#thehandsomeasshole

[finncomet]

@thehandsomeasshole

"Be quicker to name what I'm NOT a god of, kiddo."

☄️ "What, so you're supposed to be a god of like, everything?"

"Oh, that's convincing." 🦋

[micsmasmuses]

@thehandsomeasshole asked : 👗 Fix/Straighten my muse’s clothes (For Tim!)

He’s anxious, he hates walking out there in public and making appearances. It makes the under of his mask all sweaty and the one person who sees under said mask is… Jack. Speaking of him he was coming up to him. The doppelgänger looks over to the original with a frown as Jack turns him around and fixes his suit. The feeling of his hands being so gentle makes him blush. He always has this stupid effect on him. He wore him down with that damn flirting, it was pretty sad but soon won him over anyways.

“You know I could keep you company instead. You know how I am with these things Jack…” he mutters a bit pathetically. Looking him in the eyes Tim soon fixes jacks vest in return.

[compatiissante]

❛ i could keep you safe. they’re all afraid of me. ❜

&. 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬.

the crimson raiders had been catching on to her existence as a whole as they followed jack's plans closer and closer, which was disorienting enough as it is, considering maya was just barely used to anyone else at hyperion acknowledging her at the bare minimum. but she spent more and more of her free time with jack, so perhaps it was inevitable.

"what if... what if something happens to you, though?" her words were quiet in response, her gaze focused on her hands placed flat on her desk. anyone could tell that she liked jack, even if realistically, she probably shouldn't have. "i- i don't think i'd be able to handle something happening to you."

[nicholas-wolfwood]

@thehandsomeasshole​ || Continued

"Well that all depends on what you heard, don't it?" Nicholas tilted his head, dark eyes scanning the man in front of him. An odd appearance, but not the worst he's seen- and it wasn't like he was one to talk with the massive wrapped weapon cross on his back.

"I'm just an undertaker, after all, so if you need to put someone in the ground, I just might be able to be help."

[general-kalani]

"Oh me working with a bird I tamed since they were a fledgling is not comparable to you working alongside Angel? What a double-standard."

"I did not just hear what I think I just heard. Don't try and deep throat it or stick it up your ass. If you want to be turned into a kebab that's how you do it... What am I doing with my life arguing with a ten year old."

general-kalani​:

“We’ve been working alongside each other for years and I’m the one with a weird ‘relationship’ while you publicly called yourself ‘daddy’? Yeah I’m definitely the one with issues.”

“You could’ve but you didn’t that means I’m better than you. Hope you’re not looking at a tentacle though I don’t want to know what you’d do with that in your free time.”

“You can’t stand there and tell me that you work alongside a bird, with a straight face, and not expect me to laugh at you. 

And there aren’t really any official applications that those tentacles were good for. Personal use, though? Whole ‘nother story.”

[the141ghost]

SIMON 'GHOST' RILEY

An expert in clandestine tradecraft, sabotage, and infiltration. He lives with a redacted past and an undercover present, marked by a concealed appearance to hide his identity and maintain anonymity in the field.

| rules | about | verses | plotting call |

18+ ask/rp blog. sideblog. follows back from @thehandsomeasshole

[ninevoltcolt]

@thehandsomeasshole​ || Continued

“What can I say, Handsome? Very few business-types like getting their own hands dirty, too afraid to leave their ivory towers. Probably why they were never able to hold the planet for long. It’s refreshing to see a man that’s not afraid to go elbows-deep into a problem.” Jakobs chuckled in turn, leaning against the desk.

“Nothing I’m sure you’d be all that opposed to. Turns out a private hit was put out on yours truly, and a couple of my men thought they could make a quick buck. Rest assured, most of the guilty party’s been... dealt with.” His lip curled for a moment. “However, one just so happened to ‘escape’ and fled to a nearby bandit camp for protection. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue, but I happen to be aware of a bit of a drug problem among that camp. It’ll make things a bit tricky, so I figure; why not ask the leading expert in bandit extermination? Only if you’re interested, of course.”

[starttheanarchy]

@thehandsomeasshole 

The Eden-5 Youth Science Fair, an event that can catch the attention of the masses of the universe, but more importantly the attention of the corporations. It is the stepping stone for the younger generations to show their capabilities, knowledge, and power. The crowds were already fairly large due to the announcement of the new Crime Buster Bots that one Marcie Halloway sold the blueprints to the police force, and how those said bots were going to be used as her entry in the competition. It was a focal point that was advertised across the system to being in the masses.

It was a day filled with expectations. And none of them went the way anyone would have thought of them to go.

It started with the realization that there was another entry in fair that was startling similar in function to the crime buster bots. It was called The Mechanized Anti-Bully Deterrent Test and was entered by some girl named Gaige. Looking over the two robots it was clear to anyone that one was a copy of the other, yet as the day went on and the robots were tested, it became unclear to the masses which one was the original. Those with knowledge in the field could tell, the performance of the laser test that happened first made the facts clear.

One robot was able to fire enough consecutive stun laser shots to overheat the target to the point of making the steel plate begin to melt. The others head exploded after the second shot.

And D374-TP was not the only thing its creator was proudly showing off at the fair. The red headed genius was also showing off her custom made cybernetic arm and how instead of needing a digistruct terminal or even a large spawning rod, the digistruct code was stored in her arm allowing a new level portability that wasn't thought of before.

And at the end of the day, when the awards were being handed out, every expectation was thrown out the window. The judges were only human, and the Halloways had enough money to buy the whole planet five times over. There was no price Marcie's father would stop at to get his daughter her way. First place went to the robot that under performed compared to the competition. And as if to rub salt in the wound, the red head who had created not only a fully functioning cybernetic limb but as well as an impressive robot was given third place.

And it drove Gaige insane, but she couldn't do anything in front of all these people.

And then Marcie had to open her stupid mouth.

"I told you that useless piece of junk wouldn’t win you anything. Perfect for you honestly." That had gotten Gaige to glare at the heiress, her jaw clenched to hold back her screams on how unfair this all was. How rigged everything was. Her held silence only brought laughter from the rich girl before it pittered off into a sigh.

"How boring, come on show me a better face then that you ginger idiot." A spoiled tone that had clear tones of being pissed off. The final words of Marcie Halloway before she had shove Gaige down, and activated the threat detection sensors of one still active D374-TP.

Everything functioned just as intended, the robot floating up behind the standing threat. One arm swinging up, digistruct claws forming on the hand. And yet Gaige had a small pit in her stomach, a feeling that something wasn't right. And she was proven correct as the claws made contact with Marcie. Instead of incapacitating the target in one fell swoop that would only hurt for a few hours, the planned method on how the claws should have worked.

No instead Marcie Halloway had exploded into a bloody mess that caused a splash zone of several meters that had even reached the ceiling.

And poor Gaige had a front row seat to her most magnificent mistake to date.

She flicked her wrist out, D374-TP fading away into blue code, and she could only focus on how red her robotic limb looked. The rest of the world seemed to fade away as she focused on just how much blood was everywhere, and how there was no more Marcie. Shaking hands pushed her body off the floor, before trembling legs led her away. Into back hallways where almost no one was, seeking somewhere to try and understand what happened. Stumbling against a wall, she slid down before covering her face with her hands. The ringing in her ears finally fading to hear the hum of the vents overhead, and her own loud panicked breathing that was borderline hyperventilating.

"F-f-fuck. Shit. Crap. Fuck fuck FUCK. What the actual fuck? How the fuck? That shouldn't have happened. She should have just fallen to the ground. Not THAT. OH GOD. I killed her."

[of-lawbringing]

@thehandsomeasshole​​ cont. from ☠.

     There was a form of silence that lingered from Nisha, it wasn’t fear, it was memorising the moment as it was. Only what felt like moments ago she had watched with amusement dancing in those honeyed eyes as Jack tore a life source from another before watching as the life drained from them. It wasn’t anything new to her, murder, whether it be by her own hands, or that of Handsome Jack as well. There was a mutual understanding, there always had been. From the very beginning when she had first been hired.

     Fear, it sank into the heart of many who knew of his name, yet, it didn’t put fear in her own heart. At first, she would have claimed nothing struck fear in her- her upbringing hadn’t been an easy one, and throughout her life, she took things head-on with no questions asked even when standing in the face of some gnarly looking creatures. No, it was a term of understanding, observing and simply knowing.  

     Crimson coloured fingers had pulled her from her thoughts, while her eyes slowly turned to make eye contact with his own. Even with dried blood to his fingertips, she could taste the iron that lingered on parts of her lips. The taste, divine. A taste that often lingered on her from countless bloodshed through multiple fights before Elpis, on Elpis and even afterwards.

     ❝I wouldn’t be too surprised if some dumb fuck tried that, your name alone challenges the people who live on this planet. And a few others. ❞ Names she wouldn’t bother mentioning, she still had an everlasting hatred for specific vault hunters, but that was a story for another day. Laughter bubbled from Nisha as she shook her head and waved her hand dismissively to his comment, ❝please, I’m not worried about you stealing my thunder, I’d more than happily watch you make a statement with some asshole. ❞  

     ❝Sap.❞ The statement was there, but the smirk on her face showed playfulness directed towards him. ❝In that case... maybe I’ll have to make more trips to see you since you’re busy running a company up there. I’m sure Lynchwood could handle a day without me, and if not, well the fuckers who decided to act out of line will be put in line.❞

     His question threw her off. Sentiment thoughts weren’t something that often crossed her mind, given the fact she kept her bloodlust on to drown out any thoughts she could have. ❝You feelin’ okay?❞ It was the first question to leave her, yet the look in his eyes told her he meant the question and sought something. As for what, she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. ❝I mean... maybe? But, this sort of thing has been my life since I was...❞ A rough childhood, something he could relate to. ❝Well, you know. I don’t think I’d be opposed to trying if I could, but those opportunities don’t shine on people like me, you know? ❞

[micsmasmuses]

@thehandsomeasshole liked for a Moxxi starter.

She can’t help but roll her eyes. Looking up at the man as he set foot in front of her. Hands are placed on her hips as she gives Jack a look. Why on earth out of all the bars he comes to hers? Didn’t he have someone else to drink with that he just loved to shove in her face? Or was that just her head and the torture it was causing for loosing someone good. Or well used to be good? At this point she hardly knows anymore.

“What brings you here sugar? Did your new lady kick you out?”

[compatiissante]

@thehandsomeasshole  sent: ‘ listen, i can’t give any more information, but i fear i may have girlbossed a bit too close the sun. ‘

tiktok sentence starters – > quotes taken from my liked tiktoks

to be fair, such a statement really shouldn't have surprised maya at this point-- not with how things had been going in the time they'd been talking. still, she can't help but press her lips in a thin line to at least try and hold back a smile, a single brow arching in question with a hum.

"you- you realize that just brings up, like- a million other questions, right?"

[nicholas-wolfwood]

| What comes included with you? |

Tagged by: @kaibacorpbros Tagging: @punisheye, @firsthumandisaster​, @vashtxt​, @needlenxggin​, @wolfsmuses​, @avataroftheswarm​, @thehandsomeasshole​, @stovthearted​ and anyone else that wants to!

[compatiissante]

"Ahem. They're mad because you're right." She's definitely not preening over the praise, what are you talking about-

@compatiissante said ‘maya vc: they’re mad bc you’re right- i mean what- ‘

“Say it louder for the idiots in the back, doll. I’m very proud of you right now.”

[the141ghost]

SIMON 'GHOST' RILEY

An expert in clandestine tradecraft, sabotage, and infiltration. He lives with a redacted past and an undercover present, marked by a concealed appearance to hide his identity and maintain anonymity in the field.

ask/rp blog. sideblog. follows back from @thehandsomeasshole

[ninevoltcolt]

@thehandsomeasshole liked for a starter

"Well, well, Handsome Jack himself. Isn't this an honor?"

[vaultiism]

@thehandsomeasshole continued from (x);

   in all hindsight, what he was doing had been risky as all hell. 

 tim had only hoped he’d be in and out of there, before jack would have had any chance of noticing, but alas. no suck luck. he didn’t have clearance to rummage through the desk--- actually, the double wasn’t even supposed to be in his office when jack had entered, preoccupied with the mess to notice, until it had become painfully clear that he’d probably just signed his death sentence, if the lack of an outburst was anything to go by.

  “u--uhm---” it certainly had him turn a number of shades paler the moment those mismatched eyes fell onto him, before he would drop the papers he’d been holding and lift both hands--- in surrender. you’ve done it now, you idiot. 

  “i---no, i--- i would never.” no blackmail. despite timothy’s generally... awful situation, that wasn’t a thought that had crossed the doppelganger’s mind as eyes trailed from the mess he’d created and back to jack, wishing he could see something. anything to signal just how badly this is going to turn out for him.  

  “i just. i thought i’d ah---” did he have a sensible excuse? not really. the contract had been bugging him for weeks. while his job hadn’t been the worst--- who was he kidding, it was about as terrible as it could be---tim didn’t start thinking to try and snatch said papers until jack had gone off the rails as much as he did. “i don’t suppose i could just. put all of these back and--- be on my way, r-right?”

    now he wished that thought wouldn’t have crossed his mind in the first place.