#then yes you are morally superior to all of us okay well then good for you couldnt be me sorry im broken

[transformers-spike]

You put Breakdown with a gutbuster in my head, and now I need. For him to use it. On me. (Aka reader)

Bonus points if it's disgustingly cute and sweet and BD gets lots of love and praise. 🥹🥺

I overdid it. Again. Thank you @drunkeninlovesailor for beta-reading this fic and smacking some sense into me when self-doubt reared its ugly head. And I will go on to say @ss-shitstorm made me adore Breakdown so much more through Breaking Bread. I look up pictures of him and cry And yes, this is a sequel to Visitors - so back to the heatverse

Knock Out always goes first. Breakdown doesn’t mind it. At least he shouldn’t. He knows he’ll have his turn with you. Everyone does.

Second or seventh place, it doesn’t matter. He should be grateful to have a chance. Just like he should be grateful he didn’t lose more than one optic. Or the feeling in his left arm. Or his honor.

Again, it doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. It’s his turn. No superior waiting at your habsuite, no humiliating dismissal (obviously, they don’t mean for it to seem humiliating – they’re his superiors after all, and he has to obey them) – only you in the midst of your heat cycle.

The “breeding room”, as you jokingly call it, is actually Knock Out’s old habsuite. Repurposed, yeah, but he’s been here enough times to recognize it. Any Con worth their ball-bearings can upgrade after reaching third class. Knock Out used to be a first class. Then he was promoted to Chief Medical Officer and skipped a rank. Breakdown is stuck in second class. Better than first. Better than being a vehicon. He should be satisfied.

You’re curled up in your oversized berth on top of the heating pad. “Hey, squishy,” he whispers, taking his usual place next to you. “Don’t tell me Knock Out tired you out.” Your answer is a snort. You stretch, flesh poking out from under your frame coverings. A common sight by now, but his cooling fans didn’t get the memo. His frame vibrates with their familiar hum.

“Like what you see handsome?” you ask and scuttle up to him, wearing that precious spark-warming smile. He returns it full force.

“What can I say? Even a one-opticced oaf can recognize true beauty.” “Careful, partner. There’s only so much I can take before jumping on your spike.” He barks a laugh. “It may come sooner than you think.” “Bring it. I’m ready to deepthroat until your system reboots. But first -” you huff as you climb into his lap, waving away the servo he’s offering. Once comfortably seated in his lap, you cheekily rub your aft against his interface panel.

“Spill the tea, sis.”

“Hmph…” He drums his digits over his thigh. “We’ve had a record break in the mines! I haven’t seen them this happy in quartexes. There was a small party at homebase, squad’s been celebrating with engex.”

“Homemade?”

“Nah – I’ve checked. I won’t let them pull that stunt again.” He winces at the memory. B15F. Poor scrapper’s been euthanized well before his time. There wasn’t much left to save. The engex melted right through his fuel tanks. Breakdown didn’t pride himself on morality anymore – none of them did. But it was the right call – even if the uncertainty is tearing through his circuitry like a horde of scraplets. Could Knock Out have fixed B15F? Or maybe it would’ve just dragged out his suffering for a chance at nothing. His conjunx had studied at a bigshot academy – Breakdown’s knowledge’s based around rushed medical training. “You okay, big guy?” He snaps out of it. “Yeah! Everything’s good.” You can’t see his reassuring smile with his massive chassis in the way. But maybe if he keeps it up he’ll really mean it.

“You sure? You’ve been doing that a lot lately.” His smile falters. If a human has noticed it… who else has? Is this why Dreadwing’s been especially tolerant of his mistakes? Scrap, Breakdown almost misses his commanding officer’s reproaches. Could he get any more pitiful for frag’s sake? Proving himself after losing an optic to fleshies is bad enough. He’s not an invalid – he won’t be demoted to janitorial duties after working his aft off to make it this far.

“Workload’s been pretty intense. Been on my mind a lot.” He adds a chuckle to convince you – but he can’t see your expression with his chassis in the way.

“Bad enough for the vehicons to get blackout drunk again?”

“Found them recharging in mine carts.”

“Just like a college frat party, huh?” He has no idea what that means. Doesn’t stop him from laughing, though. “You should’ve seen them getting out! The sight brought lubricant to my optic.” “Scrambling like turtles stuck on their backs?” Oh – those, he definitely remembers. “Better. Remember that video you sent of the cat-looking thing surrounded by fermented fruits?” “The raccoon?” “Yeah! Struggling to sit up, then falling back in again!” You snort louder. “Ah. An absolute classic. You should totally film it next time, I would kill to see it.” “Oof. I’d love to, but I’m not sure I can do that while on shift. Ask Soundwave. Nothing escapes him.” Especially any contamination of the medbay – his processor shudders at the memory. At least it wasn’t Commander Starscream. Fooling around’s been kept to Knock Out’s habsuite ever since. And outside the ship, but that’s not the Intelligence Officer’s business.

“More than you know…” you say. Your tiny digits sneakily stroke the protomatter between his hip and thigh. The touch isn’t sensual. At least he doesn’t think it’s supposed to be. You’re not shy about squeezing, biting or running your glossa over it. This feels different. Hesitant.

“You know… you rarely visit first.” He sputters. “It’s not that I don’t want to or anything!” He shifts his frame and cranes his neck to take a good look at you. No success. “It’s that… I’m still a soldier, and they’re my superiors.” “I know that, silly. I’m talking about how you always let Knock Out have the first go at me before either of your shifts start. Why is that?” “I…” He shakes his helm. “Come on, second place doesn’t make any difference. As long as I get to pay you a visit, I’m happy!” His vox is strained. He meant to sound cheerful. What came out felt like rust being scraped off mesh.

You sink your digits into his thigh. Not enough to hurt. Never enough to hurt. A single fleshie can’t hurt a Cybertronian. But it’s clearly meant as a warning. Even he can tell that.

“Dude, just ask to go first. Knock Out is lovely and all, but you shouldn’t neglect yourself for his sake. I want you to come around and let loose before anyone else. Hell, you deserve it. Do you want me to ask Megatron personally? I can do that, no prob-” “No!” It comes out too desperate. “No,” he repeats. Softer. “The others don’t do well with favorites. Uh… except maybe Soundwave, but he doesn’t count.” Breakdown cringes. He wants no part in their power struggles, especially Commander Starscream’s. Else he’d end up at the barrel of his Master’s cannon.

“Okay… but my point still stands. Ask Knock Out to reschedule next time orr I’m bringing Megatron into this.” His vents huff, servos drawn into fists.

“Got it,” he relents. “I’ll talk to him, but if he refuses-” “He won’t refuse,” you say none-too-softly. “We’ve had a chat post-coitus.” He blinks. “You cannot be serious.” “Low and behold, I am. What? Did you expect me not to address it?” “He’s going to be furious at me.” “Like hell . If he so much as lifts a digit, I’ll be happy to inform Megatron and get him put in his place. He’s your superior in the medbay, not outside of it last I checked. And trust me, I’ve been checking.” He clenches his jaw and offlines his optic. “We’re not…” he starts gently, leveling his words carefully. “We’re not Newsparks. There’s a balance we’ve established on the Nemesis. All of us. Bringing Lord Megatron into this won’t offset the balance. It’ll destroy it. What we have here,” he gestures at the small habsuite. “Is thanks to his generosity. I don’t want to lose this because of some petty interface stuff. If he intervenes… I doubt we’ll still be able to visit.” There’s a long pause. He gives you the time to mull it over. An apology already on his glossa. “I understand. I know it’s not my place to call the shots. Part of me wishes that…” You swallow. “Part of me wishes that I could make things easier for you guys. You’ve all been through so much, and I know I’m only the ship’s resident pet or whatever, but I can throw my weight around a bit. You know, use my position for good?” “For good? Primus, you’re already doing us enough good!” “Hm, not exactly. You’re the ones helping me with my heat when he’s not around. Ugh – I would be suffering without you guys.” You squeeze his thigh. “Man-” you laugh nervously. “I hope I’m not getting too sappy. You’re, like, the only one I can have these conversations with.” His fans stutter. “Really? Not even Lord-” “Not even,” you repeat with finality. There’s a comfortable silence. Breakdown is smiling to himself.

“Hey, big guy.” “Yeah, squishy?” “Wanna kiss?” “Is that even a question?” he asks as he picks you up from his lap, servos cradling your fragile human frame. “Mmm, you know the answer.” You touch the sides of his face. His cooling fans flip to the second setting. Your hands are soft. Incredibly soft. His vents cease functioning entirely as you kiss him. Your glossa is warm and wet. His circuits crackle with charge. How could something so small push his systems into overdrive? When you pull away, he’s left cold and yearning. You don’t waste a klik undressing yourself, tossing your frame coverings over his servos and onto the berth. His lips find yours again. You devour his intake like your fuel tanks are empty.

Knock Out satiated you groons ago, but you’re already running hot with want. His heavy engine purrs. “Someone’s eager to get spiked,” he mutters against your intake. You ex-vent sharply and kiss again, grinning against his lips. He slides a digit between your legs, which you immediately part. There’s still feeling in this one, taking in the heat of your slick valve. There’s no trace of your last interface, only a craving for more. A hiss escapes you as he rubs the digit over your minuscule anterior node. Your hips buck into him, teeth grazing his lip.

“Please, stop teasing already. You know I can’t take it.” “I’m not a tease - that’s Knock Out’s job.” He swipes his glossa over your intake. “I’m the total opposite. So, what do you say? Is your little valve ready to take my spike?” Your optics widen, lubricating in excitement. “Oh finally!” You press your helm against his. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this! I’m so glad the recent energon haul got you enough to mass displace.” “Actually, I’ve been rationing my energon for a deca-cycle!” You step away from his helm and look at him in… strange horror. “You what?” There’s pity in your optics and disappointment furrowing your optical ridge.

Oh frag him! Why did he have to open his intake? “It’s nothing to worry about, I swear! I’ve done this plenty of times in the past – there was this time my unit was stranded in the Sea of Rust and there was no energon for almost a whole deca-cycle! Impressive, right? You don’t see any seekers surviving that!” Your horrified expression worsens. “What do you mean you’ve been starving yourself for weeks just to mass displace and fuck me?”

“Come on, it’s not really starving! We bots can deal with it better than you humans!” he stammers, engine revving in panic. “It’s not about that – it’s about sacrificing yourself for… for this!” you gesture at your body. “Fuck’s sake, you could have told me! I was waiting for you to ask! I could have gotten you the energon ages ago!” “Then why didn’t you?” The words smash through his intake before he can stop them, leaving him to clean up the mess.

His spark tightens when you flinch. It’s the first time he’s startled you. The first time he’s seen you scared. “I… I didn’t…” Your gaze falls. “Scrap, I’m so sorry! It’s not my place to say it, I didn’t mean-” “It’s fine,” you gently stop him. He immediately yields. “You don’t have to apologize. I just… didn’t expect it to be this bad.” A sigh leaves your intake. “I still want to help, though. If Knock Out can mass displace almost every time he visits, isn’t there plenty of energon to go around? Don’t you also work in the medbay on top of everything? You deserve at least the same amount of rations.” “It’s more complicated than that,” he mutters. “Knock Out outranks me.” “So? You’re just one bot, it won’t drain the reserves.” He presses a servo to his helm. “My frame type’s the issue. Us warrior class bots need far more energon than the average vehicon.” “Yes, and? You’re still just one more war frame. Who else is there? Megatron, Dreadwing – that makes three.” You bite your lip when you meet his optic. “Let me give you a hand. I’ll leave the whole thing with Knock Out alone if you let me help with this.” “I…” His vents huff. “Okay. I’ll let you take care of it. But, please tell him not to summon me. Else it’ll seem suspicious.” A smile tugs at the corner of your intake. “Got it. Easier done than said.” Hesitating, you reach out to touch his cheekplate. He leans in. You take a deep in-vent. “I’m sorry for blowing up like that. I’ve been so worried about everyone lately, I’ve overstepped so many boundaries. The energon thing just… drove me off the edge.” “It’s okay,” he says, unsure of his own words. “It happens to the best of us. If it’s any comfort,” he grimaces, “Knock Out’s been riding my tailpipe about my energon intake for the whole deca-cycle. That’s why I… tried to keep it a secret. Until now.” “Did it work on him?”

“Frag no!” He laughs. “For all his drawbacks, he’s the closest thing to a doctor on this ship. Noticing something’s wrong’s part of his primary code!” His laughter dies down. “Sorry. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I definitely ruined the mood.” “Not at all.” You press your cheek against his. “If it’s any comfort on my part, I’ve been called someone else’s name during interface.” His optic buzzes in its socket. “Who?” he demands without meaning to. “Who?” He repeats, far softer – now a polite question. “No one in High Command, sadly,” you say like you’ve read his mind, adding an apologetic shrug. “Another human before the alien shebang happened.” “Ah.” He averts his optic to hide his disappointment. “Come on, man. You know I would have immediately rung you up if Starscream had been moaning Megatron’s name during overload.” He cracks a smile. “I guess you’re right.” “Gossip girls forever?” You offer your fist. “Gossip girls forever,” he agrees, tapping it with his digit. You both mimic an explosion and draw your servos away in slow motion. “Still not sure what explosive punches have to do with gossip.” “Shhh - it’s a human bestie thing.” You kiss him again. Gently at first, then harsher with his wordless encouragement – your hunger makes his engine rev. “Want to start with valve to glossa action? How about we keep mass-displacement for the final course?” “Like I’ll ever refuse a free refueling.” You snicker. The noise is so precious it makes his joints weak. Lying on his abdomen with you in his servos, you writhe as he presses his glossa to your valve. “Fuck,” you hiss. “You okay?” he’s unable to hide the smugness in his tone. “I thought Knock Out had the first taste.” “ Fuck , Knock Out. I need your glossa right now. No one else’s.” His fans shudder. Once, handling someone so small was circuit-frying. He’d been with plenty of minicons, but never an organic. Those bots could take a good pounding. Fleshies? Not so much.

“Fuck.” You shiver as his glossa rubs up and down your pretty valve. Your hips buck into it. He grins between your legs and licks again. And again. And again. Until he feels your servos on his crest. “I need to ride your face,” you say – more declaration than request. He blinks, grin widening. “That desperate, huh?” “Shut up,” you growl – too adorable for your own good. How he wants to squeeze and smother you against his face. Your legs are soft on either side of his cheeks, servos gripping onto his crest with impressive strength for a creature so small and frail. He holds his glossa out for you to use as you please, two digits holding your hips in case you tumble off. “How…” You pant. “How are you this good?” He shrugs with his free arm. His vents blast harder. “I’m not even doing anything,” he mumbles with his glossa out. “Of course you are. You’re being your sweet himbo self,” your words falter as you keep riding. 

His cheekplates heat up. “Uh, a what now?”

There’s no answer, only your legs shaking as you furiously grind against his intake. You grip onto his crest, your entire frame shaking. “Breakdown!” you call out, vox breaking. A sudden burst of charge travels down his interface array. His pressurized spike clanks against his panel. “Frag,” he groans. His spike’s throbbing, Ugh, it hurts like he swung it against a wall.

At least you’re oblivious to his, uh, mishap – twitching against his glossa while trying to slow your ventilation. The plating of hips shifts and his panels release his array. His valve is soaking with transfluid, steam almost emanating off of it after overheating for half a groon. The cold air makes his spike twitch. “Is it… is it time?” you ask weakly, turning around to look at his lap. “Oh hey, so that’s where the noise came from.” He cringes, but still helps you get down. You scurry towards the middle of the berth and cheer out “Show me the goods, big boy!” Mass displacement is something he’d done in the past – back on Cybertron when there was plenty of energon to go by. Now it’s just a waste. Not for you, obviously! Primus, you’re worth every last drop. His working receptors buzz with sensation. System diagnostics appear at the corner of his vision. Mass conversion: successful

Warning:

Minimum energon required: 70%

Current level: 93% His joints are calibrated, there’s no ache in his processor, subspace feels fine – everything’s in working order. He can rest easy and focus on the important stuff. “Woah.” you beam at him. It’s uncanny to see you… so much bigger than he’s used to.

The hug is sudden but not unwelcome. Your helm comes up to his chassis, but only barely. It doesn’t take long for you to pull him on top (the close view is to offline for), and drag him into a kiss. His spark pulsates like never before.

“Please, spike me,” you beg. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this.” He looks down at his spike. Then back at you. There are many things he’s learned as a nurse, one of which being: pick the smallest pair of forceps when operating on minicons. Sadly, he cannot replace his spike with a smaller one. But he can prepare you for the operation. “Hey, how about I get you started with something else before you get the hammer?” He lifts up the servo with functioning receptors and flexes his digits. “Promise you’ll rail me afterwards.” “Promise.” He grins.

He’s a denter first and all, but he’s always been careful with his servos back when brushing debris off his comrades after a busted demolition job. It felt like second nature to him. They were at the bottom of the scrapheap. Caring for others, even in small ways, made their plight bearable. His own at least. He pushes in, chuckling as you furrow your optical ridge, intake slightly agape. “Does it sting?” “No.” Another digit is carefully added. You whimper and grit your dentae. One digit and a half then. “What about now? How do you rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10?” “Oh shut up…” Your tiny valve is absolutely soaked, slick with human lubricant, struggling to accommodate him. If you’ve taken the entire High Command, you can take him. Sure, he’s been told his spike is a “weapon forged by Solus herself”, but Megatron’s definitely bigger. And you’ve fragged him. Everyone knows that. Your valve’s more durable than it seems.

You clench around his digits, expression so lovely it’s clear you’re about to overload. He cautiously curls a digit inside of you. The gentle pressure’s an easy way to make your valve calipers clam down on him. Another whimper escapes you as he rubs at the spot. Your pedes push against his thighs, a desperate plea to stop. But he knows better. “Cute,” he thinks as your sweet noises intensify. He never expected fleshies to be so adorable – but then again, you’re not like the other squishies. Lord Megatron picked the best one. “Please,” you whisper. “This is torture.” “Aw, I thought you wanted to overload.” “You and I…” You swallow. “We both know damn well you’re teasing me. I need your spike, not… not this .”

He laughs. “I keep my promises, don’t worry about it.” He pulls you flush against him, legs over his hips. Bracing himself on one servo, he’s got an arm cautiously wrapped around your waist. “Comfortable? How do you rate your position on a scale from 1 to-” “Breakdown, I swear to fu-” “Got it. It’s hammer time.” He grins. You grip onto his digits and offline your optics. He pushes in. You suck in a sharp in-vent. He pauses.

“Go on,” you say after a moment. “I can take it. I guess I didn’t expect it to be so big.” “Big?” He blinks at you. “You’re the one taking Lord Megatron. He’s larger than me.” “Not his spike.” You chuckle. He looks up at the ceiling in wonder. “Wow.” “Wow indeed. Now please put that spike to good use.” Like a good soldier and seasoned interface partner, he follows your orders. Ridge by ridge, you take him, grip tightening and dentae gritting until he reaches your limit. He shudders. You’re clenching around him like a cold press, crushing his spike harder than any minicon valve. You seem on the verge of shutting down. “You okay?” “...yeah.” “Do you want me to stop?” “Don’t you dare.” “Got it.” His smile widens.

The pace is incredibly slow. Yeah, Knock Out likes having his circuits rearranged – and yeah, most vehicons he’s been with want to get railed into oblivion. But taking his time with you feels just as good. Charge is building along his array. He wants to tell you so many things – how you’re so beautiful holding onto him like he’s the center of your universe, whimpering and repeating his name listlessly – or how he wishes this could last forever, that he can forget the war when your arms are wrapped around his frame, no matter how small.

Your optics come back online and meet his. Wordlessly, you beckon him closer. He leans down, now bracing himself on his arm. Your servos find his face. “Have I ever told you how handsome you are?” you ask, nuzzling his cheekplate. It’s not the first time you’ve done so. But at this moment, either from mass displacement or the sight of you sprawled out before him (or both), his spark throbs in his chassis. His array is pulsating with charge. He presses his forehelm against yours. “Yeah. You always do.” “Good. Because I love you.” Your lips meet his. The charge explodes. Your valve clamps down on his spike. Sparks shoot through his sensors – his engine roars. The world stands still.

Then, he breaks the silence. “By…” his vox crackles with static. He recalibrates his vocalizer. “By Alchemist Prime…” there’s still a buzz to his words. “What was that?” “You tell me,” you answer shakily. Neither of you move for a while. Diagnostics report: Energon level: 87% He pulls out of you, earning a wince. You loosen your grip on his neck and fall back. His optics widen at the load of transfluid trickling out, valve still twitching. He feels equal parts pride and wonder something so small took his spike. Should he tell you about it? You appreciate greatly when he says what’s on his processor. Not everyone does. “Good job,” he tells you, petting your helm like the human he saw congratulating its furry companion. Your expression spells confusion. Then, you grin wider than he’s ever seen and pet him back. His engine rumbles in content. “I would die for you,” you declare without a hint of sarcasm in your vox. He laughs nervously. “Please don’t, Lord Megatron would kill me.” “Then I’d kill him first.” “But you’d already be dead.” “I’d come back as a ghost.” He laughs again, twice as nervous. “Anyway, was it… good?” “You blew my back out.” “I – what ?” “You rearranged my guts.” “Wait, are you about to offline-” “Human euphemisms.” “Oh.” “It means it was the best frag of my life.” “I… oh wow.” He allows you to pull him back on top. “You’re the best I could have asked for.” His cooling fans are blasting. “Um…” “You’re my favorite blueberry popsicle.” “Uh, thanks?” “I love it when you’re blue in the face.” More energon rushes to his cheeks.

“Oh, um – you too!” Frag - that didn’t sound smooth. He hasn’t been this bad since he was newly forged. “Raspberry and blueberry,” you press your helm against his. “My favorite mix.” You kiss him again, less desperately – finally satiated for the next cycle. Or at least a few groons. “Can you cuddle in this form?” Or…do you have to turn back?” He hits his chassis with pride. “Another groon won’t hurt me – I’ll do just fine..” “Aw hell yeah!” He lies down and you quickly take your place at his side, burying your face in the crook between his neck and his chassis. You let out a hum when his digits stroke your back. He can sense the minuscule hairs on your plating. They tickle.

A klik passes by, but you can’t seem to sit still. You push his arm away, readjust yourself, then pull it back in, only to start again a nanoklik later. “Everything ok?” You make a noise of frustration – so adorable it makes his spark ache.

“Give me a sec,” you mutter.

He watches as you get up to fetch your blanket and pillows. “Uh, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I barely managed to clean up before coming over.” “Don’t matter.” You cover his side in them. “I just want to cuddle you.” He bites his glossa. You’re too sweet for your own good. Once comfortable, his servo comes back to stroke your skin. You shiver. “Are you cold? Do you want me to get the heating pad?” “No. You’re warm enough. It just… feels nice to be with you this way. I meant what I said. I do love you. Maybe not on Knock Out’s level – he’s known you before my great grandparents were even born.” He affectionately taps your helm. “I mean, yeah – but what does that have to do with us? Do you humans have a monogamous contract or something?” Your expression says it all. “Oh,” he drawls. “Uh – it doesn’t mean that you can’t be with us, it’s that-” “I’m Megatron’s first and foremost,” you say, looking away from him and straight at the wall. “I… yes. But I mean that-” “I’m together with everyone. I know that.” You turn your attention back to him. “And no, it doesn’t bother me. I simply want to give you the praise you deserve. And the energon. Man, you need that so badly.” Resting your helm atop his chassis, you flash him a warm smile. “I love you. Don’t you ever forget that.”

[echoesofadream]

FUNNY how fans r like THISLL SHUT THE SHIPPERS UP and its a mv with a girl. ohhhkay so you mean the people who ship gay couples because i know you are not talking about the people who ship rumored straight ships because if anything the mv validates that ship bc heterosexuality. and shipping that is okay it doesnt make you a an actual shipper you know the ones who should kill themselves because the problem isnt rps its that its gay and you know it. you find it offensive that there are people who believe that your beloved artist could possibly be not straight. just admit that. but to ship him with a woman is just fine and not invasive or enforcing a sexuality on them because its just straight and normal. however to ship him with another dude are all those things and youre a freak and dont respect boundaries and IS invasive

[dalliancekay]

"I think Aziraphale needs to learn a lot more than that..."

Why do people keep (telling me again and again about this quote) assuming that Neil means Aziraphale needs some moral lessons, get off his high horse, learn some hard truths about Heaven, escape their grasp, finally understand that they are bad etc etc etc.

When the ask is about how Crowley is always forgiven from Aziraphale's point of view and how what (I see) Neil means is that Azi should also be told he's good enough. That he can be loved.

That what he needs to learn is how to believe in himself. To trust his mind, his feelings, to believe he is enough, he always was, that he doesn't have to be perfect or 100% right, that it is not possible and that it's okay. That he's okay. That he was lied to.

I wish we would frame Aziraphale's journey/learning as something else, not morality/awakening of some sort. Not as something he has to overcome. When Crowley changes his mind on something, no one says, oh have a gold star, you went against what Hell wants from you. Well done! Why do we do that to Aziraphale. Crowley is seen in Hell, giving presentations on some half hearted ideas that no one there really gets and getting accolades for things he didn't do at all and everyone is like, oh yay, look at him, so clever. Hahahah. Aziraphale also has to follow rules and do his tasks whether he agrees with them or not or he will be punished. He's not doing it for fun. He breaks rules when he feels he simply must and then everyone is like oh look, he is finally abandoning the rigid thinking that Heaven showed/taught him. But really, the naïve slow angel, he should try even harder.

Why such double standards?

Aziraphale is good and wants to do good. He is not sure of himself, true, but that's hardly his fault. Crowley is also good and tries to do good or at least limit the bad things he needs to do to survive.

They are two sides of the same coin. They both learn and grow. Sometimes the treatment the Ineffables get reminds me of how differently boys and girls are treated when they are learning behaviour. Boys praised for anything and everything even remotely good they do (cos they are expected to be naughty) and girls get the oh you should have already known better treatment. Aziraphale saved Job's kids cos he thought it was a horrible thing to want to do and expected to be punished for it. That's not - he didn't, it didn't change who he is. He did it expecting Falling. That's extremely brave. Yes Crowley has Fallen and people tend to see this as some extra superior move on his behalf, like he had everything figured out, understood how bad Heaven was and tried to bravely fix it. And Aziraphale needs to catch up with him. (If not by Falling himself than by doing some extraordinary learning journey to catch up with Crowley's knowledge). No. That's all HC. We don't even know why Crowley Fell. We don't. We know what he says happened (and we also know that he's not a reliable narrator...) and that's all we know. And even the things he says are not exactly showing him as some truth waving hero only wanting to make Heaven better for everyone and failing. Aziraphale is not breaking rules cos suddenly he used his brain and saw how Heaven is bad. He already knows that. He's risking punishment to help others. Again and again. And that's very kind and admirable and everything but it's not his evolving morality. He's already moral. He's already good. He always was.

He's also fucking cute. Let's not forget.

[littlefankingdom]

As someone who is a leftist, who was raised by leftists, who calls themselves a "revolutionary", who is loud about when stuffs aren't fucking okay and people rights aren't respected, I cannot explain how much I dislike the panels of Oliver Queen calling his colleagues "nazis" or "fascists" when they don't agree on something. Like, it doesn't make me want to read his comics, because he sounds like a self-righteous whining bitch, not an actual activist that knows what he is talking about. Your colleague refusing to listen to you doesn't make him a fascist, rich white man. And I don't think anyone would want to have a discussion with someone who insults them of being Nazi when they aren't happy.

Nazi and fascist are important words with meanings, historical and scientific (history and sociology are sciences) meanings. The more you use them without respecting their meaning, the less they mean shit. And like, I have seen enough to realize USAmericans barely know the meaning of Nazi, which is not simply being a white-supremacist or a fascist. Nazism is the ideology that there's an aryan race, which fits mostly GERMAN traits, superior to everyone else, with a ton of eugenics. It isn't just antisemitism, it isn't just white-supremacy, the Nazis did not like most of white people, they destroyed historical and cultural objects from european cultures for not being "aryan". My grandparents' trauma from the occupation shows that quite well. So, Oliver Queen calling Flash "a nazi" because he disagree with how to handle a situation isn't funny or cool, it's tiring and wrong. No, your red-haired, probably doesn't know a word of german, colleague isn't a Nazi. And he isn't a neo-nazi ever, which are more open to white people without tie to German culture but still use the symbolism, because he is still not doing Nazi shit.

Again, these terms aren't insults, they have meanings. Marine Le Pen, a French politician, is a Nazi because her party was created by her father and his Nazi and SS friends, and she sees Hitler as family. I am not a Nazi for wearing all black (yes, this did happened), supporting Palestine (also happened), or telling people that not voting isn't helping at all (just last week).

I would have no issues with Oliver criticizing his colleagues being controlling and abusing their power or authority, I would love that, I'm big on criticizing abuse of power and authority, but he needs to be written doing that, not just calling them "nazi" and "fascist". That's not what they are doing. And also, if you think one of your colleagues is a fascist or a nazi and the JL is letting them in control, WTF ARE YOU STILL WORKING WITH THEM??? (That's my point that he's using these terms like insults)

I can hear y'all: "You're just mad he called Batman a fascist, because you love Batman!" And like, there's a lot to talk about on Bruce's and Batman’s morality, but at the end of the day, DC is an usamerican company. Of course fascist points are going to be encouraged, this is the USA we are talking about. They cannot write a story without it, it's taught to them since birth from the imperialism and nationalism combo. And also, a good written Batman isn't a fascist, he is literally against the death penalty or even letting criminals die, which is supported HEAVILY by fascism. Like, call him out for thinking he is always right, go for it, but that's not fascism.

[elliespuns]

https://www.tumblr.com/elliespuns/743339485174054912/how-do-you-feel-about-everyone-going-nuts-on-tlou

you summed up my thoughts perfectly! there is a lot of very juvenile virtue signalling going on right now but then again i’ve always found things like ‘black outs’ and ‘strikes’ a little silly and just.. unrealistic honestly. it’s just a way for people to flex ‘i’m better than you because i’m dedicating all my free time to the cause and you’re not’. it reminds me of the very toxic twitter era where this sort of grapple for moral superiority was rampant amongst young people trying to assert that they were in fact good and pure (a LOT of these individuals are 17,18,19 it seems). not everyone wants to be a social media activist and that’s perfectly valid. calling you a zionist on anon is way too far though, at least have the guts to put forth such a serious accusation with your name attached.

I just think that people attacking bloggers for not 'spreading' informations about the conflict are unreasonable and rude. 

Every fandom blogger has their own personal social media where they might be talking about it, which these anon attackers won't ever know, yet they keep harassing. They are basically trying to spread good by being mean to others? How ironic.

I don't feel the need to apologize for not sharing it here. If I feel I want to share something here, I will (as I did a few hours ago). People should realize I am running a fandom blog here. Those who are already following me must already be aware of how things are.

Needless to say, many of us fell in love with the game back in 2013 (part 1) and 2020 (part 2) where there was no conflict and no 'choosing sides'. So now that the creator of the same game shows his true colors, we're supposed to start hating on something we already love and find hard to unlove? A bit harsh, huh? Because unless we go and buy the products from the big corporate companies, we are harming no one. Loving something from afar has never hurt anyone. For Christ's sake, we're loving a game with fictional characters, not the people who have the guns and bombs. The game will always be there; ignoring its existence will do nothing. 

For those who would be wondering (as I understand everyone expects a big fan like me to own things related to TLOU)… yes, I own things. But I bought them a long time ago, when there was NO conflict to get upset about yet. All of these things were bought secondhand on top of everything (well, except for Part 1, which I bought completely new back at the time—again, no conflict back then). So does that mean I should just take all these things and throw them away too? The damage has already been done; someone already bought these things from the corporate companies before selling them to me secondhand. Should I just take all these things, destroy them, and throw them out the window to prove what exactly? That doing so is completely useless too because it helps literally nobody? These things might as well just keep lying on my shelf. I didn't hurt anybody by getting them back in the day.

I am tired of repeating myself over and over. Those who understand this will get me. Those who don't, won't. And that's okay. I won't apologize for talking about Palestine in my personal life and not in the feed of the silly little blog I manage.

[no-gram]

I CAUGHT UP!!!! (For Tsuguha)

Okay- thank you 74n5n for doing the Galactic Railroad Analysis. I wouldn't have caught that immediately. I also haven't read the story HOWEVER my Friend actually did an analysis on it (the film version specifically) for a different thing so I do have some vague knowledge of it. Thank you friend! So- 74n5n already talked about this but The Night of the Galactic Railroad centers around the idea of sacrifice. Campanella, Giovanna's friend, jumps off the boat in an act of self-sacrifice and dies in the process.

The fable of the Scorpion is that the Scorpion preys on various insects and bugs to sustain itself but when it was its time to be eaten by the Weasel and sustain it it runs away and falls into a well. Mourning how its life has only being taking and taking from others without actually adding anything it hopes that one day it could be reborn as a beacon of virtue so that it may serve others and then its body bursts into flames.

You opened the window with a mighty movement and took a pinch of clean sand from the bottle hanging around your neck and spread it on your palm. "All this sand is crystal. There's a little fire burning inside." And you threw it out the window. It was too beautiful. Each one was like a fire of life.

If only I had been able to give my body to you without hesitation. Please, God. Please look into my heart. Please don't give up your life so vainly, but use my body next time for the sake of everyone's happiness.

I think my read is pretty similar to 74n5n? It's interesting that Her Victim is positioning themself as someone who is guiding people to happiness and serving others like the Scorpion while Tsuguha is also mourning how she hasn't sacrificed for anyone.

"I'll be all right. I'll be waiting for you where there is true happiness." I don't know what happiness is. How can I find you? "If you are really close, if you are on the right path, up and down the mountain passes, you are not far from true happiness."

It's Possible I think that her victim sacrificed themself for Her and that's where the distress is coming from, since she says that people wouldn't consider her a murderer and this is her voiceline:

I wish that guy had died！！！！！ Damn! Damn ！！！！！ …I, I'm the one that did this…

Additionally, Tsuguha's system of Morality is pretty rigid. She's very clear with what she considers "good" and "bad" and sorts herself into the Bad. She really Values politeness and not disturbing others. She doesn't know what to say to Ai because Ai is "her superior and seems rather introspective and bothered by that:

Tsuguha: ……Yes. I really don't like to be rude to my superiors. So I'm trying to figure out in my head what to speak and I'm trying desperately to capture what the Administrator said. I only said I understand earlier, but I'm doing my best to cut conversation cards in my head.

Tsuguha: I'm glad to hear that. I'll try to prepare a script next time so that I can tell more about myself. Huh, even so. It would have been nice to be more, well, rebellious.

I like fun, but I don't like noisy. I don't like people who bother others.

She's also just...really observant and also Judgemental which I find funny:

You're a nicer person than I thought! Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean I thought you were a terrible person...

Laugh at the administrator's violent joke. Also, you might want to decide what you're going to say before you say it. She may not be a very good talker. She seems to be better at listening.

Tsuguha: …I think you will learn a lot from now on. So you will be fine. I don't think you need to worry.

Tsuguha: I think so myself. First of all, I think you adapt too much. A normal child would probably scream and cry if brought to a place like this and interrogated. But that doesn't make it any less painful, even if the conversation with the Administrator is tasteless. It's rather helpful.

Anyway...Yeah!

wow yeah!!!!!!!!!!

[jenyifer]

Mew doesn’t deserve Boston as a friend

**Talking about Mew not Book. Book has done a wonderful job with his acting deserves big hugs I can’t imagine how difficult this role was for him. **

So last week I said Boston deserves Mew as a friend and the post was mainly about how Boston has been a good friend to Mew the reverse is not true. First let me get my own headcannon’ s out of the way no I haven’t read the book or read spoilers so don’t tell me. I believe Mew and Cheum have been friends for a longer amount of time and we found out from episode 10 Cheum met Boston their first year of university that’s why Mew and Cheum’s bond seems closer than the others.

Mew and Top were not dating when Boston and Top cheated. Mew and Top are official at the end of ep4 and Mew says infront of Boston 3 times he’s not dating Top. Yes it still shitty however not Murder Blackmail someone who is your “friend”. Also hypocrisy here with Mew kissing fucking Boeing back. So mew isn’t dating top now so it’s okay? Sure Jan.

All of the friends rely on Boston and he provides what the they ask of him. Mew tells Boston to help care for Ray. We KNOW he does. Boston wakes ray up in class. He drives him home. He stays with Ray when he asks. Cheum relies on Boston to talk to her brother when he won’t talk to any one else. Mew asks Boston to find them a designer. He does. Mew asks Boston for his opinion on Top and Boston tells him that Top dumps people after 3 months which we know from Boeing that’s true.

All of that is true but Boston is just a heartless slut for Mew to feel morally superior to when the only time I have seen Mew do something for another character was Ray’s attempt on his own life. What else? Nothing. But no Boston is the heartless one.

Mew knows how special Nick is. He’s well aware Boston doesn’t sleep with the same person regularly. That’s why Mew assumes Boston and Nick are seeing eachother at the pool. Something that I think ✨inspired✨ Mew to become official with Top then have his own pool date because Mew has to be better than Boston. Despite knowing how important Nick is Mew sure is quick to remind Nick of his place just hired help. Useful tool. Don’t get any ideas that you are more than that. Mean girl energy. Mew can’t even pretend to be civil to Boston’s person. Oh maybe it’s because they weren’t dating… Humm… double standard again….

Mew immediately manipulates Nick into telling Mew about Gap by playing on Nick’s insecurity. Nick was never important to Boston by Mew’s telling. Even though we know Mew is aware this is a fucking lie. Mew and Cheum have been gossiping about BostonNick developments for a while. Mew does this just to be fucking nasty. Boston doesn’t need a friend who can’t see the value he puts on Nick as a person. Not as a tool or sex toy.

Mew steals the vid from gaps computer doesn’t delete it from the computer. Then he tried to show Boston’s dad the video (so the vid is on the laptop too) and he shows Boston the clip on his phone. Mew has the audacity to think outing Boston and getting him sent to America would be proper punishment? Mew was going to do it. Murder his friend’s future. Seriously fantasize about Drowning his friend. Then to keep Boston in line he keeps the clip? Fucking sick and he has the audacity to call Boston filthy?

Boston after this event stays quiet he continued to help with the project mind you he’s already contributed Top who designed everything and Nick who installed security system and made the website. He is a tamed dog. And yet Mew didn’t invite him to the Halloween party. He fucking insults him though insisting that Boston and Top are still fucking. Yeah right Boston seems sooooo into that pathetic desperate sad rich boy.

Let’s get on to ep 10 my final fucking straw

But Mew has the audacity to storm into Bostons house see the wall of lock boxes where Boston keeps his photos (not digital) and has the balls to say oh of course Boston would black mail someone to sleep with him. Really? Mew is the one with blackmail on Boston. Mew is the one who manipulated Boston’s person into saying that Boston’s closest guarded secret was a guy had taken video of him having sex. Mew is the one with two copies of the video to dangle over his head so he plays the silent friend the butt of your jokes.

Boston had every right to look at Mew like he might slap him. But Boston just takes it because he did actually love his friends at one point and there is no use arguing with them. Boston believes he is the monster they claim him to be even with Nicks assurances that “Bostons friends love him for who he is”

Mew never loved Boston. Boston was just a person to make Mew look better. Mew doesn’t deserve to have someone like Boston in his life. Mew can’t appreciate anything beyond his nose and that’s always up in the air because he’s SOOOOOO much better than anyone else. Literally there is no reason Boston should ever forgive him or see him again.

Maybe Mew liked the idea of found family from his fantasy books that are in the shelves of his home. As a closeted queer child I think that’s what drew me to the genre lots of people from different walks of life and species coming together to go on an adventure. Often the found family aspect was more captivating than any romance the book had to offer. I longed to have a group of people to feel as close to me as my siblings who would accept me. Maybe that’s why Mew tried to assemble a found family of his own with a hunter, drunkard, table holder, and a dancer. But when Top came into the picture Mew let that fly out of the window. So he superficially held onto Boston hoping by blackmailing him Mew would eventually be able to play paddy cake with him again. But Mew should never be forgiven for what he’s did to Boston episode 10.

Can’t wait to see that smug smile slip from his face

[swoosbadfuture]

ian and erin headcanons . hi im sane

Ian

Barely scraping 5’7

Half Canadian on his mom’s side

Bisexual, male pref

Straight A* student all aside from literature in which he barely has a B. Do not mention literature to him ever he’ll go mad

superiority complex . start the clown music . he needs to prove he’s the best always because if he isn’t the best then he’s automatically the worst

Very very autistic + low empathy. Prefers logic > emotion . Has a kind of “im not the weird one everyone else is weird I’m the normal one” view by accident

Complete Mama’s boy. you would never expect it but he is her little boy through and through

Gets along well w his dad too but they have very similar personalities and kinda clash a lot . Similar ideals just both very argumentative n stubborn . But god they will sit and listen to music for hours and just go full autism mode over it

Both his parents are very chill though. They are also both goths n r very proud of Ian

He's an only child

Voice breaks the moment he shows any emotion he’ll be talking normally n then get emotional n his voice just 📈

Speaking of which he is overly emotional and very bad at expressing it . very volatile person

Loyal to a fault and very justice oriented but also kinda holds these values to everyone without realising not everyone has the same morals . He doesn’t quite Get that not everyone is the same as him

Overprotective in a way that sometimes comes across as possessive . He’s not possessive he just has issues okay 💔

Phobia of the ocean and everything in it u will never see him on a boat ever he’d rather Die

Was good friends with Jason in kindergarten but kinda drifted apart from him as Jason got closer with Kevin. Kevin and Ian have never liked eachother insult eachother mercilessly. Poor Jason had to sit there and watch as they tried to beat eachother to a pulp. You can tell Kevin hates Ian because he rarely ever calls him by his first name

has a boyfriend in secret. Very much denies it. Only Erin and his parents know and he is trying so very hard to not let the secret out

Wants OUT of McKinley so bad . doesn’t even care abt changing his last name. I imagine McKinley is probably a bit of a small suburban town thats a bit of a bedroom community. The theme park is probably more well known than the town itself. Ian knows that if he just moves a few towns over then the name association will Go Away

Wanted to do astrophysics at college :) thinks space is cool as fuck

Resting face is worse than bitch he looks like he’s about to commit a murder in cold blood . Cold stare 0 emotions. And then suddenly he smiles and he’s just :D

Must stick to a consistent sleep schedule or else he’s a delusional nightmare

Stronger than he looks but would also probably crumple into 1000 pieces if he stubbed his toe

Likes horror movies but is lowkey a bit squeamish . would never admit it though. His favourite movie is Saw 2004 and he has to look away at all the gorey parts

Erin

5’8 and uses this 1 inch she has over Ian for Everything.

German ancestry on her dad’s side but doesn really know much about it besides that It’s There

Bisexual w pref for girls .

She/they nonbinary

Dyed her hair blue once and the ends are still kinda stained . Doesn’t care to cut it off because she thinks it looks cool (it does (it absolutely does))

Actual straight A* student and again uses this against Ian and teases him about his many struggles with Shakespeare

Collects bones n skulls n animal pelts and etc. Owns a few taxidermy animals .

Also very autistic n relates a lot to Ian bc of it

Is actually fairly good at socialising! just hates people

Parents do not understand the whole goth thing but are trying their best . Yes they did freak out when Erin brought home a taxidermy rat she got while out with Ian at an arts fair but oh well what can you do

Used to do figure skating when she was young !! still very confident at ice skating n likes to show off whenever she goes compared to Ian whos constantly falling on his ass. Let her have her moments of glory she deserves them.

The one who does the nail polish. Hence why hers is always perfect and Ian’s is always chipped bc she can always touch hers up whenever she needs to and Ian Cannot

Very aware of Ian’s superiority complex absolutely humbles him every chance she gets

Kinda obsessed w shitty low budget horror movies and indie films

Absolutely adores the art of SFX and fake gore / blood / etc n loved doing it herself. Halloween was her favourite holiday and she’d always go all out with it. Or would grab Ian and make him sit there for 2 hours. “come here sit down I need to see how realistically I can make your hand look like it’s been mauled” “Erin ew what the fuck”

Crush on Wendy that she’d never ever admit to. Only Ian knows and they have a deal where if he doesn’t spill about her crush she won’t spill about his boyfriend. Problem solved (they’re at eachother’s necks over it)

Makes friendship bracelets for her friends. Rest in peace Erin Ulmer you wouldve loved the Loom Bands craze of 2014

the both of them

Social rejects but they own it ™️ . Will literally take in anyone who’s also a bit of a ‘weird kid’ and convert them to goth subculture

Unfortunately this happens never it really do just kinda be the two of them vs the world huh

Dated for like a week once in sophomore year. Broke up immediately after their first kiss and decided they’d just pretend it never happened and that that 1 week of their lives just doesn’t exist. Did not happen ❤️

That being said though RAAAH WHAT ARE THE BOUNDS OF FRIENDSHIP. They hug and cuddle and hold hands and kiss cheeks constantly even if only as friends. Very physically affectionate though partially kinda to fuck with people who can’t seem to understand what the hell is going on with them both

“Oh yeah look at us nobody thinks we’re queer” “Ian we’re goth we might as well have it tattooed on our foreheads” “Fucks sake I can’t have shit in the 21st century”

Friendly banter is fucking insane they are just straightup insulting eachother. You know that one Gumball meme where Gumball is in hospital after being hit by a bus and he gets a card from Darwin saying “that bus should’ve ended you. love Darwin” that’s them that’s them that is them

They care eachother so much they are just bad at vocalising it so if they arent sitting there hugging they instead feel the need to be aggressively mean to eachother in loving and caring way

Erin is way more grounded and has more common sense than Ian who meanwhile is batshit insane at times and will 100% do crazy shit for the hell of it

Both of them rockin up to the town next door w their fake IDs to buy a months worth of R rated movies (fool proof plan (Ian almost got arrested once))

If only they had been around when Vine came out …. they would’ve been famous i tell u

[thearvariblues]

Oh, hey, look, it's another Biu-scandal post.

I've been considering and getting ready to write it for a few days now, but so far my words are kinda refusing to word. I decided I would still try, though, because I feel like I need to formulate the thoughts that have been running through my head for the past week.

Just as the last time, if my opinions make you uncomfortable, please feel free to block me and send me hateful anons, it's always a delight! 💙

First things first - yes, I still support Build. Yes, even a week later. No, I have not changed my mind. No, I'm not planning to. No matter his misdemeanors.

So you are IGNORING–

No. I'm not. I am aware of the fact that the things he allegedly said are what we consider shitty, but that doesn't change my opinion of him. At all.

Well I hope you have a REALLY GOOD REASON–

Yes, I have several, thank you for asking!

Reason one - I simply don't require my faves to be morally superior and clean as a freshly fallen snow. He is human. Humans make mistakes. Humans get frustrated and say stupid shit about their friends to another friends, humans talk shit about their job, humans make stupid jokes, humans are simply human. I don't mind finding out that a man I admire has made mistakes because.... I just don't. Sue me. (Please don't. As opposed to Ms. Ombre Pink, I do not have money to pay.)

Reason two - I refuse to judge the level of his shittiness, his homophobia and everything else he's being accused of based on a few out-of-context texts translated by antis who don't even try to make it a secret that they will not stop their bullshit until he either leaves public life, or (preferably) dies by his own hand. Listen, kids, I'm a translator myself, and trust me, I can completely change the meaning of a sentence while technically staying true to it in its bare essence. I can take a vaguely bitchy statement and make you into a monster without breaking a sweat. So excuse me if I don't trust people who are actively trying to destroy him to deliver the most truthful and accurate translations.

Reason three - I won't do anyone's dirty work for them. I have a brain. And I even use it from time to time. (Yayyyyy!) And it just seems... kinda weird that the very moment when Build gets back on his feet, mysterious twitter accounts start popping up and throwing accusations at him until they find something that sticks. They started with private photos, because apparently getting evidence of his relationship with Ombre Pink can turn the fans against him! (Spoiler alert - it did not.) Then they followed up with accusations of him throwing away the remnants of money bouquets - from a year ago, which raises its own questions about for how long has this mysterious person been planning on taking him down. (I'm saying mysterious person, as if we don't know her name starts with P and ends with I, with only one letter in between.) Anyway, this didn't work either, because apparently the fans are okay with him not keeping the wrapping of the gifts they give him. Who would have guessed! Well, the first attempts didn't work, so now we have a new scandal, using the big guns in the form of Bible and Apo's names! That's sure gonna work! And it does. But not on me. Like I said. Sometimes I tend to use my brain. What a shame.

Reason four (but maybe more of a reason 3B) - no matter who is exposing his "crimes", it's very clear to me that this person isn't doing it for our benefit. They don't want to expose Biu as a despicable monster because they don't want the fans to live in a lie or whatever. They are doing it with a very clear and open goal to destroy Build Jakapan. And I will not support that.

Reason five - presumably, all those alleged texts (don't forget that Ombre Pink has forged text conversations before) are from before the breakup, and also presumably from before the famous Phuket trip (and in case you don't know, in the leaked phone call from January, she accuses him of changing after that trip). Now, have you ever met a person who made you change your behavior without even realizing it? I have. Seriously, I know that spending too much time with certain friends makes me a worse person than I usually am. Hell, my mother is a terribly hateful person, and I always have to be careful around her because let me tell you, that hate spreads like a goddamn forest fire. What does this have to do with Build? Oh, nothing. Just a fact that Poi is clearly an extremely hateful, homophobic bitch who hates... you've guessed it, Bible and Apo. Let it sit for a moment.

Reason six - you know what, I think that's been enough reasons, I'm tired of that shit.

My point is this. In the essence, this whole thing is and should have stayed a private matter. It was an ugly, messy breakup after a shitty, clearly abusive relationship.

Listen, it's not coincidence that so many people who have had to deal with a narcissist abuser in their lives took a single look at Poi's behavior (no matter if it was back in January or later on) and went "wait... I know this shit". When you've been through it, you know. Trust me. You know. And it makes you sick in your stomach.

This is, and always has been, a private battle between a man and a woman.

On one side, we have Build, who might have made mistakes, but none of his mistakes are worth being cancelled for. Ever since this whole thing started back in January, he's been staying calm and collected, and he didn't talk shit about his crazy ex even when it could have helped him. Has he leaked their private call and some texts? Yes, but clearly only to clear his name. If you want to hate him for what he's "done", fine. Don't engage with his content. But let us morally fallen monsters enjoy it and support him in peace.

Because remember that on the other side, we have a woman who is openly homophobic (and if you don't see her "he cheated on me, oh god, do I have to get tested for AIDS?!" comment as homophobic, then I really have no words), has been proven to lie and forge evidence on multiple occasions (and had to confess to it) and has used twitter to spill secrets about her ex under the guise of "writing a story" (including, possibly, outing him as bisexual, since her "definitely not inspired by Build" character was bi) and scream at and blackmail him. We also know that as Daemi, she and Yok were being shit to multiple KinnPorsche actors, and they forced Barcode, a minor, to give them massages, claiming that's just a standard in the industry (and then proceeded to make fun of it to a point when Jeff fucking Satur felt the need to step up and say in a livestream that no, it's not a standard, you don't have to do those things, Barcode, you know).

Look. I'm not saying that because she's worse, it makes him an angel. It does not. Like I said, if you hate Build, feel free to, but don't hate on people who still choose to support him. Ignore him, and ignore us. Trust me, we don't want to argue with you all the fucking time.

I'm just begging you to think before you start spreading hate on Biu on the social media. Think who you're serving. Thing whose dirty work you're doing.

And then ask yourself if you are really the morally pure angels if you wish death upon one man and all his supporters because of a few stupid texts.

That's all. Thank you for your attention.

And if you still support Build, remember that I love you all, and you're not alone. 💙

[ahyesmygoodomenssideblog]

Hey, I wanted to thank you for writing those metas, I love reading them !

I watched good omens only recently and when I initially went through the good omens meta tag I felt kind of frustrated, since there is a lot of the "Crowley really has to learn to stop running away at the slightest problem" and stuff like that going around.

There was also a lot of "why are there so many people hating on aziraphale" but honestly I have trouble even finding a little criticism of him, so I don't understand why people are defending him, since there isn't even a threat? Or is there a tag for Aziraphale criticism I don't know of? ^^'

I'm a bit of tired of treating him, as if he isn't part of the oldest beings in the universe and didn't have time to challenge his thought process or learn how to, especially on earth with Crowley trying to help with that. When I was watching, Aziraphales well meaning behaviour hurt and his ignorance stung. He really is kind of delusional and I don't even know where I am going with these thoughts.

I hope dumping this wall of text in your askbox was okay. Are there any more metas planned? Thank you again, I hope you have a nice week!

Hi anon, thank you so much for the message! Sorry for the late reply. I 100% agree with you. Pretty much all I've seen on Tumblr is people defending Aziraphale or trying to reframe it so that Crowley and Aziraphale are equally at fault. I did see people talking about hate Aziraphale was getting on Twitter, but I don't use Twitter so I don't know what anyone might be saying over there.

Aziraphale is definitely woobified by the fandom, and it gets incredibly frustrating. Like, yes, Aziraphale has a lot of religious trauma. But so does Crowley. The opening scene of season 2 establishes that they've had this fundamental difference in views from the start, even before the fall, so I don't get why Aziraphale still gets so much leeway after refusing to change or grow for 6000+ years. He knows the complexities of humanity better than any other angel, but he keeps doubling down on his flawed belief system.

And season 2 really emphasized that Aziraphale's well-meaning ignorance is legitimately harmful. Like he got Morag killed by applying his overly simplistic worldview to a morally gray situation. And then there's the ball scene? The way Aziraphale dragged others into his rose-colored fantasy world was disturbing, especially with how freaked-out Nina was by it. Then Crowley shows up terrified and asking for help, and Aziraphale dismisses his concerns out of hand. He refuses to let Crowley’s worries put a damper on this Jane Austen ball nobody signed up for.

And Crowley was right. Like he was trying to raise the alarm about the very real danger that everyone was in. I’ve seen it framed a lot like Aziraphale is just an optimist and Crowley is a pessimist, but it goes farther than that. Crowley consistently has a more realistic view of Heaven, Hell, and humanity than Aziraphale does. Aziraphale's inability to engage with reality causes actual harm to both humans and to Crowley. It contributed to the world almost ending in season 1, because Aziraphale wasted a lot of time trying to reach the "right people" in Heaven instead of accepting that Heaven is as bad as Hell and trusting the one person that’s been trying to save the world with him for years.

And it's like, yes, Aziraphale is sympathetic. He’ll be very conflicted, and distressed about how conflicted he is, and then he’ll come around and do the right thing in the end. But it's frustrating to watch Aziraphale seeming to grow and then immediately backsliding. Like, he was ready to fall to protect Job's kids. But he didn't, and he went right back to his beliefs. He didn't lose his faith in Heaven despite the Flood, and Job, and Jesus, and the apocalypse.

He also has this superiority complex, where he's the nice one while Crowley is stuck doing the dirty work. "I am a great deal holier-than-thou" and all that. Aziraphale's belief system makes him "good" by definition. He dismisses and overrides Crowley's opinions instead of changing his own because, on some level or another, he thinks he's better than Crowley by design.

So it’s at the point where Aziraphale needs to do some serious self-reflection. He needs to be the one to make the choice to change fundamental beliefs he’s clung onto since the beginning of time. I think he's capable of changing, and I’m looking forward to how it plays out in s3, but I don’t think we’ll be getting a lot of good fix-its from the fandom any time soon. Most of what I've seen is still fans insisting that since they're both flawed they are both at fault, and their relationship can be fixed by just having them both apologize to each other. If people are looking at it beyond that, I don't know where they're discussing it.

[no-more-rqs]

AGREE 100000% ON THE DISSOMEI THING finally someone said it

im glad people agree lol, honestly most people seemed to completely misunderstand my post (to the point where i got a hate ask calling me a xenosatanist and telling me to kill myself) so im glad at least some people understand

the "i hate rqs and transids you all SUCK and are BAD!!!!!" on every single post:

1, pushes away anyone considering alternative terms and forces them to stay in radqueer communities because you (not at anon) are telling them that they are horrible people supporting horrible things (even if thats not your intended message)

2, is very triggering to many people recovering from radqueer/transid communities*, and if they have nowhere else to go without being extremely triggered every time they try to participate in radqueer communities theyll end up going back to those communities because often those are the only communities where they felt a (false) sense of safety and security

3, comes off as self-righteous and holier than thou, which pushes even more people away and towards the radqueer community because transid/radqueer communities are much chiller when it comes to things like this instead of having shit tons of posts that say "im BETTER for not giving into dysphoria youre a BAD person and im a GOOD person" (obviously im not saying "faking races/disorders is good!!!!" im just saying that many people act like theyre morally superior to people struggling and faking things out of desperation**)

*please god the anti-radqueer community needs to realize that a lot of ex-radqueers' experiences arent just "i saw people saying kids can consent and identifying as transharmful and it made me really upset". yes that can be damaging, however, there are many people who have gone through far worse, often to the point where they cant see any mentions of radqueers or transids without having panic attacks. there are people who have been sexually assaulted, threatened, stalked, or even raped or violently abused in the radqueer community, and to just tell those people "well you need to get over it because telling radqueers to fuck off on every unrelated post makes me happy" is extremely insensitive and disgusting. you are not making a community for those with atypical dysphoria if you do that. many people discovered they had atypical dysphoria in the rq community, and have very severe trauma from the community. the dissomei community is not safe for those with atypical dysphoria.

**anti-radqueer (and dissomei by extent) communities have constructed this idea that any dysphoria that isnt gender dysphoria is easy to deal with and very minor. honestly, many peoples idea of "atypical dysphoria" isnt dysphoria at all (but at the same time, you have to have dysphoria or else youre a horrible person for "wanting to be" a different race). for one, dysphoria can be extremely debilitating: i have a friend who is a trans man and seoracial, and his racial dysphoria is almost always more intense and difficult than his gender dysphoria. its gotten better since i coined the term "seoracial" (i actually coined it partially to help him) and helped him, but that race dysphoria will probably always be there in some capacity (as it is for many trans people as well).

dissomei terms almost always have a very big paragraph on every post that explains how youre not allowed to transition because transitioning is harmful, with one or two sentences at the end saying "if youre doing it respectfully its okay though!". not only is this useless and at times offensive when put on posts where transitioning would be perfectly fine, its even more useless when put on posts where transitioning wouldnt be fine. using my example of race, nowhere does it explain what is and isnt "racial transitioning", only stating that its bad. this is extremely unhelpful and actively harmful because it portrays any form of relieving dysphoria as "racial transitioning (bad and horrible)" because it doesnt explain what that actually is. i made sure to include examples and explanations in my coining post for seoracial because nuance is extremely important when extreme dysphoria can be life or death for some people. acting like youre morally superior to people who faked their race because they didnt know of any other option is incredibly insensitive and rude, and this is a problem with the entire anti-radqueer community (im including dissomei in the anti-radqueer community because, as ive said previously, its just a subgroup of anti-radqueers and not really an overall atypical dysphoria community).

[surpriseroundtellyourfriends]

I’d love to hear more about your thoughts on Solomon

oops. this turned into a long-ass essay about racism, financial morality, and child programming, so I'll put it under a readmore. click at your own peril.

oughhh ughhhhh thinks about Solomon and gets ill.

I've given my Ben 10 racism speech before so bear with me if you know me and you've heard this before. (if you haven't: yes, you read that right, my Ben 10 racism speech.) listen listen listen. okay, so.

as someone who was raised as a conservative, homophobic, capitalist christian who fully held onto those beliefs and acted on them for a long time: it means the WORLD to me when I see an objectively terrible, morally awful person portrayed in a sympathetic light.

and it makes me want to KILL A MAN when I see a "sympathetic racist" (or capitalist, or homophobic, etc.) and the reasons they're supposed to be sympathetic are so laughably stupid that it ends up encouraging the idea that all bad people are intrinsically bad and cannot be redeemed.

the most common bad "sympathetic racist" character I see is "their family member was killed by a member of the group they despise. therefore, they hate that whole group."

that is NOT how ANY form of discrimination—including financial discrimination—works. I don't have a fear or hatred of long-haired boys because my stalker ex who tormented me for years was a brown-haired boy. even children can grasp that one trait of a person does not necessarily correlate to their other traits.

discrimination—for the vast majority of cases—happens due to child indoctrination. when an impressionable child is told, over and over again, that a certain group is inherently "bad" or "flawed," and told to exercise caution or hatred towards that group, a precedent is set. that child will likely be sheltered from good interactions with the targeted group, and therefore, any experiences they have of that group will be negative.

growing up, they will rub elbows with the targeted group a bit more, but they will already have a strong belief that has been "confirmed" by their tailored experiences. if they have any good experiences, they will cherry-pick information and repackage any positive feelings as "an exception" or the targeted group "deceiving" them, or even "having some good qualities but being bad/flawed at the core." they may avoid any future experiences with the group to avoid cognitive dissonance—effectively sheltering themselves like their parents sheltered them.

the reason I call this my Ben 10 Racism Speech is because Ben 10 is the first show where I ever saw a good depiction of a sympathetic racist character. we meet this one alien is a eugenicist, whose race believes they are the ultimate lifeform and that all other species are inferior. obviously, he's an antagonist. but Ben tries to befriend and help him, over and over, even when he refuses help. finally, when the alien loses an arm, Ben uses his powers to implant a new one on him. the alien assists Ben in getting back home—but refuses to go home himself, as he believes he is now "contaminated" (having DNA from another species inside of him) and is unfit to go back to his planet.

he literally tries to stay in a desert where he will die because he is so conditioned to think of his race as superior, that he is not immune to the racism. when a helpful medical procedure changes his own DNA, he thinks himself a lowly, disgusting creature fit only for death.

what does this have to do with Solomon?

well, Solomon certainly isn't a self-hating racist. (that would be Michelle.) but he IS—inarguably and unequivocally—a prime example of a monster who was raised to be a monster.

Solomon was literally raised by, and around, demons in hell. he was taught that mortals, especially the poor, were only designed to serve greater beings such as himself. in fact, the whole reason his family moved out from hell was because they were at the bottom of the social ladder there, but the top of the ladder on earth. he was taught that this was just the way things worked. he was trained by his father to one day kill his father, and consume his ashes, and that one day he would lay an egg and do the same.

he was taught these things as a baby. he has been raised his whole 17 years of life without contact to humankind. in fact, it's kind of astounding just how friendly he is on his first day of Valor Academy, even if he DOES see everyone else as "lesser than" him. he seems very strongly to desire a friendship and companionship that hasn't been provided for him at home, but he doesn't exactly recognize that friendship and companionship—the things he wants—necessitate equality.

but then he meets Benji. Benji, who—as far as he knew at the time—was an orphaned pauper boy with nothing to his name. quite literally at the bottom of the social ladder. but Solomon likes Benji. he's witty, he's funny, he knows a lot about the world. Solomon likes being around him. and Benji starts working to reform him. forcing him to volunteer at a soup kitchen. taking him out of that sheltered state and making him actually meet other humans, mortals, poor people.

and then.

then he meets Vika.

and Vika is a character I could do a whole other analysis on, but by god is she a bad combination with Solomon. because on one hand, she tells Solomon just how wrong he is, she's loud and brash and not afraid to state things as they are without coddling him.

but on the other, she refuses to take off her rose-tinted glasses about the slave colony she grew up in. she frequently refers to it as the best time of her life, as a perfect society, as something to be emulated. because she, too, was indoctrinated into a lie, and told that Donovan King Jr was their savior. and even if she no longer defends HIM, she still defends the slave colony.

and when she repeats that rhetoric, it re-activates Solomon's programming.

someone who didn't grow up with rigid doctrine, especially for such a length as 17 years, can probably never hope to understand how hard it is to break out. pathways in the brain are physically etched to rearrange morals, indecipherable from what might be "common sense" to someone else. and like the Winter Soldier, sometimes just one key phrase or story can set someone back years by triggering old programming associated with feelings of piousness or guilt.

Solomon was raised to be the worst kind of person on earth. and he wants to be better.

but god, is it going to be a struggle to get there.

[thedroloisms]

yes theres no doubt a large disparity esp on here when other communities outnumber this one in size. I mean to say the new wave over-saturates this behavior, when they all share the common mindset of "at least my guy is not as bad as that one" they conform to putting a controversy in the back of their mind because they never expect their guy to be subject to that limelight or little things that get dream lambasted for because they take part in it. Making sure their punching bag stays as that only punching bag. And seeing it happen to them is such a foreign thing to experience, so they have find ways to cope with it even if it means to drag a name that has nothing to do with the situation. It's my thought process at least that the critical thinking the general community adheres to will always be based on bias and malicious take-downs to make themselves seem better to a wider range beyond theirs. Its so naturally performative too, their statements have like a veneer of snarkiness to it that you can clock right away. Using "she didn't say anyone so we shouldn't speculate" and ignoring the deliberate details she dropped, makes empathy look like a smoke screen to deny or not talk about the person who everyone knows is in plain sight. I understand its a sensitive subject to most people but seeing the evidence of her spoken word be accused of being associated with leak stuff in order to blame something other than their guy is so disgusting. So thats why in this situation, seeing the stark differences as an observer, I can't help but laugh too otherwise I would go mad.

i'd say in my personal experience, older fans tend to be even worse about the "my guy is a good guy and better than dream" rhetoric specifically bc they cling to their experience in choosing "the right side" as giving them a moral high ground. a lot of said people are specifically even invoking dream's name in terms of decision-making in this situation, basically saying "ohhh this situation isn't like the dream situation, if it was like that then obviously i would've dropped him" or on the flip side being like "we can't be like dream fans, guys, we have to Drop Him and call him an awful inhuman monster #fuckmen" etcetera whatever. obviously there are plenty of problems with newer fans as well but i've seen pleeeenty of people acting in stupid ways who were specifically here for the allegations against dream in 2022 (including something i saw earlier which made me laugh a little bit - someone going "look i cant support abusers i used to be a dream fan but then the allegations dropped and i stopped supporting him because i didn't want to look bad :( i dont support will gold anymore but i will continue to draw wilbur soot" like ???? okay) - i feel like new fans are more of an issue bc they take this attitude from older fans and parrot and amplify it, but honestly i wouldn't really say new fans are the root of the issue (though obviously their lack of supporting a Bad Guy in the past factors into their superiority complexes in the present)

while there have been quite a few idiots making this situation about dream (some people outright accusing dream, though honestly i think those people were just trying to deflect the situation onto their favorite punching bag rather than making an actual accusation - and a lot more people bringing up the dream situation specifically to soothe their own complicated feelings because Obviously they care about victims and Obviously they care about holding Bad People accountable) - i feel like the majority of what i've seen from people other than the copium is just a lot of people going all :( support shelby #believevictims don't speculate, which is. wow. crazy to me as well to consider it leak to ... talk about literally publicly available information? like leaktwt is when you listen to music lyrics now i fucking guess.

you really, really do have to laugh, honestly. i didn't know what to expect from this situation but my god, i did NOT think it'd be this bad

[russell-crowe]

Please be honest with me. I’m starting to get the vibe that you want to fuck that old man

JKFDSFFDSHJFDSHKFD anon you sound a lot like nancy saltyfilmmajor right now

i will 'answer' your ask in the second part of this answer, but i want to use this as an opportunity to also more seriously explain why i try and keep my tags pg first. i will preface this by saying that i do not have some kind of 'moral superior' attitude about this and that there in fact a lot of thoughts about both being the railer and the railee, the fucker and the fucked etc, so i do not look any different at people who do decide to use the tags in their own delicious way. on the contrary to that i actually love it when people are very expressive in their tags. <3

but on a more personal note i just don't vibe with sharing any nsfw comments or fantasies on tumblr (at the moment). i use grindr quite liberally and i have no problem with being sexually active & i don't mind sharing fantasies with friends, but on tumblr my brain just goes full on "oh my god he's so talented, i want to study him like an ant and figure out all his antics" mode. i think that also has to do with the growing "let's make celebrities read people's thirst tweets" moments that has made me more... reluctant to speak about celebrities in a sexual way on more public platforms. i'd rather, for now, use my tumblr more to focus on the projects he does and keep it 'pg'.

and the other thing, and this is very stupid because i do not mind when other people do it, so why is it a problem for my brain when i personally do it? i just feel bad sexualizing and objectifying someone who hasn't 'consented' to it. it feels, weirdly enough to my dumb brain, that i am not respecting him enough - especially because i find his personality (or what i know of his personality) to be attractive as well. i assume he doesn't mind fans in fan spaces sexualizing him because well, he is a man and a public figure and probably is used to it to such an extend that it doesn't bother him (or at least he does not interact with it and all), but AHHHHHH MY BRAIN!

but yes i indeed find this man stupidly sexily attractive to the extend that he's making me question my sexual preferences? i have always been both submissive and a bottom and i still feel comfortable with those labels, but there is something about russell that makes me think: okay, but he'd also look good blowing someone and getting fucked and i??? would not mind being a top in this instance?? and while i am not sure if i would make a good dom, he even makes my mind wander to those kind of areas.

but yes i am going to put on a clown nose and a wig and continue to look longingly at his muscular arms and his bear hands and his stupid pouty lips and try not to think about how the type of men i fancy in p*rn look very similar to his physique :))))

[sophieswundergarten]

Yet Another Sophie Live-blog Reaction to Reading "S.O.S" (Chapter 14)

@nobody33333333 I love this chapter so much!!! I love all of your stuff, but this was so neat!!! Absolutely beautiful :)

So, without further ado, my insanely unhinged notes on how Bods has yet again created a masterpiece:

The Title Is Scaring Me

However, reading one of the Great Jeffers Scenes right off the bat made me quite happy

Erika!!

(Yes. I will continue to cheer for every single minor character whose name I manage to recognise :>)

Oh boy, the magic scene

How dare you make me Feel Things over Curtain’s stupid magic tricks

Something about “Martina didn’t deserve the Brain Sweeper. Not because of them” is just so good!! It perfectly parallels things that the Society has said/thought before, and I really like how you added it right here

And we once again enter the spiral otherwise known as “Curtain Rationalising War Crimes to Himself” SIR. You can’t wipe a child’s brain and call it a good thing!!

“But fortunately for Martina, being betrayed by a member of the Wetherall family was a situation with which Dr. Curtain could empathize.” Oh goodness. I see we’re pulling no punches this chapter.

I really love how you explain Curtain’s little magic trick in practical terms, as well as why he did it. Because, even though it’s warped and kind of problematic, he still loves Kate

Also, his concept of “the principle of the matter” and how he keeps his promises is such an interesting detail to include in his thoughts!!! I like how it communicates his morals and loopholes, because with that “letter of the law” kind of thinking, of course there are some things he’d let slide

THE MISUNDERSTANDING. THE WAY CURTAIN IS TRYING TO COMFORT HER IN HIS WEIRD SICKO WAY AND KATE IS TERRIFIED BECAUSE SHE THINKS SHE’S GOING TO LOSE SOME OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN HER LIFE. AHHHHHHH

Just. “a mix of confusion and terror” is the perfect way to describe all of Kate’s responses to Curtain being all wacky at her

Ah, yes. The “Milligan Surrendering Bit”. This marks the first time of many (Aside from seeing your message that you were updating) that I had to walk away and screech and wave my hands about before coming back to continue reading

The greys are so bad at their jobs, honestly. Even if he’s lying, you should probably react with more of a plan than “Okay, sure, lets take this guy in!”

(At least, that’s my opinion. I’m sure they’re trying their best, and Milligan appearing out of the bushes would be disconcerting to anyone)

OH. OHHHHHHHH MY WORD. Milligan doing all the same stuff he’s done so many times before but he doesn’t know it. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. And we’re so close to him getting (At least some) of his memories back, too. I don’t know how to feel but most of it is just insane amounts of anticipation

I love the exchange of "[W]hat exactly do I want you for?” / “Everything.” / “Everything?” so very much. I enjoyed watching it on-screen, but the subtle details you add make it so much better, especially because the written format you’re using allows you to see what the characters are thinking about each other. Stupendous

ALSO. THE PARTS WHERE CURTAIN GETS ALL WORKED UP BECAUSE HE THINKS NICHOLAS IS PURPOSEFULLY TRYING TO HURT HIM (Especially when they involve the Wetheralls) ARE RIDICULOUS AND FANTASTIC. I AM LOSING IT. I’M GOING TO RELEASE TERMITES IN YOUR BASEBOARDS. AJKDJKDSKJDFJKDSJKDS

Oh, and he knows that Milligan cares about Kate so much!!! The dramatic irony of Curtain (As the kind of “main character”) and the audience knowing all of the things, and then he just refuses to elaborate on his creepy vague statements is both beautiful and infuriating

“Well, Curtain figured, traitor or not, the least he could do was indulge his former friend. For old times sake. After all, Curtain had the time to spare, and for as much as he liked to think of himself as the superior performer, he couldn’t deny that Wetherall’s stories always had a bit of a dramatic flair to them. Curtain supposed there was nothing wrong with a little entertainment before his moment of triumph.” This paragraph is gorgeous. I love it. I love it, I love it, I love it. It just made me feel such heartache and hopefulness at the same time. Curtain's pain and Milligan being just on the edge of remembering, oh my word. I don’t have any clue how to put words to the exquisite mix of emotions reading it creates in me.

MARTINA MARTINA MARTINA MARTINA MARTINA

It’s really interesting how you write Martina’s reasoning, with her telling herself that if people got in trouble, it was because they deserved it. She didn’t get in trouble because she worked hard, and that's how the world worked. (I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that her parents don’t seem to value the work she puts into things and how she might feel like she has to earn appreciation)

Oh no. Jackson and Jillson. This can go one of two ways and I don’t feel like either of them are good

Once again, your J&J dialogue is spot on and fills me with very happy wiggles

I don’t know if it was intentional, but the fact that Jackson is the one who says “or us” both times when they’re saying Martina wouldn’t betray them is so sad

THE CONFLICT. THE EMOTIONAL TURMOIL. The way that Martina is wrestling with doing what’s right and betraying the only friends or security she’s known up to now and the way that Jackson and Jillson don’t know how to form independent opinions but they still care about her and it is just a huge mess but I love it!!!! AH

I’m really proud of Martina, and of course the way you detailed her decision is wonderful, but I am still so sad for them

Okay. Bods. Listen to me. The way that you can write such gut wrenching angst and sorrow and have so many heartfelt moments, but you also pepper in things like “(which apparently included the lengthy task of painting perfect rectangles onto a warehouse floor, lots sneaking through the sewers, and testing the believability of several disguises and accents, all of which Wetherall was happy to demonstrate)” is flabbergasting. That’s such a delicate balance, and somehow you execute it perfectly each and every time. I love how this fic is a huge mix of things, because I know that I will never have to face overwhelming despair, but it also has enough intrigue and complexity that I am always invested. You are unfathomably talented.

MILLIGAN AND GARRISON OH NO I’M GOING TO LOSE IT ONCE MORE

And more hints to Garrison’s opinions on psychics!!! Oh goodness gracious, I want to shake her. Just talk to someone for heaven's sake. Ask for help!!!

The memory fragments you keep slipping in for Milligan’s point of view as extraordinary and I love them but also I am going to have to start shredding bedsheets now

AND THE FACT THAT THE LINES ARE FROM THAT FIGHT. I knew immediately what scene it was, and the “Where was your precious conscience then?” just about had me sobbing on the ground

But, you know, par for the course, this chapter made it so much more painful

“Milligan almost took a step back as Curtain approached him. He felt a sensation creeping up on him. A familiar sensation, one that told him to run.” followed by “Curtain did not bother to watch as his men dragged Wetherall to the Brain Sweeper. There was no need. He had already watched them do it so many times already.” was like being decked in the face twice over in the span of thirty seconds

And Curtain!! Who is still grieving his friends because he can’t let himself process one (1) single emotion in a healthy way ever!!! And so he has fully committed himself to the idea that what he’s doing is the right decision that he has basically no sense of reality at this point. It’s such a weird whiplash effect to go from the mostly reliable narration of some of the other characters to Professional Liar Curtain's inner monologue

I wonder if he truly didn’t think it would cause Garrison problems to sweep Milligan or if he just had so much going on he figured it was worth the risk to trust her with it

ASKJFHDSKJSLDKGASJKDFJDSK NO!!!!!!!

Garrison and Kate is one of the worst potential relationships we lost in my opinion

(I say as if it doesn’t change all the time depending on which bit I’m reading)

Oh, and they took her bucket. And Garrison doesn’t know why it’s so important.

THE CABINET.

Oh, yes!!! YES!! Garrison, oh my goodness I am so excited. She may not be the best person, but she’s trying her hardest and I have been waiting to see what she would do for ages. You’ve made her into such a compelling character. Oh great heavens. **Incoherent screaming**

StickyStickyStickyStickyStickyStickyStickyStickyStickyStickySticky

“Curtain looked at Sticky in surprise. The sequence was right, but Sticky had messed up the first part. He had ordered people not only to not acknowledge that Curtain’s commands were in their heads, but to ignore to them entirely.” I am infatuated with how you add these little details, because even though they might be what would logically follow, you give them such a sense of belonging in the story and it makes the whole thing a lot richer.

Oh dear, every time Curtain starts thinking about which of the kids are spies he goes along the lines of “Of course! It was so obvious!” and somehow he’s still always off

“As for Reynie Muldoon, the boy clearly had some social issues and was a bit of a rule breaker” Why does he keep judging this child so harshly

GARRISON’S RUNNING. I THINK SHE’S ABOUT TO GO DO SOMETHING INADVISABLE

Isaac!!! I was holding my breath waiting for this since you mentioned him and I am so excited!!!

Aw man, he’s such a goof.

You don’t know how happy I am that you resolved poor Isaac being sent out into the woods

“-Martina doesn’t like you. Reynie lied to you so that you would give him his keycard.” For some reason this line stuck out to me. It’s so… visceral. It’s very blunt, but it’s true. And it’s showing a much more vital side of Garrison that she’s been hiding from for years, and I’m ecstatic about her little (and big) character breakthroughs

“ “But maybe one day I’ll learn to love again,” the thirteen-year-old boy mused sadly. “And maybe the next time things will work out.” ” Who is this child. Why is he like this. I have so many questions but I love thim.

In a way, he’s so mature, and the way he reacted to Garrison has a lot of sensibility in it, but also he’s thirteen

OKAY

OKAY LISTEN

I STILL CAN’T PROCESS THIS BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS AMAZING FANTASTIC LOVELY WONDERFUL AWESOME GLORIOUS EXTRAORDINARY PART THAT YOU WROTE

I AM TRYING MY BEST BUT MY MIND DISSOLVES INTO LITERAL GIBBERISH WHENEVER I THINK ABOUT IT SO FOR THE SAKE OF GETTING THIS OUT SOON I’M GOING TO HAVE TO PUT THAT PART ON HOLD

BUT KNOW THAT I LOVE IT AND I WAS SCREAMING SO MUCH LAST NIGHT AND I STILL AM SCREAMING RIGHT NOW

(I do love that you added Mr. Oshiro being like “I’m an actor!” in the middle of that)

The Jackson and Jillson stuff almost killed me. I don’t know how I’m going to survive the rest of this fic when you try and give me a heart attack every few minutes

YEAH MILLIGAN

I need you to know that I legitimately started laughing out loud as soon as the clapping happened

I was giggling like a madman, alone in the dark, and I thoroughly enjoyed every second of it

“Milligan frantically looked around him, looking for the sight of Kate Wetherall (which was the only person Milligan assumed Jeffers could have been referring to), but of course, found no one.” Yet another hugely artistic and lovely line that I want to hug extremely tightly

I adore how once again Milligan is completely distracted and Does Not Care In The Slightest and just knocks Jeffers out and keeps moving

Peak “rival” relationship

HHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Milligan and Garrison and Milligan and Garrison and Milligan and Garrison and Milligan and Garrison and Milligan and Garrison and Milligan and Garrison and Milligan and Garrison and Milligan and Garrison and—

AND SHE KNOWS. SHE KNOWS HE’S KATE’S DAD AND I WANT TO HUG HER

Oh. Oh, and she thinks he’s going to hurt her. And she thinks she deserves it

This is the “I think you need better friends” / “And I think my friend deserves better” thing all over again and I’m going to cry

THEY’RE BOTH CONFUSED AND SAD AND HURT AND THEY CAN’T COMFORT EACH OTHER

AND SHE TELLS HIM

SHE TELLS HIM AND I WASN’T EXPECTING THAT AND ONCE AGAIN I HAVE FALLEN PREY TO THE NOBODY SIGNATURE LAST SCENE GUT PUNCH

“And this could all be a lie, a distraction, there was no point in Milligan getting his hopes up when he had a mission to fulfill, and… if Kate was his then he…he wouldn’t have abandoned her, he could never have forgotten her…could he?” Oh, hello. Thank you for ripping my heart out again

I do really love how you worked the bit about Milligan’s hair being short in

(Also because I cut my hair and donate it every couple years, so that was kind of a neat personal connection for me :>)

“Milligan’s eyes began to fill with tears, realizing just how much he might have lost. A daughter who grew up without her mother or her father, a love he had lost and couldn’t even remember. A part of him didn’t want so much tragedy to be real. And…it might not be. These memories still felt so far away, it felt like he was remembering a dream he’d had once. But to another part of him, it felt right. Like was the truth that he had been searching for all along, and whether it was unpleasant or not didn’t matter because it was real. It was his life.” There are too many absolutely majestic snippets of your writing. I’m sorry for copy-pasting so much of your own work, but it’s driving me up a wall.

Oh!! OH!! And she gives him memory revival tricks!!!!

But they can’t help him.

AND HE CAN’T JUST LEAVE. BECAUSE HE STILL CARES ABOUT HER.

BUT. BUT GARRISON STILL THINKS SHE’S IRREDEEMABLE. 

“ “No one deserves this,” Milligan insisted, “including you.” ”

AND THEN YOU BRING THE DREAM THING BACK AGAIN

And it’s in Isaac’s little speech!! And Jeffers!!! Oh man, I don’t know if I’m reading too much into it, but you and your metaphors and your themes and your motifs and just your writing

Poor Garrison somehow always ends up alone. Oh, I want Milligan to be able to talk to her!!!

Also can you please stop causing my molecules to disintegrate because your fic is so good? I’m going to freeze every butterknife you own in a block of ice

Bods!!! So, so good!!! I know I completely skipped over Isaac and Lindsey and the kids and everything, but this was already, like, five pages long and that particular scene sends me into such a state of elation that I can’t articulate a coherent thought at the moment. I am so happy that I had the time and ability to read this chapter as soon as it came out, and I thank you once again for sharing your genius ideas and beautiful writing skills!! It made my whole week, and I just cannot get over how talented you are :)

[willmike-what]

What in the victim-blaming? This has to be bait, there is no way you actually think like this. Nobody is advocating to bully antis, unprompted or not, but their WHOLE DEAL is hurting people, and I'm not going to lay down and take it quietly. NOBODY should, and you're a dick for turning this around on victims and villainizing us. Responding to abuse is NOT the same as bullying.

Antis are abusers, by their very nature. That's what an anti IS. If they don't go after people? Then they aren't an anti. It's about the behavior, not the viewpoint. You can hate whatever problematic content you want and still be proship. What makes someone in anti is the abusive way they treat people who DO like those things, not just how they themselves feel about it. You can't misdefine a group to justify talking down to the victims of that group.

You're just proving my point that you care more about "making proshippers look good" than you do about the safety of the actual people in online spaces, including proship ones. You are prioritizing the feelings of abusers over the safety of victims, and acting morally superior to those of us who have enough of a spine to actually DEFEND victims like ourselves. You are vile for that.

Really, no one? Not a single proshipper has ever told an anti to off themselves, or even once tried to bully them off of tumblr? I care about victims and I understand them never wanting to talk to their abusers. But, again if we want to see change and I’m not even talking about the community, the internet would straight up be a better place if everyone was nicer and open minded.

Yes there will be terrible people and innocent people will be abused unfortunately. And we need to help the ones in need of it. I myself cannot offer that help personally. This topic isn’t “I care about antis so much more than victims” this topic is “Help the people falling down a dangerous mindset, instead of letting them lock themselves in an echo chamber”

I want everyone to be safe, talking it out with people and letting them understand their wrongdoings is in the long run is a good thing.

I don’t understand where you get that I don’t care about victims, I do care about them. I’m not asking victims, I’m asking the community to be a community. And I fundamentally disagree with your thoughts on what an anti is. An anti is someone who is against proshippers and problematic media, they don’t have to be abusers, or doxxer’s or anything like that. They just have to be against them and the works.

Just like proshippers, they don’t have to be nice people, but they have to be okay with problematic media. They can be awful as well. But they’re also against antis.

But my point is that if we can show antis that we aren’t condoning what we consume then we can stop potential death threats, doxxing and harassment. And all it takes is not being a terrible person to everyone around you.

It boils down to: Treat others how you want to be treated.