#the world's history. she was a dragon priest yes and she used that power to trans her gender. yea. with how powerful dragon priests

[deadrlngers]

used this picrew to make my new skyrim crew :3

Hiraeth (they/she/he) || Sibylla (she/her) || Dervera Sathro (she/they)

the dragonborn, the ex-dragon priest now vampire and pain in the ass, the dunmer fed up with everyone's bullshit

[archdovah]

Mal Dovah (little dragon) - Miraak x tld oneshot

Can be found here on AO3 (with the translations of the Dragon Language)

Summary:

 A month ago, the last dragonborn released Miraak from Apocrypha. In return for his release, Hermaeus Mora bound him to her in a ritual she did not understand the implications of until it was too late to go back. What was the cost of her soul and who owned it now?(Miraak x tld oneshot, Hermaeus is only spoken of and does not make an appearance, small nsfw part)

A/N: BEHOLD my long overdue Miraak x ldb fanfic cause we all wanna romance those we can’t have (in vanilla). 

She looked up at him, through the flickering light of the campfire. She bit her lower lip and looked up at the stars. Devines, how did she get here. Well… she knew that. But looking at the man beside her alone was enough to make her feel like the fire dragons could breathe was burning inside of her instead. That feeling crept up on her. At this point she thought she’d need it to keep her alive and breathing.

“Miraak.” She paused but he didn’t respond. “ I don’t believe I’ve said this to you in a while but… I’m sorry. He gave me the choice and I am aware you’d rather be with anyone else but me. “ “ He made me aware of the alternative option. Of what would happen if I opt to abandon you.”

She swallowed hard. The idea of him leaving her terrified her for two reasons. One, Miraak loose on Nirn could be a recipe for disaster. She had broken his spell over Solstheim but he was still powerful. Regardless of whether his powers had been subdued. Two, she didn’t want him to leave. His voice resounded again, louder than her thoughts even without the echo she had gotten used to in Apocrypha. “I owe you an apology as well. I only attempted to kill you because it was my only way out. Fate decreed that you had to die so that I could win my freedom. I did not wish you harm personally. I regretted it as I was watching you.” “ Stealing my dragon souls.” She muttered, frowning at him in some glimmer she still felt over that. “ Yes. In many ways, this is a far more favourable outcome.”

She scraped her throat. “ So what is this… ritual he did anyway. It almost seemed like some sort of marriage ceremony.” Miraak threw a branch into the fire. “ Nii Lost. “ She looked at him, dumbstruck, and this time he looked back. “Excuse me?” Miraak grinned in the way he tended when he knew something she did not. Smug. Arrogant. “It was. Did you truly believe he wouldn’t get anything out of this? We’re the only two dovakhiin in this world. He wants to know what happens when we are put together, we are his experiment. He seeks to find out if we’ll kill each other or strengthen each other. No better way to test that than to tie us together by a bond not even Akatosh can break.” “ But we did not choose it. It is invalid if it was a marriage. And there was no priest there, he couldn’t… ” “ I am a dragon priest. And you freely agreed to being tied to me for the rest of your life, did you not? If I recall correctly, you even yelled it to Hermeaus Mora. I agreed as well, otherwise the binding ritual would not have worked and he would have killed me regardless. He merely added that we cannot stray from each other until a certain distance.” She hugged her legs, head leaning on her knees. What a mess. “ What if we get too powerful? What if I seek to take over Nirn too, as you did.” “ Then he has shaped history once more. Hermaeus Mora is laughing at us, you know. He will likely await our demise or reign in the one of us who outlives the other. Offer us a miracle solution to cure us from our grief. Unless we were to have a child.” She scoffed. “A child.”

He wasn’t laughing and it made her heart beat so fast that she could feel it in her throat. “ You think that could happen? I mean... knowing what needs to happen in order to conceive a child.” “ I am aware that you feel connected to me, even without the ritual. “ “ I already told you that I do not approve of the way you seek to read me Miraak.” “ Zu Drey Ni.” She looked at him, confused. “What do you mean you did not?” He sighed and moved closer to her. He looked at her, took his glove off and outstretched his hand to her. He put hers on it and watched as he turned it upwards. He traced a finger from its palm to her shoulder. “Morah. It feels like a fire does it not? Scorching yet pleasant.” She nodded.

“ I cannot sense that from you.” She laughed. “You read about this? What kind of books did you read in Apocrypha? I mean it must have gotten lonely but…” He shook his head, looking her straight in the eyes with a very serious expression. She stopped laughing. “Have been with another Dragonborn before?” He shook his head again and glanced down at her lips for a second. That is when it dawned on her. “ You feel it too.” “Geh, Mal Dovah.“ “ What does that mean? Yes, little dragon?” He nodded. “ How do I know this is no trick? How could you feel this and still have wanted me dead?” She felt all the more hurt and pulled her arm back and got up, shaking her head. “This is a trick.” “ He believed you were no threat of me doing that because of this bond. Why else would I complimente you during battle rather than trying to break your spirit? How else could I call you back to my tower as often as I like. He thought I would not be able to harm you because it would tear me asunder. But I already was broken and blinded.”

“ And so you almost did.” She could feel tears burning in her eyes and they infuriated her. “ You fought me as well did you not? I was certain that there could be no future with us both in it. Krosis.” She gritted her teeth as he got up too and walked towards her. Careful, as if he was concerned he would scare her away. He stopped very close to her, closer to her than he had ever allowed himself to be and reached for her waist. She let him, looking at his face. She remembered the first time he had removed his mask, how it knocked the breath right out of her. A sense of possessiveness and belonging had mixed with her anger. She hadn’t expected to feel attracted to him physically as well, but as soon as she’d seen his face. Somewhat scarred but still young, still handsome, still wild and tempestuous in his stare. She remembered how his eyes had lingered on her too, but as if he was confirming something. Confusion and anger, but he had seen hers before. He already knew.

She reached up to his face and placed her hand on his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into it with his lips slightly parted as he breathed out. “ You do not owe me anything. I will not force a relationship on you. I owe you my freedom.” “ Yet you are shackled to me, with him likely watching.” “ He had my soul and in his presence in the ritual, he gave it to you. And you gave yours to me.” She swallowed. She had repeated his words in the dragon tongue and had guessed as much. But hearing it confirmed…

“ So where do we go from here?” She whispered to him, feeling far more vulnerable than she had. “ I told you that I know things that the Greybeards will never teach you. I can teach you even more than you know.” “ You know damn well that is not what I am talking about.” He remained silent. “ What do you wish to happen next?” “ How would it feel when we…” She noticed a small smile on his face. “ I do not know that. Vonmindoraan? Frin? Unslaad?. “ “Yeah thinking is not an option right now so you’ll have to tell me what that means.” “ Incomprehensible? Hot? Eternal? My guess is as good as yours. “

He reached for the side of her neck, gently. She looked up at him, again feeling her pulse in her head and it was going a little too fast. “ Do you want to know?” “ Dreh hi?” She stood on her tiptoes and barely managed to reach his lips with hers and she made the most of it before she whispered to his lips. “Geh. Even if just because your behaviour afterwards will likely tell me all I need to know about where your loyalty lies.” He grabbed her by the arms and put her against the wall. “Then we will not.” “ Why not?” “ He may wish for me to take you by force but I shall not.” “ By f..? This is not my first time, Miraak. I have a potion which keeps me from getting pregnant.” “ But you do not wish to. You merely wish to test me. If I ever do have you, it will be because you want me as I want you.” She couldn’t stop a grin which she imagined looked a lot like his when he knew something she did not. “Social cues are your Talos’ heel aren’t they?” He looked confused and a little angry because of it. She grabbed his hand and led him towards their tent and on her sleeping bag. She sat on top of his lap and he allowed her to do so. Then she took the top part of her armour off, shivering in the cold with only a breastband to cover her torso. He immediately put a hand on her collarbone and she felt warm again. “ Hi Los Brit.” Ok. Focus. She opened her eyes. “ Do you want me? ” “ It does not matter.” “ It does.” She leaned forward, pushed down his robe and kissed him on the neck. She then leaned backwards again. “ Because if you are truly mine, I want you.”

She saw a shift in the way he looked at her. Something more animalistic and hungry. Before she knew it, his hand gripped the back of her head and his lips were rough on hers. He felt how he pulled her closer onto his lap and moaned as she moved against him. He didn’t want to let go when she wanted to take off her armour. She whispered “Let me go.” Into his ear and he did, clearly not happy about it. “Take off your armour.” He seemed to doubt for a second, but when she helped him with it and placed burning kisses on every surface that was revealed, he no longer seemed to mind. She only skipped one area and grinned at him when she took a step back. His eyes didn’t leave her as she undressed. He seemed entranced. What followed next released something within her that she could only describe as feral. He seemed careful at first and it made her feel restless and all the more impatient. She commanded him “Uznahgaar” through gritted teeth as her nails dug into his back. She tried to get him closer, deeper, faster. When he finally did stop holding back, she felt the vigor and ferosity he had put into their fight once more. But this time it did not feel destructive, it was as if the way he moved in her forged their souls together. As if every hungry kiss was a lifeline. It indeed did feel indescribable, hot, and like they could keep burning forever.

When they were panting beside each other after, she was still laying on his arm. She looked over at him, unbelieving that this morning she was still wondering if he considered her any more than a nuisance. “ You…” she was still catching her breath “… feel any different? Want to betray me yet?” He grabbed her leg and put it over his before he grabbed the small of her back and pulled her against his body. “ What do you think, Mal Dovah?” He was also slightly out of breath when he asked her and kissed her neck the way she had kissed his before they began. She didn't respond and tangled her fingers in his messy hair when he let stopped and she could focus again. To some extent at least. “ I think that if I wasn’t already married to you that I would want to now.” She laughed and moaned as she felt his finger trace her spine. She looked him in the eye again, foreheads now almost touching. He placed his hand right above her left breast and she still felt it burn but it left no mark. “ Zu’u los hin. Hi Los Dii.“ “ I am yours, you are mine?”

He kissed the top of her head, more softly than she had ever figured he’d be capable of, and eased against him. “ We should have done this a month ago, would have made our travels a lot more pleasant.” He played puled her even closer and kissed her again. “ I did not trust you yet, then.” “ YOU didn’t trust ME?” her voice sounded a lot more high-pitched than he was used to and she heard a warm laugh coming from him. It was glorious. “ Miraak?” “ Hm?” “ … nevermind.” “ I believe I do too, Mal Dovah.”

[wxldchxld]

Every third question for our favorite fox

Oh y’all better buckle up.

003. Does your character like coffee better, or tea?

Beck’s not allowed to have coffee. The world isn’t ready for that degree of energy. But also she just enjoys tea better.

006. What sense do they most rely on?

It depends on the form she’s currently in. For instance in hawk form it’s definitely sight, fox form most of it’s hearing, bear form it’s smell. In her human form idk if she relies on this the most but she’s probably at least the most aware of her sense of sight?

009. Do they believe in happy endings?

Sure. She’s not really the Debbie Downer type, and she fully believes she could have been truly happy with Harper if not for her penchant for self-indulgence and her overwhelming anxiety when it comes to conforming to society.

012. What makes your character embarrassed?

I’m not super sure this is a feeling Beck has tbh XD. I have a whole headcanon about this somewhere that I’ll link if you can find it. But like, it’s near impossible to embarrass Beck.

015. Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue?

Beck’s not very likely to fight at all. She loves to stir shit up and rile people that she doesn’t like especially (or ones she wants to fuck lmfao), but when things turn into a real fight even if it’s just an argument, Beck’s more likely to head for the door. She dislikes confrontation. It makes her very uncomfortable.

018. Your character wakes up to find that war has been declared. What do they do?

Probably leave. If leaving it’s an option she’ll keep her head down until she has to do something. Like I said Beck doesn’t do fighting unless her back is to the wall and she has no choice. If she had to take some sort of role in a war it would probably be more espionage related.

021. How do they display affection?

All of the ways. TBH Beck is very affectionate even to her friends. Most prominently she wants to touch you and be touched. She’s very touch motivated. But she’ll also make things like knitting scarves and hats or cook food for her loved ones. She spends a lot of time with that person rather than running off into the woods constantly. She’ll sing to you a lot. And basically she’ll just kind of actually listen to you and respect you. Like if you tell her something to do she’ll do it rather than being an asshole.

024. What do they consider ugly in others physically?

Beck’s not super down with bodily hair. It’s one of the big reasons that even tho she’s bi she doesn’t fuck a lot of dudes. She’s never understood why women’s hair is supposedly gross and men can just grow a fur pelt on their legs/arms/chest/underarms and no one says shit. She’s a million times more likely to sleep with a man who shaves. 

She also just finds a general lack of hygiene to be a real turn off. Beck makes it a point, even living in the woods, even without the constant use of magic, to look presentable. She doesn’t like people that look nasty. Wash your hair. Take a bath. Brush your teeth. Otherwise she’s taking a hard pass.

027. What is their idea of perfect happiness?

Beck’s idea of perfect happiness is finding someone who will live with her and travel with her and they can be wild wanderers and roam the world together unburdened by people. Where her familiars are happy and safe and she’s free.

030. Do they believe in the afterlife?

Sort of? Witch opinions vary just as much as ours when it comes to what happens to you after you die, with each theory holding a significant amount of weight. Beck’s in the unique position where she doesn’t often thing about it, because she knows her “death” it’s really going to be a thing. As a feral witch her life, unless abruptly ended through murder, is going to end with her spirit being reclaimed by the wilds, and never returning to the world of men or the life she knew before.

033. Do they keep their promises?

Beck generally doesn’t make promises. If she does, whether or not she keeps them depends on who you are to her. She’s a liar and a manipulator and a con-woman, of course she’s going to break promises. When she makes a witch’s deal (something she can’t break) she makes sure only to make them if they’re stacked in her favor and she’s able to fuck someone over if the desire strikes her.

Beck does try to keep promises she makes to people she genuinely likes. Like there are a couple of promises she made to Fen when they were kids, and even though he’s been warped and changed over the years, she still keeps her promises to him, even though he can’t hold her to them.

036. How honorable is your character?

….I mean not really at all.

039. What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person?

Imprisonment, probably? Or being forced to change who they really are.

042. What is their greatest achievement?

She’s a very good shifter and a decent dream walker. These are both abilities she was born with, sure, but having any control over your dream walking takes a lot of time and practice, and most witches never learn to take the form of anything aside from their clan symbol.

045. Does your character have any chronic medical conditions?

Not really

048. Do they have any allergies?

She often claims to be allergic to people who annoy her but that’s 100 percent not true and she’s allergy free. Witches on the whole tend to be very healthy creatures.

051. If they knew they would die tomorrow, what would they do today?

Probably contact Fenris and Harper and Cora and her amma. Mostly Fenris and Harper, because there’s still a lot unsaid between them. She’d want to say goodbye to Cora and her amma, but one of her greatest fears is dying without talking to her brother one last time and letting him know some things. Harper isn’t as dire to where it causes her anxiety to even entertain the thought that she might die without having one last talk, but if she KNEW she was dying, she’d want to try and give Harper closure, to let her know their fall out wasn’t Harper’s fault, and to tell her that she still loved her.

054. Does your character want power or authority of any kind?

Nah. Beck’s attracted to women that have both power and authority, but that’s just her type. Beck herself really has no interest in being in charge of anything. That’s too much responsibility. And the only power she needs is the power to do what she wants—which she has.

057. Has your character ever killed anyone?

It depends on the verse. In her verse for t100 yes she has killed and more than once. Each time was out of self defense and she had no other options.

060. What is your character’s attitude toward education and learning?

As an educator myself her attitude toward education is frustratingly apathetic. She was so severely neglected as a child that paired with her dyslexia she never really learned how to read beyond some very basic shit. Math was always frustrating for her. Service was hell for Beck because when it comes to reading spell books she’s useless, and she’s not particularly interested in learning spells she doesn’t feel will be of use to her. So like, she’ll encourage other people if they want to get an education, but she’s going to take a pass.

063. How well does your character handle difficult people?

Fairly well? I guess it depends on the type of difficult. Like I have a verse with @lcgioned where Beck’s life goal seems to annoy Lexa into an early grave, and yet she gets along with post-dictator Octavia just fine. Beck doesn’t really have a temper, and she doesn’t really do fights, so it’s hard to be too difficult for her. She just kind of rolls with it. 

The kind of person she really struggles with is the one that wants her to conform. The one that tells her she can’t act that way or scolds her because her behavior reflects poorly on them. If Beck doesn’t already like that person, for example she’s more than willing to behave to make Asha look good in my verse with @ashayara, then they can fuck off. Respect from Beck, in large part, comes from affection, and she doesn’t just listen to people because she should or she was told to. She won’t be controlled and micromanaged, so in order to curb her less desirable habits you have to be smart and endear her to you so that she’ll care about what you think. Because in general she doesn’t care how people see her. She doesn’t care if they think she’s strange or crazy, she’s living her gd life and it’s not their business.

066. Does your character prefer city life or being out in nature?

Nature. She doesn’t even tolerate cities well. They make her irritated and sometimes, if she’s subjected to them long enough, physically ill from all the anxiety they cause.

069. What about your character is heroic?

Hahahahahahahahahahaha………. I don’t know?????? I’m so sorry. I don’t see anything about Beck as heroic. Beck won’t like, stand by and let you murder a child or something horrendous if it’s like, right there in front of her. Like if she’s faced with something that she can put a stop to without it being too much of a risk to herself or her familiars she’ll do it, but Beck isn’t going out of her way to help people because it’s the “right” thing to do and she’s rarely going to put herself in danger unless it’s someone she loves on the line.

072. In a Dungeons & Dragons game, which class would your character be? (wizard, fighter, bard, priest, ranger, etc.)

I have never played D&D, so I honestly couldn’t answer this? I would assume either a wizard or a ranger just from what the name sounds like, but Idk.

075. Is your character ticklish?

Very and in all forms so think on that for a good while.

078. How emotionally stable is your character?

Beck lives in a stone fortress of denial that can only fall if you hit her with some major shit. Like she’s obstinately, often unshakably happy. Even if she slips for a few seconds, even in the worst and weirdest situations, she’ll turn around and be a smiling, ball of sunshine after a few seconds to gather herself.

Of course she does have a history of abuse, and especially in verses like ours she’s going through a lot, so she isn’t on as firm a footing as normal, but Beck’s not easy to shake in general.

081. Is your character religious?

Not really? Which is strange because she’s nominally a priestess to her people. But it’s more of a cultural thing. Like, witches in and of themselves don’t worship gods per se, but they hold their traditions and myths and stories in an almost religious regard. It’s very strange, I have a couple of deeper headcanons on it, but to make it kind of simple: Beck isn’t at all what we would likely call “religious” in our society.

084. Describe your character in one word.

If I’m being serious? Asshole. If I’m being nice? Witch.

087. How would your character describe themself in three words?

“One Foxy Lady”

090. How bodily expressive is your character?

I’m… not super sure what this means. If it means is she like, an animated person to talk to then yes. Unless she’s specifically trying to stay calm and use that to influence the emotions of something else, Beck’s never still. She’s almost kind of dizzying to talk to not because she moves in any crazy, major way, but just because it never stops.

093. What is your character’s goal in life?

To be free.

096. How do they move and carry themselves? What energy do they project?

Beck’s energy is best described as “a lot.” She’s got a big presence and like I just mentioned, she’s very active and animated. She doesn’t walk around slumped over, shy, or ashamed of herself. Unless she’s specifically trying to like fade into a crowd, she’s generally someone who grabs the eye because she’s confident and active and engaging to deal with and it’s almost overbearing over long periods of time.

099. Do they talk to inanimate objects?

She’s got a weird concept of inanimate. Like, in her world there are spirits all over the place, and they have a varying degree of sentience depending on the spirits, their age, their type, and the population density. So she’ll compliment a waterfall on how lovely it’s looking today but a small part of her thinks that like the spirits in the area take note of that and enjoy it even if they’re only semi-sentient. She struggles with seeing how those things aren’t transferable to stuff like computers and cellphones. In cities where most of the natural, open spirits that interact with everything without their own ulterior motives have been driven out, there aren’t any “cell phone” or “computer” spirits, but she’s so in the habit of it that (generally when she’s frustrated she’ll forget) she’ll curse at them or ascribe motive to something an inanimate object is doing.

Harper once bought Beck an extremely expensive sports car, only to immediately sell it after Beck amassed 4 speeding tickets in a month and got her license suspended because, as Beck put it, “the car wanted to go fast.”

[tearlessrain]

time to subject myself to Dracula: The Dark Prince, aka another bad movie starring another dude from black sails. this time with 100% less horny on main because my only real motivation for watching it is it truly looks to be a whole new caliber of horrible and I have to see it.

witness my standards for incomprehensibly bad movies being raised prohibitively high in every way imaginable under the cut

I seriously doubt that.

this was made in 2013 by the way, not 1994 as the graphic design of that logo might suggest

oh good, once again we’re opening with an exposition narrator. except this time it’s a woman and she has less vocal inflection and emotional investment than an amazon echo.

I feel like she’s gonna tell me to turn left in 800ft

it feels like a dragon age epilogue, but just. worse.

WE ARE WATCHING A TRULY HIGH QUALITY MOVIE TONIGHT MY FRIENDS

I can’t even describe how bad this is, you really need the sound. that’s where the true lack of quality shines through. siri’s depressed sister is talking about pre-vampire dracula’s epic feats in battle to more weird sepia dioramas and the dying soldiers sound like they hired muppets to voice them

HOLY WIG BATMAN

also this dude is obnoxiously jovial considering he’s supposed to be dracula, even if this is pre-vampire

oh no dracula’s advisors, who all wear black hooded robes and scowl ominously, have betrayed him and killed his wife, how unexpected

someone drew these, looked at them, and thought “yeah that’s good enough to go in the final movie”

the characters are speaking both english and what I assume is... romanian or something? transylvanian? it’s not spanish or welsh I can tell you that much. anyway there are no subtitles and also no rhyme or reason to which they’re speaking at any given time so I hope I’m not missing anything important. probably not.

so like... they killed his wife, yes. and he went on a murderfest in what appears to be a church in revenge, makes sense. now a dude who... I think maybe he’s supposed to be a priest or something? but he wasn’t speaking english so I can’t be sure, then a voice over said “I have killed for god, the hand that fought for him will now be turned against him” but I’m unclear on who was speaking. this movie is an absolute clusterfuck and we aren’t even five minutes in yet. this is still the prologue.

now zombie alexa claims dracula was cursed with immortality “in punishment for his defiance” but I’m still not sure... what defiance. he killed the dudes who murdered his wife and that’s somehow not okay despite his apparent status as a war hero, a designation that implies a LOT of killing has already happened?

fucking finally, the title screen. usually a prologue clarifies what a movie is about but I went in thinking I knew and now have absolutely no idea what I’m watching.

a carriage drawn by friesians is rolling through a misty forest with wolf howling sound bites playing at random in the background to vaguely urgent music, now this is what I’m here to see.

nevermind the carriage is too slow so they’re leaving it because that’s a thing people do (?????)

“Lady Arwen, we cannot delay”

seriously though everyone’s mumbling so much I can’t understand them much better than when they were speaking whatever the other language was

BOOTLEG XENA RIDES AGAIN

but this time she’s accompanied by esme. we don’t know who esme is yet either.

there she goes

and now the knights are being attacked by hilarious squeaky goblin things? who I guess are led by this power rangers villain with, again, an unintentionally hilarious voice. it’s like a bad batman impression.

with every minute that passes I become less certain of what I’m actually watching.

they’re looking for the “light bringer” and telepathically overseen by the world’s most halfassed lestat dracula

they’ve also got some random prisoners in a cage wagon

okay the prisoners are being taken to dracula’s castle and I’m sorry for such an image-heavy post but I NEED you to understand the community theater level of set design/quality we’re dealing with here

“what is that?” cardboard and mod podge is my guess

so far the only thing esme has done is fall off her horse and be knocked unconscious, and now a Roving Band of Misogynists has appeared to harass Bootleg Xena 3.0 in the most generic way possible (the words “what ‘ave we got ‘ere” accompanied by a chorus of malicious cackling and some whistles have been spoken)

oooh no the ringleader of the Roving Misogynists has been given a name, and it’s ~Lucien~. I have a horrible feeling that I’m about to bear witness to the worst romantic subplot in the history of cinema.

oh for... I thought at least bootleg xena 3.0 would be a Strong Female Character and fight them off, but she just rapped lucien on the head with her sword and then they stole her very important box and left as obnoxiously as they came

OH NO SHE’S ASKING TO GO WITH THEM, SOMEHOW THAT’S HER PLAN I THINK I’M RIGHT SHE’S GONNA HOOK UP WITH LUCIEN AND IT’S GOING TO BE HORRIBLE.

“trust me” she says to esme, who, wisely, obviously does not.

I appreciate the timely thunderclap every single time the castle comes on screen

who the fuck are you, did you wander onto the wrong movie set

nope okay they’re not gonna explain that shot at all we’re just moving on to a shot of a weird angel shadow doing slow flamenco moves on the ceiling while ominously gurgling, and the prisoners being led into the throne room

“what’s happening to us?” I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THE SAME THING, PRISONER #3

oh never mind that guy from before wasn’t a priest, he is remfield, chancellor of this kingdom, which means the last scene he was in makes even less sense

AKSLDGHJFGAKDLFJGHKAJGHFDKLFDS;GJokay so. remfield introduced himself then said “I will see that your needs are tended to.” then dracula in his new white contacts gets up from his shadowy throne, circumnavigates the cluster of prisoners, sniffs them dramatically, and walks back to his throne. remfield then says, “come, I will see that your needs are tended to” because proofreading is for COWARDS

now remfield is... literally giving the prisoners a tour of the castle and going on the “oh you’re our guests and many pleasures and adventures await you” speech and somehow the prisoners are accepting this despite the fact that they were just carted in on a barred wagon in shackles and got sniffed by a bad alucard cosplayer. they have a fucking harpist.

seriously, who the fuck are you

she’s just been twirling around in the background of this entire scene for no discernible reason no matter what rooms they go into

what the hell am I watching

yeah they’re just going for that incredibly suspicious food and also seem weirdly okay with the ambient clusters of scantily clad lesbians no one will explain okay they deserve whatever happens to them

WHOA TITS apparently this movie is a different rating than I thought

remfield: the newcomers have settled in

dracula: I  d o n ‘ t  l i k e  s t r a n g e r s

then why pray tell have you brought them directly into your home in chains. I cannot stress enough how avoidable this situation was for you my dude

“just think sire, once the light bringer is in your possession no one need die again” “except those who defy me” [ominous chime as the angel shadow on the ceiling continues its sensuous flamenco dance]

meanwhile in the misty blue filter forest of eternal night, some guy in a tricorn finds a gold amulet that I think bootleg xena 3.0 dropped, and the power ranger villain rides menacingly in a random direction for a few seconds

I’m still waiting on whether this masterful display of cinematic calvinball has any cohesive story to it.

ah joy and we’re back to The Non-Adventures of Xena 3.0, Esme, and the Roving Misogynists

as an aside, I’m not calling her that just to be dumb, I’m calling her that because they still haven’t given her a name even though her sidekick got one in the first five minutes

they’ve opened the box and revealed... the light bringer, which is a wooden staff. because it is not shiny gold, the roving misogynists regard it with confounded disgrunglement and scoff at xena 3.0′s insistence that it can defeat dracula

these guys sound like what an eleven year old thinks gangs of ne’er-do-wells sound like. like cartoon weasels, if the weasels were also mediocre pirates who have heard of women, conceptually, but never seen one. like goblins in a pre-written D&D campaign run by a slightly overwhelmed first time DM.

HUR DUR WALKING STICK NOT TREASURE, WOMAN DUMB

it’s what cain used to slay abel, apparently. given that zombie alexa mentioned that dracula is the descendent of abel, this leaves us with the terrifying implication that someone did put at least some vestige of effort into writing this movie.

oh good she’s finally gonna fight lucien

no she failed again. please someone just punch the shit out of lucien so he’ll stop.

NO WHY ARE YOU MAKING OUT STOP IT GOD HAVE SOME STANDARDS WOMAN. STOP PLAYING FLOATY ROMANTIC MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND THEY ARE LITERALLY STILL STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ENTIRE BAND OF ROVING MISOGYNISTS

I thought it might at least be a trick but no she is actually, genuinely starstruck over this profoundly mediocre olde-timey frat boy who called her “sweetheart” while she was trying to explain to him why the ancient dracula-defeating relic was important.

this guy.

we did it boys, we found a worse love story than twilight

also I just. I wish I could convey with words the way the roving misogynists react to every single thing lucien and sometimes xena 3.0 says like the world’s worst greek chorus in a literally neverending stream

lucien (post makeout and xena 3.0 explaining again that the relic is ancient and powerful and they’ve searched for ages to find it): well we may not be knights but we can respect that

[cacophony of rowdy but understated agreement]

lucien: what do you think boys, should we give it back?

[assorted grumbles of assent]

xena 3.0: hm, a thief with a conscience

[gruff mercenary-esque chuckling]

lucien: maybe even a heart

[chorus of “ooooooOOOooh”s and some whistles]

it just goes on like that in every scene they happen to be physically adjacent to, they never shut up but also never actually contribute or say anything meaningful

ah, the mysterious leonardo has appeared. I think he was the one they were trying to take the light bringer to so that’s handy

“what is happening here? what is this flirtation?? is this the people to share your sacred secrets with???” - leonardo, the only remotely rational person in the entire movie

oh he is schooling these idiots, finally someone with sense. it’s bouncing right off of lucien, but at least he’s saying it.

“the scourge” - leonardo

“scourge!” “scourge!?” “scourge?” “hrgghhg??” “hrrm...” - the roving misogynists

power ranger villain and his squeaking goblins vs leonardo, the most useless female leads of all time, and the roving misogynists. who will win.

not the people watching this movie, I can tell you that much.

oh no, the lightbringer isn’t working. this will do nothing to convince the roving misogynists that it isn’t a walking stick

oop, wilhelm scream

oh no lucien has picked up the light bringer

goddamn it he’s the chosen one isn’t he

yep he activated the stick and now we all have to suffer

oh xena 3.0′s coming for power ranger villain maybe she’ll actually do something

nope she bounced off him and now he’s grabbed her and hauled her onto his horse

“you’re coming with me” he says in his weird batman voice, to make sure the audience can tell that he is in fact taking her with him

and esme has yelled “no” to make sure we remember that she’s in the movie

wait what the. did lucien just yell “xena” is that her actual name what the fuck. what the fuck. I had to have misheard that. okay I can’t tell what he’s saying for sure but someone’s bound to say her name again at some point in the movie so I’ll revisit that.

and on that note, I think I’ll end here, because there ended up being a LOT more to unpack in this movie than I expected, it’s after midnight, and I’m tired.

tomorrow, we follow lucien as he presumably goes to save some lady he wildly disrespected and then made out with one time whose name may or may not actually be xena, and hopefully figure out what the hell is even going on with dracula, remfield, and their castle full of artfully strewn half naked harpist lesbians and dancing ceiling shadows. because right now I really don’t have time to unpack all that, and I have a feeling it will only get worse.

[iturbide]

Is it weird that I kinda wanna know more about Validar or rather seem more stories with him since there are no doubt so many f-ed up things he could do to poor Robin. I somehow see him as someone who just touched Robin like overly so. Soft strokes, but there's something off about it. It's possessive and "slimey". I wonder how he even got to the point of siring robin in the first place. Was it consensual? Would he ever drop down to that level of abuse if he had Robin from the start?

Oh hey it’s one of my favorite thought experiments 8D 

So I have put an inordinate amount of thought into understanding Validar and how he ended up the way he did.  History is important: if even one thing had changed in Validar’s life before a certain point, it’s very likely that he could have ended up an entirely different person, someone with more capacity for kindness, someone even capable of truly loving another person. 

But that’s not what happened. 

I have a lot of thoughts about how the Plegian system of government works – namely the fact that the king and the hierophant of the Grimleal are not necessarily the same person.  It’s a bit weird and complicated owing entirely to the fact that Grima’s not involved directly anymore, since as a theocracy, Plegia looks to their divine dragon as the one true ruler.  In Grima’s absence, and lacking any proven proxy, they have instead turned to a system based on divination of their fallen divine’s will.  Whenever a king dies, the six most powerful diviners in Plegia (one for each of Grima’s eyes) are called forth to select the next ruler by interpreting Grima’s will through their chosen medium; in order to keep things relatively simple and ensure the nation can keep running, the diviners limit their selections among the heads of the Grimleal faith and the members of the former king’s council, since those two groups have existing experience.  

Now, while there should logically be an equal chance of a Grimleal priest being selected as a former council member, for the past several centuries, the diviners’ selections have almost always been members of the king’s council; this heavy bias has coincided with the increasing corruption within the upper echelons of the church and the worrisome zealotry that’s gone with it.  In particular, Validar’s family has very long-standing ties with the church, and have held the rank of hierophant for countless decades, and they have been some of the foremost perpetrators behind this horrific spiral.  Which brings us to Validar’s father. 

Validar’s father was not a kind man.  He was not a caring man.  He had no time and patience for things like family: his sole interest was in restoring Grima to the world.  Initially, his goal had been to secure power over the nation in order to hasten that very goal; however, when the Plegian king died and the diviners were called, he was passed over for a member of the king’s council.  Irritated but not deterred, he proceeded to make arrangements and married a woman who boasted a very prominent bloodline, hoping that the child created from such a union would at last herald the fell dragon’s return; unfortunately, Validar did not bear the Brand, and his father never forgave him for that.  In his eyes, that absent mark proved his son a failure, and no matter how hard Validar tried, no matter how great his accomplishments or how prodigious his talents and genius, he was still worthless by his father’s single-minded estimation.  

As a child, Validar attempted to win his father’s favor with scholastic accomplishments.  When this failed, he began searching for other ways to change his father’s view, becoming an adept strategist and politician.  When this, too, did not bear the desired results, he turned to increasingly dangerous means of proving himself, researching dangerous, ancient magics and becoming one of the foremost sorcerers in the nation at a very young age.  And none of it had any effect.  Bitter, jaded, and hell-bent on proving his worth regardless of the cost, Validar shed any trace of ethics or morality he might have harbored up to that point, and turned his eyes on a new goal: bringing Grima back into the world – not just the one marked as the fell dragon’s proxy by the Brand, but the fell dragon himself, a feat that he knew would be possible thanks to a formidable ritual he’d uncovered in his research that, with suitable modifications, he was certain would call Grima’s own soul into the Branded vessel that bore the fell dragon’s blood. 

Shortly thereafter, the reigning Exalt in Ylisse launched his crusade against the ‘heathen’ Plegians, striking out across the border and laying waste to any settlement he came across.  Many of the villages in the eastern desert evacuated, and the refugees flocked to the capital for protection; among them was a young woman who, despite being a refugee herself, put all her time and effort toward helping others in whatever way she could.  She came to Validar’s attention less from her altruism, more for the raw, volatile magic she demonstrated in her attempts at administering first aid through magic: knowing that powerful arcane talents often implied a strong connection to Grima’s blood, Validar reached out to her, using his impressive speechcraft and manipulative nature to try and gain her favor before proposing to her. 

This woman, however, was well aware of who Validar was – as the son of the present hierophant, it was impossible not to know – and knew equally that he had no real interest in her.  But she accepted regardless, because she had no real interest in him, either: she knew that marrying into a family with such strong connections to the Grimleal hierarchy would give her immeasurably more opportunities to reach out and help the people of Plegia, from the refugees fleeing the warfront to the individuals fallen on hard times in need of aid and kindness.  In spite of the ongoing war, she still spent her days in the capital rather than cloistered safely away (much to the consternation of her guard), providing food and medicine to the masses huddled in the capital and awaiting the conflict’s end. 

Though they led separate lives that only led to their occasional meeting, Validar’s primary interest was in siring a child that might act as a suitable vessel, and they shared a bed regularly for this purpose.  In time, his wife became pregnant, and for months Validar bided his time, waiting for the birth, outwardly confident even as he prayed for success in his endeavor.  And, much to his delight (and relief), when the child was born, he did in fact bear Grima’s Mark. 

For the first time in Validar’s life, his father looked on him with approval.  And so he sought to push forward with his goal, believing fully that he was on the right track. 

AUs are great things, and depending on the situation, this can go a lot of different ways.  For a canon-type situation, where his wife escapes his control, Validar’s intention was actually to remove her from the picture entirely so that he could have full control over the child’s upbringing.  Though he is capable of extreme violence, Validar much prefers not to bloody his hands, instead preferring methods that cannot be tied back to him: he fully intended to murder his wife through use of a virulent poison, a plot which she uncovered along with the knowledge of what he intended to do with their child.  Desperate to protect her baby, she took Robin and fled Plegia – and with the loss of the Branded child, Validar’s father once more looked on him with contempt, berating him that he did one thing right in all his life, and then he ruined that, as well.  This cold dismissal is the last straw for Validar, whose yearning for the man’s approval twists fully into hateful loathing: he bides his time for several more years, kidnapping Aversa and training her to act as his right hand in the interim…and when the time is right, Validar sends her to murder his father in cold blood, staging it as a political assassination rather than a calculated crime of passion. 

In other situations, where Robin does remain closer for whatever reason (either with his wife still present or with her gone), Validar’s methods remain ultimately non-violent.  He prefers manipulation and mental or emotional abuse to physical methods in most cases, saving touch as a form of praise – but the way he uses it feels like an abuse of its own: often his preferred form of such praise is stroking his son’s hair, which seems more like a man petting a dog than a father engaging with his child.  And that’s very much because Validar doesn’t see Robin as his child, or even a child at all: he’s nothing more than the vessel Validar intends to draw Grima into, and he has no interest in anything beyond preparing that vessel to the fullest so that when Grima enters it, the might and magic at the fell dragon’s disposal will be unmatched. 

tl;dr hi yes i think about validar too much and it generally ends with me hating him more

[heyyy-thats-my-chips]

Tales of The Wicked

Chapter 1

 Goddess surely have a malicious taste of humor.

I can’t take a guess of what jokes she will make in the future, but surely it’ll makes me laugh when it’s time.

Like one time she decided to shows us a new dragon created from broken fragment of chaos dragon named Black Dragon that destroyed almost every villages it accidentally found and wiped out half of our population. I’m laughing even in my sleep. Watching us living in harmony must be boring for God.

Speaking of population, there are 7 races in this world, The Sorceress, The Warriors, The Clerics, The Kalis, The Archers, The Lancers and the last one, Assassins. I was born as an assassin.

The Kali race is the only race that have only women in the tribes, there’s barely men, except the elders. They were known as The Guardian of Ancient, the one who could read Goddess dreams. Remember what I said about God having a malicious taste of humor? Well, out of nowhere, Kali tribes was destroyed overnight, but one of them managed to escape and now she’s the only Kali in the world. And don’t forget about a sudden appearance of the Prophet who was predicted could save the world, but ended up being kidnapped by the mysterious Black Knight. And a white haired woman in red hood named Argenta visited the Calderock Village and claimed to be the Silver dragon, a fragment of ancient dragon who bossed around for her ‘job’ to find the Black Knight, but now the Black Knight and the Prophet are nowhere to be found.

And the rest? They were ordinary peoples, villagers. Many peoples except archers who didn’t go to a training camp would ended up as villagers, the blood of their ancestors will still flow within them, but discrimination from others will makes them forget about their origin. They’d lose their confident, but some of them will rise up and become important peoples instead, such as generals, soldiers, blacksmiths, tailors, warehouse keepers, mount trainers, potion makers, and the others I couldn’t remember. Studying as a trainee itself required lots of patience and times, you should be able to perform basic skills and be able to do the quests given by your trainer, such as entering a dungeon to gather specific ingredients and kill monsters and the mission could cost your life.

Oh, I forgot to mention, my ancestors were actually the real leaders of Silver Dagger, the most feared and famous guild in Saint Haven, their name will never be written in the history, but they’re the one who make history of victories and wars in almost every conflicts, even King Peter in Cassius Palace frequently sent them into secret missions or called them whenever they need a counsellor. You can tell from my story that my ancestors are the shadows of the Cassius. My father always told me that someday I’ll replace him, but I’m not interested.

Because of the absence of siblings in my family, my days are always filled with training and studying. My father shows no mercy, he trained me so hard that seems like he doesn’t care if I die during my training, but in the end of the day, my father will become softer and appreciate many thing that I did in my training and study. Sadly there’s only two of us in the family, there won’t be mother for me who welcomes me home. My mother died to protect me when I was a little kid because of sudden attack from Black Dragon in Saint Haven, and I know since her funeral held, my father is trying so hard to replaces her role. When I was younger, my father always told me a bedtime story in every night, but I refused and told him to tell me his journey instead, but he just smiled and tells me I’ll know it soon. Now my nights are filled with stupid tales of the ruler of God, named Desmodeus who ordered two Goddesses, Althea and Vestinel to create a world, but because of envy, Vestinel poisoned Goddess Althea into slumber and turns this world that created by Althea into chaos, and we, in the name of Silver Dagger, should bring peace back to the world, along with the ancient and chaos dragons. Now I really want the old tales of him back.

Since Saint Haven is the capital city of the world, where 7 of the races gathered to seek a better job, I frequently meet peoples from other races, and new adventures in every corner of the city. One day, when fate decided it’s time to meet my dear friend, I met him in the most unexpected way.

I remember that day, when my father forced me to enter one of dungeons in foothills of the Black Mountain, where almost all of the soldiers and members of many guilds from Saint Haven fought battalions of monsters that suddenly came and attacking the front base of Saint Haven’s fortress. It’s funny that when I watched the war while eating apple and sitting in the branches of highest tree in the foothills of the Black Mountain, I accidentally saw a boy with silver hair that has the most beautiful face even for a man, I snickered, he must be the new Knight Templar that has been in every headline of newspapers because of his contribution for Dragon Follower’s investigation. No wonder the King Cassius and General Douglass sent him in the front line, he’s strong.

I started to notice that he’s a rare case in his race, he’s a priest and also a paladin, meaning he could either be an inquisitor, a crusader, a saint, or even a guardian. Interesting.

But in just a second, something changes from his appearance, I furrowed, but then realize that he casts a spell to call lightning—upon me

I jumped to another tree before a thousand volts of lightning suddenly strikes the tree I was sit on, the fire quickly spreads from one branches to another, my half eaten apple is long gone. In the thick smoke and burning woods, I detect a flash movement of one people and suddenly the smoke in front of me is vanished, replaced by the beautiful face I’ve been watching. He spells a cast again and makes another thunderbolt strikes barely an inch from my place, if I didn’t move faster—

He continues to attack with force of winds and makes the trees around him breaking, a sharp piece of wood almost planted on my face, I jumped backward and let my body pulled down by gravity before hard ground under my feet breaking because of heavy pressure of mine, but then I must jump away from there before the shield of the Cleric makes the slightest contact with me.

A loud of crash could be heard. Our surrounding is filled with dust that flies because of Cleric’s attack—what a powerful skill he has. When the surrounding become clear from dust, I see something like an orb in front of my face—Cleric’s wand pointed at me.

“Who are you? Are you a Dragon Follower’s spy?” He exclaimed,

“I think you got the wrong person.” I lifted up both of my hands, but seems like it only makes him more suspicious because he just shoves his wand closer to my face.

“I ask you once again, who are you?” He demanded,

I sighed heavily. “My name is Reuvaldy.”

But seems like my answer didn’t satisfy him, he furrowed deeply. “What?” I shrugged, “you asked me who am I didn’t you-” my words are cut off by a sudden enormous cross that fell besides us, and there’s lightning in every inch of it.

“If you don’t answer me, I will not hesitate to kill you.”

“Alright! I’m an adventure who’s too lazy to join you defeating those monsters.”

He fell silence for a while, but then he quickly composed himself, “show me your license.”

I rummage through my pocket, then hand him the license my father gave me so I didn’t have to go to the training camps, in exchanges of strenuous training from my father himself. He takes it and examining it carefully before handing it back to me. But I know he didn’t read any description in my license.

“I’ll let you go this time, but you should help us get rid of the monsters.” He stated, I reply it with a heavy sigh.

“Fine.” I got up, “but before that, could you please remove your cross thing? It makes me uncomfortable.”

He looked at me once again before flicked his finger, which makes the enormous cross of lightning disappear. “Let’s go, we don’t have much time.” He turns around and runs into the war while shouting a command before he’s disappearing from my view. I chuckled, maybe he’s not that bad, could spotted me far above the tree in short time. I quickly made my way to him by slashing monster’s throats that are on my way, another stupid orcs, and annoying goblins that basically a parasite in every monster battalion tried to stop me, I smirked, “shower me with blood.” I snorted as I cut another orc’s throat open, a disgusting blood of them burst out, making another monsters fled when I glared at them. But it doesn’t affect the cocky harpies, they must thought they’re strong enough to kill us—especially the one with red feathers. But they’re all wrong, I slipped my hand into my pocket and quickly throws my

I finally saw the silver haired boy again, but before I could reach him, there’s a deafening howl echoing through the Foothills.

Yes I do realize we’re in the very front line of the soldiers, and I do realize those howl means the General monster has come down. And I do saw the gigantic General monster running to his target—the Cleric. “Cleric!” I shouted, but he can’t even moves because the monsters are surrounding him, I looked at the General monster who’s become very dangerously close to him and already lifted his giant axe pointed to the Cleric—there’s no time.

I lift my hand up in the air, absorbing the dark shadow into my hand before the fire starts to burns around the shadow, creating a red line which I called ‘hell’s ribbon’ and slowly this dark matter of mine forms into a huge piercing star which I throw toward the general monster’s neck and swiftly slash the monster into two before a loud metal clacking echoing through the foothills,

Shit.

The cleric’s eyes widened, he just saw one of the silver dagger’s legendary skill. He quickly turns his head and sees where I am standing, where the dark star came from.

I messed up.

The other monsters suddenly fled from the battlefield, their general is dead, making the soldiers and adventures confused with the sudden victory. The cleric’s view was blocked with hundreds monsters that run toward their base fortress, saving their life. The shout of victory filled the foothills of Black Mountain, they all cheering, except the cleric,

Who only saw a solid wood log laying on the spot where the assassin supposed to be.

[alirhi]

I just want this done 😭

When I was 15, I started RPing with my friends over AIM. Usually we'd only stick with a particular story or set of characters (always original work; I wasn't much into fanfiction back then, though I'd started a few that never went far lol) for a session or two and then move on, but I had this one friend - we'll call her T - who had one character with a really rich, interesting backstory. We stuck with him and the boy I'd created to pair with him and just kept developing this story over several months.

My character, Zephan, ended up getting sidelined by another, much more interesting character who got added later, Kieran. And the first incarnation of what would eventually become the Crossroads series was born.

This is a really long rant, so I'll be nice and put the rest under a cut.

I have no fucking idea why T wrote with me, tbh. She was in her 20s. I was 15 and really annoying, and really bad at writing. 😂 I look back over that early material (and my ooc ramblings) and I want to die. Or reach back through time and slap that kid lmao. But anyway, for some reason this grown-ass lady put up with me, and my barf-inducing fawning over her character, and out of all that truly fucking awful writing, a pretty great idea came about.

I wasn't going to get into this, but then I realized context kind of matter lmao so here's a (hopefully) quick rundown on Crossroads 1.0:

Zephan is a bi cutie who meets a really hot guy, they hit it off right away (no insta-love, so at least I had that going for me lol) and start dating. They both have secret traumatic pasts neither is ready to reveal to the other, but of course, they come back to bite them in their respective asses. Zephan starts acting really strange; not moody so much as literally his entire personality changes. Eventually he learns that when he was a baby, he was possessed by this dying creature who needed a body - Kieran. And part of Zephan's trauma is actually linked to a monster from Kieran's past tracking him down. Kieran was weakened by the shit that almost killed him, so once he was safe in a new body, he kinda just went to sleep for 20 years. But then he started waking up and taking control of the body, which Zeph's not too happy about. They fight for dominance, hurting Zephan's bf in the process (emotionally lol not physically), and bf fucks off to a scary place from his past while Zephan and Kieran go to Kieran's home world to try to sort some shit out. It doesn't work. Eventually, they do figure something out with the help of one of Zeph's best friends, Leyna, who happens to be a super powerful witch. She splits them and gives Kieran a new body, he goes home to face his monsters, Zeph tries to find his bf... the whole thing was left unresolved because T and I drifted apart and I haven't spoken to her in like 17 years lol

in the meantime, I met a new bud. We'll call this one A. Me and A? IRL insta-love, yo! Not the romantic kind, but definitely BFFs from the second she first spoke to me. It's been a roller coaster since then lol. She's still very much in my life (is my unofficial sister) but our friendship has been nothing but drama the whole damn time. Not all of it was rl drama, though! A became my new RP partner! and guys, back in the day? This girl had some good ideas!

I can't remember anymore who was responsible for what. We spent years talking about this story... and not doing much else with it tbh. I got a little writing done here and there, but was hampered by all the rl fights and her flaking constantly, and when the drama got bad enough that we "stopped being friends" (every few weeks in high school lmao and a few times in our 20s), I had to go back and rewrite everything to get her contributions out of there.

It wasn't called Crossroads yet, btw. Until around 2012-ish, it was just this one story line - Achlais (T's suggested name for Kieran's world. I later learned that it's apparently Gaelic for "armpit" and was like "fuck that" XD but I loved the sound of it. so my friend - we'll call this one S - did some digging and found this really cool Greek deity Achlys and we were both like "yeah, that works." So...yeah. story was just Achlais/Achlys)

Achlais centered around Kieran and his struggles. Zephan became a footnote in this much more interesting character's journey. See, Kieran was born of trauma; he's a rape baby and the first thing he saw in the world was his mother being killed for having him. Never mind the fact that the man who killed her was his father and her rapist. Always blame the women, amirite? The cool thing is, though, daddy fucked himself over big time. Kieran was his first child, and by the very strict laws of their world (not Achlais; Kieran was born on a different world, called Takaldor, and then banished to Achlais) is the only legitimate heir to the throne. Oh, yeah. Daddy's King of Takalador. And mom? Mom's human, but she's also a Queen of another world in her own right. So enter leetle Kieran, heir to two thrones and shipped off to a third world and left to die. His body does, but his soul's too strong, so he body-hops for a while. Finds stillborn babies (no soul to fight him) and takes their bodies. Kieran gets to live, parents get to raise their child instead of mourning them. They never know their kiddo is actually just the vessel for a half-demon magical parasite lol.

It's in his last host body before Zephan that Kieran gets his name (mom was killed before naming him; he eventually found a host with a name he liked and kept it)... and also the bulk of his trauma. woo lol. He's kidnapped by the main villain, Kanaye (I was obsessed with A and K names in my teens. this story was rife with them until I painstakingly went through and changed as many as I could over the past few years), kept as a slave, bad things happen to him that I won't go into detail on because I forgot to put a trigger warning in the beginning. 😅 But just... really, really bad, traumatic shit. And even though his mind is fully grown at this point, his host body is a child (5ish when kidnapped, 7ish when Very Bad Stuff starts, 15 or so when he escapes. ...oh yeah, spoiler alert XD Kieran escapes). I had this policy that I still sometimes have trouble shaking off: I was never satisfied with my writing until it made me cringe (from ick factor, not from lack of quality lol. unfortunately, I have a very strong stomach and my tolerance for ick only grew as my writing got more icky lmao so... yeah. that snowballed.)

While in captivity/slavery, Kieran meets a girl also enslaved to Kanaye, named Amara (see? A and K names 🙄) and falls in love with her. He escapes, joins a gang (don't ask 😂 I'm trying to keep this as bare-bones as possible because there are a lot more stories than just this one in Crossroads), eventually when he thinks he's strong enough to take on this crazy demon wizard, he goes back to rescue Amara. he fails completely, Amara is mortally wounded, Kieran's host is killed, and Amara uses the last of her strength (she's magical af and that's why Kanaye kept her around) to push his soul to Earth. The whole thing with Zephan happens, just with a different bf who opens up this whole awesome subplot having to do with one of Achlais's moons. Anyway, when Kieran gets his own body back, he goes back to Achlais (where his enemy has literally taken over the world) and leads a war against Kanaye. Then he stands against his father to avenge his mother, and eventually becomes King of Takalador. unfortunately, it's a super ultra over-the-top racist world so they hate him for being half human, and there's like civil war and shit. fun stuff. Also, his mother is brought back from the dead lmao. There was stuff with different types of dragons, a whole slew of fantasy species and magic and y'all I have been building this world since I was 14 (yes, before the RP that kicked off the main plot. I had the world before I had characters or plot)

I would love nothing more than to go into excruciating detail about the worlds and their canon history and that awesome moon subplot and everything, but... I mean, look how long this already is, and I haven't even touched on the other stories yet lmao

The first non-Achlais/Achlys story to get linked to it was A's and my amazing (if I do say so myself lol) retelling of the war between the Biblical Heaven and Hell. It's told from the perspective of the First Fallen, and reframes the entire thing. Adonai (God, if you didn't know his name) is a psychotic fuckwit, there's an oft-repeated saying that no man is made more in His image than his Catholic priests, and Lucifer and his followers didn't fight for the throne or because they hated humans or whatever. that was all propaganda. They fought for their freedom, and they won. As part of the treaty that finally ended the bloodshed, they were given Hell but with the caveat that they have to torture the souls of evildoers. Kay, fine. They got a level for that lol. They finally have a home! They're safe from Adonai!

Until he breaks the treaty himself, determined to have his favorite pet back, and kidnaps Lucifer. His eldest daughter (a general who helped lead the first war) invades Heaven to get him back and a second war breaks out. The rescue attempt is ultimately successful, but Luci's just about fucking had it. There are all these rumors that Adonai can be killed, but because he created all things, kill him and reality unravels. Lucifer gives zero fucks. He's willing to put it to the test. Turns out is exaggerated... but pretty much true. The reality he created - Heaven and Hell - does depend on him being there and, y'know, alive lol. and so it all collapses when Luci kills him. The few survivors become refugees and they end up on - you guessed it! - Achlys!

There's also this whole other realm we created with our own made up Gods and Goddesses, that also comes into play and has its own story arc, but we'll get back to that. Just remember that the main Godly place is called Valdell.

Next we have the one I'm struggling with most rn, DJ's story. DJ is the oldest OC of mine in the entire Crossroads series. I made him up when I was 13/14. Originally, he was supposed to sort of blend into the background; he was just the bestie of the one I'd intended to focus on, Kali. but Kali's kind of a fuckhead and DJ was much more fun lol. They're both still in play, and still besties, but DJ is the main and Kali's just kinda there XD

Oh, DJ Gallagher, how I love thee, let me count the ways... On the surface, his story doesn't seem at all connected to the rest of the Crossroads universe (unless you're eagle-eyed and notice little Easter eggs here and there). There's no magic, it takes place entirely on Earth (in my hometown in the 90s, specifically lol)... doesn't seem to have much to do with this epic fantasy adventure. but oh, it does. DJ's got quite the future ahead of him... or did, when A was supposed to be writing this with me.

You know what? DJ's getting his own post. He deserves the attention lol. Just know that I love this boy, and his story is the part of this series giving me the most grief right now in my attempts to rewrite yet again to get all of A's crap out of the way.

Claddagh - Rebecca's story that I posted a bunch of snippets from a few days ago - is the next road added to Crossroads. What's her connection to all this? Well, in addition to her meeting Lucifer and his daughter/General Haliel, you learn that she is actually Rachel's (Kieran's mom) little sister. She's also the final piece of the puzzle at the end, in the one book that ties all of these stories together. Thankfully, despite many attempts to get her to, A never even tried to look like she was helping with this one. S was, back when we were friends, but she ghosted me in 2015, so I wrote her character out, replaced her with Fiona, and got a much better plot out of the deal, so that worked out lol. Thanks for being a bitch, S!

There are smaller parts, as well (Claddagh's planned to be a pretty long series, and so was Achlys when A was involved) - Dying Breed, in which Johanna's mother is abducted and skeptical, cynical Jo is forced to see a world of magic that her mom had been trying to show her (and protect her from) all her life; Annwn, where we're shown that Jo's mom actually knew a boy from DJ's story, Ice, and begs him to take on this insane quest that only gets crazier once he's actually on it; and the Winter trilogy, which genuinely started out as a joke, but my friends liked what I had, so I decided to keep it. That one's... it's different. XD it's a "reverse harem" story that gets pretty squicky. I'm not entirely sure how much of my original plan to keep. A never had a hand in any of this (though a mutual friend of ours, L, was briefly trying to help me with Dying Breed before she had to bow out) but just because it didn't come from our 2 AM spazz sessions doesn't mean all the ideas are good lol.

And then there's Heart and Seoul, which is actually a really long fanfic we wrote 11 years ago. We never finished it (almost, though) but it got popular for a while, so we decided to convert it to an original and, due to references mainly in DJ's story, it became connected to Crossroads. I was actually very happy to cut that lol. It's A's baby so I feel a little bad for saying this, but... I never loved that story as much as she did. It was fun for a while, but I'm so over it.

Valdell had its own trilogy planned, at first, too, but it was kind of just more of the same tired crap that one comes to expect from A - mpreg for the hell of it and a "doomed" romance. meh. On their own, they're not bad story elements if done right, but when it's literally every goddamn story she comes up with, it gets old real quick.

So that was Crossroads 2.0 - it went through many stages and rewrites, but that's the basic gist. We had this whole interconnected Whedonverse concept, and an MCU Phase 1, 2, 3 thing going on (Phase 2 was kicked off by one of the Valdell Gods getting fed up with all the mortals' bumbling and erasing all of existence except his home and the other Gods. his wife flipped shit until he remade it. DJ was brought back as a girl. wife was like "fucking really? are you kidding me?" so he rolled his eyes and fixed it, and DJ got a Phase 3. also, Lucifer got 3 phases because of some shit with the whole killing Addie thing and a boy named Cole...)

It got...complicated, to say the least. Convoluted is probably more accurate. So when I made the decision to cut A out once and for all instead of spending my life in limbo waiting for her to suddenly become reliable, I cut like... that whole MCU concept. I also cut out a lot of what happened in Achlys, and around 20 planned books got cut down to 5. and the whole struggle with DJ... character arcs that I loved are gone, that whole awesome subplot I mentioned in Achlys? gone. which means I have to rewrite shit all the way back to the first book, because it was an underlying mystery that persisted through the whole series!

A lot of stuff, I cut because it was just bad. Whether it came from her brain or mine, or this weird hive mind thing we have going on when we're overtired, doesn't matter. It was bad. Some stuff was great, but I cut it because it was either her idea initially (she used to be so creative before she dug herself a little rut and decided it was comfy and dis is home nao) or tied into her ideas and characters too tightly. I couldn't cut her Achlys characters, for instance, without cutting that mystery subplot even though the mystery was 100% my idea, because we'd worked together on building the shit necessary for it to exist, and solving it for the reader hinged on A's characters in the Zephan chunk of the story. and none of that is there anymore. Zephan's not a part of this at all. That whole story line is gone.

Unfortunately, erasing the Zeph part also erases Leyna and her brother Lucian, and Lucian appears in DJ's story and that was a clever little tie-in before, but now it's just... a random boy who appears for one scene and is mentioned once or twice, and that's it.

So it's been a struggle, to say the least. I don't know if I should stick to my guns and keep this new, much shorter Crossroads 3.0, or rework it one more time to keep these elements I loved...somehow. ugh.

fml.

[fabianbutler]

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[commenter2]

Story arc ideas for yugioh sequel series (Part 1)

In my posts about anime that I personally think should return, I added yugioh on it but didn’t get into that much detail about it because I have a lot to say about what should happen next in the franchise.

After watching a few episodes of yugioh VRAINS, I found it really bland. Don’t get me wrong it has some good things, and I’m sure it gets better as the series progresses but even if I did want to watch the whole series as I don’t think it be as good as previous yugioh shows.

I know that this sounds like hate but that’s because I’m a big fan of the series but after years of the series having spinoff after spinoff, the anime series has gotten kinda bland which personally makes me think/hope that after VRAINS, Konami should take a break from doing spinoff series starring new characters and instead do some sort of sequel series to there previous shows, which now seems like a good time to do since not only is nostalgia a big thing now and that other anime series are doing it, but it be a cool way to expand on the yugioh universe without using a spinoff.

That’s why I made a fun 2 part list of ideas for potential story arcs that could be made for sequel series that take place in the various yugioh series (not counting VRAINS since its still new) along with other ideas.

This part contains miscellaneous ideas and ideas for the original yugioh series.

Here are the misc. ideas I have that could work for any (or all) of the show’s sequel series and future yugioh spinoffs. If you want skip this, then go to the paragraphs with the big gap between them.

Less background duelist/characters- I’ve noticed that for ever show (with a small exception for the original) there were always characters that though have the skills to duel, rarely did so and were always put into the background along with other non dueling people, where they would narrate duels and do other things until the writers put those character into a duel which would rarely happen and when they did they would usually lose to the main protagonist or an antagonist. Some big examples of this are Mai, Bastion, Leo, and Flip. 

Yes I know the show is suppose to center around the main protagonist and a few other main duelist but it’s just a waste having characters that can duel, not do so for long periods of time, as well as make them not only lose most of the time, but occasionally use cards that aren’t even going to be made into real life cards for the game.

Not only would having these characters duel more build more character development for them, pleasing fans of the anime, it’d also advertise more cards for Konami, which at the same time would have to make and release more cards for people of the game to buy/collect, which sounds like a win-win-win situation for everyone.

If not they should at least give reasons for why these people don’t duel as much, like one character’s a rookie so he watches people duel to learn how to be better or one that only duels certain people on his list or use certain cards.

Same with the non dueling characters, the writers should also try and have them do more in the show, beside be the cheer squad and narrate duels. One idea is that the non duelist do something to save the day while a main character duels a bad guy or let them have a skill/something convenient that helps the main characters quite often like a character being a good mechanic/computer expert or one who lends (or rents) his rare cards from his vast inventory to the characters that duel.

A true canon couple- Again I know the show is focused on showing duels between characters yet it surprises me that in the shows history, the series has only had a few romantic canon couples on it, and most of them are a stretch. We’ve seen characters on the show have feelings for one another and sometimes those same characters shows feelings back, so maybe, just to test it, Konami or whoever makes the anime should make a few characters on the show become a couple, and NOT near the end of the series. 

I personally see SOME benefits of having a couple on the show, one is that if its making characters that have/had a history of liking each other, it would please fans and shipper out there. Another is that couples could bring a new drama to the show like having one of the characters make a decision to either save the person they love or there other friends/the world from great evil. A couple could even bring in some funny moments in the show like them getting into fights that could result in cartoonish hilarity or them dueling out of anger. Then there’s the idea of having a canon couple (either one with main/recurring characters or a one shot appearance characters) be amazing at tag team duels (kinda like this couple in Zexal), making 2 other main characters have to work together and duel them. Speaking of which.

More tag team/non 1 vs. 1 duels- I always liked the occasional tag team duels/ other kinds of duels that would happen once in awhile cause they mix up the shows formula a bit, so it seemed like a waste that not many of these happened in the series. That’s why if any of these shows return, there should be more of these to mix things up, maybe they can replace some episodes that feature one episode length duels featuring the main protagonist ?

A villain that gets his “just deserts”- Another thing I’ve noticed that the human villains of the shows always do one of the following

1)   become a ally/friend of the protagonist after being defeated by protagonist and turn over a new leaf.

2)   Do the bidding of a much eviler force but comes around at some point.

3)   End up being possessed by an evil entity who is the big bad or was an evil force disguised as a human.

Either way no matter what, the human villains never truly pay for causing trouble for the protagonist and/or other people, sure there are some but still. That’s why I think they should change it up and have a human villain after being defeated go to jail or something that implies punishment but not death or eternal torture.

   All right with that over with, here are my ideas for potential are for the original yugioh series * insert bland spoiler alert warning here*

Making yugioh R an anime arc- Yugioh R was the name of a manga spinoff to the original yugioh manga. The story involved Yugi and the gang having to deal with Maximillion Pegasus’s protégé Yako, who wants to get his revenge on Yugi for (spoiler alter for the manga version) killing Pegasus (Pegasus dies in the manga) and does this by kidnapping Tea and after taking over Kaiba Corp, forcing Yugi and the others to save her while dealing with dueling professionals and Yako’s Wicked god cards.

I believe this has the potential of being a good arc since it involves a new threat in the original series as well as it featuring not only new characters but old ones as well, like Bandit Keith for example. Though if Konami ever does make this into an anime they will have to make a few tweaks here and there, since it involves Pegasus (and another yugioh character) being dead as well as it taking place after the Battle City Tournament. Other then that, this could work if they make this take place between the Battle City Tournament and Waking the Dragon, since Pegasus doesn’t reappear in the anime till Waking the Dragon.

Return of the Legendary Knights/Entering the duel monster spirit world- Though the concept of a duel monster spirit world was used for a filler season in the original series it was used a lot in GX and part of 5Ds. So what if there was a small arc where Yugi and the gang go to the duel monster spirit world to save it from an evil threat with the aid of the Legendary Knights. This could lead to new cards that surround the Knights and Dragons, which is good since Konami had recently made those anime only cards into real cards as well as explore/tell us more about the duel monster spirit world and how it and various other similar dimensions are connected to Earth.

Fighting an evil Greek king/queen- Speaking of the orichalcos arc, though used pretty badly, I kinda liked the idea of other ancient civilizations of Earth using duel monsters. I can see an arc being based around this idea, specifically one involving an evil Greek king (or queen as there aren’t that many female antagonist on the show) because if I recall my ancient history that civilization constantly fought against the Egyptians.

The arc could be about how during the first fights between the Egyptians and Greeks, an evil king/queen discovered the shadow games as well as duel monsters and he/she along with some of there closest allies used this power to fight against the Egyptians as well as take over other parts of the world, using their own duel monsters that would eventually inspire the creatures, heroes, and gods in there mythology, but before they could use the power of an almighty monster (maybe Typhon ?) to destroy the Egyptians once and for all they were stopped by the descendant of priest Kaiba. However similar to the Pharaoh, the king/queen sealed his/her spirit away somewhere vowing to return once all Egypt’s pharaohs are gone, which she does after the events of either the last episode of the original series or the Dark side of Dimensions movie, causing Yugi and the gang have to stop the new threat from ruling the world.

I think this would make for a good small arc cause not only would it show us more of the Yugioh world’s history but this could also result in the creation of a Greek myth themed deck archetype, cause looking back I’m surprised Konami hasn’t tried to make one yet, especially Divine cards based on some of the Greek gods.

A season about going to the Shadow Realm- Though used a lot in the original series we don’t really know that much about the Shadow Realm, besides that it’s a place of darkness and torture where souls of the losers in shadow games go to, as well as where some duel spirits come from (at least before the concept of the duel spirit world was introduced) so what if there was a arc that surrounded it ?

What if after all the recent shadow games that were happening in the original series, an ancient villain is able to make a tear between the realms and enters the mortal realm where he starts his plans to rule it like he did thousands of years ago, but when the gang try and stop him, they (minus Kaiba) get sent to the Shadow Realm, which as a result makes them duel there way out of it in order to get back in time to save the world.

It’d be kinda cool cause not only could we learn more about the Shadow Realm itself but Yugi and the gang would have to fight old enemies that were banished there like Kaiba's evil half, Yami Marik, and maybe the dark side of Aknadin to name a few.

A evil parallel Pharaoh- After Arc V revealed alternate dimensions in the yugioh franchise, what if there was a arc that used a similar idea ? In this case an evil version of the pharaoh that took over his universe’s Yugi’s body and enters our Yugi Muto’s universe where he and his minions, which are evil versions of Yugi’s friends invade, so now Yugi with the temporary return of the pharaoh must once again save the world from evil, which in this case is just as powerful as them.

The following are just other small ideas that could be use in almost any of these arc ideas.

Yugi saving the day without the Pharaoh- Though the 2 were together, the pharaoh was pretty much the one to save the world from evil, though with the help of Yugi and his friends, however what if there was an arc or two where Yugi and his friends had to save the world from a new evil WITHOUT the help of the Pharaoh.  This would be interesting cause we could see more of Yugi’s own dueling style as well as see how he is doing without the pharaoh, especially if the season takes place after the Darkside of Dimensions movie. 

A Joey and Kaiba tag team duel- This is one of the reasons why I think there should be more tag team duels. We’ve seen the 2 work together with Yugi in the past, but what if they had to work together in a duel? I can see this being a few good episodes as it would involve the 2 enemies working together. We could see the 2 learn to put aside there differences to defeat the enemy and maybe as a result end up respecting each other a bit more. I can also see there duel resulting in a new fusion monster that requires the Blue Eyes and Red Eyes in order to summon, heck maybe the enemy they fight could use a 3rd colored eyed dragon just as powerful as both as there Dragons, that be kinda cool don’t you think ?

Having Mai Valentine join the gang on an adventure at the beginning- Though Mai Valentine was a recurring character in the original series, she always joined the others late into the journey as well as never really did anything big, most of the time she was written out, like being sent to the shadow realm or appear from time to time in season 1. That’s why I think the plot of any possible sequel series should involve her joining the gang at the beginning of the adventure, as well as see her duel some more to help the gang, and win for a change. Plus this would be a cool callback to the 4th season where she became one reason was not being involved more as well as promising to see Joey again. Maybe she could replace Tea’s role in the team, at least until Tea returns, which is most likely to occur.

Seeing Pegasus get closure about his dead wife- Looking back at it now, I’m surprised that in the anime the writers never again brought up Pegasus pain about losing his wife, I mean that pain caused the events of the series to occur yet even when Pegasus returned in the anime they never mention it again, so bringing this up in a sequel series could give some character development for Pegasus. Maybe in an arc, he is persuaded by the bad guy in destroying Yugi and his friends in exchange of seeing his wife again, but after remembering what he almost did to see her again, plus having grown attach to Yugi and his friends he says no but as a result of his dead his wife (as a spirit) not only saves him from being killed by the bad guy but also gives him a gift in the form of a field of flowers she liked (or something like that), thereby closing that part of Pegasus’s life for good.

Kaiba getting a love interest- Now here me out. In the last season of the original series, we learned that in Seto’s past life, he was in love with a girl who possessed the Blue Eyes White Dragon spirit and after she died, she said he would be with him in the form of the Blue Eyes White Dragon, hence why the Kaiba we know loves the card. However my idea is that since a lot of previous characters the pharaoh knew reincarnated into the main characters, like Yugi, Seto, and grandpa what if she was reincarnated as well ! This could cause Seto to warm up as a character, hinting that he could care about others besides himself and Mokuba, thus giving him some more development, kinda like Vegeta in Dragon Ball Z though maybe not as goofy.

Part 2 will contain ideas for the rest of the yugioh shows but in the mean time did you like of these ideas ? Which of these would you like to see happen in a sequel series or spinoff ?

[eldritchsurveys]

1031.

5k Survey LXXV

3826. Why do most people associate being spiritual or connected to the world as being a hippy? >> Okay, so the first 25 questions in this section were all specifically about LOTR The Two Towers, for some reason? I’m not interested so I just skipped them entirely and am smushing the remaining 25 questions in this part into the other 50. Whatever. Anyway, because that’s the stereotype they’ve internalised, idk. Looking down on non-materialistic worldviews is a common modern pastime in the Western world, just in general. (Not that being a hippie is inherently a negative or stupid thing to be, but that’s definitely the sort of context this stereotype is going for.)

3827. Why is passion and honest emotion equated with hallmark cards? >> I feel like my answer to this would just be similar to my answer to the previous question. These ideas don’t necessarily have the same root, but they’re definitely related. 3828. What words set off alarms in your brain (for me it's anarchy, pagan, etc)? >> *blinks* Certainly not those words. Usually it’s words like, idk, “American values” and “lizard people”... 3829. Are you dancin in the dark? >> No. 3830. Name 2 things you have never done in public: >> I’ve never done the Charleston or the Riverdance in public.

3831. If you had to choose out of what you just named, which one WOULD you do in public? >> I don’t even know how to do those dances, which is part of the reason why I’ve never done them in public. 3832. Challenge yourself. Do whatever it is in public. Why not? What are you so terrified of? >> ... 3832. Is hell REALLY other people? >> The actual context of that quote is so much more interesting than seeing people using it as some kind of antisocial mantra. 3833. Or would it be more hellish to live totally without other people? >> We’re all aware that humans are social creatures, correct? Just making sure. 3834. Leggos or linkin logs? >> I had Lincoln Logs as a kid but not LEGO. 3835. What books have you read more than once? >> I’ve read The Fountainhead three times. 3836. Do you get different things out of reading a book a second time a year or more after reading it the first time? Is it because you are a different person after time passes? >> Yeah, I do, and yes, that’s why -- but first I have to convince myself to read a book more than once. My to-read list is so long all the time and then I learn about yet another interesting-sounding book and jump on that and the cycle never ends... it feels like a waste of time to go back and read books I’ve already read. Even though I know that’s not a logical way to think at all. 3837. The person who goes to ____ is not the same person who comes back. Fill in the blank with anything you think fits. >> Whatever. 3838. Quick! Empty your brain here! >> ... 3839. What's the best movie soundtrack? >> I’m partial to Clint Mansell soundtracks, personally. 3840. Tissues with or without aloe? >> I rarely even use tissues, but when I do, I’m not terribly precious about what kind they are. I just use whatever Sparrow bought. 3841. Are you on any medication? >> No. 3842. Does any part of your own body disgust you? If yes, isn't that odd? What could have caused that feeling of disgust with your own body? >> Having a body disgusts me, overall. Yeah, I’m not fond of the relationship I have with my body either, but it’d be one hell of an uphill battle to reprogram my brain to not think I’m gross. I’m doing my best, all right. 3843. Want some popcorn? >> No. 3844. What if Atlas shrugged? >> I imagine he’d do it in far less time than it takes to read that book. 3845. Who has led the most interesting life? >> ... 3846. What movies are comming out next year that you are looking forward to? >> Ha, what movies are coming out next year... that’s the question, innit. 3847. If someone is half man and half dog is he his own best friend? >> --- 3848. Paper or plastic? >> I usually get plastic bags. 3849. Why did things make sense in childhood, but they don't now? >> What things? 3850. Is it crazy time? >> --- 3851. If there is a lotto with 50 numbers, and a player picks 6 numbers without repeating any, what are their chances of getting all 6 winning numbers? >> I don’t know, dude.

3852. If there were no laws and no rules name 3 things you would do that you don't/wouldn't/can't do now? >> --- 3853. It's a costume party. What will your costume be if the theme is: the 70's? 80's? under the sea? 3854. Have you ever wanted to release the lobsters from those tanks in restraunts and put them back in the sea? >> Nope. 3855. How funky is your chicken? How loose is your goose? >> --- 3856. What's your favorite animal out of these: emu, otter, duck billed platypus, moose, skunk? >> Otter. 3857. priest, rabbi, or other religios leader, a judge, or a sea captain to perform your wedding? >> We had a nondenominational minister for ours. I’m sure we would have rather have gone with someone who wasn’t any flavour of Christian, but going through the French Quarter Wedding Chapel kind of was a path of least resistance. It’s hard to plan a wedding from a completely different part of the country than the place it’s being held, and the Chapel did a lot of the legwork for us. 3858. Do you think that it's okay for people to write their own wedding vows? >> What on earth would possess me to think otherwise? 3859. Rank these as places to be married. 1 = best. Your House or Yard The Beach A Park Disneyland A Forest A Catering Hall Las Vegas A church or temple A Courthouse On a Boat On a Space Station 3860. The Earth is doomed. A giant asteroid is headed our way. It will decimate the planet in 3.2 days. You and your family own a space pod and you have room for 7 people from the list below. Everyone else dies. Who do you pick? Orlando Bloom, Justin Timberlake, Joan Jett, John Denver Baby Eve (the first human clone), Jennifer Lopez, Johnny Depp, George W Bush, David Bowie, Charleton Heston, Ralph Nader, Moby, Jeff Bridges, Kelly Osbourne, Frank Zappa, Bill Clinton, Britney Spears, Osama Bin Laden The Pope, Eminem, Madonna >> *longsuffering sigh* 3861. Rank the following dead people in order of who you would like to spend the day with. 1 = you'd like to hang out with them the most. Joan of Arc Groucho Marx John Lennon Joey Ramone Anton Levay Tupac Jack Kerouac Aaliyah John F Kennedy Lucielle Ball Jim Morrison 3862. If you could grant immortality to one person you know (can't be yourself) who would you give it to? >> I don’t want to grant immortality to anyone. 3863. If you could grant immortality to one person who you do not know personally but know of (writer, politician, etc) who would you give it to? >> --- 3864. Name a person you love: Name a person you admire: Name a friend: Name a relative: If you had to condemn one of them to death to save the lives of the others who would it be and why? >> Just... not even going to touch this one. 3865. Would you rather be one of Santa's elves or a dentist? >> What... 3866. When you first meet people what do you talk to them about? >> There’s no one specific thing that I talk to people about... it’s obviously dependent on many factors (at least one of them having nothing to do with me). 3867. You have been invited to a party with any sports team in the world. Which one? >> No. 3868. Finish the sentances. In a world where: He was: She was: Together, they were: Why do so many movie trailers start off by saying 'In a world..'? >> I had a feeling this was about movie trailers, lol. I’m guessing it’s just convenient or something. (Also, that doesn’t happen much anymore. There’s a new set of trailer tropes now.) 3869. Make up a superhero with really unhelpful powers: >> --- 3870. A couple of days ago this guy won 14 million dollars and tried to donate 1 million to the salvation army. The salvation army turned the money down saying they didn't want dirty gambling money. Did they do the right thing? >> They did what was right from their point of view, which is a dogmatic conservative-Christian POV. 3871. If you had a spare million for charity work who would you donate it to? >> --- 3872. What's the craziest most shocking moment of rock and roll history that you can think of? >> --- 3873. Why is it that if a man kills another man in battle it's called heroic, but if he kills a man in the heat of passion, it's called murder? >> Perspective. 3874. What kind of punishment do you feel the following crimes deserve: premeditated murder? date rape? drug sales? drug use? burglery? 3875. If you could kiss anyone in the world on midnight at new year's eve, who would be the lucky one? >> ... 3876. You have just taken two sexy people prisoner because they found your hide out and you think they are spies. What do youd do: kill them, hump them or have crumpets and tea? >> What the fuck. 3877. What is your new year's resolution? >> --- 3878. Should the U.S. focus more on the threat from N. Korea or Iraq? >> --- 3879. Would you ever have plastic surgery? >> I don’t know, maybe. Mostly I just can’t afford shit like that, so the answer’s “no” by virtue of that alone. 3880. How can George Bush be considered a Christian when he a war-monger and the ten comandments say do not kill? >> Oh, you know. 3881. What is the most interesting premise for a reality tv show that you can think of? >> --- 3882. Who is the Hollywood Star next to die of a drug overdose? >> --- 3883. Do you find yourself caring a lot about online people, even if you haven't met or spoken to them off of the computer? >> Not... like, as a rule... 3884. When you hear the song puff the magic dragon what do you think? >> Weed, I guess. I don’t have any other associations with that song. 3885. Let's give you a tarot reading. Go on, ask any question: first card: the reversed high preistess. you may be expecting things to come too easily. You should be careful not to give up if they dont go your way. You're feeling a desire to escape, to withdraw into yourself. Shrug off your current lack of focus and work diligently to acheive the goals you want. second card: the reversed hanged man. You shouldnt be close-minded with your situation. There are many alternatives and possible solutions to your problems. Try something new. The last card: Justice. what goes around comes around. Seek advice on the matters at hand from elders. Do healthy things, spiritually and physically. 3886. What does 'boo' mean and how did it become a slang word of affection? >> www.dictionary.com 3887. How often do you stretch? >> Whenever I feel like it. I don’t schedule it or anything. 3888. Have you ever wished that you didn't have to be yourself? >> Yep. 3889. Would you rather wear shoes full of earthworms or a hat full of spiders? >> --- 3890. What are some things that for most people go unsaid? >> Bold of me to assume I know what most people are not saying out loud. Pretty sure mind-reading ain’t a thing. 3891. I said, 'Play me the best song in the world.' You put on: >> --- 3892. What happened last year that you would like to forget? >> --- 3893. What are you not able to do alone? >> Operate a seesaw. 3894. Do you feel more connected to earth air fire or water and why? >> Air, because I have a lot of it in my birth chart, I guess. Also, I just like space. (Both in the sense of “having physical space around me” and “outer space where all the stars and shit are”, although the latter isn’t air per se.) 3895. Which two words belong together and why: life, seawater, chocolate, blood, hair piece >> Depends on what you’re trying to reference, I guess. I can go with “life and chocolate” (obvious movie reference) or “blood and chocolate” (less obvious YA book/movie reference). 3896. If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress? >> Yeah, we all know this joke. 3897. Have you ever wanted to meet the inspectors with the numbers for names(i.e. inspected by 36)? >> What? 3898. Who is the most thought-provoking person you know, &why? >> Me. I stay thinkin about myself.  3899. If you could change 1 thing you did in the last 24 hours, what would it be & why? >> Meh, nothing. 3900. What is the most bizarre thing you've ever done? >> I’m not sure.

[themyskira]

The 18th Letter: A Love Story - Part 3

Previously: Alcmaeon is a super tortured and attractive and deep and complex immortal war criminal who wants to rape Wonder Woman. He has used the threat of mass slaughter and suffering to blackmail Diana into going on a date with him. Her friends variously think she is irresponsible, a dirty whore or the luckiest girl alive for being coerced into this against her will.

Alcmaeon spent the entire "date” trying to drug and mind-control Diana, but it’s okay because he’s fallen in love with her now. At the “date”’s conclusion, he kissed Diana while an enraged Superman used his powers to spy on them, because did I mention Superman secretly wants to bone Diana?

Also, Helena Kosmatos, the Golden Age Fury and avatar of the Erinyes, is a deluded violent angry jealous harpy who thinks Hippolyta is her mother and Diana is the devil incarnate, because Bitches Be Crazy.

In this final garbage fire of an issue, literally everyone is a horrible person and nothing makes sense. Vital plot points are contradicted, introduced out of nowhere and then contradicted again. And editing, haha, what’s that?

As before, trigger warnings for abusive and coercive behaviour, attempted date rape, victim blaming, slut shaming, normalising of abuse and general shitty treatment of women, and suicide.

Close in a pained, furious Superman, as Alcmaeon picks up his wanky monologue again. You know the drill by now: He was too late, much too late, blah blah written by the prophets, blah blah the pure and majestic and haunting beauty of Wonder Woman, blah blah reprieve from the abject torture and torment of Alcmaeon’s Deep and Complex and Interesting existence.

Actually, no, I need to address some of this monologue, because:

The war was already over. That was the price of a single night’s respite from my hellish, eternal existence. Millions of my sons and daughters — heirs of the Epigoni and of the ancient Pelasgian state of Gattica, all sworn to live and die by my command — after all, I only started the war for the express purpose of ending it. For her. To give her a dragon to slay. To bring her to me. These are the things men do. The extremities we are pushed to, all for that intangible splendour— the warmth of her favour. The sound of… her voice…

Have I mentioned how much I hate that Alcmaeon is the one who gets to narrate this story? As if it’s not bad enough that this whole sorry excuse for a comic is predicated on a villain attempting to rape Wonder Woman, he also gets to spend the whole time monologuing about his fucking manpain and how in love he is with her and, oh, he knows he’s a terrible human being but did he mention he’s also complex? And tortured? Because he’s so tortured, guys. Surely you all can understand how a tortured and complex man might be pushed to extremities by the love of a beautiful woman?!

And yes, Alcmaeon is an unreliable narrator and I’m not suggesting that any of the views he’s espousing are those of Christopher Priest. But by telling the story in his voice — and consciously choosing to frame it not as a hero-versus-villain clash, but as a Greek tragedy — Priest positions the reader to sympathise with Alcmaeon, to view him as a tragic figure condemned by Fate and Furies to this tortured existence, and he minimises Alcmaeon’s personal agency and culpability for his actions.

Yes, Alcmaeon’s story is tragic. He was damned by the Erinyes for the matricide he was duty-bound to commit. He was tormented for it across a hundred human lifetimes. We get it; his life sucks.

He still chose to use his limitless immortality and wealth and power to commit mass slaughter and attempt to blackmail, coerce and rape a woman.

In other words?

So fuck your “hellish eternal existence” sob story, and fuck your “these are the extremities we are pushed to”. Because this shit isn’t fate and it isn’t human nature. It’s a man using his power to abuse a woman, simple as that, and I’m not interested in listening to him justify it with some wanky self-narrative.

Oh, by the way, the whole time Alcmaeon is busy “poor me”-ing at us, Superman is having a tantrum throwing around tanks because he thinks Diana slept with Alcmaeon.

Well, okay, he’s mostly doing it because the ceasefire has been declared and the UN has officially asked the JLA to lead peacekeeping efforts. But he’s being extra scary and petulant about it because he’s mad about Diana having sex with somebody who’s not him. Since, as we established last issue, despite being ostensibly happily married to the love of his life, Lois Lane, Superman secretly fantasises about fucking Wonder Woman and is furious that she has a sex life.

“I’m a little distracted, J’onn… my objectivity isn’t quite what it needs to be.”

J’onn takes the lead, reminding the League that their one role is to enforce the peace, and that “should Wonder Woman’s initiative fail” they must withdraw from the conflict zone immediately.

Superdick hangs behind to continue brooding:

He stood there, dusting off his wounded pride. Marvelling at the surgical precision of the Martian’s turn of phrase— Wonder Woman’s “initiative”. That “initiative” was the only thing on his mind. That and the damning realisation that—

—he was too late. Much too late.

fuuuuuuuck yooooooou.

Fourth Episode

ugh.

(This is a misdirect. She just slept in his bed while he stood there staring at her creepily for the whole night.)

Her name was Diana. And I adored her.

Shithead contemplates himself in the bathroom mirror. He pulls out a gun. Positions it under his chin, prepares to pull the trigger— then Fury pops up out of nowhere to gloat at him. Alcmaeon admits that he can’t her Diana’s singing out of his head, blah blah haunting Greek lullaby driving him to distraction, blah blah metaphor for conscience and innocence.

Fury vanishes as Diana wanders into the bathroom. Diana knows she was there, bizarrely not because she heard their voices or caught a glimpse of Fury’s departure, but because she can smell her??

Alcmaeon explains that Fury came to taunt him about his failure. “To accomplish what?” Diana asks. “Seducing me?”

And this is where we find out exactly how Alcmaeon planned to rape Diana.

“On Themyscira there is a mystic named Magala who helped prepare me to meet you— by giving me special bathing oils to protect me from the genetically engineered hallucinogenic anodyne you use on women. Phillipus, captain of my mother’s guard, provided eye drops that filter out subliminal commands the micro-laser imagers in your contact lenses project several times per second. While I slept — with you watching from the next room all the while — a dear friend disarmed and destroyed your defences here at the castle, including your force fields.”

This is why I call bullshit on Priest’s assertion that Alcmaeon is “one of history’s great seducers”, “the most arrestingly, unexpectedly charming and disarming person to ever appear in a DC comic … a guy most any woman on the planet would fall immediately in love with”. That may well have been Priest’s intention, but the Alcmaeon we see in this story is only ever shown “seducing” women through blackmail, coercion, deception, drugging and mind control.

His plan to win Diana over was to rob her of her ability to consent with the equivalent of a high-tech roofie in her drink. And though he might claim to have genuinely fallen in love with her during their date-slash-hostage-situation, at no point during that evening did he stop trying to drug her. At no point did he remove the mind-control contact lenses. At no point did he call the forced ‘date’ off. At no point did he own up to what he had done or acknowledge its wrongness. At no point did he — nor will he ever in this story — apologise to Diana.

Alcmaeon is not a great seducer. Alcmaeon is a vile, unapologetic rapist.

This is an important distinction, and it’s upsetting that this story isn’t able to recognise it.

Because Diana’s not finished.

“But, you know, even in spite of those precautions— I’m still drawn to you.”

“Perhaps more out of pity than any ‘letter’ or parlour trick, but it’s true. You haven’t failed, Alcmaeon. I have— in my mission to teach our ways. For, in spite of the years I’ve invested in Man’s World, and your having spent nearly two full days in my presence— here you are, standing in the bathroom with a pistol. I have failed. Utterly and completely.”

Diana said something like this before during her conversation with Bruce — that despite having spent so much time in her presence, Bruce’s attitudes and worldview remained unchanged — and I find it deeply weird. It makes her come across as both naive and arrogant, as though simply the effect of being in her presence and listening to her espouse her philosophies will be enough to coax anybody to let go of deeply-held beliefs and prejudices. As though the length of time she spends in somebody’s presence ought to be have an equivalent impact on that person’s worldview. So much so that the fact that Alcmaeon hasn’t sworn off violence and committed himself to a life of poverty and charity after 48 hours basking in Diana’s holy presence can only mean some terrible failure on her part.

And given that this is a story that purports to have something to say about the potential for conflict between Wonder Woman’s mission and that of the JLA, given that Priest has himself said he sought to make some commentary about Diana’s mission, I think this failure to consider how Diana actually pursues her mission in the real world is pretty egregious.

Either that, or his Diana really is just too naive to live.

So Alcmaeon mopes his way over to the couch, reflecting on how tortured he felt as he watched Diana sleep.

It was the singing. Definitely. The entire time she slept, I waited at the doorway. Watching the air enter and leave…

Told you. Just stood there watching her the entire time.

So what do they do now, he asks? Are they having breakfast or are they fighting? Diana suggests a third option: Alcmaeon should kill himself! Like, right now! She’ll help, even!

Diana: What if you just stopped? Your obscene war of attrition with the Erinyes… the eternal struggle— what if you just ended it? Alcmaeon: …that’s… what you want me to do…? Diana: I want only to teach you our ways, Alcmaeon. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Those letters of prophecy carry the enchantment that keeps you eternally young— and eternally hunted. There remains some small part of you that despises the turns your life has taken. Some part of you that wants this all to end. Have the courage to listen to it…

Confused?

That might be because this is the first time we’re even told of the scrolls’ existence, let alone that they’re responsible for Alcmaeon’s eternal youth and the Furies’ hounding of him. Prior to this, we’ve had only two vague, single-sentence statements that all of Diana’s actions were preordained in a prophecy called ‘the 18th Letter’. We have not been told anything else about this prophecy, its significance or what it actually entails. There’s been no mention of enchantments.

Again, this stuff-up may be a consequence of Priest having to cut the story down from 96 pages to 66 — but again, that’s no excuse for shitty writing/editing. If the scrolls of prophecy are so integral to the plot and the resolution of the story (and, spoilers, they are), then don’t half-arse them in there in the final act.

Also, the way Diana describes them, these “scrolls of prophecy” don’t seem to be prophecies at all. If the enchantments in the scrolls are what seals Alcmaeon’s fate — and if burning the words is all it takes to reverse their predictions or prevent them from coming to pass — well, those aren’t prophecies, they’re spells.

Fate, particularly in Greek mythology, is intractable. It can’t be altered, no matter how hard you try to fight it or burn it with fire — and those who try only serve through their actions to hasten their own doom. This is a staple of Greek tragedy — and given that Priest has deliberately structured this story as a Greek tragedy, it’s bizarre that he’s suddenly treating Fate (and the vengeance of the Furies) as so disposable.

I’m also uncomfortable with the fact that Diana’s idea of a peaceful alternative is to advise Alcmaeon to commit suicide. Telling anybody to kill themself is a deeply shitty, harmful, despicable thing to do, and in this case it doesn’t even make narrative sense.

In different circumstances, I could imagine her giving similar counsel. If, say Alcmaeon was framed as a character trying to outrun death, who’d hurt and killed countless others in his effort to extend his life indefinitely, perhaps in fear of either the oblivion of the judgement that awaits him in the Underworld. In such an instance, I could see Diana encouraging him to confront this fear and end the losing war he’s fighting. I could see her trying to help him to finally let go.

But that’s not this story. Alcmaeon isn’t trying to outrun death, he’s trying to outrun punishment. Generations ago, he killed his mother to avenge his father, and ever since he’s been fleeing from the consequences of his actions, not caring how many people get hurt along the way. So “stop running” in this context doesn’t mean facing up to death, it means facing judgement. Standing trial like Orestes, or placing himself at the mercy of the gods, or simply planting himself in front of the Erinyes and vowing to run from his due no longer.

From a narrative standpoint — and a characterisation one; and, for that matter, a moral one — what Diana should be doing is encouraging Alcmaeon to finally, finally face up to his actions. Instead, she tells him to fucking kill himself.

(Sidenote: if the only way Alcmaeon can die is by burning the scrolls, then why was he preparing to blow his brains out three pages ago? What would that have accomplished?)

Anyway. Diana tells Alcmaeon to kill himself by burning the scrolls, even puts the cigarette lighter in his hand, but then this happens:

Because, as Priest has also failed to mention, the enchantments in the scrolls are the source of Helena’s youth and immortality as well.

The rest of the JLA hear the castle explode and turn as one.

J’onn is immediately focussed on containing the debris, but Supes’ only thought is for protecting Diana. I can’t help but be reminded of Superman/Wonder Woman, where the moment Clark started dating Diana he became inflamed by a Primal Man Instinct to Protect His Woman, forgetting entirely that his girlfriend is a friggin’ top-tier superhero who, in most cases, neither asks for nor needs his help.

He argues with J’onn, who points out that (a) Diana is capable of dealing with the situation, (b) she hasn’t made a distress call and (c) the castle is off-limits under their agreed rules of engagement, before Clark finally realises he’s being a dick and agrees that he should trust Diana.

Episode Fini

In the ruins of the castle, Fury holds a limp Diana by the hair and expositions about how she’s been hiding explosives in Alcmaeon’s castle for years. Just because, I guess. Then starts raving about all the things Diana has taken from her, including:

Her mother — by which she means Hippolyta, who is still alive and would probably welcome a visit from her protege

Her daughter — by which she means Lyta, who is still alive at this point in time, and whose woes (in Neil Gaiman’s Sandman) Diana had no part in

Her enchanted youth — which implies that the scrolls containing the enchantments have been destroyed, and, spoiler alert: they haven’t

BUT WORSE THAN ALL THESE INDIGNITIES!!! Diana has committed the terrible insult of—

…uh. Being attractive to the guy who spurned Helena? And then not actively trying to break his heart? Or something?

She quickly she gets back to beating the old “HIPPOLYTA WAS MY MUMMY FIRST!! MINE!!” horse. There is lots of aggressive punching and throwing marble columns at each other. Helena accuses Diana of being a hypocrite because Diana preaches love and peace while systematically destroying Helena and taking away everything that she is.

Diana grandiosely declares that she has taken nothing from Helena “except the lies you’ve lived with for decades!” Then she picks up Helena bodily, flies at top speed to the Aegean Islands and (from high in the air) flings her down roughly in front of her family’s graves. All the while, Diana is monologuing about how she is being merciful and true to herself by forcibly confronting Helena with the truth.

Which. We’ll get to how unnecessarily cruel and violent this is in a moment, but. Priest. Dude. Mate. Did you forget that the character you’re writing wields a lasso that is truth incarnate?? What is she doing hauling Helena hundreds of miles south to a very specific location that she should not feasibly know off the top of her head when could at least have taken a shot at using the lasso’s power to compel Helena to confront the truth?

And even allowing for dramatic licence, this is such a fucking dick move.

Diana has known since not long after their first meeting that Helena was Hippolyta’s protege during the forties and grew close to her during that time, and that this seems to be feeding into a delusion that she is Hippolyta’s daughter. During their subsequent interactions, Diana has learned that Helena is carrying a lot of rage and trauma and grief. And yet she consistently treats Helena with frustration, disgust, sanctimony and pity, rather than as somebody deserving of compassion.

There is no point where she attempts to resolve the conflict peacefully and offer the help Helena clearly needs. And it’s not as though it’s even a tough one to defuse! Diana learns almost immediately that Helena is lashing out violently because she feels Diana has stolen away her one remaining familial figure, i.e. Hippolyta — and yet it never clicks with her that, hey, maybe Hippolyta could help with this situation.

Instead of any of that, she repeatedly antagonises Helena by belittling her grief and anger, and scoffingly demanding she snap out of her delusions. When she eventually confronts Helena with the truth and pledges to ‘help’ her, she appears to be motivated not so much by compassion for a traumatised and hurting individual, or concern for the potential collateral damage of Helena’s rampage — but rather by the irritating inconvenience of Helena’s delusions and some holier-than-thou crap about being true to herself.

Anyway, Diana implores Helena to let her help, Helena screams in denial a lot and finally collapses in her arms. When Diana returns to the ruins of the palace, Alcmaeon is preparing to commit suicide by burning his enchanted scrolls. Before he does so, he hands one scroll to Diana, explaining that its enchantment ensures Helena’s eternal youth.

Diana: “You don’t have to burn them all, Alcmaeon— just don’t be a slave to the letters, anymore.”

…buhhhh

Look, while I’m thrilled that Diana is no longer actively encouraging a person to commit suicide, you can’t just change your tune in the final bloody act. Not nine pages ago, Diana said that Alcmaeon’s longevity and the Furies’ hounding of him were inextricably linked, and that the best thing he could do was “have the courage” to end both. She literally put the cigarette lighter in his hand and encouraged him to burn the scrolls. And now that he’s taking her advice, she’s suddenly all, ‘oh nah, let’s not be hasty, I didn’t mean you should top yourself; I just meant you shouldn’t let the words of the prophecies rule your life’— something he has never been portrayed as doing. The closest Alcmaeon gets to being “a slave to the letters” is using a conveniently unspecified prophecy as an excuse to attempt to rape Wonder Woman.

Alcmaeon just chuckles bitterly, though: “Change. You’re asking a 5,000-year-old gigolo to change. Think about what you’re saying.”

AGAIN. YOU ARE NOT A GIGOLO. YOU ARE A RAPIST. THERE IS A LARGE AND DISTINCT DIFFERENCE.

Then he goes even further and tells Diana that she has already killed him by making him ~feel love~ god I hate him so much. Diana kisses him as the scrolls burn, which means we get this gross scene and all I can think about is his tongue turning to ash in her mouth and somehow it’s one of the less revolting things in this shithouse comic

Exodus

More sloppy editing: if you’re going to commit to the Greek tragedy structure (prologue, parode, episodes and stasimons, and exode), then choose one set of terms and stick to them. Use consistent terminology and consistent transliteration. These headers have been all over the place.

Diana brings Helena to Themyscira, where Helena is immediately all “OMG MOTHER I HAVE FOUND U!!! because I guess that scene where she was cruelly forced to confront her parents’ graves had no effect whatsoever. Hippolyta kind of fixes her with a frozen smile and does a “………..hi……….person I absolutely remember and give a crap about……..”

To Hippolyta’s credit, she then goes on to affirm that she is Helena’s mother “in every way that matters”, a phrase that Diana repeats dubiously as a jubilant Helena is led off. Because, remember, would rather unhelpfully crow traumatic truths at people to win an argument as opposed to actually helping them find healing and acceptance. Hippolyta points this out: “Do you want to win or do you want to help her? Really, Diana, you should have a better sense of things…”

Then Diana hands Hippolyta the scroll Alcmaeon gave her — the titular 18th letter — and says it makes for some interesting reading: “It speaks of Alcmaeon’s many conquests, and his singular failure— a certain raven-haired queen… perhaps the basis of the so-called ‘prophecy’ that brought me to his door.”

Hippolyta narrows her eyes, then abruptly turns away. “Much better. You are learning, Diana. Luckily, so am I.”

And… I don’t know what to make of this?

I can see two possible interpretations for this scene, neither of which actually work in the context of the preceding story.

Number one: Hippolyta is the raven-haired queen described by the scroll, and as a result of her rebuff Alcmaeon devoted years of his life and a literal army to “seducing” her daughter, and then… I guess made up the prophecy as an excuse?

If this is the case, Priest has been blatantly lying to us all along. The very title of the story is a lie. The prophecy was a fake-out, and all this talk of Diana’s actions being predestined is blatantly false.

Number two: Diana is the raven-haired queen described by the scroll, which is indeed a prophecy foretelling Alcmaeon’s failure to “seduce” her. The reason Alcmaeon went to such reprehensible extents to try and blackmail, drug and mind control Diana into sleeping with him is because he intended to defy fate.

If this is the case, it’s come out of fucking nowhere, because this is the first we’re hearing of it.

Next, Diana visits Superman for the shittest not-apology ever.

‘Obviously you have disappointed me and degraded yourself with your terrible decision — and I still think it was a terrible decision — but it wasn’t for me to tell you not to do that terrible thing you did, so for that reason and that reason only, I apologise.’

You’ll notice Superman is standing with his back to Diana. Even after she lands behind him, he conspicuously fails to turn around and look her in the face. You wanna guess why? Go on, guess.

It’s because last issue he used his super-vision to perv on Diana and Alcmaeon’s kiss, which has led him to the conclusion that she’s a slutty mcslutface who soiled herself by doing the nasty with a warlord.

This unbelievable Superdick is so angry and disappointed with Diana that he can’t even look at her, because he believes either (a) that she had the nerve, the fucking nerve, to have consensual sex with someone without his explicit approval; or (b) that she was blackmailed into having what cannot be described as consensual sex with a man who was threatening to commit mass murder if she said no.

Diana’s eyes fill with angry tears and she tells him that her job is super fucking hard, okay, spreading a philosophy of peace and love in a world of “broken, dysfunctional, needy people”. And now “suddenly, the one man on Earth I felt I could depend on suddenly forgets who I am.”

And, honestly, I was so distracted by the incongruousness of Diana suddenly declaring that Superman is the only man she thought she could rely on, it took me all of a moment to notice that Christopher Priest had used “suddenly” twice in the one sentence.

Again: EDITING. EDITING IS YOUR FRIEND.

“I wish you had trusted me more,” Diana concludes. Superman makes this face in response:

Epilog

Batman berates Diana from the shadows again. You should have stuck to the plan, he tells her.

“He’s dead. Had I done things your way, would he be any deader?” She’s asking this of Batman, the guy who’s so rigidly against killing any person under any circumstances, he practically has the rule tattooed across his chest. Batman was apparently in on a plan to kill Alcmaeon.

In fact, the reason he’s mad at Diana is that she gave Alcmaeon a chance to not die, by giving him the scrolls and allowing him to make his own choice instead of (it’s implied) just destroying the scrolls outright.

Two things:

If they knew all along it was that easy to kill Alcmaeon, what the fuck did we have to sit through that revolting attempt at date rape for?

FUCKING BATMAN ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. BATMAN CAME UP WITH A PLAN TO KILL A GUY. BATMAN IS ANNOYED THAT DIANA CONSIDERED NOT KILLING THE GUY. BATMAN.

Bruce gives Diana a Deeply Symbolic Rose, saying, “You asked for some of what I have. Well, I have this. And now, we have the smallest piece of each other… we’ll just have to learn to live with what we’ve become.”

And so ends one of the most depressingly awful Wonder Woman stories I have ever had the misfortune of reading.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #133: Yesterday and Beyond...

March, 1975

This cover is a filthy, filthy lie. The hooded man does reveal his identity this issue but the Avengers are otherwise occupied and aren’t around for it. And the person he reveals his identity to already knows who he is.

We really start with Wanda’s magic training. Y’know, the thing that has kept her away from the team while they’ve been punching dead people?

She’s come pretty far.

She manages to Sorcerer’s Apprentice a chair to life, although it tires her way out. Using her mutant power to magic is exhausting. And since she was exhausted, she turned her attention from the man chair and it tries to kill her.

But Agatha Harkness is a good teacher and re-chaired the chair to protect Wanda. And gives her the important life lesson: “When one summons forth forces from beyond, one must never relinquish control, my dear.”

But she is pleased with Wanda’s progress.

Wanda only wishes that the Avengers would return from Vietnam so she could show them how far she’s come.

Agatha just darkly remarks that the Avengers are not in Vietnam. OR ON EARTH!

Wanda, maybe: ‘If those jerks went to space without me...’

But, no. The Avengers are in Limbo with the third tier evolution of Kang, Immortus.

Immortus explains that yes, he was totally humoring Kang about his sudden but inevitable betrayal. Getting angry about being a tube boy, pretending to want to team up to take out the Avengers. All of it was a cunning ruse to teach Kang the dominance of destiny by letting him make an ass out of himself, apparently.

And in exchange for using the Avengers in that scheme, he offers to show the hidden pasts of Mantis and Vision.

Except Vision has to go alone. Because his past is too recent and may affect the present if anyone but Vision knows it. APPARENTLY.

It sounds fake but its really so that Vision is alone for when he runs into mishaps in the next issue.

So Immortus hands Vision a synchro-staff which will guide and narrate Vision’s journey into the past.

Also, it later turns out that the synchro-staffs are Space Phantoms in disguise. Everything is Space Phantoms. Your lamp is a Space Phantom. Your dog is a Space Phantom. Your parents are Space Phantoms. That sudden feeling of existential paranoia you get when you realize that with shapeshifters like Skrulls and the Space Phantoms, anything and anyone could be imposters and you can never know for sure that what you know is real is a Space Phantom.

Why Immortus had a couple dumb aliens disguise themselves as glitzy sticks is known only to Immortus and Kurt Busiek. Its probably so that the sticks could lie to Vision and/or Mantis so that troublesome background elements could be retconned.

Although you could always just say the sticks lied so there’s still that matter of why the sticks had to be Space Phantoms specifically, Immortus?

Anyway, voop. Vision is in the past.

Now for the rest of everyone. They’re all going to Mantis’ backstory. Her past doesn’t get to be private. She’s going to have Hawkeye, Thor, and Iron Man watching and peanut gallerying her origin story.

Oh and Hawkeye makes a comment very much in line with Hawkeye’s tendencies towards sexual harassment.

Meanwhile elsewhere IN SPACE, Moondragon. The priestess of Titan and a character from the Captain Marvel book. She once was spanked by Ben Grimm and once fixed Daredevil’s eyes. She once turned into a dragon and was ridden through space by her girlfriend.

These are all far off things or irrelevant.

What is relevant is that she has picked up the Avengers’ signal calling for Captain Marvel and since he hasn’t answered, she feels compelled to. So off she goes to Avengers Mansion, to obey the inscrutable exhortations of her soul.

But that’s for later. For now its:

THE ORIGIN OF THE VISION

Firmly grasping an alien shaped like a scepter, Vision flies through time musing and contemplating and recapping.

He remembers the Sentinel back in #102 identifying him as three decades vintage.

Three decades and change would put that back to 1939, when the robot Human Torch first appeared.

And the alien disguised as a stick clarifies that it was November 1939. And then introduces itself. Except as a staff. Leaves out the part about being an alien because that hasn’t been invented yet.

Basically tells Visions that it will summarize events for his greater ease of understanding as they zip past them.

So 1939. We see Professor Phineas T. Horton introducing his synthetic man. As seen in Marvel Comics #1. Except there’s one tiny eensy little design flaw.

The dang thing bursts into flames if exposed to oxygen.

The gentlemen of the press overreact, demanding Horton destroy his creation before “some madman can grasp its principles and hurl it against our civilization!”

Horton refuses so the gentlemen of the press create an outcry that forces Horton to bury the project.

Literally bury it.

Put the air-tight tube in a steel container and then dunk that container in fast-drying cement.

There to stay until further experimentation finds a way to correct the flaw of having oxygen reactive skin. Or a way to control the synthetic man and make him do Horton’s bidding and make him a fortune.

Professor Phineas T. Horton is actually very concerned about money. He’s not in this solely for the discovery or prestige. He wants to make bank.

Unfortunately, he went a little cheap on the materials for burying the Human Torch forever. The alleged air-tight tube developed a small leak and after a few days enough air leaked in that the Human Torch ignited. And exploded.

The Human-shaped Torch was set free and freely did he fly around New York, accidentally spreading terror because he is a flying man on fire going around and melting things.

He came to realize that he was different from other people. For one thing, nobody else was on fire. And decided that he didn’t deserve the name “Human.” So unable to control himself, he flew into a swimming pool. But the pool belonged to a rackets boss named Sardo who trapped the Torch under the winter glass cover.

And there we get the meme. “You fucked up a perfectly good robot is what you did. It has anxiety.”

Because so perfectly did the Human Torch replicate a human being, he could even develop claustrophobia. And did. Because of being buried underground and because of being trapped in the pool.

And this latent claustrophobia is what caused Vision to panic with Dormammu’s quicksand, Taurus’ pool, and Kang’s Macrobots.

So that’s that explained. FOR NOW.

In the present Vietnam, the hooded man is still meeting with Swordsman’s force ghost. Swordghost tells hooded man to chillax a little. Everything is going according to plan. Moondragon is coming and Mantis is beginning her instruction in the history of the universe.

But despite all hooded man’s training with the Priests of Pama, he has to fret. The plan is so intricate with so many different points. If even one little thing goes wrong... and even if Swordghost says nothing will go wrong, Mantis is hooded man’s daughter!

Yeah. Hooded man is secretly Libra.

AND NOW THE ORIGIN OF MANTIS.

And here a cheeky narration box says that this was why Avengers #123 was titled “An Origin for Mantis.” Like I said at the time, it had ambiguity about it.

The party of Thor, Mantis, Iron Man, and Haweye fly through time. Except Thor is leading this time voyage and holding the Synchro-Staff despite this being about Mantis’ backstory because: “Mantis may yet be overcome by her empathic nature during this voyage, and she cannot be entrusted with my care.”

Fuck you, talking stick that is secretly an alien.

Annnnyway. Planet Hala. The Kree homeworld. And the first year of their recorded history. Because yes, Mantis’ backstory goes back this far. Or at least the context for understanding it does.

And the Kree were already a warlike people. Strong, brutal, quick to anger, and obligate carnivores. If you see a Kree eating a salad, it’s fake.

And their leader was Morag, the mightiest male who hunts the mightiest, most ferocious beasts for his eats.

Oh and Hala was inhabited by another intelligent race at this time too.

The Cotati. Psychic plant people evolved from algae. They can locomote, slowly, and can communicate telepathically.

And neither the Kree nor the Cotati have anything to do with each other.

Since the Kree can’t eat them and since the Cotati aren’t competitors for resources, the Kree consider the Cotati and also all plants as beneath their notice.

And the Cotati consider the Kree frenetic and unstable barbarians WHICH ISN’T REALLY WRONG.

But everything changes when imperialism happens.

A spaceship touches down on Hala, observed by both races and believed by both races to be harbinger of the end of the world. WHICH ISN’T REALLY WRONG.

And from the spaceship comes the Skrulls! In the future, the age old enemies of the Kree. In this flashback, some little green men from space. And these Skrulls are not the Skrulls we know.

I mean, they’re still arrogant jerks but they’re straightforward arrogant jerks. Emperor Dorrek I lays out exactly what their deal is.

In the past decade, the Skrulls have perfected interstellar travel and Skrull scouts have traveled around space only to discover that they’re the best in space. Nobody else they found even approached their level.

But not being warriors, the Skrulls have decided there’s another way to exploit all these space people. So Dorrek has been traveling planet to planet and offering a beneficial proposition (not sure its ‘mutually beneficial’ but it could reasonably be described as beneficial).

The Skrulls will provide knowledge and technology in exchange for the loyalty and resources of their vassal planets. Sounds easy enough.

Sounds a lot like the Shi’ar actually. They’re the most notable space empire for having a lot of vassal planets. Except they’re kind of assholes while the Skrulls would be mostly exploitative and condescending. So like less bad Shi’ar.

There is one caveat though. Having two intelligent races on a single planet could create confusion or dissension over who will be representing the planet to the Skrulls. So the Skrulls will set up a small test and settle who should represent the planet.

Seventeen Kree and seventeen Cotati will be taken to different uninhabited planetoids for a year with complete supplies. And when the Skrulls swing back to pick them up, they’ll judge what each group has done with their time. Easy peasy.

The Cotati immediately accept. They sense “arrogance but no deceit in the Skrulls” and plus they want to grow. Its a plant thing, probably.

The Kree are “too barbaric to allow themselves a luxury like trust” or maybe wise enough to know that you don’t immediately trust weird chinned aliens that come bearing situational gifts and not having psychic powers would prefer to take some time to think through their course of action.

So for the rest of the day, the Kree debate whether to take the Skrulls up on their offer or not. Declining would probably mean the Cotati would win by default but when Morag decides to agree to the offer its because “he has heard no way to gracefully decline.”

And buddy, I’ve been there. Social is hard.

So seventeen Kree and seventeen Cotati are taken aboard the Skrull’s mighty spaceship. The Cotati are taken a random planetoid and dumped off. They’re starting off on bad footing though. These seventeen Cotati have never been this far from the rest of their people before and suffer from the psychic isolation. Apparently they’re plunged into shock for days.

Hawkeye interrupts the story to comment that he was pretty sure that this whole thing was a Skrull trick. Speaking of tricks, someone, possibly Coloring Error, stole his pants while he was distracted by all this space history.

ANYway. Next the Kree are dropped off on a familiar looking planetoid called Earth’s Moon. Yup.

Of course, this took place a long, long time ago so life on Earth is still of the cellular variety.

The Skrulls set up an artificial atmosphere and left supplies and tools for the Kree. And then they leave the Kree for a year.

And the Kree haven’t been idle on a spaceship for the first time. During the journey, they’ve been making plans and as soon as the Skrulls leave, the Kree get to it.

They mind, they refine, they build. Its like Minecraft: Kree edition.

They apparently have near-perpetual daylight to work with. Which. I don’t know if that’s right. But whatever.

Each Kree works until he passes out, slumbers where he falls, and then gets back up to work again.

They stick to this routine for one full year (no party time for the Kree) and are finally able to look upon their completed project. A gargantuan gleaming blue city, a testament to Kree muscles and dedication and Skrull technology. A city with an artificial atmosphere on the Moon.

Yup. The Kree built the Blue Area that the Watcher squats in.

The Skrulls are extremely impressed. Its a nice city (Or it was when they first built it. Its a decaying ruin by the time the Fantastic Four find it) and they built it in a year with only seventeen people.

So the Skrulls gather up the Kree to transport them back to Hala. All through the journey back, the Kree envision long and glorious futures in the Skrull Empire for themselves. Which is a change in attitude from ‘we’re only doing this because we can’t think of the right way to say ‘thanks but no thanks to our first alien contact.’

But when Morag gets back home, he discovers that the rest of the Kree are all depressed and pissed off and nobody came out to welcome him home. Which: rude.

Nameless indistinguishable Kree guy tells Morag that the he wasted a year of his life. The Skrulls are more impressed with what the Cotati accomplished.

When the Cotati were left on their barren planetoid they reached out with their psychic plant powers and found ancient seeds and water beneath the planetoids surface. And they used these to create a, well, the comic doesn’t say this so I might as well. The Kree created the Blue Area of the Moon and the Cotati created a Green Area of Some Planetoid. A garden on an otherwise lifeless rock.

So Nameless Indistinguishable Kree Guy is sure that the Skrulls are going to pick the Cotati as the winners. And Morag is blown away that after struggling to build a city in only a year, a park is going to be judged more impressive.

Hell no. He worked too hard for the Kree to be left behind.

So the Kree pull out their ace in the hole to give themselves the edge in this contest. Which is that they are really, really good at murder.

Like, super good. Best at murder for lightyears.

So they head over under the cover of darkness and KILL THE COTATI!

And I don’t really approve or endorse using murder to win a contest to determine which race a silly group of green imperialists like best but.

I mean, you have to give them credit where its due. I wasn’t joking about the Kree being super good at murder.

Over one night, they manage to kill every Cotati. A species of plant people that occupied an entire half of the planet. And they manage this with nothing more than a pointy rock tied to a stick.

Its definitely an achievement.

Anyway, by morning the Kree greet the Skrulls and tell Emperor Dorrek that they went ahead and solved the dilemma of Hala’s reputation for him. No big.

Perhaps not surprisingly (since these are the relatively kinder and gentler Skrulls of untold ages ago) Dorrek does not take kindly to the news. He is, in fact, horrified.

Emperor Dorrek: “You -- did what? Fools! Did you believe this would gain you our favor? Skrulls may deal with barbarians, but we do not condone barbarism! Now, Hala shall be shut forever from our circle of favored worlds!”

Yup. He just up and perma-bans them.

Which might have come as a shaming moment for the Kree except they just killed half a world. A handful more won’t matter. And after being exposed to all the Skrull’s wonderful toys, they’re not going back to their former ignorance.

Hawkeye (Mr. Peanut Gallery apparently) calls Morag stark, raving crazy and the stick doesn’t disagree but does wonder if they would see any more sanity if they were perusing Earth’s history.

So the Kree rush the Skrull spaceship with their pointed sticks and murder all the Skrulls.

Because, again, these are the Skrulls of long ago. They are not the scheming warriors that endless war with the Kree made them. Instead, they’re pacifists. Of the ‘think fighting is beneath them’ type. So they all die without fighting back.

“So much for pacifism” announces Hawkeye. Because Hawkeye.

Mantis argues that pacifism doesn’t preclude self-defense and grieves that the Skrulls believed otherwise.

Although its weird that this is apparently the first time the Skrulls’ sales pitch was met with violence. They never went somewhere where someone tried to kill them? They had no contingency for that? Huh.

So now the Kree have the planet all to themselves and they have a pile of Skrull bodies (probably to eat) and a Skrull spaceship. And they’re going to reverse engineer that ship and go out into space and kill the rest of the Skrulls because then the Kree can be bosses of space.

And apparently the Skrulls back on their homeworld weren’t keeping great track of their emperor because they never knew what happened to that ship. Probably figured it fell into a negative space wedgie. So they were entirely unprepared when decades later, the Kree attacked them with an armada.

And thus began the Kree-Skrull War.

Again, don’t want to condone killing and eating aliens and stealing their stuff necessarily but to go from using spears to mastering spaceship construction in decades? That’s really impressive.

But its still a little unclear what this has to do with Mantis. And I love space history but we’re here to learn about what Mantis has to do with space history.

And that will come next issue as the stick tells them to prepare to journey onward for more story.

But geez. The Kree really are the biggest dicks in space, huh?

[prokopetz]

Is there a list of tabletops designed by/attributed to women? Any genre is fine, I just couldn't think of a single one.

Sure thing! Just off the top of my head:

Emily Care Boss

Very possibly one of the only creators in the tabletop roleplaying hobby whose stuff is even more artsy than Jenna Moran’s (see below), her games consist primarily of story driven one-shot titles with romantic themes, ranging from LARP frameworks to games designed for asynchronous online play (i.e., no direct interaction between players). Her most famous work is probably Breaking the Ice, a two-player RPG that’s literally designed to be played as part of a date. Much of her stuff is available for free; you’ll find it all on her site.

Cynthia Celeste Miller

A contributing author for both Mutants & Masterinds and Shadowrun 4th Edition, her best-known headline projects include Cartoon Action Hour, a genre emulation piece designed for games in the mode of 1980s Saturday morning cartoons like He-Man, G.I. Joe and Transformers G1; and Tomorrow Knights, a one-off tabletop adaptation of the comic series of the same name.

Jenna Moran

One of the biggest names today in the tabletop-roleplaying-games-as-art movement, her stuff has come up previously in my recommendation posts in the form of Chuubo’s Marvellous Wish-Granting Engine. Other notable works include Nobilis, a diceless god game that’s probably the highest-powered tabletop RPG ever published in terms of the sheer scale of what player characters are capable of - available in both grimdark early 2000s flavour and optimistic 2010s flavour - and an award-winning tabletop adaptation of the popular Hong Kong comic series Weapons of the Gods.

Sarah Newton

Ms. Newton works primarily with the FATE system, so if storygaming is your thing, her stuff is definitely worth checking out. She first came to the hobby’s attention with the swords-and-sorcery tome Legends of Anglerre, which she co-authored with Chris Birch; sadly, it’s no longer available via legitimate channels due to an expired license. However, her solo followup project, Mindiammer, remains very much available. It’s a sci-fi game that’s probably best described by the following hypothetical question: what if, early in its history, Iain M Banks’ Culture had gotten into a cold war with Warhammer 40K’s Imperium of Man? Gonzo transhumanism squares off against sinister tech-priests and fanatical space marines in stompy, radiation-spewing power armour - and yes, you can totally play as a sapient starship.

Annie Rush

I’ve previously plugged her Run Robot Red, a dystopian game about funny little robots. Her other major work is The Secret Lives of Gingerbread Men, a rules-light (as in “only 18 pages long”) game about living gingerbread men that presents itself as a 1:1 scale miniatures game. Yes, it wants you to use an actual gingerbread man as your minifig, and your actual home as the terrain.

There are plenty of others, of course; if you’ve been following this blog, you know that I’m mostly into auteur-driven indie games, so I’m not the best one to ask about contributing authors on major game lines like Dungeons & Dragons or the World of Darkness stuff - the preceding list focuses on notable solo projects by female creators.

[netherwar-rpg-blog]

Welcome to the Wardens, Nikki! Your application for a RANGER OC has been accepted with a Jenna Coleman FC.

I cannot emphasize how much I loved this application - I really love how you’ve created this delightful town and proud family which shows that you’ve taken the lore to heart. It’s really unique to see a Ranger awaken far from the Singing Tree but her connection to nature and the Giant Beasts show that Leila has a destiny she has yet to discover. The Wardens can certainly help with that! It was moving to see how Leila desperately wanted freedom and found independence through her friendship with Maeve - which ended messily for them both! It will be interesting to see how Leila interacts with other Priests and if her prejudice against them will continue to seethe!

The application can be found under the cut. You have 48 hours to create a roleplay account (cannot be a sideblog) for your character and we will be updating our opening date soon!

O O C - I N F O

Name: Nikki

Age: 20

Timezone: PST

Activity Level: Usually at least every other day!

Extra: –

C H A R A C T E R - I N F O

T H E - B A S I C S

Name: Leila Briardale

Gender: Female

Age: 28

Class: Ranger

Faceclaim: Jenna Coleman

C H A R A C T E R - D E T A I L S

Nationality: Carnish

Appearance: 

There is a raised chin and self-assured stance that suggests higher status, in money or title, of Leila.Yet, the wildness in her walk and the broiling defiance in her gaze-her large brown eyes barely restraining her emotions-hint at something else entirely. They hint of woods, of running, of a risky limitless expanse.

She stands just above five feet but her gestures and voice command room, demand attention. Though appearing unscathed, Leila has a sweeping scar on the side of her abdomen running above her hip while this is not usually noticeable, on account of being under her clothes, this may be seen when she wears looser or shorter shirts.

While she sometimes wears other jewelry, Leila has a plain bracelet made of dark rubber with a leather pad covered by a golden plate. She has smooth stone bracelets and anklets which can usually be seen on her person. Strapped on her thigh, beneath her skirt, is the body of a slingshot and a dagger.

Personality:

- Reckless: Outfitted with a thoughtlessness nurtured from a spoiled childhood in which her problems were cleaned up and hushed, Leila rushes into situations relying mostly on impulse and feeling. Now, knowing that life will always end in death and that nature will continue despite that, she lives with a careless abandon. Leila is enamored with freedom and life but she hasn’t found what she lives for, what will make her afraid to die. Her recklessness is fueled by her disregard for death because she has done more already than she would have done in her old life.

- Self-centered: Being guided by impulse and whims, Leila thinks little of how her actions will affect those around her. She has a certain streak of bossiness and a prying curiosity that knows little boundaries. If people don’t like her, she knows that they can just avoid her and so she’s indifferent to her rudeness. Leila’s thoughts are focused on either her own world or the world, nature, as it is. She’s more likely to work to rescue people she knows or the woods than strangers if she were to have to choose.

- Petty: Though Leila won’t hold grudges for too long, she will act on them. From rolling her eyes to organizing small pranks, Leila isn’t above being absolutely childish to get her revenge. Spite motivates her.

+ Daring: While others may hesitate to take on a dangerous quest, Leila would be the first to volunteer. There isn’t much that would cause her to pause so long as she sees value in doing it, this value able to be something as simple as it being interesting.

+ Honest: Even with her pranks, Leila hates to use trickery. When asked, Leila is usually truthful and straightforward. She doesn’t want to use others or deceive others. If she does trick someone for reasons other than some joke, the guilt weighs on her heavily.

+ Charming: Yes, she is a bit bossy and all over the place but she manages to dance in the space just below annoying, for most people. Perhaps, it is in her openness or her confidence but she has a charisma that, before annoyance, asks people to linger.

C H A R A C T E R - B A C K G R O U N D

History:

“This is it. I always wondered ‘Why must I? Why must I learn these lessons? Why must I be so uncomfortably dressed? Why must I hide my power? Why must I get married?’ But I don’t need to! Call me a disappointment, if you will. A simpleton. A wild child. I am a doll no longer; I am my own.”

The Briardales were a respectable family. Elias Briardale ruled the small town of Blumebell in a way that was neither deplorable or entirely just. Annelie Briardale, the most presentable of all Briardales, kept the locals placated and their reputation as pure as possible. She had married Elias for the town’s love of him and his charismatic cunning in business. Emmerich, their eldest child and only son, was to be raised to be the Baron of Blumebell, taking over Elias’s position. Leila, their lovely and sole daughter, was to be married.

That was Annelie’s plan, unoriginal but fitting. What Annelie had not planned was for Leila to start calling the trees her friends, for the small child of only five to claim her green thumb to be some power. Annelie insisted that she was merely a good gardener but the worry was planted in Annelie and grew as Leila did.

The wildness in Leila struggled to be contained. Running from her lessons, she would drag her brother off to play hide and seek or tag in their gardens. When her brother became too busy to be bothered, she would instead hide among the trees by herself. After disappearing for a whole day to avoid being taught proper posture while walking and sitting among other things, Annelie had their tall trees replaced with shorter ones that could hide nothing but perhaps a tiny bird. It was then that Annelie had to acknowledge Leila’s power, however, after catching sight of Leila from the window crouching into a rosebush to hide and seeing the flowers and thorns moving to avoid her.

Leila learned that this was the marking of a Ranger, that she had been given a gift from the Singing Tree. She wanted to visit it, to ask why it had chosen her and what it was that she should do. She wanted to go there, to go off and away. Distraught, Annelie forbid Leila from sharing her power, from using it, and developing it. This was for the good of the family. This was for her role in the family. This is what she must do.

As a child of ten, Leila learned how to sneak out at night. She had been forbidden from going into the gardens alone and so her night trips had been first purely out of spite. Running barefoot in the garden beneath the cover of darkness and starlight, she felt, she imagined, as how a bird does when lifted by a sudden gust of wind: ecstatically frightened.

During the summer of that year, Leila was invited by Emmerich to accompany him on his trip to a nearby town to meet potential marriage partners. She was almost bursting with excitement, unable to tear herself away from the window of the carriage she rode in. Emmerich rode beside them, insisting on taking his own horse out of his fondness for the beast and so that later he and Leila could ride on it through town together. In the second day of their traveling, they were attacked by bandits.

Leila saw Emmerich’s body slump in his saddle to be then carried into the woods by his startled horse. One of their guards chased him while the other drove the carriage swiftly down the road to keep Leila safe. They did not find Emmerich. Elias became quieter, sterner. Annelie’s desperation sharpened. Leila heard only of dear Emmerich and of her duties.

In the years following, Leila complied with Annelie’s lessons but she still snuck out of their manor, although her wanderings would now spill over into the town. She had seen a flash of the bandit’s face and she had taken it upon herself to find him if he ever were in Blumebell. During one of these searches, she happened upon Maeve.

Messily chopped red hair and a tempest of blue eyes, Maeve’s appearance captivated Leila. The fierce girl had stepped in after other street kids recognized Leila and started to bully her for gold. Maeve shut them up and dragged Leila away to start lecturing her for her goddamn foolish straight-out-of-a-dragon’s ass idea. They became friends soon after.

It was through this friendship that Leila learned of Emmerich’s actual state. While visiting a tavern whose owner would give Maeve free shepherd’s pies and other foods, Leila spotted the face of the bandit who had killed Emmerich. Maeve helped Leila tail the man, or rather Maeve was forced to follow along as Leila ran after him. Upon questioning the man with Maeve’s knife to his belly and Leila standing with all the ferocity Annelie had given and taught her, he admitted to being Emmerich’s friend.

The heir that never wanted to be wanted simply to marry a lady that had traveled to town and stayed long enough to capture his attention and for him to capture hers. Knowing full well that Annelie and Elias would never allow him to marry someone of questionable standing, he orchestrated a plan among his guards and the lady’s close friend to fake his death and run off. Leila had been used to confirm the death. Leila did not share this information with her parents. She tried resigning herself to being a proper Briardale lady but began to practice nature magic while finally allowed in their gardens by herself.

Annelie would have been happy with her daughter had her daughter sat still but Leila did not. At sixteen, Leila had learned how to present herself as someone Elias and Annelie could be proud of and she memorized that person but only acted that way if the situation called for it. Having learned enough, she took to running off during the day.

Maeve would meet her at the docks. Blumebell wasn’t the most well known town in the trade but had a good location at the mouth of a river that exited into the sea allowing for several types of fish. There Maeve would point at different boats and tell Leila of their type, their usage, and their history. Leila would listen but remember none of it, liking the way Maeve’s voice sounded during these teachings too much to commit herself to not needing them.

It was there, too, that they spoke of adventuring. Maeve wanted to become a pirate, to be some rascal on the seas, and Leila wanted to…she did not know what she wanted to do but she promised to eventually meet the pirate Maeve. Perhaps, she would have some special house for Maeve to hide in should she ever need it and there Leila would listen to Maeve’s adventures. Hearing this, Maeve insisted that she would take Leila out to some of her travels then but Leila would need some method to protect herself as to not burden the rest of the crew. The noblewoman began to practice archery and slingshots.

As Leila’s arranged marriage approached, she grew more and more restless. Elias increased the guards around their manor to keep Leila from running off daily. Annelie would bring Leila to her salons, though as opposed to just their created literature it became more a showing of various talents, and book clubs to expose her to other ladies of their status. Leila felt the most at ease during in the gardens during their strolls and evening gatherings but still there were too many people for her to relax. The obligations and the role suffocated her.

So she planned on running.

Escaping to the docks, she told Maeve of her wanting and Maeve agreed. She’d make some plan and they’d go at the end of the week. Leila gathered her things and went to meet Maeve. They set off on a small rowing boat during twilight. Leila did not know where to but assumed they would follow the coast to another town or some hidden house; she was amazed when night fell and she stared up at the lantern light of a ship. Leila had been cooped for some time during which Maeve had met a few others who knew of her and the Briardale lady.

Maeve apologized before pulling out her dagger, forcing Leila up the side of the ship, and tying her up. Leila stared at her friend who had finally become what she had wanted to be. Then she started cursing.

The journey to another settlement was a fairly short one, a week at the most, but it had felt lengthened due to Leila’s behavior. Eventually they threw her into a storeroom to quiet her insults and yells. When they finally arrived at another town, they kept Leila on board while the others went to get supplies and organize a ransom. Maeve and another pirate stayed on board to watch Leila. Hours passed then Leila heard fighting.

Someone had recognized the ship and called for guards and a few other visiting adventurers to deal with the pirate threat. Maeve burst into the storeroom, cut Leila free, and yelled at her to run. She followed Maeve off the ship but some others gave chase. They ran through the alleyways and side streets and had almost reached the edge of town and beginning of the woods when someone cut them off. The priest gave Maeve one chance to surrender but after the very blunt declination fought without much mercy. A guard, hearing the commotion, joined in on the battle. Leila watched not knowing who to help and saw the guard fall to Maeve. There was a brief grin on Maeve’s features before the priest’s sword pierced through her. Leila ran forward as the priest, using magic Leila had only heard about, brought the dead guard back to life.

She begged the priest to heal Maeve; he would not. She drew her dagger; he still would not. Leila darted forward but her attack was blocked. Rangers could heal, but she did not know how. She could feel Maeve weakening, though. She was too aware of it. The priest, frustrated and done with the whole ordeal, moved past Leila to finish the pirate. He was not expecting Leila to react so quickly. The wound in her side screamed but she kept going, taking Maeve on her back and willing her body to go, to go faster, to keep going.

Weakly, she heard Maeve laugh. “You, fucking fool, I am no friend. Get out of here.” And Maeve pushed herself off of Leila. All Leila could tell herself to do was to keep going further, eventually she collapsed in the forest.

When Leila awoke, it was to the sight of an approaching giant wolf. She sat up and used her magic to make medicinal plants to press to her side. Leila only stared, tired and pleading. The wolf stopped and returned her glare. Instead of eating her, the wolf walked off and returned with a rabbit.

In the year that followed, Leila nursed herself back to health and followed the Giant Wolf she named Mona. When Mona disappeared during mating season, Leila journeyed to Siften to find other Rangers and to finally see the Singing Tree. She learned eagerly but found herself missing Mona dearly. Leaving after a few years, Leila ventured back to search for Mona. She tracked Great Wolf prints, hurrying when the tracks indicated some fight and mixed with blood. Leila found Mona inside her den gravely wounded by several spearheads. There were signs of other wolves who had wandered out, perhaps driven by hunger. One, however, stayed behind. A pup as black as the water had been all those nights ago when Leila and Maeve had ran off slept frailly near Mona. Leila left the den and returned with food. She picked up the pup and fed him outside.

Naming him Veit, Leila raised him, traveling around the wilder lands and visiting only the smaller villagers. Still, she felt lost. There had to be more. Leila was finally free of being the tool of the Briardales and even the pawn of Maeve, but she had no other purpose for herself. When she heard about the Wardens, she thought that maybe, just maybe, that could work.

Reason for joining the Wardens:

Leila joined the Wardens to find some sort of purpose for herself. Having finally escaped what she had been ‘meant’ for, she found herself missing any sort of meaning. Maybe, this is why she was chosen to be a Ranger. At the very least, this is a productive way to pass time and hone her and Veit’s skills.

Desired Connections:

Leila is rather new to the Wardens though has probably heard of a few members from tavern talk. She definitely knows of THE LEADER, though, and is wary of her and the other priests. Leila tends to avoid the priests, if possible.

R O L E P L A Y - S A M P L E

(Please provide a sample of your writing to one of the prompts below or use another setting which fits with your character’s background and story.)

   In the muffled light of creeping dusk, Leila’s lantern creaked and swung. The tufts of light followed her down and through the narrowed alleys of Blumebell like the essence of an incessant ghost. The weighty blanket of nearing sundown deadened even the metallic clangs and busy jostlings of dinner preparations and shop closings. Leila’s footfalls could have been of a cat’s but still they felt too loud, too rushed, to her ears. She held her breath when passing a window or doorway as if her breathing would make all the difference.

    But, she was not afraid. No, she was not afraid. Nervous, yes. Her heart was a persistent pecking bird; it knew no rest. Not even when the looming structure of her manor was far behind her. Not even when the sun fully buried itself beneath its deep purple grave. Leila felt her hummingbird of a pulse up until she saw Maeve.

    Standing beside a rowing boat, Maeve raised her lantern to shine on Leila’s face. Her hair flared like fire in the wind and the light. “About time you got the fuck outta there.” Maeve had turned to load Leila’s things into the boat but not before a brief grin.

    “I was biding my time.” Leila balanced herself into the front of the boat, raising the corner of her lips with the arch of her brows. “Mother did say to make my entrances and exits as memorable as possible.” She was expecting some comment, some laugh or joke, but was met with a humming nod. But the sea was the sea and they were in a wooden leaf of a boat so Lydia counted the reaction as concern. Though she knew Maeve and Maeve knew the sea and all its modes of transport.

    “Where would you like to go first, Maeve?” The question was thrust hopefully into the air between them. “After we complete my daring escape, of course.” Leila drummed her fingers on her lap, the soft claps gone beneath the waves. “I don’t have much gold on me anymore and I won’t be able to give you the safe house as promised but I’ve gotten fairly good at the slingshot. As a matter of fact, if there’s a rock-” Glancing behind her to the front of the boat for a rock jutting above the water, Leila found, instead, a solid shadow in the distance.

    In the darkness, lanterns lit. Leila stared. Maeve said nothing but the rowing wavered then slowed then quickened. Within Leila: a dawning and a sinking. In a whisper, “No.”

    Before Maeve had even met Leila, she had known of her brother’s death. After Maeve had met Leila, she had found out how Leila had been used. Maeve knew. Leila had shared memories with her as Maeve had shared hopes with Leila. They were friends. They were to be adventurers together.

    Again, “No.” Again, silence.

   “So, you’ve found a ship and a crew? Where are we going then?” Nothing even with Leila’s nervousness dripping into her speech. “Maeve, I like surprises but this is stretching a bit too much, would you not think so?” Nothing. Leila looked at her friend, she could see her eyebrows ridged above narrowed eyes.

    The boat stopped just short of the ship and Maeve reached to her side. She unsheathed her dagger and met Leila’s eyes. Maeve’s lips parted and Leila felt fear then, a drowning sort of dread, a knowing sort of dread. “I’m sorry.”

[erin-rn]

How to Become A Witch in Nine Easy Lessons In the 1980's it was fashionable to be interested in the New Age. This is now a dreadful faux pas within the alternative scene, and in order to be accepted in the 21st Century metaphysical social set, one must have an interest in Witchcraft or Paganism. Of course, you don't have to actually belong to a coven in order to be thought of as a Witch, you can bluff your way into being accepted as a fully fledged Witch simply by knowing a few terms and dressing accordingly. This brings us to... Rule # 1: Image is Everything. After all, what's the good of being a Witch if nobody knows you are one? You must therefore wear black at all times. If possible, stay out of the sun until you become really pale, as this makes the effect even better. For women (and adventurous males) dark eyeliner and black nail polish can enhance this look. Also wear crystals and cheap occult paraphernalia at all times, and make sure that these are as gaudy and bizarre as possible, as this can only help your image. Wearing a pentacle around your neck is an absolutely necessary accessory - the bigger the better! Capes and cloaks are optional around town - it depends on how much of a visual impact you want to make, but either of these are also crucial apparel at any ritual or gathering that you may attend. Rule # 2: Name Dropping is Good. Every serious student of The Craft (and I'm talking here about the term for Witchcraft, not macrame) knows the name Gerald Gardner. This man revitalised Witchcraft in the mid 1900's with his book about the true history of The Old Religion (some have called this book pure fiction, but only those picky few who like books to be based on facts). Real Witches however, never let historical accuracy get in the way of their spiritual path, so in conversations with other witches, quote his name as often as possible (in tones of awe) and you will always be rewarded with smiles of acceptance. Rule # 3: Past Life Name Dropping is Even Better. Tell everyone about the past life memories that have been surfacing since you began studying the Black Arts. It is especially useful to remember a past lifetime as a Witch who was killed during the Inquisition, or at least recall a lifetime as a famous occultist. My past lives have included Aleister Crowley, Cagliostro, Mandrake the Magician, and most of the cast of "Bewitched". Rule # 4: Behave Strangely. Never forget why it was that you wanted to become a Witch - yes, so that you have an excuse for strange behaviour. Previously labelled eccentric behaviour patterns can now be accepted by others if they have a reason to explain it, even if that reason for howling at full moons while naked is simply, "He/she is a Witch, that's normal for them evidently." So, don't let your friends down, behave strangely, you can get away with it now. Rule # 5: Watch Occult Movies. Make sure that you watch the movie "Warlock" lots of times to perfect those soft landings after over-indulging with the flying ointments (read as mead and weed). Rule # 6: Ready Yourself for Sex, Money and Power. Wasn't this the other reason you were drawn to Witchcraft? In the past, adepts of the occult were known to possess charismatic, lusty and powerful personas - when people find out that you are a Witch, they may automatically assume (and therefore empower you) with these same qualities. This may sound pretty good, but unfortunately in today's world, another group of people have become even more established within the realms of kinky sex sessions and unlimited power - yes, the politicians! Beware of this elitist group of power-brokers... they don't want any competition to their manipulative monopoly over the gullible public - hence the laws against Witchcraft and divination that have remained unchanged for centuries. So, if calling yourself a High Priest doesn't lead you to unlimited sex, money and power - or if it does, but you then find yourself as the target of political and legal harassment - you may have to put aside your cloak and broomstick and pick up a pin-stripe suit and a back-bench in Parliament. If you can't beat them, try bribery, then if that doesn't work... join them! Rule # 7: Atmosphere is Essential. Your home must reflect your Witchy nature. Incense must burn continuously. It's important that visitors see clouds of incense smoke billowing from a spluttering censer in the corner of your dim, dank and dusty home, so dismantle the smoke detectors and start collecting strange little bottles of exotic looking ingredients (use your imagination and label them with names like powdered bat's eyes, or dried dragon's gonads). And if you don't like housework, you can explain that the layer of dust that covers your floors and furniture helps to neutralise the highly charged psychic energy that results from your magical spells, thereby protecting your home and possessions from electromagnetic disintegration. Rule # 8: Be Patronising to Christians. In social discussions don't forget to make plenty of derogatory remarks about fundamentalist Christians, but remember to save your most biting comments for other Witches that you don't get along with. Rule # 9: Brag About Your Psychic Powers. Any self-respecting Witch will tell you that after their initiation to Witchcraft, their psychic powers awakened and their tarot cards (which they always carry with them) are now much easier to read (they now get something right once in a while). They will also tell you that they can now sense energy fields (in other words, they don't bump into things as often as they used to). Follow this example and brag about the rapid development of your psychic abilities since your initiation. If asked about your initiation ceremony, simply state that you were sworn to secrecy about it, then quickly change the subject by mentioning your newly awakened ability to detect Ley-lines, but try to remember that a Ley-line is not a queue for the after-ritual orgy! Now you know how to pass yourself off as a real Witch, so place that broomstick in a conspicuous corner (one that is not clouded by too much incense smoke); pull on those black clothes; give everyone that you meet a sinister look - and your social status will improve overnight. If you do all of this successfully, you may even find yourself with enough adoring acolytes so that you can start your own coven! Good luck and Blessed Be!

Stephen Pugh

[ghoultyrant]

FoZ Notes 7

Aaand we’re back.

--------------------

Louise says a bunch of stuff about glorious honorable deaths. Saito thinks she doesn't mean it. She claims that no, she doesn't really mean it, but "it has to be this way" because they're at war and anyway she's more bothered by Saito being depressed. So she's still more comfortable with death than a lot of people. The narrator goes on to confirm that okay yes she feels bad for the dead but not THAT bad because yes they did at least die with honor.

"Hugging a familiar isn't done due to status difference". Horseshit.

Oh wait those guys aren't dead. Pretty blatant that Cromwell revived them. Magic checks are done just in case Albion is laying a trap, but apparently Void Andvari zombies don't register to such checks? [Future note: We never ever get a proper explanation of what happened here. I think the intent is that Tiffania found them, nursed them back to health somehow, and then neuralized them, which makes no sense as Tiffania could not possibly have addressed the injuries these jackasses suffered, but FoZ is not exactly the height of consistency or logic so I suspect this nonsensical explanation really is the intent]

Oh my god the zombies think Saito is strange for mourning them I love these guys.

Aaaaand now we're contradicting the idea that dragon riders are people with dragon familiars. And asserting that they're all Wind affinity and flying familiars are normal for that.

Introduced to Julio Cesar, a Romalian priest with eyes of two colors who makes moves on Louise. Unprecedentedly good dragon rider, supposedly no magic. [Future note: My vibe from the word go was “way too Mary Sue”. Initially I thought he would be a temporary character and thus was tolerant of his presence. Nope. And he gets far, far worse]

Tristain intends to give Germania some of Albion's territory once they win, and intends to find someone of royal blood to reinstate the Albionese monarchy. The former seems... impractical. [Future note: Once this war is over, Albion’s situation drops off the face of the planet. The fact that Albion ought to resent being split down the middle like this, the tendency for real countries to resent leadership installed by outsiders, and all the other problems with this situation? Irrelevant! Ugh]

Romalia is helping against Albion because Reconquistador's agenda basically threatens the legitimacy of the Pope's authority.

The illusion spell can be used for scouting utility. [Reader note: In the sense that Louise can reconstruct what she remembers looking at to provide a high level of detailed information to people more quickly than words would provide]

Albion is defending at least Saxe-Gothe with orcs, trolls, "demi-humans". One line in Baka-Tsuki's translation calls orcs demons, so possibly the demons to the east are just monsters. [Future note: No]

Cromwell is perfectly happy to take food from Saxe-Gotha's citizens to deny the invaders food, on the expectation they will end up feeding the citizens instead. He intends to blame the non-human forces, is fine with losing the city to revolt, and also intends to poison the water supply with Void magic somehow.

Cromwell can mass-revive the dead with his ring. He stole the ring from the Water Spirits with the help of Sheffield and Gallian "mage knights". Also, Cromwell has no magic himself. [See?]

We get introduced to Wind Stones properly, at last. [Reader note: We heard about them in regard to airships before, but “they exist” and “they are relevant to flight” was the extent of our information] The Ring of Andvari is a Water magic artifact, not a Void magic one. Something about concentrated magic like this being Void's enemy. [Future note: Wait, what? Ugh, another thing that never gets properly explained or brought up again] Ominous foreshadowing that the Ring of Andvari does more than just raise the dead. Also, it's used up a little bit with each casting.

Still not clear what non-Wind dragons have over Wind Dragons. I thought it was fire breath, but nope. [Reader note: That is, Wind Dragons can breathe fire, too]

Implication that Gandalfr power comes from feelings aimed at the master.

"Medal of White Hair Soul". What the fuck? [Reader note: A medal being awarded to people for valor in combat et al. I really hope Baka-Tsuki is badly botching the translation here]

Louise being jealous of Guiche because he's getting praised for his accomplishments by family.

Detailed images of Brimir are considered disrespectful... oh, and nobody really knows what he looked like anyway.

Founder's Festival AKA Not Christmas, in which even war gets put on hold. It's a new year festival. 10 days long. [Future note: We never hear about this ever again, even though it’s a major event and the story goes on for years]

No wine in Albion. Just beer and tea. Where do they get the tea from?...

Siesta is related to Scarron. Goddammit. Jessica -Scarron's daughter- is also of Japanese descent, apparently from her mother. (So a daughter of Siesta's grandfather)Straight black hair is rare in Halkeginia.

Claim from Louise, backed by the narrator, that Henrietta's goal is revenge for Wales' death.

Louise being about Honor And Duty again. Don't insult honor around her. "No honor->not a noble->not me" Says she would gladly die for her country if it was called for.

The rings are clear for Wind, blue for Water, brown for Earth. Supposedly made from Brimir's blood. All called rubies. Gallia has Earth. Supposedly Romalia had Fire, but they lost it, purportedly because of Tristain. [Future note: We eventually discover Colbert has the Fire one. We also eventually discover that Romalia has another one because, yes, there’s actually 4]

Julio Cesar isn't jerkface's real name. He calls himself it after a great Romalian leader, Totally Not Julius Caesar. [Future note: The author seems to forget this, as we never find out what his real name is or anything] Julio is an orphan.

Gallia has the highest population in Halkeginia. Capitol is named Lutece. Palace is called Versailles. Has a big garden. Royal family's blue hair is super-unusual, making everyone at the Academy a Moron. [Reader note: Well, actually, it makes the author a moron, but in-universe you have to assume the Academy students are all idiots, as they genuinely had no idea, even while guessing she must be a bastard because she wouldn’t talk about her history!] Current Gallian king is shit at magic, named Joseph. [Future note: This is a semi-decent foreshadowing that he’s a Void user] Chess lover. Lover of miniatures in general. Is either out of touch with reality or pretending very effectively. [Future note: This out-of-touch aspect of his character goes away fairly soon, replaced by Some Men Just Want To See The World Burn. No, it’s not character development, nor is he throwing off pretensions of craziness. He just changes for no reason]

ANOTHER goddamn Ring of Andvari in the mountains of Saxe-Gotha. [Reader note: No explanation of how Sheffield knew it was there. No, we never get one. No, it doesn’t make sense in context of later information. This is literally the plot happening because fuck you the author said so] And hints Sheffield is a Void user. [Future note: Close, past me! She’s a familiar to a Void user] She does some kind of mass mind control by melting this Ring into the water supply. [Future note: This is never properly explained, on any level]

An idiot covering his retreat by sacrificing Louise. Ugh. The retreat is caused by the bullshit mass mind control.

Julio knows Saito is Gandalfr somehow. [Future note: This actually does make sense, kind of, eventually]

Gandalfr is a load of anime horseshit. [Reader note: In the ‘I swing so fast nobody saw the sword move’ and ‘I can jump superhigh and run superfast and so on’ school of anime horseshit. Saito is operating well beyond plausible peak human potential]

Derflinger has some vague upper limit on his ability to absorb magic. With absorbed magical power he can take control of his master because shut up. [Future note: Say it with me, children. This never crops up again]

Haha Gallia fucks over Albion instead, unceremoniously killing Cromwell.

Infodump:

"The left hand of God is Gandálfr, the ferocious shield of the lord. His left hand wields a large sword and his right hand wields a long spear, protecting me with endless vigilance. The right hand of God is Vindalfr, the kind-hearted flute of the lord. He dominates all beasts of life, leading me through earth, sky, and water. The mind of God is Myoznitnirn, the book that carries the crystallization of thought. It carries all knowledge and provides advice whenever I am in need. There is one more person, but remembering its name gives me trouble… Taking the four disciples, I came to this land"

[Reader note: The above is something Tiffania sings. It’s foreshadowing, I guess. I quoted it mostly because it gives of three out of four familiar personal names. And now that I think about it -writing this having completed volume 18- the story still hasn’t gotten to that fourth one]

Tiffania is introduced. Some kind of half-elf who takes care of orphans and Deus Ex Machinas Saito because shut up. [Reader note: Again, she has no extranormal capacity for medical care. Saito is good as new in fairly short order in the following volume, having gotten pretty badly injured here. The author just employs The Power Of Ambiguity And Off-Screen Happenings to let you think this makes sense even though it most certainly does not]

End volume 7.

---------- 

In which the author seems to grow bored of this Albion plotline and summarily end it. Oh and Saito ends up separated from Louise, with her led to believe he’s dead.

[Future note: This is not the first time Saito and Louise end up separated. It keeps happening, artificially and nonsensically, and is very much repeating a plot of having Saito and/or Louise conclude that, for some reason, they should be separated, and then concluding that no! They will be together Forever because Love! You know, until the next time the author wants to have relationship drama between the two of them, because quite clearly he has no idea how actual relationships actually work

I’m not exaggerating for comedic effect here. The author does not understand human relationships. This would be a niggling annoyance if the story remained focused on its ‘epic’ plotline, but increasingly Saito and Louise’s relationship is made central to the plot, among other relationships increasingly brought to the fore, so this utter failure is something you can’t just ignore while you enjoy the meat of the story. It’s already been causing problems, and it’s going to get truly awful from hereon]