#their relationship is like just fine and then it gets sort of rocky and weird after they have kids but me and my husband we're sticking

[bumblingbabooshka]

Sarek & Amanda’s First Date: Let’s meet up after work. Do you want to get a drink? This bar’s a bit loud. Do you want to chill at a coffee shop? Sure, sure. Let’s take a walk around, stretch our legs. Look at that view! Let’s sit on a bench for a while. It’s gotten pretty late, do you want to grab something to eat? Does this place have Vegan options? Is this kosher? No, let’s try this place...this place...oh, perfect! Let’s take another walk, that was a hefty meal. Have you ever been to -? Have you ever -? Oh my house is pretty close by. Do you want to see that movie? No, it’s terrible, don’t worry. Do you like-? Do you like-? God, sorry I fell asleep. No no it’s fine, don’t go out in this weather - this late...you can sleep on the couch if you want to be all proper but I’ll sleep on the floor if you do. Good morning. Do you want breakfast? I don’t have anything in the fridge, do you mind if we head to the store? By the way you’ll never believe what she-! Ugh, this song-! Do you know how to cook? Haha, rich boy. Here, let me show you...well I only know the very basics. I just wanted to tease you. Do you need to be going soon? Oh good, I wanted to go see a museum with you. But let’s get coffee first. Tell me about-! Tell me about-! It’s already the afternoon, huh? Hey, they’re doing something in the park! Let’s stay and watch for a little. Have you been to that place? It’s Vulcan run but I’ve never tried...oh, it’s good! By the way I have to do some shopping for my sister, do you want to come along? You don’t have to. No, I want you to. That’s a marvelous necklace. For me? Haha oh no it’s way too much! Fine, but you have to get one too. Right? So let’s get something simpler...is it too much if they match? Ah, it’s raining! It’s fine, just run! Haha we’re soaked. Do you want to take a shower? No, not together~! It looks like it’s gonna pour the rest of the day. Does it storm on Vulcan? Tell me about-! Let’s order something and play cards. Let’s try to eat in silence but I’ll giggle the whole time. Sarek, do you know how to play music? Let’s make music. Let’s fall asleep together, leaning against the couch. I want to open my eyes and see you first thing. Good morning. Good morning. Do you have work today? Come meet me right after, okay? Okay. I’ll be waiting!

[ghostcatssecretblog]

Attack On Titan: Modern AU

(Or as I call it the highschool sweet heart au.)

Some of you may have seen my post based on my Attack on Titan Modern AU! But I've only ever posted photos. (I have more on my tiktok. Feel free to check it out)

So I'm gonna share my notes from this AU and my personal take on the characters in a modern universe.

Some starter notes:

I tried to bring elements from the original story over, but obviously, it's not just a complete modern retelling, and to be honest, I mostly focused on Eren bc like...that's my boy. I have some thoughts on the others and they're listed below but I don't touch on everyone bc I just don't have enough thoughts about them.

The modern AU does not take place in our world. It's still theirs, so the setting and map is the same just...modern. You can honestly take this as a reincarnation AU.

So let's go!

Eren:

• Eren's mom died in a car accident when he was nine. He was there to see it but luckily was mostly unharmed. His mom however died due to the impact.

• His father is a doctor, and because of this, he is rarely ever home, so his brother Zeke has to take care of him. Zeke is overly protective and tries to prevent Eren from doing things he considers to be reckless.

• Zeke and Eren have a weird relationship because while Zeke is the one who raised him and took care of him, Eren resents the fact that Zeke mothers him so much, especially as he gets older and tries to have more freedom to do what he wants with his life.

• As kids Armin, Mikasa, and Eren stuck together. Eren defended them from bullies, but the trio always managed to find themself in trouble. Mostly due to Eren always getting into something or starting fights of his own.

• He was already a bit of a trouble maker, but when his mom passed, he seemed to spiral. Zeke, only being 20 when he started taking care of Eren, means having to juggle college, a job, and raising a child. Needless to say, Eren went unsupervised a LOT in middle school.

• During freshman year of high school, Eren started attending Scout High, where he met a lot of his friends. He struggled at first but eventually formed a rag-tag group that only grew. One of those is Arte, who, like Reiner and Berthold, is a year above him. Their friendship was rocky at first, but they eventually came to an understanding.

• During freshman year, he joined the soccer team. By junior year he became captain.

• During sophomore year, the changes slowly began. Zeke became more overbearing, pushing Eren to be sneaky, and his father was around less and less.

• Then the incident happened. It was during a house party At Historia's right after homecoming. Everything was fine at first until Reiner made a foul comment about Eren's mom being dead. A fight broke out between them, resulting in Reiner having to go to the hospital. Because Arte, and a few others vouched for Eren and said that Reiner instigated the fight Eren got left off easy but was made to go to therapy and was put on probation.

• During junior year of high school, Eren becomes more reckless and starts to isolate from his friends more. He hangs out with the wrong sort of kids (Floch and Samuel), gets into fights more often, skips class, and overall stops caring as much. He picks up skateboarding as a hobby.

•

Extra notes:

• While he plays soccer he also does skateboarding as a hobby.

• He's into metal bands such as 5FDP and SOAD.

• His grandparents (dad side) are very conservative. They also don't approve of Grisha divorcing Dina and Marrying Carla (partially bc she was younger than him). They tend to favor Zeke and consider Eren to be nothing more than a trouble maker.

Arte

• In contrast to Eren's more middle class suburban life, Arte grew up your stereotypical white trash sort of home with a neglectful mother and an alcoholic father

• They grew mostly isolated, living too far from the city to make friends and considered too much of an odd kid to make any at school.

• That is until middle school. When they met Winnie.

• Winnie comes from upper class. She's rich but considered the back sheep of the family and because of this her and Arte become close friends. Closer than friends even

• But in 8th grade they split. Winnie wanted to stay in public school to be with Arte but Arte pushed her away, ensuring Winnie would go to boarding school. Art thought she was better off there.

• Arte then attends the same highschool as Eren their freshman year.

• Arte is friends with Annie (both are lower class and have bad parents) and Hitch - designated sunshine and rich girl of the group.

• Absolutely loves automotive and English classes. They help fix Eren's car on the regular.

• Their relationship when they first meet is weird and mostly bickering. Very friend/enemies through Eren's freshman and Sophmore year.

• Around his junior year he's getting in a lot more fights. Arte helps patch his face up in the boy's bathroom. There's a heart to heart and they become actual friends soon after.

• Arte Annie and Hitch start hanging around Eren's friend group more - leads to Armin and Annie dating.

• For the rest of Junior year Arte and Eren end up sneaking out (arte sneaking into his room, going to the skatepark, wandering the neighborhood, late night McDonald's runs)

• Eventually they end up dating but it's a bit of a slow burn bc neither wants to admit they like the other.

• Arte keeps Eren as far away from their home life as possible bc they don't want him seeing how awful it is but also bc they're fairly certain if he were to their dad hitting them Eren would end up in prison for murder

• Eren does find out via seeing the scars and bruises on Arte and loses his shit

• The one time he did catch Arte's dad putting his hands on them Arte had to drag him back into the car to avoid a fight.

Extra notes:

• AAH have matching friendship bracelets

• Likes music like Radiohead, Nirvana, Deftones...

• They go to football games (hitch is a cheer leader) and Eren's soccer games together. As well as Parties, homecoming, prom (Arte asks Eren for their senior year and vise versa for his), haunted houses, carnival, etc.

• Arte stays over at Eren's a lot bc bad home life.

• They also get Eren into smoking weed. Zeke does not approve.

• Arte graduates first but takes a gap year to wait on Eren so they can apply to colleges together (with zekes help)

• During this time Arte temporarily moves in with Zeke and Eren.

• Unfortunately neither knows what they want to do with their life atm

• I really feel like Eren would be the kinda person to go to a lot of protest though. He probably organizes half of them.

• Arte -> Enginering Major

• Eren -> Social Justice Major

• Zeke and Yelena are married. They end up moving to Liberio, Marley and try to take Eren with them.

• Eventually end up getting dog together named Titan. He's a chow and Tibetan mastiff mix

Armin:

• He still lives with his grandpa

• His parents are alive they just travel a lot for work so he doesn't see them very much

• It's part of the reason he wants to see the ocean and travel.

• Ends up a marine biologist

• Armin x Annie !

• Takes a lot of IB classes in High-school.

• Likes softer music. I'm thinking Cavetown vibes.

Mikasa:

• Her parents are alive! Yay!

• Her, Armin and Eren all lived in the same neighborhood. Armin and Eren were friends first and she joined them when her family moved into the neighborhood.

• She almost had a little brother but he didn't make it. Thus, she projects big sister energy onto Eren and Armin.

• Listens to Lana del Rey and Mitski. Unless she's working out, that is.

• Ends up a physical trainer after highschool.

• Jean x Mikasa bc that boy adores her and would actually give her the domestic life she craves.

Friend groups:

1. Eren Armin Mikasa

2. Jean, Sasha, Connie and Marco are all friends.

3. Annie Hitch and Arte

4. Reiner and Bertholdt

5. Historia <3 Ymir

Porco, Piek, Marcel aren't really ever relevant but I imagine they go to a rival school in Libero. Porco is on the boy's soccer team and he and Eren have beef bc of it.

Reiner:

• Reiner's issues in this AU stem from growing up in a conservative household. His mother is reglious and his dad went out for milk...

• He's also a closeted homo. His feelings for Historia are merely him hetero-compensating. Hence, his issues towards Eren, who is very openly Bisexual. (Also idk but there's homoerotic tension there. Have you seen them fight??)

• But by college he figures his shit out. He's a changed man! I like to think he ends up dating Ploam's OC Logan.

• Anyway, just imagine your stereotypical closested football joke but then he grows up, gets him a bf and a shelter dog and LIVES HAPPILY

Annie:

• Kinda already summarized her in the previous notes but

• She's still adopted in this au. Her dad still sucks. Her and Arte have bonds bc of it

• AruAnnie! They get cats when they get older. Colossus the maincoon and sphinx (idk what to name it)

• I like Yama's take on her music taste. She definitely listens to Evanescence and Avil Lavigne.

• Professional MMA fighter after Highschool

I don't really have thoughts on Bertholdt, and I'm sorry I just don't have any thoughts on him :p

Sasha and Connie are still best friends! I think It would be really cute if Niccolo was from the same school as Porco and Piek and Sasha met him during a bake sale and liked his baking so much he went into Culinary after HS and ofc eventually got his own restaurant. Sasha is a food blogger and is constantly posting his dishes on the gram which just brings in most business for him. (Listen I need these two TO BE HAPPY)

Marco doesn't die! For once, omg. He and Jean become good friends. He, just as with the show, that starts Jean's character arc. Instead of dying, he ends up having to move away but it forces Jean to realize he needs to open up and make friends with other people too.

That's all I have so far! But feel free to ask questions about the AU!

[aurumacadicus]

You know what else would be funny.

Tony knows Steve is kinky. Okay? They've been together a couple years and if he'd known what a horny beast he was unleashing when he asked Steve to give him a little spank once, he would have thrown himself on Steve's bed sooner. Steve likes to try everything once just to figure out if he likes it (although usually he insists on twice just to be sure) and Tony is very happy to be accommodating.

That being said, he knows Steve is holding something back. When Tony had casually mentioned a fantasy he'd always had of getting rescued-and-railed by a fireman, Steve had opened his mouth, then sort of drew in on himself, and closed it again. Tony has never seen shame on him, not when it comes to the bedroom, and it jars him. He wonders if it was something he did. Did he say something that would put Steve off? Had he done something that implied he wasn't trustworthy? Or maybe it's just none of his business. Tony tries to keep from pushing, from prodding, but he's bad at self-control when he wants something.

"You're not subtle," Steve says a few days later. He sounds amused, but he also doesn't continue, so. Maybe he's just pretending to be amused.

Tony doesn't know what to say. He's not subtle and he wants to know what Steve won't tell him and it's driving him crazy. Steve doesn't have to tell him everything, obviously, but he can't help but think something's wrong with him if Steve doesn't trust him. It doesn't make sense and he's too embarrassed to put words to it. It feels manipulative. Steve is allowed privacy. Tony just doesn't know how not to pick at something he wants to understand and that's his problem.

"Tony?" Steve asks, and Tony realizes he's been wringing his hands the entire time to distract himself from talking. Steve looks concerned now. "Sweetheart?"

"I think I'm gonna go work on the suit," Tony blurts out, but he doesn't really want to. Steve was going to make dinner. He was going to pretend to help and Steve was going to let him believe he actually had. He'd just come from working on the suit. Steve frowns, confused, and it makes Tony want to explode with anxiety and shame because he wants this to work so much and he's messing it up by reading into something he has no business reading. "Or, um, I have paperwork down there too."

He turns to leave, so he doesn't blurt out something really embarrassing, like 'did I do something wrong,' or 'why don't you trust me.' It's not even something important. It's Steve's smutty fantasy. Just because Tony hadn't been embarrassed to ask Steve to put on a firefighter uniform doesn't mean Steve has to reply in kind. That's not how relationships are supposed to work. It's fine. It's fine.

Steve lets him go, and Tony's not sure why that hurts so much. It's what he wanted. And it's better this way. He can't blurt out what's been eating at him. He can keep Steve a little longer before he messes everything up. He can soak up a little more happiness to hold close to his chest when things finally blow up. He just needs to take a moment, he decides, pacing up and down the floor of his workshop. Ask all the questions he wants to ask Steve but knows he shouldn't. Get them all out of his system. He can say the words down here, alone, and it'll keep him from saying them in front of Steve. If he just gets them out, he can go back up, sit down at the kitchen island like he wasn't just acting super weird, and ignore this ever happened.

Why won't Steve tell him? Does he not trust him? What did Tony do for Steve not to trust him? He thought they'd gotten past their rocky first meeting. Had they, though? Tony had honestly brushed off Steve's insults after the initial sting. People had said worse to him, and quite frankly, he hadn't been surprised to be found lacking by someone Howard idolized. But maybe his barb to Steve had cut deeper than he'd thought? He'd apologized for it. Hadn't he? Had he apologized enough? Or maybe--maybe this is one of those things that just never goes away. Does Steve look at him and think Tony still believes everything special about him came out of a bottle? Because he doesn't. Everything special about Steve is because he is Steve. The only thing the serum did was make him bigger.

He notices Steve leaning in the doorway to the workshop on his next turn, and the noise it tears out of him is terrible even to his own ears. "How much did you hear?" he asks, wondering how much he can backpedal. How much he can say was just nonsense he didn't really believe. How much he can convince Steve that he really is a good boyfriend please don't break up with him he'll figure this out and forget all about it please--

"It's dumb," is what Steve answers, and Tony just blinks at him, confused. "My fantasy. That's what this is all about, right? That's when you started acting weird. I didn't tell you because it's embarrassing how dumb it is, not because I don't trust you."

"Oh," Tony says, and he's relieved, but the nasty part of him that started all of this wonders what he did to make Steve think he'd laugh at him about it.

Steve just looks at him for a moment, not moving from his lean against the doorway. Finally, though, he shrugs. "I don't really care, but it's clearly bothering you, so. My fantasy is I wanna be your pool boy."

Tony blinks. That's it? All of his anxiety and... Steve wants to be his pool boy? Steve doesn't even like pools. The chlorine gives him a headache, but Tony can't go to a salted pool because it reminds him of his torture in Afghanistan, so they compromised by just not going to pools because neither of them even really like to swim.

"Just seeing you in your lounger," Steve continues with another shrug. "Wearing your bathing suit. Getting a tan. Relaxed. Maybe napping. Completely at ease. Sometimes I think about your rich husband neglecting you. So I take over for him and rail you in your lounger with the tanning oil for lube."

Tony blinks again, slowly, brain still feeling like TV snow. Stupidly, all he can think to answer is, "But I sunbathe naked," because he doesn't like tan lines.

"OH NO WHAT A CATASTROPHE," Steve answers loudly, finally stepping into the workshop. "You naked by the pool. You do seem like the type to tease your pool boy."

"Huh?" Tony splutters, then squawks when Steve lunges for him, and he can only blame himself for the fact that they don't eat until an hour later when his stomach rumbles loudly in the middle of round two.

[tracingpatternswrites]

Married at First Sight - The Honeymoon

(Start from the beginning)

Welcome back to the second week of this season’s Married at First Sight. In this episode, our newlyweds jet off on their honeymoon and some of them are off to a bit of a rocky start. Will they manage to overcome their first hurdle as a married couple or is the ship already sinking?

Read on AO3.

Snippet below:

Remus closed the door and sat down on the bed, turning the handheld camera that they had been given from the production team over in his hands. He took a deep breath as he settled against the headboard, staring blankly straight ahead for a moment as he tried to get his thoughts in order.

They were three days into their honeymoon and Remus had no idea what to make of any of it. At first he had felt as if it was all a dream, living in this glorious villa on the outskirts of Otranto in southern Italy with the sea stretching out in front of them, the clear blue skies, the swimming pool and the sun.

Now, he wasn’t so sure.

Things between himself and Sirius were… fine, but not much more than that and he couldn’t put his finger on why. Nothing was bad , per se, but they hadn’t really moved forward either, at least not in the way that Remus had hoped.

Sirius was nice, kind, but he still felt a little distant. They were sleeping in the same bed, but nothing had happened between them. They hadn’t even kissed since the wedding, and it wasn’t for Remus’ lack of want. He had found himself staring at Sirius on more than one occasion over the past couple of days, when he was sprawling in a sun lounger or doing strokes in the pool, unable to get his head around the fact that it was his husband he was looking at.

Remus was ridiculously attracted to him, and just this morning he had woken up with a lingering dream and a raging hard-on. He had sneaked into the bathroom, running the shower so that he could jerk himself off without being overheard. He knew that Mary’s quip about him being unable to go a full week without dick had been a joke, but now he was starting to believe she had a point. He didn’t usually struggle like this, but then he had never been married to someone like Sirius Black before either.

Remus was used to physical affection, to touches, and he felt secure enough in his sexuality. Even though it wasn’t the be-all and end-all in a relationship, there was no denying that it was an important part for him and the fact that Sirius didn’t seem to think so bothered him. He also had no idea how to bring it up.

Before the wedding, the experts had pointed out to them that communication was crucial for this to work out, but Remus was at a loss as to where to start. His old insecurities, that he wasn’t good enough or not attractive enough, were already growing in the back of his mind and the longer he waited, the louder the doubts became.

He took a deep breath as he held the camera up in front of himself, pressing rec.

“So, this feels weird,” he mumbled, adjusting the little display so that he could see himself in it and he exhaled a sigh. “Sirius has gone out for a bit so I figured… might as well take some time to do this.”

He fell silent again, pondering how to continue.

“This is our second full day here in Otranto and it’s… beautiful. The place, I mean; the house and the surroundings, the views. We’re right by the sea and it’s… perfect, really. Everything’s perfect, except for… well, I don’t know. I don’t know what I WAS expecting, really, marrying a total stranger, but I guess it’s just sort of landed with me now. That we don’t… know each other, I mean.

“I feel like I can’t read him. There’s nothing… he’s not rude or anything, but I feel like I can’t really get through to him. He deflects my questions, tosses them back to me and before I know it we’re back to talking about me again.” He stops, unable to stop the corner of his mouth from tugging upwards slightly. “He’s good at that, he must’ve had a lot of practice.”

Remus heaved a sigh, dropping his head back against the wall behind him and staring up at the ceiling as he continued to talk.

“He’s… really nice, sweet, polite. And so fucking hot, I mean… fucking hell. Those arms? His thighs? He’s fucking gorgeous and he’s a… gentleman. He opens doors and pulls my chair out and compliments my clothes even though they’re nothing special. He’s so bloody nice and– is it wrong that the only thing I want him to do is to push me onto the bed, or against the wall I’m not fussy, and just fucking ra–“ he stopped himself abruptly, throwing an embarrassed look at the display as he groaned at himself. “I cannot believe I just… cut that out, please, that was… fuck’s sake, Lupin.”

He shook himself slightly, huffing out a low breath as he collected himself again, trying not to think too much about how great Sirius had looked earlier that day, lazing around by the pool. Right. Focus. He cleared his throat.

“This is all about communication, eh? It’s what the experts kept saying before everything. So, I guess we should… communicate. I just wish– just wish he’d show me something real . He’s very polite, well-behaved, so… nice and still I spend all the fucking time wondering if he really likes me or if he’s just pretending to.”

Remus paused, his brows pulling together as he considered what he’d just said.

“And I realised… I don’t know if I like him either. How can I know, when I don’t know him? He’s fit, he’s nice, but I still have absolutely no idea who he is . I suppose that’s what I need to figure out.” He stopped again, looking at himself in the display, and he gave a firm nod. “No time like the present, eh? I’ll start tonight.”

He turned the camera off, and barely a moment later he heard the sound of the front door. Just in time, then. He half-expected Sirius to call out for him, to wonder where he was, but there was nothing but the sound of someone rummaging around downstairs. Remus heaved a sigh as he put the camera away.

He went for a slosh, looking at himself in the mirror as he washed his hands afterwards. He tanned easily, and the time he’d spent in the sun had been good for him. He felt good, the warm weather always helped with that. His Ma had always said he was made for warmer weather than the damp north of England and she seemed to be right. 

He took a deep breath; he needed to be brave and just push through, not let Sirius change the topic on him.

He could do this.

Continue on AO3.

[drbased]

Time for another major take-down

This is a Big One. I'm going to analyse I Am A Transwoman. I Am In The Closet. I Am Not Coming Out.

Part 1

Let's get into it. Firstly, the note at the start: I hate how it's become commonplace to write something online - a literal public space, accessible to anyone - and then when criticised immediately back-track and call it 'private' and 'a diary entry'. This applies to radfems on tumblr, or anyone tbh. If you want something to remain private, write it privately.

Correlation, meet causation.

Yeah, there's a reason the phrase 'correlation does not equal cause causation' exists. But this is the primary tool of human narrative-making and exactly why it is so easy for trans-identified people to discover past 'evidence' of their gender. Occam's razor is thrown out because the dull reality feels much less significant than the constructed narrative.

Ever the magical thinker, I tell myself that if I wish out loud one thousand times, I will wake up with long hair in cute pajamas with a different name — and maybe freckles.

One might consider it a minor nitpick, but here lies the primary issue: the gender essentialism that people internalise as children is not discarded as sexist nonsense, but instead the sunk-cost fallacy works its magic. Of course, the author might be using some flowery language to merely evoke the image of 'girl' in the reader's mind - but the mere fact that someone in this culture is able to communicate the exact concept of biological sex by referencing sexed roles/expectations shows just how ingrained these beliefs are in our society.

The next part, at eight years old, is especially sad. Causation and correlation definitely have a rocky relationship here. He describes getting on with mostly women. Something as basic as being friends with and admiring the females in his life is seen as 'proof' of his female identity. But of course, you're a transwoman in the closet. How many of these 'women' you like and admire, are actually women? You say you think divorced, tattooed, Catie's mum is cool - what if that person is actually a man? Or if that feels like a cheap argument, do you think that all these women especially like you, above all other 'boys' your age? Do you think they can tell?

When I ask to sleep over at my friends’ houses, I am told I am not allowed. Boys are not allowed. My friend Caitie’s mother argues about this on the phone with my mother. I realize my mother is not on my side.

No sarcasm here - I don't really get this bit. Did you mean to write that girls are not allowed? Because historically, parents are fine with boys having sleepovers together - it's typically cross-sex sleepovers that parents find an issue with, for all sorts of reasons. Not allowing sleepvers with other boys would be a concern of your mum specifically; nothing to do with gender. And speaking of your mum, your takeaway is that she's not on your side? What a strangely powerful conclusion to come to from one minor thing. Parents give their kids all sorts of weird and stupid rules. She might have her own reasons to not let you go to sleepovers - have you, say, asked her?

I love everything my sister loves, but I will not admit it. I know she and her friends will make fun of me. I know my parents will chastise me and correct me. I am learning the rules, and I am learning that boys liking girl things is a very high stakes issue. I am learning that adults react the same way to my interest in makeup as they do to my interest in matches and lighters.

Oh, you're learning the rules, are you? Did you ever want to un-learn them, maybe question them a bit, at least wonder for a second why the rules are that way? I once asked a trans person in DMs if they'd wondered why certain gendered expectations exist, and they responded 'to be honest, I hadn't really thought about it'. Remember, trans people are supposed to know more about gender than cis people. I've known trans people IRL to obsess over the details of their passing with zero questioning of the status quo. The fact that we're supposed to consider this rhetoric to be truly radical is telling.

As if maybe, by being what I am, I might burn down something very important to them. Something that makes their life more comfortable and easy.

The reason that following gender expectations makes life comfortable and easy for 'cis women' is exactly the same as it is for you: because it means that they don't have to feel angry at the world, that they can accept that everything they learned during childhood is natural and healthy and they don't have to hate their parents, peers and other adults for demanding certain things of them, and now as adults they retain certain 'perks' for conforming. You're only fractionally better because you're rejecting one set of expectations in favour of another - but in another way you're a whole lot worse because you're literally a member of the oppressor class wearing the costume of the oppressed class and thinking that makes you privy to their experiences. You're the one with a privilege so important to you that women's freedom and liberation would burn it down.

I am jealous of my sister’s clothing. One day, home alone after school, I sneak into her room and pull on her Tinkerbell Halloween costume. I slip the elastic straps over my shoulders, then the tights along my legs. It fits.

Ah, the classic. The charitable version of me acknowledges that many trans people have been perfectly willing to admit (especially pre 2016) that they're dysphoric over sex and will accept these surface-level associations purely to help them relieve dysphoria. And I understand that. But this man claimed at the start that correlation = causation, here. And you cannot tell me that everyone who has read this will be thinking as deeply as I am - many people are fully happy to admit that this has nothing to do with sex and entirely to do with gender i.e. gendered roles and expectations. To many people, that Tinkerbell costume is synonymous with 'female'. It makes you wonder why we decided to say that vaginas are female sex organs at all, if gender can be summed up with long hair and cute pyjamas.

[the1975attheirverybest]

I wanted to share something, despite everything we've seen with Taylor and Matty I still feel like something's off. It's just hard for me to understand how is it possibile to move on so fast after a 6 year old relationship. I hope Matty isn't a rebound I trust that he is not that stupid, I'm just afraid he will end up heartbroken. I hope nobody is mad at me for saying this, it's just my opinion. I love and respect Taylor, but I feel weird vibes.

I get what you mean and I was feeling the same too. That’s why I was, what someone called, “in denial” the other day. Like when we only had the Sun article or that blurry photo or whatever. It seemed more probable to me that they knew Matty was gonna be in Nashville and ran a story cuz now that Joe is gone, they can start writing about Taylor’s love life again.

BUT, now that we have a bit more to go on, I sort of get it. Is it too soon after Joe? Maybe, maybe not. Idk. I know someone who was married to his wife for 25 years. Their marriage was rocky for 2 years. During that time, he made a new friend at work, and slowly fell in love with her. Him and his wife separated after that. (He eventually got back together with the wife and left the work friend but that’s a whole other thing)

Like, my point is, people don’t usually break up overnight. Things aren’t fine one minute and then over the next. perhaps Taylor and joe were drifting for a while. Perhaps Matty entered the picture earlier than we know. Like with the friend story I just mentioned, maybe Taylor and Matty reconnected several months ago, and things for serious while Taylor and joe were on the outs anyway so she left Joe for him? Love and relationships aren’t exactly black and white. And they’re not simple to reduce down to facts because relationships aren’t based on facts they’re based on feelings. Can you have feelings for more than one person at a time? Can you love someone but not wanna be with them? Can you fall out of love with someone in the middle of a relationship? Could you fix it if it does happen??? All of those are perfectly valid issues.

So, to simply say that it’s too late or too early or that it’s just a rebound or that one of them is invested and the other isn’t….idk man. We are only seeing a fraction of the picture. We can’t judge. We don’t know how when or why all this happened. Just my view anyway. Everyone’s entitled to their own take.

[tbob-enthusiast]

My GOD YOUR WRITING IS KILLING ME 💥💥💥💥😭😭😭😭

GODDD the Pacifica section. Listen man, my favorite characters of the zodiac had once been normal faves, like Ford. Now, though? It's the antagonist trio, the Morally Questionable folks, the "we were quite evil during the show's runtime but we are really just kids and we have potential for so much" group

So, needless to say: AAAAHHHHHH

- "Outcast yet above it all". Outcast yet above it all I'm going to explode into smithereens. I'm gonna crumple like a Jenga tower. I'm I'm I'm

HOW WOULD THAT FEEL?! To be genuinely open to ONE PERSON in the whole world, one who actually understands what it's like (outcast yet above it all 😭😭💥💥💥💥😭😭😭😭), to be VULNERABLE and REAL to this one person and then they just... :((

It's lonely here at the top of the world, man, but she had a friend :(. And then, she lost him :((. I take comfort in knowing that Gideon's death will most likely be something that will tie the rest of the zodiac closer together (see Dipper and Paz getting closer, Mabel and Robbie connecting through the mutual anger oh my GOD I love seeing these reactions to grief I love seeing Mabel and Robbie interactions I AM BEING FED SO WELL TODAY THANK YOU), that Paz will eventually move on, and that she'll have fond memories of him. If only my Robbie was the dream god, then he'd visit them in their sleep and tell them that Gideon's fine, and that he glows blue, and that the echo of his voice laughs sometimes, which is nice to hear in the Abyss. Alas. Maybe he'll tell them, if he comes for them personally too...

The ENTIRE ROBBIE SECTION. THE ENTIRE OH MY GOD YOU'VE KILLED ME

ALL OF THIS ALL OF THIS. GOODNESS GRACIOUS MAN. THIS IS LITERATURE THIS IS ART THIS IS THE CONTENT THAT WILL SUSTAIN MY SOUL FOR THE NEXT 300 YEARS

"This isn't some sort of cosmic punishment for Gideon's wrongdoings — those had happened years ago in a throne room at the end of the world."

FUCKING HELL

"[...] For the corpse he had to play dress-up with."

FUCKING HELL

I'M SO FBDJDBAJBWRHWJSBAKANRJE

Your Robbie. He sparks joy, friend, he sparks so much joy in my heart. ROBBIES THAT ARE FACED WITH REAL GRIEF AND HURT AND REACT TO IT IN ANGER >>>>>>>>>>>>

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. AAAHHHHHH

I love his stance regarding the accountability of the town and its weirdness, how he's angry angry angry because it's not fair. Do you see this !?!! Where have I seen this exact same anger before, man !?!! AAAHHH.

I love how he's so freaking angry about the apathy — GOD. I'm comparing them, I have to.

See, my Robbie grew up with his parents. The positively toxic ones, who seemed like the kind of people who'd drop dead if they ever felt a smidge of real human empathy towards the dead. And, like, maybe that wouldn't be an issue, if their son wasn't literally the lord of the dead. So you can guess how he felt, growing up with parents that he loves but who'd also treat his people like furniture. Like objects, like dress-up dolls, like they're nothing more but decoration, like they didn't matter, like they're nothing. If there's one thing my Robbie hates more than anything in the whole world, it's being treated with disregard, condescension, apathy. He cares, a lot, and that's why he feels extra pissed whenever he meets someone who just... Doesn't. (This is the reason why he and his own Wendy have a very rocky relationship nowadays, but that's a story for another time bwahaha.)

So the fact your Robbie shares this trait, this thing where he feels so upset over treating bodies, people, like nothing— it's fun. Especially considering how this should be a point of maturity for them once they realize this behavior, cause like; if they can feel so upset over someone treating a dead person as if they were no one, then why aren't they upset when they see people treat the living like they're nothing? Thompson is right there, you know.

And Stan... AUFHGBDBJFRDBSN

I actually don't have much to say about him because you've already said it all, man. I love your writing and that was absolutely NOT BORING AT ALL I AM SO HAPPY HERE. I'm glad Stan moved on and I'm also so 🥺🥺🥺 over the little remarks about Soos (son) and who I assume to be Wendy (niece 🙏🙏🙏). AUFFBRBJDHD. I LOVE THESE GUYS SO MUCH

teen gideon headcanons because i love him :] i am constantly thinking about him and how he's the only zodiac member (and honestly, only main-ish character because of the book of bill and the website) that doesn't get a sympathetic moment, other than POSSIBLY the finale but that barely counts

i think he deserves to have a SORT OF redemption, at least internally, because he took dipper's advice in weirdmageddon to heart. even if he gets over his crush on mabel (which i think he does. mom said its my canon now) theres still the truth of "people wont wanna be around you if youre a selfish prick"

anyways he makes me emotional so i'm giving him attention

im scared tumblr will kill the quality on my tiny handwriting so transcription under the cut:

after turning like 15, he just starts traveling, gets out of oregon and hits the ground running

uses my headcanon (?) that the amulet takes years from you, and gideon probably won't live past his 20s

he finds this out, has a total mid-life (literally) crisis at 14-15 and decides to do anything "normal" he can do because he doesn't have long to do it

ofc he still has anger issues and obsesses over people and everything else, but he's a lot better at managing it [than] when he was a kid

he doesn't care if he dies with people still hating him, but he wants it to be known that he tried

[cmyknoise]

i like when ghostbur’s weird. hate when people portray him as incapable or make his selective amnesia like, his only character trait.  gonna ghostbur lovepost rq.

we had ghostbur for less time than wilbur has been revived and yet he had such a huge impact, especially on new l’manburg. but he was so fully capable in ways i don’t think people appreciate or comment on. 

when the first talk of exile sprung up, a few days before he was actually exiled, a stream ended with tommy talking with ghostbur. tommy opened up that he was sort of worried, but trusted tubbo, but he was worried about exile and the idea of being alone. 

ghostbur had told tommy that he didn’t understand what was going on, but if tommy was exiled he’d go with. he’d go with tommy anywhere. 

and that’s what he did. ghostbur is such an important part of exile, and was such a lingering threat that dream had felt the need to subtly try to kill ghostbur, just to get his hands alone on tommy. 

within the first 5 minutes of exile, ghostbur had tricked dream and kept all his tools, which he’d immediately used to help tommy start to gear up again. he built tommy shelter.

when tommy was feeling sad and low and defeated, ghostbur made sure to build him back up, cheer him up. 

ghostbur is very unique in he was with both tubbo and tommy’s side very frequently during this time, and then we got the compasses, something that would come up so much, and even be subtly referenced on doomsday. 

whenever ghostbur was around, he would give tommy confidence and the drive to get back up and keep working. the only reason dream let ghostbur there at first was because he didn’t see ghostbur as a threat- he was a dumb ghost! but then he had to lure ghostbur out to get lost in the snow, something that under low exposure was fine, but high exposure hurt him, just so tommy would be truly and utterly alone on his party, to frame ghostbur as forgetting to send the invitations, to make it seem like he didnt care. ghostbur was a threat. 

then you have the time when, despite not being the best liar (wilbur never has been), he looked dream in the face, not remembering or knowing the extent of what he’s done, just that clearly its hurt tommy so bad that dream is absolutely bad, something he’s never stopped believing since, and lied to his face. he told him he hadnt seen tommy, that tommy wasnt there, and shooed him away. 

he struggled, sure, but despite having absolutely nothing, no protection or gear, he stood up to him, because he knew it was to protect tommy, and because he was a bad person. 

then doomsday. ghostbur wasn’t present for most of it, but it was a traumatic event for him. wilbur has always seemed to have a rocky relationship with his father, his ghost was no different. ghostbur had no problem, after searching and screaming for friend, to track down who did it, philza, and lay it into him. 

he gave such an impactful speech, not that it mattered, but its one still quoted today, and it has become the voice of all the people, innocent people, hurt on doomsday. 

all the while in the period of new l’manburg, he did other things too. he’d had talks with tubbo about the values of l’manburg- trying to make him question if the direction he was heading was where he wanted to go- and it wasnt. he was there to help rebuild. he would speak to quackity, he would speak to eret. he spoke to eret quite a bit. he learned of the museum, he didnt remember what eret had done but eret was kind now, he forgave him. his interactions with fundy were rocky, but he’d realized that fundy needed a father, and was wholey willing to sign adoption papers and let eret adopt him (after a touching moment in pogtopia where he’d say that eret needs a good- better father when talking to himself. he’d forget all this, because it was hurtful to think about, but in the moment it was there). 

then he disappeared for awhile, reappeared after tommy’s death. 

(interesting to note, that around this time quackity had a lore stream where he’d spoken with glatt. glatt had said that ghostbur and ‘a kid who is constantly crying’ would come to his gym freqently for a little while.)

when tubbo had asked him where he’d gone, and why he was here- we didn’t get much of an answer for the first question, but he’d said he was there because someone told him about what happened to tommy, and that tommy needed him, he’d be there. 

ghostbur met michael! he thought he was cute, praised tubbo & ranboo as parents. he helped tommy feel safe again, once again there for him to try and heal. he helped build the tower, brought him items and food. 

then... you have the day of ghostbur’s death. 

ghostbur knows dream is bad. its something that, despite his selective amnesia about bad and sad things, it seems this is one of the few that make it through the cracks. 

he doesnt need to know the specifics. he knows that dream had ??? been bad to him in the past. he knows that dream has caused tommy and tubbo pain. he knows tommy gets panicky about him, and he agrees and knows that he needs to die. he trusts tommy. 

he goes with him to the prison. we learn interesting things here. things like how ghostbur has changed his name and asks sam if he can sign with that instead. 

they go through the motions, and well... we all know what happens to him. 

but it’s interesting, because not even in death does ghostbur become irrelevant. 

wilbur had said ghostbur’s story has ended there, at his death, but it honestly and really hasn’t.

on a meta standpoint, cc!wilbur has written drabbles about him on reddit, and will on occasion mention him in streams. he says he’s crying, suffering, numb, he remembers tommy vividly, he’s forgetting more and more of everything else. 

within the dream smp, tommy would continuously defend ghostbur to anyone who dared say anything hinting at negative about him, especially c!wilbur. he even built him a grave. he’d cared for friend until he was killed (not even letting friend around wilbur). he would bring him up often. 

c!wilbur does too. despite his distaste for wilbur, almost once a stream post his return, he’d mention his name. 

i think back to his speech in doomsday, and it’s a shame. he said it himself. he’s not meant to be the comic relief in the story. he’s not just a ghost with amnesia. he’s not just a silly goofy teehee guy with a sheep. 

he’s more, way more. for as long as he was around he was so tied up in everything that the impact he left is still here. and we only had him for 5 months, about 3-4 if you take away his disappearance, and wilbur had hardly streamed as ghostbur.

he’s a weird guy. a caring ghost who’s just as sly and cunning as he was when alive. was smart, he had hobbies, he could stand up for himself and fight, he could use his words, he was a threat to some of the most powerful people, willing to stand against them, he was the backbone to those who needed it. he was there.

he did a lot, a lot more than i ever see spoken about or given credit for.

[the-phoenix-heart]

10 Amazing Futurama Comics

There is a severe lack of Futurama content on this and other sites (seriously, the Night at the Museum movies have more fics than Futurama). And, nobody posts about the Futurama comics. So I’m posting 10 of my favorites.

10. Attack of the 50-Foot Amy (Issue #33)

It’s actually not as sexual as the cover makes it out to be. The basic premise is that Amy mistakes the can of growth spray (that Cubert and Dwight want to use for their science fair project) for hair spray and sprays waaaay too much before her anniversary date with Kif. Meanwhile, Bender teaches Fry the wonders of video piracy, but after he gets scared by a movie home alone style he eats his disc of pirated movies and starts uncontrollably acting them out. You can probably guess how these two plots connect.

While I do list this one as one of my favorites, it’s far from perfect. The artwork is good, but the scaling on Amy is very wonky so she looks more like a twenty-foot Amy (also Dwight’s eyes are drawn weird in this comic, he looks blazed out the entire time). But I cannot help but be charmed by this comic. It’s got some sweet Bender and Fry friendship moments and actually makes me believe Kif and Amy’s relationship for a little bit. They are very sweet in this comic, although Kif does go through some pain in this comic.

Best moments: They way they resolve the plot is actually pretty funny and clever, plus Bender hopped up on pirated movies is a joy. At one point Fry gets shoved by Steven Spielbot (don’t ask) and Bender goes all Rocky on his ass saying “No one talks to my gal, Adrian, like that!” It’s very sweet and...subtextual if you understand my meaning. This one also has anti comic book piracy message at the end which was ironic for me to read.

9. Doctor What (Issue #32)

The Professor creates a time traveling port-a-potty so that you can pee in whatever time and space you want, although it’s completely random. However, Zoidberg accidentally breaks the potty, so him, Leela, Fry, and Bender have to keep randomly flushing to get back home. On each of these new worlds Zoidberg keeps accidentally saving the citizens, getting medals, and ends up becoming addicted to the fame he keeps winning. Which leads to them getting stuck in a post apocalyptic New New York.

This is the infamous Leela-Bender-Fry fusion comic, Leelan von Fry-Bot. His backstory is actually a little sad, but I won’t spoil it here. This one is pretty good, because it has Zoidberg as the hero. Actually quite a few of these feature Zoidberg as a fourth member of the delivery crew which is weird, but not entirely unwelcome. It’s also fun to see these other worlds, and now that I think about it it’s actually a little similar to The Late Phillip J. Fry, what with the time travel to different interesting worlds.

Best Moments: I actually liked Leelan’s backstory, and his interactions with his “parents” (you’ll understand when you read it) are actually pretty funny and a little cute. Fry really wants to be a dad you can tell.

8. The Simpsons Futurama Crossover Crisis II

The professor creates a device that takes characters out of their stories into the real world. Trouble is, he tells the mayor that this invention is useful because you can get slave labor out of the characters because they technically have no constitutional rights. The Simpsons end up working with the Planet Express crew, but an accident leads to the release of ALL FICTIONAL CHARACTERS EVER.

This is a sequel comic to the Futurama Simpsons Infinitely Secret Crossover Crisis (fun fact: a reference to several famous comic book arcs). I chose this one above it though because I think it understood the assignment better. The original is funny, but I just don’t think that Springfield is a good setting for a Futurama crossover. Springfield for all its zaniness, is not the future. New New York, however, is great for this crossover. We get several scenes where we see the Simpsons going through space and fighting off monsters. We even get to see the other residents of Springfield in the future, Mr. Smithers becomes a space pirate and Mr. Burns falls in love with Mom, it’s great.

Best Moments: Some of them I already mentioned, but I cannot stress enough how hilarious the Burns-Mom romance is, it’s especially good when you can hear their voices in your head. I also like the friendship the Simpsons have with the Planet Express crew.

7. Six Characters in Search of a Story (Issue #14)

This is a very interesting comic. The Professor falls asleep, so to pass the time the crew decides to look through his old failed inventions, and well, that’s a very bad idea. The most interesting thing about this comic is it’s designed so that if you want you can only read certain panels to follow one person’s story. The Futurama comics do this a lot of the time and it’s always interesting.

The shenanigans that occur in this one are really funny, and there are some great looking pages in this. Also the Futurama crew clearly took ideas from the comics, and this is one of them. You can tell from the cover art that this does have elements of “Benderama” in it, what with Bender cloning himself ad infinitum. I also really like the climax, it’s a little schmultz-y for Futurama, but I don’t mind.

Best Moments: Fry gets stuck with a Spanish speaking Bender and I don’t know why but it’s really funny to me. The professor also gets some funny moments in this one. And Scruffy. Scruffy is always a delight.

6. Igner-ance is Bliss! (Issue #63)

Yeah this is the infamous robot Leela and Fry comic. Don’t worry, like the cover says, it’s not as dramatic as it looks. The crew has to go to a world that’s too dangerous for humans, so Fry, Leela, and Zoidberg all have their consciousnesses put into robot doubles so they can make the delivery. However, it turns out this planet is a sort of getaway spa for robots, and the crew decides to party it up there, at least until Bender discovers that this is a front for an evil plot by Mom. The subplot is mostly about how Igner is not respected by his brothers.

This one is fun, and I love a comic where Bender has to be the voice of reason. It is clearly killing him to be the responsible one, but I love it. Also, I have a soft spot for Igner, so it’s nice to see him get thrown a bone for once. This also has some really fun jokes with everyone, but Zoidberg in particular gets some bangers. I think my only problem is it ISN’T as cool as the cover makes it out, but like I’m happy with what it is.

Best Moments: Fry beats up Bender at one point and wins, I think he deserved it. Also, y’all know Admiral Ackbar from Star Wars? He makes some cameos in this one. Also all the robots (sans Bender) make a Japanese style mecha and it’s the coolest thing ever. Plus everything I’ve said about Igner I love in this one. Oh also Fry beats Calculon at poker and I really love that.

5. Who’s Dying to be a Gazillionaire? (Issue #5)

This one is sweet. The IRS is threatening to bankrupt Planet Express, and if they can’t think of a way to make a million dollars they will go out of business. No one really has any ideas and doesn’t even really care, except for Fry who is determined to save Planet Express. He gets the idea to go onto Who Wants to be a Gazillionaire to make the money, even though it’s a trivia show and if he loses he will die.

This one really warms my heart, it’s Fry at his best, just doing what he can for the people he loves. Even the professor is great in this one. I don’t want to spoil it, but trust me when I say it’s good (god I hope I’m not building this up too much).

Best moments: The end panel. But also the resolution of the story is great, and I really appreciate this comic for Fry as a character.

4. Rumble in the Jungle (Issue #38)

This is a fine comic. Leela is mad that she’s not being respected by Fry and Bender, and it’s bad enough that they don’t believe her when she says they’re going to crash into a planet. They end up parachuting down and getting separated. Leela ends up as queen of some workers in the “Amazon,” meanwhile Fry finds Bender’s corpse and goes off to avenge him.

This one is fun, and another fun one for Fry, because he’s determined to avenge Bender and works hard for it. This also includes the original Frender, not the ship but fusion. Leela and Fry even have a fight scene against each other and it’s honestly great.

Best Moments: Fry is great throughout the entire comic, and Leela spends most of her time beating up random animals. Bender also using a lead parachute he made out of toys he stole from children is funny, especially because I’m always a sucker for Bender doing dumb shit.

3. Don’t Go Taking My Heart! (Issue #69) (nice)

Mom only has a couple weeks to live, unless she can get a heart transplant. It’s revealed that Mom uses the cryogenics lab to get new body parts for herself, and that Fry was supposed to be her heart donor! Unfortunately, because he was unfrozen she now has to get him to work for Mom Corp to make sure his heart stays intact for the procedure.

If you can’t tell I love the Fry-centric comics, and I also like the comics where Mom is the villain. Of course this comic doesn’t go completely how you expect it to go, it’s actually REALLY sweet. I also love the fact that in this comic Fry actually makes a great intern. He basically has the job of a secretary and he’s GOOD at it. And I love seeing when Fry is good at things. The reason why I put this at only 3 is because it doesn’t really have a subplot. Bender gets a job at mom corp to but it’s only there for a couple pages, and Leela’s new crew gets two panels and that’s it.

Best Moments: The moments with Mom and Fry, but also guess who Mom’s doctor is? I’m actually not going to reveal it because it’s so random but also hilarious.

2. Boomsday! (Issue #58)

The Professor builds Bender his own parents, as a way to placate/discipline Bender. However, these parents decide that Fry is a bad influence on Bender, leading to them kicking him out. Meanwhile, the Professor’s doomsday devices are all stolen, and he has to go find them.

Both of these plots are funny and good. Bender’s plot is also really sweet what with his friendship with Fry, and his wish for parents. Meanwhile the Professor’s plot is just really funny and I do love seeing the Professor in his element. The ending is mostly heartwarming.

Best Moments: Everything with Fry and Bender, and Bender has a sweet relationship with his fake parents. Also, the Professor uses Issac Asimov candles on the robot mafia which I found a great joke. Oh, and the Professor’s first doomsday device was made when he was four years old and I love that. The end of the comic also has very nice message.

1. Rotten to the Core (Issue #27)

The world’s weather has gone kerflooey, and the Professor has figured out that his invention that can drill into the center of the Earth has been used. It conspires that Bender sold it at a yard sale to some aliens call the magmoids. The magmoids are trying to steal magma from the Earth’s core and the crew has to go and stop them.

This is my favorite because it’s a great character comic. All of the main three have great moments, and it’s also a great science comic. The Earth’s core is incredibly magnetic so of course Bender starts spouting out folk songs, and also SECRETS. I can’t believe no one has used the fact that canonically magnets make Bender incapable of telling lies. Anyway, it’s just really fun.

Best Moments: Way too many to count. Bender and Fry are told to cut out the “Brokeback Moanin,’“ Leela and Fry are bitter at the end, Fry tells story about his childhood, Bender has some great secrets to tell, the Professor gets a really fun ending, Bender has a rare moment of generosity, and the entirety of the climax is all kinds of fun and sweet.

[disgruntledspacedad]

Javier Peña and commitment

a better love series  character analysis

Okay, not-so-briefly, let me finish what I started with this post, and say a few more words about Javier Peña and commitment. 

I think typical fanon describes Javi as a rogue, smoky, commitment-phobe man slut. The kind of guy who never settles down because he’s too busy having fun with his hookers. And yeah, at first glance, that’s a valid assumption. Javi definitely puts off that vibe. Hell, I think he even believes that of himself. 

I call bullshit, though. 

Javi is obviously an affection starved softie who is seeking intimacy and human contact. He just doesn’t know how to get it. Watch how deeply he connects with each of the women he sleeps with. He publicly greets the hookers in Medellín by name (like seriously what man does this??) and his relationship with Gabby seems intensely personal. He cares about what happens to her. He’s sweet, almost tender with her. 

This is a man with a huge heart and deep, unfulfilled needs.

Now, let me tease apart what I think happened that scarred Javi so profoundly.

I want to start with his family life. 

Now, a lot of this falls deep into headcanon territory, but this entire post is in context of Better Love, so that’s fine. However, I don’t think it’s too far off the mark for canon Javi, too. Just things to bear in mind.

Okay, so in The Kingpin Strategy, Chucho makes references to the fact that Javi has always been free spirited and idealistic. “You couldn’t wait to get out of here.”

Javi says, “It was right here, wasn’t it? The last time we had this conversation.” He sounds resentful, frustrated.

And Chucho replies, “You didn’t listen to me then, either.”

Man oh man, this says a lot. There’s a lot of reference to some very old bitterness, most (but not all of it) on Javi’s end. Let’s break it down.

In Better Love, Javi lost his mom to colon cancer when he was nineteen. We know from canon that he was chomping at the bits to get out of town, so I kind of think that Javi packed his bags the day that he turned eighteen and left. He’s from a small, close knit family, and him taking off into the blue without any warning would have shocked them. It would have hurt. 

The fact that he and Chuco have their conversation in the driveway is telling, too. 

I think Javi spent some significant time estranged from his family, and things were probably still rocky between them when his mom passed away. Colon cancer can be pretty subtle. Javi’s mom didn’t get a diagnosis until it was far too late for effective treatment. It would have hit her hard and fast, and she and Javi may not have had much time to reconcile. Hell, she was upset by Javi leaving - she may not have even told him what was going on.

Ouch.

Now, Javi is a guy that silently shoulders all of the responsibility that he’s not meant to carry, and he’s absolutely going to blame himself for taking off like that, and for being too stubborn to call home and check on Mom. Her death is the first in a series of wounds that lead to Javi’s (very misguided) belief that he’s a shit human, when truly, nothing could be further from the truth. 

Next, let’s talk about Lorraine. 

We know from Javi’s conversation with Steve that he thinks Lorraine was better off without him, giving us another glimpse of that deep seated self-loathing that we know he carries. Javi almost sounds wistful, like he regrets leaving her. Certainly, he regrets hurting her (more proof that Javi is actually a pretty sensitive guy - he knows he fucked up). But then we actually meet Lorraine in season three, and there’s something really weird there. 

Now, granted, Javi left her at the alter. Things are bound to be weird. But look at how he’s drawn to her, like he just can’t help crossing the room to see her again, even years later. That was the first big red flag for me. 

Then, watch how Lorraine treats him. She’s dismissive, pretty biting. And okay, yeah, she’s well within her right to be bitter. But then she says this:

“Can you imagine if we actually were married?”

Like, scoffs it. Guys, that’s a pretty serious dig. Lorraine is implying that Javi is beneath her, that he could never, ever be decent husband material. And watch his reaction. He takes this cut like he’s used to taking this cut from her. I don't know, but to me, it just reeks of a history of toxicity.

Men are absolutely capable of being the victims of toxic relationships and emotional abuse. I mean, duh. But try telling that to Javier Peña, with his tendency to internalize and self destruct. 

It would make a lot of sense to me that their relationship was built on this type of fucked up interaction, with Lorraine constantly pushing Javi to be this perfect dude with a white picket fence, and constantly calling him on his “failure” to do so. Maybe some of it was rooted in racism and classism - Lorraine seems like she could be that petty, materialistic type. Maybe Javi just wasn’t ready to settle down. 

Remember, too, that Javi’s love language is acts of service. He’s not a super romantic guy in the traditional sense, but he wants to do things for the person he loves, practical, tangible things to keep them safe and happy. If Javi thought that he could do better by Lorraine by putting a ring on her finger, it might be pretty easy to persuade him that he “ought” to do that, especially if there’s a continued history of verbal abuse. Remember that we tend to believe the things our abusers say about us, and that most of the time, this stuff starts subtle. If Lorraine is constantly suggesting that Javi’s not good enough for her, eventually, he’s going to fucking believe it. 

And consider the fallout of skipping town on your wedding day. No matter if the relationship is healthy or not, men tend to get the short end of the stick when it comes to breakup sympathy, and to leave a pretty woman like Lorraine waiting at the alter? My god, people would have been vicious to Javi. 

He probably believed all of the shitty things they said about him.

Javi threw himself into his career, and between a dangerous, high stress job with the DEA and never addressing these old hurts (Javi just doesn’t do that, you know), what you wind up with is a deeply wounded, “self sufficient” (read: emotionally constipated) man with raging self esteem issues and an intense fear of emotional intimacy. Now, all of this shit might have scarred Javi, but it doesn’t change his nature. Javi has a huge heart, he’s fiercely idealistic, and he desperately wants to do the right thing. And we all need love and human connection. 

Javi just denies this emphatically. 

But the ugly truth is, Javi avoids long term relationships because he thinks he doesn’t deserve them. It’s not even about being hurt again, not anymore. He almost sees it as an ethical thing, dammit. Give this boy a hug. 

This is why it took a fucking bomb to get him off his ass and admit his feelings for Ears. Javi would never, ever have done that without something very radical catching his attention. He would have let Ears walk straight out of his life, and yeah, it would have torn him to pieces, and he’d have always regretted it and wondered ‘what if,’ but that fear is an old, deeply rooted thing. That’s why I have Ears sort of pick up on the gravity of Javi saying, “I’m all in,” to her at the end of The Rules of Engagement. She’s not eloquent, but she’s pretty intuitive, and she knows that a commitment is something that Javier Peña does not take lightly.

And let me just say this about commitment: Javier Peña is a man who honors his fucking commitments. Watch what he’s willing to do for his informants - he always, always puts their wellbeing first, even before his own, even before the integrity of the hunt for the cartels. 

And Javier Peña is beyond devoted to bringing down the cartels. Like, that’s his entire arc in the show, right?

He’s committed to justice, too. Like fiercely, will do fucking anything to make things right, to make them fair. He wants to do the right thing so much it burns.

So, I don’t think it’s fair at all to say that Javier Peña is a man who fears commitment. He fears intimacy, while at the same time, he craves it. He fears human connection, when really, that’s the thing he needs most. 

But he doesn’t fuck around once he decides something. 

Which is the really, really fun thing about Better Love. For the first time, we get to see Javier Peña, the idealist who wears his poorly disguised heart blatantly on his sleeve, the man who goes for broke trying to get things done, the man who’s passions literally destroy him, in an intensely emotional relationship with another human. One who is just as devoted to him in return. 

So, anyway, if you’re still reading this, wow. I just wanted to babble about how Javier Peña is far more than brooding testosterone. Actually, he’s a very soft boy who needs patience and a lot of healing, and somebody who is willing to meet him exactly where he is and love him because of it.

And I want to give him that. 

[erimeows]

Two Sides Of The Same Coin (NSFW)

Bruce Wayne had gotten good at telling how agitated Jim Gordon was on any particular day by counting the number of cigarettes he smoked.

When it was an especially good night, Jim didn’t smoke around the vigilante at all, claiming that it was rude to ruin his poor, healthy lungs with secondhand smoke. On a normal night, Gordon would smoke one or two cigarettes to ease the edge, making sure to do it a few feet away from the suit-clad Wayne to be polite- even if the wind blew it back in his face regardless. Then, when it was a bad night, Gordon would smoke upwards of an entire pack while pacing around the rooftop of the GCPD where they usually met, and all Bruce- Batman- could do was awkwardly watch.

Based on the fact that Gordon was now halfway through the pack he’d opened when Bruce had gotten there, he’d say that tonight must’ve been a really bad night for the commissioner of the GCPD.

“You seem frustrated, Gordon,” Batman commented and watched as the brunette froze in place and let out a huff of smoke.

“That’s because I am frustrated, Batman.”

“What’s on your mind?”

Clearly ready to get it all off his chest, Jim put his cigarette out on the concrete ground beneath their feet and laid down, staring at the night sky. It was out of character for him to act so relaxed in front of Batman, but there were times that he got on rants where he let his reservations go for a bit, and those times made it obvious that he didn’t really have anyone to talk to aside from the ravenette. So, Batman listened- happily so.

“I had a meeting with Bruce Wayne today…” Batman perked up at the mention of his name, excited. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t enamored with the police commissioner and he had been for a long time now. While their relationship was certainly rocky, he still loved him, and he was able to express that love as Bruce Wayne- at least in subtle ways, like meeting with him frequently and buying him expensive gifts. He had to admit that he hid behind his wealth a lot around Gordon when he was just Bruce, and it was evident that Gordon definitely didn’t like that, but he figured the situation would work itself out. “I can’t tell you everything, but we were talking about him potentially donating some money to the GCPD.”

“Is that so?” He asked as if he didn’t already know. He remembered how it had gone, too; Jim had been rather snippy and stiff the whole time, completely different from the Gordon he interacted with as Batman. He knew it was his fault, though- the way he acted around Gordon as Bruce Wayne was merely him hiding behind his wealth because he was afraid of showing the other man his true self and getting rejected. “How’d it go?”

“He gets on my nerves… God, I can’t stand him!”

“Oh,” Batman said as his whole world crashed down on him.

He thought that, at most, Jim might’ve moderately disliked Bruce Wayne.

He didn’t think that Jim couldn’t stand Bruce Wayne. Now that he knew, the fact stung in a way that made his stomach churn and his chest ache with a painful, lingering sort of hurt.

“I didn’t even ask for his money either! He just contacted me first and practically had me dragged into his office for this meeting that, honestly, I wanted nothing to do with,” Gordon huffed and puffed and got back up to continue his anxious pacing, tossing his hands up in the air in anger. “He started it off by gifting me with this- this watch that’s way too expensive for me to be wearing, which is a little weird, but fine- I’m just not used to such expensive gifts- what really got me was his attitude.”

“His attitude?”

“Yeah! He just waves his money around in people’s faces like it’s the most impressive thing on the planet, and he tries to talk to me way too much when I know damn well he doesn’t care about me as a person; just the GCPD, and it’s annoying, because he tries to act all suave and cool and confident and… It seems fake, like all those other corrupt billionaire rich guys. I wish he’d just be real with me.”

Batman moved from where he’d been standing on the ledge and instead placed himself right in front of Jim, his gloved hands on the smaller man’s tense shoulders.

“Deep breaths, Jim,” Bruce spoke, a frown taking over his face. Had he really left that bad of an impression…? Acting the way he did in front of Jim when he wasn’t in costume would have any other man or woman in Gotham tripping over themselves to be his, but then again, Gordon wasn’t like anyone else in Gotham, and he knew that. He should’ve done things differently. “He can’t be that bad.”

“If I’m being honest, I really hate the guy.”

“I see…” Bruce trailed off and, embarrassingly, had to cast his gaze downwards and blink the tears out of his eyes to keep himself from crying right then and there. He pretended to have received a call and looked at the other man in front of him. “Ah, sorry Jim, I’ve gotta go.”

Then, he was off without another word.

When he got back to Wayne Manor, he was glad that Alfred was the only one there. No more meetings that night, no criminals, no emergencies, nothing and no one but his turbulent emotions, himself, and Alfred. He made his way into the Batcave where Alfred was waiting for him and immediately started unleashing his feelings; the anger, the bitterness, the hurt, the awkwardness of it all, channeled into how he aggressively stripped himself of the batsuit and tossed all of the expensive, high-end equipment onto the ground without a care instead of hanging it up all nice and neat like he usually would.

“Master Bruce, something seems to be troubling you,” Alfred- bless the man- said his words gently and picked up the discarded clothing and armor, then hung all of it up for him.

“That’s because something is troubling me,” He grumbled as he finished stripping down until he was in nothing but his tight undershirt and loose boxers.

He would’ve been uncomfortable doing this in front of anyone else, but, well, Alfred was Alfred, and the two were so close that he didn’t feel ashamed doing anything in front of the older man these days.

“Do you care to confide in me?” Alfred offered along with a change of clothes; Bruce’s favorite pajama pants and a matching button-up pajama shirt.

“It’s Commissioner Gordon. While I was out tonight, he confided in me that he… Hates Bruce Wayne,” Alfred turned around to give him privacy, so he changed very quickly before trudging his way over to the makeshift medbay they had and sitting down on the end of the bed. His butler followed him, but remained standing. “He doesn’t know any better, doesn’t know that I am Bruce Wayne, but… How do I even respond to that?”

“Well, Master Bruce, I’m not sure why it bothers you so much. As long as you’re still getting your work done with the commissioner, your personal relationship with him isn’t of too much importance unless…” Bruce simmered in his own embarrassment as Alfred paused to look at his face, clearly analyzing his face. He didn’t want Alfred to know about his feelings for the commissioner, but after knowing Bruce for so many years, the white-haired man put it together easily and blinked, his thin lips forming into a tight ‘o’ as everything clicked into place. “Oh. My apologies.”

“He hates me, Alfred,” Bruce pressed his feet into the floor, rested his elbows on his knees, and held his head in his hands.

“Well, why do you think he hates Bruce Wayne but not Batman? If those dreamy expressions you usually come back wearing after your nightly escapades with him to talk about Gotham’s criminal activity are anything to go by, you two get along quite swimmingly when the mask is on.”

“He told me why,” He spoke through gritted teeth. “He said that Bruce Wayne screams ‘corrupt billionaire’, that Bruce Wayne flaunts his money and his wealth, that Bruce Wayne seems like he isn’t genuine at all, that Bruce Wayne is just a self-absorbed asshole who thinks he can get everything he wants in life because of his wealth and-”

“I’ve noticed that you do act differently around Commissioner Gordon. Why is that?”

“I… I wanted to impress him. I mean, why else would I act the way I do? I know it’s stupid, and I knew that Jim of all people wouldn’t be impressed by my money, but I guess it felt safer for me to hide in that safety net of mine, and now…”

“Master Bruce… This is a simple problem with a simple solution,” Alfred knelt down to his level and placed a frail yet reassuring hand on his clothed knee. “All you have to do is adjust your attitude and be yourself around him, right?”

“It’s not that easy… What if he gets suspicious? Bruce Wayne changing everything about himself that Jim hates after he told Batman everything he hates about Bruce Wayne will make his alarm bells ring!”

“You could make it happen gradually. I didn’t say you had to have a three sixty personality change all at once.”

“Oh my God, Alfred, he hates me,” He groaned and stomped his foot on the ground.

Alfred stood up straight and crossed his arms.

“Master Bruce-”

“He hates me!”

“Master Bru-”

“I don’t know what to do-”

“Master-”

“He’s never gonna-”

“Mas-”

“What if I can’t fix-”

“MASTER BRUCE!”

The older man’s voice echoed loudly in the room, uncharacteristically deep, authoritative, and booming. Realizing that he’d been cutting the butler off for a few minutes now, Bruce gave an apologetic nod and stared up at him. He felt like he was a child again, getting scolded for not sleeping or eating enough, though they were both so much older now.

“...Oh. Sorry, Alfred.”

“You have to consider that your feelings for the commissioner may be clouding your judgment, Master Bruce. You wouldn’t care about his opinion of you were he anyone else. You just happen to be smitten, for lack of a better word. I think what you need to do is simply try to change your behavior in a subtle manner; be yourself, and he’ll love you just as much as he loves Batman.”

“He doesn’t love Batman,” He spat, a light pink dusting across his high cheekbones.

“Well, he likes Batman, and that’s certainly better than hate,” Alfred chuckled.

“You’re right… Thank you, Alfred.”

“Any time, Master Bruce.”

The next evening, Bruce sat in his large living room, anxiously biting his nails as he awaited the arrival of no other than Jim Gordon. He’d emailed the older man asking if they could meet at his manor for dinner, and surprisingly, Jim had agreed. Maybe he didn’t hate Bruce all that much after all, maybe he’d just been especially frustrated with him yesterday- or maybe he was wrong. Honestly, he didn’t know.

The sun was just about to set- he could see it through the large bay windows, the sky streaked with a variety of deep oranges, pinks, and purples. If he had timed this right, he would be able to finish this dinner with Commissioner Gordon and send him on his way with positive feelings about Bruce Wayne before he had to go do his nightly patrol as Batman. His plan was a little more calculated than he would usually bother with for anyone else, but it was Gordon, and he was willing to do anything for Gordon.

It was a little later that the doorbell rang, signaling that Jim was there. He rushed to answer the door just a little too fast, only to be faced with an irritated looking Jim, who stood there with crossed arms and a quirked brow, tapping one of his feet impatiently against the porch.

“What’s the meeting for this time?”

“Oh, uh,” Bruce stepped aside to allow Jim inside, a pit of anxiety forming in his stomach. Now that he knew just how the older man felt about him, the tension between them was palpable. He shut the door behind both of them and nervously glanced at Jim, who looked terribly unimpressed. “Forgive me if I made it sound like a meeting, but honestly, I just wanted to talk to you for a bit.”

Suddenly, Jim looked suspicious of him, thick brows furrowing together as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“About what?”

“Nothing in particular. I’d just like to get to know you more.”

“Alright, let’s cut to the chase,” Jim took a large step towards him and jabbed a bony finger right between his toned pectorals. He noticed a bright red blush on the other man’s cheeks, but he didn’t dare comment on it. “Where is this coming from? What do you want? Is there some sort of deal-?”

“No, Gordon- Jim, I’d just like to get to know you a little better, the real you, the you outside of the work we do,” In a fit of boldness, Bruce reached forward to gently grab the hand of Gordon’s that had just been touching his clothed chest. “Will you give me that chance?”

“I… Well, I don’t know what to say,” Jim sighed and pulled his hand away. Bruce frowned at the loss of warmth. “What’s caused this change of heart, Mr. Wayne?”

“Please, call me Bruce.”

“Bruce…” Jim said his name like it was foreign, and it did sound that way coming from in between his lips, but the ravenette found that he could get used to it.

“And to answer your previous question, someone close to me made me realize that I haven’t been treating you the way I should,” He said, which completely went against Alfred’s advice of doing this ‘gradually’, but he wanted to avoid what Gordon seemed to hate so much about him- the beating around the bush, the lack of directness, the hesitation in being straightforward like he usually was when he was fighting crime on the streets of Gotham as the honest and unabashed Batman. “I understand now that there’s been some tension between us for a while, and that it would ease up quite a bit if I just acted like my true self around you instead of trying to put on a front to impress you.”

Gordon’s expression softened. His shoulders relaxed, and he uncrossed his arms, shoving his hands in the pockets of the large bomber jacket he was currently wearing.

It worked. Jim was letting his guard down, and Jim was open to talking to him. Thank God.

“So what, are we just gonna stand here and chit chat?” He chuckled.

“No, actually. I have something better planned,” Bruce gave half a smile. “Follow me?”

Gordon nodded, and with that, Bruce led him into the dining room, which was connected to his large kitchen. He had the brunette sit down at one end of the table, that of which was long and decorated with a dark cloth that had flowers sewn into it in thin, flowy silver. Perfectly polished wine glasses, fine China plates, and silverware were in front of both seats while a bottle of his favorite wine along with three candles were lit and rested in the ebony candelabra that was set on the middle of the table. Paired with the dim lighting in the room, the subtle and warm glow made the scene that of a perfect romantic dinner.

Though Gordon looked a little awkward, he settled into the fancy wooden chair and rested his elbows on the tabletop as Bruce slipped into the kitchen. He turned the oven off, put oven mitts on, and removed the dish he’d cooked from the heat before grabbing a serving spatula and returning to the dining room. When he did, he placed the large glass pan on top of the marble board he had gotten out especially for this.

“Is that… Shepherd’s pie?” Gordon tilted his head, clearly confused as Bruce heaped a generous portion onto his plate and did the same for himself before pouring them both a glass of wine and sitting down to eat.

“I did some digging to find out that it was your favorite,” Bruce confessed and averted his gaze, only to then stare back at Jim the second the other man looked away from him.

Jim Gordon looked nothing short of gorgeous. The candle light, warm and soft, brought out Jim’s matching features; the different shades of brown and auburn in his hair and mustache, the light pink dusting his stubbly cheeks, the pools of pale blue that hid behind his glasses, the dimples on his cheeks, the stress lines on his forehead and cheeks that came from years of parenting and police work.

“You couldn’t have just asked me what my favorite food was?” Jim scoffed and rolled his eyes. “And I’m surprised your butler didn’t serve us. Did you have him leave after he cooked it for you so we could have some alone time?”

“No, actually, I gave him the whole day off… And I cooked this a little bit before you got here. I just left it in the oven to stay warm.”

The food had cooled off, so they both began to eat. It was a little different than what he was used to, but he didn’t mind it. The food was homey but wholesome and rich, the potatoes soft and creamy, the carrots textured and earthy, and the meat spicy and flavorsome.

“It’s… Actually, it’s really good,” Jim said, voice full of surprise.

“Really?” Bruce blinked. “Thank you.”

“Do you cook a lot?” Gordon asked between another bite and a sip of wine.

“I’ve been trying to… It certainly eases the burden on Alfred, and it’s fun to be able to create things.”

“I never would’ve guessed that about you.”

“Do you cook a lot?”

“I don’t make much, and I have kids. It’s either home cooked meals or McDonald’s- even when their mom was around, I was the one who did all the cooking,” Jim laughed something tired and sardonic as he ran a hand through his hair to sweep the chestnut brown and peppery grey locks back and out of his face. They weren’t long by any means, but they weren’t as short and neatly kept as usual either- certainly due for a cut. Then again, Bruce noticed that Jim had been neglecting himself a lot recently; his hair was growing just a little too long, he hadn’t shaved in weeks, he looked like he was losing weight from skipping meals in favor of working, and there were light purple bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. Bruce wished that the older man would prioritize himself more. “It’s not really a hobby for me, though… Just a chore.”

“I see,” His eyes flickered to Gordon’s plate, which was now empty. “Would you like some more?”

“Sure,” Before Bruce could stand and fix Jim more of the food, Jim did it himself and gave him a big, dopey grin. He wondered if Jim actually hated him like he’d claimed the night before or if he’d just said that in the midst of his frustration. “I’m surprised you didn’t just take me to some big fancy restaurant.”

“Are you disappointed?” Bruce snarked.

“Not at all. I actually prefer this. Going to fine dining restaurants always stresses me out- I never know what anything on the menu is and the dress codes are unnecessarily formal.”

“That makes sense,” He responded without thinking before noticing how his words could be taken and backtracking. “I mean, uh, I feel the same way. I didn’t mean to phrase it like that.”

“It’s fine,” Jim shrugged and gave him a casual, dismissive wave. “It would be ridiculous to try to pretend that there’s no differences between us, Bruce.”

Silence overtook them. It was oddly comfortable, so Bruce enjoyed it while he could, simply taking the opportunity to stare at Jim in his entirety. Seeing the commissioner when he wasn’t stressed out or working was new and unfamiliar, but he enjoyed it; seeing the man simply exist in a setting as domestic as them sharing a homemade dinner. Every once in a while, Jim would catch him. They’d meet eyes, look at each other for a little too long, and then Bruce would glance away before repeating the action. He was just thankful that Jim didn’t say anything.

Eventually, it was clear that they were done eating and drinking. Bruce had indulged in another three glasses of wine while Gordon had only poured himself two more, but both men were equally as buzzed by the time Bruce took the leftovers to the kitchen to store them and took their dishes to the kitchen to wash them and put them up. When he returned to the table, he tried to pull himself together, because while he wasn’t even close to drunk, his senses were altered enough by the alcohol that his brain was a little murky, his thoughts were a little foggy, and his body was on fire with heat.

“How do you feel?” He asked Gordon, who was staring down at the table across from where Bruce was seated.

“You want the honest answer to that?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”

“I feel…” Jim stopped to pinch the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “Awkward. Nervous. Confused.”

“About?”

“Like I said earlier, very sudden change of heart from you. This is a lot different than your usual self.”

“This is my usual self. I was just nervous to show you that.”

“Why? If anything, I’m the only one who has any reason to be nervous,” Jim, was predictable as ever, stood from his chair and began to pace around the table. Every once in a while, he’d pass Bruce, but the ravenette tried not to stare at him too much and instead focused on what to say next.

“I… Admire you a lot, if that makes sense. Unlike every other cop in Gotham, you’re honest, you’re kind, and you want what’s best for the city despite its flaws, so I wanted to get close to you. I guess I thought that you’d be impressed by my wealth like everyone else is, but you’re not, and I should’ve known that.”

“...Oh,” Jim stopped and stood next to where Bruce sat, so the ravenette stood up, not wanting the older man to loom over him. “What made you come to this realization?”

“I’d rather not say,” Bruce answered and stared down at Jim, who was looking up at him with a rather puzzled expression.

“I never thought I’d see you in this light. I’m sure I made it obvious enough, but I’ve always disliked you, and now… Well, I don’t know what to say. My feelings are complicated.”

“By complicated… Do you mean that in a romantic way?” He murmured and reached down to rest a single hand on the side of Jim’s face, surprised that the brunette didn’t reject the touch or move away. A flame of hope flickered in his chest.

“No- Well, I don’t know, to be honest with you, Bruce,” Jim shook his head and laughed in what sounded like disbelief. “We’re both adults, right? Meaning I can tell you something and you won’t go tell anyone else?”

“Of course.”

“Even if it’s kind of ridiculous?”

“Even if it’s kind of ridiculous,” He promised with a smile and a nod.

“I’m… In love with Batman.”

Bruce blinked.

It felt like Jim was making the world as he knew it shatter around him like he’d done last night, but this time, it was in the best way possible. That was the initial feeling, anyway- until he realized that Jim wasn’t in love with him, with Bruce Wayne, but with Batman.

“You’re what?” He demanded, unsure if he’d even heard correctly. Maybe the alcohol was screwing with his hearing. “No, really, I need to hear you say it again.”

“In love with Batman,” Jim said it quieter this time, almost like a whisper, his low tone laced with shame. He looked off to the side as he nervously rubbed one of his clothed arms, and his cheeks were so red that Bruce swore he could feel the heat radiating off of him. “I know, it’s stupid-”

“It’s not, but… Why? I mean, he’s a man in a suit breaking the law and I’m-” Bruce cut himself off before he could say ‘I’m everything you could ever want,’. “I’m…Baffled.”

“I just… I mean, it’s crazy, I know. At first, it was the mysterious appeal that he had, the thrill he’d brought to my life. I was in the middle of my divorce and felt trapped in a job where I was surrounded by people with goals that were so much different than mine, and he swooped in and fixed it all, brought something new and exciting to the table that I’d never experienced.”

“So you just love him because he’s exciting to you?” He spat, a bit offended before he managed to settle down. “...I’m not sure I’d consider that love as much as I would consider it infatuation.”

“That���s not why I love him, it was why he caught my attention. I love him because I got to know him, and well? He’s a hell of a guy. Sure, I don’t know when and where I’m going to see him, and our friendship isn’t stable, but… He’s pretty great. He’s got this morbid, twisted sense of humor, a beautiful smile, morals that actually align with mine, and so much more. He tries to come off as this gruff, mean, brooding sort of guy, but he’s really, truly kind. I mean,do you even know how much he sacrifices for this city? I can’t imagine spending all hours of the night fighting crime for free while getting beat up by thugs and chased by the GCPD, only to have to go to my regular day job in the morning. What does he even do for a living? When does he have the time to sleep? And he’s so cool, too! And so pretty… God, I could go on for hours.”

Bruce had always heard that your best friends weren’t the ones who complimented you to your face, but the ones who complimented and defended you when you weren’t around. And sure, Batman technically was there listening to him, but Jim didn’t know that. All Bruce could do was stand there with his heart swelling in his chest and his mind going haywire as Jim sat there with an utterly dreamy smile on his face.

“Who knows…”

Silence again- that is, until Jim looked up at him with pleading eyes and spoke.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing,” He muttered, only to break seconds later under the intensity of Jim’s eyes scrutinizing his face. “You just look especially gorgeous when you’re talking about a passion of yours… And it seems like Batman is indeed a passion of yours, Jim.”

“I guess you could say that… He really is a passion of mine, isn’t he?”

“Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?”

“Stop it,” Jim scolded rather light-heartedly and put a palm flat against Bruce’s clothed chest. It was clear that the alcohol was getting to him, too, because Bruce had never seen Jim so loose and relaxed. “I’m not allowed to go from hating you to finding you this attractive in one night. I already have enough issues going on in my non-existent love life right now, Bruce Wayne.”

“You’re allowed to do whatever you’d like, Jim Gordon. I’d never stop you.”

There was a brief moment of hesitation before the brunette put his hands on Bruce’s hips.

“Oh, to hell with it,” Jim leaned forward, aromatic wine still on his breath. He leaned up just far enough for their noses and lips to brush up against one another. “Might as well, right?”

“Might as well.”

And then, they were kissing, and the rest was a blur.

When Bruce woke up the next morning, he realized that he’d blatantly skipped his patrol as Batman to spend the night with Jim. He tried to sort through the fuzzy, alcohol-clouded memories to find out just what all they did and for how long to no avail. His movement stirred Jim, who turned around to face him with bleary blue eyes.

“Oh my God… That actually happened? I thought it was a dream…”

“Mornin’, Jim,” He said, voice low and rumbly.

But then, both he and Jim realized his mistake. The two men shot straight up with wide eyes, lush blankets pooling in their laps, Bruce ready to make some sort of excuse for his deep morning voice sounding like Batman and Jim ready to call him out. As Jim’s eyes squinted and he raised a single finger, he opened his mouth to say something, only to close it again and ponder. This happened a few more times, and all Bruce could do was sit there on his bed like a deer in the headlights with no idea of what the hell to even say.

“Oh-” Jim stopped, brows furrowing as he put the pieces together and pointed an accusatory finger at the ravenette. “You’re… You’re Batman! I’ll be damned!”

“Wait, what?” He tried to act oblivious and hoped it would work. “What makes you think that?”

“The voice and… That cut on your arm, too,” Jim leaned forward to trace two fingers over the length of a large gash that he’d stitched together for the vigilante after he’d gotten into a knife fight the week prior. In his buzzed stupor the night before, Bruce completely forgot about the wound, but Jim apparently hadn’t. “Bruce… Batman…?”

“I’m not-”

“Don’t lie to me. You even have that same tic he does when he lies,” Jim laughed, seemingly at himself, and hugged his own body as he stared down into his own lap. “The left side of your lip has this nervous twitch to it… You know, I pay more attention to you than you probably think I do.”

“Jim, I-” Bruce reached out to grab Jim’s hand, only for the brunette to snatch it away and stand from the bed, taking one of the many blankets with him to cover his nude body.

“Don’t. I need a bit to process this.”

Bruce paused. He was unsure of what Jim meant by ‘a bit’, and it scared him. Did that mean a few minutes? A few days? A few weeks? Or was Jim so upset by this revelation that he wouldn’t want to see him at all? Helplessly, he watched the commissioner awkwardly stumble around to find his discarded clothes so he could change back into them underneath the cover of the blanket. When he was done, he threw the blanket in Bruce’s direction, grabbed his keys, and put his shoes on.

“Jim, wait-”

Jim turned with a steely look in his eyes, that of which had Bruce backing down immediately. He sunk into himself.

“I’ll be back later.”

Then, Jim was gone, and Bruce was left to his own devices. So, he grabbed his phone from where he’d put it on the charger last night and gave Alfred a ring.

“...Alfred?”

“Yes, Master Bruce?”

“I messed up,” He groaned.

“Do you need me to come back?”

“Please.”

“...I’ll be right there.”

Hours passed after that. He took the day off work and canceled all of his meetings under the guise of being sick, and Alfred came back to give him some sound advice; don’t overthink it, and wait for the commissioner to come to you, Master Bruce.

Did that stop him from overthinking? Of course not. He nervously paced around Wayne Manor all day whilst overthinking with Alfred coming to check on him and reminding him to eat and drink. Eventually, though, his nervous pacing was cut off by the sound of the doorbell ringing. And just like the night before, he rushed to answer it, a huge smile taking over his face when he saw no other than Jim Gordon, who looked exhausted- even more than he thought was possible, which was really saying something.

“Jim!” He cheered.

“Bruce.”

“Would you like to come in?”

“It would be a little weird if I didn’t.”

Bruce nodded and allowed Jim inside, then shut the door behind them. They were frozen in place for a few uncomfortable moments before Bruce managed to say something.

“So, what do you think?”

“I think… I’m upset with you for not telling me who you were earlier. Don’t get me wrong, I understand, but it’s very humiliating that I told you everything I hate about you because I didn’t think that Batman and Bruce Wayne could possibly be the same person. Then, I ended up sleeping with you and finding out that you were… Well, you, in a rather vulnerable moment- Hell, Bruce, I was naked and in your bed!”

“Right… That must’ve been embarrassing for you.”

“Definitely, but that being said… I took some time to think about everything; Batman, Bruce… Me. I think that you flaunted your money in an attempt to impress me and it didn’t work, and when I told you the truth, you panicked and tried to backtrack, be yourself a bit more so I could see the real you, and… It worked. I liked what I saw, so I slept with you because I liked you and I didn’t think that anything was going to happen between me and Batman any time soon, and then everything else happened,” Jim grabbed his hand, gently rubbing circles into the back of it with his thumb. “I gotta admit, it’s definitely not how I expected my secret to come out- let alone yours, but it happened, and all we can do is move forward and be honest with each other about our feelings from now on.”

“Then I’ll start us off by saying that I love you, and I have for a long time, Jim,” Bruce cleared his throat, face burning red. “And I’m sorry I didn’t communicate that earlier.”

“I should’ve said something, too. Really, it’s both of our faults. All of this embarrassment could’ve been avoided if one of us would’ve just said something. Everything aside, Bruce, I love you, and I want to make this work.”

“So do I.”

“Then…”

“We can hash out the details later,” Bruce stepped forward and took the brunette into his arms, hugging him tight. “Stay?”

“Okay,” Jim nodded, melting into his touch. “I’ll stay.”

[jean-kayak]

I Fell For You, No Literally

Summary: Your ex-boyfriend comes walking back into your life, causing a whole bunch of emotions to resurface

Pairing: Terushima Yuuji x black!fem!reader

Warnings: mentions of past relationships, like two handfuls of angst, real fluffy at the end, A LOT of dialogue at the end, Terushima being soft, brief mentions of sickness (like real brief), hurt/comfort, exes-to-lovers?, a huge misunderstanding, it gets really stressful at one point in this thing, implied past reader x oc, smut!, fingering (f. receiving), oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex, squirting, overstimulation, little bit of aftercare, Terushima has a dick piercing LMAO, domestic things, mentions of alcohol consumption (reader gets drunk), it’s basically an emotional rollercoaster, Terushima being suggestive *sighs* i think i covered everything

Word Count: 12,881 (BITCH im sorry it wasn’t supposed to be this long)

A/N: This was originally going to be apart of the writing event that I was doing, but this was really long, and it took me a little bit longer than I thought so I figured I would just do it separately. And also I tried to do fluffy smut, I don’t really know if I did that lmao. But anyways, enjoy! 

P.S.: I also gave the reader a name bc this is really long!

All characters are 18+!!

"I think I have more lights in the back, I'll go get them," your best friend tells you, and you nod as you continue to hang up the lights on the top of your shop.

Although you realize your mistake when you lean over, and the ladder starts to slip. "Shit," you whisper, and you feel your heart drop, fear coursing through your body as you feel the ladder going down and not stopping.

You squeeze your eyes shut, bracing for impact on the freezing cold concrete, but it never comes. "Oh, my God, are you okay?!" It's a deeper voice, and you open your eyes to see that you're nowhere near the ground and that you're in someone's arms.

You're still a bit shaken from the fear of the fall, but the voice and the scent are all too familiar and it brings you back fairly quickly. You look up and see a face that you never thought you'd see again.

"You know, I'd always say you'd fallen for me," he quips, and you roll your eyes as you try to squirm out of his grip. "Wait, where you going? I like holding you like this." You chuckle softly as you roll your eyes playfully, and he lets you down. "But seriously, are you okay?"

You release a deep breath. "Yes, I'm fine. Thank you for saving me, Terushima."

He takes a few steps closer to you. "Come on, baby, you don't have to be so formal with me." You scoff as you take a step back, fully taking him in.

Terushima Yuuji. Your ex-boyfriend. Your relationship lasted all through high school and your first year of college until things went rocky. You prefer not to think about the details, but you can't not think about how good he looks right now.

He's still blond, with the undercut, and piercings, and even through his winter clothes, you can tell he's filled out a lot since you last saw him. Matter of fact, how long has it been? Three, four years?

"Three and a half," you flinch slightly. Shit, were you thinking out loud? His eyes rake down your figure, and even in the cold, you can feel the heat course through your body. "You look good."

"So do you," you reply, not really knowing what to say. How are you even supposed to talk to your exes? You've had others besides him, but you haven't made contact with them since you called it off.

There's a weird tension in the air, and you don't know what to say to break it, but luckily Kiya comes out of your shop, her eyes widening when they land on Terushima. "Oh, now, this is a surprise," she says, smirking as she looks between the two of you. "What brings you here?"

"Oh, you know, just being her knight in shining armor and catching her from falling off the ladder," he tells her smugly, and she looks at you in horror.

"Via, what did I tell you about doing things on the ladder without me watching you?" she scolds, and you shrug as you kick at the ground.

"I'm sorry, okay? And besides, I think that's enough lights for the front don't you think?" you ask, looking at the front of the shop to take in your work. Kiya follows suit, taking in the lights.

"Yeah, they look good. And I would tell you good job, but you almost killed yourself in the process." You roll your eyes again as you scoff. "Thank you, Terushima," she says, and he waves her off.

"Any time." So he still has that smug, confident personality. That hasn't changed much. You clear your throat as you gesture to the door.

"Well, I should probably open up shop. Thank you, Terushima, I really appreciate you catching me."

"C'mon, what'd I tell you about the name?" You tilt your head as you raise an eyebrow.

"See ya around, Terushima." And you're walking through the door.

Kiya comes in behind you a few seconds later, and you just brace yourself for the conversation that's about to happen and is going to last at least twenty minutes. "Holy crap, he is still hot as hell." You sigh as you put on your apron. You don't respond, and she knows you're agreeing with her, so he continues talking.

"No, Kiya, don't even go there."

"What? What's wrong with rekindling the flame, at least a little?"

"You remember how we left off," you remind her, and you see her wave you off before washing her hands.

"Okay, that was a few years ago. People change."

You scoff. "Yeah, I doubt he's changed." The conversation is quickly put to bed as people start to come in, and you submerge yourself in your cooking.

This week was your shopping week, but Kiya had family things so you're at the store by yourself, collecting a ton of food to stockpile for the shop. You feel a headache coming on as you cross out another item off the list, your vision full of lines every time you look up from the crumpled piece of paper.

You also have to carry and put all of these groceries in your car, and you want to whine in annoyance, that headache starting to beat behind your eyelids, and the cold isn't helping either. "You look like you could use some help, m'lady." You sigh heavily, recognizing the voice immediately.

"You're not following me are you, Terushima?" you ask, playfully, but a part of you is serious.

"Of course not, but it seems that whenever you're in trouble, I'm always around." You let out a surprised laugh, but you don't turn your attention to him, keeping it focused on putting the groceries in your car. "Let me help you," he offers, already moving to grab a bag, but you stop him.

"I got it, it's fine. Thanks anyway," you quickly tell him before catching your breath and starting again.

"Via, seriously, let me help you." Your movements falter at the nickname. Even though everyone calls you that, it always sounded different coming from him. You want to scoff at how easily your body reacted to it. You don't have the energy to fight, so you scoot over, giving him enough room to help pile the bags in your car. "So, you have your own shop," he starts, and is he really trying to make casual conversation right now?

"Yeah, I do," you respond, deciding to partake in whatever this is.

"American, right?" he asks, and you hate how he still remembers, and you drop the bag into your car a little bit more aggressively.

"Yeah. We have Japanese as well, but Kiya knows more about that than I do." He helps you put the last bag in, closing the trunk shut and returning the shopping cart.

"Well, that's great. I'm happy for you," he tells you when he gets back, and you nod as you purse your lips.

"Thanks." And there's that awkward tension again. Why was he trying to act like everything was normal? Why is he talking to you like nothing happened between you two? "Listen, Te--" You're cut off by his phone ringing, and he quickly fishes his phone out of his pocket and grimacing when he looks at the screen.

"I have to take this, uh--"

You cut him off with a wave of your hand. "Go ahead, it's okay. Thanks again," you say, quickly signaling the end of whatever this conversation was. You don't give him another look, turning around and getting into your car, thankful that it's still warm. You crank the car up and you look out the window as you do, seeing Terushima walking away on the phone.

You rest your forehead against the steering wheel. What are the fucking chances that he out of all people would walk back into your life? You take another deep breath. Thinking about it too much will only make your headache worse. You give him one last glance before driving off, hoping that you're actually getting away from him this time.

~

"You saw him again at the store?" Kiya asks, her eyes wide as she sits up on the couch. You roll your eyes from exhaustion as you stab your fork into your takeout.

"Yes, he said it's like whenever I'm in trouble, he's always around." You stab your food again, but you don't know if it's out of annoyance or anger this time.

"Okay, Via, come on, this is like a sign, isn't it?" You give her a look before shaking your head. "Why not?"

"Kiya, you were there through all of it. He's...he's not--he's probably still the same," you say, trailing off quietly, and Kiya's face turns into concern as she finally sees that the hurt you've tried to push back down is now coming to the surface. She moves closer to you on the couch before wrapping an arm around you, pulling you into her.

"You're right. I'm sorry, I just thought, maybe this one could be different. Different from those other douches you were seeing." You huff slightly, a smile forming on your face as you remember everything she said about what she didn't like about every last one of your exes.

Some of them were just flings, others could've easily gone further, but they always broke it off. You don't really know the reason, but you've sort of come to terms with it. Maybe dating just isn't your thing right now. "Yeah, I know," you say, burrowing yourself further into her embrace. "It's just, I don't know, what if it happens all over again?"

"If that does happen again, then I'll actually kill him this time." Both of you laugh at her words before she speaks up again. "But, all that aside, it's up to you what you want to do. Don't listen to me, I'm just the crazy best friend."

Your smile grows wider. "Crazy, you definitely are."

"Hey!" she says, shoving you away playfully, and you both dive back into laughter as you finish your takeout and the cheesy rom-com playing on the TV.

You sigh as you wipe off the bar counter, the shop quiet due to the fact that you're about an hour and a half from closing. You usually enjoy the serenity, grateful that it's not a rush like it is during mid-morning, lunch, and dinner. Around this time, you and Kiya usually get a chance to sit down and take a break.

You finish scrubbing off a stubborn stain on the counter when you hear the door open. "Welcome, I'll be with you in a moment," you greet out of habit without even looking up as you turn around to throw the rag into the sink.

"The place looks great." The familiar voice almost makes you stop in your tracks, but you recover quickly, wiping your hands off on a towel before turning to see Terushima sitting in the middle of the bar counter. You walk over to him, standing right in front of the counter, feeling like the counter isn't a big enough gap between the two of you.

"Thank you," you tell him honestly as you plant your hands on the edge of the counter. "What can I get for you?"

He smirks at you before he answers. "We both know you already know what I want," he says confidently, and you want to punch yourself because of the fact that you still know what his favorite food is even after you've been broken up.

"Coming right up." You turn around quickly, getting started on his order so that you can get him out of here as fast as possible before Kiya can see him. Unfortunately, that isn't the case, and she comes waltzing in from her office, her eyebrows raised high.

"Oh?" she starts, her voice a whisper. "What's he doing here?" she asks, and you shrug.

"I dunno. He just walked in here like a few minutes ago." You turn your head to look at him over his shoulder, and you see that he's taken off his coat and rolled up his sleeves. You notice that he's got a tattoo on his left arm that snakes all around his upper arm. Yeah, he's definitely gotten bigger since you've last seen him.

He looks up from his phone, catching you in the act, and he smirks at you before flexing his muscles, and your face heats up quickly, your head turning back to what you're doing. "He actually ordered something?" Kiya asks playfully with a huff, and you return it as you flip the patty.

"Yeah, I was surprised too. I thought he'd be here to bother me again," you admit.

"Which is what you would've wanted, right?" she teases, and you shove at her which makes her laugh, and yours soon follows.

"You guys talking about me?" you hear him speak up, and you roll your eyes with a scoff as you glance at him.

"Yeah," Kiya starts, "we were talking about how we could've closed up early if it weren't for you," she tells him, and you chuckle softly as you continue cooking.

"Well, I had to try the food for myself," he responds, and Kiya hums as she nods, obviously believing that he's not telling the entire truth. She starts to walk away back towards her office, but not before she nudges you softly, wiggling her eyebrows at you. You give her a look before waving her off.

Once she's left, you shudder lightly, feeling his eyes on you. You know he's watching you and everything you're doing. His eyes never leave you, watching you as you move along through the kitchen. You can't remember the last time you felt so heated under someone's gaze.

But you do remember that it took absolutely nothing for you to melt for him, and you internally shake the thoughts that are starting to pool into your head. You finish his food, sliding the plate to him softly, his drink following shortly. "Enjoy," you tell him easily, and he starts speaking before you can turn around.

"Thanks, but I think there's something that I want that's not on the menu." You roll your eyes, knowing what he's implying, but you play dumb anyway, leaning forward on the counter, resting your chin in your palm.

"Oh, and what would that be?" you ask, and he's leaning in, his face dangerously close to yours. He moves his eyes from yours to your lips before bringing them back up to your eyes. You feel your breath starting to pick up, your mouth falling open slightly, but you don't move away from him. You can't.

And then he's smirking at you again, and your knees almost give out. "You."

There's a knock on the door, and you let out an exasperated sigh that echoes throughout the walls of your apartment. You grab the baby currently sitting on the floor in the middle of your living room as another knock comes from the door. "I'm coming! Just give me a second!" you yell, your thin patience starting to disappear.

You walk to the door, yanking it open, getting ready to yell at whoever is presently throwing a monkey wrench into your day. "What are you doing here?" you deadpan, blinking a few times in confusion as you take in Terushima standing outside your apartment. "Actually, how do you even know where I live?"

He has the actual audacity to look sheepish as he rubs the back of his neck as he looks down. "I may or may not have gotten it from Kiya." You roll your eyes. Of course, it would be her. You really are going to kill her. Your niece starts fussing and you sigh. You really don't have time for this right now.

"If you wanna come in, come in," you rush out as you make your way back into your apartment. You vaguely hear the sound of the door closing and some footsteps, but you pay the sounds no mind as you set your niece in her high chair.

The first thing Terushima didn't expect when the door swung open was for you to have a baby in your arms. That alone almost distracted him from how you looked. Your hair was thrown together in a ponytail, curls falling out of it. Your shirt is covered in all kinds of stains, along with the sweatpants you're currently wearing, but Terushima thinks that you look amazing.

He slips off his coat and his shoes, throwing his scarf over his jacket before slowly making his way into the kitchen where you disappeared to. He takes in your apartment, the decorating and furnishing matching your personality to a T. The sound of fussing brings his attention to the baby that you were holding not too long ago, and he hears you speak.

"I know you're hungry, sweet girl," you say, opening the fridge. "What do you want?" you ask her even though you know she can't respond. Terushima smiles fondly as he sits down next to her, resting his arms on the island in front of him. "You want bananas?" You lift your head to look at her, and when she fusses, you try again. "How about peas and carrots?" Both her and Terushima's face screw up, and you smile softly as you turn back towards the fridge.

"Let's see," you bend over to look further into the fridge, and his eyes zero in on your ass before he snaps himself out of it. "Strawberries?" you ask hopeful, and when she laughs lightly, you smile before pulling out the container and warming it up with your hands as you bump the fridge closed.

You walk over to a drawer, opening it to pull out a small spoon before bumping it closed with your hip. The movement makes your boobs sway, and Terushima can't help but notice that he can see your nipples through your thin t-shirt. "Eyes up here, perv." Your words jolt him out of his spell, and he smirks at you as he shrugs.

"What can I say? They're nice tits." You scoff at his words, trying to fight the heat rising in your cheeks that he was checking you out, and it dawns on you how you actually look right now. You feel a little bit embarrassed, but the damage is already been done, and could you really blame yourself? You've been watching a baby all day.

Satisfied with your reaction, he turns to your niece, leaning forward to pinch her cheek softly, which makes her laugh. "And who is this pretty lady?" he asks as you smile at the interaction before walking to stand at the opposite side of the island.

"This is my niece, MJ." You set down the container of mushed food, taking off the lid before swirling around the food. You look up to see Terushima hold out a finger which she immediately grabs onto, and she smiles widely at him. "She seems to like you," you comment, feeling conflicted at the way your heart skips at their interactions. "You wanna feed her?"

You push the bowl his way, and he picks up the spoon with his other hand, his finger on his hand still being held hostage by your niece's hand. He feeds her with ease, and she even seems to be accepting the food a lot better from him than from you. "Do you think you could watch her while I get in the shower?" you ask. "I'll be quick, I promise."

"Yeah, go ahead. We'll be fine," he tells you without even looking your way.

"Are you sure?"

He finally looks at you after wiping some of the food off of her face with the spoon. "I'm sure, Via. I can handle it. Go do what you need to do." He quickly turns his attention back to MJ, and you quickly dart out of the kitchen making your way to your room.

You've been in the shower for about ten minutes, and the only thing Terushima keeps thinking about is the water running down your naked body, and he keeps shaking his head, forcing the images out of his head.

MJ's already eaten all of the food, and Terushima lightly presses on her stomach, seeing that she's completely full, and he looks around to see all of her toys in the living room. He finds the baby wipes, cleaning her up before he takes her out of the high chair and carries her to the living room.

He sets her down on the blanket you have out for her, and she immediately moves towards one of the toys as he sits on the floor next to her. Terushima's plan was mostly to bother you when he came over, and the last thing he expected was for him to be babysitting. He doesn't mind it though, he'll take any time he can spend with you. He'll take as much as he can in order to try to get you back.

He doesn't really know why he came to America, but part of him knows it was because of you. He knows that after you both graduated college, you moved back here and started your own shop. He hates how things ended between the two of you, and he wants to fix it, but he knows he's going to work hard especially because of how bad he hurt you.

He's been punching himself for three and a half years because of how stupid he was back then. If he could back in time and punch himself, he would curb stomp himself instead. He notices that he doesn't hear the water running anymore, and then he hears a door open. And he thought the clothes you had on before made you look good.

You walk out into the living room, your hair damp from the shower, and you're wearing a tank top and shorts, and he's glad you have a bra on this time. You're definitely not the same girl he dated back then. At all. "She wasn't too much trouble?" Your words jolt him out of his trance, and he forces himself to look at your eyes.

"No, she was not," he says, standing up before picking her up. He plants a small kiss on her head, but she's preoccupied with the toy in her hands to notice. "She was an angel." You sigh in relief, and Terushima moves her higher up on his hip. "Were you cooking something before I got here?" he asks, recalling something smelling really good vaguely filling his nostrils. Now, that smell has been replaced by your scent due to the fact you're standing so close to him.

"I was," you say, turning to walk into the kitchen, and he follows behind you while MJ smacks him in the face. "It was a new recipe," you continue, opening the oven. Terushima almost delays his response, his eyes zeroing on your ass again, but he manages to catch himself.

"New recipe for what?" he asks, and he's thankful when you stand up straight even though it's not that much better. When you set the pan down on the stove, you glance behind you nervously before speaking.

"It was a new recipe for cheeseburgers," you say, and he almost misses it, but he smirks as he walks around the island to stand beside you. You'd been keeping the burgers in the oven to keep them warm, and he looks down at them.

"They look really good," he comments. "You weren't thinking about me, were ya?" He has to jab at you, loving your reaction as you glare at him before looking down. "Can I try it?" he asks, and you nod before getting a knife to cut the burger in half. You grab a piece, bringing it to his mouth, and he puts the whole piece in his mouth, making sure to wraps his lips around your fingers briefly before pulling away.

The action has you feeling things that you shouldn't, and the moan he releases while he closes his eyes doesn't help either. "Oh, my God, that is amazing."

You feel your heart flutter at the compliment. "Really?" you ask softly, and he looks at you like you're crazy.

"Are you serious? This is the best thing I've ever tasted." He grabs the other half, stuffing it in his mouth before you can stop him. "Wow, you really are an amazing cook." You hate how easily your face heats up at the praise, and you just respond with a shrug. He reaches for another burger, and you grab his wrist before he can grab another one.

"You can't eat all of these!" you chastise. "I can make you some if you want me to." He uses the fact that you're still holding onto his wrist as an advantage, yanking his arm forward which causes you to bump into him. He barely moves, just wraps his arm around your waist, keeping you close to him.

"That sounds good. Thanks." You both lose yourselves in each other's eyes, time seeming to slow down as you feel your body going warm all over. God, you both missed being close to each other like this. You feel yourself starting to lean closer to him, your breaths started to mingle when MJ cries out, startling the both of you out of the spell you were in.

You jump away from him as you slightly shake your head. You did not almost kiss him. You quickly turn your attention to your niece, plucking her from his arm before walking back to the living room. Terushima sighs heavily as he puts the tray back into the oven, giving himself something to do to try to distract himself.

What would've happened if he had kissed you? Would you have kissed him back, or would you have pushed him away? He knows he's making some progress, but he doesn't know if kissing you would've ruined all of that. Do you want to kiss him? He sure wants to kiss you. He hasn't felt your lips on his in so long, and he wants to feel them so bad.

He forces those thoughts out of his head, and just as he's about to walk back into the living room, there's a knock on the door. "I'll get it," he tells you when he sees you about to stand up. He jogs to the door, and he opens it before almost being knocked down by two kids running past him.

"Boys, what did I tell you about that--Terushima?" The voice is filled with shock and confusion, and when he steadies himself, he looks at who's standing in front of him.

"Autumn?" he asks, and he steps to the side to let her in, closing the door behind him. "It's been a minute," he says, and she scoffs.

"It's been longer than a minute," she says almost in disbelief that he's standing in front of her. You walk to your sister with her daughter in your arms with your eyebrows raised.

"Aut, you wanna explain what this is?" you ask, gesturing towards the noisy boys running through your apartment. They run into your legs, both grabbing one, luckily you don't falter, still glaring holes into your sister.

"Auntie Via!" they both yell at the same time, Terushima wincing at the loud volume, and Autumn gives you a sheepish look.

"Look, something came up at the last minute, and I didn't know what else to do," she tells you, and you blink slowly.

"We have another sibling!" you argue, and she smiles at you.

"Yeah, but I don't trust him as much as I trust you," she says like that'll work, and you give her a deadpanned look. "I'm sorry, but I shouldn't be long, I promise. I owe you one," she continues, and you sigh as you roll your eyes.

"Fine," you give in, and she jumps up before giving you a hug on the side that isn't holding her daughter. She starts to head towards the door, and she waves goodbye to her kids, who really aren't paying her any mind, and she quickly slips out the door before they can see that she's leaving.

Your nephews are now focused on Terushima, prodding him with questions about his piercings and his tattoos. "I'm sorry about this," you tell him, and he looks up at you as he shrugs.

"I don't mind. I can stay if you want me to." He moves to go to the living room, but the boys jump on his legs, and he has to drag them to the living room as he walks.

"I can't ask you to do that," you say, smiling at him and your nephews.

"That's okay," he says, "You're not asking me. I'll stay," he concludes before sending a wink over his shoulder.

~

Turns out Autumn's "I won't be long" turned into five hours. Yeah, she definitely owes you. You're thankful that Terushima stayed, he was able to occupy the kids while you got stuff done that you had planned to do today. But you also hate how domestic it all felt, and it makes your heart do something weird. Like it doesn't know how to feel about the whole thing.

He even somehow managed to feed MJ while keeping your nephews distracted so that you could make dinner. You all eat in the living room, watching a movie that's more so for the boys, while MJ keeps herself entertained in her bouncer. When you all have finished, Terushima takes the dishes and even washes them before planting himself right next to you on the couch.

You notice that MJ is starting to get sleepy, she keeps rubbing her eyes and her bouncing is beginning to slow down. You grab her out of the bouncer, rocking her softly until she falls asleep. You're so glad that she doesn't fight sleep like her brothers did. You start to feel tired yourself, your eyelids feeling heavy, and Terushima seems to notice because he wraps his arm around you, pulling you into him.

You don't even fight it, his body heat pulling you further into sleep. As you're drifting off, you feel someone moving your arm, and you look down to see your nephews laying on either side of you and Terushima, laying down in your laps. You smile fondly as you rub his back before laying your head down on Terushima's shoulder. And before you fully fall asleep, you feel him kiss your forehead.

When Autumn uses her key to get into your place, she doesn't expect to see all of you asleep on the couch along with a questionable guy, but she can't help but smile as she pulls out her phone to take a picture. Once she's got them, she flicks your forehead. Your face scrunches up before you're blinking sleepily. "Oh, hey, you're back," you say, your voice filled with sleep. "Took you long enough."

She laughs quietly as she grabs MJ. "I know, I'm sorry," she whispers. "The twins weren't too much trouble, were they?" she asks, rocking her daughter back to sleep when she stirs.

"Then they usually are? No, not this time." You both exchange a soft chuckle before you carefully remove yourself out of Terushima's grip, not wanting to wake him, and you freeze when he shifts, but he just rolls his head to face the other way.

You help Autumn load her kids in the car, all of them still fast asleep. "I think they've only been asleep for about thirty minutes," you guestimate and she nods, but you know she wants to talk to you about the massive elephant in the room. You sigh. "Go ahead. Let it out."

"What the hell is he doing here? And in your apartment of all places?" You can hear a faint sound of disappointment in her voice considering the fact that you told her what he did to you and what led to your breakup.

You throw your hands up as you shrug. "I don't know. I didn't even know he was here. I found out when he caught me after I fell off my ladder." Her eyes go wide, and you wave her off before she can yell at you. "I didn't know he would be coming over here today either," you admit, and you sigh as you shove your hands into your jacket pockets.

"I just don't want you to get hurt again," she says, and you nod. "You've got nearly four years unaccounted for." You nod again, understanding what she's saying.

"I know, I know, but I don't know. He seems different now," you explain lamely, and you hear her sigh before you raise your head to meet hers.

"I know you don't want to hear a lecture from me, but be careful Via," she warns, and you nod firmly before moving in to give her a hug. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Text me when you get home," you tell her when you pull away. You watch her get in the car and drive off. You sigh again, watching the puff of air disappear into the chilly, night air before you make your way back to your apartment. You smile softly when you see that Terushima is still in the same position you left him in.

You take off your jacket, warming your hands up as you walk over to him. "Teru," you whisper, and when he doesn't respond, you tap him lightly. "Teru," you repeat, and you jump slightly when he grabs your wrist quickly, and he peels his eyes open.

"Your hands are freezing." You chuckle lightly as you see him look around. "The kids are gone?" he asks, rubbing his eyes with his palm.

"Yeah, my sister came and got them." He hums before he starts smiling widely, and your eyebrows come together as you look at him. "What are you smiling about?"

"You called me Teru." You feel your face heat up for the millionth time, and you scoff softly as you move to turn away, but he stops you, grabbing your wrist and pulling you towards him. He starts to stretch out on the couch, but you don't move, and he pulls you down with a little more force. "Lay with me," he murmurs, his body starting to drift off.

"You need to go home," you tell him, the nickname on the tip of your tongue, but you bite it back. He whines before pulling you down, making you fall onto him, and he traps you with his arms.

"I'll go home when I'm not tired." You chuckle again, situating yourself so that you're comfortable, and you notice that he's staring at you.

"What?" you ask, fighting the urge to shrink under his gaze. He brushes a strand of hair from your face before he rubs your cheek softly with his thumb, and you lean into the touch.

"You're just so beautiful," he whispers, and you huff as you look away, even your ears heating up at the compliment. "Hey." He turns your face so that you're looking at him again. "Can I kiss you?" There's something in your head that's telling you that you're already too deep and that doing this is a really bad idea, but it doesn't win.

You both lean in, and when your lips meet, you feel like you're back in high school, kissing him for the first time all over again. Tingles are sent all through your body as you sigh contently, and you feel yourself falling in love with him all over again. You know this is bad, but you can't bring yourself to care, blaming it on your fatigue.

He pulls away, a sleepy smirk on his face as he pulls you closer to him, your face buried in his neck. "Man, I've missed you so much." You feel your heart flutter at his words, and you're scared to respond with the same thing even though it's clear as day, but the soft snores filling your ears tell you that you don't have to worry about response right now.

Things seemed to do a complete one-eighty after that night. You thought when you would've woken up the next day, things would've been awkward, but to your surprise, you found yourself alone on the couch, and the smell of breakfast food filling your nose. He had made you breakfast, then sent you off to work with a kiss goodbye and a promise to call you later, which you wish you've would've let out when you were telling everything to Kiya.

"So, you guys are dating now?" she asks as she pours a cup of coffee for a customer.

"I don't know, I wouldn't call it that?" you say, unsure of where you both really stand right now. You serve two more plates to a table, and Kiya continues the conversation when you come back.

"But you guys have kissed?" she argues, and you respond with a shrug. "I don't know, from what you've told me, it seems like you two are back together."

"You don't sound very enthusiastic about it," you notice, and she replies with a pout as she tilts her head and you sigh. "Look, I know how things left off between us, but we'll talk about it," you try, and she holds her hands up.

"I'm not trying to tell you who to date or what to do. I just want you to be careful." You nod quickly at the repeat of words, and you really appreciate how much Kiya and Autumn care for you, and you smile as you nudge her.

"I know, thanks for looking out for me," you tell her, and she gives you a smile.

"Of course, that's what I'm here for."

Naturally, things are very prone to blow up in your face, and the blow-up happens about three weeks later. Everything with Terushima has been going pretty smoothly, both of you agreeing to talk about how things were left those years ago. He had been spending a lot more time over at your place, even more than you were spending at his. He'd been helping you babysit whenever your sister had to drop them off. It was like he had inched his way back into your life and planted himself there.

You decided to surprise him and make some of the burgers that he loved the first he came over. You can't help but bound happily to his apartment, the burgers in a plastic container, warm in your hands, and you finally get to his apartment, but just as you're about to knock, you hear laughing. Your hand stops midway as you lean in to put your ear against the door, careful not to alert anyone inside.

You assume it was the TV, but as you listen closely, you can hear Terushima's voice, but you feel your heart shatters when you hear a woman's voice coming from inside. You feel the tears forming in your eyes as you take in more of the conversation before you hear them erupt into laughter.

You finally find it in you to move, slamming the container on the ground before hurrying away from the door, your vision blurry from the tears. You were so stupid, so pathetic. You were so easy, that you fell for it. Again. And you thought that he had changed. You were dumb enough to think that things would be different this time around.

~

You don't tell anyone what happened, and you don't talk to Terushima. You don't even tell him what you heard, you just stop talking to him. It's not like you had time anyway. You and Kiya were hosting a Christmas party are your shop (her idea, not yours) and you barely had any time to really sit down and breathe. You both spent all day making the food, that you barely had time to sit down.

You luckily had enough time to run home and get in the shower to get ready. You came back just in time for the party to be in full swing, both you and Kiya's families here along with some friends. You've greeted everyone, and now you're just standing around, enjoying the atmosphere around you, while at the same time feeling a little bit insecure about the dress that Kiya made you wear.

It's a red sweater dress that's off the shoulder, but it hugs your body, stopping very close to the bottom of your ass with thigh-high boots. Why she had you wear this, you have no idea, but you decide that you're going to go change when she's preoccupied. "Via." You turn around, your heart dropping at the sight of him in front of you, and you hate how good he looks right now.

He walks closer to you, and his scent fills your nostrils, the way he fills out his suit should be illegal. "You look, wow," he says, shaking his head at a loss for words.

"Ridiculous, I know," you say, pulling at the hem of your dress and he scoffs.

"Gorgeous." You want to accept the compliment, but just looking at him makes you angry and upset at the same time. You mumble a soft thanks, and you're trying to find an excuse to get out of this conversation when he speaks up again. "You haven't been answering my texts or my calls," he starts, and you look away from him as you find an answer.

"Terushima, listen--"

"Via?" You turn your head towards the soft voice, and your eyes widen at the man walking towards you. He gives you a hug, and you reluctantly hug him back, disarray raging inside of your head.

"Kaleb! What are you doing here?" you ask incredulously, and he gives you a quick look of confusion before it's replaced with a smile.

"You invited me?" You raise your eyebrows. You did not invite this man to this party. You didn't even invite Terushima, and they coincidentally show up here? You internally roll your eyes. Kiya.

"I did, didn't I?" you lie. "Right, I'm sorry, I forgot, I've just been so busy." You haven't spoken to Kaleb in about a month. He was the recent guy you were seeing, and he was alright, but he really wasn't your type. You didn't even have his number saved in your phone. You sense even more tension in the air as Terushima and Kaleb stare each other down, and you definitely need way more alcohol.

"Terushima this is Kaleb. Kaleb this is Terushima." They both shake each other's hand, but the tension only seems to get thicker, and you feel like you're suffocating in it.

"If you guys would excuse me for a minute. I'm just going to check on the food," you rush out, not waiting for a response before darting off to find the culprit. When you spot her, you yank her to the side, and if looks could kill she'd drop dead on the spot. "You invited them both here?!" you yell, making sure to keep your voice lower than the music.

"Both? Who are you talking about?" You rub your forehead, feeling the stress really starting to hit you. This was the last thing you expected and you really don't need this right now.

"You invited Terushima and the guy that I ghosted a while ago." You sigh heavily, rubbing the back of your neck as her eyes go wide.

"Oh, shit. I did accidentally text a wrong number by accident, but I thought it was nothing." You give her a tired look, and she tilts her head in confusion. "I mean, it's gonna be okay, but you sound even more frustrated."

You sigh again. This really isn't the place to tell her, but you were going to tell her eventually. "I heard a woman's voice when I went to Terushima's apartment a couple of days ago."

"What?!" she nearly screams, her eyes wide before she slaps a hand over her mouth, realizing how loud she was. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. Because there was just a lot going on, and I didn't want to be sad during the holidays or ruin yours, but that plan has failed miserably." You laugh bitterly, feeling completely drained.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Via. I didn't know." She reaches up to rub your arm as you shake your head.

"No, it's okay. You didn't know." You close your eyes as you take a deep breath, regrouping yourself. "It's okay. We'll worry about it later, 'kay?" You don't let her answer as you walk off, ignoring her calls of your name.

You linger around the party, hoping you don't run into Terushima, but your eyes land on him talking to your mom like they've been friends for years, and it feels like someone ripped your heart out of your chest. How could he just go about his life knowing that he was playing you? Just like he did before.

"Via?" A soft voice and soft hand shift your attention to Kaleb who's come up next to you, and you smile despite the fact that you feel like complete shit and that you're tired. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.

"Hi, Kaleb, what's up?" you ask, and he hands you a drink which you gratefully take, almost downing the whole thing in front of him.

"It's just, um, you're standing somewhere pretty cool." You look at him in confusion before you glance up, seeing mistletoe hanging from the ceiling. Kiya must've put this in last minute. You feel your stress building up as you look at him, chuckling softly.

"I guess I am." You know he's going to kiss you, and you've never been so conflicted in your entire life. You don't really want to, but you want to, secretly hoping that Terushima's watching so that he can feel how you're feeling right now. But at the same time, you just wanna go home and cry yourself to sleep.

You've been quiet, your thought preventing you from answering, and you feel his lips on yours, and you feel your body sag slightly at the fact that you don't feel a spark from kissing him unlike when you kiss Terushima. When you pull away, you just happen to look to your right to see a very pissed off Terushima.

You see him shake his head before heading out of the door, and you hand your drink to Kaleb. "I'm sorry, I have to do something, I'll be right back." You rush to the door, disregarding your jacket as you follow Terushima out. "You got a problem or something?" you ask angrily, and he stops in his tracks, his back facing you for a few seconds before he turns around.

"Yeah, I do. You're over here leading me on while you're kissing other guys." You scoff at his accusation.

"Oh, like you're not doing the same thing," you spit back, and he raises his eyebrows at you.

"Excuse me? I haven't been seeing anyone else besides you, but you obviously have other plans."

"You know you have some real balls to accuse me of leading you on when that's all you did the entire time we were dating." He goes to speak, but you cut him off. "No! You entertained girls all the time, sometimes right in front of me. How you reacted to them is not how you're supposed to react when you have a girlfriend. Do you know how pathetic I felt?!" The tears are spilling, and you don't have any more will to stop them.

"I felt so stupid. You made me feel so...ugly." You see his face soften, but you don't wanna hear what he has to say. "And you're accusing me when you had a girl in your apartment a couple of days ago." His eyes widen at that, and he stops his trek towards you.

"What are you talking about?" You scoff as you throw your hands up. You'll have to spell this one out for him too.

"I went to your apartment to give you the burgers that you wanted, but when I went to knock on the door, I heard your voice laughing with another woman's voice." You see his face drop in realization, and he starts to wave his hands. "Did you both enjoy my burgers?" you ask, your voice cracking as more tears fall down your face.

Terushima recalls hearing something fall outside of his door, and when he opened it, he saw the burgers, but he didn't think anything of it. He should've been more aware. How could he be so stupid?

"Wait, Via, baby, that wasn't what it looked like, I swear--"

You chuckle bitterly. "You expect me to believe that?! Because that was the same shit you told me four years ago!" You're past done. You're exhausted. "Fuck you, Yuuji Terushima for being the same piece of shit guy you were four years ago! And for breaking my heart again." Your voice breaks when you say again, and Terushima feels his heart breaking into a million pieces. "I never want to see your face again."

You turn around quickly making your way back into your shop while Terushima stands there frozen, letting you walk out of his life once again. The words you just spoke to him the exact same words you said back then. He feels the tears on his face before he registers them. How could this happen? How did it all go so wrong so fast?

You walk back into the party, thankful that you didn't put mascara on as you wipe your face off, and Kiya walks up to you. "Girlfriend, are you okay?!" she asks you, concern etched all over her face as she pulls you to the side.

"No, I'm not," you tell her honestly. "But, this is a party, and we're supposed to have fun. So, that's what I'm going to do." For what seems like the tenth time tonight, you walk off without waiting for a response.

After everyone left the party, that's when you decided to get yourself drunk. You usually don't drink this much, but you couldn't bring yourself to think about anything else. Kiya takes you home, and she stays with you as you scream, cry, rant until you finally crash on your bed due to a mix of the alcohol and your emotions being all over the place.

She sighs worriedly at your figure, and sits next to you on the bed, brushing her hand over your head before your face which is stained with tear tracks. Your phone on your nightstand rings and Kiya picks it up, seeing that it's Terushima and she rolls her eyes before hitting the decline button. She sees that he's called you non-stop through the night, and she scoffs again. She's pretty sure she could get away with murder.

When the phone rings for the fourth time, Kiya angrily picks it up. "Via, baby, I am so sorry, please listen to me, it was just a misunderstanding--"

"Olivia can't come to the phone right now," Kiya cuts him off curtly. "She's passed out because a fucking piece of shit decided to walk back in her life and break her heart the same fucking way he did four years ago," she spits, and she hears him sigh heavily before he sniffles.

"Kiya, you gotta let me explain, please let me explain." He sounds completely wrecked, Kiya can barely understand what he's saying.

"I don't think so, Terushima. You barely deserved a second chance, and you definitely don't deserve a third. Goodbye."

"Wait, wait, wait! Please! Please let me explain!" He's practically yelling in her ear, and she knows that if she hangs up on him he'll just keep calling. But she's also never heard him like this before.

"Fine. You have five minutes."

It's been roughly a week since one of the lowest moments of your life, and you're not entirely healed, but you definitely feel better, and you swore off getting that drunk ever again due to the awful headache you had when you woke up the next morning. Right now, you were hanging with Kiya, which she fully insisted for whatever reason, and you assume it's just because she wanted to spend time with you before the new year.

"He proposed?!" you yell as you practically throw yourself off the couch. Kiya laughs as she nods. "What? Show me the ring!" you demand, and she holds her hand out which you quickly take into yours to examine her finger. "Woah, that is expensive," you comment as your eyes go wide.

She pulls her hand back as she agrees before looking at it again, her eyes full of love and happiness. You can't help the ping of jealously that stabs at your heart, but you push it away, replacing it with the happiness for your best friend. "So, I'm obviously going to be the maid of honor," you say matter-of-factly, and she laughs as she rolls her eyes.

"Of course you are. There's no one else I would want it to be." You both talk for a couple more hours, and you look at the clock on your phone.

"I should probably go. I don't want to implode on the newly engaged couple. He's going to be home soon, right?" you ask, standing and stretching.

"Yeah, but it's okay, you can stay. We won't mind." You shake your head as you start to gather your things.

"It's okay. I've got a bunch of takeout and some wine calling my name at home." You slip on your coat and your boots. That's mostly the reason why. The other reason why is that you really don't want to see any happy couples right now. That's just putting salt in a wound that's slowly healing. "Congratulations again, Kiya. I'll text you when I get home." She nods while walking you to the door, and she watches you walk to your car and drive off before closing the door.

You yawn loudly when you get home, kicking your boots off and throwing your jacket onto the couch. You decide that you're going to take a nap first, and then you'll eat, and as you walk to your room, you feel something under your feet. At first, you thought it was something weird on your sock, but when you keep feeling it, you look down to see rose petals?

You turn back to the door. You had locked the door when you left, and you just unlocked the door when you came home, so...

"Hello?" you call out into the quiet apartment, but you receive no response, and you follow the trail of rose petals, assuming that this is possibly the way that you're going to go out. The trail stops at your door, and you slide the door open, gasping when you see what's inside.

The lights are off, the only light being provided is from the vanilla-scented candles all over the room. There are rose petals all over the place, and there are vases of your favorite flowers spread out across the room, and standing in the middle of it is Terushima.

He's facing you, wringing his hands together nervously as he watches you take in the new changes made. "What is all this?" you ask in disbelief, and he steps forward before he speaks.

"An apology. I mean, I don't really think I can make up for the pain that I've caused you, but there's been a huge misunderstanding." You sigh softly as you look away.

"Terushima..." you start, and he startles you when he falls to his knees before grabbing your hands.

"Via, I'm begging you to let me explain. If you let me explain, then I'll be out of your hair. You won't hear from me ever again. And I know I don't deserve this, but please, please, let me explain." You only respond with a nod, mostly because of how he's acting right now. "For starters, I am so sorry for how I've made you feel. This year and four years ago. It was never my intention to make you cry or to break your heart, and I did both of those things, and so much more."

He takes a deep breath before speaking again. "Second, that girl in my apartment is not what you think," he tells you firmly making you roll your eyes, and he quickly starts speaking again. "I know, I know, but let me explain." He quickly pulls his phone out of his pocket like he's afraid that you're going to leave.

You watch as he brings up a conversation with a number before scrolling up to a certain part of the conversation, and he turns the phone to you. You hesitantly grab the phone, looking at him before bringing your eyes to look at the phone. You scroll through the messages, the messages themselves not outright telling you that he was seeing another girl.

One of them says 'it'll be ready in a couple of days,' another one says that 'you can meet me at my place.' That one's from Terushima. You hand him back the phone, not convinced at all. "You told her she could meet you at your place."

"And I should've realized how that would've looked. I was stupid, I wasn't thinking, and I'm sorry." You gesture to the phone.

"What was supposed to be ready?" you ask, your voice full of disinterest, and he quickly pockets the phone before reaching into his front pocket. Your eyes widen when he pulls out a box small enough for a ring, and he grabs your hand before you have the chance to move.

He opens it to reveal a small, simple ring with your birthstone in it. "Terushima..." you trail off, and he shakes his head.

"It's not what it looks like. It's a promise ring." A soft, surprised expression comes over your face. "It's a promise to you that I'm going to be better. Everyone knows that I don't deserve you, but this is a promise to you that I'm going to become the man that you deserve." Now you feel the tears coming, and he keeps going.

"It's a promise that I'm never going to hurt you again." He stands up quickly, your head now lifting upward to look him in the eyes. "Olivia, you mean the world to me. There's no else but you, there hasn't been, and there never will be." He takes the ring out of the box, setting the box on your dresser.

"I love you so much that it hurts. You're all I ever think about as soon as I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. Please, give me another chance. I promise I won't make you regret it." The tears are falling more frequently, and you wipe them away.

"How do I know you're not lying?" you ask quietly, trying to keep your weak resolve up. He steps closer to you.

"You know that I'm not lying," he tells you confidently, his gaze never wavering from yours, and you sigh knowing that he's right. He's one of the worst liars you've ever met, having tells for days. And none of them are showing. You're still fighting it in your head, looking down away from him, and he tilts it back up by your chin.

"Please. I will never make you feel that way ever again. I promise." He tells you firmly, his voice solid. Terushima feels like his heart explodes when you nod your head. He slides the ring onto your finger before wiping the tears from your eyes. He's so happy he could cry. He plants his lips on yours quickly, wrapping his arms around you, pulling him into him.

"Please, let me show you," he pleads after he pulls away, holding your face in his hands.

"Okay." That's all he needs before he's picking you up, your legs wrapped around his waist as he carries you to the bed, and he never breaks the kiss as you land on your back. He moves you further up on the bed before moving his lips to your neck, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses on your skin.

Your hands move to his hair as you feel him biting marks into your skin, and you know that you're going to look like a freaking leopard tomorrow. He pulls your shirt off, throwing it somewhere off to the side, your bra soon following, and he doesn't waste any time attacking your breasts, one hand stimulating one while his mouth is on the other.

He pulls your hardened nipples between his teeth and his fingers at the same time, making your back arch off the bed at the different feelings. After marking up one breast, he moves to the other, doing the same thing before he starts to kiss down your abdomen.

He looks up at you when he reaches the waistband of your sweatpants, and you nod quickly as he groans seeing how your pupils are blown with lust. He quickly gets rid of your sweats, groaning again when he sees the growing wet spot across your crotch.

He licks a broad stripe up your covered cunt, both of you moaning simultaneously as you squeeze his head with your thighs. He makes quick work of your panties, almost ripping them with how eager he is to taste you. He digs his fingers into your thighs, almost entranced by your naked sex, and he teases you a bit more by marking up your thighs, whining when he pulls the skin between his teeth.

"Yuuji, stop teasing," you whine, and he smiles wickedly before he spreads your legs.

"I gotcha, pretty girl," he coos before licking another stripe through your folds, the action so sudden that it makes you jump slightly. His hands press your legs into the mattress as he eats you out like you're his last meal. "You taste so fucking good," he moans, the vibrations only elevating the feeling, and the taste of you on his tongue and the sounds you're making are like heaven, and he's close to blowing his load that he has to force himself to hold back.

He moves up to your clit, running circles over it with his tongue before sucking it into his mouth, making the grip on his hair tightening just shy of painful. He prods a finger at your hole before slowly inching his way in, and he ruts against the bed to find some release. You already feel so good on his finger, so he can only imagine what you'll feel like when you take his dick.

He slides another finger in while continuing to use his mouth on your clit, stretching you out before sliding in a third. He curls his fingers, hitting that spot inside of you with ease, making you release a loud moan. "Teru," you gasp, and he smirks against you.

"You close, baby?" he prods, already knowing the answer. He keeps curling his fingers, the squelching sounds almost overpowering your moans, and he feels you pulling at his hair, this time painful, but he can't bring himself to care as he licks up your clit making sure his piercing strikes it.

You cum with a scream, and he moans when you clench on his fingers, but he keeps going, his fingers seeming to go deeper inside of you, and a weird feeling sits in your core, and you try to push him away, but he keeps going until you feel another release.

"Fuck. Holy shit, babe." You come down from your high, gasping for air as you watch him come up with your juices all over his face while he sucks his fingers clean. "You just squirted." You move to cover your face with your hands but he stops you. "Don't be ashamed. That was really hot," he admits, licking around his mouth to get some more.

He kisses you hungrily, and you moan as you taste yourself on his tongue and when his piercing knocks against your teeth. He hisses and breaks the kiss when you palm his straining erection through his jeans. "Do you want me to return the favor?" you ask, still breathless from your previous orgasm, and he lightly brushes your hand away as he shakes his head.

"Later, right now is all about you," he tells you, and you wrap your arms around his neck to pull him close to you.

"Then I want you to fuck me," you whisper against his lips, and he groans before making quick work of his shirt and his jeans. You can see a huge wet spot in the front of his briefs, and he gets rid of them quickly, his dick smacking his abdomen once it's free.

He stands at the edge of the bed, lazily stroking himself, and you feel your mouth go dry at how beautiful he is, so you tell him, and he responds with a soft chuckle, but you can see his face deepen with a blush at the compliment. "Nah, that's all you, baby girl." He smirks when he sees your eyes widening once they land on the pair of metal balls at the head of his length. "You like it?" he quips, and you just gulp, your eyes having a hard time looking away from the angry red tip dripping with pre.

His eyes drag down your figure, making you hot all over and he moves onto the bed, hovering himself over you. "You're so gorgeous. The prettiest woman I've ever met." You don't have time to feel flustered by his words because he leans down to kiss you, this one different from the previous ones.

This one is softer and filled with love, but still has the same amount of passion and hunger. "I have a condom," he tells you when he pulls away, and you shake your head.

"I wanna feel you," you tell him, lust dripping in your words, and he bites back a moan as he gives you one last kiss before guiding his dick towards your leaking hole. He pumps himself a few more times before sliding in, and you can't help the whine that falls from your lips.

It's been so long since you've felt him inside of you. And it's an addicting feeling you didn't even know you were missing until now. "Fuck, you are so tight. Shit." He bottoms out, stretching you in the best possible way, and he rests his head against yours.

"Move, Yuuji," you urge, and he nods while he pants.

"I know, baby, I know, give me a second. Fuck." He takes a few more deep breaths, and when he's sure that he's not going to bust just from how warm you feel, he backs up until only the tip is inside and he rams back into you, making the bed knock against the wall.

You cry out, your arms wrapping around his neck again as he repeatedly slams back into you, the feeling of the piercing rubbing against your walls foreign, but it feels so good. He keeps shifting his hips until he finds that spongy spot inside of you, and he grips the headboard, using it as leverage to piston that spot, and you feel like you're going to explode with pleasure.

You rake your nails down his back, and he feels it hit every nerve ending all over his body, and his hips falter just a tad when you clench around him. "Fuck, baby, touch yourself for me, please touch yourself," he spills out, knowing he's not going to last much longer.

You bring your hand down to roll hard circles on your bud, clenching at the sudden stimulation, and Terushima shudders. "Feels so good, Yuuji," you moan out, and he can't help but reciprocate it as his face scrunches up in pleasure.

"You feel too good, baby, oh my God." You can sense that he's close, so you clench around him again, and that's what send him over the edge, letting out a shout of your name as his hot seed shoots into you.

He doesn't stop moving though. He brings one hand down to your shoulder and fucks into you harder than he had before. He whines at the overstimulation, but he's determined to get you there. "Cum for me, baby, cum for me."

With one last hard thrust, you cum hard, back arching off the bed as you scream his name while Terushima moans at you coming undone under him. Your back meets the bed again, and Terushima rests his head on your forehead as you both catch your breath.

He pulls out of you slowly, wincing at the overwhelming feeling of pleasure mixing with pain before he gets up and makes his way to the bathroom the best he can on shaky legs. You feel yourself starting to drift off, and you jump when you feel something warm at your core.

"Sorry, I gotta clean you up," he tells you softly, wiping the mix of your juices away before putting the rag in the sink in the bathroom. He comes back, pulling the blankets down and getting in before pulling you into his chest. "I love you so much, Olivia. And I am so sorry. I won't make you regret giving me another chance."

You look up at him with a sleepy smile and sleepy eyes before sitting up to kiss him. "I love you too, and I forgive you, maybe," you joke, and you giggle when he pinches your side.

The rhythm of his heartbeat and the finger dragging up and down your arm lulls you to sleep fast, and the last thing you remember is hearing "goodnight."

~

Terushima wakes up before you, the sunlight bleeding in through the blinds and into his eyes. He takes a deep breath in and looks around, thankful that he remembered to blow out the candles before he went to sleep. He looks down to see you still sleeping peacefully, and he feels his heart do a somersault. He finally has you and he going to make sure that you don't leave. Not again.

He never realized what he was taking for granted until you broke up. He had slept with a few other girls, but they weren't you. All he could think about was you. He even got kicked out of a girl's place naked because he accidentally called her by your name. He pulls you closer to him, and you stir slightly, moving your head so that it's angled more towards his.

He thinks you look ethereal. The way the sunlight makes your brown skin glow almost makes him melt. He runs a finger down your sleeping face lightly before brushing the hair out of your face. "I'm sorry for being so stupid," he starts even know he knows you can't hear him. "I didn't realize what I had lost until it was too late. I wish I could go back in time so I could fix it or beat myself up, one or the other," he jokes laughing softly. "Probably both."

He rubs your back softly. "I don't even know if I have enough words to describe how much you mean to me. I should've never entertained those girls, like I said I was an absolute idiot, and to be honest, I didn't think you would've given me a second chance. I would've understood if you didn't." He holds you a little tighter. "But I'm glad that you did. I love you, and I'm going to keep saying it until you get tired of it, but I want you to know that. I want you to know that it's true and that I seriously mean it."

He takes a deep breath. "After the Christmas party, I cried so hard I almost threw up." He laughs bitterly, he doesn't really know why he's saying this, but he feels like he should get it off his chest. "That night it felt like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on multiple times. I only have myself to blame though. And I figured that must've been what you felt like because of me, and that happened to you twice.

"I was almost in hysterics. I kept calling your phone, but you never answered, and when I was about to give up, Kiya picked up the phone." He laughs again." And she almost hung up on me until I explained to her everything that happened and the huge misunderstanding that caused all of this. She held me put this whole plan together actually. She got you out of your apartment so I could do all of this."

He looks down at you again, giving you a kiss on your forehead. "I hope you stay with me forever. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You really are sappy in the morning." Your groggy voice makes him jump, and you smile as you struggle to hold back your laugh, peeling your eyes open to reveal a very red Terushima.

"You were awake?!" he asks, and you laugh fully as you nod. "You heard everything?!"

You nod again. "I did, I'm sorry. I thought you were talking in your sleep, but I realized it was too coherent for it to be sleep talk." You sit up, resting your hand on his chest and putting your chin on top. "Did you mean everything you said?"

He responds quickly. "Every word." You fight back tears as he pulls you in for another kiss, his hand resting on the back of your head softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Yuuji Terushima."

EPILOGUE:

"Teru, you're not taking me to the woods to kill me, are you?" you ask, looking around blindly due to the blindfold wrapped around your eyes. You hear him laugh as you feel him take another turn.

"No, I'll do that for our next anniversary." You laugh as you try to figure out where you are. Terushima had woken you up saying that he was going to show you your anniversary present, but then he blindfolded you and led you to the car. "Stop trying to figure out where we are with your weird powers!" he yells at you, and you nudge at him while playing with your necklace that he got for you after you both made up. It has his name on it, and he bought a matching chain with your name on it.

"It's not my fault I know this city like the back of my hand." You feel him take another turn, and you close your eyes as you try to narrow it down. "Are we in a subdivision?" You smirk when you hear him groan, knowing you guessed right.

"Can you please stop? You'll ruin the surprise."

"It's hard to focus on anything else," you admit, and you quickly go quiet when you feel his hand rubbing up and down your thigh.

"It is hard now?" he asks you, lowly, and you feel your core clench at his words and his actions. Now you can't focus on anything but his hand, but you're abruptly pulled from his actions when you feel the car stop. You hear him turn the car off and you hear his door open and close while you take your seatbelt off.

Your door opens, and he's guiding you out of the car. "You ready?"

You jump excitedly in impatience. "Yes, yes, hurry up!" He peels off the blindfold, and you blink a few times, letting your eyes adjust to the light before they focus on a two-story house. "A house?" You feel something cold touch your hand, and you look down to see a pair of keys in your hand.

"Our house." Your eyes go wide as you snap your head up to look at Terushima before looking back at the house. "Happy anniversary, baby."

"Are you fucking serious?!" you say, jumping into his arms, almost taking him out before you run towards the door, unlocking it as fast you can. Terushima smiles at you fondly as he follows you around the house as you tour it.

"This bedroom's kinda small though," he comments, looking around, and you step in the room, spinning around as you look at the room before stopping to face Terushima.

"I don't know. I think it's the perfect room for a nursery," you admit, and you see him shrug as he looks around again before the words dawn on him. He almost breaks his neck to look at you, and you smile widely as you nod.

"You're fucking serious?! I'm gonna be a dad?!" He runs to you, picking you and spinning you around. You both laugh loudly before he sets you down, pulling you into a loving kiss that leaves you breathless.

"Happy anniversary, Yuuji."

A/N: If you stayed this long thank you for reading, but if you didn’t, I don’t blame you LMAO

[transsscorpius]

"hi danny i would love to hear if you had any thoughts or headcannons abt Astoria or perhaps even Astoria and Scorpius ones?? idk i just love hearing people’s interpretations of her 🤗💕"

@grey-edges your ask got deleted somehow and i had to rewrite this i'm so sorry for the late reply but anyway. Thank you for this ask! I have Astoria headcanons i just never got the energy to write them so here is my personal interpretation of her 🥰💕

• Ok this is probably vastly different than other interpretations of Astoria i've seen, but i think she's into like pop rock/metal/grunge type of music and her her aesthetic in dressing sometimes reflects that. Sometimes her wardrobe is floral dresses and bright colors. There is no in between

• Like if you saw her in the back of the classroom with headphones on smiling softly while scribbling something down and asked her what she was listening to and it's just. Literal screaming and depressive lyrics. What the fuck

• I think she's the black sheep of the family, her family is in a 'purebloods are better' mindset and has a rocky relationship with them (her and Daphne eventually develop a better relationship with each other) so i see her sort of straying away from them slowly during her time at school

• Also family dynamics and internalized bigotry is not as easy to just throw away as jkr writes it to be and she takes time to listen and educate herself for a while to break free from that

• She's bi oriented aroace or bi ace or something along those lines but definitely aspec

• My Astoria is in ravenclaw! I am fine with other house hcs as well, i just want her to see Luna more often and have her influence in her life. Also eventually Ginny too, they'd definitely get along. Astoria+Ginny+Luna is where my mind is always

• She wears a bunch of rings on every finger and so does Draco when he starts hanging out with her after Hogwarts. Whores

• Ok but seriously, if we're going in the drastoria route, she's the one who gets him to open up bc Draco is so repressed in many ways and she's visibly free and has those 'who gives a fuck' vibes, so he feels more okay in experimenting with gender expression and whatever else when he's with her

• I made a post once that Draco and her were in a qpr and now i can't think of them in any other way sjsjjsjs like i used to genuinely ship them romantically but now i can't think of them as anything other than having qp thing going on

• Draco is also some sort of ace. Maybe demi

• Speaking of, they would tell Scorpius about them being qp and answer all his questions about that, so when Scorpius gets rejected by Rose, he doesn't try to persist on her to go out with him (what canon? idk her) and might enlighten Rose on the fact that she might be aspec after a few comments from her saying she doesn't see really herself with anybody that way. Scorose friendship basically <3

• Scorpius has Astoria's smile. I don't know how to explain it properly but i feel like it's important to know. They have the same smile :)

• The older Malfoys hated her and probably tried to sabotage her thing with Draco so she convinced Draco to sell the manor (it became his property but i seriously don't know how this stuff works so don't call me out skksksks) and Lucius nearly had a heart attack. They spent all that money on charities and on homeless people they found on the streets

• If we're going outside of canon... Ginstoria is a very very nice concept to me. I'm sort of obsessed with the ship

• Back to just Astoria, she was a bit shy, but if anyone was being cruel, she would absolutely deck them on sight

• She was part of the DA, Harry just never noticed her idk

• She's the type of person to cut her own hair. It's always a bit choppy bc she did it herself but she likes it like that so it works for her

• She has the weirdest shit in her bag. There's regular school stuff but then there's also a bottle of clay she found (she likes to make clay figures), a pair of scissors, a sharp dagger??? some pins for her hair, eyeliner, interesting looking potion vials. People walking with her to class are always really weirded out when she start pulling them out to find a book or something. Luna is never weirded out, she understands

• Luna Ginny Astoria sleepover. Pls think about it

Yeah idk haha i just like thinking about her as strange and optimistic and someone who wants to be happy so she makes sure that she is and no one can bully that away from her <3

[wienerbarnes]

Necessary Evil

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Cheek to Cheek)

Word Count: 1,816

Warnings: nothing crazy, typical canon violence type stuff, special character appearance👀

A/N: so sorry for not posting this like two days ago when i said i was going to🥴 ive had a ton going on and ive been a busy bee but hopefully ill get myself organized for next week :) question for yall! should i keep the friday posting schedule or do thursdays instead bc of fatws on fridays? lmk!

MAIN MASTERLIST | CHEEK TO CHEEK MASTERLIST

It’s been a confusing couple of weeks. You’ve been placed on a temporary leave while you finish your recovery after the last mission.

You’ve been trying to learn as much about your new powers as you can, not really understanding what they are or how they work considering that most of the time they’ve shown themselves it’s been accidental.

Making Bucky drop food, slamming doors shut, sending stuff flying across the room. At this point you’ll tape your hands at your sides if it means you’ll stop making such a mess everywhere.

Everything has been put on halt. You don’t cook, in fear of starting a fire or making a mess in your kitchen, you don’t spar with anyone or workout unless it’s in a closed off and sealed training room used for when the Hulk was at the tower, in fear of hurting people around you, and unfortunately, you haven’t let Bucky be around you much in fear of hurting him.

He tells you that you’re not going to hurt him and that even if you did he wouldn’t take it personally, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it. The two of you got into a heated argument a few days ago when he offered to let you use him as a practice dummy for your new powers.

“How dare you suggest something like that to me?!”

“Well, I just meant that -”

“Meant what? How would you feel if I asked you to slap me around like a ragdoll with your metal arm? Make you go Winter Soldier on me?”

“That’s not the same thing, and you know it.”

“Isn’t it though?”

It wasn’t pretty.

It also didn’t help that Bucky was sent on a solo mission recently. He couldn’t tell you much about it, and you didn’t push it, knowing the two of you were still a bit rocky with each other, and knowing that it would only put more stress on you constantly thinking about his mission.

Boy, did you miss him though. You’re glad you put aside your pride to hug and kiss him goodbye, taking in his warmth, his love, his smell, savoring his arms around you and his lips on yours before he left. With the way he held and kissed you, you think he felt the same.

That was two days ago. Alpine has been the one to keep you the most company. She’s gotten big, and it’s a lot more fun to play around with her now. You trail a feather attached to the end of a string around the ground while she tries to pounce after it. A knock at the door doesn’t even pull her attention away from the toy as you let her win and catch it, standing up from your sitting position on the floor.

You open it to reveal Sam in more casual clothes than his regular tactical pants and shirt, and you return the smile he gives you.

“You busy?” He asks.

You look over your shoulder to see Alpine still pawing at the feather on the ground.

“No, I’m not busy, what’s up?”

“Just wanted to hang out, we both got the day off, figured I’d show you the best danishes in New York.”

You’re not sure if Bucky put him up to this or if this is a way to keep you from going batshit being stuck in your room not being able to do anything, but you accept the offer anyway. It’ll be nice to get some air.

“Do you, uhm,” You begin, feeling a bit embarrassed.

“What’s up?” Sam asks, the guy from the VA coming out, encouraging you to tell him.

“Do you know if Bucky’s okay? I haven’t heard from him, is all.” You ask, slipping on some shoes and heading back out into the hallway with Sam.

“I mean, I’m sure he’s fine, why wouldn’t he be?”

“Just that I know these solo missions can be anywhere and he could be doing anything, but I still worry. I didn’t know if you knew where he was or anything.”

He doesn’t. He doesn’t know, because Bucky told him Steve asked him for a few favors and he needed some off time for a couple of days. He thought Bucky was in rural New York. There’s no mission. But he supposes he’s not supposed to tell you that.

“Yeah, I don’t know much about it. Fury’s probably the one behind it.” Fury’s in Florida for his niece’s sixth birthday. He doesn’t tell you that either.

Luckily you accept it and enter the elevator to leave the private floor and go to the common area, able to leave out the backway of the tower.

“Avenger in the building, Captain.”

Sam doesn’t understand. Avenger? Who’s even around anymore?

“Uh, huh? Bucky?”

“No, Captain.”

“Clint?”

“No.”

“Who’s here?”

“Underoos.”

Underoos? Where has he heard that? Isn’t that -

The elevator doors open to the common room, a teenage boy stands with his back towards the two of you. His head whips around in typical teenage fashion and your eyebrows shoot up, unaware that the Avengers recruited teenagers.

“Is that a fucking kid?”

“Peter?” Sam asks, clearly surprised at the boy being in front of him. He hasn’t seen him in years. He wasn’t even sure where he was all this time, assuming he was in school, with his Aunt, but now he’s here.

“Sam! And his lady... friend. How are you?!”

“The lady friend has a name.” You chirp.

“What are you doing here?”

You and Sam speak at the same time. Peter addresses you first, “And your name is…?”

“Uh, Agent 51.” You didn’t think that through.

“Weird name, but alright.”

“Peter.” Sam brings his attention back to his question.

“Who is this guy?” You ask, clearly lost on who this person is and how he’s an Avenger.

“This is Spider-Man.” Sam tells you nonchalantly.

“Uh- Sam?!” Peter exclaims.

“What, she works with us, now. She doesn’t have anyone to tell anyway.”

“Sam?!” You elbow him.

“Why are you here, Peter.” Sam asks again.

“Well, you know, I was in school, doing some stuff here and there for Hill and Fury, and I figured I’d stop by.” He smiles.

You and Sam stare in silent confusion.

“Okay, look. I feel… lost. Like I feel like I’ve come to terms with Tony dying and stuff, but, I don’t know...” Peter finally cuts to the point.

You know very little about Spider-Man. You definitely didn’t know he was a kid, but you also didn’t know that he had some sort of a close relationship with Tony Stark. You’re becoming more and more like Bucky everyday; not knowing who any of these people are, not remembering seemingly important events, hell, not even knowing have these things happened because you were under Hydra.

“Peter, we don’t -”

“I’m not asking for help. More so asking if you have anything for me to do, or something.” His smile falls. You’re definitely confused, but you feel for the guy. You remember feeling lost as a teenager, losing the people you looked up to. And that lost feeling landed you in the Marines and the Marines landed you with a terrorist organization. We should help him, you immediately think.

“I’m sorry, man.” Sam offers. He wants to help Peter, as annoying as he finds him. Being a teenager is hard, and being Spider-Man is harder. But, Sam can’t forget that he’s still a kid in school with only his aunt and a few friends around him. He doesn’t want to put a person like that in the immense danger they throw themselves into, even if he knows he can handle it.

“No worries, I’ll be on my way, then.” Peter nervously scratches at his eyebrow.

“Sure you don’t want to stick around here for a bit? I know the Avengers aren’t much of a thing anymore, but, you always got a room here; a place to stay.” Sam tells him, assuming Peter’s on the verge of having a sort of coming-of-age moment.

“No, no, I need to be with May. I’ll see if I can, uh, maybe stop by more often. Maybe. If that’s alright. Nice to meet you, uh, Miss 51!” He bids farewell before walking away awkwardly, leaving Sam with a sort of sullen look on his face and you still very confused.

“What was that whole thing about?” You finally break the silence as you two make your way towards the private garage elevators.

“I’ll tell you over danishes.”

Bucky plants his fist into the HYDRA soldier’s face for the sixth time, the sound of metal hitting flesh making a slushy sound with little clanks, signifying teeth hitting the floor.

“This is the last time I ask you before I kill you. Where is Bychkov, Morozov, and that fuck with metal arms?” He pants beneath the black mask and goggles, an outfit he hadn’t dawned in so long.

Your list is heavy in his pocket, he thinks about the names he’s already crossed off and few he has left. He’s not going to stop until he finds the handlers that captured you and the supposed soldier with metal arms that shot you, details you only mentioned to him once after a nightmare that he refused to ever forget.

“They… went back… to base… in Kiev. Just… north of it.” He struggles out.

One step closer. Bucky stands taller, letting the man slump on the ground, and he reaches for the knife at his thigh.

“Wait! I - I told you… where they went!”

“I was going to kill you whether you told me or not, you Nazi fuck.” Is all he says before he slashes the knife, ending the bastard’s life.

Leaving the man’s home, he rounds a corner into the night and replaces his knife, taking out a pen in one of his many pockets as well as your list.

He crosses off Antonov, looking down at the four remaining names, two of which were the men that did this to you.

He takes a breath, the layers of leather and kevlar straining over his muscles as he sighs. He never thought he’d be hunting people down like this, Nazi or not. He never thought he’d have this black mask and these goggles over his eyes. But he also never thought HYDRA would touch the love of his life the way they did; never thought they’d put you in that chair.

So, now, he’s only getting revenge. It’s the least he can do after this organization has stolen his life, kept him from seeing his family forever, took his arm, gave him PTSD, gave his girlfriend PTSD and injected her with who knows what only to put her in that goddamn chair.

While he never thought he’d be in this position, they asked for it, and he’s not sorry.

On to the next name.

[geekgemsspooksandtoons]

You’re Not An Awful Parent

This is basically a birthday gift I wanna write to my good friend/bro @pikablob 

I hope you don’t mind this. The title was tricky, originally it was Calm With You. But I just changed it...like, I just thought of the titles. And I’m in the Joheda tag right now making this. This is basically an expansion/remake of this Joheda bit I sent to you in a message...I felt like it was easier to use that as my inspiration. Including use some of my stuff I have wanted to write about.

I just really love these two characters a lot. To the point, I will admit, I do selfship myself with these two. But considering you started to ship these two and I was hesitant at first. Despite I originally thought about them before...I’m glad I started loving this ship. 

This likely takes place in my Cartoonverse. Or whatever you want to see it. Yet it will likely take place in that. I hope you love this, and I’m gonna try my best writing it. Because I like these two a lot. Here I go.

So I just finished it, and I saved it once as a draft in case. I changed the title from It’s Calming With You I think. I pressed too much crtl z that I erased the last sentence...I hope you folks like this. I really hope so.

Johanna had all sorts of weird feelings. It felt weird to her maybe because she hadn’t been like this in such a long time. She was a grown woman and...it felt awkward having these feelings...it was like when she was with the man who was her husband.

Her relationship with the man only lasted for a few years. But due to personal issues, he left her and their young daughter. Despite Johanna tried to act like it was fine, it did kind of hurt he left. At times he remembers his name, sometimes she forgets it. But she still recalls he had the same hair color as their daughter.

She felt like after that, she may not feel this way again...then Eda Clawthorne showed up in her apartment one day out of nowhere.

Despite a rocky start, and having Eda return what she had stolen from their apartment. She wasn’t a bad person. Yeah, Eda was wanted by the Emperor's Coven, but that was a whole other story. She was genuinely nice when she wasn’t being sassy or whatever else. Eda was mainly pleasant to talk to, despite how different they are. It was very nice to have an adult friend to talk to that didn’t look at her strange or possibly belittle her. 

There was also the fact that Eda’s relationship with Hilda was pretty great. At times, it seemed like Hilda enjoyed being with her more. And that made her sad...especially recently with how she thinks she’s being too controlling of Hilda going out on adventures...but that was another subject.

Johanna liked men, she always did. There was nothing wrong with that. But to her, trust was a very important thing. But...these feelings for Eda felt...so awkward...she felt like she was some shy teenage girl. And to make matters worse...Eda was indulging in it. Saying sweet stuff to her which would make her blush. 

Was it...a crush? It had to be, even though if this happened when she was a teenager. Her parents would’ve been upset with her. She never really considered this...feeling towards women. Maybe the aftermath of her husband leaving made her ignore wanting love. Sure, there were always some beautiful men out there. But she always focused on Hilda. To make sure she was safe. That’s what was more important to her.

But because of that...maybe Hilda was right? What if she was being too hard on her? What if she should’ve trusted her more? It was the events with the Black Hound and other things that seemed to have made her reconsider some things. Despite Trolberg was a very easy going place...she just grew paranoid and worried for her daughter. Especially after recent events with a break in once when Hilda had gone out with her friends.

It was night time at the apartment, and Eda wanted to visit them. She was disappointed when she learned Hilda was staying at Frida’s house. But she stayed behind and had some dinner with Johanna...

Johanna just really wanted to talk with Eda, about Hilda and her words. Maybe she would give out some good advice, and she just needed it from someone who has some experience in a way...despite her experience might be...stranger than hers or not.

The two ladies sat on the couch. The tv was on, it was a inoffensive channel Johanna decided to put on. Eda wasn’t really in on it, but she didn’t seem to mind. At that point, Johanna just put on the channel because it was mainly family related, something friendly, and possibly make be background noise.

During their time watching the tv, Eda put her left arm over Johanna’s shoulders. It made her blush, but Eda smiled seeing that. For a couple of minutes, she just wanted to talk to Eda soon, and now it was that time.

“Eda”.

“Yeah?” Eda asked.

“I...really want to talk about something important. It’s about Hilda.” Johanna told her.

“Oh, alright.” Eda was curious. What did they need to talk about? Was it about what Hilda had complained to her a while back? Johanna decided to turn down the volume of the tv with her remote, and she sat it back on the arm rest of the couch. After that, Eda took her arm off of Johanna’s shoulders and just put them behind the couch.

“Is everything alright with Hilda?” she asked her.

Johanna didn’t know how to answer that right away. She wanted to say everything was fine...but her recent interactions with her daughter bothered her. Such as the point of literally grounding her because of the Cauldon Island incident. She had to be honest, but she didn’t know the right words.

Eda just looked at her. She could tell Johanna was trying to find the right words to say. Johanna just had her arms in her lap, looking at the ground, and wondering what to say. But considering what Hilda told her before, Eda guessed what she might wanna talk about.

“Is it because she didn’t be honest with you recently?” Eda decided to just say it. Because it was likely the thing she wanted to speak about. But the moment she said that, Johanna’s eyes widened.

“Wait...she told you?” Johanna sounded surprised when she heard that.

“Well...yeah...we had a long talk about it.” Eda admitted to her. Hearing that shocked Johanna for some reason. While she could trust Eda, but it’s the fact Hilda talked to her first instead of herself. 

“She...went to you...instead of me?” Johanna putting her hands up a bit, sounding stressed, and possibly feeling heartbroken by the reveal of that. “But...we were supposed to talk about it first.” She kept getting more confused and was sounding more sad. As if Hilda didn’t trust her to tell how she felt. She kept rambling to herself until Eda stepped in.

“Hey, hey, hey Jo...calm down okay?” Eda grabbed Johanna’s right hand with her right hand, while she patted her back for reassurance. “Take a deep breath okay. Breathe in, breathe out. Follow my lead, okay?” she told her friend and she listened. They were breathing in and out, and Johanna felt better after that.

“Thank you Eda.” She told her, closing her eyes. “So, she told you about me grounding her and me being more worried than usual?” 

“Yeah, she did talk to me about it. And we had a talk about it. I can understand of why she would be bothered” Eda continued on. “It was a long talk actually. And I wanted to also check if you were okay too.”

“Really?” Johanna looked back at her.

Eda only nodded and smile. “I mean, that’s why I was bummed out when I learned she wasn’t here. To be honest, it makes me feel warm inside when she sees me show up. As if I’m maybe a celebrity. It’s actually pretty cute.” Eda continued on. While she had Luz admiring her and trying to teach her to become a witch. There was something wholesome of Hilda always liking Eda’s company. Despite they got off the wrong foot.

“...I’m an awful parent.” Johanna said as she looked at the ground. With her hands in her lap again.

“...what?” Eda said, sounding surprised by that.

“I just...God” Johanna put her left hand over her nose. “I just can’t take it...or I worry too much. Ever since so much stuff happened. I’m getting more scared for her to be out there. I know she can take care of herself. But it scares me because with recent things that have happened.” She just looked at her hands, and her irritated voice started to sound like she wanted to cry.

“Recent things?” Eda asked.

“It’s not just the fact she’s been lying to me a dozen times. But it’s the fact ever since this break in at one point, and whatever has been happening with this city. I’m just worried for her, and I think she’s started to hate me for it.” At the moment, Johanna sounded as if she was gonna cry.

“I’m just worried that some horrible person is gonna take her away while my back is turned. Or I’m not gonna be there to help her. As if I’m starting to feel weak and helpless...I don’t know what’s been going on it’s just” Johanna choked a bit because she was starting to tear up.

“Hey...Jo...it’s okay.” Eda tried calming her down. Putting her hands on her shoulders.

“My husband left me long ago because of maybe stuff like this. I don’t know anymore. And I’m just...I’m terrified I won’t see her again. And I’m upset by the idea I’m a horrible mother because you are able to protect her and I’m not. Look at me? I’m just some graphic designer and you’re a bloody witch! You’re everything she wants in a mum! And I’m just...normal! She won’t be honest with me, and she hates me!” She cried out, and then put her hands over her face. She started to cry more.

Eda hated seeing her like this. It hurt her seeing Johanna talk about herself this way. Going far as putting herself down because of recent events.

“And...I feel weird...about whatever we have going on!? I...is it a bad thing? I do like men, but...why do you even hang around me? I’m not like anyone you might’ve met at the Boiling Isles...I’m just a mum who might just get kidnapped, or just doing graphic designs while her daughter goes on some adventures behind her mother’s back.” Johanna said.

At that point, Eda may of found out what was bothering Johanna even more. And she knew she had to make things better. She grabbed Johanna’s head and turned it to face her own slowly. With her hands still on Johanna’s cheeks.

“I want you to listen to what I have to say...your daughter doesn’t hate you. She never hated you. We talked about how maybe you’ve being too controlling. But I did talk to her that you’re just maybe worried...and that you both should be honest with each other...but what I didn’t know is what else you had on your mind.” Eda continued.

“Hilda may possibly consider me a fun mom, and I love hanging out with her. But I am not the one who plays Dragon Panic with her. I am not the one who changed her diapers. And I’m certainly not the one who raised her to be person she was...that was you...not me. YOU.”

Eda really wanted to hammer the point she wasn’t Hilda’s mother. But Johanna was her mother. That no matter what Hilda thought of Eda, Johanna was Hilda’s real mother.

“Listen...I understand being scared for her while she’s out there. Trust me, my magic is weakened and I have to make sure there is food on the table for Luz. But I didn’t want her to worry about that. You need to be a bit more open. You need to make her feel comfy about going on adventures. You’re not always gonna be there to protect her. She’s gonna grow up, and you can’t always have this grip on her. But it’s fine you’re scared.” Eda continued on.

“So no...you’re not an awful parent. You make mistakes. We all do. And I hate it when you talk about yourself like that. It hurts me more to see you cry. You’re not just some human who’s a graphic designer...you’re honestly one of the kindest people I know...and I still feel awful of how we met. I just want to make sure you feel alright and safe...okay.” Eda told her. 

“....you really mean...all of that?” Johanna asked her, sniffing a bit. But it seemed like she stopped crying.

“Yes...I meant every word. You’re not weak and helpless, and like I’m grateful that I met Luz. I’m glad to have met you and Hilda.” Eda just hugged her after that.

Johanna felt so shocked. The warmth Eda gave her, and the hug felt so reassuring. It was beautiful that someone did understood her, but also telling her what she needed to do. But also someone who told her that she wasn’t weak or helpless. She really needed to hear this from her. After her eyes had be widen for the hug, she closed them, and hugged Eda back.

“Thank you Eda.” Johanna told her.

“No problem...it’s fine...we both needed to let some stuff out didn’t we?” Eda told her. “And we can sit here as long as you want.” 

The two women just sat on the couch for about five minutes. They were just embracing each other. 

“I’m sorry...for stealing your stuff and that I possibly made you feel worse.” Eda told her. Sounding sad as well.

“It’s okay...I had forgiven you already...but I didn’t know you still felt awful...I don’t hate you.” Johanna told her back. Wanting to reassure Eda of their first encounter. Hearing that made Eda felt relived even more. Despite Johanna had forgiven her long ago, it was nice to hear the confirmation again.

“So.....you still like men right?” Eda said playfully.

Johanna’s eyes widened, and they got out of the hug.

“I mean...just...I’m sorry if I upset you in anyway. I...feel confused. We’re not in a relationship...I don’t know if we have a thing...I just...feel weird around you. But I think it helped me realize some things. I just haven’t felt this way since my husband left...and while you are always flirting...I really enjoy your company.” Johanna said while blushing.

“You’ve never upset me. And hey...sorry if I...get too close at times.” Eda said.

“No...it’s fine...I think...I just don’t get a lot of affection like that. I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship yet...but I again...enjoy your company. You make me feel better.” Johanna told her.

“Awwww, I understand. I just...want you to feel loved you know? But I never wanna make you uncomfortable. I will admit, I love seeing you as a blushing mess.” Eda said with a smile. “If you don’t want to pursue a relationship, that’s fine. I don’t wanna push that on you. But I will be around if you ever need to talk or anything. Whether it’s about Hilda, us, or anything else. Just...use that weird Nowhere Space you guys use...if Tontu doesn’t mind.” Eda said, comforting Johanna.

“And besides...I don’t mind preferring men. I mean...I’ve been with a lot...some are good...some aren’t so good. A lot of them were nice looking...not as nice looking at you.” Eda said back at her with a smile. Which made Johanna flustered. “But you know...trust is key.”

“Yeah...that’s what I think is important too.” Johanna admitted that.

“...hey...if you don’t mind...do you wanna talk about...your husband?” Eda asked her.

“...I think I’d rather not. I think talk about enough things already.” Johanna said while stroking her hair.

Eda decided to grab Johanna and bring her close to her chest.

“Alright. If we’re gonna stop talking. Then we’re gonna do this.” Eda said playfully.

“What are you doing?” Johanna asked.

“I want you to lay on me...I’m just...kind of hugging you. Trust me...I think you need it.” Eda told her.

“Eda. I need to wash the dishes.” Johanna told her.

“Uh uh...screw the dishes...you’re staying here until I feel everything is better okay?” Eda said, not giving Johanna much of a choice. But she didn’t mind it. Being in Eda’s arms and just on her chest felt comforting.

“What about the elixir?” Johanna asked.

“Already had some before I got here. I packed one in case. You’re not getting out of this, trust me.” Eda wanted to make sure she wasn’t gonna let go for a while. “Now...who’s the most beautiful woman in Trolberg?” She asked.

“....I am.” Johanna blushed when hearing that.

“Damn right you are Jo...damn right you are.” Eda said while keeping Johanna close to her chest.

It was gonna be a long night. While Tontu kept to himself, and Twig and Alfur were with Hilda. The two women kept to themselves, and Johanna wouldn’t mind being just stuck in Eda’s arms for a long time. As the witch stroked her hair gently, and just wanted to make her friend she cared about a lot feel comfortable. Johanna deserved that after everything she’d been through.

[only-lonely-stars]

The Future is Bright, Chapter 1

[Chapter 1 (Beginning) - you are here!] // [Chapter 2] // [Chapter 10 (End)] (FFN)

Credit for the inspiration of this newest story goes to @hot-anime-plundar! I finally got around to writing it in full (10 chapters). :) Thank you for allowing me the use of your idea! Updates will be on Sundays.

Summary: What would happen if Cole had indeed had a reflection in the tomb of the First Spinjitzu Master? How would that have changed his life later? What would it have been? This story follows what might have happened if he had seen something, and what it was; who he would have become. What if his future was already decided?... (Rated T for safety. Alternate title: the Cosmic Spoilers AU.)

Chapter 1: The Tomb and the City

The arrival of ghosts was not something any of the Ninja expected, and certainly not something Cole had thought would happen to them. No, he hadn't expected anything like what had happened; what’s more, he really didn't like being stuck as a ghost.

Of course, it wasn’t as if he could change the fact that he was a ghost. It was… irreversible.

Days, weeks later– how long had it been?– he was stuck in an underwater ship, going to Lloyd's grandfather's tomb. It was a wild goose chase, but they were there to hunt down a magic crystal and hope that Morro hadn’t killed the youngest of his brothers. It was a dire thought, but there was at least a little levity; the irony of it all made it at least a little bearable.

The seawater crashed against R.E.X.’s walls as they descended, and Cole tried to ignore it by cataloguing the events since Morro’s return. As he thought back to the beginning of this mess, it was a bit of a blur in his memory. One moment they’d been trying to advertise the tea shop, the next they were fighting for their lives and Lloyd’s freedom; it was all just too fast to keep straight.

He was too tired to remember.

No, he couldn’t say that anymore. Of course. Cole couldn’t blame tiredness, or hunger, or thirst, or anything he felt, for how messy the whole deal was. Now that he was a First-Master-forsaken ghost, he couldn’t feel anything but cold and emptiness… how fitting.

It was almost a relief when conversation resumed and they were attacked by a giant squid. Then they were at the tomb, with R.E.X. gone… and everyone else felt just as cold as he did.

-----

When they reached the ice maze, they knew Morrow was ahead of them, but it was hard to ignore the grandeur of the place despite him. Around them, great walls of ice reached up, dwarfing the Ninja as they regained their breath from the slides that went down to it from the chamber with the golden staff. Ice coated every surface but the rocky floor, making for traction but not the same amount of reflection. There was a source of light somewhere unknown, filtering through the ice in its watery way, and it made the area almost feel sleepy.

As he took in the surroundings, Cole couldn’t help but look up, up, up at the walls and wonder what the caves were for. Were they always there? Did the First Master make them? It was a curious thought– had the creator of the realm made something without the Golden Weapons, too?

The four didn’t take very long to stop and marvel, resolving to continue in and follow Morro. After all, they had to beat him to the Realm Crystal. However, they stopped again when they reacted the first of the ice walls.

When they reached it, Zane approached the wall alone, curiosity written on his mechanical features. “My reflection… is that me?” He paused, examining it and turning his head this way and that. “I look older, but my attire is… different. This is not what I look like right now at all.”

“Really?” Kai followed him. Then he stared at himself, taking a moment to redo the spikes in his hair a little. “Well… mine looks like me, but older. There’s a bunch of magic junk in this tomb; makes sense that the ice walls are magic too.” He grinned. “By the way, I aged super well.”

“Wait, really?” Jay ran up to his own with a beaming grin. “Let’s see!” He looked himself over in glee. “Woah ho ho! I get an awesome eyepatch!” he yelled, voice echoing through the caverns.

“Shh!” Kai hissed. “Jay! Morro’s in here!”

“I know, I know, give me a break!” Jay laughed. “Magic ice is telling me I’m gonna be a pirate, and he knows already.” He touched the ice. “There’s just a thing next to me– a blur. What is that…” Jay stopped talking and watched as the blur shifted, and then sighed, sounding completely smitten. Now he whispered. “...I end up with Nya.”

Cole tried to hear what Jay said, but for once, he was too quiet. Cole only shrugged to himself– it was probably nothing. No, he walked up to the ice wall as well, taking a moment to look at the others before his reflection. “I wonder what mine is.”

“Well, look at it!” Kai called. “We don’t have forever!”

“Fine.” After a moment of trepidation, Cole looked to the ice.

As soon as Cole caught sight of his reflection, Cole couldn’t help but stare. Looking back at him in the ice was himself. He didn’t smile or move if Cole didn’t, but it was no vision of his current self… it really was the future.

In the ice, Future Cole’s hair was longer. He wore white and blue, not black– a sort of robe that tied at the waist, with a belt that had his dragon symbol for the clasp. However, two things were most surprising: a yin-yang pin on his chest, and an orange scar on his very much not ghostly temple, reaching halfway down his face. He was everything that Cole was not right now.

As Cole took in the image, he couldn’t help but grin. Future Cole grinned too, and laughter lines appeared by his eyes. He stared, taking in the sight of himself, until he heard the sound of Kai’s impatient footsteps behind him. “Well? What do you see? You got all quiet.”

Cole turned to him, still grinning wildly, and couldn’t help a little laugh. “I’m human again!”

“What? That’s impossible!” Kai cried. “I mean, it’s good, but it’s still impossible!”

“Apparently not!”

“Kai, you forget that we believed ghosts were impossible before recently,” Zane interrupted, coming over to look as well. “Cole, what do you see?”

“I… well, I’m human.” He examined it again in awe. “There’s… there’s a weird scar on my temple, but otherwise it’s like nothing ever happened.”

Jay laughed. “That’s awesome! You don’t stay a ghost!” He tore his eyes away from his reflection and came up to Cole’s, looking at it curiously. “That’s weird... You’re dressed differently than I am.”

Cole tore his eyes away and looked at Jay. “Really? What do you mean?”

Jay shrugged. “I’m wearing something like, I don’t know, a sensei’s robe. You’re wearing a dress!”

“It’s not a dress! Those are formal robes!” He looked back at it, frowning. “Though… white and blue isn’t like the Ninjagian royal family, so that can’t be it. Plus, a yang pin…”

Kai gaped. “You’ve got a yang?!” The sound of his shout echoed through the ice maze, shrill and bouncing off the ice.

“Quiet!” Zane hissed, covering Kai’s mouth with one freezing cold hand. “Remember, Morro is here. We must stay focused!”

Cole grimaced as Kai recoiled from Zane’s touch. “Crud– okay, yeah. Having a yang is not so great, but let’s talk later!” He glanced back at the ice one last time. “We’d better find Morro.” Still, that was his future self...

He frowned again. Was his reflection glowing green, like a ghost? Why would it glow like that if he was human?

Realization crashed down with even more ghostly coldness as the glow darkened and grew. It wasn’t his reflection, or anything like it.

The words ripped from his throat before he could think. “Morro’s here! LOOK OUT!”

-----

For years, the memory of the First Spinjitzu Master’s tomb was one that stuck with Cole more closely than he would admit to anyone.

Long after Morro and the Preeminent had been defeated, he still found himself sometimes thinking about what he’d seen. Some days he’d ignore it, knowing he’d recognize his path when he saw it. Other days it would weigh on him, much more than it ever did on the others. After all, he had a different fate than them, and apparently a yang to go with it. What did that leave for him to decide?

Nevertheless, and despite Cole’s worries, it didn’t seem to come. Years passed with no sign of any of his brothers’ futures coming to pass– the only exception was Jay, whose relationship with Nya was rebuilt stronger than ever. Even so, the rest (including the eyepatch) didn’t seem to happen, and Cole wondered if it ever would. Maybe it was a trick, or a test from the First Master. What if it wasn’t real at all?

Whatever the truth was, the vision slowly faded from his mind, and he eventually conceded to let it come to pass when it would. There was too much to do and think about, anyway; a biker gang, being stranded in another realm (or three), and evil emperors were just a few of them. There was never a rest, never a break, until after they’d liberated the prisoners of Prime Empire. It was only then that he remembered the vision… and promptly tried to ignore it again.

Despite Cole’s desire to avoid his memories, another adventure came too quickly for his liking. It was an invitation to a place he’d only heard stories of, mostly from his mother as a child. It was to the mythical city of Shintaro, deep in the mountains in central Ninjago. On the surface, it looked like a vacation, but Cole knew better; it was bound to become yet another mess to clean up.

When they at last arrived, the Ninja looked in awe upon the ivory city. There were spires and minarets on every building, and especially the palace. The city’s flagstone streets were perfectly clean, the roofs were gilt, the people were the fairest-skinned people Cole had ever seen– all in all, it was a true wonder to see.

The city’s force of winged guards escorted them to the palace as honored guests, having saved them from horrid direbats as they entered. As they went into the palace, their eyes caught on the vaulted and painted ceilings, buttresses, and columns everywhere. Every wall seemed to be inlaid with gold and carvings, or painted beautifully enough that they would stop looking where they were going. That was what happened when Kai walked into Lloyd, who had stopped to stare– they’d hit their heads, and rubbed them ruefully as Nya rolled her eyes.

Despite their distraction and awe, the Ninja eventually reached the throne room, and without injury. When they reached it, two Shintaran guards opened the doors. The captain of the guard–a man named Hailmar, if Cole had heard him correctly– led them in, gesturing to them and bowing to the throne.

“It is with great honor, King Vangelis,” he cried, “that I present the famed Ninja of Ninjago!”

At his announcement, the king stood from where he’d been sitting on his throne to greet them. He wore white and blue robes that struck Cole as being very familiar, but he struggled to place the familiarity. The king didn’t seem to notice his confusion, as he smiled at them and spread his hands.

“Welcome, welcome! I’m most pleased that you were able to accept our invitation.” The king bowed in greeting. “It is an honor.”

“The honor is ours,” Sensei Wu responded with a matching bow. “Shintaro is beyond anything we imagined.”

The king smiled benevolently. “I’m only a figurehead. The citizens of our proud city are the heart of Shintaro.”

“Oh!” A cheerful voice came from the side of the throne room. “They’re here!”

Cole looked over to its source. The voice belonged to a lovely young woman, dressed in white and blue robes to match the king’s. She was grinning excitedly, and bowed in greeting hastily. Cole’s eyes caught on her– she was beautiful, in a young sort of way, and he immediately knew she was the princess. The colors were still so strangely familiar...

The king beamed at his daughter as she entered. “Ah! Please, meet my heart– her royal Princess Vania.”

Vania happily approached them, coming to stand in front of the Ninja with barely-contained excitement. “I am such a fan of yours. I’ve read all about your adventures! It was my idea to invite you to my birthday.”

Cole couldn’t help but smile at her. Her enthusiasm was infectious! He hadn’t realized it, but she was at least half a head shorter than him– not that her small stature contained her enthusiasm. “Well, it’s an honor to be here, Princess.”

She smiled back, cheerful and bright, and looked among them. “So, is it true that you’ve been to Hiroshi’s Labyrinth?”

“Affirmative,” Zane noted cheerfully.

“Competed in the Tournament of Elements?”

“Oh, do we have stories for you,” Kai added with a grin.

She gasped. “I need to hear them all!”

“Where shall we begin?” Cole was about to tell her a story, but he stopped, for Hailmar had descended between them. He was frowning, clearly protective and watching Cole distrustfully. However, he stepped aside for the king, who set a hand on Cole’s shoulder.

“You can begin by following me!” the king interjected with a smile. “Tomorrow will be a very busy day for all of us; I will show you to your rooms here.” He led them to hallway, and the whole group began walking together.

“Cole, the Earth elemental,” Vania began, coming up alongside him with no sign of losing her excited smile. “What is it like to command the very earth? Is it as fun as it sounds?”

He grinned back at her– it wasn’t hard. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“That’s what I thought. Personally, it sounds amazing! Imagine what you could do with the mountains!”

“Oh yeah, just about anything you can think of! It’s pretty cool.”

King Vangelis hummed in interest. “Are you quite strong, Cole?”

Cole looked to him, then shrugged sheepishly. “Well, uh, I guess. Not the strongest person– that’s probably Karloff– but I can move a lot.”

Vania flushed a light pink. “Come on, Father! He’s the Master of Earth. I’m sure he’s very strong.”

“But of course,” the king said indulgently, though not with the same enthusiasm. “I’m sure the Master of Earth is more than a match for our mountains.”

Cole grinned self-consciously. “That’s really nice of you to say, your Majesty.”

“Think nothing of it,” the king dismissed. “I simply hope you find Shintaro as lovely as we do during your visit. I have personally seen to it that you will want for nothing while in our borders.”

Cole smiled properly at the king. “That’s really nice of you, your Majesty. Thank you.”

“Consider it thanks for all you’ve done for us.” Vangelis smiled flatteringly. “After all, Ninjago’s business is our business. We’re at your service.”

“Yes, we are!” Vania repeated. “I’d be happy to show you around the palace, actually.”

“Well, we’d love a tour,” Cole responded hesitantly. “All of us are super excited to see Shintaro.”

“Of course.” A little wind seemed to be taken out of her sails, but she quickly bounced back. “I’d love to show you all around! I think there’s a spot in the garden you’ll love…”

From there, conversation flowed easily. Cole was completely engrossed in it, even as the king fell behind to talk to the others more, mostly with Master Wu. Behind the group, Jay stopped to whisper with Lloyd and Nya, watching Cole from behind.

“The princess seems to like Cole!” he remarked. “I mean, he’s my best friend and all, but… Cole?”

Lloyd glared at Vania’s back. “Yeah… weird.”

Nya elbowed Lloyd harshly. “Not every princess is like Harumi! Plus, Jay... you’re not subtle.”

“Nya, my darling, my yang, love of my life–”

“Jay.”

“–all I’m saying is that she has a thing for him! When has that happened?”

Nya was about to retort back, but paused, considering what he said. “...You know what? It’s been a while for him.” She pointed at Jay. “That’s really cool, but don’t tease him!”

Jay frowned, muttering. “I have to, he’s my best friend.”

Nya reached over and smacked him.

“Ow!”

“We’re in the presence of royalty!” she hissed.

“Fine,” he whined. “I won’t tease him in the presence of royalty.”

Lloyd gave him a curious look. “Is that code for ‘I’m going to bug him later?’”

“Yes. Yes it is.”

Lloyd snickered. “Do it.”