#the writers both evidently dont know any better and very possibly dont care

[daddy-socrates]

okay I'm curious Why did you mention salior uranus in your thesis?

THANK you for asking because i love to talk about it hehe >:3c buckle up

back in undergrad, i was invited to do a senior thesis. i wanted to do mine on language and gender because my (problematique fave) professor whose class got me into the field at the start just... wouldn't use my pronouns. she's very bad at using pronouns and frankly i think she does not understand limits. a philosophy of language class does not mean you get to just say ~whatever.~

basically, this project was borne out of "hey! use my fucking pronouns :))" i had (have) pretty severe "i can fix her" disease :// i....... was not a really great student in undergrad. people who have followed me since then can probably attest to that through my personal ramblings. my advisor (a different professor) was disappointed in me like the whole way through and i live in constant fear that she will find this blog and go "oh! thats why you didnt pay attention in class, dumbass :)" (though maybe she would see this post and say "oh.... growth :)" who's to say)

but see, though i struggled to get myself to stay engaged in my advisor's class, both she and that problematique fave had assigned texts that would lend themselves beautifully to my dream project - even though i just..... had a terrible habit of misunderstanding readings to basically an absolute inverse degree. like it's a chronic issue. maybe i should have figured out "this is what im understanding so the opposite is probably more correct." i'm working on it, though, and i'm better at getting it the second time around now that im in grad school. ^^;;

SO this brings me back to my thesis: basically, why does language matter? one of my chapters was about representation. i talked about janet in the good place reminding people every day, "not a girl." i talked about haruhi fujioka from ouran high school host club, "i don't care if people see me as a guy or a girl. it's what's on the inside that's important." i talked about stevonnie from steven universe, being the first fusion to be addressed with they/them pronouns. i talked about jesse and james from pokemon and their frequent "gender swapped" costumes. and, at last, i talked about sailor uranus - tenou haruka - using both masculine and feminine self-referential language and presentation.

the thesis statement of my tragically mediocre thesis paper is basically "when you have access to language, you can better describe your experience and understand the experiences of others." you can come to a stronger self-understanding, form connections with others who share some traits, discover community, come into support, enact change, and so on.

the paper im writing "writing" right now for my epistemology class is pretty much an elevated version of that, though i'm focusing less on gender identity and discussing like.... more like the "concept of identity" itself. one of my first grad classes was hermeneutics - the study of meaning, where it comes from and where it leads - and there is so much ~delicious~ overlap between the texts for that class, those from the undergrad class on language, the undergrad class on gender and intersectionality, and my current class. my current paper is on "epistemic injustice;" that is, lack of access to language (whether deliberately or unconsciously through systems that no single individual person had set up) puts people at disadvantage for the huge sector of life that they otherwise could understand.

ALL THIS to say, i was a snarky asshole in undergrad but i have very real investment in media representation. if i had watched she-ra before i presented my paper, i would have included double trouble (my beloved), and i have yet to watch owl house but i see there's another they/them? we love they/thems <33 i am always thinking back on when korrasami became canon, how that was a huge moment of positive bisexual representation. i think about sophia in orange is the new black, introducing to a more adult audience different layers and kinds of violences that she and other trans women, especially she as a black trans woman, are uniquely at risk for.

my graduate school thesis is going to diverge a bit from the language of justice and of personal and group understanding to an even broader scale, though i am going to have a lengthy chapter on the matter. (literally like one hour ago i emailed my county representatives to say "hey, the training material for my substitute teaching agency Fucking Sucks, how can i help bring appropriate language and subsequent recognition of mentally ill, neurodivergent, and disabled folks to the stage?")

the many forms of the philosophy of language is what sparked my passion for the field, and i want to give language to those who may have difficulty understanding texts like i do. i want to take all that i am learning and share it as best i can with others, or at the very least, use it to aid my interactions with others. that's why i have this stupid tongue-in-cheek blog in the first place! academic shitposts and some current social and political events are so important to share.

i do have a side blog for fandom shit since i wasnt smart enough to make that the main and this the side, so fan artists see @/daddy-socrates liking their posts and i am So Sorry About That but like... i don't want to take everything in life so, so, gravely seriously. OBVIOUSLY there are subjects and scenarios that are not to be joked about, but i think we get so bogged down in the severity of all the global problems that we forget to play around a bit. purposely putting a handful of anime characters into my undergrad thesis was my way of being both playful and highlighting how fun is a critical social learning tool. it may well have been the only really solid thing about that project, honestly. i hope that in the future i can revamp it, using what i have now.

so............. that was WAY more than you asked for, but there you have it, my whole raison d'être. :'^) thanks for asking, hope i made sense

[tomdiddlyumptious]

T.H| CoUgh SyrUp

Summary: ~YeAh yEah

Warnings: cigarettesssss- arson- for the love of god please dont read this. I just have writers block idk why im posting it. Also a robbery.

“Y/n, what do you got?” Tom asked, you only tossed the file to him which he opened, a whole plan and blueprint everywhere.

“This is very possible. We can get in and get out if everyone can listen” you looked around, sitting crisscrossed in your seat, shoulders slumped as everyone watched you.

“Can you explain please?” Tom asked, tossing the papers back to you. “Well coming through the back is cliche. So we have the innocent, right” you looked up to the girl, she nodded. “We have to remember. Other then us they are ine of the biggest mobs, they are paying off the cops.” “As clear as day”

After that whole shinnanagin everything was set, you were the driver and tom finally decided to get his hands dirty.

You patiently waited in the car, a not clean one so it didnt look like it could possibly be you guys, but trust and believe that car was better then a tesla.

Tom and his partner walked in, the innocent, trish already in and waiting. Just then toms partner shot the gun “this is a robbery” of course both of their faces were covered with ski masks, wearing all yellow instead of black because....yeah.

Tom grabbed trish by the hair gently and acted like she was being held hostage. “Dont make any fucking noise” he said loudly American accent on point, and she started breathing heavy while haz grabbed the money. “Im so sorry ms. I hope you have a good day” he whispered in his American accent, pointing the gun at her head as sign to hurry up whole her hands stuttered and took all the money out. When she was done she handed the money at him, all 100s. He placed them in the bag.

“How much tome fo we have left y/n?” He asked through his ear piece. “Get two more stashes and we are out” “alright lady keep going”

Tom looked around and seen the innocent people on the floor, slightly feeling bad but its what had to happen. When haz was done they all ran to the car as fast as possible. “GO GO GO” tom screamed, hearing the police close.

You drove normally for a few minutes, not looking suspicious until you started to speed on the high way, trish on her phone playing the news and soon they were caught.

“Trish i am going to drop you off. You are gonna get held by the cops and take you in for questioning. You are going to be as innocent as possible.” You said calmly, and she nodded panicked.

Soon the cops knew where you were and trish hopped out of the car, you all wished her luck and told her how good she was doing before speeding off.

The cops picked her up “are you okay ms?” She nodded.

She sat in the chair, silence consuming the room as she shook and tears fell down her cheeks. “Did you know what they looked like?” “N-no i- uh- they had uhm..” she thickly swallowed “American accents, and they- dressed in all yellow”

“We already have that” they looked on the clipboard. “Anything else..?” He asked “im just scared because i dont know if im gonna lose my job-“ she cried “you arent gonna lose your job! You are a-okay i just need you to tell me more”

“I have nothing”

And that was it. Successful robbery.

You leaned against the building outside, cigarette in your mouth. “Y/n whats on your mind?” Tom asked, walking up next to you. “Nothing” “stop smoking” he snatched the cigarette out or your mouth and threw it somewhere.

“But you smoke cigars?” You side eyed him. “I care about your life more then my own” he shrugged, eyeing you. “Cool” you nodded and sighed “what if we get caught thomas” “we wont, we have the most smartest person on our team” he smiled.

“Im not that smart” “well then wheres the evidence?” He smirked, there would be no trace leading up to any of you. “What if they find it?” “You can unburn stuff?” He asked, taking the lighter from out of your pocket to play with it. “The car?” You asked.

“We painted over it then spray painted it some more, leaving it in a junkyard, and whos idea was that?” He asked, nudging you eith his elbow making a smile come to your lips “im talking to youu” “fineee it was my idea” you turned your head to him. “And as a prize im gifting you to never smoke again” he glared at you.

“Thomas you’re ruining my life” you playfully groaned. “Seriously no more” “ill think about it, and i have to put that lighter into good use. My dad made it for me” he smiled at your words “then i know the exact thing to do” he pulled your hand and pulled you inside, running like children to his office he placed a large thing of paper on the table and your eyebrows furrowed “what is this?”

He placed his hands on his hips before shrugging “i think you like write random shit that you dont like on a piece of paper the light up a bin and set it on fire-“

“Well then in that case!” You cut him off stealing his pen and taking a sheet of paper, writing ‘THOMAS’ with two underlines before sticking it up at him. “Oh haha y/n” he tried to snatch it but you pulled it back making him reach over the table to take it, laughs leaving your lips “shortie” “shut up!-“

[nightswithkookmin]

Imo there is enough to support the possibility of a romantic relationship, but you are writing full on narratives with impossible specificity. You know what confirmation bias is but some young impressionable people dont yet . Forgive me but misleading with ' alt facts' can hurt someone even if you dont mean it. I think you are a good person not looking to hurt anyone. But the way you postulate without any evidence makes your actions a little but like those of a charlatan. Peace and kindness

All these kind words you spew...

It feels more like an advice than a question so I'm not sure how to respond to it...

Let me just say thank you? I never quite understood what the brouhaha was about with my posts but after talking to a few people, 'on the other side' lol and reading your Ask, I think I'm starting to get a better sense of what the problem is.

Something about young impressionable minds or people?

Let the council of elders know, those are not my audience please. I cater to a much more mature audience- at least so far. The people that I interact with and engage with on my posts on and off Tumblr are very mature and not impressionable at all.

They are People with brains who can tell an opinion from fact and can engage in deep complex controversial conversations without throwing up, shedding tears or cussing through to the heavens.

If there are 'impressionable people' reading my blogs- they do so at their own risk. If you know any such people or they run to you with my theories kindly point out to them it's just theory because that's what my opinions are.

I think the best thing you can do is to advice such people to grow up if they are going to sit at the adult table or not read my posts at all. I think you need to learn to hold the right people accountable for their actions.

The best I can do in this case- to hold myself accountable, is to put up a disclaimer on my posts to let people know what it is that they are reading- something I do quite often. But I will make conscious efforts to put up those disclaimers each time henceforth. Thank you.

That I write full on narratives with impossible specificity:

Is this Latin for, 'you write fiction get the fuck outta here?' Chilee.

I don't even know what you mean by this exactly so I may not be able to respond to it to your satisfaction. Bare with me.

So what if I write fiction? What is wrong with writing fiction? Do you hate fiction writers? I don't get what the hate is with these complaints honestly. Do you want me to put up a disclaimer stating my blogs are fiction? Would that help? I would glady do it.

If it helps you sleep at night think of my blogs as fiction- a rose by any other name. I've been keeping up with Shakespeare. Lol.

I don't think it's that deep. Listen, you gotta understand that just because we both 'ship' Jikook don't mean we are on the same team...

Most alt shippers I know and who read my posts and engage with it are not even Army to begin with, for your information. They could care less about these shipping politics of yours. Have you thought about that?

Some simply ship JK and JM and support them because they believe they are members of the LGBTQ plus community not because they are part of BTS.

There are different communities out there who are also into Jikook- for very different reasons. You gotta respect that.

To you, Jikook is just a ship within BTS that may or may not be real, but to some of us they have very much outgrown that description...

They are a brand of their own, a power couple and members of the LGBTQ plus community- Gay Icons extraordinaire. I think we take very different stock in Jikook. So stop trying to fit us all into one box.

It's disrespectful to try and control the way that people perceive their OTP and support them. Jikook don't just belong to Army Jokers, they belong to different communities outside Army. Are you aware of that?

And please don't confuse the intersect. I am an alt-shipper yes but I just so happen to be an Army too. But if I wasn't an Army, I'd still pretty much 'ship' and support Jikook- make no mistake. There are quite a few of us running around these streets, you know?

So you have every right to want to gatekeep your Army Jikook- but you have to do that without infringing on other rights of other 'Jikook communities.'

Throughout my blogs I have tried to shed light on what altshipping is because I thought it would help bridge the gap but clearly that hasn't worked. Sigh.

Misleading alt facts

Do you not know what it means or you are just being ironic?👀

Why is it ok for you to believe and proclaim that JK and BigHit lied about JK dating the Tattoo artist but it's not ok for me to believe JK is telling the truth when he says he didn't date her and that BigHit saw an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone- hence why they didn't press charges against the shop for breach of privacy like they had said they were going to do. Instead, they had asked the shop to keep calm till the scandal died down on it's own?

You start your piece off with the whole, 'there is enough evidence to support a romantic relationship' between JK and the tattoo shop lady- I assume.

For context, this Ask by this anon is in response to my recent post/ answer on the tattoo girl scandal where the topic of discussion was on BigHit, JK and the tattoo artist and not Jikook perse.

A statement that is in direct conflict with JK's statement, BigHit's and the lady in questions, all denying that there was a romantic relationship between her and Jungkook- and somehow I am misleading who- who now with my theory??? Chileee.

Do you see the problem here? Double standards- the hallmark of bigotry. Lmho. You are literally doing the very thing you are accusing me of. Making confident assertions and claiming you know more about JK and the Lady's relationship and even have 'enough evidence' contrary to BigHit, JK and the Tattoo artist's statements denying the rumors- at least when I theorize I admit I'm being delusional. What's your excuse? When you say charlatan are you referring to yourself? You must be. Lmho.

Now I'm confident in my comprehension skills and intelligent enough to know when you make an assertion like this- it is your opinion and you are just stating your opinion. If you are not then honey you'd be opening yourself up to some serious litigation... goodluck I guess. Lol.

You are allowed to form an opinion about a topic. There is nothing wrong with that. If to you, JK and this person dated that is fine. I am not going to cyber bully you, stalk you, throw slurs at you, harrass you, dox you, slid into people's Dms to spread hate and lies about you just because I don't agree with your opinion. And for the record, I don't agree with your opinion. Hehehehe.

I have stated my opinion on the matter. I said I think JK and this person did hang out, go on dates but that there was no romantic sexual relationship between them because I believe that would have had much serious consequences and effects on Jikooks dynamics no matter how much they tried to keep a cool facade. Whoever felt cheated on would have acted more insecure than usual post the incident- how does this make me a charlatan? Are you saying it's wrong it have an opinion? Chileee.

Now if you can produce 'evidence' of them having sex or even kissing, then I will gladly change my mind on the topic and not sweat it.

Jikook have done way worse questionable things in 7 good years and people still don't believe they are dating. Jk hangs out with a female friend a few times in less than a month and suddenly he is dating her? Lmho.

You don't need me to tell you people are more eager to accept a heterosexual relationship than wrap their heads around the fact that two male idols are gay and in a gay relationship with eachother. Don't you just love it when homophobia meets heteronormativity and stinks? I do. Lol.

I mean this is a fandom that thinks JK is 'too touchy' and doesn't respect his boundaries- they practically swear JK is cheating on Jimin with every member any time he hugs, kisses, wings at within the group. You think they will be 'objective' about JK hanging out with a girl? Even if it happened once?

You said something about confirmation bias.... I will not touch it. Lmho.

This is not the first time JK has gone on a date with a girl. This is not the first time he has 'dated a girl', he has hand girls on his laps or whatever- what is a back hug? I think people need to stop defining Jikook's lives by their own standards. If a backhug is intimate to you. Thats you. If you think a grown ass man cannot hang out with a female friend, that's equally you.

You think if he thought it was inappropriate and risky he would do it 'in public?' Get with Kpop Idol dating culture. Lmho.

Do you know the lengths they go through to keep their relationships a secret? Especially non celebrity girlfriends? Chen from EXO got married and where is his wife? They keep their flings tighter than Trump keeps his toupee on his head. Lol.

They hide them not out of shame but out of love and the need to protect their loved ones. These idols have family members who have their restaurants and businesses shut down because they want to keep their privacy.

You think JungKook's girlfriend would- on her own, issue a statement regarding a scandal that Jungkook's agency had specifically directed her and her shop to keep quiet about and lay low till it blew away on its own? And later, started liking couple posts about her and JK? If they were dating, certainly JK would have dumped her after that move. In my opinion.

You think JK would let his fandom drag the person he is in a relationship with to the extent she loses her Job- when in his Itaewon gay pub scandal BigHit referred to the issue as his private affair immediately it happened? They could have kept the same energy with her, no?

They handled his gay pub scandal much better, with much respect and consideration for his privacy- if he dated her sorry but she mustn't have meant much to him at all. And if I were her I would have dumped him for that shit and not stay liking couple posts about us. Damn- But do you.

Taehyung was in a scandal with a girl too- did you see her liking posts and shit and going out of her way to do the most? Did you see how BigHit handled that scandal?

Nothing wrong if JK is 'dating' her or had 'dated' her and whatever person he decides he wants to be in a relationship with I will support him- that's why I support Jikook.

But your opinion is equally valid my guy. Just don't call me a charlatan for mine. You believe they dated, I believe they didn't- and to your impressionable young minds, I hope you are not selling them anything contrary to BigHit and JK's statement. That would be very irresponsible of you. Lol.

What else did you say?

Oh postulating without evidence...

Next time I write a theory based on my observations about Jikook, remind me to break off a piece of my brain and attach it to it- I guess that way people would finally understand when I say things like 'I think' 'in my opinion' 'I feel' 'I believe' that these are just my thoughts and opinions and not facts.

Let me leave you with this:

Peace and kindness. Namaste.

Signed,

GOLDY.

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Can you do a little text with your opinion about the Volturi members? What you like and dislike, they personality, they story... Would be interesting! Kissessss and have a great day! 💜

Imma have a little fun and throw the very young me into the mix to. Let's see child me vs adult me's opinions on the Volturiiii.

Fun fact: I wasn't team Volturi until I was like fifteen. Before that I was team edward... I don't want to talk about that 🤔😒

Also I'm a sucker for villains. If it isn't obvious already, I like the villains more than the heroes. (We all love a bad boy though, don't we?--- TIK TOK NOW IS NOT THE TIMEE.)

So everything i say is just my opinion and should be taken just as that.

Aro: Younger me was like "this...is a terrible person. There really is no need to expand on this." However adult me has been like "GUYS this guy is possibly the SCARIEST character. This man rips off heads AND SMILES ABOUT IT." He gives me child snatcher vibes (from the movies in particular). I thoroughly enjoy the power hungry persona. He's really fitting to be the puppeteer behind the Volturi. Even if he makes it seem it's a group effort with himself, Marcus and Caius. Realistically, Aro gets what he wants and isn't afraid to do what it takes to get it...sorry Didyme. What's even darker about it, WHICH I LOVE, is that he isn't heartless. Smeyer wrote that Aro genuinely loved his sister. It's all good to have a character that's a evil heartless monster but what's more terrifying to me is the ability for someone to do evil despite their love and emotions. It doesn't hold them back and that's what I find particularly frightening now that child me didn't comprehend. Micheal Sheen, from what I remember of his interview years ago, played on the idea that vampires of Aro's age kinda begin to lose their mind. Which, hell freaking yes. However there is one thing I hate for Aro's character that happened in the movies. Breaking dawn part 2. That fucking laugh. Don't get me wrong, hilarious. I can't not laugh but for his character I felt it was too 'hey hey I'm a crazy man hehe'. It was a but too much, even for an eccentric Aro. However, I'm not to mad at it because again, it was funny to watch. I thoroughly enjoy the ‘friendship’ Aro and Carlisle share and i love that it is ‘maintained’ throughout the books. I think it’s just a really nice detail. (I love lore. I am a sucker for it.) The one thing that didnt sit right with me is Aro marrying someone so that he wasnt the alone one whilst his co-leaders were very much in love? Was a little off for me but i suppose that just adds to the character.

Caius: child me would shrink into the seat because what did I do to this man? High key still think I wouldn't want to be Caius' child because imagine doing something wrong and you get that glare? No thank you! Scary angry man. As an adult... "He's an angry boi but...DAYUM WHY IS HE SUDDENLY SO HOT?" Just...don't get angry with me. You'll get annoying real quick and you're too pretty for that. I enjoy the taking-no-shit attitude he has but felt it could have been a little more prominent in BDP2 where Aro asks if Caius' is challenging him. I full believe Caius to an extend would be like "yes, yes I am. Don't be an idiot Aro. Use that braincell!" Which is why I adore the meme vibes I see every now and then of Caius hating Carlisle because why does Aro love that blonde so much? CAIUS HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT LOYAL-- Anyways, I can totally get why Aro wants him on his team. Caius is so angry and has so much hatred that he’s a good asset to the coven, even if not having a special ability.I do find it hard to imagine that Caius is a century older than Aro though. Although I cant picture him over forty years old lol. Although i do personally enjoy the whole Caius x Athenodora route. IT’S TRUE LOVE! Okay so maybe thats a little dramatic but its better than Aro’s lmao.

Marcus: movie Marcus is absolutely not nineteen years old and that's just a fact. If anything, he's the forty year old one lmao. Child me couldn't care about this man. He was the man who said nothing and slumped on a throne. That was Marcus. That was his character summed up. Then adult me rolled in and OMG NO DON'T DO THIS TO THIS SWEET MAN. LET HIM BE IN LOVE. As an adult i definitely became more attached. I feel like i was too young back then to get why Marcus was in the Volturi. He seemed very out of place and like a filler co-leader more than anything. However as i’ve gotten older (and written for him), I recognised that's the point. That’s Marcus’ evident grief. He isn’t there by choice and losing Didyme caused him to fall out of line with the coven. He’s lost point or purpose. Almost like its become meaningless because the love of his life was gone and he couldn't save her.So what was the aims of the Volturi to protect vampire kind when they couldn’t protect their own? He couldnt protect her. I had never heard of anything like bond identification and once i had- i was shook, like it became clear why he had been so necessary in the first place. That really is handy to understand everyones bonds in a coven, he could direct Chelsea and the two alone could destroy covens by bonds alone. Marcus makes the Volturi more realistic in a lot of ways. Like in a family, there is the happy times, goofy people like Felix, the twins representing a close bond. Afton and Chelsea, love that cant be divided. The list really goes on. Marcus represents love and heartbreak, pain, loss grief, the sad moments every family goes through. In that way he makes the coven seem less invincible, a group of people who at the end of the day, have their own weaknesses and immortality doesn’t mean a perfect existence. Especially when, in my opinion, Bella fantasized about immortality and how perfect it would be. Even after her change, she waited for her happy ending because that was somehow guaranteed in some level. Which in the end, she got but not everyone gets that happy ending we all want. I also personally think Marcus is the most feeling of the Volturi, despite being apathetic. A result of heartbreak. It’s shown he can still feel more in his own ways when he voted against Renesmee being destroyed. Furthermore, he advocated that vampire hybrids were a lot like vampires. He made that relation openly before anyone. Its almost as though losing Didyme helped him value a life?

Jane and Alec: Child me thought these two were  badass...and that still remains in my adult life. It’s always been uncomfortable to me that someone so young is so sadistic and powerful. Jane is the older twin with the ability of pain illusion...yikes. Her ability was evident in her human life along with Alec’s. His gift is sensory deprivation and these two were my favourites in the whole Saga. Still kind of are if im honest. I thoroughly enjoy the twins backstory. It has the most detail. I have a tag for the twins. Canon!twins is the tag for the twins in their book age. Unless this tag is present, the twins have been aged up :). They are very much canon but I put a bit more emphasis on tantrums. If they get angry, they both have tantrums. So whilst (unless tagged) they aren't children they can be very childish and these tantrums are pretty deadly. They’re also very possessive? I dont even know if thats the right word i’m looking for in all honesty. Lets say they get very attached if they like you. These two are probably the most secluded out of the whole Volturi.

Felix: Felix! High ranking guard due to strength and speed. I am a major supporter of Felix being a gladiator when he was human. He as a lighter grey cloak meaning he isn’t as high ranked but is so good at what he does that he’s been kept for centuries...and a lot of them. Personality? FINALLY, WE’VE GOT ONE WITH PERSONALITY!! (Im writing these out of order and i’ve just finished a chunk of Volturi members who have personalities as invisible as Afton.) Flirtatious and Light hearted, we love flirtatious and light hearted! Basically a comedian! Helllll yes, keep it going! Extremely vicious and highly aggressive? You know what? I still like it. He wouldn’t be a Volturi without a dark side. Cold blooded murderer. Yes. 10/10. Finally, someone Smeyer seems to actually care about. He flirted with Bella a couple of times in the books and i was FOR IT ALL THE WAY. I was very sad i saw none of it in the movies but im used to heartbreak by now. Im in this fandom after all. We were robbed of a lot. Strongest vampire in the world? I believe you, he’s also a hecking treeeeee. HE DO BE A TALL BOI. He actually makes Demetri look small and that’s still hilarious to me. Demetri is actually tall. However, if it isnt obvious we clearly traded backstory for personality. I cant get both smh. So...as i said before I fully believe Felix was a gladiator back in the day, hence his physique and height and excellent fighting abilities he has even as a vampire but then it kind of ends. I will say from the dawn of time, i don’t think Felix is the most academic man, just because of his era. I also think majority of the Volturi couldn’t read of write in their human lives and had to learn much older, most learning as vampires. Felix was one of these vampires, Although even now he isnt the most great at it. Then a wonderful writer known as @wallwriterstuff included it and now it’s canon in my eyes. I fully believe Felix is a slow reader and writing isn’t his strong suit either. Wallwriter also includes the possibility that Felix could be dyslexic which im all for too. For a very long time i’ve considered writing a dyslexic reader with the Volturi but have always hesitated because i don’t have it and wouldn’t want to upset someone for any misunderstandings or inaccuracies. However what i will say is that i think vampires would be the most understanding to humans with dyslexia. Learning things like that in later development or as an adult is difficult and they wouldnt think any less of you for struggling with reading, writing, numeracy- you name it. You’ll probably find they’re with you in the struggle at least half of the time. He’s also the goofball of the Volturi, even though he’s not really a goofball in our eyes, he’s the closest to a goofball out of the whole Volturi ...Emmett beats him in the Goofball wars.

Demetri: Oh yeah, it's Demetri's turn! So Demetri was previously in Amun's coven. When Chelsea gave him the old razzle dazzle...I've said Chelsea's gift so many times at this point it's getting old. I have two characters left after Demetri 😂😂 Anyway, with that Demetri was like "welp, I'm in the Volturi now." And now that they had a better tracker the previous one was kicked out. He isn’t much of a talker, polite and formal. He’s elegant (more graceful than i could ever be) and charming...yeah he is, you can say that AGAIN. He is also very calm, when next to Felix, i think everyone is calm but you know, we’ll say he’s a very calm person. I like how he was originally in the Egyptian coven with Amun. Given Amun’s goals this a pretty nice detail. NOW LETS GO TO MY VERSION. He’s very charming, calm, polite, formal and even a lil’ but quiet, i kept him pretty canon because he actually had a description to go on :))))))))))  Moving on. Demetri can be a very successful flirt when he wants to be and does have a Casanova reputation. However beyond the charming Volturi guard who has a brutal side like the rest of them, he has a chewy centre, deep down. I added that he had a child in his human life, one he doesn’t remember and very few people know about. He remembers that they died of an illness very young (around six?) but can’t remember what they look like. For that reason he doesn’t like talking about his child, he feels awful he doesn’t remember them and the loss still hits a pang in his chest. 

Heidi: Alright im ready for this one! Child me didn’t necessarily enjoy Heidi? I was rather passive about her. It was all ‘pretty vampire used for her looks’ in my eyes back then and i was never comfortable with that. I’ll get into my take on Heidi in a moment, roll on the backstory!  So Heidi knew Victoria as they used to be coven mates and we’re going to continue on as though Heidi didn’t care when she was killed? Like...its genuinely a burning question in my mind! If she didn't care, could that show the extent of Chelsea’s power in action!? (can we tell im enthusiastic about this coven yet?) It’s quite smart to have someone lure in prey. I wont lie, Heidi has quite the badass role in the coven. I wouldn't have thought about that I reckon. I’ve always thought that showed a kind of superiority. Oh you guys need to hunt your prey? pfft, ours literally comes to us. Her backstory really starts with Heidi being mistreated in her human life...a common theme Smeyer has. It can get old- i wont lie but when i give it some thought it kind of makes sense. Rosalie said it herself in eclipse, if any one of them had their happy ending, they’d be six feet under but i’d love a little bit more creativity. I could go on about how male vampires ended up being changed in comparison to female vampires but i’ll swiftly move on because that’s a whole other thing alone. Heidi was changed out of pity. (Which kinda infuriates me just to type, a pity change? Really? Really Hilda? we’ll see why it annoys me when i explain my take on Heidi.) Heidi was happy in her coven with Hilda, Victoria etc, which is hell yes. We love that. This is around the time she discovered her gift. Vampires were attracted to her and humans fell prey to her easily. Yup okay. I’ll take that. After a newborn vampire caused ‘too much attention’ Aro spared Heidi and Chelsea used her gift on Heidi. Nice, very nice aaaaand that’s where it stops and im left hanging.  Personality time with Smeyer! Lets goooo.  From what i remember and can find- she didn’t fucking have one. Apparently being pretty is enough for everyone.  Which in hindsight, fair enough on a human Bella’s perspective, its literally Heidi’s gift to lure you in no matter what. She could tell you she’s a serial killer (and technically is lmao) and is about to sell your kidneys on the black market as to which you’ll be like ‘sign me the fuck up, want my liver too? Here, let me lie on the table for you. I’m down.’ without even realising what just happened. But even beyond that...Heidi has no personality traits mentioned. In New Moon she appears to be a little flirty which im all for, why the hell not? But...thats it? Thats all I get? Then we get into fanfictions, because i read them growing up. Heidi was depicted as flirtatious, promiscuous and then it varied between manipulative or she wasnt very smart. Which i’m knocking absolutely no one for. I think you can get a badass character who is incredibly dumb. I think all characters are actually valid whether they’re a genius or flat out dumb. I love them all. However it never really sat with me. I was never quite satisfied which i was fine with until i started writing for myself. That’s when i knew i’d have to really think about what my version of Heidi would be or i’d never be happy with my work. That and you also begin to fill in the blanks? The more you write the more you flesh out a character for yourself and so that rolls into my version of Heidi! So for my Heidi, she often gets the same trope of ‘she’s pretty and rich, those types of girls have easy lives who always had everything given to them.’ Then when it’s discovered she didn’t have a good human life. It turns to the next assumption of ‘oh she’s pretty and stupid enough to be used and manipulated’. In a lot of ways, that’s what Heidi wants everyone to think. Underestimate her, please, its all the easier to manipulate you if you do.  She’s actually very smart and her rough human life made her more tough and intelligent. She’s very manipulative and yes she’s very flirty. You can look but you cant touch! She enjoys the attention her beauty gets her but if only these people would care more about what she’s like as a person. She’s not a barbie doll she will play you if she needs to. The only one who’s actually gotten far enough to sleep with Heidi is Demetri and even then the two don’t see each other romantically. They’re good friends who thinks the other is very attractive but that's where it ends. They’re basically friends with benefits some times lmao. However, Demetri got that far because he see’s the intellect Heidi actually has and acknowledges it. He thinks shes a queen who should be treated as such. She could take anything she wanted, a storm that people can only hope to survive in one piece.  Secretly she enjoys a family setting. Whilst she never really wanted children (especially when she was expected to when human), she couldn't help but melt inside seeing little human children with their loving parents. She wants that for all children. Whether that's because she lacked such affection growing up, no one knows. She’s also a really good friend, you bet she’ll have your back. Crappy ex? Well we’ll show them, wont we (Y/N)? She’ll be a bitch and enjoy every second of it. She also loves the single life, believe it or not, you’ll have more difficulty getting Heidi to settle down than you would Demetri which speaks volumes.  So yeah, move past her gift and really get to know her and you might have a very good friend.  I also don’t see Heidi having a preference between male or females and that’s in all honesty. Times have changed and if she is attracted to another female then she wont be ashamed of it. She never has been (Demetri was the first to figure that out, Felix may be the last.) Even when the times weren’t approving of different sexualities, she didn't care. She will flirt with you and find it ridiculously cute if you get flustered.

Sulpicia: Sulpicia was an orphan which i used to develop my own version of her. Sulpicia grew to love Aro which im on the fence about but yup, i’ll take it. You’ll see what happens with my version in a bit lmao. and that’s where it stops. I get no personality again but do you know what we do in this fandom? We create one and fill in the blanks baby! So i write Sulpicia very materialistic and vain, she’s most snobbish of the wives and due to the other two, also considered the meaner one. She didnt have such things as a child being an orphan so when she got the opportunity to have it-she jumped. She isnt easily impressed and married Aro not for love but for immortality, money and status. (He’s only married you for your money, princess Jasmine! HE ONLY MARRIED YOU FOR YOUR MONEY! Damn it tik tok, but make it princess Aro) Which works well, because Aro doesnt necessarily love her either, he just wanted a mate so he wasnt the odd one out.He literally created her because he was like “Yup, you’ll do.” The two recognised they made a great team and image so they kinda grew to love each other? A little bit? Sure we’ll say its love...sorta. ANYWAY, It’s a highlight to Sulpicia being locked in that tower where she doesnt need to see Aro every little moment, it’s better than having a husband who she’d need to see everyday. ...Yeah my Sulpicia is something else lmao.

Athenodora:  Athenodora is one of the oldest vampires in existence which kinda has me shook but I'll take it. She met Caius when he was fleeing from the Romanians, the two travelled together until they met Aro. Whilst on their nomadic travels they seemingly became mates. That's all we know about that. As to which the Volturi coven was made. Athenodora is completely loyal to Caius as well as highly dependent on him and I think that's very realistic given her circumstances. That's where their story ends...maybe for Smeyer but not for me! 😁 So I picture Caius and Athenodora being different sides of the same coin. Athenodora really mellows Caius, she is no where near is violent and sadistic as he is but due to her unwavering loyalty and dependency, she doesn't feel inclination to go against him...also because of Chelsea and Corin but I've said that so many times in this post I think we get the point. I think she's actually more gentle and soft spoken but that being said. She is very reserved and if she were to be angered she'd very much change. She could cut you down with words alone. Caius loves it. However beyond this is someone who is very maternal. Caius would appreciate it more if the two had children but instead it has created empathy. Caius doesn't want that when he can rip their head off. She struggles a little more with the 'no second chances' and that's another reason why Caius keeps her locked away and away from it. These two love each other more than words can describe. After being through so much with someone, the love can only grow. The two would happily risk their life for the other. Caius is saddened that he could never give her the family she wanted. He knows that to this day, Athenodora tries to reign in that side of her. He's a very supportive husband who's very different around his wife. He's much more tolerant, and angry. Simply more at ease. If anything happened to Athenodora, to put it simply...there would be hell to pay.

Didyme: Married to Marcus and Aro’s biological sister. Cute, me likely, keepy going. Her gift was happiness induction. VERY ADORABLE- Dont be as menacing as your brother...please. She was born several years after Aro and was changed by Aro ten and a half years after he was turned. (Dont tease me with all this lore Smeyer, I know what you’re gonna do) Aro was deeply disappointed her gift was just to make people happy- its okay Didyme, we love you. Aro is just...Aro. Her gift made many fall in love with her and its so freaking cute i CANT- but she only felt the same feelings for Marcus. MY HEART IS SO WARMMMM. Unfortunately they were so happy together that they lost interest in anything Volturi and were ready to leave. (Uh oh.) Aro, being the sneaky fellow he is, was like “I’m really happy for y’all of course you can leave. I love you my babies. My best friend and my sisterrrrrrr, I am the captain of this SHIP.” but was actually like “wait, no, no, no, not my Marcus. D-D-Did-Didyme I NEED him.” Think Sid the Sloth from ice age in the first movie when Sid really wants the baby. So this man is like...gonna have to do it to em and murder. He killed Didyme secretly (dunno how he pulled the secret part off- like i know how he did it but how did no one hear or see anything or even suspect anything IT WAS LITERAL FRIENDLY FIRE but we love the drama so continue.) Ironically enough she was very close with Aro and the two actually did love each other, Aro is just...murderous apparently, to the extent that even his sister isnt safe. And that’s it. That’s Didyme. Which im like...alright Smeyer i see you. I like this and expanded on this with my Didyme.  i get the vibes that Didyme is the most innocent and kind of all the Volturi. Losing her meant losing the consciousness within the Volturi making them all the more ruthless because there was no one to say. “Guys, maybe lets rethink this? and quickly because i cant get Caius to put down the torch thats currently on fire.” Losing Didyme made Marcus mostly become passive and would rarely stop anything that happened. I often wonder if that provoked a lot of guilt for Marcus later on. (However thats a spoiler for something im currently writing...;) ) I also think of her as a major daydreamer and the most soft, gentle person anyone will ever meet. Like its difficult not to like her despite being in the Volturi, even the Romanians would have struggled if they met her. So in the long run...i hate nothing about Didyme, only find more and more love lmao.

Corin: So im going to be honest and tell you i have no idea what Corin would look like. I’ve got nothing and when i was younger i wasnt even sure if Corin was male or female. Like a lot of these names, i had never heard of the name ‘Corin’. I dont write for her as of yet because im still trying to figure her out. I think she’s quite quiet, she lets her gift do most of the work for her in keeping the wives, Chelsea and Caius when he doesnt get to go on a rampage, content. She was brought in also after Didyme died but Marcus refused her gift.That’s all i’ve got for her. Her gift is amazing, pretty underrated in my personal opinion since like Chelsea, she really helps keep the Volturi unified but other than that, I dont have much to say about her. :(

Afton:  Another character i basically filled the blanks in for myself. So what we’re told is that he’s Chelsea’s mate and has the ability to disappear . Whilst thats a pretty cool trick...the volturi dont necessarily need it but they have to keep Chelsea happy and she demands that Afton stays so welcome to the family Afton! I also recently learned that if you hide behind Afton and he goes invisible infront of an opponent, you too will also be invisible. I figure that is until the opponent moves and basically changes their perspective but i could be wrong with that last part. That’s all we get so time for my unnecessary input!  SO AFTON IS A TOTAL SWEETHEART. He’s very shy but polite. This is a complete opposite to his mate Chelsea. It’s actually what she liked about him. At first is was just be flirtatious to the shy vampire but when she actually got to know him... she fell hard. It was also Chelsea who had made the first move since Afton was so shy. Of course she’d never say so and Afton would never want to embarrass her so that was never really disclosed to anyone who wasn’t around at that time. She brings Afton out of his shell a lot and it wasn’t long before the two were mates. Chelsea is the light of his life. Hands down. He puts up with a lot for her and is happy to do so. She could ask anything of him and he’d do it and she doesn’t even need to use her gift. He buys are anything she wants almost instantly. He cant help but adore her passionate personality, like how hooked she can get on era’s such as the 1920′s, her love for jazz music and her ability to gush on and on about anything. The two had what the other lacked and that made them an excellent team. I love their relationship. I cant help it. However, as i said before Afton is very shy and tends to keep to himself. Sadly that, paired with Chelsea’s demand to keep him in the Volturi has left Afton a little bit outcasted. All the other permanent guards were wanted and considered important whilst Afton...not so much. Although that isn’t to say the other guards are mean to him or anything. They aren’t! (Except the twins who are...the twins.) Felix and Demetri tried to include him a lot but it was very difficult to break him out of his shell. That doesn’t mean to say they wont invite Afton when he’s around. Chelsea always appreciates their efforts. Afton is notably good friends with Santiago, who often preferred solitude as well. 

(Guard to the left is who I imagine Afton is)

Chelsea: So supposedly Chelsea’s original name is Charmion? When i was younger i didnt really care much about her. I only really knew her gift and that she was the reason Afton was kept in the Volturi, since they were mates. From what im aware Chelsea basically wasnt in the movies/not identified. There wasnt much said about her in the books either. So since then i’ve kind of developed my own persona of Chelsea that could be completely inaccurate to canon but canon was my foundations with characters like these. She was always a red head in my eyes with ringlets, a copper kind of red head. I also pictured her to be small. However the newest addition to her character would have to be the mid-Atlantic accent. I blame Poppy Hill for this one. That character screamed Chelsea to me. She was very close to how i imagine Chelsea to be. So now Chelsea has an accent that i have no clue how she managed to maintain being in Italy so long and being born in Greece. LMAO. We’ll say she was very attached to that time. However, I think the time she joined the Volturi was actually very good for the story. She first came around just after Marcus had lost Didyme and Aro had her use her ability to keep Marcus in the coven. it’s really cool how she could really make or break the coven. Although, Aro was smart enough to not fully rely on her, using Corin’s ability on Chelsea to make sure she’d be happy and stay within the Volturi. Thats where the information on Chelsea really ends Over the years Chelsea has appeared in my writing and so beyond this point, Chelsea’s character is only my depiction.  I figure Chelsea is a talker, like she can talk her way in and out of situations with ease. She enjoys being manipulated and even more so, being needed.Much like her gift, she gets under people’s skin- not in terms that she’s annoying but more so she can figure out people very well. Her mate is the complete opposite and so she often speaks on the behalf of them. Chelsea is very social and charismatic. She along with Heidi are the only two Volturi members who will be out and interacting with humans if necessary. Heidi for her ability but Chelsea purely for her social skills. She’s also the most interested in human culture. She loves the parties- the 1920′s being her favourite era in terms of fashion. She has no issue changing her name and has done so multiple times when the names run out of fashion.It’s like playing dress up! I’d actually love to write more about her. I’ve really grown to love her character, even if i filled in some blanks for myself. I think she and Afton’s relationship is one of the best, up there with Carlisle and Esme- despite the two being very different. It’s a part of their dynamic!

(I always imagined Chelsea to be a red head but Poppy Hill from THOHH is a very close depiction to Chelsea in my eyes)

Renata: A stressed little bean that lives on stress. I remember thinking when i was younger she was the big threat since she was Aro’s shield but now that im older i see...a stressed little five foot bean. I have no idea what she looks like but always imagine her dark hair tied in a tight bun, looking almost painful. Another who wears heels, like Heidi but she is very rigid just as she has been described. Her uncle is a bit of an ass considering he begged her to go with the Volturi so there wouldn’t be a threat. Dude, can you not just...hand over your niece? At least hesitate! Just like that, thanks to Chelsea, she’d give her life to protect Aro and...I have nothing else. Yes it does drive me mad that there are two named guards i know next to nothing about.

Santiago:So what’s known about Santiago is that he doesn’t actually have an ability. He’s just very good at battle techniques and fighting which is why he’s kept around. If they need fighters, they’re top three are Felix, Demetri and Santiago...in that order. Santiago is also much faster than a regular vampire (as shown in breaking dawn part 2- he caught up to Jacob and Renesmee quite fast despite the two having a running start and wolves supposedly being very fast- much like a vampire) That’s all we know of him so then i got in there and this is how I write Santiago. I gave him the background of coming from a superstitious family. Like he would be told tales of demons and witches growing up as well as things like voodoo. He knew an awful lot of urban legends and whilst he stopped believing in the bad luck his family taught him, he still held interest and couldn’t help the instinct of unease when witnessing such things as rituals. It’s ironic really. However Santiago always deems that humans have it all wrong. These forces are beyond human understanding and shouldn’t be played with. In that way, perhaps Santiago still has some belief in things such as superstition. He’s very secretive about it and would never clarify it for you. Santiago keeps to himself and can be quite standoffish. He can also be blunt even if it’s insulting- he doesn’t tend to care. Although he and Afton became quite good friends since the Afton was an outcast and Santiago didn’t enjoy large groups, or most people in general.

[kob131]

Geez, this person really went all out with this BS rant against the show/staff. www(.)reddit( lcom/r/RWBY/comments/kiqatg/why_rwby_will_always_be_an_okay_show/

... You know I have been trying to step away from directly addressing RWBY bullshit. But...fuck it here.

If you ever talked to me about how I felt about RWBY, I would say that RWBY pre-Volume 8 has been a touchy subject for me. I felt very validated by two videos, "Why RWBY is Disappointing" and "The White Fang Problem".

Yes yes, and people with parental issues feel validated by their abusive spouse. That means nothing, especially given that one of those videos you mentioned is riddled with bullshit.

"Why RWBY is Disappointing" validated my criticism of RWBYs writing. The fact that Miles and Kerry can't and refuse to take any kind of criticism that doesn't hurt their feelings is complete [insert bad word here]. All criticism is going to hurt your feelings. Yes, you should probably ignore the long winded rants that make themselves out to be self important- why is there a mirror here? But there is truth to all criticism.

And there’s a kernel of truth in the best lies- they’re still LIES.

Not to mention the video you mentioned here (which I am assuming is Hbomberguy’s) pulls the SAME SHIT it calls out. Like say...decrying critics pesonally attacking the writers...while proclaiming Jaune and Neptune as self inserts even though Miles AND Kerry is on the record saying that at least Jaune isn’t written by his voice actor.

I'm currently learning about Branding and how important it is to know your audience. Take self.care breaks, talk with someone you trust. Someone who isn't Miles or Kerry! If your reading this. An outside perspective can help. The reason I say that is because if you two constantly talk to each other you're going to end up in an echo chamber. TALK TO FIONA! She's literally your target audience!

Because hey, a man who contradicts himself numerous times and made personal attacks on the creators that only the most malicious and self righteous do is SOOOO trustworthy right? 

Remember that tweet Hbomb brought up in his video as an example of criticism the creators should listen to? The one that demanded Miles get back to work and tried to use the catchphrase of his dead friend to manipulate him?

What a fucking target audience.

I know they mentioned ‘Fiona’ (likely the character’s voice actress) but there’s a supposed fan, one that pretty much sums up the critics, and a perfect example why it gets tossed out.

Moving on, the other video validated something I wish it didn't. "The White Fang Problem" brought to light something I knew was there but either ignored or I wasn't thinking. The White Fang has always made me a little uncomfortable. As a minority, it didn't translate well in my head. The minority are the bad guys. The Civil rights group were the bad guys. I brushed it off for a long time but after that video I couldn't.

Ah huh. So uh, the existence of Blake, Ghira, Kali, Sun, Illa, Velvet, Neon ect. is just incovienable to you huh? And don’t give me that ‘But civil rights group!’- The first episode had them break up a peaceful protest and it’s repeatedly hammered home that the current White Fang doesn’t give a SHIT about equal rights. And no, that concept is not racist- Judging from a story I read, that happened to the New Black Panthers in REAL LIFE.

It became a moral issue. Watching RWBY became a moral issue. RWBY is still pushing right wing talking points.-

Being right of you is not right wing, Especially given how you just acted.

I dont believe Miles and Kerry are racist. I do believe that Miles and Kerry both hold skewed beliefs in what right and wrong is.

Projection.

The way Miles and Kerry treat self defense and protest shows that they know nothing about being Black. They didn't do their research. They didn't talk to minorities about how they were being portrayed. They simply believed that they were right and we were wrong.

Ah huh, ah huh, ah huh-

Monty wrote the White Fang this way. You know, the ASIAN man of FOUR NATIONALITIES. So uh, congrats on saying at the absolute most- Nothing.

Now these two videos are old news. They've been posted on this very same subreddit. But you can't go around and say how much of a progressive and open minded individual you are when the fact that RWBY is a racist show and treats minorities very badly. So no one talks about them.

Or that, as I showed: these videos are bullshit.

Also its kinda homophobic too, not because of Bumblby but because despite Tera and Saphorn being a happy married couple they never kiss on screen. Have you seen happy married couples? Have you seen gay happy married couples? They literally do nothing but kiss. Its cute and adorable and deserves to be spread as far and wide. Despite the show having two straight couple kisses, granted one was in Volume but still, they couldn't get the married couple to kiss? Just saying.

... And not all gay couples are the same, even if I’m sure you’re thinking of TEENAGERS.

You know, judging people based on a preconcieved notion (AKA stereotyping) is pretty fucking bigoted itself...

Watch people be in the comments typing away that this isn't a romance show and how I shouldn't expect romance in an action adventure show despite the long list of evidence to the contrary.

Ah yes, that long list of ONE kiss by a TORPEDOED SHIP.

Such convincing rhetoric.

So you can see I was not coming into Volume 8 with my rose colored glasses. I'm sure many of you hate me because of all my comments, but I don't care. I was ready to leave RWBY. I didn't care. RWBY had taken up so much of my life but I don't care. I was not going to support a show that didn't improve.

Ah huh-

You just came in with jade-colored glass and accepted anything that validated you instead of questioning yourself. You talk about branding but that’s ALL you’ve branded yourself as.

So I watched. And something happened. Something strange. RWBY was moving in a direction I didn't expect it to. Oscar got what he deserved. The Heros were oblivious to the danger that is Salem. Things were headed in the direction that would change the characters forever. It'll be just like Beacon but better. And then they had to ruin it.

Oh we are about to get some real bullshit.

Oscar somehow convinces Hazel to betray Salem. What could have been an avenue to a multi season story arc for Oscar that included the stories villains became a shitty uninspired redemption arc. Kill me.

No he didn’t and this has been something hinted at since Volume 4.

There's still hope for the season but at this point I lost all hope. 

This is the scene that killed Volume 8 for me. Oscar should not be the one who defeats Salem. In fact he should be an avenue to learn more about the villains. He served his purpose with the heroes, now he has a new arc with the villains. Oscar doesn't turn evil, but he's like a conscious. Salem doesn't want to kill him because he can be useful in finding the last remaining relics and maidens.

Assumptions.

Oscar has a heart to heart with all the villains including Salem. Oscar learns to be his own man and accepts he's now one with Ozma but he doesn't have to be another Ozma. He doesn't have to make the same decisions.

Its a great Arc for Oscar. It also makes sense for his character. Ozma feels Salem is pure evil but Oscar can learn for himself.

Headcanon.

But they won't do that. Instead they're going to take the easy way out. Like always.

Bias getting in the way.

Miles and Kerry love wrapping up each season in a little bow. This is why RWBY is so okay.

They say as every RWBY Volumes ends in a cliffhanger.

This is Beacon but if Miles and Kerry thought that RWBY should still be in Beacon. This is Beacon but without major character death. This is Beacon but the main villain loses because the heroes can't lose. Cinder isn't threatening. None of the villains are. Salem is in a Grimm! She should know everything! Why is there no creativity? Why is she not an over powered mess in A GRIMM!? Her own domain?! Why are the writers writing her not as a powerful goddess reaffirming her as a threat but as a human being. Yes I know what that sounds like but hear me out.

‘None of the villains are threatening!’

‘WHY IS THE MAIN VILLAIN NOT BEING TREATED AS THREATENING LIKE I THINK SHE IS!’

‘Why is there no creativity?’

‘DO THE MOST UNCREATIVE THING POSSIBLE!’

How about I keep mocking you?

If Salem can be out smarted by a 10 year old boy, why did it take Ozma so long to defeat her? Oscar should fail. RWBY should fail. They should go through character arcs that help them better understand Salem. Because that's how you defeat Salem.

Pushing your own thoughts onto the show. Also assumptions AGAIN.

I always believed that Ozma and Salem are very similar to Ruby and Weiss. Yes I know how it sounds but it makes sense.-

Too bad your AU fanfic doesn’t matter.

But they won't. Miles and Kerry will use Oscar to defeat Salem. Why? Who knows at this point. I dont know why Miles and Kerry keep pushing Oscar into the spotlight. Its exactly how they treated Jaune Pre-Volume 7. Jaune had to be the focus so often we hated him. And they're doing it again with Oscar

Ah huh. You know, the whole NOTHING Jaune did in Volume 6 was SOOO spotlight stealing, along with his REMOVAL FROM THE CAST FOR SEVERAL EPISODES.

Wanna bet this is another case of ‘penis on screen, me hate’?

They refuse learn and they refuse to improve. If Volume 8 doesn't improve im leaving RWBY. It doesn't matter to any of you. I'm saying it more for myself. So I don't continue with a show that constantly disappoints me. But more so, I don't support a show that views people like me as lesser. If the writing improves it proves that they can grow and get better but if it doesn't it means they will continue to treat Faunus as misguided and horrible characters. And I refuse to support a show that uses my likeness to get brownie points from people who are unaffected by such messages.

A. No, that’s who refused to do self reflection and improve.

B. Should have done that in the first place.

C. No, once again- You blind yourself from the shit that disproves you.

D. You heard him- Treat the Fanaus like shit and make the humans in the right. You know, the opposite what the show is doing now since it’s SOOO horrible.

E. You are not the center of the universe.

[terriblygrimm]

ohmygod finally someone who shares my views. my sister and I loved fatws for what they did w sam’s character but aside from that the writing was very bad. we really could not understand wtf was bucky’s purpose to the main plot and what new side of bucky did we see. when the action wasnt happening he kept whining about steve and being rude to sam and then marvel thrust sambucky onto us and basically told us to move onto this Brand New Duo. sam and bucky were not on equal footing here and their personal struggles did not hold equal weight at all (i will give credits to anthony and seb here for making their friendship look believable) mcu keeps sidelining bucky and i thought they would do him some justice in this show but they didnt. after reading the articles and interviews post the show it was evident the writers did not understand bucky’s character at all. his whole character development was moving on from steve and now becoming sam’s sidekick? (also im really hoping and praying these writers dont go through with sarahbucky in the future because…no..absolutely not). and i do hope that what you said about a future steve bucky reunion comes true because so far mcu has been very hellbent on erasing their friendship and its just pathetic that they try to undermine their friendship so much, while weirdly enough also emphasizing that yes it has deep emotional value.

yeah like, i’m gonna try to make this as succinct and short (lol) as i possibly can without going off on tangents but tf.atws should’ve been SAM’S show. sam alone. he should’ve been the only title character, and they could’ve properly focused on his arc and the sociopolitical weight of it. that is MORE than enough content to fill up 6 hours. i absolutely love cap!sam and i think he’s gonna be a great captain america. i’m very much looking forward to his future.

but virtually everything else about this show from conception to film was a miss.

the flag smashers? (really marvel? your military propaganda perked its ugly ass head with this one. within the first five minutes of the show they were condemning ppl who believed in a world without borders lmfao. i legit almost stopped watching right then i’m not kidding) and the storyline itself wasn’t even coherent. they had WAY too many characters and arcs to focus on and it just.. didn’t work. didn’t do any one of them justice. not even their title characters - especially their title characers. the whole thing felt very hollow and emotionally remiss. the barely existent dialogue was clunky and awkward, and i’m sorry but.. to me, sam and bucky do not organically get along lol. the chemistry between the actors is undeniable which is why so many ppl ate it up, (and do i think they could eventually get along? yes) but the buddybuddy thing was pretty forced imo. very sudden and based on very little. 

their stories were at odds, with not one common goal between them all the way to the end. they fought for screen time and it caused both of their stories to suffer and not carry the weight they should have. they both had VERY heavy content to work with (a black captain america / a trauma/abuse/pow survivor) but somehow marvel - in true marvel fashion - did not commit to either and tried to tread lightly on both. 

bucky and sam only had the thin thread of steve woven between them & even that was done poorly because the writers themselves admittedly weren’t told what happened to steve, therefore they couldn’t write a definitive arc about it. and instead of actually committing to the deep bond between he and bucky, they took the no homo route and had bucky express anger over who holds property of the shield, rather than admitting it was steve himself that he emotionally and physically missed. but again, they couldn’t really do that, could they? they didn’t know if steve was alive or if bucky knew of his whereabouts. 

i’ll admit i did enjoy the peripheral concept of bucky helping steve pass along the shield, like he was its watcher, making sure steve’s legacy fell in good hands, and was there to basically coach sam along the way. in THAT regard alone, it did feel like he and steve were still a team post-endgame. that, on top of saying that he and steve discussed the future of the shield together was a sweet touch. loved that, but it was executed poorly like everything else.

& his winter soldier arc... lordy, was that handled horribly. bucky is a charming, gentle, burdened, lover-not-a-fighter (since the 40s) victim and they turned him macho, carrying the burden of his abusers and guilted into making amends? and that his problems were his fault because he couldn’t trust people? say what now? bucky is a pissed off, good-hearted war vet with a LOT of baggage- he’s not just some dude. the effort to butch up and patch up bucky in a quick fix was apparent, from the short hair, to the list of names, to the “man up” approach everybody came at him with, to the really out of place heterosexual flirting. i mean honest to god who the has time to flirt? apparently bucky! none of the other characters even passed a sideways glance to another during the entire series aside from the one character who audiences have been vocal about being queer for 10 years. hmmm.... (and then the writers actually CAME OUT & MADE A POINT TO SAY that they did not intend for his bisexuality lmfao i mean please dear god put us out of this misery. that writer/director need to stop talking because nobody cares about their personal opinions or headcanons. media is for the viewer to interpret so please shut up.)

overall the actors did what they could w that script, that much was obvious- and they certainly tried to stay as true to their visions/versions of the characters as they could but it just didn’t end up matching up.

but yeah, on a lighter note, i sincerely don’t think they’ll continue bucky in sam’s sphere. i think that was a one off. i don’t think they actually wanted to sell them as a “new partnership” but they just didn’t know how to write the dynamic properly. i think tf.atws was just a sad, sad attempt to place them somewhere post-endgame so they can continue on in bigger marvel films. sam’s got his cap4 and his new team (torres, sharon, walker), and i think i read he’s gonna make an appearance in black panther? which will be sooooo awesome!! 

and bucky? his ending was very open, what with him miraculously “feeling better” yet not quite the white wolf, and not permanent in any place. and on top of that, he was instructed to stay away from wakanda so he can’t make future appearances there, so methinks he and steve will cross paths again as nomad and white wolf for sure (once it’s revealed what steve’s been doing, etc). maybe in space?

the power that holds anon.... i get so excited even thinking about it.

[catalina-infanta]

Fantastic Beasts meets Star Wars

I was watching the Fantastic Beasts movies and one thing I love about those films is their use of the main character (the protagonist and Hero) being a bit different than the regular hero, and showing traits of someone with autism (he won't look other characters in the eye for long, his very specific interests of caring for animals to which he has developed specialized expertise, and his comments about how people “often don’t like him”). I, myself, love seeing heroes who aren’t your cookie cutter male alpha, punching people while making sassy remarks. I think Ben Solo/Kylo Ren kinda fits this mold too, as did Luke Skywalker. They just aren’t your usual alpha dog, they have emotions, they are real people.  

Yet, there seem to be some other trends where the writing of the Star Wars sequel trilogy and the Fantastic Beasts series are concerned. 

Black and White Thinking

One is the theme of black and white thinking as being portrayed as evil. Maybe this is even more pressing today. Of course, this is coming about out of Hollywood, as Americans are experiencing more and more the pain and dangers of bipartisanship within their government. Yet on the world stage, however (as I am not American) the insidious effects of how we consume media through computer and search engine algorithms (which gather information particular to our interests and worldviews) means we rarely leave our own information bubbles or read news with which we may disagree with. This is separating us further from others more and more, forming divides and even black and white thinking (us versus them) when we are unable to tolerate or understand other people’s opinions.

In the movies, these topics are being stressed with good versus bad, us versus them and with fascist, totalitarian thinking at play. Even visually this is being represented. For instance, the main villain of Fantastic Beasts, Grindelwald, is repeatedly wearing black and white. Conversely, however, the hero Newt Scamander is shown wearing colours, blue and yellow. And this is not the first movie to make colour an important feature in expression ideas about characters:

 This is showing Grindelwalds polarized, thinking of purebloods against those who are not is black and white (read: wrong). Indeed, in the films expresses this as flawed further when it has the main protagonist, Newt, express distaste at how American wizards cut interaction with muggles out entirely and see them as lesser beings, probably commenting on racism in America and its enduring systemic ills. 

Of course, we all know that black and white is traditionally part of the Star Wars good versus bad, but even this is changing, with Rey moving into greyer garbs from her earlier whiter clothing. 

Forbidden Attachments

Also, much like Jedi were forbidden from attachments, Muggle’s can’t be with magic folk in America (its illegal even). Much like dark force users were taught to fear the dark and stay away from light jedi. There is no middle ground, just bad and good, no learning from each other or expanding, just lines which cannot be crossed. So of course, where you have a plot like this which the writers think are constrictive or wrong, you have your main characters crossing this line (in the case of Fantastic Beasts, to show its wrong and backward, and in the case of Star Wars to show its worth expanding outward and understanding the other side, forgiving and letting those who have fallen back into the fold to repent and redeem and that even they can be good nd have souls worth loving). 

In Fantastic Beasts, one of the main love stories is one between Queenie and Joseph, a witch and a muggle. Like Rey and Kylo Ren, a lightsider and darksider union (we think..but c’mon its pretty obvious they are romantic!). So both movie trilogies have 2 protagonists who are braving this divide, but finding it casts them out, or jeopardizes their union. Rey and Kylo cannot bridge there divide (nor should they with how dark kylo is right now), and in Fantastic Beasts, (***SPOILER***) the American witch Queenie, in the end of the Crimes of Grindelwald has even joined the evil cause of Grindelwald because she (misguidedly) believes they can help her relationship with the Muggle Joseph come to be allowed. 

The Evils of Repression

So above we have two themes, black and white, polarized thinking as being shown as wrong, and main characters attempting to breach these divides between two worlds/belief structures through love. 

But there is one more similarity. In the Fantastic Beasts 1st movie, there is a dark phenomenon known as an Obscurial. According to Wiki fandom, an obscurial is a young wizard or witch who developed a dark parasitical magical force, known as an obscurus, as a result of their magic being suppressed (often through abuse or fear of showing their powers). According to Dumbledore, an Obscurial can possibly be healed by replacing their feelings of alienation with a sense of belonging. 

Repression has long been seen of as something akin to evil in western film and storytelling (often you see priests in TV and movies going through this, self-flagellating, or whipping themselves for their nasty sinful thoughts – and these characters tend to be evil, think of Paul Bettany’s character in Dan Browns Da Vinci Code, or the evil guy Frollo in Hunchback of Notre Dame). 

Something Star Wars has been dealing with since the advent of the prequel trilogy is this idea of repression leading to evil. One of Anakin’s, and I argue Ben’s, troubles was with the repression of their dark natures, or even repression of just their good emotions such as love for Padme or Shmi, causing them to become unbalanced and leading them to evil. I get it, if someone told me I couldn’t love I would grow angry too, and I am pissed with the Jedi – it seems Luke was too. 

The idea that balance is necessary in the Star Wars community is pretty self-evident though, so I wont take too much time explaining this. Ben and Anakin are emotional guys, constantly told to keep it all in, only let the light out, repress your feelings and any darkness that may be felt because that’s “bad” (Yoda’s advice to Anakin when he was fearing for Padme’s death to “rejoice for her” for becoming one with the force sucked, and we are meant to be frustrated by it, because I can't believe George Lucas would expect us to agree with Yoda and believe it was OK for Padme to die and that Anakin should just move on). Indeed, to repress and deny the good and bad inside us is damaging and something we should all avoid – this is the Jungian notion of accepting and resolving yourself with your shadow self, instead of ignoring it until it explodes, much as the Obscurials do when they cant hold it in any longer and they die at a young age. 

As a side note, I was really happy to see Credence didn’t actually die at the end of the first Fantastic Beasts film, because he was obviously an abused and unloved child looking for his parents (sound familiar? Rey?). Although sadly, I’m not sure he will survive the series of films now that he has joined Grindelwald, or that the writers care enough to give this character anything more than redemption equals death scenario and not bother to give him a happy ending or find belonging and peace. 

Conclusion and how these movies should wrap up

Anyways, I guess I just thought it interesting that both films were dealing with similar themes, probably because they are issues we are dealing with in society, but they are issues society deals with all the time in one way or another at all times but perhaps we feel they are more pressing today?

The importance of these themes to these movies, however, means they should be in some way resolved at the end of each series because they aren’t going to reinforce these notions by punishing the characters who act out of the bounds of societies black and white framework. 

With Star Wars, I think there will be a better way to look at how Jedi will go about their business in dealing with the dark side (i.e. with more understanding of what it is instead of fear and rejection), and how individual Jedi will deal with the darkness inside themselves in thier own personal journies to avoid the worst. This will hopefully include some resolution on how future Jedi will deal with attachment - rather than just repressing everything and forgetting about it. I dont think this is something that is valued today in the west, because no one wants to abandon those things about human life that make it most worth living.  

On that note, I also expect the two pairs of lovers of both Star Wars and Fantastic Beasts to be reunited, in order to visually and narratively show a change and love for the other side and repair the longtime split between the groups. Its more than just a sappy ending, it’s a metaphor for how we should think about the “Other” that we are told to fear or belittle by a society that has gone too far in its black and white thinking. So, Queenie should marry Joseph even though Muggles are thought beneath wizards, and Kylo and Rey should both come towards the centre and be together and find their belonging they so desire, thereby resolving their loneliness. (However, this is a whole other question of Kylo’s redemption, etc.). But the notion that Jedis shouldn’t marry be damned! And this is the PERFECT way to show that stupid rule was dumb and resolve the very thing Anakin struggled with in some way. And, for that matter, the notion that forgiveness shouldn’t be given to those who have erred or fallen by the wayside be damned! 

No, in the end, the lesson is that black and white thinking sucks, and love and forgiveness is what matters for those who find it in their hearts, to love, and not fear the other side is what our heroes are showing us, with a multitude of colour to express the variety of people, and emotions, that life can give us. 

[team-free-squiggle]

Why @karaidemon is Very Cute

                                 by Me (@book-of-Charlie)

Pages: 5 in word document.

Font: Times New Roman, 12 pt.

Citation Style: MLA

Word Count: 1,245

Here goes nothing! @karaidemon I am putting it under a read more cause it’s long af. Hope you enjoy! Also, I told you I would write it :p

              In this essay, I will demonstrate exactly why @karaidemon is cute AF. But first, an explanation.

              For those of you who don’t understand why I am writing this essay, hello! I will explain. No, there is too much, let me sum up (bonus points if you got that reference). So here’s what happened: I saw a post that said “if you’re reading this right now, you’re cute” (Tumblr). And, like everyone here on Hellsite.com, I tagged my friends, people I know, etc…. One of the people I tagged was @karaidemon, who shall henceforth be referred to as Jewels, since that’s her name. She responded by saying “I am not cute, I demand an essay with quotes and sources. Please use MLA format.” Well, Jewels. Challenge accepted.

              We will start off by looking at the definition of the word in question: ‘cute.’ According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, these are the possible definitions of cute:

1a: clever or shrewd often in an underhanded manner

              " … he's a true patriot and statesman … and a most particular cute lawyer."— Thomas Chandler Haliburton

              b: impertinent, smart-alecky

                            Don't get cute with me.

2: attractive or pretty especially in a childish, youthful, or delicate way

              a cute puppy; a cute smile

3: obviously straining for effect

              The movie's too cute to be taken seriously.

Now obviously, 3 doesn’t apply. This leaves us definitions 1 and 2. Most people tend to look at definition number 2, which is accurate. That will be explained later. For now, however, we will start at the very beginning (it’s a very good place to start), with definition number 1.

               Earlier today I posted a post on Tumblr, asking people to like and/or reblog if they thought Jewels is cute. She herself commented “How dare you. I have a reputation” (Tumblr). One has to admit, it’s a little bit smart-alecky. Another example is within her writing; for this essay, I shall specifically use the example of her stories with Annika Archer. Annika Archer, for those who don’t know, is a character that Jewels created to go with @asofterfan’s Sanders Sides Punk AU. This author does highly recommend that AU, by the way. The stories that Jude (@asofterfan) wrote, and the ones that Jewels wrote are both spectacular. The point, however, are in the stories that Jewels wrote: in them, there are some amazingly (yet objectively) adorable moments between Roman and Annika. And speaking from experience (and from what others have told me they felt when writing), it’s very hard to write as you are not. When it’s just you, and a laptop or tablet or phone or even a paper and pencil, the letters on the page are what’s coming from your soul. You can write all different types of characters; but at the end, they all share a piece of your soul because you’re the one that wrote them. Now, I don’t know if that’s how Jewels feels; but as a fan of her work, sometimes literally the cutest, most adorable things are just the best things ever. Again, whether that’s me or her is hard to say; but those cute moments just add up to a cute person, the way I see it.

               Now, for definition number 1. Disclaimer: I don’t know how Jewels looks. Never seen her face, nothing. Which means I’m going based off of what I know about her. She is sweet, and kind, and a brilliant writer; she has a great sense of humor (based on her stories) and is overall very caring and just wonderful. Now, no matter what you look like; all those qualities add up to something beautiful. So I really couldn’t care about what’s on the outside (not trying to say that you’re not pretty, Jewels, I just don’t know what you look like), because on the inside you are cute and beautiful and adorable and utterly you. And that’s amazing.

               Now, if you still don’t believe me: let’s look at the evidence from my various Tumblr posts/asks about this very topic.

 ~ The first post is the one where I asked people to like/reblog if they think      @karaidemon is cute. Here’s what we have, excluding a reblog/commenting  thing Jewels and I did (please note that this is so far, idk if this post will get more notes after this or not. I would expect so). (book-of-charlie)

Likes

§  @Bitchwannatryme

§  @allthemetalsoftherainbow

§  @coltondresden

§  @mysparkledblog

§  @pixieprincess14

§  @virgil-angsty-sanders

§  @moist-astronaut

§  @sockpansy

§  @mirror2thespirit

§  @goliath-dave

§  @idon-kno

§  @adoratato

§  @jamicambrera

§  @the-editor-is-bored

§  @unevencube2554

§  @imantisocialgetoverit

§  @blair-nope

§  @tkwolf45

§  @joruxxi

§  @nowedontliveinigloos

§  @trashy-killjoy

§  @nervous-nellie

§  @libellus-drakena

§  @bubblegumrowan

§  @noot-noot-cats

§  @ilikesomeshtuff

§  @gaythingsingayplaces

§  @bluecometdust

§  @decadentdeerpolice

§  @theunoriginaldaisy

§  @calvindientesblancos

§  @feerkokoro1345

§  @broadwaytheanimatedseries

§  @k9cat

§  @paradoxesmakeperfectsense

§  @1-lost-fander

§  @funsizedgremlin

§  @sepporahs-blog

§  @drawtofeel

§  @itsme98z

Reblogs

§  @bitchwannatryme

§  @allthemetalsoftherainbow

§  @rptheturk

§  @pixieprincess14

§  @justt-ppeachy

§  @asofterfan

§  @virgil-angsty-sanders

§  @moist-astronaut

§  @poisonedapples

§  @idon-kno

§  @adoratato

§  @jamiecambrera

§  @khadij-al-kubra

§  @nowedontliveinigloos

§  @wayward-virgil

§  @unknownsandersfan

§  @broadwaytheanimatedseries

§  @thisismedamit

Comments

§  @asofterfan said: “You have a reputation for bEING CUTE.”

§  @adoratato said: “Oh yes definitely”

§  @khadij-al-kubra said: “Wait, this wasn’t an obvious fact to the general famdom populace?”

§  @broadwaytheanimatedseries said: “THE EFFING CUTEST”

~ The second post is the ask I sent to Jude, to see what they thought. (asofterfan)

~~ Their reaction was: “Can I get a HELL YEAH”

~~ There were several notes on this post as well.

§  Likes

·         @mollycassmith

·         @goliath-dave

·         @the-editor-is-bored

·         @imantisocialgetoverit

·         @libellus-drakena

·         @ilikesomeshtuff

·         @decadentdeerpolice

·         @doodler200

§  Reblogs and comments were done by me and will therefore not be counted in this extremely very serious study.

~ And last, but definitely not least, Thomas Sanders himself has said that every single famder is cute af. And yes, I know this is in general, but Jewels is a famder and therefore counts in ever category.

For example, his tweets (tstwitterupdates):

§  “Hey, why are you all so sweet? You make me so excited to create and share my creations and that’s the absolute BEST gift to give any artist. Thank you for being you. <3”

§  “Hey. Just a quick reminder. I come on here all the time, and you guys are always so loving and sweet and always make me smile and feeling better. You do that. You are awesome. <3”

§  “Have I mentioned lately how much I adore you guys, gals, and non-binary pals? You’re all so patient with us, and loving, and kind, and you’re so supportive of this dude who felt like getting purple hair in order to feel more comfortable as himself. Can’t thank you all enough! <3”

There are so many more. Thomas is just… the sweetest. But then, so are all of us, as he keeps reminding us. And that definitely includes Jewels.

So, even though I know you don’t think you are…. Jewels, you are cute AF, and we love you. Keep on kicking figurative butt!

                                                 Works Cited

"Cute." Merriam-Webster's Learners Dictionary, Merriam-Webster.

              www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cute 

asofterfan. “Ask,” Tumblr. November 5, 2018.

              https://asofterfan.tumblr.com/post/179799708108/do-you-think-karaidemon-is-cute-i-need-this-for

book-of-Charlie. “Please Reblog or Like This Post If,” Tumblr. Nov. 5, 2018.

               https://book-of-charlie.tumblr.com/post/179789603984/for-those-of-you-who-dont-know-who-she-is-shes

karaidemon. “Photos,” Tumblr.

               https://karaidemon.tumblr.com/post/178556475705/photos

karaidemon. “Robot,” Tumblr.

               https://karaidemon.tumblr.com/post/177817508435/robot

tstwitterupdates. “Hey, why are you all so sweet?” Tumblr. Sept. 26, 2018.

               https://tstwitterupdates.tumblr.com/post/178499385434

tstwitterupdates. “Hey. Just a Quick Reminder.” Tumblr. Sept. 19, 2018.

               https://tstwitterupdates.tumblr.com/post/178269127019

tstwitterupdates. “Have I Mentioned Lately How Much I Adore You Guys, Gals, and Nonbinary Pals?” Tumblr. July 10, 2018.

https://tstwitterupdates.tumblr.com/post/175764942169

[critgemhero]

All evidence that proves Shiro is a sleeper agent, and also a robot

OK EVERYONE I have some incredibly hard evidence regarding Shiro and his... “escape”. 

I think that this version of Shiro really thinks he is the real Shiro, but this is far from the truth.

His escape was all part of the plan. A plan to make sure he really believes that he is the real Shiro, and will behave like him as well. Every single part of it was set up so that the Galra and trick and track Voltron. That includes those 2 rebels. They were in on it. Read more below, it’s gonna be long.

Part 1: Where he wakes up, and how he escapes.

Shiro is LITERALLY on an experimentation table. That is not a good sign. He’s not being held captive for answers, he was being experimented on for probably months. But WHY? To find a way for Zarkon to get the Black Lion? Maybe, but how would the Galra have anyway of knowing that connection, the one that Zarkon and he share. I dont think that is it, it is much more sinister and mental.

Now think about WHERE he wakes up. It's the exact same place, or very similar, to where he was first captured at the start. This was intentional. These places are giving him flashbacks to these “memories”. If the plan was failing, or not ready yet, He may not have experienced those flashbacks, and they could have (or... HAVE) tried again to make a better Shiro.

Either way, he escapes. Not only that but while injured and with ease. And you know what? Its no wonder it was easy for him... they were PROGRAMMED ROBOTS TOO!!

Did you hear the noises that they made? Beeps and boops. when shooting and when killed. Listen to how this “guy” sounds when he’s punched square in the face. I wouldnt be surprised if those robots were failed earlier attempts at Shiro

These bots were set up so that no Galra were hurt or lost, but Shiro was disoriented or not knowledgeable enough to see they were fakes barely even trying. 

He is MEANT to escape this, meant to feel like he is in control but his life in danger. I mean... why was he even left alone without any CHAINS??

Part 2: Operation Kuron

Honestly for me, this is the most obvious one. He shouldn't be happy about this at all. What is this operation? He’s not saying the operation is failing, its UNDERWAY. This is never brought up again, and we are going to get those answers in S4. 

What is Operation Kuron? Well clearly its the process of testing out the Shiro Robots. Because he literally flashes back to it

He is a Subject of multiple numbers. Now why would that be? Do Galra really experiment that often? I mean they COULD, but they said this was specifically for Kuron. And when they are testing his response.... what do you hear? Robot noises when his pupil is dilating. What else is there to say.

PART 3: The fake rebels

Ok, so I know this one may be hard to swallow, but there's a shocking amount of layers to how these 2 were written to prove this.

When they first interrogate him, Shiro comes to the conclusion that they are rebel fighters. It was, well it made sense, but how odd that it lingered for that long. We assumed they already were based on their position on the planet and species, but the show clearly points that out to us. This is to make us completely unsuspicious

Next, let's see how they reacted to “The Blade of Malmora” 

How on EARTH would they know what that is?? If they claim not to understand Voltron, they would definitely not be aware of their new affiliates that were once a top secret organization. 

So this whole capture thing is a ruse to test Shiro’s knowledge of the Lion, his paladins, EVERYTHING he knows. Shiro has to explain all of the details in order for him to try and convince them. This is all but a test to see if he remembers properly, if his memory banks make sense and are accurate.

Then there is the fake “Intercept Voltron” message. The man who made that transmission was CLEARLY the same voice as this guy. Shiro was meant to hear that and try to find a way there. 

As for Shiro’s second escape? They probably knew that was coming as well. I mean, they might not have, but even so if anything went wrong I'm sure they have the button to pull the plug on him any second.

Then I think they fight over the gun on purpose. 

Remember, this guy was skilled enough to kill that giant crab thing no problem, but NOW?? He’s acting like a buffoon. This part is planned to give Shiro the opening.

Also, I'm taking note of how ODD it is the show keeps focusing on his leg injury. At one point it even lingered on it for over 2 seconds, it was ODD. Is this to reinforce to us and him that he feels pain? That his leg is meant to be “real” flesh?

Anyway, the final test was to reassure them he is on their side, by not hurting or killing them and affirming his allegiance to Voltron. I KNEW something was weird when they just.... SUDDENLY believed him? I know he didn't shoot them, but they really didn't seem to care and wanted to “eat” him remember? It happened to fast for me, because that's what they were supposed to do. Help him on to the ship.

And then there is THIS BEAUTIFUL EXCHANGE

um yeah... WHAT? At first I took this as he’s been hit in the face with his friends gun a bunch. But... why? Over arguments? I guess that's possible, but that's not it. Shiro said HE was sorry for hitting him in the face with his gun. Other Shiro’s probably did similar things, and this guy has gotten used to it. He probably doesn't even believe he’ll be a successful Shiro, since he said it won't be the last.

Oh and ummm. also this

yeah, what? He volunteered? for what exactly?? I thought you were a rebel stuck on this planet... He is not very good at his job is he. also 5 years??? I know Shiro gets back sooner than that, so it makes you wonder how often these robot things have been going on with everyone. Either that, or this is their first day, and the contract was to do this experiment for 5 years? either way, it was a weird thing to say. 

The last we see this two is the moment I knew something was finally up. At first, I took it as a stupid mistake on the writers part, but now it means so much more. And it's this final line.

Why on EARTH would the skinny guy be shocked by this? Why would the other dude ASK this? They have been on this planet for how long? Seemingly stuck?? There is NO WAY this would make sense. You know why? Because this is the first time a Shiro actually succeeded in leaving, and this was them realizing that their job was done and that the Galra didn't give them a ship to get away themselves. 

Not to mention the skinny guy... KNOWS all this stuff about the Galra ship defenses. That's because he is reading off what he was given by the Galra, and how the plan is supposed to go down.

We’re done with these 2 idiots, now to the next part.

Part 4: Back on the ship, seeing Voltron and the 1 week in space.

When he attacks the first guy, we see it’s clearly a robot again. When they arrive, the announcer’s voice is, AGAIN, similar to the guy who said the operation was underway.

Anyway, so they abort the launch. I think this is because it was another way to make sure it was SHIRO who was after Voltron, not any other ships caught up in the mix. Keep an easy eye on their test subject you know?

Ok, so now we are at a point where... I dont really have much to say here. He sees Voltron and goes after it. Im not sure what the Garla’s plan here was honestly. I guess they are still tracking him as a robot, but how did they know he would find Voltron? My best guess is that at a certain point, they would have him set off a signal that would.. REACH the black lion somehow?? Which is odd, because Black won't respond to him as the leader anymore.

If im completely honest here... this part sets back my theory a bit. Im sure there are explanations tho. 

I can bring us back to the 2 fake rebels again tho at the very end of Episode 5, because what is the joke supposed to BE exactly?

Why are they randomly happy over noodles? They have no way of knowing what happened to Shiro... oh wait, yes they do. They know that was their last day because the mission of getting Shiro to team Voltron was a success. this was a “job well done” kind of dinner indeed

Part 5: The return. 

Where do I even BEGIN to say how OFF Episode 6 felt?? The reunion scene... it's not as happy or relieving as it should be. At first, I thought it was him dealing with trauma, but it feels... a bit different from that. His eyes don’t even look the same anymore.

And then we have the BIGGEST piece of evidence of “WTF IS GOING ON” and that is of course... SHIRO’S HAIR

LIKE WHAT IS THIS MONSTROSITY. No but in all seriousness.. why didn't he shave the sides of his head?? Ok ok jokes aside. Did you see how... horribly stilted and lifeless the delivery of his first line here is?? It's almost... robotic. That's because it is.

Then of course there is this. Not much else to add to that.

And then another big WTF Moment. The Black Lion won’t respond to him.

Im sorry, but I call HUGE BULLSHIT on that. I KNOW Black picked a new partner, but if Keith was able to quickly take over for Shiro while he was in Trouble, im POSITIVE the man who formed an SUPER strong bond with it in the Space Mall episode can at least start to fly it a few months after being gone. This is where I really knew something was wrong, for sure.

I wont lie in saying that the rest of the episode he did act like the real Shiro, but remember, he was programmed to from probably the original Shiro. It has to be DECENT at being convincing. And its working.

I don't have much else, that's pretty much it. I know this is in crazy detail but I really think we are on to something here. I was FURIOUS that they brought back Shiro so soon, and how it would ruin team development and character dynamic... but that's the point, isn't it. To think everything will go back to normal, but in reality tear the team apart for the gain of the Galra. Its both sinister in the world of the show itself, and to its audience.

We want Shiro back safe and sound, and we were fooled just like team Voltron. For all we know, Shiro is dead. The biggest proof of that? ... What was the point of making Voltron regroup itself entirely to last for only a couple episodes?

No, this new team dynamic will stay, and Shiro’s missing story is long from over. 

[pearlrebs]

I guess i wasnt very clear. Easy to seem angry over the internet unintentionally. I mean to say; rebs url (a small thing) represented something to us. Xe left and we all really miss xer. Xe mattered to us and was a special part of tjlc. 1/8

In many peoples eyes this is an aggressive act. Im sure that you can see at least a little how we would see it that way. 2/8

I wasnt implying that you are not queer or that i hate queers. i was saying that, this is the internet, im not going to always believe everything everyone tells me. 3/8

Most queers i know, try and stick together despite our differences. And the fact that you seem very angry (could be reading into it) at a group of people who are predominately queer tells me that you COULD be something other than queer. 4/8

As you yourself said this is just a tv show...but its more than that isnt it? Why you spend so much thought throwing shade at rebs or the tjlcers or whoever, tells me that theres something else going on and that it is important. 5/8

banding together with like-minded people is the solution to the political shitfest we are in. I'd like to think that we could work thru our differences to reach our common goals assuming, we have common goals. (if im wrong, please let me know) 6/8

I dont see myself as a victim, im only sad. not in a pitying way. Its hard to describe. You were probably the victim of an angry tjlcer on here or witnessed the chaos and theres really no excuse for hatefullness (im admonishing my own camp here). 7/8

debate, yes, but never being mean just to be mean. That doesnt get anyone anywhere. I hope this makes sense and im not trying to offend you. I just think life is too short to hate. And its sad that there has been much on here. 8/8

I’m actually not angry, I think it’s all kinda funny. Though I do try my best to respond seriously to serious messages. The “go fuck yourself”s will always be met with a “sounds good,” but when someone takes the time to send a message like this, I tend to pay attention. Anyways...

First you say you’re not going to always believe everything everyone tells you, then you turn around and say that the tj//lc group is predominantly queer. Who’s telling you that? Hard evidence? Demographics data? A census taken by a neutral third party to determine age range and sexuality, and what direction they believe the show should go? As I answered someone before: anecdotal evidence is inadmissible in science and court for a reason. Of course since you’re a lesbian (a factoid gleaned from your profile, but if this is inaccurate, please inform me. But I could easily say you’re not, but I don’t, because when someone tells me they’re queer, I believe them, who the hell wants to be in a [most places on the globe] hated minority? [by “hated,” I mean high risk of murder, bullying, and homelessness, and possibly being a criminal act depending on where you live]), your experience is going to be skewed towards finding other queer people. You think the group is predominantly queer people, but from the outside looking in, even as a queer person, I’ve mostly seen a bunch of straight women geeking over two middle aged white dudes possibly touching dicks, and using “representation” as a mask. I haven’t mingled with your community — I’ve got my own, who are and aren’t queer all the same.

And again, I say that with full knowledge that it is anecdotal evidence from my viewpoint and experience. I could be wrong. But that doesn’t mean you’re right either. 

Moving on. Most queer people (I don’t like the term “queers” personally, but as a queer person, you can reclaim that word however you want) you know stick together despite the differences. Okay. But if our difference is that you don’t think I deserve rights, or that my life is somehow worth less than a straight person’s (voting Dump/Pence, specifically Mike Pence, who would rather a gay person go to a conversion camp — where the risk of suicide is nearly 70% — than be gay), then that’s not a “difference.” That’s almost a hate crime (and it actually is in some countries). 

I assume you and I have similar goals — stop the carney-handed mango. I assume all but the 14% of LGBT people who did vote for that cheeto in a wig, do. Hence why I make a point of saying I don’t hate Rebs as a person (although the fact that xer Patreon is still up, and xe’s still collecting money, despite the fact xe’s publicly declared xe has no intention on ever making videos again, and even taking the existing ones down, is a little less than the perfect angel everyone is insisting that xe is). 

Tbh, maybe I tend to befriend more queer people irl, but you know what else is important? Straight allies. To me, being LGBT+ is a description of where I put my genitals/my gender identity, and I don’t exactly bond with people over that. A shared struggle, yes, and if I see a queer person being bullied, I will step in. I can support a gay man’s rights, even if that gay man is going out there campaigning for the orangutan in a suit (and some did). I’ll say he should be allowed to get married to whoever he wants, and when his Nazi buddies turn on his ass, I’ll be helping him find a visa out of here, but dear Ahura Mazda, I wouldn’t be caught dead having a beer with him. In fact, they most criticism I’ve ever gotten for being trans, is from other trans people. Yes, they should have rights, but fuck them as individuals, holy shit, don’t tell me how to transition. You can be trans (or any LGBT+) and still be a shitty person. 

But like... about 10%-15% of people are queer. 10%-15% of people couldn’t have voted for our rights and won. Meaning we have a ton of straight people on our side. And that’s what we are: we’re people. I love Steven Universe and pizza. I’ll find people that love Steven Universe and pizza that didn’t vote for literally satan. 

I’ve personally never been wronged by a hateful tj//lcer. But as you pointed out, there was a lot of hatefulness that was slung around. I watched as people attacked Mark Gatiss for not making their ship canon, or call him straight (they really care about representation, don’t they? /s), attacked other queer ships, tags, bullied some other queer shippers into self-harm, etc. 

No, that wasn’t you doing any of that, and that wasn’t anything you participated in... This blog really isn’t about you, I don’t know why you’re so sad about it. This is about everyone’s actions that I’m starting to suspect we both found deplorable. Though I guess if you were a close follower of Rebs, you hated Mary from second one, which was really uncalled for (hate her for shooting Sherlock — I don’t, but it’s a reason — but that didn’t happen until we knew her for two whole episodes, half of a third, and she was just a lovely person until that exact moment). 

The thing is, it IS just a show to me. I’m just responding to hate until I get bored with it. But tj//lc it became so much more to a bunch of people, and that’s why it got so toxic. 

Again, THE PROBLEM is tj//lcers were demanding representation from a show, and writers, who were always honest that they weren’t going to give it. At least not in the way they wanted (and when it wasn’t in the way they wanted, they had tantrums, which is why I say: it was never about “representation” for some of them.). Rebs, even if it started as just a hobby, quickly became, and fed into this mass conspiracy that ultimately did end up hurting a lot of people. Possibly including xerself. That’s why I don’t feel bad taking your symbol: it is just a show, everyone had prior warning that jxhnlock wouldn’t happen, so the conspiracy was always just going to be fanfiction, and Rebs did some shitty things. 

The way people are freaking out... they need to get over it. Or if not, okay, soak in grief forever over a fictional ship, but there’s probably better ways of dealing with all this besides sending me hate. Because honestly, what does anyone hope to accomplish by sending me hate? Me to delete? Sure, let’s say I did that. Jxhnlock isn’t going to be any more canon, and Rebs isn’t going to be any less wrong, and all of the hate xe encouraged is still going to be out there. Oh, and I’ll keep responding, which really just makes it worse. 

Had people just ignored me — never sent any messages — there would be precisely one post on this blog, which was my original announcement that I had it.

Also — what have I said that’s “hateful?” Yeah, okay, I called rebs a “twat” for being a misogynist, I thought it was delightfully ironic, having a misogynistic slur juxtaposed next to that observation (like saying, “don’t fucking swear”), but no one got the joke, so I took it down. But otherwise? Saying John Watson is Straight is just a fact. Jxhnlock never happened, and since it didn’t, the insistence that he’s bisexual has no standing. He���s always said, “I’m not gay.” I never took that to mean he was saying, “I’m not gay, but I like men, I’m bisexual/pansexual.” Jeez, no, if he was part of the community at all, I imagine he’d let it pass, rather than get angry about the assumption (like Sherlock does, who is, said by the writers, to be neither gay nor straight. In fact, I’ve often heard that if you’re a good straight ally, it means not being upset if people assume you’re gay for standing up with them — so in some interpretation, he’s actually a bit homophobic). I’ve also pointed out that xe was wrong, which xe is. My banner is of Gatiss confirm jxhnlock wasn’t happening again — this is a thing that happened. Are facts “hateful” now? 

Also... “life is too short to hate.” I mean... I think I’ve got enough life left in me to hate the sentient tire fire that uses too much fake tan cream, and the apparent resurgence of Nazis in America. Don’t you? Shouldn’t you? 

tj//cers are definitely not on that level, but I don’t hate them, is the thing. I said this before: I hate no one in particular, just what the legacy produced. 

[honeyrose-tea]

thank you for sharing all that with me. it means a lot to me that you trust me. honestly, if he was showing all the signs of being attracted to you he probably was. which just means hes kind of a floozy for moving on to someone else so easily. i do wish your mutual friends had thought to set you up with him, but its possible they didn't know you were interested, or didnt think the two of you had compatible long term goals. i wouldnt blame them too harshly, since you dont know why things happened the way they did.

the one thing i do want to tell you is: do not stop caring about yourself. you are beautiful, and so smart, and such a talented singer/song writer. you have a lot of incredible things that people definitely do notice. i notice, and i miss you when we dont talk for long periods. and i promise you i dont mean this in a disparaging way, but youre young! you have so much life left to love and to fall in love and to have others fall in love with you. 

feel free to stop wearing makeup if thats what you truly want, but dont feel as though none of it is worth it. just because you havent found love yet doesnt mean you never will. 

i do think youre good enough and deserving of love and i really hope you find a love that is strong and pure and that he will be able to show you he loves you even when you feel unloveable, but love is something that takes time and it takes a little bit of patience and luck. but I do know youll find the one for you -🌙

before I get into all my own thoughts, I just wanna say thank you. you always know the right things to say to make me feel better. I love you, friend. and I hope you're doing good too, I know I didn't ask about you in my last message but I was honestly just... feeling terribly. I do care of course and I'd love to know what's going on with you too!!!

so, as far as building my evidence for him being attracted to me, this is what I have

- all the sudden (about 3-4 weeks ago) he started mentioning he was single as often as possible

- he touched me multiple times in one night (not really sexually or anything, a quick hand on my back or my shoulder or something kinda flirty like that) after never having done it before, then stopped and has been almost... purposeful about not doing it again. like it spooked him or something

- EYE CONTACT. very very deep (he looked like he could see into my soul and it was freakyyyy) and often he was looking at me even when someone else was talking

- he has started doing audio and camera at church despite not knowing anything about tech stuff. this also happened right about the same time he started expressing interest in me, and he's almost always on the schedule the same weeks I am. if I didn't know better I'd think he did it to hang out with me. last night at our band rehearsal (which the tech people also attend) I didn't look at him because I didn't want to but I could see him staring at me from the corner of my eye and he seemed... to know something was up. that's probably also me just projecting my own thoughts onto him but I had no feelings for him until he started expressing interest in me, so I feel like at least part of this is based in fact? I don't know

- when I told him about a recent accomplishment of mine, he looked me very deep in my eyes and said "I'm so proud of you" which... is kind of something you had to be there to understand how meaningful it was but it was just so.... genuine and loving. anyway

- he always hangs around during our church group until we're the last two (aside from the couple whose house we're at) and he always parks next to me and says bye to me for a few moments while we're outside alone. he always makes sure to say when he'll see me again, like he's anticipating it and hopes I am too

- he teases and jokes with me a lot but never goes too far or gets rowdy about it like he does with the others

- despite not being a big compliment person he has on several occasions complimented me on being smart and a good singer (both of which are debatable, but I digress). I haven't really noticed him doing it with anyone else either

- we've been talking through a sermon series on marriage (which has been a whole thing lol) and every time he chimes in with some kind of insight about what a good marriage should look like, he seems to always be looking at me

- it feels like he always stands or sits either 1) slightly too close and/or 2) directly across from me so he can stare at me the whole time. I can always feel his eyes on me and it makes me so nervous

- the first time he mentioned going on a date with this girl, I *almost* thought he was testing me to see if I was jealous. as usual, he was staring right at me when he said it, like he was trying to gauge my reaction or something. maybe I'm just crazy. probably

- even after having said all this stuff about how much he liked her, he was still hyper-focused on me the whole night, and when I mentioned how none of my friends are comfortable with physical touch and it's one of the things I crave and miss a lot, he looked at me with what I can only describe as this face 🥺 and said "I'll give you hugs" (among several other flirty things he did that night)

there's a lot more that I just can't think of right now. seeing it all written out makes it seem kinda flimsy but I really could have sworn he was being a lot more than friendly toward me on many many occasions. so anyway yeah. I guess we're just good friends and I should forget it and just try and act normal around him. I can't help getting a pit in my stomach when he's around now. I never used to act weird around him even though I definitely thought he was attracted to me but now I just feel... hurt and confused. I don't even know how to act anymore

as for our mutual friends who set him up with the girl (Madison), I don't harbor any resentment toward them at all. you're right, it was probably just a situational thing where they didn't really think about me. and Madison is such a good match for him it really does make sense that they set them up. that doesn't really make me feel any better though

and I of course still care about myself, this has just been a big blow to my self-confidence, especially since he's the first person I've even thought about in a romantic way since Eli. it seems like no matter how hard I try, I can't have romantic love, which I desire so so so much. even when I'm being friendly and accomplishing a lot and keeping up with my appearance and doing everything right AND when I feel like someone is showing all the signs of being into me, stuff still goes wrong. I wasn't in love or anything, but I really liked the idea of being with him. he's kind and responsible and involved in our church and comes from a really sweet family and has a million more incredible traits that I don't want to get into right now. I just wish things weren't always getting ruined.

more than anything I'm just mad at myself. I was stupid for thinking he was into me and deep down I know I'm stupid for hoping he still is and will realize it somehow. I'm a good person and I like myself but I couldn't compare to Madison in a million years. she's gonna be good to him and I know she'll make him happy, which is at least a little bit of a comfort. I do really just want him to be happy. at the end of the day he's one of my best friends. I'll get over it and deal with it quietly and with any luck he won't know.

thank you for being so kind and taking your time to write all of this to me. you're so encouraging and far too sweet to me and I appreciate it more than I can say. talk soon, friend. I love you

[klainymphs]

ok i know that by now i should really just let go of h50 and accept that they’re gonna keep on doing what they’re doing and just try and avoid thinking about it and getting hurt by it, but

every time a new blatant mcdanno scene pops up (which is once in a couple of episodes) im hit with how little they care about the queerbaiting they’re using and how hurtful it is? because i know that it has been there since day one but that was 6 years ago and things are different now and i think u can expect a tv show nowadays to at least not be so obvious and unapologitic about using such cheap offensive tactics to draw in fans. its 2017 and the shit that was new and funny back in season one doesnt apply now and they gotta like acknowledge it and act accordingy? which they dont? they do pretty much the opposite i mean they keep it up almost systematically like they got some sort of queerbaiting formula to keep the fans interested: throw in one (1) scene where steve and danny do something thats traditionally done by couples on screen. include at least two (2) references to them being married, making sure at least one of them is delivered in a somewhat serious manner. focus on a member of the five oh team’s reaction to steve and danny’s couple like behaviour to establish this is all part of the well known and well loved routine we’ve been going through for six years to remind the audience they should enjoy what they’re watching, and not feel outraged and offended for being mocked yet again by a tv show that owes its queer audience a lot for being able to get to season six. 

im honestly so tired of this but not to the point where ill quit posting about this because i still cant understand how they’re ok with pulling this shit again and again. does nobody care that it is hurtful? does nobody see how insulting it is especially when there’s no actual queer representation on this show (iirc)? are they aware of how much better their characters and storyline could be if they considered maybe actually exploring the possibility of either steve or danny being canonically queer, not to mention having feelings for each other and engaging in a relationship together? h50 is currently the least original show ive seen. there are very few refreshing things on this show and while i know it always has been a cop procedural who’s only special feature is the unique setting, for me steve and danny’s relationship had the potential to take this show to a different level altogether and truly break some old and tiresome boundries and become somehting amazing. and what’s breaking my heart is that they still could, because they kept that potential there for all these years, and if u read the show a certain way u paint a very beautiful picture where these two men have never really been in a platonic relationship with each other and it doesnt take almost any stretching to point out all the evidence of steve being currently in love with danny and both of them being repressed and. i could go on but the point is, the point fuckign is that instead of all of that we get this aggressively heterosexual show about mediocare crimes and boring personal dramas with mcdanno serving as a comic relief for when the plot gets too suffocating or u need to remind the audience that the dynamic is still there, but oh no make no mistake it is only some friendly banter, no sir it is a bromace u see, there is no way these two manly characters could ever truly have anything remotely romantic or sexual in their relationship, and all of those little moments we’ve had sprinkled into scenes throughout the show? they’re just jokes man dont take them seriously. well guess what h50 writers? u forgot to add ‘no homo’ and now ur stuck with a missed chance to create somehting inspiring and an entire portion of ur audience left heartbroken and hurt because of a marketing tactic that got old before u even aired the pilot

[viralhottopics]

How to make the perfect lemon curd

Bring a golden glow to January with a Victorian classic, and, no matter if youre looking to be eased into the day or hit with a full-on acid trip, theres a variation for you

A ray of sunshine in one of the darkest months of the year, lighter and zingier than marmalade (and considerably quicker to make), lemon curd is guaranteed to brighten up any breakfast or tea, as well as making a great filling for cakes. (Youre back on the cakes, right?) Formerly often known as fruit cheese (curiously, this name survives only in the sugary, dairy-free damson and quince varieties served with actual cheese), according to Laura Mason and Catherine Browns meticulous work The Taste of Britain, it probably started life as what the 18th-century cookbook writer Elizabeth Raffald refers to as a transparent pudding. The thought that this mixture might be bottled and stored for later use, or even for sale, was of a piece with the industrialisation of food production in the late Victorian period. What did the Victorians ever do for us, eh?

Thomas Kellers lemon curd. Photograph: Felicity Cloake for the Guardian

Eggs

One thing all fruit curds have in common, apart from fruit, is eggs. What form those eggs take, however, is a matter of contention. One recipe I see recommended again and again online is from Americas Fine Cooking magazine. The author, Elinor Klivans, writes that she prefers the lighter, almost custardy results I get from using whole eggs but, because the eggs whites cook at a lower temperature, theyre more prone to coagulation. These cooked bits dont ruin the flavor of the curd, but a smooth texture will require careful straining, and quite a bit of the mixture can get lost in the process. Mary Berry and Stella Parks of the Brave Tart blog both use only egg yolks, which makes for a very rich, slightly gelatinous consistency, whereas Thomas Kellers Bouchon Bakery Book and Thane Princes Ham Pickles & Jam both stick the whole lot in, which does indeed produce a lighter, creamier result. Testers, however, express a preference for recipes like the one in Catherine Phipps new book, Citrus, and Kylee Newtons The Modern Preserver that employ a mixture of whole eggs and yolks, offering the ideal combination of lightness and richness.

Sugar

Sadly, for those of us trying to cut down our sugar consumption, there is no curd without sugar, though it does contain far less of the stuff than most sweet preserves. Keller calls for granulated, and this works fine, though caster dissolves more quickly. But, if youre after that sunshine-yellow colour, avoid the mistake I made golden caster sugar will give you a murky-golden result, so white is preferable here.

Stella Parks lemon curd. Photograph: Felicity Cloake for the Guardian

The lemon

During testing, the overwhelming preference is for the sharper curds of Newton and Parks: lemon curd, one guinea pig tells me, should wake you up in the morning. If you prefer to be eased more gently into the day, however, then feel free to reduce the amount in my recipe.

Not all the recipes I try include the zest, and some recipes recommend sieving it out before bottling the curd (a tedious process given how thick the curd is at that point I only bother if I think some of the egg may have cooked). We think the odd fleck of zest adds textural interest, however, and miss its bitter perfume in the recipes which leave it out altogether to make the most of this, copy Dorie Greenspan and rub the zest into the sugar until it releases its aromatic oils.

The dairy

Most curd recipes depend on butter for their characteristic richness of flavour. Parks, however, prefers doing it the 19th-century way, using nothing but lemon juice, egg yolks and sugar (though this must be the 19th-century American way, because most Victorian recipes I find are pretty heavy on the butter). It certainly gives her curd an almost shockingly keen acidity and a slightly jellied, rather than creamy, texture that divides testers; I love the flavour, but its not a classic curd as we know it. Worth a try, however, particularly if you prefer to avoid dairy.

Prince, interestingly, swaps the butter for double cream, which she says makes the result a little lighter. It is indeed very light, though, as cream is sweeter than butter, it blunts the sharpness of the lemon; perfect for sandwiching cakes together with but a bit mild for those chasing an acid trip.

Butter, we conclude, is an essential element of the flavour and texture of the more traditional lemon curd, yet recipes differ on the best time to add it. Newton starts with melted butter, Klivans beats it together with the sugar then adds the eggs, almost as if shes making a cake, and both Keller and Greenspan beat it in at the end, once the mixture has slightly cooled. Greenspan (who credits the great patissier Pierre Herme for her recipe) writes that, by adding the butter to the mixture at a lower temperature, instead of melting as it does in curd, the butter emulsifies (just as oil does in mayonnaise), so that the resulting texture is velvety and deceptively light. It is a stroke of culinary magic.

Its true that it is hard to avoid a certain subtle graininess in the simpler curd recipes which heat all the ingredients together possibly because of the fact that, according to a poster on the food site egullet, the lactose matrix is broken when heated too high (any thoughts of this from more scientifically minded readers very welcome). Certainly, Greenspans lemon cream is the smoothest of all, which is more than enough evidence for me.

LM Ansteys lemon curd. Photograph: Felicity Cloake for the Guardian

The details

I try a very old recipe from one Miss LM Anstey, included in Florence Whites 1932 collection Good Things in England. She writes that, though it was passed down to her by her mother, who was born in 1819, it is possibly much older than my mothers dates and may have come from my grandmother. Quite different from modern versions, it beats sugar, ground rice, grated zest and lemon juice and eggs into creamed butter, and then pots it, no cooking required, though I wish Id used my common sense and added the eggs more gradually, as this may have stopped it curdling. Anstey recommends it as a filling for a lemon cheesecake (traditionally British cheesecakes contained no actual cheese), and perhaps it would be better for this than as a spread, because it reminds us of a slightly powdery brandy butter, but without the booze.

Prince makes her curd in a shallow frying pan, which I find rather nerve-wracking (overheat the mixture and youll end up with scrambled eggs), though I dont think its necessary to mollycoddle it with a bain marie as Greenspan suggests a medium heavy-based saucepan and a low heat does the trick. Nigel Slater sensible advises that, while most lemon curd recipes instruct you to stir the mixture with a wooden spoon I find that stirring lightly with a whisk introduces just a little more lightness into the curd, making it slightly less solid and more wobbly. Its also easier to get into the edge of the pan.

Keller adds gelatine to his mixture, which may well be helpful in a patisserie context (he uses it to fill macarons, amongst other things) but serves no purpose if youre using it to spread on toast. It also, of course, means that the curd isnt vegetarian and this is something everyone deserves to enjoy (on which note, has anyone come up with a vegan version?)

Perfect lemon curd

(Makes 400ml) 5 unwaxed lemons 225g white sugar 6 eggs (3 whole eggs and 3 yolks) Pinch of salt 100g butter, cubed

Zest three of the lemons into a bowl with the sugar and rub together with your fingertips to release the oils, then squeeze enough of them to give 225ml juice.

Whisk the eggs into the sugar followed by the lemon juice, a little at a time, until fully incorporated.

Put in a heavy-based pan over a low heat and stir continuously with a rubber whisk or wooden spoon until as thick as Birds custard which should take about 7-8 minutes. Whisk in the salt and pour into a food processor or blender if you have one. Cool for five minutes.

Start the motor and blend on a low speed for 30 seconds (alternatively, beat with a wooden spoon), then start dropping in the butter, a little at a time, still with the motor on, until smooth. Transfer to sterilised jars.

Are you a lemon curd fan, and, if so, what do you like to do with it apart from slathering it on toast? (Or eating it straight from the jar?) Which other fruit curds would you recommend and does anyone have a vegan version?

Read more: http://ift.tt/2iS7Egr

from How to make the perfect lemon curd