#then they’re like ‘actually this sucks and it’s not funny at all. we should probably just repress it instead 👍’

[roseworth]

kyle & rose dynamic during new titans is him thinking of her as his emo cousin and her thinking of him as like an interim big brother. also after she leaves the team he rarely hears about her, so he knows that she was lians nanny (bc he was friends with roy around that time. it might’ve come up) but doesn’t know anything after that since he did not spend a lot of time on earth, and in the time he did spend on earth rose wasn’t rly someone he thought about a lot.

all this to say years later he meets her again and says “oh hey rose long time no see. cool eyepatch, do you have pinkeye or something”

[beesspacedotorg]

Handle With Care

Summary: You've had a truly awful day, luckily, your adoring boyfriend Minho is there to make it better. 2.5k words

Warnings: there's sex, but honestly it feels like someone accidentally got porn in my fluff so do with that what you will. reader is as gender neutral as physically possible. reader is also lowkey a crybaby, sorry but actually I'm not

Notes: Hello adoring public. It turns out, I can write fanfiction, and with the encouragement of Juno and Ems, I can also post it! There is a cat in this, she was inspired by a cat my family used to have and a cat my family currently has. They're both calico which I think explains everything you need to know about them.

There’s a lot you can say about the day you had today, and most of them start with sh- and end in -itty. You’re thinking on this as you dive head first onto the rough material of your couch, great for sitting, bad for face planting. You hear a scratching by your head and absentmindedly bat your cat away from the arm of the couch, mumbling something about how she has a perfectly good cat tree two feet away before resuming your completely justified sulking.

“Oh, hello. I didn’t hear you come home. How was your day?” There’s a voice above you and you can picture him in your mind's eye, leaning against the back of the couch as he stares at your limp form, probably eyeing the shoes you didn’t take off by the door. You mumble something half hearted in response and he huffs before the sound of walking hits your ears and all the breath leaves your body at once. He’s sitting on you. This motherfucker is sitting on you.

“Get off, Minho” You had to tilt your head to the side, it’s hard enough to breathe through couch fabric as is, much less when there’s a full grown man sitting on your back.

“You should answer people when they try to talk to you, jagiya.”

“You shouldn’t sit on people while they’re laying down, yeobo.” Your voice is a lot more acidic than his was and a twinge of guilt settles on you before it dissipates as he shifts and manages to place more weight on your back.

“Hmm. I guess we’re both doing things that we shouldn’t then. How tragic.” His voice is deadpan, and you still can’t see him from where your head is turned- your view is limited to the back of the couch and his arm in your periphery- but you can feel the dead stare he’s aiming at your skull. There’s a silence for a few moments while you engage in a war of attrition, neither of you willing to give up just yet, but it’s getting genuinely hard to breathe and your back is starting to hurt.

“It sucked, please get off.” He does, patting your back consolingly.

“See? Was that so hard?” He guides your head to his lap as you both sit back down, petting over your hair like he would his cats. “Tell me, what’s got my baby in such a tizzy?”

You grumble at him, rolling over to shove your face into his stomach, tired and petulant. He sighs softly, but keeps patting your head, so you know he’s mostly just doing it for show.

“That kind of day, hmm, jagi?” And you nod again. Honestly, it wasn’t much different from a normal day, it’s just that the right things managed to go very wrong and subsequently ruined your day in a way that has pressure forming behind your eyes and your voice cracking stupidly every time you try to talk.

You both sit for a while before he puts something on the TV and gently shoves your head off his lap.

“Hey-”

“Do you want the dinner I worked so hard on to go cold?” He has his hands on his hips in front of you and you laugh slightly at how funny he looks. He rolls his eyes and goes, coming back with two bowls of something before he forcefully sits you up and shoves it in your hands.

“Eat.”

“Yes, chef.”

The food is delicious, it always is when Minho cooks it, he’s got a talent for it you’ve never really seen firsthand, and you consider yourself truly blessed to be able to eat it as often as he’s able to make it for you. Still, gratefulness and taste aside, your day was shitty enough that every mouthful tastes like ash and turns to rot in your stomach, leaving you with an unsettling queasiness that shouldn’t ever be attributed to your boyfriend’s cooking. You’re shoving the contents around with a spoon before he huffs- a real one this time- and takes the bowl from you, setting it on the coffee table next to his own before he mutes the TV.

“Okay. Quite clearly something is wrong. What can I do to help you?” You think he knows, but you like that he asks anyway. Minho always asks, always lets you talk and sort out whatever’s going on before he tries to help. Even if your answer is a simple shake of the head, a simple, I don’t feel like it, become a mind reader, he always asks before he helps. Sometimes you wonder how he always knows what you need, others you just decide to not look a gift horse in the mouth.

You huff and your lip wobbles pathetically and he coos, slightly condescending.

“Crying already? I haven’t even done anything.” He’s teasing, but his hands are gentle as he pulls you into his lap, his hands are gentle as they find their way under your shirt, his mouth is gentle as it kisses down the side of your face to your neck.

“‘M sorry,” you’re not the biggest fan of crying, neither is he, but for different reasons. He’s not someone who’s brought to tears easily, you are, but there’s an inherent shame in it, you think. Something so embarrassing about getting worked up enough to start crying like a baby, and so as much and as often as you feel like crying, you don’t. This he also knows, because he knows everything.

“Aish, why are you sorry for? I didn’t tell you to apologize, did I?” He taps your cheek lightly, causing you to look up at him, he plants a kiss on your nose, then your mouth.

“Sweet thing, don’t worry about anything except for what I tell you to, okay?” And you nod and he smiles.

You’re not much for talking in times like these, everything is so sensitive and soft and talking feels like a cheese grater on this cloudlike moment so you don’t and he knows, so he doesn’t chide you for it. Usually, he would. He’d crack a hand down on your ass or grab a fistful of your hair and tell you that he asked you a question so he expects an answer, but that’s not what you need right now, so he doesn’t. He just kisses your jaw again before he puts both of his warm hands under your shirt and lets his fingers poke at your chest.

He always says his hands are small, but really, you wouldn’t be able to tell, not with the way he cups your chest in his hand and lets his thumb brush over your nipple, gentle and reverent. It’s not much, not as much as he usually gives you, but it’s enough to have your mouth dropping open with a gasp and your back arching into his hand, it’s enough to have him giggling softly at your reaction.

“Sensitive today?” He’s teasing again, as soft as he is right now, he’s still Minho, he still likes to poke fun. You huff, biting at his shoulder softly in retaliation and he lets you, pinching your nipple just this side of too much in retribution before one of his hands wanders down to your ass, groping and squishing the flesh. Your breath stutters in your chest as he pushes your hips forward onto his, friction sending sparks up your spine.

“Min-” You’re desperate and he hasn’t even done anything yet, not really. A few stray touches and you already feel yourself shattering to pieces in his grasp, you’re not afraid though, and not quite ashamed. He’ll take care of you, he always does.

He does it again, guides your hips forward until you’ve gotten the hint to keep going by yourself and you’re struck with the urge to kiss him, so you do, removing your head from the home it’s made on his shoulder and making a go at his mouth. It’s messy, your coordination shot already, and you almost smash your forehead into his nose before he catches your head with a laugh.

“Easy there. Bloody noses aren’t exactly sexy.” You disagree, he could make anything sexy, but you don’t have time to voice that thought as he pushes his mouth onto yours and lovingly shoves his tongue down your throat. The kiss is messy, they always are. However gentle he is, he can never seem to stop himself from kissing you until your face is covered in drool and spit, and if it were anyone else, you’d be mildly repulsed, but you like the way he looks at your mouth after it’s over, so you let it slide. 

You pull away, chest burning and heaving and look at him before you still, eyes drawn to something by his head.

“Baby? What’s wrong?” You don’t answer, gaze still drawn away from him.

“There’s a little white girl staring at me.” He turns his head to the side and laughs as he comes face to face with your cat, her green eyes boring into him. He scratches her head affectionately and lets her headbutt him before your center of gravity is shifting drastically and you’re clinging onto him for dear life.

The bedroom door shuts before you’re very aware of it and suddenly there’s a mattress under your back and a Minho over your front and his hands are up your shirt again, this time shoving it off of you until your chest is bare. You shiver slightly from the cold and then there’s a blanket being shoved around your shoulders and you smile up at him. He knows you so well, he loves you so much and your eyes are welling with tears.

“Aigoo, my little crybaby. It’s just a blanket,” there’s a kiss on each of your cheek bones, “silly thing. Save your tears for when my cock is in you, hmm?” Your breath stutters again and your hands are tugging at his shirt until he takes it off, he laughs again when your hands immediately find his chest.

“I’m glad someone appreciates my hard work.”

“They’re nice boobs.” The sentence catches him off guard, makes him laugh hard enough that he loses his balance a little and his weight settles onto you more. It’s comforting, like a weighted blanket that can talk and walk and kiss you silly.

Then, his hands are under your bottoms, tugging them off your legs and you’re suddenly wearing nothing and he’s still in his pants, which you find disgustingly unfair. You reach down and tug on the hem off his sweats, pouting and huffing until he gets the message and tugs those off too.

“You just want to get me naked,” he starts. “I can’t believe you just want me for my body.” You nod cheekily in response and he smacks your shoulder.

“Yah! See if I’m ever nice to you again!” But he’s kissing your neck again as his hands guide your legs to cross over his hips before he’s touching you in a way that steals the breath from your lungs and makes your head tip back into the pillows.

“There we go. So pretty when you’re like this, hmm? So soft and sweet for me.” His fingers are in you now, pressing insistently against that spot that makes white splash in your vision and reflexively forces your legs shut. He grunts slightly as your thighs squeeze around his hips, pressure just this side of uncomfortable. He doesn’t say anything though, just keeps his pace steady inside you until you’re almost tipping over and he stops. You look at him with something akin to betrayal, fresh tears springing to your eyes, but before you can open your mouth to complain he’s sliding home and you don’t have enough air to say anything anyway.

He catches it though, rolls his eyes as he sees the way your attitude was about to flare up.

“What did I tell you earlier, jagiya? Don’t worry about anything unless I tell you to worry about it. I always take care of you, don’t I?” He does, he’s good to you like that. He sounds slightly out of breath already, unusual for him, but you don’t mind because it feels like you’re seconds away from God’s doorstep yourself.

His pace is slow and deep, bass knock steady even as you squirm under him. If this were a normal situation, he’d stop, hands gripping your hips unforgivingly until you stayed still, but this isn’t a normal situation so he lets you wiggle, only huffing in mild irritation before he leans down to kiss you again.

“You’re gonna knock us off the damn bed, baby.” But he doesn’t make any move to stop you, and you feel too good to really process his words anyway. You love him, you really do, and you’re struck with the overwhelming urge to tell him, to let him know, to make him know. You grip his shoulders tightly, nails digging in until he hisses and levels you with a glare, one that instantly softens when he meets your eyes.

“I love you,” it comes out of you as a sob, like it was wrenched from your vocal chords before you gave yourself permission to think it. “I love you so much.” You’re rambling now, repeating those three words over and over and Minho coos, hips faltering just slightly. He always goes weak when you tell him you love him, and you keep it in your back pocket like a weapon for the times that you’re in trouble.

“I love you, too, jagiya. ‘S that why you’re crying? Hmm? Love me so much it’s gotta spill out from your pretty eyes?” You nod in response, breath hitching from the pleasure and the tears and his hand drifts from its place on your hip to touch you again and you’re spilling liquid heat before you can really register what’s happening. You feel him inside you, too, insides suddenly molten warm but you’re floating too high for it to feel like it’s happening to you, like you’ve been temporarily ejected from your body.

When your soul settles back into your bones, Minho is laying next to you, staring at you with his wide eyes, you look over at him and smile.

“Is boba really worth it?” He looks confused at your question before you poke him on the eyelid and he laughs.

“Feel better?” You consider for a moment. Your teeth don’t feel like they’re too big for their sockets and your bones no longer feel itchy. You’re hungry, but mostly, your mind is quiet. There’s no overwhelming pressure behind your eyes and when you talk your voice cracks from sleep instead of from the force of choking back tears.

“Much. I’m hungry, though.” You give your best impression of puppy eyes at him and watch as his eyes roll to the back of his skull. You’ve been told that your pleading face looks mildly perturbing, but Minho always says you remind him of Soonie when you do it. It makes you feel slightly bad for Soonie, soon the cat isn’t going to be able to get anything off of Minho because you’ll have rendered him immune.

He comes back with your reheated bowl in one hand and your cat in the other.

“She screamed at me until I picked her up. Stood on my feet and hollered.” He winces slightly. “I should’ve put on boxers because she almost mistook my dick for a toy.”

[bugbuzzbugbuzz]

Like I’m. SO unbelievably mad about Zoochosis it’s not even funny. Parasites and diseases have been a special interest of mine since I was a kid and the trailers were so promising.

Also they showed their hand with Doc too fucking early, but that can be attributed to “you needed more than one day” in this game. The twist of him being an evil bastard would’ve worked better if you didn’t immediately show him pulling out the main characters call to a suicide hotline OR him killing the main character for taking too long to sign an NDA. The rush to get to the meat of it ruins any anticipation or tension for the ultimate reveal.

Multiple days would also give you a chance to get attached to the animals, as just naming them doesn’t really do much, yeah they have cutesy names but they don’t have PERSONALITY. Make one of them approach the player for pets, thus making it easier to do check ups on them. Make one of them run from the player forcing you to utilize your tranqs or even have treats to bribe them, giving more reasons to having those tools in the first place. Having them transform on a set timer immediately also kind of sucks because BOTH playthroughs I watched didn’t use the UV light at all, which having multiple days would fix because the transformations would take longer.

They also fucked up with the “human meat” thing. Yeah ohhhh so scary they’re eating people 🙄🙄🙄 it’s been done to actual death at this point and I feel it’d be much more horrifying to use the carcasses of the infected animals creating a never ending cycle if they aren’t truly cured. Feeding infected carcasses to other animals is LITERALLY how mad cow disease started!!!!

It could’ve been a critique on the greed found in some Zoos as well as fake animal rescues, where they claim to help animals but only do it for profit, but instead we got a boring story about some evil guy who???? Feeds a monster for an undisclosed reason the devs probably didn’t fully consider.

“The parasites didn’t attack you because you were infected uwu” LAME!! BORING!!! I don’t care that they didn’t insta kill you but they should at least MAUL you a little!!! Change how the player got the parasite from doc giving it to you to you eating infected food!! Maybe doc even purposefully infected the food!! The game also explained there were some variants of the parasites that would attack and kill any competition! They could still keep their “parasites don’t attack and kill you” thing but limit it! Maybe only the tutorial one doesn’t kill you but the others are the more aggressive kind due to evolution!!

There are so many better ways the parasites could’ve been handled but it feels like the devs truly had no love towards the subject matter? Maybe they did at some point but too many people got involved and the love and care was lost in translation.

It’s just so disappointing as somebody who actually enjoys reading and learning about parasites, fictional or otherwise. We got no real story, lore, or information about them. Would a sequel fix it? Maybe! Only if they cut half the team out of the writing room and focused on actually caring a little about story and lore beyond “discount colonel sanders wants to feed alien mommy”

ALSO HOW CAN YOU HAVE A GAME CALLED ZOOCHOSIS WITHOUT ACTUALLY SHOWING THE ANIMALS SUFFERING FROM ZOOCHOSIS

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓

105 for 🐓:

---

Funny enough, it goes just like it used to. 

“You’re selfish and impulsive and have zero concern about anyone else.”

“You think it’s funny, just disappearing like that? Not answering your phone?”

“You’re not a child anymore, Evan, but you still act like one.”

As a kid, he had cried. As a young teenager, he’d taken pride in their anger. Scorn. Like good, feel something. As an older teen and young adult, he’d fought back. But now, he just stands there in front of him, letting the whole thing wash over him. Like he deserves it. Maybe he does. Deserve it. He didn’t as a kid, but maybe he does now. 

“Sorry,” he eventually mumbles flatly. “I just thought all my moping and sulking wasn’t doing enough to ruin Christmas. Had to figure out a different way to steal Maddie’s attention, you know?”

Instead of seeming embarrassed that he obviously overheard them shit-talking him, they seem enraged that he would bring it up. The lecturing continues. 

“Incredibly shallow and self-centered…”

“...Don’t know how we can ever be expected to have any sort of relationship with someone this vindictive!”

“We have tried!” 

And he understands their meaning. They’re done with trying. The farce is over. They can all stop pretending this has ever intentionally included him. It’s always been about Maddie and access to their grandkids. Maybe that will be a relief, at the end of the day. No more pity invites. No more trying to curl himself into a tighter, more acceptable shape. He can simply be unbothered, alone. 

“Okay,” he says quietly. “I’ll go in the morning, then.”

“We’re not kicking you out,” Margaret sighs. “Don’t make it sound like that’s what we’re doing.”

“Okay,” Buck agrees. “But isn’t that what you want?”

They deny it. But it takes a little too long for them to respond. They have to actually consider. And the thing is, Buck doesn’t. He doesn’t have to wonder at all what the hesitation is. 

“I’ll be out of your hair in the morning,” Buck says, then he turns around and stomps upstairs. 

⬅️

He showers quickly and quietly. He stares at the white bathroom tiles until his eyes hurt. He feels like garbage. Not just body wise. He just feels like garbage. Period. 

He can’t fall asleep right away, so he deals with his flight. The layover will suck, and he won’t get home until the middle of the day on Christmas, but whatever. He changes it. He’d rather be alone than here. And, maybe… Maybe Bobby’s offer still stands. 

Eventually, he puts the phone away, but he still can’t sleep. He finds himself crying. Even though he feels sort of dehydrated and like crying is probably unadvisable. 

He thought he was being quiet, but apparently not so much. Because around three, there’s a soft knock on his door. At first, his instinct is to fake sleep. To avoid his parents at all costs. But he’s not a kid anymore. They’re not going to check on him or tell him to sleep. So that leaves only one realistic option.

The door cracks open.

“Buck?” Maddie says quietly. 

Buck sits up in bed but doesn’t even bother turning on the light. He can picture her easily. Standing there in pink, snowflake print pajamas, the beginnings of a baby bump concealed by the loose fabric, worried expression on her face. 

“I’m fine,” Buck rasps, lying. 

“Well, we can hear you crying, so…”

Buck groans. “Sorry.”

“Not the person whose crying I expected to wake me,” Maddie admits. She walks over and sits on the edge of Buck’s bed. “But it’s okay. Hard to get back to sleep after Mom and Dad’s yelling, anyway.”

Buck doesn’t say anything. She heard it all then.

“I’m sorry,” Maddie says. “I wanted to keep an eye on you over the holidays, but this… This just made everything worse.”

“I’m an adult, Maddie. I could have said no.”

He did, after all, have a warning and another option.

“I should have…” Maddie struggles. “I don’t know. Prevented this.”

“I overheard what they said to you and Chim,” Buck says. “I can’t win, Maddie. I didn’t do anything. So it doesn’t really matter.”

“You’re not really leaving are you?” She asks.

“Already changed my flight,” Buck explains. 

“I’m sorry,” Maddie says again. 

Buck sighs. “Maddie, I knew what I was doing when I came here.���

“What does that mean?” She asks.

“It means… It means I knew they only invited me, through you, because they wanted you to come. It means I know they don’t like me, and don’t really love me,” Buck says. “Or, maybe they do… But, they really don’t like who I am. They try, but they don’t. And it’s… I guess it’s the confirmation I was looking for.”

“Of what?” Maddie asks. 

“That I’m not really what anyone wants around. Not for long.”

[dathen]

Hmmmm I have a lot of Thoughts on Catherine Moreland as an autistic character.

It’s clear right from the start that her special interest is gothic novels and she hyperfixates on them: she’s practically in pain that she can’t talk about them in regular conversation or that those she can talk to don’t care as much as she does. The earliest contrast between John Thorpe and Henry Tilney is that the former ridicules her for her interest and the latter celebrates it and even playfully competes for obsession level. She GLOWS when this happens and we actually get to see her socialize outside of anxiety and self-doubt. She has dozens of deeply relatable “just like blorbos from my novels…” moments.

Most of all though is her social interactions. Her completely missing instances of flirting alternates between relatably funny and sad. Early on she’s constantly confused by the Thorpes’ blatant insincerity, partly because of trying to extend good faith, but largely because she interprets it so literally. I loved the scene where John Thorpe is going off about how the other carriage sucks so much compared to his, it will probably fall apart any minute, and she panics about the others getting hurt and tries to get him to turn around to help them. It’s a brand of naivety that is less childish than it is “unscarred neurodivergent person who isn’t used to people constantly saying shit they don’t mean and expecting you to figure it out.” It’s sad when she slowly learns to distrust the literal because of how many times they’ve abused her goodwill.

She also gets what feels like RSD whenever she steps out of line; it’s the end of the world if she praises something that someone else puts down, or if she disappoints someone, and smothers herself in shame for what others would do without a thought.

At the same time, I’m reminded of like Dungeon Messi’s compassion for an autistic protag in that realm, both for the struggles and values of it. Her bluntness, sincerity, and goodwill is what breaks through Henry’s cynicism and makes him fall in love with her. She never learned to play the insincere game that even her family friends like Mrs. Allen are caught up in, and that earns her a trust that is worth being cut off by his father for.

These lines sum it up so well:

“Prepare for your sister-in-law, Eleanor, and such a sister-in-law as you must delight in! Open, candid, artless, guileless, with affections strong and simple, forming no pretensions, and knowing no disguise.”

“Such a sister-in-law, Henry, I should delight in,” said Eleanor.

BOTH Tilney children love her deeply because she’s everything they’re deprived of in their oppressive home life. They value all of these traits that make it hard for her to socially navigate her world. And even as she gets more world-wary and experienced herself, that never changes. (And this practical-proposal goes completely over her head as being about her ghskfjkdjf bless)

[rinski]

SH2R Review

I don't usually do this, but we live in extraordinary times and I have Opinions.

So here is my review of the new Silent Hill 2 Remake. (tl;dr: when it's not bad it's... good? kinda?)

If you go into this game holding up the original and looking for all the ways the remake falls short, like that Bobvids reaction video, you will have no shortage of material to work with. The remake is inconsistent and I legitimately do not understand what they were attempting to achieve with some of the changes they made. This game is incredibly easy to make into something profoundly disappointing if that’s what you want to do. Like Bobvids points out, almost all of the most iconic or emotionally-powerful scenes from the original were fumbled. Not like “they tried to do something different and it didn’t quite work,” no no, no: They were fumbled. They dropped the ball and it shattered like glass upon impact. It's ironic: The game has what it calls "Glimpses of the Past," which are little shrines to iconic scenes and objects from the original game, with their own bespoke camera angle and a little jingle, but then they somehow manage to fail at preserving the scenes people care about most.

If you're reading this, we have both probably been passionate about this game and franchise for a huge chunk (if not the majority) of our lives on this dumb planet, and seeing someone botch something we’ve managed to hold precious for so long can be very painful to watch. 

But there’s also a lot to legitimately like about this game that using that lens will obfuscate. And I’m generally of the mind that we should try to scavenge for whatever joy we can find, wherever and whenever we can, because the world fucking sucks in general. And besides, it’s not like we haven’t had to endure other SH games over the years that ran the gamut from “aggressively mid” to “well at least it’s funny in a bad b-movie kinda way.” I think the best way to enjoy this game is to go in with the assumption that basically everything you care deeply about is going to be butchered in some way, so that you won't be hyper-focusing on those mistakes when the game actually manages to do something good. By all means jeer and throw popcorn at the screen whenever they mess something up—that's a lot of fun too!—but don't let the bad completely shadow the good, especially if it's only bumming you out.

To be clear: I'm not arguing that anyone should buy the game. Other people already have, and their playthroughs are free to watch.

The game is overly long, which leads to some pacing problems. They fill up some of the extra space with places and story beats that feel on point, but a lot of it is filler with only the faintest, somewhat-sour Silent Hill flavor. They do some interesting new things with the combat and enemy AI, but that also gets old quickly because combat is more mandatory, more frequent, and there's only like 3 different enemies in total.

The characters are all different enough that I think comparing them to the originals is just going to make everyone sad. I do not love most of the new takes on the characters. But I also do not hate most of them. At times, they’re even surprisingly good. 

I like the new James most of the time. He's different, sure, but he feels more like a pathetic worm man hiding behind a facade that he's only barely able to maintain. His voice cracks with exertion and desperation as he kicks downed enemies, and after he hears a spooky noise he asks a wavering, "hello?" There are times where his facial acting is incredibly well done and there are times where he basically doesn't react at all, like his "k bye" exit from Angela's final scene that's worse than if they'd just teleported you to the next room with no transition.

The first two Eddie encounters made me roll my eyes, because he feels like a caricature of the original. They made him look and act a lot grosser in the remake, like they imported the original into a character creator and pushed all the middle sliders to one extreme or another. But despite nothing about his design or initial characterization saying “this was made by someone who appreciates subtlety and nuance” he still managed to have some legitimately subtle and nuanced character moments that are their own thing, separate from the original version. When James asks him, "You're gonna go out there alone?" and he gives that slight smile and a distant, barely audible "yeh"? That's good shit.

I think my hottest take is that the new Angela is Good, Actually. I love the original Angela. I think she was perfect. This is not her. Trying to draw any comparisons between the two is a shortcut to feeling depressed and disappointed. There are several interactions with her that actually hewed too close to the original version, which didn’t work *specifically* due to these changes. And her finale is nowhere near as good. Despite all that, I like the new take. She stands on her own as a different (but obviously similar) character. I like her new VA, I like her new scenes, and the new Abstract Daddy boss fight is, I think, the absolute highest point the remake manages to hit. 

Maria is the one character where I legitimately don’t understand what they were going for. Even putting the original aside and letting the new Maria be her own thing… what… *is* that thing, exactly? To start, she’s barely in the game at all—she's absent during many of the scenes she was present for in the original. When she does interact with James, she’s so inconsistent that I can’t get a sense of what they intended her character to be. Hot, cold, charming, socially awkward—in any case it definitely doesn’t seem like they intended her to be “the Mary James fantasized about,” so then… what *is* she? James and new Maria’s overall vibe is “people who only barely tolerate each other because they have a shared friend group." In fact, one of the better interactions between Maria and James is the lead ring scene, where instead of being flirtatious, James dejectedly accepts the ring with a flat, “Oh… thanks...” like she just spat in his hand. So ok fine, they don't like each other this time around. But in the finale she still claims to be able to provide James with everything Mary couldn't, which... no? I don't get what she's attempting to provide, but whatever it is, James certainly doesn't seem into it.

Overall, the environments and music were amazing and on-point, but there were also times where neither was true. The non-otherworld hospital in particular struck me as generic to the point where I’d believe it was made from asset store prefabs. And the newer version of Promise (Reprise) that plays after the video tape is… weirdly up-tempo? Like, to the point where it undermines the tone of the scene (don't worry, it wasn't great anyway). 

Look: being a SH fan has been tough for *multiple decades* now. And I have no love for Bloober Team. They most certainly did not stick the landing here, and even if they did, I would be reluctant to give them credit for it.

I understand feeling passionate about the original. *I* feel passionate about the original. I understand how someone could experience this remake while hating every second of it. I believe I understand how Bobvids feels too, because he’s objectively correct: The remake does not treat any of your most precious memories with care.

And that’s why I wanted to write this. Because it’s very easy to view this game through a lens where it sucks shit, is disappointing, ruins your enjoyment of the original, and spells doom for the future. This game provides a scenic vista full of eye-catching trash fires where all the famous landmarks should be. But if you choose to look elsewhere, away from all the hot garbage, there’s a lot to see that’s perfectly fine or even beautiful. And it makes me sad to imagine all that going ignored because the trash fires burn too brightly.

And also: trash fires can be fun too, right? When they're not bumming you out, at least. Given the choice between "mid" and "trash fire," I'd choose the latter every time.

Silent Hill 2 came out in 2001. Since then we’ve had SH3 in 2003, SH4 in 2004, Origins in 2007, Homecoming in 2008, Shattered Memories in 2009, Downpour in 2012, PT in 2014, and, most recently, Short Message and Ascension. 

We have been scrounging for food and sustaining ourselves on dumpster crumbs for a very, very long time. So let’s not throw away this opportunity to eat a bite or two just because the chef is a piece of shit and the food is partially spoiled: A lot of what’s on offer is perfectly edible. It’s not the best food, no, but we're already used to picking through garbage for a few savory morsels. And within that context, SH2R is a smorgasbord for anyone willing to eat around the moldy bits. 

I recommend we eat what we can, while we can, because we're not likely to get a better meal any time soon.

[razorblade180]

Names

Furina:Aether, we need to have a very important conversation. Promise you’ll take this seriously.

Aether:….I know we’re both over 500 but I’m not in the mindset of a family besides finding my sister.

Furina:Not the conversation I wanted in the slightest! I just gained my freedom in case you forgot. I just wanted to discuss cute little names for one another.

Aether:*scrunches face*

Furina:What!? Why that face!?

Aether:Never really was a fun of that sort of thing.

Furina:Said the man who accepts titles like they’re going on sale.

Aether:You know…

Furina:I’m not calling you “Executioner”

Aether:Then what’s the point of any of this!? It’s so cool.

Furina:I told you to be serious!

Aether:May I ask what brought this on?

Furina:*red* I just…think they’re neat. It’s only natural that people who are close to one another to give names that show the affection.

Aether:….

Furina:Is this you silently judging me?

Aether:No I’m just fighting tooth decay. Your answer was unexpectedly sweet. Still, I’m not really good at these sort of things.

Furina:That’s because you’re an overthinking. Surely you’ve known me long enough to have something to describe my magnificence.

Aether:Furina if I’m being honest, if I had to compare you to anything it would either be those floppy ear bunnies that get angry sometimes, or an emotional kitten.

Furina:Please never say that second one again.

Aether:What’s wrong with kit- okay I see. Told you I suck at this! Why don’t you just go force and tell me what you have in mind.

Furina:…

Aether:You haven’t the slightest idea.

Furina:I thought maybe we could workshop or something!? Cut me some slack. I typically shorten names but yours feels weird. Plus that would be boring.

Aether:We’ll what do you typically want to call me?

Furina: What, besides “mine?”

Aether:….

Aether:You’re going to make kitten stick if you keep talking like that.

Furina:*red* Nooooo! Focus Aether! We don’t have to commit to anything right now. Just spitball.

Aether:Despite the fact you constantly smell like a pastry mixed with rose water, I’m not about to call you a long winded dessert or something as dull as cupcake.

Furina:First of all, my shampoo is daisies and not rose water. Second, I appreciate you noticed I smell nice. Third, cupcake is wonderful but taken by Clorinde.

Aether:Who calls her cupcake?

Furina:I’ve…said to much. Dismiss that from your memory.

Aether:…Tweetie. I like your singing. You’re like a free songbird.

Furina:That’s not a bad attempt.

Aether:It’s funny how nicely you said that while obviously rejecting that.

Furina:*smiles* I am a woman of many talents. We should probably call it here. No need to force these things. I only wanted to bring attention to it. Rest assured that I will put the utmost care in whatever my heart chooses.

Aether:Seriously, it could just be my name.

Furina:Awww, is someone embarrassed about this sorta thing? You are surprisingly introverted despite all of your achievements.

Aether:You’re one to talk.

Furina:Hehe, true enough. *hugs him* I suppose “Aether” is as glorious as any other name. I’ll admit that I personally enjoy how it sounds.

Aether:*flustered* I swear, where do you get your energy?

[Sometime later]

Navia:Have anything planned after this?

Furina:Not really. I should probably run through some lines after this tea party but I don’t actually feel up to it. Maybe a nap or-

Aether:*walks by*

Navia:Oh! Hi Aether!

Aether:*turns head* Hmm? Oh hi Navia. *looks at Furina*…..

Furina:??? What’s with the silent gaze? Is there something on my face?

Aether:*red* N-No. I was surprised to see you is all, Sugar Cube.

If a ghost were to sneeze right now, everyone would hear it. Navia’s eyes widened as she let out the smallest of gasps and saw Furina’s mind come to a screeching halt while her face became every color of red. The actress slowly put down her tea, stood up, and dragged Aether by the hand around the corner.

Furina:I’ll be right back Navia.

Navia:(Where is Clorinde and Charlotte when I need them!? I have to talk about this with someone!)

Aether:W-Was that bad?

Furina:*grabs scarf* No no no. It was simple, realistic even. Not to mention cute. However… you were absolutely right about the embarrassment. I don’t think my soul can handle that! Just call me Furina.

Aether:I wanted to do that from the start! I said that in front of people!

Furina:I’m sorry!! I thought I was strong about this but I was horribly wrong!!!!

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 7

chapter 12:

1. LILY EVANS MENTION!!!!!

2. god i’m so worried about what’s gonna happen to wolfstar when the games are over. they deserve a lifetime together

3. the snake, jesus christ. i’d flip off the game makers too

4. crimson rivers and just lovers peter >>>>>>>

5. god, peter is so sensible and reasonable and i love him so much

6. 😧 the avery spider. what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

7. james, darling, love, stop telling all the people you like the location of the cave. you cannot save everyone. their death will be inevitable. you’re going to hurt your soul like this

8. “Frankly, Regulus looks like he's been through Hell. He's absolutely gorgeous.” jesus christ. and with a knife pressed to his throat. he is NOT toning down his horny rn

9. “"You're hesitating, love."” FUCK YEAH THE FAMOUS LINE

10. 😧😳😳 not the bondage joke james makes at reg. holy shit- no chill

11. james had a knife to his throat twice in this chapter. he is living the high life

chapter 13:

1. “James has always been that infuriating mixture of wonderful and stupid, for as long as Regulus can remember.” yes, that is how i’d describe him

2. 😐 my dear james, what the fuck. why are you nervously beatboxing

3. oh god, they’re gonna have to kill the deer to eat. james is NOT gonna like this

4. regulus does NOT give a fuck about the deer. he only doesn’t kill them cause he’s softhearted for james

5. “He tilts his head up to the sky, like he's looking directly at Sirius with an expression that clearly states: are you seeing this shit?” LMAO

6. (james describing his feelings for sirius) “Well, for one thing, what we have is special and goes beyond the bounds of romance, reaching unfathomable lengths that no one can understand but us, so jot that down,"” LMAO but also yes. absolutely right

7. 😧😧 jaw open. shocked. sobbing. reg agrees that in a different lifetime, him and james would probably be dating

8. 😭😭😭 james getting excited about if in a different life he married reg because that would make him sirius’ brother in law

9. “"Your ability to find things to be happy about, even in the middle of literal life or death fucking astounds me."” so true. but also. like. i understand james. me and james have got this connection. i understand him.

10. 😏 they’re gonna share a blankie

11. HANDCUFFS?????

12. "”Mum, Dad, look away, I'm having impure thoughts," James announces, gasping theatrically as he presses the back of his hand to his forehead. "Oh, the shame."” LMAO HES SO FUNNY

13. god, i miss james’ glasses too, reg

14. i’ve always wondered if the capital/hallow would show if tributes had sex in the arena. like, would they show it? like morally, they let people kill one another, so would they have anything morally against showing two people having sex in the arena??

15. god, they’re gonna be so mentally fucked up when they leave this arena

16. “Dorcas vividly remembers being very sure that the 'McKinnon girl' was about to die, only to be stunned when that 'McKinnon girl' shoved someone twice her size right into the fire and warmed herself up while they burned.” 😧 no wonder the past haunts marlene so bad. jesus fucking christ

17. god i love dorcas. she has no excuses for the other hallows. she’s like, i grew up and realized it was wrong. that’s all it took. the rest of them should have grown up as well

18. 😳😳 dorcas says she likes it rough

19. 😳 oh shit wait i think they’re actually gonna fuck

20. DORLENE <333333333333333

21. oh damn. the secret codes and sharing of messages to relay info. like gid and fab’s death

22. god, not dorcas lying about gid and fab’s death. i understand 100% but jesus. it sucks

[talenlee]

Naming Rights in Transformers

There are a lot of Transformers. There are so many Transformers that to make this list I limited myself in three major ways for this article and even then it still took me twenty minutes to just read through a list of the actual Transformers by name. When you have a demand to make a lot of Transformers, you have a lot of lot of demand for the things that make up those Transformers. That means colour schemes (you can generate these in bulk, these days), moulds (that get reused), background lore (which is bordering on the nearest thing to pre-LLM generative text), and names.

Names are hard.

Names are really hard when you have to generate hundreds of them, within the same genre, and without overlapping directly with one another. If you have a character called Sunstrike you probably don’t get the name Sunstreak and then Sunstreaker without a good reason, or unless you know you’re going deep in the well.

What’s more, with the long history of Transformers, see, italicising that one because it’s talking about the franchise not any individual toy, what a weird thing, anyway, there are some names that have been used and reused because (in my opinion) they’re pretty good, and there are also a lot of names that are uhm, bad.

Wanna see some?

Now, to make this list of good names and bad names, I set some rules. First of all, just to give myself a manageable number of characters to consider, I limited myself to the category we call Gen 1. That has some oddballs — like, Rung is a G1 character whose first appearance was in 2010 — but it’s still a first net to catch things in. Second, I avoided all the names that never appeared in English. Uncle Robo is a funny name, but it’s a name from Japanese series, and complaining about people who aren’t primarily speaking English using English in ways that are funny to us feels like both low hanging fruit and also kinda assholey. Third, I limited myself to actual Transformers, not aliens or humans or other, and fourth, to get on the list here they had to have a toy.

Good with that? Okay here we go, presented in a random order because who could rank these.

Heave

A name has to carry with it some element of what the character is and how the character behaves. You want the name to be an association and resonance with the character’s behaviour and mindset, which means it should be a word that, say, that character might use. In this case, Heave is a name that’s great for say, a heavy lifting hard brawling straightforward plain thinking kinda brute who perhaps you could imply drinks until he vomits, even if that’s not possible for Transformers.

Heave is an astronomer, he’s shy, and he’s easily bullied by other people because he’s never prepared for battles. Also, his name sounds like throwing up.

Nosecone

A nosecone is a specific thing, in the real world. It’s the tip of an aerodynamic design, usually a rocket. Planes also have nosecones, and so do bullets. Nosecone as a character is a mega nerd, a member of the Technobots, who deliberately takes his time thinking through every possibility, every little detail he can in the context of a plan or design. Despite being named after the fastest point on the fastest objects, Nosecone is notably deliberate in his actions.

Nosecone turns into a drill.

Hubs

This is one of those corner cases because Hubs isn’t an inherently bad name per se. Hub isn’t either — like I can see a character called Hub whose whole thing is being a communication network. But no, Hubs is a muscle car and he turns into a muscle car that’s meant to make sure he comes across as both young and energetic. To represent that, he’s named after maybe hubcaps, abbreviated?

It’s a rough name choice because it feels incomplete, especially when there’s another Transformer called Hubcap.

Flattop

This one sucks because Flattop is an incredibly cool toy. Flattop turns into a little jet, and he comes with a little aircraft carrier he can land on. That’s rad as hell. Then when you transform Flattop into a little dude, Flattop’s transport turns into a bigger plane that he can sit in and fly around, and that’s cool.

Thing is, a flattop is a haircut. It’s a haircut that sucks and makes you look like, at best, TV-series era Drew Carey and at worst, a Dick Tracey villain. And further irritating this name, Flattop is the name that should clearly belong to the transport not the actual jet!

Detectas

Alright, this is a bit of a niche pick, because Detectas’ name is originally a Japanese name. It’s completely reasonable that a Japanese speaker might pick this name without knowing it sounds silly to just take ‘word’-us and make that into a character’s identity. Especially because in the context of English, ‘detectas’ makes it sound like you detect, not that you avoid being detected.

But this is the name the character has in English as well, thanks to Ask Vector Prime and supplementary material, which I think makes this a valid name under my protocols.

Six-Gun

Six gun has Six Guns. He is made up of six guns, stuck together, that come from another Transformer. To get a Six-Gun you had to buy the 1986 Metroplex toy, which, complete to guarantee you have all of Six-Gun’s parts, will set you back a cool $750ish not counting shipping.

Six Guns is a subordinate mind for Metroplex – he’s basically a kind of micro-version of Metroplex, except as someone who imagines a way to approach the world as a thing you point guns at. Six-Gun is a marginal name here in that I think the name is too obvious to be good, but also the character it paints is much more of a cowboy kinda dude, and not… well, a guy made up of six guns.

Wide Load

There are a few names that are two-parters like this, with a space between them and a bunch of them are fun examples of names that while not good are definitely funny. For example, Grand Slam (can I buy pancakes off you), Sky High (can I buy weed off you), and Big Daddy (can you buy me weed and pancakes)?

But Wide Load is a dump truck who — yeah that kinda machinery has to wear signs saying ‘Wide Load.’ But Wide Load is also a term that’s used, overwhelmingly, to just insult fat people.

Maybe when society has moved on, we can have our fat king Wide Load. I just… wouldn’t do it. And the toy has a real ‘first idea’ design.

Powerglide

I’ve spoken about Powerglide in the past, and yep, that’s a name. It sounds like a lubricant. Oh well moving on. It’s not like these names are going to typically be wet sounding.

Gusher

Oh come on. Alright, dude’s name is Gusher. He transforms into a backhoe truck. No, not a tanker, that’s his friend Pipeline, the Tanker. They combine together as a Tanker-Backhoe, you know that kind of vehicle that definitely exists and people have seen all over the place.

Gusher feels like a character created five minutes before knock-off time. None of what’s here makes sense, the name was probably picked out of a list of ‘related’ words and then the personality of a debate bro were pasted together from those parts.

Mixmaster

Mixmaster is one of the Constructicons, and I’ve written about them in the past. A self-styled genius, Mixmaster’s name is notable for being both out of type for most of the Constructicons, but also makes it sound like the main thing about this character is that he works bar.

There are niche names too, where okay, this is kinda silly but in the greater context it has something that makes it work, names like Squeezeplay, Pincher, Sledge, Erector, Brunt, Missile Master, or Ground Hog. None of these are in my opinion good names, but the thing about them that makes them funny is something that also makes sense from a different perspective, like how an erector is a well-used term for a type of crane elsewhere, and a squeeze play is a thing talked about in American football. These are names that have some odd applications.

Originally when I started this article I had the plan to present a list of ten really great, iconic names that hold up over time and then contrast that with ten of the worst. This quickly became cumbersome, not just because it was a list of twenty things, but also, the ‘good’ names that have endured are sometimes pretty deeply obvious. Megatron, Optimus Prime, Jazz, Grimlock, Swindle, Starscream, Soundwave, Bumblebee, and that’s eight to start with. There are a bunch of great names already in play and some of them aren’t even being reused — nobody’s going to wear names like Vortex or Cosmos or Brawl better than the originals just because those names carry their vibes really well. I’m always going to love Beachcomber and Blades, too, those names that stand out to me as carrying their character perfectly.

The alternative, the well of wow, that’s embarrrassing? It’s kinda bottomless.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[crguang]

ok, so, I wasn’t sleeping bc I probably just have insomnia, possibly my depression, and also I’d just moved in to my dorm and I suck at sleeping in new places, lol, dw tho I slept for like most of the weekend and I’ve been sleeping regularly this week.

I honestly forgot that we don’t actually know wtf the stellaron hunters are actually doing , line they literally could just be lying abt everything. Actually none of them even say anything except Kafka , blade has his own thing going on, silver wolf is usually behind the scenes fucking around and firefly just didn’t say a thing , like come on, TB didn’t even think to ask anything, there was that dreamscape pass thing of whatever it’s called and the quote from 2.3 is like “Once, we dreamed of being strangers.Upon waking up, we realized we had always loved each other.” Which I assume is abt TB and firefly, and I do kind of wish we got some more stuff about TB’s past with the stellaron hunters, especially since firefly was so important, but it’s whatever. I am actually kind of interested in the script, what Elio tells them to say, and the stuff they’re just making up as they go. Especially since firefly’s script for penacony was just a few words (also firefly said she was part of the iris family the acting/performing one bc she carries out scripts). And Kafka was told was to tell TB during her interrogation abt what they’re doing on the Luofu, but I’m not sure if she’s just lying after that 😭Kafka has some explaining to do when she comes back very soon, in the main story.

hsjajsmskdmnx the arrests on the Luofu are so silly tho, especially since jing yuan pardoned her so she’s not technically wanted there anymore BUT I STILL WANT HER even tho she’s literally worth almost 11 billion by the IPC. The IPC stuff kind of bothers me tbh, they’re not the government, but also they’ve got a fair amount of authority, I feel like pardoning the stellaron hunters wouldn’t be allowed, like I don’t understand how Jing yuan did that without getting in trouble 😭 especially with the most wanted one. And topaz APPARENTLY doesn’t know who the stellaron hunters are, in her voice line abt them she said she didn’t know who they were but they had a good credit score ITS KAFKAS CREDIT SCORE SHES THE ONE W THE CARD and like it’s funny bc that means Kafka registered it under her actually name, and no one cares. Like it would’ve been funnier if she said like the wanted criminals, the ones who blah blah blah, but they have a good credit score. And jade knew exactly abt firefly and the other stellarom hunters, and even tho they’re different ranks topaz should know them. Especially considering the fact that they’re pretty infamous, ig I shouldn’t be nitpicking especially since march literally says when in Rome one time, but whatever.

sorry for ranting 😭 hope you’re doing ok!

-🌠

hope you’re doing a bit better!! insomnia is a bitch, make sure to take care of yourself as much as u can <3

i totally agree with you on the stellaron hunters not revealing anything, i dont really expect them to since we’re still quite early in the game timeline wise but it’s a bit disappointing for the TB to have gotten close to firefly and she never alluded to them knowing each other before, especially when the game’s marketing was pushing romantic implications between them😭 and the trailblazer’s “idgaf” mentality is a bit annoying because i get wanting to move forward and not wanting to be burdened by the past but not being curious at all is… weird. even march, who was repeatedly told not to look into her past, got upset about it at some point. and in the TB’s case, their connection with the stellaron hunters is actively shaping their present/future, so it’s not like they gain nothing from asking a few questions. kafka was the one who encouraged them to get some information from her when they were alone by playing truth or lie, like they don’t care😭 it’s annoying cause i wanna knowwww. a big missed opportunity with firefly imo, we could’ve gotten a pattern of learning a little bit about the trailblazer on every planet they stop by and it’d have been nice. instead all i get is trashcan and raccoon jokes like oh brother are we 8. i wonder what the script actually says, the SH says he always tells the right future but from what we know , it feels super vague. “experiencing 3 deaths” “finding the stellaron in a non-physical way” is not precise at all like how do they even carry those orders😭 no wonder they have liberty to do lots of stuff during missions, there’s barely anything in the damn script

about jing yuan, he’s general of the luofu and the xianzhou has its own regulations and criminal law, the ipc has no control over how they treat their prisoners and their bounties dont really matter to the xianzhou unless they want the money LMFAO, so the ipc has no jurisdiction to punish jing yuan for letting the SH get away. not to mention that the alliance and the ipc have trade agreements and stuff, so their relationship would be damaged and the ipc wouldnt benefit from that. at the end of the day they’re a corporation, they don’t really care for justice.

what bothers me is TOPAZ. IT MAKES NO SENSE. she’s a stoneheart in the same division as jade, sure jade is more cunning and always looking for opportunities to make profits but not knowing them at all is so ridiculous and unrealistic fr. they’ve broken into pier point like twice and that’s her place of work😭😭😭😭😭😭 no way she never heard anything about it to not form an opinion on them. i feel like giving her a voiceline about them was just for the credit score joke which also makes zero sense because why would any of them pay taxes to the corporation that wants them dead or imprisoned. how would the ipc even know which credit card is theirs and why are they doing nothing about it like its so stupid… herta froze all of silver wolf’s accounts cause she was feeling petty but youre telling me the ipc is monitoring their credit scores?.. like im not going to lie i dont take the ipc seriously at all. silver wolf was literally participating in a tournament they sponsored and they just let her compete. like that girl was on the big screen with people cheering her on… for a company that would benefits from civilians fearing/hating the SH, they really dont give a fuck. once again it lowers the stakes and makes the story less exciting for me, and in general it’s inconsistent and weird narration wise to approach heavy themes while simultaneously making a joke of everything. if that makes sense 😭 like the tonal shifts are always very harsh and out of place, it’s one of the things i hate the most about hsr. having the trailblazer crack a stupid joke when everyone’s super serious (which often gets them ignored by dan heng or makes march’s face turn unimpressed, or has her tell them now isnt the time) is starting to annoy me like we get it they’re dumb as rocks omg. when cocolia died at the end of the belobog mission and march’s first words were “well! what an adventure!” in front of bronya hello?!? having no tact in actual serious situations isnt endearing to me like u can just keep ur mouth shut atp

anyway sorry i ranted i guess i needed that off my chest HDJFKFKG

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

ok this time there ARE barbie spoilers but it’s just the things i didn’t like so feel free to ignore this if you had fun and don’t want me ruining anything! like seriously, i do not want to make anyone upset here because of how positive the fandom vibes are. i just wanna y’know, air out some dirty laundry i have with what i just witnessed

as a disclaimer i’ve only seen it once and it ended like 40 minutes ago LMAO forgive me for any name mistakes i suck with those

- ken never got closure and i get what they were going for, just having a bunch of guys repeat “ken is me” over and over isn’t cutting it. felt this way with the “hi barbie” intro. like yes, i get what it aims to accomplish, but god does it get grating

- SOME of the fourth wall breaks were good. most were not. weird barbie and all the discontinued barbies were funny, and the drinking water gag was great. but the narrator stuff was WAY too prevalent and i get that it’s camp, but it was a tad too much at times. i’m torn on the margot line because it wasn’t necessarily bad, i just think it ruined the moment a little

- SO MANY UNFINISHED PLOTLINES OH MY GOD. you’re telling me the travel montage was all it took for gloria and sasha to bond and fix their issues? we saw their conflict through barbie’s memory link, it was never elaborated on. not once. suddenly by the end they’re getting along. the same could be about weird barbie? she always embraced the weirdness so the apology and “un-outcasting” felt off because a) it seemed like she was secluded by her own will and b) the barbies were never necessarily mean to her, they just acknowledged she’s different? which she knew and was okay with and self aware of? idk i guess an apology is fair, but the way it was delivered implied a deeper conflict we never saw

- mattel boardroom. enough said. i get will ferrell probably has a contracted screentime for funny gimmicks but it was so grating and a waste of time

- in a similar vein, all the travel montages combined probably take up as much time as the real-world scenes. for a movie that advertised barbie in the real world at a seeming first glance, that basically never happened LOL maybe that’s on me for having expectations though

- listen, LISTEN. i know there’s a lot of conflict right now with the “boo forced feminism” propaganda spreading around and i swear on god that isn’t me. HOWEVER. i do think that the way they went about resetting free will and that super long montage from gloria was not handled as well as it should have been. do i agree with everything said in the speech she gave? abso fuckin lutely. but remember, SHOW not TELL. they created this brainwashing plot device only to immediately dismantle it with one #girlboss speech which imo, undermines the very point the monologue was trying to make. i just wish they did more actual empowerment and not cheap exposition via a shenanigans montage and a third party speaker reciting a well constructed feminist rant which was just… INSERTED into a feel-good scene. i was hoping for something more organic but that’s just me. like, the barbie feeling self conscious was on the nose, but it did its thing. it’s camp i expected that. by this point in the film however, i expected more

- last thing for now: the plot was just a mess i’m sorry. the beginning was slow and expositional sure i get it, maybe it dragged a little too long when you consider everything else they tried to shove into the runtime, but for a typical film that would be a decent portion of establishing a plot. the real world segment? god, so many open doors, most of them were ignored. 99% of the real world was gimmicks and throwaway lines. the bench scene was the shining gem in that pacing dumpster. mattel plot we already know i don’t like, minus the ruth part. i have a lot of thoughts on ken patriarchy that i don’t have time or effort to unpack right now, but it was funny. and then it went on way too long and became annoying but not in the good way, in the “i get this is camp but it feels stupid” way. gosling killed that musical number but for a film about barbie, that was a hella long ken segment. like, this was a ken movie with barbie having existential dread in the background. then a bunch of magical fixits happen and suddenly all conflicts are resolved through magical means and cheap jokes and imaginary character development!!! oh but they gave barbie a pussy we unironically stan that for her (i’m serious lol like i think the joke was such a lame way to end the film but it’s funny enough to say that this whole film all barbie wanted was gender affirming surgery. i’ll allow it for sheer comedic purposes)

TLDR: i have many many complaints but i don’t think the movie is bad. it’s just fun, not particularly good all around. IT HAS GOOD MOMENTS!!! I AM NOT DENYING THERE IS SOME QUALITY HERE! i just think its hit or miss and while not every film has to be a feminist manifesto, i think all the hype and expectations definitely oversold the actual film i just witnessed because it was not particularly good. but it’s fun! and it’s okay to just enjoy that, this is my initial impression but maybe i’ll grow to like it more. just wanted to put this out here in case someone else feels the same way and doesn’t want to take the fall for finding it mid

[zehecatl]

happy steam sale to all, here’s a 'little’ rec list for (primarily) indie games that, in my opinion, isn’t as popular as they deserve to be!

Ghostwire: Tokyo -60% the only triple a game you’ll see on this list, and my own all time personal favourite. if you like anime, japanese history and folklore, and bromance, you will very likely love this game. it also lets you explore Tokyo and pet the dogs! and cats! literally perfect game!!

Iconoclasts -70% i have been shilling this game, at every major steam sale, for pretty much four-five years. before Ghostwire, it was my all time favourite video game. it was in development, by one person, for around eight years. it is still, in my opinion, one of the most gorgeous pieces of pixel art in the whole damn medium. just. please check it out i beg

Angels of Death -40% rpgmaker game that absolutely excels at being a character driven story. it also got an anime adaptation? which i’ve actually never seen?? but if you grew up playing horror rpgmaker games, please do yourself a favour, and check this out. and if you didn’t- check it out anyway! it’s not super scary or anything, with a more psychological horror focus

Owlboy -65% tiny owl boy does his very best and will worm his way into your heart and then crush it because life is maybe a bit too cruel to him. also you can fly! did i mention you can fly??

Pony Island + The Hex -80% did you adore Inscryption? did you like the meta element? then oh boy, should you check out Daniel Mullins’ two former games! they’re good! probably has the same vibe as Inscryption! could not tell you i still have not played that thing! but these are both very good, and absolutely worth every cent

Underhero -70% it’s a bit rough around the edges, but man, this game has so much love put into it, and i think it deserves way more love than it got

My Friend Pedro -75% the action is definitely the high point here, but i have a personal soft spot for the lil’ bit of lore we do get. like, there is something there, and i want to dig my fingers in. also wacky banana is funny

Sayonara Wild Hearts -40% queer girls on motorcycles? in my rhythm game?? it’s more likely than you think!! (also, if you suck at rhythm games: me too, this is still worth picking up)

MO:Astray -50% the fact that seemingly no one on tumblr has played this... despite the fact that it feels like it’d be a right shoe in... criminal. there is a little CREACHUR! LOOK AT IT. IT IS A SLIME!!

The Messenger -75% i legit thought this game was way more popular than it, apparently, is, which i think just speaks volume of my opinion on it. it’s genuinely right up there with Shovel Knight as iconic retro throwbacks- plus! the devs are making THE most gorgeous indie rpgs, apparently set in the same universe. so that is another reason to check it out

This Strange Realm of Mine -90% an extremely weird little game that will likely not be for everyone, or even most people, but that i really liked. considering the price, i don’t really think there’s much to lose on buying this little gem

Darkside Detective -70% funny point & click game with very shipable protagonists! there’s also a ‘second season’ that i have not played (yet), but is very likely absolutely worth getting

Haiku, the Robot -33% it is, rather obviously, not as good as Hollow Knight, but if you’re suffering from ‘waiting for Silksong’, perhaps this little gem will tide you over

Transiruby -30% another small metroidvania! has really pretty pixel art, and is just a fun little time

Flynn, Son of Crimson -50% not what it was promised, but it’s a fun platformer with gorgeous pixel art, and a dog. it’s a good time, and isn’t that what we all want :]

Yomawari: Midnight Shadows -70% a cute horror game, with excellent enemy designs, and a whole town to explore. also the story is so good. i am still absolutely enamoured with this title. this is, technically, the 2nd in a series, but you can play the games standalone, and while i’m sure the 1st is just as good, i’ve only played this one. because priorities (also keep in mind!! that this is a horror game!!! i’d recommend looking up some trigger warnings, because, uh. horror game!)

A Short Hike -35% just an extremely cozy and fun little game. exploring every inch of this island was just such a good time, i still think extremely fondly of this title

Webbed -30% i am gently laying an hand on the shoulder of every bug enthusiastic on this website. you play as a spider. who is trying to get back her boyfriend from a bird. and there’s a really fun swinging mechanic. do you really need anything more?

Garden Story -60% i am once again shocked this game isn’t more popular. what do you mean a cozy adventure game with community restoration, foraging, and some fun combat with a grape protagonist isn’t one of the biggest sellers in cozy gaming spheres. there’s a frog. you can put on different hats. what else do you want!!

Donut County -70% funny little game about making holes and being a chaotic racoon. i have an extremely soft spot for the characters in this, i could not explain it <3

also Oxenfree is not on sale, but it’s cheap, and the sequel is dropping very soon! and you should absolutely check it out! because it’s really REALLY good!!

[cocozydiaries]

Can you tell me more about your mha dr please?

HIII tysm for the ask!!

noticed two mha related asks really close to each other? anon are you the same person twice🤨

okay okay if ur not new here u probably know i did post about my mha dr before BUT THAT POST WAS AWFUL so now it’s deleted and gone. sorry😞

Honestly with my updated version i’ve just kept most things kinda vague. Don’t get me wrong I love scripting, but i don’t do it that much anymore coz now i just let my subconscious handle it so my scripts are kinda empty.

I do still script, just less but dw i’ll share what i have!! I love over sharing🫶

be warned this is unorganised asf since i wrote it all at like 2am😭

My dr name (spoiler alert i don’t have one):

even tho i think names are very important I haven’t picked a name for myself in any of my drs💀. Partly coz I wanna be surprised but also partly coz just coz i’m lazy.

I did however script that my name suits me and has a nice meaning. I also scripted that my siblings and i all have the same first letter of our names (smth we have here!) but my parents also have different names for each of us, like a sorta nickname (mine is yara coz i have a love/hate relationship with butterflies)

Onto actual stuff related to my mha dr. Also probably the only thing you really care about smh. yeah ik your intentions anon🙄

Quirks!!

soooo basically quirk basically siren/mermaid irl?? tbh idk but the main thing (aside from occasionally cosplaying as ariel) i’m basically able to shape and manipulate water. Very korra coded of me ik but she has always been my favourite.

Me, some of my siblings, and parents mostly have different quirks tho due to that fact that my parents adopted us. That’s a whole different thing tho we can get into later.

I haven’t scripted my family’s quirks because again lazy asf and wanna be surprised. I’m assuming based on their jobs they’re gonna have either powerful or really useful quirks anyhow. Just makes sense

Anywhooo onto actual mha stuff like

UA:

Idk if i’m gonna get in lmao💀 all i scripted is IF i do i’ll end up in class 1A. I did that coz i wanna know if i can get into class UA without scripting it. I mean ik i will but idk funsies ig.

I also changed the uniform coz it’s ugly asf. Honestly i just think dark blue would’ve been so much better than that vomit izuku inspired green.

i also scripted that midnight and mineta are actually chill and normal people. IM SORRY GUYS💔 but mineta is lowkey funny when he isn’t a creep and midnight is so extra i love her. i just don’t like when they’re…. icky. so i scripted that out!

and i scripted that toru gets a proper hero outfit kinda similar to mirio’s thing. makes absolutely NO sense that his hero outfit was made to adapt to his quirk but they leave my girl to freeze? nuh uh

i’ve actually scripted quite a few minor difference or things i want to happen. let me know if that’s smth you guys are interested in!!

Anyways that’s kinda it coz idk what to say… I need y’all to ask me specific questions PLS😭 i suck at answering vague stuff💔

EXAMPLE: “coco” (or yara since you lot did technically unlock a new name) “exactly what are you gonna do when you wake up in ur dr at 5:21am because you heard one of ur rat siblings cluttering around outside ur door while getting ready for school.”

how i’m feeling after checking what other people’s dr intros look like and realising i was only meant to write a couple of sentences and not explain why i picked each thing i scripted for my dr in a stupid amount of detail: 😐

i can drive in my dr btw!! can’t do that here tho. thought you should know. IDK HOW TO

[cve-th3mvsic]

i should be in bed.

meaning i should be asleep.

but nooo. /sar

i can’t fall asleep

so here’s some of my thoughts before they disappear

“it’s better to be obsessed with yourself than someone else” whoever said this is fucking right

i can’t get over how cool i look

i was looking through my photo album

seeing all the old pictures of me i took

from now all the way back to 2021

i actually have two photos of me from 2020. freaking crazy

but seeing how i looked back then actually makes me happy

like. i actually looked like a boy. the happiness it brings me to see how boy i looked. it brings me to tears (half serious)

seeing me back then, and seeing my hair. it’s like. wow.

but seriously tho. like. i looked fucking awesome and i didn’t even know it back then

my hair looked so boy. i love it. i didn’t know it back then, but i do know now.

but then again, before 2023 i felt like shit a lot. we all went through shit in 2019-2021. (2020 & 2021 suck. never wanna ever go back to that. fml dude. terrible. mostly because fucking cringe. don’t bring me back there.)

but on new year’s eve (before 2023) i told myself “this is gonna be a good year”

and guess what 2023 was?

a good fuckin’ year. /pos /gen

and it was a big improvement year for me.

a few shitty things happened (and were traumatizing) but i am so much better now than ever.

i feel confident in doing my own thing

it’s amazing

like to think about how i felt back then. i don’t even know what i felt back then when i think about it now, but it was terrible

and me now?

fucking amazing

i don’t think i give a shit about many things anymore

like i just do my own damn thing and not care about things like “do i look weird” “did someone think that was weird?”

and things like.. something as small as maybe tripping.

like tripping on my own feet (i’ve done it only a few times. but it’s still happened)

i trip, catch myself, and keep walkin. maybe laugh a little too. i’ll laugh at and with myself

and i know my laugh is pretty funny

funny in both positive and negative ways probably

but i get used to my laugh

i hear my laugh all the fucking time

sometimes i laugh at my laugh, and end up fucking cackling

but also sometimes, i hear my laugh and think “awh”, and then i think about how i feel about myself now, and i kind of wonder what if someone else felt this way about me? but like

ya know

i think i’d like to be social, but i am not social right now

i don’t have the mental capacity to even comprehend the day as it goes by.

ask me how my day was?

“uh. i dunno. lemme think-”

if there was nothing significant that happened, i respond with “it was okay”

but then when i really start to break down my thoughts and figure out what i did today, it’s like “oh. that’s more things than i thought there was”

oh and like being social

dude.

recently, i’ve had a feeling that a few different people have been givin’ me like. looks.

but not like “ew 🫤” looks or “i don’t like you.” looks. not creepy looks, ya know?

but like.

ya know when you have a crush on someone and you look at ‘em and then they look back at you for a second and that glimpse of eye contact is like “shit- 🫢 did they catch me lookin’-“

i’ve had a feeling that a few different people have

how do you explain it

like maybe they felt that way or something

ya know?

like i catch ‘em lookin’ or something

i could one hundred percent be ahead of myself or crazy for thinking that these people might have a crush on me or something

i mean, they don’t even know me, i don’t know them. how could they actually have a crush?

maybe it’s like an “i think they’re pretty” kinda look

sometimes

maybe

i dunno how to describe it

but like. okay. let’s give ‘em code names ‘cause it’s fun. (never had to give code names like this before. never even had a real crush i don’t think tbh.)

there’s DVD. or maybe let’s call them “DMV” ‘cause it’s kinda funnier

no. DVD, they’re DVD

so i have 4th hour with DVD. that’s it

only see ‘em in that class.

fuck my life dude it’s 11:58pm i’m gonna cry my balls off

i’ll finish this later

goodnight

sleep welll everyone

[livvyofthelake]

new lost ranking post the hurley episode i watched last night. episode 18? maybe. whatever

1. jack obviously. he’s never getting knocked off the top of the pyramid there’s literally nothing anyone else could do to make me like them more than jack…. nothing this show ever does will ever beat do no harm

2. sayid!!! his swag is like. so unbeatable… he just hits different AND he’s a total hottie too woah… loving his paranoid insane freak arc this season. the writers were like what if we killed his girlfriend and made him act insane. and i’m eating it up actually i mean i wish they hadn’t killed his girlfriend considering that was literally my good friend shannon who i miss deeply. but sayid is NOT moving on and i love it… need me a freak like that sorry

3. claire… maternity leave was HUGE… and that’s my friend belle she always ranks higher than she probably should because she’s my friend belle <3

4. hurleyyyyy :) my special little prince and i mean this… i’m such a hurley girl and yeah sure you can also chalk that up to the fact that hurley is the pet character of eddie and adam and i would love anything eddie and adam did forever and ever except that tron movie i could never quite get through watching. heart! anyway yeah i love hurley he’s my guy… hurley is so. me age 19 but different but the same. wow. if hurley could read some of my notes app poetry from 2020 he’d feel seen in a way that would motivate him to seek professional help. but let’s not get into that

5. ana lucia SORRY. she kinda sucks so fucking bad and yes she killed my beautiful girl shannon but that was only her fault as much as it’s a gun’s fault when someone uses it to kill someone. so i’ve never blamed her for that it’s just a bad situation which she will notttt be coming out on top of 😐. but i think she’s sooo cool in a woman who sucks way… and her cunty 2000s ass outfit is crazy… the black tank top and low rise bootcut jeans and chunky belt and zip up utility vest…. i’d dress up as her for halloween if i was the kind of person who dressed up for halloween or was willing to buy an ugly belt for a one wear costume. also her plot with sayid rn is soooo good they’re looking at each other just two paranoid FREAKS going. you aren’t crazy. and neither am i. let’s fucking kill these Others. it’s sooooo good… and she never makes the same mistake twice…

6. eko my good friend eko…. he’s so…. he’s just so kind… imagine having the patience and compassion to be nice to charlie right now. woah

7. kate. in her flop era rn and it’s DIRE. but we love her this is the highest i can put her right now i’m sorry girl you just can’t beat out eko and hurley and ana etc when you’re acting like this….

8. rose and bernard <3 soooooo excited for them next episode it’s not even funny… that’s literally rose and bernard….

9. libby. category five obsessed with that freak disease! she took one look at that loser hurley and was like he’s so fucking pathetic and weird. and i want him so bad. and i HAVE to respect her game. she said oh yeah i’m gonna talk him back from suicide and then it’s ON…

10. danielle rousseau… she literally slayed the house down in maternity leave… sorry queen for never including you in these lists before now my bad fr!

11. sun <3 she’s so. your girl friend who deserves way better but she’s so happy with her annoying and unlikeable man you can’t even tell her to dump his ass no matter how bad you want to

12. michael… where tf is michael… i miss him :(

13. new guy. i can’t very well call him henry now can i. wtf is his name… kinda like his pathetic gay swag. but he’s sooo annoying 🙄 and frankly i stand with sayid’s paranoid freak ass… but he’s kinda fun to have around i admit! love how he’s always playing mind games!!

14. locke admittedly has been slaying lately but i still think all his backstory episodes are lame and bad and also. as we say. an enemy of jack’s…

15. jin. he like. swings wildly between me hating him so bad i hope he dies and me thinking he’s soooo interesting and compelling and cool. the whole truth was a crazy episode in this way when it started i was like wow he needs to kill himself. and then by the end i was like woah why is he the most interesting man on lost island…. the way he literally can’t talk to anyone but sun as a physical storytelling metaphor for his closed off nature that prevents him from ever being truly known… wowie!

16. charlie. he’s flopping soooo hard this season. remember when charlie used to be a top five character. that’s crazy

17. sawyer. goes without explanation

[absurdlyriveting]

Who wants to read a super long rant I wrote in the middle of the night without my glasses about how TV writing for this one show should be better from a non-writer who has no business commenting on any of this? You do? Ok, here you go.

So I just watched the St Denis Medical pilot. I recognize some of the cast, including one of the main characters — the nurse in charge. Really like that actress (Good Girls anyone?). But overall I found that the show was just… not very funny. (I didn’t like The Office either, I’m sorry. But I do like Parks & Rec)

And look, most pilots aren’t great and it does actually take time for shows to find their footing. We shouldn’t all be so hasty to write off a show because of its pilot. Still though, I couldn’t stop thinking about this one thing.

I really could not root for the head nurse. 

Just. No.

She was an obvious workaholic control freak, they basically say as much in the episode. and she’s aware of this and had multiple opportunities to prioritize her family and she just. Didn’t. And it made her kind of suck as a person. Obviously this is more “realistic” right? This is a problem many people have. There can be comedy in between the lines, I get it. It’s probably what they’re going for. But I just found her to be incredibly disappointing. 

Am I supposed to hope she grows and becomes less neurotic and actually spends time with her loved ones? Because honey she should already be doing that. Am I rooting for divorce because her unnamed/unseen spouse must obviously be upset with her for constantly missing shit because a person can only be so supportive and understanding for so long? I mean… sorta yeah. Should I hope she finds her ideal work/life balance? I really don’t give a fuck. She’s a disappointment right here and now. Even though she’s nice and friendly, I just don’t like her that much. You can be the nicest, most caring person in the world, but it sucks when your family doesn’t get the same importance as random strangers or your job do. I’m making this far more extreme than it is (she isn’t that horrible, truly) and I know she will probably grow and evolve and we will get more context and background and blah blah blah, but it did make my brain start churning. 

So then I thought, how would I have made this funny? How do I root for a person who is missing their kid’s school play (hopefully with an actual valid reason)? 

What if, instead of the character being a shitty person who fails as a parent and partner because they make bad choices, they instead were forcibly put into rock & hard place situations? This current main character only had one true moment like that, which is when the woman collapsed at the end. she had no choice but to stay and help. It was the right thing to do. BUT all the other times she did have a choice and should have fucking left the hospital.  

So my new made-up character is instead constantly in these situations against their very obvious will. Perhaps they have a nickname, like “Magnet” because they are always attracting the worst situations. Magnet is probably aware that everybody calls them Magnet, but definitely doesn’t want to acknowledge it or hear it said out loud (they ignore it if they hear it) because saying it might make it even more true. 

Magnet is always trying to do something else. They’re always trying to leave. But they are constantly “right place, wrong time.” Yes they can totally help you, but did it have to be right now? 

They are a compassionate person, yes, but an easily frustrated one. All new staff members are warned, if you have plans then you better not be in the same room as Magnet right beforehand. Lighting doesn’t strike once, it strikes all the damn time, 3ft away, and sometimes catches on fire. 

“No, no, no! You can’t just collapse right here in the exit! I have to leave to go to my kid’s soccer game! Absolutely not! Where are my nurses god dammit! Somebody save this man so I can go see my kid save a goal!”

(person coding or some shit) “Sir, either you DIE or you RESPOND TO TREATMENT. RIGHT. FUCKING. NOW. I have places to be so pick a lane IMMEDIATELY SIR… ah yes, excellent. You made the right decision. Thank you for not dying.”

“Look I know you’re like bleeding and stuff on my shoes, but this other nurse is so much better at stitches than me and she’s just doing paperwork while I have an important thing to get to, so…” 

“JANET you BETTER NOT be having an ALLERGIC REACTION for the FIFTH TIME today. We did this already! and I can’t keep telling you to not eat peanuts no matter how delicious a Snickers is! Don’t you dare touch that candy wrapper Janet so help me god.”

“I’m sure you’re lovely and a wonderful date, but I’m happily married and am looking forward to having a dinner and a movie with my spouse tonight and would really appreciate if you would put your clothes on right now and stop throwing my very important medical supplies on the ground because they aren’t slutty enough.”

“Why isn’t anybody helping this woman already? She is obviously in distress! I am in a rush, but even I noticed she needed immediate attention. I cannot believe you people work here sometimes. Oh she was fine right up until I walked in front of her? Sure, yeah, of course she was fine. It was definitely me and not her obvious injury/illness!”

“Ok look, you’re making me 20 minutes late to my kids pool party, but they will flip out when they find out that I saved a bunch of people cosplaying as Power Rangers. once you’re all bandaged up, can I get a pic for them?”

“Hey Doc! Over here! Yes she fainted right on top of me. No, I don’t know why. That’s your job, you’re the doctor. She’s breathing and everything otherwise appears normal. I have literally no other insight to add because this just happened. So I’ll just shift her weight over onto this other very capable nurse who also went to school for as long as I did, and be on my way. See ya later! Hope you feel better ma’am!”

“Why is 5pm always seizure-o-clock? Can’t anyone have a seizure at 3:45 anymore? I mean, lets be reasonable here.”

Magnet is always having people collapse, bleed, become critical, etc right in front of them anywhere and anytime they have places to be. They will always do their best to help whoever is in medical trouble if it’s actually urgent, but this is just a JOB and they know how to delegate. “Oh the computers went down? Nurse do you know how to write up a patients information on an intake form? And do you still know how to write a prescription Doctor? And IT is working on it? Ok great, if you have questions then text me, but I trust that my right-hand nurse has got this. Jimmy if you tell me you forgot how to write with a pencil and paper because you only use speech-to-text then you really need to re-evaluate your career as a medical professional. See you tomorrow!” 

Sometimes though, they must respond and that’s just how it is. Frankly, we wouldn’t root for someone who is heartless, and they aren’t THAT big of an asshole. It’s played for comedy, not for mean-spiritedness. 

“Of course I will hold your hand ma’am. Nothing is more important than you being ok. I know you’re scared, but I’ve got you. There’s definitely nowhere else I need to be right now. It will all be ok.”

Also maybe the other nurses really love Magnet’s spouse because they get brought baked goods by them once a month and are the only adult person who makes Magnet go from grumpy to immediately happy. So whenever Magnet is just fully unable to leave and they know it might be a while, they text (sometimes with a photo as long as it doesn’t break Hipaa) Magnet’s spouse to keep them updated. There is a constant line of communication.

“M. Spouse you’re gonna want to move your reservations, Magnet is trying to subdue a patient who is very high on many different drugs right now. Also those muffins were amazing btw.”

(5 min later) Magnet def gets very injured by said patient. 

“Actually M. Spouse, cancel those reservations, Magnet got LIGHTLY stabbed but don’t worry it was VERY gentle and will only require a few stitches and also maybe make it hard for them to use utensils, so I recommend ordering in.”

Cut to Magnet in the background “God dammit that was my fork-holding hand! How am I supposed to eat fancy overpriced anniversary steak now!!!! (grumble grumble) Does my hair still look ok at least?”

Maybe Magnet also loves kids and is truly a different, very patient person in front of them. Kids are never as inconvenient as the adults because they’re kids. So sometimes the staff sort of use the kids to break tension in a funny way. 

“I can’t BELIEVE how stupid that dipshit motorcyclist was— Oh hi sweetie! Are you looking for your mommy? Oh the nurse told you I had candy did she? Uh huh, I wonder why she sent you all the way over here, definitely not where you’re supposed to be at all, for a really cool reason like getting a piece of free candy even though there’s a bowl behind the nurses’ counter. Yes let’s go over there now and get you a piece and maybe not beat up that reckless motorcyclist. You should just stick with your bicycle…”

There’s so many ways you can play with this. And I would constantly be on Team Magnet. We know, without a doubt, that whenever they try to go somewhere or do something important that there will be an obstacle. So the challenge is then, how will it be funny and also how will it work out in the end in a way that makes me still root for the character and their interpersonal relationships? We don’t want them to be a straight up asshole all the time. They should get very concerned when things are super serious and bad. And they get upset if other people aren’t taking something seriously enough. But if Janet needs yet another epi-pen then by god will they be annoyed as shit in a hilarious way because that was a totally avoidable situation and only happens when Magnet is around anyway.

The staff would also be very aware. New staff member at a meeting: “Where is Magnet?” Everybody else: laughs. 15 minutes later Magnet walks in. “Sorry, was delivering a baby in my neighbors driveway. They named him Steve. Weird name for a baby. It’s not even short for Stephen. Just baby Steve. So what did I miss? Thanks for taking notes for me again Carol, you’re the best.”

Perhaps as seasons progress Magnet can also start to attract cool things. “How do you always get the celebrities and super rare diseases and I get someone with uncomfortable gas?” “My winning personality.”

You could also have an entire episode where the comedy is that everything goes completely smooth and normal with no big interruptions or emergencies, but Magnet and the other staffers are increasingly paranoid all day because chaos is normal, and this feels like calm before a storm. They’re peering around corners like James Bond looking for a villain. Cut to the day is over and Magnet gets in their car feeling relaxed and satisfied with a job well done, smile on their face… but then a car accident happens right behind them. “Aw man. So close!” (Begrudgingly gets out of car, credits roll.)

So back to home life. Magnet’s family always knows that they will try to put them first. And maybe this type of character would be a good foil for current iteration of Nurse-in-charge at St Denis. Magnet is someone who knows their priorities and pushes really hard to keep their promises and make things happen even in the face of medical emergencies. It isn’t perfect and it doesn’t always work out, but they have supportive (and very entertained) colleagues and a loving partner and kids. The partner does understand (“I know what I signed up for, and that’s a person who cares a lot about helping people, and even more about their family.”)  because even if Magnet is always 20 minutes late, they ALWAYS show up unless it’s truly life or death for someone. And they get frequent updates from Magnet and/or the other staff so they aren’t blind sighted or waiting around for hours with no news. The muffins are multi-faceted bribes/gifts after all. 

Yes, this is me being so sick of every couple in every show having drama solely based off of bad communication. 

Maybe the kids are upset sometimes but are usually ok with it because Magnet has cool work stories and maybe brings home souvenirs (“look, this nail was in somebody’s arm today! no, don’t touch it, that’s gross”) and also constantly communicates with them. (“I’m so sorry I was late buddy, but you know how much I love you and that I wanted to be here right? I loved seeing you win that final tournament. Would you show me at home the cool karate moves you used on your first opponent? I know spouse took a video of that match, but I’d love for YOU to show me.”) And again, Magnet does show up the majority of the time, even if its a little later than planned. So the family knows to tell them 4:00pm when they really mean 5:30pm. Because they’re “Magnet.” They will attract a problem. The family knows the nickname and are very aware. 

“It’s Halloween! I was supposed to be home by 2pm for trick-or-treating! And yet somehow every time I go to the door, another puking vampire shows up to ruin my third pair of shoes! …Oh, Spouse texted and said trick-or-treating is at 6pm? Yeah, I guess 2pm was early. No it didn’t occur to me that they lied about the time. So wait, if I leave now I can be an hour early? Amazing! (starts walking toward the exit, gets puked on again) God dammit that’s my fourth and final pair!!!!! Fuck it, I’m driving home with puke shoes. (over their shoulder while walking to the exit) Whoever pulls my name for Secret Santa this year, I want waterproof shoes and a 10 pack of socks please and thank you. Happy Halloween everyone!”

I would root for Magnet all day, every day. 

Give me Magnet. Not micromanager who undervalues her family. Please and thank you.