#there are just some feelings I don't know well at all lmao

[kookooluvr]

Teach Me How To Love - Part 7

pairing: professor!jungkook x (fem) professor!reader, fwb to lovers

genre: fluff, angst, smut, fwb au, economicsprofessor!jungkook, politicalscienceprofessor!reader, slow burn, some emotional constipation, some sappy moments, lots of sexy moments.

summary: jeon jungkook, a fellow professor at yonsei university, is your friend, co-worker, and secret bed buddy. you have rules set in place to make sure there are no misunderstandings in your little arrangement. the #1 rule is as clear as day; no catching feelings. simple, right? wrong. let's see how un-simple it gets when a certain economics professor falls for an emotionally unavailable political science professor.

rating: 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

word count: 6.3k

warnings: three month time skip, oc and jk are NOT doing well, she gets some advice from jihyo and her mom, tae drags jungkook to a bar to feel better, hana being pushy, drinking, kissing (not with oc 😤😤) feelings of regret, handwritten love letters, tae is a man with a plan 👀

author's note: i know we all just want this damn reconciliation already LMAO !! don't worry, i don't think they'll suffer for much longer (hopefully). again, thank you all for reading and i hope you share all your thoughts and opinions about these idiots because i always enjoy the yap sessions 🙂‍↕️🫶🏼

taglist: @rpwprpwprpwprw @livinluvl @puppybunnyjkay @mimi1097 @bumblebee-21s-blog @koosluvss @sou-17 @svnbangtansworld @junecat18 @shrek-the-destroyer @tastykookoonut @sturniolowrld @palomanazareth @chimmisbae @daskewl @ramyun-h @heyitsroshni @matryoshka-poetry @almatiarau @gukkie7 @ambiee3 @blueberriesm @milkk1400 @yuriouki @lovelovethebeatles @somehowukook @deedeeps @emily-hung @jkaxl @bhonbhon @bearchermer @annafarrr @in-out-inbetween @123xxx0o @mar-lo-pap @goldenjeonkoo

find tmhtl masterlist here

Three months.

It's been three months since Jungkook left your apartment and you haven't heard from him since. Life has gone on, just barely.

The seasons have shifted, autumn slowly melting into winter, but you still feel stuck in the moment he said 'I love you' and you didn't say it back. You barely eat, only when you really have to. All you do is go to work, sleep and occasionally cry, in varying order. At work, you avoid him like the plague. You already know his lecture schedule, so you do everything you can so that you don't cross paths. It's exhausting but it's easier than seeing his face.

You tell yourself it's for the best and sometimes you actually believe that, but some days are harder than others.

Today's one of those days. Your apartment is silent, save for the occasional hum of the refrigerator or the muted noise coming from the tv you left on as background noise, anything to distract you from the ache in your chest. Miso lays curled up in her little bed, staring out the window to watch the snowfall, occasionally getting up to snuggle with you. Maybe she can feel you need it.

When Jihyo knocks on your door, you almost don't answer, but she has a key saved for emergencies and of course she lets herself in. You should have known she'd come over after you ignored her texts and calls.

"___?" she calls out, her voice laced with concern.

You're in bed, curled under a blanket, your hair a mess and your eyes puffy. You hear her footsteps pause, then the shuffle of her shoes being kicked off before she walks into your bedroom, her face twisting with sympathy as she sinks down beside you.

"Oh, honey," she sighs, brushing some of your hair out of your face. "You look like shit."

You scoff, sitting up in bed. "Thanks. Just what I needed to hear."

She leans into you, her arm looping around your shoulders. "Talk to me, please."

"I messed everything up," you whisper shakily, burying your face in your hands as your emotions start to bubble up to the surface. "I miss him so much, and I had him and then I just...threw it all away."

Jihyo's quiet for a moment, gently rubbing your arm to comfort you before she inevitably scolds you for getting yourself into this predicament. "Well...I love you...but you're a dumbass."

You chuckle weakly, wiping the moisture from your cheeks. "Thanks."

"I mean it, ___. That man loves you. Jungkook is not Sunghoon, you know he's not. He wouldn't do what Sunghoon did to you, no matter what your brain keeps telling you."

You nod, sniffling softly. "I know, but...I just couldn't stop the thoughts. It was like I went into panic mode. I thought Sunghoon loved me, and he still cheated. And now he's someone's husband, soon he'll be someone's father. He couldn't be that man for me because I-"

Jihyo pulls away just enough to face you, her lips pressed into a straight line. "Hey, no. No. What happened with that jackass is not your fault, okay? I won't allow you to blame yourself."

"But what if it was my fault?" you mutter, your voice cracking. "What if I really just wasn't enough for him? What if I'll just end up not being enough for Jungkook either?"

"You are more than enough; do you hear me?" she says firmly. "You are so much more than you will ever know, and Sunghoon didn't cheat because of anything you lacked. He cheated because he's a selfish, spineless coward who didn't deserve you. And I get that it's hard for you to let go and let yourself be loved, but you can't keep running away from your feelings because you're hurting yourself and I know Jungkook's hurting just as much as you are."

You wipe your cheeks with the sleeve of your hoodie, looking down like a little kid being lectured. "He told me he loved me," you whisper, feeling the weight of your guilt settle in your chest. She already knows because you've told her about twenty times. It's more so to remind yourself that he loves you.

"I know he did," Jihyo murmurs, gently stroking your hair. "Tae told me he went over to Jungkook's place. He's worried about him too."

You groan, hugging your knees to your chest, your face crumbling. "I ruined everything."

"You didn't ruin everything."

"Well, it's been three months, Ji. It's too late," you groan, feeling a fresh wave of tears coming on.

"Don't say that. It's not too late," she sighs, rubbing your back. "But you might have to fight to make this right."

-

It's as if everyone around you secretly planned an intervention to get you out of this funk because a few days after Jihyo's visit, there's another knock at your door. The last person you expected to see at your front door is your mom, mostly because she prefers to call around a hundred times before she visits to let you know how excited she is to see you, yet there she is with a bag of groceries in her hand and a scowl on her face. It's her you're-not-eating-enough face.

She walks in like she owns the place, puts the bag on the kitchen counter and starts unpacking the groceries.

"Mom, you didn't have to-"

"I know," she cuts you off. "But Jihyo texted me saying you've barely gotten out of bed, your fridge is empty, and you're pale as a ghost. So, here I am." She raises a brow. "Now sit and tell me what happened."

You blink. "How do you know something happened?"

She pulls out a cutting board and a knife from one of the kitchen drawers. "I know you, ___. I'm your mother. Now spill, I can dice and listen at the same time."

You're an adult. You shouldn't be crying to your mom about a breakup that you caused with a man who was never even your boyfriend to begin with, but you're vulnerable and you can't deny her when she looks at you like that, so you reluctantly sit down at the kitchen island and let out a deep sigh.

"I met someone."

That causes her eyebrows to raise. "A man?"

You nod, looking down at your hands in your lap. "His name is Jungkook. He's...amazing," you sigh. "Sweet. Funny. Gentle...and things were going great...and then I broke things off with him because I thought it would just turn out like how it did with...Sunghoon."

She remains quiet until the mention of his name, her eyes narrowing. "God, that little shit," she mutters, chopping an onion with slightly more force than necessary. "I never liked him, ___. He was too smug for my taste. Always acted like he was doing you a favour by just existing. And he always wore too much gel in his hair. Bastard."

You let out a genuine laugh.

"He's married now. His wife is pregnant."

She keeps her eyes down, focused on chopping a few carrots and leeks for some soup. "Poor girl. I hope she has a good lawyer."

"Mom!"

"What? Once a cheater, always a cheater. That's my firm belief."

You sigh, replaying everything in your head for the millionth time, the way Sunghoon cheated, the way it felt to be with Jungkook, the look in his eyes when you broke his heart.

"He loves me. Jungkook...he loves me," you murmur, your voice growing softer, more vulnerable.

Your mom sets down the knife and turns her full attention to you, letting out a deep sigh. She hates seeing you like this. It's like when you were eight and cried because someone cut your hair in class, except now she can't kick anyone's ass for you. All she can do is give you advice and pray you take it.

"Well then maybe it's time you put on your big-girl underwear and take a risk. You can't keep punishing yourself for what Sunghoon did to you. Sweetheart, I say this because I love you more than life itself and I know you need to hear it...it's time to move on. If this Jungkook boy is the good guy you think he is, then be with him. If it doesn't turn out the way you would like, then you get up and you move on again. Life doesn't stand still, ___. Stop forcing yourself to stand still."

You nod slowly, taking a moment to process her words.

"Do you love him?" She asks as if she doesn't already know the answer just by the look on your face.

"I do."

She nods and goes back to chopping. "Then fix it. But first eat. Nothing good ever happens on an empty stomach."

For Jungkook, it's been three months of what feels quite close to hell. He thought about calling or texting maybe a hundred times, maybe more. Sometimes he finds his thumb hovering over your name in his contacts, aching to type something, anything just to hear from you. Just to make sure you're okay, because he's not.

He stops himself every time. You made your choice, and he can't force himself into your life when you so clearly pushed him out of it. Now, the only thing he has left is the space you used to take up, your absence woven into every part of his routine.

He sees you at work sometimes, briefly, always at a distance. You never look at him. You used to smile at him from across the hallway with a sparkle in your eye, something unspoken dancing between the two of you. It was exhilarating, getting to have that part of you. Now it's like you've erased him, so he tries to erase you too.

He finds that to be harder than he thought it would.

He misses your laugh and your late-night texts. He misses receiving photos of Miso at random times throughout the day. He misses the way you'd tease him for always picking the worst snacks at the vending machine, and how you'd always steal some of it anyway.

He misses you today more than other days.

When he gets home from work, he heads straight for the shower. He stands under the stream of hot water, head bowed, hands braced against the wall.

He hasn't cried since the day he walked out of your apartment. He's been strong for three months, but he can't be strong today. He doesn't cry right away, but it comes eventually. Quiet at first, then harder. The kind of crying that leaves you breathless.

He presses his forehead to the cold tile, the water masking the sound of his heartbreak. He cries until the water turns cold because he knows that he has to be strong again once he steps out of the shower and faces reality.

"Bam," Jungkook sighs as he collapses onto the couch, his hair still damp from the shower. "Why am I so pathetic?"

Bam looks up from his spot on the rug, his tail wagging.

Jungkook rubs his hands over his face before staring up at the ceiling. "I told her I loved her, you know."

Bam sits up straight, blinking at him like he's listening intently.

"She just stood there. Didn't say it back. Made me look like an idiot for loving her," he scoffs humourlessly.

Bam lets out a soft huff of air before getting up and padding over to rest his chin on Jungkook's knee, staring up at him with gigantic brown eyes.

Jungkook gives a weak chuckle. "You get it. At least you don't run away when I tell you how I feel," he sighs, scratching behind Bam's ears, his voice dropping to a whisper.

"I don't know what to do, bud. I don't know how to stop missing her."

-

He wakes up on the couch two hours later after unknowingly dozing off, the sound of his doorbell pulling him from his slumber. He groans and drags himself to the front door, seeing Taehyung's annoying little smile on the other end.

"My beautiful tragic hero!" Taehyung grins, holding up a bag of fast food. "I brought burgers and unsolicited emotional guidance."

Jungkook blinks. "Please go away."

"Nope."

Taehyung walks in through the front door, immediately dropping the bag of food on the coffee table and pulling out greasy takeout containers.

Jungkook sighs, shutting the door. "I'm not hungry."

"Too bad," he shrugs, opening the containers to reveal two sloppy burgers.

"Tae, I-"

"Eat," he mutters firmly, leaving no room for argument. "Or I'll spoon-feed you while making extended eye contact."

Jungkook glares at him. "That's harassment."

"Call HR."

Eventually, he gives in, walking over to sit next to Taehyung, his best friend kicking his feet up with a victorious look on his face.

They eat in silence for a while until Taehyung finally speaks up.

"So..." he starts slowly. "How're you feeling?"

Jungkook lets out a bitter laugh. "I think I broke my own heart. I told her I loved her, Tae."

Taehyung nods. "Yeah. Heard that part."

"She didn't say it back, just stood there."

"Sounds like fear," Taehyung murmurs.

Jungkook scoffs. "Sounds like rejection."

Taehyung glances at him. "You think she doesn't love you?"

He doesn't answer.

"Well, I think she does," Taehyung murmurs, his voice softer now. "I think she's just been carrying so much hurt from her past that she doesn't know how to hold onto anything good without expecting it to slip through her fingers."

Jungkook stares at the ceiling, swallowing hard. "Why didn't she say it back?"

"Because she thought she didn't deserve you."

"She said I don't know her," Jungkook scoffs. "Not the real her...just the parts she lets me see."

Taehyung glances at him, chewing slowly. "Well…do you think that's true?"

Jungkook hesitates, letting out a deep sigh. "I don't know. Maybe? But that doesn't mean I wouldn't have tried."

"Of course it doesn’t," Taehyung murmurs gently. "She's scared. When people are scared, they run or say shitty things they don't mean."

Jungkook leans back, running a hand through his hair. "I just wish I knew how to reach her. How to make her see I'm not going anywhere."

"You can't force someone see that, Kook," Taehyung sighs. "If she's smart and realizes how good you are to her…she'll come back."

Jungkook stares up at the ceiling, his appetite long gone. "What if she doesn't?"

Taehyung pauses.

"Then you cry. I hold your hand. We open a wine bar in Spain and raise sheep."

Jungkook snorts. "You're scared of sheep."

"Exactly," he nods, taking a big bite of his burger. "So let's not get to that point, okay?"

Jungkook rolls his eyes but there's an amused smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Truthfully, he appreciates the company more than he lets on. The ache in his chest hasn't gone away, but it feels a little lighter now. Maybe not healed, just…bandaged.

They sit in silence for a moment, the weight of it all settling between them. Thenー

"You cried in the shower, didn't you?" Taehyung asks, giving him a teasing little grin.

Jungkook glares, setting his half-eaten burger back on the coffee table. "Shut up."

"It's okay. It's romantic. Very K-Drama male lead in episode sixteen."

"Dude, shut up."

"I bet you stared out the window to watch the rain falling."

"Seriously, I will throw you out."

Taehyung grins, unfazed. "Only love can hurt like this, my friend."

Jungkook groans, burying his face in a cushion.

"Alright," Taehyung claps once before setting his empty burger container aside and stretching his arms above his head with a dramatic groan. "We need to get you out of this sad-boy cave."

Jungkook's eyebrows raise. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me." Taehyung stands up and puts his hands on his hips, looking determined. "You need to get out. Let's go somewhere, see people, let your liver suffer a little. It's good for character development."

"I'm not really in the mood for a bar crawl," Jungkook scoffs.

"I didn't say bar crawl. Just…come get a drink with me." Taehyung shrugs. "Talk to someone who isn't your dog or a bag of chips. First drink's on me."

"I'm not-" Jungkook starts but stops himself.

The truth is…he's not okay, and maybe pretending to be okay in public with Taehyung beside him is better than pretending to be okay in here, alone.

He sighs before he can talk himself out of it. "Yeah. Okay. Just give me a sec."

"Perfect!" Taehyung grins, looking pleasantly surprised that he didn't have to resort to drastic measures. He pulls his phone out of his jeans' pocket to check the time, when he sees the battery's low.

"Hey, can I borrow your charger? My phone's on 3% and Jihyo might wonder why I'm not replying to her texts all night."

Jungkook gestures vaguely. "It's in the bedroom, plugged in near the desk."

"Cool," Taehyung calls over his shoulder as he disappears down the hall.

The bedroom is dim, only faint light spilling in through the half-drawn curtains. Taehyung finds the charger easily, plugged into the wall by Jungkook's desk, but as he bends down to grab it, something catches his eye.

A box.

It's not large, not hidden exactly, but shoved just far enough under the desk that it looks like it was placed there deliberately.

Taehyung's curiosity gets the better of him.

"Sorry in advance," he mumbles under his breath, crouching down and sliding the box out with a quiet scrape.

He opens it and his breath almost catches in his throat. Inside, there are letters. Dozens of them, folded neatly, some creased at the edges from being opened and read too many times. All in Jungkook's unmistakable handwriting. Every single one addressed to the same name.

Taehyung picks one up and unfolds it carefully.

'You smiled at me today in the hallway. I forgot how to breathe for a second. I know I'm supposed to pretend we're just friends, but God, it's getting harder by the day. Sometimes I look at you and I think, if I don’t tell you what you mean to me, my chest might actually explode.'

He reads another. This one is from four years ago.

'You made fun of my tie today. Said it looked like something a dad would wear to a third-grade parent-teacher meeting. I pretended to be offended, but I haven't stopped smiling since. I think you're my favourite part of the staff lounge. You bring your own tea bags, and you always share them without me even asking. You smell like vanilla, and you have this way of looking at people like you already know their stories but you're letting them tell you anyway. I don't know why I'm writing this. I think maybe it's because I'm starting to like you, which is…inconvenient. But also kind of wonderful.'

And then another. This one Taehyung assumes he wrote a while after their trip to Jeju.

'I keep thinking about that night on the beach in Jeju when you told me about your ex. I wanted to tell you I loved you right then and there, but I couldn't. I didn't know if I was allowed to. If you'd allow me to, I'd love you in every way he never did. I'd give you everything he couldn't. I don't know all the details about what happened between you two, but I'd like to. I'd like to know everything and anything about you, about your past and what you want your future to be. I hope you see me in your future. I see you in mine.'

He exhales slowly, feeling stunned. He knew Jungkook had feelings for you, obviously. But this? This is something else entirely. This is the kind of love poets write about. Quiet, aching love.

He hears footsteps and quickly sets the letters back inside, tucking the lid over the box just as Jungkook appears in the doorway.

"You good?" Jungkook asks, completely oblivious.

Taehyung straightens up, holding up the charger like nothing happened. "Yeah. Got it. Get changed so we can go get that drink," he claps a hand on Jungkook's shoulder and walks back to the living room.

But inside, he's reeling. Now more than ever, he knows that you still have no idea how much this man loves you, and he's determined to get you to understand the weight of the situation.

The bar is buzzing with the low thrum of old rock songs and the clinking of glasses. It's comfortably crowded, full of people who keep to themselves. Jungkook slouches against the bar counter, nursing his second whiskey.

Taehyung is beside him, elbow propped lazily on the counter, animatedly recounting a ridiculous student essay about Romeo and Juliet being a cautionary tale about teenage hormones.

Jungkook tries to laugh. He really does, but even with the warmth of the alcohol spreading through his limbs, all he can think about is you.

He wonders what you're doing right now.

If you're okay.

If you miss him at all.

The door swings open behind them, and he doesn't look, doesn't care, until Taehyung suddenly shifts, his body language growing stiff.

"You've gotta be kidding me," Taehyung mutters.

Jungkook blinks. "What?"

"Look who's here."

And then—

"Jungkook?!"

Hana. Of course she's here as well.

He turns just in time to see her weaving her way through the crowd, with glossy lips and an overly excited smile, eyes lighting up like Christmas when she reaches him. She walked in with a group of women, but she can't be bothered to stay with them when Jungkook of all people is here.

"Wow," she drawls as she reaches their table, arms crossed over her chest. "Didn't expect to see you out. Where's ___?"

Her tone is syrupy and sarcastic, and it grates against him.

Taehyung scoffs. "Nice to see you too, Hana."

Jungkook keeps his eyes downcast, his chest aching. "___'s not here."

Hana raises a perfectly groomed brow, feigning surprise. "Oh? Don't tell me it's over? Did she dump you?"

He doesn't respond. That's enough of an answer.

Hana's eyes widen dramatically, but there's an unmistakable flash of delight in them. She sits down next to him, her hand strategically brushing against his bicep. "Oh, wow. Didn't see that coming." She scoffs. "Well, actually…maybe I did."

Taehyung clears his throat sharply. "Hana."

"What?" She smiles innocently. "Just being honest."

Jungkook sighs, too weary to argue. Hana pushes a shot toward him with a gentle, insistent nudge. "Come on, Jungkook. Drink with me. You could use it."

He eyes the tiny glass hesitantly, but the ache in his chest feels too big, too loud. He picks it up, clinking it against hers.

"To new beginnings," she grins.

He downs the shot, wincing at the burn in his throat.

One shot turns to two, and then three, and before long, the room is slowly spinning around him. Hana leans close, her voice soft against his ear. "You okay?" she whispers, her fingers lightly brushing against his thigh under the bar counter.

He nods slowly, words slurring slightly. "Just…hot in here."

Hana quickly takes the opportunity, getting up from the stool and gently tugging him along. "Come on, let's get some fresh air. It'll make you feel better."

"Jungkook," Taehyung warns, but he's too late. Jungkook's already halfway out the door, following Hana blindly into the cool night air.

The air outside the bar is cold, but Jungkook barely feels it. He leans back against the brick wall, the alcohol buzzing behind his eyes, thoughts swimming in slow circles. Hana stands beside him, watching his side profile, her gaze unreadable.

"You actually loved her, huh?" she asks. Her voice is gentler now, no teasing, no sarcasm.

Jungkook doesn't look at her. He nods once. "Still do."

Hana hums, like that answer doesn't surprise her. "You always looked at her like she was the only one in the room."

He closes his eyes. "Because she was."

There's a long pause, neither one of them saying anything, the sound of the city echoing around them, slightly muffled behind the building.

Hana steps closer to him. "She didn't deserve you."

He finally turns his head to look at her. "You don't even know her."

"I know she left you," Hana says simply. "I don't have to know what she did to know she broke your heart. I can see it in your eyes."

He hesitates, looking away. "That doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters," she mutters softly, stepping even closer. "You deserve someone who won't leave you feeling like this. Someone who's been here all along.

Jungkook's chest tightens, your absence throbbing like a fresh wound. Hana moves to stand in front of him, fingertips slowly trailing down the front of his shirt.

"I've always been here, Jungkook," she murmurs, her eyes following her fingers. "Waiting. Hoping you'd finally see me."

He shifts slightly, the wall cold against his back. "Hana, don't-"

"I can make you forget her," she breathes, her eyes intense, searching his face. "Let me."

Before he can register what's happening, her lips are on his. It's not soft or tentative. It's desperate. She presses herself against him, hands sliding up his chest, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. And for a moment, for a second too long, he lets her.

He kisses her back. Hard. Needing to feel something. Anything.

Her fingers thread into his hair, tugging him down as she presses her mouth to his with bruising intensity. Her chest pushes against his, warm and insistent, and he lets himself drown in the sensation because it's easier than thinking about what he's lost.

Her mouth trails down his jaw, hot breaths painting his skin. "I've always wanted this," she whispers. "Always wanted you."

He grits his teeth, hands clutching her hips as her lips trail down to his collarbone. "We don't have to talk about it," she breathes out. "Just…let go. Let me make you forget her."

As Hana trails her mouth along his neck, breath hot against his pulse point, Jungkook's mind slowly begins to clear just enough to realize how deeply wrong this all is. The warmth he felt a second ago vanishes, replaced by shame, guilt, and the sting of regret.

He firmly grasps her wrists, pulling her hands away from his body, breathing heavily.

"Hana, stop. I...I can't do this."

She pulls back sharply, eyes narrowing. "What's wrong now?"

He shakes his head, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I thought...I don't know. This isn't fair to you."

Hana scoffs, folding her arms defensively across her chest. "Don't patronize me, Jungkook. This is exactly what you wanted. You kissed me back."

"I know," he sighs, shame weighing on his chest. "And I shouldn't have. It was a mistake."

She steps forward, anger flaring in her eyes. "Why? Is it because of ___? Are you really still stuck on her after she left you?"

"Yes," he says simply. "I love her, Hana."

She laughs bitterly, disbelief clear in her voice. "God, you're pathetic, Jungkook. She literally broke your heart. She doesn't care about you!"

His jaw clenches tightly. "You don't know anything about what happened."

Hana rolls her eyes, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Oh, please. Are you going to tell me she's a victim? She wasn't good enough for you, Jungkook."

Anger ignites in his chest, his frustration finally boiling over. "Don't talk about her like that."

"Why not? It's the truth," she snaps. "You deserve someone better, someone who'll treat you right. She'll never be able to love you the way you need-"

"Enough!" Jungkook's voice is sharp, cutting through the night air. He creates space between them, his eyes blazing with anger he's never shown her before. "You have no idea what you're talking about. You don't even know her. You don't get to decide what she deserves, or what I deserve."

Hana's eyes widen, startled by his intensity. "Jungkook-"

"You think I didn't notice?" he continues, voice trembling with suppressed frustration and anger. "The way you treated her in Jeju, the way you purposely tripped her on the beach. And for what? Because you were jealous? I held my tongue because I didn't want to make a scene but-"

Her cheeks flush in annoyance and embarrassment, cutting him off before he can go any further. "Jealous? Of her? She's nothing special!"

"You're wrong," Jungkook mutters, the anger fading into sadness. "She's everything, and I was an idiot for letting you disrespect her for so long."

Hana's eyes fill with tears, her frustration spilling out. "Why can't you see that I'm right in front of you? I've always been here for you. Always. Yet you'd rather chase after someone who doesn't even want you back?"

He takes a steadying breath, his gaze softening slightly, but the resolve doesn't leave his eyes. "I'm sorry, Hana. I never wanted to hurt you...but you were never going to be her."

She flinches as if he's physically struck her. "Fine," she whispers bitterly, voice breaking slightly. "You'll regret this eventually."

"No," Jungkook mutters firmly, though his voice is softer now. "The only thing I regret is letting things get this far tonight. You deserve someone who can really love you, and that person isn't me."

She stares at him, eyes filled with hurt, shaking her head. "Whatever, Jungkook. I hope she breaks your heart again. Maybe then you'll finally wake up."

He watches as she storms off, disappearing around the corner. Jungkook sinks down against the wall, pressing his head back, heart hammering in his chest. He sits in the silence, shame and guilt heavy on his chest. Despite everything, he still feels you, still misses you.

And even now, more than ever, he knows he'd rather have the ache of loving you than feel nothing at all.

Jungkook steps back into the bar, the loud music and chatter immediately washing over him, dizzying and overwhelming. His heart feels heavier than before, regret still bitter on his tongue.

Taehyung immediately straightens when he sees him approach, concern evident in his expression.

"Hey," he murmurs cautiously, eyes searching Jungkook's face. "You okay? Where's Hana?"

Jungkook slumps down onto the stool next to Taehyung, reaching for his drink and downing what remains without responding. The burn in his throat grounds him a little, but it's not enough to clear his head completely.

Taehyung sighs deeply, leaning in. "Kook, talk to me. What happened out there?"

He shakes his head slowly, staring down at the empty glass. "I fucked up, Tae."

"How bad?"

"Pretty bad." Jungkook rubs his eyes tiredly. "We kissed."

Taehyung's eyebrows shoot up in surprise, but he waits quietly, giving him time to explain.

"It got…heated," Jungkook admits, shame creeping into his voice. "I let it happen because...fuck, I just wanted to stop hurting for five seconds, but it didn't help. It felt wrong. It felt like I was betraying..."

"___," Taehyung nods.

Jungkook sighs miserably. "Yeah."

Taehyung sits back, looking at him thoughtful. "How'd Hana take it?"

"Badly," he mutters bitterly. "She spoke shit about ___ and I...kinda snapped. I finally told her how I feel. I don't think we'll be seeing much of her from now on."

"How do you think Jisoo will feel when Hana tells her you broke her heart?" Taehyung asks, though he knows that's not really a priority right now.

Jungkook grimaces. "I hope she'll understand. Eventually. She always does."

Taehyung gives him a sympathetic smile. "Yeah, she probably will. She's always been more level-headed than her sister."

Jungkook sighs deeply, running his fingers through his hair. "Tonight was a mistake."

"Then let's end it here," Taehyung suggests, calling the bartender over to pay for their drinks. "Come on, let's get you home."

Jungkook nods reluctantly, feeling exhaustion tugging harshly at his bones. "Yeah, let's go."

-

By the time their Uber pulls up outside Jungkook's place, he's swaying on his feet, eyes heavy with alcohol and sadness. Taehyung keeps a hand firmly on his shoulder, carefully guiding him inside.

"Drink some water," Taehyung instructs firmly as they step inside. "And take an aspirin. Trust me."

Jungkook nods weakly, pointing towards the bathroom. "It's in the cabinet. Medicine. You know where it is."

Taehyung chuckles softly. "Yeah, I know. Go lie down, I'll be right back."

When Taehyung returns, a glass of water and an aspirin in hand, he finds Jungkook already face down on the bed, fully clothed, breathing steady with sleep.

"Of course," Taehyung sighs with amusement, placing the water and aspirin on the nightstand.

He watches his friend for a moment, chest tightening at the sight of him so clearly hurting. The heaviness of Jungkook's pain is tangible, filling the room, almost suffocating him.

"Everything will work out, bud," Taehyung whispers softly, almost too soft to hear.

As he turns to leave, his eyes catch on the box tucked beneath Jungkook's desk.

That damn box. He just can't seem to stop thinking about it.

He knows he shouldn't, knows Jungkook would kill him for snooping, but he has a plan. One he's certain Jungkook's pride and fear would never let him execute himself.

Carefully, Taehyung picks up the box, glancing at Jungkook's sleeping figure one last time with a deep sigh.

"Sorry, buddy," he murmurs, turning towards the door. "You'll thank me later."

You wrap your coat tighter around your body, letting out a cold puff of air. The campus is quiet as you make your way along the paved pathway, a light dusting of the early evening snow sprinkling over you. Your footsteps echo throughout the parking lot, slowing down as you reach into your bag, rummaging around for your car keys as you approach your car.

"Evening, professor."

The baritone voice startles you, your head snapping up to find Taehyung leaning casually against the car parked directly beside yours. He gives you an innocent, slightly amused smile. He looks casual, at ease, but you know him well enough to sense there's something behind that smile.

"Taehyung," you sigh, your hand pressed against your racing heart. "You scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry," he chuckles, pushing himself off the side of the car to stand upright. "Didn't mean to. Who would've guessed we parked right next to each other?"

You manage a faint smile, tilting your head knowingly. "Yeah, what a coincidence."

Taehyung chuckles softly, watching you walk over to the driver's side of your car. "You heading home?"

You nod slowly. "Long day. You?"

He shrugs, giving a playful sigh. "About to head off to dinner with Jihyo. She's forcing me to eat some questionable TikTok pasta recipe. I'm probably risking my life."

You can't help the soft laugh that escapes your lips. "The one with the feta?"

He groans dramatically. "Always the feta."

He smiles warmly, his eyes containing something gentle. A brief silence falls between the two of you before he speaks again, this time his voice is softer, more careful.

"Hey, um..." Taehyung hesitates briefly, something unreadable in his expression. "How…how are you doing? Really?"

Your throat tightens slightly, knowing exactly what he's asking. You shift your weight nervously, avoiding his eyes.

"Honestly?" you whisper, voice barely audible. "Been better."

He nods understandingly, pausing again before adding, "He's not doing so great either."

Your breath catches at the mention of him, his face flashing through your brain like a taunting reminder of what you did. Your heartbeat quickens, your stomach twists, and suddenly it feels hard to breathe.

You finally look up at Taehyung, eyes wide and vulnerable. "He…he's not?"

Taehyung’s gaze softens even further, sympathy clear in his eyes. "He's trying to get through it. But he misses you, ___. A lot."

The thought of Jungkook hurting silently, all alone, it makes your chest ache even more painfully. "Will you tell him…" You hesitate, your voice cracking. "No. Never mind."

Taehyung nods, a soft smile settling on his face. "He knows, ___."

You look away, discreetly wiping at your eyes, embarrassed at how emotional you've gotten. "Thanks, Tae. Really. For looking out for him."

"Always. He's my best friend," he murmurs softly. He shifts on his feet, glancing toward his car. It's now or never.

"Actually…I have something for you."

You blink at him, looking a bit confused. "For me?"

"Yeah." Taehyung opens the passenger door of his car and reaches in, pulling out a worn cardboard box, carefully sealed shut. When he hands it to you, his expression is unreadable, guarded.

"What's this?" you ask softly, heart beating unevenly as you cradle the box in your hands.

"It's from Jungkook," he shrugs. "Sort of."

You stare down at the box, fingers trembling slightly. "I don't understand... What's inside?"

"Just…open it when you get home," he mumbles, looking a little nervous about doing this behind his best friend's back.

You nod, heart pounding, breath shallow. You don't know what to say, or even how to feel, only that whatever this box holds, it feels like it could break you wide open.

Taehyung takes a step back, offering you one last soft smile. "You gonna be okay?"

You nod slowly, blinking away the tears that have started forming. "I think so."

He smiles reassuringly. "Good. Drive safe, okay?"

"You too," you whisper, staring down at the box in your hands. "Tell Jihyo I said hi."

"I will," he calls out, heading over to the driver's side of his car. "Night, ___."

You watch as he climbs into his car and drives off. You remain standing in the parking lot, the box pressed tightly to your chest, heart pounding against the cardboard.

You don't open it, but already, your hands are trembling, and it's not because of the winter air. You take a deep, shaky breath and place the box on the passenger seat of your car, staring at it for what feels like an eternity before reluctantly starting the engine and driving off.

Whatever's in that box, you'll face it head on. No more standing still.

< Part 6.5 || Part 8 >

[ladyloveandjustice]

I had to cut myself off from binge-reading the comics from that Jason doc out of intense curiosity, but I forgot how extremely funny it is when comics cannot decide if they want a character to be an antagonist or ally and just settle with constantly swinging them back and forward all the time which is 100% what they keep doing with Jason and it's just so unintentionally comical if you skip around and binge-skim a bunch of comics it's like

"Ok Bruce I won't kill people"

"Good"

Jason: "I changed my mind actually"

Bruce: "JASON YOU PROMISED!!!"

Jason: wait I've changed my mind again!!! I never realized killing people actually meant I could potentially orphan children like how I was orphaned.

Bruce: how...how did you not realize that until now??*

Jason: idk!!! anyway no killing for me for a while I'm gonna go hang out with Catwoman she's cooler than you anyway (Jason you are so correct)

Bruce: no I'm upset. how about If I drug you so anytime you feel like you need to fight you'll be overcome with crippling fear. I think that's a cool and fun and smart thing to do to my son who already has really bad PTSD from that one time he was brutally tortured and murdered and totally not a great way to get him killed again.

Jason: Bruce???? what the fuck?? (does immediately almost die)

Selina: Bruce??? what the fuck???

Me: Bruce??? what the fuck???

Dick: it's okay Bruce is being affected by some mind altering/controlling/whatever thing that happened in some issue you didn't read. Probably. Maybe. let's all stay 50 feet away from him for a while.

Me: wow. well what was even the point of all that then. I guess they decided Batman needed to be a loner again like they do every six months only to take it back later.

Lmao I'm so relieved I don't have to keep up with comics anymore this is such a roller coaster, WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING, how would I even explain to a normal person. Glad to confirm comics are as much of a mess as ever. A mess I have lingering nostalgic affection for but. a mess.

*(I actually did find this arc pretty compelling, Jason running into a kid that had roughly his exact backstory, going to find the dad, and just killing him when he finds out he's an abusive peace of shit who's been drugging his kid, but then being like "holyshitholyshit I didn't ask this kid permission if I could kill his Dad I was still pretty upset when my abusive Dad died and if his mom dies from the overdose I've orphaned him just like me and he'd go to the State and I know all the fucked up things that can happen to you there aaaaa" I mean it's good drama and development, it's just. when you sit down and thinks about it. the concept he'd never thought of it before until he was confronted with a kid in his exact situation is just kind of unintentionally funny. I know realistically he could know that intellectually but not like, have it sink in until he actually met a kid, and that's what they were going for, but it's still very funny.

Like this implies that if Batman had ever just sat down and been like "Jason. you realize bad people have families right. You were upset when Two Face killed your Dad even though he sucked remember?" Jason would have been like "omg you're right" and we would have saved SO MUCH TIME.)

(I respect that Bruce didn't actually call him out on it and instead focused on the problem at hand too bc I would not have been mature enough to do that. Rare Bruce Wayne parenting W.)

(Also the part where Jason was like "you know I've grown used to letting down Bruce because I do that all the time but letting Babs down has me WRACKED with guilt" like Jason I totally get that. I'd feel the same way.)

anyway comics are dangerous I could get addicted all over again while complaining about half of what I read I was literally reading all day again I'M CUTTING MYSELF OFF.)

[unluckilyimnot]

S/o with (a lot of) tattoos

afab!reader and age-up characters ! I don't see them dating someone their age covered with tattoo lmao

Note: i think like, around 10 here bc I have over 20 tattoos but it's OK if you have a few, it works for everyone <3

m.list | rules

Sakura

He's scared you get dirty look on the street but he's relief when he notices you don't care at all

He finds it really cool but was shy to tell you at first or even ask question

If you got some on the chest/belly he's scared to look at it at first, he doesn't want to look like a pervert

You tell him he is just to mess around with him

He'll love tracing the pattern of your arms, even if his favorite is one on your belly

Doesn't get ask how he pulled you, it just make sense

He's flustered if someone looks at you for too long and starts talking to you bc of it, ‘cause yeah you look good but do they have to get so close?

He likes deep, black ones ! But his favorite is probably a small snoopy or something like that

Suo

Looks at you all the time, he doesn't even listen when you're around

He loves seeing you sleeveless

If you have an acubi/baddie style it's even better bc in summer it shows it all and he's here for that

You call him out from time to time but he always hits you with something like ‘you shouldn't look that good then’

Can't really stand it of someone starts at you though, even if it happens a lot

He gets protective/possessive real quick

It's a nightmare when he comes with you, you don't want to be tattooed by man just in case

You seem out of place with his very demure allure but it does match well in the end

You two stand out enough to balance each other and neither of you seem “bland”

Kiss the one in your chest and hands

If you have any type of flowers, it's his favorite I don't make the rules

Bonus point if there's color (like red one)

Nirei

He has a list in order of what you did when

Also has a top of them all

He doesn't have a preference, he goes with the flow and find you pretty doesn't matter what type of tattoos you have

Love small ones better, around your arms or maybe your back

You look more intimidating than he does now but it's nothing to mention really, he still protects you if needed <3

He talks about you all. the. time, he just thinks you're so cool

He answers for you when you get questions about your tattoos, you have to tell him kindly that you can handle yourself

But sometimes he remembers better than you

Kiryuu

HE LOVES IT

He wants to hear all about it, where did you go, did it hurt, which one was the most painful and why

Ask you to come with him for his first one

You know his top5 by now

He loves to come with you at your appointments

He'd be down for any colored one !! Had blue and pink and yellow he loves it

You're a stylish couple for sure

So he doesn't mind the intrusive stares, he's over it and take it as a compliment

If you have piercing as well, he would marry you

He'd love to see a colored/stylish Korean style on you

He'd looove matching tattoos, he'd think about it for so long

Kaji

Listens to you talking about it, he doesn't have much questions and I don't think he'll want some but he gladly hear about it

He loves the bigger ones, when you mention how many hours you've spent on it he's flabbergasted

You're so tough in his eyes just for that

Loves to touch your new tattoos during the healing time, feeling the pattern is the best sensory stim

He's curious and come with you once, it was the only time, it's too long for him and he doesn't like the sound

He's mad if you don't tell him you'll get a new one before hand and he discovers it at the same time as everyone

Hiragi

Tells you you don't have space anymore, only half joking

He's stressed when you get a new one and is cautious about taking care of it during the healing time as if you don't have 10+ already

He doesn't want to come inside with you, but he takes you there and he's there waiting for you by the end of the appointment

He hates when you touch it while it's healing and REFUSES to touch it even if you insist

But he finds it really cool, he loves your style and the harmony

If you have some on the back, he'll definitely let you know it's his favorite

He knows you can handle yourself, but that doesn't mean he's not stressed about it

Umemiya

He think you're so cool, he might have fall for you because of your style as well

Even if he gets beat up all the time, he think you're courageous for getting tattoos because it seems to hurt a lot

If you're the meaningful tattoos type, he wants to know everything behind it

If it start some deep conversation, he'd be down for it

It's yet another way to know a person he never thought of but he loves it

Trace your tattoos as well, he can still feel the line on your skin with some of them so he tend to focus there

If you come back with a lower back tattoo, don't expect him to get over it

[tamsiblings]

for posterity's sake: these thoughts were originally sent as messages but i have edited them for slightly more coherence (if it can be called that) and expanded on them.

anyways ALL of this SO MUCH forever.

i really LOVE what you said about simon’s relationship to the law first of all lmao. “yeah I’m a perfectly law abiding citizen, we should all - oh what’s that the government is torturing my little sister? oh, they're unethical and not what I thought they were? and victimize vulnerable people? like darling angel river? HIGH LEVEL TREASON IS MY ONLY RECOURSE.” and like, he's not WRONG for that, lmao, proportional and necessary response. the switch is just also. a little funny. in many ways he is such an extremely all or nothing person; break no laws or break SO MANY LAWS; fight tooth or nail to survive (so he can help river and more importantly keep her) alive but when that seems impossible, threaten to DIE FOR AND/OR WITH HER. and as you mentioned, it's something that really applies to his relationship with kaylee, too. i go back and forth on how self-aware i think simon is (i lean largely actually pretty self-aware, though it depends on the subject, and he certainly has blind spots), but i think he's actually pretty aware of his whole intense all or nothing MO. he KNOWS that if he were to more actively pursue a relationship with kaylee, he would just be like, so fucking In It. (and what if i said if the relationship had been allowed a full arc they would have gone for the whole "she fell first but he fell harder" trope. not that he cares MORE but just like. kaylee is used to all her feelings because she's been letting herself have them whole time. simon's been holding back, but as soon as they start actually dating? (or even if the show had simply gone on longer and the pining really set in?) he's SMACKED with the intensity of what he's feeling all at once.) because in actuality, i think he's someone who really values connection, even though he doesn't always know how to have it. and in this case, he's REALLY scared by his own tendency toward the "all" side of things, because as you say here - i think he's really scared of leading her on when he knows he may have to leave!! and that's a pretty significant part of what's holding him back, because he doesn't want to hurt in that way. and a little bit (because i'm always in my simon-tam-has-feelings-dammit era) he's also holding back because he thinks it will hurt him less, too, if/when he and river have to leave, if he doesn't let things get Too Far (in his head.) would it work? well absolutely not. he thinks this, but in actuality he would be devastated. because a) trying to push down what you're feeling doesn't actually make it go away, who'd've thunk b) they're also like... friends already. like they actually get close very quickly, like you said in the "stay here, honey, i don't wanna share" section, they become important to each other quickly, and while some of that is down to attraction and romantic interest, i also think (while deeply frustrating for kaylee, and indicative of simon Overthinking some things), there's a way in which his hesitance lets them develop like... an actual friendship. we see them Just Hanging Out on like 3 occasions - two in jaynestown, once in objects in space (not counting the message because they were clearly testing the romantic waters a bit there dhshsh), and i maintain with how casual their conversation in the hallway is, it seems like they had like... Been hanging out, having one on one conversations, getting to know each other privately. especially because the show does work to establish some time passing between episodes.

and the reputation/performative nature of like, high society and the sphere he lived in on osiris, as well as family obligations, etc. and that he's probably dealt with (certainly at least worried about) people seeking him out only because he was like from a wealthy family, of high status, etc. and while i think it's possible (likely?) that had he stayed on osiris, he would have eventually submitted himself to a relationship that was more about what he was 'supposed' to do and who he was 'supposed' to be with than anything else, i don't think he would have been like... actually that comfortable or happy, living that lifestyle. for as much as i think simon Wanted to fit in with the culture how he was supposed to, and in some ways did, it's also clear to me that in other ways, he was never entirely in tune with it (or what i imagine it was anyway sjsshsoh but i think these are all reasonably conclusions based on what we see.) for one, on the whole, performative, bankrupt relationships level where sure, maybe you care about each other, but it's in many ways conditional - we get a pretty clear sense that simon does not actually mesh with this because. well. if he did, he could've gone right along with his parents, ignoring river's cries for help via the letters, and he loved her way too much for that. for another, for all that simon cares about "being proper", he cannot keep any OPINION to himself to save his LIFE, sjoklijosd, especially when he's angry or stressed out or annoyed, and you're not really... supposed to DO that in high society. not that people don't make rude comments but they're much more subtle and passive aggressive than simon ever really is. like all his snarky comments are very endearing to Me but in actuality much of the time they are what might be deemed inappropriately blunt by others (and here's how i can make this about autistic!simon lmao.) and from the flashbacks, i do think we get a sense that this has always been a little bit true. and finally, on the count of simon not fitting in: i have maintained that i don't think simon has had Much experience in the way of romantic relationships (not none, necessarily, but i think less than kaylee thinks he has, if the message is anything to go by lmao) and while i think that's for a plethora of reasons, one is that i think simon was on some level Aware of how performative the kind of relationship he might be expected to enter would be, and the thought Wearied him. there was a quote describing simon a while back from whedon i'll have to find but it was like "hard to connect with, but at heart, he's a romantic" !!!! and yeah! he is! (also related to his sweet and gentlemanly but ultimately getting-in-his-way ideals jsshshsf) i think the idea of entering that kind of relationship, even knowing what's expected of him (and wanting to do what's expected of him), would be kind of harrowing and something he would strain against/put off. and the kind of earnest, open, honest person kaylee is really speaks to him - he says as much in the message - "you always say what you mean." like, they can just be themselves with each other, and they both like each the better for it. there are some awkward stumbles, sure (and i LIKE that they have those, personally, because it's realistic, given how different their backgrounds and in some ways personalities and communications styles) but i ultimately just believe that they really like each other as people, even outside of their romantic connection.

also LOVE what you said about kaylee trying to reassure him re: the "we can't make any promises, now can we, babe?" lines because Yeah. she's not asking him to make any promises about forever because she knows what his life is. she just thinks (and is right) that it's worth it to enjoy whatever time they CAN have together, go from one day to the next, because that's all any of them can really do.

what is the saylee anthem (and why is it delicate by taylor swift)

[thewhalehastalestoo]

Trying to show and not tell I think gets easier the more life experience you have. I think part of my problem is I don't know shit and so I over explain because I don't know what the fuck I'm talking abt. XD

[lale-txt]

Love the bingo event but 2 cards for readers vs 6 cards for writers is foul, why not more 😭😭😭

is it really foul or do just have no idea how long it takes to write sth

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Chapter 110 is 13 pages long welcome to hell!!! so in a lot of ways this is just more fuel for a theory that I've had for a few weeks now, that's only gotten stronger with each recent season 5 episode, which is that the last episode of the season is gonna end on 110, and that Asagiri/Harukawa and Bones have been collaborating to make this happen, specifically because it's a major turning point that would be the only good place to end the season on.

When we started getting especially long chapters again (like from 25-35ish pages, with the exception of 107.5, the last two being some of the longest we've ever had), at first I just assumed that Asagiri/Harukawa got freed up from some other obligations they'd been having to cause the extremely short/half chapters, like promotional stuff for the anime/Beast movie, or working on light novels. But then 109 happened, with the "supposed" death of Dazai, and heavy emphasis at the end on how literally everyone is at their lowest point right now, and I got to thinking. 11 episodes is a strangely specific number for an anime season -- why not 12, or 13, or even 10, like you'd usually see? Why have we gotten suddenly gotten two 35 page chapters out of nowhere, that's almost unheard of at this point? They're both beautiful chapters, don't get me wrong (as always), and maybe A/H simply just didn't want to cut them in halves because they felt like the full emotional impact wouldn't hit/that there were no good cutoff points in them, but you can't deny that it's surprising, after all the shorter chapters we've been getting. Why has the anime been going at such insanely breakneck pacing for the most part ever since around the Sunday Tragedy chapters, even more so than it has in the past? So much so that it feels dangerously close to overtaking the manga?

Well, maybe, just maybe, it's because..... Asagiri decided a long time ago that whatever happens in 110 is the only point that feels "season finale"-worthy enough, in an arc that still isn't anywhere close to being completely wrapped up, and so both the manga and the anime have been specifically coordinated to reach that part within 2 and a half weeks of each other?

I've seen a lot of people now think season 5 will end with 109, and as much as my sadistic side would find that hilarious, I honestly don't think they'd do that and realistically don't want it to happen; it'd be so cruel to cliffhanger the anime for years like that, and just doesn't feel like a season cliffhanger BSD would do, a series that is ultimately hopeful and uplifting. Seasons 2 and 3 had a positive, conclusive ending; the only reasons seasons 1 and 4 didn't was because they're technically not really full seasons of their own, and are more like the first cour of another "season" that also came out that same year (seasons 1 and 2 both aired in 2016, so they're more like one big season, and seasons 4 and 5 have both aired this year, so they're also more like one big season, again taking into account how episodes 12 and 50 are not satisfying finales like episodes 24, 37, and hypothetically, 61, are). I really can't see season 5 ending with Dazai and Fukuzawa's supposed deaths, Sigma being unconscious and maybe close to death, Atsushi being vulnerable and limbless again, everyone we love still vampires, and the entire world being basically doomed; that's just too depressing and not like BSD at all. However, having said that, if it doesn't end there, there really isn't any good place to end the season before that, either, that feels in any way satisfying or like a finale at all. And so, to me, that only leaves after 109: chapter 110.

I think things are really gonna turn around next chapter. Like I said, everyone is at their lowest point right now, it cannot possibly get any worse, the framing of Dazai, Fukuzawa, and sskk at the end of 109 is telling us that; this is the time for the heroes to finally start winning again, with Aya being so close to pulling out the sword, and for all the thematic reasons other people have talked about to death that I don't need to go into here again. This upcoming chapter being so short again makes a part of me wary of 110 being "the one", so to speak, I won't lie, but at the same time, it's very possible that it needs to be that short because that's all the final episode of the season will be able to reasonably fit in, since it's already gonna be VERY close if they do make it all the way to 109. And at the end of the day, I don't doubt at all that Asagiri and Harukawa can make these the most monumental and game-changing mere 13 pages ever if they wanted to; a chapter does not at all need to be extremely long in order to be an important and impactful one, even if short ones we've gotten in the past haven't felt the most important.

An additional thought I've had, though this is much more crack territory than all this already is, is that since we know from Anime Expo that a Stormbringer movie at some point is highly likely (judging from Asagiri's reaction when someone brought it up), it's possible that chapter 110 and thus the final episode will involve the long-anticipated return of Verlaine and/or Adam, or at least some other major reference to Stormbringer, that would naturally and smoothly lead into a Stormbringer movie to explain things to people who haven't read the novel. It would make a lot of sense, especially since the s4 OP has the Old World sign behind Chuuya, which might be a hint that this has been in the works ever since seasons 4/5 were first in planning with Asagiri. We also know that Dazai and Chuuya's voice actors apparently struggled to record their lines together this season, which probably relates to 101 and possibly 109, but it could be 110 too.... I could be very wrong, as I'm no expert on this kind of thing, but I kinda doubt they would bring Chuuya's actor in for just the vampire growls, and Asagiri placing heavy emphasis on Chuuya's importance this season in that one interview gives me the impression that he's talking about much more than just 101/109. But that's the least solid evidence I have, that's just mostly based on vibes I get.

So basically, I think a lot of factors -- the unusual episode count, how close the anime is to catching up to the manga with three whole episodes left, the seemingly arbitrary recent chapter lengths, and the climactic events of 109 -- can tell us that 110 might be a very, VERY big deal. Again, there's of course no way this arc is anywhere near close to being finished, with so much left to address and resolve, but since it is currently incomplete in the manga, unlike the previously adapted arcs, if the anime was going to adapt it at all, they'd have to find a place that feels satisfying enough to end this season, knowing there won't be more anime for a long time after this, and so I think they specifically planned for that, from both Bones' and A/H's sides. 10 episodes might not have been enough to reach that point, but 12 or 13 might have been too many it wouldn't have been if Bones actually decided to slow down and let the story breathe the way it needs to, but this post isn't meant to criticize the anime, so maybe 11 was just right. And maybe Asagiri and Harukawa specifically pushed to make recent chapters longer than usual, in order to make sure that the manga reached the story content in 110 the monthly release right before season 5 was to end.

Is this just copium? Absolutely. Am I going to look like an absolute clown in two days when this post ages like milk? Probably. But the evidence is There, so let me just enjoy my delusions until Sunday, okay 🥂🫡

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

Hi? Gosh how do I even start with this :'D

I know it's been ages since I've last popped up on here. I've been debating when to post this for a while, but I kept adding to my draft more and more and now it's the end of JULY omgg I felt so guilty disappearing with zero updates but then thought my birthday would be the best day to finally address this considering it'll feel less random? idk but Ive always celebrated my bday with you guys and I'd feel so bad answering your kind asks without me at least explaining why I was gone for months.

Truth be told, I was dealing with a lot of stuff irl. health issues and sudden declining grades that left me stumped and drained for months now- along with technical issues like having to replace some parts of my computer that took a while for me to find to even draw digitally, which I didn't have the time for anyway with how tired and weary I felt every day.

I'm frankly shaken up by a lot of shit rn and I don't know how to be active online with this burden on my chest- Especially as it's been a while since I've even looked at utmv related content and my motivation dwindled. I swear I'd hype myself up to post or reblog something- but I'd see just how much I've missed or the overwhelming amount of posts I'd need to go through and I'd feel so swamped with exhaustion and most importantly guilt, for not clearing the air up sooner to reassure you guys that I'm, y'know, alive, and not dead in a ditch somewhere. And I'd procrastinate cause typing it all out is hard and I'd give up halfway every time and it's just not fair to you all!

I thought I was handling it well when I started going out and socializing more, instead of staying cooped up at home on my computer all day. and in the first draft of this post I made months ago I was gonna detail some of the fun plans I had, for my life and for this blog :D but relaxing my strict study schedule and letting go a bit of my tight routine, thinking it was better than wringing myself dry to keep it up, backfired horribly, to say the least.

I know right?? so silly to be hung up on stupid shit like studies of all things! but this is a very important thing for me considering my career plans and the competitivity encouraged by everyone I'm surrounded by, the pressure of keeping up adding to my already stressful days. I had to fix myself up first and I couldn't handle the strain nor interact with people and thinking of jobs and exams sapped my energy so much it's frankly embarrassing. writing this feels so cheesy too and it frustrates me to know I could've come back a month earlier if it weren't for that, but I also know putting all of this into words then would just sound like incoherent venting (not that this is very different tbf) and I wasn't in the right headspace to address my absence, or anything really- I didn't want everyone to see me return when I couldn't muster up a genuinely positive message, let alone talk to anyone with a shadow of my usual cheer

I feel like a complete mess and It drives me up the wall how depressed I've gotten. I debated deleting this blog so many times 'cause the fear of disappointing my audience and my friends, for lack of a more fitting sentiment, made me feel even shittier. I'm constantly thinking if this wall of text is worth posting, or if it's better not to burden you all with all my sappy troubles as if it's the end of the world. Trust me, I'll be fine. I'm not trying to dramatize this situation, but I don't think I'm up to pretending I'm all sunshine and enthusiasm you're all accustomed to.

So sorry for worrying you all! I'll try to catch up, deliver some missed birthday gifts, and answer some asks while I'm at it! Again, I can't state how much I appreciate your support throughout the years. It's frankly a miracle I kept any of you around with how much I keep popping and leaving at random with no warning. I definitely can't promise for my stay to be without a hitch, and if you don't mind an inconsistent schedule you're free to stay of course, but I'm afraid I can't sustain the pace I had when I first started this blog. I'll keep posting art, but lower my activity in the fandom sphere to reduce the strain on my mental health. so fewer rants and walls of text, more art, and less stress overall. Love you all and thanks for waiting for this long <3

[cookinguptales]

you know, watching smosh play beopardy feels a little cruel sometimes.

[the--highlanders]

I think I'm still. slightly in shock that the anniversary announcement was actually two-related tbh??

like obviously the 50th had a bunch of new two content with enemy of the world and (most of!) the web of fear being found, we had the tales from the tardis short, lots of little references over the years. but on the other hand with so many episodes missing/a relative lack of big finish content compared to the later classic who doctors/new novels for classic who doctors sort of having vanished, I do sometimes feel like this era gets a bit. passed over. as if it's too hard to engage people with the original content because it's black-and-white/missing/wobbly sets and effects or whatever the reasoning is, so we'll focus on the more marketable stuff instead.

so to actually have the big Thing for the anniversary be two-related without the coincidence of episodes being found (tho I would still love that, all episodes of the highlanders recovered immediately please and thank you) is just. ??????. !!!!!!.

[clubsheartsspades]

Since I can't call these "Outer Wilds Update" anymore, let's call it Outer Wilds Meta That I Find Interesting And Want To Talk About instead:

Ever since I finished the game and then later the DLC I've been thinking about the Eye and the fact that it seems to have either some (very) limited conscience or simply a limited way to communicate with other creatures. It calls out, it tries to explain to the Owlies (yes, I still call them that because I love them, don't correct me pls) that the world will keep turning even after they're gone, and when we as Hatchling, our beloved player character, enter it, the Eye shows us a world that we are familiar with. The signs in the museum have been altered and the Eye is quite explicitly explaining to us who all these different people are; all the way from the picture of the founders, over the Nomai statue, and to the old satellite.

It might just be me being human that I'm trying to characterize an object, but the Eye feels so alive. It calls out to be found, it can be scanned with a vision torch, and even the distinct Quantum sound it makes sounds like it's singing. When we jump up into it, when we reach whatever is hidden behind the clouds, the Eye seems almost organic. It tears itself apart to make space for us and as we land, it gives us the museum where it all started. The whole ending sequence feels so much like a conversation, like the Eye keeps trying to tell us something in every way it knows how to and everything we do is another answer to the question of what comes next.

[buttercup-barf]

Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.

Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.

That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.

The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.

Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.

Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.

[vvelegrin]

i'm really enjoying pathologic 2, actually. i mean, i didn't think i wouldn't enjoy it as much as i was worried it would just, i don't know, muddy the water. and maybe it will, but i'm not really bothered by that anymore. that said, i do think patho 2 took a fairly unsubtle game and increased its unsubtlety by about tenfold.

well. calling og pathologic 'unsubtle' doesn't feel quite right, but i'm not sure what word would feel right. maybe it's 'distinct in its sensibilities'. I think og patho felt more obtuse, whereas patho 2 is like. here. take it. do you get it. here is the information. do you see the themes. i am announcing them to you in such a way that you know that i am saying something thematic. i'm not far enough into the main story of 2 to be able to say that there's less reading between the lines, but it feels very much so far like there's less reading between the lines. whereas the original had a somewhat different... i don't know, affect? it felt like a hostile workplace where everyone recited shakespeare about even the mundane. in patho 2 nothing feels mundane in the first place, everything feels loaded in a way that og patho was but didn't feel, if that makes sense.

but i think that's okay. at the very least, it feels very much like leaning into the 'theater' aspect of it, which is enjoyable. pathologic 2 feels to me more like... bonus content? not to be Stuck Up For Pathologic HD but i enjoyed the feeling of grinding my face against a cinderblock, having to tease out information and conclusions. it felt like a game that you had to figure out, but you actually weren't really doing any ground-level figuring out of much; you're not a doctor, your character is, so the puzzle of Solving the Plague belongs to The Story, whereas the question of What the FUCK is This Town's Deal is your job. it's a very linear game in most respects, but all three playthroughs come through as a thematic package deal.

i so far get the impression that pathologic 2 can be played on its own and be enjoyed in its own right! however it exists to me as like. director's commentary. i'm really liking the playing with different character relationships and alternate things, the expanding of steppe language and the kin, love my worm guys, but i like it because of how it enriches my eternal mind rotation of og pathologic. sorry guys i played the original pathologic and it broke me and remade me in its image. sorry.

[rotisseries]

inspired by elli's poll lol cause this seems fun actually but if you guys have bad answers I'll kill myself on your doorstep or smth

[livingdeaddoctor]

would that knowing the thoughts were irrational would Make Them Go Away!!!!