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thatfilthyanimal · 7 years ago

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Also hi I haven’t been very social hmm

I’m not gunna lie, my concept of time has been very warped. I’m acutely aware that dad died as of two years ago but time itself has been an utter blur in a fog of depression that I think has finally lifted, maybe. Just the other day we went to cut our hair and when asked when I was there last, my guess was maybe 6 months ago? A year maybe?

It had been over two years.

And if you asked me what I’ve been doing in this time, the honest answer is I DON’T KNOW. I don’t. A lot of brain fog, which is fucking terrifying honestly. I can’t really tell you what I’ve been up to because I don’t actually remember.

At some point I reactivated WoW and got my hunter from 45 or so to 110. I boosted Monoxide and remembered I hate playing priest.

I’ve been doing what I like to call “playing in resin” which is basically taking the two-part epoxy resin and throwing colors in it and pouring into molds. With varying results. It’s oddly calming and theraputic. Not a cheap craft sadly, and I need to start trying to sell stuff. :x I’d be 100% open to ideas from ya’ll on what you’d like to see made.

I got the flu twice last year, once around my birthday and once around christmas. Got sick again a few weeks ago. I’m okay now, but taking antibiotics for my stupid face that can’t figure out how to not get sinus infections.

I guess my brain’s response to death of an abusive but also damaged parent is to shut down, and turn off the ability to remember for the most part, and to fall into a depressive slump where I don’t reach out to anybody because I don’t wnt to be a bother.

Also kind of sad tbh, at the people who didn’t reach out for two years I guess. People I thought were friends who don’t seem to be anymore. That’s been very sad. The borderline part of my brain has been very loud and toxic and I’m left very bitter, but fighting it. I love my friends, but I don’t feel their love back outside of a select few. I need new friends. I need more friends. I’m trying not to throw people away but I’m tired of fighting. I won. Two years, I won. But I’m still sad.

Anyway, expect to see me actually talking here again.

You may of caught that we got a puppy, Minion! She’s a black-headed tri-colored corgi. She’s almost a year old now, and has been a pain in the ass. I truly don’t recommend getting a puppy. I doubt I ever will again. I got my dream pupper, but I’m totally going back to rescues in the future. She tests our patience every day but she’s a good pup. I’m just spoiled from Gabby being a good girl from the beginning, outside of eating my socks and a keyboard cord.

I got a crested gecko, affectionately named Pretzel based on the fact that he was contorting into a pretzel in his cup at the reptile show. I went to the show after doing my research and totally intended to get a dalmation crested, but then saw him derping hard and had to get him. Cresteds are idiots and it’s amazing they didn’t entirely go extinct in the wild. I love him but uh. He’s really dumb. There’s a reason they were going extinct. Also kind of boring, sad to say. They are ok pets if you can accept that they don’t do anything ever but look cute.

We have 14 bettas. Most of which are in or are soon moving into divided 10gallons. The dividers from Life With Pets are excellent and sturdy. We siliconed most of the tanks’ dividers in, so they’re not going anywhere and the boys are safe. I know people say they stress from the presence of another male, but mostly they just get used to the other and accept that there is a barrier protecting them. We only had one problem child, Reaper, a beautiful black crowntail, who would just not calm down for anything and had his own 10 gallon to himself. He sadly passed away after bloating. We also have one plakat male who tries to jump the divider, but that has been solved with a glass top and floating plants. The others have all been a-ok and it’s nice to be able to live a dream of saving a lot of store bettas that would have otherwise died in their dirty cups. c:

We did try a female sorority. It went bad. I don’t recommend. The girls did not survive the stress. I’m mad I ever tried. I’m mad it works for a lot of people. They could have still been here if I hadn’t tried. So that’s been some additional guilt on my shoulders. If anyone ever wants to try a sorority, just don’t. Buy each their own safe space and be happy with just having live bettas, please. ;; They’re just as pretty as boys, I promise.

Hmm I feel like there’s been more but idk. Been going to a lot of thrift stores and stuff. Nothing really new? I’ve been decluttering a lot, despite how it looks in our place. We’ll probably move by the end of next year, don’t know where. Probably still within Illinois, tho!

Vampy had a birthday yesterday and if you missed it totally wish her a happy one. c: I think that’s it? Idk? I hope everyone has been good and I’m sorry if my silence appeared to be disliking you guys. I was just, slowly processing some heavy shit. Ilu.

#personal #Gabby #Minion Puppy #bpd #small death mention #grief

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