#therapist friend override
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the main thing I love about lumax is how they actually have had real conversations and shared emotionally and learned about each other (unlike some other ships).
the thing is though, I can't think of one lumax emotional sharing scene where it's Lucas doing the sharing. and I honestly can't imagine that when Max wakes up that this dynamic is going to be different.
it's funny that Max has the rep for being the one with high walls, but now she's actually had multiple scenes where she opens up to/in front of him. in fact, I'm thinking Max has spent easily the highest % relative to her total screentime on "opening up" scenes compared to any other party member. while Lucas, the one fanonized as being such a well balanced and emotionally open dude, has actually never said much of anything to his girlfriend, or anyone, about himself.
#i do love lumax but i guess i woke up and chose violence today#lumax being the best canon ship doesnt mean it doesnt still need work#I dont think its a 'lucas has high walls' thing but rather that lucas places more importance on being a listener/supporter#therapist friend override#'I have problems too but if we both have problems at the same time I bury mine and listen to yours'#for real am i forgetting? is there a single piece of Lucas lore we didnt see on screen?
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#im really just ranting so pleasr ignore this post it really isnt that serious i just need to vomit it all out before i crash#i wish i knew who i was i wish i knew who i was going to be who i would havr been before everythong went to shit#before my parents beat my soul into submission before i retreated into myself so hard im killing myself just trying to come out again#i dont know who i am or what i want or even how to begin ttying any of that#my therapist started saying all the same things my dad would say abiut me and about my qork and about my life#id been with her for over 5 years so maybe she is right maybe my dad was right maybe my parents were right maybe i do deserve nothing#i hate my body but my partner says its beautiful i can barely face the day but my partner is happy when i do#they say my parents were wrong in so many ways but why is it taking me so long to prove it#ive been bad my whole life o was a bad kid a bad friend a bad adult but i wanna be goood so bad ii might puke#i know i can be good but why cant i prove it why is it stopping me why cant i push my my brain why cant i hit the override and just LIVE#its hard being 25 when i didnt think id make it to 15#its hard living when all you want to do is give up i want to give up i wish i could and maybe a few years ago i would have#but now for the first time in my life i want to live i want to do good but my brain body and soul have no idea how#i think im autistic and the worst part is realizing how much of me that is how much i should havr been cared for#i have to learn how to live in the world but the world is so scary and it hurts and my therapist talkrd a lot about getting used to it#she wanted me to dive in and didnt understand no matter how many qays i tried to explain to her how much it painrd me to try it her way#i wish i could just do it that i could grin and bear it but i cant anymore i cant just do it#i wish i could just become who i was supposed to be someone without the pain and the torture and the constant berating#someone who can have a job and cook dinner and still feel whole after it all#i jist want to live i want to be good i want to get better and i feel like peeling my skin off my body i feel like ripping out my teeth#it makes me feel awful every time i cant do sometbing because i was getting better i couod feel it and now im in hell this is worse#i feel like im experiencing depression for the first time all over again ivw never been so violently thrown bacj into the pit#please i want out i want to hear creaks without thinking someone is 8n my home i want to clean like someone isnt watching me#i want to move around my home like i dont expect to be graded i want to be able to sleep at night and not have tomorrow ruined by flashback#im so so tired and for the first time in my life o dont wanna give up i wanna be better but i dont know how#every time i try to get help something goes wrong and i run out of insurance soon so im probably just fucked#my antidepressants arent doing shit and my birth control makes everything harder and i jist wish i could take medication and live#im tired im tired but ive been crying in the bathroom for over an hour because sometbing so stupid triggered me#and now im a child again and i have work tomorrow and i cant scream and cry into my partner cause they have work#they work so hard for us and i can barely do a day im so fucking pathetic and yet they stay with me
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Don't Speak 32
Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, stalking, manipulation, reclusive behaviour, disordered eating, dissociation, allusions to abuse, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: Reader is a reclusive loner who ventures down to the library on a simple mission. Her task is complicated by the man she meets there. (f!short!reader)
Character: librarian!Andy Barber
Note: 👀
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)
Love you all. Take care. 💖
You turn off the heater as you look one last time over the space. Everything's set away neatly as the falcon sits on oak leaves, its feathers carefully forged from the streaks of your brush. You're proud, you're so close to done and you've always struggled with following through. You'll be sure to tell Steve, you mean, Dr. Kemp at your next session.
Or tomorrow.
You catch yourself smiling at that thought. No, you shouldn't be so happy. He's your therapist. He's helping you. It's his job. But he said he's your friend, didn't he?
You close the garage door behind you and lock it. The TV blasts loudly from the front room and your mood quickly grays. You leave your slip-ons by the door and tiptoe towards the den.
It's empty. Sports commentators sit around a desk talking about stats and numbers you don't understand. Andy isn't there. Only the empty beer bottles across the coffee table.
You go into the kitchen but don't find him there either. Is he upset? Maybe he went to bed.
You turn off the television and shut off the lights before you head upstairs. You pad up slowly, dragging your hand on the railing as you yawn. You'll make it up by cooking breakfast. For now, you just want to sleep. You hope some cuddling can placate him.
As you turn down the hall, you notice his room is open and the lights are off. Yet the door closer to you, the guest room where you used to sleep, is lit up. You near, your chest dropping as you hear the flutter of pages.
You peek around the door frame and your lip trembles. He's not supposed to do that! Dr. Kemp said he can't do that.
You watch Andy as he holds your journal, scowling as he sits on the side of the bed. His shoulders slump unevenly as he curls his lips at the pages. He shakes his head and grumbles as he reads.
"Andy," you step into the doorway, "hey, that's mine."
You stomp towards him, your anger overriding any fear. You grab for the journal as he looks up at you, blue eyes cloudy and brow furrowed. He holds the book out of reach as he stands. You back-up as he towers over you.
"Is this yours too?" He shows the vibrator in his other hand, "hmmm," he slurs slightly as he looks down at the pages again, "'Dr. Kemp gave me a gift. I don't know if I should open it though. I don't know what to do with it…'" he curls a finger around the slender bullet toy and flips through the pages, reading more, "'Today Dr. Kemp taught me how to use the toy and relax. It felt good but it's hard to focus.'" He stops and swallows, "I tried but I couldn't think of Andy. It felt wrong."
He snaps shut your journal and flings it just past you, the force gusting against your side as you flinch. You whimper and back away. He was never meant to see that. Those are your personal thoughts.
"Andy, that's my journal–"
"What? You still don't love me?" He lumbers forward, slightly off kilter, "you'd rather–" he shows the toy and clicks the button, "a piece of plastic!?"
"No, no, it wasn't… it's to help me so… so I know what to do. Dr. Kemp–"
"He gave you this. He gave you this and you didn't tell me," his voice grows louder and louder as you shrink smaller and smaller, "you won't even let me try to make you feel good."
He shakes his head, as if trying to escape some unseen veil. He whips the toy away from him, leaving a dent on the wall as the buzz stops and it bounces onto the floor. You fold your hands against your chest and retreat step by step.
"I'm scared, Andy," you sniffle.
"And I'm hurt," he snarls and lunges for you.
You yipe and beat against his chest as he clutches your arms. He squeezes so tight you cry out. He's so strong you can't resist him. You push on his stomach, trying to wriggle free as he teeters around with you trapped.
"Andy, please, please, I never--I didn't mean anything. I was only… I was trying to be better. Like you want me to. Please, please," you put your hands on his thick arms, the strength cording in his biceps, "don't hurt me. Please. Please, I'll be better, I'll be better."
He stills, keeping his grip above your elbows. His long lashes flick and he scowls down at you, "you think I would hurt you. After everything I've done. You think I would…" his eyes glisten and he turns to grit his jaw at the wall. "You don't love me."
"No, Andy, I love you, I do," you babble. Just say what he wants. That's all you can do, "I do, please…"
"Then why are you so fucking scared?" He turns to you and grabs your chin, bending to look you in the eye. You squirm and grasp his wrist, on your toes as he nearly chokes you. "I've waited… I've been nice…"
He turns with you almost dangling from his hold. Your feet drag on the floor as you stumble. You whine as he walks you back. You're dizzy with his force and the way he moves you so easily.
"Please," you croak.
"You wanna see what a real man is like," he shoves you so you hit the foot of the bed and land on your back, "not some stupid fucking toy."
He puts his hand to the front of his jeans and you gulp. Your heart pounds like thunder, vision flashing like lightning as the storm of horror consumes you. You push yourself up as he fumbles with his zipper.
"Andy, let's go to bed–"
"Shut up," he barks and pushes you back down.
You bite your tongue as you fall heavy again. You push yourself up onto the mattress, dragging yourself backwards away from him. He leaves his jeans open as he advances on you, staggering as he jostles the bed, climbing up on his knees.
He reaches for you and you turn, crawling away frantically, desperate to get to the edge. He grabs your waist and hauls you back, collapsing his weight on you. You writhe, clawing at the covers as they slip down from the bed.
You're stuck pinned beneath him as he breathes into your scalp. He smells like beer and spit. He suffocates you to a panic, the walls closing in and a fiery heat scalding across your flesh.
"And-dy," you whimper as he hooks his arm around your neck, forcing your head up as your arms flail across the bed, "Andy….please…"
"Shhh, baby, it's okay," he nuzzles your crown, "you wanna feel good. I'm gonna make you feel good. Huh?" He tightens his arm so his bicep presses against your throat, "or did you lie about that too?"
"N-no, please, it hurts," you sob.
"It won't hurt if you stop," he bends his arm until you can't breathe, jutting his chin against your skull, "stop fucking moving."
You freeze. His timbre alone is a threat. He puffs, the alcoholic taint curdling in your nose as he brings his other arm between you.
As he keeps his arm under your neck, he forces you to arch your spine, his nails scratching your lower back as he grips the back of your pants. You close your eyes as you quiver. You feel your chest tearing apart, your nerves pinging wildly, your entire being falling to pieces.
Love, love, they all say love before they hurt you.
He rips down the back of your jeans and growls. The force of it jerks your limp body. You try not to think as his hot breath slips down the side of your face.
He rolls the denim down, quickly tugging down your panties and baring your ass. You squeak as your naked flesh rubs against the vee of his open zipper. He pulls his hand away, leaning on one knee as he lifts his pelvis, feeling between your bodies.
He grunts and shifts, further bouncing the bed under you. He plants both knees and snakes his arm beneath you, keeping his other at your throat. He wiggles as he feels along your pelvis, nudging your legs as far apart as they can go against the denim.
He dips his hips down as you feel his tip along the curve of your ass. Your heart drums behind your ears, drowning out his raspy groans as his fingers frame your cunt and part your lips. You clench, bracing the bed as salty tears slip free and stain the blanket beneath.
He catches his tip between his knuckles and jerks. He slides to your entrance and prods, tilting awkwardly until he can line up. He pushes, straining you dryly. He bucks, trying to force his way in and you shriek.
He grunts and tries again, the chafe sparking a fire inside of you. You reach back, grasping the slack fabric of his jeans as you keep your other hand fisted around the blanket. He thrusts again, grinding in another inch as you exclaim.
You babble and bawl as he rocks. You feel his frustration at the resistance of your body. You try to let him in, try not to feel and just let it happen.
As he splits you, burying himself deep, you let out a horrid cry. Your head dangles over his forearm as you sob against the bedding and he puffs into the crook of your neck. He eases back slowly before sinking in again. Your squirming does little to deter him.
His nose tickles your temple and he bows down to kiss your cheek as he begins a tempo. Long, slow, and torturous. Each dip inside is worse than the last.
"Baby, doesn't that feel good? Don't I feel good? Hmm, better than the toy?" He kisses your cheek again, "you feel good on me."
You gulp and choke on the eruption of tears. His groans and growls seep into you, his body rumbling with the delight he takes in your destruction. Your terror fades to disbelief and the well dries up, leaving you silent and staring.
"Tell me, honey, tell me I feel good. Tell me it's better." His hand creeps up to grope your chest as he pumps into you.
You shudder and turn your face down. You hide in the darkness of your eyelids. Your body is racked in agony and repulsion.
"Yes…" you utter as his arm loosens around your neck, "yes, it's…" you squeal as he ruts too hard, "good!"
"Mmmm, yeah, baby, this is what you want. You're just too afraid… this is what we need. Both of us…" he sighs as he fucks you into the bed.
He flattens you against the mattress as his pelvis claps against you. He keeps you arched awkwardly as he rams into you over and over. The tension tautens his muscles and he drops his head down to nibble at your ear.
This isn't happening. It isn't happening. It can't be. It can't.
You repeat your denial over and over. Trying to convince yourself that this isn't real. That you can't feel a thing.
You're not in your body. You're somewhere else. You're not there. Even if you are, it won't last forever. It will end and you'll be left to wallow.
Alone. Amber isn't coming to comfort you now.
🕊️
The world is foggy. You stare into nothing, your surroundings nothing more than shadows. You're in a void. You never want to think or feel again.
You won't cry. Not anymore. You have nothing left.
A footstep makes you wince. You can hear… him. You roll onto your side and whimper. You hurt everywhere.
You smell him on the pillow and the blankets. You reek of him. You realise then you're not in the same bed, you're in his.
His voice drones indiscernible outside the room as you hide beneath the duvet. His tone brings you back, him cooing as he carries you down the hall, laying you down, undressing you, touching you all over. Doing that again.
You suck in your lower lip and fight the tide rolling under the surface. He gets closer, you can hear him more clearly even if you try not to. The door opens and his shadow looms against the wall.
"Thanks for checking in. No, she's okay. We went out for breakfast," he explains as you feel his gaze through the layers between you, "something upset her stomach, she's laying down." A pause, the garbled response from the phone speaker, "I'll tell her you say hi. She should be fine in no time. Yep, okay, doc, thanks again."
He sighs as he hangs up. He puts the phone down heavily and nears the bed. You feel it dip by your feet as he climbs up, crawling up your body as he tugs at your only shield. He peels away the duvet, slipping beneath it as he once more smothers you beneath him.
"Mmm, honey," he holds himself over you as he urges you flat on your back, "you're delicious…" he kisses along your shoulders and across your chest, "beautiful, you know that?" He purrs, the tip of his nose sending chills through you, "you're a bad girl, keeping all this from me…" he pinch your nipple with his teeth and you squeak, "will you be a good girl for me, dove?"
You nod frantically. Whatever it takes to make him stop touching you. You'll do whatever he wants if it means he'll leave you alone. Maybe not forever, but eventually.
"Good," he kisses along your stomach, "that's all I ever wanted… to be good to you. To be good for you."
Your muscles tie and you lock your hands in fists. He descends your body inch by inch. You roll your eyes back, drifting into oblivion.
It's not forever. Nothing is.
#don't speak#andy barber#dark andy barber#dark!andy barber#andy barber x reader#fic#dark fic#dark!fic#au#series#defending jacob#librarian au#fresh#steve kemp
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MOON IN THE 3rd HOUSE: Observations
Those with this placement have a high degree of emotional intelligence. They understand their own feelings quite well and they tend to intellectualize their emotions rather than truly feeling them. They are incredibly considerate of others, and careful with how they use their words. Within friendships, people may treat them like a therapist. Moon third houses are great at comforting people and are fairly non-judgmental when analyzing the problems of others. They are incredibly curious and this tends to override whatever negative thoughts they may have towards someone. If they don’t like someone, they will try to understand why this is the case, rather than stubbornly sticking to opinions before having all the relevant facts. These types are great at small talk and know how to manipulate a conversation to get the information they want. People-watching is definitely a favorite activity of theirs, they find comfort within observation. They are also probably fairly involved within the neighborhood that they live in. They are the types of neighbors who pass out holiday cookies and are always there to offer a helping hand. Moon third housers take the time to memorize people's names and faces, they are the types who say hi and smile when you pass them on the street. They make everyone feel seen and they genuinely care about the people who surround them within daily life. Waiters and cashiers are fond of people with this placement due to their ability to strike up an authentic conversation despite a lack of familiarity. Moon third housers are incredibly agreeable and diplomatic. Due to these qualities, they tend to change their opinions often. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing because it makes them adaptable. They are social chameleons. Moon third houses have many different types of friends because they like to be surrounded with variety, and they appreciate differing perspectives and viewpoints. People pleasing is another tendency that comes with this placement. On an intuitive level, moon third housers know what people need from them and it can be hard for them to say no given that they are very empathetic. Growing up, they may have had to be protective or responsible over siblings. They prioritized the needs of their siblings over themselves, and it is easy for them to get stuck in this same behavior pattern as adults. This is also why they struggle with feeling their own emotions, they weren’t allowed to do this as children because that would get in the way of tending to someone else's needs.
#moon in the third house#astrology#astrology placements#astro community#astro observations#astro notes#astrology observations#natal astrology#astrology notes#astrological observations#astrological houses#natal chart#astrology tumblr#birth chart#zodiac#natal chart analysis#birth chart placements#birth chart analysis#moon#the third house#zodiac placements
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harm reduction question, sorry. i dont know who to ask.
my best friend is chronically suicidal and recently told me she has a DNR card. i am trying to understand her perspective and why her doctors and therapists would sign off on this, but i'm honestly really mad. shes really young and physically healthy. she says she is at total peace with willing to die, but i am not. i believe in her right to decide what to do with her life, but it really upsets me that she's not even going to try. and i don't want to be selfish but i have slept next to her in hospitals for years and the idea of her just quitting after everything scares me. it pisses me off that she just plans on dying with no warning or consideration for her loved ones. why does her autonomy override the importance of her life? am i wrong to be mad she doesn't seem to care at all?
anyway that you feel about this situation is completely valid + you aren't obligated to perform or force any emotions that you don't have or suppress any that you do. i'm also surprised that a medical system would issue a DNR for somebody based purely on psychiatric reasons but i don't have enough information about the situation to really understand how or why that might have happened. i would be ever so slightly skeptical of whether this actually happened or what this actually entails unless you know more about the situation's veracity than i do.
there's a huge difference between believing someone should have the right to do something + being happy or at peace with someone exercising that right. if this was my best friend, i would also be devastated + probably also pissed-- i just wouldn't believe that they should be obligated not to do it just because it pisses me off.
your emotions aren't selfish. the only thing i would say is that to me, the importance life is the autonomy- for me, my life only holds meaning insofar as i have autonomy over it, otherwise my life belongs to others. preserving life for life's sake, even through extreme coercion or punishment, is not something i support, no matter how painful the alternatives may be. that being said, there have been many times in my life where i wanted to die but chose not to or was forced not to + i am grateful for the experiences that i've had which i otherwise would have missed, had i died. i always hope that other people can hang on to that fact that death forecloses possibilities + causes a great deal of pain, so should not be taken lightly. it would also make me very angry if i felt that someone else in my life was numbing themselves to that reality.
this is an unimaginably painful situation to be in + i am sending you so much love <3
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Hi Mrs. Haitch :D!!! I have a bit of a problem dump in the following 2 paragraphs. And I absolutely do not expect you to read or respond unless you want to! You’re not a therapist and you’re not responsible for others’ emotions. If you do want to read/reply, that’s really welcomed as well!
I personally have had/am having issues with men who are in their thirties hitting on me when I thought I made it clear I just want to be completely platonic friends AND they all knew my age from the start 🥲 TW - I was 19 when two 33 year olds sexually harassed me (one was a coworker who said stuff out of the blue, like, “you want kids? I’ll put one in you” (for context, he heard me talking to my co-hostess about wanting to raise children in the ways I never got loved, nurtured, and cared for) // “What if I touch myself and moan your name?” // “Wanna hear a joke TRIGGER WARNING “Are you a school? Cause I wanna shoot kids inside you” which was literally such a disgusting and inexcusable joke??? Hello?) and currently there’s a 30 year old guy who KEEEEEPS trying to get me to be his super close friend (he was flirting CONSTANTLY until I made it really overly clear I don’t want romance with anyone atm). He knows I am 21 as well! Which is wild to me! Just wild. I’ve literally FELT my frontal lobe developing in the past few years (It’s like I could suddenly start to understand the importance of more practical decisions), and it won’t stop developing until I’m 25 either. So for a full grown 30 year old… to be… I’m 9 year younger than him… idk… it’s weird to me…
and I was wondering, should I feel bad for these people? Would you let pity/guilt override the judgment? (I am not perfect at all and have my share of flaws, but I have had a issues with letting hurt people who hurt people, get away with stuff they do to me AND I feel guilty for not being their personal therapist, even though expecting that of any single person who ISN’T one’s professional therapist, is unfair). You seem like a kind person who understands the depth of humans, so I think I trust your judgment! And would love to hear what you have to say if you want to share. The 33 year olds have deep rooted issues and my heart truly sympathizes with them (but I do feel a shit ton of disgust too. if they ever did that to somebody else I would be SO MAD).
I’m eventually somehow gonna figure these questions out (as life tends to go), so don’t worry about this ask at all if it’s not ur cup of tea, or is draining.
Take care and hope you have a LOVEEEELYYYY DAYYYYYY!!!! (Also curious what ur fav tea is? Mine is Numi’s earl gray. It’s too perfect, so elevated. Very flavorful and elegant and THE NOTESSSSSS oh god. Could write a whole post on it)
Anyone who thinks comments like that are flirting, need to be re-educated. With a baseball bat. They'll call it 'dark humour' when really they're just cunts, so they're doing you a real favour showing you that early.
Well done for not being flattered by the attentions of an older man, because...
If there's anything that women aged 30+ tend to notice, it's that when men their age hit on much younger women, it's usually because that man's character is lacking, he's emotionally immature, a predator who relies on younger women and girls being less self confident, and it is most often a RED FLAG.
These 30+ year old men are usually not with women their own age, because the women their own age recognise that they're arseholes or losers, most of the time, and we cringe when they then repeatedly shoot their shot with young women who they will flatter with that age old adage of 'you're so mature for your age!'
If they have deep-seated issues and they turn it into someone else's problem, without any sense of ownership or willingness to actually work on resolving or improving from their issues, RUN.
Never get with someone out of pity. Have some self-respect, and do not let them mistake your kindness for weakness.
Because people see me as understanding, I am a therapist. To everyone. All the time. Strangers, within hours of meeting me, will often pour out their emotional vulnerabilities and traumas; while I'm tough and able to compute it all, and to help them, and read through a solution, it is sometimes a heavy burden.
But for YOU, remember there is a difference between you therapising someone, and someone using you to trauma-dump. Learn to recognise the two, and protect yourself from being used, especially if these are the very same men who have recently been trying to get into your pants.
My favourite tea is Yorkshire Tea by Taylors of Harrogate, with a splash of milk and a spoonful of brown sugar or honey.
Don't let these pieces of shit use you, kiddo.
They're not "daddies"; they haven't earned such an esteemed title. Nothing daddy about these tramps.
All my love, and I have a knife in my pocket,
-- Haitch xxx
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i politely demand you talk about your nge/pacrim au!
thank you for enabling my behavior and for all your art omg <33333 i will attempt to coherently and briefly outline my thoughts
the short version is: yuuta/rika saves you post-battle and both are irrationally upset when it turns out that you already have a boyfriend.
yuuta would like to take some of the credit for digging you out the rubble, but the truth is, it was like his mech was on auto-pilot, overriding all of his controls to dig you out of a lifeless environment and stash your cold, limp body in the center chamber until yuuta and rika were transported back to the base.
yuuta doesn’t understand why he lost control of rika like that, nor does he understand why he feels so upset when he goes to visit you in the infirmary and there’s already some other man by your bedside holding your hand. he vaguely recognizes kokichi as a junior engineer who’s done a few surface level repairs on rika, and he’s surprised and green with envy to find out that kokichi is also your boyfriend.
yuuta doesn’t understand the anger he feels, or the headache he gets, or the panic attack that’s threatening to rise in him, or why his feet automatically drag him back to his mech, or why he feels like he could hear rika’s faint sobs and screams in his head and he lay in his pilot chamber. none of it makes sense and he can barely sleep because of it, but it happens every time he thinks about you and kokichi for too long; and strangely enough, if the thinks about how rika seemed to come to life to save you for too long. there’s some kind of missing link he can’t piece together.
when you’re conscious, you can’t seem to recall any part your childhood, and only have your memories from college onwards, save for bits and pieces of the attack you were a victim of. yuuta learns that you were studying to be an engineer, that you were moving to work at the hangar and be closer to your boyfriend, that kokichi was slated to pick you up from the airport that ended up being the site of attack. a small part of yuuta wishes kokichi had been there, thinks that rika wouldn’t have found him in the rubble.
you’re the miracle save, and somewhat become the baby of the hangar. world-renowned pilots you’d only ever studied in class stopped by to give you their condolences, offer their help. you try to remain calm when satoru gojo and kento nanami make an appearance as a duo in your tiny recovery room, calling you brave and bowing to you with a home cooked meal in hand. senior engineers do their best to recover your work from college, assuring you that your injuries and recovery period would be a non-factor in the hiring process—that you were free to start as soon as you felt comfortable. you get the most attention from yuuta, who makes himself a friend, and a critical part of your recovery, essentially firing your physical therapist in favor of fixing you himself.
everyone makes you feel welcome, but yuuta makes you feel safe. he holds your waist while you re-learn to walk, he sneaks you into the pilot’s lounge while the jaegers have their repairs done—and nods in faux-sympathy as you mourn the presence of your boyfriend, who seems busier than ever these days with nuisance repairs, jokes about how yuuji and megumi seem to be particularly reckless with their jaeger lately—he squeezes your hand when you have headaches and fractured flashbacks of your past that you can’t piece together, he holds you when you cry out of pure frustration of not being able to remember who you are
yuuta’s a real smooth talker, too. always knows exactly how to comfort you while your boyfriend is busy, always talks to the press about you so preciously, always makes you feel like you have a purpose even if you can’t remember your past self—maybe you weren’t meant to remember anything before him and rika, maybe it was meant to be this way. it’s a twisted comfort, but it’s something to cling to, it’s better than crying over memories you no longer have.
everyone notices yuuta’s weird reverse stockholm syndrome lol… the way he hovers over you like he’s your sole protector and savior, the way he demands to be privy to all decisions about your health care, the way he remains close to you with no fear of your boyfriend. nobody says anything, though—yuuta’s a pilot, a good one, and one the few solo pilots in the entire world. he’s precious and vital to humanity, worth a thousand men, worth ten thousand engineers. besides, his friends see something special between you two, especially the co-pilot pairs; satoru and kento, megumi and yuuji, choso and yuki—they know compatibility when they see it, and boyfriend or not, you have something special with yuuta. they all share a common thought: kokichi is fighting a losing battle. and even if he could beat yuuta, he’d never win against rika.
#answered#teehee there's So Much Lore that i could talk about but i tried to keep this a reasonable length#and i hope it feels slightly ominious teehee <333#this is really just me bringing back my favorite point to light again: none of the jjk boys are SHIT!#boyfriend>? never heard of him! to yuuta he's YOUR save#he and rika pulled you out of the dirt and snow and brought you back to life... hows ur boyfriend gonna compete with that? he shouldnt ://#he should give up :// it sure would make yuuta's life easier... sigh#also note! the rest of them aint shit either! bc WHY are they rooting for him 😭 terrible#there's so many versions of the au the temptation to truman show it is also there but i think i want that for something different#teehee <333 anyway thank u for ur art my dear !!!!!!!!!!#there's also another version which is simply youre a co-pilot with someone else#and the yuuta comes along looking like a kicked wet puppy and somehow he's like 98% compatible with you#and everyones like whoah what the fuck... which makes u angry bc u were perfectly happy being previously more compatible with ur boyfriend!#and here comes along this LOSER to ruin everything....... love of ur life but a LOSER#yuuta x reader#pacrim au
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Nahi to Pathyn: Word is we are moving camp tomorrow.
She had given up on not reaching out to her life lines, but what the therapist talked with her about had her a bit shook and she just needed a friend, but the only person she considered a true friend, one that actually knew her more than anyone, was Pathyn. Maybe before he went off the deep end she might have considered Kyean, but that was now locked up in a tight little place of anger in her mind.
Anger that she had let go of while she confronted Ky but then swallowed down, which the therapist said was not really a good idea. There was a whole bunch he said about her emotions, then sent her off to journal about how she felt about what he said.
That was part of what she was avoiding in the hopes to talk to Pathyn, but she continued to wait so she began to journal, fel take him…
It wasn’t until she was right about out of words that her comm blinked and vibrated.
Pathyn to Nahi: Hey girl. If you are going deep dark you need to be careful, things are a bit out of whack down there. I know you are pretty well protected in camp but all those creepy crawlies are devious.
Nahi to Pathyn: Yeah got the sense that was the case when they exploded up from the ground to take out a light that was keeping them at bay.
Pathyn to Nahi: That is nothing Nightengale, so you need to watch yourself and your company. How are you doing?
She knew that was not a polite question and it took her a few moments to answe. It was nice to be able to talk to him without awkwardness, but she wasn’t sure she liked the topic.
Nahi to Pathyn: I am not sure. I am pretty upset at him. Also, you need to know I don’t blame you for this at all. You are not his keeper.
Pathyn to Nahi: We are family and have been fighting together for thousands of years. I blame myself for not seeing what was going on. Or, I did see and thought he was just worried, I was so wrapped up in scouting I didn’t realize how far he was taking things.
Nahi to Pathyn: I knew too. At least I knew he was watching me. I didn’t think of the consequences if he got caught, or at least maybe I should have? Company life is still hard for me to understand.
Pathyn to Nahi: It takes time, it is much different for each company too. Yours is small and really well trained so anything like that needs to be handled, and quickly, before it gets out of hand. In our group we all have known each other for a long time, so problems like this have never come up before. What he did was very serious in the camps’ eyes, so much so they told him to leave until he gets his mind right. And they called his mother.
Nahi to Pathyn: They did what? Called his mother? You guys are eons old and that is still a thing?
Pathyn to Nahi: Some of our camp fought alongside her, it was why they did not punish him worse. Oh, and I sent her his comm override in case he tried to avoid her.
Nahi to Pathyn: Blessed sun, that is just cruel.
Pathyn to Nahi: We live in a matriarchal society, what he did was bad Nahi, not just for you but he was raised better than that. Something his mother told me in great detail becuase I wasn’t taking your safety seriously enough.
Nahi to Pathyn: He wouldn’t have hurt me, he wants and worries about me, yes. But hurt me? No, I don’t think so.
Pathyn to Nahi: In the eyes of our team he did hurt you, or your reputation at least. He knew better, and they could not just let him go without making sure he would deal with it. Hence his mother.
Nahi to Pathyn: What is she like?
Pathyn to Nahi: An older Priest of Elune. Bad ass and very devoted to the Goddeas. He is going to be in so much trouble. You have no idea. 😈
Nahi was envious of the little face at the end, she needed to figure out how to do such things.
Nahi to Pathyn: That makes me smile, and feel sorry for him at the same time.
Pathyn to Nahi: Do not do that. This was done to you and you don’t take the blame for being the victim in this.
Nahi to Pathyn: I am not a victim, Pathyn.
Pathyn to Nahi: You have your own consequences in dealing with this. How is everything in camp?
Again she knew what he was asking without him saying it.
Nahi to Pathyn: I know people are talking, I get the voices behind my back after I go somewhere but no one has approached me.
Pathyn to Nahi: What will you do it they do?
Nahi to Pathyn: Handle it like everything else in my life, with a smile.
( @themercenaries )
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Porcelain Doll, Chapter 7
Word Count: 1.7k
Warnings: mentions of drugging/being drugged, injury to ones self, Stockholm syndrome?, soft! Dark bucky, implied unprotected sex/smut, sex pollen
Bucky’s jaw tensed as he heard you moving about upstairs. It was just a few days since the Christmas party, and he knew that New Years hadn’t hit, but it still made him nervous to know that he’d been holed up in your basement.
It was the little things that triggered him, making him remember the patchy moments of when he was locked up by HYDRA.
Above him, you were setting up the living room for your therapy session. Your therapist had made it painfully obvious to you that you were regressing, and had made the Christmas party more of a showing to Bucky, instead of enjoying it for what it was; a holiday party.
“You need to stop your unhealthy obsession, Margo!”
“It’s not an obsession…Bucky kissed me before-“
“And you had sex with Andy Barber,” he pointed out, cutting you off, “you’re focusing your attention on older men, and I can’t help but wonder why? What is your fascination? Is it parental issues? I know that you and your father were close before he passed. Are you missing the affections of an older man in your life? Do you just want the attention? Or is it the drama?”
You stood up, glaring at him, “this is over…you need to leave!”
“Margo, it’s my job to ask the difficult questions.”
“And now it’s not,” you growled, not wanting to continue any longer, “you’re fired! I’m eighteen now, and I’ve surpassed the amount of time that it was mandated that I see you!”
“Fine,” he huffed. Bucky heard the floorboards above himself creak, and he glared at the ceiling from his spot in the basement, “but as Bucky’s friend, I’m going to have to let him know that you have these…feelings…a school girl crush if you will.”
“Get out.”
Bucky wasn’t mad.
He’d been beyond pissed. But there was something about his friend threatening to out you to him that made him transfer his anger to the man that was in his late forties instead of the woman who had managed to lock him up in her basement.
He didn’t blame you when you left your house in a huff, not even twenty minutes after him. He knew that today was your day where you would go shopping and get chores done.
He’d remembered that from when you were at home before college.
And so he planned on using that to his benefit.
In your rush, you had forgotten to fully close the cuffs, leaving him enough room to dislocate his thumbs and slip out of them.
“Friday?”
“Yes Sergeant Barnes?”
“Manual override locking mechanism in the basement,” he said with a smirk, “Password: Tolkien.”
There wasn’t a response.
Only the sound of the door’s lock clicking into place, before creaking open.
Bucky sighed to himself. You were a sweet girl. A smart one too. And he’d be lying to say that he didn’t have feelings even after all of the craziness of you abducting and drugging him.
In a little spot of his mind, it was slightly endearing.
Ever since his wife had cheated on him with Steve, he had become increasingly more resistant to forming relationships. He knew that. It wasn’t a matter of guessing; it was a simple fact. So, when he felt himself developing the feelings, he panicked.
Quite literally.
The day that he kissed you he remembered running home and hiding in his house for two whole days, before he remembered that he couldn’t avoid you forever.
And by the time summer had come, he’d done a decent job of avoiding you long enough that he didn’t say anything stupid or ask you on a date.
But god, did he want to.
“Shit…” he muttered, looking around the main floor. His jacket and wallet were nowhere around. Neither were his keys or his phone.
Stepping to the foot of the stairs, he noticed his jacket on one of the hooks, but he surmised that his stuff had to have been hidden in your room.
It was a short journey upstairs, but he was surprised to see that the master bedroom was not what he had expected it to be.
It was simple yes, with a calm blue-gray wall and a large bed. But each side had a nightstand. On the side that you had slept on there was an alarm clock as well as a charging station for your phone. But on the other side was his keys, wallet, phone, and a picture of the Howling Commandos.
Part of him felt butterflies in his stomach.
You had made it feel like he was already supposed to be there.
“Shit…”
He shook his head and tried to push away his feelings, while he grabbed his items and ran to the dresser on that side. The drawers were full of his clothes. His brow quirked.
How did you have the time to go get his stuff?
How did no one notice you going into his home and bringing stuff over to yours?
Getting changed, he tucked the dirty clothes back into the drawers, not wanting to raise any suspicion. He grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone from the nightstand, and threw them in his pockets.
But just as he was getting ready to leave, he noticed a few small thumb sized baggies on top of your diary. He frowned, realizing that those must have been the drugs that you had been feeding him to make him pass out.
Picking them up as to discard them later, he put them in his pockets, but his eyes caught on the words that were scrawled onto the page. You had written something that very morning.
A page, all about him.
You were talking about how much you loved him, and how eventually he would see that you were only keeping him locked up until he realized it. But that it would be enough time for you to finish your project.
Unsure of what you were talking about, Bucky made his way down the hall, to where your old bedroom used to be.
Pushing the door open, he gasped as he stepped inside.
You had turned it into a nursery.
‘He’s just the sweetest guy…and I think about him all the time. How he was there for me after my parents died. How he rebuilt the house and made it safe for me. How he gave me a voice when I felt like I was alone…it woke something up inside of me. I went from silly little crush to falling in love with him.’
“Bucky?”
Bucky’s eyes snapped to yours, his mind quickly bringing forth the words that he'd seen scribbled on the diary's pages.
‘It makes me wonder what he would be like in the future…if we had a child together. If we created a family together. That kiss made me really see the whole picture. That he feels the same. He may not be willing to admit it all the time, but I know we’re meant to be something.’
“Wh-what are you doing here?”
You were nervous.
He could practically hear your heart racing.
“Isn’t this exactly where you wanted me?” he asked, his voice sounding husky enough to send a shiver down your spine.
“Ho-how did you get out of the basement?”
“I don’t think that matters right now,” he uttered, “What I think truly matters is how you thought you were going to get away with this.”
You swallowed nervously, “I-I-“
But you froze when you saw him pulling one of the little baggies out of his pockets, “and this?”
“Th-that’s not what you think it is, Bucky…”
“Oh…I know exactly what it is,” he smiled, opening it up. Your eyes widened when he blew it in your general direction. Your nostrils twitched, the sensation burning ever so slightly as it made it’s way into your system, “thing is…I don’t think you know what it’ll really do…”
“I-“
“Just a little baggie like this will keep the both of us on edge for hours,” he began. You felt your chest heave as you watched him take off his shirt, and start undoing his jeans. Your eyes traveled down to his crotch where he was already getting hard. Instinctively your mouth watered, “Hydra used to use this to control me and drive me mad…do you know the only way to get over getting sex pollen in your system, Margo?”
“N-No…”
Your skin felt like it was buzzing. It began to feel too sensitive. You began to feel too hot. The fabric was too scratchy against your skin.
“Go ahead, doll…take it off…I know what you're feeling right now. Truth is, I feel it too...” he urged gently, taking a few steps towards you. When you didn’t move, he closed the gap between the two of you. You watched as his muscles rippled with every movement. He reached forward and grabbed at the neckline of your dress. With a simple tug it ripped in half. Another ripple of shivers went down your spine as you became fixated on the valleys and peaks of muscle along his chest. His vibranium hand reached down and lifted your chin until you were staring into the set of steely, lust ridden eyes, “I know you can feel it working in your bloodstream doll. Now tell me…how do you get over sex pollen?”
“I don’t-I don’t know!” you admitted.
"I do!" he admitted. His smirk got wider, his lips brushing against yours, “I’m going to split you in half on my cock, doll…and then I’m going to cum so much…all inside that pretty little pussy of yours.”
You whimpered as his flesh hand cupped your cunt. He licked his lips and looked down at your already soaked panties, “you’re about to get your wish doll…but after this we won't need to worry about locks and handcuffs...you'll be full of me...all to the point where it'll be you that can't move. Doll, it’s you who won’t be able to get out of the bed.”
You whimpered again as he ripped your panties off of you with a single flick of his wrist, "B-Bucky..."
"Don't' worry doll...I take real good care of you," he moaned, his fingers eagerly slipping back towards your core and dipping inside of you. Your body arched against his, your core sucking his fingers in and clenching around him, "god...you feel like a little slice of heaven...my sweet little porcelain doll."
Chapter 8
Tag List: @teambarnes72, @lohnes16
#porcelain doll#marvel#marvel au#the avengers#bucky barnes#big bad wolf au#james buchanan barnes#sergeant james buchanan barnes#james barnes#sergeant james barnes#dark winter soldier#falcon and winter soldier#winter soldier x reader#the winter solider#the winter soldier
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ik its cuz of my cult Mormon upbringing but being a therapist and/or of service is just my natural zone. i need it for enrichment. i get this like mom friend override if i see someone in active distress. i feel useless if im not actually being a therapist
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[Inserts shitty summary]
The therapist, is introverted but will not hesitate to help friends when they're in need, basically mom friend override. Needs to calm the f down about being assassinated like dude- everyone in your friend group was either an assasin or hunted by one (give or take bucky that killed JF fucking K) Needs a love life or just his wingsuit- is a black cat energy until his "pasandida aurat" arrives. Definitely overdosed vitamin C, dudes too sour.
[Not me but they would enjoy the joke I made
@serenastark-official @gwen-stacy-earth616 ]
Ok this is scarily accurate
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Something About Michelangelo
[Click the image to go to the design's main page!] [This page is still a wip!]
Name: Michelangelo
Nicknames: Mikey, Angelo, The Fun Twin
Age: 16 (oldest)
Pronouns and Identity: He/They - Demisexual
Species: Southern Painted Turtle
Weapon: Nunchaku
Ability and Drawback: Pathokinesis
Mikey is able to manipulate the target's emotions to whatever emotion he desires, though at the present moment he hasn't learned how to control the ability properly. To use this, he focuses on the target he's attacking and their emotional energy, typically through intense eye contact. Once he's secured into his target, he himself becomes apathetic and somewhat akin to an empty husk while he floods the target's emotions with whatever he chooses, whether it's an intensification of present emotions or overriding with new ones. Once he has incapacitated them successfully, he draws back, oftentimes feeling 'a small flame reinvigorated in his body'. Many times, there is a brief period afterwards where he is still in a state of apathy, followed by a sudden surge of emotions based on the emotions he made the target feel (If he made them feel sad, he would feel the effect twice as strong when the apathy wears off and become depressed lets say). There isn't much of a method to combat this besides regular techniques to fight panic attacks, counter depression, etc.
His drawback is he enters into a state of apathy, lacking any emotion for a period of time. Any emotions projected onto the target effect him twofold afterwards, leaving him prone to bad panic attacks or depression
Personality:
Mikey puts on a carefree and overly relaxed facade. Truth be told, he’s always nervous and a bit depressed. He worries his powers will end up eventually hurting those around him, which brings him great stress. He, like Leo, also worries and stresses about his siblings. He is openly adamant about not being a co-leader of the team, worrying about how his leadership skills may hurt the team.
Mikey often acts on impulse, opting to act now and think about the consequences later. This has both worked for and against him on several different occasions, but usually results in him getting a lecture from Leo about being careful.
Mikey has a soft heart for his friends and family, and is willing to help a stranger in need, even if not the best idea. He takes great care to listen and sympathize with their problems, being a therapist in his own right.
He is rather secretive about his own feelings and thoughts, which has led to him bottling things up to prevent stress and worrying his family. In that right, he can be VERY stubborn. He also uses jokes as a coping mechanism and a means to relieve stress.
Despite being a rather kind-hearted turtle, he can flip VERY quickly when a friend or family member is in danger. He becomes terrifyingly vicious when the safety or lives of them is in danger, and has once or twice lost his temper when one of the others has been hurt badly by an enemy.
Hobbies: *Skating *Creating *Climbing and Parkour
Likes: *Barbeque Chicken Pizza *Jokes and Pranks *Annoying his brothers *Ghosts and the paranormal *sunrises and sunsets
Dislikes: *Anchovies *His ability (He actually HATES his Pathokinesis) *Being left alone
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Relationships:
Leo:
His relationship with Leo is interesting. Leo gets on his case about not taking things seriously quite often, and Mikey secretly admits rightfully so. He doesn't tell him that this is a means to cope with his sometimes overwhelming anxiety and depression from worrying about him and his brothers constantly, and dealing with the drawbacks of his ability which he believes to be a curse.
He believes that Leo is an incredible leader, and wishes he felt like he could take on that responsibility, but how can he take care of a team when he has a hard time even taking care of himself? He encourages Leo to come to him with the things that worry and stress him, and he's grateful his twin trusts in him enough to seek his help despite his apparent careless attitude. Mikey has been told time and time again by him that he can go to him for any problems he has, and he doesn't have to be alone in things. Mikey insists he's okay though. He doesn't want to worry or burden him or anyone else with his problems, and is terrified to talk about his abilities since he fears everyone would see him as a 'monster'. He has a sinking feeling that Leo knows that what he's doing is just a gimmick and a mask, but he's holding steady and refuses to falter. He thinks Leo already worries about the other two so much, and doesn't want to add more unnecessary stress.
The two tend to bond through talking about just about everything under the sun that they like, what they find interesting, friendly debates about toppings on pizza (You ever have barbeque chicken pizza before? Clearly Leo's playing it too safe)- just about anything. He appreciates Leo's assistance and sometimes participation in his creative endeavors and keeps all the things that Leo makes, much to Leo's embarrassment. He also likes to sometimes sit and listen to him practice his guitar, which he is open about.
Raph:
Mikey loves his younger brother. The two love to get into chaos and shenanigans together and feedback off of each other's chaotic energy. They also love pulling pranks on the others and each other.
He knows that Raphael looks up to and adores him, but deep down he wishes he looked up to Leo more, since he feels guilty about the admiration he receives from his youngest brother. He admires Raph's superhuman strength and ability and sometimes wishes he had his instead.
As siblings, they have a typical sibling relationship- Mikey LOVES to annoy him by getting into his space and bother him while he does something (Typically whenever he's trying to game), but is willing to lend a hand when he needs it, and hugs, comfort and advice. Mikey likes to keep him company when he's doing anything, and they bond over pranks and absolutely trash tier movies.
This doesn't mean they don't have their spats, though. Raphael and Mikey get into the occasional fight about abilities and unintentional babying. Sometimes the fights are over more petty things, though the fight gets resolved quickly, whether through a quick argument, or just Raph flipping Mikey onto his back when he's being particularly stubborn.
Donnie:
He loves Donnie a lot. He has a tendency to pick on Donnie just a LITTLE more than the other two though for the sole purpose of it's funny to annoy the hell out of him. Some light teasing, and having ZERO concept of Donnie's personal space especially since he knows Donnie can't really do much about it. He knows when to back off though and let him have his peace and will only annoy him if he's not really working on anything super important and in good spirits. In a way, its his way of bonding with him.
The two argue all the time about aliens and ghosts. Mikey believes in ghosts and the paranormal, and Donnie believes in aliens and extraterrestrial life. So far, neither have been proven right which drives BOTH of them insane.
Despite this, Mikey is a good therapist to him and he's glad that Donnie feels like he can talk to him about his problems.
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Trivia: *He has a (even if slightly weak) psychic connection of sorts with Leo, possibly as a result of the ooze. He can tell when Leo is nearby and how far, can sometimes communicate through simple eye contact, and can feel when he's dealing with drawback or intense emotions. He can tell when Leo uses his healing powers since it feels like a very faint and cool sensation along his hands and arms. He calls this ‘minty skin’. When doing this, both of his eyes turn blue.
*He has a scar on his shoulder from a recent injury, which also cracked his plastron. His plastron injury was transferred over to Leo and the injury on his shoulder healed, but it scarred over due to the nature of Leo’s ability.
*He has heterochromia
*Mikey has been keeping his secondary ability a secret for almost four years, opting to keep it from his family and doing a good job at it. This has led to everyone thinking he doesn't have one.
*He was also the last one in the family to find out he had a power
*He loves putting stickers on himself
*Mikey has a fear of being left alone for long periods of time, often making him anxious and stressed.
*Mikey met April first. She is the only one who knows he has powers at all
*Orange is his favorite color because it reminds him of sunsets and sunrises
*Originally, Mikey wasn't going to have any abilities whatsoever
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Things can/will change as time goes on!
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I feel like fandoms (honestly all of tumblr) need to learn what "codependent relationship" means. There IS a difference between a codependent relationship and a relationship where people healthily depend on each other and i see it confused so many times it drives me insane.
First of all, I should clarify I'm basically paraphrasing what was taught to me by my therapist and bits of what I've read, I am not an expert on this, but I am very passionate about the subject. I nearly didn't survive a codependent relationship and my fear of ever depending on another person again was only overriden by years of therapy. I feel that the confusion between those two things end up shaming people because of their need for support and it turns us distrustful and fearful of searching for and asking for help from our close ones.
The biggest cause of this confusion, imo, is the name itself. Codependency alone is not unhealthy. We, as humans, are codependent, there's a reason why we form families, build cities, search for community and friendships, people are deeply dependent on each other to feel healthy and happy. Healthy families and friend groups could be considered codependent.
The problem actually arrives when that support isn't equally given or is forcefully demanded. A couple that supports each other equally, for example, will depend mutually on each other for the same aspects of their lives, whatever is given is equally given back, if person A needs emotional support, that support is given by person B, and if B needs support, that support should be equally given by A without feelings of guilt, being under duress or emotional manipulation. Basically, people in a healthy dependent relationship will give and be given support equally.
So when does a dependent relationship turn into an unhealthy codependent relationship? From the moment one person turns into a giver and the other one, a taker. In unhealthy codependent relationships, person A (the giver) feels responsible and/or culpable for person B's feelings, and person B will feel entitled of A's unwavering support and will often think of themselves and their own well being as more important or deserving of priority over A's, as well as their partner's family, friends, career, etc. The takers will often manipulate the other person and try to guilt them into supporting their needs first or even abandoning facets of their lives in favor of the relationship.
Basically, the term codependency in an unhealthy relationship doesn't mean two people who depend on each other equally, it means the giver is dependent on caring for their partner so that they feel worthy and useful while the taker is dependent on their partner's attention and care to feel whole.
Sometimes that isn't that cut and dry though, and people will exchange positions as giver/taker depending on the facet of their relationship. Ex: person A might be a giver sexually while B is a taker but B might be a giver emotionally and A, a taker.
No matter the circumstances, in a codependent relationship, someone will always be neglected in at least one facet of their relationship and then likely expected to provide support while not receiving it back.
So how do I know if I'm in/observing an unhealthy codependent relationship?
1. Guilt
The givers will have feelings of guilt and responsibility for their partner's mental state, overriding their own feelings in favor of fixing things for their partner. This manifests as excessive apologizing and self-blaming even when the situation is out of their control, they might even manipulate situations in their minds to find blame for themselves and take it away from the other person.
2. Tension and Unease
Because one person feels solely responsible for their partners actions and emotions, they will often be tense and uneasy when in the presence of the other person. In my experience, I was very obsessed with every single movement and became an expert in knowing every telltale sign that things might be going south. Because I felt as if I was to blame for how they felt, I was constantly scared of doing something wrong, even unknowingly.
3. Excessive dependency
This one I feel people get confused with healthy dependency the most, so I'll try to explain the best I can.
In a codependent relationship, both partners feel that their emotions are tied to the other's actions and feelings, they no longer see themselves as responsible or independent in their own thought process as every aspect of their well-being is controlled by the other. For the giver, they see their own wants, needs, dreams, etc as less important than their partner's and will do anything for their approval and happiness.
This will manifest in taking a caretaker role and obsession towards their partner, usually the givers become so ingrained in the relationship they lose connection with their passions, personality, etc, instead only ever talking or becoming excited about their partner, as they only see themselves worthy in their position as carer for the other person.
For the taker, they feel that the giver is responsible for controlling their reactions, being constantly present and willing to support, and they no longer see themselves as responsible or able to control their own emotions without the presence of their partner. This will often manifest in demands for their partner's attention and anxiety, irritability or depression when they don't get it, need for control of their actions, time and company and excessive jealousy, not only towards possible romantic partners, but also family, friends and anyone that might be receiving what the taker sees as the love that only they deserve.
What AREN'T signs of a codependent relationship?
1. Suicidal thoughts or denial when a loved one dies (it's literally a VERY common symptom of grief)
2. People saying they'll die for each other. (I mean, it's kind of fucked up but tell that to parents everywhere. I feel like these thoughts just come to us when we love people a lot. I have them often with my best friends and my little sisters, feeling like you'd sacrifice everything because you love someone very much does not automatically mean codependent relationship)
3. Partners (romantic or otherwise) who depend on each other for emotional support over other people in their lives.
4. Partners (romantic or otherwise) who prefer each other's companies over others.
5. Depending on another person for emotional support that is freely given, as long as it is freely given back as well.
6. Wanting the company of a person you depend on when you feel emotionally fragile (given that it isn't excessive, and that the relationship doesn't already present any of the other characteristics listed above.)
#fandom#psychology#codependency#ships#motherland fort salem#arcane#critical role#long post#text post#shipping#lgbtq#codependent relationships#unhealthy relationships
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X-Men 97- OC
Sorry y'all, long ass post
Full Name: Shantel Latoya Warrick
Nicknames: Sunshine, Moonshine, Dixie
Alias: Moonshine
Age: 31
Appearance
Height: 5’10
Eyes: Onyx brown irises , White eyeballs (while using powers)
Hair: Curly Reddish-Brown, Green and Blue glitter hair (while using powers)
Teeth: Retractable fangs (while using powers), star tooth gems (while using powers)
Ears: Long elf ears
Birthday: Atlanta, Georgia June, 10th, 1966
Nationality: American
Ethnicity: 60% West African, 20% Cajun, 20% French
Gender: Female
Species: Mutant; Omega Level (Feral), Sorcerer (Voodoo)
Family: Scott Summers (Husband), Drusilla Warrick (Mother), Marcel Laurent (Father), Collette Warrick (Sister), Henrietta Warrick (Maternal Grandmother), Winston Earl (Maternal Grandfather), Bernice Warrick (Maternal Aunt), Francis Warrick, Deniss Warrick, Lance Warrick (Maternal Cousins)
Personality:
Trustworthiness: Shantel’s resourcefulness stems more from a place of her being innovative and imaginative rather than tactful on the battlefield. Not saying that she can’t be smart on the battlefield, but that like to use it more for personal reasons or in higley complex social situations, I mean she was a superstar after all, weaving through the social scene is her thing, she is quite the trendsetter. She is always there for her friends and family, whether it’s to be a shoulder to cry on or to kick someone's ass, she’s got you covered, and got your back in the battlefield. Don't worry, despite her love for gossip, she is quite the secret keeper, I mean she is immune to telepathy so your secrets are safe with her. She is basically the team's therapist, the amount of things she’s heard from her teammates that they wouldn’t dare tell anyone else.
Loyalty: Shanel has unwavering loyalty to her goals and motivations, she will live and die for the mutant liberation and very few when it comes to people. Despite her unconditional love and compassion, her loyalties can override the other and when the people she is close to overstep the boundaries she has to handle business. Scott, her parents and her sister, are the people she is most loyal to, even Really? Scott summers? Militant, strict and kind of introverted Scott Summers, look when I tell you she loves this man to death i mean it. She loves her leader and would go to bat for him, she respects him so much because she sees what he has been through the most, they have been through everything together, if she is near she will handle the disrespect. The amount of times people have had to break up fights with Logan and her is crazy.
Compassion: Amongst the rest of the X-Men she had the most stable upbringing, it explains why she came out with a non-tragic backstory. Her genuine interest and empathetic nature makes others feel heard and understood, giving back the same kindness and compassion she grew up with. She constantly praises friends and family, naturally lifting others up with positive genuine words making everyone around her feel more confident and valued, and always expressing her appreciation for them whenever warranted, Shantel is the team's morale. She is very perceptive, noticing the little details with ease, and is good at reading body language.
Fiery: She is not afraid to express herself openly and raise her opinions when asked for, is confident in herself and can embrace risk and accept any challenge thrown her way. She is very prideful, she is by no means narcissistic, she has been in the spot life most of her life, but that doesn’t mean she can crown her achievements. She is a black woman after all the world is already hard enough as it is to mutants, so she shows what she's got. But she is also impatient and her desire for action can make her a bit impulsive at times, she tries hard to control herself in public but when it is battle time it's the only time when she can really let loose when her feral side takes over. She is a bit short-tempered, mostly due to her mutation, and is likely to go to the danger room to duke out her emotions to burn herself out a little bit.
Backstory;
In Atlanta, Georgia on the cool spring morning of June, 10th, 1966 Drusilla Warrick and Marcel Laurent welcomed into the world they're beautiful set of twins, Shantel and Collette Warrick. Born to the magical Warrick bloodline, Shantel had already been destined to do great things like her ancestor before her, but soon problems would later arise when her mutation was discovered. As a young child Shantel and her family grew up on the Warrick’s family property, Magnolia Springs Ranch, she comes from old money and was brought up in an exuberant southern lifestyle.
Shantel loves to sing, dance and act. She loved going to places where she could perform on stage for people, she begged and pleaded with her mother to let her audition for things, but because shantel was going to a magical academy, her mother didn't want to make the move to LA. Finally when Shantel was 12 years old was thrust into the world of acting, her father had quite the connections to Hollywood and was able to get her her very own TV show just for her to film back home in Atlanta. Black Beauty it was called, where she played a pistol whipping cowgirl on an adventure with a magical horse in order to tame the wild west against outlaws. The show was a massive success, in the 80s and her career. The show runs for the next couple of seasons, until 1982, she records the first song for the tv show that blows up her music career, she's getting calls left and right in order to produce her music.
But her superstardom takes a turn when she suddenly develops her mutation, while in the midst of filming for a new movie she kind of explodes, not literally her mutation, Stardust, explodes in an array of dead stars and energy beams. Which gave the crew on site quite the startle, in the mutant hating world, this was quite the dangerous situation to be in luckily her father was able to wipe crew's memories and able to play it off as a light paneling exploding leading for the set to be closed off for a while. After a couple of months with no other options left her parents head to the Xavier school in order to seek out advice about what to do about the situation, they were skilled in magic not mutations, so they were honestly kind of stumped.
Now it was quite the surprise for the team to see a superstar standing in their living room, and coming to join their school.Now her parents weren't exactly playing on sending her they're just yet, they had some hesitations, not for them being mutants, but the family being magical and it being kept secret was also a liability, and the dangers of her daughter being totally outed was hanging in the air. So they made a deal, Shantel could come to the school and train her powers only if they did it in secret. Their family was pretty respected in the world and weren't willing to ruin their reputations over this, even though they love their daughter very much. So she moved to New York to train and do secret missions on the side while getting to keep her superstar life for a while, it wasn't until after some time of being an X-Men her superhero had been uncovered and was shunned out of the superstar life.
Hobbies and interest
Music: I mean come on y’all she was one of the biggest singers of her generation before she got exposed for being mutant. She is a bit of an audiophile as well, she was on the track to producing her own music but then her career got sidetracked.
Acting: Being a performer was something she was always passionate about since she was little. She loved going with her parents to the country club to perform, hell honestly wherever there was a stage, she was there to light it up.
Horseback Riding; Her mother used to take her out whenever she could to go horseback riding. The wind blowing in her hair in the cool spring breezes was enough to bring Shantel to a state of calm.
Swimming; Shantel really never likes swimming in pools, there's something about swimming about floating in a lake or a swamp that feels so much more natural to her. The Warrick family lived on the lake and all of the cousins could regularly be seen playing and roughhousing out on the water,
Powers:
Stardust Manipulation: As a mutant Shantel has the ability to create, shape, and manipulate and generate stardust, mineral grains and particles of cosmic substances originating from or embody remnants of dead stars , nebula , and meteorites. She can use stardust to attack of various shapes or intensities, either projected, or used as part of melee attacks, ect, from huge rays that can obliterate targets.
Enhansed Senses: has extreme accurate senses, allowing her to see, hear, smell, taste and feel like other feral mutants.
Magical abilities
Voodoo: For Shantel magic is a birthright, and being a Warrick means having great power. Voodoo mysticism is utilized in various practices of mixing white magic and black that involve rituals, prayer, sacrifice, herbalism and communing with Iwas and Loas to achieve various effects. The Warrick family had been Voodoo practitioners since the mid 1800s, and the knowledge over the years they had collected was extraordinary, with its own collection of hidden musical knowledge.
Psionics
Divination; She can read the future, present, and past or provide help to a problem by using occultic practices, Or whether it be using divination to communicate with the supernatural, and consoling in matters of love, health, fortune, guidance,and clarity. Mostly using chicken bones and tarot cards for more practical means, but her astral sight can also be applied to being able to see as well, astral sight might not give the most accurate or clear readings.
Astral projection: Shantel is able to project the consciousness of herself and others out of the body and into the spirit realm. She can pull things out of the astral realm into physical reality. And even cloak, shield, locate, imprison, or destroy any individuals and/ or objects whilst on the astral plane. Using her door ability, she can even pull out anything in the astral realm, whether or not what she pulls out has a corporeal or incorporeal state.
Telepathy: Though she tends not to use it for her own personal reasons, Shantel on many occasions uses her telepathy for tactical and medicinal purposes. Shantel is not malicious with her metal abilities, she is a shielder and a protector, despite her more feral nature, she doesn’t have the heart to manipulate or mind control. It's why her psionic shields are the most extraordinary of anyone in her family, or known telepath, she can even have her shields up while asleep or unconscious. She has even been known to have used her healing magic and telepathy simultaneously in order to heal mental and psychological trauma.
Psionic shield; Shantel has impenetrable psionic shields, she is resistant to any and all mental intrusion including psychic or empathic powers, hypnosis, hallucinations, deception, mind control, and telepathy, thought she can turn this on and off at will and allow anyone to enter and exit her mind as she pleases. As a child her mother and grandmother put her through ruthless mental training, The Warrick family is known for their telepathic immunity, it explains why in the early years Charles Xavier was not able to locate Shantel using his cerebro.
Telekinesis: She has the ability to move and manipulate objects with the energy he wields, though she is not the best at doing this with her mind, most of the energy she uses to channel her telekinesis come from her hands, hell even her legs if she feels like it. Her legs are actually better at channeling her telekinesis than her hands because the muscles in her legs are the ones she uses the most for combat, they are very strong and most force sensitive.
Portal Creation; Shantel has only ever been able to open portals to magical realms, which in most cases has led her to trouble. Most portals are mostly just doors, which are always different and specifically tailored to whichever realm she chooses to inhabit; doors can appear floating in the air, tilted, or even pre-existing doors and still be usable as passageways. She can even open doors to places you should not be able to get into, anywhere from realms that are closed off to realms that no longer exist or ones that have yet to exist, she can even pull or put any items or persons that exist in these spaces as well, as long as it is a magical realm she can access it. At first know one really knew why Shantel could do this, she developed this power at a young age and no one knew where this powerful magic was coming from, but it wasn’t until she was older she found out what she was. She is a Gate, not a gatekeeper, just a gate or doorway to magic, she can tap in and channel other realms, it's the reason she can see literally everything. Other people, if powerful enough can even pull things out of her, as a child whilst stuck under an entrapment spell by Marie Laveau, she was able to reach into her chest and pull out the Golden Arrow of Eros, able to use it for her witchery.
Transmutation: She has lower levels of transmutation, like being able to change her clothes in an instant/ into her superhero suit. Using her lasso she can extend it past its usual length and even infinitely, by using her stardust.
Astral sight; Can see overlapping dimensions and planes of existence and the unseen creatures, spirits and psychic phenomena (auras, souls, energies, emotions, thoughts, memories,ect.) inhabiting them, but not into other realities that do not directly overlap their own. Through divination and doorway magic, she can see things that have yet to exist or that existed in the past.
Hellfire Manipulation: Shantel was bestowed with the ability to manipulate the flames of “Hell”, by “Satan” who wasn’t actually the devil but actually Mephisto in disguise. As a child Shantel and two of her cousins, Lance and Dennis Warrick, wound up in “Hell” due to Shantel wanting to control her portal abilities, and they ended up somewhere they shouldn't have. Mephisto, wanting to claim they're souls, takes the two cousins, intraping them in hellfire with only Shantel escaping, so in order to rescue them Shantel strikes up a deal with him in order to save them. In order to play “the devils game” she needed to be magically imbued with hellfire, and after miraculously won and had saved her cousins she ended up keeping the hellfire, her fire various shades of purple and blue,
Healing: She can heal others or herself, while her healing is instantaneous it can take some time, but nonetheless it is sound, she has saved her teammates on numerous occasions. Though there is one person she is magically connected to, well used to and it was Scott. Scott used to have terrible migraines and had linked herself to him so she would have to always be able to help him whenever. It went until she found the source of the problem and figured out a way to make them stop happening permanently. While she wasn't able to completely heal his brain damage she was able to at least stop him from having migraines
Necromancy: Shantel is mostly able to communicate with the dead, she can reanimate and control them in some instances. For divination purposes, she mostly uses it to discover knowledge or foresee events. She doesn’t exactly know how to resurrect using voodoo, that's not really her specialty, but she can resurrect and summon souls temporarily from Hell using Hellfire. Using portals she can summon souls from anywhere on the astral plane or another realm, but that doesn’t mean she can control what she summons.
Siren song: Through her natural singing, she can enchant her voice to hypnosis an individual. She has been able to use it for undercover missions, especially when the public didn't know she was a mutant. She even has the ability to put people to sleep by singing someone a lullaby.
Paraphernalia
Vibranium Revolvers: Shantel was gifted a set of vibranium revolvers by the king of Wakanda after Shantel saved the young princess Shuri at the time, while they were visiting the USA. Since regular pistols cannot contain the blast of her stardust without braking, a special set was made just for her.
Orion's Belt ; Her stardust lasso is woven from her actual stardust particles itself and the meatal of Uru. One speck of stardust is tiny and invisible to the eye, but through magic. After one to many of her lassos breaking she needed a new one, she searched many weeks for someone who could make something, one that would contain her magic, so she decided to use her portal ability to let her take her to a place where someone could make her a weapon. She let her powers take her randomly, any place was a good place as long as she got what she wanted, and she ended up in Nidavellir, the Darven realm. After many negotiations with the dwarves, she would be allowed to have a weapon forged for her unless she did them a task, if she was able to find and rescue one of there dwarves who had gone missing. Shantel was able to find him in a couple of hours by opening a portal to him, near death and trapped in Hel.
Bag of Bones: It is a small hand held pouch, filled with rune inscribed bones, that are used for divination. By scattering them one can gain wisdom and insight to form a more clear view of the issues presented. This method is easy, rather than using astral sight because the intention of certain events is not always the most fortelling.
Tarot cards: A deck of tarot cards used to foresee the events of an individual rather than the whole picture. Scott and Shantel love to sit together and read the cards to see how the plays on the battlefield will potentially play out and alter the strategies
Silvermist: A magical ice horse Shantel tamed in her youth, the Horse of the Silver Mist was a water spirit which Shantel spent many days down by the river the spirit occupied, after her battle with it she was able to form a companionship and now they go wherever they are needed, which can also be used for combat.
Horseshoe hat; She is never seen without her lucky cowboy hat, it's mostly normal, other than the golden horseshoes on the front of it, which she can use for combat purposes, she can take it off the front and throw it like a boomerang.
Familiars: It's not typical for a witch to have multiple familiars, but if there is a will there's a way. Shantel’s familiar help her do daily tasks, mostly simple errands and providing counsel in magical spells. But they are mostly trained in protection, as their weather be it for herself, family, or the institute, they know how to throw down. They can be seen patrolling the grounds of the mansion and watching over the students. Scott likes having them in the danger room so they can train or whatever even though they don’t need it. It's rare but they have been on a couple of missions. Shantel has three chicken familiars, Foghorn, Angelus, and Lottie, Foghorn was supposed to be her only familiar, but she ended up finding two different witch familiars after they had been lost due to a another magical bet, man how does she keep getting herself in these situations.
#xmen oc#x-men 97 oc#X-Men 97 OC: Shantel Warrick#Marvel#my oc#oc introduction#x men 97 oc#x-men x oc#xmen x oc
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WIP Wednesday
from the untitled Jordan and Darcey thing I'm writing! (Lee is Jordan's therapist)
The basketball in his hands, though, is a familiar, comforting weight. He hasn’t played basketball since high school, either, so he’s probably terrible at it now. He bounces it experimentally a couple of times while Darcey teaches Ally and Su-Hyun how to stretch out before exercise. Su-Hyun’s long hair is pulled back in a ponytail. Ally just got a pixie cut. It’s not like they’re playing a real game. There are no teams or winners or losers. They’re just throwing a ball and running around. The smell of the leather, the surface under his fingers, it reminds him of his time alone on the basketball court after school, where, on nice days, he’d sometimes just hang out and shoot hoops for a while before he finally had to go home. He’s not so sure if he likes being reminded of those times. The bullying, his teachers turning a blind eye, the abuse from his parents, his grandmother disowning him. He didn’t have any friends. He bounces the ball one more time and takes a deep breath. The squeaking of shoes on the other end of the basketball court echoes through the building. Maybe it’s time to rewrite some memories. Lee suggests it, sometimes—that he take something that hurt him in the past and try to find a way to override it with a new, happy memory.
Current taglist: @abalonetea @only-book-lovers-left-alive @poore-choice-of-words @leadhelmetcosmonaut @jasperygrace @drippingmoon @athenswrites @magic-is-something-we-create @idreamonpaper @winterandwords @thelaughingstag @revenantlore
#my writing#writeblr#wip wednesday#amwriting#excerpt#wip#jordan delgado#darcey walker#two heartbeats on one page#holding our hearts in our hands
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vi’s done a lot of public speaking in his time.
he’s had three tedx talks!
what i learned on seneca street: this was basically what he learned in the mental hospital, how he coped during his month there, the trips to rehab he had soon after, and how painful it was to deal with everything. also, it was an experience for him to learn about how ill-equipped america is for mental health. he was about twenty at time when he went to the mental hospital for his stay and he recounts everything from that time. there’s also some lighthearted stories about friends he made there. esp about a woman with schizoaffective disorder named io that he’s still in contact with. :)
when words are not enough: this is basically about selective mutism among children. a lot of personal details about his life and also what he’s picked up in his adulthood from children he’s tended to in his time as an art therapist. a lot of advocating for patience and kindness towards nonverbal people, especially younger.
make a mess and feel it out: his big grandstanding about art therapy, the benefits of it all, and the demographics that it can reach. virote is an art therapist. art therapy isn’t taken too seriously. he wants to change that. this was him throwing in his hat and talking about how it really does help. this one is less about himself and more about his actual research and time in the field. and what made him want to pursue it all.
now to his nervousness
yes he’s always nervous when he has to do some sort of speaking gig. he’s been on radio too! virote was a nonverbal child. he used to just kind of scream and grunt and cry and make other noises to get his point across. but he’s managed to overcome that by a lot of miracles. lots of ‘em. but his need to get his message out always overrides his nerves. and after? he just feels like he needs to lay down and have a nap… you know when you get a job well done and u just wanna sleep? basically…. he’s relieved, accomplished, and tired.
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