#thenerdlett

[asteria-argo]

You mentioned is one of your WIP posts about how the Richmond coaches share repairability of the players, I would love to hear your thoughts on who belongs to who?

Not only do I have thoughts, I have a whole chart.

The way this works in my mind is that it's a combination of how helpful the coach actually is when the player has a problem, how likely to player is to go to the coach for help and how well they get along just as people.

We'll start with Roy. Roy's only got a couple of players that are really his problem, for a couple reasons. One, Roy is scary and unapproachable but also two, Roy became a coach after most of the players had already cemented themselves as either Ted or Beards problems. That leaves Roy with Isaac and Jamie.

Jamie as Roy's problem is self explanatory. Ted fumbles the bag with Jamie every time he tries, and Beard kind of freaks Jamie out, so he doesn't usually go to him for help. We all agree Jamie is Roy's problem.

Isaac is also Roy's problem. This has canon basis, I can cite my sources but for convenience sake I'll paraphrase my reasoning and that is that Roy was a lot more instrumental to Isaacs development than any of the other coaches. Roy is the one who chose Isaac as the next captain, it was Roy who helped Isaac through his slump in season two before Roy had even come back to be a coach, and it was Roy who spoke to Isaac after he went after that fan in the stands. Isaac is Roy's problem.

Next we'll talk about Beard. Beard in canon doesn't have a lot of one on one interaction with any of the players, so I'm going mostly on vibes for the players that are his problem.

That's why Bumbercatch is mainly Beards problem. I think their weird girl energies line up pretty well, and when Bumbercatch is doing weird things Ted doesn't know how to handle, Beard is usually able to step in. Jan Maas is also mostly Beards problem, because Jan Maas appreciates Beards direct but minimal approach to coaching.

Colin is also a good balance of Ted's problem and Beard's problem with a slight lean towards being Beards problem. Not because Colin actually goes to Beard for help that often, more because Beard decided Colin was his problem and keeps an eye on him when he can. I was actually tempted to make a little circle that included Trent and put Colin there, because that is who Colin actually goes too for help more often than not, but in terms of The Coaches, Colin is usually Beards problem.

Zoreaux and Richard were tricky for me, because they don't do a lot in canon so I think they both fall under the general umbrella of being Ted's problem because he's the manager more often than not, but I think Beard is pretty involved with the goal keepers so Zoreaux is his problem sometimes.

As for Ted, he will usually take point in issues regarding Dani or Sam. As the manager, everyone on the team is under the blanket umbrella of being his problem, but Sam and Dani will usually seek Ted specifically out for help with things on the occasions they need it and Ted is always be happy to help them to the best of his ability.

As for all the background himbos, they fall solidly in the center thanks to the fact that because they have at best vague personalities and I don't even know most of their names, so they're usually the problem of whoever is closest to them at the time.

I hope you enjoyed this because I spend So Much Time thinking about it.

[jackieisboring]

🎁

My nerdlett! You get one of my weird refrigerator magnet stories. 

🎁 Random Picture Ask

[hetalianordicheadcanons]

Angsty Teenage Iceland playlist requested by @thenerdlett 

Listen here

~ Mod Selkie

[asteria-argo]

I would love to hear more about "Accidentally Teenage Acquisition"! Who did they steal?

Accidental Teenager Acquisition

is another request I'm working on! Basically it's "what if Jamie was a teen prodigy in his first season at Richmond instead of an established player" which was an AU @sighonaraa and I had yelled at each other about before that this request just so happened to line up really well with! It's basically Roy fighting a losing battle against dad instincts

and Also a lot about Roy going Through It because he was also a teen prodigy and he's having a lot of feelings about seeing himself in Jamie and how much that makes him question the way he grew up because Jamie looks like a baby and if Jamie is a baby then so was Roy and what does that all mean for him now as an adult.

[asteria-argo]

If you are up for a request, maybe the Richmond babies (Sam, dani and Jamie) having like a sleepover and Roy having to be their designated adult? No pressure and only if it sparks your interest!

Congratulations you are the first ever request I've taken! This one absolutely did spark interest so here you go! I've also posted it on ao3 so if you'd like to read it there, here's a link

“Please.”

“No.”

“Please.”

“No.”

“Please.”

“Jamie, I swear to fucking god-”

“It’s just one night!” Jamie pleads, leaning over the kitchen counter and doing his best impression of a kicked puppy. “it’s Dani and Sam! You like Dani and Sam!”

“not enough to have them in my fucking house.” Roy retorts, not looking up from chopping the vegetables. They’d been going back and forth about this for almost twenty minutes, and it said something about Jamie that he was willing to keep pushing his luck when Roy had a knife in his hands. “why can’t you go to their places for your stupid sleepover?”

“Dani’s girlfriends are doing some girls weekend shit with their friends and Sam’s place is getting redone.” Jamie recites, like he’d had these facts on the tip of his tongue for just as long as he’d been saying please over and over again just to get on Roy’s nerves, the prick. “he’s got a big hole in his back wall.”

“You have your own fucking house.” Roy says, and knows it doesn’t mean a fucking thing because Jamie’s house is basically abandoned by the twat in favour of Roy’s place, but it’s worth a shot if only so Roy doesn’t have to host a fucking sleepover.

“I don’t like sleeping there, I like sleeping here.” Jamie mutters petulantly, trying to steal a piece of the carrot Roy was chopping. Roy smacked his hand away, and Jamie pouted at him. Tough shit to him, Roy needed the carrots for the fucking roast he’s trying to make. “Please Roy? I’ve never had one before, and Dani’s really excited about it. You don’t want to make Dani sad, do you? that’d be like kicking a puppy!”

Roy used to be feared. Everyone used to know to leave him the fuck alone, they used to get out of his way when they saw him coming down the halls. He used to get peace and fucking quiet whenever he wanted it. Now he’s got Jamie fucking Tartt hanging around like a limpet, stealing his fucking vegetables and inviting his friends for a fucking sleep over like he owns the place, and the most infuriatingly part of it all was that Roy isn’t even that mad about it.

“please?” Jamie tried again, bouncing on the balls of his feet and fucking hell he was never going to let it go, was he? “please, please please-”

“fucking fine!” Roy snapped, and shit he’d gotten fucking soft. He blamed fucking Ted, making Roy care about the fucking team. He blamed fucking Jamie too, for being annoyingly easy to care about even when he was being the world’s biggest twat. “You can have your stupid fucking sleep over here. But I don’t want anything to fucking do with it.”

________________________________________________________

Jamie was so excited; it was almost fucking endearing. He’d been running around the house like a chicken with its head cut off all morning, raiding Roy’s cupboards for blankets or linen or extra pillows to pile into the living room on top of the air mattress Roy had dug out of the attic for him when the muppet had been stressing about not having anywhere for Sam and Dani to sleep.

“what do people even do at sleep overs?” Jamie asked, while he was fucking with the blanket arrangement for the fifteenth time, waiting for Sam and Dani to arrive. Roy had told him it was fine, but Jamie needed something to do with his hands or he’d go out of his mind, so Roy didn’t say much else. “is it like in movies?”

“How the fuck should I know?” Roy replied. Despite his best efforts to be left out of it, Jamie had roped him into helping him set up anyway, if only by being fucking hopeless. Roy had taken over getting snacks ready, after he’d found Jamie googling appropriate snacks for a sleep over at the kitchen counter when he was trying to make his list for the store. “I haven’t been to a sleep over since I was fucking 13.”

“well, what did you used to do?”

“I don’t fucking know,” Roy shrugged. He did know actually, but he wasn’t telling fucking Jamie he used to play dungeons and dragons with his friends until 2am. “watched movies, played fucking board games, ate a shit ton of junk food.”

“board games?” Jamie said with a wrinkle in his nose, playful grin on his face “what are you fucking 80?”

“Do you want snacks for your fucking sleep over?” Roy asked, glaring at Jamie as the twat pursed his lips together clearly trying not to laugh. Jamie nodded; amusement bright in his eyes. “then shut the fuck up.”

Jamie didn’t even try to hide his laughter. Prick.

________________________________________________________

Sam arrived first, with a bag in hand and already in his pyjamas, just after six o’clock. Roy’s plan had been to fuck off upstairs once the others arrived, but Sam had asked him a question about fucking contractors before he’d had the chance to go for the stairs, because everyone on the team always assumed Roy knew whatever adult shit they didn’t understand and Sam seemed about as lost about what a contractor actually did as Jamie had been about what snacks to get for their fucking sleep over.

So Roy had sat down to explain it to him properly while Jamie fucked off to shower and get into his own pyjamas, and then by the time Roy had finished walking Sam through what was actually being done to his house and Jamie returned in a pair of Roy’s fucking pyjamas pants instead of his own because he’s a fucking thief, Dani had arrived at half past six.

“Hola coach Kent!” Dani greeted, bounding into the kitchen with Jamie running along behind him, the pair of them beaming at Roy excitedly. He had a stuffed bear in one arm and was holding onto Jamie’s with the other “thank you for having us!”

“I’m not.” Roy responds, and decides he needs a fucking coffee. He’d have a drink, but that felt irresponsible for some reason, with the team babies all under his roof at once. It’d be like drinking when Phoebe and her friends were around. “it’s Jamie’s fucking sleep over. I’ve got nothing to do with it.”

“Still, it is nice of you to let us stay in your house.” Sam said with a small, grateful smile, and fuck Sam and Dani’s parents for making them polite members of society. Why couldn’t they be feral brats like Jamie? he never thanked Roy for having him over. He just stole Roy’s fucking clothes and complained that there weren’t any chocolate biscuits in the cupboard even though Roy told him if he fucking wanted something to put it on the grocery list and the twat never did. “It is very kind.”

Roy is saved from having to come up with some kind of response to that by Jamie, proving his exact point.

“Oi Roy, can we have pizza?” he asked, letting go of Dani’s hand to rifle through Roy’s kitchen drawers. Specifically, the junk drawer, where Jamie knows Roy keeps all of the various take-out menus he’s collected over the years. Some of the menus in there don’t even have restaurants anymore, and Roy really needs to clean it out.

“No, you can’t have fucking pizza.” Roy groused immediately, glad for the distraction from having to come up with some kind of response to Sam calling him kind. Roy had been called many things before in his life, but never kind. “you’ve all got a fucking meal plan to follow.”

“c’mon Roy!” Jamie whined, like the fucking child he was. Sam and Dani had perked up at the mention of pizza too, though Roy was doing his best to ignore that. “We get cheat days!”

Dani peered down at the plethora of menus Jamie had pulled out, resting his chin on Jamie’s shoulder as he scanned them with bright, excited eyes, bouncing on the balls of his feet “Will we get garlic bread with our pizza?”

“yeah mate,” Jamie said “look, they’ve got a deal. three pizzas, two sides and a bottle of soft drink.”

Roy could only imagine what Dani would be like, hopped up on sugar and greasy fast food. He already knew what Jamie was like, and Jamie was a fucking menace. Dani could only be worse. They’d be running around the house like lunatics, and then they’d drag Sam into their fucking nonsense and Roy would be running after all three of them.

“I do not have soft drinks very often,” Sam murmurs, standing from the table to join Dani and Jamie’s huddle around the take away menu. “my dad would not let me when I was young, he said it would rot my teeth, and now I just don’t think about”

“No one said you could have fucking pizza.” Roy said, drawing not one, not even fucking two but three pairs of pleading fucking gazes directly to him. That was a dirty trick, all three of them looking at him like kicked puppies. How was he even supposed to react to that?

“Please coach?” Dani asked, and he’d clearly gone to the same school of puppy dog eyes as fucking Jamie and Phoebe the way he was looking at Roy. “we will order one with lots of vegetables on it!”

“It is a sleep over,” Sam reasoned, looking at Roy imploringly. Maybe Jamie had a fucking point, all those times he’d been crowing about Sam being just as much of a menace as he was and just being better at hiding it. “sleepovers are a chance to do things you would not normally do for fun. Like eat pizza and have soft drink.”

“and stay up late,” Jamie adds, bobbing his head along in an enthusiastic nod. Roy rolled his eyes, all three of them grinning at him innocently. Jamie was holding the menu out in front of him now, waving it around in a bid to get Roy to take it. “please? it’s just some pizza Roy.”

God fucking help him, Roy had never been a such a sucker when it was Phoebe begging him for sweets or junk food. Though, Phoebe had never corralled her fuck muppet friends into pouting at Roy to add to the effect of it all. She wasn’t a fucking pest like that.

“fucking fine, but you’re not eating pizza on my fucking couch.” Roy said, snatching the menu off of Jamie and resigning himself to his fate.

“We’ll sit at the table.” Jamie promised, the bright, smarmy fucking smile on his face that he always had when he got his way. Roy pretended not to see him turn around and fucking fist bump Dani and Sam.

________________________________________________________

After the pizza arrived, and was consumed at a frankly fucking alarming speed, the boys fucked off into the living room and Roy set about cleaning up the kitchen, half listening to what the trio were doing but mostly focused on clearing away the greasy pizza boxes and wiping down the table. Jamie had said that he’d do it, Sam and Jamie nodding along with various assurances that they could clean up after themselves, but Roy didn’t care that much about having to clean.

He liked cleaning, it was simple and methodical busy work, something to do with his hands when he didn’t know how else to be productive. The kitchen wasn’t even that messy, and the boys had come over for a sleep over, not to play house keeper for Roy, so he’d told them to fuck off and watch a movie or something. It had taken some pointed glaring, but they’d done as they were told.

Truthfully, Roy had finished cleaning the mess from dinner rather quickly. He could’ve gone back upstairs and finally gotten the peace and quiet he’d been planning on having in the first place, but he was content, he supposed was the word, the find busy work to do in the kitchen and keep an ear out on the twats in the living room. He didn’t actually know what they were doing, but they were being fucking loud about it.

He wasn’t planning to interrupt them. He’d learnt over the years through babysitting Phoebe and her gaggle of fuck muppet friends that sometimes kids were just fucking loud, it didn’t always mean something was wrong when they were screaming. Then of course Jamie and Dani had started yelling at each other, and Roy didn’t have much of choice but to intervene.

“You are cheating Jamie Tartt!” Dani accused, pointing a finger at Jamie with a fierce��not really a glare, Roy refused to call Dani giving Jamie a dirty look over what looked to be a game of fucking guess who a glare. It was more of a pout.

“I’m not cheating!” Jamie defended, laughing at Dani while Sam spectated with a fond look as his eyes darted back and forth between the two of them. “you can’t cheat at guess who!”

“You have found a way!” Dani shouted and fucking Christ, Roy could not believe these were the professional fucking footballers that played for one of the top teams in the premiere league. “You have betrayed our friendship!”

“have you considered that maybe you just suck at this?” Jamie asked, laughing right in Dani’s face, only for Dani to launch a pillow at his head. “Hey!”

Sam, who up until that point had been doing a fairly good job of keeping his composure, broke down into his own fit of giggles, at Jamie whose hair was now sticking up at an odd angle thanks to the pillow.

“The fuck are you laughing at?” he asked, turning to give same a playful glare.

“You.” Sam answered simply, earning an indignant scoff.

“I’ll give you something the fucking laugh at,” Jamie muttered, before picking up the pillow Dani had thrown at him and smacking Sam with it. After that, it was an all-out fucking brawl. The pillows that Jamie had spent a solid hour meticulously fluffing up and adjusting going flying as the three of them start attacking each other.

it’s infuriatingly fucking endearing, listening to Jamie, Sam and Dani shrieking with laughter as they try and bash each other over the head with Roy’s spare pillows, making a mess of his fucking living room without a care in the world. The guess who boards going flying during the scuffle, landing on the floor with a clatter. Roy considers just letting them run until they drop, but then a poorly placed elbow almost sends one of Roy’s side lamps crashing to the floor and he is not in the mood to be cleaning up broken glass today.

“Oi, cut it out!” He called in warning the boys all freezing in place. Jamie was mid swing about to get Sam over the back of the head, Dani half hanging off the edge of the couch where Sam was trying to shove him the whole way off to gain the advantage of higher ground. “settle the fuck down before you destroy my living room.”

“Sorry Roy,” Jamie said with an unashamed grin, not sounding the least bit sorry, dropping the pillow back onto the mattress he was kneeling on. At least Sam and Dani had the decency to look sheepish as they too muttered “Sorry Roy,” “sorry coach.”

Roy rolled his eyes. Fucking children.

________________________________________________________

Roy went upstairs, after he was promised they’d be on their best behaviour and not break any of his fucking furniture if he left them unsupervised. If it were just Dani and Jamie, he probably wouldn’t have believed it, but Sam he could trust to keep the other two from totally destroying his house. Probably.

It was quieter upstairs. Not silent, though it never fucking was with Jamie in the house. They were watching movie’s downstairs, as far as Roy could tell. He heard the opening theme to UP, followed quickly by Dani crying and Jamie reassuring him that the rest of the movie would be fun. he was fairly certain they watched an action movie after that, the standard array of gun fire and explosion noises filtering up the stairs. Roy read his book in peace, keeping the door to his room open just in case.

Eventually, it got late enough Roy probably needed to go back downstairs and lock up for the night, maybe even grouse the boys into settling down and turning the tv off so they at least got a little bit of sleep, though he doubted they’d stop nattering at each other long enough for that to actually happen.

When he got downstairs, he was expecting to find them all still up and about, throwing popcorn at each other and being the nuisances they were. It wasn’t long past midnight, and Jamie had been absolutely adamant that they’d be staying up as late as possible. Instead, he found them all piled in the air mattress, blankets and pillows strewn about in a messy, makeshift fort, fast a fucking sleep with the tv still on, the end credits to castle in the sky rolling across the screen.

Dani was in the middle, sprawled out like a starfish, his stuffed bear tucked up in the space between him and Sam. Jamie, the fucking muppet, had shifted about in his sleep so half his body was hanging off the mattress, a loose hand keeping hold if his sharks’ tail and his head resting on Dani’s outstretched arm. Sam was curled inwards, one hand curled into fur on Dani’s bear and his face tucked into Dani’s shoulder.

“fucking hell,” Roy grumbled quietly, taking in the scene. They had a blanket, though it was bunched up at their feet and it certainly wasn’t doing Jamie, who was barely on the fucking bed, any good.

He moved through the living room quietly, careful not to disturb the sleeping pile in the middle of the room. He closes the blinds and makes sure the doors are all locked, before making his way over to the mass of blankets and pillows taking up the space where his coffee table was supposed to be.

Luckily, Jamie slept like the fucking dead most of the time, so moving him back onto the mattress wasn’t much of a task. He whined softly, when Roy moving him back onto the mattress meant he lost his grip on the shark, but it didn’t wake him and the whining stopped as soon as Roy pressed the shark back into his hands.

Roy’s next order of business was actually covering the fucking muppets with the blanket that was pooled at the end of the mattress. Also a relatively easy task, though it took some careful finagling to untangle it from their legs without disturbing them. Once they were all situated, it was just a matter of switching the tv off and turning the last of the lights off.

By the time Roy was back in his own room and getting himself ready for bed, it was half past twelve. It wasn’t over yet of course. There’d be another round of it in the morning, when they all inevitably woke up and wanted fucking breakfast. Jamie would no doubt come running up to Roy as soon as he was awake to demand pancakes or omelettes or whatever the fuck else, he deemed to be an appropriate breakfast for sleepovers, and Roy would probably make it for them because he’d gone fucking soft at some point, and was annoying susceptible to the combined forces of Dani, Sam and Jamie asking him for something.

Roy scoffed at himself as he flicked off his own lamp and got into bed. So much for not having anything to fucking do with it.

[asteria-argo]

So I have been rereading your catalog of stories (because they are my comfort fics right now) and I LOVE the way you write Collin and Jamie's interaction 💜💜💜. Do you have any thoughts about their dynamic to share?

Ahhh thank you! this ask sent me into absolute hysterics last night I could not stop giggling long enough to properly answer it, but I have pulled myself together and I absolutely have thoughts to share.

Colin and Jamie, to me specifically, embody the classic sibling dynamic of relentlessly picking on each other. I've mentioned before that Jamie is one of the babies of the team, but it's important to the general behind the scenes lore of my fics that I think Colin also used to be one of the babies. He's not anymore, he got bumped up to being a middle kid, but he did his time as the youngest and now he gets the big kid privilege of making fun of the little kids.

Could he pick on Dani or Sam as well? probably, but it's not as fun because they never fight back the same way Jamie does. They just nod along, and thats boring. Colin and Jamie both understand that sometimes you just gotta be assholes to each other for fun. They get into play fights about stupid things that do not matter all the time. Usually they're both pretty good at not going too far and keeping it all in good fun.

Colin is also the tiniest bit protective of Jamie, which leads to moments like in Oh, The Horrors, when he covers Jamie's eyes during the gory bits of the movie. It's not a massive part of their dynamic, but there's an undercurrent there. Jamie is the same with Colin obviously, though I haven't had a chance to show off that aspect of it in any of my fics yet.

Now as for why I specifically give them this dynamic? because I can mostly, but also because I like taking the fact Jamie, Colin and Isaac were friends in season one into account in my writing. While Jamie is arguably much closer to Sam, Dani and Roy in later seasons, Colin and Isaac were still his friends at Richmond for at least a year, they've got rapport with each other that they can fall back on.

Anyway thank you for coming to my ted talk about Jamie Colin Sibling Dynamics, I have thoughts about this for literally everyone on the team if anyone is ever curious.

[asteria-argo]

🎃🍬Trick or treat 🍬🎃 (hit me with whatever brings you joy!)

I'm working on skeletons today, which I've been ignoring for like weeks so I think everyone forgot I was working on it in the first place, so for you, here is the last thing I wrote for that!

“you good bruv?” Isaac asks, brow furrowed. and it’s fair right? Jamie never comes late, and he doesn’t usually freeze in the middle of the doorway looking like he’s about to yak on the floor for no fucking reason, but the concern pisses Jamie off. Pisses him off enough it drags him away from the cheap fucking satin that was rubbing his skin raw in his memories and back into the present, where the only thing touching him is his own hoodie and everyone is still fucking looking at him.

[asteria-argo]

🌹 (do you have any serotonin to share?)

I do have some serotonin to share! Another snippet from the next Jamie vs Bedtime chapter, in which several things are happening at once, but mostly Roy is doing his best to look after Jamie

There was something else there though. A slumped slant to his shoulders, a couple of stuttered steps here and there, a jittery hand fucking with the stupid slit in his eyebrow whenever he had a moment to spare. Jamie was tired. It surprised Roy just as much as it didn’t. He’d gotten Jamie used to going to bed early, even if he’d had a bit of a lie in that morning, it was bound to throw him off when he had such a late night. No one else could tell, but Roy had gotten used to all of Jamie’s little tics and habits. He was easy to read, once you knew how too.

[asteria-argo]

🌹 - for my favorite fanfiction author

apologies for all the oc content rn but the thing is I love them

“You know you could always just apologise to him.” Kareem offers, poking Jamie’s arm to get him to look up. Kareem is looking at him, brow knitted together in thought and big brown eyes boring into his soul the way that they did sometimes when he was about to say something extremely obvious that Jamie and Skye never even thought of because being raised in a stable, loving household gave you fucking super powers or something. “what?” Jamie asks, a bit stupidly. “well, you clearly feel bad about how you treated him.” Kareem shrugs, like it’s the simplest thing in the world, and honestly maybe it was. “just say your sorry, at least then he’ll know you aren’t going to be a dick again even if he doesn’t forgive you.”

[asteria-argo]

*quiet chanting* Shark Saga, shark saga, shark saga?

yeah! currently it's just vague vibes cause I was miserable and day dreaming to make myself less miserable, but I'd like to write a fic about Jamie's ikea shark that I've mentioned in I think every single one of my jamie centric fics,

I want to write about how he got it but also the fact it is the worst kept secret in the world because no one acknowledges it but everyone knows he has it. It'll be a very fluffy fic, very no thoughts just vibes.

[asteria-argo]

Do you have any big facts (not in your upcoming fic) that you would like to share? I LOVE info dumps!

I absolutely do! Less of a bug fact and more of a arachnid fact, I really really wanted to include the ladybird spider in the bug kid bumbercatch fic.

They are one of my absolute favorite spiders. They're a kind of velvet spider and they get their name from the fact that the males of the species literally look like lady bugs. Their butts are red with black spots, and I personally think they're adorable. The females are also pretty cute, they're Very Shaped, but they are fully black rather than red and black. They live in burrows and they will sometimes decorate their webs with the bodies of their prey which I think is cool as hell!

The reason I couldn't include them in the bug kid bumbercatch fic is because they're an endangered species, and incredibly rare. They're typically only found in wildlife reserves, specifically in Dorset, so the chances of one randomly popping up in the locker room for Bumbercatch to make friends with them is pretty slim. They were actually thought to be extinct, but they were redisocovered in 1979!

[asteria-argo]

📔. ---maybe something about Jamie because I am absolutely feral for how you write him

Okay so Obviosuly I have to talk about my soft apocalypse au, which I've written a flash fic for already here if anyone is interested. But Asteria, I hear you cry, what the fuck even is a soft apocalypse?

SIMPLE, a soft apocalypse is essentially I am a big old baby who doesn't actually like apocalypse media because the inherent violence and cruelty and suffering of it all makes me feel bad inside but does enjoy post apocalypse vibes and aestheticism! So a soft apocalypse is basically the world ending through non violent means, and people coming together in the aftermath to rebuild because I believe in the indomitable human spirit and also that violence is not inherent to humanity and that is a hill I am going to die on.

also this got really long so a majority of it's gonna be under the cut.

ONTO the actual au and also specifically the Jamie of it all. In my head, the world ends due to a bunch of massive natural disasters that lead to the collapse of the world as we know it. For the first few years after this happens, there is a general sense of violence and anarchy that makes surviving difficult and scary. Ted and Beard were in england when it happened at some kind of conference for American football don't ask me the details this is a half thought out plot device. They get stranded in England because travel becomes virtually impossible. This does not stop Ted, who is trying to get back to Michelle. No Henry, because this is happening when everyone is a bit younger than their canon counter parts. What does stop Ted however, is Beard getting gravely injured in their attempts to find a way home. This is how Ted and Beard end up at Nelson Road.

Nelson Road, at the time of Ted and Beards arrival, is essentially Rebecca's fortress. She's there alone, and has been pretty much since the world ended. She tells herself it's best that way, because survival is hard enough when your only looking out for yourself, but then Ted turns up at her doorstep with his injured friend and he's the first genuinely kind person she's met in years. She lets them stay, it's supposed to be temporary, because she doesn't trust them and they still want to get home. It does not end up being temporary. That's a whole other post in itself.

So, Ted, Beard and Rebecca are now holding down the fort of Nelson Road, and unfortunately for Rebecca, now that she's got Ted's bleeding heart on her team there's no way she's getting away without picking up any more strays. And more strays does she get!

They actually find Nate first, who had been camping out in Nelson Road for just as long as Rebecca but stayed completely hidden, which is surprisingly easy to do when your in a big ass football stadium with only one other person. Ted stumbles across him and brings him into the main fold. Next is Roy and Keeley, who have been traveling together for a few years. Roy is looking for his sister, Keeley is just looking for somewhere to be, they run into Ted while they're all scavenging in the ruins of the city and he offers them a place at Nelson Road for as long as they'd like. Rebecca tries to be upset about it, but Keeley worms her way into her heart so quick and Roy ends up being a very useful asset in terms of supply scavenging. More people start appearing who need somewhere to stay, or supplies that Nelson Road has, and eventually Nelson Road has it's own small community that is thriving, helping each other survive and live.

Sam is actually the first member of the team Ted finds, and the key aspect of this au is that the team are children in the apocalypse, born and raised in the end of the world. Sam is the youngest, at about 8 years old. Ted finds him, and Sam is looking for his father who he lost while traveling. Ted takes Sam back to Nelson Road and promises to keep him safe and help him find his father. After Sam, Ted just seems to keep finding kids with nowhere else to go. Colin, Isaac, Jan Maas, Bumbercatch, everybody is eventually at Nelson Road. Ted is the one put in charge of managing the kids since he's the one who keeps finding them, and thats fine by him.

Jamie is one of the last of the team members to be found, and he's actually found by Roy. I've mentioned scavenging a couple of times now, which is pretty self explanatory. It's dangerous, both because it's a lawless land and because most buildings are extremely structurally unsound thanks to earth quakes and general corrosion. It's somewhat necessary though, for crucial supplies like medicine or clothes and such, So, usually the people who do it are the most physically fit of a group. Roy is usually the one who scavenges for Nelson Road, Keeley comes with him sometimes, Ted and Beard do as well.

Jamie, who is about 10 years old in this AU, is a scavenger for his dad. While at this point in time, most people are settled into small communities, Jamie's dad and his friends are not. They travel from place to place with the intention of trading the shit they find to communities in need of supplies for shit that they want. One day, Jamie gets trapped in a building while on a scavenge, and rather than going looking for him or even just waiting a bit longer, James Sr cuts his losses and takes off, leaving Jamie stranded in Richmond. Jamie makes the best of a bad situation, and sets up a little home base in the ruins of a coffee shop. It's not sustainable, but he's 10 years old and doesn't have a better option. One day, while on a scavenge, Roy ends up in Jamie's coffee shop and almost gets knifed by a semi feral 10 year old. Roy drags him back to Nelson Road kicking and screaming, because whats he supposed to do? leave a kid out here to die? no.

Jamie is, to put it lightly, a fucking menace. He wasn't raised in a community like most of the other kids so he's got no frame of reference for how to socialize with them, he doesn't trust any one at Nelson Road as far as he could throw them, and if not for the fact they were providing him with food and shelter, he absolutely would have run the first chance he had. Getting Jamie to stop threatening to stab people with his pocket knife is a Long and drawn out process. It takes a while, but Jamie does eventually settle in at Nelson Road, he starts to make friends and bond with the others and feel a bit more safe. It doesn't come about until they find Dani though.

One of the main rules for the kids at Nelson Road is that they aren't actually allowed to leave the stadium. Most of the kids follow that rule really well, because it is in fact dangerous and scary outside the stadium. Jamie sucks at following this rule, because his frame of reference for dangerous and/scary is extremely warped. This ends up being a good thing though, because one day when Jamie sneaks out, he finds Dani, who is injured and hiding under a half collapsed bridge. Jamie, up until that point, always had a pretty selfish view of survival thanks to that being what his dad taught him and if he had still been with his dad, he probably would have ignored Dani entirely. But he'd been at Nelson Road for a while at that point, and as dumb as he thought the people help people shit they were preaching was, Dani was basically his age, and he was hurt, and Jamie knew that they'd help him.

So, Jamie drags Dani back to Nelson Road with him, uncaring of the fact he will probably get in trouble for sneaking out again after already having been told off for it a few times at that point. They do help Dani, just like Jamie thought they would, and he still gets lectured for sneaking out, but they also tell him that he did the right thing and that they were proud of him for it, and it switches something on in his brain. Also Dani had basically imprinted on him and decided they were best friends now, so Jamie had no choice but to start hanging out with the other kids because Dani is the friendliest guy alive.

I love this au more than life itself but I'll probably never write a longfic for it. Just know I have EVEN MORE thoughts on it stored in my brain if you have any questions.

[asteria-argo]

So curious about Babies On Board 👀

Babies On Board is a request I'm currently working on from @thenerdlett for my series kindergarten tactics! I've made a couple references in that series to Jamie, Sam and Dani being the babies of the team and this fic is really going to explore that dynamic!

It's going to really get into how and why the rest of the team unanimously decided that Jamie, Sam and Dani were the babies of the team, and what that actually means, and most importantly, what the three of them think when they find out.

I haven't started actually writing it yet, it's all in the planning stages rn, but it is coming eventually! I've got a couple other requests I'd like to finish first, but it is running circles in my mind constantly.

[jackieisboring]

Purple (because I'm evil) and orange. Love ya sis!

Purple: 10 facts about my room

10. You were literally sitting in it when you sent me this. (and you probably know all these things anyway)9. I painted the walls gray because gray is frequently my favorite color.8. It’s 1 am and I’m trying to reorganize my bookshelves. Please someone make me go to bed.7. I have a mirror that is taller than me. It fit in my old bug despite what the frightened sales rep that helped me carry it to my car said. I had to drive with my head sideways and the windows open but it fit.6. There is a bookshelf on either side of my bed. There is a hierarchy to the organization and you want to be on the left bookshelf.5. I sleep with the closet doors closed. I will judge you if you sleep with yours open.4. There are glow in the dark stars on my ceiling that I did not put there. 3. I have a poster inspired by a Florence & The Machine song. 2. I can see 12 candles from where I’m sitting on the floor. 1. There are wilting blue hydrangeas on the bookshelf to the left.

Orange: 6 facts about my home town6. It’s name has been said by one Dana Katherine Scully which is the highest of accolades.5. Someone came to my third grade classroom and told us if we donated money they would put our name on a brick at this stupid monument they were building. They never did and I’m still a little bitter about it.4. At one point I believe we had the highest consumption of Dr. Pepper in the country. 3.  We used to have a river boat with giant red paddles on the front. I think the city sold it because we were broke. 2. They say there are catfish in the river bigger than a man. Most of the time I don’t believe them. 1. I have lived here far too long and I’m (hopefully) leaving soon.

[jackieisboring]

[jackieisboring]

Per my sister, the best present I got her for her sixteenth birthday was the two hours I let her stand in our kitchen and lecture me about the pre-world war one european landscape.