#i don’t want to run before we can walk ok but perhaps sometimes the uk… doesn’t totally suck ass

[useless-englandfacts]

uk journalists having to report through gritted teeth that there were no riots last night as thousands of anti-racist protesters significantly outnumbered the racist rioters across the country

[slightly-weird-man]

Right , so , this thing needs a disclaimer warning: I wrote this over an all-nighter fueled by coffee and alcohol, and so there are many , many plot holes that don't make any sense. If anyone ever actually sees it, feel free to shout at me about how it's shit.

Anyway, here's a short film script I wrote about two disabled lesbians , helping each other be happy at a house party. I am not mute, deaf , or a lesbian, so I am intensely sorry if this offends anyone.

I do have a basic plot for an entire film of this thing, as well as internal monologue scripts for both Jane and Lilly in this, but I won't post those atm, because they're a bit sh*t - if anybody wants them, ask me and I'll post them then

Other Means

Characters

Lilly- mute, from birth. Knows sign language, and goes to a college out of town. Know the host because they’re online friends. Is mature and confident. Has had experiences with women. Eleanor from the good place, or Ramona from Scott pilgrim or Linda from blood brothers(theatre show- not a film surprisingly). Forward, strong, funny, and not afraid to speak her mind. However, she is also kind, and sympathetic which should be a key part of her character- she’s struggled , and now doesn’t want other people to struggle.

Jane - deaf, newly, due to a scuba diving accident. Doesn’t know much sign language, and still goes to the same college. Isn’t comfortable talking, because she’s still learning to control her volume, because now she can’t hear her own voice. Knows the host from that college, before she was deaf. Syd from I Am Not okay With This, or Vanya from Umbrella Academy. Still confident, and tries her hardest, but is still struggling due to new pressures.

Setting:

A house party- hosted by Sam, friend of both, asexual. Is not a dick. He shows up to introduce them. 15 people or less, won’t see more than a few at a time.

Open, black screen . “ southern nights “ by Glen Campbell plays, as the picture fades in. We see Lilly standing behind a conversation, with a sign hung around her neck saying “physically can’t talk. Mute since birth. I’d love to chat though!” she has a drink in her hand, and is slumping/leaning against a wall.

Cut to a POV shot of Jane , trying to conversate with a notepad, but struggling

Cut to a shot of Lilly , signing to Sam ,”what’s her name?”

Sam, obviously intrigued: that’s my friend Jane. She lost her hearing recently, so she’s still trying to acclimate. Why?

Lilly signs, “nothing”.

Cut to a symmetrical shot of Lilly and Jane, with Lilly on the left and jane on the right. Lilly signs at Jane, but Jane makes it clear that she can’t understand her. Writes on her notepad

Notepad: don’t speak BSL yet sorry. I’m Jane, what’s your name?

She visibly passes the notepad to Lilly

Notepad: Hi Jane, I’m Lilly.

Points to sign hung round neck

Notepad: you seemed a little out of your depth, so I just wanted to give a helping hand.

Hands the notepad back to Jane, who looks visibly touched by Lilly’s kindness.

Notepad: thank you! That’s so kind! I am sorry I can’t do BSL tho, it seems like it would be easier for you

Jane goes to give Lilly the notepad back, but then Lilly pulls a notepad of her own out of a pocket/bag, doing that thing you do when you reveal something, raising it and showing it off.

*from now speech is on notepads, except from when specified otherwise*

Lilly: it’s fine , we’ll just have to communicate through other means”

title card, somehow incorporating notepads, the lesbian flag, Keanu reeves, super mario, and those hear-no-evil, speak-no-evil monkeys.

Open back on Jane and Lilly playing Mario Kart. It’s a shot from the tv’s POV, so we can see their faces and the glow of the TV, but not what they’re playing. Jane is inexperienced at this, and it should be showing- she’s grunting, and mumbling, and cursing but quite loudly. Lilly on the other hand, is very calm and quite good at the game. However, after something particularly funny that Jane mumbles loudly, Lilly throws down her controller and starts to laugh silently. Understandably, Jane is quite confused

Jane: what’s wrong? Are you alright?

Lilly sits up, reads note, breaks into more silent laughter. Composes herself quickly once she see’s Jane’s concerned face

Lilly: no, I’m fine- worry about yourself! You were making noises like a drunk hamster!

Cut to an over Lilly’s shoulder shot , Jane reads this note, and then looks embarrassed, and looks around to see if everyone’s staring at her. Lilly perceives this mood, writes

Lilly: don’t worry, no one cares anymore- they’re all sloshed enough to not

She gestures to the tv

Lilly: another game?

Cut back to symmetrical. They tense back into playing positions. If I can, I want to transition here like a Scott Pilgrim one, with someone walking in front of the camera, then swiping the scene to a different scene. Lilly and Jane are on the same couch, but are now much more relaxed.

Lilly: ok , shag marry kill… me, Sam , Keanu Reeves.

Jane: f*ck off, I’m not answering that

Lily: come on!

Jane: alright then…. I’d marry you, shag Sam, and kill Keanu reeves

Lily: (draws a big shocked face) how dare you kill Keanu Reeves! The man is a gift to the world!

Jane, now quite drunk: exactly why I’m sure he would die so that the two of you could live- I’d rather not have two of my friends die, and honestly, I’d look forward to shagging Sam, have you seen that man’s shoe size

Lilly rolls her eyes, while Jane stares dreamily off towards a sam in the distance, as if a 1920’s flapper for the briefest of moments

Lilly: alright, two truths and a lie now, k?

Jane motions for her to carry on

Lilly: alright, here they are: I am bisexual, I have had a run in with the new York mob, and 50% of this party thinks you’re cute.

Jane looks confused for a moment, perhaps raising an eyebrow,

Jane: I can definitely picture you as the sort of person to incur a mobster’s wrath, and I have always had a decent gaydar, but there is no way that half of the people here think I’m cute- that’s the lie!

Lilly shakes her head, while making an exaggerated thing like she’s tutting.

Lilly: you weren’t wrong about that gaydar, but I’m afraid you pegged me as a little too open- the fairer sex is where it’s at girl!

Jane: really? 50%?

Lilly does the wobbly hand thing, to signify “roughly”

Lilly,: from what I’ve picked up on at the drinks tables, and my own personal opinion, yeah.

Jane is confused with this statement, motioning between her and Lilly ,and mouthing “cute?”

Lilly: yes, you’re cute- it’s your turn though.

Jane blushes, thinks for a moment, then gets to scribbling.

Jane: alright-I once discovered a genuine David bowie signature on an old £10 note, I’m bisexual, and I play in played in a synthpop band.

Jane should start staring sadly into the middle distance at this point, tearing up if possible. Lilly shouldn’t notice, because she’s pondering and scribbling.

Lilly: I know that the David Bowie one is false, because that is a felony in the UK! She looks up and notices that Jane is looking down. She reaches out to hold Jane’s shoulder.

c/u of Jane’s sad face, nearly crying .Music switches now, from black parade to some Kanye west.

Jane: is there music playing?

Lilly nods

Jane: what song?

Lilly shrugs

Lilly: some rap shite. Not my style.

Jane continues to break down over no music, while Lilly rummages in her pockets. Suddenly, (in c/u) Lilly grabs Jane’s hand, opens her palm, and places an in ear headphone in it.

Lilly: heard about this from a deaf buddy of mine. Should do you right.

Then from silence, we hear the first few chords of “space oddity” fade in. Jane’s face lights up , and she looks up to Lilly.

Low angled shot from Jane’s perspective, of Lilly reaching down to her, in the traditional “shall we dance” way. Jane gets up, and they dance simply for a bit, before Jane pulls Lilly in for a deep hug, and we get the cliché, heads over the shoulders shot.

We then cut to them on the pavement in front of the house. They are leaning on each other as they stroll. Careless whisper is playing softly in the background, like it’s emanating loudly from the house.

We see Jane reach into a side pocket, and pull out the same notepad as before.

Jane: so… do you wanna go for coffee sometime?

Lilly reads this with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

Lilly: so, a date then. Are you sure? I’m quite high maintenance .

She points to the sign , still hung around her neck. c/u of Jane leaning in, to whisper something into Lilly’s ear.

Jane, speaking softly: yes I’m sure, silly

Cut to a shot of them separating, and then walking away from the camera, backs to the audience, holding hands. If we need to, roll credits over this with soft music- it must be love by madness- specifically the line " how can it be that we can say so much without words"

[dxmedstudent]

Answer the odd numbers!

Oh, wow, that’s a lot XD I’ll try to do as many as I can, but I shall try to keep it briefer than usual. If something is too difficult, then I’ll skip. Let’s go! 1) Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? My friends are trying to get me into spotify, I tend to use soundcloud more, but my preferred way of finding new music has often ended up being accidentally leaving youtube on in a tab after a song finished, and having it cycle through sort-of related music.

3) what color are your eyes?Reasonably light brown. Someone was once nice enough to tell me they look like honey, when I’m in the sun.

5) what is your relationship status? Not where I see myself in the longterm.

7) what color hair do you have?Darkish brown. I dye it almost exactly the colour it naturally is. Or was, before the Grey Hair Fairy frosted my temples with some serious silver.

9) where do you shop?The high street, and online? Nowhere particularly fancy. Occasinally I’ll be tempted by something off etsy. 11) favorite social media accountIn terms of personally, I keep up with a lot of people I don’t see often through facebook. But I really enjoy the community we have here. 13) any siblings?A younger sister and a much younger brother. I’m the dorky, embarrasing but protective eldest.

15)favorite snapchat filter? Um… I don’t use snapchat often. Hmm. Anything that lets you transform two pictures at once, because then I can pull someone else in for a selfie! XD17) how many times a week do you shower?Weird question, but the answer is; as often as I can. You want to wash the hospital off you. 19) shoe size?Either 4, 41/2 or 5 in UK sizes (so between 37 and 38 in European sizes), no idea what that is in US measurements. It’s small enough that sometimes I end up in the kiddy section.

21) sandals or sneakers? Depends on for what. Sneakers are generally good for most things, but there are times when sandals are more appropriate.

23) describe your dream dateI don’t know about dream, but a nice lunch on a sunny day, followed by a trip to a gallery or a museum, or perhaps a nice walk is 1000 times better than catching drinks in a crowded bar. As for anyone who drags someone to excercise on a ‘date’…no. Just no. 25) what color socks are you wearing? They happen to be black socks with tigers on them.

27) do you have a job? what do you do? I sometimes give hope, I always give support, but I cannot always give life when time has run out.

29) whats the worst thing you have ever done? The thing I’m most cringey about is the time I offended a classmate in primary school. I must have been 7. They asked me why I didn’t invite them to my party, and I gave them a reason that was both untrue and rude, and in the end I invited them and I came. But I’m still not sure why I did that.

31) 3 favorite boy names

I don’t know. Names I prefer in guys I’m seeing? Or for future kids? Or characters? Because those answers would all be different…

33) favorite actor?Right now, let’s say Robin Williams and Emma Thompson. I could say more, but then we’d be here all day.

35)who is your celebrity crush?I’m going to have to be really, really cliche and say Tom Hiddleston. That voice would sound compelling even if it was just reading out his shopping list, and he has really nice hands. I also think Jensen Ackles is pretty ahem, delectable, too.

37) do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I love to read, with a passion. But I go through periods where I read a lot, and others when I read much less. Picking one book would be an impossibility.

39) do you have a nickname? what is it? Trying to find one which isn’t some derivative of my name, or just plain weird is hard.

41) top 10 favorite songsThis would probably require too much thought to answer right now.

43) what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)Oily. Definitely wasn’t blessed on the skin front, but such is life. Weirdly, friends keep telling me they thinl I have clear skin, and I’m like ‘whose face have you been looking at?!’ Which just does to show that we’re the only ones who notice our own blemishes. Take for example, scars. I have a few (!!) on my face, and people can know me for years and not realise they are there. Then literally turn around one day and say “OMG, what happened to your FACE?” To which I reply… “Um, nothing? It’s always like this.”.

45) how many kids do you want? This is not something I’ve really thought about? Enough to keep each other company, but not so many that I’m spending the next 500 years changing nappies. So 2 or 3, I guess?

47) what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) Whatever kind of house I can afford. I don’t realistically see myself affording to live in London, and I don’t realistically see any chance of a big house if I live in the UK. But such is life.

49) what was the last compliment you received?On one of my recent night shifts, one of the nurses asked me where I was from. And I told her (people don’t usually know, or care, much about my country, but I see no reason to lie), and she said “I wanted to know why, because you are so confident. The way you talk” And I was taken aback. “Confident? ME? Really?!?”. To which she replied, laughing “You think you are not?”.  All this time I’ve been quite reserved, and always told by my seniors that I ought to have more faith in my clinical decisionmaking and just be more assertive, it was quite surprising to find out that someone saw me bumbling along on my night shift and thought I looked and sounded confident. 51) how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?Probably around 7? I was apparently not amused. I can’t remember. In retrospect, perhaps it’s odd that I always knew about the birds and the bees but not about Santa.53) opinion on smoking?Not a good idea, but often understandable. Nearly always started when we are very young, in order to fit in or belong. I grew up with one parent being a smoker (they quit, yay!) and have friends who smoked since their teens, so I can understand how hard it is to give up, and what addiction means. But one thing I really don’t understand is grownups “socially smoking”. At all. It’s flirting with addiction, has no benefits, and just drains your money?  I feel that most people my age who indulge in social smoking really should probably know better. But then that applies to many things in our lives.

55) what is your dream job? To be a magical girl/superhero. Being a doctor who draws comics shall, however, suffice until I get called into service by a cute magical familiar.

57) do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? I used to use them, but I wouldn’t say that I would stock up on the whole stash. Though I have a sad feeling that they chuck the ones you don’t use, so maybe we should all be taking them?

59) do you smile for pictures?I used to never smile for pictures, because I had over-large incisors with a noticeable gap in them, and felt really self-conscious about them for most of my life. Then I stopped caring. But lately I realised my teeth no longer look oversized, and the gap has kind of shrunken, a little to my dismay.

61) have you ever peed in the woods? Another bizarrre question. I don’t hang out in the woods, but if there were no toilets within reasonable access, then I would? Pee is aseptic and the entirety of nature does it, plus it’s hardly going to get in anyone’s way?

63) do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?I don’t even think we HAVE Wendy’s, so I guess the golden arches win by default?65) what do you wear to bed? Pajamas, because it’s usually cold? Unless we’re talking about entertaining…

67) what are your hobbies?Answering memes and solving the internet’s problems. Sometimes I draw. 69) do you play an instrument?I cannot manipulate notes like I manipulate words. I sort of learned the recorder and piano a little bit, but despite lovely encouragement, I don’t have the time nor the patience it would take to be good at music. I find it a very attractive quality in others, though!

71) tea or coffee?Coffee in the morning, tea at teatime (duh) and hot chocolate at night.73) do you want to get married?I would like to end with a relationship that is stable, comfortable and friendship blended with being lovers. It’s not that a piece of paper has meaning, rather that being sure you want to be with someone for the forseeable future is what makes it special. Sometimes it takes being willing to discuss that bit of paper for both parties to truly know how sure they are to share each others’ lives. 75) are you going to change your last name when you get married? Definitely not intending to. Sometimes my last name is a pain, because nobody can spell it, or pronounce it. And it’s so long that hyphenating would make it even more of a pain than it already is. But I’m attached to my name, it’s a part of me and my ethnic identity, and definitely am not going into relationships with an idea that I “have to take my husband’s name”. They can take mine, if they wish. Perhaps I’d be tempted to if someone’s name was just incredibly awesome, who knows? I would rarely rule anything out before the fact. But I certainly don’t intend to.

77) do you miss anyone right now? Yep. Don’t we all?

79) do you believe in ghosts?I’ve never seen one, and I’d rather not, thanks. I believe in not tempting fate and staying in my own lane, paranormally speaking. 81) last person you calledFunnily enough, just a work colleague. I missed a call at work (we were both on call) , and called them after the shift, which is when I realised they’d called. Fortunately we’d already taken care of the situation.

83) regular oreos or golden oreos? What is a golden oreo? Regular, since I know no other kind.

85) what shirt are you wearing? The pajamas my aunt and recently deceased gran gave me for my last birthday.

87) are you outgoing or shy?Shy.

89) do you like your neighbors? My flatmates are OK, but keep themselves to themselves and work far too many shifts (no doubt they’d say the same about me!). I don’t know everyone else in the building. 91) have you ever been high? Who needs to be high when you’ve been a teenage girl?93) last thing you ate? Soba noodles. 95) summer or winter? Summer. It’s when you are warm and sunny, and can go for long rambling walks all day. Winter is too dark, I feel like I don’t get any sunlight at all in the winter

97) dark, milk, or white chocolate? All of the above. If I had to pick one, then dark?99) what is your zodiac sign?I’m a leo, but I never thought it represented me. People always assume Leos are brash, loud, confident  extroverts who wear leopard print and go to all the parties. Meanwhile, here I am with  a cat under my arm wondering why that’s meant to be me. Though, I really hate the idea of someone telling me what I’m meant to be like, horoscopes or life in general. Like, they don’t even know me. The nerve. So perhaps there’s a little bit of that kind of imperiousness about me, after all.

[lanadelreyfiles-blog]

Lana Del Rey: Wild At Heart ‘Is this the mysterious Lana Del Rey?’ — set to release her era-defining fifth LP, pop's dream-queen shoots the LA breeze with grunge hellraiser Courtney Love. Editor's Note: This interview has been condensed from the print edition. Courtney Love’s gravelly voice is unmistakable on the line next to Lana Del Rey’s syrupy sing-song: “Is this the one and only Courtney Love?” It’s been a while since any of us has heard from Del Rey. She’s calling Love from her home in California a few weeks after releasing “Love”, the booming, lounge-y first single off her upcoming fifth studio album, Lust for Life. Although Del Rey’s last record, Honeymoon, was released only a year and a half ago, that particular span has felt like forever. An anti-anthem of sorts, “Love” takes into account turbulent times, offering commiseration as opposed to call-to-action. Lines like “the world is yours and you can’t refuse it” slip under a ringing chorus that proclaims, “You get ready, you get all dressed up to go nowhere in particular.” The video rockets a group of teenagers, current-day devices in hand, to a vintage-rendered outer space. It’s a message that could easily be mistaken for nihilism. A month earlier, though, Del Rey pre-empted criticism by Instagramming the Nina Simone quote, “An artist’s duty, as far as I’m concerned, is to reflect the times.” Which is perhaps what Del Rey does best. Lust for Life could be called the next chapter in a long-running investigation into era-non-specific youth qualifiers that started with the self-directed video for her breakout single, “Video Games”. That song perfectly crystallised a mood and a moment, splicing an at-home aesthetic heretofore only found in webcam vlogs with imagery of a 1950s red carpet, an iPod billboard, and Paz de la Huerta falling in front of paparazzi. While Del Rey often insists that she’s lost in reverie, obsessed by the past, her music is a poignant reflection of a generation that continues to resist expectations. It’s a study, too, of femininity in general. For isn’t womanhood itself, she appears to ask, steeped in anachronism? Both Lana Del Rey and Courtney Love write about irresistible institutions – Hollywood, mainstream acceptance and powerful men. The heartbreaking twist of each narrative is that the singers will always be outside the circles they describe desiring. While Love deftly played the unfiltered outsider as frontwoman with Hole through the 90s, in the age of infinite footnotes, Del Rey has taken up the role of oblivious misfit, more prone to a pout than a scream. Two decades apart in age, similarities between the two women (who played eight shows together in 2015 for Del Rey’s Endless Summer tour) are irrefutable. What if Love had come of age when Del Rey did, when every professional move she made was documented on Wikipedia within moments? Or if Del Rey grew up in a time when she would have to petition for music reviews, even as the wife of a huge rock star? Would one more closely resemble the other? Either way, each has become a Cassavetes-esque tragic figure in her performed world, toeing the line between outlying cult hero and revered pop star. “People ask me about musical similarities between our stuff,” Del Rey says to Love, who is calling from a movie set in Vancouver. “I just know it’s the kind of music I listen to all the time: when I’m driving, or when I’m alone, or when I’m with friends.” You can buy a copy of Dazed’s latest issue here. Taken from the spring/summer issue.

Lana Del Rey: So, we could just talk about whatever... Like those burning palm trees that you had in the ‘Malibu’ video. I didn’t think they were real! Courtney Love: Back when rock’n’roll had budget, you mean? Oh my God, Lana, setting palm trees on fire was so fun. You thought they were CGI? LDR: Yeah. CL: God, you’re so young. I burned down palm trees. In my day, darling, you used to have to walk to school in the snow. So, since I toured with you, I got kind of obsessed and went down this Lana rabbit hole and became – not like I’m wearing a flower crown, Lana, don’t get ideas – but I absolutely love it. I love it as much as I love PJ Harvey. LDR: That’s amazing because, maybe it’s slightly well documented, but I love everything you do, everything you have done – I couldn’t believe that you came on the tour with me. CL: I read that you spend a lot of time mastering and mixing. Is that true on this new record? LDR: Oh my God, yeah, it’s killing me. It’s because I spend so much time with the engineers working on the reverb. Because I actually don’t love a glossy production. If I want a bit of that retro feel, like that spring reverb or that Elvis slap, sometimes if you send it to an outside mixer they might try and dry things up a bit and push them really hard on top of the mix so it sounds really pop. And Born to Die did have a slickness to it, but, in general, I have an aversion to things that sound glossy all over – you have to pick and choose. And some people say, ‘It’s not radio-ready if it isn’t super-shiny from top to bottom.’ But you know this. Whoever mixed your stuff is a genius. Who did it? CL: Chris Lord-Alge and Tom Lord-Alge. Kurt was really big on mastering. He sat in every mastering session like a fiend. I never was big on mastering because it’s such a pain in the butt. LDR: It is a pain in the ass. CL: I think my very, very favourite song of yours – you’re not gonna like this because it’s early – is ‘Blue Jeans’. I mean, ‘You’re so fresh to death and sick as ca-cancer’? Who does that? LDR: I have to say, that track has this guy (Del Rey collaborator) Emile Haynie all over it. I remember ‘Blue Jeans’ was more of a Chris Isaak ballad and then I went in with him and it came out sounding the way it does now. I was like, ‘That’s the power of additional production.’ The song was on the radio in the UK, on Radio 1, and I remember thinking, ‘Fuck, that started off as a classical composition riff that I got from my composer friend, Dan Heath.’ It was, like, six chords that I started singing on. CL: You have that lyric (on the song), ‘You were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip hop.’ Did you really grow up on hip hop? LDR: I didn’t find any good music until I was right out of high school, and I think that was just because, coming from the north country, we got country, we got NPR, and we got MTV. So Eminem was my version of hip-hop until I was 18. Then mayb I found A Tribe Called Quest. CL: Have you met Marshall Mathers? LDR: No. Sometimes he namechecks me in his songs. I called the head of my label (Interscope CEO) John Janick and I was like 'OK in this last song (Big Sean's "No Favors") when Eminem says 'I'm about to run over a chick, Del Rey CD in’. Did he mean he wanted to run me over or was he listening to me while he ran someone over?'. And John was like, 'No, no he was listening to you while he ran someone over' and I was 'Ok, cool.' CL: You got namechecked by Eminem? oh my god that is a jewel in the crown. LDR: Just a little ruby. CL: Yeah, it's not really a diamond, but it's a ruby. LDR: Not like touring with Courtney Love. That's like an Elizabeth Taylor diamond. CL: You know, I met Elizabeth Taylor. I was with Carrie Fisher at (Taylor’s) Easter party and she was taking six hours to come downstairs. LDR: I love it. CL: I looked at Carrie and I said, ‘This is not worth it,’ and Carrie said, ‘Oh, yes it is.’ So we snuck upstairs and, Lana, when you go past the Warhol of Elizabeth Taylor as you’re sneaking up the stairs and it says ‘001’, you start getting goosebumps. And then you see her room and it’s all lavender, like her eyes. And she’s in the bathroom getting her hair done by this guy named José Eber who wears a cowboy hat and has long hair, and I’m like, ‘What am I doing here? I’m not Hollywood royalty.’ And the first words out of her mouth are, like, ‘Fuck you, Carrie, how ya doin’?’ She was so salty but such a goddess at the same time. LDR: She was so salty. The fact that she married Richard Burton twice – and all the stories you hear about those famous, crazy, public brawls – she was just up for it. Up for the trouble. CL: So back to you. What I hear in your music is that you’ve created a world, you’ve created a persona, and you’ve created this kind of enigma that I never created but if I could go back I would create. LDR: Are you even being serious right now? I don’t even know if your legacy could get any bigger. You’re one of the only people I know whose legacy precedes them. Just the name ‘Courtney Love’ is… You’re big, honey. You’re Hollywood. (laughs). CL: You know what, darling? I started real early. I started stalking Andy Warhol before I could even think about it. And you kind of did the same, from my understanding. That ‘I want to make it’ thing. And there’s nothing wrong with that. LDR: No, there’s not. There’s nothing wrong with it when you do the rest of it for the right reasons. If music is really in your blood and you don’t want to do anything else and you don’t really care about the money until later. It’s also about the vibe, not to be cliched. And the people. I think we had that in common. It was about wanting to go to shows, wanting to have your own show – living, breathing, eating, all of it. CL: Can I ask you about your time in New Jersey? Was that a soul-searching time? LDR: Oh, I don’t even know if I should have said to anyone that I was living in that trailer in New Jersey but, stupidly, I did this interview from the trailer, in 2008. CL: I saw it! LDR: It’s cringey, it’s cringey. (laughs) CL: You look so cute, though. LDR: I thought I was rockabilly. I was platinum. I thought I had made it in my own way. CL: I understand completely. LDR: The one thing I wish I’d done was go to LA instead of New York. I had been playing around for maybe four years, just open mics, and I got a contract with this indie label called 5 Points Records in 2007. They gave me $10,000 and I found this trailer in New Jersey, across the Hudson - Bergen Light Rail. So, I moved there, I finished school and I made that record (Lana Del Ray a.k.a. Lizzy Grant), which was shelved for two and a half years, and then came out for, like, three months. But I was proud of myself. I felt like I had arrived, in my own way. I had my own thought and it was kind of kitschy and I knew it was going to sort of influence what I was doing next. It was definitely a phase. (laughs) CL: But you have records about being a ‘Brooklyn Baby’. You can write about New York adeptly and I cannot. I tried to write a song about a tragic girl in New York, going down Bleecker Street – this girl couldn’t afford Bleecker Street, so the song made no sense, right? (laughs) I did my time there, but it chased me away. I couldn’t do it because I wouldn’t go solo. I had to have a band. LDR: I wanted a band so badly. I feel like I wouldn’t have had some of the stage fright I had when I started playing bigger shows if (I had) a real group and we were in it together. I really wanted that camaraderie. I actually didn’t even find that until a couple of years ago, I would say. I’ve been with my band for six years and they’re great, but I wished I had people – I fantasised about Laurel Canyon. CL: I wanted the camaraderie. The alternative bands in my neighbourhood were the (Red Hot Chili) Peppers and Jane’s (Addiction). I knew Perry (Farrell, Jane’s Addiction frontman) and I went to high school for, like, ten seconds with two Peppers and a guy named Romeo Blue who became Lenny Kravitz. I remember being an extra in a Ramones video and he stopped by, when he was dating Lisa Bonet from The Cosby Show and it was a big deal. LDR: See? You didn’t really see that in New York. When I got there, The Strokes had had a moment, but that was kind of it. LA has always been the epicentre of music, I feel. CL: LA is easier. People have garages. And then as you go up the coast, in Washington and Oregon people have bigger houses and bigger garages, and people have parents. I didn’t have parents, and you – well, you had parents, but you were on your own. LDR: Yeah. You know that song of yours (‘Awful’) that says, ‘(Just shut up,) you’re only 16’? I think there are different types of people. There are people who heard, ‘What do you know? You’re just a kid,’ and then there are people who got a lot of support (from the line), like, ‘Go for it, go for your dreams.’ (laughs) And I think when you don’t have that, you get kind of stuck at a certain age. Randomly, in the last few years, I feel like I’ve grown up. Maybe I’ve just had time to think about everything, process everything. I’ve gotten to move on and think about how it feels now, singing songs I wrote ten years ago. It does feel different. I was almost reliving those feelings on stage until recently. It’s weird listening back to my stuff. Today, I was watching some of your old videos and this footage of you playing a big festival. The crowd was just girls – just young girls for rows and rows. I was reminded of how vast that influence was on teenagers. And – going back to enigma and fame and legacy – you know, those girls who have grown up and girls who are 16 now, they relate to you in the exact same way as they did right when you started. And that’s the power of your craft. You’re one of my favourite writers. CL: You’re one of mine, so, checkmate. (laughs) LDR: What you did was the epitome of cool. And there’s a lot of different music going on, but adolescents still know when something comes authentically from somebody’s heart. It might not be the song that sells the most, but when people hear it, they know it. Are you a John Lennon fan? CL: When I hear ‘Working Class Hero’, it’s a song I wish to God I could write. I wouldn’t ever cover it. I mean, Marianne Faithfull covered it beautifully, but I would never cover it because I think Marianne did a great job and that’s all that needs to be said. LDR: I felt that way when I covered ‘Chelsea Hotel (#2)’, the Leonard Cohen song, but when I was doing more acoustic shows, I couldn’t not do it. CL: I don’t have your range. I’ve tried to sing along to ‘Brooklyn Baby’ and ‘Dark Paradise’ and this new one, ‘Love’. You go high, baby. LDR: I’ve got some good low ones for you. You know what would be good, is that song, ‘Ride’. I don’t sing it in its right octave during the shows because it’s too low for me. But I’ve been thinking about doing something with you for a little while now. Then after we did the Endless Summer tour, we were thinking we should at least write, or we should just do whatever and maybe you could come down to the studio and just see what came out. CL: When we were on tour, our pre-show chats were very productive for me. LDR: Me too. That was a real moment of me counting my blessings. I just wanted to stay in every single moment and remember all of it, because it was so amazing. CL: Likewise. It was really fun coming into your room. My favourite part of the tour was in Portland, getting you vinyl that I felt you needed. (laughs) LDR: When you left the room, I was just running my hand over all the vinyl like little gems, like, ‘I can’t believe I have these (records) that Courtney gave to me, it’s so fucking amazing.’ And we were in Portland, too. It felt surreal. CL: Yeah, I don’t like going there much but I went there with you. We have this in common, too: we both ran away to Britain. If I could live anywhere in the world, I’d live in London. LDR: If I could live anywhere in the world other than LA, I’d live in London. In the back of my mind, I always feel like I could maybe end up there. CL: I know I’m going to end up there. I know what neighbourhood I’m going to end up in, and I know that I want to be on the Thames. I subscribe to this magazine called Country Life which is just real-estate porn and fox hunting. It’s amazing. OK, so, if you weren’t doing you, what would you do? LDR: Do you have a really clear answer for this, for yourself? CL: Yeah, I would work with teenage girls. Girls that are in halfway houses. LDR: That’s got you all over it. I’m selfish. I would do something that would put me by the beach. I would be, like, a bad lifeguard. (laughs) I’d come help you on the weekends, though. CL: Do you like being in Malibu better than being in town? LDR: I like the idea of it. People don’t always go out to visit you in Malibu. So there’s a lot of alone-time, which is kind of like, hmm. I’m not in (indie-rock enclave) Silver Lake but I love all the stuff that’s going on around there. I guess I’d have to say (I prefer) town, but I’ve got my half-time Malibu fantasy. CL: The only bad thing that can happen in Malibu really is getting on Etsy and overspending. LDR: Oh my God, woman... (laughs) Tell me about it. Late-night sleepless Etsy binges. CL: Regretsy binges. OK, so, lyrically, you have some tropes and one of them is the colour red. Red dresses, scarlet, red nail polish... I kind of want to steal that. LDR: You need to take over that, because I think I’ve got to relinquish the red. CL: Well, I overuse the word ‘whore’. LDR: You take ‘red’. I’ll trade for ‘whore’. I’m so lucky. CL: I love this new song (‘Love’). LDR: Thank you. I love the new song, too. I’m glad it’s the first thing out. It doesn’t sound that retro, but I was listening to a lot of Shangri-Las and wanted to go back to a bigger, more mid-tempo, single-y sound. The last 16 months, things were kind of crazy in the US, and in London when I was there. I was just feeling like I wanted a song that made me feel a little more positive when I sang it. And there’s an album that’s gonna come out in the spring called Lust for Life. I did something I haven’t ever done, which is not that big of a deal, but I have a couple of collabs on this record. Speaking of John Lennon, I have a song with Sean Lennon. Do you know him? CL: I do, I like him. LDR: It’s called ‘Tomorrow Never Came’. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt this way, but when I wrote it I felt like it wasn’t really for me. I kept on thinking about who this song was for or who could do it with me, and then I realised that he would be a good person. I didn’t know if I should ask him because I actually have a line in it where I say, ‘I wish we could go back to your country house and put on the radio and listen to our favourite song by Lennon and Yoko.’ I didn’t want him to think I was asking him because I was namechecking them. Actually, I had listened to his records over the years and I did think it was his vibe, so I played it for him and he liked it. He rewrote his verse and had extensive notes, down to the mix. And that was the last thing I did, decision-wise. I haven’t mixed the record, but the fact that ‘Love’ just came out and Sean kind of finished up the record, it felt very meant-to-be. Because that whole concept of peace and love really is in his veins and in his family. Then, I also have Abel (Tesfaye), The Weeknd. He is actually on the title track of the record, ‘Lust for Life’. Maybe that’s kind of weird to have a feature on the title track, but I really love that song and we had said for a while that we were gonna do something; I did stuff on his last two records. CL: Do you have a singular producer or several producers? LDR: Rick Nowels. He actually did stuff with Stevie Nicks a while ago. He works really well with women. I did the last few records with him. Even with Ultraviolence which I did with Dan (Auerbach), I did the record first with Rick, and then I went to Nashville and reworked the sound with Dan. So, yeah, Rick Nowels is amazing, and these two engineers – with all the records that I’ve worked on with Rick, they did a lot of the production as well. You would love these two guys. They’re just super-innovative. I wanted a bit of a sci-fi f lair for some of the stuff and they had some really cool production ideas. But yeah, that’s pretty much it. I mean, Max Martin – CL: Wait, you wrote with Max Martin? You went to the compound? LDR: Have you been there? CL: No. I’ve always wanted to work with Max Martin. LDR: So basically, ‘Lust for Life’ was the first song I wrote for the record, but it was kind of a Rubik’s Cube. I felt like it was a big song but... it wasn’t right. I don’t usually go back and re-edit things that much, because the songs end up sort of being what they are, but this one song I kept going back to. I really liked the title. I liked the verse. John Janick was like, ‘Why don’t we just go over and see what Max Martin thinks?’ So, I flew to Sweden and showed him the song. He said that he felt really strongly that the best part was the verse and that he wanted to hear it more than once, so I should think about making it the chorus. So I went back to Rick Nowels’ place the next day and I was like, ‘Let’s try and make the verse the chorus,’ and we did, and it sounded perfect. That’s when I felt like I really wanted to hear Abel sing the chorus, so he came down and rewrote a little bit of it. But then I was feeling like it was missing a little bit of the Shangri-Las element, so I went back for a fourth time and layered it up with harmonies. Now I’m finally happy with it. (laughs) But we should do something. Like, soon. CL: I would like that. That would be awesome. Lust for Life is out this spring.

[theseventhhex]

PUP Interview

PUP

Photo by Vanessa Heins

PUP’s latest album titled ‘The Dream Is Over’ are the exact words a doctor spoke to singer/guitarist Stefan Babcock upon discovering one of his vocal cords had a small cyst and was beginning to haemorrhage. Given that the band – completed by drummer Zack Mykula, bassist Nestor Chumak and guitarist Steve Sladkowski – played over 450 shows in the last two years in support of its self­titled debut, it’s perhaps not surprising that it happened. In the wake of sold–out shows and widespread media acclaim, ‘The Dream Is Over’ is visible, visceral proof that the dream is still alive. It’s just that, after two exhausting years on the road, it turns out that the dream is just very different to what the four of them thought or imagined it would be like… We talk to Stefan Babcock about stepping outside the comfort zone, Nandos and camping…

TSH: Knowing a lot of the writing for ‘The Dream is Over’ took place on the road and then also having a small amount of time between tours to get into the jam space and studio, how focused were you?

Stefan: We were insanely focused. I don’t think any of us have worked that hard on anything in our lives. Because we’d toured the first record so much, we essentially had only 3 months to write and record ‘The Dream Is Over’, which is really not much. So when we came home from almost a year straight of touring, we went straight into the jam space for like 10 hours a day, 6 days a week for the next 3 months until the record was done. It was the only way to complete the record in the time frame we’d given ourselves.

TSH: You’ve put so much into this record and thus it’s amazing to see the connection individuals have with this collection of songs. How important was it be as honest and frank as possible?

Stefan: I think that’s of the utmost importance for the kind of music we play. I think there’s a lack of sincerity and honesty in a lot of rock music. I have been guilty of that in the past too – when I started writing songs, I wrote lyrics that I thought sounded like “lyrics”, if that makes any sense. And those songs just all came across as generic and fake and they didn’t sound like me or like PUP. If there’s one thing I can say about ‘The Dream Is Over’, is that it’s very honest. I’m not a poet, I’m a pretty straightforward guy, and I just sort of say what I’m thinking, and hope people can connect with that. I think music fans are smart these days – they see through the fake shit, they can sniff out lies.

TSH: Also, how crucial was it for you to primarily trust your instincts?

Stefan: I suppose it was pretty important. At a certain point if something doesn’t feel right, whether it be a lyric or a riff or even a full song, you gotta be ok with letting go and getting rid of it. But fighting your instincts is important too. A few times we fell into this trap of writing songs that sounded too much like other songs we’d written on the last record, and it was important for us to pull away from that. We want to always be progressing, getting better, writing new and interesting stuff, and part of doing that is making sure you step outside your comfort zone once in a while.

TSH: The record is so diverse with intense instrumentation and themes of recurring challenges and disillusionment. Would you say you had more self-reflection and some self-awareness compared to the first record?

Stefan: I would say so. The first record was the first time I was ever really writing real songs. So I was still learning. And I definitely still am. But I think going into the second record there was definitely more self-awareness, and a bit more confidence, and that helped to take more risks. As far as the instrumentation, I think we were all just way more confident as a band, from all the touring we’d done on the first record. We had a much better sense of the kind of band we wanted to be, the kind of record we wanted to make, and we had a lot more confidence in each other as musicians than we did the first time out.

TSH: Talk us through the origins of ‘Sleep in the Heat’ entailing a pet chameleon you had…

Stefan: We had a song called Mabu on the first record, which was about my family car. We made a video for that song, and in it, I drove Mabu in a demolition derby. As part of the video, we had “rented” a real chameleon to just kind of be this weird quirky bit in the video. Anyway, it was a pretty emotional day for me, saying goodbye to this car that I loved so much and had made so many memories in. And while we were shooting this video, I was sad, but also kind of bonding with this chameleon we had on set. And at the end of the day I had grown so attached to this chameleon that I just made an impulse buy and took her home and named her Norman. So that’s what the first verse in the song is about. Unfortunately about a year later, Norman passed away. Losing any pet is really hard. I really liked Norman a lot, and I miss her. So anyway, that song is kind of me saying goodbye to Norman.

TSH: After an extensive tour run and having unfortunate vocal damage, how do your vocal chords feel now?

Stefan: Pretty good! I’ve been taking care of them. I have a really great vocal coach and an ENT doctor that looks after me, and I’m working really hard at staying healthy. I’d say my voice is probably stronger now than before the damage.

TSH: Over the past few years you’ve had bad experiences; do such challenges give you a whole new perspective in terms of songwriting growth?

Stefan: Sure – these challenges are something that will definitely find a way to manifest themselves in future songs. When you become a “professional” songwriter, it can sometimes be hard to find inspiration, especially if all you’re doing all day is writing songs. So I try to look at any of these hardships as a positive – as fuel to keep writing and stay inspired.

TSH: Have your experiences in previous bands about expectations allowed you to excel more with PUP?

Stefan: Yeah definitely – I learned a lot through my past bands, and I’m sure the other guys would say the same. You start to realise the kind of person you want to be in a band with. When you’re touring and writing, you spend so much time together, and through my past bands, I realised it’s just not worth it to spend that much time with people you don’t get along with. The fact that we’ve all found 3 other guys that we get along with super well, and that we all share the same sort of idea of what we want this band to be is pretty rare and special. So we make sure to do everything in our power to work together and compromise and be diplomatic and cool to each other. We know what we want and have some vague notion as to how to go about achieving it together. But of course every day is still a learning experience.

TSH: When you encounter the more difficult days, what helps you get through?

Stefan: Playing a really fun show helps. Sometimes touring is rough, and it’s not always a walk in the park. But at the end of the day, you get to go on stage and play music with your friends for people who actually give a shit about your band, and that’s really rewarding and really fun. At the end of the day, all the bullshit that comes with touring is worth it when you see kids having a great time and jumping around to the music you and your four idiot friends made together in a basement.

TSH: Does Wagamama’s come close to Nando’s?

Stefan: Nando’s forever.

TSH: Are the supportive emails from your grandma still coming through often?

Stefan: Hahaha, yes. Great question. I love it. She still sends me a really nice message at least once a tour. She’s a cool lady. Very supportive.

TSH: Have you managed to find time to do some camping?

Stefan: Yeah, I get out as much as the schedule will allow me. I got to do a bunch of winter camping in Ontario, Canada around Christmas, which is cool. It was really cold – sleeping in a tent and just doing the necessities to survive (like cooking and building fires and collecting wood) is really challenging in -20 degree weather, but it’s also really rewarding and fun. We’ve got some time off this summer, and I’m excited to spend a bunch of it in the bush.

TSH: How liberating is it to express your feelings and be so immersed within music with this band?

Stefan: It’s great. Playing in a band like this is super cathartic. Getting to scream your guts out every night about all the shit that pisses you off is actually really fun and really healthy. The reason I got into this sort of music is because I wanted an outlet to make my angst productive, and I’ve definitely found that in PUP.

TSH: I understand during your UK tour one of you managed to view A Fish Called Wanda and The X Files... Were there any other notable intriguing TV watches?

Stefan: That was probably Steve or Zack. Ummm, one tour I blasted through a bunch of Game of Thrones. It’s pretty good! But I get bored of TV pretty fast; my attention span is pretty short.

TSH: As PUP heads forward, is the notion of always exploring and trying to learn and figure out new stuff partly what defines your outlook?

Stefan: Yes, definitely. We always want to get better – we’re not the type of guys who are happy with settling into a routine or becoming complacent with our music. We always want to push ourselves and the boundaries of this genre. Not to say we want to start playing prog-rock, but we just want to keep things fresh and exciting for us, and we do that by challenging ourselves to constantly get better. And of course, we’re still learning a lot about being songwriters and being in a band together. It’s only been about 4 years, so we still have a lot to learn and every song is a learning experience and another building block for the band. It’s cool that we are still excited and motivated, and I hope we stay that way for as long as we are a band.

PUP - “Sleep In The Heat”

The Dream Is Over

[loveisintheairmiles]

Travelling with a toddler under 2

I realised I probably have a fair bit of experience to share on traveling with a toddler considering we have done quite a number of flights with Milo since he was born. I love seeing his passport get new stamps and I think it’s wonderful for him to experience so many new places from a young age. I hope it teaching him about different people and cultures and eventually shares our love of traveling and exploring the world.

It is our intention this year to travel as much as possible before he is 2 and needs his own ticket. So we are racking up the air miles and we are joining my husband on any work trips where possible.

So far he has stamps in his passport for Bangkok / Bali / UK / Ko Samui / Sydney / Melbourne / Phuket / Seoul / Beijing… with another trip to Bangkok and Singapore booked this month and Chengdu for Easter he is certainly going to be a well travelled little boy!

It has changed since he’s getting older - not sure if it is getting easier or harder! I’ll say easier… or perhaps I’m just better prepared! Best piece of advice - plan and be prepared!

For long haul

Packing:

Pick up some fabric nylon zip bags they are amazing for organising your packing into nightwear, tops bottoms, accessories e.g. socks, vests, shoes, swimmers and then keep a small toilet bag with any baby essentials; thermometer, medicine, bottom cream I’ve stopped packing everything and the kitchen sink because everywhere you go has a pharmacy. Pack as many nappies that will fit in your luggage as you never know how easy it is to find your familiar brand. So better to have a few days worth before you have to shop.

Hand luggage on the plane for the baby:

I now pack a little rucksack for Milo with nappies, wipes and snacks and he wears this at the airport or its small enough to hook on the buggy handle. I have heard some people find it helpful to put nappies in ziplock with wipes so each change you have to just grab the plastic bag. I think this would be helpful when the baby is younger.

If I’m not traveling along I take his Trunkie with a few toys, books, spare clothes, coat, more nappies, a lunch box type container with more snacks and his 2 more bottles and his mini cutlery. Usually I fill one bottle with coconut water (Milo always seems to get constipated after a flight and this helps) or just water and one with milk. The Trunkie hooks on the buggy but it gets too hectic if I’m on my own to manage the buggy, a baby, hand luggage and carry on suitcase plus Trunkie. Especially if Milo insists on walking or being pulled on it - then you then have too many moving things to keep hold of.

Mums hand luggage

I use a rucksack and pack light as possible! I used to take a big fabric rucksack but now I use my black leather Kate Spade rucksack so at least I can feel slightly stylish! As more stuff always seems to go in the bag by the time your board the plane - so leave some room! The usual travel wallet, wallet, pen, mobile, lip balm, headphones (for the unlikely event of being able to watch a film) water (it’s ok to take more fluids through customs for a child), one tiny toy, small snack, wipes, iPad, hand sanitiser, one bottle of milk.

Carry on suitcase

It is still essential for me to have a carry on case for my work laptop and I found carrying the laptop in a rucksack is too heavy and takes up vital space for baby stuff. Also if I’m heading to the UK I need a weekend size suitcase for visiting family and friends - I also sometimes pack a soft carryall type bag in my main suitcase in case shopping on the trip means my suitcase is bursting or over the weight I can check another bag. It’s a good idea to have a change of clothes for yourself in the carryon - just in case! It’s quite easy to push a 4-wheeler and the buggy. But do yourself a favour and don’t load the buggy with lots of loose bits as it just makes life difficult when you have to flatten the buggy at the gate.

Skip the queue

I still travel a bit like a non-parent and hate waiting around and queuing and the huge bonus of having kids is that you can skip queues and get help! Just don’t be afraid to ask! But traveling with my husband is another level! As a Cathay Diamond Marco Polo member he lives in airports with work - so literally runs through them at pace and knows all the shortcuts and has zero patience. Travel is quite different with a toddler in toe - so just keep your head and don’t get stressed or let tantrums escalate. Between you and the toddler AND you and your husband! Pick your battles - if you need to get the iPad out early - don’t feel judged! And certainly enjoy a glass of wine before the flight!

For long haul I always try and book a night flight - the aim is to get most of the flight with the lights off so much more chance of the baby sleeping.

So at home prepare snacks then try and have dinner at the airport as it keeps them busy and awake. As the aim is the tire them out till they are on the plane.

Check-in 

I always ask sweetly for the best seat. You can get obsessed and check which plane you’re flying and what seat is best - I just hope I’m lucky. But always ask for a bulkhead aisle seat. Some Cathay planes have the bassinette shelf which helps with eating means and just balancing an ipad. Plus you have more leg room. Work your reward perks as much as possible - I try to stick to one or two airlines where possible and obviously upgrading to fly Premium or Business is a major perk with Club airmiles.

Get through passport control ideally with them in the buggy. If you are lucky enough to go in a Airport lounge with free food that’s makes things easier as you can set up a little base and it’s safer for them to wander about. Pizza Express is my other go-to as dough balls or margarita pizza isn’t too messy before the flight. Avoid the apple juice and any major sweet treats like ice cream for obvious reasons! It’s already exciting and different and they don’t need any more stimulation. Good snacks I’ve found are sugar free biscuits (Ikea do nice oat ones), raisins, banana, keep a favourite cake treat to bribe as back up!

Be at the gate in good time and give a heads up to the staff not the desk so they can take your buggy. Make sure they put it in a plastic bag or it will get filthy! Don’t rush to board - you know the plane won’t leave without you. Just skip the queue and go via the First/Business line even though your probably turning right not left without about 30 mins to take off.

The flight

When you get on the plane - expect the first hour to be rough! Put everything in the hold apart from your rucksack which can fit under the seat. Then only get down what you need during the flight such as the Trunkie with more toys and nappies. You might not need to bother. The key is to have as much space as possible to load up the seat pocket and slide the bottles down the side of the chairs.

People getting on and all the disruption of people getting settle, drinks being served, new things to lift and flick and pull. I try to wet wipe the remote and tray table as apparently there are more germs on airplanes than toilet seats. But I’m not going to freak out if he’s trying to put the remote in his mouth - I’ve wasted a number of hours on a flight before with Milo playing with the remote and pulling the arm rest up and down! I try to stop him fiddling with the tray table as it’s considerate to the passenger in front. But you just hope you have some compassionate and understanding fellow passengers! I always give big smiles to people in my immediate area and maybe start a little chat. Eye contact helps then if your baby does kick off they will feel sorry or you instead of giving you a hard time! The best passengers play peekaboo or giggle with your baby and I love anyone who will entertain Milo for 5 minutes here and there. Try and be that person. It literally can save your life when your baby is so bored of your company and just need some other stimulation.

Wait till the plane is on the runway then give the bottle and try to cuddle down. You may get then straight off but unlikely before the seatbelt sign is turned off and dinner served and people have mostly stopped going to the bathroom and settled down. But usually about an hour or two into the flight you hope they will get comfy (usually means you will be uncomfy!) and go to sleep. The plane engine noise does help. Or it doesn’t and they baby is awake for hours wriggling - or now the case is Milo is nearly 12kg at 20 months so actually sharing a seat is not that easy! You pray for a spare seat or just cope. And remember it’s a flight and it will end at some point. So if you need to take a trip to the bathroom to play with the taps, or walk up and down the isles waving at passengers, or stand at the back of the plane for an hour or so at a time then do what you need to do!

When you have about an hour to go on the flight the baby is probably awake - just get sorted and put things back up in the hold. Do a nappy change - ask for your baby bottle to be filled up with water if you are out of milk. I never wait for the whole plane to get off just get outta there!

It’s over!

When you disembark the plane buggy will be brought to the gate - so wait and then try and get them to sit in the buggy. Sometimes this is difficult as they want to run about after the flight. I found you can get a member of ground crew staff to meet you on arrival and get help at the baggage claim which feels a bit excessive but why be a martyr! Take the help if it is on offer! I did it once at Hong Kong airport with Milo was quite young and I felt like royalty! She took me all the way to our Uber and it was fantastic help after a long flight.

I would say mostly I’ve had good experience with airlines. I tend to not fly budget airlines anymore. They are risky in China with delays and make cattle class even worst. I’m lucky to fly a lot of reward flights with Cathay or Virgin. Cathay sort of do the bear minimum but I think most want to try and help especially if they see you are traveling alone. Virgin are my absolute favourite. They go out of their way to make the flight more enjoyable. For example, they gave me a footrest which was a dream when I was breastfeeding and a big bottle of Evian instead of small cups. As you always get so thirsty breastfeeding.

So to recap in brief!

As a mum accept you have to pack less (still a challenge for me every time)

Make sure you go to the loo before they fall asleep

Travel in dark colours (my husband says I dress like a puppeteer on planes) but means any spills and mess is less of a drama and you still look slightly presentable

For long haul book night flights where at all possible

Keep snacks, milk, water, ipad, wipes in arms reach

Accept your going to be walking the aisles, playing with the folding toilet door or taps, perching on the chair arm while your baby spreads out

Ask for help!

Remember it will end! And it is worth it to travel!