#then he sat back down as normal and went to trauma explaining

[cryingforcrocodiles]

good morning

[l0vergirlwrites]

how do i know it’s true? ; steve harrington

synopsis: to steve, nothing involving the upside down could surprise him after everything him & the gang have gone through. until you get taken by vecna—the worst thing steve has ever witnessed.

warnings: swearing, mentions of trauma, blood & injuries, anxiety, possibility of dying, possession, general angst & vecna (yes, that creepy dude needs his own warning). but don’t worry, there’s fluff scattered in between.

note: this fic is inspired by the blue nile’s “the downtown lights” (let’s pretend it came out before season 3 plz) & phoebe bridgers’ “garden song”!

for a moment, everything was fine.

well, your definition of fine was watching your friends climb up a makeshift rope of bed sheets from the upside down gate in eddie’s trailer. you couldn’t help but let out a few laugh sat their reactions when they landed on the mattress eddie had placed beneath the gate as a landing pad.

this was your normal now; casually going in & out of dimensions to solve supernatural puzzles & attempt to save the day all while wondering if you were ever going to finish your algebra homework (you secretly knew you wouldn’t ever find the time).

steve, being the helpful man he’s known to be, was kneeled on the ground with his hands cupped so he could hoist each person up towards safety despite his abdomen aching in pain from bat bites. he truly was your hero.

when it came to be your turn to climb, you couldn’t help but run a hand through his hair.

“chivalry sure isn’t dead, huh?” you ruffled his locks of brown & amber, feeling your heart beat a second faster when he smiled & scrunched his nose cutely at your action.

“definitely not when it comes to you” he winked smoothly, feeling pride in his chest when you grinned wider at him.

“okay, time to hop on up miss”

gripping onto the rope of sheets, you felt a pit in your stomach start to build, but steve tapping the back of your jean covered thigh snapped you out of it.

“i gotcha, don’t worry” he assured with a determined look in his eyes.

like hell he was ever gonna drop you.

so with a nod of your head, you lifted your left foot onto steve’s cupped hands & felt him push you up.

but then everything went black.

at first, you thought your nervous system may of just forced you to shut your eyes in fear of going head first & falling upside down through the gate (you still could not fathom the physics that explained how it worked), but to no avail, all you saw was black.

soon enough, you couldn’t feel the rope.

you couldn’t hear steve or your friends talking.

you couldn’t feel steve.

now, you were starting to panic.

just as you were about to scream, you felt something sharp on your neck. a long nail dragging across your skin too softly to break the skin. the hairs on your arms stood up, goosebumps littered your body, & all you could do was freeze.

“i think you know why you’re here,” a chilling voice whispered into your right ear, making you cringe as you felt the creatures warm breath fan against your skin.

vecna had you trapped. fuck.

“you know, living with the guilt you’ve harboured for so long must be quite exhausting—isn’t it?”

no, no, no, no. this can’t be happening.

“knowing that if you had kept your mouth shut, your anger controlled, that maybe—just maybe, your father would still be alive”

in a flash you were transported back to that haunted day, back to that road trip that your father forced you to go on. you never had a good relationship with him to begin with, so being stuck in a small space for seven hours wasn’t your ideal way to spend a weekend.

it was a few months after your parents finally divorced after years of fighting, screaming, family dinners that were unsuccessful. your father had wanted to bond, to atone whatever trauma he had inflicted upon you as a young child from refusing marriage counselling (or counselling in general) to work on his behaviour.

but as expected, he was too prideful to admit he was ever in the wrong.

which leads you to that moment in the car.

he blamed you for whatever wrong turn he had made a couple miles back, & since you were the one holding the map, it began a screaming match that festered into a tug of war. you tried to get him to let go of your wrists, to let you lead you both out of the barren forest covered dirt roads so you could ge to wherever the hell he wanted to take you to, but he wouldn’t budge.

however, one wrong move changed it all.

it was when you elbowed him the eye accidentally, causing him to yell in agony & involuntarily push his right foot harder on the gas. he wasn’t paying attention to his speed, nor the way the steering wheel was turning.

one minute you were on a dirt road.

the next you were upside down on a rocky ditch that was at least thirty feet from where the dirt road was.

your vision was blurry with blood from a cut on your forehead. your right ankle aching & smushed tight between your car seat & the concaved passenger door.

your father, who hadn’t worn his seatbelt, was partially through the car’s windshield, body covered in glass & blood & you couldn’t tell if he was breathing.

you stayed like that for hours, with the car alarm blaring in your ears until a first ranger showed up as your saving grace.

but your father didn’t survive. & you still believed it was all your fault.

“wouldn’t it be nice if you could let it go? atone for what you did? stop the guilt from eating away at you?” vecna’s voice boomed in your ears.

you were paralyzed in fear, praying this moment would be over.

*~*~*~***~*~~*~*~**~*~*~~*

“you got a good grip, y/n/n?” steve asked after you stilled for a moment, left foot still in the palms of his hands, waiting to be boosting upwards.

you stayed silent. frozen.

steve called out your name again as your grip loosened on the rope & your body began tipping backwards. he quickly reacted, catching your limp body in time before your head smacked the ground.

his heart stopped when he saw your eyes rolling into the back of your head.

“no… no, no, no, no! fuck! please, please not you—not you” steve yelled, his hands cradling your face & occasionally slapping your cheeks gently with hopes you’d snap out of it—hoping vecna would let you out of his grasp so steve could make it better.

“steve? what’s going on down there?” robin yelled, her voice echoing into steve’s ears but his heart was constricting & his chest felt really heavy.

“he’s got her—he’s fucking got her & she’s not waking up!” steve yelled again, tears brimming his eyes in fear because he could lose you right now.

brushing your hair out of your face frantically, steve continued tapping your skin. “sweetheart, you gotta wake up. it’s steve—i’m right here. can you hear me? c’mon—come back to me, baby” he croaked as the minutes went on, drowning out the panicked voices in the gate above him.

“what do i do? what do i do—��

“steve! what’s her favourite song? we need her favourite song!” dustin yelled repeatedly, trying to wake steve up from his own panic mode.

it clicked—how could steve forget.

music.

“holy shit. that’s it. favourite song, favourite song…” steve began to feel hopeful, scouring his mind through a rolodex of memories until he found the one he was looking for.

“the downtown lights by the blue nile! the cassette’s in my glovebox! hurry!” he yelled with a heartbroken plea, his eyes not leaving your face. “c’mon, baby. wake up”.

steve didn’t care that he was crying now, but he wasn’t gonna give up on you. while the others were searching through the glove compartment of steve’s b&w & eddie’s stash of cassette tapes in case, steve just started to sing the song in hopes you’d hear him.

“sometimes i walk away, when all i really wanna do is love & hold you right…”

his voice was cracking with nerves, failing to stay completely steady as his chest hurt & his hands were trembling against your skin.

“there is just one thing i can say. nobody loves you this way,” he held back a sob, his heart clenching at how your eyes continued to roll back. “it’s all right. can’t you see, the downtown lights…”

~*~***~~~**~***~*~~***~**~*~

steve learned your favourite song early on when you started dating, around mid october after starcourt fell, where you invited steve over for a sleep over since your mom went out of town for a weekend.

he knew you hated sleeping in your house alone after the events of the summer, so he didn’t mind keeping you company. you both had sprawled out on your living room couch, coffee table filled with pizza, pop, & your favourite treat (which steve picked up on his way over as a surprise). the movie on the tv had become background noise by the time you both had finished eating, bodies turned to one another underneath the blanket you two shared.

“so, when am i gonna get a room tour, hmm?” steve asked as he brushed some hair away from your forehead, fingers tucking some starnes behind your left ear as you looked at him as if he had hung the moon.

“i’ll show you under one condition, harrington”

“i’m all ears” he said eagerly, scooting closer to you on the couch.

nervously, you raised your left index finger to your lips & tapped them, eyes flickering between steve’s brown ones & his pink lips. he watched you closely, getting an idea of what you wanted (which made his stomach roll with butterflies).

“ahhhh” he dragged with realization, “want me to kiss you? is that it?” he teased, making you feel smaller than you really were under his gaze.

but before you could turn away or back out, steve was cradling your cheek & bringing you closer to him. his breath fanned your skin, noses lightly brushing against the other.

“i really wanna kiss you too” he mumbled with a smile before leaning further to close the gap.

you hummed in delight when your lips pressed to his, fingers fisting the material of his sweatshirt because it felt so good. steve could hear his heartbeat loud in his ears as he continued to kiss you, his thumb brushing softly against your cheek to make you melt under his touch. the longer his lips meshed with yours, the more your body had moved to practically sit on top of his, chests just touching as your arms trailed up to wrap around his shoulders.

“steve” you breathed, pulling away with a pant but still staying close.

“was that too much?” he asked concerned, chest rising up & down as he looked at you with care.

it was you who kissed him next, one that lasted a few seconds before resting your forehead against his. “n-no—it was really nice” you exhaled with a smile, arms tightening around him when you felt his left hand resting on your lower back, rubbing up & down soothingly.

you both hasn’t realized that the movie was over & the channel had switched over to music videos. playing softly in the background was a song you had a deep spot in your heart for. turning towards the tv with a tiny gasp, you smiled harder when you saw that it was the blue nile.

“that’s my favourite song!” you whispered excitedly, turning back to steve when he tapped your cheek.

“what song is it?” he asked, not having too much knowledge about them.

“the downtown lights” you replied sheepishly.

“there is just one thing i can say. nobody loves you this way,” you hummed along to the lyrics with a small smile.

steve watched you, admiring how your face looked with the tv glow casting on your features. he thought you were just the best thing ever.

turning up the volume with the remote in his hand, steve listened intently to the lyrics, right foot tapping against the carpeted floor to the beat. “it’s really pretty—just like you” he said, smiling brightly when you chuckled at him.

“that’s so cliche, but thank you”

“cliche but true. & you’re welcome”

~**~*~~*~***~**~~**~**~

after he let the memory replay in his mind, the cassette tap for the band’s album “hats” landed by steve’s feet with a walkman & a headset.

“finally!” steve yelled more so to himself, brushing away a stray tear on his cheek to grab the items

first he put the headphones over your ears. then he attached the tape to the player & forwarded the tape to the song’s track number. turning the volume up, steve’s hands resumed their spot on your face to hold you, to coax out of whatever horrific trance you were in.

“hey, can you hear me? it’s steve, your steve. you gotta wake up, okay? you gotta come back to me” he begged, his hope growing thin as the seconds went on.

“everyone’s here—dustin, lucas, max, robin, nancy, eddie—we’re here. we want you back. we need you. i promise i won’t do anymore stupid impressions or be an idiot—i’ll be whatever you want me to be” steve continued to ramble, praying that you were listening, that you were coming home to him.

“i-i love you. & i can’t do this without you” he cried to you, not caring if any of his friends heard his love confession in the moment because you were still limp in his arms.

he could vaguely hear the yells of his friends trying to talk to you too, trying to lead you back to reality. but all steve could focus on were how your eyes continued rolling into the back of your head.

it wasn’t until the song was about to restart on a loop where steve felt your arms twitching, your chest raising up & down rapidly. before he could even blink your eyes returned back to normal, lips letting out panicked breaths as you scanned your surroundings, hands about to push steve’s away until you saw him.

“s-steve?” you asked wearily, voice feeling small & fragile after the return to hell you had just experienced. “w-what… i-i don’t understand…” you were at a loss for words, confused & scared.

“it’s me, honey—i’m right here. it’s okay now,” before he could finish, you were hiding in his chest, hands gripping the jean jacket he wore so tightly in fear that this was another trick. that maybe you weren’t safe & vecna still had you.

you sobbed hard, breaths becoming strained with each cry that tore through you. every time you closed your eyes, you were back there again—back in that god forsaken car with bloody vision & your father dead. back where vecna told you your worst fears.

“you’re safe. i’m here now. god, i was so worried—ohmygod” steve rambled assurances, cradling your head close like he was in disbelief too, making sure that you were really back in his arms.

surprisingly, the headset was still secured to your head, downtown lights continuing to play from the foamy speakers into your ears. the song calmed you down a bit, made you feel grounded. but it was steve’s touches, the smell of his cologne, & his soft whispers that called you home—back to reality.

“is this real?” your broken voice asked, needing to make sure it was really him.

so steve pulled your head back to hold your face in his hands. he smoothed the sweat, the baby hairs, the tears, & splotches of dirt off your skin, giving you the kindest look you’ve ever been given. “ yeah, i’m real. i’m not gonna hurt you. i gotcha, yeah? won’t let anything hurt you again, promise” he swore with honour, his own lip trembling when your eyes continued to well up with tears.

“god, i love you” he pressed his forehead to yours, exhaling a shaky breath when one of your hands pressed against his chest to feel his heartbeat.

that was the most intimate thing he’s ever felt.

“i love you too” you mumbled back to him, pulling him in for another bone crushing hug to say all the words you wanted to in the moment. steve got the message loud & clear.

[redroseworks]

Shinazugawa-sensei is homophobic

(I wrote this to be silly so it's just a quick thing with little substance. Set in the Kimetsu academy au)

Genya awkwardly looked up from his homework at Sanemi. He was waiting for Sanemi to be finished with some paperwork before they went home. “I'm dating someone.” He said.

Sanemi glared at him over his paperwork. “So?”

“His name is Tanjiro Kamado.” Genya said. He knew his brother didn't like Tanjiro but his brother didn't like most people.

Sanemi sneered. “I don't want to hear about that. That's fucking gross. Keep that shit to yourself.”

Genya rolled his eyes. He knew that Sanemi wouldn't be happy to hear he was dating Tanjiro. “You're such a homophobic jerk.” Genya said, jokingly.

“Yeah. I hate gay people. They're shitty.” Sanemi said, rolling his eyes. “And I don't want to hear about your stupid so called boyfriend.”

Genya laughed quietly. Sanemi was gay himself and definitely not homophobic. “So you hate me!? Your own brother!?” He asked with an overly dramatic tone.

“Yes. Get back to doing your damn homework you stupid faggot.”

Unknown to the two eldest Shinazugawa brothers, a student (*cough* Murata *cough*) had been coming by to ask Sanemi a math related question and had overheard the two brothers' conversation.

And now said student was not a gossip but he did tell a few people about how he felt bad for Genya and word spread over the weekend that Genya was stuck with a homophobic older brother.

Granted, most people already felt bad for Genya because he was related to Sanemi. But to know that Sanemi was homophobic and Genya was gay? It was… well surprising? People weren't sure but it was fun to gossip.

On Monday, Genya couldn't help but to feel like people were looking at him. He liked to believe it was because he was holding Tanjiro's hand that morning but he had been doing it everyday last week.

Plus they were looking at him like they felt bad. It was like the archery award thing again.

By lunch it was Zenitsu who finally revealed what was going on.

“Genya, I knew your brother was a jerk but I never thought he would be homophobic.” Zenitsu said as he sat down next to Inosuke.

“Huh?” Genya looked at him, confused.

“What are you talking about?” Tanjiro asked.

“Why is the evil math teacher scared of homes?” Inosuke commented.

“I guess someone overheard your brother being homophobic towards you for dating Tanjiro. That he even called you the f word. The whole school's been talking about it.” Zenitsu explained as he started to eat.

Genya's face paled. “The whole school..?”

Zenitsu nodded. “Yeah. Did he really call you the f word?” He asked.

“Uh…” Genya was quiet for a moment. “Well… yes? But that's normal.”

“Genya, your brother shouldn't be calling you that.” Tanjiro huffed. “That's not okay!”

“For real. I know he's dick but I think there's a line.” Zenitsu agreed.

Genya sighed. “He's not homophobic. He's literally gay.”

“You can be gay and homophobic though. I've seen the memes.” Inosuke said.

Genya snorted. “But he's not. Someone probably overheard us being us and assumed the worst.”

“Oh. Good.” Tanjiro said with a smile. “I would have fought Shinazugawa-sensei if he was actually homophobic. And now that you mention it, I'm not surprised he's queer.”

Genya blushed. “Uh…” He had no idea how to respond to such a weirdly sweet and scary comment.

“Stop being gay right in front of my salad.” Zenitsu said. “...wait Shinazugawa-sensei is gay?? I thought him and Kocho-sensei were a thing?!”

“No. Well, they dated when they were in high school for like a month. I have the trauma of seeing them in the middle of fooling around one day when my mom and I took my younger siblings to the park and I forgot my phone…” Genya blushed at the memory. It was so embarrassing to think about. Him and Sanemi shared a room at the time so that was where his phone had been.

Zenitsu's face perked up. “You've seen Kocho-sensei's..”

“Finish that sentence and I'll kill you, Agatsuma.” Shinobu appeared almost as if out of nowhere.

Zenitsu nodded silently.

Shinobu looked at Genya with a smirk. “Heard that your brother was homophobic. Makes sense that he hates himself.” She said.

Genya laughed. “Wasn't it your sister that caused him to turn gay?” He sneered. Were he and Shinobu friends? Maybe. Did they share the bond of being witnesses to the weirdness that was Sanemi dating Kanae? Yes.

“At least she never fooled around with Tomika-sensei.” Shinobu said.

Tanjiro, Zenitsu, and Inosuke all looked shocked by the words out of their upper classmate's mouth.

Genya nodded. “Fair enough. You got him there.”

“Tomioka and Shinazugawa..?” Tanjiro questioned.

Genya smiled at Tanjiro. “You'd find out sooner or later but yeah. They've been dating for about a year now.”

“Huh.” Tanjiro said, clearly processing it.

“Yet they still make out in empty classrooms like teenagers. Too bad someone told Murata to take some papers to Kocho-sensei in that very room.” Shinobu said with a chuckle.

“You're evil. When Sanemi finds out you're behind it, you're dead.” Genya said.

Shinobu shrugged. “Oh I doubt he'd be able to catch me.”

[defiblover27]

The Next Morning

..................................

The fluorescent lights in the emergency room buzzed softly overhead, casting a harsh glow over the sterile space. Sarah sat with her best friend, Emma, her arm wrapped tightly around her. They had been out drinking the night before, but something was wrong. Emma wasn’t just hungover; her skin was pale, and her body seemed to be shutting down. Sarah couldn’t shake the feeling that something was terribly off.

"I don’t feel right," Emma had whispered earlier, wincing from the pain in her head. "This isn’t a normal hangover."

Sarah’s heart raced as she explained to the triage nurse what had happened, pleading for her to take Emma seriously. "She’s really not feeling well. We were out drinking, but this isn’t normal. She can barely sit up, and she keeps saying her head is splitting."

The nurse, an older woman with a dismissive tone, didn’t even look up from the computer. "Sounds like a typical hangover to me," she muttered. "Fluids and rest will do the trick."

Sarah’s frustration boiled over, but before she could argue further, the nurse finally gestured for them to follow her into a treatment room. "Fine, let’s get her back and have a look. But honestly, it sounds like she overdid it."

Once they reached the room, the nurse handed Emma a pale blue hospital gown. "Change into this," she said as she began preparing an IV. Emma could barely stand, and Sarah had to help her get undressed and into the gown. Her movements were slow, almost robotic, as if her body was betraying her.

The nurse inserted the IV with a quick, "Just a little pinch," then attached sticky leads to Emma’s chest, monitoring her heart rate and oxygen levels. The soft beeping of the machines filled the room, and Sarah’s anxiety only deepened.

Emma groaned, her face twisted in pain. "My head… it feels like it’s going to explode."

The nurse, still indifferent, glanced at the monitors. "Her vitals are fine," she said dismissively. "I’ll start her on some oxygen, just in case." She placed a nasal cannula under Emma’s nose, the soft hiss of oxygen beginning to flow.

"I’ll be back in twenty minutes to check on her," the nurse added before leaving the room.

The minutes dragged on, and Sarah sat by Emma’s side, watching her friend struggle. Emma’s breathing had stabilized slightly, but her face was still pale, and she seemed disoriented, her hand never leaving her throbbing temple.

"Em, you feeling any better?" Sarah asked softly.

Emma’s eyes fluttered open briefly, her voice barely audible. "A little… breathing’s easier, but my head… it’s still pounding."

When the nurse returned, her expression was more serious. She glanced at the monitors, noting a slight decrease in Emma’s vitals. "Her heart rate’s down a bit, but nothing critical," the nurse said, though the worry had finally started to creep into her voice.

Just then, the door opened, and Dr. Warren stepped in, a tall man with graying hair at his temples. He introduced himself with a calm, steady tone, quickly assessing Emma’s condition. After listening to her heart and lungs, he asked a series of questions.

"Emma, can you tell me what happened last night? Anything unusual?"

Emma winced, struggling to focus. "I went to the bathroom at the bar. I felt dizzy, really dizzy, and then… I blacked out. I woke up on the floor."

"Do you think you hit your head?" Dr. Warren asked, his concern deepening.

"I don’t know," Emma whispered. "I didn’t feel anything at the time, but my head’s been killing me ever since."

Dr. Warren nodded, his expression unreadable. "I want to get a CT scan, just to rule out any head trauma. We’ll make sure nothing serious is going on."

The nurse quickly made arrangements, but just as she was about to wheel Emma out for the scan, an alarm rang through the ER. The PA system crackled, "Code Blue, Room 14. Code Blue." Another cardiac arrest.

As the team rushed to respond, Sarah watched in helpless horror as an elderly woman was wheeled past the room, a nurse straddling her on the gurney, performing aggressive chest compressions. The woman’s body jolted with each push, and the sound of the compressions echoed down the hall. Sarah’s heart pounded. The reality of the situation hit her hard—this was life or death.

Dr. Warren apologized as he and the nurse ran off to assist in the resuscitation. "We’ll get the CT done as soon as possible," he said, his face grim as he disappeared with the team.

Fifteen minutes later, the nurse returned. Emma’s vitals had decreased slightly. Sarah, still shaken from seeing the elderly woman, couldn’t help but ask, "What happened to her?"

The nurse sighed, her face softening. "She didn’t make it. By the time we got to her, there wasn’t much we could do. Her heart had stopped for too long."

Sarah’s stomach twisted as she processed the nurse’s words. She glanced at Emma, who was barely hanging on, her breathing shallow and her hand still pressed to her head. "We’re not giving up on your friend, though," the nurse added. "We’ll get her that CT scan soon."

Emma was finally taken to CT, and Sarah was left alone in the room, her mind racing. The minutes dragged on as she anxiously waited for her friend to return. But then, another alarm blared over the PA system, echoing through the halls.

Sarah froze, her blood turning to ice.

Before she could react, a team of doctors and nurses rushed past the door—Emma was on a gurney, being pushed frantically toward the trauma room. Sarah’s heart stopped as she saw the nurse straddling Emma, performing CPR.

"Emma!" Sarah screamed, bolting out of the room to follow them. Emma’s limp body jolted with each compression, her face pale and lifeless. The nurse pressed down hard on Emma’s chest, her entire body moving with each rapid thrust.

Sarah chased after them, her feet pounding the floor, but the team was too focused, too intent on saving Emma’s life to notice her. They reached the trauma room, the doors swinging open with a sense of finality as Emma was rushed inside.

Sarah stumbled to a stop just outside the trauma room, her breath catching in her throat as she stared at the chaotic scene unfolding before her. Doctors and nurses crowded around Emma’s bed, shouting orders as the nurse continued the relentless chest compressions. The defibrillator was charged, the paddles pressed to Emma’s chest.

"Clear!" the doctor shouted.

Emma’s body convulsed violently as the electrical shock surged through her. Sarah flinched, tears spilling down her face as she watched, helpless and terrified.

The nurse resumed CPR immediately, her hands pressing down hard on Emma’s chest, forcing her heart to pump. "Come on, Emma," Sarah whispered, her voice breaking. "Please… please don’t leave me."

"Push another round of epi," the doctor ordered, and a nurse quickly injected the medication into Emma’s IV.

The room was filled with urgency, but to Sarah, everything seemed to slow down. She watched in horror as the nurse continued chest compressions, her best friend’s body rocking under the pressure.

"Charging to 300," the nurse called out again, preparing for another shock.

"Clear!"

Emma’s body jerked once more, and Sarah’s heart broke as she watched, praying for any sign of life.

For a moment, the room held its breath. The monitor stayed flat, the steady, haunting tone of the flatline filling the air.

Sarah sank to her knees outside the trauma room, her body shaking uncontrollably. Tears streamed down her face as she whispered, "Please, Emma… don’t leave me."

The trauma room was tense, the air thick with the weight of time slipping away. The clock on the wall showed that over 20 minutes had passed since Emma had gone into cardiac arrest. Sarah stood at the foot of the bed, her legs weak and trembling, watching helplessly as the team continued their relentless efforts. Her heart pounded in her chest, the sound of the flatline and the desperate compressions blurring into a nightmare she couldn't escape.

Emma’s body continued to shake violently under the nurse’s compressions. With every push, her chest caved in, her ribs flexing unnaturally. Sarah’s eyes were drawn to Emma’s bare chest, her breasts swaying with each compression, then jolting upwards as the defibrillator shocked her lifeless body. It was like watching a machine, Emma’s body responding to the mechanical force of resuscitation but with no spark of life behind it.

"Push another round of epi," the doctor ordered, his voice now carrying a harder edge, determination cutting through the exhaustion. He leaned over Emma, checking the monitors, then motioned for the nurse to prepare another shock.

"Charging to 360," the nurse called out.

"Clear!"

Emma’s body arched off the bed as the shock hit, her chest lifting sharply, her head lolling to the side as the electricity surged through her. Her feet jumped, and Sarah winced, her stomach twisting at the sight. But when Emma collapsed back onto the bed, the flatline persisted, the monotone beep droning on.

A charge nurse, her face lined with exhaustion and experience, stepped forward, glancing at the clock. "We’re beyond 20 minutes now," she said softly, though her voice held a note of finality. "We’ve done everything we can."

Sarah felt her heart drop, her eyes widening in shock. "No…" she whispered under her breath, her hands shaking. This couldn’t be it. Not now.

But before anyone could say more, the doctor raised his hand sharply. His eyes were fierce, his jaw set in defiance. "No. We’re not stopping." He looked down at Emma’s body, frustration tightening his features. "We should have caught this earlier. If we had… she wouldn’t be here right now. We’re going to keep going."

The charge nurse hesitated, glancing between the doctor and Emma, then gave a small nod, stepping back.

The nurse resumed compressions, driving her palms into Emma’s chest with renewed intensity. Sarah watched as Emma’s body shook with each push, her breasts trembling with the force, her ribs straining under the relentless pressure. The team worked in silence, the grim reality of the situation hanging over them like a cloud, but no one was willing to give up just yet.

"Come on, Emma," the doctor muttered under his breath as he prepared the defibrillator again. "We’re not losing you."

Another shock was delivered. Emma’s body jolted, her torso lifting off the bed once more, only to fall back down in a lifeless heap. The flatline continued its haunting wail, and the nurse immediately resumed compressions, her hands pressing deep into Emma’s chest, causing her body to rock with each life-saving attempt.

Sarah’s breath hitched as she clutched the edge of the bed, her knuckles white. Every part of her wanted to scream, to demand that Emma wake up, but all she could do was watch as the team fought to bring her back.

At the thirty-minute mark, the room was filled with the sounds of relentless CPR, the rhythmic thuds of compressions, and the beeping monitors. The desperation in the air was palpable as Sarah stood, frozen at the foot of the bed, watching Emma’s lifeless body move mechanically under the force of each compression. Her best friend—so full of life just hours ago—was now a pale, still figure on the trauma bed, her body convulsing only with the shocks and the desperate attempts to keep her heart beating.

"Let’s get a cardiac ultrasound," the doctor ordered, his voice sharp with urgency but laced with a grim undertone. He was still refusing to give up, but even Sarah could see the fatigue in his eyes, the way his hands trembled slightly as he signaled for the nurse to bring the equipment. He had been pushing hard, refusing to stop, but there was a tension in the room now—an understanding that they were running out of time.

As the ultrasound machine was wheeled in, the compressions were momentarily paused. The nurse removed her hands from Emma’s chest, and for the first time in what felt like an eternity, her body lay completely still. Her chest no longer rose and fell, her limbs were limp, and her face was slack. Sarah’s gaze drifted to Emma’s half-open eyes, staring blankly at the ceiling. They were lifeless, glassy, fixed in place, and dilated.

The doctor quickly applied the ultrasound probe to Emma’s chest, the cold gel smearing across her skin. The room fell into a tense silence, every eye watching the screen, hoping for a miracle—hoping to see something, anything, that would give them a reason to continue.

But the screen remained empty. There was no flicker of movement, no hint of cardiac activity. The dark, unmoving silhouette of Emma’s heart filled the screen, completely still, devoid of the pulsing that everyone had been praying for.

"She’s in asystole," the doctor said quietly, his voice flat, his eyes glued to the monitor as if willing it to change. He moved the probe around, checking again, hoping for some sign of life, but there was nothing.

Sarah’s breath caught in her throat, her knees buckling slightly as she held onto the bed rail for support. She had heard the word before—asystole, the absence of any electrical or mechanical activity in the heart. The flatline on the monitor had already told her, but seeing it confirmed with the ultrasound felt like a punch to the gut. Her friend was gone.

The charge nurse stepped forward, placing a gentle hand on the doctor’s shoulder. "Her pupils are fixed and dilated," she said softly, almost in a whisper. "There’s no response."

Sarah’s eyes filled with tears, her vision blurring as she watched Emma’s empty gaze stare upwards, unseeing. The pupils were wide, unmoving, a sure sign that her brain had stopped responding long ago.

The room went silent. The compressions ceased, the frantic energy dissipated, and all that remained was the cold, unrelenting truth. Emma was beyond saving.

The doctor stood up straight, removing the ultrasound probe and wiping his hands on his scrubs. He let out a long, slow breath, his shoulders slumping with defeat. "We’re calling it," he said quietly, turning to the team. "Time of death…"

But Sarah barely heard the rest. All she could focus on was Emma, lying so still, her body motionless after what felt like an eternity of fighting. The tears fell freely now, and Sarah collapsed against the bed, her hands clutching the sheet as she whispered, "Emma… no, please…"

The room began to empty, the trauma team stepping away one by one, their heads low, their faces grim. But Sarah remained, frozen in place, her world shattering around her as she realized the person she loved most in the world was gone.

[steddieas-shegoes]

Request:hard of hearing Steve who realizes that the party are doing their best to accommodate him by learning ASL, using subtitles, etc and he is overwhelmed with joy about that bc nobody else seems to be doing it. Robin, Jonathan, Nancy, Eddie, Argyle & Wayne go to ASL classes with Steve. And just being supported the whole time

MY LOVE! This one's a bit on the shorter side because the struggle is real with words today. I still feel like it gets the emotions across that Steve feels about the party loving him and supporting him, which is what's most important. That post-vacation depression is hitting me so so hard. Enjoy! - Mickala ❤️

----------------------------------------------

The hearing in his left ear went first. It wasn’t a slow and steady loss of hearing so much as one day he could hear fine, the next sounded like water was blocking it, and the next he couldn’t hear at all.

No doctor could explain what happened, and they’d assumed it was just a delayed reaction to the head trauma he’s experienced.

They recommended he prepare for hearing loss in his other ear.

They said it so casually, like it was fine and something easy to handle. Like he wasn’t panicking at the fact that he wouldn’t be able to hear anything.

He started learning sign language, late nights sitting with Robin as she worked through VHS tapes from the library with him and Eddie.

He didn’t tell anyone else at first, didn’t want to scare them or make them feel like they had to treat him differently.

But they noticed.

They saw the way he turned a certain way when they were talking, leaning his head subtly so his right ear was facing towards conversations.

They saw his hands moving in fluid patterns when he thought they weren’t looking. El was the one who pointed it out, her own limited experience with sign language just enough to figure out he was practicing basic sentences.

They saw how he kept touching his left ear, like if he touched it, maybe his hearing would come back.

So they went to Robin, all of them, begging her to teach them sign language, begging her to keep it a secret from him.

But even Robin didn’t really know much, and all she knew was self taught, so they struggled after a few lessons.

Eventually, Steve had to tell them.

He could tell some of his hearing in his right ear was going, though at least it was happening much slower.

He sat them all down, Eddie next to him holding his hand, Robin on the other side with an unreadable expression on her face.

And when they all already knew, he felt Eddie squeeze his hand, felt tears run down his cheeks without his permission as everyone surrounded him in a group hug.

Within a week, they all signed up for ASL classes in Indy, Eddie and Nancy driving everyone, everyone chipping in for gas even though Eddie offered to pay for it.

As if that wasn’t overwhelming enough, knowing his chosen family all loved him enough to learn an entire language just to be able to communicate with him, they all started figuring out subtitles for movie nights.

Dustin, Eddie, and Jeff figured out a system that let Steve feel the actual note changes of Eddie’s guitar instead of just the same vibrations through the whole song.

They kept a whiteboard in every room, called it Steve Sharades (“for the alliteration!”), and used it as a message board when they weren’t sure of the signs for certain words or phrases.

He was thankful for that when he woke up one morning to near silence.

Just a slight buzzing in his right ear.

When Eddie said good morning, he only knew because he read his lips.

He cried, he felt lost, scared, alone.

But only for a little while.

His family had been preparing for this, had taught themselves how to still give Steve as much of “normal” as they could.

That night was dinner with Wayne, who had been warned about this possibly happening, and probably got a warning from Eddie while Steve was in the shower earlier.

When they arrived at his trailer, he pulled Steve into a hug, arms tightening until he could barely breathe.

He could feel Wayne’s heartbeat against his chest, felt ihs hands on his back, wide and strong, holding him together.

When he pulled away, he started signing as he spoke so Steve could read his hands or his lips.

All okay, son?

Steve sobbed, but nodded.

Wayne had learned sign language, too.

Steve turned to Eddie to hug him, knew he was the one responsible for teaching Wayne secretly.

Steve told them both he loved them, showed them in every way he could, too.

Just like they showed him.

[silas-222]

Having a child in your late twenties seemed normal right? Yeah. Having a baby daddy that sadly missed the birth of his first child? God the guilt he feels for missing a majority of the pregnancy. Give the poor man a break. 

Simon 'Ghost' Riley was a military man with mountains and mountains of trauma on him, the first time he was told he was going to be a father, he felt like he was gonna breakdown. Not wanting to be like that abusive piece of shit, he swore he'd be better, starting a couple of self help exercises, reading a lot of baby books, he probably knew more about the pregnancy than you. 

But it's been a couple years since then. Giving birth to a beautiful baby girl, small complications that are now there for life and a little chunky, but still absolutely beautiful. Leslie Christina Riley was the name gifted to her. Your black hair, Simon's hazel/green eyes, and his small crooked nose. A perfect mix of the two of you.

As for right now, you were waiting for your daughter to exit out of her elementary gate, "mommy!!" "Baby!!" You both squealed before you picked her up and swung her around before kissing her head softly. "How was school hon?" You asked as your hand went to fix her hair as the other held her on your hip. 

"It was sooo good mommy!" She began to talk as your legs made way to the car where Simon was hiding from her, a surprise that he was home for her. "I got invited to a sleep over at Juliana's house, it's for Friday!" She told as she rested her head on your shoulder. 

A sleepover? Of course you've met Juliana's mother before but a sleepover at five and six year old? Not that big of a fan for this idea. "Mm I'll think about if you can go okay love?" You spoke softly. Not wanting to explain that there are bad people in the world, exposing your five year old to it. "Okay mommy." She muttered.

As you opened the back car door, she climbed in the car seat , buckled herself in, then grabbed her invite from Juliana's mother to hand it to you. 

"Rah!" Simon growled as he went to tickle her, immediate giggles leaving her mouth. "Wait... DADDY!" She screamed as she realized that it was her loving father. "Yeah, hi little love." He kissed her head. 

You got in the car and started driving, Simon staying in the backseat, listening to your daughter talk about school and the sleepover. 

20 minutes later

Having made it safely home, all three of you, including Riley were outside. Riley and Leslie were playing around in the backyard as you and Simon sat on the patio. "Soo her sleepover.. are you gonna let her go?" Simon asked as your eyes were trained on Leslie. "I don't know.. because I want her to go but what if something bad happens to her? She's five Si.. she doesn't know how to defend herself and she can't defend herself if she wanted to..!" You stressed.

When Leslie was born—she was a very weak baby, you were in the hospital for a month before you were finally let back home with your small baby. Fearing SIDS would take into place, you and Simon lost sleep over her. Thank whatever lord is above that it never happened.

"Hey.." Simon grabbed your hands and rubbed the back of your knuckles, "calm down... you can talk to her about it.." he pulled you into a hug as Leslie and Riley came running over. "Daddy! Mommy! Look at Riley! She so silly!" She giggled as she pointed at the German shepherd, mud covering her face along with—

"Riley! Did you get into my roses!?" You scolded the dog, looking at Simon, "that is your dog." You teased. 

"Yeah yeah, Riley no getting into the roses, mama's told you that." He scolded as Leslie sat infront of you. "Love, explain to her on what we were talking about okay?" He kissed your shoulder and Leslie's head as he picked up Riley with ease so he could go give her a bath. 

"Babydoll come here..." you said softly, grabbing Leslie's hand as she stood infront of you then climbed in your lap so you two were face to face. "You know how you got invited to Juliana's sleepover?" 

She nodded and hummed softly, "I know you wanna go but it's scary for mommy.." 

"Why?"

"Because mommy can't protect you there, you know how I always protect you and daddy protects all of us, even Riley protects and helps daddy when you and I can't be there with him."

"But mommy I'll be okay.. Juliana's mommy will protect me at there." She tried to convince you. 

"But baby what if someone comes in and takes you? You can go baby but it scares me, it scares daddy too. I know Juliana's mommy can help you but for us it's scary. We trust you so much mama but it's other people in the world." I tried to explain to her, frowning as I noticed her eyes tearing up. “Please don’t cry hon.. you can still go but I want you to know that sometimes you can’t go okay?” I wiped her chubby cheeks. 

Leslie nodded before she turned to Simon, “daddy are you gonna cry?” She asked him with a small tease. “Nah, too strong for that..” he teased her back, “just like you’re too small to have a boyfriend!” He playfully scolded her about the little boy who had a crush on her. 

[starniolosposts]

behind the fame (2)

part 1, part two

pairing: chris sturniolo x reader

summary: you are starting to drown in your life, from your job to your trauma— and don’t see a way out. then chris sturniolo comes into your life.

warnings: controlling, guilt tripping (none of this is from chris)

notes: do you guys like it? is there any constructive criticism you have? i just really hope its okay, its my first story. but i’m excited as well! (this is not proofread or edited)

your phones ring tone blares through the bathroom, making your hands pause as you wash your hair. you had just gotten back home from that uncomfortable lingerie shoot that you never wanted to do. you gulped at the thought of everyone seeing you in such a vulnerable and exposed state.

contemplating, you shook your head and let your phone ring. you were in the shower with shampoo in your hair, why could you get out to answer it?

after your shower, you did your entire routine before looking at your phone. your eyes widened slightly in shock, caydens name displayed multiple times on the screen. he tried to call you 5 times and then went on to text you 10 times.

guilt bubbled up in your stomach as you chewed on your nail. what should you say to make him less angry? his texts were very passive aggressive, some just complaining snd some degrading. though thus wasn’t unusual for him,

you sighed and reluctantly pressed the call button.

of course he picked up in a millisecond, his tone making you shrink in on yourself. even just his voice has that much power over you, and you hate yourself for it.

"y/n, why didn't you answer me? it could have been very urgent. do you not care about me or this job?" he asks harshly.

you shake your head even if he cant see you. "of course i care! i'm so sorry, i was in the shower. i didn't see any of your calls or texts until i was out of the shower." you say, trying to convince him to not blow up. you hear him heavily sigh before he speaks with a normal tone, making you sigh in relief.

"well, it wasn't something urgent so you're lucky. i cancelled the shoot at 7, instead i want you to go to an influencer event. we need to start getting you out to social media, it'll help your reach to people." he explains.

relief flows over you, your stomach grumbling happily from the knowledge that you could eat without worry of bloating for the shoot or cayden knowing. "i agree, that would be great."

"good. i'll send you the details. make sure you look good, show off skin and look extra pretty. influencers from every platform will be there, some with thousands of followers and some with millions and millions." cayden chuckled, taking joy in the fact that he knew he was making you anxious about it.

you bit the inside of your cheek before responding. "okay, i'll try my best."

cayden didn't say anything before he hung up, making you set your phone down with a small huff. you stared down at your floor in thought. you were going to meet some of the biggest/trendiest influencers of right now, and you were very nervous. social interaction never came easy to you, you were on the shyer and more introvert side, despite your job. now you would have to introduce yourself to important people, and you knew cayden would be breathing down your neck the whole entire night. he would kill you if you screwed this up.

you were not very excited to say the least.

you got up and searched in your fridge for something to eat, and thought on the bright side of thing, at least you didn't have to do that bikini shoot early tomorrow morning.

as you sat at your kitchen island, eating a bowl of cereal even if it was late at night, your phone dinged. you grumbled and picked it up, knowing it was cayden since no one else texted you. he had sent you the details for the event. it was tomorrow at 6 pm, at a really nice venue not to far from your apartment.

“remember, smile like you love them. they like to be appreciated and want to feel important. flirt if you have too, just make sure to give a good impression. have them remember you.” cayden directed, sipping on his whiskey in the back of the limo, you sitting next to him.

you gulped and nodded, taking a deep breath as you got closer to the venue. you looked down at tour outfit and felt goosebumps rise on your arms. it was freezing outside, but cayden had demanded you wear this revealing dress. it was black, sparkly, and tight, having a very low neckline to show off your breasts and a high slit going up to your mid-thigh.

“will you be staying at the event?” you asked, and your prayers were ignored as he nodded.

“yes. i’ll be watching over you, don’t worry.” he smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. you only nodded once again.

the venue was beautiful. you stepped out of the limo in awe, mouth agape as you looked around at the marvelous outside. you yelped as a cold hand pressed harshly on your lower back, guiding you to the entrance.

cayden leaned down to your ear, “be good.” his tone was a warning, dark and threatening.

bad shivers went down your spine and cayden himself just caused your stomach to churn. you wanted to lean away but stayed frozen, only your legs moving to walk inside the big entrance.

as you walked in the venue on shaky legs with cayden behind you, people started to whisper.

“is that y/n l/n? i didn’t know she would be here!”

“woah, a celebrity is here? why is she here?”

“dude, did you see her wearing that lingerie shit? i want to fuck her so bad, now i have the chance to talk to her.”

your chest heaved in panic, your eyes staring down at your feet as you swiftly made your way to and empty table. you sat down and rubbed your forehead, easing your anxiety and panic. you never did good with attention, especially when it was negative or weird. good attention you were fine with, it was nice to be noticed and appreciated sometimes. but you hated the creeps or the people who made fun of you just because you were you.

“y/n, calm down. people will talk, its not that big of a deal. your behavior right now is embarrassing and outrageous. do i need to remind you of what i said?” cayden leaned down to look you in the eye, raising an eyebrow.

you blinked and shook your head. “n-no. i’m fine, i’m fine.” you cleared your throat and shook up, shoving down tour nerves and feelings as you started to walk around. you felt better with cayden following you, as he decided to sit down at the empty table with his drink and phone, not paying attention to you at all. it felt nice, freeing.

others peoples eyes were on you, but you tried to pay them no mind. you bit your lip as you try and find someone who looked welcoming or inviting, but could find no one. everyone was already in their groups/cliques, and it made you feel awkward barging into their group.

your looking at your feet to not make eye contact with anyone, but accidentally bump into someone. you gasp and stumbled backwards to fall, but someone grabs your arm and steadies you. its the guy you bumped into, and you stare.

he stares as well, shock written in his blue eyes as he searches your face in recognition. he clears his throat and lets go of your arm, “are you okay?”

you can only blink up at him, and it makes him chuckle at your silence.

“did you hit your head or something?” he asks cheekily, then sticks his hand out with a grin. “i’ll properly introduce myself. i’m chris sturniolo.”

chris’ introduction is met with more silence, and he tilts his head in confusion. he knows you talk, as you have on tv and interviews he’s seen. he knows who you are, who doesn’t at this point? you’re y/n l/n, the famous young model who is climbing the ranks quickly. he wonders what your doing here, at a influencers event. you were way to famous to be here.

your throat is dry and your heart pumps for a different reason than anxiety. his hair flips as his head tilts, eyes staring into yours with an unreadable expression. you gulp and mindlessly nod in response to his introduction, shaking his hand.

chris’ lips twitch into a smirk as he lets your hand go, and he gets a feeling that you wont talk easily. were you too nervous? lost your voice? maybe you randomly decided to go mute? did you not like him and not want to speak to him? he shrugs in his mind before sighing, “alright, well it was nice to meet you. my brothers are waiting over there—”

“can i come with?”

chris blinks before a smirk reaches his mouth, feeling accomplished. he got you to talk, and he liked your voice. “sure, quiet girl.”

you huff a small laugh at the nickname and quickly follow after chris as he maneuvers his way through the crowd of people. he glances behind him and smiles, “i warn you, my brothers will freak when they see you. they are fans of you and love your work.”

blush tints your cheeks, still not used to having fans and people that admire you. you nod and wring your hands, nervous to start meeting new people.

“chris! where did you run off to?! i literally just met larray and i’m freaking out.” a voice that sounded similar to chris exclaims.

your slightly behind chris, but can see the two carbon copies of him. your eyes widen in surprise, they were triplets?

chris smirks, and his brothers know what that smirk means. “what did you do now?” one asks with exasperation.

“nothing, i just bumped into someone too.” he said nonchalantly, building it up, “her name is y/n l/n.” you took this as you were supposed to introduce yourself, so you stepped into their line of sight and smiled with embarrassment.

the one with the nose ring stared at you with his jaw dropped, and the other one that looked most like chris had his eyes wide open.

“oh holy mother of fuck, it really is her! its such a pleasure to meet you, i’m nick sturniolo and this is matt.”

you laugh and your eyes crinkle from how wide you smiled. you loved when people weren’t to serious, and didn’t caring about what others thought. you could tell nick didn’t care, and you wished you were like that. “i’m y/n l/n.”

“no shit. you’re a full blown celebrity. what the hell are you doing here?” nick asks, then receives a small glare from chris and matt. “i mean— i’m just wondering why you would grace these people with your presence when they don’t deserve it.”

your cheeks turn pink and you shrug. “manager said it would be good for me. and please, just treat me like a regular person.” you tried to joke.

nick chuckled nervously, “yeah, sorry about my fan-girling. ill stop now.”

“good, your squealing was getting annoying.” matt starts to poke fun, but it made your eyes widen. you didn’t have any siblings, so you weren’t very familiar with how their dynamics worked. you watched in confusion and wonder as they started to bicker. you caught on pretty quick that they didn’t mean any of it was were just doing it for fun and teasing.

“they do this all the time, ignore them. they fight the most out of all of us.” chris says, standing next to you with his arms crossed as he looked at his brothers.

you nodded and softly smiled. you liked them already, they seemed genuine and made you feel as ease without even saying anything and without you even knowing them. it made you drawn to them.

chris feels himself get nervous and get small butterflies in his stomach when he glances at you, which has never happened before. he gulps and blurts out, “how is the event going so far for you?”

you pull a face and tilt your hand back in forth in a ‘so-so’ motion. “alright. its not really my thing, social gatherings.”

chris nods and laughs, “me too, i hate these event things. nick forced me and matt to come.” he grumbles, glaring at them, who are still going back and forth.

“i understand.” you whisper, thinking back to how cayden forces you to do things too. your mind couldn’t help but think back on the words he said to you in the limo. ‘flirt if you have too.’ you shook your head with furrowed brows. you would never just flirt with someone to get their attention, absolutely not. the thought of flirting with someone you don’t like romantically makes you uncomfortable, but if cayden was watching, would he want you to flirt with the triplets? you glanced at chris subconsciously and your eyes scrutinized him carefully. you liked his style, his hair looked soft, his side profile was attractive, his eyes that were looking at you—

you quickly looked away and felt humiliation and embarrassment fill you. he caught you blatantly staring with blush on your cheeks, how could this get any worse?

“y/n.”

your muscles immediately tense and your breath hitches at the sound of caydens voice behind you. the underlining tone of anger made you want the ground to swallow you hole.

chris, nick, and matt all turned to look at cayden standing behind you, confused and cautious from your reaction. chris was most suspicious as he saw the dread fill your eyes the second you heard that voice, and he couldn’t help but think something was wrong.

cayden smiled at the triplets, but even they could tell it was strained. “nice to meet you, gentlemen. i’m y/n’s manager, cayden anderson.” he sets a hand on your forearm, shifting you closer to him. it felt like a jealous and territorial move, and it made your skin crawl with uncomfortableness.

you gulp and stare down at the floor, wishing for this interaction to be over with. cayden always brought awkwardness, tension, and a whole ball of negativity to anyone close or trying to be close with you. ironic, since he tells you to make connections and then gets jealous when you try to.

the triplets could obviously feel the tension by their silence.

nick is the first to break the awkward and tense silence. “yeah, nice to meet you too. i’m nick sturniolo, and this is chris and matt. we’re triplets.” he explains, trying to smile it off.

chris glances between you and cayden, and he knows its none of his business considering he only met you 5 minutes ago, but you seemed so obviously uncomfortable and anxious around your manager that it was hard to miss. “nice to meet you.” he says curtly, deciding very quickly he doesn’t like this cayden guy.

cayden stared at chris dead in the eye, feeling his dislike towards him. he is surprised when chris gives him a dirty look while scanning him up and down, since not many people are brave enough to do that to a well-known and famous modeling manager.

“well, i think tonight is enough for y/n. she has a early shoot tomorrow.” cayden pats your arm before squeezing, making you wince and nod silently in agreement.

chris bit his tongue, forcing himself not to say anything to that. it was only 6:30, 30 minutes into the event. he glanced at you, “alright, good luck on the shoot.” he smiles, making you blink before a small smile grows on your lips. you didn’t want to leave, you want to get to know the triplets more. but you knew that you couldn’t disobey cayden, especially not when he was in this mood.

“thanks.” you whisper, and then you are whisked away by cayden, not being able to say goodbye to tour new friends? acquaintances? you didn’t know, you didn’t have a lot if experience in the friend department, as sad as that sounds. your whole life had been modeling, and you were taught to make no friends in the industry.

“…was that weird, or is that just me?” matt speaks up, staring in the direction you were dragged off in.

nick nods and bites the inside of his cheek. “yeah, but she was really sweet and shy. i don’t like that guy though. crayon, or whatever the fuck his name was.” he grumbled.

chris sighed, ignoring the urge to go after you to… he doesn’t know. to get your number? ask you to stay? this was unlike him, being so unsure and anxious to talk to someone. usually he was fine with new people, making conversation easily, but with you its different and he doesn’t know why.

nick and matt glance at each other as chris was distracted, eyes staring off in the direction you were dragged off in with a sour look on his face.

“i wonder if he’s interested in her.” matt asks with a yawn. he is his triplet after all, he can tell when something like this happens.

nick sighs and rolls his eyes, “i’m pretty sure he’s already falling in love. he was quiet and he seemed nervous. you and i both know those are signs of a crush for chris.”

“i mean, she is y/n l/n. who doesn’t have a crush on her?” matt comments, scrolling on his phone mindlessly.

“true, i’m gay and i have a crush on her.”

@enyaslover

[tip-top-cloud-surfer]

The Forgotten Nest (Part 7) - Rooster

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw / Mitchell!OC (Cora)

Word Count: 5.2k

This work, all my works, and my entire blog are 18+ Only

Warnings: Past Unplanned Teenage Pregnancy; Angst; Absent Parental Figures; The 'He Didn't Know About the Pregnancy' Trope; Repeating Trauma Cycles; Crying; Named Mitchell Daughter OC (Cora) and Named Mitchell-Bradshaw Son (Nickie)

Summary: In the few days before the mission, Nickie has important conversations with his mom, his grandfather, and maybe even his estranged father.

A.N. There are references to a previous unplanned teenage pregnancy (between two eighteen-year-olds) in this fic. There won't be any flashback scenes to the pregnancy, but the references are still there, so if that makes you uncomfortable, please do not read.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 8 Epilogue

Master List

It was the day after Ice’s funeral and somehow the Mitchells had to go back to normal. Maverick reported for duty early, Cora went back to work as usual, and Nickie stayed late at school to make up some of the work that he missed. But it wasn’t back to normal. Not really.

Walking out of school, Nickie looked up to see his mom’s car roll around the corner of the school. A bit nervously, Nickie made his way over. They hadn’t talked last night about much of anything. Everyone sort of went in their separate directions and stewed in their own thoughts. And Nickie knew that his mom and his grandfather saw the wings that he pinned to his jacket.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Cora greeted him with a small smile. “How was school?”

“Long,” Nickie replied quietly, sinking into his seat. “How was work?”

“Same old, same old,” Cora stated as she put the car in drive.

They stared heading home, though Cora got tenser and tenser with every mile. Gripping the steering wheel tighter than normal, Cora stared at the stop light in front of them, before quickly putting her turn signal on and making a right. Nickie looked over at his mom with clear confusion, since this wasn’t the direction home. But Cora continued driving.

“Where are we going?” Nickie asked his mom, who shot him a small smile in return.

“You’ll see.”

Nickie leaned back in his seat, still confused, but trusting his mom. Cora eventually pulled down a winding road that ended in a parking lot. They could see the naval ships in the harbor and the planes overhead reminded Nickie that base wasn’t very far.

Wordlessly, Cora turned off the car and stepped out, causing Nickie to do the same. Cora walked down the path, made her way down to a bench, and sat down on the worn wood. She patted the spot next to her and Nickie sat down without much of a fuss, though he felt a rock settle in his stomach when he caught his mom’s expression.

“Mom, I can explain . . .” Nickie started off softly.

“Do you remember all the times that I would bring you out here when you were little to watch the ships?” Cora asked, staring over at the ships docked in port. “You would just sit out here for hours, endlessly entertained.”

“Mom?” Nickie asked, looking over at her with some concern.

“Or all of the times that your grandfather brought you to the museum in town? He had to run after you once because you wanted to touch the plane and you just slipped under the ropes,” Cora mused, smiling at the memories. “You know, I think if your grandfather’s face wasn’t in some of those photos in the museum, the security guard would have been a lot meaner to him.”

“Mom?” Nickie repeated, softer this time.

Sobering, Cora took a breath before turning to her son. Nickie could see a thin layer of tears in her eyes, but didn’t comment on it. Mostly because he could feel some building behind his own eyes. Cora smiled painfully and cupped her son’s cheek, rubbing her thumb along his skin.

“What I’m trying to say, Nickie, is that part of me always knew that you could someday end up in the Navy,” Cora began, dropping her hand down to grab Nickie’s hand and give it a squeeze. “I mean, all of your father figures were aviators. You grew up in a Navy town. Your grandfather always brought you to the airshows and told you all about his stories.”

She dropped her head for a moment, trying to compose herself. Biting the inside of her cheek, Cora turned back to Nickie with a small smile.

“I know that you probably think that I’m going to tell you that you can’t go. But I’m not.”

“Really?” Nickie asked, sounding shocked. “But, Mom, you wouldn’t even let me on a trampoline growing up.”

“And I stick by that,” Cora stated firmly. “Do you know how many kids come in with broken bones—never mind. That’s not why I brought you here.” Composing herself, Cora let out a breath and turned back to her son. “Answer a few questions for me, Nickie. Do you want to go into the Navy?”

“Yes,” Nickie replied quietly, without much confidence in his mom’s presence.

“More than you want any other career path?”

“Yes,” Nickie returned with more confidence than before.

“And will going into the Navy make you happy?”

“I think so.”

“And do you have a backup plan in case you can’t become a naval aviator for whatever reason?”

“Well, I know that I want to do something mechanical. I mean, Gramps had me working on cars and bikes for my entire life . . . it’s what I know. It’s what I feel comfortable with and what I want to do,” Nickie explained, causing Cora to nod slowly. Nickie scooched a little closer to his mom, still surprised at her words. “You’re really okay with me going into the Navy?”

“In all honesty, I’m not thrilled, Nickie,” Cora stated, causing Nickie’s expression to fall a bit. “If I had it my way, you would go into business or something where the most dangerous part of your day was getting to and from work.”

Cora’s gaze softened again when Nickie turned away from her, a bit shy. Grabbing Nickie’s chin gently and tilting it up so that Nickie locked eyes with her again, Cora smiled.

“But it’s not my life, Nickie. It’s yours. And I can’t—I don’t want to be that parent who stands in the way of their child’s dreams because they’re too scared of what could happen or they’re too afraid to let go. I don’t want to be that kind of mom.”

Turning to face her son fully, Cora grabbed his hands and gave them a squeeze.

“All I have ever wanted for you, Nickie, was for you to be happy. For you to not have to worry about the things that I had to worry about when I was your age. I wanted you to be able to live your life without my past or your grandfather’s past or . . . anyone else’s past holding you back.”

“Like how it happened for Bradley?” Nickie asked, causing Cora to pause for a moment.

“Yeah,” she agreed quietly. “Like that.”

Cora slowly turned to look at the back of the bench. Nickie followed his mom’s gaze and paused when he noticed the plaque in the middle of the wood. It was small and not very noticeable, but there was a plaque that read a simple message:

In memory of LTJG Nicholas “Goose” Bradshaw

“That’s the thing about becoming a parent. You look back at your childhood and you try to make choices to give your kids an easier life than the one you had. But sometimes you overcorrect. And sometimes you didn’t see the problem in the first place until it smacks you in the face all over again.”

“Mom, planes have come a long way since 1986,” Nickie pointed out, causing Cora to turn back to him. “Safety wise.”

“Oh, I know, sweetheart. I wasn’t talking about that.” Looking down at her lap for a moment, Cora took a breath. “Your father. Bradley. He always felt like he had to prove himself to the memory of his dad. And he made a lot of decisions trying to impress someone who was gone and who would have loved him regardless of any of those choices.”

Cora stared into her son’s eyes as she squeezed his hands.

“And I want to make sure that if you go into the Navy, you’re doing it for yourself. Not for Maverick. Not for Ice. Not for me . . . and definitely not to prove anything to Rooster.” Cora held her son’s gaze for a moment before adding, “I want you to do it for yourself, Nickie. Do you understand me?”

“I do, Mom.”

“Good.”

With a watery gaze, Cora pulled her son in for a hug that he quickly returned. Latching onto his mom like he was a little kid again, Nickie let a few tears dribble down from his eyes and onto her scrubs. Cora rocked her son back and forth, holding a hand to the back of his head like she did when he was a baby and she was trying to soothe him in the middle of the night.

“I thought that you’d be mad,” Nickie whispered out shakily, causing Cora to shake her head. “Or disappointed in me.”

“Nickie, I could never be disappointed in you,” Cora stated, squeezing him tighter. “You’re my baby. And you’re smart, you’re kind. You’re the kid who always got praise from all of his teachers for standing up for other kids and inviting everyone to play.” Letting out a choked sound herself, Cora tugged him closer. “I’m so proud of you, Nickie. And I’ll always be proud of you. And if I ever made you feel like you couldn’t be honest with me about this, I’m sorry, Nickie. I’m so sorry.”

“I know that you just wanted me to be safe, Mom,” Nickie croaked out emotionally.

“You’re a Mitchell. We’re not the safest bunch,” Cora blurted out, causing Nickie to laugh with her. Pulling back from the hug, Cora wiped Nickie’s tears away with her hand. “I love you, Nickie. Okay? And nothing will ever change that.”

“I know, Mom. I love you too.”

~~~~~

“I told you that you were worrying over nothing,” Amelia told Nickie as they sat out in the backyard of the Benjamin house.

“I know,” Nickie replied, shooting Amelia a small smile. “I should probably listen to you more often.”

“At least you realize it.” They sat side by side, watching the waves crash before Amelia slowly turned back to Nickie with a more serious expression. “Do you know when they ship out?”

“Any day now, I would assume,” Nickie stated, shrugging his shoulders. “We’ll probably only know the night before.”

“Have you talked to Mav yet about the Navy?”

“No, but I will. Before he leaves,” Nickie answered, nodding to himself.

“Are you going to try to talk to . . .” Amelia trailed off, causing Nickie to look at the ground.

“I don’t know,” Nickie replied honestly. “I feel like I should, but . . . he’s still the bastard who abandoned us. Should I really give him a chance?”

“I don’t know,” Amelia stated, shrugging her shoulders. Turning to look out over the waves, Amelia gripped the edge of the bench. “I know that I stopped giving my dad chances a long time ago.” She slowly looked over at Nickie, who was still staring at the ground. “But knowing you, you’re going to beat yourself up if something happens on this mission and you never talked to him.”

“And what if nothing happens and I gave him a chance that he didn’t deserve?”

“Then you can tell him to fuck off when he gets back,” Amelia replied bluntly. Turning back to Nickie, Amelia shoved him lightly on the shoulder. “Isn’t the whole Mitchell mantra about not thinking? Why are you overthinking this? Do you want to talk to him or not?”

“I want answers,” Nickie stated quietly, causing Amelia to nod.

“And where are you going to get them?”

“Him,” Nickie added lamely. Letting out a groan, Nickie rubbed his face tiredly. “Goddammit.”

~~~~~

After the orders were given that they would be shipping out the following morning, the Daggers seemed to scatter to the wind. Those with families spent their last night on FaceTime or in town with them. Some just wanted their solitude and peace to center themselves.

And Rooster didn’t have a plan. He was just going to wander, quite honestly. Until life moved in a direction for him.

“Rooster,” Hondo called, causing Rooster to slow and turn to face the warrant officer.

Holding out a piece of paper, Hondo stared Rooster down and motioned for him to take the paper. Rooster tentatively reached out and took it to find a location and time written down.

“It’s top-secret correspondence,” Hondo stated, causing Rooster to turn back to him.

“From who?”

“An unnamed source,” Hondo replied stiffly. “Just . . . don’t fuck it up.”

And without another word, Hondo turned on his heel and walked off, leaving Rooster standing there with just a piece of paper in his hand. Staring down at it again, Rooster slowly folded it up and tucked it into the pocket of his flight suit before heading for the locker room. He had a guess as to who would try to get a message to him through Hondo.

And he desperately wanted to speak with her.

~~~~~

Pulling into the lot just down the beach from the Hard Deck, Rooster turned off his car and stepped out into the warm Miramar air. Dressed in his civilian clothes, Rooster looked around for Cora, but the figure who got out of their car and turned to him was too tall to be Cora.

It was Nickie, Rooster realized, after the teenager stepped forward.

The father and son stood several feet apart, neither seemingly wanting to make the first move. Bradley was still in shock that Nickie wanted to even look at him and Nickie was still summoning all of his courage to ask the questions that had been hammering around in his head for his entire life.

“You came,” was what Nickie started off with.

“I did,” Rooster replied quietly, shutting the door to his car. Looking up and down the landscape, Rooster turned back to Nickie. “Does your mom know that you’re here?”

“No,” Nickie stated honestly. He tilted his chin up a bit, almost challenging Rooster. “Are you going to tell on me?”

“No,” Rooster replied, shaking his head.

Nickie stared up at Rooster for a moment, clenching and unclenching his fists as he shifted his weight around on his feet. Letting out a breath, Nickie turned back to his father with a hardened expression that made Rooster more than a little nervous.

“Why did you never come back? Why did you never read any of her letters?” Nickie demanded with his voice thick with emotion. “Why the hell did you turn your back on my mom and never look back? What the hell did she do to you?”

“Nothing,” Rooster stated after a few moments of silence.

“Then why did you do it?” Nickie hissed, glaring over at Rooster.

“Because I was . . . am an idiot,” Rooster replied quietly, knowing that excuses weren’t going to do him any good here. Looking down at the ground for a moment, Rooster tried to find the right words. “And I . . . I was worried that she would slam the door in my face if I showed up again.”

“So, you just did it to her then?” Nickie scoffed, his jaw ticking with thinly veiled annoyance. Shaking his head as the anger simmered in his stomach, Nickie took a step closer to Rooster. “Do you have any idea of what you put her through? Do you think it was easy for her to raise me as a single mom? Do you think that she wanted that?”

“No,” Rooster returned, shaking his head calmly. Clearing his throat, Rooster rubbed the back of his neck. “My mom . . . your grandmother . . . she was a single mom for most of my life. I know it’s not easy. I know it’s not the life that most people choose to have.”

“That makes it worse,” Nickie scoffed, shooting Rooster a sharper glare.

“Do you know about her? About . . . your grandmother?” Rooster asked quietly after a few moments, causing Nickie to pause with the change in conversation.  

“Of course, I do. The only person that my mom ever hid from me was you,” Nickie all but snapped, causing Rooster to wince. Letting out a breath from his nose, Nickie looked at the ground as some of the anger left his body. Kicking a rock, Nickie kept his gaze down and his voice level. “I grew up on her recipes. On . . . my grandmother’s recipes.”

“Even the birthday surprise cake?” Bradley questioned emotionally.

“Every year,” Nickie returned, some more anger leaving his system. “Until I was like thirteen.”

“She used to make those cakes for your mom and for me. For our birthdays,” Bradley replied, sounding like he was talking more to himself than Nickie for a moment. Bradley stared down at the ground, taking a breath to calm himself down. “You know, I was about your age when . . . when she died.”

“My mom told me,” Nickie responded softly, swallowing a lump in his throat.

Ice had only been gone for a few days and sometimes Nickie had to remind himself that he was never going to get a text from Ice asking for him to come over. Not anymore. Turning back to his dad, Nickie set his jaw and let out a quiet sniffle.

“Fuck cancer,” Nickie stated, causing Rooster to pick his head up.

“Fuck cancer,” Rooster returned, nodding firmly. He looked out over at the waves over Nickie’s shoulder for a moment, leaning back against the Bronco for support. “You know, if she was still here, she would have been the grandmother to never leave you alone. The kind to make sure that you left her house five pounds heavier than you came. She’d go to all your sports games and events. Hell, she probably would have driven your mom just a little crazy, sticking around so much.”

And for a moment, though he couldn’t believe it, Nickie was sympathizing with Rooster. He actually felt bad for the guy. Because for the three seconds that he put himself into Bradley’s shoes—losing his mom at sixteen—Nickie barely survived it without bursting into uncontrolled sobs.

He loved his mom. He’d do anything for his mom. He was a mama’s boy. And he couldn’t picture his life without his mom.

Coming out of the emotional fog, Rooster turned and opened the door to the Bronco, causing Nickie to pick his head up. Rifling around in the glove compartment, Rooster pulled out a simple gold chain. It was a necklace that his mom used to wear all the time that he kept close to him to remember her. And the simple ‘B’ that hung from the chain was still there all these years later.

“This was hers,” Rooster explained, holding it out to Nickie.

A bit cautious, Nickie walked over and slowly took the necklace from Rooster’s outstretched hand. Studying the chain, Nickie glanced down at the ‘B’ pendant before looking back up at Rooster, who seemed to be waiting expectantly for him to speak.

“Is the ‘B’ for Bradley?”

“It’s for Bradshaw,” Rooster replied softly, smiling a bit painfully. “My dad . . . your grandfather . . . he gave it to her when they first started dating.” Rooster shoved his hands into his pockets, just watching Nickie study the necklace for a moment. “Less than two years later, I was born.”

“My mom showed me the pictures of their wedding,” Nickie returned, rubbing the metal with his thumb. “I guess that young, unplanned pregnancies just run in my family.”

“Both sides,” Rooster agreed, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “Try to break that streak. Please.”

“Gramps already gave me the shovel talk about it about fifteen times over,” Nickie replied with a dash of amusement in his tone. “And my mom too.”

Running his thumb over the thin gold chain again, Nickie picked up his head and held out the necklace for Bradley to take back. But Bradley shook his head and held up a hand to stop him.

“Keep it.”

Nickie looked a bit taken aback for a moment before he glanced down at the chain in his hand. Slowly wrapping it around his wrist to keep it safe, Nickie turned back to Bradley.

“You know, we’re never going to have a relationship unless you make it up to my mom,” Nickie stated firmly, leaving no room for argument.

“I know. I understand that,” Rooster replied, nodding along to show that he understood. “I would have been the same way.” Rooster looked away for a moment before turning back to Nickie. “You know, I suggested it to your mom but . . . my mom left me some money. And I know that you’re going to college soon and everything—”

“—I don’t need it,” Nickie interjected, knowing where Bradley was going with it.

“College is expensive and I’m sure that you’re smart but—”

“—I don’t need it,” Nickie repeated, a bit more firmly.

“Are you not going to college?” Rooster asked, trying not to frown but failing anyways.

“No, I’m going to college,” Nickie sassed back, straightening up under Rooster’s frown. “I just don’t want to go to a . . . traditional college."

"Traditional . . ." Rooster trailed off, confused for a moment, before it finally clicked in his mind. Staring at Nickie incredulously, Rooster tried to put his words together despite his shock. “You . . . you want to be a . . . a naval aviator?”

“If they’ll take me,” Nickie replied, nodding firmly.

“Does your mom know?” Bradley asked, causing Nickie to grow a bit defensive.

“Yes.”

“Does Mav know?”

“. . . Yes,” Nickie lied straight through his teeth, causing Rooster to sigh and rub his face.

Well, Nickie got Cora’s inability to lie, that was for sure. He even shrugged his shoulders the same way that Cora did when she tried to lie.

Shifting his weight on his feet, Nickie turned back to Rooster with a slightly skittish appearance. That fear that he had carried around for months, ever since he decided that he really did want to go on and be a naval aviator, crept up again. And even though he talked it out with his mom, he hadn’t yet managed to find the courage to talk to his grandfather about it.

“Did he . . . did he really pull your papers?”

“Yeah, he did,” Bradley sighed, turning back to his son.

Nickie nodded and looked away, his shifting stature giving away how nervous he was feeling. Rooster took in Nickie’s anxiety and swallowed his pride and about sixteen years’ worth of resentment against Maverick before he cleared his throat. Nickie turned back to him, clearly apprehensive, but curious to hear what he had to say nonetheless.

“Mav told me that he regretted it. Of course, that doesn’t change what’s happened . . .” Rooster trailed off, letting a breath out from his nose. Nickie looked up at Rooster, waiting for him to finish his thought. “But it changes what’ll happen down the line.”

Nickie nodded slowly, looking down at the ground again. Staring at his grandmother’s necklace, Nickie turned back to Rooster. He straightened up, trying to look bigger, but he was really just a bean pole at his age, like Bradley was.

“When you get back . . . we can talk. After you apologize to my mom. And my grandfather too.”

Rooster nodded to show that he agreed with Nickie’s terms before Nickie slowly backed up and slipped into his car. Rooster watched Nickie drive off into the night before slowly slipping into his own car. Staring at the steering wheel for a moment, Rooster slowly lowered his head into his hands and let a few tears loose.

~~~~~

Nickie walked around back, having rolled into the driveway sneakily to avoid his mom or grandfather seeing him. Climbing up the side of the house, Nickie reached his window that he left cracked open. Pushing it up more, Nickie started to shimmy into his bedroom when he spotted his grandfather sitting on his bed with an unimpressed expression on his face.

“Hey, Gramps,” Nickie laughed off, trying to appear casual, though him stumbling in through his window definitely didn’t help that. “Just dropped something and thought that it was easier to go out the window than . . .” Nickie trailed off for a moment when he caught his grandfather’s expression. “Is there any excuse that I could use that you would believe?”

“Where did you go?” Maverick asked, getting to the point.

“Uh . . .”

“What’s on your wrist?” Maverick asked, pointing at Nickie’s left wrist.

“Nothing, just a—”

“—Is that Carole’s?” Maverick interjected, easily recognizing the piece of jewelry. Slowly turning to look up at Nickie, Maverick slowly stood up from his bed. “You went to see Bradley?”

“Yeah . . . I did,” Nickie agreed, nodding slowly, staring down at the necklace. “He gave it to me.”

“And . . . how did the rest of your talk go?” Maverick questioned, concerned.

“Well, I didn’t tell him to ‘fuck off’,” Nickie reported, causing Maverick to sigh. “We talked. Mostly about Carole, actually.”

“Bradley was a mama’s boy,” Maverick recounted, nodding sadly. “Not unlike you.”

Nickie nodded as well, staring down at the chain on his wrist for a moment. Slowly unclipping it, he unwrapped the necklace carefully. Nickie reached for the gum tin that he got from Ice and slowly opened it, setting the necklace inside with Goose’s dog tags and Ice’s wings. But the action only reminded him of the conversation he was trying to avoid with his grandfather.

“Your mom told me,” Maverick stated, causing Nickie to turn to him quickly. “Well, she didn’t fully tell me. I just asked her why she looked like she had been crying for a while and put the pieces together from there.”

“She doesn’t want me to go into the Navy,” Nickie replied softly.

“No, she doesn’t. But she doesn’t want to stand in the way of your dreams more,” Maverick returned without a second thought.

Nickie nodded and set the gum tin on his nightstand again. Maverick studied Nickie’s expression for a moment before looking over at the pictures that Nickie had hung up. The one of Goose and Carole caught his eye before he turned back to his grandson, the boy that he practically raised as his own son, as he had done with Nickie’s own father before him.

“And neither do I, Nickie.”

Nickie whipped around to face his grandfather, still a bit apprehensive, though there was that hope budding behind his brown eyes. Maverick managed a smile and nodded to show that he wasn’t lying, which caused Nickie to turn around completely.

“You’re not just saying that because you want me to feel better, right?”

“No, I’m not,” Maverick stated, a bit more firmly. “Though, I do want to be honest with you, Nickie.”

Maverick motioned for Nickie to sit down on the edge of his bed and the two Mitchells sat together for perhaps the final time. Maverick turned to Nickie with a serious expression.

“The whole process . . . it’s not sunshine and daises. And I’m sure that you have your eye on the Academy, and I don’t fault you for that. But I want you to prepare for the reality that politics plays a bigger role in the process than anyone wants to talk about. They kept me out of the Academy because of my dad. And, honestly, I’m worried that they’ll keep you out because of me.”

“I know,” Nickie replied quietly. “Ice warned me.”

“Of course, he did,” Maverick sighed, rubbing his chin.

“I looked into other options. If I can’t get into the Academy, I’ll just try NROTC or OCS. I could even stay in San Diego if I really wanted to do that,” Nickie stated, causing Maverick to nod. “And I mean, even if I can’t become an aviator, I’ll just do my time, get my college degree paid for, and figure it out from there. Maybe I’d become a civilian pilot like you tried to push me to do.”

“Well, you’re a Mitchell. Being in the sky . . . that’s your birth right one way or another,” Maverick stated, smiling a bit painfully. “But I am really glad that you thought through this a bit more. I didn’t want you to get stuck like . . . like Bradley.”

“Why did you pull his papers anyways?” Nickie asked softly, causing Maverick to pause. “I mean, you encouraged me to fly my whole life. Maybe not for the Navy, but you had me up in planes with you since as far back as I could remember. Why would you try and stop Bradley from doing that?”

“My decisions with Bradley . . . your dad . . . I made those decisions because I thought that I was doing the right thing. I thought that I was protecting the son of my best friends. But all I did was end up pushing him away and making him think that I didn’t believe in him at all.”

Maverick looked down at the ground for a moment, before turning back to Nickie.

“And, you know, part of me mixed up Bradley and Goose in my head. And I let what happened to Goose hold Bradley back. I didn’t want him to end up like Goose because I wouldn’t have survived that. But that wasn’t fair to Bradley.” Maverick rubbed his cheek slowly. “You know, they look so damn similar that I just acted on instinct alone.”

“Goose had strong genes,” Nickie remarked, causing Maverick to laugh.

“Yes, he does. He’d be very proud of himself for it too.” Letting out another chuckle and rubbing his chin, Maverick turned back to Nickie. “You know, if he was still here, he would have been bragging to me and anyone who would listen about which side of your family you looked more like. His side, of course. God, he would have held it over my head forever.”

Nickie nodded along and looked at the photo that he hung up on the wall. One of Goose and Carole from before they were even married. They couldn’t have been much older than he was now Nickie realized with a small smidge of dread.

“I wish I got to meet them,” Nickie spoke softly, causing Maverick to slowly tear up.

“Yeah, I wish that you did too, Nickie. Every single day,” Maverick breathed out, forcing a watery smile.

“When do you ship out?” Nickie asked, trying to change the subject to avoid his own tears.

“Tomorrow morning,” Maverick stated, causing Nickie to whip around to face him.

“Tomorrow?” Nickie breathed out, his stomach immediately knotting.

“Affirmative,” Maverick stated, trying to force a smile again. “Don’t worry. Everything will be okay.”

“I know,” Nickie stated softly, not looking entirely convinced.

Slowly, Maverick pulled Nickie in for a tight hug. Nickie returned the hug and tucked his chin against his grandfather’s shoulder. Maverick patted his curled fist against Nickie’s back, forcing himself to not give away the fact that he felt in his gut that this would be the last night that he saw his grandson. Taking a breath, Maverick released Nickie.

“Come on. Let’s join your mom downstairs.”

A.N. Final “main” part will be out either Wednesday or Thursday. And then the epilogue maybe sometime next week.

If you like AUs, don’t forget to vote on the poll that I made last week!

Tags: @xoxabs88xox @eternallyvenus @mygyn @kmc1989 @thegoddessc @midnightmagpiemama @badasspizzalover @praline357 @oatmealisweird @a-court-of-roscoe-and-baby

@abaker74 @avengersfan25 @yogabigooby @daisydaisygoose @sgt-barnesveins @angelbabyange @percysaidnever @artemissunn @indiestrashfire @kidd3ath @luv4kani @lt-spork @brooke-stinson

(If I forgot you in the tags, don’t be afraid to ask again because I’m definitely scatterbrained when it comes to that but please have a reference to your age somewhere on your blog (bio, pinned post) or just message me!)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 8 Epilogue

[bilightningwhumper]

@ailesswhumptober 2024- Day 24

Trauma Thursday: Deconditioning, relapse, “It’s normal that you need more time.”

<<Previous . My AI-less Whumptober 2024 Masterlist . Next>>

Plight of the Canary (Mare's story) Masterlist --- SoaS Series Masterlist

Summary:

Excerpt for "Plight of the Canary" (Mare's story) Mare and Steve have a heart-to-heart

Notes:

Characters: Mare- Bucky and Natasha's daughter, Will's twin Steve Rogers Jamie (mentioned)- Steve and Peggy's daughter Bucky Barnes (mentioned) Will (mentioned)- Bucky and Nat's son, Mare's twin Warnings: implied eating disorder for female whumpee, self-isolation

Ao3 link

Word count: 529

Mare PoV

Slamming her fist into the punching bag, Mare didn’t give herself a chance to breathe, to recover, to think. She just kept swinging and swinging. Any pain she felt had dulled, the strain of the metal attached to her joints barely noticeable anymore. She didn’t want to feel right now.

“Mare, stop. Stop!”

Her body responded to the alpha command before she could react any other way. She fell back into the gym mat, panting hard, gasping through lungs that screamed, a throat that scratched.

Steve came into her field of view, kneeling next to her. He helped her sit up and offered a water bottle.

She drank eagerly, muscles trembling and spasming. How long had she been down here? The hand rubbing up and down her back helped a little bit. Her body was still too wired to relax fully.

“You missed dinner.” His voice was scolding and concerned at the same time. Which still didn’t make sense to her. “That’s the third time this week. So far.”

Squirming uncomfortably, she mumbled. “M’ not hungry.” A protest immediately opposed by her stomach interrupting her with a large growl.

An arm wrapped around her shoulders as he sat down next to her. “Kid, it’s normal that you need more time. This is a big change in dynamics from what you’re used to. You don’t have to come join family dinners, not yet. You just need to eat something instead of hiding away in your room or down here.”

Tears pricked in her eyes as she kept them fixed on the ground. How did she explain that this was easier? That she didn’t have to earn anything if she just chose not to eat?

“Bucky went through the same thing, you know. So did all of your siblings. Jamie still has issues that haven’t gone away and probably never will. And Nat’s told me about how she had to adjust after Clint got her out of the Red Room.” He hugged her closer. “You’re not alone. And I know I’m not technically your dad, but I’m here for you too and it kills me to see you hurting like this.”

There was a crinkling sound and a zip-lock bag of small muffins came into her view.

“Bucky and Jamie made some things for the week. They held these to the side since Jamie said they’re your favorite. She also said that if you don’t eat them, she’ll make you eat them herself.”

Hesitantly, she took the bag. Opening it, she smelled apple and cinnamon immediately. Maybe if she just ate one, that would be enough? Or maybe two?

She must’ve been more hungry than she thought because before she knew it, the bag was empty.

Steve got up, offering her a hand. “Come on. There are leftovers upstairs free for the taking and I think Will was planning on pulling you into his den for the night before Bucky has a chance to wrangle you into our nest.”

She nodded, silently relieved that she hadn’t been scolded for eating something she hadn’t deserved. Besides, the idea of not having to spend the night alone did make her feel better, too.

SoaS Taglist:

No one so far

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Horizon (Chapter 2)

series masterlist

faerieprince!san x oc

royal/fantasy au, soulmate au

chapter wc: ~20k

chapter warnings: fluff, angst, tragedy, violence warnings, mention of death/su!cide, past traumas, a lot of atz interactions

chapter synopsis: gaeul grows closer with san, wooyoung and jongho and they go for a little retreat. when hongjoong, yunho, yeosang and mingi reach wooyoung's castle and meet gaeul, they learn that kieran might have targeted gaeul because of her prestiged bloodline, though they are not sure why. they also learn that san is the only one immune to gaeul's magic. hongjoong tries probing into her magic but things go south. yena and seonghwa's arrival saves the day and after matching facts, they decide to travel to ascella- gaeul's hometown- to get answers.

manager-nim: @eightmakesonebraincell (shared her brains with me until we realised we're sharing the same braincell)

Getting someone’s memory back was way easier when it was blocked than this amnesia thing Gaeul had going on, San realised. With Yena’s block, all he had to do was lace his magic with hers and voila. But with Gaeul…

“I’m sorry if I end up rupturing your eardrums because of my screams,” Gaeul grimaced before she sat down on the grass cross-legged in front of San, extending her hands. “Someone has been kind enough to tell me that’s exactly what’ll happen.”

The two immediately looked at Wooyoung who was sitting at the nearby bench with Jongho. He gave them a thumbs-down and San shook his head, telling her it was okay and then taking Gaeul’s hand-

There it was. The slight shock the two would get whenever they would so much as touch each other. Gaeul’s brows wrinkled in confusion. “What’s this mini-electric shock I get everytime we touch?”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” San gave her a half-smile. Now it was Gaeul’s heart that got the mini-shock and she did not need to ask anyone what it was- she knew. San was just so incredibly handsome and every time he smiled at her or looked at her with soft eyes, her heart melted.

This is not good, Gaeul told herself. He’s a Prince. You’re nobody.

“I’m going to slowly let my magic in,” San explained, locking eyes with her, finding the silver in her eyes shine in the sunlight. “And this time, I’m not trying to provoke your magic. I’m going for the memories. So relax, and let me in.”

“Okay,” Gaeul cleared her throat, nodding. “I’m ready. But if I feel like you’re in danger, I’m letting go of your hands. I don’t want anything to happen to you-”

“Nothing’s going to happen,” San assured her with a squeeze of his hands. “I’ll let go myself if I feel it, I promise, okay?”

“Okay,” Gaeul smiled, satisfied, and San shut his eyes close, Gaeul following soon after.

San let his magic in, and he could see it then- nothing about her magic was normal. The black magic that glowed silver… it wasn’t like a thread or coil intertwined in her brain like every other faerie’s. It was moving as if it was an entity of its own. San wondered if this was like possession- her magic was parasitic in nature. San’s thread of magic avoided touching hers and he reached the core-

Just like Yena’s block to her memories, Gaeul’s was sealed off too. He could not access it without the risk of dying. Perhaps… Hongjoong’s light magic could win against this. Or Seonghwa’s dark magic could pass undetected.

So San decided to do something else- he roamed around in her mind to confirm whatever memories she freely had were real. He wondered if he should warn her because he was practically invading her privacy, but it was too early to say she was a friend and not an enemy. So he went around and saw images of who Gaeul used to be when she was young and had longer, beautifully flowing hair, how she played around on the beach most of the days, how sometimes she would hide in a cave near her home when she missed her parents. 

And then he felt something tug at his magic- he turned to look at the memory that bugged Gaeul the most-

Her death.

San saw her face, surprised to find that her eyes had no trace of silver in them. And then he turned to look at the person who had killed her-

Kieran. The face he wore when he pretended to be Jinki- Seonghwa’s Right Hand man. 

Why did he kill her? San looked around- they seemed to be somewhere near Rukbat. He watched the memory flow- Kieran had killed her with his magic alone, and then he bent down to watch Gaeul’s soul leave her body- his eyes glowed and he smiled devilishly as he whispered something in her ear, making her sob loudly.

So she had indeed died. The memories of when she came back to life, when she was not herself… he had seen flashes of them the other day. Just what had Kieran told her before she died? Was she hiding it on purpose? Whatever it was, San was sure it was something very vital to understanding just what was going on-

San let out a pained groan as he felt Gaeul’s magic stab his magic and she immediately snatched her hands away, gasping for breath, her forehead beaded with sweat. “I’m sorry, I tried to hold back-”

“It’s okay,” San winced but he was fine. He patted her arm. “It’s okay. I couldn’t access your memories, but… I saw some of your other memories.”

“I know,” Gaeul nodded. “I could see them too.”

San pursed his lips. “Do you remember what Kieran whispered in your ear before you… died?”

“Not at all,” Gaeul looked helpless and San knew she spoke the truth. “That’s what I keep trying to recall, but whenever I do, my magic gets anxious.”

“I see,” San got up, extending a hand and helping her up, “Good job today.”

He looked at Wooyoung and Jongho who watched the two with bored gazes. “Kieran killed her. I just confirmed it.”

“Thought so, but why?” Jongho asked.

“The ‘why’ makes her magic fight back,” San explained. “Kieran told her something before she died. She can’t recall, and whenever she tries to, that anti-nature magic episode occurs.”

“I see,” Wooyoung nodded. “Makes sense. How do you feel right now?”

“Me?” Gaeul asked. “I’m fine.”

“What do you say we all go camping?” Wooyoung got up. “I’m tired of sitting around. It’ll take Hongjoong a few days until he comes, and he has instructed us to not try anything stupid, so why don’t we pretend we’re just a bunch of friends hanging out in the meanwhile? I bet you haven’t had a good memory in a long time, Gaeul.”

Gaeul was touched- she expected to be shut in the basement again. “Can I really join? Won’t I be a risk?”

“With the three of us, you’ll be fine,” Jongho got up. “Let’s take a break. We’re all tired, aren’t we?”

The three dispersed to pack and make arrangements, assuring Gaeul again and again that it was fine and that a breather could actually help her. Gaeul went down in the basement to her room, going through the clothes that Yoohyeon had bought for her- she liked her choice very much. While Gaeul was picking through her outfits, she heard someone walk in, smiling when she saw it was just who she had been thinking about.

"I heard you're going on a little trip," Yoohyeon waved a pair of boots in her hands, smiling giddily. "Thought these might come handy. And here's a bag for you."

"Thank you," Gauel grinned. "Anything else that might be necessary?"

"I'll ask Wooyoung to stop by the market and get you some necessities," she said but Gaeul frowned.

"Should I be in a crowded place?"

"Uh… I don't think so," Yoohyeon grimaced. "But if the princes think it's okay, then you're all good."

"Alright," Gaeul gave her a thumbs up. "Help me pack?"

A few moments later, Gaeul was dressed in a white button-down shirt with lace details and black pants with boots, the front of her hair braided back. She was even wearing a little lip tint. Yoohyeon stood satisfied as she scanned her. "This is what you must have looked like when you were… alive."

Gaeul peeked at the mirror. "Definitely."

Yoohyeon grinned and at that moment, they heard footsteps coming down. "I hope you're ready because Wooyoung and Jongho are about to- wow."

To say that Gaeul blushed at the way San halted and scanned her with his mouth parted was an understatement. Even her ears went red and she helplessly turned to look at Yoohyeon, suddenly very conscious of herself. Yoohyeon did nothing to help, teasing her further as she winked at her. 

"You look… good. Really good, Gaeul," San chuckled nervously. "The hair suits you."

"Thank you, and please stop," Gaeul hid her face- it was so obvious she hadn't really cared to dress up in a good while. They laughed and Yoohyeon told Gaeul she should put some effort into her appearance more often if that's how they were going to react everytime. Taking her bag, Gaeul followed San upstairs, and he scoffed as he pointed at Jongho who was-

Strangling Wooyoung with a vine, a leaf very graciously covering Wooyoung's mouth so he couldn't speak. Jongho laughed devilishly when San clapped. "You got him to shut up for a minute. That's progress."

Wooyoung in the meantime broke free and sent a gust of wind at Jongho, blowing all his hair away from his face rather messily. Gaeul clapped when Wooyoung bowed. He got up and looked at Gaeul, smiling widely and giving her a thumbs up. "You look less like you just came back from the dead."

"Uh, thanks," Gaeul wasn't sure if that was a compliment but knowing Wooyoung, it probably was. Even Jongho whistled when he finally looked at her.

"Can we move instead of gawking at me like an alien?" Gaeul laughed.

"Technically," Jongho began, "You are one-"

"And that's your cue to shut up," San put an arm around his shoulder, winking at Gaeul as he dragged him along. Wooyoung took Gaeul's bag and slung it over his shoulder. 

"So we're not taking any guards or healers?"

"Just us," Wooyoung confirmed. "We have a good amount of healing magic too, in case you didn't know."

Gaeul ooh-ed at that. "So you're like a whole package, all of you?"

Wooyoung looked at her funny. "If you put it like that…"

"I always wondered how people with, let's say, affinity for air magic are different from you, the Prince of Air. Obviously the magnitude of the power, but… there are other perks too, right?"

"Yep," Wooyoung began, helping her into the carriage that was going to drop them outside the town. "The magnitude makes all the difference. Air is the deadliest weapon, mind you. In a second I can steal your breath-"

"That sounds like a very, very bad pick-up line-"

"Shut up, Jongho," Wooyoung turned his attention to Gaeul who was stifling her smile. "Imagine a field of men, ready for battle. I can limit their air intake and suffocate them in a second-"

"Hey, hey, slow down," San laughed. "Tell her about the good stuff."

"But the good stuff is boring," Wooyoung grinned, earning groans.

"Let me tell you about the good stuff," Jongho leaned forward. "Do you remember what you could do with your magic while you still possessed the magic of nature?"

"Well," Gaeul bit her lips as she thought. "I remember that I could grow plants, save them from dying. I remember my mother had the same magic so she always taught me not to go overboard with it- she said we did not have the right to grow something or bring back something to life unless necessary- not change the course of nature."

"The course of nature… that's wise."

"Well, if she was alive and saw my magic now… she'd pass away right there- I'm not even kidding," Gaeul scoffed. "We had a good relationship, mother and I, but she always forbade me to test the limit of my magic."

"She was right to do so," Jongho nodded. "The magic of nature is not as simple as everyone thinks. It's not just plants and life. Changing the course of nature can lead to irreversible damage. The flow of life… it really shouldn't be messed with."

"Wow," Wooyoung exhaled. "It's been a while since I’ve heard you talk like this."

"I mean, it's no surprise for me, her magic, if it really is reversing on itself," Jongho slumped back. "If she had a little affinity for healing, she'll unheal now. If she could give life to plants, she's taking it from them now, isn't that so?"

Before San or Wooyoung could say anything, Gaeul was nodding. "But even the magic of nature is dangerous. How is my anti-nature magic any different from the magic of nature when used in the wrong way? Apart from what we’ve seen so far?”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” Jongho rubbed his chin. “I mean, even as a Prince, I can’t do what you can currently do- and we don’t know the extent of your magic or the magnitude of it. Let’s just pray it stops here, eh?”

“Let’s stop this boring talk too, we’re here to relax-”

“What’s the extent of your magic, Jongho?” Gaeul’s face was going pale and San stopped talking- it looked like she was on the verge of figuring something out. “What’s the one ability I shouldn’t possess right now?”

Jongho pursed his lips. “I wanna be wrong about it. And I don’t want to tell you right now- but it looks like you already have an idea.”

“I do,” Gaeul admitted. “My family- I remember it. We’re the yin-yang bloodline.”

San and Wooyoung looked from Gaeul to Jongho as the colour left both of their faces. Wooyoung frowned. “What’s the yin-yang bloodline?”

“Uh… it doesn’t necessarily activate in everyone in the bloodline though,” Jongho exhaled as he tried to think. “Are you sure about this?”

“I’m sure- but I’m not sure about me. I guess I ‘died’ before I could figure it out.”

“What’s the yin and yang bloodline?” Wooyoung repeated. “Hey, tell me.”

“You really don’t wanna know,” Jongho sighed but Wooyoung wasn’t having any of it. San was also eagerly looking at the two. Jongho looked sceptically at Gaeul but considering that she already knew about her bloodline, it was no secret anymore. “Possessing the magic of nature allows me to access everything natural- so my magic is, in a sense, similar to all of your magics- I can control most of the elements. For the faeries with nature magic, they can usually control the earth element since it is the closest to nature, or air, or water and so on. One can possess a single elemental connection, or two, or if they’re very blessed, three.”

“And you can control most of the elements because you’re the Prince?” San asked and Jongho nodded. 

“Anyways, the yin-yang bloodline is a whole new case. They possess the ability to connect with their mates on a magical level and thus borrow their elemental abilities as well as lend them their own.”

“But that’s… cool,” Wooyoung said. “Why is it a bad thing?”

“If she is from the yin-yang bloodline as she so claims,” Jongho pointed at Gaeul, “her magic is taking a different form right now, so she should be able to control a multitude of elements, if she ever gets this magic under her control. As for the other part- I don’t know if she can still sense her soulmate, but if she was killed because of some sort of twisted plan…”

“Ah,” San nodded. “I get it. Her power could be used by someone for evil plans.”

“Something like that,” Jongho said with a weak smile.

“Do soulmates really exist? I thought it was a myth,” Gaeul looked at the three.

“We believe it’s true. People stopped believing it because not everybody lives long enough to find their soulmate,” Wooyoung replied.

“And we’ve witnessed it,” Jongho smiled. “Seonghwa and Yena turned out to be soulmates.”

“Wow,” Gaeul looked at the three dreamily and they laughed. “Does everyone have one?”

“Probably,” San smiled and Gaeul nodded slowly. 

“How do they know?”

“We don’t know that yet,” Wooyoung laughed. “You’ll have to ask Seonghwa or Yena.”

The carriage halted and the four got out, wearing their bags. Wooyoung pointed at the mountains. “We’ll see how much we can walk before we decide to camp.”

—---------------------

Yena knew something was up the moment she portalled to Yeosang’s castle and learned that he had gone to Mingi’s castle and had informed the court that he wouldn’t be back for a while. 

It wasn’t unusual, Yeosang visiting Mingi. The two met often enough. However, when she portalled to Mingi’s castle right after and his court members panicked a little, that’s when she knew that the two knew something about the whole situation that they weren’t telling her.

“You can be honest with me, Jae,” Yena was practically smirking as she saw Jae squirm while he decided whether he should really spill that Hongjoong was with the three too. “I’m gonna know soon anyways. It would save me a couple of portal trips.”

“Uh, they really, really didn’t tell me where they were going. In fact, they themselves did not know.”

“Oh? Interesting,” Yena looked around. “How’s Hongjoong?”

“He’s fine- wait, how do you know?”

“So he was here,” Yena grinned and Jae groaned loudly, shaking his head in amusement. 

“I surrender. There’s three of them- they went for some sort of an outing. Didn’t tell me the why and the where.”

“That’s okay,” Yena got up after drinking a glass of water. “I’m going home now. When they come back, let them know I was very pissed at them.”

“I got you,” Jae gave her a thumbs-up and Yena portalled to her castle- it was near and she needed a break- she still couldn’t manage so many trips in a day without exhausting herself. She walked out of her room to let her court know that she was back, and when she opened the door, she was greeted with the sight of a few of her very mischievous court members playing cards in her living room.

“I see that’s what you do in my absence,” Yena folded her arms and earned loud yelps and screams, making her wince. 

“Thank you for scaring the shit out of me!” Haechan put a hand on his heart. “What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be back for now.”

“In case you forgot, this is my home,” Yena laughed as she looked at each one of them who were also grinning guiltily. “I just had a feeling you all were up to something and I decided to check.”

“Go back, we were having fun-”

“I thought I banned him from coming into my chambers for two months?” Yena pointed at Jaemin who was laughing shamelessly.

“Everyone, clean the mess,” Haseul, her Right Hand, got up but Yena shook her head.

“No, please continue. I’m only here to get my energy back before I portal back to Seonghwa’s,” she said and narrowed her eyes when some of them visibly relaxed. “In fact… I should join you all. I have this sudden urge to play against the few of you who won’t stop teasing me.”

After a very chaotic game of cards where Yena managed to win twice, followed by a dinner which left her more exhausted than replenished because of the constant bickering and laughing, Yena decided to take a walk alone, as she had to beg her court who loved to spend the most time with her whenever she came.

She smiled as she went to the garden- she was still not used to having such a large amount of court members who adored her and had a very friendly relationship with her. They were also not used to having her- though the ice had melted rather quickly, but she hadn’t always been in her own castle. Before her marriage, she first spent a good few months with Yeosang as she practised how to portal accurately. She would also spend a good amount of time with Seonghwa, mostly spending the nights together- the first few months were hard to the point that she couldn’t sleep alone.

Apart from the nightmares, it was the anxiety that kept her awake. She wasn’t sure if what she experienced anymore was a dream, illusion or reality. And now… it was the anxiety, the same feeling again. Something had gone wrong because of her, she was sure, and this very hunch had brought her to visit Yeosang to discuss it. 

If Yeosang, Mingi and Hongjoong were out there somewhere, it made it so painfully obvious that something, indeed, was wrong. If they had simply met up, she wouldn’t have batted an eye. However, at a time like this, she was sure they weren’t simply roaming around like everyone claimed they were. She sighed, wondering just what they were up to. 

Maybe she should pay a visit to someone else later.

But the feeling stuck in her throat told her she wasn’t ready to face the consequences of her decisions. And something told her that everyone, including Seonghwa, was trying to keep her out of this as long as they could. 

So Yena decided to wait in blissful ignorance for the time being until they had no other choice. 

—-----------------------

“And there it is,” Yunho pointed.

“I can’t see,” Yeosang stood on his tiptoes, holding on to Yunho’s arm for support.

“You can’t see it,” Yunho chuckled. “You can feel it.”

“Boring,” he muttered, standing back straight. Hongjoong picked up the map and drew a red cross on their location- there was no significant pattern for now as he scanned the other two crosses. Mingi looked at him.

“It doesn’t necessarily have to be a pattern, right?”

“With things like these, there is always a pattern,” Hongjoong shut the marker. “We’re just not smart enough to see it. But in our case, we’ve only pinpointed 3 locations. There should be several more.”

“What if we can’t understand the pattern?”

“I have a feeling that we will, Yunho,” Yeosang looked grim. “Someone told me that there was definitely a pattern in the locations.”

“Who?” Hongjoong asked.

“Just a bored to death spirit,” Yeosang scoffed. “Someone bored enough to follow the black hole everywhere- but he also told me that it did not simply ‘move’, it disappeared and reappeared elsewhere.”

“Could all the spirits feel it?”

“Yep,” Yeosang looked at Mingi. “I think I didn’t feel it because, well, I’m not entirely a spirit. Plus, during the time that this black hole was travelling in that dimension, I wasn’t really using any sort of magic. I was resting.”

“Right,” Hongjoong got up, peeking over from the edge of the boat to look at the flow of water in the sea. “So far, all the three occurrences have left mini sinkholes, is that right?”

“Yep,” Yunho confirmed. “These sinkholes must have been formed because of the energy formed in the black hole itself- this sinkhole looks like it’s about to close soon.”

“So it is a result of the after-effect of the whole process?” Yeosang asked. “Isn’t that strange?”

“It kind of is,” Yunho nodded. 

“So far, there is only one pattern- and I have a theory about that,” Mingi looked at the three. “We had one hole near Regulus. The next one was near River Al Ard in Zubenelakrab, and we have the other between Zubenelgenubi and Zubeneschamali. We’re bordering the land so far, aren’t we? Where should the next hole be?”

“North,” Yunho told him. “Towards Altarf.”

“Yunho, you felt it in the Diamond Sea, right? Not the Topaz Sea?” Mingi asked and Yunho nodded. Mingi continued, “So this black hole… it’s been travelling around this continent. Why? Because it was Gaeul’s home- Wooyoung’s Kingdom, or because her power of nature is very closely aligned with Jongho’s kingdom, or…?”

“That’s plausible, but I feel the most occurrences near Altarf for some reason,” Yunho tilted his head as he thought about it. “What possible connection could Gaeul have with the Kingdom of Cancer? Or Earth magic?”

“Could be because of her magic- if she possessed more power for the earth element in her nature magic,” Hongjoong was deep in thought. “But it simply cannot be that. I understand that the last spot had to be Ascella- that’s nearest to where she must have died. But why does it look like the hole circled this continent?”

“That’s the thing,” Yeosang nodded slowly. “Everything with this situation… this resurrection, if you can call it that, is happening for a reason- we have to keep that in mind. If the black hole appeared right here, there is a very valid reason behind it. If it occurred various times near Altarf, there is a very valid reason behind that too.”

Hongjoong’s heart sank- he had a suspicious feeling that somehow, San was involved in this. He looked at Yunho who pursed his lips. 

“You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yeah,” Hongjoong looked grim. “I think… for now there is no other explanation but that San- or his ‘Prince of Earth’ persona is involved in this. It could be a magical reason- Gaeul’s magic is basically the opposite of Jongho and San now, as they tell me. Let’s wait to hear more from them before we jump to any other conclusion.”

“Alright,” Yeosang nodded. “I’ll ask my contacts if they have any knowledge or clues to share.”

“I like how he always calls them his ‘contacts’,” Mingi teased. 

“Don’t get me started- you used to name the different flames of your magic by colour-”

“Hey, I was five!” Mingi yelled and the others laughed. 

“Before you guys start arguing, I’m going to speed up this boat,” Yunho grinned and changed the flow of the boat, making it drive speedily, laughing in satisfaction when he saw Yeosang and Mingi hold on to each other for dear life.

—-------------------

“You really didn’t think this through, did you?” Gaeul asked Wooyoung. “I mean, you’re lucky that you’re athletic. I haven’t walked for so long ever since I came back to life. And I only got healthy enough to walk without almost dying now.”

Wooyoung looked at Gaeul who was sitting on a rock, taking a break in the middle of their walking-to-the-mountain trip. Her cheeks were flushed and sweat beaded her forehead, making some of her hair stick to her face. She finished another water bottle, wiping her mouth with a nearly trembling hand. Wooyoung would never admit out loud that he made a mistake.

“I’m trying to get you back in shape,” Wooyoung looked away, afraid she’d catch on to his lie. “If we can’t do anything about your magic and you have to live with it, you need to be physically healthy to train.”

Gaeul made a face. “I don’t want to live with this magic, thank you very much-”

“Eh, that’s not a good thing to say,” San scolded. “Do you know that we hate a part of our magic too? We don’t love it entirely, so we learn to live with it.”

“But I hate my magic entirely, there’s nothing good about it,” Gaeul pouted, asking Jongho who was standing nearby to pour some water in her cupped hands so she could wash her face. San sighed, looking at Wooyoung who only shrugged in defeat. San glared at him- Wooyoung wasn’t being helpful right now.

“He’s right,” Wooyoung rolled his eyes at San. “I hated my magic- I couldn’t even control it. The basement was created to keep my magic under control because I could have blown away my own home.”

“Whenever I got angry,” Jongho admitted, “The floor would break apart and plants and vines would take over. I gave the castle residents quite a hard time.”

Gaeul nodded slowly, looking at San and waiting for him to add something but it looked like he would rather not talk about it. He only said, “Earth magic is very versatile and… it was hard to control it. Gave me and everyone around me a hard time.”

The air suddenly felt thick. Gaeul got up, brushing her clothes. “Well.. I understand what you all are getting at, but I don’t think I can live with this magic. It’s killing me inside and keeping me alive at the same time. How long do you think I have anyway if this keeps going on? Look at this-” she pointed at the grass where her feet had just been resting, now grey and dead. “One day it’s going to cause some irreversible damage- I’ve already done much.”

Jongho frowned- the grey part was shaped like her shoes. It was like she was oozing this magic right now. “Is this because you’re tired that your conscious control of your magic slipped and this happened?”

“Maybe,” Gaeul bent down and touched the grass- nothing happened. “I think when I’m a bit emotional, this happens.”

“Should I rile you up and test this theory?” Wooyoung scoffed and Gaeul huffed as she glared at him. Right then, the grass that she was still touching turned grey. Wooyoung clapped.

“See?” He looked at San who was shaking his head in mild amusement. “It worked.”

“You’re insufferable-” Gaeul started but San held her hand impulsively and Gaeul pulled her hand back as if she had touched something hot. “Are you crazy? I could have hurt you!”

“San-” Jongho and Wooyoung warned but San went ahead and grabbed her hand, locking it in his. 

Nothing happened. But Gaeul felt a little shock course through her whole body and she looked at San in confusion. San looked equally as confused and Gaeul had a feeling he had felt it too. He shifted his fingers to check her pulse- she was still riled up.

“Jongho,” San unlocked their hands. “Can you try touching her with your plant or something? Don’t touch her directly- it could be dangerous.”

“If you can touch her, I probably can as well-”

“Just do what I asked,” San sounded serious. Jongho looked at Wooyoung who stood baffled.

“Just to be safe at first,” Wooyoung nodded. “Go on, Jongho.”

Jongho extended his hand and a vine sprouted from it, extending cautiously to Gaeul. Gaeul hesitantly touched it and gasped when the vine immediately turned to dust, speedily travelling to Jongho’s hand and before it could hurt Jongho, he cut it off in horror, looking at the three.

“I felt it,” Jongho nodded. “Not a good time to be near her. If I touched her directly, I’m pretty sure my hand would have turned into dust.”

“Woah, woah, wait,” Wooyoung put his hands on his hips, assessing the situation. “Why is San able to touch her?”

San held Gaeul’s hand and he felt the mini-shock again. Gaeul looked at him, exhaling. “Why does it feel like my magic is trying to attack you but can’t?”

“Or trying to protect me?” San raised a brow. He put a wild flower he had plucked earlier in her palm and watched it turn grey. His face paled and he looked at Wooyoung who looked like he was ready to cry because of the confusion.

“I probably shouldn’t take the risk, but…” Wooyoung walked forward, hovering his hand over San’s and Gaeul’s linked hands. “Yeah. I’m not even trying. I don’t even want to find out if I’m immune or not- hey!” Wooyoung rubbed his scalp from where San had plucked a hair and he watched him put it on her extended palm. It turned grey. Then San plucked a hair from his own head- it didn’t.

“You’re immune,” Jongho exhaled in disbelief, walking around them as if he couldn’t believe his eyes. “You, of all people, are immune!”

San couldn’t really hear him over the buzzing in his mind- the answer, he felt, was right in front of him but he couldn’t see it. He met eyes with Gaeul and couldn’t look away. His fingers slipped further to check her pulse again- she was still unstable. “I think you should calm down now, even though this is so confusing.”

“Why are you immune?” Gaeul almost whispered. “Why you?”

San didn’t look away as he sent his magic through her hand to soothe her- it worked and he felt her calm down- it was like at that moment they were linked- he could feel her pulse and breathing even without his finger on her wrist. 

“Well,” San finally broke apart, smiling helplessly as he looked at the two baffled men in front of him. “I don’t know why but it is what it is.”

“This trip was supposed to be magic-free and relaxing!” Wooyoung pointed at San. “Not full of mini heart attacks!”

Gaeul chuckled, “Who said it’s over? These things are beyond our understanding now, it seems. Let’s go find a good spot and set up a camp.”

“Why is he immune but you’re not?” Wooyoung looked at Jongho. “Aren’t your magics practically the same?”

“They’re not-” San and Jongho said simultaneously, laughing.

“And what’s with you sending her your magic to heal her or whatever but we can’t?” Wooyoung carried on. 

Gaeul narrowed her eyes at him. “If you don’t shut up, I’ll turn you into dust and then you can become one with your element, Prince Wooyoung of Air.”

Jongho and San laughed out loud shamelessly, leaving Wooyoung even more baffled. Jongho put an arm around him and dragged him along to the front, trying to shut him up. Gaeul and San walked behind the two. Gaeul looked at him. “You shouldn’t have done that so impulsively. You could have been hurt.”

“I knew what I was doing,” San looked back at her, a little smile creeping up his face. 

“I don’t quite believe that,” Gaeul narrowed her eyes.

“Okay, yeah, I just had a feeling,” San admitted, scratching the back of his neck. 

“But that was risky, and I hope you don’t do that again,” Gaeul almost scolded. “I was only a little riled up right now. I don’t want to think what could happen if I truly lose control.”

“If that happens,” San’s voice was low and it made Gaeul’s heart flutter. “I’ll be there to calm you down.”

“You’re… very stubborn, you know that?” Gaeul said and San laughed a bit. “I’d like to find out why you’re immune, though. I think there’s a connection between us, isn’t there?”

San looked at her with a confused frown on his face- did she know something that he didn’t? But that wasn’t the case- he could see it in her eyes that she had no clue. Whereas… he had quite a few theories, and he needed to talk to Hongjoong or someone about this, because if he was right about this…

This was all so, so messed up.

“I think… there definitely is,” he raised a brow. “I could feel you from miles away. The others could feel your magic but I… I could feel you. I don’t know if anyone else did too, but I did. It’s what brought me here, I needed to see just who was in so much pain.”

“Might have something to do with our magic, right?” Gaeul wondered. “Maybe I have more Earth magic than Nature? Didn’t you say your magic was really sensitive and you could feel who Princess Yena was too when you met her?”

“Yeah, but so could the others, to some extent. I think I really knew about her when I linked our magic trying to heal her. But with you… the more I know you, the more confused I become.”

“That sounds… bad,” Gaeul laughed helplessly, looking down as she walked but San shook his head.

“Not necessarily in a bad way.”

Gaeul looked up at him- Prince San… he was so confusing. She wasn’t sure if he was intentionally doing whatever he was doing but gosh. He was making her heart do somersaults that she didn’t know her dead-with-a pit-of-emptiness heart was capable of. And when he looked at her like he just did… she had never felt so shy in her life before, she was positive.

And she was also positive that Prince San was the most charming person she had ever met and would ever meet.

San was sure she had no idea what effect she had on him- especially when her cheeks visibly blushed whenever San looked at her differently or said things like this- San thought she was just shy around everyone but he had noticed that it was usually only when he said or did something. He wondered what went on in her head, but he wanted to tell her that she was unknowingly making him so restless- and he liked it.

He was sure he was crazy. He had no idea who Gaeul was. He had only spent a few days with her. But it was as if deep inside, he knew. His magic reacted differently with and around her. 

So he decided he would leave more magic-interaction until Hongjoong and the rest arrived- he didn’t want to mess anything up. It was still risky, he knew. He decided to get to know Gaeul- not the back-from-dead anti-magic Gaeul. Just who Gaeul really was.

“Let’s stop here,” Wooyoung announced and Gaeul sighed in relief. “We made it to the foothills! This is a good spot.”

“Thank you,” Gaeul bowed dramatically, making them laugh. The boys immediately started setting the tents and Gaeul decided to gather wood for a fire. In about an hour, they were done arranging everything, washing up a bit by the stream that flowed, gathering wood and lighting up a fire, and heating the half-cooked lunch they had brought from the castle. They ate the food sitting in a circle around the fire while Wooyoung told them about the history of this land while they watched the sunset.

“If we’re the ones writing the history books,” Wooyoung was concluding, “I wonder if we should write about Yena’s history in these mountains.”

“Well, it wasn’t a bright part of her life, but won’t people learn from it?” Jongho wondered. 

“Are you including the bit where you both refused to portal because you both got nauseous when you portalled-”

“Shut up,” Wooyoung simply said, making Gaeul snort. 

“Tell me more,” Gaeul made puppy eyes at them.

“I should tell Yena she has a fan now,” Wooyoung laughed. “Yena was here when she got kidnapped as a kid. We came back to see if we could find or learn anything.”

“And? Did you?”

“Yep, it was quite fruitful, wasn’t it?” Wooyoung asked and the two nodded. “It was because magic has memories, her memories that were blocked got triggered by being in the same place-”

Wooyoung paused, his eyes going wide as he clapped. “That’s it! Magic has memories! We should go to the places she’s been in and see if her deep buried magic can be triggered and her memories come back completely!”

“Plausible theory,” Jongho was nodding. “But shouldn’t we wait until the rest are here? I don’t want it to go wrong, though there’s a high chance it will work.”

“Same,” San nodded. “It would definitely work but we have to be careful because if her memories come back and she becomes unstable…”

“Let’s not do that right now,” Gaeul nodded. 

“Let’s not talk about magic at all,” Wooyoung nodded furiously. “Gaeul… tell us something about yourself, if you’re okay with it.”

“Getting to know the enemy?” Gaeul wiggled her brows and Wooyoung raised his in amusement. Gaeul laughed. “I’m kidding. What do you want to know?”

“Well,” Wooyoung rested his face between his hands. “Anything. What was your childhood like? Do you want to go back home when you get better?”

“If I get better,” Gaeul corrected. “I don’t know. It’s been… two years since I’ve been ‘dead’, right? I used to live with my uncles after both my parents died but they didn’t really care for me. I was spending most of my time alone or working.”

“Any friends?” Jongho asked.

“A few from work,” Gaeul nodded, frowning. “Is it weird that I remember more now?”

“Not at all,” Jongho smiled. “It looks like you don’t remember much from near the time of the incident.”

“Yeah,” Gaeul sighed, stretching her arms. “My childhood was fun until my parents died. After that… It felt like I was walking on eggshells. It wasn’t that bad,” Gaeul looked at the three, “but it wasn’t the best either.”

“I get it,” San nodded. “Our parents didn’t have long to live after they spent most of their energy bringing us to this planet. We knew that but we weren’t prepared when the time came.”

“You can never be prepared for that,” Jongho nodded. “And after they did… it did feel suffocating. We were still kids. But the people around us… they’re the ones who make us feel that we’re home, don’t they?”

Gaeul stared at Jongho, his words resonating within her and she realised it then- she hadn’t felt so comfortable and safe in a long time. And it was in the company of three Princes. It didn’t feel like she was home yet, but it was close enough. Gaeul slowly nodded. “I should thank you all for making me feel comfortable and safe and not a threat, even when I am who I am. I never imagined I’d live to sit with not one but three of you, as casual as this-”

“Oh, shut up,” Wooyoung waved a hand in dismissal but everybody knew he liked hearing it. “You’re making me feel too soft. Carry on.”

“Oh, the generous Prince Wooyoung, the kind, the handsome!” Gaeul waved her hands dramatically, making Jongho and San holler while Wooyoung deadpan stared at her. “Is this what you’d like to hear?”

“Nevermind,” Wooyoung looked away, disappointed, though Gaeul could see the hint of a smile on his face.

“No, but really,” Gaeul looked at all three of them. “I can’t imagine where I’d be and what chaos would be ensuing if Wooyoung didn’t save me and I didn’t meet you all. I don’t feel suffocated like I did before. It’s like I can finally breathe. And I’m having less fainting spells!”

“Yay,” San cheered. “Keep in mind that a positive mindset contributes a lot to one’s healing. It’s not all thanks to us- it’s you too.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have this ‘positive mindset’ if I hadn’t met you all, so,” Gaeul looked at Wooyoung and he shook his head- it looked like he still hadn’t told anyone that when he met Gaeul, she was trying to kill herself. At that moment, Gaeul felt an immense amount of respect for the Prince. “All’s well that ends well, eh?”

“It’s not the end-”

“Shut up, Wooyoung,” Gaeul gave him the side-eye and he grinned. Gaeul looked up at the purple sun- the orange one had set, it seemed. The sky was beautiful pastel colours, growing darker with every passing minute. “Do you think I could make it? I mean, will I ever be able to adapt to my magic?” The Princes looked at each other and Gaeul knew that they weren’t sure either. Gaeul continued, “The fainting spells, the losing control… it’s only better right now because I have three of you with me. It won’t stay that way forever.”

“Well,” San began, “I think you have a good chance-”

“I’m sorry to interrupt but..” Gaeul shifted to sit cross-legged. “I don’t want to hear anything if it’s a lie. And San… you keep giving me hope when all I see ahead is darkness.”

San was sure his heart had just broken into pieces after hearing her say that- he had never looked at someone who could say such a thing with such a sad smile. San looked away, swallowing down his feelings. 

Jongho cleared his throat. “Honestly? What you need right now is a miracle. We don’t understand what’s wrong with you, and you’re right- we shouldn’t be too hopeful either. This nature of magic isn’t something we can ever imagine controlling. But… the tables could turn when Hongjoong and the rest come.”

“Exactly,” Wooyoung nodded. “I’m sure they’ll figure something out. But… don’t give up just yet, Gaeul.”

Jongho and San knew at that moment that there was a certain understanding between Gaeul and Wooyoung as they looked at each other and passed subtle nods. Wooyoung got up, brushing his clothes. “Anyways, enough of the depressing talk. I brought board games!”

—--------------

“Strange,” Yunho frowned as he looked at the intersection of the sea. “Very strange.”

“Quick, you need to tell us where to go,” Yeosang patted his back.

Yunho ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “After how many- 5 black hole occurrences bordering Altarf alone, we’re at a crossroads. I can feel something along the river that’s passing through the continent, but I can also feel something along the continent like we predicted.”

“So the occurrences are bordering Altarf, aren’t they? Around San’s kingdom, basically,” Hongjoong sounded grim but looked more curious.

“Can you tell if we should go around the continent or through the continent?” Mingi asked.

“According to my sources, there are only a few bordering Altarf itself- look at this,” Yeosang pointed at the cross marking where the last black hole should be, and it was around San’s castle. 

“Did your ‘source’ draw this cross?” Hongjoong teased.

“Yes,” Yeosang looked at him pointedly and Hongjoong wowed.

“Is there anyone here right now?” Hongjoong leaned forward. Yeosang smirked.

“Right behind you, with a hand on your shoulder-”

To say that Hongjoong jumped in his chair was an understatement. The three of them burst into laughter, knowing it was a prank, but Hongjoong scowled. “Let’s talk business.”

“Okay, since the last one is here, we should take a look at this one before we go around the continent- or, we could just go through the river until we reach Ascella. I think we should investigate at least these two.”

“Good point. Do you think we can reach Ascella quickly after this? Because I’m done travelling on this ship,” Mingi sighed.

“I got you,” Yunho nodded. “Though I should take a nap to have enough energy. Wake me up when we reach the one in Altarf.”

“Wait, who’s rowing?” Yeosang looked around.

“Figure it out yourself if you want to cut this trip in half,” Yunho grinned, lying down on the seat and pulling a blanket over himself. “Or we can spend another two days in the sea-”

“No, we’ll row,” Hongjoong handed oars to the two, glaring at them. “Come on. With pain comes gain.”

Yeosang groaned but his eyes lit up. “I have an idea.”

“Don’t even think about it-”

“It could work!” Yeosang clapped and Yunho opened one eye to see what was going on. “I’m going to ask a favour from my sources. Let’s see who’s quicker- the Prince of Water or my spirits.”

“Hey, hey,” Mingi laughed. “Is that a challenge? Are you hearing this, Yunho?”

“Go ahead,” Yunho yawned. “I’m done.”

Yeosang shut his eyes and he was in the realm of spirits immediately, spotting his ‘sources’ who were actually just a few spirits from here and there that provided him information in exchange for an extended stay. Yeosang called them, counting 6 people- enough for now.

“I need extra hands.”

Which was how the trip that would have been at least two hours rowing normally was cut into a mere forty minutes, scaring the shit out of Hongjoong and Mingi who clung onto each other the whole time. When they spotted the sinkhole, Hongjoong gasped- it was larger than any they had seen earlier, and they had seen more than ten.

“Wake Yunho up.”

Mingi shook him awake and Yunho was both surprised and disappointed that the trip lasted so short. But with the amount of energy he felt in the water, he immediately got up and walked to the front of the ship, examining the sinkhole.

“It’s not just this,” Yunho tsk-ed. “I can feel the remnants of energy in the air. Whatever magic brought the faerie back, something changed in here.”

“Could this be the beginning?” Hongjoong thought out loud.

“Could be, but it could also be that something triggered the black hole to change its form here. I can feel two different types of energies- and one is similar to what we’ve all been feeling. But the other… it’s almost normal. It’s not exactly magic, it’s something else.”

“I can feel it too,” Hongjoong nodded. “But the real question is… how in the world do we cross this?”

“Oh,” Mingi sighed. “I didn’t even notice it was so wide- it’s basically taking up the whole river, right? And if we try to go around, we might sink.”

“And I’m not taking a risk trying to go around,” Yunho raised his hands in surrender. “I could try going under it, since I’m a water dragon, but I don’t know about the rest of you-”

“Shut up,” Yeosang glared at him. “None of us can swim-”

“I can-” Mingi raised his hand and Yeosang gaped at him.

“You’re a lizard.”

“Salamander,” Mingi laughed. “I can stick to Yunho and we can go under it.”

“I’m a lion, so I can run fast, but Yeosang,” Hongjoong faltered, breaking into uncontrollable laughter. 

“Yes, I might be a meerkat but I can travel quicker than any one of you,” Yeosang scoffed. “In case you forgot, I can portal now.”

“Ah, let’s all portal-”

“No, you can run, Hongjoong,” Yeosang folded his arms, making the rest laugh while Hongjoong pouted. “Do we leave the ship here?”

“Let’s just travel by land now,” Mingi suggested. “How far can you portal?”

“Wooyoung’s castle,” Yeosang nodded slowly, “Since I know the place… I can’t risk portalling into an unknown place yet.”

“Good enough, we can meet Gaeul, get our facts straight and go to Ascella, all of us,” Hongjoong nodded. “Let’s tie this ship by the shore in case anyone needs help travelling around. The citizens must be disturbed to see this.”

—------------------

“And it’s another win!” Jongho high-fived Gaeul, the two of them giggling as if they were drunk- Wooyoung and San supposed they were drunk. Drunk on victory. “We make a good team, eh?”

“The best,” Gaeul grinned, “I can’t believe we’ve been winning on a streak after letting them win once-”

“You’re cheating!” Wooyoung scowled and San tried to calm him down, laughing in defeat. “I can’t believe this! Change partners, right now!”

“Hey!” San slapped his arm and Jongho shook his head.

“Nuh-uh. Whenever we play next time, I’m teaming up with Gaeul.”

“Let her decide!” Wooyoung shouted. Gaeul looked at him guiltily. 

“I mean… if I have to win, I’ll team up with Jongho-”

“Traitors, both of you!” Wooyoung started to pack the games and Gaeul laughed at Jongho who was grinning like a kid. She shook her head- he looked adorable when he laughed, unlike his usual serious demeanour. 

“Ah, I’m so tired,” Jongho stretched. “I’m heading inside my tent. What about you?”

“I want to walk around,” Gaeul got up, hands on her hips while she looked around. “I’ve never been here. Anyone wanna join?”

“Not me, nuh-uh!” Wooyoung said mockingly, making Jongho giggle again. San got up, kicking Wooyoung lightly and telling him to grow up. He looked at Gaeul, licking his lips.

“Want some company?”

Gaeul’s stomach swooped dangerously but she managed to nod, helping the others pack first since they were going to leave early in the morning before it got too hot. After Wooyoung disappeared in his own tent to sulk, San motioned for Gaeul to come along.

“I know a place,” San gave her a half-smile, “if you’re up for a little hiking.”

“And by little, how much exactly do you mean? Because Wooyoung told me this spot was ‘right next’ to his palace and made me walk miles-”

“Oh, it’s not that far- and trust me, you won’t regret it one bit.”

Gaeul shrugged, tossing two water bottles in her bag before following San who was grinning at her. He asked, “Have you ever been to any mountains?”

“Nope,” Gaeul answered. “The beach was where my life started and where my life ended.”

“I see,” San nodded. “The last time I came here was when we were with Yena- the three of us. I’m having deja vu,” he smiled. “There’s a lake up there- it’s really pretty. We were too occupied with our mission back then to appreciate the beauty of it.”

“Have you been to the mountains in your kingdom?” Gaeul asked, “In Arkesh, right?”

“Yeah, a few times when I was a kid,” San nodded. “I should visit more- maybe I could find good spots there too.”

“Ascella had caves on the beach, if you remember,” Gaeul looked at San and he shook his head. “I had a cave that I was pretty sure no one else had spotted yet- you had to go through numerous others to reach that spot. It was my hiding spot.”

“Why did you need to hide?”

“Don’t you feel like you need to hide from the world sometimes too?” Gaeul asked and San smiled, nodding. “Just a place to get away from reality. Do you have some place like that?”

“Not really,” San admitted. “When I want to get away, I just… do. It’s pretty selfish of me but sometimes I just don’t tell anyone and go in the woods- even my court is used to it now. There’s an old lady that lives there who had no idea who I was until two years ago- I used to stay at her place sometimes.”

“How did she find out?”

“Long story,” San laughed a little. “She referred me to a healer and ended up finding out- but she still treats me the same. I still go to her place sometimes- she has a little cottage in the woods that’s absolutely warm and adorable.”

“You must really like her,” Gaeul smiled. San nodded, and he offered his hand when they came by a big rock that Gaeul couldn’t step on without help. Gaeul took it and gave herself a second to let that little shock course through her body before jumping up. “You felt that?”

“Yep,” San stifled his smile. 

“Do you really think it’s related to our magic?” Gaeul asked cautiously. “Sometimes I get this feeling that it’s something else- I don’t know what, and it makes me feel all jumpy.”

“I’ll admit it, sometimes I feel like the answer is right in front of me,” San paused, locking eyes with her. “But… I just can’t see it yet.”

Gaeul nodded. “You summed it up. Let’s hope it’s not something dangerous, eh?”

As they continued walking, San wondered if there was a possibility that it could be both dangerous and safe. Kind of like the feeling he had whenever he touched Gaeul. Her magic tried to hurt him or protect him- it was one of the two, and he couldn’t tell which one it was. San offered his hand once again, and when Gaeul took it, she almost slipped, making San grab her by the waist and pull her to him-

He was positive he was losing his mind- and the electricity coursing through his body now that he was basically holding her to himself as the rock she had stepped on slipped and slid down- it wasn’t helping his already swooping heart as he got a closer look at Gaeul, her eyes wide as she looked down at what could have been a very dangerous fall and then back at San who was too close. San wondered if she could feel his rapidly beating heart- her hands rested on his chest. 

“Uh,” Gaeul licked her suddenly very dry lips, “that could have been dangerous.”

“Well,” San breathed, not looking away from her eyes- he was mesmerised, and it was stupid, but he was. He was absently caressing her hair with his other hand that had instinctively held her. He realised their position and slowly let go, careful not to make her feel too awkward. He rubbed her shoulders, “You okay?”

“Yep,” Gaeul said. “Let’s walk carefully now.”

San nodded. “You… can hold my hand if you want. The road ahead is tricky.”

Gaeul almost sighed in relief, muttering a little ‘sorry’ before holding his hand, now walking side by side with him as he guided where to put her foot on the rocky path. After silently climbing with an occasional joke, they could finally see the division in the mountain leading to the lake.

“Look at how it’s shining!” Gaeul gasped and San laughed. “It’s beautiful! And so blue!”

“I told you, you won’t regret it,” San smiled and let go of her hand and she walked around the lake. She looked at the cabin and pointed at it questioningly.

San shook his head. “That cabin was where Yena was kept hostage as a kid. It’s full of bad memories.”

“Ah,” Gaeul nodded, “Let’s not go near it then.”

San settled down near the lake and after Gaeul was done looking around, she sat beside him too, staring at the purple reflection of the moon. “I could watch this all night.”

“I know,” San smiled. “It’s really calm here, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Gaeul brought her knees to her chest. “It brings back memories. One of the caves had a view like this back home. I used to sit just like this and watch the waves wash my feet.”

“Do you want to go home, Gaeul?” San asked. “I know we talked about it, but… if and when your magic gets under control, you could begin a new life-”

“I don’t want to give myself hope, San,” Gaeul sighed. “I killed someone accidentally. His face haunts me every night. I don’t want to hurt anyone else- if I do, I won’t be able to forgive myself. This magic… there’s no end to it. I feel it- a bottomless pit in my heart. I can’t live with it.”

“It’s too early to say that,” San scolded. “You are allowed to dream of a new life, Gaeul. Even if nothing can cure this, you are allowed a new life-”

“Am I?” Gaeul shook her head. "This magic is only going to get out of control if you can't get it under control. So… let me be prepared for the worst too."

San's heart broke- there was an immense sadness he felt at her words. Just what wrong had she done? She had lived her life pretty normally. What sin, what wrong was she paying for? San cleared his throat. "I believe there was a reason why it had to be you. After what happened with Yena, I've learned one lesson- nothing is a coincidence. Everything happens for a reason. And I… I want to know just why it had to be you."

"You mean it's not some unfortunate coincidence?" Gaeul looked amused. "Because unfortunate coincidence is my second name-"

"No," San laughed a little. "No. There had to be a reason."

Gaeul shrugged, looking back at the river, wondering if it had fishes or some other mysterious creatures that she had never seen-

She felt tickles on her spine and turned to look at San, finding his hand near her head and his face incredibly close to hers. San was looking at something in his hand and he said, “You had something in your hair-”

When he finally looked at her, he paused, and Gaeul took that time to take in his warm eyes, his sharp cheekbones and jaw that was clenching and unclenching as he stared back at her, his grey hair at the ends that curled on his neck, the dark hair falling on his forehead, his parted plump lips-

“You… had something in your hair,” San found himself saying again, gulping as he watched her scan his face. He didn’t know if he wanted to draw back at that moment- there wasn’t just the electricity coursing through his body as his hand touched her hair again, but even the air felt different-

“Ah,” Gaeul turned to look at his hand, spotting a leaf. Gaeul took it from his hand but it turned grey and Gaeul put a hand over her mouth- this was so embarrassing. She was nervous and it was so painfully obvious and she couldn’t hide it from San-

“Are you okay?” San frowned, drawing away a little, looking worried.

“Uh, yeah, I am,” Gaeul pursed her lips as she looked at San and watched understanding cross his face and his worry turned into a devilish smirk.

“Nervous?” San raised a brow. Gaeul threw the leaf at his face, making him chuckle deeply. San put a hand on hers, leaning forward again until they were so close that Gaeul could feel his breath caress her face. “Tell me… do I make you nervous?”

Gaeul couldn’t look at his sultry gaze anymore so her eyes fell to his lips- she looked back at him and watched his smirk grow wider and wider. Gaeul shook her head. “Yes. You make me nervous. Now-” Gaeul put a hand on his chest and pushed him lightly, “that’s better.”

San tsk-ed at her, grinning. “Where’s the fun in that?”

Gaeul frowned, folding her arms. “Are you flirting with me right now?”

“Hmm… am I?” San stifled his smile. 

“Well… I know I make you nervous too, Prince,” Gaeul decided to test him- she wasn’t going to lose after that embarrassing revelation. She trailed her finger up his arm, making him shiver a bit and she knew it wasn’t because of the sensation- it was that connection. “Does it tickle?”

“That’s not fair play,” San shook his head, laughing, but it faltered when he felt her absently caress the scar on his bicep. 

“Does it tickle? Everytime I touch you?” Gaeul almost whispered.

“Yes,” San admitted. “It does.”

“I wonder who you are,” Gaeul tilted her head, trailing her finger down his arm, letting go multiple times along the way so they felt the little shock again and again- it made her restless and calm. How was that possible? “I wonder why it had to be you too.”

“I have this sinking feeling that magic is the last reason,” San admitted. 

Gaeul looked at him, her grey eyes almost catlike in the moonlight. “What else could it be?”

“I don’t know,” San ran a hand through his hair. “I’d like to know though.”

“Me too,” Gaeul nodded. “Tell me, do you feel it when I indirectly touch you? Like this-”

San gaped at her when she ran her hand through the lake and splashed a little water on his face. “What was the reason!”

“You looked sleepy,” Gaeul grinned. “I thought I’d wake you up.”

“Me? Sleepy?” San scoffed. “I have never been more awake.”

Gaeul felt butterflies in her stomach and she realised even San said it impulsively as he carefully looked at her reaction. Gaeul smirked, splashing more water at him. “Just so you don’t fall asleep when we go back.”

“Oh, I’ll get my revenge,” San bent to cup water in his hands and Gaeul almost squealed as she ran away from him but she felt water hit her back- Gaeul’s mouth was wide open as she looked back at San.

“How dare you wet my white shirt!” 

“I’m so sorry-” San began but Gaeul took that chance to bend and splash a good amount of water on him, watching his face turn into disappointment as water dripped from his nose onto his black shirt. “That was on purpose, wasn’t it?”

“Was it?” Gaeul wiggled her brows at him. San shook his head, cupping water in both his hands. 

“If you surrender and come to me, I’ll only splash a little. If you don’t… I’ll drench you.”

“Wow, is that a threat?” Gaeul scoffed. San touched the ground, making the ground around her rise.

“I can trap you,” he smirked. “Make your decision.”

“Prince of Earth against a faerie who came back to life and lost her magic and possesses something she doesn’t even know what. Great. I surrender.”

“Come here,” San motioned with his hand, laughing. Gaeul pouted, standing in front of him.

“Don’t try a dirty trick, okay? You promised ‘only a little’.”

“I promise,” San nodded. He cupped a handful of water and Gaeul shut her eyes, ready to be splashed by that amount which frankly wasn’t less. She felt San draw closer, and then felt his fingers tuck her hair behind her ear, trailing to her chin and he pushed her face up. San only sprinkled a few drops on her face.

Gaeul opened her eyes, looking at him from underneath her lashes, which was when San splashed the rest of the handful on her face, laughing at the squeal that came from within her. Gaeul wiped her face. “That’s the dirtiest trick anyone has ever done to me in my life!”

“Glad to know,” San saluted, wiping his own face. “Let’s go back- it’s already late.”

Gaeul smiled, looking around- she wasn’t sure if she would ever come here again in her life. “Thank you for tonight, San. It really means a lot.”

San patted her back, nudging her along. “You don’t have to thank me for anything. I had a good time too.”

“Tell me something about yourself then,” Gaeul looked at him. 

“What do you want to know?”

“Anything,” Gaeul was looking carefully at where she stepped now- she didn’t want any more of the mini heart attacks San had been giving her the whole night. “What’s your animal form? I heard all Princes have one.”

“Well, if you can guess mine, Jongho’s and Wooyoung’s, I’ll answer any question for the rest of the night,” San challenged. 

“Are you sure? Because I am good at guessing. I’ve read a lot about it too- we had someone in our family with an animal form. They said you either look like it or act like it, other than it being the most convenient with your magic type.”

“They were right. Go ahead, make a guess.”

“Give me two chances,” Gaeul negotiated.

“Done,” San laughed. “Mine is pretty easy to guess anyway-”

“Fox?”

“See? You don’t need the two chances,” San laughed. 

“You literally look like one, it’s hard to not see it,” Gaeul smiled.

“Ah, that brings back memories. When I first met Yena, she guessed mine too. She said either a cat or a fox- it had to be one of the two.”

“I can see it… Jongho’s definitely a bear?”

“Definitely,” San shook his head in amusement. “Wooyoung?”

“He has to be a bird, but I don’t know which bird.”

“Right,” San nodded. “Take a guess. You have three chances.”

“He can’t be the plain old sparrow, can he?”

“Two chances.”

“Not fair!” Gaeul gasped. “Is it something grand? Like… dinosaur grand? Or something small? Is he a parrot because he speaks way too much-”

“Last chance,” San laughed. “A parrot would have made sense too. Think of something… in the middle. A bird that would have the skills too.”

“I don’t know. An eagle? Or a hawk? Falcon-”

“Hawk, though you lost your chance-”

“I guessed it!” Gaeul slapped his arm. “Please?”

“Okay,” San gave in, “Ask me anything.”

“Do you like your animal form?”

“Yep,” San nodded. “It’s pretty convenient.”

“Right… Do you like being the Prince?”

“You ask weird questions,” San smiled. “I was born a Prince. I sometimes wish I could have lived a normal life but then… where’s the fun in that?”

“Nice answer,” Gaeul smiled. “How was Princess Yena and Prince Seonghwa’s wedding? I know if I had been alive- well, if none of what happened did, I might have even attended the wedding.”

“Really?” San frowned. “How?”

“One of the healers in Princess Yena’s court is my cousin, so I might have begged her for an invitation… though I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t allow me.”

San laughed. “It was… good, the ceremony. All that Yena dreamed of.”

“Have you all adjusted to the fact that she’s the Princess? I mean… it was sudden for all of you too, right?”

San nodded. “You really want to meet the Princess, don’t you?”

“Who doesn’t?” Gaeul smiled. 

“Well… she got to spend a lot of time with all of us, individually and together. I spent the most time with her- when she wasn’t aware of her identity. She’s good friends with everyone. We felt the connection too- we tried to ignore it, but it was hard not to see what was right in front of you. So interacting with her… it was easy. She felt like family before we even knew, you could say.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Gaeul smiled. “How could you feel her? All of you?”

“Our magics… at least the princes, and her, we are linked. We are the elementals, so with our magnitude and relation, we can instantly feel when someone is close. Like I can feel Wooyoung and Jongho right now too.”

“Can you feel other faeries too?” Gaeul asked.

“Only you,” San admitted. “I’ve never felt anyone else’s magic from so far. I haven’t even felt any of the others from such a distance as well.”

“Did all of you feel me?”

“They felt your magic, or the thing that brought you back. The black hole, as they’re calling it. I felt… everything they did but also felt you. Without knowing who or what it was.”

“I see…”

“We’ll know soon,” San smiled reassuringly at her. “I know it sounds confusing and nothing makes sense, but once it does… you’ll be okay.”

“Yep,” Gaeul nodded. “Go ahead, you can ask me anything too.”

“I’ll keep this offer for later too,” San said and Gaeul laughed. “I’ll ask only one question right now- you might hate me, but I have to ask.”

“What?”

San stopped walking. “I’m still not sure about you, Gaeul. In Yena’s case, we were betrayed by someone we thought of as family. After that… we have the right to suspect you, don’t we?”

Gaeul understood. Of course they did. She would too. “You have. But even I know only as much as you do.”

“And that’s understandable. I have seen it- but you’re still connected to Kieran somehow. And that makes me suspicious, even when I know you’ve said nothing but the truth so far. But if you ever recall something… and if you have, I need you to promise me you’ll tell me. So tell me, have you recalled something that might put you in danger with us? You can simply answer with a yes or no, if you don’t want to explain.”

“San, I haven’t,” Gaeul smiled helplessly. “I wish I did. It’s got me as frustrated as you all. I don’t know who Kieran is or why he killed me. I don’t know why I came back. I don’t want this magic- what faerie would want this magic? That’s why I always say that if you ever feel like I’m a threat, feel free to end me right there-”

“Hey,” San cupped Gaeul’s face and she shut her eyes momentarily. “Look at me.”

Gaeul did and San looked guilty. “I won’t apologise for asking- I have to, for the safety of everyone, but I don’t know how I can feel it when you say the truth or you lie. It makes me wonder if your memories have been twisted so I wouldn’t know if Kieran did this as some sort of revenge or something. But I saw your memories. I know you even without knowing you, somehow I do. And I… I trust you. You haven’t given me a reason not to.”

“Thank you,” Gaeul whispered.

“And if you say something like that again,” San scolded, glaring at her but a smile crept across his face. “Do you know that every time you’ve been in pain, I’ve felt sick- even before I met you. I haven’t told anyone about this. What do you think I’d feel if you died?”

“Why do you feel that, San?” Gaeul brought her hands to his that were still cupping her face.

“I don’t know,” San sighed. “I shouldn’t have told you, but you… you make me do things and say things I usually don’t.”

Gaeul sighed internally. “San? Don’t say stuff like that. Don’t make me more confused than I already am.”

“I’m confused too,” San scanned her face. “I don’t know what to feel. I want to figure it out soon. Until then…” San leaned forward, planting a lingering kiss on her forehead that made Gaeul aware of every sensation she could possibly feel. Even San shivered. “Let’s go back.”

San took her hand and started going down, and they had nothing to say to each other anymore. They were as confused as the other.

They also felt the same as the other at that moment.

—---------------

“I can’t believe you all went camping while we were out scouring the entire continent for the damned black hole!” Hongjoong was furious.

“I haven’t slept in days,” Yunho sighed.

“I used an army of spirits to row us and spent all my energy there!” Yeosang pointed at Wooyoung, shaking his head.

“You used an army?” Mingi asked.

“Two’s a company, three’s an army-”

“Three is a crowd, Yeosang,” Jongho pointed out and he only stuck his tongue out. 

“So, Mingi,” Wooyoung looked at the red-haired Prince. “What contribution have you made? Do you wanna yell it out like the rest of them?”

“I-” Mingi started to shout but then calmed down, “I did nothing, just kept them awake.”

Gaeul, who was hiding behind Wooyoung, giggled at that and Mingi grinned back. 

The four had been bombarded with this the minute they got back from their camping trip. Gaeul had been greeted with not one but four princes, all looking very pissed and tired and she instinctively hid behind Wooyoung, who she believed was the only one loud and gutsy enough to challenge them. She was absolutely right.

“Now can we settle down like civil people and exchange introductions so this poor soul can stop hiding behind me?” Wooyoung put his hands on his hips and Gaeul made a face- she didn’t realise Wooyoung knew she was hiding. She guessed he knew her well now. 

“This poor soul,” Yeosang began, “is anything but poor and-”

“Shut up, Yeosang,” San put an arm around his shoulder, muttering something in his ear that made him shut up and slap San’s arm. 

“Maybe you should all get some sleep before we settle down because frankly, it looks like you’re the ones who came back from the dead, not her-” Jongho was interrupted when Gaeul glared at him. 

“Okay, I’ll scold you all later. I just can’t believe it. We portalled here only to find out you’re all on a little trip with your new friend.” Hongjoong slumped on the couch and Wooyoung watched how all of them settled in his living room like they owned the place, leaving a chair for him. He shook his head, making Gaeul sit next to him and San. 

“This hotheaded one is Hongjoong,” Wooyoung told Gaeul and she bowed, earning laughter from everyone. “She’s gonna do that, get used to it. That tall one is Yunho. That’s Mingi, and the angry one’s Yeosang.”

“Got it,” Gaeul bowed again before sitting down. “It’s an honour to meet you all, I never thought I’d see this many of you in one place-”

“She sounds like Yena when she didn’t know who she was,” Yunho laughed. San nodded, smiling.

“Gaeul, it’s… a pleasure to meet you,” Hongjoong looked pained.

“I know it’s not,” Gaeul laughed, “but thank you anyway.”

“I like her,” Mingi approved.

“Tell us your story- all of it,” Hongjoong looked serious, his ginger hair glowing in the warm sunlight that illuminated the room, his blue eyes fierce. “We need to piece together what we have.”

“Okay,” Gaeul breathed. “I am from the yin-yang bloodline of the nature element- do you know of it?”

Hongjoong paled and San noticed how his eyes dashed across the room to look at him before he looked back at Gaeul. “Yes… I’ve heard a few stories, though I’d suggest you refresh it.”

“The yin-yang bloodline of nature element is different from other nature wielders,” Gaeul looked at Jongho and he nodded. “Usually, a faerie possessing nature magic holds power over one associated element- like earth, water, air, and so on. It can be two as well, if you’re very lucky and blessed, it can be three, but we’ve never heard of a case with more than three. Anyways, the faeries of yin-yang can usually control two. But they have a secret- they believe that when they connect with their counterpart, or their soulmate as you call it, they can share their power. For example, I could already control nature and earth magic- if my counterpart has water magic, I can share their power through them and control water too, and they, in return, can control my nature and earth magic.”

“But… does this actually work?” Mingi asked. “Like… let’s talk about fire magic, which is the hardest to control and the most dangerous to possess. If your counterpart has fire magic, how can you control it without ever using it and not burn your own self? I mean, even as the Prince of Fire, I have burned myself quite a few times.”

“If your partner has good control, you have it too. Magic is like second nature to anyone, no matter what form it is. As long as I know the principles of controlling it, I can control any, if given to me. That’s, at least, what the theory is. I haven’t witnessed it yet but my elders have, so I’ve only heard from them.”

“Interesting,” Yeosang nodded. “Linking magic… kind of like that, right?” Gaeul nodded and he continued. “So you can possess a multitude of elemental magic if you meet your counterpart. Is that why it’s kept a secret?”

“Yes. Only the yin-yang bloodline knows this secret- the other nature magic users don’t know about us. And I can see only Jongho, the Prince of Nature, and Prince Hongjoong knew of this- isn’t that right?”

The two nodded. Hongjoong cleared his throat, “Continue.”

“I was living a normal life in Ascella, San can confirm it- he saw some of my memories,” she said and San nodded. “I lived by the beach. I think I was travelling to Nunki- that part is a little fuzzy- when I encountered who everyone believes to be Kieran? Red hair and glowing amber eyes?” Yeosang cursed under his breath, urging Gaeul to continue. “I don’t remember this part much and San tried to see it too but to no avail. He could only confirm that it was Kieran indeed.”

“Wearing the face of Jinki,” San added, looking at the four. 

“I think he had a reason for killing me- I’ve heard that he was very meticulous and did not go around killing random people-”

“Would you say that you are a ‘random’ person though?” Yeosang asked.

“Well,” Gaeul shrugged. “I had a pretty random life until that point. I was practically non-existent, a speck of dust in this universe-”

“Okay, continue,” Wooyoung slapped Gaeul’s arm and she scowled at him before continuing. 

“Kieran whispered something in my ear before I died. It might be something crucial and we tried to recall it but I can’t yet-”

“It could be either a ‘that’s what you get for crossing my path’ with some curses or something very crucial,” Wooyoung added. It was his turn to get slapped.

“It has to be something crucial,” San said. “I saw that memory- I may have made a little trip inside her head, stop glaring at me, Hongjoong. I could see Kieran’s face when he said it- he looked like he had accomplished something big. And Gaeul… I think it hurt her more than the sword in the middle of her body.”

Gaeul nodded. “Anyways, I die. About two years later, I found myself in the middle of Ascella beach, all skin and bones, unable to walk. I practically crawled a good distance until someone found me. From then on, it was me going in and out of consciousness, a lot of throwing up, a lot of internal bleeding, until a few days ago when my magic finally worked. Until then, I could just feel that something was horribly wrong with me. I knew I possessed some sort of magic but it felt unnatural.”

“We felt it too,” Yunho nodded. “I couldn’t pinpoint the source but I knew it was somewhere in the sea.”

“I don’t remember much of that time, and even at that time I had no memory- what I could recall, it felt like a dream or a past life, because there was no way I died and came back to life, right?” Gaeul sighed. “When I was in Nunki, my magic worked for the first time, and to my horror, it was the opposite of what I could do. I could breathe life into flowers, but this time I turned it to ashes.”

“Wow,” Mingi exhaled, earning a glare from Yeosang. 

“It’s not fun,” Gaeul smiled sadly. “I ran away from the healer who was going to get me to the High Healers. When I reached the river near Rukbat, in the forest, I encountered a man and felt unsafe- my magic activated. I… killed him.”

“I know all about that,” Yeosang nodded. “That poor soul… it was nothing like I’ve ever seen. You didn’t kill it, Gaeul. You… I’m sorry but you destroyed his soul- he had no chance of living even as a spirit.”

Gaeul bit her lips, sighing, and Wooyoung was about to pat her back to comfort her but felt her magic ooze out. San shook his head at Wooyoung- he shouldn’t touch her right now. “I’m sorry that happened. It wasn’t my intention- I had no idea what magic I possessed, what harm I could do.”

“That’s okay. I understand all of it must have been very confusing,” Hongjoong said and Gaeul nodded, glad that he could understand. “What happened next?”

Gaeul looked at Wooyoung and he sighed. “I think you should tell them.”

“Tell us what?” San frowned. 

“After that happened, I went to the river and… tried to drown myself- I couldn’t possibly live with this magic.”

San’s heart sank to his feet and he looked at Wooyoung for confirmation. He nodded. San sighed, his heart clenching uncontrollably at the thought. Gaeul muttered a little sorry to him before continuing. “I don’t think I could have killed myself. I mean, Wooyoung interrupted and saved me but when I tried to kill myself, my magic didn’t allow it. It ended up exploding in a wave, which some of you might have felt.”

“I felt it,” San whispered so only she could hear. “Not the magic, but you.”

“Well, I’m here now,” Gaeul shrugged, smiling but San could tell she felt nervous talking about this and her magic was getting unstable. He put a hand over her’s, letting his magic soothe her. “Wooyoung tried the basement trick on me, but apparently the thing that’s supposed to dull magic just aggravated mine since I’m ‘anti-magic’ now.”

“Technically… your magic became the opposite of what it used to be when you came back to life, right? So you are… anti-magic in that sense, though it’s very stupid- who came up with this word?” Hongjoong looked around and Jongho raised his hand.

“Uh… that would be me. But it makes sense, doesn’t it? Do you have a better word? Anti-nature? Anti-magic?”

“Whatever,” Hongjoong dismissed. “Anything else you’d like to share?” 

“I had a few episodes here,” Gaeul said, “but thanks to them, I was able to control it. But… I think you should hear San’s story.”

Hongjoong’s gaze fell on their linked hands. San cleared his throat. “I came to Rukbat because I could feel not the magic but the state. The state of a faerie who was in absolute pain because of its own magic. I had no idea who it was, I just needed to get here. When I saw her… Whenever I touch her, we both feel this little electric shock in our body- I don’t know if it’s because her magic is trying to attack me or protect me, but it’s either one of those. And… I’m immune to her magic, it seems.”

“What do you mean immune?” Yeosang almost fell out of his chair.

“She’s feeling nervous right now, and when that happens,” San took his hand away and Gaeul could no longer control her magic fully- it was unstable because of how nervous she was. San picked a flower from the vase, putting it in her extended palm and earning wows from the four as they watched it turn into dust. Gaeul blew it and Wooyoung almost slapped her arm.

“Not on my carpet!” He sighed, waving a hand and blowing the dust away.

“If any one of you touched her right now, I can’t guarantee what will happen. Jongho tried touching her with his plant extension- is that what you call it? Anyways, this happened and if Jongho hadn’t cut it off before it reached his hand, pretty sure his hand would have turned to dust too.”

“I could try touching her as a spirit,” Yeosang suggested. “Though… now that I’ve seen what I’d look like if it went wrong, I don’t want to.”

“How do you know you’re the only one immune?” Hongjoong asked. “Wooyoung?”

“We tested with a strand of hair,” Wooyoung nodded. “I’m not. I’m not going to touch her. Like… not even when she’s normal-”

“It’s not that bad,” Gaeul laughed.

“Should we test too?” Yunho suggested. Hongjoong shrugged, getting up and plucking a strand of his hair and putting it on her palm. It turned grey.

“Well, clearly I’m not,” he pouted, going back to sulking on the couch. The others tried too but it was clear that they weren’t immune. 

“Let me try something,” Yunho looked at Gaeul and she nodded. “I can make a water body and test how it works with magic.”

“Not on my carpet!” Wooyoung shouted but Yunho waved a hand, creating a water person that seemed to be an extension of him. He stood in front of Gaeul and gave her the signal. Gaeul touched the waterbody and it immediately lost form, wetting-

“My carpet!” Wooyoung wailed and Yeosang rolled his eyes while Mingi hollered.

“Well, that certainly proves it.”

“Yunho, you should have given me this idea!” Mingi slapped his back. “I should make a fire body and hug one of you with it-”

“That’s exactly why he didn’t give this idea,” Yeosang pointed out. “Should I try with one of my spirits? Though… none of them deserve this fate- but there’s this one spirit that’s broken all rules of that realm and needs to be sent to the underworld dimension for punishment. I could try it on him.”

Gaeul grimaced. “Do you have to?”

“If we need to test every theory… then we have to,” Hongjoong nodded, giving the signal to Yeosang and he shut his eyes for a good minute while everyone watched silently. When he opened his eyes, everyone could feel another presence in the room though they couldn’t see it. Yeosang remained sitting and Gaeul frowned, but then she almost screamed when she felt something touch her- it had to be the spirit. Yeosang gasped, standing up and wiping his forehead. 

“The spirit died,” he looked at Gaeul and then at Hongjoong. “I mean… if a person could die twice.”

“Well, no need to try anything else. Why is San immune?” Yunho asked.

“No idea,” Gaeul shrugged. “Maybe because I possessed nature magic and earth magic?”

“Jongho should have been immune too, then,” Hongjoong frowned. “San? What do you think?”

“I don’t know, but… there definitely is a connection. I don’t know if it’s a magic connection or something else, but I can feel her differently than any one of you.”

Hongjoong nodded slowly- it looked like they really weren’t sure. “Well… I’ll tell you our story now. Yunho felt it first- apparently when she came back to life- the time matches with what Gaeul told us and what Yeosang’s spirits told him. His spirits were bored enough to follow the black hole that caused her to come back- and there’s not one, but many occurrences of that black hole appearing and disappearing in this world, bordering the continent and mostly around Altarf.”

“Black hole?” Wooyoung frowned.

“Like in necromancy, yes, but it’s different,” Hongjoong nodded. “If it was simply someone bringing Gaeul back from the dead, it would have been a single black hole, at the place of her death, near a water body. But this time… there were several black holes and it looks like she was travelling in time and space before she finally dropped in Ascella.”

“But no one has a reason to bring me back to life,” Gaeul frowned. “I wasn’t exactly Miss Popular. No one would have missed me.”

“I like how blunt she is,” Yeosang commented.

“No one brought you back to life, Gaeul,” Hongjoong confirmed. “I believe… we messed up. Big time.”

“Explain?” Wooyoung demanded. “She knows everything basically, so don’t hesitate.”

Hongjoong gave Wooyoung the side-eye. “Kieran… he clearly knew what he was doing. I believe this is a result of the timeline mix-up. She’s basically a glitch in the matrix. When Yena went back in time, there were two Yena’s existing- the present Yena and the Yena who was travelling back. Yena was careful not to mess with the natural time flow until it needed to be messed with, which was Seonghwa’s death. So when she came back… she dropped in the middle of the ocean, right?”

“Yeah,” Yunho confirmed. “Near my kingdom. I saved her.”

“Where would Kieran have been at that time? Seonghwa confirmed that Kieran wasn’t in his castle at that time, which means Kieran must have been somewhere on this continent- close enough to sense Yena suddenly appearing in the middle of the ocean. I mean… he could sense Yena- he had linked his magic with her. That Yena, the one that travelled back… she had none of Kieran’s magic-”

“Wait, this is confusing,” Wooyoung shook his head, getting up to get a paper and pen so Hongjoong could draw as he explained. Hongjoong sighed but gave in.

“Let’s call the Yena that was going along naturally with time ‘Yena 1’ and the one who went back in time ‘Yena 2’,” Hongjoong drew a rough map. “Yena 1 was in this continent- with Wooyoung, Jongho and San. If Kieran was in this continent too, and we know that he was because Yena mentioned seeing him in Altarf earlier at that time, it means that Kieran could feel Yena 1. Is that clear?”

Everyone nodded and he continued. “Kieran is going around doing god knows what, but then… Yena 2 travelled back in time and found herself in the middle of the ocean- between this continent and Yunho’s. So Kieran must have felt Yena 2 and thought, ‘Oh. Two Yenas. One with my magic and one without my magic in her.’ Now, Yena is the Princess of Time. Put these together and he concludes that Yena 2 is the Yena from the future. Now… he’s pissed because it means he succeeded in his plan to kill Seonghwa but Yena came back in time to save him.”

“But he wanted Yena to succeed anyway,” Mingi pointed out.

“Exactly,” Hongjoong sighed. “It means… He knew Yena was going to come back in time for Seonghwa. How would he still want to mess her up? He creates this glitch in the matrix- Gaeul. I don’t know how he figured it out, but he somehow did. He knew it was going to come back and screw us up one day. So… the question is, who is Gaeul? Why Gaeul? Was it because she’s from the yin-yang bloodline? Are there other secrets of the bloodline that we don’t know yet? Somehow he did his homework before he decided to kill Gaeul.”

Everyone sat in silence as they digested all of this. San spoke, “He must have known it would affect me, right?”

“He must have,” Hongjoong confirmed. 

“There’s also the matter of the missing faeries throughout this continent,” Yeosang said and watched Jongho, Wooyoung and San appear confused. “I have reasons to believe these two matters are connected as well, because this began after she came back to life. Apparently, there are some ‘otherworldly’ creatures prowling throughout the continent, dragging the faeries to their dimension. The black hole might be a gateway.”

“No way,” Wooyoung whistled. “As if this wasn’t enough. But if the black hole is a gateway, what dimension or world exactly lies on the other side? And does that mean Gaeul came from there? Is she not a faerie from this world then?”

“I am from this world,” Gaeul rolled her eyes and Wooyoung waved a hand in dismissal. Gaeul looked at Yeosang. “I’m not sure but I think I saw something in the forest the night I… killed that man. I didn’t exactly ‘see’ something, I just felt it and saw a pair of glowing eyes before I passed away. I thought I hallucinated since I wasn’t in the best condition at that time.”

“I believe you,” Yeosang nodded. “We have no idea what these creatures look like and there’s a good chance you may have hallucinated because no faerie that has encountered them has come back to tell the tale- unless…”

“Unless…” Jongho was shaking his head in disbelief. “Don’t even say it out loud.”

Hongjoong watched Gaeul pale and he sighed. “Now we need to investigate four things: Who is Gaeul- what is her history, why Gaeul, why San, and finally, her connection to those creatures and the gateway. We need to meet the elders from the yin-yang bloodline to get some answers because there’s nothing in the books. And… we might want to tell Yena now.”

Yeosang groaned. “She doesn’t need to know.”

“Pretty sure she already knows what’s going on,” Hongjoong patted his back. “She’s not dumb.”

“Do you think we can get answers from Kieran?” Mingi asked. “I mean… Yena could contact Neve.”

“Neve? The other darkling who took Kieran back to his planet?” San asked and he nodded.

“It’s up to Yena. I don’t think she would want to do anything that involves Kieran and… he might not be alive,” Hongjoong said. “And San… I need to get inside her head and examine what’s going on, but it looks like I’ll have to look indirectly through you.”

“Now’s not a good time,” San pursed his lips. “Let’s do it when she’s calm.”

“Okay, now that everything’s settled,” Wooyoung got up, clapping. “Who’s hungry?”

It was Gaeul’s first time in the Great Hall, and it truly was grand. The glass in different colours and patterns that made the walls of the hall through which you could see outside almost blinded her, and it made the whole hall a colourful mess. And the food… 

“Stop drooling,” Jongho shut her wide open mouth with his finger. Gaeul glared at him. 

“I’m just mad I haven’t been here before,” Gaeul pouted. She watched them all take their seats, and to her dread, the only empty seat remained between Yeosang and Wooyoung. She knew her ears were going to fall off by the end of the lunch.

Halfway through lunch, she was proven right. 

“I’m only saying that you were dumb enough to approach a very angry Gaeul- that’s not bravery.”

But Gaeul was also the one participating in the non stop bickering, and it weren’t her ears that were going to fall off but everyone else’s. “Right! Imagine him being stupid enough to manhandle me at that time. He would have disappeared in the air- truly like-”

“The Prince of Air,” Yeosang completed and the two grinned at each other while Wooyoung looked baffled.

“I thought we were friends, Gaeul!” Wooyoung slapped her arm. 

“If you touch me one more time, Wooyoung, I’ll turn your hand into dust.”

“Yes, yes!” Yunho, who was sitting in front of them, clapped.

“Good one!” Mingi, who was next to Yunho, high fived him.

“All of you always gang up on me!” Wooyoung pointed at them. “I saved your ass, Gaeul! This is what I get?”

“You saved your ass, Wooyoung,” Gaeul sipped on her drink. “I saved my own- or rather, my magic saved mine.”

“You unnatural witch!” Wooyoung scoffed, making them all laugh. Hongjoong, who was sitting next to San at the corner, watched them with mild amusement and he turned to San. “You’ve all warmed up to her pretty well.”

“She’s hard not to,” San smiled.

“Is there anything else you need to tell me, San?”

San looked at Hongjoong. “If you stop being cryptic… maybe I will.”

“Tell me what you really feel about this link between you and her, San.”

“I…” San sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t think it’s because of her anti-magic thing. I think this link is something else, and it scares me.”

“I have a few theories too,” Hongjoong smiled knowingly. “But we have to rule out every possibility before I get to that, and I have a feeling we’ll figure it out eventually. We also need to figure out what exactly Kieran said to her.”

“That’s gonna be hard,” San looked at him and he nodded. “But we can try again, now that you’re here.”

“Let’s do it tonight.”

—---------------------

“Was this necessary?” Gaeul asked no one in particular, knowing the answer was yes anyway. Hongjoong still nodded, sitting down on the ground with her and San took his place beside Gaeul. 

“You’ve heard how bad it can get,” Hongjoong said, referring to Yena’s healing process he had told her about earlier. Yena could have sent everyone within a few miles in a time vortex if things went wrong during her healing but thanks to all the princes being there, they had minimised the damage. He knew Gaeul was just nervous since everyone was watching her, ready to create a shield if necessary and prevent something like that.

“Since San is immune, he’ll be holding your hand, I’ll be holding his. I don’t want to take a risk,” Hongjoong passed a smile that did nothing to help her. “I’m only looking inside your mind indirectly. We’re not going to do anything… yet.”

“Okay,” Gaeul exhaled. “I’m ready.”

San took her hand, squeezing it reassuringly before he shut his eyes and Hongjoong followed. Hongjoong could feel and see San’s magic enter Gaeul’s mind which was fully dark without the usual presence of a glowing thread of magic. 

“San,” Hongjoong said, “I’m going to try entering indirectly.”

“Okay,” San braced himself- he had forgotten the sensation that came when someone’s magic entered their mind, like something actually slithering inside the brain. He had gotten too used to being the one doing that. Hongjoong sent his magic through San’s body and further to Gaeul’s-

Gaeul jumped, groaning in pain but San held her hand tighter. Hongjoong could see it then- he was enveloped in darkness with no origin and no end. Her magic… It was different from anything he had witnessed. He feared the darkness would envelop him if he made one wrong move- and this darkness wasn’t like Seonghwa who was the Prince of Dark himself, or even Kieran who was a darkling. 

“You can’t even see the memories,” Hongjoong noticed.

“You’ll have to dive deeper for that,” San replied. “What do you want to do?”

“You said her magic might be trying to attack you or protect you- which means either you being immune is because of your magic itself or because of her. Let’s see which one it is.”

“How?”

“Just roam around. I’m watching,” Hongjoong said. San nodded, letting his magic flow around and scour the darkness. Hongjoong remained as invisible as possible, following his magic. He noticed how the darkness split until he reached the core of her memories, sealed like Yena’s by her own magic itself. “Can you try touching the core?”

“Nothing happens, watch,” San let his thread of magic try to prod the seal but nothing happened. It remained as it was. Her magic remained calm.

“Let me wrap my magic with yours now. Let’s try then,” Hongjoong suggested.

“Are you sure it’s safe?” Gaeul asked. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’ll draw back if I feel threatened,” Hongjoong assured her and wrapped his magic around San’s, now letting it flare-

All hell let loose as Gaeul screamed like nothing any of them had heard before, making the others panic and immediately create a shield as the darkness inside her attacked both San and Hongjoong. Hongjoong flared his magic even more in an attempt to buy time to get the hell out but it was too late- San groaned in pain and doubled over and Gaeul snatched her hand away, breaking the contact and clutching her head-

Her magic was going to explode. There was no time- Gaeul had to contain her magic inside herself at least until Hongjoong could create a shield. She heard the faint shouting of instructions and clenched shut her eyes, begging her magic to stay inside just a little longer, crawling away from them-

She couldn’t hold it in anymore and let out an ear piercing scream as she spent all her energy controlling the wave of unnatural magic trying to escape from within her. Her back was bent in a painful angle, tears of blood trickling down her face and San watched in horror, about to go to her but his hand- it was turning grey.

“We need to get away!” Hongjoong shouted. “Use all your energy on the shield, all of you!”

Everyone except San created a shield, unsure if it would be enough. They needed San’s magic too- it would have been able to battle Gaeul better, but the veins on his hand that had been holding Gaeul’s were turning grey.

“I can’t use my magic right now,” San clutched his hand, breathing harshly as he tried to heal his own self. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s my fault,” Hongjoong looked grim. “And to save you all right now, I’ll do anything-”

“No,” San glared at Hongjoong, nothing like he had ever done before. “You won’t.”

“San,” Hongjoong warned. “It’s for everyone’s safety.”

“No. You see this?” San raised his greying hand. “It’s not because of what we did. It’s because she’s a part of me. When she hurts, I hurt. And right now?” San pointed angrily at Gaeul. “I’m in as much pain as her. Even if it doesn’t seem like it-”

Hongjoong needed no further evidence as San bent down and choked on his breath, coughing up blood. This was beyond his understanding now and he had to do something, he had to end this-

“I got this,” he heard a familiar voice and his eyes went wide when he saw Yena walk through a portal. “Thank my instinct.”

Seonghwa followed, hurrying to San and sending his own magic through him in hopes of helping. Yena watched the poor faerie, not older than her, struggle to contain her magic but failing as her insides bled. Yena walked near her.

“Gaeul? Gaeul, can you hear me? You don’t need to hold back anymore. Let it go. Let all of it go, at the count of three, okay? Nod if you can hear me.”

Gaeul could, in fact, hear her, though it sounded more like it was in her head. She shook her head no- it had to be her hallucinations again-

“I’m Yena. I’m shifting you into another dimension, so you can let go without hurting anyone. On the count of three, okay?”

Gaeul struggled but nodded and she heard the countdown, shutting her eyes and finally exhaling at the count of three, and everything went black. Meanwhile, the Princes watched Gaeul disappear into thin air. 

“What have you done?” San almost asked angrily. Yena sighed, sitting down in front of San and examining his hand. 

“I’ve sent her to another dimension, where her magic can freely escape without hurting anything. I bet you didn’t think of that,” Yena looked at Hongjoong and he bit his lips guiltily. “As for this…”

Yena waved her hand over San’s greying hand and San watched it turn back to life. “A little healing magic mixed with time magic. I’m still practising this, so it could have gone very, very wrong-”

“I can’t believe you’re testing this theory on him,” Hongjoong shook his head. “Extreme times. What about Gaeul?”

“She’s unconscious now,” San muttered and the three of them looked at him.

“How do you know?” Seonghwa frowned. “She’s in another dimension- oh no, is this what I’m thinking?”

“San? Are you sure?” Hongjoong’s guts were twisting with worry.

“What sort of a connection could let me feel her even across dimensions?” San asked Yena and Seonghwa and they looked at each other. “Didn’t you two feel each other too? All those times?”

“But…” Yena frowned. “It could be a magical connection too. Kieran could feel me because his magic was inside me-”

“My magic is not inside her, and her magic,” San scoffed. “Definitely not inside me. I need you all to rule out every possibility because if nothing else, then only one possibility remains.”

“That she’s-”

“Don’t even say it right now,” San interrupted, sighing. “I don’t want to think about it. If I’m right and Kieran knowingly did this to hurt me because of Yena…” San looked at Yena who looked ready to cry. “This is so messed up.”

“Oh, San,” Yena put a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll figure this out, quick, now that I’m here. I promise. I’ll help you, because all of this… It’s because of me. I’m responsible for this-”

“I didn’t mean it like that-”

“I know,” Yena nodded. “But that doesn’t change the fact that it happened because of me. Because I went back to save Seonghwa and Kieran found out and killed Gaeul because he somehow knew it would create trouble in one form or another. Let’s do this together, okay?”

San nodded, finally smiling at his old friend. “Just like I helped you.”

“Just like you helped me,” Yena smiled back.

“Oh god,” Seonghwa ran a hand through his hair. “Not again.”

Hongjoong patted his back. “I’m glad you’re here right now.”

The rest of them finally recovered from their expended magic and walked tiredly to the four. “Look who’s here! The one person we didn’t want to know!”

“Shut up, Wooyoung,” Yena laughed, hugging him. “It’s been a while.”

“It sure has,” Jongho pouted. “When’s the last time you visited me, traitor?”

“Traitor?” Yena gasped, slapping his arm but then Jongho crushed her in a hug, picking her up and making her squeal. 

“Don’t call my sister a traitor,” Yeosang slapped Jongho’s butt, laughing and ruffling Yena’s hair, making her pout. “Call her a mega traitor because this little-”

“Not fair!” Yena slapped his arm away, grumping at her messy hair and Mingi messed it up even further. Yunho poked her in the head, making her finally scream in frustration and Seonghwa laughed, shaking his head at how everyone turned into little kids when they were with Yena.

“Seonghwa!” Wooyoung finally noticed the eldest prince, running to him but Seonghwa dodged him, making him almost fall on the ground. “I’m just glad you’re here, finally someone who’ll take my side-”

“What makes you think I’ll take your side, pray tell?” Seonghwa stuck out his tongue and watched Wooyoung gasp in horror.

“If you all are done messing up each other,” Hongjoong clapped, grabbing everyone’s attention. “First of all, I’m glad Yena’s instincts worked because god knows we would have disintegrated into dust,” he laughed. “Secondly, who the hell told Yena the whole thing?”

“I’m guilty,” Seonghwa raised his hand, earning groans. “She portalled to Mingi and Yeosang’s kingdom behind my back and learned you were with them too, travelling god knows where. She asked me and I couldn’t lie…”

“Well, I’m glad he couldn’t,” Yunho laughed. “Really, really glad.”

“I don’t know everything,” Yena scoffed. “Only what Seonghwa knows- unless he still hid something from me-”

“Nothing, babe,” Seonghwa crossed his heart. “I hid nothing from you.”

The boys burst into groans and a chorus of ‘ew’. Wooyoung pointed at Seonghwa angrily. “Don’t call her that in front of us! It’s disgusting!”

“You’re just mad that you’re single, Wooyoung,” Yena mocked him.

“What are we going to do now, Yena?” Hongjoong changed the subject. “Should we bring Gaeul back now?”

“Yep. On it,” Yena said and opened a portal right where Gaeul had been, bringing her back. San was the first to move, bending down near her unconscious body and drawing her hair back, wiping her bloody face with his sleeve. He put a hand over her forehead, sending his magic cautiously to soothe her. It worked. His sigh was full of pain and everyone but Gaeul heard him. 

“I’ll take her inside,” San said, not waiting for a response as he picked her up in his arms, surprised to see how light she still was. He went ahead, stopping after a few steps and turning to look at the rest who stood watching him. “Well? Aren’t you guys coming?”

After taking her inside where they let her rest in her room in the basement, the others went to the hall in there, settling down, suddenly all grim, stealing cautious glances at San who was biting his nails nervously. 

“I suppose you could tell us how much you know, Yena,” Hongjoong said. “Do you really believe this is a result of Kieran finding out about your time travelling?”

“Definitely,” Yena nodded. “For a person’s magic to reverse like this, for a person to literally come back to life in a way that is even more unnatural than necromancy… it has to be a result of an anomaly caused by Kieran messing with time. Think about it- Gaeul must have possessed a certain something that made Kieran choose her. And he must have killed her right when I travelled back. All of you lived through some period of time twice- that period being the duration of my time travel. It’s sort of a loop, isn’t it?”

“I… I’m sorry but I don’t have the brains to understand it,” Wooyoung sighed. “Dumb it down, Yena.”

Yena scoffed. “I know it’s confusing. It’s confusing to me too. Seonghwa died once before I went back in time and saved him, right?” Wooyoung nodded and Yena continued. “So there were two timelines- the one where Seonghwa dies, and the one where I don’t let him die, understand? These timelines flowed together until I ‘deleted’ the timeline where Seonghwa dies, which means only I remember reliving twice. Understand?”

“Kind of,” Wooyoung said and everyone agreed. 

“Now, the risks of time travelling are many, the most basic being that if I change the past too much, I could risk creating multiple timelines. For me to not do that, I had to become one with my other existing self, which I could because of my magic. If two Yenas exist, two timelines exist, get it?”

“So how did Kieran know?” San asked.

“He’s… well, a genius and I hate to admit it,” Yena sighed. “I mean, his plan was perfect. He killed Seonghwa, knowing I’d manage to learn time travelling on my own to save him. He used Seonghwa to get me to learn what would have taken years in a few months. And then when I save Seonghwa… he takes me to use for his revenge. His plan was flawless but he forgot that all of you would also do anything to save me.”

“But how would he have figured all of this out? He must have killed Gaeul right when you arrived in the past, right when not one but two Yenas existed. Once, Gaeul stays dead, like Seonghwa. The other time, why doesn’t she simply live like Seonghwa?”

“I think Kieran didn’t kill her only once,” Yena answered Yeosang. “So Gaeul… she’s lived the past twice like me too, in that sense. She was killed not once but twice- at least that’s my theory. But even if she was killed once, Kieran must have known Gaeul possessed some certain sort of magic which would cause her magic to be very destructive when she comes back- and she came back as a result of the time dimension trying to fix itself.”

“But it’s all theory,” Seonghwa added. “There’s no way of knowing why this happened unless we ask Kieran himself and he is kind enough to explain… which he won’t. The important thing is how Kieran found out that Gaeul was special- and why Gaeul is special. Why was she the one Kieran chose to mess up everything.”

“Her bloodline is an obvious reason,” Jongho commented. “If Kieran had succeeded in his plan with getting Yena to travel back in time for his revenge, he might have used Gaeul’s anti-magic as a weapon. As you all saw today, San seems to be the only one who he might have targeted.”

“Bet Kieran didn’t predict that,” Mingi scoffed. “He should have done more research, in my opinion. Gaeul as a weapon would have worked but then San would be her weakness. And Kieran… I don’t think his plans were very flawless. I think his impulsivity and a bit of good luck must have been with him when he decided to kill Gaeul. Even Yena and Yeosang don’t know the principles of time magic fully- how would Kieran know, unless there’s someone else with time magic who helped him?”

“You’re right,” Yena nodded. “I think it’s better if we forget about the ‘how’ for now. Can you tell me what exactly happened today? If San is immune, why did his hand… die?”

San chuckled helplessly at the choice of her words. Hongjoong, who was sitting next to San, rubbed his thigh. “I’m the one to blame. If Yena hadn’t arrived on time, all of us would have been at risk. I was dumb-”

“Don’t worry, everyone makes mistakes, even the mighty Hongjoong,” Wooyoung waved his hand in dismissal. “Just tell us what happened.”

“San’s magic passes almost undetected inside her mind,” Hongjoong explained after shooting a glare at Wooyoung. “As soon as my magic attached with San’s, Gaeul’s magic attacked us, which is why San’s hand, uh, died.”

“But apparently, San’s magic is not inside her, and her magic is not inside him,” Yunho commented, watching how San, Hongjoong, Seonghwa and even Yena tensed. They definitely had a suspicion they weren’t telling out loud right now. “How is it possible that San is immune? If she had nature and earth magic, Jongho should have been immune, not San. Because her primary magic was nature, like Jongho’s. The black hole trail that we observed… most of them were around San’s kingdom too. And San could feel her, not her magic, which is why he arrived. Isn’t the answer… right in front of us?”

Yunho watched as understanding flashed across Yeosang and Mingi’s eyes while Jongho looked confused and Wooyoung- even more confused. San sighed. “We’re not sure, and we should look at every possible reason-”

“What are you not sure about?” Wooyoung looked from San to Yunho. “What are you not telling me?”

“Don’t tell this big mouth,” Yeosang laughed. “He’ll damage things beyond repair.”

Everyone including San laughed as they watched Wooyoung burst into a fit, saying he wasn’t dumb enough that he wouldn't figure it out soon. Jongho shook his head. “Let’s try to trigger her memories instead of roaming around in her mind from now on. Dangerous business, that is.”

“I agree,” Hongjoong nodded. “Let’s go to Ascella, take a look at the last black hole occurrence and see if it’s really a gateway to another world, and find out more about the yin-yang bloodline and the extent of their magic. Also… I think we should start to train Gaeul to control this magic instead of letting her magic control her. If she wants to live, she needs to live with this unnatural magic and accept it as her own.”

“Good idea, but I’d suggest training her in one of the other dimensions,” Yeosang raised his hands in surrender. “We don’t want to put others at risk.”

“Exactly… we’d need to train her in some other dimension. Anyways, it looks like Gaeul is awake.”

Everyone looked from San to Gaeul who was standing in the corner of the hall, looking extremely guilty. Hongjoong was the first to get up and the rest watched as he patted Gaeul awkwardly, apologising for what happened while Gaeul shook her head furiously, probably telling him it was okay-

“I can practically hear them,” Wooyoung scoffed. “So fucking predictable.”

Mingi and Yunho burst into giggles while Seonghwa glared at Wooyoung in amusement. Gaeul finally came to where everyone was sitting, looking nervously at Seonghwa and Yena who wore warm smiles. Gaeul’s eyes fell to San’s hand and he gave her a thumbs up, watching how she visibly relaxed.

Gaeul looked back at Yena and Seonghwa, bowing. “Thank you for saving everyone… and me.”

“It was nothing,” Yena grinned, getting up and shaking her hand and the rest grinned at how awed Gaeul looked. “I’m Yena.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Princess Yena,” Gaeul smiled.

“All good things, I hope. Just call me Yena. And call this grumpy ass Seonghwa.”

“Hey!” Seonghwa scoffed. “Grumpy who?”

“You’re making her nervous staring at her!” Yena shook her head, looking at Gaeul. “The first time I met Seonghwa, I couldn’t eat my dinner because he didn’t even look at his food while eating, just kept staring at me. Please ignore his rude habit of staring.”

“That was different!” Seonghwa laughed. “I saw two of you! Of course I would stare!”

“Gaeul’s basically an alien, of course you would stare,” Wooyoung mocked. “You have no right to make my guest uncomfortable!”

“I think I should leave,” Seonghwa started to get up and everyone laughed, Gaeul waving her hands nervously. 

“Please, I’m used to all this staring now,” Gaeul looked pointedly at Hongjoong who gasped. Seonghwa thanked her, apologising for rudely staring which Gaeul dismissed, taking the empty seat between Yunho and San. She couldn’t meet eyes with San, feeling extremely guilty that she hurt the one person who had helped her the most. 

“We’re wondering if you would like to go to your hometown,” Yena asked with a smile. “It might trigger your memories and we’d know more about what happened to you so we can do something about it.”

Gaeul looked hopeless but Wooyoung added, “We want to train you, Gaeul. You should live with this magic. It might not seem to be the best magic to possess right now but it might come in handy.”

“Come in handy?” Gaeul scoffed. “Me hurting people and killing them with an unnatural death would come in handy?”

“You could join the police…” Jongho suggested but shut up when everyone glared at him, relaxing when Gaeul laughed at that. “Just a suggestion. What I’m trying to say is that there is order in chaos too. We need to be able to order your chaos.”

“Right,” Gaeul nodded slowly. “And if I can’t control it?”

The room fell silent and San was about to protest when Gaeul raised a hand. “All of you are here tonight. You’re the reason this world is in order. If I do anything that disrupts this order… I want you to kill me- I don’t want to cause irreversible damage, and we’ve seen what I can do. I should have been dead anyway.”

“Well,” Yena was the first to speak. “Life is a gift, no matter how hard it is. Let’s stay optimistic for now, yeah? Don’t give up so easily, Gaeul. And remember that fate works in mysterious ways- whatever’s happening now that is so confusing will all make sense one day.”

Gaeul wasn’t sure she understood entirely and wondered if Yena had a story to tell about it- perhaps one day she would hear it. She sighed and nodded. “Let’s go to Ascella then. Who’s coming?”

taglist: @yunnierights @monstaxdirtywonk @moni-cah @uyumilk @atxxzist @hazysan @bewitchedinyourhunger @kk-fleury @sincostansan @onedumbho3 @wooya1224 @icouldntcareless22 @jjaelly @huachengsbestie01 @ztjileen @charreddonuts @mdibby @gugggu6gvai

[wastelandmoony]

Déjà Vécu: Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Eight : Foundation

Summary: Lupin can't draw.

Characters: Remus Lupin/Reader, Sirius Black/Reader (no use of y/n), James Potter, Petter Pettigrew, Regulus Black, Marlene McKinnon, Mary MacDonald, Lily Evans

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI

Déjà Vécu Masterlist

Companion Playlist

Read on AO3

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August 10th, 1976

Remus forgave Sirius over the summer. She wasn’t sure of the specifics, nor did she pry, but the four boys had apparently spent time together at Potter Manor and fought it out. James had invited her to visit, a few times actually, to which she politely declined each and every letter. She just couldn’t see Sirius. Though the incident had been months prior, the rage was still there, waiting just under the surface for her to break. She didn’t ask Remus why he had decided to speak to Sirius again, frankly she didn’t care, his reasons were his own. He had tried to explain parts of Sirius’ alleged reasoning behind the betrayal, calling it a “prank gone wrong”, but she shut him down quickly. There was no excuse for what he did, and the attempt to blame it on Sirius’ lingering trauma was a slap in the face after all of the time she had spent consoling and helping him heal from his family. The progress she thought they had made was for nothing. He had proven his parents right, he was truly the heir to the noble House of Black.

The summer was relaxing otherwise, and she was able to spend a lot of time with her parents, much to their elation. The three of them went on weekly excursions to museums and parks, soaking up culture and experiencing all that the muggle world had to offer. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed it. In early August, they took a trip to the British Museum to see a new opening of a show on Impressionism. As her mother stood entranced by the pastel hued works, she snuck off to wander the halls. On one of the upper floors, there was a nearly deserted gallery dedicated to prints and drawings, and she almost sighed with relief at finally being away from crowds of people. 

Posting up on one of the slatted wooden benches, she pulled out her sketchbook and began to draw. When she finished a delicate rendition of a Circe print that had caught her eye, she tapped the book covertly with her wand, showing it to Remus. A few short moments later he replied in his normal scratchy handwriting.

She reminds me of you.

She bit back a laugh, scribbling a note back to him, How so?

A few moments lingered again.

Powerful sorceress, good with herbs and potions, loves to hang out with animals.

I’m a witch, not a sorceress, Remus.

She could practically hear his laughter through the paper, You’re splitting hairs, love.

He followed the message with a crudely drawn doodle of a wolf, a stag, a little rat, and a dog. At least...she assumed that’s what it was. 

———

September 1st, 1976

For the first time in her Hogwarts career, she sat with Lily, Mary, and Marlene in their compartment on the way to school. She had spotted the boys on the platform upon arrival, offering a small wave to Remus, Peter, and James. When she had turned to follow Lily onto the train, James yelled for her, voice laden with confusion. He must’ve thought the summer would have tampered her feelings. She looked back to see Remus whispering in his ear, James nodding to her in understanding. 

Sirius stood behind them, watching her from afar.

During the feast that night, she ate amongst her fellow Hufflepuffs, the house that she loved and admired, but still did not feel quite at-home in. Across the Great Hall, her friends were laughing, and her heart began to break.

———

September 24th, 1976

Remus was practically on his knees begging. So far, he’d harassed her at breakfast, in the corridor after her first class, and again at lunch. Now he was caging her between his arms against a pillar in the central hall, pleading with her to come to a party in Gryffindor Tower that night.

“Please, please, pleaseeeeee!” He whined, “Please don’t leave me alone with them.”

She sighed, “I said no, Remus.” 

“But it’s Peter’s birthday party, he’ll be upset if you’re not there.”

She cut him a look, “He’ll get over it, I promise.”

“Please,” he stooped down to her eye level, “I’m begging you. I’ll owe you for life. Just come with me to the party, you can stay by my side and I won’t even let Sirius near you.”

She almost winced at his name. 

“Remus…” She didn’t want to think about Sirius. Didn’t want to breathe the same air as him. Just seeing him in passing was like being stabbed in the gut repeatedly. She wasn’t sure if she could weather it. 

Remus’ eyes softened, “I know, I’m sorry. I just…I’ve missed you being around, and I know James and Pete have too. You can’t stay away from us forever, you’re an honorary Marauder.”

A laugh burst out of her mouth, “I’m sorry, a what?”

He smiled, “The Marauders. It’s the name we came up with over the summer at James’. Well, he came up with it, we all just went along when he wouldn’t stop saying it.”

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” she chuckled again.

Remus laughed too and hugged her, “I know it is, but you’re a part of it too. I need you, the boys need you. Please come tonight.”

She melted into his embrace, savoring the warmth that only seemed to radiate from Remus. 

“Fine,” she groaned, earning herself a squeeze and a kiss on the top of her head.

“Brilliant, I’ll see you at 9,” and Remus finally let go and shot her a satisfied wink before he ran off to class. 

———

She’d been to so many Gryffindor parties that she couldn’t keep track, and each one had felt like a house party filled with her closest friends, no matter the occasion. Tonight though, she felt like she was walking into the lions den (no pun intended). The rhythm of her heart threatened to drown out the booming sound of The Ramones blaring through the common room. Even though it was Pete’s birthday party, Sirius had clearly commandeered the music selection.

She searched for Remus, finally landing on his shaggy brown hair sitting next to James near the fire. Pushing through bodies, she dropped between her two friends with a dramatic sigh.

“There she is!” James yelled, spilling some sort of amber liquid on the floor. He grabbed her face and kissed her cheek aggressively.

She laughed and shook him off, “Are you pissed?” 

James smiled, his eyes starting to become distant, “I’m gettin’ there.”

Remus leaned in to whisper in her ear “This is precisely why I needed you here. I can’t deal with all of them drunk off their asses.”

She let out another laugh as she noticed Lily stalking across the room towards the record player, stopping the needle abruptly.

The loud shout from the other side of the common room could only be one person. 

“Oi! Evans! What’re you doing!” Sirius grabbed the record from her hands like a precious jewel. 

Lily pulled out another album, flashing him a wicked smile, “I’m trying to liven up this party with some dancing.” 

When the needle hit, Abba began to play, leading to a loud shriek from a few girls around the party, including herself and Mary. Lily met her eyes from across the room and held out an inviting hand.

She paused for a minute, knowing that Sirius was within earshot, knowing he would be watching.

Fuck it.

She leapt up and grabbed Lily’s hand, the two of them spinning and moving to Waterloo. Mary and Marlene flanked them, the latter dragging Dorcas along and coercing her to join in. She forgot about the party, forgot about the room entirely, and most importantly, she forgot about Sirius. All she knew was her friends dancing beside her, laughing and smiling. She briefly locked eyes with Peter, standing behind the couch and laughing along to their dancing. Wiggling her fingers in his direction she called to him, “C’mon birthday boy, dance with me!” Pete beamed and spun her around, falling into step easily. He was a particularly good dancer, much to her surprise.

“How’d you get so good at this?” she said over the music. Pete spun her wide, pulling back to have her pressed to his chest as they swayed. 

“Perks of growing up with an older sister, I suppose,” he laughed into her ear.

She smiled, the first genuine one she’d had in a while.

“I’m glad you came tonight,” Pete said quietly, “I’ve missed you, it’s been weird not having you around.”

She reached up and scratched his head fondly. Pete leaned down and kissed her cheek, finally giving her one last twirl. As the music faded and the room stopped spinning, her eyes landed on Sirius holed up in a corner of the room, tossing back what she knew wasn’t his first firewhisky. His eyes never left hers as the glass drained down his throat.

When the next song began to play, she sat back beside Remus, out of breath but feeling rejuvenated. James had gotten up and was now talking to Lily, who it seemed had finally begun speaking to him again, a small blush creeping up her freckled face.

Remus put his arm around her, “It’s good to see you smile again.”

She leaned her head on his shoulder, listening as a few 3rd years began to sing along to Sitting In The Palmtree, and relaxed.

———

If James Potter was one thing, he was a man of his word; and that man was good and truly pissed within the first hour of her being at the party. Her and Remus watched him from the window, dancing and singing atop a table to Elton John. 

“He’s actually not bad,” Remus mused, fishing a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He held one out, which she accepted as they both watched James spin around, using a bottle as a microphone.

She hummed as Remus lit both cigarettes, propping open the window to blow smoke out into the cold air. 

“So,” He took a drag and side-eyed her, “are you happy you came?”

She flicked at the filter, not wanting to give Remus the satisfaction of being right. 

“Yes…” she mumbled, taking another drag and refusing to look at him. 

She heard him laugh quietly beside her, leaning over to kiss her head, “I’m glad. I want things to go back to normal.” 

She sighed a trail of smoke, the tendrils curling around her face as she stared out into the night. “I’m not sure if it can, Moony. Maybe it can get better, but it can’t be like it was.” 

Remus didn’t push her, just stood in companionable silence as they watched the stars. She tossed her cigarette butt out the window, the embers dancing in the breeze. 

“It’s fuckin’ freezing,” She rubbed her arms, “Mind if I borrow one of your jumpers?”

Remus took a final pull of his cigarette and nodded, “Go ahead, you know where they are, top drawer.” He motioned towards the boys dorm. 

She weaved through the (now mostly drunk) partygoers, grabbing Lily once to twirl her around before heading up the stairs to the boys bedroom. The sound of people at the top of the spiral staircase made her cringe, she didn’t feel like walking through two horny 4th years trying to get off in the solitude of the upper levels. As she turned the corner to the top landing, she came face to face with a pretty blonde entangled with a dark haired boy. The girls’ hands were fumbling with his pants as he moved to kiss up her neck sloppily. Even from across the landing she could tell both of them were completely drunk. 

“Can you two have intercourse somewhere else? Maybe somewhere more private?” She called, moving towards the dormitory door.

The boy looked up and she froze. Sirius’s blue eyes shot through her and for a moment, she couldn’t breathe. For what felt like an eternity, he stared at her, and she could have sworn something like longing flickered behind his drunken gaze. As quickly as she saw it, it was gone, replaced by a smug expression that she had seen Regulus wear too many times to count. 

“C’mon Em,” he slurred, “Let’s go to my room.”

“You can at least wait until I leave, you know,” she shot at him, surprising even herself. 

Sirius turned around slightly as he opened the dormitory door, “What’re you even doing up here?” His voice was cold, and it shook her to the core. 

“Remus said I could borrow one of his jumpers,” she muttered, suddenly feeling so small under his scrutiny. 

Without another word, Sirius dragged the blonde girl into the dormitory, collapsing onto his bed. The girl climbed on top of him and they resumed the exploration of each other’s mouths. 

The last thing she wanted was to be seen as weak, let alone by Sirius fucking Black of all people. She squared her shoulders and strode to Remus’ closet, making a loud show of finding the right drawer containing his jumpers. As she aggressively slammed one of them shut, Sirius moaned loudly. He was playing the game too, it seems. 

Ripping a green and brown jumper from the top drawer, she spun around to find him glancing up at her from beneath the girl, eyes challenging as his hands continued to roam her body. 

She wouldn’t let him win this. 

She tore off her shirt and tossed it onto the floor, standing in the center of the room in just jeans and a bra and stared back at him, face cool and expressionless. She stood there for a beat, watching as Sirius’ mouth went slack, causing his partner to whine against his lips. At the sight of his barely contained shock, his eyes briefly jumping from her face to her chest, she pulled Remus’ jumper over her head and stormed out, slamming the door behind her. 

———

October 15th, 1976

Emmeline Vance had a death wish, though she didn’t know it. Apparently the fondling during Peter’s birthday party wasn’t a one time thing, and the blonde was now an almost constant fixture at their table in the Great Hall. The entire situation made everyone uncomfortable, but none of them had the guts to tell Sirius to cut it off. The little Ravenclaw sat in his lap, her favorite seat apparently, and her hands would be on him in some capacity at all times. 

The sight of them made her physically ill, so after a week of trying to suck it up and just not look at his side of the table, she decided to sit with the Hufflepuffs, much to Remus and James’ frustration. 

She didn’t like Emmeline, it wasn’t like when Sirius had dated Mary a few years ago. Mary was fun, and witty, and could match Sirius on his attitude any day. Emmeline was a parrot, just giggling and repeating everything he said, no real opinion or thoughts on any topic. The worst thing about her though, was that she was mean. Not cruel in the way that Regulus and his group of assholes were, but she was rude and stuck-up, especially to younger years. One morning, a small 1st year had accidentally bumped her with their schoolbag when leaving the Great Hall, and Emmeline had shot them a death glare and spat “Watch where you’re going, idiot.” The first year scuttled off, looking on the verge of tears.

She almost leapt across the table and strangled her. But if that was the type of girl Sirius wanted, then fine. 

The rest of the group largely ignored them, not that Emmeline seemed to mind, she only cared about touching Sirius, kissing Sirius, groping Sirius, and licking Sirius (as they all had the pleasure of witnessing early one Wednesday morning; Peter had choked on his tea).

She tried to move on, tried training her heart to not reach for Sirius every time she passed him in the corridors. At times when he would creep into her thoughts, she quickly shut down an impenetrable wall of steel, blocking out the memories of him entirely; the color of his eyes, the sound of his laugh, the feeling of his chest rising and falling as he slept. 

Eventually, Sirius became an afterthought, a bookmark in a chapter of her life that she had closed. And slowly, but surely, she moved on.

[avoidantrecovery]

many many moons ago, when i was still in school, a boy confessed to me. or maybe he confessed to me, the thing is i don't think i'll ever know.

this avoidant thing is a real bitch, and quite frankly i don't know how others do it. when i wake up, feeling a bit less crazy than usual, i just have to remember this event and yeah, no normal person does this, but also idk.

we were on a school trip and i was smitten, okay? the kind of crush you can only have when you're seventeen. but at the same time, remember i am already in depth of my avoidance. in the depths of not talking about myself or connecting with others genuinely. i don't talk about this crush, he is a secret i harbour in the deepest depths of my consciousness, you couldn't have tortured his name out of me at that point. i couldn't even admit this crush to myself, even my diary is devoid of any mention of him. but when i saw him in school, my head would turn towards him like a freaking sunflower towards the sun, whilst hoping i was not too obvious about it all. did i mention that i sat next to him at the time, we shared a double desk lol.

so, fall turned into winter and nothing much changed. despite sharing a desk, we were not close and only exchanged a few polite words every day. every now and then he'd rope me into small conversations, but i was convinced he was just polite or perhaps it was just some ploy to get me to get my guard down/humiliate myself. (this was the peer-abuse trauma still reverberating). in fact i would try to observe if he was talking to others this way, too. and though i never saw him do it, i just shrugged it off. i may have had a crush on him, but there was no way it could happen the other way around.

winter turned into early spring and our school trip finally came. it was a week-long school exchange to a neighbouring country. half way through the week, we went to the morning assembly of our partner school with our exchange partners and all we had to do is sit around since we didn't speak their language. anyway, suddenly, this boy was on the stage with his partner and locked eyes with me and said something in their language. i just sat there looking kind of out of place and then the moment passed. i never understood what he actually said or whether he said it to me or just my general direction. my exchange partner, a really sweet girl, tapped me on my shoulders and was like, "i think..., i think he just said he likes you". and the only way i can explain what happened next, because i was shaken to the core and scared, is that trauma brain kicked in, because i just said "oh no, i don't think so" and that was that. regardless of whether that was a weird way to confess or not, in front of everyone, or i misunderstood the situation, that moment felt like death to me, that i narrowly managed to escape. also, strangely enough he never brought it up again either.

it's only recently i have been able to put together what i think happened (at least on my end). i've mentioned a couple of times how, much earlier than that, when i was a new kid in sixth grade, my classmates nearly drowned me. well, what i didn't mention is how it happened, it involved a lot of gaslighting me into believing they were my friends, a lot of lying and pretending essentially. and the day it happened, i had already decided that these classmates of mine were bad and that i would be very careful around them. ironically enough it was also a school trip, a daytrip to a pool. anyway, they spent the whole day trying to get back into my good graces, because i was fine playing on my own and just doing my own thing, ignoring them, i was grayrocking them pretty much.

but then this little hopeful voice in me kind of came up and said, but what if..., what if they actually finally want to be your friend? that voice was good and brave and hopeful and essentially it's that voice that we all have, that pushes us over the edge when we need that extra push to be brave, you know? and it told me how nice it would be to have friends to play with and not be alone. it told me to put my doubts aside and just try. i told them i wasn't a strong swimmer, and they insisted that that was no issue and they'd take me to the deep end with them no issue. and so i went with them. and just when i took that leap of faith, they left me alone for dead, nearly drowning me. it nearly cost me my life. and i think from that day onwards, that voice has been quiet. the one that makes us take a leap, you know?

and so i think when my crush locked eyes with me and said whatever it is he said, i was essentially (without being aware of it in the moment obv.) in the same situation, the kind that needs you to be vulnerable, have hope, be brave and take that leap of faith. and instead i felt like i was dying (drowning?) and just wanted to get out of the situation as fast as i could, like that kind of situation that needs you to be brave is also a trauma trigger. and i was convinced that it was just some ploy to trick me or humiliate me or maybe he lost a bet or sth, and i was not a dummy, i wasn't going to fall for that.

another moment that i remember from that trip is the whole class being invited to this youth center type place to hang out in the evening. since we were all scattered across the little town, his exchange partner who happened to live close to mine, offered to drive us but when they came to pick us up, he asked whether i wanted to watch a movie at his exchange partners house instead. i remember saying, we can't just watch a movie together, the others will wonder where we are. i didn't say no lol. but we ended up going to the youth center place. but the thing is, he never asked me watch movies when we were back home, why there? and again, he never brought it up again.

anyway, this is a story that has just been knocking about in my head recently when dealing with limerence and trauma and all this. i guess i'm writing it in an effort to "talk about me" from the quote i linked above. and since i don't have anyone i could possibly tell this story irl, typing it out will do for now. i'm kind of hoping this will purge it out of my system hopefully.

fun fact, because of the kind of job he does now, i had the pleasure of being jumpedscared by him on a billboard near my place. i also looked him up recently in the hopes of finding some anti-limerence information, so my digust (or disinterest) would finally help me put this chapter to rest. i went in thinking i will find some information that will just make me think ewwwww, but instead i folded as soon as i opened his insta. i folded like the weak bitch that i am, what can i say, he still has great arms. 🤷🏾‍♀️

if you've read this far, i am so sorry 😭😭

[shynypeacekitten]

Five Times the Residents of Littlewood Stuck Their Noses Where They Don't Belong

Summary: Explained by the title >:) Hpapy bornday

Pairing: Marley x Oliver

Tags: Fluff, crack, swimming in a river in Egypt, Oliver being absolutely down bad, nothing bad happens ever au, no angst no trauma nothing

Warnings: My knowledge of this universe is limited to what I’ve been told and also the slideshow so maybe ooc, I also made up the relationship dynamics 😭, underage drinking mentioned, fleeting mention of drug use at school, I say “Oliver” 48 times

Word count: 1.7k

Oliver liked it in Littlewood. He really did.

It had Marley, lots of cool new friends, safety, Marley, a good supply of potatoes, Marley, and a place where he didn't have to fight for his life at every moment. 

Except, Oliver grumbled in his mind, maybe he kind of did.

Take just a few months ago, for example. Oliver had been sitting there, minding his own business and replaying an interaction he'd just had. Normal stuff, right?

There he sat, face cupped in his hands and elbows propped up on the table in front of him as he remembered how his very good friend Marley had walked by; Marley had been looking ahead at first, but he must have seen Oliver out of the corner of his eye because he'd turned to smile and wave. Marley's eyebrows had raised a little, his lips had curled into a small smile, and he'd lifted his entire forearm to wave at Oliver. 

That was a lot of effort for a wave. 

Marley had also been looking ahead; was Oliver sitting far enough into his field of vision for him to have casually noticed him, or did Marley just have more awareness for black blobs in his peripheral vision? Maybe he—

All of a sudden, Oliver heard this agitating, grating voice approach and make itself comfortable right in front of him.

"God, you're hopeless." 

"You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?" Oliver shot back, begrudgingly opening his eyes to torture them with the sight of his good friend, (good riddance, you mean) Piper Fang, leaning back against the table behind her and across from Oliver, a stupid grin on her stupid face.

Piper's grin only widened. "I don't knoowww," she sing-songed, tilting her head irritatingly to the side. "I can actually greet my friends like a functioning human being."

Oliver went to make a comment about how she had no friends, but stupid Piper—who always had to be one step ahead—saw it coming and spoke in sync with him, putting on a mocking voice and making a face.

Even when she finally got up to leave, Piper reached out to smack Oliver on the head as a parting gift. The two briefly fought for possession of the rabbit’s head before Piper managed to snag one of his ears, and the several losses left Oliver in a foul mood. 

But Piper wasn’t finished with Oliver yet.

A month after the fateful greeting, Piper went and got herself an annoying boyfriend who reminded Oliver a little bit of Marley but not very much because Marley was not annoying and not overconfidently good at everything. 

And most importantly, Oliver did not have beef with Marley. 

If Marley wanted to get beef with him, though, maybe—

Anyways, Oliver had been hanging around with his amazing friend Marley when he looked over the fox's shoulder to see Piper and Isaiah very obviously spying. 

They were standing by Isaiah's obnoxious motorbike, both faces turned and openly staring at Marley and Oliver. They didn't even turn away when Oliver made offended eye contact with them over Marley's shoulder! In fact, Piper had opened her jacket to reveal a shirt with the words "DUMP HIM" in large red letters. 

Where did she get that shirt? Did she just wear it around in case the opportunity to clown presented itself? Why were they friends?

Marley was not taking it anywhere near as seriously as he should have, and he simply laughed and rolled his eyes when Oliver brought it up to him, chuckling about how the two were menaces.

Shortly after, Oliver heard the unmistakable sound of Isaiah's motorbike revving and the combined voices of Idiot Number One and her horrible choice of a boyfriend. He didn't hear what they said over the roar of the bike that served as his unwanted alarm clock most days, but he could bet that it was something suggestive and stupid, judging from the shit-eating grins speeding past him and the embarrassed blush creeping up Marley's cheeks. 

How did one see a blush on red fur? Oliver didn't know. 

Perhaps life and its phenomena would be easier explained if he could brush all the blame off on Piper or her now (thankfully) ex.

Unfortunately, that was not the case.

Wulfric the raven was a pretty cool dude. He'd helped Oliver and his friends a lot while they'd been trying to survive together, and he'd told them of Littlewood and its safety.

He did, however, give unsolicited advice that Oliver didn't even need.

For example, Oliver had been minding his own business, watching—ahem, listening to Marley talk about the cool photos he took on his most recent mission for resources when a loud "HEY, LISTEN" squawked from above.

Now, Oliver had heard this greeting many times and didn't startle anymore, but what befuddled him was what came next: relationship advice. To be specific, romantic relationship advice. It wasn't very good, either.

As Wulfric yapped on about consent and tea for some reason, something rose in Oliver's chest. 

It felt a bit like fear, but what reason would Oliver have to be fearful? Perhaps if he secretly liked Marley and felt that Wulfric's bad advice hinted at his hidden feelings and he didn't want to confess by way of a sentient bird, but Oliver didn't like Marley that way, so that couldn't be it. Was he embarrassed? Perhaps. Maybe he was a little irritated, too. He and Marley were not dating each other; they were not dating anyone! Oliver told Wulfric so.

"Oh? What's that?" Wulfric suddenly perked up with way more perk than he usually gave. "I think I'm being called away by The Wizard. Oops, gotta go!" And he flew away, leaving no one convinced.

Oliver's face burned, and it was because he didn't want to be given relationship advice when he wasn't even in a relationship and because he would definitely never be interested in Oliver that way at all. 

It was not because Wulfric's bad NPC advice was treading into very dangerous territory with Marley right there, because there was no dangerous territory when Marley was there. 

Because Oliver did not like Marley that way. No, sir.

It seemed no one else could see that, however, and yet another person Oliver could blame for sticking their nose where it didn't belong was resident Golden Boy Anthony. 

Tony was awesome, except for that one time he'd mom-friended too close to the sun and gotten everything completely, totally, definitely wrong.

It was the morning after Oliver and Marley had decided to be the reckless teenagers they were and engaged in a light spot of underage drinking.

Okay, a lot of underage drinking. A tremendous spot, if you will.

If his head didn’t hurt so badly, Oliver would have been wondering how and why they were not seen or stopped. 

But it did. 

So he was not. 

Perhaps it had something to do with the apocalypse.

Mind-numbing logic aside, Oliver had been very hungover and wondering what his alcohol tolerance would be if he'd drunk as well as done drugs back at school when the sun itself came waltzing into his room.

Squinting against the onslaught of good influence, Oliver saw the blurry outline of Tony placing an assortment of snacks and some water on a table before approaching the bed. Tony fussed over Oliver for a bit, muttering about "kids these days" and "should have taken a fire extinguisher for Marley", and then said something so outrageous it could have been a figment of Oliver's hungover imagination:

"I'm glad you two are taking steps to further your relationship together, but please don't forget to look after yourself while pursuing Marley." He gently scolded. "I want you both to—"

He didn't make it much further before Oliver jolted, eyes widening as much as they could without causing pain and a waterfall of denials tumbling from his lips. What did Tony mean ‘further their relationship’? He wasn't ‘pursuing Marley’!

None of this seemed to deter Tony, who only gave Oliver a Mom Look™. 

"Okay," he sighed, the corners of his mouth suspiciously twitchy. "Just make good decisions, and be sure to think things through." He turned to leave, paused, and looked back just before closing the door.

"Go see Marley when you've eaten and had something to drink. I think it'll make you both feel a bit better."

Of course it would, Oliver thought. Because they could poke fun at each other for being in pain. No other reason.

But Tony had been right. Seeing each other often put Marley and Oliver in a much better mood, hangover or not. Much like how seeing Oliver had put a smile on Marley's face all those months ago, Oliver felt as if simply being in the presence of his fox friend made him a better person. The strength of Marley's fire warmed and defined the shape of Oliver's shadow, and Oliver didn't know who he'd be without it.

Which is why it should have been completely normal and expected for him to greet the very platonic light of his life by running full speed at him, flinging himself bodily at his sun, and cheering, "MAR MAR!"

That, however, was not how anyone else saw it.

An "awwww" came cooing from behind, and Oliver whipped his head around to see Jackie holding her face, a rapidly growing smile spreading across it. "You two are adorable! I'm so happy for you—"

"WE'RE NOT TOGETHER!" Oliver shoved away from Marley in a panic. "I mean— I'm very straight I love girls so much they are so women," he rambled, eyes flicking from Marley's faintly confused face and what looked like—but could not have been—a knowing smile on Jackie's. What did she know? There was nothing for her to know!

"We are very good friends isn't that right my super awesome boy friend who is just a friend and a boy and who has some very important things to do with me right now mm hmm sorry gotta go." And he grabbed Marley's arm, turned, and sped off, lungs burning from the exertion of speaking without breathing and definitely not because his heart was working overtime.

It didn't matter that Jackie was almost literally a cloud of bubblegum and friendliness and okay with it. It didn't matter that even Piper's stupid ex thought he could see and say something about it. It did not matter that every one of their friends and their talking ravens were supportively poking around in their business because there was no business to be discovered.

Oliver did not. Like. Marley. That way.

Right?

for @thesplashyeth

[supervivens]

The First Step is Always the Hardest

It's hard to imagine just one day out of your entire existence where you aren't plagued by memories of the past. Not a single day passes where I don't play back memories of my past, happy and sad, but still devastating nonetheless. I wake up every morning in my own bedroom. You would think that this would be a safe space void of memories. But every single atom in that room has a memory attached to it; the bed I was assaulted in more times than I can remember and I didn't even realise, the makeup stand that housed his products and aftershaves, the clothes rack that held his t-shirts and hoodies that I begged for, the photo frames that I ripped down after we split up, and wanted to burn once I realised he had assaulted me. Every part of my bedroom contains memories of him that will never go away. Somedays, I wish that those memories would just disappear, it would make the healing process much easier in theory, wouldn't it? However, I know if I had no memories of the years of pain he subjected then I would have no answers for the life long trauma he has left me with. 

We were in a relationship for almost 2 years, he was my first everything: my first serious boyfriend, my first kiss, my first time. I was a virgin when we met, I'd never kissed a boy before, never even held a boys hand before. So when we met I was so excited because he genuinely seemed interested in me. At first it was amazing, we talked all day everyday, he complimented me everyday, told me how proud he was of me for all my successes and failures, he cycled an hour just so we could meet in-person for the first time. But I still missed the early signs. Even early on in our relationship, before we were even officially together, he would bring up sex constantly, to the point it was a daily conversation. Don't get me wrong, I understand sex is normal and comes hand in hand with most relationships, but I was a virgin and I was terrified of the idea of sex. When we were organising to meet for the first time, he kept bringing up running off somewhere into the woods near where I lived; it was a very dense area of forest and only dog walkers really went in as there was nothing but trees. Every day he would bring up running into the woods and having sex, whether that was against a tree or lay on the ground or sat in his lap. And every day I would have to explain that I didn't want to do that yet as I wasn't ready; this was embarrassing enough that I had to tell my soon to be boyfriend that I didn't want to have sex with him, and even more embarrassing when he would disappear for hours at a time because he was upset with me over it. But this wasn't the end.

Sex became a daily conversation, paragraphs sent to me telling me what he would do when we had sex (on the rare occasions when we did have consensual sex he never lived up to those fantasies), asking for nudes repeatedly even when I told him I was busy or wasn't feeling great. Then about a month into our official relationship, we had planned a hike up into the hills near his home, it was late winter so not many people were out at this point of the year as it was so cold but it was still lockdown so we made do with what we had. About 2 hours before we were due to meet up, he told me he had bought condoms; at first I didn't make the connection and just acted confused and didn't think anything of it. Then he expanded that he had bought a picnic blanket so that we can find somewhere secluded and have sex. I was so scared. I wasn't ready. I didn't want to. But he was my boyfriend and he really liked me and wouldn't hurt me right? He just wants to show me he loves me right? He wants this. So I went on the walk. And I have never been so thankful to the pair of dog walkers who stumbled upon our secluded spot, thus ruining the secret rendezvous he had planned. The whole way home I was relieved in a way I didn't understand. I wish I had thought more about it at the time and walked away whilst I had the chance.

This continued for 2 more months, begging me for sex, saying he was in pain with 'blue balls'; from my understanding now blue balls are real but normally only happen when a man has 'held out' for a long period of time without any relief - whether that is his partner or his own hand. I didn't know this at the time; I thought he was genuinely in such pain and only having sex with me could fix it. It was a few weeks after my birthday that I lost my virginity to him. In the days prior to this, he had told me he was in pain, he was getting bored, telling me about his sex life with his ex-girlfriend, and constant conversations about it. So one day, when my house was empty, I finally agreed to have sex with him. I want to help him right? I'm his girlfriend its what I'm supposed to do right? He wants you, why are you holding out on him? I was so scared I was shaking. I had read online about losing your virginity that morning, and I was prepared for a little pain. I wasn't prepared for the agony that ensued. It felt like I was burning from the inside out, I wanted to cry and scream at the same time, I wanted him to stop and I was pressing against his chest to get him to stop moving and pushing but he kept going saying how much he was enjoying it. I don't know how long I lay there waiting for the pain to stop like the online posts said it would. It never stopped, just eased a little to become bearable. He asked me why I wasn't making any noise or enjoying it like he was. So I started to play the part, acting how he wanted me to so I could please him. The pain started to become unbearable again, so I faked an orgasm so that he would stop. That didn't work, he just kept going, so I lied and said my phone had vibrated and my family must be on their way home. He rapidly got off me, said he wanted a shower and disappeared. I lay there for a while catching my breath wondering what had happened and how I had just lost my virginity. I thought this was normal; the pain, the need to fake an orgasm in the vain hope he would stop, lying about my family coming home so he would get off me. All I could think was, no that's not how it went! Stop thinking like that! He loves you and you helped his pain and, remember, he loves you. He was enjoying it so much that's why he didn't stop. He loves you, he loves you, he loves you. At the time, all I could think was, 'is this really what love is?'. I didn't know any different.

I didn't know what coercive rape meant until 9 months ago. And now I know what it means, I know I am not a victim. I hate the word victim - I am a survivor, not a victim. The word victim doesn't fit with me because it conflicts with my thoughts. I consented didn't I? Yes he begged and begged and wouldn't stop talking about it? NO. Consent is not valid if you have to be begged to agree. Consent is valid when you WANT to continue from the second the conversation starts and can be withdrawn at any moment. It isn't an 'I don't know' or 'I'm not sure', it's not a 'you'll change your mind when you see how good it is'. No means no. My no meant no. Your no meant no.  But I let mine become a false yes because of his desperation to have sex, and I regret that to this day because it has left me with so many mental and physical scars that I'm scared to let anyone see. But it was not my fault. It was not your fault. It is not anyones fault but his. 

So I am sharing my story with you, in the hopes that not only will I start to heal, but to also show you that you are not alone. This is only a small part of my story, an introduction you might say. But I am determined to share my story to those who will listen; the more I stay quiet, the more we stay quiet, the more power they gain. I will not let them have anymore power over me. Over us.

I am taking back control of my life. 

This is my first step. 

And I hope to bring you along for the journey.

[mykneeshurt]

HIII 💗💗

I love your writing and your work, so I was wondering if I could request Gaz x Reader for COD !

so like I was thinking about like hurt/comfort sorta thing? like if the reader was like sad about something and like about to cry and if Gaz would like comfort them or somth ??

sry if this sounds too confusing,, idk how to explain 😭

Probably went H.A.M on this lmao but this was cute to write. I don’t normally write for Gaz outside of head cannons so I hope this is ok!

Warnings - mentions of gore, COD typical violence, mentions of trauma, flashbacks, mentions of survivors guilt

Checking your clock it read 03:00, the witching hour. You could sleep, plagued with images of your last mission. Which went horribly wrong, you’d lost some good men, good friends that day. You’d been back on base 3 days, and while no one expected you to be over it yet, if at all, you did. You needed to move on, to get over it, you needed to prove to yourself that you weren’t weak.

Giving in you decided some fresh air might help, getting dressed you pulled the door closed behind you. You made your way down the corridors until you made it to the training field. Lying down you stared up at the night sky, counting the stars above you. A warm salty tear slowly drifted down your cheek.

‘Hey, you ok?’ The sudden noise made you jump, quickly you wiped away the tear and tried to hide your face. ‘Oh, hi Gaz. Didn’t think anyone else was up.’ You sniffed, desperately trying to hide the fact you were crying. ‘Yeah, can’t sleep. Never can before I ship out. Heard you leave your room, just wanted to check on you.’

Hearing that from him meant the world, you thought a lot of Gaz, he was a good solider and even better friend. You’d always fancied him, but he wasn’t to know that. ‘I’m fine’ you muttered, pleading your voice not to crack. Gaz sat down on the soft grass next to you ‘aww come on now, can’t bullshit a bullshitter’ he smiled. He placed his arm around you, pulling you in close to him.

You sighed, choosing to remain silent. ‘Crying isn’t a sign of weakness yanno’ he began, testing the waters. ‘Can’t let emotion build up in this job, it comes out when you least expect it. If you need to cry, cry. I promise I won’t tell anyone.’ You stifled a laugh, but it was no use, to tears fell. They fell hard and fast. ‘I don’t even know where to begin’ you sniffed.

‘Well, start with why you can’t sleep? What you thinking of?’ His voice was so gentle, smooth like silk and genuine. ‘I can’t stop seeing their faces. Their screams. I can smell the flesh burning. It’s just there, and I can’t do anything. I didn’t do anything. I should have saved them.’ Without even realising the tears were falling, heavy and thick with sorrow.

Gaz pulled your face to look at him, wiping your tears away with his thumb. ‘It wasn’t your fault. What you’re feeling is survivor guilt. I’ve been there. You did nothing wrong, there was nothing you could have done any different. You need to talk to someone, you can’t bottle this up.’ You lost yourself in his kind eyes, searching for any trace of a lie but found none. ‘But it’s my fault. It’s my fault they’re dead. I shouldn’t be here.’

He pressed his forehead against yours. ‘It’s not your fault, there’s no earthly way you could have known there was an RPG aimed at you. You don’t have x-ray eyes do you?’ You shook your head. ‘So how could you have known? You got out, you’re here now with me. Alive. And I’m so thankful. When you see their faces find something you can feel, and really feel it. Take note of how it feels against your skin, is it rough? Soft? Malleable? And text me, tell me what you feel. Can you do that?’

You nodded. Your foreheads meshed together in the bitter night air. Feeling more grounded the dam broke. You sobbed into his shoulder, choking on your tears as he held your head against him. ‘Breathe with me. You got this love.’ You tried to breathe in time with him, in and out. In and out. ‘That’s it. Well done. Deep breaths.’ His voice was calm and soothing, you felt safe and grounded in his arms. ‘Promise me you’ll talk to someone? You can’t go through this alone.’ You nodded again. ‘Words.’

‘I promise Gaz, thank you.’ He placed a reassuring kiss to your temple ‘come on, it’s fuckin baltic out here. I’ll walk you back to your room.’

[sticktopia]

Welcome to the Garden (Sanctuary AU)

The Garden. A pocket dimension that sits on the line between life and death. This little world is designed to house and heal broken souls. Those who have died under tragic circumstances, or have many regrets are called to this realm. Once they let go of their trauma and regrets, the soul can pass on to its next life. That is the role of The Garden.

Gold (Chapter 13)

When Dandi and Gold got back to the house, everyone seemed to be in a panic. Dandi and Gold looked at each other with concern.

“How much you wanna bet they're looking for you?” Dandi joked. Gold giggled and she held Dandi’s hand. The two then walked into the house. The first one to meet them at the door was Razzberry. She looked slightly frazzled.

“Dandi! Thank goodness you're here!! We can't find Gold anywhere! Everyone is looking for her but we can't find her anywhere! Oh hey Goldie how ya doing? Anyway-Please help us find her!!” Razz rambled. Gold stared at Razz dumbfounded. Did they not realize that they just said hello to her?

“Ok, Razz, say that again but slower.” Dandi said, her free hand on her hip. Razz blinked and thought about what she said.

“Oooooooohhhhhhhh. OH!! OOOHHHHH!!!” Razz suddenly turned her back on Dandi and Gold.

“GUYS!!! DANDI FOUND HER!!! IT’S OK!!!” Razz suddenly shouted, causing Gold to release Dandi’s hand and place her hands over her ears. Dandi facepalmed and laughed. Everyone suddenly came running, swarming Gold with their affection. Telling her how worried they were and to never run off like that ever again.

“Ok ok! I won't run off again! I promise!” Gold laughed as she was smothered by hugs. Dandi chuckled as she watched everyone smother Gold.

“Ah, she’s lucky to have so many people care about her.” Dandi glanced to her left, seeing Rico standing with his arms crossed. She chuckled and placed her hands on her hips.

“Well, that kid’s gonna need all the support she can get.”

**********

“So where exactly did you run off to Gold?” Scarlet asked as the children lounged around in Gold’s room.

“I went looking for Aster. When I didn't find him in the house, I went to look for him in the forest.” Gold explained as she laid upside down on her bed.

“Why would Aster be in the forest?” Ember asked, sitting on the floor next to Gold’s head. Gold simply shrugged.

“I dunno. I first met Aster outside. So I thought he would be outside.”

“Well, Dandi, Razz, Momo, Bel, Rico, and Aster normally live on the fifth floor. So you could have just gone up there.” Sage pointed out.

“Well no one told me that.” Gold huffed. “Like you guys not telling me what you meant when Sage was leaving.”

The room was suddenly tense. The other four seemed to be avoiding talking about anything that had to do with “leaving”. Gold sighed and turned onto her stomach. She propped her head up with her hands, looking at everyone in the room.

“Well I know what it is now. Dandi explained it to me.” Gold said. Everyone could no longer look at each other. Gold huffed and sat up.

“You know, Dandi also said something else to me. Something I think is important.” Gold stood up on her bed and placed her hands on her hips, taking on a powerful stance.

“Change cannot be stopped! And sometimes we need to accept that it’s happening! And, um, yeah! We have to accept it with open arms!” Gold said as she jumped off her bed. The kids watched as Gold darted full speed at Sage.

“Gold-Hey-ACK!”  Gold suddenly tackled Sage into a hug, almost knocking the older boy off his feet. “Hey! What gives?”

“You may be leaving soon! But it doesn't mean we have to sit around and be sad! Let's go do something fun! And then no one has to be sad!” Gold begged, looking at Sage with large hopeful eyes. Sage stared down at the ten year old. Sage then began to shake. Gold hugged the boy tighter.

“Please don’t cry Sage! I-” Sage suddenly started laughing. Gold’s eyes widened as she turned to look at everyone else. They all seemed to be just as bewildered as she. Sage suddenly wrapped his arms around Gold and spun her around, earning a surprised squeak from the girl. Once Sage stopped spinning, he hugged Gold tightly.

“You're right! Dandi’s right!” Sage laughed, holding Gold close. Gold couldn't look up to see Sage’s face, but she could feel the older boy’s tears falling onto her hand.

“S-sage…?” Iris stuttered, unsure if she needed to comfort him or step away. Sage then released Gold and looked at all his friends. He had a big smile on his face as tears streamed from his eyes.

“Gold is right guys! Every time someone left, we sat around moping till they were gone! And we weren't even there to say goodbye to them! So now’s the time we fix that!!” Sage said boldly, even as his body shook with sobs, he continued to give a motivational speech.

“It’s time we change things up! Let's have fun and celebrate that I'll move on to a happier life instead of mourning my leave! Today, we party, tomorrow, we party! And even when I'm gone, please, still party for me.” Sage suddenly grabbed Gold and placed her on his shoulders.

“Whoa! Sage!” Gold laughed as he hoisted her up.

“Let's have fun!!!” Sage declared as he ran out of the room. The others followed cheering and laughing happily. As the small group of kids ran down the hall and onto the first floor, the whole house seemed to light up with joy. The childrens’ laughter could be heard across the garden, making the whole land lush with life. When they finally made their way outside, they had a small following of joyous spirits. The garden was full of laughter and glee, it truly was a party, just as Sage had said it would be. There was no sadness in the air. There was only happiness and love. Sticks of all kinds came out of their shells, dancing and singing, laughing and playing, it was paradise. By the end of the day, Sage’s flower had fully bloomed. Just as dusk set in, Sage’s chest began to glow.

“Whoa…” Sage gasped as he lit up the darkening sky. The crowd cheered as the gates at the end of the pathway Gold originally entered opened up, revealing a bright light. Dandi suddenly stepped into view.

“Good evening everyone! Let's give a round of applause for our youngest members!” Dandi loudly announced. The whole garden erupted into cheers for the five children that stood before Dandi.

“Thank you all for being here as we say goodbye to Sage, our oldest child. He has been through rough times, but he has made it to the other side! Once a poor servant to the royal family, now the warrior to the land of the dead. Sage, our wonderful child, we love you, and wish you luck in your next life.”  The crowd cheered, tears filling their eyes and smiles on their faces. Dandi then rested her hands on Sage’s shoulders.

“Any parting words for us Sage?” She asked. Sage sniffled before taking in a breath.

“Th-thank you all for taking care of me! I'm truly grateful for all of your support. But I’m most grateful for these four standing here with me tonight. They have been with me through thick and thin. They have supported me as I have supported them. Scarlet fed me when I couldn't eat, Iris cheered me up when I was sad, Ember always kept me in line when I got a little too out of hand, and Gold.” Sage turned to Gold and held her hand. Gold’s eyes widened, looking at Sage’s hand and then up into his eyes.

“You are the reason we’re here now.” Sage said softly.

“Gold is the reason we are here to party now! Without her, we would be sitting around, moping and just waiting for the time to pass. So let's give Gold a big thank you for turning our lives around!!!” Sage said as he and Scarlet lifted the ten year old girl onto their shoulders. The crowd cheered for Gold as she sat on the oldest two’s shoulders. Gold was slightly embarrassed, but she smiled, knowing that she changed everyone’s outlook on this purgatory life they lived. When Sage and Scarlet placed Gold down, Dandi placed Sage’s glowing flower on his chest.

“It’s time to go babes.” Dandi said as she held out her hand to him. Sage nodded and looked back at his friends who were standing around him. Sage then ran to them, hugging them all and thanking them for everything.

“Thank you… Thank you all. I'm gonna miss you guys so much…” Sage sobbed.

“Oh shut up! Don't make this harder than it needs to be.” Scarlet huffed.

“We’re gonna miss you too Sage!” Ember cried.

“We’ll never forget you!!” Iris tearily promised.

“We love you Sage.” Gold said, being the last to let go. Sage nodded and went back to Dandi. He took her hand and looked back at everyone.

“Good bye everyone!!!”  Sage called as he and Dandi walked into the light. The whole crowd bid their farewells as the duo disappeared into the light. The light faded away and the party continued on. But the four remaining children still stood under the archway, waving at the gates of the garden.

“I miss him already.” Iris said, trying to stop the tears in her eyes. Gold chuckled and side hugged the lavender girl.

“It’s ok Iris, You still have us.” 

**********

The next few days were a little rough for the little group. Sage, their leader, being gone was something they all needed to get used to. Gold did her best to keep everyone’s spirits high. From baking cookies with Orchid and Jean to camping with Aster and Razz. Today, the four kids were going to help Clover and Momo pick some fruits and veggies for that night’s dinner. Ajax, and Five decided to tag along, in case they needed more people to carry the baskets of produce. Ember stuck close to Scarlet’s side, never looking in Ajax’s direction. Gold and Iris still didn't understand why Ember hated Ajax so much. But they had no time to think about it as they got to the produce patches.

“Alight. Who’s ready to help out?” Momo asked as she held out baskets.

“We are!!!” The kids cheered. They each took their own basket and lined up. Momo then assigned each child to an adult.

“Alright, Clover, you and Iris can go get lettuce, tomatoes and onions. Five, you and gold can get strawberries, raspberries, and kiwi. Scarlet, I'm gonna need you to help me with the watermelon and honeydew. And Ember can go with-”

“Miss Momo Ember can’t go with Ajax!” Scarlet suddenly spoke up. Everyone looked at Scarlet with confused looks.

“Why’s that?” Momo inquired. Scarlet opened her mouth to speak, but she quickly closed it again. Scarlet looked down at Ember, who had a silent pleading look on their face. Scarlet cleared her throat.

“B-because Ember feels uncomfortable without me. So they need to stay with me.” Scarlet said. Momo looked up at Ajax who hugged himself and looked away.

“I-it’s fine. I can do whatever you need me to on my own.” Ajax said, trying to shake off the kind of shame in his aura. Momo sighed and placed a hand on Ajax’s shoulder.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. How hard can getting apples be?” Ajax said with a shrug.

“If you're sure. Just be careful about the river. The current is very strong and it can quite literally sweep you away.” Momo said as she turned back to the rest of the group.

“Alright everyone. You’ve all been assigned your jobs. Meet back here in about 30 minutes.” Gold took hold of Five’s hand, following them as they went over to the fruit bushes.

“Hey Gold?” 

“What?’

“Do you know why Ember doesn't like Ajax?”

“No. I think Scarlet does though. She's been really mean whenever Ajax tries to get close to her or Ember. But every time we asked why, they never told us.” Gold said as she and Five made it to the raspberry bushes.

“That’s weird. I wonder what they're hiding.” Five murmured as they started to pick raspberries off the bushes. Five and Gold continued to chat casually as they picked fruits. When they moved onto the kiwis, there was suddenly screaming. Five and Gold looked at each other with wide eyes. They dropped the baskets and ran towards the source of the screaming. When they got there, they saw Clover and Scarlet running along the fenced off riverbank. They quickly joined the pair running.

“What’s happening?!” Five asked between breaths.

“Ember fell into the river!!! They’re being swept out by the current!!” Clover shouted. Looking ahead, Gold could see Ember’s small form splashing in the water, getting farther and farther down. Her heart was pounding in her ears as her brain screamed at her to do something. But Gold didnt know how to swim! Her jumping in would make the situation all the more dangerous.

“Where’s Momo and Iris?!” Five asked as they noticed the two weren’t there.

“Those two ran ahead to try and catch Ember down the-IS THAT AJAX?!?!?!” Everyone stopped running as they saw Ajax suddenly jump over the fence and into the water below.

“AJAX!!” Five shouted as they looked over the edge to see Ajax, using his bandana to hold onto a tree root.

“Ember!!” Ajax shouted, reaching out to the child. Gold could only watch with wide eyes as Ember tried to make their way towards Ajax. The red hollow head reached as far as he could to reach the distressed stick. Ember tried reaching out to him, but the water was too strong, it was pulling them away. So Ajax did the next possible thing, he let go of the bandana and went after the child. The moment was tense as both Ajax and Ember disappeared under the waves. No one moved, no one breathed. There was suddenly a loud splash. Ajax emerged from the water’s surface, Ember in hand. He coughed as he held onto another tree root.

“We gotta help them!”  Scarlet cried, beginning to climb the fence. Both Clover and Five grabbed Scarlet and pulled her away.

“We don't need you getting caught in the current as well!” Clover shouted.

“But-Ember!!!” Scarlet cried out. Another splash was heard, causing the small group to look. Iris had jumped into the water with a vine around her body. On the other end of the vine was Momo holding it tight. Iris landed next to Ajax, holding out some excess vine.

“Hold on tight!” Iris said as Ajax took hold of the vine. Ajax wrapped it around his hand and wrist tightly and nodded.

“Pull us up!!” Iris shouted. Momo then immediately began hoisting the three up and out of the water. The remaining four quickly went to help Momo pull them out of the water and back onto the ledge. Once on dry land, Ajax laid Ember down on their back.

“Kid! Kid! Wake up!” He said, trying to shake the silent child awake. Scarlet froze in her place. She was horrified, the youngest member of the group was laying cold and still. Scarlet was close to fainting when Ember suddenly coughed back to “life”, spitting up the water and gasping for air.

“Oh thank creators!!!” Ajax gasped as he held Ember close to him. Ember continued to cough, accepting Ajax’s help and comfort as he patted their back. Everyone let out breaths of relief as Ember cried out with life.

“I-Im ok! Th-thank you!!” Ember cried, jumping up and hugging Ajax tightly. Ajax laughed as tears of joy ran down his face.

“H-Hey, it’s nothing, kid. I'm just glad you're ok.” Ajax said as he hugged the child as well. 

“Whoa…” Everyone turned to look at Iris. Her chest was glowing, revealing that it was her time to go.

“Wh-what?! You're going now?!” Gold gasped, walking up to Iris.

“I-I guess I am…” Iris mumbled as she looked at everyone. Scarlet and Ember looked at each other sadly. Making Iris feel a little sad herself. Gold then took Iris’ hands and held them.

“This is great! Now you can go be with Sage again!!!” Gold said happily. Iris’ eyes lit up as gold said that.

“You really think so?!” Iris asked, bouncing on her toes.

“Once souls become connected, they are destined to meet again.” Momo said, helping Five hoist Ajax to his feet. Iris smiled and gripped Gold’s hands tightly. The thought of seeing Sage again made her heart feel full.

“Let's go then.”

**********

When the group made it back to the house, they saw all the other sticks standing near the bush arch. Iris felt nervous about leaving. She didn't know what to expect on the other side, but all she knew was that her new mission was to find Sage.

”Iris,” Dandi said with a bow. Iris bowed as well.

“Miss Dandi.” Iris said. Dandi smiled softly and placed a hand on her head.

“It’s rare to have two souls leave so close together. But we’re happy to know that you've made it to the next step in the cycle.” Dandi said, leading Iris to the arch.

“Friends, it seems that we have another child leaving. So let's please give a loving goodbye to our little ray of sunshine, Iris.” The crowd cheered, shouting how they all loved Iris and how they were all going to miss her.

“Thank you everyone! I’m really going to miss you all too. I hope that one day, when you guys move onto your next lives, we can meet in the land of the living and all be friends again!!!” Iris said with a big smile. The crowd cheered as Dandi placed the flower in Iris’s hair.

“You look beautiful, Iris. Are you ready to go?”

“One more thing.” Iris suddenly turned and hugged her friends tightly.

“I'm gonna miss you guys! Make sure you guys never forget me alright? Or else I'm gonna hunt all of you down and kick your butts!” Iris said. The remaining three children laughed as Iris said that.

“Of course. But you better not forget us as well!” Ember said, looking up at Iris hopefully. Iris giggled and ruffled Ember’s damp hair.

“Like heck I'll forget you guys.” Iris said as she took a few steps back.

“See you around.” Iris said before cartwheeling back over to Dandi. The three children laughed as Iris happily took Dandi’s hand. And together, they happily walked away into the light.

**********

Ever since Ajax saved Ember from the river, Ember had been more open to the hollow head. Maybe even a little happier to see him. Of course, Scarlet was still quite wary of him, but even she was less aggressive than she was before. Gold liked that her two remaining friends were getting along with Ajax. Even Ajax seemed happier now that they weren't as negative around him. Today, Ajax was showing off his strength to the kids by doing push ups with them on his back. The three kids cheered him on as he began to reach the 80s.

“Keep going Ajax!!” Gold shouted as Ajax kept going.

“Im going im going!” He laughed. Aster then walked into the room.

“Whoa. What’s happening here?” The purple stick chuckled as he leaned against the doorframe.

“Mr Ajax is showing us how strong he is!!” Ember said excitedly. The kids laughed as Ajax kept going.

“How many have you done at this point?” Aster asked with a laugh.

“Ah about 93.” Ajax said as he went on. Suddenly, Razz poked her head into the room.

“Guys, it’s time for, What’s going on in here?” She chuckled as she watched.

“Proof of strength.” Aster simply explained. Razz scoffed and playfully rolled her eyes.

“Well, we’re having burgers for dinner. So if you guys don't come down now, I don't think there’ll be anymore left.” Razz said.

“No!! We wanna eat!!” Gold and Ember shouted. They were about to hop off of Ajax’s back when Ajax suddenly stood up, holding all three kids on his back. The three shouted and laughed as they held onto each other.

“To the dining room we go!!!” Ajax shouted. But before he could take a step out of the room, Razz put her hand up.

“Hold your horses Muscle Head. You gotta put a shirt on at least.” Razz said, holding her arm over the door. Ajax sighed and kneeled, letting Gold, Ember, and Scarlet off of his back.

“Alright alright fine. I’ll put a shirt on.” He said as he went over to his closet. As Ajax walked away, Gold and Scarlet were about to go ahead, but Scarlet stopped when she noticed that the youngest stick wasn't coming with.

“You coming Ember?” Scarlet asked, taking Ember’s hand. Ember shook their head and pulled their hand away.

“I’m gonna wait for Mr Ajax.” Ember said with a smile. Scarlet paused, looking down at Ember.

“Uh, yeah. Alright, we’ll save you a seat.” Scarlet said as she slowly walked away. Gold watched Scarlet’s change curiously. It was strange to see Scarlet so quiet with her fiery personality. Gold decided she had to get to the bottom of it and quickly caught up to Scarlet.

“Scarlet, is something wrong?”  Gold asked as she matched Scarlet’s speed. Scarlet simply glanced down at Gold before looking straight ahead once more.

“It’s nothing.” Scarlet nonchalantly said. But Gold didn't believe that it was “nothing”.

“Are you sure? Ever since we've been spending a lot of time with Mr Ajax, you've been kinda cold.” Gold pointed out. Starlet sighed and paused. She looked at Gold with sad eyes.

“When Ember came to the Garden, I was the first person they ever spoke to. I was the only one they were comfortable with. They always needed me. But now that they are spending so much time with Ajax, it feels like Ember doesn't need me anymore. Like they forgot that they were my friend first…” Scarlet said, playing with her hair. Gold had learned to pick up on that. Scarlet was scared. Gold hugged Scarlet, trying to make her feel better.

“W-well, it’s like Sage and Iris leaving. Just because they’re somewhere else doesn't mean that they stop being our friends. Right?” Gold said, looking into Scarlet’s eyes. A small smile came to Scarlet’s face. Scarlet chuckled and ruffled Gold’s hair.

“Yeah you're right. Ember will come back eventually. She always does.” Scarlet said as she continued walking. Gold smiled as Scarlet felt better. Both girls then made their way down to the first floor for dinner.

**********

When Ajax and Ember came down for dinner, Gold waved them over.

“Over there Mr Ajax!” Ember said, pointing at Gold’s waving hand. Ajax chuckled and grabbed a plate.

“We gotta get food first kid. Ajax said as he started grabbing things for Ember. Scarlet watched intensely as Ajax took her usual job of doing things for Ember. It irritated her. But she couldn't let that show on her face. When Ember and Ajax did eventually come to sit down, Ajax dropped Ember off by Scarlet and went to join his brother on the other side of the table. Ember hopped into the seat in between Gold and Scarlet, beaming with joy.

“Mr Ajax is so cool! I can't believe that I thought that he was a bad guy!” Ember giggled as they took a bite of their burger. Gold looked over at them with a confused look.

“A bad guy? Why did you think that?” Gold asked, looking up at Ajax, watching him laugh with Five on his right and Clover on his left.

“Well, I thought that he was the guy who killed me.” Ember quietly admitted. Gold coked on her food, coughing as she forced it down her throat.

“WHAT?!” Gold gasped.

“Shhh!!” Both Ember and Scarlet shushed Gold, they looked to see if the adults were listening, fortunately, the adults didn't seem to mind Gold’s little outburst. The two of them sighed and put their attention back on Gold.

“That’s why we weren’t too fond of the guy. He looked like… The dark lord.” Scarlet whispered that last bit. Gold tilted her head in curiosity, not really understanding what the two were talking about.

“Who’s the dark lord?” Gold whispered back.

“He was a really bad guy. He and another stick called “The Chosen One” traveled around the internet destroying places just because they could.” Scarlet quietly explained. Ember nodded vigorously.

“Yeah!  They attacked my home and killed me. It was really scary.”  Ember said as she looked down at their burger.

“Many sticks here were killed by those two. So that’s why not everyone was excited to see Ajax when he first appeared.” Scarlet explained, rubbing Ember’s back comfortingly. Gold hummed as she took on that information.

“That actually explains a lot about everything that’s happened so far.” Gold said with a shrug. “But why did you hide it? Not even Sage or Iris knew about it.”

“I… wasn't comfortable telling them… I wanted to tell them. But I just wasn't ready… And then they left… I wish that I told them about it while they were still here. But they're gone now…” Ember sniffled and wiped a stray tear away.

“It’s ok Ember. At least You told Gold right?” Scarlet pointed out. Ember nodded.

“Yeah, at least you know.” Ember said as they smiled up at Gold. Gold smiled as well as the three of them continued eating.

**********

“Ember! Let's go get breakfast!” Gold heard down the hall. Curious, Gold followed the voice, seeing Scarlet standing at Ember’s door.

“Don’t tell me you're still asleep! Come on kid!”

“They went downstairs already.” Scarlet jumped and turned to face Gold.

“Ah, Gold. What do you mean they went downstairs? Scarlet asked as she regained her composure.

“Ember woke up early and went downstairs. They were in the bathroom before I was. They said that they were going to help the adults with something.” Gold explained to the older girl. Scarlet stared at Gold hard and long. It made Gold squirm in her place.

“A-are you ok Scarlet? You've been acting weird since Ember fell into the river.” Scarlet shook her head and sighed.

“N-no, I'm fine Goldie. I just can't believe Ember woke up on their own…” Scarlet stuttered. Gold shrugged her shoulders.

“Well, I guess that means Ember’s getting used to being by themself. I think that's a good thing. That means they don't have to worry all the time!’ Gold said enthusiastically. Scarlet suddenly pushed past Gold, taking the ten year old by surprise.

“Whoa! S-scarlet?” Gold quickly turned on her heel and went to follow the older girl.

“Did I say something wrong? Why are you so angry?” Gold asked as she followed scarlet to her room. “Scarlet-”

“Leave me alone Gold,” Scarlet said coldly, entering her room and locking the door behind her. Gold stood there dumbfounded for a bit. She had never seen this side of Scarlet before. It was so different from her bright smile and confident personality.

“This isn't good.”

**********

Gold ran downstairs, calling Ember’s name.

“Ember! Ember!! Something’s wrong with Scarlet!!” Gold cried as she ran into the kitchen. Gold looked around to only see adults. Ember was nowhere to be seen.

“Wh-where’s Ember?” Gold asked.

“Ember? Oh they went with Ajax to the Flower Forest.” Jean said casually.

“What do you mean something’s wrong with Scarlet? Is she sick?” Orchid asked with concern.

“No? I mean, Scarlet went to wake Ember like she always does. But when I told her that Ember went downstairs earlier, she got really mad and locked herself in her room.” Gold explained to the pink mother. Orchid looked up at Momo and Momo nodded.

“I’ll try talking to Scarlet. Aqua, can you take Gold to the Flower Forest?” Momo asked as she put the tray she was holding down.

“Yeah, I can do that.” Aqua said as he removed the apron.

“Let’s go kid.” Aqua said as he took Gold’s hand. The duo quickly exited the house and sped walked their way to the flower forest. As they approached the forest, they could see Ajax walking out with Ember on his shoulders.

“Ajax!” Aqua called out, jogging up to the pair.

“Oh, Aqua, Gold. What are you two doing here?” Ajax asked as the two approached.

“We need Ember. It’s a bit of an emergency.” Aqua said.

“Emergency? What happened?” Gold then explained everything that happened earlier. Ember processed what Gold had said, looking at the ten year old with concern.

“Why would Scarlet be upset that I woke up early for once? I only wanted to do something nice for her.” Ember muttered as they gripped the flower crown in their hands.

“I dunno. But we gotta get to the bottom of this. And only Ember can help.”

“Let's go then.” Ajax said as he shifted Ember into his arms and took off running. Aqua picked Gold up and started running as well. Then they got back to the house, Ajax took Gold from Aqua and dashed up the stairs. When he got there, he could see Dandi and her helpers all standing at Scarlet’s door, trying to coax the tween out of her room.

“W-we’re here.” Ajax said as he put the two children down. The six of them looked over at the pair.

“Good thing too. There are loud thuds and crashes coming from inside. We need to get in before Scarlet hurts herself.” Razz said. Ember nodded once and walked up to the door. Dandi and her gang backed away, giving them space. Ember stood at the door, taking a breath as their shaky hand knocked on the door.

“Leave me alone!!” Scarlet screamed, making Ember flinch.

“S-scarlet…?” Ember quietly said. It was quiet for a bit, Ember continued to speak.

“I-I’m sorry for upsetting you. I didn't know that me waking up early would cause you to break your room. Please come out. I didn't-”

“Why don’t you go be with Ajax instead? You seem to like him a lot better than me anyway.”  Scarlet’s muffled voice came from the other side of the door. Ember took a step back, tears filling their eyes. But they shook their fear and placed their hand on the door.

“S-scarlet please! You were my first friend here! No one could ever come above you!” Ember pleaded, falling to their knees. Ember rested their forehead on the door, clutching the flower crown close to their chest.

“I don't know why you're so upset, but I want you to know that you’ll always be my best friend. I just… I want to finally grow up and be like you… I want to be strong and confident like you are!” Ember shouted, clenching her fist on the door.

“I want you to rely on me like I rely on you! I want to be strong so you don't have to be strong by yourself! Sage and Iris aren't here anymore, But we are! Me, and gold, we’re still here! And I want to help you like they did! I don't want to be the one that needs protection all the time!” Ember was crying now. Their whole body shook as they sat on the floor.

“Please come out Scarlet… Please come out, and don’t be sad anymore…” Ember begged. The air was tense as everyone awaited Scarlet’s answer. It felt like hours till the door unlocked. Ember gasped, looking up to see Scarlet’s puffy eyes and cracked face.

“S-scarlet!!!” Ember cried, jumping up and tackling the tween into a tight hug. Scarlet quickly returned the hug, sobbing “Im sorries” and “I love yous” as she held the smaller child.  

“N-No! I’m sorry Scarlet! I never should have left!! I’ll never do that ever again! I-I’ll-”

“No! No! Ember no please, you're your own person! I can't cling to you forever…”Just like you said, you have to grow up as well.” Scarlet said, cupping Ember’s face.

“I can't keep holding you back… It wouldn't be right…” Scarlet cried. Ember sniffled, holding Scarle’s forearms.

“But life wouldn't be right without you either.” Ember laughed through their tears. “You're the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Heh, you are too Ember.” Scarlet said as she embraced Ember once more. As the two kids sat in each other’s arms, the cracks on Scarlet’s face started to repair themselves. Everyone watched in awe as the pair began to glow brightly. They released each other and looked down at their chests.

“I guess it’s time for us to go now.” Ember said with a teary smile. Scarlet sniffled and nodded.

“I guess this is where the curtain calls.” Ember laughed as they and Scarlet rose to their feet.

“What a rare sight.” Momo said as the two held hands, facing the rest of the sticks in the hall.

“You two are deeply connected. You must have met in another life. How wonderful.” Dandi said with a smile.

“Come now, we must bid you all a proper farewell.” As the adults ushered Scarlet and Ember downstairs, Gold stood off to the side. She smiled softly, knowing that her friends would finally be free, and happy. But it also pained her, knowing that she was the last and the only child left in the Garden. Tears began to fall down her face as the realization dawned on her. She had been so caught up in helping her friends that she didn't even notice her own descent into sadness.

“Y-You guys are so lucky.” Gold softly wept.

“I wish I could be happy too.”

Gold stood far away, watching as Scarlet and Ember left the garden, hand in hand with each other. She was happy for them, but she also hated that they had all left her. She tried following Dandi’s advice. “Accept change with open arms” but how could she now? She was all alone, all her friends were gone.

Gold gasped as she felt something creeping up behind her. She whirled around and saw nothing standing behind her. Gold suddenly hated being in this cramped space. She squeezed her way through the crowd, wanting to get out and away. Thoughts scrambled Gold’s brain, causing her to simply walk aimlessly. She felt as if she were sleepwalking. She didn't even know what was happening anymore. All she knew was that she had to get out of there.

Chapter 12-(Chapter 13)-Chapter 14