#their dates would involve lots of red string and a murder board

[mattzerella-sticks]

Something about Riz Gukgak and Max Durden works actually... 😏

[voidfcllen]

OC Master Post

Below the cut is a comprehensive list of my Oc’s available on this blog. You will find their primary face claims, their fandoms, and bullet points listing relevant information in their history and personalities, and in some cases links to their playlists. I’m going to make this post accessible from my Pinned Post so you can reference it later!

Superhero Oc’s

Felix Damery - Miraculous Ladybug / Fandomless

Previous Chat Noir. Very much retired.

Repressed Rich kid with a strict upbringing who never wanted to be a superhero but the god who gave him his magic ring cursed it to his hand until he could get true loves kiss. So he didn’t get a choice.

His father ran a weapons distribution company and was a magical terrorist on the side. He’s in prison now thanks directly to Felix’s involvement as Chat Noir.

Very Rich between his inheritance and liquidating his father’s company. His long-term girlfriend (only because he keeps getting cold feet on proposing) sells wedding dresses and he’s given her a significant investment cause he’s a simp.

He believes his mother is dead and vice versa, this is not the case, and neither of them know this. It’s another one of the ways Raphael Damery sucks.

Lives in New York with his girlfriend and goes back and forth between New York and Paris when convenient.

Link to his Playlist

Marcus Haprele - Miraculous Ladybug / Fandomless

Fae ancestry that gives him Mime Powers. Can mime things into existence but he physically cannot shut up. Only one item at a time and he has to actually have intimate knowledge of said item.

His father is a retired assassin.

Conspiracy nut, like red string bulletin board conspiracy nut. This is how he discovered his dad was a retired assassin. Fred Haprele was not retired at the time of this discovery.

His superhero name is Kid Mime (just The Mime now, he’s in his 30′s)

Has a little sister he would murder for.

Lives in Italy and operates an acting troupe there. He has a degree in engineering, but this has no relevance to his career.

Has a younger cousin named Claude living in london.

Still an Active Hero

Gal Alvarez - Dudepow / Fandomless

Gal is a spanish-american girl who lives with her older brother Kelly, her stay at home artist father, and police commissioner mother. Her best friend Maizey is her most loyal and trusted sidekick.

When Gal was twelve her family moved into her deceased uncle's home, and she discovered the magic ring that had been passed down their family line from man to man. Upon putting it on, Gal became bound to the ring until her death-- specific conditions notwithstanding. Now she is the first Dudepow in history to ever be a woman!

Gal is arrogant, rebellious, prideful, and feels emotions very deeply. She cares a lot for her friends and family, but never thinks before she acts. While on the surface she thinks very highly of herself and hardly ever takes criticism, Gal is very insecure in her identity as herself, verses her identity as a Superhero, where she can fit the expected 'mold' of Dudepow.

Gal has been keeping this secret from her parents for years and is an accomplished hero in her own right now. Dudepow is a magical girl style transformation using the phrase “sock it to me broseph.”

Downsides to being a Macho Man Superhero as a Teenage Girl are insane. Dudepow as a hero represents a lot of toxic masculinity that Gal is slowly trying to change as she modernizes the role of Dudepow.

As Gal her Pronouns are She / Her, as Dudepow they are He / Him.

Link to Her Playlist

Evelyn Clavell - Dudewhap / Fandomless

Gal’s alter ego’s Evil Clone

Ev was born from when Gal broke off a press on nail in a fight as Dudepow. Gal found her clone, and decided to take him home because what else were you gonna do with a whole ass duplicate?

Ev and Gal were best friends, they dated! They were inseparable for years to the jealousy of Gal's best friend. They even fought crime together. But, the more Ev fought evil, the more he began to like it. Evil looked like fun! You could do so many things that the stuffy "he-roic handbook" Gal had to follow didn't let you!

Eventually, Ev became bored of fighting evil, and bored of Gal, and it all went downhill from there.

Ev is solely motivated by his own enjoyment. He only cares about having fun and will throw aside anyone and anything that starts to get boring.

He is manipulative, and petulant, and hides it behind a veil of bubbly personality, gifts, and kind gestures that make it difficult to realize the toxic layer underneath.

Pronouns are he / they.

Being Gal’s clone, he can take on her civilian form a well, but he just doesn’t like too and almost never does unless he was forced too.

Employed by and somewhat mentored by Gal’s inherited archenemy Andrea Clavell, hence where he got the last name.

Link to His Playlist

Pokemon Oc’s

Millie Bolton - Pokemon

From Galar, her Pokemon partner is a Kantonian Meowth named Whiskers.

The extremely excitable wild child born to wooloo shepard parents. They live on a farm just outside of a town, and they sell wool to a popular textile company in Wyndon. Millie is an only child.

Whiskers is her partner, but the Pokemon that is her ace is the Wooloo who she grew up beside on the farm.

Millie’s dream is to become a champion level trainer, and to see all of Galar (and maybe even beyond) due to growing up in such a small hometown. Always looking for new adventures.

Will turn everything into a competition.

Can cook but spends hours gathering berries only to fall asleep right after.

Team: Whiskers, Wooloo, Impidimp, Grookey, Munchlax

Aedan Cavanaugh - Pokemon

From Galar, his Pokemon Partner is a Polteageist named Chamomile

The son of tea merchants. His family lives above his late grandmother’s tea shop, though his mother has long since expanded the business into a small chain of cafes and commercially sold tea blends.

Met Polteageist as a Sinistea after his grandmother’s funeral, and it evolved when he accidentally chipped his grandmother’s favorite antique tea pot.

Aedan is participating in the Gym Challenges to test himself to see how far he and his team can really go.

He’s still figuring out what kind of Pokemon Trainer he wants to be.

He spends a lot of time in battle cafes and expanding his currydex.

Very much wants to evolve a Matcha Cream Alcremie

Team: Chamomile, Vanillish, Swovet, Darumaka, Sobble

Fandomless Oc’s

Liz Ruin / Fandomless

Has verses for Yugioh, Pokemon, and BNHA.

Liz lived in japan with her parents, before they were promoted, and their jobs took them away from home.

She spent a few years in america with her grandfather on her mother’s side and her cousin in their game shop. Eventually Liz would move back to japan, but she visits her grandfather every summer.

Liz has the psychic ability to view the future in her dreams, usually in confusing, sporadic bursts that she can’t quite make any sense of when she wakes up. While awake, she gets bursts of what she calls her “shitty spidey sense” where she’ll know when something is about to happen near her, but not what.

It could be anything from ‘life threatening accident’ to ‘someone is goanna burn their mouth on their coffee’ and she has no way of telling these feelings apart. In her BNHA verse, this is also her quirk, and its official name would be “Precognition”.

Liz is the biggest bi to ever bi, with a strong lean towards cute girls, and seems almost exclusively attracted to boys who are lowkey dumbasses.

If you’ve earned her loyalty, you’ve earned it for life. Also, perhaps a touch more violent than you expect a four foot eight inches tall cute girl to be at first glance.

Link to her Playlist

Eeriee McLaughlin / Fandomless

Her older brother went missing a year ago, and she’s the only one who hasn’t given up searching for him.

She took a jacket from his room that turned out to be a wolf pelt, now she’s a werewolf and will use her supernatural powers to find her brother. Somehow. She isn’t sure how that will work yet.

Her mom is the mayor of the town.

There’s a lot of weird stuff in Angel Hollow (the town) that she hadn’t noticed before becoming one of the weird things herself.

Her new friend Florance is the son of the investigator her mom hired to find her brother, and they’re both incorrigible snoops.

Convinced the weird stuff in town will lead her to her brother.

[voidfell]

OC Master Post

Superhero Oc’s

Felix Damery - Miraculous Ladybug / Fandomless

Previous Chat Noir. Very much retired.

Repressed Rich kid with a strict upbringing who never wanted to be a superhero but the god who gave him his magic ring cursed it to his hand until he could get true loves kiss. So he didn’t get a choice.

His father ran a weapons distribution company and was a magical terrorist on the side. He’s in prison now thanks directly to Felix’s involvement as Chat Noir.

Very Rich between his inheritance and liquidating his father’s company. His long-term girlfriend (only because he keeps getting cold feet on proposing) sells wedding dresses and he’s given her a significant investment cause he’s a simp.

He believes his mother is dead and vice versa, this is not the case, and neither of them know this. It’s another one of the ways Raphael Damery sucks.

Lives in New York with his girlfriend and goes back and forth between New York and Paris when convenient.

Marcus Haprele - Miraculous Ladybug / Fandomless

Fae ancestry that gives him Mime Powers. Can mime things into existence but he physically cannot shut up. Only one item at a time and he has to actually have intimate knowledge of said item.

His father is a retired assassin.

Conspiracy nut, like red string bulletin board conspiracy nut. This is how he discovered his dad was a retired assassin. Fred Haprele was not retired at the time of this discovery.

His superhero name is Kid Mime (just The Mime now, he’s in his 30′s)

Has a little sister he would murder for.

Lives in Italy and operates an acting troupe there. He has a degree in engineering, but this has no relevance to his career.

Has a younger cousin named Claude living in london.

Still an Active Hero

Gal Alvarez - Dudepow / Fandomless

Gal is a spanish-american girl who lives with her older brother Kelly, her stay at home artist father, and police commissioner mother. Her best friend Maizey is her most loyal and trusted sidekick.

When Gal was twelve her family moved into her deceased uncle’s home, and she discovered the magic ring that had been passed down their family line from man to man. Upon putting it on, Gal became bound to the ring until her death– specific conditions notwithstanding. Now she is the first Dudepow in history to ever be a woman!

Gal is arrogant, rebellious, prideful, and feels emotions very deeply. She cares a lot for her friends and family, but never thinks before she acts. While on the surface she thinks very highly of herself and hardly ever takes criticism, Gal is very insecure in her identity as herself, verses her identity as a Superhero, where she can fit the expected ‘mold’ of Dudepow.

Gal has been keeping this secret from her parents for years and is an accomplished hero in her own right now. Dudepow is a magical girl style transformation using the phrase “sock it to me broseph.”

Downsides to being a Macho Man Superhero as a Teenage Girl are insane. Dudepow as a hero represents a lot of toxic masculinity that Gal is slowly trying to change as she modernizes the role of Dudepow.

As Gal her Pronouns are She / Her, as Dudepow they are He / Him.

Evelyn Clavell - Dudewhap / Fandomless

Gal’s alter ego’s Evil Clone

Ev was born from when Gal broke off a press on nail in a fight as Dudepow. Gal found her clone, and decided to take him home because what else were you gonna do with a whole ass duplicate?

Ev and Gal were best friends, they dated! They were inseparable for years to the jealousy of Gal’s best friend. They even fought crime together. But, the more Ev fought evil, the more he began to like it. Evil looked like fun! You could do so many things that the stuffy “he-roic handbook” Gal had to follow didn’t let you!

Eventually, Ev became bored of fighting evil, and bored of Gal, and it all went downhill from there.

Ev is solely motivated by his own enjoyment. He only cares about having fun and will throw aside anyone and anything that starts to get boring.

He is manipulative, and petulant, and hides it behind a veil of bubbly personality, gifts, and kind gestures that make it difficult to realize the toxic layer underneath.

Pronouns are he / they.

Being Gal’s clone, he can take on her civilian form a well, but he just doesn’t like too and almost never does unless he was forced too.

Employed by and somewhat mentored by Gal’s inherited archenemy Andrea Clavell, hence where he got the last name.

Pokemon Oc’s

Millie Bolton - Pokemon

From Galar, her Pokemon partner is a Kantonian Meowth named Whiskers.

The extremely excitable wild child born to wooloo shepard parents. They live on a farm just outside of a town, and they sell wool to a popular textile company in Wyndon. Millie is an only child.

Whiskers is her partner, but the Pokemon that is her ace is the Wooloo who she grew up beside on the farm.

Millie’s dream is to become a champion level trainer, and to see all of Galar (and maybe even beyond) due to growing up in such a small hometown. Always looking for new adventures.

Will turn everything into a competition.

Can cook but spends hours gathering berries only to fall asleep right after.

Team: Whiskers, Wooloo, Impidimp, Grookey, Munchlax

Aedan Cavanaugh - Pokemon

From Galar, his Pokemon Partner is a Polteageist named Chamomile

The son of tea merchants. His family lives above his late grandmother’s tea shop, though his mother has long since expanded the business into a small chain of cafes and commercially sold tea blends.

Met Polteageist as a Sinistea after his grandmother’s funeral, and it evolved when he accidentally chipped his grandmother’s favorite antique tea pot.

Aedan is participating in the Gym Challenges to test himself to see how far he and his team can really go.

He’s still figuring out what kind of Pokemon Trainer he wants to be.

He spends a lot of time in battle cafes and expanding his currydex.

Very much wants to evolve a Matcha Cream Alcremie

Team: Chamomile, Vanillish, Swovet, Darumaka, Sobble

Fandomless Oc’s

Liz Ruin / Fandomless

Has verses for Yugioh, Pokemon, and BNHA.

Liz lived in japan with her parents, before they were promoted, and their jobs took them away from home.

She spent a few years in america with her grandfather on her mother’s side and her cousin in their game shop. Eventually Liz would move back to japan, but she visits her grandfather every summer.

Liz has the psychic ability to view the future in her dreams, usually in confusing, sporadic bursts that she can’t quite make any sense of when she wakes up. While awake, she gets bursts of what she calls her “shitty spidey sense” where she’ll know when something is about to happen near her, but not what.

It could be anything from ‘life threatening accident’ to ‘someone is goanna burn their mouth on their coffee’ and she has no way of telling these feelings apart. In her BNHA verse, this is also her quirk, and its official name would be “Precognition”.

Liz is the biggest bi to ever bi, with a strong lean towards cute girls, and seems almost exclusively attracted to boys who are lowkey dumbasses.

If you’ve earned her loyalty, you’ve earned it for life. Also, perhaps a touch more violent than you expect a four foot eight inches tall cute girl to be at first glance.

Eeriee McLaughlin / Fandomless

Her older brother went missing a year ago, and she’s the only one who hasn’t given up searching for him.

She took a jacket from his room that turned out to be a wolf pelt, now she’s a werewolf and will use her supernatural powers to find her brother. Somehow. She isn’t sure how that will work yet.

Her mom is the mayor of the town.

There’s a lot of weird stuff in Angel Hollow (the town) that she hadn’t noticed before becoming one of the weird things herself.

Her new friend Florance is the son of the investigator her mom hired to find her brother, and they’re both incorrigible snoops.

Convinced the weird stuff in town will lead her to her brother.

Hugo Nystrom / Tangled OC

An orphan from Ingvarr whose parents were deeply, deeply in debt when he was born, and when they died, a very young Hugo had to take up paying that debt.

Worked in factories and that's what started his fascination with technology and alchemy. Ended up having to steal to survive because the debt collectors took everything he made.

Donella owned the factory he was working in and when he started stealing small parts for his experiments, she noticed, ended up working for her that way. Ironically, being a full-time criminal was an upgrade.

Science is his one true love but he will absolutely dabble in magic if he thinks it’ll help make his alchemical solutions better. He just kind of throws vials at people like moltov cocktails.

Only a year older then Varian, two years max.

He’s never had real friends before and watching him flounder as he realizes people actually like and want him around for no other reason then they just like having him around is one of life’s greatest joys.

[things-with-teeth]

“And Hope That I Don’t Crash You”: The Web, The Archivist, and Control

In her statement to Jon, Annabelle Cane states, “I have always believed that the key to manipulating people is to ensure that they always under- or overestimate you. Never reveal your true abilities or plans” (MAG 147). In a lot of ways, the narrative supports reading this as an admonishment against doing the later. In MAG 149, Melanie shoots down the idea that the Web has some strategy beyond “to paralyze [Jon] with indecision, sitting here terrified that everything [he does] is somehow part of its grand plan;” Jon doesn’t necessarily concede to this point, but he does admit it’s a possibility. Every time we’ve met another avatar of one of the Entities or an organization that worships them, it’s turned out that they’re not all they were cracked up to be when they first appeared on the scene: Peter can’t protect the Archives as he told Martin he would, Elias isn’t as all-knowing as he would lead others to believe, the Cult of the Lightless Flame and the People's Church of the Divine Host are both 95% petty in-fighting and about 5% knowing what the heck they’re doing. (Simon “in it for the lulz” Fairchild is sort of a breath of fresh air; he also doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he doesn’t pretend otherwise.) So maybe the Web is the same; even Annabelle suggests it, telling Jon that it’s entirely possible the Mother of Puppets is “simply sitting and reveling in the inevitable cascade of paranoia as those who hold her in special terror cocoon themselves in red string and theory” (147).

On that note, please allow me to cocoon myself in red sting and theory: I think Annabelle has basically been engineering events since season one, and here’s why.

I want to be clear from the start: I think Annabelle is being completely above board when she tells Jon that she hasn’t influenced his decision to take statements and feed the Eye. It’s clear from the moment that he proposes the possibility that this is a bit of a reach, a desperate last-ditch attempt to convince both himself and the others that he hasn’t been acting with any kind of autonomy while doing something he knows will hurt people. He is. He does. Jon Sims is becoming a monster, and that wouldn’t be nearly as horrifying or as sad if there wasn’t some element of choice to it (and some element of inevitability to that choice, as with a lot of great tragedies, but the kind of inevitability that’s as much personally driven as externally motivated). In no way am I writing this in an attempt to say “the spiders made him do it, he had no choice.” That being said, Annabelle herself makes an argument for choice being dictated by circumstance, and I’m going to argue that Annabelle herself has dictated a great deal of the circumstance from the very beginning.

Some of this is very well-supported by the things that we already know for a fact; Annabelle, herself, admits to Jon that she’s been “been nudging something here and there to keep [Jon] safe, to keep everything on track” (ibid). I don’t think there’s much room to argue that Annabelle wasn’t the one who prevented Jane Prentiss’ plan to destroy the Archives from coming to fruition. As of MAG 123, we know that Annabelle was responsible for what happened to Carlos Vittery way back in MAG 16, the very same case that Martin is investigating when he discovers Jane in the basement of Carlos’ apartment leading up to MAG 22, and from MAG 16 we know that Jane’s presence there predates that of the spiders – Carlos says his building has an “infestation of some sort of insect [he] didn’t recognize – small, silvery worms [...] they provided a good meal for the eight-legged little monsters.” As a result, the Archives are aware that Jane is a present and immediate danger. In MAG 38, the infestation of worms in the tunnels and Jane’s attack on the archives is revealed when Jon damages the false wall while attempting to commit arachnicide, and she’s forced to attack early. This is almost definitely why she fails; Tim states that “[being inside the Magus Institute] made them weaker, and they’ve been down there for months, breeding, building up their numbers until there were enough to properly bury us. Except you found that hidden passage, and they had to act” (MAG 40). I think it’s also possible – although this is more conjecture at this point – that Annabelle was the one who sent the note that incited Jared Hopworth to attack the archives between seasons three and four, although that’s mostly because I’m not sure there’s a better candidate; Peter potentially has motive, but that kind of manipulation reads more as the Web than the Lonely. “I’m starting to think the letters were a trap,” says Jared (MAG 131), and I would argue that it was a trap, not for Jared but for Martin, meant to nudge him into looking outside the Institute for protection. It’s more-or-less explicitly stated that Annabelle sent Oliver Banks to coax Jon out of his coma: “I'm still not exactly sure why I'm here. But you know better than anyone how the spiders can get into your head. Easier to just do what she asks” (MAG 121). Annabelle has nudged, here and there, and she has kept Jon safe, and she has kept everything on track.

I think Annabelle has been influencing events in more subtle ways, too, however. Very early in the series, Jon receives a delivery which includes “an old Zippo” with a “spider web design on the front” (MAG 36). He’s suggests that Tim have the others take a look at it, but that’s quickly lost in the realization that the other item delivered is the web table, which Jon recognizes from its description. As far as I can recall, we don’t hear another mention of the lighter until MAG 111, when Gerard asks Jon if he’s “a spider freak” after Jon offers him a cigarette and, presumably, a light. This means that, three seasons later, Jon is still carrying the lighter. A lighter with a spider web pattern on it, delivered by Breekon and Hope, who may belong to the Stranger but who are certainly willing to deliver parcels for other powers (the yellow stole Father Burroughs receives in MAG 20, for instance). Jon has been carrying around an artifact of the Web for the better part of the series, and I don’t think it’s impossible that it’s been influencing him, or that Annabelle’s been using it to influence him, in ways that are much less obvious than those I’ve listed above. Mostly I don’t want to speculate as to how it’s influenced him – I straight up do not know, and like I said, my intention is not to absolve Jon of all agency in his own actions for the last hundred plus episodes – with one exception. There’s one other time that Jon’s smoking habit has heavily impacted the plot: when he steps out to have a cigarette in MAG 80, leaving the way clear for Elias to brutally pipe murder Jurgen Lietner and keep Jon “on track” in his development as the Archivist.

This is speculation, but I think it’s speculation supported by past events within the podcast, most specifically those surrounding Gertrude and Agnes.

Annabelle wasn’t an avatar of the Web back then, of course, but I still think that there’s a lot to be learned when it comes to how the Web and/or its representatives influence the course of events nominally controlled by and benefitting other Entities. In MAG 139, Eugene Vanderstock says:

The compromise we came to was Hill Top Road. We knew it was a stronghold of the Web, full of other children Agnes’ age. We would supervise from a distance but were confident she would be in no danger. The Mother of Puppets has always suffered at our hand – all the manipulation and subtle venom in the world means nothing against a pure and unrestrained force of destruction and ruin.

And that’s—that’s weird, isn’t it? We know that the Cult is at least somewhat protective of Agnes; it’s how Diego convinces Arthur Nolan and the others not only to refrain from acting against Gertrude but to protect her for so many years after she binds Agnes to her, because it might be “catastrophic for Agnes” if Gertrude were to die “a violent death” (MAG 145). In spite of that, here they are, sending their baby chosen one into the lair of an enemy power so that she can get some normal socialization and learn not to bite (or burn) the other kids. As a result, Agnes ends up tied to Hill Top Road and Raymond Fielding, even after Fielding is dead, perhaps because of an early attempt at the same kind of binding that Gertrude eventually succeeds at creating. I don’t think it’s outside of the realm of possibility that the chain of events leading up to the Cult making this disastrous decision were not entirely without influence from the Web.

Then there’s Jack Barnabas. I’m ridiculously charmed by Jack’s whole mindset of “this girl is so goddamn weird and I’m really ridiculously into it,” and I’m not going to suggest that what he felt for Agnes wasn’t real; even Jon is “ninety percent” sure that Gertrude “didn’t pay poor Jack Barnabas to fall in love with Agnes” (MAG 139), and I’m about equally certain that the Web didn’t compel poor Jack Barnabas into being head over heels for her, either. That said, I think it’s clear that the Web did have some involvement. When preparing for his first date with Agnes, Jack smells burning and notices that “within the corner of the room, where there had been a spider's web this morning, there was just a faint wisp of smoke” (MAG 67). The language in his statement, years later, is filled with confusion about his own motives and hints of compulsion: “I was drawn to her in a way I can't even explain,” “I don't know how it happened, it [asking Agnes for a date] just tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop it,” “drowning in emotions that I still can't explain,” and “looking back, I'm still not sure what I would have done differently [...] I don't know if I would have had it in me to resist. I just couldn't avoid being drawn in” (ibid). Jack’s feelings for Agnes may not have been entirely manufactured, but they did receive a nudge, and the result was doubt and eventual death for the avatar and a necessary component in the ritual of one of the Web’s opposing powers.

Finally, there’s Gertrude. When speaking of the path that led her to the ritual which eventually bound her to Agnes, she describes it thus:

It was the Web. I didn’t know it at the time, of course, and I would call it an accident, but it never is, with them. It’s only after the fact that you can see all the subtle manipulations [...] I began researching what I thought was a counter-ritual of sorts. Like I said, I was young, naive. I somehow found just the right books, made just the right connections, and even got what I thought was a piece of blind good luck when I found a tin box in the ashes of Hill Top Road, containing some perfectly preserved cuttings of her hair. Of course, what I thought was a banishment ritual turned out not to be. The circle I constructed was more of a—an invitation. It let the Mother of Puppets bind me to Agnes, interweave our existences at some metaphysical level, as it had with Fielding and the house. (MAG 145)

Somehow she found the right books. Blind good luck that led her to Agnes’ hair at Hill Top Road. I would call it an accident. It’s only after the fact that you can see all the subtle manipulations – and this is Gertrude, who isn’t infallible, but who Arthur Nolan pinpoints as being “too practical” (ibid) to buy into the mystique of the Entities or to ascribe to them some greater motive, which would seem to belie the possibility that she’s falling prey to (as Annabelle suggests in MAG 147, as Melanie suggests in MAG 149) the tendency to succumb to paranoia while crediting the Mother of Puppets with some grand act of manipulation that the Web isn’t actually responsible for. I would argue that Jon has most likely been experiencing the same kind of quote-unquote happenstance that Gertrude once did, the same kind of subtle manipulation cloaked in coincidence, for the entirety of the series, all of it leading him toward whatever end Annabelle finds most desirable.

Some final notes that I couldn’t really incorporate elsewhere: I really, very much hope that Melanie’s therapy sessions really are just her getting good professional help for everything the Archives and the Entities have thrown at her, but I’m less and less certain that’s the case. Annabelle’s inception, her origin story, takes place in a psychology department. When doing follow-up in MAG 69, the archival staff find that all of the post-grads involved in the experiment have disappeared; in addition, Elizabeth “Liz” Bates, the advisor on the project, refuses to give a follow-up statement. The Web is about control and manipulation; it’s entirely possible that Annabelle has a large pool of qualified candidates to draw on when it comes to providing Melanie with a counselor who doesn’t have “cobwebs down her face” (MAG 149). I also keep getting stuck on the fact that very soon after Melanie asks Daisy not to call her “Mel” in MAG 147 because her therapist has advised her to be more open about these things, Annabelle opens her statement with “Free will is a funny old thing, isn’t it Jon? Can I call you Jon? I’m going to call you Jon.” Sure, it’s coincidence – but Gertrude was convinced, at first, that what she was dealing with was coincidence, too.

As for why Annabelle is doing this, I don’t know. Maybe the Lonely is as much in opposition to the Web as the Desolation is – after all, it’s difficult to manipulate someone in isolation – and she’s trying to impede Peter, not from stopping the Extinction but from benefiting from it, as Simon Fairchild says he will, thereby eliminating an enemy just as the Web did with Agnes and the Desolation. Maybe she’s trying to beat him to the same goal, establishing some level of control over someone beholden to the Ceaseless Watcher just as Peter is trying to gain control of Martin; Jon’s first experience with the supernatural involved the Web, and then there’s that Zippo. Maybe she has some goal all her own, some third option not yet even hinted at. Or maybe, like Jon, she’s acting on instinct, unable to do anything but “dance the steps [she is] assigned” (ibid), manipulating and spinning out her web because she’s incapable of doing anything else.

---

So I accidentally wrote 2.5k of wild conjecture about creepy spider people because I got stuck on the idea that there was a connection between the Zippo and Lietner’s death, that was fun. Shout out to @wildehacked for letting me yell about this and additional shout out to anyone involved in the wiki or the transcripts because oh goooooood would this have been more difficult to compile without being able to utilize those resources to check citations and grab most of the quotes. 

Quick edit to add a link to @caught-in-the-infinite‘s excellent alternative explanation for why Annabelle might have wanted Jared Hopworth to attack the Archives, which I think makes a lot more good sense than mine while also having even more ominous implications. 

[realestate63141]

Oh No, Mr. Bill!

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Financial entanglements forced Todd Ricketts to withdraw his nomination to be deputy commerce secretary — proving your bookkeeping can be too murky even for the Trump administration. Evan McMullin is vying to raise his national profile — oh, he’s also mulling a run for Congress. And Bill O’Reilly was fired from Fox News. Somewhere, Jeff Zucker just asked someone to hold his beer. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Wednesday, April 19th, 2017:

NIL O’REILLY - Thank goodness for Ivanka and Jared’s moderating influence over Rupert Murdoch. Lydia O’Connor and Michael Calderone: “Bill O’Reilly will no longer be employed at Fox News, the network’s parent company 21st Century Fox said in a statement Wednesday. The decision comes after allegations of him sexually harassing female colleagues prompted protests outside network headquarters and a mass exodus from advertisers…. Fox News host Tucker Carlson will take over O’Reilly’s 8 p.m. time slot next Monday, Fox confirmed…. Following a bombshell New York Times report earlier this month indicating O’Reilly and Fox News have paid around $13 million in settlements to address complaints brought by five of his former female colleagues, advertisers began fleeing the show. Within days, more than 50 companies announced they would no longer air spots during the show.” [HuffPost]

How did O’Reilly stay on board for so long? “Even beyond these incidents, O’Reilly often made clear his contempt for women. On his radio show in August 2006, he commented on the rape and murder of a young woman, suggesting that she shared some of the blame because of her intoxicated state and what she was wearing…. I wrote about O’Reilly’s comments in 2009 when I worked for the site ThinkProgress, tied to the news that he was slated to speak at a fundraiser to benefit rape survivors. In return, O’Reilly sent his producer, Jesse Watters, to track me down and ambush me while I was on vacation in another state a few weeks later.” [HuffPost’s Amanda Terkel]

In the middle of all this, O’Reilly met the pope on Thursday.

CHAFFETZ RETIRING FROM CONGRESS - The Utah congressman is looking forward to spending more time with his wife a corkboard in his basement covered with magazine cutouts of Hillary Clinton connected by thumbtacks and red string. Paige Lavender and Matt Fuller: “Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah), the controversial chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, said on Wednesday he will not run for re-election, after BuzzFeed reported that he would retire at the end of this term…. Chaffetz noted he would ‘not be a candidate for any office in 2018,’ leaving open the possibility he may run for governor in 2020…. His decision sets off an immediate gavel fight to take over the top spot on the oversight committee…. Among some of the leading contenders for the spot are former Freedom Caucus Chairman Jim Jordan (R-Ohio), Rep. Jimmy Duncan (R-Tenn.), and the man Chaffetz beat out for the gavel in late 2014: Rep. Michael Turner (R-Ohio).” [HuffPost]

But will David French get into the race? “[F]ormer independent presidential candidate Evan McMullin spoke with advisers to evaluate his options in the state with a victory suddenly seeming more likely than before…. [A] source close to McMullin told Independent Journal Review that McMullin is ‘considering running in 2018’ but still hasn’t made a decision on how he will proceed.” [IJR]

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RICKETTS WITHDRAWS NOMINATION - Lynn Sweet: “Unable to untangle his complex financial holdings to the satisfaction of the Office of Government Ethics, Cubs board member Todd Ricketts, tapped by President Donald Trump to be the Deputy Commerce Secretary, on Wednesday withdrew his nomination, the Chicago Sun-Times has learned. Ricketts, a Wilmette resident who is a member of the billionaire Ricketts clan, was willing to divest his considerable personal portfolio of holdings, but that was apparently not enough. Some of the Ricketts investments are in family enterprises, including the Cubs…. Ricketts has varied business interests, from his ‘Higher Gear’ bike store in Wilmette to his position on the TD Ameritrade board. The Ricketts family are large shareholders of the company Joe Ricketts founded in 1975. Ricketts and his three siblings are on the Cubs board, legally known as Chicago Baseball Holdings LLC.” [Chicago Sun-Times]

TRUMP-CURIEL SHOWDOWN, PT. 2 - Alan Gomez: “President Trump will confront a familiar figure in the lawsuit over a DREAMer who was deported by federal immigration agents: U.S. District Judge Gonzalo Curiel. He’s the judge who oversaw a lawsuit involving Trump University who Trump accused of being biased because of his ‘Mexican heritage.’ Curiel, who was born in Indiana, approved a $25 million settlement between Trump and students who claimed they overpaid for real estate seminars…. Now, Curiel has been assigned to handle a lawsuit brought on behalf of Juan Manuel Montes, 23, a California resident who was deported in February despite being approved for the Deferred Actions for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program, which provides protective status for undocumented immigrants brought to the country as children.” [USA Today]

ADELSON DUMPED A LOT OF MONEY ON TRUMP’S INAUGURATION - Condolences to the online gambling industry. Rosalind S. Helderman and John Wagner: “Casino magnate and Republican mega-donor Sheldon Adelson donated $5 million to President Trump’s inaugural festivities, as corporate interests and lobbyists lifted the inaugural committee’s fundraising to record levels. In all, more than 45 individuals and companies donated at least $1 million each to the effort as Trump broke with the practice of most recent inaugural committees and placed no limits on corporate or individual donors. Major donors included Robert Mercer, the hedge fund manager who has been one of Trump’s biggest donors, Dow Chemical, and Phillip Ruffin, a longtime Trump friend and business partner. Several owners of National Football League teams gave $1 million, including Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder, Los Angeles Rams owner Stanley Kroenke, Houston Texans owner Robert McNair and a Trump friend who owns the New England Patriots, Robert K. Kraft, whose team is visiting the White House on Wednesday.” [WaPo]

FUTURE FAILED PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE ANDREW CUOMO MADE A LOT OF MONEY OFF OF A BAD BOOK - Tom Precious: “Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo...has made $783,000 from HarperCollins for his book. The book sold 3,200 copies since it was published in the fall of 2014, according to tracking company NPD BookScan. That works out to royalty payments to Cuomo of $245 per book…. In his 2016 tax filings made public Monday, the book royalty income was listed at $218,100…. Cuomo’s government spokesman declined to say how many copies of the book have been sold. ‘This payment was contractual and per the agreement with the publisher,’’ Richard Azzopardi, a Cuomo spokesman, said of the book income in 2015.” [Buffalo News]

WONDER HOW THIS WILL GO - Congratulations to Exxon Mobil on its resumed joint venture.  Jay Solomon and Bradley Olson: “Exxon Mobil Corp has applied to the Treasury Department for a waiver from U.S. sanctions on Russia in a bid to resume its joint venture with state oil giant PAO Rosneft, according to people familiar with the matter. Exxon has been seeking U.S. permission to drill with Rosneft in several areas banned by sanctions and applied in recent months for a waiver to proceed in the Black Sea, according to these people…. Congress has also launched an investigation into whether there were ties between aides to Donald Trump and Russia’s government during the presidential campaign and the political transition.Secretary of State Rex Tillerson is Exxon’s former chief executive officer and in that role forged a close working relationship with Russian President Vladimir Putin and with Rosneft, a company that is critical to Russia’s oil-reliant economy.” [WSJ]

ANOTHER BUSH VYING TO SCREW UP ANOTHER MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM - Guess they’ll be able to bond over the fact that they both dated Mariah Carey. Douglas Hanks: “Jeb Bush and Derek Jeter have joined forces in their bid to buy the Miami Marlins, according to sources familiar with the talks. The former Florida governor and retired New York Yankees star once were rivals for the Major League Baseball franchise but now have teamed up to try and buy the team, the sources said. They are competing against a New York financier named Wayne Rothbaum, manager of Quogue Capital, a source close to the situation said. It is not known if other would-be suitors of the Marlins remain in the hunt.” [Miami Herald]

OH MY! Patricia Mazzei: “Miami Republican Sen. Frank Artiles dropped the n-word to a pair of African-American colleagues in private conversation Monday night — after calling one of them a ‘fucking asshole,’ a ‘bitch’ and a ‘girl,’ the two senators said. Over drinks after 10 p.m. at the members-only Governors Club just steps from the state Capitol, Artiles told Sens. Audrey Gibson of Jacksonville and Perry Thurston of Fort Lauderdale that Senate President Joe Negron of Stuart had risen to his powerful GOP leadership role because ‘six niggers’ in the Republican caucus had elected him…. It’s unclear whom Artiles was referring to, since the only black senators in the state Senate are all Democrats.” [Miami Herald]

BECAUSE YOU’VE READ THIS FAR - Here’s a beagle playing the piano.

FLORIDA TO BE SLIGHTLY LESS TERRIBLE FOR A BIT - New Jersey, however… well, you can’t make zero any more devoid of value than it already is. Darren Samuelsohn and Ken Vogel: “[O]nce his exclusive seaside retreat at Mar-a-Lago closes for the season, Trump is expected to shift his weekend plans north, to his Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey — and bring with him all the chaos that comes with being a preferred presidential destination. ‘We’re kind of apprehensive, I guess you could say,’ said Nick Strakhov, a retired telecommunications professional and longtime resident who serves on the Bedminster land use board. ‘It’s nice to be recognized. But on the other hand, if it gets to be tedious, we might start to complain.’ Street closures and traffic jams were a big problem last fall across the region when the then-president-elect traveled to Bedminster by motorcade from Trump Tower in midtown Manhattan for a weekend’s worth of interviews with potential Cabinet nominees.” [Politico]

COMFORT FOOD

- “The Simpsons” turns 30 years old. Here are the first “Simpsons” shorts from the “Tracey Ullman Show.”

- Gibbons aren’t happy about a rat in their enclosure.

- Recounting a date with the former general manager of the Times Square Olive Garden.

TWITTERAMA

Bill O'Reilly Alex Jones Rudy Giuliani Tomi Lahren Chris Christie People who are having a waaaaaay different 2017 than they expected.

— W. Kamau Bell (@wkamaubell) April 19, 2017

I Was Ambushed By Bill O’Reilly. But I Still Have A Job And He Doesn’t. AMA.

— Amanda Terkel (@aterkel) April 19, 2017

Updated Fox News lineup 8 PM Pepe Frog and Friends 9 PM The Comments Section 10 PM Email From My Dad With the Subject "RE: Re: re: FWD:"

— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) April 19, 2017

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