#there are hundreds of reasons to leave
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being the youngest person at work is being the honorary IT specialist despite knowing basically nothing abt technology except how to use google
#im not even like being modest when i say i'm embarrassingly bad at tech stuff#but bc i can use google and sometimes find a convoluted solution to a problem on my own i am an expert#currently the classroom ipad has not functioned properly for months#and i'm the only reason it functions at all lol#as soon as i leave its gonna be a shitshow lol#they cant even open the gallery to see the pics of the kids like its supposed to it hasnt opened in months#i'm the only person who knows to go to files to see the pictures and delete some for more space#and it took me a minute to figure out how to delete hundreds at a time#i usually delete 2k or so at the beginning of every week#bc we take like hundreds every day then sort thru for the good ones to post for the parents#so it's got thousands of pictures on it and you get storage warnings constantly#and it stops working#its got other problems too tho#but i at least got the picture taking and deleting problem mostly figured out but its not the way it was#yet its usable thanks to me only#and all my coworkers will be fucked when i leave bc they're all old lol#we already sent it to the office to get fixed twice and it came back the same#and im p sure this school doesnt have an actual tech department#and they'll be annoyed if they're told they have to buy a new one#bc the KNOW that i was making it work for months#so whoever says its impossible is just a failure lol#anyway#lol#anyway when i go home i call my brother to handle all technology issues w anything#bc i really suck at it#but at work i'm like a tech genius just bc im under 30
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I don’t like that you draw regulus like a twink
and i don’t like that you chose to be whiny and spineless and leave this comment🤷♀️ what a world we live in huh….
also a message from @kris-076:
he’s like one of these things
#fuck everybody who criticises people’s fanart#i don’t care if i’m being mean#i have reason to be#it’s not that serious😭 some of you people just don’t know how to function online#i see a hundred things every day that i don’t like#and guess what#i leave them be and the world keeps moving people keep fucking and it’s all good
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Making an art sacrifice to appease the RNG Gods so they'll finally let me leave the Coronet Highlands.
#Some Kinda Nonsense#Pokemon#PLA#Cranidos#Shieldon#Shiny Pokemon#Shiny Pokemon art#Context: I am going for a shiny Living Dex in PLA#And I procrastinated on hunting space-time distortion shinies#Which was a Bad Plan but also understandable because I am suffering#I don't want to leave the Highlands until I can cross the fossils off my list for good#But it's been Literally Hundreds Of Hours#And I still need one of each#So many dupes#So many blue shards#I can't even get any Eevee progress for my trouble#It's Drapion and Dusclops and Magmar all the way down#And then I still gotta hunt this way in like three other places....#Also Art Shield doesn't like transparent backgrounds for some reason???#Or it didn't like the sparkles#I used the Krita default brush at first and it chewed them up#And then the outlines for the ones I drew still came out wonky without a background??#Even though the Pokemon were fine#Although it did add in a background color regardless#So.... maybe no transparancy for a bit?? I dunno
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Phil left for a few days and now hes a bug what happened guys come on
#you cant just make phil an ant when he leaves this isnt a good coping mechanism /j#i joke its great keep it up#but also little bug phil being followed by several hundred crows#real comedy right there#philza#philza minecraft#ph1lza#qsmp philza#dsmp philza#also bug wings are easier to draw than bird wings#fuck feathers theyre so hard for no reason
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i did not want to be That Guy but literally if i keep seeing that the only tags ppl leave on that peterick bunk cuddling art is about petes ass i swear i WILL start biting people like i know it’s meant for fun and trust me it was funny to me to begin with too but having smth like that said over and over. without any sort of like further. compliment or excitement at least after is just disheartening at this point
#i doubt anyone gives a damn that i’m saying this but… listen. Please. if you’re gonna have fun about it can you at least put a heart emoji#the only reason he ‘has a fat ass’ is because of… me lining wrong and it’s like. not fun as an artist for it to be (INDIRECTLY YALL DIDNT#KNOW ITS OK) reminded i made a mistake. over and over#the sketch does not have cake i just. made that line way too thick and a little too curved so it. … Gave Him Cake#and i lined his back a little too far down than compared to the sketch so it makes it worse#anyway what i’m saying here is. literally i see like a hundred mistakes in that art and everytime you leave just smth like that as a tag#and nothing more? it just brings it All back up dude like. to the point it’s giving me stage fright SORRY BFKDBF#though tbh this is just made worse cause it’s like. most of the twt replies on twitter . and you all know i cant Stand her (twitter)#god i just keep talking huh#haiiii if you read this far. muah. kissy
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Oc aged up? Redesign? Doodle
#goal was to make him 2x as unlikeable than before lmao#I think story bits are putting themselves together#older cot is now in a position of leadership#Vv left the team or retired for reasons after a big fight#during which xieran lost an eye and all of them got traumatized#cot grapples with the feeling of betrayal from Vv leaving them but also understanding of their reasons and cot’s own desire to retire#cot doesn’t like playing by the rule book anymore and actively goes out of their way to make things difficult for everyone besides xieran#ie getting paperwork done on time and then hiding it so the people who need it can’t find it or have to go to extreme lengths to find it#stops caring altogether for the organization which they work for#maybe even has several contingencies or leverage to bring the organization down to its knees#and instead of using it just dangles it over their head for the amusement of their grappling and vulnerability#their own petty revenge for what he perceives as the organization forcing his closest friend to break under pressure and leave#he also knows fully well that bringing down the organization would be forcing the several hundreds under their employment into poverty#which he doesn’t do mostly because xieran still exists as a voice of reason for them#probably feels some amount of guilt for being the only unharmed out of the battle that injured xieran and pushed Vv to retirement#after all their role is never at the front line. at the best they are a distance attacker#because they insist on bringing a gun to a sword fight
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you know someday i'm gonna feel so good when i have my student loans paid off
that ain't gonna be soon, trust me, but i think about it
#i've been saving so much for it that i paid off over like $2k in the last 2 or 3 months#it's just thinking about how the amount of interest goes off that drives me literally crazy#and my monthly amount i owe is like just under $120#which to some people as a regular bill is more manageable than others. but as i have an irregular income#as a substitute teacher it's something that gives me a LOT of stress.#which is another reason i've been overpaying. in case something happens/i can't get a lot of work#it defers the next due date.#that way it's not urgent but yet i still *feel* it all the time#debt is a crazy kind of thing#and to think that my loans are from COMMUNITY college. two years. publicly owned#when i start taking classes again soon. i currently have enough saved that if i take like ONE class#i can pay out of pocket. and i think im only gonna take one class to start anyway#which will also help with the deferred payments#see i just fucking hate having to think practically about money like this#tales from diana#idk how ppl leave high school and go straight to live in a dorm room at a private university for four straight years#and rack up tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.#first of all that lifestyle was not accessible for me to begin with. even when paying it was such an abstract put-it-off thought#as it is for so many 18-year-olds who are told not to worry about where they apply.#but i had under $12k to repay when the student loan debt was unfrozen last fall#and it's been weighing on me soooo heavily since then. i think about it every damn day#it's like the money i make isn't even mine. it goes straight to mohela and food#keep in mind i also live w my parents & am on their health insurance so someday there'll be moooore bills!!!!
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it's been a bad day.....pass the oz
#oh my god#my oven doesn't work had to be replaced had to carry a hundred pounds almost half a mile had a migraine#they shippped my nightstands with a bunch of missing parts so now i just have to leave it sitting in the middle of the floor#drove on my worst road of my life almost died like 3 times trying to get to my fav restaurant but for some reason it was mid as hell tonigh#it's so over.......#anyway ygyth render time. to heal. this one's for ME#(me about every ygyth render)
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people wonder why artists are leaving the site in droves and abandoning their accounts meanwhile most FANDOM art barely gets 5 likes in two days. barely gets 2 reblogs in the span of half a year.
and im not even gonna TOUCH on what it's like for oc art (which gets no interaction. at all. ever. oops I just touched on it.)
why the fuck would people keep feeding ai companies when absolutely no one is supporting them? when absolutely no one cares about their art? when no one even spares it a second glance? why would tey go through the trouble of glazing and nightshading everything when it gets NO INTERACTION AT ALL. When it's going to rot in the tags buried under hundreds of other ignored pieces of art. when ai generated photos get dozens of reblogs and likes in the first hour.
you people wonder why artists are leaving? You. you are the reason.
#bc if people had actual interaction they would choose to stay DESPITE the ai.#they would have a reason to stay#notice how the only ones staying are super huge artists with thousands of followers and who get hundreds of reblogs every day#every small artist is leaving because you people NEVER SUPPORT THEM#anti ai#fuck ai#artists against ai#ai art is not art#support artists#likes are useless#if you want artists to stay actually reblog their art#maybe leave a comment on it.#same with fanfics.#because otherwise whats actually the point?#im not even the type of person who cares about internet validation#look at most of my posts. most of them have 0 notes at all.#but what the hell is the point of posting your art to a place that steals it if literally no one is going to look at it?#i could leave it in my phones gallery; not have it be stolen; AND get the SAME AMOUNT OF INTERACTION as i would if i posted it#make art for yourself and only for yourself bestie
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Thinking about a FO4 synth MODUS AU.
#Connected thought - also once again thinking about how Silas doesn't age/accidentally semi immortal#LIKE -- the amount of rads he's been hit with over the years just does something to him on a base level#He's already in his late 50's when he emerges from Vault 76 so he kind of expects things to carry on rolling down hill from there lol#but after a few years he realises that he's actually not getting any older#so he asks MODUS to run a few scans and it's like 'HUH; I am picking up mutations but they're previously unrecorded in my database'#and anyway turns out that it stops him aging but he's not immortal immortal/the sharp end of a Deathclaw could still take him out#Silas eventually leaves Appalachia at some point b/c he doesn't want to potentially spend hundreds of years confined in one area#(MODUS has conflicting thoughts but ultimately understands the reasoning even if it puts Silas out of range)#and so -- so *MANY* years later Silas is smoking one night in The Third Rail in Goodneighbor and someone pulls up a seat next to him#and is like 'It's been a while' and OUGH -- synth MODUS >:3c#Lozz blah blah
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Have to document every time I see a new, good doctor I think - saw the neurologist today and he was everything I could've hoped for. Read my whole history going back 5 years, very professionally hinted that my previous neurologist was full of shit (he was but I didn't realize that was evident from just the notes), listened to my concerns and changed+added to his plan based on what I said, and laid out a diagnostic trail that explicitly ended in Mayo clinic if he isn't able to find answers. He took five minutes aside just to tell me that he's not happy with bucket diagnoses or jumping to psychosomatic explanations (roasting my previous neurologist who in his opinion missed a viral meningitis diagnosis in favor of psychogenic seizures). I think he's a little bit more into diagnostics than I am - I don't usually go for diagnostics unless they're going to change the treatment plan, but also at this point I think a firm diagnosis would be nice for planning and prognosis even if day to day management doesn't change.
It's also taking a minute to adjust. I was living my life with the assumption that at any time, without really realizing it, I could pass a threshold of stress that would cause me to seize until I couldn't talk or walk again. Bc I didn't think I was exceptionally stressed at the time, so obviously my threshold was fairly low and I wouldn't notice before it was too late. Having a different doctor review the results and tell me (without me bringing it up) that I likely had viral meningitis instead...idk. it just paints a very different clinical picture. Does make me wonder what's up with the occasional feelings I've gotten that I've categorized as pre-ictal (bc it feels the same as when i had those seizures). Probably won't change my response (cease stressful activity and take gabapentin or lorazepam) but interesting nonetheless.
#i will continue to use my stress barometer of if I'm waking up in the middle of the night screaming then something needs to change#idk i think i was fairly stressed at the time#i was facing down moving several hundred miles with a partner who had put zero effort into getting a job in the new locale#or anything else related to moving#but was also insisting that we move to the city and state of her choice instead of my suggestion of cheaper areas#or at very least finding a job she wanted and moving to that#but that would've required her to lift a fuckin finger#but is that actually enough stress to be worth that many seizures?#also i feel like I'm getting more bitter about my ex the farther away i get from her#it's hard to remember why i stayed and easier and easier to remember reasons i should've never started the relationship in the first place#and I'm still sad that i lost a good friend in the process of leaving her bc i feel like if we could talk about it she would be on my side#but i didn't reach out bc that's creepy and she blocked me on everything.#idk. just kinda feel like i wasted five years of my life trying to make someone i loved happy who could never be happy#and who just hurt me instead.
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actually. actually actually. with the knowledge that the traveler's sibling was used as a vessel for abyssal energy which then jumpstarted the cataclysm, i have to wonder if them being sealed by the sustainer first can now be interpreted in a new light?
#personal stuff#delete later#everyone say thank you xbox wings#and yes i knoww the traveler was targeted first and we just let go of our weapon before we could be enboxed.#but i have to wonder if that was intentional on the sustainer's part#like idk that Look she gave the box with our sibling in it has always stuck with me#but in general like ohhh. she showed up to stop us from leaving because our sibling was Directly Involved#i loove how that's been slowly revealed. like#oh there was a cataclysm going on when we were leaving > oh you were There > oh you were INVOLVED AND PART OF THE CAUSE#crazy.#what this does not explain is. why on earth did our sibling not wake us up right away. was that explained? is that normal for us?#and Why did the sustainer LET OUR SIBLING OUT. SO SOON AFTER. ESPECIALLY IF THEY WERE INVOLVED#meanwhile the traveler had to sleep for five hundred years???? why?? what woke us up????#does that have anything to do with paimon losing her memory and her powers? did she sacrifice herself to break us out??#did the abyss twin break out of their box prison?? did the abyss corruption have anything to do with it??#IS that actually our sibling or is the reason they ''belong to teyvat'' and are recorded in irminsul because. they're a clone of some sort?#just AAUUGH.. ARGH AGH AUUGH. still going insane over the xbox wings lore drop i'm sorryy#don't get me started on the abyss twin [and us??] being the scion of a lost kingdom. hey. heyyyy.#'but in their brief life they had sensed the goodwill of those who lived here and so had shouldered the pillar of the earth;#'going from the ruler of a world to the hope of but a single nation [...] having lost their world they yearned for but a single realm'#hey. hey. What.#1. brief? brief life? you mean their brief time in khaenri'ah? their brief life on teyvat? hello?? what do you mean Brief???#2. what the fuck does Shouldered the Pillar of the Earth mean. Hello.#is that some kind of royal nonsense or are we talking literally. like atlas style and everything
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Birthday mood this year is thinking about how a week and a day from now one of my biggest dreams will come true and I will see my fav musicians of the last 2+ years in the real world. Something that still doesn't feel like a real actual thing that can happen at all.
(Also I wanted to say thank you everyone for the birthday wishes!!!!!! <3 And for the nice words about my creature, so here's some more of her hehe)
#pogoing with hundreds of other people to birdhouse in your soul.............. a moment away#my flight is in 5 days............... it's been such a long wait but also i'm still not ready#and ngl it's been pretty hard to be properly excited about anything lately for several reasons. but i'm trying#and i've reached points over the past week or so where just thinking about it for a second leaves me on the verge of tears instantly#also i'm currently busy with finishing drawings i want to have finished by wednesday#and as always i put that off until the last possible minute so i know this time is going to pass by super fast#what it's going to be like i can't even imagine right now... but definitely the experience of all time#goosepost
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middle/high school me didn't form parasocial relationships with celebrities they formed serial parasocial relationships with random lesbian 20-something bloggers with a penchant for being 24/7 haters on increasingly obscure platforms (often that they had abandoned years ago) and would stay up till like 4am every night reading their posts from like five years back and collecting the Lore
#if you look closely i may still not totally be over that tendency - [gunshots]#and it was hilarious id know ALL these details about their lives ok. from their old abandoned blog on wordpress dot com#and i would stalk them and try to find if they were still active somewhere#oh the stories#so first was the forums on fanfiction dot net. i would stalk them daily#and these people would overshare everything about their lives on the internet and id meticulously collect all the details and fantasize#about joining their group someday#and sometimes i would leave reviews on their stories and mention some detail i picked up and they'd be like wait how'd you know that -#and i would make up some shoddy excuse like i did not know every single detail about all their lives#they used to have so much drama too it was hilarious. like full out brawls and catfights#and then there was goodreads. i would get obsessed with a reviewer and stalk hundreds of their reviews#and slowly put together pieces of their life and personality i would never use#there was this one reviewer in particular called emma and she's probably like 25 now?? anyway she was my IDOL in eighth grade#and her entire brand was she loved leaving long rambly one star reviews#and then my blogging era. there were a few then but the most notable was this girl called elle#i know what university she studies at i know her birthday i know all her family drama her girlfriends which taylor swift songs she thinks#are the gayest and she doesn't even know i exist lol#anyway she was A HUGE ONE. she's still influenced such a huge part of my personality to date#and she recommended me so many of my all time favourite books and she was the reason i got into glee#anywayy i stalked her all the way onto tumblr and even summoned up the courage to send her an ask one time#she was the reason i realised i was sapphic actually. and the person who made me the obsessive sapphic media enthusiast i am today#i remember having the awakening at 4am reading her blog posts from years ago on my kindle and listening to all too well#which btw she considered the gayest song of all time so i naturally did too#and i got reallyyy into sapphic media after that#then there was this blogger who went by may#then of course i came on here 💀 and the rest is history#definitely had a bunch of those here too there was this woman named heather#and i was perennially stalking her blog she randomly left tumblr after falling in love with a guy#and making this dramatic post about how she had a burning red love with lots of women in her time but now her love with this guy was golden#noooooo i ran out of tags compulsory stop to my obsessive rant ig
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if we're mutuals and i unfollow suddenly and you happen to take notice of it, please do not take it personally i still love my friends n whatnot i am just. getting very tired and need to cut down the mcyt content on my dash
and if i unfollow and refollow a couple times that is just me testing the waters jdhfj idk what i wanna do man i just have to do something for my mental health
#im gonna try my best to not up and leave bc *i* still enjoy posting#but it's been 6 months and some posts still make me sick to my stomach sometimes!#i've tried everything. blocking hundreds of ppl on main so i couldnt see their tags. asking ppl to not mention stuff around me. ignoring it#nothing has worked so far and i am not getting better#so i think i just need to be less involved#it's much easier to make my own posts bc i get to decide when i feel well enough to bring him up#and i get to talk about whatever i want! wanna mention some cool stream moments. skyblock stuff. random fun facts. etc#but then on my dash it's like. oh you were feeling bad? too bad there he is. another reminder 👍#and i could blacklist stuff but then tumblr is like ''HEY THERE'S A POST HERE YOU CANT SEE AND HERE IS THE EXACT REASON WHY''#like... that doesnt help. if i see ''blacklisted tags: technoblade. tw death'' then that. doesnt make me feel any better#chat#anyways i have doodles i wanna make that are very vaguely related ot mcu but mostly based on a fandom headcanon(?)#i think we need to go back to the wings. when ppl gave him wings. and i like when ppl made the cape/coat his wings#i have. More Ideas for that.
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look i know shakespeare is an old white dude and i know we're kind of tired of being told how great he is all the time, but jesus christ is he fucking good. god damn. i don't want to be a snob but i am begging you on my hands and knees to go see some shakespeare at least once in your life. go see it by people who really really love shakespeare bc that shit can be fucking invigorating.
#liveblogging life#i went to see the history plays at my local theatre and mmmmmmh!!!!!!!!! they were SO good#richard ii i can actually take or leave but the two henry's were phenomenal#and the lead actor for henry v was fucking star worthy he was SO good my god#nothing makes me feel like a human being like good theatre i swear to god#like i know we all know it but there really is a reason we still perform this stuff hundreds of years later#some old white dude writers are legitimately blown up outside of their talent but shakespeare is not one of them#and yes i will die on that hill
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