#the whole ending plot was garbage and made me hate Mary at the end

[artemismatchalatte]

I finished reading The Well of Loneliness yesterday and I think it will haunt me for a while. I read two articles about Hall and one on Woolf for my research (finally cracking into it!) and it only gets worse. I have read into psychology too which means I have the bad, bad habit of trying to find meanings and patterns in behavior of the authors I read as well as their characters. There was a lot of self-loathing which was brought on by the extreme homophobia of the era (Hall lived from 1880-1943 so late Victorian era to mid-WWII; she died of cancer two years before the Allied victory in Europe). 

She may have also had a major martyr complex (or at least issues with her faith since she was a Catholic). Her character was even named Stephen- for the Saint of sports and generosity- martyrs herself at the end in a bizarre ploy to make her girlfriend Mary hate her and ‘save her from the miserable life of being gay’ by letting her live a ‘straight’ life with Martin (who sucks btw). 

Martin keeps going after Sapphic women- both Stephen and Mary- and is like ‘golly gee, I sure wish these girls would like me’. (Get a clue seriously?) He freaked out on Stephen earlier in the novel when she wouldn’t marry him. I do not know why Hall was trying to make us feel bad for him, because I don’t. She’s even framing him as ‘a good man’ which I really, really don’t like. There are good men in this novel but Martin is not one of them. Stephen’s father is probably the best man in the novel because he actually loves and cares for his daughter (unlike Stephen’s mother who is scared of her and later wishes her daughter dead upon learning of Stephen’s failed affair with Angela). 

I guess I did not remember this book at all or else (I suspect) I read two different editions from this year and my first reading in 2012. This time it seems like a longer story but again, I did not connect with it last time. But maybe it was like when I reread The Bell Jar I had to be old enough for it to emotionally effect me. Or more unfortunately, I had be able to connect to some of the content because that usually is a sure-fire way for a book to fuck me up. The Bell Jar fucked me up after I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder- the book horrified me to my core. Similarly, recently realized I’m most likely a lesbian so of course Hall’s book is fucking me up now. 

Also I don’t know why Stephen’s character (and unfortunately Hall herself) insisted on chasing women who most likely weren’t gay or bisexual? Una was bisexual, but after reading more about her obsession with the nurse Souline it doesn’t sound good (I’m sure other articles I’m going to read will also cover it). She knew full well that there were gay bars with real lesbians in her time (she writes about the various gay bars in her novel) and I’m sure she had several social connections and could find other sapphic women, if she really wanted to.

It made me feel really bad for Hall that she felt she needed to try to persuade another woman to love her? The horrible scene with Stephen freaking out over Angela’s betrayal (which was warranted) probably happened in real life. Girl, don’t do it. I feel like that’s lesbian rule number one: DON’T FALL FOR A STRAIGHT GIRL. 

My heart hurts for her even though she lived like a hundred years ago. Ugh. </3

[lavendersugarplum]

I‘M JUST COMING ON HERE TO SAY THAT SEASON 4 WAS SO ASS!!

LIKE WHO WROTE THE SCRIPT?! FANFIC WRITERS?

I'm beyond relieved that I had already decided to rewrite this season to salvage Zero's character because there's no way I'm accepting this garbage as canon.

Let's be real - Seasons 1 and 2 were the peak of this show. Everything went downhill from Season 3, but I foolishly held out hope that they'd turn it around. Boy, was I wrong. This season was straight up ASS. To be honest, I might even do a season three rewrite as well.

No Sloane? No Umbrella Ben?  Don't even get me started on how they literally RUINED Five's character. Five would NEVER betray his brother like that. I can guarantee you that Zero would absolutely hate him this season. Honestly, she would've already checked out from the family as soon as they arrived in that new reality. Him falling in love with Lila was so out of character and almost disgusting to me, because you've known this dude ever since he was in a 13-year-old body. It's just weird to me. I just can't believe that this franchise would ruin probably the most loved character in the fandom. And then they went and made the last part all about his feelings.

Like mother like daughter, I guess. I've never liked Lila's character in the first place, but this season just solidified my stance. She was basically used as a shipping tool. She was already a Mary Sue before. I was just starting to warm up to her in season three because I already had predicted that we were basically stuck with her. They basically turned her into Y/N, and not the likeable kind. That love triangle was completely unnecessary and poorly executed. JUSTICE FOR DIEGO. He should've ended up with Eudora. They should've revived her somehow.

They completely abandoned plot threads from the end of Season 3. What happened to Allison's husband? What about Ben in the subway? And Luther's search for Sloane? It's like they forgot their own story.

The ending was so full with plot holes. They conveniently ignored the existence of other children born from the marigold, which was a crucial part of Lila's backstory. If the timelines are bleeding together, these other children should have caused major issues. The show's always had continuity problems, but ignoring a fundamental part of the story's premise is just inexcusable.

The Jennifer and Ben storyline was a complete waste of time. In previous seasons, they took care to develop new characters like Sloane, and the new Ben in Season 3. Jennifer's story was so rushed and disconnected that I couldn't bring myself to care about her at all. They ditched Sloane for THIS?! Ben's attachment to her made no sense either. It's a terrible way to create an end-of-timeline scenario with a character no one knows or cares about due to lack of screen time.

Killing off the entire cast in the finale is an enormously risky move that can backfire. You need a rock-solid narrative reason and the audience's complete buy-in to pull this off. The Umbrella Academy failed miserably. It felt rushed and lazy, like they couldn't be bothered to explore any other options. We've seen Victor extract the Marigold from Harlan before, so the alternatives DO EXIST.

Klaus's character was criminally underutilized. This dude ALWAYS came through for his family in the end. This time, his character was completely wasted. And don't even get me started on how Allison gets a free pass after all the horrible things she did after they treated Viktor like crap, for the whole third season.

This season was an insult to fans who have invested time and emotion into this show. It's clear the writers have lost their way and have no idea how to properly conclude this story. I'm beyond disappointed and frustrated with how they've ruined what was once a promising series. In Netflix, a series is either canceled or they F up the franchise. They should've just left this show at three seasons and ended it anonymously. Can't believe we waited two years for this?

[keishajay]

Hocus Pocus 2 is... a giant missed opportunity

I really hope this isn’t just me being too old and jaded to enjoy new things anymore, but I HATED this movie. It was just boring and unfunny with no direction and the same pandering message that all movies seem to have nowadays. The writing choices honestly led me to believe the writers had never even seen the original, and the whole time, I couldn’t identify who this movie was made for. At first, I assumed it was just nostalgia baiting for people like me who love the original, and then, they nerfed the threat of the witches. Then, I figured it was for teenagers as their first exposure to Hocus Pocus, but then, they overloaded the whole thing with references from the first movie that nobody who hadn’t seen it already would get. Is it supposed to empower teenage girls? I honestly can’t tell. If you’ve never seen the original, the witches are kind of painted like victims in this one with the protagonists winning by killing them. I don’t even think it’s colorful and exciting enough to be for younger kids. Nothing really happens for a good chunk of its runtime.

There is but one good thing about this movie, and that is the original Sanderson sisters. They’re back and having just as much fun as before. They’re fun to watch when they’re on screen, but their chemistry and goofiness wasn’t enough to save this garbage fire of a script.

#1: Historical accuracy is a suggestion in this movie. Those girls would NOT have been allowed to live alone and act the way they did in the 1600s. Blah, blah, blah, witches and magic exist, but this takes place in the real world with real world history and rules. Winnie would not have been given a choice to marry that kid. His family probably would’ve taken her and her sisters in after their parents died, just waiting until they could be married. That’s two more hands to help in what looks like a farming hamlet. If they wanted Winnie to have that protective, older sister vibe, why not make her hate her forced husband? Why not make the sisters’ new guardians awful to them? You get the same outcome with a more sensible, relatable setup.

#2: The main characters have no personality. I didn’t even know one of the girls’ names until the end credits. All three of them are cardboard cutout teenage girls with the edges removed. And their “conflict” wasn’t even a conflict. I assumed Becca and Cassie were acting weird because one of them confessed to same-sex attraction (that’s exactly what that weirdness would’ve been if they were opposite genders). And then, it just turns out Cassie wanted her old friends to hang out with her new friends. Granted, that’s a very teenager fight to have, but it’s resolved and explained in all of ten seconds, and then, everyone’s just suddenly over it. That is not how teenagers act. These girls would’ve been so much more interesting if they’d just lifted them straight from The Craft.

#3: None of the characters have any agency in this story. In the original, the goals are clear and laid out from the start. The sisters need to brew their potion to kill children and make themselves young again before sunrise. Max, Dani, and Allison need to outsmart the witches to stop them, effectively cleaning up their own mess. Simple, clean, and easy to follow. What was the goal in the sequel? Becca and Izzy are following the same mess-cleaning plot as the first, but it wasn’t their mess in the first place. It was Gilbert’s fault, not theirs. They didn’t wake the witches by being stupid teenagers. They woke them because they were tricked. What was the witches’ goal? They didn’t have one until they saw the Mayor. Then, they wanted to kill him for like a second, and then, for some reason, they decided doing the all-powerful witch spell was what they wanted. Again, for reasons. Were they only awakened for that one night? Who knows. The movie and the witches themselves act like they have all the time in the world.

#4: The rules from the first are broken or ignored. Mary explicitly smells Dani and tells the others exactly how old she is in the first. Yet, they’re fooled somehow by two teenagers lying about their ages in the sequel. How, if Mary can tell a child’s age through smell? Binx states that nothing good can come from the spell book and repeatedly warns Max and Allison not to even open it. Now, in the sequel, the book bound by human skin suddenly can be used for good. It even has a personality now, and it didn’t want Winnie to use that power spell. Why? Because the book cared about her and her sisters? Again, why? It’s just handed over in the prologue and doesn’t seem bothered in the least about losing that master. It had just abandoned Winnie for Becca in the previous scene as well. Are the writers trying to imply that good people can make bad people change? The book has a personality now, after all.

#5: There are no stakes. Yes, this is a family movie. I get it, but you can still have stakes and threatening villains without crippling your script. The sisters have ample opportunity to kill Becca and Co. but choose not to until the plot armor kicks in to prevent them from being able to do so. They even threaten to kill them multiple times and don’t do it when there’s literally no reason why they wouldn’t. Morality certainly didn’t stop them from trying in the first one. As stated in point 3, the witches have no concrete goal for the heroes to stop. There’s no statement made about how to defeat the witches or even a ticking clock for urgency. The girls trap them once, which again led me to question why the writers kept ignoring Mary’s sense of smell, and then, all three witches just end up dead by the end through a combination of hubris and framing murder in a very questionable light. They literally assisted in Winnie’s suicide by lying to her about the spell being able to bring her sisters back. And this is framed as the kind thing to do. Excuse me. What? 

#6: The all-powerful witch spell is an awful plot device. The story warns us that this spell is very dangerous and should never be used. The book doesn’t even like it, and it hasn’t removed the spell itself, for some reason. (It can open itself, fly around, and select pages on its own. Why couldn’t it remove a page?) Why is it so dangerous the book gifted by Satan and bound with human skin doesn’t want it used? Who knows. The only indication of its danger is the very clearly stated cost of the spell. Fine. But if Winnie was now all-powerful, why couldn’t she just magic her sisters back to life somehow? She should be able to do anything she wants. She could just rewind time if she felt like it. There’s no inherent limit to omnipotence, and the story never provides one either. It also begs the question of why they never used it before. Why suck the lives out of children to stay young forever when you could just be all-powerful? Why didn’t the woods witch use it? Or did she and she was warning them as a cautionary tale? Who knows. The writers couldn’t seem to come up with an answer beyond Winnie promised she wouldn’t.

#7: Becca’s magic was essentially pointless to the plot. Everything she did with it could’ve just as easily been achieved with salt, which they used multiple times in the movie. She can’t even stand up to Winnie with it. So, what was its purpose exactly? The movie would’ve worked just as well without it. Hell, it might’ve even been better off that way. Then, we could’ve seen some ingenuity from our “heroes” as they stand up to people much more powerful than them.

90% of this movie just left me asking why over and over again. They had the makings of something that could’ve been fun. Maybe not great but at least fun. Bring the witches back by accident and focus on the omnipotence spell. They learned their lesson from last time and are just gonna skip all the child-murder nonsense. Turn Gilbert into an actual villain like Ben Ravencroft from Scooby-Doo instead of half-assing it and having him forgiven by the end for no reason at all. He didn’t redeem himself. He did nothing except trick people the entire story, and he’s a good guy at the end? Turn Becca, Izzy, and Cassie into Sarah, Bonnie, and Rochelle from the Craft. (Nancy’s a little intense for a family movie.) That setup pokes that nostalgia itch for both of these movies. Hell, go the extra mile and turn Gilbert into Nancy. Even that would’ve been cooler than what we got. How much better would it have been to have the girls go up against their power-hungry friend at the end of the movie? For those that want to argue that it’s fine the way it is, sure, that’s an opinion. But why would you want fine when things could be better? You lose nothing by having a solid story and a real magic system, so why not have them and make your movie better?

So, yeah, Hocus Pocus 2 is just missed opportunity 101 the movie. Not as bad as I was expecting but still not anywhere near what I would call good.

[chocolateslatte]

🚨The Rise of Skywalker Detailed Review and Spoilers Ahead🚨

George Lucas: “If the boy and girl walk off into the sunset hand-in-hand in the last scene, it adds 10 million to the box office”

The “fairytale” we got: A long long time ago in a galaxy far far away, there was a curse of pain and death in a family that just went on and on.  They were never able to break it and they all die, the end. 

Well, you did it JJ, you little punk...you ruined 40 years of cinema. Kids are coming out of theatres crying, they can’t understand. I guess this was the “fun and hopeful ending” you were speaking of during the press tours.  Are you on crack or something, or just sadistic....why would you promote it like that!? Did you forget Star Wars at its core is a story of hope, light, a fairytale in space for children? They did it...they united Reylo’s and Fanboys through hate. 

JJ you do realize tragical romances are only tragically romantic if there was romantic buildup? Romeo and Juliet married in secret, Anidala did as well and flirted in the fields. How was this supposed to be satisfying? A five-second beginning, middle, and end. How this went through multiple execs is beyond me.... I would have understood if Reylo was Rian’s creation. BUT JJ LITERALLY was the one who told Rian to go forth with it...he created Reylo so you can’t say the last Jedi derailed things on that front. JJ wasn’t brave enough for his own vision. This movie was like “the crimes of Grindlewald”, a lot of stuff happening that made me feel nothing. 

Okay, first things first. The OG trilogy was necessary, the prequels were necessary to set up that Vader did not start off bad. What was necessary about the sequels? They just dismantled everything the Skywalker family worked for. Why did we have to see ALL of our favorite characters die? Was the aim that a villain can only be redeemed through death? How original. I’m convinced what they were planning for since force awakens was a journey from villain to hero...but instead we got this a 10min redemption resulting in death a la Vader. Why call Adam Driver’s character a “Disney Prince”?When did Happy endings become so controversial? We go to the movies to feel hope, to escape reality...George Lucas understood that. JJ’s trilogy is uninspired, bland and contributes nothing to the saga. JJ went as far as to recon his own “The Force Awakens”.It had the chance to define generations but no. Literal and utter garbage. Rian made some odd choices but he was bold, unafraid and had the vision. HE knew emotion was at the heart of Star Wars.

WHERE DID THE SKYWALKERS RISE? MORE LIKE RISE OF PALPATINE,  HE BLOODY WON

BUT my problem is not with the ending, it’s the bloody entire movie. This movie made me realize that it's not Reylo that I am a fan of, it was Ben, Leia, Han, Ani, Padme, and all those other characters. I’m upset because this movie is not my Star Wars: of family, love and above all else hope. This is just a 2.5-hour video game with no emotions. This trilogy was all angst with NO payoff.

Okay, you will never ever convince me Palpatine was planned the whole time. This whole movie was retcon for the Last Jedi that pissed off the fanboys. Lucas films did not have an outline for the three films and Rian derailed whatever they wanted to do....except they didn’t even tell him what they wanted! This should be a cautionary tale of why you need to plan. Kylo ain’t bad, Snoke is gone....well pull out Palpatine I guess. This whole film is JJ’s mad scrambling.  Alright, I will humor you, tell me how Palpatine came back when he fell down a shaft and exploded....not *boom boom because of force*. The force in this movie is not canon George Lucas force, it’s just an easy out whenever JJ wants one. 

1. Opening Crawl: As soon as I saw this I knew all the leaks were true, I wanted to bolt from the theatre. When I saw them in August I laughed cause it was so ridiculous it couldn’t be true. How could Disney let a whole movie leak? The plot seemed like a bad fan-fiction. Actually, fanfics are way more true to lore. Anyway, so Palpatine “announces” that he’s back. Is this the shrewd Chancellor Palpatine we know? Certainly, not...why in the world would he announce it rather than keep on the DL and just attack. Yo Palps ain’t this dumb why would you let them (the resistance) prepare?? Because of plot...well okay. 

2. Did Last Jedi even happen:  this film is the sequel to the force awakens, like TLJ never happened...except it’s acting like there was some movie in between that JJ made. Okay, so why is Kylo trying to run Rey over with his tie fighter...he doesn’t really want to kill her. It’s just meaningless action shots.  And don’t get me started on exposition, the dialogue: “hey look its the Knights of Ren”. Except they do nothing. Cool cool.  Kylo’s character goes back to Force awakens era like no development had occurred...except he’s not even there he’s just messing around not even being a real villain.  JJ’s specialty is set-up and he does this beautifully....but he can not wrap up and follow through. 

3. Rose Tico: yup last Jedi never happened, she has nothing to do. She and Finn are irrelevant. Finn has reverted to being obsessed with Rey. Cool Cool.  I honestly feel so bad for the lovely Kelly Marie Tran. How did you relegate a relatively big character into the sidelines?? Why introduce two new characters this late. Rose could have filmed in for them...but alas we must snub Rian at every turn because that’s just how petty JJ Abrams is. ( don’t get me wrong Jannah was cool)

4. The Rise Of Poe Dameron: Finn has been relegated to a side character who does nothing and just yells “REY!”. It was a great setup, a stormtrooper who was force sensitive but doesn’t want his life to be fighting for nothing. You could have explored trauma, the discovery of the light but nope nada. Tell me the point of his character journey. So flat and static. And with Jannah and the ex stormtroopers they could have gone with the arc of these lost, sad kids coming together to find family. 

5. Leia:  Okay you’re telling me our Princess would give up on her son before he was born, just throw away her lightsaber and accept Ben’s fate? Cool alright. And she knew about Rey Palpatine and didn’t say anything...my princess would never.

6. Mary Sue Rey: Ahh Rey this girl feels no emotion in this movie...just like the audience. Sure she’s trained but she can just do stuff with the “force” that even Jedi masters can’t. Stopping a whole starship, something even Yoda could barely do...yup she can do it. Beat Kylo all the time except one, yup she can. Manipulate the force in mind-boggling ways, heal people...sure Luke couldn’t but Rey certainly can.  Cause she is the chosen one...hell even Ani wasn’t this talented and he had years of training. Poe and Finn have a genuine connection, Rey just seems disjointed (totally understandable why)...but if so the ending is even worse. She doesn’t even find peace with her friends. She’s not realistic and human like Luke and Leia were. 

 Force sensitivity in the galaxy:  What a perfect setup, the boy with the broom at the end of TLJ that was force sensitive. The message is that the power to use the force was spreading through the galaxy. No longer confined to the elite. People were hearing of Luke’s battle of Crate and rising.

7. Kylo/Ben: I still maintain that he, other than Ani was the most nuanced character in the whole saga. His arc from Force Awakens to Last Jedi had progressed. How great that even someone from the legendary line of skywalker and solo could fall to the dark again. He wasn’t flat, he was a tortured boy that was conflicted since the first movie. How great would it have been to see him as a conflicted supreme leader, which was set up in TLJ. But *gasps* a plot of his very own, no can do, this is the nature of JJ’s crush on Rey and Daisy. 

Disney released comics that made us sympathize with him, to see that all along he was manipulated by Snoke, and Palpatine the voices in his head. Neglected by those who were supposed to love him. Adam Driver was cast perfectly, he had almost no lines that weren’t related to Rey’s charcater arc. If he were a woman I’m sure everyone would be offended. That single line’s delivery “Dad-”

Come on Poe had more lines than him, and Driver according to JJ was half of the protagonist. He was pitched an arc opposite that of Darth Vader that’s why he signed. Man JJ really did do everyone dirty. 

8. Ben had no lines while redeemed other than “ow”...I am so sorry ADAM that this nasty ass JJ did this to you...this part was 100% improv by Adam, I am willing to bet my life on it. You know why “ow” was brilliant? Cause it meant he felt pain and emotion, he was no longer hiding behind the hardness of Kylo REN. Adam’s performance as Ben left me speechless, he was convincing as Kylo, intimidating...but as BEN he shines in the way only Solo’s can. The way his eyes become determined once he accepts he must give his life, and he does so happily for the love of his life. His soulmate. Star Wars and JJ never deserved the talent that is Adam Driver.

9. They are supposed to be equals in the force yet they missed the opportunity to fight Snoke together. Tell me how they are equals. He existed only to further Rey’s plotline. 

Oh and the other Jedi including Anakin whisper and help Rey...when his own grandson has been asking for help in distress for like 30years. Nice real nice.

10. Finally Reylo:  it felt unearned cause there was no buildup, JJ just threw it in for kicks forgetting all the P&P parallels he was shooting for. An afterthought. Driver and Ridley’s acting saved the day, they had no lines.  Adam Driver is truly one of the finest actors. You could see the difference between Ben and Kylo in his subtle gestures...the sass was pure Han Solo.  

11. And then the death: I wouldn’t even say we won, but at what cost. We won in no way. Had he died fighting I would have understood, but this death was so unnecessary and put in just for the fanboys. Let me say again I would have been okay with death had it been justified.  How is this any different than Vader x Luke. JJ can only copy not create. How crazy that you can just bring people back from the dead...Anakin is here like, am I joke to you? I could have brought Padme back say what???? What was the point of his whole fall to the dark. The force is infinite, that’s the whole point...once you know how to use it you can’t run out of it like juice. Oh, and Ben did not become one with Rey but rather the Force according to the Disney website. So why pray tell did he not appear as a force ghost? I’m convinced JJ was on crack.  

12. No Mourning BEN no acknowledgment:  5 seconds! And then she moves on from losing her soulmate, half of her soul. She loses it over Chewie but nothing, no emotion not even a second over her other half. Seriously? No one ever knows Ben came back...nada. JJ set up Reylo, time and time again he has said that he crafted the story around the romance. He was left scrambling after Last Jedi and this was a last-ditch shock ending. No Reylo theme song, no across the stars

13. Last Jedi told us you don’t have to come from a powerful family to be important. THE WHOLE thing was that you could be force-sensitive and be a nobody. Nobodies can become somebody. A Hero is not born but made. The force lives in all beings, not just powerful families. It inspired me, what a great message to young guys and gals. Kylo’s line, “you come from nothing, you are nothing...you have no place in this story” finally turns out true. You have to come from something to have a part in the Star Wars story. And Rey had darkness inside her cause she was human. Because none of us are pure, we are shades of grey. But no, it’s cause darkness only runs in families. In the Last Jedi when she wants to see her family all she sees is herself and a shadow (Ben) who joins with her. Please do explain this JJ. And if this granddaughter thing was set up I would have had no problem...but they pulled it from their asses. You can have nothing but mean something. But no pander to the fanboys. In the end, a Palpatine lived and all the skywalkers ended....and we are supposed to have hope. Palpatine really did win. 

14. Rey’s biggest fear was ending up in the desert alone, we were told “the belonging she seeks is ahead not behind” and “there’s someone who could still come back”. They mentioned she felt just as alone with the resistance. Only the other half of her soul understood her. This is truly tragic and sad...I am so heartbroken for her. And don’t tell me she isn’t there to stay...the soundtrack is called “a new home”. Enjoy the rest of your days being exactly where you started Rey....but hey at least you got a droid boo. I’m convinced this is not the balance JJ envisioned in the first movie. At one point in TFA Rey looks up sees an old woman alone, scavenging in the desert. This rattles her to the core and it starts her journey of wanting a better, different life. I am so sorry Rey. Okay so you may say she has the resistance and her friends...but let’s consult the last Jedi. In the end when everyone is on the ship...Rey is surrounded by friends yet looks more alone than ever. No one but Ben, maybe Luke, Leia, and Han understood her pull to the dark.

How sad that these two hopeless souls who had never known a moment of belonging and true love, found it for all but a few seconds.

I will quote: “preventing female characters with strong, compelling narratives from experiencing love, intimacy, and affection is just as regressive as reducing them down to sexual accessories. Assumes that women must choose between a romantic interest and depth of character”

Men really can not write good female characters, can they? A woman really can’t be a badass and end up with the love of her life

15. The Skywalker’s and Redemption: How truly truly sad that Han and Leia gave their life for their son who also died at a young age. ALL the Skywalkers and Solo’s have a tragic end. This is not what George Lucas wanted. What a tragic way to end this saga...they weren't able to break the curse. AND to all those troubled kids out there that lashed out and made terrible mistakes in their youth....doesn’t matter what you do dying is the only way out. You could have exiled him, made him pay in other ways. Nothing can be done to make up for your sins but death, no amount of good means that you can come home. To the young boys that get wrapped up in terror organizations, sorry the only way you can be redeemed is death...don’t bother changing and coming back. They could have exiled him, had him start an academy with Rey for Jedi kids. He could have spent the rest of his days redeeming himself. Why tell us he was literally preyed upon, haunted, and manipulated as a child. Even in a fantasy world, a victim of mental illness and abuse can not catch a break. Ben as a child could not fall asleep due to the demon-like voices in his mind. Everyone abandoned him in his time of need. Ben never desired power like Anakin, he went over to the dark because “the voice” of his grandfather promised belonging. I am shocked that this is the message Disney sends us. Oh and yeah you can totally take on the Skywalker name for kicks...the disrespect I swear

16. The worst bit is that I am 90% sure there was another ending that was scrapped.  There was a promo shot of Jannah in a field, soft lighting, lush planet. It was exactly like P&P. Daisy Ridley said the lasts scene was known to only Her, Jannah on that panel (Driver was away). Convinced Jannah was looking at Rey and Ben starting a new life away from the desert which she and Luke hate so much. Hence the production of “A New Home” soundtrack. Hence why the “Farewell” song played behind Reylo kiss was hopeful. Why Luke’s soundtrack when he became part of the force was not triumphant. Why the death scene was sudden and cut weird and no sorrow from Rey. CAUSE THEY SCRAPPED THE ORIGINAL ENDING LAST MINUTE.  Everyone knows JJ was still editing one month before. The concept art which was supposed to be released this month has been pushed to March. Why you ask? They need to remove the pages with a happy ending. He just didn’t have the guts, pandered to everyone and yet no one. He was successful in creating a beautifully filmed action-filled movie with none of the heart of Star Wars.

And then she goes and buries Anakin’s saber on freaking TATOOINE. He HATES Sand and Luke wanted to get away from there as soon as possible. Of course, a Palpatine would torture them that way. But nostalgia is the cash cow so. JJ can only generate nostalgia, not create original stories. IF he had any creativity she would have buried it at Padme’s grave.

The fanboys say “leave the romance for the romance movies”....have you seen the original trilogy or the prequels? Star Wars has always had hope and romance entwined with it. 

SO AFTER 40 YEARS...PALPATINE WINS...HIS BLOODLINE LIVES ON

...and people thought the prequels were bad 

JJ you also said that your goal was for people to come out of the movie feeling more hopeful and happy then they went in...yet here I am. My roommate literally had to console me and buy me ice cream. I am just so numb. I am sure the casual fan will enjoy this, as seen from the rotten tomatoes ratings. I think the critics were too generous with this one, 

Star Wars is very simple at its core, Good vs Bad and Dark vs Light. The kids are expected to understand that a Palpatine being the only one who lives is hopeful? That is the conclusion of three generations of Skywalker sacrifice...

This is how the Skywalkers are remembered...In Tragedy and Curse??

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Weird q..but i really dont understand why most fans hate season 4, especially the last episode. Why? I think it gave us a deeper look on both sherlock and mycroft! I felt it tells a lot about mycroft how he had to step in and take control of things ever since he was a kid himself. Also he is not a robot or a killer. Also redbeard thing. It was an appropriate deep psychological trauma (cause most shows usually disappoint in that area). I am not trying to impose my opinion. Just want to understand

Hey Nonny!

It’s all good, and I totally respect your opinion and how you enjoyed S4! It’s totally okay! I know that there are quite a few who got a lot of of S4, and who genuinely enjoyed it.

Sadly, I am not one of those people, and I’ll try to be as diplomatic a possible in my response, but PLEASE know that I don’t think you’re “terrible” or “stupid” for liking S4 because I DO get passionate sometimes in my responses, and I’m just merely speaking as someone who studied the series very closely for quite a long time before S4 aired, and as someone who knows Day-One-ers (ie., people who watched Sherlock on its day one airdate) who also are a large majority of the people who did not like S4. This is just me simply stating why I didn’t like it, but it’s different for everyone.

Stating what I DO like: The acting and cinematography of the first two episodes were brilliant for what they had to work with, and I’ve never faulted any of the actors for the flaws of S4. And for TFP, they did the best with what they had to work with.

That’s… pretty much all I really liked about S4.

Now, here’s my problems with S4:

Nothing made a LICK of sense to the narrative that they were telling in Seasons prior. 

This series was always based a bit in reality, and suddenly everything became comic-book rules: X-Men villains, shitty “redemption” arc, destroying favourite characters just for drama, ludicrous physics, explosions that only destroyed one small room in an apt where in previous episodes one explosion destroyed an entire block, etc.

Sherlock was OOC.

Mary was being built up to be a fantastic villain? Ah, nope, here’s the lacklustre twist where tee hee Mary’s just an assassin with a heart of gold that still emotionally abuses Sherlock and John and just won’t fucking stay dead.

And speaking of this, the DVD’s make NO LOGICAL SENSE unless she was planning to kill herself

AND she tries to make her death equatable to Sherlock’s??

Everyone was RIDICULOUSLY out of character in TFP, I’m so sorry: Mycroft is a bumbling coward for the most part, Sherlock disregards John when he gives the Vatican Cameos warning, the Holmes Parents are assholes because Mycroft COULDN’T SOLVE A PROBLEM WHEN HE WAS 12?? ARE YOU SERIOUS???? And that creepy Moriarty / Eurus thing, and LITERALLY they’re implying that EVERYTHING HAPPENED BECAUSE EURUS DIDN’T GET A HUG. Like, I’m so sorry, but that’s lazy writing.

And don’t even get me started on the ridiculousness of the entire character of Eurus. She LITERALLY had X-Men powers, and like… just nothing made sense. Her involvement in the entirety of S4 MADE NO SENSE. Why go back to prison if you can get out?? WHAT IS THE POINT?? AND I repeat: She did all this because she didn’t get a hug. Yes. I’m oversimplifying, but at the base level, that’s what it was, because she wanted Sherlock’s attention. Welcome to the club, kid, stand in line, everyone on the SHOW wants his attention.

The ENTIRE plot of the first 2 seasons got wiped out all because it wasn’t Moriarty who was interested in Sherlock, but Eurus?? What… What about Carl Powers?? Like…. the ENTIRETY of season one and TGG makes no sense now, because of that one 5 minute scene where Eurus “enlists” Moriarty. I… ugh.

The SUDDEN tonal switch from kind-of Sherlock to James Bond, for some fucking reason.

And on that note, how terribly lazy and cheap TFP looks in comparison to the other two episodes. The whole episode looks like it was filmed in a small house with 4 identical rooms.

EVERYTHING that was etablished in 2 episodes prior were COMPLETELY forgotten when Mary was “shot”.

The complete character assassination of one loyal blogger John H Watson in favour of Mary for some fucked up reason, even though AT HIS OWN WEDDING HE COULDN’T STAND BEING AROUND MARY. I’m sorry, but I don’t believe for one damned second that John would EVER forgive Mary for murdering his best friend after seeing what it did to him. That’s not love from her, and that’s NOT John’s character EVER in the ENTIRETY of the series.

And speaking of character assassinations, Molly’s character being devolved to S1E1 Molly, where instead of giving her agency like they were doing with her the ENTIRE series, so much so that Sherlock picked up on her dominance enough to give her a big role in his mind palace in HLV and TAB, only to make her a sad little self-insert Mary Sue pining for the main character, and in turn made Sherlock a TERRIBLE human being for MAKING HER say what she did. It’s gross.

AND speaking of Molly’s character, they’ve been setting up Mollstrade since as early as ASiB, but I guess that plot line got shafted. Look I LOVE Hopkins, and I am ANGRY they didn’t give her more than 3 fucking lines in the entirety of ONE episode after HEAVILY promoting her actress and character, but they essentially reduced her to a piece of ass for Lestrade to chase. AND THAT’S NOT HIS CHARACTER EITHER. EW GROSS.

The constant plot holes being gaped wide open, and the Chekov’s gun moments where they bring up shit but do nothing with it!! 

TD-12? Nope, just a lame reference to a story we like. 

John got shot at the end of TLD with a VERY REAL FUCKING GUN? Nope, it was a dart gun. 

John not suddenly knowing how to be a doctor.

The TGG one I mentioned up above. 

What was in the letter? And who was Anyone??

Moriarty essentially being erased as anything other than a hired thug and had no part whatsoever in Sherlock’s history. 

Eurus… Just all of her character is asinine. 

Everyone in T6T suddenly not knowing John’s the blogger, which is in direct contradiction to literally the entire series. 

The AGRA plotline was ridiculous, in the end.

Baby? What baby? It was only there when convenient.

They dropped whatever plotline they were going to do for Mycroft: He was being set up as either dying, or the villain.

Redbeard. I’m sorry, I disagree with you on that. Mofftiss is trying to tell me that a little boy fell down a well and went missing, and that WASN’T the first place searchers / the police wouldn’t have looked? Sorry, no. And then. AND THEN his parents just… go along with this thing where Sherlock shuts down and they DON’T get him therapy? Yes, I agree the mind is a funny thing, and we can be traumatised into forgetting or dissociating from traumatic events. I GET IT. But… like I don’t believe the Holmes are so heartless as to just never grieve or have memories around about their supposedly dead daughter. It’s another OCC thing for me.

John’s cheating.

Disappearing and reappearing characters, like this scene, and the entirety of the aquarium scene.

Mary and John being terrible parents

OH GOD THIS FUCKING SCENE. That bomb SHOULD HAVE DESTROYED THE ENTIRE BUILDING.

What… who was this girl on the plane? What? Like I know WHO, but if she’s supposed to be Eurus talking to Sherlock, why don’t we see Eurus… talking to Sherlock? I … Ugh.

NORBURY. 

The glass SUPER SECRET GOVERNMENT ROOM THAT NO ONE SHOULD SEE INTO in T6T.

Sloppy camera work that some believe was intentional, but if it wasn’t, jesus c’mon.

The RIDICULOUS amount of 4th Wall Breaking. Like… even the actors didn’t give a shit.

Essentially, everything on this list here and in this blog tag here.

And everything mentioned on these three posts:

T6T: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night 

TLD: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night

TFP: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night

There’s SO much more I can go into, but please go through my “something’s fucky” tag in that last link.

Notice how probably 90% of that has NOTHING to do with “johnlock not becoming canon” because the Johnlockers get MONSTROUS accusations as to THAT being why we didn’t like S4, even though it was, like critically panned by the GENERAL AUDIENCE who have NO investment in the series other than “I liked it in the past”.

Two of my fave YouTubers have interesting (not perfect, but still good) takes coming at the series as casual viewers:

‘The Day Sherlock Died’ by The Closer Look

‘Sherlock is Garbage, and Here’s Why’ by hbomberguy

So it’s NOT just Johnlockers. I’ve talked to Sher1011ies at 221B con who didn’t like S4 either, because most of them realized how shitty Molly was treated in the last episode. So yeah, a big middle finger to those who think I dislike S4 because of  “no Johnlock”. No, I disliked it because I need my stories to make logical narrative sense. I disliked it because I love John and they ruined his character all for the sake of drama and because Moffat has a “hurting Ben” kink. I disliked it because Mary should NOT have been “redeemed” because she was an abuser. I disliked it because Moriarty was turned into a cartoon villain, even though he was already overused in the series. I disliked it because the core of the show – the FRIENDSHIP of Sherlock and John, and their solving mysteries together – did not exist at all. I disliked it because John got sidelined. I disliked it because TFP was a ridiculous episode that, if you replace ANY of the characters, it wouldn’t make a difference, because it didn’t feel like an episode of Sherlock. I disliked it because everyone was OOC.

Anyway. Sorry. One too many accusations my way over the past 1100+ days LOL.

As for your assessment of TFP, I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with you. There was no growth and actually it implies something far more sinister: That the Holmes are and were terrible parents that gave no shits about their daughter, their traumatized son, and expected their eldest to essentially be a parent. It implies that Mycroft, at 12 years old, orchestrated the ENTIRE Sherrinford thing… Look I can suspend my disbelief, but there’s limits, and this is one of them. A LITERAL CHILD. Perhaps Uncle Rudy had a hand in it somehow, but then why not shit on Uncle Rudy? Why is Mycroft blamed for it all?

Look, I don’t doubt Sherlock had a traumatic experience regarding “Redbeard”. But then why play into the fact that he was a dog? Why bring another character into the series just to have a gotcha moment? Because Mofftiss wanted a “Shyamalan twist”, that’s why. They threw EVERYTHING away for a twist ending either because they GENUINELY thought it was good, or they got tired of doing Sherlock. ALL of TFP is LITERALLY a really bad plot twist because reasons. TFP makes no sense to the ENTIRE narrative structure of the previous 12 episodes. It erased EVERYTHING from the previous episodes, and coated it with a gross closing by a character no one wanted in the series, and then tried to convince us that it’s a new beginning – “a journey they had to go through” – but it SOLVED NOTHING.

Anyway. I have big feels about S4, and the only way I can enjoy it is to watch it subtextually, but even then, I cannot sit through TFP without cringing. 

That said, Lovelies, please do not attack Nonny for enjoying S4! I know you guys won’t, but Nonny came out with an olive branch and they just want to understand why the fandom is passionate about S4′s… whatever it was. We can have a civil discussion about it, and point out – without attacking – why S4 is universally panned. It’s okay to like things no one else does, and Nonny was respectful to me in this ask! 

So with that, feel free, lovelies, to express why YOU didn’t enjoy the series, or why you did! I’m interested in both “sides” / pov’s whatever :)

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: THE HAPPIEST SEASON

You guys! I finally watched the lesbian holiday movie!! Though when I texted my mom to tell her I was finally watching this, she thought I was talking about The Prom and I laughed for a real long time about it (mainly because it will take me an even longer time to get around to hate watching that!) It already took about a month to get to this one. There is a lot to discuss here - and also one wig!

So this is the first (big budget) holiday lesbian movie, which I am very here for. However, most of the movie feels like a combination between My Best Friend’s Wedding, Meet the Parents, and The Family Stone but with lesbians. Those movies were made between 1997 and 2005 and this movie feels like it should exist somewhere in that time as well. The whole plot of the movie is basically that Kristen Stewart (Abby) has to pretend NOT to be Mackenzie Davis’s (Harper’s)  long-term girlfriend for the sake of Harper’s conservative family with local political aspirations while also spending 5 days with them during Christmas. It’s a conceit that exists solely in these brand of garbage holiday rom coms but definitely one that feels bizarrely antiquated as well. 

Anyway! There is only one wig in this movie which belongs to Davis, who had a vastly superior lesbian wig in that one episode of Black Mirror that made us all cry. We first see this under this hat where it should have hidden for the rest of the film! 

Sadly, the next scene involves the full emergence of this wig and truly: NO. This thing is dried out, bent, and disheveled in not a cool way (Stewart’s actual hair is disheveled in a cool way, though). The entire presence of this wig bothers me because: just have her have whatever hair she has? This is not a historical recreation (that I’m aware of?) and she is not playing a real person! This feels like when SNL cast members wear wigs in sketches for similarly non-existent reasons. However, SNL wigs are vastly superior to this mess!

So anyway, Harper invites Abby to have Christmas at her parents’ house in the heat of the moment during a very romantic (?) Pittsburgh Christmas lights tour which is apparently something that exists. Abby conveniently, and completely for the sake of this plot to work (?) does not like Christmas and also is an orphan, getting rid of any possible Christmas plan conflicts. And then literally on the way to visiting Harper’s family, she is all: by the way, they don’t know you’re my girlfriend or that I’m a lesbian and you have to go along with it for sake of this movie to exist even though this is absolutely a terrible thing to ask of anyone, periodt. But we are beginning to find out that Harper’s character is as full of garbage as her wig. 

So we meet the parents, who are Victor Garber, Mary Steenbergen, and also Mary Steenbergen’s iPad which vulture correctly identifies as the star of this movie AND IT IS. Especially during the end credits where we get to see all the pics the iPad takes! But I’m getting ahead of myself. The parents live in one of those cavernous houses that is definitely a mansion but tries to feel homey even though it probably has about 12 bedrooms and usually only exists in a Nancy Meyers movie. Despite its amount of bedrooms,  Abby has to sleep in a basement bunker which also doubles as a well organized rubbermaid storage unit. For the rest of the movie, Abby is treated like a subhuman trash person much in the way Ben Stiller is treated in Meet the Parents and Sarah Jessica Parker is treated in The Family Stone, except they don’t also have to pretend to not be in a relationship with the family member they arrived with. This conceit becomes so degrading that you honestly wonder why these people are still together!

Abby endures scene after scene of total nonsense and still looks better than the wig on her terrible girlfriend. Which starts actually looking better in a few of these scenes but still is very much a terrible and noticeable wig which is on par with Rachel McAdams’ wig in Mean Girls in that we are constantly told that these women are gorgeous and every single time I ask “YOU MEAN WITH THAT TERRIBLE WIG ON THEIR HEADS????” I suppose this wig was “necessary” because Harper’s two sisters also have long-ish brown hair so they were going for some sort of familial consistency except one daughter has a terrible wig and the other two have hair. Also one sister is Alison Brie, who plays a harpy so awful that she starts to make Harper look palatable and one sister is Mary Holland, who also cowrote the script, and definitely wrote herself the only character who I’d like to meet in real life. 

Along the way, we also meet Aubrey Plaza, who I usually hate because she is just one-note sullen, but here is actually great as Harper’s high school ex-girlfriend who Harper outted and allowed to be bullied and wow Harper - you have been terrible for decades!! Also compared to Harper, Aubrey has beautiful (real) hair, doesn’t lie to her entire family, and has actual chemistry with Abby. I very much wanted Abby to end up with Aubrey and I am not alone! Harper somehow avoids Abby for most of the time they are both staying in the same (albeit huge) house and there is even a dumb subplot about Abby being framed for shoplifting while trying to buy a gift for the parents’ very important white elephant gift exchange during their very important Christmas Eve party and I wonder if any of these people really knows what a white elephant gift is or how to exist in society? Meanwhile, as Harper reverts to being more falsely  heteronormative at her parents house, I started to wonder if her wig was trying to serve a larger purpose in showing how fake this character is but: no it’s just a bad wig. Also this movie really does the impossible: it makes me care about and feel bad for Kristen Stewart! 

Although I did find it highly questionable that though they are the stars of a romantic comedy, neither Kristen Stewart or Mackenzie Davis is funny AT ALL. Like not even a little! Which makes the “comedic” plight of Stewart all the more upsetting! All comedy is left to the one good daughter (Mary Holland) and also all gay men in the movie. This is mainly Abby’s bff and national (Canadian) treasure, Dan Levy and also Drag Race faves Jinxx Monsoon and Ben De-La-Creme in this one gay bar scene which is honestly truly inconceivable and except for further cementing the fact that Abby and Aubrey really should get together. 

In the end, Alison Brie finds out Harper’s TERRIBLE SECRET THAT NO ONE IN 2020 COULD POSSIBLY FATHOM (that she’s a lesbian) and they have a fight in the middle of the white elephant party which reveals that all the family has been competing for years for each other’s love which is really really messed up and now I kind of hate everyone in this family. And also Harper is outed to her entire terrible family and also Ana Gasteyer (and also a room full of other randos). And she denies her lesbian truth!  I recently watched Uncle Frank which is essentially everything Hillbilly Elegy wanted to be but is Shakespeare compared to that mess, and a similar scene occurs but that character bravely faces the truth - and in 1970s SOUTH CAROLINA!! I don’t know what time or space this movie thinks it exists in but it is baffling. Still, Dan Levy gives an emotional monologue about how no one can decide when anyone else is ready to come out of the closet so: FAIR. And then Harper does come out and the entire family kind gives absolutely no reaction to this until Victor Garber says it’s ok?? ABSOLUTELY AND TRULY BIZARRELY PATRIARCHAL. And then Harper and Abby get back together in the parking lot of a Love’s convenience store which is as cheesy and clunky as any garbage holiday rom com so I guess this is definitely a new holiday “classic” which I’ll probably watch 100 more times and hate Harper and her terrible wig each time about as much as I hate Laura Linney’s terrible life choices in Love, Actually. AS CONFOUNDING AS HARPER’S WIG OR THE CHOICE TO GIVE HER ONE AT ALL!

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

[arlakos]

Things that I feel would have made Miraculous Ladybug a better show.

A Comprehensive Guide to what I would fix with Miraculous Ladybug, with 10 different Ideas.

WARNING: long post for mobile users

1. Combine the Riposte and Captain Hardrock episodes to introduce Luka and Kagami and have it be strictly a civilian episode.

After 3 seasons of Miraculous, I can safely say that I don’t care much about the whole lovesquare stuff, and to be frank I hate the fact that Luka and Kagami were added into the show just to be alternate love interests for the heroes.

I mean, Kagami gets a pass because she has a unique personality, but Luka is literally just every guitar teen ever, and is more one dimensional than season 1 Chloe.

EDIT: It really doesn’t help that because of these new ships, there is even more ship teasing that before, making the whole romance side of miraculous rather boring and filled to excess with ship teases

HOWEVER, if you really wanted to introduce these characters as alternate love interests, why not do something unique with it and in a way that won’t go over so long?

My idea is as follows

1. Have Adrien meet Kagami at fencing and Marinette meeting Luka with Kitty section.

2. Have the two main characters interact with these new love interests and learn more about them.

3. NOT have Hawkmoth come and akumatise anyone, because akuma’s shouldn’t be the only reason and/or way to progress the show or make it interesting.

4. Have the new single episode be about Adrien and Marinette falling for new people.

That way, the show can introduce the idea of new love interests, change the episode format so a bit so that its not so linear, and save an episode slot for a episode idea more interesting... Or perhaps instead restrict the whole alternate romance subplot to a few episodes as part of a small storyline and have the whole romantic subplot be done with instead of extending it is like with the Lovesquare over 2 seasons

EDIT: I don’t particularly like the ship, but the idea I’m proposing could be a good way to shorten it into a more coherent and more interesting plot, instead of adding another ship tease into the series that ends up tearing the fandom apart.

2. Have Season 3 be about Ladybug and Cat Noir teaching the 3 new heroes how to fight.

Season 3 is trash. There I said it. And its not just the episodes themselves are the problem. The whole season and the premises it tries to introduce are garbage as well.

Lets start with Lila.

Based off of the Chameleon episode, it was believed that Lila would be a more prominent character in the show, basically being a villain for both Marinette and her alter Ego. Despite that, her actual effect on the season was about as minimal as you could get, with her presence only being restricted to a few episodes (with these episodes more relying on everyone else being an idiot for them to work, Chameleon included). It also didn’t help that the show still stuck to the single episode format, meaning Chamelon, which was meant to be an episode that would set up a ‘war’ between Marinette and Lila was immediatly suceeded by episodes such as Gamer 2.0 and Animaestro, both of which did not feature Lila at all and took the tension out of the first episode (unfortunately not the salt though, rip Miraculous Fanfics)

Also, the Finale robbed Lila of her spotlight. Imagine being presented as the villain of season 3 only for you to be replace with a knockoff Queen Wasp 😭.

Season 3 also made the mistake of introducing new heroes into the show.

Now, I’m of the opinion that the new heroes introduce in season 3 were a mistake, because not only did the new heroes make the idea of getting a miraculous not so special anymore (with so many new heroes), but some of the designs, powers and/or Miraculous tools were not really that great. I mean, Viperion looks cool and all, but his tool is a goddamn lyre. At least a yoyo can be used to tie up people. And do not get me started on Pegasus.

Also, with all the new heroes introduced, it meant that the heroes from season 2 barely got any screentime. Chloe was made into a villain by the end of Season 3, while Rena Rouge got to appear once and my boi Caracace got only one episode out of the ENTIRE SEASON to appear.

But I do have a solution to at least on of these problems.

What if, in season 3, that season was all about Ladybug and Cat Noir teaching Rena, Carapace and Queenie how to actually be heroes and form a team of 5? It would help bring some new dynamics into the whole hero stuff, and we could potentially see more of the stuff that we had only seen in heroes day.

(Also, rewrite heroes day so that the 3 heroes don’t immediatly get akumatized and actually help Ladybug and Cat Noir. God, they got ripped off for all the hype build-up.)

It could allow for new stuff in season 3 such as:

More hero dynamics

Seeing Alya, Nino and Chloe adapt to daily heroics

Ladybug (and Chat) learning how to be leaders and mentors, which would then make the plotline about Fu passing on his title to Marinette make more sense and justified, since they didn’t do that in season 3 at all.

A more realised storyline about Chloe’s identity being public knowledge that goes on for more than two episodes

Also it means we could get rid of Lila...just saying.

3. Have Miss Bustier work to rehabilitate Chloe and have that be the starting point of Chloe’s redemption.

In recent months, there has been a lot of salt aimed at Miss Bustier, and to be frank I don’t think she deserves it. Her characterisation is honestly really heartwarming when it comes to the idea of teachers caring for their students, but her character can often be forgotten by writers, especially when they desire a story to tell. This can be seen as early as Origins, where she ignores Chloe outright bullying Marinette so the latter can stand up to her later on, but notices Ivan being angry at Kim so Ivan becomes Stoneheart. I personally think her character is lovely, and certain fanfic stories like the Miraculous World of Caline Bustier show that good side of her that so many salt fics fail to forget or intentionally ommit because of one bad episode where Marinette cries (chameleon).

However I do think that Chloe gets way out of hand in the show, and I do feel that despite her best intentions, Bustier not doing anything about Chloe for two seasons seems a bit...off putting.

But what if she did do something about it?

I think that the best way for Ms Bustier to act more like a teacher without breaking her ‘kind teacher’ status would honestly be to actually work on rehabilitating Chloe, either by working with her after school with exercises or recommending her to a psychiatrist for help. I know this can come off as dark for miraculous, but Chloe has already shown that her life beforehand has been a bit rough (even though it doesn’t nullify how she has acted in season 1), so it would make sense that Chloe would need some help with her behavoir/attitude. It would be a great way for Bustier to actually do something about Chloe’s behavoir, without compromising her kind personality. She is kind enough to care about Chloe being better, but assertive enough to do something about it.

Plus, for those who like Chloe, it could be a great way to redeem her properly without going back and forth between a ‘likable person but also bitch’ and ‘an asshole bitch with no redeeming qualities’ like in season 3. Plus it would then make Chloe becoming Queen Bee more fair instead of making it seem as if she doesn’t deserve to be a hero.

Also it would make those people who make salt posts about Bustier frick off. Leave her alone she’s a good character

4. Not having everyone immediately liking Ladybug/Marinette but not hating her either.

Ok, this is where I get really heretical with this post, especially because of how much of the fandom likes Marinette, but I feel that having every single character in the show immediately liking Marinette is a bit too much, at least for me. This sounds biased, but it causes problems for the show for two main reasons.

Marinette is kinda at this point a part-Mary Sue, at least when it comes to the idea that everyone in the world seems to like Marinette and the only ones who don’t are irredeemable pieces of trash who are probably villains (Lila and Chloe being Astruc’s favorite examples :/ ).

Marinette often has everyone agreeing with her on everything (when Lila isn’t there) and majority of the time she goes unnopossed with anything that she does, to the point where even a fireman doesn’t call the cops when he see’s her outright breaking into Adrien’s home (in Oni-Chan).

It would be more interesting (or at least more realistic given the setting) if most characters aside from a few important ones were mostly indifferent towards Marinette, aside from ones such as Alya, Nino, Adrien and Nathaniel for obvious reasons. I’m not saying they have to hate her, but it would be cooler if the rest of the class were more individuals with their own lives and focus, rather that characters with a trope who just revolve around Marinettes world. 

Also those girl squad moments in Miraculous seem kinda forced, mainly because Alix, Mylene, Rose and Juleka don’t seem like the type to hang with Marinette unless the episode calls for it like in Gigantitan and Reflekdoll.

Now, lets discuss Ladybug. 

To keep it simple, I think that it would make more sense if people weren’t immediately trusting of Ladybug at first, and I feel that as seasons go on, it would make sense that over time, people would eventually start to lose trust in her or start to feel angry at her for her inability to stop Hawkmoth permanently.

I mean, if you take episodes such as Syren (where said villain floods a whole city), it is likely that some people got hurt (or worse) and people would eventually start to worry that Ladybug could fail or that her Miraculous Ladybug could stop working. 

It would wouldn’t help that Hawkmoth is mostly focused on getting Ladybug and Cat Noirs Miraculous, and people would start to realize that and would start to get the idea that if Ladybug and Cat Noir gave up their Miraculous, Hawkmoth would leave them alone.

Now, don’t get the wrong idea, I don’t think that this has to be a permanent thing that constantly worries the heroes like in other shows such as Ben 10, but it would be an interesting storyline for Miraculous if some people in Paris would start to get fed up Paris being used as a battleground for heroes and villains.

Also, it would make sense that the class likes Ladybug at least, especially for saving them in season 1.

EDIT: Changed my opinion, read my reblog

5. Have Adrien fall in love with Marinette and Ladybug fall in love with Chat - AKA I’m tired of the lovesquare.

I’m gonna be frank with you, I’m a little biased on this one, mainly because I can’t stand the lovesquare stuff. Its annyoing because people fight over which ship they like, and tbh it has gone on for way too long.

It also doesn’t help that it ruins the main characters. Marinette suffers because she can act like a creepy stalker at times, memorizing his schedule and even stealing his phone, yet can’t even speak to him properly (or more importantly like an actual friend) in a majority of episodes, making her look both creepy and/or idiotic.

Chat Noir also suffers, but even more so due to double standards by the fandom. I don’t think Chat is a sexual harasser like SOME might want to thing (looks at the salty side of fandom), but I do think he flirts WAY the fuck too much, to the point where it wastes most of his character. At least him making more jokes would be better than flirting.

So, my idea is to get rid of all that.

Let Marinette actually talk to Adrien, learn about him, care about him like he’s an actual human being, and actually be a good friend for once rather than being friends through Nino and Alya. Let Marinette actually be kind to Adrien and have her actions make Adrien realize that he likes her more than a friend, rather than Plagg telling him something he wants to deny.

And on the reverse note, Have Chat stop flirting and be more caring. I want Chat to treat Ladybug like she’s the greatest thing in his world, and not by flirting with her during akuma fights, but by checking how she is daily, wanting to spend time with her on lonely nights to make her feel better, and overall being more a friendly (yet lovestruck) partner than the flirty sidekick that Astruc wants to relegate him as. By all means, let him pun and make jokes during fights, that’s part of his charm, but I want Ladybug to fall in love with a Chat Noir that stands by her side, cares about her to the point of overkill and makes her always feel better no matter how down she feels.

And THAT’S what the lovesquare should be about, a story about two characters falling in love with two amazing people, not realizing they are one an the same.

I want Adrien to fall in love with the extrodinary Ladybug who changed his world forever and the simple but amazing Marinette who loves him for who he is, and not what he is. I want Marinette to fall for the sunshine Adrien that is too pure for this world and made her smile on a rainy day, but also for the caring Chat Noir that has always stood by her side no matter how dark the situation has gotten when fighting Hawkmoth, and has always cared about her to the point where cannot help but love him for who he is, puns, humor, love and all.

That’s what I think would make good romance in Miraculous Ladybug

Also Adrien doesn’t deserve that kinda salt btw. FIGHT ME.

6. Have Akuma battles actually cause an impact on the show.

Akuma’s are both a curse and a blessing for Miraculous Ladybug. A blessing because the powers can be unique and the designs are pretty to look at (minus a few), but a curse because the way they are written is responsible for Miraculous Ladybug’s stagnation and also how character issues are resolved.

Someone gets sad because a personal problem, they get akumatised, the return back to normal thanks to Ladybug, and their personal problem is suddenly resolved. Rinse and Repeat. All of the damage caused by the akumas is fixed, and no one seems to be affected by the akumas long term.

So...why not change the last bit? 

I think that the akumas should do more than just trash Paris and not by being more evil, but by also have an effect on people mentally, similar to how people write about Chat Blanc causing Marinette to have PTSD. I don’t think the akumas have to be more threatening then they are, but I do wish that certain akuma’s or even the experience of being akumatized would affect certain characters more than what is shown.

Like say, how about an idea where Style Queen suddenly trying to turn Chloe into a statue, and not caring for the fact that she is her daughter, causing Chloe to straight up hate her now that her true colors are shown? Or perhaps an episode where people get hurt due to rubble from a battle, and one of the main characters sees someone greviously hurt despite them being fixed after the battle? These are just some ideas, but as is, akumas feel somewhat of a let down, because despite their cool designs, they are just one-shot glorified henchmen of Hawkmoth who are essentially forgotten after a single episode.

EDIT: I personally got some asks saying that giving characters PTSD would be a bad thing for a kids show, so Im just gonna clarify: I dont think that the characters should get PTSD, but I do think akuma battles should matter, given that some akuma backstories are made from more personal problems but are treated as with less seriousness than expected and often times fixed instantly by the end of the episode.

7. Give Luka a personality

Luka is the personification of every soft spoken teen music player ever and has the personality of the song Wonderwall. Next.

8. Have Alya not try to Figure out Ladybugs identity.

For someone who has read hero comic books, Alya should realise that trying to expose someone’s public identity is a VERY BAD IDEA.

9. Have Ladybug and Chat Noir unlock new powers on their own, rather than having to rely on Gimicky power up potions.

I’m gonna be frank, the power up potions are lame as heck. They are essentially glorified costume changes that add new stuff onto the suits, which doesn’t sound that bad until you realise that Miraculous Wielders are capable of Changing thier costume designs anytime they want, meaning more likely than not they could probably just change costumes without the potions. Even the Aqua form is pretty lame once you realise that Ladybug and Cat Noir’s tools function like water breathing devices.

Instead, I think it would be cool that as the heroes wear their miraculouses, they star to bond with them as they get close to their kwamis, allowing them to unlock new abilities over time, similar to how learning the basics of martial arts follows into more advanced styles. It would also make the miraculouses feel more magical and add more depth into them, as it turns the miraculous from magical jewellery that give powers, into a magical experience that grows and changes as the wielder and Kwami bond together on a spiritual and magical level.

It would also help to offer contrast between the heroes and Hawkmoth, because while the latter doesn’t have a timer for his powers and is stronger (for the time being), the heroes bond with their kwami’s and unlock new abilities in the process, while poor Gabe is stuck with his base powers due to forcing Nooroo against his will, only able to unlock more abilities through cheating (aka Scarlet Moth).

10. Change Hawkmoth’s story

Hawkmoth is about as bland of a villain as you can get when it comes to villainy. Even with the whole sob story of Gabe’s wife in a coma and her trying to bring him back, Hawkmoth himself has always been all over the place, especially when the writers try to bring the two sides of the character together. They want him to be unwilling to hurt Adrien in one episode, but then for him to be a dangerous and despicable villain in Chat Blanc. It gets really annoying, as they both want him to be a sympathetic villain, but also a villain who isnt afraid to be pure evil as well.

Also Mayura doesn’t help much with the story either. Before she was revealed, people were speculating that she was a new person would be the actual big bad of the show, and it was rumored that she would be Hawkmoth’s boss, and also the possible reason for Hawkmoth getting the Butterfly Miraculous, which could have been used to expand upon Hawkmoth’s character, and potentially have some sympathy given to him if the writers wanted to go that path, with Mayura being the new evil of the show. Unfortunatlely, it turned out Mayura was Nathalie all along, essentially being a glorified henchman for Hawkmoth, and not only that, but her powers were a copy and Paste of Hawkmoths own abilities (Villain infects an object, something something magic, Ladybug needs to destroy an object and purify it in order to return it to normal) 

They could have at least given the job of purifying feathers to Chat, would have made him more essential in season 3 if Mayura was actually used more.

Hawkmoth’s character has stagnated, and personally, I think he needs a rewrite.

Some ideas that I have for Hawkmoth that could make him a better character better are:

Have Mayura be the actual big bad of the show (and a completely different character) and have Hawkmoth be her (somewhat unwilling) lackey. She could also be written to be crueler than Hawkmoth, and could show how Hawkmoth is a more sympathetic character by having him only focused on his son like in Gorizilla, while Mayura’s the one more likely to pull a Chat Blanc situation and absolutely torture the poor cat into being an akuma. Also, it would still allow for those Nathalie/Gabriel moments without ruining them with character changes.                                                

Have the Butterfly Miraculous be corrupted with dark magic (thus allowing Hawkmoth to make possesed villains), but as a side effect make him more crazy, causing him to go from the kindness we see in Gorizilla to the ruthlessness seen in Chat Blanc. (On a a side note, the idea of the Butterfly Miraculous being corrupted would make more sense, given that it can corrupt people into being villains, and would also explain how something that is supposed to be used for good can be used for evil.)         

(My Favorite one) Have Gabriel and Hawkmoth being entirely seperate characters. Have Gabe keep the book like in canon and have the Peacock Miraculous be broken, but Hawkmoth is for all intents and purposes a different person who is also a villain. It would allow for Hawkmoth to become an actual villain without the moral restrains made in season 2 with the revelation in The Collector, while also allowing for a story with a nuanced yet kinder Gabriel. Perhaps even a story where Adrien reconnects with his father.

I think that all of these story ideas would really help make Hawkmoth a better character, either by allowing him to be a villain that the writers want him to be like in Chat Blanc, or the sympathetic villain that wants to fix his family.

And that’s about it! Do you agree with this list? Don’t agree? Got more ideas? Reblog this post and write about what you would fix with Miraculous

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 512

Looking for a way to spend Mother’s Day? Well, we here at Outlander have the perfect idea! Celebrate with the women you love by watching us gang rape grannie!

This episode is like the perfect storm of everything that is wrong with Outlander. The cast and crew saying it’s their strongest episode yet when it’s basically artsy gang rape. The CYA trigger warnings when the story would have worked perfectly well without including yet another rape. The kool aid-drinking fans yelling at and acting holier than thou at the fans who rightfully call out the massive problem this show has with rape and assault. The fans yelling at other fans because It’S iN tHe BoOk so it has to be included. The fans yelling at other fans for wanting to follow the books but not wanting rape every 0.5 seconds. The fans yelling at other fans to fuck off if they don’t like the show. The women in the cast throwing out trigger warnings while the men are radio silent or wanting the gladiators to face the plague and fight for their own amusement. It literally has everything.

And I am tired.

I’ve been in this fandom for six years and have had quite a journey. From first discovering the show and immediately devouring the books. The honeymoon period where I could headcanon out all the problematic bits. The getting deep into the fandom nonsense. The getting out of the fandom nonsense. The judging the fandom nonsense because it’s funny and they’re all idiots. The getting sick of the fandom nonsense because it’s not even fun to judge the dummies anymore. The becoming more and more aware that it’s impossible to whistle past the problems in the books and the show. The sticking around, holding out hope things might turn around and the initial magic could be recaptured. And finally, the giving up.

The books are trash. The show is trash. There are a handful of good scenes in each which can be enjoyed on their own, but as a whole, holy shit this stuff is not good. (Seriously, I tried to do a Fiery Cross reread before the season started. I started like a year ago and am still only at Jocasta’s wedding because I just don’t care enough to actually get through it.)

Which brings us here. I am tired. I have already ranted and raged and yelled and swore and wrote far too many words about the gratuitous overuse of rape in the Outlanderverse. It fucking has its own tag for fuck’s sake.

So here’s a recap. And then I think I’m done looking at this show in detail. Not because the idiot fans insist on coming to my notes to tell me to fuck off if I don’t like the show. Not because the crew are condescending douchecanoes. Not because the author is a misogynist garbage heap. But because spending an hour of my time for a few weeks out of the year to write these things isn’t worth it. I did it for as long as I did because it took so little time. So why not? But yeah, it’s not even worth that tiny commitment anymore.

And to the people who I know will @ me about how no one was forcing me to stick around and I could have quit any time, yeah, no shit captain obvious, I know that. Fuck off already. I stuck around because I really liked the little corner of the fandom that I’d found. I made some awesome friends. Most of those friends have since quit the fandom. I’m really glad to have them in my life outside of this little corner of the internet. And it was a fun writing exercise. I don’t really like the show anymore, but I enjoyed building an argument about why I don’t like it and think it’s bad that has valid points behind it. Especially considering how blindly overly adoring a bunch of the fandom is about it. But now I think I’d rather consume Outlander content as pretty people in pretty period costumes in gifsets. Or like, on in the background but not really paying close attention. Why not quit altogether? Because to quote the great Ron Swanson (I’m halfway through a Parks rewatch and I just love that show a lot ok.), I can do what I want. And besides, there’s like a fucking library’s worth of fics that I haven’t read and have been meaning to. And I like the characters enough to want to keep reading about them in stories that are better than the canon. (Bless you fic writers, blesssss.)

So. Was this whole ramble self-indulgent and overly serious for a fucking TV show? Absofuckinglutely. But please see the aforementioned Swansonism.

Alright, fuckos. Let’s do this.

This is a Roberts brainchild, isn’t it. *checks credits* Yup. Knew it. This feels very much like a Roberts special. In that he is probs quite pleased with himself but like, it’s crap.

Yes, we ARE doing ANOTHER rape story! But look! It’s a disassociation montage! It’s the ‘60s, get it?! There are callbacks! An orange from the king in season 2! A vase from season 1! A rabbit from season 3! An amber-looking dragonfly! Jamie with the young hair spouting off book lines! ApPrEcIaTe MuH aRt! We are so good at finding new and creative ways to rape our characters! Fuck off, twatwaffle. You are the worst.

Like, does Roger feel left out at this point? He’s only been hanged. Literally everyone else has either been raped, been sexually assaulted, or been threatened with rape and/or sexual assault.

“But it’s not gratuitous! Look! They’re all so different! Jamie’s was overly graphic and he got a half a season to brood about! We manged to not show much of Fergus’ (but still showed a thrust) because he’s a child and it was just a plot device for Jamie and not actually about him! Mary’s was about Fred! Claire’s with the king was about Jamie! Jamie’s with Geneva was shot like p0rn! Marsali being threatened by the sailors was to motivate Fergus! Bree’s was about the other people in the room and Roger! Claire’s really has no purpose because she’s already been kidnapped and beaten, and that is super traumatic, and we’re gonna wrap it up with a bow by the end of the episode!”

This fucking show, guys. This fucking show.

Bonus points* for the Black character spouting off the superstitious stuff.

*By bonus points I mean this show, and the books are absolute shit on matters of race. The books especially.

The cast and crew have 100% heard everyone’s thoughts on the overuse of rape in the Outlanderverse. And their response has been to include more and more of it. We had a whole season of one character’s arc being about her rape and literally as soon as that was resolved, they gang rape another character. It really does tell you as much as you need to know about them. Lazy. Fucking. Cowards.

Kidnapping not enough trauma? Let’s add some gang rape! Gang rape not enough trauma? Let’s add visualizing that your daughter and grandchild are dead! Just like Fred died! This show really brings trauma p0rn to a whole new level.

Called the Bree and Roger shit.

This scene with the men rallying to go save Claire is like another layer of fuck you. Bree, you stay home, men, give your hero lines and let’s have a getting ready montage. Because your hero moment is what this is really all about. And your manpain about killing someone. *screams into a pillow*

The petty side of me is happy that it was Fergus and Young Ian who are with Claire when they find her and not Roger. Her two sons...

Why yes, I am judging all of the fans who like get their panties all wet over Jamie being like “It is I who kills for her.” Like “yeah go ahead and rape and beat Claire within an inch of her life if it means the big strong man gets to come in and save her and say something intense.” Fuck off and go take a hard look at yourself and what that says about you.

“Was there an Indian there?” “Nope, he wouldn’t help you because LiOnEl but somehow was able to peace out when it was in his interest. Because he is as bad as the ones who actually raped you.”

The Bree and Claire hug makes me both sad and angry. I want to hug them both and take them out of this fucking place and tell them that they’ve been done dirty and deserved fucking better from the writers.

Glad Marsali gets in on the hug. Claire’s two remaining daughters.

Claire’s “I have fucking survived” speech is like the one time she she actually talks about herself not in relation to a man. It’s about her. Claire. HOWEVER! It is epically fucked up that a woman needs to check off all the trauma she’s endured to show she’s a strong character.

So. Fucked. Up.

The fact that we’re spending time on Roger’s manpain about killing someone also really tells us a lot about the show’s feelings toward women. Yeah, killing someone is a big deal. It’s normal and expected to have feelings about it. But the juxtaposition of Claire’s speech about all of her traumas with Roger being like yeah, I killed a guy who had kidnapped, beaten and raped your mom is like, read the room, bro/writers.

The fact that the men put Claire’s rapist in her surgery, her space, her place of healing, where she is able to be most herself, makes me want to punch each and every one of them in the throat. Like seriously. Fuck each and every one of them.

Also Lionel is like cartoonishly terrible. Not that nuance has ever been this show’s strong suit. But like come the fuck on.

Marsali killing Lionel is the one thing about this episode that I didn’t hate. The men are all like “We kill for Claire! Let’s all rally in this montage and go do the manly thing of defending the woman!” Marsali is just like, yeah, that’s my Ma you fucked with. She shows some agency. She doesn’t do it in a performative way for the other men or for Claire like the guys do. She just knows this fuck needs to die, knows it’s gonna be hard for her and might damn her soul (don’t worry Marsali, all that religion crap is bullshit), and does it anyway.

Marsali’s arc has been my favorite of this whole fucking series. The one bright spot I was hanging on to all of this season especially.

Her quick scene with Jamie doesn’t bother me like Roger’s does. Because Roger is like oh no, I killed a guy! Can you forgive me? For killing a rapist? Like fuck off, bro. And Marsali is like yeah, I killed a guy. I hope I’m not damned for it, but the guy needed to die so I did it.

Also like, Richard had potential to not be cartoonishly bad. But like nope. “He reaped what he sowed, but cLeArLy I’m gonna need to escalate this further. Because manly men can’t let shit go.”

Fuck all men, tbh.

*googles how to emigrate to Themyscira*

Jamie’s speech that’s like supposed to parallel Claire’s can fuck all the way off. Giving him the last voice over just underscores how this was all about men. Not Claire. But the men. Fuuuuck everything.

Look! Everything’s fine again! Back to normal! Peaceful for a bit! With a cheesy af on the nose storm coming! So you know something bad’s coming! In case you forgot!

And Jamie got a book line. So it’s all good now.

And don’t worry about Claire, y’all. She feels safe now. Her and Jamie fucked it out.

It’s amazing, in retrospect, that I ever let this story suck me in so much.

Happy Mother’s Day! See you on the other side of the hiatus.

[strykingback]

Ok... Gotta say my Farewell to Vol 8. So If you dont like  what Im about to say best click off now or ignore it.

Ok so you decided to click on it,  Alrighty brace yourself 

This entire Arc was just fucking horrendous. No joke, this entire arc was just garbage entirely, no joke. The way how they made Ironwood into a cartoon villain making him into some albeist joke of people who are diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD, Actual Amputees’, etc. This was meant to be A FUCKING WAR ARC!!!

Which means I expected these few things from this Arc even though I was not watching it.

- Plenty of Character Deaths ranging from Main, Secondary, and Tertiary Characters.

- Stakes at An All New High. 

- Characters being forced to make tough decisions or risks that fail or pay off.

- Uneasy Alliances being forged.

- Tensions between Team RWBY, Ironwoods Group, and Salems. 

-SALEM TEARING ATLAS AND MANTLE A NEW ONE. 

- THE VILLIANS ACTUALLY FUCKING WIN THIS VOLUME. 

Instead We Got: 

-Ruby’s Group BEING INSIDE THE FUCKING HOUSE LIKE IN VOLUME 5 BARELY DOING FUCK ALL!!!

- Ironwood being “villainized” even further instead of turning him into a morally-grey villain. 

- Team RWBY “winning” through plot armor and bad writing like the Mary Sues they are. 

- Bumbleby Ship-Baiting... AGAIN. (Seriously. . . fuck off) (No hate to anyone who ships BB but at this point it was seriously getting annoying and tiring)

- Salem Just Getting Merked... NOT ONCE FOLKS. BUT TWICE!!!

- The Hound Getting Merked.....

Seriously no joke, this was such a bullshit, deadbeat volume. No joke it makes me so frustrated to see that this entire Volume was fucked up to no end. Yangs and Rubys argument did not feel like an actual fucking argument. 

What I expect from an argument was four things.

- Calling them Out On Their Actions. 

- Person A and B Debating About their Actions/Decisions which said argument intensifies. 

- Person A or B Starts a fight after saying something that pisses one of them off

-  Fight Between A and B, Totally Optional to have a bystander such as C or D end the Fight. 

Instead we get....a simple Argument that barely intensifies and only has Yang calling Ruby out on her abilities being a leader of a team. We should have Ruby also calling out Yang for sharing the information to Robyn and her “Happy Huntresses.” Which should’ve escalated to the point where Ruby says.  “Well that Gung-Ho Attitude is what caused you to lose your Arm!!” 

or Yang saying: 

“Well If you didn’t decide to...Oh I dont know have our faces pasted on EVERY VIRTUAL BOARD IN ATLAS FOR YOUR SHIT DECISIONS!” 

Not to mention to have Blake ,Weiss, and the Rest of ORNJ just look in awe or shock.... at seeing them argue to the point where they start fighting SERIOUSLY THATS WHAT A FUCKING ARGUMENT IS MEANT TO FEEL LIKE IN A WAR ARC!!!!

Moving on from that... anyways Cinders Past was just so so so SO LAZY.....

No joke her past was so boring it was to the point where I found it just uninteresting at all. Yet that brings up a good point hat I said once and I will say again. “How Come the FNDM praises Women that get beaten and show love to them rather than Men who also get abused like Adam whose EYE WAS BRANDED and MERCURY WHOSE LEGS WERE BROKEN BY THE FEMUR NO LESS.”

No joke for her it was just... a shock collar and she was berated verbally.....You know this actually makes Ellie from Last of Us Part 2 Look Better than Cinders. (Yeah I went there!)

Like if you want to do Twisted Cinderella with some RWBY Vibes.... heres how you do it. 

- Have Cinder be in Awe at the Sight of a Huntsman or Huntress fighting which inspires her to be a Huntress when Reeves finally tells her she can be one. 

- Show that Reeves does care about her and when he falls ill and dies Cinder is berated even more by the twins and the proprietor where she was enslaved. 

- What Finally causes her to snap and kill everyone was when she finds out her “sisters” burned her Academy Approval letter on their mothers order causing her to kill and murder which she is later on arrested and then bailed out by Watts who leads her to Salem. 

Seriously DO IT FUCKING RIGHT ESPECIALLY  WHEN IT COMES TO CINDER WHOSE PAST WAS IN SHADOWS FOR 8 WHOLE FUCKING YEARS.

8 YEARS AND YOU DROP IT LIKE A RAW PIECE LAMB CHOP!!!

Finally SALEM. Oh God how did they fuck up with Salem?! I will admit there was some moments that spooked me. However it was not enough to make me feel nervous for the characters as a whole. 

Like for example I expected her to wipe the floor with Atlas’ forces and just seriously showing destruction and chaos arriving. Instead last season it looked like she was JUST APPROACHING THE CITY. 

Which would have been a “Race Against The Clock/War” Volume since Salem would have begun her destruction of Atlas and even forcing her way into Atlas.... and then suddenly Hazel performs a Heel-Face-Turn that suddenly screams BS because seriously he should’ve had some sort of a better redemption that felt built up, then she gets  BURNED THEN NUKED BY OZPINS MAGICAL CANE OF SUPERPOWERED BULLSHIT. Which Held enough magic to unleash it....which could have been used during the BATTLE OF BEACON. However, I wont complain about it why?

Cause, I think the major reason is because If he were to use it in there he would be revealing Beacon’s Relic Vault as well to Cinder which she can use to open it and take the Relic of Choice. Which I believe was a pragmatic choice because you also have to think of the people who are still trying to escape or evacuating at the moment. 

Now the ultimate disrespectful thing the CRWBY did for their “Design a Grimm” contest was the Sulfur Fish. 

THIS DESIGN WAS SICK, AND THE ABILITIES WAS JUST JAW DROPPINGLY COOL!

However what does CRWBY do instead of giving a Full Scene where we see its Forms or attacking other soldiers/people. 

It gets... *Drumroll*

A Cameo sequence...thats it. A Cameo....Wow CRWBY you are shit. Just absolutely shit at writing and even giving the winner of the Design-A-Grimm Contest Winner an actual shot...while you overwork your animators giving Anxiety Disorders or PTSD. Great Show. 

 TL;DR: RWBY Volume 8 was one of the most boring, shittiest, and a snoozefest of a volume with such bad writing that it makes even watching The Last of Us Part II look good! 

If you are planning on dropping RWBY let me offer you an Alternative. 

Say hello to Meta Runner! A series that I find to be a favorite of mine and one that is actually better than RWBY’s garbage ass bullshit writing. 

To give you a brief synopsis, This series follows Tari a girl who wakes up in Silica City without any memory of what has happened except some brief flashbacks. To which TasCorp the antagonistic corporation seeks to use her for entertainment, while there is a mystery element about a famous gamer gone missing... and its up to Tari and the help of a Resistance force to find out this mystery. 

This series is done by Glitch Studios which many do know them as...drumroll please!  *drumroll*

The Youtubers SMG4! Who is well known for doing GMOD Shitposts! 

Its actually quite relieving to see a series that these two brothers actually want to share with us! They dont want to do it for money or for anything just for the sake of a good story! 

AND THATS WHAT I LIKE!

Oh did I forget to mention that Meta Runner is backed by:  Epic Games

Crunchyroll 

AMD Lastly.... and hold onto your butts...

THE AUSTRALIAN GOVERNMENT!!!

You know you hit it big WHEN THE GOVERNMENT BACKS YOUR SERIES!!! Come On you cant help but smile at that! So far the Third Season is being worked on at the moment but no release date at the moment so it could be sometime this year or next year. 

So if you have any plans on watching that I highly recommend giving it a watch. Anyways 

Fuck RWBY Volume 8. Fuck the Canon. Fuck Everything about RWBY!

[bugaboowritings]

Punk!Marinette - A Short Drabble-

Marinette Helps Adrien out of a Tree

 I have been going down holes as I avoid spoilers. Even found my unfinished writing about Punk! Marinette just had to polish it up. Inspired from art under the punk Marinette tag and @musicfeedsmysoul12 who wrote some things on this au. 

Also I’m slowly posting my work at ao3 to make it easier to find, my username is bugaboo0scrambles for anyone interested. 

Marinette clicked her tongue with satisfaction. Admiring her work with her mirror. With years and years of practice, applying winged eyeliner still seems like a game of Russian roulette. Going perfectly amazing or making her say “screw it” before giving herself a smoky eye to cover it up the ‘step-sisters’ she painted on her lids. Yet, it was a part of her routine, something she kept since that summer ago spent watching strangers talk about products and brushes.

The laces on her boots drew out the gap between leather and skin as if it was a long sign. Marinette tugged on her laces tighter before reaching a fixed level of security. Fitting in like a second skin. Her hand smoothed over her slick new shoes, relishing its aesthetic allure and not helping the snicker that came up her throat. The heels on this pair were a whopping 3 and a half inches. Nothing major compared to the other shoes on display in the market, but it was enough to give her the needed height to make her a pinch taller then Alya.

With that, she carefully went down the stairs. Watching her step as she got comfortable to the new height. Accepting her death only twice while she barely caught herself from tumbling down the stairs.

Stuffing the long laces into the inside of her boots before making it out of the backdoor of the house. Her hand on the doorknob, other on her hip. Calling out to her parent goodbye as the front of the bakery buzzed with customers.

Nibbled on her maroon-stained lips before checking the trash can. Emptying it to before her parents forgot about it.  

The fresh air outside was mixed with the sounds of cars and that horrible unidentifiable “alley smog” rushing to her head. Pushing the plastic bag out the doorway and into the alley. Stepping out before her dad escaped the customers to plot a kiss on her daughter’s head. His beard carried traces of flour while his apron was clean except the splash of fruit-filling by his knee. Wishing Marinette good luck at school before he rushed to get more ingredients as her mother yelled from the front to take care.

Marinette lightly swept her bangs to get rid of her father’s messy, flour kiss. All while her nose crinkled at the smell of day-old eggshells and butter wrappers. Holding her breath and feeling her wrist twist as she opened the dumpster to throw in the trash. Not helping the gag that came up as the garbage smelt of sun-baked vomit cookies. Letting go of the metal lid causing it to slam shut. If her caffeinated tea didn’t wake her up, then that harsh sound did. Even scaring off the black cat that slept peacefully before screeching off into the street.

-----

“How lame.” Chloe scoffed. Rolling her head like a rag doll as she raised her sunnies from her clear-blue eyes. Her nails, done and polished, flicked the lone blonde strand over her ear.

“Nice shoes, Mari!” She yelled. Booming her voice through the quad. “Matches the whole clown suit too!”

Marinette flipped her off without even looking in her direction. Making her way to the other end of the school to meet up Alya. The one classmate that could manage a conversation with her without being intimidated.

Alya typed swiftly on her keyboard without bothering to look at the keys. A skill that Marinette envied and Alya swore to be like second nature after months of drafting sharp observations over comics, movies and Paris local heroes on her blogs. She sported the denim jacket Marinette decorated for her with patches and pins all with a khaki pleated skirt. Topping it off with her very own white-tee. Her new merch, a commission by Marinette, for her Ladyblog.  

“Alya.”

“Marinette.”

Marinette threw her bag under her before lifting her ankles to cross her legs. Rocking back and forth, waiting for the typing to slow down. Once it did, it reached a sudden stop.

Alya sighed and saved her work before tugging her bag on her lap. Sliding her laptop out of harm’s way.

“I got a new scoop last night.” Alya grinned. Relaxing into her seat. Crossing her glossy legs.

“You will never believe what I saw, girl!” Jumping on Marinette as stars lit up in her eyes. A quick transition from her blank expression earlier. Marinette, knowing where this was going, played dumb.

“Let me guess,” Mari hummed, narrowing her eyes at nothing in the distance. Only to get spooked when Alya shook her.

“AHH! I can’t wait! Just let me tell you!!”

Smirking at the journalist. Alya, as if her tongue was on fire, spit on her amazing story.

There she, in the middle of the night, getting a drink of water. Like how she always did when she was staying up late for an article. Only to hear a loud noise outside. Assuming it’s an Akuma before considering the idea of an earthquake happening in the middle of Europe or a plane crash. Incentively fishing for her phone to see the most amazing sight ever. The greatest thing to hit theaters in its time. The most inspiring and jaw-dropping things to ever live in black and white. The scaly, creepy Godzilla! Stomping out the streets of Paris in the dead of night. Apartments lights flicked on as the beast strolled through the street. Holding in its roars as it tossed its tail. Missing a building by a hair. With a “zip” and a “wow”, the Parian hero duo leaped neighborhoods and buildings. Chat Noir tossed his baton in the air, saving Ladybug by the fraction of second from being dino-chum as she twirled up into the air. Ladybug’s yo-yo looped around the monster swiftly with her momentum, tripping the beast toward the bottom of the Eiffel tower. With Chat Noir’s cataclysm ready, Ladybug called on her lucky charm and-  

“- and Agreste at 10.” Alya murmured. Watching Adrien come through the front door with Nino by his side. Laughing at each other as they look back to Nino’s phone. Marinette turned around, groaning- knowing this morning routine too well. Trying to make herself seem smaller as she pushed back her shoulders. Hoping to go under notice. Already feeling his lime-green eyes on her back.

“I’ll be hiding in a tree or at the art studio, whatever I reach first.” Already grieving the loss of a perfectly good morning. “Text me if you need me.”

“See ya.” Alya waved. Slumping back to the bench as Marinette rushed away in the opposite direction of Adrien.

-----

“Marinette!”

“Agreste.”

“Ah. . .Come here often?”

Marinette had to stop the snort that came up her throat. Being a second late as a small chuckle left her lips. Having to shut down her face to not give Adrien the fuel to keep going. Bring back that dull expression as she watched Adrien struggle a little bit more.

“I don’t usually come here, but if I do I’m not dangling out of trees.”

“Uh,” Agreste hummed. Unsure what to say as he felt the tingling of blood rushing to his head competed with the deep blush that appeared on his cheeks. Or maybe that was just the pain of his blood rushing to head. Yeah, maybe it was the blood rushing to his head. 

On the bright side, however, it made it harder to see if he’s blushing.

“I’m practicing my tree climbing. . . ?” He smugly answered. 

“Practicing,” Marinette repeated. Letting that lame reason melt on her tongue before she even thought of accepting it. Crossing her arms as she stuck her leg out. Her heel rocked back and forth on the dirt. Creating a little hole as she thought this over.

“I’m not one to try and get into someone’s business-”

“You’re not getting in my business. I MEan, I-I don’t mind you asking about it. .!”

Marinette kissed her teeth. “Right . . . “

Biting her lips as she left out a long sigh. Pitching the bridge of her nose, the click on her rings hitting her septum piercing. She’ll regret this, she knows it already. She just had to humor him, even if it was a little longer.

“So Agreste. I would hate to bother this,” Marinette motioned. Her hands raised up and down and around. “But you seem like you need help? Do you need help to get down?”

“. . .Actually, yeah.”

----

“Why is Marinette pulling Adrien out of a tree?” Alix questioned. Pointing out the window when Alya and Mylene came over. Her finger covering the odd scene outside.

The three girls press their faces up the glass as they watched the commotion outside unfold.

“It looks like Marinette is shoving him in a tree to me...” Alya mumbled. Squinting her eyes before she removed her glasses. Rubbing them quickly against her shirt before pushing them back up her face.

Mylene bit her thumb, “Do you think we should go and help them? Maybe they-”

A muffled thump hit the ground. A puff of dirt rising in the air, covering the teens outside. Coughing as they waved the dust away. Marinette smoothed the dirt off her jacket as Adrien groaned.

“I think they’re fine.” Alya hummed. Returning to her notebook.

“Okay, so what did you get for question seven?”

[uzuuzuking]

so this started out as just a general post about why i like cinderella adaptations, but slowly spiraled into a ranking/review of all the cinderella adaptations i’ve seen in my short, young life. so strap in for possibly the longest post i’ve ever made on this blog. (look, i never know how much i have to say about something until i really get going lmao)

idk why i like cinderella adaptations/remakes/spinoffs so much? most of them are garbage (especially the ones within the last 10 years don’t @ me) but fuck it i like this brand of garbage. it’s fun to watch these movies and rework the bad plotlines and dialogue in my head as i go along.

i guess i like the source material and some of the aspects of all the different adaptations, but honestly i just like re-imagining them because there’s only so much cringey script-written-for-teens-but-clearly-written-by-40-year-old-adults-who-have-no-idea-how-teens-or-even-people-for-that-matter-actually-talk-and-interact i can take in one excruciating sitting.

anyway here’s my personal ranking of all the cinderella adaptations i’ve seen that no one asked for. (not including stage productions because i haven’t seen any and have no opinion of them. also not including into the woods because that’s not just cinderella, but a spectacular amalgamation of fairytale mishap and shenanigan.) and reviews because apparently i had more to say than i originally thought when i first started constructing this list:

cinderella (1997) - the absolute best cinderella adaptation of all time, hands down, this is non-negotiable. this movie has it all: an excellent and diverse cast, gorgeous costume design, beautiful sets, some of the most dazzling dance numbers i ever witnessed when i first watched it at the wee age of 4, and a positive, progressive message that was accurate for its time yet also so ahead of its time. i cannot praise this version of cinderella enough, it is my all time favorite and one of my top 3 feel-good movies. if you watched it today, the effects might not be as magical compared to what we have now, but keep in mind it was released in 1997. anyway, the cast is truly amazing and so effortlessly inclusive (and honestly the fact that the prince was asian with a black mother and white father and they literally never addressed it was such a power move). i could go on about this movie forever (i’ll probably make a whole post dedicated to it in the future) and what it meant to me and many others as young, impressionable poc. in conclusion, this movie set an exceedingly high standard for me and destroyed the chances of any other cinderella adaptation even hoping to live up to that. i love it! so! much!

ever after: a cinderella story (1998) - tbh i never saw this until i was in college but i immediately fell in love. i love the flow of the story as a whole - i never felt like anything was missing. i love the costumes and i especially love how danielle and henry’s relationship progressed throughout the film. slow-burn comes to mind when i watch their interactions and we all love a sweet, sweet slow-burn. it’s romance babes! it’s Dramatic in a few scenes and all i can say is that it really works because drew barrymore’s performance is exceptional, fantastic, engaging, more adjectives to describe how enthralled by her i was. above all, her character is compassionate - she uses her voice to speak in support for those who are suppressed by the flawed government systems and law enforcers, and influences the prince to use his status and power to better his people who lack the privileges of the nobility. she’s such a strong female lead (emotionally and physically - she literally fireman carries her love interest, who is taller than her and definitely exceeds her own bodyweight) and truly the mvp of this adaptation. watch it. watch it for Her.

enchanted (2007) - amy adams and idina menzel - ‘nuff said. okay but for real this one is so unique with its transition from classic d*sney 2D animation style to the real three-dimensional world and i adore it to the ends of the earth. the music? slaps! the story? slaps! the development of the main character? slaps!! she’s so princess-y and d*sney cartoon-y and struggles in the real world, but she adapts at a good pace and i love that she learns to be realistic while also keeping hope and love close to her heart. also her mother figure / daughter figure bond with morgan is so so precious. the only constructive criticism i have for this movie is the fact that we were robbed of idina menzel singing!!! did they know all along she was destined to play the frozen queen years in the future and decided against her singing in this one?? is that it? ridiculous. it’s been over a decade and i’m still seething over this. other than that this movie is *chef’s kiss*

ella enchanted (2004) - anne hathaway’s back must still be hurting from carrying this film. (no shade to the other cast members, they’re good, but anne is a queen and i forever love her.) this is another childhood favorite of mine. the story itself is a refreshing take - hats off to gail carson levine for the source material! i’ve talked about the differences between the movie and book before in the midst of my reread of the book a few months ago, but i don’t remember how much i focused on the movie. it’s so different from the book that it might as well be its own thing. on its own, the movie is pretty decent! again, mostly because of anne. it’s funny, it’s sad (especially that scene towards the beginning between ella and areida, i’m in stupid tears every time), and it gets weird but it’s a fun time. the chemistry between char and ella is so zesty i can feel it through the screen, i swoon over both of them. tbh i probably wouldn’t like this movie so much if not for the fact that anne hathaway is truly talented and i spend most of my time watching it just looking at her. 

cinderella 3: a twist in time (2007) - i genuinely enjoyed and appreciated how the characters were written in this one. they all had clear motives and became much more dynamic through their lines and actions (drizella is arguably the most static character here but she still amuses me so it’s fine i guess). cinderella has more agency since the stakes are higher. prince charming actually has a gotdamn personality and has some of the funniest scenes and dialogue. good for him. i was kind of sad that anastasia’s story with the sweet baker boy was thanos snapped by the stepmother, but she and baker boy get a cute credits illustration together so it’s still canon! maybe i’m more biased on this one because i grew up rewatching it A Lot, but i definitely prefer it to the first and second movies.

cinderella (2000) - this one is kind of weird but i like it? the film has a really interesting vibe that i’m still trying to figure out how to describe even after seeing it like 5 times. wikipedia refers to the aesthetic style as “the glamour of the 1950s” which just might be as close as we can get. it follows the general guidelines of the cinderella plot, but the main differences were: zezolla (cinderella) was already helping with the chores before her father remarried, claudette (stepmother) was actively trying to murder zezolla’s father during their marriage, the stepsisters were much more violent and crass (they hunted zezolla’s beloved farm animals for sport and talked about getting “a man in [their] bed”), zezolla’s father was manipulated by everything claudette did and said and treated his own daughter poorly as a result, and prince valiant is honestly kind of a douchebag but seems willing to improve himself after meeting zezolla (basically his vibes are iffy but he’s willing to learn). this whole movie is pretty niche and i have yet to interact with someone who’s also seen it. and the only reason i’ve seen it so many times is because i just like listening to how the dialogue is delivered. (except for prince valiant’s random song at the ball, i kind of hated that and i skip through it every time lol).

a cinderella story (2004) - the classic hilary duff version. very cliche early 2000s high school romance, but it works for the cinderella narrative. not particularly diverse. a classic nonetheless. in my mind this is the pinnacle of the “modern cinderella movie” type. this is one of the most iconic movies for us zillennials and i’d like to think it’s known well enough for me to not go into a lot of detail about it. basically it was fresh and new for its time, had plenty of memorable scenes, and did i mention hilary duff? the film kind of plays into the “not like other girls” trope - as do a couple of the movies i listed above - but i’m just going to acknowledge that the early 2000s were Wack and simply move on. all in all, i like this movie for the nostalgia, iconic scenes, and hilary duff. also jennifer coolidge is pretty funny as the stepmother.

another cinderella story (2008) - again, an early 2000s classic, but this time with selena gomez. i liked the dancing in this one. i like selena’s quiet, somewhat timid characterization of her character, mary. and jane lynch in the stepmother role is perfection. she’s so fun to watch and is always hilarious. the story is nothing remarkable, but it’s okay and i liked it as a kid. after the hilary duff version, this one still managed to feel fresh because, though it was similar in its modern era approach, it focused more on the performing arts and dance. “cinderella” is an aspiring dancer, rather than the 2004 aspiring scholar. the “prince” is a famous popstar, not a football player. the stepmother is an outdated popstar desperate to stay Hip and Relevant with the kids, not a cranky botox lady. honestly i just love watching this one for the dancing, mary’s genuine and innocent love for the “prince”, and literally everything that comes out of jane lynch’s mouth. that woman is a dialogue gold mine.

a cinderella story: once upon a song (2011) - lucy hale is good. missi pyle is good. they play their roles and lines that they’re given fairly well. over all, it’s entertaining. lucy, of course, has them Pipes and i do like the songs in this movie. the only major downside for me was the “token best friend of color” trope. lucy’s best friend is an asian girl who’s good at sports and is there for one liners and support. the prince charming character’s best friend is a black guy who he only knew for probably a month at the most. he can beatbox, sing, and dj. basically he’s also just there as support. they really don’t do much for the plot but they’re there for diversity and whatnot. this movie is.. fine.

cinderella (1950) - the only reason this ranks so low for me is because i watched it a lot as a child when it was on vhs and it always felt like a fever dream to me. i was just really young and didn’t feel invested in any of the characters. it is a classic, though, and i would watch it again and be able to enjoy it.

cinderella 2: dreams come true (2002) - i liked cinderella’s and anastasia’s stories from this one. jaq’s was meh. it was fine.

dj cinderella or cinderella pop (2019) - netflix knows i like cinderella adaptations so, naturally, they shoved this into my recommended and, naturally, i watched it. twice. which is more than i can say for the following review... so this movie is brazillian and is pretty much the cut & mold of modern cinderella movies. but she wants to be a dj. she stars out living a perfect life as a wealthy girl with a loving family, but turns out her dad is cheating on her mom with his secretary. that’s when she “stops believing in love”. which is actually valid bc if i saw one of my parental figures cheating on the other, i honestly wouldn’t know what to believe in anymore. anyway, cíntia dorella (yes. that’s her full name.) and her mom move into her aunt’s place. a year or so passes. stepmother/secretary/cheating lady is throwing an extravagant birthday party for her daughters and hires freddy prince, a popular musician who cíntia doesn’t really like. meanwhile, cíntia gets a dj gig she’s excited for until she finds out she’s the opener for freddy prince at her stepsisters’ party. she ends up disguising herself as “dj cinderella” and freddy is super into her. it’s pretty generic from there but i was entertained enough to watch it twice. take from that what you will.

cinderella (2015) - ok so we been knew that d*sney’s live action remakes ain’t shit, and this one is no exception. d*sney within the last few years has been like 99% aesthetics and marketing. this movie was visually stunning, especially with the settings and costumes. those were the only 2 things i truly liked. everything else was forgettable. in its defense, i did read a post about the “have courage and be kind” message which is something wonderful to hold onto, especially for anyone in an abusive situation like ella. that’s valid and i respect that. i still lowkey hate this movie tho. i started getting a headache about 4 reviews ago, but remembering how much praise this movie got has reignited my fighting spirit. honestly if you like it, that’s good, you like what you like and that’s that. but this is my review and i hated how proper ella’s posture was (she’s been doing physical labor hunched on the floor for years now, how does she not slump around in exhaustion at the end of the day??), i hated how perfectly curated the whole thing was (again, that’s mostly because of d*sney and their aesthetics), and i hated how hollow everything felt. i can’t perfectly describe it, but i never felt emotionally invested in any of the characters. something about their performance was lacking and yet again i blame d*sney. i actually really like lily james, but something about the way she was directed left me devoid of emotional attachment to ella. i remember nothing about ella’s step family or the prince. that’s how much of an impact this adaptation had on me. also i just remembered the fairy godmother as i type this. i ADORE helena bonham carter, but this movie does a horrible disservice to her. if she liked working on this movie, then i’m happy for her, but even she wasn’t strong enough to sell this to me. i saw this movie in theaters and came out of it lamenting my waste of money that i could have spent on something i would have actually enjoyed. but the thing that enraged me the most, the thing i despised, i detested, the thing i seethed over and rant about to this day was the ONE (1) token black character. i don’t even know if he had a name but he was captain of the guard or some shit. if i remember correctly (but probably not tbh this movie was so forgettable), he was the one who heard ella singing and was the whole reason the prince was able to have her try on the glass slipper. this man, who had zero character development, zero relevance to the plot, an insignificant amount of screen time, is suddenly the reason the main character is able to finally connect with her love interest. um. What. i hate how the writers treated him and i will forever be filled with every last grain of salt over this. anyway he’s my favorite character and everyone else is just eh. to conclude this ungodly long review, i don’t like this movie. i tried to watch it again once but got so bored i quit 10 minutes in. do yourself a favor and watch cinderella (1997) instead. (the only reason this movie is ranked above the remaining 5 is the production quality. but i guess that’s unfair bc d*sney has the big bucks. and maybe i wouldn’t be so harsh if i weren’t sleep deprived and grumpy from a sugar-induced headache, but these feelings still come from my Chest so idk.)

a cinderella story: a christmas wish (2019) - i think we all secretly enjoy christmas-themed movies and this has got to be someone’s guilty pleasure. i was mildly entertained (but again with the cringey dialogue written by people clearly not in high school...) and i do like laura marano. but they autotuned her to hell and back - which i loathed - because the woman can actually sing and she has a lovely voice. she got to sing candidly one (1) time and i relished the experience. my ears thank her beautiful, un-autotuned voice. other than that it was.. fine. i didn’t hate it but i didn’t like it either. laura marano deserves better than this. (can’t say the same for the other actors tho because their roles were unmemorable.) also laura marano was super cute in her elf costume!

not cinderella’s type (2018) - i legit forgot about this one until after i compiled the entire list lol. i saw it on youtube and it was decent as far as i remember. it’s another modern day cinderella. i think the “prince” runs over “cinderella’s” cat or something?? i’m pretty sure it was her mom’s cat so now she has nothing left to remember her mom by. prince boy feels awful and tries to befriend her or do something to make it up to her, but she just doesn’t really like him. i think her aunt and uncle are emotionally abusive to her and prince boy does his best to be there for her without making things worse. if i remember correctly, i liked that aspect of the movie because it’s hard to be there for a victim of any kind of abuse if trying to help them could potentially hurt them more, especially minors still under the care of abusive guardians. anyway i think cinderella girl’s best friend is in love with her or something but she ends up not being into him and slowly gets together with prince boy. she eventually moves out of her guardians’ house and into the spare house at prince boy’s home (he’s rich or something). i need to rewatch this movie tbh i could be wrong about everything here lol.

rags (2012) - not amazing, definitely not memorable because i have nothing to say about its plot or writing, but it has keke palmer which is its one redeeming quality. also it’s the only one on this list where the male protagonist is the cinderella. so that’s solid i guess.

a cinderella story: if the shoe fits (2016) - this was a movie. it happened. i vaguely remember how ridiculous it was and sometimes i felt secondhand embarrassment. i don’t remember what about specifically, but i remember the emotion. sofia carson is a talented singer. i think she’s a decent actor but this script was Bad.

elle: a modern cinderella tale (2010) - i only watched this one because i was bored out of my damn mind and saw it on youtube. i felt bad for all the actors because this script was terrible. i don’t recommend this unless you’re about to sit down with your squad and make fun of it.

apparently descendants is on the “cinderella adaptations and references” list on imdb but i refuse to put it on my list because it’s not a cinderella-specific adaptation and i don’t like the descendants franchise. now, if we’re going to discuss a quality series about the children of fairytale characters, that would hands down be ever after high. but that’s a different topic for a different day.

thus concludes the ranking no one asked for but i felt compelled to make. thank you and goodnight

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: M3: The Dark Metal, Episodes 4-6

Do not watch this show. Please, for the love of god, do not watch this show.

FUCKING WHAT

It was at the end of episode 5 that I had to stop watching M3 and look up who was on the staff list. I just couldn’t spend another moment not knowing who was responsible for this fucking travesty. Frankly, I had no idea who might have been the driving force behind this show’s creation. I just knew that someone had to pay.

But let me tell you, I was not fucking prepared to find out who wrote M3′s script, a grand total of five people including:

-Hajime Kamoshida, the original creator of Bunny Girl Senpai and Pet Girl of Sakurasou.

-Shinsuke Oonishi, who wrote a large chunk of the script for Zetsuen no Tempest, aka the current worst anime I’ve ever seen.

-Keigo Koyanagi, who not only was also responsible for Zetsuen no Tempest’s script, but additionally worked as the series composer for fucking SHIELD HERO.

And as if all that wasn’t enough “what the fuck” for you, here’s the absolute kicker: Guess who did the fucking series composition.

Go on, guess.

You got your guess?

Okay. Here’s the answer.

*ahem*

THE SERIES COMPOSER WAS MARI OKADA.

No, I am not shitting you. The cherry on top of this repulsive shit sundae is that M3′s creator was none other than Mari Goddamn Motherfucking Okada herself. Folks, I just about lost my ever-loving shit. I was cackling with manic glee as I peeled back more and more layers of this rotting onion. Two of the writers responsible for my least favorite anime ever? The guy behind one of 2019′s most repulsive breakout hits? MARI FUCKING OKADA?!?! There is not a single universe in which this combination makes sense. And yet, in a twisted, fucked-up way, it also kind of makes perfect sense. Wasn’t I literally just saying how much this show felt like the attitudes of the worst anime I’ve seen, including Zetsuen no Tempest? Doesn’t it make perfect sense how appallingly sexist the whole affair is now that we know the Shield Hero guy is behind it? Heck, Oonishi was also a scriptwriter on the godawful second season of Aldnoah.Zero, and here he is on yet another subpar CG mecha anime. Even Mari Okada’s influence isn’t impossible to spot; once I found out that the teens all share a psychic bond from their time in the Lightless Realm that gives them access to each other’s thoughts and emotions, whether they like it or not, the immediate connection I made was, “Wow, this feels like a bargain bin Kiznaiver.” WELL, NO FUCKING SURPRISE, THEN. Considering M3 came out two years before Kiznaiver, it’s like Okada hated how this version of that idea turned out so badly, she decided to try it all over again without four men of questionable writing caliber fucking everything up. I am fucking fascinated by by this connection. If I had a chance, I would love to get Okada behind closed doors and ask her just what the fuck happened behind the scenes of this show. I would kill to get her impressions of how it turned out. Were her hands tied? Too many cooks in the kitchen? How much of what ended up on screen was her original intent, and how much was the result of everyone else’s contributions? As messy a writer as Okada can be, I cannot imagine this is what she wanted this show to be.

Sheer Unadulterated Hate

Yes, I am absolutely stalling for time by puzzling over all this, but in my defense, discovering that this show was a result of this was the nightmarish alchemy of different creators was the single most entertaining thing I’ve experienced since I started watching this garbage fire. I need to find amusement where I can here. Otherwise, I’m not gonna fucking survive eighteen more episodes of this shit. Good fucking hell, this show is awful. I could spend the entire rest of this post doing nothing but listing all the ways it makes me mad. So you know what? That’s exactly what we’re gonna fucking do. What even is there to say about the plot or characters? The plot doesn’t matter. The characters don’t matter. The themes barely matter and are as basic-bitch as one can get regardless. When I analyze shows, I talk about the things that stood out to me, what I feel is the core essence of a work, for good or ill. And in M3′s case, that core essence is all the infinite, misogynistic, appallingly stupid ways it pisses me off. This show does not deserve a kind, considerate analysis. It deserves to have the skin flayed off its back and be crucified for its sins against good taste everywhere. It deserves brutality. It deserves my sheer, frothing rage. So that’s exactly what it’s gonna fucking get. Here, in no particular order, are all the reasons (so far) that M3: The Dark Metal sucks so horrendously:

-The love triangle between Akashi, Emiru and whatsherface is dumb, shitty and pointless, because we’re never given a reason why Emiru should be attracted to him. She just starts crushing on him right off the bat for no reason and we’re told we’re supposed to care about that just on principle, despite both characters being unfathomaby unlikable.

-Mahmu, the only moderately interesting character, has already gone from vicious murder gremlin to “hurr durr big booby panty shot shy scaredy cat make me hard,” because apparently there’s nothing sexier than a helpless girl who can’t do anything without Your(tm) help and also accidentally flashes her goodies a lot for your enjoyment. (Your(tm), of course, referring to the presumed straight male audience.)

-Akashi cannot stop talking down to his female classmates, especially Emiru, who he gets to call “incompetent” on a near-episodic basis.

-A potentially interesting backstory for Emiru- she grew up so devoid of human connection that guys lusting after her body gives her a pathetic kind of fulfillment, which she’s self-aware enough to realize is fucked up- is ruined by the show itself not giving a shit about any of the girls except for their bodies.

-In all the action scenes, the guys always jump in front of the girls and take all the action while the girls hang back and do nothing, and it’s never questioned.

-Emiru is assaulted and degraded by the psycho murdered while naked in the bath, in a scene with thuddingly obvious rape overtones and sexualizing, leery camera angles. She proceeds to be degraded all throughout the next episode in gross, exploitative fashion, and the show shoves your face in every rancid detail of it.

-As if that wasn’t enough, we also get to see Emiru’s body and mind being violated in graphic detail when she turns into a monster, because this show looooooooves traumatizing women and their bodies to be Dark(tm) and Edgy(tm).

-And just to cap this whole shitshow off, the psycho responsible for Emiru’s degradation and death faces no repercussions whatsoever. Because in this world, taking known serial killers who break out of prison by brutally slaughtering police and giving them access to military-grade weaponry and free reign to prey on their teammates is just common sense. Yes, even after the military has all the evidence to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Emiru’s breakdown was a result of Heito relentlessly abusing and assaulting her, he just shows up in class the next day and no one has a single fucking thing to say to him.

Ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary fellows of the jury, I rest my case in the trial of The People vs M3: The Dark Metal. I am certain I have given you all the evidence necessary to prove its guilt. Do your duty, citizens, and condemn this show to the pits of Tartarus where it belongs. And please, for the love of god, do not even think about tracking down this show to watch it for yourself. There is no hope. Only suffering. Get out while you still can.

Odds and Ends

-”I detest her eyes.” Because we can’t have one female character in this show who isn’t shamed right off the bat. Fuck you, show.

-Her: “Take your hands off my ass.” Him: *hands are on her thighs and not even close to her ass*

-”The truth is I annoy you.” Listen, when I’m agreeing with the evil parents in a tragic backstory flashback, something has gone horribly wrong.

-Who runs into the forest like a fucking moron after a nightmare Jesus Christ Emiru

-”Have we met before?” “You trying to pick me up?” Okay, that made me chuckle.

-Alright, that was a nice moment with the shooting stars and them silently sharing their fear. More of that, please.

-”Why... are you smiling?” WOOOOOW FUCK THIS GUY

-”Come on! Up high!” Please, save this show for me.

-Yeah, seriously lame of you not to recognize the obvious warning signs that she needed help. Suffer for it. Suffer.

-Oh, what’s with this Discount Evangelion battle music?

Eighteen episodes. Eighteen more godforsaken episodes. HELP.

[innaminitus]

Desires #11

Pairing: Loki x reader

Summary:  Vanaheim needs allies and since you are the eldest daughter of its king, you are a victim of arranged marriage with one of Odin’s sons - Loki.

Chapter warnings: language, angst, badly told Ragnarok

Chapter word count: 3061

Four years later

The day was beautiful. It really was. But when you forced yourself to watch this idiotic play with your husband shapeshifted into Odin next to you… You felt like smashing something.

At first you played woe. You watched your child grow up with her father pretending to be someone else. You accepted your fate. Bit your tongue when they made that ridiculous statue of Loki, but you’ve had enough of it now. You were fighting all the time. You begged him to stop, to just rule as himself, but he disagreed. The worst thing was trying to explain the situation to Marigold. She was just four, she didn’t understand most of things, let alone why her father dressed as her grandfather and why she could call him dad only when there were no other people around. And why she could never, ever mention to anyone that she sees her father. You hated him for making your situation so complicated.

The play finally ended and you could roll your eyes in peace.

“Father. Sister.” You heard a voice behind you and turned quickly to see Thor. That was it. He could help you.

“Shit…” Loki cursed silently, getting up. “My son, Thor has returned! Greetings, my boy.”

“Uncle Thor!” Marigold slid down your legs and raised her arms to him.

He laughed and lifted her up, her little hands wrapped around his neck as she hugged him tightly.

“Little person!”

“Look what I can do!” She closed her eyes and focused, wrinkling her little nose and making you laugh silently. Her blue skin started to slowly turn beige as she changed to her Aesir form. Loki taught her that.

“That’s truly amazing, Mari! You are a fast learner.” He put her back on the ground and turned to Loki. “It’s very interesting play. What it’s called?”

“The tragedy of Loki of Asgard. The people wanted to commemorate him” He stuttered.

You rolled your eyes again and Thor didn’t miss that.

“Indeed they should,” he said slowly and pointed behind him. “I like the statue. A lot better looking than he was when he was alive, though. A little less weaselly, less greasy, maybe.” He raised a big skull he chained to his back. “Do you know what this is?”

“The skull of Surtur. That’s a formidable weapon!”

Thor turned to the warrior standing behind him.

“Do me a favour. Lock this away in a vault so it doesn’t turn into a giant monster and destroy the whole planet.”

Loki clumsily leaned on the metal arch filled with roses. How could he be the God of Mischief if he couldn’t even properly lie to his brother? Well, it was better for you.

“So it’s back to Midgard for you, is it?”

“Nope.” Thor shook his head. “I’ve been having this reoccurring dream lately. Every night, I see Asgard fall into ruins.”

“That’s just a silly dreams, signs of an overactive imagination…”  

Thor raised his eyebrows and looked at you. You slowly, barely noticeable shook your head and hoped he would get what you meant. It was time for Loki to end this masquerade.

“Possibly. But then I decide to go out there and investigate. And what do I find, but the Nine Realms completely in chaos. Enemies of Asgard assembling, plotting our demise, all while you, Odin, the protector of those nine realms, are sitting here in your bathrobe, eating grapes.” Thor threw his hammer and it obediently came back to his hand seconds later.

“Yes, it’s best to respect out neighbours’ freedom.” Loki was out of track. Good.

“Yes, of course, the freedom to be massacred.”

“Yes, besides I’ve been rather busy myself-“

“Watching theatre.”

“Terrible theatre…” You murmured, watching Marigold digging out the seeds of the grape she tried to eat.

“Board meetings, and security council meetings…”

“You’re really going to make me do it?” Thor cocked his head to the side.

“Do what?”

Thor threw his hammer with unbelievable force and slowly walked behind Loki.

“You know that nothing will stop Mjolnir as it returns to my hand.” He placed his hand on the back of Loki’s head. “Not even your face.”

“Thor!” You hissed, ready to use your magic if he was to really hurt Loki. You had more hate than love relationship with him now, but he was still your husband.

“You’ve gone quite mad!” Loki shouted. Marigold dropped her grape and watched the scene with big eyes.

“Mommy?” She turned to you, worried and you lifted her to your knees.

“You’ll be executed for this!” Loki peaked at you, looking for any backing, but you weren’t going to give it to him. You just stiffly watched Mjolnir flying closer and closer.

“Then I’ll see you on the other side… brother.” The hammer was really close.

“All right, I yield!” Loki jumped at the last second and turned back to himself. Finally. He smiled at the gasps of the crowd and turned to you. “Thank you for your help, wife.”

You just raised your eyebrow.

“As if you deserved any.”

He narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth to say something, but appearance of Scurge interrupted him.

“Behold!” He gasped. “Thor… Odinson…”

“No.” Loki shook his head and pointed finger at him. “You had one job. Just the one.”

“Where is Odin?” Thor asked, dragging Loki’s attention back to him.

“You couldn’t stay away, could you?” He hissed. “Everything was fine without you. Asgard was prospering. You’ve ruined everything. Ask them.” He showed at the people.

Suddenly Thor came closer to Loki, making him take a few steps back.

“Where’s father? Did you kill him?”

“You had what you wanted.” He fell on the chaise longue. “You had the independence you asked for.” Thor pressed Mjolnir onto his chest. “Alright! I know exactly where he is.”

“Mommy.” Marigold pulled your hair to make you look at her. “Can I talk about daddy now?”

“You can,” Loki answered for you.

“I can’t believe you put your child into that, brother.” Thor shook his head. “I knew you weren’t exactly caring, but this?”

You got up and shushed Loki before he could say something to make the situation worse.

“Believe me, he pays for it.” You coldly eyed your husband. “Everyday.” You reached your hand to Marigold. “Come, snowflake. Dad has some things to fix.” Your sight never left his. “And he better not be coming back before he does it.” You turned your back at the brothers, dragging your child with you back to the palace.

*

“Where the hell are you?” You asked Loki in your head, using the bond you both created shortly after he came back from the dead after the battle on Svartalfheim.

“Hell is quite a good description actually…”

You heard a weird noise in your mind, he sent a sound of fight through the bound and you stiffened.

“What’s going on?! Loki?!”

He didn’t answer long enough for you to be worried and when he finally did, his voice was filled with anger and fear.

“She came through Bifrost! Take Mari and run!”

“Who?!”

He didn’t need to answer. You heard noises of gathering army, shouts and commands before a cold voice filled the air. You could hear her through the widows of the throne room.

“It’s come to my attention that you don’t know who I am…”

You got up from the throne and run to the window. The woman outside was surrounded by the asgardian army. You swallowed hard. Who was that and why the fuck was she wearing your husband’s colours?

“I am Hela, Odin’s firstborn, the commander of the Legions of Asgard, the rightful heir to the throne and Goddess of Death.”

You were screwed. You should stay and protect the palace, but your will to survive was stronger than your loyalty. You run from the throne room and through the hallways, to the room of your daughter where she stayed with her nanny.

“What the fuck did you two do again?!” He didn’t answer you. “Loki, I swear to gods, answer me or I’ll rip your hair out.”

A second passed. And another.

“Such aggressive little thing, aren’t you?”

You grabbed Marigold and ordered the nanny to run. You didn’t bother to remember her name.

“Mommy, what’s going on?” Mari wrapped her hands around your neck. She was freezing cold when she was scared.

“It will be alright, snowflake.” You kissed the top of her head.

“You’re really going to wish you stayed dead four years ago, asshole.” A laughter sounded in your head when you run down the stairs. “And where are you? On the suburbs? In the palace?”

“Sakaar.”

You had to stop.

“Where?!”

“It’s a planet… Or a garbage disposal.”

You sent him an image of you slapping him. He sent you back and image of him between your thighs. “You better remember this, because you’re not getting any for at least a century.” You hissed and clenched your teeth.

You managed to get out of the palace just when you heard something heavy fell in the throne room. Marigold was shaking in your arms, you felt frostbites creating in places she touched you.

“Shhhh…” You lulled her, not sure where to go. “Mommy’s going to take care of it.”

“Princess,” a deep voice behind you floated you with relief. You turned to Heimdall. “Follow me.”

*

Two days passed. Two days filled with fear, threats and frostbites. You did what you could to help Heimdall gather as many Asgardians as you could, but with Marigold it was difficult. In your free time you cursed Loki, although there were times when you couldn’t not only hear him, but also feel him through your bond. It was Sakaar’s influence, the time there… wasn’t right.

But then Heimdall told you they came. Thor and some people you didn’t know.

When you reached the Bifrost there was no sign of Loki.

“Care to explain why you’re not with your brother?”

You hoped for the respond so much you almost cried. You could hate him all you wanted, but he was the love of your life and you couldn’t bear a thought of losing him.

You wrapped your arms around Marigold so tight she squirmed.

“Baby, do you remember what daddy taught you? How do you turn into an icicle?” You locked your eyes on the army of the dead and focused on keeping Marigold’s sight away. She nodded. “Can you show mommy how you do it?”  

“But you don’t like me do it…” She said, trembling in your arms. Woe was ripping you apart. You never wanted this for her.

“I love it when you do it, snowflake. I love you whole, blue or not.” You kissed her black, curly hair and shut your eyes closed for that moment. “Can you turn into icicle for me?”

She nodded again and closed her eyes for better focus. Her skin started to cover with frost, which slowly turned to ice. She was horribly cold to touch right now, but if she only managed to keep that ice armour on her, she was relatively safe.

You wanted to fight, your magic was impatiently waiting for you to use it, but you had to keep every last drop of it to protect your daughter.

“Look up.”

You almost fell on the ground when you heard his voice. You shot your head up just in time to see a spaceship emerging from a fog.

“Your saviour is here!” Loki shouted, his arms stretched as he stood on the entrance of the ship. You forced yourself not to roll your eyes, but a smile crawled on your face. He came back. “Did you miss me?” He looked for you in a crowd he just entered. “Everyone on that ship, now.”

‘Welcome home,” Heimdall said to him when they passed each other. “I saw you coming.”

“Of course you did…” Loki’s eyes found yours and he almost run to you. “My dearest…” His lips captured yours in a passionate kiss, his hand caressed your cheek. “And what a beautiful icicle do we have here?” Marigold smiled at him.

“Loki!” You quickly created a shield to protect him from the attack on his back. “As much as I don’t like it, now it’s not the time for that.”

He smirked and kissed your cheek before turning around and stabbing someone with the daggers he just summoned.

“Get on that ship or I’ll drag you there myself,” he said before joining the fights.

Even though you wanted to stand by his side like you did on Vanaheim, you had to think about your child first. If only someone could take care of her… But you didn’t trust anyone who wasn’t Loki or Thor.

And they were both busy now.

A lightning fell on the palace and Marigold screamed before hiding her crying face in the crook of your neck. You created a strong shield around you both and run to the spaceship where most of the Asgardians was already hiding.  

It took some time to clear the Bifrost of Hela’s warriors, but they eventually did it. You watched Thor and Loki talk for a second before this pretty Valkyrie girl you’ve never seen before passed them.

No, no, no.

“Come back here, you idiot! You’re not fighting that bitch!” You screamed in your head when you saw them walk in the direction of the palace.

You only felt a warmth of love he sent through the bond.

They were arguing. She was going at them and they were arguing…

But then Loki nodded and turned. You felt such relief when he run to the direction of the ship… Only to pass it.

“What are you doing?! Stop ignoring me!”

“Ragnarok.”  

You froze in place and slowly turned to see Thor fight Hela. Were they really going to destroy Asgard?

“Go! Go now!” You heard Thor say and the engines started to work.

“No!” You tugged Heimdall’s arm. “We can’t go without them!”

“It will be alright, my princess.”

You didn’t believe him. You held your daughter tighter in your arms and walked as close to the edge of the spaceship as you could.

“Mommy… Where is daddy?”

“She’s asking for you…”

“Tell her I love her.”

“Tell her yourself.”

Your heart was breaking again. You were higher and higher in the air and you still couldn’t see Loki.

“I love you, Y/N.”

“Then come back to me.”

“Don’t I always?”

You smiled sadly and almost jumped at the sudden heatwave. You shot your head in the direction of Asgard… Of flames.

You were so high up and he was there, somewhere in these flames. Your heart was beating like crazy, Marigold was shaking and you had to be strong for her. Even if it was so hard right now.

“Tremble before me, Asgard.” A giant monster grew from the fire and you covered Marigold with every bit of magic you had. Surtur was here. “I am your reckoning!”

You knew it was for the best. Hela had her powers from Asgard, but… It was your home, after all. It was the place where you fell in love, a city you learned to call yours. A sting in your heart was unbearable.

The green man… He was fighting the wolf before you got on the bridge when protecting the back of your people. He grabbed Thor and the girl, and jumped high to reach the ship.

Your heart stopped pumping blood and instead was pumping rage.

Did they just really left Loki down there or was it just your twisted imagination?!

“Loki?!”

Nothing.

You couldn’t look, so you turned your gaze away. You could hear everything, though. The sound of breaking planet, of fire consuming every bit of your home.

“I love you, too.”

*

You were far in space now, surrounded by the darkness and stars. Marigold fell asleep after melting her ice armour and your body started to heal the frostbites.

You sat on the floor with a bottle of something strong, watching your fingers defrost.

A pair of leather shoes entered your view.

“I hate you,” you sobbed and raised your head. “I hate you for doing this to me. Over and over.” Tears flew down your cheeks and Loki slowly squatted next to you. He tried to wipe the tears away from your face, but you moved away. “Don’t touch me.”

He sighed. “I had to-“

“You had to? You had to cut me out? To ignore me for all these hours?”

He sat next to you.

“You’re right… I’m sorry.”

“Your apologies became inauthentic around three years ago.” You couldn’t force yourself to look at him. “When will you finally understand that you’re not on your own? We are a family, Loki. You can’t put yourself to such risk. Everything you do affects us all, whether we want it or not.” You took a deep breath and faced him. He was so… beautiful. Tired, yes, but this raw beauty of his face made you want to hug him and never let go. “Your daughter knew her father only at nights. Did you think about it?” You shook your head. “She asked me once if you don’t like her and if that’s why you shapeshift, so she couldn’t call you daddy.” You saw sadness in his face. “I wasn’t ready for this baby and you knew it. And yet you left me alone with it, right after you promised to be by my side. And what for? For poor theatre and grotesque statue.” You took a sharp breath. “I obeyed you for all these years, but I can’t do it any longer if you keep putting me off.” He opened his mouth to say something, but you didn’t let him. “I think you need to sort out your priorities. And when you do… Let me know if me or our daughter are on the first place. Or is it the throne, power or tesseract.” You got up and fixed your dress. “Because if it is so, I’ll ask you for divorce.”

“Y/N-“ He got up, but you just shook your head.

“It’s too late now.” He looked as if he was going to cry, but you were so tired of always being the last. “You’ve underestimated me for the last time.”

___

tag list:  @3nmxnxt3r @arianna-17-11 @blue-sunset-oreo-lover@connor-of-detroit@darkprincessloki92@fuckythebuckybarnes@frommywindow10@ginnyweasleysscrunchie@i-wished-upon-a-star-one-night@jessiejunebug @just-another-loki-fangirl @kneel-before-queen-loki@lokislilslut @malanix @marvel-ous-fics@marvelrose @min-yoongi-my-love@myownviperroom@princerowanwhitethorngalathynius@renownedmeme@superdrysuperfry@terrainhead@vespirin @youare-mysonshine @stxcloudy @1800-fight-me@justasmisunderstoodasloki@inlovewithmrstark @itsmadness-97@i-think-i-am-adorable @curiousershipper @orchidjjg  @captainstartights @bluestaratsunrise @been-falling-for-thirty-minutes @loki-poki-foki@freddies-fried-chicken@bluestaratsunrise @iamverity

[coe-lilium]

TroS reaction (1st view)

Necessary premise in bullet points:

- I liked TFA when it came out and still do but as I dug into the franchise/canon (Disney only by choice) my enjoyment of it became more lukewarm. Came out of it dreading a potential Reylo but liking the two charas on their own. 

- went into TLJ worried I’d hate it, came out with it being my favorite saga movie and sold on the Rey-Ren connection, whatever road it would’ve taken. Loved the “Rey’s powerful on her own/bc the Force wants to set Kylo’s wrongs right”. It felt good after two years of being bombarded with “this fucking Mary Sue can have any power only if she’s connected to powerful men of the saga, she has otherwise no right in being powerful” in forums spaces.    

- went into TroS non-spoiled, wary of Palpatine return but relatively hopeful if soured about the “JJ our lord and saviour pleease save us from evil evil Jonhson” (HA!). The rumors about lore from the tv series being featured into the movie had me excited.  

That said, here goes: [SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE MOVIE, ENDING INCLUDED, RIGHT OFF THE BAT]

I didn’t like it. I really hope to warm up to it more in future views, there’s absolutely stuff I liked or even loved, but as it stands now it was overall a massive disappointment on many sides and -worst of all- threatens to retroactively ruin my enjoyment in other previous stories. 

First, the positives: 

- Parentage notwithstanding, Rey was good. Her rage, her fears, her good heart, her commitment to the fight and the training, her longing for guidance… truly, if the bloodline revelation hadn’t retroactively ruined my investment in the character and themes I’d have fully, 100% loved her even if every single other part of the movie had been the same. 

Except for a brief war flashback to Starkiller game abilities (I lolled) I wasn’t even troubled by all the new abilities or their scope. Movies’ been inventing new powers since the beginning and the Force does what the Force wants. Again, fuck the genetics “twist”, garbage stuff. 

- Kylo, next to… 95% that involved him? TLJ did a great job selling him to me and surprisingly this movie added to that instead of retconning it away. More competent but still stupid and petty from time to time. I’m glad he came back, glad he choose right and glad he was allowed more time on the right side than Anakin. I love redemptions and he was portrayed as wavering the entire trilogy, I don’t even really care that it could’ve done better. I’m happy for him and his family, that’s all. The kiss got a laugh out me but not a malicious one, I was kind of running out of reasonable reactions by then. 

I’m just conflicted on how I feel about his death. Back when TFA was released I wanted him to survive to face what Anakin didn’t: justice (the kid-friendly setting prevented a death sentence anyway), atonement and growth from there, I still wish it happened and maintain that a different pacing would’ve allowed it. On the other hand, I’m also kinda okay with him dying. He righted at least a bit of his many wrongs, he saved a person he cared for, that his parents cared for and that could help the galaxy much more than he ever could and he was at peace. It was a good death.      

- Kylo’s vision/illusion of Han. A surprise but a very pleasant, well acted one. Would’ve I maybe liked Anakin more, as Ben idolized him so much and for all the wrong reasons and because I love that disaster? Yes. Does Han work much better in the economy of the movie and trilogy story and do he and Ben have a much rawer relationship and history? Absolutely. I am a teeny tiny bit baffled as  for why Luke didn’t also show up, but the actual scene was good enough I forgive it.  

- Rey and Kylo bond and connection was one of the saving graces of this mess and I utterly loved it. Both actors worked their asses for for all their scenes and it payed off, oh if it payed off. Their DSII duel was perhaps a tad long but great nonetheless (Republic era Jedi jumps!), the hurt and the sense of absolute loss and grief they both conveyed -and shared!- after Leia’s passing was incredible, Rey regretting the near kill and softly going “I would have stayed, had you renounced the dark side”. She cared, yes, but not to the point of ignoring the horrors (something Anakin never quite understood). The “dyad” stuff was a bit overkill, just call it a force bond, we can see it’s freaking powerful, but the Force Skype and sharing of objects that came with the package, that I loved. Surprise lightsaber, Ren fuckers! :D Bet Anakin and Obi Wan were really jealous, that would’ve come in handy during the war.       

- Finn was now fully invested in the cause, at ease, visibly happy to be with his friends, ready to bond and reach out, quick to plan, to act and to adapt to the situation, brave but cautious and calculating. I wish it was given a bit more focus, but I loved he found other young FO defectors. Also fuck yeah, he’s force sensitive and his ability is used, not just thrown in as a useless wink. Jedi Finn in future material, c’mon!

- Poe’s also grown. He was probably going to have more screen time with Leia had Carrie not died but there was nothing to be done for that. I’m not as happy as for previous 3 charas for the backstory retcon I’ll tackle in the negatives.

- Jannah was cool, the addiction of other FO defectors a welcomed one and the scene were she and Finn excitedly went over their “I broke free” moment was adorable. Good bean, I’d read more about her and her company. 

- A bit lot annoyed at Bloodline being kinda tossed outta the window but getting Leia with lightsaber was nice. Give me some ancillary material to deal with the clash and I’ll fully forgive it. 

- Jedi! MY GIRL AHSOKA MY MAN KANAN! I mean, I sure wish they were in a better movie, but hey, recognition for something more than the OT? No slandering of the Order but all of them collectively kicking Sidious ass once and for all? I’ll gladly take it. Anakin, my dude, I’m sorry your sacrifice was next to nullified but it was good to hear you again ;_;  I didn’t hear Ezra’s voice anywhere so I can still hope he’s alive, well and with the Ascendancy teaching all their Navigators. “I am all the Jedi” remains a terrible line. 

And now, oh boi. Here comes the long list of annoying - bad - stinking shit stuff: 

- If I wanted to watch a 2 and half long videogame cutscenes I’d have done that in the comfort of my home without spending money for tickets. Go to level x to retrieve related macguffin, move to next level to get next macguffin and so on and so on. I liked close to everything in the DS II sequences, but what would’ve that dagger pointed at if the wreckage had fallen even a little bit differently?   

In general, many plot points gave me the feeling they were stolen from the tv series and badly executed, like a mockery (or incompetence?). Case in point: Hux betraying the 1st Order out of personal, spiteful hate? Potentially good! The execution? A poor man’s Rebels Agent Kallus, already over in little more than 5minutes. 

- Palpatine himself is a poorly, ridiculously poorly executed Maul resurrection storyline from tcw and rebels. 

Because Maul was 1. explained and 2. got a good, long arc that made you forgive the undoubtably contrived ass-pull it took to bring him back while Sidious is just… there. You gotta accept it because the writer said so. 

How did he survive? We don’t know and fuck you if you expect an explanation (they really had the absolute galls to have him say the iconic/meme line from Rots and apparently it was supposed to be enough?!) How could he “have all Sith reside inside me” when canon’s clear that Sith do-not-get-to-retain-their-individuality-in-the-Force, do not work well together (lmao) and he as an individual never gave a shit about the Sith except when they could serve his own personal desires? His entire approach to the rule of two and other Sith stuff is “fuck that noise, everything in the galaxy exist to serve me”. He’s fine dying as long as “the Sith rule”? Who IS this character, because he’s not Darth Sidious (as presented in Disney’s own canon, mind). Oh, you wanted explanations? FUCK YOU, screams the movie. 

The mess gets somehow salvaged in the end as he comes to his senses and siphon the life out of Rey and Ben to de-rotten/revive himself to rule in person, now *that* was in character. Was he actually lying his ass off the entire time waiting for the moment he could siphon them? Hopefully but who the hell even knows.

In the end it just wasn’t worth bring him back. A holocron, a different Sith, even a hive-mind of old records/tainted wraiths of Sith (perhaps wearing Palps face to buy the old empire aficionados loyalty, idk) would’ve been better than “actually, Anakin suffered nearly his entire life and sacrificed himself for barely more than 25 years of peace and it still wasn’t enough to rid the galaxy of the monster who destroyed his and countless other lives”. But Johnson was the one shitting on beloved characters legacy and accomplishments, uh? Surely at least he���s got company. 

Ian was clearly having a blast, so there was… that? And the initial sequence being legit creepy and the Sith storm or whatever the fuck was that. That can stay, it was cool.     

- Poe, the latino character, got retconned from former Republic pilot (a backstory established before TFA came out and faithfully respected ever since) into a smuggler and gang member. Classy. What does Lucaslfilm have a story group for if not for stopping stuff like this from happening? Bonus Zorii being used for a “no homo! homo? no homo?” wink wink and for generally being a poor man Solo’s Qi’ra.   

- The movie makes you worry for a character death three (3) times in a row only to immediately backpedal on it. The survivors are grieving, the scene is sober… and then suddenly! they’re alive! isn’t it wonderful? let’s insert a comical scene now that we’re at it! Sigh.   

- The whole Threepio stuff was a contrived waste of time in a movie already full of more relevant plot treads that could’ve put that screen time to better use. 

- Rey’s parents apparently aren’t assholes anymore bc they sold her into slavery to protect her from Sidious, which is… supposed to make it alright, a sacrifice in the name of love? If they had been shown trying to give her to a trusted person and then she was kidnapped that wouldn’t had been their fault, just unfortunate, but the movie shows them leaving their 5yo daughter with her in-all-but-name slaver so?? 

- Rey Palpatine… Rey. Palpatine. Gesù Cristo benedetto che minchia mi è toccato di vedere. That hurt. That was so hilariously over the top bad I just…I started laughing. On top of the entire thing, thank you so, soo much for validating all those fucking assholes who demanded Rey be connected to a powerful man in the saga to accept her powers and value, you hack. Jedi were never about power of blood and then you went and reinforced the very opposite. She ain’t powerful bc the Force recognized her as worthy to stop evil and chose to aid her anymore, she’s powerful bc grandfather was. Lovely stuff. Hilariously, now she has a lot more legit “Mary Sue” traits than before. 

- Rose’s sidelining was a blatant bow to her and her actress haters whims. If in VIII she jumped at the chance of action, now she was fearful and “had to stay behind” studying maps. Fuck that noise. 

- Even if she rejected it, underline is that the Skywalker line is wiped out and the Palpatine one thrives. I… just… wtf wtf wtf. A final “Just Rey” would’ve been more powerful -because now it would’ve been reclaimed- and less corny and in poor taste than a Palpatine taking on the Skywalker name. I’m not sure if Sidious is more offended or if he’s laughing his ass off in space!hell. Probably the 2nd. Bad.      

- The final scene on Tatooine. It rang so empty because the planet brings warm memories only to the audience, not the characters. In-universe, that place brought nothing but misery to the Skywalkers: Anakin and Shmi were brought there as slaves and lived as such for years, Shmi was tortured to death and Anakin began his descent into the dark for crying out loud. Luke had to hide and saw his relatives murdered. Leia had no connection whatsoever to the place. The mera idea of burying Anakin Skywalker lightsaber into the sands of Tatooine and considering it a way of paying respect is… I don’t know, hilariously in bad taste? Rey, dear, what did you have personally against the guy? Put those sabers to rest on Naboo! Ah, but we can’t truly acknowledge the PT now, can we? Wack.   

- It’s not TroS complete fault, that “honor” mostly sit at TFA’s feet but for all its omages, copies and almost slavish references, from a in-universe point of view it’s like the OT barely occurred. 

The same evil man has been defeated (until next time?), the Republic must be rebuilt from scratch, a evil military is all over the place and must be dealt with, the Jedi Order has to be rebuilt… it’s depressing. A new evil taking advantage of the empire leftovers would’ve been one thing, but Sidious? He’s been effectively winning nonstop ever since he was elected Chancellor. He had all the power, all the influence, all the control and he maintained it all even as a rotten corpse in exile, the entire galaxy marching on his tune, controlled by his strings. And as the cherry on top of the cake he even managed to wipe out the family that could’ve, should have been his undoing! He effectively destroyed the Skywalkers. He outlived every Jedi, every survivor, every clone. I hate this. It’s sickening. I can’t even be happy Rex was on Endor anymore.      

In general, the best word I can find for this movie is: coward. 

So blatantly desperate to please, to be “forgiven”, to reference every single irrelevant thing -except the PT and the TV series in a intelligent way-, to throw fanservice after fanservice after fanservice no matter how nonsensical from all over that crossed the “corny” to wander into embarrassing territory many times over (Maz giving Chewie a medal outta nowhere? Come the fuck on now). 

The cartoon series had twenty time the guts of this movie and I vehemently wish for Filoni to take the helm of the entire creative team in a very near future.                  

[scifinal]

DW s12e10: It's Quite Unfortunate That This Child Keeps On Regenerating

It's only fitting that the first post on a blog called "SciFinal" should be about a season finale.

Not that fitting is the fact that in said post I'm going to begin where it all started for me.

Part One: How I Even Got into This Mess of a Show in the First Place

While I call myself a huge Doctor Who fan, even a – *gasp* – Whovian, I must admit I am not as familiar with the franchise as I would like to be; I've seen the new show, I've seen Torchwood (though, admittedly, I had to force myself to finish the fourth season – but that's a story for another day), I've listened to a handful of audio dramas (including Kaldor City, which I consider to be canon for both DW and Blake's 7) – mostly Torchwood audio dramas, but who cares, – I've read a couple of comics, I've got a novel or two somewhere on my bookshelf, I've seen the first couple of seasons of the classic show, but that's about it. I can't say I grew up with it – it wasn't on TV when I was a kid, there isn't an official Ukrainian dub, et cetera, et cetera. I first heard about it when I was about thirteen, when my classmate did a project about something they liked – and was pretty dismissive of my peers' hobbies at the time, believing myself to be somewhat above them, so I didn't pay much attention.

Then somebody finally pressured me into watching it (I believe I was fifteen or something back then) and I loved it. The first two episodes of the first season, I mean. I watched those, texted my friend something like "consider me a Whovian now!" and abandoned the show completely only to return to it maybe several years later.

I loved it. This time, for real.

Doctor Who has been with me ever since that time, it has a big soft spot reserved for each and every Doctor ever in my heart, and for each and every companion. I know full well it's cheesy, and it's stupid, and it's technobabble-y, and it's glorious in all of its cheesy technobabble-y stupidity.

And I hate this finale.

Part Two: Doctor, Why

I hate this finale – because I hate Chris Chibnall. Mind you, not the gentleman himself (I don't even know what he looks like, and I can't be bothered to Google), I hate what he did to Doctor Who.

Now, when it was revealed that the would replace Steven Moffat I felt... nothing. What did you expect? I had no idea who the man was. I know now he's made Broadchurch, and I know he wrote a bunch of stuff for Torchwood back in the day, including Cyberwoman. I had to drop Broadchurch because of how well-handled the depressing atmosphere was, and I love the flawed, dumb, sexy-cyber-bikinied, almost-fifteen-minutes-of-Ianto's-whining-including (I know because some time ago I literally cut almost every single moment of Gareth David-Lloyd whimpering, moaning, groaning, screaming, and mugging at the camera out of the episode and made those bits and pieces into a beautiful clip show called "I HATE THIS" to explain exactly why his face was and still is so punchable) mindless fun that is Cyberwoman (this is also one of the two episodes in which they actually do something fun with the pterodactyl living inside Torchwood's underground base). The latter also led to the creation of one amazing in how it develops Ianto's character audio drama entitled "Broken". I love Broken. I am now forcing you to look at its cover because of how much I love it.

Here we go. Now, back to the point of me rambling pointlessly

In his video "Sherlock Is Garbage, and Here's Why", a well-known YouTuber hbomberguy pointed out how Steven Moffat's problem is that he is more than capable of writing a good one-off episodes, but ultimately fails at managing multiple complex, overarching stories, as visible when you look at the difference between Moffat's individual episodes and his run on the show.

Now, I believe that Chris Chibnall suffers from the same affliction: he's a good screenwriter but a terrible, terrible showrunner. Sure, he's made Broadchurch, but Broadchurch, in its essence, was a complete singular story with a beginning, a middle, and an end. There were no bigger, incomplete arcs expanding at the expense of other episodes, and the show did exactly what it was originally designed to do: it told an uninterrupted story.

Here comes Chris Chibnall's run on Doctor Who.

Now, while Steven Moffat was ultimately not very good at managing overarching stories, he tried to do so nonetheless, and the fans seemed to like his attempts. And while I can't be sure as to whether it was Chris' original vision for the show or he and his co-writers were merely trying to emulate Moffat, he attempted the same. A friend of mine has even pointed out how, to her, it was painfully obvious how the writers of the finale were desperately trying to copy Moffat's style (to give you some context, she grasped it from a 30-second clip of the CyberMasters' reveal, and that clip basically consisted of me filming my laptop's screen and laughing at their design, making the video wobbly and the audio distorted). At the time of writing this post this friend hasn't seen a single episode of Chibnall's era and, as far as I know, has no wish to do so – mainly because of two reasons that both have something to do with the finale:

Somebody's already spoiled it for her, so who cares;

I ranted to her about how shit this finale is and now she hates everything about Chibnall era.

I am very sorry for the latter, since I genuinely believe there are some nice episodes in these seasons, and I especially like the "historical" ones, they really are quite a lot of fun, I like Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison fighting badly CG-ed alien scorpions, I love Lord Byron and Mary Shelley running around a haunted house trying to escape from a Cyberman (even though it's all too similar to the Agatha Christie episode from Russel T Davies' run), I adore that episode about Rosa P–– oh, wait, no, that one was crap and ripped off Blake's 7... Anyway, I love Jodie Whittaker's Doctor, I am a big fan of Graham, I like Ryan just fine, and I can put up with Yaz, even though it's been two seasons and I've still got no idea what's her personality supposed to be, and I absolutely love the new Master (he reminds me of a cute little pug with a big Tommy gun). There is plenty of good stuff in these two seasons, they are lots of fun to watch, but this finale... Oh god, this finale.

Part Three: We Had All of Time and Space at Our Fingertips and We Ended Up with This

We are getting to the point of this whole thing. I would love to begin with the obvious, the twist, but there's so much wrong with this who-cares-how-many-parter than this one big thing.

It is inept. It is impotent. It is incompetent. It is bad at almost everything except its okay camera work, somewhat good (for a British TV show, I mean) effects, and its really solid performances.

Its editing is tone-deaf to the extreme. There is a moment in the final episode where Ko Sharmas asks who will be the first to cross the Boundary and step into the unknown, and immediately it cuts to Yaz walking towards it, all fast and silent. I would love to show you a clip of it, but I don't have one and I can't force myself to download the episode and sit through this shitshow again just to present you with a ten-second clip. Nonetheless, that part is not edited like a dramatic moment. You edit comedies this way. Bad comedies. Bad editors edit bad comedies this way.

Its plot is incoherent. There are several plot threads in this finale, and they're managed in a way that doesn't make the viewer care about all of them at the same time, rather the viewer goes "oh, I've completely forgotten this was happening" and then, before they can even begin to care, the show cuts to something else. It's all over the place and oh so annoying.

The plot armour is painfully obvious despite every attempt to disguise it. There wasn't a single, solitary second when I believed the Doctor was really going to sacrifice herself and, lo and behold, here comes the old guy ex machina to do it for her. The only questions I was asking at that moment were "How are the writers going to prevent the Doctor's death now that they've seemingly created themselves a way to go on forever?" and "How can Whittaker care so much about her performance in this scene she's literally almost crying?". I wholeheartedly related to the Master asking "So why are we still here?" and shout–– hiss–– mumbl–– whatever-ing "Come on, come on, come on!" – at that point I've suffered through at least forty-five minutes of utter nonsense, people going preachy, religious Cybermen with Dalek motivations, that absolutely ludicrous scene in the previous episode when the show was trying its worst to make me perceive autonomous flying Cyber-heads with laser eyes as a serious threat, a shit twist and... Oh.

I've got to finally touch on the shit twist, haven't I?

It doesn't make sense. No, I mean it. I guess it makes sense from the show's writers' standpoint to retcon everything in a way that would allow them to go on forever without having to come up with a way to circumvent limited regenerations, yes. And I won't be touching upon all the lore people say this twist has ruined. No. It doesn't make sense as it is.

The twist is revealed to us by a madman that claims to have hacked into a database, claims to possess control over the Doctor's mind, and gives the Doctor and the audience no actual solid proof that the Timeless Child is, indeed, the Doctor. We have Ruth, sure, and she's nice enough (damn, I want that vest), and she's a Timelord that happens to own a TARDIS that looks like a blue police telephone box, and she calls herself the Doctor. Here's Ruth:

I really like Ruth. She also makes no sense from the show's timeline standpoint, since the Doctor's Type 40 TARDIS only got stuck looking like a police box in 1963, so there's no reason for the Doctor to not remember being her.

We also know that the Judoon have identified Ruth as "the Fugitive"... except in one of their previous appearances in the show they weren't able to identify their targets exactly and thus were seeking out non-humans. There is a possibility that they were only looking for a Time Lord on Earth.

You know what? It's possible that Ruth is actually the Master messing with the Doctor. I have just as much proof of this as I have of the fact that the Doctor is some kind of an endlessly regenerating superbeing.

But this is not the most maddening thing here. I loathe it, but I don't loathe the twist itself: I loathe its lifelessness, I loathe how empty, how unemotional, almost robotic it feels. When somebody'd spoiled the finale for me, I got angry, and I started asking questions, and when later I saw the actual thing...

This gif. I can't even explain how accurate it is. I stood there, in the middle of my kitchen, episode paused, holding a cup of cold tea and desperately looking around as if in my surroundings I could somehow find that emotional reaction that this show failed to evoke. I was ready to burst into tears of how empty it felt, and how empty I felt, and how the same show that has Christopher Eccleston go from literally foaming at the mouth with pure hatred to shocked silence in a matter of second because of one sentence that you, a viewer, can't help but be astonished by failed to make me feel the tiniest speck of literally any emotion. And slowly, I felt that vast void in my chest fill with sheer, pure, flaming hatred for the person who made me feel nothing, for the story that left me not bored – but empty.

And the next moment, in its own unique way of being absolutely tone-deaf, the show introduces the CyberMasters, looking ridiculous, being asinine in concept, making me burst into laughter with their dumb design. Wow.

So.

Chris Chibnall's Doctor Who is no longer a show. Chris Chibnall's Doctor Who isn't even, as somebody on Stardust said, a fan fiction. It's a rollercoaster. A lackluster rollercoaster that lifts you from the vast caverns of frozen hell, devoid of any life whatsoever, soulless and abandoned, to the heavenly torture of being so bad, so utterly awful and ridiculous, that you can't help but laugh as you watch something you used to love be distorted and deformed to the point where you can't recognise it anymore nor really care. This is what Chris Chibnall's Doctor Who has become. And I'm going to continue my ride on that grotesque rollercoaster. I'm going to pirate that ride and get on it again. Because I'm a masochist. Because I want to feel something, even if it's hatred towards those that make me feel nothing.

Because some time ago my fifteen-year-old self watched the first season and learned a lesson that I hold dear after all these years – that I can't abandon hope, and that someday, somehow, things are going to get better. That the future is being written right now. That the future can change.

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Blameless? Shameless? More like Shiftless: Wrap-up

I grumbled and fumbled through the first book in the series Soulless or Brainless. I fumed and gloomed through the second book Changeless or Gormless.

Now we’re onto the last book of the (initial) trilogy Blameless or...how I originally wanted to riff it...

But, I do not have riffs for you for this book.  Why?  I thought this series would end because I would run out of energy for it.  That’s not what happened...the true reason, is that this book is BY FAR the best out of the three, and that because of that most of my riffs aren’t very funny.  Despite that, I would not classify this book as GOOD by my standards. I think it’s barely mediocre and fixed a lot of problems the other books had.  So I feel as if I have to concede a bit here.

Instead of riffs, you’ll be getting a summary and my review so I feel as if I can tie this off with a nice little bow.

Summary:

Obvious spoilers ahead.

The world is steampunk supernatural Victorian England.  Vampires and Werewolves are real things, and there are also soulless.  Soulless are another set of supernaturals that can negate the powers of vampires and werewolves with touch.  Alexia is a soulless, and is married to an important werewolf Maccon.  Alexia becomes pregnant by Maccon, however werewolves are not supposed to be able to have children.  So Maccon is convinced she cheated and abandons her.

Alexia goes back to live with her family.  She discovers her one vampire friend has split town without warning, and that every other vampire is out to kill her for this pregnancy.  However she wants to prove that the child is Maccon, so she decides to go to Italy with her friends.  Italy is a country that’s run by religious zealots out to murder every single supernatural person and DESPITE THE OBVIOUS benefits a soulless could provide that organization they treat soulless people shitty too.  However, they suspect that with all the research they’ve done, they will have some information which can prove Alexia right. So Alexia travels to Italy with her dead dad’s stoic bodyguard Floote, and with a woman who has a crush on her named LeFoux.

Meanwhile her husband Maccon is being shitfaced and angsting a bunch about this.  His 2nd in command Lyall is taking care of all his duties.  Eventually Maccon sobers up and publishes a public apology for Alexia and claims that the baby is in fact his.  Also on this end it is discovered that Alexia’s vampire friend Akeldama had his boyfriend kidnapped.  So Maccon and Lyall manage to rescue the boyfriend, murdering the head vampire and being forced to change the boyfriend into a werewolf to save his life.

On the trip to Italy they battle a bunch of vampires and meet some allies.  When they get to Italy they’re captured by the religious Zealots known as the Templars.  When the Templars find out she’s with child they lock her in the dungeon.  However with the help of her friends and Maccon they rescue her.  Maccon and Alexia make up and happy end.

My review:

The story in itself…is simply not good.  I could list you plot holes by the dozen by neither of us has the patience for that I’m sure.  I think the sticking point for me is that their whole mission feels pretty pointless. They go through all this hassle getting to Italy (which honestly seemed like a super bad idea) while also being attacked by vampires the entire time and for what?  To find out that yes she could get pregnant from a werewolf?

….Don’t we already know that since she’s uhh pregnant from a werewolf?

The lore of this book is super bad.  All the major plot points hinge on nobody understanding anything about a rare but super fascinating and important race of people.  It feels as if the author doesn’t really care about her own lore, and makes everybody in her fictional world the same. Also it’s kinda hard for me to believe, that even if female soulless are super rare that literally in this world’s whole history a female soulless has become pregnant by a supernatural person twice.  TWICE! IN IT’S ENTIRE HISTORY! SEEMS LEGIT!

But there is a reason this is the best out of the three I swear!

I think the story starts off really strong with believable and easy-to-understand exposition that draws you in.  I legit read the first chapter of this book and was like, “WHAT THE FUCK, WE’RE A GOOD SERIES NOW!?!??!”

I think a large part of what makes it better for me is that they finally treat this series like an action/adventure.  There are lot of vampire battles, fighting weird technology, and dramatic escapes using wild steampunk vehicles.  We also have Maccon fighting werewolves and vampires, and dramatically saving a person from a glass bubble from the bottom of a river.

The steampunk technology used here is just straight up really lame and forced but I think that’s easily forgiven in a silly action adventure novel.

I think the POINT of books of this nature. Is the fun action!  We also pace this all together well.  We have suspense, breaks from the action, and it’s not all the same pow pow fight scene by a long shot.  I will say there isn’t a lot of suspense that she won’t be able to make it out alive. Nobody dies or even sustains any kind of serious injury.  The protagonists seem to fight as if they’re invincible, but oddly enough LeFoux spends a lot of the later scenes almost instantly getting knocked unconscious. Which I suppose is fine to up the ante of the tension but she’s the only one who gets that treatment and she gets it a lot…which is kind weird.  

Speaking of LeFoux, I was really bummed about her and Alexia’s relationship in this book.  One of the few enjoyable things about the last book was the lesbian flirting and the unresolved sexual tension between LeFoux and Alexia.  Sure Alexia didn’t know lesbians were a THING but it was quite clear that Alexia was attracted to LeFoux.  In this book LeFoux continues to flirt with Alexia but Alexia treats it like a droll annoyance.  Quite frankly it doesn’t make any sense if you’ve read the last book.  Alexia is at her lowest point in her relationship to her shitty husband, there is mutual attraction, LeFoux treats her nicely and is very willing, they’re off on an exciting and at points romantic tour of France, Alexia is on the cusp of a huge life change without her family or her husband’s support, and LeFoux is raising a child too.  I get that Maccon/Alexia has got to be OTP and that you don’t want her to look like she would actually cheat since, cause she’s gotta be morally better than the negative reputation she’s getting in the press. Yet at no point is a relationship with LeFoux treated as even a temptation for her. There isn’t even like a sub plot where Alexia worries about hurting LeFoux’s feelings or clearly explains that they can’t be together.  LeFoux has no reaction when Alexia reconciles with her husband.  It’s not treated as fucking anything more than comedic swatting down of lesbian advances.  So honestly? That kinda made me angry.  Now Alexia did sexually assault LeFoux last book and totally doesn’t deserve her but to treat her now as they wacky queer who hits on your Mary-Sue so you remember your Mary-Sue is hot is utterly aggravating. 

The story still has the major problem of being such a no bummers train that she won’t dare give LeFoux and Alexia a messy relationship.  It could have been so much more compelling ugh!  A part of me wonders if the author originally intended for the two to get together this novel since there was all that previous build up and the set up here makes it ideal.  Yet an editor said BIG NO to it, because apparently a hero cheating in a book is considered one of the most toxic of novel poisons.  OH WELL!

But a female/female relationship that is way better in this book?  That would be the friendship between Ivy and Alexia.   In the last book, Ivy was the stupid comic relief with romantic troubles.  Alexia spent the last book just being a condescending asshole to her.  Ivy never treated Alexia’s bullshit romantic troubles with anything other than support and respect but did not get the same in return.  They did not seem like friends.  Ivy was there to make Alexia look better and for a cheap laugh at Ivy’s expense even though she does nothing wrong. That was garbage.  In this book however Ivy trusts Alexia that she didn’t cheat, gives her all her love and support, gives her tea for her trip, and competently runs LeFoux’s hat shop while they’re both away.  In exchange Alexia appreciates what Ivy is doing and treats her like a smart person capable of doing difficult tasks.

I said it before and I’ll say it again.  Ivy is MVP of this series and you CAN’T CHANGE MY MIND!

But while we’re talking about relationships the crux of this series is Alexia and Maccon. I wonder if this is my favorite book of the series because they barely interact in person. The one time at the end where they reconcile was unbearable. Basically the just barely escape the dungeon and the entire crew is standing just outside it.  Alexia goes on a tirade about how much she hates Maccon but she’s very obviously pretending to be mad at him, and it’s the most pathetic scene in the series.  It was rushed and painfully awkward.  We just immediately forget about any possible danger and the other people there so Alexia can pointlessly pout while we all pretend its agency. (It’s not.) We also than very quickly transition them to a RANDOM barn so they can have sex, which is fade to black anyway.

I can’t help but view their reconciliation as a desperate woman who’s been through a lot, wants so badly for things to be less chaotic and familiar again that she capitulates to a shit boy garbage man.  She has many, many, many reasons to be properly mad at him. She is shunned by her family, loses her job, becomes a social outcast who can’t walk down the street without being harassed, and is the target of open and constant vampire hostility.  But he publishes a public apology and now they’re even.  The public apology is talked about as ~humiliating~ but he loses nothing for it. The series tries to sell us that they’re equals in this relationship cause they sass each other.  They are not equals in this relationship.  The series never seems to acknowledge that Alexia does like 90% of the work and gets way more shit than Maccon could ever dream of. Not that the series has to have a political message, it just seems so doped up by our shit heterosexual culture that it has no self-awareness.  I dislike Alexia for being a bad person, but Maccon is a worse person who doesn’t do anything good and lives a charmed life while his wife suffers quicker and more severely.  And what do we get out of it?  Dialog that can be boiled down to…

“Let’s have sex”

“No you’re a gross terrible very bad man!”

“Oh okay, I’ll go over here to contribute nothing and whine a lot.”

“I MEAN MAYBE IT WON’T BE SO BAD TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU???????????”

“…Is that a yes?”

“YOU VERY BAD MAN WHO IS GROSS AND TERRIBLE! I WILL NEVER HAVE SEX WITH YOU.............................................................

.............................................................….unless?”

I hate it very much.

So let’s talk other characters:

Floote is boring and pointless.

Tunstell shows up briefly to be comedic relief and really bad comedic relief at that.  He shows up in LeFoux’s lab and opens with him being very afraid of her wacky technology but then immediately starts sticking his fingers in dangerous stuff. Way to contradict your character in under a paragraph.

The way Channing was established last book, while making him look like a shitbird, gave him personality. In this book he’s there as a protective prop to make Maccon look marginally better. None of his personality comes out at all, and despite the last book showing him as a romantic rival there is 0 of that in this book.  I don’t think he has more than 3 lines of dialog.

LeFoux’s one friend was also pointless and personality-less to the point I can’t even be bother to look up his name.  He existed so they could dramatically borrow his flying contraption.

The villains of this series are two-fold:

We have the Templars who are religious zealots who want to kill all supernaturals and are disgusted by Alexia’s kind despite how useful she could be.  They were not good villains because they are utterly pathetic. They let Alexia and her friends have the run of the place.  While they can go outside the compound, once captured, they’re followed to make sure they return.  However, the author did not do an adequate job making that atmosphere…even stressful. The pack of them should be frightened by this.  They should be treading on eggshells because one wrong move and it’s an inquisition for them!  …No they zip around enjoying pesto and don’t seem to have a care in the world.

Even when the fight is brought to them?  They spend their whole lives training to kill supernaturals but when they get a chance to do so to protect Alexia they’re not very good at it.  3 podunk humans managed to evade capture by the entire vampire community as they trotted through Europe but zealots trained from birth to stake vampires fall left and right when they’re attacked by them?

OH YEAH, REALLY FEELING LIKE THEY’RE A LEGIT THREAT! THANKS FOR THAT!

Oh but don’t worry we have another villain to help balance things out!

We have Langs-Dorf or whatever the fuck his name is.  He is a heartless dude who researches soulless.  He basically wants to use her for experiments so he later teams up with the Templars and spills the beans that’s she’s preggorz.  

He, like the Templars, are flaccid shit tier babies.  He’s the archetypal sniveling scientist, who can’t even outwit them.  He honestly doesn’t even really get much screen-time. I am not exaggerating when I say they dedicate more time to describing what his irritating dog gets up to than what he does.  They did that for comedic purposes, sure okay whatever.  But it’s not funny and the ankle attacking just highlights how harmless he is as well.

So Alexia’s pregnancy?  

I mean, they do try to give her a character arc on how she feels about carrying a child.  It starts with her calling it an inconvenience and just assuming she’ll miscarry eventually.  Yet later is like, “Well I guess it’s okay if it lives.”  I’m glad they tried but they didn’t do a good job. Little time is dedicated to her personal feelings on the matter and her steps in pregnancy acceptance feel disjointed. It felt very much like,

Chapter 1:

This sucks.

Chapter 10:

Well I’m not morning sick today.

Chatper 20: I guess it’s okay.

I get we can’t talk about her wanting an abortion cause EVERYTHING IS GOOD TIMES but this no-bummers train cruising straight into never-frown-town we’re on here really stamps down her ability to have a MEANINGFUL arc not just on her role of her impending motherhood but like recognizing it’s going to be whole different human being.  ISN’T HER PREGNANCY SUPPOSED TO BE THE CORNERSTONE OF THIS WHOLE BOOK?!  Like at least 50 shades had Ana recognize her pregnancy as ANOTHER POTENTIAL PERSON and that she wanted to protect it even after her shitty husband lost his mind over it.

But I mean…for Alexia it’s at least in character cause she doesn’t give a shit about anything besides herself.  Alexia has not won me over as a relatable protagonist I want to root for.  She’s self-obsessed, and dumb.  Yet the whole world clamors about how great she is. She never has consequences tied to her negative choices or personality traits. She never gets in trouble for going into dangerous situations without planning.  Nor does she get in trouble for her lack of empathy, or belligerence. What she does get in trouble for is being born a soulless woman.  It feeds her smug martyr complex and overall is pretty fucking annoying.

TL;DR

Plot and characters? Bad

But this time the story has action, suspense, good pacing, and Ivy never did anything wrong. Good!