#therapy is expensive but drawing them is free

[nikoisme]

Naptime

[herbarimoon]

More izkt!

[just-avocado]

I should be studying for my finals but qsmp brain rot is more important (and these two stole my heart)

[opinated-user]

friendly reminder that LO has faked to have cancer "coincidentally" right after her sibling Courtney came out alleging that LO essentially molested her when they were kids

we know that LO faked it for the following reasons: -first she claimed that it was skin cancer on the first stage and the only treatment she ever had was chemotherapy. first stage skin cancer is going to be treated normally with a minor surgery. -when more people started questioning her about it, suddenly LO claimed she never said what cancer that it was. -despite being in chemotherapy, LO claims that the expenses were "minimal", which is hard to believe even living in Canada. people go into debt paying for their treatment while still living on the exact same province as LO. -a normal chemotherapy treatment would last at least 6 months. we're talking about half a year of someone's lives in which your body basically is being destroyed in order to hopefully kill the cancer. not only LO hasn't shown literally no symptom related to chemotherapy during the entire period in which she should have it, but she also never told anyone about it during this process. including her own wife and her immediate family. not a single one of her closest friends ever knew or suspected she was going through this experience. she only mentioned some mild symptoms after some of her critics (including this blog) pointed them out at all. -not really proof, but the way that LO decided to announce she ever went through any of this was through a comic page on pokemadhouse to announce she was in "complete remission" already. to give an idea of how truly evil this is, her wife would have received the news that her wife had been lying to her for six months right before being asked to draw for free a comic to announce it to everyone else. regardless if you even believe that LO is lying or not, i think it's pretty clear we should be able to agree that this is just vile behavior and a total show of disrespect towards her own spouse. -complete and total lack of any real evidence. never a mention of visit to the doctor (only some "asks" teasing about getting "funny results" and nothing else), never a word about the kind of meds that she was taking, never saying a word even about what kind of chemotherapy she went through. this is not to say that she or anyone should owe it to the world to reveal every details of their lives in order to be believed, but we're talking about a experienced liar that has lied about so many things so many times before despite the clear and obvious evidence that still exist so the skepticism, plus the absolute lack of any evidence at all, is completely warranted in this case. to this day LO still claims that Stockholm does not exist. there's both audio, video and text evidence that she was the author and she fully intended to include every disgusting thing on it, that she wanted them there. lie about a fanfic and lie about cancer are two completely different things, but not to a liar who is used to lie for attention. -once again, this narrative of "i had cancer the whole time, but i was also in therapy and now i'm better so i don't really have to talk about any details about it ever again" started out really only shortly after Courtney came out speaking out. when you talk about youtuber or other influencers lying about having cancer for any nefarious reason possible, do not forget to include LO.

[mariemarion]

hey, long time no been here. I'm sleepy, but I have something to say

I will abuse google translator a little cause I originally wrote all this in spanish :p

I haven't had energy the last few months. I am currently in a not very good state of mind so I will allow myself to be somewhat negative below.

I have lost interest in continuing with art, or at least the motivation is at the lowest level it has ever been, my only real reason for continuing is because it feeds my family, my pets and me, its reason enough to keep going , I fervently believe. But this doesn't stop me from feeling like I'm not going anywhere, that I'm stuck. Drawing has never been so exhausting, so tiring. I loved it, it may not be a permanent feeling, but currently I do not feel love for my drawings, for my current style, although I like it I feel that it is not mine, that it is not me, that I am not being sincere.

My dream is to reach that level of skill, like the meme, a rookie artist drawing something super rendered and complex and the senior artist drawing the most simplified style possible, I want to be that senior artist x'D.

How socials are treating and overshadowing artists lately also has a lot to add here, to hell with the numbers, I'm not interested in them, I'm not interested in the algorithm, I don't quite understand what it's about, I don't want to be tied down all the time , I want to come and go freely, that's all, I don't enjoy loggin into networks as i used to be.

Sometimes I would like to go back in time, when I felt free to create, when I was looking for to experiment and had fun. Today just thinking about holding a pencil makes me want to run away to the comfort of my bed or go play with my cats or to want to climb a mount and never coming back. And not to mention the damage I have done to my eyes and my hands, sometimes I can't do anything but overdo everything, and therefore hurting me, I foolishly force myself to accomplish deadlines that I have imposed on myself and that I am aware of its a short time.

I'm in a situation where I can't stop drawing, it's my job, I can't simply take a rest. I practically survive with what I earn (which lately is little), prices for many essentials are going up to the stratosphere and beyond (the price for cat food is so ridiculously expensive that I have started opting for homemade food) I have not been able to save anything, if I stop drawing and taking commissions, I don't know what else I could do, looking for alternatives is also tiring. I just want to sleep.

Apathy, that is my current state.

Fatigue.

Drowsiness.

A bottomless abyss, although when I say it out loud it makes me laugh x'D

Going to therapy has crossed my mind, I know there are issues to resolve, but thinking about the absence of money and next month's expenses somehow overlap everything else.

I think there were more things to add, but I can't think anymore.

I will not abandon art, it is clear to me, but if these last few months have been slow (in terms of making art), they will be even more so in the future, so you better do not miss me too much, you have been warned x'D

ty for reading

[isolationoverdose]

who is nick tcc

i'm assuming you came from my friends selfship animations. erm. hi. i'm really embarrassed about being perceived but! let me tell you!!! because I finally get an excuse to infodump about ocs in public yayyyy

warning for topics of bugs, suicide, and medical stuff below

his full name is nicholas calico (the "tcc" is an abbreviation of the story he comes from, "the cinema club". its my main oc universe.) and he is a doctor of sorts. he helps people out for completely free and in the comfort of his own home. because he doesn't work in a professional setting, he doesn't have a ton of room or resources to deal with many patients, so he isn't a long term doctor for many people. he simply helps them out with issues like injuries that need stitches, illnesses that need medications, etc. small stuff.

in his free time, nick also enjoys messing around with insects. he does a lot of bug taxidermy, which he hangs up around his office. he enjoys eating bugs as well. generally, anything bug-related will interest him.

on top of bugs, he collects a lot of abnormal things and keeps them in jars. these things include any parts that are removed (consentfully and with reason) from his patients (eyes, tongue, fingers, bones, etc.) and other strange little items like that. he has shelves upon shelves of these things, all sealed in jars. they don't have any use other than decor.

nick is a fan of art as well. he has a friend (one of my main characters) that he often commissions to draw paintings that he can hang up around his house. with all the images he has around his home, it could quite possibly be classified as a museum! he cherishes art so much that he often spends millions on just a single painting.

how can he afford to spend that much you ask? well. he's rich. rich as hell. nobody really knows how he gets all the money he has, but he's known in town as one of the upper class citizens. his house is pretty big and he lives a life of luxury....... or at least that's what people assume. they don't know a lot about him personally.

all the money he has is also what enables him to be able to care for people free of charge. despite having the money to do anything he pleases, nick actually doesn't live like a rich person. other than his home, no part of his life is much different from an average one. he doesn't buy expensive clothing, doesn't eat fancy foods, etc. his favorite thing to eat is literally bugs and cheeseburgers from fast food places. he's a freak.

in terms of family, nick lives alone with his 8 year old daughter. his wife went through medically-assisted suicide a while back due to an illness that made life too difficult to live. he doesn't like to dwell on it, though his daughter can't help it. a lot of his money goes into therapy and other treatments for her to help her cope and go back to normal life.

finally, nick's personality. not much to say here, as hes mute and his only way of showing his behaviors is through his face and the way he moves. he's quite relaxed all the time, often appearing tired or bored. he smiles fairly often, though it's never for anything happening in the present. we can only assume that he's just having some silly little thoughts in that brain of his. spinning fish or something. idk

im so.................... embarrassed............. why did I yap so much........

um. hope this helps <3

[cordate-chordata]

Currently closed!

Due to some high dentist and therapy bills, along with some smaller vet blls, the regular costs of keeping pets afloat, and the expenses of fixing my turtle's pond, I decided to open up art commissions again. So:

Lamniform(a) / Cordate-Chordata / Anton / Katrin / Shad 's Art Commissions

The following prices are for pieces with one character. Additional characters cost extra. All prices can vary depending on complexity

Sketches: Bust €2 - Halfbody €3 - Fullbody €4

Coloured cleaned up sketches: Bust €7 - Halfbody €10 - Fullbody €15

Monochrome painting: Bust €30 - Halfbody €50 - Fullbody €70

Lined with flat colours: Bust €30 - Halfbody €50 - Fullbody €70

Lined, coloured, and shaded: Bust €35 - Halfbody €57 - Fullbody €80

Colour painting: Bust €50 - Halfbody €75 - Fullbody €80

Backgrounds cost extra depending on complexity. Abstract shapes as bg are free.

I'll also do scenery drawings without anyone in them, if you think my skills are up for the task.

Payment via Paypal

What I will draw: - humans - animals (existing and extinct) - fantasy/sci-fi creatures, monsters, aliens, etc. - anthros - mecha - mobians (Sonic the Hedgehog characters) - nudity - nsfw* - gore**

What I will not draw: - *certain fetishes: diaper, scat, fat fetishes and related forms of inflation (includes most forms of vore) - **snuf - discriminatory content - anything I tell you I won't draw

I would prefer not to work for racist, queerphobic, anti alterhumanity, anti endogenic plurality people, and if those labels fit you, you probably don't want my work.

Please keep in mind that I have a full-time job and many mandatory „freetime“ duties. Commissions might take a while!

Contact me... Per e-mail: kschachenhofer@gmx.at On Tumblr: @cordate-chordata ; @nioice On Twitter / X: @ lamniforma On Discord: Lamniform

Sharing and recommending is lovely and appreciated.

Thank you for reading!

[lyraeon]

at 20 I thought I was faking my depression and was "bad at life" and lazy like my family said. I still earnestly believed I was entirely straight and everyone knew girls are just nicer to look at. I still had a ton of ingrained racism and other bigotry from my Bush-worshipping family. My main dream of being an astronaut had been smashed by my anxiety and health problems, so I was trying to study Japanese because like every other weeb I thought I'd fit in better over there (lol), but I'd already flunked out of one college and been forced to quit another to get a second job. I was overdrawn constantly and often buying gas station gift cards at the grocery store so I'd only take one overdraft fee. I was dating someone horribly controlling who eventually earned the title "evil ex", dialed up my eating disorder, and traumatized me out of writing for 2+ years. I had several roommates because we all considered having the funds to go to anime conventions more important than personal space (and because back then we already thought $600/month was expensive). I spent any other free time half asleep at a friend's house cuz there I could play games and watch Intent videos. Half my meals came free from work, the rest were hacked together from stuff that worked out to $1/serving or so. The power or internet got turned off at least twice a year from non-payment.

at 25 I thought I was too depressed to deserve burdening others with my presence or existence. that I was a burden and purposeful downer and nothing would ever get better. I was still dealing with a ton of internalized transphobia, racism, and other bigotry that I had been taught was Just The Truth and still occasionally fall into. I was massively straight edge against weed and anything else (threatened to call cops on close friends) while also being a half bottle of vodka a day alcoholic just to get my brain to shut up enough to let me write or sleep. I didn't know how to have fun without alcohol, if at all. I had lost my ability to draw when I severely injured my wrist while i had no insurance. I tried going back to school, first for architecture then teaching, and flunked/dropped out of both. I was losing jobs every 6~8 months from being chronically late and being sick constantly. I manged to lose one on my birthday and wound up having to make some other tough choices because of it. I had only just reached the point where being overdrawn was a rare thing and I wasn't buying single gallons of gas with tip money. food was still often just ramen but I no longer had days where I didn't know if I'd get to eat, though I was often dependent on my then-bf. I had multiple teeth rotting and couldn't afford any treatment besides getting them pulled, and often not until they'd become infected.

by 30 I was finally on antidepressants and in therapy. I was on the road to physical therapy for shoulder and wrist injuries that had happened years earlier. I was pretty happy in my relationship. I held down one job for almost 3 years straight after getting medicated, then turned around and flunked/dropped out of college for the 5th time (Physics this time) because I was too anxious to take public transit reliably and STILL couldn't do homework anywhere but in class, so most projects never got done. I'd stopped being able to write (and am still running from the possibility my meds Took That from me because it doesn't come back if I stop them). Food had become a different struggle - I no longer had time, physical health, or executive function to cook reliably so I was spending too much on take out and causing wild fluctuations in my weight. I was hiding my eating disorder from my partner and my friends. I had begrudgingly un-estranged myself from my family to support younger cousins as they came out as queer. I had developed a healthier relationship with alcohol. I had accepted that, outside of addiction, drugs are a bodily autonomy thing and stopped being an ass to people about them. I had finally learned some damn etiquette around things like not accidentally outing people. I started streaming and making videos - stuff I had dreamed of since first watching Dead Fantasy and Red vs Blue and Weeblstuff in high school but had thought impossible after I lost the ability to draw.

I'm currently 35. This year I am living on my own for the first time (aside from 5 failed months at 18). I got divorced - a complicated, regretful process that was ultimately for the best but I could and should have handled better (and sooner). I've been in physical therapy long enough that I'm able to use chopsticks properly again and am thinking of trying to relearn drawing. It's also meant I can do the dishes and wash my hair on my own again, most days, so I'm relearning how to cook consistently. I'm reading (listening to) books again. I'm on year 8 of antidepressants and currently working with my doctor to fine tune what I'm on (and finally have a system to take them consistently). I've been diagnosed with ADHD and figured out I might also be autistic, and a lot of things in my life make way more sense when viewed through that context. I have appointments to get evaluated for ADHD meds, autism, shoulder surgery/other "PT isn't enough" treatments, teeth implants, and new glasses. my clothes have been put away 3 of the last 5 times I did laundry and I've learned that if I only own one dishwasher worth of dishes, the sink can't pile up. I've fully embraced that I'm polyamorous, pansexual, and demiromantic, and that I can be cis while also being "gender agnostic" - none of it really matters or processes to me, but I get that it does to others so I respect it. I'm seeing someone who makes me feel like I can do anything, is inspiringly ambitious themself, and is equally polyam, meaning I might also be asking out a cute girl soon and don't know where board game nights with the nice throuple I met might go. I'm having to do odd jobs and accept help from my dad to make ends meet, but I'm arguably a full time content creator now - something I literally didn't even let myself dream about when I was younger because it felt impossible, but which is fully worth the complications and budget crunching because it's so accommodating to my disabilities and uses so many of my talents. I'm still depressed, but I have hope that ADHD treatment will help cut through the remainder. Most days I just have hope, period. And more days than not, I'm genuinely happy for at least a while.

You'll find yourself.

It might take a while. There will be detours, mistakes, pain, tough choices, and a lot of hard work. But there will also be unexpected joys and more possibilities than you ever imagined.

Someday, you'll find yourself.

And when you do, it will be worth the wait, I promise.

[glitterandmoondustofficial]

So I’m actually going to use my blog as a blog! I’m going to track my days to note my stress and mood, and also track what I’m eating for my dietitian. This can be completely ignored! This is for my benefit only.

Alarm went off at 6:40 but slept until 6:50.

Fairly normal routine in the morning. Got up, fed KitKat, brushed teeth and hair, got dressed. Went outside to do my morning barn chores and saw the chickens were free roaming which is not great during the night.

Got yelled at by the sheep because they hate being in the stall compared to the horse trailer.

Drove to work while listening to a playlist my roommate and I made together. I got three Hozier songs and a Sleep Token song on the drive so that was great! I’m taking that as a good sign.

This was what I packed for breakfast. I drink V8 energy drinks because I gave up coffee. It’s about to be two months without it. I wanted to try sheep’s milk yogurt but it’s far too sour for me unfortunately. It made me lose my appetite so all I ended up eating was the V8.

And I also set these up. They were an early birthday gift.

Started listening to this playlist while I started working in my cubicle.

Checked my application status for the new position and it was very confusing so I really hope that they’ll contact me and at least tell me I didn’t get the job /:.

Have to work harder this week because my coworker is out and I’m in charge of her responsibilities. Yuck.

My horoscope for the day (it’s just for fun).

Snack time consisted of a cheese stick and a handful of freeze dried coconut milk covered in chocolate.

Here’s what I look like today. Bangs are not banging since I didn’t blow dry them yesterday. Also had to pull hay out of hair as per usual lol.

Lunch consisted of vegetarian ramen, green grapes, and sugar free sparkling “water.” Ate half of the ramen and all of the grapes.

Spent the rest of my shift before leaving for therapy filling out my spreadsheets and then checking on the status of my application. I hope they at least interview me 🙏🏼

Therapy was good. I was able to properly vent about everything that’s bothering me. I got home around 5:00 where I had a snack of popcorn and some chocolate. Also my package came in that had the bulk unscented soap and reusable dispensers in it.

Decided to have a meal while waiting for my roommates to come home. I had strawberries, pretzels, caramel popcorn, and a sandwich that was cold smoked salmon, spinach, spicy mayo, and everything bagel seasoning (since I’m out of furikake), on toasted sour dough bread 🥖. Ate everything!!

Sitting outside while the sheep graze. It’s a nice cool day so sitting in the sun is very pleasant. The sheep grazed for a few hours while I sat in the sun. I also changed their water for the second time today since Princess won’t drink her water unless it’s changed that often and filled their hay bag. I fed them their pellets by hand to reduce choking risk and then put them up for the night.

After putting the sheep up I watered the garden. The garden is looking so happy and I’m really glad all that effort I’ve put into it is paying off. I’ll have to buy mulch soon but luckily it’s not a terribly expensive thing. All the sprouts are looking so good.

After the garden was watered I did the dishes. Then I took half of my vitamins. I took a shower and then blow dried and rolled my bangs so that they actually look decent tomorrow. I tried these cannabis seed oil eye gel things that were given to me as a gift to relieve stress and I guess they’re nice? Brushed and glossed my teeth and put on my night cream. Put my laundry away while KitKat ate his dinner.

Here’s my tarot draw of the day.

King of Wands. A good card when I’m trying to move up in the company.

This is actually my favorite deck. I bought her on clearance and she brings a positive attitude to my life when I desperately need it.

At 9:30 I’ll take my meds and the other half of my vitamins and then hopefully fall asleep quickly.

Stress level: 6/10

Interest in eating: 3/10

Exhaustion: 7/10

[imhereforscm]

Roasting the SCM gods

Disclaimer: I love all the gods and I don't genuinely think badly of any of them. These are all purely for fun💖

Leon:

• Animal control? Hello???

• You could call him a "dumb mammal" and it'd be scientifically correct, I guess.

• Don't be shy, take Karno out of friendzone.

• He wouldn't replace the toilet paper and I'm holding a grudge for that.

• His brain sporadically does a buzzing sound, he says something smart and then lets steam out of his ears, before shutting down again.

Scorpio:

• You can't threaten me AND sound sexual. Pick one!

• Just admit you're a switch, but you prefer the sub role, I won't judge you. Unless you're into it-

Teorus:

• You know that feeling when you look at someone and you KNOW they can't find the clit?

• Can't find the clit, but will find your heart, WHICH IS FAIR-

• Gets off to biology books.

Dui:

• I won't slander this one. Even I'm not strong enough for this.

• BUT I CAN SLANDER HIYORI FOR SLAPPI-

Huedhaut:

• Huedhoe

• Huedwhore

• The guy in a comment section who'd tell you: "google is free."

• He's the epitome of "I'm gonna put my cold feet on you."

Ichthys:

• Zyglavis probably sends letters home, telling his parents about him being suspended from the department of punishments.

• Where the fuck are the batteries? I'm interested...... For a friend....

• The one guy you don't want in your path when you're on your period. And he shouldn't want you in his either.

Karno:

• Oh, so, pinning for Leon, while being unaware he's also pinning is your brand!

• Must be odd to be in love with the man you're babysitting, because BOI IS HE HELPLESS.

• Has tried faith, reverse psychology, witchcraft AND blackmailing, yet the friendzone is not leaving.

Zyglavis:

• You remind me of half of the baggage I left in therapy.

• "Here to talk to you about your car's extended warranty." —His face just gives me that, idk

Aigonorus:

• This man is sleeping for the both of us.

• He's the amount of sleep I'm missing manifested into a person.

• An icon. An idol. I aspire to be him at night.

• Rude of him not to share with me.

• Where do you get so much inspiration to close your eyes and sleep??? Is it expensive for me to buy it too??

Krioff:

• Heating pad.

• He do be tryin'. But he do be failin'.

• You remind me of the other half of the baggage I left in therapy.

Tauxolouve:

• A two-week relationship, you say?? Sounds like the relationship I have with healthy sleeping patterns.

• "Draw me like one of your french girls."

• Don't let him watch "Titanic"

• Has Pinterest.

Partheno:

• Keeping Up With The Kardashians manifested into a person.

• That moment when I accidentally saved a sex song into my playlist of sad songs is basically his route in a nutshell.

• So do you like milfs??

[circusclownsam]

sweet home oc (may be short, sorry)

general info

name; Min-Ya Choi

nickname; Minnie, prefers that nickname only

age; 18

born; 3/9

race; asian

ethnicity; korean, australian

known languages; korean, english

voice; mid pitch, slightly raspy

accent; australian, more noticeable when speaking english

scent: a soft, vanilla smell

physical info

height; 5’2, 158cm

weight; [no offical document]

eye colour; dark blue with specks of light blue

hair colour; chocolate brown

hair length; thigh length

hair texture; 2C

body shape; hourglass, average thickness, small waist, D cup size

face claim; https://pin.it/58oF6gWUg

piercings?; five on each ear.

scarring?; inner thighs, arms and back. prefers keeping them hidden

other features; freckled cheeks, nose and shoulders. dimpled smile

attire (separated for length)

main attire;

; https://pin.it/5cLIMnNbW

; https://pin.it/4DXBwDUGk

; https://pin.it/3GuYDT8xd

; https://pin.it/7IP5tjiLh

; https://pin.it/1qu6xn1Ep

; https://pin.it/64tU6lyl4

; https://pin.it/5N8o5dO1H

; https://pin.it/57cHa7yB7

; https://pin.it/6ksqTXffY

; https://pin.it/7hOclVhOE

; https://pin.it/7BduTp2bD

sleep attire;

; https://pin.it/5kIVrvAne

; https://pin.it/6nfpZEk7o

; https://pin.it/7xdcPzaHA

; https://pin.it/UODED093K

; https://pin.it/21tH5CzYs

personality

positive traits; honest, caring, flirtatious, humorous, selfless, protective, brave (will add more, probably)

negative traits; introverted, sarcastic, secretive, cold, blunt, trust issues (will add more, probably)

likes; reading alone, listening to music, patting Bom, taking care of su yeong and yeong su, annoying Hyun Su, drawing in her free time, studying the fauna around her, spending time with eun hyeok

dislikes; eun yu, monsters, when su yeong and yeong su are hurt, when people invade her space, getting hurt, her father and mother.

good habits; carries around a pocket knife, neatening things

bad habits; scratching at her scars, picking at her nails

neutral habits; pacing when in thought

fears; deep-bodied water (oceans, pools), her father

hobbies; reading, sketching

talents; violin, archery

insecurities; her scars at times, her overall appearance

relations (very short, sorry)

father; robert kingly, died via drunk driving, strained relationship due to abuse

mother; lin choi, unknown, strained relationship due to neglect

sister; katie choi, died at the age of seven, close relationship

other relatives?; nan in australia, fathers side

friends; eun hyeok, ji su, su yeong and yeong su

closer to; su yeong and yeong su

enemies; monsters, mostly

(potential) love interests; hyun su, eun hyeok

medical info

physical health; healthy, exercises daily, normal diet

mental health; mild case of social anxiety, unmedicated

therapy; attended therapy since she was ten, stopped going as it got expensive

allergies; sunflower(oil, seed etc), mild, slight rash and sniffle

addictions; none

eyesight; 20/20 vision, no need for glasses

dental care; brushes regularly, healthy white, no known cavities or sensitivity issues

hygiene; bathes as much as she can, no bad odour

diet; balanced, eats what she can

living info (again, very short)

born in; south korea, seoul

past residence; australia, sydney

current residence; green home mansion apartment (s1), an abandoned caravan (s2)

apartment number; room 201 (idk how the rooms are numbered, yeah)

transportation; a motorcycle (s2), a skateboard

occupation; unemployed as of now, babysat in the past

(short, but i’ll add more if i feel like it lmao)

[maglors-anion-gap]

(@cosmic-walkers so sorry for the late reply - work was very busy this week. Posting our thread as a new post because I feel bad gumming yours up with a bunch of reblogs. RIP to everyone's dash tho, the ADHD is leaping out and this post will not be short.)

Note: the text in all the images has been copied into the image description function on desktop. let me know if for some reason it can't be accessed.

Anyway, cosmic-walkers and I had a really good exchange about maeglin and his treatment in text that got me thinking again about eol and the difficulties I've had engaging with his narrative even after coming around to a more nuanced.

I mentioned this in my tags and asked how folks go about repairing eol's narrative:

And I got a really thoughtful reply that, with permission, I'm sharing here so that more people can see it. Hopefully it is as interesting to you all as it was to me. (browse images right to left, top to bottom. comments organized in vertical order in each image).

Thank you @cosmic-walkers for taking the time to write that out for me. It absolutely makes sense, and I actually really love getting long messages because I feel like the length constraints of both tags and comments hinder free conversation.

Thank you @cosmic-walkers for taking the time to write that out for me. It absolutely makes sense, and I actually really love getting long messages because I feel like the length constraints of both tags and comments hinder free conversation.

I have a degree in public health, and my focus was interpersonal and family violence; I don't bring it up to toot my own horn, but rather to offer some context for readers here and to draw from as I analyze the patterns of behavior in the narrative.  For what its worth, I think that more nuanced readings of eol's character line up pretty well with frameworks for understanding unhealthy relationships, abusive relationships, and family violence.

I think it makes people uncomfortable to engage with the idea that abusers are humans.  I don't mean that people ought to feel a preponderance of sympathy for them (at the expense of their victims), but rather that humans have human triggers, motivations, and psychologies.  Of course, we are talking about elves, but *vague hand waving.*  I joke that my degree was the most expensive, circuitous way to get therapy, but it really did help to engage with concepts like family systems theory to understand my own life and move forward in healing past "that sucked and my abuser is a monster .... who somehow manages to treat everyone else well... why me?"

Family systems theory posits that abuse can arise in certain dynamics and be conducted by people who, in other dynamics, would not act abusively.  It asks us to describe both the overarching family system as well as the subsystems that exist between different members.  Noise in one subsystem echoes to impact the rest of the system.  It emphasizes the impact of boundaries (divisions, openness or isolation, emotional closeness), roles (patterns of behavior, and who may be targeted/blamed/scapegoated), rules (spoken and unspoken standards, traditions, and guidelines), and hierarchy (power, who holds it, respect and lack thereof).  People chafe against the the last concept, feedback and circular causality, because when applied incorrectly it can sound like the victims are provoking their own abuse - this is not true, and it should not be applied like this.  It only means that a relationship yields certain behaviors depending on its climate, and that once a pattern of behavior is established it becomes harder to break. 

When analyzing family systems theory, many people choose to pair it with the family resilience model, which prioritizes repairing the broken aspects of (sub)system relationships, hilighing positive characteristics and using them as strengths to propel other behavior change, and promoting flexibility, openness, and equitability of social and economic resources to stabilize (sub)systems to begin the healing process.  Of course, not everyone wishes to remain in contact with their abuser.  Of my two abusers, one I have cut contact with and the other I now have a healthy relationship with.  But, utilizing models and evidence based practice like this is critical to actually understanding and then remediating abuse and its damage.   

Edit 1/1/23: I forgot to mention the impact of stress on abuse. Many abusers release their stress, confusion, and concerns in the form of abuse because they don’t have another way to process and positively direct those emotions. This can be caused by lack of emotional intelligence or ability to self regulate and soothe, lacking interpersonal communication skills, poor modeling from their own role models. I’ve written evidence-based program plans for mitigating teen dating violence, and to make an impact you have to far in advance of the common age of onset of dating violence. We should be teaching stress management tools, emotional regulation, communication skills, and bodily autonomy is late primary and early elementary school. But many people connect dating violence and sex in their minds and don’t want to talk about it with kids. In reality, a lot of abuse happens because of disregulation, not because of inappropriate desire. This is compounded in real life by theories of power and hierarchical respect - if people feel like someone is of higher value than them, they treat them respectfully, but if they feel like they are the person of higher value, they feel it is within their rights (and perhaps a just affirmation/ defense of system hierarchy) to treat them as they please.

I bring all this up because after reading your comments, I tried using it to analyze the system of Eol, Aredhel, and Maeglin, and the subsystems between them.  We agree that as a whole, their family system is tense, unequal, and prone to violence (not necessarily the physical kind). Edit 1/1/23: everyone in the family is experiencing stressors, including Eol himself. The way he responds to these stressors is not healthy and has an impact on the subsystems of their family.

The subsystem of Aredhel and Maeglin is the easiest to analyze in some ways, and there's a wealth of knowledge to pick over.  The two of them are emotionally close, open with each other, ally with each other (as in, we do not canonically see either of them display pecking order behavior in which one abuse victim then abuses someone less powerful in another subsystem), and seem to have similar power distance (aredhel is his mother, but she is not characterized as being domineering toward him, and has about as much systemic power as maeglin in comparison to eol, though eol treats maeglin worse initially, forming a subsystem I discuss next).  

Eol and Maeglin form a fractious subsystem.  It is characterized by high power distance, emotional isolation (see: not naming Maeglin until he was far along in childhood), and Eol regards him more as a possession than as someone worthy of his respect and basic dignity (see: the attempted murder).  Resources is a more uniquely human concept, but Eol is the lord of Nan Elmoth, he exerts some control over the forest, he maintains his own staff and people, and he has the ability to forbid (and enforce) certain behaviors.  Maeglin spends more time with his mother than father (out of the house too, if memory serves, though this may not be so odd for elves) and dreams of running away to Gondolin, and it seems to me that Aredhel's tales of Gondolin (ironically, a city-prison of another sort) are so sweet to him because of his current family situation.  

Aredhel and Eol form the third and final subsystem.  I think it is important to note here that many, if not most, abusive relationships begin well.  At baseline, many abusers are adept at concealing red flag behaviors until they successfully lock down their victim.  But I am more interested in exploring the family systems model of abuse here (Eol is often analyzed using the characteristics of a serial abuser, and while some people fit that model, in combination with the terrible handling of race and culture in this arc, brute caricatures, and white damsels, I think it does more to reinforce an over-done reading that leans into rather than away from Tolkien's biases).  

As you so rightly mention, Aredhel and Eol begin their relationship with a certain degree of love.  We can see some differences in power, agency, and respect from the start - I am reminded of Eol enchanting the woods to draw Aredhel in.  However, this is a storytelling device common to fairy tales, even ones intended to be read romantically, and because I am a huge lover of the Ballad of Tam Lin I must be honest with myself and admit that this alone can be taken as a stylistic choice and not an indicator of purely evil intentions.  

The difference in power only grows as Eol forbids Aredhel to visit the lands of the Noldor; this puts her in a difficult bind, as she is also not welcome in the largest kingdom of the Sindar.  In general, controlling someone's movements indicates a paternalism and lack of respect that it's difficult to build a healthy relationship on.  Now, initially they do go about exploring together, and I think this is something that would have endeared Eol to Aredhel, something she would have enjoyed, something they could have found common ground in, and something that perhaps reminded her of old friends like Celegorm.  As their relationship degrades, we see mentions of that closeness, emotional openness, and equity of station disappear.  Now Eol goes about his business, Aredhel concerns herself with their son, and they wait until Eol is gone to flee.

On the topic of why people agree to the demands of abusive or otherwise toxic partners, when interviewed many people say that they would like to stay with their partner but that they just want the abuse/hurtful behavior to stop.  Now, it's not always possible to achieve that, but many people love their abusers. They make excuses to themselves, their families, and to the medical and legal system to protect them.  We cannot discount the impact fear, threats, isolation, and lack of resources have on this behavior, but it would be wrong to dismiss the emotional attachment many people feel.  I believe this is a valid reason why Aredhel would initially entertain Eol's demand that she not travel in noldor lands (additionally, she has only had experience with her brother at this point, and Turgon eventually relented and let her go, so perhaps she thinks she can eventually wear Eol down into relaxing his restrictions).  It would also explain why she pleads twice to save Eol's life. 

Now, I think their relationship, even before Maeglin was (lovingly) conceived, was poised to fall apart.  Eol cannot get past his opinions of the noldor, and while those opinions are not incorrect and are, on their own, valid to hold, he marries a noldor woman and has a half-noldor child with her.  I think a certain lack of trust in Aredhel, and lack of respect for her cultural background, lays the foundation for his abuse of their son.  I read some excellent meta recently about the functional impact of the Quenya ban, and the writer posed that by banning Quenya, the language and culture was associated with kinslayers - thusly, anyone who wanted to participate in political life in Beleriand (which required peace and intergroup co-operation) would have to disavow not just the kinslayings (despite being overwhelmingly kinslayers themselves) but also there heritage.  I can see this kind of mentality come out strongly in Eol's treatment of Maeglin: he is concerned that Aredhel teaching Maeglin about her family is like a poison to him, that any faith he has in his wife's good nature or his own ability to parent effectively and teach Maeglin about his own culture is overwhelmed by the canker of noldorin culture.  

I think this further corroborates your claim that their relationship slowly degrades from good to bad, because I don't think Aredhel would have tolerated that initially, and if we follow LaCE I'm not sure conceiving Maeglin would be possible with the degree of animosity we see toward the end of their relationship.  But I might push a little on the idea that the relationship between Aredhel and Eol was healthy up until the birth of Maeglin.  I think the introduction of Maeglin to the family, the creation of two new subsystems, the shift and echo of power within the system, all combine to catalyze abuse.  But a loving relationship does not equal a healthy relationship, and loving and being loved by someone does not mean that you have a true, deep respect for each other.  It is fully possible to be in love with someone, care deeply about them - and be unable to relate meaningfully to them, or understand their fears or needs. This is how I perceive Aredhel and Eol's relationship almost up until the moment she flees from him.

Now I have some loose end thoughts.  Regarding the impact of Eol's parenting on Maeglin, there is some interesting research on chronic fear in children that I refer to now.  Chronic (prolonged, or recurring) fear in children causes a host of acute and chronic issues later, both physiological and psychological.  Blood sugar, stress hormone levels, sleep health, capacity for and strength of emotional attachment, attention span, short and long term memory, sociability and antisocial behaviors, and rage are all negatively impacted by experiencing chronic fear.  Fear is a word that has certain connotations in people's minds, but in this context it can mean anything from living in a war zone, to experiencing abuse, to being bullied or growing up being discriminated against for any reason, to being food or housing insecure, to being routinely disciplined in an illogical/punitive manner.  Not all sources of fear are imminent physical threats (there is a reason it is a separate and unique felony crime, for example, for a child to witness abuse taking place even if the child is technically safe).  

So we can look at all this and apply this to how we think Maeglin thinks, feels, and interacts with the world considering his poor relationship with his father, the disintegrating relationship between his father and mother, his introduction to gondolin (and losing both parents), and then the discrimination he faces within Gondolin.  He moves from one system of fear to another system of fear, and the irony is that his father couldn't stand him for his mother's heritage and the Gondolindhrim judge him for his father's.  I think in some ways, Nan Elmoth and Gondolin are reflections of each other, and what happens when xenophobia, isolationism, and fear come into play.

Something else that came to mind while writing was that different groups of Sindar view the Noldor differently. Doriath views them as a challenger to the rule of Beleriand, and this is evident in how Thingol speaks of his kingship and the laws he makes.  Some Sindar go with Turgon to Gondolin - though the ruling class, and the historians like Penlodh are all Noldor, so while Maeglin was not entirely alone in Gondolin, he still was not truly free, and the historical record after his death is most definitely biased.  the Sindar in the north see the Noldor as allies - though again, similarly to the Sindar that took Turgon as their Lord, or the Edain immediately swearing to elvish Lords, I see Tolkien's bias and racial hierarchy creeping in here to determine "logical" progressions of events.  I think all of this contributes to a very tense environment in Beleriand, between the noldor and the sindar, between different groups of sindar, etc etc, and different groups would likely have different fears/reactions to the Noldor.  I think Eol was poised, with his cultural trauma, for his marriage to fail.  And he is mentioned in connection to Thingol, not Círdan, so his cultural and political context comes into play here.  Additionally, we have no idea how old he is.  Thingol (and Círdan too iirc) is old enough to remember the Teleri that left for Valinor; this is speculation, but Eol could be as well, which would at least contextualize his intense reaction to the kinslayings as an even more personal grief. 

This was a very long free-form way of processing what I think about Eol, and I think I can safely say I find him more interesting as a character now.  I really wanted to like him! I tried so hard! I can find something to like about almost every character in the legendarium (even if it's just a "wow that is such an interesting/stimulating way to build characterization").  And I think I can do that with Eol now.  I think there's so much to explore re: Nan Elmoth, his skill as a smith, and his relationship with the dwarves.  

I actually think it was you that posted about Feanor and Eol being similar, and the thought crossed my mind again as I was writing this up, firstly because of their similar passions, but also because I think they respond to stress, fear, and grief in a similar way.  Neither of them handle it well, and they take it out on the people around them.  In fact, I think it's great to contrast these two.  On the one hand, we have Feanor, grieving his mother, his father, the last bit of stability in Valinor, and feeling like he doesn't belong in that society, that he's tainted, and that everyone secretly hates him (Morgoth's brain worms aren't helping).  On the other hand, we have Eol, who is grieving the murder of his kinsfolk, and who views the arrival of the noldor as the colonization and the potential obliteration of his people (a valid fear to have, and corroborated by those princes of the noldor who cross the sea not to fight Morgoth but to obtain kingdoms of their own).  And of course, the threat of imprisonment in Gondolin for life is the last straw, and very important in my mind when considering what Eol does next.  

It just came to mind, but you could perhaps draw a parallel between Eol trying to kill Maeglin as a perverse mercy killing to spare him the pain of being an outcast in Gondolin, and Denethor trying to burn himself and Faramir alive to prevent their remains from falling into the hands of the Enemy.  Eol has a certain love for his son, and unfortunately it's the killing kind.  

Again, I really appreciate you taking the time to talk with me, and I'm in agreement with you!  It was really helpful to hear your thoughts.  In a way, it was kind of freeing to hear you say Eol was kind of crap?  The last conversation I had (years ago) with someone about Eol and transformative works, I got the distinct sense that they thought anything less than a fully exculpatory reading of Eol (and reworking the narrative to place the blame of Aredhel's death on "an accident" or "getting between Turgon's men and Eol") was not good enough to repair the narrative.  And don't get me wrong! I actually really enjoy AUs and canon divergence, and this arc is no exception!  

But sometimes I like to stick closer to canon, and pick apart the biases in the narrative and how they're impacting the characters, especially in an arc that is tied so closely to those characters.  I had a pretty firm grasp of the biases at play, but I didn't have as good a handle on the dynamic between Eol and Aredhel and that really tripped me up when I considered possible adaptations to their arc.

My final thought is that I hate having the only character of XYZ background be the villain.  I think the way I can potentially get around that is that because it's easier to repair Maeglin's narrative, it's easy for me to make Maeglin sympathetic.  As you said, Eol is sympathetic, and nuanced, but also kind of a shitty guy.  Whereas Maeglin is sympathetic, nuanced, does some things are are Not Well Adjusted, but also imminently likable once the narrative biases are stripped away.  Most of Maeglin's "Crimes" in the narrative are like "he was in love with his cousin, but he was respectful and didn't say anything about it, but she was a mindreader and found out anyway," and "wow he's so close to the king, that's suspicious (even though they're blood related and that's not a red flag at all)" and "he gave up the city ... to gain his cousin as a prize ... but he was tortured first,  so maybe it was the torture that really sealed the deal, not the cousin-loving?"  Sorry, abrupt departure from academic language into dark humor.  But yeah.  Fully fleshing out both of these characters - and maybe including some of the sindar of Gondolin and Nan Elmoth as OC's even? - is maybe the way to go.

[nyrator]

I guess for a life update..

Overall doing okay, but just drifting it feels like

I've been working my chocolate shop job for almost a year now, they treat me pretty nice thankfully- my birthday was recently, they took me out to dinner and an amusement park, and they got me a lot of My Melody presents like a big pillow and a lamp and a Hello Kitty mug and a big tub of our store's peanut butter cups (the last one we had that they stored away for my birthday)

I'm still dirt broke and living in a subsidized senior apartment but still managing to break even somehow still..

I'm working on an October art challenge and so far I've managed to hit every day so far.. Might try to post them here when it's done somehow, 31 images is a decent amount of images though.. apparently Tumblr allegedly allows 30 images now at least? So hmm..

Been streaming a bit less- would like to stream more, but burnout is strong and lately it feels like I don't really have any kind of goal or dream or motivation to do anything.. just going through the motions, I guess.

I'm still in therapy every week, and I've also started taking medication recently... First Zoloft, which worked really well, but it might be causing liver damage according to my blood work, so my psychiatrist is having me swap to Wellbutrin.. at the moment I've been hitting some lows but hopefully that's just from the transition period

I have throat issues (EoE, my throat's basically allergic to random things that are hard to pinpoint) and still struggle to eat most foods without choking/vomiting, and I've gained a lot of weight lately with my current diet (apples+peanut butter and chocolate from work with the occasional protein shake/yogurt/gluten free pasta dinner), feeling really bleh about the weight gain and want to lose it..

Been a bit more open about the nyan issues, both personally and in art- even got a medical prescription related to it, though the prescription itself still hasn't come in yet and I don't trust it to work well to be honest.. it's just an expensive bad habit. But I'm more open about it, which I guess is the important thing.

In terms of art, I don't know what I want to do exactly... I have a few short term goals- update my stream a bit, do some updated console reference sheets, draw nyans, but otherwise not sure.. Rotten Nyan's on indefinite hiatus since I can't get myself to work on it anymore, but I'd like to go back someday. I want a big project to work on, though, I just don't know what.. I have Ren, my latest vent OC, but they're very weird and I still feel self conscious about them, and don't really know what to make with them.. at least I've been doing that October challenge with them though.

In short just in a mental space where I'm just drifting, no goals, no desires, nothing I want to watch or play or experience, no one I feel like hanging out with, just kinda drifting 24/7... but at least my menhera's gone down a lot since medication, I used to have some concerningly bad thoughts before I started taking them which thankfully have dissipated I think..

Also Twisted Wonderland is still good. Vil is good. Cater is good. Jade is good. Lilia and Epel and Leona and... Boys good.

Here Ny's current anime boy husbandos (I wanted to fit Hiiragi too but 7 is such a weird number to chart..)

[journalgirl]

The Joy of Running Out

Let’s pick up like old friends…

I’m not sure these days how many people read blogs, so I’ll write for myself and let you read. 😉

My art and materials have changed since we last spoke. I’ve shifted to coloring my own drawings, and messy collage work in my art journals. The imagery and details have deeper meaning — I referenced one in my last therapy appointment to the delight of my therapist.

When I started creating art, it was a struggle to translate my emotions from words — which was my primary way of expressing myself — to images. When you pick up art later in life, after college, there’s a learning curve. Composition. Color. Line. Medium. Substrate. I feel my early days was me throwing whatever made me smile at the page and seeing what stuck. Then manipulated to try and tell a narrative.

I rarely use paint, unless it’s in the form of a marker. I collage with a glue stick. Whatever I use most is within reach of my giant chair in the living room, where I do 80% of my art. And for a girl who rejected many coloring books because the tiny details made my hands ache…it appears that doesn’t apply when I am the one doing the drawing!

What’s different is me.

While we all long for the inspiration that propels us to create every day, I often struggled doing so. I was ill and exhausted and wished I could do more, create and experiment, like my friends. I did my best, said, “Good enough,” a lot.

I’m living in a new state — my third! — in my own comfortable apartment filled to the rafters with art supplies. I encourage you to find a closet or cabinet that holds anything else (ok the kitchen is just the bulbs for my studio lights, but it’s the safest space). You won’t find one. There’s less stress and more self-care. I work a wonderful day job I love, but also continue to struggle with mental and physical health issues.

I say this because, about a year ago, something amazing happened: I started working at least 2 hours a day on art. It started with coloring the work of other artists, then drawing florals, collage, and now I live in the world of mandalas and the mix of supplies that continue to inspire me.

(I’m actually taking a break from my current one; I’m in hour 7.)

As you can figure by the tumbleweeds gathered in the corners of this blog, I didn’t share much on social media. I don’t spend nearly as much time on my phone, and when I post, I’m in the frame of mind that I’m sharing with my friends. There are rarely hashtags, the posts are inconsistant, and doesn’t see much engagement past my Facebook friends. It wasn’t very important, running to share something the moment I put pencil to paper; I fell into this pitfall a few times in my life, and it always ruined and disrupted my inspiration.

Now? Now I make stuff, and if people like it, awesome! I actually taught my first class in 10 years to a small group of friends and delighted more in the kind words from friends who shared my post. Because my students were friends, I didn’t feel pressure to have everything set up perfectly. I no longer have a DSLR to film with, and my laptop is a modified MacBook Pro from 2009. I loved teaching live, as I could get feedback from my students, as well as answer their questions, in real time.

(I’m working on a ‘sequel’ right now, as I ran out of time to share everything!)

The joy? Using much loved supplies to the point they need replacing because of how much you use them. Being able to info dump at friends all I’ve learned from wearing out even the expensive stuff.

Sometimes, you need to run out of what was so there’s room for what can come. But the only way you get there is to just run free with radical acceptance, use the pretty things, and allow something you never expected to take root and grow.

I’ll see you next week, friends.

💜 Kira

(Yes, I am changing my legal name!)

[kimarisgundam]

I don't know if I should be annoyed at my friend, or at her dumbass Rockerboy character???

My friend who plays the Exec responded to my IG Story demanding I let her Exec meet my character's bro. I'm like "No. Sue me"

Exec was literally trying to threaten me by saying he found out who my sponsor is

And he'll rat me out to the party

But I Uno reversed him cos like...

Ok, so you found out Tanaka-san is my unofficial adoptive father

Tanaka-san, the high ranking executive who's one of the heads of Arasaka's R&D department

Tanaka-san, the guy who ordered my bro to tie our Rockerboy to a chair in front of a mirror and make him watch as his limbs are pulled off

You know that's my backer and you try to threaten me? You should know that you're lower on Arasaka's food chain than me

Like how dare you even speak to me

I had the upper hand until he brought up our Rockerboy's streetdrug use ಠ_ಠ

And I'm so frigging pissed cos the "tail between your legs" line got thrown back at me ಠ_ಠ

I'm so annoyed at my friend cos the reason why her Rockerboy is addicted to synthcoke again is because

she didn't read the rule book ಠ_ಠ

For context, our DM feels that streetdrug use is very common in Night City. So she made a homebrew "drugs menu" to rebalance the effects of drugs to give us more of an incentive to use

Eg. Cigarettes give you a +1 Cool stat when using them. So if you are trying to seduce someone, it gives you an advantage

But after using, if you fail the DV check you will become addicted and have to regularly smoke or you'll get a -1 Ref cos you can't focus without smoking

She adjusted therapy to have a DV check based on how addictive the drug is... but the original Player Rulebook rule that if you do the same drug again within 1 year of getting clean, you will AUTOMATICALLY fail the DV check

My friend's Rockerboy has the highest Will stat and a Resist Torture/Drug skill, so she's the most reckless with streetdrug use during combat/RP cos she thinks her Rockerboy will always pass the DV check

But she uses drugs so often to boost his stats that he eventually becomes addicted to something cos of a bad roll ಠ_ಠ

The worst part is, she prefers the drugs with high stat boosts, but those are also the drugs with the worst side effects ಠ_ಠ

Eg. -2 Reflex and -1 Empathy for synthcoke. And the drug doesn't even last 24 hours, so now he's constantly using to prevent the draw backs ಠ_ಠ

And for every 4 hours he goes without satisfying his cravings, he will be penalised with stackable additional point loss ಠ_ಠ

A few sessions ago we were paid eddies and "high quality" streetdrugs for a job. Our Rockerboy promised my character he won't do synthcoke again, so he's going to sell it

Yeah ಠ_ಠ. One session later my friend was like "I puff a drug, give me the stat boost" during a fight ಠ_ಠ

I immediately gave her the stink eye. She didn't say which drug she used, but I was 90% sure it was the synthcoke

I think our DM texted her that her Rockerboy was automatically going to lose the DV check, cos she had a "Oh crap, I messed up" face after checking her phone ಠ_ಠ

I'm so flipping mad at my friend and her gonk of a Rockerboy ಠ_ಠ

I'm getting pressured by our Exec now cos my Netrunner has been helping the Rockerboy hide his synthcoke use

Her Rockerboy can't even get "clean" now cos she keeps failing the therapy DV check cos of bad luck. And it's not like we always have time to go for therapy???

You need a full free week to go. A week that could be used doing other things. Our DM said she'll give our Rockerboy a +2 bonus if my Netrunner is with him for emotional support...

But everytime I accompany him, it eats my entire week too T_T

It's his second time getting addicted to synthcoke, so he needs 2 therapy sessions and we just can't pass the second one

Therapy is so expensive. He can't afford to keep going, so he ends up just spending the eddies on cigarettes and synthcoke to satisfy his cravings and I'm losing my crap cos everyone is starting to realise something is wrong with him again

When is something ever not wrong with him ಠ_ಠ

The Exec is right. I suspect he was so reckless when encountering my bro cos he was having a psychosis episode due to Empathy loss ಠ_ಠ

For every stack you get, you must do 1 extra puff/shot of the drug to remove the stack. I swear, he's lying to me. He has more than 1 stack and he doesn't have enough drugs to remove them ಠ_ಠ

I'm so mad! Like irl and in game! He's so irresponsible! But I can't leave him cos I don't want him to hurt himself again. He's my best choom, I should be there for him

[wellijustfinnihedoneofthebooks]

My love of my ocs is directly proportional to my hatred of being alive