#there are some aspects of the situation that still feel really suspicious though like the fact that not much stuff has been leaking

[sonknuxadow]

what if the "Multiple Insider Sources" who told people that keanu reeves is voicing shadow are part of an elaborate prank and they were lying to throw people off the trail of the real voice actor (<- coping)

[bachiras-toaster]

seven minutes in heaven : ̗̀➛

YUTA OKKOTSU x afab!reader

cw: yuta is a boob guy, reader has tear-shaped boobs, shamefully pervy!yuta, all characters aged up, drunk!reader, alcohol, virgin!yuta

wc: 4k

The truth was, Yuta liked you. He liked your humour, your personality, your smile, and practically everything about you. Although, one of the aspects of your being he felt that he was so shamefully attracted to was your body- Every part of it, actually. Especially your boobs.

He had seen them up close and personal a few times when he had conversations with you, but for the most part, he had kept his distance. Though, despite having to admire them from far away, he could never take his eyes off your chest no matter what you were wearing. V-necks and low cut tops were a heavenly sight to him and he had always thanked his lucky stars whenever he saw you rock up to outings with the group in them, however he was also attracted enough to you to appreciate when you didn't have any cleavage on display. Even when you wore things like turtlenecks or t-shirts, he still loved how he could see the outline and shape of your breasts and he loved leaving it up to the imagination.

He had only really confided in two people about his little crush on you: and that was Inumaki and Panda. Being the other two guys he was the closest with in the friendship group, he felt like he could really trust them. They had never gone against his trust, however it had often become a topic of teasing, especially when they were faced with an opportunity to push Yuta outside of his comfort zone. Whenever they saw that you were slightly revealing tops, they would shoot glances at Yuta to see if he was staring- Which he always was, every single time. Though it seemed like now their confidence in wingmaning had become a lot more daring thanks to a house party that one of their friends had hosted.

Needless to say, drinking was involved, and you were starting to feel the effects of partying. Others had also gotten quite drunk, such as people like Nobara and Yuji, but neither were quite as bold as you were when you were drunk. You were someone who already loved taking risks when you were sober, so being drunk practically meant that you were up for any challenge that came your way.

Yuta meekly watched from the corner as Panda and Inumaki conversed with Nobara on the other side of the room in hushed voices. He hadn't been suspicious at first, but when he saw them shooting gazes back at him and pointing, he felt his heart drop. They were his friends. Surely they weren't saying anything bad, right? Part of him wanted to get up there and join in on their conversation just to see what all the fuss was about, but as he put his cup to the side to get up from his seat, Nobara erupted into a loud cackle and cupped her hands together to yell at the people situated in the lounge.

"Alright! Who's ready for some seven minutes in heaven?!" She screamed excitedly, causing a loud uproar of eager cheers to fill the living room. Yuta gasped when he heard the announcement, turning towards Inumaki and Panda, who had already made their ways back to his side, chuckling.

"What did you do-?! Did you tell her to host a game of seven minutes in heaven?!" Yuta asked frantically in a flustered tone, already feeling his cheeks blush a shade of bright red.

"Salmon." Inumaki held the thumbs up with a proud smile.

"Relax, Nobara's totally in on the plan." Panda wrapped his arm around Yuta's shoulder, copying the hand gesture that Inumaki had held up. The black-haired man simply shoved Panda's large arm off of his shoulders and stared at him, absolutely horrified.

"Plan?! What plan?!" His voice pitched a high and terrified tone. "What did you tell her?! I was just asking about the game!"

"Stop worrying. She's not gonna tell anyone. She's totally reliable." Panda assured him, holding his paw on Yuta's shoulder in a quick attempt to calm him down. "She asked us how we thought we could make the party more interesting and we just... Briefly mentioned how a good game could bring you and (Y/n) closer together!"

"Tuna!"

"If you could believe it, she actually wanted (Y/n) to get closer with someone! She didn't explicitly mention you, but she said how she always noticed how boring (Y/n)'s like must be without a partner."

"You had no right to tell her that—!" Yuta made a short-lived attempt to give the two a piece of his mind, but he was interrupted with another deafening cheer as he saw (Y/n) stumble to Nobara's side.

He watched intently as you had practically dashed to the front of the room where Nobara stood, holding your hands up to point towards yourself with a large grin on your face. You weren't exactly drunk enough to the point where you couldn't even stand, however you were having a little trouble running in a straight line.

"Me, pick me!" You begged her, clasping your hands together as you fell to your knees in front of her. "I want to play a round!"

"Of course! Thank you for volunteering!" Nobara giggled as she helped you back onto your feet by grabbing your forearm. "Oh, but who am I going to pair you with...?" She frowned, her eyes already being set directly onto Yuta.

His skin ran cold as he made eye-contact with the light brunette girl and he immediately looked away, his eyes trying to find every corner of the room before he let them find Nobara's eyes again. Yet no matter how hard he attempted to look away, his friends knew better than to let Yuta pass this golden opportunity up- especially after they had worked so hard to even let it happen in the first place.

Without a second thought, both Panda and Inumaki instinctively shoved Yuta forward into the crowd of people, causing him to tumble forward. The people that he felt into got the quick impression that he was offering himself up and grabbed at his wrist to force his hand into the air. Panda and Inumaki exchanged proud glances as Yuta's hand was forced up high by a blue-haired girl, who was excited to see that someone was apparently willing to go forward with the game.

"And who's that handsome man I see at the back?" Nobara's grin widened as she pretended to scan the area, leaning forward with her palms stretched above her eyes to give her a clearer view of the crowd. "Yuta Okkotsu! You seem like the perfect match for this game!"

The people surrounding him already began shoving him forward closer to the front of the room where Nobara and you were stood. His heart raced the closer he got and he made multiple attempts to push out of their grasp, to no avail.

"Oh no, I wasn't volunteering or anything! I was just accidentally shoved into people who thought I was!—" He stammered, his face flushing as he finally reached the front of the room, where Nobara had already latched her palm around his wrist, dragging you both to the nearest walk-in cabinet.

"Oh, so you're saying you wouldn't want to be trapped in a room with dear old (Y/n) here?" She paused to give Yuta a playful glare, gently tapping on your cheeks before squeezing them lovingly. "Grow up, it's only seven minutes!"

When a big enough cabinet was found, the two of you were both shoved inside without a second thought. You and Yuta had been engulfed between hung-up coats and a collection of shoes at your feet, the jackets and cardigans that were strung up in the cabinet practically served as a curtain to hide Yuta's profusely blushing face. Nobara smiled widely and waved at the two of you, and he could just about see Panda and Inumaki's smug expressions hiding behind the girl’s friendly face.

"We'll let you know when it's been six minutes so you have a minute to... Get ready." Nobara smirked, shutting the door and facing Panda and Yuta as she did so, high-fiving them over their great achievement.

The black-haired man made an opportunity to try and object, but the door had already been slammed in his face, and the knob clicked shut. His palm latched onto the handle to shake it desperately, whining as he tried to force it back open, but it was no use.

You had already sat down on top of one of the storage shelfs on the ground and giggled slightly when you saw how terrified Yuta seemed to be. By no means did he think that being alone with you was the worst thing in the world, but he had just never been this close to you alone in such a confined space. Truth be told, the thought of it terrified him, especially since he felt that he was too attracted to you to keep his composure for this long, especially when you were a lot... Different when you were drunk.

You were a pretty normal person when you were sober, which is why it probably would've been fine for him to be alone with you if you hadn't touched a single drop of alcohol since attending the party. Unfortunately, when you were drunk, it was like your boldness levels shot from two to a hundred. You were a lot more confident, touchy, and you let words spill from your lips at the same speed that the thoughts appeared in your mind.

"Why? Is it so bad to be alone with me?" You pretended to pout before a playful grin stretching across your glossy lips.

Yuta turned around, his heart practically squeezing in his chest. When you reached forward and tugged on the end of his sleeve to pull him forward, he swallowed a great gulp of nervousness as he stumbled into a seat in front of you, where he sat upon a small drawer that seemed to hold a shelf of sandals and slippers.

"N-No! I didn’t mean it like that! You’re a lovely woman— It’s just... I didn’t expect to have to play this sort of game…" He immediately went to scratch the back of his palms, looking down at his knees so he wouldn't have to look you straight in the eye.

"Relax, Okkotsu. Games like this always happen at parties." You take hold of his chin and guided his gaze back up into yours. Despite the darkness, you were still able to catch a glimpse of that small twinkle in his eyes, that very look that screamed innocence and adorableness.

"Th-They do..?" He stuttered.

"Of course! And we're both adults, aren't we? We've both done it before."

You shrugged and leaned back against the wall behind you with a bright smile; your expression was met with a nervous look of his own as he gnawed the inside of his cheek worriedly.

"I... Haven't." He let out softly, almost as if he were afraid to admit that.

"—Really?!"

"...I haven't even seen a pair of boobs in person before." He grumbled, possibly even more quietly than his last sentence.

You couldn't help but let a loud and belted cackle run from your lips, your entire face flushing with humour as you heard his comment. Your chest began to ache a little with how heavily you were laughing and tears in the corners of your eye began to make itself apparent the longer you continued to bellow in his face.

"Aw, that is so adorable! Who knew you could be so innocent!" You commented, your cheeks beginning to hurt with how widely you were grinning.

"Huh—?!"

"I knew you were like that, but I figured at least some girl would let you cop a feel at least some point in your life." Your hands rested on your knees and you squeezed the fabric of your pants to try and suppress your shaky giggles. "Why have you never mentioned that before?" You wipe the tears from your eyes with your index finger and let your hands drop to the hems of your shirt, your fingers tugging on the bottom of your top.

"Because...! —It's not relevant!" He nervously bit back, trying to defend himself.

"You're too much of a gentleman, Yuta." Your smile softened as you lifted up your shirt to remove it, your hair flowing against the neck-hole in your top for a more exciting reveal. "Surely you've thought about wanting to grab some girl's tits at least once." Your top dropped to your side as you leaned back a bit to reveal yourself shirtless, wearing nothing on your top-half aside from what seemed to be a regular bra.

He hesitated at your comment for a moment, biting the inside of his lip as his cheeks felt warm again. He faced forward, but his eyes looked to the wall behind you instead of at your breasts, feeling like it was wrong to be staring at you so vulnerably.

"Wanna see mine?" Your voice dipped to a more deeper and whispery tone, almost like you were talking to him as if you were a sultry lady trying to invite him into your bed.

"—What—?!" He was immediately caught off guard and looked you right in the eye, his lid widened to reveal that coat of shock that lingered in his state.

"They're probably not as round as you would imagine them— Assuming you've thought about the shape of my boobs before..." You tease, gently prodding your own chest in your bra as you chuckled.

"—I'm sure they're... Fine..." He gulped.

This is more of what terrified him when you were drunk. You were so... Open. It turned him into a nervous mess and he was never sure how to react to anything you were saying. It seemed like tonight, your confidence had been taken to the next level and you were even more daring than before. You weren't exactly a saint, but he knew for sure that this would never be something that you would offer to him if you had been sober. If you hadn't drank that night, the conversation probably would've just ended after you laughed at him and you would've forgotten than he had even told you that the next day.

"Hah! You're so cute! How do girls not rip their shirts off at the sight of you?" You pulled your lips into a smirk as you shifted your hand behind your back to fiddle with the clasp of your bra.

As the clasp fell apart, your boobs sank a little after being taken out of what was revealed to be a push-up bra. Despite them drooping a little, Yuta was mesmerised all the same, his eyes glistening as they landed on how perfectly tense your nipples looked in the dim lighting.

"Sorry. They're probably not as full as expected. Then again, beggars can't be choosers." You shrugged, allowing your bra to drop right next to your cast-away shirt.

"No, they're... They're exactly how I imagined them." His mouth practically watered at the sight of them and he seemed to be involuntarily inching closer to them. You broke out into a cheeky smirk after his response.

"Why don't you feel them?" You said, gripping onto a handful of your own tit in order to make the offer sound more enticing to him.

"...Really?"

"Go ahead. Feel how nice they are." You leaned forward a little bit, completely consenting to his curiosity. 

He reached forward and hesitantly spread his palm over your left breast, squeezing it softly to gauge the feeling of it in his palm. He pawed nervously at the fat of your chest for about twenty seconds, but you quickly grew irritated with how slow he was taking it and rolled your eyes, clicking your tongue at your own impatience.

"Ugh, stop being so gentle!" You snapped, pushing yourself further into him so you were basically settled between his legs now. His heart thumped faster when more of your boob was pushed into his hand and he did just as you commanded him to.

He took his other unoccupied hand and reached for your other breast, grasping them as desperately as he wished he could've done so before. He fondled with them as if they were stress balls, feeling himself get lost in the sensation of your skin. They felt so tender, not exactly how he imagined they would be. For some reason, he always thought that boobs would be a lot more... Stiff, because of how they looked in bras, that was. But yours were so silky, so smooth. He pawed at them like a kitten would paw at carpet, his thumbs flicking over your sensitive nipples too.

"(Y/n), can I... Taste... Too?" His lips were already so close to your chest that he was just a few centimetres away from licking them himself.

"Greedy, aren't we?" You giggled, lifting your chest up towards him. "Go ahead."

He attacked his lips onto your nipple and treated it as if it were another pair of lips that he was kissing, his mouth running over your skin like a lollipop and licking every inch of it. You moaned softly and lifted your palm up to run your fingers through his hair as he pinched large areas in the fat of your boob so he could take more of your nipple into his mouth.

He felt like he was in heaven, and the soft whines that escaped from his mouth as he left sloppy kisses across your chest was proof of that. His pants began to tighten and he felt a tent form in his crotch, but he promptly ignored it because of his good he felt at the moment. You hadn't noticed how turned on he was getting just from sucking yourself tits because your eyes were fluttered closed at the sensation- All you were thinking was how warm the inside of his mouth felt.

"You have one minute left in there!" Nobara announced loudly on the other side of the wall, banging repeatedly on the door to let the two of you know that it was almost time to wrap it up.

"Ah! Would you look at the time!" You pushed Yuta's head away from your chest, causing him to whimper slightly as his lips lost connecting with your wet nipple. "Aren't you lucky? Spending six minutes in here touching boobs for the first time!"

He frantically went to cover his crotch with his palms as he regained his composure when you pulled away from him. He nervously continued to stare at you as you shoved yourself back into your bra and threw your shirt back over your chest, cleaning yourself up as if it had never happened. You still felt traces of his warm saliva linger on your skin even after you covered yourself back up, but it wasn't a feeling that wss visible to the outside eye.

When the time clocked, you swung the door open yourself a walked outside with a jolly stride, your smile beaming even brighter than ever. Passing by you as you left was Panda, Nobara, and Inumaki, who shoved themself inside of the cabinet before Yuta even had a chance to get up.

Yuta was pushed back down into his seat by Panda, who eagerly pushed himself onto where you had been previously sat so he, Inumaki, and Nobara could all face him with bright grins. Inumaki, being the last to enter, stood and shut the door so he could guard the entrance.

"Why are you guys coming inside—?!" Yuta was swiftly cut off by Panda, who was frantically shoving the coats out of his face so he could properly look at Yuta.

"We're not playing another round yet, we're just checking in on you! We wanna know how it goes!"

"Guys, please go away—" Yuta bit his tongue, feeling the humiliation creep further onto his face as he realised he had to shield the tent forming in his pants in front of his friends.

"Is that a boner?! No way, did you actually do it with (Y/n)?" Nobara’s jaw hung open.

"—No, we didn't!"

"Did she see it?" Panda intersected, his curiosity clearly taking over.

"No! ...I don't think so..."

"Knowing her, she probably didn't. It looks like it's super dark in here." Nobara squinted as she looked around, only seeing faint and dark silhouettes of the basic shapes inside the room.

"Salmon." Inumaki noted.

"Guys! Again, what is it you want?" He yelled, his face red with embarrassment- Though it wasn’t a colour that the trio could see very well in the darkness.

"Details! What happened? Tell us everything!" Nobara squealed, flapping her hands and tapping her feet excitedly as she implored him to continue.

"Mustard leaf!"

"And please, don't spare any details! We wanna know exactly what went down. Did she see your dick?"

"You guys are sounding really creepy..." Yuta’s teeth gritted at the sound of the numerous questions flowing into his brain. It just made it more difficult to conceal both his blush and his erection; he just hunched over and covered his lap with his arms and buried his face into his own shoulders.

"We just want to know! Stop stalling and give us the scoop!"

"Well..." He muttered, still looking down at his own lap. "…She let me see her boobs."

"She did?!" The three all exclaimed in unison.

"She even let me touch them... I was really hesitant at first, but she told me to stop being so gentle and basically forced me to grab more of her." His voice went shaky as he continued. "And she... Let me lick them as well."

"And you got a boner over that? I mean, I don't blame you! (Y/n) has beautiful tits." Nobara sighed in awe.

"Salmon."

"You're so lucky! Do you think if I was in here with Maki, she'd let me do the same to her?" The girl whined at the thought; her comment was promptly ignored by the others surrounding her.

"Well, congratulations, Yuta! You've practically taken the biggest step in your relationship with (Y/n)! This is huge for you!" Panda pushed Yuta’s head up to force him to look at his the friends- The black-haired man was immediately met with that same grin Panda always had after a stupid idea.

"Yeah, man! Come on! Stop being all fidgety!” Nobara slapped him playfully in the arm. “How did they feel?"

Yuta just whined a little as he readjusted himself to fully reveal his face to them once more. They saw how pink his cheeks were and how his lips quivered with both a mix of excitement and embarrassment. His palms were gripped tightly on his sleeves as he crossed his arms over his chest to truly convey his tense state.

There was a long moment of silence, accompanied by the sounds of Yuta’s soft breathing as he remembered vividly how the moment went down. Inumaki, Nobara, and Panda just looked at him wide-eyed, awaiting his answer to be served to them on a silver platter. After what felt like the most agonising ten seconds of piece and quiet, Yuta inhaled sharply as he ran his hands over his face before propping his chin up onto the palms of his hands, his lips thinning out into a nervous, straight line.

"...They were… Really soft..." He let out quietly, like it was some sort of crime to comment on the pleasure he felt during that very moment. "...I wanna hold them again..."

[cozymoko]

Tw EATING DISORDER

what would the sakamakis+tsukanamis do when they realize their s/o is developing an eating disorder?

:3

S/O WITH EATING DISORDER — SAKAMAKI

Note: I can only put a certain amount of pictures in per request so if you still want the Tsukinamis' please feel free to request again once my ask box is open!

Pairing: Sakamaki Brothers x gn! reader

Format: Headcanons

WARNING(S): eating disorder, force feeding, insensitive comments

Want more Diabolik lovers? → Masterlist! ★

SHU SAKAMAKI

Though not the most well-informed, he's far from being an idiot. He was already suspicious when you either faked eating during dinner or attempted to force the food down your throat. It was painfully evident. And when he found you bent over a toilet, retching out the remains, that was all the proof he needed.

Shu can't force you to do anything and he's aware of that, but he will still encourage you to do so. Frankly, he'd rather not have you starve to death due to your own stubbornness. Shu will follow you to hell and then bring you right back. He'll even try to play therapist and listen to what kick-started your god-awful eating habits.

“Haah, what a piece of work. You must really want to give me a heart attack, hm? Learn to rely on me, don't make me worry so much next time.”

REIJI SAKAMAKI

Out of all his brothers, Reiji will be the most understanding. Most of the Sakamaki has very limited knowledge involving the human body but he does not. After plunging his head in many books on the matter, that much should be clear. Thus it's likely you won't have too much trouble confining in him because of that.

There's no need for you to go hungry in any way while living in the manor. Despite how annoyed he may come off, Reiji is willing to go through all the potential solutions to lessen this burden on you. However, he does still remain the same in some aspects, threatening to punish you if you don't put forth some effort to eat.

“I've noticed your eating habits have become rather strange. Very well, I will create a new diet for you to regain your strength. It would be best that you follow it.”

AYATO SAKAMAKI

Unfortunately, he's pretty insensitive to things like this. He has no knowledge of mental health (though having plenty of his own) so Ayato won't try to act as he does. He'll probably say something terribly ignorant or even try to shove food down your throat, then turn around and wonder why you're so pissed at him.

It will take someone to smack some sense into him so he understands the severity of it. Even then he lacks the sentiments to truly comprehend what you're going through. But realistically, he'll probably push it off onto Reiji in the end. Of course, he cares, but such a "detailed" condition isn't his forte.

“Geez, just how long were you planning on keeping this from me? You belong to 'yours truly', and it'd be such a pain if you get any weaker. So rely on me, got it!”

KANATO SAKAMAKI

This is the last person I'd want to be stuck with in a situation like this. He's an absolute idiot on things like this, hands down. (I hate Kanato) In his mind, dolls don't have to eat so you must be perfectly fine, right? Expect you aren't a doll, nor a vampire at that so, of course, you need to eat.

As the days go by you grow noticbly weaker with no desire to do anything but wallow in your despair. Only then did he begin to take things seriously. The triplet has the most insufficient approach ever, it's not even comforting. Kanato will attempt to feed you and then get mad when you reject it. Despite his apparent concern, I highly doubt it'd make up for his thoughtlessness.

“You've grown so weak...Uu...why won't you talk to me? Uu...Don't you care for my feelings? I won't allow you to die on me; you can't leave me! I'll make sure of it!”

LAITO SAKAMAKI

He knows what an eating disorder is as Laito's been with his fair share of women. But that doesn't mean he's educated on the matter. Laito notices your standoffish demeanor right away, carefully eyeing you as he immediately puts two and two together. Yet, he won't act on it until he can find the root of your eating disorder. After all, we must start from the source~!

It'd be a shame if his favorite toy grew terribly ill so he offers to help you. Spending several hours arranging a new diet for you, feeding you small portions, and certainly boosting your confidence in the late hours of the night. Though he doesn't show it, Laito truly cares for your well-being and will do just about anything to ensure your recovery.

“You've been looking at your reflection for quite some time, little bitch. Have I not been tending to you enough~? Fufu, that won't do! Shall I fix that for you~?”

SUBARU SAKAMAKI

Once he found out about your eating disorder, Subaru loses it. His anger is in some way directed at you for not telling him; but also at himself for being so clueless about it. As you'd expect, his first course of action is intimidating you into eating, but a quiet whimper will stop him dead in his tracks. This calls for a different approach.

Subaru looks to Reiji for guidance, which comes as no shock. The vampire is in no place to be taking care of a human in any mental aspect, regardless of them being his lover. Even with this newfound information, it will do very little to decrease his snappiness towards you. But he's just worried and sure as hell doesn't wanna lose you!

“Don't push yourself too much, alright? Tch, 'worried?', it's not like that so shut up, damnit! I just...don't want you to leave me in the dark anymore...”

[rogersideup]

Nice to be Kneaded

Chapter two

Inhale, Exhale

Series masterlist

Previous part: Welcome to Greenwood Next part: Nice to be Needed

Word count: 4,668

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Descriptions of anxiety attacks and mental health issues.

When Steve received the key to his own place, it was the first time in a while he felt like life was starting to look up. He had months of insecurity through every aspect possible.

Never knowing where he would sleep next, which country he was going to have to flee to in order to escape a high security prison cell for another day, most times he didn't even know where his next meal would come from.

He spent his days with his head held low, anxiety pumping through his veins over the thought of someone recognizing him, he never went more than a minute or two without looking over his shoulders.

But the key dangling off a metal ring was a promise of four safe walls so long as his relaxed landlord didn't ask many questions, but he planned on never giving him a reason to.

Considering he had nothing but a backpack full of clothes, and money he had stashed away in the event he would ever find himself in a situation like this, he knew he needed to buy some stuff to make his home more comfortable.

Even though he wanted to create a cozy sanctuary in his new house, he still felt a sense of uncertainty. At any given moment his situation could change. His burner phone could ring for help, a neighbor could report him; springing him back to his feet until he could find a new place to settle, or there could be some sort of agreement in favor of him being pardoned. The former is most unlikely, but Steve needed a mental plan for any given situation at any given moment.

Instead of being wasteful and buying all new furniture, he spent the days between getting his key and move in day finding second hand furniture to fix up to his liking.

He either had all the time in the world to restore a beautiful dining room set, or none at all, but either way he needed a place to eat. And sit. And sleep.

The goal he had in mind was for his place to be nice enough to not look suspicious if a neighbor needed to pop in for any sort of reason and for it to feel homey, but he also wanted to be okay with leaving it all behind in the case of an emergency.

He curated quite the collection over the course of a handful of days. Scouring flea markets, thrift stores, and local postings, he made sure to get all the basics and necessities of a good home.

Of course things like cookware and silverware, bath towels and bath mats. A dining room table he actually loved, a couch that was listed as gently used but looked like it had never been sat on before, a bookshelf, a bed frame, a couple of side tables for the bedroom and living room, a desk, and a really beautiful lamp.

He also made sure to pick up a couple things that were less essential but made his house more homey. Fun trinkets to scatter around to make it feel and look more eclectic, a few different rugs for the common areas and his bedroom, some art supplies to keep himself busy, a few second hand puzzles also too keep himself busy, and some framed art to hang on the walls.

He'd get more for himself when and if he got the chance to, but he felt confident that it was a really good start. Especially on move in day when he managed to get himself all set up, and his place looked like it was curated full of well loved stuff.

Like how the little scuff mark on the leg of the entryway table told a story of that one time his nephew was roller skating inside the house and accidentally ate it, or how the little golden book ends holding up his collection of thrifted books were in the shape of a wiener dog. He'd read them eventually, but they already looked like their spines had been cracked and bended as if they were his favorite books. The dining table hosted many dinner parties in his days back in wherever he had come from, he should probably decide that soon. The chair tucked into the desk with art supplies sprawled across the top looked as if he had spent many hours there trying to get the details of a painting juusssstttt right.

It looked like home, and it felt like home. It was convincing enough to be a home.

Tomorrow he decided he would buy himself a few throw pillows for the couch and a couple extra blankets just to make it feel more comfortable.

Maybe a few more shirts and a couple new pairs of pants so nobody wondered why he wore the same outfits on a tight rotation.

Although he planned on staying closely within his home and backyard, only venturing off to the grocery store and empty outdoor spaces to go on runs and get fresh air when he could, the possibilities felt endless.

For the first time in months, he plopped down on the couch with ease, laid back with a deep exhale and closed his eyes. For the first time in months, he could finally sleep.

And sleep he did. For hours and hours and hours, completely on accident. Sure, he slept a bit every night, but it had been ages since he could actually rest. He awoke to the sound of a car pulling into a driveway, so he peaked out the curtains in his living room window to see your black sedan pull up in front of your house.

Familiarizing himself with all the new sounds of this little neighborhood would come with time. Life felt a little unreal as he flicked on the lights in the living room, trying to process how long he had been asleep for, and how long he had been ignoring his body's pleas for some real rest.

He felt as though the sleep should've made him feel refreshed and rejuvenated like a whole new person, like after almost a full 8 hours maybe he would've been energized enough to keep trucking along in the process of hanging up the hooks he got for the front door, or maybe even scrounging up something to eat, but that wasn't the case. His brain was still foggy with exhaustion, ready to force him into another 12 to 24 hours of pure dormancy.

Running his hands through his long hair, and rubbing his face into his palms, his heart rate skyrocketed as he heard footsteps up the path to his front doorway.

His head snapped over to the door, and he was quick to investigate through the little glass window creating a small archway at the top of his door.

You approached with a few things in your hands, and carefully shifted to free one of your fists to politely knock on the door.

Steve knew he recognized your friendly face from somewhere, but he had met so many kind people on his journey of trying to furnish his new place that he couldn't pinpoint where exactly he knew you from. That feeling of familiarity did nothing to ease the anxiety thumping in his chest and scratching at his brain while his hand unlocked and opened the door.

The moment he opened the door, your heart was pounding out of your chest too, he was absolutely gorgeous. Even prettier than you remember all those days ago when he came into Nice To Be Kneaded. Although Georgia shot you a text in the middle of the workday to let you know she caught a glimpse of the dream boat moving in next-door and he had that same luscious beard and dirty blonde hair, you still couldn't be 100% certain it would be him until he was right in front of your face.

And now here he was. With sleepy blue eyes, and his golden brown hair in its full glory. With no hat on his head you got to appreciate the way it fell with a hydrated bounce, and curled upwards around the base of his neck.

"Hey there, Honey." You said calmly, empathizing with his tired eyes. As soon as the word 'honey' fell out of your mouth, he immediately felt that warm feeling he got in the bakery, and remembered you in a heart beat. "I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"

"No, not at all." He shook his head. Kind've a lie, but it wasn't your fault.

"Not sure if you remember me but I'm-"

"From the bakery right? Nice To Be Kneaded?" He cut you off, but only to prove that he did remember you without needing the reminder. Something about you made him want to put in the effort.

"That's the one!" You smiled. "I actually live right next-door in house 306, just wanted to stop by and bring you a few things to welcome you home." He couldn't help the smile on his face as you handed him a pastry box full of cookies, and a fresh loaf of bread. "I saw you unloading your truck when I left for work this morning and remembered you liked chocolate chip, but I kind've mixed in a few other flavors for you to try. I'm also not too sure what else you liked but figured everyone loves some fresh baked bread."

"That's perfect, thank you so much" He smiled and set the box down on the entry way table right next to him. "I really appreciate it."

"Anytime! How's the place coming along?" You made friendly conversation in hopes of getting to know your new neighbor a little better.

"It's coming together, although I think I underestimated how much work it would be to actually get it all done." He responded, happy with the amount of information he was giving.

"You live here by yourself?" You questioned with good intentions, he could practically smell the goodness radiating off of you.

He could tell right then and there that a sweet little thing like you was going to be dangerous in this game of mystery and anonymity he was trying to play.

"I do, not much of a roommates kinda guy." He shrugged with a grin, leaning on the doorway anticipating more conversation to flow.

"I mean, I was getting more so at the wife and kids type of answer" You giggled.

"Oh! Right! Cause this is a place where most people have wife and kids, huh?" He questioned.

"Nothing but the simple suburban, white picket fence one-boy-one-girl kinda families here" You admitted. "I live alone too, us single folk are a rarity here. We're kinda like the neighborhood unicorns."

"You live alone?" He questioned, eyebrows furrowed in what looked like slight concern.

"I do." You said confidently. "It's a safe neighborhood, kids leave their bikes and toys out all night long an nothing ever happens to 'em. I think you'll love it here."

"I really hope so. So far it seems great, really friendly neighbors." He referred to you, the first one to come say hello to him. "So, you work at the bakery?"

"I own the bakery actually" you stated proudly.

"Oh, no way! That's awesome" Steve enthused. "I was planning on stopping by again soon, I really loved it when I went."

"We would love to have you back anytime" You welcomed him while pulling something out of your back pocket and holding it up to his face. "But when I tell you something is on me, that means it's on me, not leave money when I'm not looking."

In your hand, a crisp $20 bill. A sly and lopsided smile smeared across his face. You were a force to be reckoned with. "You have no proof that was me." He defended himself playfully.

"I have security cameras, Steven..."

"Okay, you have some proof that was me. But that's none of your business. I tip well everywhere I go." He refused to take the $20 from between your fingers. "Plus, your cookies were delicious. Worth every dollar I have to my name."

"You're going to get this $20 back whether you like it or not!" You giggled. "I know where you live"

"This is the second time I've met you, and the second time you've threatened me." He pointed out with a raised eyebrows.

"Well this is the second time you've given me reason to threaten you!" You defended yourself.

"I'm not taking that back" he denied.

"Well I'm not accepting it."

"Well then this is really awkward, isn't it?" Steven asked, obvious stubbornness in his eyes.

A plan popped in your head, and it's started with you faking defeat. "Ugh. Fine. But next time, you better not try this again!"

"There won't be a next time if you don't let me pay" He challenged, still with a grin he was trying to hold back.

"Oh we're going to be having a lot of arguments then" You laughed and his obvious ignorance of what it would be like to be neighbors with you. "In all seriousness, I can't imagine moving to a new place like Greenwood all on your own would be easy. So if you need anything at all I'm right next door, and if I'm not there I'm usually across the way at 309, or over at the bakery."

"Thank you, that's very sweet. Same goes to you, I'll be here." He offered sincerely, mentally slapping himself across the face for opening up far too quick and being way too trusting. Two promises to himself he had already broken after not even one full day in his new place, 304.

"You look sleepy so I'll leave you be now. Have a good night, honey. Don't be a stranger." You gave him a sweet little wave goodbye and started slowly walking away.

"Thanks for the treats, have a good night."

He closed the door and got settled down again, right back on his couch with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Though he was exhausted, something about the setting sun made him feel uneasy and on edge.

That feeling remained deep within the pit of his stomach throughout the whole night, as if the moment he fell asleep something bad would happen. He had a vision playing in the back of his head that if he let his eyes close, the next time they opened he would be surrounded by a swat team.

Guns drawn, shouting at him to stay down. He'd see red laser dots all over his chest, tens of different weapons threatening to end his life if he had made one wrong move. He had been in that position before, hands restrained and the authorities taking all his autonomy right back.

Each time he found a way out of the mess he found himself wrapped up in, but this time he wasn't so sure if there would ever be a way out.

Those thoughts kept him up for every dreadful hour of the night. He couldn't even get himself to step into his bedroom, the thought of sleeping in a bed was so suffocating for some reason.

So he stayed on the couch and tried his hardest to turn his brain off. All 12 hours of moonlight were spent with nothing but the soft glow of the television illuminating the living room while clutching his blanket around him as if his life depended on it. He watched lighthearted cartoons, nostalgic period pieces, and comedies, yet nothing soothed his brain.

Every once in a while, his eyes would slowly shut until he gained an awareness of what was happening and his brain would protest.

You're not safe. Open your eyes.

They'd snap open and his thoughts would startle him so much it would take a good while for his eyelids to fall heavy again.

Bucky is in a cryochameber. Where's Nat? Sam? Clint, Scott, Sharon?

You kissed her, then forced her out of her home country.

This is your fault, you monster.

Then, he'd be wide awake for hours. Indulging in a cookie every so often, each one reminded him of the days his mother would bake off a batch for him to raise his spirits when he was far too sick to even get up out of bed.

He didn't know if the buttery, chocolatey goodness in his mouth and the distant memory of his mother was helping him old back or encouraging the tears that welled in his eyes every time his brain started thinking a little too hard.

He recalled some of the last few words Natasha managed to mumble to him before he had to take off. "Things are going to get hard, you're going to be mentally exhausted. You'll hit walls that you'll think are impossible to break down, and when you do, there's going to be another wall behind it. You'll feel like giving up, but don't. Take it one day at a time, and if that's still too overwhelming, take it one breath at a time. I'll see you soon"

So that's what he did until the sunrise. He pondered why tonight or all nights was so hard. Maybe it's because he was experiencing the luxury of a roof over his head and a ever distant promise of temporary stability while he was completely unsure if that was the situation any of his team were in.

He just wanted to know that they were safe, he wanted them to be back on their feet and happy after what they've been going through. Even though they all willingly joined his fight because they were just as passionate about the cause, he couldn't help but to feel like all of this was his fault.

So, he took it one breath at a time. A deep inhale, hold. A deep exhale, hold.

And holding up to the only reliable promise in the grand scheme of the universe, the sun rose.

The glow of its soft morning rays though the sheer curtains of the windows through the house was the only thing that managed to quiet all the thoughts in his head.

He chose greenwood for a reason, he was safe here. No amount of worrying about other people would change their current situation; what's done is done.

Inhale, hold. Exhale, hold. Inhale again.

His tired eyes were begging for rest, but his body and mind were restless. So he picked himself up off the couch, put on some running shorts and sneakers, then set out of clear his head.

He had to run through quite of bit of the residential street before making it to the nature preserve walking trail, so he settled for a slower jogging pace as to not alarm anyone of his faster than average speed and stamina.

A few greenwood residents smiled at him as he passed by like a breeze, and he'd give a small wave in return.

Once he made it to the trail, he paced himself up and down it for miles and miles until his stomach reminded him that it had been a good while since he consumed anything but cookies, and his invasively droopy eyes reminded him that he set out on the run with the only goal being he could tire himself out enough to fall asleep once more.

He remembered there was a little diner only a mile from his front door, which was nothing but a breezy walk in the park for him. So he ran there from the trail, happy that he always keeps a bit of cash with him wherever he goes. He exchanged it for the biggest breakfast burrito he'd ever seen, and jogged it all the way back to his place where he packed it into his stomach. But on his way in, something caught his eye under the doormat.

A tiny corner of something was poking out from underneath the brown bristles, and when he bent over to pull it out in attempts to investigate, he could only smile when his fingers were now holding a $20 bill.

One silly little sign of you, a shower, breakfast burrito, and run later he was finally able to sleep.

Still not in his new room, but sleep nonetheless. It still counted even if it was on the couch.

Just as expected, he woke up as the sun was setting. But he vowed he could make this night a little different from the previous, because he was going to fight off the unwelcome emotions with a deep inhale, a deep exhale, and lay some paint onto a canvas.

That was something he hadn't been able to do in multiple years. Steve always hated that he let his commitment to being Captain America take over and stomp parts of his life that he really enjoyed before it changed.

Artistry was one of them. As he sat down at his desk, the hours passed by pretty quick as he laid down a pencil outline of a pretty lake the trail led him to today. As he finally made it to the paint portion, he discovered that even after everything he had been through, his ability to get paint all over his hands and forearms was still well intact.

He put his brushes down for a bit to let the first layer of paint dry, and decided to work on cleaning out all the boxes he had collected through the process of furnishing his house. He had thrown them in the garage to make it a problem for future him, and there was no better future than right now. Quite literally waiting for paint to dry.

He opened up the garage door for easy access to his recycling bin that was already on the curb for pickup on the morning, then started breaking down all the boxes with a box cutter.

Though it wasn't too terribly late, he still payed the tiniest bit of mind to the house across the street, and two doors over. All it's lights were on and the blinds were drawn allowing him to sneak a little look inside.

It was filled with people, all sitting around a table drinking what looked to be wine. They were all laughing together, and they seemed to be enjoying each other's company.

It made his heart ache a bit, he missed the days where he had a little chosen family and he was the one laughing without a care in the world. A bigger part of him was happy to see other people around him finding joy in their surroundings.

His mind went back to the big cardboard stack in front of him, it stole all his focus until he heard a sweet voice calling out to him.

"You know, you could build a pretty cool castle with all those boxes, Honey?"

As he looked up at sweet little ol' you, his heart skipped a beat and a strand of his hair flopped over his forehead.

You thought it was the cutest thing ever. The muscular hunk in some comfortable shorts and a relaxed t-shirt, his strong forearms covered in splotches of paint. He just looked like the tallest glass of domesticated water.

"Well I wish I would've thought of that about 10 boxes ago" He smiled, you took his good response as permission to walk up his driveway.

"The cool thing about cardboard boxes is that you could tape em' back up and it's like you never even flattened it out in the first place." You pointed out.

He couldn't help but to notice how pretty you looked tonight. With your hair curled, a full face of makeup and a put together outfit, he could only assume you had some plans to get to.

"You know what? I think if I see one more box I might lose my mind." He admitted. "Maybe the cardboard castle is something we can save for a rainy day in the far far future."

“Then don't look down" Your laugh sounded like the most beautiful slice of heaven to him. "What are you doing up this late? And why are you covered in... paint? Did you paint the walls today?"

"I'm a bit of a night owl, and no not the walls. I was painting a picture." He explained.

"Ohhhh, you're an artist?" You questioned. A hot hunk with a creative side? Swoon.

"Artist is a bold word" He declined the title. "I paint every so often as a hobby."

"Oh, so you're a humble artist!" You insisted.

"If you insist" He smiled. "Why are you up so late?" He reciprocated the questions.

"Well, Georgia across the street is hosting game night and I got caught up late at work so I'm just heading over now." She explained. "I was just going to bail since it's getting late but she said they're about to start a round of monopoly."

"That means you guys are going to be up and going until 2am." Steve pointed out with a grin.

"Yeah, well, I have the day off tomorrow so I guess I can stay out passed my bedtime" You shrugged, suddenly feeling bad that Steven would be here by himself breaking down boxes while the rest of the block was having fun. "Have you met Georgia and Michel yet?"

"I don't believe I have! Just you and James from a few doors down."

"Really?! Why don't you come join us? Like you said, monopoly goes on for ages so that'll give you plenty of time to get to know everyone." You invited him. "They told me to bring a guest"

In any other situation, he would've said yes. He was a pretty sociable person, most would consider him an outgoing extrovert, but throwing himself into that situation was like throwing meat to a pack of wolves. There would be way too many people who had far too many questions, anybody in there could recognize him at any second.

"I don't see any situation in which I could make myself even slightly more presentable even in the time span of a round of monopoly." Steve declined politely. "But thank you, hopefully next time."

"Hey, I understand! After a whole day's work sometimes you gotta recharge by yourself." You didn't push, and that alone made you feel like a breath of fresh air to him. "And just for the record, I think you still exceed all expectations even covered in paint."

"Oh stop it" He shrugged the compliment off his shoulder, with a giggle. "You're not too bad yourself."

"Just wait until you see me with a hairnet on, Steven. I look like one of the lunch ladies down at Greenwood Middle." You shook your head. "It gets rough."

"So you're a humble lunch lady?" He teased.

"Yeah, something like that" You laughed at his charm. "Would you be free at any point tomorrow? I'd love to show you around Greenwood- take you to all the best spots."

Something in your gut told you that he needed a friend, someone to help him get a hold on the lifestyle that comes with living somewhere like this before he'd open up to more people in the area. He was pulling you in, but you had no problems with that.

"...Yeah" He agreed slowly at first, he definitely had to think about it. "Yes. That sounds great." He said more confidently this time.

"Okay cool, what time works best for you?"

"I'll be here all day." Steve shrugged.

"Well considering I have monopoly on the schedule, how about late morning. Does 11am work?"

"Perfectly" Steve smiled.

"Cool, meet me at my house at 11 am" You smiled right back. "Have fun with those boxes"

"I mean, it's no monopoly but it'll definitely keep me occupied until 2 am" He chuckled. "Have fun at game night."

"Will do. See you tomorrow, Honey."

Next part: Nice to be needed

Tag list: @patzammit @bemysugarbean @buckymydarlingangel @happinessinthebeing @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @differenttyphoonwerewolf @themotherof10

To be added to the tag list, just let me know <3

[ratgrinders]

hello tumblr user ratgrinders... appreciate the work you do even in these trying times (post onscreen homicide). i think the fact that kipperlilly is like, annoying and reminds people of girls they didnt like in high school ppl miss out on a lot of interesting stuff going on w her!

like, the "power hungry teen girl who is just evil and tbk kill her" thing has already been done in fhfy with penelope, & its much more interesting to think about how & why the ratgrinders are doing all this suspicious stuff tbk are noticing-- like the fact that they have been very cagey about showing their combat abilities, the weird stuff going on with various deities, and even kipperlilly's stolen therapy files (lol) are very intriguing!! and imo writing that off as assuming they'll be straightforward, incompetent villians (popular assumption due to their lack of friendship, even though it's famously the weakest magic) is far less interesting. like... they got into this situation for a reason and got involved w all this stuff somehow, & i don't think all of this would happen if they were a normal adv party, even a shitty one. how did they get here! why!! thx

thank you so much, its getting hard out here but nothing can stop the rat grinders stan grind!!!!! (<- is coping. im coping)

yeah but fr, kipperlily is FASCINATING to me. i truly believe that she thinks everything she does is justified in service of her larger goal, whatever that may be. yeah, stone cold murder really isn't the fairest thing you can do to your academic rivals, but writing all of that off as "oh she's just always been a jealous hypocrite who never believed in what she was spouting" i think is an inaccurate interpretation of her own motivations. she clearly believes in something.

cuz the thing is, we're still not really sure was kipperlily wants? ("egg on my face for wanting something"). sure, she's trying to run for student body president, but what exact rules is she hoping to implement, and how does that relate to trying to resurrect a rage god? plus, grix attacked ruben because he/his ritual were a direct threat to the existence of the school, which seems counter productive if you're trying to become president of it.

and what cause would kipperlily specifically have to be tied up with a rage god anyway? there's nothing that clearly on the surface ties a little type A halfling rogue to a fiendish god of rage and conquest, hell some of the other members in her party seem like on the surface they would have a closer tie to it (like both of their now dead clerics, mary ann who literally harnesses rage, ruben who is full of teen angst). kipperlily's apparently been filled with rage since freshman year, but why? (is she like riz, who spent his whole life infected with an aspect of the nightmare king and literally grew up with this seed of doubt inside him? did something similar happen to kipperlily?)

ankarna is the goddess of justice and the conviction to act when they see something unfair. no matter what, i think kipperlily truly believes that she's witnessed something unfair. and it feels significant to mention that this last murder is an escalation on the rat grinders' part. the other people who have ended up dead around them (lucy, yolanda, the original hosts of frosty faire) all seemed to have died indirectly as a result of the rage crystals and the uncontrollable rage it inspires. this is the first time we're seen stone cold premeditated murder, done with simply a blade and betrayal.

honestly, this transition seems to mirror what ankarna herself went through, starting off as the goddess of conviction and justice but slowly transitioning to one of conquest and war. brennan said something about ankarna, "yeah its nice to have someone like that on your side who will stand up for you, but you better hope that person is always right". i think what we're seeing now is someone with that same conviction, but with a misguided cause.

kipperlily's crossed a line now and i wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't end up redeemed by the end of the season, but i'm still interested in how she and her party were motivated to do this in the first place, because like you said i don't think a normal adventuring party would've ended up here. it takes a lot to transition to multiple murders!

[btr-rewatch]

BTR REWATCH MINI POST

Big Time Rush Season 1, Episode 8: “Big Time Break”

While I will not be covering this episode in full (I do have some gifsets from it, though), I do wish to ramble a bit about Kendall and Katie, because they've got some great moments together in it.

So. Shows that portray close and healthy sibling dynamics. Makes me insane, right? Right. Siblings who love and look out for each other. When each one manages to be The Protector of the other in some way, regardless of age difference. Brilliant stuff.

And for a show that so often relies on absurdity and just plain off-the-walls humor, it manages to have depth as well, if you're looking for it. Which I am. Why else would I have created this blog but to analyze this delightful series?

Kendall and Katie may possibly be one of my favorite fictional siblings. From the very first episode, there's such a strongly established bond that you can sense even though they really don't interact that much. You see it in the way that Kendall immediately (happily) complies with Katie's request to hear the "Giant Turd" song and when Katie is going on about how often Kendall sings—including when she can't sleep at night.

I won't go into all my thoughts and feelings on the Knight family situation and how a lot of who Kendall is was likely forced upon him when he became "man of the house," but...those thoughts are there. Might explore them at a later date in another post or in a fic, but anyway! As you make your way through the first season, their relationship solidifies more, and you see the warmth. The way that they look out for each other, and the fierceness with which they love each other. Katie is an independent, tough cookie, but she's still a little kid who sees her big brother as a role model and needs his guidance. And Kendall, being the guy who always tries to be there for others and set a good example, does a wonderful job of looking after her while also knowing when to step back. In a lot of ways, he's a combination of brother, father-figure, and friend, which I have OTHER thoughts about (because that is a lot of weight to carry around at 16).

Focusing in on "Big Time Break" though, Kendall's storyline deals with him still wanting to get to know and befriend Jo, even though she has a boyfriend. At one point, Katie overhears Jo on the phone and discovers that Jo doesn't have a boyfriend at all; she's been pretending to have one for fear of romantic pursuits interfering with her career. Perfectly understandable to want to prioritize in life, of course, but Katie is not happy to hear of the deception.

Jo has been LYING to her dear big brother?? Now, she could just sit back and not get involved. After all, Kendall and Jo are older and have their own confusing, teenage lives. It'd be okay if she wanted to shrug and let them figure it out themselves. It doesn't have to be her business.

But Katie Knight can't do that. She goes right over and pulls Kendall from his conversation in a way so very fitting of her character.

This is another aspect of their dynamic that I really like: Katie's complete lack of fear to take charge when needed. Kendall isn't listening to her? She just rolls her eyes and drags him by his ear. Katie Knight, expert on gettin' things done.

She then lets Kendall know that he's been getting played "like a fiddle." Not wanting Jo to be suspicious of their conversation, she cleverly advises Kendall to turn and give Jo the "my little sister is crazy gesture," to which I must include another gif because I love Kendall's execution. He's got the best expressions.

They end the conversation with Katie essentially challenging Kendall to do the right thing, which, in her mind, is to confront Jo and get the truth out of her.

And I love this for two reasons. 1. Katie's vaguely threatening reminder that she looks up to him and 2. They have an adorable handshake! When did they come up with this?? It's so sweet, and I love them.

Lol, so much for a "mini post," but oh well. Kendall and Katie are wonderful siblings, and it delights me. I'm glad they didn't go the route of them being the type of siblings who are always bickering with each other or who ignore each other/generally just don't care. Give me siblings who love each other, who get invested in each other's lives, and who have silly little secret handshakes.

[nico-di-owgelo]

What I don't understand is the need to have made Percy know all of the myths. It's unnecessary. A familiarity makes sense, he studied it in school, and having Sally tell him stories is sweet, but that doesn't mean he can't be confused? In the books he mentions he struggles with some myths and names because his dyslexia makes it hard*, some names can be similar but are completely different figures. It's also mentioned that the more a demigod knows about the mythical world the easier they are to find. Percy's ignorance makes sense, and is important for his safety (hence why he's lied to by Brunner and Grover about Mrs Dodds). When comparing the wide breadth of myths covered in the books, not knowing exactly who someone is makes more sense than immediately knowing exactly who and what is going on.

A main theme in the books is that intelligence comes in many different forms, especially because the protagonists are both neurodiverse in more than one way. Being book smart isn't the end all be all of intelligence and both Annabeth and Percy show how clever they are in different ways. Book Percy was never made to seem stupid because he didn't immediately know about the Lotus hotel or Procrustes for example. Even Annabeth was fooled by them. That's how the myths worked in the pjo verse, they're modernised and there's the mist it's perfectly fine for them to be tricked. Hell, in universe the monsters want them to be tricked, that's the point. Percy's intelligence and quick thinking are shown not via immediate fact retrieval, but through how he manages to manipulate the situation for the better. He's perceptive, and is good at figuring things out**. He's still incredibly intelligent, it's just shown in a different way.

One of the joys of the original series was learning about the myths alongside Percy. The mystery and the unique modernisations of the stories. So it's a bit of a slap in the face to have the show's narration behave like everyone would know what any myth, that it's so obvious they don't need to explain how or why the protagonists know exactly what's coming before it has a chance to. Again: I'm aware that Annabeth has been at camp for years, but there's a massive amount of myths to know and they have adapted to the modern day. They might not be immediately recognisable, or the mist might be too strong etc etc. Not knowing something doesn't mean you're dumb.

The show, however, doesn't give the kids chances to mess up. They know everything immediately, or far too quickly. There's no room for learning or acknowledging the complexities of the pjo-universe. Them recognising Medusa straight away, fine, she's a pretty well known myth, and Percy is named for Perseus, the familiarity makes sense. The lotus hotel, less so, it's not that well known of an aspect of the Odyssey, but they are looking for a god so being suspicious of their surroundings is fair enough I guess? (Though coincidences can be coincidences. The only similarity that the island and the hotel have is a lotus, a very common flower?) There are so many things that happen in the Odyssey that not specifically remembering this tale would've been fine. But Procrustes? Immediately? Really?

What purpose does it serve to have the kids know who they're facing straight away? To the plot. Considering that the myths are intertwined with the modern, it would make sense for them not to know things, or at least not immediately recognise them as monstrous/magical, because not everything is?

I don't know, I just feel like taking the opportunity to learn away from both the audience and the characters cheapens the story and makes it less interesting. (Representations of intelligence aside. Because if I talk about that I'm going to call someone Ableist and I don't want to get into that right now. I will say though that even the movie had more overt dyslexia and adhd rep so...)

Not only that, but narratively, it's not working. There are no stakes to the situations the kids get into, or there are but certainly not to the same degree. It's just. Odd.

All that to say that the decision is a weird one and one that doesn't serve the plot to boot. That is all.

Anyways have pictures of my copy of TLT for support, please ignore my dissertation tabs.

* / **

[inconveniently-discorporated]

Great. Now I'm having self-reflective feelings when it comes to how much I relate to Aziraphale. 🥲

Not putting this one under the cut because there's no pictures, but there will be spoilers and I'll tag as well, so scroll on by if you'd like.

I talked a little bit earlier how I can relate to the feeling of wanting control, and how when that was offered to me by a previous job with a toxic environment, I took it even though I had misgivings about it. And even though I wasn't happy, I was still afraid to leave because I didn't want to lose that control.

Well, I forgot about another aspect of this situation that I can COMPLETELY relate to Aziraphale about.

It's the part where Aziraphale comes in and excitedly starts chattering about how he thinks he was wrong about the Metatron, and how he wasn't so bad after all.

Holy SHIT can I relate to that.

You see, I feel like I am simultaneously petty as fucking hell (cross me and I WILL remember exact dates and quotes), while also desiring to forgive really easily. And like Aziraphale, it's not all completely selfless -- a lot of it is, it simply takes a lot of energy to be angry at someone, and it's really inconvenient to have to work around it if the other person has something you need (e.g., a coworker you need to work with, a shop owner who finds the records you want).

But I also... just generally want to believe that people are good? And I think Aziraphale does too.

One of my former coworkers was extremely toxic. One moment, they would be perfectly fine and get along with the team and actually be helpful. The next, they would be PURPOSELY awful to people with zero remorse. Just saying some of the most hurtful things, being a bully.

What hit me hard is how much I wanted to believe that maybe things could change. I could SEE that glimmer of a good person deep down! Moments of compassion or simply deep understanding. We would go weeks without incident, and I would start to think, "I think there's real progress being made! Maybe I really was wrong about them, maybe there's a reason they acted that way before."

I think that was what kept me there the longest: I kept forgiving them (plural, because it wasn't just this one coworker) for doing hurtful things again and again and again. And I also internalized the treatment as something I was not faultless in -- if only I was better, if only I was not so weird, if only I fit in or understood.

And I see this happening again and again throughout my life. I have a hard time judging intentions, sort of. It's more like, my judgement is STRONGLY influenced by my insecurities and my feeling that most people are generally good and have reasons for what they do.

But I don't know any other way to be? I'm not always wrong. I have someone like Crowley in my life, who is far more suspicious of others -- but I don't feel like they're always right either? It's just HARD, because I would rather believe someone and give them the benefit of the doubt, but I also need to make sure I don't get hurt.

There's no point I'm trying to make. Only that I can relate to why Aziraphale trusts the Metatron. And, damn, Neil did it again with a character that I can feel in the pit of my soul.

[good-beans]

Ooh! 💌 and 💚 for Faye? 👀👀

Her romance style has gotten a bit healthier since her Alm-obsession, but Faye still throws her whole self into romances. She lets it touch every aspect of her life, in the best of ways. When she’s crushing on/dating someone, absolutely everything will make her think of them. She won’t put them above herself, but she’ll consider them when making plans for the day. When she puts on her outfit she’ll imagine what they’ll think of it. She’ll take certain pathways around town to meet her partner, or spend extra time walking with them.

She’s suspicious of fake or exaggerated compliments, but even the most basic, genuine comments can turn her into a blushing mess. She gets flustered extremely easily. Like, she can accidentally fluster herself if she says something a bit too romantic/sentimental. (When she gets too excited, her mouth can move faster than her mind, causing her to blurt things out that surprise both her and her partner.) Sometimes it’s something a bit more vulnerable than she meant to admit, sometimes it’s something more suggestive than she meant to say, and sometimes it’s simply something she thought was embarrassing that her partner thinks is cute.

Though she retains her more quiet personality, being in love unlocks a new, tougher side of Faye. She becomes fiercely protective over her partner. In ordinary situations she becomes the “excuse me, they asked for no pickles!” person. On the battlefield, she unleashes newfound power and courage in order to protect the person she loves. It doesn’t matter if this impresses or frightens them, (any class) Faye is willing to pick up the nearest weapon and take out the nearest enemy endangering them.

~

There is always someone for her to spend the day with: whether one of her friends is separated from their lover, just got their heart broken, or is also just vibing like her, she gathers up all the single people for a massive hangout. (Even if they don’t really want to, nobody can say no to that sweet face…) She meticulously plans a bunch of activities to keep everyone busy and bonding. Activities include playing games, exercising, baking (an obscene amount of sweets), eating (an obscene amount of sweets), doing something crafty, and settling in for trading stories. If they’re in a good mood, they’ll bring their desserts to the public and hand them out as a Valentine’s special. If they’re bitter with broken hearts or amatonormativity, they’ll keep everything to themselves. 

She gathers up her friends in the morning, and most don’t go home until late into the night, if at all. She prepares extra sleeping arrangements for anyone who ends up sleeping over. It started out something she did on a whim – it was her first year realizing that about herself, and she needed something to keep herself feeling connected and cared about (and she’s always looking for a way to stay close with her friends). As the years go on, though, it becomes An Event. The others recognize it as a holiday all on its own. She picks up new regulars, who introduce new activities and recipes and stories into the mix. 

There’s one year when Faye is caught up in some rough emotions, and calls the whole thing off. She plans on staying in and finishing her latest sewing project on her own, explaining that she doesn’t have the energy for anything else. She assumes everyone will be grateful for a break that year. She’s shocked to discover that the others really look forward to the whole thing. They bring the event to her – though, they remember what she said about having low energy. They all come with a sewing project to work on by her side (even those who have never picked up a needle in their life), promising not to bother her and be too rowdy. Maybe they all sew together peacefully, or maybe in her surprise she finds the energy to do their usual games. Either way, the holiday is just as good a time as always.

[maleyanderecafe]

Don't Look (Visual Novel)

Created by: CrypticFingers

Genre: Horror

This game actually does have a kickstarter now, and the premise is very sinister. It might include polyamory in the future considering how the kidnapper's mind works. The demo itself is mostly dependent on the voice acting, which I think works very well. There is now character designs for at least two of the characters you meet, though there will be a total of three when the game comes out. You can get more information on it here on @dontlookvn if you are interested.

Don't Look starts out with the MC blindfolded and brought to the basement by a person named Zach. The MC has the option to be nice or mean and depending on the answer, will allow Zach to either treat them better or worse. Zach nicknames the MC "little moth", giving them some mac and cheese to eat and giving them time to settle in with the others. Its here where we meet Chester, another person that Zach has kidnapped. Chester talks about what Zach is like: how he's kidnapping people to figure out who will be their best partner, how disobedient people get punished or killed and how Zach will treat his captors the way he gets treated, with either respect if the MC is kind or disrespect if the MC is cruel.

During Day 2, Zach comes back to feed, hydrate and give blankets to his captors. After the meeting, the MC can go and search around the place, finding pipes to possible break their blindfold, arsenic that's hidden inside of the cabinet and talking (or cuddling) with Chester.

If the MC is nice to Zach, he will be nice in return, praising the MC and giving them things that they need. Being nice to Chester will allow the two to get closer and even kiss and gain a code. If the MC is cruel to Zach, he will strangle the MC and refuse to give them a blanket, and there is an option to attemptively break the blindfold, however, this leads to the MC being impaled in the eye.

While the game is still in it's demo state, I do think that it does a good job with the aspect of horror and uncertainty through the fact that we don't actually get to see the characters, but only hear them. (I mean, you can see what they look like on the game's home page, but not in the game itself). The concept of having someone kidnap a bunch of people to find out which one (or ones) will be their partner is pretty interesting, and it gives a good sense of what it feels like to be kidnapped in a unfamiliar situation and what you have to do to survive (or gain the good wishes of your captor). I really do like the concept of not being able to see any of the characters since it gives them an air of mystery and uncertainty, plus it's something I haven't really seen done before. Zach as a yandere seems to be conditional on the people who he chooses, though it is clear that he's not killing them for fun but rather to pick off who he thinks isn't a possible suitor. In this case, it probably would be possible to see Zach marry a bunch of different suitors, thus leading to possible polyamorous endings (assuming we are allowed to keep everyone else alive). There might also be an option to band up and get rid of him, which would be a interesting route as well.

Chester is very cute, but it does make me a bit suspicious of him. It's possible that he's the type to cry wolf if the MC attempts to hurt him or otherwise escapes (similar from Ren in the first BTD game, if you know what I'm talking about). We also aren't sure we can fully trust him either, since it's possible that Chester and Zach might be kahoots with each other or even possibly that Chester is the actual big bad of this game. There does also seem to be a third character that we have yet to see, but it's hard to tell what his personality is like since we know very little about him. Hopefully, Chester continues to be lovable and will attempt to help us out, but it's hard to know without still having some suspicion on him.

Overall, I think the game has a very interesting premise and concept so far and it did fairly well on it's kickstarter. I am curious to see how the game will go and what kind of horror type concepts it will implore.

[fish-stan]

A Proper Introduction to my South Park Monster AU

Still working on the name, anyways I’ve got both new art and lore to offer.

In this AU the main four boys are monsters/nonhumans, having to hide their identities from everyone. 

Stan:

Stan lives with just Sharon and Shelly in this AU. Randy is not really a part of his life. He very infrequently sends Stan letters, just to let him know he still exists. During one of his “Jack and Crack Witch Weeks”, Randy ends up cursing Stan via dark magic shit. He doesn’t really care though, and just casually mentions it in a letter. Stan thinks his dad is just off his rocker like usual, but the next full moon rolls around and he is (very reasonably) scared and confused. He runs off into the forest near Stark’s Pond, which is where he meets Kyle for the first time.

Stan in his “Disguised” Form

Stan without his hat

(Another thing I want to mention but don’t know how to fit it in is that the ears are permanent, regardless of whether or not it’s a full moon, hence why Stan has to wear a hat to school)

Stan in his “Full Moon” Form

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kyle:

Kyle lives at Stark’s Pond, and unlike Stan, was born a sea monster. He’s been pretty lonely since his parents died, (Jimbo and Ned killed them cause I thought it was funny), so when Kyle finally meets Stan, he is more than eager to hang out with him. While Stan was running around the forest freaking out about his newly acquired powers, he ran into Kyle, and after the initial shock, they become good friends. 

Stan goes to Kyle whenever he feels his transformation is coming. As a result of his, situation, Stan starts to feel more anxious around others, especially in school, only really feeling comfortable around Kyle. This then leads to the horrible great idea to have Kyle go to school with him! They use Shelly’s makeup for his skin, but his fins are still a problem, hence the giant green ushanka. Kyle is naturally smart, but since he’s never been in an academic or social environment, he’s a little behind in some aspects. Kyle is seen as a “special” (neurodivergent cough ADHD cough) kid, but no one in class really suspects his true identity......he thinks....

Kyle’s “Disguised” Form

Kyle without his hat

Kyle without any makeup

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cartman:

Cartman is the result of the Drunken Barn Dance getting a little out of hand. Don’t ask Liane, she doesn’t remember. (I’ll probably change this, but for now we’ll just say some Satyr just felt like getting frisky that night lol.) Cartman was totally normal till about 3rd grade, where one day he just kinda, got ears and horns n stuff. He has to wear this big hat to cover it up, which he thinks looks stupid. (I wanted all the boys to hide their main features with their hats, but horns would kinda show through his beanie, so instead I gave him his hat from Tonsil Trouble.) He kinda just pretends his ears are his hair, and no one really cares enough to question it. 

Kenny and Cartman are ride or dies in this AU. They’ve know each other since forever, but they still don’t know about each other’s real forms. 

Cartman is pretty insecure about his real self, so once he hears from Kenny that something might be up with Stan and that weird New Kid, he starts to investigate.  (Insert plot with Cartman trying to find everyone out, using Kenny to help him, with it resulting in all of them revealing their identities to each other, ending with them all agreeing to never tell anyone, unless they want Mutually Assured Destruction. I also haven’t figured this part out yet, just know that unless stated otherwise, only Stan and Kyle know about each other, while Cartman and Kenny are suspicious towards them)

Cartman’s “Disguised” Form

Cartman without his hat

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last but not least,

Kenny:

Kenny is still a cursed child of Cthulhu, just this time, he’s inherited a lot more, visible, traits. When he was born his parents just thought he had a facial deformity. Kenny believed this until he started wondering why he would respawn and his granny didn’t. He eventually figured out the Cthulhu cult stuff, and now just tries to stay out of trouble. He very rarely takes off his mask, even in front of his family, let alone shows his wings. When he does give in and finally lets them stretch, Kenny usually ends up spending the rest of the day flying around the forest. This is when he firsts catches a glimpse of Stan and Kyle.

Kenny’s “Disguised” Form

Kenny without his mask

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you guys enjoyed!

I’m not sure if I’d ever write a whole story for these characters, but I thought it might be a good idea to get what I already had down on paper in case I ever wanted to. I haven’t exactly ironed everything out yet, but now you guys will know what I’m talking about in any future posts. If you have any questions or ideas about this AU please ask away! I’m eager to talk more about it. 

[sergeantgoggles]

Title: Floating On Your Memories Ship: Huntech [Hunter/Tech] Rated: G Summary: The things they used to do as cadets still bring them joy today, and it's perfect. Warnings: Too sweet. Go buy floss. Word Count: 1204

For @inconocible

Long past were the days of being a cadet running through the halls from lesson to lesson, racing to the mess for meals just to see who could get there first. In those days, Crosshair would usually win. He had the depth perception and agility to weave in and out of the long necks and fellow clones with accuracy. Wrecker would always barrel through everyone standing in his way, which caused more commotion than necessary and how they usually ended up in trouble with the Kaminoans and trainers. 

Sometimes, though, Hunter and Tech would race. Statistically speaking, Tech had the higher percentage chance of winning, and he usually did, but Hunter was never far behind him. Still, Tech always reminded him of that whenever the topic of speed came up. 

Fast forward several years, and Hunter found himself in a similar situation as they sat outside one of their favorite bistro. Sunset was rapidly approaching and the market lights were due to kick on any minute. Tonight, like every night, was peaceful, but somehow the atmosphere felt different. Something between Hunter and Tech ignited as they watched Omega and Lyana chase a pack of moon-yo from one end of the square to the other and back.

“We used to run like that,” Hunter recalled with an amused smile. 

“Yes, however, we grew up and ran from more important things than each other,” Tech countered with his own smirk as he nursed a glass of something clear and sparkling. 

“Like our feelings?” Hunter’s suggestion made Tech look up from his datapad, and his smile grew when Tech softened. 

“We have not run from our feelings for one another in quite some time. Having a life free from the Empire has offered us a new perspective on that aspect of our lives.” Tech spoke reverently at first, then turned a challenging eye to his husband, “and if I recall correctly, which I usually do, I still have a higher winning percentage than you.”

With a raised brow in question, Hunter took a sip of his own drink and eyed Tech suspiciously. “Think you can still keep up?” 

“If you are asking if I think I can still beat you in a race, then yes, I do,” Tech replied and set his drink down empty. He stood and pocketed his datapad, waiting for Hunter expectantly.

“You mean now?” Hunter laughed as he downed the rest of his drink and threw a few credits on the table. 

“Why not?” Tech sauntered away, and Hunter just knew he was being taunted. “Unless, you do not think you are up to the challenge?” 

Hunter followed, and they drew a crowd around them as people lined up to watch them square off. “Down to the beach. Loser has to take Omega flying tomorrow.” 

A triumphant grin spread on Hunter’s lips as Tech audibly groaned. She was getting better, but his poor nerves could only handle so much, and he was still recovering from the last rough landing a few days ago. 

“Fine,” Tech agreed, though reluctantly. “I hope you are prepared to admit defeat when I inevitably defeat you.” 

Smack talk. Cute. Hunter shivered and chuckled. “We’ll see about that.”

The commotion caught Omega’s attention, too, and she ran to head them off, hand raised over her head. “You’re going to race? Let me count you down!” 

They nodded and took their stances, toes along one of the seams of sunlight streaking across the ground and it continued its descent. A certain giddiness surfaced in the pit of Hunter’s stomach. It had been a long time since Tech had really let his guard down and simply enjoyed the vibes around them. It wasn’t so long ago that Tech was something of a recluse, keeping to himself on his datapad and getting lost in anything and everything that he found fascinating. Now, well, it was nice to see him smile without fearing it would be the last. 

“On my mark!” Omega yelled as Lyana joined her at her side. “Three, two–”

Neither of them waited for one. They took off at a sprint down the cobblestone street, weaving in and out of vendors, shoppers, and residents alike. It wasn’t much of a surprise to Hunter that Tech was more than able to keep up with him, and he couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled from his lips as they caught one another’s eyes and ran faster. 

Wind rushed through their hair as they sped towards the shoreline. A few of the townspeople leapt out of the way in surprise, but most watched on as they kept up the pace with smiles. An emotion that Hunter only started feeling more and more filled his veins. Elation. 

The finish line in sight, they both cranked up the speed. As soon as the buildings disappeared from his peripheral Hunter could feel the sea salt stick to his skin and taste it in the breeze. The waves sang as they lapped up onto the sand, and their feet sank in their boots as they trudged through the grains. Their chests heaved, and Hunter made one final push to the end. Breathless, Hunter watched as Tech pulled ahead by the slightest margin, and as their feet hit the water, Hunter was forced to admit defeat. 

Tech bent over with his hands resting on his knees as his breath caught up to him, but Hunter kept going, and in seconds they collided. Strong arms wrapped around Tech and hauled him off his feet, and Hunter twirled them in the water as Tech let out a loud burst of breathless, mirthful laughter. It was the kind of laughter that Hunter hadn’t heard from him in years, not since before the days their ruthless commando training began on Kamino. Of course, the years and rapid aging made the laugh deeper, but it was the same cadence, the same key in a melody that belonged solely to Tech and Tech alone. 

As far as Hunter was concerned, Tech might have won the race, but he was the real winner, and his prize was hearing the sound of true happiness come from the love of his life. That was better than anything that anyone could ever offer him. 

Setting Tech back on his feet, he was only slightly surprised to see Tech’s smile falter a bit as he reached his hand up. Hunter’s eyes watered, but they weren’t tears of pain or sadness. Instead, he blinked back tears of unbridled joy to be here in this moment. Pabu had given them everything he ever wanted for them after the war. It was exactly what he’d imagined in his dream of dreams, and it almost didn’t feel real, but Tech’s touch reminded him that they were here, and they were alive. 

“Are you okay?” He asked softly with a slight, adorable tilt to his head. 

Hunter was more than okay. He was amazing. Not even exchanging vows with Tech came close to this one snippet in time. Leaning in, Hunter sealed their lips together as the sun began its journey to the bottom of the ocean to sleep for another rotation. 

“Yeah,” he whispered against his lips as they pulled apart, “I’m okay.”

[kuvvydraws]

Train plane anon had me howling with laughter! Made my day. seeing you answer asks makes me feel more comfortable of the idea to open asks for my own oc. But onward to questions: As I love the annoying and judging aspects of Praetorius, his opinion on children, monster or human? Does he have any good memories of the Underground before joining the guard? And when Praetorius’ brother engages more, does that help Praetorius with expecting threats around him or will that always remain?

They were gooood but having OC asks is so fun! It helps get your OCs a bit of traction, people get interested in them because they get to explore them through their own lense with "canon" content and the creator gets a lot of engagement, which makes your all fuzzy and happy - everyone wins!

Praetorius is judgemental to anyone regardless of everything, so he's a good subject to measure the general public opinion if you're looking for a negative scope.

When it comes to children, Praetorius doesn't dislike them, and you could even say he likes them, though he often moves in the tolerance spectrum, depending on how annoying a particular child is.

He doesn't differentiate between species; monsters have a similar range of childhood years if we're talking about mental development, with a 2-3 year window depending on the subtype, and the biggest distinction would be the physical maturity of their bodies, as each type ages differently.

Praetorius believes children are a good experiment (bear with me) to figure out the heartbeat of society - children are not dumb but they're more foul-mouthed and less careful than adults, so you can expect them to reveal that parents would generally say in the privacy of their homes. At the same time, he never dares assume age and intelligence develop at the same time - more than once he's found a little rascal on the streets who managed to impress him, and he's quick to recommend them to join the Guard when they're age-appropriate – he's always in need of good soldiers, and if he can recruit them when they're younglings, that's even better, as they can be trained and accustomed to a military life sooner, which makes adaptation easier.

Many would call that grooming, and they wouldn't be wrong. But the Crown still needs assets, and the Commander needs them to be good at their jobs so they don't die their first day out on the field.

Regarding his childhood memories, he mostly keeps in mind his father. He got some good twelve years before getting recruited, and his brain always conjures the sense of longing and safety, the perspective of his father's imposing height, his big hand grabbing his little one, his fingers barely able to cling to it. Sometimes he recalls smells out of the blue, or flavors he can no longer place, and he really wishes he could have saved any toys from his childhood, even if to have them hidden somewhere in his chambers.

And for Laudaris... His presence is troubling but also a calming balm. Praetorius is used to being surrounded by soldiers, some of them even trained personally by him, so he knows he can trust them to protect themselves. But Laudaris doesn't have training. He's not a fighter. And maybe he can indeed shortcut and summon blasters and bones and engage in encounters... But he doesn't really know how to fight. And humans can do so much damage just by wanting it...

So Praetorius is extra worried with Laudaris around, because he will never be able to overcome his panic, not truly — he's been conditioned to remain suspicious and on guard all his life, it's been beaten into him, and over and over his suspicions have been proven true, so his mind wouldn't be able to let go of that behavior. He's good at masking and burying it deep down though, so he can have a normal life, but in key situations where his stress levels are off the charts he's bound to react violently. It doesn't happen often at all, whenever he acts aggressively I can assure you he means it.

[witch-of-snow-and-stars]

Tarot Notes & Musings Part 2: What doing a tarot reading is like as a reader

*This is more about my experiences as a reader vs part 1 being more about how I card read. These are just my experience and other readers have different processes.*

Part 1 of Tarot Musings is here

🔮In terms of my process, when I sit down to do a reading I prefer to be in a quiet-ish space with a decent amount of room to lay cards out. Then I try to focus on what/who I'm reading for and start constructing the layout of the reading, with cards signifying the people/situations involved first and then getting cards for specifics or connections (tbh most of my readings look like concept webs by the time I'm done- it's just easier to visualize and remember what I'm looking at). After that web gets constructed, I then have to condense all of the linked interpretations down into a write-up/explanation that's actually usable for someone else. I might ask about some things I'm seeing on my end, but if I know who I'm reading for I'm expecting to see certain things (ie I get an oracle that signifies ancestors and the person I'm reading for does ancestor veneration/worship? I'm not going to be surprised).

✨Usually I'm just looking for anything big whoever I'm reading for may not be aware of and what they were asking after. I might throw in my own advice and assurances, but what people do after a reading is up to them. It's their choice and they known what's going to be best for them.

🔮Something I've noticed about doing readings for other people is that when I'm reading for multiple people I can get a real understanding for people's reasoning/motivation in the situation (an example being if I'm reading for a potential couple or reading for an interpersonal conflict).

✨Having said that, I do try to get a few signifier cards for the person/people I'm reading for just so I can get a good idea of where they are in their life/how they move through the world/personality/major life aspects/etc (I really love using my oracle cards for that). Multiple signifier cards tend to be for bigger card readings, but I still like to get at least one. I use multiple decks for this with my oracle cards representing specific manifestations about who I'm reading for and what's going on with them overall. An in-depth explanation needs it's own write up though.

🔮Similarly, I use my different tarot and oracle decks in specific ways and they each have roles/jobs that they perform in the readings they're in. Because oracle decks tend to be designed around certain themes or functions, they're usually not great for full spreads like tarot (there are exceptions but I'm speaking generally). Oracles are however amazing at acting as specialists that give nuance to what I'm reading for, so I like to use tarot to paint the picture of what I'm looking at and the oracles to give light and shading to that picture.

✨For example, maybe something/someone I'm suspicious of pops up in a reading unexpectedly, so I pull cards from one of my oracle decks that's good for knowing the underlying motivations for that something (probably my Dark Mirror deck or Faerie oracle). The behavior is in the reading regardless but seeing the motivation behind it can help me see if it's something to actually be worried about.

✨Decks can also lean more towards one meaning of the cards over another, so understanding how the decks I'm using are usually lean is pretty crucial too.

🔮I'm not personally the type of reader that really 'feels' what the person I'm reading for feels, if I get emotions they're like brief flashes of color or feeling. Sometimes I'll get phrases or songs popping into my head.

✨It typically feels more like connecting dots with strings. I tend to look for cards that mirror and 'sing' with each other well. As I pull cards to clarify other parts of the reading, I'm looking for the cards to start referring back to each other and supporting what cards are already there (basically I'm looking for the cards to connect together into a story that I can look at).

🔮Honestly the things that I tap into the most energetically are my card decks. I'm not sure how to describe it other than sometimes the decks pull or push really hard in readings. Doing a reading (for me) can kind of feel like if you talk to a friend about someone else's situation so that you get a neutral party's take/advice about the situation. I can fill in the main information usually, but any intricacies I don't know about can really only be assumed or reasoned out to a reasonable extent.

[asherlockstudy]

I really appreciate your blog.

With any new interest of mine, if i get to follow any one fan account, it is the one that has something interesting to say, (that they’re gracious enough to write down and share) because they’ve been DEEP in the stock and the gravy is just pouring out on its own. I don’t agree with everything you write, cause i have my own experiences and the interpretations they influence yadayada, but it is nice to read someone else who got forced by their brain decided to think extensively about a relationship-business situation that a couple of 40 yos have got due to the nature of their job as main talent, founders, and CEOs of a new media corporation.

I don’t think this is the healthiest thing for anyone to be obsessed with, and id love to be obsessed with a book or a video game, but analysis of interpersonal relationships between youtubers, for me, really is the only thing that sticks.

So, yeah.. I really appreciate your blog, the way you write, and how seriously you take certain aspects of it. Makes me feel seen, and therefore, less insane. Heart emoji

Thank you for enjoying the blog and empathising!

I am going to be 100% honest though; I’m sure this was not intentional but in your quick assumption that our mindsets coincide mutually, some of your mail ended up sounding a little backhanded.

My experience is in fact different and I approach it with an entirely different mindset that does not involve beating myself up. I do not internalize my interest in Rhett and Link’s dynamic and I do not feel insane at all actually, not even humorously. I have observed that my perception of them often differs from their statements, as a result I feel curious to explore this and figure out whether I am missing something or they are fabricating it.

I like Rhett and Link a lot but I don’t exactly consider myself obsessed with them but I am rather curious with what my mind processes. Which is why I found it interesting that you scratched the “forced by brain” thing and kept the “decided to think extensively about the relationship of 40 year olds”. You shouldn’t scratch the first one because it is openly my biggest motivation - I feel compelled by my suspiciously different perception of them to analyse what’s going on. Is that healthy? No, it’s not, but it is unhealthy in a different way than the way you thought. It’s a quirk or flaw of mine: I don’t like to be painted as the crazy one when all evidence leads to a certain explanation. The unhealthy part is that it involves their privacy and therefore I should lay off more easily even when painted as crazy. But that’s where my flaw comes in, what happens between them is between them only, however I am still painted as crazy or as seeing things that don’t exist. So I really want to see where I am making the mistake, what makes me fall for the nonexistent thing, otherwise I will have to rub my vindication on people’s faces.

I have accepted this about myself - with its pros and cons - so I am very open about being urged by my brain. On the contrary I am not as comfortable with claiming “I decided to devote part of my free time to Rhett and Link’s relationship”, because it resonates with me less. Make no mistake, I enjoy enough of their content (and I am quite critical towards the rest of it) and I am definitely inspired by their long-lasting unconventional friendship as is. What I am saying though is that if there wasn’t also the motive of the hope/expectation to eventually be proven wrong or right for good, I would be here way less and I would watch them less and I would think about them less. Still they would be part of my interests, but definitely less.

On the contrary. I am usually passionate over fictional content and not at all over celebrities and YouTubers. Like, at all. Unless it’s Keith Richards I guess. I made this blog years ago for Sherlock actually. And yet it was again because I felt compelled to talk about things the screenwriters eventually denied until the end.

See a pattern there? It is my quirk or flaw. I do acknowledge that most people obsess over real people or fiction for different reasons but this for me has been secondary. Not non-existent, to claim that would be hypocritical, in the sense that I do enjoy the idea of Rhink too, I am not saying I am above it, but it’s 100% truly secondary for me personally. In other words, if I eventually get persuaded they are 100% platonic with happy marriages, I will be annoyed at what happened to me and I got it THAT wrong but I will be super happy for them for succeeding both in romance and friendship without any such trouble at all.

Okay I hope this won’t make you grow distant from what you enjoyed in my blog, this is in no way my intention. I just felt I was getting a little misunderstood and wanted to be clear. Also, I didn’t like being led, even indirectly through your empathy, into a path of self-judgment; thinking about unhealthy obsession, that I am crazy due to how much I analyse this etc etc If it’s proven that I and all the rest of us have been indeed lied to, then why would I blame my disbelief and inquiry? To be clear, Rhett and Link have all the rights in the world to lie to us about their personal lives. But I also unashamedly retain the right to not believe in lies.

Unless I am proven wrong for good. Then this will be an unpleasant but certainly useful experience.

Thanks again for the good words, please don’t take this the wrong way, I am just explaining my perspective.

[j-graysonlibrary]

Heartbeats; Paradise XIX

Title: Heartbeats; Paradise

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 112K

Genres: Psychological thriller, drama, sci-fi, LGBT+

Available on: Kobo and my website

Synopsis: Melvin Hardy and Kade Axel appear to be a match made in heaven. After a meet-cute in the rain, the two quickly find themselves in a burgeoning, wholesome relationship.

Yet, things feel…off. It isn’t the ghosts of their pasts that resurface to test the strength of their partnership—no—it’s something nebulous. Something indescribable. Melvin can’t put his finger on it but, the more time he spends with Kade, the more he starts to wonder what’s real and what’s pure fiction. 

XIX:

It’s the same place!

I grab the nearest body to me which happens to be Kade. Like when Gavin and I fell through, we’re all on our assess so I know I have a moment to stop everyone before we walk into the same trap.

“Wait,” I say as the fear from my past latches back onto me. It’s evident in my voice.

“What?” Kade asks and frowns. I don’t know if he’s realized our change in scenery yet or if he’s just choosing not to acknowledge it. Knowing him, he’s figured it’s useless to mention it.

“I know this place.” I let him go and stand up.

“You do?” Starla asks, also standing. She looks around with confusion etched onto her face but she’s not noticeably perturbed.

Oz stands as well as Kade and I look to Oz who is, other than me, the most distressed by our situation. He frowns as he pokes at a nearby leaf.

“Are we in the real world then?” he asks before turning to settle his gaze on me. “You remembered this from your past, right?”

I nod. “I don’t know if this place is the real world though.”

“Where the fuck are we then?” Kade follows up with less care. He looks up as a bird flies overhead.

“I…don’t know exactly.” I gulp when I realize I’m contradicting myself. Everyone stares at me with expectance but I only have one thing to really bring to the table. “This is just where I died. Me and my husband both died here.”

Oz steps closer and grabs my shoulders. “What?” His stare is intense and, while I’m used to it, with all the other emotions coursing through me, I’m rendered speechless.

“Give him some space,” Starla suggests, “He looks like he just remembered.”

Slowly, Oswald lets me go and steps back. “Sorry…Melvin, can you talk us through what you remember?”

I give a slight nod. He and Starla continue to watch me, anticipation clear on their faces, while Kade starts to pace about and nudge the plants around us with his axe.

After I swallow the lump in my throat, I do my best to retell what happened. The most important aspects, I make sure to stress.

“Whatever that flower thing may be, it’s strong. I don’t think we stand a chance against it.” I can’t watch everyone I care about be cut down by that monster and I’d very much like to remain in one piece as well.

“I don’t see a way back,” Starla says with a sigh.

It’s true that the crack we entered through seems to have been a one-way trip but I can’t overstate how much I don’t want to run into that flower monster again.

“We can look for something together,” Oz responds and offers a fleeting smile for me.

“I can chop the forest down,” Kade suggests and swings his axe around.

Oz points at him. “No.”

He rolls his eyes but sets his axe back in its holster. Starla silently chuckles and I wish I could enjoy the moment as well but my heart still hasn’t restarted and my muscles refuse to relax.

We begin to search the area for anything suspicious. It’s much easier said than done on account of how everything here looks suspicious. I start to touch every plant I see, hoping that the exit will work like the entrance does. Maybe I’ll be sucked back and spit out wherever Kendra is if I just touch the right item.

“I hear running water,” Starla mentions after we’ve been searching for a while. She picks up a rock and inspects it before dropping it to the ground.

“I heard that last time too,” I say with a frown.

“Maybe we can find the source and follow the stream? If this is connected to civilization, we’ll find people eventually, right?”

It’s not a bad plan under regular circumstances but I don’t think, in this case, it’ll be too helpful.

“But if this is a separate reality then it might not work that way,” Oz actually says what’s on my mind.

“I don’t see why we can’t just confront this thing,” Kade mumbles and crosses his arms. “It’s a plant, you said. I’ll just chop it down.”

“And if we need it to let us out?” Oz asks.

“Then we should be seeking it out anyway.”

I don’t like either of their stances even if I feel Oz has a point. I already know how that thing reacts to intruders. I’ve clung to a sense of optimism before, sometimes ignorantly so, but this time I can’t pretend that if we just try really hard the result will be different.

“Melvin?” Starla gets my attention.

“…Yes?” I’m sure I’ve missed something with the way she and the other two look at me.

“We were wondering if we should find the flower thing and try to talk to it…?” She winces prematurely, as if she’s expecting me to yell at her.

I don’t have the strength to do that or the will. My shoulders sag and I close my eyes. “I…Gavin tried talking to it before.”

“Melvin…” Oz steps closer. He reaches out as if he’s going to grab me but he thinks better of it and lets his hands hang at his sides. “We can’t stay here forever just looking for an exit. We should be proactive.”

My stomach sinks. I’m being outvoted, like usual. “…don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” he responds, sounding as serious as ever but that just hurts me more.

“That’s what Gavin said too.”

No one responds right away—Starla even looks down.

“Well, we’re not Gavin,” Kade states the obvious as he stares at me, “And you’re not Liam anymore.”

I can’t tell if he’s sick of me holding everyone back or if he’s genuinely trying to make me feel better. I’m so confused by his tone and intent that I almost snap completely out of my fear induced funk.

“I…I know that,” I say.

Kade shrugs. “Then don’t let their fate dictate yours. We could have a chance—you don’t know.”

I find myself jealous of Kade in that moment. Not only do I wish I could think the way he does but I also want to have no memories of my past. They have given me a sense of self but, right now, they do nothing but harm me. I’m not even sure that the lack of a past bothers him or if he’s just creating his personality as he goes.

There’s something freeing about that.

I’m too chained to Liam to understand it.

“Fine,” I concede.

“Lead the way then,” Kade demands and gestures his hand out toward me.

Oz sighs loudly and pushes him in the arm before returning to my side. “I’ll walk with you.”

I nod and let him keep me company as I begin to walk the path of my past destruction. Each step fills my body with dread and I find every movement closer harder—heavier. My lungs strain to keep full and my heart hammers so hard it’s starting to hurt.

The clearing comes into view and I grip Oz’s wrist immediately.

That flower is still there, as I knew it would be, and it’s in a near identical position as last time. It’s lying on the ground and the roots spread out around it, a few arching up over the grass.

“That is a big ass flower,” Kade mentions as he takes it in. He and Starla had been keeping close behind us but, now that we’re where we need to be, he walks out and forward.

“Don’t provoke it,” Starla warns her brother as if she knows exactly what’s on his mind.

Kade sighs and I spot him retract his hand from the handle of his battle axe. “What do we do then?”

“Last time, it awoke at the sound of talking…” I say despite the fact that doesn’t appear to be the case anymore. Otherwise, it would already be up and, probably, trying to dismember Kade if I were to take a guess.

Oswald nods curtly and pries my hand off of him. He shoots me a soft look before walking even closer to the red bud.

I want to yell and tell him to stop but I can’t force the words out. I just reach out and wince.

“We do not mean to enter your home,” Oz says with a loud, clear voice. “I know this is no excuse but we just want a way back to where we came from. Though, preferably, we’d like to be placed into the real world. If you can…we would be most grateful.”

My eyes dart between him and the flower and I watch with a churning gut.

As soon as the flower stirs, a jolt of adrenaline runs through me but I can’t do anything with it. I have to just stand there and endure.

“Ho—ly—” Starla murmurs.

The flower rises up and displays itself the same as before. “You trespassers are back…? No…only one of you returns.”

Everyone glances over at me and, while I notice that from my peripherals, my eyes are stuck to the plant. How does it know it’s still me? I don’t look anything like Liam.

“I sense your confusion. I can simply read your energy,” the flower continues, “What brings you and even more of your kind here?”

“As I said,” Oz replies with the same tone as before. It’s amazing to me that he’s showing no signs of terror. There’s no way he’s not feeling it. “We came here by accident. We just want to leave.”

“I thought I fixed the rip in the world…”

“…Who are you…?” Starla asks, staring at the flower with awe in her eyes.

“No one of your concern,” it responds easily.

“Hey, don’t talk to my sister like that,” Kade warns and I tense even more than I thought possible.

Starla doesn’t miss a beat, however, and comes back with, “Are you the source of IVAR’s power?”

I had not even thought of that. I’m so taken aback by the connection I almost can’t feel my terror anymore. It would make sense. I was killed by this thing and then awoke as Melvin. If it was the heart of IVAR, that would explain how I ended up here when none of the memories I’ve received from Liam show me using the system.

But the flower responds in audible confusion. “Who is Ivar?”

“The system, IVAR,” Starla clarifies. “It stands for Immersive Virtual Alternate Reality. It’s where we entered from.”

“…What…?”

We all exchange glances. I guess that theory is out since the flower does not even know what we’re referring to.

“That’s a bit beside the point,” Oz brings us back to the main problem; “We just need to leave. Could you help us?”

The rumbling that emerges from the flower sends me back and I brace for impact. This time I see the vines whip up around the flower but they don’t slice anyone just yet.

“And why should I?”

“Because he asked fuckin’ nicely,” Kade antagonizes even though I mentally beg him not to.

The blur of green through the air is faster than my reaction time. I’m yelling only after it’s struck down toward Kade. I recoil, expecting a bloody mess when the vine retreats but I find Kade, perfectly fine and in one piece.

He’s…dodged it.

“Ha!” he shouts and takes the axe from his back.

“Kade, no!” I scream but he starts hacking at the roots of the monster anyway.

“Stop!” Starla begs.

Another vine whips toward him and, this time, I don’t think he’ll be able to move quickly enough. Oz still tries to run to Kade regardless and I watch as far too much happens far too fast.

I can only register what’s happened after it’s over and the images lag in my brain, shambling into place. Oz does jump over and Kade is in the midst of swinging his axe against another root. I don’t believe Oz will reach him in time but I had been assuming he was trying to shove Kade out of the way.

He didn’t.

He’s thrown himself in the way and been cut across the middle. As he falls to the ground, Kade finally realizes that we’re all trying to get him to stop.

Kade drops his axe and a second tendril follows the first—a move I don’t even see until it’s slashing him down the front.

When he falls is about the time I absorb everything I’ve seen and I cry out in agony. I knew this would happen again!

I knew I’d lose to this monster again!

Starla’s screaming mixes with mine but not for long as she’s struck down next. I close my eyes and drop to my knees, knowing I’m next.

The searing pain in my chest isn’t even surprising.

But the suddenness of it’s absence is.

My eyes flutter open and I glance down to see the green vine retreating from my torso and, in it’s wake, static and colorful squares fill my wound and I feel much better. I whip my head up and look around at the others who are all stumbling up, their injuries also glitching back together.

“You…aren’t alive?” The flower asks and the bud lowers toward the ground. “Yet you aren’t properly dead either…”

Oz checks his hands as if he’s expecting blood but he then he looks away to stare at the flower. “I guess not.”

The red blossom twitches and I expect another attack though I’m no longer as afraid of it. Instead of a second assault, the petals of the flower begin to bloom and I’m amazed by how much larger it becomes as it opens.

That light I noticed just before Liam’s death shines out but then recedes as more and more of it is revealed. In the center of the flower is a strange shape and I don’t get a good look until the light draws back to just illuminate the form.

It’s like two humanoid creatures embracing and their bodies are glowing. One stands behind the other, wrapping its arms around them and resting their head in the crook of their partner’s neck. The one in the front bears two sets of arms—one pair holds their partner while the other stretches out, slowly swaying on either side of them. The petals fan out around them and, from the being in the back, emerges six wings that vary in color but blend into the petals. Their feet rest on the snake-like stem and, at some points, the stem looks as though it might be a part of their bodies as well.

The sight renders all four of us silent.

It’s a lot to take in.

“You cannot return to the world of the living but you cannot stay here—you are not permitted.” The humanoid in the front says and I can tell because their mouth opens, releasing more light as it does so.

“We can’t go back into IVAR,” Starla counters.

“The news of this IVAR greatly troubles us…” they continue with contemplation in their voice, “If others like yourselves can reach this place through it then it must be dealt with…”

“Hey, you listening?” Kade balks.

To my surprise, they chuckle. I don’t know if it’s just because I am now faced with a more humanoid shape but I swear the flower sounds more pleasant now. I suppose it does help that they aren’t trying to kill us anymore.

“Yes. I cannot give you much but I will do this: I will bestow bodies onto you that will give you access to the larger world. In turn, you must never return here.”

“Deal,” I say without a second thought.

The light from their form starts to grow again and it gets to a point where I have to cover my eyes with my hand. There is warmth in the light and all of my fear and even my hatred for the being are washed away as it passes over me. I almost don’t remember why I ever despised this place.

But it’s gone in a flash and we’re falling into a much darker space. I hear someone let out an “oof” upon contact with the cool, hard floor. I have someone’s knee in my back and I grunt and try to sit up but Kade is over my lap.

“Guys?!” A new voice calls out and I crane my neck up and look around.

It’s still dark but there is a blue glow coming from a computer that sits on the floor a few feet away. And, beside that computer is a large woman. I can only see her outline but I know I’m not familiar with it. Despite this, with her next words, I feel I do actually know her.

“How in the hell are you here?! I was still working on getting you out…what happened?”