#the worst thing u can do is have one guy being way more heartfelt than everyone else

[gifti3]

most of those king texts were giving, 'happy valentines day! my gift to you is sex'

[retvenkos]

“i’ve always loved you, haven’t i?”

requested

OKAY, BUT FALLING IN LOVE???? WITH SCOTT LANG??? THAT HAS TO GO A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS...

so the two of you are good friends, and you have been since high school

so you know him like the back of your hand

and he knows you better than he knows himself

and you may or may not have always had a thing for scott, but he’s just so  d u m b  when he wants to be

so he clearly has zero idea about all of it

but don’t get me wrong, you were never super hung up on him

bro never saw you that way!!!

then he had a wife!!!!

and an insanely cute kid!!!!

there was no way in hell you were going to get in between that

you had your own fair share of partners during this time

but none of them were ever serious

scott would always joke about when you would finally settle down

“maybe someday.”

“in the meantime, i’ll make bets on it.”

and you were good friends with his wife and cassie, and you were always careful to never overstep

and you were good at it, at this point

scott was just one of those loves that would never be

then he lands himself in prison

and the two of you have a fight when you go to see him

because you understand what he was doing, but he went too far! he has a wife and a child to think about, now!

and he knows that, but he couldn’t just stand by

“sometimes you have to stand by! sometimes that’s all you can do!”

“no, (y/n), you can always do something!”

“not from in here, you can’t.”

and the two of you seethe at each other for a minute, then you get up to leave

“(y/n)...”

and you turn around

and it looks like he wants to say something, but you’re not sure what

“watch over cassie for me, yeah?”

and you nod stiffly

you’re mad for a long while

and scott feels so guilty

he’s lost everything - his daughter, his wife, you, everything he’s ever worked for...

and for what? did it even make a difference?

he ruined his life, did it make any bit of change?

and you know scott

and you know he’s beating himself up.

so when you cool down, you go to apologize

and he tries to apologize first, in classic scott fashion

and you allow him, and then you express your apology as well

“i really thought this would be it.”

“you can’t get rid of me, lang. i would never be able to stay mad at you for long.”

“i really am sorry, (y/n).”

“i know.”

and when he gets out, you are so supportive

you frequently go to baskin robins to cheer him up, even if it is by making fun of his pink polo shirt

“it’s a terrible uniform.”

“i think it suits you.”

but let’s be real, scott is one of the best friends you could ever have

so supportive and kind

he has your back for everything, and he is always trying to remind you of your strengths???

scott gives praise so freely, so please just give him some in return

and you find yourself falling for him all over again, but you have to remind yourself that scott has to find himself right now, and adding your feelings into the mix would only complicate things

also, when he becomes ant man, you’d better believe that his first instinct is to tell you

and you know he’s hiding something because this man is many things, but smooth is  n o t  one of them

and when he tells you, you think he’s joking

but when you find out he’s telling the truth???

“what the hell???? why didn’t you tell me???”

“i did!”

“you could have shown me!!!”

okay, but scott lang is full of untapped potential???

i mean, bro has soooooo many talents

he has amassed so much useless knowledge and so many odd talents during his house arrest

so there is never a dull moment with this man

he is also just a mega nerd

he has so many interests, and you will just let him rant about them for hours with sounds of agreement in all the right places

and you will watch all of his favorite movies with him and get super into them

he also just has the best stories, and you indulge him in telling them

“i’m sorry, you met tony stark?”

“fought him, actually. keep up.”

and at this point, being friends for literal years, the two of you are very much in sync

it’s honestly just cute to see the two of you, because you both care so deeply for each other and have each other’s backs in the best and worst of situations

hope is honestly so shocked that the two of you have never dated, and when she tells scott this, he is at first like,,, what??? but then it’s just,,,,, oh

oh

oh, no

so he tells luis about it, and luis is just like,,,, yeah, man. i agree.

and so now, scott is fully aware of it

and he is able to reconcile his feelings pretty fast

he likes you

no, he loves you

he always has, hasn’t he?

and then he thinks about you, and he thinks about how you’ve never really settled down, how you’ve always been closest to him, how you always cared about him more than anyone else

and he just knows that you have to like him too

no, love him

you always had, hadn’t you?

and you would think that scott would hide his feelings behind jokes and stuff

and he does, until he gets you alone

then he is very heartfelt and upfront about his feelings, and how you’ve always been there for him, in thick and thin, and how he’ll always be there for you, even if you don’t feel the same

“but i really hope you feel the same.”

and you are surprised, but not entirely shocked, because you always knew this side of scot existed, it’s why you fell in love with him in the first place.

“of course i love you, scott. i always have.”

and literally no one is shocked by this revelation, but it’s hella cute anyway

but onto some random fluff because i need it!!!

scott is the definition of 🥺🥺🥺🥺 when you are the big spoon

he just feel so safe and loved???

and he definitely sings in the shower, so i hope you’re ready for that

he is also pretty good at cooking???

he probably worked at a diner for a while, so he’s really good at making breakfast

he knows  z e r o  popular songs after 2010

so if you make him playlists he just,,, melts

he’s a huge movie buff, so you guys are frequently going to the cinema

you also go to watch kid movies with cassie, and it’s cute to see how invested he gets

he claims it’s so he can support cassie’s interests, but you have seen him crying in a movie or two

he also has an unhealthy love for milkshakes, i don’t know why

but more than that???

he loves  y o u

AND FLUFF ENSUES.

[logicalbookthief]

76 on the prompt list :>>> excited to see what u come up w/

Anon, your faith in me was truly misguided. I saw this prompt and went, “ooh, ok, let’s do some heartfelt angst,” and then as I started that my brain went, “nah, this instead.”

And by this, I mean “domestic & married Reddie being gross and in love and having a drama queen for a kid”

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Prompt: 76 – “It could be worse. They could be dating.” “Wait. They are?!”

Summary: “Our daughter is dating a nose-picker?!” Eddie says it with the disdain of someone describing a serial killer.

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Richie kicks the door closed with his foot, already slipping it halfway out of his shoe. He dumps his duffel on the floor, which Eddie’ll chide him for later. That’s a problem for future Richie, not present Richie, who’s running on pure caffeine after his non-stop flight from Atlanta to LA.

The distant thump of 80s music lures him to the kitchen. Eddie’s humming along to the radio as he rinses lettuce for one of his seasonal salads. Richie would bet his life it includes pine nuts. 

Padding quietly across the hardwood, Richie warps his arms around his husband from behind. “Honey, I’m home!”

Eddie jolts, relaxing the minute he feels the frame of Richie’s glasses against his head. “Jesus,” he sighs, dropping to a whisper. “Jack, what’re you doing, you know my husband’s coming home today!”

“Jack?!” Richie squawks, twisting him around by the lapels. “As in, our mailman?”

“Oh, whoops,” Eddie feigns shock, the facade lasting all of a second before he throws his arms around Richie’s neck, swooping in for a kiss. 

Richie moans, a little satisfied hum against Eddie’s lips. “Where’s my other sweetheart?”

His husband adjusts his shirt where it’s riding up, due to his Richie’s wandering hands. “Moping,” he explains, delicately.

“She’s seven. What does she have to mope about?” Richie deadpans. His mouth twists into a grimace. “Wait. Are you trying the tuna casserole recipe again?”

Eddie whips around. “What the fuck’s wrong with my–?”

“Nothing!” he answers quickly. Eddie narrows his eyes, wielding the salad-spinner like he wants to use it on something besides leafy greens. “So what’s eating my little Spaghetti-o?”

“Mrs. Diaz separated her from her cubby-buddy, Jonas,” Eddie informs, eyebrows rocketing to his hairline. “Apparently they were too disruptive as a pair.”

“Jonas? Isn’t that the nose-picker?” He regrets this observation as Eddie gags over the croutons. 

Everyone has a thing, a thing that trips the gag reflex. Many things bring out that response in Eddie, yet none so viscerally as his aversion to snot, boogers, and the like. Ever since they were kids, it was the surefire way to make him heave. Even if the snot in question was connected to their child.

So when it came to boogers, Richie was the go-to parent, while Eddie graciously agreed to handle the diaper meltdowns. After all, the key to a successful marriage is compromise. Compromise, and lots of Clorox wipes. 

At the school’s Christmas pageant last year, the boy standing next to Nina started digging for gold halfway through Twelve Days of Christmas and found a nugget before they hit two turtle-doves. Poor Eds nearly hurled in Richie’s lap. 

“Don’t remind me,” Eddie shudders. “Anyway, she’s heartbroken over it. As soon as we got home she ran to her room. I tried to talk to her when I brought her a snack and she asked me to please give her time.”

Richie imagines that coming out of his seven-year-old’s mouth and snorts. “Sorry,” he adds. “Not funny.”

Eddie ducks his chin to hide his smile. “Even for her, it’s a tad overdramatic,” he admits, glancing up at Richie through his lashes. “I didn’t have the heart to pester her, but, maybe since you’re home…”

“I’m on it!” Richie stretches the lingering kinks out of his neck. “I’m a world-famous comedian back from a sold-out show. Cheering our daughter up should be a cinch.”

“Mhm,” Eddie intones, not sounding very confident. Which, rude. He seems rather distracted by the length of Richie’s biceps as they stretch over his head. His eyes gleam with an anticipation that has nothing to do with salad. Richie’s got the same itch crawling beneath his skin and he’s very eager to scratch it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and the dick grow harder. 

His knocks at Nina’s room are ignored, so Richie gently pushes the door open to peer inside. At the sight of his daughter curled up on the bed, he breaks into a smile.

“Eyyy, there’s my girl!” 

Nina raises her head from the pillow, uttering a curt, “Hi, Dad.”

Well, that’s far less enthusiasm than he was expecting. Considering he was gone for almost a week. Nothing like a child’s indifference to keep you humble.

“Aww, sweetie, what’s wrong?” His ears perk at the soft croon of Whitney Houston in the background. “And … what the heck are you listening to?”

“Playlist,” she mutters, blindly flinging an arm toward her device. She’s got it open to his Spotify. 

Richie should probably delete the app from her tablet, like, yesterday. If she ever stumbles across his “Songs to fuck Eddie to” playlist he’ll have to commit samurai-suicide.

However. Given this playlist is called “Sad love songs to cry into your Chipotle burrito,” Richie has a better idea of what type of crisis he’s dealing with here. 

“Sooo, uh. Your daddy told me. You and Jonas, you two are…?” He winces at her lip-tremble, which confirms his worst suspicions. “That’s rough, kiddo.”

“I’ll never be happy again,” Nina sniffs miserably. “I love Jonas and now we’ll never see each other!”

“You are still in the same class,” Richie points out.

She whirls on him, eyes flashing lividly.

“We sit by last names! His is at the beginning, mine’s at the end!” With more venom than a child should be capable of, she hisses, “I hate the alphabet.” 

“O-Kay,” says Richie, truly at a loss. Luckily, she doesn’t seem inclined to talk about it anymore. Instead she stuffs her face back in the pillow, not quite fluffy enough to absorb her lovelorn sigh.

He pets her hair, curling it around his fingers, until the sniffles eventually dwindle. “Do you want us to make you a special dinner? Anything you want,” Richie cajoles.

Nina thinks it over, tilting her cheek enough to say, “Can you ask Daddy to make tuna casserole?”

Richie blanches. “Wha– Why?”

“I want my belly to feel as bad as my heart,” she mumbles.

He manages to keep a straight face as he bends to kiss her brow and leaves her to sulk, but it’s a close call. When he reports back to the kitchen with his news, there’s no tact necessary.

Eddie laughs ‘til he’s out of breath. “It isn’t funny,” he repeats, slightly winded.

“Of course not,” Richie agrees, failing to stifle his own grin.

“I love her, I’m sorry she’s hurting, but she’s so–”

“Theatric?”

“She gets that from you,” Eddie accuses.

“Excuse a moi?” Richie balks. “This, coming from the guy who kissed me out of the deadlights like some low-budget horror rebut of Sleeping Beauty?”

“What, should I have let the clown eat you?” Eddie glances his way, slyly. “I was referring to middle school. When you spent an entire night cranking your mom’s Bonnie Tyler records because I said you kind of looked like a frog, and you remembered how three weeks ago I told Bev I’d never kiss a frog even if it turned into a handsome prince?”

“Fucking Stanley,”  Richie huffs. “I swore him to secrecy. We spit on it and everything.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “At least for Nina, it’s only a crush. It could be worse,” he scoffs. “They could be dating.”

Richie tries to school his expression, he does, but – the thing is. After spending almost their whole fucking lives together, minus those twenty-two years of amnesia in between, Eddie can spot his tells from a mile away.

“Wait. They are?!” He slaps a hand over his mouth, aghast. “Our daughter is dating a nose-picker?”

He says it with the disdain of someone describing a serial killer.

“Ugh, Rich, that–ew! What if they hold hands after h–he–”

The suggestion of it alone has Eddie bending over the sink.

“Babe, c’mon.” Richie soothes a palm up-and-down his spine. “You’ve drilled the importance of hand-washing into Nina since she could walk. I doubt she’s carrying around any clingers.”

On cue, Eddie lets loose another dry heave.

“Will you stop?” he groans, glaring over his shoulder at Richie. “This is awful. Literally, of all the kids in her class, why this one?” 

“You’re blowing this way out of proportion,” says Richie, though Eddie’s eyebrows beg to differ. He loves his husband, deeply, irrevocably, but he’s also one of most ridiculous people on the planet. “Remember, we like Jonas? Jonas is nice! If a little unsanitary… He’ll grow out of it, though. Like I did.”

The words leave his mouth before his brain can flash any of the red warning signs. Slowly, ever so slowly, Eddie turns. They lock eyes. His gaze brims with the horror of this realization.

“Are you saying,” Eddie begins, dangerously low, “that you used to pick your nose when we were kids a-and then, you’d touch me?”

“Used to?” Richie grabs the fleeing Eddie and hauls him back before he really does leave him for their incredibly buff mailman.

“Babe!” he chuckles. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding, I swear! I swear on Ben’s chiseled abs!”

“Disgusting, you’re disgusting,” Eddie grumbles, wriggling in his grasp. “Let go of me, don’t even think of touching me with–”

All of a sudden, Eddie squeals, wracked with a full-bodied spasm.

“With what?” Richie taunts, continuing to tickle him. “With these filthy, boogery fingers of mine?”

“St–op!” Eddie wheezes. “I’m gonna piss my pants!”

“Don’t exploit my pee kink,” he snaps, which only makes Eddie wheeze harder.

“I’ve had my fingers in your ass,” Richie reminds. “In fact, you love my fingers in your ass.”

Whether from embarrassment or exertion, Eddie flushes. “Fuck you, that’s extremely different!”

“You’re right, it’s probably more disgusting.” Teeth skirting over his earlobe, Richie leans down, his voice a sultry hush, “Because I like to use my mouth there, too.”

Eddie muffles a moan into his fist. “I see what you’re doing,” he grits out. “And it won’t work. No way I’m sleeping with you now, nose-picker.”

Richie makes a wounded noise, clutching him more firmly to his chest. “Please, Eds, baby, I can change! I’ll go to meetings, therapy– I’ll never stick my finger anywhere you don’t want again!”

“I don’t know if I can ever look at you the same.” Eddie’s reply cuts off into a giggle as those fingers attack his flank. “Seriously, Rich, I am going to–!” 

They’re interrupted by the violent swing of Nina’s door against the wall.

“Will you two keep it down?!” she shouts. “I’m trying to mourn!”

The door slams shut again. They gawk at each other in silence. Finally, Richie pools enough blood into his brain to speak.

“Are we terrible parents?”

Eddie kisses the underside of his chin. “Ask me that when your semi isn’t plastered against my ass,” he says, flatly.

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@trashmouth_tozier

Hi my name is Richie and I’m a recovering nose-picker. Ages 3 thru 9 were rough, but with the support of my dear husband, I’ve managed to keep my fingers clean. Hope my story can help inspire someone else xx

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Bev: why did Eddie ask for the number of my divorce lawyer ?

Bev: nvm I saw your tweet

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Am I projecting my own snot-induced gag reflex onto Eddie? Yes. Do I still believe my characterization was spot-on? Yes again.  

[theropoda]

3, 4, 6-8, 11, 13-17, 19-22, 26-30 uwu

WOO LAD THAT’S A LOT THANK U!!! this got long and i wrote an essay or two LOL so im putting it under a readmore!

3: Best game you’ve ever played? WEEEELLLL.......let me preface this with two things: one, i am a FAKE GAMER as in my laptop is not at all made for gaming, it’s piss poor, so a big chunk of games i’m interested in is because i watched a playthrough of them lol. i have a 3ds but only 3 games on it (animal crossing new leaf, tomodachi life, nintedogs & cats). second, i’m very bad at choosing favorites of things.....BUUUUT .....i choooooose, in no particular order, OFF, pigeonetics, elder scrolls oblivion, pathologic classic HD!! i’m more than likely forgetting a few though, so sorry about that

4: Worst game you’ve ever played? as i said above, cannot choose favorites, neither can i choose whatever the opposite of favorites is but...uhh, does lif even count as a game? like lif, the stupid little furry flash game i remember playing on some shady website. it was surprisingly very active with a BUNCH of people there but i kept dying like every 5 seconds....AWFUL

6: A game that’s changed you the most? WELL define Changed.....ummm aha first thing that comes to mind is OFF. it’s one of those things where you never knew you wanted something so fucking bad until you saw it--and it’s like that for me. i NEVER knew i loved that odd, surreal, colorful, “looks playful and simple in some parts but incredibly violent and unnerving in other parts” aesthetic til i played it. like aesthetically i love that game to BITS and something about it just stuck with me til the end of time.

later in life (meaning, past year or so) it changed me because it taught me a lesson about storytelling and creative endeavors. a very useful lesson. which is: things don’t really need to have a meaning. stories, art, music, writing, whatnot, while it CAN be deep and meaningful, while you CAN use it as a way to communicate with the world about all kinds of heartfelt things, it can also be...nothing, really.

once i, as usual, got ridiculously overwhelmingly sad about small things. specifically seeing other people around me come up with all kinds of deep and meaningful characters and stories, sometimes putting them into webcomics or writings of theirs, and they were all so well-thought out and detailed and what i envied most was people put a lot of themselves and their experiences into them, venting and coping through them, whilst also making these larger-than-life grandiose complex stories and worlds and so on and so forth.

it made me look at my own ideas and get mad/frustrated at how shallow they were. but then i remembered OFF and i felt better because Fun Fact, mortis ghost has a now-abandoned dA account and if you go through the comment section on his profile, he answers a lot of fan questions and he mentions several times that the game didn’t really have a “meaning”, it didn’t really have a “deeper story” or moral or anything, really. i’m paraphrasing this but i vividly remember him saying “i wanted to make a game, so i did”.

that made me feel a lot better because it made me realise that sometimes art--especially stories, in my case-- doesn’t NEED to be DEEP or have MEANING...sometimes it can just BE!!!! sometimes it really can just be all about AESTHETICS like who GIVES a shit if there’s a hidden meaning if you take the first letter of all of your characters’ names and put them backwards, sometimes all that matters is if they just VIBE with you y’know....

yume nikki is similar in this regard bc that game doesn’t have any story other than “collect egg” and yet it’s so impactful. that game doesn’t have a story or meaning it just IS........ :) GOD THATS SO LONG IM SORRY ABOUT THAT but yeah. funny violent ghostbusting baseball man is a game that changed me :)

7: A game you’ll never forget? OFF AGAIN LOL,,, it’s just so memorable because of how unique it is. visuals, soundtrack, story, everything is so memorable. unforgettable. oh god you can tell how much i love this damn game can’t you

8: Best soundtrack? yakuza 0, OFF, there is a picture (another game by mortis ghost, again composed by alias conrad coldwood who also composed OFF), pigeonetics (the entire soundtrack of which is here), jojo’s bizarre adventure all star battle and eyes of heaven, silent hill 2 & 3, undertale....probably forgetting more but all of these...earcandy

11: Hardest game you’ve played? i am a shitty gamer so this is Most games i’ve played lol!! but uhh..well you see. hardest game i remember playing as of recent is pathologic classic hd in which it’s...not only hard to understand what any character is saying at any given time lol but also, i don’t think it’s HARD it’s just...you need to focus. you REALLY need to fucking focus and pay attention in this game. so i wouldn’t say its HARD, but i’m only putting this here bc it’s in recent memory.

i say recent memory because the true answer is susceptible to “yeah, but now you’re older, it must not be so hard.” as in if i played it now i think i’d have a way easier time. but when i was around....10-12 years old i had several ps3 video game adaptations of animated movies and i had SUCH a fucking hard time with them. g-force, bolt and up in particular were fucking HARD. like genuinely, the hardest time i had EVER had in my live playing video games is tied to these three fucking games. g-force and bolt ESPECIALLY. one particular level in bolt took both me AND my sister around a year to fucking finish.

again, i was baby, so i bet i’d have a much easier time with them now that i’m 17. but for now, in my experience, bolt and g-force for the ps3 were harder than pathologic classic. i think icepick lodge should take a few notes for them for pathologic 2.

13: A game you were the most excited for when it wasn’t released yet? STREETS OF KAMUROCHO...i spent the entire day of its release anticipating its launch lol

14: A game you think would be cool if it had voice acting? hmm..most games i like and know about do have voice acting so i dunno....i guess it would’ve been kind of cool if morrowind had like, full proper voice acting. but i can understand why it only voice acted things like greetings and battle insults because GOD that game is SO...complicated...and as a result, the conversations are so lengthy and text-full. playing morrowind is really like a goddamn book! if it was voice acted i’m sure all that information would have to be shortened bc i know no one is going to fucking voice act two whole paragraphs

15: Which two games do you think would make an awesome crossover? pigeonetics and yakuza in which instead of being about the criminal underworld it’s about shady and unethical pigeon clubs, breeding, racing, etc etc...a lot of illegal shit does happen in the world of pigeons especially when it comes to racing; prized racers have been kidnapped and held for ransom before. and then there’s Avian Cucking: The Sport, where people breed the sexiest pigeons (horseman thief pouters), release them outside to seduce other people’s sexy pigeons, and bring them back and keep ‘em, drama ensues. will kiryu ever escape his past as a professional pigeon-napper, and find solace in his new life as a pigeon hobbyist? find out now by playing YACOOZA......

JOKES ASIDES i don’t know i really don’t....umm, pigeonetics and animal crossing somehow?? :O... like, instead of managing your own town it’s managing your own loft!...orrrr, the jojo games (all star battle & eyes of heaven) with yakuza, because i think they’re somewhat similar because they’re both haha Wacky Silly AND serious over the top fighty-fighting.....or maybe a crossover with OFF and discover my body, which, despite being an incredibly short and obscure indie game i still love to bits for what it’s worth. WAIT ANIMAL CROSSING AND MINECRAFT THAT WOULD FUCK SO HARD OH MY GOD

16: Character you’ve hated most? From what game? i can’t think of any character i like, HATE...with a burning passion.. there are a few i dislike or have a complicated relationship with though.. i’m not interested in the series anymore but ouma from drv3...i’ll admit that he is a bit fun sometimes, especially in the very early beginning he’s a likeable brat but as the game progresses he becomes more irritating than anything and i have an issue with him in regards to writing, despite the fact that i have never been awake in any english class ever lol. it’s too long to put in this already long post but i’ll keep it at that. if you like him, well, good for you for finding joy in something i couldn’t! but he just doesn’t do it for me.

AH I JUST REMEMBERED....MINE......FROM YAKUZA 3....maybe i’d change my mind if i watched a playthrough of y3 again, because i think you always absorb something better on your second watch (tho i honestly Dont have the energy to do that all over again, the yakuza games are too fucking long), but i really hate his writing. spoilers for y3 but, i think mine’s writing, alongside other things in the game, were super messy...and a big part of why i hate him is that not only is he one of those “could’ve had great potential but fell flat” sorta guys but also his love for daigo is seen as some fans as good gay rep and i?????/.............um....WELL let’s just say that, i think people nowadays will see any gay character ever in any circumstance and say it’s good gay rep just based off the fact that A Gay Character exists....he was Not, good gay rep imo....he was not, let alone, Good. .........

17: What game do you never tell people you play? can’t think of any games i wouldn’t tell people i play.. idk exactly what this question’s asking. does it mean what game you don’t tell ppl you play bc you’re embarrassed about it...? i’m not very embarrassed by any of them. the only thing that comes close, i guess, is uhh lioden and wolvden. i’ve only interacted with those communities a LITTLE TINY WEE BIT, yet of what i’ve seen it’s a goddamn dumpster fire and i’d never want to be associated with them lol

19: Which game do you think deserves a revival? i’m well aware it’ll never happen and that it’s more a wet dream than anything but...PT/silent hills..... on a more realistic/”could happen” note, PIGEONETICS!!!! SERIOUSLY, it’s an amazing game about amazing animals and it teaches genetics in a very simplified and efficient way!! genetics is SO hard for me to understand, i fucking hated studying it but this game really helped me understand how it works AND its super engaging and interesting!! HOWEVER, of all the pigeon genes we know of, only a handful were seen in pigeonetics and i’d LOVE a sequel that employs new game mechanics AND new genes!! i wanna learn about bronze and stencil genes! i wanna learn about phenotypes like grizzled and pied!!! genes like sooty and dirty!!! @ UNIVERSITY OF UTAH GENETICS DEPARTMENT PLEASE IM BEGIGNG YOU

20: What was the first video game you ever played? earliest memories of Gaming involves me at my aunt’s house playing two games: super mario brothers and some kind of trapeze game. i don’t remember anything else though

21: How old were you when you first played a video game? i can’t remember but i must’ve been REAL tiny.... 6-9 years, maybe??

22: If you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be? What would you do? immerse myself meaning go into their world...? huh....on one hand i’d like to go in the world of yakuza 0 to play in the arcades and do whore related activities but i’d also love to go into the world of animal crossing (and i’m pretty sure i’d be some sort of generic dromaeosaurid in that game!!) and shop, chat with villagers, do chores for them, go fishing, bug hunting, eat delicious fucking food like the apples mangos peaches cherries etc etc.....OH AND FOSSIL HUNTING THAT’S THE BEST PART!! though it would definetly be a little weird, to be a little dinosaur and finding a fossil of a...little dinosaur....i guess the non-sentient species went extinct and the dinosaur i am is some kind of, descendant of a sapient non-avian dinosaur that survived the k-pg extinction event...oh but who cares all i want is a cool little ambulocetus fossil or something. and some cherry pie :)

26: Handheld or console? my old ps3 just went kaput one day years ago so i haven’t used it in years so i can’t compare well... but i’d say handheld, because it lets me like DO stuff more...would love to get a console one day, a ps4 maybe but i’m kinda worried it’ll make me stay in one room all day wasting away my time when there’s other stuff i can do, y’know? but something handheld like my 3ds, on the other hand...i can do stuff with it. i can take it to my room and play it between breaks i take as i clean the room and fold my clothes, i can watch something on the tv and play the game during ad breaks, i can take it outside too if it has charge to last me a while! so....handheld i guess

27: Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry? yakuza 0 and undertale in particular have ALMOST made me fucking bawl with many of its moments....yakuza 0 especially, after that Fucking Ending i had trouble sleeping because oh my fucking god. video game people SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

28: Which character’s clothes do you wish you owned the most?

29:  Which is more important, gameplay or story? HMMM....well, if i were to play a game with a shitty story but really good and fun gameplay i’d probably continue playing it for the gameplay. but if i played a game with shitty gameplay but an interesting story, there is a chance i’d play it more for the sake of the story but also i might just quite and see the rest of the story on youtube or something. i’m more likely to go through a boring story for fun gameplay than go through boring gameplay for an interesting story, so i guess gameplay is more important to me....that is, WHEN i actually own and play a game as opposed to when i just watch someone play a game because i don’t own the game but wanna know abt the story lol

30: A game that hasn’t been localized in your country that you think should be localized? i have no idea how video game localization really works....but i assume localizing a game in india would mean something like, removing content according to cultural norm and also somehow translating it into the 22 official languages..? or just two or three language if it’s tied to a particular state, which seems way more doable. i honestly have no idea? i’ve never interacted w the indian gaming community that much to be honest, all i know of it is of the video games i’ve seen sold in some game stores and a few whispers about like solid snake or whoever from my school’s cafeteria....the most popular games here, to my knowledge, are those very streamable games like fortnite and PUBG and your call of duties and whatnot. those generic shooters. and even then, that honestly isn’t the “indian” gaming community bc this country is so FUCKHUGE, it’s just tamil nadu. one state.

soooo, according to what little i know of gaming interests in where i live, i don’t think any of the games i like should be localized here bc i don’t really think there’s an audience for it as far as i can tell :( maybe animal crossing? it’s a fun little games for all ages and i think it has a chance of becoming popular here, so maybe that is worth a shot! but i can’t think of any other game that i like that really has an audience here (other than Me lol)

[chocolvte]

sort of a request but i just thought of an au where the reader is a prince/princess and chan is a guard and how cute it would be omg do u have any headcanons for this scenario?

oh my gosh yes!!! i’m in love with this concept!!!

so as kids you and chan used to play together all the time

and he knew that you were a prince(ss) and you knew he was going to be a guard when he grew up

but neither of you cared and at first neither did anyone else

chan was your best friend; you shared everything

as an heir to the throne, you had to be very careful about trusting people

you might have been sheltered, but you weren’t naive to the ways that other people could hurt you

at the end of the day, chan was the one person you trusted completely

there was just something carefree about him and the way he made fun of you and pulled your hair like you were just a normal person

from day one, you were always there for each other

whenever he hurt himself training, you were the first person he came to for help

and whenever one of your tutors made you cry, he was right there to get angry on your behalf

everything was perfect until you started to get older and chan started taking his job a little more seriously

suddenly, he didn’t have as much time for you

your whole life had been full of french tutors and ballroom dancing and horseback riding

and chan had always been busy learning how to fight and defend the royals he was sworn to protect

but as your reached your teens, his personality seemed to change

gone was your carefree best friend, replaced by a determined young man who trained like he had something to prove

it surprised no one when chan completed his training and was immediately assigned to guard you

you thought that this would bring things back to normal, but try as you might to get a smile, a joke, or anything at all out of your former best friend, he remained as professional as ever

pretty soon chan wasn’t the only one changing

you became much more withdrawn than you were before

your sunshiney disposition made you well loved by all of your family’s staff and the gloomy shift within you did not go unnoticed

only wanting you to be happy, your father started to invite neighboring princes over to visit, hoping that they would help ease your obvious loneliness

there was nothing wrong in particular with any one of them, but they weren’t the person you were missing. they weren’t chan.

despite this, you managed to get close to a few of them

minho, prince of the kingdom neighboring yours, never failed to make you crack a smile. his teasing nature reminded you of a younger chan and you found yourself often asking for him to visit.

another prince who began to make frequent appearances was seungmin, from a kingdom across the river and to the south. he always managed to see though your sadness.

“who was it?” he asked you once, only a week or so after you met.

you were sitting underneath an apple tree in your palace’s gardens, but even the branches’ dappled shadows moving across your face couldn’t mask your surprise. “what do you mean?”

“i mean,” he swiped an apple across his shirt before taking a bite, “who broke your heart?”

it was those words which broke you and you spent the whole afternoon crying in his arms

afterwards, you felt a little more free, like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders

even though you knew chan would never like you back, you still felt better after admitting your feelings to yourself

while you might not have realized that your favorite boy liked you back, minho and seungmin definitely did

thus began a plan minho’s dramatic ass insisted on calling “operation x” which essentially consisted of being extra touchy feely with you whenever chan was around (and he always was)

you had no idea what was going on, but you were happy to receive seungmin’s comforting hugs and minho’s flirty comments, never imagining that they were meant to be anything other than friendly

minho also got into the habit of bringing you presents. they weren’t big things, but they were heartfelt and, operation x aside, minho would have started getting them for you sooner if he knew you would smile the way you did whenever he pulled one out of his pocket

seungmin thought the whole plan was immature, but he had to admit it worked

even you could tell that chan was getting worked up over something, but you remained blissfully ignorant to the idea that you might be the cause

until finally, one night, seungmin kissed you goodbye. it was only on the cheek, gentle and sweet, but there was something intimate about it, as if it held the promise of something else

chan was livid

you couldn’t for the life of you figure out why (he had stopped telling you things months ago) and it was frustrating you almost to the point of tears

“can you just tell me what’s wrong?” you burst out once he had escorted you back to your room. “i’m so sick of trying to figure out what i did wrong. so please, please, can you just tell me why you’re so angry all the time?”

for a brief moment chan looked shocked, like he hadn’t been expecting your outburst, but the next second it was gone, replaced by a fresh wave of anger

“you want me to tell you what’s wrong?” he repeated in a harsh, mocking tone that made you flinch.

“yes,” you whispered more than said, forcing yourself to look him in the eyes. “i want to fix this. fix us.”

chan looked at you looking up at him, your eyes wide and hopeful, and something in him snapped.

“you can’t fix this, y/n,” he snapped. “not everything is fixable. sometimes things are just broken and terrible and maybe if you didn’t live in a perfect, sparkly pink bubble you would understand that.”

chan had never, never spoken to you like that before. no one had and hearing it from the person you loved most stung.

you didn’t want to cry in front chan and let him see how much his words hurt you, so you did what chan knew you would. you ran away, slamming the door to your room in his face

after that, things got considerably worse. even seungmin’s hugs couldn’t get you to stop crying once you started, chan’s words replaying over and over in your head, and chan didn’t speak a word to you that he didn’t have to.

“do you want to know the worst part, minnie?” you said one morning about a week after the fight. “he’s right. i am just a spoiled little prince(ss) living in a bubble. look at me, i’m a mess just because someone had the courage to tell me the truth.”

“you are not spoiled, y/n,” seungmin snapped, glaring at minho, who was just staring at your sad, crumpled form in distress. “i knew this was a stupid idea.”

minho’s eyes widened at seungmin’s words as his gaze shifted quickly from you to the boy stroking his hand up and down your back, trying his best to comfort you

minho shook his head quickly behind your back, warning seungmin not to say anything else.

“no, we have to tell her, minho,” seungmin said, pressing a kiss to your head as you lifted it from his chest, still sniffling a little.

“tell me what, guys?” you glanced between them. “what’s going on?”

minho sighed, finally relenting, mostly because the guilt was slowly eating him alive.

“for the past month we’ve been doing little things to make chan jealous,” minho told you. the words tasted sour in his mouth. “and it worked. he definitely has feelings for you, y/n. why else would he have reacted so badly?”

“we didn’t mean to hurt you,” seungmin added gently. “we just wanted to make him confess to you.”

you were stunned. you were sure that they were wrong about chan. there was no way he liked you, not after what he said.

“please, just go talk to him,” seungmin begged. “i’m sure you can work it out if you try, no matter what he told you.”

eventually, with a little more prodding from your best friends, you gathered the courage to talk to chan

but when chan showed up to escort you to dinner, you lost your nerve, walking in silence beside him

this whole week, chan had been miserable. he just missed you so much. he missed the way your laugh sounded and the carefree way you used to tell him everything

before, if he was walking beside you like this you would have reached over and grabbed his hand, swinging them between you two, and your words would have continued uninterrupted as you told him about your day

now the silence loomed between you, forming a wall which neither of your hands could seem to reach across

“i’m sorry.”

the words seemed to slip out on their own, but chan couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of relief once they were spoken.

“what?” you stopped walking, looking back at chan, who looked so boyish sad and confused that it made you want to crush him in a hug

“i said i’m sorry,” his voice was louder now, clearer, and he looked you in the eyes as he spoke. “i’m so sorry, y/n, for all of it. i’m sorry for what i said and for hurting your feelings and not talking to you.”

you felt like you wanted to cry, but you settled for biting your bottom lip as hard as you could

“it’s just so hard,” his voice broke and he had to look away for a second as tears welled in his eyes. “it’s so hard, knowing that i’ll never be enough for you. you do live in a sparkly bubble and it’s one that i’ll never be a part of, not really. that’s why i said those things before. it wasn’t about you, it was about how much i love you. but i can’t. i shouldn’t.”

now you really were crying and you weren’t sure how to stop

“chan, you stupid idiot,” your voice shook with every word. “i would turn down every prince in the world if it meant i could have you. i don’t care what anyone has to say, i just want to love you. i already love you.”

against his better judgement, chan cupped your face, pressing his lips to yours in a kiss wet with your tears

“jesus christ, finally!” minho’s voice carried down the hall, quickly followed by a loud, “ow! seungmin, what the hell?”

“could you shut up for once in your life?”

chan laughed, feeling free for the first time in a long time, and turned back around to kiss your smiling face as many times as you would let him

[lightskinrry]

Lucky.

the one where you realize being in love with your best friend sucks and movie night isn’t as sweet as usual (part three of Pivot)

A/N: well i don’t know if there’s going to be more but here she is; part three of Pivot…

Word Count: 4k

TW: angst??? fluff??? it’s a mess honestly

thank you to my darling @belladonna-styles for reading it over!

Read Part One! Read Part Two!

If it wasn’t for the dance, you wouldn’t be asking yourself why being Harry’s friend wasn’t enough.

You wished it was. You wished you didn’t need more. You wished you didn’t wonder about the taste of his lips or about feeling his fingertips. You wished you hadn’t felt like this when his hand brushed the back of your neck. When his breath touched your skin. When his voice whispered in your ear. You never felt this way about him. So why did you have to feel like this, now?

You knew it would only bring hurt. You didn’t have a chance with him. You’re his friend. Moreover, you’re his best friend. And if that hurt, you couldn’t even imagine how much it would kill you to lose him. How much you’d cry the moment he’d tell you he don’t feel this way about you. You tried to convince yourself it was a night crush. Nothing more.

But over the course of the last few months, you found yourself missing him more than ever. You kept wanting to touch him. To kiss him. To love him. The feeling took over your whole body. You felt a wave of heat every time he looked at you, a boiling sensation in the pit of your stomach every time his hands landed on your body. You’d squeeze your thighs when he would curse under his breath when you two played scrabble and you’d win. Although, you let him win lately. Just so you could see his dimples pop out as he made his victory dance.

Every minute you’d spend with him felt sweeter but, god, did it hurt. It was like flying in the air, velvet kisses and silk but then you’d be stabbed in the heart every time reality struck you. You were his friend. Not the one he’d wake up in the morning next to. Not the one he’d kiss on the lips. Not the one he wants to see before he falls asleep. Not the one he loves. At least, not the one he loves like this.

The worst part of all was that you knew you either had to get over yourself and stop thinking about him or your friendship would be ruined.

You decided it was better for the both of you to spend some time apart. So you wouldn’t see him and wouldn’t feel him. You tried not to answer his texts and avoid his calls as much as you could. You would text him that you were too busy to talk and would stop answering from there. It hurt. Knowing he was probably worrying over you but you needed that time apart to reevaluate your feelings and kill them before they’d kill your friendship.

You left for the weekend; spending some time at your parents’ place. You didn’t tell Harry a word about leaving. You just went to get some time alone with your family.

You were sitting in the den at your mama’s, watching some cartoons on the tv. You knew you had to leave for London tomorrow. It was your last night there so your mom cooked a whole meal and bought you some ice cream. And now you were just waiting patiently for sleep to kick in. Your phone was charging next to you. You heard it vibrate and swallowed the spoonful of ice cream you had in hand before grabbing it.

Bambi sent a message

Milkie?

You looked at your phone and put it away as you didn’t want to indulge into a conversation with him. You still felt some way about Harry and you hoped it would soon be gone. Your phone rang again. You hesitated for a moment and picked it up.

Bambi sent a message

I’m worried about you. Please just answer me. Tell me you’re okay. Is everything okay? Is it something I’ve done? I’ve talked to Mila she said you were at your parents. I didn’t know you left. I hope you’re good. It’s just… I miss you. Answer me please.

You felt a pinch in your heart when you read his text. You could almost hear the pain in his voice. You knew he meant it. It was just so hard for you. Being far away from him was hard but being near him was even harder. You had to watch him being the most wonderful person, being the only person you want but can’t have. And that shit hurt so much. Loving him was hard enough that you had to put him through pain so you decided to answer.

I’m okay. Sorry I’ve been busy af lately

Wassup Bambi?

Your answer wasn’t as heartfelt as his message but you couldn’t allow yourself to go for more. A few moments later, you felt your phone vibrate again.

Bambi sent a message

Ok… Can I call you?

You felt your blood rush through your veins. It’s been weeks since you last heard his voice. Your heart begged you to take the call. You gave in and typed your answer.

Sure

Next thing you knew your phone was ringing between your hands. You picked up and heard Harry’s little voice through the phone. You missed it. You missed him actually. You talked for hours. He stayed on the phone with you until 3 in the morning. You told him about your family, work, everything except your feelings for him. He caught up on every little thing he missed over the last weeks. And you did too. At a price. He told you about that guy he met. They went on a date and he likes him. He’s planning on seeing him again. It was rather painful hearing him gush about somebody else. But maybe it would help you get over your feelings for him.

“I’m kinda paranoid… We’ve been out a few times… Casual. But yeah, I like him. I’m kinda hoping it will go somewhere. He showed interest but how do you really know? Boys are so cryptid.”

You laughed at his last words. Genuinely it was something that you knew by heart.

“Yeah, you guys are messed up. You can’t never really know. But I’d say go for it. What do you have to lose?”

In that situation, he had nothing to lose. He could just go and tell him how he felt. You wished you could free yourself like this. Just tell him how you felt. But there was something so important at stake there. You just couldn’t.

“You’re right, Milkie. We’re messed up. Not too keen on communication. At least, I’m trying on that. I guess I could tell him but I don’t want to scare him away. I’ll think about it. I’ll let you know how the date goes.”

“Sure, Bambi. I’m glad I could help.”

“When are you coming back?”

Should you tell him the truth and plan to see him on Monday so you will have to go under the torture of hearing him tell you about his crush live?

“Next week. I don’t know… I’m… I’ll see.”

You heard him hum through the phone. You could tell he was skeptical regarding your answer.

“You’re not working this week?”

Fuck. You didn’t think everything through. You do work next week. You’re a terrible liar… And a terrible friend, for what it’s worth.

“Ah.. yes. Well, I don’t know yet. I mean… I might call in sick… or something.”

“You suck at lying.”

His tone was dry. He hates lies. Especially coming from you. He found out that he could trust you with anything and you could trust him too, so why would you have to lie?

“Yeah, I know.”

“What’s going on, Y/N?”

“Nothing. Just going through some personal shit.”

“You’ve been bloody distant, avoiding my calls, not answering my texts, pushing away every proposition to see each other and now you’re lying to me about coming back to London. I hate this.”

“Look, Harry, it’s okay. I just have to figure some shit out and then everything will be back to normal. I have to go. Good night.”

You hung up quickly, before he could say anything. You tucked yourself in bed and spent the night overthinking. You needed to be over with this. You had to. You needed to woman up and stop being so immature or you would lose your best friend.

Fuck the pain of rejection, and hearing him say he doesn’t love you like this. You need to tell him so you can move on. It’s the only way. If he tells you, right to your face, that he’s not in love with you then you’d get over it. So if that’s what it takes, you would just face him. You fell asleep trying to picture how the conversation would go and every time you’d break down…

When you woke up in the morning, you expected to see a few texts from Harry but when you checked your phone, nothing. You felt a pinch in your heart. He was probably mad at you. You’ve been ignoring him, you lied to him, then pushed him away and hung up on him. You’ve been a terrible friend. You needed to apologize. Harry has never been nothing but amazing to you. He didn’t deserve to be treated this way because you can’t control your feelings. You started typing something on your phone but stopped yourself. It would be better to apologize face to face.

You packed your clothes and had breakfast with your family. You kissed your ma goodbye and headed to the train station.

***

It was already Wednesday and you still had no news from Harry. You felt so guilty. You sent him a text asking him when he was free so you could see each other and he didn’t answer yet. You sent it on Monday. You decided to try your luck again and called him yesterday. Still no answer. You were worried about him and about your friendship. You just hated yourself that you messed up one of the best relationships you ever had. You tried to get him out of your mind. So you went out for a walk.

You didn’t work on Wednesday afternoons, so you strolled around the busy streets of London, picked up a bagel and went to eat it on a bench in Hyde Park. You pulled your phone out of your pocket and typed in a message for Harry.

Hey Bambi… I’m eating a bagel in Hyde Park I’ll be there until 4 if you want to stop by. I’ll be at the old bench by the pond

the ducks are missing u (i am too)

An hour passed and you still had no answer. You pulled your phone every two seconds checking for a notification and nothing… It was almost 4. Maybe you truly ruined it. You scrolled a last time through Instagram, your eyes focusing on the images streaming down your screen. You felt someone sit beside you. You didn’t look up but you saw the shoes of the person sitting next to you. You felt warmer and safer. You unconsciously smiled.

“Hey.”

You raised your head to look at him. He was wearing a black hoodie, a pink beanie and sunglasses. Camouflage required in the middle of London.

“Hey.” Your voice was soft. You didn’t look at him, you felt so guilty.

“So… How’s that bagel?”

You knew he was just beating around the bush, being his usual self and avoiding confrontation. But he came, that meant that he wanted to break things down.

“Nice. It’s… Nice.” You breathed a second. “How are you?”

He pinched his lips and raised his eyebrows, faking a reflection. “Well my best friend ignored me for weeks, lied to me about coming back in London and then acted like nothing happened by sending me a bunch of memes.” He looked at you. “So I guess I could be better. What about you?”

You looked down in shame. You’ve been a fucked up friend, for sure.

“I… I’m sorry, Harry. It’s just-” You looked in his eyes and you felt the wave of heat taking over your body. You hated this feeling so much. His stare set you on fire. You just wanted to kiss him sorry. To melt between his fingertips. You tried to gain some composure. “It’s just… I’m going through a weird phase and I don’t really know how to deal with it. I’m sorry I ignored you. I just needed to be alone.”

His glare intensified. You stammered a little bit before keeping up with your apology.

“And..uh… I…. I’m… I’m sorry I lied about coming back. I just… I didn’t really know.. I don’t really know, actually.. Why I did that. I’m a dumbass.”

You heard a giggle fall from his lips and the tension you felt in the back of your neck eased.

“Yeah, you are.”

You turned your head to him and smiled. “I know.” You pinched your lips before a pout appeared on your face. “Am I forgiven?”

He sighed loudly as he reached out his arms to place it around your shoulder. “I can’t stay mad too long at my little Milkie, can I?”

You swooned in his arms, giving him the fondest look. Your head fell on his shoulder and you gazed at him through your lashes. He was beautiful, kind, funny, smart… God, he was just so bloody amazing. But he wasn’t yours. No matter how much you wanted him. You decided to hurt yourself a little bit. Get a sting of reality. Your pain kink took over, probably.

“So tell me about your date?” You smiled softly, a painful look in your eyes.

“Hm… Well, it went well. He’s really cool. I like him.”

You swallowed a nervous laugh before biting your lower lip. He liked him. Fuck, he liked him. Not you.

“Ah that’s cool… I’m glad it went well…”

He smiled at you, his dimples popping out, leaving your body sore from how much you wanted to kiss him.

“So…” You raised your head at him, looking for his eyes. “How about a movie night? Tomorrow?”

He rubbed the back of his neck with the palm of his hand and offered a sorry look. You already knew what that meant.

“Can’t tomorrow. I’m seeing Lucas.”

“Who’s Lucas?”

“My date.” He smiled fondly. You felt your heart sink. The way he smiled just hurt. Because you were not the one he thought about when he smiled like this. You’d never be.

You felt a burning sensation in the depth of your abdomen. You wanted to scream. Scream and shout because you knew he would never love you like this. No matter how much you loved him. And fuck, that hurts.

“Okay.” He probably could hear the pain in your voice. But you just couldn’t hide it.

You got up from the bench, leaving a confused stare on Harry’s face.

“Well, I- I have to go. I guess I’ll see you around.”

Harry got up. He grasped your wrist gently and turn you around to face him.

“Is everything okay?”

You looked at him and faked a smile. “Absolutely. Everything’s okay. I just have a shit ton of things to do. And… I mean, I’ll call you Bambi.”

He let go of your wrist. And just stared at you for a second. “Okay, Milkie.”

You gave him a last smile before going, the tears streaming down your face as you walked as quickly as you could.

***

You were sprawled on the couch. Your oversized sweatshirt covered half of your body while the other stayed bare. Your computer played the movie A Star Is Born and your fingers were picking Maltesers from the bowl sitting next to you. Your mind was everywhere except on the movie. Actually… It was on Harry. Of course, it always was. It was supposed to be your movie night… But it’s more like ‘overthinking your feelings for your best friend while binging a shameful amount of junk food night’. Was it that bad? No? Junk food is like a remedy for the soul. You always feel better when there’s chocolate… You always feel better when there’s Harry…

It was already past 10. Harry was probably on his date. Laughing, smiling shyly, batting his beautiful eyelashes, and telling stupid jokes to get his date to laugh. And they’d probably go out of the restaurant hand in hand and kiss at his door. Smiling and playing with each others’ fingertips. God.. You needed to get him out of your mind.

But it hurt that he chose his date over you. He did. Didn’t he?

You spent the next half hour trying to convince yourself it was just to be polite that he chose to go to his date instead of spending his night with you. Truth was, he just wanted to be there… Because he liked him.

You got up from the couch looking for a refill of your bowl. When your bare feet touched the cold wooden floor, you felt a shiver down your spine. The rain was pouring on the large windows in your apartment making the floor look like an art piece with the shadows of the drops dancing on the floor. You watched them for a second.

You jumped when you heard a knock on the door. Who the hell could it be this late? You had an idea and you truly wished you were right.

You walked towards the door and looked through the peephole, missing a heartbeat at the glimpse of the person standing behind it. You slowly opened the door.

“Hey.”

Harry smiled at you, his jacket soaked and his hair glued to his forehead. You invited him to come in. You didn't say a word for a while. Just took his jacket off, sat him on the couch and gave him a towel.

“Is everything okay?”

Why was he here? Was his date a creep? Did he miss you? Was he just bored?

He looked at you with a smile, ran a hand through his hair.

“Everything’s okay. I just…” He breathed for a second. “I felt wrong about… Missing movie night. You know? It’s our night.”

He beamed at you softly and your heart swooned. You loved him. God how much you loved him. Fuck how much you loved him.

“Oh… That’s sweet…” You grabbed the glass of wine you left on the counter. “But what about your date?”

He grinned widely. “Oh it was great. I just… Left early.”

You kinda hoped it hadn’t went well, but he seemed sincere. You had to go through it.

Harry pressed the towel over his hair, and neck. You watched him take his shirt off. You couldn’t even watch him. You’d probably come on the spot. How stupid. You saw him get undressed a million times but now it was different. You wished you could run your fingers against his skin, press soft kisses on his jaw, draw his tattoos with your hands, touch his hair, taste his lips. Everything you couldn’t do.

He gave you a confused look and a chuckle fell from his mouth. “You know you already saw me naked, right?”

You giggled softly. Maybe you should just tell him now. And get over it. Be like ‘So Harry I’m in love with you. Break my heart now.’ or maybe you could say ‘Bambi I want to be more than friends but it’s cool if you don’t want to I’ll just cry for a week or two.’ Well maybe you should just go for it in real, instead of playing this shit inside of your mind for the hundredth time.

“Bambi, can I talk to you?”

He looked up from his shoes that he was taking off.

He kicked it to the side, and stared at you. How could you focus when he’s shirtless, wearing light jeans and barefoot? The intimacy and ease you crave so much is right there. You just wish you could cross the line.

“Yeah sure. What’s up Milkie?”

You took a long breath before stepping in front of him, tugging on your sweatshirt. You coughed before talking.

“So…” You inhaled loudly. “I…” You were pretty much shaking. It was frightening and like the calm before the storm or in your case before the heartbreak, you needed a bit reassurance.

Harry stood up and gently grabbed your wrists in his hands, tilted his head to the side to look at you.

“Hey… Everything’s okay. It’s me.”

Well yes, it’s him, duh. That’s the reason why you’re freaking out. You gazed up at him and breathed again.

“I love you.”

You stepped away for a second, analyzing his reaction. The moment you saw him open his mouth to talk, you stammered a word, not letting him put one out.

“But it’s okay. I mean, I love you. It’s kinda fucked up. It’s like…”

You chuckled nervously.

“Being in love with your best friend, it’s just a weird thing. I don’t really know how it happened. I mean… Maybe it’s that night you pretended I was your girlfriend and it… Just felt right, you know? I mean… No you don’t know.”

Another giggle left your mouth. Harry was standing in front of you, watching you rambling over and over.

“Like… That’s pretty much why I was acting so weird. I don’t… It’s just a phase. Like… I’m gonna get over it. It’s not like I’m watching you and I want to kiss you or anything. I mean I do. But… No. It’s like… Oh that’s my friend Harry, Bambi, and yeah, I’m like in love with him… But not too much.”

You bit your lip and ran a hand through your hair. “Does that make sense?”

He looked at you with a smirk plastered on his face and his eyes were trying to decode you.

“Okay that doesn’t make any sense. I’m sorry… It was all a joke. Happy April Fools.”

You heard him chuckle and he pinched his lips. His eyes never leaving your face.

“I guess It’s okay. It was not such a good joke.”

You looked down and you felt him approach you. He raised your chin with his fingers.

“Are you done?” He whispered softly against your face.

“I guess.”

“So you’re gonna shut up now?”

You laughed nervously and nodded, you still couldn’t look at him.

“Can I say something?”

You felt his fingertips stroke your chin gently and you hummed for an answer.

“Will you look at me, Y/N?”

You glanced at him for a second and realized his grin never faded away.

“It’s okay. I think I knew, actually.”

Your eyes widened. “You knew?”

His whisper brushed the skin of your cheek. “I knew.” His voice went up and a chuckle left his lips. “You’re not really good at hiding your feelings, are ya?”

You hide a smile. You were definitely not. “No..”

He cupped your face with his hands and murmured, “Can I kiss you?”

You felt your blood rush through your veins. You didn’t think about anything. Your brain literally shut off. You had a hard time breathing. It was like a dream. You just nodded for an answer. But your eyes they were begging. Begging him to kiss you. To touch you. To never leave you.

His face was inches away from yours and when his lips pressed softly against yours, you felt like flying. They were soft and tasted like champagne. You closed your eyes for an instant.

And when you opened them, he was standing there, on the couch, pulling his shoes off, looking at you through his wet hair.

“So what is it that you want to talk to me about?”

You felt like sinking, like crashing on the ground. He raised his chest up, his tattoos were glistening because of the water. You could see a bit of worry in his eyes. “Everything’s okay, Milkie?”

You looked at him, your eyes shimmering because of the few tears gathering at the corners.

“Yeah…” You fake coughed. “Everything’s okay. I’m just lucky you’re my friend.”

[hana-bean]

Ayumi Hamasaki Picks:  A Song for ×× era (1998-1999)

I’ll admit, I avoided A Song for ×× like COVID for way, way too long. Her vocals were hard to adapt to if you had only heard her I am... material and beyond. I personally found her voice high and squeaky; seemingly years and miles away from the Ayu I was introduced to at 14 years of age in 2002. There were a few tracks in their remix form I was able to stomach but otherwise, this album was an Ayumi I didn’t care to know. In fact, you’ll notice on most of these tracks I note that I prefer remixes over originals.

Within the last couple of years, I listened to this album in its entirety and ultimately fell in love. I realized now how important this debut is in considering and appreciating where Ayu started. Yes her sound is relatively high-pitched and un-Western, but it’s endearing AF. This album is able to span both sides of various spectrums: fun and sad, innocent and experienced, light-hearted and heartfelt. It exudes such a compelling, youthful perspective of love and heartbreak that I can’t help but empathize with it. Honestly, I don’t think I would feel the same emotions if this album was recorded with a more mature, older voice.

---

Rating system:

☆☆☆☆ Love - play this at my funeral ☆☆☆ Like - skippable, but still good ☆☆ Meh - this does nothing for me ☆ Hate - I’ve only listened to this once just to confirm I hated it (⭒ you might see these little guys pop up from time to time, which represent a half star because I can’t make up my damned mind)

For a couple of tracks I give two different ratings because sometimes a remixed version is better than the original.

---

A Song for ×× album tracks

Track 1: “Prologue” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like It’s a prelude. Not the best or worst, but a good one.

Track 2: “A Song for ××” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love Are you really even an Ayu fan if you don’t like this song? Kidding! But seriously, I think it’s safe to say that this is a very, very important song to Ayumi; if the number of its live performances aren’t an indicator, the drama from even watching one is enough to move you. One of my favorite live performances ever is from her A Museum tour—the a cappella beginning of the first verse and bridge lures you in and forces you to listen, for her only to then blow you away with the booming orchestral intensity of the chorus. GAH! Fuck me up, Ayu!

Her ��030213 Session #2 Take” re-recording of it on the A BALLADS compilation album provides a more organic, and arguably more powerful listening experience. Though she is older, you still can hear the strength of her despair. Her loneliness and strong façade hasn’t left, but has only changed and grew up with her.

The “Ferry Corsten Chilled Mix” from her first ayu trance album is also a total vibe. Great remix.

Track 3: “Hana” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like I’d file this one under: “the remixes are better than the original.” I mean the original is still a good listen, but the “dub’s trance remix” and acoustic orchestra version give it more oomph and dimension respectively (both are found on the first ayu-mi-x compilation). The lyrics reflect a fear of the relative unknown, or rather, a fear of growing, only to wilt or get stepped on. And I love how her considerably sad and pensive lyrics are backed with lively arrangements; it’s one of the many things I love about her music.

Track 4: “FRIEND” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love This 👏🏼 song 👏🏼 is 👏🏼 underrated 👏🏼 OMG do I love this song, it’s so fucking wholesome. This track was the one which truly solidified my love for ASf××. Like if this had a music video, I can totally see it popping up on the Disney channel back in the late ‘90s with Ayu dancing at a beach carnival in a pair of Keds or something. Though this song is not devoid of sadness, there is a bit of hope to it, and it’s just simply, super pure. It’s definitely a personal fave. 

Track 5: “FRIEND II” Rating: ☆☆ Meh It’s forgettable... I’m having a hard time trying to remember how it goes. I’m sure if I heard it, I’d be like “Ohhhh yeah!” but my mind is only broken picture links rn.

Okay I’ve listened to it and for some reason I get “Song 4 u” vibes like the very beginning guitar riff sounds like the “S4u” chorus, and even the build to the “FII” chorus is similar, I almost expect “S4u” sung over this. At least she copied herself LOL I mean it’s not a terrible song, but the first FRIEND is the better FRIEND.

Track 6: “poker face” Rating: ☆☆ Meh Yes it’s her first single ev4r so like, it’s all important and shit. But I feel there are better tracks on this album which easily eclipse the song. Though it fits in well with the album as a whole. Perhaps as a single compared to only “FRIEND” it holds its own but honestly, just it being Ayu’s debut song is really the only reason why I even remember it.

Track 7: “Wishing” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like I believe this is the first (and only) slow ballad that pops up on the album, and also believe this was a good foundation laid for the rest of the slow ballads of her career. This song showcases the youth and yearn of her voice very well. Does anyone know if she has even performed this song live?

Track 8: “YOU” Rating: ☆☆ Meh (original); ☆☆☆☆ Love (”Aggressive Mix”) I’ll be real: this original track is boring. Though the “Aggressive Mix” on the first ayu-ro mix album slaps for years and I don’t even really care for Eurobeat. The “FINE MIX” on the ayu-mi-x album is also pretty groovy with that—albeit slow—reggae vibe. I’d argue any remix of this song gives it way more personality and likability. 

Confession time: back when cosplay shows at cons were just like a mishmash of skits planned the day of and walk-ons, I thought about actually doing some kind of one-woman interpretive dance to the “Aggressive Mix.” It never happened so you’re welcome. 

Track 9: “As if...” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like This is just a good bop. I love the fake-out beginning of the slow piano and then: !!!TATOEBA!!!

Also I really appreciate the bass during the verses, like it goes ~BUM BUM~ every four counts and it’s just something nice and subtle which contributes positively to the song.

Track 10: “POWDER SNOW” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like (original); ☆☆☆☆ Love (acoustic orchestra) Three words: acoustic orchestra version. Are y’all seeing the pattern here? But seriously, this song supported by the simplicity of a haunting piano completely changes the mood of this song for the better. I will agree that the original arrangement has a great buildup, but it doesn’t compare to the emotion of the acoustic version.

Also, do any of you fellow old people remember Kazaa? When I was Ayu-curious, I was looking for random songs to download and the acoustic orchestra version of “POWDER SNOW” was one of the first songs I ever downloaded (maybe that plays into my bias). 

Honestly, now that I think about it, it might have been Morpheus at the time...

Track 11: “Trust” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like Also one of the first songs I ever heard from Ayu, so I like it for nostalgic reasons. Otherwise I would have relegated this to the ‘meh’ pile. 

This is one of the first Japanese songs I ever learned to sing, so I gotta give credit to my 14-year-old self.

Track 12: “Depend on you” Rating: ☆⭒ M— (I don’t hate it, but don’t not hate it enough to warrant the full ‘Meh’) This song is overrated :D The only good thing to come from this single is “Two of us.” Next! 

Track 13: SIGNAL Rating: ☆☆⭒ Meh-eh? Well...? It’s a good track, I respect it. Not as memorable as the other songs but it fits well in the album. A good filler song.

Track 14: “from your letter” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like The very beginning with the snaps and twinkly sounds are pretty cool. The song is enjoyable and calls for some shoulder moving at least. There was a remix on AHS a long time ago by sleeperspaceborn which was pretty damned good, and in fact made me like this song. 

Track 15: “For My Dear...” Rating: ☆☆☆⭒ Like Like  Here for the drama and the high notes, shoot it straight into my bloodstream and do not resuscitate. The Acoustic Version is also a great remix, I love how she sounds like she’s screaming over the piano and guitar.

Track 16: “Present” Rating: ☆☆ Meh Like “FRIEND II” I can’t remember this song...

Ah there it is! *proceeds to forget again*

Non-album tracks:

“Two of us” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love I absolutely l-o-v-e this song right down to the cheesy, slow dance prom-y feel to it. Hell, even the “touch of mahogany mix” is one of the best remixes; I dare you not to at least bob your head when you hear it. This song can only be found on the Depend on You single and it’s a damn shame it didn’t make it to the ASf×× album. However maybe this can be considered her first slow ballad... but again, solid foundation. The lyrics are once again so pain-ridden and sorrowful, but then when you hear it against that funky rhythm on the “touch of mahogany mix,” you can’t help but submit to the dissonance of snapping along while in tears.

Also Xelakad provided an ah-mazing remix of this song on AHS a while back too. It seriously turns this song into a spiritual experience.

---

Average era rating: ☆☆☆ Like

If I could describe this album in two words, they would be: cohesive and precious. Yes her lyrics reflect hurt, rejection, and cynicism, but against the pop rock beats and her high voice, the album maintains an element of innocence. I believe it was a strong and consistent debut relative to her discography, as we are introduced to a young and weary Ayu who’s uncertain about the future, of love, of herself... *le sigh*

But let’s tie everything up in a nice pretty bow. For the list of Ayu’s creative bests, the common denominator is how much I really loved the drama and uniqueness of the tracks. Given that Ayu’s music style quickly evolved after this album, we conceivably don’t and won’t hear any songs like these ever again, and that’s why they’re just special.

The ‘Loves’ (only in order of track listing): A Song for ×× FRIEND POWDER SNOW (Acoustic Orchestra) YOU “Aggressive Mix” Two of us

Ayu’s creative bests: A Song for ×× POWDER SNOW (Acoustic Orchestra) For My Dear... Two of us

***

Credits: -Album art from Wikipedia -Concert screenshots from eneabba.net/ayu

Disclaimer: this post is solely my personal view and opinion. I am a Westerner with no fluency in Japanese, and so my viewpoint is shaped from English translations provided by ahsforum.com and all the feels from years of daily listening.

[ezragold]

With a Little Help from My Friends

A/N: Happy last-day-of-Pegoryu-week! Let’s celebrate by reading... day 2′s prompt... No one ever said I was good at preparing things, okay. AO3 link: [here]

Day 2: First Date

Title: With a Little Help from My Friends

Rating: Teen

Summary: Ryuji has successfully asked Akira out! Now if only he could figure out something special for them to do. All of his ideas just feel like their every day routine, and he’s pulling his hair out trying to come up with a way to make it special. All of the thieves seem to have their own ideas of the perfect date, 90% of which are entirely unhelpful, as Ryuji soon realizes.

[ THURSDAY, 6:50PM ]

crossbonez is online

crossbonez has entered The Dungeon of Unspeakable Acts

crossbonez: GUYS I NEED HELP

crossbonez: ALSO WTF WHO CHANGED THE CHANNEL NAME

palette-cleanser: There’s no need to yell about it.

crossbonez: YOU CAN’T HEAR ME SMARTASS

killerqueen: Futaba renamed it and I can’t figure out how to change it back. What’s wrong?

memejed: me! muahaha!!!! you’ll never figure out how to change it back!

memejed: boo makoto types too fast :(

palette-cleanser: Futaba, naturally.

palette-cleanser: Oh.

memejed: lmaooooo

crossbonez: ok ok is akira in this chat??

yougimmethecrepes: I mean technically

yougimmethecrepes: but I think he’s had this channel muted for like a month

killerqueen: Understandable.

crossbonez: o sick

crossbonez: OK SO I ASKED HIM OUT AND I NEED ADVICE

yougimmethecrepes: OMG RYUJI

memejed: GHIDNDOSKFHSKX WHAAAAT

killerqueen: !

yougimmethecrepes: DID HE SAY YES??

palette-cleanser: My most heartfelt congratulations!

crossbonez: of course he said yes wtf guys

crossbonez: why wouldn’t he, i’m a catch

memejed: so’s a big ol slimy fish

memejed: its perspective

crossbonez: can we ban her?

killerqueen: She’s the room admin.

memejed: IM ADMIN MY CITY NOW

memejed: HECK how do u type so much faster than me????

crossbonez: OH MY GOD CAN WE FOCUS ON ME PLEASE

palette-cleanser: something tells me you wouldn’t allow us the chance to do anything different.

yougimmethecrepes: go ahead Ryuji, what’s up?

crossbonez: i didn’t think about what we should do on the date so i kinda panicked when he asked and told him i had everything taken care of but i don’t

crossbonez: ive never taken care of anything in my life

crossbonez: please help yall know im not smart

yougimmethecrepes: omg THAT’S what ur worried about??? HOE ur best friend is a dating expert. I gotchu

crossbonez: lmfao ann youve never been on a date

yougimmethecrepes: maybe not

yougimmethecrepes: but i have seen so many romcoms

crossbonez: oooooo my god Kill me

crossbonez: wait holy shit have any of you even been on a date before

crossbonez: NOW YOU ALL STOP TYPING

crossbonez: this is the worst i hate my life

yougimmethecrepes: yusuke if you say anything about painting my nude as a date i’ll block you

palette-cleanser: There was that time when Ann came to the old studio in order for me to paint her portrait.

palette-cleanser: It was already half-written when you sent that.

yougimmethecrepes: OHHH MY GOD

palette-cleanser: I didn’t want to just let the reply go to waste.

yougimmethecrepes: BLOCKED

palette-cleanser: :(

killerqueen: Okay.

killerqueen: I’ll DM you, Ryuji.

crossbonez: oh thank god

[ THURSDAY, 7:04 PM ]  

[ killerqueen has sent you a message! ]

killerqueen: Firstly,

killerqueen: good for you, asking out Akira! That was really brave. How did it go, if that’s not too intrusive?

crossbonez: fine I think?? morgana kept cockblocking me but he got bored of watching us watch bad movies and left so

crossbonez: i just kinda

crossbonez: asked

crossbonez: and he said yeah

crossbonez: so now im dead and going thru w the date is my hell

killerqueen: Okay, relax. Obviously he wouldn’t have said yes to the date if he wasn’t already interested, so you already have that going for you! The worst part is done.

killerqueen: All you have to do now is think of something special for the two of you to do together.

crossbonez: yeah that’s basically the part where my brain stops

killerqueen: Fair. What’s your budget?

crossbonez: uhhhhhh

crossbonez: uhhhhhhhhhhh

killerqueen: Ryuji.

crossbonez: is free an option

killerqueen: Oh, god. Okay.

killerqueen: I didn’t realize you hadn’t planned for this in… any capacity.

crossbonez: OF COURSE I HAVENT ITS LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME

crossbonez: I DIDNT THINK OF THE MONEY THING OK

crossbonez: I WAS SORT OF FOCUSED ON NOT THROWING UP ON HIM AS I ASKED

killerqueen: Message received.

killerqueen: I’ll see if there’s anything cheap going on in the city this weekend.

crossbonez: thank you ugh

crossbonez: was this a bad idea

killerqueen: Asking out Akira? No, of course not.

crossbonez: sigh

killerqueen: Lying to Akira about having the entire thing prepared and planned out? Yes, without a doubt.

crossbonez: COOL THANKS MOM 

crossbonez: GOD

[ crossbonez left the conversation. ]

 [ THURSDAY, 7:29PM ]

[ palette-cleanser sent you a message! ]

palette-cleanser: Are you still taking advice for your date?

crossbonez: the answer is technically yes but i can’t say i’ve reached the point in my life where i’m ready to take dating advice from you

palette-cleanser: I shall try and keep my advice more general, then.

crossbonez: just don’t say the word beauty

palette-cleanser: You should consider the benefit of surrounding yourselves with beautiful things. I can only imagine a relationship increasing in intensity when the couple is surrounded by overwhelming beauty.

palette-cleanser: In my defense, my reply was half-written when you posted yours.

crossbonez: what the hell would overwhelming beauty even be man

crossbonez: am i sposed to find out which flower gives him boners like what am i doing here

palette-cleanser: that is up to you! And Akira, I suppose.

palette-cleanser: I was, of course, referring to your beautiful surroundings being up to you. Akira getting an erection is less-so in your hands.

palette-cleaner: …I did not mean for that to become a double-entendre but I suppose that’s also appropriate to your situation.

crossbonez: hoo boy you are this close to my block list lemme tell ya

palette-cleanser: Please don’t, my contact list is very short as it is.

palette-cleanser: Back to the topic at hand,

crossbonez: yeah plz

palette-cleanser: What are some things that Akira finds beautiful?

crossbonez: man i don’t know

crossbonez: uhh

crossbonez: good coffee

crossbonez: big ass cheeseburgers

crossbonez: cats probably

crossbonez: hes got a risette poster in his room but i think that’s less because shes hot and more because someone gave it to him and he was too nice to throw it out

palette-cleanser: None of that sounds particularly beautiful…

crossbonez: OH WOW DOES IT NOT

crossbonez: REALLY

palette-cleanser: There is no need to raise your typeface at me.

crossbonez: sjdjcickgmsoakfb

palette-cleanser: ?

crossbonez: nothing dont worry abt it

crossbonez: im gonna go see if i can buy something beautiful for ¥200 

palette-cleanser: Many beautiful things in life are free.

crossbonez: you got an example to go with that inspirational quote?

crossbonez: duuuude?

palette-cleanser: I appear to be losing connection

crossbonez: oh my god dude

palette-cleanser: I can hardly read what you’re writing

crossbonez: thats not how that would even work

crossbonez: i cant tell if ur trolling me or not

[ palette-cleanser has left the conversation. ]

 [ THURSDAY, 7:49PM ] 

[ yougimmethecrepes has replied to your message! ]

crossbonez: plz tell me ur just invisible

crossbonez: ur my one last hope and god is that saying something about how my standards have fallen

yougimmethecrepes: doing homework

yougimmethecrepes: you still peeing your pants over date night?

crossbonez: you still willing to give bad advice?

yougimmethecrepes: imagine me swiping all of my school work off my desk onto my floor because if my math grade didn’t ride on this I would have done that

crossbonez: aight

yougimmethecrepes: also my advice is fantastic shut up

yougimmethecrepes: okay, lets start easy. What’s the budget?

crossbonez: im in high school and not a part time model

crossbonez: my budget is negative

yougimmethecrepes: ooooh

yougimmethecrepes: got it

yougimmethecrepes: arcade? you can just use small change and stuff

crossbonez: we go there ALL THE TIME thats not a date

crossbonez: that’s like going to the ramen shop or something

yougimmethecrepes: uh……batting cages? Movie?

crossbonez: i cant ask him on a date and then just do shit we do normally! how is that a date???

yougimmethecrepes: How is it not a date?? You guys always have fun doing that, how is it less fun on a date

yougimmethecrepes: OH WAIT NO I got it

yougimmethecrepes: bathhouse

crossbonez: shut up no

yougimmethecrepes: hey, it’s not my fault you gave this absolutely no thought whatsoever

crossbonez: UGH I KNOW

crossbonez: WHY IS THIS HARD

yougimmethecrepes: I KEEP TELLING YOU THAT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE

yougimmethecrepes: YOU’RE MAKING THIS A PROBLEM

[ crossbonez has left the conversation. ]

 [ THURSDAY, 8:25 PM ] 

[ memejed sent you a message! ]

crossbonez: no

memejed: before you say anything

memejed: jdcjdjnfdkdkf

memejed: dammit how do all of you type so fast

memejed: it’s like I don’t even know myself any more

memejed: is it my tiny hands

crossbonez: i do not want dating advice from you

memejed: well then it’s a good thing I don’t have any for you then ISNT IT

memejed: I just wanted to tell you that Akira just got home and he’s smiling a lot and it’s gross and weird and most likely your fault, so

crossbonez: oh that’s

crossbonez: nice to hear thank you jhgjfyjuh

memejed: he just told sojiro about the date and sojiro offered to grab him condoms hahAHAAHAH

crossbonez: OH MY GOD

crossbonez: DONT TELL ME THAT SHIT

memejed: IM ACTUALLY GONNA CHOKE LOLLL

crossbonez: I HOPE SO

memejed: >:(

memejed: I don’t even get why youre so nervous he’s obviously out of his mind happy to go out with you

memejed: whatever you guys do he’ll be down

memejed: just don’t do any stupid shit like try and show off or act like a tool

memejed: which I realize may seem daunting for you

memejed: but I believe u may have it in you, maybe

crossbonez: I just have no idea what to do without us doing the same shit as always

memejed: whats wrong with doing the stuff you guys always do? Routine is comfy

memejed: comfort is the enemy of anxiety

memejed: well, comfy, and a good pair of sweatpants

memejed: *and valium

crossbonez: you dont think he would mind doing shit we do all the time?

memejed: oh my god are ALL boys as stupid as you??? how has the species survived for so long

memejed: just hold his hand or something and he’d let you push him in front of the subway!! Like, that probably shouldn’t be your go to option, but just

memejed: he ALREADY likes you. you don’t need to impress him or anything

memejed: consider yourself lucky, because like, idk how you swung that

crossbonez: I agree with you too much to get mad at that

crossbonez: wow

crossbonez: akira agreed to go out with me, you gave me advice that wasnt steaming dog shit

crossbonez: maybe i should buy a lottery ticket lmao

memejed: LMAO ur luck stat isn’t THAT high yet

memejed: see if sojiro comes through w the condoms first

crossbonez: okay and NOW im leaving

memejed: BE SAFE!!

[ crossbonez has left the conversation. ]

 [ THURSDAY, 9:22 PM ]  

[ HaruOkumura sent you a message! ]

HaruOkumura: Good, you’re still online! 

crossbonez: hahaha what happened to ur screenname?

HaruOkumura: The company’s social media adviser suggested I change it for professional purposes………..

crossbonez: lame

HaruOkumura: Yes apparently “BigBangIsPeople” is not an appropriate username for the incoming CEO of Okumura Foods.

HaruOkumura: I thought it was funny :(

HaruOkumura: But anyway! I’m glad you’re still online! Makoto texted me and told me about yours and Akira’s date and I wanted to say congratulations and I’m so happy for you!

crossbonez: thanks! tell makoto to quit snitchin tho

HaruOkumura: Will do! I just wanted to talk because Makoto said you were very stressed out and seemed sort of unprepared

crossbonez: im okay now i think

crossbonez: futaba helped me out

crossbonez: weirdly

crossbonez: i mean im still sweating all over myself and the idea of actually meeting up with akira for the date in question makes me want to gag but :) im fine

HaruOkumura: oh my :o

HaruOkumura: Have you decided what the two of you will do?

crossbonez: yeeaaahhhh i got some ideas i think?

HaruOkumura: I do as well!! Would you like to hear them?

crossbonez: hey i am always up for not thinking

HaruOkumura: That’s great!! Okay, what is your budget currently?

crossbonez: gkhskdfkjlghlrihvoirhgiu

crossbonez: kjghsiuergtiughpijiuprughtuislrhgiulth

HaruOkumura: Uhm?

crossbonez: I THINK IM GOOD LMAO THX HARU

HaruOkumura: Oh youre welcome! Let us know how it goes!

crossbonez: yeah sure if i dont die first!

[ crossbonez has left the conversation. ]

 [ SATURDAY, 02:41 AM ] 

[ JokersWild sent you a message! ]

JokersWild: Hey

JokersWild: I know youre probably asleep because it’s like fuck o clock in the morning and why wouldn’t you be

JokersWild: But I cant sleep because I made myself some antianxiety coffee when I got home haha

JokersWild: (futaba calls it estresso but I can’t call it that because it’s so clever it makes me mad I didn’t think of it first)

JokersWild: but I had a really good time tonight

JokersWild: and you seemed kind of worried all night so I wanted you to know that

JokersWild: and idek if you were worried because of us(?) or if there was something else going on and now I just seem like kind of an asshole for assuming it was about me

JokersWild: but whether it was or it wasn’t I had fun

JokersWild: and

JokersWild: I’m really happy you asked me out

JokersWild: and just…… you don’t need advice from anyone on how to like

JokersWild: woo me yknow?

JokersWild: I had notifications turned off but the number of messages in the group chat kept ticking up so I lurked for a second

JokersWild: I don’t know what anyone ended up telling you but you didn’t need it

JokersWild: you don’t have to impress me. I ALREADY like you.

JokersWild: so, that’s that

JokersWild: this coffee is very strong and obviously my inhibitions are non existent right now so I’m going to bed before this turns into a confession

JokersWild: or more of one

JokersWild: lets, like, do this again? I want to keep doing this with you

[ JokersWild has left the conversation. ]

 [ SATURDAY, 02:54 AM ] 

[ JokersWild sent you a message! ]

JokersWild: also oh my god thank you for not freaking the fuck out when that condom fell out of my jacket I SWEAR TO YOU I did not put it there and when I find out who did I am going to unmake them

JokersWild: okay goodnight

[ JokersWild has left the conversation. ]

[imaginetonyandbucky]

And Still, You’re Next To Me - Chapter 4/4

Once Bucky stopped freaking out about his relapse, he noticed the only one freaking out was him. No shrieks of horror from the civilians, no glares from the Avengers…Wanda was even smiling at him for fuck’s sake! He knew the Soldier wouldn’t listen to that agent, no matter how many trigger words he had in store for them. Murder’s just not in his nature anymore. He knew, but still freaked about it because in all honesty, he expected Clint to riddle him with arrows the second he snapped into the Soldier.

And then there was Tony, who witnessed the Soldier in his new element many times by now and wasn’t fazed by him coming to the surface at all.

So it took a failed HYDRA attack for Bucky to realize a lot of…interesting things. Concerning Tony. He can’t sleep through the entire night after the attack, mulling over the revelation and devising his next move.

The Avengers beat him to it during breakfast.

Steve approaches him first, apologizing for not supporting him more in the past few months.

Being half-way through his sandwich, he doesn’t really know what to say, completely caught off guard by his absolutely devastated looking best friend so he just nods and waves him off.

“S’not a big deal.”

“Yes it is!” he widens his eyes and keeps apologizing for the remainder of his meal until Bucky finally persuades him it’s fine and forgiven.

Because it is. Since Tony subtly inserted himself in between him and the Avengers’ bullshit – quite literally like a knight in the shining armor – Bucky decided not to dwell too much on it anymore. Of course it hurt. And it was so unfair on so many levels. But with Tony in charge of damage control, the Avengers were slowly coming around and he also shifted his demeanor onto the positive side as a result.

Natasha whips around the corner at one point, giving him a challenging look. “I was a real bitch to you. Wanna spar after lunch and kick my ass for it?”

“Uh…,” he frowns and her look intensifies a hundred fold which is just damn scary. “Yeah, sure.

“Cool,” she nods in approval and disappears again.

One by one, the other members approach him to say sorry – each in their own specific way. Except for Wanda, who is probably not in the apologizing stage quite yet, but at least she’s not all up in his business anymore.

And then there’s Clint, who mandrops on him from the vent in the hallway leading to the elevator some time later.

“Yo, Barnes!”

He’s lucky Bucky doesn’t scare easily these days. No need to let him know that he caught him completely by surprise though. God forbid he’d grow an ego. “Lemme guess. You wanna say sorry by…challenging me to a cook off. Oh wait, no. That was Vision. So, what are we gon’ do?”

Clint’s the surprised one now. He takes a step back and squints. “Guess I’m the last one, huh? Well, I was thinking I’d take you on a tour de Compound, show you all the secret paths and hideaways so we could do some serious spy off later…while profusely apologizing.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he grins at the archer and takes a step forward, but Clint blocks his way.

“Great! So in the spirit of apologizing, you might wanna know that Tony is in the workshop…as usual.”

“O…kay? Why are you - ”

“He’s in the lockdown mode…meaning that he won’t be coming up anytime soon and nobody’s making it past the doors inside either. Unless you know the supersecret password of course,” he smirks. “Which I can tell you.”

“Becaaause…?”

“Because you were heading there anyway? And because he only ever goes into lockdown mode if he’s either in the middle of a scientific breakthrough, or in the middle of a personal crises. My money’s on the second one this time. So you might wanna go…lift his spirits.”

Oh. Who knew Birdbrain - as Tony so loves to call him - was this insightful? He actually thought Hawkeye doesn’t even like Tony very much, and yet…

“Dinner would…lift his spirits. Or a movie night. He likes movies. Especially bad sci-fi ones, those entertain him to no end.”

“Uh, a’right? Why would I - ”

“Because I’m not blind? And only half-deaf, so make a move, Snowflake, before he either drowns in self-doubt, again, or someone else will. Make a move. If you know what I mean.”

Maybe too insightful, for Bucky’s liking. “Okay, fine, give me the damn password, Birdbrain.”

Clint’s shit-eating grin as he tells him the password is probably going to stick for days, that’s how strong it is. But Bucky can wipe if off for him later when he totally owns him in the spy off.

He’s got a date to plan and a man to dig out of a workshop first.

(read-more ahead!)

“This doesn’t look right, DUM-E,” Tony inspects the bot’s handy work. How hard can it be to sort the tools in alphabetical order?! In DUM-E’s case real damn hard apparently, otherwise the welding stuff wouldn’t be put first and the hammer wouldn’t be all the way over there with the screwdrivers. “Wh…why is U and Butterfingers in here too?!”

DUM-E, the little shit that he is, just beeps happily and considers his work done, rolling away from the scene. 

“We’ll be talking about that later young man! You can’t think of your brothers as t - ” he yells after him, but cuts himself off as soon as he spots one very much present Bucky Barnes sitting on the table opposite of the workbench. “Tools. And we’ll be going over your alphabet! You little…should have left you in the Tower,” he mumbles when the only reply he gets is another happy beep that seems to be aimed at Bucky anyway. “How did you get in here?” he looks between the definitely password protected entrance and the…grinning supersoldier. Nope, he’s beaming. He’s been smiling more lately but this is…a suspicious increase by a ton.

He looks happy. And hell if that sight doesn’t do weird things to Tony’s brain.

“Through the door,” he answers, grin widening.

Tony glares at him, folding his hands. “It’s password protected!”

“Yeah,” he nods, still smiling. “One, two, three, four, five is a real good password.”

Son of a…okay, the password is the worst but he didn’t expect the tech illiterates here to crack it and anyone with any tech knowledge would never guess his password to be this shitty.

“Clint gave it to me. I bet he’s spied it off from the AC vent over there.”

“Son of a bitch!” he grumbles out loud this time. Usually, he would go inspect the vent…and rig it with deadly explosives, and then have Fry change the password to something more formidable this time around, but he can’t tear his eyes off of the man in front of him. “What’s with the…,” he waves a hand at the whole of him, realizing he doesn’t know how to describe what he’s seeing. It’s a bit weird to ask ‘oh hey, why are you looking so damn happy?!’. And what the hell is he wearing?! A beige shirt?! Since when does he own colors other than black?! And those jeans he totally got from whoever Steve stole his pair of the all too fitting ones years ago. What’s with supersoldiers never wearing their actual clothing size?!

He’s dressed to kill. Not the assassin kinda killing.

“All the…what?” he smirks and that’s it.

That’s the end of Tony, right there. “The uh…you’re…smiling. Like…a lot,” he stutters out, willing his thoughts to behave.

“Had a good day. A really good day,” he adds.

“Yeah?”

“Uh huh,” he hums an octave lower than should be legal and continues to just stare at Tony. “Had five club sandwiches for breakfast along with seven heartfelt apologies from the team and then Wanda took me shoppin’. And didn’t kill me on the way there or back so yeah, that’s my definition of a really good day.”

Tony’s brain takes a minute to stop conjuring dirty thoughts and then processes what he’s just said. “Wait…apologies? They apologized? The team?” he shakes his head, holding a finger up. “No no no, never mind that, but Wanda took you shopping?!” he blurts out and Bucky nods. “Wanda…are we talking about the same Wanda? Are you sure? You’re not hallucinating or anything?” he asks but the man only gives him more nods and wider damn smirks. “Am I hallucinating? Or drunk?”

“Your haven’t drunk anything, boss,” FRIDAY reassures him. “Including water, by the way. And I can confirm that Sergeant Barnes did actually go shopping with Ms. Maximoff. Without any incidents.”

So if he’s not drunk or losing his mind…that means the Avengers really did apologize to Bucky and Wanda took him shopping…what?!

He decides solving the mystery behind those actions is not the priority right now and focuses on the result instead. The happy, grinning result standing just over there and looking at Tony like he’s the Sun and Bucky’s the Winter and he can’t get enough of the warmth.

Yep, his brain is so done for. 

He relaxes his tense posture and slowly cracks a smile of his own. “Wow…was about time they got their heads out of their asses. You better not be letting them off too easily, especially the SHIELD twins.”

“Nah,” he shakes his head. “I’m happy with the way it turned out…no vengeful thoughts in mind. Yet,” he shrugs. “Besides, I’m gonna be too busy anyway.”

“Busy?” he tilts his head to the side, eyebrows raised. Busy doing what, looking like a new deadly sin?

“Yeah. Busy inviting a guy to dinner to thank him…for a lotta things.”

“Oh?” Oh…okay, sure. A thank-you dinner. Awesome. Very…friendly. And appropriate. And is it too late to fly into a black hole in the sky and disappear forever? He hopes not.

“And when the thank you’s part is done, I’m thinkin’ we forget the food and just…make out. Hoping the Soldier won’t go berserk because of the spaghetti he’s made are going cold in the background,” he says with a flare of confidence Tony didn’t think he possessed.

“Oh really? S’what you’re thinking?” he asks, trying to look and sound uninterested but failing miserably. He can’t stop the excitement and he can’t stop the smile.

“Unless I got this all wrong…me and the whole team, by the way…then yeah. That’s what I’m thinkin’.”

Tony’s brain snaps back into action and with one swift motion to the side of the workbench, he shuts down the project he’s been pretending to work on through the night. “Why don’t we forget the thank you part and just make out on the way up to the kitchen and eat? Wouldn’t wanna make the Soldier angry, would we?”

“That’s a great idea,” he chuckles, leaning away from the table.

Tony walks up to him with a smirk and winks. “Been full of great ideas lately.”

“Yeah, you have,” Bucky’s grin eases into a gentle smile and it’s the final thing that wipes all the fears and doubts away from Tony’s mind.

They move in for the kiss and Tony has to quickly forget about the damn Birdbrain, who he’s gonna have to thank for all this later. And then promptly kill him for spying on people from the vents.

But for now, he’ll enjoy the moment, the kiss, the dinner and the man whose smile is definitely gonna be the death of him.

~Fin

[seigyokus]

4.5 - I’m the Worst

Idolish Seven - Part 3, Chapter 4.5 For more Part 3 translations, click here!

Translation below the cut!

Osaka Sougo: Mitsuki-san, would you like to go out for drinks tonight? We can take our time and talk-- Izumi Mitsuki: Sorry. Momo-san's been taking care of me and letting me stay at his place, so at the very least I should cook dinner for him. Izumi Mitsuki: Also, here. Osaka Sougo: What is this notepad...? Izumi Mitsuki: Recipes for a bunch of easy meals. You always add too many spices, so be careful about that. We've got a lotta people with sweet tooths here. Osaka Sougo: ......You're not coming back to the dorm? Everyone's really lonely. Tamaki-kun, Nagi-kun, and Riku-kun are.... Izumi Mitsuki: Sorry for making you take care of the younger members. I'm causing trouble for you too, huh.... Izumi Mitsuki: But we're talking about that old man here. It'll be harder for him to return if I go back first. Or at least that's what I think. Osaka Sougo: Mitsuki-san.... Izumi Mitsuki: I'll let Momo-san spoil me for just a bit longer. Well, I'll be leaving those guys in your hands. Take care of them. Osaka Sougo: Mitsuki-san! Please wait! Mi-- Osaka Sougo: .......

Osaka Sougo: Yamato-san! Nikaidou Yamato: Ah, Sou. Good work today. Osaka Sougo: Um.... Would you like to go out for drinks tonight? I'd like to talk about what's going to happen from here on out.... Nikaidou Yamato: Sorry. I start early tomorrow. Also, here. Osaka Sougo: What is all this money for...? Nikaidou Yamato: I'm sure it must be a handful cooking for everyone. Use this to buy takeout for everyone. Osaka Sougo: I don't need it! This is-- Nikaidou Yamato: It's fine, just take it. See ya. Osaka Sougo: W-wait! Yamato-san, you told me that I could depend on you if I was ever troubled about anything, correct? Nikaidou Yamato: Yeah. Why? Osaka Sougo: I.... I'm very troubled. Everyone's been really sad and lonely ever since you and Mitsuki-san left the dorms..... Osaka Sougo: ......If things continue on like this, I'll be very worried.... Please do something about it.... Nikaidou Yamato: Sou....... Osaka Sougo: I-I'm sorry......! Forgive me for saying something so impertinent.... Nikaidou Yamato: It's fine.... ....... Nikaidou Yamato: ......I'm gonna head back now. Excuse me. Osaka Sougo: Yamato-san! Yama-- Osaka Sougo: ....... Both of them are thinking about IDOLiSH7, and yet....

Osaka Sougo: Haa....... I'm back.... ......!? Izumi Iori: Please let go of me......! Nii-san left already, didn't he!? Nanase Riku: I'm lonely without you here, Iori! The sound of you scolding me every day was like my background music and I miss it! Yotsuba Tamaki: Iorin, don't go! There used to be five King Pudding glasses, but only three are left.....! Rokuya Nagi: It's not fair that you're the only one experiencing such heartfelt sibling love! At the very least, pay attention to us too! Izumi Iori: ......! I can't just leave Nii-san alone! Excuse me! Please let go of me! Osaka Sougo: ....... Osaka Sougo: I have to do something about this....

Nikaidou Yamato: ....... Haa....... Nikaidou Yamato: I guess it's no good....... I gotta do it first then, before I trouble them any more than this.... Nikaidou Yamato: ......I should tell them I'm quitting. Momo: Yamato! Are you going home? Nikaidou Yamato: Momo-san.... Nikaidou Yamato: Yes, I was just about head back. Momo: I hear you're staying at Yuki's house right now? Must be nice! Nikaidou Yamato: Thank you for taking care of Mitsu and Ichi. Sorry about that.... Momo: It's fine, it's fine! I heard you guys fought? When you work together with someone, that kind of stuff is bound to happen. Momo: But if you're gonna fight, you gotta do it head-on and face-to-face! If you fight with your backs to each other, you won't know what kind of face they're making. Momo: How about you drop by my place to fight? Mitsuki and Iori are waiting for you there. Nikaidou Yamato: Ahaha.... I'm fine. It wasn't really a fight.... We worked together normally today. Nikaidou Yamato: I have no clue what he's said about me, though. Momo: I think Mitsuki wants you to talk to him first. About a lot of things. Nikaidou Yamato: ....... Momo: Drawing out a fight for this long is just a waste, so come on over to my place! Why don't you try talking it out? I'll even get sushi for you guys! How about it? Nikaidou Yamato: ....... Shut up.... Momo: Huh? Nikaidou Yamato: ......Shut up! Both of you need to leave me alone! Please! Aren't things jumbled up enough as is!? Momo: S-sorry.... But.... Nikaidou Yamato: Fighting head-on? Did you two even do that!? That's right, you didn't. That's why you couldn't sing anymore! Nikaidou Yamato: And weren't you the one who drew it out for a really long time, Momo-san? Nikaidou Yamato: You always talk about how well-informed you are, so there's no way you didn't know that Banri-san was at our agency. Nikaidou Yamato: You knew, but you just didn't wanna say it. Am I wrong!? Momo: ....... Momo: I really didn't know....... Nikaidou Yamato: ......! I'm so sorry...! I....... Momo: It's fine, it's fine! But I can see why you'd think that.... I wonder if Yuki and Ban-san think so too.... Nikaidou Yamato: I'm really, really sorry......! I spoke without thinking. I.... Momo: It's okay, it's okay! I know you usually wouldn't say something like that, Yamato! Momo: But you're not your usual self right now.... You get what I'm saying? Nikaidou Yamato: ....... Yes....... Momo: Are you okay? I'm sure you're tired. This is your first time filming for a movie, and it's a super hard role to boot. You've even got IDOLiSH7 work to do on top of all of that....... Nikaidou Yamato: ......I'm exhausted. I'm just reaping what I’ve sowed though.... Nikaidou Yamato: I'm already tired of putting up with myself, because I'm terrible.... I'm the worst....... (1) Momo: Yamato.... Momo: ...Nobody is terrible. Terrible situations give rise to unhappy people. That's all. It’s kinda like catching a cold. Momo: Of course, there are times when you just can't love yourself. But if you keep on rejecting yourself like that, then things are only get more and more painful. Momo: You'll end up losing that place deep down inside of yourself, where you can be you. (2) Momo: It's painful when you lose that place in others, but it hurts the most when you kick yourself out of your own heart. Nikaidou Yamato: Momo-san....... Momo: Give yourself a place to belong again. A place where both the dashing Yamato and the good-for-nothing Yamato can belong. Momo: And that Yamato you called the worst? Comfort him, kindly and gently. Pat his head, just like you would for your members. Momo: It's fine if you encourage him to do his best. But if you keep on hating that Yamato, then you won't be able to do your best either. Nikaidou Yamato: ....... But.... Momo: What? Nikaidou Yamato: ......I really am the worst.... I've done so many awful things.... I can't even say it. I.... I don't have the right to be kind and gentle to myself.... Nikaidou Yamato: ......Even though he was trying to talk to me seriously, I fucked around, led him by the nose, and tried to make him stop too... Nikaidou Yamato: When he asked me if I was really fine with keeping people an arm’s distance away…. I scoffed at him, even though I knew it'd hurt him.... Nikaidou Yamato: I.... I've never seen him look so sad before.... So I pushed him away and left....... It's just like he said. I..... I'm.... Nikaidou Yamato: I want to be loved, but I don't want to put the work into being loved.... All I can do is be ashamed of myself.... I'm a terrible human being.... The absolute worst....... Momo: Just who said that to you? Buddha? Is there any human being who wouldn't get upset if someone said that to them? Nikaidou Yamato: ......It was Yuki-san.... Momo: Ngh....... I just imagined him saying that to me and I feel like I'm gonna puke my guts out....... Nikaidou Yamato: ....... Haha.... Momo: Heheh.... You finally smiled. If you can't do it yourself, then I'll pat that sad, gloomy Yamato's head for you. Nikaidou Yamato: Please stop....... Momo: How come? I'm older than you, y'know? Nikaidou Yamato: I.... I don't wanna cry in a place like this.... Momo: Haha.... You sure are a cute one. I really love that about you, Yamato. Momo: I'm sorry for being so overbearing and trying to force you over. Let's talk again sometime, alright? In a place where it'll be okay even if you get teary-eyed. Nikaidou Yamato: ....... But.... Aren't you really busy with work...? Momo: Don't worry about it. Momo: After all, I wanna hear what you have to say too.

To be continued....

TL Notes/comments:

thank u @kuriiii 4 bein best baeta!!!!  ayyyyyyy

title was awful to tl because it's lit. The Worst Self (referring to yourself) MMNNN (1) this line was difficult 2 rephrase into englisH, also tossed in another def of 最悪 just to make momo's subsequent line flow better (2) THIS LINE WAS META AS HECK, also difficult to put into english. This whole section was difficult af man

As usual, if you see any mistakes/mistranslations/etc, please message me!

Thank you for reading!!

[itsclydebitches]

Preacher Review: Viktor

A.K.A. “It’s Game of Thrones”

Sorry for the nearly 24 hour lateness of this review, folks. We’ll jump right in with my most humble apologies.  

Episode four has two major themes arcing through it: the old-school ‘people are the real monsters’ and a newer, optimistic take on how technology (specifically television) can solve almost any problem. I’ll be touching on both throughout.

We begin with Tulip though, still surrounded by men in that laundry mat, ominously telling Viktor that they’ve succeeded in locating her. We’re given close ups of Tulip handing over her gun and smooshed between two of the thugs in the car, both of which amp up the dangerous, claustrophobic feeling for Tulip and viewer alike. The tension started last week with Tulip methodically putting coin after coin into the machine—delaying the inevitable, sending a message that she’ll go when she’s ready—and these feelings are amplified when she doesn’t even bother to take the smokes with her. Oh well. Someone else’s gain I suppose.

There’s a time jump as Jesse finds Dennis’ place the next morning, which is notable due to its ordinariness. This is specifically not the time lapse we’ve come to associate with supernatural characters (Fiore waiting for the bus, the Saint catching up with the trio). All Jesse gets is a simple cut, despite Genesis riding shotgun next to his soul. It’s a nice, cinematic touch that tells us Jesse remains more Human than Other.

Jesse certainly thinks so. He emphasizes to Cass that there was a woman—no, not like that—who was in trouble, “so I helped her.” When Cass isn’t impressed with Jesse’s bragging he drops it fast enough, launching into an explanation for how staying out so late without contact is “typical for Tulip,” especially when they’re fighting. This sets up the conflict between Cass and Jesse in this episode and it’s one that we can easily see both sides of. Jesse is (rightly) reading the situation through his long intimacy with Tulip while Cass is (also rightly) basing his interpretation off of what he thinks Tulip currently needs. In short, misunderstandings on both sides waste a whole lot of time.

And for once Tulip might actually need the assistance. She squirms in Viktor’s office, and though Tulip employs her impressive acting skills later while sobbing and insisting how sorry she is for leaving, the viewer is left with the distinct impression that these first set of nerves are real. Plus who wouldn’t be squirming with screams and a buzz saw sounding in the next room?

Cass sends a heartfelt “are u ok?” but Tulip doesn’t have time to answer. The texts will grow more and more frantic as the episode continues, coming to a head in what proves to be a wonderfully shocking final scene…

But we’ll get to that.

For now Eugene is still in hell and oh boy, I still have Thoughts about this plot-line. The Worst Memory machine is currently malfunctioning in Eugene’s block (is he somehow the cause?) and it gives the writers the chance to do the exact thing I had prayed they wouldn’t do:

Humanize Hitler.

Here’s the thing, they’ve just introduced a whole new cast of characters, so go ahead and humanize the soft-spoken Romani! Or the Native American in the background! Literally anyone other than the genocidal maniac whose atrocities are still very much a part of our present. This is hell, no one is going to be “good,” but that doesn’t mean you try to redeem the one possible character who is, as an icon, entirely irredeemable. But oh, does the show try.

Hitler is a skinny, soft-spoken man who immediately positions himself as Eugene’s defender. He takes Eugene under his wing (explaining a little about how the Machines works) and invites him into his own worst memory in Munich, 1919 when Eugene gets locked out of his cell. There we see that Hitler most regrets a time when he was trying to woo a pretty girl (and failing), was embarrassed by a Jewish man, is incredibly hesitant about labeling anyone as “vermin” worthy of extinction, and is nervous about showing his art to a gallery owner. This Hitler is later horrified to see his own salute and just wants a crossword puzzle to do. As one of the other prisoners asks, “What happened to you?” Provided he isn’t faking (Eugene’s “Are you still... bad?”) we’re presented with a ‘redeemed’ Hitler that is not only insulting, but beyond implausible. Who grows a conscious in a hell that actively encourages you to be your worst? “Act accordingly.” How does Hitler grow a conscious there? Admittedly we didn’t get to see the entirety of his memory, but as it stands the show pulls out all the idiotic evidence that’s used to try and lessen Hitler’s actions. He loved his dogs! He could have been a painter! So what? Jake, help me out here.

Thank you.

By the time Hitler is being beaten up we’re supposed to feel mighty bad for him. I don’t. What’s more interesting though is Eugene’s self-preservation. In some ways I think this is a little out of character—he’s spent a whole season actively putting himself in harms way while trying to get back in the town’s good graces—but perhaps the idea of the hole is too much for him. Regardless, Eugene re-starts the kicking of a broken and bleeding Hitler in order to save his own skin, emphasizing that hell is only as awful as the people who make it up. We’re seeing more and more how there’s very little mystical about these other worlds. Hell isn’t scary because it’s some supernatural torture-fest, it’s scary because it’s made up of people in power encouraging others to act at their worst. It’s scary because it’s a reflection of how bad humans can be—“no one had any idea the numbers we’d be getting.” Even ‘good boys’ like Eugene aren’t safe from that influence.

It’s exactly like Earth.

But you know what? I actually have a theory here, one that would explain away all of Hitler’s inconsistencies, get the writers (somewhat) off the hook, and come back to haunt Eugene later: what if that’s not actually Hitler? What if that’s just some guy pretending to be Hitler to keep himself safe? Protection based on others’ fear and respect? It would be a good twist.

I’m holding on to that. Tightly.

Meanwhile, we segue into our second theme with Cass playing couch potato and consuming the most hilariously over-the-top infomercial, which is hilarious because of how accurate it is. Flooded houses, shot of a sad dog (because we all know people care more about the dogs than the humans…), and a black woman eating out of the trash. I’ve literally seen commercials structured exactly like this. But the whole point is not a commentary on the commercial industry itself (though there’s definitely some of that), but rather it gives Cass the chance to spot fake!God on TV, just like how he spotted Fiore two episodes back. Noticing a pattern? It’s pretty on the nose: watching TV is a good thing! Watching TV will give you leads in your case! It’s the answer to your questions and the solution to your problems! The fact that Cass later claims to be representing Game of Thrones—the other ultra-violent adaptation airing this month—and succeeds in getting the information they need just reinforces this message that television is an all around excellent tool, that you should totally keep watching, especially at 9:00 on Monday nights. 

I see what you’re doing, Preacher. Although as someone who studies television, I do also agree lol.

Television (or rather, tapes) help them again as we get to see fake!God auditioning for his part, working through many of the lines he tried out last season, and ultimately getting shot when he accepts the job (an excellent touch). It’s after this that Cass can’t take it anymore, finally getting straight with Jesse about the fact that Tulip is missing.

Ah Tulip. This was set up very well. “I made you a part of my family.” Oh, so Viktor is acting all mob boss like, it’s that kind of ‘family.’ Why does Tulip have free reign in this house if she’s a prisoner? Eh, probably just a mistake on the writer’s part. That little girl was awfully mad, but that’s normal for a child of someone like Viktor. Why did Tulip threaten to kill Viktor instead of just escaping? Well, she needs to make sure he doesn’t come after her again. And remember back to the almost-wedding? Tulip just had bigger things on her mind than marrying Jesse. Right?

Nope, nope, nope, nope and nope. Everything falls into place when Tulip announces that Viktor is her husband, a twist I personally never saw coming. She’s literally family, this is presumably her house, that little girl is her step-daughter, they obviously have a relationship, and Tulip can’t marry Jesse if she’s already got a husband. That “let me go” line takes on a whole deeper meaning by the end of the episode. Things just got way more complicated, which is exactly what the trio doesn’t need with the Saint back on their trail, and Jesse is beyond pissed. Anyone else notice how he chokes Viktor harder after Tulip’s admission?

My biggest question though:

Was the baby Tulip lost Jesse’s … or Viktor’s?

We’ll have to wait to find out. 

Thanks, friends <3

Other Minor Things Worth Noting 

Dennis’ kitchen looks remarkably like the kitchen back at the church: same drab, brown coloring; slightly grimy surfaces; a single window with sun shining through that Cass needs to avoid. It’s a part of Preacher’s aesthetic—these characters don’t belong in fancy places—but it was also a lovely, nostalgic touch.

We get another angry spew of French from Dennis. “It’s French,” Cass says. Yes. Yes it is. Okay. Who’s taking bets on whether Dennis will try to kill Cass before this is all over?

Jesse tells the conspiracy theory loving, “this is probably the Terminator,” “I swear I saved you from government clones” vampire that he’s discovered a secret organization. God bless.

Love the distorted voice of the Superintendent. A creepy touch to this otherwise bureaucratic depiction of hell.

Why hasn’t Eugene questioned why he’s in hell yet? Did he actually meet Jesse in the church that one time? Are the hallucinations Jesse had last season the real Eugene? If they weren’t, isn’t Eugene wondering when and how he died? Or does he just accept all this given his guilt over Traci? The facts here are all rather muddled…

Very nice long-shot of Tulip coming up those steps. She looks incredibly small in that massive, ostentatious house.

An epic fight to “Uptown Girl’ with severed arms and a fire hose used as weapons? Yes please.

We’ve finally got “arseface” into this canon! Or rather, “assface.” I wonder if Eugene will claim this name like he did back in the comics.

[duchess-of-weirdness-blog]

The last time I pour my heart out.

The last time I pour my heart to another human being was today. If you refer to my post right before this one you will be caught up to speed.

I didn’t want to risk something so real ( or what I felt was real) turned out to be a lie. I wrote everything I could to try to ask this guy to think for himself. Going into a marriage with someone you don’t even know and will never love? Sounds sounds absurd to me. I was in a place were we became best friends just the distance killed us. I planned to meet him next month. He dropped a bomb on me… below I’m sharing the long text letter that I sent him. I am sharing this becuase my pain might help someone else not to make the same mistake. Don’t long distance date. If you are interracially dating please make sure you are not with a coward. Make sure that you are with someone who would stand up to every system.. every person to fight for you like you would do for them. Everyone is not that strong and will use you for their selfish needs.

( my open heart below )

Sourabh… Please only read this when you are alone…

This is some of the worst pain that I ever felt. I was so open and honest with you from the beginning about everything. I feel like everything you ever said to me was a lie. I understand that we are in two different places. I also know it’s a new world how can you follow old traditional views.. that you told me you didn’t even follow. What we had was so genuine and real. I know if we could have met up things would be different. Not knowing if we could have been something more is what feels like it’s killing me inside. I couldn’t even sleep… I couldn’t eat. Just like trying to keep busy working on my projects.. it’s crazy how if I got to send a message you pop up first because you were my most contacted person.  You went from telling me good morning everyday to just silently leaving me. I’m writing a lot because writing is like my therapy and I gotta get it all out. It is possible to survive in this world with two totally different people. You don’t have to be the same ethnicity or religion to really love someone. 😑 love is love or like.. whatever and it should happen naturally not forced.. Not because someone said. We talked about this so I really feel like this hurt was done on purpose. You did everything to heal my heart just to break it again.  That’s the most fucked up shit I ever felt in my life bro… Then you tell me to give you time like there’s even a chance of hope for me and you. I know that there isn’t any hope. I never got to hug you talk to you.. or do any of that fun stuff like showing you around California and going to concerts like we talked about.  I hate when I get a message on whatsapp now because it’s never you. How could you call someone your best friend and just abandon them & their emotions? Trust me I know how important family is and how they can have a influence on you. You should man up and do what you really want to do. I really wish we could have met in person. It’s different.. like if we would have met & it didn’t work out fine… but now it’s like we never got the chance to try… I can’t go from having all these feelings for you to going into the friend zone. If I’m taking the time to write all this and get everything in the open I hope that you can see how much I really did care. My emotions don’t lie… I felt it so strong and asked you if there was someone else… you just asked me why I always thought so negative. It wasn’t that I was thinking negatively I was thinking the truth. You just lied to me in my fucking face… and then tell me I can’t text you in a loving way for some bitch you never even met or talked to…. That’s crazy we chose each other. That should mean something… you can’t just block someone special out your life. You have to fight for them. You only get one life and you have to fight for the things you want. Me writing this is my way of fighting… although I know this is a war that I’ve already lost. Fuck all the stress and these terrible feelings that I feel… I wish we could just run away and spend some quality time with no labels and no pressure just doing fun stuff together. There is a long life ahead there’s no need to rush into marriage or any situation just because someone else thinks its best. Don’t get all scared thinking someone else will see this… I wouldn’t care if the world saw this message because it’s something so pure and just heartfelt. We live in a world where everyone is just out for self gain… All I wanted to gain was maybe my best friend falling in love with me.. now I’ll never know. I only tried to start my old job back while I was still feeling sick just to meet you in person. I know I’ll have to let it go for my own health.. my blood pressure got really high crying and just thinking about you… crying the whole time that I type this. Remember the guy that I told you that u reminded me of? Hassan ? That comedian… it’s crazy because in his show that I love so much… he almost lost his wife because his dad tried to change his mind… but his sister stepped in and told him to follow his heart.. they’re both two different religions and the odds  were stacked against them.  But they just followed their hearts.. Follow your heart even if your heart doesn’t lead you to me.. listen to your heart because your brain just tells you everything that won’t work.. but your heart tells you everything that will work. Trust me I’m not trying to steal you away from your family or friends. Everyone can exist together.. I have no idea what’s going on in your mind… I know I’m probably not even on your mind because my texts are just empty… I can’t just sit around while you try to get to know someone else…. 😑😑😑 I was really trying to spend your birthday with you & party like we talked about. Ughhh Why did I believe it? I’m so fucking stupid.. but people are only stupid for people they really care about. I swear this is the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to write because it’s a goodbye before a beginning. It’s like the end to something so natural and pure.. We are so different yet so much the same. I know love probably isn’t in the forecast for me. I just hope you’re happy… and just know that some people really have stronger feelings than others. Like don’t fuck with someone’s emotions especially when they were so open with you about being hurt before. It really feels like that lady gaga song bad romance.  I know I could never be your friend. I can’t watch the guy I wanted so bad growing to love someone else. It’s not fair for me to get online and just see that I don’t have a message from you. Do you realize that we talked everyday? That meant something to me. I know now that it didn’t mean anything to you. I don’t normally make that much time for men.  I’m not just anybody… like I actually do shit.. I know u met me when I got sick but I’m a boss.. I really wanted to do business with you  and make money. Do you know how epic that could have been? My connections in the USA! Your connections in India.. that could have really been some power couple type of shit. Espically when my app drops.. wow I know this is long but I feel like it will probably be the last thing that I get to say to you.  Although I wish things would go my way & you would just be like nooo I choose u haha but deep down I know because I felt you disconnect from me… I felt it when I asked you & u just lied to me & said you were dating the gym lol remember that? 

It sucks cuz I’ve been going to work on my projects sick.. of course I’m not gonna blame all my stress on you… but of course losing you hurts a lot. In a perfect world of course I wish you would just be like I choose you! We could just explore and travel u show me india I show u California and we go on different adventures together…. but this isn’t a perfect world is it? 😓 I know.. life changes but I didn’t think it would change this fast. Lol I told you how I’m writing scripts all the time well now at least you get to see something besides short texts lol I do want to say thank you for the times when I was really sick you motivated me got me in the gym. These past few days I haven’t eaten meat & I’m gonna stay that way now. I hope I had or have some kind of impact on you also. I also want you to know that it’s okay to interracially date. It’s so beautiful to be with someone who is not exactly the same as you. You have to be a very brave person to do that.. because the world will judge you! They will hate it but I feel like for something real it’s worth it.  I don’t know where you stand with all that we never really talked about it. Mostly that’s what it boils down to tho in this world. 

I’m still a virgin so I don’t have much experience… but I do know if I ever have kids I want them to find true love on their own and I’ll love them enough to respect their choice no matter what it is. I honestly didn’t know things like what you’re going through is still happening in 2017! Fuck I feel like I’m saying last words at a funeral or something.. but the truth is life goes on… I can’t lie I’m gonna miss you so fucking much. I hope you think of me some time. I will tell you this… she can never care about you or love you the way I did..  It won’t ever be real.. she’s just going along with some bullshit plan and tradition so she can have a life and be taken care of.. it won’t ever be real love.. your future kids none of that shit will be made out of real love… one day you’ll regret not standing up for yourself and being your own man.

That’s what I’ve been learning how to stand up for myself and say how I really feel. I had a crazy business meeting today and I stood up and told everyone the truth! That they were full of shit and it was beautiful. Lol I probably would have been texting you all about it haha.. but anyway I won’t.. I will say that I’m sorry for opening up to you so much… I’m sorry for trusting the things you said.. because I just opened myself up for this pain… I won’t be open with anyone else like that ever again.. I’m learning to protect my feelings.. I’m growing and learning but I know one day I will get there. I just have so many questions did your family find oit you were talking to a black girl and get mad? Or did u know this was happening all along? Why would you meet new people if you knew you were trapped in a traditional world? I hope you set yourself free. I wish I had no feelings I swear😑 I’m mad I feel so used… I know you technically weren’t mine but u knew I was gonna meet u and we would have been together…  I can still pick up on your vibes.. just like when you lied I felt it.. I can feel when u think about me… I can feel when you just ignore the feeling and do nothing about it.. We talked everyday… now this.. I’m not even good enough for a hello… With friends like this I definitely don’t need any enemies. Sadly coming to the end of writing this I feel like I wasted so much of my time. You won’t listen to a single thing I said because you’re blinded. I’m still gonna send this to you tho.. because I’m stupid and I always like trying one last time. I’m addicted to the feeling of heartbreak.. that shit has happened so many times until it feels good.. It’s like a high.. I knew that shit was coming. I should have never entertained you. You’ll probably just block me again or something and go on like I never existed. Idk… I’m so excused.. I think I said as much as I can say.. Sincerely the girl who actually never lied to you and valued you - Dawnn

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz dec 22 - 30th lb

thank you all for the incredibly touching messages you left me. to receive such heartfelt sentiments from those who’ve never met me and my family genuinely made me happy-cry. 😭😭😭 you’re all the sweetest. thank you thank you thank you. 💜💙💚💛❤💕💗💘💝 *squishes all of you into a giant hug; sorry for the snot on your shoulders*

i’m almost all caught up with ishqbaaz; because A+ technique to avoid relatives who make saddddd eyes and then bring up when i’m getting married (“not anytime soon, possibly never; leave me alone, the only one i want to cuddle with right now is my obese cat” is not an acceptable answer, apparently.); so here’s the first installment of liveblogs!

22nd december

i know i said that one gesture wasn’t enough for redemption, but damn. what a gesture. he handled that situation very well. in a most non-shivaay like manner. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

i’m so confused. who is this man, really? 🤔🤔🤔

i love that anika is still giving him silent treatment. you go girl. don’t give it up that easy. 😎😎😎

“baat karlo na.”

i love gentle yet petulant shivaay. he’s adorable.  😚😚😚

since gentle shivaay isn’t doing the trick, tadi waala shivaay has taken over. 😐😐😐

anika’s gentle smile @ shivaay’s tadi walk! lol, is she checking out her own husband? 😏😏😏

oh boy. battle of the wills. 😬😬😬

“yeh kahin suna hua hai. oh haan, yeh toh mera hi dialogue hai!”

you cocky little shit. you’re asking for it. 🙄🙄🙄

god the constant sunglass theatrics. 😑😑😑

i just noticed his mickey mouse pocket square! lol, cute.

i like seeing these little nakuul touches, though they’re the most un-shivaay-like things. 🙃🙃🙃

oh girl. so extra. i mean, this time he didn’t even deserve it as much as the last time. 😣😣😣

lol those security guards give zero fucks about the marital war unfolding in front of them. 😂😂😂

he’s in lurrrrrrve. with his windshield smashing wife. 😍😍😍

that smile looks so unnatural on him. it’s weirding me out as much as it’s weirding ANIKA out. 😶😶😶

lmaoooooooo khanna makes videos of these two. what a creep. 😂😂😂

at least one member of this family is constantly under the threat of death at any given time but this guy has the time to make fanmixes of his otp and distribute. honestly. 🙄🙄🙄

what do you mean he made the wedding day video? how the hell did he get the bits inside the hotel room? 🤔🤔🤔

lmao khanna hates shivaay’s guts too. 😂😂😂

hahahaha “WHAT IS YOUR LANGUAGE????” 😁😁😁

oh he’s been saying “watch your language” all these days? i thought it was “what’s with the language?” 😐😐😐

lol khanna’s gone back to a good vantage point to shoot his videos from. 😂😂😂

yesssss, my girl is back in form. 😘😘😘

ohhhh, my boy is getting into “ishqbaaz” form as well. 😏😏😏

lol the family’s faces. 😂😂😂

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, WHAT AN ASSHOLE. 😂😂😂

lol shakti’s loving it. 😆😆😆

aw, anika. just beat it, as quickly as you cannnn. 😗😗😗

LOOK AT THAT SHIT-EATING GRIN. SMACK IT OFF HIS FACEEEE, GIRL. 😋😋😋

… or not. mutual giggle fest is fine too, i guess. 😕😕😕

this is the most married thing they’ve ever done. 😌😌😌

“i’m not a joker. i’m shivaay singh oberoi.”

pft. what an idiot. is your name a profession? 🙄🙄🙄

lol aw anika, come on, that quite a nice laugh. give the handsome boy some credit. 😊😊😊

i wouldn’t pause like she is. if he said “sar pe maaro” to me, you’d best believe, he’d have cartoon stars and birds swimming around his head the next second. 💥💥💥

aw, puppy eyes. 🐶🐶🐶

HE’S APOLOGIZING. WITH PUPPY EYES. 🙈🙈🙈

(what was the weird move with the phone tho? is he… recording this?) 🤔🤔🤔

KISS, IDIOTS. KISSSSS! 💏💏💏

why’s tia in some rando storeroom in the oberoi mansion? 😐😐😐

goddamn, tia looks so fuckingggggg goooood. i don’t look this good when i’m in the best of moods, let alone when in a suicidal spiral. 😒😒😒

OWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! heropanti ki bhi limit hoti hai shivaay. 😬😬😬

lmao mrs. kapoor calm the f down. 🙄🙄🙄

tia’s the next virgin mary; just in time for christmas too! merry christmas, oberois!!!!! 🎄🎁🎄🎁🎄

23rd december

lmao shakti’s like “behudaaaa harkat!!!!” while tej is just like “bro you shoulda wrapped it before you tapped it.” 😂😂😂

lol everyone’s michmichi at shivaay’s sex life being out in the open like this. 😂😂😂

good lord, tia and her mom roofied shivaay. you ladies are out of fuckin’ control. ya crazy bishes. 😬😬😬

ok mrs. kapoor, you’re being weird and creepy. ew. 😖😖😖

“in the same room!”

wow, mrs. kapoor is really overestimating the power of shivaay’s swimmers. 😐😐😐

oh god tia’s sanskaari drama. girl, please. you’re so much better than this nonsense. 😑😑😑

shivaay’s silent, but his face is screaming BRO THIS SUCKS ASS, I DIDN’T EVEN GET TO DO THE FUN PART OF BABYMAKING 😂😂😂

what i wouldn’t give for omRu to be here and to see their reactions. 😚😚😚

shivaay’s look at anika: BUT I LIKE MY CURRENT WIFEEEEE. I WANT TO KEEP THISSSS ONEEEE. 😗😗😗

pinky ko aur bahaana mil gaya, to ship #shiTia 😐😐😐

tej, how shitty a businessman are you, if you’re constantly wringing your hands about shivaay overtaking you in business by marrying someone. 🙄🙄🙄

everyone’s #teamShivaay except pinky. 😶😶😶

OUFF PINKY. SHUTTTTT UP. 😣😣😣

now the deal is only 36 crores. which, come on. i’m sure shivaay’s sunglass and car maintenance budget alone is that much anually. 🙄🙄🙄

*sighhhhh* tia. girl, i loved you so much. y u be so damn shady? 😩😩😩

lmao that was the worst denial i’ve ever seen of not being happy married to anika. dude, sound more assertive. 🙄🙄🙄

lmaoooooo his michmichi at her mention of “humara baby” 😂😂😂

THEY NEVER HAD SEX???? WHAT WAS WITH ALL THOSE MASSAGE NIGHTS THEN? what a load of bullshit. 😮😮😮🙄🙄🙄

wow, tia’s voice at “indignant screeching” is just… only bats and dogs can hear her at that frequency. 🙉🙉🙉

and girlllllllll, stop laying it on so thick. it’s gonna be hella bad when you get found out. 🙈🙈🙈

expert bitchface on both sides. impressive, ladies. impressive! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

lmao his face when he turns around and sees anika “NO BABY I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT, I MEANT I’LL BE THERE FOR HER BABY IN THE CAPACITY OF A DISTANTTTTT MAAMA, OR SOMETHING. I ONLY WANT TO MAKE BABIES WITH YOU!” 😂😂😂

oh tiaaa. you’re being so overconfident. be smarterrrrrrr. 😑😑😑

anika’s face after “tumhe toh main shivaay ki zindagi se phek kar rahoongi”:

“oh tacky ki bachchi, zyaada english jhaadi na mere saamne, toh tumhe chaadar ki tarah jhaad doongi, samjhiiii?” lololololol best.😂😂😂

god this loser and his disgusting hair. does anyone actually think this looks good???????? 🤐🤐🤐

BRO SHE DOESN’T WANT YOUR FUCKING CHAI. 😒😒😒

ugh, so rapey. he’s even more rapey than daksh. 😖😖😖

anika trying to do a reprise of shankar mahadevan’s breathless, except more gossipy. and with more metaphors about dal. 😂😂😂

lol, what to even say to that, anika?

O BETE KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 😱😱😱

oh no, both your khurafaati dimaaags together. 🙈🙈🙈

no you two also agreed that love was a waste of time, when mallika was around. 😌😌😌

aaaaaaah, marriage. must not be so bad. 😙😙😙

god i don’t even wanna witness what freqeuncy tia’s voice goes to when he suggests the dna test. 🙉🙉🙉

you’re still agreeing on the same topic, you fucking idiots. 🙄🙄🙄

tia kapoor is two steps ahead of you chuckleheads. tum toh bade kachche khilaadi ho. 😊😊😊

SHE PAID THE DOCTOR OFF YOU IDIOT. HOW CAN YOU BE SO DAMN STUPID? 🙄🙄🙄 you need to learn some shit from arnav singh raizada (like, in general, but also SPECIFICALLY about this topic.)

24th december

looks like shivaay’s aman isn’t as efficient as arnav’s aman. 🤔🤔🤔

okaaay girl, coulda bataofied his dhyaan some other way too, y'know? 😐😐😐

why would her breaking the button off cause HIM to be in pain??????? 🙄🙄🙄

oh, so tia is REALLY pregnant. by poor dead dobin. uski aakhri nishaani tak ko… this show really screwed over pure, innocent dobin. 😖😖😖

lol CHICKCHIK. 😂😂😂

pfffffffft. these idiots and their competition on who can thread a needle. 🙄🙄🙄

“BUTTON SHIRT PE LAGAANA HAI, BODY PAR NAHI!”

she’s too busy checking out your chest to be doing this well, billuji. take it as a compliment. 😏😏😏

lol, ok, guess these two will never have the romantic moment where she’ll come close to bite off the dhaaga. he has to bite off the dhaaga on his own. 😂😂😂

lol shirtEIN.  😂😂😂

ffs shivaay, you have more money, coulda paid him off with more to say its not your baby. 😑😑😑

lmao, pinky’s happiness in contrast to everyone else’s disappointment. 😆😆😆

ANIKA YOU IDIOT. WHAT HAPPENED TO MERI AANKHEIN HAMESHA TUMPE RAHEGI. 😒😒😒

why would anyone call sAumya for a statement on an oberoi baby? 🤔🤔🤔

lol, pinky wants baby to say “oh my mata” as well. 😂😂😂

WHY IS NO ONE NOTICING TIA AND HER MOM’S SMIRKS?????? 😧😧😧

pinkyyyyyyyyy shushhhhhhhhhhhh. 😣😣😣

thank godddd, he finally spoke up. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

looks like shivaay needs to go to tirupati too. 😐😐😐

anika’s in full wife haq mode. 😏😏😏

…. yeah, i was expecting that. 😒😒😒

that was a very mild reaction for shivaay actually. 😐😐😐

we heard the plate break, but now it’s intact??? 🤔🤔🤔

pft, ok stop, this isn’t a romantic moment at allllll. 🙄🙄🙄

badddddd dubbing. such baaaaaaad dubbing in this scene. 😑😑😑

good to know: shivaay has a tobasco allergy. we finally know how to kill him if he gets too out of hand. 😈😈😈

ouff, this prinku never comes with good news. ab kya raita phel gaya hai? 😒😒😒

shivaay watching tia on the news like

pinkyyyyyyy, ouffff. 😐😐😐

lol standard passive agressive desi mom response: FINE, DO TEN THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😂😂😂

um excuse me ppl, you need tia’s blood samples too for a PRENATAL paternity test. how the hell are you going to get those????🤔🤔🤔

SAHILLLLLLLLL IS BACCCCCKKKKKKKKKK! 😚😚😚

ew, what’s this dancing? is this her drunk ‘khaike paan banaras’ moment? 😟😟😟

SAHIL’S A PART OF THIS WEIRDLY SEDUCTIVE ROUTINE TOO??????? 😖😖😖😖

26th december

who dis lady with a sweater on her face? mrs kapoor? who tipped her off tht anika was going to dr. chatterjee? 🤔🤔🤔

lmao what is this slutty nurse halloween costume? no nurse in indian hospitals dresses like this. 🙄🙄🙄

what the helllllllll is anika even wearing? it’s like a dupatta as a top or something. 😕😕😕

“fetus ka sample, woh humne dr. malik ke lab se mangwaa liya hai.”

WHAT NONSENSE? I’M PRETTY SURE YOU CAN’T JUST “MANGWAAOFY” A SAMPLE FROM ANOTHER PRIVATE CLINIC. ESPECIALLY WITHOUT CONSENT FROM THE PERSON WHO THE SAMPLE BELONGS TO. 😑😑😑

pinky i get you’re being a good mom and all, but just take a damn chill pill. 🙄🙄🙄

lol “tadi mein nahi khaa rahe honge” i love sahil so much 😂😂😂

oh god. dancing waala plan in her mind. ugh.😖😖😖

ouff this house and its instantly party-ready pool area. 🙄🙄🙄

and where the f did anika manage to get a costume from? like… honestly, i hate contrived dance sequences so fucking muchhhhhhhhhh, they make me want to die of michmichi. 😩😩😩

bringing myself to watch this is like… the toughest thing i’ve done all day.😫😫😫

OK SHE JUST MAAROFIED THAT LAMEASS DIALOGUE AND I CAN’T, OK?? I JUST CAN’T. fwding fwding fwding. ⏩⏩⏩

lol “bhains ki aankhein kanji thodi na hoti hai” 😂😂😂

ouffff emotional dialogueeeeeee. 🙄🙄🙄

OH NO MORE DANCING. FUCK THIS SHIT. 😫😫😫

did see a cute shot of shivaay dancing with sahil in his arms while fwding, so awwwwww! 😚😚😚

oufff more drama with these damn reports, when we already know that they’ve been fucked with. 🙄🙄🙄

lol the doctor’s expressions at these three scary bitches. 😂😂😂

jesus christttt they kidnapped his kid. 😯😯😯

OMFG IS THAT ROMIIIIIII AS THE FUCKING NURSE?!!?!? 😲😲😲

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG SVETLANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😱😱😱

jesus christ, what a team of crazy fuckin’ bitchesssss. only person missing here is roop. 😦😦😦

also holy soap opera twist!!!!!!! 😨😨😨

lol svetlana’s pronounciation of “tsunami” 😂😂😂

how the helllllll did tia even get here this fast? 🤔🤔🤔

holy shitttt, MASTERSTROKE by tia, with that khoon and khaandaan dialogue. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

loving sAumya’s A+ “this bitch lyinnnnnnn’” face. 😂😂😂

never thought i would feel sorry for shivaay, but i do rn. 😶😶😶

battle of the bitchfaces! i don’t know who to support! i love them both!!!!! i support both!!!!!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

OH GOD PATNI SAUTAN MUQABLA JESUS CHRISTTTT ABOVE 🤦🏽🤦🏽🤦🏽

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OMGGGGGG THE THREE WITCHES AND THEIR POETRY. 😂😂😂

27th december

the orange lipstick is weirdly clashing with the rest of tia’s outfit and it’s distracting me. 😐😐😐

oh god, anika and her bullshit sanskaari pativrataa-ness. 🙄🙄🙄

i’m making the same face that tia is, at her patniiii waale dialoguebaazi. 😒😒😒

i’m glad tia found herself some supportive girlfriends and all, but did it haveeeee to be these fuckingggg crazies? 😩😩😩

HOW THE HELL DID ROMI EVEN FIGURE INTO ALL THIS???? LIKE, HOW DID THEY MEET AND FORM AN ALLIANCE? 😯😯😯

something about the way the svetlana actress talks bothers me so much. is she not indian? why does she have such a dodgyyyy accent? 🤔🤔🤔

her hair and makeup are A+ as always tho. 💁🏽💁🏽💁🏽

WAIT HOLD THE FUCK UP WHAT?????? SVETLANA IS TIA’S SISTER?!?!!?!?!?? 😦😦😦

ROMIIIIIIIIII IS THEIR SISTER TOOO?!!?!? WHAT THE FUCKKKK IS GOING ON!?!?!?? WHAT??? JUST WHUTTTTT!?!!?!?!?!? 😧😧😧

MY MINDDDDD IS FUCKINGGGGGGGGGGGGG BLOWNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

lmao the dramatic hand choreography tho 😂😂😂

that’s a realllly fucked up promise to take from 3 children all under the age of 10, mrs. kapoor. 🤐🤐🤐

jesus, my mind is still processing the fact that these three are sisters. such cray-cray! 😬😬😬

i fucking hate when shivaay wears vests that don’t match the pants of his suit. it looks ridiculous. 😒😒😒

“mujhe aap par yakeen hai.”

you shouldn’t. after the shit he did to you. aaaah, crazy love. 🙄🙄🙄

coz he’s a stupidass self sacrificial idiot. 😑😑😑

ok calm down, you didn’t REALLY die or anything. jesus. 🙄🙄🙄

sAumya’s role these days is just to run into shivaay’s room and proclaim something in a panic. BRING RUDRA BACK ALREADY! 😐😐😐

lmao what the fuck kinda question is that, it’s his kid, he’ll announce whenever the fuck he likes. besides, in desi culture, making an announcement before the 1st trimester is over is never done. 😒😒😒

lmao yeah bro, you look superrrrrr stoked. 😂😂😂

LOL THE PRESS IN THIS SHOW IS RIDICULOUS. WHAT KINDA STUPIDASS QUESTIONS. 😂😂😂

god these anika-tia confrontations are getting FUCKING RIDICULOUS. i’m not amused anymore. 😑😑😑

god this show has morphed into some other genre altogether overnight. 😕😕😕

what non brand video player is shivaay using to view this video lol 😂😂😂

ouffffo tia’s overactingggggggg. 🙄🙄🙄

lmaooooo mrs. kapoor and conservative?????? sure. 😂😂😂

mr. oberoi doesn’t quite want to divorce the comely mrs. oberoi yet. 😚😚😚

lmaoooo he just took HIS food and started eating. such concern for the mother of his unborn child. 😂😂😂

HE DIDN’T EVEN PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH. WHAT TERRIBLE ACTING. 😐😐😐

godddddd, such a contrived issue. besides, you should probably eat less salt these days, shivaay, better for your bp these days. 😋😋😋

WHY WON’T HE PUT THE DAMN SPOON IN HIS MOUTH LOL LIKE… THIS IS RIDICULOUSSSSSSSS 😂😂😂

DID NAKUUL THINK HE WAS OUT OF FRAME OR SOMETHING? IS HE DIETING? UPVAAS KA DIN? WHAT???

OK THE DIALOGUES IN THIS EPISODE HAVE ALLLLL BEEN FUCKING RIDICULOUS. 🙄🙄🙄

oh god, svetlana is back in her sari of horrors from the 2nd episode. 😬😬😬

gotta say, the kapoor ladies all have amazing hair. all of them. 💁🏽💁🏽💁🏽

why are the kapoors targeting only shivaay??? surely tej/shakti were the ones who fucked up 20 years in the past? 🤔🤔🤔

OMGOMGOMGOMG OM IS NAJAYAZZZZZZZZZ. EXPLAINS WHY HE’S NOT LIKE THE REST OF THESE FUCKING CRAZIESSSSS. BE FREEEEE, OM, BE FREEEEEEEEEE. 😇😇😇

28th december

preview: anika be using her patni veto power on anyone she comes across. including her pati. who’s back to manhandling her. 😡😡😡

what dai maa? huh? who? 🤔🤔🤔

ok nakuul calm the f down with the ~~~acting. 🙄🙄🙄

everything mrs. kapoor says sounds like a damned lie. she could say good morning to me and i’d have to go out to check if the sun was out. 😑😑😑

which oberoi saab? ka kaunsaaa beta? 😯😯😯

OH SPIT IT OUT DAI MAA 😒😒😒

ok, since the source of this is mrs. kapoor, i don’t believe it. she’s shushing the dai maa too. it’s gonna end up with shivaay being the najaayaz one, isn’t it?

@azurelakes​, @aaya-ranjha-mera​ and i had this theory fucking eons ago. (#throwback to the good old days when this show wasn’t such a godawful shitshow that drove the two of them and their good sense away.)

jhanvi couldn’t conceive? and then went on to pop out 2 kids after that perfectly at a more advanced age??? SOUNDS LEGIT. 😗😗😗

how you like ‘em apples now, shivaay? now that one of your brothers (or possibly you) is najaayaz?? 😊😊😊

MRS. KAPOOR IS A DAMN SNAKE WITH THAT VICIOUS SMILE. I FUCKIN’ LOVE IT. 😎😎😎

lol, shivaay recognizes a shakedown when he sees one. 😂😂😂

mrs. kapoor doesn’t blink. it’s very creepy. 😬😬😬

why’s shivaay looking so shocked? this was always the plan. did he suddenly decide he wanted to stay with anika and not bother to tell any of us? 😐😐😐

where the f is prinku off too, packing her bag? is she off to live in sin with rapey acp? 😒😒😒

ok om is like… almost 30ish? there’s no way the stamps from THAT year would be in the passport, coz the indian passport is renewed every 10 years. 🙄🙄🙄

1990? are you telling me omkara is fucking 26????? BRUH. COME ON. HE’S YOUNGER THAN ME??????? I CANNOT TAKE IT. I CAN’T. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT. 😫😫😫

ok shivaay, you’re being kinda weird about your uncle and aunt’s sex life. stop it. 😑😑😑

broooooo shivaay’s suit. the fuck. the worst. it makes him look so boxy and bloated around the middle. you know whose body structure he looks like he has in these damn “suits”???

dadi’s back, ok whatever no one gives a shit, BUT is om back???? i wanna seeeee my boyyyyyyyyy. where is heeeeeeeee?????? 🤓🤓🤓

he’s not really the one who cares about khoon and khaandaan, shivaay, you are. if you don’t give a f, then really, noone does. 🙄🙄🙄

dude. such abrupt. and rude. 😑😑😑

rightttt in the middle of the living room too. 😕😕😕

girl, why’re you arguing? like… this was always the plan. like… i don’t get why these two are being so weird about the divorce. 🙄🙄🙄

aaaaand we’re back to manhandling. so much for that apology. 😒😒😒

i know nakuul’s going for half lidded dopey romantic eyes, but he just looks high af. 😗😗😗

meanwhile, surbhi needs some anti-perspirant. 😬😬😬

“jaise uthaa ke laaya tha waise uthaa ke phenk doona tumhe”

THIS FUCKER. THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE. 😠😠😠😠😠😠😠

1. what was with the weird… dancey maneuver? 2. fuck this dude, man. 😡😡😡

just sign the papers and fuckin’ leave girl. i’ve been screaming this at you since the day you married this asshole. 😤😤😤

SIGNNNNNNNNNNNNN THEMMMM. AND DISAPPEARRRRRRRRRR. 😩😩😩

oh no, don’t you make ‘i love you’ eyes at her NOW, after you said what you said. 😒😒😒

kaun manager?  is this mishra??? if it is, damnnnnnn, mishra majorly hotted up, with the beard. 😍😍😍

STOP MAKING MOON EYES AT HER AND SIGN THE DAMN PAPERS. ANIKA, CAN YOU JUST LEAVE? 😑😑😑

at first i thought the pretending to sign was a bad acting thing on nakuul’s part, like yesterday’s pretending to eat thing, but nope, shivaay’s legit just pretending to sign in front of tia. he’s not ready to let go of wifey yet. 😗😗😗

just torture and toy with her, like a baagad billa with its prey. 😒😒😒

mishra knows his boss well. good redemption of mishra track. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

fuck your dopey i love you eyes, asshole. fuck them to the depths of hell.👿👿👿

29th december

preview: jfc, tia’s out to murder anika like a vengeful mother in law who didn’t get the dowry she demanded. 😬😬😬

girl why even talk to him? just leave without saying a single word. you know the silent treatment gets to him. 😐😐😐

lmao please, shivaay’s never been “bhala-changa” a day in his damned life. 😂😂😂

anika, you’ve gotten a chance to “peecha chudaofy” him from your life, and instead of taking it and running as fast as your feet can take you, you’re standing here asking why??? 😶😶😶

can anyone say stockholm syndrome? 😐😐😐

“aap insaan nahi, ek bhool bhulaiyya hai, jisme main phas ke reh gayi hoon.”

one line summary of the lead couple’s relationship in every single 4 lions show ever. 😕😕😕

god, i feel so bad for her. why is she in love with this assholeee????? 😭😭😭

don’t you dare turn and look at her with your puppy eyes… 😒😒😒

… damnit, WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!!?!? DON’T!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU. 👿👿👿

oh sahil’s here to witness this too. poor kid. 😭😭😭

lol pinky thanking the gods in the bg. 😂😂😂

did his hair change all of a sudden? 🤔🤔🤔

lol, she had the box in her hand in the shot BEFORE tia comes to give it to her. 😂😂😂

nice of tia to buy anika the kinda shoes that she likes. such niceness, even when she’s trying to be a bitch! 😇😇😇

what do you mean, sAumya? 🤔🤔🤔

okaaaaaaay, setup for overly dramatic parting statement. 🙄🙄🙄

lol tia’s “BITCH, WHAT NOW?!??!?!” face when shivaay calls out to anika. 😂😂😂

… um, okay????? 🤔🤔🤔

oh hooooooooooo. code thaaaaaa. guess you have to be IN the dysfunctional relationship to really get it. 😐😐😐

why can’t open communication and honesty be these assholes’ kink? do they have to getttt off on these damn mind games? 😒😒😒

I CAN’T STOP FIXATING ON HIS HAIR. SOMETHING’S DIFFERENT!?!??! DID HE GET A HAIRCUT BETWEEN SCENES? 😣😣😣

also the happiness on his face that she got his hint. cute. 😙😙😙

6 months to divorce. really? i’m sure if shivaay wanted, he could throw his naam, paisa, power at the judicial system to get it expedieted tho? 🤔🤔🤔

ouff, overly sanskaari statement on bahuein and sasuraal. so much eye rolling. 🙄🙄🙄

sAumya + jhanvi’s happinessss. goddamnit anika, whyyyyy couldn’t you fall for om and be part of THAT famjam? 😩😩😩

cannot able to stop marvelling at the kapoor girls’ hair game. A+, truly amaze. keep it up. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

trouble among the ranks. tia’s going rogue. 😬😬😬

aaaaand his hair is back to looking like it was before. WHAT IS HAPPENING!?!?! I NEED TO SCREENSHOT AND COMPARE. 🤐🤐🤐

husband is having issues with admitting. 😆😆😆

lol chonchlebaaz. 😂😂😂

F word has been invoked! (farak. the almighty F word of 4 lion shows)

these two and their weird fucked up foreplay. why can’t you just go for dinner like NORMAL ppl??? 🤦🏽🤦🏽🤦🏽

RETURN OF DADI AND HER GODFORSAKEN RASMS. 😒😒😒

i love bitch!Tia. i do. i just do. 💗💗💗

lol romi as a MAN. honestly. 😑😑😑

please, dadi’s never gonna get it. 🙄🙄🙄

does tia not know that LPG has a godawful odour added to it for the express purpose of letting ppl know if it’s leaking in the room? all indians are taught this in like 6th grade? 🤔🤔🤔

pft. as if tia would everrrrrrr talk to the help. 🙄🙄🙄

sAumya, for fucks sake, you were supp to be the smart one. 😑😑😑

why did anika change clothes and straighten her hair for this? 🙄🙄🙄

ok, what was the point of that interaction with sAumya, really??? half the scenes in this show are such time wasters. 😒😒😒

also, didn’t either of them smell the leaking gas???? 🤔🤔🤔

someone’s become totally pativrata and shit. 😐😐😐

anika, that paneer looks kinda off. 😕😕😕

“c'mon anika, maachis jalaao AUR MARO!” lolololol 😂😂😂

the second best dialogue by tia after “dobin, aaj humari anniversary hai AND YOU’RE DEAD!” 😂😂😂

tia, you fucking idiot, should you be standing this close??????? TO AN EXPLOSION YOU YOURSELF PLANNED??? 😒😒😒

30th december

don’t worry tia. everyone dies. eventually. 😋😋😋

anika doesn’t know how to use matches, apparently. 😐😐😐

oh tia. tumhara toh pappu ban gaya. 😂😂😂

dude these idiotic kapoor sisters. why can’t they just whatsapp their shadiness like the rest of us? 😒😒😒

svetlana looks much nicer in a bindi. 😗😗😗

it’s ridiculous to see jhanvi just reduced to handing tej files, when we know

she’s smarter than him at businessy stuff. fuck this garbage. 😒😒😒

today i learned: om has a kitchen garden. 😊😊😊

RUDRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! *tackles him in a hug* 🤗🤗🤗

lmao shivaay’s panicked little startle. i think he’s thinking of sahil’s jala hua tiffin box. 😂😂😂

pinky’s face tho. *snort* 😆😆😆

jesus christ anika, how the hell do you have a catering business when you cook like this? 😟😟😟

to be fair though, other than the fact that the paneer looks a little… CRISPY (burnt), it looks harmless. go on shivaay. have a bite. 😋😋😋

this he actually tastes, but two days ago, the spoon was hovering 3 feet away from his mouth? i don’t understand nakuul’s acting methods. 🙄🙄🙄

“bete se khaana cheenegi, BHOOK LAG RAHI HAI MUJHE!”

lmao what a fucking idiot. 😂😂😂

props to him for… lying FOR her, anyway? 😏😏😏

“bhaiyya!! yeah kaise bhookon ki tarah behave kar rahe ho!” *snort*

haha he ate all the paneer from it. such chichorapan. 😂😂😂

“AUR HAI??!??! i mean… AUR HAI!!!!” 😂😂😂😂😂😂

meanwhile svetlana di is still trying to unsuccessfully rein in tia, who’s champing at the bit. 😐😐😐

pffffffffft. consider this stomachache just desserts for the shitty thing you said a while ago. 😑😑😑

“paani bhi garam mat karna kyunki woh bhi jala dogi!”

snort. full disclosure. i haveeeee put on a pot of boiling water and forgotten about it and proceeded to burn the pan. BUT THAT WAS JUST THE ONE TIME, OKAY??? I’M QUITE THE MASTERCHEF OTHERWISE! 😇😇😇

when i feel like it. which is not often. left to my own devices, i mostly survive on popcorn and takeout. 😶😶😶

oh no. she’s gonna attempt a saira bano next. please don’t, anika!!! 😣😣😣

holy shit another dude with a chutiya choti. i got scared that daksh came back. 😱😱😱

oh prinku’s really on an outdoor trip???? lol i thought she was lying. 😆😆😆

ok who plays frisbee standing THIS close to each other??? 🙄🙄🙄

of course the shitty ACP is going to be in the woods. 😑😑😑

what’s with his stupid new wardrobe of all sleeveless??? he doesn’t have arms thaaaaat great that he needs to show them off. 😒😒😒

oh anika, don’t. don’t! you’re just going to… 😬😬😬

… aaaand there. knew that was gonna happen. 😐😐😐

acp seems to have given up his day job to be a full time rapey stalker now. what a fucking loser. 🙄🙄🙄

ok tia, that’s a fucking laaaaaarge pool of oil. be more conspicuous, girl. 😐😐😐

also, what a stupidddddd fucking plan this is.

lo. chandni bhi toot gayi. ffs anika, what the hell are you doing with your chappals that they have such short lives???? 🤔🤔🤔

who puts bananas in the fridge????? what is wrong with the oberois????? 😧😧😧

who this new servanttttt? he’s unusually hunky. kuch toh gadbad hai. 🤔🤔��

does tia just carry behoshi waale pills around with her at all times, coz she’s evil? 🙄🙄🙄

fwding through this coz i saw it all in the preview anyway. 😶😶😶

tia, you’re pregnant, should you be hauling a fully grown woman around??? 😕😕😕

lol, there she goes, in the fridgeeeeee. 😂😂😂

why’s the FRIDGE full of ice?? 😐😐😐

looks like shivaay’s anika sensor is on for a change. 🙄🙄🙄

jesus, tia. at least shut the curtains before seducing him??? the room has at least 2 full walls of glass. 😬😬😬

snort, anika did not anticipate that patidev would be more than happy to play along with her happily married schtick. 😚😚😚