#then ok

[piracytheorist]

The way I've heard about how some people with a penis will go into the bathroom, raise the toilet seat, do their business, flush, and then walk out without washing their hands because "Well I didn't touch my genitals" like pal if your dingadong has more germs than the toilet seat or the flush button then I fucking worry about the status of your dingadong and your health in general

[yeenapolitan]

Let’s say Kinger brakes into your room what do you do

Depends what his intention is 🙂

[jalluzas-ferney]

SPLAFEST TRICOLOR IS GETTING ON MY FUCKING NERVES WHYYYYY WHY ARE WE SO BAD

[noccolibroccoli]

So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

[maudiemoods]

If life is a never ending loop of dirty dishes and laundry then that means life is a never ending loop of home cooked meals and comfy clean clothes

[time-to-leave-machine]

people will say "why cant the eldritch gods just be nice to humans :((" and then kill a bug for existing near them

[windwenn]

This drawing made me realise that actually I love the comfort zone and I would like to go back into it. Also that I must draw more tigers.

[mroddmod]

the queen of the disco or whatever

[deathtokillian]

As a kid learning about the holocaust, I never understood how people could let Nazis rise to power. But now I’m watching it happen in real time.

[kidrat]

U can watch Star Wars so many times and it doesn’t prepare u for how dumb Star Wars is. For one thing I think we gloss over how kenobi (who has definitely been at the club. Please.) describes the mos eisley cantina as the worst most villainous place ever and then u get inside and it’s a pack of muppets vaping

[happyheidi]

~ via mignonettetakespictures ~

[useless-englandfacts]

uk journalists having to report through gritted teeth that there were no riots last night as thousands of anti-racist protesters significantly outnumbered the racist rioters across the country

[karvviie]

can you two just try to kill each other normally for once

[scapegods]

what if this scene was worse

[plushiebi]

ohhhh i get it now. the little seed of loneliness i’ve carried with me since i was five will never go away