#the writer's block on this one is INSANE
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ooh, bridgerton au for wip wednesday?
wip wednesday game
“Well,” she began, “lovely though this encounter has been—”
“Right,” Harrington said, jerking upward like a puppet who got his strings yanked. “We should—Apologies again for—” He gestured vaguely at the fallen screen. He was gesturing with the candelabra, which did rather drive home the point.
#finx writes#finx has friends on the internet#stranger things#I put this on the list bc writing this scene is like pulling teeth#the writer's block on this one is INSANE#I just have no idea what happens next! at any given line!#turns out that problem does not go away just bc I'm doing a fun little writing meme#so yes I did stare at this one for a terrifically long time in deep frustration#before wrestling these sentences onto the page#but! I do have more sentences than I did before! so thanks essbie I appreciate it
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American Royalty. Ch. 4
A Homelander X F! Reader and Dadlander fanfic.
A/N: if ya like to be taglisted plz leave a comment to be notified on the next release. got the writers block and too many wips so here is an early chapter. hope y'all like it. plz check my pin post for prev. chapters.
Tags: mild gore, angst, lots of angst, slow burn, fluff, oc characther, child neglect, dadlander, romance.
Chapter Four
Seeing Stars
You had him agree to you working three days as his personal chef, and he couldn’t have you Sundays no matter how much he asked.
Within the week you had gotten a letter from your bank telling you that the pending investigation on your account had been closed and now you could access it, it had even accrue significant interest after being untouched for seven years it was better than an early christmas miracle as you sobbed in your bedroom with the letter in hand, you cried in the kitchen after calling a realtor to see an apartment, by the time you seen a couple of apartments you had come home to find an enveloped taped to your door. Inside paperwork and some keys– seeing red for a moment, but as Helena tugged at your shirt, your anger tucked itself away, you held her crying into her shoulder as you finished reading the letter.
Before the month ended, you had moved into a large, renovated and well located 2 bedroom, 1 office, 2 bathrooms apartment in the ground floor of a duplex, it had to be at least eighteen to twenty thousand dollars in rent but he had simply purchase it– writing in his letter that he wouldn’t allow you to continue raising his daughter in the projects or some refurbished new york closet, he had even collected information on local schools in your new neighborhood for you consider, informing you that he would take care of tuition cost.
As you settled in a space so big you had nothing to fill it with, as you watched your daughter actually behave like a seven year old for once, you laid on the floor by the open concept kitchen, feeling the rich wood underneath your skin, staring at the black granite benches and hardwood cabinetry– the floor was even heated! You heard a landing in one of the two thin yards, you knew your daughter was exploring the bathroom, so it felt safe to do this now.
“I’ll have my interior designer come by this week to help you select furniture and stuff.” He said upon entering, distubed by how barren it was, all your belonings in a a dozen boxes total, tucked in a corner of the living room.
“You are a bastard making me indebted to you.” You grumbled.
“I can’t have her live in a broom closet infested with rats. Kids need yards and space.” He looked at the cherry wood panels lining the outdoors, the vines and trees growing in a decent sized yard, extra big by New York standards– you could get her a puppy, a kitten or…?”
“She likes fish.”
“I could have a pond installed.” he said with a smirk crainign his back as he tried to look less imposing as you refused to lift your head from the heated hardwoods– you should be okay with utility bills, I left them on credit for your convenience. Have you had a chance to look at schools?”
“What are you actually planning, John.” You sat back up, switching names had taken him off-guard wondering what angle you were going at him from– haven’t even started work with you and now you are showering me with presents? This is beyond just wanting to see your kid is not like you actually seen her.”
“You said to take things slow.” He didn’t try hiding that devious grin– Ryan… needs a story.”
“Jesus Christ you are sick.” you now had to stand up for real– you want me to play mom to your kid? I don’t even look like him.”
“Genetics are weird. Helena looks like you and Ryan looks like me, like those dogs from ‘Beauty and the Tramp’."He touched your cheek with a bare hand– Can’t wait to see you next Thursday, mom.”
“Oh god…” You chuckle, losing your mind as his hand hurts without a scratch– How are you going to tell this to Helena?”
“Is in early development but the team will take care of it. I need Ryan to attend the same school as Helena so please hurry up.”
He left not before telling you to take Helena to MOMA this saturday at 2 pm, it wasn’t a suggestion or invitation, it was an order
You did as you were told that evening, one of the best schools in the city was under a half hour walk from this cell, knowing Helena had to be enrolled soon didn’t help, and your commute to Lucci had increased but now you could pay for gas and not cry. Sending him a texts about schools to the number he had given you in his many many notes seemed anticlimactic but that was it.
Helana had grown suspicious, but she played dumb and you knew it too, so you both played stupid when you headed to MOMA that weekend.
You just casually came the same day and the same time as Homelander and Ryan were about to have the whole museum closed off as they received a private tour, but he asked you to join them not giving any real explanation for why but nobody questioned, neither kid spoke to each other much if any, Helena simply enjoying the silence, she looked at you as she asked about the pieces but it was Homelander who had the most to say about the works, leaving you left out but happy, you knew that face of his so well, to see it on your daughter’s face made your day.
He had taken the opportunity to discuss your employment not your relationship, giving you list of things Ryan should eat, would not eat, wanted to try and things he wanted to try himself, then your hours and some odd request about handling Ryan’s school lunches being instagram worthy, handing you socials to research for such task.
You started work that following week, the Vought kitchens were top of the line, your job was to meet all of his requirements, some of the chefs that recognized you looked at you with relief and curiosity, wanting to know what had happened to you but you were unwilling to share. That first breakfast was returned with clean plates, even the waiter was shocked when he saw empty plates come out of his penthouse.
It had been so long since you could play with such new equipment, this was it, this was the place you belong in, him or not involved this was your happy place now.
Two weeks had passed.
As you headed for the staff elevator you met Homelander, who had honestly just been waiting for you.
“I got the paperwork sorted… you just have to sign and fill stuff. Nice school! Great stem program not that Helena will find it hard.” he said politely, his posture extra stiff.
“Did you do a background check on her?” you looked around for witnesses.
“Hard not to. Our kid is the captain of the math club… her school team has won most of the math competitions in the last four years. Not to mention the piano recitals, and science competitions” He looked so proud– her grades are perfect. She might be the smartest little girl in the city.”
“She’s the smartest little girl in the world.”
“And her new school would let the whole world know just that.” He said matching your smug.
You watched him carefully waiting for him to spit out what he wanted to say, either about her schooling or something else.
Helena was allowed to continue attending her old school until you were ready for transfer, he had only briefly talked to you for school discussions, and with great disinterest on what made each school good or not, if anything you found yourself doing this for his son as well, thinking of what this school would do for his well being, and if it was the best choice for a homeschooled kid, and how would this new school commute affect Helena’s after school routine.
On the days you didn’t work in Vought’s towers she was still babysat or stayed at Lucci’s, she was too young to be left at home, even if you knew she was perfectly safe, but no matter what she was still little.
During the days you worked in the tower she was kept in the company daycare in the 20th floor, most of the kids there were normal but there was at least one other super-abled child her age, it made you happy to see her interact with a similar kid even if said kid abilities involved phasing thru objects all willy-nilly and make objects phase thru other objects, making you worry of what would happen if he lost focus and Helena got caught inside a wall.
“By the way our kid escaped the daycare.” He held the elevator open for you as he entered, before you could panic he shot you a charming smile– is okay she’s at the gym…”
Your eyes had welled up regardless, you jumped into the metal box pressing the bottom frantically.
“She’s perfectly safe… A-Train is there and so it's that… Noir… her and the only little Supe kid decided to do some mischief, but I kept my ears on her all day.”
Forcing yourself to take deep breaths as the elevator smoothly traveled to the lower floors.
“Is it not her that I am worried for.” you said firmly.
You followed him as he guided you through an unfamiliar floor, inside the large colosseum gym that had been fitted to test somebody’s athletic skills you found your daughter floating in her wavy bubble, but all you saw was your kid swaying in the air.
“Helena get down here immediately!!!” You ran after her reaching for the kid as her bored expression was replaced with embarrassment as she descended into your arms– you cannot run away from daycare!”
“I don’t want to be surrounded by babies.”
“Helena you are a baby!” you squeezed her against yourself, just glad she was still in one piece, you noticed the other small kid in the room– jesus…”
Carrying your kid you reached for the other one, taking his hand.
“Hey sweetie… let me take you back to daycare before your mommy or daddy gets worried.
“Am I in trouble?” he asked meekly.
“No, but Helena is so grounded.”
“Mom!”
“Don’t mom me! You have any idea how dangerous that was!”
“Oh don’t get mad at the kid, she was just acting like a kid. Don’t be such a buzzkill” he mocked you.
“I don’t want or need your opinion– now you got two seconds to explain yourself!”
You began to gently drag yourself and your kid’s victim out of the gym, A-Train absolutely shocked to see anybody talk to Homelander like that.
“Look I had A-Train and Noir come check them out, they were safe!” He chased after you.
“Oh that was your doing.” Helena said– "I really wanted to meet A-Train” she waved innocently at the Supe, who returned the gesture as a true professional– and... Mom… I wanted to see the building, that’s all… sorry I used Elmo to escape… but his powers were just too useful”
“You cannot use people like that.” you said in shock.
“People like being used.” Her words were just cold as she wriggled herself out of your arms, falling without touching the ground, she took Elmo’s hand taking the small kid towards the exit– some people are born serfs.” She mumbled to herself.
Homelander's heart beat violently– oh his daughter was a brat and had a questionable attitude, he hadn’t even interacted much with her, but he was proud. His whole body went light and his smile couldn’t be contained as he saw the small girl with true love in his eyes, this was the moment he saw her as truly his own.
Ryan was still reluctant to accept his father’s philosophy, but this little one understood that she was born better from the start on her own.
She turned around to face you again, little Elmo sucked on his thumb as her eyes glowed pale blue.
“Is it alright if I come to the training gym if I ask permission first?”
“I…”
“Of course all Supe’s should know to keep their powers top notch. You are more than welcome to use the facilities.” Homelander had cut you off, petting the little girl’s head as he approached the duo– Just ask your mother so she doesn’t have a heart attack. Then again this is one of the safest places in all of New York and little Helena over here is perfectly safe, after all I am here.” He said while staring at you.
His voice was sweet, you were defeated as Helena tried to contain that cheshire grin of hers while staring at you– he was your boss , and the Homelander so could you really go against him so publicly?
“You had a terrorist attack in this building… but I guess…” She ignored him again then looked straight at you– I learned something new today.”
A-Train and Noir exchanged concerned looks taking a few step backs, Homelander seemed intrigued to watch your reaction, you gave way, unable to speak, just frustrated as your ex looked just as smug as his kid.
Little Elmo scoot behind her– in the round gymnasium a cement boulder hanged in chains, her eyes glowed the brightest you’ve ever seen, lifting her hand with one quick swipe the boulder broke in half, the dust showing the invisible blade bending light, it gain a blue color as it was touched before fading, she looked so proud of herself, you stared at Homelander and now you understood why nobody had informed you that your daughter was missing. It didn’t sit well with you.
“you’re still grounded for a whole week.”
“But Mom!!”
You had walked into a trap, one you did so willingly, jailed in a nice house, any hope of Homelander being driven away or losing interest in her was gone as he looked at her with pure adoration in his eyes.
You got used to it… this prison was lovely, it was nice to come back to a spacious cell. Homelander had indeed brought his decorator to your house but you didn’t want designer furniture and high end stuff, you kept it simple and cheap, most of your stuff second hand and from Ikea, only relenting to agree with the poor designer over the kitchen, his budget was absurd for the task, only taking advantage to purchase all the appliances of your dreams, you indeed needed a air fryer that matched your splashback.
Helena was happy to have a room that felt like a bedroom, large bookcases that could be filled with her own books, a small courtyard facing her doors, where she now could sit down and read with the breeze in her hair. She seemed happy, euphoric when she began her new school, making you forget what was happening in the background at times.
Homelander would come from time to time to speak to you about mundane stuff and work, his patience saintly as he allowed you to get used to his company once more, just so you could be okay with him entering her life, but then again he was your jailer.
He himself had begun forcing himself into her life when you weren’t around, it was all a matter of timing and perception.
Homelander watched the daycare center, from afar, a much needed service, it occupied a whole floor, the tower employed thousands of people in its 99th floor so there had to be help for those mothers and fathers who needed to work but had children with no babysitters, it was one of the many appealing things about being employed by Vought, and the center offered a variety of activities for all age groups.
Helena saw it as a jungle, all these children just a bunch of savages, keeping Elmo around not because she liked his company but because he was the only other Supe child in her age group, he was a sweet kid, afraid of bugs and that liked to talk about cartoons, frankly it was a challenge to figure out what to do with him. Homelander watched as she taught the kid to play chess, taking hours to explain the basics as the seven year old had very little clue what was happening, but in its own way it was nice to talk to another kid like himself.
Homelander even bothered to do a background check on the child– both of his dad’s both worked at Vought one in hero management and the other in marketing, both very busy bees it seems… he had done the same with all of Ryan’s new classmates, he knew their entire families before his kid even stepped foot and said hello to any of them, all done before he started school the same week as Helena– there was the big issue of her being on the 10th grade while her older brother just began the 6th grade, so he couldn’t enjoy seeing the both of them interacting, it was hard to witness for he wanted both kids to become closer so desperately.
Hence why he was standing on the foyer of the daycare center, a young lady that looked too cheerful for her own good, welcomed Homelander.
“Hi! How can I help you today, Homelander? Are you looking to enroll little Ryan?” She swayed side to side trying to see if the kid was behind him by any chance.
“Actually… am here to speak to one of the kids… hmm… Helena L/N.” He said with a firm tone– I believe her mother left a message.”
Homelander texted you an hour before cominf down, not even asking you that he was going to take her for training, you were stuck in the kitchen helping with some work function taking place tonite, a thousand canapes had to be made and you were stuck with the pistachio and lemon layer cakes.
You had no time to argue, taking your precious break time to make phone calls and try not to use your knife on the nearest asshole who pissed you off afterwards.
She hopped on the desk seeking for any notes, and he was indeed correct.
Now he had her all for himself, you prayed he wasn’t going to drop the news on her, but you couldn’t leave and abandoned your team, she was safe, you had to believe she was safe, she was smart, she was so smart and she could escape him, you just had to trust her.
“Can I bring Elmo?” Helena looked up at Homelander, a slight ache building on her neck as she looked up at the man– he might get lonely.”
“He’s not a dog.” He didn’t even try putting on a soft babied voice with her– and I wanted to talk to you.”
“But he’s always ‘The Dog’ when we play house.” She faked the most innocent voice she could muster, turning around to look at the glass doors dividing the friends– … He will probably sneak out to the gym if he gets lonely, they got his favorite snacks today… he told me liked five times and I think they’re playing Bluey on the tv.”
“Oh! and you play mommy?” He grimaces so hard his eyebrows touch.
“No, the robber.”
He led the way and she was more than happy to explore the building as they headed downstairs.
“What do you think of them?”
“Elaborate.”
“Those without powers.” she wished she could see his expression– and be honest. None of this ‘Wednesday Addams’ crap.”
He looked around at the sea of smart casual fits and stress on the floors above, the world moving so fast paced, nothing but monkeys hurling shiny rocks while playing dress-up.
“They can be useful, if they are not… then they don’t matter to me.”
He smiled, his heart fluttering and his stomach filled with butterflies as he heard her speak– why did Ryan struggle so much to understand this? He thought.
“When you are born with such gifts–
“I might be a kid but I am very familiar with your Compound V, I already had this talk with my mother. Fascinating stuff… I am still trying to understand the whole dosage thing… How does your company decide which kid to give more versus others? Did they just look at who could provide the best backstory before deciding between 10 mils versus the whole vial.”
She stared at the glass walls where the kids were housed, the tone of her voice still flat.
“Why you say that?”
“I’m a poor kid from the projects, with a single mom, formerly homeless and now with enough powers to make Athena envious. Not to mention how 92% of supes are white but the percentage below middle class to poor is almost the same as with the 6% blacks, while the percentage of upper class white supes is closer to the same percentage of 2% asians and latino supes… if anything a good chunk of latino and asian supes are upper class… something-something model minority yadah-yadah.” she pressed the elevator door– I’d make a good story. Shame that I can’t be a Supe.”
Homelander stared at her, placing his hand on the back of her head.
“You can be anything you want, Helena. You have been blessed beyond belief with powers… if you want to be Supe then you are ready for major leagues.”
She rolls her eyes.
“Only the 1% of superheroes ever make it to the major leagues, most supes never achieve anything beside D-list status and everybody is fighting for the crumbs left behind by your posse of clowns– is not a fiscally responsible decision. A career that can only exist on extreme gambling is not one that can make money. Not to mention am not cute or tall." She took the first step into the elevator– I never want my mother to worry about money. I want to buy her a mansion on top of a cliff staring at the ocean, have a dozen maids care for the house and she can just spend the rest of her life in luxury”
She turns to see him crossing her arms with a serious look on her tiny face.
“My goal is to take your job.”
“The Seven?” He grinned.
“Vought.”
“I can wait to see you try.” he grinned.
“It won’t be that hard… At least when I am in charge security will be tighter.”
Bottles of V dropped from above Homelander’s head, he caught most of them but a few were lost, those were hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of drops staining his pants and shoes, Helena caught one bottle, sliding it between nimble fingers back and forth.
“Don’t look so surprised, it seems this is a common occurence… Here's an unwanted tip: use biometrics and only allow lab techs to enter the 67th floor, not just rely on good will, clown.” sections of her body and clothes flicked back and forth between visible and invisible, taunting him about how easy it had been to steal them using her superpowers.
As his eyes took an extra tinge of red, he saw a brief flash of pale blue encasing her, he followed her to the entrance of the Gym, where she expected to be left alone with Homelander not to find another kid.
“The prodigal son.” she mumbles.
Ryan sat on top of some raised stepping stones in the recently established obstacle course, Helena imagined she needed to know parkour in lieu of flying abilities, which seemed redundant for the kid who could fly.
“Thought you two could practice together.” He shouted while placing the V on the nearest bench.
“Guess there are ways to successfully murder a child and get away with it.” She raised an eyebrow– and here I thought you wouldn’t be irked by the words of a little girl… like I said you’re a maladjusted person.”
“I don’t hurt children. I have no idea…” he said calmly while a little bit angry, as he returned to her side.
“I dunno– it would look really bad if the press found out that you’re a deadbeat.”
His expression dropped as the little girl's eyes glowed.
“Smartest little girl in the world… or...?” She said dryly, as she headed towards Ryan to save him the walk– my bubble refracts light, easy to spot if you notice images are wavering without the heat.”
The little boy ran cheerfully after his father, who for the first time ignored him, his eyes transfixed on the little girl, who had been playing stupid all along.
taglist-- @fromforeigntofamiliarity , @demodemo909 and @immyowndefender
here's the house:
#homelander#homelander x reader#homelander x you#homelander x f!reader#the boys oc#homelander fanfiction#personal#my fic tag#my writers block is criminal but thx god i had this chapter and 2 more ready#new york city rentals are fucking insane y'all paying too much-- had to look at them for reference for this fic so am more than glad to pos#a link to the 18K a month house that homelander bought for you dear reader#btw am living in australia so i might not know how yall pay utilities over there#took inspo from the diabolical first ep where they ahd an adoption centre as one of the floors of the tower to make the daycare#american royalty
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i’m not a very serious person in all actuality and i’m tired of the narrative that every dddne author needs to sit and explain their trauma related kinks and their viewpoint on dark fiction and its place within media like LOL i’m not doing that cause i don’t actually owe anyone anything 😁.
#i’m not a spectacle nor will i ever agree w the idea that one must experience bad things to write ab bad things#also if u are suffocating under two writers is it cause u don’t know of the block button or what ???#also kinda funny how anyyyyyy time rape is mentioned ppl in the obx fandom go insane#it’s not even the incest u guys just don’t like it when i say rape#rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape#there u go !
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GODDDDS JUST SAW A POST THAT MADE ME SO ANGRY GODDAMN IT
#blocking people cause they have incorrect opinions#i can get not wanting the master back but saying that they need to work out their issues??#saying theres a need to end their story???#saying that the master should have died when missy died???#this is insane behaviour#not only the master is a reoccurring character and killing them off would be the worst decision ever#also cause they're one of the oldest characters in the show!#but also doing so would be disappointing for most of the die hard audience + for the future writers that love the character#newsflash! if a series is long and it needs conflict the issues of a character might be never resolved#also where's the “the master always pops back” narrative in this? it would ruin an already very important established point the show made#about the character#fuck off#master death means death of the show#its like saying the dalek and the cybermen should die for good#not only its basically impossible cause they're the main villains but also no writer would actually do that#cause guess what: they love doctor who#killing off main characters is not the solution you know#man I'm so mad#i should just say oh alright other people have other opinions but i just cant stand it#god really fuck off im so mad at this#also this was said by a literal thoschei stan i think#are you okay buddy did you hit your head#doctor who#the master
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I think that my brain needs to be studied because it’s baffling to me how whenever I start a project, after writing one or two wips I immediately get a writer’s block and then I jump on the next fixation, and as a consequence the next fanfiction, ending up with millions of wips and not even ONE full fanfiction that I could possibly publish.
#ao3 writer#tumblr is insane#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity#writeblr#writing#writers block#i hate writing#i hate this#the writing process#the writer rambles#female writers#writer things#writers and poets#writers stuff#i can’t write for god’s sake#i wish i were normal#maybe it’s just adhd#or maybe i am the problem#i wish i could#be normal#for just a day#can i just finish ONE#AT LEAST ONE#of my wips#it is all i am asking for#not a lot i am asking
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#this could go one of two ways#it might be the exact conditions necessary to pull me out of writer's block#oooor it might just drive me insane#tune in in 27hrs to find out ☺️
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do not leave numbered ratings in the notes of your public bookmarks on ao3. this is not fucking goodreads 😭
#unless youre putting 10/10 i dont wanna see it#not to sound like a bitter person (i am one) but the amount of entitlement and just sheer… rudeness ive seen from ao3 readers lately#is insane.#i was already having writers block and this is just making it worse i fear#anyways#just dont do that shit and please thing before you comment#carolcore
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stray kids scenarios; 2/8. leeknow.
pairing : fwb!minho x gn!reader
synopsis: you and minho were next door neighbors. you'd spoken once or twice, which led to a friendship, and you'd started catching feelings. fast. so, that friendship turned into a friendship with benefits, and minho was more than happy to show you just how beneficial he really was.
warning : friends to friends with benefits, college au
word count : 1.1k in total, 0.3k in this part (got carried away..)
a/n : posting part 2 right away cause im exhausted but that cliffhanger was poorly positioned so sleep can wait till yall know what happens with minho :))
so you waste no time leaning in and kissing him, partially for your desire and partially to shut him up.
it's a clash of teeth and spit, with more biting and battling for dominance than it is genuine kissing but you don't mind, not when it's minho.
you break the kiss when you feel your breath speeding up more than it needs to, and you're the first to speak. "i need you minho, badly. and im hoping that kiss was proof enough."
but it wasn't. minho's hands snake around your waist and he's smiling at you with the most conniving look. "i'm a visual learner, and that was definitely proof.. but not proof enough. so, if you'd let me take you inside and get my proof, that'd be great."
you know what he's implying, and you're quick to shovel through your tote bag for your keys. and with that, you're both in your apartment, and soon enough, he's in you.
the sex was amazing, he's so passionate and gentle yet so greedy for you. he's quick to clean you both up, and help you change your sheets and put away your long forgotten groceries.
and then, your 'best friend' is suddenly the man you can confide in about a breakup, then get fucked senseless by to forget all about said breakup. and he is amazing. you know what days he works, and you make a point to tease him as much as you can while he's working.
"min, need youuuu", "soooo bad", "wish you were with me", "want you bad, come here straight after work pleaseeee". you can't help bombarding him with messages, not when he fucks you dumb while his eyes are glossed over with nothing but admiration for you.
and it feels like an eternity, but is really only 4 hours, before minho is through your door and kissing you roughly with your pants long discarded and other clothing articles joining that club through hushed kiss breaks. minho knows you need him, and lord knows he's needed you too, so he's ready to take care of you. "come on jagi," he knows that nickname gets you either flustered or soaking wet for him, "im gonna make sure you feel good, yeah?" with that, you're practically running to your room, ready to be fucked stupid and cuddled sweetly right after.
#writers block was real w this one the suddenly i got cured and couldn't stop writing..#i love leeknow#this was insane#ihugzminseo#stray kids headcanons#leeknow headcanons#leeknow scenarios#skz hard hours#dom!idol#stray kids x reader#stray kids drabbles#leeknow imagines
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Man, some fanfiction feels like you're writing with a broad brush, splashing paint all over the canvas, not too worried about what gets where as long as it's bright and fun and vibrant and pulls you in
And then there some fanfiction that feels like fucking surgery. Why is my heartrate picking up as I very carefully transfer one paragraph to another part of the page, going so delicately because I'm worried I'll break the thread of my thoughts and the entire web of plot is going to crash down to my feet
#on one hand: this fanfiction is very fun to write because it's very involved and requires every single preceding bit to fit together properl#like a domino chain#on the other hand i feel slightly like i'm going insane as i try to remember which characters were where#how much time has reasonably passed#have i laid enough groundwork for this? does it makes sense? does it make sense for the reader? does it make sense for all these characters#and who's pov should be surgically planted between these two other scenes#i'm going to be so happy to get this done but i'm getting close to end game and i ALWAYS get writers block towards the ending of a fic#bene speaks#ignore me#i've just been bashing my head against my keyboard for the past couple days as i try to get more of this written
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thank you so much for 150 followers
yay
#i might be going insane#because i have like 200 fics to work on#and i keep alternating on writing each one#i should probably only focus on one but my writers block is crazy
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fanfic rambling in the tags, nothing interesting really, just me talking to myself lol, okay to ignore or read as you please ✨
#so i've found the perfect prompt list for an olli/allu fic advent calendar sorta thing#but i'm too intimidated by my own expectations and ridiculously high standards to even start writing any of them 😭#honestly these prompts are so insanely cute and fit olli/allu PERFECTLY#like. i'm actually having trouble deciding which ones to use because i want to write them all 🥺💞#but i'm so so scared that i'll just end up writing the same (boring) story over again for 24 times 😔#i wish i could just write without thinking and trying so hard to write a literary masterpiece#when i KNOW it's alright if it's just a silly little story about my blorbos#that's perfectly enough and i know this but my brain's just not having it 😩#also if i were to write 24 independent fics i'd have to keep them short and simple but. that's not how i do fics. unfortunately (for me)#to overcome this i guess one option would be to write just one longer piece with 24 chapters#and somehow try to include the prompt of the day in each chapter 🤔#but i don't want to make this even more complicated to myself lol especially because i'm planning to write AUs for a couple of the prompts#i REALLY want to do prompts (of any kind!!) but i'm just so scared of stressing myself out to another months-long writer's block 😭#fair enough the last time that happened (last winter/spring) i was in a shitty place mentally anyway#and so far i've been happy to be writing on random bursts of inspiration. that's how it's the easiest for me. the words just...flow out#i'm so insanely jealous of anyone who can just create stuff when given any prompt 😭#y'all are super humans to me how do you do it pls spill your secrets#and anyone tempted to comfort me by saying i shouldn't stress myself over this and that i don't have to write anything i don't wanna write:#i knoooooowwww and i appreactiate the sentiment but the thing is i actually DO want to write these prompts 😭#in theory at least. because they really are cute as fuck wth 🥺#the problem is that i can't /force/ myself to write something at the snap of my fingers without a clear idea besides the prompt#and also because i know it can take me days to finish even one story let alone 24 💀#so to even START on this project is a little intimidating 🫣#i just fear i won't have the patience :(#and when i realise i won't be able to finish the project i'll become frustrated with myself#if only i knew how to write shorter one-scenes in order to not tire myself out#but often i find those kind of fics somehow...unsatisfying :(#i'm just a sucker for crafting the context/background for stories. a little flesh around the bones if you will 🤧#okay that's all now i'm gonna go stare at a wall while doing nothing useful for the rest of the weekend byeeee#if you read this far i hope you're having a nice saturday
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don't you worry about any of that! you write so well that I'll gladly read whatever you decide to publish 💛 I've been thoroughly enjoying not only your amazing lestappen, but everything you've been writing – you do you, and thank you!
aaaah deb please this is so nice ;-; <3
i've not completely abandonned lestappen (i did just come up with wholeass fake dating au that included a lot of clothes sharing between max and charles including the infamous quali pants) but i did suffer some serious writers block at the end of may (which i dont think i really talked about??) which left me not wanting to write anything and i got super frustrated with it.
anyway i've now gotten back to a point where i actually want to write things again so for now i'm just indulging myself writing whatever silly little stories i want in the hopes i'll eventually get to a place where i can write the Serious Big Fics again (like. you know. the roommates au lmao)
but i'm really happy to hear that there's people who will read anything i write it makes me feel very ;-;
#like lestappen is still my home base#but there's something delightfully fun about the lando/oscar dynamic that is just. curing my writers block in ways i cant explain#i think its the possibility for sillyness#like one of the ideas i have rn is a fic in which oscar does a lot of stress baking during race weekends#and like he leaves the baked goods in the mclaren hospitality#lando eats one at some point and is like. i am in love i NEED to marry the girl who made this#and oscar who is like harboring a serious crush for lando at this point is like. well i REALLY dont want to deal with the dissapointed look#on his face when he realizes its not a GIRL but ME who's doing the baking#so he says nothing#and then lando goes on this insane james bond esque mission to find out who mystery baking girl is#ropes oscar into it as well#and then during afternoons staking out the mclaren kitchens and patrolling the cafeteria or whatever lando thinks up#he slowly starts falling for oscar instead#oh and then there's also the werewolf au lmao#but i've been rambling for long enough and maybe like 2.3 people are insterested in this so you know#landoscar
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By the way, what character assassination were you talking about in the notes of my poll? I'm really curious
Was kind of talking around it there a bit intentionally but he really did dirty my boy Scrappy Doo : (
(Gunn wrote the live action scooby doo movies)
#leave him be hes a mildly annoying cartoon 10 year old like plsss#ppl associate his introduction w other bad decisions at the time made by writers and ppl in production. also his writing was bad and#overrelied on catchphrases and repeated actions hes actually good when hes in better written stuff#like jfc hes actually a really fun and interesting character concept just with not great execution in most of his stuff#like the sheer vitriol directed at him online and irl is insane. like the fact that theres a literal executive ban on using him in projects#is so bs especially when there are directors and movies where they genuinely want to use him (13th ghost of sd)#like hes literally not allowed to be protrayed positively you can only make quick meta jokes abt how much he sucks or not mention him at all#like give my boy a break he doesnt deserve this#anyways this links to james gunn specifically bc of his portrayal and that movie and starting the trend of bashing him but also bc it was#literally so unnecessary that gunn did that. like he hadnt been used in over a decade at that point and brought him back as a disgusting#creature just to fulfill his childhood vendetta or whatever. and 20yrs later he still cant be used bc of it#also a note to everyone: its late and i have to wake up in three hours to do shit so if anyone decides to start shit on my blog im gonna#block you. im tired and dont gaf i dont want to deal with 'jokes' rn no matter how funny you think they are 👍#not targeted at any one in particular just a general warning
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Chapter 10 done \o/
#salad-txt#baby steps or something#hey time to bitch in the tags#a few weeks ago I was talking to a coworker (who knows I write) how I aim for 300w/day#and she was - absolutely serious btw - like that's so little#don't you usually do much more is that writer's block#and it's just so discouraging??#yes I did much more when I did nothing fucking else for 4-5 months#no lazying around playing games almost no book read#(also no gw expac in that year lol)#but I can't keep that up or I'll go insane and also can we not underestimate how hard it is to do it literally every day#perhaps it's not quite 300/day but one day 100 and one day 500 but I try to get a bit done every day and have 10k at the end of month#for months. oh a migraine an evening out or whatever. well those missing words keep piling up#i've done multiple nanos before I know that and I need a goal that's low enough I can recover a missed day or two without hating my life#and let's not go to where that also applies for everything else. but you did that once so you must be able to do that again don't be lazy#do you really believe the tone of 'well you did better once before so every other attempt is worthless' is encouraging??#nope makes me stop trying why bother if i am never gonna be good enough or if i am it will make future me more miserable
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on god i AM going to write tonight
#i have legitimately not written in over a month. which is a super long time for me!!!#i did fake camp nanowrimo for a week then completely forgot about it lmao#where is that girl who was writing 2k a day. where is she#idk i've just found so many other hobbies that have been taking precedence over writing#quilting crochet karaoke violin piano etc. i've done some songwriting but i've had writer's block with that too#and i've had a lot of choice paralysis because i have so many projects and so many of them need fixes#what i need to do is take one (1) project and make that the only project i work on#and that one project is going to be my self indulgent camp new adult story inspired by my OG internet clique's shenanigans#and i'm gonna set the goal to write like idk. 3k a week. until i get back in the groove of writing#i need to get back into writing!!! i miss it so much. i miss my insane sci-fi series 😭#that is way too complex for me to even think about right now lmao. i've opened the scrivener doc so many times + immediately closed it#m.txt
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When you have to go back and read every chapter you have written in your book to make a stat block for the main character for when magic happens and you were stupid and didn't make one prior and now you are reading 4 1/6 of a book to mark down every skill and ability
#pov#writing problems#writing#writers on tumblr#fantasy#isekai#why am i like this#why#i hate this#make it stop#the consequences of my own actions#doesnt help i write almost 1-2k+ words per chapter#welp at least i can edit lmao#oh lord blocks of text why did i write like this#i am so glad i figured out how to properly write#i have killed god#god is dead#the elder ones are desending#and i shall be their catalyst#and im going insane
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