#there are lessons here and things i've learned

[sophie-frm-mars]

So I don't know if everyone realizes this, but we all have a "forever box" we mentally maintain. In it you keep the platonic ideal of each kind of bad person, separated away from normal people in order to keep the normal people safe. To be clear, this isn't prison, this is just in your head, a space you keep all the bad people in. To clarify further, it has nothing to do with how you believe that bad things happen in real life. You believe in systems that teach people to behave in cruel ways to each other, you believe in mental health crises that make people act irrationally or in ways people find scary or harmful, you understand the cycle of abuse, and none of that stops you from maintaining a box in your head where all the bad people go. It is an abstract place in your mind, a blindspot in your consciousness, and unless you very intentionally apply the things you believe about how bad things happen in real life, you put people in your forever box when you find out they are a bad person.

It's okay that you have this for yourself. There has to be a space on the other side of all your boundaries where you want someone out of your life altogether. I have people in this box in my head who I know I can't have in my life and it's taken a lot of work to know that that isn't the case because they contain an essential ontological evil. Personal capacity is how you actually determine whether you need to cut someone out or not, but this creates a very murky space.

If you find out that someone used to say homophobic things 5 years ago but stopped, maybe you think that person has had long enough in the box. You don't even think it consciously, you just emotionally sit in the reality that they already, as it were, served their time. Notoriously, white people's capacity to find out that other white people said racist things in the past and decide that they've already learned their lesson is quite powerful, just like straight people's ability to find out someone said or did something hurtful to queer people and decide they've had plenty of reckoning for that already is quite powerful. The trick here is that each observer feels like they're determining how long is long enough but they're actually doing an emotional weighing up of how much this person means to them. Plenty of white people are willing to put other white people who don't mean anything to them in the forever box for being racist and keep them there if they're a person they find distasteful.

Imagine a racist. You just pictured someone you find distasteful. Now imagine your best friend saying something racist. Regardless of whether you would respond by challenging that person, trying to educate them, or ignoring it and pretending nothing happened, the emotional difference here is that you didn't put them in the forever box.

When you are deciding that someone is too inconvenient to have in your life, you will tell yourself that you aren't judging them to be a bad person, that you aren't engaging with the situation on a moral level. When you are explicitly passing judgement on someone and calling them a bad person, you make yourself blind to how you are making decisions based on convenience and capacity. I've had this happen to me, and I've done this to other people. It takes work, sometimes consistent sustained effort, not to turn people into cartoons in your head. Although we know emotionally that bad people go in the forever box, we actually only put abstractions of people there.

Someone who you've abstracted in this way, of course, is just on the other side of an incongruity in social reality, a wall between them and you and whoever shares your perspective and abstracts them in the same way. The forever box isn't actually real unless enough people have been told that you did something bad, and put you in their own box in their heads, and then suddenly it is horribly real, and you are in it. In the forever box you are alone. Crushingly, grindingly, deafeningly alone. You are going to stay here and think about what you've done. This is how the reality of social ostracisation starts to materialise.

Nobody got together to agree on the rules, but the forever box has rules nonetheless:

If you do something bad you go in the forever box.

If you try to help someone get out of the forever box, you go in the forever box. Associating with someone may count as helping them get out.

If you try to get out of the forever box, either by pretending you didn't do anything wrong or defending yourself, you get longer in the box.

Because of rule 1, we always know that people in the forever box are bad people. This is reassuring, but it drives the need for rule 2. Rule 2 creates a social pressure that leads to rule 3.

Rule 3 exists because when you don't personally put someone in your forever box but you know that other people say they're a bad person, you know that standing near them may result in you getting disappeared as well, and so any time the person talks or acts in a way that might be seen as evading or refusing punishment, your fear of that increases and sometimes this will result in you vanishing this person from your own life.

Here I want to explain the idea of having a "sentence" in a space that I've said is forever. This is an effect of the scaling of people's personal boundaries into a social force. If you were entirely cut out by 5 people, but they were the only people you knew, the amount of time that you would spend completely alone is the time until you make new friends, which might not be that hard especially if the 5 people who stopped speaking to you were concentrated together, for example roommates in a flatshare. On the other hand, if 1000 people all swore you off as a bad person, for example an entire neighbourhood or a school, it would at first be very difficult to meet people who didn't share their perspective.

This is why social cliques, like in high school, that put pressure on all their participants to have the exact same view of someone are able to rapidly exclude and isolate someone for whom opinion shifts, but the obviousness of this is also what keeps everyone in the clique under control - that's the rules of the forever box working.

People who derive emotional security from the use of the forever box need the forever box to keep working, and in some cases need for it to never ever ever have been used incorrectly, unjustly, and this means that listening to anyone in the forever box, discussing the legitimacy of them being in there, or sometimes even acknowledging that the forever box exists is unacceptable.

For bigots, the desire to drive marginalized people out of public life is putting the entire group into a forever box. When I said at the start of this that the forever box isn't prison, that was a bit of a fib, because prison is very literally manifesting a physical reality of our shared imaginary bad person space, with sentences to serve painstakingly decided by a lengthy legal tradition and a whole set of professionals so that people can believe in some kind of justice being achieved by putting people there.

When people have been in prison, their access to employment, education, democracy, stable housing, food, healthcare, social rehabilitation are all permanently damaged unless there is incredibly intense work undertaken to fix them, and even then they're unlikely to ever be rich or famous or widely respected unless they were already those things before they went into prison. This is the forever box in everyone's heads working in tandem with the carceral system. There is a full spectrum of partly realised systems of punishment between the abstraction of the forever box in your head and the physical reality of a prison cell, and all of them serve to reinforce class divisions.

When marginalised people describe a sense that bigots want them all locked up, or deported or in camps or just plain gone, this is because they feel the direction of this social pressure, the pressure of disappearance, like a wind that blows softer or harder against them. It is so easy for people not in that marginalised group to dismiss this as exaggeration because they don't feel the wind blowing that way at any speed.

Social media (as in, the specific and intentional design of modern social media platforms) provides us with tools to caricature, abstract and alienate each other, and just like the punitive logic of prisons this functions as a way to use our energies on becoming more divided and so easier to control by the ruling class. At the same time as it makes us more reactive and ready to insult and misunderstand and then ultimate block each other, the people who find it easiest to group together and stick together are the people who feel thrown away and judged - this drives both the modern reactionary trend on social media and the famous "why I left the left" right-wing pivot of canceled celebrities.

What is the point in outlining all of this? Well firstly, to challenge how power currently exists in the world we have to understand how people turn to punitive methods for a sense of justice, because the power that a social system has is often granted to it by people's willingness to believe it can bring them justice. Secondly, once we understand the difference between setting your own personal boundaries and trying to make someone else suffer, we can talk about a better way to create something like justice in response to harm. Then, thirdly, if we can put that into practice in real terms and not turn to the impulse for punishment, we can create a society people actually want to live in rather than one people are scared of being excluded from.

[magical-regical]

King of My Heart

A Leona Kingscholar x gn!Yuu fic

Word count: 2021 words

Today I'm thinking of Leona with a Yuu who he takes home to the Sunset Savannah for the Cloudcalling Festival. He didn't want to, but his sister-in-law really wanted to meet them and he won't say anything against that. Besides, he knows his s/o has also been curious about the rest of his family and the Sunset Savannah ever since their last Cloudcalling Festival so at least it's a win-win for some people.

They emerged from the mirror and were received by Falena and his son.

"Ojii-tan!" Cheka ran and tackled his uncle, almost knocking him over.

"Doesn't a king have more important things to do?" Leona grumbled as he tried to peel his nephew off of him.

"Now, now, I'm sure the kingdom won't collapse if their king breaks away for a minute to welcome his brother. Especially when he's bringing his special someone with him." Falena turned to Yuu, giving them a warm smile, "A pleasure to meet you, Yuu. I am Falena Kingscholar. Leona's older brother, and the crown prince of the Sunset Savannah."

Leona let out a growl, wrapping his arms around their shoulders, "They know who you are. Now let's go, I bet you left Nee-san to handle the affairs while you're out messing around."

As soon as they stepped into the throne room, Falena was met with a lecture from Kifaji about shirking his royal duties. As the crown prince hemmed and hawed, a laugh could be heard from the other side of the room.

Yuu's eyes couldn't help but follow the queen as she descended from her throne, her every movement commanded your full attention and respect. Cheka ran to his mother, who lifted him into her arms.

"It's alright Kifaji. It was a quick matter, just as he promised." She said, giving her husband a kiss on the cheek.

"Welcome home, Leona." she said.

Leona let out a small 'hm' while bowing. Yuu followed his lead.

"Nee-san, this is my partner." he said.

"Ah yes, Yuu, I believe? We've heard a lot about you from Leona's letters. All good things, rest assured. Thank you for taking care of my dear brother-in-law."

"It was no trouble at all. Leona's been a perfect gentleman." Yuu said, their hand wandering to hold his.

Leona's grip on their hand tightened, an action that didn't escape the queen's keen eye.

She smiled, "I'm glad to hear that. I hope you enjoy your stay here. If there's anything else you need please don't hesitate to let me know."

Over the next few days the palace was a whirlwind of activity. Yuu only had about a day or two to enjoy the festivities of the Cloudcalling Festival with their boyfriend before Leona had to go tend to his duties as the leader of the Sunset Warriors.

Falena had decided to make this year's 'guardian lessons' a more hands-on experience by incorporating combat drills and mock battles. A decision Leona was definitely not happy with.

"Fine. I'll put them through training that will really show if they're warriors or just mewling kittens who'd only learned how to use their claws." That's what he'd said before walking away.

Yuu sent silent condolences to all the sunset warriors. Left to their own devices they wandered through the halls of the royal palace, gazing at portraits and miscellaneous memorabilia of past royals until reaching the doors of the royal kitchen.

Dinner service was over yet the chefs were still as busy as ever. The head chef noticed them lingering, "Ah you must be Yuu-sama. Please come in, come in. What can we do for you?"

"I'd like to help everyone do prep work for tomorrow's meals. Would that be alright?"

They paused to gauge everyone else's reaction before continuing,

"All the food I've eaten here has been absolutely delicious and I'd like to learn more about how each dish is made. I have experience working in a professional kitchen (Mostro Lounge) so I promise I won't get in the way. You can kick me out if I do."

The head chef smiled, "No need to be nervous. His highness has told us to give Yuu-sama full access to the kitchen so of course you're allowed to help. I have to warn you though, I can be quite strict."

"Yes chef! Looking forward to working with you, chef!" They said while putting on the apron the head chef had tossed them.

The prep work included chopping vegetables, pre-seasoning some meat, tossing a different kind of meat in a marinade, and, most surprisingly, making dessert. On the dessert menu for lunch tomorrow was baobab ice cream.

Baobab juice was extracted by boiling the fruit and straining the seeds. The juice was then combined with powdered milk and condensed milk and poured into molds before being put in the freezer to chill overnight. The leftover seeds in a sticky syrup made of sugar and a blend of spices that turned it a striking red color, turning them into candies that were enjoyed by people from all walks of life.

A portion of the candy was set aside for the royal family while the rest were packed into small plastic bags and distributed to every chef and servant in attendance.

"Thanks for helping out today, Yuu-sama. If you want to help out again sometimes or have any special requests, feel free to stop by. The doors are as open to you as they are to the royal family."

Yuu thanked the head chef before wishing everyone a good night. They were halfway down the next hallway when they remembered the had planned to ask for some fruit as a small snack for when Leona gets back.

They immediately turned back to the kitchen only to hear a passing conversation amidst the sound of sweeping.

"Yuu-sama is so nice aren't they?"

"They really are! Honestly, I didn't know what to expect when I heard Leona-sama was bringing their partner."

" I know right? I mean, Leona-sama tends to be quite moody. I heard he had another fight with the crown prince a few days ago and now he's taking it out on this year's sunset warriors."

"Oh man seriously? My brother's a sunset warrior. I hope he's doing okay... I'm worried now. I mean, with Leona-sama's unique magic and all..."

"Hey come on. He wouldn't do that... Would he? I mean a guy like that wouldn't be with someone as nice as Yuu-sama unless..."

The sound of sweeping was replaced by the sound of approaching footsteps. The two servants almost crashed into each other when they saw who was standing behind the door.

"Hello!" Yuu's tone was cheerful but their smile didn't quite reach their eyes.

"Yuu-sama! How long have you— I mean, uh, what, what brings you back to the kitchen?" One of the servants said.

"I wanted to see if there was any fruit I could have as a snack."

"O-of course, Yuu-sama. We can help you with that right away. What kind of fruit would you like?"

"Mm... I'm not sure... Do you two know what kind of fruit Leona likes?"

The two servants flinched at the mention of the second prince. They rambled some gibberish until someone placed a hand on each of their shoulders.

"My, my, is that any way for royal chefs to act? You two must be exhausted. Why don't you return to your quarters for tonight? I'll handle things here." The head chef said.

Relief flooded the two servants' faces as they scurried away like a pack of rats.

"My apologies Yuu-sama. I'll be sure to put them through the proper disciplinary actions tomorrow."

Yuu nodded, "Thank you. Now, could I have some apples please?"

The head chef watched silently as they grabbed a knife and started cutting up the fruit.

"Were you angry at them?"

"What makes you say that?"

The head chef chuckled, "Well, I've never seen anyone make bunny apples with such intensity in their eyes."

They sighed, "Fine, I'm a little angry. I mean okay, Leona can be lazy sometimes... most of the time, but he's no slouch! He runs rings around almost everyone at Night Raven. He reads people like books and he can gauge a situation in a second even with his eyes closed. He's a great leader too! Everyone in Savanaclaw would follow him to the ends of the earth and the spelldrive club members trust him with their lives whenever they play a match."

The head chef nodded along as they continued their rant,

"Also, what's with everyone being scared of his unique magic? Do they seriously think he's the kind of guy to use it on a whim? Just because he isn't as cheerful as his brother, it doesn't mean he's a psychopath. No matter how annoyed he gets he never raises a hand against anyone unless they cross a line and even then he'd never turn them to sand."

They let out a frustrated groan, eating a few candies to calm down.

"It seems Leona-sama is very loved." The head chef said.

Yuu felt heat rise up to their cheeks but they didn't look away. "Damn right he is. He's a great prince and the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. There's nowhere in this world that makes me feel as safe as when I'm in his arms."

"That so herbivore?"

A pair of arms wrapped around their shoulders. They look up to find Leona staring back at them, still in his lion garb.

"I was wondering who was chatting it up in the kitchen at this hour. Who would've thought I'd find my partner and the head chef rubbing shoulders?"

His gaze fell on the head chef who was suddenly very interested in the floor tiles.

"You're excused for the night. Get out of here."

"Yes your highness! Thank you!"

"Finally..." he rested his head on Yuu's shoulder, settling into the crook of their neck.

Yuu reached up to stroke his hair, "Long day?"

"Oh you wouldn't believe it. Those idiots were practically foaming at the mouth waiting to punch something after sitting through etiquette class. Fucking amateurs."

"You poor thing." They said, semi-sarcastically, "Here, I cut you some apples."

"Apples? What am I a monkey? And what's with the cutesy shape huh? I'm not a kid."

Despite his grumbling he still opened his mouth when Yuu held a slice to his lips and of course, he finished the entire plate.

"You want some candy too?" They asked once all the apple slices were gone.

"Mmm."

They pretended like they were going to feed him before pulling away at the last second and popping the candy into their own mouth, "Too bad. These are mine."

Leona growled, "You're forgetting something herbivore."

He tilted their chin up and kissed them, prying their mouth open with his tongue. When he pulled away he had successfully stolen the candy.

"You're mine. So what's yours is also mine." He whispered into their ear as he lifted them on to the counter, leaning in for another kiss. "Just like what's mine is yours."

It was the kind of kiss that left them breathless and coming back for more. The kind that leaves one utterly defenseless against the predator hovering in front of them.

The pout on their face when he pulled away was so cute he couldn't resist giving a playful bite to one of their delightfully red cheeks, "Don't give me that look. You knew what you were getting into."

Yuu broke into a giggle, "I do... And I don't regret it."

Now it was their turn to kiss him. They kissed his cheek, his nose, and all over his face, whispering sweet nothings in between each one.

"I love you.

I really, really love you.

My strong, smart, protective boyfriend.

You're really amazing you know?

The king of my heart."

Leona closed his eyes and let out a content sigh as they continued to shower him with affection. His arms settling around their waist and his tail wrapping around their leg. The world seemed to come to a halt. The silence only broken by their voice, and their heartbeat, beating in sync with his. In the midst of the peace fatigue crept up on him, making him let out a yawn.

"Let's go back to our room. Then you can conk out whenever you like." Yuu paused for a second before adding, "After you shower."

"Anything for you, princess." He said, nuzzling their forehead before scooping them up and carrying them out of the kitchen.

Omake

"Wanna get in the shower with me?"

"Only if you promise to behave. It's late and I'm also kind of sleepy."

"Oh you will be after I'm done with you."

"Leona!"

-END- Divider by: @/cafekitsune

[dailymanners]

It's still off topic Tuesday for another hour so I'm going to use that for a bizarre thing I experienced this afternoon.

I try my hardest not to post personal details about myself, but I do private one on one language lesson tutoring in my spare time (not as my main job). I've tutored both English and Icelandic, but currently my only student is a woman who knows neither English nor Icelandic, but she decided she wanted to learn English first because it has a much easier grammar system than Icelandic, and I cannot blame her, Icelandic grammar is truly beastly and not for the faint of heart.

Today while I was tutoring my student at the library, and I saw this older Icelandic woman circle past our table a few times while staring at us. I'm used to it at this point, when I'm teaching English in a public place like a library it's not unusual for Icelandic people, especially of (but not limited to) the older generation to give death glares over hearing English being taught / learned instead of Icelandic. Last week an old man sitting at the table next to us was straight up grimacing at us when he noticed I was teaching English (and not Icelandic). The week before that a group of Icelandic teenage boys started loudly angry shouting about how foreigners never bother to learn Icelandic and they all only speak English (and I'm sure it's *totally* a coincidence that this angry rant started about ten minutes after my English tutoring started and was accompanied by several glances in the direction of my student and I (/sarcasm))

However, this woman who kept circling our table and staring at us was more persistent and upfront than I've experienced before. It was making me nervous, but I was just trying to ignore her and tutor on.

Eventually she very assertively demands to know how much I'm getting paid. Doesn't introduce herself, doesn't apologize for interrupting our tutoring session, just looks at me and demands to know how much money I'm being given to tutor English. I give an awkward chuckle and try to get back to my student, but she's very insistent and doesn't leave when I try to ignore her. Eventually she starts indignantly demanding why my student is learning English and not Icelandic, and starts going on and on to me about how she's an unemployed Icelandic teacher because "none of these foreigners even bother to learn Icelandic anymore!". Eventually she finally leaves us alone, thank god. And thank god this woman is unemployed because I don't think someone who has an attitude like that has any business working with and teaching immigrants.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this here. Maybe because I want people to know that being a jerk to foreigners who haven't perfected the local language isn't unique to monolinguals, and certainly not just English speakers.

I get frustrated when I make posts about being nice to second language speakers like "don't patronize people who speak your native language as their second language / don't treat them like they're dumb or lesser than you" and half the notes are like "ENGLISH SPEAKERS THIS IS ABOUT YOU!" or whatever. No the hell it isn't, Icelandic people are extremely nationalist about the Icelandic language and are often very nasty towards immigrants who they think aren't trying hard enough to be perfect at Icelandic the second they step out of the plane.

So when I make posts in regards to being polite and respectful towards people who speak your language as their second language please stop making notes like "ONLY ENGLISH SPEAKERS DO THIS UGH" or "MONOLINGUALS THIS IS ABOUT YOU!!" (because most Icelandic people are bilingual, and yet are still very shitty towards anyone with Icelandic as a second language). Pretending that attitudes of nationalism and xenophobia (in regards to language usage) is unique just to English speakers and/or monolinguals is damaging because the other languages and the multilingual people who are also shitty and nationalistic and rude towards anyone less than perfect at their language shouldn't get off so easily.

[kingarmorking]

Do you think Kaji will be furin leader before Sakura?

ANON THANK YOU FOR ASKING THIS QUESTION IM SO EXCITED TO TALK ABOUT THIS @bayleavesfromthevine PUT THIS THOUGHT INTO MY HEAD AND NOW IM ENAMOURED WITH IT

(they talk about it here please go read all of their windbre posts their brain is so v big)

semi-short answer: Yes! I do think that Kaji would be Furin's next leader once Ume graduates, not only because we've gotten only 4 named second years (Kaji, Kusumi, Enomoto and Shiina from 2-2) but because of his parallels with Sakura specifically. Of the characters in the story Sakura tends to get most of his growth from not only Umemiya but also Kaji consistently.

Think of it this way, like I've said previously we get a lot of Sakura's backstory from how he's able to relate to other characters and through that we're able to get hints of his backstory and can extrapolate from there. However, when it comes to him developing as a character, a lot of it comes from Kaji!

(again Bay goes over it in incredible detail here but there are manga spoilers so anime onlys beware!)

and now cue my rambling under the cut

the parallels between Kaji and Sakura are obvious and plentiful that've all been said before (honestly a lot of what im gonna say Bay's talked about in their post) so forgive me for regurgitating the same information

in REAL simple terms, Kaji is Sakura with one year's worth of character development but he's also a more reasonable goal in terms of the kind of leader Sakura could become

Umemiya is clearly the ideal leader in nearly any way you could think of, and Sakura just has... a long way to go until he can get to that point not only in terms of maturity and experience but also his own trauma to heal from.

enter Kaji, who is literally doing his best to work through his own trauma and live up to the expectations of his fellow Bofurin members, who doesn't have a goal he wants aside from trying to navigate this title of grade captain that was put upon him one year prior, who does the exact same thing that Hiragi did to him to Sakura

to really accentuate why Kaji being Furin's next leader just makes sense I gotta talk about how important he is to Sakura's growth because he just... can't learn from Umemiya the same way he learns from Kaji. yeah he does learn from Umemiya obviously but the problem is that Sakura tends to get into his own head with the lessons from Umemiya whether or not he realizes it

i think it's easier for Sakura to learn from Kaji because it's... literally like looking at a mirror, for both of them, one into the future and the other into the past. Sakura can look at Kaji and see that things that he has a lot of reservations about, work out in the end because they both have people to rely on. They really can put each other into the other's shoes because they're so similar, even the way their peers act around them (see the way 2-1 treats Kaji is exactly like how 1-1 treats Sakura, they both fucking adore their respective grade captain)

does Kaji still have a long way to go before he becomes a leader? yeah absolutely. do i think he'll be ready when Ume graduates to becomes Furin's leader? no, not really. like grade captain, that responsibility will most likely fall into his lap and he will VEHEMENTLY deny the title (he didn't even wanna be grade captain and now he's gotta lead the whole damn school??? NO THANK YOU)

but Kaji becoming the next leader would be SUCH an important step in not just his development but also for Sakura to learn how to become Furin's leader when he's a third year. He doesn't have to be like Umemiya because there's no way in hell Kaji could ever be like him (not said negatively obviously), it would ease his mind that it's okay to not be like Umemiya, he can lead his own way and still be an effective leader

so yeah! i think Kaji being Furin's next leader just makes sense for the story and Sakura's growth as a character, even if we don't end up seeing it (THOUGH IF NII-SENSEI WANTS TO CONTINUE THE STORY AND GIVE US SNIPPETS OF SAKURA IN HIS SECOND YEAR I AM ALL HERE FOR IT)

[luckystarchild]

Learned today that the Plagiarism Machine (AKA Ch*tGPT) often incorporates em dashes into the drivel "writing" it produces, to the point people now flag em dash usage as an indicator a given bit of writing was produced by the Plagiarism Machine.

(It uses em dashes, one should note, because it was trained on material written by people who use them, AKA creative writers. See again: Plagiarism Machine.)

This is deeply distressing to me as a writer who has never-not-once used the Plagiarism Machine, because I LOVE EM DASHES SO FUCKING MUCH. I use them constantly. But since I would be MORTIFIED if someone thought I was using plagiarism software to produce my work, I caught myself momentarily contemplating striking them from my writing toolbox (or at least using them less frequently).

But here's the thing: I refuse to let a soulless, capitalist hellscape device chase me away from something I enjoy, let alone dictate the writing style I've developed over the course of two decades.

To make myself feel better about continuing on as normal—no matter what the fuck the Plagiarism Machine may say about it—I decided to do some research. The Plagiarism Machine was released in 2022. My most notable online work is Lucky Child, which began serialization in 2017. Even earlier samples of my work feature frequent em dash usage. Thus, my em dash usage predates the Plagiarism Machine by a not inconsiderable margin. For proof (and to comfort myself that no one could ever try and claim my em dash usage is indicative of the Plagiarism Machine's influence) I decided to look at the first chapter of Lucky Child, and—

I literally use one in the opening line.

I use a total of 9 in the first chapter alone.

The Plagiarism Machine owes every creative writer on the internet both a thank-you for the lesson in em dash usage AND an apology for absorbing that lesson without our consent.

[yuukei-yikes]

do u have any more info on harutaka kid and shinaya kid? i care them

if u ever ask "do u have more info on (kagepro hc)" the answer is yes. and if it isnt i can make shit up on the spot. however for this is a Huge yes. here's doodles.

i've got more but they're somehow spoilery to my comics so LMAO. anyways. 1 million headcanons under the cut.

ok so. something funny. i made them be really into baseball. and it's funny cause ive gotten kagefuture compared to falsettos like 3 times and the kid in that musical plays baseball too BUT THAT WASN'T WHY. i just think ayame (shinaya kid) is really sporty and generally into all team sports but i was like ok i'll choose one to be Her thing. and i knew baseball is really popular in japan so i was between that and football (soccer for the americans but im not calling it that) but idk football is so The Basic Sport ever. so i went for baseball. so she's very intensely into baseball and breaks windows constantly at home. probably on an ongoing fight with ayano abt it

konoha (harutaka kid) (he named himself they wouldn't name him that) is also in the team with her because ayame dragged him along but he's not... suuuper into it and he's Reeeallly bad at it so he's always struggling with self confidence. Another funny thing. i thought of these hcs before the pixar series win or lose came out. ive only seen episode 1 since its free on youtube but when i watched it i was like omfg. that kid being upset playing softball is basically my konoha kid hc. like he's not having a good time and comes back from games really upset. haruka and takane would really want him to quit LOL so that's a point of discussion for the 3 of them

i think he refuses to quit cause he doesn't see it as an option+ayame has a very overbearing personality and is The decider. a little bit of a controlling best friend situation. ayame's the youngest of 4 and has a big age diff with her siblings and that has its cons (not taken seriously) and pros (gets whatever she wants). the cons result in her projecting very intensely in her friendship w konoha who is pretty meek and generally needs a lesson on learning to say no. EVENTUALLY konoha would obviously quit and focus his time in whatever introvert stuff he's into. maybe videogames like haruka and takane and they can be a lame gamer family

btw haruka and ayano are the ones going to see them play and they're rly intense abt it. shintaro and takane are NOT into that shit. konoha doesnt care takane doesnt go cause he sucks anyway and is embarrassed haruka is even there but ayame's bugging shintaro like CRAZY to go see her. shinaya point of discussion GO SEE UR DAMN KID PLAY HER GAME

also i think ayame is really smart and not cause she got the crazy high iq from shintaro but instead i think he'd really get into tutoring her and teaching her big words when she's small LOL so she's got a big vocabulary but she's also a kid so sometimes she talks like. dude that match had me totes discombobulated like seriously. and ayano's like wtf is ur dad saying to u.

shintaro w but he doesn't talk to ayame like she's stupid and just speaks like he would with anyone else and just explains it if he says a word she doesn't know. idk. i think it's cute if he got all into The Brain Development and Abstract Conceptualizations just to know what word of the week to give his kid. its CUTE ALRIGHT. jin would've made this guy a teacher. he can do that here. shintaro being good with kids and finding out he really likes them. is this a hot take. is this ooc. have i lost the plot too much

also ayano works with children so in college she probably studied up all that stuff too so they'd be on the same page and be having weirdass conversations abt ayame's developmental stage or some shit and haruka and takane are like wtf are u guys Talking about.

ummm UMM what else. well kano and ayame is its whole thing bc their relationship really depends on the outcome of kagefuture that i haven't even decided.

in a shinaya situation kano's different from her other uncles/aunts who treat her like best princess girl ever, kano is more distant and he's not like letting her stay over at his place like everyone else etc. like he's more difficult and she's stubborn and likes a challenge so she WOULD be a little annoying about it bc she's curious about him. and i think kido and seto who try so hard to be the best ever are so mad bc they're like this is just like ayano playing favorites with kano (i hc they think that) except now it's our niece prefering him! and kano isnt even awesome to her like we are!! WHY IS HE ALWAYS THE FAVORITE!!!

but their relationship in a kanoshin situation would be super different. he still wouldn't be treating her like best princess girl ever but he Would coddle her a lot more. because i mean i guess kano and shintaro would (INSANELY ENOUGH) be in a stable relationship and living together. so kano would inadvertently be a parent figure to her too cause they live together. but that thought freaks him out so much so instead they're always arguing like siblings lol. if she's staying with ayano she beefs with her siblings and if she's with shintaro she beefs with kano. but i guess kano will side with ayame if it gets on shintaro's nerves. which probably happens often. i think in a kanoshin situation it'd be funny for ayame to be sleeping between them and kicking nonstop and kano's like why did i sign up for this again.

either way, ayame takes joy from riling him up. kind of like shintaro does. this is kano's karma for always messing with everybody so badly. congrats ur niece is just as annoying as ur ex bf/lame husband.

btw it feels silly to clarify but ayame and konoha wouldn't be together romantically. cause i feel pairing up fankids is really common so that's why i say it. they're more like family

haruka and takane have no siblings and both have 1 person as caregivers (and haruka's is kinda not awesome) so like. their family IS the mekakushi dan. and shintaro and ayano are their best friends theyre always hanging out so their kids are like. kind of like cousins. the cousin ur actual friends with and u go to the same school just different grades. that's their vibe hehe

[cupcakewebkinz]

Some Shelly head canons because I've been playing as her all morning with my sister and I think she's neat as fuck (I love this fossil sm-)

Includes some fluffy handler moments yes indeed. :]

I believe wholeheartedly that Shelly bites- but she isn't a vicious biter, she very carefully and gently nibbles. She's left scars all over Shanon's hands from her nibbling, but Shanon doesn't mind, it doesn't hurt much anymore. Shelly can't control her sharp teeth either...

I like to imagine Shelly to be like a Chihuahua, shivering when she's comfortable and when she's cold. Shanon knows the difference, though it tends to worry Vee since she's still learning how to tell if Shelly is sick and cold or just really comfortable.

Shelly, while liking dinosaurs, has an interest in technology thanks to Vee. She has been taking lessons on fixing Vee behind her back, and Veronica is more than willing to teach her everything she knows to help her with her goal of becoming Vee's main repairwoman

Shelly most definitely has a soft but stern mom voice, and she knows how to use it. She'll make any toon listen to her scolding, even if they don't realize they're there when she starts. She's not usually the one to do it though, unless it's someone she's close to. Vee especially gets this treatment, but that's because she just wants her to be safe, and Vee honestly respects that a lot.

I'd imagine Shelly would have a very pleasant singing voice as well, and would pair well with Vee's, she's just not used to having an audience so she gets really shy when she sings. Vee's addicted to her singing though.

Shelly absolutely would sell sea shells on the sea shore. Just fossilized seashells. Especially if she gets to tell you the history of that fossil before you buy it.

Shelly could honestly care less how often Vee tells her she loves her, she just knows she does by the way she looks and interacts with her, but she never tells Vee that just so she can keep hearing her favorite tv loudly announce that she loves her at any random moment Vee wants to. She genuinely finds it really cute that Vee loves to tell her she loves her so often, and is always happy to say it right back just to see that look in her eyes. She's obsessed with that silly robot who would've guessed-

I feel like Shelly would be a tiny fossil clone of Shanon, I feel like she'd copy a lot of Shanon's behaviors and act like she was her genuine biological child since she wouldn't interact with other people often. The running gag of "handlers being parental figures" is very real here... Shanon is her mom, she will absolutely call her mom, she is her mother and you're not convincing her otherwise.

Shelly absolutely sews up anything anyone gives her to fix - no questions asked. She loves sowing, and she loves sowing plushies just to give them to Vee. She's blissfully unaware that Vee is running out of room for them, because Vee never tells her... Until she opens her closet one day and a bunch of dinosaur stuffies fall out. Vee's favorite is the first one Shelly ever made for her, which is a plush stegosaurus. Only Shelly can touch that one, the rest the handlers can also touch if Vee's watching. Vee takes Shelly's gifts way too seriously...

Shelly has a great bond with the other mains, thanks to Vee. Her second favorite is Astro, mostly because he gives her dreams about riding dinosaurs with Vee. She always dreams about dinosaurs and Vee. Sometimes Shanon's there too.

Shelly loves any fun shaped food, and tends to only eat anything that looks fun to eat, such as dinosaur nuggets and smiley fries. It's purely because they're simple and she knows exactly what it is, she's terrified of new foods and it's one of the few things Vee can't help her with. Unfortunately. She's not picky though, she just has anxiety when it comes to new foods, she tends to love everything she tries.

Shelly would only kill someone for one of four things - stealing a fossil, hurting her family/friends/partner, taking away her dino nuggets and threatening her herself. One shall not take her prized comfort food...

Shelly absolutely is built like a lumberjack, she looks like a chubby, squishable friend but is actually terrifyingly strong. THANKFULLY she knows her strength and never has accidentally killed anyone with a hug, even though she absolutely could. People fear her hugs regardless.

Random note but I feel like her voice would get all high pitched and squeaky when she's either really happy or really mad and I find that adorable, and I'm the same way. I love this autistic fossil...

[miapcain]

Just wanted to say I adore the art you post here. Also I am curious about you experience as an indie dev. Have you made any games before? Do you have any advice for first time, aspiring indie devs? And most importantly, when might we get to play your game?

thank you, I appreciate it! I've released several games. My first personal release is playable for free here, the biggest release I worked on is this. My advice is don't quit your day job and make at least one or two dozen tiny things and probably at least one small game before you even think about starting your dream project, or you will burn out before you learn enough lessons to have any hope of finishing it. The future of VESNA: DOG NIGHTMARE depends on my own career. If I get a job soon I will keep working on it as a hobby, until I have a demo; otherwise I will have to launch a patreon and work towards one full time. Remains to be seen.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 11 "revelations" thoughts

dare i say it… new favorite episode?

whatever expectations i had, they were blown away. usually the episode after a two episode arc feels weird and stiff, but this? this hit every box on a checklist i didn’t even know i had.

i’m bouncing off the walls right now. i'm pacing my room and mumbling to myself while gesticulating wildly. i am filled with an energy that caffeine has not ONCE given me. and it's called "your character, that is so near and dear to you, got an episode dedicated just to exploring their inner life and workings and belief system and faith in God and the world". try it if you get a chance.

so let us begin. let me give you my verbatim notes, so you can watch the excitement grow.

oh boy! oh boy oh boy! i am excited! and i know by now to not expect any real continuation from the last episode, but i’m still excited because the last two were so good! and this one is like… good omens? with a kid that can start the end of the world?

wow. never have i thought to myself, how would mulder and scully handle biblical revelations? but here i am. wondering it.

hope the kid is chill. hope he has good vibes. mulder will like him anyway because he’s actually a huge softie but still better if he’s got good vibes.

we open on a sermon. the priest or pastor- depending on the denomination- whatever his title is, he is talking about faith. saying that miracles are real. and now he’s shaking and moaning. is this one of those churches?

OH HE’S BLEEDING from between his knuckles like some sort of blood wolverine. people are looking at him, thinking, what is going on? and this is something i am also wondering. maybe it was fake though…. little capsules in his hands, maybe???

he’s dabbing off his makeup now. as a man enters his dressing room. saying that some people really do believe. but he’s being weird.

and then this guy escalates to murder. and when he touches this pastor he’s burning up??? huh??? a firebender?? in pennsylvania??

THE INTRO WAS DIFFERENT AGAIN THIS TIME. WHY DOES IT CHANGE. i have come to know these beats VERY well!! they are like a heartbeat to me. you cannot simply alter them as you see fit!

scully looking at the body of the dead pastor/priest, talking about how it looks like rope burns around his neck. mulder crouching VERY close by.

HEHEHEHEHE mulder is like “he was bleeding from his hands like the crucifixion” and scully goes “stigmata?” heheheheheeeee i’m blushing

(talking about belief systems is apparently a way to my heart? like c'mon, tell me how you understand the universe and which elements you surrender to knowing that you will never comprehend. you look cute while doing it)

no wounds on the hands, though… so mulder licks the blood. and i froze JUST as scully makes this horrified face... i’m CRYING. yes, it is fake blood, and yes, he has some on his lips and teeth, and yes, its adorable. but what a risky move!

ohhh he was wearing a sugar pump sort of thing! yum yum. couldn't be me, i'd be slurping that.

so mulder has been tracking religious murders related to stigmatics (excellent word!)

scully’s talking about how certain people believe at any given time there are 12 stigmatics in the world. and they represent the 12 apostles. and i’m blushing terribly.

nods solemnly. i am learning a lot about myself through this show.

scully you are so preeeeetty. 

okay, cut to elementary school in ohio. kevin is blowing spitballs. his teacher is bullying him into doing math on the board. when all of a sudden, his hands start bleeding!! and we see that he has the holes!!!

he’s in the nurse’s office still when mulder and scully show up. damn how did they get to ohio that fast… OHHH they had put out an FBI alert and maybe this happened more than once.  yes, this is exactly what is explained mere moments after i made the initial comment.

so it happened BEFORE, and they assumed it was an incident of abuse, but it wasn’t proven. still, his dad was institutionalized after saying Kevin was chosen by God. okay! things escalated. 

scully is talking to the boy. she feels his forehead and says he feels feverish. okay doctor!! and she says he is very brave. queen. smart and kind.

mulder is meeting kevin’s mom. explaining that he might be in danger from a religious fanatic.

oh! the thermometer in his mouth broke. straight up exploded. hope that was fake mercury in there.

they’re going to put kevin back “into the shelter” which i feel like would make him an easier target for a serial killer?? but on the off chance it WAS his mom, it would make him safer. so mixed feelings here.

mom yells at the teacher, teacher says she loves her job, and mulder has this excellent smile. then waves scully out to leave. it was kinda funny to me for some reason, the waving her out. quite domestic. 

mulder thinks the kid did the cuts to himself to get his father back. hmm. not buying it. so they go to talk to kevin's dad. 

dad claims the forces of darkness have been watching kevin. in the great war between good and evil. he’s really talking to scully and he says they just “come full circle to find the truth”. she says dude idk what that means?? and he says “you will” okay... i’m creeped out a bit!!!

kevin is back at the children’s home. telling a bunch of other kids scary stories. and he seems to be explaining a scary guy who is walking into the building as the storytelling goes on. just as the scary guy enters, all the kids leave. scary guy is looking at the wounds on kevin’s hands!

soon after, mulder is with the group of children who saw the guy. we learn here that mulder is 6 foot 1. which is very funny. 

kevin was abducted by the fellow it seems he was describing before his arrival!!! and his mom seems to blame scully. she looks really upset.

they see the drawing that they think does not look like a real person, and kevin’s mom is like it’s owen, who did the yard work. 

so it’s owen time. he’s carved noah’s ark and he has kevin. but he says he can’t let him go home. because it isn’t safe. he refers to himself as kevin’s guardian angel. hmm. that makes me suspicious.

owen grabs a shotgun when a car pulls up. but the agents get him to put it down and scully is on a quest to find the little dude. and he was there… but now he isn’t?

so owen says God asked him to protect kevin. 

OH ANGRY MULDER IS GONNA QUOTE SCRIPTURE AT YOU!!!!! now give him some DAMN ANSWERS!

owen is like, well YOU believe, don’t you scully, because you have that necklace on. he’s calling her a BAD CHRISTIAN??? the audacity….

then owen gets up and JUMPS OUT THE WINDOW??? and runs away??? somehow??

(mulder jumped down from the porch to chase owen, and his big coat floated around him like a cape... i giggled)

now where did this dude go...?

kevin made it home!!! he’s yelling for his mom. she doesn’t seem to be there, but someone rang the doorbell. and we only see a quick glance but it LOOKS like the killer!!! 

who burns off the doorknob with his firebending!!! so yes, it is the og killer from the start of the episode! he comes in and asks for kevin. saying he knows he’s here.

mom, now would be a good time to roll up with a gun. 

he picks up a family photo and sees kevin in a picture then checks the closet to see if he’s in there but kevin is in the hamper. and the hamper is bleeding!!! dead giveaway. 

but owen rolls up just as the firebender guy opens the hamper, and starts fighting for him!! so kevin is making a break for it!!!

he runs and runs and RUNS INTO MULDER!!!! scully is telling him that he will be okay.

they only find dead owen. no firebender.

and kevin asks scully if she was sent to protect him… she does not seem to know what to say because. do you mean like by the government... or jesus?

autopsy time!!!! she’s talking into the voice recorder like always. it always gives vlog energy. anyway, his body looks very much alive. despite the very much dead thing. 

mulder interrupts this. and scully asks him to SMELL the dude. he obliges. with only a smirk!

scully says he smells a bit… floral.

OMG!! OMG I RECOGNIZE WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. they talk about it in the brothers karamazov, how a holy body is said to stay intact and even smell good when it ought to be decomposing. so the real question is: is she imagining it?

i mean, she is the body expert. so i’d want to say no. but also, this dude was playing with her head. so it’s hard to say. i'd think she would identify the body correctly no matter what, but a little smell hallucination thanks to the power of suggestion cannot be ruled out in any situation.

AND SHE TALKS ABOUT IT!! apparently it is something you learn in catechism. okay, well i just picked it up from that summer i got through that book, but we all learn somewhere. mulder is like “you’re serious?” and i feel he should be encouraging this open discussion rather than ridiculing it. AND SHE STARTS NAMING SAINTS IT HAPPENED TO!

mulder is saying that those things didn’t really happen, and i’m not taking this from alien man.

mulder has transitioned into listening mode now. OH! SCULLY! she says:

“isn’t a saint or a holy person just another term for someone who’s abnormal?”

“do you really believe that?”

“i… believe in the idea that God’s hand can be witnessed. i believe he can create miracles, yes”

“even if science can’t explain them?”

“maybe that’s just what faith is”

YES! YES I AM CHEERING AND JUMPING UP AND DOWN. we were owed a scully-centric episode, and never did i even THINK we would get something so aligned with my interests that we’d start exploring her religious beliefs and how that intertwines with her faith in science and her work. that sounds like something i’d write a fic for because it’s hyper specific to my interests. but no. this is CANON!

mulder is saying that she shouldn’t get swept up in these things (and how ironic that the roles are reversed! it’s exquisite. we’ve found his weak point, he’ll believe in anything but a Christian God)

scully is lost in thought. taking a deep breath. steeling herself.

pause. it’s a scene change. but mulder has a pencil in his teeth. it’s adorable, really. he takes it out to write something.

they pulled prints from owen’s neck!! burned right onto the skin. and they found who did it!! the man i was previously calling the firebender, his real name is simon gates, one of the south’s wealthiest men, arrested 3 years ago on a DUI. 

so then he went to israel, and this is how i learned of something called “jerusalem syndrome”, where people come back from the holy land with religious delusions. i have not heard of this before. but it could be a motive. except for the whole burning fingerprints into necks thing. i'm unfamiliar with any sort of place turning you into prince zuko.

okay, so someone saw kevin with his mom the same time he was seen with a social worker??? doubles?? twins??? ghosts??

kevin and his mom are on the side of the road with a broken down car, when who pulls up but SIMON!!

she asks what he wants and he says “i think you know”, then kevin makes a break for it.

now. can an old man outrun a child? children have small legs, but boundless energy.

BUT HE’S RUNNING?? AND ANOTHER KEVIN GETS OUT OF THE CAR??? to talk to his injured mom. then running kevin DISAPPEARED!!! AND MOM HITS THE DUDE WITH A CAR!!!

sadly, it wasn’t out of excellent aim that she hit him, but rather because she had her face smacked into the ground by simon and was concussed or something similar. she drove into a ditch. 

NO!!! KEVIN IS SAYING SHE DIED BECAUSE OF HIM. DEATH??? I JUST THOUGHT WE WERE DEALING WITH CONCUSSION HERE?

i guess it can be a quick trip from one to the next. but i'm sad for poor kevin.

scully is near him, telling him she promises she won’t let simon hurt kevin. OH LORD, YOU GOT HER PROMISING THINGS, SMALL CHILD.

he doesn’t want to go back to the shelter. and she says he doesn’t have to. are they going to take this small child for a bit….?

she avoids mulder’s gaze when telling him she wants kevin to come with them, saying she is not getting personally involved, but like mulder is gonna complain having a kid around. 

(he actually didn't seem to have his typical instincts kick in today. how curious...)

and turns out simon rented the car under the name of one of the devil’s disciples. yikes!

so creepy simon is watching this go down despite being hit by a car. 

back to the motel. scully is running kevin a bath and sees he has a big scratch on his side. from the crash… or?

mulder is fake pouting. “you never draw my bath” JCHDJSBJSND

she’s freaked out because she knows that cut was NOT there before. OH? is it the jesus spear thing??

she is busting out her theological training- he could be in two places at once, like st. ignatius! and mulder is talking about how it was all a metaphor, that bible. mulder, if you are dismissive ONE more time...

OH, I GASPED AT THIS NEXT PART. HOLD ON I NEED TO WRITE THIS DOWN:

“how is it that you’re able to go out on a limb whenever you see a light in the sky, but you’re unwilling to accept the possibility of a miracle, even when it’s right in front of you?”

“i wait for a miracle every day, but what i’ve seen here has only tested my patience, not my faith”

“well, what about what i’ve seen?” 

UGH. how PERFECT is that dialogue!!! how brilliant is that exchange!!! why is what she has seen less believable than his x files and aliens and beasts? he spends so long looking to his own stars that he’s forgotten others can form constellations as well. and how often does the narrative favor him, his thoughts running like a prey animal, chasing and chasing any sort of lead. why can’t she have something that cuts her to the quick just as deeply?

sure, science is great, science is the building block of her reality. but you can’t change the way you grew up, either, the pattern recognition, the fear of the divine. and she’s never had trouble balancing the two, we just haven’t had a reason to see them interact before, because she generally compartmentalizes the day to day world and the spiritual- and how many of us can say we do the same? probably most, if we believe in anything at all. but then it comes straight to a head- and after she has been through so much as well, losing her dad, her kidnapping, her coma, losing mulder and her job (which luckily came back), losing her sister forever- is it selfish to want there to be a caring force out in the universe?

but on the flip side, that means that there is real and genuine evil, forces of the devil and hell- unless you think it’s poetry, like mulder does. but wouldn’t that explain all the suffering she’s been through? the horrific things this job has showed her? and wouldn’t it be worth it in the end to go through that all if you know it was to be defeated?

okay i just spend so long typing that up the screen went dark. SORRY SORRY I’M COMING BACK I PROMISE!!! I JUST GET EMOTIONAL.

NOOO! a weird noise was heard, so mulder kicks down the now locked door where kevin was supposed to be taking a bath. AND THE WINDOW WAS MELTED OPEN!! so scully basically comes face to face with the evil that must be real if miracles are as well. oh! i’m eating this up.

but she promised him he would be safe! so this is not looking good!

she wants to go talk to his father again. and mulder doesn’t want to, but she is NOT taking no for an answer. 

kevin’s father is not coming up with an answer. the doctors have increased his meds and he’s very foggy. 

she asks again about the full circle to find the truth thing. and she runs out, in a daze.

mulder gets a call that there has been a simon spotting, but she doesn’t hear; she’s pointing at a recycling bin, saying that it’s arrows that form a circle. she thinks he’s at a recycling plant; he thinks he’s at the airport.

mulder asks if she thinks she’s the one that was chosen to protect him. and she says she doesn’t know; her voice cracks as she says that if she’s wrong, she’ll meet him at the airport. OH! religious burdens, the divine pressure of fate. he watches her leave, looking troubled.

at the recycling plant- and simon IS there, saying kevin has to die, for everyone, so the new age will come. and his hands are bleeding again. all the others were false.

SCULLY AMBUSH!!! but simon is taking him into a recycling chopper. AND HE DROPS HIM IN!!! we see chopping occur!!! but it was SIMON AND NOT KEVIN THAT WAS CHOPPED!!! kevin caught himself on the ledge!!!! she pulls him up.

he says he knew she’d come, and they hug so so so tight, and she places a kiss on his head when she’s holding him, and i’m gonna cry like a baby

when they’re getting him around to leave, she says that maybe she’ll see him again sometime, and he says that she will.

and scully looks like she’s crying- i don’t think she is, but she puts her head in her hand- mulder comes in and asks if she’s okay. she says she thinks so, and he holds out her jacket to put on. it might have been the most tender thing i have ever seen. he says they need to go make a statement; she asks him to do it alone, she has to go run an errand.

again, she mostly avoids his eyes. but he agrees, and goes to make the statement alone. he doesn't press.

AND SHE GOES TO CONFESSION???? FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 6 YEARS??? she starts talking about not being able to discuss something with mulder. she asks about miracles; if she was seeing things when it comes to saving kevin, or if she was imagining them. 

she doubts herself because mulder didn’t believe them!!!!!!!!!!! and usually he believes without question!!!

maybe they weren’t meant for him, maybe they were meant for YOU, he says. and she asks if this was to bring her back; he says “sometimes we must come full circle to find the truth”

and it makes her afraid!!!! that god is speaking but no one is listening!!!!

WHO THE HELL WROTE THIS EPISODE. NO. NO, HOLD ON I’M GONNA LOOK THIS UP. 

KIM NEWTON. KIM. YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO GETS ME ON THIS PLANET. NO ONE ELSE DOES.

wow okay. i’m going to be pacing my room about this for 100 years. there are going to be think pieces about this, from me, for the foreseeable future. i’m losing my MIND.

i don’t think i could have cooked up a more perfect episode if i had tried. something centered on scully entirely (mulder has had his fair share of attention), something about faith, something where she questions what she holds close and why she holds it close and what it means that she does so at all. what it means for there to be human good and human evil and divine good and divine evil. how god speaks to people and how we listen. or hear things that he didn’t say, like simon did. 

holy FUCK i literally could not think of anything better. and i have SO much to say. i already SAID SO MUCH, too. like i’m seriously bouncing off the walls right now. whatever love i had for scully before just quadrupled- and who knew this was even possible??

for things to be reversed, for mulder to try and talk her out of a belief, how bizarre that must have felt to him, and how cold it felt. how he just couldn’t see it, how his not being able to see it drove her to doubt herself, how she must doubt herself already, but that sprung everything to the surface. how she doubts that god would use her. and use her for good. 

but still, despite his lack of understanding, despite his trying to get her to think rationally- he is there for her, even if he doesn't get it, even if he could have done better. the way he held her jacket while she processed everything, the way he didn't question her needing time for herself. somethings are best left unspoken.

lord, i’m gonna have to stop there because if i don’t. i just might never shut up ever ever ever. and i still need to proofread all my raw notes, and i’m sure i’ll think of something else to say.

i started this episode AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO LMAOOOO i just had SO much to pause and observe and say which is NOT a complaint in the slightest. 

wow. new fave episode i think. i’ll have to add it to the list. 

please let me know what you thought- are there any other scully truthers out there who lost their minds over this? did you like the episode? is it disliked and i'm strange for going on such a ramble? did you have trouble reconciling faith scully and science scully? personally i don't, but i could see how some people might. did you find mulder too dismissive? or did you think he was trying his best? some combination of both? did scully protecting that kid make you emotional? please, spill EVERYTHING. i always want you to spill everything, but now so even more than usual.

[moyazaika]

will you appear again before Christmas?🥲

YES HI!!!! WOWEE sorry for being away longer than i intended! estranged family member showed up on my front door after 18 yeARS of no contact?!?!? went to bali and lost my pasSPORT?!?!?! failed my driver's TEST!?!?!?!

#life

[daisysbike]

hey ladies, do you mind if I use my blog?

[cosmogyros]

.

[bowie-amia1]

Oh what now is the adventure we'll go on Dr. Who? Where I will suffer fatigue at tales conclusion...

[loverboybrightsideghost]

i really do love practicing 🎻

[joonboree]

Dublin Canvas Two Electric Boogaloo

I got to paint another traffic light box for Dublin Canvas this year. My painting is titled "The Red Socks".

It's based on an Irish Fairy Tale that goes like this:

'There is a farmer who finds a leprechaun. He catches him and says he'll let him go if he shows him where his pot of gold is. The leprechaun shows him a field of hedgerows, points one out and says the gold is underneath. The farmer ties one of his red socks to it and goes to get a shovel. When he comes back all the hedges have red socks on them.'

Here's a full rotation of the box

[buggbuzz]

taking advantage of my few days off to start really filling in my basic genetics notes since i'm taking a genetics class in the fall