#then in later episodes jay does similar shit

[toastingpencils37]

Just want to rant about Kai a bit, and how he is in Season 1.

Because I fucking hate him in Season 1. I'm sorry, but he's just such an asshole. And not a funny and lovable asshole. Just an asshole, whether it's about the green ninja shit or Nya being a girl.

And he does improve after his True Potential episode (due to character development), but prior to it (and actually during part of it) he's just unbearable to me.

And I remember that as a kid I hated him as well during Season 1.

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 5x06- And the two partners had a fight...

I’ve been waiting for this episode for nearly a decade, and I didn’t even realize it. More under the cut. 

(This is very long! Please fight me on stuff and disagree because I just wrote all these words about this episode and I STILL want to talk about it more, it was that interesting!) 

This is the second episode in a row to start off with a TikTok video. 5x02 and 5x03 both ended with elevators. Is there some sort of pattern they’re going for here?  

This case—which is, it’s important to note, in Wackner’s court—is about TikTok content creators and copyright laws. Probably not enough material for a full case, but definitely an interesting theme to explore.

Marissa doesn’t have her laptop volume off (which I suppose makes sense; she was just playing the TikTok videos) and a notification sounds. She shuts the laptop.

Wackner rules that the profits made from the TikTok dance must be split evenly between the guy who stole the dance for his video game and the creator. The thief does not like this, removes his moose costume (oh, yeah, did I mention they’re in costumes again?), and starts shouting that he’s going to sue and then moons the whole court. Okay!

He follows through on his threat, and next thing we know, Liz, Cord, Wackner, and Marissa are meeting to discuss strategy.

Liz’s computer makes the same noise Marissa’s did; she punches some keys.

Liz points out that Wackner’s biggest problem is that real judges are not going to like Wackner playacting as a judge. “I’m not playing a judge. I am a judge,” Wackner says. Liz notes that Wackner’s court lacks any way of forcing people to comply with his rulings, but real court can shut him down.

I guess whatever keys Liz punched did not silence the annoying notification sound.

She asks Wackner to try not to become the focus of the court case, since that’s how they’ll lose. “This is why I started a court,” Wackner says after Liz instructs him to only answer yes or no and to wear a suit.  

Liz asks Marissa to keep Wackner in line. She says she’ll try.

Now we are at the Black Lawyers Association, where there’s a panel with leaders from Chicago’s four top black law firms. For reasons passing understanding, DIANE is on this panel. This makes absolutely no sense (I mean, unless only white people were involved in this decision, and even then!) and I’ll only excuse it because they mention later that it makes no sense for Diane to have been on this panel.  

I wonder why everyone else’s firm gets named but not Diane’s.  

Diane also gets the first question, which is, pointedly, about opportunities for black lawyers. Her phone starts making the annoying notification sound. Ever heard of silent mode??  

The annoying sound happens every five seconds at the RL offices. According to David Lee, it happens twenty times an hour, but it seems like more than that! He, for some reason, goes to Carmen to ask how to stop the sound. He also wants to know what it is. Carmen explains that it is “Dawnk” which is a new messaging system within the company.  

On Dawnk, you can talk about anything you want and be anonymous. Who approved this?! In one frame, I can see there’s someone complaining about someone being promoted too fast because of “the future is female bs.” In another, someone is upset that they are anonymous and wants to use their real name (only Jay, who is otherwise absent from this episode, seems to have figured out how to turn this anon mode off).

Sorry, before I can get on board with this plot, I just need to note for the record how phenomenally stupid the idea of using anonymous messaging software within a company is. This was obviously not going to end well! It’s like workplace YikYak... (remember YikYak?!)  

David Lee hates the idea of a messaging software; Carmen says the associates prefer this.  

Jay is being very nice in the chat and defends the person who was promoted “too fast”.

“Who’s ‘Anonymous Crab’?” David Lee asks. Well, I think the fact they are “anonymous” should be a bit of a hint there, David.  

Anonymous Crab asks, “How the hell did this happen??! How did Diane end up at a Black Conference speaking for our firm?” Good question, Anonymous Crab.

Anon Crab also shares a video and David Lee doesn’t understand how to press play. Carmen plays it for him. Diane looks really awful on the panel. No shit! David Lee seems to enjoy Diane looking bad, even though he should be able to connect the dots between Diane looking bad and potential for bad things to come for the firm...  

Not only does Diane get quizzed about why she’s running a firm that is still insisting on calling itself a black firm, she also gets questions about her insurrectionist husband. “He was completely cleared of those charges,” Diane notes. Oh, hey!!!!! Remember how last week I said I’d be more surprised if that was the end of the FBI nonsense than if it continued? I am surprised!! And relieved. Mostly relieved. Dealing with the consequences of that high profile, relationship-straining ordeal is so much more interesting to me than any FBI machinations.  

Next Diane is asked if Kurt just took a job to revitalize the NRA. She hasn’t heard of this yet. I’m glad she’s getting grilled on this stuff... it is about time.  

There’s a hint that Carmen will be representing Mr. Rapey next week. I assume that’s why there’s a line where David checks in with Carmen on Mr. Rapey’s case?  

Anon Platypus says, “I heard she didn’t even have seniority. She just jumped past other black partners to become our name partner. It’s crazy!!!” Anon Platypus is correct—technically. Diane was a name partner at one of Chicago’s top firms before joining RL, so while she skipped the line... that doesn’t seem to me like the PRIMARY issue in bringing her on. The primary issue is that bringing on someone that senior from outside the company is more similar to a merger than a promotion, and Diane’s partnership meant changes for the firm.  

Other anonymous animals also don’t like Diane. One calls her clueless; another says that “Liz needs to do something about this.” Someone responds to that, “Liz will never do it on her own,” which is an interesting sentiment I want to come back to in a little bit.  

“What is Black Twitter?” David Lee asks Liz out of the blue. “People on Twitter who are black and talk to each other,” Liz responds. David Lee asks how he can find it. “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you,” Liz jokes. And to think Jay said Liz wasn’t funny!  

The Dawnk conversation shifts and now everyone’s ragging on Julius for representing Kurt and just generally being a Trump voter. There’s a lot of heated and racial language I’m not going to type here, enough to make Julius spit out his coffee and storm down to the associate floor.

He goes to Devin, who I’m not sure if we’ve seen before but is high ranking enough to have Lucca’s old office, to get information on the anonymous posts.

Anonymous Bison says, “Unpopular opinion: I blame Adrian.” Hey, Anon Bison, let’s be friends! I am with you. Adrian is the one who brought Diane on, who encouraged them to lean into Julius’s Trump connections, and who pushed the firm to pursue profit over everything else. Diane and Julius aren’t blameless (though I don’t actually think defending Kurt is a bad thing) but if there’s someone who actively strategized to make RL what it is today? Adrian all the way.  

In what world does noting that Julius is pissed in an anonymous message do ANYTHING to stop people who are pissed at him? If they were that concerned about him being pissed they wouldn’t have said anything in the first place.  

Liz and opposing counsel talk over each other in court until the judge makes them stop. I think we’ve seen both the judge and opposing counsel this season, making me wonder if there’s a bit of a COVID bubble situation going on here with the guest stars.  

Judge Farley jokes about “contempt cards” that go up in value and Wackner, of course, is all, “Wow, I really love that.”  

Liz, whose entire strategy was to not let on that anyone calls Wackner a judge, refers to Wackner as “Judge Wackner.” Come on, Liz! (I buy that she’d slip up—there's no one in the world I wouldn’t believe slipping up—but ugh!)  

How did the opposition not realize that they could make this about Wackner’s “crazy court” by referring to him as Judge Wackner? You’d think they’d be all over that.  

Judge Farley looks SO unhappy that Wackner would refer to himself as a judge; it’s phenomenal.  

Now Marissa stumbles over stuff because she’s, for some reason, speaking in court. I bought Liz’s dumb moment more.  

The plaintiff’s strategy is to make it look like Wackner is of unsound mind, and they’ve got video evidence. Remember how Del, Cord, and Wackner all chatted in the RL elevator? Well, turns out that lead to a reality show about Wackner for Del’s streaming service. Sounds about right.  

I don’t really think Wackner cares about attention or anyone else’s motivations... I think he just likes the idea of budget and an audience and a platform.  

Liz meets Del for a romantic dinner and asks him when he was going to tell her about Wackner’s show. Del doesn’t understand why she’s upset. He doesn’t get why he would’ve needed her permission to go into business with Wackner. (I don’t think he’s wrong from a business POV, but from a relationship POV, he totally should’ve let her know!)  

Liz says he should’ve asked because they’re using it against her in court. “That is unfortunate, baby, but this streaming show could be really good for Wackner. It’ll draw attention to his court. And... as I say that...that sounds... okay, look I’m sorry,” Del realizes. I like that he sees that Liz has a point. He goes on to note that he would be totally open to Liz trying to go into business with any of his acquaintances, and I think he genuinely means it.  

Del notes that this is what “power couples” do. Oh? So they’re an official couple? Don’t power couples also associate in public and not hide their relationship from their colleagues?  

This is the place where I note, yet again, that it is always going to be more interesting to see a relationship that feels realistic than to see a relationship that feels like it takes place in a vacuum.  

Liz doesn’t want Wackner becoming popular. Del argues someone else would’ve made the show if he didn’t, and that “disrupters gotta disrupt.” Oh God.  

Are we going to remember that Liz has a child at any point this season?  

Diane is reading the Dawnk discussion at home. It’s still lively even after work hours. The associates appear to be discussing the vaccine before someone changes the topic to “the Diane situation.”

One associate notes that the partners probably aren’t happy about Diane either and just have to vote her out. Kurt arrives home as Diane reads this, reacts to the loud music Diane has playing, the open alcohol, and her general demeanor and asks if they’re getting drunk. “Are we getting a job with the NRA?” she counters.  

Turns out it’s not entirely untrue about Kurt and the NRA. They want him for a new role. It would pay $167,000. I can’t decide if I think that’s a lot (objectively that’s a high salary) or not very much at all (isn’t Kurt the top of his field?)  

Kurt notes he doesn’t have a job so he’s considering it. “Diane, our politics are very different,” he starts. “I know,” Diane says. “I’m, lately, struck by just how different they are.”

“I would just like one week when I don’t have to defend you,” Diane says in frustration. Kurt doesn’t even know what that means at the current moment.  

“You’ll tell me when they offer you the job?” Diane asks. “They may not offer it,” Kurt says. “No, they will,” Diane says, because she knows that it’s basically a done deal already.  

In the middle of the night, Diane turns to Kurt and tries to ask him a question. That wakes him up. She asks who he voted for in 2020 and he doesn’t answer. Uh oh.  

Dreaming now, Diane sits up and asks, “Hello? What do I do?” More on that later...

The HR nightmare known as Dawnk is still going wild the next day at the office. (Seriously, with HR that strict, the anon feature would’ve been disabled the second the first semi-controversial comment was posted.) Everyone’s obsessed.  

The partners, minus Diane, all gather in Liz’s office to discuss Dawnk (and the topics of conversation on Dawnk). Madeline says they should ignore it. I say they should make STR Laurie shut it down and be the bad guy. It is nonsensical that this workplace would continue to allow Dawnk to continue! In addition to being an HR nightmare, it’s also a drain on productivity if everyone’s constantly glued to it, and I imagine STR Laurie cares about profit more than anything else.  

But like I really don’t get why Madeline says they can’t censor their associates. Of course they can shut down the app if they want to! Someone put the app there in the first place, no? I do understand not wanting to look like you’re violating free speech (even though taking away anonymous commenting in the workplace would not be a violation of free speech) but I highly doubt it would be only the partners complaining. Tina, whose promotion was called into question, would be complaining too. Anyone trying to get work done, or anyone who didn’t like the toxic culture, or anyone who was uncomfortable with a joke made, would be complaining. There are more than enough reasons it would be perfectly acceptable to take the anon commenting away.

Now the partners are fighting about Kurt’s case too. “Diane is not responsible for her husband,” Liz says when Madeline says that Diane should’ve known better than to get involved. Um, Liz, Madeline is right. Diane isn’t responsible for Kurt’s actions but she’s sure as hell responsible for volunteering to represent him.  

“In the real world of this firm, Diane’s billable hours speak for themselves,” Liz notes when a partner tries to call Diane’s unsavory associations into question.  

“The rest of us put in the hours too, for the record,” notes another partner. I’m sure... but do you put in DIANE’S hours and have DIANE’S client list? My guess is no. If Diane weren’t the biggest earner at the firm we wouldn’t be having this debate. She’d just be gone. She’d never have been at the firm to begin with.  

“Liz, when I joined this firm, it was because of your father’s legacy. It was about Black civil rights, activism, justice. That’s what people talked about in meetings. Now, people talk about billable hours, million-dollar clients, corporate payouts. Now, I know it’s not your fault. That was Boseman’s vision and we were trying to survive the Trump years by bringing in white lawyers, but those days are gone. They’re done with. And I miss being a strong black firm,” Madeline says. Everyone but Liz (and probably Julius) seems to agree with that.

This is one of many interesting facets of this issue. When Madeline argues against Diane, she’s not just arguing that she wants a black person running the firm for optics. She’s not saying that Diane-but-black would be an acceptable choice. She is saying she wants RL to be the firm it was at the very very start of the show—a firm committed to social justice, not maximizing revenue. A firm that didn’t just accept every client that came their way because they love profit. A firm that stood for something. So my question is: Does Liz want that firm?  

Liz is hard to read throughout this whole plot, and I think that may be intentional. Liz isn’t a manager by training—she was an AUSA who suddenly became a name partner at a firm (if you want to talk about seniority and skipping the line, Liz is a way better example than Diane—you can even through some nepotism, twice over, in there). She doesn’t seem to have a clear goal for her firm other than maintaining the status quo and keeping power. Liz not taking a stronger stance from the start (either accepting that they are no longer going to be a social justice-oriented firm or pushing to get them back to that place) allows these kinds of questions to fester. It’s my hope that this becomes text instead of subtext pretty soon, ‘cause this is the kind of thing that if it’s subtext for too long will start to feel like bad writing/Liz being conveniently clueless. It’s way more interesting if Liz is just not yet good at being a manager... because she is learning on the job.  

Anyway. I think the ideal solution here is probably that Diane and Liz continue to run RL: A STR Laurie Company (the fact they’re owned by corporate overlords kind of makes any decision about RL’s mission moot) since Diane wants to do that and Liz seems to be content where she is. Madeline and the other partners, instead of trying to force STRL to let them pursue the cases they want, can accept pay cuts and go start their own firm. Maybe they can even team up with Barbara Kolstad!  

None of that’s to say that the dilemma here is easily solvable, nor is it to say that Diane shouldn’t consider stepping down. I’ll say more on that later. My point here is just that this issue is much deeper than just if Diane is on the letterhead or not. As long as they’re owned by STR Laurie and have clients like Rivi, Diane stepping aside would just be a band-aid.  

(And that, I think, is intentional... they’ve been building the “why are we even representing x?” tension pretty consistently this season, so I imagine it’s on the writers’ minds.)  

Diane stumbles across the secret partner’s meeting and knows something’s up.  

“You gotta handle this, Liz. You cannot have a white partner leading a black firm. We’ll lose clients with that kind of hypocrisy” Madeline insists after Diane heads back to her office. I’ve already said it, but just to say it in a less rambly way: Madeline is right, but she’s right IF AND ONLY IF the goal is to be a black firm. So, Liz, is it?  

(They’ll lose clients, sure, but which ones? They’ll lose the clients Madeline wants while Diane continues to keep bringing in business and Rivi and Cord and Wolfe-Colman and their elk* stay put.)  

*I know this is not the correct word; see 6x17 of TGW

David Lee has also noticed the meeting in Liz’s office and thinks this may be the “beginning of the end.” Diane glares at him and he says he was just joking.

Diane schedules a meeting with Liz. Liz’s assistant doesn’t know Diane by voice, adding to her frustration.

Credits! We are 22 minutes in! This might be a record if 5x01 hadn’t saved the credits til the very end!  

I’ve already written more than I did last week by a couple hundred words.  

Two interesting things about the credits. First, this episode was written by Aurin Squire. Forgive me if I’ve mentioned this in a prior recap (I know I thought about it but can’t remember if I deleted), but I think Aurin Squire and Davita Scarlett are key to why TGF and Evil are both always so good. They’re the two writers other than the Kings who are in both the TGF and Evil rooms, and they both REALLY seem to be on the same wavelength as the Kings. I imagine that having four people who are in both rooms helps with managing both at basically the same time.  

(This isn’t where I wanted to go with this bullet point, but I may as well shout out how great Evil is this season, too! It also just aired an episode by Aurin Squire about the lead white female character realizing her privilege!)  

Second, this episode was directed by Brooke Kennedy. I didn’t know that going in, but seconds before the director credit popped up, I was thinking to myself, “this episode feels like it’s going to be a very important one. I bet Brooke directed it.” I was very pleased to see her name appear.  

(For anyone who doesn’t know, Brooke is an EP who’s been involved in nearly every episode of both Wife and Fight and she tends to direct important episodes that require a lot of familiarity with the characters. She directed 5x15 of The Good Wife and she’s done a bunch of the premieres and finales that Robert King hasn’t claimed for himself.)  

Diane and Liz meet in a bar to catch up. Diane’s still staring at Dawnk. Liz takes her phone and silences the notifications. “Who thought that sound was pleasing?” Diane complains. “All day in court today,” Liz commiserates. Carmen had to teach her how to silence the notifications. Liz, you’re using an iPhone, there is a very easy to use switch that silences your phone, like you would need to for court. I know you know this.  

(I think Diane, despite her complaining about the sound, is captivated by Dawnk.)  

Liz orders soda water instead of a drink. I assume that’s intentional, perhaps because she knows this isn’t going to be an easy conversation or a long night of drinking? She has wine in an earlier scene.  

I love that Liz and Diane chat about Dawnk even though there’s no real plot reason for them to spend this much time discussing it. Little moments like this make me believe Liz and Diane are actually colleagues who get along well and make management decisions together.  

Diane asks if Liz thinks Dawnk actually increases productivity. Liz laughs—she does not. But she knows the associates would “riot” if they got rid of it. She’s right. I still think they can get rid of it without too much blowback. But at least they’re acknowledging this.  

“What do the partners think?” Diane asks, very intentionally shifting the subject. You can hear it in Christine’s voice and see it in her body language—Diane is looking for an opportunity to talk about what she wants to talk about.

“God, Madeline can’t even open it. She’s lost her password three times. She finally just gave up,” Liz says. This is concerning! Madeline should know how to open an app! Probably not unrealistic, though. When you’re that senior, you probably don’t need to know how to use a messaging app. And messaging apps can be confusing sometimes. Like, I still don’t understand how to use Discord.  

The captions have a line I can’t hear in this scene—Liz (I presume?) saying “You know, ‘cause it’s Madeline.” This makes it sound like Madeline is a little less than competent, no?  

“Thanks for sitting down with me, Liz,” Diane says in a quite serious tone. “Of course. So, you’re wondering about the meeting today?” Liz immediately understands. “I am.” “Yeah. Uh, it was about Julius. He’s being harassed on Dawnk,” Liz explains.

“Okay, and I couldn’t be a part of that?” Diane wants to know. “He’s being harassed because he’s defending your husband,” Liz explains. Diane doesn’t seem surprised (perhaps because she, too, would have read these messages?). “Well, that’s unfortunate. We’ve represented people far worse than Kurt, who, by the way, was found innocent,” Diane argues like they’re having a very different conversation. It’s one thing to represent rapists and murderers and drug lords—and I’d argue that the same people pissed about Kurt are also pissed about them!-- and another for your leadership to be married to/close friends with someone who you believe participated in the events of 1/6.  

“I’m not saying it wasn’t. But, January 6th. I mean, we watched the Confederate flag make its way into the Capitol building. You know, those people that Kurt didn’t want to turn over to the FBI, those people. They don’t even want us alive,” Liz says better than I ever could. I think it’s important that Liz mentions a POV that likely wouldn’t have ever crossed Diane’s mind here. This is a small glimpse of why it could be so important to have black leadership at a black firm. Would Diane be thinking about the implications of having the Confederate flag in the Capitol? Probably not in the same way that Liz instantly does.  

“Well, not all of them,” Diane Lockhart, who is suddenly an idiot, says. Liz looks at her drink and grimaces, and Diane realizes she’s said something wrong. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I’m certainly not defending those people. They’re all despicable traitors.”

“And now, that’s what people are saying about Julius,” Liz explains. “And me?” Diane asks, though she already knows the answer. Liz doesn’t want to answer that. Before she can say anything, Diane asks if she’s being pushed out.  

“No. Not pushed out. You’re a name partner. You can’t be pushed out,” Liz clarifies. Diane knows there’s a but. “The partners just think you should do the right thing,” Liz adds.

“And step aside?” Diane asks. “No. Stay in the firm. Stay as an equity partner, just step back from your managerial role,” Liz says. Diane pauses. “Liz, I... I pull in the big clients. I... I get the billable hours. But still, ‘maybe you should step aside.’ Weren’t we going to form a firm led by women?” Diane argues. Oh, wow, I have so much to say.

First, I completely understand why Diane doesn’t want to give up her title or her power. She's Diane Lockhart! She’s been one of the best in her field for decades. She’s not wrong about the clients and billable hours. It’s just that every time Diane decides to be at this firm, making arguments about how she should retain her role in power, she’s saying that she values her own career/appearance more than the values she claims to care about. And every time she refuses to take a back seat or threatens to walk rather than sacrifice, she’s saying she’ll only through her weight behind her colleagues and their mission if she gets credit for it. To be clear, I don’t think it would be the shittiest decision in the world if Diane decided to walk, to take her clients to a new firm and to let RL become the firm Madeline and the rest envision. It’s asking a lot of her to give up that power and prestige. The interesting part of this dilemma is, to me, that Diane claims to value working for RL and to be active in the fight against racism... but the second she’s forced to choose between that fight and her own power, we all know what Diane is going to choose. There was never really any doubt. Diane doesn’t have to be on the forefront of this fight if she doesn’t want to... but she can’t claim to be invested in the fight if she isn’t willing to sacrifice, at all.

Second, LMAO at this firm led by women idea. Every time Diane talks about her firm led by women idea it sounds sillier! Not because a firm led by women is silly, but because Diane has a habit of saying this like it is a shared goal and each time she references it, it sounds less and less intersectional. For example, when she says it here, she’s essentially saying a firm led by women only has meaning if one of those women is a white woman (specifically a white woman named Diane Lockhart). Who’s to say that Madeline wouldn’t be made partner in Diane’s absence? Or Barbara (haha) or someone else we haven’t met? There is a very real possibility that Liz and another woman could run the firm and Diane would still be unhappy about it. Diane doesn’t ask Liz for a commitment that if she does step aside, her replacement would be female (idk if it’s legal to make this commitment but you get my point). Diane acts like asking her to step aside is already a betrayal of the female led firm.  

“And I hope that it will be,” Liz says, basically hinting to Diane that there are women in the world besides her.  

“But black women?” Diane says, agitatedly. “Diane, I... am not voting against you. I promised you that I wouldn’t. But there is growing anger here. They want to address it at the next partners' meeting. So just think about it,” Liz responds.

I think Liz is totally fair and forthcoming in this scene and strikes pretty much the right tone for this initial conversation. She gives Diane a choice and is honest with her.  

“You’re a good person,” Liz adds. Diane does a double-take, understanding that Liz is actually telling her “You are a good person, so you know that you absolutely need to step aside.”  

“No, I’m not!” Diane responds. As I said: Diane already knows what she is going to do. She needs to do mental gymnastics to excuse her actions, but her mind was made up before the question was even raised. (She did warn Liz in 5x01 she was going to fight any attempt to push her out.)

“Yes, you are,” Liz says again. She may as well be saying, “No, don’t try this. Everyone will think you’re in the wrong if you push this.”

Later, at home, Diane is doing some stretches on the floor and groaning. I don’t know if this scene is meant to show her age, but it does remind me that Diane is nearly 70 and started off this show by planning to retire. Retirement doesn’t seem to be an option for her here. (That’s fine by me; she is a workaholic whose career is her life.)

Kurt asks Diane what she wants to do. She says she wants to keep her name on the letterhead and “keep what I fought for.” Heh, I was just re-reading something I wrote about Cary a while ago and I’d pointed out that when Alicia and Cary discuss merging with what’s left of LG, Cary is also concerned about his name on the letterhead because even though he wants to change the world, he also cares about having power. It’s almost like Diane and Cary are really similar characters! (They are! That’s why the Diane/Cary moment in Hitting the Fan is so good!)  

Diane calls her position as name partner a fight against “gender and then age discrimination.” She isn’t wrong, especially when you consider how meaningful it likely was when she and Stern went into business together. It’s very easy for me to forget that when Diane has such an attachment to fighting for white women’s rights, it’s not just because she’s out of touch and selfish: it’s because that was something she personally had to fight for. That doesn’t make it okay that she seems to forget the concept of intersectionality (which she’s definitely aware of) the second anything challenges her own power, but it does explain why a firm run by women is so important to her.

Diane is not wrong that she deserves name partnership and she’s not wrong to not want to step aside. Yet, starting a war to retain her position as name partner is a CHOICE. The best thing for Diane to do here (morally, I mean) would be for her to step aside and throw her resources behind the firm’s new leadership, using her experiences and stature to benefit the firm (this would also be a way for her to cement her legacy and mentor a new generation of leaders). The best compromise, I think, would be for someone to leave the current firm—either Diane or the dissenting partners, probably Diane since Liz seems to agree with Madeline—without any hard feelings. The worst possible choice is for Diane to insist that this firm is hers and force every single tension at the firm to come to a head, screwing over Liz in the process and potentially permanently ruining the firm’s status as a black firm. Sooo... yeah.  

(I say it could ruin the firm’s status as a black firm because if Diane’s a white partner who happens to be there and the firm is mostly black, that’s one thing. If Diane is a white partner who fought all of the black partners to assert her own dominance over their firm... that’s hard to come back from. She can’t really call herself an ally, can she?)  

“Diane, this is the first time I’ve ever heard you sound defeated,” Kurt says. “Because I can’t win this,” she says. She insists she can’t even after Kurt tries to cheer her on (of course he does, he probably thinks having an all black firm is just identity politics and therefore worthless).

“You just don’t want to,” Kurt says. He is not wrong. This is a winnable fight for Diane. Liz is smart but Diane has the experience, the clients, the power, and her own reputation to use in this fight. Liz has her dad’s name (and I don’t think it would come to this, but Diane knows how she can pretty easily destroy Liz’s dad’s reputation). (Liz is great, don’t get me wrong. Liz is also someone who happened into a name partnership because her dad was important.)  

“It’s bigger than that. To fight this would go against every fiber of my being,” Diane says. “Every fiber in your being is about winning,” Kurt counters. Oh, damn. That’s a succinct way of putting it. He is completely right. Diane would love to think that every fiber of her being is about her commitment to social justice and women’s rights. It is not. If that were the case, would she really be a lawyer with clients like ChumHum, Bishop, Sweeney, Rivi, and Wolfe-Colman? We all know the answer to this. We all know Diane likes social justice a lot but winning, wealth, and power far more.

When I first watched TGW, now nearly a decade ago, I was a high schooler and my media diet mostly consisted of Desperate Housewives and a bunch of procedurals like Bones and Castle. The thing that hooked me about TGW—more than Alicia’s journey, more than anything—was that TGW never had easy answers to anything. Will tells Diane in 1x07 that “nothing here is pure and nothing here is simple” and that basically blew my mind. TGW always made it obvious that Will was morally gray, which fascinated me. But I struggled with Diane. Here was this woman who looked like she should be someone so impressive and inspirational I could write a college admissions essay about her (I did not, but that was my frame of reference at the time)… but the decisions she made... never seemed all that great?? I couldn’t comprehend it.  

When Blue Ribbon Panel aired in March 2012, I wrote to a friend, “Diane confused me a little bit tonight. She didn’t approve of Alicia standing up to the panel, and yet, she’s supposed to care about people, the truth, morality, etc etc. I never understand Diane’s motivations– is her philosophy to help others whenever it wouldn’t hurt her, personally, to do so?”  

At that point, Diane compromising her values struck me as something confusing because I wanted to think of her as a powerful role model and icon, and I didn’t know what to do with someone who looked like and often was role model material who also sometimes betrayed her values for her own self-interest. I had my analysis of Diane down: she her motivations ARE to help others whenever it wouldn’t hurt her, personally, to do so. All I needed to do was remove my question mark from the end of that thought.  

I promise I’ll move on from quoting myself, but I also want to share a paragraph I wrote about Diane in March 2014 (during season five of Wife) because it says what I want to say now as well as anything I could write today:

Diane is driven and ambitious. Her initial actions can come as the result of intense emotions, but given enough time and space, Diane will always be strategic and pragmatic when it comes to business. She’s spent her entire life putting her career first, and she wouldn’t have it any other way. That she found love is just icing.  Kurt aside, the two most important things to Diane are advancing her own self-interest and doing good in the world. These objectives appear to be a contradiction, and often, they are. Nine times out of ten, when it comes down to it, she’ll choose herself. I mean no judgment here: another central aspect of Diane’s character is that she’s upfront about her choices and stands by them, and this sort of moral ambiguity makes for a great character.  

The reason I quote myself here is not to be like, ha ha, I was right. It's because I think this episode is even more powerful because I can copy/paste in stuff I wrote nine years ago or seven years ago (oh god, 2014 was seven years ago?) verbatim and it can hold up as analysis. Both Fight and Wife have always implied Diane’s selfish side and given more than enough evidence to make a convincing argument about it, but they’ve never really engaged with it directly (and if you ask the social media teams for either show, Diane is a #queen who can never do wrong). This episode interrogates something that’s always been an unpleasant part of Diane’s character, and I’m so fucking glad about it.  

(I don’t think anyone’s accusing Diane of not growing as a person but it crossed my mind that this could be seen as lack of growth. I don’t think it is. I wouldn’t expect Diane to change. Her life and career are so set that growth on this without a LOT of struggle on her part would feel like a cop out.)  

Another reason I quote myself is to highlight how friggin’ character driven this episode is. I’ve seen a lot of people saying this episode felt like old-school TGW—and it absolutely does; that’s also how I felt—and I think that’s because it’s so character focused and meaty.  

But back to this scene. Kurt tells Diane that if she doesn’t try to win she should just give up entirely. Seems like bad advice.  

“Kurt, I appreciate the pep talk, but I don’t think the way you think. I cannot put my interests above a whole group of people—black people—just so I can keep my position.” Sure you can, Diane. You just don’t like to believe that about yourself. You know how Diane says to Kurt earlier that she knows the NRA will offer him the job? That is how I feel about this scene. The writers go to great lengths to explain where Diane’s head is at when she decides to fight for her partnership, but they’d have needed to do ten times more to get me to believe Diane would step aside voluntarily.  

Kurt basically thinks that Diane should fight because if her competition is actually talented enough to deserve name partnership, they should fight her for it. He’s missing the point here.  

“But a black person’s talent has always been valued less than mine,” Diane counters. The fact she knows and understands this makes her decision even less forgivable.  

Kurt knows he’s going to lose this argument and tries the same strategy he did on 5x01: telling Diane she’s right and should just give up and leave the firm. Diane doesn’t like that answer either.  

Given how much I loathed Jay’s hallucinations, I was expecting that when Diane asks Kurt in the middle of the night if he believes the election was stolen and then sits down at her fireplace to have a chat with Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I’d loathe what happened next. I did not! I actually really liked it!  

I think this is more effective than Jay’s hallucinations, at least for me, because it's less gimmicky. It isn’t played for humor or quirk, and it gets to the character-driven point a LOT faster. This feels more similar to Alicia imagining Gloria Steinem is telling her she’s good enough to be on the Supreme Court in 6x03 than it does to Jay’s hallucinations.  

I LOVE that Diane would dream that RBG would advise her on her work dilemma. Dream!RBG tells Diane that “any law firm would be insane to let you go.” (I don’t wanna spend too much time fighting dream logic, but I feel like the operative phrase here is ‘let you go’. Are the RL partners seeing this as letting Diane go? Or are they just trying to get at a different goal and Diane is in the way, and they don’t really care if Diane has top connections or billable hours? It’s almost like the other RL partners want a firm that stands for something and all Diane has stood for thus far at the firm is profit...)  

Diane pushes back on RBG and RBG shares her “real” thoughts. This is where this sequence clicks into place for me, because it’s working on a LOT of levels. Obviously, Diane is going to imagine that her hero tells her to do exactly what she wants to do (the aforementioned mental gymnastics). But without losing the level on which this is dream!RBG and filtered through Diane’s POV, the writers are also... criticizing RBG for not stepping down herself!? It’s fascinating and pointed and makes her the exact right choice to play Diane’s conscience.  

Dream!RBG shares her life story and notes how she was always asked to step aside, but she didn’t and that’s how she got to be RBG. “Don’t step aside because someone wants you to. Don’t step aside for politics. Men are always asking women to step aside so a man can go first,” RBG advises Diane. Even Diane knows that this isn’t exactly equal to her current situation-- “Even though I’m being asked to step aside so that a black person can take my place?” she counters.  

So RBG asks if Diane can still do something “for women” if she says. Diane says yes, and RBG says Diane should do that instead of stepping aside—she should do whatever it takes. That’s the wrong takeaway, Diane! If you want to do something for women then a) you could do something for the black women at your firm lol or b) you could politely remove yourself from the firm, encourage your most profitable clients to stay on if they are wanted by the other partners or and/or c) you could choose to bring your talent and your stature to a non-profit. But, of course, these options aren’t on the table. There’s a reason the options are leave and lose everything or stay and fight for name partnership, and it’s that Diane cares about maintaining control of what she sees as hers and winning more than she cares about anything else, including or even especially her desire to help women.

And also what women is she even helping at RL? Herself? She’s certainly not helping Wolfe-Coleman's rape victim. The closest she’s recently come to helping women is when she told off Weinstein’s lawyer and tried to start #MeToo... in a DREAM.  

The score for the next sequence sounds so familiar and I can’t place it. At first, I thought it was Hitting the Fan, but I’m not sure if that’s the right reference (also, damn, the Hitting the Fan score is REALLY GOOD!). I think it might be similar to 5x14 when Alicia’s pacing back and forth in the hotel room.  

Anyway, Diane starts meeting with her (white, male) clients to tell them about how she’s stepping aside. She hasn’t run this past any of the other partners, of course. She’s doing exactly what they want, in the most malicious and calculated way possible.

One of her clients is a fracking client who wants to win over democrats by being a RL client.  

Diane is so sneaky here! No one said that if Diane steps aside as partner she can’t handle the day to day on her cases... yet that’s what Diane tells this client since she knows it’ll make him mad!  

Diane makes a point of showing her fracking client that his new representation will be Madeline. He doesn’t know anything about Madeline, and, as Diane was likely counting on, he isn’t confident in having a black woman he’s less “comfortable” with on his cases. I don’t know if Diane was going for the racial element here, but... if you’re really concerned about continuity, you don’t have this meeting without having Madeline ready to jump in and show she’s read up on the client. I’m sure it’s possible that Diane meant nothing in giving this client only Madeline’s name, title, gender, and race to go off of, but is that likely?  

She hands another (white, male) client off to Julius, whom she describes as a “very competent lawyer.” What an introduction. She says she’s not retiring and the firm “just wants to let some other people step forward into a name partner position.” Diane knows how to sell clients on changes they won’t like. She knows this isn’t how you do it.  

That phrase, “comfortable with you” is doing a lot of work, no? Both clients so far have said it, and while it might not be racially coded... it’s racially coded.  

“Who should we call about it?” the clients ask. Diane can barely keep herself from smiling.

They call David Lee, immediately. He takes the call in the middle of a meeting, while someone else is talking—he is David Lee, after all.

The information on the screen in David’s meeting is quite interesting. It’s about STRL’s plans for RL. Here’s how the firm is described: “RL is a high-end mid-sized Chicago law firm that can consolidate its specialized brand within the American POC community and expand its national and global brand with STR Laure.” Soooo... yeah. For the corporate overloards, RL needs it to be just black enough that it appears like a black firm, but they care more about appearances and branding than anything of substance. (Notice how it says “POC” and not black? Notice how there’s this mention of national and global presence that doesn’t seem to be on the RL partners’ mind?)  

There’s an area called room for growth, listing top clients—entertainment law, fracking, the DNC, and civil cases against CPD. Interestingly, two of these are Liz’s clients (entertainment and DNC), one is Adrian’s (civil cases against CPD), and only fracking is Diane’s... so maybe I didn’t give Liz enough credit earlier.  

There’s also a plan of action that includes partners working with STRL and the 15-20% layoffs we already know about. I don’t think this text is meant to include any new info, but I assume one of the writers had a hand in writing it and it’s a good way of confirming things that had been subtext.

Wackner’s reality show looks... well, like his court, because his court always looked like a reality show. Cutting together the most out-there moments (audience reaction cards, Wackner singing “Come on defense!”, Wackner renaming himself Judge Shmuley for a day) makes Wackner look pretty bad.

Hey Liz, I thought you figured out how to silence your notifications for Dawnk permanently. (It’s not all high-stakes controversy over on the “R&L General” channel—the anon animals are now discussing a broken coffee maker.) (Though even this discussion is a bit political! Anon Owl says they bet STR’s coffee machine works, and Anon Dolphin wants to know why they don’t have more coffee maters at RL.)  

There’s also a dance party—which Marissa participates in—in the footage of Wackner.  

Hey, wouldn’t Marissa have reported the cameras to Diane and Liz? I feel like she’d know they’d want to know.  

Wackner ends up on the stand to offer context for the strange-looking clips. In a smart move, Liz offers to just let Judge Farley ask questions—she knows that’s what Farley is really after.

Unsurprisingly, Wackner’s context makes his outrageous practices seem much more reasonable. There’s a scoreboard to keep lawyers aware of where they’re standing so they can gauge instead of guess at Wackner’s thought process. Shmuley is to honor a recently deceased relative. The costumes are to prevent bias and cut down entitlement.  

Plaintiff’s counsel argues that Wackner is biased and the case continues even though Wackner’s (mostly) won over Farley.  

The case next turns to something about copyright law that sounds downright silly—the point is to underline that Wackner’s court makes more sense than real court on some things. It makes more common sense and it’s less racist.  

Del gets called into court. It’s interesting how these scenes are blocked together rather than spread out. The same is true of Diane’s scenes—after credits, we have Diane and Liz at the bar, Diane at home, Diane talking to RBG, Diane making moves, and then David Lee becoming aware of the situation. Then we have several consecutive court scenes (all of which feel like they have natural break points) of Wackner stuff. If I had to guess, I would guess that it’s to keep the momentum going. The Diane stuff plays better when it feels like a continuous chain rather than a subplot.  

(The only thing that suffers is that I have no idea why there’s a court scene about copyright law right after the plaintiff argues they have evidence about Wackner’s bias? I probably wouldn’t have even noticed if the scenes had been spread out more.)  

Now Cord’s involvement with Wackner’s court becomes an issue. It’s funny they need a witness to bring up Cord when Cord is SITTING IN THE COURT ROOM.  

Apparently Cord is financing a company that would compete with the plaintiff’s company and this means Wackner is biased. As the next scene will explain, Cord wasn’t even aware of his investment in the rival company, and Wackner certainly wasn’t. But, regardless, it’s going to be challenging to prove that neither Wackner nor Cord knew about the investment, and the opposition is going to go after Cord’s financial records, which no one wants. Liz suggests a continuance, which would give Wackner about a year to keep working on his court before they have to come back to this issue.  

Wackner HATES the idea of delays and is all, THIS IS WHY I HAVE MY OWN COURT and again, he isn’t wrong.  

David Lee needs to see Liz, now. Liz and Diane meet in David Lee’s office and stare at their phones. Diane says she has no idea what the meeting is about, even though she basically set up the meeting herself.  

“What the fuck is going on?” David Lee says. Diane feigns surprise and asks for more specifics. David Lee reveals that four top clients have called with issues about their representation shifting.  

Liz knows what’s going on and aggressively says, “Diane, thoughts?” “Nothing from me. I met with my clients. I just told them of a restructuring that I was being told about,” Diane says like it’s no big deal. Liz and Diane both know that Diane forced this meeting.

“Is this a power play on your part?” Liz asks Diane. “No, it’s just updating my clients,” Diane says for David Lee’s benefit or commitment to the bit or something. It is definitely a power play, and a nearly unforgivable one done to an ally.  

“David, Diane was told about frustration at the partner level about a white woman being a name partner in a black firm. And apparently, this is her response,” Liz explains. “I just told our clients what was going on,” Diane defends. David Lee doesn’t really care about what happened: he cares about one thing, and that thing is money.  

“Diane’s a fucking name partner until STR Laurie says she’s not. No one decides until I decide. Now stick your race war back in its bottle,” David Lee says. I mean, basically, yeah, that’s what happens when you merge with a huge firm that only cares about profit.  

I like that this ends up coming back to STRL. You can’t really have a conversation about RL’s identity without also acknowledging that RL is not independently owned. Sure, STRL will care at some point if RL loses its clout with the black community—but like most companies, they care about guaranteed loss of profit and the short term more than long-term what-ifs. It may sound cynical, but if Madeline and all of the other partners quit, STRL would simply put all their effort into keeping Liz or even just the Reddick name and would then hire black lawyers who think more like Julius than Madeline to keep the reputation. STRL does not give a shit about helping anyone, and that’s what Diane counts on.  

I do not believe the version of RL that Madeline wants can exist when they’re under STRL’s control. I believe the version Diane wants (not really a black firm) can, and I believe the version Liz seems to want (one that’s mostly black and occasionally social justice focused) can, but this issue won’t go away until STRL does.  

Sure, Diane, keep telling yourself you’re fighting the good fight out here.  

(Perhaps “The Good Fight” is a more ironic and fraught title than it originally seemed.)  

“That was a mistake. I am on your side, and you don’t even realize it,” Liz tells Diane afterwards. Interesting that Liz says “I am” and not “I was.” I would love to know what Liz really thinks about this situation and hope we get more from her POV next week. I think Liz wants to run a black firm, but I also think she wants to run a successful firm and likes working with Diane. Liz is on Diane’s side about as much as she can be while still advocating for Diane to step down.  

Pissing off Liz is a very interesting move for Diane here, too. Diane wants to fight the one person who is on her side for control of a firm that doesn’t want her there, and she’s convinced herself this is the smart move! Kind of wild. What does Diane think the day to day will look like? I think I said this above, but in forcing this war, Diane is all but guaranteeing that if she wins, RL will only be a black firm in that STRL will say it’s one to make more money.

Julius and Diane chat next. Julius says he wants to start his own firm—with Diane. Her only reaction is laughter, but, like, this is probably happening. I’m not sure why she laughs. It’s not quite a case of unfortunate timing (Diane could’ve done this before she blew things up, and it’s not quite too late for Diane to commit to leaving and smooth things over with Liz), so maybe it’s just a “well, this sounds familiar!” laugh.  

(If you think of Previously On as 5x00 instead of 5x01, that would make this episode 5x05, which would make this a Hitting the Fan callback. I can also do mental gymnastics!)  

The episode could end there, but it doesn’t. We’ve still got a Wackner plot to resolve. Cord has some people beat up the plaintiff as a way of enforcing Wackner’s verdict and getting the real court case to go away. Marissa picks up on what’s happened faster than Wackner does, unless Wackner just doesn’t care.  

It’s subtle, but throughout this episode, there’s a little bit of a trend towards Marissa becoming more skeptical of Wackner. She tries to keep him under control in court, tries to reason with him about the continuance, and in this scene, she just looks entirely displeased and alarmed every time she’s on camera.  

We get another scene with RBG. “It’s different for me than it was for you,” Diane says. She notes that unlike RBG, she herself is up against another “dominated culture.” This other dominated culture is “black lawyers.” (I’m sorry, I just find the way she says “black lawyers” funny, partially because she says “lawyers” instead of people and partially because Diane seems insistent on only occasionally remembering that Liz is both black and female.)  

I can’t tell if this scene was originally intended to close the episode or not. The blocks of scenes, the way the episode seems like it should’ve ended with Julius’s laugh but instead has three more scenes (guy getting beat up, Wackner’s court, this one), and the fact the Kings said this episode had to be almost totally rethought because both Christine and Audra had concerns about the original script all suggest to me that maybe some of the scenes in this episode got shuffled around to keep momentum and hit the right notes at the right time.  

Diane acknowledges that RBG could’ve stepped down and we wouldn’t have a conservative majority on the court now if she had. RBG insists that she wouldn’t have stepped aside even if Obama had guaranteed that her replacement would be black. She says it’s because she only knows what she can do—not what others would do. And “what you know is always better than what might happen.”  

Even if this was originally supposed to happen earlier (Diane saying she doesn’t know what to do makes me feel like it way), I like that we get to see it’s still weighing on Diane after the fact.  

(Also, I have seen some comments about, for lack of a better phrase, the girl power energy of these Diane and RBG scenes. No! These scenes aren’t a tribute to RBG! She’s in these scenes because she didn’t step down and can thus help Diane excuse her own actions! These scenes aren’t exactly anti-RBG, but they are certainly critical of some of her choices!)  

The topic shifts to Diane and Kurt’s relationship (another reason to put this somewhere other than the main part of the episode; this would slow down the momentum of the middle part of the episode) and its similarity to RBG’s friendship with Scalia.  

Tbh, I don’t think a friendship and a marriage are all that similar on this front and I’d be curious to see Diane think about RBG/Scalia in the context of her potential partnership with Julius rather than her marriage.

RBG basically tells Diane to stay with Kurt. Diane thanks her, and then, back in reality, tells Kurt to take the NRA job so he’ll be happy—and then she’ll just sue him. Okay, that feels like an episode ending, so I am REALLY curious about all the re-writing and re-structuring that happened in this episode and what did/didn’t get touched. I can’t make up my mind about what feels out of place.

So we start out with Diane feeling like it might be the right thing to explore whether or not it still makes sense for her to be with Kurt, a suspected insurrectionist and future NRA employee, and Diane feeling like she wants to help her friends and partners at her mostly black firm do good in the world. And we end with Diane doubling down on her relationship with Kurt, giving her blessing for the NRA job, and fucking over her colleagues because she wants to keep her own power. Dark! I love it.  

This episode does this all without making Diane entirely unsympathetic, which is astounding. While I think Diane knowingly makes choices that further her self-interest over the values she (claims to?) hold and I am definitely NOT Team Diane on her decisions in this episode, this episode could easily have been less interesting and complex. It’s understandable that Diane would not want to step aside from a firm she’s helped build—who would? It’s understandable that Diane might not feel the passion for a black firm the way she does for a female firm. It’s understandable that Diane might not want to blow up her marriage, despite her political differences from Kurt. This episode allows Diane to be just sympathetic enough she never becomes a flat villain, but never sympathetic enough that someone could mistake this episode for one that shows Diane as a morally pure hero. Personally, I love that in a TV show. That’s the exact kind of writing that made me love Alicia Florrick enough that I still spend a considerable amount of time thinking about her character arc even though TGW ended half a decade ago. It’s what’s been missing from a lot of TGF episodes for me, and why I’ve said that TGF seems like a show more about theme than character. It’s why I’ve written—oh god, TEN THOUSAND words—about this episode.  

I have no clue what’s going to happen next, but I hope it includes more character-driven drama (ideally with a lot of good material for Liz) and not a lot of firm-jumping shenanigans.  

[asexual-juliet]

Why Making Cassidy Casablancas the Rapist was an Absolute Shit Move

1. It’s a blatant retcon of 1.21 Veronica spends 1.21: A Trip to the Dentist looking for the person who raped her at Shelly Pomroy’s party sophomore year. She eventually finds out that it was Duncan, who had also been drugged and who had believed the sex was consensual. During her questioning of them, Dick, Sean, and Cassidy confirm that Cassidy had been left alone in a bedroom with Veronica that night, but Cassidy swears he never touched her—“Look, I swear to god, I didn't touch you, Veronica. Okay, I mean, Dick, he was, he was all on me to, and there was, there was this girl, this, this freshman, her name's Cindy, and she's kind of, well, she's easy, you know, and me and her, we were, we were supposed to—I don't know, Dick—Dick, he set something up, okay, and then, and then she was all over Logan and then she left early with him.” Cassidy seems genuine, if not a bit nervous and rambling, and Rob Thomas himself has admitted that while Cassidy was introduced with the knowledge that he would later become the season two villain, the idea of him being the rapist didn’t come along until later. For the writers to reveal him as the rapist twenty-three episodes after the plotline was neatly tied up reads as an overt attempt to start some unnecessary drama.

2. The show provides no solid reason as to why Cassidy raped Veronica. The only possible motives Not Pictured provides for the rape are Veronica’s assumption that Cassidy “wanted to prove [he was] a man” and the underlying implication that his childhood of sexual abuse thoroughly fucked him up both emotionally and sexually. Veronica’s assumption makes no sense when paired with the fact that nobody knew Cassidy had raped her until a year-and-a-half or so after the fact. If he really wanted to “prove himself,” he would have probably at least told his brother, who was the only reason he had the opportunity to rape Veronica in the first place. The argument can be made (as it was by my brother, who is sick of listening to me talk about this shit) that Cassidy didn’t tell anyone what happened because it was illegal, reprehensible, and would definitely have landed him in jail. This is all true, but Dick Casablancas is, despite his charm, a piece of garbage who, as written in seasons 1-2, would not have given a single fuck that Cassidy had raped Veronica. Dick demonstrates his tendency and ability to withhold important information from the authorities in 1.22: Leave it to Beaver, when he tells Cassidy “You need to chill out, Beav, right now. To the grave, man, that's what we said,” in reference to the fact that Logan was not in Mexico when Lilly was murdered. This information was (although not in the way Dick may have expected) crucial in implicating the real murderer of Lilly Kane. Both Dick’s lax regard for the law and the fact that he himself was the one who encouraged Cassidy to rape Veronica suggest that if Cassidy had told him what had really happened at Shelly’s party, there would be very, very little risk of Dick going to the authorities. Thus, the motive of “prov[ing himself] a man,” doesn’t hold up: if Cassidy really wanted to prove himself to someone, it would be Dick, and he would probably have told him what happened. We know for a fact that this isn’t the case because when Veronica accuses Cassidy of raping her, he just responds “And Dick still thinks I’m a virgin. You see, I know how to keep a secret.” Another interpretation of the “proving himself as a man” thing is that Cassidy was attempting to prove to himself that he was a man, but I honestly don’t know if that tracks, because he knew why he was uncomfortable with sex and while proving to himself that he could have sex without being a “baby” about it might, like, make him feel better about himself, he chose to do it in such a way that is eerily similar to the abuse he suffered as a child, despite the fact that he appeared to have other options—that very night, Dick had arranged for Cassidy to sleep with a freshman named Cindy. The other underlying motive that the show provides for the rape is Cassidy’s sexual trauma, which does not hold up for reasons I will address in entries #3 and #4. 

3. It enforces the “cycle of abuse” stereotype

The cycle of abuse is a psychological theory that states that victims of abuse are more likely to become abusers themselves later in life than those who have not experienced abuse. This theory is not supported by much evidence, and there is, in fact, evidence against it. Cathy Spatz Widom of John Jay College conducted a study in which “only 3 percent of the sexually abused boys had become adult sexual offenders, and only 4 percent of adult sexual offenders had a confirmed history of sexual abuse.” Despite the facts disproving the cycle of abuse as a psychological theory, it remains a common trope used to either a). make the audience sympathize with an abuser (as in the case of Billy Hargrove in Stranger Things) or b. vilify an abuse victim (as in the case of Cassidy Casablancas). This trope enforces the harmful notion that past abuse can serve as a valid reason for harming others and serves to justify the actions of abusers. 

4. It 𝒹𝑜𝑒𝓈𝓃’𝓉 𝒻𝓊𝒸𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓀!

Throughout season two, Cassidy is shown to be extremely uncomfortable in even remotely sexual situations. He finds himself unable to engage in any kind of sexual activity with Mac, which is understandable given his past trauma. What doesn’t track is that this same trauma is used to explain why he raped Veronica. The show presents Cassidy as uncomfortable at the prospect of sex with Mac, which he was only entertaining because he genuinely cared about her, but it also presents him as an unremorseful rapist who took advantage of a girl at a party for some unspecified reason, which… doesn’t fucking track. Make a goddamn choice in how you want to portray this character and his trauma—Has a childhood of sexual abuse made him sex-repulsed or has it made him a sexually abusive piece of shit? You can’t go down both roads. 

5. It’s clearly an attempt to make Cassidy seem more evil

It obviously took viewers some time to process the whole “Beaver’s a killer” thing because of Cassidy’s soft, sensitive nature. Given time, that plot twist can be broken down and understood: Cassidy was, first and foremost, a terrified, traumatized kid who felt like he had no other way out. His fear of what would happen if anyone found out about the abuse he suffered far outweighed any moral compass he may have possessed. Though Cassidy’s actions were objectively extremely fucked up, he did have his reasons, and they are easy to understand if you look at the situation from his point of view. The reveal of Cassidy as the rapist reads as someone in the writing room being worried that no one in the audience will believe that this smart, sweet kid could ever be truly unforgivable, and trying to amp up the sheer amount of evil in Cassidy’s actions by discarding a large part of his character and making him do the most awful thing they could think of. 

Anyway, Cassidy as the rapist makes no fucking sense, rest in peace my ace Cassidy headcanon… you still live in my head, but in kind a shitty apartment at the back of my brain and you are paying me rent because unlike canon murderer/rapist Cassidy you’re a respectful boy. 

[butwhyduh]

On Death Battle's YouTube channel, they've done episodes of Red Hood vs the Punisher or The Winter Soldier and stated that Jason uses a type of Venom steroid that's similar to Bane's. I know that he used the drug when he teamed up with Supergirl, but the way the show phrased it made it sound like he's still using it. I can see Jay using it when he's fighting something he couldn't handle otherwise, but after watching his mom OD, I just can't picture him abusing such a substance. Any opinions?

This is a deep question almost at the edge of my dc knowledge lmao. I saw the winter soldier x red hood one and hated to agree but they were right. Bucky would have 60 years + training and is literally a super soldier.

But I agree with you. I think he’d do anything to win for the greater good, kill, take the venom stuff. Like it’s canon (or was? Idk with DC). But he’d fucking hate it. So save the world or whatever? sure fuck it. He’d deal with the fall out later. But on the regular? Not a change. He’s not getting hooked on shit. Plus if he’s in a long thing and can’t get any more he’d be screwed and that’s a dumb strategy. And I don’t think it exactly enhances his brains so not ideal that way. I personally believe the pit made him stronger than a normal person and he’s got amazing training and a natural fight in him to be a dangerous fighter that he’d really never need that venom unless it’s an end of the world thing. But yeah I was confused why they acted like he does it all the time. It seems out of character.

[popculturebuffet]

The Critic Valentine’s Day Double Feature (Pilot/Sherman, Woman and Child)

Vivia Jay Sherman! Viva Quebec! Viva Valentine’s Day! And Viva WeirdKev who as happens for a good chunk of my content payed for this wonderful double feature for one of my favorite shows.  The Critic was created by Al Jean and Mike Reis of The Simpsons fame, a comedy team supreme. While I knew the two wrote for the simpsons, more on that iin a minute, I had no idea just how many classics the two churned out: There’s No Disgrace Like Home, Moaning LIsa, The Telltale Head, The Way We Was, Stark Raving Dad (Sadly tainted by it’s guest star being a horirble monster but that’s not their fault), Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington, the treehouse of horror segments The Bart Zone and Clown Without Pity (The second of which may be my favorite treehouse of horror segment), and later coming back to write the story for one of my all time favorites Round Springfield and to outright write the classic “SupercalfragalisticexpalliDOHcious”.  And to his credit Jean would later go on to write some classic post-golden age simpsons episodes during his tenure as producer: Lisa’s Sax, Mom and Pop Art, and Children of a Lesser Clod, which is notable if nothing else for this gag. 

So yeah the guys are legends and were right to start their own show under Simpsons producer James L Brooks over at ABC. The show followed the adventures of film Critic, Jay Sherman, a parody of film critics with high brow tastes, impossibly high standards, and a huge opinon of himself, having won the pultizer at least once.  Despite this he was also constnatly spat and shat on by society, divorced, lonely, depressed and eats like a thousand pigs combined in some horrific science accident. And given the last three parts describe me, as well as my profession of b eing a critic, naturally I love the guy and this show. I’ll get into his cast as we go as the first episode does an excellent job of introducing the entire cast so there’s no sense repeating myself.  But the show’s style I can and will talk about: It’s basically Golden Age, i.e. season’s 1-10, simpsons, but with more pop culture refrences and movie parodies, since the show would often feature multiple on Jay’s show coming Attractions and took place in the celebrity hot spot of new york and was a love letter to the city.. and sometimes a hate letter but only when those digs at the city would be funny, which to be fair depsite never having been to or lived in new york most really are. That’s the series key asset: while a LOT of the jokes haven’t aged well as a lot of the celbreity refrences are dated as are some of the movie parodies, most are hilarious wether you get what their making fun of or not and to me tha’ts a good parody: where knowing what their making fun of HELPS, but you can laugh regardless. The show had the charm and pace of the Simpsons while having it’s own unique style and cast that was just as charming and I love it dearly.  The show sadly only lasted two seasons, with ABC canceling it after one, and Brooks having it moved over to FOX, which was a good idea and lead to what’s probably my faviorite simpsons episode, a Star is Burns. Ironically despite you know, the show being created by two simpsons writers, backed by one of their producers and perfectly in line, creator Matt Groening was against the idea, publicly ranted about it to the press, and generally was an ass about it. Look I love the guy and even Brooks, Jean and Reiss were all nice enough in thier criticsim of the guy, but sitll very much understandably pissed off. .and i’m with them. 

It gave what’s again, my faviorite episode and what is not a “30 minute add” but an episode that easily stands on it’s own and also you know, pokes fun at itself for being a crossover a few times. You don’t need to see the critic to enjoy it, and episodes most iconic gags, Boo-Urns, Man Getting HIt by a Football, Senior Speilbergo, all don’t involve jay. And again the shows were not at all dismilar: While the critic was it’s own thing it still had the simpsons sense of humor and pacing so I saw it more as a petty rant against having a crossover in general more than a legit critcisim. Especially since Groening had no such complaints decades later with the family guy crossover after both shows had all tehir talent surgically removed and had the gall to NOT remove a cheap shot at Bob’s Burgers. And yes i’m still bitter about seeing that in a promo for the special, Bob’s Burgers is fantastic, to the point that now, in a fabulous case of history repeating itself, it’s got it’s OWN show like the critic made by talented former crew members using a similar but sitll throughly unique comedy style , The Great North. My point is that controversy pisses me off, and The Great North is spectacular go watch it while you read this. 

So yeah the Critic is awesome, me and Kev are both fans, and there are plenty of romantic episodes abound as the show digs into Jay’s love life quite a few times and has episodes about his son’s first love, his boss finding a wife towards the end of the series, his parents rekindling their spark and in what’s easily my faviorite episode, his sister dating a grunge rocker. So there was no shortage of choices but the choice made was brilliant.. and i’m not saying that because i’m being paid to, as my review of splatter phoenix’s first episode in darkwing duck and woops should show, paying me does not guarantee that I have to LIKE what your paying me to review. But here I did and he pointed out the first episode of each season, with season two being a soft reboot that while keeping the premise and supporting cast changed a few things around and added two new main characters, and both involve jay finding a new love intrest and intorduce a lot of the cast. I found him to be right, so where we are and after the cut i’ll dive into the good and bad of both episodes and see what changed inbetween seasons. 

That gag will make sense.. later. Right now it’s time for our very first episode, the show’s very first episode as you could probably tell by the title. 

Pilot:  The pilot starts with Jay getting touched up by his Makeup Person Doris. Jay is played by legendary comedian John Lovitz, who this show gave me a deep and lasting appreciation for. Lovitz was at the time best known for his 5 year long stint on SNL, and film wise is best known for Three Amigos, the Brave Little Toaster, The Wedding Singer and Rat Race. Sadly while I do geninely love the guy.. he has been in enough crap to destroy the New York Sewer system, as everyone needs money and sadly not everyone appricates the talents of John Lovitz like I do. 

So naturally he’s also been in The Stepford Wives remake, Grown Ups 2, The Ridiculous 6, Eight Crazy Nights, North, Benchwarmers and Benchwarmers 2: Breaking Balls. Yes that’s an actual movie, though it’s already better than the first one for virtue of not having Rob Schnider and David Spade starring in it despite.. that title. The irony is not lost on me that Lovitz has essentially made his money starring in the kinds of films Jay was forced to see for his job.  Still a VERY talented, very lovely man.

Before we get to our next voice actor up, no profile of Jon would be complete without mentioning that time he slammed Andy Dick’s face into a bar. To make a very long story short, Lovitz was friends with the late great Phil Hartman, who even did some voice work for this very show, whose wife who had severe drug and mental ilness killed them both. Phil had told Lovitz he saw Dick give his wife cocaine, so after Phil’s tragic murder when Lovitz and Dick ended up on the same show, Lovitz ended up exploding at the guy out of grief and blamed him for her death, but later apologized like a gentleman.  Living up to his name though Dick later went up to Lovitz at a restraunt Lovitz owned and said “I’m giving you the Phil Hartman curse, you die next”. Granted he was drunk but still...

Naturally Lovitz banned the guy and Lovitz later demanded an apology when the two ran into each other when they ran into each other at Lovitz regular gig at the comed store. Dick not only refused to apologize even when Lovitz put him against a wall, but said it was because “you blamed me for her death”... which was a decade ago with change by this point, the actions of a man GREIVING for his best friend whose wife’s relapse you caused which inadveradntly lead to her and her husband’s death, and something HE APOLOGIZED FOR. Naturally Lovitz took this how you would and did what we’d all like to do in general and broke the shit out of his face and only didn’t do more because they were seperated. IN short this man is a hero and I wil lbring up this story at every opportunity.  Doris was played by the late voice actress Doris Grau, a script supervisor who worked on a LOT of films as one , the most notable I could find on wikipedia being Clue. This is a fact I just learned today but boy if it isn’t neat. Grau mostly did aditional voices for shows, most notably Ducktales and the Simpsons, where she played Lunchlady Doris, and of course this show. Still she seemed like a very funny and talented woman and it’s sad she’s gone.  The two start the series mostly sniping at each other and while that never ENTIRELY goes away, Doris gets more supportive after a spotlight episode where she and Jay bond and Jay thinks she might be his mom. And while she’s not this surprisingly sticks and for the rest of the series while still not above making potshots at him on occasion, she’s far more supportive. She also informs him she’s out of spray on hair “I’m bald and ugly, get more!”. This show is naturally comedy gold and a lot of it relies on Lovitz sense of timing, though the rest of the cast aren’t slouches but we’ll get to them as we go.  She ends up putting a hat over him and we get our first film parody, Rabbi PI starring Anuld, which is alright. Not one of the series best but passable and gets the gimmick of having film parodies on jay’s show across, which was a nice way to set it apart from the Simpsons. Jay reviews it on the Shermometor, a gimmick jay hates and that disappeared by season 2, giving it a bellow zero to the ire of his boss Duke Phillips.  Duke is one of the best parts of the show, an unhinged southren billlonare who was a modeled after Ted Turner, down to the mustache, who built up his fried chicken franchise into a multimedia congrlomorate and is also mildly nuts, though that part would be more of a thing in season 2. In season 1, he’s mostly there to make Jay’s life hell, with about half of the seasons episodes having him either fire jay or put his job in jeapordy versus 2 the next season. He’s still not unfunny, but most of his best stuff is in season 2 when Charles Napier’s allowed to cut loose a little more and the character wasn’t shoehorned into just being a clueless executive.  Charles Napier is a longtime character actor who showed up in TONS of films and tv shows too many to list.. and trust me with some of the lists of credits before and after this that’s saying something, his biggest voice rolls being in this series and Men and Black the Series as Zed. But needless to say he was ALWAYS this awesome and sadly passed in 2011.  Jay’s guest for the day is Valerie Fox, an up and coming actress whose first film kiss of death is coming out soon.. and whose age is an engima and it’s only a problem because if she’s 20, like the episode mildly suggests giving her starting career and her voice actress being that age, then this gets really gross as jay is 17 years older than her then. But given she looks older than that and sounds certainly older than that, i’m going more with 30, since she looks more like it, and sharon stone, who she’s mildly based on given she stars in a basic instinct knockoff and does the leg thing, was 32 at the time of basic instinct.  Valerie is voiced by Jennifer Lien, aka Kes from star trek voyager who I only know about because of reviews done by SF Debris and Allison Pregler. She was the childlike love intrest of Nelix, the ship’s resident pain in the audience asses who made them BEG for early seasons wesley crusher and who once, and I saw footage this wasn’t SF Debris exagreated, lunged at a crewmate in a jealous rage, unfounded by the way since Tom was AVOIDING kes depsite being attracted to her as he just wnated her to be happy and to not mess up her relationshpi, and screamed “i’ll kill you!”. Point is she hasn’t had a huge career, but was still worth noting and does a fantastic job here. Again I did not realize she was that young at the time by her voice, and that means she did a great job. 

So Jay’s smitten with her, finds her super attractive and she asks him out.. but to the show’s credit, and Jay’s he does try to rebuff her because he knows ther’es a conflict of intrest there.. but ends up giving in. However at least the show not only is upfront that there’s an issue here but that ends up being the thrust of the last act. Granted there’s still some.. questionable stuff like when she does the basic instinct leg cross and he says “can we get a shot of that”, which no.. Jay.. no you can’t. Ewwww. Seen far worse, like It’s Pat, which was a VERY real SNL sketch about people trying to guess the titular pat’s gender because that’s not creepy or invasive even for the time. And they made a movie out of it because Wayne’s World was popular forgetting that Wayne’s World, one of my faviorite movies by the way and one I need to cover here sometime this year now the thought’s occured to me, was a labor of love, with a talented director and actual ideas from it’s two leads who actually fleshed out the character versus a concept that was NEVER funny to begin with and has gotten down right horrifying with age. And wasn’t I talking about the Critic? Not the abusive jackass mind you, Jay Sherman. 

Ah yes so Jay takes Valerie to a date at Lane Riche, the rich jackass where we meet Vlada, a vaugely european man whose your typical hollywood suckup. As Jay puts it in a later episode  Vlada: I love you too Jay: You only love my money Vlada: That’s true but it is a love that will never die.  He also naturally scoots Jay to a less nice table in the Critic’s section once Conan O’Brian shows up... which WAS supposed to be a different kind of joke, as at the time Conan was just a writer on the simpsons and SNL, but now given he has a decades long career in late night and famously said fuck you to NBC during that whole Tonight Show debacle, which netted him his own show on TBS, it comes off more as the kind of self deprciating gag Conan makes about himself. So in other words it’s actually funnier now? 

As for the critic’s section that’s a part of the series I’ve neglected to talk about so let’s do that: The kind of critic Jay is, one who plays clips of the movie and reviews them.. on television. And were usually academics who looked down on popular film, the kind Siskel and Ebert popularized, and both suprisingly had a huge guest apperance in season 2 and even reviewed the show on their show. This kind of film criticism just dosen’t exist on tv that i’m aware of anymore, and mostly lives on with internet reviewers , many of whom were inspiried by critics like this, and who range from acadmeics to average joes to some mixture of both. It never went away just simply went to a younger generation. Some of which squandred it and somehow still have a career like certain abusuive jackasses i’ve mentioned enough with that one gag a few paragraphs ago. Point is it’s a much more varied and different game now so the critic ended up as one of those shows or movies where the main characters very job feels like an artifact of it’s time, like our heroes in Wayne’s World hosting a public acess show, when nowadays they’d just put it up on youtube or the entire idea of a UHF station in well.. UHF. It’s not a BAD thing, just something to note. 

But the date goes well as Valerie shows she’s really into jay and even takes him oggling her in stride, though we do get an utter classic of a gag when Jay says something about women being drawn to him.. and cue an old woman asking to rub his nonexistant hump for luck “You hunchbacks are all alike”. She does so anyway to his understandable annoyance. 

But the two go back to Jay’s place, talk about his acomplishments including a pulitzer and then well.. the obvious happens they go to bed together and the next day after Valerie is horrified at his just woke up fac,e he gives her an easy out but she’s fine with it. It honestly shows just how low the poor guy’s self esteem is that he just.. assumes a woman will regret having slept with hima nd walk out and while played for laughs it really gives a clear look into Jay’s mental state: He’s so full of self loathing, not helped by the world being out to get him, that it’s really oddly endearing. And VERY releatable.  The two are interupted by Jay’s son Marty. Marty is played by the very recognizable and very wonderful Christine Cavanagh, who sadly passed away in 2014. She voiced Chuckie Finster, Gosalyn Mallard, Oblina, Dexter from Dexter’s Lab and the titular pig from Babe. She decided to retire in 2001, so while her career was only about a decade she made quite the impact and is sorely missed. Unsuprisingly her usual voice is perfect for the very awkward Marty, who Jay asks to tell eveyrone about the beautiful woman in his bed especially his unfaithful and utterly loathsome ex wife ardith. 

This scene demonstrates two problems. The first is just the pilot as Jay’s kind of sleazy. While Jay being thirsty wouldn’t go away, especially in the episode Lady Hawke, it’d be made more awkwardly endearing. Here there are moments of him just plain being creepy like the aformentioned oggling, which while not bad in itself, if a bit awkawrd, also has him creepily muttering to himself while doing so which removes any charm or relatability and just sends it straight into needing 10 showers just to wash this scene off. The rest of the series would just turn him into a bit desperate at worst.  It also explains why the only other romantic story the guy has in the season is a pastiche of misery. Thanfully this would be GREATLY adjusted next season but we’ll get to that. 

The other problem is just the tone... we get a good half a minute of Marty talking about how he calls Ardith’s boyfriend “Uncle Al” because he likes him a lot.. to his dad’s face. And granted his dad is being creeptastic this episode but the early episodes just pile on the Jay hatred by the world a bit thick, to the point one episode puts him as “worse than hitler”. Granted the audience is full of idiot teens who have no idea who hitler is, and the gag is kinda funny, but it makes my point: Jay is just utterly shat on by the world, and while he does get a few wins, most are undercut by something awful and it gets taxing sometimes. The guy is just too loveably pathetic to hate, too relatable even as a teen and not snobish enough to be really loathsome or WANT to see him knocked down by the world. It’s not overwhelming enough to ruin the first season, it still has good episodes but this episode does highlight a LOT of these problems.  He does get to spend the day with val though, dancing outside the trump buliding, seriously even back then he was a joke and his lack of money half the time was well known.. how did the last four years happen, and they tell each other they love each other. I’d aww if I didn’t know how this ended.  So jay relates the good news of how he feels to his best friend, Jeremy Hawke, played by Maurice LaMarche. LaMarche is one of the most talented voice actors alive, a master of impersonations paticuarlly orson welles, who was naturally brought on board because they knew they were going to need a lot of celebrity voices for the film parodies and needed one or two guys to do them to keep it cheap. The guy is like most of this cast a legend in the industry, having voiced the Brain, Squit, Dizzy Devil, the Human Ton, Big Bob Pataki, Egon Spengler, Sleet,  Kiff Kroker, Headless Body of Agnew, Morbo, Various other Futurama characters because that list is long, Mortimer Mouse, Blue Falcone, Father, Yosemite Sam, Vincent Van Ghoul, Doctor Doom, Abradolf Lincler, and Odval. Point is the guy has been engranged in my childhood and adulthood and will probably even after he’s gone come back from the grave to do some voices. He even got the part of Jeremy Hawke here because he happened to do a REALLY good australian accent depsite not being australian. Jeremey was a combination of paul hogan, the star of the Crocodile Dundee movies and at the time sex symbol and at this time known anti semite Mel Gibson. Obviously neither of those refrences has aged paticuarlly well, but since hollywood ALWAYS has room for a super hunk from australia, just ask Chris Hemsworth or before him Hugh Jackman, the character still works and his breakout role, Crocodile Ghandi is so ludcrious it works. I.e. a white australian man playing the mahtma and saying before he brings peace “First a tasteful shot of my bum for the ladies. Jeremy, while sometimes increidbly oblvious, is still a fairly nice easygoing guy and an extremley loveable character. And whie Jay worries about Valrie meeting him because he’s sex on a cracker she ignores him and jay gloats for a bit, paticuarlly with the great bit “take your genatalia right back to australia”. And while Jeremy’s happy for him he tries to reign Jay in when Jay talks asking her to marry him.  As Jeremy later relates on Jay’s fire escape “Bubala, i’ve learned there’s two things you should never do: Marry an actress and wear blackface to the naacp image awards. Two things I found out the hard way. “

So Jay takes her to meet his parents and finds out he’s adopted.. and their also rich. Jay’s waspy parents are his cold and overly honest mother Elanor, played by  Judith Ivey, his kooky dad and THE best part of the series Franklin played by Gerrit Grahm and his loving and free spirited teenager sister Margo played by Nancy Cartwright.  Okay (cracks knuckles) here. we. go. Judith Ivey is a tony wining stage actress and has also directed numerous plays and is mostly known for her stage work but I know her from Designing Women where she played BJ in the last season. Garret Grahm apparently shows up in a lot of brian depalma movies, including Beef in phantom of the paradise, a lot of tv work and to my shock the asshole dad from Child’s Play 2. Another thing I genuinely love I wasn’t aware an actor or actress from this series had a part in.  Finally there’s Nancy Cartwright, who you DEFINTELY know from the Simpsons, where she plays Bart, along with Nelson, Ralph, Kearny, Database, and Maggie, and Kearny. Other credits include Pistol Pete, Mindy from Animaniacs, Chuckie Finster picking up for Christine Cavanagh ironically enough, Lu and Rufus from Kim Possible. She’s a talented lady and i’m glad sh’es still around. Whew. 

Okay so yeah I do love the shermans and fraknlin is again easily the best part of an already excellent series and unlike Duke that’s in full display here, with him saying, when his wife mentions they were going to give jay back at one time, “Son if I’ve said it once I said it a thousand times.. who are all you people. “ and he’d only get better. Sadly he’s NOT in sherman woman and child. Our loss really. But he’s in pretty much every other episode of season 2 thankfully and most of this season so eh, fair trade off. Also we get the classic line, after Jay says he’ll love valrie even when he’s decaying in the ground, his mom quips “Cna’t we go one meal without talking about your rotting corpse?” Though Eleanor understandably thinks Valarie is using jay for a good review. Margo suspects her of the same and takes her on a horse ride, though all she can gleam is that Val genuielly loves jay and welcomes her to the family.  Jay however does decide to duck out of the inteview by faking sick, which leads to a really sweet moment where Valerie visits him and they dance, in a hilaroius but oddly sweet parody of Beauty and the Beast, Beauty and King Dork. Despite the title and the song insluting him a LOT it’s still just endearing. This is a problem but we’ll get to in just a moment WHY all these touching moments are a problem.  So naturally things don’t go that well for Jay as Duke has a tape of the film sent to him “My shrink was right: GOd does hate me!”

Naturally kiss of death is bad and valrie is bad in it and Jay is left uncertain what to do, but eventually decides he has to do what he feels is right,.. though he does take a picture of her while she’s sleeping. “In case you do leave”

So in a tender and heartbreaking moment Jay is honest, the movie does suck and she’s not good but he does compliment her, for her personality not her body despite his skeevy behavior and say she could get better. Instead when he arrives home.. she dumps him to his face and leaves never to be seeen again while he assumes she’ll come back. And that’s the issue it’s GENUINELY hard to tell if we’re supposed to side with Jay. On one hand he genuinely loves her and does the right thing and on the oth er he’s kinda creepy. It’s a mixed tone that just sorta hurts thing and something the series DID fix after this, as it found a better ballance of the guy being pitable while also still being an ass and ONLY usually being punished when he does something actually wrong, the only exception being Dial M for MOther which is easily the weakest episode of the series. The episode does close on a really funny moment as Jay’s dispondent because “I’m sitting on top of a volcano of rage and I don’t knwo where to direct it”. Marty mentions a new Sylvester Stallone movie where “He plays a concert pianst who” And jay dosen’t even need the rest of that to shout “To the multiplex!” The man is back

Final Thoughts for Pilot: This episode is not bad. It has it’s flaws as I said, mostly in tone, but the series would iron that out and it’s still a great pilot that organically introduces the entire main cast in one episode and really gives us the full idea of who Jay Sherman is. It’s also REALLY funny, as the series should be and it would get better, but i’d still put it over some more awkward first episode like Letterkenny’s “No Reaosn to Get Excited”, even with it’s brilliant ending or Bojack Horseman’s first episode  whose title is way too long to put here in an article that’s already long as hell about about to get longer. But like those series this pilot worked pass the awkwardness and the result is a damn good series. but if you want a better idea of what it became.. wellllllll

Sherman, Woman and Child: So yeah as you can tell JSUT by contrasting images a few things were changed up between seasons, part of it at network instance. The designs were softened , the color palette was brightened with jay being the most noticably alterted between seasons. 

The execs wanted jay a bit warmer, so his face was given wider more expressive eyes and was also scrucnehd down a bit. He was also made slightly less of a jackass, with his elitisim toned down a bit and his creepeir moments gone. For instance he no longer had a split personality/imaginary secretary named ethel. That was actually a thing. It didn’t even really change Jay as a person, this very episode mentions him not liking the Lion King, and he’s still snooty, he’s jusst not as punchable about it and that was for the best.  But the cringe comedy in general was taken down a peg and replaced with more fun weirdness, which wihle present in season 1 really pops more here, especially with Jay’s dad who sadly dosen’t show up in this episode, but at various points dresses up like El Kabong, puts on the mask from the mask (”He did the same thing at Nixon’s funeral”), and blows up famous works of art while babysitting. But yeah things get a bit more surreal like the simpsons from season 4 onward, ironically enough given these guys left to make their own show, and it’s to the show’s benefit. 

But besides a lighter tone, they also wanted two things to hook viewers in: A permenant love intrest for Jay, and an adorable kid character. The former.. was acutlaly quite resonable, as i’td both give jay a “win” as it were, allow the cast to have another femlae character and give him someone else to confide in besides Doris or Jeremy, to give those characters a break. The other was less so and we’ll get into why when we meet her. 

This episode really is a second pilot, reintroducing about half of the main cast. Marty, Elanor, Margo and as I said Franklin are all absent. But their reintroduced soon enough with the fourth episode in both broadcast and dvd order, and my personal faviorite “A Song for Margo, is entirely focused on Jay’s parents and sister, while Lady Hawke has marty breifly at the start for broadcast order and he’s in the frmaing device for Sherman of Arabia in dvd order. So the characters all get a proper reintroduction to new audiences, but it was the right call to NOT shove them into this one, still introducing new people to the new cast, but letting the two new additions to it breathe and get properly intergrated into this universe.. well more Alice than Penny but we’ll get to that. It’s part of why, besides the genuine extra coat of polish aand seasonal changes I feel this is the better episode. 

So we open with Jay on his show and two parodies in a row. The first is a few good men but with Jack Nichelson making fun of Christan Slater for sounding like him even though. they honestly aren’t too similar other than both doing that pause thing a bit. So yeah not their best but the second segment makes up for it “The Nightmare Before Channukah” a parody of the nightmare before christmas that was so beautifully animated and funny, that they actually bumped it up to the season premiere.  But while the parodies are good Jay’s show is once again, this happened a LOT in season one, in jeapordy, being beaten by the Benedictine monk variety hour. Which while the Bendictine Monks are VERY much an artifact of the 90′s a choir of monks that somehow went mainstream, the whole segment is so absurd and wonderful it stands on it’s own and is still funny to me in 2021. Duke comes in anda fter trying to softball things shows the change I mentioned: He’s actually sorry the show is in danger and is genuinely sincere that he’s sad he’ll probably have to cancel it versus season 1 where he was ready to cancel it what felt like every other episode. And I prefer this, where he can still mess with jay or flex his power over him, but is more cordial with the guy and it allows more jokes between the two. 

So Jay’s not doing so good.. and during his crappy day he spots a 30 something woman and her young daughter struggling in the rain and stops his cab to help. And gets maced for it “MMM, Jalapeno”. Though Alice does apologize and Jay does understand as it is New York and she graciously takes the offer. It’s in the cab their properly introduced. Aliice thompkins and her daughter penny who in a great bit punches jay in the nose for not liking the lion king (”rex reed did the same thing”) and then kissing him on the nose in apology (”Rex did that too” And he acompanies them in.. and also gets conked on the head by a potted plant and put in a materinity dress. 

So we get to know Alice and what her deal is: Alice was once married to and supported the career of country star Cyrus Thompkins who was.. less than subtle in his music about how faithful he was

Easily one of my favorite gags of the series if in part for Pat Overall’s delivery. So she moved from Knoxville to New York to prove to her daughter a woman can make it on her own, and proves she’s smart, talented and driven she just needs a break. She seemingly gets one in a man in a bright white outfit who says “this is your ticket out of this rundown flophouse” only for him to cheerfully exclaim “Your being evicted!”... PFFFTT. Cue where the commerical would be

So during this lull in the action let’s talk about Alice and Penny’s voice actresses: Alice is voiced by Park Overall, though for some weird reason I thought she was voiced by Hollly Hunter. Dunno why. Park is an outspoken liberal, supporting my boy bernie sanders in 2016 and in general seems like a fascenating lady. Naturally like with Jay’s parents I know her from something more oddly specific, the sitcom Reba, as I did not realize she voiced alice depsite using a similar voice for her character there, Reba’s best friend Lori Ann.. And while Park TRIED her best.. the character didn’t work out: a combination of it being simply funnier that barbra jean tried to wedge herself into the roll and the fact Reba really didn’t need a horny abrasive sidekick meant the charcter had a very short shelf life and the audience had very low patience for her.  I did like her constnatly insulting Brock as he was not a good person andi t was nice SOMEONE besides Reba actually got to roast him on a regular basis. 

Penny was voiced by the one and only Russi Taylor, who sadly passed in 2019. She voiced Huey Dewey and Louie, Webby Vanderquack, Minnie Mouse, Fantasma, the imcomprable martin prince...

Among tons of smaller rolls. She’s sadly missed. We’ll get more into what they add or subtract from the show in a minute, as the next day at work Jay wonders how to help, though Duke’s interjection gives us two great gags: his “30 second workout” which involvees throwing jay around like a medicine ball and.. well this. 

The man is a legend for a reason. He earned that golden statue. So Jay TRIES slipping alice the money only to give it “To my good friend crazy postman”, and Alice refuses the money due to pride.. even if you know, she has a small child and new york is expensive but Jay finds a better solution, hire her.. even if it’d make it impossible for them to date. For all of one episode. What keeps the power dynamics from feeling EUGUUUUGGHH here is that Jay treats alice like an equal partner at work and dosen’t let their relationship really impact things outside of one episode, and dosen’t use his position to get into a relationship with her nor does she use being responsible for a turn in his fortune for hers. 

And yes turn in fortune, as a makeover and a change of attidue under Alice’s direction, which is utterly amazing to watch and wow’s duke and hte audience, wins back his fans and his job is secure. Duke meets alice and we get more great duke stuff. including something truly iconic...

I want bears who sing for me, doo dah, doo dah. But yeah things are well though Jay ends up admitting to Jeremy he can’t stop thinking about her “Her merest smile is like pedals of the empreror’s bathwater, BATHWATER I TELL YOU BATHWATER. “ So Jeremey encourages him carpe canum “Seize the dog”. He does so.. and the day but instead finds Alice with her ex Cyrus whose trying to win her back. Wuh oh.  Once the asshole leaves, and agrees to give her the night to think, Alice admits the only reason she’s considering it is she has a weakness: his singing melts her like butter on a bagle (”God i’ve been in new york too long”. )  Jay tries to talk her out of it at the critics meeting for “Dennis the Meance II Society” which involves Dennis pulling a drivebye on mr wilson.. why wasn’t this the second live action dennis the meance movie? WHY I ASK YOU. But Jay gets a good idea, as Alice TRIES to tell the asshole to get to stepping (And to see penny often, she’s not a monster), he works his evil song magic.. only for Jay to undercut it with his own amazing song on acordian. “Cyrus is just a virus, he wants to tie you down while your still young. Your potetial, is what’s essential, you could someday be another connie chung!” And that ultiamtely shows WHY jay is the better man. He just wants what’s best for her and dosen’t care if it’s him, he just wants it not to be THIS asshole. He’s not even trying to win her over, which a lot of these gestures creepily lead to. He just wants to help her be who she’s MEANT to be. And that’s why this works better: Instead of a fake relationship built on lust and someone conning the other person, it’s a real one built on genuine chemistry. Also Alice you know dosen’t just.. vanish after an episode but is a permenant part of the cast. I mean she does for the webisodes but we don’t talk about those. 

So our hero undercuts Cyrus one more time  Cyrus: “Loverrrr, without you there’s no other” Jay: Give him a chance he’ll do your mother....

I mean he’s not worng, So Cyus is sent packing and we get a nice romantic moment between the two. 

Final Thoguhts: Sherman, Woman and Child This one is truly excellent. It relaunchs the show on all cyllanders. And frankly Alice was a fine addition to the cast: her own fully fleshed out woman with her own personality outside of jay, who was tough, smart and a good counterpoint and confidant to Jay and it felt like she’d always fit. Penny on the other hand, apologizes to the late Russi Taylor who tries her best, just dosen’t work and feels ultra cloying and out of place in the series and unspurisingly is barely used after this. But overall a better pilot than the actual pilot was already pretty good and a fine pair of episodes. Check em out whenever the series eithe rgets on a streaming platform or pops back up on youtube as Sony’s struck it down... despite not putting it up anywhere i’m aware of. Seriously sell it to HBO Max or Disney I want a reboot. But for now this series is awesome check it out and until the next rainbow, it’s been a pleasure. 

[thebisexualdogdad]

Sidekicks and sex pollens chapter 5

Co-written with @inhumanshadows

It had been a month since Bruce found out you were Mistletoe and he wasn't happy that Dick and Jason were still seeing you. 

"He's a good person Bruce, he's not Ivy, he's not penguin and he's certainly not Joker," Jason stated. 

"You don't truly know someone until you've seen them at their worst," Bruce responded. 

"I don't need to see him at his worst to know he would never hurt us," Jason went on.

On the other side of town, Ivy was giving you an eerily similar conversation.

“Ivy? I love ya boss. But I can not quantify how much I do not care. I trust them. And if they screw over I can handle it.”

“Just be careful numb skull. I actually enjoy having you around. Tell anyone that and you’re dead.”

"You like me over Harley?" You tease. 

"I don't like anyone over Harley dear," she winks, "speaking of i should get going, we have a very hot date planned tonight." 

"Night boss... Have fun with your girl," you call out. 

"Harley Quinn is no one's girl," Ivy laughs as she leaves.

She has as point. Harley is all her own

You lock the doors and shed your pants and shirt for one of Dicks sweatshirts. And nothing else. 

Maybe I’ll text one of the boys

You: 'You up?' 

Jaybird: 'did you just you up me?' 

You: 'can't handle your own playbook Todd?' 

Jaybird:  'touche'

You: 'I’m bored and wanna cuddle.'

Jaybird: 'why not text Dick?'

You: 'He didn’t answer so you coming or not? Oh and I’m not wearing pants.'

Jaybird: 'I'm on my way'

Twenty minutes later and Jason was at your front door. 

"I see you were telling the truth about the no pants thing," he laughs taking in the way Dick's large shirt barely covers you. 

"Would i ever lie to you babe?" 

"Never"

Jason jumps into your arms and you carry him to your bed.

You put on the last episode of a show while Jason strips and puts on your shirt. You lay on his chest and watch the show on screen.

“So how was your day?” You ask

"Bruce is being a prick again," he sighs. 

"About what?" You ask. 

He hesitates to tell you the truth, not wanting to hurt your feelings. 

"He doesn't trust you," Jason says nervously. 

"I don't need Bruce to trust me Jay, as long as you and Dick trust me that's all that matters"

“Oh... that’s good.”

“And besides Ivy doesn’t trust you two as far as she could throw you. I told her that if you two fuck up, I’ll handle it.”

“How?” Jason asks.

“You don’t wanna know.”

"Do you ever think about leaving Gotham behind? You, me and Dick just... Running away and starting over somewhere new?" Jason questions. 

"I have and as nice as it would be, none of us could ever leave Gotham behind, it's part of who we are," you say rubbing you thumb over his ribs comforting him.

“But isn’t Gotham like a toxic family member? Sometimes you gotta leave it behind to be better and happy?” Jason points out, uncharacteristically.

“Someone’s been raiding my bookshelf. But you have a point... enough of that for now. I just wanna lay with one of the best things in my life.”

"Alright," Jason says pulling you closer to him. 

Suddenly your phone begins to buzz, you groan not wanting to move but lean over to grab your phone off your bedside table. 

"It's Dick," you smile sliding to accept the call, "hello?"

"Hey sorry i just got your texts," he says out of breath. 

"Patrolling alone again?" You ask. 

"Yeah but it turned out to be a bust." 

"Well Jason is over at my place you want to come join the half naked cuddle session to make you feel better?" You chuckle. 

"I'll be over soon."

Dick must’ve sprinted with how fast he gets to your door. That and how out of breath and sweaty his is.

“Hi. Dick, normally love you all sweaty. But uh- you gotta shower.” You say, pulling him inside.

Dick chuckles and pecks your cheek before he strips naked and walks to your bathroom.

“Feel free to join me you two.”

“My shower isn’t that big. Just shower and get your soon to be clean ass over here!!” You shout.

Shortly after a freshly showered Dick is stepping out of the bathroom and climbing into bed next to you. 

"I don't know a better feeling than being between my two favorite people," you say snuggling into them both. 

"I love you guys," Dick says. 

"I love you both," you say in return. 

You expected Jason to say it back but instead you were met with the sound of him loudly snoring. 

"Guess it's time to go to sleep," you laugh. 

"Good night," Dick says kissing you softly. 

"Night."

You wake up around 5AM to two very obvious things poking you. Normally, you'd do something but you just lay on Dick's chest and try to sleep more, praying for an uneventful day.

You seem to get your wish when you wake a few hours later to Jason's ass peeking out from the blanket, still asleep and Dick reading a book that obviously came from your bookshelf. His free hand slowly moving through your hair. 

"Morning. I made breakfast and put your plate aside."

"How should we wake the sleeping bird."

"Let him sleep, he has no issue eating cold food," Dick says. 

You take a bite and stuff it in your mouth, "can I ask you something?" 

"Anything," he says taking a sip of his coffee. 

"How do you feel about Bruce not trusting me?" You ask him. 

"It doesn't bother me as much as Jason, he hasn't quite learned yet how to ignore Bruce's intrusive opinions," he says casually, "does it bother you?" 

"I don't want it to but I know how important Bruce is to you guys."

“Thanks. But honestly to me at this point... I couldn’t give less of a shit what Bruce thinks.” Dick says.

“That’s okay... I guess.”

“What about you? With Ivy. I know you think pretty highly of her.”

"Ivy showed me that i could do more for the world than being stuck in a lab all day, she's my mentor but we don't agree on everything," you explain. 

Once again your phone buzzes taking you out of the moment with your boys, this time however it's Harley calling. 

"That's weird, Harley never calls me," you say out loud before picking up, "uh hello?" 

"Y/N? Y/N get your ass to the old oil refinery downtown," Harley tells you. 

"What? Why?" You say confused. 

"It's Ivy she's in trouble," she responds and the line goes dead. 

"What's going on?" Jason asks in a haze of waking up. 

"I- I don't know- I gotta go," you say stumbling out of bed looking for any clothes you could find.

“Be careful...” Dick says, but you’re already gone.

You get to the Oil refinery, skin changed and the persona of Mistletoes assumed. 

Harley is outside, pacing.

“Harley! What’s going on?”

You take in Harley's appearance, she's got cuts all over and covered in sut, the smell of a fire is now filling the air.

"We went in there to destroy some new fracking machine they are building but there was an explosion and I can't find her anywhere," she says clearly scared. 

A shadow passes over you two, both looking up to see a sliver a cape fly into the building. 

"Shit it's the bat! Y/N you gotta go find her!" Harley shouts. 

"I'll find her I promise," you say running into the building.

The smoke is thick, dark and burns your eyes. You toss some air filtering seeds down to do what they can.

“Ivy!! Ivy!! Where are you!!”

The only answer you have is an explosion from above you. You jump forward, narrowly avoiding a painful potential death. 

Damn it! I gotta find her and get out fast... and before Bruce finds her...”

You scower the refinery, ending up in dead end after dead end..

 "Help"

That was Ivy's voice. 

"Ivy!" You shout. 

 "Y/N"

You follow the voice and that's when you see her. 

She's trapped underneath a fallen beam. 

"Ivy!" You yell again as you run to her.

“Hey kid...” Her voice is weak.

“Don’t talk. Let’s get this off of you and get you back to Harley.

You toss a semicircle of the air filter plants and then summon many vines to lift the beam off of Ivy.

A few more booms ring in the facility. As soon as she’s free you drag her from under, throwing her arm around your shoulder.

“Let’s go. If we die... Harley would bring me back just to kill me.” You joke.

"Ivy what did you do," a bold voice from above yells. 

"Not now Batman," you say dragging Ivy along desperate for an exit. 

Bruce jumps down from a riser landing in front of you. 

"I said not now!" You say angrily, sending vines towards him to throw him away from you.

You hear his body crash against a wall and to be honest- you gave zero fucks.

You have a few more vines tear open a metal door, Harley in the distance. You can tell by her body language she’d been crying. 

“Hold on Ivy, almost there.” You tell her. There’s another chain of explosions as you approach Harley.

“Oh thank god!!” Harley cries.

She takes Ivy from you and you pull two vials from your bag, the liquid a slight green glow.

“Here, these will help Ivy get her strengths back. Use one now and the next tomorrow morning. I’ll try and buy some time with the Bat.”

Harley takes the vials and gives you a knowing nod and takes off, carrying Ivy in her arms.

You knew your emotions had gotten the best of you in that moment so you ran back inside to make sure Bruce wasn't hurt. 

"How could you let her get away after doing this," Bruce scolds dodging another falling beam as it hits the ground. 

"Do you know what they were going to do with that machine? It would kill the environment!" You shout. 

"This refinery is what keeps Gotham out of poverty and now it's destroyed," Bruce retorts. 

"Oh like you care about the people breaking their backs in this place for minimum wage while the rich get richer from their hard work, Wayne industries can keep this entire city out of poverty alone but instead you sit in your high castle only adding to the problem."

"I do everything i can to help this city," Bruce says.

"But it's not enough, it will never be enough, not for Gotham, not for the world," you stammer, "all Ivy and i want is to save the environment from those who are killing it like this refinery." 

"There's gotta be a better way-" 

Before Bruce could finish his sentence a loud crack came from the ceiling, another beam engulfed in flames heading straight for Bruce.

You stretch your arms and have vines pull you and  Bruce towards the door, an explosion rocketing you both outside.

You hit the ground and roll with a thud, ears ringing. You clutch your head and look for Bruce amidst the debris. 

You find him a good ten feet to your left, slowly rising.

“You-you saved me...” He says.

“Don’t be surprised... I may not like that you don’t trust me. But I know how important you are to this city and to Jason and Dick. Plus, I’m not a monster.”

You toss a pollen pod at him and use the cloud to escape.

It's a few days later, you haven't talked to Dick or Jason about what happened, you don't know how. 

You're sitting in your lab, studying samples from a crime scene when there's a knock at your door.

"Come in," you shout across the room. 

When the door opens you turn around and it's Bruce. 

"What are you doing here?" You say surprised. 

"I've been thinking about what you said and i have an offer for you," he says walking towards you. 

"What kind of offer?" 

"I want you to come work for Wayne Industries." 

You sit there speechless. 

"You were right, Wayne Industries can do a lot more not only for Gotham but for the world than what we are currently doing so I want to create a new initiative within the company to fight the damages done to our environment and I want you to lead the department," he explains.

You fully turn to face Bruce, eyebrow raised.

“What’s the catch?”

“No catch. I promise. You’d be in control of the department. I’d also like to offer you a room in the Manor and apologize for not trusting you. You saved my life yesterday.”

“I can’t just up and leave my job here.”

“Actually you can. I’ve had Alfred prep recruitment papers. All you need to do is sign.”

"Have you told Dick and Jason?" You ask. 

"No i didn't want to get their hopes up in case you decline," he tells you. 

"And how am I supposed to tell Ivy?" 

"As long as you don't tell Ivy who I really am she won't know you're working for the enemy just the richest man in Gotham," he chuckled. 

"And she would be pretty happy to see me lead my own initiative," you say considering your options, "I'm in."

“Glad to hear it. What about the room at the Manor? I’d be more than happy to pay for any and all moving expenses.” Bruce supplies.

“I’ll take it. And would it be alright if I told Dick and Jason? And we could start packing my place

"I'm sure they would rather hear from you than me," he smiles, "well I'll let you get back to work." 

"I gotta call the boys," you tell yourself when he leaves.

[crunchykiwibby]

Core Four

Hi! After days of my antics i had decided to show my drawings for my redrawn Descendants next to outfit clarification/ idea for my fanfiction (+ analysis because I love fashion analysis! I watched one episode of the topic and I'm hooked now-) also sorry about the poor camera quality I'll digitalize it soon 😭

So here's them all together:

So what they have in common is the use of patterns and somewhat baggy(ish?) clothing whether it's from the top, ( Carlos, Evie) or by the pants ( Jay, Mal). The next use is pictures or patterns which is pretty predominant in Mal's side of town ( The inner city/ a good most of the Isle except anywhere near the coast. Which is known to be Uma's side of town.) 9 times out of 10 you would see a lot of painted clothes with patterns or designs, pieces of leather or cloth in clothing that can form a pattern or pictures. It is very popular on the Isle to wear gloves, bandages, and something you can at least move in because sometimes certain areas get congested and you might have to jump from a building time to time, run away from a troll, or fight. Also it's good to wear clothes that hide stuff you stole or hide weapons compared to Uma's side of town where you kinda just casually have a dagger or sword out. The inner city fashion is a mix of military, grunge, and goth depending on where you are. And it also reflects in the fanfiction in their Auradon fashion which I'll describe later. Their outfits together all clash but it's unified in one shape or pattern which also presents their friendship.

MAL

So Mal doesn't have fear as she usually doesn't worry about being randomly shanked out of nowhere. Seen here I kept her purple/ green aesthetic but I used a very minium of pink which was her top which was magenta. Her outfit is quite girly tomboyish. Her top is a repurposed binder that she cloth dyed and painted green flames on. I did this changes because she's more of the rambunctious one in the group next to Jay so her clothes are fitted in the purposes of movement next to the fact of her always stealing and running away which I felt that the leather jacket limited her upper body in her og design, I do love the leather don't get me wrong! But it's more practical in fall/winter (assuming that it's pretty tight) than spring and summer which is when my fanfiction takes place. However the use of leather is shown in her pants as the her pockets is dyed leather. Her hair is more blunt like cut and a deeper purple more toward her hair in D3 (Which was the color I like the most) but it's not a long asymmetrical bob it's just a blunt cut bob and she keeps it that way for a while. She aims for that casual militant fashion a lot, as some of her outfits won't look like what is the one above since she's not jumping place to place in Auradon would lean towards edgy and militant for a while until Coronation and later in the series where it leans more like EGIRL/Prep as her hair gets longer and is just plain black and cut again so she would wear a baggy clothes with combat boots in darker shades of purple and green while some of her shoes consist of designs of her own graffiti in the earlier parts and eases slowly into more to skinny jeans and a shirt that's stuck in with some canvas shoes. You notice how her outfits would present a very dominant leader energy because her outfits would stand out a lot when she stands with the group. Reflecting her always in control and assertive role as leader in the group. Whether in maybe the graphics on her shirt or the pattern until later where her and the core four all equally stand out in their own ways but not clash with one another and she's not trying to outshine any of them. So her style choices in the beginning reflects how she sees herself more of a pawn to her mother and more of someone was placed in charge due to her mother's orders which makes her prone to have a harder time shifting from that mindset in the beginning.

EVIE

Her outfit is very male gaze oriented, intentionally as presented on how she was raised so how she dresses is out of place for normal people on the Isle that live more in the inner city as she dresses more for fashionable and what the Isle consider Auradon like. However don't get it twisted because her outfit is quite practical than one thinks. Her outfit is a dress with attached shorts that is hard to see due to her dress because she dresses in a way for the male gaze. Her sleeves are utilized in a way that she can keep weapons. Any weapon. Same applies to her dress skirt the cut is makes her capable of sneaking in a knife or something same rules don't apply to her purse as it just keeps makeup and a mirror in hand for quick access. Her dress is pretty tight at the waist as her mother always say "tinier the waist the better" and the closest thing of love she got from her mom is that she complimented her waist so her outfits then on compliment her waistline. Her colors are still blue and red as her mother thinks that what works because Snow White but later on she will have mementos of her mother's colors of red, black, purple, greens, and gold albeit jewelry or clothing pieces. Her shoes aren't made for any parkour. Most of her shoes are heels. Mother says a girl in heels fluctuate the legs. Her hair is in the braid as it makes her face pop out more, it represents also the strict beauty guidelines she follows due to her mother's influence so her hair will always be up and tight until later on she starts wearing it loser to present how confident she is in her skin. Her hair leans towards a black blue color it's has a blue shine if you see it in the sun which has a slight color reference to her D1 hair mixed with D3. As a result her Auradon fashion can be formed with ease as it's a easier transition since she dresses like that before going to Auradon so her outfits would be very reflective of what's popular in Auradon without the prep, so she would wear dresses but they would be in darker colors and have a few spikes. Of if she was wearing a skirt it would be a synthetic leather. Her fashion is edgy prep until later in the series where it's still edgy but has a color tune up a bit. Her outfits will very much reflecting of fitting in Auradon as much as possible and try to appeal to the male gaze in Auradon as she would try to look more modest and muted compared to everyone in the group until later on she's comfortable of being herself as she dresses more for herself and wears what's fashionable and what makes her comfortable than what her mother thinks. Her outfit choices reflects more of her needing to be approved by others which makes her have a wavering confidence in what she wears forming into her wearing clothes she would never be caught dead wearing but has to so she gets her mother's and other's approval until she realizes that she lives for her not anyone else.

JAY

This dude knows he's a little shit. So he dresses like one. His is simple and it reflects that he needs to have places to store a box cutter and a cheap necklace. He's all about practicality. He hates and I mean HATES anything that prevents him from moving in absolute precision. There is no leather on him besides his pants which are similar to Mal's with the leather accents. Now his hair is long and just up until later he wears is down often and is just styled. So his Auradon outfits will reflect Mal in some form, it's different because it leans towards athlesiure, jock, and skater in many different ways until later he leans towards athlesiure and jock with a sprinkle of skeeter fashion with brighter colors and more simplicity so not a lot of patterns or graphics. His earlier outfits will always be outshined by Mal. No matter how similar it can be it will always be outshined by Mal. His outfit choices shows how he just goes along with Mal because that's who he knew the longest next to the fact that he doesn't crave the same need for power and leadership as Mal does he just in it for the loot and his mindset isn't about teamwork it's just what works for enough for him to get his share until he notices that he gets and works enough to get his share but...he isn't noticed that also made sure everyone get theirs, just somewhat ran over just because everyone assumes he doesn't care when he does or take it for themselves so they get brighter and become separate and drastically different from Mal making him shine.

CARLOS

His outfits are practical yet fashionable like Evie's but simple. He wears anything that makes him blend in blend in. He blends in so hard that Evie stands out more than him. His clothes are very two sided like his mom's hair but he only literally have one outfit since being on the Isle and what was in his bag of stuff when he went to Auradon was like a few inventions and games and some pictures and his oversized jacket and finally getting new clothes given by Evie and some new friends he makes as seen worn here because he doesn't really go out. His hair remains the same and just gradually gets longer and he can place it in a ponytail. Which if posted on his friend's stories just looks like a maltese ponytail. His Auradon outfits are simple and blends in more better in Auradon than Evie's. He mostly wear button up shirts with some pants or sweater. He just is scared and a lot of his clothes represent security in the beginning so some of clothes would be bagger than others until later he becomes more secure and wears clothes that reflects his newfound happiness and security which is more fashionable and what's popular with Auradonian boys while being himself. As with such with the two-sided clothing from before it also presents what his personality is like really in real life, and his oversized jacket is washed its a pure white jacket. He's witty and comical and iconic while also being anxious and terrified. So his outfit choices reflects him coming out of his shell show what more of him meets the eye making him be the iconic king he is.

I hope that this analysis makes sense 😭 please let me know if it doesn't! Also i would like to hear some suggestions because ironically fashion is also not my strong suit and I'm worried that I made them too ooc but know disney i probably wasn't far off smh-

[saleintothe90s]

422. ”Carrie” (May 12 - May 15 1988)

I adore reading about flops. One of my favorite flops to read about is Carrie the musical. A doomed production from the start. Millions of dollars wasted. Bad costumes. Filler songs.

Similar to my Simpsons season 10 review, I wanna give something to the worst aspects of the show. With Simpsons, bad episodes were awarded Marge’s homemade Pepsi. For Carrie, I think I’m going to give the bad parts the “Vending Machine Maxi Pad” award. 

As most anybody who follows Broadway flops knows, clips from Carrie are scarce and are in poor condition on YouTube. Most of the actual clips are from when the show was in test productions in Stratford Upon Avon, but the music has been replaced with the Broadway soundboard.  So, keep that in mind. Most of the time you can’t even make out what’s going on. Here’s the closest copy of the entire show I could find on YouTube, from the Sratford Upon Avon production. 

I know people bash the musical, and sometimes it’s rightfully so, but two things are consistent: Linzi Hateley who played Carrie, and that orchestra that is on.point. Check out the overture.

(source)

The show begins with girls cheering in gym class in the beginning of an aerobics lesson?  The white gym shorts look like diapers. That’s the first of many costume mistakes. 

The song is a banger, I love Darlene Love playing the gym teacher, she’s my favorite part of the song. The only part that is cringey to me is when the girls sing “I go CrAzZyyyyy” and they get on the ground and dance like a toddler having a temper tantrum in a Toys R Us. Since the audio quality is so bad in these clips, I thought at one point the girls were singing about not being caught picking their nose, no, the lyric is:

Bought the clothes, did my nose,

Near the end of the song, the girls are on these rising rafters? It took me for-ever to realize that they were simulating a cheerleader pyramid, and that Carrie had snuck in near the end of the number to be on the bottom of the pyramid. Oh, and she causes it to fall and someone tells her to eat shit. 

“Dream On” is the song that the girls sing while in the showers. Why yes, it does look like they’re in the nude due to the poor quality of the video.  The song is ok, it gives total night driving home from the mall in the late 80s early 90s vibes.  Although one girl says the line, “Six foot three and he's in his forties!”. WHAT. 

Carrie breaks those vibes at around 3:44 by screaming that she’s bleeding. When Miss Gardener slaps Carrie, a cymbal plays. I love it.

I like to imagine that when the girls threw the tampons and pads at Carrie, some flew into the audience. 

“Carrie” is shrill at first, and then it turns into a bit of snoozefest. Linzi sings the name “Carrie” about 458 times. 

Betty Buckley who previously had played the original Grizabella in Cats. and who played the gym teacher in the original movie plays Carrie’s mom. Her song, “Open Your Heart” is pretty good. It’s a nice little break before mom goes bottoms up on Carrie for getting her period (”And Eve Was Weak” [Stratford version with Barbara Cook]):

Carrie: I was in the shower and...

Mom: You’re forbidden from showering with the other girls...

Carrie: I started to bleed!

While Carrie spends the rest of the night in a cellar, the popular girls are at the drive-in. Now, this musical cost over $7 million dollars 1, but yet this was the best set they could think of for a drive-in movie theater: 

It looks like something out of a high school play -- which I guess makes a little sense since they are high schoolers? I’m grabbing at straws here. It cost so much money to put Carrie on, what’s a few more dollars to have two real hollowed out cars on stage, one with Chris (in the red) & Billy (in black) in it, and the other with Sue (pink leggings) and Tommy (purple windbreaker)? 

“Don’t Waste the Moon” is the song sung at the drive-in, with Sue having regrets about throwing tampons at Carrie in the beginning of the song. The song is very 1980s, and it kind of doesn’t fit in the musical. Gene Anthony Ray’s (Billy) talent is wasted here. 

It’s time for some “Evening Prayers” for Carrie where she discusses with God her new telekinesis powers. Meanwhile Carrie’s mom is being a worrywort. During the Stratford production, Carrie’s mom is in a rocking chair over there looking like Whistler’s Mother. 

“You’re going to tell Carrie that you’re sorry!” belts out Miss Gardner. In the musical, Chris seems more obsessed with torturing Carrie than in the movie or book if that’s even possible. Sue is like, “What did she even do to you?”. Even Billy asked earlier, “Who the hell is Carrie White?”. 

Oooof. Seeing the gym teacher try to cheer Carrie up by singing a song about the prom (”Unsuspecting Hearts”) and how she could go too is patronizing. Even if its sung by Darlene Love. 

“Do Me a Favor” might be the most infamous song from the musical. It’s the song I see referred to the most when I read bad reviews. For some reason Chris is wearing a metallic red bodysuit and Sue is wearing a light pink bodysuit. Are they supposed to be that cliche devil and the angel on the shoulder thing? 

Chris looks like Evil Homer! 

I’m going be the unpopular opinion here and say that I love the song! The erratic dancing also fits with the song. 

Carrie tells her mom before “I Remember How Those Boys Would Dance” that Tommy is sweet and polite, but the audience doesn’t know that. Tommy is barely a character in this production. In the end, Carrie uses her powers to shut her mama up.

From what I gather in “Out for Blood” (audio) where Chris and Billy go looking for a pig to kill, the chorus dancers are the pigs? The video quality is so poor. Chris had another crazy ass red outfit on, some sort of shiny red skirt and a crop top. The costumes in this are just horrible. It was like the wardrobe budget was $50. 

This song is so.so.bad. It reminds me of whenever Rocko from Rocko’s Modern Life would see a movie trailer or a parody of something on TV for some reason?! Or the “gotta get that Reptar song” from Rugrats when the kids saw Reptar on ice. Especially when the chorus tells Billy to kill the pig: 

CHORUS Cha! Kill the pig, pig, pig! CHRIS Go! CHORUS Kill 'im, kill 'im, kill, kill! We'll make him bleed! CHRIS Go! CHORUS Get the blood, blood, blood Oooh, blood! CHRIS Oh, baby show... CHORUS Kill the pig, make 'im bleed Let's get the blood, that's all we need!

Sue’s song “It Hurts to be Strong” is a bit of a throw-away. It gets a vending machine maxi pad award. Moving on. It’s filler  

In “I’m Not Alone”, Carrie sings while using her powers to move things around in her room. What things? I don’t know the video quality was so bad. That’s another thing! The sets are nonexistent! I wouldn’t know we were in Carrie’s room unless the Playbill told me. It’s another forgettable song. Three in a row!

Betty Buckley saves the day in, “When There’s No One”, a sad song about facing life without Carrie being her subordinate. 

I don’t understand the prom dresses in “Wotta Night”, they’re all garish giant white numbers that make the actresses look about 20 pounds heaver.  The guys look like that Rio doll from Jem. The costume designer couldn’t just go to Alexanders or A&S and buy prom dresses? You know, why am I even asking at this point. We all saw what Chris has been wearing this whole time. There is a disco ball thrown aside in the corner instead of hanging up. More on that later.

The song sounds way too much like that song “Rock on” by David Essex.  Automatic Vending Machine Maxi Pad. 

Here’s a cute rehearsal clip I found of “Heaven”, the song sung while the Prom Queen and King ballots are being counted. Unfortunately, the audio is bad. Chris is there to remind us that she’s still out for blood.

Finally, finally it’s time for Carrie the prom queen to get drenched with blood -- but the thing is, due to microphone technology back then, Carrie really couldn’t have blood dumped on her. Chris and Billy just run up to her and half ass pour the bucket at her. Could the set designer not suspend the bucket from above the stage? Is that also why the disco ball is thrown in the corner? I don’t even think she has stage blood on her during “The Destruction”, (which is the best song from the musical).  I think a red spotlight over Carrie signifies the blood.

I think Linzi is really only truly covered in blood for press shots. 

Anyway, the Destruction, I love it when she screeches “DOESN’T ANYBODY EVER GET IT RIGHT??! DOESN’T ANYBODY THINK THAT I HEAR?!” It’s the best. I could listen to it all day and I almost did the other day. 

Due the poor video quality, I can’t really tell how the prom-goers are dying. They’re kinda just twitching there in the laser light or slamming themselves against the clear barrier that descended from the stage to signify Carrie closing the doors to the gym. 

After Carie kills everybody, this giant white staircase descends and covers up the gym. I read somewhere, I forgot where, that its supposed to be the school stairs? We’re led to believe that Carrie’s crazy mom ran to the school. The first time I saw it, I thought that it was Carrie and her mom getting ready to go to heaven. I thought maybe someone over at the set department took the classic song too literally. 

It appears that while the stairs are descending, Carrie smears stage blood on her. 

The reprise of “Carrie’ is so much better than the original. Carrie stops her mom’s heart cold mid song. Then she slins down the stairs and Sue catches her. In an interview on playbill.com, Betty Buckley says that on opening night (I don’t know if she meant the first preview, or the official opening night), there were boos from the audience at the end, but cheers for Linzi and herself. I believe it. Betty and Linzi were amazing. Darlene Love was amazing. The rough scenes are the scenes with the school kids. They’re awful, in the words of my boy Jay Sherman, “they’re awful I tell you. aw.ful.” 

(relevant prom .gif) 

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1. Rothstein, Mervyn. “After Seven Years And $7 Million, ‘Carrie’ Is a Kinetic Memory (Published 1988).” The New York Times, May 17, 1988, sec. Theater. https://www.nytimes.com/1988/05/17/theater/after-seven-years-and-7-million-carrie-is-a-kinetic-memory.html.

New York City Broadway reviews on the news in NYC for Carrie.  That first reviewer, Stuart Klein, I love him. I’ve watched several of his reviews on flops on YouTube. Joel Sigel who was the Good Morning America film reviewer is here too. 

Archive of Betty Buckley interview. 

[cherriegyuu]

Let’s talk I-Land | episode 9

Let’s start because there’s a lot I want to go over. I’ll try my best to keep this short but once in a while (read always) my reviews become so bigger than I intended.

I’m not someone who’s afraid to admit that she was wrong and maybe I was. Look, Heesung ain’t that bad. This episode made me notice a pattern that I hadn’t yet. I won’t point it out yet, I don’t want to go from “Heesung is a dick” to “forget Heesung, this guy is the real problem”. Let’s wait for next week and whatever happens.

Guys, I love Jay. I really do. Not in the “I have a crush on him” kind of way, he is barely legal and that would be so gross, but in the way that I think his passion is something to be admired. Sometimes watching shows like this you spot this kid who is just a great leader and I think Jay is that person in i-land. And I know we can talk about this being in the sense that he tried so hard because he wanted to well but when it’s a group everyone needs to do well so the group will really shine. Like he took the time to look at the song, see what everyone could bring in through their strong points. He being center made sense, he just has this aura about him. He did the best last week in DNA and now again in his team. I really hope he passed this round, I wasn’t joking when I said I’d hunt y’all.

The performances:

Flicker: very good, the song wasn’t my favorite it sounded very similar through the whole thing but the performance was really great. I personally wouldn’t choose Jake as the best, I think Jungwon did a better performance. But I can accept that the mentors opinion.

Dive Into You: I can’t accept the mentors opinion lmao. Jay, Niki and Sunoo did really well. I’m fucking tired of them barely mentioning Hanbin, I don’t know if this is an editing problem and mnet is being trash again or if they just ignore the kid entirely, either way is bad. I liked the song better, I would actually listen to it in my headphones but in the overall performance team flicker did better.

I just want to take a moment to laugh at bighit, they are such a joke lmao. Like this is a bighit show, that’s how this shit has been promoted since forever and yet they couldn’t get their artist to go down and meet the trainees. Instead they get seventeen, who is not an artist under bighit but under a subsidiary that bighit bought way after seventeen made their debut, to go down and talk to the kids. I’m not throwing shade at seventeen, I actually like them and their all very talented. I’m talking solely about bighit and the way their handling this. Even yg send big bang and 2en1 to be mentors/judges of his shitty realities, not to mention blackpink and winner during treasure box.

Here’s my current top 7, now that geonu is gone.

Sunoo

Sunghoon

Jungwon

Niki

Jay

Daniel

Heesung

I’ll probably have to let someone go, I honestly don’t see this group debuting without K unless people go crazy with their votes and eliminate him, which is also very unlikely. If I had to let one go I would say Daniel since the mentors have been very hard at him, he hardly gets good comments so… idk.

Let’s wait for next week.

Also, about the voting… I don’t get the timing. The MC announced that we would know who got eliminated next week, right after the performance for the trainees, but there’s still voting going on. Does that mean that today will be really the last day of voting and there won’t a chance to vote later? I thought they would do something like, elimination happens on the 28th so you can vote until the 26th and then open for voting again. Something like that so they would have time to shoot everything. Idk at this point anymore. I actually really want this show to be over. It’s gotten me way too stressed out.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Modern Family: Baby Steps (11x15)

There are only so many different ways I can discuss how this final season has felt stagnant and uninspired... but there was actually one good plot thread here, I suppose!

Cons:

I want to talk about Alex. Rarely have I felt like a main character on a television show has been so poorly utilized. Who even is Alex? In this episode, she goes back to her old college, encounters some protesters and her old professor Arvin, who make her realize that she's working for a big unethical company. So she decides to work for Arvin's research team instead, using her smarts for good instead of evil. Okay... what a nice little plot arc for Alex. Too bad it all happens in one episode. Did I know that Alex felt ethical qualms about her job before now? Did I know this was a dilemma for her? She also talks about her "glow up," about how going back to the school triumphant and successful will be a big moment for her. Is that something I knew she needed/wanted? Is she searching for validation? Alex's colleges years on the show were so strangely framed and never really properly set up, so...

Bottom line is, this is fine. Alex taking a job that will make her less money but will be helping the world seems like a great move for anyone to make. But I don't know this person. I haven't really gotten to know her as an adult.

Also, apparently Haley is back at work after having the babies - that feels like it could have been a big moment, but it's brushed past like it's no big deal. And another thing... I don't want to be That Person who brings the room down, but all the jokes about Haley's company and their alternative/holistic lifestyle stuff... it's supposed to be a parody of Gwyneth Paltrow's "goop" thing, and other similar ideas. We're all supposed to chuckle when Haley points out that none of the company's employees are actually scientists and yet they're selling things for people to put into their bodies. But the thing is? That shit is straight-up predatory. People paying money for pills and products that do nothing, or even actively harm? It's a serious issue! I just wanted to point that out, because there's really no nuance provided for the fact that Haley works for an evil company, even as Alex is taken to task for the same thing.

Claire's story-line is in some way like Alex's, in that it feels perfectly fine for this to be the next step for the character, but it's so shoe-horned, and so uninspired. Basically, she wants to work for a company that sells organizational products, but she gets her foot stuck in a broken stair, so Jay and Phil help to bring her bookcase over behind her so she can Skype and pretend to be in her office for her interview. From there it's just stupid slapstick. Jay is having an allergic reaction to a mushroom, so Claire has to keep making excuses for the bookcase moving, or for Jay sneezing... and then the whole thing falls apart, Claire is honest, and she gets the job. I don't know... does this just feel like a retread of the same story beats we've done for Claire over and over again? She's never going to be fulfilled staying at home, so she gets a job, she's high-powered but trying to balance work/life, she quits the job, now she's looking for a new one? Okay... cool, I guess. Also, we get jokes made at the expense of people with compulsive disorders. Thanks, I hate it.

Pros:

One thing I will say for Alex's story-line is that it was nice to see Arvin again. The whole bit where Arvin is just casually talking with Haley and Alex, and Haley seems to truly believe that Arvin is still hung up on her, was pretty hilarious. I also like how he was polite, and only joined in the protest to save face, but later when he was alone with Alex he admitted his real opinion about her life choices. That was a nice little re-direct.

While Claire's portion of the episode was mostly boring and also too silly for my taste, I did like the little hints of chaos in Claire's life. Dylan needing to get upstairs to the baby, and Luke continuing to fall down the stairs, only for everyone to shrug it off, relieved that it wasn't Dylan or Gloria or one of the babies... that did make me chuckle!

The big success story of this episode is Cam and Mitchell's plot thread. I'm still kind of miffed/frustrated that they apparently aren't going the route of having them move away at the end of the show, because that would have been an interesting status quo shift. But I will admit, this episode got me right in the feels. Everything that happens is predictable, but it's no less powerful for that. Basically, Cam and Mitchell struggle with the decision about adopting a baby boy. They hem and haw, and ultimately decide that if it were the right thing, the decision wouldn't be so challenging... but then the adoption agency calls, and when Mitchell answers to tell them no, they both look at each other and just... know what the right thing to do is. They're having a baby, and they're also buying a bigger house!

There were just a lot of moments I loved here. Cam and Mitchell lying in bed, talking about prose and cons... one of their "pros" was finding out for sure how much of Lily's personality is their fault, and how much is on her! And then speaking of, when they go to talk to Lily, she is immediately supportive, but then points out how old they will be if they have a baby now, by the time that baby is grown.

And then there's the way Gloria gets involved. They go to talk to her about it, since she has experience having a baby a bit later in life, but end up enamored with the house she's in the middle of showing. They start to imagine a future with this new house, and a new baby, and things start to spiral. Gloria is in the background, doing her sale's pitch. I thought that was a fantastic way to integrate Gloria's progress and character development. It's something I wish the show could pull off successfully more often.

So yeah - Cam and Mitchell deciding to adopt a new baby is about as emotionally manipulative as you can get, but I have allowed myself to be emotionally manipulated. While the moment of their big decision was a success in my eyes, the rest of this episode was pretty much a swing and a miss.

7/10

[spnbaby-67]

Ghost Of You

A/N: And here is chapter one, of Ghost of you. This idea hit me the other night when I was thinking back on my own life, don’t ask long story lol. but I thought it would be a cool idea to write a different kind of series I haven’t tried yet. I’ll make sure if there is any warnings to label them correctly for you. I know i have several series that is in the works and I plan to get with them, I can’t help with the muse strikes to write.. Anyways, as always this is for pure entertainment, please do not copy and paste on other sites, its not cool..I mean no harm to anyone in the story especially Jensen. he’s an amazing person and I just love him and his family to bits. I do not know them personally, other than by what i have been reading on them. this is an AU so for the sake of this Jensen is SINGLE.. (I love Danneel but Jay’s single)  I have no beta, and as I said before, I am using Grammarly which is aggravating at times because of how many times it asks me to change my sentence lol.. so hope ya’ll have a good one.. 

Pairing: Jensen and OFC Molly, Jensen and Reader (eventually), 

Warnings: none other than a couple of cuss words.

Its a couple of days before Christmas Eve, and your home alone. Just you and the fireplace roaring a bright yellow ember heating the house to warm it up. The weather outside was cold and down to the low teens,19 degrees to be exact according to the thermostat. No snow as it never snows in Texas, but very cold. The coolness you felt when you walked in from next door, made your whole body shiver.  So you decided to go too you're room to grab the blanket that you love to wrap up in on cold nights like this, then headed to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate. To set the mood further, you turned off the house lights and left only the lights on from the Christmas tree you had set up a while back with Molly.  After your hot chocolate was made, you went to sit down on the couch, got comfy and turned the TV on to watch Supernatural. You had no family, no one to really go see, and no children yet; so to pass the time, and watch the one show you love.

You worked as a waitress down the street from your house, and your boss was kind enough to give all his employees a week off while he went home to visit family. But before having your week off, it was grueling and tiring. It was as if the customers knew you were going on a break and did there best to make sure you worked for it. Whatever could go wrong, did. You broke a coffee pot when it slipped from your hands as a customer bumped into you, spilling the hot liquid everywhere on him, you, then the rest on the floors. Your boss Earl yelled at you for letting it get on a customer because he came back that evening with a petition to sue. But later found out he was just a scam artist waiting for things to happen. Then, the worst was when you had a full plate of hot food fall everywhere when some kid thought it would be funny to slip his foot out to make you trip. Needless to say, you went home looking like Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street with bruises to match. It was days like this that you want to look for other jobs or start your own business. But with money scarce right now and with things to pay, it was the only job you had at the moment, so you had to do your best to keep it.

Turning the TV on, you pull up the Netflix app since you really didn't care about cable or satellite, it just wasn't a major deal right now. Besides, Netflix was home to your favorite show Supernatural, and you could watch any episodes anytime you wanted to. You couldn't count the times on your hands how many times you rewatched the series from beginning to current since you found the show. It was your go-to when having a bad day, or when you felt you needed to see a particular pair of green eyes that made your insides jelly when you saw him. Dean Winchester was the one you dreamt of every night. He was the one who you felt the closest to of the two brothers. Your past was similar to his and the emotions you held back, as Dean does, knew you would be a Dean girl the moment you were introduced to Supernatural.

Watching the Christmas special episode, you felt for both of the brothers. You knew what it was like to grow up with one parent and them be gone half your life. Your mom passed away when you were 7 from cancer, and your dad was a businessman who bought and sold any business's that was going under and needed the funding, so he was gone somewhere for weeks at a time. You stayed with the live-in nanny, Molly then 20. She was the only person that you trusted and was there for you when you needed someone. She attended your school programs, after-school activities, and help you with your projects late at night even last minute. Molly let you get by with a lot of things, as long as it didn't get you in trouble. But when your dad was actually home, you had to remind yourself to be on good behavior.

He was very strict about dress codes in and out of the house, how you presented yourself to people, and he made sure your school work was to his liking before you went to bed. You weren't caught off guard when he died in an auto accident that took his life immediately when you were 18, yeah you had the sad feelings and mourned for him. It was a natural thing,  however, at the same time, you didn't know what else to do. You were numb, confused, and more importantly, alone. Besides, Molly.

Your dad had left you a will that included everything to you when you turned 25. Which you with Molly's help, sold the only house you ever lived in and put the money in the bank for safe keeping. You put yourself through college and took basic courses, but decided college wasn't for you. It brought you down to the point you couldn't handle the stress of deadlines and term papers. You then decided it was time to move. Molly suggested somewhere where you can get a good job and a safe environment, so you moved to Austin, Texas. Where now, you lived in a one bedroom condo next door to Molly who followed along with you. She had no family either and no place to go, so you considered her a close friend or sister as you sometimes would tell people.  Even though she was 12 years older, she still watched out for you.

Life was going good, but the loneliness does get you, especially on nights like this. You could hear the commotion coming from Molly's apartment, and at times it made you feel sad. But you didn't want to go over there because of how tired and exhausted you were from spending the day prior with her. So, Netflix, Supernatural, and Dean Winchester to the rescue.

Hearing someone tap on your door, you paused the TV a moment. Had a perplexed look on your face because you didn't know who would be knocking at a time like this. You got up, padded over to the door, with caution you opened it. "Hi? Is this Molly Jamison's house?" He asked politely.

Your eyes widen, your heart raced, "Holy shit!" You opened the door wider to make sure you weren't actually dreaming. "Y-your Jensen Ackles."

A smile appeared on his face, "I am, and your not Molly."

"Um, no. Molly, she's lives right there." You pointed to show the door of her condo.  "She is so fucking dead, like extremely dead." You muttered under your breath hoping he didn't hear anything.

He turned back to face you, "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

You gulped, "Um, no. But Molly is in there though, you can," you paused a moment, "in fact, here let me get her for you."  With nothing but your pajamas and cozy socks on, you go over to her apartment and open the door. "MOLLY!" You shouted over the noise and guest.

She heard you and came over to you. "Oh Fuck, Hi Jensen." She reached over to hug him.

"Hi Mols, long time no see." You thought to yourself as they hugged, that he hugged her a little longer than just a first time meeting him type hug, and not just some out of the blue hug. She was definitely in big trouble.

The look on your face was priceless to Molly, she wanted to laugh. It was not exactly the way she wanted you to find out about Jensen. But she knew she was going to have a lot of answers to questions that you knew you were going to ask. She stepped back to let Jensen go in, "Go on in Jay, everyone is here." She patted at his chest like she known him forever.

"Nice to meet you?" He looked at you questioningly.

"Um, Y/N." You managed to tell him. "You too have a good night."

You watched him go in and meet with the other people that you knew where there, and once he was out of earshot, you looked at Molly. "What the fuck? How the hell do you know Jensen Fucking Ackles?" You yelled above a whisper so others wouldn't hear you.

She bit her lip, "Go change, come over and I'll introduce you to him properly."

She saw you place your hands on your hips, "this," you pointed between you and her. "Is not over, by a long-shot. You are like so dead, so completely dead." You told her as you squinted your eyes at her.

Molly smiled, she knew what she was doing. "I'll see you in a bit," she winked at you then went inside her own apartment. Leaving you in the middle of the cold hallway until you came to your senses to go back inside your own apartment, to change and go back over there to hopefully spend time with Jensen Fucking Ackles.

Current Tags:

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[newstanmarshblog]

Carrying a Best Friend: Chapter 6

   At Red Robin, Stan & Kenny are having a wonderful time with Karen. Stan & Karen were getting to know each other a little more that it was getting up to the point they were starting a new friendship together, and that really gave Kenny a joyful smile on his face. Some of the things that Stan & Karen share in common includes their love for animals, dark superhero characters, swimming, their dream to visit Yellowstone National Park, and their strong hatred on the hit show, Dancing with the Stars. When lunch was severed to them, Stan had his impossible burger while Karen had fish & chips.

   *15 minutes later after their lunch was severed to them*

   Karen: *laughing* Wow, that was one of the best and biggest meals that I ever had in a long time. I probably won’t have dinner tonight after this.

   Kenny smiling: I’m glad you enjoy your meal.

   Stan: And my burger was just the way that I like it. It almost tastes like my mom’s cooking on veggie burgers.

   Karen: Your mom makes veggie burgers?

   Stan: Yep. Even though I still love regular burgers, but sometimes whenever I’m in a mood for a decent size meal that doesn’t require meat, I’ll ask my mom to round up some veggie burgers. You should give my mom’s veggie burger a try someday. They’re some of my most favorite things that she ever cooks, and they taste like actual burgers.

   Karen: I would love to give them a try someday. And speaking of your mom, how do you two think she’s gonna handle about your secret when you guys tell her later today?

   Stan: That’s something that I’m very nervous about. My mom may have experience a lot of crazy things in the past, but I don’t know how she’s gonna react to my unusual virgin pregnancy. I’m just hoping she doesn’t have a panic attack or something worse.

   Kenny: Well, Stan, you did said that your mom is a very trustful person. And knowing our moms very well that they love us so deeply that they’ll believe every word that we say to them, then I’m sure your mom will be very understandable.

   Stan: Thanks, dude.

   Karen: Give me a text or call sometime later after you two tell her everything.

   Stan: Do you have a cell phone with you?

   Karen: I only have a flip phone, but it still works pretty good.

   Stan: Okay, then.

   Stan & Karen exchange their cellphone numbers to each other.

   Stan: I’ll give you a call later tonight if everything goes good with my mom.

   Karen: I go to bed by around 10:00. So, if all is good between you and your mom, call me before then.

   Stan: Will do.

   After paying up for their lunch, they walk back to the McCormick’s house along with a to-go southern charm burger for Stuart. Later on following dropping Karen back to her home and saying goodbye to her, Stan & Kenny make their way back to the apartment building. And as they came in, Samson immediately gets excited to runs up to Stan. Stan gets onto his knees to greet his dog.

   Stan smiling: Hey, little buddy! Happy to see me very early than usual?

   Samson was wagging his tail, and gives Stan some kisses.

   Stan: *laughs* You’re such a good boy.

   Kenny was thinking into his mind of how adorable Stan was with his dog. It gives him a tiny ghostly blush.

   Kenny: What time does your mom come home from work again?

   Samson heard Kenny’s voice with an alert look on his face.

   Kenny: Ah, shit! Sorry, dude.

   Stan: It’s okay. It’s just the three of us until my mom comes home from work at least shortly after 5:00. And besides, I would like for Samson to get used of your presence here. Say hello to him.

   Kenny: Okay…um, hi Samson. Recognize my voice? It’s me, Kenny.

   The dog once again hears Kenny’s voice. Samson feels so confused onto why he’s hearing someone else’s voice right in front of him and yet doesn’t see that person anyway.

   Kenny: I’m sorry that you can’t see me, boy. But I’m currently a ghost that’s gonna be here for serval months, and you’re gonna have to get used to hearing me like this until I’m alive again.

   Samson begins to remember Kenny’s voice as they both often used to see each other every weekend whenever Stan takes him on a neighborhood walk. He gives Kenny a sweet bark.

   Stan smiling: He recognizes you, dude. Despite on not seeing you, he at least knows that you’re right here with us.

   Kenny: Great! Let’s see if he’ll come over to me in a further distance.

   He flies over to where the dinning table is at.

   Kenny: Come over here, Samson. Come here!

   Samson runs to where Kenny was at in a lightning speed.

   Kenny smiling: *laughing* Boy, you haven’t run up to me like that in a while.

   Stan: He sure does like you just as much as me and mom.

   Kenny: I may not be as much as a big animal lover as you and Karen, but I’ll admit, being around with Samson puts a big smile in my face. Kinda makes me wish that I have my own pet someday.

   Stan: Maybe we should talk about that with your family the next we meet up any of them.

   Kenny: Karen sometimes talks about on having a cat to keep our mice infestation under control, but we don’t have the budget to buy or adopt one at the moment.

   Stan: Well, once your family budget is settled enough, go on ahead to adopt one from the animal shelter. And besides, cats are often more affordable to own than dogs.

   Kenny: Huh, I didn’t know that. I’ll keep that in mind when we meet up with my dad again.

   Stan: And in the meantime until my mom comes back, you wanna keep on playing with Samson for the time being?

   Kenny: Sure! I definitely would love to see more of Samson’s playful energy that you keep telling me about.

   For a while, Stan & Kenny have their fun with Samson. While Stan plays a game of fetch with him, Kenny plays a game with him that’s similar to hide-and-seek, expect that Kenny makes a whispering noise and Samson has to find the exact location to where the whispering noise is coming from. After about over 30 minutes of playtime, Samson eventually gets tired out, and Stan & Kenny decided to watch some classic Terrence & Phillip episodes.

   *Later on at 5:05 pm*

   While Stan & Kenny where still at Stan’s room watching Terrence & Phillip, Sharon finally returns home from work as Samson runs up to her as he barks. Stan & Kenny can easily hear Samson’s barking from the bedroom.

   Stan: Sounds like she’s home. Are you ready, dude?

   Kenny: Ready when you are.

   Stan: *takes a deep breath* Let’s do this.

   They leave the bedroom, and then head towards to where Sharon was at.

   Stan: What’s up, mom?

   Sharon: Oh, hi sweetie. I thought you would be at home a little later than me. How was your day today?

   Stan: Well, after I pay my visit to the Mccormicks to see how they were doing, I decided to treat Karen for lunch at Red Robins.

   Sharon: Wow, really? What did you two had over there?

   Stan: I had an impossible burger while she had fish & chips. And while we were there, we got to know each other a little and found out that we had some things in common like our love for animals, and she also wants to go to Yellowstone someday just as badly as me.

   Sharon: Sounds like you two are getting along pretty good.

   Stan: Yeah, she’s a pretty fun and sweet person to be along with. I can see why Kenny loves being around with her all the time as he talks about her with me once a while. We even exchange numbers with so that way we can keep content with each once a while.

   Sharon: I’m pretty happy to hear that you two are friends now. That’ll surely make Kenny very proud.

   Stan: Oh, I’m very sure he’s feeling that way right now up above. And how was you day at work today?

   Sharon: A very surprising day. You would never believe who showed up today to have a nose job.

   Stan: Who?

   Sharon: Jay Cutler.

   Stan: Jay Cutler? You mean the former Bronco quarterback that sucked pretty hard during his NFL career?

   Sharon: That’s right. He was over here as a pit stop before his final push to Black Canyon as his vacation destination, and last night shortly after he made his rent at the motel, he was over at the bar to grab himself a beer where he had a fight with PC Principal.

   Stan: Woah! How did that happen?

   Sharon: PC Principal basically called out on Cutler for supporting Republicans that aren’t for social justice, and that was when Jay Cutler threw in the first punch. While Cutler only made some bruises on PC’s chest and jawbone, PC threw in a serious punch at Cutler’s noise that caused a bit of major damage.

   Stan: Damn. When did he showed up during your day at work?

   Sharon: He showed up unexpectedly just shortly after I clocked in. He asked me for any open appointments, and as I was setting up his nose job appointment, that was when I asked him about his broken nose and he told me everything that lead up to it.

   Stan: And what kind of nose job did Cutler ended up getting?

   Sharon: He wanted a nose job that looked like Tom Brady’s nose, but it ended it up looking more like Phillip Rivers’ nose.

   Stan: Ouch, that sucks for him. But anyway, I need to talk with you about something very important.

   Sharon: How important is it?

   Stan: Sit with me at the couch, and I’ll tell you everything.

   They both walk together to the couch, and took their seat.

   Stan: Mom, what I’m about to tell you is absolutely true, and you know very well that I would never, EVER, lie to you on any circumstances.

   Sharon: Stanley, whatever it is, you can tell me about it. I’ve always believe in every word that you say to me no matter what.

   Stan: *takes another deep breath* Some nights ago, a spirit came down to me from heaven, and asked me to take upon the biggest task that anyone has ever asked me to do. If I would’ve refused on his plea for help, he could’ve likely disappeared out of existence, and I really didn’t want that to happen since he’s someone that I care about so deeply. I accepted on helping him, but in order for that to get started, I have to carry that spirit’s fetus within me for 9 months. And now as of from this very moment, to the day that I’ll be giving birth to the spirit in order for him to become alive again, I’m currently pregnant with that spirit inside of me.

   Sharon is very stunned from what she had just heard. Her very own son, pregnant with a certain spirit from heaven. She had no idea on what to say next as she was speechless for a moment.

   Stan: Mom? Did you hear every word that I just said to you?

   Sharon: Yes, yes, I heard everything. *another moment of silence* Are you really sure that you’re not pulling my leg?

   Stan: This is no joke, mom. I cross my heart.

   Sharon: I mean, how in the freaking hell are you able to become pregnant?! You don’t even have the bodies parts required to do that kind of task! And who is this spirit person that you’re talking about?

   Stan: He is right here with us. My best friend.

   He nods to his ghostly best friend to speak.

   Kenny: Hello, Mrs. Marsh.

   Sharon gasped as she hears Kenny’s voice.

   Kenny: Sorry to scare you like that.

   Sharon: Is that really you, Kenny? As a ghost, or something else?

   Kenny: I’m a ghost that’s gonna stuck very close to Stan until he gives birth to me 9 months from now since my own mother isn’t alive to deliver me anymore.

   Sharon: How is all of this even possible?!

   Stan: I know all of this sounds very unreal to you, mom, but we’re about to explain everything. It’s gonna be a bit complicated though if you don’t mind that kind of stuff.

   Sharon: As long as I can completely understand on what’s going on, then I’m fine with that. Just first explain to me on how you became pregnant because that’s something I need to know more than anything.

   Stan: After I accepted to help Kenny, he placed his hand onto my belly, and all body parts that are needed for my pregnancy including a womb, a cervix, and the unborn fetus of him were placed inside of me spiritually.

   Kenny: This action can only be done by immortal beings like myself.

   Sharon: Wait a minute. You’re actually immortal? Like, you can’t die permanently?

   Kenny: That’s right, but we’ll explain more about that in a moment. Anyway, for any immortal beings whenever they’re not breathing in the world of the living, they can knocked up any male or female human beings that they pick only as long they know them very personally. If they ended up choosing a male to do that kind of responsibility, then those body parts are spiritually put into the male human host and will disappear in about 24 hours later after giving birth. And we’re also not allowed to fly away more than ten feet away from our human host. Out of everyone that I knew very personally that’s best suited to do this kind of task aside from my mom, it had to be Stan. My sister isn’t old enough, my dad heavily drinks, and I don’t think any of my other friends wouldn’t be willing to do it. Stan was the only most realistic choice that I had.

   Stan: Especially since Kenny is my BFF after all. It was a very hard choice for me to decide since making this decision also means I have to push back my football career aside for the time being, but I really didn’t want to lose him forever out of existence. I just couldn’t let that ever happen to my best friend that’s also like a brother to me. Losing him also would’ve meant losing a huge part of my happiness that’ll never come back ever again. If I would’ve let Kenny fade away, all of those memories that I shared with him ever since kindergarten, I would’ve never see them the same way again. And choosing to let your love one down that desperately needs you more than ever is like letting yourself down so deeply that you’ll never recover for making a dreadfully decision ever again. *begins to sob a bit* I’m really sorry, mom. Please understand on why I decided to do this. I just…didn’t want to lose another person that I truly love again so soon! *sobs way more*

   Sharon was silent for a moment while looking at her son with a sadness look on her face.

   Sharon: Stanley, you have nothing to feel sorry about after on what you just did for your best friend.

   She gives her son a huge hug.

   Stan: *still sobbing a bit* Huh?

   Sharon: I’m very proud of you, sweetheart. By choosing to help not only with Kenny in his most desperate of needs, but you’re also helping with your own heart and soul that is more important than anything else in your life. You have so much love within you even more than I can say that to myself. I’ve been so overjoyed on the type of person that you’ve been growling up as for over the years, and now, you’ve exceeded my expectations. You have the greatest human soul that I’ve ever known, and I couldn’t be more than grateful enough to fully know what you truly are…

   She gives Stan the most lovely kiss that she has ever given to him on his forehead.

   Sharon smiling: An angel.

   Kenny: She’s right. You’re just as much a compassionate person as me. Heck, I even learned some generous lessons from experiencing you helping others during our nearly lifelong relationship up to this point. As well along with my sister, you’ve been giving me some of the most happiest moments that I can ever ask for. You and I are not just the bestest of friends for the rest of time, but we’re also brothers very deep within our hearts too. And I truly love you for that very reason.

   Stan wiping his tears away as he also felted so touched by the wonderful things that were said to him by his mother & best friend.

   Stan smiling: Thank you both so much for not only giving me some of the most happiest moments in my life, but also on helping me to becoming the person that I am today. I love you all!

   Sharon: And we both love you too, Stanley. Our beloved angel.

   Sharon gives Stan one more sweet hug as Kenny also gives him a ghostly hug. And then shortly after Stan had to calmed himself down for a few moments, he & Kenny were ready to continue on talking with Sharon.

   Stan: Okay, mom. You also must be wondering about Kenny’s immortality and wanting to know more about it, right?

   Sharon: Yes, of course. If it’s just as important to know as your pregnancy, then I might as well learn all about that too.

   They explained to Sharon onto everything that they know about Kenny’s immortality curse so far. From how powerful it is, and that it came from Cthulhu somehow. Too on how often he gets killed all the time, and then gets rebirth by his mother shortly afterwards. And to how nobody can’t remember seeing him getting killed because of his curse’s ability to wipe out memories of any mortal witnessing Kenny’s random death experience.

   Sharon: My god. I’m terribly sorry to be hearing all the horrible things that you’ve been going through. I only hope that you’ll find the way to put into the end of your lifelong misery once and for all because after on what you told me everything about your curse, I wouldn’t even wish it upon to my own worst enemy.

    Kenny: Thank you, Mrs. Marsh. Me and Stan here are actually trying to find the hidden location of to where Cthulhu’s worshippers gather at since they’re the only people that should know on how my curse was given to me in the first place, and they’ll likely know on how they can get rid of it for good. And I hope you mind if I ask you this question, but do you know anyone that worships Cthulhu?

    Sharon: Sorry, but I don’t know anyone that worships Cthulhu. In fact, I’ve never even heard of him in my entire life until you two told me much about him. I apologize for not giving you guys any information. The only spiritual stuff that I know of mostly is pretty much anything from my christian faith.

   Kenny: It’s okay. The Cult of Cthulhu is not that well known to most people since they’re a very secretive group. We even don’t know how many people there are that worship him globally.

   Sharon: I see. So, they’re kinda almost like the Freemasons, but not as evil.

   Stan: Yeah, that’s a good way to say about them in a nutshell. Anyway, Kenny’s sister should provide us any future information about them from her gothic friend whenever she gets them. And once we can finally track to their secret location, we plan on going over there in hoping to get rid of Kenny’s curse once and for all before I’ll be giving birth to him.

   Sharon: Hold on a sec, Kenny’s sister knows about everything that’s going on with you two? Who else knows aside from her?

   Kenny: It’s just my sister and dad so far as we actually told them early today.

   Stan: And now we’re telling you everything about our secret as you’re the very first people that I wanted to tell. 

   Sharon: And who else do you two plan on telling to about this secret?

   Kenny: My brother is gonna be told about it eventually whenever he comes to visit here.

   Stan: I also would like to Shelly and uncle Jimbo to know about it too, but please don’t tell them through phone as I would prefer if you tell them about it privately in person. And we also plan on telling our secret to only four of our friends.

   Sharon: And which of those friends might be?

   Kenny: Kyle, Butters, Wendy, and Jimmy.

   Sharon: Ah, they’re all really good friends to trust. Out of every friend that you two have made throwout the years, I definitely like those four the most as they’re all in general good people too. But what about Cartman? You two often hangout with him a lot.

   Stan: He can be a decent friend at times, but he’s more often full of himself than anything else, and he is very impossible person to trust when it comes to private secrets because he’ll tell everyone about it in order to make himself laugh hysterically. We don’t feel comfortable at all to trust Cartman in this kind of secret.

   Sharon: Yeah, I know that feels during my college years.

   Stan: And speaking of college, I need to talk with you about rescheduling my college plans. While I’ll just focus on my Zoology studies for the time being until my pregnancy is over, I still really want to see if I can at least be qualify enough on becoming one of the quarterbacks on their football team for next year. And there might be that time when my belly is really starting to show, I’ll have to temporary leave college until my life is completely back to normal.

   Sharon: We’ll talk about that pretty soon, Stanley, I promise. But right now,  I can see that it’s almost 6 o’clock which means I gotta get going on making our dinner.

   Kenny: Wow, it’s almost 6 o’clock already? Time really does fly by pretty fast once a while.

   Stan: What are you making for dinner, mom?

   Sharon: Well, for the sake on your pregnancy, you’re in luck. I’m making salmon along with a side of broccoli. And for dessert, I got you a yoghurt cake that is strawberry themed.

   Stan smiling: All right!

   Sharon: I’ll call you two when everything is ready.

   Stan: Okay, mom. In the meantime, I’ll just give Karen a quick phone call since I promised her that I would call her later today.

   Sharon: Alrighty, then. See you two in a bit.

   About thirty minutes later after Stan & Kenny had their long conversation with Sharon and then making a quick phone call to Karen to let her know that everything went pretty well, they rejoined with Sharon on having a nice dinner together. Stan really loves his mother’s cooking so much that he even at one point said to her that her cooking skills out shines Randy’s any day. Following from finishing up their dinner and then giving Samson his dinner bowl, it was time for dessert.

   Stan excited: Aw man, I’ve been looking forward to this the most!

   Sharon: I know how much you love your strawberries, sweetie. Enjoy!

   Stan takes a bite from his slice strawberry yoghurt cake, and he freaking loves it.

   Kenny: How is it?

   Stan smiling: Dude, once you’re alive again, you need to try this! This right here, is the best dessert of my life!

   Sharon: I’m glad to hear that you’re enjoying your dessert, honey, but also try not to eat it so quickly. You need to eat your meals nice and normal during your pregnancy, just like how you were eating with your dinner plate.

   Stan: Okay, I’ll keep that in mind. Oh, and since you mentioned my pregnancy, there’s something else that I’ve been needing to talk with you about.

   Sharon: Let me guess, you want to know much from my own pregnancy experience so that way it’ll help you get through your first and likely only pregnancy experience at least a bit easier?

   Stan: That’s right! How did you figured it out?

   Sharon smiling: Mother knows best, sweetheart. As a person that went through two pregnancies, you’re gonna need to learn as much from me as possible so that way Kenny will be healthy enough by the time he is born.

   Kenny: Can you give us a few advices for the night, please?

   Sharon: Sure!

   Stan firstly told his mother that he already found some information from the internet on how to eat and drink healthy for the next nine months. While Sharon was pretty pleased from hearing that, she still gave him on extra tips for his new food diet. One of them being is to stay away from many common snack foods like sugary cookies, candy, and Doritos. And for breakfast, Stan will have to say goodbye to Froot Loops and Frosted Flakes for a while and stick with Multigrain Cheerios and Kellogg’s Red Berries cereal. As for other important advices, Sharon recommends for Stan & Kenny to reduce as much stress as they can because too much stress can lead to Kenny becoming born prematurely that’ll result in having medical problems. Another advice that she gave to them is that they’ll need more than just on having 7 hours per sleep and should instead get as much as somewhere between 8-9 hours per sleep every night, or even sometime take a daily nap whenever they don’t get much needed sleep. And lastly, there was Stan’s main exercise routine that he often does everyday: walking. While he can still take Samson on his regular 30 minute morning walk as usual even as his belly will grow big in the months to come, but once his belly starts to get larger and in during those months if he needs or wants to go somewhere, he’ll have to start driving around more often instead because over walking will not be good for his pregnancy. As for other exercise suggestions, Stan can do weight lifting for each of his arm in serval minutes as long as the dumbbells that he uses weighs about to at least 12 lbs. And on bad weather days, Stan can try on doing yoga lessons which was something that he really doesn’t do at all as he usually prefers the workout style that he receives from football practice, but for the sake of his pregnancy, it’ll have to do.

   It was almost 9 o’clock by the time they’ve end their second long conversation, and Sharon needed to catch her breath for a while from giving Stan & Kenny plenty of pregnancy tips for one night. Meanwhile, Stan & Kenny took Samson outside to let him do his potty work, and then returned back in ten minutes later.

   Stan: Samson did one huge pee out there, so hopefully that’ll keep him from begging to go outside at three in the morning.

   Sharon: That’s good. And boys, I have one more question that I’ll like to know about.

   Kenny: What is it?

   Sharon: When are you two gonna be telling about secret to your four friends?

   Stan: We don’t know yet. It really depends on their schedules whenever they got enough free time.

   Sharon: Well, keep me informed on that once you two have come up a date for it.

   Kenny: Hopefully it’ll be sooner than later when we tell them.

   Stan: Yeah, same. But right now, I just want to have some quiet time before I go to sleep.

   Sharon: Okay.

   Stan: Oh, and mom. Thank you so much for everything today. It really means the whole world to me.

   Stan walks over to his mother to give her one last sweet hug for the night. Sharon was very surprised to be hugged by her lovely son for once as she was usually the one that dose all the hugging, and that Stan doesn’t give hugs to people very often. Heartfelt by her son’s action, she gives him another kiss, but this time in the lips.

   Sharon smiling: And thank you for making me the most happiest mom in the world. Good night, my sweet angel.

   Stan smiling: You too.

   Stan walks to his bedroom.

   Kenny: Woah, dude. I’ve never seen you doing anything like that in ages.

   Stan: What do you mean?

   Kenny: Hugging your mom like that. The last time that I ever saw you giving someone such a hug like that was with Chef shortly before his death.

   Stan: Well, just like being with you, she makes me very human. Like back when I used to live at my dad’s farm before moving out, she would help me and Shelly to keep our good sense of humanity sprit alive despite of the hardships that we all had over there. Along with you, Kyle, and Wendy, my mom is one of very few people that helps to keep my life logical, hopeful, and happy around me. Without all of you, I might as well could’ve became a goth again.

   Kenny smiling: Thanks, Stan. You also make me very human just as much as Karen does. My life would be very senseless without you two.

   Stan smiles back to his BFF for a moment.

   For the rest of the hour, Stan & Kenny just chilled out while watching a documentary about Pets on Youtube, and then Stan gets himself ready for bed.

   Kenny: You know, dude. Just by watching that documentary really wants me to make an adoption on a cat for my family the more I think about it.

       Stan: You wanna do a visit to the animal shelter at some point?

   Kenny: Hmm, I don’t know about doing that during this pregnancy, but I’ll think it over later.

   Stan: Okay, then. Let me know when you made a decision about that.

   Kenny: Have a good night.

   Stan: You too.

   They both shut their eyes for a good night long sleep.

   In the next chapter, Stan & Kenny talks to Kyle, Butters, Wendy, and Jimmy about their secret.

[thecinephale]

I was arguing with my sister about whether Friends was homophobic or not and it led me down a rabbit hole watching a 50 minute supercut of every homophobic/transphobic moment in Friends (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsQ5za-J6I8). Some of it’s really not okay. Some of it actually seems to be commenting on the characters’ homophobia in a way that at least for the time might’ve been progressive. But most of it is just the kind of seemingly innocuous stuff that shapes our culture in a really harmful way. 

Since coming out I’ve had a lot of people ask me why it took until I was 23. Given what I knew about being trans, of course it did. Here is a list of every representation of trans people I saw (that I can remember) in film and tv throughout my childhood and adolescence. 

Friends - Chandler’s parent seems to be a trans woman. It’s somewhat hard to tell because she’s misgendered and dead named by most of the characters. Her attraction to men and wearing of women’s clothing is what Chandler considers to be the root of his emotional problems. She performs at a drag show in Las Vegas, she is very flamboyant, and she’s portrayed as very sexually aggressive (multiple jokes are made out of her coming onto Ross). She is played by Kathleen Turner. I prefer cis women to cis men playing a trans woman but here it just feels like a joke that his “father” could look so “womanly.” Ross and Monica’s dad says, “I didn’t even get to pretend like I’m okay with it” when pulled away at Chandler and Monica’s wedding. Chandler’s “dad” is played as a joke the whole series and any poignancy added when Monica convinces Chandler to invite her to the wedding is lost by the continued jokes at the wedding and throughout the series. Unrelated, Joey says he hooked up with a woman with a big Adam’s Apple. The other five friends comment that women don’t have Adam’s Apples. Joey having hooked up with a trans woman is the joke. I think about this scene all the time.

Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult - Anna Nicole Smith does a silhouetted striptease that ends with the reveal of a penis to Leslie Nielsen’s horror and induced vomiting. It’s funny because her having a penis is SO gross! Ha. Ha. Ha.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective - Similar but even worse. When Ace Ventura realizes his crush/person he just kissed is a trans woman he has a full Jim Carrey freak out, eating a tube of toothpaste and showering like a cliche sexual assault victim (funny!). Then even worse at the end he reveals that she is trans by forcibly stripping her naked and revealing the outline of her genitalia tucked between her legs. This causes the dozens of cops and detectives witnessing this charade to gag. Because it’s SO gross!!!

Family Guy - There’s probably so much transphobia on this show that I don’t even remember and I certainly haven’t watched this show since high school so who knows with the later seasons. But the most obvious example was the very special episode with Quagmire’s dad coming out. There are a lot of awful jokes I don’t want to dwell on, but the worst is when Brian fills the room with vomit because he slept with her. This vomiting thing seems to be a trend.

Life of Brian - I take issue with Monty Python and lot of British comedy for constantly thinking putting a man in a dress equals comedy. I’m totally fine with sketch shows where men play women characters but the joke can’t be the gender swap. When I first tried wearing dresses outside I couldn’t shake the feeling of being a joke in a Monty Python sketch. Well, here the offense is more direct. Eric Idle’s character “wants to be a woman” and it’s played for laughs with the ultimate conclusion being that he’s detached from reality.

South Park - Similar to Family Guy I’m sure there’s transphobia throughout the series I don’t remember (plus Caitlyn Jenner jokes in recent seasons… yes I still watch for some reason). But the main issue is Mr. Garrison. “He” has gender confirmation surgery and it’s shown very graphically not in cartoon. It’s compared to Kyle wanting to be tall and black and Kyle’s dad wanting to be a dolphin. A lot of attention is given to Garrison’s testicles and ultimately in the show Garrison de-transitions. By the way, he eventually becomes the Trump surrogate and Jenner is the Pence surrogate. So the most anti-LGBTQ administration in decades is represented in the South Park world by two (?) trans people.

The Silence of the Lambs - When the Criterion Blu Ray comes out in a couple months I’m going to rewatch this and finally finish my longer piece on the movie. But we all know this one. Buffalo Bill skins women and dresses in their flesh while tucking her(?) genitals. “Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me” was a commonly repeated phrase thrown around by friends in high school. I think about that scene a lot when I look in the mirror.

Sleepaway Camp - Another in the genre of trans woman killers. The ending of this movie is really horrific. Re-watching it now, I still feel repulsed by Angela. The terrifying music, the slow camera pull back, Angela’s deranged face, the way the shadows make her transgender body look more beast than human. Oh and that she’s just dropped a human head on the ground. Writing up this list I rewatched a lot of terrible shit, but this one really hurts. Maybe because it’s still such an effective horror movie ending. Maybe because it doesn’t even give Angela any agency. It seems to imply she isn’t trans but was given forced surgery/hormones as a child. I guess this should make it better, but it makes it worse, because it implies trans people were just damaged as children. It really makes me want to cry.

Dog Day Afternoon - This is certainly one of the more sympathetic portrayals on this list even if the trans woman is played by a cis man, Chris Sarandon. Al Pacino’s Sonny robs the bank to get money for his lover’s gender confirmation surgery and the scene between them on the phone is rather poignant. Still, “Leon” is not exactly an enviable character and it all ends in tragedy.

Dressed to Kill - This movie is pretty directly a reimagining of Psycho. That movie isn’t on this list because the doctor explicitly says Norman is not a “transvestite” but it’s harmful influence is still clear. This movie does the opposite. The doctor here very clearly explains that Dr. Elliot “wanted to be a woman” and that’s what led her to kill. Lovely.

The 40 Year Old Virgin - Jay hires Andy a sex worker. She turns out to be a trans woman. Andy leaves. He’s upset at Jay. Many transphobic comments and lots of misgendering occurs. It’s a real hoot.

All About My Mother/Bad Education - I love Pedro Almódovar and I appreciate that he has always included trans characters and even cast trans actors sometimes. I don’t take issue with either of these movies. I personally didn’t see myself in them but sex work, HIV, and sexual abuse are all common experiences and totally have a place in stories about trans women. I haven’t seen either of these films since I was in high school and I’d be interested in revisiting them now.

Twin Peaks - David Duchovny plays Denise, a trans woman. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with the character, I suppose. But it also feels like including her is just to add further idiosyncrasy to Lynch’s world. Just like having a character called the One Armed Man is ableist. Lynch is gonna Lynch, but this character played by a cis man is certainly not some great representation like the revival seems to want to paint it as.

Dallas Buyers Club - Jared Leto’s Rayon is both comic relief and tragic masturbation all servicing the story of a cis straight man (in the movie… in real life he was bisexual). She never feels like a real person even as she’s meant to represent so many common experiences. Leto overacts and of course won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor. It’s so exhausting being Oscar bait. But I guess it’s better than being a serial killer.

Maybe this explains why it took me until I was 23.

[tanyaodebra]

You 2.4: “The Good, the Bad, & the Hendy” – A Finished Basement

Before I begin this episode’s recap, I want to give a hat tip to my friend Trina who explained that love and forty are the lowest and highest scores in tennis, respectively. I will never know a sports reference and I’m kind of offended they would sneak one into my program. You was originally slated to be on Lifetime, so our touchstones should be solely comprised of femme shit for an audience of gaydies! But to my original point, Love and Forty’s parents must really be assholes, because naming your kids after tennis is an outrage. They might as well have named them Standard and Poor. Also, whenever anyone is like, “aw, it’s so sweet that your name is Love, your parents must be hippies,” she has to be like, “actually, it means zero in tennis, because my parents are rude yuppies.” Eventually we’ll meet these parents, probably in some sort of vile display of their blood money.

Let’s crack this shit open, starting with the fellatio interruptus. Love is about to pour herself a cup of Joe when Forty calls. Instead of simply chatting real quick then getting back to the best part of waking up, Love decides to multitask. NEVER WOULD I EVER perform a sexual act of any kind while talking on the phone to my brother. Gross. And due to the magic of twindom, Forty clearly knows she’s hooking up with Joe in that very moment even though she’s been keeping their relationship secret. Double your pleasure, double your gross. Post coitus, Love discovers Joe’s telescope, pointing out that her apartment can be seen from it. The big bad wolf simply states the truth; all the better to spy on her with. Seems like she should have pushed the issue, but maybe she’s into being surveilled. Later on, Love delivers her own no-no, albeit not nearly as frightening as Peeping Joe’s – she springs a surprise meal with her friends on him. Forty initiates a brunchus interruptus and flips his shit about Love’s secret boyfriend. Joe decides the only way to keep Love happy is to keep Forty happy, so he pretends to go whole hog on the ménage à twin. Luckily Forty is a simple soul, so he easily accepts Joe’s writing, brunch and beach offerings.

Our teen queen reigns supreme, having discovered the spyware on her phone. But Ellie missteps, though she doesn’t realize it; she blames Delilah instead of Creepy Joe. No problem – Joe keep tabs on Ellie via Henderson’s jacktop instead. With a little help from Will, Joe busts into Hendy’s apartment and locates his trophies, a cigar box filled with Polaroids hidden under a loose tile in the sex dungeon. Then he pulls a classic dude move, which is to believe he knows more about a woman’s profession than she does. He plants Hendy’s photos at Delilah’s doorstep, assuming it’s all she needs to expose Henderson’s pedophilia. Wrong. According to her fuck-buddy cop (Danny Vasquez), the photos have no context, especially since Delilah doesn’t want to out herself as one of Hendy’s survivors. In white-knighting a capable woman, he’s royally fucked up the whole operation. Joe’s sexism led him here. Had he trusted Delilah to do her job herself, perhaps Henderson would have faced the consequences his actions deserved. Instead Hendy got some bullshit vigilante punishment, which is a deeply unsatisfying ending for his victims.

I’m not ashamed to admit when I am wrong, and I was definitely wrong about Henderson’s fate. Creepy Joe does not have the self-awareness to understand how similar he is to Hendy – how he, too, stalks, grooms, drugs, abducts, and takes trophies. Joe believes that because he doesn’t rape, he is somehow better than Henderson. They are both total fucking scum, but one rapes and the other murders. One of these things is way worse than the other, and if you believe rape is worse, you might be a sexist monster. Henderson uses his celebrity to lure Ellie, the teen Joe is stalking, to his rape pad. Joe has already broken into Hendy’s house when Ellie arrives, so he’s able to witness Henderson’s slick technique to manipulate Ellie into practically forcing her way into his place whilst all but guaranteeing she’ll never tell anyone she was ever there. It’s painful to watch Ellie; I never listened to the older women in my life when I was her age even though they were right and I was wrong. She makes every classic mistake: hanging out alone, staying late, and accepting a beverage. She thinks they’re friends. She has never come into contact with such a good liar before. She hasn’t yet learned that no amount of cool, smarts, humor, or good taste will stop a predator. She doesn’t know how charming predators can be. Just like Joe, Hendy is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. A scotch for himself and a juice for the young lady makes Henderson seem like the perfect gentleman – until the GHB comes out. Joe creates a distraction so he can drug Hendy’s scotch, too. Once Ellie and Hendy are out for the count, Joe sets up shop in the sex basement. When Hendy comes to, he’s been blindfolded and tied to a chair. Wearing a Hendy mask, Joe attempts to force a confession from Henderson, but Henderson isn’t a dummy. He tells Joe about having been molested as a kid, and says he can tell Joe went through something similar. He tries again and again to draw parallels between the two of them, but Joe won’t have it. Henderson manages to knock over the chair and escape, but only briefly. As Henderson runs up the stairs, Joe grabs him and flings him back down the stairs, accidentally smashing his head against the cement wall. Hendy is dead.

The clean-up for this little mishap is very messy. A little blood drips out of Joe’s nose, but before he can clean it up, the robotic vacuum is taking a crack at the puddle under Hendy’s head, which mixes their blood together. Joe does his best to mitigate the mixing by mopping the edges to make a smaller blood-pool, and he dashes off with the plasma-soaked robo-vac as well as Hendy’s headphones. Is jay-walking a big deal in LA? As a New Yorker, I definitely wouldn’t have known this and neither did Joe, because he gets nabbed on the way to the dumpster with a trash bag full of evidence. Oh-oh. The cop is Delilah’s fuck-buddy. Joe gets a little reprieve when the cop looks no further than the top of the bag where Hendy’s limited-edition headphones rest. Joe, claiming everything was going to Goodwill anyway, offers them up to the officer, who accepts and cuts Joe loose. Hopefully those headphones will come in handy later.

Back in the secret room of Joe’s own earlier in the episode, Will negotiates his severance package. Will promises to flee to the Philippines, never to speak of any of this again. But how can Joe possibly believe him? Once again, Will attempts to prove his loyalty by assisting Joe – this time by disabling Hendy’s security system. He tries to get Joe to see that killing Henderson is an act of a deeply disturbed person, telling Joe that he’s confident he won’t kill Hendy, because he’s not a bad guy. He’s definitely smarter than I originally gave him credit for, because he plays on Joe’s need to be perceived as being and doing good. And after Joe kills Hendy, he’s pretty desperate to prove to himself and to Will that being a killer does not preclude him from being a good guy. Joe takes Will’s advice and does the one thing that will prove that he’s good – he releases Will. Is Will really going to be so content with freedom that he doesn’t turn Joe in? Sounds like Will has some pretty shady shit in his past, so it’s possible he doesn’t want this kind of heat. Maybe he’ll just slink out of the country in order to avoid the spotlight of a high-profile court case. But what name will he use now? How will he deal with the consequences of identity theft? Maybe Will won’t go gently into that good night after all. We’ll just have to wait and see.

This episode also has a series of dreams and flashbacks about Joe’s childhood. Looks like dad’s a beater and mom’s a cheater. After mom takes a four-hour “date” when she’s supposed to be grocery shopping, Joe winds up on the receiving end of dad’s ire. Mom rewards Joe for keeping her secret, and she promises Joe that one day she’ll kill his father. I’m relieved the audience won’t be able to simply heap all the blame on the mother, and I’m curious to see where this is going.

When I saw Ambyr Childers’ name in the top-of-show credits I knew we were in for a fun time, and luckily I had forgotten all about it by the end. Joe sends Forty to SXSW Pitch in order to extricate him from Love’s time and immediate vicinity. This move backfires when Love hops a plane in order to be Forty’s sober companion. While in Austin, Forty makes a romantic connection and insists that he and Love need to get a third plane ticket to bring this woman back to LA. Is this a ghost I see before me? No. It’s Candace. Or, rather, Amy. So, it looks like Candace is indeed alive and well and not just a figment of Joe’s imagination. I am not totally ruling out a collaboration between Love and Candace, but it’s looking more unlikely now that Forty’s in the crosshairs. I cannot wait to see what this bitch is up to. See You next time!

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Bad Moon Rising (Part 3)

Summary: Jensen and the reader are doing some filming out in the Canadian wilderness when they decide to take a short hike during a break. The only problem is they don’t show up for their scene later that day…

Part 1 Part 2

Pairing: Jensen x reader

Word Count: 4,400ish

Warnings: language

A/N: Hope you enjoy this final part!...

He’d finished talking a few minutes ago. You hadn’t said much, simply interjected a few times along the way to clarify some things. He was patient when you did that, when you tried to rebuttal away whatever words he was saying. You really were an idiot. But you weren’t supposed to call yourself that anymore. He was going to help you be nicer to yourself along with making those fears of needing to stay on the fringes disappear.

“Do we pinky promise or what?” you finally asked, turning your body around. You felt him move behind you, his face soft, barely any worry there. “I want you to believe me too.”

The hand he had kept around yours the entire time, however long that was, gave your own a gentle squeeze. 

“Now that everyone is understanding of this whole thing...” he said with a soft smile. “There is that other elephant in the room.”

“Elephant in the forest, you mean,” you said, smiling when he rolled his eyes. “Couldn’t help myself.”

“The elephant in the forest you little...let’s get out of here first and then we can figure out the if you want to try the dating thing,” he said. You shook your head and saw his face fall. “You don’t want to try dating?”

“I don’t want to wait to start doing it. No more pushing things down and not telling anyone, right?” you asked him. “Well, you know because of a certain loose lips Padalecki that I had some shoved down about you. You’ve been trying to coax it out of me the past week. You’re obliviously ready for it. What difference does it make?”

“I’m concerned it’s too much at once for you I guess,” he said. You laughed and raised an eyebrow. 

“Seriously? I feel good, Jay. Forget the bumps and bruises and thirsty, hungry, lost as shit stuff. This cloud that’s always been hanging over my head is gone. I’m going to have to get the hang of this in terms of everyone else but as far as you go, it’s gone. Don’t make me wait any longer,” you said. 

“Alright. You let me know though if things are too fast or you want to slow it down or whatever, promise?” he asked. You gave his hand a squeeze of your own and nodded. “I need to get more firewood.”

“Thanks for taking care of me,” you said, getting a ruffle on the top of your head as he stood.

“We’d still be freezing our asses off it weren’t for you. Partners right?” he asked. 

“Partners.”

You were both hungry, grumbling stomachs filling the air. You hadn’t eaten in over a day at this point. The food thing you could handle. People could go awhile without food. 

Water though, you really needed that. Neither one of you had tasted a sip of it since the night before. You knew you had more time before it became a really big problem but every swallow was a constant reminder that you were dehydrated and every moment you didn’t have it only made things worse.

“Can you climb a tree?” Jensen asked beside you. You looked him over as he stared at a tall pine not too far off. “You’re lighter than me. Less chance of branches breaking.”

“If you gave me a boost I could probably do it,” you said. How much different could it be than monkey bars on the playground? “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking we need something to drink and soon. We got to find the river again,” he said. Oh. You were going to have to climb up high if you wanted a chance at looking over the tree line. Your concern must have been written all over your face because he was quickly shaking his head. “It’s too dangerous, forget about it.”

“I’ll do it,” you said, standing up. “If I fall, try to catch me?”

“Please don’t fall,” he said, getting to his feet reluctantly. You walked over to the base of the tree, Jensen shaking his head again. “I’ll do it. It’s-”

“You said it yourself. I’m lighter and smaller. I can get around better once I get to the top where it thins out,” you said. He was hesitant to help you up to where there were branches to get a hold of and you sighed. “I’m a badass remember?”

“Please don’t hurt yourself. Come down if you get scared or it’s too high,” he said.

“You got it boss. Come on,” you said. He stood with his back up against the tree, cupping his hands together in front of him. You had to do a scene once where your character had to climb up and over something with Dean’s help. Only you weren’t actually digging into Jensen’s shoulders with your feet when you had to do that. 

You did your best not to hurt him as you got your second foot up on his shoulder, resting your hands against the bark of the tree. He didn’t speak as he put his hands under your heels and pushed upwards, giving you more height as he let out a huff.

“Shit you’re strong,” you said, reaching out for a branch when it came into grabbing distance. You could only get one hand on it though before you had to try and pull yourself up, Jensen moving away as you saw the ground already more than ten feet below.

You flew your other hand up and pulled, trying to get your body up and over. Your hands were sticky fast and pine needles scratched everything but somehow you pushed off the tree with your foot and swung a leg up and over. You twisted your body until it was on top of the branch, your back leaning up against the solid tree as you shook out your arms.

“I think you’re the strong one,” he said with a smile below. You got your breath back and looked up, trying to find the best path upwards. The branch you were on was sturdy and strong, one that could easily hold both you and Jensen together. Farther up you knew it’d get more treacherous. “If you can get your way over here I think you can zig zag up.”

You scooted over a few branches on your bottom until you were over him.

“Yeah,” you said looking up. “This looks better.”

“Be careful,” he said as you started to move. You never actually climbed a tree as a kid but you played on swing sets and most of it transferred over. Jensen kept telling you to take breaks so you didn’t tire yourself out. You listened for the most part until he told you to stop all together. “See anything yet?”

“A bunch of leaves,” you shouted back, moving to go higher.

“You’re already too high. Come back, we’ll figure out something else,” he said. 

“There’s more branches, I’m going to keep going,” you said, pushing on as you heard him shout below. “Relax, I’m not going to do anything stupid.”

Actually, this was pretty stupid. You no longer felt safe and secure branches under you. Now it was constant shakes and creaks that made your heart race.

Finally when you were up so high you thought the top part of the tree would snap off, you could see over the tops of the ones below. At first all you saw was more trees which terrified you. You spun around carefully, checking out the other side when you saw a small break in them. 

“That way!” you shouted down.

“Very helpful Columbus. Could you be more specific?” he yelled back. 

“How’s this for specific?” you said, reaching into your pocket and pulling out a rock you’d shoved in there for this exact purpose and tossing it in the direction of the river. “Watch your head!”

“That way?” you heard him yell back a moment later. 

“No, the other way Sherlock. Yes that way!” you yelled back, hearing a laugh reach it’s way up to you.

“Okay but get your butt back down here now. That tree is shaking way too much,” he said. You were already going down, trying to use the same foot and handholds as on the way up. Until you stepped on one and it snapped, sending you barreling down. 

You tried to catch something on the way down, the hits only slowing your fall so much. Then there were no more branches to separate you from a twenty foot drop straight down to hard ground below. You tucked up into a ball, just in time to hit something soft with a lot of force.

You felt the groan escape him as you rolled off and onto the ground. Jensen was on his back, grimacing as you had a similar expression on your own face.

“You alright?” you asked him, knowing all that weight hitting him that fast had to hurt.

“You’re never climbing a tree ever again,” he said, forcing himself to sit upright. “I’m alright. You?”

“Yeah. Next time, you climb the tree,” you said, trying to wipe away the sap and needles stuck to you and in you on your jeans. You winced when they wouldn’t fall away. Jensen slid over to help pluck them off as you saw he only had one shoe on. “Thanks for catching me.”

“I marked which way to go,” he said, holding up your palm, noticing the little cuts in them. “You can’t stand splinters.”

“You remember that?” you asked.

“You got one on one of the early episodes. Bitched about it the whole damn time until you finally got the medic to pull it out for you. I got you a box of kitty band aids for the next time it happened,” he said, making you smile.

“I still have those,” you said, spotting the dark spots in your skin you wouldn’t be able to get out, not without something better than a pair of fingers. “It was worth it.”

“No more risky stuff, agreed?” he asked. You shrugged, hoping there wouldn’t have to be one. Once your hands were cleaned up as good as they were going to get, you walked around until you found his shoe. “What about the fire?”

“We’ll make another one if it comes to it,” you said.

You took off in the direction you thought was the river. But as you went longer and longer without spotting it, you wondered if you’d been horribly wrong somehow.

“It-it should be this way,” you said. You were panicking some, hoping using up valuable energy like that hadn’t been for nothing.

“Hey, calm down. I’m sure we’ll find it,” he said, putting a hand around your shoulders. You let him relax you as you walked. “Better now?”

“I know I saw a break in the trees,” you said. 

“I believe you. We ran pretty far last night. It’ll take longer on foot,” he said. You nodded and kept going, watching the sky darken. He didn’t have a hood and you really hoped it wouldn’t pour down on him. “Trees are thinning out up there. Maybe that’s it.”

You both picked up your pace some as you got closer. Until his arm around your shoulders jutted out in front of you, stopping you in place.

“Sh,” he said.

“Wha-” you got out before he threw his hand over your mouth. You tilted your head up to throw him a look but paused when you heard a pack of snarls again. He shook his head, the both of you backing out of there slowly and trying to walk farther down where the river should have been. Eventually the noises stopped and he pulled his hand away, keeping you close though.

You didn’t speak, only slightly nudging one another in the direction you wanted to go, over branches and then back towards the river. You saw the trees thin again as you approached, spotting fast moving rapids beyond it. Fresh water was right there but there was a big danger in leaning down to try and drink from it.

“One at a time,” he said, holding your hand tight. “If you slip I’ll get you.”

You leaned down, trying not to drown yourself as you pressed your lips to the cold water. Oh God that was amazing. You drank your fill before sitting back, letting him have a go.

He was on his way back up when you saw his boot slip in the mud along the river’s edge, sending his weight forward. You yanked back hard and dug your hand into the waist band of his jeans, pulling him so he fell back on you instead of forward.

“Heavy,” you breathed out, feeling a little crushed under his weight. He rolled off and pulled you back a few feet, giving you both some necessary space from the water.

“Thanks,” he said, a shake to his voice. 

“What are friends for,” you said, twisting your arm around his, lacing your hands together. You sat for a while, knowing now you had a slightly safer source of water. There was still the issue of being on the wrong side of the river to deal with.

“You still want to come down to Austin this weekend?” he asked. 

“Maybe we better make it next. Flights are probably all booked up ya know,” you said, offering a smile.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be making my 11 flight tonight,” he said. “We can hang out up here. Nice little relaxing weekend together.”

“Maybe go camping,” you joked.

“Build a fire,” he said, half-laughing along the way.

“Really rough it, ya know?” you said, looking down at yourselves. You weren’t sure there was a spot on you that wasn’t absolutely filthy.

“Austin next weekend for sure,” he said. You hummed and giggled to yourself. “What are you thinking giggly girl?”

“Were you trying to pull a Dean Winchester with inviting me to stay for the summer?” you asked. “You know, asking the girl you like to stay with you in the hope that you’ll get together?”

“I had no alternate motive when I asked you that. I asked you that before I found out you realize,” he said. 

“And after you found out? You know, yesterday when you asked again?” you asked, catching him bite his bottom lip.

“Shut up,” he said, bumping his arm into yours.

“I’m sure it would have worked. You can be very convincing when you want to be,” you said. 

“Hey, I got you, not exactly the way I planned to get us there but I think I made out okay,” he said. You bumped him back, earning a tickle on your ribs for just a second as he realized you were too close to the water for that.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” he asked. 

“That I’m starving and want to curl up in a blanket on something soft with you?” you asked.

“Yes that but...there might be a way across,” he said, holding out his free hand. “See that?”

“Hi, can I introduce you to Jensen from two hours ago who said we aren’t doing risky shit anymore?” you said, raising an eyebrow.

“The water is fast enough where the animals aren’t going to bother you. You can get it on your own if you’re careful. You can make a fire. You can stay on your own and I’ll go-”

“No way in Hell am I letting you go do that,” you said. “I’m not going to sit here and watch you drown.”

“If I can get across, I’ll find the service road we took in. It ran parallel to the river. I can find it and get you help,” he said. “Trust me, leaving you here alone is the last thing I want but-”

“We’ll both go. We’re sticking together,” you said. He really didn’t like that. You already could tell how bad he felt about the tree thing and the idea of leaving you by yourself wasn’t exactly his first choice. He wanted you to be safe which you completely understood. You fully expected to have to argue this.

“Fine,” he said, watching the shock spread across your face. “I don’t have a right to try and protect you and not expect you to try and do it back. Plus I’d never hear the end of it.” 

“Smart boy,” you said. “I’m glad you’re not some overprotective boyfriend and are still my best friend.”

“I never stopped being that. Only difference is now I can show you how much I have the hots for you once I find my way to some mouth wash,” he said, pulling you to your feet.

“I so knew that comment about me in my underwear didn’t come out of nowhere,” you said, following him over to the spot you both didn’t want to have to go.

“Bet you look even better out of them,” he said with a wink. 

“Behave. We’re about to probably die,” you said. 

“Better do this then,” he said. You were already leaning up, feeling him press a quick kiss to your lips. “Now I can die happy.”

“You die I’m going to murder you,” you said, eyes scanning the boulders jutting out in the river before you.

“I’ll do my best not to then,” he said, the teasing falling away. “I’ll go first.”

He let go of your hand and took a step up onto a rock and then another, slowly making his way off the river edge and starting to cross it. He stepped up to a big one, crouching on top it.

“It’s going to be slippery so be careful,” he said. You nodded and started going up yourself, the rocks here not so scary seeming as the ones in the middle you were dreading. “Okay?”

“Yeah, keep going,” you said once you got right up behind him. He took a big breath just in case and had to make a small jump, landing on a boulder on it’s own. There was another one he had to jump for again, this one smaller. He waved you to keep following and you took a breath yourself, jumping and hitting the rock on it’s own hard. This one was a lot wetter and you were surrounded by water now.

Jensen made another jump, making room for you to get up to the next one. It went slow and hard, slamming into them as you made your way about two thirds across. He took another leap and watched as his boot slipped and he fell back into the water. 

You hopped forward to the rock he’d just been on and leaned down, grabbing his arm and hanging on tight. He managed to pull himself up with your help, both barely fitting on the rock as you stood up.

“Anyone ever tell you how good at saving my ass you are?” he said, catching his breath back, harder now that he was wet and cold.

“Make me some of that Ackles family sweet potato pie and we’re even,” you said. 

“Alright, I’m making some pies on Sunday then,” he said, turning his body around. He jumped again, making it this time. There was only one more close call before he was safely on land again. “One more Y/N.”

This was the hard one and you both knew it. It was far for him and worse for you. There was no room to get a running start so you went for it, managing to get on and slide right off. You felt your head go under and be ripped back up by something rough grabbing your jacket collar. You shot your hands up and wrapped them around an arm that pulled you out of the water and onto the bank.

“How about you help with the pies?” he asked as you coughed into his chest. 

“S’good,” you got out, the chill of the water as freezing as ever. 

“I gotcha ya. Let’s warm up,” he said, getting you to your feet. You started to jog up the small hill, this one not as steep as the one you fell down, Jensen right on your tail. When you got to the top you were still wet but you felt a tiny bit warmer.

“Road,” you said, standing in one of two dirt trails. That got both your interest back as you headed right, jogging down the trail for a half mile or so before your aching body told you to stop. You walked in silence, trying your best to wring the water from your clothes, trying not to get too excited. You were glad for that when you realized the sun was going down, that you’d be spending another night out here.

“Hey, little Miss Bear Grylls, want to try and make us a fire?” asked Jensen. You slowed your pace, hoping you’d be able to make it happen twice.

“Only if-” you started, about to make some crack about him finding a worm for dinner. But there was a lot of commotion, someone speaking from a loudspeaker.

You both looked at each other before jogging down the road again. The road went up to a hill before dropping out below. When you got to the top you saw...well you saw what looked like a shit ton of people.

“Pick it back up at eight in the morning alright everyone?” whoever was speaking said.

“Don’t think you’ll need to!” shouted Jensen, unable to help himself as every head snapped in your direction. The two of you jogged down the rest of the road, slowing when you finally got there, everyone looking like they’d just seen a ghost.

“Anyone have any water? Or food?” you asked, instantly causing everyone to snap out of their haze and start helping you over to the back of a car. 

“Ahh,” you both said, the heat from the vents making you smile. A bottle of water was placed in your hand, something warm tossed over you, an uneaten sandwich being handed over by another.

“This is great but-” said Jensen.

“Get your seat belts on. We’re taking you two to the hospital,” said Jared as he slid into the front seat of the car.

“Jare Bear, have we got a surprise for you.”

The next morning they’d released you and thankfully gotten all your splinters out. You were told to rest and there was nothing more that you wanted than to pass out in bed all day, which you did.

Only it wasn’t your bed you passed out in. It was easier to keep an eye on both of you if you were in the same apartment and Jensen had a bigger bed so that’s how you ended up asleep in it for the rest of the day, waking up only to have one of your friends watching you make sure you ate and drank.

By Sunday morning though you were feeling better and your caretakers were wondering exactly what happened out there that got you together.

“Gen, you broke the first rule of girls nights,” you said, nodding to Jensen as she slid a plate of pancakes in front of you after checking up on the kids having nap time.

“I would never! I will take those things with me to the grave,” she said. Jared rolled his eyes as Jensen bit down a laugh.

“Maybe you wouldn’t but tipsy Gen told him things I wasn’t ready to tell him,” you said.

“We got to figure out what the hell happens during girls night is what I’m learning,” said Jared. You shook your head. “Hey, you guys are finally together so I guess I can’t be any happier than that.”

“Y/N can make a fire,” said Jensen, a proud smile on his face. “She’s more amazing than we realized.”

“It wasn’t a big deal,” you said, shifting your foot under the table to play with his beside you.

“I’m pretty much alive because of her,” said Jensen. You cocked your head and were about to protest when he leaned forward and kissed you. 

“He did stuff too,” you said, a little breathless, a little hazy when he pulled away.

“We can tell,” said Gen and Jared in unison, setting the last of the plates down for themselves.

“I don’t understand,” you said, looking at Jensen. He smiled, seeing something you didn’t.

“You’re different. Good different. The old you would have ripped our heads off at trying to help you,” said Jared. “I think maybe you realize...”

“You dorks love me and I love you. Are we done with the sappy stuff now?” you asked.

“You still do smell a bit like a pine tree,” said Jensen, giving you a grin.

“Aw, she loves us,” said Jared. 

“You guys can’t be this sappy or I won’t survive Austin for three months,” you said. You saw the surprised smiles on their faces and rolled your eyes. “Just give me a hug so I can eat my pancakes.”

“I call first dibs,” said Jensen, pulling you in tight, soon follower by two more paris of arms.

“Crushing me,” you squeaked out. They retreated back but you didn’t feel any less happy. “So, you said they re-wrote the scene we missed on the spot?”

“Yeah, we’re still on schedule somehow. You two have a kissing scene on Wednesday if I’m not mistaken,” said Jared.

“Only a few days to get in a whole lot of practice,” said Jensen, giving you a wink.

“It’s Sunday. You promised me a pie mister,” you said.

“Maybe one of our babysitters will go pick up the ingredients for us?” asked Jensen.

“He wants to make her a pie,” said Gen, before turning and smacking Jared on the arm. “Why don’t you offer to make pie?”

“I made you breakfast in bed last week! Go get lost in the woods and I’ll make you a pie too,” said Jared, relaxing when he saw her cracking up that he believed that. “You little...you owe me a pie now.”

“Why don’t we make it pie day?” you asked. “We can run down the hall and use my oven too.”

“Huh. Good thing Dean Winchester isn’t real or he’d steal her right out from under you bud,” said Jared.

“No, no. He wouldn’t stand a chance against me, not when it comes to Y/N,” said Jensen.

“None at all.”

@redeyedvixen @deansgirl215 @applepienjackdaniels @emilysimagenation@fandom-addict-aesthetics@iamabeautifulperson18 @lostsoldieronahill @charliebradbury1104@everyday-supernatural-af @squirels-angels-and-moose@youwerelikeadream @drugpug @darkx143@kristaparadowski@tom-is-in-my-tardis  @tanithlowisabamf@smoothdogsgirl@dancingalone21 @ktrivia @demonic-meatball@feelmyroarrrr@cojootromuelle @gallifreyansass @fangirl1802@itstheprincess@casgetoutofmydiddlydarnass @mogaruke@secretlyfurrydragon@ria132love @heycassbutt-67@aingealcethlenn@docharleythegeekqueen 

@missmotherhen@smacklesandstretch67 @tumblinwith-me@awkwardcupcake95 @heaven-is-aplaceonearthwithyou @hey-um-misha @imissyoualittlemoreeveryday @lovelife-tothefullest@under-general-asthetics @tardis-full-of-fallen-angels@missdestiel67@evyiione @jensenackesl @xxxdevine-demonsxxx@ayeeitsemry@mac5323 @bellastellaluna  @atc74@captainemwinchester@lemonadegazeelle  @nanie5  @idalinette@quiddy-writes  @sassyspn67 @arryn-nyxx @pureawesomeness001  @poukothenerd  @mickey-m399@perpetualabsurdity @af112992 @alexastacio 

[hysterical-and-uselesss]

There’s something I’ve been mulling over about Kingdom final episodes’ events and I need to get it out of my system, so what better place than tumblr. Spoilers ahead for anyone who hasn’t watched episodes 9 and 10.

The series finale was gut-wrenching. Plus, I obviously still hadn’t recovered from the scene in ep 9 that no one saw coming. Saying it was unexpected is an understatement. But what really got me about Nate’s death is that it all happened in like two minutes. If that. The situation escalated so quickly.

What I love about this show is that it’s raw, it’s real and it doesn’t sugarcoat anything. That’s how shit happens in real life most of the times: we do one little thing, we say one little word, without thinking for one second that the consequences could be huge. And I guess that got me thinking of a bunch of what ifs.

My first thought, as I think most viewers’, was: damn you, Alvey, of all the things you could say you had to go with that!! If he had been less aggressive, if he had chosen his words more wisely instead of saying the first that came to his mind, things could have gone a lot differently. But to be honest I expected it, it was a typical Alvey reaction. And if I expected it, Nate did as well. As much as he might have hoped that his father would simply accept him, I’m sure he had to be prepared for Alvey jumping at his throat. So again, if Nate had been less aggressive himself and hadn’t started hitting him, things could have unfolded differently (I just want to say that in no way am I blaming Nate for his own death, neither am I saying that he should have let Alvey insult him, he had EVERY right to be furious, I’m just thinking about little details that could have lead to a different course of events). Another one: what if Jay had been quicker to react? If he had gone after Nate just five seconds earlier and had managed to grab him, would have Nate and Alvey still started fighting? And the last and arguably most important one: the bouncer. He sees two men fighting, one physically attacking the other, and of course his instinct and duty is to separate them. But then Nate, who’s raging -  and who we’ve known since s1 is the calmest one indeed but he can snap - starts hitting him, too. The bouncer fears for his own safety, and honestly as much as I’d want to blame him I can only to a certain extent, and pulls the trigger. What if he had hesitated and fired the shot just one moment later? Nate’s body would have been in a slightly different position so the bullet would have reached a different place. A matter of mere millimeters. Would have it touched anything vital? Or maybe if the bouncer had hesitated, Nate would have hit him again and he wouldn’t have gotten the chance to shoot in the first place. Then Jay and Alvey would have taken Nate away from him, police would have been called, but no dead bodies. Maybe.

That’s the thing that breaks me about Nate’s death: something similar could happen any moment in real life. And it does. Because everything both depends on our actions and is out of our control at the same time. And when something bad happens, all we can think about sometimes is whether a different course of action could have prevented it. And the answer is probably yes, but honestly, we can’t be 100% certain. But more importantly, even if the answer were yes, it still wouldn’t change anything. What ifs don’t get us anywhere, they can only drive us mad. All we can do is accept reality and try to cope with it. And ain’t that a bitch.