#then 5 minutes later i am like wow this is bad i am terrible

[ra-vio]

the semester ended a few weeks ago. its getting hot

[individualist-infp]

INFP as a teacher:

Fi: *Is too gentle and soft hearted during class, allows many wrong behaviors to pass*.

Te: You really should stop Fi, you need to get a backbone.

Fi: But I can't scold them because it will hurt their feelings. When the other teachers scold them I feel as bad as them, even worse. I can't be mean or controlling. I'll continue to treat them with respect and consideration in the hopes that they'll treat me the same way in return.

Te: *Rolls eyes*.

Later:

Fi: The classroom is a mess, nobody is listening to me.

Fi: *Cries internally*. What do I do? Why am I so weak and nice?

Fi: Helps me Te, only you can put them in their place!

Te: *Craks nuckles* Fine, let me. *Proceeds to threaten them like a boss and everyone stays quiet, the kids proceed to complete their work in silence*.

Fi: Wow, thanks.

Te: You're welcome. But I'll warn you, that threat will only work for about 30 minutes. Good Luck. Bye!

Days later the classroom is a mess again.

Te: *Explodes*. I´M DONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Screams at them like a scary dragon and everyone stares in horror completely shocked. Everyone trembles in fear*.

5 minutes later.

Fi: What have I done? I'm a monster. *Cries and feels terrible forever*.

[yangtaros]

why can’t we just get over ourselves? part 7

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6

haechan x female reader angst

warning: cheating

A month later.

You were at a close to empty café getting some work done on your laptop. You saw a familiar face walk in and stand in line.

It was jungwoo. You looked back at your laptop hoping he wouldn’t see you. You guys haven’t spoken since the breakup. You couldn’t believe what you had done but you chose to never ever do that again and continue with your life. You were selfish and gave into temptation when you should’ve broken up with him first, and for that there were consequences.

Jungwoo turned around to grab a napkin and saw you. You noticed him and looked at him. He stared for a moment and then slowly walked towards you.

“Can i sit here?”

You nodded.

“How have you been?”

You couldn’t believe he asked you that, he was so caring even though you cheated on him.

“I’ve slowly gotten better, how are you?”

“I can say the same”

You take a deep breath, “Jungwoo, I don’t think I can explain to you how sorry I am. I don’t want pity, I don’t want you to feel the urge to take me back, I just want to tell you genuinely that I am sorry. I was selfish. I was a terrible girlfriend.”

You hear a tint of sadness in his voice when he says, “Don’t worry”.

You raise an eyebrow.

“I forgive you”

You stared at him for a moment. Wow.

“The girl you end up with jungwoo, she will realize how amazing it is to have someone like you in her life.”

He nods, “thank you.”

He almost gets up to say goodbye but he says, “haechan is not doing well”

You frown.

“Whatever the two of you have going on, you should figure it out.”

He gets up to leave but gestures for you to stand up. He gives you a hug. A tear runs down your eye. “I’ll always love you Jungwoo” you say, “ I love you too”

He leaves your arms and waves, “see you”

Just like that you watch your ex boyfriend leave the cafe, and the chapter of your life close.

***********************************

When you get home you decide to text haechan.

y/n: hey haechan, how are you doing?

3 minutes go by before you get a response

haechan💜: y/n, hi, how are you. i’m good.

y/n: that’s good i was wondering if like anytime your free maybe we can like meet up and talk.

haechan💜:i’m free tonight if that’s good

y/n: okay why don’t you come over my house

haechan💜: okay see you then

you suddenly got very nervous.

***********************************

“Hello”

He stood at your doorstep with a bag in his hand, “i brought your favorite donuts”

“Thank you! That’s so nice of you!”

He walked into your house and sat them on your table.

“You can just sit on the couch I actually bought your favorite wine earlier today” you said chuckling nervously as you walked to the kitchen to retrieve it.

As you sat down on the couch he glanced at you and chuckled, “we think alike”

“Yeah we do”

“Is it okay if i hug you?”

“Yeah it’s okay”

He goes in to hug you and you feel like you just drank hot tea the way your insides felt like they were warm.

“I’ve missed you” you said still hugging him.

“Trust me i’ve missed you way more” he says.

You pull back and look at him. “i don’t think so”

Haechan shakes his head “i wanted to contact you but i felt like it was all my fault and that it would be better if you reached out when you’re ready”

“It’s not your fault i was in the relationship.”

“Yeah but we know i was making sure you noticed me whenever”

“Well i spoke with jungwoo recently”

He looked at you with a nervous face.

“We officially ended on good terms”

He nodded.

“And he told me you weren’t doing well. And to check on you. I wasn’t going to honestly. I thought you’d move on. And you don’t want this drama in your group. I would feel bad.”

“Jungwoo told you that?”

“Yes.”

“That dude is too nice”

You nodded and smiled a bit, “I don’t think i deserved him”

“You are loved. remember that”

You look at haechan. You couldn’t take it anymore. “I still love you”

Haechan looked at you and noticed your eyes were watering. “Don’t cry”

He wiped your tears and brought your face close. his lips stared at yours. He softly pecked your lips. you pecked his back. He kissed back for longer. He then pulls away to hold on to your waist instead. “I’ve missed this” he says kissing your neck. “And i still love you”. He kisses your neck again before going back to your lips.

Your head is fuzzy at the moment, only really focusing on haechans lips landing on you. Eventually you pull away when you realize the weight of the situation. As you pull away haechan goes back to your neck. “Haechan what do we do”

He continues kissing your neck before moving up to your chin, “ I don’t wanna think about it”

“Do we just date secretly? And for how long”

“However long it takes” He uses the hands on your waist to gently push you down to lay on your back. He stares at you, “ beautiful”

You smile and pull his face forward for another kiss

“We love each other right?” He whispers against your lips

You nod.

“So however long it takes”

You two fall asleep together like that. Probably dreaming and probably about each other.

***********************************

it’s outtttt i hope you enjoyed this story! just wanna say i do not condone cheating/adultery AT ALL

tag list @nominsgirl @butterfly6600 @flower-lise @mippidimop

💜

[asoulofatlantis]

Rinoa has been in a coma and NOW the dog suddenly show up? In Esther? They were really inconsistent with this dog. It feels like AFTER DAYS suddenly the game-dev remembered that Rinoa has a dog. No idea where the dog was when we left Timber, or when we almost got blown up in the missle-base-thingy or when we were attacked by Galbadia Garden... BUT in Esther, which is immensly hard to find and without the game giving us any indication that the dog was with us, it suddenly shows up. That is stupid!

Uh-Oh... Zell aside... I usually do not really use any of these characters. I totally forgot that we will enter the Lunatic Pandora for the first time without Squall. Shoot.

Now I am stuck fighting a Malboror with a Team that is not prepared at all. I have no control over my characters and I didn't even save the game beforehand ^^'

Wow. Somehow we survived this... well all but Zell, ironically as he is my strongest character at the moment.

I always had trouble finding the right spots and usually barely and only by a lot of luck make it to the last point of entrance, if at all ^^' YES, even after playing this game many many times I still don't know my way around Esther. I know... shame on me and my cow but I am very bad with orientation, even inside games XD

Oh and just so you know... no walkthrough EVER gives you easy directions, which leads to me running around in circles though ESTHER hoping I will accidentally end up in one of those damned spots at the right time even IF I use a walkthrough hat is supposed to help me.

OH! I randomly ran into the first contact-point XD

All that stress for getting kicked out like 2 minutes later? Great!

In case you are wondering why Präsident Laguna was not in Esther... its because he was currently in space. Checking on Adel personally, like a good (or stupid) präsident would XD

This part is so annoying as you can not do anything but follow her and wait for things to happen.

I can not even tell you have frustrating it was back in the day when you've realized you literally floated past Laguna XD Even when you didn't get the message yet that Squall is Lagunas son (and I wouldn't blame you, they really hid it between the damn lines...) you still have been itching to meet the real, actual non-dream Laguna at this point. And there he is and you just... couldn't do anything about it ^^'

You are a damn lucky Bastard Laguna, that we know who Ellone even is.

I hate to be the bitch that so honestly says it, but... he would have been better off without her. I get all the romantic ideas that come from the bullshit he pulled to save her. And guys, I did fall in love with Luna and Noctis lovestory in FF15, because the romantic in me could see it and feel it. But this ship... Rinoa and Squall... Absolut bullshit!

Its a freaking color puzzle and before we've solved it (with Rinoa terribly under-leveled to top it off) we won't go anywhere with this spaceship that conveniently has shown up out of the blue ^^'

Playing eyes on me at that scene while the text is rushing to fit the pacing of the song is such a waste of a wonderful song. Not that the song fits the story of those two anyway. Julia has specifically written it to fit her and Lagunas story and while these are Julias child and also Lagunas child neither their story nor their characters fit the song at all. Its so stupid.

All that forced, rushed absolutely not making sense romance aside. It was never truly clear how one becomes a sorceress. Are you born with the power... are you born with the possibility of receiving that power? Edea said she became a sorceress when she was 5, but how did the Sorceress that gave her those powers decide that she would be a good option? Its obviously can't be just any random woman nearby.

Also... what about Rinoa? Has she been a sorceress before? Ultimacia or whatever her name is, took control over her body... but that is only possible if she already is a sorceress at that point. Or at least must have had whatever else is needed to become a sorceress one day. This was something that never made sense to me an d just like a lot of other things in this game, has never been explained properly.

She always said she has given up on Squall because of Rinoa and then later she realized she felt more like a big sister towards him... but if that were completely true, would she ask such a question? I think it would have been nice for Quistis to find actual love in this game, to give her some sort of closure. After all, the one this game started with aside from Seifer and Squall was her. But... no use complaining about spoiled milk.

How convenient. Or rather inconvenient for us. Because if ANYONE would have noticed that sooner, we could have spared us all A LOT of trouble.

The control of this game are so damn wonky already (remember, this game is freaking old!) but when you have to control a vehycle of any sort, its even more than a mess...

HOWEVER we are now free to use the Raknarok, which is so damn much faster and more convenient then then Garden. Tho it begs to question if we have any legal right to fly this thing, as it belongs to Esther ^^'

Okay, okay. That scene was nicely done. In all honesty if they made it look like Squall and Rinoa are a nice couple that is madly in love and belongs together BEFORE Rinoa was in a coma, if they spend some time on making sure Squall actually spends some quality time with her. If they just made this ship more believable and more realistic then the whole rushed mess that CD3 was, would have been amazingly cute and romantic. But they didn't do much for this ship until the very start of CD3 and this this just doesn't feel right and good at all.

Laguna might suck as a father AND a husband but its not like he never did anything for his son. Ward didn't just came her by accident and he certainly didn't help them just because he felt like it.

Anyway... I feel like taking a break now. This part of the game takes a lot longer than I remembered.

[tehuti88-art]

10/28/22: r/SketchDaily theme, "Inktober: Uh-Oh." Two (three) arts today.

Secondly: This week's character from my anthro WWII storyline is Inspector Louis Dobermann, without cap (top drawing) and with cap (bottom drawing). (The "Inspector" title is just honorary, BTW.) He's from old nobility and has some interesting secrets. There'll be more about him later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se.

Regarding his design, he's a fawn-&-tan doberman pinscher; I always imagined him black (he's a very old character dating back to my childhood), but changed this at the last minute. The hat...well, that's complicated.

TUMBLR EDIT: Oh boy. Oh wow. INSPECTOR DOBERMANN! I've finally gotten around to him. Oh CRAP this one is going to be long. I'm sorry. ;_;

I've gone over this before, I know I have, but I'm not sure where. Can't find it in this blog. I did create a thread on Twitter. Here's part of it.

1. DOBEY IS HERE.

I missed a meal for this. Weird rambly piecemeal thread incoming.

2. Okay, first, if you're completely new to my Twitter & you come across this and are like "WTF, dog in a hat," this is my character Inspector Louis Dobermann, & this folder on Toyhou.se might give a bit of context. Or maybe not. Dunno.

3. The very very long story short is when I was a kid (I'm in my 40s now), I came up w/ a really stupid story idea featuring anthropomorphic rats & dogs, set in WWII Germany. No, that's not symbolic of anything, they were just rats & dogs.

C'mon, I was like ten or something.

4. I never developed this story much, & moved on to my other storylines most of my life. I briefly resurrected this story, "The Trench Rats," around 2000 but lost interest again, until around Nov. 2021.

The story suddenly decided to come back to life on its own.

5. Scads of new characters, development of old characters, & most importantly, PLOT started spewing out of my unconscious. It's still ongoing, a year later. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS IS. This has NEVER happened to me, I was sure this story was dead! But here we are.

6. Insp. Louis Dobermann is one of the original characters from the very oldest, very stupidest version of the story. OMG it was so bad I won't get into it here lest I be offensive. I probably am anyway. Let me just clarify this story is NOT meant as a comedy...

7. ...though yeah, it started out pretty goofy. I was around ten!

The current version has funny moments but is more a character drama than anything. Just w/ dogs & rats instead of humans. And set in WWII.

Dobey here has always been a main character.

8. I went around 30 years, however, w/out really knowing him.

His earliest iteration was a bumbling Nazi character, bcuz when I was around ten, Nazis were bumbling characters. I didn't know all of the dark side of WWII until later.

Dobey got darker too as time went on.

9. In my teens the story went thru a melodramatic phase. Dobey was no longer bumbling, he was a terribly ominous, possibly murderous character whose exact motivations were unknown.

He also had a daughter, Adelina. His wife, Inga, was deceased.

10. Eventually I lost interest & Dobey's background & motivations remained unknown to me...until late last year when the story resurrected on its own. New characters introduced themselves, & old ones told me their stories. Including Dobey. After 30 years!

11. Took you freaking long enough, Dobey!

There's more, though this suffices to set up how Dobey got started, and how he evolved from a goofy schoolyard caricature, to a mysterious baddie, to what he's become today.

Dobey has since told me a LOT about himself (go figure such a closed-off guy would spill his guts to me), and his story is still developing. Here we go. o_o

I'd suspected for a long time that Dobermann was some sort of disgraced nobleman, likely a baron. Well, he's indeed a sort of baron, most likely a "Freiherr." Disgraced, not so much--just somewhat down on his luck. I knew he lived on a vast country estate, a huge mansion surrounded by sprawling fields and scattered woodland, similar houses at a distance here and there. When I got online and renewed my interest in the series, I began to dig. I learned a little about the old Prussian Junker (that's YOON-ker, not JUNK-er) families, and the general description fit, down to the big open areas of land I'd pictured. The Junkers apparently used to employ people to farm and tend their land, though Dobermann had no farms in my imagination. I guessed his family must have lost much of their land and employees (if you could call them that, apparently such people were close to being slaves) and now the estate is reduced to basically a skeleton crew, most of whom are home staff who care for the house itself. There are horses and stables. I've since imagined that the Dobermann estate might have just enough land and manpower left to maintain a handful of farm animals (a pig appears in a humorous function, always chasing Sgt. Gerhardt, so perhaps there are some swine, sheep, geese?), most likely cows, to supplement the family's existing wealth by selling some dairy goods in a limited fashion. It's wartime, food is needed. (Although I always forget to include rationing in my story.) So, while I can't picture the Dobermanns with large tracts of cropland, it's plausible to me that they sell limited amounts of dairy goods, maybe wool and eggs, small things like that.

Louis von Dobermann himself is born a bit before the turn of the century. He's the younger of two sons and lives on the estate with the rest of his family, mother and father and father's brother. They're the last of the von Dobermanns; although they still wield quite a bit of political influence, the glory days of the big Junker families are past, and noble titles mean little. Although they've since forfeited much of their land, the von Dobermanns are comfortable and well off. They don't NEED to try to make a living doing anything else. Louis is a rather austere, spartan sort, however, and just resting on his laurels doesn't sit well with him, so he enlists in the army. Poorer Junkers frequently did this, apparently, so even though he's not exactly poor, such a thing isn't entirely out of line for his class. As his luck would have it, Germany goes to war shortly after, and Louis heads off to the front, leaving his family behind. I don't know many details of his service though I know he does relatively well for himself, is a good fighter, excellent (though aloof) at following orders and then at giving them, courageous, selfless, though you could never call him sociable and friendly. He serves well with others but doesn't really GET ALONG with anyone. Whenever they visit towns and taverns and whatnot, he keeps to himself, doesn't carouse, doesn't get drunk, doesn't go off with the local whores. He comes across as uptight and snooty but this is written off as him just being a typical Prussian. He earns some honors, rises through the ranks (not sure how far he gets, probably lieutenant or captain), does well. It's obvious he'll likely never be a career soldier, but nobody can complain about him. Oh, right--he also insists on being called Herr Dobermann, not Herr von Dobermann; that "von" is just a little bit TOO Prussian even for him, so he eventually drops it from his name.

One day late in the war, while separated from his unit, he finds another soldier seriously wounded and unconscious, hauls him up onto his back, and manages to get him across no man's land into the safety of a trench just as a shell explodes nearby, injuring him as well. For a while they stay there, Dobermann shielding the unconscious soldier with his own body as debris continues falling into the trench. It takes him a bit to realize he can't hear anything--the shell blast deafened him. When the rest of his unit finds him, he yells that he can't hear a word they're saying. They take him and the other soldier to safety, and they end up in a sort of military hospital, in the same ward but at opposite sides of the room. Dobermann's commanding officer visits him after his own injuries are tended to (he hates the "loss of control" feeling the morphine gives him and resolves to get off it as soon as possible); but he notices that nobody comes to visit the other soldier. He learns that not only was the rest of his unit killed--he's the last one left--but he apparently has no family, either; a nurse confides that his records reveal he was a ward of the state. He's all alone.

A letter arrives for Dobermann. It's one of the senior staff from his estate, with devastating news: The Spanish flu is sweeping the country, and many members of his household have fallen ill; the von Dobermanns themselves were hit especially hard. Despite the best efforts of the city hospital, all of them--parents, uncle, brother--succumbed to the illness. Just like that, Dobermann is the last of his name. Now he's all alone, as well.

Dobermann cries to himself for likely one of the very few times in his life. Then dries his eyes and asks for a pen and paper. He writes a letter back to his staff to let them know he's alive and as soon as his injuries heal enough he'll return. He also contacts the people in charge of the family's finances, and makes a sizable donation to the hospital and to the city government to aid in the efforts to deal with the pandemic. He then returns to resting and occasionally glancing at the other soldier, who hasn't regained consciousness yet. Mulls over what it must feel like to have always been alone, now that he's in a similar position.

A young woman, tall and graceful and with long shining black hair and kind brown eyes, arrives at his bedside and smiles and talks to him for a moment. Dobermann just stares at her. When she pauses for a response, he says rather loudly, "I can't hear you. The blast hurt my ears." She looks nonplussed, gestures for him to wait a moment, leaves. Returns with pencil and paper, writes something, shows it to him. INGA, it says. "Louis," he replies, and the two of them slowly get to know each other a little through Inga's written notes and Dobermann's terse replies. Eventually he asks her why she's talking to him; she explains that she often visits soldiers in the hospitals to offer a little companionship and encouragement. Dobermann points out the soldier at the other side of the room and says, "You may want to visit him, then, whenever he wakes. He has no visitors. I've been told he has no one." Inga agrees to go talk with him when he regains consciousness.

The next day when she visits, she brings Dobermann a book: a manual on sign language. She signs her name, and teaches him how to sign his. Dobermann is exceptionally attentive and has an excellent memory, so even while he finds this rather silly, he humors her, and repeats several of the signs she makes. She leaves the book with him and he studies it on his own as he has nothing better to do.

Later that night, he wakes to find a few nurses hurrying past, and looks to see that they're rushing to the bedside of the soldier he rescued--he's awake now, and writhing around in his bed, apparently yelling in pain. They manage to restrain him so the doctor can administer morphine, after which he gradually slips off again. A nurse tells Dobermann that he'd abruptly come to, screaming at the pain in his hip and begging to know what had happened to his leg--he seemed convinced he'd lost it, and no amount of reassurance from the doctor could convince him he was expected to fully recover. Now that the drama is past, Dobermann drifts back to sleep himself.

Inga continues visiting, dividing her time between the various patients, though Dobermann receives most of her attention. While he rests she goes to visit the other soldier, a young lieutenant, who's now awake, though heavily drugged; he seems confused when she introduces herself, but introduces himself as well, as Gunter Hesse. He confirms he's had no visitors as his unit was killed and his parents died not long after he was born. He, too, asks what she wants talking to him; like Dobermann he finds it odd that somebody should just visit and chat. He doesn't mind though, and she promises to continue visiting him. Not long after, when she visits Dobermann, he repeats her when she speaks aloud, and says that although it's still muffled, his hearing is returning. They set aside the notes and signing and just talk.

As the days pass it becomes clear, though no one directly says anything, that Dobermann and Inga are developing feelings for each other. When Dobermann is allowed out of his bed to get exercise, he and Inga walk around the hospital, and one day share a brief private encounter. Soon after, Dobermann presents her with a simple gold band: His mother had made him take it with him when he headed off to war, so he'd have a part of home with him. Now, he wants Inga to have it. It's terribly short notice, but Inga accepts, and the two are wed by a chaplain. When Inga next visits Hesse, he notices the ring on her hand; she tells him the news. He blinks in surprise, then offers her a smile and says congratulations; when she admits it was rather abrupt and she's not sure what she was thinking, he replies, "Sometimes you just know." As they chat she pretends she didn't notice the very subtle shift in his eyes before he smiled: He never says anything, but she can tell Hesse has fallen in love with her, too.

Dobermann is finally set to be released, though Hesse's injury is bad enough that he needs to remain for a while longer. Inga writes down the address Dobermann says they'll be going to and gives it to Hesse (he mentions it's located out in the country), and makes him promise to write if and whenever he feels the need to. He does so, to humor her, and they bid each other farewell. Dobermann has a nice big car with driver waiting, and having packed up some of her belongings, she gets in and they head off. She falls asleep as the drive is very long; Dobermann wakes her when they draw near to his home. She's puzzled when they stop at a gate to show ID and a guard welcomes Herr Dobermann before letting the car through--then she gapes. They're headed up a long drive to a HUGE mansion, miles of fields all around. Her confusion grows when they enter the house and are greeted by a large help staff who eagerly exclaim and crowd around Dobermann; when he introduces Inga as his wife, they seem just as stunned as she is (she realizes he hadn't informed them he'd be returning with someone), but then welcome her just as happily. An older man insists on his attention and Dobermann excuses himself to take care of some important matters while a female member of the staff takes charge of Inga. Inga wonders aloud what's going on, expressing her confusion about the vast household and large staff; Dobermann hadn't told her he was rich. The maid commiserates that he hadn't told them he'd be bringing home a wife, either, but it's a good thing, as now maybe the family name won't die out with him. "Family name?" Inga echoes, wondering why it matters so much; "Why ja, Frau Dobermann, the von Dobermanns," the maid says. "Von Dobermann?--his name is von Dobermann?" Inga says, getting even more bewildered.

Maid: "Ja, Frau Dobermann, Freiherr Louis von Dobermann."

Inga: "Freiherr?? He...he's a baron?"

Maid: "Ja, Frau Dobermann, they're Junkers...he didn't tell you?"

No, Dobermann definitely didn't tell her. When he finishes up with estate business and the two get to talk again Inga asks him why. "Would your answer have been different?" he asks; she thinks briefly before saying, "Nein, I really don't believe it would've been, but what's the point?--wouldn't I have been more likely to say ja?" to which Dobermann replies, "That's the point." He promises to be upfront with her from now on, and explains the situation a bit better: He's the last von Dobermann left, and while he didn't explicitly marry her with the intention of simply carrying on the family name, obviously that's a bonus that the help staff have latched onto. He confides that it doesn't matter to him whether they have children or not, he married her because he wanted her. Whatever happens next, happens.

Word spreads that Dobermann is home at last and visitors start coming. He might be only a minor Freiherr, but the von Dobermanns are apparently well known both in the countryside among their fellow Junkers and in the city, and the family has a reputation for philanthropy. Well, no wonder they're well liked. As the youngest of the family, Dobermann himself had been relatively unknown and nobody was sure how he'd act as head of the household (a position that was supposed to go to his brother); his actions while he was in hospital showed the direction he was taking, and representatives of the hospital and the city arrive to offer profuse thanks for the donations he'd made. They want to confer honors upon him to recognize the good he did. Dobermann is extremely ill at ease with this attention--he's not used to being in the limelight, and prefers to just do his thing without public recognition--but the authorities insist, and he rather unwillingly agrees to attend a small public ceremony. Here, he's presented with the honorary title of "Inspector," given a watchman's cap, and symbolically named the Watchman of the City; in addition he's informed of plans for a memorial at a future time. He finds all of this utterly stupid and insufferable but tolerates it, because diplomacy. This of course results in yet more visitors to the estate, and Dobermann resentfully dresses up for the part each time, even wearing "that stupid f**king hat." Inga finds his irritation amusing but helps out by accompanying him, and it turns out everyone loves her even more than her husband. Unlike him, she's charming, polite, and knows how to handle attention, which he definitely doesn't mind, so at the numerous gatherings they have to give and attend, she does most of the talking and socializing, while he continues working behind the scenes. It's an unexpected but beneficial arrangement.

After some time settling into this strange new life, Inga belatedly remembers Lt. Hesse, and wonders how he's doing, since he's never written. She visits the military hospital, but is informed that Hesse was discharged some time previously; following the armistice, the German army was greatly reduced, and both Dobermann and Hesse lost their military positions. She gets his address, and calls a car to go into the city to pay him a visit. The address is of a tiny apartment in a pretty low-rent building, and it finally occurs to Inga that Hesse isn't one of her or Dobermann's sort; he comes from a much poorer family, and while they left him enough savings to get by, that's pretty much all he's been doing, just getting by--he aged out of the orphanage that cared for him, no one ever adopted him, and now the military has left him on his own as well. Inga knocks at his door and calls his name but gets no response. It's unlocked, so she lets herself in--and finds Hesse slumped on his bed, unconscious from a morphine overdose. Alarmed, she barely manages to rouse him; he refuses to let her call a doctor--"Doctors are what got me here"--so she decides to call Dobermann instead, and bring Hesse back to their house. She has to leave the apartment and go to a nearby establishment to do so as Hesse has no phone (he barely has anything), and of course has to wake him again when she returns. She stays with him until Dobermann arrives, and they carry him downstairs and out to the waiting car; after expressing confusion over what Dobermann is doing there, Hesse completely passes out so Dobermann nearly drops him. They drive him back to the estate and get him settled in a room, and Inga waits for him to wake again.

Hesse comes to a while later, perplexed about where he is and why Inga is there; she explains things and he too had no idea Dobermann comes from money. He doesn't tell much about what's happened since they last talked; sensing his shame, she doesn't press. She insists on him staying with them at least until he's better. He expresses doubt about this plan, but doesn't argue much. Inga makes sure he's as comfortable as possible before leaving him alone.

(Privately, she wonders aloud to Dobermann what the appeal is, why someone like Hesse would so easily get hooked. Dobermann hesitates a moment before saying, "Imagine the time in your life when you felt safest and happiest, most protected and warm. Just purely loved, nothing else. Now make that tenfold. That still doesn't quite capture what it's like." Inga asks why, if he went through the same thing, it was so much easier for him and he didn't get hooked. "I don't like how it made me feel," he replies. "But then again, I've had a family, I've felt loved. I imagine if you've never had these things, it might be harder to let go.")

When Inga next visits Hesse, it's obvious he's starting to experience withdrawal; he sweats and shakes and chatters as if freezing, and can barely tolerate the pain in his hip. She pauses, leaves, returns with something, hesitantly holds it out to him. He sees the little case he keeps the needle and morphine in and pulls back. Inga says she won't stop him from using it if he has to, since he never actually agreed to quit; but he shakes his head and says he doesn't want it. "You did something for me," he says, "so now I'll do something for you." Inga tries to explain that he doesn't owe anything, but he insists on quitting cold turkey, and follows through. Inga continues to visit and tend to him through the next week of vomiting and chills and nausea and sweating and more vomiting. Lots of fun. He comes out the other side thin and weak and groggy, but alive. He (and Dobermann) had intended on him returning home afterward, but Inga coaxes him into staying a while longer ("until you feel a hundred percent") and he stays. He ends up becoming a sort of permanent guest, which makes both him and the asocial Dobermann somewhat ill at ease, though Dobermann never insists that he leave. Hesse isn't aware that both he and Inga know he loves her, but this fact isn't what bothers Dobermann--he isn't jealous, he knows Inga doesn't feel the same, and won't cheat on him. Rather, he can see Hesse's issues and character better than Inga can, and certain little details niggle at him. While he knows Hesse is trustworthy and wouldn't ever intentionally hurt any of them, he can also sense something dangerous beneath the surface, and suspects he could very well harm them without meaning to. Inga insists he's a good person, though, so he backs off, yet keeps his eyes open.

It isn't long before Inga becomes pregnant. She and Dobermann welcome a daughter, Adelina, to their home; while Dobermann and everyone else nickname her "Addy," Inga prefers to call her "Lina." She worries about how Hesse will react, but it's apparent almost from the start how much he loves the girl, even referring to her as "Lina" just as Inga does. When Inga awakens late one night, sure she'd heard the baby crying, she goes into her room but finds the crib empty; she quickly paces the halls in a near-panic, before coming upon Hesse seated in a chair by a window, asleep with Adelina (also sleeping) in his arms. He wakes and apologizes, explaining that as he was taking one of his customary late-night walks around the household (to exercise his hip), he heard the baby crying, and decided to take her with him; she fell asleep again as he walked and sang her lullabies. Although it doesn't quite sit well with Dobermann, Inga allows Hesse to look after and tend to Adelina whenever she and Dobermann are busy or don't immediately wake up. Hesse takes to this new role very well--he adores "little Lina," and looking after her gives him a new sense of purpose, as well as distracts him from his pain and loneliness. He doesn't view it as a chore at all. The result is that, although both Dobermann and Inga mean well and do their best, it's Hesse who plays the greatest role in raising Adelina, and Hesse is the one she grows closest to, eventually referring to him as "Uncle Gunter." Hesse even passes on the old tales he was told in the orphanage, of knights and maidens and honor and loyalty, and Adelina dreams of one day finding her own knight, the same as young Hesse had dreamed of finding a maiden.

Here's the aspect of Dobermann that bothered me most, and I keep considering modifying it, but it's his major flaw and I figure it's needed for his character. While he really does love Adelina...he's really not a good father. He isn't abusive, he's just not there. Despite him being the last of his name, and falling in love with Inga, the thought of actually raising kids seems not to have crossed his mind, and the result is he has no idea how to deal with her. His family was never particularly emotionally demonstrative (when his mother gave him her ring to take with him, he reacted with exasperation at how silly it was), so he never learned how to express love in a suitable way; it's just his luck that Inga understands him so well and isn't bothered by his coldness and general lack of affection. Addy isn't so fortunate; she views her father's distance as disapproval, and spends her life trying everything she can to earn his love. There's nothing for her to earn--Dobermann already loves her. But he doesn't know how to properly show it, and Inga is often busy dealing with her husband's personal and social dealings, so Addy ends up relying on Hesse for the love and attention she desires so much. And, likely because he knows exactly what it feels like, Hesse delivers. Addy is homeschooled by tutors, and they live in the middle of nowhere, and the nearest neighbors have no children, so she's close to no one aside from Hesse--he's literally her only companion, and he fills the roles of father, mother, uncle, mentor, friend, and playmate (and, when Addy gets older, potential husband) all in one. Dobermann and much of the help staff find it odd and unseemly that Addy spends so much of her time in the company of and playing with a man old enough to be her father, but Inga trusts him, and he really is good at it.

EDIT: Well cripes...only after I had finally finished this writeup, Dobey, Addy, and Hesse revealed additional details that I think provide some clarification for Dobey's parental attitude. A scene occurs where Addy describes a hazy memory to Gerhardt while Hesse is nearby, half listening.

Adelina: "When I was very little we all went to visit the city, Mama, Papa, and me...you know how when you're little, everything that looks normal now seems so big? The city was so huge and I was so small. I was all right while I was with Mama and Papa. But we got separated somehow...I ran all over that big big city calling for them...I couldn't find them anywhere...and everything looked so different, I couldn't find anything familiar...I just found the littlest spot I could find and I sat there and cried. I'd never been all alone before. It's the worst feeling in the world... Mama found me. Swept me up into her arms like an angel reaching down from heaven."

Hesse: (puzzled look)

Addy: "She held me so tight I thought she'd never let me go. I still feel that, her arms around me so tight, sometimes...then I open my eyes, and she's gone. I don't think I'll ever get used to it."

Hesse says nothing at the time, but later he addresses her privately.

Hesse: "Lina. That story you told before, about when you and your parents went to the city."

Addy: "You heard that?"

Hesse: "Is that truly how you remember it? What happened that day?"

Addy: "Ja, Uncle...why? Why would I make it up?"

Hesse: "It's just...that's not what I heard happened. I wasn't there but when you all returned, your mother told me."

Addy: "What do you mean?"

Hesse: "Your father found you. Not your mother. That's what I was told."

Addy is struck mute. She was POSITIVE Inga was the one who found her. But the more she racks her brain, the more the hazy childhood memory clears: It wasn't her mother calling for Lina and scooping her up and hugging her, it was Dobermann calling for Addy and picking her up and holding her. She can't understand why her brain rewrote the memory the way it did, but the reason is right there: With how cold and distant and uninvolved Dobermann is now, it's difficult to reconcile that with the panicked, concerned father from her childhood. Yet they're both the same Dobermann. What happened? Well...remember when Dobermann described the feeling of being on morphine to Inga, and how much he hated the feeling of the loss of control it gave him...? There are other situations that can give that feeling of a loss of control...including being a new father, taking care of your child. Sure, Dobermann was raised in a stuffy, emotionally closed-off atmosphere where showing too much feeling about anything was frowned upon, and this is pretty much his character...but he DOES still feel those emotions. I'm pretty sure this becomes clear eventually--he's not a sociopath--but it's even more complex than I'd thought. Marriage, and especially fatherhood, started to change him, to thaw the exterior and let out what was buried inside. He likely would have continued to mellow out and open up if circumstances had gone differently and if he'd been better emotionally prepared to deal with things. Nearly losing Addy in the city, however, was a turning point. There isn't quite a "loss of control" feeling the same as being a father who's lost his child (and in this case, he really does blame himself--Inga had left Addy with him for a few moments, and he got distracted)--like Addy says, it's one of the worst feelings in the world. And even though Dobermann does find her, and Inga doesn't blame him for the incident, he can't bear the way it made him feel, the loss of control, not just of the situation but of his feelings. It's like getting hit by a train, everything all at once--love, fear, rage, grief, relief, guilt--and just like the feeling of being drugged, it's too overwhelming, too much for him to handle on his own. Inga tries to convince him this is normal, this is what being a parent is like, and she's finding it out for herself, too--but she wasn't raised in the same stifled environment he was, she actually has mental resources she can draw on while he has no idea how to handle it. She's his partner, she promises to be there to help him through it; but he's been taught not to ask for help, to be self-reliant and figure out how to do things on his own. The only way he can think of to handle overwhelming emotion--both good and bad (because both extremes are equally discouraged)--is to avoid the stimulus in the first place. Which, in this case, means avoiding getting close to Addy. If he keeps her at a distance, he can't lose control, and to him this also means he's keeping her safe--because the last time he was too close to her he nearly lost her. He counts on Inga and, ironically, Hesse to directly care for her while he protects her from a distance. This likely helps explain why he tolerates Hesse's participation in raising his daughter even though he'd prefer if it were different; despite Hesse's efforts to be stoic, he's more in touch with his emotions than Dobermann is, and he's directly dealt quite a lot with loss of control (both in being a recovering morphine addict, and in being an orphan who had to depend on the state for his wellbeing), so even though he never had any family, he's better equipped to handle being a father. Although Dobermann dislikes Hesse, he relies on him to protect Addy in the way he himself is too insecure to.

Tl;dr, Dobermann has very strong emotions, and especially empathy...but his ability to deal with them effectively is severely impaired--he never learned how. And rather than learn how to cope with this, he chooses to avoid. This, rather than being cold and distant, is his character flaw--the fact that he decides it's better to keep his distance than to plow through the pain. To get a bit ahead of myself, he handles the Nazis and the Diamond Network in much the same way, trying his hardest to deal with them without directly dealing with them, because getting involved will mean a lot of unpleasant work he'd rather not deal with; it's only when Inga's actions force his hand that he finally acts. This also explains why later in the story, after Hesse has to dive into the water to pull Addy out when her own negligence causes her to nearly drown, Dobermann's only reaction is to snap angrily in Addy's face, "Foolish!" He's afraid and angry and loving and relieved all at once but all he knows how to safely show is the anger--because it keeps the distance between them. Of course, all Addy sees is the anger, so she has trouble believing he actually loves her. No way this person once swept her up in his arms like an angel reaching down from heaven, and held her like he'd never let her go. That must have been her mother. As time goes by and she and Dobermann grow further apart, her brain gradually rewrites the memory in a way that makes more sense, even though it isn't reality. It takes Hesse--who otherwise spends most of the series lying to and gaslighting Addy every chance he gets--to tell her the truth.

Anyway...

Slowly, the national atmosphere begins to change. A political party called the NSDAP (the Nazis) rises to power. There had already been ugly rumors about how and why Germany lost the war--"Idiots spewing nonsense," Dobermann had confided to Inga, "the generals knew we'd lost long before we actually did, they just didn't want us to know"--yet Hesse had taken a different path, believing the story that they'd been winning before being stabbed in the back by their enemies--and the enemy, according to the NSDAP in this case, is largely the Jews. He'd been quite bitter about this already when Inga had rescued him; his stay with the Dobermanns, caring for Addy, had tempered his anger considerably, but now it starts creeping back. And Dobermann's misgivings about his character start to make sense to Inga, although she tries hard to excuse his growing spite. He's her friend--he's kind, he's intelligent, he dotes on little Adelina--surely he can't fall for such hateful nonsense, surely this is a passing phase. Yet the more toxic the national fervor grows, the more toxic Hesse's attitude grows along with it. Although he doesn't attempt to indoctrinate Addy intentionally, this is what starts to happen anyway--she's so close to him that she picks up on all his little emotions and makes them her own. It isn't long before she starts parroting the same hateful ideals Hesse has developed; it's only Inga and Hesse himself (he actually is dismayed by this tendency) actively discouraging her from doing this that quiets her down, though the ideas are still there. She'd do anything for Uncle Gunter's approval, after all.

Not Hesse, not Addy, not even Dobermann himself have any idea WHY Hesse's attitude alarms Inga so much, why she's so desperate not to believe it. She never told Dobermann before or after they married, as it just didn't seem to matter at the time, she'd barely ever thought about it herself. Inga is Jewish, and the new laws being implemented endanger not just her, but Addy and Dobermann as well--Addy for being "Mischling," part Jew and not a full German citizen, Dobermann for breaking the race laws in marrying a Jew and fathering a mixed-race child. (A note on artistic license here, the category of Mischling has more nuance than I'm indicating here, plus at least initially these laws seemed to "grandfather" certain Jewish/non-Jewish marriages if they occurred before a certain date (sometime in 1935, I think?); Dobey and Inga married around 1919, give or take a year, so their marriage would've been valid, I believe. Not sure how well they stuck to this law, but it doesn't go exactly like that in my version of events. No grandfathering in mine. Plus all of this occurs slightly earlier than IRL.) She realizes she'll have to be extra careful now to never let anyone know, and this means she never knows for sure whether she'll even have the support of Hesse or Dobermann should the truth get out. I. e., her own husband could very well be her enemy now.

Hesse follows the news with growing interest and fervor. He's still angry about the army cutting him loose, so he doesn't want to rejoin, even if they'll have him. Multiple paramilitary groups have started springing up, though, and he thinks he might like to join one of them, but he's not in great shape; he's grown a little soft from his injury and living in ease at the Dobermann estate. He determines to get back in shape. He diets, exercises, and attempts to completely turn his mindset around--ironically, to be more like Dobermann's, rather severe and stoic. No more moping or slacking off. He gets in good enough shape (even overcoming his limp) to apply to and be accepted into the SS-Verfügungstruppe (soon after renamed the Waffen-SS) just in time to go back into combat as war breaks out. (Remember, the war is timed and plays out differently here.) (There's also another liberty taken regarding SS physical requirements. Hesse is farsighted (hyperopia), requiring glasses to see things up close. The SS would almost certainly have rejected him for this so early on; they relaxed their requirements further as time went on, though not at this point. For some reason an exception is made here though I'm unsure why, it's never mentioned, except later when Hesse transfers and his new boss Col. Heidenreich remarks that Hesse's glasses aren't ideal but the rest of his qualities make up for it. Perhaps his service in the Great War sways them a bit.) Adelina is devastated when he breaks the news that he'll be heading off to the Eastern Front (Germany and Russia become enemies far sooner in this timeline); Inga is both heartbroken, and strangely relieved--the former because she'll miss him AND he's definitely sided with the Nazis, the latter because at least it might break his hold on Adelina. Dobermann is just glad to be rid of him finally.

While Hesse is away, he does keep in touch with both Inga and Addy, writing letters. Addy keeps watch for him to return at first, before realizing he's going to be gone for quite a while; she grows depressed, and Inga tries hard to be there for her, to fill the void. Meanwhile, Dobermann is dealing with a new problem: The Nazi Party has started courting him. A lot of the big Junker country houses have numerous hidden passages and rooms and it occurs to the Nazis in the newly formed Wehrmacht that these could be quite strategically advantageous for them in combating the issue of partisans and resistance members, which have also been on the rise. Dobermann is well known to them for his generous donations to the city as well as his previous service, and they assume he has a strong nationalist streak because of this; Nazi officials start paying him visits, wheedling and cajoling for access to his property. Surely a patriot and fellow traveler like Herr Dobermann would be willing to help the cause? Dobermann is dumbfounded by the attention and unsure how to respond--mainly because the Nazis have completely misjudged him. He's NOT a nationalist (as his earlier criticism of the German army made clear), he despises the Nazi leadership, and he's especially unsettled by the stories he's been hearing about them attacking Jewish-owned properties and starting to confine various people in camps. He served with Jews in the Great War, they defended Germany just as much as he did, so this shift in public attitude makes no sense to him. He even privately, to Inga, refers to the Nazis as "preening clowns"; but for the most part, he's very careful with how he speaks. An old acquaintance of his who also served in the previous war, who's now a commanding officer in the Wehrmacht yet not a member of the Nazi Party, warns him that the Nazis are keeping very careful track of who's on their side or not, and this includes speech against the Third Reich. Dobermann better watch what he says and does, lest he trigger suspicion that he's not faithful enough to the Nazi cause; considering that even Jewish Germans who served faithfully in the Great War are now being put out of business, confined to ghettos, and transported to camps for "reeducation," his own position as a Junker definitely won't be enough to protect him this time.

The Nazis just get pushier with their requests; Dobermann doesn't dare turn them down outright, but he tries to think of ways to put them off longer. Although he detests it, he hosts more gatherings and parties at his estate to placate the richer Nazis who are easily impressed by his wealth and influence; he lets them tour carefully selected parts of his house, sits with them in the parlor and lets them talk and drink until they're blitzed, and gives just the right platitudes for them to believe he's on their side and plans to offer his support at some future time. Inga, ever the graceful socialite, helps greatly in this effort--men are instantly smitten with her, and just a smile makes them think they have a chance at anything; at the very least, she's a good distraction. She isn't completely sure where her own husband's loyalties lie--she's aware that he thinks the Nazis themselves are idiots, but for all she knows, he's perfectly in line with their views on the Jews, so she's constantly on edge. Nevertheless, even she sees the usefulness in staying on their good side while keeping them at arm's length, so she goes along with the ruse, no matter what Dobermann's motivations might be.

His old connections to the German army come in useful, as well. When the Nazi officials get too bold for him to handle delicately, he requests assistance, and it comes in an unusual form. A handful of Wehrmacht officers who are not affiliated with the Nazi Party arrive to help patrol his estate and keep their fellow officers, as well as party officials, at bay. Most are either older soldiers from the Great War, who aren't as fit at serving on the front lines as before, or younger soldiers who show better organizational than combat skills. Dobermann is vaguely familiar with an older sergeant named Alger Holt, and puts him in informal charge of the others. They man the front gate of his property, taking over checking IDs from the previous guards; walk the perimeter of the property to watch for any trespassers; and patrol the interior of the house, being particularly vigilant whenever there are visitors. Whenever anyone gets too pushy, they politely but firmly step in and if necessary escort them from the property. The fact that this new security detail belongs to the Heer itself lends it an air of credibility and faithfulness to the state, so this arrangement, however odd it may be, proves to be quite helpful.

Several years in, a letter arrives addressed from an SS hospital: Hesse has been wounded. He's again expected to make a full recovery, yet the injury is serious enough to keep him out of combat for an extended period, so there's the insinuation that his military career is over. Addy is overjoyed to learn "Uncle Gunter" will be returning after so long; Inga is relieved that he's survived. Dobermann doesn't like the thought of him coming back to stay with them again, but keeps his thoughts to himself. They have to wait until his condition is stable enough to travel, then the trip via train is a long one, so it's a while before he arrives; Addy is right there waiting at the gate once a covered truck is spotted rambling up the road to the estate, and as soon as Hesse exits the back she throws her arms around him, making him exclaim aloud and almost fall over--Inga has to pull her back to let him regain his balance. He's thinner but more muscular than she remembers him, his face gaunt and his eyes glassy, and he supports himself on a crutch--turns out his left hip was injured, similar to before. Despite his obvious exhaustion, he expresses amazement at the sight of Addy: "You've grown up!" Embarrassed, Addy grabs his duffel bag before he can stop her and lugs it off; Inga hugs him and welcomes him back. (Dobermann is away in the city.) Hesse is perplexed by the presence of Wehrmacht troops at the estate, so Inga explains the situation; apparently concerned, he offers to help ward off the Nazi officials himself, reasoning that his position in the SS might lend him more authority. Inga is surprised by this offer, yet insists that he's there to rest and recuperate and not to worry about it. They catch up a little bit on their way in, Hesse confirming that his time in the Waffen-SS is over; Inga says, "I know it's not the outcome you wanted, but I'm glad you're back." She reaches out to touch his face--something she's done in the past, at which he usually placed his hand over hers--except this time he flinches away and doesn't let her; she can tell he still has feelings, but something between them has fundamentally changed. He heads to his old room to take a nap and she promises to bring him a drink and wake him for dinner. When she visits his room a few minutes later with a pitcher of ice water, she finds him already asleep atop the covers, still fully dressed--even in his boots.

Dobermann returns and they all eat dinner together--Hesse looking bemused at the several Wehrmacht guards who join them--before relaxing on the patio for a bit; Addy begs Hesse to tell her all about what fighting in a war is like, though he demurs, and Inga privately tells her to give him some time. Eventually they head off to their rooms; Inga goes to check on Hesse again, and again finds him sleeping already, though this time he undressed and covered up. His chest is visible--Inga sees that he sports a tattoo now, a large Totenkopf--skull-and-crossbones--across his breast. This is one of the symbols of the SS. She leaves, suddenly feeling very uneasy.

Hesse settles back into everyday life at the estate and things go much as they had before, just with troops around; he follows up on his offer, and a few times helps dissuade visiting Nazis from pestering Dobermann. A horse trailer arrives--he'd requested ownership of his SS horse, Gewitter, and Addy is over the moon ("You have a horse, Uncle Gunter??"); she brushes and fawns over the mare and literally jumps for joy when Hesse says she can ride her later if she'd like. Dobermann watches all this with arms crossed and a skeptical look; Hesse requests a stall in the stables and promises to cover the expense--he's not indigent anymore, as the SS takes good care of its members. Dobermann just stares sourly at him for a moment before waving it off; he doesn't care if Gewitter is housed for free.

Then, some weeks later, comes an official-looking envelope, addressed from SS intelligence headquarters; Inga uneasily takes it to Hesse. Hesse looks rather uncomfortable himself as he opens it and reads the letter within before handing it to her to read, and explaining the situation: While he was in hospital, the SS doctor who treated him noticed how gloomy he was at the prospect of leaving the Waffen-SS, and suggested that he transfer to a different branch, instead--the intelligence division of the Allgemeine-SS, the non-combatant branch headed by Rupprecht Heidenreich, was looking for new members. Hesse requested a transfer, but didn't wish to tell the Dobermanns until he was sure whether it had gone through or not. The letter informs him his application has been accepted. Misinterpreting the growing distress on Inga's face, he tries to reassure her that it's merely a desk job, boring, nothing dangerous; all he'll be doing is keeping records, investigating issues involving his fellow SS officers, making sure the race laws are being followed--nothing she or Adelina need worry about. Of course all this does is fill her with even more dread. Addy is saddened to learn that with Hesse's new job comes a new place to live, an SS-provided apartment in the city; but he promises to visit frequently and stay with them now and then. Dobermann has no complaint about Hesse going to stay elsewhere, though he does share a few words about his new job itself: "Ridiculous," he mutters, then when Inga asks what he's talking about, "Keeping tabs on everyone. You think everyone's a criminal, it says a lot about you, especially when you're the one making the laws." He refuses to elaborate further when Inga presses, and changes the subject.

Hesse visits the city for an interview and a meeting with a tailor to be measured for his new uniform; it arrives and he tries it on, then shows Addy, who ohh's and ahh's over the all-black tunic and breeches and cap and boots, and especially the honor sword he's earned--"You have a horse and a sword now, Uncle Gunter, just like a knight!" Inga and Dobermann are more restrained in their reactions; Dobermann hates the uniform but bites his tongue, while Inga, well, obviously she hates it too, especially since Dobermann has confided in her a few times about stories he's been hearing regarding what the SS actually does. (Remember those camps? The SS runs them.) Adelina's admiration is particularly unsettling, and again, Inga is somewhat relieved when Hesse returns to the city, but fears the thought of what he'll be doing all day. The SS has been compiling a massive collection of records on all German citizens, especially the Jews, and she can't help but wonder if her name's in there somewhere.

Hesse still visits and stays over at times; his attitude toward her doesn't change, so Inga starts to find it hard to believe he could ever turn on the family. He doesn't even express nearly the same amount of nationalistic spite as previously. She has no idea that he's merely getting good at dividing his life in two, keeping his intelligence duties out of sight. Several more Wehrmacht troops arrive to keep watch over things, including a young Junker private named Konrad Helmstadt, who pretty much takes charge of the household; he's organized and efficient, and despite not getting along well with Hesse (he also hates the SS), the two of them do a decent job keeping nuisances away, and he's respectful toward Dobermann. On the other hand, pressure steps up on Dobermann to "make nice" with prominent Nazi officials, as he isn't seen as quite patriotic enough; he swallows his irritation and accepts the suggestion that he "befriend" an especially well-known SS officer, Lt. Col. Ernst Dannecker, the commandant of the nearby labor camp.

(THIS HERE IS A NEW PLOT POINT BTW, WOOT WOOT.)

Both the camp and Dannecker have very nasty reputations, and Dobermann is very reluctant to follow through, but does so anyway: "If they see you're friends with a snake like Herr Dannecker," Sgt. Holt reasons, "perhaps they'll be inclined to stop bothering you for a while." Dobermann and Inga invite Dannecker to come visit, and he accepts. Inga and Addy greet Dannecker when he arrives with his stepdaughter Margarethe (he claims his wife and other stepchildren weren't able to come). Lots of polite hallos but the Dobermanns can't stand him from the start, with his oily smile and manner and his hard eyes and the odd way he acts toward Gret, who's even wearing a black dress that nearly matches his uniform. The whole thing is very weird but they welcome the Danneckers into the parlor and Dobermann comes to greet them as well. Addy offers to show Gret around the house (they're closer in age than anyone else she's met, so she hopes they'll get along); Gret doesn't respond until Dannecker says, "Go along, Gret dear, it's all right; have fun." Addy shows her various rooms she thinks might be interesting, though Gret maintains the same blank, speechless demeanor the whole time; it starts to unnerve Addy. When Addy says, "I like very much your dress, it looks like your stepfather's uniform!" Gret gives her a look that makes her wilt. She finally shows a bit of personality when they come across Hesse's room--his door was accidentally left open, and he forgot to take his second uniform with him into the city. Addy explains this is "Uncle Gunter's" room and she doesn't think they should go in. "Your uncle is SS?" Gret asks--the first words she's spoken aside from "Hallo" and "Ja, Papa." Addy says he is but "He's not really my uncle." "He's not here tonight, he's in the city; he works for the Allgemeine-SS," she adds, hoping she's found a similarity between them. "Papa works for the SS-Totenkopfverbände," Gret says; Addy's never heard of them, so Gret clarifies, "They run the camps. Papa has his own camp, and all kinds of prisoners, Jews and Zigeuner and all, and if you don't respect him, he'll shoot you." Addy is like, "Um...all right." o_o Gret then turns to her and says, "I've heard houses like this are full of hidden passages," and Addy perks up and says, "Ja, it is! You'd like to see some--?" and shows her one close to her own room; "There are so many of them, we don't even know them all." "It's rather small," Gret says, peering inside; then, an especially strange comment: "The one Papa showed me is much, much bigger. You could scream down there, and no one would hear you." Addy starts to explain that the passages have to be small to fit between the walls when Gret cuts her off with, "I'd like to go back to Papa now, bitte," and that's it. Addy leads her back to the parlor, then excuses herself, utterly weirded out.

Dobermann and Inga, meanwhile, have been chatting--so to speak--with Dannecker. He does most of the talking since Dobermann isn't that skilled at smalltalk. Dannecker finally says, "Why is it, exactly, that we're here right now? What exactly are you looking for?" "Looking for...?" Dobermann echoes, to which Dannecker replies, "What sort of favor do you want?" He's not stupid--he knows he isn't there to just socialize. "No favor," Dobermann says, then, "I doubt you have anything I would want." Inga hisses under her breath, "Louis!"--but Dannecker just starts laughing and says, "I like when someone speaks plain. So then why are we here? If not a favor, what is it you want?" Dobermann takes a big risk--likely just because he finds the commandant so unlikable and is getting fed up with it all--and replies, "I've been told I have to make nice with people like you, to get in good with the Reich." Inga nearly crawls out of her skin at that, but all Dannecker does is smile and say, "I knew it wasn't because you particularly enjoy my company. Your lovely wife looks about ready to run away and never come back." He ignores Inga's stricken look, clasps his hands, and leans toward Dobermann, saying, "So--how best might we benefit each other? I scratch your back and you scratch mine...?"

Well, it positively skeeves the Dobermanns out, but Dannecker's friendship does come with a bonus--the Nazis settle down and drop their mutterings about Dobermann's devotion to the Third Reich. Dannecker, meanwhile, benefits from Dobermann's pristine reputation as Watchman of the City, distracting somewhat from his own unsavory reputation. They have to socialize now and then to keep up appearances, though Dobermann insists to Inga that he'll meet with the commandant on his own turf since he can't stand having him in his house. (Addy doesn't mind her aborted friendship with Gret: "So...creepy, with her blank face and her little goosestep," she tells her mother, "like a spooky little china doll.")

This results in Dannecker inviting him to tour the camp itself; Dobermann puts this off for a while but finally relents. Oh God does he HATE it. Dannecker's camp isn't a death camp, but it has its fair share of deaths and executions, so that it has its own crematorium; the yard is almost always muddy, and conditions are harsh, with Dannecker being so well known for psychologically tormenting his prisoners that he's earned the nickname Der Teufel (the Devil)--even his own guards are afraid of him and his unpredictable mix of casual amusement and hair-trigger rage. He's always polite with Dobermann, however, including as he shows him the camp--of which he seems inordinately proud--and casually points out the ovens for burning bodies and the place where prisoners periodically line up to be sent right, to work, or left, to execution via firing squad. Such a line has formed while Dobermann is there--current prisoners being assessed for their continued usefulness, rather than new arrivals--and Dobermann is allowed to look at the logbook of the officer sending them left or right. It lists names, numbers, offenses, birthplaces, professions. He notices one name, SCHÄFER, TOBIAS, with the words JUDE and ARZT, as well as the notation LINKS--"Left." "This one is a doctor...?" he asks, and after receiving the affirmative, asks Dannecker to point him out; Dannecker complains that he doesn't know one Jew from another, though when Dobermann shows him the name, he realizes he does vaguely know this one--he points out a slight, bespectacled man huddled with the group awaiting execution. Why is he about to be shot? He slightly hurt his arm, and is no longer fit for heavy work. Seems like quite a piddly reason. Dobermann asks, "Why do you not employ this one in the medical ward, like the other camps do?--it seems like a waste to kill a doctor." Dannecker bristles at the suggestion and briefly drops his smarmy facade: "We employ good Germans only--not Jews! You're insane if you think I'd let one put his filthy hands on anyone else." Dobermann bites down his first reaction, takes in, and lets out a breath.

Dobermann: "How much do you want for him?"

Dannecker: (dumbfounded) "You...want to buy him?"

Dobermann: (stare)

Dannecker: (pause) "I don't need money, the SS pays me very well."

Dobermann: (stare)

Dannecker: (pause) "I couldn't help but notice your household possesses a rather fine collection of antique tapestries."

Dobermann: (frowns) "You want a tapestry?"

Dannecker: (smiles) "My choice."

Dobermann: (pause) (holds out his hand)

Dannecker: (smiles wider, shakes his hand) "We have ourselves a deal, then."

Dobermann stands there and watches as Dannecker saunters over to the group of prisoners, calling out, "Herr Doktor." The prisoner doesn't even look at him. Dannecker gets a sour look and says, louder, "Herr Doktor," gets no response. It's only when he gets right in the prisoner's face and yells, "HERR DOKTOR!" that he finally reacts, gasping and flinching back; Dannecker points at Dobermann, in a poor mood now, and says, "Go with him." Schäfer hesitates, obviously confused, so Dannecker kicks at his leg and he hurries toward Dobermann. Then stops. Dobermann notices how he never reacts to Dannecker in the slightest until the commandant gets in his face, in his line of sight, this time smacking him with his crop and repeating, "Go--with--him," slowly, as if he thinks Schäfer is an idiot. Dobermann gestures for him to follow, and as they exit the gate--Schäfer peering around himself anxiously--Dannecker calls out, "I'll be by soon for my tapestry!"

(He later ends up choosing one of a pair of tapestries, an angel and a devil. The devil tapestry amuses him--he's fully aware of the nickname everyone has for him--and he cheerfully leaves with it.)

Dobermann's driver is perplexed when Dobermann lets a Jewish prisoner into the car before getting in himself, but he doesn't explain. As they drive away, Dobermann gestures to capture Schäfer's attention, then with his hands he signs, YOU ARE DEAF? Schäfer, surprised, confirms this (and that he can also read lips), then asks, "How did you know?" Dobermann explains the little signs he saw back at the camp; Schäfer responds that Dannecker never found out that he was deaf, he managed to hide it so well--otherwise, he would have been executed immediately as a disabled defective, rather than put to work. Dobermann then asks if he's indeed a doctor. "I was," Schäfer says, "until they made it illegal." He asks why Dobermann saved him, and Dobermann says he needs an in-home physician at his estate; when Schäfer protests, "But--I'm no longer allowed to practice, it's the law," Dobermann replies, "Under my roof, you're allowed. It's my law."

Inga, and Addy, are also surprised when Dobermann returns with his unusual guest. Dobermann briefly explains things; the two women look at Schäfer curiously, and Addy, who to her knowledge has only ever heard about but never met a Jew, asks in all sincerity, "Do you eat babies...?" Aghast, Inga rebukes her, and offers to get him something to eat from the kitchen (Schäfer wasn't in the camp very long, but he's quite thin and gaunt and spattered with mud); she leads him there while Dobermann has a few words with Holt and Helmstadt about the situation. "I don't remember the details very well, I'm not sure if it's all kosher," Inga apologizes when she brings him some food; the comment puzzles Schäfer but he tells her he doesn't mind, and scarfs down the food ravenously. She returns him to Dobermann, who leads him off to a guest room to stay in for the time being. As they walk up the hallway, Schäfer suddenly shrinks in on himself and cowers behind Dobermann; Dobermann looks at him, then forward again. Hesse, in full uniform, is approaching from ahead. He greets Dobermann, sees Schäfer, furrows his brow a little: "What's this?" "This is Herr Schäfer," Dobermann replies, "and he's going to be the home physician." Hesse blinks in surprise--then his expression shifts into such unbridled hatred that Schäfer cowers again. As if Schäfer isn't even right there, Hesse hisses under his breath that Dobermann needs to return Schäfer to the camp right now.

Hesse: "What are you thinking? Forget about this nonsense. You can employ any good German doctor you want!"

Dobermann: "As far as I'm aware, he is German."

Hesse: "You know exactly what I mean!"

Dobermann: "I do, and that's why I'd like you to hold your tongue."

Hesse: "You're breaking the law!"

Dobermann: "And you're a guest in this house. If you don't like the way I do things, you're free to leave. Go ahead and report me if you'd like, but you'll have to report Herr Dannecker, too. I doubt he'll appreciate that. Now excuse us, but I'm getting Herr Schäfer set up in his room."

Schäfer gets only Hesse's part of this exchange since he's standing behind Dobermann. He has no idea WTF is going on, just that there's an SS officer in the house, he and Dobermann seem familiar with each other, and he wants Schäfer to go right back to the camp. Hesse glares at Dobermann, shoots Schäfer an ugly look, and spits on the floor before turning and stalking away. Dobermann gestures at the trembling Schäfer to follow and gets him to his room, briefly going over how they'll get him some new clothes (he's still in his striped prison uniform), medical equipment as soon as he's settled in, and will rig up his room so he can tell when someone is at his door. He points out the bathroom so Schäfer can wash up, and a dumbwaiter to deliver food and other items if he requests, though he'll be eating dinner with the family later that night, as "You're part of the household now, best get used to it." He leaves to give Schäfer some privacy. Schäfer tentatively runs the hot water, then washes up, and it feels so good he nearly cries. He checks the dumbwaiter out of curiosity and finds that a fresh change of clothes, approximately his size, has already arrived, along with a pitcher of ice water and a light snack with a note from Inga about dinner later. He actually forgets about the run-in with Hesse for a bit, he's so overwhelmed with gratitude, it all feels like a dream. There's just one odd thing...while examining the dumbwaiter, he notices an irregularity in the wall, and realizes there's a hidden passage. He decides to say nothing about it.

Inga arrives to escort Schäfer to dinner, and explains that Hesse is a family friend, news which alarms him; she tries to reassure him that he'll cause no trouble, but Schäfer is understandably skeptical. Dinner goes incredibly awkwardly. Schäfer is invited to the family table; the Dobermanns are fine with it, Holt and the handful of other Wehrmacht guards who eat with them are curious but make no complaint. But then Hesse arrives, sees Schäfer, and is livid--so much so that Dobermann actually leaves the table to argue with him in the neighboring room. "I won't eat supper with some dirty Jew!" Hesse snaps, at which Dobermann curtly replies, "You're welcome to eat elsewhere, then." They stare each other down, then Hesse storms off, back to his room. When Dobermann returns and says Hesse won't be joining them, Schäfer is mortified; despite Dobermann's and Inga's protests, he insists on going to eat in the kitchen with the staff. Exasperated, Dobermann goes to Hesse's room to tell him, "You're free to come eat at the table, the dirty Jew granted your request and won't be joining us." Hesse sulkily returns and neither he nor the Dobermanns talk throughout the entire meal, Dobermann being angry and disgusted, Inga ashamed and embarrassed, Addy confused and uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Schäfer is welcomed into the kitchen with open arms, and the help staff ply him with so much food, including leftovers to take back to his room, that this time he does burst into tears, crying, "Vielen Dank, vielen Dank."

(Aside: Feel free to compare the dialogue and details here with Schäfer's entry, to see differences based on my faulty memory and developing events. Most of this, including the rest, is not set in stone yet, and I often prefer not to look back lest I get caught up in reading old entries.)

Hesse is left fuming over what to do. He does end up visiting Dannecker, who confirms Dobermann's story. When Hesse stresses that what he did was illegal and there could be consequences, Dannecker first looks surprised, then gets that trademark smirk of his and says, "And what are you going to do about it, Kamerad? I hear that last complaint of yours didn't go so well, did it?"* Dannecker is referring to an incident that occurred while Hesse was serving in the Waffen-SS, when he filed a complaint against his commanding officer for making a sexual advance; this of course went to the Allgemeine-SS for investigation, but after a few questions they refused to pursue the case, due to the high standing of Hesse's CO. Hesse ironically had to request a recommendation from his CO when he applied to join...the Allgemeine-SS, the same branch that turned down his complaint. Recalling how this went absolutely nowhere other than embarrassing him, Hesse decides there's no benefit in pursuing an official complaint against Dannecker or Dobermann, both of whom outrank him literally and figuratively, and he'll have to think of something else instead. Another strongly worded demand to Dobermann goes nowhere, and Dobermann warns him that he better not try again. Appealing to Inga is just as fruitless--she insists she has no say in the matter, and surely it's not so bad?--as long as he's on their property, Schäfer is causing no trouble. This gives Hesse an idea about the last feasible thing he can do: He goes to Dobermann and says that if he insists on flouting the law, Schäfer will have to remain on the Dobermann property only, and he has to wear the Judenstern, the yellow star badge, on himself at all times--"I can't protect you, or him, otherwise." This time, Dobermann is livid; but he doesn't argue, as he knows he's pushing his luck. He tells Inga, who asks to inform Schäfer herself; she sews a yellow star by hand and goes to tell him Hesse's demand. Schäfer has been agonizing about Hesse's presence--"He'll send me back to the camp, and you can't stop him"--so to hear that all he has to do is wear the star is an immense relief.

(*This is so weird, I could swear I already shared a version of this event, with different dialogue--Dannecker saying something like, "Go ahead and try, Kamerad, see how far you get"--but I can't find it. Hm.)

The situation takes an unexpectedly beneficial turn not long after when Hesse is seriously injured and Schäfer successfully treats the injury; he then makes the mistake of giving Hesse morphine. When Inga tells him why he shouldn't have done this, he's positive he'll be sent away. Despite Inga's suggestion that he leave Hesse alone now, he returns with a sedative--Hesse is already in withdrawal, shaking and sweating and miserable, and he weakly slaps Schäfer's hand away, saying, "No more needles!" Schäfer explains that it's nonaddictive and will help him sleep, and leaves it for him to take himself; when Inga arrives in the morning, she finds the syringe empty and Hesse sleeping soundly. He returns to the dinner table after a few days, and when Schäfer--who's been eating with the Dobermanns in his absence--starts to get up to go to the kitchen, Hesse urges, "Stay, bitte?" He doesn't address Schäfer after that, but also doesn't complain about his presence, and the evening goes peacefully. The ice between the two very slowly thaws, with Schäfer helping treat Gewitter when she comes down with colic, and Hesse even learning sign language to communicate with Schäfer, stomping his boot twice against the floor to get his attention when needed. The Dobermanns never would have expected it, but the two develop a cautious friendship, having to keep a certain distance out of necessity but otherwise getting along unusually well.

Dobermann couldn't have known the far-reaching consequences of his split-second decision to rescue Schäfer from Dannecker's camp. Not long after Schäfer goes to live with them, Dannecker is murdered in a prisoner escape; the ringleader, who executed Dannecker via his favorite intimidation method--Russian roulette--is Josef Diamant, a former jeweler-turned-document forger who was tortured by the SS and then imprisoned. It turns out he collaborated with Margarethe Dannecker herself to do the deed, and even stole Dannecker's dress sword for her, as a trophy. Dobermann is stunned by this news, but not too surprised; the truly surprising thing is how they pulled it off. Too bad Addy forgot all about that weird comment Gret made about a secret passage in the camp...now hidden, BTW, by a devil tapestry. In any case, Diamant and his fellow escapees soon become the core members of a budding but rapidly expanding coalition of former prisoners, refugees, partisans, and others persecuted by the Nazis, as well as sympathetic German citizens. Against Diamant's wishes this becomes known as the Diamond Network, and one of the things it takes the best advantage of is the systems of hidden passages within city buildings and Junker homes. They learn which Junkers are sympathetic to their cause and make contact, fixing up and expanding the passages to provide safe travel and exit into the countryside.

At least one of the smaller estates within walking distance of the Dobermann property grants the Network permission to use the house, so members often pass by the Dobermanns' land itself. One has the misfortune of stepping in an old abandoned trap and getting caught one evening. She has the good fortune of being discovered not by one of the Wehrmacht guards, but by Dr. Schäfer, who's strolling around the property edges...looking for old traps to disarm. He reassures her he won't hurt her, pointing to his Judenstern, and hurries back to the house to fetch his medical bag. The two of them manage to pry off the trap and Schäfer attends to the injury--the bone isn't broken--before letting her go with the promise that he won't tell anyone they met. She's the one who tells, and soon after, Schäfer runs into Diamant himself. I'm not sure if they were in Dannecker's camp at the same time, but either way they've never met, and since there's no good likeness available of Diamant, Schäfer doesn't know who he is until he explains--then it's pretty obvious. He thanks Schäfer for helping, and says there's another way he can help: By gaining the Network access to the Dobermann house. There's a significant gap in their version of the Underground Railroad and the estate would go a long way toward filling it in. Schäfer wants to help, but is terribly anxious; he loves the Dobermanns and doesn't want to get them in trouble. Diamant gives him some suggestions on how to go about doing it and minimizing the impact on the family--they don't have to know--so Schäfer agrees to try. His best bet is getting the help staff on board.

He joins the staff as they're working and chatting one day, and after some careful conversation is able to judge the atmosphere: Most of them seem disdainful of the Nazis (they often ridicule the estate's visitors) and sympathetic toward the Jews and other prisoners. Schäfer selects the most trustworthy seeming of them for a small private talk; he takes a risk and asks if they'd be willing to help funnel fugitives through the house, using the hidden passages. One or two of them are too nervous/reluctant to commit to anything, but they vow not to interfere; the rest are eager at the prospect. They offer to invite others on the staff who they believe will be interested, and plan a meeting for late one night to get everything in order to send information back to Diamant. They decide to call the meeting a "party," and not try to conceal it from the rest of the household, so as to not be too suspicious. By necessity, Schäfer can't attend, since he's not one of the help staff--he would bring too much suspicion on the rest. They agree to fill him in afterward, though.

The servants have their meeting--they know nobody like Hesse or Helmstadt will bother them, considering such a "party" to be rather beneath themselves--and draw up a tentative schematic of the passages they're aware of and how to access them. A house layout exists--Helmstadt keeps track of it--but it's incomplete, and the staff know of even more passages that aren't listed. They finish their work and prepare to take the schematic to Schäfer and retire for the night, but as soon as they exit into the hallway, they find someone waiting for them: Sgt. Holt. He looks them over and asks what they're up to. They stick to their story of a party, but he isn't buying it. "What exactly is the business you have going on with Herr Schäfer?" he asks--Holt is exceptionally astute, watching everything from the background, and he's noticed their conversations. The servants hem and haw, afraid and uncertain how to proceed; Holt sees the rolled-up paper and requests to look at it. They reluctantly hand it over and he studies it...then says, "You missed a few passages." He waves for the pen and someone gives it to him; he adds a few more lines, rolls up the paper, hands it back. "Whatever this is, you keep it quieter than you already have," he says. "If I found it out, Herr Hesse could, too." And he leaves.

The staff offer Schäfer the map, telling him what happened; he's incredibly anxious but passes it off to Diamant, letting him know who on the staff can be trusted, but also that one of the Wehrmacht guards found out what they're up to--perhaps the plan should be aborted. Diamant frowns but says they'll go through with it, after he checks the house out himself. He sneaks in successfully, slipping through the passages and rooms undetected, peering into a few rooms to see their contents (creepy, but he doesn't linger); on the map he locates Holt's room, and heads for it. Peeks in, sees the furniture and such. Slowly opens the passage, peers a bit further, starts to slip into the room--then freezes when the barrel of a pistol nudges against his head. Holt had heard him despite his best efforts, and concealed himself to the side as he peeked in. "Mind telling me who you are and why you're breaking into my room?" Holt asks.

Diamant: (hands raised) "I'm pretty sure you already know me."

Holt: "Enlighten me."

Diamant: "Maybe not my face but my actions?"

Holt: "I know you're good at being vague."

Diamant: "Well...your boss entertained a certain guest here a long time back, so I'm told; I made sure he won't be entertained again."

A pause, then Holt withdraws the gun. Yes, he's heard of Diamant. And he's smart enough to put two and two together: Diamant and Schäfer were both Dannecker's victims, so for them to be colluding makes perfect sense. The two exchange a few words and it soon becomes clear that Holt hasn't informed anyone about the staff "party" or the home layout. "You need to use the house?" he asks; "Use it for what?" Diamant says, to which Holt replies, "This escape thing you have going on, whatever it is. If so, you need to move around more slowly; these passages are old and creaky. If you're familiar with all the sounds of the house, you notice noises that shouldn't be there. I heard you coming a mile away." Diamant asks why Holt is telling him this. Holt replies, "I fought alongside men just like you in the war. I depended on you for my life more than once. I feel I should return the favor. Especially now that everyone else has forgotten."

So, okay: Holt is in.

It isn't too long before the Network is using the Dobermann house to funnel people through to the countryside and on to safety, though there are limits to what they can do, given how many people live in and visit the house; the numerous Nazi guests, and Hesse, make it necessary to be even more careful than usual and not take as much advantage of the situation as they'd like. They need another, even more powerful ally to ward off this threat, and they find it in Inga Dobermann herself.

Inga's been paying close attention to Germany's deteriorating situation, aided by the stories Dobermann himself passes on regarding what Nazi officials are telling him. He's obviously disapproving of what he hears, but doesn't seem to think he can do much about it. Inga agonizes over being so helpless; she wants to do something, even if her husband isn't on board. Dobermann bringing Schäfer home to live with them was a turning point--seeing his timid, emaciated state, his shaved head and dirty striped clothes, and especially the tattoo on his arm and the yellow star on his shirt, brought the severity of the situation home as well, made it real, instead of some vaporous rumor of things possibly occurring far away. (Despite his love for Addy, Hesse lies to and gaslights her CONSTANTLY concerning the Final Solution, and her admiration for him makes her believe everything he says. To hear him tell it, everything is fine, the trains that pass in the distance all the time are full of soldiers and war supplies, and the camps, well, they're just prison camps, and obviously the prisoners did something to deserve to be there. Even worse, she freely parrots all this to anyone else who listens.) Inga approaches Schäfer one day and asks if he can keep a secret; of course, for her, he can. She gives him her locket; within is a photo of her and Dobermann and Adelina. A look from her makes Schäfer remove the photo; behind it is a tiny Star of David pendant. "No one knows, except you," says Inga; "What about Herr Dobermann?" Schäfer asks, to which she replies, "Not him...not Herr Gunter, not even Lina. It never seemed important enough, until now." She briefly pours out her regret over living so safely and comfortably while others are suffering, and her wish to do something about it; Schäfer says nothing, as he's too afraid to. After getting everything out Inga wipes her eyes, signs, "I'm not sure why I'm putting this all on you, it's just you're the only one I know; I'm sorry," and gets up to leave. Schäfer finally finds his voice and draws her attention; when she looks back at him, he loses his nerve again until she says, "You said I could trust you, so you can trust me too, Herr Tobias." He hesitates, fiddling his fingers; then, instead of going into detail, he tells her to go visit her neighbor--make up a pretext for visiting--and ask to see the jack of diamonds. Inga furrows her brow, but he says nothing else, so she leaves.

This neighbor has no name yet but she shows up frequently enough that she'll get one soon. She's a young unmarried Junker who lives alone with her help staff within far but walking distance of the Dobermann estate, and so is the neighbor the Dobermanns are closest to, occasionally paying social visits. Like Dobermann, she expresses distaste for the Nazis, but doesn't go against the Third Reich. At least, it doesn't look like she does; secretly, she granted the Diamond Network full access to her property a while previously, and actively collaborates with Diamant himself. Schäfer hasn't interacted with her but knows of her through the Network, and knows she's trustworthy. Inga makes the excuse one evening to visit her (bringing along some of the estate's highly prized eggs); the head servant lets her in, asks her reason for visiting, fetches his mistress. The neighbor warmly welcomes Inga and invites her into the parlor, dismissing the servant and asking what Inga would like. Inga pauses uncertainly before saying, "I'd like to see the jack of diamonds." Instantly, the room seems to go cold--the neighbor's smile vanishes and she just stares at Inga. Uncomfortable silence draws out. She gets up and goes to close the parlor door, returns to Inga.

Neighbor: "Who sent you here? And why?"

Inga: "Herr Schäfer told me to come."

Neighbor: "Herr Schäfer? Your doctor?"

Inga: "Ja, he...we had a talk and he told me to come here, to talk to you."

Neighbor: "A talk about what?"

Inga: (flustered) "Why are you questioning me so much--?"

Neighbor: "He told you to say that?"

Inga: "The jack of diamonds? Ja, he did. May I see it?"

Neighbor: "What EXACTLY made him tell you that? What did you ask him?"

Inga: (distressed) "I wanted to help somehow." (hesitates, then pulls out her locket and shows Neighbor the Star of David) "Only you and he know! And I pray I don't regret it!"

Neighbor stares at the pendant a moment, then says, "Put that away. Away, away." Inga does so, believing Neighbor is disgusted and brushing her off, until she says, "Come back in two days. Same time. Come alone; make up an excuse like today. And you can meet the Jack of Diamonds." Inga blinks--"It's a man?"--but Neighbor just calls her servant back, cheerfully thanks her for the eggs--"I may have to ask for some more, soon!"--and bids her farewell. Inga leaves, more confused than ever. As soon as she's gone, Neighbor turns to Head Servant and instructs, "I need you to get in touch with Herr Diamant. Ask if he can be here day after tomorrow, ten in the evening. I know someone he might want to meet." "Frau Dobermann??" Head Servant exclaims in surprise, then hurries to do as he's told. Neighbor's entire home staff is also collaborating with the Diamond Network.

Inga returns two days later, though she's growing increasingly discouraged and anxious. Is welcomed in same as before, goes to the parlor. Neighbor isn't as cold as last time, but notices Inga's distress, and again asks why she's really there. Inga repeats what she said to Schäfer. Neighbor seems sympathetic, but Inga starts to balk when it becomes clear how much danger not just she but her husband and daughter could be put in as well, should she act against the Reich. As she's protesting, a voice behind her says, "You can still back out, if you'd like." Inga gasps and jumps up, whirling around; a figure is leaning against the entry leading to the next room--a tall man in an SS uniform. "You told--?" Inga exclaims in a panic, whirling to Neighbor. "I can't believe you told! I trusted you! What have you done--?"

Neighbor simply retorts, "You wanted to see the Jack of Diamonds!" Inga doesn't get to respond; the man in the SS uniform steps into the room, saying, "When I go out I have to go in disguise...I find this one's unfortunately effective." He sits down, removes his cap; Inga notices that, like her, he has dark skin, dark hair, dark eyes. "This is Josef Diamant," Neighbor explains; Inga looks from one to the other, mute. Diamant gestures for her to sit back down; she does, and he says, "I'm genuinely sorry for frightening you, Frau Dobermann." "You know me?" Inga says, to which he replies, "Of course we know you, and your husband. Watchman of the City. We've been interested in you for quite a while." He makes his pitch, about how if she wants to help, she can grant full access to the estate. Inga is dumbfounded to learn that not only Schäfer--meek, soft-spoken Schäfer--but most of her help staff, plus Sgt. Holt, are already involved. Why does Diamant need her help, then? So far, the Network has limited themselves to using the cellar passages to avoid run-ins with the estate's guests. If Inga were to get involved, she could not only notify the Network of when it would be safe to use the other floors, but deter the guests--and Hesse, the biggest threat of all--away from key areas at key times. As mistress of the household, she's secondary only to Dobermann in allowing access, and so for her to help out the Network would be considered a HUGE bonus. Inga is still iffy but Diamant points out how not only her life, but those of her husband and daughter, her help staff, Holt, Schäfer, and even Hesse--for bending the law in allowing Schäfer to stay with them (he's made a point to never mention this to his boss, the chief of SS intelligence)--are already in danger whether she acts or not: "You can turn around now, and go back to your comfortable life, and I won't fault you for it; nobody before now ever asked you to be a savior. But keeping your head down won't protect you forever. That was what people like me, and Herr Schäfer, used to believe, and look what happened to us--and we're the lucky ones. I guarantee you they'll come for you and your family and Herr Schäfer one day, and even your friend Herr Hesse won't be able to help you, if he even wishes to. I can't guarantee they won't find you out if you help me--but I can guarantee you'll be saving someone else."

Inga is agonized over all this, but finally agrees. Plans are made for her to provide the Network with information on when and where guests of the household will be present or not, so the Network can accordingly avoid or use nearby passages. Additionally, this means they're able to make small fixes to the creaky passages to make them safer and easier to use. They can use the passages on the ground floor as well, which is riskier but quicker than the cellar. (The upper floors are generally ignored as inconvenient.) Inga becomes adept at distracting people away from places the Network is currently using, though she does express her mixed feelings at deceiving her family and Hesse, whom she still considers a good friend despite Diamant's assurance that his opinion of her would change should he find out the truth.

The big unknown in all this is what her own family's reaction would be. Inga knows Dobermann dislikes the Nazis, and even the Nazi Party; but what does he think of the Jews? He did save Schäfer, and accepted him as a member of the household--but so did Hesse, eventually. And even while he's criticized the Third Reich, he still saw fit to associate with Dannecker for his own benefit, and hasn't expressed any interest in taking action against them. Inga has no idea how he'd react to finding out the truth. Adelina is especially complicated: Although not overtly hostile, she still fully believes Hesse's lies, and idolizes the SS, hoping to marry an officer someday. Inga knows Hesse could never accept who she is, but Dobermann and Adelina, they're complete question marks. Yet it doesn't look promising.

She gets the chance to find out abruptly one night when, walking through the halls, she's startled by a Nazi official who has no business being there--although invited in earlier, he never left, and was lost track of, during which time he's been furtively exploring the house, seeking access to the hidden passages they've heard so much about. Inga is expecting Diamant to pass through this part of the house soon, so to run into this guy alarms her even more than usual; she demands that he leave. Seeing that she's alone, he refuses, and in return demands to know where the passage is; her refusal to help makes him suspicious, and he pulls his gun. Inga makes a grab for it and he fires, grazing her arm--during the brief struggle her locket falls to the floor and pops open, the Star coming out so he gets a good look at it--she manages to get hold of the gun and yells a warning, but he charges at her anyway--"Filthy Jew whore!"--and she shoots him. He falls dead and just like that, the Dobermanns' lives instantly change.

Diamant is close enough to hear the commotion; he exits the passageway and rushes to the scene. Sgt. Holt was nearby as well; he also arrives, and they both stare at Inga and the dead Nazi in surprise. Holt, the most levelheaded of the household, starts to suggest what to do, when a noise draws everyone's attention--Dobermann is standing in the hallway, taking in the scene with a baffled look. He looks at the body, at the necklaces, at Holt, at Diamant, then at Inga--utterly confused.

It's late, and he'd just been in bed, reading and waiting for Inga to finish up what she was doing--she's had some odd habits lately, checking the house after nightfall, but he's not the suspicious sort. The two gunshots convince him to hurry to investigate. Finding not just Inga with a gun and a dead Nazi, but Holt, and this guy he doesn't even know, and Inga's locket with a Star of David next to it, he has no idea how to react. Holt acts, instead--he tersely says the Nazi was trespassing, and tried to attack Inga. The truth. Before he can fill in all the holes, though, a new voice whispers from the passageway Diamant exited, warning that the rest of the Wehrmacht guards who heard the gunshots are quickly approaching. (This unknown party is Lukas Mettbach, an associate of Diamant's who often creeps through the passages doing reconnaissance ) Everyone stares at each other for a second, then Dobermann steps forward, takes the gun from Inga, and shoves her at Diamant. "Take her," he says. "Safety." Diamant immediately understands, grasping Inga's arm and pulling her along after him even as she keeps exclaiming, "Louis--? Louis!" They disappear into the passage and Dobermann shuts it behind them. (Cue Lukas catching sight of Inga with Diamant and hissing, "What the--? What the f**k are you doing??") He turns back, drops the gun near the spatter of blood Inga left on the floor, and retrieves the necklaces. "He was trespassing and shot her, she got the gun and shot him, they both died," he says. "But her body," says Holt. "Her wish was her body be taken to her relatives," Dobermann says--it's a weak story which will raise questions, but it's all he has--they can hear the commotion coming. "But she has no other family," Holt says, to which he replies, "Here's hoping they don't know that. You handle the rest."

He heads off in the opposite direction--supposedly carrying Inga's body away. (In reality, he slips into one of the passages and leans against the wall for a bit, trying to collect himself--a feeling he's quite unused to.) Holt does what he does best, and takes charge of the disintegrating situation; the first to arrive is Private Helmstadt, who sees the body and asks what's going on. Holt sticks as much to the real story as possible, but has to explain why Dobermann supposedly took Inga's body away. He prevents the others from asking too much by issuing orders--the Dobermann house is now a crime scene, meaning the authorities have to be contacted. Helmstadt leaves to call Lt. Hesse, who's staying at his apartment in the city; he mentions an emergency at the Dobermann estate, involving a shooting and Inga Dobermann. Hesse, stunned, says he needs to contact his boss but will be there as soon as possible. It's after hours but Col. Heidenreich is still at SS headquarters; he offers to stay there while Hesse goes to the estate, and promises him all the manpower he needs to investigate. Hesse heads out alone to assess the situation; the drive is over an hour, including over some rough country roads, so it takes him a bit. Dobermann has "returned" by the time he arrives, and Holt gives him most of the details. As expected, Hesse is confused by the removal of Inga's body--"Why didn't you take her to Dr. Schäfer?" Dobermann insists she was already dead--"He's a doctor, not a miracle worker"--and reiterates Inga's last wish. "But...Frau Inga never told me anything about having other family," Hesse protests, to which Dobermann tersely replies, "Maybe there are things about her she never told you." Ouch. Hesse gives up on ironing out the details just yet, and promises a full investigation--except Dobermann requests that he keep it low key, to avoid drawing too much attention that could upset Addy (she's still asleep and has no idea what's going on yet). If there's a big fuss, all it can do is bring trouble to the family. Although bewildered and reluctant, Hesse agrees, and orders a couple of the guards to carefully bundle up the body and bring it out to his car, and make sure nobody messes with the rest of the scene until he returns in the morning. (Forensics isn't fantastic in my story.) He takes the body back to the city with him and hands it off for autopsy, reports to Heidenreich (he asks for discretion, and to be allowed to investigate with just one other officer of his choice, to which Heidenreich agrees--the officer he chooses is 2nd Lt. Paul Wozniak, who has a new name but is not a brand-new character, I've mentioned him before--and yes, I'll explain that surname eventually), then heads back to his apartment to try to catch a bit more sleep.

Hesse doesn't handle Inga's "death" well at all. He's still in love with her, and the situation hits him all at once now that he's alone; he breaks down sobbing and shaking. It's the worst pain he's ever felt, and it won't stop, so he tries the only thing he can think of to numb it; he rummages in his study and digs out the kit he keeps his morphine works in, which he's kept hold of all this time--not to use, but as a reminder NOT to use. Well, all that has gone out the window with this development, and he prepares the needle and is actually about to go through with it when his eyes blur over again and he can't see what he's doing. He breaks down crying again and manages to doze off. He awakens to a pounding on his door, sees the needle lying beside him, examines his arms and the syringe but finds he never went through with it; then goes to answer the door. It's Lt. Wozniak, who showed up when Hesse didn't report in to work; Hesse invites him in while he gets ready. While wandering around Wozniak spots the drug works and asks Hesse if he's truly good to go; Hesse confirms that he is, and they head out to the Dobermann estate to ask questions and collect what remaining evidence they can.

Ironically...Hesse ensures that the SS doesn't delve TOO deeply into Inga's death, thus protecting Dobermann and Adelina--who's since been informed of what happened--from scrutiny. He's not stupid, he sees the gaping holes in Dobermann's story, but he's not willing to dig too deep himself--he wants to protect Inga and Lina too, even though he doesn't know what from. Dobermann effectively uses his feelings for Inga to shield his family and keep Inga's secret--because he's not stupid either, as soon as he saw Inga's necklace on the floor, then heard Lukas call out to "Herr Josef" from the passageway, he understood exactly what was going on. He's heard of Josef Diamant and what he does. So he knows that not only was Diamant the only person who could shuttle Inga away to safety, but Hesse's cooperation is needed as well. So he sees nothing wrong with manipulating him like this. Addy, however...he doesn't know how to handle her. She's far closer to her mother than to him, so she reacts to Inga's "death" much as Hesse (privately) did, sobbing with grief that she didn't get to tell her goodbye. When Hesse finds out that Dobermann hasn't even attempted to comfort her yet, he's infuriated, confronting him and demanding that he step up: "She needs you more than ever right now! And what do you do but avoid her, like a coward?" This doesn't sit well with Dobermann, who snaps, "She's MY daughter, not yours! Don't think you can tell me how to be a father!" to which Hesse retorts, "Then ACT like one!" and storms off. Even with as much as Dobermann dislikes Hesse...this particular comment hits home. He knows he's right this time. He belatedly approaches Addy while she sits crying alone, and, unable to think of anything to say, puts his arms around her. She hugs him back, tight, and just sobs; although uncomfortable with the outpouring of emotion, he lets her.

Thanks to Hesse's interference, the Dobermanns escape intense investigation, with most of the attention falling on the dead Nazi himself. He's a minor player and Heidenreich declines to put much effort into finding a motive behind his actions, instructing the SS to leave the Dobermanns to grieve in peace; he even helps turn the guy into the scapegoat for trespassing and threatening Inga. The fine details, the holes in the story, are swept under the rug. Inga was well known and loved, and there's an outpouring of support for the Dobermanns, though they pretty much keep to themselves in the aftermath and are left alone. Hesse and Wozniak complete their cursory investigation and the case is quietly closed.

What happened to Inga...? Diamant transports her, weeping, to Unnamed Neighbor's house. Head Servant lets them in and calls her and Diamant fills her in on what's happened. He isn't comfortable entrusting Inga to anyone else; although it's risky to keep her so close by, Neighbor agrees to let Inga stay with her for the time being, since everyone in her house is in on things. She tells Inga (who's nearly inconsolable over not saying goodbye to her husband and daughter) she'll need to be disguised, and Inga agrees. Neighbor first cuts Inga's long black hair into a much shorter bob, Inga's eyes welling up with tears as she does so; it reminds her of what she's been told of the Jews who enter the camps. Neighbor then washes and bleaches her hair blond; Inga takes one look at herself in the mirror, puts her hands over her face, and starts crying. Neighbor recently lost one of her maids, so she brings out the maid uniform for Inga to try; it fits. She can't do anything about Inga's dark eyes or complexion, so it's decided she should try to keep her head down and try to remain unobtrusive when visitors appear. "It'll be all right," she tries to reassure the weeping Inga. "Your family's safe. And it won't always be like this. It has to change, sometime." Inga is unconvinced; she retires to her new bedroom to cry herself to sleep.

Dobermann, meanwhile, is left dealing with the remaining details on his own. Hesse does what he can to distract Addy from her woes while Dobermann tries to process what happened. Holt and the help staff are feeling quite anxious about the turn of events--now that Dobermann knows what's been going on, they're afraid he'll put a stop to their activities, and perhaps even report them since he's friends with members of the SS. At the very least, the loss of the Dobermann estate from the Diamond Network's escape route would be a devastating blow--especially if he then decides to grant access to the Nazis, instead. So when Dobermann shows up in the kitchen (the hub of escape activity), the staff fall still and stare at him nervously. He glares back at them for a moment--they're positive he's going to order an end to their collaboration--when he walks over to a pantry and opens it. He steps within, moves some storage items out of the way, pushes a shelf aside. The staff, who've crowded around the entry, are surprised to see a doorway here--no one, not even Holt, previously knew of its existence. Dobermann opens it and shows them the narrow passage hidden behind; "From now on, use this way only," he says; "The other may be compromised." He closes and conceals the passage again and departs; that's it, that's all he has to say. The help staff sigh in relief. Although Dobermann himself appears to want to play no part in it, the secret escape effort through his household will continue.

Dobermann is understandably quite pissed off when Diamant makes another appearance at his house, wanting to talk to him; Holt has to make sure he's not going to punch Diamant, or worse, before giving them privacy. Diamant explains what's become of Inga, to put any of Dobermann's worries to rest; Dobermann responds by just glaring at him. Somewhat nonplussed, Diamant starts to describe how he's heard of Dobermann allowing the Network to continue using his property, when Dobermann interrupts him with, "Tell me why it is you're here, before I throw you out." Diamant misinterprets Dobermann's hostility as antisemitism and says, "I understand why you may have issues dealing with me--" when Dobermann, seeing the misunderstanding immediately, again cuts him off with, "I hate you for taking my wife away from our daughter. That's the issue I have with you." So, now Diamant knows exactly where he stands (and suppresses a pang of guilt), and says, "Fair enough." He mentions how effectively Dobermann dealt with quashing the investigation, even ensuring the cooperation of a wildcard like Hesse; Dobermann additionally holds a lot of sway with the Nazis and the public, given his charitable donations and his association with Dannecker. (Diamant notices the way Dobermann wrinkles his nose at the mention of the commandant's name.) "Your point?" Dobermann says; Diamant replies that this is a charade it'd be beneficial for him to continue, for his family and for the Network: Despite the SS's (unintentional) collusion, there will still be questions from the other Nazis over the loss of one of their own, and there's already suspicion of Inga herself (later in the story, it's obvious at least a little of this is passed on by Heidenreich's wife, Eva). Dobermann's skepticism of Diamant's suggestion wanes as he listens and realizes he can't afford to sit back and do nothing anymore; but rather than actively push back against the Nazis, Diamant explains it'd be better for him to play nice with them as he'd already been doing--feign magnanimity should they apologize over Inga's death, befriend more of them, welcome them to his house (while keeping the Network apprised of when and where they'll be). While he's doing all this, it'll lessen any suspicions...plus he can gather information from them, which the Network can use. Dobermann makes no promises, doesn't agree to anything, though Diamant can tell the gears in his head are spinning; he readies himself to go, thanking Dobermann for at least allowing the Network to continue using his house, to which Dobermann responds, "That was for Inga. Now get out."

Diamant visits Inga to let her know Dobermann and Addy--and Hesse, and Schäfer (who, like Addy, missed all the drama and so isn't in on the plot)--are all right, but she's still crushed, assuming her own husband must surely hate her now. When Dobermann stops by to visit Neighbor and clear up a few details, she hears his voice and crouches in the stairway, peering down into the room but unable to go to him as it's still too risky plus she can't think of what to say. When she hears him leave, she hurries upstairs and to a window overlooking the path heading in the direction of the Dobermann property to watch him go. He just happens to glance back at the house, spots her, and stops, turning around. The two of them stare at each other. Then, Dobermann raises his hands, and signs: I LOVE YOU. Inga takes in a breath, eyes watering, and signs back, I LOVE YOU. Dobermann looks at her a moment more before turning and walking away. Neighbor finds Inga at the window and escorts her away in case anyone else sees her, but at the moment she doesn't care--finally she knows for sure. Dobermann doesn't care that she's Jewish, that she never told him, that she opened up his household to a world of trouble. He still loves her.

Although it makes his skin crawl, Dobermann takes Diamant's advice. When a Nazi official stops by to express condolences and promise such a thing will never happen again, he accepts the apology, and consents to a small group of them paying a visit to discuss things. Just as Diamant had predicted, they're so relieved not to have incurred Dobermann's wrath that their suspicions about the odd incident quickly fade; additionally, he makes another series of donations, including to a nearby Lebensborn maternity home, to further smooth things over. (He avoids donating to any overtly violent or propaganda causes.) The regular German citizens adore him (and the "deceased" Inga) as the benefactors of the city; the Nazis, believing he's on their side, praise him as a fellow traveler and benefactor of the Reich. And meanwhile, the Diamond Network knows the truth, that he's an informant for the resistance; among them, and despite Inga's background, they become known as Saint Louis and Saint Inga, or more cryptically, the King and Queen of Hearts. Despite knowing this, Network members also know they have to help maintain the facade, and so spread rumors about the Dobermann family's Nazi connections and murky bits of info about Dobermann himself possibly engaging in acts of violence. His largely reclusive nature only helps with this impression; nobody can say they truly know him.

This ruse works so well that when the Allied forces officially get involved, they can't tell for sure what Dobermann's true alliances are; he really does look like a benefactor of the Nazis. They send in a spy to try to get to the bottom of things: Stephen Gerhardt, seemingly a Wehrmacht sergeant who's been injured and requested an easy posting at the Dobermann estate while he recovers, in reality a Jewish American soldier who's already gotten a look at what the Nazis are up to with all those trains. He's instructed to establish contact with the Diamond Network while getting to know the members of the household and try to figure out why Hesse is even there. He gradually gets to know Addy, Helmstadt, honorary Wehrmacht member Senta Werner, and Nazi Wehrmacht visitor Wilhelm Volker, and after learning that Holt and Schäfer are connected to the Network, at last makes contact with Diamant, who thinks he's ignorant but grudgingly helps him out. He finds Holt, Schäfer, and Senta agreeable enough; Helmstadt is stiff and unsociable, Addy keeps a cautious distance and is hard to get to know, and Dobermann himself is near impossible to get a read on. Hesse rightfully distrusts Gerhardt, but ironically, Schäfer's vouching for him lowers his defenses somewhat. Volker is the friendliest of the bunch, being a new visitor to the estate and showing obvious interest in Addy...except she's developed a serious crush on Hesse since the loss of her mother, and rebuffs anyone else's overtures. (Although he still has unresolved feelings for Inga, Hesse has by now fallen in love with a nightclub singer, Sophie Sommer, and Addy spends her days moping over this, wishing she were fair and blond and blue eyed unlike her mother--she has no idea Hesse loved Inga as well.)

An aside here: Love is a complicated, messy theme in this story, with a few characters loving more than one person--Hesse harbors genuine feelings for both Inga and Sophie, while Inga herself loves Dobermann first of all, but later on also loves Josef Diamant; also to a lesser extent there's Lukas Mettbach/Gret Dannecker/Lukas's unnamed former love, and Klemper/Ratdog/Baswitz. I find this rather bothersome--unless it's a consenting polyamorous situation, I personally believe in monogamy--but I guess love just isn't that clean cut. Here's some dialogue from a WIP scene after Inga and Diamant end up together:

Diamant: "You have no idea, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do this. Dreamed of doing this. Ever since I met you you lay with me in all my deepest dreams at night, but the dream was never as good as the reality. To the ends of the earth I would've followed you, willingly, to do this, to make that dream real. A million times over."

Inga: "You had a chance, long ago."

Diamant: "No...I didn't. You still loved him then. Maybe even you still love him now. I think you do. I don't mind. I know feelings like that don't simply die when one's love is gone. Even though I've only ever felt that for one person. Especially for that reason. If you were to go tomorrow, I'd love you still. I'd love you always."

Inga: "I truly do love you, Josef."

Diamant: "I know. I believe you. And you still love him too. Life is complicated."

Anyway...Gerhardt has lots of trouble trying to get on Dobermann's and Addy's good side, and although the Network communicates with him, they don't give up what they know about Dobermann's true alliances as they aren't 100% sure they can trust him. A good deal of the story is spent on Gerhardt passing time on the estate getting to know the odd ways they do things (within the confines of the Dobermann property, it's almost like a safe neutral zone where the war isn't even occurring, with most of the guests not caring who is Jewish or Nazi or not, though there are rare exceptions like when Heidenreich pays a surprise visit and Hesse quickly hides Schäfer from him). He slowly gains their trust, though it's frequently in danger of being lost again, such as when Addy gives up her hopes of Hesse falling in love with her and she and Gerhardt end up together; Hesse is surprised to find Gerhardt in her room the next morning, and corners him in the hallway, promising to put a bullet in his neck if he ever upsets her. Somehow Dobermann finds out as well; all he does is give Gerhardt a withering death glare, but it's enough to cow him. There are signs, however, that Dobermann is letting down his own defenses just a tiny bit; at one point he invites Gerhardt to join him in the parlor away from everyone else, and briefly explains the role he's been granted by the residents of the city and how hollow it rings in the face of things (taking off his honorary watchman's hat as an illustration)--people like himself are becoming part of the past, obsolete, as newer viewpoints take over, and whether this is a good or a bad thing, he can't say for sure. It's a surprisingly intimate admission, though Gerhardt still isn't sure what sort of person Dobermann really is.

True allegiances at last start to become known as the war comes to a head and tensions rise even on the Dobermann estate. What tips off Gerhardt about where Dobermann stands is when he comes upon Gerhardt talking with Josef Diamant in the house; Gerhardt expects a confrontation, but all that Dobermann does is say to Diamant, "Get out of my chair." It soon becomes clear that, despite Dobermann's desire to remain reclusive, he and Diamant have had to remain in close contact all this time, with Dobermann reporting on what information he's gleaned from his associations with the Nazis and, like Inga, making sure they're kept away from Network activities under his roof. It's clear to Gerhardt now that Dobermann is no Nazi and no fellow traveler as even the Diamond Network's rumors say; pretty much apolitical, he's been collaborating with the resistance since Inga's "death," largely motivated by his desire for revenge for the Nazis breaking apart his family. (Though he's still pissed off at Diamant for that, too.) He'd suspected from the start that Gerhardt is an Allied spy, but of course couldn't trust him; one detail that began to convince him was the concern Gerhardt showed for Addy. As for Addy...she's a lot more complicated. Gerhardt tries to get through to her, to convince her that Hesse has misled her this entire time and, far from being the honorable person she's always believed he is, is actively involved in the slaughter of countless innocent people. Even if it's true, Addy desperately tries to cling to the story that these people aren't innocent, they betrayed the Fatherland and so surely deserve some of what they get--the SS is just performing a necessary evil. Gerhardt is frustrated trying to convince her otherwise, but growing evidence from numerous other sources such as Dr. Schäfer, Lukas Mettbach, and Maj. Jan Delbrück, adjutant of the labor camp (he runs into Addy at Sophie's nightclub and later on offers to let her see inside the camp as proof of what's happening--he's the one who informs her there's no way Hesse is ignorant of the mass executions, since the SS is behind them) starts wearing down her defenses. An uncharacteristically sharp rebuke from Dobermann himself when Addy mentions how Germany was betrayed--"There was no stab in the back. I was there, you were not. We simply lost"--hits especially hard.

Josef Diamant reveals himself to her--she'd actually met him before, in disguise--but she refuses to take his word; growing frustrated like Gerhardt, he invites her to Unnamed Neighbor's house to meet someone. Addy has no idea the "someone" is her own mother, who's been alive all this time, but what's more shocking is that she's Jewish. Addy had had evidence of this--finding the Star of David in Inga's locket, which she was given by Dobermann--but hadn't been willing to believe what it most likely meant. Her own mother telling her that she's part Jewish, too--plus Dobermann is guilty of breaking the race laws--is more than she can handle, and she flees. She doesn't report the meeting, but Inga returns instead to the Dobermann estate and runs across Dobermann; they stare at each other a moment before Dobermann embraces her, hard. Addy realizes that everything Gerhardt and Diamant have said is true--and not only her mother but her father was in on it all, too. It's overwhelming, but she doesn't have much time to dwell on it before Hesse arrives at the estate, and discovers that Inga is still alive--and is Jewish. (Gerhardt is just learning this, and so is Schäfer and everyone else who wasn't involved--so yeah, it's pretty confusing.) Although stunned to see his old friend alive, Hesse manages to warn the Dobermanns not to flee as he has to take them into custody. A dispute breaks out with guns pointing every which way; Volker gets wounded, and when Hesse hesitates to shoot when Addy jumps in front of her parents, Helmstadt attempts to shoot instead--although not a member of the Nazi Party, he still believes in the race laws, and finding out that fellow Junker Dobermann broke these laws infuriates him. Volker shoots him, and Diamant shoots Hesse, Addy crying out in grief. They hear additional Wehrmacht forces approaching and so the Dobermanns, Diamant, Gerhardt, and Schäfer escape through the passages while Holt, Senta, and Volker stay behind to try to protect the staff. (Senta's father, who'd previously socialized with Dobermann but has since been radicalized, had caught wind of rumors about Inga and tipped the Nazis off.) Diamant leads the group into the countryside and then into the foothills where Lukas catches up with them: He's rounded up the horses from the Dobermann stables, and hands them off--Addy cries when she's given Gewitter, Hesse's Waffen-SS mare. Diamant then puts Gerhardt in charge and departs with Lukas to help the Network; now able to move faster, the group heads into the mountains. Dobermann has traveled here before and so leads them to a small mountain town he's familiar with, which has largely escaped the attention of the Nazis; they decide to remain here until certain that the situation down toward the city is stable.

Their stay becomes permanent. Gerhardt manages to get news of what's happened in their absence: The Dobermann estate was overrun by the Nazis, but Holt's, Volker's, and Senta's efforts delayed them enough to successfully protect the staff; the three fled, splitting up along the way, but have all survived, with Volker and Senta picking up her mother (leaving her turncoat father behind) and ending up together. Holt surrendered, but the Network vouched for him, and he made himself useful by translating for the Allied forces that overtook the city. Most of the SS forces that remained, such as Hesse's associate Master Sgt. Theodor Schulte, were captured or killed; those who were smart, like Wozniak and Delbrück, escaped early and disappeared, presumably going into hiding. (Heidenreich had been killed some time before, by his wife and her lover, who were executed and committed suicide.) Sophie, learning of Hesse's death, committed suicide. Unnamed Neighbor and the other Junkers who assisted the resistance were guaranteed safety and allowed to keep their property. The commandant of the labor camp and Dannecker's successor, Lt. Col. Hasso Reinhardt, turned off the electric fences and opened the gate, then waited for the Allies to come capture him; those prisoners who were too weak/sick to flee on their own were rescued while Reinhardt was taken into custody (he later goes to prison). (Americans reach the city first in my version, even though I've read that IRL they liberated none of the camps; not sure if that's true.) Following the final defeat of the Third Reich, American forces are left in control of the city; unfortunately, Diamant was captured by remaining SS forces shortly before this happened and forced on a train to be transported to one of the remaining camps for extermination. It's a painful blow which hits the Dobermanns especially hard, considering everything he did for them over the years.

Dobermann is still considered a hero by the majority of those in the city; the Network lets the truth out that he actively aided the resistance against the Nazis, and the Allies permit public recognition of this. The city folk dedicate a memorial to him as Watchman of the City, though Dobermann himself declines to leave the mountain town to attend; he never cared about public recognition, all he cares about now is his family, which gains a member when Gerhardt and Addy decide to marry. Addy requests one thing, that "von Dobermann" remain part of her surname, so the family name won't completely disappear; Gerhardt agrees. When Dobermann hears of this he says nothing, though the look on his face makes it clear the gesture has touched him.

The Dobermann estate is left, temporarily at least, to the remains of the Diamond Network, to deal with handling remaining refugees; the help staff feed and supply them. Gerhardt and Addy are wed in a small ceremony in the mountain town; a few days later, a package arrives, addressed to Adelina Dobermann. Inside are two beautiful golden rings and a playing card--a jack of diamonds. Addy and Inga are elated: Somehow, Josef Diamant survived, and has sent a belated handmade gift. Some time later he comes to the mountain town himself and sets up a small jeweler's shop to replace the one the Nazis destroyed; Gret Dannecker comes to work for him, then eventually Lukas Mettbach as well. Dr. Schäfer, meanwhile, bids the Dobermanns a bittersweet farewell; now that it's again safe for him to merely exist, he decides to return to the city to see all the things he's missed. He promises to visit and keep in touch, and removes his Judenstern, giving it back to Inga: "It feels strange without it, like going without a cover on my head...but I don't need a security blanket anymore." He thanks the Dobermanns for everything they've done--"You're truly the family I never had the chance to have, and you will always remain my family"--before leaving.

...Now...why, earlier, did I provide a story excerpt where Inga and Diamant are together, when Dobermann survives the war and he and Inga and Addy are reunited? The reunion is only temporary, and in actuality the Dobermanns have only about a year or so left together; this detail hits me hard, Dobermann went through so much, spent so much time apart from his beloved Inga, that it just doesn't seem fair that it barely lasts. 😞 But thus goes the story. After entering Diamond Network custody, while confiding her fears to Diamant, Inga kissed him; Diamant broke the kiss only reluctantly, saying, "You're a very beautiful woman. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't... (*trails off*) But I know you love your husband. And I know you'd never forgive yourself if we went through with this." Ashamed, Inga never tried again. Fast-forward. Some time after the war's end, a rumor reaches them that a Nazi medical experiment, known as Project Doomsday, did not end with the war--a handful of Nazis fled to the Alpine Fortress, taking with them the notes left by the SS doctors, and have been continuing the project under a new name, Ultima Thule. Gerhardt and the others had actually come across evidence of this while fleeing to the mountains, when the Waffen-SS forces they encountered along the way proved to be almost impossible to fend off; they'd assumed they were under the influence of methamphetamine, but this is something far worse. Doomsday's original goal was merely to increase a person's strength, intelligence, and stamina, to create a sort of super soldier; Ultima Thule's goal is to achieve immortality itself. When Gerhardt, the Dobermanns, Diamant, and Lukas head to the Fortress to figure out what's going on, they learn that the immortality part of the project is already well under way: While retreating, the Nazis took Hesse's and Helmstadt's bodies with them, and now here they are again, seemingly alive and well.

They don't directly respond to or even seem to recognize their former associates, however, and just blindly attack whenever the group runs across them. Eventually the Allies figure out that this version of immortality lasts only as long as the brain is intact, which explains how to kill a super soldier (and explains why someone like Schulte, who was shot in the head, wasn't included in the experiment); also, there's a drug that counters the hypnotic effect, restoring Hesse's and Helmstadt's consciousness. Helmstadt is still every bit a racist Nazi-ish a-hole who keeps attacking them afterwards, though when Hesse "wakes up," he's bewildered and confused, especially to learn that the Third Reich collapsed quite a while back and most of his comrades are dead or missing. Learning of the deaths of Schulte and Sophie is exceptionally painful, and his reaction is to assume that this leaves him obsolete, with nothing left to fight for; plus, being confronted by the Dobermanns, now that he knows who and what they are and remembers how he acted previously, racks him with guilt; he still hasn't let go of all his old bigotry but he's seen enough for it to be crumbling at the edges. (Even while alive, he'd seen the growing corruption and hypocrisy in the SS and had been planning to leave them in favor of marrying and settling down with Sophie.) He especially hates the impact he's had on Inga and Adelina (the formerly affectionate, adoring Lina cringes away from him now), so he doesn't care if anyone kills him or if the project succeeds or fails. He just wants to not exist anymore.

Gerhardt convinces him he may in fact have a reason to help them terminate the project. Hesse has a strange recollection of when he died, which includes a period of darkness, fear, and confusion that felt like it went on forever, followed by a dim vision of what looked like Sophie, standing in the sunlight looking back at him. Although he lost most of his own faith long ago, Gerhardt theorizes that this might not have been the dream Hesse thought it was. If there's at least the slightest chance Sophie is waiting for him somewhere, wouldn't that make helping them out worth it? Although skeptical, Hesse finally agrees, though he states that more than for himself, he wants to repay Inga, and especially Adelina, for the way he harmed them. He joins the rest of the group as they navigate through the mountain fortress, at one point at last telling Inga the truth: "I loved you once...for a long time. I never said. I knew you didn't feel the same. And that was all right, as long as I could call you my friend." Inga quietly replies, "I always knew."

With Hesse no longer leading them, Helmstadt assumes command of the Nazi soldiers defending the project. They thwart every attempt to reach headquarters to destroy the project so it's determined that the only way to put an end to it is to destroy the Fortress itself. This involves making and strategically placing explosive devices, which is easier said than done; while Dobermann and Diamant are attempting this, they're attacked, and both end up sliding down to the edge of a cliff. Diamant tries pulling Dobermann up higher, but all this does is drag him further down. He ignores Dobermann's demand that he let him go or else both of them will fall and they won't be able to finish placing the explosives. After a few seconds of arguing, Dobermann pauses, looks down, then looks back up at Diamant, his eyes afraid but resolved. "Look after her," he says. "What--?" says Diamant, confused--when Dobermann suddenly twists Diamant's right hand, which suffered nerve damage when Dannecker stabbed him long ago. Diamant lets go without meaning to, crying out as Dobermann disappears from sight--then he too suddenly slips and starts to go over the edge when something grabs his other arm. Looking back, he finds Hesse holding on to him; Hesse manages to pull him back from the cliff, and they sit staring at the darkness for a moment. Diamant opens his hand and looks at it, then holds it toward Hesse, dropping something in his palm; it's Dobermann's wedding ring. "You give it to her," Diamant says; "It'll mean more coming from you."

Inga and Addy are understandably grief stricken when the two return without Dobermann. Hesse returns his ring and Inga crumples to the ground, Addy with her. They don't have much time to grieve however as someone has to manually set off the detonation--they can't time it, lest Helmstadt find and disarm it first. One of them will have to remain behind. Lukas volunteers, as he has no family--"You f**kers killed 'em all," he says to Hesse. (Hesse had nothing to do with Lukas's clan being killed, but he did get a large group of Lukas's fellow Sinti sent to their deaths, as revenge for Lukas attacking him previously.) Something seems to click in Hesse's head, and he volunteers instead. Addy tries to convince him not to--"I already lost Papa, what'll I do without you, too?"--but he's resolved. (I should point out that even if he returns with them, he'll be executed anyway. I don't think this occurs to Addy.) "You've all grown up," he says; "and you grew up right, despite me. Take care of your mother now, ja? She needs you."

Lukas is skeptical of Hesse's promise to set off the explosives--and presumably kill himself at the same time--but Diamant and Gerhardt take a risk in trusting him--"I know it won't undo everything else I did, but even if it's just one small right thing..."--and they leave, fleeing the Alpine Fortress to make their way back to the foothills. Hesse stays with the detonator. As expected, Helmstadt arrives and first attempts to talk Hesse out of doing what he's doing by convincing him that the continuation of Project Ultima Thule can usher in a Fourth Reich, even more glorious than the last. "It's over! It's done with. We're the ones who are obsolete. We're the Untermenschen," Hesse says, which enrages Helmstadt and he tries to attack. Both of them are on the experimental serum, so their strength and reflexes are enhanced--Hesse is physically stronger and more experienced, while Helmstadt is younger and in better shape. Hesse briefly manages to lock Helmstadt out of the room the detonator is in (he keeps looking at his watch, then at a clock on the wall, to make sure he gives the group enough time to escape safely), but Helmstadt eventually breaks in the door, positively berserk with rage, and attacks again--Hesse tries taking the brunt of the blows to distract him from the detonator, which begins weakening him considerably. (The blows, not the detonator. Heh.) When Helmstadt compares his betrayal to that which led to Imperial Germany's defeat, Hesse loses his temper and, to his own surprise, yells, "There was no betrayal! No stab in the back! I was there, you were not. We simply lost!" He notices the time and makes a move for the detonator--Helmstadt prevents him from reaching it, but only temporarily, and he at last shoves down the plunger. A faint rumbling comes from far off, in both directions. "What have you done?" Helmstadt cries, and runs. Hesse sits by the detonator and listens with growing fear as the rumblings get closer and louder, bits of the icy ceiling and walls starting to crumble and fall around him. The rumblings quickly grow into a cascading roar. (Out in the passageway, Helmstadt sees the collapse heading his way and turns to run back, only to find it coming at him from that direction too.) Hesse looks up as a loud CRACK sounds from above; seeing the ceiling split open and then come plunging down at him, he shuts his eyes and whispers, "Sophie."

Outside, heading to the mountains' edge, the group hears a muffled boom, and they turn to look back. They watch silently as more booms sound to both sides, drawing closer to the center point where they left Hesse, puffs of snow rising into the air each time part of the Fortress collapses. When the final, midsection implodes, Inga and Addy cover their faces and weep, Addy murmuring, "Papa...Uncle Gunter." "I can't believe he actually did it," Lukas admits. After a pause, Gerhardt and Diamant urge them to keep going in case of avalanches, and they slowly make their way back down out of the mountains.

Earlier, while they were trying to get information on Ultima Thule and had established contact with the ground via a radiotelegraph system they found in the Fortress, several other allies and members of the former Diamond Network, including Gret, Schäfer, Senta, Volker, Holt, and Trudi Detzer (this last party, while not a core member of the Network, had a bit of knowledge about the project as an SS doctor she'd been involved with was active in its development), had gathered at the Dobermann estate to await news. At one point Schäfer stiffens and stares off into space; "What is it?" Holt asks, at which Schäfer says, "You didn't feel it?...the world trembled." He tries to brush it off as just his imagination, but the others share a look. A good while later, Gret, watching through binoculars, reports seeing the group returning--"Herr Dobermann isn't with them," she adds, ominously. When the group finally arrives, exhausted and discouraged, they confirm that while the project is almost certainly done with for good, Dobermann (and Hesse) gave his life to make it so. Schäfer and the help staff are devastated. After clearing up the final details, Inga and Addy decide to return to their new homes in the mountain town, for now leaving the estate as it is, in the hands of the Network which is still helping victims of the Nazis get back on their feet; Inga will make sure the staff continue to be paid and the property maintained, though she can't bear to stay there without Dobermann.

Addy and Gerhardt accept an offer from Schäfer to pay a brief visit to the city: "There's something I'd like you to see before you go." He leads them to the city square, the same location Hesse and Delbrück dueled in long ago. There's something that's new since Gerhardt's last time in the city, prior to its fall to the Allies: A statue, bearing the legend Wächter der Stadt--Watchman of the City. It's Dobermann, wearing the cap he once told Gerhardt was so symbolic yet meaningless. Enthralled, Addy returns to the estate and begs her mother to come see before she returns to the mountains; Inga is reluctant, but she goes. The sight of the memorial brings tears to her eyes. She'd intended to just quietly return to her new home and aside from paying the staff, leave all management of her husband's estate to the Network; but the statue sparks a memory, how Dobermann had also wanted to just be left in peace, to not get involved, yet had to, because of her. She arranges further charitable donations to the city, to help with the ongoing post-war cleanup, various victimized groups who need assistance, and the same hospital Dobermann had donated to following the Great War. The recipients of the donations are surprised--with Dobermann's death, they'd had no reason to expect any ongoing help--but Inga makes certain it's so, if only to keep her husband's legacy alive in some way. Once this is sorted out, everyone parts ways, and the Dobermanns and Gerhardt return to their new homes.

Despite Dobermann's own final request to "Look after her" (as perceptive as ever, he'd noticed the way Diamant and Inga acted around each other), Diamant never tells her of this, and decides it's for the best if he lets her go and they move on with their lives. He lives in the same town, at his new jewelry shop with Gret as his assistant, and says an occasional hallo when he and Inga happen to cross paths, but that's it. Lukas visits the town while taking an odd job (traumatized and missing his old itinerant life, he prefers to keep on the move) and berates Diamant for not following through; he goes to visit Inga himself, and tells her that it wasn't Hesse who lost hold of Dobermann, it was Diamant--and Dobermann had told him to look after her. Inga has long had feelings for Diamant, and he for her, but aside from the single kiss they shared years ago--which Diamant cut off, and Inga agonized over ever since--they never once acted on them--she wonders how Dobermann even guessed. She goes to visit Diamant, and the scene quoted above takes place. Inga then asks why he never told her about Dobermann's request.

Diamant: "I know. I believe you. And you still love him too. Life is complicated. Your husband was a good man. I'm sorry it took us all so long to see. Probably that was his intent, to protect you and Addy. Maybe he never could have truly understood you, or us, but he was a good man nonetheless."

Inga: "I know. I still miss him. I'm sorry...I thought I was ready for this."

Diamant: "It's all right. I...I can give you some space, if you need. You can stay in here and I can go to the den..."

Inga: "No. It's fine. Bitte, stay. You have far more reason to grieve than I do."

Diamant: "I don't see it that way. You lost your love; I still have mine."

Inga: "Yet you lost everything else you had, everything and everyone you knew. They even tried to make you lose yourself. My life has been comfort compared to yours. I had a visitor a while back. He called himself Lukas. Said he knew you, from the Network and from the camps. His eyes were so strange, brown and blue, and so tired and sad. He had numbers on his arm same as you. He told me what Louis had told you before he...before. He told you to look after me. Why did you never say anything? Why did you never come for me?"

Diamant: "I knew you weren't ready. And I don't believe I was, either."

Inga: "Would you have ever come for me? If Herr Lukas had never spoken up? I never would have known. I would have remained in your dreams only, forever."

Diamant: "You needed time to mourn. I'm not sure how long I should've waited. I didn't want to overstep. I'm wondering if I did, anyway."

Inga: "Of course you didn't. Bitte, I only just found you again, Josef. Don't go."

Diamant: "I'm not. I just...I'm not good at this. Never have been, but the past several years have made it even harder."

Inga: "You're doing fine, to me."

Diamant: "Even if the two of us understand each other...there's just a lot I'm not sure you can ever understand. No one can, unless you've been through it, too. I didn't mean to get into this. I'm sorry."

Inga: "It's all right. I don't mind. If you ever feel like telling me anything..."

Diamant: "This is just it. I'm not sure I could. Do you think that's something you could live with? Someone with a side they can never tell you about. Not really because I wish to hide it from you. But because for some things, there are just no words. At least, none I can think of."

Inga: "That was sort of the way things were between Louis and myself. Except I was the one without the words."

Diamant: "Ja, well...I'm not sure it's quite the same. Forget it for now. I always planned to come looking for you, I just...didn't know when. I guess I owe Lukas for that."

And that's where the writing leaves off, for now. Inga and Diamant become a couple, even though she never does fall completely out of love with Dobermann; I do believe he's her true love, which even Diamant acknowledges and accepts: "I know feelings like that don't simply die when one's love is gone."

I don't know yet if Gerhardt and Addy ever have any children, but whether he has heirs or not, Dobermann's best-known nickname, at least, lives on upon the statue down in the city square. He never fights in the second war, but dies a hero anyway.

I had him figured out COMPLETELY wrong all those decades. Sorry for doubting you, Dobey.

[Louis Dobermann 2022 [‎Friday, ‎October ‎28, ‎2022, ‏‎4:15:36 AM]]

[Louis Dobermann 2022 2 [Friday, ‎October ‎28, ‎2022, ‏‎4:15:45 AM]]

[pedropascalunofficial]

@thesweetestdecline

I'm guessing if that's your defence then you don't have support around you. I'm sorry you're only finding out now what your friends are like.

Ms Peacock used some of us too. Pretending that she was a friend so we'd share info we'd found for fun with her. She seemed so cool and would share info with us so we wanted to gather more for her. Then we realised Ms Peacock was just using us to build her gossip blog. She was trading our info between us to keep us motivated. Using us. Encouraging us to go further and further into rabbit holes so she could share tiny bits of tea and get noticed by acquaintances of Pedro's who might give her something credible and news worthy. (We have major regrets, so we decided to do something positive instead.)

She has zero real friends in this fandom. R*sa is just for access to real estate resources and coz shes in Sebastianos dms too. Col Mustard is used for his access to and distribution of unlicenced pics and his access to 4k software. W*key S**l is just because she's good at searching for info. Hol C*rm*n is just because she used to live near him, and they share friends.

Look around. Everyone has a role to play. You're just a commodity to her until you aren't and then you're out on your arse with a poor defense.

So let's discuss who is dishonest here.

Is it me, the person who has provided evidence for each point made in a call out post? Who has held on to evidence which has been provided by multiple people who for years have been victims to you guys' bullshit, harassment and bullying.

I've owned up to crossing many lines in trying to find info on my fav, but I owned it and changed my ways. I used the info to help people. It doesn't make me a good person or absolve me from it. I'm a terrible person, but I'm honest about it and tried to make amends and protect people.

Or is it you who is dishonest?

With your piss poor defense of some really dark shit?

With your copycat IG account (of an account that just got deleted🤔) that causes you so much frustration you attack people for not liking it?

With your yo-yo follower counts? These were all taken yesterday.

8:50 am - 69.8k

2:10 pm - 70.2k. This is a gain of 4000 in 5 hours and 20 minutes. Wow. That has to be a record.

11:25 pm - 69.4k

Those bots just keep getting wiped huh? That's tough coz they're expensive. It's worth it is you can reign supreme though right?! Maybe if you're at the top with no competition that'll make all this shit worth it.

Buying followers to ensure your fake “supremacy.” Your engagement is less than 5% of your “followers,” when it should be double that for genuine organic followers. Just sayin

Your repost the other day was a fuck up on my part. You ever wonder why people have pulled their stories of your stuff early. Yeah, sorry but no one wants to be seen near you when they're reminded you were the one who was blocked and why. (Btw, It’s just a button love. He pressed a button and unblocked you. Doesn't clear you of shit. Some ppl just don't like the bad energy blocks bring.) Coco was informed how bad the fandom is. She was appalled. She muted her messages a while later so when she shared we couldn't get through the same channel on time. Then Pedro shared it and it was too late. Shit happens. (These posts will save me so much work in future.) It's not about keeping you down btw. It's about warning ppl they're being used and tracked. That's not a nice feeling. Maybe you guys could stop now you see ppls responses to hearing and seeing this.

It was just a fuck up. Like the pic Col Mustard got shared. (Don’t think I've forgotten about you👋) Everybody makes mistakes sometimes. 🤷‍♀️

By the way, I'm well aware I sound full on insane with these posts. I don't give a fuck coz it's all worth it to let ppl know you've been a fucking nightmare for years.

No need to worry about my family btw. They're doing really well all things considered 💜 I'm not the one spending my life making Pedro Pascal my whole personality, wasting time at work on my fandom stuff or using my kids' issues as a defense for my bullshit.

Your phone looks great btw. Totally normal for a woman in their forties.

Oh and just a note. It's illegal to post pics from dms but since you've done it to me I'd like to take this opportunity to share this with you. Great timing on your part😁

At no time did I mention your name or indicate who you were in the storytime post. You outed yourself.

Links to the full Story Time series

STORY TIME - Clue

Why has Pedro Pascal's fandom turned to shit?

Ms Green, Ms Peacock and Col Mustard killed it with questionable actions in the chatroom.

(*Please note other characters, actions and locations were also involved but I'm too tired to compile it all rn coz you know ive got real life responsibilities✌️)

Let's begin at the start of the list.

1.01 Stalked him

• Ms Peacock asks

• Ms Green responds by lying to the OP flight attendant

1.02 Used It For Clout in order to gather more information

• Ms Peacock Posts

"so long-time mutual I talk to very occasionally DM'd me to say their cousin who works/lives at a certain Lake Louise hotel messaged that P checked in yesterday afternoon"

2.01 Tracked his and his friends activity

• Ms Peacock asks

• Ms Green answers

"I used an app to identify the red berries. They are highbush cranberries and the evergreen he posted on Sunday is of the juniper tree family. Jesus sometimes I question my sanity🤣"

Using a plant app to identify berries? You should question your sanity. That’s creepy and stalkerish.

2.02 The person got blocked and used the news for clout

They did not go through your tags....

Notes

Just to correct some info here. Your version is not the real story, this is....

• You commented on Artedepascals pic of Sebastianos dog. That isn't related to you being blocked by Sebastiano, but it does make things interesting for the readers at home who now wonder why you thought artedepascal's post might be relevant to that situation. Freudian slip, perhaps? She's done fuck all but block you. She blocked your IG account because she used to get bullied for displaying neurodivergent traits and you run a whole account doing just that. That pissed you off so you blamed Arte for the hate you were getting from a specific IP.

• You then went after Pascalisfrenchpunk when she reduced her interactions with your account yet continued to share artedepascal and others.

• Before I get to the real story, we need to talk about "the unhinged person", the one who sent you so much hate. You have said you have received multiple hateful and vicious anons from an account in a specific state. You blamed Arte for this in dms. I've explained your anons weren't Arte, and it's probably the "licence plate lady". You told me what state they originated from on your tracker. I've explained that Arte uses an VPN because she's cautious about trackers and Internet safety. I explained that Licence plate Lady lives in the same state and has been caught red handed sending hate filled asks to many people in the fandom. Licence Plate Lady has previously forgotten to put her asks anonymous and has abused others in the fandom. You refused to even consider the possibility of anyone else could be sending you hate and you focused on Arte. What's that about?

• The screenshots, account links, bios, were required to inform your supposed fav about your fucking bullshit that was intruding on his life. It's really quiet since, huh?! Yeah, your bullshit crossed a line.

Before you even try, don’t play the victim! You lot have been off the charts insane with the level of bullshit you've done, and Pedro and his friends have a right to protect themselves. They are not your playthings!

• You had interacted with Sebastiano using your personal account in dms and comments. Doing so made it easier for you to go unnoticed as a Pedro fan. He was trusting and interacted with you as he believed you were showing a genuine interest in him. Neither your account name nor content offended him enough to block you.

• Sebastiano blocked you after you sent him a New Yorker cartoon using your personal IG account. This allowed you to view his Instagram activity tracker, which shows a green dot when the account holder is online. You then cross-referenced this with Pedros instagram posts and likes which you noticed were unusually timed considering their possible locations. From this, you determined they were interacting privately. You told people what you were doing. Well, they contacted him to warn him. The reason he blocked your fan IG and not your personal IG which you used to track him is that he had deleted the dms and had no evidence except your admissions through tumblr which account had wronged him. Didn't you notice that his activity tracker was deactivated?

Clue - you guys killed it

Two questions

When it's written down in black and white, can you see this is all insane or are you just creating your defence?

Can you leave Artedepascal and Pascalisfrenchpunk2.0 alone now since they haven't done anything to you?

I would just like to add that I'm not happy about sharing any of this publicly, however this psychotic bullshit has to stop. It's taking a lot of effort to compile everything as there is so much work on so I'm sorry I'm slow. Thank you to everyone who has helped get peoples voices heard.

Storytime - Why did Pedro Pascal go quiet on socials?

Storytime - Deuxmoi

Storytime - Canada

[hacked-by-jake]

Can you write Jake comforting MC who is freaking out after that final episode 8 phone call? I am literally still shaking omg

>Episode 8 Spoiler!<

-

Headcanon

Summary:Jake comforts you / helps you after the call of the man without a face.

A/n: Hi, dear! I hope you are feeling better. Episode 8 was really exciting, especially the end... wow.

So, this isn’t so much, I hope you’ll like it anyway. I’m sorry again for the delay, I hope it wasn’t that bad.

I don’t think I have more to say xD

Excuse the mistakes, have fun, take care of yourselves and stay healthy.❤️🌹🎭

Putting even more people in even greater danger than they were before was exactly what you were afraid of.

After the phone call, Jake immediately worried the hell out of his mind about you, knowing that was your worst nightmare and it was now coming true.

And he knew full well that, if he wasn’t there for you now, you’d lose yourself. You’ll blame yourself and hate yourself.

And he couldn’t let that happen.

He wasn’t feeling well after the call himself. Hearing how your life was threatened let him get hot and cold at the same time. The little hairs of his arms stood on and he immediately felt sick.

Because this was also his greatest fear, his greatest worry. He was always glad you were far enough away from Duskwood, glad you promised him you wouldn’t go there. And yet he was tremendously disturbed by the current course.

No matter if you were at the other end of the world, his concern that something might happen to you broke his heart.

In the group chat, the others still wrote cluelessly, only satisfied that Jessy and Thomas could escape him.

If they knew about it...

But Jake doesn’t have time for that now! Now it was all about you and your well-being.

The call was about 3 minutes ago and you were still online but you hadn’t written a message yet which is why Jake’s taking over.

"MC?"

"I saw it too"

"Don’t worry, we will find a solution"

He didn’t know what the right words would be, he was afraid to say something wrong or not understand you properly.

He waited for two minutes but nothing happened, his concern grew, he had no idea what was happening to you.

"MC? Please answer me"

"I’m really worried about you"

Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.

The hacker felt like he was going crazy.

Another three minutes later, he still had no answer.

He slipped restlessly on his desk chair. His fingers repeatedly stroked the keyboard, typed words but then deleted them again.

He didn’t know what to do, should he give you time? Should he continue to write to you? What should he do?

He pushed another 5 messages but still no answer came.

And so it happened that he would throw all his principles overboard and call you. The voice distortion and cover his camera should be enough.

But despite the situation, he had to smile. What have you done to him that he is so in love?

He just couldn’t just sit there and wait, he couldn’t, he had to know how you were, if you’re okay, how you’re feeling.

His fingers dialed your number easier than he thought.

He knew them by heart. On his escape, and he doesn’t know how many times, he had thought of contacting you through an old phone booth, but that too was far too dangerous.

With every dull sound that showed that the call was made to you, made him more nervous and nervous.

Not even because he could hear your voice, but because he was afraid of your reaction.

He has to wait, for his taste, too long, until it suddenly crackled at the other end and then a trembling "Hello?" could be heard.

His heart broke, it broke into 10,000 pieces when he heard your whiny and desperate voice, it broke his heart and soul.

"MC" he croaked. His voice broke off, too shocked.

"Jake!" you cry painfully.

The hacker had to swallow before he could answer, fearing his voice would simply give up.

"I - I'm so sorry," he whispered.

And then, you broke out crying, crying terribly, and he listened to you quietly. He listened to you all crying out your grief and frustration, listening to how you were at the end, how sad and broken.

And every sob made him blink away slightly wet in his eyes himself.

You’re his biggest weakness...

Only when you murmured, "What have we done? What have I done?" did he speak again. He can hear so clearly how much you blame yourself.

"No, MC, it’s not your fault. It’s his fault, not yours," he said with a stronger ringing voice. He could only imagine how strange it sounded to you with the computer voice.

"Oh no? isn’t it? ISN'T IT?"

He flinched in front of his computer when your voice suddenly got a strength he hadn’t expected.

A bitter laugh shifted through the line and made him a little nervous.

"IT. IS. MY. FAULT! We should have stayed out of it from the start! We should have given the police everything we have and let them find Hannah!"

"MC, I promise you that we will find a solution!" he assured you, but unfortunately he was unsure about it himself.

"How? If we are all going to be dead?" you shout angrily and the hacker hardly tightens his jaw. What should he do? How best to help in such a situation?

"You’re angry," he murmurs, and makes you laugh bitterly again.

"I think, I have a deja-vu. Oh wait, we had the conversation 24 hours ago already!"

"MC, you have to listen to me," he pleaded.

"You can be angry, you can be angry, sad, afraid, you can scream, cry, anything you want. But don’t turn these emotions against yourself, turn it against the guilty, against the man without a face!"

Your anger rose, rose to the immeasurable, and you knew he was right, you knew it was too late. You knew you couldn’t go back.

"We have to tell the others," you mumble, your quick changes of mood confuse you, but who could blame you?

Unfortunately it was true, you had to tell the others.. you have to tell the others, and then you can keep crying. But the others are in Duskwood. They could be attacked immediately, so they were more important now than anything else.

"I can’t do this alone, Jake," you whisper broken.

And you didn’t have to do it alone.The hacker promised to keep talking to you all the time. He promised you that he would not leave you alone, that he would be there to help you.

He didn’t want to start this topic so quickly, he wanted to give you time and he tried to tell you that. But he also understood that you don’t want to waste time.

It was clear that everyone had to come together immediately; none of the others should let the others out of sight. Everyone has to stay together from now on, not be alone.

And you explain it to them from beginning to end.

An agreement can be reached quickly.

Every time you started crying again when you read the others messages, Jake was there for you. He promised you that everything would be okay, that he wouldn’t go.

He assured you that everything would go well, that he would do anything to keep you safe.

Even if you didn’t know how he wanted to do it, his words calmed you down, because you believe every single one of them. You believe it, you hear it in his voice.

The others were equally shocked and immediately agreed to your plan. The largest apartment of all, was Cleo’s. So they started packing their things and Thomas would pick them up one by one and go to Cleo.

The first shock was overcome, but your body was still shaking.

Of course, the worry was still there, and bigger than ever.

But Jake’s presence, even if it’s only on the phone, helped you.

And even after the others went offline, you don’t stop calling.

Without realizing it, the hacker managed to distract you, and for a few hours he managed to completely take you to another world. You were amazed at it.

At first, you were a little afraid you wouldn’t have enough talking points, but this was the most beautiful conversation you’ve ever had.

The themes came and went, one after the other.

No unpleasant breaks, no stops.

He took you to get something to eat from the small Chinese restaurant.

His voice kept giving you goosebumps, his quiet manner and the stories he told calmed you down. Your heart beat fast, your cheeks hurt from the smile and again and again your cell phone battery called that you need new power.

But none of you cared.

You were in another world, as if he had taken your hand, and you had gone away; for a few hours you were no one, only yourself.

In the beginning Jake still sounded very nervous but with time and little teasing from your side, he also became more open.

His voice became more normal, less nervous and his laughter louder.

And you can swear that his laughter was the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard.

As your phone call slowly draws to a close, you two try to keep it up somehow.

But the day was exhausting, you were tired and couldn’t finish a sentence without a yawn.

"Jake?" you ask carefully.

"Yes, MC?"

"I feel bad that I didn’t say it before. But shortly after you called me, the voice distorter stopped working."

Yeah, you could hear his real voice all the time, all the time you could hear him, the real Jake, not the hacker.

A slight laugh leaves his lips, sounds like balm in your ears.

Masterlist

"What brings you to the assumption, that it was by accident?"

[wornoutmouse]

May I request Ogun with a Black shy female reader doing a training session that leads to a little bit more 🙈

Anon please

You’re a second-generation pyrokinetic (Like Joker and Maki). Idk why but I made up in my head that you have flint-bottomed tap-dancing shoes that briefly light when you scrape your feet against the floor…..so that’s where you get your fire from 🤣🤣🤣

This one is a bit longer than normal cause i gotta build the tension

I am terrible at action scenes bruh

Chug- lift heels, slide forward, and then drop the heels at the end of the slide forwards

“Hey, Y/n!” You look up from the bland mashed potatoes and corn Company 5 had prepared. It was a hot Sunday morning and your partner in crime was as excited as ever. He stood a few feet away at the back entrance in the cafeteria. Cocking a thumb behind him, he dawns a toothy grin. “Want to play a quick game?” The game Ogun hinted at was one you were quite familiar with and one you should have known he would ask you to participate in today. “Fine, but don’t cry when I win.” You scoop another spoonful of corn before tossing your tray away for recycling. You’d need all your strength cause Ogun never lost without asking for back-to-back redos.

.You didn’t quite understand the need to be sweaty all the time, but always gave in to his whims

Ogun preferred to train in the field where the sun shined the most throughout the day at the far left of the Company. Often as you went on throughout your day-to-day training, you’d spot Ogun doing laps and practicing his attacks throughout the day.

“I’m feeling fired up today Y/n, you might want to be worried.” You close your eyes as you stretched an arm over your chest. You had yet to lose but you knew Ogun only saw that as a personal goal to get past. “Let’s get this over with, I’m tired.” The smell of smoke enters your nostrils giving you enough time to dodge Oguns boosted attack. “I told you about letting yourself known Mr. Montgomery.” You open your eyes, Oguns skin was lit ablaze with his pyrokinetic abilities.

From afar you’ve always admired the swirls that decorated his skin whenever you got amped up, and this time was no different. “I see you’re already using “Flaming Ink” what, you already scared?” Ogun widened his stance, glowing white eyes watching you shift your feet. “I’ve been working on a new move that I want to show you so why don’t you try your little fire trick.”

Curious, you scuff your shoe on the floor and draw your fire...only the fire doesn’t come. You do it again and the light goes out just as quick as it came. “What did you do?” You narrowed your eyes at Ogun. “Oh nothing, I’m just faster than you now.” You take a few steps back, “Oh that’s how you want to play it? Okay!” You take off running at the very edge of the field and Ogun is fast behind you. Internally you admit that he had gotten much faster, but a simple fact as that wasn’t going to make you lose.

Doing your best to maintain speed, you chug and draw the flames close to your chest out of Montgomery’s line of sight. It was small, mostly snuffed by the kick of your legs as you ran but it was big enough to get the job done. Similar to Ogun in his natural state, you too could throw projectiles just not as damage-inducing.

Turning around as you run, your eyes widen when Ogun appears just inches in front of you, “Surprise!” Your flame is snuffed and you tumble bringing Montgomery down with you. You prepare to feel your body be crushed by his muscled one but at the last minute your shoulders are grabbed and you flip again. The change in elevation causes you to lose a bit of focus, but you can still clearly feel Ogun cushion your fall.

“Oh wow, this looks like something out of an anime.” Ogun laughs when he finds himself lying flat on his back, you positioned comfortably on top of him. The position was completely ridiculous with your thighs straddling his stomach but you were thankful that you wouldn’t be in any sort of pain later.

“Looks like I’ll need to train harder huh?” You playfully punch Ogun’s shoulder. Even though the whole ordeal only lasted 6 minutes, you could feel your back drenched with sweat. While you couldn’t wait to get in the shower, Ogun seemed content with being in a salty state. “You’re dripping all over me you know?” Your head immediately snapped down to look at Ogun with wide eyes, “Excuse me?”

Ogun had a neutral look on his face not hinting at any humor behind his words. “You’re sweating really bad. Did little ole me get you all worked up?” He had to be teasing you at this point, but you couldn’t find a single crack in his facade. “Yeah well, maybe if you didn’t choose this big ass field with no trees I wouldn’t be 2 seconds from passing out.” You stand up, a bit wobbly, and help him up. “I’m going to go shower, you can stay out here if you want to.”

Ogun happily joins you on the way to the showers. You could hear his excitement from finally beating you. “Don’t get cocky, it was a one-time occurrence Ogun.” An arm is slung over your shoulder. In a smug tone, Ogun mocks you, “Don’t be mad cause you lost. You’ve had enough time to be cocky on your own terms.” You gasp mockingly before turning your head to spit back a remark but lose your breath from how close his face is to yours. At such close proximity, you become aware of small details. How his skin shinned in the sunlight, how Oguns eyes contained such a very specific hue of orange that they mimicked the fire of Sol almost precisely. You even wouldn’t be surprised if they would burn to the touch.

“What’s the matter, got nothing to say?” Out of instinct, you shove his head away with so much force he goes flying before landing on his ass. Before any questions are asked you deflect, “Gross I got your B.O all on my shoulders.” From behind Ogun scoffs, “How dare you, any other fine lady would be blessed to be near my manly musk.” Stifling a laugh you utter one final tease before slipping into the girl’s shower, “Yeah, manly must.”

It was endless labor as your captain followed you around, blowing that damn whistle. Given laundry duty, you had to take multiple shifts back and forth throughout each level of the building to collect everyone’s clothing. When you came across Ogun’s level your job was hindered as you were forced to wait as he sifts through his piles of dirty laundry, “Trush me Y/n, there’s a shirt that I accidentally put in here but it’s actually clean.” “Ogun if it’s in the dirty clothes then it’s dirty.” You try to haul his stuff out but he stops you. “I swear if you don’t move I’ll burn your stuff.”

Ogun chuckles, “You burn my clothes and it’ll catch your clothing as well.” Ogun reaches inside the pile you held pulling out a blank white T-shirt that looked annoyingly similar to the 12 other T-shirts you had watched him toss to the side. “Unless of course, you’re trying to go streaking which by all means I encourage you to.” You ignore his joke and pretend it doesn’t strike a certain feeling in your gut.

For your next task, you had to prepare different levels of activities for a group of 5th graders coming to the company the next day. Of course, Ogun would be assigned to the same task as well so while you worked diligently to bring equipment from the storage room, Ogun spent his time using each of the items incorrectly. “Please stop bouncing the footballs with the tennis racket before you get hurt.” Ogun ignored you as he dribbled with the racket. “Don’t be mad cause you’re not as creative as me.”

Well, as you predicted Ogun ends up getting punted in the face when he tries to toss the football in the hoop. Even though the sound it made on impact was loud and hollow, Ogun barely flinches when it ricochets. “Wow you seem pretty experienced with getting hit in the face with balls, you barely moved.” Ogun glared as he watched you pick up the football. Absentmindedly you spin the football as you speak, “You know if I didn’t know any bet-” Your speech is gargled when your mouth becomes stuffed.

While you weren’t watching Ogun through a basketball at your hand making you push the end of the football in your mouth. “Wow you seem pretty experienced with balls in your mouth, you gotta show me some time.” You cradle your mouth, it throbbed with dull pain and resentment filled your mind. “I’m sure it’ll be easy, there aren’t going to be too many inches stopping me.”

At this point, both your nerves are on high alert, and the energy in the air shifts from playful to angry. “Oh yeah?” Ogun walks slowly and calmly towards you, raising a brow when you stumble back yet still maintain your glare. The hand cradling your jaw is held tightly in his grasp, “Would you like to try?” The dare only eggs you on, “You won’t last a second.” The faint twitch of his temple lets you know you hit a nerve.

*Wheeeeze*

Both you and Ogun’s heads snap to the left. Pan stood at the gym doorway arms waving and whistle blowing, a clear attempt at reprimanding your laziness. The playful aura comes back and you and Ogun are subjected to extra work for your negligence. “This is your fault you know.” he shoots back, “I don’t want to hear it Montgomery.”

Ogun walked down the hallway in search of a new victim to torture, so it was only pure convenience when he stumbled near your living quarters and caught you just before you walked inside. “Y/n! You were absent for dinner.” You take one look at him before dashing into your room. All you wanted was to sleep, training with Ogun, and then having to complete your own set of chores plus extra was tiering. So seeing Ogun wandering out and about during the late hours only met trouble.

You jolt from your train of thought as your door is banged on. “Go away Montgomery, I’m trying to sleep.” Ogun whined, “Well you weren’t trying too hard cause you weren’t in your room yet, now let me in.” You kicked the door back, “No, now go away!”

No sound is heard, not even a shuffle. Sighing you walk towards your bed with a content smile, you’d apologize to him later but now it was your time for rest. Heavy wind billowed through your opened window making you shiver as the curtains tickle your skin. The sharp coolness made your teeth rattle but it was just the right amount of cool you needed in order to head off quickly to dream land. Turning the dial of your lamp, your room is shrouded in darkness and you climb underneath the covers. Nothing could stop the relaxation you were about to receive…….nothing but the feeling of “something ain’t right.”

Opening your eyes and expecting the worse, you are then greeted with the worst as the same fiery eyes you admired hours before, hovered above your face. “You should really close your window.” You scream and throw a punch in Oguns direction but it is in vain as he catches it and pins it down. “I should really get you back for doing that earlier.” Ogun doesn’t make any move to let you go or even speak again. “How the hell did you get there so fast?” You are unable to look away from his eyes, nothing else would have mattered anyway.

More wind blows through your curtains. “I told you I’ve gotten faster.” You can feel his breath caressing your cheek the closer he gets to your face. The hand wrapped around your wrist tightens despite your body being slackened. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah”

No one knows who moved first. All you know is that your pajamas were being ripped off of your body as Ogun aggressively devoured your lips. Tossing everything to the ground, Ogun sits above you, with his shirt was off, you are given the liberty to admire his chiseled body. Ogun makes quick work with fingering you open, watching with a toothy grin as your chest shakes and your breath stutters. “Not talking much now are you?” He doesn’t care if you respond, all he cares about is wearing you down. You pull him closer, nails dragging down his back, as your orgasm overwhelms you. “Ogun!” Your legs are hiked up and over his shoulders as he positions below you.

“Good job, I don’t want to hear anything else but my name.” The stretch was burning and filled you tightly. “How many inches you think that is?” You weakly slap Ogun’s arm as he weakly ruts into you before pulling out completely, “S-Stop making fun of me.” “ Aww, but it’s fun!” Ogun is slow and precise as he mashes his hips forward. There is no hesitation and the pace stays at a fluid toe-curling pressure. “You’re so silent now Y/n. Tell me, how does it feel, huh?” Your back raises from off the bed, “It...good-I oh god!”

The simple fact that you couldn’t speak sent tremors to Oguns cock. He wanted to tease you more, make you break. Your pussy was wet and sopping for him and not even Sol could make him stop fucking you, not when you looked so beautiful underneath him. But a mischievous streak doesn’t go away that easy.

Leaning back on his haunches, you are put back on top of Ogun, the same position you were in when on the feild. He doesn’t move and just looks at you, “What are, what are you doing?” You try to bounce but he holds you down making you pulse around him. “Please let me move.” But he doesn’t, the only movement you get is when you’re held down harder on his cock. “How many inches Y/n?” You shrug, “I don’t freaking know like 5 or something!?” You just wanted to cum not answer a random questionnaire.

Ogun uses his strength to lift you up and slam you back down. “Wrong, try again.” It takes a moment for you to catch the breath that got knocked out at the second stroke. “Do you really want me to stroke your stupid ego, fine 8inches!” You are slammed down again and this time it hits a special spot just short of your G. “Wrong again, don’t be a smart ass Y/n” He rubbed your side. “Come on, play my game for a little bit, don’t you want to cum on my dick?” Oguns hands squeeze your breasts, thumbs rotating the dark circles of your areolas leaving your nipples to tingle in need.

“Si-Six damn it! It has to be like 6.” your answer is mumbled but is loud enough to satisfy Ogun. As if you weighed nothing less than a piece of paper, Ogun uses his thighs to bounce you on his cock. Your chest bounces in his face taking his immature mind to cloud nine. He could feel the tell tell sign of his own orgasms cumming, as your ass slammed down on his shaft. “Stop squeezing down so damn hard!”

Being the person you are, you don’t listen even after you feel Ogun spill inside of you. “Oh fuck!” You rearrange your own legs and start bouncing at your own pace. The tight grip on your waist means nothing as you chase your second cumming. “Hurry up you little shit my balls are burning!” Ogun tossed his head back as his mouth releases cracked moans. His cock continued to twitch as it became softer but still stimulated. Soon, Ogun couldn’t take the stimuli anymore and pushes you down on the bed. The feeling of his fingers thrusting in and out of your pussy was a little less satisfying than his cock but you cream around it just as easily.

You lay down giggling while Ogun goes in and out of sleep. “I was right, you didn’t last a second.” “Shut the hell up, you’re like a vice.” Your sweaty state somehow doesn’t bother you as you rest in the afterglow. Your blinds continue to shimmer as the wind continues to blow. “Five and a half.” The numbers mean nothing to your muddled brain, “What?” Ogun looks at you, “5 and a half inches is the correct answer but I appreciate the 6.”

Suddenly the glow was no longer worth it.

[dangerousstrawberryshark]

Yandere Tubbo x Male Reader

Warning: little violence (not that detailed). 

This one is going to be short.

Requested from Pokadeathpony

Backstory: You live in Brighton, England, United Kingdom. (I don’t know where Tubbo lives nor do I know where Tommy lives) One day you were walking to go get some breakfast. Until you bumped into George one of your favorite Minecraft streamers and content creators. You were a small streamer, not that many viewers. You and George began to talk, he later invited you to see the dream SMP world, and you meet the other people of the dream SMP. You then got to meet Tubbo. You thought Tubbo was normal until it took a turn. A big turn. 

Btw you are 17. (Tommy will be turning 17 this year and Tubbo will be 18)

M/N: Male name

Y/T/N: Your Twitch Name.

M/U: Minecraft username

H/C: Hair color

S/C: Skin color

F/D/P: favorite donut place.

Sorry if this is bad.

You were sleeping peacefully until I heard the most annoying sound ever. 

*Beep, beep, beep,* “Ughhhhh.” You were trying to turn it off but you kept missing until you finally got it. ‘Finally got that stupid thing off!’ you thought to yourself. “What time is it?” I looked at the clock. “7:35 am. I might as well get up,” you said to yourself as you slowly got out of bed, stretching your muscles. 

You went to the bathroom to do your business and brush your teeth. After you were done, you grabbed my keys and went to go get breakfast.

As you were walking to go get your daily donuts and coffee, you suddenly bumped into someone causing me to fall. “You okay there?” the voice said, ‘I know that voice!’ you thought to yourself and looked up to see George, George Davidson!!

He handed his hand out, you grabbed his hand. “You alright,” he said, you couldn’t process anything, you just stared at him. You snapped out of your daze. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m a fan of you by the way,” you replied with excitement. 

“Oh? Really?” he said, “Yes! I’m a big fan of yours! I’m actually a streamer just like you,” You replied. “Oh, really what’s your twitch name?” He asked, wondering maybe he’ll check you out. “Oh, Y/T/N!” 

“Okay, maybe check it out later today. Hey, wanna talk and get some food?” you couldn’t say no to that, how many get to eat with their favorite celebrity? “Yes, I would like. Either way, I was going there before I ran into you.” “Alright, let’s go.”

Time skip (You and George went to go eat, and later he checked out your Twitch channel. 3 days later, you got a DM from George saying; “Do you want to tour the Dream SMP world?” and you gladly accepted the offer. And this is where it all began.)

Y/N POV 

I recently got a message from George saying, “Do you want to tour the Dream SMP world?” and you (Or should I say “we”) know I accepted it. He said tomorrow is when it's happening. 

Time skip to tomorrow. 

I woke up earlier than usual, even beat my alarm clock before it could ring. I went to the bathroom and did my usual. George said he will invite me at 10:30 AM. “What time is it now?” I grabbed my phone and checked, “It's 7:10 AM. Will looks like I’m going to have to wait a while.”

Time skip (3 hours and 20 minutes later)

I hopped onto my PC and started it up. After it started, I opened up Minecraft and checked my Notifications. I received the invite I quickly joined in.

Tubbo POV

I was on the Dream SMP world with Tommy, Corpse, George, BBh, and Dream, when an unknown player had joined the game. That shouldn’t be possible since this server is private nobody can join be us.

“Hey who joined?” I questioned. “Oh, I met this small streamer while I was walking to go get breakfast 3 days ago, and I invited them over to give a tour of the place!” George enthusiastically over discord. 

‘Mmm, so they’re a streamer? Maybe I should get to know them.’ 

Time skip (To be honest this one is rushed. It’s currently 1:08 AM where I live and my mind isn’t functioning right now) 

After I introduced myself and the others did, we began to talk about random things. Apparently, M/N is currently streaming right now, and I went to go check it out. 

After I introduced myself and the others did, we began to talk about random things. Apparently, M/N is currently streaming right now, and I went to go check it out. 

M/N has a facecam on, and I get to see what he looks like. He had looked pulchritudinous. Absolutely exquisite. He had soft fluffy H/C hair, his nice S/C, and how his dazzling E/C shine brighter than the sun. I’m going to say it again, he is ravishing.

‘Wait, why am I calling a guy beautiful?’ this boy is triggering something in me. Something I never experienced before. Something in me wants me to protect him at all cost. ‘No stop thinking about that!’ I pushed these unfamiliar thoughts and feeling down.

As time went on my thing for M/N increased. I don’t know why I’m so infatuated with him. Tried ignoring the thoughts and feelings but they keep coming. 

‘Something is coming out of ME.’ 

Time skip ( 2 months after the meeting)

It’s been two months since our little meeting, M/N is officially part of the SMP world. I’ve been binge-watching M/N streams, his YouTube videos, and I also follow him on all his social media accounts, and sometimes I’ll search the internet to find small information. 

I was currently on a website about M/N. it listed all of the information about him since meeting George is grew rapidly on Twitch and YouTube. ‘I already know all of this!’ I thought to myself as I kept scrolling down until I came upon something interesting. 

“M/n current residence in Brighton, England, United Kingdom.” my eyes widen as I read this, ‘He lives close to me!’ I yelled in my mind. 

I was fanboying until I heard my notifications sound. I stopped what I was doing went to go check who it was from. M/N invited me, I immediately accepted it. The world was loading. “Hello!” M/n yelled.   

It was me, M/N, Tommy, and dream on the server. I noticed that Tommy has been getting close to M/n, really close to for my liking. Tommy would sometimes even flirt, this obviously made me jealous for some reason. 

We were minding our own business until “Hey M/n! Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only 10 I see!” that was the most terrible pick-up line I have ever heard. “Oh my God Tommy?! Really?” M/n said but he was Laughing at that. 

This only made me INFURIATED.

M/n POV

I was minding my own business trying to build my home since I joined 2 weeks ago. The only other people on the server were me, tubbo, Tommy, and dream. Anyway, I was nearly done until Tommy said something, “Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only 10 I see!”

That has to be the most dumbest and funniest pick-up line I heard. “Oh my God Tommy! Really?!” I said while laughing at his attempt at flirting with me. 

Then Tommy went on to say more stupid pick-up line. Some of them were like, “Hey, my name's Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?” and “Are you related to Jean-Claude Van Damme? Because Jean-Claude Van Damme you’re sexy!” Just to name a few. 

I noticed that Tubbo hasn’t been talking as much. I wonder what’s wrong with him. I didn’t take note that was going to lead to something atrocious. 

Anyways we still had fun, Tommy kept trying to flirt. “Hey M/n, I was wondering if we could meet up since you know, we both live in Brighton,” Tommy with hope in his voice, hoping you accept his offer. I began to think, ‘Mmm, should I? Or should I not?’

“You know what? Sure. What time do you want to meet?” I accepted his request. “Uhhhhhh, Maybe on Thursday at 5:30. Meeting place F/D/P.” Tommy replied. “Alright! See you there,” I replied.

No One’s POV

Tubbo was fuming with anger as he was listening in on their conversation. ‘No!!!!! I can’t let this happen! I need to do something.’ Tubbo was thinking to himself, but he didn’t notice that M/n and Tommy had stop talking.

“Hey, Toby! Are you okay? You haven’t been talking,” Tommy said with concern. “Yeah, I’m just fine you know!” Tubbo said with venom and anger in his voice. “Wow there calm down, I was just asking. Geez,” Tommy backed knowing that his friend is anger. 

‘Why is he angry? I did nothing wrong!’ Tommy thought to himself, wanting to know what he did. “You know what, I think I’m going to leave,” Tubbo said as he left the game and went offline. 

“What’s his big deal?” M/n questioned. “I don’t know,” Tommy replied, “I gotta go. See ya later M/n!” “Bye Tommy!” Tommy has left the game. 

Meanwhile. 

“I need to find a way to prevent this meetup!” Tubbo said to himself. Then an idea came into mind. An extreme idea. 

New Messages 

Today at 4:23

Toby: Hey, Tommy. Sorry I lashed out at you today.

Delivered at 4:23 

Tommy is tying…

Tommy: it’s alright mate.

Delivered at 4:23

Toby is typing…

Toby: How about we meet up, so I can apologize in person.

Delivered at 4:24

Tommy is typing…

Tommy: today or tomorrow? Cause I have a meeting with M/n. 

Delivered at 4:24

When Tommy mentioned the meeting toby had to act fast. 

Toby is typing…

Toby: today at my place.

Delivered at 4:25

Tommy is typing…

Tommy: sure thing! When exactly?

Delivered at 4:25

Toby is typing…

Toby: 5:30 

Delivered at 4:25

Tommy is typing…

Tommy: Okay, see you at 5:30

Delivered at 4:26

‘And that WILL be the last time you see.’

Time skip (1 hour 4 minutes)

Toby heard his door knocked. Toby went to go open his door, and there he sees his target. “Hey, Toby!” Tommy let himself in. “So where are your parents?” Tommy questioned. 

“Oh, they’re on their anniversary vacation,” Toby answered. “Ohhh, okay. Wanna head to your room?” “Sure I just need to go get something.” “Okay.” 

While Tommy went upstairs, Toby went into the kitchen. He grabbed the knife and slowly began to walk, he hid the knife behind his back. Once he walked into his room, he locked the door and slowly began to approach Tommy. 

“What are you doing Toby?!” Tommy yelled as walked backward, but then he hit the wall. “It was never meant to be.” those would be the last words, Tommy would ever hear as Toby shoved the knife into Tommy’s heart. 

Toby cleaned up the body by putting it into the trash bag along with the knife. He quickly disposed of the body. 

3 days later

Tommy was reported missing by his parents and the police were on the search. M/n was worried. Toby called M/n to do a cooking stream. M/n was suspicious about this cause this came out of nowhere. But in the end, M/n agreed. 

A few hours have passed and M/n arrived at the residence of Toby. m/n knocked on the door waiting for an answer just then the door swung open revealing a smiling Toby. 

“Hey there M/n! Glad that you arrived!” Toby sounded a bit too happy for your liking. “Please come in!” he invited you in. But as you walked, you heard the door close and lock behind you. Just as you turned around you got knocked by a heavy object. 

You slowly began to wake, you noticed that you were tied up. You looked around until your eyes landed on Toby. He had a wicked smile plaster on his face. 

“Why are you doing this?” you asked desperately wanting to know why. ‘Did he cause Tommy to go missing?’ You thought to yourself until you hear Toby coming to you. 

“You know, I always reject this feeling inside me. This feeling caused me to love you. Tommy was getting in the way of us being together, he had to be dealt with.”

“You’re a monster! You killed Tommy and you think I’m going to love you?!” this angered Toby but didn’t show it. “You’ll learn to love… cause you’ll be staying here…

Forever…”

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #942: Family Discount (Persona 5 X SSBU)

2:34 p.m. Outside of Shiyiba's All You Can Eat Buffet Restaurant.......

Shiho: No.

Ann: (Immediately Pouts at her Girlfriend) Oh come on! I haven't even let me explain the whole thing yet.....

Shiho: (Crosses her Arm) Ann, I don't need any explanations to know that paying for a Family Discount is a the one most stupidest ideas you ever come up with yet.

Ann: Is it really that bad of an idea though? It's a cheaper price and it goes free with a Giant Chocolate Lava Cake~

Lucas: What's a Chocolate Lava Cake? Is it made out of Lava of some kind?

Ann: (Giggles Softly) No, silly. It's a chocolate cake with a melted, gooey chocolate on the inside.

Lucas: (Eyes Widened in Awe) Woooooah......(Starts Smiling Excitedly) That does sound yummy~

Ann: (Smiles Brightly) I know, right!?~ And it'll be ours for the taking once we get that discount.

Shiho: ('Sigh') Can we please not go through this? You know how terrible I am at lying.....

Ann: Oh relax. All we have to do is tell them that we're Lucas' moms and they'll take our word for it!.....Hopefully......On second thought, let ME do all the talking. (Starts Smirking a Bit Smugly) I can do a killer mom impression.

Shiho: (Scoffs While Rolling her Eyes) Yeah, like you can do an impression of a-

Ann: (Does a Mom Impression) Why, hello there, sir and ma'am. We are the Takamaki Family and we would like to pay a special Family Discount of this wonderful establishment please~ (Puts on a Motherly Smile)

Lucas: (Genuinely Impressed by Ann's Performance) That really is a good mom impression, big sis.

Shiho: (Has an Unimpressed Look on her Face) It looks like she's overselling it to me.....Also, "Takamaki" Family?

Ann: Hey, the whole thing is my idea to begin with. (Smirks Confidently) So we get my family's name.

Lucas: Hmm....Lucas Takamaki......(Smiles Brightly) I think I like the sound of it already.

Shiho: (Starts Blushing and Smiling a Little While Getting in Lost in Thought) It would be nice to be called Mrs. Takamaki every once in a while.....(Immediately Comes Back to Reality While Shaking her Head a Little) B-But that's beside the point! (Starts Crossing her Arms Again) I'm still don't think we should be doing this.

Ann: ('Sigh') Shiho, you worry too much. Just trust me on this, alright? And besides.....(Puts on Yet Another Smirk on her Face) Didn't you say wanted to be Lucas' mom at one point?~

Shiho: (Eyes Immediately Begins to Widened) !!!

Lucas: (Raised an Eyebrow in Confusion) Shiho wanted to be my mom?

Ann: Yep! Back when we started hanging out with one another, your big sis here wanted to adopt you as our own. Buuuuuuuut I told her you already have a bunch of moms at the Mansion, so the idea was scraped.

Lucas: (Eyes Starts Widened in Genuine Surprise) No way.....(Turns to Shiho) Is this really true?

Shiho: (Starts Rubbing her Arm a Bit Shyly) Y-Yes, but.....T-That was a long time ago! It shouldn't matter nowadays anyways

Lucas: True. But......In all honesty.....(Gives Shiho a Soft Smile on his Face) I don't mind having you two as my moms for the day.

Shiho (Eyes Widened in Genuine Surprise While Blushing Again) R-Really?

Lucas: (Happily Nodded) Yeah. I already love spending time with you guys as it is, so it could be fun to play the part for a while.

Ann: (Smile Brightly) I agree to this motion!~ Whaddya say, Shiho-Kins?~ Ready to break some rules?

Shiho: (Tries Her Hardest Not to Give in to the Trouble Making Sensation Until.....)

Few Minutes Later Inside of the Restaurant........

Lucas: (Eyes Begins to Sparkle in Happiness After He Tasted the Piece of the Lava Cake) Wow!~ This cake really does taste amzing!~

Ann: (Smiles Brightly) I know, right?~ (Takes Another Bite of the Cake Before Enjoying it Entirely with a Satisfied Moan) It's sooooo yummy!~

Shiho: ('Sigh') Well, I'm glad you two are enjoying yourselves.....Still can't believe they felt for all of that......

Ann: Of course they did. (Starts Smirking Yet Again) We make a pretty cool family if I do say so myself.

Lucas: (Happily Nodded) Mmhmm. Ooh! That reminds me....(Pulls Out Red and Pink Cards From his Coat Pocket) I made you guys Valentine's Day Cards. (Gives them to Both of the Girls Respectively) I figured you two would be busy spending the holiday together tomorrow, so I decided to give them you a day early. I hope you don't mind.

Ann: Of course we don't!~ (Gets Up From Her Chaor and Hugs Lucas Lovingly) Thank you soooo much, kiddo.

Shiho: (Smiles Brightly at the PSI User While Placing the Card to her Chest) Yeah, it means a lot.

Lucas: You're welcome, you guys. (Turns to Shiho) Thanks again for letting us do this, sis. (Puts on a Sheepish Smile on his Face) And sorry for convincing you to lie with us.....

Shiho: Oh don't worry, Lucas. As long as my baby boy is enjoying himself here, then that's all it really matters. (Takes a Sip of her Drink)

Lucas: (Giggles Softly) Right.

Ann: D'awwwwww!~ You're sounding like a great mom already, hon~

Shiho: (Starts Rolling Her Eyes Again) Yeah, yeah, I know. Now, quit stalling go back and eat your cake already, will ya? (Starts Smiling Softly at the Duo in Front of Her) I love you guys.

@keyenuta

@cyber-wildcat

@ma-lemons

@26shann

@chompycroc

@princekirijo

@theweebmaster31

@albion-93

[pascalscenarios]

THE ONE (Frankie Morales x Reader)

THE ONE

Frankie Morales x Reader  

Summary: After the ordeal with Frankie, You spend your time alone. In the mean time, Lilah plans on talking to you. 

Warning: Mild Swearing

Words: 2,909

Authors Note: Hello! I hope you all are well! This chapter has me in my feels... I’m debating how long I should make this fic... I think I’m going up to 10, but we’ll see... Enjoy  :) - K 

CH 1 | CH 2 | CH 3 | CH 4 | CH 5 | CH 5.5 | CH 6 |

Chapter 6

You were locked up in your bedroom. You didn’t dare to come out and face Alex. They were sweet, giving you space for a couple of hours to deal with your feelings after the whole Frankie ordeal. You were curled up in your bed, your eyes puffy from balling your eyes out. You staring out the window watching the rainfall.

He told you he loved you. Frankie told you he loved you. You knew he loved you, but after all these years he still wanted to be with you? He had a whole decade to make things right with you, but he decided to swoop in last minute a week before your wedding to fuck things.

He also had no right to tell you how to feel about him. How did you feel?

You heard a knock on the door.

“Babe?” Alex says softly opening the door. They watch you lie there on the bed.

They walk over sitting at the foot of the bed.

“I’m sorry…” you whispered.

“Hun, you have nothing to be sorry about.” They rub your back comforting you.

You turn to face Alex, sitting up in bed, resting your back against the wall. You pulled the blanket up more, grabbing a pillow to clutch in your arms.

“I know you have a lot of questions.” your voice trembled.

Alex stays silent waiting for you to talk.

“When I went out with the girls clubbing, I got lost, I thought I called you, but I accidentally called Frankie. He came picked up, I crashed at his place, nothing happened, but I was hanging out with him today”

Alex looked relieved.

“But I haven’t been completely honest with you about Frankie…” You couldn’t look Alex in the eyes.  

“The day we went cake testing, I told you Frankie was an old friend...he is an old friend. I’ve known him since I was a kid, but at one point we used to date...he’s my ex-boyfriend.” You confessed.

You kept spilling everything.

“I’ve never talked about him with you because I didn’t think I would need to. I didn’t think I would ever see him again. I found out why he left me, he has a daughter. I’m not mad at him at that, not one bit, but it just hurts that he didn’t tell me... and then he told me he still loved me. I know I shouldn’t care, because I’m not with him- I’m with you, but part of me does care-”

You scrunch your face, your lips trembling as you try to stop yourself from shedding tears, but they still manage to fall.

“Ever since he came back- I don’t know how I’m feeling and its suffocating, I’m so confused my head is just-”

“I think I should go,” Alex says.

“W-what?” Your eyes widen

“I think we need time apart” Your chest heaved as you heard them say that. Everything was crashing down on you. You bared your feelings and now he wants to leave you? The feeling you were getting felt exactly like the night Frankie left you.

“B-but the wedding is next week-”

“I know…” They move closer to the bed, grabbing a hold of your hands.

“I think you and I need to think things over alone. We need a couple of days to wrap our head around things, figure out what we want-”

“But I want you…Please don’t go, I’m sorry- ” You cried.

“Don’t be sorry. Look, it’ll only be a couple of days...After we thought about things, well come back and talk about us. We’ll figure things out, I promise, but right now, we need to think about if this is truly what we want, what you want.”

“Alex…”

“No matter what, I love you” They kiss you on the forehead, then leave the bedroom.

…

“My uncle Santiago who told me everything Rehma! The photos of the person in the shoebox was my dad’s childhood sweetheart. They’re Uncle Santi’s cousin. They called them Smiles” Lilah was laying on her bed, staring at a photo of you, Frankie.

“That’s crazy! What happened between them?” Rehma, Lilah’s best friend, was over their phone call.

“Me…” Lilah signs placing the photo down, rolling on to her back.

“What, what do you mean you?”

“You know how I didn’t meet my dad until I was five...Well, he was with Smiles at the time.”

“Right, your mom didn’t tell him about you…”

“...Because he was with Smiles…”

“What? That’s why your mom didn’t tell him?”

“I mean I guess, my parents weren’t serious. They didn’t last long, they thought it was best to remain friends. Obviously, my mom should have told my Dad about me, but I don’t think she wanted to ruin what he and smiles had, but ultimately he was the one that ended up doing that.”

“What do you mean?

“He left smiles and went after me… for a whole decade they had no idea about me.”

“What a mess!” Rehma gasped.

“Tell me about it! but I just feel bad he left Smiles in the dust like that. This is the love of his life!”

“What about you? How are you feeling about all this?” Rehma asked.  

“I have him. He’s forever in my life now. He loves me, I do not doubt that ever. He’s always put me and my needs first, I mean obviously, he’s a dad, that's the job, but it’s time he puts himself first. I’m fifteen, I’m not a little girl anymore. I’m growing older, being more independent…I’ve never seen him be with anyone since the day he brought me home. I just want him to be happy you know.”

“Wow, that's-”

“That's why I'm going to talk to Smiles!” Lilah sits up in bed.

“Are you crazy?! What are you gonna do, pull a parent trap???”

“Some things like that…'' Lilah grabs the photo of you and Frankie, pulling out the shoebox that was hidden underneath your bed.

“I mean I think it’s cute you wanna set your dad up again with his childhood sweetheart, but what if this goes wrong?”

“Act now, think later, fuck it right?!” Lilah squeezes the phone between her shoulder and cheek, as she grabs her backpack, stuffing the boxes in.

“Moon!” Frankie shouted from the hallway.

“I gotta go!”

“Text me how it goes! If you need backup, call me!”

“Okay bye!”

“Moon?” Lilah quickly slips up the bag and hangs up the phone.

Frankie walks into Lilah’s room, finding her on the floor with her bag.

“Yeah, Dad?” She smiles.

“What are you up to?”

“Nothing..” She stands up, slinging the bag over her shoulder.

“Where are you going?” He asks to lean against the doorframe.

“Is it okay if I go to Rehma’s? We have homework and a project to do…” Lilah lied.

“You just go home from school…”

“I know, but she's freaking out about everything. Mrs. Pike is kicking our ass lately with everything.

“Yeah, just be home before-”

“Thanks, dad!” Lilah quickly walks up to Frankie kissing him on the cheek and bolts out the door.

“-Sunset!”

“Got it! Bye love you!” She called out. Lilah was standing outside her house. She pulls out her phone, looking in her notes for your address she took down in her notes.

“Alright, Smiles… Where do you live?”

...

You spent Valentine's day alone, curled up on the couch, a pile of junk food around you, watching your favorite romantic comedies. You were doing the same thing three days later. You were wearing pajamas, your hair disheveled, your eyes still puffy from crying. It has been a terrible week so far.

You avoid thinking about everything, just wanting to take time to do absolutely nothing and veg out.

You were eating ice cream from the carton when you heard your doorbell ring. You didn’t bother to get up and answer it. You just wanted to be left alone. The ringing became persistent. You groaned, setting the carton down on the couch and getting up to answer the door.

You open the door to find a letter on the ground with your name on it. You pick up the letter opening it.

Frontier Park @ 5:00 pm

You look up, scanning the neighborhood, there was no one around. Who could this be from? Alex? Maybe Santiago...Frankie?

You went back inside your house, checking the time. It was 3:45, almost noon. You looked at our messy living room. Maybe you should get out. You’ve been cooped up in the house for too long. You needed some fresh air and gained back a clear and unclouded mind.

…

You got changed and headed to the park. It was a nice day, with a slight cool breeze. You sat on the bench and overlooked the pond. You sat there admiring the beautiful flowers and the cute ducks that swam on the pond.

From the corner of your eye, you see someone walking towards you. It was a young girl. As she gets closer to you, you realize who she was. You stand up as she approaches you.

“H-hi…” she stutters, stopping in front of you. “I’m-”

“Lilah” you gasp. You couldn't help but smile. She looked just like Frankie. You couldn’t believe she was standing in front of you.

You extend your hand out, introducing yourself. You both sat down on the bench.

“I can’t believe I’m meeting you right now…” Lilah says in a bit of shock.

“I can’t believe I’m meeting you either...I’m guessing you’re the one who left the letter at my doorstep. Are you alright? Did something happen? Is Frankie okay?” You were concerned for her, Frankie even. You had no idea why you were meeting her, but if she needed anything, you were willing to help her.

Lilah smiled. You were just like Santiago in her eyes. You were concerned and caring just like him. “Yes, I am. Everythings fine, I’m fine...Dad’s... Sorta okay I guess…” she says awkwardly.

“I’m sorry ambush you like this-”

“No! It’s alright... I - Just- How did you find me? How do you even know who I am?” Had Frankie told her about you?

“Uncle Santiago…”

“Of course” you rolled your eyes, chuckling.

“I went to Uncle Santi’s house, he answered questions I had…I found your address in the junk drawer in his kitchen...I wanted to talk to you about you and my dad... Uncle Santiago to me everything…”

You stiffen. Why the hell would your cousin air out all your dirty laundry with Frankie out on his Daughter?

“My dad has an old Shoebox filled with old photos of the two of you hidden in the back of the hallway closet.” She pulled the shoebox out of her bag, handing it to you.

You take the lid off staring down at a stack of photos.

“I would catch him staring at them from time to time. I used to look through these photos without him knowing. I always wondered who you were. I knew you must have been someone important to him. My best was that you two dated, Uncle Santi, confirmed that, but I found Dad bringing it back out for the first time in a long time, about a month ago. He’s been different lately. He’s sad. He tries to hide it from me, acting like he’s fine, but I can see right through him.”

You shuffle through the photos, a sad smile on your face at the memories they brought back to you.

“I just wanted to apologize, I know what happened between you and my dad… I know I’m the cause-”

“No no no.” You shake your head, setting the photos down in the box between you, placing your hand on her back.

“Lilah, that wasn’t your fault. What happened between Frankie and I is between us. Your Dad needed to go after you, and I don’t blame him one bit for doing that, that would be selfish of me.”

“I wish he would have told you about me. I think it’s terrible that he left without saying anything. And all those years without knowing-”

“I wish he would have told me too, but what’s most important is that he has you. You’re all he needs”

“Yeah he does have me, but what he needs is you. You’re his missing piece to his puzzle. He could never love someone as much as he loves you and me.”

“Lilah…” You turn away from her, tears starting to form in your eyes at what she said.

“Look, I know you’re getting married a-and I know my dad hurt you, but I think you should be with him. You’re the love of his life...You’re the one that got aw-”

“Lilah!” You hear a man shout.

You see Frankie walking towards you both.

“Oh, shit” Lilah murmurs quickly standing, grabbing the shoe box, she had no time to hide away in her bag as well as you.

“Lilah!” He was angry. You quickly stand up

“Dad!-”

“Lilah what-” He stops talking, taken back by you standing beside his daughter.

“Smiles?” He furrowed his eyebrows at you confused. He turns his focus back on his daughter.

“Lilah, what the HELL are you doing?!”

“Dad, I-”

“You lied to me about where you were going?! You left your books at the house, I went over to Rehma’s, only for her parents to tell me you weren’t over there!”

“Dammit, I forgot to tell her the plan..” Lilah mumbled, closing her eyes.

“Lilah, what are you even doing?! And why are you here with my daughter?” He pointed at you. His eyes catch the box “Where did you get that?” he looks up at Lilah

“The hallways closet…I-I know about you and smiles…”

His chest heaves. “What is this?” He turns his attention towards you, staring at you tensely. “You are trying to get back at me for all the shit I did?! You really gotta drag my kid into this?!” he yelled.

“Frankie-” you tried to explain, but he wouldn’t let you speak

“I know I fuck up, but this is low! You don’t go meeting up with my kid and talk about our business! Why would you even-”

“I’m the one that asked them to meet me here!” Lilah spoke up.

“Lilah, how do you even know-”

“Uncle Santiago told me. He told me everything. Valentine's day when I told you I was a Rehma, I was at Uncle Santi’s house. I’ve known about the shoebox for years, Dad…”

He scoffs. “Of course he fucking did...Why are you here with smiles?”

“...I was…” Lilah looks down at the ground.

“You were what, Lilah?”

She sighed. “..I was trying to get them to take you back…”

“Oh god…” Frankie groans, rubbing his face.

“Dad, I’m-”

“Lilah! You can’t be serious right now!!!” he began to yell again.

“Dad, you're sad! I can see past the fake smiles and the facade you put up! I’ve seen the way you look at those photos! I thought I could-”

“You have absolutely NO right doing what you did!!! Lying to me, going behind my back, and getting involved in things you don’t understand and that are none of your business!!! You need to apologize to Smiles right now.”

Lilah turns to face you. “I’m sorry…” She whispers, you see the tears forming in her eyes.

“Go wait for me in the truck-”

“Dad-” she croaks.

“I said go wait in the truck. We’ll finish this conversation at home.” He says strictly.

Lilah listened to her father, quickly walking in the direction of the parking lot.

Frankie felt embarrassed and humiliated. He was angry with his daughter that she would put him in a situation like this.

“Frankie-”

“Don’t, Smiles...Just don’t.” He played his hands on his hips, his head hung low. He turns around, his back towards you. He stares off at the forest a few yards away.

“She meant well, Frankie…”

“Yeah, but nothing she does or planned on is going to change anything…” he chuckles.

“You’re still going to get married.” He turned to face you. He was crying.

It was the first time in a long while since you saw him cry. He bottled up his feelings, but he finally found his breaking point.

“I thought it was gonna be us you know. You were it for me. You were the one, but I fucked things up. I fucked things up so bad.” He cried, his eyes growing red. “I should have told you about Lilah. I should have never left you like that, the way that I did. I’ve regretted it every day. We’d probably still be together. A-and now you’re about to get hitched to someone that isn’t me in a couple of days.That should me! I should be the one waiting to see you walk down that aisle, that should be me you’re walking towards, not Alex…”

You hadn’t realized you were crying.

“I’m gonna have to live with that for the rest of my life.”

“Frankie..” you breathed. He walked up towards you, grabbing your side of your face, passionately kissing you. The kiss was desperate, he pulled you closer to him. He needed to kiss you one last time. You both pull away breathless, but he sneaks a few more short kisses before you both rest your foreheads against each other.

“I love you so much, Smiles... I’m sorry for everything.” With that, he pulls away from your grasp, walking away.

He leaves you standing alone.

Tags // @icanbeyourjedi  @im-an-adult-ish  @sara-alonso @lydiascottage @eternalkara​

[life-rewritten]

Giants of Thai BL AKA The MOST ANTICIPATED  THAI BL SHOWS FOR 2021

It's weird to think that the year 2020 has ended. This has been a journey in the past year, on the surface everywhere you looked it looked like there was no place to be happy and excited because of all the things that happened. It was suffocating at times, tiring at best, and it was just astonishing how many things could go wrong in only one year. That being said, one genre/demographic that grew even stronger this year, took some time to impress and improve on its tropes, its ideas and concepts and that's BL. Which also took some of us by surprise, for the ones who've been watching BL since the first oldies, to the new people who joined and also became in love with the genre and have stayed since then. BL has been an incredible, interesting journey, and I am so happy to say that it looks like 2021 isn't letting go of that energy. So to celebrate entering 2021, a year hopefully for a release from all the worries in 2020, a year to restart, refresh and keep getting better, here are the Giants of Thai Bl making their way in 2021. We have so many insane ones, from more mafia dramas to new unique non-university storylines, to og actors, and new powerful ones, to interesting pairings and new channels producing shows for 2021 to many many more countries joining the fight to be the top of our affections and energy. Thai BL is not going anywhere, and you know what that's perfectly fine with me.

GMMTV

I already did a whole squeal about the shows upcoming from GMMTV here: But after careful consideration here is my top 3 most anticipated: Enchante, Not Me, Bad Buddy. I know Enchante beat out ATOTS, but for me, I'm obsessed with the way the writer plans secrets and meta to unveil, and I keep repeating it's by Theory of Love director and production team. I'm so excited. I just hope they put in the same energy and effort they used in theory of love for this you have so many potential incredible actors that can take over this genre if you give them a good script and hard work. Hopefully, GMMTV intends to do so for not just their royal couple shows but also for rookie actors because Book and Force in this trailer? Looks fantastic.

Studio Wabi-sabi

When I hear about Studio Wabi-Sabi, you see two juxtaposed reactions from me, one you see anticipation and excitement from seeing my most loved actors off-screen; however, you also hear a groan from me. I'm sorry I didn't use to be this way, I used to be so ready to embrace every show directed and created by New Siwaj; in 2020, New was one of the directors I kept having headaches about because of all his shows in 2020? What exactly happened? Why did they flop so hard? Why was he so slow? I'm hoping that it's because he had too many projects to handle at the same time since fair enough LBC was filmed same time as GMMTV My gear and your gown and maybe that was too much to handle? But the reason why I like News choices usually are because they're emotional, impressive with their plot lines and have good character arcs and couples we end up falling in love with. He could be an iconic director because he has so much talent in his company, so I'm hoping he uses his lessons and grows and becomes better in 2021.  But Let's get to the shows announced so far for 2021 because they both have the potential to take over 2021. I said what I said.

Between Us

Genre:  Friends with benefits, Romance, Comedy, PTSD, Angst, 

Ahh, this is incredible. I'm so happy. Win and Team are from a great tv show already with Until We Meet Again and not going to lie, but seeing Buon as Win and Prem as Team? Perfection. Like guys I actually fell so hard for this couple despite their low screen time. Buon stole the scene each time he appeared, with his little smirks, and mischief, with flirty bad-boy energy and their relationship, was precisely what I live for passionate and full of chemistry. They're great, which is why it's so exciting to see that Between Us is getting its own show, the show based on these two love story in a parallel timeline to Until we meet again. I screamed. The book sounds interesting; we're getting some conversations about PTSD, some healing relationships, and angst and more passion.  I'm so excited about this since I first saw BuonPrem. I knew they were going to get known enough to bring their own show. And they deserve it, let's hope we get an interesting script that keeps us invested, enough opportunities for these two to have softer and profound moments whilst still holding on to their passion, and let the drama not be stale but addicting. Please New, don't let this show also be slow-paced, I'll lose it if another show is ruined by directing from you. 

Ratings: 4/5: BuonPrem, they leap off the screen, their chemistry is that great. From hearing about the plot I'm also excited to a more in-depth look into Team's insomnia and his past and psychological scars, and I'm hoping to see a deeper reason for why these two should be together.

Love Mechanics 2

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Friends with benefits, Unrequited love, 

That's the thing about Wabi-Sabi; they have amazing actors that steal our hearts away. This shows cast is no different, it's YinWar and it's a collab with Channel 3. Like What? It's everything. YinWar from Love Mechanics trended with millions of people obsessed and wanting the show to be extended and actually appropriately done. In came Channel 3 and we have this gem coming on April. No words. YinWar on screen is thrilling; War is just outstanding as Mark, his nuances, his glares, his looks of pain and longing, man I was absorbed into it. Although LM's writing is toxic and really left me feeling confused and uncomfortable with the details pushed aside, it was hard to ship VeeMark when Yin's character made terrible decisions and was awful even in the book. I'm the queen of analysing damaged flawed characters, and I don't run away from toxicity as long as there is a growth and change later on, as long as there's a good reason we needed to see that. For Vee's character, his actions were unnecessary for us to know about his character; they were just messy and upsetting. That's why I think seeing more depth for his actions and seeing Mark regress and also make mistakes like him will even out their relationship and make me feel more understanding about how these two flawed characters came to be and why they should be together.  Let's hope with funds from Channel 3, more effort and energy put into the show, it'll be great because with actors like War this show can be just as big as it was when it had errors. Maybe even better. 

Ratings 3.5/5 Love mechanics messy storyline makes me worried about this, but I think I might have a great time watching and analysing Mark's revenge after being heartbroken. The angst and drama of it all just sound interesting.

Channel 3

2020 brought a new surprise with Channel 3 deciding to invest in BLS. BLs have always been not on mainstream channels, so seeing Channel 3 in Thailand decide to make their own shows, a collab with other companies, and bring some directors and writers and actors known in the BL world already, shows they are serious. This may be because of the success of 2gether and other breakthroughs in 2019 taking over the scene. But I can see that Channel 3 did not come here to play, they are researching, looking for ways to make a great BL with the information provided on the past BLs and they want to make it big. And you know what with shows like GEN Y showing up last year, I want to believe that Channel 3 is a competition for GMMTV and others. They invest in funds and have longer minutes for their episodes, and they also pay attention to international fans by streaming on new places like Iquiyi and others. It's exciting. Channel 3 has already dipped their toes with Love Mechanics, and in 2021 they have even more shows to give us:

Teddy Bear Miracle

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Supernatural, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Fantasy,  Mystery, Lakorn

What a weird title for a show. What an odd premise. What a bizarre book. But you know what I'm so excited about this; this is meant to be a lakorn series that is BL. Like wow, it has a good cast, known faces in the Thai acting scene and a director/screenwriter who has won awards for his own script. That's even more exciting. But the best thing about this is that it's a fantasy and has supernatural themes, yep it's weird we're dealing with a magic system where teddy bears come to life, and other inanimate objects talk? But I'm so excited to see what this brings; we have a man transformed from a teddy bear with amnesia who's searching for his past and how he ended up as one and his owner who's not yet ready to let his comfort go. It's so interesting, with family history and drama and of course, a romance that will probably touch my heart. I'm excited for this zany, wacky and dramatic show. Normally, I shy away from the crazy because I don't like crack humour, and it just means a bunch of many irritating sound effects and editing choices. But I want to trust the whole team from Channel 3, from the behind the scenes the show looks great, the couple has chemistry, and I'm excited to delve into the mystery at play and see what this story is meant to become. So excited honestly.

Ratings: 4.1/5 The wacky magic system scares me not going to lie, but I have faith for some reason in Channel 3, so I think this might shock us all. I think we'll get good acting, and perhaps good directing too. The mystery might also make me want to analyse. We shall see.

Lovely Writer

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Acting/Writing Industry, Haters to Lovers,  

Did you say Kao and Up and P'Tee the director of TharnType the series? Sign me up I'm there; I've been screaming a bit since I heard about this series. From the first time, it was announced that Channel 3 was turning the book into a show, I was like this sounds unique again? And it has an interesting plot, I guess, and it's also going to have drama. I'm hopeful then. When I heard about the whole team and watched the trailer, I got into it even more. Lovely Writer sounds right up my alley, to be honest, we have this introverted writer who is determined to write a masterpiece and stop his company from making him produce BLs for the hype only for his next project to be a BL show which leads him to his new sneaky, sly, wolf in sheep's clothing roommate. Kao played his roommate from Until we meet again who won my heart as Korn and made me cry buckets. So, of course, I'm excited, Nubsib (Kao) may have some tricks up his sleeve to get next to Gene, but I think things will be more complicated than he thought, I'm ready to explore the world of the film industry and dating scandals that Gene and Sib will fall into the more they fall for each other. The angst and drama. Can't wait. Also, TharnType is one of my favourite series, and one of the reasons is because of Tee so... That's even more reason to see Gene and Sip's love story develop. Will it be as angsty, passionate and filled with plot twists? From what I hear maybe. 

Ratings: 4/5 I just think this is an excellent team for a BL backed by Channel 3 and also has an exciting plot filled with ups and downs. I'm excited to see what happens and from the behind the scenes they released in the new year I think it'll be right up my alley.

NADAO

It had to be mentioned that I'm still in shock that Nadao is investing more into BL's. I don't know why, it just feels too good to be true, after giving me show after show that's perfection and quality I'm starting to have high expectations and hope for more, despite my weary heart not wanting to trust that this is real. I'm dramatic, I know. Anyways Nadao has gifted me twice with two shows that have shocked me and made my jaw fall in awe. I'm just like wow, they really did that. Every single piece of work that comes from them is art. Every single script is exceptionally written. Every single show is acted beautifully, and every single director and producer makes me inspired by the way they create. This is when focusing on their BLs because Great Man Academy and I told sunset about you are masterpieces in their own way, they deserve to be praised and never forgotten. It's just incredible that with a company like Nadao, everything falls into place, even when we think it won't because of past experiences. Nadao has shown up and decided to create unique pieces each thoughtful. Deep and breathtaking. Why won't I be over the moon when 2021 announces that we're getting another part from them with I told sunset about you getting a sequel. You bet I haven't stopped screaming and looking at the time to hurry up, so we get to March 11. I'm serious.

ITSAY PART 2

Genre: Romance,  Angst, Drama, University, Coming of age

And that's because of what ITSAY was to us in 2020. It was something that can't be explained concisely. It was everything. To hear that we're getting the second part of the story of Oh and Teh, I feel like I am already preparing my heart and mind for another invasion, last time I was a mess because of this show, I was all over the place because of this show, and I was incredibly happy for a moment because of this show. To relive that again would be everything. It's slightly worrying that Teh and Oh finally getting together and fighting through the odds to stay together will run into more obstacles. Are you kidding me? After all, we went through to see them together?? It makes me worried, I have this real distrust for sequels of BLs, and it hasn't changed despite 2020 producing some okay follow-ups. Sequels never meet the expectation set; sequels are always reduced in quality because the focus is now on popularity and fame, sequels lose their integrity of the characters we've come to know and love and sequels hurt. They make me sometimes give up on a show that is my love, and it hurts. It's a painful realisation that I can't take away or forget the sequel events, so these characters are now ruined infinitely for me—looking at Together with me next chapter. It's scary. But Nadao hasn't failed yet, I mean it when I say their scripts are like works of art, I mean it when I say you can tell they put blood, sweat and tears to create their shows, why would ITSAY part 2 be any different? These two shows I mentioned before are coming together because the director of GMA is joining the team of ITSAY to produce whilst Boss becomes the producer. As long as he's there, I'm fine, as long as we still get hard work, energy, effort and thought put into it. I'm fine. Because it translates on screen, I'll try to lower my expectations, but I can't wait to see BilkinPP as TehOh again. I can't wait to fall in love with the show all over again. Let's hope we all end up satisfied. 

Ratings: 4.5/5 The being a sequel is what's deducting the 0.5. I can't come here and be a fool; I must guard my heart against disappointment somewhat, despite failing already to do so.

Other Affiliates

We have our other shows. These were a pleasant surprise. With all the growth of new BLs, it's starting to get crowded and saturated, but as much as it's hard to see which shows stand out above all the noise,  some make you see it. These shows are the ones that stand out for me out of the rest in 2021. I don't know what companies they're from, all I know is the information given to me and past experiences.

KinnPorsche

Genre: Romance, Mafia, Angst, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Haters to Lovers, Bodyguard trope

AHHH. Can you hear me AHH. Okay, I'll calm down. But no really, KinnPorsche is finally preparing for filming and the cast has been set and I'm screaming. KinnPorsche was the book in 2020 that was announced as the most coveted; I remember so many fandoms wanted their actors to be chosen as the main cast. The reason? Because this is meant to be the first Mafia/Crime BL. Yes, you heard us, no more universities and engineers we're doing bodyguards and spoilt gangsters. I'm... But just knowing this, you just know that the show will also have angst, angst angstttt for days, drama, and a romance that probably involves haters to lovers, passion, and character development. We're coming in with guns blazing, with many side couples that look just as good and interesting, and many actors that look perfect for their roles. I cannot wait for KinnPorsche, especially when one of my favourite actors is going to be in it as a second lead Jeff Satur! Have you seen the posters, the character introduction, who they're casting for the rest of the show? This looks amazing, it seems well put together, and the whole team looks determined and ready to give us a great show. I'm honestly so excited, but I've also heard things about the book that I will have to wait for the show to be a judge of before saying. All I can say is quality of a show also includes the themes in the script, we're trying to evolve past the toxic plots and ideas in BL, so I'm hoping if there is any we cut it real quick and change that part. It's the producers and directors' choice to keep parts in that could be edited or removed. I haven't read the book, so I'm going to be wary about it for now, but from the whole cast, teasers, and posters I really think this show could be a favourite if appropriately handled. 

Ratings: 4?/5 The question mark is for the rumours I've heard about the book. I can't lie that I want this show to be great and become one of my all-time favourites but with angst and violent personalities and passion comes leeways to toxicity and more and that's just not cute or needed.

My Engineer Season 2

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Haters to Lovers, Unrequited love,  University,

Okay, this is it, folks. My Engineer came in 2020 and knocked our socks off; it's the most underrated great show in 2020 (apart from why r u) in my opinion. It was brilliantly constructed with enough screen time and plot for every couple of the show. My Engineer is a great show; it didn't make it to my favourites because I had issues with the main couple, but it was my most enjoyed when it came to the side couples. Because we had KingRam, TharaFong, and MekBoss. (Sorry to BohnDuen Fans). These were some of the most exciting, heartfelt, loving couples in 2020, KingRam was just chef kiss. And to hear that we're getting a sequel based on them? Well you know what I did, I screamed. I loved both KingRam and TharaFrong they were done so well, acted so well, and they made me laugh and laugh and then squeal and blush. They were too cute. The ending of my engineer left both these couples on a cliff hanger; we had a depressing bro zone with TharaFong as Fong came to realise his feelings, we had a wait what moment with Ram telling King he wasn't drunk when the kiss happened which is essentially a 'we need to deal with this new situation' text. And it's got me so excited to see what happens next. The first part of this was excitement. The second part is sigh, sequels. I told you didn't sequels are just urgh. I couldn't stop my excitement about KingRam, and I went to read the novel, and I usually don't mind it, but I don't think if the sequel is based on their story that I'd like them in season 2. And that's ridiculous because they're finally the main couple of season 2, and TalayPerth is impressive to see on screen. Sigh. I wasn't happy when reading the book; there are specific actions and choices made that just shifts the dynamic of the first season into the opposite. And I'm not particularly excited to relive those moments. Let's just say I still have high hopes for My engineer mostly cause I don't know what's happening to the other couples; I really hope there's a change in the script, maybe more information, more reasons for the characters to act the way they do, more depth? Because I want to like this show, I want it successful, but I'm not a clown I can't pretend it will be if it's based on the books. We'll see if I'm proved wrong. I hope I am.

Ratings: 3.5- Why did I read the book why?? I should have come into it blind I would have given it a 5/5 just for KingRam. Sigh

Love Stage 

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Gender Bender, Friends to Lovers, Childhood friends,  

This was a shock. Thailand has started to remake mangas from Japan, and it's all the most loved ones. In 2021 we already have Antique Bakery being remade by GMMTV (Read my GMMTV Giants of 2021) and now we have Love Stage which is also getting a Japanese Movie remake out in 2021. It's a great manga, anime and it's going to be a fun show. I enjoyed the characters, and I liked the storyline. But what I'm the most excited about when it comes to this is Kaownah and Turbo finally, after years of waiting have a new series. YES. Kaownah plays Long in TharnType our villain, and he was incredible in that. I heard he and Turbo were meant to be in the show My Umbrella, but it was cancelled and forgotten which was disappointing. These two are so cute, they're known for their fanservice and their chemistry and friendship. And I like them a lot. I can't wait to see Love Stage. I think they'll kill it. Can't wait to hear more about it let's hope this time it sticks and comes through on our screens. 

Ratings: 4/5 It's a fun storyline, and it has an excellent acting couple. I'm excited.

If 2021 already sounded brilliant because of GMMTV 2021, 2021 sounds even more exciting with these new shows; there's so many coming out, so many breaking stereotypes, so many unique plotlines, and so many great actors showing up. It's going to be a great year. I'm just glad BLs are growing, things are changing slowly, things are starting to have meaning and improve, international fans are being listened to, LGBT voices is also being listened to, we are getting there, not yet there but closer, every single time someone makes a choice to create a great plot and story that is more than just two guys making out, a show filled with heart, messages and essential representation with the good actors that also want the shows to mean something or are willing to put their all in it, every time someone chooses to make a good BL, you're paving the way for change and for the meaning of BL to change as well, for it just to be seen as something more in media. And that's needed for so many people who want shows like this to be respected and created for voices that need to be heard and displayed. Let’s see more with excellent quality in 2021.

[kuroopaisen]

the in-between | ii (kuroo tetsurou)

➵  it took you and kuroo far too long to learn that love was never singularly defined. it can be both striking and understated, sudden and unhurried, gentle and all-consuming. and most of all, it can be anything else in-between.

wc: 7.9k (part 2 of 3) 

warnings: f!reader, mentions of anxiety & depression (kind of), cursing, reader is a g@mer girl in one part, persona 5 spoilers (kinda), dog??

a/n: once again a big thank you to @w-yuren T-T thanks for making this legible. also, obaa-chan is the familiar term for one’s grandmother!

m. list | ch. 1  ↞ ch. 2 ↠ ch. 3

You supposed you felt a little bad for revelling in the fact that the third years were leaving the club. Them leaving meant Kenma would finally know some peace, safe from their heckling. It was difficult to work up any sadness at your upperclassmen’s departure, even if you had spent a substantial amount of time with them. 

But, that little nugget of quasi-guilt was absolutely trumped by the sheer delight of seeing Kuroo be handed the mantle of captain. 

You weren’t surprised. There’s something of a natural leader to him, and he was already doing a great job of holding the first and second years together. His fellow year-mates were positively beaming as congratulations rang throughout the gym, Kuroo’s cheeks flushed a little with a mixture of pride and embarrassment. 

You were waiting your turn to congratulate him, heart full just from watching him get the praise that he deserved. You were happy to observe, really. Especially when he looked so honoured, so happy when Coach Naoi gave him a congratulatory pat on the back. 

Finally Kuroo turned to you, eyes bright as he held his arms out. You jumped into them on instinct, wrapping your own arms around his neck. He hoisted you off the ground in one smooth move, twirling you round. A squeal escaped you before you could stop it, but he didn’t seem to care. He was just cackling. 

You couldn’t quite tell if the thrumming in your chest was due to a short adrenaline spike or because you’re so close to him. 

He finally put you down and pulled away, his hands moving up to hold you by your shoulders. 

He smiled at you. In that moment, you thought that his features should only ever hold a smile.  

You’d always been kind of aware that Kuroo was a pretty attractive guy. He was tall, fairly muscular, and his face wasn’t too bad for a teenage boy. You’re not blind, after all. 

But this was the first time that you’d really felt it for yourself. 

He’s got a certain twinkle in his eye that you didn’t quite know how to read. For some reason, it made you feel bad. 

You tried your best not to think about it. Not while you were still in the gym. Not while the two of you got celebratory ice cream with Kenma on your way to the train station. Not while he walked you home, chatting your ear off about what his plans were for the next year. 

You just tried to distract yourself with the fact that he was so happy. 

“You know,” Kuroo sighed, looking up at the sky. “I’m not sure about this whole captain thing.”

“Isn’t it a bit late for doubts?” You scoffed. He’d spent the past hour or so being delighted by it. You’d wondered when the overthinking would kick in. Not that you could really rag on him for it, all things considered. 

“I don’t mean like that,” he shook his head, pursing his lips. “I don’t know. It’s just…” 

“Stressful?” 

“Kind of,” Kuroo shrugged. “It makes it all feel very real, you know? We’re gonna be third years soon.” 

You shivered. “Don’t remind me.” 

“You’re going to have to face reality one day, you know,” he chuckled, ruffling your hair with one hand. He was really making a habit of that, wasn’t he? 

“Hush,” you sighed, waving a hand at him. 

He was right, though. Third year was getting closer and closer. Kuroo being made captain was just a more pressing reminder. It sounded like quite the responsibility, but you knew he was up to the challenge. 

You’d spoken about it a little bit before; mostly your theories about who’d get saddled with the title. It could only really be between him and Kai, but he’d definitely seemed to express some interest. 

“This is what you wanted, right?” You asked, looking up at him. 

He gave you a half-smile. “I was kinda hoping for it, I guess.” 

“Why are you worried, then?” You asked, tilting your head at him. “Don’t tell me you’re worried you won’t be any good at it.”

“Wow, harsh!” He nudged you with his elbow, but he was grinning. 

You rolled your eyes at him, nudging him back. “You’re a great fit for it, okay?” 

“Am I?” He hummed, closing the distance between you. You didn’t feel the need to move as you walked along, arms brushing each other. 

You knew that tone of voice. He was trying to lead you in a certain direction; to say certain things. Usually compliments that he’d laud over you later. Today, you’d take the bait willingly. But just this one time. 

“You’re gonna be great at it, Tetsurou,” you sighed. “You’re more caring than you let on, you’re mature enough, and you know how to use everyone’s strengths,” you rattled off, gripping the strap of your bag with blanched knuckles. “I can’t think of anyone better for the job.” 

You weren’t lying about any of it. He knew when to reign Yamamoto in, he gave Kenma space while still pushing him to be his best, and he’d long moved past his petty rivalry with Yaku. You’d watched him look after each and every one of his teammates in little ways, and you’d seen how he’d manage to bring them together as a cohesive unit – even though he hadn’t been in any position of authority.

You weren’t going to say all of that, of course. You weren’t even sure how to put it in a way that didn’t sound exceedingly awkward. But you admired him. A lot. 

You looked up at him. He’d stopped walking, and he’d brought one of his arms up to cover his face. You stepped towards him, tilting your head. 

“You okay?”

“Mhm.” His neck was a bright scarlet. You bit back a laugh.

“Tetsurou?” 

“Just give me a minute,” he mumbled, voice all muffled.

You laughed. “What’re you all embarrassed for?”

“I didn’t think you’d say that!” He whined, dropping his arm to his side and burying his hands in his pockets. His face was just as bright as his neck. It was kind of cute. 

“Oh come on, you were practically begging me to!” You scoffed, nudging him with your shoulder. “You’re not slick, you know!”

“Okay, maybe I was fishing for compliments,” he laughed, looping an arm around your shoulders in some attempt to contain you. “But you didn’t have to get so sappy!” 

“I wasn’t even that sappy,” you rolled your eyes, leaning into him. “You really can’t handle sincerity, can you?”

“Shut up.” 

✉

[god’s least favourite] 9:34 PM: oi

[YOU] 9:34 PM: rude 

[god’s least favourite] 9:34 PM: you do realise you’ve got to show me some more respect now 

[god’s least favourite] 9:34 PM: seeing as i’m captain and all

[YOU] 9:35 PM: bold of you to think i showed you any respect in the first place 

[god’s least favourite] 9:35 PM: excuse me 

[god’s least favourite] 9:35 PM: you’re officially obligated to refer to me as captain now 

[YOU] 9:36 PM: don’t wanna 

[YOU] 9:36 PM: manager trumps captain

[YOU] 9:36 PM: just ask the boys

[YOU] 9:36 PM: they’ll side with me on this one 

[god’s least favourite] 9:39 PM: good luck with that chemistry exam :) 

[YOU] 9:39 PM: NO TETSUROU I’M SORRY 

[YOU] 9:39 PM:  I TAKE IT BACK PLEASE 

✧ ✧ ✧

Inviting you to his house shouldn’t be a big deal. You’re friends. He’d been to your house a fair few times. He got along wonderfully with your family. He had no doubts that you’d get along well with his family, too. And there was absolutely nothing weird going on between the two of you. 

But for some reason, the thought of you meeting his family sparked a little anxiety inside his chest. And it certainly wasn’t helped by how smug his family was being about the whole thing. 

He’d managed to shake off his father and his grandfather, both of whom had busied themselves in the little vegetable garden for the morning. His grandmother, however, was an entirely different challenge. 

“So.” His grandmother smiled at him, tilting her head at him in a deceptively innocent way. “You’re inviting a girl over, Tetsu?”

“It’s not like that, Obaa-chan,” Kuroo sighed, running a hand through his hair. 

“Are you sure, Tetsu?” She chuckled. “That blush on your cheeks says otherwise.” 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kuroo mumbled, his brow furrowed as he poured some hot water into a little tea cup for her. 

“Well, your father and I were just innocently chatting about how you never bring girls over,” his grandmother said, her face graced with a mischievous smile. “Are you embarrassed by us, dear Tetsu?” 

“You caught me, Baa-chan,” he chuckled, using a spoon to mix a bit of honey into her tea. “I’m actually a bit of a Casanova.” 

She faked a gasp, placing an incensed hand on her chest. “Oh goodness, Tetsurou! I thought we raised you better than that!” 

“You know what they say,” Kuroo grinned. “Nature and nurture, and all that.” 

His grandmother chuckled. “Men really will find any excuse to be terrible people, won’t they?” 

He snorted at that. “Wow! I didn’t know you woke up today deciding to absolutely obliterate every man ever.” 

She cackled, shaking her head. Kuroo took a quick sip of the tea to test the temperature. Deciding it was appropriate, he turned around to give it to her, hoping his cheeks had cooled down at that point.

“Well, you must like this one more than the rest,” his grandmother cooed, resting her chin on her hand as he placed the tea cup in front of her. “Seeing as you’re bringing her over and all.” 

“She’s just a good friend,” Kuroo mumbled, scratching the back of his neck. 

“Blushing and scratching your neck!” His grandmother’s eyes shone with delight. “My, my, Tetsu, you are nervous.” 

He opened his mouth to retort, but nothing came. Sure, he usually got the jump on everyone else, but there was no outsmarting his own grandmother. 

The doorbell chimed through the house. 

“You better go and greet your lady, little Casanova,” his grandmother raised a pertinent eyebrow at him, taking a sip of her tea. 

“I told you, it’s not like that,” Kuroo huffed, waving a hand at her. 

“Whatever you say, Tetsu.”

But he was already gone, half-running to the front door. 

By the time he opened the door, you were halfway down the front path, back turned to him as you looked around. 

“Leaving already?” He smiled, trying to look as composed as possible.

“Yeah,” you grinned, looking over your shoulder at him. “Already bored.” 

Kuroo scoffed, shaking his head. “To think I offer you the privilege of coming to my house–” 

“Oh, yes, the great honour of being allowed into the Kuroo household,” you played along, half-skipping back to the front door and slipping your shoes off. “I will finally step foot in it’s hallowed halls… a privilege I have not yet been granted.” 

Kuroo snorted, moving to ruffle your hair. “You sound like someone out of one of Kenma’s games.” 

“That’s the point,” you shrugged, slapping his hand away. “Oi. I tried to make it look presentable.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” he chuckled, stepping aside to let you in. He did his absolute best to ignore just how pretty you looked today. 

He took a deep breath. Before you two would be allowed to just hang out, you’d have to meet his family. And though he loved them more than anything, they had the potential to cause quite the ruckus. 

But it went fine. His family managed to resist their innate urge to tease, and you held a conversation with each of them quite smoothly. His grandmother had taken a particular liking to you – as he’d expected – and he could tell that you were relieved by it. You hadn’t told him you were nervous about meeting his family, but he was well-acquainted with your tells. You’d relaxed within the hour, which was a feat worth celebrating. 

The only issue was that his family wouldn’t leave you alone. His father had left for work pretty soon after you’d arrived – but not before you’d noted the similarities between him and his son. Though you’d said his dad had better hair.  

His grandparents kept flitting between the living room and the kitchen, always finding some conversation to start before Kuroo could usher you out of there. He knew it should be annoying, but there’s something endearing about watching you talk to his grandmother so easily. And as always, his grandmother had really listened to him – he’d warned her a few days ago that you could get a bit nervous. He could see that she was doing everything she could to ensure you were comfortable. 

His grandmother didn’t say anything about their earlier conversation, much to his relief. Although, he’d appreciate it if she stopped waggling her eyebrows at him whenever your back was turned. 

But of course, your favourite member of his household was his dog. 

He was a friendly little thing, a little bigger than usual for his breed, but with a lot of love to give. You’d bonded immediately. 

“He’s beautiful,” you gasped, scratching behind the Akita’s ears. “What’s his name?”

“Kuroo Coco Sora Kuu Inu-chan.” 

You blinked up at him. “Why… why so many?”

“We couldn’t agree on one name when we first got him,” Kuroo shrugged. “So he has four names.”

“Who’s responsible for Inu-chan?” You smirked, turning your attention back to Kuroo Coco Sora Kuu Inu-chan. Maybe you’d just stick with Coco. 

“Well, uh…”

“Couldn’t think of anything more creative?” 

“Listen.” Kuroo held up his hands, crouching down next to you. “I was like… eleven?”

“That’s no excuse.” 

“I’d like to see you come up with something better,” he scoffed, placing a large hand on Coco’s head. 

“Oh, easy,” you said. 

“Yeah? Prove it.” 

“There are much more important things to think about, you know,” his grandmother called out, her head poking from round the corner with a bright grin.  

“My pride is on the line, Baa-chan,” Kuroo grinned. “If I’m going to be mocked, I’d like to see her do better.” 

“Well I need to steal her for a moment,” his grandmother beamed, turning to look at you. “Just ignore him, dearie. I have something to show you,” she smiled, eyes sparkling in the very same way Tetsurou’s did when he wanted to cause some mischief. So, it ran in the family. 

Next thing you knew, you were ushered to a couch with a mildly agitated Kuroo in tow.

“Take a look at these,” she said, handing you a pleather album as you sat yourself down. 

“Thank you,” you smiled, placing it in your lap. It felt almost sticky, the fabric and the corners well-worn with age. Kuroo plopped himself down next to you with a sigh, pouting a little. 

“Oh no,” Kuroo murmured as he noticed the object in your hands. 

“Oh yes,” his grandmother chuckled. 

Was this what you thought it was? You opened the book, to be greeted with – yep, that’s definitely Kuroo. As a very unfortunate-looking baby. 

“Do you have to?” He groaned, sinking his face into his hand. 

“Of course I do,” his grandmother said innocently. “That darling Kenma of yours found it quite amusing, didn’t he?” 

You smiled at that thought. Kenma wouldn’t have been awfully expressive, but you had the feeling that Kuroo’s grandmother was just as perceptive as the boy sitting next to you. Obnoxious cleverness seemed to be a Kuroo family trait. 

You turned the page, another set of baby photos ready to delight you. 

“Why do you look so angry?” You laughed, pointing at one of him in a bright yellow onesie, barely four months old. 

“Because they put me in that,” he said. 

“What about this one?” You asked, pointing at a very forlorn-looking toddler in a crib. 

“That’s probably the first moment I comprehended my mortality.” 

You snorted, turning the page once more. 

As you moved through his younger years, his grandmother began to regale you with the story behind each photo. You weren’t surprised to hear that there’s a chaotic element to most of them. And as she spoke, you could tell just how much she loved him. Just how proud she was of the young man he’d grown up to be. 

It made the whole experience all the more fun. There’s such a wealth of love amongst these pages, a sense of genuine and total adoration for the boy in the photos. His grandmother had acted like she had gotten this out to embarrass him – but, it seemed more like she’d wanted to brag about her little golden boy. 

There’s so many photos. Enough that you started to lose track. 

But, you froze immediately on a certain page. Two young boys, splattered with mud. One of them’s a little taller, grinning at the camera with a volleyball in hand. The other boy was hidden behind him, eyes a little round and spooked, but the smallest of smiles on his lips.

“Is that Kenma?” You gasped, leaning forward to get a better look. 

“The one and only,” Kuroo smiled. 

“He looks tiny!”

“He was.” 

“And that’s you?” You asked, pointing at a little boy with wild hair and a brilliant grin on his face. 

“Yeah,” he chuckled, his gaze settling on your face. 

“Your hair hasn’t changed,” you laughed, turning to smile at him. “Have you ever actually used a hairbrush? Or have you just made an active choice never to touch one?” 

“Look.” Kuroo shifted to face you a little more directly, jabbing one finger at his hair. “You try dealing with this every morning.” 

You laughed, returning to the album. You pressed a hand to your chest absent-mindedly. God, this feeling was a little overwhelming; if you were forced to put it into words, you’d settle on ‘absolute fondness’. All you knew was that looking at this photo made you feel so soft. So full of love. 

“You alright?” He asked, a hand instinctively moving to your back. 

“I’m fine,” you smiled. “Just a little emotional.” 

For whatever reason, he couldn’t stop looking at your face. He’d seen you smile plenty of times, and the expression always looked good on you. But there's something about this smile, in this moment, that’s so mesmerising. 

You didn’t notice, so engrossed in your own fondness as you look down at two of your closest friends, young, covered in mud and happy. It’s not your memory to look back on, but you’re glad you’ve been permitted a peek into it.

And Kuroo didn’t notice his grandmother watching him from the other side of the couch, observing him with a positively amused twinkle in her eye. 

She could already tell just how well you two got along. How happy you could make each other. And nothing could delight her more. And even if she hadn’t been watching you interact all day, this look he was giving you right now was evidence enough of the rich affection he held for you. 

She just hoped she wouldn’t have to knock some sense into the poor boy, dense as he can be. 

✉

[YOU] 9:33 PM: tetsu 

[YOU] 9:33 PM: tetsu tetsu tetsu

[emotionally constipated] 9:33 PM: mm? 

[YOU] 9:33 PM: i need photos of coco Right Now

[emotionally constipated] 9:33 PM: that’s inu-chan to you 

[YOU] 9:33 PM: tetsu i’m Desperate 

[YOU] 9:33 PM: i need to see him 

[YOU] 9:34 PM: if i don’t see him i’ll Die 

[YOU] 9:34 PM: also please tell your grandmother that i adore her

[emotionally constipated] 9:34 PM: hahah i’m glad you had such a good time 

[YOU] 9:35 PM: i really did :( 

[YOU] 9:35 PM: can i move into your attic?

[emotionally constipated] 9:35 PM: no

✧ ✧ ✧

"They're going to be a handful," you smiled, zipping up your bag.

"Yeah," he chuckled, looking down at your hunched form. "But you're already attached to them, right?"

"They're sweet," you said, standing up. "And, I think they've got a lot of potential."

"For giving Yaku an aneurism, maybe."

"But Tetsurou," you grinned, "that's the best part!"

"Got it in for Yaku, have you?" He raised an eyebrow at you, but he did a pretty poor job of wiping the smile off his own face.

"Don't push your agenda onto me," you chuckled. "I'm not the one who had stupid little spats with him, you know."

"What can I say? I was young and foolish, once upon a time."

"You say that like you're a geriatric."

"I've grown a lot this past year," he sighed, holding up his hands.

You shot him a look; one that's supposed to tell him how very silly he was. But he'd been getting better at reading in-between the lines, and he knew that there's fondness there. A deep, untempered well of fondness that neither of you knew how to put into words.

"Bold words, from someone who still laughs at the word 'cock'." That wasn’t quite what he’d expected you to say, but they were certainly words he had to defend himself against.

"Look, I'm just saying that it’s exactly the sort of word they'd use in porn–"

"Oh, so you do watch it then?"

It’s not that he thought there’s anything all that wrong with watching porn. He’s a teenager – he was going to get curious. And that was fine. But the thought of you knowing about it made him nervous. What if you thought less of him for it, for whatever reason? What if the knowledge made you uncomfortable?

"I–" He stuttered, painfully aware of how clammy his hands were."I didn't necessarily say that–"

"Then how do you know?" A smile he didn’t quite like spread across your face.

"I just– Yamamoto–"

"I can't believe you'd throw him under the bus like this!" You gasped.

"I'm not, I'm just relaying a fact–" He could feel his ears burning.

"And here I was, thinking you'd be the sort of captain who'd look out for his teammates. You know what, Tetsurou? I'm surprised and disappointed." You were having far too much fun with this. And he was playing right into your hands.

"I can't believe you're persecuting me for no good reason." He tried to find his footing again, to try and turn it on you. He knew it’s not going to work, but it’s worth a try.

"I have a perfectly adequate reason, thank you very much."

"Yeah? And what's that?"

"You're a teenage boy. You know… a scourge on this planet." You lowered your voice, as if you were letting him in on a dark secret.

"Excuse me?"

"I meant what I said."

"Then why be our manager, hm? Why subject yourself to the company of teenage boys every day?"

You laughed. He knew he loved the sound a little more than he should. "Well, you got me there."

He smiled at you. God, he hoped his face wasn’t giving too much away.

You’re just chatting in a gym. Just acting like teenagers. But it's the type of moment he's grateful for. The sort that made him feel bad for that multitude of other universes where he didn’t have the privilege of knowing you. He felt a little cocky about it, too, even if that's a bit childish.

"Hurry up," he sighed, nudging you with his elbow. "I wanna go home."

"Yeah, yeah," you sighed. "Thank you, by the way."

"Hm?"

"For still walking me home," you smiled up at him. "I don't think I've said thanks yet."

"Pft." Kuroo shook his head. "You don't deserve it, I can tell you that."

You faked a gasp, one hand on your chest. "And here I thought we were friends."

"And here I thought that you held me in higher esteem," he chuckled.

"Huh?" You tilted your head at him as you walked towards the doors of the gym.

"You think I'm just a… you know," he grinned, leaning down closer to you. He didn’t catch the blush on your cheeks as you stepped out into the dusk. "A teenage boy."

You laughed, shaking your head. "Wow, you really took that to heart, huh?"

"Here I am, subjecting myself to the mortifying ordeal of being known, and you have the gall to speak to me like this," he sighed, looking up to the sky.

"Oh, you're not so bad," you giggled, looping your arm through his. He thought his heart might give out, small as the gesture may be. "If it makes you feel any better… you're my favourite teenage boy."

Oh, now that's just too much.

"Oi," he barked, nudging you a little roughly. You just laughed. "You can't just say shit like that."

"Why not?"

"Because–" The words caught in his throat, and he didn’t quite know what to say. There were so many ways this could go; some of them were frankly terrifying. "You've just gotta warn a guy before being that sappy, alright?"

So, he evaded.

"I'll be more careful next time," you bit your lip. But you smiled.

✉

[the worst member of the kuroo household] 12:24 AM: fyi, if i did in fact watch porn, i'd want you to know that i'd ensure it was ethically sourced

[YOU] 12:24 AM: tetsurou it is 12:30 in the morning

[YOU] 12:24 AM: what does this even mean

[YOU] 12:24 AM: why do i need to know this

[YOU] 12:24 AM: what are you even doing up

[YOU] 12:24 AM: don't tell me–

[YOU] 12:25 AM: omg do 10 cents of your proceeds go to farmers

[YOU] 12:25 AM: OMG sustainable porn

[YOU] 12:25 AM: i'm so proud of you for doing your part for the environment :')

[the worst member of the kuroo household] 12:25 AM: WHY ARE YOU ASSUMING THE WORST

[the worst member of the kuroo household] 12:25 AM: I'M NOT DLKDDKLJ I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M NOT SUPPORTING A SHITTY INDUSTRY OKAY

[the worst member of the kuroo household] 12:26 AM: i know parts of it are bad and exploitative and if i did so happen to consume that kind of content, i'd avoid that. that's all i'm trying to say

[YOU] 12:26 AM: omg, look at you supporting indie artists

[the worst member of the kuroo household] 12:26 AM: i'm losing my mind–

[YOU] 12:26 AM: it's okay, for your sake i'll pretend i can't read

[the worst member of the kuroo household] 12:26 AM: please don't send this to yaku

[YOU] 12:27 AM: :)

[the worst member of the kuroo household] 12:29 AM: wait, what are you even doing up?

[YOU] 12:29 AM: ;) none of your business, that's what

[the worst member of the kuroo household] 12:30 AM: DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT

[YOU] 12:30 AM: ;)

✧ ✧ ✧

Kuroo didn’t mean to stare. It’s just that during practice, his gaze always found its way back to you. 

He just liked making sure you’re doing okay. During second year, he’d check for signs of anxiety or discomfort; you had understandably feared a hit from a stray ball, and you had seemed to find the third years too intimidating to really connect with. But now? 

Now, he had the pleasure of watching you flourish. You managed to get along with each member of the team so well, from Inuoka to Kenma. You always seemed to know the right thing to say, the right way to encourage them (or in a certain setter’s case, when to give them some space). To varying degrees, they’d come to rely on you – both as a manager, and as a friend. You hadn’t shied away from the challenge. You’d taken the time to get to know each and every one of them; ‘my kids,’ as you’d called them in conversation with your other third years. Yaku had kicked up a fuss to that little moniker, but he was outnumbered.  

Most importantly, you were smiling a lot more. Kuroo knew that those feelings you were grappling with didn’t go away overnight. They didn’t pack themselves up and disappear because you’d found one good thing in life. But there’s relief in knowing you’ve got people to rely on, people who helped make you smile. He knew, for certain, that you had a support system that adored you. And he couldn’t feel more humbled to be a part of it. 

So, maybe he wasn’t just checking to see if you’re okay. Not anymore, at least. 

No, he just liked seeing you be happy. 

At that moment, you were sat on the ground, bandages in your lap with a water bottle and bunch of bananas to one side and Lev to the other. You were tending to an minor injury he’d gotten as the result of a rather stupid little accident. Kuroo was close enough that he could hear you; as per usual with Lev, you were gently reprimanding him. With good reason. 

“You’ve gotta be more careful,” you hummed, wrapping a bandage gently around Lev’s finger. You weren’t quite sure what had happened – as far as you could tell, he’d somehow tried to hit the ball incorrectly? – but Lev had to sit out for a while. 

And he hated it. He wasn’t very good at masking his emotions. Nor did he feel much of a need to even try. 

“I am,” he whined, pouting at you. You hadn’t known him for all that long, in the grand scheme of things. But Lev was a pretty easy guy to pin down. 

Your eyes flashed as you looked up at him, and he wilted. 

“You just wanted to look cool, didn’t you?” 

“Well what’s the point if I don’t look cool?” He grumbled, shoulders slouching.

You laughed, patting him on the arm. “You do realise volleyball isn’t all about looking cool, right? I’ve heard Kuroo try and explain that to you far too many times.” 

Out of all the first years, Lev had been the most… difficult. Inuoka was good-natured if excitable, Shibayama was gentle and well-meaning, and Teshiro was generally well-behaved. 

But Lev? Lev was a force of nature. You’d call him a whirlwind, but that didn’t seem wild enough. He was something like an earthquake and a fire storm happening all that once. And he didn’t seem to have any awareness of that. 

“Now, try to be more careful,” you smiled, tilting your head at him. ��I want to see you out on the court! I love seeing that spike of yours!”

Lev beamed at that, his shoulders perking right up. If there was one thing Lev responded well to, it was praise. You just had to work out how to use that to your advantage. By some stroke of luck, he happened to be quite fond of you. That, at least, made your job easier. 

“But, you’ve got to listen to Kuroo more,” you sighed, standing up and crossing your arms. “And Yaku, for that matter. If you want to become Nekoma’s ace, you’ve got to get pretty damn good at defense, too.” 

Lev opened his mouth to reply, but you shook your head. “Trust me. You’ll shoot your way to the top in no time.” 

He made a little sound in the back of his throat, wiggling his now bandaged finger. 

“And eat this,” you sighed, handing him a banana. “Keep your sugars up.” 

Lev wasn’t looking at you or the banana. Instead, he was staring at something beyond you, his eyes glinting with a certain intensity you’d come to dread. 

“What are you staring at?” You frowned, looking over your shoulder. 

“If I got enough of a running start, do you think I could jump over the net?”

“Lev, no!” 

Across the gym, Kuroo bit his lip, holding back a cackle. 

You’d really stepped into your role as manager, hadn’t you? You’d lost much of that initial nervousness, and you’d bonded with the first years quite well. You talked freely with the team, and you weren’t afraid to speak up if you had an idea or an observation. You laughed a lot more, too; whether that be at some of the antics the first years got up to or at Fukunaga’s puns or at Yamamoto being Yamamoto. No matter the source, he was always glad to hear the sound of your laugh ring out in the gym. 

You seemed happy; joyful, even. Knowing that you had people you connected with, people you felt comfortable with was a relief. The team was closer now than it had ever been – and you’d even admitted to him, very quietly, that you felt a bit less lonely. That alone made Kuroo feel like he’d made the right choice in wrangling you this mad little group.   

“You’re so obvious,” Yaku scoffed, rolling his eyes at Kuroo. 

Kuroo flinched, taken completely unawares. He looked to his side quickly, noting that both Yaku and Kai were giving him a certain knowing look that he didn’t like. Whatever they were thinking, it wasn’t good. 

“Hah?” Kuroo raised an eyebrow at his friend, pushing away the scant bit of panic that gripped his chest. 

“Staring at her during every practice isn’t exactly subtle,” Yaku snorted, wiping his forehead. “She’s going to catch on eventually.” 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kuroo mumbled, lifting his water bottle to his lips. 

Kai chuckled, bringing one fist up to cover his mouth.

“Oi,” Kuroo huffed, “Stop it.” 

“Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me,” Yaku grinned. “For now.” 

“Shut up,” Kuroo bunted Yaku’s back with one knee, violently hoping that his cheeks weren’t all red. 

“You’re really punching above your weight, you know,” Yaku sighed, propping his hands on his hips. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Oh, it’s on. 

Across the gym, you walked up to Kenma, a frown on your face. 

“I thought those two were supposed to have sorted things out?” You frowned, looking at Yaku and Kuroo mouthing off at each other. You couldn’t quite hear what they were saying, but they looked fervent. 

Kenma shrugged. “I dunno. They’re both pretty easy to rile up, so…” 

You smiled to yourself. Sure, everyone on the team was a little stupid in their own way. But that’s what made them all so endearing. So endearing, in fact, that you wanted to look after them as best you could. 

And you honestly tried not to play favourites. But it’s hard for you to not pay particular attention to a certain middle blocker. 

✉

[YOU] 9:46 PM: yaku asked me to tell you to stop bullying him 

[ethically sourced :)] 9:46 PM: I WASN’T BULLYING HIM 

[YOU] 9:46 PM: but you were shouting at him  

[ethically sourced :)] 9:47 PM: he deserved it

[YOU] 9:47 PM: i’ll be the judge of that

[YOU] 9:47 PM: what were you even arguing about?

[ethically sourced :)] 10:12 PM: doesn’t matter 

[ethically sourced :)] 10:12  PM: anyway do you think it’s possible to pavlov lev? 

[YOU] 10:12 PM: that’s one way to derail the conversation

[YOU] 10:16 PM: with what? 

[ethically sourced :)] 10:16 PM: praise

[ethically sourced :)] 10:16 PM: specifically from you

[YOU] 10:16 PM: LKJDDKJL why?

[ethically sourced :)] 10:16 PM: because there’s nothing more motivating than that 

[ethically sourced :)] 10:18 PM: for the first years

[ethically sourced :)] 10:18 PM: i meant for the first years 

[ethically source :)] 10:20 PM: not me :)

[YOU] 10:21 PM: you know tetsu, lying is bad for the soul

✧ ✧ ✧

"Yeah, but who are we gonna date?" You huffed, brow furrowed as you glared at the screen. The synths of Persona 5’s idle music provided a deceptively soothing ambience as you made the protagonist run around in circles. 

The two of you sat on your bedroom floor with a smorgasbord of snacks, your backs relaxed against your bed frame. This issue of ‘who should we date?’ had been a consistent topic of conversation for the past two weeks. Kuroo was sure that it’d never get resolved. 

"My vote's for Makato," he shrugged, reaching into the bag of chips and taking a handful.

"You're so typical," you scoffed, shaking your head.

"Look," he laughed, "We can date Ann if you really want to."

"I'm just confused as to why you don't want to." You pouted at him as you sat with your backs against your bed, shoulders pressed together. 

The issue of Takamaki Ann had been a surprising one to you; your argument was that she’d been the protagonist’s second friend, and had a wonderful bond with him. Kuroo had been less convinced. 

"It's not that I don't want to," Kuroo grinned. "It just feels like… I'm giving in."

"Giving in?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "You know."

"To… the boobs?"

He cackled at that. "That's one way of putting it."

"But she's an angel," you pouted. "It's not her fault she got put in the latex catsuit."

Kuroo grinned. "See, it's fine for you if you wanna date her. If I choose Ann, then I'm the target audience, you know? I've given into the whole pervert thing."

"I think you're forgetting that you can date your teacher in this game."

"I'd genuinely blocked that out."

You smiled at him, and his heart squeezed a little. He couldn't say why, though.

"Alright, compromise. Who did Kenma date?"

"Uh… last time he played, he did the whole harem thing."

"The whole harem?"

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Including the teacher?"

"Of course."

You stared at him for a moment, expression something akin to shock.

"It was for an achievement," Kuroo shrugged.

“There’s... a harem achievement?” You frowned. 

“Nah,” he shook his head. “But you get an achievement for dating all the romance options, and he didn’t really want to play the game ten times over.”

"Oh," you nodded. "Right."

A pause.

"He doesn't have a favourite?"

"I guess if he was forced to pick, he'd go with Futaba."

"Makes sense," you nodded, a little pout on your face. Kuroo couldn’t help but smile at the look on your face. 

Kuroo chuckled, shaking his head. “And does it not make sense for me to choose Makato?”

“I didn’t say that,” you rolled your eyes, pressing your arm against his.

He grinned, reaching over and plucking the controller from your hands. 

“Hey!”

“It’s my turn to play,” he smiled. “And I’m going to go and hang out with Makato.” 

You sighed, resting your head on his shoulder. You’d been doing that more and more recently. He still wasn’t quite used to it. “I’m not saying you can’t like her. I mean, she's great, but… Ann's right there." 

He didn’t say that it’s because Makato kind of reminded him of you. She’s smart, if a little stupid sometimes. You’re not the same person by any stretch of the imagination, but he couldn’t get the association out of his head when he had first noticed it. It had endeared her towards him – maybe more than it should have. 

There was certainly some irony in the fact that she was the girl you were least interested in dating. 

You gasped suddenly, sitting up straight.

"What?" Kuroo frowned, disguising genuine concern with annoyance.

"There's still another team member we haven't met yet, right?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"What if we want to date her?"

Kuroo laughed, resting his head against the bed. It’s nice to see you get invested in this so much. There’s something of a mix between pride and delight in his chest, knowing he’d brought you something that made you smile. There’s a part of him that wanted to make sure you’ve always got something to smile about. 

He’s relieved, really, that you had agreed to play this with him. It was quite the commitment – Kenma’s playthrough had ended up being what, one-hundred and thirty hours? – but Kuroo had asked you if you’d be up for it anyway. 

You’d agreed, and he’d felt unreasonably delighted by that. It was a bit stupid, but he liked that the game gave him a reason to spend time with you. Well, even more time with you. When Kenma had told him just how long a single playthrough took, Kuroo had immediately presented the game to you. 

It’s not like the two of you were spending less time together. It’s not even like he needed to have a consistent reason to spend time with you either. It had become something of a routine to spend every second evening at either of your houses; the general idea was still to study, but it was easier and easier to get distracted these days. Not that he was letting you get lazy or anything like that. There was just too much to talk about. 

Hell, you even knew each other’s families quite well at this point. Your family loved him, much to his relief. And, his family still adored you. His grandparents were still sending him knowing looks over dinner, even when you weren’t there. If he so much as mentioned your name in conversation, they’d start chuckling. 

It’s just that you’re a part of his life now. Someone who brought him comfort. Someone who could help him relax. And he wanted to hold onto that as best as he could. 

✉

[YOU] 12:01 PM: tetsu

[YOU] 12:01 PM: testu tetsu 

[YOU] 12:01 PM: i desperately need your help :( 

[tetsuwu] 12:01 PM: are you okay? 

[tetsuwu] 12:01 PM: what can i do? 

[YOU] 12:06 PM: i can’t stop changing my mind about which girl to date 

[tetsuwu] 12:06 PM: oh my

[tetsuwu] 12:06 PM: GOD you had me genuinely worried 

[YOU] 12:07 PM: :) 

[tetsuwu] 12:07 PM: we can date ann if you really want 

[YOU] 12:07 PM: it’s just that i think she’s the best match for the protagonist, you know?

[tetsuwu] 12:07 PM: yeah

[tetsuwu] 12:07 PM: the silent protagonist who barely has a personality except for what you project onto him

[YOU] 12:08 PM: D: so utilitarian

[tetsuwu] 12:08 PM: what? i’m right  

[YOU] 12:09 PM: but tetsu my Immersion

[tetsuwu] 12:09 PM: you’ll live

[tetsuwu] 12:09 PM: also for the love of god can we please change my name from tetsuwu

[YOU] 12:09 PM: >:) 

✧ ✧ ✧

"I'm excited!" You beamed up at him, notebook clutched to your chest and jacket tied around your waist.

"You sure you can handle it?" He grinned, ruffling your hair habitually. "There's gonna be a lot of teenage boys running about. I'm not sure you're ready for such unbridled chaos."

“Surely they can’t be much worse than our kids,” you smiled. “I mean, there’s Karasuno. But I’m as used to them as I can be. I think.” 

“Bold of you to assume that you’d ever be used to Karasuno,” he chuckled, shaking his head. 

“Yeah, that’s fair,” you laughed. “I used to think that our kids were super chaotic, but then…” 

Kuroo smiled to himself. Seeing you get so excited for this training camp did his heart some good. 

He couldn’t have imagined you being like this when he had first met you in second year; you’d really begun to open up, to express yourself. You were actually looking forward to working with the other managers. You’d even spoken about making friends with them. Honestly, it’s sweet. 

“Don’t forget to do your work, though,” he yawned as the two of you came to a stop in front of your house. Practice had run a little later than usual, which had messed up his plans a bit. He’d wanted to get home to work on his literature essay – the current bane of his existence – and to get your help. 

“Yeah, yeah,” you smiled. “Don’t worry, I’m on top of things. That timetable you made me really helps.”

He felt a little swell of pride at that. The study timetable had been primarily a test run, a set of suggestions he’d put forward in an attempt to help you quell your anxieties. But, it had worked wonderfully. He’d done his best to account for your study habits, practice, and the fact that the two of you literally couldn’t get through twenty minutes without having a conversation that went completely off topic.  

Suffice to say that even he was impressed with how effective the timetable had actually been. 

“Anyway,” you yawned, waving at him as you turned to open your front door. “Goodnight.” 

“Oh, before you go,” he cleared his throat, making you turn back around. 

“Everything okay?” You asked. 

“Can I be a bother and ask you to read over my literature essay?” He asked, scratching the back of his neck. “I know it’s late, but…” 

“Sure,” you nodded. “On one condition.” 

He paused. He’d said those words to you once, hadn’t he? 

“You want me to buy you yakisoba, don’t you?” He grinned, pushing that little memory aside. 

You pouted. “How’d you know?”

“You’ve been craving it all week.” 

“Oh.” Your pout deepened. You always pulled this expression when he managed to be one step ahead.

“I’ll do it,” he shrugged. “But only because I’m desperate.”

You let out a little ‘whoop’, turning back to your door with a little jump. God, you could be so cute sometimes. 

And then you were gone, flying through your front door with a simple, “see you later, Tetsu!” 

He watched you go with a frown etched on his brow.

It's an inconspicuous little revelation, almost annoying in its mundanity.

How hadn't he noticed you before? Why had it taken you begging him for help for him to look your way?

You were captivating.

It's in the way your eyes lit up whenever you spoke about your passions – even if it was just which girl you should date in a video game. It's in the variations of your laugh, each timbre seemingly tailored to each brand of stupid thing he might say. It's in how your hands tended to each and every member of the team with such sincere adoration. Even with him.

It's how you’re in all of him. In every thought, every decision, every absent-minded daydream. In each and every time he stopped and wondered, "what would she think?" In how every time he learned something new, saw something funny, he wanted to tell you about it. In how he'd structure his week around when he got to spend time with you.

But he's just a high school student. Just a boy.

And that's not how love had been explained to him. Not as something so quiet. Not as something so natural, so comfortable, with someone who brought him such comfort. Love was supposed to be difficult, challenging. It was supposed to choke you. Love was supposed to slap you in the face, demanding and all-consuming.

So, he figured it must not be love. He hoped it's not love. It must have been something else entirely.

What that was, he didn’t know.

✉

[father of nine] 10:36 PM: here’s my essay

[father of nine] 10:36 PM: please tell me it makes some sense

[YOU] 10:36 PM: shh stop being so hard on yourself 

[YOU] 10:37 PM: it can’t be worse than inuoka’s history essay, bless his soul 

[father of nine] 10:37 PM: you’re an angel, thanks 

[father of nine] 10:37 PM: * angle

[YOU] 10:37 PM: you say that like i’m not doing this for a price

[father of nine] 10:37 PM: you say that like you wouldn’t crack eventually 

[YOU] 10:38 PM: oh, so you’ve got the gall to push your luck, do you? 

[father of nine] 10:38 PM: :)

[fangirl-everythang]

Happy Father's Day

Summary: (1/3) Y/n hasn't told Harry that she is pregnant yet, however, when the day comes around she finds out he's cheating.

Warning: Swearing, Taylor Swift Bashing (I love Taylor don't get me wrong, it's just for the story's sake.)

Word Count: 1492

It's been 5 weeks since I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to tell Harry the moment I found out. I scheduled a doctor's appointment to confirm it because you can't really trust generic pregnancy. But when the doctor confirmed it, I had no idea how to respond.

Hiding this from him has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Harry and I have been together for almost five years now. We met at his twenty-second birthday party in New York, I was twenty. He was pretty upset that he still had to tour for his birthday, but he said it was great making a new friend. Next thing you know we went public after two and moved in together for our third year. I'm so in love with him, but our careers are taking off, a baby would just interfere with all of it however Harry has always wanted children. He'd make such a great dad too, I can only imagine what our family will look like. But these thoughts often consume me, what if he doesn't want this?

I thought Father's Day would be the best day to tell him, you know like a surprise, and what a better time unless of course, he doesn't want our child. Our parents are coming over because of course, we have gifts and brunch so it's like three for one.

I've been distant from him recently, he's so concerned about me he thinks something is terribly wrong with my morning sickness and all. I figured I'd tell him with a gift which is a wooden base with yarn woven letters made of nails that spells 'dad' with the first ultrasound underneath, there's a card too! I'm so excited to finally start a family with Harry, I just hope he feels the same way. I have mugs for each of our dads that say, 'soon to be grandfather'. Honestly, I couldn't be happier. Opening the front door, I place the keys on the table next to me and walk the bags to the living room. That's funny Harry would've greeted me by now? He's probably asleep.

Setting up for later, I bring the balloons over realizing the tablecloths are upstairs. I work my way up the steps. These are gonna be a hassle with an extra 30-40 pounds on me. The closer I get to the top, I hear a light moan.

"I love y/n, she can't know about this" Harry's voice spoke.

Tiptoeing to peak into our bedroom I see my beloved boyfriend, father of my child shirtless kissing a pant-less Taylor Swift. Wow. Just my, fucking luck. Of course, he would! I mean what was I thinking.

"Of course not, my reputation is already bad" she breathes, cupping the side of his face.

I just watch him continue to kiss her after leaning into her touch. Debating whether to go in there, I feel frozen in my steps.

"This doesn't feel right" his deep voice sighs. No shit.

"She doesn't even care about you Harry, isn't that what you told me?" She says sweetly, such a snake.

He sighs and flips them, the scene before me, causes tears to come to my eyes. Opening the door making my presence known Harry turns to me with wide eyes while Taylor scrambles to find her pants and shirt.

"Y/n it's not-"

"I don't want to hear it" I say to him. Irritation and disgust line my voice. Grabbing the table covers I go back downstairs. I have what I need. After looking at my presentation admiring the work I've done. Harry and Taylor both come downstairs. His eyes red and puffy. I swear the tears make his eyes appear more beautiful, I hope my child has his eyes at least.

Astounded by my quiet stature he sits next to me and I stiffen. I'm just quiet because it's keeping me from crying. Taylor stares blankly at the floor.

"Why the fuck are you still here? Leave." I spit at her.

Oh, how I wish I could drink.

The doorbell rings alarming Taylor. I just walk her to the door and invite our parents in "Thank you Taylor" I say sincerely seeing her nod and pull off fast in her car. Tramp.

"What's that about?" Anne ask,

" New music" she smiles and comes in with everyone trailing her steps.

"Harry what's wrong love?" she asks wiping his tears.

"Nothing just allergies mum" she pats his back and sits at the table.

"Five years, I cannot believe it, Harry it's the longest you've had!" Rob states. "And the fans love you Y/n" Anne adds lightly patting my shoulder. "Our little girls all grown up" y/m/n wipes a fake tear from her eye. Everyone laughs. Thank god Harry is next to me so I don't have to look at him. He places his hand in my lap, but I push it off, going unnoticed by the crowd around us.

"Gift time!" I exclaim as he tries again. Placing each one down in-front of them, they all look up slightly confused.

"What's this?" Y/d/n ask.

"Open them, Haz just wait a few seconds after" they all agree. Rob opening his first then y/d/n they look at me then Harry, our moms looks match Harry's as he unwraps his gift. Stunned he looks at me with tears in his eyes. "Y-you're pregnant?"

"Yeah, surprise." Our parents run up to hug us.

"It's about time, I'm getting old over here!" Y/m/n shouts. Once they leave excitedly picking out baby names. I refuse to look at Harry. I make my way upstairs and begin packing some clothing.

"W-what are you doing?" Harry ask quietly.

"What does it look like Harry?" I say pushing past him going to the bathroom and grabbing some necessities. He just leans on the door frame watching me, still refusing to look at him. At first, I cared but I've made up my mind.

"How far along are we?"

"I'm almost 6 weeks but that doesn't matter" trying to walk past him he just grabs my arm and pulls me into him.

"I love you so much," he cries into my neck. I just stand there, motionless "I'm such a fuck up. Please don't leave me. I want to be here for you, for our baby. Y/n please." His hot tears continue to stream onto my shirt leaving a wet patch.

I soon give in rubbing his back gently. "Calm down Harry," I whisper into his ear as his sobs get louder "Breathe, okay."

Sitting on the closest surface near me, today has been long; I'm tired and pregnant give me a break. He stands between my legs looking down at me. I love him I do, and I want the best for our child, but this hurt. The one request I've had is he doesn't cheat, and he did. I stare at my feet avoiding him at all cost until his hand lifts my chin, forcing me to look at him. "I'm not asking you to forgive me, but I am asking you to stay." He states softly placing a random string of hair behind my ear. He slowly starts leaning in I don't stop him. Suddenly feeling nauseous at the thought of him kissing Taylor, I shove him away from me crying.

He tries to hold me, but I just shake my head frantically, "Harry No," I cry. "How could you!? In our house Harry!" I shout. Continuing to pack my things making myself mad at the thought of his hands all over his ex.

"Y/n I'm so sorry please just stop," clothes I need clothes, just for a few days I'll buy more later. Walking into the bedroom opening my laptop ignoring his pleads. I book a hotel for two weeks, until I situate what is happening. He just sits on the bed trying to see what I'm doing but I soon erased my browser history and factory restarted the device so he can't track anything. Let's combine our accounts so our calendars sync. A swell idea. Wiping my tears, I pack outfits for each day that wouldn't show anything to the paparazzi. He sits there with his head in his hand's sharp intakes of breath audible.

As I approach him, he assumes I'm going to touch him, but I simply go into the drawer next to him. Cringing at the thought of him and Taylor who were here not over 6 hours ago, Grasping the more recent black and white photos gently until I get a photo album for them. Contemplating for a minute looking at the small framed version of my uterus I carefully tear one off handing to him before I seal my bag and walk away, taking my keys and loading my stuff in the backseat.

Looking through the rearview mirror, saying a silent goodbye to the home I hoped to raise my child. It'll get better- I hope.

A/n: Hello Loves! This is also a piece I had on wattpad. Most of these posts today will be Wattpad uploads. I'm trying to see which platform suits my work best. Bear with me while I figure Tumblr out. Masterlist coming soon!

xoxo Janelle

[nadezhda-wexler]

A Moment In Time, Again and Again

Hello @xoxobuckybarnes, It is I, your Summer Fic Exchange writer for @b99fandomevents.  Thank you for all your amazing prompts, but I ended up choosing “The Squad after ten years”. I really hope you enjoy it.

Also a few points:

 1) The whole story is non-linear. It’s like a series of snapshots. It’s related, but chronologically the don’t really make sense

2) It is smut adjacent? Implied smut? Idk, It’s just a few lines because honestly, it’s my first time writing anything like that

3) There might be some spelling errors and grammatical error, sorry if they put a damper on your experience

4) Thank you @b99fandomevents for giving this chance

5) MOST IMPORTANTLY: I hope you enjoy it.

There were many reasons Amy thought that might bring the squad together- well, mainly one- Scully dying (the man was already decaying when she was in the precinct), but this was not it. In fact, this was the opposite of it.

  She reads the sign again, still wondering if she dreamt it up. But nope. Norm Scully and Cindy Shatz were indeed getting married. 

  Amy walks into her old turf: Shaw’s Bar. She feels like she stepped into another universe, everything is different, but somehow, the same. It’s the place she came to right after her wedding. The stools are different and the bar more worn, but the place still feels warm like her wedding night. The back door leads right to the alley where she once tried to conceive (that was a low point) and judging by the fact the Hitchcock is standing right outside the bathroom with Scully nowhere in sight, she guesses even the bathroom smells (stinks) the same. 

  Her eyes sweep over the room, she can see Rosa and Gina huddles together and she already feels bad for their victim, Holt and Kevin are talking to Terry- it never stops amusing her seeing the very passionate Captain Jeffords squared against impassive Retd Captain Holt and Kevin. Charles is haranguing the caterers, when she hears a voice from behind: “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”

They had just gotten into the airport- Jake is bringing all their luggage while she is trying to get her children to calm down. While Maya knows everyone in the squad, Mac has lived with them more. So Mac has decided to fill in the blanks. His stories are wild and absolutely untrue and Maya is hanging onto each word. She was looking to see where her husband was when Maya suddenly tugged her hand and asked in wonder “Did Daddy really catch a thief by sending Mac in undercover?” “No. Your daddy never sent Mac undercover because he isn’t a cop and he is a baby”. “Well, I am not a baby and dad did do that, he just didn’t tell you”

 “What didn’t I tell your mom?”Jake joins them, luggage in tow. “That you sent me undercover to catch that thief” “Mac”, Jake says with fake indignation. “You weren’t supposed to tell that. It was our secret”  Mac’s eyes has that same mischievous glint she has seen a million times on her husband’s face as he says he told her to maya and launches into his story. They’re loading their luggage into the cart when Jake’s phone buzzes. “That’s Charles and he has already called me 5 times and messaged me a lot. I stopped counting after 10”, Jake says. “Kids, your Uncle Charles is waiting. You know how he gets when you are late!”, he adds.

  Mac, without any prompt, holds his sister's hands, so as to not lose her, still continuing with the  stories of his feats, she’s sure, without missing a beat. Her heart swells as she watches her kids, Mac being a protective older brother and Maya holding onto his hands and words. Her husband’s hand slips into hers as he asks “You ready to go?” She couldn’t be happier.

"Captain Santiago"

"Captain Holt! Hi!" Apparently even his retirement hasn't made Santiago less flustered. He won't deny there is a part of him that enjoys the reverence. "How was your first year running a precinct, Captain?" He enjoys calling her Captain almost as much as she enjoys hearing it. 

"Great! Super cool. Fantastic. Dope. No diggity no doubt" He briefly wonders if she had a stroke. 

"Okay, you saw right through me. It's not been easy. Manhattan is completely different from Brooklyn. The squad is also new, they all just transferred about a month or two before me. So they don't even know each other so everyone is walking on tiptoes. And they follow everything I say, but don't really see me as a leader."

"Well, the first precinct I ran, I had a detective who only cared about closing cases, everyone in the squad thought I was a robot, my two best detectives had a bet with each other, my Sargent was chained to the desk and the office administrator was Gina and I had Hitchcock and Scully"

"You are right. I shouldn't complain. I don't have a Hitchcock and Scully"

"No. But that was not what I was trying to say. Once I got closer to all of them, I realised that the detective who did not care, cares not just care about closing cases, the bet made both detectives better, my Sargent saved my life, Gina is still Gina and that being a robot doesn't make me a worse Captain. What you need to do Santiago, is trust your squad. You have a unique opportunity to build this team. But you cannot do that without unflinching trust. So trust them. Help them and let them help you. And if you ever feel the need, please do not hesitate to contact me. I might have retired from the force, but not from being your mentor"

"Wow! Thank you so much Captain. That means the world to me." Some people might call Amy Santiago a teacher's pet in an attempt to mock her, but the truth is she is a teacher's pet because she is a brilliant student. She revels in learning and enjoys implementing her knowledge even more. She is a teacher's pet not just because she is adept at brown nosing- which she admittedly does sometimes, but because she will be the student that teachers can one day be proud of. He might tell her this if it did not make her explode and also because Amy Santiago understands him, so he just smiles.

  They had barely reached the terminal before Charles pounced on Jake. Amy and the kids barely had the time to move away from being hit. Genevieve and Amy unload the luggage while the kids catch up. It takes the men one whole minute before they let go. 

  "Genevieve, thank you so much for taking the kids", Amy says.

  "Of course Nikolaj loves hanging out with Mac and Maya. It's my pleasure to watch them."

  "Still, thank you! And Jake-"

  "NO!", Charles almost pushes her down trying to get between Jake and her. "You get him every other day Amy, you cannot poach him away today."

  "Charles, I am not trying to poach him away. I just wanted to tell him to enjoy the night and have fun. Also you visited not three weeks ago and you guys FaceTime constantly."

  "FaceTiming is not the same Amy! It has been 28 days, 14 hours aaand three minutes since I have been covered in Jake's musk"

  “Ugh! Alright", Jake says. "Charles, why don't you take these two bags and load them into the cab while Amy and I bring the rest?"

  "Okay.", Charles says almost defeatedly. "Don't be late."

  Jake turns to her. "So what are your plans again?"

  "I will go to the hotel, have a long bath after which Rosa and Gina will come pick me up for the bachelorette party after which both will crash with me because according to Gina quote if I am going to stand next to you as a bridesmaid, you need to at least be six and you need help with that unquote"

  "I still can't believe Cindy asked you and Gina to be one of the bridesmaids"

  "Well, we did help them get together."

  "Yeah. And as this goes on, I will be with Charles hoping whatever he made is edible and missing you terribly"

  "Stop being a sap Peralta. And have fun tonight"

  "It’s Peralta- Santiago, FYI. And I will 100% have fun, but I'm still gonna miss you. I gotta go before Charles comes back. I love you"

  "I love you too."

   It was a tiring night and Amy just wants to take her makeup off and she really wants to be out of this dress for more than one reason. As much as she loves her kids- and that is a lot- she is glad that they wanted to stay at Holt's place. The kids love their Fauxpas (they are her kids, of course they know what faux pas means and more importantly, when Mac very proudly said it, both Kevin and Holt agreed that "it is a humorous wordplay"). Mac can never get enough of Holt's stories and Maya loves the Classics. She can recite Odyssey from memory. And both of them get away with things that only they (and maybe her husband) can- some stains of orange juice, mud in the house, a few broken glasses- all.of these are forgiven because it's their fauxchildren's doing (it doesn't work as well, but Holt was proud and Maya laughed and so it stuck). And after two days of wedding prep, she really needs a day without being worried about someone breaking something or constantly screaming. And even more than that with the way her husband has been looking at her all night, she really, really needs to be the one screaming. 

   She is halfway through taking off her makeup when Jake, sans jacket, (but with tie and damn, her husband looks fine) walks in. He puts his hand on her waist. "Babe, do you know how hot you look?"

  "Oh is it the running mascara that does it for you?"

  He pulls her in closer and from his look she knows that the screaming she was hoping is definitely happening. He says in a low voice  into her ear, "No. It's you." It's like each word he says vibrates inside her. "You having been driving me crazy all day. You in that blue dress. You knowing exactly how amazing your butt looks in that dress. You taking control when everything was falling apart. It's you Ames who does it for me."

  She turns around and pulls him by the tie and kisses him hard and he's lifting her up onto the counter, kissing every bit of her as he lowers his head between her legs. She thanks the stars that this is her life partner.

  (And later she'll counting the same as Jake twists his wrist in the way that he knows will bring over the edge.)

  Every time Jake sees his wife, he falls in love with her a little more. Which he wouldn't have believed possible sixteen years ago. She hasn't spotted him, so he takes her in for a minute. Every time he steps into Shaw's Bar, he remembers walking in as a newly wed couple. Sure afterwards the evening did take a turn, but until then it was perfect. Except before that when there was a bomb threat and an actual bomb and Teddy proposing like a thousand times. Wow, his wedding day was a mess. But still it was one of the happiest days of his life because even through all that, he was hitched to the most beautiful woman in the world. Who is now watching everyone waiting for him. 

  So he walks up to her, drinks in hand and says, “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”

  "Ooh , Casablanca", she takes a glass. "Yes. Charles and I watched it yesterday. We didn't even know what was going on half the time because Charles was crying and making noises half the time."

  "Oh, just Charles?" "Okay fine I was crying a little too. Okay a lot. Fine I was the one who was crying the most. Happy?"

  "Oh babe. It's cute that you think you should say that to me as if you didn't watch it for the first time with me"

 "Oh yeah. Well, I tried. Oh before you ask, the kids are all at the Jeffords' house and Cagney and Lacey are keeping an eye on them. And the best part: without a babysitter's fee."

  "Wow, I really missed friends' kids doing things for us for free. Remember when we babysat Cagney and Lacey for like three days straight, without even thinking of money?"

  "And if we were to go by the amount our babysitters charge, we'd have enough money to buy Orangina for a whole month." 

  They move to the counter, perched on the barstools. "You know Captain Holt just called me Captain"

  "He's been calling you a Captain for a year babe, you know, cause you've been a Captain for a year!" 

  "I know! Can you believe?!" 

  "Of course, because you are awesome and amazing"

  "Oh, and he also said that he's still my mentor and that I can call him for advice any time."

   "Wow, obviously today was a big day for you"  

  "I know" Her whole face is lit up. Her cheeks are flushed, from the drinks and the running around making things happen, from the many catching up and from the fact that her mentor called her Captain. Once again he's a little bit more in love. His eyes catch Cindy and Scully awkwardly shuffling around trying to dance. Hitchcock is trying to hide the fact that he's disappointed, but doing a pretty bad job of it. He sees Charles and Genevieve almost having sex which apparently is how they dance. The music changes to something familiar and his wife looks amazing and he wants to dance with her very much. "Amy Santiago- Peralta, may I have this dance? And don't worry, it's reinforced shoes so I won't even know if you step on me." "Ha ha Peralta- Santiago. You are my teacher, so if I'm stepping on your toes, it's your own fault"

  "Wow, blaming the victim." 

  They are on the dance floor, her hand in his, hand on his shoulder, his on her waist. He can see every little detail on her face, the mascara running a bit, lipstick that's smudged. Her perfectly set hair, falling around the edges. She's beautiful. 

    "I wonder why all the greatest love stories are so tragic"

  "Because that's what makes them great. The fact that their love is so powerful that it's unattainable."

  "Well I think that it's stupid."

  "What?"

  "That the greatest love of our life is the one we don't have. It's categorically untrue. My favourite love story has a happy ending anyway"

  "You mean Morticia and Gomez?"

  "That's my second favourite"

  "Well, what's your first?"

  "Ours, of course" She smiles and that's all he ever wants to see.

  Her hand is in his, the other moves to his chest. His are around her waist circling, as he pulls her closer and she rests her cheek on shoulder. He buries his nose in her hair and she nuzzles into his neck. If he'd imagined a perfect life sixteen years ago, not even in his wildest dreams he'd have thought he could feel like this. 

[calpalsworld]

Whatever happened to that venture bros essay?

I totally didn't suddenly hate it and become permanently afraid to look at the document, and start questioning "why does anyone even need to hear a 20 minute rant about an upsetting character," and "why should *I* allow myself to focus on an upsetting character," and realize it would probably be controversial because I take a huge shit on Doc Hammer and Christopher McCollough (wow I didn't know he voiced in Five Nights at Freddys).

But here is basically my essay from memory since I'm too literally afraid to open the dang document, like its gonna release a creepypasta on me or something:

TW: Venture Bros, discussion of pedophile character -- literally the worst thing ever, also abuse, yknow, the usual venture bros stuff. -___-

Intro: Every character in Vbros is a trope but with nuance. Except for. Him. Hatred. The biggest mistake.

Hatred actually has a great introduction scene! (not... that scene. the scene where he first arches rusty.) Great establishment!

[Summary of literally everything hatred has done]

Conclusion of summary: the only plot-important moment Hatred literally ever acted out was blowing up the cocoon in the end of Season 5, which he totally half-assed, and had nothing to do with him personally!

Hatred should literally just be scrapped abut he could've worked well as: A.) Just a foot fetishist like the original concept! Haha foot fetish funny! His racist caricature girlfriend is still really disgusting though! Please get rid of her! B.) The rivialry between him and the Monarch was really promising! It would've been great if they were both villains, but actually seemed more like each other's arches. They're opposites and I loved that! So, yes please! Give us Monarch beating the shit out of pedophile daily!

Making Hatred the Venture body guard was literally the worst thing they ever could've done with him!

Unless they wanted to emphasize the horrors of abuse. Because its fucking horrifying how he is so abusive and Rusty does nothing! And that is the only use Hatred has to the plot: Horror!

[Explains how Hatred is an abusive piece of shit and how its horrifying that some fans think hes FUNNY and NICE. I don't know. Maybe my standards are just too high because I don't like pedophiles who threaten kids lives and make them cry!]

Hatred literally has such a lame dynamic with every character! The Monarch: they barely ever interact ever again! Dean and Hank: they are uncomfortable around him (at least until later seasons)! Rusty: doesn't play off of his personality at all even though they are constantly around each other and get along... and.... 21? ....................

The rivalry between 21 and Hatred makes little sense, is out of nowhere, and only probably exists because the writers saw two guys they can make fun of (fat, boobs, nerd, pedophile), (terrible to see them make a pedophile joke and then a fat joke next to each other like theyre normal and equivalent. i hate this show) and said, ohhh~!! HaHAHAHA... they FIGHT...!!! funnnieee!!!! :))))))) (my unfair hate towards the writers pops out here for some reason) yeah this was stupid of me. its not that deep.

THEN I INTRODUCE THE WHOLE QUOTE THIS ESSAY WAS INSPIRED BY BUT........... I........ somehow can’t find the quote anymore? It was from the Art Book and basically said: they played around with the idea of 21 being the Venture Body guard in season 4 but then realized they couldn't because 21 was busy going through his bimbofication arc.

Goes On A Rant About 21:

Overanalyzes like 20 million scenes to prove 21 is queer-coded neurodivergent mentally ill pro-aborition pro-drug dude who hates pedophiles and would make a great dad and CRACKTHEORY:

21 actually forms a pointless rivalry with Hatred because he wants to protect Dean and Hank from him and no one can tell me otherwise. CANON.

So basically, 21 as the body guard would've solved all the shows problems. He would make Dean and Hank happy kids who are not abused. And being around Dean and Hank would make 21 happier too! But then everything would be happy and there would be no plot. so. : / fuck.

GOING BACK TO HATRED:

Okay so like I said, his purpose is to make the show horrific.

But actually! The writers SUDDENLY decide to make him an incompetent dumb uncle figure who can't even shoot a gun straight and is constantly made fun of in weird ways by every character and for some reason has boobs and is overemotional as a joke! (and I brought up like 20 million scenes to support this even though its obvious)

So actually the purpose of Hatred is to be a terrible joke.

(And then I make some controversial comments about how I enjoy/appreciate some things the writers do, but I also hate them. But no one wants to hear me hate on them! so Ill just skip over that).

In conclusion:

Hatred is a bad joke.

But also here is an important quote that shows the writers find hatred sympathetic OH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING I HATE--

i still love venture bros though and am excited for the movie ^_^