’t have to spend so much time getting ready. Kalim readily admitted that he doesn’t exactly know how she does it, but the fact that she help Jamil and the rest without even asked already tells him everything he needs about her and to Kalim? That’s enough. And beside, she had came up to him to be excuse before vanshing.  

Jamil smoothly join them (he was lingering nearby, instructing the other Scarabia students to begin cleaning up when he saw Kalim’s frown and that set him on alert) and addressed Kalim first. There was still some leftover food in the kitchen and he needs him to decide whether they put them away in the pantry or wrapped up the food to give them to the other dorms as gifts. Kalim snap to attention, smiling once more and went off to do as Jamil told him to. His previous frown already gone. 

After the Dorm Leader left, Jamil broke Sayaka out of her stupor. Quietly, he made it clear whatever beef Sayaka has with Homura is none of his business. But as a Vice Dorm Leader and as someone who knows how it feel to be judge by ignorant people just because of their Unique Magic, Jamil chatise Sayaka for being being ignorant. One that he wouldn’t tolerate if she was his friend. If Sayaka treated him like how she treats Homura, then he will make sure that Sayaka will regret it and that she should be thankful that Homura is not like him. And with that, he left the girl alone with her thoughts. 

Sayaka shivers at Jamil’s threat. His words plant the seed of doubts in her. Is Homura truly more than she seems? She’s silent when Riddle called for his dorm mates to follow him back to their place and throughout the night, Sayaka found herself unable to sleep because of what just happened.

All in all, the Scarabia duo intrigued her. Kalim and Jamil relationship dynamic is an odd one (Sayaka could see the similarity to Homura and Madoka friendship and that just weirded her out) but since Kalim harbour no ill feelings towards Sayaka after the party and Sayaka made sure to apologise to him for bad mouthing his dorm mate, these two actually get along. She, Kalim and Silver are the airheaded trio, much to the exasperation of Jamil. 

Jamil does not consider Sayaka a friend, but tolerates her presence whenever she’s around Kalim and Sayaka is alright with that. She doesn’t think she could ever truly get used to someone like him and Homura. However, Jamil’s words (and threat) made her see Homura in a different light from that day onwards. Their relationship is still cold but her suspicion on Homura is lessen.     

Kalim thinks that Sayaka is a kind hearted and amazing girl. He really enjoys dancing with her and despite how she insulted Homura, Kalim knew that she was just thinking of him. Wanting to make him feel better. It’s just a simple misunderstanding that’s all.     

POMEFIORE!

Sayaka has no idea what she had unleash when she dances with Kalim under the shower of Oasis Maker during his party. 

Not only did she and Kalim gain instant popularity in the world of the internet and wowed the students that attended the party with their watershow, their dance remain in the thoughts of a particular Dorm Leader who was looking for inspirations for his next fashion show. 

So a few days after the party, Vil instruct Rook to capture Sayaka and bring her to him. Rook happily comply for his Queen. 

It’s a Sunday afternoon and Sayaka - along with a couple of Heartslabyul NPCs - are tasked with trimming the rose hedges in the maze. Ace and Deuce had their own chores to do for the day with feeding the colourful hedgehogs and pink flamingoes. 

(Even from the rose maze, Sayaka could hear Ace and Deuce shrieking from the distance and decided that nope. Not her problem this time.)

While she was doing the finishing touches and her dorm mates are watering the greenery, Rook suddenly pop out from behind the green wall she was attending. Needless to say that his sudden appearance made her scream. Hers are louder than Ace and Deuce’s. 

Rook simply smile in amusement at her reaction. While Sayaka is desperately trying to calm her frighten and racing heart, he tips his hat and introduces himself as Pomefiore’s Vice Dorm Leader and an extrodionary hunter. He also unabashedly added that he also sees himself as Mami’s older brother. 

That got Sayaka’s attention real quick. 

This Magical Girl wanted to know just what kind of person that Mami would look up to as her older brother. Prey now baited, Rook kept his smile and told her that if she’s curious about him - just as much as he is curious about her - why don’t she follow him to Pomefiore? 

(Oh Sayaka, you need to learn not to follow handsome boys to their place without knowing their true intentions. Ace and Deuce are gonna tear their hair out in frustration because of your ignorance).

When Sayaka agreed to follow him to Pomefiore since she’s done with her chores for the day, Rook decided to be a little extra. With a beaming smile, he scoop her up in his arms and chuckles when Sayaka immediately blushes. He ignored the other Heartslabyul students shouting at him to put their Knight down and leap off towards his dorm. 

Sayaka felt like she was being carried by a tornado - albeit a gentle, handsome and charming tornado - when he finally put her back onto the ground as soon as they’re inside of Pomefiore. Her blush remains when Rook asks her if she’s alright. Never before had a boy ever treated her as if she was a princess. She prays that her heart remain strong if all the boys in Pomefiore are as prince-like as Rook. 

“Ah, as expected of you Rook. You’ve brought Riddle’s Knight to me in perfect condition. Good job.”

“I always strive to live up to your expectation, my Roi de Poison”

 There, waiting for them at the dorm lounge is Vil and Mami. Mami smile and greeted Sayaka, but since this is the first time that Sayaka witness Vil in all his glory and dorm uniform, she could only gape at the sight of the most beautiful man that she has ever seen. 

Vil was not amused at her gawking like a goldfish, though he acknowledge and praise Sayaka for knowing true beauty when she sees one. While Sayaka is trying to recover from her blunder and flustered so adorably, he ushered her and Rook to join him at the couch. Mami patted the empty space beside her and Rook handed Sayaka a tea cup and Vil began to explain why he wanted her here. 

Ever since Mami shown her Magical Girl dress to him and more and more of her friends are coming over to Pomefiore, Vil has been itching to put the girls on the runway with him. 

(Vil didn’t notice it, but the word ‘runway’ nearly had Sayaka choke on her tea).

Vil continue to explain to both Sayaka and Mami that he had use his connections and contacted several well-known fashion designers and is preparing for this season fashion show, fully expecting to have the girls well trained to walk on the runway with him. 

Sayaka felt like dying in the inside when the Dorm Leader showed them his sketch book. He had drawn Sayaka and the rest of the girls in various style of dressess and poses. Absolute gorgeous dressess, but Sayaka had never worn something as fancy as them! 

She interrupted him, stating that despite her magical girl outfit, she’s a bit of a tomboy and is rough around the edges (her fighthing style can be as brutal as Kyouko’s) so she can’t possible pull off those dresses! 

Vil scoffed and told her that he would trained her and the girls on how to walk and pose like a model. By the time the fashion show arrive, Sayaka would be as graceful as Mami. 

Seeing Sayaka’s distress increasing, Mami suggest to give her some time to get used to Vil’s proposal as she had never done something like this before. It’s only natural that Sayaka is apprehensive of it. 

(Bless Mami for shielding Sayaka from Vil’s attention. Rook is just smiling to himself throughout the conversation).

Soon enough, the Dorm Leader and Vice Dorm Leader of Pomefiore left the girls alone as they need to attend to their duties. Sayaka thanked Mami for covering her. Despite how Vil appear to be completely otherworldly at their first meeting, Mami explain to Sayaka that although Vil can be quite harsh on them, all he wants is his dorm mates to be the best that they can be. Sayaka find that she couldn’t fault that kind of wish.

However, when Epel barged into the dorm lounge, angry that Vil demanded that he return to Pomefiore since he deemed that Epel had been spending too much time at Savanaclaw, he made it very clear to Sayaka how he feel about his Dorm Leader. 

At the end of the day, Sayaka decide that despite how beautiful the students of Pomefiore are, having someone as Vil and Rook running the place suddenly makes Sayaka glad that Riddle and Trey are her Dorm Leader and Vice Dorm Leader. Despite the many rules of Heartslabyul, at least Riddle appreciate her effort in trying to keep up with them. Even when she mucks up half of the time. 

After their proper meeting and observing her with her friends, Vil actually finds Sayaka’s idealistinc worldview troublesome. She’s naive, reckless and can be blunt (but at least she’s not at Kalim’s level so Vil thinks there’s hope for her to be brought down to reality without too much of a heartache). He also finds her pretty and firmly believes that he can push her to be beautiful and powerful. He likens her to an unpolished sapphire that oddly reminded Vil of the clearest blue sea and that hides horror underneath. 

Rook actually always wanted to fight against a knight. A match between a hunter and a knight; he always wonder who would win. Fortunately for him, Sayaka humours his request for the occasional spar and is delighted to find that her fighting style is completely different from Mami. While Mami dances as she fight, Sayaka is direct, brutal and loves to throw multiple swords at him. His keen eyes once spotted that when the tip of his arrow graze her cheek and a line of blood trickle down, he merely blink once and the cut completely vanishes. By the end of the fight, Rook suspect that Sayaka’s magic might actually might involve healing. He can’t wait to observe her! 

As for Epel, he gets along with her (since they’re all in the same gang despite coming from different dorms) and admire how she uses her sword to fight. Epel is just happy that Mami, Sayaka and Kyouko are willing to help him get stronger. 

IGNIHYDE!   

Sayaka was walking back to Heartslabyul once her classes were done for the day when she spotted someone skulking around the hallways. Now, normally she wouldn’t really notice a random student walking through the hallways but what caught her attention is that his hair was on fire!

This girl literally shriek, drop her books and bag on the floor and rush like mad to save this poor student. 

Poor Idia Shroud shriek like a banshee when someone tackled him from behind, the both of them tumble onto the floor. He was manhandled and turned around so he could face the student who suddenly tackled him. Immediately his face turn red when it’s one of Homura’s friend. Not only that, it’s the Heartslabyul Knight herself. Idia bemoan internally; he knew he shouldn’t step out of his room today!

“Don’t worry, senpai! I’ll save you!”

“W-What!? Oh, please - g-get off me!” 

Idia’s pitiful pleas fall on deaf ears, however. Sayaka is too busy glaring at the blue flames on this student’s head. She transform the ring on her finger into her Soul Gem and thrust it to Idia’s hair. The Dorm Leader could only yelp and gurgled when he’s suddenly being assaulted by a stream of rushing water, nearly drowning him. 

10 minutes later, the aftermath of Sayaka’s ‘rescue’ attempt left an unconscious and bald Idia. Well, for about 5 seconds before blue flames blazes his head again. Cue Sayaka thrusting her Sould Gem to the flames again but this time, she was suddenly haul up and away from the prone Idia by Trey and Cater.     

The two Heartslabyul seniors was at the right time and place to catch their junior suddenly high-tail away from the path to their dorm and towards Idia. Without hesitating or even questioning it, they quickly ran after her. It’s too bad that they weren’t quick enough to stop Sayaka from dousing Idia with water though. 

Sayaka blink when she was suddenly haul away from Idia like a cat. When she tilt her head up to see that it was Trey looking so done with everything, she quickly said, “Clover-senpai! Clover-senpai, you have to let me go! That student is in danger! His head is on fire!” 

Trey would’ve facepalm if he could. So instead, he patiently reply, “That’s actually his hair, Miki-chan. He never was in any danger.” Well, until you attacked him, but Trey is kind enough not to say that out loud. 

“Huh?” 

Despite the absurdity of the situation, Cater laugh and snap a quick selfie of himself and the unconscious and wet Idia before assuring Trey that he’ll take Idia to the infirmary. 

As Sayaka, Trey and the rest of the students who were there to witnessed the spectacle, watch Cater dragged poor Idia off, Sayaka began to feel bad. So bad that her eyes began to watered a little. 

“I... I didn’t know. I didn’t know, Clover-senpai! I thought he was hurt! I - ”

“Hey, hey, calm down Miki-chan. I know you meant well. Once Idia-san wake up, how about you go visit him and apologise, hmm?” 

Sayaka eagerly nodded, loudly promising that she will do that as soon as Idia wakes up. 

(To Trey, this is just like that time when Riddle Overblotted. Good God, is this girl gung-ho about helping people. He would need to sit down with Sayaka and try to talk to her into not jumping into conclusions first later. For the sake of the other students).

After that incident, poor Idia is a little afraid of Sayaka (despite how sincere her apologies are) even when Homura casually informed him that among them, Miki Sayaka is the weakest. Well, that day when she tackled him to the ground, it sure didn’t feel that she was weak!   

Sayaka felt so bad that she would constantly barge into Ignihyde and ask if there’s anything she could do for Idia. She didn’t judge his hermit-style of living; she’s just too focus in making up to the Dorm Leader. In the end, Idia had her run errands for him (buying snacks, help him pass his notes to teachers and etc) just to get her to leave him and his dorm alone. 

It took a long time for Idia to finally warm up to Sayaka. Her cheerful disposition is just too much for him to handle sometimes. 

Ortho share the same wariness over Sayaka like his older brother. All he knows about her is the student who attacked his dear, older brother after all. Sayaka has her work cut out for her before the Shroud Brother could be comfortable with her. 

As for Sayaka, after she patched up with the Shroud Brothers, she finds his hair actually amazing. Not only does she and Idia share the same hair coloured but his are actual flames! So cool! Maybe she can do the same too? 

(Riddle sternly dissuade her from turning her hair into flames. Lighting your hair with fire is against the rule).

DIASOMNIA!  

Sayaka’s first interaction with the Diasomnia gang is during Alchemy class. On that day, her partner is Sebek Zigvolt. 

Their partnership started out fine. As Divus made his round in the lab, Sayaka steadily stir the potion in their cauldron while Sebek grab the require ingredients from the shelves. Everything started off alright. 

Until a misunderstood occur. Sebek didn’t actually insulted Madoka’s shy and timid nature but his words can be quite harsh and Sayaka took it wrongly. So she stop stirring to confront of him, it quickly turn into an argument and voices were raised. With their voices raised, Sebek and Sayaka failed to hear Divus’ shout of warning. 

They were too late to react when the cauldron somehow growl and then exploded the liquid all over Sebek, Sayaka and several students who were nearby. The consequences were immediate. Sebek and Sayaka’s voices are swampped and so of those who were caught in the crossfire. 

Class was forced to end early because the professor had to check over the students that were doused by Sayaka and Sebek’s half-baked potion for any injuries or hamrful side effects. So far only their voices were swapped with their partners. 

Then it’s detention for the two of them while Divus now have to brew an antidote. 

(When words reach to their respective Dorm Leaders, Riddle was not amused that Sayaka landed herself in detention over something as silly as an argument and negligence. Though detention with Divus Crewel is enough of a punishment, so Riddle won’t punish her. Malleus just blink when Lilia told him that rigid and proper Sebek has detention because of an argument during his Alchemy class. It’s rare for Sebek to land himself in detention, so Malleus didn’t chatise him. Just told him to be careful next time. Cue Sebek crying in gratitude over his kind and wise lord. His crying woke Silver up from his nap). 

Even though she shouldn’t, Madoka felt a little guilty that her friends has detention because of her. Lilia was quick to assure their Fairy that it’s totally not her fault. Sayaka and Sebek just had a bit too much fun that’s all!

Despite their initial meeting, the two actually bonded during detention (as punishment, they had to go into the woods to gather some herbs, flowers and other ingredients for Divus to replace the ones that were lost during the explosion). 

Since Sebek is a lot more familiar with the floral and fauna of TW, Sayaka was more than OK at listening to his instructions and Sayaka surprised Sebek when she easily slice the sturdy tree barks that they needed with her sword. Slowly, the two learn more and more about each other. 

(They’re too proud to apologise to one another though). 

By the time they return to the Alchemy lab, hauling the ingredients behind their back, Sebek thought for a human, he can respect Sayaka as a fellow knight. He’s looking forward to crossing blades with her and he won’t hold anything back. As for Sayaka, she admires his devotion to his Dorm Leader and how couldn’t she, when he’s so passionate about serving him. 

Through Sebek, Sayaka was then introduce to Silver and Lilia. There was a pair of white rabbits that were nibbling on some flowers at the courtyard and Sayaka followed them to Silver who was napping underneath a tree nearby. One of the rabbits placed a flower near his hair. Sayaka then realise that small animals were resting alongside him. Wanting to play with the animals, Sayaka made sure to be as quiet as possible as she petted the rabbits and chipmunks. Luckily they didn’t screech or bite her. In fact, they seem to tolerate her. 

That’s how Lilia find them; Silver deeply asleep with Sayaka sitting beside him, happily amusing herself with the small animals that flocked to his son. Lilia surprised Sayaka by hanging upside down from the tree, thanking her for watching over Silver. Sayaka yelp but then blush; stammering out that she actually just wanted to play with the animals. Lilia smile and thanked her nonetheless. 

Silver woke up when he heard her yelp. He didn’t expect that Sayaka would also flocked to him apart from the animals. Again, Sayaka blushes and told the two to stop teasing her. This made Lilia cackle and Silver frown in confusion. Lilia invites her to their dorm if she wants to see Madoka and Sayaka jumps on the offer. It’s been a while since they hang out, just the two of them, and look, she even has some leftover macaroons that Trey handed to the first-year students of Heartslabyul this morning. 

Lilia enjoys being around Sayaka. She makes him feel younger; her youth, passion, sense of justice and etc. Lilia belives that she would grow to be an amazing woman in time. It’s also a good thing that their Fairy has someone like her as a good friend. She could definitely help boost Madoka’s self-esteem.

Silver doesn’t really have any problem with Sayaka. As a knight, he also asked if the two of them could spar sometime. Perhaps Sayaka could teach him how to combine his magic with his swordsmanship. She seems to be able to do it so effortlessly using water. 

Sayaka only meet Malleus through Madoka. She offer to help Madoka search for her Dorm Leader when Lilia informed them that the Dorm Leaders and Vice Dorm Leaders will be having a meeting with the headmaster and teachers in less than 3 hours and Malleus is nowhere to be found in Diasomnia. Since Silver and Sebek are in the middle of their class, Madoka volunteered to look for him and Sayaka joined her. 

It took them 2 hours to finally find Malleus wandering around the Ramshackle dorm. The moment Sayaka laid eyes on Malleus, she could sense his overwhelming presence and power. It’s made her hesitant. Seeing the wariness in her eyes, Malleus became dishearten. He had hoped that Madoka’s friends would be as fearless as her. 

Fortunately with Madoka there, she helps to introduce one another. She even pressed close to Sayaka’s side and whisper that Malleus is actually very gentle and kind. Don’t be scared of his height. Sayaka whisper back that it’s not his height that took her off guard, but she bravely step forward and gave Malleus her most sincere smile. 

This earn her a pleasantly surprise and fond smile from Malleus. When Madoka told him that he’s needed back at Diasomnia for a meeting, Malleus allows himself to be usher by these two girls. And what sight these 3 make! With Malleus in the middle and Sayaka and Madoka on his left and right, it feels almost Silver and Sebek are accompanying him. Plus, his ridiculously tall form dwarfed these tiny girls. 

He enjoy listening to them talking about mundane, daily things and appreciate that Sayaka would pull him into the conversation by asking about his opinions and hobbies. It was nice being with her. 

As for Sayaka, something in her finally vanishes when she personally witness just how attentive and gentle the Diasomnia gang treated Madoka. It makes her happy that her childhood friend is well looked after here.           

-

Alright! And we’re done with Sayaka’s part! Next is Mami! On a related note, I’ll be posting an announcement regarding updates to my TW’s works tomorrow. I think I needed to do it so those who sticked around for this series knows what’s up. 

[madmaudlingoes]

Sewing Your Own Face Mask (Or Wearing A Cloth Mask)

I’m gonna use this post to consolidate what I know about cloth face masks (making or wearing) because I am making myself crazy looking at different proposals and arguments and research. Under a cut so I can keep the post up-to-date without spreading misinfo.

Question: what’s the point of wearing a mask?

Masks of any kind do two things: prevent the wearer from inhaling germs, and prevent the wearer from exhaling germs.

Healthcare workers need masks that will prevent them from getting sick while they treat the sick: that’s why they’ve been desperate to collect N95 masks and face shields. If you’re not a healthcare worker, isolation and social distancing are better ways to avoid being exposed to germs than masking in public. Of course, not everybody can isolate right now -- people still gotta work, gotta buy groceries, gotta use public transit, etc. -- so going out in a mask is a decent compromise.

On the other hand, if you know or strongly suspect you’ve been exposed, wearing a mask can help you avoid infecting others. (This is how masking became a norm in Asian countries long before the coronavirus pandemic.) Again, carriers really shouldn’t be venturing out of isolation at all, but if you can’t avoid it, masking up can minimize the danger you pose to others. 

As of 4/3, the Centers for Disease Control recommends that everyone wear a mask when they leave the house. 

Update 6/1: As states “re-open,” requirements for face coverings in public may be dropped, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop wearing one. Especially if you’re attending a protest (crowds, lots of chanting/yelling), a mask can still keep you safe.

Question: how well do cloth masks work?

The evidence on this is pretty meh. The US Centers for Disease Control has said, “Any mask is better than no mask,” but studies have shown that cloth masks are strictly inferior to single-use medical masks when it comes to preventing the wearer from getting sick. Some reasons why:

Cloth masks are often made from materials that don’t trap tiny particles as effectively.This video explains how single-use masks work, and why woven material doesn’t work as well as the non-woven polymers that are normally used for medical masks.

Cloth masks absorb and retain moisture more than single-use masks, which reduces their efficacy over time. A study from India found that cloth masks and single-use masks both lose efficacy after two continuous hours, and another study in Vietnam found a single cloth mask worn throughout an eight-hour shift actually performed worse than single-use masks, and possibly even worse than no mask at all.

Cloth masks, depending on their design, may not fit snugly or smoothly, resulting in gaps that permit unfiltered air through. A recent study from Northeastern University in Boston found that pulling a nylon stocking over your mask-- not your whole head, we’re not robbing banks -- could significantly improve the effectiveness of any cloth mask, and even single-use surgical masks, by keeping everything snug.

A wonky mask might also cause you to touch your face more trying to adjust it, resulting in contamination.

Wearers may not be cleaning cloth masks effectively between uses, or may be cross-contaminating their hands when removing a used mask.  See “How do I wear a cloth mask?” below.

So a cloth mask is a last resort when isolation isn’t an option and single-use masks aren’t available. As of 6/1, the US is still facing shortages of single-us PPE thanks to mismanagement by the Trump administration, and as states “re-open” the demand for masks will start to increase again.

Question: If cloth masks aren’t effective, why bother with them?

Some healthcare facilities have asked for donations of cloth masks in order to stretch their supply of single-use masks because, as stated above, we’re running out of supplies. Some other orgs (from nursing homes to animal shelters to police forces) have been asking for mask donations to conserve single-use masks for healthcare workers. For most people going out in our daily lives, a reusable cloth mask is more cost-effective than running through boxes of disposables, especially if we’re also doing what we can to avoid high-risk acitivies.

Question: What’s the best material to make a mask out of?

Research by Davies et al (2013) compared several different materials for DIY masking. Two factors are in play: how well does the material trap germ-sized particles, and how well can the wearer breath while wearing it? For example, vacuum bags are great for filtering tiny particles, but turned out to be uncomfortable and difficult to breath through, while woven silk was very breathable but a poor filter. (Some 3D printed masks that are currently circulating could give you fatal CO2 poisoning.)

The Davies papers’ recommendations were cotton knits (like a medium-weight t-shirt) or tightly woven cotton cloth (like a high thread-count pillowcase). More layers isn’t necessarily better, but most patterns in circulation use at least two. Some also incorporate a filter of some kind, either removable or sewn into the mask.

Knit fabric is tricky to sew, especially if you’re a beginner, but the trade-off is that a mask made with knit can achieve a snugger fit. Woven cloth is easier to work with, but the resulting mask may require more tailoring to avoid gaps. If you have a choice, use plain, light-colored fabrics so it’s easier to see stains or wet spots. (Also, frankly, a mask sanitized with bleach regularly won’t retain color for long.) Some hospitals are recommending using two fabric colors if you can, to ensure you can tell the “inside” and “outside” apart easily, but if you don’t have that much fabric laying around, use what you got.

To secure the mask, narrow (1/8 - 1/2 inch) elastic bands are common, but these can pull hair/rub skin. Woven elastic in this size is also getting hard to source, and may contain latex, which is an allergy risk. Consider instead making ties from bias tape or twill tape; narrow strips of sewn fabric; a clean shoelace; or narrow grosgrain ribbon (the kind with ridges).

Some mask designs include a pocket for inserting a separate filter, which improves their protective power. Good ideas for a filter:

Quilt batting or interfacing (Fusible interfacing may help make knits more workable, at the cost of their stretch.)

Extra layers of cloth

shop towels made from microfiber or “hydro-knit” material

Bad ideas for filters include vaccuum bags (not breathable, may contain fiberglass) and cut-up N95 masks (why???). And if you’re making masks primarily for personal use on short trips out, you probably don’t need a filter anyway, though Mueller and Fernandez (2020) found that cotton masks with a filter + a nylon stocking over the top actually approached the protective power of a single-use mask.

Question: What pattern should I use?

If you’re making masks for donation, use whatever pattern is requested. If you’re making them for personal use, or for donation to an org that hasn’t given any guidance, here are some ideas:

New: The Clover Mask is a hybrid of several of the designs below, designed by the MakeMasks.Org Slack. Intermediate difficulty.

Erin’s Mask, based on a design developed by Dr. Chen Xiaoting of Taiwan. Erin tweaked the pattern and converted it to US measurements for those of us allergic to metric. This mask has a pocket for a filter and can be made with either elastic or a fabric tie to secure. Intermediate difficulty.

Cynthia’s Mask does not have a filter pocket and uses twill tape or ribbon for tie-backs. Probably the easiest on the list.

John Hopkins Medicine has also produced a mask pattern pretty much the same as Cynthia’s. So has Kaiser Permanente, which also made a helpful video if you’re not used to making pleats.

The Aries 2.0 Mask is being produced en masse by volunteers in St. Louis, which is where I’m based. It’s more complicated than Cynthia’s mask, and has a filter pocket like Erin’s mask, using curved pieces instead of pleats to achieve a good fit. Intermediate difficulty.

Some additional options, which have been less popular than the above:

The Turban Project Mask has been promoted by Deaconess Medical Center in Evansville, Indiana. It uses elastic and has no filter pocket. Just as easy as Cynthia’s mask, but the ear loop design may be less comfortable and some people have reported shortages of elastic.

The A.B. Mask is designed to be worn over an N95 mask, to extend its lifespan, or by itself. It uses cloth ties. It’s the most complex pattern to sew on this list, with darts and seam binding, but was designed by a nurse.

The Fu Mask from Freesewing uses curved pieces like the Aries mask, but has no filter pocket, which makes me a little more leery of the big center seam.

The Olson Mask has a filter pocket and uses regular hair ties for fasteners.

If you don’t sew at all, this mask can be folded from one sheet of cut cloth. A silky scarf might not be optimal material (see above re: material types) but a cotton bandana or a “fat quarter” of quilting cotton is almost the same size. If you’re using cut fabric, you could just tape or whipstitch the raw edges so it’ll survive the washing machine.

There are a ton of Facebook groups, Discords, etc. with suggestions on how to tweak these masks for best fit or greater comfort. One common hack is putting a length of pip cleaner or floral wire in the upper seam, to help the mask conform around the bridge of your nose. Be cautious when washing a mask with a built-in wire, because it might rust; the Aries 2.0 mask has a sleeve so the wire can be removed for cleaning.

Question: how should I wear/clean a cloth mask?

Depending on the mask, you might secure the mask behind your head or over your ears, either with elastic bands or cloth ties. Make sure you’re breathing primarily though the mask, and not around the sides, even when you turn your head or talk. (This might require some tweaking of your pattern.) This NYT piece has illustrations of how the mask should sit -- over your nose and under your chin, snug to your cheeks on both sides. If you can’t click through, @theexoticvet has posted the images here.

(Note: an N95 mask can’t make a tight seal over facial hair, but a cloth mask doesn’t seal even on a smooth face. So don’t fret about your beard making your cloth mask useless -- just make sure it’s pulled snug all the way around.)

Studies suggest a fabric mask is useful for two hours, max, or until your breath makes it noticeably damp. When you remove the mask, grasp it by the ties, loops or edges. Don’t touch the part that covers your nose or mouth, because that’s where germs have accumulated. If there’s a removable filter inside, wash your hands thoroughly after removing it, and then wash the mask.

Research shows the novel coronavirus can persist ~24 hours on a cardboard surface, but not necessarily how long it survives on/in cloth. Also, leaving a potentially contaminated mask laying around is probably not a good idea. So, to clean your mask:

Hand-wash with hot water and soap, at a minimum.

Boiling the mask for ~10 minutes should kill just about anything, but don’t just drop it in the pot and forget it -- you should keep stirring/agitating the water so it thoroughly penetrates all layers.

Add 1 T (15 ml) of bleach to 1 gallon (3.8 L) of cold water and soak your mask for 15-30 minutes. Then rinse thoroughly with hot water. Over-bleaching will degrade the fabric and make the mask less effective.

If you have access to a washing machine and/or a tumble dryer with a “sanitize” setting, use that. Otherwise use the hottest settings each one has.

If you have to air-dry your mask, make sure it’s completely dry before you use it again.

Question: How can I make masks to donate?

As of 6/1, mask donations are ramping down as the supply chain for both conventional PPE and reusable masks has stabilized. Most people and orgs can now buy reusable masks if they want them. On the other hand, some people can’t afford to buy a mask, so homeless shelters, food pantries and crisis nurseries may still be taking donations. Activist groups planning protests may also be looking for masks to distribute at their events.

Donations are being coordinated on a Make Masks Slack channel, at #MasksNOW, or at RosieSews.org. You can also text “masks” to ResistBot (50409) to find out how to help get PPE to healthcare workers who need it. Also try a Facebook search for “Million Mask Mayday” + your state, as the original Million Mask Mayday site was overwhelmed.

Check one of these spots or contact a local org BEFORE you sew a bunch of stuff, to ensure you’re matching their needs. Just dropping off a bunch of masks off randomly to a group that doesn’t even need them isn’t helping anybody.

If you initiate contact with a facility or org, ask them a) are they taking donations, and b) do they have specific needs regarding size, materials, or construction.

Also ask about whether the masks need to be sanitized before donation (use one of the methods above) and how donations should be delivered in light of social distancing recommendations.

[mellow-em]

Bedlam (Sam Drake)

CHAPTER 1: LEFT BEHIND

The life she had built in only a year had disintegrated, and she was set on her stubborn mindset of finding her purpose away from Jackson.

I DO NOT OWN ANY TLOU OR UNCHARTED CHARACTERS! ALL RIGHTS GO TO NAUGHTY DOG!

(This is a tlou x uncharted crossover. It’s set in tlou universe, but its a fic between an oc of mine, and Sam! I’m not sure how this is gonna turn out so please bear with me)

Prologue

_________________________________

-ABOUT 3/4 YEARS LATER-

Nevada, U.S.

_________________________________

The green inferno of the forest surrounding me was almost suffocating at this point, not to mention my lungs burning from the treacherous run I had to commit to in the boiling temperatures of Nevada not even a few moments ago.  

This trip was supposed to be a simple one to retrieve food, scope out the area, and return to the base I developed overtime. Though, I guess it was my fault to even consider it a non-lengthy adventure, with the infected still coursing through the entirety of the world.

It almost felt like my backpack was weighing on my entire body as I lazily slid myself down against the base of a tree to sit myself onto the foliage. As my  momentary vitality wore away, my limbs weakened with every passing second.

Running aimlessly for your life was the only thing that annoyed the hell out of me, mainly because it happens so often now.

It was mainly caused by the wide ranges of infected that have been circulating this area for weeks, all while trapping me within their circulation as I ventured further into the forest.

Since then, there had been little to no escape from their confinement in the middle of the woods. I would need to break for it sooner or later.

While I knew it was a huge risk, I couldn’t also risk dying from famine or another natural circumstance. Joel had always told me it was ridiculous of me to perceive death as a triumphant experience that needed to be commemorated and memorable.

But to me, if I died from a natural cause, I would feel as though it could be added to the list of wasted opportunities for something all the more grand.

The mind fog slowly engulfing me was blown away by a branch cracking not too far from where I was sitting.

My ears, along with my attention, perked up by the sudden noise.

Shit.

My hand slowly glided across the side of my hip, reaching for what I pray could be a good defense. I felt the slightest bit of relief when I grazed the handle of my switchblade.

The wooden handle was carved smoothly to encase the sharpened metal end; it was something beautifully valuable to me, as it was one of the things that I had left that reminded me of Jackson, and of my surrogate family.

The family I left behind.

There was another small detonation of what now sounded to be leaves crunched on the dirt. Whomever or whatever it was, it wasn’t moving quickly.

My mind first created the image of a clicker, though its grotesque voice wasn’t echoing throughout the trees. My thoughts began to charge as I began contemplating my next move.

As the noises got closer towards the trunk I hid myself behind, my breathing became ragged and unsteady. Growing more frantic, I discarded the knife idea, and reached for my revolver that was wedged into its holster.

Slowly pulling the gun out, my hands gripped it with a force that turned my knuckles into flaming snow. The heartbeat I carried within me scorched in my throat, creating a lump I very much needed to swallow.

I gulped down the blockage harshly, reverberating a sound too loud considering the condition of my surroundings. I cursed myself out in my head for it, knowing I’d have to turn the safety of the gun off not too long after.

I hoped intelligence of what was traveling closer to me was slim to none, mainly because anyone with an average IQ could probably recognise the sounds and cause a scene.

I suck in a cavernous breath, only to release it with a shaken state packaged alongside.

I close my eyes, and prepare for the worst, before raising from my stance on the ground.

My gun was firmly held in front of me, as if it were a barrier from all evil. I only took the time to stare at the culprit of the echoing commotions for a second, before pressing my fingers down on the trigger. 

A low pitched grunt reverberated through my ears, along with the blare of a gunshot. The figure jerked slightly from it’s position while doing so, creating a brief stumble. 

As I lowered the gun from it’s stern position in my hands, an overwhelming wave of tension froze my body in place. 

My thin eyebrows retracted from being furrowed from anger to worry, as did the slight wrinkles present on my features from years of age and affliction. 

The menace responsible for my frightened, yet threatening state wasn’t any form of the fungal infested beings that surrounded this forest.

It was a man.

His back was slightly turned, though I was able to take in a few of his features. His hair was a lighter brown, with the sun brightening its shade by a ton. It was fairly short, though it looked as though it had been neglected.

He held a navy blue long sleeve on his back, with dirt particles, along with sweat coating it altogether. It was fairly warm where we were, so it was apparent that he either wasn’t from here, or he didn’t know how to properly succumb to the weather. 

My eyes then traveled down to his lower back. It was drenched in a hauntingly beautiful shade of crimson. I could clearly hear the rapid breaths fuming from his mouth, almost in the form of a wheeze too. God what have I done.

As soon as I finally had the strength to take a step towards him, his breath hitches. He whips around to face me, giving me an opportunity to take in his face.

I noticed his shrewd blue eyes that were almost a shade of sapphire. Though, I was able to pinpoint multiple blotches of green and lighter hues of turquoise.

Overall though, his eyes were glossed over with sheer pain along with an obvious smudge of exhaustion. 

He held a small amount of stubble along the lines of his sharp jawline and chin. But again, it looked to be just as unkempt as the rest of him. He was a mess of course. But, courtesy of me, he was an even bigger disaster. 

 His face continued to contort in pain, much to my guilt and dismay. The unknown state of his physical trauma unnerved me to no end; I needed to look at the damage I’ve caused for myself. 

“Lift your shirt,” I simply croaked, with me then earning a look of defiance with a hint of panic.

“Why should I-”

“Christ do you wanna die out here?,” I questioned rhetorically, which surprisingly shut him up swiftly.

I knelt down towards the covered wound, though a strong tear was visible on his shirt. 

“Fuck, it shot straight through.” I mumbled to myself, with a string of curse words following after. 

I inspected the shredded fabric for a little longer before remembering the constraint that potential death was forcing him to endure. The pads of my fingertips grazed the shirt gently.

His eyes travel to my hands, watching my fingers place themselves on the hem of his shirt to lift it. 

My eyes widened slightly as I notice his shirt was snug on the wound, most likely making it impossible to lift it without more pain than normal. 

And with that action, a wave of anxiety visibly washes over him, “what is it?”

“Your shirt is stuck to it-.. this is gonna hurt”

“It’s okay I've had wors- oh crap,” his voice crumbled as he hissed the words out, his speech faltering due the pain. 

“Sorry- shit” I stop for a moment to gently life the shirt from the bloodstained skin of his lower abdomen before continuing to raise it any further. Once the shirt was detached from clinging to him, my fingers hoist the shirt upwards delicately, as the man still continues to wince in distress.

The whole mess on his stomach was the scene of a bloodbath; revealing the reason for the floods of ichor that canceled out the tones of his tanned skin.

It was something that definitely can create a burden, or even a grim fate for the poor bastard. A gaping hole surged through his abdomen, with blood now circling the gash.

“Holy fuck,” I breathed out. I rushed to turn away from his injury, with my gag reflex threatening me with my inspections continuing.

He was losing a lot of blood, and at this rate his injury would become infectious if nothing is done quickly. Or he could die right in front of me, and I couldn’t let my carelessness with a gun jeopardize someones life. 

I’m such a fucking idiot.

I let my backpack fall off my shoulders and onto the ground behind me, giving off minimal sound.

A few strands of short hair fell from behind my ears, eventually sticking to my face that happened to be drenched in sweat.

I unzipped my bag, and with no hesitation, I dove my hands in to reach for what I hoped would be exactly what I was looking for.

I felt around the entirety of the pack’s interior, with that sliver of hope deteriorating each time I touched an item. After a few moments of searching through, I could hear the man stumble slightly behind me.

As if on cue, I felt a roll of soft fabric brush the surface of my fingers, and I released a sigh of pure relief. I pull the roll of firm gauze from its original place in my bag, and turn to face the now whimpering man.

I could see tears threatening to form in his eyes as I looked at him, and my lips flatlined; he was in so much pain but he still attempted to hide it. 

His skin was getting to be dangerously pale, with his warm complexion draining with his blood.

I stand from the ground, carefully placing my free hand onto his broad shoulder. He jumped suddenly as I did so, but visibly relaxed as much as he could after a few moments.

“I need you to try and sit on this.” I bob my head towards the direction of a larger rock protruding from the ground beneath. It was covered in mud along with various patches of carpet-like moss, but it would have to do.

He hesitates, pushing me away from him slightly, “I’m gonna be fine I don’t need you to-”

“Not to be rude but shut the fuck up and sit, please” I gave him a pleading stare, hoping he would stop being so damn stubborn.

After taking the deepest of inhales to secure his oxygen, he maneuvers himself to sit on the rock. He remained stiff, still choking on his own projectile yelps of anguish, but he managed to get himself down onto the rock. 

“I’m gonna wrap this around you, alright?” I lean back down onto the ground, closer to his wounded midriff, with the medical wrapping clenched within both of my palms.

The man exchanged a look between my hands that held the gauze, and the expression draped across my face. He looked even more unsure of me now than when he glanced at me the first time after me shooting him, but in all honesty I wasn’t going to judge.

I continued to let him contemplate whether to bail or remain in my care for now, as frustrating as it was getting. I wasn’t usually the type of person to let my impatience tower over my empathy unless necessary, even though I had snapped at him once already.

It wasn’t until I heard the gruesome sounds of the undead not too far from us, that I didn’t wait for a single ounce of approval. No matter what, I wasn’t going to let him die in my sights if I have this chance to save him in front of me.

As I begin to hastily wrap the bandage around his injury, he unintentionally cries out in pain, unknowingly triggering the numbers of infected surrounding the forest.

Their moans of displeasure and sickening thirst for the suffering such as us grew closer, and I began to panic for the crippled human before me.

“Shit, shit, shit.”

“What is it-,” his confusion snapped into worry as soon as a whale of a runner erupts towards the east, “Oh crap.”

“They must've heard the commotion,” I muttered under my breath.

Once I finally wrap the injury to my satisfaction, I bring the roll to my mouth and tear the wrapping away from the roll itself as quickly as I could. While holding the gauze protection in place, I turn around to face my backpack once more.

With another minute passing by, the intense roars of clickers catches my attention now. My rapid breathing began to shake my body, and wrestle with my stomach. I needed to move much faster.

I drop the gauze from my hands in, and replace it with a roll of duct tape. With my mouth, I rip off a large strand of the structured adhesive, placing it over the bandage to hold it in place.

I unravel his now crinkled shirt, covering the work I had just done with one swift motion.

“We have to go. NOW.” I gesture for him to get up with urgency, in which he does so with minimal grace; stumbling slightly with a pained expression drenched on his entire being.

I grab my backpack, and throw it over my shoulders before allowing his arm to swing over my shoulders for support.

I did my best to solely sustain my focus on him as he got situated, annihilating the thoughts of dying in the hands of the infected.

“Get ready to haul ass, come on!”

He grunted in response as I began to trudge through the woodland forest with him fitted at my side.

This ominous feeling of anxiousness while pleading to save another created a sense of deja vu. I’ve been in this situation before, but with someone I once knew. Joel.

History was beginning to replicate, leaving my mind clouded with the thought of each event running its course fully with new people.

I let out an exasperated sigh, annoyed with my unfortunate timing for such conceptions. I needed to focus, not reminisce.

Another groan from behind me resulted in a complete snap back into reality.

While carrying the man’s force, heaves of air continued enter and escape his lips as he began to stumble on his feet slightly. The feeling of his weight was growing heavier, as he became much weaker.

“Shit, stay with me. We got this.” my attempts at reassurance did not prevail however, with his hyperventilation slowly progressing into drawn out sighs.

My grip onto his shoulder tightened, producing a sharpened soreness within my arm. My hold on him was overwhelming my strength, testing my limits as I pulled for him to move more quickly.

Wavering uncertainty of whether or not either of us were going to make it to my base camp alive, sat in the lap of my head. 

There wasn’t anything I could do about it until this heart-racing moment in time subsided; which seemed to not be ending soon enough.

No matter how much effort I put in, getting him to travel at a faster pace was absolutely no use.

He continued to fall in and out of his rush. I knew the swarm was inches from us at this point.

My blood ran cold as I felt a tug on my flesh. I swatted my arm away from the offender, succeeding as I place my arm at my side again. The pain electrified my system.

I felt the frigid sense of my own blood as it drew lines of red down my arm.

I didn’t bother to show any signs of torment, however; my face remained expressionless to keep the man attached to me from dismay.

While looking into the distance, I could see base camp in all its glory; a small, wooden dwelling that looked to be abandoned for years upon years.

To the naked eye, it wasn’t visible. A barricade held its own, as it was tall enough to keep unwanted guests away from the premises. It did its job well.

I look over to the man that unintentionally put his life in my hands. His eyelids were practically shut at this point.

He looked lifeless as he tripped over his own feet, trying to pry himself awake every few seconds.

The words ‘he's gonna die’ circled my brain, shoving me into a further state of panic. 

I shook my head to pin those inquiries to the back of my mind, however, knowing that we just needed to keep pushing. 

“Not much further now.” I mumble.

My heart was racing. My energy was running out, and so was his. But I couldn’t let either of us collapse. My urge for constant heroics weren’t going to fail me now.

An image of Ellie came into my mind.

Her youthful being appeared in the form of a mental photograph.

It felt idiotic, and possibly regrettable, but I needed to save this man, knowing the promise I made to her, and myself.

Find answers. Save who I can.

We were only a few feet from the gates now. We had gained some form of speed to rush ahead of the army of the infected, but I have no idea how.

Pure luck was gonna be my answer to that.

I rearranged our position so that he was now leaning against the barricade walls, as I rushed to open the gates.

“Okay come on big guy.”

He moaned back, reassuring me that he wasn’t quite dead yet. He returned to his place with his arm wrapped around my shoulders, as my other arm was around his.

It wasn’t long before I closed the gates, leaving the both of us alone within the partitions of my own property.  

All while the diseased few left in defeat, scouring within the depths of the forest to ignite another hunt for prey.

[justanotherpersonsuniverse]

Mafia AU ideas 2: Cyberpunk edition

*Max lives at the Garden and to many he is simply known as the Doctor. He'll treat anyone no matter what faction they belong to. He has extensive knowledge in how to treat anyone regardless of tech or mutation.

* Kim is an escaped Mutant from Argeste industries. He was genetically engineered to be the ultimate muscle and uses a supply of mutagen to maintain his power (think bane from the batman comics) unfortunately while the mutagen does make him strong, his body can't function without it. Officially he works with the Kubels for income but he spends all of his off time with Max who is working on a way to either cure him or at least remove the NEED for mutagen. He believes he used to have a life before the experiments but all of those memories have been wiped away. He does have a strange sense of Deja vu when he meets acertsin blue haired girl living at the local bakery.

* Argeste industries are the leading superpower in genetic and technological research and are responsible for many of the advances in the field. There are rumors however that the president of the company, is an emotionless mad scientist hell bent on defying death itself.

*Officially, Nathalie is the head of Argeste industrie's new entertainment and modeling division which both aids models in looking their best and advertising their line of unique mutations (things like cat pupils, enhanced metabolism) and "power" mutations that they create to grant actors more "practical" effects and even military contracts on the side. Unofficially however. She's Adrien's guardian, the world's first true artifical intelligence and the brain child of the late Emile Argeste. She's determined to protect Adrien at all costs but with her boss's sanity slipping, as well as advice from a particularly enthusiastic client. She wonders if their safety is in danger from the very company she works for.

*As said before Adrien is the world's first true Artifical intelligence. He's unbelievablely optemistic and kind hearted. His greatest desire is to see the world.

*Clara Nightingale is a superstar performer that serves as becaon of hope for the people as she's the first celebrity that managed to prominence from the slums. Hoping to use her success as a platform to speak for change to working class conditions, she signs on with Argeste Industries. Unfortunately Argeste industries may not be as clean as she believed with rumors now circulating that Gabriel is supporting the corrupt mayor. And if that wasn't enough, she may or may not have developed a soft spot for the overworked department head and her sunshine child of a ward who may also need an escape.

* Lila exists as a consciousness trapped in the internet. She'll often force her way into people's cybernetic implants to either gain information or temporarily take over their bodies to move around in. This has given her the a reputation as the most illusive information broker in the world as well as the nickname Chameleon given that she could be nearly everyone. Max has actually been working with her in private. Trading information he can use to help his patients in return for his help in constructing a body for her. As a result he's the one person she's completely honest with.

*Nino runs a small time gang Known as the Street Rats. A crew of orphaned children that he acts as a big brother to. While not a malicious gang they have a habit of theiving and run a black market of goods stolen from the larger industries that they to the poor communities for reasonable prices. They often get requests from outside to act as spies and informants since most people in the city wouldn't even bat an eye to most of these kids.

———

“It’s just a small idea probably won’t flesh it out too much”

..

Famous last words on my part- oKAY I LOVE THIS

If there’s one genre that can at least stand on the same level for my love of pirates and steampunk— it’s this.

Is cyberpunk the only genre name for this? I’m not sure- but I love this fucking futuristic dystopian neon aesthetic so much guys

Like- think Detroit Become Human except it took lsd and watched BNA

Yeah

Damn you for bringing the cursed crack ships back but also bless you

Robot Adrien is cute, I like that, reminds me of Conner. For some reason I’m thinking of Pinocchio rn, and Lila implants a bit of herself in him as his Chaotic Jiminy Cricket

Lila as a trapped consciousness is so dope, I wonder how she got trapped and if she has/had a body. Maybe for digging too deep into something? Got most of her mind wiped too probably. (Oh god it’s just Ene from Kagerou Days)

I’ve got this horrific but fun visual of Lila showing up on a ton of computers, maybe her coding of not wanting her to know what she knew causes her to snap a bit whenever she learns about something relating to her real self, She screams and pounds against the screen, telling anyone around to “LET ME OUT” before the computers crash and she reboots, completely unaware of what happened.

I like the mutant shit! That’s dope as fuck, I’ll keep it in,

But anyways, I like this a lot! Thank you!

[everydayanth]

American Beauty Standard: A Brief History and Modern Application

I learned this in an anthropology class and I don’t remember the resources, but I know one of them was Tocqueville talking about the American obsession with committees and associations as a way to accomplish tasks with people from tons of different cultures and backgrounds and no formal aristocratic class.

So, back in the day of colonial America all the way through like... probably modern day if we’re honest, wealthy families that came to America kept strong ties with relatives or positions in their home countries. When their sons came of age to marry, they would often find a wealthy upper-class woman from their home country or ethnic background to wed, which meant that wealth circulated the culture it was coming from. A wealthy English lad would go to London and find himself a lady to bring to the US, a wealthy Frenchman would stay with his family in Paris or wherever, the would tour the continent blah blah, and come home with an upstanding lady of the gentry.

UNLESS an American girl could catch their interests first. This was why American girls were taught independent skills (homemaking rather than the class skills of entertaining), why they were allowed to marry for love (lack of a gentry class and singular cultural/social rules to follow), and why, at the end of the day, beauty became the most valuable tool.

Because a poor American girl who was beautiful and useful could out compete the European class rules of etiquette to secure herself a wealthy husband. And if you start there and work your way forward, our obsessions with smart or pretty girls (but watch out for too-smart or too-pretty), our beauty pageants and cosmetics advertising, our taboos and traditions, our girl vs. girl competition, it all starts to make sense.

Because being beautiful, witty, and useful meant you could be noticed and loved or admired, and married to a wealthy man. Wealth meant comfort and comfort meant safety and safety meant security and security meant freedom. Isn’t that what we all want? Isn’t that what we still want? Aren’t we still just competing for independence, for respect and freedom? Same tools, in many ways the same world. Girls fighting over college admissions, internships, medical research funds, they aren’t any different from girls competing in beauty pageants or arts, it’s always about freedom and for some, beauty is a way to get there.

There are a lot of socially aware people on the internet and I just wanted to add this nugget of history to the conversation about beauty standards. We seem to be aware that being able to follow trends is a sign of wealth, we seem to easily discuss that beauty standards themselves are an impossible oppressive tool to control and manipulate, and we are perfectly blunt about the wealth of industries capitalizing off insecurities. I wanted to bring this history into the conversation as well. Because like it or not, competition and our ability to be “wives” has historically been part of “American” culture since colonization, and that includes an incredible amount of isolated puritan and protestant extremists coming to the “new world” because their countries called them out on some bullshit or maintained economically exclusive advantageous relationships with their leaders.

Anyway: American [white] female beauty standards begin with competition for wealthy husbands and the illusion of comfort and freedom they could provide (with plenty of truth to the illusion) and still exists today. American girls were taught to “make” a home as a resource for their husbands while their European counterparts (of the same [similar] class) were often taught to entertain and host within the home as an accessory to her husband’s success, as expected by their class and/or station (often equally oppressive). 

There are so many other interesting components to the conversation as well and I just figure that if we’re interested in having it at all, I might throw some other things out here: 

WARNING: Long geeking rant about individual body adaptions and why they are incredibly beautiful follows:

Like how male beauty also evolved, with Americans emphasizing the fitness of a laborer or farmer, becoming the independent middle class, while their middle class European counterparts were often more slight and “intelligent” (relative, as perceived by access to education) businessmen, lawyers, doctors, etc., as they retained the inherited gentry and the American self-made man became more desirable to American women who had no single cultural courtship ritual and so relied on love and picking out a reliable husband based on their own choosing (which leads to its own conversation on American victim-blaming in assaults on females, especially when combined with that puritan past). 

Which is then complicated further when looking at pockets of immigration where different adapted physical male bodies are living next to one another in America (the Dutch and Polish of W. Mich are a great example). They are separated by countries in Europe, so their different builds are suddenly compared in an entirely new environment that doesn’t necessarily fulfill their previous adaptions (MI isn’t as cold as Poland, so the shorter stature isn’t as useful, while the sexual selection of the tall Dutch male remains, it isn’t as differentiated from other larger Europeans (like lowland Germans and Scandinavians), and so isn’t as genetically insulated. 

Anyway, these are all focused on “white America,” other cultures and ethnicities will also have changing and adaptive standards for different reasons. There are also some we will share as a whole culture. We’re having smaller families so each child will want to be the most healthy available. Guess what big booties are a sign of? Healthy babies (the type of rich fat stored in the butt is used to help form baby brains and shit), so as a general correlation, humans tend to figure out that curves = healthy babies. As our family-size expectations get smaller with the lowering of infant mortality and rise of individual life expectancy/health/comfort of average citizen, and as we push the age of first conception, we want to make sure that one-shot kid is healthy af. 

Being black anywhere but the American South is hard, and even that’s muggy and wet as opposed to the drier conditions of the west coast of Africa many African Americans were adapted for when brought as slaves. Which means the likelihood of being vitamin D deficient is higher, without being too crass or negating to address social racism issues, I’ll round it out and say we’re all going to eventually have a Brazil effect, where people living in areas for a long while will adapt to them or “breed into” them and we all become a similar middle skintone. The SW US is going to be more “Mexican” because that’s the “proper” (ie most useful) adaptive skin tone to protect from the changing climate there, while those in a place like the Olympic Peninsula in WA are going to be a bit lighter as an adaption to the weather, but probably not as white as Europeans. 

What is natural for an area’s skintone is also based on diet. The Inuit and Sami live at a similar parallel but the Inuit are much darker skinned on average. Why? Well, they eat more fish and seafood with Omega3s and Vitamin D (therefore needing less of the Vitamin D to enter through skin from sunlight) and live often on open plains (therefore absorbing more sunlight when it is there), while the Sami eat more red meats from reindeer herds with less Vitamin D, and travel through fields/forests (therefore needing more Vitamin D to enter through skin which results in lighter skin). 

My favorite statistic I ever learned was that on average, an African’s skin can absorb NINE TIMES more sunlight than their European counterpart without getting burned. Nine times! For one hour in the hazy European sun, a black person would need to spend nine (+) to get proper Vitamin D amounts, while in Africa, a white person after ONE HOUR would begin to burn from too much uv. That’s so cool! Bodies are crazy awesome! 

That applies to hair texture as well, black hair is often coiled to protect the head (you know, cus we stand on two legs and it’s in the sun all the time). Two inches of coiled black hair can dispose of that 9x uv by holding onto water and a bunch of other crazy amazing processes, while two inches of white hair generally dries quickly and lies flat against the head to insulate and keep warm, not expel heat. 

Hair, eye, and skin color are all affected by melanin counts in the body (or melanocytes, which is where melanin is created, including collections of melanin at melanocytes which cause freckles and moles!), lots of melanin produced by the body makes someone darker skinned, but that doesn’t mean they need the coiled hair protection from the sun, which gives us so many varieties of follicle shape (which is what defines the curl tightness or looseness of a hair, with round holes producing straight hair and curved/slanted holes producing curls and coils like how you curl a Christmas ribbon with scissors, which means yes, you can have curly patches on your skull, your hair will change as you grow and based on your diet, hydration, products, etc.). 

Having little to no melanin makes someone “albino,” or extremely light (which affects eyesight as having little or no pigment in the iris doesn’t shield the retina from light, though some may simply have extremely low pigment with light blue eyes). There are in-between colors like red hair, hazel/green eyes, and highly-freckled skin that result from different concentrations of melanin in different parts of the body, and there are things like heterochromia (different color eyes) which result from different concentrations of melanin in the same body part, and other things like Vitiligo (what Michael Jackson had), where concentrations in melanin change overtime, in this case from the shutting down of melanocytes which then produce little or no pigment for the skin, causing patches of whiteness. 

There are so many ways for bodies to be different from one another and it’s incredible when you start to understand how unique our individual combinations are! Nose size is a direct correlation to air humidity, as are our sinuses. Face shape can often be the result of language, people from the American midwest accent will have rounder cheek apples from pulling their mouths wide and working different muscles than those with say, an RP British accent who pull their jaws down and cheeks in instead of wide on many vowels, resulting in more defined cheekbones. Jawlines are a symbol of genetic diet, if you have a less defined jaw, your ancestors were probably coastal people, more adapted to seafood proteins, which requires less chewing than those in higher altitude and mountain regions, which would require herds of red meat or poultry for protein, which is more chewing, plus the different textures plants must have to grow at different altitudes and climates. This is a loose correlation and there are plenty of other factors that combine to make different results, but they always fascinate me!

Why are African men often stereotypically faster than Europeans? Because their adapted environment is often flat savannah and adaptions for running long distances and fitting the climate generally involve being tall to expel more heat through the skin (while a cold-adapted person is generally more stout and short to keep more heat in with less skin surface area – there are always exceptions for other reasons, the Dutch are tall due to sexual preference of females, the African Baka people are shorter due to reasons still being discovered, most recently it is thought to due with denying puberty growth hormones because denying them retains immunity to certain dangers found in the environment or provides some advantages over niche environments). Part of being adapted tall and slim to dispel heat (Allen and Bergman’s laws for you curiosos) is that pelvises are more narrow, males even more than females, and narrow hips mean more straight femurs rather than the slight bow of wider/rounder hips, which means, if you go to physics, a faster turnover with no need for overcorrecting the bow, and less strain on joints. While a European body adapted to its environment would require different survival adaptations, the bow of the femur allows for less speed, but often more agility for moving through forests and up and down highland slopes and rocky craigs. Again, there are always exceptions, which is why you cannot identify race by a skeleton, though there are probabilities. 

Adaptions to altitude are their own category and they begin from birth and before. It’s so cool! Being born in high altitudes develops larger lungs for taking in more oxygen in the less oxygen-dense atmosphere, which can develop into barrel lung, where the chest is nice and round like a barrel to allow the lungs full expansion. That’s so cool! When I go to higher altitudes, my sea-level coastal body is just like... wheeze.  I also broke a bunch of ribs and they don’t expand easily due to complications, so it’s even harder for me to be at a higher altitude now, being adapted to it if I have to live there sounds ideal.

We seem to understand things like race are a result of biological adaptation to environments, but we don’t often carry on the conversation past that. What does adapting to climate change look like? What about colonization and immigration? What about pollution? What adaptions happened in the past, did we lose them when they were no longer necessary? How long does it take for people to become adapted to a new environment? Generations? Why do we socially present some things as more desirable than others? Why do we create beauty standards at all? How does a shared culture of diverse backgrounds even have a “standard?”

Everything comes down to predicting health and trying to live longer, to protect ourselves from danger. Whether that’s trying to be accepted by an outsider community or blending in with the “standard” at large, our understanding of beauty will continue to change as our social, political, economic, and climate/environment aspects of our shared culture change as well. For me, learning about why my body is the way it is was endlessly enlightening. Any doubts about my big nose (which was also broken, so bigger than my relatives’) are quelled by understanding that it helps humidify and avoid that horrible feeling I hate in dry air where it feels like my nose is going to start bleeding (I’ve only gotten it in saunas though). Moving around the country helped too, I understood a lot more about the purpose of those adaptions and saw how different localized beauty is marketed. 

In Southern California, along the coast, the ocean spray makes everyone’s hair a bit curly, the humidity is high and I loved it (Jake, not so much). But the sun got to me. I got so many new freckles and my skin was always a bit dry, I had to work extra hard to stay hydrated and moisturized (even though my Polish side tans really well and I don’t burn easily, I was always dehydrated). Then we moved up to Seattle and I loved it even more! My hair stayed curly (though I’ve since learned that shower water and products make the biggest difference), I got more freckles as my skin adapted to not needing so much melanin and my hair got a lot darker for a while, my eyes seemed to get lighter in San Diego, which was crazy (and kinda cool). Then we moved to the desert-desert, the straight Mojave, and my body did not love it. I smelled all the time (dry air, my sweat is made for humid, but not too humid lol, that’s why I think white people smell in Asia and it’s not just a stereotype), my hair got sun-bleached and I lost a lot of the curl, it wasn’t the worst, but I was only there for a few months. Then we came to New England and I started to notice the change in trends and how my own preferences had changed in beauty and fashion. Marginal peripheral influence will do a lot and I can’t imagine living in that with none of the “qualifying” standards. 

So basically, I’m writing this book of a post to say that if we step back and look at all the pieces, they have reasons, some of them shallow, others valid, but that they are changing and will always be changing and so is all of humanity. Your body is doing amazing things to protect you every single day, beyond digesting your food and feeding you dopamine. Every single thing about it has a purpose and a goal or a reason, except for maybe genetic mutations. I’m not going to go stand on a hill and say you’re missing an arm or your body hates you for a reason, my body built my stomach outside of me during fetal development and I promise that was just a fuck up, there was no reason (but my mom will tell you there was and it was God). 

Bodies are crazy cool, sometimes they mess up and make cancer and don’t notice and it gets too big and we need help. Sometimes they only have one red-haired gene and we get blonde and brunette men with confusing bright red beards (lol, Jake), sometimes we’re in the middle of an adaption and we get patchy beards while living in a society that values them (looking at you, boys from genetic lines of men adapting to humidity where beards kinda suck or cultures that don’t like them). Sometimes we have been moved to a place where our genes aren’t as advantageous or actually hurt us and we don’t know about it or have to work harder than others to stay healthy, and sometimes our native or natural diet isn’t available to us and we work really hard to stay healthy but our bodies just don’t respond because they can’t or won’t. 

For some people it feels overwhelming, or blasphemous, to talk about humanity as a whole, to look at ourselves as a single version of all the endless possible combinations of changes that can happen in a body, but I find it incredible! There is no one like you, but there are people who are similar, there are places where you’re perfect and there are cultural adaptions to help you when you’re not. Understanding the reason or purpose behind the body’s reasons for selection or change, combined with the lottery of your localized DNA options from your parents and potential genetic mutations during development and later in life, understanding that the body is always changing and adapting to what is best for you or catching up from past changes can explain so much of ourselves! 

I just think it’s really cool! 

I used to geek out about it a lot more and Jake would play a game where he would point at a face and ask me to guess their genetic heritage or combination of peoples/geographies. He still does it sometimes, I’m pretty good at it, but it’s more fun to be wrong and surprised, if I’m honest. Humans are just cool.

That being said, if there’s a thing about yourself you don’t like or don’t understand, that you feel doesn’t fit in to beauty standards and never will (for me, it was my nose and freckles, why so many freckles?), shoot me a message and I’ll do my best to tell you why it might be a thing so you can appreciate the incredible diversity of your own body as it adapts to your ancestors’ forced or willing migrations and changes to fit its new environments!

American beauty standards are complicated, but if there is one thing they always revolve around, it’s a humble confidence in your own value. I found that value in others, in seeing how intricate and unique humans are from each other, which lead to an appreciation of my own unique pieces. No industry standard or media pacification can take that or change it or judge it, because it’s your body doing its absolute best with the tools it has to protect you and make you the safest and most comfortable you can be in any place of the world. <3

[natrashafierce]

The author of that terrible Your Fave is Problematic Tumblr has grown up and written a great piece for The New York Times expressing regret about picking people apart and talking about how (surprise, surprise) it was really just that she was young and poorly adjusted and had gone through some stuff.

I hope more people can be honest with themselves that most of us are susceptible to weird, spurious extremist stuff online if we’re in a bad enough mood, and you can always just, like, stop and change course and be someone who tries to spread forgiveness and humility instead of accruing points for tiresome, punitive, identity-obsessed nitpicking. I completely forgive the author of the blog and applaud her for this extra step that will surely expose her to the same sort of poorly adjusted person she used to be.

I also hope more people come to understand that they shouldn’t signal boost people articulating extremist things, because all it does it create a contagion of poor mental health and social behaviors that are counterproductive to achieving anything positive. It’s normal for people to get angry, and everyone has every right to rant in their own online space, and you don’t have to invalidate anyone’s moment of anger. But you can comfort them without reblogging or retweeting them. You don’t have to enable their descent into binary thinking by rewarding them with a ton of attention and influence.

It may be “tone policing” to try to tell any one individual how to express themselves, but it is not “tone policing” to suggest that society should not take our cues and policy ideas from people who are hysterical. Almost no one is good at formulating solutions to social problems, and angry people least of all. Every marginalized group has at least SOME people who are capable of remaining fair, nuanced, and rational despite what they’ve gone through, and those are the people to signal boost if you take societal problems seriously. They tend to have a much more complete perspective on an issue than someone who has barely read or experienced anything outside themselves except for the dozens of aggro internet posts that end up in their bubble.

Chronically angry people see everything through the lens of their anger and their ego, do not seek perspectives or explanations that would defuse them, and their ideas for solutions will tend to be unfair and dehumanzing. Now the internet pays people for that, and people psychologically stagnate because their newfound career depends on it and their reputation seems locked in by the long memory of the internet. Grounded people have learned to control their egos, seek genuine understanding of those who disagree with them, and are capable of finding uplifting solutions, but those people are getting drowned out and harassed offline nowadays.

It used to be that people would have their big moments of anger and, lacking any audience except for a few people they knew, had to learn to introspect, calm themselves down, and approach problems effectively. They would often get gently challenged by the people around them and pulled back into a healthy mindset. They would confront interpersonal problems privately instead of trying to tear people down publicly, and extremism only arose in bad social circles or with especially recalcitrant people. But now that everyone gets their basest impulses rewarded by strangers as poorly adjusted as they are, there is little incentive for introspection or growth. This got worse for a lot of us during the Trump years, I think, because the shock of his incivility made it seem like civility had been a losing tactic. I know I felt like that for a few years until I realized how easily I could be manipulated into believing the worst about someone if it played to my biases. Unfettered mass venting just contributed to a bad cycle.

One of the worst things is how the crazed brigades accrue well-intentioned allies who enforce their insane, unpopular ideas and, together, tank public support for what were once important political objectives. SO MANY people were into the Your Fave is Problematic blog and would troll tags for the celebrities mentioned just to harass and intimidate people who were fans, and they were all indoctrinated into a disordered, shallow worldview were they derived their worth from tearing people down instead of cultivating their own talents. Your Fave is Problematic was by no means the first or only vector for leftist identitarian brain worms, but it was an influential one. There’s a whole lot of obnoxious Tumblr stuff that leaks out into the larger world now.

Back then I thought people would grow out of it, but either a ton of them didn’t, or else those who did just got replaced by new people. I thought right-wingers were catastrophizing and exaggerating when they fixated on it because a lot of the time they were, and too many of them couldn’t criticize it without being dehumanizing themselves. But sure enough, it got worse. I realize now that regardless of ideology, extremism always gets worse if there are incentives for it to grow, and the internet supplies those incentives in spades. This stuff didn’t stay on Tumblr; it didn’t stay on some stray college campuses. They said it wouldn’t, and they were right.

And now it has infected more mainstream, influential spheres of life with infantilizing and dehumanizing ideas that train people to perceive everyone as an aggressor or a pinata they can beat up for clout. It’s increasingly ruined more innocent lives, all while people who are ideologically captured keep insisting it’s no big deal because that’s the line in their social circle. The goalposts move every week to provide more targets, and even left-leaning media has quit thoroughly investigating a lot of things in its rush to cash in on whatever social media controvery has been ginned up by unwell people. The corrections, when they come out, are almost never widely circulated.

It’s been surreal and disheartening to watch. People I used to consider reasonable and compassionate just gradually morphed into aggrieved, insecure pod people who can’t handle the slightest challenges of evidence against their worldview. They can’t accept that their insecurities and peeves are frivolous distractions that actually do materially harm efforts to fix serious problems, whether by beclowning entire political parties or candidates, or diverting resources to organizations that aren’t changing anything significant or are making things worse. They all even say the same tired phrases. It’s such a shitshow, but public opinion polling on this stuff has remained mostly sane. A lot of people are snapping out of it like the author of YFIP, so I can only hope that more people feel comfortable to finally push back against it.

[streetsofsecretswegone]

@chxoticmuses​   said   :   👫 uno reverse card I’m throwing it back at you, for whoever you want as well !!

JERROLD HATED JANIE WHEN THEY WERE TEENAGERS. He thought she was boring, alternatively he thought she was too sweet, and more importantly than that he had resentment whenever 'Janie took Nick away.' Something else that totally threw him into a spiral was when Janie and Nick were discarding a dead body together. Like that’s some gangster shit HE AND NICK should have been doing!!  Anyway, he did whatever he could to aggravate her back then. But now he's lost all of his hostility - but he isn't surprised that Janie still has a ton of hatred towards him hbgfl if he has no reason to associate with her, he won’t. But he also has no issue being the ‘middle man’ between she and Nick. 

As a kid during summer break, Cecilia would try so hard to pull all-nighters. She wanted to stay up to 5 am...6 am....to see Travis come home. That, and she was always curious about what was going on at night! She was sure things were more exciting! It wouldn't work out. Either Delores would force her to go to bed, or she would end up curled up on the couch knocked out by 11:30 pm.

BONUS! In New York, Cee befriended an elderly vet frequenting the bar because he reminded her of Travis. The poor old man ends up dying and Cecilia takes it hard, although they had only known each other for like...2 months. She was so devastated she called Travis just to...make sure he was okay and tell him that she loved him.

In the present, Nick talks a big game about putting your feelings and regrets to the side, but he's so. so. hung up over Janie. Delores has privately told Nick to get over her for the good of his own emotional health. :/ But he can't. Anyway, here's Maze.

When she was a teenager, Leah stayed in a state of confliction on whether to call Munroe or not for nearly a week. Cassandra was by her side that whole time. Leah asked her questions like, "what if he likes the high me and not the, I don't know, regular me?" Cassandra did such a good job building her self-esteem, but it all came crumbling down when she called his number and got the aquarium. Top 10 Anime Betrayals. It was that devastating. That world shattering. To be honest she probably doesn’t call anyone first to this very day.

WHEN LEAH WAS PREGNANT WITH VERONICA, during the baby shower June called for a special naming ceremony where they put the names of dead celebrities in a hat! It was then shaken anndd - of course, the name Veronica was pulled.

🤨 Will there eventually be dating rumors circulating online between Naomi and Tony? Especially with him sometimes being in her tiktoks?? Of course!

[psychospeak-blog]

Won’t Go Slowly // 64

One // Two  // Three // Four // Five // Six // Seven // Eight // Nine // Ten // Eleven // Twelve // Thirteen // Fourteen // Fifteen // Sixteen // Seventeen // Eighteen // Nineteen// Twenty // Twenty One // Twenty Two // Twenty Three // Twenty Four// Twenty Five // Twenty Six // Twenty Seven // Twenty Eight // Twenty Nine // Thirty // Thirty One // Thirty Two // Thirty Three // Thirty Four// Thirty Five // Thirty Six // Thirty Seven // Thirty Eight // Thirty Nine // Forty // Forty One // Forty Two // Forty Three // Forty Four // Forty Five // Forty Six // Forty Seven // Forty Eight // Forty Nine // Fifty // Fifty One // Fifty Two // Fifty Three // Fifty Four // Fifty Five // Fifty Six // Fifty Seven // Fifty Eight // Fifty Nine // Sixty// Sixty One // Sixty Two // Sixty Three

A/N: Thanks to @howaboutskam for making sure that I didn’t overuse commas or have an excessive amount of run-ons, and @hockeyandstuff91 as always for listening to me  “For such a little person, you've got a ton of stuff, dude," Tyler said, Bentley kicking his legs where he was laid across your bed on top of his blanket, in response to Tyler talking to him, and you could see him smiling behind his pacifier, which you'd try to slip back in his mouth immediately after feeding him.  You didn't have a light on in your room, other than the night light in the corner, the bathroom door open just enough that you could see, leaving a band of light across the room.  

"Does everything fit?" you asked tentatively, because even though you'd  insisted that Tyler pack the car the day before because you intended to leave so early in the morning,  it was practically the middle of the night and you couldn't very well pack his bassinet when  Bentley needed to sleep in it .�� Hell, when you thought about taking a family vacation it was still with your mom and your sister that you'd pictured, like the way things had been your last few years of high school, only now you'd just bring Bentley with you.  You hadn't thought about taking him anywhere alone, especially not when he was this young and couldn't appreciate it, not like the photos that you'd had in your baby book of trips to the lake, sitting with your mom and then your dad on the beach blanket, because it seemed just kind of a little lonely to think about having to get a stranger to take a picture of just you and your baby on the beach.  

Honestly, you'd truly imagined that your first actual trip with Bentley would be going down to Dallas to visit Tyler, because he had seemed to want you to so badly, even though that idea had seemed so overwhelming to you then.  But now going away seemed exciting, with only a twinge of anticipation about travelling with a baby.

"Oh, yeah, it's fine," Tyler whispered.  You had to take his vehicle, which obviously had a lot more room, and you didn't even think that you could fit all the baby stuff in your car, let alone the dogs.  But that had meant transferring the car seat from your car to Tyler's, which you wanted to do ahead of time to make sure it was secure, which meant that Tyler had just been driving around with an infant seat in his back seat for the last day and a half, which tugged at your heartstrings for some reason. "Wait, how many bags do you have?"

"One," you said, frowning because he knew it was still by the door, just waiting for you to add your toiletry bag to once you were done with it this morning.

"That's it?" he asked, hand on the back of his neck like he was surprised, and you nodded.  "You don't have some secret girl bag?"

"Some secret girl bag?" you laughed, "I mean, I have the diaper bag, which is like my purse."

"Yeah, you know how girls over pack."

"You travel with a lot of girls, then?" you whispered back, grinning, Tyler giving you a look.  

"Ones I'm related to, yeah," he said, "But I should actually be all romantic and stuff and carry your bags for you."

"You always carry my bags for me," you said, because usually he was dramatic, complaining that they were too heavy, even though you were perfectly capable of carrying them for yourself.

"Well, maybe I like you just a little bit," he said sweetly, holding his fingers together as he took a step just inside the doorway.   Gerry lifted his head, one eye still half closed, giving Tyler a weary look and Cash snored from the foot of the bed, which just made Bentley smile again, stretching out his arms and his legs in his sleeper excitedly.

"He is way, way too awake for  it not even being 5 A.M.," you said, because the plan was to get up to go early, when Bentley would still easily go back to sleep, so he could just sleep on the drive.  And Tyler was quite often up early anyways to go into the city, so he promised you that it was no big deal for him to drive the whole way, that you could go back to sleep in the car.

"Yeah," Tyler whispered, although it seemed that the dogs were more bothered by the conversation, and you ran your finger over your forehead in anticipation of Bentley crying the whole time. "At least he's happy though."

"I know, but usually he goes right back to sleep at this time," you said.  Although, sometimes, when Tyler was up he'd get up and change him after you fed him, and then you'd crawl back into bed for a couple more hours, Tyler putting Bentley back in his bassinet to sleep.   Honestly, you had a pretty good routine going, you thought,  Tyler and the dogs ended up at your place every night other than the weekend he was gone in Dallas, although there'd been once when he had a dinner meeting and he thought he'd just crash at his place and see you in the morning, the dogs with you, only you'd heard his car pull into the driveway and gotten a text that he gonna crash on the couch until the baby woke up, and then he'd just ended up coming into the bedroom, stripped off his clothes on the floor, wedging himself silently into the bed between you and the dogs.

"Umm...I mean, maybe he sometimes chills with me when I have my coffee, 'cause he doesn't want to go back to sleep right away," Tyler said, looking at you sheepishly.  

"He does?" you asked, "I thought you just changed him."

"I do, but then he's awake and all smiley, so he likes to sit in his little chair thing and watch me cook breakfast," Tyler said, "Then we cuddle and he goes back to sleep, and like, I know that's probably not a good idea, but usually when you're around he wants you, and if you're not there then he'll take me."

You smiled still, hand brushing across the top of Bentley's foot.  "Well, he's also probably supposed to actually have a bedtime, but I've just always let him sleep on me or in the living room until I...or we go to bed."

"He's a baby," Tyler said, in a sing-song-y voice, and you looked out where, well most of your boys were still in bed.  "He doesn't need rules."

"Where's Marshall?" you asked, because he'd been pretty much glued to either your or Tyler's side since you'd started packing a few days ago, although he'd been fine coming to bed with you last night.

"He's...well, he was with me," Tyler asked, turning, "Marsh?"

You picked Bentley up, kind of instantly getting worried because you weren't entirely sure that Tyler had closed the front door, and it wasn't like Marshall was overly familiar with your neighborhood other than the usual way that you usually walked to and from Tyler's house.   Of course, now that you had Bentley with you, Cash jumped off the bed to follow you, and then Gerry got up, thinking that something exciting would happen.  

"I'll check outside," you said, going down the hall while Tyler was looking in Bentley's room.

"He won't be outside," Tyler said, as if he was certain of the fact, "I shut the door, he's probably just hiding somewhere."

"You shut the door or the screen?" You asked, Tyler's eyes shifting back and forth.   You were so used to keeping it open during the day in the summer to get air circulating throughout your older house but, of course, you'd discovered last winter when you'd left the door open while you were putting something in the car that Marshall had figured out how to push it open.  Really, it was something that you'd found charming when you first got this house but it kind of turned into a bit of an annoyance, and now you were starting to see it as just another opportunity for little fingers to get pinched or for a curious little toddler to head out towards the road.  You'd already opened up the screened-in porch the spring after you'd moved in, but clearly you had a few more updates that you would have to do to before Bentley got mobile.  Tyler called for Marshall again, although his voice was still quieter, not panicked like yours was.  

You opened the screen door, fully prepared to step out into the driveway in your bare feet, seeing a glow of eyes coming towards you and towards the steps inside, Marshall's tail wagging when he got into sight, and you made a sad face when you realized the poor thing had probably been out there staring up at the trunk, waiting for it to open so he could jump in.  

"Don't worry," you said, hand brushing over the top of his head as he walked by and back into the house.  "You're coming with us."

"Come here," Tyler said, bending down to pet him, "You ready to go? Let's go. Let's go, Mom."

"I just need to get dressed," you said, waiting until Tyler stood up to pass Bentley over to him, Bentley letting out a noise that was half annoyance half cry.

"Oh," Tyler said, and then lowered his voice to a whisper again, "C'mon, let's go for a little walk."

You smiled at the way that he just took him, walking quietly back into your bedroom like your body still knew it was too early to be up for the day, slipping into the soft  clothes you'd laid out on your bathroom counter last night.  

"You're supposed to go back to sleep," you heard Tyler whispering when you went back into the living room, Bentley now laying in Tyler's arms like he was trying to rock him to sleep,  leaning over to plant a kiss on Bentley's belly, Tyler's head turning to look at you, smiling when he saw you.  "You look good in those sweats."

"Yeah?" you asked.  They were his, of course, which you'd thrown on just for the car ride because you wanted to be comfy.  And while you'd worn them a lot over the last year, you'd always just worn them around the house and, for some reason, it made you feel kind of a strange thrill to wear his number, like you might have felt as a sixteen year old when any boy gave you his sweatshirt because you were feeling cold. 

"Mhmm, so cute," Tyler said, "I should wear mine and then we can be twins."

You laughed at the way that he grinned at you big, going to grab the dogs' collars and putting them on one by one, Tyler slipping past you and turning Bentley's car seat closer to him with his foot.  "He's gonna scream," you warned, preparing yourself.

"Yeah, he might," Tyler said, shifting to settle Bentley into his seat where he scrunched up his face and then started crying immediately, Tyler trying to quickly buckle him in, Gerry barking around the entrance way like Tyler was doing something wrong, and you only hoped that you didn't wake your neighbors up.  "Ger, shush."

"It's okay," you said, leaning into settle your hand on Bentley's chest, adjusting his pacifier in his mouth to try and get him to take it and calm down.  "You're okay, we're just gonna go for a car ride, we're gonna get moving soon."

You were relieved when Tyler picked the carseat up, not wanting to delay things any longer than you had to, knowing that Bentley would eventually be soothed by the motion of the car, all three dogs coming with you and looking up at the little thing which seemed to be making a lot of noise, Tyler shifting the car seat in his hands easily to grab his keys and unlock the doors.  

"What did that carseat ever do to you, bud?" Tyler asked in a gentle voice. "Oooh, you're mad."

"He doesn't like staying still," you laughed, taking the car seat from Tyler so you could snap it into the base in the back. 

"Does he know he can't move?" Tyler asked in a stage whisper, "Literally have to carry that kid everywhere."

You laughed under your breath, crawling over the backseat while you could hear Tyler talking to the dogs, getting them into the backseat, smiling because as he adjusted the beds and blankets he'd laid back down there for them.  

"Bentley Bear," you said, making sure that his pacifier was clipped to his sleeper so it wouldn't get lost in the depths of the car when he most likely would spit it out until he was tired of being upset and realized that it wasn't entirely so bad being in the car, "You just gotta do this every time, huh?  We gotta go in the car to go to fun places, baby."  

You leaned in, still trying to soothe him, adjusting the straps around his body as if that would help, even though you knew that he was perfectly fine, just annoyed at the situation, not that there was anything that was actually wrong, still leaning in with him until you felt a wide hand grip your ass, Tyler doing his best to try and lean in beside you.  "I brought his blanket," he said softly and you smiled, reaching for it, knowing that you'd want it to drape over his carseat if he was sleeping when the sun started to come up. "You want to listen to some tunes, bud?  Roll down the windows so you can feel the wind in that little bit of hair?"

You smiled, running your hand through Bentley's hair.  "He's ready to go."

"Yeah, we can go," Tyler said softly, "you got everything?"

"I....well, I hope so," you said, trying to think everything over, which was kind of hard while you were still trying to soothe the baby.  "Do you have everything?"

"Yep," Tyler responded, although you weren't entirely sure he thought about the question the way he responded so easily, although he'd always been much more easy going than you.

"Are you sure?" you asked, "Because I didn't pack anything for the dogs."

Tyler raised his eyebrow in response, his lips quirking with a smile.  "Babe, you know I have packed for them without you before, and we managed to survive okay."

And you blinked because of course he was capable.  "No, I know," you said, giving him a sheepish little grin, "Sorry, I've just never traveled with a baby before, I feel like I've got a lot going on in my brain."

And now you were rewarded by one of Tyler's smiles that made you feel that much more comfortable.  "He's got somewhere to sleep, he's got outfits, and we've got his stroller," Tyler said, "So we run out of diapers or whatever, they do have stores there."

"I know," you said, feeling more relaxed now, "I did this when I took him on his first big outing to your mom's house.  I had to remind myself that all he really, really needs is food."

"Well, we better not leave you behind," Tyler joked, "And you're also with me this time, I can be your cute little errand boy."

"Oh yeah?" you laughed, because he was smiling like a cute little kid excited about something. 

"Mmhmm," he said, leaning in just close enough that your lips could touch.  "I'm gonna go stick your keys in the neighbour's mailbox and grab your the baby bag."

"Thanks," you said, sitting in the backseat and watching as Tyler jogged across the street, going to tuck your keys under the neighbour's welcome mat, where you'd asked the elementary school aged brother and sister who lived there to water your plants and bring in your mail for you in exchange for a little summer spending money, a job they'd been quite excited to do for you.  "Daddy's coming right back," you said to the backseat, your hand still resting on Bentley's chest.  He was still crying, of course, which was making Gerry whine and then Marshall was barking at Gerry, while Cash was just laying there looking up at you like you were supposed to be doing something to fix the baby.  Tyler bit back a laugh as he walked past the car at the ruckus that you were trying to contain inside, like your life was crazy but you loved it.   "He's fine, I promise," you said, leaning one arm into the backseat to pet Marshall.  "Sometimes babies just cry."

"Yeah, you should know," Tyler said, leaning behind you to stick something in the back and then sliding the diaper bag along the floor so it was in front of the car seat rather than under your feet.  "Don't you remember how you used to cry when I left when you were a baby?  Mom had to come over when she got home from work earlier in the summer to hang out with you.  Good thing Daddy was smart and bought a house nearby ."

"I knew you only moved here because I did!" you said, maybe louder than you should, but he always acted surprised when he claimed that he only just realized your house was a five minute drive away.

"I told you, it's a nice neighbourhood," he said, "And of course it's a bonus that I could just drop by and bug you whenever I want."

You laughed, because sometimes it was a bit of a bother when he dropped by unannounced, especially when he seemed to want to overlook all your first dates, although he did actually ask when you had had a steady boyfriend, but you kinda had grown to love the summertime, when it was just so easy to drop by his place to cook for two rather than for one or to split a pizza, or to have someone to watch T.V. with for a couple hours in the evening before you went to your respective houses.  Bentley gave another little angry cry, and you were jolted back into the present again, remembering that you weren't just two kids starting out on your adult lives anymore, that you had a whole other life you were responsible for.    "I think I should ride back here with him for a bit," you said, looking at Tyler a little guiltily because you wanted to spend time with him, to have him pull your hand into his and run his lips along your knuckles with a kiss like he did when you were at stoplights, or see the way his eyes darted towards you even behind his sunglasses while he drove, but you couldn't very well enjoy anything with Bentley upset in the back.

"Yeah, I thought you were going to want to," Tyler said, "that's why I left you space."

You smiled as he slid the seat in front of you forward a bit so you had more room, and you leaned over to pull out a toy to distract Bentley for a bit while Tyler went around the driver's seat, and you were thankful that he started the car immediately before he even went to buckle his seatbelt, because the vibrations at least would usually start to calm Bentley down.  "What kind of music do you want?" Tyler asked, looking back at you as he buckled the seat belt, like he was checking that you had your seat belt buckled up, too.

"Whatever you want," you said, trying to attract Bentley's attention with one of the crinkly toys that you could attach to his car seat or stroller, especially since anything that made that crinkly noise seemed to be what he was into right now, although it didn't seem to be overly interesting to him right now.  "Maybe something relaxing."

"I was talking to Bentley," Tyler said, looking back at you as he drove fairly slowly down to the end of the road where the stop sign was, "I'm trying to get a five star rating here, and he's being a bit of a tricky customer. "

You laughed, trying to tickle Bentley under his chin, encouraging him to look at you.  "Someone's trying to ask you something."

"Oh, you want your favourite album?" Tyler asked, pushing on the dash with his fingers and slowly turning up the volume so it wouldn't be too loud and scare the baby, you assumed, because he would definitely blast it with the intent of making you jump, trying your hardest not to smile when you heard the song coming through the speakers, running your fingers just above your eyebrows, because you'd half been expecting him to turn on some kind of children's music, even though you felt like that would give you an immediate headache.

"This is his favourite album or your favourite album?" you asked.

"Ummm.. his," Tyler said, like it was obvious, "It's Beerbongs and Bentleys."

"Yes, I know what it is," you laughed, seeing Tyler's eyes looking at you in the rearview mirror, just knowing what he what going to say.  "No, I did not name my child after a Post Malone album."

Tyler cracked up laughing, "He's kinda into it though."

Living alone for so long, you typically often had music going though, and spending so much time outside with Tyler in the summer, it wasn't unusual for you to have music going all day. "I think he just likes all music," you said, thinking that you really should look into music classes to give the two of you something to do when Tyler was at the gym or in the city.

"How did you even come up with his name?" Tyler asked, "You never told me that, usually you tell me everything."

You smiled, looking at Bentley, and then towards where Tyler was.  "Well, once I knew he was a boy, I knew his middle name was gonna be your name."

"You knew before you knew his first name?" Tyler asked, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Well, yeah," you smiled, obviously, feeling Bentley's hands moving around your own.  "So I just knew that I wanted a name that sounded good with yours, so I just looked through a bunch of those name websites and I just really liked the way the 'B' names sounded, and then I just could not get the name Bentley out of my head, and like "Bentley Tyler", I just loved the way it sounded."

"It suits him."

"Yeah," you said, "I think so.  I wanted to see him first before I decided, but I couldn't even think about anything right after either," you said, leaning your head once more to look at Bentley, perfect even though he was not happy.

"You didn't know before?"

"Well, I knew it was going to start with a 'B', and it was like 90% gonna be Bentley, I just wasn't 100% until after," you said, realizing know that Tyler had switched over to some quieter background music, something country and easy to listen to that you couldn't quite identify, "I didn't tell anyone my ideas though," you added, realizing that if things had been different, he'd probably have been the only one that you'd share it with.  "I just....I don't know."

"Wanted to keep something just between him and you?" Tyler asked.

"Yeah, I guess," you said, kind of realizing that you kind of had to rely on a whole group of other people as you'd navigated through this whole thing.  

"Honestly, it's a good thing you didn't tell me,  I would have cried, like, everyday until he was born, and only one of us should have been emotional.  Probably the one of us that was actually carrying the baby," Tyler said, clearing thinking, "What would you have done if he was a girl?  Tylerita?"

You were trying not to laugh at the way he was feigning seriousness to try and ask that, but then Bentley let out another cry and you tried not to laugh at that, reaching for his pacifier.  

"Awe, it's okay, bud, Mommy wouldn't name you that," Tyler said, "We know you're a boy."

"You were meant to be a boy, huh?" you asked, "Then you could have a special name."

You smiled at Tyler in the rearview mirror, watching his expression as he spoke to you.  "It's a good name," Tyler agreed,  "But Bentley suits you better though because you can't even say that in an angry way, it's just impossible.  If you ever get in trouble, we're gonna have to pull out the 'Bentley Tylerrrrr."

"Is that supposed to be your mom?" You laughed.

"Yeah, that's how I usually hear my name," he said, "he's a good boy though."

"Yeah," you said softly, using your thumb to wipe the couple tears from Bentley's face, now that he was making those infrequent little cry noises that were letting you know that he was starting to calm down, his pacifier abandoned now.  "You want to check out your toy now?" You asked, and he just looked at you, letting out one last little wail, feeling Gerry try to push his head over the seats, his sniffing nose loud in your ear, but not loud enough that you didn't catch the sweetest little baby giggles, Bentley's eyes now on Gerry, your eyes filling with the same gooiness you felt in your heart.  

"Is that funny, Bentley?" You asked, your eyes meeting Tyler's in the mirror again, seeking out his reaction to another one of Bentley's firsts, half laughing along with him.  By now Cash's head popped up too, checking on what this new noise was, Bentley making a noise that was half cooing half a laugh.  

"What're they doing?  Are they being silly?" Tyler asked in a soft voice, the light in the back flicking on now, "Where's Marshall?"

The sound that followed could only be described as pure delight, followed by the sound of tails hitting each other and everything that you had packed in the back, while you tried to stop the excited dogs from trying to crawl up, which Bentley still seemed to find hilarious.  "That's the cutest noise ever."

"Yeah, it is," Tyler agreed, "Yet, anyways.  Just wait until I get him going though, that'll be like a straight belly laugh."

"He's laughing pretty hard, babe," you said, mainly because you didn't want Tyler to be too disappointed if Bentley was laughing as hard as he possibly could right now, knowing that Tyler would likely do pretty much anything to elicit a laugh from him, Tyler grin at your term of endearment.

"He's just getting warmed up," Tyler insisted.  

And while you would have totally been happy to listen to Bentley laugh for the next 6 hours, you were happy that he did eventually fall asleep only so he wouldn't get too overtired later, honestly making it easy to the point where you could switch to the front seat and then back again when you stopped to change him or feed him.  When you did arrive, you put your coffee aside for the moment, just appreciating the peacefulness of the mountains, even though there were plenty of families out and about when you drove through the village, and to the home that you'd be staying in for the next week, perfectly tucked away from everything, Bentley peacefully in another nap.

"We're here," Tyler whispered in a sing-song voice, the dogs seeming to hear him anyways from where they'd been curled up in the back, restless to get out and explore.  "Is he still out?"

"Yeah," you said, although you could kind of notice his eyelids start to flicker once Tyler had shut the car off, your hand resting over the straps across his chest, trying to figure out if he was waking up enough to where you should take him out of his carseat, or if he was going to be grumpy if he was taken out before he was completely awake, his eyes flickering up at you like he didn't quite know what was going on his life, but he knew his mom was there so he was fine. "He did so good."

"Oh, he was awesome," Tyler agreed.

"Hi," you cooed at Bentley, leaning over as he shifted restlessly in his car seat, "I'm so proud of you."

Tyler cleared his throat loudly enough to attract your attention.  "I was well behaved, too."

"You grabbed my ass," you laughed, a grin spreading across Tyler's face, giving you a clue as to what his eyes were doing behind his sunglasses.

"You were in the backseat, I can't be a complete gentleman in the backseat," he said, and part of you wanted to shake your head at him, but you kind of loved his flirty quips, and you really just wanted to be able to soak up all the moments of being able to touch like that, especially when it was just you guys and you knew he was doing it purely because he wanted to, not because he had that little sliver of playfully trying to get a rise out of you.  "Leave him in there for one sec, babe?"

You didn't even have time to ask why, because then you were laughing because he was running around the side of the SUV, trying to get the dogs to stay as he climbed into the trunk with them.  "We forgot to take a picture," Tyler explained, phone extended in front of him like he was trying to take a selfie and wrangle the dogs into it at the same time.  "It's our first family trip."

"Okay, but wouldn't it be easier if you stayed in the front?"

"He's facing the wrong way," Tyler said, pointing towards Bentley, and you laughed, pushing back the sunshield that might have been covering part of his face, turning so you could get in the picture too, Tyler  shaking his keys and making little noises to try and get Bentley to look towards him, but all it seemed to be doing was encouraging Gerry to try and jump up on Tyler, although he did seem to get at least one that was acceptable, and you made a mental note that you'd have to ask someone to take a picture of all of you at some point, when you hadn't been in the car for six hours, too, Bentley's little hands stretching out into the air.  "You want my keys?"

You pulled Bentley out before he started getting upset, Tyler opening the door before you even had time to reach for it, smiling appreciatively at him, as you slid out, trying to secure the baby who was not squirming in your arms.  "What are you doing?" you laughed.

"He's stretching his legs," Tyler laughed, the dogs circling around both of you like they were doing the same thing, Bentley leaning back a little in your arms, and you hand to move your hands, Tyler laughing even harder, his hand reaching for Bentley's head.  "What? You stretching your back, too?"

Honestly, you weren't sure if he had moved quite so much since he was inside you, but you shifted, getting a better grip on him and thinking that he was probably ready to stretch out on a blanket and get some play time in.  "I'm probably going to have to get him a new car seat soon, he's almost too long," you said, kissing at Bentley's neck, "I probably should have just gotten him one that wasn't for newborns because I should have guessed he would have been big with you."

"Huh?" Tyler asked, looking from his phone back to where he was punching numbers into the lock box to grab the keys so you could get inside the house.  "What does his length have to do with me?"

"You're tall," you said, matter-of-factually  swaying back and forth with Bentley and smiling at him as you tried to keep an eye on the dogs.

"Yeah, but you've never told me I'm long," he said, laughing even before he got the words completely out. 

"Oh my god," you said under your breath, "that is not what I meant."

"Uh-huh," he said, grinning with the sarcasm, and you were trying to think of a rebuttal when you heard something metallic hit against a paving stone, turning.

"What was that?" you asked, trying to look around the baby.

"He threw my keys on the ground," Tyler said, sighing dramatically as he bent down to pick them up.  "You're supposed to be helping me hold them, dude."

"Say 'sorry, I'm still trying to figure out how to work my hands'." You didn't even realize Tyler had even given them to him, honestly, because you already had enough trouble making sure that Bentley didn't drop his own plastic car keys on his face.

"I think you did it on purpose," Tyler said teasingly, leaning over to plant playful kisses all over Bentley's belly.  "Not lambo keys, not Ferrari keys, you don't want it.  You so fancy.  Whatcha got on? Is that Baby Gap?"

You smiled at the way that Bentley was reacting happily the way Tyler was talking to and kissing him.  "Is he teasing you?" You asked, placing a kiss on Bentley's cheek, "Is that funny?"

"Nah, I'm going for laughs," Tyler said, trying to tickle Bentley's belly while Bentley just kind of looked at him, and you bit back a laugh at the fact that he smiled bigger once Gerry decided to jump against Tyler, forcing him to take a step.  "Okay, okay, you want to go check out where we're gonna hang out?"

And now you actually looked at the house that was before you, realizing that it stretched out much, much further than you'd initially thought.  "How big is this place?"  You hadn't actually done this part of the planning out, you only caveat being that there was enough space for Bentley's bassinet, and that there was either a sink big enough for you to bathe him or a bathtub, which apparently there were both, along with a hot tub which sounded nothing short of awesome to you, especially because you'd been pregnant the last time you'd been anywhere near one.

"Like the square footage?" Tyler asked, looking at you with a laugh, "I don't know."

"Like how many bedrooms?" you laughed, and now you were beginning to feel like you knew that he knew where you were staying was a little too much.

"Umm.." he said, the key in the lock now, "Five?  Something like that?"

"Five?" you repeated, "There's only two of us!"

"No, six, right?" Tyler said, moving his finger around to count all both you and him, and then Bentley, and the dogs, his face dropping dramatically.  "Damnit, I guess you and I are gonna have to share."

You laughed at the way he was leaned over against you like this was going to be a huge burden, lifting up with a sigh against Bentley.  "Okay, okay, I guess you can sleep over with us too, bud," he said, the dogs roaming around both of you, "Okay, okay, I guess you all can

Although, now that you were thinking about it, it wouldn't necessarily be a bad idea to have a couple of bedrooms, because then you and Tyler could be in one until you actually went to sleep, like you usually did at your room at home before you brought Bentley out of his room and into yours, and maybe you could actually try and see if you could handle letting him sleep in a room by himself so you could have a little alone time, although we were pretty certain that you'd have at least one dog in bed with you anyways, and Tyler never seemed like he was put out by having the Bentley sleep in the room with you.

Although, once you stepped inside, you could see that it wasn't nearly as...well, boujee as you may have been worried about, although you were certain it was still nicer and more than you ever would have spent.

"Most of the stuff up here is like for big groups of people to come skiing and stuff, I looked for something smaller but there wasn't really anything other than like a condo," Tyler said, "And this is good because he can be upstairs sleeping and we won't wake him up when we're playing games or whatever."

"Playing games?" you asked, because one thing you knew about Tyler was that he was not really one who would sit down for a round of Scrabble or Trivial Pursuit, unless, of course, he got to be on your team.

"Yeah, there's ping-pong and pool."

Of course there was.

"Oh, it's nice though," you said, because it was open and clean, everything minimal except for just the essentials, which was perhaps most what you loved about getting away.  

"Mhmm," Tyler mumbled, leaning around you to press a soft kiss to your lips, feeling him smile against you, which only made you relax into him more, even though his toes were forcing your feet to slide out of the flip flops you had on, kicking them out of the way as soon as you could before you all walked around the house you'd be staying in, this trip somehow seeing momentous even though you had traveled with Tyler before. 

"Oh, you know what we could do? We could have a big family vacation up here."

"Like with both of our families?"

"Yeah," you said, because you really couldn't think of anything that would be more fun for Bentley, once he was able to run around, than to be to have time to spend with all his aunts and his grandparents all at once, with little worry for bedtimes or the amount of treats he got in one day. 

"Uh..." Tyler said, and for a moment you thought maybe you'd overstepped, "That seems like a lot of girls.  But also a lot of home cooked food.  Why are both of our families like all girls?"

You laughed at the way he looked all stressed, like he really didn't love it even though you knew he did. "We would get like a big place," you said, "Or we don't even have to all stay in the same house, either, like -"

"Now that idea I like," Tyler said now, "We'll just rent places next to each other and then I can lock the door of ours when I'm done."

"Tyler," you laughed, "It'd be fun.  I thought it would be really fun for Bentley when he's older, not like right now."

"Oh, he'd love it," Tyler said, "All the boys would, I'm sure it'd be fun.  I just really like the idea of being able to lock the door."

You followed Tyler in looking around the house with Bentley, or rather you followed Gerry, his tail hitting against your legs every so often as you walked, him right on Tyler's heels, and Marshall and Cash not too far behind.  Except for when you had to stop to fix Bentley's pacifier clip, because it kept rubbing against you and you had to assume it was irritating Bentley as well, finding Tyler in the master bathroom, where he was laid out in the roomy bathtub, ducking down when he saw you, and you frowned with a laugh, and then he poked his head back up, and you realized he was trying to play with Bentley.  "Do you think this is big enough for you to have a bath with Mom tonight, Bentley?" Tyler asked him, and you looked at Bentley, wondering now if he was big enough to actually try that with, but he was just looking at Tyler rather than you.  

"He's wondering why you're in the tub with clothes on," you said.

"Do you see how she talks to me?" Tyler asked with a gasp, climbing out of the tub now, "Always trying to get me naked."

"That is not at all what I said," you laughed, although you really would not mind taking a bath with him at all, either, again. "You're the one whose barged in on me in the bath like all the time."

"Uh-huh, when you were this big," Tyler said to Bentley, his fingers barely any space apart.  "Now you're so big you already know how to laugh."

Tyler tried tickling him again, and you shifted, trying to see if you could bounce some giggles out of him at least.  "That's not his tickle spot."

"Where is?" he asked.

"I'll show you," you said, hands moving around Bentley's torso as you walked back into the bedroom, laying him out on the bed and leaning over him, kissing along the ridge of his neck, and making faces and little noises as you tickled him under his arms, Bentley smiling and making little noises back to you, feeling the bed dip as Tyler leaning over Bentley, too, his hand going out when Gerry jumped up to make sure he didn't accidentally step on the baby, Gerry sweetly curling up to lay down, and Tyler laying against him, his hands going around Gerry's back.

"Bentley," Tyler said in a sing-song voice, taking Gerry's ears and stretching them out so they were held out from his face, Bentley still kicking his arms and legs happily, but not laughing, Tyler letting Gerry's ears drop defeatedly, and then Gerry shaking his head like he had water in them.  "I thought you thought the puppies were funny."

"Maybe he just doesn't think you're funny," you grinned, because Tyler had already made fun of you relentlessly for not being funny when you had tried to get Bentley to laugh again in the car.  

"Yeah," Tyler deadpanned, breaking into a smile.  "He's probably got your sense of humour, that's the problem."

"No, you make me laugh all the time."

"Yeah, I do," Tyler said cockily, and then you were laughing again when he delicately tackled you into the bed, kissing along your neck like you had been with the baby.

*****

You were honestly really, really glad that you had grabbed the pancake mix  and cereal the day before, when you'd gone grocery shopping after you felt relaxed with all the baby stuff set up in your place.  You’d  done nothing other than taking the dogs for a walk and then spent a quiet night in with watching movies and eating the pizza and the popcorn you'd picked up as well.  You weren't sure if it was all the sleeping he'd done in the car ride yesterday or just because his routine was off, but it meant that he hadn't really slept that great last night.  Luckily he wasn't overly crabby, just staying up with you guys later than he would usually, and you were up with him several times in the night, finally starting your day just after the sun had risen. And while Tyler had gotten up with you a couple of times, he was such a deep sleeper that he often just half mumbled towards you,whereas you'd be completely awake, so it was just easier to let him sleep, especially when he couldn't really do anything.  You did however still love the way he'd wrap his arms around you when you came back to bed, half asleep, even nuzzling his morning wood between your thighs, sighing peacefully before he'd fall back asleep.

Then you'd had trouble falling back asleep for an entirely different reason.

You'd somehow managed to creep out of the bedroom without waking Tyler, because you knew he was exhausted from the drive yesterday even though he didn't let on, hanging out outside with the dogs for a bit.  Once you’d come in,  you'd unearthed a waffle maker in one of the cabinets, having warm waffles and coffee with some fresh berries almost ready by the time Tyler had finally woken up, even though you knew he’d just have happily have taken you out for breakfast.  He didn’t have any problems enjoying the waffles, though.

You were happy just to take things slow, though, with no other plans other than to head out to do a little shopping at some point.  At least that was what you thought until Tyler ever so gently suggested that maybe you wanted to go get changed out of your PJ's while Bentley was having some morning playtime.  When you came back, Tyler was only slightly more reclined on the floor, looking up at you with soft eyes.  "You got milk for him in the fridge, right?"

"You think he's hungry?" you asked, because he seemed completely content, Tyler having flipped him onto his tummy so he could look at the dogs, the few toys you'd put out for Bentley now in Tyler's hand, although you weren't sure if that was to entertain the baby, or to try and keep them away from Gerry.

"Noo," Tyler said, drawing out the word and looking up at you with puppy dog eyes.  "Just in case he gets hungry while you're out."

"Where am I going?" you laughed.

"To the spa," he said, like this was something that you should already have known, "For your massage.  And you should probably leave soon if you want to have a sauna or a steamer before your appointment."

"What?" you said, rather dumbly, even though you knew by the look in his eye that he was serious.  "Tyler...."

"You love massages," Tyler said, "And you've got that weird neck thing from holding the baby and feeding the baby and stuff.  You need a massage."

"You rub my neck all the time."

"A professional," Tyler said.

"You have really strong hands," you said, and Tyler just looked at you and laughed.   "Well, what about you, like you -"

"Get massages all the time," he finished.  "And we're trying to have guy time so if you could just.."  

You laughed at the way that he just shook his hand like he was trying to tell you to shoo away, but you took a couple of steps towards him and he smiled up at you from the floor,  and then leaned down, kissing him, his fingers reaching to thread through yours like he needed to touch you in some way when you kissed. "Thank you," you whispered onto his lips, and he smiled against you.

"I texted all the stuff to your phone," he said, his hands pulling away from yours just briefly.  "And you might need these."

You laughed, looking down at the plastic car keys that Tyler had pressed into your hand, going to push the big button on them, the music playing obnoxiously, Bentley making noises in response ashe tried to keep his head looking up, and then getting frustrated, and you instinctively picked him up before he started to cry.  "My keys are on the table," Tyler said.  

"Okay," you said, rocking back and forth with Bentley, "I pumped this morning so there's milk in the fridge.  And his bottles are in the diaper bag, he ate a couple hours ago so he might be hungry in like an hour-ish?"

"Mmk," Tyler said easily, tossing the plastic car keys back and forth in his hand.

"Are you gonna have fun with Uncle Ty-Ty?" You asked Bentley, "what are you guys gonna do?"

"We can't tell you, you're a girl," Tyler said, passing the baby over to him now that he was standing up,  Bentley started to cry pitifully almost immediately, and Tyler bit back a laugh.  "Yeah, I know, Ilike that girl, too.  She'll come back though."

You leaned down, kissing Bentley on the forehead, smoothing your hand over the top of his head.  "You'll be okay, Mommy's just gonna go bye-bye for a little bit."

"Going bye-bye?" Tyler laughed, and you gave him a look, still crouched in front of Bentley, kissing him again, because he had been going through this phase where he knew when it was someone other than you holding him, which made leaving him that much harder.  Tyler followed you through the house and out to the car, the baby in one arm so that he could open up the driver's side door for you, letting the dogs roam around the grassy area in front of the house.  Tyler kiss you once more, and then you laughed against each other as Bentley fussed in his arms.

  "You want one more kiss, too?" Tyler asked him, lifting Bentley up so that you could kiss him goodbye through the window, waving your hand as you started the car. 

"You be good, okay?" you asked, rubbing his arm once more.

"I mean, I'll try, but I'm not gonna promise anything," Tyler said, and you smiled at him.

"Love you guys."

"Love you, too," Tyler responded, and then you couldn't stop smiling at him waving Bentley's little hand as you drove away, fairly certain that you could hear Tyler say that Mommy was going bye-bye but they were gonna have so much fun, walking around barefoot in the grass with the dogs, and you knew it wouldn't be long before he got distracted.

When you came back, beautifully drowsy and  wonderfully light, it was only Marshall who greeted you at the door, and you could only assume that Cash was still guarding the baby, hearing quiet other than the murmur of the T.V., somehow recognizing the drone of golf announcers, turning the corner to see Tyler stretched out on the couch with nothing other than a pair of shorts on, Bentley resting on his bare chest, dressed in nothing other than a diaper and his eyes looking quite heavy, Cash laid out on the floor in front of them, and Gerry between Tyler's legs with his head resting by Tyler's hip, probably because Bentley was in his usual spot with Tyler.  You ran your hand over Bentley's back, taking in the empty bottle next to Tyler's coffee mug on the end table, mouthing a 'hi' to Tyler, your hands reaching for Gerry's and then Cash's head.  "Did he spit up?"

Tyler shook his head,  and then noticed that you looking at the naked baby.  "He's fine, I only took his clothes off because I needed to give him a bottle."

"What?" you said, wondering if there was something you were missing, your head spaced out.

"This is how we figured out that he likes me to feed him," Tyler said, gesturing at his bare chest and Bentley's body.  "He's happier like this, I think he likes that it's more cuddly and he gets the skin-to-skin so it's more like when you feed him."

"Oh, okay," you said, nudging Gerry aside so you could sit down next to him on the couch, half wondering how long Tyler had been doing this with him for, not that you were terribly worried because he clearly wasn't cold, Bentley's blanket tossed over the back of the couch.  "How was he?"

"So good," Tyler said, "He only really cried when you left and then he got a bit mad because I was taking too long to get his bottle ready and he's used to more fast food service.   But we've just been been hanging out being golf watching buds.  He loves it."

You were pretty sure Bentley's eyes were actually closed, though, and it may have been Tyler who loved it more, but you couldn't deny that he looked completely content with Tyler and you loved that, almost not wanting to disturb them but half curling up on the couch with them anyways.  

"How was your massage?" Tyler asked in a whisper, his eyes looking rather heavy too.

"So good," you said, almost drunk off the feeling, and you really hoped that you turned this into an annual type of thing like you wanted, because you kind of wanted to go back there with him, just the two of you, while Bentley hung out at home.  

You couldn't say you were entirely too surprised that you'd all ended up falling asleep on the couch though, finally leaving the house in the afternoon, with plans for shopping and grabbing dinner out, before you came home to take the dogs out for your regular evening walk, Tyler pulling the stroller out of the trunk, while you got Bentley out of his carseat, reaching to grab his diaper bag.  "Look how cute these are," you said, tucking what were maybe the smallest sunglasses you'd ever seen onto Bentley's face.  

"Awe, you got shades, dude?" Tyler asked, "I like them."

"I don't know if he'll keep them on or not," you said, "But they're so cute, I can't."

You were honestly pretty happy when Tyler offered to take a picture before you tucked Bentley into his stroller, a grin on Tyler's face as he looked flipped through the photos on his phone, and you felt like you could read his thoughts.  "Such a stud."

"You can post it to your story," you said.

"Instagram?" Tyler asked, like he was a little surprised, but you could tell he was happy about it, too.  "Yeah?"

"Yeah, he makes me happy," you said, tucking his wubbanub in next to him as you started to walk.  "And I think he might make other people, too."

"Well, duh," Tyler said, already going to post it quickly, his fingers sliding along the keys, and then slipped his phone underneath into one of the pockets on the diaper bag, like he wanted to stay in the present.  "Where do you want to go first?"  

"Swimsuits," you answered, one hand on the stroller, the other sliding into Tyler's.  "Get that over with first."

"Get it over with?" he laughed, "I don't know, watching you try on swimsuits sounds fun to me."

It wasn't, because it never really was, and you weren't really even sure what fits your body quite right now, everything having changed already.  But you really wanted to have a bathing suit, even though Tyler had insisted that you pretty much did not need one for sitting in the hot tub with him, but he did agree that it would be a good idea for you to have one so that you could go in the pool with Bentley at his mom's house this summer, for splashing in the lake, too, maybe.  

You had an idea that Tyler would make it fun, though, and usually he would teasingly complain about going shopping with you and other girls, although you knew he secretly was okay with it, but this whole thing had actually been his whole idea.   It had been so long you thought, since you'd stepped into a store that greeted you with a whole table full of panties with him, not since he was trying to convince Kirsten to buy the skimpiest thongs like a teenage boy does.  You’d  almost been intimidated by him back then, not because you had hidden feelings for him, but because he seemed so much more comfortable and confident in himself than you did.

But he'd still go and get you other sizes before the sales associate did.

Now, though, there was hardly any distance between you, his hand on yours, only slipping away when the sales associate greeted you first, and then him.

"You are way, way too young to be in a place like this," Tyler whispered to Bentley, sliding his hand over the baby's eyes briefly as if to shield them, and you laughed, steering  the stroller back to where the bathing suits were, taking a deep breath as you tried to contemplate whether you were going to be a two piece or a one piece girl now.  

"What do you like?" You asked Tyler, who merely gave you a little half smile.

"All of them?" 

At least if he wasn't helping with that, though, he was keeping Bentley entertained, pushing  the stroller back and forth and interacting with him, acting like he'd easily stay there all day waiting for you.  

You could hear laughter from other women in the dressing room, the music playing as you pulled on a one piece with what hadn't seemed like much of a deep v when you grabbed it but looked more pornstar esque on you, quickly stripping that off and pulling on a tribal patterned one piece, with a high neck, pulling it around your chest, opening the door and looking for Tyler, tiptoeing towards the open expanse of the store, spotting him pushing the stroller through the racks of pyjamas.  

"Tyler," you whisper yelled, his head turning to look at you, eyes unabashedly running down your legs.  

"I need help," you mouthed, and now he directed the stroller back towards the fitting room area, leaning over the stroller when he got close.  

"What? You don't think it fits?" 

"No, it's fine, I just don't know how I would breastfeed with this, and I grabbed a bunch of stuff with this high top thing because I thought it would hold stuff in? I don't know."

Tyler gave you a little smile.  "Do you want me to grab you some other ones?"

"Would you?" You asked, hopefully, because you had visions of trying to juggle everything, with Bentley getting fussy, Tyler having to take him outside.  

"Yes," he laughed, pausing for a moment, eyes wandering again, stepping in towards you, his thumb rubbing over your hip bone, pushing up the band of the swimsuit, revealing the faded purple mark that had appeared after that encounter after Canada Day in his bathroom, saying in a soft voice as he rubbed his thumb back and forth, a sharp contrast to how he'd given it to you, "Did I do that?" 

"Mhm," you said, even though if you had your head together you could have made smartass remark that, no, it was your other boyfriend. "You have, like, a thing for that," you said, although this was definitely a new thing, like he wouldn't dare leave marks on you before you were his and he was yours.

"Whoops," Tyler said, like he was actually a wee bit remorseful, his hand running down the back of his hat, and then into around the back of his neck, "I mean, I wouldn't be mad if you gave me a hickey back."

"Okay," you said softly, giving him a look with your eyes that he should go, because there were teenage girls and you were supposed to be adults, not,half wanting to pull him back into the dressing room with you for a moment, to give him a kiss like you wouldn't dare in the bright light of the store.  

"Okay," Tyler said, turning with the stroller now, "See, this is what guys have to do when they go shopping with girls, you can't just sit there, you've got all these errands to run."

You shared a look with the sales associate, still smiling when you went back into the dressing room, thinking about them walking around together like you had pictured them hanging out together practically the entire time you were getting your massage.

"Babe?" you heard Tyler call, and you responded, seeing another group of bathing suits being tossed over the door, opening the door yourself once you had the next option on, looking out towards the store, but instead seeing Tyler with Bentley on his lap and looking at his phone turned sideways in hand, and you could see some sort of cartoon playing on his phone in the reflection in the mirror.  

"Wow," he said, while you were looking at the dark blue and white striped suit two piece, which you didn't quite feel comfortable in, Tyler's hands sliding over Bentley's ears.  "That's like straight MILF."

You felt your face flush, even thought his words were meant to be teasing.  "I just don't know about the top," you said again, because you could foresee Bentley pulling at the straps of the halter tie once he was big enough, and Tyler tilted his head.  

"Mmm...the bottoms are definitely good though," he said, looking back up at your face again, bouncing the baby on his lap.  "Bentley saw this one with flowers all over it that's all one piece.  It's in the pile."

"Yeah," you said, "I had picked that one out, too, I just haven't tried it on yet."

"Look, you got good taste," Tyler said to Bentley, and you went back in, trying on the one piece with ruffles around the straps and the chest, making you feel a little like you were covered up and could actually move and play in the water, but it was cut a little higher around the ass like the last suit that Tyler liked, Tyler drifting Bentley's chin up to look to you when came out of the dressing room, "Wow, you think Mama looks pretty?"

You smiled, because this you could see yourself hanging out in the pool in, Tyler standing up  with Bentley as you looked at yourself in the mirror, Tyler's one hand coming up and going down into the top of the suit, palming at your breast before you could even realize what he was doing.  

"Tyler!" you whisper yelled, looking around as if people could see you.

"What?" he asked, carefully removing your hand.  "I'm just testing to make sure you can feed the kid, I'm helping."

"Okay," you laughed, ready to just get the suit and move on to more fun shopping things, like dresses and shorts, looking for something for Bentley to wear that would commemorate your trip, like the onesie Tyler had bought him home for Texas.  So, you were a little surprised when you opened the door again and Tyler was standing there with a black suit, that had a high neckline again, but sheer panelling down the centre of the swimsuit and around the waistline.  

"I was gonna get this one, I don't want the high neckline."

"I know, not to buy, I just wanted to see what it looked like on you?" he asked, innocently enough. "Please?"

"Okay," you said, taking the suit from him, and going back into the fitting room, tossing the suit you were planning to buy over the handle of the stroller.  You pulled it on, and you weren't gonna lie, it looked good, though it wouldn't typically be something you would pick out and would definitely be impractical, even though it really didn't show an impressive amount of skin.  When you came back out, though, Tyler's eyes were dark as he swept over your body, briefly pulling his lips together like he was concentrating on something, making a little motion for you to turn around and you obliged, not even caring who saw.  

"Yeah," Tyler said, his voice coming out a little high and wispy, before he cleared his throat.  "You should definitely get something like that sometimes, yeah."

He gave you kind of a curious look, and you tried to hide the smile when you thought about the dress that you'd packed for your date, which was kind of similar in a way,  because you wanted something that was sexy and yet appropriate enough for when you had your three month old in tow. And it was kind of hard to figure out what Tyler found sexy, because he seemed to like you in anything and everything.  

Luckily, the more adult thoughts that were coming into your mind seemed to disappear when you changed back into the clothes you'd came in, finding Tyler holding Bentley in front of the mirror, letting him check himself out.  He turned when he saw your reflection, and your heart melted all over again when you saw Bentley's little sunglasses hanging out of Tyler's shirt next to his, the top of his tattoo peeking out over top.    "Why are you looking at my chest like that?" 

"I was looking at the sunglasses," you said, "it's cute."

"Mmm...well then I'll remember to put them on them if it's bright when we go outside," Tyler said, smiling like he had it all figured out.  

You honestly weren't even sure now if you had needed to bring the stroller, because Tyler ended up just carrying Bentley while you pushed it and went into Roots, picking out a little shirt for Bentley that said "Everyone Loves Canadian Boys" which Tyler seemed to think was quite true, and a little tank top romper, which Tyler seemed to think was a bit ridiculous,  but you pointed out that it was really the only time in his life that he could actually wear it and look cute, and you thought it was summery and adorable.

Honestly, it was so much easier shopping with Bentley then you'd initially thought, especially with Tyler being able to carry him around, because there were so many things for him to look at, that he couldn't not be entertained, so you really appreciated that he would just kind of walk back and forth from the fitting room with him, taking him for little walks around the store, and you felt satisfied in  that you could get some things to add to your wardrobe, shorts you could actually button up that didn't feel like you were trying to stuff yourself into.   You were glad that you were done, though, because he was starting to get a little fussy, and you could hear him crying on and off in the store, which was honestly making you feel like you were getting close to needing to find somewhere to feed him pretty damn soon.

You swore you could hear Tyler talking to someone when you came out of the fitting rooms, him standing next to the stroller and holding Bentley now, talking to a couple girls you didn't recognize, but could tell from the looks on their faces that they were fans, and you heard them ask if they could get a picture, which happened sometimes, but it hadn't happened since you'd been a thing, nor while he was holding your baby.  Tyler's eyes bouncing back and forth from Bentley to them, like he was trying to formulate his thoughts, shifting the baby in his arms.  "I..uh...can't right now," he said, making a motion with his hand.  "I can sign something for you though, you got a pen?  Or I think.."

He was looking down at the diaper bag, likely knowing that you always had a pen in your purse always, and you quicken your steps, closing the gap between you easily.  "Here, I got him," you said, taking Bentley into your arms, Tyler giving you an appreciative glance, and you shifted Bentley off to the side, holding your hand out.  "Do you want me to take it?"

Somehow, you managed to do it all, getting a clear shot, smiling as the girls thanked you, their enthusiasm contagious, and yet kind of feeling a little like you should be standing off to the side with the baby as he talked for just a minute longer, Tyler's arms slowly moving onto your lower back as they said goodbye and wished him luck for next season, moving with you so you could go and grab the items you had decided on, Tyler taking the stroller this time while you kept Bentley, feeling like he was going to get upset if you tried to put him down or give him back to Tyler now that you were holding him.  

"He saw a store that he wanted to go to," Tyler said, tickling at Bentley's side.  

"Oh did he?" you laughed.

"Uh-huh, a store with stuffed animals," Tyler said, nodding across the street.  "We had to go outside for a bit, he was not into looking at the clothes."

"Okay," you laughed, shifting back and forth. "Then I think we're gonna have to go find somewhere so he can eat."

"There's like a bench down there by the water," Tyler said, nodding down to the end of shopping complex after you'd held the door open so he could get the stroller through.  "If that works, or we can go back to the car?"

"No, that's perfect," you said, your pinky finger finding his again,  going into what you assumed was the québécois version of Build-a-Bear.  And, obviously, he was way, way too young to even be interested in  stuffed animals like this or understand anything that was going on around him, but you were damn excited to actually have someone to take into these kinda stores.  "Woah, look at all the animals.  There's bears and penguins, and monkeys, and kitties."

"And a dragon," Tyler said, taking care to fly it in front of Bentley, who smiled, although you weren't sure if it was because of the toy or because of the sound effects that Tyler was making.  

"Oh my god, babe, look," you said, "they have a black lab, no stores ever have black labs, it's Cash." 

And you knew, because he had stuffed puppies that were brown and yellow, and even blue, but nothing black, already bending down to pick it up because you didn't even care how much it was, he needed it in his collection.  

"Do you like it?" Tyler asked Bentley, "Is that your Cash doggy?"

"He needs it," you said, as if Tyler was even going to argue with you about it, smiling at you.  And Tyler ended up being the one to get it for him, because Bentley decided he wasn't willing to wait any longer to eat, meeting you at the bench when you were already all set up to feed him, nestling the little black labrador in Bentley's spot in the stroller, Tyler coming to sit down next to you, staring out at the water.  Because sometimes it was just so freaking easy with him, both of you just moving around the baby like you didn't even have to communicate about his care.

It was really peaceful,  until Tyler's lips went to your temple and then brushing your neck as you sat in the comfortable silence.  "Mmm....don't..kiss me there when I'm feeding the baby."

"What? You don't like it?"

"No, no, I do," you said quickly, because you could see Tyler's mind flying through all the times he'd kissed you on the neck.  "Too much."

"Oh," Tyler said, knowingly, his eyes meeting yours with a smile.  "'K."

But you didn't want him to feel like he couldn't touch you while you were nursing, even though you were close enough that you were sure that Bentley's foot was brushing against Tyler's side,  resting your free hand on his leg, Tyler giving you a bit of a look, reaching for your hand and moving it closer to his knee.  "What? You're not the only one whose allowed to have feelings."

"Oh," you said, quietly, and Tyler stuck his tongue out at you, but his hand remained in yours, holding it.  And it was maybe kinda 10 minutes later, after you'd talked about where you were going to go to dinner, that he leaned forward to grab his phone, setting it up to capture nothing other than his hand in yours, the light reflecting of the water and the path in the background, typing LOML with one hand, and using his thumb to push the button to send it to his Instagram Story, sliding his phone back away.

"LOML?" you said, "What is LOML?"

He gave you a strange look, lips quirked in amusement,  laughing.  "Love of my life."

"Really?" you asked, feeling a little short of breath.

"Yeah," he said, turning his head so he could connect his lips with yours.  "Duh.  You know that."

[fasciaedge-blog]

5 motivations to begin self back rub today!

Massage Tools Vancouver

We as a whole know the significance of self-care and back rub it’s been a great many years when the human beans are dealing with their bodies to proceed with their lives torment free sickness free, so I will shrink away from the real issue for quite a while how about we start right presently reason number one

1-Muscle awkward nature:

In our everyday life, we are under a colossal measure of worry from work, from driving and from driving with a transport, taxi’s, Uber, and so forth. What’s more, through the entirety of this, our stance isn’t the best. We as individuals and as an animal categories rely upon our foremost or frontal chain muscles. This implies your muscles in the front of your body are working far more than the muscles of the rear of your body. These muscles incorporate your neck muscles as well as your upper back, mid-back and lower back muscles. Your glutes, your butt muscles, your hamstrings, your calves and right down to your toes, including your plantar sash. That drives us to an answer. To accomplish the strong harmony between our frontal chain muscles and our back muscles and fascial chains, extending and doing a myofascial discharge for your frontal chain is imperative. This myofascial discharge can be accomplished by utilizing my belt discharge devices FasciaEdge alongside different apparatuses like a tennis ball, lacrosse ball, golf ball or any ASTM (instrument helped delicate tissue activation) device. These apparatuses can be elusive on Amazon however check this connection for the five best myofascial discharge devices here.

2-Lymphatic Drainage

Directly under the skin, there’s something many refer to as the Lymphatic framework which is just a system of lymph vesicles that are like veins however littler that covers all your body. The Lymphatic framework is entirely like our trash administration it’s constantly accessible for you to dump all the poisons, all the overabundance fat, all the abundance hormones and overabundance components into it, out of your body. Sadly in light of our ways of life and what we eat on an everyday premise, we have in our bodies a ton of superfluous and unfortunate components. Along these lines, the Lymphatic framework gets worn out and it can’t carry out its responsibility appropriately. For instance, “recall when the trash organization came and got your trash yet at the same time your trash receptacles are stinky and have some leftover trash!” That’s actually what befalls your Lymphatic seepage framework when it gets over-burden and mishandled. It begins overlooking a couple of things to a great extent in your framework. You will begin to see stores of this “trash” on your body. You’ll discover a few dimples to a great extent on your stomach zone, legs and rump and that is on the grounds that the framework is attempting to secure you. All things considered, your body doesn’t need these poisons to return to the circulation system and the heart. That being stated, utilizing a decent myofascial discharge device to rub yourself will assist with depleting these abundance poisons in your Lymphatic framework and belt. Locate the best lymphatic seepage instruments here.

3-Strengthening your Immune System:

Flushing the poisons out of your body drives us to a superior resistant framework. The body turns out to be progressively arranged to battle infections, contagious diseases and other unwanted organisms.

Unnecessary to make reference to a solid eating routine would help massively with this stage as well. I propose checking this liver salvage 3,6,9. It worked supernatural occurrences for me by and by, I trust it’d do in you as well.

4-Mobility

What’s more, presently we are moving onto something significant, which is versatility. My grandmother was a Yogi and she had the option to do (ass to grass) until the finish of her wonderful solid life. She generally demanded sitting and extending, doing yoga and being dynamic as well as could be expected. So get yourself a decent apparatus and work on your muscles so you can improve versatility. As I would see it, it’s better than heading off to a stinky yoga class. Try not to misunderstand me I love yoga and I regard my grandmother yet yoga all by itself won’t discharge your trigger-focuses.

5- Being ready for tomorrow 

When we are using our muscles regularly in our day to day lives, sitting in an office for long periods of time, typing and poor posture, one set of muscles will be working way more than the other. The solution, for now, is to work those underused muscles, massage them to squeeze the lactic acid out of them and make them recover faster. You will become ready for tomorrow whatever that challenge may be. Another good point to consider; if you are already working out those muscles the best thing you can do is to release your muscles, massage your muscles, stretch them and flush the lactic acid out of them. This is essential for your recovery stage and for enhancing your muscle energy and for tomorrow's workout. So massage yourself daily, after a long day of work or after a workout and let tomorrow bring whatever it wants to bring. Self-care is very important for our physical and emotional state because if you wake up in the morning and your body is feeling achy and you're feeling tired that's going to mess up your whole day!

[moomingitz]

If you wrote a fake Sonic Boom episode with your Sonic Boom version of Chris Thorndyke in it what would it be about?

I have entertained the idea of a satirical episode about piracy:

Sonic and his friends are excited to watch a screening of their favorite movie until they learn the studio of ‘said movie was not only bought out by a bigger corporation, but now the movie and many others they like have been taken out of circulation from both theaters and home video. They go to Amy’s house and try to watch the movie with an old copy but it’s seen better days and doesn’t play at all. The movie is not on a streaming service and even if it was the internet service is terrible where they live and there the streaming service market is flooded. They can’t even listen to any music because Amy’s records, tapes, and discs are beginning to deteriorate. Tails can’t even open and use a program he already has on his computer, seeing it now switched to a monthly subscription service and the version he had was disabled by the company after forcing an update on him.

There’s a knock at the door and they’re greeted by Chris(who normally tries to avoid them for reasons) deadpan telling Sonic to tell Sticks to stop placing buckets of water around his shed and that he’s not alien for the tenth time. Chris learns all of the misfortunes that just happened to Sonic and his friends so far that night. He offers to use the film and music equipment he has on hand and with help from Tails to digitally transfer all their movies and music CDs for them. On top of that, he helps Tails crack the program and get around the monthly subscription bullshit it now goes by.

The next day Dave tries to play some video games with Chris but the console is starting to get worn down and it either plays the games like shit or can’t play them at all. They try to play something on the computer but Dave lost the DMR codes for his computer games. Chris offers to help Dave rip the ROMS from his video games and do the same thing for his computer games and completely bypass the DRM.

Sonic and his friends, and Dave, start sharing all of the media Chris helped them digital transfer or rip online. A fuck ton of people download it, and in return also share it with other people online and it explodes from there.

People in the movie, TV, music, and other media, industries inevitably take notice, and the reactions and opinions very. Tommy Thunder, Justin Beaver, and Dixon, are not very happy because it’s cutting into their massive prophets because now they can’t afford things like the super-duper deluxe private jets and have to settle for the super deluxe ones. Comedy Chimp and Vector are at first weary of the rise of piracy, until Comedy Chimp see’s older films of his that bombed are having new life breathed into them due to the exposure they’ve been getting from people illegally downloading them offline, and Vector see’s old episodes of his show that were believed to be lost in a fire start surfacing online from people who recorded them when they originally aired. T.W. Barker starts taking advantage of the whole by selling poor quality bootleg copies of movies and shitty ROM hack video game carts. The Lightning Bolt Society start up a ROM and emulator sharing website and several more pop up right after.

Studios and corporations begin to become not only more strict on what people can and cannot do with the media they buy from them, but it gets to draconian levels. Sonic buys a new music cassette and tries to listen to it with his friends, but an exec shows up and slaps it out his hands before he can and informs Sonic that each of his friends need to pay a fee if they also want to listen to it. Same thing happens when Dave tries to play a video game with Chris.

Things eventually come to a head when Eggman starts attacking the village, angry over not only all of his videos being hit with DMCAs and copyright strikes, but a livestream of his even being taken down because a popular song could be heard very, very, very faintly in the background.

All the while Chris is nervously sweating watching all of the shit going down around him, and how he never intended for his simple gestures of kindness to lead to things getting so out of hand.