#therapy wednesday is back today

[mondscheinprinzessin]

Sometimes therapy is your therapist asking about the scent you use for your Räuchermännchen.

Sometimes therapy is your therapist asking why you’re feeling guilty about being angry with your father.

Today was both. It was an interesting mix.

[krispiecake]

i hope that everyone is aware that i am trying SO HARD to be normal but the universe is TESTING ME.

[bibleofficial]

my stomach hurts so bad i’m literally dying

[thedreadvampy]

AAAAAAAAAAAA. AAAAAARGH. ARGH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

[rabbitindisguise]

Me, earlier this week: socializing :D

Me now:

[fiendslothful]

Summary of my week (it's Tuesday)

[fiddlepickdouglas]

.

[homunculus-argument]

So I was walking home from therapy today - it was rainy when I left home and windy as hell now that I was coming back - and there is this hill on my way home that has a stone by the road that's large enough to sit on. Random rocks the size of an arm chair, a car, or a small house aren't uncommon around here, remnants of the ice age and all. Anyway, there was a rock on a hill by the road, in a place that's highly visible from all directions.

And approaching it, first thing I saw was a bright red spot, that I first figured was someone's lost coat that a helpful passerby had hung up on a branch or something, before I got just a bit closer and noticed that someone was still wearing it. There was some guy sitting on the rock, browsing his phone. Occasionally little tufts of smoke rose from him.

I'm the kind of 30 to whom anyone under the age of 25 just looks 15, and anyone under 15 looks 12, so this guy could have been like 22 or something but I'm guessing late teens anyhow, and I figured that alright, never seen anyone sit in that spot but I guess he's just there waiting for friends to show up or just having one last smoke before going home or something. Not my business. And right then, the wind changed, now blowing from his direction, and I very distinctly caught a whiff of

the devil's lettuce.

There's no mistaking that smell for anything else - not anything else around these parts, anyhow - and while I personally have no strong feelings about the green one way or another, it was still none of my business. Not my business why this kid had decided to smoke his stuff in such a random highly visible place in highly visible clothing at broad daylight 3 pm on a wednesday, but boy was it hard to walk past him without looking at him like

[cupcaketeddybehr]

when your credit card declines pt. 1

featuring: nanami and toji (pt. 2 with sukuna, geto, and gojo coming soon!! i was going to include it all in one but wanted to feed you guys because its been soooo long!)

thank you so much to @luvxoxo for the request!! i loved writing it and hope this is what you had in mind!! for anyone that has a request/just wants to chat, my ask box is open!!

so sorry this took so long! i promise i'm back 💗

Nanami

you decide to take yourself on a little shopping spree after surviving this week (or most of it anyways). today’s entitled customers pushed you over the edge, with the workday ending with a screaming match and the bakery closing early. after running it for the past five years, you hadn’t gotten a customer as rude as the one you got today. upset about their iced tea having too much ice, they proceeded to throw the entire glass on nobara, one of your employees.

after trying to call your boyfriend, kento, and his phone going to voicemail, you started to lose it. practically glaring a hole through your phone, you waited for the voicemail beep. when it went off, so did you.

“kento i’m so fucking annoyed right now. i hate everyone and i just need to go shopping. don’t wait for me for dinner, i’ll be at the mall.”

angrily speeding out of the bakery parking lot and to the mall, you slam the car door as you take out your credit card, ready to spend your entire life’s savings on retail therapy. you weren’t even sure how much you had in your bank account, but you were ready to test it.

you walk into onitsuka tiger and begin pulling things off the rack. after eying their newest runway collection in your favorite youtuber’s videos, you have your heart set on their winter coats and midi dresses. you also need at least two of their shoes in different colors.

too bothered to try anything on, you walk to the counter with everything in your arms. people glance over their shoulders at you, watching you periodically drop things on your way to the cashier. you grumble and bend down to pick the clothes up, still too annoyed to care about anything besides your shopping. as you approach, you spot a familiar blondie talking to the cashier.

he turns around with a concerned look in his eyes and a gigantic onitsuka tiger bag in his hand. he walks towards you after glancing behind him to thank the cashier. “sweetheart… i listened to your voicemail... are you okay? do you want to get some wetzel’s pretzels and talk about it?”

while you look at him, confused, he takes all the clothes from your hands and walks around the store to put them back. “we can get the cinnamon kind you like” he tries.

“ken, I was going to buy those.” you snap, mildy infuriated.

he pulls your resisting body into a hug and kisses your forehead. “honey, you spent almost the entirety of your bank account on those three pairs of gentle monster sunglasses last week” he chuckles.

you glare at him. saying “no i did not,” knowing full well that you did. your ‘entire life’s savings’ was currently at a grand total of 50 dollars.

he takes your hand and brushes your fisted knuckles with his thumb as hands you the giant bag in his hands. “text me next time you run out of money, okay? i want to provide for you.”

“but you never spend money on yourself, ken.” you say, slowly looking through the bag. in it is every single thing you had in your hands earlier and more. the black denim dress, long brown coat, navy blue shoes, and much, much more. you look up at your boyfriend, eyes watering at his gesture.

he shakes his head, “you and what you want matter more to me than anything else.” he runs his hand over the back of your head, fingers gently caressing your hair. “i know this week was especially hard for you so i had these waiting here for pickup since wednesday. you just beat me here.” he chuckles. “i know this doesn’t make up for those shitty customers, but i hope it makes you feel better.”

you hug him tightly, “how did you know?”

he kisses the top of your head, “i’ve been looking at your pinterest boards for inspiration”

you pull him in for a kiss, “genuinely, honey, I don’t know how i got so lucky with you.”

“i’m the one who’s lucky, sweetheart.” he says.

Toji

you walk through the mall with your boyfriend, squealing with excitement as you spot the new jellycat diner. “TOJI! look!” you point happily. “which one should i get? should i get the pizza? no wait, maybe i’ll get the hot dog… no WAIT-“

he chuckles, “doll, didn’t your paycheck just come in? you can probably get a bunch.”

you look at him with giant puppy dog eyes, “wanna buy it for me?”

he scratches the back of his neck, “uhh… i might’ve spent my entire paycheck at the casino… sorry, ma”

“oh my god, ‘ji, how are we supposed to eat?” you rub your forehead, “you promised no more casino.”

he pulls your hand closer to him, “i know… shiu wanted to go for his birthday and i got carried away. i’m really sorry, doll.”

you huff, “if you go again, i’m going to shoot you.” stomping off without him, you pick up the two jellycats you want and bring them to the counter. “just these two, please!” the cashier bundles them up for you and motions for you to swipe your card.

“your card declined, could you try swiping it again?” the cashier asks.

you internally panic. “sure!” you say, swiping it again. you’re starting to doubt the fact that you cashed your paycheck in. unfortunately for you, your card declines three more times and you end up walking out of the store embarassed and empty handed.

after listening to toji’s endless apologies on the way home, he promises to make it up to you when he receives his next paycheck. you nod, deciding to forgive him before heading out to dinner with your best friend, shoko. with the amount of money in your card, you’re pretty sure that all you can afford is an onigiri from 7/11.

as you pull out of the driveway, you think you hear the whirring of your ancient sewing machine, but you’re not quite sure. you’re not even sure if that thing works anyway.

when you return home, toji’s nowhere to be found. knowing that he didn’t have plans to work today, you wander through the rooms of your apartment, calling his name. when you get to the dining table, you spot a half-crumpled post-it and concerningly ugly plushies that you think are kinda ugly-cute.

as you get closer, you realize that they kind of resemble the pizza and hotdog jellycat plushies you almost bought at the mall. their drawn-on sharpie eyes stare back at you as you take in their half-sewn and half-glue-gunned appearance. they have hot glue strings and threads poking out of the sides, but you’re falling in love with them nonetheless. you laugh as you think about toji giving up on using the sewing machine halfway through. hugging them tightly, you read the post-it toji left on the table.

"hey doll, i’ll be back in a bit, just finishing up something real quick. love you" it reads, with a hastily scribbled heart.

fifteen minutes later, toji walks through the door, hair tousled and the real jellycat pizza and hot dog plushies in one arm and chinese takeout in the other.

he grins, “hey doll.”

you run up to him and throw your arms around his neck. “did you make these?” you ask, referring to his handmade plushies.

he grimaces a little, “yeah, they’re kinda ugly, huh?”

you laugh and shake your head, “no, ‘ji, i love them, thank you so much”

he hands you the jellycats in his hands, “i got the real ones for you too because i can’t fuckin’ look at my ugly ones”

when you look at his hands, you see that they’re covered in glue gun burns and bandages. you run your hands over the sewing machine and glue gun damages asking, “i thought you didn’t have money?”

“i pickpocketed people on the street.”

you look at him, “toji, please, for the love of god, tell me that you’re joking.”

he just laughs, “yeah sure doll, i’m just jokin’” he says, knowing you don’t believe him in the slightest.

thank you so much to @saradika-graphics for the beautiful dividers and support banners 🫶

and thank YOU so much for reading! i appreciate you!

[heavyhitterheaux]

On Bended Knee

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

Synopsis: You and Jack go to a series of therapy sessions to talk about your marriage that you honestly feel in the back of your mind is going to lead to the two of you being separated and Jack is desperately trying for it not to happen

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Mentions of postpartum depression, death, and miscarriage

“So, what is bringing us in today?” Fatima, your therapist asked both you and Jack as the two of you were sitting at opposite ends of the couch in front of her.

Jack glanced over at you and you simply had your head resting on your arm as you looked straight ahead so he figured that he needed to be the one to speak first.

“We are at odds like we've never been before and I don't know what else to do. It seems like I take five steps forward and ten steps back when it comes to her. I love my wife and I can't see myself without her.” He quietly said as Fatima smiled at him and nodded. She then turned to you.

“Y/N? Would you agree with that?”

“To a certain extent, yes. But I reached my breaking point a long time ago.”

Hearing that made Jack’s heart drop.

“Tell me more.”

“The man who claims that he's my husband and sitting across from me is someone that I truly no longer recognize as far as some of his actions go. Because the Jack that I know wouldn't do those things in a million years.”

“Such as?”

“Making me feel that my thoughts and feelings are invalid. We've been together since we were fifteen years old, got married at 19, but something switched in 2022 when his fame went to an entire new level. Our relationship has been tested and I don't know if it's even worth saving at this point.”

Jack turned to look at you in disbelief because he couldn't believe that those words came out your mouth.

“Babe…”

“No. You begged me to come to therapy with you so you need to put your big boy pants on even if it's something that you don't want to hear. Because trying to talk to you at home is obviously not working. You asked for this so don't shy away now.” You told Jack as you finally looked at him. All he did was play with his wedding ring and nod before turning back to look at Fatima.

You and Jack had barely been speaking to one another and it seemed as if the arguments over little things were getting more and more frequent. You were sitting in the living room since you had just fed the triplets as Jack came and sat next to you.

You glanced over at him, but didn't speak as you turned back around to look at the TV. This was the first time you were able to have peace and quiet all day and the last thing you wanted was to argue with him again. Because at this point, you knew that the two of you were not on the same page.

“Baby?”

“What?” You said and it came out a little harsher than you intended.

“I don't want to keep fighting with you. We're on the same team.”

“Are we? Hadn't noticed since it doesn't seem like it.”

“Y/N, come on. You know we are.” He told you as he attempted to grab your hand. He was surprised when you didn't move away from him.

“Some of your actions state otherwise.”

“I want to fix this and I know you do too. I signed up for marriage counseling and we meet the therapist on Wednesday. I just…. We need to get on the same page if we want this marriage to last.”

You turned to look at him and simply sighed before crossing your arms over your chest.

“And if this doesn't work, then what?”

“Babe, that isn't an option.”

“And you didn't answer my question, Jackman. Tell me what will happen if it doesn't work?”

“I don't have an answer because I don't plan on that happening. We love each other and we’re going to get through this.”

“I'm not sure that I want to go.” You told him being completely honest.

“Can I ask why?”

“If you can't even listen to me when we're at home, what makes you think it'll be any different in therapy?”

“Y/N, you're shaking your head as Jack is talking. What are you thinking?”

“He remembers that a lot differently than I do. I told him not once, but multiple times that she made me uncomfortable, but he steadily ignored me. So much so that he actually asked her to be in his video for First Class.”

“But, you're in it, are you not?”

“Yes, only because I stopped what I was doing when I saw her post a picture of the both of them on Instagram and she was sitting in his lap.  He claimed that she took the pic so fast that he didn't even have time to react. I went to where they were shooting the video and told her to leave and made her delete the picture. Oh, and when I actually did fight her because this had been building up for months with her constantly harassing me, never not once did he ask me if I was okay. Instead he acted mean as hell towards me because the only thing he seemed to be concerned about was our reputation in the public eye and not my actual well-being. We were both at home for a few days after which ended in another argument and him leaving.”

“But you left out the part where you had talked to me the same day that it happened and said absolutely nothing and tried to hide it. I was in a whole different state when I found out and caught a flight to Atlanta to confront you about it because you had stopped answering your phone. There was no need to lie to me about that.”

“Yes there was because I knew you would lose your shit which you did when you came and saw me backstage before my show.”

“Because you could've gotten hurt!”

“Hmm, nice try. I think you meant damage your reputation because those words didn't even come out of your mouth when it happened.”

“Just because I'm mad at you doesn't mean that I want any harm to come to you. You're my wife! Why would I want you to put yourself in a situation which could lead to you getting hurt? That's what I was mad about.”

“Wouldn't have had to be in that situation if you would have established boundaries with her from the beginning. I'm your wife. We share a last name. Not her.”

Therapy had been going steady for the first three weeks and Jack simply didn't know how to feel at this point. He wasn't able to read you as of lately and had it in the back of his mind that a divorce would be coming soon and you would be the one to ask for it. 

And that made him sick to his stomach.

When you were pregnant, it seems like everything was halted and the two of you put your issues to the side. But as soon as they were born and you had healed from it, everything had come back up to the surface. It also didn't help that Jack knew you were also going through postpartum depression.

It was one in the morning and he had gone for a drive after checking on you as well as the triplets and making sure all of you were okay. He didn't have an exact destination in mind, but he simply pulled out his phone and took a deep breath before dialing his mother’s number. He was absolutely desperate at this point.

Maggie picked up on the third ring and he could tell that she was still wide awake by all of the background noise which he assumed was the TV.

“Hey honey, everything okay?”

“No.” 

When Maggie heard how distressed her oldest child sounded she immediately grew concerned.

“What's going on? Are Y/N and the babies okay?”

“They're fine, but umm…” Jack trailed off as he struggled to say his next sentence.

“But what?”

“I honestly think deep down that Y/N is going to divorce me and I… can't live without her. I haven't had to do it in so long that I wouldn't even know where to start. She's the love of my life and the mother of my kids. I can't lose her.”

“What exactly makes you think that she will?”

“We're going to therapy but there's such a huge disconnect that I don't think we'll be able to fix. She didn't have high expectations going into it so…”

“Can I be honest?” Maggie asked and took a deep breath after doing so. However, Jack had a strong feeling that he already knew what she was about to say.

“You saw this coming, didn't you?” Jack asked as he turned onto Bardstown and was casually driving throughout the city.

“Yes from a mile away. I don't know what exactly happened, but 2022 was the start of the rift being made in your relationship with each other. And I've pulled you aside a few times and warned you that how you were acting wasn't a good portrayal of the person I raised you to be or the husband that I know you are towards Y/N. That girl basically worships the ground you walk on and you used to do the same thing. The fame got to you and you were starting to achieve your goals and she was supportive of you. You didn't give her the same support in return and now look where you two are.”

“What do I do to fix this? I need her to forgive me.”

“Then you need to remind her of how much you love and care about her. Because your actions haven't reflected that you do.”

“And what if that doesn't work?”

“Then you'll be signing divorce papers.” 

“Definitely can't forget how he thought I was cheating on him and he actually followed me to see what I was doing.”

“I apologized for that. I was paranoid. I had been gone a lot and missed you.”

“What did Y/N do to make you think that she was cheating?” Fatima asked Jack as he once again started to play with his wedding ring.

“Not spending time with me like she said she would when I finally got back home and she would lie about where she was going so I followed her.”

“And what came of that?”

“She was planning a surprise party for me because First Class had done so well. And she then explained who every single person was that she had met up with. She was just trying to keep it a secret as best as she could. But the day of the party unbeknownst to me of course, I confronted her about it and the look she gave me was utter disbelief and I then knew that I had fucked up. She did show up eventually to the party and then went on her festival run and left that same night.”

“Y/N, is that how you remember it?”

“Yes, I just couldn't fathom that he thought that I would ever want to do something to hurt our marriage. I haven't looked another man's way since we started dating and I still don't. He's everything that I ever wanted and more so what would be the point of that? It just really hurt me. I have this man's name tattooed on my body for everyone to see so why would I do that?”

“I can tell by the way you're talking about it that it still hurts you.”

“It does and the thing is that I am always putting everyone else's needs before my own. I have a big heart and that has always been the case. But I feel that Jack used that to his advantage.”

“How so?”

“If he called and said that he needed me, everything else would be forgotten at that moment. It doesn't matter anymore and we can go back to it once I go and make sure he’s okay. It didn't matter that I was trying to establish a career of my own. If my baby needed me, nothing was going to stop me from getting to him. It didn't matter how big or small the issue was and he knew that.”

“Hmm, Jack, what are your thoughts on that?”

“Now that she said it out loud, I can admit to taking advantage of her as horrible as that sounds. I never want to do that to my wife. I would call her because I know that out of anyone at the end of the day she has my back and my best interest. However, I also should have taken into consideration what she was trying to do for her career at that time because I was the one who pushed her to do it and make a name for herself.” 

“And I still put people's needs before my own. It's something that I have to learn to stop doing. That also takes me back to the whole Anitta thing.”

“What about her?”

“She threatened to release a portion of our sex tape in May and Jack didn't even tell me until December. That's when I called off the wedding, when I found out he lied to me.”

“Jack, why didn't you tell her?”

“I thought I could handle it on my own and simply make it go away. I wanted to shield her from that since a lot had happened between the two of them already. Not the smartest choice since it led to us not doing our big wedding for our five year anniversary.”

“And then I went on tour and found out I was pregnant…. With triplets.”

“And told me in a text message because we really weren't talking during that time.”

Urban glanced at you as you were feeding Autumn and called your name to get your attention. He had come over to check on you because you hadn't been acting like yourself and wanted to see if there was anything that he could do to make it better.

“Lil Bit.”

“Yes?” You answered as you looked up at him.

“Are you and Jack okay?”

“Depends on what your definition of okay is.”

“I… the two of you just seem sad and out of it lately.” Seeing his best friends’ marriage crumble before his eyes was not on this year's bingo card.

“Well we started going to therapy and Jack practically had to beg me to go. I don't know, Urban. I love him and we all know that's true. But the question is if our marriage is worth saving at this point?”

“Only the two of you are going to be able to answer that question at this point. I can't answer that for either of you. But I know that Jack loves you all the same and that he's doing everything he can to show you that he deserves another chance to get this right. He doesn't want to lose you.” Urban told you as you simply nodded and adjusted Autumn in your arms.

“My thing is that it should have never come to this.”

“I agree, but what's done is done and the only thing that the two of you can do is move forward. The triplets deserve to see a happy marriage between their parents and know what real love looks like.”

As soon as those words left Urban's mouth, it got you thinking that maybe he was right. You honestly couldn't see yourself with anyone except him despite all the two of you had gone through that year.

“But so much has happened and I… just don't know anymore.”

“You know that you love him. I know that loving someone isn't the only thing you need in order to make it work but it's a good start.”

“As the two of you sit in front of me, I've heard the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to your marriage, but I know one thing for certain. The two of you undeniably love each other despite everything that has happened. Yes, there were hardships and plenty of ups and downs, but Y/N, every time you even talk Jack lights up and looks at you like you hung all the stars in the sky. Usually in this room, it ends up being the complete opposite because by the time that couples get to me they are too far gone.”

She glanced at both of you and it looked as if you wanted to say something.

“Y/N? What's on your mind?”

“Um, I was just thinking that because of everything that happened, I wanted to separate from him for a while.”

Jack didn't dare let you see it, but tears had pricked his eyes.

“But, I have decided not to. If he's doing all of this and trying to put the effort in then I guess I can give him another chance. Because when I had suggested going to therapy and doing things to hopefully help us repair the relationship, he just waved me off. I feel as though this was too little too late but…”

“Y/N, it wasn’t too late because the two of you are sitting in front of me. That goes to show me despite it all, deep down you still had hope for your marriage too.”

“I have three kids to think about.”

“No, that's not it. Even though they deserve to see what love and happiness looks like, you also deserve the same thing. Jack, how does that make you feel hearing that Y/N wanted to separate from you?”

“It hurts. I've been in love with her since I first laid eyes on her. I know I've messed up and I can understand why she feels that way. I wasn't treating her how she deserved to be treated and it shouldn't have taken me almost losing her to realize that. She died in front of me not once, but twice. But I had already made it up in my mind that if I became a widow, there was no way in hell that I was marrying someone else.”

“And I'm not totally innocent either, but at one point I was damn near walking on eggshells and I shouldn't have to do that in my marriage. And you could have married someone else. I would not want you to be lonely for the rest of your life.”

“No, because I would always compare her to you and when it comes to you, no one comes close.” Jack said as he turned to you and took your hand in his.

“Besides, I was also scared that you were probably going to haunt me if I did.” He told you and a small smile broke out on your face. 

“So with that being said, I have homework for the two of you. If you want to start to repair this marriage and make it work, start dating each other again. It seems like ever since the triplets have been born that the two of you actually haven't spent time with each other with just the two of you. Let me know how this goes and I honestly can't wait to hear about it.”

The night was winding down at the Kentucky State Fair as you and Jack were sharing a funnel cake piled high with powdered sugar and strawberries. The two of you rode so many different things and decided that it was time for food before it was closing time. A few people had asked you and Jack for pictures, but for the most part they were keeping their distance and you almost felt normal. You guess it was the fact that they saw the two of you out and about so often. 

As the two of you were eating, you looked at Jack and giggled, noticing that he had powdered sugar on his nose.

“What? Why are you laughing at me?” He asked as he pinched your cheek.

“You have powdered sugar on your nose.” You told him as you wiped it off and then kissed the tip of it making him smile.

“Did you want anything else before we leave?” He asked and your eyes lit up as you looked towards the pigs that were across from the two of you. Jack followed your gaze and his eyes went wide.

“Baby, NO.”

“But….”

“I meant food wise! We have two pigs already! And the ones over there are huge! They're bigger than me!”

“Exaggerating much? Can't I just look!? Piggy Smalls and Pork Chop need a sibling.”

“They have one in the house already as in the bacon I ate this morning.” Jack replied as he began laughing.

“JACKMAN!”

“You can look from here. Now didn't you say you wanted fried oreos?”

“Yes, but you're forgetting something.”

“What's that babe?” He asked as he fed you the last of the funnel cake and made sure to get all of the powdered sugar off of your face. 

“You haven't won me a stuffed animal yet.”

“Let’s do it then. Which stuffed animal do you want?”

“The pig since you won't let me buy another one.”

“The two of you are smiling, so I take that as a good sign.” Fatima said as she looked at you and Jack and she that the two of you were basically sitting on top of each other and nodded.

“So, the dates went well?”

“Yes, we went bowling, he took me to the state fair, and we went to Vincezo's. We also had a cooking date where we made pasta from scratch. Surprised that Jack lived to tell the tale after that one.”

“HEY! I thought I did pretty good!”

“I mean it did end up being edible so I guess.” You told him as you laughed and he scrunched up his nose.

“We've come a long way. The two of you came to me about six months ago and Y/N was ready to call it quits. And now look at the two of you. Communicating how you should and taking the time out for each other. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you two and your well being gets put on the back burner. As of now, we can continue these sessions if the two of you want, but I truly don't see a need.”

“Oh, there was another thing.” Jack started to say and Fatima looked at him to continue.

“I played her ‘Down on Bended Knee’ because I feel that it summed up the point that we were at in our relationship. I was desperate and willing to do anything for her to forgive me and make her see that she is still the only person that I want to do life with.

“That’s an amazing song choice. I know you were at a loss. Dealing with her dying in front of you, the birth of the triplets and the possibility of losing your only son, the miscarriage, Y/N working her way through postpartum depression and that isn't even all of it. But the two of you pushed through all of it with the undying love that you share between each other and I'm so proud of the both of you.”

“Now, I feel like I can finally get the big wedding that I always wanted.” You said confidently as you twirled your wedding ring around your finger not knowing that Jack had already started planning it in the back of his mind.

Jack noticed how you were looking at him as the two of you were laughing on your first date night in a while since the two of you had been so busy with everything going on around you. The triplets were with Urban and the two of you had finally finished going to marriage counseling, however, Fatima told the two of you to reach out whenever you needed her no matter how big or small. 

The two of you were still seeing your regular therapists and it was helping you communicate better with one another to set up to have a positive household environment for the triplets.

“Why are you looking at me like that baby girl?” Jack asked as he stole a sip of your iced tea and then slid it back across the table.

“Nothing. I’m just really happy.” You said while smiling back at him.

“Why, is it because I rearranged your guts this morning or? I mean I can do it again once we leave here too, it’s not a problem. Just say the word.”

“Jackman! Shut up!” You responded and continued to laugh.

“What? I was just asking.” Jack said as he shrugged.

“You want me to be honest?” You said while starting to play with the fabric at the bottom of your dress.

“Of course I want you to be honest with me. That’s all I ever want.”

“I’m trying to think of the best way to describe it.”

“Take your time, sweetheart. We have all night.”

“Loving you feels lighter.”

“What do you mean?” Jack asked as he was trying to understand what you were saying.

“I just feel that before with all that we were going through, I felt a heaviness I guess I should say. Every day I woke up not knowing if our marriage was going to survive and I hated having that feeling. I wanted for us to be okay again.”

“And now we finally are. And I’m thankful that you gave us another chance.”

“I mean you got me fucked up if you thought you were getting rid of me that easily. Been together since we were fifteen and love like that doesn’t go away overnight.”

“I never want to get rid of you, you know me better than that. If anything, my love for you continues to grow every single day. It doesn’t matter if we have a bad day or not. It’s just knowing that I have you by my side makes it all worth it because I know we’ll do anything for each other and make sure that the other is okay. No matter how big or small the issues might be.”

“Okay that will be the second time you made me cry today.” You said as you could feel the tears in the corners of your eyes.

“Don’t cry, baby! I’m just being honest. I honestly don’t think there’s enough words in any language on earth that can describe how much I love you and care about you."

"Yep, now I'm crying." You said through your tears and Jack immediately grabbed your left hand to kiss the back of it as he played with your wedding ring.

"Putting this ring on your finger was the best thing I've ever done and you have my heart. Always."

[sleepy-steve]

🧠🪱 Wiggly Wednesday Thursday 🧠 🪱

thank you for tagging me @stervrucht 🖤

no pressure tags: @frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe @stevesbipanic and of course anyone else that would like to ♡

thinking about Steve and Eddie who, after going through rounds of physical therapy after everything, continue to work out together because Steve obviously loves it and loves having a friend to work out with. and Eddie notices the difference in his stamina when he gets back to performing on stage. (and if Eddie likes to watch Steve work out a little bit, and likes Steve coming over to help his form more than a little bit, well that’s his business.) but Steve takes a dance class and shakes up his usual warmup, leaving Eddie with some… thoughts.

***

“Okay, Munson,” Steve says, pulling his arm across his body for a shoulder stretch. “You ready?”

“Ready to be tortured? Always,” Eddie jokes. It was their thing. Eddie acts like he hates being there, but he still shows up every other day to their local gym in Indianapolis. And he won’t ever deny the benefits he’s noticed since starting their exercise regime. He's faster on stage, doesn't get winded near as easily, holding those screaming notes without feeling like his lungs will explode. Little did he know that today his joke would come to be true.

Steve liked most kinds of exercise. He was a sporty guy. He liked the pull and stretch of his muscles, the feeling of accomplishment after achieving a new goal, that delicious soreness the day after a really good workout. But mostly he loved trying new things. He’d give anything half a chance if he thought it might be fun. Which is how he ended up at a dance-aerobics class the week prior, finding himself having a lot of fun, blushing furiously when the women in the class complimented how quickly he picks up the steps.

He went back three more times that week. Part of his enjoyment came from the new warmup he was taught in the class. Steve’s usual warmup consisted of basic stretches and a light jog, covering all bases to ensure he didn’t get injured, but not very exciting.

This, however, was far more enjoyable. Steve found himself sinking deep into stretches he didn't know he had flexibility for, and moving his hips to a beat, ultimately just having way more fun with the warmup. And it was about to become a huge problem for Eddie.

Steve pops his headphones over his ears, the tape deck tucked securely in his shorts pocket. He bends over, inhaling deeply as the song starts, rising up with his hands overhead, exhaling as he rolls his wrists, hips moving side to side with the beat. His already short cropped t-shirt rises, showing off a good amount of his chest. He lets his arms come down, bending over again, feeling the pull in his hamstrings. Gripping his elbows, he lets the top half of his body hang, swinging from side to side, his hamstrings fully stretched out.

Eddie looks up from his own basic stretching, shocked to see Steve fully bent over, because hey, since when was he so flexible? With Metallica blaring through his own headphones, Eddie just stares, completely forgetting where he was at in his warmup.

Steve lets his hands drop, moving to one foot, back to the centre, then the other foot. Ass just up in the air, his shorts way too tight. Eddie swallows. He’d been denying his crush for months at this point, and good god this was not helping.

Rolling his shoulders as he stands up, Steve lets his hands travel down his bare thighs, sinking into a squat with his back arched and head tilted back. Eddie's eyes are wide as he watches those tight little shorts with the little cut-ins on the sides ride up, showing far more of Steve's glorious hairy thighs than Eddie can handle. Steve drops his head forward, hunching his shoulders as he moves back to standing. He repeats the motions, and Eddie wishes he had the strength to pull his stare away from Steve's ass.

Seeing Steve's head tilted back and his back arched is sending Eddie insane. Like, he geninely thinks he might evaporate on the spot if he keeps watching. But he just can't look away.

Turning himself sideways, Steve has one foot stepped out in front of the other, legs perfectly straightened into a triangle shape, bent over his front leg. Just when Eddie thinks he’s about to get up and end his suffering, Steve lowers himself down into a lunge. His little shorts definitely way too small and tight for the movement, Steve lunges back and forth, fingertips resting on the ground on either side of his front foot. Eddie watches as the t-shirt rides up with each lunge, the desire to get his lips and tongue all over Steve's chest overwhelming him.

Shaking himself, Eddie tries to remember which shoulder stretch he was up to. He attempts something close to a stretch, but he can’t be sure he's doing it right, because Steve has lowered himself to the ground, front leg bent and back leg perfectly straight, and is fucking thrusting into the ground. If he were to ask Steve, he’d find out this was a hip flexor stretch. But Eddie’s forgotten how to form words entirely, suddenly imagining nineteen different ways he wants to get dicked down by the man before him.

Eddie suffers in silence, heart racing in his chest, watching as Steve repeats the movements on his other side. He prays that the torture ends soon, that they can just get to the workout, and Eddie can go back to pretending he doesn't want to ride Steve until his thighs give out. But Eddie gets no such luck.

Steve has moved into some kind of triangle position, hands on the ground, legs straight, and of fucking course, his ass in the air. Eddie marvels at how straight the shape is, only for a moment, because then Steve is lifting his heels up and down in turn, and jesus christ those tiny little shorts are just riding up, and Eddie can see a hint of Steve's ass peeking out. His jaw drops. He may actually explode.

Just when Eddie's thinking he can't take much more of this, Steve lowers himself down, knees spread wide, arms stretched out in front of him and head tucked down. A wild and rushed series of thoughts fly across Eddie's mind, all centred around Steve kneeling down in front of him. Eddie needs to get it together quickly.

As Steve brings himself back up to the triangle position, walking his feet to meet his hands and rolling his spine up, shoulders and head rolling back last, he sees Eddie taking off for his warmup jog. Assuming that he probably just took too long with his new warmup, Steve shrugs it off and starts his jog shortly after.

Eddie hits his personal best in several weights that day, desperately trying to expend his excess energy in some way. He barely registers the wins, mind still stuck on Steve and his perfect ass in all those new positions. He almost dissolves on the spot when Steve claps him on the shoulder in congratuations.

At the end of their session, Eddie takes a freezing cold shower and prays for the sweet release of death.

[thedemoninme141]

Her Heartbeat, Chapter 4: Her Walls.

Summary: The therapy session is torture for Wednesday, made even worse by the fact that you seem to enjoy it.

Warnings: NONE STILL NOT IN A MOOD TO BRING THE ANGST!!!!

Previous ChapterWorklist.

Wednesday fully expected you to be insufferable during the maths class. She braced herself for your annoying chatter, the constant whining about how boring the class was, and pointless attempts to get her attention. But to her surprise, you were... tolerable.

A part of her kept glancing at you, expecting something, waiting for you to break the silence and turn back to throw some insipid remark her way. But you never did. Instead, your head remained down, taking notes as if nothing else existed in the world but the math equations she learned years ago.

It felt.. weird.. Wednesday couldn't understand it.

After class, Wednesday didn’t see you. Of course, your schedule was different. She was relieved, or at least, she told herself she was. Other students, having witnessed her outburst in the quad, avoided her path as if she were a rabid animal. Good. She preferred it that way.

Still, as she walked into fencing class, she couldn’t help but notice Bianca’s absence. Pathetic. Bianca could’ve at least tried to channel her anger into something productive, like giving Wednesday a real challenge. Instead, she chose self-pity. It was disappointing, really. But there was another problem: none of the other students wanted to spar with her either. Even the coach didn’t bother forcing anyone to step up. So Wednesday sat through the entire class, watching others clumsily clash swords, her grip tightening on her sabre with each passing second. She’s going to maim Bianca next time they’re in the same room.

By the time she returned to her room, she felt a strange, simmering tension in her chest. She washed up, as usual, but for some reason, she found herself standing in front of Enid’s mirror, checking her appearance. Why? Why did it even matter? Annoyed with herself, she forced her mind back to the present.

It's time for torture and not the good kind.

When she arrived at the therapy building, she saw you leaning against the wall outside, cheap headphones covering your ears. Your eyes were closed as you hummed softly, lost in your own little world. Wednesday’s gaze lingered on you longer than it should have. She took in every detail—the way your lips moved ever so slightly with the melody, the way your fingers tapped gently against your leg in rhythm, the faint smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.

The sound of your humming... it did something to her. She couldn’t place the feeling. But there it was again, like an itch she couldn’t quite scratch. “Hey,” you greeted, pulling your headphones off. “So, what’s the plan for today’s therapy session? Maybe you can tell me more about how much you don’t care.” Wednesday gritted her teeth. "The plan is for you to sit quietly and not bother me." You chuckled, clearly not taking her seriously. “Got it. This is going to be fun.”

David beamed and clapped his hands. "Wednesday! Finally found a partner, huh? That’s great! I’m so proud of you! The first step is always finding a friend." Wednesday’s eyes darkened, and she shot him a deadpan stare. “If I were you, I wouldn’t confuse necessity with friendship. We’re not going to hold hands and braid each other's hair.” David's smile remained annoyingly the same, “Well, you know, every relationship starts somewhere!” Wednesday muttered something unintelligible under her breath, most likely about wishing she could bury him somewhere. You stood beside her, fighting the urge to laugh at the interaction. Your lips curled into a smirk, and you elbowed Wednesday lightly. "See, he's already proud of you. That's progress!" “Be silent, or I will make you regret ever breathing,” Wednesday hissed in return, but you just chuckled. David’s smile was still the same, "Well! Let’s get started, everyone!"

The room was already filled with other unfortunate souls, each paired off with their so-called “partners.” They all sat in a circle, as though that would somehow make this agonizing process more bearable. “Alright, everyone’s here, so let’s get started!” David said, clapping his hands together. “Today’s session is all about why we chose our therapy partners. The person who’s helping us on our journey to be better, more balanced people. Alex, why don’t you go first?” Alex scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “Uh, yeah, so, Milo’s, like, my best friend, y’know? He helps me not punch walls when I’m mad at my dad. He’s super chill and doesn’t, like, ask too many questions. That’s why I picked him.” Milo just nodded, looking half asleep. “Yeah. We vibe.”

Wednesday felt the beginnings of a headache coming on. She glanced at you, expecting to see a similar expression of exasperation, but instead, you were trying (and failing) to stifle your laughter.

David nodded with excessive enthusiasm. “That’s wonderful, Alex! Learning to control our impulses is such an important step. Okay, Rick, your turn.” “Well, I chose Ashley because I know where she hid the body,” Rick said casually, causing Ashley to elbow him sharply in the ribs. The room went silent, everyone staring at them. Wednesday's interest piqued for the first time since arriving. Congratulations, you are hired. David, slightly flustered, cleared his throat. “I... I think we’re going to pretend we didn’t hear that, Moving on! Brooke, how about you?” Brooke, a girl with bright pink hair, clasped her hands together dramatically. “I chose Mike because... because I believe we’re destined to help each other. You know, like twilight.” Mike blinked at her, clearly bewildered. “You met me like, ten minutes ago.” “Exactly! Fate.” Brooke grinned widely, completely unbothered by Mike’s confusion.

Wednesday facepalmed, wishing the earth would open up and swallow her whole before this circus of a session continued.

“Okay, Carl and Eddie, how about you?” David asked, his enthusiasm unshaken. “I chose Eddie because... well... he’s my cousin. And our family said if we don’t start ‘working on our issues,’ they’ll stop letting us come to Thanksgiving.” Eddie nodded solemnly. “Can’t lose the turkey, man.”

Wednesday clenched her fists, trying to maintain her composure. This was, without a doubt, the worst form of torture she’d ever endured. Worse than Bianca. Worse than Enid’s surprise hugs. Worse than your smile— “And last but not least, Wednesday and Y/n,” David chirped, turning to her expectantly. “Tell us why you chose your partner!” Wednesday groaned, already dreading this. She didn’t choose you. She got stuck with you, and that was an entirely different situation. Not that it mattered. David would twist it into some sick, heartwarming story about growth and friendship. “I helped her kidn—” You quickly cut Wednesday off “She helped me take care of my brother’s kids. So, I’m helping her in return.” The room fell silent. Wednesday’s eyes snapped toward you, narrowing dangerously. Taking care of kids? That was your excuse? Of all the ridiculous things you could’ve said, that was what you went with? And yet, somehow, it worked. The group nodded as if you’d just revealed some profound truth. David, predictably, beamed. “That’s wonderful! Helping each other is exactly what this program is about!” Wednesday’s jaw clenched. She hated this. She hated the entire scenario. But what she hated most was how easily you had manipulated the situation. How easily you had turned the group’s attention in your favor. You were playing a game—a game she was determined not to lose. You leaned back in your chair, clearly enjoying yourself. Wednesday shot you a look that could’ve killed, but you merely smirked. You are insufferable, she thought, her irritation reaching new heights. And then, as if things couldn’t get worse, David announced the next activity: a communication exercise.

This day just keeps getting better.

The collective groan that echoed through the room was almost palpable. Even the most upbeat participants looked deflated. Wednesday, however, remained silent, though her jaw clenched slightly at the thought of partaking in this ridiculous charade. David, as usual, didn’t notice the room's resistance. He pressed on, walking over to the whiteboard and scribbling “Empathy is Key” in bold, enthusiastic letters. “Remember, it’s all about empathy! We’re learning to understand each other better, to grow emotionally, to have control over our emotions, to understand other's emotions and to support our partners in their personal journeys.” You leaned over toward Wednesday and whispered "This must be your favorite part." Before Wednesday could reply with the dark retort brewing in her mind, David began calling out pairs to start the exercise. "Alright, let’s have Rick and Ashley go first. Rick, why don’t you tell us about a recent challenge you’ve faced?" Rick, still smirking from his earlier comment about the hidden body, shrugged. “I dunno. I guess I’m struggling with how to keep my drug selling a secret from my mom.” David shot him a look, clearly unsure whether or not he was joking. “Okay, maybe let’s keep it a little more… grounded, Rick. Something real, something you’ve been working through emotionally.” Rick rolled his eyes but finally relented. “Fine, fine. I guess it’s dealing with my anger issues. Like, I tend to fly off the handle whenever I get stressed out at school, and I took it out on my mom the other day. I didn’t mean to, but I just snapped, and now I feel kind of guilty about it.” David nodded, his smile now one of understanding. “That’s a great start, Rick. Now, Ashley, how do you think Rick felt in that moment?” Ashley, who had been mostly silent up to this point, glanced nervously at Rick before speaking softly. “I think... I think he felt frustrated and maybe overwhelmed. Like, he didn’t know how to deal with the pressure, so he lashed out.”

David beamed. “Exactly! It’s about understanding where the other person is coming from. Well done, both of you!”

Wednesday groaned inwardly. What's next? Group hugs?

One by one, each pair shared their challenges. Most of the stories were mundane—failed tests, fights with siblings, petty grievances about social media. But Wednesday barely paid attention. Instead, she was counting down the seconds until it would be over.

And then, it was your turn.

David turned to you with that same eager expression he’d had since the beginning. “Alright, Y/N and Wednesday! Who wants to go first?”

You gave Wednesday a playful nudge. “Ladies first?” Wednesday shot you a cold glare, her fingers tightening around the edge of her chair. “No. You will go first. I refuse to partake in this farce until absolutely necessary.” You chuckled but didn’t argue. “Alright, alright.” You turned to David, scratching the back of your head as you thought for a moment. “A challenge I’ve faced recently, huh? Well, I guess... it’s been trying to balance everything. You know, school, family stuff, and figuring out what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. It feels like everything’s happening at once and... everything is going extremely fast." David nodded sympathetically. “That’s a very real struggle, Y/N. It’s common to feel overwhelmed when there’s so much happening at once. Wednesday, how do you think Y/N felt in that moment?”

Wednesday stared at you, her expression unreadable. She didn’t want to indulge in this ridiculous exercise, but she knew David wouldn’t let them leave until they participated. So, she took a slow breath and answered, her tone flat and clinical.

“You felt lost,” she said simply. “Like you were being pulled in different directions, unsure of which path to take. You hate having pressure, having to choose between two things, I won't say it's selfishness, it's curiosity."

You blinked, slightly taken aback by the accuracy of her response. For a moment, there was a flicker of something between you- something in Wednesday's eyes that you couldn't catch.

Wednesday’s walls went up again, and her gaze hardened.

David’s eyes widened, clearly impressed. “Wow, Wednesday! That was... really insightful! You nailed it.”

“I only said what was obvious,” she muttered, crossing her arms.

David, clearly overjoyed by how “well” the exercise had gone, clapped his hands together again. “That was fantastic, everyone! Great job today. I think we’re really making progress. I have to go out of town tomorrow so gonna have to move our schedule" Finally some good news. "Don't worry, something special awaits then." OF COURSE "Also, it will be the other person’s turn to discuss their recent challenge next.” He glanced pointedly at Wednesday, who sighed inwardly.

You stood up, stretching lazily before turning to Wednesday with a grin. “They are kinda.. umm.. different.” Wednesday stared at you blankly. “I’m considering taking out a restraining order on every single person in this room.” You laughed, shaking your head. “You’re fun, you know that?” “I am not fun,” Wednesday spat, clearly disgusted by the notion. You laughed, clearly enjoying her irritation. “Come on, it wasn’t that bad. Besides, you did pretty well. You’re good at reading people.” Wednesday rolled her eyes. “Reading people is easy. Dealing with them is the real challenge.” You raised an eyebrow, that familiar smirk tugging at the corners of your lips. “Is that your way of saying I’m a challenge?” Wednesday glared at you, she felt something inside, something she wasn’t ready to acknowledge yet. “You are an inconvenience. One that I intend to rectify.” You chuckled again. “Well, I’ll take that as a compliment."

As you both stepped out of the therapy building, you took a deep breath, savoring the brief moment of freedom from the exhausting session. Wednesday walked beside you, her silence heavy but not unwelcome. Without thinking too much, you broke the silence. "Hey, want to grab a coffee?" Wednesday stopped in her tracks, her dark eyes narrowing as she turned to face you. “What is with you?” You blinked, confused by her sudden sharpness. “What?” “This.” She waved a hand between you. “All this. You trying to spend time with me. Your part is just the therapy, so why do you keep pushing for more?” Her question caught you off guard. You hadn’t expected her to be so direct about it. There was an answer you could give, one you weren’t quite ready to say aloud yet, but you couldn’t let the silence stretch too long. “I didn’t mean to offend you with my forwardness,” you began, choosing your words carefully. “I just wanted to get to know you, since we barely had the chance since yesterday.” “Why? Why do you want to know me? What is your real intention?” “Wednesday...” you sighed, searching for the right words. “People can get close to you without any real intention, you know?” “No. They always have an intention. Tyler did.” The name felt heavy, and for a moment, there was a glint of something in her expression—bitterness. “The sheriff’s boy from Weathervane Café?” you asked, “He always gave me the creeps. What’s with him though? I heard he was the monster killing people in the woods. Was he close?” “He tried to court me.” You winced. “Gee, you have a taste.” Wednesday rolled her eyes, her irritation palpable. “I didn’t know he was the Hyde then, idiot.” “Ah yes, the classic ‘your love interest is the killer all along.’” She shot you a glare. “What now?” “Nothing,” you waved it off. “Anyway, I can’t turn into a Hyde, but I do wish I could turn into a cat and sleep all day. Aaaand, you can give me some remark about how you’d rather drink acid than have coffee with me. I wouldn’t mind. I would just go for the coffee alone.” You turned and began walking away, pretending to dismiss the whole interaction casually. You could feel her eyes boring into the back of your head. What were you even doing? Pushing Wednesday like this? Wednesday wasn't even wrong, you did have an intention but it wasn’t something you could explain—at least, not yet.

After a few steps, you suddenly felt her presence beside you. Surprised, you glanced over at her.

“I am only going because I want to,” Wednesday muttered. “And you are paying for the coffee.”

Next Chapter [Sorry for the late update, Had to cook]

[villainofmyownstory]

Blurry

Part 2

masterlist

part 1 | 1.2 | part 3

pairing: exhusband!Captain John Price x fem!Reader

summary: You visit your ex-husband, in your once shared home. The memories are painful. But only for you. Unfortunately, after that one bloody mission, John doesn't remember you. The memory of your life together, blurred in his mind.

tags: afab reader, hurt, ex lovers, ex-husband, recollection of death, loss of memory, ambiguous/open ending

2.5k words

author's note: @blackhawkfanatic @who-needs-to-sleep @rafaelacallinybbay because you asked about part 2 <3

If anyone wants to be added or removed from the taglist - let me know.

——————————————————————————————————

Something inside you has broken.

It seems that for a long time, you were pieces that were temporarily glued together.

In the end, pretending was a good thing.

After all, the one who laughs the loudest internally cries the hardest. 

Since those three days, weeks have passed. And somehow you couldn't move on. Maybe you should ask about that ring on his finger that unexpectedly appeared. Or maybe you should forget, finally move on, start living your life as before and never look back.

And of course, the phone rang every day. The boys, as usual, cared about you, not just him. After all, the captain's orders were to take care of you, too.

Even if he said those words so long ago. Before.

Do you think these waters will ever be shallower? That the current of the river, will carry you away and let you swim inertly to another shore? Or will you drown in the mud and your body sink inertly to the bottom. Forgotten. Left until your flesh rots, disintegrates eaten by river creatures.

His warm hands gently hold your waist. Keeping you from falling off the chair. Even though this is November outside it's already exceptionally cold. It even snowed lightly today. However, there was no longer any sign of it now.

You try to concentrate on decorating the tree, but the presence of a man in your flat is slightly overwhelming.

You let him. You accepted it all. Feeling inside, somewhere deep under your ribs, that this is madness. But despite everything, this discomfort, the smile doesn't leave your face.

You look down at him, his hands still holding your hips. Maybe you can stay like this for a while longer. You feel safe. Wanted. Needed. Belonged to someone.

”I'll turn on the lights”

he says finally helping you off the chair. You take a few steps away to get a better view.

Your first Christmas together. Never mind that it's just the two of you. And you don't mind that it's November.

What matters is that someone finally put your broken pieces together.

He was just yours.

In a few days he had to go on a mission. For unknown amount of time.

So this year Christmas came sooner. And you glance at him as he looks at the decorated Christmas tree with pride written on his face. To turn his gaze to you with the same delight.

”Somethin' wrong?”

You don't answer, blushing slightly. No one has ever looked at you like that.

”Nothing”

you mumble embarrassed

”You look nice in that Christmas sweater” you reply and reluctantly glance back at tree.

”Do you like snowmen, dove?”

The phone rings. It rings nonstop. A familiar picture appears on the screen.

That's right, today is Wednesday.

You allow yourself not to answer.

Several times.

Finally, you slide your finger across the screen.

"Everythin’ okay?"

Kyle, as usual without greeting, gets straight to the point

"I've been waiting for an hour and you're not here. Do you want me to come get you?"

Silence.

"Or maybe I should call Simon?"

That will do.

"I'll be there in half an hour."

You sigh, slowly letting the air out, as if you've been holding it in your lungs for the last few minutes. You quickly take the keys and leave the cold apartment.

You let him hold your hand. Maybe it's weakness. Maybe longing. Or maybe selfishness.

When the therapy is over and you're sitting in his car, you see a Tupperware container in the back seat. You know very well what it means.

"Jessica thought you'd be hungry. You know how she is.  She always cooks too much, and Captain won't eat it all himself” Kyle hands you a heavy container and a spoon

"How long?"

You don't dare raise your eyes, heavy eyelids close for a moment. The world starts spinning again. You don't want to hear that she is there again. Why is she there. After all, it was your home too. Never hers.

But of whom you want to make a fool, you know very well the reason.

"Two weeks." Kyle looks through the windshield, nervously tapping his fingers on the steering wheel

"Friday will be three years from-"

"Don't."

You speak quickly and dryly. You don't want to hear it. You know perfectly well that Friday is the anniversary of the accident.

You should be the one standing in the kitchen. It should be you. There.

"Should I drive you back to your apartment? One of the guys will drive the car back later."

You don't answer, your eyelids are heavy. It's as if they've stuck together and don't want to give you even a hint of light. Any comfort of a still bright day.

Drowning. To sink into the darkness. In an abyss of pain. Rot and suffer. This is your destiny. Forgotten.

"Hey, do you want to talk? Maybe someone should stay with you for the next few days?"

Kyle looks at you, sees your gray, tired face. The dark circles under your eyes. Hair that hasn't been cared for by a stylist in years. Fallen cheeks and chapped lips. Someone else is sitting in that car. It's not you anymore.

When you finally get back to your place, you toss the food container into the trash can and, still in your coat and shoes, lie down on the couch, in the living room. You stare dully at the blank wall, hoping that maybe sleep will come now.

It was better with you before, you were already walking on that straight path. Without stumbling, colors appeared on the sides. The sun was rising more and more for you. But again, a shadow that hid somewhere behind you covered your silhouette. Leaning heavily on your shoulders.

Late in the afternoon, when night slowly replaced day, and red and pink colours dance on the walls in the room, you finally fall asleep.

And again, a nightmare comes. You wish you could wake up and stay awake, stare at the ceiling and not have to relive it all over again. Maybe insomnia was some kind of cure for you. An escape.

And here you are in this place. Another broken promise. Once again you are doing something against yourself. You're sitting in the guest room on fresh evenly laid sheets.

In his home.

But when the phone rang in the middle of the night and on the other end you heard from, none other than Ghost (not to be confused with Simon, at that moment he is speaking to you as a soldier, the Captain). So it wasn't even a request. Just a command. Since John's memory had improved considerably since your last visit, along with the doctors, Ghost decided that you would stay with him this time for longer. Due to the fact that Johnny was injured and needed time to rest. Ghost and Gaz went on missions together. This time, to your misfortune, for a few weeks. And Jessica with kids couldn't stay for longer. Everyone had their own responsibilities. So you were chosen. The last option.

When you arrived, John wasn't there yet, he was going to rehab on Thursdays. So you got a few more hours of freedom before he returned. However, something paralyzed you to leave the room. The suitcase stood next to the bed, still unpacked.

The smell in the house, despite such a long time and so many different people who came in every now and then, remained the same. Cigars and burning wood from the fireplace.

Overwhelming. Now suffocating.

And those damn beige walls. Boring, nauseating. But eventually, it had to be repainted, three years ago these four walls witnessed your darkest moments in life.

Maybe it's better to sleep downstairs in the living room.

When John returns and enters the house, everything happens as if you were a different person - a spectator sitting in the front row, watching with bated breath the scene being played out. A scene from the movie called your life.

John puts his keys down on the dresser in the hallway, walks into the living room looks at the already made-up couch and turns in your direction with surprise. And you stand still with a wooden spoon in your hand, not even blinking.

"Oh there you are darling. Are we supposed to have guests tonight?"

You answer absolutely nothing, still standing motionless at the kitchen island, dismayed to see him slowly walk towards you.

And as if nothing ever happened, he grabs you lightly, squeezing your hip, and leans down to kiss your forehead. The kiss seems to last an eternity. It's almost like he's been kissed you for the first time.

He always did that when he came back to you.

But that was then. It was never - after.

"Somethin' wrong?"

He moves away from you and smiles gently, tilting his head, waiting for an answer.

You finally gain some strength in yourself and despite the unreality of the whole situation, which seems as if your brain is playing with you and replaying a scene from the past.

You finally nod slowly, in denial.

"I'll change and help you, I'm exhausted after today's new exercises. But I'm pretty flexible considering my age."

Saying this he smiles wider.

"And how was your day, at work?"

The wooden spoon fell to the countertop with a bang. Echoing in the room.

Mumbling apologetic words, you quickly evade him. You say something about a forgotten business, about making an urgent phone call.

You don't know who to call. Your hands are shaking and wet with sweat. ''It didn't happen.'' you mumble to yourself. Someone who was in charge of your life was a fucking prankster . Every time it seemed like nothing was going to happen, a new unknown and unannounced thing popped up from around the corner. A bloody joke.

Finally deciding to call Johnny, even though he was recently injured and supposed to be resting, you had to hear someone's familiar voice. Something that confirms that you have your feet on the ground. Something that makes you reassure yourself that you're not crazy.

After two signals he picks up and when he hears your frightened voice when you tell him about the situation from a moment ago.  Johnny will be here in two hours.

It's nothing that the wound on his thigh hasn't healed yet. Because if his Captain has finally regained his memory. He would, even if he had to walk 1,000 miles barefoot. He would do it without hesitation.

Just to have him back.

So you had to face John somehow, waiting for those two hours. And that seemed to be no easy thing to do. Because you no longer knew what awaited you on the other side of the beige bedroom. Who was the man who just a few weeks ago, every time he saw you, didn't recognize you and asked the same questions.

Was this the old, kindest John, the one you fell in love with many years ago.Was it even still possible, or was what you heard a few minutes ago some kind of error in his hollow, broken memory.

And again, the same scenery. How many times will it all be the same almost so familiar, and in truth so distant and foreign.

John's already dressed in more comfortable clothes, a plain plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and comfortable old, slightly rubbed jeans.

You stand in the threshold of the kitchen nervously clutching the phone, holding it as if it were some sort of lifeline, a connection to something that will save you. Well, from what, exactly? From a man who acts as if the last years, that tragedy never happened, and your marriage continued uninterrupted. Happily.

"Why don't we eat on the terrace? It's a really nice afternoon today."

John is standing at the countertop, his back turned to you cheerfully humming tunes known only to himself.

And you, you stand praying that by some miracle Johnny will get here sooner.

Despite your fatigue after a day's work, you cheerfully bustle around the kitchen, preparing a late supper. John was supposed to come back today, even though it had only been a week. The longing for him was great. Especially since just 3 weeks ago you had written in the documents, different name. Now, you proudly looked at your finger many times a day, seeing no longer an engagement ring. But something much more important.

A gold wedding ring.

Mrs. Price.

Not only was his return a cause for celebration, there was something else.

Once dinner is ready, the table is a bit over-decorated. The room, and practically the whole house, is illuminated only by the candles that have been set up. You stand nervously in the kitchen in your hands holding a small gift bag.

The dress is rather too elegant, as well. But you want this moment to be special, unique. Unforgettable.

Finally, this long-listened-for sound is interrupted by the only oddity you hear - the beating of your own heart.

John stands in the threshold with astonishment

"Honey? What's-?"

Slowly you hear his heavy footsteps, and after a moment you see him. A tired face, this time with longer facial stubble than usual. He is still dressed in a dirty tactical uniform. You don't even want to know what he witnessed in his absence.

He walks up to you and, as usual, one hand rests on your hip gently squeezing it and a warm kiss lands on your forehead.

"Some celebration? don't tell me I forgot about some important anniversary."

John looks up at you, despite his fatigue, his eyes shining happily illuminated by the candlelight.

"No, you haven't forgotten anything. It's something else."

Speaking, you grab a colorful bag and hand it to him

"A gift? oh, that means it is some positive occasion for me. For us?"

You smile nervously waiting for him to see what's inside.

Definitely a very positive news.

Time passes slowly. It's as if someone has pressed the slow motion button on the remote control to see the details better.

John, still in a good mood, finishes preparing the meal and finally turns in your direction and looks at you

"White or red?"

You bite your lower lip, feeling a coppery aftertaste in your mouth.

"Why are you doing this, John? Why is this happening again?"

Slowly saying these words, you look at his hands, which he wipes inattentively.

"But, what's the matter? I wanted to help you with dinner, dove. And I asked what kind of wine you wanted to drink. That's all."

With each step he takes toward you, you back away until you hit the wall.

"Tomorrow you will forget everything again, I don't have the strength anymore. I shouldn't have agreed to this. Again."

John stands close, much too close.

"How could I forget my biggest sweetheart? My beautiful wife? There's no way I'll ever forget you."

You finally lift your gaze, and look into his eyes. Hoping to see the same spark he once had, long ago.

However, all you see is emptiness. A faded blue.

And the only thought in your mind is for Johnny to hurry up and rescue you from this nightmare.

[leadpoisioning]

The Crypt

Tyler Galpin x Fem!Reader

SMUT (18+)((size kink, wax play, praising, dirty talk)

Word Count: 1,333

Tyler takes advantage of your trusting nature with himself, and surprises you with something new on a late night journey to Crackstone’s Crypt

The first time you ran into Tyler, you actually ran into him. He was running late to his therapy session with Valerie and you were walking to the Weathervane for a bite to eat while you studied.

“Shit, I’m sorry- are you alright?” He asks, looking down at you. You can’t help but notice his towering height above you.

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine.” He holds out his hand and easily pulls you off the ground.

“You’re (Y/N), right? Nevermore student?” You weren’t in your typical Nevermore uniform since it was Saturday, so he knew you. But you knew him too. You nod and grin.

“Yeah, and you’re Tyler- you work at the Weathervane.” He nods.

“Listen I’m running late, but would you want to go out sometime?” Your heart swells at the offer and you agree, letting him know you’ll be at the Weathervane if he wants to meet after.

All he can think about during his therapy session is you. Dr. Kinbott takes notice of his happier attitude and encourages him to pursue this nice distraction. However, he’d decided that the minute he saw you enter the Weathervane with Wednesday two weeks back. He loved the way he could tower over you, forcing you to look up just to catch his eyes. Today was even better, it truly was an accident, but now he had an excuse to meet you. After the session he immediately strolls over to his work, seeing you at a booth through the window.

Since that day you and Tyler had never been happier. He took you on countless dates, even going as far as letting you meet his father. He was hesitant at first, but deemed you harmless enough after the third meeting. Tyler knew that also carried over into the bedroom, or wherever you two wanted each other. His size made it easy for you to melt into him, always seeking refuge in his large figure. He could protect you, and you fully trusted him with that fact. Which is why you followed him out to Crackstone’s Crypt without a second thought.

“What have you got planned?” You ask, pulling the blanket further around yourself. Currently, Tyler had you sat across from him in one of the Nevermore canoes, rowing to what you presume is Crackstone’s Crypt. You’d been there a few times with your friends, but you had no idea Tyler knew how to get to it this easily.

He seems to have read your mind.

“It’s a surprise, a few friends and I have been planning it for a few days. All for you.” You flush, the lantern illuminating your face. You hum and dip your hand in the cool water, waiting to land on the island.

He gently guides you out of the canoe and onto land when you arrive.

“I’m going to blindfold you.” He warns, pulling the strip of fabric around your head. You cling to him as he leads you into the crypt. He leaves your embrace for a moment to mess with something before coming back to undo the blindfold.

The crypt is filled with lights, and near the center is a cozy slab of blankets and pillows surrounded with different candles.

“I was thinking we could try something new.” He starts, wrapping his arms around you from behind. His head rests above yours, lips pressing a kiss against your temple.

“Yeah? Alright.” You agree. Tyler grins, turning your head to kiss you.

“Undress and lay down for me.” He politely hums. You do as you’re asked and relax comfortably, watching as Tyler does the same. Biting your lip slightly, you watch his arms flex as he pulls his shirt over his head. You press your thighs together when he begins to remove his pants. He pauses. “No, keep them open for me.” Spreading them, he continues. His large cock stands half hard already.

He kneels down in between your legs, grabbing one of the candles carefully. He swirls the waxy cylinder around, watching as the molten wax pools in the center.

“Do you trust me?” His hair bounces as his head dips, looking you in the eyes.

“Yes, Tyler.” He leans down, kissing just below your navel before pouring the warmed liquid where his lips previously pressed. You gasp, feeling the warmth run off to the sides before cooling and hardening over your skin. Your moan is music to Tyler’s ears,

“Good girl.” He lets the wax steadily drip this time, leaving a trail of waxy dots leading up to the valley between your breasts. The hot liquid burns for a split second, until the cool crypt air dries it on your skin.

He drags the candles edge down your sides, holding you with his other large hand. Unknowingly, your body jerks slightly against the blanket, his grip tightening on your thigh.

“Stay still for me.”

“I can’t, need you so bad.” You whine, shuddering as more wax stings your breasts.

“Would you feel better if I was in you? My heavy cock splitting you open?” His words have you clenching around nothing, suddenly making you aware of how empty you felt. You nod, only to be denied. “Tell me you need it.”

“Please Tyler, I need you. Need your big cock inside of me.” He smiles down at you, setting the candle aside to focus on you, leaving the remnants of hardened wax on your body to crack under his hands.

He starts by taking himself into his hand, dipping into your soaked folds. Your choked moan spurs him on, he runs his hands up and down your split thighs before pushing into you. Tyler groans at the familiar tightness of your sopping cunt, you moan loudly at the stretch. His hips still against yours as he fully sheaths his cock into you.

“Feel good? You like having my big cock in your tight cunt? God you feel so good around me.” His curls bounce back as his head cranes up to the ceiling.

“So good, so full-“ He cuts you off, beginning to thrust in and out of you.

“So full of me? That’s right. You love how big I am compared to you, crumbling at my very hand.” He teases, running a thumb over your waist, breaking up the hardened wax. It cracks and falls from your skin with a slight peel. Your mouth hangs open while Tyler encases you with his arms, leaving over you to press a kiss on your collarbone.

Your back arches off the blankets, more stale wax falling from your heavenly figure. Tyler leans on one arm while the other brings your leg around his waist, allowing his cock to reach further in your cunt as he harshly ruts into you. The drag of him against your walls feels so nice, even more so when his hand reaches down to press against your neglected clit. Your hands grip for purchase on his back as your hips buck upwards. His mouth meets yours in a haste kiss before moving to your ear.

“So small under me, letting me pour hot wax all over your perfect body, letting me use you…” He whispers, groaning when you clench around his cock at his words.

“Please, please let me cum Tyler.” Your nails drag down his back while you cling to him as he rocks you back and forth against the blankets.

“You can cum baby. You’ve been so good for me.” He kisses your temple, thrusts getting sloppier as he nears his own release. “I’m close too, gonna cum in you.” He mumbles, rubbing your clit faster. You clench around him one last time before relief washes over you, releasing around him. Tyler’s movements going still as his cock twitches inside of you, dumping his cum deep in you.

Tyler pulls out gently, holding you impossibly close to him.

“Thank you.” He sighs into your hair. “I love you.” He kisses your forehead.

“I love you too.” You relax in his arms.

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday my lovely readers :) Ahhh already 4 eps into this season. Almost half way there. Doesn’t take long when we only got 10. Ha Still grateful for what little we got was better than nothing tbh. Also reached the limit on my master post for links. Apparently there is a limit. Boo. Gotta add a link to a new posts in there for rest of the reviews. Was kinda shocked at the lower amount of gifs for this ones. So a lot are the made ones from me. Anyways this is really really good one. Let us begin.

6x04 Training Day

We start out with Lucy being a lying liar who lies. Not even well.... Tim not believing her even a little bit that she’s "fine." One of Lucy’s tells is her fidgeting. Whether it’s her hands, her sleeves, and the ever infamous tattoo touch she does. All indicators she is anything but fine. Tim is well versed in all of these things. Because he has the book of Lucy memorized. Her telling him it’s ’Not a big deal.’ Is a big ol red flag for him.

Tim voicing as such to her. Letting her know anytime he’s heard that from a woman in his life they were anything but that. Lucy keeps pretending she’s made peace with it. That’s she’s a professional. She will keep on keeping on. But as we know with this episode that is a load of absolute BS. It's one thing after another for her in this one only adding to very 'not fine' she is. Poor girl.

They do turn a cute corner with her asking if he wants her to be upset? Tim replying of course he doesn't. But the man is worried. Rightfully so. The smile on her face when she asks this is adorable though. They have a nice little moment of reprieve till numbskull Nolan appears. Bringing up the very thing that is eating at her. Her short ‘I’m fine.' Before taking off. Ugh. Undoing any progress Tim made. Thanks John forever the worst with that stuff. Smh. The way Tim’s eyes follow her after that. *sigh*

So begins the hell episode for Lucy. She shows up to the scene asking about their killer. Then asks Harper/Angela if they want her to start canvassing? They tell her yeah the northwest corner. Lucy making a crack no one has covered it yet because it’s by the ‘Hell dumpsters’. Their sassy looks say everything. Lucy spitting back a company line about being a patrol officer. Oh my girl. It’s hitting her so hard she’s still a patrol officer. Feeling like at this point in her career her talents are being wasted. I mean they are…That much is clear in this moment.

Her expression at the end of the scene says everything tbh. About all that frustration and feeling like a failure. This is the starting point of Lucy isolating herself. I know everyone thought she had zero support. To me and I know others said it during the season too. That she isolated herself. Because just like Tim when she is going through something she does it alone. She is internalizing EVERYTHING right now. I have been known to do this as well. The need to shutdown and do it alone. I can relate to her.

She has a solid support system but that doesn’t mean she’s taking advantage of said system. I can relate to that very well too. It took awhile but I now have a solid system. I don’t always rely on them in times of emotional distress. It’s a learned skill. One I'm still learning to use. We talk about Tim and his need for therapy. Lucy needs it too. They’re scarily alike in their unhealthy coping mechanisms. It’s frightening really. Also the song running through this is so good (Dandelion-ill peach)

This next portion is the beginning of her spiral as well. It’s wrapped inside her isolation. It’s a recipe for disaster as we see later on... The isolation continues while she is guarding the dumpsters solo. If there was ever a time Lucy didn’t need to be alone with her thoughts it would be today. She spots some puke and thinks it might be from the killer. Calls Harper and tells her as such.

Harper tells her it’s unlikely to be related but they’ll need to process it anyways. Unfortunately it is only going to extend her time in hell. Nyla telling her could take a couple hours. 4 tops…Ugh. Not exactly what her day needs. Doesn’t help Harper cuts her off on the phone before she can finish her sentence. *sigh* Now Lucy is left to sit in her thoughts and stew in her emotions. I believe this episode was setup to reflect how Lucy is feeling.

Which honestly is like shit. How she feels alone (self inflicted or not), how she’s falling behind and feelings of failure. It’s reflected in all her scenes in this one. It’s a tough one to watch for her. She’s feeling very segregated and this dumpster canvass isn’t helping. As we know our girl isn’t very good at spotting when she’s being emotionally blind to her own feelings. Nor realizing when she’s not reaching out for the help she needs. The thing about support systems is they can’t be mind readers. You gotta relay when you need that support.

Lucy watching that press conference is killing me softly. You can see so much emotion written all over her face. The jealously and the annoyance of not being the one up there. Because well she almost was. It was just dumb luck (title of Nolan’s career) that they got that call and she didn’t. Ain't nothing going our girl's way today and it shows. She is a seething cauldron of emotions that she is tamping down under the guise of being ‘fine’

I do LOVE her waiting on Tim so they can go home together. (Also the hands in his jeans, the shirt, the jacket. Mmm gimme) It’s the little married things that get me all amped up. Waiting on her man to go home. It makes me so happy and squee. She needs it more than ever too. I swear at this moment in time the only keeping her sanity intact is that man.

He reads her like a book from moment he sees her though. Knows what her sour mood is all about. That if only Primm had seen her linked to this case. Seen this press conference it would’ve proved him wrong about her. Made him regret tanking her exam. Damn he knows his girl. Because that's exactly what her face is conveying in the very beginning of this scene.

Lucy notes instead of that she was stuck in dumpster hell. Not only that but she guarded puke for 3 hours. Based on the off chance it belonged to the killer. Tim asking if it did? Hoping to God it did LOL It’s the way Melissa delivers the sick dog line that cracks me up. How she could easily lose her shit right now. Like that was the straw that broke the camel's back for her today.

Ugh I hate it so much for her. She was already all up in her thoughts and failures. Probably thinking why her? What can’t she have even the simplest win? That she’s been resigned to guarding puke and it not even being helpful. That it should be her up there not Nolan. I mean I agree it should be. This is all just percolating toward the rash decision she makes later.

So damn desperate to prove she’s worth her salt. That this is the career for her. She’s meant to do so much more than patrol, canvassing, and general grunt work. Our girl is in dire straits and Tim can see it clear as day. Which is what makes this next portion so sweet and important tbh. Also doesn’t hurt there are more married vibes attached to it.

I love the gentle advice given here from Tim. She’s had a really bad day and he’s being sensitive to it. Doling out solid guidance but being soft about it. Applying logic with empathy so she gets his point but also doesn’t get more upset. Tim can see how this rough shift has rocked her. Especially when she is already on shaky ground. This man like I’ve been saying has been 10/10 for her. Idk what she would’ve done without him eps 1-4 I really don’t.

The beauty of this scene is him empathizing and building her back her up in the process. Reassuring her in the kindest way. That yeah you had a bad day, you’ll have 'em again, but tomorrow could be a whole new ball game for her. That being on patrol is an 'anything can happen game.' Knowing she is down about patrol right now. The man knows. Then is positive about it. Saying today wasn’t her day but tomorrow could be. I love this man so very much. As does Lucy.

I just love the ‘share our day’ marriage vibes this scene holds. Tim sees she had the tougher day and is there for her. Lucy getting lighter as they continue to talk. Something Tim is very good at. The best part of this scene is he gets her to laugh.

After he’s said his piece and comforted her he takes it a step further. Makes his lady laugh and we’re all here for it. Telling her not to be so greedy LOL It’s the way Lucy is looking at him that gets me in the first one. Her Tim smile in full force. Then their precious combined smiles in the second one. God damnit they’re so cute you guys.

I’m dying. They make each other so happy I wanna cry. The lack of space and how they bump arms as they laugh. Just being in love with all to see I cannot. Lucy being grateful for this goof of a man making her smile. For relieving her even if it's just for a short while of that weight on her soul. Letting him carry it with her for a bit. *heart clutch* I love them sfm.

First off before we delve into this part, I wanna say Lucy is an absolute BAMF is in the moments leading up to Harper/Angela arriving. How calm and collected she is. Making sure to cover Bailey as she gets her downed partner. If she could see herself in this moment she wouldn’t have so many doubts. But sadly that is not how crippling self esteem/confidence issues work. I just love watching her in the field and how well she handles herself.

Second my heart was racing from moment that man is shot in the chest. The entire moment is one giant adrenaline rush. Holy hell. Lucy covers for the duo until they reach her cover. Their airship is three minutes out and Lucy doesn’t think they can afford to wait. Wants to run down the alleyway solo. Cut him off so he doesn’t get away. That desperate need to prove herself rearing it’s ugly head.

Not only that but it is running the show for her right now. Harper immediately says no. That’s it's a 40 yard run in an open field. Lucy isn’t listening to her advice though. Level headed Lucy would've heeded her warning. Once again this season she is not with us in this moment. Saying to blow his head off if he pops up. That she’ll be alright. Angela doesn’t look pleased with this idea either. I mean look at her above. Concern written all over her. Her gut feeling screaming this isn't a good idea....But Lucy is hell bent on it.

This run had me holding my friggin breath. Tim would’ve lost his damn mind had he seen this. Not only that he would’ve ripped them a new one to letting her attempt it. When she got hit first time watched it I screamed. Held my breath until she got back up. Angela and Harper’s horrified faces mirrored my own. Couldn’t breathe till she popped back up. It was the most reckless risk she could've taken.

She is very very lucky her radio took the hit. It saved her damn life after that crazy run of hers. Lucy taking Tim's suggestion of being a big hero a little too literally. Honestly would’ve loved to have seen Tim tear them up for letting her do this... Reckless doesn’t seem strong enough of a word with this action. This decision of hers is a culmination of an episode long isolation. Of letting her emotions run the show and she took a risk that could've killed her. All to proof she could do it.

She had definitely given into those voices in her head telling her she’s not enough. Telling her she needs to prove herself or no one will ever think she’s worthy of moving up. To show she doesn't belong on patrol anymore. If she had just told her support system and really Tim how she was feeling. She wouldn’t have been this damn hasty. Lucy wasn’t thinking about what would happen if her radio didn’t catch that bullet. How utterly wrecked Tim would be if she had been hurt or even worse killed.

The problem being she kept all these emotions and struggles to herself. Which clouded her judgement. Her brain wasn't thinking in this capacity. This moment showing the continued communication problems in their relationship. How her decision could've really affected Tim. She wasn't thinking that in the moment though. Their communication issues go both ways with them. When they’re feeling emotionally distraught or vulnerable they isolate and take their problem on themselves.

Which results in foolish and hasty decisions. I.e. this moment above. And in next 2 eps with Tim...Something they gotta work on either before they’re back together or in the early repairing of their relationship. We get to see her KIA radio once she is clear. It very much saved her life and is now useless to her. I do love how she communicates with them before she pursues Jeff. Harper commending her on being smart in this moment. I mean they're in it now. So every move she makes from here on out has to be smart.

Lucy catches Jeff in the alleyway just like she wanted. Unfortunately he doesn’t look like he is interested in surrendering. Melissa crushes this scene oh my lord. The shaky way her voice breaks when she tells him to stop. To put his weapon down. Trying so hard to prevent a deadly outcome. I’m getting 5x19 flashbacks for her in this moment. Lucy dealing with the same issue Tim had. A person willing to die instead of give up. Despite them wanting to concede.

Lucy is basically pleading with this man to give up. She doesn’t want to shoot him. Doesn’t want it to end this way. Lucy is an empath as we all know. So her shooting him right or not she is going to carry it on her soul regardless. It’ll be a stain on it because she would’ve done anything to avoid this.

Lucy is on the verge of tears when she calls out Code 4. That the shooter is down. Ugh my heart. Adrenaline from end to end with this moment. Having it finish with a bang made my stomach sink for her. We watch how it affected Harper in 6x01 and she’s seasoned. How it affected Tim in 5x19. It’s never anything I wanna see our characters go through. Felt like I couldn’t catch my breath even after he was done. Such a good scene though.

Then comes the best part of the episode. Tim storming in like the worried husband he is. He has her work bag and I wanna cry. He has a death grip on it as he searches for the desk. I just love that he made sure to grab her bag before rushing off to the hospital. Man is on a mission to find her. Nothing matters to him but her in this moment. It’s the way he goes to the desk and they direct him to her immediately. He thanks the nurse with his tap to the counter.

I can’t imagine how he was when he first got the news. The look of sheer worry painted across his face when he steps foot into that hospital. Worried Tim is everything and Eric conveyed so much in these first two gifs. The first one is all concern and anxiety. He can’t breathe until he has laid eyes on his girl. The second one is relief in finding her. Tim completely by passes the gaggle of people outside of her room.

Doesn’t check in with them or see what happened at the scene. All that matters to him is getting to her. It’s the way he stops before he enters in. Taking a beat for the first time since he arrived. Then steeling some resolve knowing he needs it be her rock in this moment. Once he does this he steps into her room. Checking in and asking her if she’s hurt? He’s so gentle and soft like we all expect at this point with him. Doesn't take his eyes off her for one second as he sets her bag down.

Per usual the music department be killing it out here with the song selection. The soothing guitar and the singers soft voice are the perfect backdrop to this scene. His voice is as tender and comforting as Tim's tone through out the scene. Once again Melissa and Eric are the epitome of chemistry. Their amazing acting chops shining through in this moment. Melissa got me crying and all in my feels. Once Tim knows she’s physically ok it’s time to take care of her emotionally. The hand to her hair has me reeling. The way he strokes her head it’s so intimate and gentle.

Telling her she didn’t have to take his suggestion so literally. My heart. It’s all ‘hands hands hands’ from here on out. Like I said in 6x02 their physical chemistry forever floors me. It’s also just so damn sweet. Like he has to be touching her in order to know she’s ok. To reassure himself that she’s actually sitting in front of him right now. Saw a great tag said whenever we get hands like this makes them feral. How I felt about this entire scene.

So many wonderful facets to fangirl about and be feral over tbh. The man can’t stop touching her and I’m here for it. From the moment he was allowed to he was off to the races. Makes my heart so happy. He’s so tactile with her. It makes me wanna scream into a pillow. Touch is one of his languages with her but also their love language as well. It shows constantly. Honestly getting this soft scene after that adrenaline fest was much needed. That whole shooting scene had my blood pressure up.

I’m just bawling for Lucy after this. We get to see all she's been holding in. How incredibly upset she is about this whole situation. It's here with Tim comforting her she finally lets her walls down. Because her protector is there. He is there to pick up her broken pieces and put her back together. I know that feeling. Where you've been keeping it together. Then your person comes and asks if you're ok? And you realize how much you're not and the floodgates open.

That's Lucy in this scene. With tears in her eyes she tells him she doesn’t feel like a hero. Tim’s hand hasn’t left her at all btw. They both need this touch to ground them right now. I love how he rubs his thumb up and down her shoulder. Comforting her while she tells him her worst fear. The one thing that's been weighing on her soul since she released that shot in the alley. That she killed Jeff Budney. Asking Tim what if she killed him?

Tim crushing it with the comforting and being calm in his reply. So certain that no matter the outcome it’ll be ok. Why you ask? Because they’re going to deal with it together. The ‘Then we’ll deal with it.’ is EVERYTHING she needs to hear right now. Because yeah it’s bleak right now. But Tim wants to make sure she knows she isn’t alone. That he is there and no matter if he makes it or not he’s by her side. These are the exact reassurances she needs in this moment.

Lucy’s reaction has me crying some more. It’s the stifled cry when he tells her this. The sad shake of her head. Killing me softly. She couldn’t face the possibility of Budney dying. Not until her person showed up. Her fierce protector and love of her life standing by her side. Letting her know it’s ok. Even if it’s not it will be because they’ll face it together. Gah getting emotionally writing this up. This scene was primo on so many levels. *chef kiss.*

It’s here Grey and Wes enter the room. They let our lovely couple know he made it through surgery. Thank you Lord. The relief that floods Lucy is immense. I love how she looks at Tim and shakes her head. Needing his grounding stare as she takes in this news. Making sure it's real. Wes is quite the downer when he tells her for now. That if he dies later the investigation has to resume. The look on Grey’s face like WTF man…Let her have the win.

We see protective Tim step in after this. Asking if she can do her statement tomorrow? All he wants to do at this point is get her away from this hospital. From Jeff Budney and prying eyes. Wade is super sweet and turns on his dad mode and says that’s fine. Tries to get her to look and meet his fatherly gaze. She is too out of it to notice his kind look. All the more reason Tim needs to get her the hell out of this place.

Tim breaks her out of her revere with his touch as she watches them depart. I’m squeeing at the way he squeezes her collarbone, then soothes it with his thumb, before he moves his hand to the back of her neck. All the affectionate touches and very tender comforting has me ship drunk. His hand didn’t leave her for ninety percent of this scene. *happy sigh* He’s trying so hard to keep her there with him. To let her know he’s there and hasn’t left.

It’s the soft way he tells her ‘Let’s go home.’ also has me squeeing. Her home is now his home and I’m bawling. Like I said earlier all he wants to do is take her home and continue the comfort. Knowing the last place she needs to be is here. It’s the sweet smile on his face as he beckons her off the bed. Gah what a good man. Took care of her heart and soul in this moment.

Lucy doesn’t make it far before she is collapsing into his arms. Truly letting her walls down in full. Relaxing for the first time and melting completely against him. It’s the way she folds into his arms so easily. How he has her wrapped up in them immediately. Shielding her from the rest of the hospital. From this situation. One hand in her hair cradling her gently to his chest. How he is softly cupping the back of her head. The other wrapped around her nice and tight. Cocooning her in his embrace. His eyes shutting the minute he can feel her safely in his arms.

Tim breathing for the first time since he entered this room. All the while giving her the comfort zone of being in his arms. Gah it’s the slight sway that goes along with it that has me swooning. Rocking her in his arms sweetly. Trying to give her the solace she had been craving since that alleyway. Lucy hiding her face happily in his chest as he does this. Her hand placed on his chest as well has me happily sighing. No one does hugs quite like our couple does. The emotions they evoke out of me is unreal. They are top tier goodness.

To make the hug even sweeter we get a kiss to the head. The way Lucy wraps her arms around his back fully as he does this. Grounding her further as he takes care of her. They continue their lovely swaying as Tim places his cheek on her head. Resting it there lovingly. There’s a reason I kept this hug as my banner. Not that I don’t love the elevator hug in 6x09. I love it so much and will gush when we get there. But this hug ranks up there as top ones for me. Why you ask?

This hug just exemplifies how they provide comfort for each other. How physical touch is one of their primary love languages. They are each other's sanctuary. A happy and safe place amid the darkness their job brings. Coupled with the song playing in the background, the moment becomes even more glorious. It’s a beautiful scene made even more poignant by the this loving embrace.

I'm still not over how beautiful this scene is. You can see the stress and anxiety just drain out of Lucy. From the moment she is in his arms she is at peace. The same for Tim with pulling her into his arms. They both needed this hug so much. The continuity of the head kisses I’m here for as well. Gimme that all day long. In every future hug. I remember thinking as the shot panned out what would she have done without Tim in this moment? Without his wonderfully soothing comfort? Ugh what makes the next set of episode a gut punch that I still haven’t recovered from…

Thanks as always to my amazing readers who like, comment or reblog these reviews. Means the world to me. I shall see you all in 6x05 :)

~~~

Side notes-Non Chenford

I love Aaron going out with Tim for his first day. Going over the T.RA.I.N yummy T.O Tim in a Metro outfit. I will take that at every chance I can get it. If I had only know this was my last ep with him in that outfit would've appreciated it more 😭 Also this gif was for eye candy. Nothing more nothing less. How I wish to be the chair for which he leans upon in this scene. Metro outfit, badge showing, the way he is deliciously leaning against that chair. *fans self* Doesn't hurt Aaron is hilarious in his quest to please Tim LOL

We watch Nolan continue to be a terrible T.O. He lets Celina say a huge no no over the radio smh

Something else wanted to touch on for the Lucy having no support system. What happened with Jeff Budney is the direct result of not relying on said support system. I'm not blaming her. I have been her. Just want to make that very clear. But the gaggle of people outside her room worried about her is that system. Waiting to see what happens to her etc Everyone was worried about her and for her.

Other than Tim she does have it but as we know this season is super rough on her. So that is hard to see. Especially with losing her main pillar of that system in Tim. Which causes her to retreat even farther inside, but that’s for future eps to delve into. I remember D had this great post about how Lucy has been isolating for years. We were just finally seeing the result of that. Very true.

I mean only person she's really let in other than Jackson is Tim. That's it folks. Because she too has walls. She has Tamara but it's not the same as what she has with Tim. Once again hoping s7 resolves this isolation and her career path in the process. I'll be ok with her being put through it if we can have a good conclusion to go along with it.

Lastly the song running through the final scene is ‘Let it all go’ the lighthouse and the whaler. Such a good song.

[bluedalahorse]

posting fic snippets out of a desperate need to feel something (that isn’t stress)

There are more real things to be stressed about, and then there are also things to be personally stressed about, like the camping trip I will be away chaperoning from Wednesday to Friday. I do not particularly love to be away from home or disruptions to my routine.

I had hoped to finish the fanfic I was working on before I left, because then I could just avoid my email inbox and my AO3 account and not constantly refresh to see if anyone decided to read my fic. But! That did not happen. It probably won’t happen because I still have the last scene to finish and those always take me too long.

I still want to share a little bit of fic though, so I think I’ll post some of the raw unedited text from today’s work. Nothing wrong with that, right?

Anyway have some post-university pre-second-chance-saraugust, I guess.

Usually driving home—or in this case, driving back to the temporary apartment she’s renting this week—is a way for Sara to decompress after long days on set. She can put on music or an audiobook, or call Simon and Felice. Sara wants nothing more than to recap the last ten hours to one of them, just so they can reassure her she isn’t overreacting. But Simon and Wilhelm are catching up with Rosh and Ayub over pizza and boardgames, and tonight is one of the nights Felice works late in her food truck.

Mamma? Things are better with Mamma lately, but she’d still tell Sara to not read too much into the directors’ and writers’ decisions. Pappa might understand better, if he’s sober, but Sara doesn’t want to reach out unless she’s certain he is.

What is she thinking? It’s not like she can go too far into the behind-the-scenes details of Age of Liberty, anyway, since the production team made her sign an NDA, and that means no venting.

When Sara returns to her temporary rental, the kitchen lights are too bright. They’re the same lights as yesterday, so she must be overstimulated. She flicks them off and on a few times trying to decide if she can stand them, before she finally lets the square yellow light of the microwave faintly illuminate the room instead. Then, Sara scrolls through her phone as the starchy, comforting smell of pasta fills the air.

Instagram provides the usual array of photographic distractions: the girls’ football team Rosh coaches, the award-winning hibiscus cake from Felice’s dessert menu, the too many ads for hair care products and earplugs and soft clothing and tropey novels. That’s mixed in with occasional news articles about climate change, as well as infographics from other neurodivergent influencers with bullet points about masking or proprioception or social scripts. Sara lets the images blur before her eyes and the letters in usernames turn into meaningless shapes, until a familiar expression—one that habitually holds back grief—causes her thumb to finally stop swiping.

It’s the official instagram of the Crown Prince of Sweden. August’s most recent post shows him working at a desk, head bowed over a neat stack of papers. He’s gripping a pen and wearing glasses, but he isn’t writing on the paper. The glasses are new and make him look serious. To his left is a tablet-sharped therapy light. That’s even newer, and it washes August’s face in a muted silver glow. Sara wonders if anyone will recognize the light’s true purpose.

Then she reads the caption: As the hours of daylight grow shorter, many Swedes show increased symptoms of depression. Don’t forget to spend time outdoors, and reach out to your medical provider if you are experiencing persistent low moods or feelings of hopelessness. Take care.

The microwave beeps as Sara reaches the last two words of the post. She puts her phone away as she extracts her pasta and sits down at the table to eat. After an initial few bites, her mind fills up with questions. Is the post meant to be a simple public health message? Or is there a more personal meaning behind it?

She shouldn’t be ruminating this much when August is her ex, and for good reasons, but after a long day—one where Sara’s surroundings had her thinking about August anyway—can she really help it?

After Sara moves her empty pasta bowl to the sink, she returns to her phone. The photo has disappeared from her feed when she opens the app again, which doesn’t surprise her. When Sara navigates over to the Crown Prince’s official account, however, the photo isn’t there either.

Someone had it deleted. Probably some social media manager who works for the royal court.

The palace loves it when you promote sympathetic causes, Wilhelm once told Sara. As long as the sympathetic cause you promote has no connection to you whatsoever.