#then again it might be weird to have the mix up. it's the primary reason i havent started going by nico myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

moonshynecybin · 7 months ago

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how about if marc and vale had reconciled in 2019 (and started dating, not more situationship this time). how do you think vale would have reacted to the 2020 injury and the years of pain that followed?

i’ve been chewing this over for an ask maïna sent me. and i think that it’s a really tough hurdle for them to be together while they’re riding against each other in GENERAL. it’s a sport of daring it’s a sport of risk it’s a sport that rewards those who are not just smart but often very very brave. no little voice in the back of their head telling them no to do that because they’ll die kinda deal. and marc absolutely does NOT have that voice, and vale i think DOES. to an extent. and i think all of his past traumas with his dad and friends dying/getting injured have made impacts on him in ways that have made him um. maybe more conscientious on track? a little less inclined to risk a little more inclined to plan

butttt that doesn’t mean he has the leeway to not be ruthless ! (and i think there’s something to it that he never won again after sic died…) so if youre valentino rossi and you add a romantic interest as a rival (especially. marc marquez.) suddenly there’s this HUGEEE internal conflict where vale might want (subliminally or consciously) to pull the proverbial punch— and frankly winning means too much to him for him to let that shit slide!! pulling the punch is absolutely NOT an option!! like i think one of the primary and sexiest tensions in the rosquez relationship is that racing is the most important thing to BOTH of them, (except when they’re making room to hate each other..) and they refuse to make sacrifices concerning racing for the sake of the other EVER. he can’t worry about marc (even though he clearly IS, and he keeps tabs on his injuries MANY times over the course of their friendship so i can’t imagine his throat didn’t close up when marc went flying on jerez a little bit)

so he can’t deal with marc as something that might make him vulnerable on ANY level and s he blows the relationship up. and then they stay apart because of all of those same reasons PLUS the drama of sepang. and then you add ARGENTINA into the mix, where vale is not only witnessing marc be reckless, he’s dragging vale HIMSELF into it, and i have a hard time conceptualizing a reunion while they’re still racing each other… like obviously i WILL mash them together like barbies but. this one is tough ! it gets at one of their deepest issues imo

so all this to say. jerez 2020 is weird because it’s the first season vale actually and for real starts to decline superrrr noticeably. so he’s in a weird place ego wise (he identifies it as the time he first thought about retiring) and MARC is in a weird place ego wise and i think. vale, if they HAD reconciled in 2019, has basically been on the edge of his seat waiting for something like this to happen for years. expects it a little bit in that same way you do if you’ve been traumatized in the same way enough. and marc breaks his arm and maybe vale has covid and can’t convince marc not to race (i think he’s maybe the only non alex who could !) and marc goes out there and like. does what he does and his arm gets fucked ! maybe forever ! and then i think it is. lowkey a nightmare for vale every second marc races after that. like it means too much to him he CANT stop marc from racing he’s seeing how much it’s ripped at him when he can’t climb on a bike (vale is the one who comes up with taking the wheels of marc’s training bikes) and he wants to ask him to just stop and be safe but he thinks marc might just. not get up from that really. can tell marc can’t be done before he turns 30 he won’t allow himself. and he does love marc but this IS a psychological torture chamber for vale in many respects. so he bites his tongue and traces marc’s scars and helps him with his PT and sees how much pain he’s in. and i think honestly it’s not a fun year in the household !

#i’m not saying rider x rider can’t be done healthily i think these two particular brands of guy are categorically much crazier about wins #motogp #callie speaks #asks #rosquez #i also do think of him clapping when marc and martin went down in valencia 23. brother shut the hell UP.#didn’t attend safety meetings for a year after sepang #like in many ways he cut himself OFF from those safety priorities because of marc. because he didn’t want to have to care about marc #which is crazy because he really DID care about marc’s hand injuries… and he thought marc came back too fast in jerez…

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princess-of-the-corner · 8 months ago

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One thing I see brought up which is weird to tackle is Chloe's racism rooted largely in the Kung Food episode which is... Well frankly a racist episode in general. The reason this feels like a weird fit for Chloe's character though.

(In the sense of it being a conscious, primary motivator for bad behavior as opposed to just something picked up on by virtue of social osmosis she doesn't even realize & that most/all the white students do)

Is the fact it basically only exists for that episode. We've seen Chloe cheat, steal or sabotage others, or just generally be rude and abrasive in multiple episodes. There might be distinctions in motive or exact method but they are fairly consistent overall.

But then Kung Food is just out there with some very overtly shitty behavior and then it jsut... Never comes up again.

Like, if this was stuff she said or did all the time, if this tied into her obsession with Marinette, then it would have to have come up before now either by Marinette herself or just cos Chloe said something terrible.

Its why I'm fairly comfortable ignoring that character trait while I wouldn't roll with "Chloe would never classist, or snobby or elitists" cos she definitely has been those things consistently enough.

Its a bit like the train episode.

One can work it so that Chloe is kind of having a breakdown thanks to her mothers presence, abuse and also having been murdered by her the day before and then chastised for helping free her.

All that could be collectively used to justify such an extreme shift in scale of behavior.

But that doesn't really apply in Kung Food, its just introduced and then seemingly forgotten.

See the thing about Kung Food is that the lines everyone points to for racism are

1.) her getting the hell out of dodge after the sabotage by giving a 'whoops don't speak Japanese!' line and running off. Which yeah that one was a bit off I'm not gonna pretend it isn't. But it was also her getting the hell out of dodge as said before.

2.) the sushi line. Which, if you pay attention to the whole line, she is complaining about how 'soup isn't a main dish, why can't he make sushi /like everyone else/.' This line implies not racism, but that other people in the competition are making sushi. It's /Adrien/ that turns it into a race thing.

That said.

Even if we do take it as some intentional acts of racism and not just either mixing up words or genuine 'she's 13 and isn't familiar with the differences' or even taking from Season 4-5 where she's too stupid to pronounce multi-syllable words how would she be smart enough to know the difference:

Chloé's crime of mixing Chinese and Japanese is completely fucking neutralized by /the show itself mixing Chinese and Japanese when it comes to the Akuma/. Yes they say it was based more on Sun Wukong who Goku is also based on but he's got the orange outfit and spiky yellow hair and the target audience is likely more familiar with Goku than Sun Wukong. Not to mention giving him weapons that include SUSHI and the fucking Buster Sword, both more Japanese influence!

And yeah it's. It's a one-off. Her antagonism of her classmates isn't racially motivated as she'll bully all of them and she never makes any racist comments otherwise. It's just. Two lines in an episode that says 'don't do this' while demonstrating it as a good thing.

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gon-and-killuas-mother · 2 years ago

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i can't find the read more button on mobile so heads up, i'm rambling about sad personal things

i don't know why i keep getting surprised when Graham talks about the girl he's interested in. like. he very clearly told me he doesn't feel the same way for me as i do for him, and i've tried to accept that

except. a small part of me refuses. every time i remember his "I don't feel the same way" that part screams "YES YOU DO"

i think, in my defense, there have been some mixed messages. i highly doubt he did so intentionally, but it's been months of spending 75% of my time with him, and him showing genuine interest in whatever i was talking about, and giving me gifts bc that's how shows affection (it just happened to be my primary love language) and him always making sure i was fed regardless of my dietary restrictions, so of course i fell for him. how could i not??

the mixed messages though came after the gentle rejection, when he wanted to play Monster Prom, a multiplayer DATING SIM, on VALENTINE'S DAY. where we read the lines to each other, many of which were sappy.

so i don't think i can be faulted for letting a little hope back in, even though i tried to keep it down and contained.

still sucks to be hanging out with him and then asked to leave bc he has plans to watch a show over discord with the Other Girl, we'll call her Catie

i'd had the small and dangerous thought that Catie wouldn't be romantically interested in him. they've been friends for ten years, and she hadn't shown any interest before. but he believes he might have a chance now that she's single again and has moved back in town.

even before this whole Feelings for Boy started, and before i realized he was into Catie, she'd always made me a little uncomfortable. i had no reason to dislike her! and many people i trust have said she's an amazing person. but something about her unsettled me and idk if i can figure that one out

except for when she was kinda hitting on me??? in front of Graham??? like touching me and pressing up against me and whatnot. and Graham apparently didn't think anything of it, so maybe she's just like that. i am as opposite of physically affectionate as possible so that probably made a weird situation even weirder.

i'm rambling now. but i'm really frustrated that i will likely have to deal with the emotional sucker punches whenever he talks about Catie. idk if i can. i broke down last night after getting booted for her, how am i gonna handle it if they actually start dating??

how much of this can i tell him? if i have to take time and space away from him just to be able to move on, can i at least tell him how much he means to me? how cared for he made me feel?

i'm also just. frustrated bc i know he's one-of-a-kind. there's other guys in the world that could love me, yes, but what's the likelihood i'm gonna find another sweetheart who cooks for me and gives me gifts and shares hyperfixations with me???

sigh

i'll move on, eventually. it's not gonna hurt as bad one day. i'm just. tired of being the runner-up i guess

#tink rambles #personal

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katarh-mest · 1 year ago

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I have a "mild" case of dyscalculia. One of the many things that got missed when I was referred out to a child psych at 11 for flunking 7th grade geography despite being "so smart" because back in the early '90s nobody knew what it was and also girls didn't get ADHD. (Sigh.) Things are a little better now that it's a recognized problem.

Some things that have helped me over the years:

Using graph paper for EVERYTHING related to math. Keeping the stupid numbers lined up correctly is part of the problem, and regular lined paper doesn't cut it for this. The second vertical row of lines helps a ton.

Associating colors or sounds with numbers. Honestly this was easier back when "touch tone" phones were still how all phones were dialed, because I learned to memorize phone numbers based on those tones. I kind of have to "sing" phone numbers to remember them to this day.

As for the colors, I don't use them as much as the tones any more, but: zero is black, one is red, two is dark blue, three is yellow, four is light purple, five is orange, six is brown, seven is gold, eight is darker purple than four, nine is pink, ten is white. One hundred is green. (I think because it's 100 pennies? a dollar bill?)

Also notice that I generally spell out the numbers instead of using Arabic numbers? I don't have dyslexia, and I was always way more comfortable with them as words than as digits. Brains are weird.

Check your work! check your work! check your work! This is more of an ADHD problem than a dyscalculia specific problem, but the stupid "simple math mistakes" are what always killed me in the higher level math classes. Nothing more horrible than having a 6+7 = 11 in the middle of a 20 line long equation giving you the wrong answer. This is the primary reason that someone with a disability is given extra time during a test. Because they know you might have done an oopsie and now need to go back and fix a bunch of stuff.

You're allowed to use digital clocks at home. Reading analog clock faces is still not something that's very instinctive. I have to break it down into parts, and god help me if there's no labels on the hours. I got better at it from sheer brute force practice. (Things like mixing up Left/Right and East/West North/South will never get away.)

I only learned my roman numerals thanks to a hyperfixation with Final Fantasy games.

Ride or die with your assistive technology. I am a spreadsheet wizard (Excel, Google Sheets) because I learned how to make it do all the math for me. It's glorious. No shame in whipping out your phone to punch in numbers to add things other people can do in their heads. I abused Google Maps. I use tally marks on paper.

You are smarter than your disability makes you think you are. Ironically, I have an excellent grasp of math theory and once I emerged from the hell of long division and counting change, I excelled in algebra, trigonometry, and differential calculus. I didn't hit a wall until integral calculus in college, because the equations started to get too long for me to handle again. Your mileage may vary on this, though. I still managed to get an above average math score on standardized tests despite having undiagnosed dyscalculia, because the questions on things like the SAT and GRE are less about the math and more about avoiding the traps. I have a master's degree in business. You can have a very successful career (just, uh, probably not in a math oriented area) despite dyscalculia.

Find a math buddy. I'm incredibly lucky that the person I fell in love with and married is a math whiz, one who is patient and understands that it's not my fault I can't help much with the budgeting. He is also my calendar and emergency calculator. (Love you, hubby.) A significant other or friend you can trust can really help out here. Barring that, hire an accountant or get some accounting software like Mint to do the grunt work of the mathing for you every month.

Here's some more info on Dyscalculia since I feel like it wasn't enough.

So i've stated that it is a Math learning disability deemed "Math dyslexia" because of the similarity that it is a learning disability that have similar lack of understanding and processing of the category(numbers,words/letters) Dyscalculia is NOT Dyslexia though, again, they are completely different.

Dyscalculia is not normally noticed throughout life as like most of learning disabilities up until there is obvious signs later on in the person's life/work space so I AM going to share some signs to notice and acknowledge as well as some more info that I may or may not have included in my last post.

Dyscalculia signs/behaviour in all grades:

Counting on fingers.

persistent inability to memorise Math facts. Commonly "Basic" math facts.

Difficulty counting backwards.

Difficulty in understanding place value.

Weak mental arithmetic skills.

Struggle with reading charts and graphs.

Having trouble measuring things (like ingredients).

May not understand the concept of counting.

Trouble processing number symbols ( like putting 8 with the actual name "Eight").

Hard time understanding math phrases like Greater Than and Less Than.

Lack confidence in situations that require understanding speed, distance, and directions, may get lost easily.

• High levels of Math Anxiety.

And so many more included from primary school and WAY far in to adulthood!

I am currently a student in /High School/ and my math level up from primary school to now has always been incredibly hard for me and on a very low level. Though I DO get good grades in Math most of the time there are situations where I just lose that grip due to my dyscalulia.

Though things like this may seem hopeless and upsetting and frustrating, especially if you have friends and peers who do so much more easier in math, it's completely okay to have such a learning disability and you are absolutely NOT alone.

To prove so I am going to share things that I HAVE struggled in with math since I was very young :]

My dyscalculia struggles:

counting on my fingers not matter the math equation (adding,subtracting, etc).

Inability to read an analog clock.

almost complete inability to count money dollars and money coins.

I dont know my Multiplication tables and almost completely unable to do division.

Trouble with Greater than and Less than/trouble with place value.

trouble with understanding positive numbers and negative nunbers and when to use the signs for them.

trouble with figuring out measurements, especially in distance and time.

Very sure theres more but over all almost completely avoiding math situations and math activities due to the anxiety i get having to preform them especially if its things i know i cant do (like completely avoiding having to determine the time on an analog clock).

[END]🌙

Dyscalculia can be a very hard thing to deal with especially since its a life long struggle and with its less known popularity its a learning disability that ive never seen brought into light and IM here to change that because people need to know. Struggling with it or not IT STILL exists and is highly misunderstood and completely inacknowledged. Its fun to learn about things like this anyways so I have a lot of fun writing these :]

Thank you for reading <3

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asterekmess · 3 years ago

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Did you ever watch Buffy? The first episode where Anya was introduced was titled "The Wish" and all I can think about is if Scott McCall had ever run into a pure Sidhe where they offered him a wish. Instead of, "I wish Buffy had never come to Sunnydale." It would be more, "I wish I was never bitten to become a werewolf." But just like all feaye tricks, the outcome is more, his Dad ended up with primary custody rather than his Mom and he was forced to leave BH. And then Stiles ended up more friends with Heather and others. And while Scott's life is worse, when he tracks down the others he finds all of theirs are greatly improved.

I think about it a lot and how Scott never really dealt with the consequences of any of his actions, everyone else did, and how an episode or mini-arc could have fixed a flaw in the show's design. I mean, we were already dealing with a lot of Celtic lore, why not someone from the Sidhe courts?

I have no idea why this took me so long to answer, so apologies for that. <3 I did watch buffy! I've seen all of it, and all of Angel as well. XD

I remember 'The Wish' episode, and whoooo boy it gave me chills. I loved how big the butterfly effect was, how something that seemed so small, something that Genuinely seemed to be the cause of a lot of problems in Sunnydale, ended up being so important to how things had progressed. Because, yeah, you would think Buffy not coming to Sunnydale would be a Good Thing, right? Sunnydale didn't have all of these insane issues before she arrived. It was quiet, and nothing big or scary ever happened. Her arrival matches perfectly with when everything started going absolutely nuts, so whatever selfish ideas Cordelia had, her thought that Buffy not coming to Sunnydale would be a good thing, makes sense. Except that, as she finds out, she's entirely wrong. Buffy's arrival was a lucky coincidence, or fate, whatever your taste leans toward. She showed up right as things started going nuts, and she kept it from going SO MUCH MORE NUTS.

Now, moving on to TW, it is a fascinating mix of being the Exact same situation, and the exact Opposite. I'll add a Read More, cus' holy god is this a lot of Rambling.

Because Scott wishing not to have been bitten...yeah, the bite Did improve things. But it improved things for him. He would absolutely regret making the wish, just like Cordelia did, because he would realize how many good things the bite had brought with it. BUT, conversely, he would have to realize how many good things the bite had brought for him, not for other people, and how their lives either wouldn't have been affect, or might've even Improved without him being bitten. Without the bite, Scott wouldn't have gotten on first line, period. His health issues made very clear in the five minutes he had them that any kind of stamina based sport was just out of the question for him. If he is unable to walk through the woods at a moderate pace without needing to grab his inhaler and stop against a tree, he just plain cannot play lacrosse for two or three hours of running at high speeds and working a bunch of muscles in his upper body. He likely wouldn't have gone out with Allison, because he would have no convenient way to get her attention. Furthermore, he wouldn't have the extra senses that both impressed her on the lacrosse field, and told him about her 'family dinner' the night of Lydia's party. (I've discussed this before, but... While it's true, Allison would have still brought him the dog; that dog would likely have attacked him, and his chances with her would have been shot in the foot when they both got in massive trouble and he likely had to go to the ER for stitches or something. Without Allison or first line, he wouldn't have started hanging out with the 'cool kids,' and quite frankly, wouldn't have had anyone to help him study for the classes he was struggling with. It's true that he also wouldn't have had werewolf things to worry about, or even a girlfriend to distract him from homework, so maybe that wouldn't have been such a huge issue, but still.

If we look at other people's lives and how They would have been affected by Scott not getting the bite...well, let's talk about that.

Stiles didn't get on first line because of Scott, or because of a werewolf bite. Or even because of the werewolf bullshittery occurring in town. He was put on first line because of his abilities, and even after being taken OFF first line for missing the game, he was put Right onto the field in the next game, chosen OVER other players who were perfectly viable options. Which means, he still would've ended up on first line. Allison wasn't interested in dating before she met Scott, and part of her draw to him was based on how 'different' he was. He knew things she didn't know how he could know, he had a weird ability to calm a furious, injured dog, and he had charisma that was ALSO gained from the bite, since being on first line made Scott Much more self-confident. If she didn't end up dating him, it's likely she wouldn't have dated at all. Which would mean no hiding from her parents, no strange conflicts of interest, AND, interestingly enough --depending on her involvement in the murders, etc that would still be occurring in town--no night in the school that would scare her bad enough to ask Kate for extra help and tip her headfirst into hunter training. AND, even if she DID still end up getting those lessons from Kate? There would be no bitterness to fuel her behavior at the end of season 1.

Allison was Traumatized after Kate showed her Derek on the grate. She was horrified, and didn't know what to do about it, and while we can ramble all we want about the morality of her not confronting her family (whom she's just discovered is willing to electrocute people) about it, the fact is that she pushed the thoughts aside to stop freaking out and went to that dance. Where she found out Scott was a werewolf, and was So fucking Betrayed that she was willing to help Kate catch him and Derek. No Scott, no betrayal, no willingness to help Kate recapture the miserable man who'd been chained up in a basement.

If we go back to that specific night, and try to unfold the events from there if Scott hadn't been bitten, things get a little complicated, but I'll take a few artistic liberties. Scott isn't bitten. Presumably, he just happens to get out of the woods in time, or he gets caught with Stiles by the sheriff, or doesn't go to the woods in the first place. These all change the possible outcomes of that night. If he hadn't gone in the first place, and Stiles went alone, would he have been bitten instead? Would Scott have been dragged into all of this anyway, but without the protection and boost of being a werewolf and cured of his asthma? If he weren't the one bitten, and he saw everything Stiles gained from it, would he still have such a hatred for the bite? Or would he want it, like Erica did, to cure him and make him powerful and cool? But, let's assume Stiles doesn't get bitten either. The second half of Laura's body still hasn't been found, and Stiles has no reason to fear running back into the preserve the next day, and no real punishment from his father as far as we can tell. So, does he go back to look again? If he did, he would run into Derek, because Derek would still be there after retrieving Laura's body himself. He would see Derek and still recognize him, and from there, things might spiral, still involving Stiles in the supernatural, and it's likely Stiles would try to involve Scott, and Again we get hit with "Would Scott want the bite, if he hadn't gotten forcibly bitten in the first place?" The answer is probably yes. He wanted to be cool, and popular, and on the lacrosse team. He wanted everything being a werewolf gave him. BUT if we're looking at this wish as similar to "The Wish," then no matter what, Scott won't be bitten. He'll be transported to a new world where it just never happened, and he'll be human, and forced to watch everyone around him be just plain different. Scott not being bitten would isolate him from Stiles, if Stiles got involved in the spn anyway. We SAW how Stiles cut off his other friends once the spn starting getting in the way. He and Harley? We have no clue how close they were. They were close enough for her to tease him about his crush on Lydia, for her to wander up comfortably to the locker and talk to them. And he cut her off as soon as the werewolf stuff hit. What if he cut Scott off? To protect him, if nothing else, like he did his own father. Once he realized the danger involved, I doubt he would be willing to put Scott in harm's way.

So, Scott would not only lose first line, lose his girlfriend, lose his popularity, lose his health and strength and heightened abilities, lose his 'importance' to the goings-on of Beacon Hills, but he would also lose Stiles, who seems to have been his only friend, unless he also had a relationship with Harley.

Okay, I've rambled enough about the what if's, so let's talk about the Reason why this wish would go so badly for Scott, in such a different way than it went for Cordelia. Cordelia, first off, wished that someone Else would not have/do something, rather than wishing for herself not to have done something. She watches how fucked up the world gets, and how much worse her life is without Buffy around to save the day. Scott wished for Himself not to have done something (even something passive, like 'get bitten') and would have to watch how fucked up his world gets, and how far behind he would fall. The other's lives might not necessarily get better, because Peter is still on the loose, and the hunters are still there, etc etc, but they would still Progress, while Scott would stay stagnant.

And WHY is that? Because Scott isn't important to the story. It DOESN'T start with him. That's the Whole Point of his character. He is supposed to be the 'everyman' who gets dragged into crazy shit and becomes integral to things that he wasn't ever meant to be a part of. The guy who wanders into becoming King or 'The Hero' that will save the world, even though he's just a small lad from a tiny town, whose highest prospects were "get on first line."

He was NEVER supposed to be Buffy, or if he was, it was done Very Badly.

But Beacon Hills WASN'T a quiet town before Scott was bitten; however much he might've said 'nothing ever happens in this town.' It was FULL of bullshittery and magic from the very beginning. There was the fire, and Paige, and the blinding of Deucalion, and the death of Alexander Argent, and the Nogitsune in the internment camp nearby. All of these things were around So much longer than Scott's bite, and they'd been affecting the world that whole time too. Because yes, in Buffy, the master was There before she was, but he was literally rendered inert by the situations he was in. And the things he'd done happened Centuries before, not six years. There is a difference. Sunnydale was Not Known for the insane number of weird deaths. Beacon Hills was. And aside from the Nogitsune, every single fucking thing that happened in Beacon Hills, was attuned to the Hale family in one way or another. Deucalion's blinding occurred during a meeting on Hale land, because Talia was known as a wise leader, etc, in the area and other wolves flocked to her. Deucalion biting Argent seems unrelated (if you even believe Deucalion did that, despite being a fucking pacifist before Gerard blinded him), but again, it occurs just a couple hours away from Beacon Hills, which is Hale Territory. The one who plays the Buffy role here? Who shows up at just the right time, and launches themself against an endless wave of evil, with slightly enhanced senses and a thorough need to do good and not back away from things that 'aren't they're problem'? The actual hero who is somehow tied to everything going on in ways even they don't understand? Was Derek. The guy who entirely unwittingly allowed Julia Baccari to survive, because he was trying to be merciful to his first love. Who entirely unwittingly was manipulated into giving up information that let a hunter kill his family. Who followed his sister back to town after six years of just trying to survive in New York, fell into a fucking tragedy, and decided to stop the bad guys anyway, even though he knew he didn't stand a fucking chance.

And as annoyed as some might get. The 'everyman' who stumbles onto the set and accidentally becomes integral to the saving of the world? The one whose ambitions are small and who expectations are smaller? Who is misunderstood, and has abilities that aren't recognized or appreciated, that doesn't really fit in, but tries their best anyway? The literal Angel to Derek's Buffy?

Is fucking Stiles. The son of the sheriff who just could not let it go when he discovered there was something funky going on. Who hung around on the edges, even though he wasn't really wanted, because he needed to help. Who ended up saving Derek's life over and over, and becoming so important as to be Derek's anchor? Who literally WENT DARKSIDE and HAD TO BE NEARLY KILLED, even though Derek didn't to kill him???

I know how it sounds, but JD SAID he took inspiration from Buffy. The issue is that his parallels are between DEREK AND STILES, and BUFFY AND ANGEL. Respectively.

Derek might act like the broody bad boy, but it is STILES' mentality that matches Angel's behavior, and it's Derek who matches Buffy.

I'm so fucking off track. Scott would be miserable if he ever managed to get a wish and used it to keep from having been bitten. And it would be sad. I would feel bad for him, had I watched something like that happen. Seeing him realize that most of the good things he had, he only got because of the bite. That Stiles would still be on first line, that Lydia and Jackson would still be the popular kids. That Allison wouldn't know he existed, or if she did would avoid him entirely. That Jackson would never have been turned into the kanima in the first place. That everyone else would move on and up in life, and he would still be standing at the bottom step. Because it wasn't his actual limitations that were holding him back, it was his refusal to accept them, to work with them, and to just plain stop Envying Everyone Around him, and start living his own fucking life instead of trying to steal other people's.

Scott wishes he were Cordelia, and I promise that would backfire too.

#personal #anti-Scott McCall #meta ramblings #go for it #this is way too long #but i had feelings #the more you guys made me talk about this #the more I want to write a Buffy fusion #or a tw rewrite with Scott not being bitten #or fucking Both #or both Combined #SOMETHING

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leouish · 2 years ago

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Writing Sample | 1 FP + AF

| Word Count: 2,813 | Context: Azalea Fraizer and Freya Palvin are blood related siblings, children of Khione and Chase Palvin. They were separated at birth as Azalea went to live a happy and joy-filled life, while Freya stayed behind and took the bad half. Both have not had contact with the other, especially when Freya went to Camp Half-Blood and became the minor god Cabin Counselor. But they meet again at camp when the two accidentally decide to go for a little stroll in the strawberry fields at the same time.

| Warnings: Mentions of abuse, cursing, alcoholics/drug addicts, CPS, Bad sibling relationship, bad relationship with all parent figures, a somewhat heated argument, etc.

The girl had strolled here, a small basket held loosely in her hands. Although she hadn’t been at camp for a while, Azalea Fraizer already decided the strawberry fields were her favorite spot. She sat down in a small section by the rows of plants, opening the basket. Lea began to pick the strawberries, finding the basket filled up rather quickly. She sighed, knowing she wouldn’t eat all of them and it would be sad for them to go to waste. Maybe she could find someone to give them to later, or bake something. Azalea shrugged, closed the basket, and went to go sit in a spot that had less sun.

Freya Palvin had walked down to the fields, a small basket in her arm. Though she would have rather been in the cabin due to the weather, she just needed to get out of there every once in a while. Sure, she had a few friends to keep her company, but she liked doing things more alone. And a lot calmer than what she usually does. Her hat kept her protected from the sun as she examined the ripe strawberries carefully and placed them in the basket. She hadn't noticed anyone around in the fields, which was a good thing for her. She had recently been thinking a lot about her old life recently, before camp, which was an odd thing for her. She hadn't cared much about it, but now it felt like something from her old life was in her presence. It was extremely weird for her, but she refused to tell any of her friends about it. Not even Marcia. Once, she had thought maybe an old friend of hers was somehow in camp, maybe someone like Samantha from primary school. But it was a stupid thought, no one she knew from before would be a demigod.

Freya had walked through a good amount of the fields, and she noticed someone sitting in a shaded spot. Her eyebrows furrowed in, confused. The girl who was sitting seemed to be fine, but she wanted to make sure she was actually okay. She had gotten enough strawberries anyway to make the strawberry shortcake she was planning on making for her and her friends. Carefully, she made her way towards the girl, and she realized something. The lady's hair looked familiar, her skin color, her body shape looked familiar. Her eyes widened as she realized who that was. She stood a few feet away from her, taking a deep breath in, before talking.

"Azalea?"

Azalea looked up, a hand covering her eyes slightly as she squinted in the sunlight. She had recognized the voice, but seeing the person would be better. She stared at the person’s legs for a while before finally looking up to see their face. Lea’s eyes widened as her guess about who it was was correct. "Freya?" Lea stood up from her spot on the ground, holding the basket much tighter than she had been before. "..Freya?" She repeated again, yet quiet, just to assure herself.

The girl looked down at her, a mix of emotions going through her mind that weren't visible on her face. Was this the reason why her past had been feeling like it was going to come back at any moment? She was confused, but she didn't let her emotions show. She crossed her arms and her eyebrows furrowed in as her smile faded into a frown. For most people, they might have been happy to see their old sibling. For Freya, it was much rather the opposite. She wanted nothing to do with her past life. She didn't want to go back to look at the fact her childhood was shit, her friends were shit, her parents were shit. The girl in front of her was only a reminder of that past, though she wasn't very active in her past life. She examined the girl's features, moving closer so she could see better. To her, she had looked the same as she had done the last time they had met; just older. "Yeah. It's me." She replied bitterly.

She frowned, not knowing what else to say. Maybe just run away from to situation, but that’d make her seem stupid. Azalea’s grip on the basket had gotten even tighter, her knuckles turning white. She tried to look anywhere but Freya’s face. Lea was mentally punching herself as she took a deep breath. "Good to see you again." What the fuck. Her facial expression dropped after what she had just said, assuming Freya’s reaction wouldn’t exactly be a positive one.

Freya still looked down at her with a disappointed look, her expression unchanged. She scoffed, hearing Azalea's reply. She seemed disgusted with her, and that was true. She was disgusted to see her again, she was disgusted that she had the mindset to say that. "Some nerve you got," She smirked to herself, before turning back to her past expression. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I uh.. I’m a demigod?" Her answer came out as a question unintentionally. But with the way Freya had asked, it seemed as if there could have been a different reason as to why she was here. Lea didn’t want to think about it, though. She was nervous enough just by seeing Freya. "Surprise.." Azalea grimaced, chewing on her lower lip. She shuffled a bit to the side, debating on making a run for it.

She noticed her trying to scoot away, and make a small ice shield. "Nice try, cunt. Don't run away and leave." She then leaned in to get closer to her, squinting at her. "How long have you been here." She said it more of a statement, rather than a question. She knew that, because they were both from the same father, they would both have the same godly parent. It angered her inside, due to the fact she had basically lost her entire family, even her mothers, when she was only ten. And now one of her blood related family members was sitting in front of her.

Her eyes widened even more at the ice. She turned back slowly to look at Freya. "Not even a full year."

She noticed her expression, smirking to herself. She raised her eyebrows, still maintaining eye contact with her. "Have you been claimed yet?"

She nodded. "Khione."

She scoffed, though she knew it was coming. She pressed her tongue to her cheek, rolling her eyes. "Of fucking course," She muttered to herself. "I'm your cabin counselor. Congrats."

"Oh. Yaaay.." She looked at Freya, then at the girl who had just walked here. "I’ll be going now I guess." Azalea nodded at Freya, pushing past her.

"No, you aren't." She said, melting the old barrier and creating a new one around her.

She sighed. "What more do you want from me, Freya? Don’t you want me out of your sight?"

"I just... I just wanna talk." She said, moving closer to her. "Am I not allowed to talk to someone who's been out of my life since like, what, when we were kids? You literally moved on and got to live a non problematic life." She said, a tone of jealousy in her voice.

"There isn’t much to talk about." Azalea stared down at her shoes. "A few minutes ago you looked like you wished I never fucking showed up and now you’re trying to talk?" She scoffed. "We could’ve ‘talked’ earlier. Instead you decide to be bitchy and make fucking ice shit around me." She was starting to lose her temper as she felt the basket become progressively colder.

"Not much to talk about?" She raised her eyebrows again, still looking at her as she looked down. "It's true. I wish you never did show up here. You wanna know why? Because you're a reminder about how much of a shit hole my life was before. You know, you probably were living the dream. At school, you probably had a stable friend group to talk to. At home, your dad probably spent time with you. You seem to have a much better life than mine. I don't want to remember anything from my past, but you coming here just shows that I'll always be haunted by it," She rolled her eyes at the girl's exaggeration. "I know you, Azalea. We're sisters, I know that your tactics are similar to mine. I knew you were gonna try and walk away. I'm not stupid. And look, I did talk to you. I want to ask something, though."

"It wasn’t the greatest, actually." She rolled her eyes, her arms folded. "Ask me what? What's it like to live a, as you put it, non problematic life?"

"Oh really? What, was it not just sunshine and rainbows for you?" She looked away for a moment, before looking back at her. "Why didn't you ever try to contact me before?"

"I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me.." Her voice trailed off as she messed around with the hem of her dress.

"You didn't think I wanted to hear from you? Are you insane?" She looked disgusted, but inside she just felt disappointed in herself.

"Maybe I am. But hey, now I’m fucking stuck here. With you."

"Maybe I wouldn't be so annoyed with you if you at least tried to contact me! Maybe this would be better if you actually tried, Azalea," Saying her name felt weird, after not even thinking about it for so long.

"Maybe if I didn’t feel like you would ignore me, I’d try! And if you were so desperate to contact me, you should’ve done it yourself! This is both of our faults, Freya. We both were fucking stupid. But that’s in the past! You need to move on." She sighed, stepping closer to her. "Look, I know your life has been way shittier than mine, and that sticks with you, but you need to move on. It’s not healthy to keep that shit to yourself. And I know we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot, but we can’t stay in the same cabin and hate each other." Lea placed a hand on Freya’s shoulder. "And now, I’m apologizing for never getting in touch with you. I should’ve pushed all those thoughts of you not caring if I did to the side. And I’m sorry for losing my temper like that." Her hand fell off Freya’s shoulder.

"Do you think I wouldn't have? I tried asking dad for your parent's number, but I couldn't even get in contact with him after he got put into rehab! I tried calling half the numbers in New York, I kid you not. I gave up because I knew I couldn't do shit. And even if I did find some way to get in contact with you later, I wasn't even allowed to use my fucking phone or the home phone. My moms would think I would try to call CPS on them whenever I tried to call somebody. And do you think I haven't tried to move on? No one here knows about my past, all they know is the fact I had two moms and one of them taught me how to pickpocket. None of them know about dad, none of them know the reason why I have two moms, no one even knows about you! I have never fucking even mentioned your name to them. I've made a new life for myself here. I've been through hell and back these past few years, ask anyone. Even an Aphrodite kid would be on my side! They know what I've been through here. I try keeping this shit to myself because no one needs to fucking know about my past life! It's like those little letters we wrote in elementary school, we write it and keep it safe for us to read when we graduate. That's exactly it. I've stored it, and I'll open it when I know that time has passed enough for me not to be hurt by it. I can hate you if I want, no one would bat an eye if they saw I didn't like you." She yelled at her, her arms crossed and a cold look on her face. She looked down at the hand on her shoulder, trying to shrug it off. "You should be sorry."

"You know what Freya, I really tried to be mature and mend whatever the fuck we have going, but I guess today wasn’t the day." She moved past Freya. "I’m leaving, and don’t try to fucking stop me." Azalea took off running, throwing the basket of strawberries behind her. Most of the strawberries inside had ice stuck to them now, and so did the basket.

She didn't reply and just watched her run off. She looked at the frozen basket, and just walked away, back to her cabin.

—

The girl walked into her room, slamming the door behind her. She placed the basket of strawberries on the dresser and she looked at herself in the mirror, fixing her hair. She looked down at her hands, which had been shaking like crazy since she saw Azalea. She let out a shaky breath and took a seat on her bed, hugging her knees to her chest. She stared at the wall in front of her that had her old sports jersey hanging on a hanger. Palvin, 16. It was one of the only things she had brought, and it was the only good memory from her school years. But, now just looking at it, she felt a knot build up in her stomach. Her mind wandered to an old memory. She had gotten home from one of her games, it was about eight p.m. and the game had ended at 7:25. She had waited until 7:45 before she had to walk home because it was only then she realized that neither of her parents were going to pick her up. She declined offers of ride homes from two friends, and even the coach because she didn't want them to see her house. When she got to her home, she just looked up at it. It was a fairly tiny wooden home that had graffiti on the side, and multiple broken bottles and unknown drugs all over the front. People would whisper when they see it. Did you see that house? How can someone live there? Was what they said every time. I feel bad, I think that there's a girl from school in there. It would always make her feel like she was an outcast, and she was. She walked inside, and placed her bookbag and her sports bags down. The TV was blaring with some movie on, and she heard yelling from her parents room. The young girl slowly started walking towards the room. She heard crying, and the two talking. She tried walking quietly, but the floorboards creaked. They didn't hear it, and when she got close enough, she placed her ear towards the door to hear the conversation. "Our poor girl," They would sob.She could imagine their faces as they cried, cried, cried. As they talked about sending Freya away, to an orphanage. They thought it would do her some better. Maybe there she could get adopted into a better, richer, and more stable family. She realized that this was the first time that had been fully sober in two years. Even though half of Freya thought it was a great idea for them to send her off, the more sensitive part of her felt like she wasn't loved enough for her own parents to keep her. To make themselves better for her.

Freya didn't realize she was crying until the tears rolled down her cheek, and she pushed her head into her knees as she let it all out. It was the first time she had cried since she had gone through some of the worst things that had happened to her at camp, which seemed to happen years ago. But she let everything out now, like she would never be able to again.

| A/N - I have literally deleted everything that I had on my tumblr page and now it looks completely new, yayy! I'll be writing more later, and the page will probably contain more of blurbs now.

#camphalfblood #chb #roleplay #roleplaying #writingsample #writing sample

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asknarashikari · 2 years ago

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My thoughts on Over Demons.

I'll be talking more on the rider itself and not necessarily the users of it. And I do consider Over Demons to be a separate from Demons. (Side Note: Regarding Hikaru, I don't think he's that good of a character. But on the other hand, I do think he's not as bad as other people might think. I don't like him that much but I don't hate or dislike him either. I'm just indifferent or meh on the guy, I was fine with him prior to becoming a rider and when he was just in the background/sidelines.)

Let me say this, I think Over Demons is... kinda weird. It's a mixed bag for me? There are good ideas and concepts, probably on paper though but I digress. I kinda like the suit okay tbh, I do like the original Demons a lot more though, even if Over Demons is basically just Vail's armor overlapping the original Demons' undersuit. I still am kinda disappointed on how Over Demons isn't like a power up/alternate form for Demons for several reasons I might go over soon. But on the other hand, I do actually like the idea of a completely separate rider that literally utilizes the same driver (and it's not even the mass production copies the troopers use!) as Demons. However, I feel like Over Demons shouldn't even be called "Over Demons" if it's supposed to be a completely different rider from Demons, that name really sounds like it could be another form for the original Demons. That's really different from Build and Agito regarding Rogue and MadRogue plus Agito and Another Agito, they actually feel like they are completely separate riders and should be like they are in literally so many ways. Not just different names, but indistinguishable suit designs that actually make them feel believably separate enough, henshin jingles, and drivers. But Over Demons is bit of a...funny case. Not just the name, but even the HENSHIN JINGLE sounds like it should've been for a power up/another form for the original Demons. Henshin Announcement Comparisons: "Decide Up! Deep! Drop! Danger! Kamen Rider Demons!" - Demons Henshin Annoucement "Delete Up! Unknown! Unrest! Unlimited! Kamen Rider Over Demons!" - Over Demons' Henshin Announcement

Well if you exclude the "Delete Up" part, I guess. But still, Over Demons' jingle actually overall kinda sounds like that henshin jingle could've been used for a new form for Demons!

And yeah, I know that Demons uses the spider vistamp and Over Demons is kuwagata (stag beetle). Both completely separate vistamps. Even the Demons Troopers kinda confirm that they're separate but I do like the idea on two different kinds of fairly similar rider mooks, like the Demons Troopers either being based off Demons or Over Demons' animal themes. Then again, Live/Evil had the bat theme for their primary base forms... That suddenly SWITCHED to the crow theme for the power up forms. What difference does that make? Crows and bats aren't even that similar, just like spiders and stag beetles. (At least with KR Vail and Destream, Kabuto and Hercules are kinda similar and those beetles are even from the same family.) Remember what I said about Over Demons' suit basically a mix of both the original Demons and (Kamen Rider) Vail's suits? That's another idea I actually like (even if it could be pulled off better theoretically), considering the Demons Driver is used to transform into Demons plus Genta's demon Vail was sealed and resided in the Demons Driver for some time. Not to mention that the Vail Driver (now the Destream Driver) was basically a prototype to the Demons Driver, they even have similar designs and functions! They could've gone more on the similarities but it's sad there probably wasn't time to flesh that out!

If you really think about it, Over Demons is just Demons but with a stag beetle motif slapped onto it. They use the same driver, they both use the genomix system, and even their designs (mostly the lower body and forearms) are similar. And not to mention some of the ideas/concepts regarding Over Demons just give me the impression that these ideas should've just been used as an alternate/new upgrade form for Demons. (Yeah, it's weird to give Demons a power up before Jeanne, the tertiary rider but still.) But I don't think the show really did a good job of making Over Demons naturally feel like a "vaguely similar enough yet completely separate" rider from Demons, even several other shows kinda did that aspect better.

So when you all come down to it... I think Over Demons is such a awkward choice? It's a mixed bag to me for sure and I really appreciate the concepts for Over Demons that are probably mostly better on paper. But my biggest gripes regarding Over Demons is how some of the ideas regarding it both sound and seem like it could've been used for a power up for Demons, even though Demons and Over Demons are completely different riders. Yet they don't do enough to make the ideas regarding Over Demons actually feel like that it is and should be a completely separate rider beyond the users that get it I guess. It baffles me so much to the point I just needed to get my thoughts off.

#submission

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theplushmaker · 4 years ago

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Oki since someone asked for the Silver headcannons I'll post them, there's quite a few so I hope you enjoy!

Please let me know if I should put a warning

• Silver loves to look at the night sky to see the stars since he came from an apocalyptic future where ash and smog covered the sky

• Silver was originally part of Sonic's time but was transported 200 years into the future by Mephiles to insure the (rewritten) events of Sonic 06

• Silver enjoys botany

• Silver was taught English by Mephiles

• Silver knows seconds and days but has trouble when it comes to hours, weeks, months, and years

• Silver at first had trouble understanding how birthdays worked

• Silver was a lot shorter when he first met Sonic due to malnourishment, making him look like a 10-year-old (despite being 14)

• only Silver remembers the events of Sonic 06 due to Mephiles' interference

• Silver had to ask Sonic what certain words meant ex: parents, mom and dad, sister/brother, etc, etc, the first time he asked Sonic what family was, Sonic was, understandably, confused then worried, afterward, Silver had asked Shadow instead only to get the same results (albeit less obvious) so now he only asks if he can't figure it out on his own

• Silver is used to hot temperatures due to the lava and fire in the apocalyptic future

• Silver gained the ability of foresight, albeit weak, (after Sonic 06) and is only able to use it when meditating (this is so that Silver doesn't have to appear JUST because "oh the future's in danger and he has to prevent it" like in the games)

• Silver can not time travel, that was all Mephiles' doing (^)

• Silver has a fear of fire (pyrophobia)

• Silver can not tell when someone is being sarcastic and will take everything someone says literally, Charmy learned this the hard way when he told Silver to "throw the bucket of water at Sonic" Sonic was knocked unconscious with Tails panicking, safe to say Charmy learned his lesson and was later grounded by Espio when he found out

• Silver's first "food" when Mephiles sent him back was ham sandwiches

• when Shadow had to keep an eye on Silver, (along with Rouge and Omega, due to him getting a head injury because Shadow "accidentally" kicked him and Rouge felt it was their mostly his responsibility to take care of him till he recovers) he saw Silver laying on the ground outside, when Shadow walked over Silver looked at him with big eyes saying "it's so small" with the tone of an amazed child, upon closer inspection Shadow found out that he was referring to a caterpillar he found eating a leaf, Rouge was there recording the whole thing

• Silver managed to make Shadow smile when he first saw snow and started acting like a child on his first snow day

• Silver never told anyone about the events of 06 after the "time-line reset" thinking it was best left forgotten (that and he's afraid of what everyone will think should he tell them that he helped a man, who no longer exists, almost end the world)

• Silver sleeps at 12:40 but will wake up at 4:00 IN THE MORNING just because he's still not used to the concept of time, the only reason why everyone knows this is because one-time Sonic let Silver stay the night at his and Tails place, and Tails ended up finishing a project at 4:33 AM the boy walked out of his lab expecting for Sonic and Silver to be asleep, only to get the absolute daylights scared out of him when he finds Silver (trying to but shh!) Reading a book at the kitchen table, Silver fell out of his chair and Sonic came down running (but not without falling off his bed and hitting his head hard) to check on them, after that they told everyone of Silver's "messed up" sleep schedule

• Silver is illiterate but is trying his best to learn how to read without anyone knowing, so far no one suspects a thing

• Silver has quite a bit of pain tolerance given the fact that Knuckles dislocated his shoulder once and Silver didn't even flinch, even after they fixed it by taking him to a doctor

• Silver can not stay in one place for too long, given the fact that he traveled all over the place in the apocalyptic future, it was only a given that the habit never died, of course, Sonic and co can keep him from leaving by simply keeping him busy, this has helped greatly with surprise party's

• Silver's first "language" was just a mix-mash of 40 other languages

• if Silver doesn't use his psychokinesis he can end up building up too much energy for his body to handle, so what happens if he can no longer handle it you may ask? Chaos, absolute chaos, he ends up acting like Charmy on a sauger rush and Sonic when he has coffee, his abilities go haywire and he doesn't even know it, the worse part is, the only reason he did stop using his psychokinesis is because he made a bet with Shadow to see who can go the longest without using their abilities, Rouge, of course, recorded the whole thing, along with Omega, no one has let him live it down since

• the gold bracelet things (what are they even called?) Silver has can store excess energy and it can store a lot, (so combine that with energy build-up)

• Silver has nightmares of when his primary caretakers were killed, (PTSD?) Though sometimes it would be about Blaze, Amy, Sonic, Shadow, or all of them, sometimes it's them getting killed or them leaving him once they remember or find out about the events of 06, which is why he tries his best to act as normal as everyone else, though sometimes it's about Mephiles telling him things, he tries to bury those memories

• Silver didn't know it at the time but he and Mephiles had a father-son relationship before he realized Mephiles was using him, it saddens him knowing that he might never have that type of relationship again

• Silver sometimes reminds Shadow of Maria with how he acts when he sees/ learns something new

• Silver, Shadow and Sonic have a brotherly relationship, Silver being the young oblivious brother, Sonic being the carefree middle brother, and Shadow being the strict older brother

• Silver may act like a child most of the time but if someone gets in his way of survival, he will go stone cold

• Silver's boots are made of metal so they weigh quite a bit, of course, the only reason why everyone knows this is because when Shadow "accidentally" knocked him unconscious, he, along with Rouge, tried to drag him inside only to find out his boots weighed him down and had to be removed, this lead to the discovery that Silver was underweight, (they left his boots outside, covered by a box because they didn't want to bother trying to move them inside)

• Amy and Vanille were the first to find out that Silver had quite the sweet tooth, he likes marshmallows best

• Silver gets vocabulary lessons from Amy while taking cooking and health lessons

• Vanille makes sure that Silver eats whenever she gets the chance, like a worried mother

• Silver's teeth are surprisingly healthy, just not the cleanest... with a little bit of red staining (though people assume that it's because his gums bleed and not because he ate something he shouldn't have) Amy had to teach him how to brush and had to remind him to brush every night until it became a good habit of his, his teeth are also pretty sharp for a hedgehog (I wonder why)

• due to multiple reasons, (take a guess) most of Sonic Co think that Silver didn't have a great upbringing, with most of them assuming that he had strict parents and lived during a famine in a dry/hot area that was prone to violence, which they aren't wrong but they are?

• with Silver's fear of fire, one would think that he and Blaze didn't get along, but the opposite is true, Blaze keeps using fire at a minimum when he's around and if she did use it then she'd give ample warning time and space before she does it, in return Silver stays close to the ground so he doesn't "trigger" her fear of heights

• Silver does not know anything about romance, so when he starts to suddenly feel odd around Blaze, ex: abnormal heart rate, weird feeling in his stomach, warm cheeks, etc, he asks Amy about it, (mostly because she's been teaching him about health) and she gets excited and tells him about love (she's secretly cupid, fight me)

#sonic the hedgehog #silver the hedgehog #sonic headcanon #blaze the cat mentioned #maria robotnik mentioned #e 123 omega #shadow the hedgehog #amy rose #Vanille the rabbit #rouge the bat #charmy bee #espio the chameleon #Mephiles the dark mentioned #Knuckles the echidna mentioned #tails the fox mentioned #this is the longest post I've ever made #probably will make more XD #next time I'll do some charmy headcannons!

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nattikay · 3 years ago

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So with Rise of the Titans coming in less than a week now, I just wanted to make a clarifying post of sorts on my current mental state with it, since ToA is my primary active fandom at the moment and I have a decent number of followers who came for it. A sort of heads-up on what to expect from this blog when the film releases.

I have made it no secret that I was extremely crestfallen by the decision to reverse Jim’s transformation at the end of Wizards, for a multitude of reasons that I have discussed before. However, I have also always tried to allow for the caveat that I don’t know what will happen in the movie, that such a change might have been necessary for the events of said movie, and that seeing the movie might change my mind.

However, while it is possible that the movie might change my mind....it’s highly unlikely.

As I have mentioned before, one of the things that draws me to troll!Jim specifically as a character is the fact that I find his hybrid nature extremely intriguing. It is this intrigue more than any other aspect of the show that drew me into the fandom.

That said, there are really only two scenarios the movie could potentially pull that would make me change my mind about reversing the transformation:

Bring Jim’s halftroll form back in some way, shape, or form.

Present a different scenario that I find even more intriguing.

Note that neither of these are speaking to the objective quality of the movie. I have no doubt that, whatever happens, it will be very well-done in terms of animation, emotion, storytelling, etc. And I do not say any of this to diss on the creative team who put it all together, as I have nothing but respect for their passion and skills.

But as for my personal experience and interaction with the series up to this point...well....I’m sorry, but it’s been clouded.

My anticipation for Wizards last summer was higher than that for any other show that I can remember looking forward to, ever. So much so that it took a physical toll on me because of how high my anxiety spiked leading up to, during, and a while after its release. And I got burned. After all that excitement, all that anticipation, all that hype, the one possible thing that I was most dreading and hoped wouldn’t happen...happened. And Boy Did It Hurted.

After that ordeal, I’m in a...kinda weird place, emotionally, for RotT. There’s still residual anxiety left over from the emotional fiasco of Wizards, and with my favorite character now (sorta) gone...there’s not really much excitement tbh...only apprehension. I haven’t even been able to bring myself to really watch any of the trailers.

I will definitely still watch the movie, but at this the current moment it feels a little more out of a mix of obligation and “let’s-get-this-over-with” just to see the canon ending. Which is a shame and believe me I wish I could get as excited as everyone else...but it is what it is.

As for my fanworks and how the movie will affect them...well, obviously I can’t say 100% for sure without having actually seen the movie. Currently my post-canon works take place in a universe where everything that’s happened in canon so far did occur, but sometime after the events of Wizards Jim chooses to go back to halftroll form, with Douxie making the potion for him and even slightly adjusting it so that he can still walk in daylight. Here’s the current possibilities as far as I can imagine:

I completely ignore the events of the movie and just continue with ^ that headcanon.

I accept all the events of the movie but still have Jim transform back afterwards. So basically the current version but with a little more in-between.

One of two scenarios mentioned earlier happens, and I will adjust accordingly. Unfortunately I think this is the least likely possibility as I am not very optimistic about either scenario occurring (but would be more than happy to eat my words)

I accept all the events of the movie but only as an AU where Jim is still half-troll, be it that he never changed back in Wizards OR that he used Douxie’s potion as mentioned above.

I basically keep the current headcanon but pick and choose specific ideas or events from the movie to incorporate into it.

so...yeah, I guess. That’s where I am with RotT right now, and perhaps you now have somewhat of a better idea what to expect from this blog in the coming days/weeks.

mostly I just want to retreat into the headcanons that make me happy in peace. If that makes me a bad fan or something, then...whatever I guess. imma just continue liking what i like because dangit that’s what i’m here for.

*another obligatory disclaimer that again this just applies to my personal subjective experience with the show and is not meant as any sort of objective critique or dismissal of its quality*

#tales of arcadia #trollhunters #rise of the titans #man i hate anxiety

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qqueenofhades · 4 years ago

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So this is probably a dumb question and there is probably something wrong with me but I’m going to ask anyway. Have you ever fallen totally, madly, and deeply in love with a fictional character and all you do is think about them and it hurts to think about them but you really just want to talk to them and tell them things and hear their take on things? And you then form a weird attachment to the actor, who you are not in love with because you love the fake character, not the actor, because the actor is kind of a jerk, but since the actor played the fake character and you think they are hot now you are semi-in love with the actor by proxy since they played that stupid fake character that you’re aching to talk to/be with and they also look like them. So now you are in this stupid place where you are both in love with a fake being and in by proxy love with a jerky actor and you are hyper-fixated both on this stupid character that isn’t even real but you have real achy pains of longing for them AND the hot disaster mess that you clearly are because you’re in love with a fake character. Meanwhile, you need to get out more and make friends but you can’t because now you have a sort of real broken heart over a pretend nonexistent romantic relationship with a made up person and a proximal, nonexistent, your face is hot relationship with the sack of skin that played them. Does this ever happen to other ppl or is it just me?

Okay look. I have NOT for the life of me ever been able to find this post again, or remember the name of the category (I think it starts with the letter i, but that is all, and my attempts to Google search for it have, of course, turned up nothing but porn). But some while ago, I read a definition of a subsidiary sexual orientation called something like "ideosexual" or "imagosexual" that turned me into the DEFINITION of "I came out to have a good time and I'm feeling so attacked right now." Because the list included, among other things, experiences/feelings like:

Being primarily attracted to fictional characters, celebrities, or other people who don't exist in real life or exist only far away from you, so that you're fantasizing about them from a safe distance rather than engaging them as a real person/actual relationship;

Enjoying fictional depictions of sex/smut more than you're drawn to seek out actual sexual experiences in real life, no matter your primary orientation or the gender of the people you're attracted to;

Being mostly satisfied in experiencing these imagined or idealistic relationships, and finding fulfillment in them.

This fell somewhere on the demiromantic/asexual spectrum, where you felt sexual and romantic attraction, but for a person who was not somebody you ever expected to actually be with or who might not even be real. You enjoyed fantasizing about them and experiencing fictional sex through them, whether of the written or visual medium, but didn't really feel particularly drawn to do so in real life. As a strongly ace-spec queer and fairly nonbinary person who has a very complicated relationship with my body/a dislike of close physical touch/no particular need to have a real partner of any kind, I was a bit like... wow, that sounds a lot like me. We've all had deep crushes on characters before, we're all aware that boundaries in fandom can get confused, some people write fanfiction about real people/actors (which I find.... deeply off-putting and mystifying, to say the least, but you know, each to their own, they have their things and I have mine), and it in general creates a semi-fictional erotic space that relies heavily on personal fantasies and curated imagery. But all people do this. Even people who aren't in fandom do this. You fantasize about strangers or you watch porn or you find a celebrity hot and have an intense parasocial crush on them. Humans are inherently visual creatures who LOVE stories. It's no surprise that sex, one of our other big preoccupations, is one of the chief sources for this.

Anyway, that is to say: there's nothing wrong with you, most people on Tumblr can probably relate to this experience in some way, and the fact that you're able to set clear boundaries (this is the character, this is the actor, this is real, this is not real, this is what I feel for one, this is what I feel for another, I recognize this is confused and mixed up but I'm not sure what to do) is a very good sign. It would be much more of a problem if you weren't able to make all those distinctions, and while it absolutely does suck, the upside is that a fictional character (especially one that you have extensively created through your own headcanons) will always be with you. Real partners come and go, and this isn't to say that you only ever need fictional characters, but you don't need to completely disavow them either. If that's a secret thing you have and which you really feel, it's okay. We've all cried buckets over fake people, whether for happy or sad reasons. We all have that one character death we'll never get over (or several). And you know, I like that. The fact that we can get so invested in fake people (in a way, frankly, we should get more invested in REAL people) shows our empathy and our willingness to engage with others apart from ourselves, and that is rather lovely.

The age of social media has allowed people both to freely share their personal fantasies and private thoughts, and to be judged for them, which is a bit of a mixed bag. We're all here on Tumblr reminding ourselves that these are technically our blogs (and they are) and we can say or enjoy whatever we want, but we're all wary of some random jerk coming along and judging us for it, since we have put it into the public sphere to be consumed. This is the case even though it's placed/framed in a way where we are supposed to understand that is just one's own personal opinion. There are some truly miserable people on the internet who are on an apparent never-ending crusade to serve as the latter-day Comstock Police, but those people have existed throughout history, and they just have more tools to do it now. And guess what? I'm pretty sure those people have secret fantasies too, but they can't talk about them now because they would likewise put themselves in a position to be judged, and they don't want that.

Anyway. There's nothing wrong with you, and you're not dumb. This is a deeply normal experience for many people, and that is the truth. <3

#anonymous #ask

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phthalology · 3 years ago

Text

There is Singing in the prison.

Jesh Thule does not doubt his own abilities. He is a Titan, and he has held many battle lines. But Ikora warned him he might be tempted to talk to the prisoner, to the Warlock whose name has begun to be circulated with the same mix of respect and disgust as Osiris’ was. Or was it that he might be tempted to listen?

She never said anything about singing.

Guard duty makes him restless. There are rumors of terrors worse than the Fallen now, and heroes willing to sell their souls to them. Some people are sympathetic to the Fallen, but that sympathy does not find itself greeted with eager deception. The Fallen raid and attack and do not speak a language that can be understood outside their ranks. The possibility of peace is locked behind walls of grammar and vocabulary, so-far impassible but mundane barriers. The Hive speak directly into the mind, some say, and extend incomprehensible ideas in plain, clawed hands. And this fallen Guardian Jesh is taking a shift to watch wants to turn one reaching Hive into a forest of hands that could grasp the whole Last City. Toland the Shattered did something, told the Hive something, drew them some map, and for that he was brought in while the Vanguard make a final decision what to do with him.

Jesh is bored by his duty but does understand the seriousness of this, and so he turns and looks at the door behind him.

His first surprise: the thready song is not the only tactic Toland is using. The room behind the door of the makeshift cell is on fire. Jesh feels the familiar Solar burn of a Warlock Super on his legs and the bottom of his feet.

There aren’t usually cells in the Tower at all, not like this. Not ones with locks on the outside, not for people. But the Vanguard are meeting to decide this Warlock’s fate, and he’s doing something weird. Something Jesh Thule should do his duty to stop.

So he crosses the narrow hall to the locked door. Fire licks out from beneath it. Warlocks’ Crucible fire Jesh knows, but he thinks he never understood before why it was called Sunsinging. The voice is cracked, not with any discernible youth or age but like trying to speak out of a cut throat. Nevertheless, singing: resonant, humid not like fire at all but like breath too close.

Jesh knocks on the door. “Hey, quiet down. You can sing if you want, but don’t do any … magic stuff. Do you need anything? Snack?”

There is not a window in the cell. It used to be ammunition storage, maybe. Walls thick enough to take an explosion. Jesh almost wishes he could see Toland’s face instead of just imagining the connection between that slippery voice and the fire still blackening the bottom of the door.

“This will be the sound and the fire of our destruction,” Toland says. “Or half of it. Or twice it. Whatever way the life song and the death are tangled together … I still must know. I still have time.” The voice becomes wheedling, regretful.

Jesh becomes bored. “I said stop doing it. Vanguard will be back any minute.”

He turns away.

Toland keeps talking. Jesh suspects this is one of his primary traits, and tunes the words out.

And yet they go on, and there is something of the fire in them; something bright and twisting. You’ve seen the green needles in the skin of the Earth. The seed ships, which are also life and death at once. Tombs filled with nurseries. Leaves sprouting from bone… to discern life from death like notes on a scale, to notate eons of crumbling survival or a day of rotting youth, to take hold of time …

Jesh turns back toward the door. Shakes his head to clear it. “I know what you’re doing. It won’t work. You can’t sing me into a lull, or whatever it is you do. I’m too smart for it.”

Warlocks, he knows, don’t have a monopoly on that. He can feel the temptation to engage with the words, to even bother to follow them, and resists. There are more important things to concern himself with right now. The Hive are on humanity’s doorstep, and they are more numerous and strange than even an Awoken Guardian, awash in magic after magic, can comprehend. But they won’t defeat the Guardians. Jesh is going to live a long life and keep getting pastries at the same bakery until the sun runs out.

Or will he?

Toland mutters: … All questions fade away in response to the last question, that which is also the final shape … do we lose? Are we erased?

The words float up to Jesh as if out of a dream. Sensations flash through him: the Hive are coming here. They are attacking en masse now. They …

Toland is speaking out loud instead of singing or beaming directly into Jesh’s head now, the Titan thinks but is not sure. “The Hive already outlasted us. Their species is older than ours. Were we to align the beginning of humanity to their beginning, we would have a glorious future ahead of us.”

Jesh Thule’s mind is being rearranged. Maybe this is worth talking about. “They aren’t right just because they’ve won,” he manages. “Won some measure of numbers, I mean. They haven’t won the war.”

“They still drop seed ships. They still sing to us from the moon. Look up at our scarred satellite. Can’t you see them?”

He almost can. The idea of them, the song of them, winds around Jesh’s ear. A backing chorus rises up behind it, a thousand screaming voices (or three, maybe, three voices that he strains to hear because despite their grating and alien tone they are somehow like him …) and their echoes bouncing off the rippled walls of a cave.

Ikora’s footfalls rang on the floor.

Jesh blinks. He is standing much closer to the door than he had thought, his helmeted face tilted up toward where he imagined the Moon might be. Turning around, he sees Ikora as if she suddenly appeared in color when his world had been black and white before.

She inclines her chin at the door. A few tendrils of flame smolder beneath it again. “Don’t talk to him. It’s dangerous.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“What did he tell you?”

“That the Hive are still sending advance forces onto Earth, despite the Lunar Interdict.”

“The interdict holds, as well as it ever did,” Ikora says.

Toland laughs behind the door. Now he does just sound old, as if his voice is finally growing tired. It gives Jesh energy to try to get back some of his lost dignity.

“No more,” Jesh says. “You’ve lied to us —“

“Is it a lie if it rhymes?” says Toland.

“Stop with that Warlock crap,” says Ikora Rey, and steps toward the door. Jesh realizes with shock that he had begun to imagine an invisible line on the ground in front of the door, right at the edge of the tip of the longest flame, and that if he stepped over it the smallest bit he would be burned to ash in one long second, a melody in his ear all the while. He had been trying to cross that line, and could not.

Ikora steps over it effortlessly.

Toland shuts up.

The enormity of this situation is not lost on Jesh Thule.

“This is over.” Ikora gestures Jesh down the hall and speaks softly. “Whatever he told you, it doesn’t matter. He tries to get inside your head. Tries effortlessly.”

“All that about the last question, about whether we might lose …”

“He’s worried,” Ikora says.

“He sounded pretty certain, to me.”

“I know. That’s his problem, too.”

“And you’re going to …”

“Make sure he doesn’t talk where any of us can hear. And keep the Hive at bay.”

The other Vanguard round the corner. They relieve Jesh of duty, and as he watches them set up a neat trio before the door he feels the jagged edges of Toland’s words smoothed away. The Hive might win, yes. But that isn’t reason to dwell on the possibility.

Except the conviction, in the screaming song …

No. It’s simply not important.

Jesh moves on.

Toland is exiled.

#writings #destiny 2 #toland #faux grimoire

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intheticklecloset · 4 years ago

Text

Off-Kilter (Haikyuu!!)

Primary Universe

@veryblushyswitch Thank you! I'm having a lot of fun writing them! (It's kind of weird seeing your old picture there now, lol.) Anyway, thank you for the fun prompt! I went with Kageyama as the lee because that boy deserves all the tickles. Enjoy! ^^

The gym door slid open, and all Noya could think was, finally. Only it wasn’t Asahi, like he’d been expecting. It was Kageyama. What made his arrival even more out of place was that Hinata wasn’t bounding in ahead of or after him.

Still, practice was practice.

“Hey, Kageyama,” he called, drawing the first-year’s attention. “Grab a ball and help me practice my receives.”

Kageyama blinked. “Sure.”

Where is Asahi? Noya wondered. The only reason he was here at this ungodly hour of the morning was because the ace had asked him to help him practice serves. For that matter, if Kageyama was here, where was Hinata? It was unusual for the two of them not to arrive together.

Just as the setter was grabbing a ball out of the basket after shedding his club jacket, Tanaka entered, yawning. Noya stared at him. He never arrived early. What was going on today?

Well, the more the merrier.

“Tanaka! You, too. Get a ball and start serving. Let’s go!”

“It is way too early for you to be this hyper, my dude,” Tanaka mumbled good-naturedly, following the libero’s orders.

“Blame Asahi. He said he’d be here and he’s not. I’ve got a bone to pick with him and it’s making me antsy.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Noya,” Kageyama called from the opposite side of the net. “Ready?”

Noya nodded, getting into position. “Bring it on.”

For the next several minutes, Noya practiced his receiving while Kageyama and Tanaka practiced their serves. The latter was getting much better; he’d even begun to form a pre-serve routine, which Noya found hilarious. But it was effective, so he wasn’t complaining. Their setter, though, was off his game today. His serves were consistent in getting over the net, but not in landing where they were meant to, which made Noya have to work even harder to receive them. Again, he wasn’t complaining; it was good practice. But the libero did have to wonder what exactly was going on in this gym this morning. Everything felt…off, somehow.

And Asahi still wasn’t showing up. Noya would give him a good scolding for that later, for sure.

Finally, after about fifteen minutes, Tanaka tossed a serve over the right side of the net that Noya received perfectly. But directly after his serve, Kageyama served as well, evidently having not realized the libero wasn’t ready for him yet. Still, Noya made a valiant effort by lunging to the left side of the court and thrusting out his arm.

“Rolling thunder!” he yelled dramatically, barely catching the ball’s landing with the top of his hand. It bounced once, then landed outside the court a few feet away.

“Sorry,” Kageyama called. “That was my bad.”

“Dude, you’re all sorts of off-kilter this morning,” Noya observed, getting to his feet with a grin. He put his hands on his hips. “Did you not get enough sleep or something?”

“Our royal highness needs his beauty rest,” Tanaka teased.

Kageyama bristled. “Shut up! I got enough sleep. I’m just not energized yet.”

“It’s because you and Hinata didn’t race your butts off trying to get here before the sun this morning, huh?”

The setter didn’t deny it.

Noya shrugged, ducking under the net to join them on their side of the court. “That’s okay. We’ll help you wake up. We can run laps around the gym.”

Tanaka groaned. “Noyaaaa, why do you have to be like that?”

“What? Running laps is important exercise. Besides, it’s probably about time we switched things up anyway. The others will be here eventually. It would be good to have a head start; show them what sleeping in gets them.” When neither of his teammates moved, Noya reached forward to grab each of their wrists and start pulling. “Come on, you lazy bums. Let’s go. Just a few laps, come on.”

Tanaka groaned but eventually gave in. Kageyama started jogging, but not very quickly.

Noya laughed. “You’re both so slow! How about this – if I get my laps in before you I’ll make you do finger push-ups at the end.”

With that, the libero took off, Tanaka right behind him. “You can’t tell me what to do, you little spiky-haired brat! I’m a second-year, same as you!”

“Doesn’t matter! Everyone knows I’m the team’s star. You gotta listen to me if you want to get better!”

“I’ll show you!”

The second-years raced around the gym, blazing past Kageyama once, twice, and then a third time before finally completing their five laps. Despite Noya’s threat, the setter didn’t seem to be in any hurry.

Pumped up from the race, both Noya and Tanaka barreled towards the first-year, yelling at the top of their lungs. Kageyama turned but had no time to react before they were on him, tackling him to the floor of the gym. The libero then recalled a play from Hinata’s book and smirked, starting to poke up and down his side.

Kageyama giggled immediately, unable to hold back despite how much he wished he could. “Ah! No!”

“Wake up, Kageyama,” Noya teased.

“No, dohohon’t!”

Tanaka grinned like the Tasmanian Devil and joined in, skipping over poking and going straight to digging into his ribs. “Come on, bro! You can’t be that sluggish without Hinata! Wake up!”

“Stop!” Kageyama pleaded, smiling uncontrollably. He tried to sit up and push them away, but they each grabbed a shoulder and pushed him back down, keeping him in place while they tickled him gently. “Guys!”

Noya smirked. “You know, watching you get stuck in the door of that bus was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.”

“Ugh, lehehehet it go alreadyehehehehe!”

“No kidding! He couldn’t even move,” Tanaka agreed. “It was hilarious!”

“S-Stahahap! D-Don’t tihihickle me!”

The second-years exchanged glances, grinning wickedly at each other and then at Kageyama. Without a word, they each went all in, grabbing at whatever ticklish spots they could reach on his torso as he jerked and started thrashing beneath them, giggles turning to laughter.

“Nohohohohoho! Stahahahap it! Dohohohohon’t – nohohohohohohoho!” The setter squealed, shoving desperately at the hands digging into his stomach. He kicked his legs frantically. “Nohohoya, Tanaka, stahahahahahahahap!”

“Are you awake yet?” Noya asked, smiling wide at his younger teammate.

“Yehehehehes, I’m awahahahahake!”

Tanaka hummed. “Are you suuuure?”

Kageyama couldn’t stop giggling to save his life, and it was embarrassing him. How pathetic was he, being this ridiculously sensitive to the lightest touch? He tried to roll onto his side but only succeeded in giving Tanaka better access to his lower back and spine, making him flop right back down. “Ahahahahahaha, stahahahahahap! Plehehehehehease!”

“All right, I guess that’s enough,” Noya said, removing his fingers and sitting back, proud of the work they’d done. “Feeling a little more energized now?”

“Ugh…y-yeah, whatever,” Kageyama said with a groan, sitting up. A flash of orange caught his eye, and when he turned to look over Tanaka’s shoulder he saw Hinata standing there, eyes bright and smile wide, looking like he wanted to run a million laps. The setter’s eyes widened. “Hinata!”

“Are you tickling him? Can I join?” Hinata asked, not wasting any time.

Kageyama scrambled to his feet. “No, no! They’re not – you can’t – no!” He turned on his heel and sprinted away as the tiny redhead leaped at him, fingers wiggling and already laughing for the both of them. “Stay away! Hinata, no! No! Back off!”

Noya and Tanaka got to their feet as well, grinning at the two of them sprinting around the court, Kageyama deftly escaping Hinata’s speed only by making sudden, sharp u-turns as he ran, throwing the little decoy off.

“Well,” Tanaka said, “I see he has no problem running laps now.”

Noya chuckled. “Hinata certainly is a good motivator for him, that’s for sure.”

“Hey guys,” a new voice entered the mix, and they turned to see one of the third-years enter the gym. “Sorry I’m late.”

“Asahi!” Noya snapped, marching up to the much taller ace, suddenly remembering why he wanted to release his pent-up energy in the first place. “You told me to be here at five! Five! In the morning! What time is it now?”

Asahi held up his hands defensively. “I’m sorry, I overslept—”

“Do you know what I’ve had to put up with while I’ve been waiting for your butt to get here? These underclassmen are impossible!”

Tanaka held up a finger. “Uh, hello, I’m a second-year just like you.”

Across the gym, Hinata shrieked as Kageyama suddenly turned around and caught him around the waist, shoving him to the floor and hooking his fingers into his ribs. “Ah! Nohohohohohoho fahahahahair, Kahahahageyama!”

Noya kept shouting at Asahi. “It took me nearly thirty minutes to get Kageyama fired up enough to practice properly, and now Hinata comes bursting in here and making me look like a fool!”

Asahi blinked. “Noya, I said I’m sorry—”

“And another thing…!”

Tanaka sighed, turning to leave everyone at it while he cleaned up the volleyballs spread out around the court from their earlier practice. Might as well, he thought. This could take a while.

#fanfiction #tickle fic #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#hq #tobio #kageyama #yuu #nishinoya #noya #ryu #tanaka #practice #tired #wake up #playful #teasing #fun #friends #tickling #ticklish #tickle

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girlgrouptrash101 · 4 years ago

Text

MinYul (IZ*ONE) - He’ll Never Be You

Request: naur i just got some minyul feeels and had to get this out of my system yike

Word Count: 4,058

Warnings: there is none all is safe my friends

A/N: anything randomly in bold is their thoughts cuz,, idk minyul be having inner monologue moments ig

“It was so romantic, Yul! He held my hand and gave me his jacket! I swear I think I might be in love with him!” Minju squealed, kicking her legs up from where she lay on Yuri’s bed. The younger girl sat beside her, deep in thought. What was the difference between her and Hwang Hyunjin? She always held Minju’s hand and gave Minju her jacket when she was cold. Why was it such a special thing when he did it? Yuri huffed.

“Yuri, you good?” Minju asked, turning her head to look at her best friend.

“Yeah, I’m fine dumbo. Just sick of hearing you sound like a lovesick puppy, that’s all.” Yuri joked, resorting to teasing in order to mask the pain in her chest; jealousy and sadness mixing together to leave harsh thoughts in the younger girl’s mind.

“Don’t worry Yul, no need to be jealous. I’m sure someone will ask you out soon.”

Yuri sighed. She sure was jealous, but it certainly wasn’t because she didn’t have anyone like Minju did. It was because Minju had someone that wasn’t her.

“Cheer up buttercup. Wanna watch a movie?” Minju asked cheerily, unable to detect any of the inner turmoil currently spiralling in Yuri’s mind. The older didn’t even wait for Yuri to reply, grabbing the younger girl’s laptop and opening netflix. Yuri could only sit and watch as Minju picked a cheesy rom-com before snuggling into Yuri’s side. An action that had happened thousands of times before was now making Yuri stiffen like a statue, afraid Minju would hear the thumping of her heart as she nestled into her neck.

‘Friendship gets a lot harder when feelings are involved’, Yuri thinks to herself.

Drip.

Drop.

Drip.

Drop.

Yuri’s eyes flitted over to the kitchen sink, taking a breath as the splashes of water could be heard falling from the spout, the only other noise in the room apart from the steady breathing and occasional page turn from the girl in front of her. She tried her best to let the water distract her, tried to get her mind to focus on anything other than her best friend in front of her.

But they just wouldn’t.

They just couldn’t.

Unfortunately for Yuri, some part of her just couldn’t bear to keep her eyes off Minju for more than a minute. Maybe it was the way her dark locks framed her face as she focused on her homework; maybe it was the way she chewed her lip in concentration; or maybe it was just everything about her that drove Yuri crazy. The younger girl sighed softly as her eyes raked over her friend once more, her unfinished homework a mere memory of the past as her mind became overwhelmed with the same thing it a;ways did these days - Kim Minju.

“You’re going to burn a hole through me soon if you don’t stop staring, Yul.”

Yuri jumped as her best friend finally broke the comfortable silence that had settled between the two of them. She cleared her throat abruptly, muttering out a small apology before looking back down at her half-written essay in an attempt to hide her now flushed cheeks behind her hair.

“I’m kidding, you dummy. What’s up? Are you stuck on your work or something?” Minju asked, leaning over the table to poke her friend on top of her head.

“U- Um no, I’m okay Min, don’t worry-”

“Yul it’s okay! Let me help.” The older girl said, moving around the kitchen table to sit right next to Yuri. The younger girl’s breath hitched at Minju’s closeness, doing her best to keep composed as Minju read over her page, leaning into her side to get a better look.

“Yuri, this is really good! I don’t understand what’s wrong.” Minju said, turning to look at her friend who was looking everywhere but back at her. Minju sighed before leaning onto the table, propping her head up on her hand as she tried to catch Yuri’s eye.

“Jo Yuri.”

“Uh, yeah?”

“What’s up with you lately? You’re not acting like the Yul I know, and it’s weirding me out. Is there anything you wanna talk about?” She said, her voice a bit softer now as she brushed a strand of hair behind Yuri’s ear. The smaller girl finally looked up at her, a sad look in her eye as she tried to speak to Minju, but the words just wouldn’t come.

Minju was right, and Yuri couldn’t deny it. She had stopped teasing the girl, stopped the skinship, just stopped being cuddly old Yuri around Minju. Yuri could tell that the older girl hated these changes and knew something was up, but she just couldn’t tell her. She would never be able to tell her that lately, her every thought, her every worry, her every concern.. It was all about Minju. While she had always loved Minju since they’d become best friends in primary school, it was a different kind of love these days.

Those brown eyes she used to look in were now galaxies that pulled Yuri in and the younger girl never wanted to look away.

Her vanilla scent that had always seemed just too sweet to Yuri was now a flavour she wanted to drown herself in.

The lips she used to smear ice cream on playfully to annoy the younger girl were now ones she wanted to kiss, over and over, and over again.

But, the fear.

The fear of losing years of friendship, memories, laughter, love… Yuri was way too afraid to say anything for fear she’d lose everything. Though it was hard being around the girl you love every day without being able to have her the way she really wanted, Yuri still kept quiet. She kept quiet around the only girl she was truly ever able to be her loud, bashful self around, and it was so obvious to the both of them that the balance in their friendship was majorly askew.

'Fear is truly a powerful thing when it wants to be', Yuri thinks to herself as she repeats the same excuse she’s given to Minju for the last few weeks.

“I can’t talk to you about this one, Min. But I’m alright, I promise.”

Minju nodded softly, a disheartened look on her face. Yuri's heart clenched in pain to see those eyes tinged with sadness, especially knowing it was because of her, but she just couldn't tell her. Not now, not when there was so much at stake.

The older girl sighed out once again, feeling dejected as she moved back to her own seat. Her mind was racing at a mile a minute, wondering what could be bothering Yuri so bad that she couldn't even tell Minju anything about it. The two had never kept secrets from one another before, so it truly hurt Minju to be iced out this way.

The girls worked in a now deeply uncomfortable silence, both of them stuck between an atmosphere of wanting to talk but also wanting to run away from the issue completely. It was clear to anyone that Yuri was the one who wanted to do most of the running.

Once the sun began to set, Yuri used an excuse of her mom calling her home, quickly packing her bag and darting out of the older girl's kitchen. This left Minju alone with her thoughts, which quickly began to spiral.

‘This isn't my Yul, something is seriously wrong here.

She's been iffy for a while now, but today was something more.

There had never been a second of awkwardness between us before, ever, but today...

It was almost hard to breathe, sitting in that horrible silence.

She can't tell me, but why?

The only reason Yuri would keep something from me is if it was about me...?

Is it about me?

Did I hurt Yul?

God. What did I do to make her so uneasy around me...?’

Minju shut her eyes tight in an attempt to block out her inner monologue, her head falling into her palms as she sat at the kitchen table. Yuri was her rock, her partner in crime, her... whatever! Yuri was someone she couldn't live without. The girl she relied so heavily upon was building a wall between them, one she had to break down before the last brick could be placed.

Minju could never last a day without Yuri, her Yul, by her side.

While Minju wallowed in her sorrows at home, Yuri fared no better. She said a quick hello to her parents, blurting out some excuse as to why she was skipping dinner and making a beeline for her room.

The young girl threw herself into her bed, letting her covers swallow her up, just as her emotions had been doing to her lately. She closed her eyes and desperately searched for sleep, but it never came.

Just as it had been for every night for the last few months, the same thing ran through her mind.

‘Minju,

Minju,

Minju.’

While she thought keeping her feelings to herself would keep their friendship afloat, it seemed that things were going downhill whether she spoke to Minju about it or not. Just why did these things have to be so complicated?

'Stupid Minju for being so stupidly irressistible', she thought.

Yuri huffed. Just why did Kim Minju think she could have so much power over her thoughts and emotions anyway? Stupid frog. Stupid Minju and her stupid charming smile, her stupid kissable lips, the stupid way she held Yuri's hand as they walked, the stupid way she cuddled closer to Yuri during sleepovers because she wasn't fond of the dark.

‘Stupid. It's all stupid’, Yuri thinks.

After going through a few more mental battles of anger and sadness, she finally found the sleep she had been chasing. So with one loud yawn and a flutter of her eyes closed, Yuri fell into dream land with only one thought remaining in her mind.

‘God, I'm so fucking in love.’

The next day went by, and both girls were left in radio silence. Minju felt the younger needed space, and Yuri didn't know what she was doing at all.

She spent her time mindlessly scrolling through Instagram on her bed, trying to keep her thoughts away from Minju. However, it truly was just her luck when the girl in question popped up on her feed. It was a picture posted by Hwang Hyunjin, and it was a selfie with Minju. She was pressed into his side, a wide smile on her face as he held her close to him. Yuri let her eyes drift down to the caption, her breath hitching as she saw the simple heart emoji on her screen. Her heart dwindled even further when she saw Minju's response; a matching heart emoji.

It was nothing out of the ordinary for the two, no sudden confession of love, but to Yuri, it just shattered her already torn heart once again.

A tear rolled down Yuri's cheek.

A bitter laugh fell from her lips as she pictured herself. 'Jo Yuri, crying over a fucking emoji?' What had become of her?.

She told herself that over and over again, but she knew it was more. It wasn't just an emoji, it was the fact that Hyunjin had a chance with Minju that Yuri could never even dream of having.

Hyunjin was just Minju's type. Tall, athletic, handsome - everything Yuri just about wasn't. She scoffed, cursing the boy in her head, wishing she hadn't seen it. Wishing these overbearing feelings would go away. Wishing Minju was by her side, holding her close and keeping her safe.

But wishing does nothing but remind people of what they don't have.

The weekend dragged by for both girls.

Minju spent most of it with Hyunjin, cuddling up and watching movies for hours on end. However, as happy as she thought she should be, it just didn’t feel that way for her. Hyunjin was lovely, he truly was, and he cared for her, he really did. But for Minju, it just didn’t feel right.

He just wasn’t Yuri.

He didn’t make her feel warm inside like Yuri did. He didn’t make her laugh by making fun of all the characters in the movies they watched like Yuri did. But Minju said nothing. Falling for anyone is scary, but falling deep for your best friend is even scarier. She never felt like Yuri would ever love her back so she did her best to move on and find comfort in others.

Hyunjin wasn’t Yuri. But if she couldn’t be with Yuri, then he was enough.

Just as it had for Minju, time also ticked despairingly slowly for Yuri who had spent the weekend without Minju for the first time in years.

By the time Monday rolled around, Yuri could barely drag herself out of bed for school. She haphazardly threw on her uniform while mentally preparing a plan for the day that would allow her to avoid Minju. She decided that if she can't be with her, she would have to distance herself. The pain of loving someone so close to you was more suffocating than anything Yuri had ever experienced before, she just couldn't take it.

However, Yuri's plan immediately went awry when she opened her front door and saw her best friend there waiting for her. Minju gave her a small smile, the gesture fading as Yuri didn't reciprocate it.

"Yul-"

"Come on, Min, we'll be late." Yuri said abruptly, speeding last the older girl. Yuri didn't want her to speak, hearing the soft tone in her voice only made her heart clench more for the brunette.

It took only a minute for Minju to catch up, the older girl stopping Yuri by grabbing her by the wrist.

"Yuri, we won't be late. Now will you cut the bullshit and just talk to me?" Minju said, her brows furrowing. Yuri looked away again, trying to find an escape from the situation. Minju grabbed the younger's cheeks, forcing her to look her in the eyes.

For a moment, Yuri's world stops. She almost forgets her predicament when Minju looks at her, her eyes holding a mixture of worry and sadness as she looks down at the younger of the two. In an ideal world, Yuri would have already kissed the pout off her face, pulling her back inside her home to skip school and spend the day wrapped in one another's arms.

But this isn't an ideal world.

"Yul, whatever's going on with you, we need to talk it out. You're my best friend! Who's gonna be there with me every step of the way if it isn't you?" She asked earnestly.

For some reason, the sadness in the pit of Yuri's stomach began to turn to anger at Minju’s words. She just couldn’t help it.

"I don't know. Hyunjin, maybe?" She asked, a coldness to her voice. Minju's hands dropped back down to her sides. Yuri already missed her warmth.

"What does Hyunjin have to do with anything Yuri? Why are you always like this when it comes to him..." Minju muttered, more to herself than anyone else.

"He has everything to do with this Minju. I'm like this because... because I don't like him. One fucking bit." Yuri continued, the anger bubbling up now. She knew she had no reason to get so pissed at Minju, or even Hyunjin, but sometimes, with love comes jealousy. Once that green monster rises up within her, Yuri finds it almost impossible to suppress it.

"Yul, he's really nice! He brought me on a lovely date this weekend, I'm sure you'd get along with him just fine! He-"

"Minju, don't you get it? Don't you get it at all?" Yuri's fists clenched with how hard she was trying to keep her tears in right now. Minju shook her head, fear gracing her features as she watched her best friend, the small girl now overcome with anger.

"I- I won't like your stupid boyfriend and I won't ever like him because-"

A hiccuped breath interrupted Yuri's words as a cause of the hot tears that were now streaming down her face, her balled fists not bothering to wipe them away.

"Because?" Minju pressed, needing answers.

But Yuri stayed silent.

"Yuri, jesus fucking christ will you just talk? Whatever you have to say can't be that bad-"

"Because I'm in love with you."

Minju froze.

‘She was what?’

"I'm in love with you Minju. I know you don't feel the same but I have to tell you because this weight, the fucking weight of being around you, being scared to touch you for fear I might fall even further, being scared to say too much in case I scare you away... it's too much for me Minju."

Yuri inhaled. She said it.

Minju was silent.

Yuri took it as a sign.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let this come between us. I hope he treats you right." Yuri said finally, her tears falling even harder than before. She took one last look up at her best friend's face and wished desperately that she hadn't, because the look of shock there seemed to tell her everything she needed to know.

So she turned back to her house, trudging slowly as the consequences of her actions began to dawn on her.

With every step, she hoped, prayed, wished, for Minju to call her back, to hold her tight, to tell her everything would be okay. But she didn't.

So Yuri continued walking away.

Alone.

Two weeks had passed.

Yuri was lucky, with midterm rolling around she didn't have to make excuses to stay away from Minju or from school, locking herself up inside her bedroom for the two weeks.

As the days ticked by, Yuri tried to convince herself that this was right, and this was how life was going to be now. She didn't need Minju, she didn't need the pain or the heartbreak in her life.

‘But lying to yourself doesn't always work does it?’

It doesn't, Yuri thinks, as she spends another night staring at her phone. She waits and waits, willing for it to ring. She wants to hear her voice and her laugh, and talk to her about her worries. Minju had always been her safe place to go after something had gone wrong in life.

Where does Yuri go when Minju is the problem that went wrong?

(The phone never rings. Yuri doesn't get to hear her voice.)

There were two days of midterm left, and Yuri was dreading going back to school. She'd be obviously alone there, with no comfort of being able to pretend life doesn't exist inside the safe confines of her bedroom walls.

Yuri felt herself about to drift off into another countless nap, until her serenity was broken by a knock at her door. Her mom was there, a look of pity on her features.

"There's someone here for you."

Yuri nodded, heading down to the door. She stepped outside, looking down at her feet until she heard the sound of the other person clearing her throat.

"Yul,"

Followed by a sigh.

"Can you look at me, please?"

Yuri looked up, meeting eyes with the one girl she wanted to run a mile away from right now. Yuri couldn’t help but notice that she looked tired, and more worn out than she'd ever seen her before.

"We need to talk, huh?"

Yuri nodded, following Minju as she moved to sit on the steps of Yuri's porch. They sat in silence for a little while, until finally, Yuri spoke.

"Hi."

It was quiet, said in a voice small enough that would've been missed if Minju wasn't listening to the younger so intently.

"Hi, Yuri." She said with a soft chuckle, taking in the appearance of the younger girl. She had her hair in a messy bun, dressed in sweatpants and a baggy hoodie. Yuri looked straight ahead, feeling nervous as Minju surveyed her.

"You never let me speak, you know." Minju started, puzzling the younger girl.

"Huh?" She asked, turning to meet Minju who had a small smile on her features.

"Well, I know my Yul is dramatic but I didn't think it was this bad." She continued, chucking a small bit. Yuri wasn't impressed.

"Minju, if you've come here just to make fun of me, then you can go right back home." She said sternly, her brows only knitting further as Minju's chuckle turned into a laugh.

"Seriously, Yuri. You might be the stupidest person I've ever met. What kind of person confesses their love to someone then runs away from them before they can even reply?" She says, letting out a disbelieving laugh before scooting closer to Yuri.

"I... I don't know. You just looked shocked and I didn't want to be rejected by you so I just.. left."

"Yuri, what did I tell you about assuming things before they happen?" Minju said, her voice still teasing.

"What do you mean?" Yuri questioned, her eyes locking with Minju’s. She searched the other girl’s dark orbs for answers, but they revealed nothing, her features untelling of what the older girl was about to say next.

"I love you too, Yuri. You fucking idiot." Minju confessed, the end of her sentence turning to a whisper as she got lost in Yuri’s eyes. Just as the younger girl was about to speak up, Minju silenced her.

Closing the small gap between her face and Yuri’s, Minju couldn’t help but smile into the kiss as she heard her friend’s gasp of surprise before she began to kiss her back.

Minju’s stomach filled with butterflies. This was it, the feeling she was looking for. She never felt like this when she kissed Hyunjin, or anyone else. It was always Yuri.

It’ll always be Yuri, she thinks as she pulls away, admiring her best friend’s blushing features. They both stared at one another, neither wanting to be the one to break the serene silence that had enveloped them. It was Yuri who eventually spoke up, her eyes turning to crescents that made Minju’s heart race as she smiled.

"If being called a fucking idiot means I get to kiss you like that again, then don't ever call me anything else." Yuri said, half joking, half deadly serious. Minju couldn't help but start laughing at Yuri's dorkiness, the younger soon joining her. While they had spent so much time together over the years, not a single moment had ever made them feel as complete as they did now.

The two sat on Yuri’s front porch for the next few hours, watching the sunset as their hands were intertwined, Yuri's head resting softly on Minju's shoulder.

"I can't believe you were going to date Hwang Hyunjin instead of me." Yuri said, poking fun at Minju.

"Hey! How the hell was I ever supposed to know you liked me back? You have the emotional capacity of a pebble, there's no way I could've guessed!" Minju said, making the two of them break down into laughter.

"A pebble? That's so rude!"

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sure pebbles express their emotions much better than you do." Minju replied, a teasing lilt to her voice.

You're so annoying. You frog." Yuri said, her actions betraying her words as she nestled closer into Minju's side.

"A frog, maybe. But your frog at least." The older girl replied, pressing a small kiss to the crown of her head, smiling.

"Mm. My frog. My stupid, annoying, beautiful, frog." Yuri said finally, pressing a soft kiss to Minju's neck before closing her eyes and letting herself fall asleep against Minju, the fading sun still keeping her warm as the evening passed by.

Minju took a deep breath as she appreciated her surroundings. She had the girl of her dreams cuddled into her, a beautiful sunset in front of her, and a powerful feeling of warmth and love in her chest that she had never felt before. Her thoughts returned to the girl tucked into her side as she too began to close her eyes, letting her mind wander as she allowed herself to drift off into a peaceful sleep.

‘Jo Yuri.

Stupid Jo Yuri.

My Jo Yuri.’

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mittensmorgul · 3 years ago

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You posted something about Crowley and it made me think: was having Dean really what he wanted? I think he was definitely attracted to both Dean and Cas and probably seduced Cas just to get Dean’s attention. Was Dean Crowley’s Lisa in the sense that he liked the idea of Dean and moped after their summer of love ended, but would the real Dean not Demon Dean have satisfied him in the long run? Especially since we saw Demon Dean became a frustration. Was Crowley really looking for love?

Hi there!

I've posted a lot of things about Crowley, and I think the most recent thing I reblogged may have been a fanfic with the premise that Crowley helped Cas get back out of the Empty, with an endgame relationship tag of Crowley/AU!Dean (fiat mcgee, aka the altchester huntercorp dean), so I don't know if that's the post you're referring to or not.

But I kind of like that comparison, of Dean being Crowley's Lisa, because Lisa was what Dean needed during that year. She legitimately cared about him, but also recognized that their relationship was not meant to be. They could've been friendly exes if Dean hadn't been driven to protect her by literally extracting himself from her life in every way imaginable.

And I don't mean comparing only Dean's time as a demon to his time at Lisa's...

I do think Crowley had multiple motives for his relationship with Dean. Remember the whole MoC arc started when Crowley was at a dangerously low point and desperately feeling his lost humanity, trying to recapture it however he could. And Dean happened to be conveniently adjacent.

We know Crowley's M.O. He seeks power, but in a practical way. He seeks his own security, and never wants to find himself at the whim of someone more powerful than him. I mean, this is why he chose to help TFW from the start way back in s5. He gave them what at the time was the most powerful supernatural weapon they knew of to stop Lucifer. It didn't work, but he proved he could be a valuable ally when it suited his needs.

Crowley has always, therefore, been drawn to Powerful Things That Could Be Useful To Him. He's alluded to his "warehouses" multiple times in canon, and we know he was the one who bartered for his own security with Ramiel by giving him the Colt (in addition to the lance of Michael that was the gift presented to him by all of Hell in an official capacity, the Colt was Crowley's personal gift). That's how he ended up in charge of Hell in the first place. He didn't want the job, per se, but he didn't want some other demon getting it and destroying the stability and security he'd built for himself, either.

And Dean? If Dean was fully on Team Crowley? Well, that would've been the sort of power play that could've made his power base into an unshakable throne. The fact Crowley seemed to develop legitimate feelings for Dean, even as a demon who was powerful enough in his own right that he could refuse to submit to Crowley's rule. I think it broke Crowley's heart a little bit that as a demon Dean didn't really seem to care about ~anything~ really... that the thing that had made Dean so personally captivating to Crowley (as opposed to his prowess as a potential warrior/defender of his throne) was effectively gone.

I don't know that it was a "my one true love has forsaken me" so much as-- as you said re: Dean and Lisa, too-- lamenting the loss of what could have been while acknowledging what it actually was. Maybe not a grand romance of the ages, but genuine care at a moment when Crowley had been at his own "most human" in the narrative.

I mean, I can see that without Dean's influence in his life at that relatively vulnerable moment, Crowley could very well have slipped all the way back into being the demon he'd always been. To an extent, the narrative kept trying to force him into that role, too. He was still trying to hold on to his power base, not because he particularly wanted it, but because anything else would've likely led to his own death. It seems like there's only one way to lose the throne of Hell, you know? And I hate that for him.

Do I think he was actually ~in love with Dean~? I think he had genuine feelings for Dean, yes. I believe he genuinely mourned the fact that Dean didn't and couldn't reciprocate those feelings. While he was a demon Dean didn't really ~have~ those sorts of feelings. Everything was just about having a good time and satisfying needs and desires. And then his humanity was restored (because of Crowley's direct intervention to make that happen) and he sort of knew that Dean would be lost to him after that, and did it anyway. I think there was at least some element of genuine care for Dean mixed in there with his purely practical acknowledgement that Demon!Dean was not the asset to his own power base that Crowley had hoped he might become in time.

So while I think he was at least partly motivated by his own personal security in gaining Dean as an ally and even friend, I do believe he genuinely had warm feelings in a very human way for Dean, too. Was it love? Was Crowley "looking" for love specifically? I don't think he would've been averse to that if Dean had reciprocated his feelings, but I don't think he was specifically looking for it. I don't think it was a primary motive for everything he did with and for Dean.

I mean, after that, Crowley's whole arc with Rowena, about his abandonment by her having become a central point to his character arc, and both his and her respective thoughts and feelings about Love as a concept really add nuance over the next few seasons. It goes back to 8.23 and Crowley's "I deserve to be loved!" So it's impossible not to credit his relationship with Dean as an exploration of that concept, as well.

So much of Supernatural is centered around themes of love-- what we do for love, what is worth sacrificing to save what you love, and every variation of love under the sun. When a character's arc is framed around his having been denied love and what he was willing to do to seek revenge for that, it's impossible to say he wasn't seeking to be loved, you know?

I just think his entire relationship with Dean came about at a time he was exceptionally vulnerable, and that he actually grew as a character as a result of his relationship with Dean. And we'll see that growth between both him and Dean right through to the end of s12, when it was all tragically cut short.

(though I do love and support Mark Sheppard for deciding he was done playing a character stuck in narrative limbo and playing second fiddle to Lucifer because of Eugenie's weird obsession... so yeah, I'm righteously irked on his behalf and on behalf of all the rest of us who should never have had to deal with Lucifer instead of Crowley at all... his entire character was just squandered and it's a crime, okay?)

If Crowley had lived, or returned, I feel like he would've been starting again from a much healthier standpoint in his relationship with Dean, too. I appreciate the tag for them "mostly civil exes" because that's really what their relationship became by s12. Not even getting into the point that I personally was hoping that Lucifer was just dead after Amara ripped him out of Cas in s11, and it felt so far beneath Crowley to attempt to use Luci for his own ends in s12 that I found that entire arc to be contrived and ridiculous, too, after the fact when the reasons for it came to light. It's just... not the point of this post. :'D

#crowley #worst ship on the show #that's my tag for them since the start in s9 really and it's meant lovingly like...#we were all waiting for dean to have a canon relationship with a male-presenting character #just not THIS one even though I appreciate it... so that's not meant meanly you know?#in the good alternate version of s12 lucifer would've been dead and crowley would've had to deal with his emotions

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