#the worst thing is some classes i used to think were fun arent anymore

[junhuisorbit]

not to sound like a broken record but uh a bitch could do with a hug :((

[pinkvhs]

this has been a long time coming

ive detached from jack / dont watch jack anymore. i’ve poured so much into this story that involved the egos that i just....can’t let it go. so, im making ocs for the story instead. 

inspired by @lilakennedy . . . here is some info about my boys

Marvin the Magnificent➜ Marvin Lir MacKenna 

age: 27- from the 1920s

Brown wavy hair that goes to past his ears a bit

Blue eyes

Height: 5′7″

irish & welsh ( mother from wales father from ireland ) 

an illusionist / performer 

 Stage performance & regular attitude are a complete 180. Very bold on stage and confident but once he is off he is more reserved and calm

Best friends with Daniel

Knew Daniel for years, since they were around 10 years old. Extremely close bond.

Doesn’t believe in spirits but is very cautious / superstitious 

Gets powers whenever he and Daniel accidentally summon Phonus at Daniel’s Birthday/Halloween party. When it was just the two of them alone. 

He tries to attack Phonus since the monster killed Daniel 

but once he made contact with the demon, he was immediately teleported into our timeline. He took some of Phonus’s powers as a result 

He ends up getting burn marks on his arms/hands and face due to trying to physically fight Phonus when he was furious 

He has powers now, some he doesn’t know he can do yet. But his powers are: ✪= Not used often. ✦= strongest. ✧=weakest

✦ Empathic Element Manipulation ✦✪Fire Manipulation, ✦✪Necromancy, ✦Telekinesis,✦Kinetic Charging

✧✪Electricity Manipulation, ✦Magical Wall Generation, ✦Teleportation, ✧Intangibility, ✧Healing Hands, ✦✪Naturakinetic Combat

Riley finds him and helps him on his feet to find a place to stay

The two of them become close friends eventually, it takes a long time for Marv to warm up to people in this strange new environment- still tortured by that night. 

He blames himself for Daniels death every day. 

With his new unknown powers, he tries to go back in time to stop all this from happening. 

He opens up about his powers to Riley and the truth. 

Riley is beyond amazed that powers and magic exist, he tries to help Marv with his powers. 

He ends up needing to find a sort of job to stay at his home, so he tries the one thing he loved- entertaining people. With his magic, he dumbfounds audiences. 

However, once things were just looking up, his fire magic (the strongest) goes wrong.

He ends up catching a stage set on fire, causing injuries to hundreds. 

He panics. Riley tries to calm him down. But he can’t take it, he is convinced that he is destined to cause harm with these powers. 

He vanishes to a place by the sea and isolates himself, causing people to believe he died in the fire accident. 

He spends his time trying to prefect time travel and is consumed by isolation. though, he does attract wild life to him. they are very at ease with him

Refuses to use his fire magic 

One day, he comes across Viktor’s body on the shore. He takes him in quickly to his small home that he protected in case Phonus ever finds him.

He revives Viktor to come to. The stranger is a total mess and he tries to heal the man, but Viktor grabs him on reflex. So the man patches himself up

The two live together for a few months as the injuries heal up

Viktor convinces him to visit Riley again, so he does.

He teleports there and leaves a note stating that he is alive. He can’t bring himself to see Riley face to face

In the end, he tries to fight off Phonus. He fails miserably

He returns to his home, having Riley there with him. He gives Riley his powers because he doesn’t want to die and these powers go back to Phonus.

He trusts Riley with his life

Once Riley is given the powers, he passes away.

When his body is all alone peacefully at rest in the home, without any magic to protect it, Phonus finds the body

But no magic

The demon still takes the body. Using it to wake him up again and look into his mind to find out where the powers have gone

He remains a soul bounded victim to Phonus and reunites with Daniel

Both under Phonus’s control

Chase Brody➜ Noah Oliver Dodge

age: 29 - from our timeline

messy brown hair thats dyed blonde at the tips of it

brown eyes

Height: 5′9″

American

Dropped out of university and works part time at a local electronics store

loves to break things and try to fix them up again and make it totally new! 

has a passion for computers and likes to make his own computer 

he also loves film and had dreams of making a film 

a disaster cook but god help him he tries 

Father of 2 girls 

childish and fun loving 

reckless at times 

loves nature and going on walks / hikes 

met his wife in high school (been together since they were 16) 

they go to the same university, his wife studying to be a nurse 

at 18 he accidentally gets her pregnant and her parents arent the happiest about it

they get married at 19 

he becomes a stay at home dad and drops out to take care of their baby till she finishes nursing

they end up having another child once they get a small apartment together 

his daughter is friends with Viktors daughter and thats how the two families meet 

His wife actually works with Viktor and didn’t know at the time

his wife divorces him because, even though she does love him, she can’t keep working like this just to get by. she needs security and they dont have it. 

he is allowed to see his kids still but at the time it was very painful for him

he lives alone in that apartment, often calling Viktor to talk and invite him over so he doesn’t do shit he regrets 

he talks about how Viktor is so lucky to have such a wonderful life and wishes he could have that (since he doesn’t know the truth)

Viktor and Noah become very close and often have their kids over at each others houses

he hears news that Viktor is missing and becomes a mess. he is alone and doesnt know what to do. 

he tries to make it known that he is missing online, making posts and videos as much as he can to get peoples attention 

he visits the Valentin house hold and offers his wife any help thats needed, despite knowing all the turmoil they went though. he cares about the kids and doesn’t want them to worry. 

Henrik Von Schneeplestein➜ Viktor Alexis Valentin

age: 32 -from our timeline 

short grey hair

extremely pale blue eyes

pale, almost sickly skin 

Height: 6′2″

German

Doctor that specializes in internal medicine (meaning he focuses on helping adults) but also is a surgeon

Father of 3 girls

loves to bake! 

a hopeless romantic actually

he is very cold and standoff ish but once he loves you, he LOVES you

blunt to a fault still though

cares about people. more so than his own well being

extremely loyal

met his wife in university. he took an anatomy art class 

his wife helped him improve his drawing skills and the two became close

he fell for her very hard 

they get married and live in a house that they saved up for (with extra help from both of their parents)

once settled, they have their children 

his wife is a biology teacher with a minor in art teaching! 

he takes family trips whenever he can to the beach! his kids love the ocean!

he comes home one day to find his wife cheated on him- he suspected this for a while now. he found a shirt underneath the bed, thinking it was just a gift for later down the road for christmas or something. he went to fix it when a piece of paper fell out of the pocket. her phone number

he never gets mad at her. he blames himself

he thinks he isnt perfect enough

he becomes extremely distant and cold, more than before. never knowing when to bring it up

the two of them grow apart but still live together

they make sure not to worry their children though, they dont want them to think its their fault. 

he never brings up this information to Noah because he doesn’t want him to worry. 

very envious of Noah though and wish he would smack him. Noah has a wife that loves him and he wishes that Noah could wake up and see that and fix his actions. 

he does break down one night and tell Noah everything that happened

one day at the office, a man came in with a horrible neck injury. 

he typically sees people who just need some medication or the worst injury being a bite from a dog, but even that wasn’t bad. 

he rushes to take care of the stranger. once they were alone for a brief second, he gets trapped inside. 

Phonus used Daniels body in order to get to the Doctor. He attacks and possesses Viktor. 

Once Phonus is done using Viktor, he takes him to a cliff near the sea

He is snaps his neck and lets the body fall into the ocean. 

Eventually, he washes up to shore where Marvin is

he stays with marvin for months while he heals up himself, he refuses to get any magic help

once he decides to leave marvin has a hard time letting go, he is worried viktor will fall victim to phonus again 

he leaves to go home but once he reaches the steps, phonus finds him again. 

Jackieboy Man➜ Riley Lee Young

age: 23 - from our timeline 

very curly blonde hair

green eyes

skin that tans pretty easily 

the most muscular out of the lads but isnt extremely buff 

Height: 5′6″

American

Lives alone in a small apartment 

a college student, unsure what to major in but possibly wants to be a vet

LOVES animals! 

a vegetarian ! 

a pretty good cook actually! 

has a heart of gold and sees the best in most people, though he isn’t stupid. he knows there are terrible people in the world that can’t change and deserve punches to the face

he watches pets and volunteers at animal shelters!

he also babysits Viktors kids to get some money

was kicked out of his home. Viktor found out about it and bought him a small apartment to live in. (he would of offered Riley to stay but he has issues at home that he doesn’t want to subject Riley to on the daily)

he is the girls big brother figure and he loves to pay pretend with them ! 

He meets Marvin and they eventually become friends

he helps Marvin gain back confidence, giving him a place to stay, and helps him actually feel . . at home in this timeline 

when he finds out the truth that marvin is from the 1920s and has powers he cannot get over how cool it is! calling him a super hero and showing him comics that he has. he helps marvin try to get a better hold on the powers

he was around whenever the fire accident with marvins powers happen, he tries to calm marvin down but ends up alone. left to wonder what happened to his friend. 

When he has to start university up again he has to let the Valentin family know that he can’t be around as much as before but will try to help out if needed 

Viktor’s wife ends up calling Riley one day and begs him to come to the house as soon as he can for Viktor has been missing for days now

Riley puts up posters and gets the news out that Viktor is missing as much as he can around the city. 

He still goes to university but spends a lot of time in the Valentin household. Visiting on holidays and the girls birthdays. Having no news of Viktor. 

he later on gains marvins powers, his mainly being electricity and strength. 

he is set on finding phonus and fixing things for marvins sake 

Jameson Jackson➜ Daniel Edmund Thomas

age: 27 - from the 1920s

slicked short black hair

brown eyes

Height: 5′7″

British

a charming, bold, charismatic man 

an actor and musician, exceptionally good on piano

very witty and clever

lives a rather extravagant life 

very close friends with Marvin, trusts him with his life

on his 27th birthday on Halloween, he throws a party

he loves to mess around with guests and asks Marvin if they can have a a seance

they try it to entertain the guests, but nothing happens (to marvins relief) 

the party continues on till its just marvin and him by the end of the night

they try again to contact from the beyond

they succeed 

he comes face to face with the demon. an invisible hand causing him to kill himself. making Marvin watch 

he becomes Antiphonus’s personal toy 

his mind becomes warped and he loses all sense of who he used to be

he tries to fight back, but once he does, his tongue is cut out of his mouth. never to be able to voice for help again 

his body now bound to Phonus becomes a personal pin cushion. being cut open and inspected to see how far humans have come with healing themselves. to see how far a human body can handle things

being trapped with phonus he starts to believe that Marvin caused his death. he believes everything phonus tells him and is set on killing marvin 

he becomes very aware of realities all thanks to Phonus. 

Antisepticeye➜ Antiphonus

age: unknown. 

an immortal being / demon

seems to have been around for centuries 

first appears invisible, then a shadow figure, to a pitch black faceless figure that takes on more of a human shape - till finally, he appears to look like Daniel 

he is fascinated with humans, very curious and destructive 

he takes Daniel in as a host. he rests inside of Daniel’s body till he is strong enough to mimic the physical outer appearance of him

when he possesses people becomes stronger. he doesnt have full control right away, it takes him a bit of time to warm up once again to how powerful he used to be. 

he can see into his victims mind when possessing them, he knows all what Daniel knows / remembers. Daniels fame, fears, friendship. family, love- he knows it all. 

He uses this to his advantage to keep Daniel around without fighting him back- using Marvin against him

he is after the powers that he accidentally gave to Marvin on impact

he travels to the dimensions he has access to and time lines in hopes to find Marvin, taking Daniel along with no choice

he lands in our dimension and timeline to sense that his powers are close by

He ends up sabotaging Marvin’s performance with fire magic in order to kill him or capture him but it fails- he looses sight of him

While he is searching through the streets, he over hears talk about the human body. He comes across Viktors practice building and opens the door a crack. He can sense so many souls and blood in that building and gets vastly curious. He notices people injured and ill, waiting for care. He hatches an idea. 

 He returns to Daniel and possesses his body. He takes Daniel to an alley way close to the building, away from the eyes of others. He grabs the sharpest thing he can find and plunges it deep into the side of his neck and carves it out slowly and rips it out. 

He quickly makes Daniel reach the building and barges in, causing everyone to look on in horror. The nurses there rush to his aid as Phonus makes Daniel gasp and hold his neck to try to stop the bleeding. Nurses page for Viktor asap as they get Daniel to a stretcher and room fast.  Viktor arrives shortly after and is fast to help Daniel. Daniel just looks at Viktor and tries to nod. 

Once the nurses leave for a brief moment and its just him and Viktor, Phonus makes the door lock them inside.

Viktor goes to inject him with medication but Daniel reaches out and grabs Viktors arm. He say to Daniel that he knows needles are scary but you need this now, let go please. Daniel sits up and twists Viktors arm, causing Viktor to wince in pain while looking shocked. 

He grabs Daniels hand with his free one and tries to pry it away, but can't. Daniel kicks him away, causing him to stumble and fall to the ground. He gets up from the bed. The lights inside the room begin to flicker faster and faster. Electronics in the room flickering on and off, radios and tv consumed with fast stations, fluctuating volumes, and static. Viktor gets to his feet and hears all this noise and sees this horror in front of him. 

Phonus leaves Daniels body, causing Daniel's wound to disappear. Phonus stands in front of him.

He gets inside of Viktors mind to find all that he can about the human body and the amount of pain that it can handle. 

He sees in Viktors mind a young man with curly blonde hair. And for a brief moment inside of Viktors mind, he sees Marvin 

in the end he ends up taking Marvin captive but finds that the powers are gone. 

he keeps marvin around because he sees too, that he gave that blonde boy his powers

so he is on the hunt for Riley 

[bakudekwho]

Fireflies - Bakugo Kastsuki x Reader

Fireflies - Bakugo Katsuki x Reader - 3.1k words

      Bakugo had always found himself enraptured by your presence and hated himself for it but when he saw you sneaking out of the dorms every night his interest only grew stronger until he found himself following you out into the woods quite late in the evening. Only to find you doing something not so conspicuous as he had initially imagined.

( YG/N ) - Your given name

( YL/N ) - Your last name

( H/C ) - Hair color

( E/Y ) - Eye color

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Masterlist                           Wattpad and Ao3 posts available on the masterlist

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       Bakugo couldn't understand why you of all people, one of the most goody two-shoed people in the class snuck out of the dorms almost every night. He himself wasnt known to pay much attention to his other classmates but you had always interested him and when Class 1-A had moved into the dorms the interest only grew.

      At the beginning of the year, he paid no more attention to you then he would a speck of dust, just like the rest of the students but as the year went on he began to notice things, you weren't scared of him at all maybe you found his anger and harsh temperament startling from time to time but in the end you always ended up laughing him off. At first that had bothered him... A lot... maybe more than a lot he loathed you for quite some time if he was being honest. He couldn't understand why you sought to beat him and that stupid nerd in everything as well. He and Deku may be at the heart of the rivalry but in every competition you were right behind them, it annoyed him at first just like his hatred for you did but after a while, he began to notice other less annoying things about you which only managed to make him more annoyed.

      He didn't need distractions so when he began to pay more attention to you he only got a worse attitude when you were around. You sat in front of him in class and he always found himself staring at the back of your head during Mic's English lessons or noticed his eyes following you when you found your seat with Deku and the rest of his loser friends at lunch.

      When this started happening he only found himself adopting a meaner personality than usual with you but again you just continued to laugh at his attitude. More than anything about you he hated the fact that he had zero impact on you while sometimes the only things that would pop up in his mind were stupid facts about you.

      The first night he had witnessed you sneaking out was a school night, it was very unlike him to be up past 9 pm, he was an early riser after all and needed his sleep but it was the first time he had actually lost track of time wondering about you. He was staring absent-mindedly out his front-facing window when he noticed movement down the yard. He looked down to notice your unmistakable head of (h/c) hair ( he could identify it quite well after all he spent a lot of time looking at it ) but he was confused as to why you were out. Curfew was a solid 8 pm and they got in a decent amount of trouble if they were found outside of the dorms any later. He glanced at his clock and it read 10:23 pm. He was upset with himself for staying up so late but he continued to watch you none the less instead of going to bed.

      You looked up at the school building, you were clearly checking to see if anyone was watching you. His lights were off so he doubted that you could see him but he refrained from moving anyways. Seemingly satisfied that no one was watching you you started quickly down the path away from the dorm into a wooded area. He was highly confused at this point and didn't understand why you had left the dorms at such a late hour and without anyone else at that. He knew he should just go to bed and ignore it but he couldn't help waiting up for you even if you didn't know it. The world wasnt safe for UA students anymore he was only doing his duty as a hero right...?

      It had been nearly an hour before you returned, his clock read 11:15 pm and he noticed that you were now carrying a glowing jar. Being so far away he couldn't tell what was in it other than flickering light but he again had to refrain from moving closer to the window to get a look. Your quirk didn't have anything to do with creating light so this only interested him in your situation more. Though after you had entered the building he refused the thought of leaving his room to confront you. That would mean admitting that he had noticed you leaving ad coming back and he refused to acknowledge that he cared one bit.

      This went on for some time, he would watch you leave ever night and come back with the same jar of glowing light. His sleep schedule now became accustomed to staying up until you came back every night. He always made an excuse for himself about it, never actually thinking of the fact that maybe he just cared about what you were doing literally EVERY night of the week.

      He had enough at about the 17th time it happened... not that he had been counting or anything like that. He waited at the entrance to the boy's side of the dorm ad you walked right past him. He waited a few seconds after you had walked out of the building before following you. He followed behind you for about 15 minutes before you moved past the tree line and into a clearing. It was the same one where you and the rest of his dumb classmates help picnics on the weekends but it was now quiet and he could see little sparkling orbs flying around.

       You moved into the clearing as sat under the single tree that inhabited it. Bakugo didn't go past the treeline in his fear of getting caught so he just watched you. Before he knew it there were floating lights all around the clearing. It took him a few moments to realize they were fireflies or lightning bugs as some people would call them and he finally came to the conclusion that the jar you brought home every night had fireflies in it.

      He felt stupid, he had thought of some of the worst scenarios when he watched you leave school but this was not one of them. You left the dorms every night to simply enjoy nature and him being an idiot thought you were off meeting some boy from the other classes.

      Feeling more like a stalker now than ever just standing there staring at you as you stared at the bugs with the jar empty behind you he turned to leave.

      " I know you're there Bakugo one of your talents is not stealth no matter how you excel at everything else. " he stopped short as your voice rang out over the clearing.

      He was practically frozen. " You're not very covert, " you continued " maybe if you're going to watch me through the windows you shouldn't sit pressed up against the glass. "

      You had seen him??? He was sure your eyes had passed right over his dorm each time but maybe you were a lot sneakier than he thought.

      He turned around and walked past the remaining trees and into the pale light of the clearing. " If you noticed me beforehand why didn't you just say something? " He asked. There was no point trying to come up with an excuse especially if you had seen him all the previous times you had left.

      You brushed off his question " They are very pretty arent they, where I lived before we came to the dorms was so populated that they were a rare sight. " You finally looked over at him and he decided that one of the few things he didn't hate was the way the light from the bugs reflected in your eyes.

      " Come sit with me, there's no reason for you to be standing there, this is the best place to watch them from. " You said eyes drifting away from him and back to the fireflies.

      He didn't know what he was doing, he should head back to the dorms and get some rest but disregarding that he strode over to you and took a seat leaning up against the broad base of the tree.

      This had to be one of the most ridiculous things he had ever done and he couldn't believe you weren't angry at him. He had practically stalked you into the woods in the middle of the night who even does that???

      He had obviously lost himself in thought once again because all of a sudden you were laughing and he felt his ears turn pink. " What are you laughing at.. Extra " the word on the end was almost added as an afterthought but he couldn't bring himself to call you anything else.

      " Well Katsuki, " you said using his given name causing his face to feel hot " your face looks funny. " That shocked him, he was normally the blatantly rude one but now he was the one being made fun of.

      " Oh yeah and what's so funny about it? " He said

      " It gets all scrunched up when you lose yourself in your mind, for someone who hates Izuku so much you two have a lot of the same habits. " You said plainly to him.

      He felt himself sputtering at that "How... How dare yo- " he began before you cut him off.

      " Would you like to catch some lightning bugs with me? " you said amid his sentence. He couldn't help staring at you with his jaw slack then. What was even happening in his mind? Did he actually ... want to do that with you, what a childish notion but all the same when you held out an extra jar to him he found himself accepting it and standing alongside you.

      " I usually get around five, some of them fly too high for me to get so you might have better luck! " you said. You wandered around the field trying to gently coax some of the bugs into your jar. Bakugo just followed not even attempting to catch some of his own and just watched the delight in your face as you walked around after the small insects.

      You turned and smiled at him and he could swear his heart skipped a beat. " You know I can't sleep without a light... " you started turning away from him again " So I come out here and get natures own light and bring it into my room. " You finished catching your third bug.

      If anyone else had told him that he would have been on his ass laughing but it only endeared you to him more. You always came off as such a badass during school competing with even him for attitude on occasion and yet here you were catching your homemade nightlights and spilling what should be embarrassing secrets right to him.

      " Why would you tell me that of all people? " he asked " You hate me.. " he ended it with stopping short. He finally said it out loud the thing that bothered him most about you. No matter how fascinated he was with your personality... you absolutely detested him and it all of a sudden felt wrong for him to be anywhere near you. Someone so good shouldn't be around someone as crude as him and that's what he hated, he hated that even for you he couldn't change himself he couldn't tone down the explosive attitude that came with his power because he had been doing it for so long he didn't even know how to.

      You turned around and capped your jar of bugs and set it down on the ground behind you lightly before reaching out for his. He offered it up with no resistance he hadn't even tried to gather some of his own and now he regretted it, maybe it would have stopped him from letting his emotions get the better of him a few moments prior.

      You placed his jar down on the ground net to yours and faced him again, he was ready for you to tell him that he was right, that you really did help him and he was no better than Mineta for following you out into the woods but you didn't. No, actually you walked right past him and over to the tree to sit down again and proceeded to pat the ground next to you once more.

      He once again should have left at this moment, he knew he couldn't handle the vulnerability that he had at this moment, he knew it was time to shut himself down once again but he couldn't help it and so he walked and sat next to you once more.

      You looked up at him and he really noticed the difference in height then and almost smiled. But he sat there and braced himself for you to talk.

      " I like you very much Katsuki you're very intelligent. I don't think I've hated you. " You said smiling at him.

      That astonished him to put it plainly, people often told him how amazing he was the yhad been doing it since he was little. It was always how strong he was or how intimidating. It was never on his intelligence which was maybe something he valued even more than his strength.

      He didn't know what to say but you continued to speak " At the beginning of the year I didn't understand why Izuku seemed to admire you so much, yes you were clearly very powerful and your control over your power was impressive but you were so rude to everyone at the beginning that I didn't get it for a while, so I started to pay attention to you. " You swallowed once and looked away from him before continuing " You are extremely smart and even when it seems like you don't have a plan you manage to execute things in ways I know our other classmates couldn't think of so I started to admire you too and when I noticed you watching me when I left the dorm I was worried at first that you would bring it up in front of our other classmates but you pretended not to know so I pretended not to notice either. " You finally looked back at him again smiling at the clearly dumbstruck look on his face. " I felt safer knowing that you knew which direction I went in after a while. All the league attacks made me worry about leaving the dorms for quite some bit but I knew that even if you didn't like me that much you would protect me. " You finished talking and stared up at the moon " You're going to make a great hero Katsuki I can tell even now because just being in your presence makes me feel safe. "

      The shock of your words finally settled in his stomach, " I ... make you feel safe? All I do is scream at you! " He exclaimed the first words that came to his mind without stopping himself.

      " Yes you do, King Explosion Murder. " You said giggling at him.

      His face turned red at the use of his stupid idea for a hero name... it had seemed cool at the time.

      " We should go back, " You said standing up and shoved the empty jar into your bag while you held the full one to your side " We wouldn't want to get you to put on house arrest again now would we? " You stated all but ignoring your emotional output a few minutes ago.

      This whole night seemed like one of not having control over his own body but he stepped towards you and took your face in his hands. Your eyes were filled with bewilderment as he leaned down and placed a kiss on your forehead and then proceeded to grab your hand.

      " You're right, let's go back." he couldn't look at you his face felt so red that he wouldn't let you see him like this and so he forged ahead with your hand in his right into the woods.

                                                        ---

      It took about 15 minutes to arrive back at the dorms and at no point did his hand leave yours. Even when he opened the door for you his own hand found its way back to yours as you both walked to the elevator. When you finally arrived at the part that split off from the boy's side to the girls he turned towards you again. " You said earlier that you thought I didn't like you. " He said looking down at you for the first time since the clearing.

      You hummed in agreement to this and looked down at your still clasped hands. " I'm now starting to think I might have been wrong. " You laughed grinning at him.

      " You definitely were. " He said leaning down once more to give you a proper kiss goodnight.

                                                          ---

                                                  +Bonus Scene +

      He yawned as he made his way down the stairs into the common area. He hadn't made it back to his room until at least 12:30 in the morning and he thanked whatever was out there that today was an off day for him and the rest of the class.

      He entered the common room and had to suppress a delighted smile as he saw you on the couch with Mina and Sero laughing at something one of them had said. He stuck his hands in his pockets and made his way over to where you all sat and tried to ignore the hot feeling in his face as he saw you light up at his presence.

      " Good morning Katsuki! " You said brightly to him and gave him a dazzling smile that almost made his heart explode right there. Mina and Sero both looked back and forth between yourself and him. Not even Kirishima was allowed to use his given name that couldn't be right, even a few of his other classmates turned around at this and ogled the situation before them.

      " Good morning firefly. " He said smirking at you, you smiled at the name and blushed a bit as he sat down right next to you and threw an arm right over your shoulders. Everyone now turned around at this point, they were used to him giving people nicknames but not... cute ones.

      He decided he was going for the wow factor today for sure as he made himself look deeply into your eyes and laid his lips down right on yours in front of the whole entire class.

      There was definitely a lot of gasping but what really made him smile was the high pitched scream from Kaminari " wHat ThE HeLl iS hapPeniNg!?!?! "

============================================================= 

       Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you have a super PLUS ULTRA day! 

[thewritingstar]

98 that’s a lot of questions I wonder if you could answer them all 🤔🙃

*Deep sigh and putting my hands together* BOI IF YOU DON���T THINK I CAN ANSWER ALL THESE BITCHES!! YOU COME INTO MY ASK BOX AND TELL ME “i WONDER” HOE DON’T WONDER ANYMORE. 

don’t come for me like this anon.....here ya go. 

smh

i answered all of these and it took forever so yall better read this shit

enjoy bitch

--

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

-Mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

-both im a sugar addict

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

-bubblegum

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

-prob either really quiet or really loud

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

-I hate soda

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

-I really like pastel and goth styles

7. earbuds or headphones?

-earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

-Both

9. favorite smell in the summer?

-Vanilla

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

-Flag Football (stealing the flags) and badminton

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

-dont really eat in the mornings but prob granola bar or left overs

12. name of your favorite playlist?

-Shower lol

13. lanyard or key ring?

-lanyard

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

-Sour gummi worms..that shit is CRACK

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

-Great Gatsby

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

-apple sauce or on one leg

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

-all black converse

18. ideal weather?

-warm and sunny

19. sleeping position?

-stomach, side, in a ball

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

-Laptop or phone

21. obsession from childhood?

-My little pony, littlest pet shop, Disney, elephants, Chinese food

22. role model?

-Tara Strong, Walt Disney, Francis Dominic 

23. strange habits?

-tugging my hair, biting my nails, wiggling on my heels like a penguin and going up stairs on all fours (when im home)

24. favorite crystal?

-answered

25. first song you remember hearing?

-American idiot- Green Day

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

-Eat 

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

-Eat

28. five songs to describe you?

-idk Cartoon theme songs lol

29. best way to bond with you?

-make me laugh or talk about disney

30. places that you find sacred?

-Flower gardens

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

-anything with my high heel boots

32. top five favorite vines?

-Road Work Ahead, Oh my god he on X Game mode, What the Fuck Richard, This house is fucking nightmare!, Happy one year babe! Im 27. 

33. most used phrase in your phone?

-YEET, Yall and bitch

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

-Stanley Steamer, The First5California.com song 

35. average time you fall asleep?

-now its 12 am -1 am... use to be like 10pm

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

-oh god that was so long ago i dont even know but it was one of the first ones like pepe or some some

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

-suitcase

38. lemonade or tea?

-raspberry ice tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

-dont like lemon in my desserts 

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

-A condom was thrown on my desk in french class (it was unopened thank god)

41. last person you texted?

-my mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

-Jacket pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

-HOODIE

44. favorite scent for soap?

-Vanilla or tropical

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

-Superhero

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

-Big shirt and no shorts (underwear obvi)

47. favorite type of cheese?

-I fucking hate cheese

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

-Strawberry or Lemon

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

-Its always fun to do the impossible- Walt Disney

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

-For my birthday my friend got my a “Sorry for your loss” card and i cried for 30 mins

51. current stresses?

-um everything..college and being the only snacc in my household

52. favorite font?

-comic sans

53. what is the current state of your hands?

-Still have both of them

54. what did you learn from your first job?

-That people are assholes 

55. favorite fairy tale?

-Disneys Rapunzel 

56. favorite tradition?

- My grandma got all the grandkids pjs on Christmas eve every year and we would wear them to sleep 

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

-Anxiety, Depression (sorta), Dropping my churro on the ground at Disneyland

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

-Quick Wit, Art abilities?, Standing on my head and making weird ass noises

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

-Already answered

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

-A really cool and cute magical one!!

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

-From Once Upon A Time, honestly they ave the best quotes. “So when I win your heart, Emma- and i will win it-it will not be because of any trickery, but because you want me”- Killian orrrrrrr He smells like forest”- Regina

62. seven characters you relate to?

-Juvia (FairyTail), Star (SVTFOE), Mabel (Gravity Falls), Maybec (Kingdom Keepers, sassy and artistic), Bubbles and Blossom (PPG) and Belle (beauty and the beast)

63. five songs that would play in your club?

-Boyfriend: BTR, Dancings not a crime: Panic!, Bang bang: Jessie, Ari and Nicki, Read you, wrote you: Drag race lol and Busted from Phineas and Ferb because I can

64. favorite website from your childhood?

-Webkinz, PetPetPark (STILL SALTY ABOUT IT) Club Penguin, Build a bear, Poptropica, i played every game yall

65. any permanent scars?

-only emotionally 

66. favorite flower(s)?

-Roses and water lilies..and every flower cause they pretty.. oh Dahlias too

67. good luck charms?

-petting my dogs. 

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

-Mango anything or Cherry. I hate cherry flavoring. 

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

-I have a great memory so i usually remember how i learned it, but.. Did you know that the water on the Jungle Cruise in Disneyland is 3 feet deep and dyed brown? Plus the water in all the parks is a special mix that doesn't contain chlorine because alot of people are allergic so its safe to touch? (learn from a disney doc)

70. left or right handed?

-right

71. least favorite pattern?

-those ugly ones on leggings.

72. worst subject?

-Math or english (haha and i like to write)

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

-Grapes and teriyaki sauce. if they on the plate. ill just dip them in. I have an addiction to teriyaki sauce. 

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

-I dont take any unless I have my period and my cramps are usually at a 10 so i try and take it when they at a 5

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

-when i was young 

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

-I LOVE potatos: Fries and mash are best plus baked. I HATE chips thou

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

-Any bright flower or ivy

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

-coffee, dont like sushi

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

-AHHHH my license is soooooo bad. I had strips of red in my hair (got it when i was 15-16) and i didnt know they took your pic at your permit test. Its awful. School is def better and my senior photo pops. 

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

-Jewel

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

-Fireflys (arent they the same?)

82. pc or console?

-Console 

83. writing or drawing?

-Both but im better at writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

-Podcasts but I dont listen to alot. 

84. barbie or polly pocket?

-I played more with Littlest Pet Shop and My Little Pony lol (i have 400) prob Barbie thou

85. fairy tales or mythology?

-oooooooofffff cant decide

86. cookies or cupcakes?

-oooooff i love both but cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

-wasting my life away.....or heights...certain bugs

88. your greatest wish?

-to be happy and have all my dreams (life, job, romance,etc) happen. Plus going to every Disney Park in the world.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

-Depends on the situation but sometimes you need to take care of yourself before others. If you arent doing good, how the hell you suppose to take care of others. 

90. luckiest mistake?

-hmmm idk being born

91. boxes or bags?

-depends on what im carrying but prob bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

-I love fairy lights

93. nicknames?

-any mispronunciation of my name, Dean, Big D (yes people call me this), Star, Sassafras and some more that yall dont get to know :) You can give me a nickname if ya want

94. favorite season?

-Spring and Summer

95. favorite app on your phone?

-Tumblr, Snapchat, Tsum Tsum 

96. desktop background?

- Its items from super mario and mario kart

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

- Eight

98. favorite historical era?

-oof im a history buff but I do love Greek and Roman because I love mythology...Maybe even 1800s.

hi if you got to the end of this then I love you and for proof leave me a 🐰

[cipokleherberna]

How we end up with each other

It was Friday, in our highschool we have an event where we goes out to the nearest buildings to gather trashes and just basically clean up the whole place, and every month we got picked randomly, we got like 4-5 people per class, and she was there

I was always a shy kid, and never really talk to anyone, especially we were just like the first month of highschool, pretty much still being strangers to each others (or at least i think), and i see that sophie was pretty playful with each other, she talk with everyone else there, and she always talk with everyone who has positions in the class so i thought shes kind of unreachable

But, surprisingly, she came towards me and probably think about talking to me since nobody was, and she did, she talked to me, i remember her first question was, 'do you think that today is hot ?' i never get that kind of question before, she's doing pep talk ? with me ? i wasnt really falling in love with her, i still got a crush on a girl in my Junior Highschool Classmate that time, which of course i couldnt never tell because she would freak out by the fact that im a lesbian

and i think we got along pretty much, she likes talking with me, we have so much things in common, like how we ended up in that highschool because we didnt get accepted in our first choice, how we hate hot days, that we think the clothes our school made was terrible and other things

we talked and talked until we got back to our class, we have separated seats, so we had to stop talking, and i think after that happened, i saw her talking with the other kids, in the same fashion that she talked with me, so what i thought that we had something special was maybe wrong, she is a person who do that to anyone.

BUT at the same time, she suddenly Adds me on Facebook, i didnt tell her that i had facebook, well maybe, anybody has facebook back then so i thought 'well she might be just list every student in the class and adds them one by one, but then she chats me 'Hey, berna, its me, sophie'

and i was really shocked 'Hi, did you adds me just by sudden ?' and yeah she added me not because of the reason i thought, she adds me because she wants to talk with me more, she said im fun to talk with.

i was really happy that day, i thought, she is my first friend, and we are friends.

so closer to mid semester, we became really close, me and sophie have our own circle of friend, but most of the time, its just me and her, some classmates even teases us that we look like a pair of balls (as in penis), always stick together, and yeah, the more i knew her, the i realized that i fell in love with her.

and then, one day, i ask her something that might sounds unsual, but looking back at how close we were, we pretty much talk about unsual stuff all the time, and its pretty safe to ask ; what she thought about lesbians.

surprisingly, she said 'i used to have a friend, who was lesbian, had a crush on me and ask me to be her gf' and of course i asked 'who was it ? whats your reaction ? did you get disgusted by it ?', and she said 'shes a girl from a different class, but we were close, honestly, i think the reason she asked me to become her gf is because i kind of flirted with her and give her confidence to open herself, she was cute and i think if i was a guy, i would fall in love with her'

and i said 'does that mean that you had a girl crush on her at least a little too ?', and she started to become shy and said 'well, dont tell anyone.. yes, i think i did' and then i got shocked, i think that was unreal, so she really try so hard for me to keep it as a secret, and so i asked 'did you go out with her then ?' and she said 'no, i was running away, i wasnt ready for that, i thought lesbians was pretty bizzare to me at that age, and i also was having a big crush on a guy'

but i think, over the years, she might learn that it wasnt really that bizzare anymore, i think she's more open minded about it, which in itself, is a pretty great achievement to have that mindset on such young age in this country.

so i said 'do you have a crush on me ?' jokingly and she said 'stop haha im embarassed', maybe i was using a bit too much joking tone that she didnt answer them seriously

and because of that conversation, i started to open up myself too, a week or so after, i said to her 'what if im a lesbian ?' and she said 'what ? really ?? youre a lesbian ??' and i said 'yeah, i am, since i was little' and then she was shocked, but she didnt ran away, or making distance with me, instead she asks 'you must be keeping it silence your whole life, arent you ?' and i said 'yeah, this is the first time i open myself' and she replies 'why ?' and i answer 'because youre the closest friend i've ever had'

so she ask embarassing questions like do i have crush on any girls on the class, do i always gets bothered when boys flirted with me, do i tell my parents about it

well after that reveal, she didnt change, she still look at me as her best friend

and, there i was, saying to myself 'she is perfect' and i am determined to ask her out

so, almost at the end of the semester, i made a video, which is a way to express my feelings to her, i said everything on that video, and i sent her the video through her e-mail which afterward i think i made the worst mistake, and after a while, she replied 'are you sure that you felt those ? meet me at (the mall beside our school) and say it to me directly'

and i was panicking, i have to ask her out directly ?! i didnt know that it would turned out like that, i think i have ruined our friendship

so, the day after, we meet at the food court, and i started talking to her, and just basically said 'i like you, do you want to be my girlfriend ?' and then even that i have given up on what answer she will give me, i still want it to be a yes, and the answer was... 'can i just 'try' ?'

i was confused and asked her for explanation, what she meant by that was she want to just try being my girlfriend, since she never did it before with a woman, and if it didnt worked out, she can abort it anytime

i was kind of bummed out, but i guess if i wanted her, i have to give her the best thing i could give, and so i accept that and yeah, we became lovers.

since then, we act like besfriends, but i became her 'boyfriend' figure for her, i am her girlfriend after all, and at first she was really not into it, and by that i meant, she didnt look like she liked me, she cheats on me, she ignores me and everything, and i will tell the story of my struggle of being her GF, in the next post.

[moonprincessvhstapes]

word vomit -read if you please i guess

I hate being surrounded by people who probably think I’m a nuisance and can’t do anything right. I think one of the worst things for my self confidence has been becoming a drum major, and yet it’s afforded me some things I couldn’t live without. I’ve had people be down my back from day one criticizing my every move, and it’s never been people “I shouldn’t care about” it’s always the people who I thought would support me most. I thought things would be different from last year with how horrible a singular person treated me but now things are bordering on worse. At least last year there was a “villain” somebody with clear cut malicious intent that could be blamed and you could go “yep it was them” but its different this year. People who were supposed to come out of the dark with me ended up pushing me farther in while it feels like they get to leave. I get nagged on for everything. everything. I don’t understand. I’m one of band directors favorites, or at least I tell myself that because he’s also one of my favorite people and has helped me through a lot so i think i just want to think that. I’m president of my music honor society, I get nagged about that all the time even though im doing better than last years president. and a drum major, who is inept at being a leader i suppose. the one my band director used to go to all the time. Now I feel like ive been pushed out of the frame and i do nothing! And i think a lot of its in my head but my fellow high leadership nag me so much about every little thing and its like!! I guess i can’t do anything. Im a child incapable of individual thought and agency. And the worst part is theyre my friends. They arent bad people, they take care of me. Which is why i can’t and probably never will say anything.It feels like a circle of debt. How can i be unhappy with them when they buy me snacks, or drive me places. They’re more like extensions of parents at this point because i just get nagged so much. They argue everything i do or say. Im always wrong. Ill always be wrong, when am i not wrong? Ill never know. I make them laugh so they keep me around. Im like a court jester who they drag around and when im not making them laugh at a time that suits them im a fucking dipshit! That’s all I am.

And ive been pushed out and away from the one person who made my four years of high school bearable. It’s dumb but im super sad I dont hang out with my band director like i used to. Theres always so many people in his office all the time and i can never get a moment, but when I do it always boosts me up and im my happiest ever when im just hanging out with him. I feel empty when I make other people laugh, but my comedic qualities never feel soul sucking around him. Im happy to make him laugh!! He’s the true mentor I never had growing up. My parents christened themselves as examples of what not to do, though they still inspire me and have positive qualities and traits ill pick up. But my bd (band director) was the person I saw and said “I want to be like him when I grow up” and now it feels like im not special to him anymore. Like its stupid, hes a teacher ill stop talking to in essentially a month when i graduate but the thought of not having him around is unbearable. My band room used to be home but its not very much like that anymore. My bd is the best ever because I feel like he believes in me. He always tells me I need more confidence because he says he knows i can do more and be more. That means the world to me. I just couldn’t hurt him or break his heart though by telling him that the reasons my confidence is an empty shell of what it was because im in band right now and the people surrounding me. I just cant do anything right. I dont mind criticism, it is necessary, I understand it is, but everything. Everything is argued. I cannot do anything right, no good is done by me. 

And my friends can be under the guise of “we just want to help/we care/etc.” all they want but every time. every time i say or do anything. im never right. its grating and draining. theyre grating and draining. I bet if they saw this right now theyd just correct my grammar and disregard everything else, despite my writing this fervently with hot tears, because thats pretty symbolic of how things are for me right now. I think im not as effective of a leader as i used to be anymore either because theyve pushed me out of my spot. Not literally or even in the context of my band/clubs leadership. Like mentally and emotionally. Like i dont do things like i used to because im so used to being wrong or argued or something. I dont trust myself like i used to. WHich is why my bd always tells me to  be more confident but he doesnt know why im not. I cant do anything right. I dont want to hang around them anymore. 

They also make fun of me for my interests. theyre into cool and worldly shit like space and science but i like music. Music is the one thing im good at. Im of the best in our band and dammit i am fucking better then them at music but they still argue me on my music. i tried to give a presentation in english class about music in poetry one day and my one friend tried interjecting with music shit that they thought they knew but i ended up correcting them back DURING my presentation because i was talking to inexperienced people and i didnt want to spread misinformation. And yet they didnt interrupt anybody elses presentation. And like I cant like my anime or my art stuff without it being written off as stupid all the time. Like i use the term weaboo/weeb all the time and it never really bothers me except from them because anytime at all i mention something about anime/manga its immediately “Lol weeb” so i just dont talk about a very big thing that makes me happy. But they never shut up about space or science, and i listen because its noble, its cool to be into space and science, but the arts are just wholly less important i guess. I just live my life around them written off, useless. They “take care of me” so i dont talk back but if they knew how i really felt which theyll never understand, theyd know im just floating along. Its their world and i live in it i guess. I can feel them peeling away from me and just being friends with each other, and im not even mad about it. I hope it happens, theyre probably better for each other than they are with me at all and i hope i find people in college who will listen to me. 

i know its unfair to blame them for not understanding when i also say im not going to tell them anything, but theyve set a precedent in the past for not listening, its not like i havent tried. I just think things have run their course. 

I love music, my bd is the main reason i want to be a music teacher like him, the kids i teach at the middle school are also reasons i want to teach music. I just want to leave school already and then maybe i can start rebuilding myself into what i used to be. Just a humorous person who loves music. 

[chipsanddespair]

Clinton Naik

Argh, Im so angry today.

I dont know where this anger came from, but Ive just been cranky all day. I woke up and I just felt bored, and angry because of it, and so complacent and dissatisfied. My whole life, those who are in my life, my body, my bank account, where I stay…just, e v e r y t h i n g made/makes me unhappy. I want it to be better than it is right now. I just wanted some fun activity to wake up and do this Saturday. I wanted a partner to get up with me and motivate me. I wanted a house to myself to wake up and dawdle around in whilst I still woke up. I dont want a dog but I cant let him go. I do everything I can to make sure he is well taken care of still, but at the expense of my own happiness. He is a handful. He is too active and eats anything for any reason. Hes a bulldog but looks like a pitbull, so people judge him by his breed and I can tell they look at us like we are a part of a gang or something and it really pisses me off. It hadnt even reached midday yet and the downward spiral was beginning. I dont have that much money in the bank thanks to my obsessive need to pay back things and not be in debt. Even though Ive set it aside, as in most of what I earned this payday, I still feel snowed under and I will have to use my credit card and thus in turn, pay that back in the future. Earlier I was shown a bit of attitude from Beau about sending him some money to pay back for the times hed paid on my behalf. I thought I sent enough, I cant be sure because I didnt keep track of all the times and what that added up to in the end. Just know this, I have spent well enough on behalf of him too and havent seen compensation for that - it just set me right off to notice this ungrateful trait. I gave what I had left to him. He is the one that quit his job to pursue his passions and cannot control his impulsive preference for fresh cooked food (i.e. take out). This is a personal rant that probably wont make sense. Im not writing it to make sense to anyone. Im just letting whatever needs to come out, come out. Im still pissed off. I dont feel like this relationship works anymore. I dont want to take care of anyone else except myself, maybe I should re home the dog for my well-being. I try my best with him but its just getting too much. It does not help that we live in a small place unsuitable for dogs and we make do with the space we have but its just, no backyard equals poop stops out on the roadside. Anyone reading this would probably judge me, people tend to do that, and I totally get it. I kind of walk the same line as well sometimes. But argh, I just need to complain, pettiness and all. Because Im feeling better as I do it. I had a long phone call today with my Dad. I hadnt spoken to him in ages and it was nice to catch up. I got mad though, he has a knack for not listening. Or you say something and hell say something different as if he wasnt listening. Or hell retell a story hes told a thousand times. I need to be easier on the people who retell me stuff, I just have a big ego and that ego doesnt want to be seen as stupid. Im still mad, but better. I just want to get out of here, I want to drive a thousand miles in one direction and not have to worry about anyone else or any responsibilities. I caught my reflection in the mirror, I exhaled and relaxed my stomach and it spilled out. I look like Im pregnant and my back hurts because of all this weight. Does anyone ever get caught in that pit of despair where they just cant talk. I dont want to cry for help because Im angry at every single person I think Id meet, but I most definitely need some kind of help, or something, I dont know. Conflict is the worst. I need to hold on to hope, and cut this rage in half. Sit down with it for a bit and let it tell me what it needs to. Im not mad at anyone, I truly am not. Im disappointed, maybe, that people cant read my mind, or they arent empaths so they cant understand what I feel and give me what I need. So in turn, I need myself. This is just a slump. A rough patch on the windy road to happiness. They say happiness is a choice, and okay, I choose to be happy now. I have identified my anger, I have identified my dissatisfaction with my current relationship. I have identified that what I am doing now makes me feel somewhat better. I go back and forth still, angry and okay, angry and okay. An annoying song always played on the radio echoes in my head and it only serves to irk me. Is it wrong of me to want the hurricane to come down here and devastate. If it were only me, I would be all for it. No one else would have to get hurt. Im weird like that. I feel like I have such a mundane life that anything like fire drills, floods, tremors, anything that will rip me out of everyday life, those things will liberate me and I will have something else to live for. My basic needs will be more important than my need to go to work and pay bills and expenses. That I will have to survive and experience the thrill of survival rather than crawl through this oppressive corporate world. When I had a freak out like this, mid-January some time, or February. I remember just collapsing in on myself. I couldnt speak, I couldnt feel anything good. I lay down, I wasnt even sleepy, I cried and cried and every emotion was just desolate and I couldnt get up or eat. Beau was there however he could be, but its never quite what I think I need? I appreciate what he does, in all his limited knowledge, but theres something thats missing, compared to someone who has had years in this world and lived an involved and rich life, does that make sense? I need someone, who knows what its like to suffer and have come to terms with their torment, not someone who has known anxiety all his life and not fully reflected upon it. Its not his fault though. Nothing that happens to me is anyones fault, I must remember that. I choose who is in my life, and because of how I have chosen to go about things, I have no one close to me anymore. They are overseas, and available by message but I cant bear to be askedHow are you? How are things? Because I have so little going on right now and I am just not in a mentally healthy space to hear about all the great things others are doing. Does that make me horrible? If it does, Im quite used to being horrible.

POSITIVE. Got to remain positive. Things that are getting me down is: EVERYTHING. BUT, what can I do to fix it?

I am okay for funds. I need to buy me food for the week but I can try and make that a total cost of $50. In that case, I will only have to repay the credit card $100 and that is doable for when the time comes. I will have to pay for gas soon, $60, $160. That is okay. Im taking Beaus rainy day fund for a ticket he racked up using my car and I will also use that for board and pay it back slowly because Im still mad he even dared call my contributionlittle given our circumstances. I will check out the gym tomorrow, have a look around, and when I have the funds, I shall join asap and proceed to go to group fitness classes after work. By the looks of it, the best classes start from Wednesday through to Sunday. Four days of seven is okay! Monday and Tuesday can be swims or dog walks. I need to get my Fitbit charged so I can monitor my calories burned. That being said, before even going food shopping, I need me a caloric diet plan and I will stick to that like no other. Its funny, my biggest personal growths are always from moments between Beau and I that further separate us. I dont know if thats actually good or not but personally I feel motivated to get myself sorted the more he makes me regret wanting to be associated together. That does actually sound really toxic, well see how we are by the years end. I should do a weight loss progress report after this. I need my weight and measurements, do some calculations for calories and then think about what I like eating and fit that into my caloric diet. What I learnt when I was having fun with this last year was that even though 1700 calories is pretty hard to stay at or under, if you go and burn a few 100 at the gym, youre all sorted! You can eat more, you dont feel like youre starving and you get to ride the wave of endorphins because of the exercise - win win!

I feel like theres something missing.

I could tidy the room a bit. I need to buy more tights - they are usually $6 a pair. I think I could get three. $178.

Oh my gosh. I owe a friend a banner designed on photoshop, and because I take a long time to do things, especially creative things since Im not bursting with ideas, that is low key stressing me out because I dont want to let him down. Oh wow, maybe thats why I have such salty feelings :o

I have to set aside some time to do that tomorrow.

On an consistency achievement note, I have been diligently salt water soaking my piercing that was giving me trouble and it looks like its settling down :)

I already feel better. You know what would make it even better, a nice hot shower. Oh yes, I feel way better. Oh hey, and why not stop there, Im going to make me a perfectly tempered hot cup of tea and tune in to a Netflix movie before I say goodnight to my subscription. I feel like rewarding my eyes and brain with the talents of Heath Ledger and his amazing portrayal of the Joker.

So, tonight:

caloric diet to be made

weight and measurements to be taken

tidy room a bit

shower

watch The Dark Knight after cup of tea is made

Tomorrow:

design banner for friend

scope out gym (maybe sign up if they offer something beneficial for me in my circumstance)

check out this yoga/pilates place near house

laundry! clothes, sheets and blankets

give $200 board to landlord

Next three days:

pay off $150 ticket

cancel Netflix

pay car rego $13

Letting out the bad unfiltered helps to clear way for the good. And planning how to get the good gets your mind thinking of how to be productive.

Thank you, blog <3

[seventhtea]

on this website, more of you guys make it seem like girls can do no wrong and every time a girl is mean it's justified.

well. I don't agree

When I was younger I was bullied. I used to come home from school and cry almost every day.

When I was in middle school, there was this group of girls that would talk about me like if I couldn’t hear them. At first, I thought maybe I’m being paranoid and they aren’t talking about me. They are just talking about someone else. It’s whatever. but no. I would hear them say things like “Bonnie is getting fatter than she was when school started.” or “one day Bonnie is going to get so fat she won't fit through the door” or “I can't imagine any one ever liking Bonnie because she's so ugly” after a while I started believing them. I hated myself before the school year was even half over. Around then was the first time I thought about suicide. Can you imagine? A middle schooler thinking about suicide? that's so fucked up. Well, it started to show in how I presented myself because around which made those girls and their boyfriends started calling me the emo girl. They stopped using my name and stopped calling me fat. But they called me emo and told me that maybe I should hurry up and kill myself already since I’m only taking up space that someone better could be having. It was almost impossible for me to get out of bed every day and I dreaded walking to the bus from my house.

By the time I got to high school, I thought this will be different. The first high school I went to was huge. I had a few friends in middle school and most of them went to the same high school as me. One of them was this girl that had a boyfriend for almost a year by the time we started high school and it was amazing. I thought it was so cool that she found someone so early in her life that she wanted to stay with. Unfortunately, the guy didn’t feel the same. I went to this party that the girl invited me to and even though I didn’t want to go, I figured it would be fine. Well, when I got to the party I found the girl and her boyfriend (We will call them Steven and Jasmine). At one point Jasmine told me to wait with Steven while she went to get something and Steven decided that would be the moment to feel me up. He grabbed my ass and I pushed his hand away but didn’t say anything. So he took that as a cue to stick his hand up my skirt. I fought him off for a while but he was bigger than me and she chose then to walk back over. She called me a slut. She believed him when he said I was trying to force him. She told everyone I knew that I tried sleeping with him and that I was ugly so he obviously rejected me. Everyone believed her. 

Lucky for me, I moved away not too long after that. So I was only called a slut for a couple months. I moved to Colorado and I thought that since I was going to be in a different state, it will be better. I won't have to deal with the same mean people anymore. At my second high school, there was this girl that was really nice to me. She was the first person to talk to me at my new school and she invited me to sit with her and her friends at lunch. She introduced me to a bunch of new people and I felt like I could be happy there. After a while, she invited herself over to my house and I let her because I didn’t want to do anything to ruin this. so when she forced herself onto me I didn’t fight too much because I didn’t want to lose everything I was finally getting. After about the fifth time, I made her stop. I told her not to come over anymore if she was going to do that because I’m not into those kinds of things. She took it the wrong way. She would show up outside of my house and scream at me outside of my window. She would call my phone nonstop. she even said things like “if I can’t have you, no one can.” I remember being so scared constantly.

I had another “friend” at that school and much like jasmine, she thought I tried stealing her boyfriend. once she started telling people what a slut I was for flirting with her boyfriend, I decided I wouldn’t let it be like the last time. So I did start flirting with him. me and him got along really well after all. we even dated for a while after he broke up with her for being so mean to me without a real reason. so it wasnt just her being mean. I did steal her boyfriend after all. but i wouldn’t have even looked at him if she didn’t start calling me names and telling everyone that I was a dirty slut. I just wanted to do something to make her leave me alone. 

Around senior year, I moved to another high school. It was all the way across town with all the rich kids. I only went there because my mom lost her job and we had to move in with my grandma. When I got there, the girls constantly pointed out how cheap all of my clothes were and how old my bags were and how I had to use the free food program because I was to poor to afford the school lunches that were only about 2 dollars a day. most of this I ignored. It was annoying but they werent telling me to kill myself so I was fine. they started doing things like throwing out my gym clothes because they knew I couldnt afford new ones. or they would throw my school bag into the pool. They would push me anytime they walked past me. but most of this I thought I could deal with. but one day, i couldn’t take it and I broke down. You see, me and my brother had this prepaid cell that we shared. We went to the same school and if we needed anything or had an emergency, we would have a way to call our mom. but one day, after gym where the teacher yelled at me in front of the whole class because once again i didn’t have my gym clothes, i went back to my locker and my backpack was spilled out and my phone was gone. This phone was my safety device. It was what I had that would remind me that if i really felt that bad, i could have my mom pick me up and i would be fine. and they took it. It was found later in the toilet of a bathroom two floors down. when i got home that day I cried for hours. I couldn’t understand what it was that I did to make these strangers hate me so much.

the last two stories is about girls from my mock trial club. see, this guy from one of my classes pulled me aside one day and was like hey i know why you look so sad all the time. and i gave him my most unimpressed look and he grins and goes its because you arent in this really cool club. it was so dumb and simple and it made me laugh and i thought i could really be apart of this club if he was in it. i joined the club and i spent hours and hours there and i loved being able to see his smile everyday and then he did something that made me realise he isnt that great. He told me that he really likes me but he also likes 2 other girls just as much and that if we want to be with him, we have to convice him that we are the better one. obviously i wasnt going to get involved. i thought it was ridiculous and i dont like anyone enough for that. but i do hate to lose. I hated the thought of it. so when one of the other girls started calling me names, and told me he would never choose me because i was ugly, i thought there is no way im going to lose to a girl like this. So i told him i really like you also karin is a bitch and when he chose me i felt happy for about two seconds before karin started reminding people that im poor and ugly and fat and that no one would ever love me so the reason i won is because the boy didnt want me to be embarrased or he felt bad for me or something along those lines and i started believing her. every time i was with that boy i would feel like maybe she is right. he doesn’t like me. No one had me as paranoid as she did. 

and the last girl. in the club, we had these sort of roles. So, my friend was like the mom. she took care of everyone. she made sure everyone was fed and happy. There was this girl that was like the older sister that everyone went to for advice or to talk about love or whatever. and then there was me. I was the baby of the group. everyone called me baby. they said that i needed the most love and the most attention and that they always just felt like spoiling me. it was great and it was fun and there were days that i genuinely felt loved. But there was this girl. I dont even remember her role in the group, i just remember that she hated that i was the baby. She was constantly trying to convince everyone that i was just acting a certain way so they would think i needed attention. that i was just an attention whore. she convinced some of my “friends” that i was the reason that we wouldn’t make it to nationals and that i should just be kicked out. but the worst was when she convinced everyone that it was my fault that my friend had a break down in the middle of the clubroom. my friend was the third girl from the group above and instead of fighting with me, we ended up bonding over a mutual hatred for the other girl. so when he chose me, my friend was fine with it but she wasn’t ok. She loved him from before i had even met him and so she had a breakdown in the middle of the club and it was my fault. but this girl over here went and told everyone. she told them that i was talking shit about my friend and that i rubbed it in her face and all these other things and this time they all believed her. I tried to go talk to my friend and calm her down but this girl had some other club members block the doors and talk shit if i even walked past. she isolated my friend so instead of feeling better she felt like no one even cared enough to go check on her. she thought that i didn’t care about her enough to go see if she was ok or if she wanted me to walk her home or anything. She was in that room all alone thinking none of us cared because this girl was more concerned with making people hate me than trying to make sure my friend knew how loved she is.

these weren’t the only things that happened, they are just the things that stick out the most and that still fuck with me even though im 22 years old. I still think about these things constantly. I think about how i felt so powerless and so hated and i was still i child when i started wanting to kill myself. So when i see things on this website about how all girls are perfect and they can never do anything wrong and blah blah blah i get really annoyed. because girls can be really mean and really hateful and they can hurt people and you can’t excuse that just because they are girls.