#there are more but that's how far my brain can think of right now
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I totally didn't find others doing this while searching for specific ships and decided to do it myself lol
All of the above/j Purple.
Ohhh that arc has so many good cats ughhhhhh it's hard to pick. In no particular order, Redtail, Firestar, Cloudtail, Brightheart, Ravenpaw
Nope, I think she was fine without one, and Dovewing is my baby, and her story wouldn't be the same without her power
Silverstream, I have to say
God, I don't actually know- GreySilver have sentimental feelings associated with them but I don't really have any strong feelings towards a lot of them(Unless you count the mention of Mousewhiskers crush on Minnowtail, then that one because I love Mousewhisker)
How fake of a fan am I if I say I didn't keep up with that? But I do know the designs and I'mma have to say either Lionheart or Longtail
I think it depends on how serious the RP is, sparkle designs can be a lot of fun but I usually do more "serious"(slightly more canon aligned) rps so my designs lean more realistic
Ok I joined deviantart really late in the game (I've only been on there for 3 years and I barely use it) so I think it's been Mushroom1Mack2 the entire time, but I used Amino a lot more, and I went by RadioAngel101 there
Jayfeather x Hazeltail is probably the closest to a crackship I have (I swear I think I'm the only person to ship them) or Brambleclaw x Leafpool for an AU (actually I have a lot of AU ships that probably count as crackships)
Her name was Speckledsong, and she was actually my WC sona for a while. She was a russet colored she-cat with black speckling/spotting along her back and face with a black tail tip and grey-blue eyes. She was a warrior of my fan clan Hawkclan and she had the ability to feel when something was right/if she was doing something right by a sensation of water running over her (very specific I know). I ended up revamping her into my OC Nightshade.
Bestie my brain does not remember that far back. The oldest AMV I remember liking was the My Mom Breezepelt AMV by Orion Fujiwara, and that was posted in 2015
He had POTIENTAL. He coulda been GREAT. But NO THEY MESSED HIM UP AND NOW I HATE HIM
How dare you not let me include skyclan/j/lh Windclan > Riverclan > Bloodclan > Shadowclan > Thunderclan
Dovewing 100% I love her she's my baby
YAY DAISY
I did not! I didn't have my own PC or laptop til last year, and before that I used aesthetic pics I found on pinterest for phone and tablet backgrounds
I think I'd be a former kittypet named Fluffy who joined Skyclan and ended up with a name like Fluffyheart or Fluffyflower or maybe even Fluffyash
I gotta say Mothwing. I love my atheist med cat
I never intentionally named any cats after canon characters, but I did give some feral cats around my grandparents house warrior names(Fernflight, Sproutkit, Owlkit, and Frecklestorm are just some of the names I gave cats)
I'm sorry I gotta pick Swiftpaw, I made an entire AU out of him and his littermate Lynxkit living to become warriors together, I have to choose him
Old School Warriors Ask Game
I haven’t made one of these before but I thought it would be fun >:3c I couldn’t ask obvious ones like “who do u think the 4th cat is” but I tried to keep these centered on heated discussions around 2009ish
1. what color is scourge’s collar?
2. top 5 the prophecies begin characters
3. should hollyleaf have had a power?
4. millie or silverstream?
5. favorite forbidden romance
6. favorite sss warriors design
7. realistic or sparkle designs for roleplay?
8. first deviantart username
9. favorite crack ship (ex. revengeshipping)
10. describe your first warriors oc
11. favorite amv prior to 2014?
12. is brambleclaw a good main character?
13. rank the clans (excluding skyclan, including bloodclan)
14. dovewing or ivypool?
15. daisy: yay or nay?
16. did you ever use fanart as your pc wallpaper?
17. what would your warrior name be and what clan would you belong to?
18. favorite medicine cat? (cutoff being oots)
19. did you name/want to name a pet after a character?
20. swiftpaw, gorsepaw, or shrewpaw?
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sizzlingcloudmentality · 3 days ago
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let them see
pairing: Dave York x f!reader
wordcount: ~1.5k
summary: he gets you off in front of the other guys
warnings: explicit, smut, no use of y/n, reader is ablebodied, d/s dynamics (duh), voyeurism, exhibitionism, very affectionate degradation (it's Dave, of course he calls you a slut), female masturbation, male masturbation, unprotected p in v, very affectionate possessive talk, creampie, petnames (baby), choking, dm me if I missed any
a/n: @luxurychristmaspudding posted this poll and my brain short circuited at 2am. Do I get my extra points now for the explanation for why it has to be Dave, Em? This is an unbeta'd horny mess, and I'm not even sorry ✨
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He teases you and taunts you, touches you almost everywhere where you need him, baring you in front of the other.
"You enjoy this, don't you. So fucking wet already," he whispers loud enough for everyone to hear. "Haven't even touched you properly. Such a needy slut."
You writhe and plead, murmur please, please, please, touch me, finger me, fuck me. And he shakes his head, tsks at you and grips you chin, tilting your head back until you have to arch your back. All pretty for him, just by the touch of two fingers on your face.
"I don't think I will. But you... you do it. Behave like the good little slut that you are and make yourself come. Look at them while you do it," he croons, taking one of your hands and guiding it down between your spread legs. "Give them a show."
Your mind feels fuzzy, the need coursing in your veins almost cancels out the embarrassment of touching yourself in front of someone else than Dave.
And somewhere, in the back of head, a little voice tells you, that you actually like this. That you like being watched and that you like being the reason for the other to rub themselves, palming their hard dicks over their pants.
You enjoy this, don't you. Dave's voice echoes in your mind and you nod your head, even though no one has said a word. You're too far gone. "I like it," you mutter and you feel yourself clamp down on your fingers, "Please, oh god."
It's adorable, the way you talk to yourself, Dave thinks, watching you with a strange sense of pride. "It's alright, baby, you can do it," he coos at you from behind, slowly pumping himself, just like the others.
But he's not like the others. He's the lucky guy, he's the one who gets to fuck you. And when he sees you trembling, sees your movements become more frantic, he knows it's going to be his turn soon.
You come and your own whimpers are drowned out by the groans of your audience. It's an intense orgasm, for fingerfucking yourself, but of course it is, seeing the other stroking and pumping themself. Just because of you. Their eyes are glued to you, they watch every of your moves, how you pull your fingers out of your weeping cunt. You hear them, the curses, the grunts, the unmistakable quiet squelches.
Dave's arm slings around you immediately, he pulls you close, closer, into his lap just when you're still twitching from your orgasm. But he's relentless. Pushing into you, hissing because your cunt is still squeezing and clenching and gripping him tightly.
He kisses your back, nips your skin, makes sure to keep you spread open with his legs pushing yours apart. His thrusts are shallow, he's giving you a moment to recover but he also wants you to writhe again and plead the he fucks you please, please, deeper, god, please.
He's considering it, but not now. There are more important things to do.
"Tell them, baby. Tell them who you belong to," he growls.
"You. I belong to you."
"That's right. Smart girl.” Another shallow thrust and he holds you down, holds you still, halfway on his cock. “Who owns you?"
"You do," you whine and squirm, it's too much and you need more of it.
"Uh huh," he groans and rewards you with a single deep thrust. "And who's pussy is this, tell them."
"It's yours. Please," you mewl and turn to look at him over your shoulder.
“Please?” He taunts, mocks, but he also smiles. “You’re being so good. Like being fucked in front of the others, hm?” He knew it when he first saw you, it was clear as day, you had this desperation to be seen. And to be watched. Used.
“Yes…” You nod your head, still looking at him, his smile spreading warmth inside of you, coating your insides with heat.
“Don't tell me, tell them, baby.” He kisses your shoulder blade, his nose nudging your chin and he continues with the shallow, languid thrusts.
For a moment you look like a shy kid who's told to talk to an intimidating adult. But he got you, Dave's hand splayed over your stomach, the other one between your legs, it gives you a feeling of security.
You turn towards the others again, stunned for a moment to see some of them already unraveling, squeezing their dicks in their large hands or pulling on their balls. They like it, too, that you let yourself being fucked in front of them.
“I…,” you stutter but then feel a tender bite between your shoulders. He got your back. You swallow thickly past the lump of shame and lust in your throat. “I like it. That you're watching me.”
Another tender bite, another deep stroke, his fingers circling over your sensitive clit. You're doing good. Keep going. Tell them.
“I like seeing you jerking off to me being fucked.”
Some of the men have a beard and you imagine how nice the burn must feel on your thighs. How pretty the men would look, all shiny and coated in your slick. Your pussy clenches, and Dave hisses again.
God, you're really turned on by this, he thinks and buries himself deep inside of you to feel every inch of your tight heat. He has to do that again, soon, invite some friends and have you in front of them. You like it. Such a good slut for me.
It's ridiculous how wet you are, there's a satisfying squelch every time Dave fills you completely. Your tits bounce while he fucks up into you, his own movement growing more hurried, just like the movements of the other men.
You grab his hand on your stomach and pull it up, groping one tit with his hand, squeezing it until you wince, then drag his hand higher, to your throat, squeezing again, whimpering another please, please, please.
“Filthy slut,” he sneers, proudly. “Tell them what you want. Tell them and I'll fill you up.”
He wraps his fingers around your throat, tightly, holding you in place so he can use you like he pleases.
“Choke me. Please. They need to see…-”
He squeezes, just the right amount of pressure, tried-and-true, and your breathing becomes shallow while his thrusts become deeper, harder. Dave sees them, the others, some of them already came, some of them close, just like himself.
But he's the lucky one. He gets to have you, to fuck you, toy with you, make you come on his cock while the others only get to watch.
“Fuck, baby, I'll ruin you. I'll wreck your little slut pussy. Fill you up, you'll drip for days when I'm done with you. You want that?”
You nod your head, rasp a yes please, ruin me.
He's so close, so close to pumping you full, you want it so bad, to feel full and then to feel his hot cum trickle out of you.
Cum. The air slowly fills with the scents of sex and cum. So much cum. You watch them, how they lose it over your hole being filled, how they spurt all over their hands. You lose yourself, holding on to your breasts, pinching your nipples, pulling, twisting, moaning, clenching.
“Fill me up. Wreck me,” you manage to say with Dave choking you just right, if he comes, you'll come. He needs to come for you. “Let them see who owns me. Let them know. Show them.”
It's too much at this point, he can't hold back and he doesn't care about it either. He'll show them alright. You're his, his alone. His hips snap against you, squelching and smacking in the air, your moans, his, the grunts of the others. Another thrust, hard, shaking your whole body and your cunt tightens. A perfect fuckhole for him.
With a strangled growl against your shoulder he slams into you, the final thrust, throbbing inside of you while you milk him perfectly with another orgasm of your own. You whine and spasm, and then you feel it, Dave's cum already leaking out of you. There’s too much of it to make it fit inside of you. You reach down, smear it all over you and him, over his balls because he hates that but he also loves how you always clean your mess up afterwards.
You might just do it later, on your knees and on display for the other, licking Dave clean until he's hard again. You'd let them watch, let them see everything.
His hand loosens and falls away from your throat, it makes purchase of your breasts instead. A kiss on your neck makes you turn your face towards Dave again. A wicked gleam in his dark eyes, a soft smile, hidden and only for you to see.
“Such a good little slut for me, baby,” he croons and kisses your cheek. “Now get down and clean up.”
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@guiltyasdave wrote what happens after this, go treat yourself and don't forget to charge your toys! read let them feel, now!
more filthy Dave in your life? check out tainted heart (read the warning please!)
find Dave's masterlist here
find my general masterlist here
dividers: as always @saradika-graphics 💕
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nanamis-bigtie · 2 days ago
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impromptu rendezvous
↬ hanamaki takahiro x fem!reader ↬ masterlist // ao3 version
cw: smut, friends to lovers, reader has breasts, vagina & is rather feminine, drunk sex, piv sex, creampie, sex on couch, long-term platonic relationship goes romantic really quick summary: through the years of close friendship you have never felt anything romantic towards hanamaki…but have you really? you feign being drunk to escape an overwhelming party and when he takes care of you, you can't bring yourself to refuse his help. instead, you keep the game rolling until you find yourselves alone in your apartment word count: 4.8k a/n: commission for lovely @antique-remains ❤ thank you so much for your support and trust, i loved working with you and your ideas!
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"My, my, aren't you a good wife?"
Matsun's sarcastic comment has Hanamaki's eyebrows twitch with irritation, but he doesn't stop nor retort. He's had his good dose of alcohol too, shoelaces of your boots tangling between his fingers as he's kneeling on one knee between your legs, leaning slightly to the right. It puts strain into your own knee but you don't mind; you like the weight of his body and its warmth, especially now, your mind foggy and overwhelmed. It's familiar and personal, great comfort amidst the chaos and noise, and the crowd filling the apartment a little much for your limits.
You didn't hate the party—no, you were always looking forward to Matsun's—but it strained you far past what you expected. You didn't make it easy for yourself either, pouring too much into yourself and too fast. And tomorrow's morning classes be damned, you were ready for even more, but Hanamaki was right there, with his overshielding that was sometimes getting on your nerves, but so needed right then. Gently but firmly, he moved your glass away and excused you both from the company. Soon, you've been herded towards the hallway, packed into your jacket, having your purse shoved under your arm, and sat down for him to deal with your boots.
You're not that drunk to not be able to take care of yourself but once he's dropped to his knees, you've felt it's best to keep your mouth shut and just let him. Wouldn't be the first time either and you know better than to argue against his care—but you can't pretend you don't like him like this now, with his flushed cheeks between your legs, eyebrows knit in focus and their little twitch at Matsun's teasing behind his back. The urge to thread fingers through his hair is real and persistent; you know how soft it is, and you know the smell of his shampoo would linger on your fingers for quite some time but, again, you're not that drunk. Such a move would be shameless even for your long and close friendship, and feigning daze right under Matsukawa's nose could as well be a straight confession of feelings.
Nothing could escape those knowing eyes, even what you haven't dared to admit to yourself. No, it's better to play stupid and limp, and to nibble on your bottom lip, watching Makki on his knees for you, letting him dart you up and wrap arm around your waist once he's dressed himself, ready to lead you outside and to your apartment.
"You're gonna be okay?" Matsukawa is dead serious now, holding the door for you two and lingering there even as you make it past the garden and pavement to your Uber ride.
"We've been worse," Hanamaki scoffs, no offense taken though. "Get back there and don't drown yourself in beer."
"Sure. Don't break your legs or something."
Your place is only a couple of blocks away but in your current state it would take forever to get there on foot. You would still try though, too dazed to think of a ride, but what do you have Hanamaki for, if not for being your brain in times like these? It would be enough to pack you into the car and trust the driver with the delivery, but he took a seat next to you and let you lean against him.
Matsun's not there anymore to judge and tease you so you grow bolder, as bold as you can in presence of a bystander right under your nose. The crook of Hanamaki's neck is tailored for the shape of your head; you nuzzle up there and close your eyes, to ease the dizziness caused by car's vibrations, yes, but first and foremost to soak yourself in his scent. It's duller under the lingering smell of the party, of the crowd, smoke and that sharp, teasing aftertaste of beer and vodka, but you can still catch a glimpse of him. His cologne is subtle but persistent, like him, but there's the shampoo and shower gel combo you will always recognize after countless times of finding it in your own bathroom after he's spent a night on your couch. 
And under that, deeper, there's him, the natural scent of his body, embarrassingly familiar for the distance you, despite everything, still keep.
It's the scent you've known for the longest and, in prospect of over ten years of your friendship, it's so funny how offensive you found it at first. Always in a hurry, from volleyball club to precious hours reserved for friends, barely squeezed into his tight schedule, he skipped a shower here and there, and as he never smelled bad to you, for some reason it irritated you how much he stood out for your nose and how it distracted you.
You've drilled a habit of keeping his hygiene always on point. But now, in the confines of the small car, with the rough edge of his jacket nuzzled up to your cheek, you wish you could smell more of him, if only a little.
Friends, even the best kind, don't cram their noises into their necks during their shared Uber ride, the sobering part of your brain is trying to point your attention to that, but you ignore it. And Hanamaki doesn't mind it, even wraps his arm around you shortly before you reach your destination, way too late for your liking. But the hold soon returns, first helping you out of the car, then keeping you straight up the stairs and into the elevator, finally leading you to your door.
"Even a blind person could rob you," he mutters, fishing the keys out of your pocket with ease. The lock clicks open with half of a turn, and he sighs, concerned and amused alike.
"Shut up," you mumble, hanging on his shoulder more than needed. "No one has robbed me before."
"Fortune favors fools, eh?"
"You're calling me stupid?" You withstand when he's trying to push you past the threshold—well, as much as your wobbly legs can, heels not helping your case. You're having a taste of upper hand only because Hanamaki lets you, you know it from the playful flickers in his eyes; he's squinting and tilting head to side as you're pulling him two steps back into the corridor—just for him to set you into your prior position with a single pull.
"I'm calling you drunk and too light-hearted." He's finally done and tugs at your arm until you lose balance—and fall straight into his arms, then over his shoulder as he's tripped you, and picks you up with ease.
"I'm gonna scream!" You kick and wiggle, but he knows your tricks too well to let you slip out.
"Sure, scream, princess." Covering you with one arm, he shuts the door behind your backs. "Show me what those little lungs can do."
You're carried into the living room, then thrown onto the couch, seemingly with no care for your state, but you know Makki could be far less gentle, if he really wanted to pay you back for your little games. Your mind is fuzzy more from hanging over his shoulder than the landing itself—but still not fuzzy enough to stop you in your tracks. You shamelessly stretch legs, one foot playfully slotted in his hand; he rolls his eyes but undoes the boot, then the other, then helps you out of your jacket and carries everything to the hallway.
He's mapped your apartment better than your current, overly absent roommate has, and you're ready to bet he's actually spent more time here than her through all those years of crashing on your couch. In no time he has a bottle of water and painkillers for you, a heated blanket is pulled out of the cabinet and thrown over your legs, he even helps you with your skincare duty, bringing you make-up removal wipes.
"You could have carried me straight to bed." You didn't want to sound whiny or disappointed, but it does come across as so; you curl your shoulders, unsure of his next move and for the first time since what seems forever unable to read his expression. Hell, you're unsure of your intentions and reason behind the weird longing, your mind free of thoughts, just waiting for his reaction and feeling weirdly shy, as if you were stripped naked and left for his judgment.
Hanamaki indeed seems to judge you, his head tilted to the side just a little, eyes narrowed much like a cat's a moment before the final pounce. He often does so, an old habit of analyzing the court before a move rubbing off on every aspect of his life, but you haven't paid any particular attention to it until now, when his focus is piercing you inside out.
He can strip you of your confidence like no one, years of your friendship a blessing and a curse alike.
"That's a forbidden territory," he finally settles on ignoring the topic, not dwelling on but not quite letting it die right here and now either. "I ain't that much of a pervert to walk into some girl's bedroom just like that. Especially with a girl ripped to the tits."
"I'm not some girl to you, ain't I?" You huff and pout. "Haven't you said I'm almost like a sister?"
For a moment there's a weird look in his eyes, maybe pain, maybe disappointment, but it's quickly replaced by his good old teasing demeanor, "I wouldn't walk into my sis' bedroom either. Sorry, you either sleep here or crawl there on your own. Good luck."
Hanamaki makes a beeline for the door, ready to slink off but when you call out to him by his name, he immediately freezes and looks over his shoulder, as if you pulled on an invisible leash around his neck.
"You're not staying?" You shimmy into one corner of the couch, leaving the other half for him. "We can order Chinese. And— And maybe watch something. On Netflix or—"
"You are aware how it sounds, right?" He says but he's already throwing his sneakers and jacket off, closing the distance between you in a few wide steps. Couch dips under his weight as he's thrown himself straight at it with a loud groan, your side bobbing under you as a result.
You barely hold a yelp in your throat. Why are you so tense suddenly? You've already been way closer than on two sides of the same couch, the distance between you now wouldn't be anything weird even for people who barely know each other.
When you think about it now, your sobering mind slowly connecting the right puzzles, there is some emotional distance between you two lately. You can't pinpoint when exactly it's started; you've been slowly tiptoeing away from each other, building an invisible, thin veil in between. There's still comfort and familiarity you don't share even with your female friends but it's not the same as it used to be.
For a try, you dare to straighten your legs and rest them on his lap. Makki doesn't budge but palpably lingers with the next move; finally, he cups your feet between his big hands and massages them. You don't really need a relief for them but it's a little ritual you two have developed since you've started wearing high heels.
"Chinese then?" You draw a circle with one foot, playfully avoiding his touch.
"I won't fit a single thing more," he makes a tortured face just at the thought. "I've drunk too much."
"You don't look wasted."
Hanamaki snorts and throws head back, his face out of the range of your vision. You watch his Adam's apple bob when he swallows his laughter, your mouth dry in a way you've never felt for him. Or maybe you have but it's been easier to brush it off without alcohol clearing your mind with a sadistic precision. You're stripped bare by your own chain of bad decisions, nowhere to hide and no way to pretend anymore.
"Neither do you." He tickles the sole of immobilized foot and holds you through the spasm, merciless despite the tenderness of his hold. "You're not that drunk as you try to act, hmm?"
His fingers trail along the side of your foot and ankle, then up your shin, towards the sensitive area around your knee, a thin layer of your stocking in no way able to protect you from incoming tortures. He keeps you on the edge, fingertips hovering over the point you know it will have you scream, cry, and beg—or worse, if he tickles you for too long.
Warmth creeping straight into your core has nothing to do with this anticipation though; it's intense but not rapid, and you take it for alcohol running in your veins at first, at least until immense need for being touched overpowers everything. The urge to squeeze your thighs and trap his hand in between is strong, anxiety squeezing your lungs even stronger, the mess of thoughts and emotions in your head devastating.
It feels...wrong, to react to his touch like this. You're holding the blame for alcohol messing with you, despite being called out on it and despite your body sobering up with each draft of air. No, it surely has to be the drunkard speaking through you, otherwise you would have to admit—
(To admit it feels wrong, but you need it, you need it so bad you might cry, if you won't get it from him.)
Hanamaki grazes the ticklish spot, impatient for your answer, and this time you can't hold a yelp any longer. It's dangerously close to a moan, your heart skips a beat when your eyes meet but he only cocks an eyebrow, waiting, either missing your reaction or ignoring it.
"I had enough," you admit in a whisper, afraid the trembling of your voice will betray you. "Needed to get out but explaining it all to Matsun—"
He chuckles, amused and understanding. Matsukawa could be a pain in the ass with his overzealous nosiness and you surely were drunk enough to find it troublesome.
"You could have at least told me." He tickles you again, forcing you to laugh and jerk up. His hand slides towards the inner side of your leg and doesn't budge from there. 
You don't move, either, a little ashamed how easily you caved and accepted the crumbs off the plate. Warmth in you is pulsing, not a wave anymore but the first flicker of fire that's bound to explode if you won't extinguish it right here and now.
"Didn't want to sit here all alone." You throw head back, saving yourself at least the torture of his gaze looking for yours. You wish you didn't throw the blanket on the floor as soon as he threw it at you, you could hide under it and soak back into your excuses and lies.
"You could have told me that too." Hanamaki is unwavering, his thumb rubbing circles into your stocking. "Instead of playing... Whatever it is. Dragging me here like some drunk rando you keep tabs on, letting him seduce you."
You can't read whether he's teasing you or being dead serious—and it's terrifying. The last thing you want is to hurt him, to have him reject you and close the door not only to whatever is happening between you two now but also to your cherished friendship. You love him, as who doesn't really matter. You need him more than just the physical craving, peaking after months, if not years of repressed yearning. 
You would never forgive yourself, if you lost it all because of drunk carelessness.
"What if I said I wouldn't mind being seduced by you?" You finally break, all cards on the table. Keeping you both on the edge is the worst outcome, you would rather take the ultimate rejection than toying further with his trust and creating distance you two would never close again.
He sucks in breath through clenched teeth, a few seconds of silence unbearable for your poor, fluttering heart. Weight of his fingers against your thigh grows, he nearly sinks them into your flesh before he speaks, his voice so tense it's almost breaking, "Please tell me it was you who said it, not booze messing with me."
"I wouldn't mind being seduced by you." You repeat and adjust your position, looking straight at him now against the urge to hide your face in your hands. Embarrassment is not a word you two share in your dictionary, but the vulnerability of the moment drives you insane, each passing second feeling like burning hot liquid metal poured straight into your heart.
You watch him wipe his face with a free hand, watch his chest bob with a deep, desperate breath. Eyes closed shut, Hanamaki collects racing thoughts; you see his eyebrows twitching in intense focus, a small bead of sweat dripping down his temple. It lasts a few heartbeats, it feels like hours, surely for the both of you, years of experience in reading each other no relief on this completely different ground.
"You have no idea how many times I've dreamed about it." When he finally speaks, his voice is hoarse and guttural, speaking straight from his core and stripped bare. "Since the last year— Fuck, I don't know for how long, maybe from the beginning... I feel like I always wanted you—"
He hides face in both hands now and groans, frustrated with his own helplessness and tongue tied with the remains of a drunk haze. Both of you have lost the majority of it at this point, though, at least at the mental level.
"I suck at confessions." He finally admits the obvious and you both collapse into giggles in relief. "I'm much better with my hands."
They're both at you again, exploring your legs with more punch to it. Makki follows the seam of your stockings, up and under the hem of your dress until he reaches the lacey welt and toys with them. He takes his time stripping you of them, teasing and testing, relishing in the feel of your bare skin slowly revealing itself for him.
His fingers are warm, but you still shudder when he cradles your ankles and glides up your calves. You spread your legs for him, but he doesn't reach further, for now satisfied with little twitches and goosebumps covering your skin. He's making you pay for your little lie, you realize with an impatient mewl, and he wouldn't mind having you pull the rope towards yourself, but you let him have his way. You feel guilty, after all, for the quirk of tonight and the silence of numerous months. He can have this moment of triumph.
He's bored with it faster than you thought.
"C'mon, baby girl," he tosses your legs away and pats his lap, a faint teasing smirk on his lips.
You don't need to be told twice.
You roll your dress further up and straddle him. Not until now you realized how tense and hot and heavy you've been, your starved and sensitive pussy twitching just at the brush of his jeans. Thin layer of your panties could as well just not exist, you grind on him for relief—irregular, sharp moves of hips, soon cut by both of his arms wrapped tight around you.
Makki kept himself in shape, you note with satisfaction feeling his muscles tense against your waist. You know of his gym routine, of course, but it's a whole different world when you can touch and appreciate him in his whole glory. You sink your hands under his t-shirt, trace his abs and chest to your liking as you lean for a kiss, at first shy, then sliding your tongue in with ease.
You've imagined it before, but the reality is nowhere close to your fantasies. He's good, he's so incredibly good despite the aftertaste of everything you've poured into your throats before and the clumsiness of the first shared kiss. You're ready to drown in it, forgetting about the whole world, even about the dull pulsing between your legs—if not for his hands relentlessly at work, one kneading your ass, the other unzipping your dress and sliding it down your shoulders.
"Can I?" Hanamaki whispers against your lips, his eyes half closed and glossy. He traces the clasp of your bra and undoes it immediately as you nod.
Dress is rolled down your waist, bra—thrown behind the couch. Makki leans back to see you better, mouth slightly agape at the sight. He squeezes your breasts with both hands, feeling their shape against his palms, swallows hard.
"You're so hot..." He mutters, close to choking on his own words.
You press into his touch, chase the closeness as you grind against him with the right rhythm and pressure now. He welcomes you with a needy groan, his face shoved into your neck, sucking and nibbling, and even daring to bite.
"I'm sorry," he kisses a beeline towards your chest, hot breath grazing your perky nipple.
"You're not sorry," you pull him closer, fingers threading through his hair.
"Yeah, I'm not."
Makki's tongue is divine against your skin. He sucks on your tits with fervor, at first tries to tease, but quickly forgets himself, encouraged by your breathy moans and nails scratching his scalp. He's soon answering the rhythm of your hips too, the front of his jeans bulging, surely tight for his hardening cock. It takes you a few tries in the confines of his hold, but you finally open his belt and zipper and help him out of his briefs.
He groans in relief but doesn't stop sucking, just bucks into your hand when you give him the first, testing stroke. You follow the wordless request, build up a decent rhythm for him even if he doesn't make it easy for you with the work of his lips and fingers. Holding you firm with one arm, he reaches between your legs and returns the favor, fingers toying with your slit.
"So wet for me already?" He tries to tease, his voice on the verge of a needy moan under the relentless ministrations of your hand. His eyes roll into the back of his head as you swipe your thumb against his sensitive tip. "Fuck, that's right... Right here, baby."
You love the way it rolls off his tongue, this casual, endearing pet name he's sometimes used before just to fuck around with you. It's sweet and desperate, drenched with need as he's rutting into your palm, for a split moment forgetting about you and mumbling it again into your breasts once catching himself on being sloppy.
You're honestly no better, losing your mind whenever his fingers toy with your entrance. You want him inside, so badly it tears you apart, but you know you're going to forget yourself as soon as you get what you want. His cock pulsing in your hand doesn't make it easy for you, it's like a torture at this point, torture you want to—have to—endure for him. One finger in, two, three—you clench your teeth and squeeze him tighter in your hand, on the verge of begging him to ruin you, fighting against it, soaking in immense pleasure of having your slick walls caressed exactly how you need it.
"Not gonna— Fuck, last long if you—" Hanamaki peels himself off your chest, puts everything he still has in him into pushing his high away. "Lemme— Lemme take care of you first."
He guides you to lean against him, hands against his chest, hips angled to reach your sweet spot better. Focused on self-control, you missed how he's been relentlessly looking for it, testing, observing, attentive despite his own need trying to take over.
"T-there..." You help him as much as your trembling thighs let you, arching your ass into his hand. "Don't stop now."
"I won't."
Toes curling and pleasure turning your body into spasm, you almost lose the perfect balance at the crucial moment. But Makki is there for you, holding you close and right, helping you ride your high until the last delicious second. You slump against him, blessed, exhausted but nowhere close to being full; you mewl with protest when he pulls out of you.
Makki cocks an eyebrow, surprised and hopeful at the same time, "Do you still wanna—"
You glance down at this dick, beads of precum glistening at its tip, and put the last ounce of power left in you into lifting your hips once again. He mutters something about lack of protection, neither of you listen, sanity all gone with a single swipe between your folds.
"Gonna be slow—" You can see in his eyes how much it costs him, to be mindful of your weakened, overstimulated state instead of throwing you on your back and fucking you stupid. You would take it, you would take everything, but his restraint tastes the best now.
He keeps his word, filling up inch by inch, holding you to ease strain for your trembling knees. Before your head falls into the crook of his neck, you catch a glimpse of his expression, blissed out from the simple pleasure of your wet pussy squeezing him tight. He whispers your name like a prayer, cradling you close and fully impaled on him, savoring the moment before you force your bodies to move again.
You start first but you can bounce on it only a few times before he has to take over, holding your hips for you. He stays true to his promise; even when his arms start giving up and his upward thrusts grow sloppy, he stays gentle and sweet—as much as a man drunk of you can when chasing his high. 
There's no rhythm to it, more than anything you just sway together, but just being full of him is enough. Thighs flush to him, you soak into him, chest to chest, your face in the crook of his neck, his breath heavy and moist in your ear. He throbs deep in you, close to release since the moment he's sunk into you, but stubborn to endure a little more, for another thrust, for another frantic budging of your hips, for another twitch of your pussy around him. He struggles to praise you for it too, his voice dying on him whenever he tries though, leaving him with just a string of groans and pieces of your name in between, over and over again.
He's trying to say it one more time when it finally hits him. His arms tremble and he sinks you onto his cock one more time, spilling his seed deep inside. You hold him through it, nails digging into his shoulders through the t-shirt, almost crying in your own overstimulation. 
Hanamaki wraps himself around you as well, soaking into your dry sobs, one hand soothingly petting the small of your back.
"You did so well, baby," he rasps into your ear, kissing the trail of sweat next to it.
You did so well—like back in high school when you broke your dominant arm and struggled to take notes with the other. When you got drunk for the first time and he held your hair as you were leaning over the toilet. When you broke and cried after a hard exam in your first year. When you finally got rid of your horrible ex.
He's praised you so many times before. But none sounded as sweet as the one now, in his embrace, breathing in air full of his scent, sharing the warmth of your sweaty bodies.
Still connected, you lean together to the side and collapse into the couch. It's uncomfortable, especially for Makki and his long limbs, but you both have reached your limit, and even a risk of being eventually caught by your roommate doesn't prompt you to move.
"You were right, should have carried you to the bedroom," Hanamaki sighs heavily against your neck and cradles you closer, as away from the edge as you both can fit.
"I'm always right," you chirp with confidence and prompt yourself for a pinch or nudge you would get in return, but he just laughs and guides your head to rest in his palm.
"Let's leave regrets and consequences for tomorrow." He says after a moment of silence, long enough for you to think he's dozed off. His lips are pressed close to your skin, his voice barely audible. "I don't wanna think of anything else other than you finally in my arms."
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skull-fvcker · 24 hours ago
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Morality
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❥ Yandere! Arcane Viktor x Gender Neutral! Reader
A/N: cross-posted from my ao3. Old fanfiction from 2021, written way before season two. Thought I might as well post it here—the final episode broke me, by the way.
Summary: Years worth of obsession and fantasy obfuscated his once comprehensible brain. But it felt as if this was a crucial transition. Viktor is convinced he is a good man, but his actions are speaking otherwise against his morality.
Warnings: 7204 words, MDNI, obsessive behaviour, kidnapping, viktor is delusional, yandere viktor by the way, dubious consent(he coerces you), unhealthy and one-sided relationship, gender-neutral pronouns used for reader, no usage of y/n, gentle sex, set in season 1
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In all honesty, Viktor did not know how it started or when it got out of hand. It started as a simple fascination and he had treated it as such. Nothing was wrong with that, he was a man of science after all. It was in his nature to feel drawn to things that he did not quite understand. Many years have passed since that day. Before his strange obsession came into his life. Honestly, now that he was alone to think about it, had it ever come into his life at all? Or, by some force of nature, he had forced it into his own life? The ever-changing flow of time halted the very moment Viktor had initially realised that he had more than a problem on his hands.
Viktor thought of himself as a man with morals. He was not the best person, yes, there are plenty of others that shone brighter than he did, but he found his value in his work and ethics. That being said, nothing about him was right. His work had been clogged for year's now; the chaotic office space merely setting as a permanent indication that he had slipped too far this time. Above all else, he had guaranteed himself that his work came foremost, give or take a few instances in which it did not. This case was different, however. A disturbing accomplishment that, when asked initially, he wrote off his findings as evidence, or even lack thereof. Whether or not he was believed, was foreign to even him.
Directly adjacent to his cluttered working place—being neat had long passed his troubled brain, hadn't it?— lie his crutch, sat in such a way that it may fall at any minute. Viktor paid it no mind, at least not at first, but looking over his notes and the observations that he had written down, an idea popped up within what was left of a comprehensive state of mind. Of course, how could he have been so oblivious to forget such a thing, it was written clear as day in these scattered notes. His nimble, cold fingers grasped at the end of his crutch and he tugged it over and dug it into the floor while it enabled him to stand.
Viktor's book laid sloppily in his hand, page open in clear view. "Yes," he breathed, "I suppose this will do." He closed the withered book and shoved it between his left arm and clothed side. Periodically, an opportunity was difficult to come by. He had to do the best with what he had been given, though an itch in his brain told him that: why settle for fine, when you can go beyond?
The aforementioned person that he mentioned, the obsession - the two had never even met before, Hell, Viktor was certain it never even knew of his existence. It was ostensibly a normal upper city citizen with no strange qualities, nothing special about its behaviours nor its personality. It was normal. But it made him feel bizarre inside. He could effortlessly correlate it to that of an over-easy egg slowly cooking within a skillet until the yoke bursts for seemingly no reason and tarnishes the taste of the egg entirely. Just like that, it was ruining him. Granted, neither of them seemed to be eggs, but he believed the metaphor to fit rather well. Humanity always seemed to be so fickle, so easily swayed and broken. Just like an egg.
No matter the weakened disposition he had, nor the lingering scent of death he had become accustomed to, nothing prepared Viktor for the way his certain obsession made him feel. He was intelligent enough to not let these be known, oh, how he would hate the way that Jayce would assume the worst of his sentiments. Would he? Jayce had changed rather strikingly since the first day the two had met. Nevertheless, Viktor never seemed to be the man for love, much less protection of those around him.
Moreover, he was sure that with such dehumanising language and behaviour, nobody would hear his side of the matter. After all, calling the object of your affection an "it," and "thing," definitely does not look good for your compassion. Still, it gave him a reason to humanise his behaviour—if his obsession is not seen as equal, then what's the issue, exactly? To be blunt, it served no purpose other than to make him feel better since not a soul knew of this but him.
Sure, it did not occur to him that he would have strayed this far, but sometimes you have to do what you can to keep someone safe. He was in no state to protect someone on his own, he knew this far too well, he could never protect anyone with this sickly, frail body of his. That is why kidnapping was an absolute must. Reminiscing of the past did no good but to open up older wounds that set themselves up for failure, but the first day they had formally met was an exhilarating experience.
When they had seen him, there was a quizzical expression plastered on their face, and they even confused him for a council member of all things—never attentive, he presumed—but upon realising who he was, Viktor found himself met with immediate scepticism. Viktor could not fault them, it was something he knew all too well, though, maybe he should have saved his anguish for another day. The way their warmer hand held onto his own when he reached out to shake it. Their hand was soft, softer than his at least, and much less calloused. Smaller. Yet, their fingers did not hold the appearance of his own; on the contrary, they looked healthy. Healthier than him.
Of course, with someone who seemed to not have any imperfection, how was Viktor not supposed to fall for them, much less become intrigued with their very existence at that point? Humans were so fickle, he knew very well with how his body had grown to become sicker, but they seemed so robust, so self-sufficient. It was just like any other person, nothing too special but it stood out to him and that was what mattered.
It hurt him, really it did, to see them gawk at him with betrayal, to seem so frightened of someone who wasn't even strong, to begin with, but love came with sacrifice and even if he couldn't help everyone, then he would try to help them the best that he could.
Viktor revolted and fought against his rationality, he really did, he tried his absolute best to make sense of both his actions and what he had done. Within the months, he had thoroughly convinced himself that it was for the greater good, for the safety of his obsession; to keep them isolated from others. It was not the healthiest choice, he would acknowledge at the time, but now he may argue that it was the only thing he could have done upon meeting them formally. He just could not let them go.
Months had passed since that day, but it was fun to reminisce sometimes. Besides, it was even better that, when he had the time, they were someone in which he could spoil with every day. Yes, Viktor took things slow and always was sure to leave them be, yet give them company, but watching them stare at him with a look that he could hardly even decipher anymore, left him breathless. And he didn't even know why.
That very thing forced him into the very dilemma that he is in now. Standing in front of a locked door with a flawlessly crafted key lying in his tremoring hand. It was from excitement, he knew it was. It was like this was his own secret sanctuary where he hid his most precious desire and treasure, his perfect obsession that wept behind locked doors. It was the same every day, no matter how long he would stare.
The door opened with a slight rasp, the only other noise being a stifled sob and the sound of scuffing against the floor, then the buoyancy of bedsprings. His stiff body staggered against the sturdy cane, his hunched over body barely allowing the light to pool in around the walls of the door frame. Every day seemed no closer to his objective. He didn't even know how he had done this. Years worth of obsession and fantasy obfuscated his once comprehensible brain. But it felt as if this was a crucial transition.
Viktor is convinced he is a good man, but his actions are speaking otherwise against his morality.
"Good morning, dear. Have you slept well?" The sounds of chains screamed in his ears when he spoke. All these years and his lover still has not gotten used to their living state. "Ehh... I have already assured you. Good behaviour is rewarded, please understand that this is an absolute must to keep you safe." They were terrified. Of him. Isolation was a punishment and he could never help but feel dreadful about them being punished for things out of their control.
"When can I go home?" was the concern they always pleaded with whenever they saw him. Viktor tried to not let it get under his skin, really he did, but the knowledge that they did not want to be with him weighed heavy on his mind. He loved them, they had to recognize. Their eyes were so passive; it reminded him of when he had first seen the mutation, Rio, when he was a young boy. Curiosity, distress; panic. They just did not understand this yet.
Perhaps all the days that he merely sat there and stared at them with a desolate expression thoroughly destroyed the way they would perceive him, or how he would blatantly ignore their tantrums and screaming, tapping his fingers along the edge of his crutch like a patient father waiting for their child to calm down. Of course, Viktor never mistreated them. The most he did was further isolate them, which explained the absolutely pitiful state that they were in right now.
Reluctance to accept the changing future will result in the fear of what's to come. He understands it's different from what they were used to. But one must adapt to their surroundings and become accustomed. Viktor has already sacrificed so much for them; when was it their turn to return the favour? The ever-changing future is something he will never know for certain.
Viktor sighed, watching them press their body against the nook of the room where their bed had been so delicately placed. The bedsheets had been sent into a state of disrepair, and certain pillows seemed more shapely than the rest. From clutching them too tightly, he inferred. It was adorable.
"This is your home," It was no wonder that they attempted to squeeze themselves farther against the wall when he staggered closer. "I don't have any food this time, I'm afraid," he stood right at the side of their mattress, directly in front of trembling form, his eyes fixated on the plate that sat adjacent to the bed, at least a few days old now. "Though, I'm glad that you, ehm, were able to finish your last meal. Good job." A sigh escaped him after the carefully placed praise fell from his lips and, upon staring hastily at them, he recalled the fear blending within their wide eyes. "However," he found himself fumbling over his words, "I know that you've been a little, eh... downcast, as of late so I have decided that I am going to offer you something that I'm sure you would love," he paused, almost reluctant to reach forward and stroke the hair behind their ear. Hesitant to touch them lovingly.
This situation was a troublesome one, of course, it would be, but he was not a fool in the matter. He read up on numerous articles simply so he can keep things safe for them — falling for one's captor, he had thought about it, yet the turmoil often sets in when he realises that they hadn't developed such a thing just yet. Had he not been too kind? Perhaps, it was the chains around their body? Particular disorders of the mind were so hard to force into existence; was that such a terrible thing to wish for? They looked as if they served more as a pet than anything else, honestly. But that's love, this is just his love. Viktor was well aware that a plethora of things regarding both he and his health weren't precisely right, particularly in concerns to other people. Honestly, staring at them in such a miserable state made him feel almost remorseful.
They must feel so trapped, not to mention secluded, after all, he was never able to spend as much time with them as he would have preferred. He wondered, did they feel imprisoned in their own body, too? Probably not in the way that he did, but it was a suspicion that lingered in his mind. He set his hand on the side of their face unexpectedly, and they jolted back. Granted, he was certain that his hand was freezing. But, Hell, it appeared as if they had almost whimpered at his touch. Still, he had never done anything to harm them, he's only keeping them safe. The images of the mutation Rio sitting in a tank of fluids that he knew all too well now, the thought of it being kept alive despite its pleas not to. Such lengths are just an experiment to preserve life. He understood, now. Not in the way that he should have, but he did.
Maybe that was how they felt. Like a trapped animal, frightened and alone. But they have him, they may not want him, but he is there.
Viktor's knees buckled as they pressed against the edge of the mattress, gently hoisting one after the other to get closer to the horrified individual hiding from his affection, which was already something which he never exhibited frequently.
"I want you to understand," he ran his thumb along their cheek with feathery soft touches, "I know you still don't understand why I'm doing this, or why you're here but rest assured that it's all out of genuine love." When you're going to change the world, don't ask for permission. "Alone. You're lonely and you're scared. I know how you feel. But you're special," their eyes met Viktor's for but an instant and it sent shock waves down his spine. Don't ask permission. "You're special to me, and that is what truly matters at this moment." They were about to cry. Correction, they were sobbing. And it was all his fault. Emotional turmoil mixed with the trauma enforced within them made this happen - because of Viktor.
And despite it all, Viktor could not help but feel proud of his accomplishments.
"Please," their name rolled off of his tongue like a loose screw in his brain, though more akin to a prayer. "Look at me when I'm talking to you, please." Their disobedience irritated him and sent his nostrils flaring, but he didn't allow that to show outwardly. They were already so skittish, why would he threaten them further? "Mm, I will reiterate it as many times as you desire: good behaviour is rewarded. If... If you're good—for me—then, and only then, will I allow you to go outside." His words set off a fire in their brain, he could tell how their breathing unexpectedly halted and they went completely tight-lipped. Was that all it took for them to settle down? An effortlessly broken promise?
Right, they were at their wit's end, weren't they? Their emotions override their rationality. The sunlight would be good for their health, after all. Quite frankly, the thought was unsettling, Viktor didn't want them out of his sight, but if it would make them satisfied then he could make configurations for such a thing. Though, he would have to be cautious to not allow anyone to see them. What if they tried to... escape, in a sense? It was dangerous, he would have to think about it thoroughly.
"Do you mean it?" They said, suddenly. Their head was raised aloft and their wide eyes stared directly at him. "If I'm good... I'll be able to go outside? It's—" A sharp inhale. "It's been months," they were optimistic. Why was it so unbearable to see them so miserable?
For all but a juncture, Viktor felt himself at a loss for words. There was no telling whether or not he would be able to keep that promise, but he could try. They just need to learn to embrace change and adapt, maybe they will forget about it in due time. "I mean it," he said without thought, "you have my word." Did they, truly? You should not make promises that you are incapable of keeping, but just this once, the way their expression lit up and how the tears fell from their eyes, made Viktor feel as if he had done something right this entire time. Without a single word, his hand slowly lowered from their warm cheek, his gangly fingers running alongside the edges of the collar that adorned their flawless neck.
In pursuit of great, we failed to do good.
How would Viktor feel if someone had done this to him? It was a rhetorical question; nobody cared for him enough to go to such drastic lengths to proclaim their love. Therefore, this couldn't have been an unfair thing for him to do. "We must adapt to change," he spoke softly as his fingers danced around their trembling jaw. "You must adapt to change." His voice dropped an octave, gaze falling back onto their face. He had adapted to this change flawlessly fine, it was them that had to figure out how to. They were ultimate perfection in his eyes—there was just one, little issue...
"What are you doing?" Their voice quivered. Viktor's hand slipped down to their collarbones, pinching against the soft fleshy prison.
"Ahm, eh, I am... feeling you, merely. Nothing more," their breath hitched at his actions. "Unless you want me to do more?" An unexpected whimper came from them, in which he did not know if it was good or not, but knowing them, it emanated from apprehension. "I love you, you know that. I would never force you to do something. Think of it as a friendly suggestion," Viktor's blunt fingernails found themselves becoming caught on the neckline of their shirt. "So, will you let me?" There was a pause between them. Most importantly, the air seemed to grow still. Tension so thick that you could slice it in half with a knife.
They shifted but didn't give Viktor a clear yes or no. In all honesty, they seemed to be dismissing him altogether. He could feel their body heat begin to amplify, a telltale indication of both their embarrassment and if he dares say desire. A relatively foolish notion, he was well aware, however, that did not mean anything in his mind, not in the current time. The future could come later, and his life may pass him by. But the future does not exist, does it? Not until you make it so. If he didn't take satisfaction in the opportunity that he had right now, then it may never come up again.
Nevertheless, he took the chance and leaned forward, inch by inch until his face had pressed into what was seen within the crook of their neck. Their skin was soft, warm; pulsating. "I am obsessed with you," both of his hands set themselves upon their shoulders, thumbs clutching against the blade of their clavicles. "I am, truly. My devotion, my love, my obsession for you—that will be the only thing that will never change no matter the year to come. You may push me away all that you desire, but I will come back to you. I love you." His chapped lips pressed in between their jawline and neck, a chaste kiss that he allowed to linger on their skin. They didn't even bother pushing him away. They had the strength to, yet abstained.
We failed to do good.
"Understand my efforts," his voice was barely above a whisper, "you must have seen them. Make sense of my love for you." His grip on their shoulders tightened, but he knew it would never be enough to harm them. It wasn't as if he wanted to injure them in the first place, either. However, it was short-lived, and Viktor's hands fell from their shoulders to their bound wrists, and straight down to their tremoring hands. "I have always wanted to do more with you—to be what most would consider a "couple" yet you keep pushing me away." During his rambling, Viktor heard them mumble something under their breath. "Could you repeat that?"
"I said I'm sorry," they whispered. For the first time, it seemed that they were apologising to him so sincerely, maybe with actual suspicions that something may transpire if they were to not apologise. It was startling, but a chance to hear their voice was satisfactory for Viktor. There was a lingering breath that he could feel tickle the back of his neck, coupled together with their heaving chest. They were scared.
We have to make it right.
Viktor felt his heart hammer against his rib cage, a knot forming in his throat bitterly. This clammy feeling in his chest was unneeded. "Well," he spoke with a sharp exhale, "do you know what would make me forgive you?" As if he hadn't already forgiven them, to begin with. Upon feeling them nod slowly, Viktor pulled away from them and hurried his hands from their own, to their neck. His touches were faint, but loving. Held a certain edge to them, hinted at with a distinct emotion. "I'm very sure you're aware of what I'm getting at," his breathing picked up, just as theirs did, and for a few instants, it seemed that theirs was in sync with his own. To his surprise, they shifted and nodded in agreement, but did not vocalise it.
Anxiously, Viktor proceeded to slowly creep his body forward, even closer to them than he was before. He felt his heart thumping against his rib cage, the wind being knocked from his lungs as he shakily exhaled. Viktor was not the type of man for sex, he never had the time to do it; but when it came to his little obsession, why not indulge? Their consent was dubious at best, but at this point, any hint of acceptance was promising enough for him. He struggled to rationalise his thinking but instead was only met with a cluttered mess within his brain. Viktor couldn't concentrate on anything other than them at this moment. It was just the two of them, and that was all that truly carried weight to him.
His kisses against their skin were light, virtually non-existent, but the genuine love that he harboured for them persisted despite their shuddering breathing; despite their apprehension. Viktor's lips pressed against their tender jawline until he finally met the edges of their lips. His hands were twitching, cupping the sides of their face with his thumbs caressing the skin underneath their eyes. This would be their first kiss together. Would they reciprocate it? He sure hopes that they would in some way, they don't seem to have any reasoning as to why they wouldn't. He pulled back momentarily to stare at them, only to notice that they weren't looking at him at all. That would be okay.
"You're mine," he breathed as he pressed his lips against their own once again. Viktor felt as if his chapped, thin lips were being engulfed by theirs—though, theirs were equally as chapped as he were. He made a mental note to up their water intake. The kiss did not quite feel the way that he visualized it to feel—he thought it would have felt more romantic in a sense. Moreover, he would have believed that they wouldn't be chained to the wall in such an intimate instant. But, good behaviour is rewarded. This was temporary, they knew that, as did he. Just as the kiss was about to end, he felt them lean into it and press their lips into his own. That, above everything else, made him feel like the blessedest man in all of Piltover. Of Zaun, anywhere.
"I love you more than anything," confessed Viktor as he pulled away from their lips. "I'm glad that you're mine." And he meant it.
Their breath hitched just as it constantly did when he touched them. Maybe it was the fact that his hands were gradually examining their body, tilting across every crevice, from where their midsection concave whenever they'd instinctively suck it in out of humiliation, to the quiver of the skin around their navel when his fingers ran along the sensitive region. Viktor's hands were underneath their shirt, his wiry fingers eagerly squeezing the skin. They squeaked at first, his hands were frigid after all but eventually unwound though not peeking at him. Viktor wished that they would look at him like a person rather than an oddity.
The hem of their trousers huddled against their hips, hiding away the most intimate part of their body that only Viktor was allowed to see. For a moment, he looked into their eyes for the right to go ahead, but upon being avoided, Viktor merely yanked them down with enthusiasm pulsing through his veins. His thumbs pressed between their navel and hipbones, in an almost comforting gesture. But it wasn't as if they cared in the long run, however, he could hear their hitching breath. Through dirty-minded thoughts, Viktor's right hand loomed above their sex while his other clasped against their hipbone for support. He was actually doing this—something that he had just as much as dreamed of for years.
"Please," their whiny voice startled his thoughts. "Just... be gentle with me," they didn't seem to be in the mood to fight him at all. That's good. Viktor was sure he had neither the strength nor the energy to deal with it.
His thumb pressed against the sensitive nub below, threatening a gasp from them. "I'll never hurt you," he rubbed their hip in synchronisation with his sensual touches against their sex. "I promise, I will do what I can to make you feel pleasured." His breathing picked up as arousal trickled down his spine like that of the emotions that he loathed. "I want... to see the inside of you. All of you," he spoke aloud, a hint of longing in his tone which he had shoved back this entire time. He wanted them to comprehend his love to its full potential.
Viktor's face pressed against the crook of their neck once again, shifting his hips as he closed his eyes. They were making noises, now, their chained wrists clicking against the harsh metals as they lifted their hands to dig into his back. Secretly, he had hoped that they would call his name. He knew that they knew it. They've spoken it countless times before. Granted, it was always in a fit of rage or hysteria which followed, "I hate you," and, "You ruined my life." But they knew his name at the very least.
Moreover, they were unravelling at the seams. They liked this just as much as Viktor did. They loved him, they had to. Lust and love were on a thin line, so closely drawn together yet had such distinct differences. Could the same be said about obsession? Maybe so, but that did not mean much by this point.
"I love you," he breathed into their neck, his warm breath no doubt sending shivers down his spine or so he hoped. "You feel so soft, so pretty..." His fingers toyed with their sex, jerking in sporadic movements which caused their hips to buck against him, further spurring him on. "Do you like it when I touch you like this? Like I—" his breath hitched when their hands clenched the fabric of his vest, "Like I own you?" For once, they actually agreed with him.
"Y-yes," they let out a pitiful, rueful whine more akin to someone who was used to this sort of thing. But that was inane. They belonged to him. "It feels—It feels really good, I..." Their hips were rolling now, eagerly trying to accept his love rather than pushing it away like they always had been. They were accepting change. They were adapting. "Jus—just like that, please, Viktor—"
And at that moment, time seemed to halt.
They said his name, not out of pure spite or anger, not from him doing something they did not like, but in pleasure. The pleasure that he was inflicting on them. "You're doing such a good job, So good for me," it came out as more of a wheeze than praise, though there was a hint of worship hidden within it. "Are you going to come soon? I want you to come undone because of me. I love you," his lips returned their place at their neck, his crooked teeth nibbling onto their soft skin, further forcing out a reaction from them. Just from their responses and noises alone, Viktor felt as if he was going to come any second now instead, and he hadn't even touched himself. All he could feel was his dick beginning to strain against his dress pants.
It was getting so hot and stuffy, surely he should take off his vest and dress shirt soon. The things that they did to him were things that he didn't even expect. The love he harboured, the desire he held—they were his weak spot. This precious creature. Viktor felt his breathing pick up as he pulled his teeth away from their neck, their delicate skin caught between his incisors.
Once more, slowly, his fingers gently danced around their sex, forcing himself to concentrate and try to block out the absolutely lovely noises that they were emitting. The noises, be as they may, were provided to him involuntarily, he attempting to reject the wail of pleasure that came from them. The squelchy sound of their fluid pooling around his fingers met his ears, giving a sick taste of satisfaction. His left hand clenched their skin a little too tightly for even his standards, the wiry fingers of his right hand working against him, deliberately circulating apart and snapping concurrently, a shudder running down his spine at the howl they made along with the response their body offered. Devoiding much of a thought, Viktor pulled his left hand away from their hipbone, dragging the appendage straight to the front of his dress pants, fumbling with both the zipper and hem in an attempt to pull it away from his groin.
"Oh," he heaved as he pulled away, ignoring the whimper that came from his lover in front of him. They wanted this. They needed this. Needed him. "Would you mind if I tried..." The words died in his mouth as soon as they came out, his left hand hovering above his concealed groin. Surely, they would say yes? They seemed a bit dazed, though perhaps it was his fault for not allowing them the relief that they were so close to acquiring. "I want to... feel you. I may not last very long," he fished his dick out of his boxers, feeling his face heat up to the point where he was sure it was red. "Do you want to?"
They made eye contact with him this time. The humanity, the want, the greed and the fear shone in their eyes brightly, but nothing could cover the telltale signs of love and lust. Viktor already knew the answer, they didn't even have to answer him, he already knew what it was going to be by their reaction alone. This was the key to their heart.
Now, at first, Viktor would not lie when he said that it made him feel a bit shy, or nervous—the thought of them seeing such an intimate part of his body, one of which he knows can be heavily judged based on size, was nervewracking to him. But the lack of disgust in their eyes—or maybe it was hidden between a thick cloud of lust—made him believe otherwise. They liked what they saw, and hopefully, nothing would change the way that they saw him. Their approval is what he strives for. However, that does not exactly matter with how far things have gotten. How many times has he repeated that phrase in his head?
The silence was deafening, but it was enough for Viktor to shuffle forward and shift his weight onto his somewhat good leg, swallowing the rising lump in his throat as he used his free hand to pull down their trousers. After this, he would be sure to give things a thorough wash. "Can you come closer?" He asked as he pulled his hand away. Please come closer.
He hadn't expected them to listen to him, nor to actually push themselves off the wall just to get closer to him, but, at the same time, he was not complaining. "Good job," he praised, his hands returning to place on their hips. Their skin felt so warm, but Viktor could still feel the reluctance radiating off of their perfect form. Now, this was just a question of whether or not he should go through with It. If he should finish claiming them.
The rattling chains served as a constant reminder for them to not fall out of line, and Viktor was sure that they did not want to do such a thing, especially not so close to salvation at this point. Steadily, Viktor felt their thighs wrap around his hips, and though the pressure and their weight being shifted onto him were agonising, he tried to force his way through it. The way that he could feel the tip of his dick press against them—that was like pure ecstasy. He never thought the day would come when they would grind into his lap so sensually, and act as if they had never tormented him for years to come.
"God," there was a slight plea laced within his velvet tone, "I need to be inside of you. Please," as much as Viktor loved them, he could never trust them to be the one providing. Not with how their behaviour had exhibited... less than desirable traits. "Will you allow me? We could finally become one in a sense. I just want to feel your insides around me, I want to feel your body heat against me." Whether or not they found pleasure in Viktor's begging, they offered him a response anyway:
"Shut up," was what they said. "Go ahead."
And with that, Viktor found himself slowly pushing their body down into the mattress, further ruining the bedspread and sheets that weren't even properly fixed in the first place. They still seemed reluctant, as their tone even harboured a certain edge to it, but hell, Viktor could not fault them. He feels nervous, too, of course, he does. Pulling down their trousers fully to their calves, he felt a knot grow within his throat. The thought of someone else doing this to them caused bile and jealousy to rise within his empty stomach, curling and screaming in the back of his mind, yet he pushed it aside in favour of much kinder thoughts.
A part of him wished to be able to twist and manipulate this circumstance, but he knew he didn't want to do such a thing - Viktor wanted nothing more than for them to just become wholly his and only his until death would take hold of them both. And even then, that would not split them apart nor dwindle his love for them. "I'm going to..." There was a brief pause, embarrassment etched across his face, "Er, make love to you," he spoke aloud, though it was more as if he was convincing himself that he was going to, rather than informing them.
There was little to no resistance when Viktor pressed himself inside, but it was such a foreign feeling that he could not help but whimper at the sensation. They were warm on the inside, and not the mention that their body would occasionally clench around his dick. His golden eyes gaped at their face, eyeing the expressions that they would make, all the way until the hilt of his dick finally pressed against their pelvic area. This was embarrassing.
Shamelessly, Viktor pulled back his hips, only to snap them forward with a moan. He tried his best to keep quiet, however, with the way that they started breathing heavily with their knees pressed up against the sides of his thighs, he couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. They were perfect, they felt perfect - on the inside, the outside, no matter. He hunched his body over their own, using the strength in his arms—what was left of it, anyway—to keep himself up. Viktor had no clue how long he would last, nor how his body would allow him to continue. But with how it felt, he hoped it would be long enough.
"You—you're... You're big," they suddenly confessed, a slight whimper escaping with the moan that left them. Fuck, they sounded so adorable like that. "Don't... Stop, please—"
A shiver ran down Viktor's spine at the blatant praise that fell from their lips shamelessly, it seemed so heinous, almost as if they were trying to get him going. "Ah..." Keep talking. "You, ah—you think so?" He panted as his hips snapped forward once, then twice. Was he drooling? Shit, he was drooling. "You feel so good on the in—the inside. So warm, so inviting. I would never... want to stop," a particularly loud moan escaped him, which seemed to be a hybrid of both a moan and wheeze. His lover didn't seem to notice nor care, however.
Why would they ever want to leave when they have such luxury in their life? Here they were, underneath Viktor with their eyes clenched tightly, hands balled up in fists as strings of moans escaped their bitten lips. They looked gorgeous like that. It even made Viktor feel powerful to know that he was able to make them feel such a way. Nearly impossible, he thought, if they weren't tied up and reluctant to accept him, they might have tried something devious and that would have ruined every single thing that Viktor had planned. Still, they're accepting his love.
His rhythm wasn't exactly straight nor following any set beat. Viktor felt as if his movements were sloppy and skewed, choppy thrusts and shuddering muscles that he was surprised had lasted this long. He could feel himself growing close, but he couldn't allow himself to unless they had, first. They mattered more than anything else.
"D... Darling," he nearly cried out, "I love you so much—" One of their hands threw itself behind Viktor's head, tangling their fingers within his messy locks of dark hair, gently tugging him forward. A shock ran down his spine at the gesture.
"I know," they breathed, "I know you do." Were they feeding into his delusion and leaving him to feel as if they felt the same, or did they genuinely love him at this moment? The way their eyes slowly peeked open was complete bliss for him, the irises that stared directly into his own with blown-out pupils—love.
He felt his sloppy movements speeding up, all while his body became sore from the extended movements, and all while this happened he felt the drool collect on the edge of his lips, dripping down his chin to their shirt, wetting the wrinkled fabrics. It didn't matter how ruined it would get, Viktor made a mental note to give them an even better shirt. Nevertheless, a knot coiled itself within his gut, curling around his navel and shooting a cramp up his spine in an almost pleasurable manner.
His bottom lip caught itself in between his incisors, muffling a forthcoming moan. "Are you—" a choked moan. "Are you clos—close? Please—" There was borderline whimpering in tone and he could not help but feel embarrassed for it, but the trembling person below made him feel a little better about his childish worries. They nodded without speaking, staring at him through thick eyelashes. They were gorgeous.
Viktor smiled, and it met his eyes. "So am I."
It was blissful, for him, at least—everything seemed perfect and in order as Viktor's right hand clasped around the side of their waist, squeezing the soft, malleable flesh: pliant. His breathing picked up, as did theirs, but he was determined to stretch this out for as long as he allowed himself to. As he closed his eyes tightly, Viktor felt his thumb dig into the dip between their stomach and hip bone, causing a red indentation on the soft skin. Through his pleasure, he could hear the loud sound of their moans below, as well as the sound of skin slapping against the skin; the squelch of genetic fluids mixed. Viktor's eyebrows furrowed together at the sound, his head falling against their chest, forehead pressed directly above their heart. Their clavicle, he presumed. They felt so good, he didn't want to stop, but he was so close.
"Viktor—" they cried out, suddenly, "I'm g—going—" there was a loud, rueful cry, followed by a high-pitched whimper. He could feel them clench around his dick, and then they had come. This sent him over the edge. Viktor lifted his head weakly and pressed his lips against their own, his saliva smearing all over their mouth and cheeks. He moaned into their mouth, pressing his hips forward one more time as his hand clenched their skin, surely hard enough to leave a bruise. He emptied inside of them, the muscles in his thighs twitching and convulsing, his dick soon going limp thereafter.
For a moment, Viktor caught his breath, chest heaving with laboured breaths. Tears pricked his vision when he opened his eyes, and the slobber dripped from his lips. His legs felt as if they were stuck in mud, but how did they feel? As he lifted himself, Viktor stared down at the person below him, completely covered in the afterglow. I came inside, that was an accident, he thought, but they looked so cute like that.
Much like before, Viktor felt a knot form in the middle of his throat, Adam's apple bobbing with each calculated swallow and breath.
Viktor felt breathless, but he felt as if that was to be expected. He stared down below at the barely visible person he had claimed just a few moments prior; his vision betraying him. He rests his forehead against theirs, a promise of devotion. "What can I do to make you love me?"
"Let me go," they whispered in a soft croon.
"You know I cannot afford to do that. You're mine."
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pinkbambi444 · 2 days ago
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Descent into Barbie Bambi
My descent into Bambi was not something that I anticipated would be achieved to this extent. Yet, when I met my master I almost knew right away I’d give my life away to him. Equally daunting yet exciting experience. The deeper we fell in love the more both of us fell into our natural dynamics. Part of this was me serving my man’s needs, I always knew that I’d dedicate my life to my owner however I wasn’t prepared for just how far we would go ! Now that we’re on this path together, I couldn’t be more Barbie pink excited to become who I was always meant to be 🎀🎀💝💝 A Barbie Bimbo Bambi doll!
Life through service is an incredibly beautiful life and as woman a huge part of our purpose should we chose to accept it, is to submit to and love and nurture the incredible man in our lives. Not every woman can or wants to do this however, as the independent woman motto is quiet highly strung in todays society. The Bimbo lifestyle is underrated and I believe not promoted enough. However perhaps it’s not something to be promoted, because I think the bimbo lifestyle has a funny way of choosing you. It’s not something you ask for or go chasing, now that I’m here in it, I think you’ve either got it in your or you don’t. Either you align with its values wholeheartedly or you’re on the other end of the spectrum. Either is fine, whatever suits the individual #peacetoall
To me, becoming the most feminine, soft, sensual and thoughtless version of myself to present to Master is something I view as a true gift ! My purpose in this life is to be the best woman and be best mumma to our children, when daddy decides to breed me when he thinks the time is right ! So to me it’s an ultimate act of submission becoming the prettiest, dumbest and happiest version of myself!
Only a few months ago, my Master is the one that introduced the term Bimbo and away I went on my own research and guided by him. I fell in love with the representation and how freeing this lifestyle truly is. I quickly realised that a girl is allowed to relax and is not needed to be on top of everything. Becoming a Bimbo Bambi felt new, yet natural. It was sexy and fulfilling. More importantly it was me, precisely the lifestyle I had always envisioned but societal conditioning told me I had to be otherwise.
Becoming Bambi was not something I thought would feel this deep and endearing. I know it’s meant to be fun and sexual, but for me it goes deeper than that. It’s freeing. My owner showed me it’s okay to be the Barbie girl of my dreams and that I don’t need to be on professional girl mode at all times, that actually I am allowed to relax and switch my brain off. In fact, doing that is attractive !! I was so used to living in survival mode than sometimes I forgot to live and enjoy the moment. Being a Bimbo lets me not only be happy but also ensure my Masters cock gets whatever satisfaction he desires hehe xx
I truly believe I was always meant to be a Bimbo, however i just never knew this lifestyle existed as an option for me until my master. I must disclose it was never something that he pushed or pressured me into, he mentioned it once by way of ‘hey what do you think’ and off I went …. Onto this beautiful path aligning me with my sensual soft feminine goals and being able to be my best self.
The Bambi mixed with Bimbo lifestyle is something that flourishes on one’s unique sense of femininity; passion for sex and pleasing men/your man and the need to be pretty no matter what. Bimbos take great pride in their appearance for that is their prized treasure ! No wonder they’re so happy, because they’re always dressed cute and feeling fantastic !!
The effort into one’s appearance, the removal of pesky big girl thoughts and atlast being daddy’s personal sex doll - amongst the highest achievements as a woman. So, descending into Bambi is simply an extension of my way of life previously however ever since meeting my master, it is now a way of life and embodiment of who I am. It’s a tribute to how much I love my master. I am not my degrees or outwardly achievements, I’m not the hard working girl others know me as. I am simply Bambi, owned by my Master and a slave to all his needs. This is what I believe I was truly made for, because with him my heart has never been happier and through his leadership and guidance I am able to thrive as his woman.
This lifestyle allows me to cater to my man the way I’ve always dreamt of, dedicating my entire life and body to him ! It also enables me to be my absolute best. Bimbos are viewed as stereotypically dumb and brainless, however they are extremely emotionally intelligent when it comes to men, pleasure and giving their femininity away so generously. Pleasing their man is priority and I couldn’t be more proud for my goal in life to be that as well!
Furthermore, I firmly believe that my descent into becoming Barbie Bambi is the ultimate form of self love. I’ve always been a pink and feminine loving girl however now I just get to experience it to an incredible degree of embodiment. To be pretty and dumb and on display for my Owner, I love it, there is no greater pleasure !
This descent into Bambi will allow me not only to flourish in my feminine energy on another level, but it’s a channel in which I can serve my owner. I am his property and owned by him in every single way and being Bimbo will let me be my best self to make Master happy🥰🥰🎀🎀
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robotmechagirl · 2 days ago
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A text conversation with my parental figures:
Me: “Got a bread machine at a thrift store with my girlfriend 😌
Found myself a love for making bread
It brings me back to watchin' you bake bread and make pizza dough. I remember you would freeze the dough to have an easier time makin' meals later.
It's such a vibe and it makes me feel happy because I can express my care for other people with fresh baked bread now.”
Aunt: “That's great [DEADNAME]. It's really good to know you have some good memories”
Me:
-Image depicted is a drinking glass-
“"Oh look! Sand!"
It's what you sound like right now :/“
Aunt/Uncle:
“I don't get it”
Me:
“Maybe pictures don't show for you via text.
Sent an image of a glass, the type you would hold drinks in, such as water.
Calling me by "son" and my dead name is like calling this glass sand. :/“
Aunt/Uncle:
“[DEADNAME] you didn't die. You have always been [DEADNAME]. You can't make me believe in a fairytale. Something you made up in your brain.
If you told me I have to start calling you Andre and Start looking at you and treating you as such, because you are an 8 foot tall giant I couldn't do that either. I refuse to get down on the floor and look up to you like you are a giant. You are no more an 8 foot giant than you are a girl. I cannot see you that way. I cannot treat you that way. I don't know how far you are planning on going down this rabbit hole. But you better be damn sure you have done all the research. Once things get cut off there is no going back! I raised 6 boys and 1 girl.”
Me:
“The fairytale is thinking that I'm this image you've built for me based on your own misconceptions about the world. 😩
There's a butt load of medical research, literature, and history that you could read to understand the phenomena that is the existence and validity of transgender people. It would benefit you to learn it because ya clearly don't have an inkling about the subject given your piss poor analogies.
But I can't expect y'all to read it because y'all have told me ya can't even be bothered to read your own holy book. The hypocrisy at tellin' me to reread it is wild to me.
Y'all are so trapped by your ignorance ya can't even see I'm thriving over here and how much good it's done for my mental, emotional, and physical health.
I wanted very much to have a healthy relationship with my parental figures, to let y'all be part of my life, but y'all are proving to be toxic as fuck. Quite frankly I don't need it and am content to disconnect to leave ya to your own business. This grown ass woman has her own life to live ✌️🕊️”
Aunt/Uncle:
“We have read the Bible. And even your "research" isn't in the Bible. We will always love you [DEADNAME]. We just don't agree with you. You are the only one disconnecting from us because we don't agree.
And my analogy isn't any more piss poor than yours”
Me:
“"I know you are, but what am I?"
Is what you sound like
And nah, you don't get to be hateful and say that you love me. It doesn't matter your intentions, you're acting shitty. I'm disconnecting because you're acting shitty towards me and I have way too much self respect to accept this treatment.”
Aunt/Uncle:
“I am not being shitty to you. I am allowed to disagree with you. It is a free country. We do love you whether you believe it or not”
Me:
“You're not acting like it 😩
I'm okay with you believing differently. What I'm not okay with is the shitty behavior stemming from those beliefs and I reserve the right to disassociate from the toxicity.
I'm not gonna pretend to be someone or something I'm not just because you can't unpack your own biases.
If y'all want to still be a part of my life you're gonna have to meet me where I'm at with this. Otherwise, señora”
Aunt/Uncle:
“We will pray for you [DEADNAME]. We love you”
Me:
“Lies and pettiness
I don't need your prayers
Focus them on yourselves”
Aunt/Uncle:
“Good bye”
Me:
“Bye”
Below is the image from earlier:
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spacetime1969 · 3 days ago
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Danny Fenton’s Field Trip to the Ghost Zone!
I have had the wonderful opportunity to write a fic inspired by the art of the wonderful @arisu-artnfics as part of @ecto-implosion. I ended up thinking it would be fun to bring in a trope from a completely different fandom, and write a Peter Parker Field Trip fic for Danny Fenton. Enjoy!
Chapter 4: Magic, Dragons, and Storms? Oh my!
Ao3 | First | Previous | Next
Technus’s voice sounded over the speaker. “Welcome to the Time Lost Lands, students! The home of Queen Dorathea and her subjects.”
“Woah is that a castle?” one of Dash’s classmates asked.
Dash looked out the window and sure enough, there was a massive medieval castle right out the window.
“Is that a dragon!” Dash couldn’t help his yell as he spotted a large winged reptile climbing out from behind the castle.
Manson just grinned at him. “Yep.”
The Dragon jumped from the tower and started flying towards them. Dash made a very manly noise of surprise. Definitely not a terrified squeal. (AN: This is a lie. He actually did a very good impression of a baby otter)
The Dragon was getting closer and closer, and everyone, other than the nerds, was getting progressively more freaked out. Fenton and his friends on the other hand didn’t even flinch as the massive mythical creature landed on top of the bus.
“WHO DARES TRESPASS ON MY... Oh, hello Lady Samantha. How are you this fine morning.” Halfway through its booming yell the dragon transformed into a woman with long blond hair who smiled at Manson.
“Hi Dora!” Manson smiled back. “Our class fell through a natural portal and we’re trying to get home. Think you can point us in the direction of the Far Frozen?”
“Well I can certainly give you directions, but I’m afraid they won’t be much help. The next stop on your journey is Box Ghost and Lunch Lady’s lair, which is currently only accessible through The Storm of Doom.” Dash could hear the capital letters in that name. He looked out into the Ghost Zone where the ghost was pointing and saw a patch of dark clouds. It didn’t look like much, but something about it scared him.
“Oh no, are they alright?” Fenton asked. He and his friends actually looked concerned.
Now Dash would admit that he wasn’t the best at math, but if those four were actually scared of something after how relaxed they had been at everything else in this dimension, then Dash should probably be just as scared. (AN: Dash made an error in his calculations, he should have been far more scared than he was)
“Last I heard from them they were preparing their lair for the storm. So I assume they are doing alright, but we won’t know for sure until the storm passes,” the ghost queen said.
“Speaking of which, that storm is heading this way!” Technus’s voice said over the bus speakers.
The other ghost, Dora, nodded. “Yes, I have been working to prepare the castle and move my citizens inside for the storm. You and yours are welcome to shelter with us Lady Sam.”
Manson and her friends share a look. “The last thing we want is to be stuck in The Storm of Doom.” Valarie said.
Fenton and Foley both nodded. “Yeah, the castle is probably one of the safest places to ride it out. I vote we take Dora up on her offer,” Fenton said.
“Hang on just a minute!” Mr. Lancer interrupted. “Since when were the four of you in charge!”
Foley shrugged. “Hey, Technus!” he said, turning to the front of the bus. “What are the odds on us surviving if we try and fly through The Storm of Doom?”
“My current calculations indicate a 5% chance of immediate death.”
Mr Lancer’s eyes widened. “Well that’s not too bad,” he managed to stammer out, but Technus kept going.
“A 30% chance of your classmates' blood boiling in their veins. A 24% chance of their brains freezing solid. A 4% chance of death by electrocution. A 10% chance of death by poisonous gasses. A 7% chance of spaghettification. A 9% chance of death by eldritch madness, 6% chance of Danny, Valarie, and I being the only survivors, 3% chance of you and Sam also surviving, and a 2% chance of more than half of your classmates surviving. The odds of everyone surviving is less than 0.01% and statistically insignificant, so I rounded it out.” Technus sounded way too cheerful to be discussing their, apparently very probable, deaths.
Mr. Lancer’s face had gotten paler and paler as the ghost spoke. He stumbled into his seat, Foley just smirking at him. “So, do you want to do that? Or do you want to spend the night in a very secure castle and not die a horrible death?”
“Besides,” Fenton held up a glowing green post-it note that he had gotten from... Dash had no idea where he had gotten it from, “time is apparently moving at a two to one ratio to earth right now, so every two hours we spend here only one is passing on earth. So we have plenty of time.” No one bothered to ask him how he knew that.
Mr Lancer just nodded and slumped farther into the bus seat.
Manson turned back to the ghost dragon lady floating outside the bus and smiled at her, bowing at the waist. “We humbly accept your offer of shelter, Queen Dorathea of the Time Lost Lands.”
The Ghost, Queen Dorathea, nodded back at Manson. “The Time Lost Lands do not forget those who helped us find our path to the future, you and yours will always be able to find shelter in our walls, Lady Samantha.”
The solemness that had fallen over the group hung for a moment, before Manson straightened and smiled at the ghost. “Thanks Dora, I really appreciate it!”
“Of course Sam! I’m always glad to have you stop by! Have your vehicle land in the field by the stables. It should be safe from the storm there.”
They did as ordered, and the bus came to a stop next to a stable with, were those unicorns? (Star would later inform him that they were actually alicorns.)
They all hopped out of the bus and looked around at the castle. It was even more impressive up close. The walls absolutely towered over them, and they made Dash feel very small.
Off to the side he could see Fenton and his friends talking to Mr. Lancer, but they were too quiet for him to hear what they were saying. He wasn’t gonna have to wait long to find out what they were talking about though, since Mr. Lancer called them all to gather around.
“Alright class. Miss Manson and Mr. Foley are going to go find out how long we will have to wait out the storm. In the meantime, I encourage you all to eat your lunches. If you were planning to buy lunch at the planetarium please raise your hand, Mr. Fenton has offered to hand out Fenton Sustenance Crackers™ to anyone without a pre-packed lunch.”
Dash felt his lunch money in his pocket and winced, he didn’t exactly want to take Fenton’s charity, but he had worked up quite the appetite since they had fallen into the Ghost Zone, so he raised his hand. Next to him, Kwan raised his hand too.
Fenton slowly made his way around the group and passed the crackers out. When he approached the two jocks Dash was surprised to see that they were literal crackers, like a saltine. For some reason he had been expecting more. Fenton smirked at him and split the cracker in half, handing one half to each of them. Dash stared at it.
“Is this really it?” he asked.
Fenton just smiled. “Yep, trust me, that’s all you’re gonna need.”
Dash shared a look with Kwan as Fenton continued onto the rest of the group. Kwan just shrugged at him and the two inspected the crackers they had been handed. It looked like a normal cracker, for the most part. Dash was pretty sure the slightly green hue was just the lighting, but he still hesitated.
Dash’s stomach rumbled and he shrugged. It was better than nothing. He tossed the cracker into his mouth.
It tasted strange, both citrusy and bland, while also tasting like absolutely nothing. The taste was nothing compared to what happened when he swallowed though. He could feel the cracker slide down his throat and into his stomach, and then expand.
“Oh that’s really weird,” Kwan said with a shudder.
“You get used to it!” Fenton yelled from across the field.
Dash shuddered, he really, really hoped he never did. He would give Fenton one thing though, the crackers certainly worked. His stomach felt like he had just eaten an entire 16” pizza by himself.
He joined the other students as they sat in the grass eating and talking. For a moment he forgot that they weren’t just hanging out on the football field back at Casper High. Manson and Foley returning with the green skinned ghost queen broke the illusion though.
The group hurried over to Fenton, and Valarie. Dash didn’t recognize what Valarie and Danny did, that the group were only avoiding breaking into a sprint to not cause a panic.
Dash was just close enough to over hear their whispered conversation.
“Danny we have bad news,” Manson said.
“Really bad news. The storm’s drifted further than expected. The Core is heading straight for us,” Foley sounded scared, and that scared Dash. The look on Fenton’s face pushed him from scared to terrified.
Fenton stood up from where he had been leaning against the bus, straightening and turning to the ghostly queen who had offered them shelter. “Queen Dorathea, how may I be of service to you and your people.”
The Queen bowed her head to Fenton. “Your friends have agreed to assist the royal mage in raising a shield around the castle. But I fear that without your power they will be unable to outlast the storm.” The queen made eye contact with Fenton “I ask for your aid in this, K-”
Fenton interrupted the queen. “Just Danny right now, Dora.” Fenton looked over at the rest of the class, who were obviously trying to listen in to their conversation. He made brief eye contact with Dash before turning back to Queen Dorathea. “But you will have my assistance in any way you require it.”
Fenton turned to Valerie. “Come on, let’s go let Lancer know what’s going on.” He turned back to the Ghost and bowed. “We'll be back soon.”
They hurried over to Mr. Lancer. Dash wasn’t close enough to hear what was said, but he could see the way Lancer tried to argue with Fenton only for him to stand firm. Eventually Lancer slumped and seemed to give permission.
Fenton grabbed his bag and made his way back to his friends and the queen. “Alright, let’s go. Val, you got things covered here?”
She nodded, before pulling Fenton and the others into a quick hug. Then they walked away, leaving the class whispering behind them.
There was no sun in the ghost zone but it certainly felt like it was setting as the green sky grew darker and the howling noise of the storm began to grow louder and louder.
Dash and the other A-Listers watched as the storm rolled over them, the clouds covering the sky completely. The clouds seemed to whisper to him and Dash couldn’t help but be drawn to them. He felt himself stand up and, not hearing his friends call his name, started walking away.
Val smacked him over the back of the head. Hard.
Dash felt dazed and confused. When had he stood up? Where had he been walking to?
“Yeah, don’t look at the storm. It’s not the weather you really have to be worried about.”
Instinctively Dash looked back up at the storm. Val smacked him again.
“Don’t look at it idiot. Got it?” Dash nodded rapidly. “Good. Now get back to your friends. You scared them.”
Dash looked back over his shoulder. They really did look terrified.
He quickly walks back to them. “Sorry guys, I don't know what happened.”
Paulina’s voice shook. “Don’t do that again.”
“You scared us man,” Kwan said. "It was like you couldn’t hear us.”
Dash almost looked back up at the whispering clouds again. But he caught himself, and looked down at the ground instead. “I don’t think I could.” He whispered.
They sat in silence, intentionally not looking at the storm.
There was a deep ring that echoed through the castle, and voices raised in a haunting chant. All around them a glowing green dome raised to block out the storm, the whispers in the storm becoming muffled and drowned out by the chanting.
“Look! up there!” Star said, pointing up to the castle walls. Dash followed her finger to where four figures were standing silhouetted against the bright green of the shield.
Three of the figures were holding their arms up to the sky, green wisps of magic trailing out from their hands and stretching out to the dome above them, pulsing in time with the chanting. The fourth figure had his hands on the shoulders of two of the others, their hair seeming to glow with the lighting.
“Is that Fenton and the others?” Star asked.
“Yep,” Valarie said. Dash jumped. He hadn't seen her walk up behind them. “Them and the royal mage.”
“Since when could they do magic?” Paulina asked.
“Sam and Tucker have been studying for a while. Danny too, but he doesn't have as much talent in it. He’s so powerful though that it doesn't matter much in the long run. He can just brute force a lot of things.”
She turned to look at them, making eye contact with Dash in particular. “You should all be grateful you haven't bothered them since freshman year. Sam could turn you into a frog and Danny could separate your soul from your body with just a word. As for Tucker… let’s just say that we’re all glad he stays focused on technomancy.”
Dash felt queasy. "Did you ever learn anything?” He asked, morbidly curious.
Valarie just shrugged. “It's not my specialty. I know some of the theory, but not much more than that.” She grinned and pulled a very big ray gun out of her purse. “Besides, I'm more of a gun gal anyway.”
Kwan squeaked and Dash barely kept himself from doing the same.
“How’d you get that to fit in your purse like that?” Star asked.
“There are some benefits to having magic friends.” Val grinned at them again, before sobering slightly and gesturing back towards the bus. “Now come on, we fixed up the bus so that people can sleep in it.”
Dash and the others followed her to the bus. The backs of the bench seats had been laid down flat and someone had found blankets and pillows from somewhere, turning the seats into makeshift cots.
“Claim a bed and get some sleep if you can. It's gonna be a long night.”
Dash had a hard time sleeping on the makeshift cot. Not necessarily because it was uncomfortable, but more because his mind was too full. The green glow and unending haunting chanting wasn’t helping either. Though it was definitely preferable to the alternative. The way he had almost walked off into the storm terrified him.
He got up from the bed and quietly made his way out of the bus.
Val was sitting outside on a wooden stool that had been pulled from somewhere. She had her gun balanced on her knees. and was staring up at where her friends were still chanting on the castle wall.
“How are you so calm?" he asked. “All of this is absolutely crazy, and yet you're so calm. How?”
Valarie just sat there for a long moment. “There's not much I can say other than 'you get used to it,'” she finally said. “Danny Sam and Tucker, they've been there since the very beginning, since the portal opened in his parents lab.” She glanced at him. “It's hard to keep up with the rest of them sometimes. They're all so in sync and I joined them so much later, but I'm nothing if not stubborn, so I keep up with them anyway.”
“So this whole time Fenton and the others have been befriending the ghosts and learning magic and and... I don't even know what else.”
Valerie's laugh was humorless. “Yeah you really don't know what else Dash. And I'm not going to tell you.”
“Why not!”
“Why would I Dash? Why would I tell you a secret that isn't even mine when you bullied Danny and ostracized me back in freshman year. Why do you think Dash?” Val shook her head. “It's not my place to tell people, and even if it was, you'd never be someone I'd tell anyway.”
Dash had nothing he could say in response.
Valerie turned back to watch the castle walls. “Go back to bed Dash.”
He did as told, but he didn't get much sleep that night.
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oddaesthetin · 21 hours ago
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simping over him — lee jooyeon
fluff
jooyeon sits next to you on the couch, all long legs and that dumb grin that makes your brain short-circuit. you don’t know what’s worse—the fact that he’s wearing that particular hoodie you like on him or the way his neck is just there.
like, WHO gave him permission? his hair is still damp from the shower. he looks wrecked, judging by his toned down loudness. three days of nonstop performing would do that to anyone, but here he is, lounging like it’s no big deal.
“you good?” he asks, glancing at you from where he’s propped up against the couch. he’s tired, you can see it in the way his shoulders sag a little and how his usual energy is dialed down to a lazy grin. but there’s still something mischievous in his tone, like he knows you’re one heartbeat away from blowing up.
he’s right, by the way.
you’re trying to focus on literally anything else—the pile of laundry you’ve been ignoring, the weird stain on the carpet, the meaning of life—but no, your brain’s like jooyeon’s neck, jooyeon’s neck, jooyeon’s—
you shift uncomfortably, trying to focus on the TV instead of, well, him. the way his hoodie hangs loose around his collarbones is driving you insane. you’ve been doing so well all weekend, keeping your thoughts appropriate, but now? now, the universe has you cornered.
“could you please get your neck away from me?” you blurt out, crossing your arms and leaning as far away as the couch allows. “i’ve fought so hard to remove that image of your neck i saw from pinterest on my mind, and i don’t think i can go through that again.”
jooyeon blinks at you, caught off guard. he freezes. did you just say you’ve been thinking about his neck?
suddenly, the fatigue that had been weighing him down for days? gone. vanished. wiped from existence. he feels alive.
his eyebrows shoot up, and for a second, you think he didn’t hear you. then, he bursts out laughing, the kind of laugh that makes his voice high-pitched, shoulders shake and his eyes crinkle, and okay, now this is worse.
“my neck?” he wheezes, clutching his stomach like you’ve just delivered the punchline of the century.
“yes, your neck!” you glare at him, but it’s hard to stay mad when he’s laughing like that. “someone posted that stupid picture of yours looking all worked up with your head thrown back and your veins showing— and oh my god, describing it is so weird but now i can’t look at you without thinking about it. so move. away.”
instead of moving away, he leans in closer, his face way too close to yours. “you’re saying you’re obsessed with my neck?”
“jooyeon, i swear to god—”
“no, no, go on,” he says, grinning like the menace he is. “tell me more about how my neck haunts your dreams.”
he’s losing it inside—but the way you’re burying your face in your hands makes his chest feel lighter, like he could run another concert right now, fueled entirely by your flustered energy.
“this is why i don’t tell you things,” you mumble, voice muffled.
“but you did,” he teases, poking your arm. “and now i’m never gonna let you forget it.”
you peek at him through your fingers, narrowing your eyes. “you’re insufferable.”
“and you’re obsessed with my neck.”
“oh my god, shut up.”
he laughs again, softer this time, and when you finally pull your hands away from your face, he’s looking at you with that stupidly fond expression that makes your chest feel all warm and weird.
“don’t worry,” he says, tilting his head with a smirk that should be illegal. “my neck’s all yours. if you want, you can even mark it up.”
your brain short-circuits so hard you can barely process his words. he tries stifling a laugh after he see you pause and your jaw literally drop. this’ll be worth it, he thought.
“what—who says that?!” you choke, smacking his shoulder like it’ll erase the memory.
he shrugs, all casual, like his insides aren’t doing somersaults. “i’m just saying, if you’re this obsessed, we might as well make it official.”
you grab a pillow and smack him square in the face. he yelps, laughing as he tries to shield himself, but you’re relentless, fueled by sheer embarrassment and the need to wipe that smirk off his stupidly handsome face.
“ow—hey! violence?!” he yelps, laughing as he tries to shield himself. his cheeks hurt from smiling, and his heart’s doing that weird thing again, the one it always does around you.
when you finally stop, breathless and red-faced, he leans back on the couch, watching you with the kind of quiet confidence that makes your stomach flip.
“you know,” he says, voice soft and teasing, “you’re kind of cute when you’re flustered.”
you groan, flopping back against the couch and covering your face again. and your boyfriend?
he just grins like an idiot, feeling more energized than he has in days.
you can have his neck.
you already have the rest of him, anyway.
© oddaesthetin 2024
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coxxxmo · 10 months ago
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𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐅𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐇𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝
[0] 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿
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Dear Future Husband,
To you who has taken away my solitude through the storms in your eyes, to you who has taken over all of my living dreams,your gaze is a tempest that renders my world beautifully chaotic - I hope this letter finds its way to you dearest one.
Tell me, is there a new envoy in your company? Passing my messages to you? Does the moon whisper to you the musings I’ve shared about you? Has it told you of my deepest desires? In the quiet of the night, lately I have been finding solace in the company of the moon. I’ve been telling it all about you - your beautiful smile that makes my heart stop, your laughter that resonates like a melody in my mind, your eyes that stir something unknown deep within me, your voice that echoes within me and the heaven knows, I just can’t seem to get you out of my head.
Like the faceless man in my dreams, you have been haunting me; You have been haunting me with your whirlpool of existence which is sure to stir up my entire world if I get too close. 
But Isn't it romantic that, beneath the vast expanse of the same sky, we share a celestial connection? As we both look upon the stars that decorate the night sky, the same moon that graces your night sky also bathes mine in its gentle glow, creating a luminous thread that connects both of us. 
I’ll be honest; I’m not exactly sure how this love letter thing works, but all I know is that I can’t stop thinking about kissing you. Archons, I crave you, and I crave your touch. The idea of us kissing feels like a storm inside me, and I can't help but want you close to myself.
When I think about holding your hand and drawing little patterns with our fingers, it feels like magic. There's something pulling me towards you, and it's stronger than anything else. These feelings feel new to me and I'm still figuring them out like getting lost in a maze. Even then my heart always seems to point toward you, and each day, that pull becomes even stronger.
With each word, I'm sharing a part of my heart. As I fold this letter and seal it with a kiss, it holds not just my words but the promise of the future yet you come. Until our paths cross, and until the day I can call you mine. I send this letter off to the unknown, leaving it at the hands of the fates weaving our story.
Yours Lovingly.
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⤷ Synopsis :
In a world dominated by algorithms and measured affections, where love is dissected as a complex equation, Will the pursuit of love transcend the boundaries of logic? Can the heart, guided by a mere letter, lead to a connection that defies reason?
Are you willing to take the journey where the lines between reason and romance blur? Will you be drawn into a completely different world, or will your story continue along its familiar course?
But above all, the burning question remains: whose doorstep will become the final destination for this seemingly innocuous letter?
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Modern!au
⤷ pairing : genshin men x reader
⤷ taglist : @sako-mii @oni-girx @chevcore @moonlybxbe @rachoka @sangoqueenkoko @veekoko
⤷ a/n : AHHHHH IM DONE WRITING THE LETTER AFTER AGES. It was harder than it seemed I'll be honest....BUT now that the story starts It'll be much more fun, trust me. Hoping that the other parts are more regular..
Likes and reblogs are appreciated ♡
Lmk if you wanna be added to the taglist!!
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mymarifae · 7 months ago
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stupid fucking titty window distracted me on my first few watches (don,xt talk to me ok) but he has his hand held behind his back here... clutching his chips for dear life.. hiding the way he's shaking.........
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kuromi-hoemie · 3 months ago
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feeling v proud of myself for eyeing something and thinking “that seems like it's 70 inches” then it was 😌
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arolesbianism · 3 months ago
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I may be failing my plan to not make any isat aus. So there's this guy her name is Euphrasie right. What if I took her and combined what could be 3 separate au concepts into one. And in the process forced myself to go back and reread a bunch of shit to make sure I know how to maximally fuck over this sad wet puppy of a woman
#rat rambles#did I ever actually make a proper isat talking tag? I don't remember but erm#stars posting#anyways dont count on me committing to this au too hard since Im mostly eternal gales brained rn but I am rotating ideas in my head#shes always interested me deeply as what am I if not a sucker for women who are mostly silhouettes of a character#I was mostly just thinking abt other ppls aus where she is also looping and was thinking abt how fucked it be for her in general but also#how much more fucked it would be for her if it was Only her looping#because as far as she would know theres straight up nothing that can be done to fix this and shed be stuck in a hell of what shed be sure#is her own creation#and then I thought to myself. what if she then accidentally did a loop while trying to fix it#and then my brain also said but what if loop was also there#so I did some mental gymnastics to ignore the possible problems and decided to take an extra spin on it and just sorta add her to the main#party by having her have basically wished to be able to help them defeat the king to make things right and her getting dropped earlier#on in the adventure so I can fuck around with potential character dymamics more (cough cough siffrin)#and for the actual loops I think it'd be funny if she could remember just like loop but was fully convinced that she was looping alone#so itd be siffrin and her acting at eachother trying to hide their seperate breakdowns while meamwhile loop is just staring at her with a#whole heap of mixed emotions but mostly the confusion of who the fuck is this guy???????#and sif is just like yeah thats secret. shes a powerful craft user who's craft experiments backfired and fucked up her body. duh.#and loop just Knows that thats not true but they have no real way to bring it up properly without drawing too much suspicious#oh yeah and Im calling her secret for now. in my minds eye shes like constantly putting on different fronts in hopes that one of them will#stick but shes been able to get away with it by playing up her belief in change to a cartoonish degree#shes really trying to be strong and not raise suspicion since she does want mirabelle to be able to learn and grow from this just the same#as her own mirabelle before and just wants to be able to fix the broken wish by being there to defeat the king herself#which she had already convinced herself was the reason the wish broke since she was the one stuck remembering#I should reword it to that probably because saying shes the one looping isnt Wrong but asside from sif not remembering it still entirely#revolved around him she was just the one forced to deal with it without any real way of learning how to fix it#and while she never figured out the entirety of the sif stuff it was always him taking to her that reset the loop#so she has. complicated feelings on him. she doesn't want to be avoidant or distant or to dislike him! and as time goes on she does grow to#like him a lot! but its just. hard to look him in the eye sometimes.#and then theres the horrors of the actual main game starting and the slow but horrifying realization of how badly she fucked up
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chiropteracupola · 2 years ago
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the wind and sea do follow thee /
and all the ledges calling thee...
#em draws stuff#treasure island#squire trelawney#doctor livesey#selkie au#it's been long and long but I've had these two on the brain lately#and because my current fic is un-illustratable for several reasons I decided to pop back over to an old favorite#'peter kagan and the wind' has been my song for calming down lately and it's a very similar vibe to what I want out of the selkie au#it has actually been eight months since I've drawn trelawney and I've decided to change up his design after years and years#liking the new shapes (which I can actually draw well I think)#specifically right where his neck and shoulder meet - it's closer to how he's built in my head than I've ever captured before#and I've been liking the more defined pockmarks that I do on alan so I've decided to bring those over#I'd always intended for some similar stuff texture-wise on trelawney but I wasn't being very confident in it so it was difficult to see#but in the end this is just me splashing all manner of things that I like for these two into one drawing#good saturated purples and my best attempt at those mignola-esque gravestones and a try at capturing how tom harpernovakaine writes them...#this whole thing went through many moments of looking unsalvageable but in the end it is probably one of my best drawings of them#I have a very early livesey drawing stuck to the back of the ol' ipad so it's really cool to hold that up and compare how far I've come#it's been an interesting three years and I think I'm a much more confident artist now!
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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...
#hmm its been an interesting week i suppose#very busy in a good way. but that is always how it starts. i make myself so busy and it feels good and then i wobble and fall out of my body#so im feeling wary. also bc ive been under sleeping more than ususal but im not really tired but im also not boiling out of my skin with#energy. i just feel ok. so thats good. but also a demon in the back of my head is always like: then stay up all night. lets see how far we#can push this. which is not good. and in fact ive been proscribed like basically emergency mood stablizers to knock me out if i start like#losing my mind and not sleeping lol. bc i dont wanna b getting ready for something big and like completely unavailable to control my#ability to think. and ive also been proscribed birth control to get a handke on my fucked up hormones. so we'll see if that makes things#less all over the place. hopefully it works bc im so busy i kinda dont have time to like freak thr fuck out#but i am a lil apprehensive bc like i can count on my hormones to make me feel things when a lot of the time i dont have much emotional#range. so its like fuck finally i can cry abt this. or like fuck this is so beautiful. but then i also cant function sometimes#so i guess i just gotta see what happens. sigh. also the typical frustrating in having to read so much. like ppl hear im dyslexic and r like#oh do u want accommodation? like literally wtf r u gonna do to help me as a grad student? it just takes an agonizing amount of time to#understand thing. i have my computer read to me and i suffer. theres literally nothing else to b done abt it. and fucking next week i have#to teach a fucking lab abt reading scientific papers. they have to read a paper in class. fuck off. those r the types of exercises that make#me feel so fucking stupid. like do this thing right now. read it right here and answer questions abt it. and i fucking read it and retain#fucking nothing. im fucking 26 and literally in my grant writing class i have to apologize to every person before i give them feedback like#lol sorry i can barely fucking read. i fucking cant understand language. its fine but it sucks. theres nothing to do abt it. it just makes#me mad i have to teach a class that would have made me cry as an undergrad. so ill prob hold their hands thru it more than the other TAs#will. bc fuck u im not making them read a whole fucking paper in class. fuck u#plus the frustration of not being able to express myself well in thr moments. like theres a delay in my brain so i feel so dumb when im#trying to convey myself off the top of my head. like give me time and ill write it all out for u i just cant actually process wtf ur saying#to me. also i probably spaced out for a sec so i missed part of the convo lol. frustrating but at this point its just how it is. it makes me#more empathetic when i have to teach i guess. like listen ive got all kinds of fucking learning probs i just wanna help u learn something#how can i help? fucking dyslexia. god. i dont wanna prep for class this weekend. ive gotta show up like yea i kno reading papers is hard at#first but it gets easier! fuck u. its worth the suffering if i enjoy to topic but its always suffering. but thats what i get for going into#academia. thr dr who proscribed me stuff was like well sounds like u have a stress trigger and ur a phd student where life is stress... u#gotta figure out whats gonna work for u. sometimes thats a career change. not in like a pushy way just like: if what u do makes u suffer#then wtf r u doing? and hes got a point. but in contrast to what i was doing this is a massive improvement#well see if its manageable. ugh. i just wanna draw#unrelated
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dallonwrites · 1 year ago
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lately my only goal w my writing sessions is just to do whatever i need to feel good and set myself up for success w the next writing session and it feels kind of like basic advice but i seriously never gave specific focus to that and it's kinda life changing lol
#like i'll have specific goals like finish this story draft or write this many words finish this scene/chapter etc#but if i dont feel like i can make that happen i try not to see it as a failure and just reroute it into#okay what do i need to do to make sure i get closer to that tomorrow#or will make it easiest for me to get back into it tomorrow/what will set me up for success tomorrow#actually v clearly focusing on THAT instead of focusing on what i DIDNT do right now makes the whole#thing feel easier overall AND makes me feel like i can actually continue to get closer to Finishing The Thing#and i make it very tangible like how much do i need to write that also accommodates my abilities today. or do i just need to write a quick#outline or just the first line etc#i dont think im gonna finish this micro first draft tonight so i thought what can i do that will help ensure i (hopefully) can tomorrow#and it was just write all the lines that are in my brain out on the page. like no matter what i can do that n i probably can do more#like i have specific goals and self imposed deadlines so im trying to get things done by certain times but giving myself grace with it so i#dont burn myself out in the process#also trying to plan in advance so i never Have to do something By The Next Day that i dont think i can do#this is what helped me finish my dissertation LOL#i realised it was far more beneficial to not force myself over my limits for that day but set myself up for success the next day#i would be like “i need to do this but i know it will be easier to do it with a refreshed mind tomorrow”#and i kept thinking “getting a good nights sleep will help me more tomorrow than forcing myself to write/edit more”#“so i have less to do tomorrow”. like okay maybe id have less to do but id also have less brain power bc i overexerted myself!#which then turned into okay what else can i do to ensure success tomorrow etc#like im tired tonight! my brain isnt working! but i know i can do things that will make me more motivated to write tomorrow#and that in itself is a success. no failure in writing as long as you are taking care of and helping yourself#instead of isolating every writing session into a single Okay How Much Can I Do Today#but acknowledging how a string of writing sessions work together. some have more production some dont#and working with that
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cerbreus · 2 years ago
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it’s been a hellish last couple months dealing with being caught in the crossfire between incompetent rental car agency that is mad at me and incompetent car insurance company that didn’t tell me the person handling my claim fucking QUIT and MY CLAIM WENT FORGOTTEN FOR MONTHS and it still isn’t resolved in fact things have gotten worse and tbh, when i have major stressful setbacks in life, my body and brains’ response is to just. not. do anything. just shut down. intense fatigue, inability to focus on literally anything because the background level of stress is so high.
#bro im gonna cry#fucking got blacklisted from one of the largest rental car companies in this country and it is apparently#impossible to get off the 'do not rent' list#whats making me more upset is that i literally called them the day the windshield cracked i got things sorted out before i even dropped the#car off and still shit is so far out of my control and now i'm stuck with all these repercussions that shouldn't have happened if my#insurance that i pay a hell of a lot of money for wasn't so incompetent#bro apparently even my ROOMMATES can get blacklisted for sharing an address with me#worse yet payment has been sent out but the company is still going 'fuck you pay me killyourself never talk to us again once u pay this'#i can't get ahold of the DRU person in charge of my claim on their end to find out what happens#so it might end up going to collections anyway which will perma fuck up my credit score which i've been trying. so hard. to raise.#being an adult is a fucking nightmare i want to sleep i can't focus for longer than 5 minutes on anything before i start getting that dread#its so frustrating i can't enjoy my hobbies i can't enjoy my work (which is going well right now) bc i'm so stuck on this i need this to go#away so i can regain my brain's normal functioning and yes i have anxiety this is the worst it's been in a while though#anyway sry for the venting i'll be fine it'll be fine my insurance WILL pay for this and things will be fine (probably) once that goes thru#not that it didn't add to my stress enough that my bp probably took another year off my life lbr#personal stuff#delete later i think#DO NOT rent a car without taking the damage waiver it doesn't matter how much it costs or if you have insurance just take the damage waiver#don't be me
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