#then i remember who would wnt anything from me anyway ^^;;

[cubffections]

wiping my paws and heading back to bed (*ˊ˘ˋ*) will see you all in a few ♥︎

[yourbleedingh3art]

I be sad as fuck over shit that’s out my control. I can’t force anybody 2 miss me, or love me, or wnt me around. I never will b able 2! I can’t control other people’s emotions, just my own actions. If my own actions lead to people wanting space from me, they’re allowed to take tht space from me and I can have lots of personal feelings about it but at the end of the day, it’s out of my hands. Im grateful for the present moment. It’s easy to remember that people DO care about me, I’m not alone, I’m surrounded by friendly faces.

My ex acts like having me out of his life makes him a way happier person. I’ve been struggling to cope w tht. I miss him, and our breakup makes me sad. He was my first real boyfriend, my first love, the person I lost my virginity to, and someone I expected to stay in my life for eternity. We dated for over a year and knew each other even longer. It’s hard to adjust to life without him. I miss when we could talk, honestly. Our relationship honestly became toxic. I feel that both of us contributed to this dynamic. I think he felt extremely mistreated by me. He doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me. I’ve definitely extended olive branches and apologies but they seem to fall on deaf ears. It makes me sick to my stomach, and a little panicked. I was THAT bad? We loved each other so much, I know this, but I didn’t realize how DEEPLY tht meant the hurt ran on his end. From what I can tell from his social media, which of course I caved and checked, he’s really happy we broke up. He might even be flirting with someone new. I thought he was IN LOVE with me…. And I thought being in love meant your heart would be stuck on someone for a long, long time.

I don’t really know anything about love. Or life. I don’t really know whats gonna happen yet. I don’t know what’s in his head or what his actions will be. And the point is, unknowable factors cannot be factors that continue to impact my life. I’m sad we broke up. I’m ashamed of myself, I’m embarrassed of who I was in that relationship, sad he saw my ugliest side and it was so ugly he can’t even look at me anymore. It’s ok to have these feelings. It’s ok to feel them. It’s ok to momentarily distract myself from them, and come back to them later (DBT Therapy Skill🍽.) It’s ok to be sad! It’s ok to be sad that the world is confusing, other people’s actions are confusing, we love people who don’t love us back, we hurt the people we love. It’s ok to be sad about all those things. Nd it’s ok, and important, to keep on living life anyway. Life is beautiful and that’s the damn truth. I am made of the same dust as stars and trees. I am a part of the earth and I am happy. I have endless opportunities and unquenchable curiosities. I have a lot of bravery. I’ve faced a lot of scary things before and still come out a Champion!

So I might miss him. I might feel sad about him. He might move on to another person, and I can’t do anything about that at all. I might feel jealous of him. But I can’t run from that. It happens. Life comes in waves. Sometimes I’ll feel low. But I won’t always* feel low. Nd the highs I can feel are pretty amazing. The possibilities for my own future are pretty amazing. I hve a brilliant mind… I have a spark… my light ain’t going underneath a bushel! The only one tht can dim my glow is me…. Nd instead, imma turn the dial and bust tht glow up to full power. Fr.

Everytime I think I got this sadness shit beat it sneaks around to bitchslap me. And I feel defeated by tht, till I remember, I’m not powerless. I’ll never be powerless.. it’s my OWN damn life. I’m da one driving the ship here. I can choose where to go. And Where I’ll go from here….. a better place!!!

[baka-monarch]

"then perish" Virgil to Remus?

(This takes place in my Vergilius au, it's not going to be part of the main storyline-probably-but here's a link to part one of you're interested in the other parts of this au)

TRIGGER WARNING: FEAR PLAY, DEATH, UNSYMPATHETIC SIDES, TRAMA, NIGHTMARES

Whenever Thomas went to sleep it was Anxiety who held Remus back, well, more like he succumbed to Remus' torture. No one knew that Anxiety did this, just that he never got any sleep as he made sure that Thomas didn't get nightmares by letting Remus do whatever he wanted to to him. Weather it was dismemberment, canabiliam, getting crushed by a giant shoe, stabbed, burned, digested by acid, anything, Virgil would let him if it meant that no one else had to. He deserved it really, all the pain, for everything he did as Vergilius. Yeah, he couldn't remember any of it and everyone said he was a different person but... what if they were wrong? What if he was just like his early carnation of Paranoia, what if he... hurt them?

He couldn't live with himself if he did. He just couldn't... so he let himself get tortured by Remus instead. It's not he could die anyways...

One night however, he didn't sink out to the imagination. Instead he had passed out in his room from lack of sleep, he'd assumed it'd be fine and that he would wake up before Thomas fell asleep. Instead, he woke up in a nightmare...

When Anxiety started feeling conscious he opened his eyes surprized to find himself in the imagination. He didn't remember sinking out, and what was even weirder he was giant sized.

It wasn't until he heard Remus whisper, "Anxiety..?" that he realized that he wasn't in control of his own body. He started to panic remembering the week before his existence and how he had to watch Paranoia... Paranoia...

"Hmph." Anxiety's voice came out in an unimpressed noise. "Remus, how very kind of you to let the tables turn." He purred out as Anxiety felt disgusted by his own strange actions.

"Anx, I-I didn't do this!" Remus smiled up at him.

"Oh I know that you didn't." He shrugged. "That doesn't mean that we can't still have fun though." Anxiety watched in horror as his own hands reached down and plucked a struggling and screaming Remus off the ground. "You're not Roman, but I guess the lesser twin will have to do." Remus winced with tears coming to his eyes, and Anxiety would have done the same if he was in control.

"I-I'm just as good as Roman though!" Remus wiggled as he pleaded for praise.

"Oh, sure, keep telling your self that. Whatever helps you sleep at night you disgraceful, vile, insignificantly insufferable villain." His voice snapped causing Remus to stop his struggling as he went limp, staring up into his eyes sadly.

Stop! Anxiety pleaded internally. Please! You're hurting him! It was no use however, as Anxiety couldn't say anything without his body. A low chuckle resonated throughout his mind as a voice spoke to him through his mind.

He hurt us, why don't we repay the favor? Anxiety, recognized them, of course he did, they were the one who gave Roman years of trauma. Vergilius. Was he really still this person inside?

"Now now Remus, there's no need to look so emotional. I mean, you felt nothing as you were hurting me." His voice sneered.

"But-but that was only for jokes Anx, it-it was nothing personal." Remus begged, something Anxiety had never seen him do before. It felt wrong.

"Well then Remus, don't take this personally." He watched horrified as his hand lifted Remus' infintesimal body above his head as he felt his mouth open and his tongue loll out.

"Wait! Please! Anxiety I never wnt this far! Please, I'll do anything!" Remus cried a waterfall as he begged.

"Anything?" His voice asked, to witch Remus nodded vigorously. "Then perish." Remus' eyes widened in fear as his hand let go and Remus fell towards his mouth.

"NO!!!!!" Anxiety screamed as he woke up falling out of his bed. It had been a nightmare, it was only a nightmare! Anxiety nervously giggled to himself in releif, not knowing how to react. He smiled to himself, knowing now that everyone was safe.

VERGILIUS TAG LIST: @theluna-womoon

Until he heard a familiar dark chuckle to his left. When he turned to his mirror on that side, in his reflection he saw a familiar orange side.

(I don't know if I should put the tag list in for this one, but I'm going to just in case.

VERGILUIS TAG LIST: @theluna-womoon

@celine-floresia

@youmatterbitchloveyourself )

[strvwberryblcnde]

👫 viktor lana :D

send a 👫 and I’ll write four headcanons i have about our muses’ relationship.

he he he he (me doing an evil little laugh tht daunts n unnerves everyone around me)..... i knew u would send this i already thought of this hc in advance when i rb’d the post. ahem. i will begin. tht time they went motel hopping n wreaking havoc bc they were both suspended from radcliffe i imagine one night a motel they got to was booked full n they’d got there rly late so they were jst like fk it let’s sleep in the car. viktor’s hearse. n if he happened to have fallen asleep first i feel like she wld have been like huh.............. he lks weirdly peaceful when he sleeps almost like he doesn’t wna bite the whole world into tiny little pieces fr once. she’d feel like she ws sighting a rare exotic bird in the wild like it ws some special privilege i think she’d smile to herself abt it like a loser. n lana is literally so physically affectionate she’s like a gross over excitable puppy so i cn imagine her wriggling up to him n carefully as possible plopping his arm over her as he slept. inspired by this image bt rly just.... in any form she’d tuck herself up w him n sleep tht way w the aim of somehow waking up first n moving before he realised she’d done it. idk if tht would have happened i wnt lie lana sleeps rly soundly when she’s cosy w ppl she likes so <3 mayb he ws disgusted by this when he woke up n saw it bt it’s ok <3 lana wld laugh it off n not care

i think i might hv mentioned this as a hc very briefly in a reply before bt???? i jst thought of it again now. i hv this idea in my head of a game lana wld play with viktor where she’d draw in biro on her thigh a grid fr noughts and crosses except she usually does like. stars and hearts or just a way more Lana version..... i cn imagine her making him play this w her when they were like. jst sat out on the beach in provincetown or in bed after 👀 except i think she wld let him choose what he drew for his turns. smthn to represent him. mayb she’d suggest a ram’s head like black phillip fr his sexy chaotic satanic goat aura n he’d be like ya sure i’ll draw a whole fking detailed ram’s head in this tiny square lana n she’d be like ugh ur talent ur mind jst ignoring the sarcasm n loving it instead. in a similar ball park i feel like she wld doodle things on his tattoos like a penis on his marble statue-esque one (if tht is actually canon i cnt remember if u said it was i won’t lie) n jst things like tht. rly all of these things r just an excuse to touch him n vice versa bt. the noughts n crosses game in particular is one she made up just fr him.

fr his bday i feel like lana wld give him a homemade coupon tht entitles him to an elaborately staged rouse where they entrap some loser man w a fake relationship / spat / whtever which involves her seducing him n viktor finding them n freaking out. like they hv before bt. maybe this one wld even involve sfx blood it wld be extreme n dramatic n scandalous. mayb lana wld at one point put in fake vampire teeth. it wld be ridiculous the guy wld be like what the fuck who are u people. he wld maybe get genuinely injured it wld be a lot. sometimes lana can b a bit immoral fr the drama of it all i feel like viktor brings out her most rogue side n honestly tht is sexy. bt anyway in addition to this she wld ask judes help n get him to do a drawing/piece of tatiana. she wld be nervous abt giving this to viktor bc obviously he doesn’t like talking abt / confronting vulnerable topics so i feel like she’d jst slip it into an envelope n leave it in his room as a silent gift from her n not be there to see his reaction or anything. i think she might not even sign her name she’d jst kiss a lipstick print onto the envelope n know he’d recognise who it was by the colour bc of tht time he said he’d know it anywhere. sighs n lks away...

ok so. fr the night where lana stole trent’s car keys n walked up to viktor at tht party n was basically like “hey wna steal a car w me :)” in not so many words.... this is hw i envision the night panning out. they went speeding. lana at various points was dangling way too much out of the window n holding her hands out bc she loves feeling the wind on her fingers when ppl drive fast. hair jst blasting everywhere truly no concern fr safety. viktor probably literally hd to haul her bk into the car by her ass at numerous points bc she almost flew out n died. she’d ask him to find an empty lot where they cld spin n skid around the place n keep being like AGAIN AGAIN CAN WE GO AGAIN like a giddy child requesting another go on the swings. after all tht fun i feel like she wld hv been like lets drive out somewhere quiet n they’d end up like. at some kind of lake in the woods. mayb they get out there idk bt after all the thrill/novelty wore off a bit i feel like trent’s car wld mke lana sad bc she has bad memories associated with it / him in general n she’d jst impulsively hit the bonnet n try to snap the windscreen wipers n struggle doing it bc she doesn’t hv the arm strength so she’d jst be like ERGH!!!!!!!!!! n try to kick the car after giving up n it wld be rly hard n hurt her foot n she’d b swearing like FK this car it’s so UGLY......... jst the worst tantrum bc her heart’s never Rly in it when she’s angry it’s always just very clear she’s sad n trying to make tht sadness seem braver. mayb his way of calming her dwn in this situation wld b like. let’s sink the fker <3 n lana is silent fr a bit before being like. sniffs. ok :) bt she’ll only do it if they’re in the car n drive it into the lake bc she wants to see all of trent’s shitty cds get wet n ruined frm the inside. anyway. it happens. they hv to climb out of the lake sopping wet n walk bk all tht way. is it cold? idk. this ws all a hideous idea bt that’s on brand. i won’t lie she’d maybe silently hold his hand on the walk bk fr a little while n if he commented on it be like ummmm if we don’t work together to preserve body heat we Lit Rally might get hypothermia viktor don’t b a BABY abt it i’m saving ur life if anything u shd thank me i dnt even wna hold ur big sexy hand i’m jst playing paramedic... bt in reality who r we kidding. she’d jst wna hold his hand. she’s sick <3

[thatfilthyanimal]

Also hi I haven’t been very social hmm

I’m not gunna lie, my concept of time has been very warped. I’m acutely aware that dad died as of two years ago but time itself has been an utter blur in a fog of depression that I think has finally lifted, maybe. Just the other day we went to cut our hair and when asked when I was there last, my guess was maybe 6 months ago? A year maybe?

It had been over two years.

And if you asked me what I’ve been doing in this time, the honest answer is I DON’T KNOW. I don’t. A lot of brain fog, which is fucking terrifying honestly. I can’t really tell you what I’ve been up to because I don’t actually remember.

At some point I reactivated WoW and got my hunter from 45 or so to 110. I boosted Monoxide and remembered I hate playing priest.

I’ve been doing what I like to call “playing in resin” which is basically taking the two-part epoxy resin and throwing colors in it and pouring into molds. With varying results. It’s oddly calming and theraputic. Not a cheap craft sadly, and I need to start trying to sell stuff. :x I’d be 100% open to ideas from ya’ll on what you’d like to see made.

I got the flu twice last year, once around my birthday and once around christmas. Got sick again a few weeks ago. I’m okay now, but taking antibiotics for my stupid face that can’t figure out how to not get sinus infections.

I guess my brain’s response to death of an abusive but also damaged parent is to shut down, and turn off the ability to remember for the most part, and to fall into a depressive slump where I don’t reach out to anybody because I don’t wnt to be a bother.

Also kind of sad tbh, at the people who didn’t reach out for two years I guess. People I thought were friends who don’t seem to be anymore. That’s been very sad. The borderline part of my brain has been very loud and toxic and I’m left very bitter, but fighting it. I love my friends, but I don’t feel their love back outside of a select few. I need new friends. I need more friends. I’m trying not to throw people away but I’m tired of fighting. I won. Two years, I won. But I’m still sad.

Anyway, expect to see me actually talking here again.

You may of caught that we got a puppy, Minion! She’s a black-headed tri-colored corgi. She’s almost a year old now, and has been a pain in the ass. I truly don’t recommend getting a puppy. I doubt I ever will again. I got my dream pupper, but I’m totally going back to rescues in the future. She tests our patience every day but she’s a good pup. I’m just spoiled from Gabby being a good girl from the beginning, outside of eating my socks and a keyboard cord.

I got a crested gecko, affectionately named Pretzel based on the fact that he was contorting into a pretzel in his cup at the reptile show. I went to the show after doing my research and totally intended to get a dalmation crested, but then saw him derping hard and had to get him. Cresteds are idiots and it’s amazing they didn’t entirely go extinct in the wild. I love him but uh. He’s really dumb. There’s a reason they were going extinct. Also kind of boring, sad to say. They are ok pets if you can accept that they don’t do anything ever but look cute.

We have 14 bettas. Most of which are in or are soon moving into divided 10gallons. The dividers from Life With Pets are excellent and sturdy. We siliconed most of the tanks’ dividers in, so they’re not going anywhere and the boys are safe. I know people say they stress from the presence of another male, but mostly they just get used to the other and accept that there is a barrier protecting them. We only had one problem child, Reaper, a beautiful black crowntail, who would just not calm down for anything and had his own 10 gallon to himself. He sadly passed away after bloating. We also have one plakat male who tries to jump the divider, but that has been solved with a glass top and floating plants. The others have all been a-ok and it’s nice to be able to live a dream of saving a lot of store bettas that would have otherwise died in their dirty cups. c:

We did try a female sorority. It went bad. I don’t recommend. The girls did not survive the stress. I’m mad I ever tried. I’m mad it works for a lot of people. They could have still been here if I hadn’t tried. So that’s been some additional guilt on my shoulders. If anyone ever wants to try a sorority, just don’t. Buy each their own safe space and be happy with just having live bettas, please. ;; They’re just as pretty as boys, I promise.

Hmm I feel like there’s been more but idk. Been going to a lot of thrift stores and stuff. Nothing really new? I’ve been decluttering a lot, despite how it looks in our place. We’ll probably move by the end of next year, don’t know where. Probably still within Illinois, tho!

Vampy had a birthday yesterday and if you missed it totally wish her a happy one. c: I think that’s it? Idk? I hope everyone has been good and I’m sorry if my silence appeared to be disliking you guys. I was just, slowly processing some heavy shit. Ilu.

[thestoryweneededtowrite]

spot and race defs get their shit together bc they start sexting as a joke but then realize both of them are SUPER into it

I’m not sure if this is a headcanon or a prompt so yes I support this and also I wrote a thing.

R: I wnt to touch u

The text message came through when Spot was staring angrily athis stack of reading as if that was somehow going to get the job done. Welcomingthe distraction, he scooped up his phone and read the message. The sender almostconfused him more than its content. Tony Higgins, who everyone seemed to callRace for a reason no one could explain. He was in one of Spot’s seminars andthey’d been paired together for a presentation, prompting the exchange of phonenumbers, but beyond that they’d nothing to do with each other. And now Race waspropositioning him? Spot texted back anyway – as weird as this was it was moreentertaining than Derrida.

S: How drunk are youright now?

The reply came almost instantly.

R: 4

R: On a scale 1 to 4

Race’s answer was evident in his poor logic and lack ofgrammar without the need for words. Spot was no stranger to guys who turned queerafter several drinks; it seemed university was full of people who got handsywith whoever was closest regardless of gender after a beer or two. It was finefor anyone straight. They could, and did, just laugh it off the next morning –if they even remembered what had happened at all. But Spot reckoned queer folkshad a lot more to lose by getting together with someone on a night out sincethere was every chance that person might turn around and say they weren’tinterested once they were sober. Spot was pretty such Race was one of thoseguys who just got too affectionate after some alcohol. He wasn’t going to playalong just to be mocked the next day.

S: Go to sleep Race

He hoped the text sounded as final to Race as it did to him,but a few seconds later another reply buzzed.

R: Cnt. At pary

Either Race was currently in a sword fight with someone, orhe was at a party; either was possible from his vague attempts to spell wordscorrectly. Spot decided the latter was probably most likely. He bristled at theidea of his texts being shown around a group of drunk, laughing people and wasglad he’d decided to largely ignore Race’s message. Had he been drunk himself,or had Race been queer, he might have responded in kind. When attractive peoplerandomly sexted you out of nowhere sometimes it was just good sense to go withit. Now was clearly not one of those times.

S: Oh

S: That explains alot

S: This is a dare?

Either alcohol or peer pressure had to be behind this.

R: Had t osext sum1

Clearly it was a little or both, but from the sounds of itRace was message hadn’t been solely concocted by his own brain and some beer.Spot gritted his teeth. He’d hoped uni would be the end of the pranks andteasing and joking around with him because he liked guys. Race seemed like adecent guy, in the little time they’d spent together, and Spot couldn’tunderstand why he’d willingly join in with what amounted to little more thanbullying.

S: And you pickedme…???

R: Random

R: But I’m glad u

Spot stared at the second message when it appeared on hisscreen. The tone seemed to have changed; he would have bet anything that Racehad stepped away from his friends and whatever game he was playing to continuethis conversation. It didn’t seem like something you’d want people reading overyour shoulder for.

S: Right…?

Spot typed back, his fingers shaking ever so slightly. Hewas still determined not to look like he was encouraging this, but he didn’treally want it to end either. Why was Race glad it was his name that had comeup? Because he knew Spot wouldn’t take it seriously, considering it was comingfrom a, presumably, straight guy? Or was there another reason?

R: I do wan to tocuhu

R: Yor’e hot

It took a couple of seconds for Spot to decipher Race’sdrunk texting but once he did he just blinked. And then confusion quicklyturned to bitterness and he tightened his hold on his phone. It was cruel tomock him like that just because he was out and proud. He could imagine Race onthe other side of the conversation, laughing to himself as he drunkenly decidedit was okay to say those things.

Spot typed out three last messages, sending them one afterthe other, before setting his phone aside screen-down and turning over to go tosleep.

S: And you’re drunk

S: Leave me alone

S: Go back to yourparty

  The next day Race woke up far after his lectures had begunand ended. His head was still pounding and everything was a little blurry.Reaching for the headache tablets he kept just beside his bed for time likethese, he swallowed two of them dry. They scratched at his throat as they wentdown but he knew he wouldn’t be able to stand up to get water until he startedto feel a little less ill. To pass the ten minutes he had to wait for thepainkillers to take effect, he grabbed his phone and tried to assess the damageof the night before. Texts and snapchat replies and tweets were usually goodstarting evidence to work out what he’d done. The name at the top of his recentcontacts list chilled him to the bone. CuteIrish Seminar Boy. Otherwise known as Spot Conlon, the infuriating boy withdistracting cheekbones and a smirk that Race swore would have turned him gay ifhe hadn’t already played for both teams. Oh, this was not good. He prayed toany deity he could think of before he opened up the message log.

Reading it through he had to admit it could have been farworse. The truth or dare game came back to him, albeit slightly hazily, and he vaguelyrecalled being happy when it was Spot’s contact that had been chosen for him tosext. He could probably alleviate most of what he’d written by blaming alcoholbut there was still the underlying problem that he’d admitted to attraction. Andfrom Spot’s responses he was hurt by the conversation – that wasn’t how Racewanted to leave things. Swallowing his pride, he typed a quick apology.

R: I’m sry

R: Abt last night

He didn’t know how to go into detail. I’m sorry I hit on you. I’m sorry you were the person I had to text. I’msorry I hurt you?

It was only a second before a little bubble popped up totell him Spot was replying. He held his breath and waited for the dots in thebubble to change into letters, hoping the message wasn’t going to be one ofscorn.

S: Wow

S: You’re almost asbad at texting sober

It broke the tension, if that was what Spot was aiming for.Race managed a small laugh, surprised and relieved when it didn’t result in himwanting to throw up.

R: Shut up

It was a poor reply, but Race didn’t know what else to do.He was leaving the ball in Spot’s court – something that would turn out to beone of the best decisions he’d ever made.

S: So you want totouch me, huh?

S: Didn’t know youswung that way

Race liked where this was going. He wasn’t in the closet,exactly, but he was out on more of a need-to-know basis. Right now it seemedlike there was something intriguing to come of Spot knowing. Race knew he was gay,so if he was interested then… He typed a reply before he could talk himself outof it.

R: I swing evry way

R: & sure

R: U may be a dickbut u r attractive 

It was a couple of minutes before Spot replied and Racemanaged to convince himself that he’d made a huge mistake. He could see thatSpot went to type something several times, but kept deleting it and leaving nothing.When a reply eventually came it was more difficult to interpret than Race wouldhave liked.

S: Thanks I guess

Still, that wasn’t a negative response. And Race figured hehad nothing to lose.

R: I wdn’t say no

 S: Well I might

 R: Wld you?

 S: Are you stilldrunk?

Race snorted. He hadn’t had that much to drink. He was stilla little foggy but his headache was mostly gone and the room had stoppedspinning. If Spot was worried about taking advantage of a drunk guy then theydidn’t have a problem.

R: Hungover, nt drunk

 S: And will you typein English?

 R: Fine

It was an annoying condition to agree to – text speak wasn’tthat hard to understand and it was far quicker to type, Race was adamant – but itseemed like a small price to pay for whatever might be about to happen. Therewas no delay in a reply this time.

S: Then lock yourdoor and take off your clothes

There was a chance this was all a joke. Spot could beleading him on with the intention of humiliating him as retribution for themessages the night before but Race was hungover and he just couldn’t think itthrough without the world starting to tilt. 

R: You serious?

He hoped the question would be enough to give Spot an out tofind some morality if this was all a big joke, but instead he got a far betteranswer. 

S: No Skype no phonecalls no photos, just texts

S: But yeah, I’mserious

S: I need to get off 

Race groaned. Given the choice he’d rather actually get tosleep with Spot but he wasn’t going to turn down the proposition. He wasn’twearing many clothes after the night before, he’d probably find them scatteredacross his room from the door to the bed, but he slipped off his boxers. If hewas going to do this, he was going to do it right.

 R: Same

 S: Clothes off?

 R: Yeah

 S: Tell me whatyou’re doing

Sometimes Race felt like he was in a polyamorous relationshipwith two other people: Spot, and Spot’s job. He was proud and supportive butthat didn’t mean he didn’t miss his boyfriend when he was away on businesstrips that lasted too long and were too frequent. They’d been together forseven years and Race had grown to love the domesticity and comfort – even ifthey’d started as friends-with-benefits who weren’t even really friends.

Thinking back over their relationship made him miss Spoteven more and soon he was subconscious reaching for his phone and sending atext.

R: Hey

Spot knew Race well by now. ‘Hey’ didn’t mean ‘hi’. ‘Hi’would have meant ‘hi’. ‘Hey’ meant ‘I want to talk to you.’ The message he sentback was an answer to the statement Race didn’t even need to say.

S: What’s up?

 R: What are you doingright now?

Spot took a moment to appreciate the fact Race’s text speakhad gotten better over the years before looking around his rather Spartan hotelroom and sighing. He wanted to be home. Meetings were important for his job andhe knew that, but Race was important for his sanity.

S: Prepping for ameeting

It was partly true. It was what he was supposed to be doingbut he was more than grateful for the distraction Race was providing from staringat the ceiling and wishing he wasn’t in a the hotel of a conference centerseveral hours from home.

R: Want to prep forsomething else?

The insinuation seemed clear but they hadn’t done this sincethey’d officially gotten together and Spot wanted to make sure.

S: Race…?

 R: You’re in yourhotel room?

S: Yeah

 R: Lock the door andtake off your pants

The words had Spot grinning. It was what they’d alwaysmessaged each other with years ago when they’d wanted to start something. Hisdoor was already locked and he hadn’t bothered to get dressed that day yet, buthe still appreciated the old phrase. Even though he was far too far away fromRace, it meant him feel closer.

S: What are we doing?

He was being coy at this point. He knew exactly what theywere doing, but Race went along with it anyway.

R: Reminiscing. Forold time’s sake.

That was definitely something Spot could get on board with.