#their chaotic dynamic is everything to me i hope it comes across to everyone
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persephone-ransom · 2 years ago
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redraw of an old picture i made back in 2018 hehe
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cannoliparty · 10 months ago
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jadekat & why i love it
jadekats this really interesting homestuck pairing to me! i feel like its because both jade & karkat are cool characters on their own, but their great strengths come with great flaws, and their dynamic balances out these flaws so well. it's a strangely underrated pairing too, considering jade is probably the character karkat most obviously flushes for in the comic, next to terezi. ill be explaining why i think this bond is so overlooked.
jade has a variety of strengths. as a witch of space, it makes sense. space is on a more grand level of intuition and clear knowledge on a vast amount of things, leading to space players sometimes not being able to explain the way things are in detail. this vastness also comes with a "wait-and-see" approach, as space is always growing organically, like an organism/plant. as a witch, jade followed through completing time loops with eagerness and a loss of wanting to know exactly why these loops must be fulfilled, simply believing things like fate knew what they were doing, and everything would come into order. shes also very well-versed in science, rifles, childhood cartoons, plants... she does everything she possibly can with the space around her, manipulating it (therefore "manipulating space") to her own will!
on a more characteristic standpoint, jade is socially isolated. shes nice to everyone she comes across (until theyre mean) but she has isolation problems. living on an island alone has made her used to having things done in her own methodical and scientific way, simply because thats the way she believes in. shes at a loss when it comes to chaotic, unorderly things like karkat's memos with his future/past selves! she just doesnt know how to handle it because she's only known how to be in tune with her own thoughts & feelings.
karkat is well-versed in the way relationships are supposed to go. he's watched an abundance of rom-coms and dealed with all his friends as a leader. it makes sense why he's so good at knowing how others feel and how to care for them. the problem is that he doesn't know how to outwardly express his own feelings or care at all. he doesn't know how to approach terezi without fighting with her, but still constantly pesters these people he likes with his angry, nonsensical ways.
when jade and karkat interact in the comic, it's confusing at first. karkat is constantly pestering jade at random intervals of time, and this ruins her ordered way of working around stuff. she develops these "conversation passwords", an intuitive way of staying on the same time track with the trolls. karkat is obviously angered by jade's action, but after realizing jade won't budge about it he goes along with it. in openbound, it's even revealed he used one of these conversation keys as a password for his own memories in a dream bubble!
in the memos with karkat's multiple selves, jade learns not everything can always be so orderly and clear, and this is very hard for her to stomach. she wants to quit dealing with it, but karkat's stubborness makes her deal with these messy, personal feelings.
in summary, jadekat's this great, balanced dynamic. jade teaches karkat to be more open and true to himself and his own feelings, while also getting him out of trouble with ridiculous things like future selves and all-over-the-time-loop conversations with clear solutions to get him back into the big picture. karkat teaches jade to consider the smaller details and how the more orderly paths can't constantly be taken to solve something.
this is all i have right now, i hope it makes sense!! i tried not to connect this to a lot of classpecting cuz i feel like jadekat's mainly about focusing on the very feelings of the characters (whether clear or messy) instead of just connecting them to a grander thing. lmk if u have any thoughts on jadekat or just jade/karkat in general ^_^!!
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ourstoriedinsight · 8 months ago
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Audio Drama Sunday III
Woo! Been a good week with many walks beneath the cherry blossoms. Weather has been kind of exceptional but weird with the early season trees all seeming to have not flourished this year but the mid seasons are out in full flush. Podcasts have of course been my companions on my walks though I've sprinkled in a bit more music into my headphone time than usual.
As is becoming my usual going to go over my week to week waits.
Magnus is of course on hiatus which I think everyone is keenly feeling. Stay strong friends.
@innbetween released their patrons only episode and hoo boy I just got socked right in the feels. I know I can't get too spoiler-y but the portrayal of bullying, ableist horse pucky was so well done! I can't keep changing my favorite character episode to episode right? Y’k’ty currently has the top spot. Something about Emma's voicework being so deliberate and acerbic makes me feel like I am sitting watching a character speaking with the physiology of a dragon muzzle with some wicked sharp teeth. I hope that comes across as the compliment I intend it to be... Anyway brilliant writing, wonderful acting and you guys on the regular release are in for a GOOD time and maybe a few cathartic tears shed.
And now onto my won't stop can't stop listen of the week which continues to be Spiritbox Radio! So far I am approaching the deep end of season 2 and it's held up beautifully. Still a sucker for that slow burn mystery of what the heck is going on with the Man in The Flat cap's ultimate plan and getting increasing worried about m'boy Oliver who seems to have knowingly signed up for the most complicated romance dynamic out there. Definitely rooting for those crazy kids as things with Sam seem to be a rollercoaster of unpleasant discoveries. Hoping against hope still there will be no further iterations of human soup!
Show editing wise it's been a bit chaotic. We've done a whole bunch of recording sessions this past week and we just need one more to complete getting everything we need to start polishing off our doozy of a season finale. It's literally an episode and a half to work on ! Anyway the day is too nice to spend much more of it inside. I hope everyone has an awesome week in audio ahead!
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jakesimfromstatefarm · 4 years ago
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how to fake date your best friend | jake sim
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✰ summary: the rules were simple -
pretend to be the boyfriend of you, his best friend who wants the attention of their crush, for a week and a week only
no kissing (bc gross cooties amirite) allowed, unless needed in times of desperate measure 
and no matter what, absolutely, most definitely, do not fall in love. 
simple, right?
well apparently not. because news flash––jake's already broken one of the rules. 
and to give you a hint, it's neither rule 1 or 2.
✰ pairing: jake sim x y/n [ft. members of enha!] 
✰ genre: fluff, comedy | fakingdating!au, highschool!au, bestfriend!au, friends to lovers
✰ warnings: cursing, high-schoolers doing dumb highschool things, underage drinking (pls don’t actually do any of this irl), jake being a certified simp, it’s LONG (i’m so sorry), cheesy kithes bc im a sucker for kithes ( ˘ ³˘)♥
✰ wc: a whopping 9.5k
✰ a/n: it’s finally finished :’)))))) it ended up being much longer than i wanted but i had so much fun writing the characters that i got carried away lolol anywaysss i hope you guys enjoy it,,,i got a little unmotivated during the process bc i didn’t know if it was good or not but here it is heh (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡ 
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Tuesday, December 8th
Jake Sim lives a simple life. 
He likes to think he leads the normal, stereotypical life of a teenage boy. Has decent grades, plays soccer after school, skateboards around the neighborhood, has a best friend who he’s desperately in love with, and has a stable group of friends. 
Okay, maybe not so simple, because this boy would physically launch himself to the moon and drill at its surface to collect moon dust for you if you asked him to––despite his deadly fear of combusting in outer space. 
But that fear doesn’t even compare to his worst one yet: not having you in his life. 
And so, he decided to just repress any and all feelings he’s had for you ever since he discovered them in middle school, when he realized he hated seeing you go to the eighth grade dance with a date––that wasn’t him. 
He decided that he wasn’t going to risk losing a life-long friendship over some dumb, teenage boy feelings. 
They were probably powered by his testosterone anyways. Yeah, that’s totally it.
He’s totally not in love with you. 
So yes, he lives a pretty normal life. Every day is the same as the last, and tomorrow will be the same as today. But he likes it like that––he doesn’t want anything to change. 
Especially not now, when he finds himself content with every aspect of his life (okay maybe except for his history grade, god, does he hate history). 
So, it catches him off guard when you arrive at the group’s usual lunch table, located outside in your school’s courtyard, looking as excited as ever. 
Jake’s the only one at the table so far. The remaining usually showed up late––Heeseung spends his first half of lunch tutoring freshmen for community service hours (but the poor boy has no idea what he’s doing), Sunghoon is probably stuck in line in the cafeteria again (he always forgets to pack his own lunch), and Jay is...well actually, no one ever knows where Jay comes from. He’s a special one. 
It catches Jake even more off guard when you skip over any greeting a normal person would give, and start speaking at one hundred words per second. 
And that catches us up to the present.
“Y-You want me to what?” Jake’s stuttering as you stare at him with your hopeful eyes from across the lunch table. 
Despite the expression planted on your face, which screams your excitement for your “brilliant, amazing, genius, Einstein-could-never” idea (or whatever other words you used to describe it––Jake can’t exactly recall the specific terms you used, they all came out of your mouth too fast), you don’t respond to his question of bafflement. You continue to stare at him, awaiting his response. Jake could compare the look on your face right now to a puppy looking up at its owner, eagerly waiting for a treat. You know, tongue out and all. 
He swallows the lump that’s lodged in this throat (is that the sandwich he’s having, or his nerves?) and continues to give you his look of confusion laced with a nervous smile because surely, you’re joking. 
You grab what’s left of your sandwich from his hands and take your own bite. Somewhere in between you arriving at the table and now, Jake’s managed to steal the sandwich you brought today. You did make the best chicken sandwiches, in his defense. 
“Well? It’s only for the week! And I promise you, after one week, if nothing happens––if he doesn’t make a move or anything––I’ll move on from him like you’ve been telling me to.” Your words are muffled from you savoring your sandwich, or what’s left of it anyways. (Mental note to self: don’t share your lunch with Jake ever again.) 
When Jake still doesn’t respond (you’ve truly gotten this poor boy paralyzed), you find it as a sign to continue. 
“I think it’s the perfect plan. Plus, if it doesn’t work out, it’ll be like the universe is telling me to finally move on, right?” 
Wrong. 
Jake has been encouraging you to move on from your crush because well, if we’re being honest here, he selfishly wants you to himself. Even if it wasn’t romantically.
Preferably, he would kill to get to be the one who holds your hand in the hall, call you cheesy pet names, post disgustingly cute couple pics for the ‘gram––but for the sake of potentially ruining his relationship with you, he’ll just have to settle with the role of being your best friend. 
(And he’s totally fine with that! Totally. Yup.) 
But he didn’t think that you moving on would only be a mere possible outcome (that may not even happen!) from whatever this stunt is you wanna pull. 
Said stunt: Pretend to date one another and hope it catches the eye of a certain someone you have your eye on: Park Sunghoon. 
Ah yes, Park Sunghoon. The previously mentioned one who’s probably still in line waiting to get his lunch as we speak. 
Park Sunghoon, the tall, kind, intelligent, charming young boy that everyone knows. And if anyone didn’t know him, they most definitely knew of him. He wasn’t hard to miss in the halls; everything about him just radiates perfection. 
If you plucked a random high-schooler from the halls of this school and interviewed them on the Park Sunghoon, they’d say you’d be lucky enough if the quiet boy so much as sparked a conversation with you, even if it was about what last night’s chemistry homework was. 
Well if that were true, then you and the rest of the boys would be considered lottery winners. 
How that happened, how the four of you dysfunctional beings earned his friendship, the world may never know. However, Jake is fully convinced that this was the universe’s way of playing a cruel joke on him. 
For as long as Jake could remember, it’s always been just the two of you. You and Jake. Jake and you. (With the exception of Heeseung and Jay, of course, who came along in middle school) 
In fact, your earliest memory of Jake was when he peed his pants in the kindergarten during nap time. You would know, you had the privilege of sharing a sleeping mat with him that one fateful day and in result...let’s just say the smell didn’t wear off from your clothes until a week later. Five-year-old you didn’t forgive five-year-old Jake for the longest time. 
And since then, you’ve been attached by the hip. And Jake liked it like that. Jake didn’t need anyone else in his life (with the exception of Leila) if he had you. He had found his home within you, and he didn’t plan on sharing his space anytime soon. 
Nevertheless, the universe had a completely different idea for the two of you. 
Sunghoon came into the picture last year, towards the end of the school year. Despite being the new kid, he found his way into your cherished friend group and naturally, the five of you grew as close as friends could be. 
That was the problem. Jake wanted to hate Sunghoon, to despise him for being the one that you had heart eyes for, but he couldn’t. 
Not only was Sunghoon one of Jake’s closest friends, but he didn’t want to ruin the dynamic of the friend group. After you, the three chaotic boys were the next most important people in Jake’s life. 
And so, we have the typical love triangle plot that every coming-of-age movie follows. Of course, this is all unbeknownst to you––you may be intelligent and a people-person, but oh boy can you not see the heart eyes your very own best friend has for you. 
“It’ll be easier than you think, really! Look, we can even set boundaries or rules or whatever,” you propose, as if you’re trying to get him to sign a contract. 
Rules to a fake relationship? We’re not living in a Netflix romcom, are we? 
“Okay rule number 1: it’ll only be for a week and a week only, rule number 2: we don’t have to do anything too couple-ly like...” you pause to wonder for a second. 
“Like PDA or anything! You know, unless we really need to convince him,” you casually add. When he responds with radio silence and stares at you with absolute concern painted all over his face, you cough. “Jake, I’m joking.” 
Right. Of course. Obviously. 
“And of course, just try not to fall in love with me, it’ll be hard, I know,” you send a playful wink his way. 
Too late. Turns out it’s not that hard. Jake would know. 
Jake continues to stare at you in hesitation. Yeah, you’ve had your fair share of crazy ideas (that Jake always find himself agreeing to––the poor boy just can’t seem to say no to you), but fake dating you?
Jake is sure he wouldn’t be able to pull it off without slowly destroying himself. He’d just have to say no, he’s sure you can find someone else to do it for you. 
Yes, that’s it, just say no. 
Jake has to keep some of his pride in tact. 
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Jake does not say no. 
He doesn’t know what went wrong. His mind said one thing, but his words said another. 
To be fair, Jake’s actions have always been influenced by his heart, not his brain, anyways. And when it comes to you, you bet it’ll be coming from his heart. 
So here he was now, under the stare of three equally shocked and confused guys across from you and him at the lunch table, your fingers intertwined with his.
Just a few seconds ago, you had spotted the rest of the lunch bunch approaching the table, and you quickly grabbed Jake’s hand and scooted in closer to him.  
Now here you were, explaining to your friends of your sudden relationship.  
Jake is too zoned out to even physically pick up your explanation. Something along the lines of "we’ve been dating for a while but didn’t want to tell you guys yet." From the feeling of your hand clutched tightly into his and your body right up next to him, his mind was short-circuiting. 
How is he supposed to last an entire week of this if he couldn't handle innocent hand holding? Hand holding? God, what are we, back in the fifth grade?  
Two minutes into this scheme and Jake's mind has already downgraded itself to a fifth grader's.  
Jake mentally scolds himself for giving in, this was not a good idea. 
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It takes Jake approximately 12 hours to conclude that this stunt of yours may, actually, be a good idea. He knows this because approximately 12 hours after the events surrounding lunch, he receives a text from you: 
y/n [12:03AM]: thanks again for doing this for me jake
y/n [12:03AM]: ur actually the best
y/n [12:04AM]: ew ok that was cheesy but really i owe u a big one <333
Following your thread of texts is a really close up photo of you widely smiling into the camera. A smile so big, Jake’s convinced your face was probably in pain after taking that picture. 
Anyone else might’ve thought the photo looked borderline insane but because Jake’s Jake, aka a simpᵗᵐ for you, he comes to the conclusion that it’s singlehandedly the cutest thing he’s ever seen in the entire world. 
After quickly saving the selfie into his phone, Jake tells himself that maybe this won’t be a bad thing after all. I mean, anything that makes you smile like that meant it has to be a good idea, right? 
Spoken like a true simp. 
Plus, dating you––fake dating you––is pretty much the same as it was before. He already spends most of his days with you to begin with. Now, it’s just with added displays of affection. For show, obviously. Obviously. 
And look, if Jake will never get to actually be with you, then he’ll take what he can get. And if that meant fake dating you, well, he reasons that it’s better than nothing at all. 
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Wednesday, December 9th 
Jake’s playing with the rings on your right hand and you’re in the middle of dramatically telling the lunch table about the infuriating Karen you had to deal with at work the other day when Jay comes up with a grin you all know a little too well. 
“Okay that grin means one of two things: you finally grew the balls to ask out that poor girl you’ve been teasing all year or you have something planned that we won’t like,” you interrupt your story when you catch Jay’s sly expression, evoking a chuckle from Jake, who’s now found a new distraction with the bracelets perches on your wrist. 
“Excuse you, I’ll have you know that I did ask her out. It just so happens that she’s currently ‘in between boyfriends’ whatever that means. Ouch, by the way,” Jay feigns hurt from your comment by clutching the area above his heart through his shirt. Ever the drama queen. “But yes, I do have something planned. And no, it’s not a bad idea.” 
Jay squeezes his way in between Sunghoon and Heeseung from across you and begins to pull out his own lunch. Everyone’s eyes follow him as he settles in because as bad as his unknown idea may be, you’re all still curious on what this boy has to say. 
“Well are you going to elaborate or...” Heeseung speaks up for everyone after you all mentally debate one another through darting eyes on who’s going to have to bite Jay’s silent bait.
Jay then forcefully sets both hands on his table, which elicits a little jump from you as you go for a bite of your sandwich. Adorable, Jake tells himself. 
“My parents are out of town this weekend. We all know what that means...” 
Yes. We do know what that means. The four of you have seen this scenario play out many times, a little too many times for your own good. 
This meant one of Jay’s infamous house parties that he always throws whenever his parents go out of town. And because his parents are hot-shot CEOs of an important company whose name you don’t remember (it’s nothing personal, your brain can only handle so much information and this physics exam you were studying for took up 90% of your brain capacity at the moment), they’re out of town often. 
And along with Jay’s parties comes chaos. Lots of it. And that’s because...well, it’s safe to say that despite the many school-wide presentations the police officers of your school have held in the auditorium on why you shouldn’t drink underage, Jay’s parents’ liquor cabinet always seems to find itself missing many a few bottles after each party. But we don’t talk about that. Shush. 
Almost simultaneously, everyone at the table lets out a groan, much to Jay’s disappointment. 
“C’mon guys! It’s been a while since anything’s fun happened to this school, think of all the sad students in that building right now,” he extends a finger whole-ass arm and points at your school, “who are in dire need of fun and a little...” he punctuates his sentence with the hand motion of chugging down a drink, followed with a gulping sound elicited from his tongue clicking. 
You roll your eyes along with everyone else. Don’t be like Jay, kids. Listen to those police officers. 
“Jay, it’s midterm season! I have an exam on Monday and I definitely do not want to spend the nights before wasted,” you give him an apologetic look. As crazy as Jay is, you do feel bad nonetheless. The boy just wants to have fun. 
Your response is followed up with similar comments from around the table. 
“I’m helping y/n study” 
“I have an important skating performance on Sunday” 
“Uh...my hamster died?” (ok Heeseung panicked, don’t blame the guy)
Ignoring that last excuse of an excuse, Jay continues his debate nonetheless. “Just come for the sake of it! No one’s saying you have to get wasted. Pleaseeee for me?” 
Jay throws these parties so often, you’re not sure why he’s so set on making sure you’re all going to be there. Well, I guess who wouldn’t want their closest friends to be at their own party? 
That and, Jay needs to make sure his friends are there to stop him from doing anything stupid. We all know this boy has had enough embarrassing moments to last him a lifetime. 
Everyone at the table gives each other the same hesitant look. Heeseung is the first to give in, “Oh fuck it. Sure, count me in.” 
Jay’s fist pumping the air before turning to Sunghoon with the most hopeful eyes. 
Sunghoon simply sighs in return. “Alright okay, I’ll bite. But if you vomit on my shoes again, I’m out the door.” Jay’s finger is automatically drawing a cross over his heart as a promise to not ruin Sunghoon’s Nikes again. 
He then looks to you with puppy eyes. 
You, who's already staring back at Jay with a stoic look in your eyes, are stubborn and (unlike the previous weaklings) are not as easy to convince. And somehow, this began an unannounced staring contest between the two of you, a contest to see who would budge first. This isn't an uncommon occurrence between you and Jay, but the rest of the boys are still on the edges of their seats watching this duel.
Jake casually wraps an arm around your shoulder and you’re brought in close, but still undeterred from your death-stare match with the boy across from you. 
If it’s not obvious enough, Jake’s really gotten into his role of being your boyfriend, despite it only being 24 hours since he last froze at your touch. Character development, you’ll give him that. 
You almost forget he’s faking it for a quick second. And for an even quicker second, you imagine he wasn’t faking it. And you swear you feel butterflies in your stomach at that thought. 
Weird. 
You mentally shake the thought out of your head. Priorities first, aka, beating Jay in this staring contest. 
“Fuck,” you stutter when you finally blink, admitting defeat to a grinning Jay. “Okay, okay, I’ll THINK about it. I’ll let you know.” 
Not exactly the answer Jay was looking for, but he’ll take it. Better than a no. 
He turns to Jake next, knowing there’s no way Jake will turn down a party. Just like Jay, the boy loves himself a good party. 
But–
But because Jake would take your physics exam this Monday for you if you asked, because Jake would bungee jump in the Grand Canyon without a safety net below him if you asked, because Jake would fake date you to make your crush jealous for you if you asked, he doesn’t hesitate in his answer this time around: “Same as y/n, I’ll let you know.” 
Jay looks at Jake. Then back at you, who he’s still clinging onto like a koala to a tree. Then back at Jake. “You two are gross. Admittedly cute. But gross.” 
You look up at the boy next to you to see him already grinning at you. 
For the first time today, you find yourself agreeing with Jay. 
Admittedly cute. 
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Thursday, December 10th 
You are having a bad day. 
You’re having the mother of bad days. 
Not only is it midterm season, but you still have all your regular weekly assignments to finish before Friday hits. So as a natural-born procrastinator does, you stayed up all last night trying to get a good amount of work done because what’s better than cramming all your work the night before it’s due? Doing it two nights before it’s due. 
Well apparently it wasn’t such a good idea. Because now, here you were, frantically throwing on whatever articles of clothing you find nearest to you because you slept through all your alarms. 
You’re lucky enough to make it through your school’s doors right as the second bell rings, even if you did look like you just walked straight out of a zombie apocalypse. 
You’re not so lucky when you find out your first class of the day, calculus, had a pop quiz. A pop quiz on the only unit you just happened to know absolutely nothing about. 
To top things off, you forgot to pack your lunch during this morning’s frenzy, meaning you’re automatically stuck sharing with Jake.
And because his mother started making him pack his own food out of a lesson of responsibility (she said something along the lines of: “Jake, you’re about to be in college and you don’t know how to pack a decent meal”), he only has a plain PB&J sandwich and a pack of Scooby-Doo gummies in his bag today (because newsflash, he still doesn’t know how to pack a decent meal). 
Not that you could care less at the moment, you were too preoccupied with catching up on your assignments to even eat. And if any of the boys noticed your zombie-like state during lunch, they did a good job of not mentioning it. They knew better than to bother an irritated y/n. 
Somehow, you make it through the entire school day and your after-school meeting for environmental club (save the trees!) in one piece. As you finally walk out of the school building, you exhale, automatically feeling lighter. At least the hard part of your day was done. 
Now you just had to wait for Jake to finish soccer practice, which usually ended around the same time as your club, and he can drive you home, where you can continue being irritated with your day in the privacy of your own space. 
You wait on the steps of the school’s entrance, waiting for a smiley Jake to come around the corner as he usually does at 5:30pm every Thursdays. 
Yes, a smiling Jake is exactly what you needed to make your day ten times better, you conclude. 
As if on cue, you hear a ding from your phone. 
Jake [5:30PM]: ugh coach is extending practice for “team bonding” 
Jake [5:30PM]: idek what team bonding is 
Jake [5:31PM]: you ok if i cant drive you today? :// 
It’s as if the universe decided to use you as its punching bag today. 
You physically let out a distorted groan, not caring if anyone who happened to hear you thought you were a creature from out of this world, as you send him a text back.
y/n [5:32PM]: it’s all good lol have fun with tEaM bOnDiNg
Things were not all good. But no matter how upset you may be, you weren’t going to project your negative vibes onto Jake’s naturally positive ones. So you get up from the stone steps and begin your dreaded walk back home. 
It’s freezing out. You should’ve known better to just throw on a hoodie and call it a day when it’s the middle of December. But then again, you figured by now you’d be in the comfort and warmth of Jake’s car and presence...not walking home in these freezing temperatures. 
You think about Jake and how he’s probably currently suffering from not only his team bonding exercises (but really though, what are team bonding exercises?), but doing them in this weather as well. The poor boy. 
You’re quickly broken out of your thoughts by the sound of a car engine from behind you. When you don’t see it pass by you and instead hear it pull over and park next to the curb of the sidewalk you’re currently on, you automatically deduce that this is it, this is my time, I’m about to get kidnapped by whoever it is behind me but y/n, you should probably turn around and check first before you drive yourself insane in this inner dialogue. 
You turn around and squint into the front window of the car. If it were a kidnapper, this is exactly what your mother told you not to do. Her exact words were: “Run, don’t look back, and scream bloody murder.” 
Good thing it wasn’t. Just an innocent Sunghoon waving his hand at you, motioning you to get in. 
“Sunghoon?” You approach his car and stop at the passenger side’s open window. 
“y/n! It’s freezing out, I’ll drive you home c’mon,” he nods his head towards the passenger side door. 
Well, how could you say no? Sunghoon owns a nice car. Like a nice car. Like car-seat-heaters-that-make-you-feel-like-you’re-physically-melting nice. Beats getting hypothermia outside, right? 
“Why are you going home from school so late?” You ask as you settle into his car, instantly melting at the touch of the aforementioned heated seats. 
“Debate club, actually. Decided I needed another personality trait other than ice skating,” he starts the engine and begins driving towards the direction of your neighborhood. 
You laugh at his comment, you didn’t peg him as a debate kind of student. Quiet Sunghoon? Debate club? If 2 plus 2 is four...
“Hey, I don’t call you the Ice Prince for nothing! Also, don’t forget your other personality trait: forgetting your lunch every day.” 
Sunghoon quickly glances over at you to send you a dirty look (because eyes on the road, kids!), which you return with a cheeky grin. “Need I remind you that was you today?” 
“Touché,” you click your tongue. 
The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, the faint sound of Sunghoon's music in the background filling in the quietness.  
You’re humming along until Sunghoon breaks the silence, “Did Jake get stuck at practice again?” 
You don’t know why, but you swear you feel your heart beat faster at the mention of Jake’s name. No, that was always there right? Because you were with Sunghoon...your crush..obviously. Obviously. 
Ignoring the feeling, you turn your attention towards the boy driving you. 
“Oh yeah, something about team bonding. How’d you know?” 
“Eh, I just figured since he wasn’t driving you home like he always does.” He turns into your neighborhood. 
You nod at his answer. 
“You two make a good couple.” 
You whip your head at him. Did you hear him correctly?
“It was about time, really. You two have been ogling at one another for so long, Heeseung, Jay, and I almost placed bets on who would be the first to make a move.” 
He keeps his eyes on the road, casually going on about how you and Jake make the cutest couple he’s ever seen. 
You're frozen, unsure of what to think, let alone say. 
You think to two days ago, when you started this entire fake relationship because of the very boy driving you home right now. The same boy who's complimenting you on your fake relationship. The same boy who's supposed to be jealous over that said relationship. The same boy you’re supposed to be crushing over.
But now...only a mere 48 hours later, you were finding yourself okay with the fact that he was happy for you. And for the life of you, you couldn’t remember why you liked Sunghoon in the first place. Not saying he isn’t one to be crushed on, I mean, look at the guy. 
Maybe, just maybe, it had something to do with the fact that you didn't feel nervous or giddy or..anything at all when you got into the car with Sunghoon. At least, not until Jake's name was mentioned. That's when you felt the butterflies. At the mention of Jake.  
Jake. 
Weird. 
But before you can come to a conclusion on why you're feeling the way you do, Sunghoon interrupts your thoughts.  
"Well, we're here! Say hi to your parents for me," he pulls into your driveway as you're still collecting your thoughts.  
You give him a quick thanks and one last wave as you enter the front doors of your house.  
Seeing that your only solution towards confusing feelings meant distracting yourself, distract yourself you did.  
Even if it meant distracting yourself with your piling assignments.  
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The next time you look up from your work, it's suddenly way past sundown and a heavy storm has taken over. You’re surprised it hasn’t started flooding yet with the amount of rainfall you were hearing. 
You check the time on your phone, the bright 8:16PM on the screen illuminating your dimly lit room. Seeing that neither of your parents have yet to be home from work, it looks like you were going to have to settle with some instant ramen for dinner tonight.  
As you trudge down the stairs of your home, the sound of light knocking against the front door catches your attention. It's been a long day y/n, you're probably hearing things, it's definitely just the rain.
Nope. There it is again, but much louder. Much more urgent.  
You contemplate any and all potential disasters that could happen from answering the door. Only a crazy person would be willing to go out in this hurricane-like weather to be frantically knocking on your door.  
And so, you assume it has to be some psychopath trying to get into your house. Yes, there’s definitely no other logical explanation. 
You scramble around your living room, looking for the next best weapon to defend you. Resorting to the flower vase your mother keeps on the table next to the front door, you hold it out in front of you, as if you're waiting for the door to burst open.  
The knocking continues, gradually getting louder. You mentally curse at yourself for dropping out of the taekwondo class your dad signed you up for when you were younger.  
Vase in hand, you swing open the door and brace for–
"Jake? What the fuck? Get in here, you're gonna get sick!"  
You’re suddenly aware of how stupid you look, holding a light pink vase with a couple of orchids as your only form of self-defense...for it to only be your own best friend. You immediately put it back on the table as Jake quickly rushes past you and into your humble abode.  
You close the door behind you and turn to face the soaked boy.  
“I come bearing gifts, also known as take-out and hot chocolate from that one cafe you love. Also my company, if you’ll take it. I had a feeling you weren’t having the best day today,” he’s simply standing there, holding up a large brown paper bag in one hand, and a deliciously smelling cup of hot chocolate in the other, but you’re looking at him as if he bought you the Moon. 
You stare in awe at the angel of a boy in front of you, silently thanking the stars for gifting you this amazing human being as your best friend. You don’t know what you did to deserve him. 
You give him a soft smile. “Jake, you didn’t have to. It’s practically a shitstorm out there,” you cock your head towards the window, showcasing the downpour of cats and dogs outside. Jake stays by the entrance as you go down the hall and through your house’s linen closet to find a spare towel for the drenched boy.
“Nah it’s no big deal, really. Just fulfilling my duties as your loyal boyfriend,” he grins, even though you can’t see him. He likes calling himself that. Your boyfriend.
Jake continues to shake his messy hair to get the excess rain off, giving a mental apology to whoever is going to have to mop up the puddle forming on the floor due to his unannounced visit. Probably you. 
Jake hears you laugh down the hall. “You’re really invested in your role, huh? Keep this up and you might actually trick me into believing you’re my actual boyfriend.” 
Actual boyfriend? Jake likes the sound of that. Maybe he will keep this up then.
Jake doesn’t have much experience in acting, unless you count that time he played the role of Town Villager #3 in the third grade play, so he never found it as one of his interests. But playing the role of your boyfriend was one he was willing to fulfill for the rest of life, even if it was just for show. 
Jake doesn’t respond to your comment, he’s instead self-aware of his blushing cheeks, thankful that you’re too busy rummaging through your linen closet to take notice. 
“Plus, you didn’t have lunch today and I had feeling you were going to be too caught up in your work to feed yourself anything other than instant ramen,” he sets down his gifts to you on your living room’s coffee table as you come around the corner, fresh towel and new set of clothes in hand. 
His eyes fall on the familiar looking pair of sweatpants and hoodie resting on the palms of your hands. 
Hm. A little too familiar. 
Then, it clicks in his head. 
His eyes narrow at you as you giggle at his reaction, “Oh, so it takes me getting drenched in the rain for you to finally return my clothes that I’ve been missing!?” 
“Hey! I’m not returning them, simply loaning them out to a friend who’s in dire need. You basically gifted them to me the second you left them here months ago.” 
“You’re annoying.” 
“Love you too,” you toss the clothes at him and take a seat on the floor around your coffee table, prepping the table with the boxes of Chinese food Jake supplied. 
After Jake changes into the stolen dry clothes, he takes a seat next to an already-eating you at the coffee table. 
“You. are. my lord and savior Sim Jaeyun,” you’re saying with your mouth full of fried rice. You sigh from satisfaction and rest your head against Jake’s shoulder as you continue chewing. He grins as he helps himself to his own serving of fried rice and orange chicken. 
You look up at him from your spot, “How was team bonding today?” 
Jake groans in response, clearly annoyed. “Stupid. I don’t get how doing trust falls and pyramid building is going to get us any closer. If anything, I almost FELL off that pyramid today!” 
You don’t know why, but you find yourself admiring him and his soft features as he continues to rant about one of his teammates, specifically, the one who almost dropped him. 
The way his messy hair, unkept from the rain ruining it, almost covers his eyes (but you tell yourself you like it this way, it looks more natural on him), the way the corners of his lips are always perked upwards (even when he’s ranting), the way his eyes sparkle whenever he’s truly passionate about whatever he’s talking about, the way his eyes look at you like–
“Stare much? Look, I get you can’t resist my good looks but at least be subtle about it,” he smirks at you as he takes another spoon of rice. 
You break out of his trance and scoff at him. 
“You’re cute when you rant,” you nonchalantly say as you move from your spot to mirror his actions and add more rice to your plate as well.  Jake’s stills at your sudden comment, unsure of how to respond. Lucky for him, you’re distracted by the mountain of food on your plate to even notice the blushing mess of a boy next to you. 
“You know, you’re lucky you’re cute. Or else I’d deck you right here and now for ditching me after school today.” 
Anddd there goes the moment. Leave it to you to follow up a compliment with a threat of violence. 
Jake finds it cute anyways. He always finds you cute. 
Jake narrows his eyes and lightly shoves you before an apology is written all over his face. “Sorry about that by the way. I feel awful about making you walk home when it was freezing out.” 
“Nah, it’s okay. Sunghoon gave me a ride, actually. Did you know he does debate? I guess you learn something new everyday,” you ramble, unaware of the boy next to you getting tense at the sudden mention of the other’s name. 
Up until now, Jake’s completely forgotten about Sunghoon's involvement in this entire scheme. In fact, the past 48 hours with you have felt so normal, so comfortable, he almost forgot about the deal in the first place.   “You think he has any clue?” Jake suddenly asks, referring to the plan. 
You immediately know what he’s referring to, as Jake practically worded out your very own thoughts. 
You shrug. “Not a single one. We’re practically William and Kate in his eyes. But honestly, that’s the least of my worries right now. I’m too distracted by my exams right now to care.” 
Jake feels guilty for being satisfied with your answer. He’s 100% sure that if convincing Sunghoon took you two an entire lifetime of fake dating, he’d be all too willing to do it. 
“Go to Jay’s party with me tomorrow,” he abruptly says, catching your attention as your mouth is stuffed. Cute. 
He pokes your cheek. “It’ll get your mind off of work and plus, what’s more convincing than showing up to a party with your amazing boyfriend?” he wiggles his eyebrows at you. Jake doesn’t know where he gets his sudden surge of confidence. But he does know he loves calling himself your boyfriend...even if it’s for the time being. 
Rolling your eyes and swatting his poking fingers away from your face, you ponder on his suggestion. 
“You mean my annoying boyfriend,” you stick your tongue out at him. Jake takes a mental picture and hopes it never leaves his mind. 
“But I guess you could be right. Maybe I can clear my head for the night before I study my ass off all weekend.” 
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Friday, December 11th 
The party does not clear your mind. 
If anything, it gives you enough headaches to last you at least until the end of high-school. 
You come to this revelation as you and Jake approach Jay’s home, a luxurious mansion sitting at the end of a cul-de-sac, lined with similarly luxurious palaces, located in an equally luxurious neighborhood. 
You come to this revelation when you can already feel the pounding bass of music as you walk up Jay’s driveway. 
You come to this revelation when, not even two seconds after entering Jay’s front doors––
“You’re here!” A buzzed Jay shouts at the two of you, causing the both of you to contemplate your past choices that brought you here today. Jay definitely isn’t straight up drunk yet, but Jake still makes a mental note to keep an eye on him tonight. Just in case. 
The blonde-haired boy is quick to hand over two red solo cups of god knows what, to which you and Jake immediately put down on the nearest table after Jay walks away to greet the next incoming guests (you know, to not hurt his feelings). 
You and Jake are lucky enough to have been around Jay and his parties long enough to know that going all out at these parties will not be pretty the next morning.
You cringe at the memory of last year, when you had to suffer from possibly the worst hangover of all hangovers after one of Jay’s parties. Jake will never let you forget how miserable you looked the next morning. His camera roll’s album titled “y/n blackmail pics” can vouch for that.
“Remind me again to never listen to you,” you almost have to shout at Jake over the thumping music. Jake laughs at your comment and tugs at your hand as he begins entering the house.
The two of you do your rounds of greetings to the people you know...and random underclassmen who you swear you have never seen before but somehow made it to this party. You’ve always questioned how Jay’s invite list worked. Maybe there isn’t one. That would explain how it looked like someone announced Jay was giving out free Teslas and the entire school got hold of the news. 
“Thank god you guys are here,” you hear a voice come from behind the two of you as you guys leave the main room to enter the house’s smaller, but just as luxurious looking, den. You turn to see Heeseung with Sunghoon following closely behind, trying his best not to get swept away in the crowd of people. 
The den is where you usually stayed during these parties. It’s not like there are rules of where people are allowed to party, by any means, but it’s like how a high-school’s cafeteria worked. There’s a mutual silent agreement of where everyone goes, and the den is where the party host and his friends went.  
“Okay, is it just me, or is tonight’s party just a little...too..much?” Sunghoon asks as the four of you take your seats on the main couch of the room. Jake’s quick to make space for you next to him as you go to sit, but to his surprise, you find your home right on his lap. 
“You said be convincing right?” you say into his ear as you settle yourself. Right. That’s totally why. Because you had to go along with the ruse. Obviously. 
You shift a bit so you’re more facing sideways, not blocking off Jake’s line of vision as the boy himself is..well, calling him a rag doll might be excessive. 
But he’s sure he looks like one right now, having lost all senses in his limbs, leaving him frozen underneath you. 
Jake Sim is the epitome of politeness. He was raised in a family that taught him how to respectfully greet others, how to always offer food to others before eating it himself, how to properly treat a significant other. As a result, Jake grew up to be one of the sweetest, kindest, purest people to ever walk this earth. 
(Relatively speaking, the earth is large, but so is Jake’s heart.) 
But human-beings aren’t perfect, they must have a balance. A balance of pros and cons. 
Sure, he can’t pack his own lunch and sometimes forgets to water the little succulent you gifted him that’s currently seated on his window sill. Sure, sometimes he’s too sweet for his own good, you know, like willing-to-be-your-fake-boyfriend too sweet. But aside from the minor details, Jake Sim doesn’t have many cons, no. 
But he sure can be awkward. 
And so because Jake Sim is sweet, kind, pure, and awkward, he is unsure of what to do with himself when you’re seated right on top of him. 
As if you could read his befuddled mind, you take his arm that’s resting behind you to wrap around your waist as your support as you throw one of your arms around his shoulder. And throughout this entire adjustment, his widened eyes are staring right at you. 
Bless this pure, pure boy. 
Also bless the position you’re in, blocking the two other boys from directly seeing Jake’s face. Because if they were to catch glimpse of Jake’s expression right now, your cover might be blown, just like that. You’re lucky Heeseung and Sunghoon are distracted by another classmate who came up to them. 
“Relax,” you sweetly laugh, cupping his chin with your free hand and lightly squeezing his cheeks. “You’re so adorably awkward.” 
Jake pouts at you. “I am not awkward!” 
“Right, and I’m totally dating you for real,” you playfully whisper at him, eliciting a poke at your waist in response. 
Twenty minutes of people-watching-aka-“who do you think is gonna pass out first?”-from-your-spot-on-the-couch later, the four of you draw your attention to the rowdy party host you all have the honor of calling your friend––aka Jay––dancing (that is, if you call wildly swinging your limbs in all four directions dancing) in the middle of the den. 
"Oh god, look at him," Sunghoon voices from besides you.
Heeseung's already filming the moment on his phone. Ah yes, technology. The best thing to ever happen to drunk teens' friends.  
"He's so wasted," you throw your head back as you let out a laugh. “We should help the kid out.” 
Poor Jay. He's not gonna hear the end of it after tonight.
"I don't know why he thinks these parties are such a good idea when he knows how trashed he's gonna be when he wakes up," Jake says, his hand naturally squeezing your waist as you giggle at his comment. "And how trashed the house will be."  
Jay slumbers over to where the four of you are seated, and abruptly stops right in front of the couch.
"My best friends!" Jay happily cheers. “Having fun?” 
“Watching you? Always,” you say to the boy who’s squeezing into a seat between you and Sunghoon, as if the small couch wasn’t already suffocating enough (and that’s with you on Jake’s lap). 
“But for real though, you should probably lay off the drinks for now,” Heeseung insists. “For all our sakes.” 
Sunghoon nods along and grabs the cup Jay’s currently nursing and sets it down where it’s out of Jay’s reach, much to his dismay. But the disappointment quickly leaves the dazed boy’s head, as his attention is now directed towards you and Jake. 
“Well if it isn’t mom and dad,” Jay turns to face you and Jake, certainly amused by your seating arrangement. 
“You know–” Jay points a finger at the two of you. “For a couple that’s certainly close, I haven’t seen you two kiss.” 
Jake is immediately coughing, certainly not expecting that to come out of his friend’s mouth. 
“Okay and your point is?” Jake frowns at Jay. If Jay wasn’t tipsy, Jake would’ve smacked the back of his head by now. 
“I’m just saying...” the blonde responds, both hands up in the air as if Jake is accusing him of something, when in was, in fact, the opposite. “But nevermind, Jakey boy here is probably too innocent for such nonsense anyways.” 
Yes, it’s confirmed. Once Jay sobers up tomorrow, Jake is driving over to his house (even though it’s a good ten minute drive from his own) just to smack him. 
“What do you mean I’m too–” 
Jake doesn’t finish his sentence. In fact, Jake doesn’t even remember what he was going to say. 
Jake doesn’t think nor feel anything else other than your lips planted on his. 
You’re pulling him in close, your hands cupping his face as his own are twitching on your waist, his mind flustered. You move your hands from his face to his neck, to which Jake immediately relaxes at. 
Sure, you two are in the middle of a dumb high-school party, one filled with pounding music and shouting teenagers, but right now, in this moment, Jake can only feel you. And he doesn’t want the feeling to ever stop. 
When you part, Jake’s eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips, his own parted in shock. He thinks he might pass out right here and now. He thinks his heart might explode right here and now. He thinks he might lov-
“Happy?” you turn to a satisfied Jay, ignoring the looks of amusement from Heesung and Sunghoon besides him. 
“Well,” you pat Jake’s leg as you get up from your spot. “I’m gonna get us some drinks. Punch only, of course.” 
Jake’s eyes are on you as you walk away, his face tinted pink from the adrenaline of it all, his heart racing. 
Jake thinks back to three days ago, when he told himself that this idea of yours was going to be all fine. After all, it was only going to be for one week. Afterwards, he can move on with his life as if nothing happened. 
But fast forward 72 hours later, 72 hours after you and Jake started this act, 72 hours after Jake told himself it’ll be all fine, Jake knows he was poorly mistaken.
Because 72 hours later, in the middle of a party that reeked of the combined smell of alcohol and sweat, Jake knows one thing and one thing for sure.
He never wants to move on from the feeling of being with you. He never wants to move on from this.
From you. 
He’s screwed. 
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Saturday, December 12th 
When Jake wakes up, much later than he intended to, on Saturday morning, the first sensation he feels are his tingling lips, still in disbelief that they graced your own last night. 
The second sensation being his pounding mind––it’s running through ten million thoughts at a time, telling him no last night wasn’t a dream. 
Third: his heart beating so fast at the thought of you, he thinks he might beat out of his chest.
And fourth, a buzzing noise. 
Jake blindly flounders his arm to the table beside him in hopes of finding the origin of the annoying sound, aka, his phone. 
After knocking down multiple miscellaneous items on his nightstand (he makes a mental note to clean his room later), he successfully retrieves the item of search. 
Jake squints at the bright screen, mind still cloudy from a mix of 1) being half-asleep, and 2) still processing what happened the night before. 
y/n [11:10AM]: r u awake yet? 
y/n [11:22AM]: imma take that as a no
y/n [11:35AM]: lemme know when ur up 
jake [11:44AM]: just woke up sorry 
jake [11:44AM]: are you okay? what’s up
y/n [11:45AM]: r u busy? 
y/n [11:45AM]: kinda wanted to talk abt smth
jake [11:45AM]: uh well no im still in bed lmao
y/n [11:46AM]: cool im outside your door 
Jake’s eyes widen as he processes your last few texts. 
Talk? Outside his door? 
Jake’s heart is nervously pounding as jumps out of bed and quickly puts on the first plaid flannel he finds. He scrambles to his mirror and gives his reflection a quick run-down. 
He’s sporting your his favorite hoodie underneath the flannel that’s long overdue a wash and his tousled hair has seen better days, but he couldn't care less. 
Before his mind can catch up to his actions, he’s rushing down the stairs, skipping two at a time and to this front door. Because he didn’t want to keep you waiting? Because he was too excited to see you? Maybe a mix of both. Definitely more of the latter, however. 
He quickly runs a hand through his hair to try to fix it up as much as he can, to no avail, before opening the door to reveal you, sitting on the steps of his front porch. 
“y/n,” he’s breathing heavily as you turn to greet him with your sweet smile he didn’t even realize he was missing. Is it possible to miss someone overnight? Jake concludes yes, it definitely is. 
“Did you run down here or something?,” you question his out-of-breath state, a teasing tone laces the tip of your tongue. 
“Or something,” Jake mutters as he closes the front door behind him to join you on the steps when you make no sign of moving. “Have you been out here all morning?” 
“Not allll morning. I had a feeling you’d sleep in so I came around the time I first texted you. Would’ve knocked but didn’t wanna bother your family,” you hum, keeping your eyes trained on the peaceful scenery around you. 
You’ve always loved Jake’s neighborhood, it brought you a sense of peace, a sense of home. 
Or was that because it reminded you of Jake? 
“You could never be a bother,” he quickly rebuttals as he takes his seat next to you on the steps. 
You respond with a soft smile before turning your attention back to anything other than the boy next to you. Your mind seems to be lost in its own thoughts, Jake can tell by the distant look in your eyes. 
The sound of birds chirping in the distance fills the silence that falls between the two of you. 
Any other day, Jake would love this. He savors every second he’s with you, even if it’s just pure silence. 
But this silence was different. It wasn’t the usual comforting, warm silence that the two of you share on a typical day. This one held tension, tension so thick that Jake doesn’t know where to begin thinking. 
But here’s the thing. Jake doesn’t think. 
Not when it comes to you. 
He takes a deep breath. Rubs his hands together. Pats them on his lap. Turns towards you. 
“Look, I-” 
“I think I might like you.” The words come out of your mouth so fast, Jake’s positive he heard you wrong the first time around. 
He whips his head to meet your eyes, your own already staring back at him, your bottom lip nervously tucked under your teeth. 
“No, I––I do. I know I do. I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you and I don’t think I’m doing a very good job right now,” the words are all of the sudden tumbling out of your mouth as if your brain flipped a switch and isn’t able to turn it off. “In hindsight, I should’ve known better to fake date my own best friend. But these past few days made me realize how much I love being with you. And not like how I’m always with you 24/7 before this entire thing started, but being with you. I even started getting that weird, bubbly feeling in my stomach every time I so much as heard your name. And then last night at the party, I realized afterwards that I wouldn’t have kissed you if some part of me didn’t see you in that way. Even if it meant Jay would’ve been on our asses all night if I didn’t. So yeah.” 
You finish with a deep breath and look up at him to meet his widened eyes. Silence.
Jake thought he was braindead during last week’s history quiz. Jake thought he was braindead when he had to cram a semester’s worth of chemistry content the night before his exam. Heck, Jake thought he was braindead when you first told him about your idea of a fake dating him. But no, this is braindead.
He’s finally hearing what he’s been dreaming of for so long, and of all times, now his brain decides to shut off.  
“Are you..uh..are you gonna say anything?” You’re nervously fumbling with your hands, desperate to distract yourself with anything else apart from his silent stare. 
"Why are you sorry?" Jake says before his mind can think of anything else. He doesn't pay attention to his thumping heart that's one look-from-you away from exploding right then and there. "You didn't do anything wrong. If anything, you took the words right out of my mouth.” 
Now you're staring at him with the wide eyes, the words processing in your mind.
Jake realizes he's waited too long to do this. A few years too long. He also realizes he shouldn't have put on that extra layer of a flannel. The nervous tension created by the two of you was suffocating enough, and being outside under the bright sun didn’t help. 
"I like you too. God y/n, I like you too so much," Jake doesn't even care if his words are all sorts of messed up right now. He just needs you to get the idea. "I have for a while now.” 
You let out a relieved sigh, ecstasy rushing through your blood. “Really? I think I have for a while too. I’m so stupid, it took me so long to realize it. It didn’t hit me until I realized how I felt around you, compared to the guy I’m supposed to actually have a crush on.” 
Jake lets out a laugh, the tension immediately dissolving. “Hey, if it wasn’t for Sunghoon, I don’t think we’d be here right now.” 
“You’re right, I’m too oblivious and you’re too awkward to actually make a move,” you wink at him. If his heart wasn’t fluttering at the sight of you, on his porch on a Saturday morning, confessing your feelings to him, Jake probably would’ve lightly shoved you away. 
Instead, he’s turning to you with the most endeared look on his face, and you’re blushing underneath his gaze.
“What? Stare much?” You giggle, quoting the boy himself as you shyly duck your head to avoid his stare. 
Jake gently grabs your chin to tilt your face towards his, and before you can process what’s happening, he suddenly meets your lips with his own, closing the gap between you two. 
Jake thinks if the ground underneath him right now decided to open up and swallow him whole, he’d die happily. 
Jake smiles against you, feeling comfort in ways he’ll never be able to achieve without you. 
Your hands instinctively find their way into his hair, as one of his rests below your ear, thumb softly caressing your cheek, the other pulling you in by the waist. He’s naturally leaning into you, gravitating towards your warmth, unable to stop the giddy feeling bubbling in his stomach. 
He doesn’t think the feeling will ever go away. 
When you pull away to catch your breath, you rest your head against the nook of his neck, basking in his presence as his arms both find their way around your waist. You sigh in pleasure. 
“Remember at the beginning of all of this, when you told me ‘Just try not to fall in love with me?’” Jake gently says. Jake feels the slight nod you give against his shoulder as you hum in response. 
Jake whispers two more words into your ear, filling you with happiness and warmth you know you won’t be able to find through anyone––or anything––else. 
“Too late.” 
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✰ if you made it ‘til the end, ily :’))))) 
2K notes · View notes
childishfluff · 4 years ago
Text
The Feeling Of Family- A MCYT Agere/CGLRE fic (Regressors!SBI+Tubbo and Ranboo, Carer!Philza)
There was a very specific feeling that came to Ranboo when he met up with his internet friends. A weirdly comforting feeling, a reassurance that he had finally found his people.
It came to him with every hug from Tubbo, every teasing ruffle of his hair from Techno, every inappropriate joke he shared with Tommy. It clouded his mind every time he regressed with them, too, he didn't quite know how to describe it. But if he had to put a name to this odd emotion, he'd call it 'the feeling of family'.
A/N: get ready for a looooong ride. This was written over the course of two days, I really hope you guys like it! I haven't dropped a fic thats over 4000 words in a bit, I think. This is inspired loosely by Cypherr's (on ao3!!) fic 'four's a family', that's where I got the idea of Phil just being overwhelmed because there's so many babies to deal w/, so I'm crediting them! Though, this fic is much different then their's, but also please go read their fics they're great- anyways, I hope you enjoy! This fic is kinda (?) in Ranboo's pov (third person but like,,,you see his thoughts), but there's so much going on that it kinda feels like it's jumping around? Sorry for that, I'm used to writing w/a 2 littles max per caregiver ratio, so this was different. I've also never written Phil as a caregiver before besides his brief appearance over in my 'Mister Nook' series. okay I'm done rambling,,,enjoy the fic please!
--
There was a very specific feeling that came to him when he met up with his friends. A weirdly comforting feeling, a reassurance that he had finally found his people.
In an internet dad, a fellow faceless streamer who used a pig as his icon, a song writer, a bee-loving teenager, and another who was known for wearing red and white. He felt just a bit out of place in this dynamic, SBI were the ones that were close. SBI plus Tubbo wasn't an odd pairing either, and it almost seemed as if Ranboo was only there because Tubbo was.
But that doubt seemed to wash away with the welcoming energy that the car ride to Phil and Kristin's home was filled to the very brim with. Tommy and Wilbur arguing like brothers while Ranboo and Tubbo joked about. The half-joking stern look that Phil gave him through the rear view mirror when he made an inappropriate joke. The soft feeling that Techno teasingly ruffling his hair left in his chest.
This group felt like family.
Of course, he had a perfectly good set of parents back home, but this was different. In a good way, though. This home wasn't his, it was Phil's, but he was surprisingly comfortable here. He was comfortable with his close friends.
"Breakfast is ready!"
He jolted awake with a slight shock when he heard knocking and shouting outside of the door of the room he was staying in, the noise startling him from his sleep. He rubbed at his eyes and stretched his arms above his head as the sleepiness started fading from his mind, clocking the voice as Tommy's as he processed his surroundings. It was his second day at the Philza Minecraft's, the first being made up of mostly content creation.
They had all been shown to their respective guest rooms late last night after quite a few movies and a half-asleep conversation full of laughing and heartfelt emotions. Today was supposed to be a chill day, and the next they'd be exploring the area just around Phil and Kristen's home. It was Ranboo's second time in the UK, and just like last time, he wanted to explore and get a feel for the place he'd be temporarily living in.
He fished some clothes out of his suitcase, pulling them on and discarding his pajamas in a white laundry hamper he had been given for that exact purpose. Then, he sat on the bed, pulling out his phone and scrolling through it. He chuckled as he saw a picture of their entire group with a fan they had run into the day prior, just after he was picked up from the airport, remembering how many similar ones had been taken during his last meet up.
He thought back to the months he spent at Tubbo's house just a while ago, it was one of the funnest parts of his life if he was honest, and now he was right back in the UK for another long meet up. This one was supposed to be a month, at least. SBI and the Bee Duo all under one roof for an entire month! Twitter had freaked out completely when they heard of this arrangement.
During his last trip to the UK, he found out something interesting after revealing something about himself to Tubbo. He admitted to his habit of age regressing to his friend during a late night conversation, only to be met with a 'me too' and then being asked if he wanted to call some friends. This response had confused him, but he said agreed, figuring that there had to be some logic to this.
And after an hour long conversation with Techno, Tommy, Wilbur, and Phil, he learned about an ongoing secret dynamic between the group. Tommy, Tubbo, Phil, and Wilbur were all also regressors. This was a lot of information to process at around 6 am during an all-nighter, but he was glad to know he wasn't alone.
Almost immediately after finding out about his headspace, Phil insisted on taking care of him, messaging him more often and helping him regress over video calls. And over the process of a few weeks, Ranboo had been officially added to the group of littles Phil cared for regularly.
The man took the time to learn his headspace range, things that upset him, how to deal with him when he did misbehave (though the occasion was rare, especially compared to someone like Little Tommy), all in the name of making sure he was cared for. It was sweet, really, and sometimes the boy felt bad for all the man did for him.
He pushed these thoughts away as he heard his name called by his father figure from the kitchen. He groaned, exiting off of Twitter and making his way out of the room and down the hallway, through the living room and into the kitchen. "I'm coming, I'm coming," he mumbled, still tired. He took his seat between Tommy and Tubbo after entering the kitchen/dining area and was quite overwhelmed with the amount of greetings and 'good morning!'s' he got all at once.
"How'd you sleep, hun?" he smiled when he heard Kristin's voice, humming a bit, settling on responding to her instead of facing the rest of the ongoing chaos in the kitchen.
"Pretty good, I think. Still waking up, though," he admitted. He watched the woman bring a plate over to him, setting a stack of pancakes in front of him. "Thank you."
Before she got the chance to respond, Tommy was shouting all to loud for how early it was in the morning. He sounded whiny, too. "Why does he get his first? I was awake before him," he complained, earning a response from Wilbur as he entered the room, his obviously messy hair temporarily contained by a beanie.
"Maybe because he's not throwing a fit over everything like you are," He made his way over to the table as Phil shot the both of them a look. Ranboo minded his own business, digging into his food, he knew that he wasn't in trouble. The brown haired man sat next to Tommy, leaning back in his seat casually.
"Will, be nicer to your brother. And Tommy, be patient, or else both of you will be put in timeout the moment we finish eating." he threatened, half joking.
"What?" Tommy said, sounding shocked as his eyes went wide.
"I second that, none of us are little!" Tubbo finally spoke up after laughing at the situation the whole time.
"Tom-tom here is sure acting like a baby, though," Wilbur teased, sitting back up to ruffle the blond's hair, continuing even when the younger whined and attempted to shove his hand away. He only retracted it when Phil gave him another stern look.
"Stop teasing him and eat your food," he told him as Kristin brought over plates for Tommy and Wilbur. "Where's Techno?" Phil seemed like he wanted to continue talking to Wilbur, but was distracted when he noticed that someone was missing. Wilbur smirked, sticking his tongue out to Tommy, as if bragging about being let off the hook.
Even Ranboo could admit, even out of headspace, everyone seemed to fill their roles in the family dynamic well. Wilbur was the cocky middle brother who somehow simultaneously gets in the most trouble and gets away with everything, Techno is the oldest who's mostly calm but will join in on the antics when it seems fun, and Tommy's the youngest who will play the 'innocent' card at any chance he could get.
Ranboo and Tubbo's exact roles were a bit undecided, but they seemed to consist of a lot of watching the scene play out and somehow getting dragged into an argument they had nothing to do with. Phil acted as their dad, who kept peace between everyone and tried to keep things calm, while Kristen played the role of a sweet mother-type figure.
When they were little, it was a bit different, but the general feeling of family remained the same.
After a few chaotic minutes of gathering everyone up and calming everyone down, they were all sitting around the table and talking in a much more civil manner. Things got loud once again only a few minutes later when Tommy knocked over his cup of orange juice.
"Sorry!" he squeaked, "I didn't mean to!" he defended, looking up at Phil apologetically. He immediately seemed much younger, a light pout on his lips as he apologized for his clumsiness.
"It's alright, Toms." the man assured, flashing a soft smile to let the regressor know that he was alright, reaching for the paper towels across the table. In just a few moments it was like there was never a spill in the first place. "Can you get him a sippy cup, please?" he asked Kristin, who immediately set off to get the requested item.
"I told you he was a baby," Wilbur spoke up next, predictably earning protests from the clearly regressing boy next to him.
"I'm not a baby!" the younger cried, looking to his other  "Techno, tell him I'm not a baby!"
"I mean, only babies need sippy cups," the other man leaned a bit closer the table, his words causing the teenager's eyes to widen.
"Can't Kristin just refill dis one?" he questioned, holding up the cup he had knocked over and looking to Phil hopefully.
"Sorry, buddy, I just don't want you to make another mess." Phil sighed, shooting a disappointed look towards Wilbur and Techno. Ranboo sunk further into his seat, trying to avoid getting pulled into the conflict. He wasn't sure how the others could handle Phil's 'disappointed look' so easily, the boy was very much scared of it.
"I'm not gonna!" Tommy whined, practically glaring at the cup that was set in front of him a moment later. He huffed and crossed his arms, refusing to drink or eat anything.
"This is what happens when you make fun of him, he gets all insecure and stubborn," Tubbo groaned, rolling his eyes as if they had been through this process a million times over.
"Tubbo's right, apologize to him," the oldest man ordered. Wilbur and Techno looked at him as if this suggestion was completely outrageous, so he added, "Now."
"Okay, okay!" Wilbur gave in, sounding defensive, "I'm sorry, Toms. You're not a baby."
"Really?" he lowered his arms, finally uncrossing them.
"No, you're just clumsy and we're sorry for making fun of you for it," Techno sounded very reluctant, but he followed Phil's orders. After these apologies, the rest of breakfast went fairly smoothly. By the end of it, Tommy was very obviously fully regressed and making a useless attempt to hide it.
It was a fairly often occurrence that Tommy slipped just for fun, acting and being treated like a kid was something he just liked. He got to be the annoying little brother and watch cartoons while he did it, it was a win-win across the board.
But Phil and Kristin knew, that whenever one of them slipped over their voice chats, anyone else in the discord call would too. And now, they were all actually together under one roof, so he was sure he'd have five littles to deal with by noon at latest.
--
As predicted, all of the boys ended up in littlespace, slipping one after another like a line of dominoes getting knocked over. After some reassurance from Phil, Tommy allowed himself to slip, and he dragged his best friend into a game of pretend. And the two toddler minded teenagers decided they wanted to play with Techno and Ranboo as well, and Wilbur soon followed when Phil babied him a bit to much.
At first, it was quite loud, and there was a lot of conflict and disagreements between the boys. Eventually, after everyone but Ranboo had managed to get in some sort of trouble, Phil sat the boys down to watch cartoons. Tommy, Tubbo, and Wilbur were out like a light one episode in. Wilbur was in babyspace, he always needed extra sleep, and Tommy tired himself out by crying when he assumed Phil was upset with him.
Tubbo, however, was just tired. No excuse, that's just how he was sometimes.
Ranboo and Techno were older then the rest of them, and far more behaved, so they didn't get quite as much attention earlier in the day. Phil was quite busy comforting Wilbur and trying to keep Tommy and Tubbo in check, and it didn't help that Kristin had to leave the house. To make up for this, Phil wanted to do something special with them while the other three took their mid-day naps.
After a while of Ranboo and Techno watching cartoons, trying to stay quiet so that their friends could sleep peacefully, Phil spoke up.
"Boys, quietly follow me," he whispered, managing to get out from under from where Wilbur was laying cuddling up to him without waking the boy up. Techno and Ranboo glanced at each other, seemingly confused but intrigued. They scrambled to get up, following their caregiver into the kitchen.
"What are we doin', dada?" Techno questioned once they entered the other room. They had left the cartoons on, so Phil was fairly sure they wouldn't be able to hear what was going on in the kitchen.
"You guys are gonna be my little helpers for snack time, okay? I got some special treats and such for everyone and we need to put everything together before everyone gets up!" the man explained in a quiet but excited tone, speaking even quieter as if his next words were a secret, "And if you guys do a good job, I'll even give you an extra cookie."
Ranboo's face immediately lit up, and he bounced on his feet as he awaited more instructions. Phil specifically chose him and Techno out of all of them, they must be special. It was like a super secret mission, just for them!
"So we're all gonna have fruit and vegetables before we get to the sweets," he continued on, going over the fridge and pulling out various fruits and vegetables, "Techno, could you wash the strawberries and blueberries for me?" he asked.
"Mhm!" he agreed, excited to be able to help. It seem weird that Phil's idea of "something special" was just putting them to work, it was more about the idea of making them feel special. They were more well behaved then everyone else, so they got extra time with Phil and a cookie.  
"What do I get to do?" Ranboo questioned. He watched as Technoblade took the containers with the fruit he was told to wash over to the sink.
"Are you big enough to pour drinks for everyone?" he questioned, pulling various new sippycups and bottles from a hidden spot in one of the cabinets. The two littles gasped, completely distracted from their tasks, "Yes, some of these are for you two." he chuckled at their excitement, coming over to Ranboo and holding out a simple but cute black and white sippy cup.
"I thought maybe you could put stickers on it," Phil explained. The boy nodded quickly, practically attacking him in a hug. "Okay, go on, get to work now." he said, motioning over to the counter where the rest of them sat.
As requested, they got to work. Techno helped wash the fruit and put then on their plates, while Ranboo filled the sippy cups and bottles with whatever drink each one of them liked best. His demise came when he tried to sneak soda into his sippy cup without asking, and he managed to spill it all over the counter.
"Uh oh! Spill on aisle Ranboo!" Phil joked, grabbing the paper towels and running over to help. Immediately, the boy panicked. He was the well behaved one, and Phil was gonna find out that he was trying to be sneaky! His guilt was obviously clear to the caregiver, because the next thing he said was, "Don't worry, accidents happen."
The gentle and reassuring tone he used only made him feel worse. It only took the man a moment to actually realize what the boy had been pouring into the cup. "Ranboooo," the caregiver held out his words, sounding disappointed, "You know that you could've asked for soda if you really wanted it, right? You've been so good all day, I would've given it to you."
"Really?" he asked, pouting when the man took the cup and dumped the liquid in the sink. He then ripped paper towels from the roll and wiped up the remainder of the drink from the counter.
"Yeah, I would've," Phil affirmed, "But trying to sneak around me isn't okay. You told me you were putting juice in here. That's lying, and I know for a fact that you're big enough to know that's not allowed. " he tsked, causing Ranboo to look down at his feet.
"M' sorry," he mumbled, ready to cry over such a small thing. He knew what he was doing was dumb, Phil rarely let them have sweets like that when they were small due to the fact that they got hyper.
"Don't cry, sweetheart, you're not in trouble," the man assured with a sigh, softening his tone immediately, rinsing the cup out as he spoke. Ranboo still felt bad, despite the gentle reassurance. He glanced up to see the man filling his cup with his favorite drink besides the over sugary soda: strawberry lemonade. "Here you go." he tightened the lid onto it and held it out for him.
"Sorry, dada," he apologized again, his eyes still glassy as he took it in his hands. Phil sighed a bit, opening his arms and pulling him close.
"You're okay, buddy, I promise you." he spoke gently, "Little boys make mistakes sometimes, it's alright." The man knew that while Ranboo might've been regressed to an older age, he was still quite sensitive, and he always felt overly bad whenever he got in trouble. Even if he had managed to get away with sneaking the soda, he would've owned up to what he did guiltily after just a few sips of the drink.
That's just how he was.
"M' all done!" Techno's voice interrupted them as he finished placing the snack-filled plates in their spot at the table, besides their respective sippy cups. Phil pulled away from the other regressor and ruffled his hair, smiling at him before addressing the other little.
"Good job, honey. You're such a good helper," he complimented, before looking back to Ranboo. "And so are you." he reminded. Ranboo giggled a bit, feeling happiness well up in his chest at the praise despite any childish guilt. The giggles only increased when his caregiver tapped the button of his nose, causing him to scrunch it up.
Once he was sure that Ranboo was alright, or at least doing a bit better, he gave them their next instructions. One good thing about Ranboo was that it was easy to sway his emotions to the more positive end if it was done before any tears came. "Take your seats and eat, I'm gonna wake up your brothers and have them pick up their toys from earlier, then they'll join you." he told them, before leaving the room.
Technoblade's eyes followed Phil as he exited the room, and he waited until he was sure he was out of earshot to say anything. "Psst, 'anboo," Techno leaned close to the table, grabbing the other boy's attention.
"Wha'?" he questioned, popping a grape in his mouth and tilting his head in curiousity.
"We should scare daddy when he comes back in! It'll be so cool," he suggested, "We can wait by the door and jump out!"
"Hmm...," Ranboo looked over to where the other pointed, considering his options, "We 'posed to be eatin'." he pointed out, shaking his head.
"We won' get in trouble, it's just playin' round," he tried to sound convincing. It seemed to work, because Ranboo reconsidered, before hesitantly nodding. He grabbed one more grape and his sippy cup before standing up, Techno leading him over to the entrance of the room. They were concealed behind the wall on either side of the doorway.
They listened Phil woke the others up and helped them put the toys away, excitement ramping up as they waited. To their shock, Tommy entered first, fully ready to greet him in his usual loud tone. Techno quickly put his finger to his lip, shaking his head to signal him to be quiet. Tommy's eyes widened as he realized what was happening, deciding to duck behind the with his older brother.
It was then that Phil entered, carrying Wilbur. The boys jumped out from their spots, exclaiming different variations of "boo!" and "AHH!", breaking out into giggles immediately after. Wilbur squeaked, the sound startling him a bit, but he didn't seem upset. "Well hello, little ones," Phil chuckled, "If I remember correctly, you boys are supposed to be at the table."
"Jus' wanted to scare you! We go eat now," Techno assured, taking Tommy's wrist in his hand and pulling him over to the table. Ranboo however, peeked behind Phil to see if Tubbo was coming.
"Where Tubs at?" he pulled on Phil's shirt before he could walk away, whining a bit.
"He had a bit of an accident," the man admitted, "He's a bit smaller now, but he'll be out soon, okay?"
"Okay..." he trailed off, looking out into the living room, completely set on standing there until his best friend was able to join him.
"How about you head over to the table, kiddo?" his caregiver questioned, earning a pout from the little. "Okay, okay, you can wait here for him!" he decided, figuring there was nothing wrong with it. With a forehead kiss, Phil left him at the doorway.
"Tubbo! We gots apple slices for you!" he rambled excitedly when his friend finally did arrive, running towards him and grabbing his hand. He started to pull him further into the kitchen, but the mentally younger of the two stumbled a bit, seemingly clumsier then he was earlier in the day.
Ranboo realized that he had a pacifier in his mouth now, and he saw Phil replacing his sippy cup with a bottle out of the corner of his eye. He had worked hard to put apple juice in that sippy cup, he thought, pouting a bit.
"M' sorry, didn' mean to make you almost fall! We can go slow," he decided, earning a thankful smile from the other regressor. "Are you gonna say anything?" he asked, walking beside him. As they approached the table, Phil replied for the boy.
"He's a bit younger, bud, he might not be up for talking," he explained, "You know what it's like to be so little that you feel like a baby. Can we all be understanding? He's only a bit older then Wilbur at the moment." "
Tubbo seemed quite embarrassed as he sunk into his seat, pulling his pacifier from his mouth to eat his food. There were sounds of agreement around the table. Ranboo was curious as to what exactly made Tubbo slip so much younger then he usually did, but he didn't voice this curiosity, settling on eating his food in favor of not embarrassing his friend anymore then he already was. .
"These are yucky!" Tommy claimed, pushing his plate with carrots and ranch away from him.
"You like carrots and ranch, what are you talking about?" Phil sounded tired and just a bit annoyed.
"Don' want em," he shook his head, whining just as he had that morning when Wilbur teased him.
"If you eat them you'll get a cookie," the caregiver bribed.
"What type of cookie?" the toddler minded boy squinted his eyes, as if considering this, as if it was a negotiation of sorts.
"Sugar cookie, chocolate chip, I think we have Oreos too...whatever you could want," this definitely caught the boys interest.
"Chocolate chip?" his eyes went wide with excitement, which was only intensified when Phil nodded. Immediately, he uncrossed his arms and pulled his plate back towards him. Phil seemed satisfied with this, ruffling his hair.
The boys were still waking up, so Phil asked them to talk about their elaborate games from earlier in the day to keep them occupied. So, as they ate their snacks, they giggled about imaginary wars and adventures and argued over who won their dramatic plastic sword duels. Eventually, the caregiver gave them their promised sweets before sending them back off to play.
"Ranboo, you left your sippy cup in the kitchen," Phil tapped the boy's shoulder and distracted him from his game of peek-a-boo with Tubbo. He quickly discovered that his friend seemed much to little to participate in any games he'd usually play, so he did what he always saw Phil do with Wilbur: play a simpler one.
It was obviously much more entertaining for the littler of the two, but Ranboo was happy to hear his friend's giggles and squeaks. "Oh! Thanks, dada!" the boy reached up to take his sippy cup from the caregiver as he was sitting on the floor and Phil was standing. Ranboo gasped when he took a drink, feeling bubbles on his tongue.
Immediately, Phil put a finger to his lips and gave him a warning look. This made the boy giggle a bit as he nodded, understanding the signal. "Thank you!" he repeated, smiling when his hair was ruffled softly. The moment didn't last long, Tommy called Phil over for something, and it was back to peek-a-boo with his best friend.
Ranboo didn't mind it, though, peek-a-boo was fun. Being with everyone was fun, even if it meant he got a bit less attention due to there being so much going on. It all evened out, he got to be a snack time helper! And he got an extra cookie! If you asked him, that was pretty awesome.
In the next few days, they'd all get back into making more collaborative content, as that was the point of this meet up, but for now, it was just time to play. To spend time together, to cuddle, and giggle, and make far to much noise in the name of fun. To just be a family.
That was the specific feeling that came to Ranboo with this meet up. The comforting feeling that bubbled in his chest whenever he got a forehead kiss or his hair ruffled by Phil, or when he played babyish games with his friends when they regressed younger then him.
This was the thing that clouded his mind whenever he regressed with this group specifically, or when they were in the car, joking about anything and everything as they got closer and closer to their destination. A feeling that consistently made his life better, the feeling that brought a smile to his face everyday...
The Feeling of Family.
--
A/N: I really hope you liked that adorable mess of 4500 words! I appreciate reblogs and likes, but no matter what, thanks for reading to the end! Did you like the chaotic feeling that five littles/so many people brought into my fic? I kinda had to switch up my normal formulas to make room for so many characters, there's a reason I literally put three character to sleep halfway through the fic hjsikajsa. Did I write Phil well? I tried to portray how a caregiver w/so many littles would act somewhat realistically? Kind of overwhelmed but managing. Also, did you like me portraying ranboo as 'the angle little' of the group? idk I felt like it fit his personality in the scenario. If you reply with/send an ask/reblog with feedback, you can answer those questions, leave a request for something (whether it be in the universe father into the month-long meetup timeline I set up or just another fic), state your general opinions on the fic, or just leave a strand of emojis if words are hard. No matter what, it means a lot! I hope you all have a great day!!!!
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plutoswrath · 4 years ago
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hi luca! whos chart in nct r ur fav?? <3
Hello! x An eXCELlent question, truly, one of my favorite activities became gushing over anything nct related at this point asdfgh. Short disclaimer: No ones birth chart is ‘bad’, in astrology there isn’t such thing as a ‘bad’ birth chart, this is all just my personal preference and has nothing to do with the native of the natal chart, there’s no favoritism playing into this, just plain astrological interest! 
Continue to read under cut, long post ahead!
Taeyong: I think I’ve mentioned before that I really really like his birth chart!! I love the different elements and modalities playing into it, it truly is a very good representation of the chaotic, yet sincere and creative individual he is, just really following the beat of his own drum! Also, he’s such a warm and kind person that just really shows in his chart. I do have to say that I love love love Virgo Mars people, I generally love Virgo placements and people with profound Virgo influence, but Taeyong is really hard working and caring and it truly ties to the expectations he not only has for himself, but also that he feels responsible for other people by nature probably (Mars in Virgo in the 7th, especially in opposition to his Saturn) and his really bright and carefree creative streak really shines through with that Sagittarius MC and Gemini Mercury and Venus!! I also mean this with 100% positivity when I say he’s really quirky, always a little bit ‘out of the box’ compared to other people and still just a really authentic person, no matter how ‘odd’ he might come across and his chart just really shows that: being true and sincere because there’s nothing else he can do than being true to himself! An absolute unit, a cancerian enigma as it is written in the books!! 
Jeno: Finally I get the opportunity to talk about this chart!!! Because oh boy do I have opinions on this!!!! First of all: He is an earth sign with a Sagittarius Moon and I love love love this combination in general, especially with his Venusian sun and a Jupiterian Moon it makes for a person that can create a really nice atmosphere, just really pleasant to be with and probably values the good things in life (that defenitely included the small things!!). Looking at Jenos joyous vibe the combi just seems to make sense, I also love the combination of his Taurus stellium and the Aries Venus and Mercury, the dynamic of fixed earth and cardinal fire usually makes a person that is really determined and ambitious. I know it’s not the same as having an Aries Mars, but nontheless Aries energy can create sparks of creativity that the Taurean nature wants to pursue and can actually pull through, because if there’s one thing Taurus is good at then it’s being persistant about anything they love and put their heart in! 
Yuta: I’ve written quiet a bit about his chart, and to be honest my opinion of his chart changed over time, because of his personality and the way we got to know him. In a way, the more I’ve seen of Yuta, the more intruiged I was by the way his birth chart lives out; his chart seems pretty overwhelming at first glance, but what I do love are his two stelliums of Scorpio and Sagittarius. The dynamic of these two neighboring signs is literally diving deep, feeling even more deeper and then fully letting go of it to look into the future and at life with a hopeful and excited attitude. I think his birth chart also reflect the potential of someone self reflected and restless, always being up for transformation and not stagnating, because self developement is the only thing that make sense: with his the individual might feel like they need to surrender to this energy, and eventually it’s true. I think..he’s just a good reflection of his birth chart, I think there’s no other way for him than making sense of all this energy clusters that are in his chart anyway, but yes! I think he’s just an enigma and I’m here for it!!!
Xiaojun: Okay, I will say one thing I love Leo sun in combination with cancer placements, preferably Moon and Mercury. I just noticed that Leo people with profound Cancer in their chart are so incredibly warm people and they just want nothing more than love, they really just want pure and unfiltered emotion and they gladly give this back in return. I think needless to say this makes for a very sensitive person, and Xiaojun defenitely is that too, but it also makes them give that same amount of empathy back and especially the combination with Virgo Venus creates it a wish for devotion. I will be honest I usually I am always a tat critical when I see Scorpio Mars placed in the chart of a fire sign, but I think with him it just adds to this wholehearted and passionate nature of his, plus I think this makes for a really tough cookie, I think viewing his chart critically the first thing that one would notice is the huge water sign energy, but he also has lots of fixed sign modality playing into it, so I firmly believe he is a real go getter, motivated by his passions and working quietly on it instead of being a bragger (because this might just bite him back in the end). 
Kun: I will be very honest, the first impression of his chart was a ‘........oh no’ for me asdfgh, same with Yutas chart, just because of the huge stellium they both share, for Kun it would be his 5 planets in Capricorn. Stelliums are usually known to be a very tricky thing to have in ones birth chart, most of the time stelliums can symbolize a crossroad of potentials and thus can end in a lot of indecisevness for an individual. I think Kun is just one of the best examples of how far one can push the possibilities of a stellium, especially if we consider his confirmed birth time, thus giving him also a 6th house stellium. I think I’m just really fascinated how 6th house stelliums play out (look at Bang Chans 6th house stellium, that guy does everything and is everyhwere, just like Kun) and if we stick to the rules of astrology, hoh boy does his facial bone structure reflect this huge Caprciorn influence, and now to top it all of with my personal preferences: I have a huge huge soft spots for Taurus Moons and I think I like the combination of his Capricorn sun and Taurus Moon a lot, overall his chart just reflects his determination and ambitious nature, work is done thoroughly and attentively, and let’s not forget that his determination is also a big representation of how much he cares (Taurus Moon in the 10th?? It’s more likely than you think asdfgh). 
Jungwoo: It’s all because of his Scorpio Moon, I’m outing myself now, Water suns with Water Moons, especially when the Moon is in Scorpio and Pisces, usually have something very magnetic about them, same can be said with Water suns with Water risings. I think the interest and strong liking I build for his chart came along with his personality, another enigma at hands, Jungwoo is a really nuanced person and I really enjoy when he talks honestly about his feelings and other members in interviews, or just talks casually in vlives, because it gives you a good glance of anything beside his really funny and goofy side (which is by the way no form of complaint here, if there’s one thing no one wants to miss it’s Jungwoos shenanigans asdfgk). I don’t know why but teh first time I looked at his chart I just said ‘Huh???’ out loud because I was really suprised by his Moon sign and Venus. He has an Aquarius and Pisces stellium and i think this might overshadow the other placements a lot, especially since his Sun is in a degree of 0 and his Neptune as well (as Neptune rules Pisces it would be good to look at that planet as well lol). Well yeah, i think it only make sense that everyone got so intruiged by Jungwoo over the last time, I kind of feel the same as with Jaehyun with him, all that Aquarius and Pisces makes people have a harder time seeing them ‘clearly’ at times and also probably projecting a lot on them, so yeah. This is my statement asdfghjk
Sungchan: He’s a Virgo sun, what can I say, that already made me happy asdfghj but I do like the Earth Sun and Water Moon combo, it’s also funny that he has a planet occupying every sign from Gemini to Libra, especially since they’re all personal, plus his Mars in Capricorn of course. Since Sungchan is new to nct I still am very hesitant to making any statement but overall I just like to look at the chart, it seems just very balanced and I can’t wait to sotr his placements to various reactions and moments in a year when we have a lot of content at hand! 
Chenle: I know his sun sign could actually vary, but I will hold close to him being a Scorpio, he has an Aquarius stellium as well (seriously 60% of nct has an Aquarius stellium, despite the fact that they already have so many Aquarians in the band asdfghjkl), which squares his Scorpio stellium, and then add the trine to his Saturn and his Jupiter to it. Maybe that’s a very weird reason, but I like the way the chart physically looks (yes that is maybe not really based on any astrological explainations, but it’s just really interesting to look at). I also do know another Scorpio sun with Aquarius Moon in real life, and they do have their similarities, I also see a lot of Aquarius and Scorpio friends and couples in real life, so even though these signs square the other, I think they seem to find common ground or make amends pretty quickly. I think it’s just the mix of energies that clash here that are really intruiging to me!
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sope-and-shine · 4 years ago
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Lost and Found
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-> Namjoon x Reader -> Soulmate!AU // Fluff -> 6.2k (This fic was at 6,199 before post, and I couldn’t let that happen) -> Summary: In a world full of soulmates and soul marks, you just had to get stuck with the dynamic duo. -> Warning(s): none // maybe just fluff
A/N: I suggested the name to Belle as I was drafting the post, and she said she’d sue me if I didn’t use it.
ALSO! A BIG BIG BIG THANK YOU TO BOTH @multycoloredtaco​ and @purpletigertaetae​ for reading this and giving me some really good feedback! I love you both SO MUCH!
* * *
Soulmates have always come in several different shapes and sizes. They’ve always appeared to each other in various ways. Your mother and father met by their own personal song that only the two knew of, one that played when they spared a thought to the other. Your aunt had found your uncle with a timer on her wrist, and your grandpa had the unfortunate fate of meeting your grandmother while catcalling her. According to him, it was a very eventful day, but at least her words to him finally made sense. Everyone in your family - besides your great aunt who hasn’t aged since the late 1890s - has had the amazing luck of finding their soulmate. Not everyone gets the luxury of being with their soulmate how they planned to. You’re actually friends with a shop owner who lost his soulmate about a year ago and hasn’t seen any color since. You honestly couldn’t imagine the pain he’s been through. Thankfully, your soulmate mark was not as painful.
It was just extremely annoying.
As a child, you never questioned the items that would appear in your room, thinking of them as odd gifts that your parents or your brother would leave for you. You were no stranger to finding a single sock under your bed, the occasional candy bar tucked away in your backpack, or the odd action figure that you would take to your brother thinking it was his. It wasn’t until the first homework assignment with ‘Kim Namjoon’ scrawled at the top that you began to think something wasn’t right. And that was only the beginning of what was to come. 
As the years went by, more and more random items began appearing in your room at your parents house, your dorm in college, and finally your very own apartment. Each item you placed in boxes under your bed as a way to keep a piece of him with you until you could find him. However, you never imagined how forgetful and chaotic your soulmate could really be. You have everything! Clothing items, more homework assignments, various books, glasses, baby photos, and you even have a random girl’s phone number! You were tempted to call her when you first found it, but you figured that would be too weird. Instead, you continued to organize everything under your bed in hopes of giving it all back to him when you would finally meet.
Of course, you were a victim to your soulmate mark as well. Many jewelry items had disappeared from your room without a trace as a result. Hoodies, stuffed animals, and even a bra that you could’ve sworn you put in your gym bag - part of you hoped he’d hide it away because not only was it a cute bra, it was also expensive. Recently though, you’ve both been a lot more responsible. You haven’t seen any new items appear in your apartment for almost a month, and with your soulmates track record of losing 11 items in one day, a month was a huge record on his part. But you were starting to miss the gifts that would give you clues to him.
After you found out what your soulmate mark really was, you started looking forward to what would be left in your room next. Of course, it wasn’t always a win on your part, and sometimes what he lost was very questionable, but it always made you laugh when another item appeared in your room. At first, it was weird to think about someone else’s stuff appearing in your room with no prior warning, but it made you feel special to know that he was ultimately giving you pieces of himself every time he let something out of his sight. They made your long days more bearable. It makes you wonder if he’s the type of person to shower you with gifts when you feel upset or just to show his affection when he felt it was necessary. Especially on a rough day like today.
There was nothing wrong with your job, you loved everything about it! Life as a lead optician was actually a very rewarding job in the end. Helping others choose the best glasses for their face and individual personalities was one of your favorite parts, you loved watching little old ladies try on vibrant, colorful frames to feel youthful. They’re always very excited to see clearly again. Then there are all the little kids who would sit down with you to get glasses for the first time, and the look on their faces when they finally got to see the world clearly was heartwarming. Their soft smiles and wide eyes filled with amazement always made you feel a little softer inside. However, not everyday was a good day, and today was really not a good day.
Everything was going perfectly fine until the 3:30 appointment showed up at 5:00 after the doctor had already left for the day and demanded to be seen. The doctor’s technician was so scared trying to explain to the patient that they’d have to reschedule their appointment, and the poor thing was just trying not to cry over the one person who couldn’t understand how society works. Obviously, as the lead optician on duty you took over, but this patient was one of the most inconsiderate people you’d ever had to deal with. Demanding to be seen, demanding to buy glasses with an old prescription, demanding to speak to a manager - which at this point was actually you, so done and done - and just cursing up a storm at you and your fellow coworkers who all tried to help explain. The whole ordeal just took way longer than it ever should have to deal with, and it probably took at least 25 years off of your life. 
“Why do people feel that they need to be rude to get what they want?” Soohyun had asked you, “Do they think it’ll just magically fix everything?” 
You had agreed, “It’s like they think you’re really just messing with them. Like, “Oh no, sir! You’re correct! I apologize for the inconvenience, let me pull that out of my ass for you!” Though maybe not appropriate for the work environment, you’d at least made her day just a little better with your humor. 
On days like today, a nice warm shower and a cuddle pile with all of the pillows and plushies that cover your bed made everything much better when nothing new appeared in your room. If the odd gifts the universe left from your soulmate couldn’t cheer you up, then you’d do it yourself. And that you did. Nothing felt better than the warm water washing away the day’s pain and suffering, the delicate fragrance of the coconut shampoo you splurged on easing your worries down the drain. The floral body lotion and leave-in-conditioner you’d bought on the same shopping excursion also help your body relax, their scents so intoxicating to you, that you almost topple over onto the tiled floor of your bathroom from the instant pleasure they pull from you. Instead, you make your way to your bed, adorned in your comfiest PJs and fluffiest socks.
However, you weren’t expecting to land on something so hard and uncomfortable when you plopped face first onto your sheets.
“What the heck?” Pushing yourself onto your knees and pulling back the covers, you find a small, golden trophy resting comfortably in the warmth of your sheets. On all sides it reads, ‘MNET Asian Music Awards’ with a small plaque reading, ‘2017 MNET Asian Music Awards: Artist of the Year’ at the bottom of one side. It takes you a moment to understand fully what you hold in your hands before it actually hits you.
Your soulmate is an idol.
A forgetful idol if he lost such an important award, but at least this gave you a lead as to who your soulmate is besides one of the most common surnames and a few measly pairs of mismatched socks.  
Setting the award to the side, you grab your phone from your nightstand and unlock it, clicking on your browser and typing away. You look up the artist of the year from 2017 and find the top result to be a boy band called BTS. According to Google’s nice little summary and AllKPOP’s top article, they seemed to be pretty famous. Of course, you’ve heard of them before, and if you heard one of their songs then there was a good chance you’d probably recognize it! But you’ve never really been one for boy bands. You were more into kdramas if you were to be completely honest, they’re definitely your guilty pleasure and way more your speed than handsome young men dancing on stage in front of screaming girls trying to get in their pants. Could you really blame them? No. Not at all. Given the chance, you’d take it, but it wouldn’t be anything special if it wasn’t your soulmate.
Your soulmate.
Namjoon.
Changing your question, you search for ‘Kim Namjoon BTS’. If he actually pops up, then that would mean you actually know who he is. 
Finding the nerve to press search, you are bombarded with three pictures above a description of him right off the bat - You hate to admit it, but soulmate or not, he’s definitely handsome. You click on a random site you hope will give you some useful information about the man who’s most likely your soulmate and are immediately redirected to something called K-Profiles. The site itself starts off with a group picture of all the members, followed by their names below it, and their social media handles under that. You’d have to look them up later.
The first member you come across is your soulmate himself. He has his blonde head resting on top of his arms with a soft, dimpled smile as he stares right back at the camera. Eyes locked onto his through the screen, you can feel your heart speeding up just from looking at him. You can’t help but smile back at him as if he can actually see you. As if he were right there ready to come out and say ‘hi’. 
He’s absolutely breathtaking, and it isn’t even him.
You continue your hunting, scrolling further down to learn as much as you can about him. How old he is, when he was born, where he was born, what his favorite color is, you want to know it all! You learn that he’s the leader of the group, that he used to be known as Rap Monster before he changed it - that USB in the box under your bed made a lot more sense now. You learn that he has a sister, and that he and his band members are advocates for UNICEF, and that this man was so incredibly intelligent yet also known as the ‘god of destruction’ to those around him. But also listed on his profile is his soulmate mark. 
“As said in a V-Live where RM explained a stuffed animal he kept on his desk, anything RM loses will appear with his soulmate and vice-versa. He has yet to meet his soulmate.” You read. You’ve lost quite a few stuffed animals to Namjoon, hopefully, it wasn’t an embarrassing one that would haunt you later.
You come to the end of his profile and to the top of another handsome man, yet you don’t scroll down. You haven’t learned enough. You need to know more about him, about how you can meet him. You have to know more! And that’s how you find yourself still up at 5am the next morning still wide awake watching yet another video interview of your soulmate just to hear his voice. A part of you is embarrassed for staying awake all night for some guy, but another part of you can’t let it go when you’re so deep already. 
* * *
You called into work after your late night-early morning escapade, telling them you caught something from one of your friends and wouldn’t be in for the next few days. There was no way you were going anywhere with the sleep you just got, and it wouldn’t be fixed in one day either. Even after sleeping the morning away you were still tired from your late night-early morning endeavor. It’s not like you really cared though, you had just found out who your soulmate was. And unlike a lot of other people in the world, you had an entire collection of videos dedicated to just your soulmate and his passion.
It didn’t take long for you to dig your nose back into the screen of your phone just to watch him make that gorgeous, dimpled smile. There were so many videos where he talked about you, sharing some of the items you had lost with his fans like they were his best friends. He looked so proud to be showing off your things, and the look in his eyes when he’d get lost in his own thoughts just looking at them made your heart melt.
You’d heard your mom and dad talk about how happy they were to have a special song just for the two of them. Your mom used to tell you all about the day your father tracked her all the way from the grocery store, pushing through the crowd like a love interest in a kdrama because he heard her humming their song to herself. At a young age you always thought it was sweet and wanted to meet your soulmate just like your mom had, but you eventually realized as you got older that a strange person following you home is not something you want. However, now you kinda wished it could work like that, seeing that your soulmate was practically untouchable. 
Of all the people in the world, you just had to get stuck with a celebrity with millions of girls from all over the world fawning over him. Getting chased in the streets must be on this guy’s workout regimen by now! How were you supposed to get anywhere near him without spending over $1,000 just to look at his face?
“How much are those fan-meet things?” You ask yourself aloud. Innocent enough, but nothing could’ve prepared you for the entire process that came with going to just one fansign. This wasn’t something you could just buy a ticket for. No. You had specific steps that you had to follow or you wouldn’t even stand a chance. There were so many steps that you were tempted to just find his company and blast music until security came to take you away. Maybe you’d at least get to meet him when they filed a restraining order.
No. You HAD to meet him. You haven’t saved all of his lost things just for you to chicken out now.
So, you made a fancafe account and waited for their next promotion to purchase an album, you waited for the lottery winners to be announced, and you almost doubled over when you saw your name on the list from the store. You thought 3 months was long enough, but the 24 hours before the event were the longest hours of your life. So long that you couldn’t even sleep!
That’s where the wrench comes in.
You hadn’t meant to stay up so late at all, but you were really excited to finally meet the man that’s been losing everything he touches - especially now that he’s started losing air pods under your bed. So, when you woke up at 10:30am for the fansign that started at 11, you knew you’d messed up. 
You messed up bad. 
Of all the irresponsible things you could’ve done, staying up late was not the one you should’ve chosen to do. Now, you’d have to wait even longer to see him. Maybe the universe was right to give you both the worst soulmate mark known to man.
It wasn’t like waiting for the next fansign was bad, but it wasn’t the best either. Everyday that passed was another day that you had to watch him through a screen. Seeing his dimpled cheeks smile at the camera - at you - making your heart race. He was so close to you, but he was so out of reach. When the next fansign did come around, you had to make sure you made it on time so you could see it in person for yourself.
That’s what you told yourself.
To your credit, you almost did do that! But you had no idea there would be so much traffic. Not only that, but you’d tripped and dropped the box of things to return to him on the street and had to pick it up before anyone saw what it was you were holding. Because of those small issues, you made it to the venue five minutes after they had closed the doors. 
“Please, I’m only five minutes late!” You beg, breathing heavy and labored. You stare at the worker just doing her job with high hopes that she would have some sort of empathy for you, but her face showed no remorse.
“If you wanted to be let in, then you should have been on time.” She scolds, closing the doors on you and leaving you outside to wallow in self pity once more. 
At least the first time you’d messed up you were in the comfort of your own home where you could cry over your failure. Now, you were left in the open for everyone to see your mistake. You were so close too. He was just behind the doors. Waiting to see the adoring faces of his fans that you should be a part of. 
Yet you’re on the streets.
* * *
“Don’t you think you’re going a little overboard?” 
“What makes you say that?” You turn to your friend from your seat on the ground outside of the shop you’d purchased your album from, dressed in a light hoodie with a coffee in your hand. The light of day just peaking through the cracks between the buildings as the street lamps turn off for a new day. 
At this point in your journey to meet your soulmate, you weren’t going to take any more chances. The store didn’t open for another 3 hours, and the event started an hour and a half after that, but you were going to be sure you had your ticket and made it to the venue on time. You didn’t care how early you were, you were going to see Namjoon if it was the last thing you did.
The poor, tired woman seemed to pick up on your indifference to your change in behavior and sighs, “Nothing in particular. I’m just concerned that maybe you’re taking this to the extreme now.”
“I’ve tried and failed three times already, Bomi. I cannot miss another chance to meet them!” You explain, taking a sip from your warm cup.
“Maybe the universe is trying to tell you that they’re just a boy band and you shouldn’t get so excited over them. They all have soulmates anyways.” Of course she didn’t know that you were going because one of them was your soulmate, but you couldn’t risk anyone finding out and telling your soulmate before you could tell him. 
“I know that, but it’s worth it!” All the hours you’d spent waiting, watching their new content, reading their tweets and various posts from other social media wishing you could see him in person for just a moment. This was the fourth attempt, and you didn’t want to continue this cycle of hit and miss. “I’m not missing it this time.”
“Well, waiting outside of this shop so early just to get a ticket that’s already yours is absurd!” 
“You didn’t have to come with me.” You grumble. It wasn’t like you didn’t know that. You were very much aware of the fact that it was insane. It was something you thought about every time you failed to make it into the venue! Having her reiterate what you already knew did not make it any easier.
However, your acquaintance wasn’t having your response, “I did. You blackmailed me into coming with you so you’d actually do it right, remember?”
The vague memory of sending her an embarrassing picture you had as a way to convince her to come flashes through your mind. So maybe your methods were unconventional, but they worked. “That’s not important!” 
You both continue to wait by the store’s entrance, making light conversation as more people begin to show up for their own tickets. Of course, you knew they’d be here, that’s why you left extra early to be there first. It was a good thing you did too, because as the time ticked on and the line grew longer, it became obvious a lot of fans had purchased their albums from the same store you had. Even as the store owner arrived to start their day, not at all surprised by the line that had formed for them, there were still fans lining up for their tickets.
But in the end, you were first to arrive and receive your ticket, and that made you one of the first to the venue.
“Alright, we made it. This is where I leave you.” Bomi hikes her bag further onto her shoulder and turns to face you one last time before she leaves, “Don’t make a fool of yourself in there. And do not show them your airpod collection!”
‘Oh, I’m returning the airpod collection…’ You think to yourself, sending a quick wave goodbye to her.
Waiting for the doors to the venue to open didn’t take as long as you’d thought it would - security check taking even less time. You found your seat pretty easily as well, being placed on the left side of the empty table in the middle of the sea of chairs. Taking the time you have while everyone finds their seats, you take a peek inside of the box you’d brought to grab your album and just look at everything you’d brought to begin their return to Namjoon. You made sure to bring every pair of air pods you had found - and hadn’t sold on eBbay - a few old homework assignments, USB’s, pictures he’d taken through his pre-debut, and the trophy he’d misplaced that lead to your discovery.
Hopefully his band members wouldn’t be too upset with him.
You’d learned a lot about each of them over the two years you’ve spent trying to meet with Namjoon. So many times you’d been tempted to put yourself on the fan page or DM them on Twitter, but you were too afraid of being drowned out by other ARMYs or one of the other boys blocking you before Namjoon could see. No doubt they each probably had hardships of their own trying dodge fans claiming to be their soulmate. Watching as they each come to the stage individually, you could see why anyone would lie to call them theirs. You couldn’t deny how handsome they all were - you’d be lying to yourself if you said you thought they weren’t handsome - but no one could compare to your Namjoon.
If you get the opportunity to meet his stylist, then you’re going to give her the biggest hug for making him look this amazing! It was just a plain white, button down shirt tucked into a black pair of dress pants, but the top two buttons of his shirt undone and the grey, satin suit jacket with the addition of black, square glasses and his brown hair neatly parted to the left make him look like a god - should they exist. He takes your breath away, even if you’ve seen every picture and fancam you were able to find. The universe really said, “this one deserves the best” and threw you the biggest catch out there. You could only hope he enjoyed the simple pair of jeans and pastel yellow sweater you’d thrown on for the occasion.
It takes a while before they begin the meet and greet part, the boys introducing themselves and asking questions, letting their fan sites take pictures before they turn their attention to the individual fans as they pass them. With every moment that passes by, every row you watch stand and enter the line to the stage, you become more and more nervous. Of course, you knew your soulmate was truly Namjoon, but you were still terrified to reveal that truth in front of everyone. You’d seen a few announcements regarding the boys and their soulmates, talking about how their respective soulmate would be treated like another one of the boys and would be protected by BigHit as soon as they were found. You knew you’d at least have his company behind you, but…
What about his fans?
You can’t help but fester in your own thoughts, letting them consume you even as you make your way into the line with your box. You try your best to muster up the courage you need, but the looming presence of the table getting closer and closer makes your breathing harder. All you need to do is remain calm. They were just people.
The people who’ve spent almost 7 years with your soulmate.
And your soulmate himself.
No biggie.
“Ma’am.” The voice of the staff keeping the line interrupts your internal panic, pulling you back to reality. He points to the table where an excited Taehyung smiles eagerly at you with an empty space in front of him. “You’re next.”
“Yes! Thank you.” Reeling from embarrassment, you quickly kneel down to the space in front of the table. You give a small bow and hand over your album to the boxy-smiled boy in front of you, your hands shaking from how nervous you are. All you had to do was make it through 5 more boys and you’d meet your soulmate. 
5 more people....
...and you’d meet your soulmate.
A hand lands on top of your own, “There’s no need to be nervous!” Taehyung is bright and happy, calmly running a thumb over the back of your hand as he uses the other to sign your album. His eyes shift from you to the paper and back to you, “You’re doing great~”
You felt a little bad for probably ignoring him. He must’ve been trying to introduce himself when he’d noticed you’d spaced out yet again. Yet here he was, acting as though it wasn’t even that big of a deal. Of course, he still had about 50 more people or so to have a minute conversation with, but he genuinely seemed to care. It made you feel more confident.
“Thank you.” You say, a smile gracing your lips. You were still nervous, but at least now you felt calm and somewhat collected to at least make it through the other members. You move onto Yoongi, then to Jeongguk, to Jin, to Jimin, and then to Hoseok. Once again, you’re feeling a little guilty about the time you spend with him. It wasn’t like you weren’t excited to be in front of him, but your soulmate was less than 2 feet away from you looking like he walked out of a Vogue photo shoot with a happy little smile on his face. Hopefully, if all goes well you can apologize to him for being distracted.
The staff moves everyone along and your time finally comes. You bid Hoseok a quick thank you and goodbye and move yourself in front of Namjoon, his box tucked close to your body as a way to keep you grounded. 
Namjoon takes your album from Hoseok before he turns his full attention to you, his dimples that you’d been obsessed with since you’d first seen them making an appearance. His dark brown eyes stare into your own, “Hi, what’s your name?”
You’re so entranced by the man in front of you that you almost don’t respond. You manage a quiet, “(Y/n)...” But you’re so stunned and breathless that you think about repeating it just to make sure he hears it.
“Really?” He asks. His eyes widen for just a moment, and you know he recognizes it from a homework assignment or a book you’d probably lost with your name in it. You watch his shoulders as they tense and then relax as if they’d never lifted in the first place. “I really like that name. It’s one of my favorites.”
You watch him turn to the album in front of him, looking for the page you’d like him to sign. Being in front of him now, you feel your confidence grow. You can’t help yourself, “Really? Is there a reason?”
“I’ve just always liked the name.” He says, looking up momentarily with a tight smile. He probably didn’t want to be too obvious about his soulmate - well, you - so fans wouldn’t go looking for you. That must be the one downside to the life of an idol. You watch him carefully, taking in the way he handles your album with care. You watch him flip through pages, his smile slipping for a confused frown. He looks at you, “You don’t have a question for me?”
You jump at the sudden realization that you hadn’t given him the box yet, “No! I do…” This was it. You look from him to the box you’ve clung onto for two years, “It’s inside the box.”
Carefully, you slide the box forward, feeling the nerves you’ve been feeling all day spring to life. He takes it from you with a grateful smile, probably expecting a bear or something you’d made yourself just for him. But judging by the look on his face, you can tell he wasn’t expecting to find the objects in front of him. His shocked face makes you chuckle.
“I’ve always wondered how one person can lose so many things. I understand homework and socks, the airpods, but an entire trophy, Namjoon? How do you lose a trophy?” You ask. You wait for an answer, but he looks as if he’s completely shut down. His jaw hangs open ever so slightly, and his eyes are wide in disbelief. You see a glisten in his eyes and your amusement turns to worry, “Are you okay?”
The leader turns to you, glistening eyes staring into your own. His mouth opens and closes and it looks like he’s trying to find the right words to say, “I-...I don-...oh my god, you’re actually here.”
You watch as the shine in his eyes turn to tears that slowly roll down his cheeks, his mouth struggling to decide if he wants to frown or smile. You’re more worried than anything, “Wah-! Don’t cry! Why are you crying?!” You reach for his hands that still rest on the sides of the box, mimicking what Taehyung had done for you when you first stepped up to the table. “Please don’t cry.”
“I can’t believe you’re here.” He says softly, his voice cracking ever so slightly. You’re still confused if he himself is happy or not, trying to make sense of why he’s crying when he just met you. You watch his eyes drift over you with an unclear expression. Was he happy? Was he sad? Were you supposed to be reacting the same way?
“You’re beautiful…” He says, teary eyes meeting your own.
“So are you.” You respond. It’s only after the words fall from your mouth that you realize what you said and you try to correct yourself, “Handsome! I meant to say you’re handsome! You’re very attractive in a very masculine way, but that’s not to say you don’t express femininity well when you choose to and you look good all the time and-” Amidst your struggle for the correct words, he’d begun to laugh at your own expense. Not how you imagined this meeting to go, you shrink back to your side of the table, “I’ll just stop talking.”
“No! Please, keep talking.” He begs, moving forward to come closer to you. He pulls on your hands that still connect across the table, squeezing to reassure you that he still wanted you to be near him. It felt so nice to have him hold your hands, so nice and comforting, that you must’ve missed the glistening in your own eyes, “Now you’re crying!”
Your hands pull from his to hide your face, “No I’m not, it’s just raining inside!” 
As you try to wipe away your tears, you hear the voice of Jimin call over the speakers just off to the side of the table, “You’re not supposed to make the fans cry!”
“I didn’t mean to!” Namjoon defends. In all fairness, you did make him cry first, so this was probably fair.
Hoseok claps his hands together, his voice just subtly coming through the speakers as well, “This is so sweet! We’re all witnessing two soulmates meet for the first time!” 
“It’s like a movie, but without the flower petals.” Taehyung adds, having a mic of his own on his side as well.
“Miss.” Another staff member appears next to you, only this time they’re offering a hand and a smile, “Could I have you come with me?”
You’re nervous at first, not sure if going with this staff member would be the best idea. However, the presence of Namjoon’s hand on your own once more draws your attention to his heartwarming smile, “It’s okay.”
You nod and stand, allowing the staff to lead you behind the table and into the hallway to a waiting area. They have you sit on the couch, assuring you that Namjoon and the others would be there to see you soon. This at least gave you a moment to collect your thoughts and come to the realization that you really just met your soulmate after so much hard work to get there. You’d thought plenty of times that you’d regret trying to meet him this way, but now you couldn’t be more elated that you actually got to speak to him and hold his hands. You made him cry - what were hopefully - tears of joy! Even as their manager sits down to make small talk with you while you wait for the end of the fanmeet, you can’t help but to feel as if you’re on cloud 9. 
It’s not too long until you hear that the meeting has come to an end, making your heart rate speed up. Once again, you take a deep breath in and let it out, preparing yourself to face Namjoon again. Only when he does come in, you both just stare at one another. Him from the doorway with his members waiting behind him and you from your spot on the couch. You’d already met, you’d already held hands, but this...he was right there.
“Well, are you going to talk to her or just look at her?” Jin asks, a mischievous smirk gracing his features as he stares at the younger.
It would seem that the small jab at the leader was all he needed to push himself forward, legs moving swiftly across the room in long strides just so he can reach you. You stand, intending to meet him halfway, but he’s already pulling you into a much needed embrace before you even get the chance. His arms wrap over your shoulders, caging you close to his chest as he leans down to rest his head on your own. He smells so nice, and his embrace is so warm, they almost distract you from the wetness you feel on top of your head.
“Namjoon…?” You ask, worried you might make him cry more by asking.
The man himself pulls back, quickly moving to wipe his tears as if he hadn’t already cried in front of you already, “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m so emotional right now.”
“Don’t apologize. I think it’s cute.” You assure him. You look down, feeling a bit embarrassed yourself, “Much cuter than showing up to your fansign with a bunch of your things.”
“How long have you known?” He asks.
“2 long and painful years.” You sigh. Thinking back on everything you’ve done since discovering who and where he was, you can’t help but be thankful it worked out this time around, “I’ve tried coming to a fan sign 3 times before this.”
“Couldn’t win a ticket?” Jeongguk asks from the side, a bottle of water in his hands.
Your sheepish smile turns into a strained one, “Yeah...we’ll go with that.”
Yoongi seems to pick up on your change in attitude, “Don’t tell me…” 
“No wonder the universe put them together, they’re a match made in heaven!” Jin laughs, the sound being much more entertaining in person. The other members of BTS continue to talk amongst themselves, discussing the scene before them as well as how exciting the day had been. But Namjoon, instead, focuses all of his attention on you.
“Please tell me you’re free for the rest of the day.” 
For once, you were more than happy to use your holiday time, “I’m free for the rest of the weekend.”
“Good.” He says, giving you another look at his beautiful, dimpled smile.
“Good...”
* * *
“So, what’s in the box?” 
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amazonworrier · 4 years ago
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Since you’re such a great writer, what are some of your favorite fics? Would love a list :)
Wow, I read the ‘since you’re such a great writer’ line and immediately assumed this was snarky anon hate haha, but thank you! What a lovely compliment.
I’ll probably get real anon hate for saying this, but I actually really struggle with how a lot of Brittana fics portray Brittany so a lot of the favourite fics that spring to mind don’t involve Brittana, even though that’s what I tend to write... Generally speaking, I just find that people overlook her autonomy as an individual character and write everything soooo much from Santana’s side of the story that Britt ends up feeling like a bit of a mouthpiece for whatever lesson Santana is meant to be learning. Or she just comes across as too dumb, or whatever. If the writing is decent, I’ll read those fics all the way through once anyway (because I’m a sucker for Brittana) but then I usually forget about them after that. 
The ones I always go back to are the ones that absolutely nail the characterisation/relationship dynamics we get in the show, then take it to new or interesting places. Sometimes that’s Brittana, sometimes it’s not. Often, it’s Pezberry or Quinntana. I just ship Santana Lopez with happiness, I guess... 
Top 5 (Glee):
1. Got You Stuck on My Body (Like a Tattoo) by random_flores - Quinntana. 
Seriously, I read this thing more often than I read anything else, fic or otherwise. It’s set slightly after the Quinntana slap then loosely follows s4 canon, all told from Quinn’s perspective. Chaotic Pezberry/Kurcheltana friendship, cute little OCs to keep Quinn company, somehow manages to respect Brittana while making you root for Quinntana. I live in hope it’ll either be updated or we’ll get a sequel from Santana’s POV but alas, it’s several years old now... 
2. I Don’t Want to Jump In (Unless this Music’s Thumping) by random_flores - Pezberry 
Pezberry future fic where Santana is a famous actress/DJ and she runs into Rachel after a few years of them not talking to each other. Rachel is a broadway star trying to make it big elsewhere, and she’s in an unhappy showmance with a man-child alcoholic. Pezberry excellence, a side of Faberry/Quinntana friendship, Kurt is an all-round legend, 100% respects canon Brittana up until Britt’s move to MIT, and Brittana are still close friends. I simply love everything about this fic. I want to go and re-read it right now, actually.
3. By The Light of the Moon by thefooliam - Brittana
They’re friends but nobody knows they’re friends! It’s a Grey’s Anatomy-esque AU and by thefooliam who wrote one of my favourite fics ever (Clexa) so obviously it’s gonna be good. Britt is a neo-natal surgeon (I think?) and Santana is the cranky paediatric surgeon who works the night shift with her all the time. Nails the characters, super cute, a little bit angsty, a dash of smut. What more could you want? 
4. Nothing Stays the Same til The World Ends Series by random_flores - Pezberry.
Is it obvious who my favourite Glee fic author is? Everything they write is magnificent, and I want to be like them when I grow up. This is a two part series. Apocalyptic Pezberry AU. Set roughly from season 2-ish onwards I think. Santana and Rachel get stuck trying to survive together after everyone else dies, and there are zombies (kinda). It’s just beautiful. End of story. I re-read it every time I want to hurt myself a little bit.
5. baby you don’t gotta fight (I’ll be here til the end of time) by therestisconfetti - Brittana. 
Remember how I said I didn’t like fics that ignore Brittany’s characterisation/POV? This does the exact opposite, and it does it really well. It’s basically all the moments Britt stood up for Santana that we didn’t see in canon, but probably should’ve. Also, as a side note this author does a heap of great missing-scene-esque Brittana fics, and I appreciate them all. So I’ve linked this one, but highly recommend reading the rest too. They make me feel things.
Bonus - one per ship, for equality: 
seen you skip that cautious lip by ratherembarrassing - Pezberry. 
Pezberry roommates drabble. It’s just cute/a little smutty. It’s kind of how I imagine canon Pezberry would’ve hooked up if that’d been a thing Glee was ever brave enough to actually do. 
I’m just saying by Eggandcheese - Quinntana.
Angsty as hell. Missing Quinntana friendship moments throughout canon, then some additional stuff post them sleeping together after Schue’s not-wedding. 
Rhythms by The Fooliam - Brittana.
Probably an obvious one because it’s a Brittana classic. Honestly, I’d re-read it purely for the body-shots scene alone. The rest of it is good too, but man, those body-shots...
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jeonggukkiepabo · 4 years ago
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MOONCHILD 🌙  6
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SUMMARY: Soulmates are a common thing. Everyone has one. Some people think soulmates are the greatest gift fate could give, others are envious about happy couples that were lucky enough to receive a wonderful partner. One of them was Min Yoongi. Your time to meet your significant other hasn’t come yet, stumbling into the tattoo parlor with a simple idea in mind, not knowing that you will be bound to step by more often. When you leave for the first time, you’ll go home with your masterpiece of a tattoo.
When you leave for the second time, you’ll go home with not only one, but two soulmates.
The man that was supposed to be your only soulmate, the one that never wanted to tell you that he woke up with the exact same koi karp tattoo just sits and watches - until he can’t take the pain anymore.
GENRE: Soulmate!Au
PAIRINGS: Y/N x Taehyung / Y/N x Jungkook / Taehyung x Jungkook / Taehyung x Jimin / Jungkook x Jimin / Hoseok x Seokjin / Y/N x Yoongi 
WORD COUNT: 8k
WARNINGS: mentions of anxiety, fluff, kissies, deep talk with yoongi, mentions of heartbreak
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Somehow, it was easier to warm up to Namjoon and Jimin than you thought in the beginning. It’s a weird feeling, growing comfortable around basically strangers, but it feels like you’ve known them since forever. Thinking about it now, you’d totally agree to what Jungkook and Taehyung said before: a bond isn’t something random and that it’s impossible to ignore it. To you, it feels just right, without any further explanations needed. You even stopped wondering why you always feel so at ease when one of your mates is around, why any fears seem meaningless when you’re with them.
Because you couldn’t be happier about the bond you shared with your four… now boyfriends. Your soulmates. The loves of your life. Of course, everything is still new for you and the group’s dynamics are still confusing to you, but as Jimin once said: you’ve got time. Things are getting easier every day and everything is falling into place slowly, allowing you to feel lighter every day. 
Soon enough, your spare days are consisting of either hanging around at the tattoo parlour or drawing in the bakery to at least spend some time with Jimin and Hoseok. You’ve grown closer to the latter, lucky to have a neutral person to talk to, someone unbiased when it comes to your lovelife.
He’s incredibly funny and you’d never complain about his teasing jokes, because you’re not the only victim; he’s unstoppable and your four boyfriends are his favorite target for his bickering. And Hoseok himself could only describe you with one word: endearing. He loves seeing you smile, loves to be the reason for your adorable reactions. The red haired man knows that he adores people way too much for his own sake, but you’re definitely one of a kind. He almost feels a soft lightning of jealousy whenever he notices how differently you brighten up once one of your soulmates comes into sight, but he’s quick to remind himself that he has an adorable soulmate on his own.
Hoseok even created a special cupcake flavor for you - a cotton candy cupcake with bubblegum frosting, pink and blue, melting on your tastebuds. 
“Hobi those are amazing!” You smile as you lick the frosting off your cupcake, sprinkles sticking to your nose as you do so. Hoseok grins, shrugging his shoulders as he places another one in front of you. “I know right? The bubblegum frosting kills it! This one is the last, though. I don’t want to feed you cupcakes all day long. They aren’t going to be special to you any longer if you keep eating several of them every day.”You pout, looking over to your boyfriend to save you. Surely someone will make Hobi cave right? No one can resist you; you always end up having what you want. 
“But I like your cupcakes, Hobi! Jimin, tell him that cupcakes are good for me. Some people might need vitamins, but I need cupcakes to live!” Jimin laughs, eyes disappearing as he holds up his hands in defence. Goodness, can you get any cuter? He can’t believe that their soulmate can be such a child sometimes. You’re worse than Jungkook and Taehyung and the three of you can become a dangerous trio.
“I can’t help it, peaches.” He walks over to you, bending down slightly to match your height. Then, he licks one fat stripe across your nose. 
“Jimin!” You screech at the disgustingly wet feeling, but your boyfriend just giggles, licking his lips slowly. 
“You had frosting on your nose, I couldn’t help it. Even though I have to say that I’m not a fan of the bubblegum.” He wiggles his eyebrows and you giggle quietly despite the sticky feeling not leaving your face.
“Yah! No sex in my bakery, Jimin go and do some dishes, mop the floor or do whatever you usually do at work!” Jin chimes in, gently slapping the back of Jimin’s head. You can’t help but laugh out loud as you notice Jimin’s dejected expression. He glares at you slightly, whilst you wiggle your eyebrow just like he did before. You get his “wait until we’re alone” message clearly and think that you might have to run away before his shift is done otherwise you might be in for a complicated time later.
“Karma, Minie. Thanks, Oppa! How are you doing, Jinnie? I haven’t seen you around in a while.” You smile sweetly, trying to distract him from your boyfriend before he gives him more work. The eldest sighs dramatically, showing you all the boxes he just carried inside the bakery. 
“I spent the weekend in my hometown to see my family, but also went to this kind of coffee expo, that’s where I got all that new stuff, coffee beans with rose aroma, different oils to infuse the coffee and pastry and even some of those little sprinkles Hoseok loves using - but those glow in the dark!”
You scrunch your nose worriedly. “Are those healthy?”
“Yah! Who cares about health if you can have cupcakes that glow in the dark? Sometimes you’re the worldwide funny girl, Y/N.” 
Jin laughs and shakes his head as he continues to carry the boxes into the storage room, mumbling how exciting those sprinkles are and that they were worth every cent. A big smile is plastered on your face and you’re sure it won’t fade anytime soon as you feel a warm sensation spreading through your entire body. This is one of your new safe places. You don’t know a lot about Seokjin and Hoseok, but they are possibly the nicest men you ever met (excluding your soulmates) and you often find yourself speaking with the two men, spending some quality time with them in the café. It feels like you’re a little family and you can’t help but giggle at the image that is now stuck in your mind; Jin being the loving grandma whilst Hoseok is the chaotic father that doesn’t even know his children’s friends' names.
“Hobi, please don’t put them on my cupcakes. I think Yoongi would love them though, they match his personality and that way you can test if they’re harmful or not.” You wink at the couple as you start collecting your belongings and shoving them into your backpack before returning your cup and plate to Jimin. 
“Thanks, Minnie. I’ll see you tonight, right?” You press a kiss onto his lips before turning around to Hoseok. 
“Hobi, help your man, you don’t have those strong arms for nothing! Thanks for the cupcake, I hope there’ll be more tomorrow!” Hobi laughs, shaking his head as he hands you a small bag of pastries for the boys in the parlour. You smile quickly before leaving. Jimin sighs behind, already missing your comforting presence.
“You have a lovely soulmate Jimin-ah.” Jimin perks up at the mention of you and he giggles quietly. Hoseok smiles at him, happy to see his friend so joyful, breathing happiness. Jimin has been glowing recently, and Hoseok knows who is responsible; and to be honest, he can’t really blame him.
“She’s the best”.
The days at the parlour are the most thrilling ones because Jungkook couldn’t stop suggesting to tattoo you, even if he’d only get to tattoo small little designs in hidden places. In the beginning, you were strictly against it, but his round doe-eyes combined with the adorable pout made it almost impossible to say no. And boy he knows it. He knows how to use his charms to make you cave in. So one day, you indeed gave in. 
“Fine,” you sighed, “but make me a small dinosaur, I want something cute on my ankle.” 
Firstly, he’s overjoyed that you said yes but then he replays the sentence in his mind and the thought is not so attractive anymore. Jungkook sighs, stomping his boot-cled foot on the floor. 
“A small dinosaur? Why not something more.. dangerous?” 
He can’t help but imagine you covered in his arts, only the prettiest pieces for you, and he can’t explain how much the thought arouses him. It has-scratch that-you have an effect on him that he can’t really comprehend. But… Come on, a small dinosaur? He expected better from you.
“I’m not dangerous, honey. I can still ask Yoongi to tattoo me one, though. If you’re not up for a challenge…” Smirking, you wait until he reacts, knowing that Jungkook would never say no to a challenge. 
But what’s making him silently snap is not really the challenge but the thought of someone else accessing your skin. No. He’s not going to allow that; it’s either him or Tae, but no one else. 
Behind you, Yoongi’s head pops out of the room he’s currently tattooing in. 
“I’d say no as well, I hate those minimalist tattoos,” he replies before closing the door again, leaving you more than confused.
Once you look back to Jungkook, he already prepared some small designs despite his complaints. There is no way he is letting someone else tattoo your perfect skin, so he prepared a little t-rex, a stegosaurus and a cute little triceratops. 
“The last one, the last one!” You clap your hands, excited for the new addition on your body. Jungkook grumbles, moving towards the desk to prepare a stencil.
“Get a girlfriend they said, it’ll be fun they said. Tae would never want a dinosaur tattoo from me.”
You frown, eyebrow raised as you look over to your boyfriend. 
“Are you saying you regret being my mate? Because last night when you had your dick between my boo-” 
“I didn’t say anything, calm down.” Jungkook rolls his eyes as he comes back to you again, pulling you into his own little tattoo corner. Sometimes you’re more dramatic than Jimin and he doesn’t know if he thinks it’s endearing or just slightly annoying. Usually, he goes for the first one.
Small tattoos were soon enough a weekly thing for you, sometimes Taehyung chimed in with an idea but it were mostly some scribbles from Jungkook’s sketchbook that caught your eye and were inked into your skin a few hours later. If the first dinosaur hadn’t really thrilled Jungkook, he began to adore these little additions to your skin somehow all fitting together. The two boys were getting protective of you and what you were getting on your skin, debating where and what to tattoo to make sure the whole would look pretty on you.
One day, Jungkook is just getting started to tattoo a little moon onto your wrist, next to the sun that he gave you last week when Yoongi comes into the parlour, cupcake and coffee in his hands. His eyes meet yours and for a second you see so many different feelings swirling in his orbs that you feel slightly uncomfortable, even with your boyfriend next to you. 
“Y/N, again? Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t have pulled you into the parlour. Don’t you have a workplace to be or another one of your several boyfriends to annoy? Jungkook, you need to charge her for all that material at some point, I’m not shitting money.”  The shop owner scoffs as he places his breakfast onto the front desk. You smile, ignoring his snarky remarks, because by now you know that all he does is bark but not bite. Yet, the gloomy feeling you have is not leaving your skin and you shiver for a second. Jungkook’s eyes snap to yours, worry written all over his features. You soothe him down as you feel his questions through the bond. Does he think he hurt you even though he still has not started the tattoo? 
“Oh, you got a cupcake from Hobi-oppa? Wait, is that the special one he makes for his friend? Poor soul, his friend didn’t pick it up again?” Jungkook giggles, having to pause the tattoo gun for a second to look at his Hyung’s reaction. He knows who the friend is and your confusion is just peak comedy. 
If only you knew what you had started.
Yoongi shoots him a warning glare before mumbling a “I’m the friend, you idiot”. It takes you a few seconds to understand what he just said and you realize why Jungkook is a giggling mess by now. 
Hoseok’s friend is Yoongi. 
Yoongi and Hoseok know each other and Yoongi picks up cupcakes on a regular basis even though he told you he wasn’t one for sweets. 
“You’re friends with Hobi? I’m sorry I didn’t know it was you otherwise I wouldn't have been that rude.” You smile sheepishly even though the blonde man seems to be ignoring you. “That’s so unexpected though, you’re grumpy and he’s a sunshine. I wouldn’t have guessed it, you must make an interesting pair. When worlds collide, huh” you chuckle as you watch Jungkook finishing the last line. “Thanks, bub!” You press a quick kiss onto his lips before he wraps your wrist, then you’re done. He knows that Yoongi is about to say more; the older is unable to finish a conversation without making sure that he has the last word, especially when it comes to Hoseok. Jungkook is not one to get involved where he shouldn’t, but sometimes he has questions that are burning his tongue even if she succeeds in keeping everything for himself. 
What you don’t hear is the painful sound coming from Yoongi as he watches you and Jungkook’s  bond playing games with him again. He’s been trying to deny that the bond hurt him when he sees you with someone else, but sometimes, it stings a little bit too much for him to ignore it. Your tattoo was still there, even after you accepted your other mates, so who was he kidding? He wasn’t even enough for you, he couldn’t replace any of those young men - not that he wanted to. You were annoying, too gigglish and beaut- always there, you were always there. Whether it’s the bakery or their parlour, your scent, your laugh and your voice are everywhere. It follows Yoongi and he hates every second of it. Sometimes he feels like Edward when he met Bella for the first time. Not that Yoongi watched Twilight. No. He has… just heard of it.
You are everywhere and he hates it. He truly wishes he had not dragged you into his shop because now you’re not leaving even though he’s doing everything to avoid you. 
But why does he even want you to be bothered? It's not like you mean anything to him, he has no reasons to expect a reaction from you right? Especially since you found other soulmates, far better than him apparently. You even spend more time with Seokjin and Hoseok than with him anyway. 
“Yeah, I’ve known him for quite some time now. Free coffee and cupcakes from time to time are a nice thing to enjoy.” 
Quite some time, sure, Yoongi thinks. What about your teenage years that you were inseparable? The crush you’ve had on him for ages? The one drunk kiss you shared the night before you turned 18? That drunk kiss could’ve activated the soulmate bond, but you chickened out and ran away like a baby, it’s your loss, bastard. Seokjin used his chance and what happened after that was obvious.
Yoongi turns his back to you to take a deep breath, his oversized shirt slowly moving down his shoulder and exposing his neck before he can do anything against it. He realizes his mistake a little bit too late even though he’s quick to turn around again, looking for any sign in each Jungkook’s and your face - obviously both of you realized something. He sees the confusion melting into a frown on your face and he cannot meet your eyes. This is happening, isn’t it?
“Why do we have the same tattoo, Yoongi?” 
The fact that he doesn’t even bother to answer is making you angry. Why the fuck does he has the same tattoo? You’re 100% sure of what you just saw, you look at this tattoo every morning before getting dressed. You know the lines by heart and it is not possible for you to mistake it by any means.
So why the fuck does he have your tattoo copied on his skin? Reasons and possibilities are flying through your racing and furious mind. You already imagine the worst. Maybe one of the boys even helped him? He cannot reach this place by himself. It means that someone else did it for him. Did one of your very own soulmates betray you like that? “I drew it myfuckingself and now you’re running around with a cheap copy of it? Who did it, Jungkook!” You’re on your feet, getting closer to the young man at a dangerously slow pace. Jungkook blinks at the sudden call of his name “Tell me. Did you or Taehyung help him?” He tilts his head obviously confused by what you are saying and it only angers you more. Is he playing dumb now? You know a tattoo when you see one and even though it’s not your job, you’re well aware that the place of the tattoo is not one someone can reach alone. Someone had to help. 
Jungkook is getting mad too as he starts pulling the puzzle together but he sighs, shaking his head. You are his priority, he has to get you to calm down first. You are a team, not against each other. “Neither Tae nor I knew about this, I’m as shocked as you are, love. We wouldn’t have done that, I promise you. A tattoo is far too personal for us to do something this low. Now though,” Jungkook glares at Yoongi, hands slowly balling into fists, obviously understanding what’s going on. Yoongi just smirks at him, happy to piss the younger off. “Don’t act up, Jungkook.”
At least Yoongi has the upper hand for now and if he can take a little advantage out of it, then he will. The angry face of Jungkook is too good to pass the opportunity. Though, Yoongi does not dare meet your eyes; he fears what he’s going to see if he does. 
“Act up? Why? What’s going on?” But both of them ignore you and this is only rilling you up. 
“You have some guts Yoongi, you still didn’t answer me!” You almost growl, looking at the white haired man whose lips are still holding that sassy smirk. He’s still not looking at you and the fact that he is ignoring you is pissing you off greatly. Who does he think he is?
“You knew about that and didn’t think it would be important to tell her?” Jungkook gets no answer so he goes on “you know what could’ve happened and yet, you didn’t tell her? She could’ve been in so much pain, you could have hurt her, don’t you fucking care at least a little? You rejected your mate without even telling her about it you fucking son of a bitch!” With one big jump, Jungkook was right in front of Yoongi, hitting him right into the stomach. 
But then, you realize it. The tattoo appeared on his skin because it became the link between you and him. Your bond reached him through the tattoo. 
Yoongi is your fucking soulmate and he obviously rejected you as he never talked to you about and seemed to be actively avoiding you. The thought alone causes you to shiver. You failed as a mate before even being given the chance to prove yourself.
You laugh darkly as your fears finally become reality. Four perfect mates who loved you and accepted you for who you were? This was only a story you find in books, not in reality.
 No, in reality you have five mates and one would rather be risking both of your lives (thus risking all of the others as well) than to try to speak to you about it. Your voice is caught in your throat when you realize that you’ve also put your four other mates in danger because of this. If you’d come to lose the bond with them, it could damage their bonds with each other and most probably could hurt them physically and mentally as well. The tears are hard to swallow, but you have to for now. You want to vomit when you remember what you’ve been told about mates rejecting their other halves. It’s unfair how your bond is manifesting only now when it never did even though it reached for Yoongi’s. Because it hurts so much you wish you had felt the pain before, just for it not to hurt as much as it does right now. 
You’re not really sure where the pain comes from but you’re lightheaded when you look at both men again. You see Yoongi on the floor and Jungkook’s rage is flagrant on his features. You never saw him that angry. You’re almost concerned for a few seconds but you laugh bitterly in your head. 
Are you that pathetic that one of your mates had to punch someone for you?
Even though Jungkook’s move is well deserved - and makes you feel somewhat better, because he seems to feel the anger you’re feeling as well - this isn’t his fight. You’re not one to enjoy fights. 
That’s not what you wanted.
Why have you been tied to all of them? It feels unfair. You’re only destroying what they have and not adding anything positive. Just looking at what is happening now, you only brought chaos.
Yoongi might not want you as a soulmate, that’s his own choice. It hurts, sure, but this has nothing to do with Taehyung or Jungkook because the tattoo happened before you were a thing. And now you’ve involved both of them, hurting both in the process and almost putting them in danger because of your bonds. You can’t let that continue, you have to find a way to stop everything.
Once you get a hold on Jungkook and are face to face with Yoongi’s cocky smirk, you can’t help the urge to just smack him across the cheek, tears spilling from your eyes before you leave into the locker room, knowing that Taehyung was just about to finish his break.
This is what Yoongi wanted, so this is what he gets. 
You have to leave, you have to find another place to be because you can’t breathe correctly. You feel Jungkook reaching through the bond but you’re trying your everything to refuse him access. How do you cut a bond without hurting someone? Is that even possible? 
You laugh over your thoughts as you notice that  you are trying to reach for comfort. What are you doing? Are you trying to leave or are you trying to seek for one of your soulmates? What are you trying to do? Feel validated by one of the four men you adore? What if it only made them realize what you are? You’re just a nuisance after all. You keep on ruining what they all have. Do you really deserve to be selfish once again and seek for one of them to comfort you? 
At least you know better than running to Jimin right now, because he would’ve told Namjoon, Namjoon would’ve called Taehyung and Taehyung would… You don’t even know what Taehyung would do, you don't even know what you are doing, you just don’t want to hurt or worry any of them, yet your mind is turning cloudy as you open the door and fall directly into Taehyung’s arms, bond reaching for his instantly. 
You feel pathetic. Running into your soulmates arms as soon as something is going wrong. You’re just going to worry Taehyung, which is going to worry Jimin, who is going to worry Namjoon and- And you can’t think anymore. 
Your mind is racing but you can’t focus anymore. The only good thing about finding Taehyung is that it’s better if he hears about what happened from you, rather than to understand everything by someone else. Besides, it feels a little bit soothing to have him close to you. You feel like you belong somewhere despite… Despite what Yoongi decided for you and for your bond. 
“Angel, what’s wrong? I can feel a lot through the bond, but it’s… Quite negative, what is happening?” Taehyung whispers as he strokes your hair carefully, embracing you in a warm hug that soothes your hazy mind a bit, but everything still feels suffocating. You just hope that your feelings aren’t fully communicated through the bond because you’re probably setting everyone in panic if so. You can’t contain your words but your labored breathing makes it difficult to actually explain what is happening right now to your confused soulmate.
 “Yoongi… he has my koi carp tattoo… He didn’t even tell me, god, Tae. Why me? He hates me, he so obviously h-hates me and now he’s mated to me as well? H-He doesn’t even want me and bad things happen to people that don’t accept the bond and it means that you g-guys are in d-danger because of m-me. God I r-ruin everything, I’m a-awful…” 
“Wha- shh, angel, slow down. You’re okay, you’re safe with me, alright? Don’t say those things about yourself, you're perfect sweetheart. You’re not ruining anything” Taehyung has to breathe a few times not to curse loudly and yell some pieces of his mind to his Hyung.
He respects Yoongi a lot, he has always been his mentor. But there are things that he does not tolerate and making his soulmate cry and panic that much is one of them. 
God, he has felt the urgency in his bond; you were trying to desperately find an issue. Had he not had his hands full of ink when the bond started to weigh his whole soul down, he would have flown to the lobby. He feels regretful for not throwing everything away in order to come to you. 
You and Jungkook are both way more precious to him than some disposable things. He knew something was wrong and he had tried to brush it off, thinking that you both were together and thus, nothing could happen to you. He should have followed his bond at the exact moment he felt something. 
Fucking shit, Yoongi is your soulmate? And he said nothing? What if something had happened to you because of his rejection of the bond? 
Taehyung is gritting his teeth; he has to calm down otherwise he’ll never soothe you down either. Yoongi is an asshole. Okay, he didn’t think that he would ever do something that low but he has to focus on you and soothing the ache in the bond. 
He tries to mentally erase the moment you started saying you were an awful soulmate because it is not helping him. He just wants to leave the room and find Yoongi. 
But Taehyung is an adult, he knows that acting rash won’t help.
He’ll get angry at Yoongi later.
“Jungkook is probably talking to him right now, even though I’m… Definitely not the biggest fan of his actions, Yoongi... I don’t really know if he does, but I think that Yoongi might deserve it right now. However, that’s Yoongi’s problem right now. You don’t have to endure it, nor to wait for him. It’s not because he is your soulmate that you have to think of him first, alright? Do you want me to take you home? Away from Yoongi? I don’t have any more clients, I should be doing some sketches but I can do those at yours if you want to. Think of yourself first for once, will you? If you feel like you have things to tell him, then we can stay, but I don’t want you to feel any kind of pressure for an idiot that didn’t even think of you in his decisions.” 
Tae kisses your forehead, but you shake your head no. 
“I have to talk to him about it. I want to know why he hates me so fucking much. Also, I want to return the right of having a soulmate, some people are overwhelmed with just one, now I have 4 and a half!” Taehyung smiles, proud of you. “That’s my baby.” His thumb runs on your cheeks, erasing the tears that escaped. 
“Whatever Yoongi chooses is not your responsibility, alright? It doesn’t change that we have a bond, the five of us and you are with us whatever happens, okay? You are an amazing soulmate, Angel. Don’t doubt it. The one who fucked up is Yoongi. Not you. Yeah?” 
You nod quietly against his palm and he kisses the crown of your head. You don’t feel quite ready to speak with Yoongi but you guess that you deserve to know the truth and the full story. He does owe you that, at least. 
It does surprise you that Jungkook and Yoongi weren’t fighting anymore once you came back into the lobby. Instead, they are seated on the couch and talking quietly, even though it’s more like a whisper-yelling from Jungkook’s side. You don’t really know how to feel, you’re confused and hurt obviously, but you’re going to have to be the bigger person and actually wait for him to explain if he wants to. Taehyung is reaching to you through the bond and you feel slightly more confident. You’ve been overwhelmed with so many feelings that you had begun to think about things that were so far from being the truth. Your mind just kept on escalating until you’d felt like nothing. You’ll have to thank Taehyung for grounding you. 
“Yoongi..?” You shyly ask as you make your way towards them - somehow afraid of the platinum blonde man. Biting your lip, you try to calm your anxiety down for at least the talk, but how could you without knowing how this day would end? 
You could either end up being heartbroken or happier than ever with a new mate, and with the way he always treated you, you don’t really feel like you have another happy ending incoming. It feels more like the start of the end. 
And besides, you thought about him only but Taehyung told you to think of yourself first: would you even accept him if he actually comes to tell you that he wants to pursue something with you? 
Would you let in someone who is not afraid to put everyone’s safety in danger just for selfish reasons? You’re trying to push the thoughts far from you for now. 
Live the moment and see what can happen: whatever happens, you’ll be able to say that you tried your best until the end. 
“Y/N,” Yoongi sighs and looks over to Taehyung, worry written over both their faces. You were just about to speak when Jungkook chimes in. 
“C’mon Tae, let them talk. I’ll explain everything to you.” 
The youngest stands up and presses a soft kiss onto your cheek before taking his boyfriends hand and walks back into the locker room. He sends you one last wink, silently cheering for you and you smile quietly. What do you have to fear when whatever happens, you’ll always have your soulmates cheering for you?
Yoongi swipes his hair out of his face, exposing his stern eyebrows before looking at you. God, he feels like an asshole. He knows that, technically, he has been one, but he never thought it would come to the point that he would knowingly hurt his soulmate. He always hides behind the fact that he’s in love with Hoseok, but that didn’t give him the right to hurt you. He should have at least told you…
“Sit down, please.” His voice is rough, almost exhausted but also sounds… painful? Distressed?
Slowly, you take place next to him, trying not to touch his leg, trying not to touch him at all. You’re still confused if you want to have anything to do with him to be honest with yourself. 
“I’m sorry.” You choke out, barely whispering as you lower your gaze, avoiding his cat-like eyes that are probably full on judging you right now. 
Yoongi tilts his head to the side, watching you confused. 
“Why? You couldn’t have known that this would happen, I couldn’t know - otherwise I wouldn’t be doing that job. I mean, I’m the one that should be apologizing in the first place. I should have handled everything differently, and the only thing that I can do now is to explain, but… Yeah, the thing is, I don’t believe in soulmates.” He quiets down for a short amount of time, creating a break between his words to gauge your reaction, but you don’t seem to be that surprised.
For some reason, it doesn’t sit well with him. He knows he has done enough damages but he wishes for a reaction rather than your expressionless face. “I don’t think that fate should be the one to select your forever and always, do you get what I mean? Of course, I’m pissed about the fact that I got mated to you, but it’s not you that makes me hate being mated. You have done nothing wrong and I’ve been taking my frustrations out on you, and I know it’s wrong but... It’s just… I’m in love with some fucking stupid red haired baker that loves to add too many star-sprinkles on top of cupcakes and…” It clicks too easily in your mind as those words leave his mouth. It doesn’t excuse him, but you finally understand why everything has been this way.
“You’re… You’re in love with Hobi...” You didn’t expect it yourself, but a big grin takes place on your face as you clap your hands excitedly. Just the fact that you finally understand what is going on is making you- not really happy but - something along the lines. Once more, Yoongi is confused, it’s not the reaction he thought he would get. Not at all.
“Yes, but…  Shouldn’t you be mad or jealous or something? I mean, not that I expect you to be, I’ve been nothing but an ass to you, but, that’s how I felt once you got mated to Taehyung and Jungkook, even though it’s my own fault… If I hadn’t changed your appointment…” 
He catches how your glance suddenly changes at this information. You don’t seem to be mad, nor surprised, but you’re acknowledging what he says, as if you had already considered this idea. “Anyways, I mean…  Aren’t you mad that I don’t want to be your mate?” 
You shrug your shoulders, not sure what to answer. It’s quite a dumb question. Of course you are. Of course you are hurt. It feels like you’re not good enough for him. But… You try to understand his side, and you're not sure how you would feel if you had been in love with someone for like, forever, and you suddenly have to accept and love someone else. It seems like something that you would have had a hard time carrying yourself, so who are you to judge him, or to be mad at him? 
“It’s rude, I guess. It doesn’t make me feel like I’m the most wanted human on earth for sure. It kind of feels like I suck so much that my own soulmate doesn’t feel like they can care or love me. So, the question is kind of easy to answer, I’d rather say that it stings, but who am I to be mad at you? I see your point of view and I’ve already got four mates that are caring and loving - three more mates than I thought I’d have. I never thought that I would have more than one soulmate. I’m always surrounded with love when I’m with them, so I'd say that knowing that there’s another man running around with my tattoo - a tattoo that means so much to me - is just overwhelming, knowing that you don’t want me as a soulmate hurts, but I’ll get over it if that’s what you choose, we’ll just have to be careful with our health because I’m not putting my mates’ safety in danger for you own comfort. Maybe we are soulmates to understand things and not to live them together. It does happen sometimes. I do agree with you, fate shouldn’t be the one to decide - but in our case, fate is just suggesting who to choose, don’t you think so? You decided against choosing me and we are still alive. Besides, I don’t…,” You seem to hesitate for a second, “I don’t feel a bond between us and you probably don’t feel that either.” 
You feel a bit bitter to lie like that. You didn’t feel it until today. Until you realized who he was to you. But you guess that you shouldn't try to make him change his decision. 
“But I do.” Yoongi whispers, finally looking up from the hole in his jeans. 
He tries to read you, but you’re not easily opening up anymore. He feels like it’s his fault, but he still sees that glimmer of hope inside of your eyes, and trustfully, it kills him, because he just wants to give in right now. Yoongi wants to be held, to be loved, anything. 
He just wants to feel. If he doesn’t accept you, would he ever get another chance again? Would there be another human soul accepting his own broken one?
“I fucking do feel bonded to you, Y/N. That’s the problem. I don’t want to smile whenever I feel you around. I don’t want to feel happy when I see your smile. And I don’t want to suffer just because I see you kissing Taehyung or Jungkook - even if you smile at them instead of me, it hurts. I want to be loved, I want to love. But the only person that exists for me is Hoseok. I’ve loved him since I was 16, but fucking fate destroyed  - I mean, not destroyed, wrong choice of words but - my chance of being mated to him disappeared for me that day. The man I’m in love with is mated to someone else, and now even I’m mated to someone else. How do you think it feels like to be rejected by the only person you’ve been interested in? And then there’s your soulmate, you’re supposed to love her, to be everything she’s waiting for, to care and be there for her and a month later she’s suddenly mated to four other men. What does the fabulous fate want me to do? Get into a polyamorous relationship with four men and one woman? Being not the third but the sixth wheel? I don’t think so.” 
You nod, slowly understanding his issues because that’s how you felt just a few weeks ago. From your dreams of a soulmate that would be your one and unique love, to your new reality composed of four men, who are absolutely amazing, do not kid yourself but, it’s so different from anything you thought would happen. It took you some time to accept what was happening, to accept four men who you’re supposed to be a lost part of their soul. 
You don’t really like the idea of being broken without your soulmates, but it feels just right when you’re with them. In a way, you understand why people came to say that. Because it’s so powerful that it’s hard to define it differently. 
Just like how Yoongi said that fate destroyed his chances with Hobi. 
You understand. Because it’s overwhelming, it’s new. It feels like no one can help you out. However, you have your soulmates. It’s been the five of you to get through it and to start your relationship. Yoongi on his side, he has no one to talk to. 
So, honestly? You understand him, as weird as it sounds. Even you, at some point, think that it isn’t right, that you shouldn’t be so understanding: you should be mad. You even thought about rejecting him if he wanted to pursue anything with you after all of that but now all your anger seems to have faded away. 
Yoongi was expecting it from you too. But no. You aren’t. You’re just glad that he finally decided to talk and to stop running away from you. You don’t want to prevent him from doing anything, you just want to be here for him, at least. He is not alone, and he will always be able to count on you. Maybe you’re meant to be soulmates in a… friendzone kind of way.
“I know, Yoongi. I get it, don’t worry. I mean, I probably should be mad, but I understand. I don’t want to force you into anything, you are your own person with your own belief and choices. I’m not your soulmate to berate you, or to be annoying or whatever. You’re just, not alone in this, you know? I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything with me or to get involved with me- but don’t you think you deserve love? Because... I think you do. Maybe love is what you need to get rid over the thought of Hobi being out of your reach? You need love to start a life where you only care about what the future holds, someone that helps to pull you out of that dark place. Crying and being upset over his bond with Jin won’t make your life easier. It would actually be the other way around. Maybe you need to let go, Yoongi. And once again, I’m not asking you to accept us. I mean, we don’t even know if you’re meant to be with the four other men in my life, and I know that Jungkook and Taehyung might not be your types, I thought so too when I realized that Jimin and Namjoon were a part of this too, but I gave them a chance, and I think that one chance might change everything. You already know all of them and I think that it is safe to believe that your two coworkers are your closest friends by now. You trust them, you take care of them even though you might not want to accept that. The bond doesn’t feel like we are forced to love each other, okay? It just happened and I don’t regret it. But it’s your decision, Yoongi. And I won’t take it away from you, just know that if you ever decide to accept me, accept us, then-” 
And then, he kisses you.
Yoongi kisses differently from what you would have expected. He wasn’t soft, shy or holding back anything. His kisses are hungry, frustrated and maybe a little bit aggressive.
This time, the bond didn’t feel like fireworks or butterflies in your stomach, it was more like an explosion full of bad energy that rushed over into your body. 
Yoongi grabs your face, pulling you even closer and as you put your hands on his cheeks, you feel them. Tears are spilling out of his eyes, the feeling of being complete finally settling into your bodies. It is amazing how a simple action holds so many consequences and feelings. It feels like you did something amazing, while you just kissed.
Once Yoongi breaks the kiss, he pulls you onto his lap, hugging you tightly whilst his body still slightly shakes from being overwhelmed. 
“It’s alright, Yoongi. We’re here, we’re together. You have all of us on your side,” you coo, trying to calm him down as you run your finger through his messy hair. 
He’s not alone, he has never been but if he never realized it and you’re going to change that. He’s going to be loved and cherished as much as he lets you. 
You’ll give him anything, you know it sounds desperate, but you feel so much for him. Goodness, he changed everything upside down in one kiss and one talk. 
You kind of hate it, but at the same time, it feels right. Maybe Yoongi is in it to prove to you that fate doesn’t do it all. You have to fight for your mates too. You can’t be given everything, love and trust is something that you gain. 
You’re starting to feel exhausted because of the ride you just did. You went from anger to pain, to despair, to anger again, to shyness, to compassion and finally you’re here, hugging your missing soulmate. 
“I’m so fucking sorry,” Yoongi whispers, eyes still spilling tears onto your shirt. “I treated you like shit, yet here you are, ready to soothe my pain.”
“Don’t, Yoongi. That was the past. Now we’re here. The healing begins.” You smile soothingly as his arms wrap tightly around you. He keeps on letting apologies fall from his lips and you don’t think that he listens to you when you tell him to stop. He doesn’t need to apologize, you understand him. However, if he feels like he has to, you’ll let him. You’ll give him all the reassurances he needs to walk further with you. 
Seconds later, Jungkook and Taehyung run back into the lobby, eyes wide and lips parted in shock. “What happened, Y/N? I just got a love boner and that wasn’t because Tae and I were basically-” 
“Oh, fuck it, Jungkook,” Tae groans. Then, his eyes fall on you and Yoongi, still embraced in a tight hug.
“Fuck, you did it, love.” His smile was generous, heartwarming and you just know he isn’t mad about the fact that you decided to love one more person. 
Quite the contrary, Taehyung is a perceptive man. He doesn’t really want to tell anyone, but he had known it. He knew it would end up like that, and he can’t wait for the time when you and all your soulmates will be able to be together and walk toward a better future. On the other side, Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows, disbelief visible in his eyes. 
“Yoongi, the fuck? You just said that you would never want her, minutes later you’re having her on your lap? Wow.” You feel the jealousy that washes over Jungkook, the boy doesn’t like sharing you, you are his baby, his best friend and his mate. He was fine that you were being mated to his soulmates, but Yoongi doesn’t belong to him. 
He doesn’t know if he would want him to be his as well, or if he’s just jealous that you give love to someone else, especially someone that just made you cry. Taehyung told him how he found you and Jungkook was not happy. Either way, he doesn’t like it too much.
“Jungkook,” you sigh as you press a chaste kiss on top of Yoongi’s hair before sitting down next to him, patting the free spot. “Can you guys sit down? We should probably talk.”
After all of you talked and came down from the emotional roller coaster, the atmosphere was much calmer. 
“I’m not kissing any of you, just to make that clear.” Yoongi looks at the two men, scrunching his nose in disgust. 
“I wouldn’t want to kiss you anyway.” Jungkook mumbles, earning a kick against his shin from you. “Stop it, Jungkook. You’re gay as fuck and Yoongi is good looking, of course you want to kiss him. I would,” Taehyung shrugs as he grins at the eldest. 
“I’m not gay, I’m bi. There’s a difference, because I like boobies too.” Jungkook pouts, looking at you to help him, but you just laugh, shaking your head. 
“You don’t have to kiss everyone, Jungkook, nor do you have to, Yoongi. It’s fine. Even though I’ve got to tell you that Taehyung is an amazing kisser. But maybe, one day it’ll happen. I didn’t kiss Jimin and Namjoon on the same day I kissed Taehyung and Jungkook either. But we have each other, and that’s what prevails.” 
Yoongi hasn’t felt that complete in a long time, yet here he is: happy. And strangely enough, he can’t wait to see what the future will bring. 
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ace-oreos · 4 years ago
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I love the way you write fordo and alpha! If you’re still doing asks could u do a one shot where Frodo is badly injured and Alpha saves his shebse? He’s pissed to all nine hells to mask how genuinely scared he is of losing him
AHHH thank you! That means so much! <3 I really love their chaotic dumb siblings who actually care about each other underneath the snark dynamic; it’s a blast to write them every time.
I’m starting to think I just might be able to write hurt/comfort instead of straight up angst. Who knew?? XD
The comm call Alpha has come to expect and dreads nonetheless comes not long after he returns to base thinking it’d be best for everyone if the Republic just pulled out of this one. The planet’s a mess, caught in the ugly crossfire of a back and forth we-want-what-you’ve-got that’s characterized the Republic’s mindset lately. It’s no way to run an army, but no one ever thinks to ask Alpha’s opinion anyway.
The message - passed on in harried, strained tones by one of Fordo’s subordinates - leaves an ache in his throat and his pulse hammering a restless, frantic rhythm. We don’t know how it happened. Everything was moving so fast…  
In another world, the comlink slips from numb fingers and feelings he can’t begin to describe fill the subsequent silence, leave him choking and drowning -
But he can’t afford to fall apart. 
Alpha reverts to the basics. Armor plates attached to the bodysuit, helmet snapped into place, comms up and running. Run a cursory check of his armor’s systems, ensure his weapons are fully operational. He’s not leaving anything to chance; Fordo’s men aren’t entirely confident the area is secure.
It doesn’t take him long to find the site of the ambush. They’ve been wary of this pass from day one - horribly exposed and overlooked by steep slopes, they’re confined to the one fixed route that dissects the mountain range. With little to offer by way of cover, the half-kilometer between the base and the valley has become a hotspot for enemy contact. 
After five weeks on the ground, Fordo knows the dangers as well as he does. And look where it got you. You shabuir, you told me you would go careful and yet you throw yourself into the line of fire the first chance you get.
And isn’t it just like Fordo to take a hit to spare a brother without a second thought. So Alpha can’t be - shouldn’t be - selfish. Shouldn’t feel as though Fordo has betrayed him somehow. 
“Captain.” Fordo’s second offers a weary salute. 
The last thing Alpha wants is to be captain right now, but for his brothers’ sake he does his best to keep his fear and everything that accompanies it under wraps. Then Fordo’s voice reaches him, and that carefully constructed veneer nearly buckles. 
“You’re overreacting, Seventeen.” Fordo is propped against a rock while the squad’s medic works. Blood oozes sluggishly between the armor plates on his torso, and his face is a mess of blood and dirt, but he’s alive. “Riding to the rescue isn’t your style.”
“I just couldn’t say away,” Alpha says sardonically, fighting the urge to assess Fordo’s wounds for himself. Their medic is perfectly competent and would likely operate more efficiently without an ARC breathing down his neck. 
“Lucky you didn’t get your head blown off, running into a combat zone like that.”
“I don’t think you’re in any position to be lecturing me,” Alpha shoots back before he can catch himself.
“I told you.” Fordo directs this at his second. “This is exactly why he wasn’t supposed to know.”
The man’s expression is studiously blank. “Whatever you say, sir.”
“I told him you’d only fuss,” Fordo continues, then breaks off with a grimace. “Then again, maybe you had reason to, yeah?”
“Di’kut,” Alpha says, even though there are a number of other things he’d be more than happy to say right now. Reckless and foolhardy and just about everything else Alpha himself has been branded by none other than General Kenobi.
Fordo’s second interrupts. “Unless we’re looking to be a welcoming party for the next Separatist patrol, it’s time to get moving.” 
___________________________
“Have you lost your mind?” 
“Keep your voice down,” Fordo says amicably. “Acting all huffy won’t do you any favors.”
“Won’t - you nearly died, you shabuir - ”
“Well, you’re in luck, ‘cos I’m not dead just yet.”
“I’m not sure that counts as lucky,” Alpha snaps. It’s only a matter of time. I thought I would be able to handle it. Now I’m starting to wonder...
“I’m touched, Seventeen. Really.”
“Osik, you’re a pain.”
Fordo flashes a crooked grin. “You’ll miss me when I’m gone.”
This is why I tried to push you away. “Keep dreaming.”
“Well, with an attitude like that, I guess I’ll just have to watch my own back, then.”
“And then what?” Alpha demands. It comes out more harshly than he intends, and he feels a faint twinge of regret when Fordo looks taken aback. It’s soon swallowed by something bigger, something looming and tumultuous and painful in a way that makes his chest tighten and his hands clench. “Whatever’s left of you is left to rot on some hellhole, and screw the galaxy?”
Fordo’s composed weathering of Alpha’s temper is giving way to anger. “The galaxy has screwed us over from day one. If the most I can hope for is that my death serves a purpose somehow, then so be it. I can’t take issue with that.”
“I’m sure the shabuire sitting fat and happy in the Senate will be glad to know their osik got in our heads,” Alpha snarls. 
“What happened to serving the Republic? Getting cold feet, Seventeen?” There’s awful sarcasm in Fordo’s voice, but there’s still truth in his words, and it stings in a way Alpha isn’t prepared for. 
“You know I would choose our vode over the Republic any day.”
“That’s rich coming from you. So you’ve had a change of heart since Kamino - ”
Alpha is on his feet now, blood boiling. “We had orders. I wasn’t going to throw it all away.”
“Jango’s man to the last,” Fordo spits out, all acid.
“You were dead for all I knew!” 
A range of emotions play across Fordo’s face. Alpha looks away, grappling with nauseating shame and a sort of blind fear he’s never experienced in such an abject way. 
His brother’s voice is soft when he finally says, “Sev.” 
He can’t shake the sense that he’s failed somehow. Failed his father, failed his brothers, failed everything he’s ever fought for - 
“Alpha,” Fordo tries again. His hand finds Alpha’s, holds on tight. Alpha can’t bring himself to pull away. “It’s okay, ner vod. I didn’t realize… ”
“You really thought I didn’t care?” Alpha asks softly. I tried not to. I thought it would be better for everyone that way.
“I never can tell just what’s going through your head.” Fordo pauses. “But I think I knew. In your own way, of course.”
Alpha swallows his pride and starts, “Look, I’m sorry if - ”
“Don’t,” Fordo interrupts. His voice softens. “There’s nothing to apologize for.”
He offers a small smile, and the knot in Alpha’s chest begins to unwind. He manages to return a halfhearted smile of his own. He’s navigating unfamiliar territory - and he’ll have to confront it again someday - but for now… well, he prefers to focus on what’s in front of him. 
Fordo squeezes his hand and lets go. “Okay, alor’ad?”
Alpha can’t help rolling his eyes. “I’m starting to think you should’ve been assigned to Kenobi. You’re awfully dramatic.”
“Denial isn’t a good look on you, ner vod.”
“Oh, come off it,” Alpha huffs. “You and Kenobi could have your own holodrama.”
“You’re delusional.”
“You just don’t want to admit I’m right.”
In the end, neither of them are willing to admit defeat, but Alpha leaves the med tent undeniably smug for the truce he managed to negotiate.
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starkerintheparker · 5 years ago
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starker reclist - AUs
Hey guys! Welcome to the second part of my personal Starker reclist, dedicated to AUs. Last week I posted my canon-based recs, you can find them here.
I tried to incorporate as many tropes as I could, hoping everyone will find something special within their interests. There are a few a/b/o and underage fics, all properly tagged in case anyone wishes to avoid them. I also tried to highlight soulmate AUs because I reckon it’s a somewhat popular trope. Enjoy! ❤️
Last updated: April 25th, 2020. All new fics added will be marked with ***
• 007 AU by @darker-soft-starker (T, 4k, completed)
Summary: Undercover and bored at an art auction, Tony finds entertainment in Peter Parker.
Review: Look, I’m a simple woman. Daniel Craig has owned my ass ever since Casino Royale and I was reading 00Q and Hartwin before I even shipped Starker. Point is, I like spy movies, ok?! So naturally I couldn’t leave this fic out of my reclist. I you need further incentive, consider this quote: “What, a little late night espionage not romantic enough for you?” Peter retorts, whipping a pistol out from his jacket and aiming it at Tony’s chest.
• 3 Times I Told You I Loved You & 1 Time You Said It Back by @starkeristheendgame (E) background Peter/Steve, Peter/Bucky, Peter/Scott
Summary: Peter Parker confesses his love to Tony Stark three times. Once at ten, once at fifteen and once at twenty. Finally convinced that Tony will never love him back, Peter ventures out into a different path, desperate to find the love he seeks from someone else. But you know what they say about star-crossed lovers.
Review: This lovely fic holds a very special place in my heart. I’m so invested I decided to wait until it’s finished so I can read it all in one sitting. Peter’s longing and heartbreak hurt my poor soul but I trust Jensen to give me that promised Starker endgame - I know it will be glorious when it finally comes.
• A Night on the Town by @scarletmanuka1 (G, 2.3k, completed)
Summary: Nightclub AU. Years after the events of Endgame, Tony has hit rock bottom. The Snap left him crippled, Pepper has abandoned him and has taken Morgan with her, and he's feeling old and lonely. Peter arranges a night out at the nightclub that he works at to try and cheer Tony up.
Review: I love get together fics, especially if it involves oblivious!Tony getting his shit together and going after his man. Seeing him bitter and broken after Thanos was hard, but special kudos to IronBros moments because that friendship is true goals!
• Age of Adeline by @starkerforlife6969 (completed) background Harley/Peter, Bucky/Peter, Wade/Peter
Review: I’d never in a million years think about this movie as a Starker AU but gosh, this is everything I needed in my life and it completely devastated me but I loved every minute of it. As a devoted monoshipper, I was surprised to realize that I got emotionally involved with all pairings, even more so with Starker, which totally paid off. Gorgeous, powerful and heartfelt. God bless SFL.
• assume makes ass for u and me by @pretty-well-funded (M, 1.6k, completed) tw underage
Summary: In Tony’s defense, he was sure the kid was a rent boy.
Review: This 1.6k fic caught me completely off guard and now I’m crying because I need MORE. I love the premise, the dialogue is criminally good, their voices are amazing and I can’t get enough of cheeky!Peter charming Tony with his wit and filthy mind.  
• Bamf!secretary Peter by @starkerforlife6969 (M, completed)
Review: Who could ever resist some corporate espionage drama with bamf!Peter leaving Tony speechless and horny? Not me. I’d read more 30k of this verse because competent, sassy Peter Parker is such a kink, omg.
• Biker!Tony by @starkerforlife6969 (T, completed) Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Review: Same age AUs are not usually my thing but I can’t resist cute high school sweethearts written by this fandom goddess. Plus, protective!Tony calling Peter “doll” does things to my heart - and Peter’s.
• Breaking Character by @cagestark (E, 8.3k, completed)
Summary: Tony Stark, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, and spy for SHIELD. Working with another SHIELD spy, the infamous Spider, he will take down an infamous human trafficking ring in New York. But the act they have to put on will demand more from Tony than he ever thought he'd have to give. Not that he minds.
Review: The spy trope seriously needs more fic like this one, because I’ll have bamf!Peter lying back to save his country while Tony freaks out any day. Cage hits the perfect balance between plot building, fantastic sexual tension, clever dialogue and the hottest smut sequence. What a ride! (Pun intended).  
• Curiosity Killed the Cat by @areluctantsblog (T, 1.5k, completed)
Summary: Peter has been modelling in an art school for years. He's used to strangers' eyes roaming his body - clothed or naked - and he knows that it's not him they are looking at. Not him who they are interested in. He's just a model, a tool for their work. And for a long time he doesn't notice the one pair of eyes that, despite seeing him but rarely, is looking right at him.
Review: Very soft and atmospheric, this fic left me in a bit of a daze and it took me a while to realize it was over. Great writing will do that to you.
• Detective!Tony, Graffiti Artist!Peter by @starkerforlife6969 (M, completed)
Review: Oh don’t mind me, just appreciating this author’s talent at writing from the filthiest smut to the softest “Tony saves Peter in all ways that matter” like this ficlet. We stan.
• Eat at Pete’s by feyrelay + glorious art by @peachbabypie (E)
Summary: Peter gives him an unimpressed look, “If you didn’t do your work, then you wouldn’t be able to earn my time though, would you?” Pfft. “Kid, I have more money than god. I can splurge on your delicious pancakes and attention, trust me,” Tony informs him loftily. Peter smiles that wicked, crooked little smile that's just for him. It's not even and perfect like his the-customer-is-always-right one that's more frequently on offer. “I didn’t say you couldn’t afford it. I said you wouldn’t have earned it.”
Review: How can we ever say no to dom!Peter putting Tony in his place and hopefully on his dick + Tony loving every second of it?? Their dynamics are fantastic and that TASTY COUNTER DIALOGUE KILLS ME. EVERY TIME. Check it out and come scream with me: sub!Tony rights :D
• Fire and Ice by LeafyGreenQueen773 (M, 3k, completed) Soulmate AU
Summary: AU where when someone writes on his or her skin, the same thing shows up on their soulmate in the same place as a Mark that fades away in a few hours.
Review: This was the first Starker soulmate fic I’ve read and it made my heart ache so soft and good. Lovely and bittersweet, quiet and painfully honest. 
• Genius, Acrobat, Playboy, Philanthropist by @scarletmanuka1 (E, 28k, completed)
Summary: After Peter's aeriel acrobatics partner, Adrian Toomes is fired from The Avengers Circus Troupe for theft, he is shocked to discover that his replacement is non other than legendary performer, Tony Stark - the man that Peter had hero worshipped since he first learned how to tumble. 
Review: After reading this fic I realized I need more Circus AUs in my life. I could read jealous idiots falling in love while doing beautiful acrobatics for the rest of my days. Original plot, nice character development and I really appreciated how the author inserted little canon things here and there. 
• Happy to Disappoint by @deaded-blush (M, 60k, completed) tw underage, domestic violence
Summary: Adrian Toomes is in quite deep with notorious mob boss Tony Stark. But when Tony comes to collect the debt owed, he's surprised to discover Toomes has an adoptive son. The chance meeting changes the direction of both their lives...
Review: Hands down one of the best Mafia!AUs I’ve ever seen. Read it all in one sitting and by the end I was SHOOKETH and utterly obsessed with this story. Nothing about it is okay so brace yourself for whump!Peter and lots of h/c. Bonus points for an incredibly satisfying ending that will make you gasp out loud.
• Hey Baby, Slip between my Beta-Pleats and get to know my Alpha-Helix? by @starkerforlife6969 and @darker-soft-starker (E, 37k, completed) A/B/O
Summary: Even though Tony can't tell the difference between Manolo Blahnik and Jimmy Choo, Peter really has no other choice. His heat is around the corner, so even though he loathes the party-going, booze drinking, smug playboy know-it-all that is Tony Stark. He'll just have to do.       
Review: I can’t believe life went on as we know it (or did it??) after these two geniuses wrote together. This is the Starker version of “enemies to lovers” we all wanted and deserve, where spoiled-bratty-posh princess Peter finds the perfect balance for his chaotic energy in goofy-unapologetic-charming playboy Tony. Their falling in love is just so tender, so genuine and so good, it’s impossible not to cheer for these two sweethearts through this delightful, carefully crafted story.
• If you let me by @css1992 (E, 12k, completed)
Summary: Peter had tried dating younger guys, but it just didn’t do it for him. They were often too eager, too fast, too rough. Just too young, in general. Not that older men couldn’t be too much, too, Peter learned it the hard way. The man looking back at him from across the room seemed like a good one. He knew he shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but he was gorgeous. Possibly the most handsome man Peter had ever seen in his short life.
Review: I remember the first time I read this fic it hit me in such a powerful way I cried a bit and was too overwhelmed to do words and tell the author just how much I loved it. But I never forgot this fic or the way it made me feel. It’s so evocative, so sexy, so raw, so heartbreaking, so sweet and so gentle. Great atmosphere, even greater characterization and some of the hottest smut I’ve ever read. Treat yourself and check this out right now.    
• I’ll be Home by @starkerforlife6969 (M, completed) A/B/O
Summary: The story starts when Soldier Tony comes home for a few days, and is introduced to the love of his life.
Review: Will I ever stop reccing SFL’s works? Maybe, but today is not the day. This gorgeous, breathtaking fic attacked me in my own house during Christmas day and made me cry like a baby. I’m a sucker for reunion stories - the longing, the heartbreak, the power of endurance. This fic reminded me that no matter how long or difficult the journey, love will always find a way.
• Little Spider by @stfustucky (iwillpaintasongforlou) (E, 5k, completed)
Summary: Peter Parker is one of the country's best hitmen, known in the underworld as the Little Spider. He spends his days in the lap of luxury with his billionaire fiance Tony Stark, and his nights doing dirty work for various shady characters. Life is good, right up until someone puts out a hit on Tony and wants Peter to pull the trigger. It... might be time for them to have a talk.
Review: Omg this fic was so deliciously good in a totally surprising and sexy way. Bamf!Peter took my breath away with the perfect balance between his two personas. Tony getting off on that sheer power and confidence is a BIG MOOD and my second favorite thing in this fic. The first being the badass power couple they make. 
• love somebody like you (E) by @intoxicatelou
Summary: five times Tony was Peter’s roommate and one time he was his soulmate instead.
Review: Who doesn’t love some forced proximity mixed with the unbeatable soulmate trope? This plot is the hottest take and my heart cannot handle young!Tony with his brilliant mind and sassy charm protecting and flirting with Peter, unfff feels everywhere *cries in Starker*
• Love Thy Neighbour by @darker-soft-starker (T, 2.3k, completed)
Summary: Tony's new neighbour is kinda weird.
Review: I know I keep saying that same age!AUs are not really my thing but I’m the softest bitch for feel-good, cozy domesticity, and I love how this charming story shows that ordinary life become magical when shared with someone special. I could babble all night about how eccentric and confident Peter seduces our man of science that for once has absolutely no idea of what’s going on - but you really should see it for yourself right now :)
• Mafia Boss!Tony Break Up Make Up by @starkerforlife6969 (E, completed)
Review: Man, this fic was so rude to my heart. The heartbreak, the rough sex, the guilt, the hopeful make up, the gorgeous ending. My body literally cannot take the stress, why are Mafia AUs so doomed and beautiful and more importantly, why is SFL so good at writing them???
• Microcosm Series by @bloomblood (M, 32k) tw underage
Summary: Tony and Peter become each other’s heroes after the Snap, saving themselves before they offer aid back to the world.
Review: I haven’t read many post-apocalyptic fics but this series’s raw atmosphere sucked me in. I adore the quiet intimacy, the slow and tentative healing, and all the silent and complex emotions underneath apparent simplicity. Big aesthetic mood, just as its lovely author. 
• Musechaser by @nightskygardenia (M, 10.5k, completed)
Summary: Eighteen year old art student Peter Parker is desperately searching for his muse, someone who can bring his creative skills to the next level through inspiration. Lucky for him, his next class just so happens to feature a gorgeous model by the name of Tony Stark, a man Peter's convinced is his muse, to the point of staying after class to ask for private modeling sessions.
Review: Another big aesthetic mood, this fic paints a gorgeous imagery. I love the setting, the slow pace and the building anticipation until the sexual tension finally breaks. Peter is adorable and Tony exudes confidence; their voices are spot on and their chemistry is palpable and intense.  
• My Best Friend’s Dad by @darker-soft-starker (M, 17.6k, completed)
Summary: Peter is home for the summer, back from his first year away at college. Having stayed over at Harley's house every weekend since they were fourteen, he never used to think much of his friend’s dad. A few years worth of college experience has Peter noticing Tony in a different way. This time, Tony notices him back.
Review: Turns out that Tony Stark being a dad and a daddy is too much for my body. I worship this fic. I wanna get married to it and have its babies. No words will ever make it justice *sobs* no but seriously, secret relationship is a perfect Starker trope and this one will take you to the edge of your seat until the very end. A+ characterization, lovely build up, infuriating cliffhangers and the wholesome happy ending we all deserve. This is the kind of fic that leaves you a bit depressed once it’s over, because you suddenly realize you’ll never read it for the first time ever again. So get to it and make sure to enjoy every second!
• One Call Away by @readysetstarker (E)
Summary: Tony didn’t need the phone sex gig. He was more than well off, his own sex life was in great shape, but damn, there was just something about listening to someone else get off to his voice. 
Review: Omg who could ever resist sex hotline + daddy kink + identity porn? Dev is coming after our own hearts and bodies with this hot combo. I love the balance between their cute chemistry and the hot phone sex, plus the identity porn is deliciously fun. I was so happy to know this fic is getting longer than the author had previously anticipated because I’m definitely not ready to let it go.
• Open Road by @starkerflowers (E, 2.5k, completed)
Summary: It’s not love, but it’s good. TW: implied abuse (not between Tony/Peter); bruises/violence; panic attack. 
Review: This refreshing not-quite-a-love-story will capture your heart, make it hurt, make it ache, make it hope and finally, make it heal. This fic is so gorgeously written I honestly cannot rec it enough. Yes, it’s dark and angsty, but it’s also gentle, hopeful and deeply evocative.  
• Panty Raid by @starkerforlife6969 (M, completed) A/B/O
Summary:  Imagine Tony being forced to do a panty raid as an initiation for his fraternity. So Tony, keeping up his playboy appearances, sneaks into the omega dorms. And he sees sweet innocent Peter who is so alarmed by the alphas raiding their dorm Tony can’t help but comfort him.
Review: Unf this fic is just too charming and cute, my heart cannot take it. Frat stories are so fun they make me forget my preference for age gaps and realize I could read more 50k of protective young!Tony any day, please and thank
• Pete’s Eats by @darker-soft-starker (T, 9.3k, completed)
Summary: Peter has a YouTube channel where he just drinks wine and teaches people how to cook things if they live in a mediocre apartment. While cooking and drinking he just talks about stuff like memes and school and, most importantly, his undying thirst for Tony Stark.
Review: This is legit the funniest shit I’ve ever read, everybody else can go home. I was already sold on Peter being a relatable thirsty dork, but Tony’s A+++ characterization (for a moment I thought it was RDJ on the big screen) and the identity porn side trope killed me for good. And what a way to go. I’m an angst hoe but I could read this forever and would be okay with it. 
• pondus, pondera by spqr (M, 9.3k, completed) underage prostitution but not between P/T
Summary: Peter sells his virginity for $5,000 when he’s fifteen.
Review: Ugh I’m so weak for the angsty hooker trope, I just love the potential to simultaneously explore whump, mutual pining and gentle recovery. Trust spqr to deliver it all with a carefully crafted slow burn, god-tier characterization and a heartfelt and satisfying get together. This fic is a gem.
• Powerful by @cagestark (E, 4.6k, completed) SIM!Tony
Summary: After finding out about Peter's abusive ex, Tony privately vows revenge.
Review: This fic took my breath away and made me realize that dark!Tony with a soft spot for Peter is everything I need in my life. Precious Peter being empowered by a viciously protective Tony is now my absolute jam, and it was fascinating to see see their dynamics mutually feeding each other’s nature. This fic is gorgeous, sexy and liberating. 
***Red Light District series by @starker-stories (17k, ongoing)
Summary: Everyone knows that Tony Stark is a playboy who has dozens of women passing through his life and through his bed. What everyone doesn't know is that Tony Stark is deeply closeted, longing for something he can't ever have -- a life and a love with another man.
Review: I’m completely in love with this series and not only because it explores the good old hooker trope which I’m very partial to. It’s so well written and atmospheric, if a tad bittersweet and heart-wrenching. Great narrative tension, Tony and Peter’s chemistry is insane, their voices and dialogue are amazing and the smut is looong and scorching hot *chef’s kiss* 
• Samadhi by @starkercrossedlovers (E, completed)
Summay: Tony goes to yoga to try and deal with his anxiety and ends up falling for the instructor, one Peter Parker.
Review: Okay so yoga fics are among my guilty pleasures and I can’t get enough of feel-good fics like this one. Peter’s such a sweetheart, so thoughtful and amazing with Tony. I love it when they take care of each other and find solace together, this fic made me soft :’)
• Single dad baker!Peter and lawyer!Tony by @starkerforlife6969 (G, completed)
Review: I’m not usually a fluff girl but this fic is just too wholesome to go by unnoticed. Nothing hits my soft side harder than a cynical character reaching that turning point that makes them start to believe in love. Fuck yes, YOU SHOW THAT MAN SOME HAPPILY EVER AFTER PETE
• Soft Kitty by @ko-fiandfanfiction (E, 33k, completed)
Summary: Peter wasn’t wearing something Tony would call normal, not that there was anything inherently wrong with what he was wearing or anything. It just struck him as…different. To put it plainly. Tony is not sure what to make of this new development.
Review: For those of you who love some occasional feminization, this is the perfect treat. Soft, sexy and sweet, it combines top guilty, pining Tony with oblivious idiots in love, two of my favorite tropes. Amazing slow burn with glorious sexual tension, infuriating dancing around each other and a very satisfying get together. Bonus points for including the “Avengers living together in the Tower” trope, this is the 2012 team building fic we deserved.
• Solitaire by @darker-soft-starker (M, 29k, completed)
Summary: After a traumatic experience, Tony loses his marriage and his business empire in one fell swoop. At rock bottom, it takes real change to pick up the pieces, to dig himself out of the funk he's been living in. It's not pretty. Along the path of healing Tony meets a bright young man, Peter Parker, who makes the entire journey worth it.
Review: Oh man, this was a tough ride on the soul. Few things hurt me like reading whump!Tony but his healing journey is so beautiful it’s all worth it. Top notch characterization, amazing dialogue, FEELS EVERYWHERE, and a gorgeous portrayal of loneliness, friendship, hope and love.  
• Someone Who Makes you Happy by tuesday (T, 6k, completed) Soulmate AU
Summary: Peter was born with several marks already marring his skin, including an interlocking AES over his heart. A scar-sharing soulmate AU.
Review: This fic is absolutely stunning and it makes my heart ache in all the right places. Great worldbuilding (I LOVE the scarring concept, so unique and fitting to these characters), A+++ Tony characterization (the wit and the self-hate are so spot on I could weep) and a journey full of longing, until they finally get to be on the same page. 
• Splice by Mezzymet (E, 35k, completed) A/B/O
Summary: "He's not...." The doctors polite nature and disposition hadn't been able to mask the odd tone of his voice, like he had been reading someone's death certificate. Only Peter hadn't been on his death bed. "Peter isn't like the other kids.
Review: I keep coming back to this story because it’s such a fascinating and unique take on this trope. Very well thought and put together - the world building is fantastic, the sex sequences are breathtaking, and Tony’s gentle thoughtfulness makes me wanna cry.   
• Stopover by @cagestark (E, 10k, completed)
Summary: A stopover is just a break in a journey. Tony is on the run from the organization he used to kill for, and when he stopped for gas and coffee in the small town of Stopover, IL, he had no plans to leave with anything more.
Review: *sigh* this is the mob boss!Tony fic I’ve waited for all my life. Even more impressive than the delicious smut checking all my kink boxes was the phenomenal build up, the overall urgent atmosphere that surrounds those “on the run”, combined with the gentle wonder of stealing a moment in time to find solace in the most unlikely place. Breathtakingly moving. 
• Student Body President Election by @starkerforlife6969 (T, completed)
Summary: Tony and Peter are competing for Student Body President and a smear campaign takes things a little too far.
Review: GIMME ENEMIES TO LOVERS AND ALL THE HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA. This ficlet is so fun and adorable it will make your heart smile. Great plot idea and the usual bonus points for protective!Tony being a sweetheart. Will have more 30k, pls and thank.
• Such a Softer Sin by @css1992 (E, 18k, completed) background Peter/Norman
Summary: Tony is a self-made man. Peter is a sugar baby – someone else’s sugar baby.
Review: Another fantastic slow burn that hit me hard in the feels. I love it when fics explore the characters’ personal struggles before they get together, and while the Peter!whump destroyed my heart, Tony’s parallel journey of growth took my breath away. css1992’s talent took the good old sugar baby trope to a whole new epic level. 
• Summer Daze by @darker-soft-starker (NR, 4.3k, completed)
Summary: Starker no-powers au where Peter watches construction worker Tony from his bedroom window as the older man works across the street.
Review: Ahh yes, the classic “food as metaphor for love” trope, my absolute jam. This fic is so adorable and endearing, pining!Peter in his wooing mission makes my heart ache and the sweet anticipation is so good. There’s something about this fic that gives me nostalgia; it’s as soft and warm as a summer breeze.
• Tamed by @cagestark (E, 8.3k, completed)
Summary: Tony Stark, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, and spy for SHIELD. Working with another SHIELD spy, the infamous Spider, he will take down an infamous human trafficking ring in New York. But the act they have to put on will demand more from Tony than he ever thought he'd have to give. Not that he minds.
Review: It’s no wonder this is Cage’s most beloved fic. Bad boy!Tony being all soft for Peter is everything we deserve, not to mention a mesmerizing (and HOT AF) first time together. This fic shows how rich and captivating Cage’s writing is - she’s able to transform that old basic trope into something unique and heartfelt. If you need one more reason to read this, please consider: best first bj ever :)    
• Teacher!Tony wrong number by @areluctantsblog (T) tw underage
Summary: Peter’s using a replacement phone and mistypes Ned’s number asking for help on a physics problem.
Review: I have such a soft spot for this fic! It was one of the first AUs I’ve ever read and I’m completely in love with their dynamics. Peter’s underage but this fic is carefully written and pretty tame, so I’d rec it to anyone looking for the good old “they probably shouldn’t, but then again nothing’s happening” trope.  
• The Bleedover Effect by tuesday (T, 11k, completed) Soulmate AU
Summary: The first time Tony got punched in the face by nobody there, he had a lot of very complicated feelings about it that mostly boiled down to, "I deserve this." A pain-sharing soulmate AU.
Review: Tuesday truly is the queen of soulmate AUs, we have no other choice but STAN. First of all, I adore the concept here - being such a sucker for whump, this could easily become my favorite soulmate trope. As usual, her Tony voice is perfect and his devotion to Peter hits my fragile heart every time. Kudos for the soft and hopeful ending. The series has been discontinued but the sequels are very much worth the read, if you’re up for it :)
• The Catfish Chronicles by @stfustucky (iwillpaintasongforlou) (E, 32k, completed)
Summary: Peter creates a fake profile under the name “Benjamin” trying to catch his scumbag boyfriend cheating. Tony creates a Tinder profile for "Anthony" looking for love late in life. Funny how two geniuses who fight side by side every day can only manage to fall in love after they've accidentally catfished each other. This is... gonna get awkward.
Review: My identity porn thirst might be showing but who cares, I want these two idiots pining after each other in every possible way. This was such a fun and exciting ride! The suspense had me legit freaking out and their get together was lovely and wholesome. I particularly adored how thoughtful and sweet Tony was dealing with Peter’s insecurities, that was handled really well. A treat!
• The Concept of Domesticity by @peters-tofu (E) mpreg
Summary: Tony has accomplished nearly everything he's set out to do, now he wants something different. A family of his own? Sounds easy enough. But he's far too impatient for a relationship, so surrogacy it is. Meanwhile, twenty-two year old college student Peter Parker has just volunteered to be a bearer at an agency.
Review: Can’t say I’m a big fan of this trope but since every rule has its exception, here it is! The only Starker mpreg I’ve ever read is so so good and adorable I can’t help smiling every time I think about it. I just love their dynamics, the soft domesticity, the cute bantering, and the fact that Peter has one baby daddy all wrapped around his little finger but what else is new ;)
***The Date by Neuropsyche (E, 33k, completed)
Summary: Tony has a high society gala and he needs a date.
Review: My favorite fake dating AU so far, this fic is so sweet and wholesome. Confident!Peter is my jam and it was amazing to see their sassy bantering evolving into genuine affection towards each other, not to mention the delicious hot smut with dom!Tony :D 
• The Final Heist by @starkerforlife6969 (G, 10k, completed)
Summary: Tony’s only got one more heist. He does this, he can be retired on an island in the Mediterranean in a month. All he needs is a world-class art forger. (White Collar inspired)
Review: Honestly, the amount of times I’ve mentioned SFL in this list is getting embarrassing. I must have done something really good in another life to get such a talented author writing something inspired by one of my favorite TV shows. I feel like this fic was personally crafted for me; it’s original, romantic, sexy, fun, clever and so very atmospheric. I’m a lucky hoe. 
• The Heart Benefits of Exercise by @areluctantsblog (E, 14k, completed)
Summary: Personal Trainer Tony and Gym Newbie Peter. Peter can hardly keep it together watching Tony demonstrate different exercises and lift weights. Tony is very much aware of the effect he has on his trainee, and after a session, Peter begs to be shown a whole different array of exercises.
Review: This fic was a lovely surprise, very relatable and entertaining. Love myself an adorable Peter thirsting over Tony (can’t really judge lol), especially if it comes with a good amount of pining and hot, kinky smut :D
• Tipping the Scale by JayPendragon (E, 119k, completed)
Summary: Peter has a rhythm. A system. All runs like a well-oiled machine, engineering pun intended. Every wheel of his life is churning perfectly. He doesn’t expect Tony Stark of all people to throw a wrench in it.
Review: Hooker!AUs are my kryptonite, I’m so here for the “fuck first, talk later” and the general pining + misunderstandings + h/c combo this trope provides. This amazing longfic delivers it all with a well-paced, delicious slow burn told from Peter’s POV, which is always a delight to read and makes you fall even more in love with him. If you also enjoy this trope you’re in for a treat!
•  To Catch a Spider by Thekeyandquill (E)
Summary: After the war, Peter Parker left his career as a spy behind to live a simple life in the south of France. But when someone frames him for the theft of plans for a new weapon, he must re-enter his old life and get close to the real thief's likely next target - one Tony Stark. A To Catch a Thief AU.
Review: TKAQ is so skilled their writing should be experienced like fine wine. Amazing research, top notch world building and characterization, and the loveliest atmosphere that makes you feel like you’re inside a movie. Clever, organic dialogue and a sexual tension so palpable you can almost taste it. This is a gem. Make sure to check their other works.
•  Two White, Two Black, One Pink by @starkerforlife6969 (E) poly fic: Peter/Tony, Peter/Steve, Peter/Bucky, Peter/Strange Summary: Peter has three (maybe one day: four) men in his life who mean the world to him. Review: Ugh, this fic is pure bliss. It has legit ruined me for any and all other poly fics. Words just cannot describe how gorgeous, poetic and unique SFL’s writing is, or how deeply it has affected me. So if you enjoy Mafia AUs, poly fics and soft-but-also-bamf!Peter taking care of Tony AND being taken care of by the men he loves, give this a chance and experience transcending storytelling. 
•  Uranium Heart by spqr (M, 11k, completed) Soulmate AU Summary: It’s probably better, Peter thinks, that he doesn’t know who his soulmate is. He wouldn’t want to lie to them about Spider-Man, but he doesn’t think he’d be able to tell them the truth, either.
Review: Be still my heart. This is such a gorgeous fic! Not only it combines two major tropes in a coherent 11k story, but I also appreciate how spqr explores these characters and their dynamics in a very unique and realistic way. I strongly recommend checking their other works, especially Landslide. 
•  Waiting Game by @cagestark (E, 6k, completed)
Summary: Peter hasn't seen Tony in fifteen years. Not since he had their hasty marriage annulled, graduated college, and moved across the country. Their twenty year high school reunion will find them reunited. They've both changed, but one thing hasn’t. Hint: it's their feelings for each other.
Review: This fic literally made my heart BURST WITH FEELS: the whole build up and anticipation, the slow disclosure of their past, the first uncertain moments of their reunion. I also appreciate the powerful and moving message underneath it all, that true healing comes after we overcome our demons at our own pace. A masterpiece.
•  Wooing Peter Parker by Neuropsyche (E, 62.5k, completed)
Summary: Tony and Rhodey dodge the press and sneak into the library where they meet Peter Parker - who immediately catches Tony's eye. But Peter isn't a one and done kind of guy and Tony's going to have to work for what he wants this time.
Review: This is the kind of fic that warms you all over and makes you smile non stop. It has so many elements I love in fic: cute flirting, clever banter, hot sex, soft domesticity, boys being reasonable and talking their problems out for a change. If you’re looking for something light, sweet and honest, this series is a must read!
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helaintoloki · 5 years ago
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Package Deal
pairing: Peter Parker x reader ft. the guardians
warnings: chaotic family dynamics, awkwardness, the guardians being themselves
summary: nothing is ever normal when it comes to your family, but will Peter be able to survive a dinner with the Guardians?
notes: this is a dumpster fire but hey, it’s something
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As much as Peter loved you, he couldn’t help but question the sanity of both you and your family.
How could you sit there so calmly and eat your dinner while Quill and Rocket continued to toss both food and insults back and forth at each other from across the table? Gamora didn’t even seem phased in the slightest, only looking up from filing her nails every other minute to roll her eyes at their antics while Drax’s thunderous laughter and Mantis’s joyous chorused shouts of “More!” echoed throughout the dining room. Groot hadn’t even bothered to show up to the meal.
“What do you think you got on your physics test?” You ask nonchalantly, gently pushing aside the large chunk of meat that had just landed on your mashed potatoes.
“Uh... g-good,” Peter stutters out, swallowing nervously and praying to whatever god was out there that Rocket wouldn’t throw the butter knife that had been placed dangerously close to his grasp. “I think I did good. You?”
“Trash panda!”
“Earth turd!”
“I think I did okay. Let’s just hope there’s a retake.”
“Yeah... hey, listen, it’s getting pretty late, I think I should get going-“
“Don’t leave,” Gamora interjects, everyone in the room pausing their antics to now gaze curiously upon the teenage boy. “You hardly touched your food.”
Peter gazed down at the mess of a plate sat in front of him. What had once been a dish of roast beef, mashed potatoes, and vegetables had now become a questionable looking sludge that he’d rather not touch.
“He is overwhelmed,” Mantis states, and Peter jumps at the feeling of her gentle touch on his arm, “and afraid for his life.”
“Now that’s just ridiculous,” Quill scoffed, immediately turning stiff at the feeling of mashed potatoes coating the side of his face.
“Just let him go,” you sigh, dropping your utensils with a harsh clank against the table. “Mantis, can you walk Peter to the door? I’ll be there in just a minute.”
He watches with piqued interest as you then direct your attention to the two remaining males the table, both of them shrinking under your murderous gaze and sinking under the weight of their guilt over the fact that they probably just scared your boyfriend away forever.
“I can tell your intentions with y/n are pure and full of love,” Mantis observes as she walks Peter to the door.
“Well, yeah, of course they are,” Peter replies with a soft smile. “I really like her.”
“Yes,” Mantis grins, “and there is only a hint of sexual desire within you.”
Her comment, though completely innocent and meant to be taken as a compliment, turns Peter into a blushing mess as he tries to quickly explain himself to the empath.
“You will not hurt her. But if you ever do,” she warns, all previous laughter erased from her features, “we will find out, and you will be in great danger. We are very well known for kicking names and taking ass.”
“Oh, uh, sure, yeah,” Peter nods quickly, feeling only slightly threatened by the woman before him, “of course. I understand completely.”
“Good,” Mantis nods, her previous smile returning to her face, “welcome to the family Peter Parker.”
“Peter,” you call, an apologetic smile etched across your features as you approach the two. “I’ve got it from here Mantis.”
Peter waves goodbye to the woman as he follows you out onto the front porch of your home,provided to you by Tony Stark in case the need to stay on earth ever arose.
“Look, I’m really sorry about everything in there,” you sigh. “They’re crazy, but they’re family.”
“You don’t have to-“
“And I get it if it’s too much for you. It is for most people,” you explain with a small smile. “But even when I had nothing I had them. So if you can’t handle it, that’s fine, but the Guardians and I are a package deal. All or nothing.”
“Maybe it is a little much,” Peter admits with a half-hearted chuckle, “but I can handle it. y/n, you’re like the coolest girl I’ve ever met, and there’s no way I’d stop seeing you just because your family happens to be a little nuts.”
“Yeah, a little,” you laugh quietly. Peter smiles, cupping your face in his hands and pulling you in for a chaste kiss. “Are you sure you can handle intense levels of chaotic energy like this?”
“Are you kidding? Every day of my life consists of intense chaotic energy,” Peter replies. “You’d be surprised how uncoordinated the Avengers actually are.”
“I think I have an idea,” you laugh, reminiscing on all the stories both Peter and Rocket had shared with you during the quiet evenings and restless nights. Maybe your families weren’t so different after all, or at least not like the normal families you see on tv.
“Same time next week?” Peter asks with a hopeful smile as he pulls you into his arms for a parting hug.
“Same time next week,” you nod in agreement and smile up at him. “Text me when you get home but not on the way there. You know how I feel when you swing and text.”
“Yes ma’am,” Peter chuckles, making sure to give you one last kiss before making his way back home.
“He’s really into you,” Rocket notes from the doorway, alerting you of his presence and of his eavesdropping. “It’s actually pretty disgusting.”
“Yeah, I know,” you smile softly as you head back into the house, Rocket crawling up your side and situating himself on your shoulders.
“Hey, you wanna go blow something up?”
“Do you even have to ask?”
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jamiedc-they-them · 4 years ago
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Recovering what was once lost (Platonic)
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hey, can i ask for a josie x reader where reader had a fight with jed and josie takes care of him? B
AN/ Hope you like it :)
“Hope!” Josie yelled as she stormed into her friend’s room; Hope looked at the girl in worry. Josie would’ve normally knocked; she would’ve then waited for a reply only to then open the door. However, from the look on her face to her tone, Hope could tell this was an emergency.
“It’s Y/N.” If this was any other situation, she’d be more hesitant with bringing up your name and the current situation you were in. The state you were in. As said before, however, this as an emergency. So, dire situations and the measures to overcome those situations and all that.
It was had had led her here, visiting your twin (not by blood; but it wasn’t like either cared) to ask her for help as a last resort. Although, if she was honest, she had no other options.
“Where is he? What happened?” She asked, almost diving off the bed as she asked the question. Worry coated her gaze, her mind not exactly helping her guilt complex; the thoughts darkening by the second as the blame she placed on herself building more and more and more –
“Hope, hey…” Josie had softened her voice as she grabbed her friend’s hand in hers; despite the crush she used to have on her, it had turned into a sisterly bond in the end, “He needs you right now. He won’t make it without your blood.” She reminded Hope of the stakes. Or, thought she was.
If anything, she only increased them.
“Why does he need my blood?” Hope’s voice shook more as she finally processed Josie’s words, “Josie, what the hell happened?” She asked, tears starting to pool at her eyes.
She could lose one of the only remaining family members she had left. She gulped at the thought of that playing out; of her being the only Mikaelson in the school.
“He’s in my room, he’s resting. I had to pretty much drag him out of there, Hope. You know how some people are here.” Hope nodded, knowing that tragic truth; that some people just wanted to pretend that there weren’t issues here.
Granted, Hope could see the appeal to that, to get away from your chaotic life in the normal world and enter this school this a get-a-way. Sadly, with the way their lives had gone, that wouldn’t come to pass.
“Take me to him.” She asked of her friend; Josie easily complied with that want.
 You were sweating, and clearly in pain. You tried not to show it, but you failed ultimately in that part. She ran to your side, biting into her wrist and shoving into your mouth without a second thought, “Come on, Y/N, drink. You need to.” Your sister begged you, you did as she asked.
She let out a sigh of relief as you stopped, laying back to take a breath; Hope looked to Josie, “He’ll be fine.” She assured her friend; Josie nodded, but fiddled with her fingers a little.
It took Hope a moment to understand her friend’s anxious behaviour around you. But she soon remembered, the way you both seemed to just drift from one another. While Hope and her hand resurrected their friendship; yourself and Josie weren’t quite there yet.
“It’s ok, I have somewhere to be anyway.” Hope said as she started to leave the room. That, however, made Josie’s eyes widen.
“Wait, wait, wait.” She called out to Hope; the girl turned around, “What…what if –”
“Josie,” Hope said, stopping her friend’s rambling as she grabbed her hands in her own and gave them a squeeze, “I have to pay Jed a visit; you can get your dad involved, I won’t hold it against you. But I think he’d get the point better.”
“And that point is…?”
“That he’s an idiot for going after Jed on his own.” With that, Hope walked away, again. This time, however, Josie let her friend go.
She looked back at your door, where you awaited some help with recovery. Someone to talk to you to distract you from your pain and help you sort this thing out (Hope, being the older twin, had instructed the super squad to keep an ear out for you and let her know when any issues arose); but, the one who was best at that was now leading the charge against the man who had hurt you.
Lizzie was busy with her own demons, MG was too sweet for this, Kaleb was warming up to you, Rafael she wasn’t sure what his reaction would be.
That left her…. Just her luck.
It wasn’t that you weren’t friends, as that was further from the truth; you were friends, but as said before, you had fallen apart from each other.
Then Josie remembered Hope’s look and words, maybe this would be good for the two of you.
So, with a breath, she entered the room. She was at least going to try and salvage your friendship and keep you alive as best she could.
 Hope Mikaelson had been angry before, both pre-and post- hollow. But, this, this was something else. This rage involved her family, adopted or otherwise. You were her younger brother; nothing, nothing changed that.
So, when she saw Jed, without even thinking she punched him. The alpha stumbled backwards, holding his now bloody mouth.
He turned back to Hope, but she was ready for it escalate. No spells, she’d do this the old fashion way.
No one fucked with her family.
 You were one of the quiet students; despite your name, you didn’t use it in anyway. Despite being in a supernatural school, you wanted to be semi-normal; being a student was your best bet at that. So far, you had been apart from a few stares and whispers about you as you went through the halls.
You weren’t some special tribrid like your sister; no, you were just a simple vampire who happened to be adopted by the most powerful family in vampire and a lot of supernatural lore. Meaning you got held up to see if you actually fit that name.
Jed was one of those people. He was an asshole since like day one. But he seemed to have a thing for getting under your skin; whether it be mentioning your sister or your now deceased father and uncle.
“Look who it I,” The arrogant shit said as he shadowed you down the hallway, his regular band of kissasses following just behind him.
You knew there a hierarchy to this whole wolf thing; you got it and made your peace with it, but you still rolled your eyes at it. They followed him fucking everywhere. At least Raphael was somewhat different in that he stood up for himself and stated his own wants and needs.
“Pretty ironic if you’re going to call me a freak like always, we live in a school where we’d all be called that by the people out there.” You pointed at the door to get your point across.
“Still, surprised you aren’t hiding behind your sister, seems that you practically live in her shadow after all.” Those words seemed to flip something within you. Jed noticed, his eyes having a sort of shine to them at the thought of a fight.
“You leave her out of this.” You growled, but the man only laughed.
 “Hey.” You said softly as Josie came back in the room, you had become more aware of where you were. You knew you’d now make it, but the pain was still there; you were still too tired to do almost anything.
“Hey,” She said back, before clearing her throat at the awkward pause in the room, “Are you feeling any better?” She cringed a little at the words as they left her mouth, knowing the answer.
“Bit better, thanks for asking. But, uh, not my best.” You admitted fully; Josie nodded as she held up a blood bag for you. Your veins darkened instantly as you saw it, throat begging for the blood.
“We’ll have to do this slow,” She advised as she opened the bag and walked towards you, “Don’t want you to lose control.”
“Oh, like I don’t remember what I almost did last time.” She held eyes holding both pity and guilt as she too remembered back to what had almost happened the last time you had almost lost control.
If it hadn’t been for her, Lizzie and Hope, you may have been dead by now. It was a memory they’d rather forget.
Losing your father and uncle made Hope pull away from her friends at the school; the incident just mentioned, though, was what made you pull away from (almost) everyone.
“Easy, easy.” She whispered as you drank a little too fast and greedily; at her words, you took a moment to breath and stopped.
“You don’t have to do this, you know? I can take care of it from here.” You told her, both of you seemingly having the awkwardness of your dynamic at the forefront of the conversation; you did appreciate it, she could tell that. But you both just didn’t really know how to interact with each other.
“Hope’s gone to see Jed,” You let out a groan of frustration as you leaned back and hit your head against the pillow, “She wouldn’t of done it if she didn’t have a reason.” She said in a voice that rose in volume a little to get the point across.
“…Fuck.” You muttered as you drank the blood at a slower pace; but now the mood had shifted into one of guilt from both parties.
 “Really, Mikaelson? You just going to stand there and not attack me? Not continue the assault?” Jed asked as he put his hand to his bloody nose.
“You hurt my brother, I hurt you.” She barked at him; doing everything she could to keep herself from making the first move.
“Oh, the kid started it.” He snapped back at her.
“By doing what? Walking around?” She guessed, anger in herself rising.
“Pretty much.” He admitted; Hope scoffed; how low could he possibly stoop?
 “Anything else?” You asked as Josie had twisted the rag again; she sighed as she did so. You both hadn’t really spoken since you had the conversation before.
“I don’t know, nothing else without me bringing my dad in.” She admitted.
“That won’t end well.” You said, in a dry tone; but Josie smiled a little at your humour.
 You were pretty decent at fighting; but right now, you weren’t. Right now, you had been kicked down to the floor, getting your assed absolutely kicked.
Every kick hurt, your back felt like it would snap, your lungs burned, your face was bleeding.
That was when you felt the teeth sink into your leg.
“HEY!” You heard Josie scream out as she held out her hand, the wolves all backed away from you and then ran. But, through your blurred vision, Jed gave you a warning look.
 “We’ve got a problem,” Hope said as she entered the room, with no blood or injuries, Josie noted, “Jed wants round two.”
Her words sparked some protective mode in Josie; sure, she hadn’t made the best amount of progress with your bond. However, it did make her remember how close you both used to be; about how you both would be protective of the other.
She’d found that fire once again.
 “Alright, we’re clear.” Hope said as she looked out at the hallway; when she said those words, Josie had your arm looped around her shoulder as she shouldered your weight and carried you across the hallway to a new room.
Now that Jed was trying to track you down, the two had the idea to get you from A to B; one room to another all-in order to keep you safe.
You were better, but not a 100% just yet. You were still weak, and probably wouldn’t survive another encounter.
“Are you ok?” You asked Hope as she led you, but kept her eyes search the area like a hawk; looking for any threat that she would need to protect you both from.
“It didn’t come to blows, if that’s what you’re worried about.” She assured you but kept her tone flat. You knew what she was going, trying to hide her feelings of worry and paranoia. You once tried that too, but it was Hope that had broken you out of that.
Now, everyone else was doing that for her. You were included in that list, obviously; but the time when you lost control damaged those odds further. All your dynamics were a little fragile at this moment. But, all three knew that things were starting to go back to some sort of normal. Some sort of equal footing.
“Come on, come on, keep going.” Josie said as you slipped a little, but she picked you back up and you continued on your way.
“I got you, I got you.” She said in a quiet voice that (if Hope hadn’t had her hearing) only you’d hear. It was soft and encouraging. It was how your friendship was; soft and nice…it was safe.
 “Hey, hey, hey, hey. Come on, come on. Y/N! Hey, come one, wake up.” Josie said in a panic as she tapped her hand on your face, but you did nothing but stir and groan.
She furrowed her eyebrows for a moment, before she looked down at your leg. Her eyes widened as she pulled up your leg, seeing the bite.
“No, no, no, no.” She said in more panic as she looked back at your face as you slowly started to drift off, “Y/N, come on! Stay with me. Hey!”
You tried; you really did. You tried your hardest, but you were just too weak at this moment. You were drifting in and out; coming back to see a door, then a bed.
Josie got you into the bed, then looked at you as you struggled. She was almost having a panic attack at this point; she was tearful as she watched you groan in pain and struggle to breath.
“Hope.” She said in remembrance and left to find your sister.
 “Locked, damn it.” Hope said as she pulled and pulled on the door. She looked back at you two, knowing that you both wouldn’t be great in a fight right now.
“Look who it is.” They didn’t have time to think about it, as Jed had shown up one more time with his friends at his back.
Hope had moved from behind you to in front of you.
“You’re not touching them, Jed.” She said, firmly.
You, however, pushed past her and stood in front of them, “I do this, you leave them alone.” You bargained with him, seeing no other way out.
“I’m not just leaving you –” Hope started to say.
“Yes, you will. This is my fight, Hope. Not yours.” You said to her, just tired at this point and wanting this to be over.
“No,” She said as she planted herself firmly beside you, “I’m not leaving you; I’m not letting you push me away, not again. I’m not letting you push us away, again.” She said, you looked at your sister, seeing the conviction in her eyes.
“…Ok.” You said, softly.
Hope turned to Josie, “Go get your dad, we’ll deal with this.” She said to her friend. The next moment, Josie was gone.
You both turned to Jed and his guys, sharing a look, “You ready, little brother?” She asked you.
“Ready.” You told her.
 Josie was running, heart racing as she did so. She ran, ran as fast as she could do. AS she turned the corner, she bumped into her own twin.
“Josie, what’s going on?” Lizzie asked her as she held her twin’s arms.
“It’s Hope and Y/N, we need to find Dad.” She said in almost one breath. Lizzie, however, caught onto the words. Despite how she was, she did appreciate you and Hope; you were her friends, she couldn’t deny that now.
“Ok, ok.” She said, taking her twin’s hand and dragging her to their father’s office. The man had been away lately on a recruiting mission, but he was back now. So, the two knew he’d be able to help you both in your efforts.
The two bursts through Alaric’s office door, startling the man himself. He jumped as they entered; but, instead of reprimanding them, he saw the fear and concern on their faces.
“Girls, what’s going on?” He asked, his own worry growing.
“Hope and Y/N need your help.” That was all he needed to know.
 Hope was at maximum efficiency, and then some. It was anger she had been storing for pretty much all day that was finally coming out when she threw a punch or muttered a spell to throw a wolf away. She wouldn’t kill them, obviously. But, as she had been told in therapy, letting out that anger every now and then was good for her.
Granted, Emma probably didn’t mean it in this way; but, as of right now, it was the only way.
She turned to you, to see you be punched and hit the floor, but you carried yourself and vamp-speeded him into a wall.
 “Stop!” The two of you did so, instantly; panting heavily as you both regrouped. The wolves still wanted a fight, but one look from Alaric had them reconsidering that fact.
They scattered, leaving two tired siblings and three concerned friends of those kids.
“Are you two oks?” He asked as he put a hand on both of your shoulders.
You shared a look, “Better with her help.” She smiled at your words and nudged you lightly.
 It was later, nighttime. You were laying on your bed staring at the ceiling, this time, though, with no pain in your shoulder. You just had silence, and your thoughts for you.
A knock at your door made you look up; Josie was there looking in and checking to see if you were still awake. When you sat up, she came into the room.
She silently moved to your bed, laying herself next to you, “Hi.” She whispered, both of you facing the other as you laid on your side.
“Hey.” You echoed the greeting back to her.
“Are you ok?” She asked; you let out a sigh at her question.
“Better now.” You said, she smiled lightly.
“Good, I’m glad.” She meant the words.
“Thank you,” You said, “Thank you for having my back.”
“Of course, we’re friends. Friends have each other’s back.” She meant those words too.
You believed them now.
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bitch-b0i · 5 years ago
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...Thoughts
So The Hollow Season 2 happened and I have opinions. 
Spoilers under the cut. Obviously
“dude I’m gay” !!!!!! Beautiful. I am Fed. I am replenished. Faith in humanity? Restored 
It was brought up so... organically? Like that is a scenario that I could see in real life, it worked so well??? The “she’s not my type”???? YEs????? 
In all seriousness I don’t think people fully understand how important that scene was. My friend and I had to pause it because we were both crying. This is huge you guys. And Mira’s 2 dads??? Excellence
... That being said. 
This season slightly disappointed me not going to lie
Baseline? Fairly ok continuation of the story from season1. Cool twist, didn’t see it coming. New. Exciting. Fine. 
The character development in this season was astronomical, and I mean like, I genuinely don’t know whether to praise or critique it. On the one hand, it’s really freaking exciting that these characters have so much that the fandom can build from, and that we got the chance to really understand why each character did what they did (for the most part). But at the same time, it very very much felt like the season could not decide whether it wanted to be a character-driven season, or a plot-driven season, and it was sort of distracting throughout most of the season past episode like three 
This really came through when they killed off Skeet. I really didn’t understand why they did this other than to show the others that they weren’t playing the game anymore, and I really, really didn’t understand why if that was what they were going to go for, they gave him some really interesting character development first. They made us care about this character and gave us information about him that had so much potential for what the rest of the season would look like, and then they killed him. And the whole season we were expecting him to come back, because this show kills people all the time, and he never did. And that felt a little off to me. Of course, feel free to disagree with me on this one
The romance? Who??? Allowed this??????
I’ve seen a lot of people saying that the show really didn’t force any romance into this season, and I did not get that at all 
For one thing, no, technically nobody ends up together, but imo romance in shows isn’t exclusive to doing the kissy-kissy wif somewone 
They brought up that Mira kissed Adam again, and it was brought up when Kai mentioned that he had a crush on Mira, when it was basically a dead thing from season one. That didn’t feel very organic to me 
Skeet randomly brought up that he and Mira never “dated” despite the fact that literally nobody asked???? 
Now, feel free to @ me about this, because I could be off base, and I’m very open to discussion, but to me, this show does relationships (not just romance, like friendships and other relationships between characters) in a really confusing way. There is hardly a way to tell whether a relationship between two characters is implied or meant to be romantic or platonic (and don’t tell me this show is not involved with romance, because obviously there is something going on in it), so you sort of have to take hints from what surrounds the characters’ relationship development 
For example, Mira and Adam are childhood friends, and their friendship is very nicely developed as a long-standing friendship, but their relationship is framed very differently from Adam and Reeve’s friendship (/relationship?), even though they’re sort of in the same ballpark. Adam is childhood friends with BOTH Mira and Reeve, but his relationship with Reeve felt almost forced within the show. They’re almost presented as exes, (yeah everyone got that, I know) and the show felt like it was trying to put them together again arbitrarily, and I was basically yelling at the screen for them not to do that, not because I don’t like the ship, but because I would have been all for it if it was developed in a meaningful way, but it wasn’t 
Adam came out as gay. Oh Look, a boy. Perfect 
Just. Ugh. I don’t. Ugh. 
It felt like this season was sort of pushing this “the other team as the love interests” as a subplot, like Mira and Skeet will end up together, and then Adam and Reeve, and then (most annoyingly) Kai and Vanessa
And all of these romantic or weird relationshippy dynamics that were going on as subplots came across as being super annoying to watch due to the forced character development 
There were so many character arcs to follow I almost wasn’t paying attention to the plot, which is what initially drew me to The Hollow 
And that would be FINE if they wanted to focus on character development, but they were trying to do such a complex plot thing at the same time and it just. Came across as very jumbled and messy and chaotic and hard to follow. 
The characters also felt like they were exaggerated versions of their season one selves, if you get what I mean? But like done in a really bad way. 
Adam felt way angrier and more aggressive than he was portrayed in season one. Like, excessively so. Angry latino?? Ahaha we love stereotypes 
Mira is the single brain cell (which was cool, she was like the one person I consistently rooted for this season, but got a little irritating after a while of her being the only logical person around) 
Reeve was distrusting and cold and an asshole, because what else would he be 
Kai was stupid. Kai was the comic relief. Like even his parents’ neglect and dysfunctionality was played for laughs. What the fuck man??? 
Don’t even talk to me about Vanessa (just kidding please talk to me about Vanessa) 
I thought that maybe these sort of “off” versions of their characters maybe was the show’s way of saying that they weren’t entirely themselves, which was supposed to foreshadow the big twist? But it was done sort of messily and, again, annoying to watch 
I hate to be that predictable bitch, but does anyone else feel sort of baited with a queer relationship? (Adam and Kai and/or Reeve?) 
I’m hesitant to say this because people are going to yell at me that Adam is canonically gay and so it’s not queerbaiting, and that’s not what I’m saying! I recognize that Adam’s arc was an incredible step forward for us! Like I’m not exaggerating when I tell you I cried. It was so emotional for me, and so perfect and well done... 
But that being said, if the show had said from the beginning that it was completely unconcerned with romance, it would have been a perfectly acceptable resolution for me 
But it didn’t 
It is obviously concerned with romance at least on some level, and don’t get me wrong, I also recognize that none of the straights got canonization of their ships either, but think about this for a second
Kai and Vanessa? They’re basically dating at the end. They fly into the sunset together, they hold hands, don’t @ me about this. Kai/Vanessa shippers got what they wanted 
Mira and Skeet didn’t get much, because Skeet fucking died, but I promise that if he had lived, they would have probably had something similar 
Adam? He and Reeve and Mira are friends again. Yay. 
But twice throughout the whole series it’s been implied (I mean “implied” the way I described before) that Adam might have a love interest. Kai and Reeve
It was even STRONGLY SUGGESTED in the trailer with Adam’s flag and the whole holding hands scene that it would be Kai, which would make sense building off of season one 
But in the end, Kai gets Vanessa, and Adam gets his dysfunctional friendship with his ex back. How nice for him. 
ANYWAY
ALL OF THIS is just my way of saying, I really liked season two, but it was in NO way without its flaws and serious downfalls, all of which sort of tampered with my enjoyment of the season on the same level as season one, which I thought was something really special 
Feel free to discuss with me, I love discussion and good discourse as much as the next guy 
At least they didn’t pull a Voltron and fuck everything up supremely. If there is a season three, there is hope for all this shit to NOT go south, so pray for the show y’all 
AND I will be fixing most of this shit on Ao3, so there.
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Distraction - Natasha x My Marvel S/I
A/N: I struggled to write the actual beginning of this relationship, to actually give some context, for DAYS, but I was STRUGGLING, it was not working out, I was not feeling it. So I decided to write this small little fluffy little our-relationship-is-already-in-full-swing drabble instead, which came way easier, just to get a daydream and a little bit of our dynamic out on paper for the first time! I'll try to do the actual beginning stuff for context later! Been feeling weird about starting to self-insert in this universe, so I'm hoping this will help kick some stuff off 👉👈
For some context, my Marvel S/I's name is Maria (Ria) Stark (finally diverging from just naming all my S/Is after myself, WHOO!). Ria is still just me but with a different name and also cooler, as usual, haha. Ria is the child of Tony Stark, and is in a poly relationship with both Natasha and Steve! Ria also helps co-run Stark Industries in large part with Pepper Potts!
Word Count: 1052
I'm only gonna tag a few people since it's my first time writing for this ship and I don't wanna bother anyone who might not be interested, but if anyone who was tagged would not like to be, or anyone else would like to be tagged in future works for this ship, let me know! Tagging: @imagine-your-love-story @nekociapek @sacredempressnatlyia
Hope you enjoy!
~~~
It had been damp and grey outside since the moment I woke up, and I was quick to decide that I wouldn't be going anywhere that day. All the work I would be doing would be from the comfort of my suite in the Avengers Tower, and that was final. Besides, Natasha and Steve were out on mission with everyone else, so it's not like I had anyone to distract me, making this the perfect excuse to get some of my more paperwork based work finished.
Despite it being dark out, and me being tired, I managed to get a decent dent into my never-ending to-do list. I was fairly happy with it, and then Pepper called and asked after some things, so we chatted for a while, and I was still shockingly focused afterwards. The no distractions thing was really helping me find my groove.
That is, until I made out the sound of a helicarrier getting noticeably closer, and then and there I figured my streak would soon be over. I was never one to be able to stay working when my boyfriend and girlfriend were under the same roof, never mind my chaotic, chaotic father.
The noise began quickly as the Avengers dispersed throughout the tower, and I was once again shocked at how thin the walls and floors were in such a state-of-the-art building. I still attempted to peck away at my keyboard the smallest bit, hoping to make the most of my time, but my distraction soon arrived.
Natasha was leaning against the doorframe to my office space soon enough, still dressed in her tactical gear, giving me a small smile, "Hey, you're actually here!"
"Decided to work from home today. Been getting some paperwork done and over with. I imagine that's probably over now, though."
Her grin was devious, "You would be correct." She made her way over to me, doing her best to saunter. She stopped behind my chair, and I tilted my head back to look up at her.
"You look exhausted, Ri."
"Gee, thanks Nat."
"Put your work away while I go take a shower and spend a lazy afternoon with me."
"Ah. You must be tired too if even you're commanding a lazy day."
"Half a day. Indulge me and rest a little bit."
I hummed softly in agreement, "You think Steve would be available to join us?"
She shook her head slightly, "I doubt it. Last I heard, he was in for a long briefing and some reports."
I tsked lightly, "Looks like it will be just you and I then. What a shame."
A grin spread across her face once more as she took my face on her hands, still looming above me, "Us, getting to spend time alone together? A shame, truly. And a rare occurrence." She leaned down and gave me a feather-light kiss, which I made a small sound of approval into.
As she leaned back up, I smiled, "You're adorable."
She scoffed, "You are. Put your stuff away and find us something to watch."
"While you get ready I think I'm going to-"
She cut me off by leaning over and shutting my laptop, quickly snatching it from me.
"Hey!"
"If I don't take it now you'll never put it away."
"But I-"
"You don't need it right now."
"How am I supposed to-"
"Find something on the tv."
I pouted, "Meanie."
"You know I'm right."
~~~
By the time we were both in bed, flicking through options on the tv (I've always been terribly indecisive when choosing things for other people to enjoy), the rain had kicked up pretty significantly. We lightly bickered back and forth about what to put on, before settling on something random.
Natasha quickly snuggled into my chest as we chatted back and forth.
"So everyone did good on this last mission, then?"
"Yeah, we're definitely good at coming together as a team. It's a nice change."
"Dad didn't cause any problems?"
She laughed, "Well he's not the best at keeping quiet, that's for sure, but you knew that. He was on his best expected behavior."
"What a relief to hear that he causes chaos even when it's not just for Pepper and me. So do you think you guys are gonna have to head out on another one soon?"
"I think we've gotta do some digging first, so I think it'll be at least a week or two."
"So that eliminates all my chances of working from home again any time soon, then."
She lightly smacked my arm, smirking, "Guess you'll just have to spend time with your family and friends then. How unfortunate for you."
"You know I have a job, right? That I co-run a company?"
"I'm choosing to take note of the co part."
"You're stubborn, you know that?"
"You definitely already knew that."
"Of course I did, just figured I'd point it out in case no one else has ever been brave enough."
"I've heard it once or twice, but I take comfort in the fact that it's something you enjoy about me."
I leaned down uncomfortably to kiss her forehead, "I sure do."
She rolled over a little to sling her arm over me, "Take a nap with me."
"You know I'm not great at naps-"
"You are when you're tired and there's no distractions around."
"You're a distraction."
"I'll be taking a nap."
"There's a whole lot of other people in this building, too."
"I took care of it."
"What did you-?"
"Someone has to go out of their way to make sure you're resting, and I've personally taken on that mission myself. Turn off the tv."
I did as she commanded with a slight, playful eye roll, "You always act as if you know what's best for me."
"I do, don't I?"
"Probably, but that doesn't mean I have to take it without complaining,"
"You're just like your father. Close your eyes and go to sleep."
Feeling my eyes fluttering of their own accord, I figured it was useless to protest further. Pulling Natasha a little bit closer, I willed myself to put everything out of my mind besides the sound of the rain and Nat's breathing, and I did my best to relax in her arms for at least a little while.
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primedirection · 5 years ago
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Hopelessly Devoted
Y/n reaches a breaking point
Another several days pass without really speaking to him and it becomes somewhat routine.
Although, thanks to his insane schedule it was definitely difficult to notice. There was no time to talk or argue for that matter when Harry was in Italy, Harry was in Tokyo, Harry was in Paris, Harry was in Los Angeles—Harry was basically everywhere and with everyone but you.
On one or two occasions you did observe that he'd been in places where she was also present. But he never mentioned it of course, he never had to. The tabloid's and social media sunk their teeth into it like a juicy steak. In which he whimsically dismissed as work coincidence's.
So once again you let it slide. As they say: Pick your battles wisely!
But today you were kind of happy you did. Today was his first day back for a week long break and Anne and Gemma were in town visiting. They promised to come along for a scheduled cake testing for the wedding some time ago. And since neither of you had made arrangments to reschedule it, you would be forced to play nice, even if only for a few hours.
Picking them all up from the airport was fairly cordial but awkward nonetheless given your current limbo status. You didn't skip a beat in putting your engagement ring back on and Harry didn't either, greeting you enthusiastically with a hug and kiss. Though whether or not it was all for show you'd never know. Not to mention the enormous elephant between you two just for the simple fact you weren't sure if the wedding was still actually on. You assumed that the opportunity to discuss that would eventually come along when you were properly alone.
As the day went on and you were on your fourth cake, you realized that this was the perfect activity for bonding and not just with his family.
Despite being wedding reception centric you talked more than you had in weeks, laughed ridiculously hard at each other in what felt like ages, and shared simple trivial affection that you hadn't realized that you'd been craving. You almost cried when he thoughtlessly reached for your hand while waiting on a highly recommended red velvet cake.
It made you take notice of just how much you actually missed him. So you swallowed your pride and relayed it aloud. Genuinely professing, "I missed you."
At that Harry seems to smile with his eyes more than his lips. Interlacing your fingers and kissing the back of your hand. "Missed yeh more pet." There's a nervous flutter in your gut from the gesture and anticipation to be alone. Part of you can't help wondering if this was just an act too good to be true.
"So is anyone allowed to make a speech or toast? Or like are you keeping it limited..?" Gemma curiously asks.
Harry nervous looks to you for the answer. In which you shrug, "Everyone can say and do as they please so long as I don't have to,"
"Oh, lovie you have got to stop being so hard on yourself. Your speech was beautiful! It even made Gem cry,"
"No one was supposed to know that, but she's right. I'm still upset I missed it, if I didn't have that ridiculous conference I swear I would've been there,"
"I know," You smile sadly removing your hand from Harry's underneath the table. "It's okay,"
In the corner of your eye you spot his discomfort on the topic at hand, and it only gets worse when Anne asks, "What did you think? Didn't you love it?"
At the sudden attention Harry flushes a deep crimson from the neck up and nervously proceeds to scratch the area, "Haven't.. Em.. Heard it yet. I honestly didn't know she had one,"
Both women proceed to eye him incredulously, "Are you fucking joking?"
"Gemma!" Anne scolds at her foul and loud choice of words in the small posh cake shop.
"Sorry mum, but come on! You are joking right?" She deadpans, "I mean she poured her heart out for you just for her world to see and now the entire world has seen it!"
Embarrassed he clears his throat and shamefully admits, "I um... No,"
Gemma eyes widen twice their size completely taken aback, "Dickhead, it's a five minute video— hell less than that! All over my feed and it's still all over my feed because people wont stop tagging the three of us in it. How in the holy hell did you not see it?!"
In a matter of seconds tension has shifted, all of it negative and all of it aimed specifically at Harry. Words couldn't begin to explain the utter relief and justification you felt watching on as Harry is forced to listen to everything you felt and couldn't say, and everything you tried to say but couldn't get across clearly. Not only empathetically come from someone else, but the only two people on the planet that meant the most to him.
As much as the vengeful part in you enjoyed watching him squirm. It didn't feel right to have him bludgeoned over the head with it in order for him to get it. Most likely he still wouldn't understand the problem.
So you miraculously find yourself taking up for him with a forced smile. "It's not his fault. He's been busy, especially with this new album," Causing everyone to stare at you perplexed, including Harry.
Also making the dynamic of frustration shift towards you as well. Gemma is flabbergasted, "Please tell me you're joking now? There's no excuse on earth that is ok-"
Instantly this bothers Harry and he makes no secret of it. Irritably interrupting, "We're working on it Gem, alright? Chill out."
There aren't words to define the weird and borderline chaotic atmosphere going on and just when you think things can't get worse. For some God forsaken reason, when the red velvet cake finally arrives to your table, Harry's phone simultaneously starts to ring from his back pocket. Everyone at the table pretty much stops what they're doing just to watch him retrieve it and check the screen. Your stomach uncomfortably drops at the sight of the name 'Kenny'.
He answers it chirpier than ever, even allowing her to akwardly greet his mom and sister. All the while you remain dead silent, willing for him to just end it as soon as possible and yet things just so happen to continue on a downward spiral. As Harry mentions your location at first it spirals into him inviting her to come which is bad enough. But then it spirals further out of control when he volunteers to just meet up with her today instead.
It takes everything in you not to let the raw emotions show on your face. Though not just because both Anne and Gemma were skeptically watching you. In that moment you swear you could've kicked him between the legs.
Eventually he stands from your table before even hanging up the phone. Having already decided, "Today's her only day in town, figured we could hang out for a bit. I don't think we'll pick in one day anyway. Might have a better time picking out a dress," he not so subtly suggests.
"Well you actually have to try the cakes in order to pick one..." You happily hear Gemma retort.
It goes completely over his head anyway, "Dinner later tonight?" He asks at least being polite enough to kiss Anne goodbye. Yet he doesn't exactly wait for a reply either coming around to place a rushed kiss on your cheek. At which you stoically accept.
"You lot have fun. Well.... Not too much fun." In no time he's out the door and on the move. Forcing you into taking on his suggestion because it felt really pointless to stay.
About an hour later and a rib crushing corset deep with six more dresses lined up just like it to try on, reality starts to set in.
First off it takes awhile to even get started because you and Harry haven't even agreed to what theme or color scheme you wanted. So you had to get ahold of him to ask for some ideas and of course as luck would have it. Since he's out and about with his precious Kenny there's no way to get ahold of him. Ultimately leaving you to make something up all on your own.
Aside from the discomfort, the sight of yourself in the beautiful gown didn't feel right in the least. You're supposed to be overjoyed and excited with your bestie trying to get you somewhat drunk and your mom should've been there too. Speaking of moms, you don't register Anne announcing herself before coming inside the dressing room.
One of her hands clamps over her mouth in awe while the other holds an off white dress shirt you presume is for Harry, "Y/n lovie you are down right gorgeous!"
You have to force yourself to smile back at her and utter a strained, "Thank you," not because of how depressed you feel but for some reason you literally felt like you couldn't breathe.
"I don't know what we're going to do with that boy.. Do you know what color shirt is going under his suit? I reckon this colo-" The curiosity on her sweet face easily morphs into concern at the sight of you panicking, "S'wrong lovie?"
Instantly your hand shoots up to stop her from approaching any further because the the room felt small enough as it is. Hoping that with a little time that the feeling would blow over. Though the more time that passed the more over heated you felt. The tip of your ears on fire and the rest of your skin flushing just the same with it. At some point the nude colored stall even begins to shift around you to the extent that you stumble around to grab onto it in order to steady yourself.
Anne's voice floats in and out of distortion and so do the other's in the distance. Somehow you catch her soothing, "Y/N lovie just stay calm. Let's go to the main room for a bit yeah?"
You shake your head, unable to move, suddenly overwhelmed with intense grief. But you force yourself to answer her initial question anyway because it bothered you the most, "I don't- I don't know... anything these days. It's like- it's like... I could have a gun to my head... and he still wouldn't care." You gasp and cry.
"Don't cry hun, it's alright shh," Anne finally eases close enough to hold your trembling hand steady and attempts to comfort you but you only feel worse.
"It's really... not, I- I-... I put him off somehow and it's not how it should be. He's always running off.... with k-" You stop yourself realizing that she didn't need to know that, "It's like... he can't be far enough."
While you talk Anne uses that as a distraction to usher you out of the fitting rooms and into the main area, "That's not true, lovie. It's okay, you're okay breathe!" She reassures slowly but surely getting you to a chair just in time, just before you feel the need to collapse. Gemma and the sales woman are hovering around worried too but you physically can't even begin to focus on them. 'Is she okay' and 'panic attack' seems to be the topic of conversation.
"God I don't know what else I can do to keep up. I- I can't- I can't go through with this." You shamelessly cry out to Anne.
Who's retrieved something from the sales woman that you come to find out is a hand held fan. Anne wastes no time waving it back and forth quickly to blow bigger and stronger wafts of air. Cooling and calming you down all at once. You start to assume that she keeps you talking to keep you distracted, "With what? The wedding? Lovie I'd be worried if you didn't have cold feet."
Your head shakes in denial, unable to find humor in what honestly has been stressing you out the most. "No... be with him..." You gasp out, hating to admit it aloud. Nonetheless in front of his mother, and at the sight of her very own shock. Immediately you wished that you'd never said anything at all.
After awhile something about that confession finally made the deep inhalation part of you your lungs start working again, and slow to follow was everything else. The room stopped spinning and you were able to take in the terrified expressions of Gemma and the sales woman. Going back and forth on whether or not to call an ambulance and eventually they decided not to.
But even worse than the tabloid articles that were bound to come out about this, was none other than Harry Styles making a reappearance. Apparently Gemma had called him and unlike you, actually got through.
He dropped to his knees right between yours, "Came as fast as I could, thank God we were only down the street,"
"It's fine— I'm fine," You immediately lie, loathing the spectacle that this was becoming. You just wanted to go home, "I think I just... overheated."
Wait... We?!?! You pause to look over his shoulder and low and behold there she is. Kendall fucking Jenner standing next to Gemma and she has the audacity to look concerned.
Harry grabs your cheeks to redirect your focus on him obviously worried, "Alright? S'wrong? What happened?"
He's a little breathless as he probably ran inside. But you manage catch the smell of his breath through the gusts of air as he speaks and the close proximity. It reeks of beer and once you realize that the more glossy his gaze is.
"Are you- are you really drunk right now?" You feel like you're gonna cry yet you somehow manage to ask it angrily.
"What?" He's unsurprisingly confused. Possibly a symptom of his haze.
But you're too angry to care, roughly tearing his hands away from your face and standing on numb legs, "You left... You fucking left me to go drinking?!"
Harry frowns still thrown by your reaction, "Will you calm do-"
"No! What the fuck are we doing Harry?!" You cry overwhelmed and over emotional. "Today was supposed to be about our wedding! Does that not mean anything to you?"
"Y/N, lower your voice," he pleads grabbing onto your wrist and uncomfortably glancing at the audience around you.
"No no, don't!" You yank away and stumble a bit from the force. Completely forgetting the restrictive gown you're in, "I am so sick of this shit... I'm done— I am so fucking done!" Frustrated, you gather up the skirt of the gown and rush towards the dressing room to get out of it.
Even then Harry follows close behind until Anne and Gemma protectively intervene, "Just give her a minute to cool down H."
"Jesus Christ," he groans irritated, dragging his hands over his face. Unable to properly formulate what the hell he just walked in to.
He needed to talk to you before you did something irrational. Because right now he got the feeling that the clock was ticking.
(An: I hope y'all like this one let me know)
Final Part
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