#thehandsomeasshole

[micsmasmuses]

@thehandsomeasshole liked for a Moxxi starter.

She can’t help but roll her eyes. Looking up at the man as he set foot in front of her. Hands are placed on her hips as she gives Jack a look. Why on earth out of all the bars he comes to hers? Didn’t he have someone else to drink with that he just loved to shove in her face? Or was that just her head and the torture it was causing for loosing someone good. Or well used to be good? At this point she hardly knows anymore.

“What brings you here sugar? Did your new lady kick you out?”

[compatiissante]

@thehandsomeasshole  sent: ‘ listen, i can’t give any more information, but i fear i may have girlbossed a bit too close the sun. ‘

tiktok sentence starters – > quotes taken from my liked tiktoks

to be fair, such a statement really shouldn't have surprised maya at this point-- not with how things had been going in the time they'd been talking. still, she can't help but press her lips in a thin line to at least try and hold back a smile, a single brow arching in question with a hum.

"you- you realize that just brings up, like- a million other questions, right?"

[finncomet]

@thehandsomeasshole

"Be quicker to name what I'm NOT a god of, kiddo."

☄️ "What, so you're supposed to be a god of like, everything?"

"Oh, that's convincing." 🦋

[nicholas-wolfwood]

@thehandsomeasshole​ || Continued

"Well that all depends on what you heard, don't it?" Nicholas tilted his head, dark eyes scanning the man in front of him. An odd appearance, but not the worst he's seen- and it wasn't like he was one to talk with the massive wrapped weapon cross on his back.

"I'm just an undertaker, after all, so if you need to put someone in the ground, I just might be able to be help."

[general-kalani]

"Oh me working with a bird I tamed since they were a fledgling is not comparable to you working alongside Angel? What a double-standard."

"I did not just hear what I think I just heard. Don't try and deep throat it or stick it up your ass. If you want to be turned into a kebab that's how you do it... What am I doing with my life arguing with a ten year old."

general-kalani​:

“We’ve been working alongside each other for years and I’m the one with a weird ‘relationship’ while you publicly called yourself ‘daddy’? Yeah I’m definitely the one with issues.”

“You could’ve but you didn’t that means I’m better than you. Hope you’re not looking at a tentacle though I don’t want to know what you’d do with that in your free time.”

“You can’t stand there and tell me that you work alongside a bird, with a straight face, and not expect me to laugh at you. 

And there aren’t really any official applications that those tentacles were good for. Personal use, though? Whole ‘nother story.”

[the141ghost]

SIMON 'GHOST' RILEY

An expert in clandestine tradecraft, sabotage, and infiltration. He lives with a redacted past and an undercover present, marked by a concealed appearance to hide his identity and maintain anonymity in the field.

| rules | about | verses | plotting call |

18+ ask/rp blog. sideblog. follows back from @thehandsomeasshole

[redjaybird]

@thehandsomeasshole

"Back off, bird boy. At least I don't get off on pretending to be edgy."

"Aww, what's wrong? Can't stand bein' called a nobody?"

[ninevoltcolt]

@thehandsomeasshole​ || Continued

“What can I say, Handsome? Very few business-types like getting their own hands dirty, too afraid to leave their ivory towers. Probably why they were never able to hold the planet for long. It’s refreshing to see a man that’s not afraid to go elbows-deep into a problem.” Jakobs chuckled in turn, leaning against the desk.

“Nothing I’m sure you’d be all that opposed to. Turns out a private hit was put out on yours truly, and a couple of my men thought they could make a quick buck. Rest assured, most of the guilty party’s been... dealt with.” His lip curled for a moment. “However, one just so happened to ‘escape’ and fled to a nearby bandit camp for protection. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue, but I happen to be aware of a bit of a drug problem among that camp. It’ll make things a bit tricky, so I figure; why not ask the leading expert in bandit extermination? Only if you’re interested, of course.”

[starttheanarchy]

@thehandsomeasshole 

The Eden-5 Youth Science Fair, an event that can catch the attention of the masses of the universe, but more importantly the attention of the corporations. It is the stepping stone for the younger generations to show their capabilities, knowledge, and power. The crowds were already fairly large due to the announcement of the new Crime Buster Bots that one Marcie Halloway sold the blueprints to the police force, and how those said bots were going to be used as her entry in the competition. It was a focal point that was advertised across the system to being in the masses.

It was a day filled with expectations. And none of them went the way anyone would have thought of them to go.

It started with the realization that there was another entry in fair that was startling similar in function to the crime buster bots. It was called The Mechanized Anti-Bully Deterrent Test and was entered by some girl named Gaige. Looking over the two robots it was clear to anyone that one was a copy of the other, yet as the day went on and the robots were tested, it became unclear to the masses which one was the original. Those with knowledge in the field could tell, the performance of the laser test that happened first made the facts clear.

One robot was able to fire enough consecutive stun laser shots to overheat the target to the point of making the steel plate begin to melt. The others head exploded after the second shot.

And D374-TP was not the only thing its creator was proudly showing off at the fair. The red headed genius was also showing off her custom made cybernetic arm and how instead of needing a digistruct terminal or even a large spawning rod, the digistruct code was stored in her arm allowing a new level portability that wasn't thought of before.

And at the end of the day, when the awards were being handed out, every expectation was thrown out the window. The judges were only human, and the Halloways had enough money to buy the whole planet five times over. There was no price Marcie's father would stop at to get his daughter her way. First place went to the robot that under performed compared to the competition. And as if to rub salt in the wound, the red head who had created not only a fully functioning cybernetic limb but as well as an impressive robot was given third place.

And it drove Gaige insane, but she couldn't do anything in front of all these people.

And then Marcie had to open her stupid mouth.

"I told you that useless piece of junk wouldn’t win you anything. Perfect for you honestly." That had gotten Gaige to glare at the heiress, her jaw clenched to hold back her screams on how unfair this all was. How rigged everything was. Her held silence only brought laughter from the rich girl before it pittered off into a sigh.

"How boring, come on show me a better face then that you ginger idiot." A spoiled tone that had clear tones of being pissed off. The final words of Marcie Halloway before she had shove Gaige down, and activated the threat detection sensors of one still active D374-TP.

Everything functioned just as intended, the robot floating up behind the standing threat. One arm swinging up, digistruct claws forming on the hand. And yet Gaige had a small pit in her stomach, a feeling that something wasn't right. And she was proven correct as the claws made contact with Marcie. Instead of incapacitating the target in one fell swoop that would only hurt for a few hours, the planned method on how the claws should have worked.

No instead Marcie Halloway had exploded into a bloody mess that caused a splash zone of several meters that had even reached the ceiling.

And poor Gaige had a front row seat to her most magnificent mistake to date.

She flicked her wrist out, D374-TP fading away into blue code, and she could only focus on how red her robotic limb looked. The rest of the world seemed to fade away as she focused on just how much blood was everywhere, and how there was no more Marcie. Shaking hands pushed her body off the floor, before trembling legs led her away. Into back hallways where almost no one was, seeking somewhere to try and understand what happened. Stumbling against a wall, she slid down before covering her face with her hands. The ringing in her ears finally fading to hear the hum of the vents overhead, and her own loud panicked breathing that was borderline hyperventilating.

"F-f-fuck. Shit. Crap. Fuck fuck FUCK. What the actual fuck? How the fuck? That shouldn't have happened. She should have just fallen to the ground. Not THAT. OH GOD. I killed her."

[destinedatlas]

semi-discussed starter for @thehandsomeasshole

     Rhys sits there on his knees, trembling hand holding a piece of glass to his temple as Handsome Jack prattles on about how he wants him to die. As long as those cybernetics are in your head, it echoes through his mind as the maniac paces around. There’s a searing pain in his shoulder from the wound he ripped open when he TOOK HIS ARM OFF. He had to stop Jack, had to crash Helios, had to kill those people... but why did Jack have to be like this? Rhys’ face is full of pain, hurt; he’d thought he’d found a sort-of FRIEND. Maybe Jack feels the same way, in some weird twisted way... Rhys already knows that the other’s anger comes out much differently than his own.

     Rhys thinks on this as he cuts into his own face, DIGGING the jagged glass under his skin and starts to pry out the cybernetic implant. His whole body is trembling, he feels like he’s about to THROW UP. This is a common occurrence for him, but this is different... it feels like if he does throw up, all of his intestines will come up with it. Red hot pain screams at him as he pulls the small port out of his head and he can feel warm, sticky blood dripping down his face. He’s breathing so shallowly, it’s taking everything in his power to not stop, just pass out, let the pain melt away into unconscious bliss. He can’t. This HAS to be done.

     And yet... DOES IT? Rhys watches Jack switch gears from being scheming and angry to something that looks like FEAR as he seems to realize what he’s doing, what’s about to happen to him. Even though he seemed perfectly fine dying before... maybe it’s because he won’t get anything out of it if he’s the only one to die. Maybe that’s what is different, but either way, Handsome Jack seems GENUINELY AFRAID for the first time, well... EVER, at least since he’s been an AI in his head. Brows furrow as pain throbs in his temple and more, even worse pain shoots up his neck from where his arm used to be. In this moment, Rhys feels BAD for him, moreso than he ever did before. He knows real fear when he sees it, and this is it. Slowly standing up, Rhys positions the glass shard at the iris of his Echo eye, listening to Jack beg, talking about death

               THERE’S NOTHING THERE.

     Brows furrow and breath catches in his throat, he nearly chokes on the air, feeling immense pain in his eye socket as he starts tugging the iris out of the mechanical eye. All the while, through the pain, he stares at Jack. IF he’s going to do this, the AI needs to KNOW that he’s serious. That he can, and WILL, do this again if the need arises. His expression, while filled with pain, nose twitching, breath coming so quickly it’s barely there, is stoic. He pulls the wire out nearly to the end of it.

          “I’m sorry, Jack...” He tells him, frowning deeply. He takes in a shaky deep breath and closes his eyes, waiting a moment, before dropping himself down to the floor. He’s so tired, the pain is too much, he’s going to need to do this from down there.

          “You know...” he starts, chuckling very dryly, holding the echo eye so that it points towards the hologram, “I did think of you as... a friend. I was on board with EVERYTHING you wanted to do, no matter what. Unless it involved KILLING MY FRIENDS, obviously... but...” he stops, raising his head so that he’s seeing him with both eyes now. Biting back pain that nearly blinds him, a little whimper escapes his throat and he shakes his head.

          “Then, you wanted to kill ME. You know, just making a body shouldn’t be all that hard if we get the right people Why would it have to be me? Why do you need an ARMY? Is it because you’re afraid to go back? YOU DON’T WANT TO DIE, and that’s why I think you had that BRILLIANT idea,” the sarcasm is DRIPPING from his voice, even through the pain, even as he talks very slowly, between breaths. “You want there to be enough of YOU to ensure that you never die again because it TERRIFIES you. Maybe I can understand that, but suggesting me as the first..? I don’t get it, THAT is what is crazy. And maybe you are, but you don’t need to get back at me. I didn’t DO anything other than exactly what you told me just now. I DON’T WANT TO GO THERE EITHER, so WHY do you think I “betrayed” you?” Rhys shakes his head again and coughs.

          “DAMN this shit hurts...” a dry chuckle, “Jack...” a pause, brows furrowed, “this is me giving YOU a second chance. Maybe you can find it in your heart to give me one, too. If not...” He looks the hologram dead in the eye and tugs on the cable gently, “Well, if not, you know what happens, and there will be NO satisfaction of watching me die with you, either.”

[of-lawbringing]

@thehandsomeasshole​​ cont. from ☠.

     There was a form of silence that lingered from Nisha, it wasn’t fear, it was memorising the moment as it was. Only what felt like moments ago she had watched with amusement dancing in those honeyed eyes as Jack tore a life source from another before watching as the life drained from them. It wasn’t anything new to her, murder, whether it be by her own hands, or that of Handsome Jack as well. There was a mutual understanding, there always had been. From the very beginning when she had first been hired.

     Fear, it sank into the heart of many who knew of his name, yet, it didn’t put fear in her own heart. At first, she would have claimed nothing struck fear in her- her upbringing hadn’t been an easy one, and throughout her life, she took things head-on with no questions asked even when standing in the face of some gnarly looking creatures. No, it was a term of understanding, observing and simply knowing.  

     Crimson coloured fingers had pulled her from her thoughts, while her eyes slowly turned to make eye contact with his own. Even with dried blood to his fingertips, she could taste the iron that lingered on parts of her lips. The taste, divine. A taste that often lingered on her from countless bloodshed through multiple fights before Elpis, on Elpis and even afterwards.

     ❝I wouldn’t be too surprised if some dumb fuck tried that, your name alone challenges the people who live on this planet. And a few others. ❞ Names she wouldn’t bother mentioning, she still had an everlasting hatred for specific vault hunters, but that was a story for another day. Laughter bubbled from Nisha as she shook her head and waved her hand dismissively to his comment, ❝please, I’m not worried about you stealing my thunder, I’d more than happily watch you make a statement with some asshole. ❞  

     ❝Sap.❞ The statement was there, but the smirk on her face showed playfulness directed towards him. ❝In that case... maybe I’ll have to make more trips to see you since you’re busy running a company up there. I’m sure Lynchwood could handle a day without me, and if not, well the fuckers who decided to act out of line will be put in line.❞

     His question threw her off. Sentiment thoughts weren’t something that often crossed her mind, given the fact she kept her bloodlust on to drown out any thoughts she could have. ❝You feelin’ okay?❞ It was the first question to leave her, yet the look in his eyes told her he meant the question and sought something. As for what, she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. ❝I mean... maybe? But, this sort of thing has been my life since I was...❞ A rough childhood, something he could relate to. ❝Well, you know. I don’t think I’d be opposed to trying if I could, but those opportunities don’t shine on people like me, you know? ❞

[micsmasmuses]

Angel starter for @thehandsomeasshole

She shifts a bit as she looks up at her father. Meeting his gaze as she stands at his desk. She didn’t think he survived or that he came up here without anyone seeing him. But hey this was all his he knew all the secrets. She didn’t know much but Tim was slowly showing her the ropes! Tim however won’t be happy when he sees Jack again. Things felt as if they’re going to end bad. Her father is going to be so mad.

“Hey dad…” she mutters looking away. The new CEO of Hyperion was jacks daughter, who would’ve thought.

[compatiissante]

❛ i could keep you safe. they’re all afraid of me. ❜

&. 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬.

the crimson raiders had been catching on to her existence as a whole as they followed jack's plans closer and closer, which was disorienting enough as it is, considering maya was just barely used to anyone else at hyperion acknowledging her at the bare minimum. but she spent more and more of her free time with jack, so perhaps it was inevitable.

"what if... what if something happens to you, though?" her words were quiet in response, her gaze focused on her hands placed flat on her desk. anyone could tell that she liked jack, even if realistically, she probably shouldn't have. "i- i don't think i'd be able to handle something happening to you."

[neonslots]

@thehandsomeasshole​ from here

❝ That’s... awfully fucked up. ❞ she admitted, accent almost slipping out. ❝ Right, right... Well... I hope someone puts that son of a bitch in his place. This Ain’t-- ❞ she clears her throat. ❝ This isn’t a way someone should be treated. Lord, why are you even working for this guy, Jack ? He doesn’t seem right in the head to me... The minute this man tries to do anything to me...❞ She pauses and gestures to Rubi on her hip. ❝ I’ll make sure he doesn’t walk again. ❞

[nicholas-wolfwood]

@thehandsomeasshole​

It was an odd mission to receive, to wipe out this new settlement, but they knew better than to question it. Just kill them all; simple enough. A priest and musician wouldn’t raise too much suspicion at first, and by then it would be too late.

By the time anyone else would arrive, everyone had been disposed of; humans and robots alike. The priest stood among the massacre, expert gunmanship, and general destructive power of the massive firearm he carried leaving pieces of flesh and metal scattered around; far messier than the musician, who’s victims simply lay where they’d fallen, killed instantly as their brains hemorrhaged at the speed of sound.

“Not too bad for a duet, don’t you think, Chapel?” The musician hummed, looking over their handiwork.

“Please, you toot your own horn any more ‘n that, Player, an’ you’ll be blowin’ your own eardrums out.” Snorted the priest, but despite their job being (seemingly) done, the two remained on guard.

At the slightest sound of someone approaching, both turned to look from their respective carnage, ready to attack again if necessary.

[compatiissante]

"Ahem. They're mad because you're right." She's definitely not preening over the praise, what are you talking about-

@compatiissante said ‘maya vc: they’re mad bc you’re right- i mean what- ‘

“Say it louder for the idiots in the back, doll. I’m very proud of you right now.”