#the whole 'they were cousins' thing wasnt even popularized

[acuar-io]

haii interview incoming about your ocs

If they were an animal what animals would they be?

Do they have any siblings? hows their relationship with family?

Where are they fromm? do they speak another language?

What's their biggest (stupidest) fear?

Favorite music genre/artist?

and last because im yapping away...are there any fun facts or deets about them youd like to share?

YAY OC ASK TIME!! I actually answered this on the app and tumblr poofed it. So im going to reanswer the questions again lol. Its going to be a long one so BUCKLE UP CUS HERE WE GO!

If they were an animal what animals would they be?

Sephtis would be a black cat 🐈‍⬛, Izara a bunny 🐇, Benny an otter 🦦 and I have really introduced him to the blog yet and gotten into his character, but Dante would be a dog 🐶 specifically a Jack Russell

2. Do they have any siblings? hows their relationship with family?

I love this question and I will get more into detail with all of my ocs in another post or in their character page (when i create one :3)

Sephtis has an older sister (three years older). They both have a good relationship with their mother, but a terrible one with their father. Their dad actually cut ties with them because they are both (according to him) "a disgrace to the company and family name" he ended up giving the company to their cousin because neither of them wanted to inherit their fathers company, nor cared about his business lol. Their father was never really there for them, their mother practically had a facade the entire marriage & fought so much for Seph and his sister to live "normal lives" as nepo babies (lol) they were pretty popular in school because of their bg which they hated. Their parents divorced Sephs senior year of hs and at that time is when his dad cut ties w him as well.

Izara is an only child. She has a good relationship with her parents. They're more on the traditional side & older people, so sometimes they dont see eye to eye, especially when she was in Junior High & High school. Izara's interests concerned them (literally just regular interests teenagers have that freak out ethnic parents bc they need theyre becoming demons or some shit lol) also didnt like that she loved art and wanted to be an artists/art curator. Eventually though, they understood that they cant control what their daughter does with her future and that is all up to her ( I think they left her alone more so because they realized she is successful in her art and modeling career).

Benny is the youngest of 4. He has 3 sisters. His relationship with his parents was really shitty growing up, sadly. He is gay & hes known that for his whole life. Having 3 sisters and being the only boy, he loved to play with dolls. His parents being very religious, seeing him play with dolls, was not something they liked. Even if he was just playing with his sisters. In school, he was bullied. There was name calling and rumors that spread around about him. His parents hated the rumors and name calling not because it hurt Benny, but because it makes them look like bad Catholics. Benny truly only had his sisters and other female friends by his side throughout school. It wasnt until high school where things seemed to change for the better. This especially were better because he had Sephtis. His parents have come around, but they def took their time to finally accept their son.

3.Where are they from? do they speak another language?

Sephtis is from Osaka, Japan (Mt. Komorebi) then moved to Los Angeles at age 4 (Del Sol Valley). He speaks English and Japanese!

Izara is from New York (San Myshuno), shes Ethiopian-American. She speaks English and Amharic.

Benny is from Quebec (have no idea what sim world would be considered Canada lol) He speaks French & English

What's their biggest (stupidest) fear?

Okay so Sephtis & Izara are afraid of movie characters LMAO Sephtis will forever be afraid of Kayako (The Grudge) movie he watched as a kid with his sister that scarred him as a child ksfkksfks. Izara specifically does not like the older Godzilla (model?? costume??) she thinks its ugly and creepy as fuck like literally nightmare looking ass creature. IS THIS NOT JUST CREEEPY TO U???

Ok I wouldnt say Benny's is stupid....hes afraid of bugs specifically roaches. I mean logically, hes bigger than them so he can step on them and kill them, but he just finds them super fucking gross that he cant bring himself to do that lol.

Favorite music genre/artist?

Sephtis' fave band is BUCK-TICK, Fave genre is Rock (I'll keep it broad because he loves a toe=ne of sub rock genres).

Izara's fave artist is PinkPantheress! For groups, she likes New Jeans, Aespa & Perfume (yes she listens to kpop/jpop). Fave genre is pop for sure!!

Benny's fave band are the cranberries!! fave genre is also rock, but he prefers alternative rock!!

and last because im yapping away...are there any fun facts or deets about them youd like to share?

Okay well, I want to share a little about Seph and Benny's relationship rq!! So they went to the same high school. Sephtis is a year older than Benny. Their paths didnt officially cross until Sephtis' senior year and Benny's junior year of high school. They met one day after school when it was raining, Benny didnt have an umbrella but sephtis did :) thats all ill say for now :3

[letterturner]

this post is just me going on a long tangent for an aesthetic im nostalgic for and a bunch of examples of it so click keep reading at your own discretion cause long post ahead

so what im talking is this sort of mid 2000s to like around 2011 neo-victorian aesthetic that also utilized a sort of gothic-circus meets cabaret style. the essence of the 2000s is there even if its not initially visible from the surface because its important to this aesthetic. i think some motifs for this are typical gothic elements like graves and crosses but also things like stripes, butterflies, ragdolls, playing cards, checker patterns, hearts (both whole and broken), chess, circus imagery, roses and rabbits. aesthetics like emo, gothic lolita, circus, goth, mall goth and even steampunk to a small degree are kinda like the cousins to this.

some artists that i think visualized this are mizna wada,

yoh

and gekidan inu curry

plus a whole bunch of others like hanamushi and dollcreep

i'd say the music genres associated with this style would be dark cabaret and baroque pop. the most popular examples would probably be panic! at the disco's first and third albums

but you also have other acts like emilie autumn

rasputina,

the dresden dolls,

and there were quite a few vocaloid song/mvs that also fit like dark wood circus, trick and treat and the riddle solver who can't solve riddles. plus i feel like a large amount of songs by kikou also match this sort of vibe

clothing wise i feel like thick stripes were really popular, especially as striped stockings. other things like victorian boots, fingerless gloves and corsets as well. i cant name just one specific clothing style but i def feel like gothic lolita and the neo victorian look really embodies this.

video games also were kinda influenced by this aesthetic but i dont think it was nearly as prominent. i think the path and alice: madness returns are probably the closest to what im talking abt

but interestly enough i think the kind of games that utilized this style the most were flash point and click games like gretel & hansel

and speaking of alice: madness returns it really does seem alice in wonderland and alice in wonderland inspired themes with a darker more gothic-y look became really popular (which think i also plays into the popularity of the neo victorian influence). this is why i think things associated with alice in wonderland like roses, rabbits and playing cards became such popular imagery with this aesthetic. i find it kinda funny when people say the 2010 version of alice in wonderland wasnt good because the color palette was "too dark/gloomy/whatever" cause it really was appealing to the aesthetics of the time which is why it did so well when it came out

for movies of this aesthetic i know tim burton is probably gonna be the most associated with this which is fair but i credit a lot of it to the costume designer for most of his movies, colleen atwood (who fittingly designed the costumes for 2010 alice in wonderland)

and even toy wise this aesthetic was visible with dolls like bleeding edge goth

living dead dolls too (and once again the alice in wonderland theme is present)

and while the style of pullip dolls is generally lighter they also produced a few dolls like this (*cough* alice in wonderland inspired yet agaain *cough*)

and last but not least,,VAMPLETS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH; i wish the original vamplets site was still up but i digress.

there are plenty of more examples like ruby gloom, black butler, the music video for fashion monster, trinity blood, shiki and monster high

[savethepinecones]

visited some family yesterday here are some highlights

- apparently my mom didnt tell anyone i was coming??

- most of the people there were my most conservative relatives

- one of my uncles said something about me and he paused for a second and i could see him trying to decide what pronouns to use lol (he ended up misgendering me. hes usually supportive but he also doesnt want to get involved in The Discourse that would happen if it were addressed directly which like. i totally get. tbh not upset about this)

- the last time i saw my grandpa i kicked him out of his exwifes house because he showed up while we were cleaning it out after her funeral and was trying to poke around all her stuff. theyd been divorced for 40 years and he just. showed up?

- my mom didnt tell him i was gonna be there

- he disappeared after like an hour or two and was gone for like five hours. no one knew where hed gone or why hed left. the gathering was at his house

- hes got a huge yard and got my 13 year old cousin to mow the whole thing. cousin was excited because he got to use a riding lawn mower

- cousin took a break and forgot to put the blade down when he went back. everyone (minus gpa) was sitting on the porch talking. uncles tried to call to him that the blade wasnt down but he couldnt hear. a couple minutes later he figured it out and looked so defeated. literally put his head in his hands for a minute lmao

- super conservative uncle started using my preferred name!! got my number to send me some pictures hed taken and even double checked how to spell it. i consider this a huge win

- we played croquet and yall im actually pretty good at it????

- conservative uncle invited me to do some sightseeing with his family since my mom didnt want to go

- one of his kids kept talking to me. weve only met a couple times so i wasnt expecting this. this has happened a couple times lately with some cousins and every time im so surprised like wtf this child thinks im cool?? but apparently im popular with my cousins. no idea how that happened lol

- after my grandpa got back he referred to me as a young lady every time he acknowledge me. hes a passive aggressive fucker but i was at his house so i think i came out on top here

- conservative uncle deadnamed me and then corrected himself immediately. my grandpa then corrected him with my deadname

- after we left i mentioned the stuff hed said and my mom dismissed it as me being paranoid but when she heard he corrected my uncle she was like "oh yeah he was being shitty then" like yeah i knew that was gonna happen before we even got there idk why youre surprised but okay

- cool uncle had left before grandpa got back so my mom called him after we left to update him and complained about how my grandpa treated me. apparently my uncle said something about him being like that because of his generation. my mom replied that my stepdad is in the same generation and is great about my pronouns etc so its not because of that. proud of my mom for pointing that out

-conservative uncle and i actually get along aside from the whole him ignoring my pronouns thing?? not like we were talking about politics or anything but like i wasnt expecting the small talk to be so chill yaknow?

- i got v sunburned which is ridiculous because i was sitting in the shade all day

- oh also i got to meet cool uncles baby and he smiled at me yayy

- all in all it went way better than i thought it would!

[teatitty]

“Patroclus and Achilles were cousins” really fucking depends on who you think the mother of Patroclus was because let me tell you there’s a lot of debate around that. We know for a fact his father is Menoetius, but his mom? Either Sthenele, Periopis, Polymele, Philomela or Damocrateia

All of the above were wives of Menoetius but there’s no Definitive Answer as to who was the mother of Patroclus. Periopis was the daughter of Peres, Polymele was Achilles’ half-sister and daughter of Peleus, Sthenele the daughter of Acastus, Damocrateia was the daughter of Aegina and Zeus and Philomela’s bloodline is completely unknown!

There is only a 1 in 5 chance that Achilles and Patroclus are related to eachother so like. If you want to go the classic “its greek myth everyone was doing incest back then” sure you absolutely can but there’s also...other options, like, Right Here that you can choose from instead. Just saying

[shadowfiredemonwolf]

the bad defenses to korrasami or bb ( the but there arent many canon lgbt rep ships defense) and other things

  with korrasami I recall one person going korrasami is the only same sex ship in lok claiming that if you arent alright with that you  dont care about the lgbt community 

sorry you can still carea bout lgbt rep and lgbt community and still say that korrasami shouldnt have happened even if it  meant there were not examples of lgbt rep in legend of korra because good writing is more important then lgbt rep

for korrasami was just a last minute retcon that came at the cost of breaking the narrative ( which pointed to makorra) by throwing korrasami in at the last two minutes at cost of korra being ooc ( her going on a vacation is completely ooc) korra and asami were barely friends they barely interacted with each other  you cant claim censorship prevented them from even interacting that much

while narrative pointed to makorra ( heck in the very finale itself when they talked about not finding korra they focused on makos worry not asami ) 

mako was the one who went with korra to confront zaheer while asami did nothing and would have no reason not to go) mako was the one who supported her

korra in remembrances asami tried to help her going of course we need you youre the avatar  which failed  (because korras whole problem was focusing on her being the avatar)

mako got a speech about what korra meant to him as a person tenzin helped korra by focusing on korra the person. 

asami and korras personalities were incompatible with each other and barely friends  (you have to wear shipping goggles to see any evidence like the car scene claim in v3 which was the first time they were friends ( or the but the letter argument ( one letter which korra sent as venting doesnt mean closeness ) 

it doesnt really matter that korrasami not being canon would mean there wasnt any lgbt rep (its funny how people try to act like we should be okay with makorra not being canon because there are other shows where the hets hip becomes canon as if thats all we care about the genders involved which comes off as projecting they are focused on the fact there arent many same sex ships htat are canon  they would be upset at it not being canon just based on the genders involved

) sorry but it doesnt matter that there arent many canon same sex ships good writing is more important  this reminds me of a post about  the argument people try to make for blackwashing white characters that there are way more white characters available when there is the option of just making new characters and doing your best so  they will get attention/popularity the work that  characters  like peter or wolverine got they werent popular from the start but they got more popular overtime  due to people falling in love for those characters  even if at first they dont get that much attention this happens with all types of shows 

rather then forcing a same sex ship at the last minute make a show with the canon same sex ship which got buildup , development etc that it should get ( even if you have to be subtle about it. ( lets say if mako was a girl and asami  was a guy or if korra was a guy from the start  I would still ship makorra and korra/asami ship would be almost nonexistent  I feel like part of the reason korra and asami was popular was due to irrational hate for mako and the fact they are two attractive girls  the whole you would ship it if it was a het ship accusation comes off as projection

 ( to be honest  I hear people bring up censorship  with sailor neptune and uranus but one of the things I hear was that they didnt change anything else about it so people still found it weird that just cousins were that close  ( coincidentally from what I hear in  japan cousins dating isnt considered weird so in japan a same sex couple who involved 2 cousins  wouldnt be weird  )   I dont mean anything  by putting it hear its just a thought I had)

and same thing with rwby ( the accusation that if you dont support a specific same sex ship  say its forced in favor of a het ship you somehow dont care about the lgbt community or that we have t osupport that specific same sex ship because of lgbt rep is a idiotic argument especially when I hear the same people who claimed ilia being gay was bad because she was on the bad guys side  by their logic they should be happy just because its lgbt rep you shouldnt care about anything else besides that its rep 

of course the claims of psycho lesbian  was bs but their logic is that all that matters is lgbt rep adn that we have to support it  no matter what when they try to act like we have to support bb because its a same sex ship that its lgbt rep

when it reeks of direction change 

they gave blacksun years of teasing mutual attraction and development since v1 to v6 goodbye scene while bb didnt get anything

sun was very important for blakes character development and followed her to help her out not caring about getting anything out of it

( I find it funny when they try to call blake and yang  beauty and beast played straight  as romantic ship when it fits blacksun more given the above mentions)   with adam being an inversion/subversion ( people  try to claim that it was planned from the start  if it was then why was it done so badly why didnt they start teasing it until v7 at worst ( last two eps of v6 at best though nothing there was inherently romantic  moment all of it could be considered platonic moments ( I have seen some bb shippers try to use the other romantic moments for a different ship as a stepping stool for bb ignoring the context , the way the characters acted etc were different

like the argument that since renora got a plane scene that means that blake and yang having a moment on the plane scene where their hands touched is romantic when the way the characters acted and the scenes were portrayed were different not to mention renora being flagrant since v1

renora: plane scene focused solely on them and nora did lay head on shoulders thing as the music about noras love for ren is brought up and the scene is solely focused on them 

the blake and yang moment: a moment where blake was feeling pset yang holds her hand to comfort her reciprocating the motion blake did  when yangs hand shook  ( which blake also did when weiss was facing jacques ( she held her hand in the same way )  and ruby also proceeding to comfort blake it was more like a team rwby scene 

there is no doubt in my eyes that if sun and yangs genders were swapped or blakes gender was swapped  their would be crys of queerbaiting people would say it doesnt matter that the songs had the words black the beast or yellow beauty in them.

(lets be real here the songs arent canon in rwby and the fact that blake and yangs songs include those lines doesnt = them being planned from the start 

its ignoring the idea that blake and yang could both end up in relationships with different people with someone representing the beast or beauty etc with them just having a platonic relationship  and those lines being there to emphasize the partnership ( I mean adam had  multiple allusions to beast but he ended up an enemy they have no problem pulling twists on allusions or not retelling the story  due to that being too predictable )

there was even a post talking about sun being the yang to blakes yin  and the beauty to her beast and there beign someone who would need to be yangs yin /beast ( there wouldnt be anything wrong with this )

lets be real here with bumbleby you cant even whine and go there woldnt be any lgbt couples

there is also freezerburn ( I know a good number of anti bb people who either out right ship it  or say they should have just done that if they wanted to have a same sex ship involving two girls in team rwby) or possibility of yang being paired up with a side character etc ( if we are focused on yang) if you want a mc to be lgbt

ignoring the lgbt side characters like jaunes sister

its funny how they would complain about a  lgbt characters being on the bad guys side even if they are meant to have redemption nad change sides

then they will talk about just wanting a lgbt character for another show when it comes offf as them just wanting a specific character to be lgbt or specific characters to be in a same sex ship

It reminds me of a post someone made complaining that when there is a popular same sex ship  they either pair them up with men 

or have one of them end up in a same sex ship with someone else which just illustrates that its not about lgbt rep its their specific same sex ship they ship.   like imagine  this scenario  instead of yang being with blake she would be with weiss) 

it shows that they jst  use the fact its a same sex ship as a shield from criticism or claim it should happen just because its a same sex ship  if that was all about they should be happy about their being a same sex ship period a typical ship war  only their defense is colored by lgbt rep ( not to mention some people fetishizing that stuff)

 I even recall hearing about bb shippers attacking freezerburn shippers saying it would be better for freezerburn to be canon while blacksun happens given that blacksun got years of teasing mutual attraction and development that it would be bad writing to  throw it out.if it was just about wanting a same sex ship they should be okay with  freezerburn.

or to use this regarding lgbt characters they should be okay if the first lgbt character ending up being with the villain side or say its wrong to criticize any faults with the lgbt character )

if all that matters if itsgood writing 

it reminds me of this statement

‘Final Fantasy XVI’ Producer On The Game’s Alleged Lack Of Ethnic Diversity: “We Simply Want The Focus To Be Less On The Outward Appearance Of Our Characters” ( the notion that its wrong or racist to make a game with a lack of ethnic diversity rolls my eyes)

people should be allowed to focus on the characters in the ship , the characters relationships etc rather then filling in a quota which doesnt need to be met the notion that there needs to be a quota for a lgbt characters is bs it doesnt matter that korrasami  is the only same sex ship still shouldnt have happened there wouldnt be anything wrong with that

caring about lgbt people doesnt mean you have to demand or think there should be a quota for lgbt relationships  in a show writing a show where there isnt a same sex ship doesnt make you homophonic   and  the but korrasami is the only same sex ship put having lgbt ships canon above whether or not you think its good writing.  and will baselessly try to use the genders involved as a shield by claiming homophobia which means nothing its just a ship

and the fact they go route says to me that deep down they now korrasami was nonexistent but because of desire for lgbt rep either fetishizing it or due to a genuine desire for lgbt rep and having a bs idea that because there were tons of canon het couples it would be okay to throw away one het couples buildup for a last minute retcon  is annoying

that they are the ones who let genders involved blind their view of the ship

same thing applies to bb it was popular from the start because they were two girls they were friends but didnt get anything hinting at romance till v7 while they took  any postiive interaction even the most minor  as evidence for their ship wearing thick shipping goggles like v3 finale trying to claim adams statement about destroying everything blake loves which includes friends and family. to try and claim it means yang is a romantic interest when it doesnt  while trying to do the best to ignore the actual teasing mutual attraction and development blacksun got since v1 finale to v6 ep 1 goodbyee scene which wasromantic   in portrayal)

like someone trying to turn him into a wingman when he never was he tried to get blake sent to her friends   Ihave seen people try to bs and claim there was anything about the scene he saw in v3 that would point to blake having romantic feelings when it was blake being upset that her friend lost her arm because of her

I even saw someone try to claim that sun not getting injured permanently is evidence  which is bs

or going well blake didnt got shield sun from ilia after he got hurt ignoring that ilia immediately focused o nher while adam went towards yang to hurt her more .

( adam knows nothing about blakes relationship with yang  

( none of the v6 finale moments were inherently romantic  I have seen people argue that since renora got a plane scene that means blake and yang scene must be romantic no it doesnt and the way the characters were acting were different basically framing and context are different

which points to renora being romantic and blake and yang being platonic moment 

sun winking at blake in v1 being viewed as ship tease doesnt mean we have to view yang winking at blake like that yang asking blake for the dance isnt romantic friends can dance 

the framing and context for blacksun scene pointed to ship tease angelic choir the slow motion and focus on blakes face while nothing about yang winking was treated as special  if you were to remove the names and genders and showed these two scenes two someone they would pick blacksun for romantic ship not to mention yang winked at many people before 

while blacksun dance got actual focus

to quote something I have seen before

I think my initial disdain for the way Sun and Neptune are written came from how sick and tired I am of straight ships being forced on the audience when lots of us are in the lgbta community. Part of it was because my gay ships were sinking I’ll admit but honestly I’m just sick of forced straight ships especially in one of the only shows with enough well written female characters to /actually/ have believable gay ships. I don’t think I hate Sun and Neptune but I do hate how forced the ships are.

I think this is all the explanation needed(and all you need to dismiss people trying to take moral superiority over liking Bumblebee). Something the toxic side of the fandom loves to do is project and project hard. They cannot understand why someone would not think like them or like the things they do unless there’s something wrong with them or they contextualize it through what they themselves would do.And that’s one of them accidentally explaining how that relates to Bumblebee: wasps like it because it’s a gay ship. They thought Black Sun was forced because it was not a gay ship. Therefore, since everyone must either think like them or be defective, clearly you think Bumblebee is forced because it’s not a straight ship. You don’t like it because it’s gay.“

basically they are just calling blacksun forced because it was a straight ship if sun was a girl they wouldnt make that claim so I cant take anytime I hear someone try to pull the you would ship bb if it was a m/f pairing  or wouldnt be calling it forced if it was a m/f pairing for if sun was a woman and yang a man they wouldnt be shipping bb and would call bb forced

the idea that its possible 

( the idea that if you had two possible same sex ships to make “believable” ( in the opinions of the guy above )  then you should make  them happen is bs the writers should make the ships that   they want canon (as long as its well written and has proper buildup throwing away the buildup for another ship like in a last minute retcon  or sudden direction change will earn my annoyance because with korrasami it was just a publicity stunt with bb it comes off as either an attempt for ratings boost or due to it being popular with certain vas ( even if it was originally planned from the start I would think its best to scrap the old plan given all the buildup they put in for blacksun like how how i met your mother people should have scrapped the original plan its a mix of doing what is best for the story and when they come up with ships do what they want but if the writing points in a certain way they  should go in that direction    ( I do not think blacksun was ever a red herring you dont give a red herring that much build up) 

 if they chose not to make any same sex ships involving rwby that would be fine  its projection when they accusse people of saying bb is forced based on the genders involved when they detested blacksun because it was a het ship.

the idea that because team jnpr got paired with each other and were a team of m/f partners its obligated to have the same happen with rwby is idotic its not double standards to do that

adam has a hatred for humanity he is a racist he would detest two humans working together)

when it comes to ships the genders involved is just a minor part and should never overcome the other parts of the characters interaction with one another , the cues that went in , the focus that went into the characters , the actual ship tease for the characters  etc

things like genders involved or diversity is irrelevent compared to that if say at the start of rwby you went I want bb and white rose to happen  that would be fine there wasnt anything in the show that went against that the show was just about to start

but if you complained about the ships being teased because they were teasing the characters  into het ships like blacksun instead of the same sex ship on  the basis of it being a het ship  (when there was nothing in the show interactions that hinted at bb the fact that there were feasible same sex ships is irrelevent  as long as they werent actually hinting at those ships in the show )  or complained about people shipping them that is wrong   like bb shippers who complained about people shipping blacksun after v1 when blake and yang didnt even interact. 

and using the genders involved of a ship to shield your ship as criticism because people put writing as more important then something irrelevant like that 

with lok case they could always hope for a canon same sex ship happening in another show 

 ( korrasami was forced as hell)

and in rwby its not like  bb was the only possibility for a canon same sex ship involving a member of team rwby

even if it was there were other lgbt characters if they chose not to have any of team rwby be into girls that would be fine ( you dont like to accept it or try to claim anyone who says this would be mad at 4 girls being into girls but no the only thing that would earn my annoyance is with bb case which feels forced and reeks of direction change  due ot the buildup to blacksun while bb got nothing  you  have to twist any minor moment  even the most platonic moment to see as evidence  wearing shipping goggles) like going but yang was upset about blake leaving 

its especially annoying when people try to use the popularity to claim its popularity means that there was actual things teasing it when no it really doesnt zutara was most popular ship in atla but there was nothing to the ship

.

lok korrasami was just popular due  the fact korra and asami were cute girls and to irrational hate for mako for daring to be flawed in a way that cant be romanticized  and mishandled a love triangle  ( korra was just as responsible for the kiss in b1 ( and the notion that mako needed to be punished for his mistake in b1 and b2 is absurd mako not being specifically punished  and getting into a relationship with korra in b1 isnt him being rewarded for his mistake  korra got what she wanted in the end of b1 lok always acknowledged makos mistakes and that he was in the wrong in b1   ) so they shipped korrasami out of spite doing that tumblr post says of pairing two girls in a love triangle together rather then the guy that got actual teasing

korra and asami were barely friends they barely interacted with each other ( people try to claim censorship prevented it but censorship wouldnt have prevented korra and asami from interacting  which would actual show that they were friends that asami could support korra

bryke admitted they didnt even ask  until the middle of the finale

 but asami failed while mako succeeded  mako was there when she went to confront zaheer asami wasnt and mako knew what he needed to do to support her letting her go on her own .

mako in remembrances got a speech about korra and what she meant to him as a person etc

asami just went she is the AVATAR of course we need you which failed korras whole problem was seeing herself as the avatar first it was tenzin who helped her by framing it as how she grew as the person says to me a nock against asami. asami and korras personality is incompatible with each other  while mako and korra overcame the mutual flaws that led to the b2 break up ( that was framed in a way that said they would someday get back together that they still have feelings for each other

) neither of them were ready for a relationship at that time and wouldnt have worked with anyone

korra was ooc in the last minute of lok

and  I find the appeal to popularity argument annoying because a ship being popular doesnt mean there is actual evidence for the ship it just means people like it and I dont think anyone who makes that argument has any right to condemn reylo or zutara  etc

[pwnyta]

Some PKMN Doodles~ under the cut~

Marcella and Kreetan have grown a lot over the years... as you see.

Kreetan has to share Zippo whos very popular.

He is taking Zippo away. Good bye.

Zippos mom and dad~

Ellis parents didnt want her marrying Iggy because he was not an Arbok.... so he made himself an Arbok by tattooing his wings in devotion to her and by extension... her whole clan. (her tattoos are all covered by clothing)

Iggy tattooing is a rather big thing with his people because theres this whole thing about bad Chars and them being marked for their crimes... but he loves his wife more than his reputation (and others Chars tend to know him and like him anyways... its probably just the older generation BACK IN MY DAY only criminals got their wings tattood!!!) Iggy said... ‘I’ll take the Elle.‘

Baby Elli with her dad. Her dad is mostly a very serious dedicated fella... but hes got a super soft spot for his grandson even though he wasnt so sure about Iggy.

New turtle lad.

Since hes a turtle...

Owen is a wild and excitable battler.... maybe too excitable. He bonds with people by getting his ass beat .. if someone can beat his ass he will respect that person but its been getting harder to do the older and more experienced he gets. Hes also very straight forward and has not a single ounce of shame which is very embarrassing for his teammates and tho he may seem like a huge dummy hes actually quite smart and is good at reading people...

I colored Darla and her Galarian cousin... who I didnt give a name I think... Karina! Maybe. Anyways theyre very cute.

Darla is a very peppy, sweet gal who enjoys training with her dad but she is a bit soft hearted so the chances of her becoming a battler... not likely.

Karina on the other hand... she could bust a knee cap or to... at least in defense of her beloved cousin.

A very sensitive ice cream. She likes playing in her teachers feathers... but none have fallen out before! Oh no!! She loses her ability to float when shes sad... thats how she ‘melts‘.

Delilah is very diligent in her pursuit of feathers if she sees one drop she teleports immediately... she does fall asleep a lot tho and thats the other girls chance to catch up!

The teeny tiny feathers on the top of Mr Shandras wings arent as valuable it seems but Holly likes them and keeps them in the dense fur of her tail.

Addi would like to use her big feather like a sword but shes too scared it will break!!

Mr Shandras shed feathers are a valuable commodity to his girls.

...I havent drawn my priest Houndoom and his gaggle of obsessive possessive ghosts in awhile...

Ulla thinks there are places for the father to be. Ulla is one of the more reasonable ghosts but she also does her own thing and sometimes picking up Flaminio and putting him somewhere else... just happens. Maybe its an aesthetic choice or maybe shes protecting him from a spooky Shedinja...

Thats quite enough of that

....Now for some more new designs!

Mani is a Lonely male Noctowl. He only really had his dad growing up and unfortunately for him his dad might have been a little crazy and very paranoid that people were out to get him. He drilled it in Manis head that no one but him and his sister could be trusted and then he was murdered... and Mani inherited all that paranoia and dedicated himself to protecting and training his sister... just in case he was murdered too. He usually wears a hood and mask which he will only take off around his sister or if hes by himself.

Aelia is a Jolly female Pidgeot. An up and coming young battler trained by her brother. She never thought she’d be good at it but once she got stronger she became a little addicted (and secretly she saw her brother get beat up once and knows he was too soft and she wanted to protect him too). Shes very strong but her technique could use some work... its not like her brother had any training either. She never really knew her parents and has not connection to them... she just knows theyre both gone and to her the only person that matters is her big brother who has always been with her. She does wear her fathers old coat though...If Mani has kept it so long than it must mean a lot and she wants to make him proud.

Mani has battled for money... hes not very good but he can take a hit and hes quick and made enough money to take care of Aelia... she was never happy about it tho.

Manis full outfit covers most of himself and his face... cuz he doesnt want anyone to recognize him (completely oblivious to the fact that if someone did know him as a kid they probably wouldnt recognize him now... hes unbelievable stressed out by his sisters insistence to wear their fathers coat.)

[hallaevak]

skam thoughts

hi ok i’m bored n sick so i’m here to give my (maybe unpopular? idk) thoughts on skam + remakes. i have seen most* remakes, but i’ll mention if i have not seen a particular season or not

first off: basic opinions (favorite remakes, favorite characters, etc)

fav jonas/eva remake:

- skam nl (kes/isa) - isa is, in my opinion, the most relatable eva remake. she’s so sassy and lovable! in general i’m not the biggest fan of the season 1 plot, but i think all jonas/eva pairings, chemistry wise, have been phenomenal. isa/kes are just a little bit more impressive in my opinion.

fav noorhelm remake

- this will be of no shock, as this is quite a popular opinion, but wtfock (senne and zoë). most william remakes kind of suck, and the general character dynamic between noora and william is not something i like. i enjoy the plot but a lot of williams are just...ew. i’m interesting in skam españa interpretation (nora and alejandro) but i can’t fully judge their season until it’s over. zoë is such a wonderful character and senne is actually not a dick! i sobbed when they broke up in s3.

fav evak remake

- i’m tied. either skam france/wtfock. i love the (for some reason controversial) dynamic between sander and robbe. i also love elu, like the basic bitch i am. elliott demaury OWNS me.

fav youssana remake

- honestly, i kind of didn’t like any of them (that are released). there’s only two out there, druck and skam france, and i didn’t like any. i’m sorrryyyy i just love sana bakkoush and no one could ever be better than her. oof! disclaimer i have not watched all of amira’s season/druck s4. i wasn’t personally interested but the acting was phenomenal.

alright now to remake-specific comments.

SKAM, the original, the og, love of my life, scandi legend that started this obsession

- honestly one of the best teen shows i’ve ever seen. the development of characters is so prominent. the acting, for mostly amateur teenagers, is mind blowing. maybe american shows just suck? but i’m absolutely in love with every character. they show such realistic stories and i applaud the skam team + actors for portraying their stories so well.

- the one comment i have is the noorhelm relationship. i just? i don’t like it. when i first watched skam i loved it. noora was hilarious (still think that) and the perfect independent woman model. i also liked william. i just wished they showed more of his vulnerability because his kind of static character is not doing it for me. he doesn’t show any evolution or change. idk, he’s still a wet fish in my eyes. obv this has no shade to the actors, thomas hayes is lovely. his character? not so much. i could write a whole essay on how flawed and dislikable william is.

now, the first remake: skam france

skam france, oui oui baguettes this remake really tickles my fancy

- as someone who kind of understands french, i really do like this remake. i have some issues with s1 and s2 but overall it is a solid remake. being the first, it makes sense for the seasons to seems little unoriginal. i still love emma and manon but their characters aren’t very authentic.

- s3 is where they really nailed it. elu’s immense popularity is only a testament to how truly wonderful the season is. the acting, the characters, slight changes in plot. i loved it. a lot.

- i wasnt impressed by s4 but it might just be my extreme love for iman meskini. no one could ever replace her.

- BUT S5. OH BOY. ROBIN. MY BABY. he is such a good actor and i love arthur he MUST be protected! i love that his shame is not romantically related. also as someone who is interested in deaf culture wow! i’m impressed by the research done by skam france. not only is his the first original season but it is excellently executed. noee is my mother i love her.

druck, likely the most liked remake to which i do not disagree with that statement

- druck is legendary. i really appreciate the small changes in plot and character dynamics that create an identity for each remake and druck is so so good at doing that. mia’s season is lovely and so is matteo’s, as well as the other two. i did not finish amira’s season as wtfock s3 started and i was a little too invested in that haha but i liked what i saw. the mia/noora drama annoyed me but it was okay. i saw it in the way how we all beg for evak/elu/nicotino/etc content in later seasons but then complain when noorhelm/jonas and eva content occur in later seasons, which is weird at best or just fetishization of gay couples at worst. take ur pick. i like it when previous plot lines kind of intertwine into the current ones as it shows that people’s shakes are not temporary and have immense effects on others (which is the point of skam, right?

skam italia, the controversial remake that said bye and then uno-reversed itself (thanks netflix)

- a lot of people don’t like skam italia. it’s understandable, as the actress for sana is not a woc or muslim. however, it is slightly understandable (but not defendable, i was way too disappointed when i found this out) given italy and it’s cultural background. it astonished me that they could even produce an isak remake due to their pretty strong religious beliefs. italy is very much roman catholic, and gay marriage isn’t even legal there (this is the only skam where gay marriage is not legalized). so i give them major props to facing potential backlash in producing s2/marti’s season. it makes sense for there to not be a muslim/woc actress because of the demographics in italy. ww1 and ww2 really spun a number on italy’s race, as many jews and romas as well as pretty much any non-italian ethnicity were kicked out. this creates barriers especially when it comes to hiring a woc actress. skam italia is already breaking barriers when it came to controversial topics (literally all of skam would be controversial in italy’s alt-right view, it seems). tl;dr: kudos for being able to produce a pro-gay show but shame for not being able to hire a woc actess.

- i loved marti’s season as was a fan of the other two seasons. they’re well produced and beautiful and more dramatic than the other skams imo! the soundtrack is absolutely gorgeous.

skam austin, the american cousin no one seems to like that really lives up to the american stereotype

- ok. when i first saw austin/the fact that they made an american remake, i hated it. disgusting. i hâte america as it is. it was cringey, the acting was bad (i’m sorry i’m sorry), and it got rid of the charm that skam had.

- when i watched it a second time around, i changed my mind. i think grace’s season redeemed it a lil bit. it’s living proof that skam remakes must be watched twice or more to fully formulate an opinion. it’s still cringey but i mean, it’s very accurate to american culture. i’m ashamed to say that i, an american, have said many phrases that austin has used.

- skam austin isn’t THAT bad as people make it out to be. i think americans esp are uncomfortable with a skam from their own culture, myself included. and it’s fine to not vibe with it and prefer other skam remakes. i think the actors are okay, better when i saw it the second time, and the editing/music/videography is beautiful (ofc julie andem is a part of it). people give it crap for being american.

skam nl, may she rest in peace or pull an italia and 180 us

- man i was so depressed when i heard that lucas vdh was not getting his season. lucas is downright one of my favorite isak remakes and his story would’ve been so interesting.

- besides that, skam italia has one of the best eva seasons. it is my favorite and is usually a lot of others favorites as well. isa is just so relatable. liv’s season is also incredibly well produced. i didn’t hate noah! it was a miracle come true. he redeemed the william character if only for one remake.

- my one comment/critic isn’t even that serious. it’s just? dutch? it sounds so...weird. i’m a stupid american but i cracked up at things that were definitely NOT jokes because of the language. i’m sorry netherlands/holland i do not mean to laugh.

skam españa, also controversial for good reasons but also conflictingly good

- alright folks. i am confused with skam españa. i don’t know if i love it or like it.

- hear me out. we all know of the controversy with the panphobic comment that nora made. it was stupid and uncalled for and really disrespected the whole pan community of viewers. now, not many people are pan but for a show where an original character (even bech næsheim, love of my life) is canonically pan? it was kind of a slap to the face.

- besides the comment i loved cris’ season. it was refreshing to get an isak season where it was a she, one, and where isak was not living with his eskild but instead had a family. it was also beautifully shot and i love irene with my entire heart.

- that said, i liked eva’s season. nora’s season is interesting. maybe it’s because it’s the first i’ve watched multiple seasons live (españa and france) and have no attention span and is more interested in skam france s5? idk. the clips aren’t really doing it for me. i love the viri clips but the nora clips are eh. she just seems very...in genuine? idk. i also hate miquel get his ugly ass out of here. i can’t fully analyze the season until it’s over but i’m not really interested in it. i also don’t like the noorhelm plot or dynamic at all so that may be it.

wtfock, or another controversial remake that imo shouldn’t be controversial

- wow. i love wtfock. s1 was rocky and i wasn’t sure of how it would be. s2 SLAPPED ME THRU THE ROOF. god i love senne de smet so much. zoë is actually redeemable??? and oh my god milan is my favorite eskild like please adopt me.

- season 3 was the first one i watched live. i arrived to the skam scene late so i didn’t get to experience march madness aka 5 live skams at once and i wish i did. but wow. willem ds and willem h really are one of the main reasons why wtfock s3 did so well. they’re amazing actors with incredibly chemistry.

- the controversy that imo should be controversy: the gay bashing scene. i was surprised at the backlash. people were upset over the fact that they showed such...intense events without immediate remediation. it’s understandable to be mad but? they were criticizing things that had no correlation with the scene, like the willems’ acting or the music picked. it was very wild. they also did a lot of bitching about how lgbt people should see gay bashing because it’ll bring back bad memories and that skam was for the gays only and should cater for only lgbt people. which i heavily disagree with. 1) gay bashing in media is so prevalent and downright important. things can’t be fluffy gay all the time. this happens in real life and does such a great complement to noor’s comment about how no one cares that robbe is gay because it’s 2019. THAT. IS. SO. IMPORTANT. it’s so so important to realize that despite the strides made for lgbt people, gay bashing and violent homophobia. still. exist. also. i would like to direct you to these examples of gay bashing where no one blinked an eye : queer as folk, where s1 justin gets bashed in at his prom and has difficulties drawing; s2 (i think? may be s1) skam españa where lucas rubio gets bashed; skam s4 where even and isak encounter a homophobic dick; these examples are endless. the one thing that miffed me the most was that many critics acted as if they were forced to watch wtfock and therefore criticize its every move. like no? you have a choice? no one is forcing you. quite the opposite! wtfock is geoblocked! you’re actually forcing yourself because you’re taking the time to find illicit resources in order to watch it! alright man i’m done with this rant. many also criticized the writing of the show. it was shaky but watching it a 2nd time, where all clips were released, was so much better when it came to clarity. many ‘poor writing choices’ made sense in the larger picture. again another example that you should watch skam remakes twice to understand the big picture.

- tl;dr wtfock is lovely and should not be criticized for one wrong move.

thank u for hearing me out. i have strong opinions but a frail heart. pls be nice!

[crystu-cii]

YEP XDD

XDD Oh wow- I didn't play bedwars much in the past (servers were weird on PE so I had to actually find server codes n stuff-) but I'm actually really good at eggwars ngl- I soloed a teams of 4 match once XD

Oh wow XDD

Kinda random(what isn't tho XD) but do you ever want to pick up a slang word cause it's a fun word and you wanna use it but get worried people will make fun of you for using it-

oHhHHh i do that too- i only played on PE because i only knew how to record videos on mobile- and oh god- the videos are still up there with my shitty VOICEEE like i sound so deaddd- XDD but DANGGGG that sounds hella pro :OO

and OMGGOGMG YEAH I DO- i cant remember what slang words i wanna use- but i FEEEL THATTT- even for acronyms and shit- my cousins made fun of me one time for saying YOLO xDDD AND HONESTLY I also do that with vocab words i dont even know the full meaning to- and whenever im texting the word- i would also search the definition up just to make sure ive actually been using that word correctly my whole life- or to make sure that itS EVEN A W O R D XDD

also even works with just random sayings or smth- i used to say "sksksk" WAYY before it was a vsco girl thing (or maybe it was a thing but it wasnt popular then- i would always just say sksksk cause i thought its funny and better than just KEYSMASHING NONSENSE AKFJIAJGPWJGOAO) XDD

but saying slangs or funny phrases are easy when you were there when they started- like "sus-" XDD the words i say is possibly based off my messed up humor- XD

[imhereonthekitchenfloor]

“connecting the dots to who I am” who are you? and why are you blacklisted (what does that even mean)

HAHAHAHA OKAY! Backstory time! This will be long! So basically growing up I was in this club where we would do a bunch of educational projects and show animals at the fair. My family has been in it for 4 generations. But a lot of other people in the club were too and they had generational old beef with my family. So they were really mean to me and my sibilings and my family our whole lives. Their parents would make sure things were rigged for them. My cousins would suck up to them. But I wasnt going to let people walk all over me so I learned very early on that you need to stand up for yourself especially when you know you are in the right. Because I learned this early on, I have never been afraid to talk to people when they are being rude or stand up for myself. It solves issues much faster.

So when I first joined this fandom, it was right after the drought where Taylor was offline for a year. The only people still here seemed to be popular blogs. Everything was run a certain way and those with significant followings were happy with it (because they were the ones who had formed the culture). But there were a lot of issues with the fandom and people were annoyed if you ever brought it up. (Excessive self reblogging, racism, homophobia, treating others like you were better for your Taylor interaction, merch prices, etc.) And when I made this blog I was never afraid to call bad behavior out (but in a nice way because I dont want to be mean).

It was a well known thing that Taylor really only liked posts from/reblogged from/ and met people who upheld all the gross behavior. (Usually because they were the bigger blogs they benefited from that culture or self rebloggers who always were on Taylor's dash.) They would always suck up to Taylor even if her and her team were not in the right. If you ever said you disagreed you would get hate. Eventually it became a joke that because you disagreed with Taylor, you were put on a "blacklist" where you would not get attention, or chances to meet her. For a while around summer 2018 it became a war on whether you were going to be a good person or suck up to Taylor. So I was super proud to say I was on the blacklist. After dealing with bully types my whole life, I would rather support people who stood up for good than people who excuse racism and homophobia in the hopes of getting Taylor's attention. Today it all made sense when I saw the people from my past. I have always been willing to fight for what's right, even if that doesnt make me the most popular one in the group.

[sarinataylor]

Reverse blind date Joger where someone deliberately stands Roger up to teach him a lesson because he is such a player and John watching from the bar realises he is upset

oooooh ok. ok. ok

so roger is like. he’s got a rep around campus? it’s not necessarily a bad one per say, but. he’s pretty and he’s confident and yeah, he dates a lot. bc roger is a secret romantic tbh ok

not like freddie’s a romantic though. like freddie wants to fall in love and then never ever ever break up with the person he falls in love with because he wants to buy a house and forty cats with them. like freddie genuinely believes he’s incomplete without someone to love and be loved by in return which roger thinks is Super Unhealthy

so roger’s not romantic like that. roger just…. enjoys the excitement of  first date? getting to know someone, letting them get to know you, enjoying those first flushes of could-be-love. roger even somewhat likes when things start to fall apart bc there’s beauty in that too. there’s something beautiful in being able to recognise that you’re not right for another.

so he dates a lot. which, again, isn’t a bad thing. he doesn’t date for the sake of dating? he just. if there’s someone he finds interesting or attractive or funny? he’ll ask them out. 

(this is how he met brian who awkwardly agreed and then blurted out half way through dinner that he was straight, he just didn’t know how to say no. they stay for the whole meal and end up somehow being like… best friends by the end of it.)

(a lot of roger’s friends are people he’s dated in the past, actually)

but yanno for every sort of ex that you’re on good terms with there’s gonna be someone you’re. decidedly not. and ok, rog will be the first? (maybe second actually, freddie will generally be the first) to admit that he’s sometimes not the most….. tactful at breaking off some of the more casual dating he does

like he doesnt ghost on actual relationships but there’s…. there’s definitely some ghosting that’s gone down in the past. some very early cases where he wasnt very clear on the non-exclusive nature of the dating??? 

he was young(er) and stupid okay he has like. a comprehensive set of rules now (a. establish that dates are not exclusive unless explicitly discussed, as all major relationship developments should be. b. no fucking the people you date unless you’re interested in an Actual Relationship bc it blurs lines!!!!! it confuses ppl!!!!!! c. if someone has a rep as a clinger listen to that reputation instead of their insightful analysis in class. the reputation precedes interesting dinner conversation. every. time.)

(brian is like???? have u heard YOUR reputation???? and roger is like well yeah but. no one calls me clingy, do they? which brian has to concede that, no, they decidedly do not.)

BUT the important thing to note here is that roger dates a lot of people because he genuinely enjoys dating people, he enjoys getting to know people. he asks out people who he finds interesting for some reason or another. he’s not offended when people say no, like. that’s fine. 

but yeah. he gets stood up. 

which? it’s like. the first time it’s ever happened. and it’s embarrassing. like, if they weren’t interested he would have preferred they just said. but it’s fine? like. he’ll just. eat on his own. that’s fine, he’s not too bothered though he does wish that they’d like. messaged him to let him know they were standing him up so he could have ordered earlier instead of waiting half an hour

but then they Do message him. a catty message along the lines of “now you know how it feels to be let down. maybe you’ll think before you do it to someone else again” and That upsets him because… he’s never stood anyone up???? would never intentionally leave someone waiting????? and he’s Grown Up since his first year of uni where he ghosted people like. he’s really upfront nowadays but he just sort of. starts spiralling a little bit sat at the table gulping down red wine like???? fuck???????

a fun mix of anger that this was clearly something this person PLANNED and also anxiety that maybe he’s been doing this to people this whole time and he just never noticed???? he’s an Awful Person and he just. didn’t know. 

(which like. the sheer amount of his ex-dates, ex-fucks, and straight up exes that are still friends with him sort of implies that this is not the case? one of his exes is getting married in six months and he’s one of the groomsmen somehow like.)

and JOHN is sitting at the bar. like he’s waiting for his roommate to finish her shift so they can head home together but her shift’s been extended so he’s just. hanging out. eating complimentary bar nuts and being slipped sneaky beers by the on floor manager. and he’d noticed roger walk in, roger had ta’d one of his classes a year or so back and he knows his rep, and he’d sort of been looking forward to watching The Master At Work

like. he was gonna take notes so that he and ronnie (roommate, obvs) could laugh about it when they got home

(roger totally asked ronnie out once. she didn’t even answer, just walked away. she was annoyed at how charming the sound of him laughing as she did so was. she sort of hates him that “he’s never done anything to me and everyone i know who knows him says he’s a nice bloke BUT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT” kind of way)

but uh. yeah. he’s been stood up. 

and john’s like….. damn. like, he wouldn’t even stand roger taylor up. he’s always been kind of glad that roger’s never asked him out, and never will bc…. he’s p boring and not like ronnie or brian or anyone else roger’s dated, bc he knows he’d say yes and then ronnie would never let him live it down. not ever. 

and like he seems to be rolling with it? he orders himself a bottle of wine and an appetiser which has john like Damn the man be RICH

(the man be decidedly NOT rich and is definitely not going to be able to pay for the bus for the next week now he’s spending his “extra” money on bottles of wine rather than the glass or two he had planned to buy. but whatever, he can walk it. not to mention splurging on the bread platter instead of the bruschetta. he’s been stood up, okay??? if there was ever a time to eat All Of The Carbs and wash it down with two bottles of wine, this would be it)

and then after like one glass? of wine? he just seems to sort of curl in on himself???? and he seems genuinely upset???? like he’s tapping sort of frantically on his phone and he didnt even say thank you to the waiter who brought over his Bread Palooza and john doesnt know him well but. he never seemed the kind of guy who wouldnt thank wait staff okay?????

and before he can even stop himself he’s trailing over there, bar nuts in hand, and awkwardly standing next to the table silently. 

and roger is like distractedly not even looking up from stuffing bread into his mouth and texting freddie who isn’t responding which means, he guesses, that he didn’t get stood up on his date tonight. bully for him. so roger’s like yeah thanks mate not ready to order my main yet. 

and john’s like…. uh. ok. and just thrusts the bar nuts he’s had in his hand for like. ten minutes under his nose like you look sad, do you want a nut?

and roger looks up and just sort of blinks at him for a long moment before bursting out laughing like yes yes i would like a nut, thanks, john

which has john flustered bc a) he’s a MORON oh my god “do you want a nut”??????? what is he????? he wants to DIE and also b) roger. remembers his name?????????

so john stammers out an apology, explains he’s waiting for ronnie (”ronnie…. oh, uh, you probably don’t remember who she is, she’s-” – “your roommate, right? i forgot she was a waitress here, actually. how is she?” – “….. she’s good. sorry, how do you know she’s my roommate?”)

which leads to roger inviting him to sit down as a family of four tries to move past him, but can’t because he’s making a bottleneck in the aisle

so john. sits. bar nuts still in hand. 

(knees weak, hands sweaty, restaurant’s bar nuts. would the real slim shady please stand up?)

and roger’s just hella casual like “yeah just got stood up bc im an awful person, how u been”

and john’s like uh technically i asked for none of that information 

and the waiter comes and interrupts as roger sort of just blinks at him bc john is Not The Best at unplanned social interaction. like john approached him??? but ok. and the waiter is like um? hi john? given up on waiting for ronnie to finish?

as roger slam dunks his last glass of wine 

and john is sort of like ohw ell. this guy used to be my ta and he looked sad because he’s been stood u- oh my god, im so sorry

and roger is just. you know what? this has been fun. i’ve really enjoyed the multiple levels of abject humiliation that i have endured tonight but i think i’m going to cut it short and just chucks  thirty quid on the table like thanks (to the waiter) and good luck with the, uh, engineering? degree, i think? (to john)

who is bewildered bc how the fuck does he remember what degree im doing from the round of fucking ice breakers we did in the first tutorial of a class i took LAST YEAR 

(roger’s party trick is remembering like. everything about ppl. you know in that way that really popular people have where somehow they can remember that your second cousin twice removed got married three years back, despite not seeing you since a month before the wedding, and they’re asking how it was using the NAMES of the bride and groom (who. they’ve never met) and you’re like??????? i fuckin forgot the grooms name what the FUCK. i hate these people with a passion. nice people? the worst. john feels much the same as i do)

and before he can even say anything roger has just…. slunk off into the night. leaving him with the waiter who is quite happy about the ten pound tip, and a hand full of bar nuts. 

anyway roger goes home to cry at brian who is like. ur not a bad person, people just….. come to conclusions about ur behaviour based on the exaggerated experiences of others. but u also WERE sort of a dick when u were 18, but so is…. like every 18 year old so i honestly just wouldn’t torture myself ab it so neither should u

(a boldfaced LIE. this conversation leads brian to spend the entire night staring at his ceiling and reliving that one time he forgot to say thanks to the bus driver when he was 16. the bus driver hates him, he knows. also he used to have super unacknowledged misogynistic and racist unconscious biases that had been pounded into him by society and he’s still trying to rectify that and????? oh GOD)

 and the next day, after he’s been convinced that he’s not the scum of the earth by brian, he rocks up outside of john’s class (which he abuses his access to the university database for the first and last time to find – he also tells john he did this immediately bc he’s like SO I PROBABLY CROSSED A BOUNDARY BUT IT WAS THIS OR STALK RONNIE AT WORK UNTIL SHE GAVE IN AND I THINK THAT WOMAN HATES ME i see her glaring all the time and idk why) and totally asks him out because…. well, he was interesting, wasn’t he?

[matrixaffiliate]

Like the Storybooks

Co-written with @hufflepuffmarlenemckinnon​

FFN and AO3

(sorry everyone, my internet died as I was trying to post this)

Chapter 20

Sirius, as matter of habit, rose with the sun. He was already, to some extent, aware that Marlene did not. She would have to be woken by a lady’s maid in order to be on time for breakfast. But on that first day of their secret marriage, Sirius stayed in bed with the sleeping princess and just took in the sight of her. She’d cast off her shift entirely nearly as soon as her inner chamber door was shut behind them and hadn’t found instance in the interim to reclothe herself.

Though he’d certainly seen representation of the nude female form in paintings and sculptures, but this was a new experience. He had not expected that his life would include an extremely undressed heartbreakingly beautiful woman lying sleeping next to him. The the new day’s light peeked through the bed curtain, reflecting off her hair like a halo. He silently thanked the lord that his new wife slept deeply and well into the morning. The look on his face was probably worthy of all the ribbing he would take from the king and then some. But he couldn’t help it. He’d always contended that a princess like this should not, by all logic, have been a real person. He had only become more sure of this as he fell in love with the woman. He pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her sleeping head.

She stirred. Little sounds escaped from her perfect mouth but none of them came together into anything that Sirius understood as language.

“Good Morrow, My Princess.”

Though he’d intended to remind her that they were meant to tell the king and queen about their marriage and beg their blessings, he forgot all about it as Marlene’s mouth found his.

The couple were not in attendance at breakfast that morning.

After a truly mortifying experience involving the Lady’s maid, Emmeline, Sirius was quite glad to be clothed and above suspicion that afternoon.

Eventually the opportunity presented itself for himself and Marlene to speak privately with the King and Queen.

After they’d made a show of propriety for lookers on, and were well out of earshot, Marlene took no prisoners in the endeavor.

“We’ve entered into a precontracted marriage. I assumed you’d be pleased with the match. It was rather late into the evening when the discussion came to pass, you see. Waiting until morning to beg your permission seemed both unnecessary and vexsom.” She was fearless in such a way that set Sirius’s pulse racing. The walls he’d carefully constructed around parts of his mind had come crashing down all at once and only hours ago. He was still adjusting to the fact he didn’t just love her; he was allowed to desire her. The whole thing was very distracting, to say the least.

James’s face was truly a sight as he took in the statement his cousin had matter of factly dolled out. He cycled through confusion to shock, onto mild disgust and finally to amusement. Sirius could have predicted the exact responses, but they were quite a lot of fun to watch, regardless.

“You broke through my knight’s chastity belt? I thought he had it soldered on.”

“Marriage tends to be the key to such things.” Marlene smirked at the King and then winked at the Queen who chuckled.

Sirius still had not said said anything up to that point. He’d expected that the king would make some sort of crack about the concept of chastity. He’d been a little too loud in his defense of the virtue being ideal in a knight for this to have gone any other way. It did not stop his face from heating up with embarrassment. Why did this have to be discussed? Couldn’t they just… talk of war or something? Surely they had enough battles to plan that this was all very silly?

He chided himself that he’d rather plan the demise of his own family, where good men would surely die, than tolerate a little embarrassment. Marlene, surely did not seem embarrassed in the least. She seemed quite pleased with herself.

Sirius no longer wanted to think about war, all he could think of was how very difficult this secret would be to keep. It was a battle unto itself to refrain from touching her.

“Am I to understand your mild insults as your blessings upon our union?” Sirius smirked, tearing his eyes away from his wife to meet his dearest friend and sovereign eye to eye.

“Yes many blessings and all that. But it’s not going to be popular with… nearly anyone… so I hope you have some sort of plan.” James turned to Marlene with a pained expression.

“I always have a plan, cousin.” Marlene rolled her eyes with a huff and Sirius restrained from kissing her as her eyes flashed dangerously. “You knew my mother. I’m ashamed you had any doubt.”

“I had no plan. Largely, I just do what her Grace tells me.” Sirius admitted, chuckling as Marlene regained her temper.

“Well that sounds like the start of a long and happy marriage to me. What’s the plan, your Grace?” Queen Lily’s warm smile reassured Sirius that he hadn’t stepped on any royal toes in making this rather hasty decision.

“It’s best if we keep our union a secret from the court until my husband returns to me a Duke.” Marlene moved to take Sirius’ arm and smiled at her own jest. She was making it very hard not to kiss her, and by the look on her face she knew it.

“Your instincts are good, cousin. I hope that you’ll advise me someday when the Chief Minister has decided she’s had quite enough. Though I am concerned that there will be rather glaring evidence of your marriage before we are able to take Semprapuria, at least with the current plan in place.” James looked pointedly at Marlene.

Sirius didn’t quite understand. Everyone was already meant to think that they were in love. What evidence could be so glaring that the whole court would become suspicious that the affair was more than courtly in nature? Before he put it together in his head, Marlene's voice chimed in.

“Worry about the fruitfulness of your own marriage cousin. Leave me to mine. I have contingencies worked out, in any case.”

James rolled his eyes, “Of course you do.”

Sirius could have kicked himself. He’d been rather preoccupied and had somehow failed to consider the fact that Marlene could be with child.

“Your Majesties,” Sirius heard the stilted formal tone to his own voice and nearly cringed. “Do we have your leave to go to Father Hagrid? I’d prefer we get this in the church records so there will be no questions as to the honor of the Princess.”

“My husband and I are of one mind. Is Father Hagrid a trustworthy holy man?”

“He’s been my confessor since I was 15. I trust him with my life” James answered without hesitation.

“Very well then. There’s no time like now.” Marlene looked up and nodded.

Sirius was very happy, in this instance, to follow the Princess’s lead.

Sirius pulled his boots off as he sat down on Marlene's - their - bed, and sighed contentedly.

“I’m so glad that everyone protested my idea to marry you off just after you arrived.”

Sometimes words just happened to Sirius. This was clearly one of those times. Though his statement was entirely true the look on Marlene’s beautiful face as she reacted was proof that they’d been completely inadvisable.

“You… what? You wanted to marry me off? This was never brought to my attention! Explain yourself, Sir!” Her attempt to look very angry was admirable. But there was still a hint of laughter in her eyes as she chided him, and standing there in her underskirt completely undermined her faux chagrin.

“Don’t look at me like that!” Sirius smiled and stood to walk up to her. “It wasn’t some wicked plot and it was to my own brother!”

“Well believe it or not that does not make it sound any better from my perspective.” Marlene's face became wide with shock. “In fact it makes it a sight more nauseating.”

“Oh come on, Marly…” He wrapped an arm around her waist and slid the other hand along her cheek. “All I knew about you was that you were the strangest lady I’d ever met and you considered me the most handsome gentleman at court.” He smirked down at her. “It seemed like a kindness to marry you to a man who bares a strong resemblance. I wasn’t aware that you’d only have the genuine article.”

“You are quite lucky Sir,” Marlene snaked her arms around his neck and Sirius knew he was in the clear, “that you are so very handsome. I don’t generally think I’d be over fond of the touch of a man who wanted to have me as his sister in law.” She rolled her vivid blue eyes. Her bitten lips curled themselves just so, into a most captivating smile. Sirius pulled her closer. The look in her eyes was fast becoming addictive. He lifted her shift from the bottom to tease soft caresses up the outside of her thigh.

“Well it does appear that I am lucky then. Because you seem more than a little fond of my touch.”

She only nodded and took in a sharp breath. Her eyes were so full of want as he brought his lips to hers. When she practically melted into his kiss, he knew that he was more than lucky.

They couldn’t have been asleep for long when a messenger burst into the Princess’s chambers. This was highly irregular. Therefore Sirius had to assume someone was there to harm Marlene and prepare to defend her with his own life… while completely naked. He’d always thought he’d die with a sword in his hand, but he’d not pictured it quite like this. Life had taken a turn for the strange when Princess Marlene came to live at court.

“I am not here to do anyone harm! I’m just a messenger!” The man cowered as Sirius pinned him against the wall, sword at his throat. “Lady McGonagall sent me to collect Sir Sirius! She says it’s… about your family? That’s all I know. I promise. Please lower your sword and… put on some clothing?” He said the last of his plea in a hushed voice.

“If you even think about saying anything about this you will regret it for the rest of your life, do you understand?” Marlene interjected in a disconcertingly threatening voice for a woman who had been screaming bloody murder not a moment ago. Though she was still standing naked as the day of her birth, she held herself with such authority that she might have been wearing her cousin's own crown.

There was no time to think. Sirius’s head was spinning as he quickly dressed and, since there was no going back from this in any case kissed his wife goodbye as he followed the messenger. He was sure whatever news awaited him was grim.

[thebellwitchblog]

Reasons why my life is a fanfic

I dated my roommate fall semester freshman year of college. I was literally the “And they were roommates” vine.

He was set to inherit part of his father’s manufacturing company, so I would have been pretty comfortable if we stayed together.

Said roommate then started dating the Resident Adviser (an upperclassman over our hall for those of you that don’t have them)

I then got said RA fired cause I'm petty and found out they started shit while I was dating the ex in question.

I got engaged early 2018 to someone I'd been in love with since I met them. But we were only marrying so I could have his health insurance. He didn't know I was in love with him. But then drama happened, so it got called off. 

I'm now engaged to the same friend again, but this time I'm not in love with him. (Edit: still in love with him just in denial)

New years eve party 2019 I finally got with someone I was interested in two years before and then realized he wasn’t that good.

While my mother was in the hospital I found the cute charge nurse for our floor on Grindr and hooked up. Then he caught feelings and I bailed.

Because of my mother being in the hospital among other reasons, decided to do the semester online rather than go back to campus, and a whole lot of fuckery ensued.

Such as reconnecting with three people I've almost dated in the past and finding out they're all still in love with me.

But not being on campus for a semester meant drifting from a guy I had been really interested in dating eventually. Still feel bad about that.

I once dated someone that went on to get... third place in a season of American idol? Then got blamed for them losing 😒😒😒 cause we broke up partway through the contest cause they were cheating on me. (I'm not gonna put their name or even gender out cause I'd rather not be connected to them.)

Also dated another person that a few years after we lost touch went on to be the bassist for a band that became reasonably popular for a bit before fading to obscurity.

My mother's family used to own all of the land that would become Austin, TX. And that was the poorer side of the family.

But because of cousins cheating my side of the family out of inheritances through the generations and then my mother's poor decisions we're now the poor family.

My grandmother's maiden name was Towles, which was originally Towle, as in Towle Silver. And that wasn’t even the main part of the family’s wealth.

A bit further back in my mother's ancestry are the Bell family. If you've heard of the Bell Witch of Tennessee, you've heard of my many times great grandmother Elizabeth "Betsie" Bell.

My mother was engaged to the then-heir-now-owner of Johnson & Johnson at one point.

Mother was a serial fiancee. She was engaged more times than years shes been alive (she's in her 50s) and hardly remembers any of them.

I've been engaged to... 3 different people? Only cause I usually jump ship before they get the idea in their head to propose.

My maternal grandmother found out that my grandfather had two different wives in other states (he worked for the railroad. Ended up being a multimillionaire before he died) and told him never to step foot in her city again or she'd take him to court for every penny he had (she was the first wife and had two kids by him) but refused to ever divorce him.

His horses were mentioned in his obituary but not my mother or her brother. I think only the two daughters he had by his most recent wife were mentioned out of all of his kids.

My mother's godfather was a hitman. And a few of her cousins were part of the drug side of the mafia. But we don't have anything to do with them anymore.

My mothers first husband was abusive. She hit him so hard with a frying pan that the vibrations in it caused her to drop it. The handle broke when it hit the floor.

She repeatedly beat the same husband's head into the bar of a fold out couch so hard that the bar went from bending slightly upwards to downwards.

Mentioned this in another post, but when I was kidnapped by my own father at the age of 6, my mother called said cousins and had new identities, jobs, and housing set up for us as well as transportation and an extraction team set to kill everyone and rescue me. Thankfully it didn’t have to come to that.

Going back to the Bell thing, supposedly my mothers family have been a long line of mediums, psychics, etc. At least one person in each generation is born with an innate ability to see/commune with spirits or get visions.

It's probably partially because of that I ended up practicing magic as well. Being a witch counts as a reason my life is a fanfic right? Lol

First time I went to a beach (while kidnapped, but before it was revealed I wasn’t going to be returned home) I got lost in the ocean. I was underwater for 10 minutes before washing up on shore perfectly fine.

I've fallen through two ceilings and been perfectly fine. One time I fell right next to a set of stairs. Is this plot armor?

Honestly the sheer amount of times I’ve come within a hair’s breadth of dying or, logically, should have died is insane and many of my friends now believe me to be immortal.

I wasn’t supposed to have been born. My mother was prone to miscarriages and due to scar tissue shouldn’t have even been able to conceive anymore. Plus she went into labor with me at 18 weeks, but they managed to stall it till I was born at 32 weeks. 

They thought I had cystic fibrosis when I was a wee baby and thus didn’t expect me to live. Turns out I just had really really bad allergies. 

Some people believe me to be the reincarnation of my grandmother. I look and act just like her, even have the same taste preferences for the most part, am named after her in two ways, was conceived a week or two after she died, and my original due date was her birthday. Which, just like when she was born, fell on mother’s day that year.

I was born in the middle of March in the American South. What began as rain turned to snow as I was born, and even accumulated enough for my elder siblings to go play out in it.

I have a collagen disorder that, while making me extra flexible, also means I'm prone to injuries, have a poor immune system, could spontaneously have an organ rupture, have spinal issues, bad knees and hips, etc. Also causes migraines and could be a possible cause of my mental illnesses.

Almost every best-friend I've had growing up had admitted to being in love with me. The other two or three admitted to crushing on me.

Despite being the exact opposite kind of person you would expect to be, I was at the top of the social ladder in high school. I was openly LGBT, an art kid, and one of the nerds, but because I was fairly charismatic and great at manipulating authority I had the backing of almost everyone both in the student body and the faculty. Anyone that had a problem with me couldn't act against me without having almost everyone turn against them. It was nice.

I have an unhealthy addiction to coffee. Surely that's a requirement for relatable fanfic protags.

[yenni19]

Chapter 17

They go the next day sightseeing, Sarutobi buys several souvniers for his family in the city and they take a detour to the beach, they take a walk as the sea wets thier feet

Sarutobi(looking at the horizon): its beautiful...the sea....the sunset must be amazing once the sun goes down

Akamari(next to him): it is...when I was a kid my dad would bring me and my sister here to build sandcastles and watch the sunset before we headed home

Sarutobi(smiling): you must of had a good childhood...and had alot of friends

Akamari: I wouldnt say that....here i wasnt as popular and i only had two friends Briuno and Samara my assistant...i was very quiet as a child and not good at making new friends...and was also an outcast...until i met my cousins and you....my personality started to come out and I got confident since then

Sarutobi: bullshit...theres no way...

Akamari: fine dont believe me...but its true...i still struggle with it sometimes

Sarutobi(scoffing): sorry its hard to imagine you like that

Akamari(sad): I dont expect you to...just wanted to share something I've never told anyone

Sarutobi(feeling guilty): Akamari...im sorry....i thought you were really joking

Akamari: its ok dont get upset....its just i thought we can share something about ourselves

Sarutobi(realizing): people misjudge me...and it angers me...because they think I'll lose my temper like my father...which I hate because they act nice instead of telling me how it is...or correcting me because I look like a terrifying beast. When I'm not around they talk about me saying how terrifying I look and to just be cautious of me to not anger me. Which is totaly false....I can take critisim very well because of my mother...when she gets angry she tells me how it is and doesn't sugarcoat shit...she always says it better that way to clear the air...one of the reasons my dad loved her...because they were open about things and never acted like the other shoud figure it out...if she didnt like something she told him and wasn't afraid to hurt his feelings...and he did the same letting her know about his dislikes

Akamari(amazed): wow...and I thought your mom was together with Kama-kun because she understood him and knew how to calm his anger

Sarutobi(jealous): why do you call my dad kama-kun....even when we were kids you would call him that?

Akanari: because....my mom called him that...she gave him the nickname

Sarutobi: as a form of affection....towards my dad....I wonder did my dad really loved her...more than my mother....to be honest it angers me that Kawaki loved someone more than my mom

Akamari(stopping): to be honest...you are lucky Terrubi....you have a family you can come home to...but I dont have that...I mean I love Souske and Samari very much but I feel like a stranger when I'm around them....

Sarutobi hugs her, he stays hugging her for a few minutes

Sarutobi(looking at Akamari): dont say that....ever again....you do have people who love you...I know it was a shocker to both of us to find out the truth...and its not easy for you to wrap your head around the thought...

Akamari(asking): if we forget that we are not related for a moment....no...for a whole seven days....how would you spend those seven days with me...if we forget just for seven days....and you are just Sarutobi Madra and im just Akamari Uzumaki Uchiha....two strangers that just met...what would you do with me for a whole seven days?

Sarutobi(shocked): I.....I don't have.....an answer for that....

Akamari(disappointed): forget I said anything...(walking back to the car) are you coming...?

Sarutobi(goes behind her to hug her from behind): just give me time...to answer properly.....you caught me off guard whiskers...I promise to answer you when i have the answer...I'll give you the answer you are looking for

Akamari: ok....just dont take too long to answer....I'll be holding you accountable for a response....by the end of this trip....ok

Sarutobi: ok....i will....promise

They head to the car, they drive off, they come home and shower, Akamari is the first one out and heads to the living room to watch the movie...moments later Sarutobi joins her at the couch to watch the movie with her

Sarutobi: so what's the agenda for tomorrow...?

Akamari: I'll be busy the next few days...at Jerico's training....I'll be staying there till next Monday...are you going to be ok?

Sarutobi(upset): I'll be alone for five days...?

Akamari: no...Izuke said he'll keep you comany while I train...he'll stay here with you while I'm away....is that ok?

Sarutobi(disappointed): yeah i guess...( gets up and looks at Akamari) I'm kind of tired I'm calling it a night...see you when you get back

He heads upstairs to go to bed, in the early hours of dawn Sarutobi goes for a run...he returns as the sun is rising. He goes to check if Akamari is in her room. To his surprise she's already gone, he goes to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Suddenly he hears a knock at the door....as he opens its Mariana...Akamari's neighbor

Mariana: hi...Sarutobi right...i just wanted to return the container she let me borrow...

Sarutobi: have you had breakfast yet?

Mariana: no why?

Sarutobi(offering): would you like to have breakfast with me?

Mariana: is it ok for me to be here....i don't want to intrude....

Sarutobi: no its no problem...besides Akamari went to train for a few days...she wont be back today...and i would like to get to know Akamari's neighbors

Mariana: ok i guess so

She enters and follows Sarutobi to the kitchen

Mariana(surprized): you made this...it looks delicious..and presentable

Sarutobi: my mom taught me how to cook...and when i had free time I'd get in the kitchen to practice when she wasn't home...and remember what ingredients she used on different dishes

Mariana(motivated): I know this is going to sound wierd....but here goes (looking at him egerly) do you think I can get cooking lessons from you Sarutobi?

Sarutobi(shocked): wait...you cant cook...

Mariana: honestly the last time i tried....my mom was angry and told me off horribly saying I'm a dimwit and should stick to studying

Sarutobi: I thought all moms taught thier daughters how to cook at the age of nine...

Mariana: well my mom wasn't that type of woman....and shes having a gathering and i want to prove her wrong that im more capable of being more than a usless bookworm

Sarutobi: then im in...but first lets start off with the basics(goes to the room and grabs his notebook) here learn this...its my notes they are colored corrdinated from ingredientes, seasonig, table mesures and heat temperature on different meats and meals...if its too difficult (hands her flash cards) these are examples of foods I made highlighted are the different subjects we talked about...to make it easier to understand

Mariana: thank you....well lets eat

Sarutobi(smiling): yeah lets eat

[wowasadblog]

im kinda sad, a vent

I have friends who have told me I can tell them about how I'm feeling and that's all I've ever wanted, to be able to just talk about why I'm sad, but when I'm given the opportunity I can never verbalize why I’m upset. I can’t form word or sentences.

 I’m miserable. Even now as im trying to write this im having a hard time trying to think. I feel like everyone only tolerates me. I feel like everyone hates me. I feel like if i do one thing wrong im going to mess up everything. im not good enough at anything. i feel like im always walking on a thin line and if i step off it at all everything will go to shit. im not a mean person, i dont know why i act mean or aggressive or rude sometimes. i dont know why i get irritated so easily. i cant watch sports or preformances ect without feeling like im failing because i cant do any of that stuff. my art is never good enough. it always looks wrong. i cant speak without stuttering or repeating words or fucking up.my friends all work full time so i dont get to see them often. i have one friend thats the same age as me but she lives in illinois. i think shes getting tired of me anyway. my mom and i were going to go up and visit her this june/july. i dont know if we still are. my parents fight everyday. my mom says she doesnt want me to be mad at my dad but hes being so absolutely ridiculous. i dont like adults and their stupid ways of going about things. i feel like im so stupid. i cant retain anything. i hate how i look. i havent taken selfies in such a long time which is helping. i dont know if ill ever be comfortable with my body. im scared i wont ever find someone who loves me. im far from believing that relationships are the most important thing in your life but still. i dont want to feel so alone forever. other kids my age have tons of friends and are always busy. theyre pretty. why couldnt i be like that. why am i so miserable. i dont know what im going to do with my life. everyonesmore popular than me more liked than me smarted than me prettier than me better at everything than i am. theres nothing special about me. anything i can do someone else can do 100 times better.why am i so insecure. why do i get jealous when my friends have more of a social life than i do. i did it to myself, this is all my fault. i just lay in bed all day. hanging out with my three whole friends is a big thing for me. im always scared they hate me. or that ive annoyed them. i wish i could be a dance or a gymnass or a ballerina or pianist or a writer or an artist or a funny person or a people person i wish i was the kind of person that gave off good vibes. im quiet. people automatically assume i dont like them or that im mean or upset but im just scared. i hate going to church. all the kids my age have grown up together and know each other well. theres no space for me there. i wish i had more siblings or more cousins closer in age. i wish i had cousins that i was close to. i wish i had extended family i was close to. i wish i wasnt looked down on as a little kid still. i wish i knew how to make conversation. i wish i was a happy person. i wish i was energetic and bouncy and fun to be around. do i make people around me miserable? why dont i have any friends why dont i have any family im close to. why have i pushed my self away from everyone and everything for so long. how do i fix this. can i ever fix it. i dont want to kill myself. im too scared of death to ever do that. but if i died, would the people i know from cornerstone and church go to my funeral? would they act sad. would they be sad. i wish i could know. how do i always end up getting ostracized, no matter what sort of fgroup im in. do i do it to myself? im so tired all the time. whenever i try to tell my mom im “not feeling good” or “im feeling down” she tells me its because i never do anything productive.but i never feel like i can do anything. im so tired.