#there are few people I've known long enough to qualify as 'my whole life'

[flannel-and-rainbows]

Take the quiz they said, it'll be fun they said

This sounds like a more ideal version of me? Maybe even me in the future if I'm lucky

Lemme just take a uquiz for fun i said

i was naturally obliterated

[everythingwasnormalhere]

actually I've been thinking about it and kenny is so disability-coded???

like, even without my chronic pain headcanon, if we only take the canon material, he's incredibly disability-coded and im not sure why nobody's mentioned it before

Ok so, first thing first, south park isn't exactly known out of its community for having the best rep of... anything, actually, but anyone who's watched the show knows it has some of the best disability representation of any piece of media. Jimmy and Timmy, neither of their characters revolve around being disabled - they don't even make much fun of it! (It's south park, they have to make fun of everything). Their characters are complex, not because they're disabled, but because the writers didn't want to make them revolve around that. And if you don't believe me, please just watch the fucking show or at least their episodes (this is however not about them so I won't say much more about them, there's some pretty cool posts on this site that talk about this in more detail if you wanna read more though)

Now, onto Kenny: Kenny is a pretty cool guy. Fandom favorite, well-known even by people who don't watch south park. And besides how he's incredibly cute (like, c'mon, you heard his little "woohoo!"?), the reason why he's so famous is simple: He dies in every episode.

(well, not every ep in the latest seasons, but at the beginning he did and that's enough for me)

You might be thinking, "hey Loki, that's cool, but I have no fucking idea where this is going". And I'll tell you: his constant deaths actively avoid him doing stuff. Dying makes him spend less time with his friends, he can't take part in their shenanigans, he's generally unable to do things due to dying 24/7. Like, hell, he spent a whole season not hanging out with the guys because he was too dead for that! His friends substituted him, and he's still less-there since that happened.

This means: the impairment 'has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on their ability to carry out normal day-to-day activities'

(because he can't carry out normal day-to-day activities when he's, you know, fucking deceased)

Also, as Kenny himself says, "'Pretty cool'? Do you know how it feels like to be stabbed, to be shot, decapitated, torn apart, burned, run over? It's not 'pretty cool' Kyle! It fucking hurts!". His deaths cause him actual, physical pain. And guess what's a disability criteria?

You guessed: they have a 'physical or mental impairment'

(it "fucking hurts", I think that's physically impairing enough)

Also, his deaths have slowed down for the last few seasons, sure, but they still happen. And this is important, because they'll probably keep happening for the rest of his life - and if not, they've already lasted long enough anyway:

A 'substantial adverse effect' means more than just a minor impact on someone's life or how they can do certain things. This may fluctuate or change and may not happen all the time.'Long-term' means either:it will affect them or is likely to affect them for at least 12 months it's likely to last for the rest of their life It can still be considered long-term if the effects come and go. For example, a fluctuating condition might affect someone for a few months at a time with other times when they're not affected.

So, yeah. Kenny, canonical Kenneth McCormick, legally qualifies as disabled. But what makes him such good rep? He's still a well-loved character, not only in spite of his disability (yes, I'm calling his deaths a disability, sue me), but also because of it. Kenny is a pretty cool guy, he's cute, he's silly, he's a goddamn perv but really respectful about it too, and he dies in every episode which is actually hilarious. And about the perv part - fuck yeah, disabled character who not only isn't asexual, but is canonically the first in his friend group to do (consensual) sexual things! He's also canonically pretty desirable, he's the 7th in the List after all (and he's not just there for the girls' benefit like Clyde, Kenny is poor asf which means they genuinely find him desirable, and probably could've ended in the top 5 had it not been rigged). He's such a cool guy, and he's also disabled, and we love him for it.

Not to talk about Mysterion & PK, whose literal powers are the things that disable Typical Kenny - which, yeah, it's a bit of inspiration porn, but it's also a huge "fuck you" to god on Kenny's side. And it's not like "hey, I rose over my disability!", the moment in which Kenny talks (complains) most about it is actually when he's playing Mysterion - or it is in the show, at least. He was given bullshit, and yet he used it on his own benefit, but that didn't make the struggle disappear in his usual life - he's still disabled, no matter how much he uses it in his own favor. And we all love him for that.

I think he's actually awesome disability rep, mostly because he's accidental representation, and yet can (and in my opinion should) be read that way. Kenny McCormick is a beloved character everywhere, and he's also canonically disabled, and I love him for it.

[contrastparadoxx]

Nyctea, can you tell us about your hivemates?

"Alright, but let's start with a qualifier. I have many who are in and out of the house, so I will be focusing on those that live here more often than not at this moment."

"There is, of course, myself. Head of the hive, and oldest member within. Never been quite sure if I am counted as a mutant or not, regardless I pass easily enough and like to use my blood color as a sort of barrier of protection for everyone else. My lusus lives in the barn, we call her Dadgon, dubbed such by Pidge sweeps ago and it just stuck."

"There's my Matesprit, Ptillo. Another purple blood, and also a rainbow drinker she can come across as aggressive and mean, because she is, but she is also quite frankly fiercely protective of those she calls her own."

"Which brings us to Cupiid, her adoptive son. Decidedly a mutant, his winged ears and pastel pink blood would have him marked for culling immediately out in the world. But Ptillo and myself and everyone else would protect him with our lives, as we would most anyone else who stays here."

"Where Cupiid goes, the Messiah Ragana follows as she uses him as a vessel at times. It has not happened since she first taught him of an alternate diet needed to keep himself healthy, but Cupiid has informed me it could happen again. He is okay with this. The rest of us are rather more confused about it."

"Next, I suppose, should be Keonin. Head of her own pack, and someone dearly beloved in my life she has brought her whole family to stay here. Much of her pack are the ones mentioned before who come and go as they please. This does not bother me, my Hive is meant to be a place of safety to those such as they. She herself is a mutant red, and has 2 of her pack that live here full time at the moment."

"The first of these is Hunter, a wolf shifter with a bit of an attitude problem. Orange blood, he is around least often of those I consider living here. He's just as protective and loyal as everyone else, however."

"The other that sticks around is Lupini. Cyan, I don't have his full story, but he wears a blindfold making him effectively blind. He also tends to simply lock himself away in his room rather than socialize, but he is a loved and welcomed member of the family none the less."

"Not technically part of the pack but connected none the less is Selene. He's Keonin's Matesprit, I think. He and I have known each other for a fair few sweeps. Another purple blood, he is in fact a shifter, turning into a rather striking borzoi. Like myself he is a man of science, and uses his lab to hide away when he gets overwhelmed with how many trolls are around."

"Elnric is a lime blood, and has been here the longest. I consider him my own son, and have for sweeps. He is starting to find people and places outside of my safety to visit, which brings both fear and joy for me. I can only hope I've helped him know how to care for himself safely. His lusus also resides in the barn."

"Vrayan is Elnric's matesprit, and Ptillo's... Kismesis, though she also fills the role of Auspice for the purple. A unique girl, her blood is a light blue, and her long ears and fluffy tail mark her an easy mutant. She is not. She may be cute but frankly she is capable of causing great harm."

"And the newest addition to our little family is Zaxuna, or Zuzu as she prefers to be called. She is the descendant of an old friend of mine, and actually blind. Indigo blood, she is still settling in so we all try our best not to overwhelm her."

>Me, the Narrator, would like to provide you a handy dandy chart

Ptillo, Ragana, Keonin, Lupini- @memurfevur

Hunter- @whispertrolls

Elnric- @a-lime-with-problems

Memer also drew half the heads

[samtheflamingomain]

25.21%

I've been sober for 3 months today. 92 days. 25.21% of 2021.

I could've posted more updates, more milestones (it took a LOT not to post on Day 69) but I wanted to kind of save it up for a Big Day. It was also a decent way to continue to incentivize my continued sobriety: a full pass to do a shameless, hardcore bragging sesh.

Anyway, this post comes in 2 parts: the TL;DR for those who only want the gist, then more in depth on my ability to stay sober, the lasting effects of rehab, etc.

I tried my damnedest to pare this absolute novel down, but it's long, so feel free to dip out if you just get bored. Onward!

TL;DR: I went to rehab the beginning of July for 3 weeks and haven't had a drop of alcohol since. I've lost weight, I'm more healthy, my daily anxiety level went from 8 to 2, I haven't had an anxiety attack in 3 months, and everything generally just seems... easier. My memory and concentration have improved. I've been productive and I've been meditating every day. I'm saving money, and while I sometimes fantasize about getting drunk, that's usually all it is.

Honestly, it's been much easier than I expected, but I think a lot of that is because for the first 3 weeks, the time in which I would usually break down and start drinking again when trying to get sober myself, was spent behind a locked door. So far I haven't had any days where I was close to giving in. I haven't had many days where I've been depressed about it, missing it or really tempted. Maybe 3-4. I've basically just gotten on with my life as if alcohol doesn't exist.

To wrap up the short version for those ready to peace out, I'll leave it with a bit of advice.

I don't feel qualified to give any specific advice, because my story feels very unique to me, and I honestly don't think what worked for me will work for MOST people. Sometimes people spend a year in rehab and still drive straight to the liquor store on their way home.

That said, there's one thing that I've found pretty universally true: you have to really want it. For a while, I floated about without much of a "reason" to stay sober. I don't have a spouse, kids or a job I've been fired from, so I didn't see the point.

It's taken me a while, but after not being "convinced" by a few superficial "reasons" like weight loss and saving money, I thought I needed something more... permanent? Consequential? I now realize that my "reason" for getting sober at a young age after only a few years of alcoholism is that I don't want it to get to a point where I'm hurting other people, drinking myself into multiple lasting health problems... I don't want it to become permanent or consequential.

Anyway, that's my two cents. If you do have something like kids or trouble keeping a job, definitely use that as your reason. But for anyone who's a pretty "functional" alcoholic like I was, "not letting it go on long enough to become disfunctional" is a good enough reason.

This is going to get stupid long, so feel free to walk away now, just glad you read this much and it really does mean the world when people listen to what I have to say.

Now some more things in depth. I'll go in chronological order: what made me get sober, what I took from rehab (and what I left), and how it's been the past few months.

I started drinking when I got kicked out, manic out of my mind and homeless unable to sleep. It took a while until I was able to sleep without alcohol, but by then the addict brain had taken over. I'd tried a few times to get sober myself, but I never made it more than a week without, and always got back to daily drinking after a few months maximum.

Some people need a "wake up call", a "last straw" or a "rock bottom". Something external to make them realize they can't go on as they are. For me, the catalyst was my health, which is more of an internal reason I suppose. I didn't have a heart attack or liver failure, but my anxiety was getting uncontrollable and I knew it was directly tied to my drinking.

My life had been starting to feel tolerable, and I was more financially secure than ever before. Things were looking up... except for the alcoholism. This is a weird analogy but the only one that makes sense to express why, if I was doing so well on paper, I decided to go to rehab: you have to sweep before you mop. If I hadn't been in the place I was, I don't think I would've been successful at rehab. I had to sweep up the cat turds from the floor of my life before I was able to mop up the shit stains with sobriety. I know, I'm a true wordsmith.

When I finally called the hotline that hooked me up with a bunch of different rehabs, I knew I was in for a wait. It was about 5 months from that call to checking in, which isn't too bad considering I've been on the waitlist for a neuropsychiatrist in ALL OF CANADA for 4 years.

That brings us to July 12th, Rehab Day One. I've gone in depth in multiple other posts but to touch on it briefly, if I had to describe my experience in a sentence I'd say "the place I went to got very lucky with me".

What this means is that, of the 5 people in my group, I think this exact program was only ever going to help me. At the same time, I didn't even know what I would need, but this exact program was 90% of it. I didn't think 3 weeks would be long enough, but for me it was. The hours-long, repetitive, basic-ass CBT groups held 5 times a day 7 days a week was absolute torture for everyone but myself. While it was a drag to spend an hour on defining what a cognitive distortion is, the routine and repetition, something I've never gotten out of any outpatient program, helped me to really absorb the information and let it rewire my brain.

I've always said that I'm someone who should be spending an hour a day with a therapist for the rest of my life, and while that's not even remotely feasible, this was as close as it's ever gotten, and it proved me right, because it worked. I've done biweekly therapy for a short time but even that didn't come close to the way my brain changed in those 3 short weeks.

This program required absolute commitment and open-mindedness. This isn't because it was hard work or difficult concepts, but quite the opposite. While I hate the entire concept of art therapy being used as a cure-all for mental illness, I willingly got out of my bed, went downstairs and tried doing a dot mandala for an hour because I'm willing to try anything to get better. A lot of people might think they are, but really aren't. To use the mandala as an example, one guy was really into it, I wasn't, but we both finished. The other 3 tried, messed up a few times, and then scrolled through their phones. When I say this program necessitates complete engagement, that's not a compliment. It shouldn't be a chore to engage with the program. It shouldn't take me actively saying "I know I've known this basic concept since 4th grade, but maybe hearing it again will help" to get something out of a rehab program. So again, in every way, I got lucky, and so did they.

Before I finish with the rehab section, having had a few months to reflect on the whole thing, I now have an endless list of things wrong with it. I arrived, greeted by the most jaded and disillusioned of staff, and quickly became disturbed and at points concerned with just how negligent the staff are.

Maybe it's because I've been on the psych ward where they won't even let you have shoelaces and shine a flashlight on your face every half hour through the night, but it could've been so incredibly easy to sneak in alcohol. I brought 2 full water bottles, fully expecting to have to dump them out upon arrival, but they said "nah it's fine". Is it though?

Then there were actual counsellors there who were... okay. I recall one, the one I thought was the smartest, reading a handout aloud and coming across the word "delve" as in "let's delve into..." and stumbled, then said she doesn't know that word. The room was silent. As she pulled up Google on the screen I said, "it means to dive into it". She Googled it anyway. Synonyms include "dive in". If that was the only example I wouldn't mention it, but this was the first of at least 10 words she had do Google, none past a 10th grade level, from HER OWN MATERIAL. From that point on it became clear that they had no fucking idea what they were doing.

We had one last one-on-one counselling session before we left and the counsellor just filled in boxes to questions on her computer, rephrasing everything I said to fit into the buzzwords and "lessons" we'd "learned". Example. Me: I do think I'm better able to catch myself thinking 'oh I can just have one drink' and say 'no I can't'." Her: "Okay, so would you say that you can recognize negative cognitive distortions like permission-giving thoughts and counter them with a more rational and less emotional mind?" Like girl, blink twice if your boss is holding your family hostage. She gave me some papers, detailing all the online courses they were signing me up for and options for more treatment they'd be sending me, a phone number to call and a phone appointment for the next Monday. I never got that call, the phone number is a hotline, I never got a single email from them, and given how shitty they really are at their jobs, I didn't feel the inclination to try and get those resources. If they even exist in the first place.

In summation, it was a place where it was physically impossible to get alcohol. That's really all I can say in its favor. Oh, and they let you have your cell phone.

Now on our timeline I'm back home. I want to kind of analyze why it's been easy for me.

I often said that my main goal of going to rehab was to lock me away from alcohol long enough for it to reset my brain. Most people thought that was naïve, but that's exactly what happened. But I'm well aware that my experience of "instantly became sober and literally hasn't had a single hard day in 3 months" is absurdly unusual.

I put this down to a few things. Firstly, I'm on seven different meds for my mental health. Almost all of them have their effects dulled or even eliminated when you drink. So when I noticed my mood, fatigue, memory, concentration etc all getting better at once - right about as I left rehab, I don't think it would be a stretch to say that all those meds started working properly.

Secondly, I've been keeping myself busy, but that's something I've always been good at. Now I specifically choose to undertake projects that will eat up a lot my time and put me in a state of flow. I recently made an entire card game from scratch, and let me tell you, I didn't think of alcohol for a week.

Thirdly, my other goals now get in the way of alcohol. I'm getting old and my body is deteriorating. But I've always wanted to do just one last season of gymnastics. Well, I need to lose weight for that to happen. I've already lost 35 pounds, and after another 20 I'll be ready to go. Also, I used to spend more on alcohol per month than rent. Even though I've done a few shopping sprees lately, I haven't come remotely close to how much I was spending before.

I want it more than anything. I want to be sober more than I want one night of "fun" that will more likely than not lead me back to where I was a year ago. I never want to need anything as much as I needed alcohol.

Lastly, just a few more random thoughts.

A lot of people, myself included, worried about the fact that I work at a bar as a cook, but honestly the entire time I'm there I'm thinking about food, not alcohol. If I'm hanging out with some regulars before/after, I can watch them drink and be perfectly fine with my coffee, because the coffee is $2, and I used to spend $20 after every work shift.

I also decided in rehab to start taking better care of myself as best I could. This started with getting my second vax which I'd been putting off, then an eye appointment, then new glasses, then a dentist appointment where I was informed I need to do $3000 worth of work on my implant that's erroding my bone matter, so that sucks, but I caught it early. I've also been meditating every day. In just 3 months, I've made pretty big improvements to my self-care and my daily routine.

One of my fears about sobriety was "missing out" on "having fun". A few days ago, all my housemates got together to play Mario Party, and it was kind of my first night doing something social while sober. It was a breath of fresh air - I wasn't constantly running to piss, I didn't worry about running out of alcohol, I didn't get sloppy and obnoxious as I can sometimes do. I even came very very close to winning my first game of MP. When I reflected on the night, I realized that, if I'd been getting drunk the whole time, I would've sucked at the minigames, been a hindrance to anyone unfortunate enough to be teamed with me, and likely would've stopped caring about the game itself after the first few turns.

Yesterday I was making my 4th pot of coffee of the day when I realized there was a full glass of wine just sitting on the counter. I had absolutely no idea where the hell it came from - nobody in my house drinks wine. I shrugged and poured that sweet sweet bean juice. It was only when I sat down and took a sip of coffee did I find myself thinking automatically, "this tastes so much better than wine". I only realized then that it had been rose wine, the only kind I've ever been able to tolerate. It was the ultimate moment of possible temptation, and the thought of just chugging that glass - as I may've done in the past - didn't even cross my mind.

I'm so glad to be where I am. I'm about to undergo some serious financial changes - i.e. going absolutely broke - but drinking isn't gonna help that, so I'm cautiously optimistic.

Stay Greater, Flamingos.

[ma-gic-gay]

So this is a new one of these and the other one is probably over so yeah

It's a weird Christmas.

It marks a year since anyone last saw Sonny, a year since Julian's death, and a year full of drama, as one would expect.

Michael and Willow had had another child, a girl this time. Her name was Ophelia and Wiley loved being a big brother to her. The pair had also burned their annulment papers when they'd realized she was pregnant and finally admitted their feelings for each other. Watching them together had probably been the highlight of the year for their family.

Sam had started hooking up with Dante much to the chagrin of, well, everyone. It had started as a few random hookups but changed quickly into an actual relationship, testing several familial bonds.

Luckily, that disaster on wheels had been halted when Lulu had woken up from her coma. Lulu and Dante got back together and fell in love, again.

Sasha and Brando had formed a relationship as well, which was quite a surprise at first glance but made sense after a few weeks.

"Carly? You okay?" Jason asks. Surprisingly enough, she hadn't completely broke down yet, or ran away. The furthest she'd ran was the island and even then, it was only a few hours no one knew where she was, since he couldn't teleport and it took that long to get to the island.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking," she responds, faking a smile.

"Tell that to the tears in your eyes and obviously fake smile," he says to her. "What are you thinking about?"

"It's been a year since any of us have heard from Sonny. For all we know, he's dead. Hell, he probably is. I know I should give up and just agree to a funeral, but it feels wrong to do that without a body," Carly sighs, head in her hands in an effort to hide her tears. "It feels wrong for him to not be here. Last Christmas, we were convinced he'd be home by now and now it's like we've all resigned ourselves to him being dead."

"If it doesn't feel right to have a funeral, don't have one. I've known you for a long time, and your instincts are right a lot of the time. Just because Sonny's not confirmed dead doesn't mean he's not," Jason frowns, putting his arm around her and rubbing circles along her back.

Sonny's "death" meant he had to step up in more ways than one. This had marked the year of Jason running the mob, which he'd practically been doing before but was actually doing now. He'd also had to become sort of a surrogate husband to Carly to the point he practically lives there by now. The kids hadn't questioned it; they'd asked a few times if there was anything going on there but after getting a firm no there hadn't been anything else from them in forms of questioning their relationship status. It was what it was and that was the same friendship they'd always had.

There had been times even Danny had questioned why they were at that house so much, to the point he once asked Carly if they were together or not.

You know it's reaching an odd point when a twelve year old is asking if you're in love with your best friend.

Of course, they didn't take into consideration the fact the whole town thought they were together. Again. Everyone had assumed, based off of how much time they'd been spending together- surprisingly more than normal- and the fact that he'd all but moved into the house that they were together.

That was a fun one to realize when he'd gotten shot and everyone had assured her that her boyfriend would be fine.

It just wasn't happening, they were friends. Anything more could complicate it and complicated almost always meant that there would be fights they couldn't go to each other to uncomplicate.

"I know that, but I just don't want to live knowing that there's a chance he could be alive somewhere and he's been kidnapped or forgotten his name or something. It's like I'm stuck in this neverending circle where there's barely any hope but I can't pretend there's none either. Sometimes, I wish that the police would show up with a body and I would have to confirm that yes, he is dead, just so that I could get out of this loop," Carly sobs. "And then I feel terrible for wishing he was dead because I love him, you know, but then at the same time, I can't help but feel like I need closure."

"That's not a bad thing, to need closure. None of us get any closure when it comes to this, Carly. You're not a bad person for wanting some," he reminds her. "You've been grieving for a year a man you don't even know for sure is dead. It doesn't make you bad to want to have something definite."

"But wanting my husband dead? That's dark," she argues with him.

"You want to know if he's dead or alive, something to confirm what's happened to him. I hate to break it to you but you don't qualify as a terrible person," Jason chuckles. "You've never killed someone, never hurt a kid."

"I shot a dude in open court, I almost killed AJ. I've done a lot of questionable things in my life, Jason," Carly fights back.

She's not wrong, persay, but she's not right. "That stuff doesn't make you a bad person. Morally grey? Yes. Bad? No. You do what you think is best and you're impulsive. If something's not going your way, you'll tip the scales. It's just how you are. None of that makes you a bad person. Some people might not like it, but you've never killed someone or hurt a kid, so in my book you're a good person."

Carly's head comes out of her hands for a minute and he smiles, wiping away the tears. "Well you're not a bad person either. You'd never hurt a kid and you only kill in self defense or if the person's really bad and threatening someone you care about. It's not like you wake up and go kill someone for shits and giggles. You mourn the people you kill and feel bad about it. Only a purely horrible person wouldn't feel bad about their murders."

"Neither of us are bad people, let's just agree on that at least."

"Fine," she relents finally. That only took a year. "I miss Sonny. Especially this time of year. Last year, he read Donna and Avery the Grinch and he had the world's worst Grinch voice. I practically begged him to read another book because of how bad it was. But this year, I wish he would be able to read it to them."

"I miss him too," Jason admits. "It's been a hell of a year without him."

"That it has. So much has changed," she agrees with him, shifting her position on the couch so she's lying her head on his lap.

That's probably why the kids thought they were dating.

He plays with her hair as she laughs, remembering some obscure detail about his telling of the Grinch and decorating for Christmas.

Scratch that, this is definitely why everyone thinks they're together.

"Hey Mom, Jason," Joss greets them, coming in from the kitchen. "I'm going to Trina's. Donna's with Ophelia at the Quartermaine's and Avery's with Ava."

"Alright sweetie, have fun," Carly bids her daughter goodbye, sighing. "Why is she so adult now? I mean, I can remember when she was born and it feels like yesterday. Hell, Michael's birth feels like yesterday. And they're both so grown up."

"Time flies when you're having fun," he answers.

"Where'd you get that? A throw pillow or some advice of my mother's?"

"A card someone sent me back when I was in the hospital. Needless to say, that card got tossed in the trash as soon as you'd let me stand up to go to the trash."

"Who the hell sent that to you of all people?"

"No clue. It didn't have a name attached."

"Huh. Well, it's a terrible expression. Too throw pillow. The real answer would be that we're aging, sadly," Carly sighs again, equally as dramatic. "Granted, I still look like I'm 27, but somehow I've aged."

"Age is but a number."

"You sound like a Hallmark card."

"Rude."

"You do!"

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm aging as well. You're not in this whole getting old thing alone. Provided, of course, that you agree to age," he smirks.

"I don't have anything better to do, sadly, so I suppose I'll agree to getting older. But I refuse to have a gray hair."

"Then go to the salon when you notice one and dye your hair."

"I plan on it," the blonde smiles at him before changing the topic. "Do you think we're weird?"

"That came out of nowhere."

"Answer the question."

"No?"

"That sounded like a question."

"Carly, how am I supposed to answer this one? I don't know, maybe?" Jason says, though most of it comes out as a question.

"Well, I mean, think of it. Sonny's been presumed dead for a year. You've been in charge of the business and been there for all of us in more ways than I can count. Seriously, I think Donna sees you as a father," Carly chuckles. "And you've listened to me crying and losing it. Hell, you spent a month and a half at the island just so I wouldn't be alone."

"Hey, you're family. I was happy to do all of those things. Besides, you wouldn't leave my side when I got shot. Or for a very long month after that," he jokes.

"I know but you didn't have to do that. You didn't have to step up and parent the kids. You already had Danny and Scout and the breakup with Sam to deal with, that's a lot at once. Not to mention, taking over the business and grieving Sonny. And dealing with me. All at the same time," she smiles. "Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful, but you had no obligation to do any of that."

"Carly, do you think I'd be here right now if I didn't want to? You know me better than that. I love you and the kids and want to be there for all of you. So far, I've only gotten shot once and that was unrelated, so I'd consider this a pretty good experience."

The blonde scoffs at him and he chuckles. "Not funny. You could've died."

Rolling his eyes, he reminds her, "I didn't."

"Well you're not allowed to get shot for a long time."

"I'll take getting shot off of my to do list."

"Don't you dare joke about this!"

"Alright. Look at me. I'm not going to die anytime soon. I promise. It takes a lot more than a measly bullet to kill me, after all. Not even Russian madmen could do it," he says seriously.

"Good. Because if you do that to me again, I'll have no choice but to resign myself to a life in either prison or Ferncliff," she says half seriously, getting a laugh out of Jason.

It's not entirely unrealistic she'd end up in one of those positions, especially given that it's already happened. Repeatedly.

Maybe there's a sign she should stop doing dangerous things.

Almost as though she's being told to by something inside her, Carly connects her lips with his.

to be continued

why do i get myself into these things smh

[utaprinews]

Gekidan Shining from Utano☆Prince-sama♪ Presents Polaris Interview! "I've broadened my horizons," says Ryunosuke Matsumura (EnterStage)

(Originally posted August 9th, 2018)

"Gekidan Shining" is a stage performance project for the otome series "Utano☆Prince-sama♪" (more commonly known as Uta☆Pri) developed in order to delve into the theater scene. June of last year saw the debut of its first show "Tenka Muteki no Shinobi-do", followed by "Masquerade Mirage" in September and "JOKER TRAP" earlier this year. A revue performance, "SHINING REVUE", featuring all three productions was held due to astonishing fan feedback. This fall, the "Gekidan Shining" project will tackle the "Theater Shining" series, focusing on the theme of "movies".

The first installment in this series and the fourth major performance for the company will be "Polaris", a science fiction tale of a distant future where three young men must work together to protect the Earth from impending crisis while each exploring their own humanity along the way. Expectations are high for how this grand of a story will be portrayed on the stage. We talked to Ryunosuke Matsumura, the role of Tokiya Ichinose, about the shift from the "JOKER TRAP" performance and his own thoughts on "Polaris".

--To start with, can you tell us about your impressions from working on "Gekidan Shining from Utano☆Prince-sama♪ Presents JOKER TRAP"? It was only a few months ago, but it already feels like its been years since it happened. (laughs) Since there was so much that happened during that short period of time, I was actually a little sad once it had run its course... I needed some time before I could really tell myself "alright, this is really over".

--Were you particularly invested in "JOKER TRAP"? It was a truly fulfilling experience from the first day of practice all the way to the last day of performances. I was able to work with a wonderful group of people - Takamoto-kun in the role of REN, Kohatsu Allen-kun in the role of RAN, and Kikuchi Shuji-kun as CAMUS - that I would love to have the chance to perform alongside again in the future. It was a project I won't forget for the rest of my life.

--Did you have to change much about yourself to get into the role of TOKI during "JOKER TRAP"? To get into the role of TOKI I had to first learn how to act as Ichinose Tokiya and it's a pretty conscious shift I go through. Ever since I decided to turn acting into a career, I knew I had to be strict with myself. Ichinose Tokiya is also very strict with himself, the kind of person who strives to do everything perfectly. It was inspiring and sort of felt like I was getting a look at myself from a different perspective. As a result, I became more in tune with what I'm currently capable of and what I still need to improve on. The whole experience gave me a chance to grow as a person as well as an actor.

--I saw your performance and thought you were an amazing TOKI. I wouldn't necessarily say amazing, but thank you nonetheless. I think the quality of my acting will differ among viewers, but so long as I was able to grow from the performance I'll be pleased with myself. I can't extend my thanks enough to all the fans who cheered us on and gave me strength. As the audience's excitement grew we found ourselves thinking "I want them to have even more fun! I want them to feel even more fulfilled!" and that really drove us from one performance to the next. I'm proud to say that I was part of a performance that brought the audience together as a whole.

--After the "JOKER TRAP" performances were over, you were also involved in a revue show showcasing songs from "Gekidan Shining from Utano☆Prince-sama♪ Presents Tenka Muteki no Shinobi-michi, Masquerade Mirage, and JOKER TRAP" under the name "SHINING REVUE". Every single performance we did was really fun! All of my co-stars had the same mentality of not wanting to lose and to keep raising the bar for themselves. It was definitely refreshing to collaborate with the actors from separate shows during the variety corner.

--That was also where you first met Shojiro Yokoi, your co-star in "Polaris". That's right. Yokkoi-san (Yokoi's nickname) and I have even started hanging out in our free time. Once "JOKER TRAP" was over, it was nice to have someone who could put up with me. We don't have a senpai/kouhai relationship either which is a plus. (laughs) We haven't known each other for long but I already feel like he's been my best friend for years.

--You've previously said that you're rather shy when it comes to meeting new people. Does this mean you're starting to overcome your shyness? I think Yokkoi-san is a special case. Yokkoi-san seems to be pretty shy himself and that was just sort of an immediate connection between us. (laughs) The more I get to know his bright personality, his smile, and his friendly nature, the more I find myself liking him.

--What's your impression of your other co-star who plays the role of Natsuki Shinomiya, Soichiro Yamakawa? If I had to describe Yamakawa-san in a nutshell, I'd say that he's the definition of "good youth". He was very friendly when we met despite that he's a good few years older than I am and I'm honestly excited to mess around with him backstage as we become better friends. (laughs) It's not stressful being around him so practice is something I look forward to.

--Gekidan Shining from Utano☆Prince-sama♪ Presents Polaris is the first of four in the "Theater Shining" series to make it to the stage. Expectations are high but what sort of work do you think this will be? We don't even have that much information yet on how the science fiction genre will be portrayed on stage but as an "Utano☆Prince-sama♪" fan myself, I'm looking forward to finding out even though I'm a part of it. I trust our director, Hosakayou, to handle the screenplay and production side of things well. I can't wait to jump into the world of "Polaris" once practice starts so that we can truly create something that will satisfy everyone!

--During the visual shoot, you had photographs taken of many different unique costumes. The pilot suit is my favorite! I've always loved space and robots so I'm excited just to be able to wear it.

--While on the topic, what are some of your favorite science fiction movies and anime? For movies, definitely Star Wars. As for anime, I'm fond of the Mobile Suit Gundam series, Neon Genesis Evangelion, and Super Dimension Fortress Macross. Basically I like anything where the characters get to control the robots from inside them.

--Do you have anything you'd like to say to everyone who's looking forward to the performance? I'll do my best to give you a satisfying performance that exceeds your expectations! My goal is to have people correlate Ryunosuke Matsumura with Tokiya Ichinose... The least I can do for everyone who's a fan of the original work is fully engulf myself in the world of "Polaris" this time as well.

--The original "Polaris" from Theater Shining had the catchphrase "What is true strength?" What do you think "true strength" is? I know it's cliche but I'd say the answer is love. I think a truly strong person is someone who would sacrifice themselves for someones else. It's not something as simple as "the strength to get back up again no matter how many times you fall" or "the desire to repay someone" or even "the passion to become something greater than you already are". For instance, even if my acting career starts to overwhelm me in the future, I wouldn't be discouraged because I love what I do and cherish where I am already. Although things may get tough, as long as you can love something for what it is then I think that is enough to qualify as growth. I think that's what "true strength" is.

◆Performance Info Gekidan Shining from Utano☆Prince-sama♪ Presents Polaris [Tokyo Performance] Thursday, September 13th - Sunday, September 23rd, 2018     AiiA 2.5 Theater Tokyo [Osaka Performance] Friday, October 5th - Monday, October 8th, 2018     Umeda Arts Theater / Theater Drama City

[Original] Utano☆Prince-sama♪ Theater Shining - Polaris [Screenplay/Directing] Hosakayou (Daydream Suite) [Music] Elements Garden

[Cast] Tokiya Ichinose: Ryunosuke Matsumura Natsuki Shinomiya: Soichiro Yamakawa Cecil Aijima: Shojiro Yokoi

Mashu Ishiwatari, Shuhei Izumi, Yusuke Kashiwagi, Yuya Asato, and others

◆Secondary Pre-order Sales (Lottery) [Handling] e+ [Application Period] 18:00 Friday, August 10th ~ 18:00 Sunday, August 19th [Result Announcement] 13:00 Friday, August 24th ※All seats are specified. Up to 4 people per application.

◆General Release [Handling] e+ [Sales Start] 10:00~ Saturday, August 25th ※All seats are specified. Up to 4 people per application.

[Official HP] http://gs-polaris.com/

(C) Gekidan Shining

(Interviewed by Akiko Kondo)