#the worsr part is it worked

[losingchipmunk]

So did I miss something or was Jonah's ritual awful? I mean the other avatars at least put work into theirs the dark literally sent people to space and the flesh found a disturbing amount of meat and either a sinkhole or they just dug a massive hole. I mean even Peter's was better. At least he planned it out. Jonah's plan was literally get a guy to be hated and then stabbed by as many people as possible and then trick him into reading poetry

[divorcetual]

Every time I want to do a new hair style I need 2 remind myself that I Will Have To Straighten It Every Day

[requiem626k]

The "friend discovers you have a tumblr account" situation happened to me too omg. Worsr part is he was ADAMANT about finding out my username.

What I did was make a bet with him if he could find it lol. I told him what posts I liked (and only mentioned ones which had at least 500 likes) and guess from that. He never found it HAHA gave up after finding it too tedious to search.

Not sure if it'll work in your case, but here's a little anecdote I guess?

(This also happened with another friend of mine, but he found my blog 😭 so yes I did make a sideblog for more 'embarassing' posts)

- 🎹 anon

PLEASE OMG NO that sounds scary as heck 😳😭!

Agxksnxs that sounds so fun actually! I love how you turned it into a game 🤭 But yeah trying to find a blog among 500+ likes does sound tedious 🥲

Fortunately my friends didn’t mention Tumblr ever again, so I’m out of the danger zone (for now). None of my friends is into fandom stuff anyways so I don’t think Tumblr will interest them too much haha. It was a fun anectode though 🤭

(OH NO ARE YOU SERIOUS 😭 I would honestly be dead if someone found it out omg. Pffft I would directly delete all my ‘embarrassing’ reblogs and create a sinful sideblog too ngl 😔)

[goldenmessenger]

TS Actor AU: Reach Out Your Hand Pt 1

Summary: Before recovery can come, you have to admit you have a problem first. In 2019, Roman’s been clean for about 6 years. In 2011, however? Clean is a long way away. He’s alone. Isolated. No-one to turn to. Except he might have one person. But Roman’s ignored him for the last 4 years. But then the voicemail comes.

Read on Ao3 here.

A/N: Hey everyone! So, I’m currently working on a multi-chapter fic set after the last two fics. But that’s probably going to take me a while. So in the meantime, have this fic that’s set 8 years before the others. This is some backstory on Roman, Remus, and Dillon, and how Roman got on the first steps to recovery. Also, I meant for this to be a one-shot, but it’s going to be a two-parter. It’s too long to post all at once. I apologize in advance for this, it’s really intense and a lot of whump and angst. I promise part 2 will make up for everything, and that’ll be up tomorrow.

As usual, let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! And once again, I apologize.

Content Warnings: Drunken texts, drug abuse, drug overdose, mild violence (vague mention), self-deprecating thoughts and language, whump, angst

****************************

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Sent at 11:24pm

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx:

happhy B-day roe

its me Rekus

Remus

i gootta new phonee 

im sorry

iwas the worts 

woest

worsr 

Cant typw

To drukn 

Miss u tho

First b-day wit out u

Do u mis me to?

See u on th news

Got that moie 

Movie deal u wanted

Hop ur doin wel 

That ur happy

M not

Mis u

Love u

****************************

Friday, March 20, 2009

Sent at 2:00 pm

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx:

Hey Ro, happy birthday,

it’s me again. 

I wanna apologize for the mess that I sent last year. Thought you’d like to know I’m in a much better place now.

I’m in college in San Francisco, probably gonna live there after.

Gotta boyfriend, just like you always said you would if we didn’t have to deal with everyone’s expectations.

Went to therapy, boyfriend’s idea

Though he was just a best friend then

It’s been really helpful. 

I was so awful to you. 

I honestly wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again

You don’t have to forgive me, I just want a chance to talk

If you want to meet up

Just let me know

****************************

Saturday, March 20, 2010

 Sent at 10:00 am

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx: 

Hey Ro

Happy birthday again. 

At this point, I know you probably won’t reply

This probably isn’t even your number anymore. 

I don’t know why I keep texting you though

Closure, perhaps?

An inability to let go?

Whatever it is, it’s kinda sad

I can’t stop though

If by any chance you are reading this, please respond

I don’t care if it’s to say you hate me, or never want to talk to me again, please

I need you

I need my brother

****************************

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Sent at 10:00 am

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx: 

Happy birthday Ro!

This will probably be the last time I text you. 

My boyfriend, Dillon, pointed out that if you were going to reply, you would’ve already

I need to move on

I need to heal 

I still love you though 

You’ll always be my brother

****************************

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Sent at 11:00 am

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx: 

Ro

Ro, what the hell?

I know I said that I wouldn’t text again 

But I just saw the news

You punched someone?

What on earth

I’d honestly be kinda proud of you if I wasn’t worried

Are you doing ok? 

That’s not like you. 

I was always the violent one. 

I know what I said before, but if you need anyone to talk to, I’m here. 

I won’t be waiting for you anymore, but I’ll still be here for you, if you need me.

All you need to do is reach out.

****************************

Sunday, August 15, 2011

Missed Call at 1:00 am

Voicemail from (xxx) xxx-xxxx: 

 “Ro—Roman! Please, please tell me you’re there, that you’re alright—

I just heard, apparently you’ve been missing for two weeks? Two whole weeks, and I didn’t know—

Please call me back, or text if that works better! Please, no one knows where you are, if you’re ok, nothing!

I — I can’t lose you Roman.

I mean, maybe I did already, maybe I did a long time ago—

But that was different. At least you were alive. You were happy. At least, I thought you were happy. I’m not so sure about that anymore. 

But if by some miracle, some crazy insane miracle you still have this number, if you’re ok, please please let me know. 

I love you so much Ro. 

I don’t think I ever said it enough, but I do. So, so much. 

I hope wherever you are, you’re ok.”

****************************

The dark hotel room was illuminated only by the screen of his phone. He stared at it with glassy eyes, unseeing, as the message finished playing. Roman was leaning against the bed, sitting on the floor. His phone was gleaming on the ground next to him. 

Roman had read Remus’s texts as they came, of course, but he hadn’t thought they were sincere. That they were real. Nothing else in his life was, not even his own parents. So why should his own twin be an exception? But he didn’t delete the texts or block the number. He let the messages keep coming. And he didn’t know why. 

Maybe because part of him had wanted to hope. Why else would he be where he was now? Why else would he have used the most of the little money he had left to get himself here? Here in a dingy little motel on the edge of San Francisco. He hadn’t told anyone where he was going, not that anyone cared. Maybe Remy might’ve. Remy, who Roman realized now might’ve been his only real friend. At least, he could’ve been, if Roman hadn’t pushed him away when Remy had attempted to convince Roman he had a problem. Pushed him away just like Roman had done to everything else good in his life. 

That’s why he hadn’t contacted Remus yet. Why he’d sat here in this room with it’s flea-ridden bed and peeling wallpaper for almost two weeks now, only leaving to buy food from the nearby convenience store. Remus’s texts had seemed like he was doing well. Roman had looked at his Facebook too. Remus was in college, was living with his boyfriend, a job working as a tech at a local theater. He seemed happy. Roman couldn’t bring himself to ruin that like he ruined everything else. 

But that voicemail—he hadn’t ever heard Remus sound so frightened before. So worried. And about Roman, of all people. Why? Why on earth? Sure, they’d been close as kids, but they hadn’t even been in the same room for years. And Roman had ignored all of Remus’s attempts to make contact since. He couldn’t understand it. It made his head hurt. He was feeling bitterly jittery, and not very glittery. 

That was a weird sentence. When did his thoughts stop making sense? He needed his pills, needed them. He couldn’t deal with all of these thoughts and emotions. He needed them to go away. He needed them to stop. He fumbled on all fours for the bottle, and finally found it, open and empty. That wasn’t right, it’d been full only...only...he couldn’t remember. A wave of dizziness hit him, and he pitched forward, face planting into the ground. 

Something wasn’t right. Why was his brain so fuzzy. Everything hurt so much, he couldn’t think. He needed help. He needed Remus. He somehow managed to find his phone, and hit the contact simply labeled “R.”

The phone rang. And rang. Finally, it was picked up. And a familiar voice spoke.

****************************

Remus ran his hand through his sleeping boyfriend’s hair. It was a calming motion that somewhat helped to calm his racing mind. But not by much. Dillon had attempted to convince Remus to rest, but Remus couldn’t sleep. Not when Roman was missing. He’d gotten the news around midnight, from a former friend of Roman’s, Remy. 

Remy had been the one to tell Remus that Roman had been struggling with a drug addiction, though Remy didn’t know how long. He’d tried to get Roman some help as soon as he found out, but the other man had rejected it and broke off their friendship. Remy had gone to Roman’s apartment that morning to attempt to repair their relationship, with the hope that he could eventually convince Roman to get some help. But he was nowhere to be found. The door was unlocked, and there was two weeks worth of mail on the floor. He’d found Remus’s number on accident, on a post-it on Roman’s fridge, labeled “Bro.” That’s when he’d called Remus and, upon finding out he was Roman’s brother, told him everything.

Remus didn’t quite understand why Roman had his number saved like that, but the more pressing concern was finding Roman. Remus attempted to call Roman several times, each one going straight to voicemail.

He didn’t blame Dillon for falling asleep though. Remus would if he could. He couldn’t though. The hand that wasn’t running through Dillon’s hair had a death grip on his phone. He couldn’t stop staring at it, praying to anyone who would listen that it would ring.

He didn’t know what he expected though. Roman had never responded to him in the past, so why would now be any diff— 

“I’m a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie wooorld

Life in plastic, it’s fantastic...”

Remus startled as his phone’s ringtone filled the room. Next to him, Dillon shifted and blinked tiredly at him. 

“Why on earth do you still have that obnoxious song as your ringtone?” Dillon questioned, a little grumpy at being woken so unceremoniously. 

“You can brush my hair, undress me everywheere

Imagination, life is your creation...”

Remus could barely hear him. He could barely hear his own ringtone. All he could do was stare at the name that lit up the screen.

Lil bRO(man)

“Come on, Barbie, let's go party!”

Dillon looked up at Remus, the sleep slowly fading from his gaze as his brain slowly began to catch up.

“Re, what’s wrong?”

“I’m a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie wooorld

Life in plastic, it’s fantastic...”

The chorus of the song began to repeat, and Remus knew he was running out of time. This was something he’d wanted for years, and now, it was happening right in front of him. But he was frozen. For some reason, he couldn’t answer the phone.

“You can brush my hair, undress me everywheere…”

When Remus didn’t respond, Dillon sat up, and saw the phone lying limp in his boyfriend’s grasp.

“Imagination, life is you—”

Quick as a lightning bolt, Dillon grabbed the phone and hit ANSWER before it could go to voicemail. Almost as quick, he hit the speaker button.

There was a long moment of silence. Too long. Finally, Remus’s voice returned.

“Ro, is that you?” He asked, hopefully. “Are you ok, are you hurt, where—”

“Re. I— I didn’t acshully think you’d anshwer.”

Roman’s familiar voice leaked through the speakers like water through a broken dam. Despite Remus’s relief, however, he immediately recognized something was wrong. One look at Dillon’s face told Remus that he’d heard it too. The way Roman’s words slurred themselves together. Remus took a deep breath. He knew how to handle this. He just needed to stay calm.

“Of course I would.” Remus said sincerely. “Ro, why don’t you tell me where you are? Maybe I can come to you and we can have this conversation in person?”

However, Roman didn’t seem to hear Remus’s question.

“I meshed up Re, meshed up big time, I ran ‘way from evything ‘cause I shcrewed up, an’ now I’m losht an’ allone an’ I jus’ wanted to hear your voishe one lasht time…”

Remus felt his heart seize in panic at those words. He grabbed the phone out of Dillon’s hands as the man looked on worriedly. Remus clutched that phone like it was his lifeline. No, Roman’s lifeline.

“Roman, wait, what do you mean, one last time? Where are you, what’s going on?”

“Ate too many of th’ pret-ty white circles, and now I can’ shtand up right and m’ brain won’ work.”

Roman’s voice grew thick, and it began to sound like he was crying.

“M sorry Re, ‘m an awful brother. I can’ do anything righ’ an’ I was too much of a cow-ward to tell you I was here.”

Remus’s eyes widened in shock as his brain processed the information. White circles, didn’t a lot of pills take that form? Including addictive ones. And Roman was here? San Francisco?

He looked over to Dillon to find that his boyfriend had his own phone out, and was callling someone. Dillon caught his gaze, and mouthed 911. Keep him talking. Remus took a deep breath. He needed to keep it together. For Roman’s sake. 

“Roman, you’re going to be fine, just tell me where you are, and I’ll be right there. You said that you’re here? Where is here?”

“Th’ golden ci-ty, home of Saint Franny. Wan-ed to talk to you, couldn’ get up th’ nerve. ‘M in this shtupid lil hot-tel, it schucks. Bayshide Mot-tel, I think. Rom 320. Picked it cause it wash our birth-dayte.”

Remus quickly glanced over to Dillon urgently, and his boyfriend began relaying Roman’s location to the paramedics. 

“Ro, we’ll be right there, just hold on, ok? We’re on our way.” 

No response.

“Roman, Roman!”

Silence echoed from the other end of the line. 

“No, nononononono no! Roman, please!”

In a dark dingy motel room several miles away, the only sound was a brother’s anguished cries, and the only light was that of a cracked phone screen next to a limp hand.

****************************

AN: Again, I’m really sorry about this cliffhanger, and I will fix it tomorrow.

****************************

TAGLIST:

@ironwoman359

@galacticguppy

@trashpanda-remus 

@atticusfinchthelegend

@ravenclawunicorn1

@voidvirgil

@dogwithpants

@dreaming-about-kittens

[afroasiamerican]

Imma just interview myself in the tags here.

Wow so apparently 30 tags is the limit :) tbc

Unusual Asks

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? 

is your room messy or clean?

what color are your eyes?

do you like your name? why?

what is your relationship status? 

describe your personality in 3 words or less

what color hair do you have?

what kind of car do you drive? color?

where do you shop?

how would you describe your style?

favorite social media account

what size bed do you have? 

any siblings?

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

favorite snapchat filter? 

favorite makeup brand(s)

how many times a week do you shower?

favorite tv show?

shoe size?

how tall are you?

sandals or sneakers? 

do you go to the gym? 

describe your dream date

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

what color socks are you wearing? 

how many pillows do you sleep with?

do you have a job? what do you do? 

how many friends do you have? 

whats the worst thing you have ever done? 

whats your favorite candle scent? 

3 favorite boy names

3 favorite girl names

favorite actor? 

favorite actress? 

who is your celebrity crush?

favorite movie? 

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? 

money or brains? 

do you have a nickname? what is it? 

how many times have you been to the hospital?

top 10 favorite songs

do you take any medications daily? 

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

what is your biggest fear? 

how many kids do you want? 

whats your go to hair style?

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) 

who is your role model? 

what was the last compliment you received?

what was the last text you sent?

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

what is your dream car? 

opinion on smoking?

do you go to college? 

what is your dream job? 

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? 

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? 

do you have freckles? 

do you smile for pictures?

how many pictures do you have on your phone? 

have you ever peed in the woods? 

do you still watch cartoons? 

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

Favorite dipping sauce? 

what do you wear to bed? 

have you ever won a spelling bee?

 what are your hobbies?

can you draw? 

do you play an instrument?

what was the last concert you saw? 

tea or coffee?

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

do you want to get married?

what is your crush’s first and last initial?

are you going to change your last name when you get married? 

what color looks best on you? 

do you miss anyone right now? 

do you sleep with your door open or closed?

do you believe in ghosts?

what is your biggest pet peeve? 

last person you called`

favorite ice cream flavor? 

regular oreos or golden oreos? 

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? 

what shirt are you wearing? 

what is your phone background?

are you outgoing or shy?

do you like it when people play with your hair?

do you like your neighbors? 

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

have you ever been high? 

have you ever been drunk? 

last thing you ate? 

favorite lyrics right now

summer or winter? 

day or night? 

dark, milk, or white chocolate? 

favorite month? 

what is your zodiac sign

 who was the last person you cried in front of? 

[empyreanwritings]

Hi, love first time doing this but 94 with Nat and angst please 😁 -💜

94 - "I won't lose you too."

Your hands shook as you read the details of the mission Fury was sending Nat on. A solo extraction mission in a known Hydra camp. No contact with her for over 48 hours. 48 hours of not knowing whether she was dead or alive.

Nat could handle anything - you knew that - but this felt like a suicide mission.

When you pointed that out to her, she scoffed. She reminded you she was a big girl, and she could handle herself. Those words made your skin crawl. The last time you heard someone say that, you lost an agent you were in charge of training. No one was invincible here, and you needed her to realize that.

"I've lost enough people because they were too busy being a hero," you sighed. "Your life matters more to me than anyone else's. Why can't you see that?"

"This is our job, Y/N. You knew that when you were recruited, and I can't let any feelings get in the way of what I need to do," Nat retorted, her lips set in a straight line as she did.

You shook your head. "I won't lose you, too."

"Your confidence in me is truly heartwarming."

She brushed past you and began strapping a holster to her thigh. The worst feeling was going into a mission knowing you weren't supporting her. It wasn't fair; it was distracting. And the worsr part? You knew it never worked. It never made her stay behind, so why did you fight her?

"Please, don't go," you pleaded. "I have a bad feeling about this."

She straightened up, turning towards the door so she didn't have to make eye contact with you. All the pain in your voice hurt her, and she almost cracked. Almost stayed behind.

Almost.

"Maybe a relationship in the work place wasn't a good idea," she said with a finality that brought tears to your eyes before walking through the door.

If those were her last words to you, you'd hate her forever.

Drabble requests are open 💕

[smol-teeth]

I feel so fucking stupid

[booksloth91]

Day 44 9/8/18

We were able to sleep in. Mom Amour and I cuddled and talked about our dreams from the previous night. The cats visited us and wwe had a really nice morning. Mon Amour also told me about a breakthrough he had about the way he loves me vs Sunshine and it is okay. It is different but different doesn't mean he loves me less. I love him deeply. There are still things I want on occasion. I will accept him.

We got out of bed and dressed. We were both happy from our wee early hour morning sex and cuddles.

I brought my laundry down and Mon Amour got the budget stuff out. We worked on the month's budget. There were a couple tense moments, bur we made it through successfully.

After I took a break. Mon Amour worked on laundry. We were able to open the windows because it was cool enough outside.

Mon Amour and I discussed what we wanted to do for pur date night because I had wanted to go out. We settled on using some movie gift cards I got for my graduation to see The Nun a horror/mystery/thriller, and have a drive after.

After we planned this the Kid wanted to do something with Mon Amour. It was late afternoon, Mon Amour and the kid went to the store together. I went upstairs and cleaned my room. Once I was done in my room I came down to work on dishes. My room took me a tad longer than expected so when I got downstairs the guys were back from their trip, and water was running in the sink.

I started doing dishes. Mon Amour was cooking, he seemed unhappy. I asked him about it. I previously journaled the details after. Suffice it to say we fought.

Our date night turned into one big fight. It was awful and we were both really unhappy with the way things turned out. The worsr part for me was that I was actively trying to avoid any type of conflict and we still did.

At the end we sort of made a break through about repair attempts. Mon Amour and I don't always recognize a repair attempt so I asked a serious question about announcing a repair attempt. And he said that it would be helpful. So I annoumced my repair attempt and we both started laughing. He announced his when he was giving me nice touches. There was a happy moment in that even with all the tears and yelling. We found something that might work. We have been fighting less often too. Even though it is really hard right now. There is some hope.

After we had made up sort of I asked if we could watch the film noir we got from Netflix, Mon Amour didn't want to at first. I asked if we could do something else so that the whole night wasn't fighting, Mon Amour suggested we watch the movie. At first I was worried, but he really wanted to do we set stuff up.

We reheated the pasta, and chatted about food and cooking. I thanked him for cooking.

We ate the pasta he had made, and our outshine (I need to learn an at home version) and watched the film. We even cuddled on the couch. The movie was really bad and whule we watched we were engaged with each other and laughed about how terrible the film was. We laughed together. After it was bed time and we went upstairs for sleep.

Before sleep I was on the verge of a panic attack my whole body was still really really really tight and I was having a super hard time breathing. I had had to reschedule my massage and postpone it another 6 days too. Mon Amour helped me breathe, but before sleeping I was trying to stave off the inner voice in,my head which was very loud and trying not to have a panic attack. My thoughts felt thick, but fast, and I was cold, and everything hutmrt and was tight. I cried and clutched my hair. Mon Amour comforted me. He held me close. I don't remember falling asleep.

My dreams were convoluted. I think I dreamed some good things, I also dreamed some really bad dreams. We both woke up a couple times in the night. In the early morning the rabbits woke me so I put them in their pen.

I don't like when my sleep is disturbed.

[deep-nerd]

.