#the woman on the internet who writes sexy stories said so
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zan0tix · 1 month ago
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May I just say I really really appreciate your approach to and respect for the transfemininity embedded in Homestuck. Like the fact that you depict Jake as a kind of "genderfuck" (for lack of a better word) character without trying to divorce that from transfemininity as so many others do, as well as being able to depict Roxy with certain clocky characteristics without disregarding her femininity or making it feel fetish-y, is all really admirable in my eyes. It gets extremely frustrating seeing large swathes of the fandom constantly trying to separate the story of Homestuck from transfemininity despite it having a transfem enby author, so I really appreciate that you don't shy away from it in your art :)
I am so glad!!!!! Its something ive Always noticed in like every fandom since i first got onto the internet the disparity between the amount of transfems i knew vs how often their story got to be uplifted in fandom spaces or get to be celebrated how transmascs did considering how queer dominated they are but then i grew up and realised how badly male centric queer spaces are too😭
Homestuck is one of the spaces that has a big amount of transfems openly engaging in fandom activities and that makes me really happy to see! since i often see gross rhetoric from transmascs or cis women about fandom spaces abt “who is allowed” and “fandom being a safe space” cough blatant transmisogyny (sobs everywhere its so bad)
I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW PPL BRUSH PAST HUSSIE BEING TRANS SO OFTEN ISNT THAT INSANE. To me it reframes homestuck how the creators of the matrix being trans does. Like I dunno maybe that informed the works presentation of gender somehow. Maybe all the commentary and critique and displays of frustration at the contradictory nature of gender but especially trying to fit “being a man” in society came from somewhere when they were writing it 🤔🤔🤔 hussie said it herself that alot of homestuck was just stream of consciousness. Everything that comes out of daves mouth near the end seemed very plausible to be a reflection of hussies own journey realising that Actually these boundaries of what defines A Good Man and A Good Woman are ridiculous and no person can possibly live up to that no matter what were told from birth.
But i try my best to reflect the innate transfemininity of homestuck and the majority of its cast, its something integral to the works themes and just the community who built it! It saddens me how skittish other transmascs are about engaging with or portraying the transfeminine stories when its just. Practically textual. And all you need to do is Listen and empathise. I love learning how other feminine people see themselves in this story like how often do you get such a menagerie of in depth fem characters. And i love seeing what the experiences transfems see echoed in homestuck are because its all such insightful stuff About femininity and its beauty and its ills all at once. Roxy..kanaya.. wipes tear from my eye.
I want to actively include and celebrate transfem features and bodies as much as transmasc ones get to be around here and i am glad my jake and roxy do feel that way 🥹🥹 my aim with my designs is to make them feel like some everyday people youd see, no fetishisation/sexualisation or demonisation, just Existing and appreciating. Because i know how much it can mean to see yourself in something and for that to be treated with care and kindness. Its why i create in the first place! Because of how others creations gave me that comfort when i couldnt find it elsewhere
I feel similarly about how people portray fat women or just like. Women in general. its sad how badly the whole sexualisation = acceptance warps how people portray things fatness or transfem features. Never ever saying these things arent hot or sexy or to be appreciated. Duh. I think how i portray jake says enough abt what i think of that LOL just that It feels like its the only way people try and show theyre accepting? Which just feels so gross and dehumanising the only way they think to display they feel empathy is through saying “Yeah i can get off to people like you”😭
Rlly bad in society in general so also in the homestuck space. Worlds hardest challenge is liking the alpha kids. Im so sorry for what they do to you jane and roxy🥲🥲🥲 Its baffling because Homestuck is Prime Example Numero Uno of how to humanise characters. Just display them being people; their thoughts, their feelings, their insecurities, their passions, their woes, their loves, their losses. So much can be communicated through how a character speaks with their friends.
I wana do that for jake and roxy! They get to be dimensional too! I like showing their laughs and their sorrows, just them Existing with the people around them. They get to be a part of the lighthearted comedy just as the rest of them do. They get to be a part of all the gender and sexuality insanity going on in their friend group, can point out their flaws and mistakes and insecurities. I dunno its rlly not that hard to just empathise with them and want to tell their stories.
I am so invested in the raw unabashed Humanity of homestuck. Its just one person pouring their brain contents into this huge thing and it displays the best and the worst and the absurdity and the questions. Its so interesting and hussies transness IS JUST BAKED INTO IT. Thus the characters contain that too and it kinda stinks of transmisogyny to throw that out!
YAPPING TOO MUCH OMG but i rlly appreciate this ask🫶🫶🫶makes me so happy to hear
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blackcat419 · 3 months ago
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I want to make it clear that there is a line between criticizing the writing team of HotD and specifically Sarah Hess and being sexist towards her.
Sarah Hess saying she’s surprised the internet is in love with Daemon and she doesn’t view him as a good guy? That’s what the book and show are telling us about him. Daemon is not a good guy, he’s interesting and sexy but a good hearted man he is not.
The show not including Daemon’s relationship with Laena and his daughters? Valid criticism! Laena is one of the few people Daemon doesn’t have a power struggle with or who his relationship isn’t based on a shared interest for power (the other being nettles). Not showing Daemon with Laena and their girls before Laena’s death is a bad move story wise and it’s also bad for Laena’s character as it reduces her to a dead mom. This is made even worse in the show as now the women of color are being sidelined.
Sarah Hess worked on other shows that were bad? Bad criticism, judge her by her work on HotD. That being said, past works can be used to show her writing style and where she has historically failed to deliver a good story.
Sarah Hess suggesting Rhaenys breaks through the floor of the dragon pit? Valid criticism. This is spectacle over substance and doesn’t make sense in story.
Sarah Hess saying Rhaenys is channeling Hilary Clinton? Weird comment that can be mocked for being kind of dumb.
Sarah Hess making Alicent’s entire story revolve around Rhaenyra? Valid criticism as it robs Alicent of her own agency .
Sarah Hess saying it’s Maester propaganda that Rhaenyra is recorded as fat? Misinterpreting what she said where we shouldn’t assign value to the appearance of characters and the book doing so is because it’s through a male lens. The casting director and team is responsible for both casting and plus sized actress.
Let’s make sure our fandom doesn’t become like Star Wars where blame is placed on any woman being too prominent.
And don’t leave Ryan out, he deserves just as much if not more criticism.
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gildeddlily · 1 year ago
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side characters ONly can be gay!!11!1! yep
I could write an essay about the way Marvel is just the reflection of how mass media deals with the queer representation "problem" nowadays
(I should study for my exam but fuck it I have time)
first of all, how many queer characters actually are part of mcu's big ass cast?
Searching on the internet they'll tell you about twenty- but it's enough to read who is queer to understand that they only care about seeming all woke and you know, kind and allies and all that good shit, but the truth is that if you're queer you'll get no more than five minutes of screen time
Loki is a bisexual genderfluid god, it's canon in the comics and in the shows/film, but does he actually acts on it? like, does he ever talk about the men he had a thing with? does he talk about his gender identity? no. and you know what, I don't want a long speech about feeling accepted and finding your place in the world and understanding yourself, I'd be ok with him being like "yk what, i feel like cunt today" and poof tom hiddleston is no more man.
we have a two second shot were he's labeled as genderfluid. that's it. he has a love story arc with his female alternative version.
like saying the bar can't get lower- all the time there's a man at his side, and they're so queer coded guys. they are so fucking queer coded. they'd have all the potential to be a good couple, and they prob could since Loki is canonically attracted to males too! but no.
let's choose the female you over the dilf grabbing your waist and telling you that you're more, that you matter and have a chance to be good.
can Loki count as representation? maybe.
it's shitty representation, tho.
then there's America.
America's a lesbian, daughter of two lesbian women, and they were proud of it probably- if it weren't for the fact that America's there, she live the adventure, and she has a lgbtqia pin. a pin. all her identity is expressed in a pin.
one could say, but the film is not ab America and her non-male partner, is about the story yk?
then why does every fucking marvel film features a man and a woman being in a relationship?
i guess that when it's about man Tony Stark and woman Pepper Potts everything's ok, you can give all the minutes you want to their sweet relationship- but if they're queer I'm sorry, the best thing you'll have is a pin.
then a few gays out there.
random man in endgame missing his bf. random girl in hawkeye mentioning her wife (slay). that one sexy dora milaje who has a sexier gf. slay you too ig. that Eternals guy who kissed his bf on screen (first time ever, and they feel revolutionary. fucking 2021).
the only thing that can be saved is Thor 3/4 because of Taika Waititi. the queerness is something Taika did because he wanted to.
Ragnarok's about this dude, his bi brother, this guy who flirts with both of them and has orgies with all kind of beings, a lesbian valkyrie and a gay rock. Love and Thunder is about this guy, his bamf ill girlfriend, a lesbian valkyrie who's trying to find some girl to eat out, a gay rock that ends up having strange sex with his bf, and greek people fainting after seeing said guy's naked body. (and that weird moment between Thor and Peter? that was made to be gay guys)
while it's not perfect, it's one step above everything else.
Taika Waititi's film's queerness is not there for looking more inclusive, it's there because gay people are there, we actually exist dude, and they deserve their space, and they should have it.
and like Taika Waititi's said, the world will be healed when people will stop saying "oh you know that new marvel series? yes, there's a gay gal in there", when people will treat queer people like the people they actually are.
it's like walking around in a forest and being like "oh look, a tree!". we aren't a different species ffs
representation is good, and of course gay characters sometimes are gonna be just there on the side cheering on the main character- because that's how life goes. I'm the cheering-from-the-side girl queer friend to my straight friend, and mcu stories are told by straight people, so it's kinda natural that we're kinda useless.
the thing that really, really makes me want to cry our is how they're able to destroy any queer "lead" they put here for us, for me, and I'm starting to believe behind those scripts there are some seriously repressed gay dude who can only express themselves by writing those things.
like Steve and Bucky? the classic we're best friends and we totally didn't have sex?
or Bucky and Sam?
why was the chair scene necessary? If i see something like that happening to a woman and a man my first thought is "they're a thing", and it was the first thing I thought with Sam and Bucky too- but ofc people will tell us "y are you making everyone gay?" it's not my fault princess it's the writers'
or, again, Loki and Mobius?
"you can be good, just in case no one ever told you" WHAT THE HELL DUDE
and you know, those things can be said between two friends too, but people gets disperate. I get disperate, after watching hours upon hours of two guys eye-fucking each other and ending up being all "yeah bro i love you this is my girlfriend amy". so I wrote, I draw, I think about them being "hey dude, d'you want to be the amy to my myself?" because the alternity is writing a fic about a random man who says he misses his husband on a three second scene.
(in a fandom like good omens I don't have to worry about it. I have my queer besties, my fav lesbian couple, and a lot of representation.)
so.
mcu's representation is bad representation.
every time they write a queer characters they're all "you see that? we did that!" like they did something special- but they didn't.
they write gays for the straight, in order to feel better about themselves and make straight racist sexist homophobic ppl (the "I'm inclusive guys!!!" kind of person) watching it feel better ab themselves.
(I'm not gonna start talking about the fact that this entire post talks more than anything else about the way the mcu treats women, bc it's a rabbit hole I'm not ready to talk ab cause I've been jumping in it for too many years.)
(sorry anon ily)
10/20 edit: valkyrie is bi my bad🧎‍♀️
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tayfabe75 · 7 months ago
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It is clear that most of the songs were written before May 2023, but I am sure that after too. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived was obviously written after, so what's your take on it? This is the angriest she's ever been. Where does this lead us?
Anon, I'll preface this by admitting that I don't think any songs on TTPD are reflective of the past year (though, they have been cleverly disguised to appear as though they're about current events) - I personally believe they are songs about things from Taylor and Matty's past that she dared not share until now for a couple reasons: 1) They wanted to keep their relationship secret 2) She wouldn't dare "out" Matty for his drug use (it was not yet hers to share)
Meaning, I don't believe Taylor would make such direct references to drug use without Matty's blessing.
Now, I get that almost the entire internet would disagree with me on this, I'm well aware that fans are out there right now giving their "diagnoses" about how "unhinged" and "manic" Taylor is on this album…
I vehemently disagree.
I've been studying the woman the past year and I'm continually impressed by her character. Sure, she's aware she's on camera and knows how to turn on the charm. But too much consistent wisdom comes out of her mouth in a way that never falters and isn't easily fabricated or replicated. Also, I don't think that a lot of the public perception of her matches up with how she actually comports herself. For instance, I often hear that she's a "petty queen" for writing about her exes, yet she rarely ever confirms any of them as muses, herself - yet somehow, the fans run wild with speculation and parrot it back like it's written in stone when the actual foundation of some of these myths consists of one or two paparazzi photos. It has been one of the most fascinating aspects of studying this "story".
Of course, I do my fair share of speculating, too… however, I mostly do this based on their discographies or statements made in interviews, things they've actually said or written, etc, rather than fan lore.
Let me just lastly say that the collective take from the "tayfabe" crowd is that TSMWEL is about Kanye, Scott Borchetta, or Scooter.
But… as the resident clown of the group, the one thing I can offer you is maybe a different perspective, which is what you must want if you came here at all, right??
TSMWEL, in my opinion, has romantic undertones ("our bed", "it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden", "you'll slide into inboxes") that I doubt she would use for someone like Scott Borchetta. Aside from references to substance use, there's being "gone by the morning", themes we see in songs like 'Cardigan' and 'Question…?' and even in the music video for 'Me' by The 1975, and a reference to a car crash, something else that pops up thematically on The 1975's debut album - most of which seemed to also be reflective of an earlier time (and, lines like "slide into inboxes" and "hung me on your wall, stabbed me with your push pins" seem only to bolster my suspicion that this song likely predates even 2014...)
"Where does this lead us?"
I guess that depends on your perception! Do you believe a person is able to repair or maintain a meaningful relationship with someone who once wronged them? Can someone write a heartfelt song about a betrayal that they've forgiven and moved past? Or must it always be perceived as "petty"? Can a song like this be purely reflective, or must it be fresh, scathing, or indicative of current feelings? We can safely extrapolate Matty didn't leave Taylor because he didn't care - he seems to have genuinely thought she was better off without him. If someone did that to you, would you maybe understand how anxiety lies to people and... ultimately forgive them? (As someone with a similar "cyclonic" anxiety... I'm genuinely curious!)
I personally believe that TTPD, like all of Taylor's albums, tells a story. Taylor does not sugar-coat things, and neither does Matty. And they're so beloved because they are willing to share their most vulnerable thoughts and feelings, right? If, indeed, TSMWEL is about our boy, well, I'm sure Matty also understands that "the good and bad end up in the song".
Now, read this quote again, but without all that pesky catastrophizing everyone seems to love doing:
"This period of the author's life is now over."
If, truly, this is a reflective album about the past (say, 2014), then maybe it means she wanted to document this period as part of her self-mythologizing confessional songwriting repertoire, but no longer dwells in the pain of it. It's probably just me, but as a fellow woman in her thirties, I just don't buy Taylor processing trauma this way! So publicly, I mean. She learned her lesson in 2016. And this album seems to be more about teaching lessons, herself, now…
But truly, your guess is as good as mine, anon. Thanks for the ask!
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tendril-perversion · 3 months ago
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okay I'm realizing i never talked about this on here (I only imagined writing this post) but I need some people who enjoy kink and/or erotica to help me understand my experience I'm having with this book
I have been reading this anthology of Kinky erotica stories.
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in it, there are 15 different short erotic stories centered around a few different types and aspects of BDSM/Kink.
Here are some of the descriptions and reviews from the library app's description
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you can see it comes highly praised! As a kinky individual who loves erotica, I was super excited to get my hold on this book!
But then I started reading it. As of writing this post, I am 13/15 stories through it. Just 2 left. And I would say of those 13 I've read, 1 MAYBE 2 portrayed a safe/healthy depiction of kink and/or loving relationship between the participants.
*takes off glasses and pinches the bridge of my nose* look, I'm not saying anything about what kink has to be, or condemning this book. I don't think it's problematic or anything like it's just a book of stories of people having unconventional sex. But even as someone who is kinky and aromantic, I felt myself finishing each story with a grimace and gooey heavy feeling in my stomach.
Among the stories there's one where a man and his wife seek out a dominatrix because his wife wants to be dominated and he isn't experienced or comfortable doing that. He is turned on by watching his wife with another woman, but is ultimately guilty and remorseful at hurting her (even though she is consenting enthusiastically). we see the story through his eyes, so the whole time it's just horrible sadness about how he can't look at his wife the same way and how upsetting he finds participating in this kink to be. like yeah that's a really compelling story! but in a book that I thought was supposed to be sexy, it's absolutely not.
Another story features a sub who finds a Dom on the Internet but ends up being raped by the Dom and fleeing his apartment. nothing if this story is sexy or feels good to read. it's just horrifying and sad.
in another story, a woman crossdresses in her husband's clothes and binder, which manages to get them to have a moment of horny sex before they go back to their loveless marriage and dead bedroom wrapped in melancholy.
in one of the sorta okay feeling stories, a man hires a trans escort to let him give her oral sex, but even then that ends with the sad lonely feeling of having the sex worker's time be up and the man being a little infatuated and not wanting her to go. (I think the implication is his egg might be cracking but it's not explicitly said).
like, I think it's extremely weird that all the kinky people I know IRL are generally in healthy, loving relationships and kink isn't like, some last ditch effort to save their marriages or something they do as a form of distinct self harm or anything like what happens in these stories. and I feel like it's so jarring and maybe dishonest to have the through line of this anthology not be kink because it's hot to get flogged or ordered around but kink as a form of Therapy But It Makes You Worse
I don't know, am I insane for expecting an anthology of kink erotica to contain like, idk gentle femdom or a cute bratty sub or a happy couple exploring butt stuff together or someone going to a bdsm club and getting the Usual or something I don't know! I've read plenty of Kinky erotica in the form of fanfic and even the ones that are kinda hate sex or contain risk aware kink are like. not making me want to go drink myself to sleep. usually the kinky erotica I read makes me jack off lmao. but these short stories have all be such awful boner killers. I can't be horny when you're talking about how much you hate your wife because she wants to be tied up or something
and another big part of my confusion comes from the jacket reviews and praise for the book. "beautiful" stories of "love and desire and bdsm" does not paint the picture of unexpected sexual assault trauma on the page. if this was reviewed and presented as like, a literary look at the less than glamorous appearances behind closed doors or something, that would have been fine! all the stories (mostly) are really well written and evocative but like 0 of them are actually erotic? at least unless you really get off on people's misery.
last little side note but there's so much spit in some of these stories. I know that's like the absolute least of my worries but man I'm not a spit person at all and it's so icky. don't spit on me. I won't spit on you. honestly I think most body fluids should be kept to yourself but again. that's a me problem.
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rappaccini · 2 years ago
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scream 6 thought dump:
so... mixed to negative feelings on it.
spoilers below.
good slasher, with great chases and kills, but not a good scream movie, because it doesn't have the balls to kill off any of their now-bloated list of legacies (sidney, gale, kirby, tara, sam, mindy, chad... come on. take out sam and one of the twins at the Minimum.) and it has nothing to say about the state of horror.
the requel sequel speech was flat as hell and reachy. off the top of my head: 'requels that recast the usually white straight male legacies with women, poc and queer chars', and then incite rage from bigoted corners of the fandom; true crime fetishization of real murderers by hybristophiles who keep harassing the actual victims; elevated horror trying to force campy fun lowbrow franchises to ~level up and be about Social Issues~. any of these could have worked. instead we got ~subvert expectations~
which the movie doesn't even do. surprise surprise, there are multiple killers who are people we already know in disguise working together, violence getting amped up with every installments is the standard, and all the main characters live. ~i'M dIfFeReNt~' these ghostfaces keep saying but they aren't.
i like that there are finally three killers, but they just regurgitate scream 2's motive of 'getting revenge for family member who was a killer in the prev movie.'
you wanna subvert expectations?
-kill the designated final girl, sam, right away. i'm glad they actually tried to give her character better material, and that they're acknowledging her negative reception with the meta 'internet hates me' moments.... but kill her off. please.
-have the characters immediately anticipate there being several killers.
-have the killer survive the film, and be arrested at the end.
-take the good ideas from the opening: revealing a killer's identity immediately, and there being competing ghostfaces, and go with it: we know one killer's identity from the jump and the suspense lies in waiting for the others to catch on,
-and having two unrelated killers try to make competing 'movies' with different motivations and profiles.
anyway. we got. that.
also: it's dumb as hell that sam didn't recognize her own boyfriend's family, or that gale, who has regressed to her scream 2 characterization and wrote a book about the requel killings, doesn't recognize the family of the killer she profiled. all the more reason to Not Do That.
also: kill kirby OR mindy. we only need one movie nerd and too many people are surviving.
and i know i've said this already i think it's very sexy of scream 4 to predict both influencer culture, the final-girl-as-killer trend, and that the scream franchise would eventually swap out sidney with a younger woman who's edgier than her. big sigh.
and that the writer-directors absolutely are the fanservice-obsessed hacks that they're trying to satirize. they can't write scream movies bc they can't critique the tendency of requels to suck off the originals while failing to do anything truly new... because they're too busy sucking off the original.
at this point sidney's exit being that she's married to kincaid with 2-3 daughters isn't even reassuring. who wants to bet money that in 5-10 years, when those daughters are teenagers, scream 16-or-whateverthefuck will have sidney being murdered in front of her girls to make them the new trio. which will retroactively make sidney's whole story about how her mom was raped and killed when she was sixteen, she was hunted by people who would never let her forget it, and she literally never escaped it and the trauma repeated itself on her own children.
because i'm me, of course i'll be throwing a revision bulletpoint essay down here. being that i am Nobody On The Internet, of course this isn't gonna be great, but hey, you're reading this.
first, i'm gonna chalk 2-4 up as a done deal. in a perfect world hallie mcdaniel would be the third killer in scream 2 as originally planned, and that dumb 'gays can't die' rule wouldn't be around in scream 4, which ideally would've come out around now instead of in 2011 so jill's influencer monologue would make more sense and kirby would be the final girl of this new trio with sidney as a mentor figure, but we'll go with what we have.
and because so many of the problems started with scream 5.... well,
5:
first of all: spoofing requels is the right move, ergo two killers, obsession with ~the original trio/town/characters~, and absolutely dead-on with the motive being toxic fans trying to create real source material for their movies to draw from.
i love the opening girl lives subversion. if anything tara should've been the final girl of these movies, because 1) the whole conceit of sam being the convenient secret daughter of billy loomis who happens to have magical deepfake deaged hallucinations of him urging her to be a serial killer is so fucking dumb, and derivative of scream 3's secret family twist, 2) i Hate that at this point the movies are more about billy loomis than sidney prescott, and 3) jenna ortega acts circles around melissa barrera, who does nothing to elevate the bad role she already has.
plus the killers' plan to frame sam/all the original red herrings about her being the killer.... nah. we already HAD a final-girl-is-the-killer twist in scream 4. sam is not jill roberts.
anyway sam is just the older sister of tara in this version. no secret parentage. maybe she has a troubled history, or mental illness, but she isn't ~billy's secret daughter~. maybe she's tara's guardian, maybe she's still estranged.
the requel rules are solid. but they need one addition: "there are going to be two killers." because Come On. that's the biggest takeaway of the killer profile of the original.
it seems like in an earlier draft the characters all being related to the first kills was a bigger factor, what with liv being a mackenzie and vince being a macher. personally i think that needed to stay. the new crew have no chemistry as a friend group. if they're acquaintances who aren't that close them hurling accusations of murder at each other actually makes sense.
as for how they all get together: let dewey do it. he's the only og still in woodsboro, he was a cop, he should be able to put it together. give him a bit of development from dope cop to the guy who figures it out.
as such: let's make the kills related to the original.
tara's still targeted, because she lives in casey beckers' boyfriends' family's house, and her big sister is the Designated Final Girl.
let's have liv, the mckenzie/casey stand-in, get stalked, but survive, while creepy ex vince, stu's nephew, get killed. and before vince dies, build him up as the black sheep sam originally was: the blood relative of one of the original two killers, who everyone walks on eggshells around... only for him to die unceremoniously. and to cast suspicion on liv. (this would probably be what gets dewey to gather the requel gang to explain the rules and alert gale and sidney.)
wes and judy, to trigger the For Wes Party and because the og hates anyone who isn't an Original Survivor. this would be the principal analog.
dewey. we need to clear up room for the new cast, his arc's already at a firm close, and him going out protecting tara isn't a bad way to go. especially if the killer's logic is trying to finish tara off for completion's sake, and they're trying not to touch dewey (because the Originals Are Sacred), but are forced to kill him.
i like the chad death fakeout. let's keep it. he's the new dopey but sweet guy. we'll retroactively recontextualize his attack as like, the killers expecting to kill liv as a tatum-analog, but chad walking in instead.
and kill liv at some point after the killers are revealed, but not the headshot. her being a red herring is the only good thing that was done with her character.
do something new by building sam up as the obvious final girl, and then kill her unceremoniously at the start of the third act. that gunshot to the head liv gets? give it to sam. there was never a plan for sam to be the Real Final Girl; she's just a placeholder to lure sidney back to force her to relive this again. requels always bait the audience with more diverse casts only to treat them as disposable in favor of the (white straight) original characters. the second sidney and gale came back, sam outlived her usefulness.
tara's the final girl, and her being unexpected is what makes her interesting. she's not sidney, she's not a slasher fan, she has nothing to do with the originals, (she's not white,) she spends most of the movie in a wheelchair.
richie and amber as the killers is good. i like that they're a gross couple, that richie ingratiates himself as sam's boyfriend, and that amber lives in stu's house and that's how she has access to it/became obsessed with the woodsboro murders (she's the stu connection). keep all of it.
and probably add some meaningful lines about how their plan kept going awry because as it turns out, expecting people to be the carbon copies of the characters you're forcing them to be for the sake of your requel accuracy isn't gonna work in reality. tara isn't going out like casey and neither was liv, who also wasn't tatum. mindy and chad aren't randy. sam isn't sidney. and richie and amber aren't billy and stu, as much as they want to be.
so anyway: tara, mindy and chad should've been the final trio.
also sid and gale should have burned stu’s house down.
6:
the big city location is a great idea.
so's the alternate ghostface/early reveal opening scene, with laura being murdered by jason. as said before, i think competing killers/at least one having their identity known to us right away, could have been great and we should've done it.
but let jason live. it'd be more interesting to learn one killer's identity right away, and watch him ingratiate himself with tara, mindy and chad at uni.
mixed feelings about sidney's absence. on the one hand her taking her family into hiding works, on the other i can't see her sitting out an obvious threat to them. or stomach that sidney's absence is because they wouldn't pay neve what she's worth. maybe i'll think of something later and edit it in here. for now, let's imagine she's getting her family somewhere safe and then showing up for the climax.
since sam is dead, let's just totally ignore the sam-was-framed stuff, and reposition the harassment as mindy and chad, and tara in particular, getting hate for not being the ideal victims or the survivors anyone wanted (read: not being white/straight, like the originals, and not being related at all to the originals in tara's case). take the glimpses of ghostface worship and build that out too.
give kirby more to do. and kill either her or mindy. we don't need two film nerds
(... or two meeks-martins for that matter. if mindy lives, chad should die, vice versa).
since kirby's an fbi agent, and the new characters are meant to be on one about avoiding threats, let's keep them actively hunting for ghostface... but you know, have them expect to be dealing with several killers.
keep the tense chase scenes. the ladder, subway and bodega sequences were great.
don't make gale regress as a character. if anything, given that 4 was about sidney confronting the idea that being older makes her expendable in the face of a younger woman being positioned as her replacement, and 5 was about dewey technically becoming a competent protector, 6 should've been about gale.
specifically, since gale used to be a muckraker, make the killer's motive tied in to the true crime/serial killer fetishization craze a la true crime podcasters and that dahmer netflix series.
if gale hadn't written the woodsboro murders, the stab movies would've either not been made at all, or been very different. things to think about that the franchise hasn't really touched on.
but mindy's big monologue about this movie's satire shouldn't be about that. it should be about bigoted internet outrage culture, where 'fans' of a certain demographic get viciously hateful over a reboot casting diversely.
which brings us back to the competing killers:
killer 1, jason, is one of those dudes. he's angry that the new survivors are queer/poc and wants to get rid of them to Make Room For Sidney To Return. he was literally introduced as a student stalking and killing a female film professor. feels like you coulda done something with that.
and killers 2 and 3: quinn? i guess, and another girl. we've never had two female killers before. let's do it. they're a great fit for that true crime/serial killer fetishist/hybristophile theme. they think billy, stu, richie, mickey and roman were all ~misunderstood~ and should be avenged.
furthermore i think it would be hilarious if the girl ghostfaces kill the guy immediately because they're grossed out by his motive or don't find him hot enough to excuse it, given how hybristophiles love to create excuses for often-white male mass murderers at the expense of their often-female/poc/queer victims. or them insisting billy and stu were together and that’s why they snapped, as they intentionally target mindy. take a jab at fake righteous female fandom.
and the characters are caught off guard because they don't expect more than two killers, let alone that they aren't all working together. they were so busy figuring one motive out that they didn't consider the other, or that half the time the murders didn't fit the rules they deduced.
anyway. give gale the big hero moment. something to wrap her arc up in a bow, from ambitious vicious girlboss muckraker reporter who can't wait to profit off the deaths of a bunch of teens to someone who intimately cares about the victims of these crimes and understands and takes responsibility for how her irresponsible reporting made this situation worse. fwiw i do think sidney needs to be present for this culmination, being the only person to see this transformation from start to close.
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aboostofseratonin · 9 months ago
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She Hulk made me love my body, and that’s crazy because I hate muscles on women
Today, I walked downstairs, opened the door to the living room and stared at my clothed body, Pulling up my top to bare my midriff, as I always do. I turned left, i turned right, taking in every curve, and smiled. I looked at my body and I thought, she’s sexy. And its all because of She-Hulk.
When she went through her transformation, I was happy. Staring at her through the 6. Something inch of my phone screen, I saw a woman with fabulous hair, tall as fuck and a body I could die for. As in when I was younger I literally would have died for (ehh various stints through the pro-ana and pro-purging sides of twitter and tumblr get you thinking its worth dying to be skinny.) But I was surprised I like it - her body. She looked strong. This is hard for me to write. I don’t like to talk negatively about other people’s bodies or determine whether someone’s physique should be down to how attractive I find it, because love your body. You love your body.
But on tiktok when I saw muscle mami’s I cringed a little inside. I hate to admit. I promote everyone looking how they love, but for me, i didn’t like to see it. Maybe its due to societal conditioning brainwashing me to believe women should look a certain way and if they don’t they won’t be attractive to anyone, the years of how to be feminine content i binged on Youtube, maybe its the years of watching victoria secret models online and thinking this is the epitome of female beauty. And seeing stars like Zendaya and believing that in order to be a star, I need need neeeeeed to look like her. Perhaps its hearing tiktok stories of women who get muscular now being rejected by their dream guys or the comment section of female lifters just being absolutely - (a place that shouldn’t exist in the internet of real life.) Or perhaps its my father when I started gyming, told him to feel my thigh muscles and he said don’t get muscley.
Maybe its everything combined.
Should it matter where it came from? SHould I try to change these inputs into young women’s life so they can be and do anything without anything changing their perspective? Maybe female’s bodies shouldn’t be looked at as what is desirable? - maybe my mum shouldn’t teach me that in order to be a wife, I have to behave a certain way. Maybe there are too many teaching to young girls about what they need to be in orde rto be a gril, be a woman, to the extent that we cover their fires, and try to mold them into pre-made molds of what is a woman. I recently saw a tiktok of a woman saying women are not the naturally submissive creatures we are taught they are. And it made me laugh. WHen I think of my ideal man, he listens to me. Anything I want, however I want it, he does it with a laugh. Think about princess treatment - that is it. So women, as a sign they have a good husband has someone who listens to them. - does whatever they say.
How can they know what they want, if their wants and needs are modelled by someone else, and they never explore themselves because they are taught that is what is feminine, and femininity is all that matters.
This sentence scares me, because I’m not sure if I believe it. Femininity to me used to be this thing that I needed to reach. In order to feel like a girl, to be who I wanted in life, for a boy to touch me, i needed to reach femininity. This outward appearance of what I’m told a girl should look like
I feel deserving. But I don’t want to teach anybody else that. If i was to shut off outside influences, I would dress how i feel.
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cicaklah · 3 years ago
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today my aunt, who I have met once in my entire life, emailed me rescinding her and my uncle's offer of help with funeral costs for my father, because "they didn't want their last memory of him to be paying for his coffin in spain", implying alongside this that my family are trying to defraud them, and that I should "respect their decisions they are making for their family" and that they believed that I am "a strong person" who will be able to "cope with disappointment."
(my uncle, a convicted con man, who owe my father thousands, who convinced him to make a shitty investment that meant my parents lost their life savings, who defrauded his own daughter for thousands, who was tried for fraud and got away with it. couldn't even email me himself to spin lies about us, instead got his wife to do it, like the coward he is.)
She did this right before I went into a meeting with a lawyer, which I did with two shoddy translators, my brain damaged, grief stricken, extremely disabled mother, who kept getting distracted and talking about other things, and the brother of the lawyer, who admitted he hadn't spoken English for three years.
we managed. but I think it knocked years off my life.
i cried in the street afterwards, and didnt stop crying for about two hours. I still dont understand how my father could do this to me.
My phd fees were due on sunday, but now I have to pay all the funeral costs, and so will likely get deregistered. Its a boon really, since i want to give up on my phd anyway. but this wasn't the choice I wanted to make.
tomorrow I have to call every lawyer in my old home town searching for the law firm that holds my father's british will. We will receive the death certificates, and find out whether he had a spanish will, because that is centralised. we will work out what to do with each of them. We will carry on.
and on thursday I will fly home and see what damage my cat has done to my flat.
unlike most people on tumblr I'm not writing this being all send me money; I have money. I write this to document it but also to encourage anyone to read it to get their parents to get their affairs in order, no matter how old or young they are. Get wills. Write down all bank accounts, pension funds, insurance details, car registrations and loose floorboard locations on one piece of paper and put it in a folder, and give that folder and their will to a lawyer, and give you that lawyer's number. Get them to give that lawyer some money, so its all taken care of. or whatever best practice is in your juristiction. I told my father to do this, and he told me not to worry my pretty little head; he was going to outlive us all.
and then he had a massive heart attack and died not even a year later.
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getting-quicker · 2 years ago
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First Post
Been a long time tumblr. I was here once before but now I'm back seeing as this looks like THE place for a certain kink that's been taking over my life lately. This isn't a fetish or fantasy I've had for a long time but recently I've decided to take the deep dive into the no-going-back abyss and become a premature ejaculator.
I've got my reasons. Sad and pathetic as they are. I'll even open up on a confession. That being I'm a virgin. A 27 y/o loser who never made it with a lady, who never self-actualized and satisficed his pubescent desires beyond his own hand. And frankly? I don't want to anymore. It's not that I've become bitter about it (How could I? I never actually spoke to a woman outside of a school or work environment). It's more, I can see the writing on the walls. Some people will never walk, some people will never do calculus, and I'll never know intimacy with the fairer sex. Somewhere along the way, that thought became pretty hot.
Now recently this humble pervert has expanded his horizons. I've had other kinks. Started as a chubby chaser though we could say that EXPANDED into general weight gain. But now there's a new contender on the block. I started coming across prejac captions. Those were pretty fun, or I thought the humiliation aspect was. Then I started coming back to the hypnosis files and well, I guess I'm ready to commit.
Maybe those files were a bit too strong and I gone and got myself brainwashed. Oh well! Props to those who pulled it off because I've given in. Really. I've accepted I'll never lose my V-card and it's become such a sexy thought to think: What if I made it so I never would? What if I really made it so a shot of cleavage or a butt crack made me shoot one off like the beta loser I know I already am? Call me crazy, maybe I am, but it makes a lot of sense to me. Let me make a mess in my pants when I see a cute smile so I can just get on with my life! Yeah, I'm a loser, but I've still go things to do. Who has time for love for even to jack off these days? Well, maybe there's still time for latter.
I'm elsewhere on the internet doing other things. But I want to try my hand at a little blog here, see how it goes. I've scoured this whole prejac training. Maybe I only scratched the surface but I think there could be more content out there. So I'll do what I can. Let this be a blog for my journey, my fulfillment of destiny becoming a two pump chump or whatever you guys call it. Or maybe I'll write some little stories while I'm at it. There's a transformation fetish in my arsenal of degeneracy and I love the concept of guys losing their stamina, losing abs in favor of flabby guts, sporting a new chin and becoming beta losers all around.
So, yeah. Fuck it. I started out as a twig with hopes of finding a partner one day. But now I want to get fat and limp. I want to downgrade myself. I want to make myself unfuckable. But, hey. I'm in good spirits about it. Why wallow in sadness when you could have some fun? Currently I got a nice chubby belly going, what McDonald's does to a motherfucker. But now's the time to indulge on something else: The goal of becoming a pathetic prejac. We'll see how this goes. I've gained notoriety in other places and I've vanished on other hills. We'll see what becomes of this blog. Even if I just come here once in a while to have a schizo ramble about wanting to cum my pants because I accidently touched fingers with the pretty girl at the drive-thu. Whatever's fun and whatever helps me feel relief in this whacky world ready to pop. Like I said, it's been a long time. I don't exactly get tumblr completely but I'm sure it's worth a shot. From a loser on the edge, Cheers.
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lorei-writes · 3 years ago
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Basic Guide on How Not To: Slavic Characters
Well, as most of you have probably realised by now, I’m Polish. Truthfully, I am quite upset now. I generally tend to avoid most content involving Slavic people, because well, stereotypes are plentiful and I have only one stomach - there is only so much anger I can fit inside of it. However, this time I was merrily watching an episode of a series, for goodnight sleep, and got smacked in the face with just that... So, I suppose, let’s use my anger towards something - hopefully - productive. This is a very hard post for me to write. It may be closer to my personal experience, although I did try to be more general.
Contents:
Where Do I Even Begin or Sad Slav Filter
Common Stereotypes - Professions & Jobs
Common Stereotypes - Characteristics
Few basic issues with languages & names
Where Do I Even Begin or Sad Slav Filter
Grey buildings, empty plazas, ominous blocks of flats with walls up to the very sky. Snow. Gloom faces. Dark nights. Red. Gold.
To start with, be aware that this sort of image is oftentimes not only written into stories or presented in picture-based media, but that I had the displeasure of seeing it being used for cover art for several books.
What I jokingly call sad Slav filter is presenting the reality of Eastern Europe* through, well, pessimistic glasses. The architecture speaks of terror, of being post-communist state, of never having recovered. The streets portrayed in such fashion are gloom, unwelcoming, threatening in a way. Winter is oftentimes the season of choice, to add an extra layer of depressive atmosphere and cold. Nobody smiles. One may say that usage of gold and red brightens the image - however, those connect directly to the communist flag, thus locking the entire space in a rather obvious context.
The reality?
Yes, old blocks of flats built in 60s or so still exist. Some are even grey and in dire need of being re-painted! However... Many are not in such a state. In Poland, the common colours for elevation of such buildings are white, pastel orange, pastel yellow and pastel green, oftentimes put together in combination of stripes or other geometric shapes. What also should be noted is that such estates were designed with plenty trees and other plants around them in mind, as to accommodate for a development of a community - especially for older blocks of flats, those are most likely situated nearby a primary school and a kindergarten, not to mention stores and other services. It is not uncommon for playgrounds to be present as well. You could also expect small flower gardens.
Parks exist here. Architecture does not begin and end at the blocks of flats, especially not in the major cities - most, if not all, have old towns or historical representative streets. Buildings dating back to medieval still do exist in plenty of places. Churches & Tserkovs - those are oftentimes tourists sites for a reason! 
It may happen that the side of a building will be decorated with a mural. It is not very common, but does happen. Here are some examples (from Poland). The designs sometimes relate to other works of art, or to some forms of traditional art.
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mural by NeSpoon, a street artist who incorporates motives of koronka ludowa [a type of lace] into her artwork
Overall, I come from a poorer region of Poland, from a small town to add to that. The one thing I would list about it? Flower gardens. All of my neighbours had flower gardens in front of their houses. In the recent years, I’ve seen plenty of new houses being built, plenty of renovations being made. Especially in spring and summer, it is all far from grey. Some major cities started investing in fields of wild flowers, as to aid pollinators. And winters? Well, the way it should be (as climate change shows and I have not seen a proper winter in a while), they should be snowy. Yes, it may involve a rather depressing image, at least in places where snow cannot just rest over the ground and glitter... But I do think it may be the case in plenty parts of Europe, as winter days are overall shorter as well, which hardly helps :”) Eastern Europe as a region is not locked in an eternal winter.
People may not be smiling, but they are not frowning either - it is the... Neutral resting face.
*- that being said, Eastern Europe is not inhabited only by Slavic people, even if it is often presented like so
Common Stereotypes - Professions & Jobs
List of common stereotypical jobs/professions usually performed by characters of Slavic descent:
a member of a mafia (Russian mafia)
a drug dealer
a spy
a prostitute
a maid / a cleaner
As you can see, nearly all of those involve crime, the only exception being a maid / a cleaner (which, I’d argue, speaks of a lower socio-economic status). If you do not plan to have more than one Slavic character in your work, I advise you to avoid those - especially if you wanted to make your character Russian. I do not think I have to explain why representing a group of people nearly exclusively as criminals is hurtful. 
Certain stereotypes exist in media. They do influence the reality. I have seen covers of books about spy programs (non-fiction, referencing an issue from 2000s) which involved clear references to communism (+ used the most hideous Sad Slav Filter I have ever seen). The title suggested all Russians are spies. This is not okay.
If you want to have a character who is performing any of the above, and want to make them Slavic, but then never have their heritage influence anything about them - ask yourself why.
EDIT: Do allow me to also add that being a sex-worker may not be a choice for all Slavic women. Sex-trafficking of Eastern Europeans is a real issue. You should be mindful of that when writing a story - even more so as it affects some countries more than others. Research is due.
Common Stereotypes - Characteristics
Common hurtful characteristics in depicting slavic characters:
uneducated or otherwise stupid
rude, loud, uncultured, violent
an alcoholic / addicted to drugs
extremely conservative / religious
Do I have to explain it? Yes, alcoholism is a social issue, same as addiction to drugs. Yes, some people are conservative and / or religious. However! We are not a monolith! Social issues are not the general rule! 
Scale of conservativeness and religiousness also differs greatly by age group and region. In Poland we have an entire category of practising atheists - non-believers, usually from smaller communities, who appear in church once or twice a year, despite not believing. Due to social pressure. What religion? This differs greatly too! Roman catholic, Greek orthodox, Muslim? Slavic people are not a monolith.
(about women specifically):
beautiful (must put plenty effort in her physical appearance)
looks for a rich (western) husband
submissive
obedient 
Well. This ties into the greater issue of objectification and sexualisation of Slavic and Eastern European women. Admittedly, such portrayal [including all of those] is more so present in online spaces, if you turn a few wrong corners down the roads of the internet :) It is dehumanising.
If your Slavic character happens to be a woman and must be extremely sexy femme fatal spy - this reeks of stereotypes.
Few basic issues with languages & names
As I’ve hinted already, it appears that oftentimes Slavic = Russian. This, however, is not true, both language-wise and culture-wise. Despite sharing some common elements, Slavic cultures do differ. Polish characters, unless they are 50+ years old, won’t generally speak Russian. Czech and Ukrainian are different. Ukrainian is not just another version of Russian.
I decided to single out this paragraph for one reason: authors oftentimes do not bother to check for appropriate names and just use whatever seems right. If you want to write a Slavic character, do make some research. 
The common mess-ups I’ve seen:
inappropriate form of the surname (about Russian surnames in particular; giving a woman a male version of the surname, giving a man the female version of the surname - Slavic languages are heavily gendered!)
claiming a character is of nationality B, while giving them a surname which is most definitely speaking of nationality A (e.g: Polish character with a clearly Hungarian name & surname)
wrong spelling
using very rare forms of names for all the characters written into the story (it sounds very unnatural - in one particular case it seemed to have been done on purpose, as I’ve had to google whether some names were even names. They were used as code names for few organisations during WWII. That sort of uncommon).
nicknames derived from the actual names that would not work at all (Żegota -> Zeg; It just would not work like this. It would be literally more likely for a character named Żegota to be nicknamed/renamed Staszek than for somebody to call him Zeg. It does not only not include the ż sound, but it also ends with g - which a Polish person would simplify to k when speaking. In other words Zeg -> zek. This, meanwhile, is not only not exactly pleasant to say, but it also sounds like a grammatical form of another word, albeit pronounced with a heavy lisp - “river”; It is possible to find appropriate nicknames online).
Also, unless you want for some character to be a dick, do not make them purposefully mispronounce the name of a Slavic character or have them name them after an object/thing. (Calling “Maciej” by “Magic” because they can’t be bothered to learn to pronounce the name or at least try to get it close is not nice).
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cherrykindness · 4 years ago
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let's make babies |
pairing: Harry Styles x Actress!Reader
summary: you and harry are doing a live on instagram, you've drunk a lot of wine and now the world knows that the future Mrs. Styles is ready to make babies.
warnings: mostly cute, but the title tells you what you need to know 🤪
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"What is your favorite song from the Fine Line album?" Y/N read aloud, twirling in her right hand the second glass of wine of the evening, the one already halfway through. "Adore You and Watermelon Sugar, of course."
Harry giggled, rolling his eyes upon hearing his fiancée's statement.
"Y/N will always choose Adore You because it was obviously written for her." He accused. "She wouldn't give that answer under different circumstances."
The comments climbed up the screen continuously, most fans gushing about how cute Harry Styles and YN/LN could be while the other part was concerned with wringing even more information out of the slightly inebriated couple who had decided to do a surprise live one early Sunday morning.
As expected after being away for some time to begin filming Don't Worry, Darling in Southern California, Harry enjoyed a lazy weekend in the house he shared with his fiancée and her pets. The days were filled with late naps and relentless Netflix marathons, sublime and ethereal evenings, marked mostly by unexpected declarations and rounds of sex that used to last until the beams of light were shyly coming through the linen curtains. They were not a monotonous couple, so this order could easily be changed.
"Watermelon Sugar is nothing more than about my love for watermelons, don't get too creative." Harry replied to a fan while sporting a corner smile, the message standing out among the rest for its dozens of emojis and large print, questioning the singer about erotic content behind the lyrics of his latest hit. "I really don't know what you guys are talking about."
Y/N laughed, shaking her head before leaning it against her fiancé's chest, propped up on the soft white pillows that were spread practically all over the bed. The air conditioner was on at a minimal temperature and a light rain whipped on the panes of glass camouflaged by the cream-colored curtain, that being the projection of Y/N's favorite nights.
"You can tell them, I'm not shy." She joked, nudging her fiancé's waist.
"You know what it was written about and who it was written for." Harry replied, raising one of his eyebrows. "That's what matters."
It went without saying that much of Harry's newest album, as well as some of his earlier work, had been done in exclusive dedication to his future wife. Y/N had been the muse for a vast repertoire of romantic songs, and even though the singer preferred to keep the story behind his more explicit compositions a "secret", the relationship the two had shared for more than three years was already solid and known enough for the media and fans to distinguish hidden messages in small details.
"It's a song about what usually comes before the act of making babies." Y/N laughed as he pointed at the display. "Honestly, you guys are impossible."
"No, we make babies every day." Harry joked, making a funny motion with his eyebrows. "I would spend my entire career writing just about that."
"Harry!" The actress exclaimed incredulously, slapping her fiancé weakly on the chest. "Children might be watching this."
"You don't want to have babies with me?" He asked falsely offended, accepting the cup that Y/N offered him. "Because I want some babies with you."
Y/N laughed, rolling her eyes as she watched the internet freak out at the dialogue that had suddenly emerged. Since the beginning of the quarantine, it was kind of inevitable that the couple of artists would not become the darlings of all social media; they were fervently active with photos, videos, and lives that depicted step by step daily life in isolation, gaining more and more followers and making the media more and more fascinated by the relationship they both shared.
The wedding was scheduled for the summer of next year and it was perhaps the most anticipated event in the tabloids. Bets about what the model of Y/N's dress would be and lists presuming who would be selected for the short list of guests stood out among countless news stories about the famous people influencing pop culture today.
The possible arrival of a Styles baby was an inevitable topic in interviews. Harry and Niall were the only members of the ex-boyband that had not become fathers yet, and because they had maintained a solid relationship and were seen as one of the most enviable couples during the last four years, Y/N and Harry had gotten used to all this openly asked questions. They didn't mind, they even had fun with the montages and all the anxiety that dominated the whole internet, often mentioning the fandoms' efforts to represent them as such "cool" parents in perfectly edited pictures.
"No, guys, I'm not pregnant." Y/N amusingly clarified the doubt of dozens of new comments. "Please don't believe so many controversial news stories that appear out there. I was on twitter last week and saw several people theorizing about a possible pregnancy, most of the arguments based on a website that used photos from the set of How to Get Away with Murder in the season where I was actually playing a pregnant woman as Laurel." She laughed. "It's so funny! I know you guys love to guess these things, but we won't hide something so special when it actually happen, I promise."
"Especially because Y/N can hide absolutely nothing from anyone." Harry accused, leaving his drink on the corner table before settling into a comfortable position for the two of them. "Anyone who's a Marvel fan knows that. That's one of her most characteristic quirks."
"They gave me a fake script for the last two movies." Y/N agreed, shaking his head. "For me and Tom."
"We agreed to keep the engagement a secret for a while. The plan was to travel to Holmes Chapel to break the news to my family in person, but guess who got a call at ten o'clock at night from an angry Anne because she learned of her son's engagement from an interview Y/N gave the next day?"
Y/N gave a guilty smile, winking gracefully at the camera. "It was all James' fault! I'm sure he already suspected something, those questions were very suspicious."
"Of course the questions were suspicious, babe. You literally said you had a secret that involved both of us but that you couldn't tell because it was important that our families knew first."
"I thought he would think about a pregnancy or something!" The actress defended herself, feeling very convincing in her intonation bordering on obviousness. "That's a mania I can't get rid of, it's in my genes."
"Did you all hear that? Further proof that you guys don't have to worry about guessing when Y/N's pregnancy will be, I'm sure our baby will make sure to tell you everything while still in the womb, mom's genes will make sure of that."
"You are so funny, Harry Styles." Y/N sarcastically stated, holding back a giggle as countless messages with laughing emojis were frantically up. "Yeah, I know I talk a lot and all, but you have annoying quirks too."
It was obvious that live would be news the next day. Although they were completely open about matters concerning their relationship, nothing seemed better than receiving so much exclusive information from a Harry and S/N drunk on expensive wine.
"You wake up in a bad mood and you're dangerously sexy, that should be illegal."
Harry laughed, holding his fiancée's waist a little tighter as he felt her tumble a little further to the side, getting closer and closer to the edge of the bed. Y/N was dangerously weak for drinks, and the singer knew that the actress' body was already near its limit.
"You're the only sexy person here, love." He declared with a corner smile, evidently finding the whole situation funny. "Do you want to go to sleep now?"
"No." Y/N shook her head. "Can we watch some movie? Can we watch Sweet Home?"
"Of course, love." He murmured, giving the woman a quick kiss on the forehead.
Even though Harry knew that his fiancée was unlikely to make it past the five-minute mark of the episode, he made sure to restart the korean series at exactly the scene where she had stopped, the first chapter still halfway through after Y/N realized that it would be impossible to watch such a macabre work without a drop of alcohol in her blood.
She had been so excited by the taste of Argentinian wine and the idea of updating her fans after a few weeks away, that she had forgotten the main purpose of the live. Harry and Y/N had been apart for a few days due to the new movie the Brit was shooting in North America, all happening in an unrestrictedly careful manner due to the restrictions caused by the pandemic.
He was slowly migrating towards acting and the future Mrs. Styles couldn't be prouder. Y/N had felt on cloud nine when Harry had given her the news of his upcoming job, but her only pronouncement on the subject had been a succinct post on instagram. Just a photo of the couple on a trip to Germany with a simple heart emoji didn't seem enough for the actress' exhibitionist soul, and coming to that conclusion was the main reason she decided to invite him, already relatively changed, for a live appearance. Y/N wanted to go on and on about how much she loved that man and work on that whole honeyed speech that would bring her (once again) the title of "cutest bride of all time," but of course Harry had to come home from his trip with his favorite red wine and poison her with those sweet caresses that took her out of orbit, turning the degree of alcohol content into the least of her problems.
"You're going to kiss Florence." Y/N exclaimed suddenly, as if only now realizing that her fiancé would share the screen with Florence Pugh, one of her closest friends in that industry. "Kiss on the mouth."
The MacBook was still open and hundreds of new comments were going up every second, but Harry didn't bother one bit to warn her about the possibility of her becoming a meme the next day. He was having too much fun with the situation to worry.
"Are you jealous?"
"Yes." She stated with a pout. "I am jealous, I just don't know if I'm more jealous of her or of you."
"But you kiss me every day, babe." Harry laughed. "And you've been kissing other people's men for almost ten years." He joked.
"But I only think about you, I already told you that."
Harry shook his head negatively at the camera, knowing he was sharing with the fans the funniest side of his fiancée.
"I know that, honey." He assured, lightly stroking the actress' back. "I think we'd better turn off the TV and go to sleep now, I'm sure you'll have a terrible headache tomorrow."
The brit planned to bid his audience goodbye and put an end to that recording, but Y/N was drunk and her sense of right and wrong had already gone to space. Harry should have been quicker, however, because his fiancée's speech would be cause for new tags and the only subject for the interviewers for at least the next few months.
"I don't want to sleep, how about we make babies?"
That's what Watermelon Sugar was all about, after all.
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rpd-rookie · 3 years ago
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The One Who Runs Away, The One Who Runs Back (Leon S. Kennedy x Reader)
Author’s note: This is a sequel to “A PAST WITH HER, A FUTURE WITH YOU” and the end of my three-parts fan fiction "I TRUSTED YOU WITH MY HEART" I decided to write after so many of you asked for it. Sorry it took so long but I was navigating from one fandom to another. (BTW, if there are any Devil May Cry fans up here, you can read my DMC fan fictions here) PS: Even if I said it before, I have no hate whatsoever towards Ada or Aeon.
Tagged: Angst, Fluff, Romance, Post-Break up, Sexual Content 
Part 1 / Part 2
***
Do you remember? We started this story by quoting some sitcom character that was clueless about love. Well, here’s a suggestion. Why not ending it by quoting someone who knew a little more on such matter.
William Shakespeare - you know that English dude expert on tragic ‘drink this poison, stab yourself’ kind of love - apparently once said ‘Love runs away from those chasing her, and those who run away, she throws herself on his neck’. I say ‘apparently’ cause, even though I have a master in English lit, this quote is from the internet, and also … who knows what the guy truly said?
But it’s the quote that’s important. Not the author. The quote it’s important because it sums up perfectly how this story is gonna end. However, before starting, let me tell you this quote is going to be the only Shakespeare-worthy sentence in this final chapter. You’ve been warned.
Love runs away from those chasing her.          Well, this part was definitely written for someone like Ada Wong. Owner of countless gold medals and possibly a world record at this point, that woman is basically the Usain Bolt of the ‘Running from Leon S. Kennedy’ competition. Unchallenged winner since the creation of this sultry version of cat and mouse game, it’s better not to think about the number of times she successfully ran away from her favourite agent.  But this year, this formidable titleholder in a gorgeous red dress will have to face her Nemesis in the championship. You. Though the comparison to the hideous bio-organic killing machine might not be very complimentary to you but you get the idea.  This year you enter the Kennedy Olympics. And this year you run like Sonic the Hedgehog and you win the damn competition (screw you Usain Bold!). And you do this with your head high and without an ounce of regret. Ignore all the texts and flowers Leon might send on your track Mario Kart style. His gifts are not as slippery as banana peels and they can easily be dodged, I promise. Well, most of the time, when you’re not lying on your bed in the middle of the night crying and sobbing while reading his messages or playing his voice in your voicemail again and again until you’re nothing more but a giant mess with puffy red eyes drowning in a puddle of your own tears.        Screw those messages too! And screw his broken yet terribly sexy voice as well!
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Being a man of word, Leon kept his promise. And for months you kept on running peacefully, marathoning away from this past relationship that had destroyed you like no other before while tranquilly fixing your broken heart on the way. That run was a good cardio.
But sometimes, cardio is not enough, and even just the small sight of an overpriced whisky bottle or the smell of Leon’s perfume on some guy’s clothes is enough to reopen your wounds.           And when it happens, you always do the same thing, you break the damn bottle - and run cause damn! it’s expensive! -  or you tell the guy his perfume smells like cheap cologne and that he should definitely change it, which is an improvement on your past destructive behaviour, since there was a time shortly after the break up when you would have simply dragged the guy to your place to let him fuck you senseless while imagining he was Leon. All that just for the illusion to feel him again and for the sake to kick him out the next morning, screaming like a hysterical psycho.
So imagine, for a small second, the wave of intense feelings surging out of your healing heart when, in the middle of a cafe, you hear some dude sitting behind you ordering Leon’s favourite whisky while wearing the same bloody perfume. “It’s got to be relentless persecution at that point!” You sigh, already annoyed, closing your book more violently than intended. Hope you’re ready, stranger! Because you’re not in the mood to deal with this right now.            You turn around with a fake smile that reflects perfectly your irritation, ready to give him hell, your sharpest riposte already burning your tongue. After all, he deserves it and you can’t help it.         But when you meet familiar – and freaking gorgeous - baby blue eyes you freeze and stare, suddenly confused and lost and refusing to believe that in spite of the intense running, love just jumped at your neck after all and it was sitting there, taking the shape of Leon S(tupid) Kennedy.
You should have stood up and left, run for your life, run for your heart. And yet, you didn’t.    You stayed there staring at him looking at you, allowing all your memories, the good ones and the bad ones, all your buried feelings to come back from the dead, embracing them as if you had missed them, which, let’s be honest, you probably had.            You tried to scream to yourself “Come on, Y/N! Shake a leg!” but it seemed that what you brain understood was something like “Cum on him! Open your legs!” as a couple of blurry hours later, you were on Leon’s bed, legs wide open, screaming his name and begging him not to stop his amazing thrusts.
Six months, you ran for six months … Well, looks like the run ends here and now. After a minute-long deep stare, an afternoon of amazing sex and two hours long of something blurry in between.
“I missed you.” And there you were! The moment all couples that broke up have after one of them (in this case Leon with the infamous ‘I missed you line’) starts to believe they miraculously rekindled their love. The fatal post-coital cuddling session that you don’t know how to react to, as you think of all the possibilities before you.      Possibility Number 1) You tell Leon you missed him too and cuddle, enjoying that embrace you secretly yearned for months. But that includes forgetting what he has done or pretending that nothing happened.     Possibility Number 2) You push him away, get dressed, leave again and act as if this afternoon never happened. But if Leon doesn’t remind you of it, the ache between your legs will, that’s for sure!   Possibility Number 3) You jump him again until you sore even more and hope that you’ll be able to leave afterwards.         Frankly, all possibilities suck because, in all cases, it seems like you lose. Since,       with Possibility Number 1) you lose the run forever, with Possibility Number 2) you lose him again and with Possibility Number 3) well it’s result 1 or 2 + your body aching like crazy for days. I suck at math but no need to be Einstein to know the result of this calculation looks unpleasant.    So what do you choose?
You see a triangular dice rolling in your head, showing a never-ending succession of 1, 2 and 3 that doesn’t make any sense and that confuse you even more than you already are. 1, 2, 3, 2, 1, 3, 2 ! Oh for fuck’s sake!
You grimace, angry and pissed at Leon and probably even more at yourself, and finally leaves his bed and his strong warm arms, feeling the tears furiously forming in your eyes. “I can’t” You can’t look at him in the eyes. You don’t want to see his confusion, don’t want to see his pain as he witnesses all his hopes shatter to pieces.         “ What do you mean?” You can hear the sheets crease behind you, alerting you of Leon’s agitation, so you hurry and pick up all your clothes scattered in his room. You must leave, now. 2! 2 it is!  “This! All This! This afternoon never happened.” You tell him, putting on your clothes with sudden clumsy and trembling hands, not caring if your bra is correctly hooked or if you put your shirt on back to front. Your heart. You have to think of your poor heart first.          “Hey, hey, hey.” You feel Leon’s hand softly grabbing your arms and you let go of whatever you were holding right now. His voice is sweet and trying to be comforting. Don’t look at him Y/N! Don’t look at him! “Look at me.” You do. Damn it! And you see his gorgeous blue eyes staring at you, studying your flustered face and the tears slowly drowning your (colour) look. You missed those eyes. You missed them so.damn.much ! As much as you missed his hands cupping your face and his thumbs wiping up your tears. God! How many tears those thumbs have missed recently. “It’s alright.”
You want to believe him. You really do. But there is this voice screaming in your head and very clearly this time. A voice shouting, forcing you to remember that night, that awful nightmarish night, the one when you felt your heart break and your dreams turn to ashes. All that because of him and his obsession for her.
“No, it’s not alright, Leon.” You shake your head and miraculously manage to take a small step back. You never thought you could. But you had to. You can’t stay close to him. You can’t let him touch you, feel you. Not if you want to run away. And you have to run away. Like her! Like Ada. Ada! “I told you. For as long as you have feelings for Ada, I can’t … we can’t…”     “Please don’t talk about her.” He begs and rubs his hand over his face. Is he trying to chase her away from his mind? Is she still in here? Please, let her not be in here.    “But she’s the reason we’re in this situation now. She’s the reason why we’re in this mess.” You insist only for the sake to see his reaction when you mention Ada, to see if she’s still under his skin, somewhere. “Ada is not the reason. I am!” Leon corrects you, a finger directed at his heavy chest as he is putting the full blame on himself for the first time since that night. “I am the one who went after Ada when I shouldn’t have! I am the reason why we broke up! I am the reason why we are so miserable!”         “But I was fine!” You shouted back in an attempt to show him he was wrong refusing to listen to that part of you who knew he was completely right. You were miserable without him. “I was doing fine until you came back and fucked everything up! I was healing goddamnit!”             You felt new tears rolling along your red cheeks and quickly wipe them off with the back of your hand that felt so callous and rough in comparison to Leon’s gentle touch. “You can’t just jump back into my life like this and expect me to forget!”
Leon nods, agreeing with you in a certain way. But the truth is, he doesn’t want you to forget. He doesn’t expect you to erase his mistake. He just wants you to forgive him … No, he just wants you to come back to him. Period. And that’s got to be what you want to. It has to!   “So why did you have sex with me, huh?” He finally asks even though he already knows your answer. “Tell me!” You’re not the kind of person who has meaningless sex, not the kind of person who worships one’s body with divine kisses and devoted caresses if they mean nothing. “Why did you have sex with me?” And yet the answer he wishes to hear doesn’t come out. “For fuck’s sake Y/N! Answer me! Why?” He shouts making you shiver and cry even more.    “Because I LOVE YOU!” You finally scream. And it hurts. It hurts but it feels good too. Like a weight lifted off your chest. “Because I missed you too! Because those months without you have been terrible! Because I don’t know how to handle even just the thought of you or the sound of your voice in my voicemail. Because each time I see something that makes me think of you, I’m a mess and I do things that normal me would never do! You fucked me up, Leon! You fucked me up but I love you! And I hate to love you!” You grunt in pain and relief, enraged but happy that you finally let everything out. And Leon listens in silence, frozen by your powerful honest confession. But he doesn’t know how to react. He doesn’t know what to say. Part of him is overjoyed, ecstatic that you still love him but there is another part that just feels terrible, sorry for the pain your love for him caused you even in his absence.   “But you see—“ You continue “That’s the problem in our relationship, Leon! I love you in ways that are so intense, that go beyond sanity. And you love me by half.”    You see him crumple, his horrified face looking suddenly very pale as if he had just heard some dreadful news. Is that really how you feel? Is that how you see his love for you? Is that what he has made you believe?         “Goodbye Leon.”
With the full intention to leave Leon’s place for good and never come back, you grab you bag on your way out of the bedroom while carelessly shoving your underwear inside of it since you forgot to put them on in the midst of panic and precipitation. Get out of here, Y/N! Now! A reasonable voice encourages you. Listen to me!    But this not what Leon wants.
“I never loved you by half.” He declares and you abruptly stop, asking God if he’s some kind of sadist that loves seeing you in pain from the comfort of his divine sofa somewhere in heaven. “Never.” But it’s not God and his sadism that makes you turn around. It’s you, and your masochist love for that blue-eyed man before you.     “I don’t believe you” Your voice almost doesn’t leave your throat as you try not to sob.           “But it’s the truth.” He says with a calm soothing voice as he slowly approaches you. “I never imagined my future with Ada. I never wished to grow old with her or build a home with her.” You want to tell Leon to stop talking, to stay where he is but your body doesn’t seem to respond. And when you feel him grabbing your hands in his and the comforting warmth that goes with that simple touch, you know that leaving is now an almost impossible task. “Yes. I admit it. My feelings for her were real.” Even when his honesty hurts you, you don’t know how to leave anymore. “But they were nothing in comparison to what I feel for you.”     You try to let go, pulling your hands away from his loving grip but he holds you back. And you’re not strong enough. Or maybe, you just don’t want to be strong. Everything is so confusing. Everything is tearing you apart.     “But they’re still here, aren’t they?” You question, hoping his answer might give you a clue, might give you the strength to make the correct decision. Do you leave? Or do you stay? “And they’ll keep coming back each she goes back into your life. You can’t let go of her.”    “You’re maybe right.” His words hurt you more than you thought they would. They hurt like hell because you realise there are not the ones you wanted to hear. You wanted to hear him say that he would let go of Ada, for good, for you. You wanted to hear that because deep down … YOU WANTED TO FUCKING STAY! “But can you let go of your past?” He continues and you shake your head refusing to hear any other word coming out of Leon’s mouth.       “Don’t!” You beg, weary.           “No! Listen to me this time. Ada is my past, Y/N. She’s my past. And you … you’re my future. You’re my life, damn it!” He doesn’t cry but you don’t need his tears to sense how emotional and how honest he is. And suddenly, you just want to listen to him. “And I was a fool not to see it sooner. When you left me, I felt a void I had never felt in my entire life. I felt like a part of me was missing. And then, the bombing in Washington happened, and it was like I had nothing left. I needed you. I wanted you. You. Not Ada.”      “Leon” You whisper and he cups your face again, blue eyes staring deep into yours, allowing you to see everything in him, his strong love for you and all the weaknesses he hated to admit. “It was you in my mind. Only you. And it will always be you. Because I love you. Now. Today. And I will always love you.”
You cry even more, uncertain if those tears are tears of sorrow, tears of joy or a mix of both. God, how can your emotions be such a mess right now? How can you be wishing to shout at him with all the anger you’ve accumulated and, at the same time, willing to kiss him with all love you’ve got?
“If you got to believe something. Believe that. And if that’s not enough and you think you can be happy with someone else. Then go. I won’t hold you back.” You frown. He is fucking lying. You’re sure of it. “You can’t stop running after me and you know it.” He smiles and scoffs, sensing that hint of sudden defiance in your tone he enjoys a lot.  “True. I can’t sop running after you. But I’ll do my best not to catch you if that’s what you want. But you got to tell me. Is that what you truly want?” You don’t reply. Truth is, you’re not sure what to say not because you’re not sure that’s what you want but because you’re not sure you can trust him if you let him in again.                        “No.” You whisper. “No, that’s not what I want. I want you. All of you.” You can see Leon struggle to contain his growing joy as it starts to glimmer brighter and brighter in his irises. He doesn’t want to cry victory just yet. He is cautious and rightfully so. “But can I?”        “Want me?” He smiles. “ Have you completely?” You correct, searching for a promise in his eyes, one you hope, you wish he would not break this time.     “Trust me with your heart again and find out.”
This better not hurt this time…
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deans-baby-momma · 4 years ago
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Once In A Lifetime
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A/N: Well guys. I guess you can say I fell down a rabbit hole....DEEP down a rabbit hole. And I’m going to blame Walker. LOL I’ve always been a Jensen/Dean girl with Jared/Sam curiosity and after a dream I had a few nights ago, THIS happened.  Now the dream was only the first part of this story, meeting them in a restaurant but them, while writing it took on a life of it’s own and I am not sorry in the least. 
Summary: During your shift as a waitress as a restaurant in Austin, you are surprised to find two of your favorite celebrities in your section. How will that encounter cause you to have a once in a lifetime experience? 
W/C: 11,138 words ( I’m not the least bit sorry)
Y/N: Your Name; Y/E/E: Your employment establishment
Warnings: ogling, fantasies, smut, p in v, fingering, v on v, oral (both giving and receiving), fisting, anal play, cum play, dirty talk, slight breeding kink, squirting, daddy kink, mama kink
"Holy shit," I exclaim before clapping my palm over my mouth as there were three adorable children in the vicinity. "Sorry. My name is Y/N and I'll be your server today," I say as I try to calm down. Jared and Genevieve Padalecki were seated in my zone at Y/E/E. "Can I interest you in some appetizers or some coloring pages and crayons for the kids?"
I can't help but glance around at the five of them. They two boys sporting the longer locks like their dad and the little girl, all dolled up with her light brown hair flowing down over her shoulders. They were three of the six most adorable kids in the world; the other three being the Ackles kids but I had yet to see them in person, only on the computer.  
“We will take some buffalo cauliflower bites and some mozzarella cheese sticks with marinara,” the loveliest voice I’d ever heard spoke. I look toward Genevieve to see her smiling at me, her brown eyes sparkling. 
“And-” I pause to swallow. “-for drinks?”
“Whatever is on tap for Jared, I’ll take a sweet tea with lemon and the kids will have Sprite,” she tells me, the smile on her face unmoving. ‘God she’s gorgeous,’ I think to myself as I write down the orders. ‘Jared is one lucky son of a bitch.’
I grin as I tell them I will be right back with their drinks and head toward the server area. I throw my pad down on the counter and lean against it, my palms flat against the granite. How the fuck am I going to get through serving them? I have had a crush on Genevieve since I watched Wildfire a few years ago. And then when I caught an episode of Supernatural and got a glimpse of Jared, I was in lust, for both of them. 
And now I had to cater to and serve them while being professional and less of a crazy fan. Yea that isn’t going to happen. I know myself too well. I’m going to do or say something that will absolutely humiliate myself in front of the two celebrities I have adored for years. 
Thanks to some tactical breathing exercises while waiting on their food and an internal pep talk, I got through serving the Padalecki family and when they asked for the bill I was a bit saddened that their visit was coming to an end. I knew I’d probably never see them again.
As I printed out their receipt I lamented the fact that the one time I met anyone famous it was at work and I couldn’t ask for an autograph or photo with them. I smiled as I gave them the sales slip and walked away. 
From my post behind the server’s desk I watched as the five of them got up and walked toward the door. Genevieve looked my way and smiled and waved as they left. I returned the gesture and giggled. 
After making sure the coast was clear, I approached their table to collect the payment and take it to the register. What I wasn’t expecting with the cash, was a handwritten note with a phone number on it. 
‘Y/N your service was magnificent. Here’s a little tip for you and a bigger one awaits, if you are interested. (xxx)xxx-xxxx. ~Gen’
Did she really expect me to call her? Was this even her real number? What kind of tip is she referring to anyway? I look at the money in my hand to see that they have paid almost $50 more than their bill! What bigger tip than that could it be?!
I waited until my shift was over and I was in the comfort of my own vehicle before I pulled the piece of paper with the number out of my apron.
Opening the text app with shaky fingers, I typed out the response I had thought of all evening.
Hey. Is this Genevieve Padalecki? It's Y/N from Y/E/E. I was your waitress earlier. 
Almost immediately my phone pings and I see that whomever I texted had responded.
Hey Y/N. Yes, it's me. Glad to see you found my note.
Yea, I did. What I can't figure out is why you left it. Did I do something wrong?
Oh sweetie no! You were the perfect hostess. Sweet, friendly, easy on the eyes ;)
Whoa, was this married woman flirting with me? This famous married woman who had an attractive, sexy, famous as well husband. 
Uh, thanks. 
You caught not only my eye but Jare's as well. We'd like to get to know you better.  Have you already gotten off? From work, I mean. Ha!
Ok, if that isn't flirting then I don't know what is. That was definitely an innuendo, right?
Yes. I'm sitting in my car.
Wanna come over? The kids are in bed. Us adults can talk without interruptions. 
Uh, okay. I'm gonna kinda need your address. I might be a fan but I'm not that kind of fan.
Gen sends me her address, along with the code to get into the gate. I realize they live in the gated community about 45 minutes away. 
I look in the rearview and notice my hair is frizzy and half of it has fallen out of the ponytail it was in. I really didn't want to show up on their doorstep looking like a charity case but then again was I going to pass up the opportunity to get to know two of my favorite celebrities?
If you aren't interested we completely understand.
Gen's message breaks me out of my reverie and I look at it, deciding what the hell.
On my way now. 
We can't wait to see you again Y/N!
I place my phone in the cupholder and start the car up, still in shock that I'm headed to the personal home of Jared and Genevieve Padalecki. 
What universe am I in?!
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I get to their house and Genevieve meets me at the door.
"Hey Y/N," she greets me with a smile. "Did you have any trouble getting in the gate?"
"No, it opened right up as soon as I punched in the code." 
Gen is dressed down for the evening. Well, as dressed down as I'm sure famous rich people can  be. She is wearing velour sweat shorts, probably some name brand designer and her t-shirt has the Family Business Brewery logo and name printed on it. 
And here I look like a slob who can't care for herself. I so do not belong here.
"Come on in," Genevieve continues as she opens the door wide. "Jared is in the kitchen making us ladies some drinks."
"Uh, I don't know. I mean, I still have to drive home later."
"Or you could stay," she says as she takes my hand and stands right in front of me. Genevieve is just a couple inches taller than I am so we are practically face to face. 
"Oh."
That's all I can say. It is glaringly obvious now what this visit is. And if I said I wasn't down for it I'd be lying!
Gen smiles as she takes her free hand and reaches behind me, pulling the tie from my hair. I feel the weight of it fall to my shoulders. 
"That's better," she says then turns and pulls me further into the house.
We get to the kitchen and Jared is standing there, dressed down also in a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt. I can't stop myself as my eyes run down the length of his body.
The t-shirt doesn't do much to hide the breath of his shoulders or the bulk of his pecs,  the arms of the fabric stretched tight over his biceps. As my eyes wander lower, I realize that all the rumors I'd heard about the heft and length of his 'conda were not exaggerated as I can definitely see the outline of it behind the silky material of his shorts.  But what really draws my attention is the definition of his calf muscles; even relaxed they distend from his legs, the skin taut over them.
"Hey. You made it," his voice brings my attention back to his face. "I'm Jared."
"I know," I say sincerely, internally wincing at how nervous I sound. I smile to hide the uneasiness.
"Yea, I kinda figured that out at Y/E/E by your reaction," he chuckles as he hands a glass to his wife.  "Gen wanted a margarita but we have some craft beer in the fridge if that is more your taste. It's really good. Our friends, Jensen and Dee, own a brewery."
"Family Business," I state with a nod. "I've wanted to go check it out but haven't had a chance,  yet."
"Well, maybe we can get you a private tour sometime," he tells me with a wink. "Now, name your poison."
I settle for a Cosmic Cowboy, Jared grabs a Grackle for himself and the three of us make our way to the living room.
Their house is magnificent. There are logs, de-barked, as beams across the ceiling and even the staircase is made of the same type of wood. I'd seen it in a family picture on the internet but never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd be inside this home to appreciate the beauty of it.
The Padalecki's and I talk for what seems like hours. We all seem to have so much in common. Eventually I had traded the beer for one of Jared's famous margaritas,  thanks to Gen's suggestion and before I knew it I was on my third one and not feeling any pain.
A smile was glued to my face and I couldn't stop giggling. I was drinking with Jared and Genevieve Padalecki! Who would have ever thought that.
Jared takes the almost empty glass from my hand and laughs at the pout I give him.
"Ok lush," he says with his own deep giggle. "If you get too drunk we can't talk about what we invited you here for."
In my inebriated state, I say words I never in a million years thought I would ever utter. "You want to fuck me."
Jared looks surprised and glances at Genevieve, which causes me to look at her as I realize what I just said.
Can you go from intoxicated to sober in less than 5 seconds? Because I just did!
"Oh my god!" I exclaim. "I'm so sorry. I have no filter when I've been drinking."
I start to fidget and prepare to be thrown out of their house. I am taken aback when Gen smiles and says, "Yes we do."
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There is a trail of clothing from the top of the staircase down the hall to where we are now. My body is being held up against the wall as Jared devours my mouth, Gen's lips on my neck and shoulder.
"You are so fucking sexy," she whispers and I whimper into her husband's mouth. "You caught my eye as soon as we walked into Y/E/E this evening. I knew I wanted you and Jared agreed."
"Let's take this into the bedroom," Jared murmurs against my lips and hoists me up by the back of my thighs, urging me to wrap my legs around his waist.
He carries me into the room with Genevieve following closely behind. He lays me back on the bed and hovers over me, his body pressed tightly to mine. I can feel his erection digging into my lower stomach.
"Jared," Gen calls in a sultry, seductive voice. "Share."
Jared pushes up off of me and Gen steps between my open knees. "Let's get these panties off of you," she says and I notice that she has already removed hers plus her bra and is standing at the edge of the bed in all her naked glory.
To say Genevieve Padalecki was beautiful would be an understatement but her nude? Well it just amped up the sexiness by a bajillion. She has no hair on her pussy, shaved (or waxed) clean. Her tits are perfect handfuls with pretty little rosy pink nipples that are erect and hardened. 
She has pulled her soft brown hair up into a makeshift bun and I watch as she reaches forward, her dainty fingers curling into the hem of my plain panties. Thank god I took the time before work to landscape!
She gasps as my equally shaven cunt is exposed as she pulls the garment down my legs and off my feet. 
"Such a pretty little pussy huh Jared?"
Jared comes back into my line of vision and he smiles at me before his eyes trail down to look at my bare body.
"So pretty," he says breathlessly as his hands come up and around his wife, his big hands covering her tits. "Bet it tastes so good. You gonna let Gen eat you out Y/N? Let her taste that sweet box."
I nod and he tsks. "Words Y/N. Use your words little kitten."
I swallow audibly and speak. "Yes. I want Gen to eat my pussy."
Gen smiles as she turns her head and kisses Jared passionately. After a few seconds though he pulls away, and pushes her closer to me. "Get to licking, baby while I open you up."
Gen bends down and I feel her hands on the inside of my thighs close to my center. The first touch of her tongue against my folds has me moaning like a porn star. She doesn't even breach my slit, just licks up the middle and then sucks on my outer lips.  
She moans and I look to see Jared has disappeared, on his knees behind her eating her out as she does the same to me. I can already feel the coil deep inside constricting. This is the most erotic sexual experience I have ever or will ever have!
When Gen does finally lick me open,  she immediately wraps her lips around my clit suckling and flicking the tip with her soft tongue. I feel a finger stroking around my entrance before it enters me. 
"Mmmmm," Gen moans and I open my eyes that I didn't even realize were closed. Jared is back in my line of sight, looking down as he notches his cock at her entrance.
He then places his hands on her hips and drives himself forward, burying inside his wife. Gen moans against my skin and I feel that coil tightening. I don't want to cum just yet so I brace against it, holding my release back.
With Jared's deep hard thrusts Gen's body bounces forward pushing her face closer into my pussy. She trades her finger inside me with her tongue and her thumb is rubbing circles around my clit as she licks my fluttering walls. 
My orgasm is bearing down and I'm beginning to fear I won't be able to hold it back.  
Jared is grunting and groaning behind her,  his eyes fixate on his wife's task of fingering me and licking my clit and labia. 
There is so much pressure between my legs I have to bite my lip to contain the scream that is begging to be released.
"Holy fuck!" Gen exclaims, pulling my attention to her. "Look babe. I have my whole hand inside her."
Jared's eyes travel to the spot and they widen as they take in the view. "Fuck! That is so goddamned hot."
Gen begins a soft thrust with her arm, twisting her wrist and letting her fingers hit my sweet spot. I see stars as I yell out. "I'm gonna cum!"
"Go on Y/N. Cum all over Gen. She wants it."
I let go and the pressure lessens as I feel my walls constrict and liquid squirts out around Gen's hand.
"God that was hot!" They both exclaim simultaneously and laugh.  Gen bends down and begins licking and suckling at my cunt as Jared continues his hard pace.
He slaps her ass twice and then stills,  groaning as I'm sure he is shooting his load inside her. Gen places her forehead on my inner thigh, catching her breath as Jared pulls out and looks down with a smile. 
"Baby you are leaking so much cum it's dripping on the floor."
When Gen moves out of the way, I get my first look at Jared's massive dick. And when I say massive,  I mean massive.  Not only is it ginormous in length but the girth is unbelievable.  How does he keep something that size hidden so well?
His hand is around the still-hard member and he looks at me as he fists up and down. "You ready?"
"Yes," I tell him confidently although inside I am not.
Gen has left the room, gone into their ensuite to clean up I'm sure. "Should we wait?" I ask hesitantly. 
"Nah, she knows I plan to fuck your brains out. She'll rejoin shortly."
“Okay,” I say with a nod and watch as Jared climbs onto the bed, walking on his knees to place himself between my legs. He is still fisting his cock, the mixture of his and his wife’s release lubricating the movement. 
“Can I kiss you?” he asks tentatively and I look up at him. He has one palm on the mattress beside my head and is hovering over me, but not touching.
I nod and then with a quirk of his eyebrow I remember his request, to use words. “Yes. Please kiss me Jared.”
Jared leans down and brushes his lips against mine softly but firmly. When his tongue touches the seam of my mouth, I open for him allowing him to lick into me. The kiss quickly becomes deeper, more passionate. My hands automatically reach up and my fingers entwine in the long locks on his head, pulling him closer.
Losing his balance, Jared falls on top of me, his hand that was holding him up, cupping the side of my face as we both get lost in the kiss. I can feel his moist, damp dick on my stomach and it causes me to writhe. God, I so desperately want that monster inside me!
The bed dips with Gen’s return and her hands run over the part of my skin that is visible under Jared’s large form. 
“You two look so fucking hot together,” she whispers as she kisses along my neck. “Y/N, you going to let Jared fuck you? Feel that big dick of his filling up that perfect little pussy?”
I can’t answer her because Jared is still kissing me senseless so I whimper and dig my fingers into his scalp. Her words are music to my ears, the assurance and suggestion  of what all he is planning to do to me all the encouragement I need. She is okay with me fucking Jared; she is actually urging it. I pull away, opening my eyes to see his hazel ones, lidded and filled with lust. 
“Fuck me Jared,” I say and he smiles as he lifts himself and grabs his dick, notching it at my entrance. 
“Ready baby?”
I nod and smile before saying, “More than ready.”
The stretch of my walls around his dick is a pleasured pain. It feels so good as he keeps sliding deeper in until it feels as if his tip is going to puncture through my cervix. I look down between us to see that he is to the root inside me and it makes me wetter, if that’s even possible. 
Gen pinches my chin between her thumb and fingers and turns my head to look at her. “Y/N, Jared is going to fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before. Are you ready?”
“Yes,” I answer breathlessly. 
Gen claims my lips with her own as Jared slowly and torturously pulls out until just the head of his dick is inside me. I feel his hands grip my hips and then he plunges into me in one swift movement. I can’t help but cry into her mouth as he sits the same fast hard pace as he had with her, his dick stretching my pussy and digging in deep.
I pull away from Gen’s mouth to yell. “HOLY SHIT! OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!”
“Yea, you like that don’t ya?” Jared pants as he keeps thrusting into my willing body. “You like being impaled on my big dick huh?”
“Yes! Yes! YES!”
Gen reaches between us and uses her fingertip to rub circles on my clit, making that coil deep inside me tighten. I am going to be cumming any minute now, I know it. I can’t hold it back even if I tried.
“You going to let Jared fill you up. Pump you full of his cum until you’re leaking like I was? Yea, you are, aren’t you? You want to feel him throbbing and shooting his load into your womb.”
Her words make my eyes roll into the back of my head and I scream as I feel my climax bearing down. Without any more prompting from either of them, I once again feel that pressure from earlier and before I know it I am squirting out around Jared’s dick, my release splashing against his thighs.
“Fuck!” he exclaims as he ramps up his efforts and suddenly I feel the warmth of his cum and the throb of his length as he empties inside me, his grunts and groans barely heard over the blood pumping through my ears. 
Jared claims my mouth again, his cock still buried deep in my pussy as it softens. 
I just fucked this man while his wife watched, after having her way with me. Whose life is this?!
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My eyes slowly open as I come to consciousness. I am hot, sweaty and uncomfortable and the need to pee is overwhelming. I go to roll over but am met with resistance, from both behind and in front of me.  What the hell?
I fully open my eyes and take in the view. That is not my ceiling and this is not my bed. My mattress has never been this soft, even when it was new.  I look down and see the ivory sheets and the maroon comforter and it all comes back to me. 
I fucked Jared AND Genevieve Padalecki! I am in their bed, in their house snuggled up between them.  I had sex with a married couple; not once, not twice but three times they fucked the daylights out of me. And I enjoyed every second of it.
I squirm as I feel something moving inside me, slowly making its way out of my body and sigh when I feel a clump of Jared’s cum slide out and down my ass, landing on the sheet under me. God, he cummed so hard and so much last night, filling both me and Gen up. 
And as good as it felt, it tasted even better. Especially out of Gen’s pussy. I had licked it right up as it poured out of her hole and onto my lips and tongue and she reciprocated before we teamed up and took turns swallowing him down, his palms cupping the back of our heads as we knelt in front of him, licking and sucking his cock.
My bladder takes me out of my reminiscence as the urge to piss becomes palpable and I wiggle and shift until I am out from under Jared’s arm and go to crawl over Gen’s sleeping form, unintentionally waking her.
“Hey sweetie. Where are you going?” she asks sleepily and the torpor in her voice is sexy and sensuous. 
“I gotta pee,” I tell her and she smiles before lifting her head to kiss me. 
“Ok baby. Hurry back.”
I walk into the ensuite and quickly sit on the toilet to do my business, still reeling from the events of last night. How the hell did I end up here? And how am I going to recover from having my dreams come true? How am I supposed to go back to my normal, boring existence after such an experience?
As I finish up and wash my hands, I decide that I’m going to leave while the leaving is good. What if they regret it? What if it wasn’t what they expected? What if I was just a first choice when they decided to have a threesome? Too many what if’s and not enough answers for my taste.
I tiptoe back into their room and grab my panties from the floor, pulling them on when I realize the rest of my clothing is thrown throughout the hallway. Shit! If the kids were up and strolling around the house they would see the waitress from the restaurant in their house half naked. 
“Y/N?” Gen’s voice causes me to turn my head to see her up on one elbow looking at me confused. “You’re not leaving, are you?”
“Y-yea. I think that would be best, don’t you?”
“Hell no. Get your perky little ass back in the bed,” she said authoritatively. “And take off those panties. I want to be able to touch you and caress you.”
I do as she says and she scoots closer to her husband as she pats the mattress in front of her. I climb in beside her and she promptly pulls me to her, her hand cupping my sex as she kisses along my ear. She whispers, “I’m never going to get tired of this pretty little pussy,” as she begins drawing circles on my clit and running her fingers down my folds. "Could eat it everyday and never get enough.”
I whimper at her words and she smiles against my skin. “You’d like that wouldn’t you? Me eating you out everyday, fucking you with my tongue, my fingers, my fist. Shit, I’m getting wet just thinking about it.” 
Her fingers tease my opening before two of them slide inside, curling up to hit that sweet spot. My back arches off the bed as I moan. “Yea, you like that don’t you. You like me fingering you.” She scissors her digits open and closed as we both groan at the slick that has accumulated. 
“Cum baby,” she urges. “Come on Mama’s hand.”
My climax comes out of nowhere as Gen sits up, propping her body with her free hand as he other works me furiously through my release. I watch her with bated breath as she removes her hand and licks her fingers clean. “Mmm, tasty.”
When she is done, she leans down and kisses me, her tongue prodding into my open lips, letting me taste the sweetness of my tang on it. I run my fingers through her hair, fisting them. 
“Jesus, what a sight to wake up to,” we hear Jared’s groggy voice and pull apart, looking at him. His hazel eyes are sparkling and there is a smug grin on his lips. “I could get used to this.”  Gen turns and kisses him just as passionately as we had just kissed and I hear Jared groan, knowing he is tasting the remnants of my release. 
Ok, so maybe this wasn’t something they regretted. This was what they both wanted and still want and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want it too. Maybe I had been the first opportunity they’d come across when they decided to have a threesome but I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. I would gladly take whatever they wanted to give. 
And from the sounds and sights coming from the bed beside me, I was about to have another out of this world sexual escapade with two of the hottest people on the planet. 
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I’m sitting in the kitchen at the bar in my panties and a t-shirt Gen gave me drinking a cup of coffee and watching Jared move about the kitchen, cooking eggs and making toast.
A pair of slender arms wrap around me from behind, startling me. “Morning baby,” Gen purrs as she kisses my shoulder.
I tense up afraid of getting caught if one of their kids walk in. “Uh, where’re the kids?”
“It’s Wednesday. They always have a playdate with the Ackles kids on Wednesday,” Gen says as she comes around and sits beside me. “We’re good. Francine took them over and will bring them back this afternoon.”
“Oh. Okay,” I say hesitantly. I’m relieved that I don’t have to worry about being found out but I’m also nervous because the three of us are alone in the house. What exactly did they have planned? 
“It’s okay sweetheart,” Jared says as he sits two plates of eggs, toast and jam in front of his wife and myself. “We all need to talk anyway. And the kids do not need to hear what we have to discuss.”
Well, there goes my good feeling down the drain. Now is when they are going to drop the bomb; tell me that it was all fun and games but they’ve satisfied their curiosity and I’m on my own. God, how can I be so dumb. What made me think that two celebrities would want me to stick around?
I push the food around on my plate as I try to come up with a way to take the blow and leave with my head held high.
“Jared Tristan,” Gen admonishes. “Look what you’ve done. You went and made her feel bad. Honey,” she says as she places a hand on mine. “It’s not bad; what we want to talk about. I promise.” She leans over and places a chaste kiss to my lips. “Now eat up so we can get to it. I think you might need your energy if I’m reading this situation correctly.”
I try my best to eat as much of the food as I can with my stomach still in knots and my anxiety level through the roof. Gen clears her plate and then looks at me, silently asking if I’m finished. I nod and clear my throat. “Yes, thank you.”  
Jared grabs my hand and pulls me off the stool, dragging me toward the living room once again. Last night, this is the same exact place that they propositioned me and invited me into their bed. Now, here we are again, apparently discussing something new.
I wait with bated breath as Gen makes her way into the room, carrying her and my coffee cups, sitting mine on the table in front of me.
“First off,” she begins as she turns to look at me, one leg under her bottom. “Did you enjoy it?”
“Wh-what?” I ask in shock. Was she actually asking if I enjoyed having sex with them?
“Did you have a good time? With us?”
“Duh,” I answer cringing at my snarkiness. “Yes, I enjoyed it and I had an amazing time. And I understand if this was a one-off; something you wanted out of your systems. I get it. And I promise not to speak a word of it to anyone.”
Jared chuckles and Gen throws her head back, laughing. “Oh honey. I don’t care about that. Hell, scream it from the rooftops for all I care. We want to know if you’d like to continue.”
To say I am floored is an understatement. They are actually asking if I want to keep having sex with them? Have I died and gone to Heaven?
“Really?” I gasp. I never in a million years would have ever thought this was what we needed to discuss.
“Yes, really,” Jared tells me from the armchair. “We understand if it is too much. We, uh-” he pauses to rub the back of his neck and chuckle. “-got a little enthusiastic last night. It’s usually not that acrobatic. But yea, we want to know if you want to keep this going.”
I nod as my brows furrow and I look down at my hands, my fingers fidgeting with the hem of Gen’s shirt. How can I answer without sounding too enthusiastic or overly eager?
“Sweetie?” Gen asks, leaning down to look into my eyes. “Are you okay? Is it too much?” 
The worry in her voice is what gets me. Is she actually afraid I am going to turn them down? But I have to know something first.
“Can I ask a question?”
“Sure.”
“Why me? I mean, was I just the first girl you came across once you decided to have a threesome?”
Gen and Jared both chuckle. “No baby,” Gen assures me. “This isn’t our first time doing this. We’ve had threesomes before. We, uh- should we tell her Jare?”
“She’ll find out eventually,” he answers his wife. “Go on.”
“We had a relationship with Jared’s co-star Jensen for a few months. It went really well but then we decided to end it, amicably before we all got married. He was dating Danneel but she was living in LA while he was up in Vancouver with us. And well, we fucked. Not Jare and Jen, they just uh, shared me. Although they did get close to kissing once in a competition to see who could get me off first by eating me out simultaneously.” She ends with a laugh and I look over to see Jared blushing.
“Now, that...that cannot and should not be repeated,” he says, clearing his throat. “We just got too close and our tongues touched that’s all.” He explained my unanswered inquiry.
“So, this isn’t your first time having a threesome with another guy?” I ask. “But is it a first with another girl?”
“Yes,” they both answer resolutely. “You are our first female conquest.” Gen finishes before she laces her fingers with mine. “When I saw you yesterday at Y/E/E, I liked you immediately. Even though I could tell you knew who we were you kept it professional and when I asked Jared what he thought about you, I could tell by the way he looked at you he wanted you. We both did. That’s why I left my number. Figured it’d be safer to leave mine than his in case someone else found the note.”
“It’s in my car,” I smiled at her. “I wasn’t about to throw it away.”
“See, you knew. You might have not realized you knew, but you knew me leaving you my number was a big risk.”
“So?” Jared asks as both Gen and I turn to look at him. “Is this something you can see continuing?”
“Absolutely!” I answer confidently and certain. “I will be the third wheel for you guys.”
“Oh honey, in this relationship, we are all equals,” Gen says as she smoothes her hand over my hair. “Now, let’s talk about the rules.”
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The 'rules' as I soon discover aren't really rules at all. Mostly we discuss what kind of things are turn-ons and what are turn-offs. 
I find out that Gen loves oral, receiving and giving,  whether it be male or female. She requests to be called Mama in the bedroom and is unopposed to anal play.
Jared's turn-ons include oral as well, he loves to maintain dominance over his lovers and inquired as to whether I am opposed to that aspect. I tell him an unwaveringly no. I will submit and comply with his control. 
When asked what I prefer, I shrug my shoulders. I'd never given it much thought. Sure, I'd had partners before; I wasn't a virgin by any means but to actually sit and think and come up with stuff I liked and didn't like was new to me. 
"Okay," Gen says, aware of my discomfort. "Well, we know you like oral, both giving and receiving it. And you like fucking, we are very well aware of that." She continues with a smile. "Are there any positions you're more fond of than others?"
"Uh, I like doggy style," I say, feeling my cheeks heat up. Good god, I've had sex with these people and I'm getting embarrassed!
"Hey now. None of that," Gen coos. "This is a judgment free zone."
I nod, feeling more confident. "I like it when, uh...when you pulled my hair while I was eating you out. And," I turn to look at Jared. "I liked when you spanked her while fucking into her. That was hot, but not like you know,  hard or a lot of smacks but...yea."
He smiles at me and nods. "Good to know kitten."
"Anything else?" Gen presses.
"Uh, nothing I can think of right now. No, but permission to revisit this if I do think of something?"
"Of course sweetie."
"One last thing," Jared announces and I turn to look at him. "Move in with us?"
When the kids come in later with their nanny, they stop in their tracks when they see me sitting on the couch with their parents, platonically of course.
The two older ones, Tom and Shep,  recognize me and ask their mom why the lady from the restaurant is here while the little girl, Odette, climbs onto Jared's lap and burrows into his chest, peeking out and glancing at me.
"This is our friend. Her name is Y/N and she's going to be staying with us," Gen eases the information to the boys. 
The middle child, Shep, is the first one to speak. "Does she like dinosaurs?"
Gen looks at me with joy and laughter in her eyes. I smile and tell Shep, "Dinosaurs are magnificent! My favorite is the pterodactyl.  What's yours?"
The discussion between the boys and I quickly turns to which dinosaur would win if they were all in a battle to which dinosaur could survive if they were to come back alive and be in the world as it is today.
Odette finally warms up and makes her way to my side,  telling me that Mommy dinosaurs have to wear makeup while Daddy dinosaurs go to work.
I had been terrified of how the kids would accept the fact that I was going to be living with them but I had nothing to worry about. 
Kids are resilient though. They can adapt and adjust to just about anything. The three Padalecki kids have no problem knowing there is a new person living in their home but I also know the real talk is going to come after dinner and after Francine leaves for the evening.
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Gen and I work together that night, getting the dinner dishes cleaned off and stacked in the dishwasher. Every so often, Gen would glance around and then pull me into a kiss, keeping it mostly innocent and chaste. The only thing not innocent is when her hands would roam and grab a boob or my ass or one time she ran her hand down my crotch, pressing on my clit. 
Once the kitchen is cleared, the two of us join Jared and the kids in their playroom where we decide to tell them what is actually going on.
Tom and Shep were sitting on the floor playing with toy cars, making engine noises while Odette sat on her dad's lap, coloring. 
"Guys," Gen speaks, getting the boys' attention. "Can you come over here for a moment. Family meeting."
Tom and Shep get up and walk to the table and stand, looking between the three adults in the room.
"Okay, you know how we have taught you all that honesty is always best? And that lying will only get you into more trouble?"
"Yes ma'am," they say in unison.
"Okay. Well your dad and I are going to be honest with you. Y/N is not only our friend, she is our girlfriend. We like her like we like each other; like Unkie Jensen likes Auntie D. And she likes us.
"You will see us-both of us- hug Y/N and kiss her just like we do each other. If you have a bad dream at night and come to our room she is going to be in bed with us. But we will always, always make room for you.  You three are our littlest loves and there isn't anything in this world we wouldn't do for you.
"Also, Y/N is the boss as much as your dad and I are so whatever she says goes. If she tells you it's time for bed you don't try to haggle your way out of it. If she tells you you've had enough candy, you listen. She is the adult, you are not. You understand?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Okay. Do you have any questions?"
They shake their heads no and Gen smiles as she reaches out to ruffle Shep's hair and then Tom's.
"You can go play for another hour and then it's time for baths and bed."
The boys go back to their spots and continue their game.
"Well that went better than I was expecting," I say with a laugh.
"Our boys are smart," Jared says with an air of pride. 
Odette looks up at him with a scoff, which causes both Gen and I to laugh.
"You're smart too lil O," he tells her before placing a kiss on her temple. 
When it's time for baths, Tom asks that I help him so I follow him to his room where he picks out a set of pajamas and underwear. We walk down the hall to the bath and he undresses as I begin filling the tub.
"Y/N?" Tom says as he washes his hair. 
"Yea?"
"Do you love us?"
"What do you mean?" I ask, trying to keep my voice even. This was not a question I was expecting from a 7 year old.
"Mommy said that you like them like they like each other. And I know mommy and daddy love each other and they love us just like Unkie Jen loves Auntie D and JJ and Arry and Zeppy. So do you love us too?"
I'm not sure how to answer his inquiry. Do I love him and his siblings? Sure, what's not to love about three of the best behaved kids I have ever encountered. 
They took their Mom's news in stride, like it was no big deal that both their parents had a girlfriend, like it was normal.
"Yes, Tom. I love you and Shep and lil O. How could I not? You three are awesome," I laugh trying to break the tension. "Plus we can talk about dinosaurs without people giving us weird looks."
"Do you love Mommy and Daddy too?"
Well, there it is. The one question I was hoping to avoid because I didn't have an answer.  I don't know the answer.
Do I love Jared and Genevieve? I know I've lusted after them both for years and the three of us have had the most remarkable, memorable sex of my existence, but love? Wasn't it too soon?
"I think it is time to finish your bath before you turn wrinkly like a raisin," I tell him instead. 
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It is only a few weeks later that those three words are shared between us. 
As we are readying for bed, Gen and I doing a skincare routine in front of the bathroom mirror Jared waltz in and lifts the toilet seat, not caring to relieve himself while we are in the room.
After he finishes and he rights himself, he wiggles between us to wash his hands. We both laugh at his antics and while drying his hands he kisses Gen,  telling her he loves her  and then turns to kiss me.
"I love you too," he whispers against my lips and my eyes widen at his proclamation.
The whole world stills, the Earth quits spinning and the air stops flowing as he presses his lips to mine again.
"Y/N?" Gen calls to me and everything begins moving again. "Are you okay sweetie?"
"Uh." That's the only thing I can utter. Jared just told me he loves me.  He just dropped those three precious words like it was nothing. 
"Do you not love me? Us?" Jared asks as he pulls away and looks down at me. 
My eyes well up with tears and I can't stop my body shaking if I wanted to. 
"Yes," I answer with a laugh. "I love you so much!"
Jared wraps me up in a kiss again, deepening it as he bends me backwards.  We pull away with smiles.  
"I love you. I love you. I love you," I say repeatedly.
"I love you Y/N," Gen proclaims as she pulls me into a hug before kissing me senseless.
That night we don't fuck. The three of us make love to one another, proclaiming our love and devotion to one another over and over until we each find our climaxes together, as one. 
On Friday we decide it is time to visit the Family Business Brewery to stock up on some more beer since the supply at home is getting low.
I'm nervous as hell as today I get to meet Jared and Gen's best friends and former lover. Jensen and Daneel and the kids have been away, up in the north visiting family and now they are back and the plan is to hang out at FBB to let the kids play on their playground. 
The Ackles know that Jared and Gen have someone they want them to meet but as I find out on the way there,  they have no idea just what I am to the Padalecki's. They just think it's a new friend.
As we pull up, the parking lot is half-full with vehicles and people milling about ready to go inside and sample some the craft beer that is brewed onsite.
I look toward the building and immediately can make out Jensen's silhouette. Probably because of the crowd that has amassed around him. Being one of the main characters on the country's hit sci-fi show and part owner of this place drew a bigger crowd to the brewery than the alcohol did apparently. 
I notice that over half of the guests have some type of Supernatural paraphernalia,  be it a t-shirt, a purse, or just a photo or something they hoped to get autographed.
The crowd finally disperses and Jensen finally makes his way to us, a smile on his face and a beer glass in his hand. 
"Hey guys. Glad you could make it. Dee is inside helping Gino run the bar since we are down a person," he explains and then his eyes narrow in on me. "Hello. I'm Jensen."
"Y/N," I say with a nod.
"Jay, this is our girlfriend." Gen tells him and I watch for his reaction. He is one hell of an actor because other than a quick widening of his green eyes, he fixes his face into one of nonchalance. 
"So, you're still…..doing that?" he asks lowly before taking a drink of his beer.
"We hadn't for a while," Jared speaks up. "Since you but yea, we now share a girlfriend."
"Nice," Jensen smiles but I can tell it's not a happy-for-you one; it's more forced, more strained.
Daneel finally comes out to join us and Gen introduces me much the same way she announced me to Jensen. 
"Oh wow!" Daneel exclaims.  "I, uh, didn't know you two were into that sort of thing."
So apparently she had no idea that a few years ago, Jensen had been in my position.  Good to know as now I can be  more aware of what to say and what to keep to myself.
The day is nice in the grove where the brewery is located. The heat from the sun is abated by the gentle breeze that flows through the trees. 
Jared and Jensen, and sometimes Gen get pulled away a few times by excited fans asking for pictures of just to chat, leaving Daneel and I watching the kids.
I can tell she is dying to ask questions so once there is no one close by, I turn to her and tell her. "You can ask."
"Oh thank god! It's been killing me. How does it work? Do you all sleep together? Have sex together?"
I smile at her questions. And with living with the Padalecki's I have come to also believe the truth is better than lying philosophy.
"We love one another and we work together raising the three most amazing kids I've ever met. Well, until now; the Ackles kids are pretty fantastic." I pause to smile at her. "Yes, we share a bed each night. Sometimes I'm in the middle, sometimes Gen. It just depends on who needs the assurance and safety net the most. 
"And yes we have sex together. As with the sleeping arrangement, we take turns on who is between the other two. Sometimes Jared fucks Gen while she eats me out and sometimes I eat her out while being whaled on by the big moose."
Daneel throws her hands up and shakes her head. "Okay. Okay. I'm sorry I asked. That was a visual I did not need. And now it's stuck in my head."
She storms off and I can't help but laugh at her reaction. I mean, she asked after all. I just hope I didn't ruin her friendship with my lovers. 
Later that night, when I tell Jared and Gen about it they laugh and assure me that it's nothing Daneel won't get over; that she just probably will never ask me anything ever again. 
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Over the next few months, I learn just how close the Padalecki's and the Ackles' are as we tend to spend every holiday together and attend each other's kid's birthday parties.
Daneel continues to be cordial to me but doesn't inquire any further into my relationship with Gen and Jared. 
That may also be because after paparazzi got a photo of Gen and I at the store holding hands and ran with the story that Gen and Jared were obviously on the splits, the three of us sat down to an interview with People magazine and told the world that the Padalecki's marriage and relationship was still going strong and made it known that they were also in a relationship with me.
After that, the buzz of it all settled down and everything went back to semi-normal. There would be some gossip on the internet about us or we'd received unmarked mail containing threats of damnation but, with the help of my girlfriend and boyfriend, I learned to let it all slide.
People would always have their opinions. I just had to get used to them being different than my own. The world wasn't going to stop turning just because I was in a relationship with a married couple. 
A year to the day that Jared and Gen had entered my life when they visited Y/E/E found us all in the kitchen; Jared and Gen sitting at the counter while I cooked us an anniversary dinner.
"Can you believe it's been a year?" Gen says as I pull the roasted chicken from the oven. "One year since we decided to go out to eat and run into the most beautiful human we've ever seen."
"A year since you left your number on a piece of paper before we left and waited patiently for her to call," Jared continues. "One whole year of the most magnificent mind-blowing sex of my life!"
"A year since I thought you leaving your number was a prank or a mistake but texted it anyway. A year of….hell, the best year of my existence, " I tell them as I plate up the chicken, pasta and asparagus before turning and placing their plates in front of them.
"I love you both so much."
"We love you equally," Gen says before we set about eating the dinner I cooked. 
The kids were staying over at the Ackles' so we had the house to ourselves.
Jared cleared the kitchen after dinner and dessert while Gen and I went up to the bedroom to get ready in our matching lingerie that we purchased special for the occasion. 
"Jared is going to flip when he sees us," Gen says as she comes up behind me in the mirror. "Fuck, are we lucky. Sweetie you are absolutely gorgeous.  I can't wait to pull this off of you," she says kisses my shoulder, grazing her teeth across my skin. "With my teeth."
I shudder at the thought and reach back tangling my hand in her hair, kissing her passionately. 
"Same goes for you darling," I tell her as we hear Jared coming up the stairs.
Gen and I rush to get on the bed, laying back in nothing but lace and silk waiting for Jared to enter the bedroom.
"Fuck. Me!" he exclaims as he walks in and sees us. "God damn, baby girls, you're going to give this ole man a heart attack," he says, removing his shirt and unbuttoning his jeans. 
As we both promised, we put a show on for Jared; disrobing one another with nothing but our teeth and lips. 
Gen finally squirts after I bury my face in her sweet cunt, licking all around with my fingers knuckle deep inside her. Her breathing is labored as I pull away, leaving my fingers wiggling inside and turn my head to kiss Jared.
He groans as the tang of her juices mixed with my taste floods his mouth and I begin fingering Gen again, feeling her walls fluttering and quivering around them. 
"You like that Mama?" I ask as I pull away from my boyfriend. "You want more? I can recreate our first night."
"Fuck yes!" Gen screams. "Fist me baby."
I curl my fingers down and work my closed fist into her sopping wet pussy easily, twisting my wrist as she writhes above me. I lean down and suck her clit between my lips, flicking the nub with my tongue. 
"Shit! I'm going to cum again," she pants and I take my fingers and press against her sweet spot. Her thighs clamp around my head as she climaxes. 
Jared walks around behind me and I feel the swath of his tongue lick from my clit to my entrance and up to my ass. It isn't the first time he's ate me like that and it is erotic and obscene and I love it.
When Jared's tip notches at my opening, I wiggle my hips and he slaps his palm down on my asscheek. I moan as I lay my forehead against Gen's leg. Jared spanks me once more before he slams into me, burying his whole length in one thrust. 
"Oh fuck! Yes!" I yell out as he begins a pounding pace. His hands gripping my hips tight enough to leave bruises.
Gen finally recuperates enough to join in, kissing me senseless and whispering not-so-sweet nothings in my ear.
"Jared is fucking you real good ain't he? You're taking all that cock. You gonna let him put a baby in you? Yea you are, aren't ya? Get all big and round with a Padalecki growing in you. You want that? You want Jared to cum deep inside and impregnate you?"
"Uh huh," is all I can muster as Jared keeps pounding into me from behind, his balls bouncing up to slap my clit.
"Jared, put a baby in our baby girl. Fill her little pussy up."
"Yes Daddy. Please," I say, finally getting my voice.  "Please daddy put your baby in me."
"Oh god. Yea, I can do that. I can definitely do that."
"Mama?" I call out to Gen who lays down to meet my eyes.  "Are you sure? This is what you want?"
"Yes baby. I want to watch you grow our baby inside you. I love you sweet girl. And I know you'll be the best mom, you already are to Tom, Shep and O."
She smiles before capturing my lips with hers, wrapping her hand in my hair and tugging, making me whimper and whine.
Jared stills behind me as I feel his dick throbbing and spurting, filling me with his cum and hopefully getting me pregnant. It seems to go on and on before he finally slumps and pulls out of me, only to prod his softened dick back inside and thrusts, making sure the release goes where it needs.
If we made a baby together tonight or not,  I know these two beautiful people, my lovers, will be here with me through the celebration or if need be, the act of trying until we succeed. 
Six weeks later, I find myself peeing on a stick. I haven't told anyone but my period is about 8 days late and I've always been regular. 
I wait for the timer to go off on my phone, staring at the test laying facedown on the sink. Am I pregnant? Am I just late? But then if that's the case, why am I late? 
The device dings and I hesitantly reach for the test, turning it over to find out the result.
As I walk down the stairs, I hear my family in the front room laughing and just being goofy, none of them aware of what I hold in my hand. The small thin piece of plastic that is going to change everything. 
I stand at the doorway and just watch the five of them. I love them all so much and am grateful that they are now a part of my life. The kids accepted me and made me feel welcomed and loved from the very beginning and now they sometimes call me Mommy Y/N. It warms my soul when they utter those words. 
Jared and Genevieve. I never thought I could find a love like I have with them. It is an all-consuming love. They are so kind, caring and generous. The three of us are in love and we are about to bring another life into the mix. 
“Hey guys,” I call out getting their attention. Shep runs and wraps his arms around my waist and lays his head on my stomach, like he knows his new little brother or sister is growing inside me. But that can’t be, I haven’t said a word to anyone much less the kids.
I ruffle his hair and he looks up at me with a smile. “Why don’t you go sit on the sofa with your parents?” I request. “I have something to tell you all.”
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“We’re having a baby,” I announce, not wanting to drag this out. I am happy, ecstatic even and I am hoping, ok I’m pretty sure this news will be accepted with joy. 
“What?” Gen exclaims, a smile blossoming on her face. “Really?”
“Yea,” I answer as I hold up the pregnancy test with the two bold blue lines. “I’m pregnant.”
Gen gently lifts O off her lap and jumps up, rushing to hug me and pulling me into a kiss. We’ve never hidden our relationship from the kids so to see their Mom and I kissing is no big deal to them.
When she pulls away, Gen looks at me with tears in her eyes. "We're having a baby?"
"Yea we are," I tell her, my own tears making themselves known. 
Suddenly Jared is pulling us both into his chest, his long strong arms holding us close.
"Where's the baby?" O asks as she looks around and in the floor. "I wann' see it."
We laugh as we break apart, going to join them on the sofa. 
I pull O onto my lap while Gen holds Shep and Tom is propped on his Dad's knee.
"The baby isn't born yet," I explain to my daughter. "He or she has to get big enough before it can come live with us. Right now, it's just a tiny little bean."
"I wann' see it," she repeats and I chuckle as I maneuver her around to straddle my thighs. I lift my shirt, exposing my stomach and take her hand to place under my belly button. "The baby is in here,  nice and warm and growing.”
Lil O’s eyebrows fuse together as she stares at the place her hand is and then she says, “Can I play with her when she gets here?”
I laugh and hear Gen and Jared chuckle.
“Of course you can sweetie,” I tell her. “But maybe not when she first gets here, she’ll be itty bitty.”
“She?” Jared says and I look at him. He practically has stars in his eyes with glee. 
“Well O called it a she so I just ran with it. Who knows, it could be a boy,” I say with a shrug. 
“I want a tyrannasaurus,” Shep declares. 
“Geez buddy,” I laugh as I look down at him. “You want me to explode? The baby is in my belly and you want it to be a dinosaur?”
“No, I wasn’t thinking about that,” Shep says, his voice remorseful.
“Hey Sheppy? It’s okay. I was just joking with you.”
“Okay,” he says as he reaches over and puts his hand on my stomach beside his sister’s. 
Before I know it I have three little palms against my skin, along with a slightly bigger one and a huge one over top of all of them; my family silently welcoming and loving on the new addition.
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By the time Tom’s birthday comes around, I am huge! Gen had warned me that Padalecki’s were big babies but this is outrageous. I can't see my feet at all and need help to get out of bed every morning. This little one is making my life miserable but I know in the end, it will all be worth it.
We had decided against finding out the gender, mainly because I was still leery about how correct those results could be. So the five of us have begun referring to the bump as Baby P. And right now Baby P was kicking my kidneys and punching my liver. 
I still have almost a month before my due date of April 11 and it seems as if time is slowing down. Every day is a hurdle to get through, with being 8 months pregnant and still trying to help out around the house and do my chores, though both Gen and Jared have fussed at me for doing too much. But I’m pregnant, not disabled.
We’ve planned a barbeque party for Tom’s birthday and invited most of his friends from school, plus the Ackles and the Morgan’s and a few others from Jared’s time on the show. Both sets of grandparents are going to be here also, so it would definitely be a full house.
I am upstairs in the bedroom, trying to slide my sandals on but having trouble since I can’t see anything. Jared walks in while I huff and try again, only to push the shoe farther away.
“Hey baby,” he says gently. “Let me help you.”
“This is ridiculous,” I whine as he lifts my leg and slides the leather onto my foot. “I can’t do anything but waddle around, running into things and just getting in the way. I’m an annoyance to everyone. Maybe I should just stay up here.”
“You hush that right now,” he admonishes me, standing up to tower over me.  “You do not annoy anyone. You do not get in the way at all. You are pregnant, carrying my baby. You’re beautiful, baby girl. I love watching you, knowing that’s my child inside you; a life we created out of our love.” He tugs a stray hair behind my ear and tilts my chin up. “I love you. Gen loves you. Tom, Shep and O love you. We all love you and we love this baby. So get over yourself and get that cute little ass downstairs to celebrate our son’s birthday.”
“Cute and little is not how I would refer to my ass,” I retort with a smile. “I look like a Kardashian.”
“Mmhmm,” Jared mumbles as he leans down to kiss me. “More to spank.”
I chuckle as I tiptoe to kiss him and then turn to head downstairs to join my family and greet our guests.
The party is in full swing as most of the adults sit in lounge chairs, talking and catching up while Jared and Jensen man the grill and the ladies are in the kitchen gathering up the condiments and sides.
I have been commanded to stay in my seat and ask for anything I need. Jared went as far as to tell me if he saw me on my feet, he would spank me in front of everyone. And as much as I love him spanking me, that was something that no one else needed to see so I kept my promise, only asking that he give me a bottle of water for my stay.
Everyone seems to be having a good time; the kids are enjoying the gigantic bounce house that we rented and sat up in the backyard, the adults congregate on the patio talking and laughing and waiting for food.
I look around with a blissful heart at the family and friends I have acquired since becoming Jared and Gen’s lover. No one seems to bat an eye anymore about our relationship and took it at face value and that made me very happy. Sure, there were a few things still being said on the internet but those people don’t matter to me. What matters to me is the ones here today, celebrating our son’s birthday. 
A pain shoots through my body but as soon as it appears, it disappears so I think nothing of it and go back to watching Tom, Shep, JJ, and a few of their friends from school run around the yard playing tag. It’s a good day.
That good day turns when later that evening while the ones of us that are still lounging around, mostly family, my water breaks. Gerald and Sherri, Jared’s parents, stay at the house with the kids as Gen, Jared and I rush to the hospital.
In the early morning hours of March 18, we welcome Delaney Grace Padalecki, a whopping 9 pound 12 ounce baby girl. 
I thought I knew what love was, what love is but until I looked into my daughter’s eyes, I had had no idea. 
Love is infinite. Love is encompassing. Love is the glue that cements us all together. And I have found that with Gen and Jared and their-our-kids and now with Delaney. There is no way my life could be any richer. A once in a lifetime encounter gave me love and a family. 
THE END
@lostinaseaoffictionalbliss​ @spnbaby-67​ @tftumblin​ @sea040561​ @delightfullykrispypeach​ @larajadeschmidt13​ @atc74​ @vicariouslythruspn​ @squirrelnotsam​ @death-unbecomes-you​ @sandlee44​ @blacktithe7​ @hoboal87​ @mogaruke​ @deanwanddamons​ @supraveng​ @deandreamernp​
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needleandhammer · 3 years ago
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Y'all, I just watched Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings and this is a gonna be a spoiler-filled post of what I loved and what I wish we could get more of in the future or thru internet interviews or just anything pls. I write this as I listen to the Shang Chi soundtrack .😭
right away tho my first impression is that I love all the separate elements of the film; however, the storytelling felt choppy.
[film spoilers below!]
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- Speaking of soundtrack, it's one of the best mcu soundtracks out there, so much fcking heart in the main Xu Shang Chi track is2g just hearing it play gave me that thrilled feeling in my chest and then to hear it as Shang Chi and Xialing prepare to take down those soul suckers, 🙌
- OMG I know all of you have read at least once that the choreography was amazing but you'll hear it from me again because that shit had me drooling sitting in theatre wishing I could rewind and rewatch each fight scene over and over!
- Like, that bamboo forest fight between Momma Ying Li and Pops Wen Wu was a literal dance.
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- Wen Wu and Ying Li's love story is the ultimate reformed villain love story (pre-Ying Li's death).
- Ying Li was SUCH A BADASS. Wen Wu initially wanted to add her mythical village to his list of conquests and instead she said, bitch pls . And she looked beautiful while kicking his ass. 😍
- And I swear to high hell people need to film their fight scenes with better lighting 😤 SCATLOTTR wasn't terrible in this aspect but I still felt deprived when it came to the scaffolding fight scene
- Katy's "I love how you all know exactly what you want to do and spend your whole life getting real good at it..." ::i felt attacked and understood::
- I kind of love that dig at Katy and Shaun about how they're aimlessly living life instead of putting their talents to use. It acknowledges the anxiety and growing pains of folks like myself, unsure of where exactly I'm going and afraid to find out, heh
- I appreciate that the antagonism between Shang Chi and Xialing didn't last long. They united pretty quickly once they heard that Pops had lost his marbles.
- I fucking love Asian water dragons. Thanks for doing me a solid here.
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- never have i found bracelets so sexy on a guy's arms.
- Xialing has the heart of the dragon. gawt I love her.
- dragon vs mega soul sucker ::simping::
- Chinese mythical creatures existing on a parallel plane as ours, such a simple concept yet so powerful TT-TT
- Shang Chi and various leading characters speaking their mother language throughout the movie 💖
Now, here are all the things I want to know: how did 14 yo Shang Chi fake his identity; when did he meet Katy; what was his cover story, like did he just say he's an orphan?? How come he never checked up on Xialing bc that was cold; how many of the Ten Rings minions did Xialing beat up while she trained herself; who was Xialing's first kiss like I want to know everything about this wildly intense young woman who founded an underground fight ring??? do the kids plan to visit Ta Lo annually for special holidays? how tf did Trevor learn the language of the faceless winged puppies?
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your-nerd-is-showing · 4 years ago
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To Tame A Wild Heart
Combined fanfic with @mguqiis WC 5.3K 13 pages long! This will be a complete fanfic I have 3 different ones I will be posting here.
Satoru Gojo the college campus hottie, his reputation of him getting around proceeds him. Every girl wants a piece of him and many have gotten a piece already. Then one day you transfer into one of his classes and he sets his eyes on you. He wants you but you’re unobtainable, that drives him crazy making him want you even more. No one ever, ever says no to Satoru Gojo. Every single one of your friends warned you about him but you didn’t listen…. You thought you were special to him and could tame him…. Maybe you can….
Chapter one: Welcome to Freshman Year
It was the third week of school and you were able to finally transfer into Advanced Placement Writing for your major. You made your way into the classroom and went all the way to the top away from everyone. To your classmates and friends you were (F/N) (L/N) but to the internet, you were known as Yoru-Chan famous smut writer of the series When a God Falls. You pulled out your laptop to work on your latest book, instantly getting sucked into your writing the world around you disappeared.
~Takara looked deeply into Fudo's endless ocean blue eyes as he pounded into her. “F-Fudo I m-missed you soooooo muchhhhh!” She moaned out as she slammed down on his cock hard.
“I missed you too my love.” He leaned up to kiss Takara deeply, she wildly attacked his lips as she entangled her fingers in his soft white hair.~
You faintly heard the bell ring, suddenly someone was tapping you on your shoulder bringing you back to reality. You looked up at a young man with white hair and the most beautiful blue eyes you had ever seen…. “No fucking way…. Fudo?” You mumbled to yourself as you got lost looking at him.
The young man just smiled at you. “Hello my name is Satoru Gojo.”
“Oh-oh hello my name is (F/N) (L/N). It’s nice to meet you Gojo.” You replied shyly.
“Please call me Satoru.” He smiled at you again. “So whatchya working on?”
“Oh! Its n-nothing just a story of mine.” You said dismissing the subject.
“I would love to hear about your story.” Gojo said as he leaned in closer to you.
“M-maybe another time….” You said shyly as your cheeks turned red.
“Okay class listen up!” Started the professor. “Today we are picking partners for your projects! By the end of the year I want an entire book written minimum of fifteen chapters!”
The class groaned in annoyance.
You were sitting on the edge of your seat very excited for this.
“Come on guys don’t give me that! This is going to be a fun assignment! Anything goes in your book!”
Your eyes widened in wonder. “A-anything?” You said to yourself.
Gojo looked at you. “Pssssst (Y/N).”
You glanced at him. “What is it Satoru?”
“Will you be my partner?” He flashed you a sexy smile.
You turned bright red. “Uh-uhhhh wh-why do you want to be m-my p-pa-partner?” You stammered.
Gojo took your hands in his. “Because I see how excited you are for this project and I want to be partnered with someone who has a passion like I do for writing.”
You took your coat, hat and glasses off revealing your beautiful body and captivating (E/C) eyes. You had a cute punk look going for you wearing a black skin tight shirt with holes cut in all the right places, cut up jeans with fishnets peeking out of the holes and combat boots.
“Damn little hottie has a body. Now that is something I would like a go at.” Gojo thought to himself as he looked you over his ocean orbs stopping on your big breasts.
“So what do you say?” He looked at you.
You tucked your long (H/C) hair behind your ears. “Uh-uhhh we-well.” Your eyes darted around and noticed a group of girls were coming your way. “What is he super popular or something? I mean he is absolutely gorgeous.” You thought to yourself. “Wait Satoru Gojo I have heard about him! He’s a Sophmore and I heard he gets around with the girls on campus…. What am I about to get myself into?...”
“Y-yes I will be your partner!” You said really loudly drawing attention to yourself.
Gojo smiled at you. “Wonderful!”
You and Gojo looked over at the group of girls, they looked like they wanted to kill you.
“AHEM!” The professor cleared his throat gaining the classes attention again. “As I was saying anything goes in your stories! You’re adults now I want to see you push your limits step out of your comfort zones! Write something gruesome! Write some smut I will allow it!”
Your eyes almost fell out of your head when the professor said that.
“Okay now go pair up and start discussing your books!”
Gojo turned to you. “I can see the wheels turning in your head (Y/N)-chan, what are you thinking about for our book?”
You tapped you chin. “Hmmmm.” You took out a notebook and a pen. “Well what kind of books do you like to read?”
“Oh! I love fantasy, folklore, sci-fi…. Hmmmmm oh!” Gojo motioned you to move closer to him. “My guilty pleasure is the web novel series When A God Falls by Yoru-Chan.”
Your eyes grew wide. “No way….” You mumbled.
Gojo's eyes lit up. “You know the series? Oh my God I am obsessed with Yoru-Chans writing it’s amazing! Plus Fudo reminds me a lot of myself.”
“That’s for sure you certainty have his charming personality and good looks.” You muttered to yourself.
“What was that?” Gojo asked.
“Oh nothing…. So I’m taking a wild guess you want smut in our story?” You said smugly.
He placed his hand on your leg. “I was hoping we could write from personal experience.” He looked at you his ocean blue orbs filled with lust.
You removed his hand from your thigh. “I don’t know what kind of girl you think I am but I don’t jump into some random guys bed that easily Satoru. Are you extremely attractive? Yes you are, but you’re going to have to try harder than that mister.” You stuck out your tongue revealing a piercing.
He raised his eyebrow. “So there is a chance?” He said smugly. “Then challenge accepted! I’m taking you out to dinner tonight!”
“W-wa-wait just a minute.” You said getting very flustered as you fiddled with your hands.
“What you don’t want to be taken out by the hottest guy in school?” He said smugly.
“I mean I do but this is moving all so quickly.”
He smiled at you again. “Baby girl I am Satoru Gojo I do not take things slow.” He placed his hand back on your thigh.
“Well I’m not the type to move fast, I have heard about you reputation Satoru you never get into a relationship with any girl and I am not looking for a random fling.” You said removing his hand yet again.
He grabbed your hand and leaned in close to you. “Like I said (Y/N) challenge accepted.” He winked at you. “Now do you have any other classes today?”
“No this is my last class.”
“Perfect! Do you have any plans this weekend?”
“N-no?” You stammered.
He smiled at you.
“What are you scheming Satoru?”
The bell rang for class to end, Gojo held out his hand for you to take, you did so.
“This weekend my dear you are mine.” He smirked at you. “Let’s go out for lunch then back to my apartment. Sound good to you?”
“O-okay that sounds good.” You packed up your bag, Gojo wrapped his arm around you making you freeze up. Your heart was trying to beat out of your chest.
Gojo took you out to a very nice sushi restaurant for lunch.
“Damnit why of all people Satoru is…. He is the spitting image of Fudo….. Literally the man of my dreams and he’s a player….” You thought to yourself letting out a frustrated sigh.
Gojo tightened his grip around your hand making you look up at him. “What are you thinking up in that beautiful mind of yours?”
You shook your head and laughed. “Boy you are so smooth, it’s laughable how hard you’re trying to get in my pants.” You patted his hand.
“When I set my eyes on someone I like I won’t give up until I make them mine.” He held your hand.
You rolled your eyes. “Oh so very charming. How many girls have you used that line on?” You said sarcastically. “Too bad I see right through you Satoru. Those sweet compliments and a sexy smile might work on every other girl… that just means they’re easy to get into bed. I am a much more complex woman who isn’t as easily swayed just by your good looks.”
He leaned in close to you. “So what do you want?”
“A-a love like Takara and Fudo.” You started.
“Ohhhhh so you do read the series!?” Gojo got all happy.
You blushed. “Y-yes I do read it.” You said shyly.
“Hm? There’s more to it isn’t there?”
A small huff left your lips, though the pink which scattered your delicate cheeks stayed. “There isn’t. You shouldn’t pry in others’ affairs.” You said defensively.
You let out a small sigh, thinking to yourself. “This is absolutely ridiculous. I’m ridiculous!” You had the urge to smack yourself at the nearest wall, but right now wasn’t the best time and place.
“There’s something off with how she suddenly reacted like that…” Gojo thought to himself.
“How about we just go to your apartment?”
“Aren’t you eager ‘Ms. I’m different from other girls!’?”
“Not particularly…” You turned your nose up.
“What?”
“I-It’s not what you think!” You said in a huff.
“What I think? Sweetcheeks, just what do you mean by that? How scandalous of you-“
“No! It’s not like that!” You backed up.
“I mean, why else would you go to a guy’s place?” Gojo moved closer to you.
“I said its not like that!”
“Keep it up and I’ll seriously continue to think you’re some closet pervert.”
“P-Please don’t!” You stammered as your face turned redder by the second.
“Her face is so red, can’t help but tease her.” Gojo thought to himself and chuckled.
---
You stepped into his apartment looking around surprised. “It’s so clean.” You said in amazement.
“I'm kinda offended by that (Y/N),” He replied sounding kind of hurt. “you make it sound like all I do is get it with girls!” He walked over and took your jacket.
“Isn’t that exactly what you do..?” You scoffed mumbling to yourself.
“Huh? Said somethin’?”
“N-Nothing! Nothing at all!”
He turned around and walked closer to you.
You backed up into a wall slightly intimidated by Gojo's God- like features.
He put his arm on the wall and looked deep into your eyes. “Now that we’re alone… Wanna tell me just what about that book got your panties in a twist?”
“W-What do you mean?” You shuddered averting your eyes from his gaze.
“You know exactly what I mean. Why else would you smile when I mentioned it? Or the way you just dismissed it when I asked about it? You’re definitely hiding something, (Y/N).”
“N-No I’m not! I…” You started getting defensive again trying to hide your nervousness.
He tilted your head up to look at him. “Yes you are (Y/N).” He leaned in closer to you. “Look at the way you’re acting right now.”
“Shit… he just looks so much like him. It’s just to hard to resist…” You Thought to yourself.
“Cat got your tongue? Should I help you fix that?”
“Fudo I-!”
“...Did you just call me ‘Fudo’?”
“Shit! Shit! Shit!” You thought to yourself.
“Why on earth did you call me ‘Fudo’? Don’t tell me you’re in love with the main character!?” He smirked at you getting an idea.
“Don’t be so shy love.” He gently grabbed your butt picking you up as he leaned into your neck.
Your skin was getting hotter by the second as Gojo pressed his body against yours. “F-fuck why is he doing this!? This is exactly like the first time Takara and Fudo met!” You thought to yourself your breathing getting heavier as Gojo pressed his soft lips against your neck.
“F-Fudo wh-what are you doing?” You wined out.
Gojo stopped and looked at you with his ocean orbs. “What ever do you mean Takara?” He leaned in close to your lips.
“F-fuck why are you doing this?” You shook your head coming back to your senses. “No Satoru please stop. This isn’t what I want.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? You were really getting into it (Y/N).”
“Getting into what?” You asked looking confused.
“Roleplaying? I’ve never tried it before but roleplaying this book would be a lot of fun and seeing as you look a lot like Takara who is totally hot-“
“Roleplaying? You mean like acting out different characters?”
“Uh yea? What did you think I-“
“I mean I did model Takara after myself….” You mumbled a bit too loud and Gojo heard you.
“Woah wait just a minute! What do you mean you ‘modeled Takara after yourself'?”
“Huh?” You looked at him. “Oh shit…. Ummmm.”
“Okay (Y/N)! Spit it out!” Gojo yelled as he tickle attacked you.
You flailed about. “Noooooo Satoruuuu stoppppp!” You wiggled in his grip as he tickled your sides, you started to laugh. “Hehehe Satoruuuuu!” You continued to flail trying to free yourself, you managed to knock Gojo over landing on top of him.
Gojo locked you in a bear hug. “Ha I caught you! You’re not getting away until you tell me what in the hell you’re talking about.” He came dangerously close to your lips. “Now tell me my dear (Y/N).”
“Uhhhhh.” You studdered becoming a hot mess in Gojo's arms.
Gojo looked deep into your eyes giving you the puppy dog stare pleading with you. “Pleaseeee?” He kissed your cheek.
“Damn you Satoru.” You let out a frustrated sigh. “I….. Am Yoru-Chan.”
His eyes widened in amazement. “No fucking way seriously!? You’re Yoru-Chan!?” He let go of you giving you a dumbfounded look.
“What!? Why is that so hard to believe? Do you want me to show you some of the new book?” You asked taking out your lap top.
“I just never expected the writer of a famous internet smut novel be a cute little punk girl…. And a Freshman in college at that! The way you write about sex and describe it is like how someone with year’s of experience would write…. My closet pervert theory is standing with you!” He laughed teasing you more.
A frustrated sigh left your lips as your cheeks flushed a deep red. “H-hey now! I am not a closet pervert! For your information I am still a virgin!” You yelled as those words spilled out of your mouth you realized what you just blurted.
Gojo looked at you wide eyed. “You're a virgin and you write like that!? Oh my God….” He took you in his arms. “well then why don’t you write from personal experience?”
“Hey cool it Fudo!” You growled pushing Gojo off of you.
He smirked. “You really did model Takara after you, shy but defensive personality. This is going to be fun! Okay I want to take you out to dinner and a club after. I’ll walk you to your dorm so you can get clothes for the weekend.”
“Uhhhhh I don’t know if that’s a good idea my roommate Utahime is not a fan of you at all…. She might get really pissed off.”
Gojo raised an eyebrow. “It’ll be fine! I insist a beautiful girl like you shouldn’t be walking around on your own.” He smiled at you and handed you your coat. “Plus you don’t know how to get back here from your dorm.”
“Okay you got me there.” You admitted as he helped you put your coat on.
Gojo opened the door and a girl was standing there. “Oh! Yuki what are you doing here?”
Yuki looked at you. “Uh Gojo we had a date today?”
“Oh.” Gojo laughed nervously. “Sorry Yuki I need to cancel I have an important project that’s most of my grade in AP Writing and (Y/N) is my partner.”
Yuki laughed. “So why not ditch the nerd and let her write it?” She gestured to you. “Then we can go out! You’ve never cared about school this much before or ever hung around a goth girl. Gojo what’s up with you?”
“Excuse me who are you calling a nerd and giving labels to?” You butted in. “How would you like it if I said you looked like an escort.” You said looking at Yuki who was wearing a skin tight leather dress with a plunging neckline.
“Well I would like to be escorting Gojo out on a date!” She said angrily not even getting what you just called her.
You looked at her dumbfounded. “Well I am sorry Yuki but he is working on a project with me and taking me out tonight. I'm sure you have plenty of other men you can go out with. Why not message one of them?”
“Why I ought to!”
Gojo locked the door behind him and walked away with you. “Oh! Yuki don’t bother messaging me ether, this young lady will be taking up most of my time now. Bye!” He wrapped his arm around you.
“That little whore just thinks she can come in and take my favorite man from me! Oh she has another thing coming!” Yuki stormed off in the other direction.
“I'll be taking up most of your time now? Really Satoru? I heard you never spend more than a week with the same girl.”
“Well maybe I’m trying something new.” He smiled at you. “Now which dorm is yours?”
You pointed to the left. “The freshman dorms are over there.” He took your hand in his walking with you to the dorms.
People were gawking at you as you walked hand in hand with Gojo.
“Tch look at the new arm ornament Gojo has this week.” A girl with blue hair scoffed. “Poor girl will learn soon enough that he is going to leave her just like he does to every other girl. Poor little naïve Freshman doesn’t know what’s coming! Haha!”
“Sa-Satoru I feel like I’m being put on display…. And I don’t like it at all. Everyone is staring at us!” You said becoming flustered.
“Shhhhh it’s okay (Y/N).” He wrapped his arm around you again and kissed the top of your head so everyone could see.
“I don’t know something seems different about him with that girl…. He would never wrap his arm around a girl or kiss their head like that.” Said one of the girls friends. “Pfft imagine someone like her catches the heart of Satoru Gojo its laughable!”
All of the girls laughed.
A beautiful tall blonde approached you and Gojo. “Hey Gojo what’s with the charity case?” She asked pointing at you.
“What the fuck!?” You growled. “Is there some sort of issue with who I am and how I dress!?”
“Calm down (Y/N) you’re beautiful just the way you are.” Gojo smiled at you completely ignoring the girl as he walked past her.
“B-but Satoru both girls who approached to talk to you made fun of how I dress….. Now I’m never one to be insecure about who I am however, the two girls looked like models compared to me…. I’m not the usual type of girl you go out with am I?”
“Hmmmmm now that you mention it no you’re not, but that doesn’t matter to me. Like I said (Y/N) when I girl catches my eye I don’t give up.”
“And what about a girl- Hey!” You yelled as someone pulled you away from Gojo. “Utahime what are you doing?”
“(Y/N) can I talk to you?” Utahime glared at Gojo as he followed. “Alone!” She stormed off with you.
“Wait at least let him in the building!” You pulled away from Utahime to let Gojo in. “I told you she didn’t like you.” You sighed. “I’m in room 345 on the third floor just meet me up there.” You said before Utahime pulled you away again.
--
“What was I doing here again?” You thought to yourself as you stared at your overnight bag trying to ignore Utahime.
“Seriously (Y/N)! You can’t just stay with Satoru Gojo! He’s bad news!” Shouted Utahime bringing you back to reality.
“How many times have you told me that..?” You rolled your eyes as you walked over to your closet to grab clothes. “Hmmmmm now what should I wear?” You asked yourself as you looked through your mostly black wardrobe. Your eyes fell on your beautiful purple corset dress. “That’s perfect for tonight! Hmmmmm now what else? Maybe I should start dressing more like Takara, Satoru would like that….”
“I’ll keep repeating myself if I have to, (Y/N)! Satoru Gojo is not to be trusted if you want your heart broken!” She said trying to convince you not to go. “Please be smart about this and take my advice! Don’t go!”
“We’re going to study.” You said as you packed up a couple of skirts and cute tops to go with them.
“Shut up, you’re sleeping over for the weekend!” She yelled as she took out your sexy night gown and thongs. “Look at yourself (Y/N) you were just saying that Gojo would like it if you dressed like the character of your book!? Wait does he know that you’re Yoru-Chan?”
“I’m going, Utahime. There’s nothing you can do about it.” You finished packing your bag.
“(Y/N)! I’m warning you! He is a player!”
“Yeah, yeah just text me if there’s an emergency, okay?” You patted her shoulder as you turned to leave.
“That’s if you’re not already on your knees for him!” She scoffed. “You better fucking answer.”
“H-Hey! That’s not funny!” You said getting flustered.
“Then don’t go!” Utahime pulled on your arm.
“But mooooom, it’s an assignment that’s most of my grade! I have to go!” You said sarcastically as you opened the door to leave.
“Did you just call me your ‘mom’?— hey! (Y/N)! Come back here!” Yelled Utahime as you snuck out. She followed you out into the hall and saw you walking away with Gojo, his arm wrapped around your waist. “Dumbass.”
“So, Yoru-chan.” Gojo started.
“P-Please don’t call me that in public Satoru….” You said shyly as your cheeks flushed pink.
“Hehe, can’t help it. Still need to process someone as beautiful as you wrote such interesting stories.” He pulled you into his arms.
“S-Satoru!” You squeaked as he gently groped your butt.
“Fiiiiiiine, I’ll stop!”
silence….
“Thank you for walking me to my dorm and back.” You smiled at him
“It’s the least I should do for my precious Takara.” Gojo said flashing you a sexy smirk.
“You said you’ll stop the teasing!” You said getting a bit defensive.
“Kinda lied.” He chuckled as he unlocked his door.
You rolled your eyes. “What have I done?” You mumbled.
“Hmmmm you caught the eye of hottest guy on campus, that’s what you’ve done!” He said happily.
“Yeah too bad this gorgeous man is total player!” You said getting upset. “You know just my luck the man of my dreams-“
“Wait I’m the man of your dreams?” He looked at you confused.
“Well Fudo was modeled after the man of my dreams and you’re the real life Fudo sooooooo….. Yeah you kinda are.”
“Well if I were to truly become the man of your dreams….” Gojo held you in his arms. “what would you want me to do? Other than the obvious cutting out every girl I have ever hooked up with.”
“Hmmmmm well lets go out tonight and I will tell you after! Wait are you seriously willing to change for me?” You looked at him astonished.
He sighed. “Well seeing as Takara is the woman of my dreams and I have found my real life Takara, yes I am!” He kissed your cheek.
“You do know it is going to take a lot of proving yourself for me to trust you Satoru.”
He kissed your nose. “Challenge still accepted beautiful! I’m not giving up on you (Y/N)!”
You sighed. “Well I guess I don’t have a choice now do I?” You laughed.
“Oh you’ve had plenty of chances to leave but you haven’t yet, so I think you want this just as much as I do (Y/N).” He leaned in close to your lips.
You started to get warm and very flustered.
“Am I wrong my dear?”
You gave him a kiss on his lips. “Is that enough of an answer for now? I’m still not sure myself….. But I do know I don’t want to leave….. I’m looking forward to this weekend.” You smiled at him.
He smiled back and he took out his phone as he sat on the couch. “And to start I’m deleting all my social media and making a new Facebook that you will have the password to!” Gojo said as he started to delete apps off his phone.
“Woah hold on Satoru are you sure? You’re making it sound like I’m your g-girlfriend…”
“Well don’t you want to be (Y/N)?” He asked as he pulled you into his lap. “Don’t you want to be the girl who tamed Satoru Gojo?”
“I-I mean yes I do…. But like I said you have to do a lot of convincing for me to say yes, you are off to a good start!” You replied as Gojo handed you his phone to set up his new Facebook. “Okay the password is TakaraFudo, annnnnnnd done! What photo do you want to use?”
“I was hoping I could take a photo with you?” He asked smiling at you.
“Um sure! Why don’t we take one all dressed up for our date tonight? I don’t look very photogenic right now.” You laughed.
“You are absolutely beautiful right now!” He replied as he wrapped his arms around you taking a cute photo of the two of you. “See?” He showed you the photo.
You looked at it. “Yes I know I am beautiful, but I want to look even better! Hey can you send me that photo please?”
“Sure what’s your number?”
“It's 080-5555-2567.” You glanced down to see Gojo put you in his phone as ‘My Beautiful Takara'. Your phone buzzed and you looked at the message with the photo ‘I’m putting this as my background on my phone <3 you are so beautiful!’ You smiled at the sweet message and put Gojo in your phone as ‘My Wonderful Fudo'.
“What am I doing….?” You thought to yourself.
“Would you care for a drink (Y/N)?” Gojo asked you.
“Do you have mango sake? That’s my favorite!”
“Uhhhhh, yes I think I do! I’ll be right back with that for us!” He got up and went to the kitchen.
“What am I getting myself into? God he really is so smooth I’ve barely known him a day and I’m already acting like a fangirl! Come on (Y/N) you’re better than this....” You sighed. “But he’s so handsome ugh, I need to get my head checked! Here I am saying I’m not like other girls but yet I agree to sleeping over his apartment for the weekend.”
“Ohhhh Takaraaaaaa! I mean (Y/NNNNN)! Sake is served!” Gojo said happily as he bounced in with the tray of sake.
You laughed. “Why thank you Satoru.” You cheered Gojo and took a shot of the sake. He poured you another shot.
“To us!” Gojo held out his cup.
“T-to us!” You cheered him again and downed the shot.
You and Gojo we’re going shot for shot, Gojo kept making up the dumbest things to toast to but he didn’t care he wanted to get you drunk so you would loosen up. About an hour passed by and you were feeling pretty good.
“F-Fudo.” You hiccuped. “I-I-I think I’m goooooood I’ve had tooooo mu-much to-to drink.” You said slurring your words.
“Hm? How drunk are you?” He asked leaning in close to you as Gojo wrapped you in his arms.
You let out a small nervous hiccup. “Drunkkkkk enough to doooooo this!” You wrapped your arms around Gojo's neck as you straddled him and kissed him passionately.
Gojo pulled you in closer deepening the kiss as he slipped his hand under your shirt.
You broke the kiss. “H-heyyy wh-what do you think you’re doing Fudo I-I mean Satoru?” You swatted his hand away “Behave! Just because I kissed you it doesn’t mean I’m giving in that easily….” You blushed. “I-I just really wanted to kiss you….”
He smiled at you. “Okay, okay I’ll behave…. For you.” He looked at you like he wanted another kiss.
You chuckled. “What do you wanna kiss me again-“
Gojo cut you off planting another kiss on your lips. He gently nibbled on your lower lip making you moan allowing entry. Instantly he invaded your mouth dancing with your tongue. He gently groped your butt making you moan again.
“Well she certainly is a horny drunk…. I wonder how far she will let me go?” Gojo thought to himself as he slipped is hand into your shirt again swiftly unhooking your bra, this time you didn’t stop him.
You broke the kiss. “Sa-Satoru you said you would behave!” You said giving him a disgruntled look.
“Heh, I lied.” He smirked at you. “Come on baby girl I can see how badly you want to give into your desires….. I see it in your eyes…. You’ve been fighting it all day....” He leaned into your neck gently kissing it. “You want me so badly right now.” He whispered teasing you.
“Sa-to-ru.” You wined out. “Yes I do want you!” You blurted out. “Fuck!” You held your hands over your mouth.
Gojo got all excited kissing you as he attempted to take off your shirt but you stopped him. “Wa-wait just a minute Satoru! I’m not done…. Yes I do want you, however I am not quite ready to give myself up that easily. So BEHAVE! Please?”
“But whyyyyyy?” He asked pleading with you.
“Have you forgotten I am a virgin? This is a big deal for me….. I always thought I would be giving it up to someone I was in love with, someone who I had been dating for a long time…. Never have I ever thought that I would be contemplating hooking up with a guy I just met…. God I really am easy!” You said getting frustrated.
“I don’t think your easy.” Gojo kissed your lips. “Not to sound bad…. Well this is gonna sound bad however I say it so I’m just gonna say it. The fastest I ever got with a girl was five minutes after I met her….”
You rolled your eyes. “Yeah your right that sounded horrible…. Man-whore.” You said teasing him.
“H-hey now…. No you’re right…. Anyways what I am trying to say is most girls I meet give themselves up within a few hours of meeting me… I’ve been with you almost the entire day and you’ve stopped every advance I have made on you, which is fine I’m enjoying this immensely. I have noticed you’re letting me push your boundaries further every time I make a move on you.”
“Y-yes I am letting you push my boundaries I’m starting to become comfortable with you…. I’m starting to trust you.”
“I feel special.” He smiled and tenderly kissed your lips. “I” He kissed you again. “Can't” and another kiss. “stop” and another. “kissing” yet another kiss. “you.” He kissed your lips five more times. “I just want to spend the whole night kissing and holding you.”
You snuggled into Gojo and looked at your phone. “Uh Satoru it’s almost 8 o'clock. Don’t we have dinner and a club to go out to?”
“Oh shit we do! I lost track of time looking at your beautiful face. Let’s go get ready! I hope you brought a dress because we are going out to a fancy restaurant.”
@sassyeahhhh @mguqiis @milktaro-inc
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ssvgawara · 4 years ago
Text
Haikyuu boys and some oddly specific crime they’d commit
a/n: I come back and the first thing I write is a shitpost!! enjoy </3 tw for drugs, murder, alcohol and general crime committing xoxo
Karasuno
Daichi- he’s a cop sorry that’s all there is to it man
Suga- Suga has multiple charges of 1st-degree murder against him but they can’t seem to find his identity so he continues committing murder and will continue until he gets caught or ends up murdering enough people to be put in a position of power
Asahi- everyone is probably like “Oh Asahi is innocent” NO. He has learned that his slightly scary face will let him get away with a lot, he is buying alcohol illegally because he looks old enough to, and he’s buying so much other shit and just getting away with it
Nishinoya- This man gives fucking pimp vibes I can just see him in the big leopard print fur coat with a pretty girl in his lap and he calls himself big poppa but no one else will
Tanaka- Drug dealer vibes, probably runs an entire fucking drug ring with his sister and not just a Lil weed these mfkas have the hard shit too like you could probably buy meth from them, he’s not using it but it’s good business
Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita- They literally rob a bank they have an entire scheme and get away with multiple bank robberies and this goes on for MONTHS
Kageyama- We know he’s volleyball smart but otherwise he’s so mfing stupid and I love him for it but he is a chronic shoplifter. Just picks something up and takes it, has walked out of a store without paying for an entire bed set once and got away with it somehow so idk props to him
Hinata- He is the little guy in any heist situation, he fits anywhere so he can sneak in and out the best, he gave himself the stupid ass code name tiny giant but everyone goes with it because somehow he is the best
Tsukishima- armed robbery, but he doesn’t have a gun just a knife like he’s tall and as an attitude, a knife will get him whatever he needs he doesn’t need the gun
Yamaguchi- He runs a catfishing scheme where he pretends to be a naive girl, scams old men out of their money, and then ghosts them and I think it’s what he deserves let him carry on especially because no one would believe it’s him. Also not really like a crime crime but still a crime in a way
Kiyoko- She kills men and I know it, Queen Kiyoko ending the patriarchy one shitty man at a time like she only kills men who deserve it bc some have rights.
Yachi- She’s too anxious to commit an in-person crime so she does a lot of cybercrime, hacking government databases and releasing info to the people, truly the anonymous we deserve
Saeko- She’s running that drug ring with Tanaka, and she loves it because there’s a thrill to it even though yknow she’s dealing literal meth but like its fine plus she loves rocking people’s shit when they get too handsy, which bring me to my next point underground MMA Saeko, like the illegal one with no rules yeah <3
Ukai- this man probably sells all kinda shit to minors that he shouldn’t he is so unbothered a 7-year-old could probably walk in ask for a pack of camels and get them and leave before he noticed what was going on.
Takeda- Did y’all see how scared Hinata was when Takeda gave him that lecture? This dude could kidnap someone and scare them into giving all the information he needed, a legend truly
Aoba Johsai
Oikawa- took steroids one time. And of course in sports, that’s not allowed. But he only did it once and regretted it for months afterward. Never told anyone and was just relieved he didn’t have to piss in a cup and have someone find out.
Matsukawa- Without hesitation, I know this man takes dead people’s bones and sells them on the internet. Has dubbed himself the bone man and he feels so much power when someone buys a femur or sumn. It’s kinda funny honestly he has a hoard of bones to sell, his fave is the pelvis.
Hanamaki- He’s in between jobs because he stole money from his last job, like he said he was sorry he just needed a little extra for gas but was sad to find out that’s a literal crime and he was laundering money.
Iwaizumi- he’s a street racer, like the fast and furious style and it’s so sexy of him like late-night races ugh to be in an expensive fast car with him where he has one hand on my thigh okay that’s enough of that.
Kunimi- Look me in the eye and tell me he does not do drugs. He does and if you don’t believe me you are wrong and I will fight you on this one. 
Kyotani- If there is a crime he will commit it for fun. Like he will do it with no hesitation. He has a record longer than twilight and I’m not sure how he is not in prison actually nvm he escaped and is  a wanted criminal lol
Shiritorizawa
Ushijima- Assault, he just reeks of getting into bar fights when he’s absolutely wasted. Like he most likely didn’t start it but he will be finishing it
Tendou- grave robbing, he just goes into the cemetery picked the oldest plots, and gets to digging. Has made thousands on dead people jewelry and probably won’t get caught, like besides the groundskeeper there’s no security he will never stop.
Semi- he breaks copyright laws on the daily. He’s sampling music in his all the time but he’s doing it so sneakily it’s fine its what deserves stream his band on Spotify right now,
Shirabu- His bangs are criminal enough. No, but he has stolen drugs from the hospital before he just wanted to try the Xanax, and yeah he could just write himself a prescription for it nut like it’s so easy to just go get some and no report it so that’s what he did.
Goshiki- y’all want me to say arson don’t you?? Fine. He commits arson multiple times and kills 7 people with fire before getting arrested and he doesn’t even feel bad so in prison he probably fucking runs a gang he is crazy.
Nekoma
Kuroo- he is a capitalist and class traitor and that’s crime enough I don’t care is he’s attractive or rich, He commits crimes daily by just existing but I still love him anyway.
Kai- Could not commit a crime he just wants to garden and live his life. Jk there’s at minimum one body in that garden let him kill a man he deserves it just let him have one dead body
Yaku- he keyed someone’s car once just because they pissed him off. Was it kuroo? Yes. But that’s fine because he also keyed Lev’s car but blamed lev for keying kuroo’s and Kuroo for keying Lev’s. He just wants to watch the world burn.
Kenma- cyberbullying but man he is mean. Like no bars held we will dig into every insecurity he can and that shit hurts and he doesn’t even feel bad about it he will just be as mean as he can if you’re not careful
Lev- his crime is being tall and dumb also doesn’t understand the economy and prints counterfeit money because why can’t we print more money? The government should get on that.
Inuoka- He released all the animals from a zoo, like snuck in one night and just let them all free, I’m surprised the tiger didn’t eat him but hey the animals are free, there’s still some missing uh oh he’s very proud of himself for it. After the rush, he starts sneaking into shelters and freeing all the dogs and cats
Yamamoto and Fukunaga- Have egged a house before, it was Kuroo’s he deserves all this bullying and you can’t stop me.
Date Tech
Aone- Criminal Conspiracy, sure he had an entire foolproof plan to get away with the perfect crime but someone found out, and now his plans are ruined, damn </3 and no one ever suspects the quiet guy either.
Futakuchi- Having a prostitute, he just wanted some company like mans is lonely so he paid a girl to just spend a Lil time with him it’s all good.
Fukurodani
Bokuto- I know we all haha funny laugh at tax evader bokuto and sure maybe he evades his taxes but he’s also committed vehicular manslaughter, he cannot drive and has killed someone with his car maybe even multiple someones but he always drives off in a panic because he doesn’t know what else to do.
Akaashi- Hasn’t actively committed a crime but has been an accomplice in every vehicular manslaughter Bokuto has committed why the fuck does he keep letting bokuto drive? He really needs to stop that.
Konoha- A master scammer he is so convincing everyone gives him money even if they’re a little sus because he’s just that good each scheme is so convincing.
Inarizaki
Kita- He grows weed, you can’t tell me those rice fields are just for rice he’s got all this space he is growing marijuana and selling it, let him do it I want him to be my plug.
Atsumu- "What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier."
Osamu- resisting arrest. He just said no and ran. Granted he shouldn’t have punched the cop in the first place to have to be arrested but like that’s not the point here.
Aran- accidental child abandonment, like he just forgot he was babysitting and left the kid alone for like a day. He felt terrible but he still forgot the kid and now is fearful of parenthood
Suna- owns an illegal weapon, like he just never registered it and keeps it around and would use it if needed Suna please just point the weapon at me maybe
Others
Terushima- Graffiti, he loves painting on the walls of buildings and tagging them, has so much spraypaint and his day isn’t complete if he doesn’t tag at least one building or train car.
Daishou- Public intoxication- he got a little too fucked up and stripped on the street he will forever have to live with everyone knowing he has an ass tattoo like damn bruh
Sakusa- Perjury he simply wanted to get out of court so he said some shit so he could leave granted he lied under oath but whatever, did they ever find out? No, so he’s fine and he’d do it again if it meant he could leave faster. Like sure he was a witness to a murder but bruh he pretends he does not see.
Hoshihumi- driving without a license he simply thought you didn’t need one because why do you need a piece of plastic to say you can drive a car like??? Just know how to drive it.
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