#the week will start on Monday btw it gives me a little more time. 4 shenanigans

[leieryx]

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inktober :)

for each week I will reblog and make art 4 said thing

CURRENT: DE

Most of my reblogs will be moving to @divinealchemy, minus stuff like talking 2 people and the gfm

I will try my best to tag things well :] I do not reblog guilt-tripping or similar posts here. I tag #flashing lights and #bugs and #unreality | #lei art and #lei talks?!?

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EDIT. FORGOT TO GIVE AN IMAGE ID

[hongjoongspoetry]

Cold Hands, Warm Heart

Part 4 – Know It's For The Better

⛸️ Summary: Coming back with his tail tucked between his legs and an apology resting on his tongue wasn't something Mingi was keen to do, but witnessing you fall and hurt yourself on the domain you called home, all precautions were thrown out the window as he carried you to the nearest hospital.

⛸️ Pairing(s): Hockey Player!Mingi x Figure Skater!Reader, Figure Skater!Hyunjin x Figure Skater!Reader

⛸️ Genres/Tropes: College AU, non-idol AU, rivals to lovers but it's more like one-sided resentment, hockey AU, figure skating AU, angst, fluff

⛸️ Warnings/Tags: female reader, no use of (Y/N), explicit language, mild sports injury, hospital scene, one idiom referencing blood, crying, brief make out session (everything is consensual btw)

⛸️ Current wordcount: 12.4K

⛸️ Author's note: So sorry for the late update! I was out with my friends and completely forgot I should've posted the fourth part of Cold Hands, Warm Heart! It's also the last part that I've written before hand, so that means I don't know when the next part will be up, hehehe. Thank you for reading and enjoy!

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This is all fiction and not meant to represent any idols involved in any way or form. This work is NSFW and not appropriate for minors as it contains explicit scenes, not just sexual content but descriptions of both physical and verbal fights,  as well as adult language. Minors and ageless blogs, please, refrain from reading or interacting with this work or my blog!!!

There wasn’t an instance in life where you thought you’d struggle with finding the motivation to figure skate again. The sport was your everything. It was like breathing, a natural part of your life, so to experience that blockage was quite suffocating.

In the meantime, your friends sufficed as oxygen masks, giving you support in their own ways. But the one to help you the most was Hyunjin, because at the end of the day, he was the one to get you out on that ice again. That was weeks ago, and you agreed to have more practices together as you both had things to achieve; you to reclaim the love for ice skating and he to win the pair division of the Spring Championship with Iseul. Thereon out, Monday mornings were reserved for skating as neither had classes until the afternoon.

You were already out of bed at seven AM and had a little time to spare. Turning on the TV in your living room, you listened to the weather channel announcing an unexpected snowstorm that hit overnight and showed no signs of stopping, creating havoc in the city. Transportation lines were being put on paus and traffic hit every street in Seoul. The misfortune of not having a vehicle turned into luck as you were the first to arrive on time to the practice, but Hyunjin was still stuck in his car a few minutes away from the arena. The usual five minute drive would at least take him thirty minutes as read in his text.

Trying to make time pass faster you decided to start early with the warm up. Already clad in your training attire, all you had to do was fix your hair, put on the skates and stretch a little. As you were securing the ties the doors opened and the shifting sound had you turning around.

“I thought you said you’d be thirty minutes la–” The words died in your throat at the sight of Mingi. 

As your eyes locked, the air grew thinner until you thought your lungs were playing tricks on you and not pulling in the air you were so desperately seeking. Taking him in, you couldn’t help but hate how calm and collected he looked. His chest rose gently with each intake of oxygen, taunting you like usual.

“Is the rink yours?” He finally asked and the invisible ball resting in your throat vanished but even then you opted with a non-verbal reply, just a little nod of your head. 

You had gone great lengths to avoid him, hurtful words stored up in the back of your mind waiting patiently to catapult at the first encounter with him and now that he was a mere three meters in front of you, there was nothing in your head, it all went up in smoke, ceased to completely exist! 

“Okay.” 

“Fucking hell,” you cursed after he disappeared into the locker room. 

Cold to the touch, you covered your blazing cheeks with your hands and dragged the skin in a downward motion exposing the hidden part of your eyeballs. Everything was fine, you were fine, completely-prima-perfect, you thought and tried to calm down. You just had to imagine he wasn’t there, he was still in the snowy mountains doing stupid stunts and drinking his liver away, yeah!

Sitting down on the floor, you started with some light stretches, nothing too explicit but enough to get your body going until Hyunjin arrived. Moving from one position to another your muscles were slowly warming up and you decided to finish it off with a groin stretch. 

Maneuvering your legs into a V position, you slowly inched closer to the ground, arms stretched out and head facing the floor. You felt a burning yet nice feeling in your inner thighs and kept the position a little while longer. It felt so nice you didn’t notice Mingi coming back. A black compression shirt tucked into his sleazy gray sweatpants that were hanging dangerously low on his hips, sneaking looks at you for a good five minutes. The sight of you folded in half had his mind wandering down the slippery slope of sin and he almost forgot why he was resisting the need to pester you. 

“What?”

The squeaked question brought him out of his daze and he was quick to avert his gaze on the ice, praying you’d think nothing of the tint on his cheeks and accusing it as a side effect of the low temperature.

“Nothing.”

“The rink is mine,” you quickly snapped.

“Don’t worry I’ll wait til you’re done.”

You hated everything about him. You hated how he turned hot and cold with the flip of a switch, how he made your insides explode with butterflies, and how he set fire to your veins. Most importantly, you hated how you kind of missed him.

“You’ll be waiting a long time, bud,” Hyunjin answered and sent you a quick smile. Neither noticed the figure skater sneak in, all dressed and almost ready to go. In a matter of seconds he got rid of his outer clothing and secured the skates on his feet. 

“Shall we?” He held his hand out, palm upward and calling for yours. 

With a lump in your throat, you ever so gently allowed his soft hands to hold yours and guide you to the slippery floor. Mingi huffed and slumped down on the bench right outside the board doors. Anyone walking by would think he was too engrossed in his new stick to notice the beautiful performance taking place right in front of his eyes, but in reality his attention was on you. He wanted to bash his own head in.

Of course you weren’t going to be there alone and of course that asshole had to be there too. Why wouldn’t he? You two were a thing now, a couple with a popping ��P’. 

You dominated the ice together. Hyunjin’s hand rested on your waist and traveled to your arms and legs, and other placements that had Mingi’s temperature rising. Oh, no one would understand how much he wanted to storm the rink and separate you two. Throw the male figure skater around like a cat playing with its toys, but he couldn’t. He fucked it up all those weeks ago.

So Mingi sat and did what he said he’d do. He waited.

If only Yunho hadn’t harassed him to leave their apartment, then he wouldn't be forced to watch the pair twirling with imaginary hearts and stars floating around them. That also meant he wouldn’t have crossed paths with you which seemed to be impossible considering you turned into a ghost since the explosion of an argument. Mingi heard nothing and saw nothing of you throughout the whole winter break and it continued into the first couple of school weeks too. It was nice, at first. Having enough time to think about other things than the girl who occupied his mind every waking hour, but after a few days there was nothing more to think about and only then did Mingi realize how deep of a hole you carved into his heart.

Taking the white tape beside him, he tore a small piece of it and stuck it to the blade of his stick, right in the middle. He contemplated whether to write something or just leave it blank. Mingi was always the guy who snickered as his teammates wrote the initials of their partners and not once did he imagine a day where he’d replace his signature ‘fix on’ — he came up with it during middle school and thought it was cool — for some random letters, but there he was, scribbling down the first acronyms of your full name. 

Shifting his gaze from the poor handwriting to you, his heart skipped a beat as Hyunjin grabbed you by your hips and raised you up in the air all while skating backwards. It looked magical and so professional, as if you were ready for the Olympics. Mingi knew the crowd would go wild at the two of you and a subconscious smile graced his face as your arms extended horizontally. You looked happy and despite the feud that took place right after his game, Mingi liked that glow on you. 

Dread overtook the glee on your face and Mingi watched as every athlete’s nightmare came to life. Hyunjin’s grip slipped from your waist and your abdomen crashed against his shoulder, the gravity dragging you down. The figure skater managed to wrap his arms around your thighs saving you from going head first on the ice and suffering a concussion, but your body weight threw him off balance and you both went down either way. On instinct your arms shot out to welcome the ground with your palms yet somehow your right forearm took the first blow. On the ice, Hyunjin quickly turned you over on your back, careful not to cause more harm. 

Blood rushed to Mingi’s ears as he realized you weren’t standing up and instead squirmed around, clutching your elbow closed to your chest with hot tears cascading down your cheeks. His new stick was thrown to the ground and he was by your side in seconds. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry,” Hyunjin repeated over and over again and Mingi had half a mind not to punch him across the face until his teeth left trails of crimson on the ice, like a spilled strawberry slushie.

Not wanting to think of the hundred different ways he could obliterate the handsome figure skater, he focused on you. The more important matter at hand. 

“Move if you’re not going to do anything,” he snapped and pushed Hyunjin with his shoulder.

As gently as his big build allowed him to, Mingi picked you up which earned teary winces from you that nearly had him pressing his lips against your temple.

“I have a car I can drive her to the ER,” Hyunjin said in panic. Poor guy couldn’t think straight, all he wanted to do was help and calm the bubbling guilt inside.

“The streets are packed, you’d help nothing by stuffing her in a car.”

“And what, you think you can just carry her wherever it is you’re going?”

Trying to keep his composure and not deck the pretty boy right in the face, Mingi replied curtly, “Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.”

“I’m not just going to let you take her like th–”

Mingi was really starting to regret his decision of playing the good and understanding guy. “No one is fucking asking for your permssion now get the fuck out of my way!” 

In another circumstance Mingi would jam his shoulder into Hyunjin’s, but not right now. Not with you in his arms, silently crying with each little movement of his.

“I gotchu, it’s alright. Just hang on a little longer, yeah princess?”

Before he pushed open the doors with his hips, Mingi glanced out of the window and winced at the snow. It wasn’t anywhere near as hectic as earlier, but it was still reaching minus degrees and your thin clothes would do nothing to keep you warm.

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath. 

His options were few and it wasn’t like his car was parked around the corner (he didn’t have a car nor a driver’s license). On the bright side, the hospital was just a ten minute walk, although you’d manage to freeze to death by the time you’d arrive.

“You with me?”

You quickly nodded.

“Okay, good. It’s cold out so I need to fetch you a jacket. I’ll just put you down on the bench, yeah?” 

“Okay,” you sniffled and wiped at your cheeks with the uninjured arm.

Mingi ran to the locker room, feet carrying him quicker than ever, snatched his jacket from the rack and ran back out. He put it around your shoulders, the material eating you up, and guided your healthy arm through one hole while the other was still up against your chest. After zipping it up he gently put one arm on your lower back and the other beneath your knees, carrying you like a bride to Seoul Hospital.

“Where are we going?” You asked as the cold snow petals landed on your face and hair. 

You couldn’t find it in you to feel bad for taking Mingi’s jacket and leaving him with nothing, the pain flaring in your elbow held all your attention and you weren’t even thinking of anything really, just hoping your bones hadn’t shattered at impact.

“To the hospital.”

Mingi breathed out a cloud of hot air. His nose, ears and hands were already turning red, but he didn’t mind. Light snowflakes landed on his hair and you wanted to run your fingers through it. 

“By foot?”

“Yes, like a true knight in shining armor.”

Your bottom lip wobbled and you started crying harder. The hot tears started to freeze on your cheeks, and you could only imagine what a horrifying view Mingi had. As if the guilt in your stomach wasn’t enough, now you were feeling self conscious too.

“I’m– I’m sorry. That was stupid.”

Shaking your head because you couldn’t get the words out that; no, you weren’t crying for his teasing (if that were the case then they would be tears of joy because hell, did you miss it) you were crying because everything was so wrong. You had been in the arms of the perfect guy for weeks and yet you felt nothing. No heart going crazy, heat rushing to your cheeks or stomach fluttering with pretty butterflies, just static. 

It wasn’t anything compared to how you were feeling now, warm, comfortable and content despite the ache in your arm and the whooping breezes slapping your face. Swept off your feet in Mingi’s embrace.

In the hospital you were immediately assigned to a room and told to wait for the doctor who’d run some tests. You weren’t the biggest fan of hospitals, it was something about their atmosphere that made you queasy. The overly white walls, the faint smell of disinfection and just eriness of people walking in cloaks and hospital masks covering their faces. It didn’t matter how much resources went into decorating the place, it was still nauseating and it didn’t help that you were supposed to sit alone for God knows how long until someone came to check on you. 

An orange blanket covered your legs and a pack of baby wipes were in your hands that you used to remove the mess of tears and make-up on your skin. They didn’t give you anything to ease the pain and your phone, along with all your other stuff, was left at the arena, leaving you with no entertainment. Your skates were by the floor leaning against the bed and Mingi’s jacket was returned to him the moment you settled into the room. Mingi was probably long gone too, and the thought left a lump in your throat. Just when you thought life couldn’t get any brighter the door slid to the side and in came the person you were thinking of, a mini-bag of chips falling from the mountain of other snacks in his arms.

“Uh, they had a vending machine out front and I–uh, didn’t know if you were hungry and they also had a bunch of stuff but I don’t know what you liked so I just grabbed a bit of everything.”

You watched tentatively as Mingi clamped his mouth shut and shuffled to the hospital bed, gently letting the snacks fall on your lap. You didn’t say anything, not entirely sure what to make of the whole situation and looked at the different snacks he brought. The bag of choco-chips really looked appetizing. From the corner of your eyes you noticed he was balancing on the balls of his feet and realized this must have been as awkward for him as it was for you. Trying to play if cool, you grabbed the choco-chips and held them, finding them working as an anchor. 

“Thank you.”

Mingi bit his lower lip, hiding the grin daring to come out, and took a bag for himself and sat down on the chair left of the bed facing you, feet extended and elbows propped up on the armrest. 

“Ah, I almost forgot these.” Out of the pocket of his sweats, he handed you a carton of banana milk. “They were out of the strawberry ones.”

Snapping your eyes up to his which were set on the drink in his hand, you couldn’t hide the surprise on your face.

“How do you know I like the strawberry ones?”

“Because you drink anything with strawberries in it,” he replied nonchalantly as if it was a common fact known worldwide.

Mingi made himself comfortable and munched away on the shrimp chips. You were confused. The longer you tried wrapping your head around it, the more questions popped up. He was aware he didn’t have to sit there with you, right? Sensing your eyes staring at him, he met your gaze and cleared his throat.

“What?”

“You don’t have to sit here.”

“I know.” Another piece was thrown into his mouth. “Do you want me to leave?”

Parting your lips to answer the doors opened again. This time a man with a white cloak draped over his blue scrubs stepped into the room, a paperclip in hand and a stethoscope around his neck. With little to no small talk and after asking Mingi to step out, the doctor began his examination.

“There is some good news and some bad news,” he revealed and adjusted his glasses. “The good news is that nothing in the arm is broken, however you’re suffering a rough case of an elbow contusion which can take up to four weeks of healing time depending on how much stress you put on it. There’s no prescription for such injuries and the biggest advice we can give is to rest for a few days. You can pick up painkillers at the pharmacy and if there are any further complications then you are to immediately return.”

Mingi waited outside — almost hovering over the door hadn’t the three passing nurses told him to take a seat — as he wasn’t family or an immediate relative to you. The impulsive idea to lie about being your boyfriend crossed his mind, but it would be rather awkward to explain why the doctor suddenly had a change of heart. 

“Mingi-ya!” Yunho jogged down the hallway wearing mismatched clothes, eyes wide and blonde hair unkempt. Your sneakers were in his hands, adding onto his already rowdy outfit. He immediately crouched in front of Mingi and took hold of his arms, scanning them for injuries and moved up along his head. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, it's not me who got hurt.”

The tension in his shoulders relaxed at the admission and he allowed himself a breather since the unexpected phone call woke him up. Yunho didn’t know how he managed to get there without causing multiple accidents, the boy was driving on sole muscle memory. 

“Dude, you can’t just tell me to come to the ER without an explanation. I thought you got a concussion or someone was dying!”

“Sorry, I just panicked and you were the first on my recents… Nice outfit you got going on,” Mingi teased and caressed his non-existent mustache to hide a smile.

Glancing down at his attire — black shoes with yellow socks, a red hoodie, gray sweatpants and a black coat — Yunho let out the biggest sigh Mingi had ever heard in their fifteen-something-year long friendship and plopped down on the empty chair beside him. Yunho looked ridiculous and would fit right in a skittles commercial.

“Don’t say anything, I just threw on random shit and left. I don't even know if I locked the door or not… Who’s in there anyway, couldn’t BM or Jungkook pick you up?”

What Yunho didn’t expect was for you to come out with your arm in a slingshot and puffy eyes distracting him from your friendly smile. Both boys stood up, shoulders bumping and floor squeaking beneath their feet.

“Uhm, hey, I’m Yunho. Mingi’s friend.”

You recognized him as the guy in Mingi’s Instagram posts. Offering him a handshake, which he mistook as you reaching for your shoes, you introduced yourself.

“I know who you are, Mingi’s been talking abou–” 

“What did the doctor say?” Mingi abruptly interrupted Yunho and stepped closer to you, mouth pursed and brows slightly curved downward. 

His eyes were set on the slingshot supporting your arm, and you liked to think it had something to do with what Yunho was saying. A tingle sparked his fingertips, ordering him to reach out and gently caress your skin, but he withheld, afraid you’d crumble at contact.

“It’s just an elbow contusion.”

And at that moment all the air was knocked out of Mingi’s lungs. You spoke of it as if it was a minor inconvenience. 

As if his heart didn’t jump in his throat or stomach didn’t tie itself in knots.

As if he couldn’t breathe for the torturously slow seconds you fell to the ground and only moved at your pained wailing. 

As if the chewed skin around his thumbs were out of boredom and not concern for your well-being.

Having known Mingi since Yunho could remember, it was easy to read between the lines of his small habits: biting his lip to keep from laughing, getting physically clingy when jealous or wanting something, touching his hair when nervous and like now, growing stiff when at unease, and other traits that strangers wouldn’t bat an eye at. 

“How are you doing now?” Yunho asked from behind Mingi and shot you a tightlipped smile.

You shrugged. “Nothing’s broken.”

A beat of silence later, Mingi spoke again, “Come on, Yunho’s driving us to grab your stuff and then to get you home.”

With the touch of a ghost on your shoulder, he guided you outside with Yunho right behind. Exhausted and wanting to go home, you didn’t try talking them out of it by insisting to just let you take a cab. You hated the fluttering thing your heart did as Mingi walked beside you like a scary dog ready to bark at anyone crossing the invisible circle of your personal space. Soft music played from the speakers and the two guys occasionally got into some small talk, Yunho trying his best to include you in it with questions of your major and hobby. To your relief the drive didn’t take long.

“Wait here, I’ll get your stuff.” Mingi unbuckled his seatbelt, but you were already out of the vehicle.

“There’s no need for that. I still have two functioning legs.” Gaze shifted to the driver, “Thank you for the drive, Yunho-ssi. You don’t have to wait, okay? I’ll call my friend to pick me up.”

“You sure? I don’t have anything to do, I can take you home.”

“No, no, it’s fine, I promise.”

With one last ‘thank you’ and ‘goodbye’, you gently closed the car door and hurried inside. In the haste of getting out of the vehicle, you forgot your skates and Mingi wasted no time snatching them up and running after you. Staring through the window, you noticed the empty ice was now full of hockey boys doing drills. All traces of you and Hyunjin were erased, as if you were never there to begin with. It didn’t surprise you that he left either, who’d wait almost two hours for you anyway?

“Yo, Mingi!”

You jumped at the loud smack of a puck colliding with the board and stared impassively at the hockey player that skidded to a stop on the other side of the plexiglas. He raised his head gear — the facade behind was someone you were unfamiliar with — and smirked at Mingi who nearly clung to you like a mosquito thirsty for blood.

“Coach reserved you ten suicides for being late.”

The stranger banged on the translucent surface and returned back to practice, and if it weren’t for your hurting elbow or downturned mood, you’d say something smart and give him one of your glares, but you didn’t. The faster you got your stuff, the quicker you’d get a hold of Keeho and be on your way home. 

Continuing down the familiar path to the changing rooms, you halted in the entryway as you saw Jungkook locking a door behind him. His eyes trailed over your figure and then let his gaze jump between you and Mingi (he was still persistently sticking to your side). Although Jungkook was known for being dirty minded and quite foolish, the boy wasn’t oblivious to the tension presented in the room. It also didn’t stop him from being his shitty-self.

“Bringing your girlfriend and being late,” Jungkook whistled. “Coach’s not gonna like that, Song.”

The remark was aimed to prance on Mingi’s nerves, yet your insides fluttered at the term. Maybe it didn’t sound that bad. Being Mingi’s girlfriend. You mentally slapped yourself for allowing your mind to wander.

“Piss off, coconut head.”

That he did and snickered as he tauntingly patted Mingi’s shoulder, and whispered an encouragingly, “Go get your lamb.” Pun wholeheartedly intended. 

Mingi leaned against the wall and waited as you disappeared into the changing room. He realized there was a lot of waiting when it came to you, but he wouldn’t really have it any other way. You eventually came back out wrapped in your own outerwear and Mingi’s jacket in your hold. The leather one was still neatly thrown over your chair in your bedroom, waiting to be returned to its rightful owner. You both stopped idly by the door and just stared at each other. Now that no one was there — no Yunho, no Hyunjin, no doctors, nurses or annoying teammates — the atmosphere returned to a thick and awkward silence. It’d sure be handy to have some mind reading abilities, you’d do anything for even a speck of insight in Mingi’s mind.

He silently handed you the skates and in return, you gave him back his jacket.

“Thanks.” 

It came out as a whisper and you weren’t even sure he heard it. The overwhelming feeling of not wanting to be in debt, especially not to Mingi, who clearly said he didn’t want anything to do with you, had you opening your mouth again. 

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Do what?” 

He pushed off the wall, hands buried deep in his sweats, and his gaze finally landed on you. Fiddling with your fingers and suddenly growing nervous, you explained yourself.

“Wait at the hospital. I could’ve walked home or caught a cab.”

“I wasn’t about to let you walk home barefoot. It’s not a big deal and Yunho loves to help. I'm pretty sure he’s already grown fond of you.”

“Mingi-ya–” 

It was the first time you called him by his name since the (one-sided) fight and God did he love it. Starstruck by the way it rolled off your tongue, he nearly tuned out on the rest of your sentence.

“–you've never missed practice and you definitely shouldn’t start doing it for some girl.”

“Stop talking like that.”

The command was firm, yet lacked the heat you remembered from that night, and came out far more tender than you expected. As if your statement physically hurt him.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re just some girl. I wouldn’t do half the shit I did if you were just some girl.”

You parted your lips to speak, but nothing came out and you closed your mouth only to open it again. 

“Yunho’s waiting for you outside and don’t argue, he’s taking you home because he wants to and because I need to know you’re safe.”

As you walked out together, a little too close for there not to be anything between you, immature cheers sounded from the practicing group of boys.

“Fucking ignore them, lousy assholes, I swear to God.” Before Mingi could make sure you got into Yunho’s car and wouldn’t bolt, an older and gruffer voice called for him.  

“Shit,” he whispered and closed his eyes, the reality of where he was and what he missed, sinking in. He faced you again, staring at you as if he was holding back, but from what you didn’t know. “I’ll… see ya around?”

You nodded, knowing that you’d do everything and anything to not let that happen. It irked you how he could ignore you and then turn back to normal as if nothing was wrong. Who said you even wanted to see him again? Definitely not your aching heart. 

Glancing down at your phone, you immediately filtered through the hundred texts waiting to be opened. A few from Dasom wondering where you were and if she should bring take out for dinner. Next was Keeho talking about some movie and recommending it for the next sleepover, then calling you out for quote-unquote ghosting him for hours, and most recently were the texts from Hyunjin.

Hyunjin [9:04 AM] im so so sorry

Hyunjin [9:04 AM] fuck i swear i didnt mean to, idek what happened but im so sorry

Hyunjin [9:15 AM] did you go to the hospital? 

Hyunjin [9:15 AM] what did the doctors say? 

Hyunjin [9:16 AM] please dont let it be anything serious

Hyunjin [9:55 AM] text me when you see this please

The snow had stopped falling by the time you responded to Hyunjin’s texts, quickly agreeing to meet up with him in a park not too far from your neighborhood. Dasom, reluctant to let you out of her sight, forced her pinky around yours with the promise you wouldn’t be gone for long, as if you could ever go against her puppy eyes. Wearing a thick jacket covering you from head to toe and a beanie and scarf, you ventured out into the Korean version of Antarctica. The short-lived walk was spent replaying the accident. The feel of Hyunjin’s hand slipping from your hip, the painful collision, and the sudden yet comforting and quite confusing appearance of Mingi. 

Recognizing you from meters away, Hyunjin hastily stood up from his seat on the wooden bench and jogged towards you. He quickly, but very gently, closed the distance between you, his arms coming around you with utmost care, not to cause you more harm, and you reciprocated the hug with your healthy arm slinking around his waist.

“I’m so, so sorry,” he whispered into the side of your head and shakily inhaled your scent, as if to calm down. You looked alright, but he was still quite shaken from the incident.

The timber in his voice pierced your heart. It wasn’t his fault, and you didn’t blame him for it. 

Taking hold of your shoulders, his fingers shook as they curled around your body and carefully pushed you back. He stared at you with waves of remorse and guilt. You didn’t like those emotions on him; they made his eyes somber and his charming lips bland in that down-curved form.

“It’s okay, Hyunjin. It’s nothing serious.”

“Don’t say that. You put your trust in me and I dropped you. My most important task, my only task and I fucked it up. It could’ve ended so much worse.”

Clasping one of his hands in yours, you gave it a comforting squeeze. “But it didn't, and I’m fine. It’s just a bruised elbow. Nothing serious, alright? Athletes get it all the time, you of all people should know that, you absolute prodigy.”

The attempt to lighten the mood worked as his mouth curled up in a wobbly smile. You weren’t lying when you said it wasn’t anything serious. You still had movement in your hand and fingers, and the rest of your arm wasn’t hurting, unless you walked into a cabinet or door, but that would hurt with or without an elbow contusion.

“I’m still sorry.” 

“And, although I never harbored any resentment, I forgive you.”

You understood where Hyunjin was coming from; heck, you’d be feeling the exact same in his shoes. The base for pair skating was built on a sturdy foundation of trust and comfort. A flicker of doubt was enough to chip at the cement, turning it unstable and weak, eventually leading to its collapse. Mistakes were a part of the figure skating experience, and although you poured your whole trust in Hyunjin, it didn’t mean you were an exception to them.

“Does this mean we can no longer practice together?” You asked with a pout and Hyunjin could melt on the spot, like a popsicle forgotten on a summer day.

“No, I’d love to continue our sessions, preferably after your elbow’s all healed up.”

“What?! But I already cleared my schedule for you tomorrow.” The deadpanned look he shot you had you bursting with laughter. “I’m just messing with you.”

“Of course you’re.” 

Somewhere between the chatter, you occupied the bench again. Talking to Hyunjin came more naturally now. No stuttering or a heart threatening to pop out of your chest, or a face burning hotter than the seven rings of hell. You warded off the replay of your and Dasom’s conversation for the time being and just enjoyed the comfortable air surrounding you. 

“Remember when I asked if you and Mingi were friends?”

You snapped your head to the side, brows high on your face and eyes curious as to where he was going with that. Of course you remembered. After all, it was the first time you did anything outside of figure skating together and your weak heart could barely process it without going into palpitation. 

With an affirmative nod, Hyunjin continued. 

“And you said that you were far from it?”

Another nod. 

“I have a feeling you’re wrong about that.”

“What do you mean?”

Hyunjin sat in silence, contemplating whether he should take back his words or just tell you what he saw. It wouldn’t be fair to act as if the worry stretched across your features was just a speck of Hyunjin’s imagination.

“When I dropped you he was right there.”

“Yeah, well he watched us practice–”

“No. I mean, he came out of thin air. I’ve never seen someone move so fast in my life, like I didn’t even get to react before he had you in his arms and barking orders at me. For a second there, I thought he was going to bite my head off,” Hyunjin chuckled, but the humor was swept away with the cold wind. 

Of all the things he could say, that wasn’t what you expected and all you could offer him was a blank stare. At a loss for words, you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Was he even talking about the right Mingi? The Mingi who’d been ignoring you since forever, the Mingi who dumped all his hatred on you and didn’t even explain why?

Hyunjin took it as his memo to keep talking. “And the look in his eyes whenever they land on you…” 

You pictured your grave being dug with an empty casket beside.

“It’s the only thing he and I have in common.”

The feel of someone tearing a hole in your ribcage hurt like fire burning your skin, and a thousand needles prickled your heart as the hand tightly wrapped around it.

“You don’t have to say anything. I already know I’ve lost the chance I had with you a long time ago.”

And as the beating organ was yanked out, you flinched and fell to your knees.

“Hyunjin–”

“It’s okay,” he interrupted, a sad smile taking over his beautiful face, and your lips wobbled in return. “You, too, have that look when you see him.” 

“What look?”

You sounded desperate, as if you were forcing yourself not to understand his words, even though somewhere deep inside you knew what he was hinting at. But playing a fool was easier than accepting reality. Blinded by your own sadness, you couldn’t stop mourning the idea of what could have been and it stung to know that the guy you’d been pining over for a good year or so liked you back, but the timing wasn’t on either of your sides.

“It’s the one you have when you’re on the ice. Relaxed, happy and… at home.” 

You wanted to deny it. Tell him he was wrong. To tell him Mingi was nothing but a pain in your ass. A nuisance you hadn’t been able to get rid off since your first day in college, but you couldn’t. As you once again had nothing to say, Hyunjin stood up.

“Let’s go. I’ll walk you home.”

You stayed seated like a kicked puppy not wanting to leave its sick owner or family that was about to abandon it. With a soft call of his name, he turned and patiently waited. No remorse or grief on his perfectly sculpted face.

“I’ve noticed the things you’ve done for me, when I was bummed out because of the preliminaries… and I just wanted you to know, that I appreciate it and… and that I’m sorry.” 

“I never harbored any resentment, but I forgive you.”

Hyunjin’s words tormented you for days on end, although it wasn’t his confession that you couldn’t get out of your head, but rather his odd observation. There was no way it could be true. One drive to the hospital didn’t suddenly mean Mingi was head over heels for you. If you went by that logic, you’d assume his friend liked you too, considering the tall man was right beside you. It didn’t matter that five, ten or fifteen people told you the same thing, until Song Mingi himself didn’t come out and say it, then it simply wasn’t true. 

If anyone asked why you ate in empty classrooms on the other side of campus or studied on the rooftop, you’d come up with a good enough excuse that sounded believable. Because you’d never admit to be hiding from a certain hockey player who held the fearful answer to your doubts.

Everything was surprisingly playing in your favor which was about time. Your days on campus were never spent alone as Dasom or Keeho kept you company, even if it meant running late to their own classes or missing out on lunch with their classmates. The injury that was bad luck turned to good luck as you had no reason to go to the ice rink, the one place you knew you wouldn’t be able to avoid him or a very attractive figure skater for that record either.

It was the fifth day of Operation avoid Song Mingi at all costs and so far everything was going as planned. The lamppost was nowhere in sight and you willed yourself to relax on the walk home from a late night study session with Keeho and Dasom at the library.

“You can’t run from him forever,” said Dasom from beside you, arms locked and shoulders touching.

The red head disagreed with your tactic the moment you explained the plan. In great old Dasom fashion she hit you with a quote of some poet you couldn’t bother to remember the name if, it went something like; all that is hidden in snow, comes out in thaw.

“Good thing I’m not running, now am I?”

Keeho walked behind you guys and chewed on a strawberry twizzler. A loud snort cut through the air.

“Hiding, running, fleeing, you name it, babes.”

If it weren’t for Dasom’s hold on you, you’d deliver a punch to his stomach or kick his shin.

“Oh, fuck you, horseface!”

Dramatic as his zodiac sign, he gasped loudly and called for reinforcement. “Did you hear that, sugar? She just cursed at me!”

Dasom giggled at Keeho’s banter but her expression fell at the figure outside your apartment complex.

“What’s your plan then? Because I’m certain that’s him,” she pointed at Mingi who leaned against the brick wall, “leaning against our apartment and oh– is he looking at us?”

Fast as lightning, you whipped your head forward and immediately met eyes with the man you had been trying so hard to evade. 

“Mm-mm, not at us, Dae-Dae. He’s looking at her which reminds me, Jiung said he needed help with his essay. You coming?” Keeho asked, not giving her time to answer or you to protest as he snatched Dasom’s wrist and began walking in the direction of his friend’s house.

The call of their names died in your throat and as you moved to follow them, Mingi quickly pushed off the wall and stopped before you, jaw set and eyes hard, staring daggers at you behind his fringe.

He looked different, was your first thought, but there was no literal change to his appearance. His hair was still that two-colored tone and the clothes were the same — a jacket thrown over his team hoodie and baggy pants — the rings on his fingers didn’t look new and you even recognized the skull shaped one. He had a matching bag slung over his shoulder that was half-way open and full of hockey equipment, the only thing missing was his stick.

Glancing back at him, the  black horn rimmed glasses perched on his nose caught you off guard. Such a small detail that made him look so different yet the same and it was enough to send your heart soaring, badum-ing a tenfold faster than usual. The sudden change in temperature felt as if the seasons were filtering abruptly, jumping from winter to late-summer in seconds, and the thick sweater beneath your jacket was starting to itch. You didn’t care if it was minus ten degrees outside, you needed it off.

“Aren’t you going to run?”

Mingi quite literally snapped you out of your daydream. “I– Uhm… I’m sorry, what?”

“No, I just thought you’d be bolting the second you saw me as you’ve been doing the past week.”

Mingi raised a brow at your lack of response, and chuckled out a dry laugh. It dawned on you that your five day streak of avoiding him was only successful because he let it happen. Mingi was a lot of things, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew you were hiding from him the moment he couldn’t find you in any of your usual spots and even more so after Intak — a mutual friend of Mingi and Keeho — couldn’t get any answers out of the English literature major. Deciding to be kind, he didn’t pressure you at first. Acknowledging the fact that you maybe needed time, just like he needed weeks ago, he granted you that as it was the least he could do.

He eyed the slingshot around your arm, and his exterior softened as he remembered the last time you spoke.

“How’s your elbow?”

Never the one to keep up with his hot and cold behavior, you sighed at the switch from passive-aggressive to worrisome questions.

“What are you doing here?” You demanded, completely disregarding his concern.

“I’m here to see you.”

As much as your body tingled at the sight of him, you really didn’t want to talk. No matter what he had to say, you didn’t want to hear it. How silly of you to think he’d let you slip by after a week of radio silence.

“Move.”

“I know everyone bends at your command, princess, but not me.”

Pink and red camellias bloomed in your stomach at the title, but you refused to let them grow out on your skin and mirror your internal feelings.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you,” you gritted through your teeth.

“Then what do you call it when you do an one-eighty whenever we lock eyes across the school yard, princess?”

“I’m not up for this, Mingi.”

Once again you tried to move past him only for Mingi to step in your way.

“And you think I am? I wouldn’t be freezing my ass off on a Tuesday night for fun.”

The guy treated you like shit since the first time he saw you skating, always finding new ways to get under your skin and turn your day from good to bad with just one word. Mingi knew he wasn’t worthy of your time and the least he could do was grant you the wish of leaving you alone. But he also knew if he did that, if he walked away, he wouldn’t get another chance to say what was on his mind.

Giving up wasn’t something Mingi was used to and even in the toughest of times, he always gave it his all, be it on the rink or daily struggles. Yet seeing the options of running or staying tear you apart had him considering doing just what he’d never done. With an almost defeated sigh, he stuffed his frozen hands in the pockets of his jacket. 

“If you really want me to go, say the words and I’ll leave.” 

You licked your lips and when Mingi thought you’d cave in, you walked past him and unlocked the door to the building. He closed his eyes and mentally cursed his stupid mouth for offering such stupid ideas. Of course you’d choose anything beside hearing him out. It was quite funny, you were always running when it came to him, weren’t you?

“You coming?”

The question startled him out of his disappointed thoughts and as he turned around, you were still there, arm holding the door open and lips pursed as if you were second guessing your decision. Just in case that was true, he quickly muttered out an affirmative response and scrambled through the opening.

The awkward silence followed you on the elevator ride up to your floor and into the apartment. Everything about this was awkward, thinking back to the party, the declined kiss, your fight, and the trip to the hospital.

“Nice place,” he said and whether it was to cut through the silence or a genuine compliment you’d never know.

“Dasom’s in charge of the interior.” 

A vague image of a girl with red curls crossed his mind and the cherry curtains, and the identical fruit pillow told him as much. 

“Yeah, I can see that.”

You dropped your bag somewhere between the multiple shoes by the doorway and leaned against the wall in the living room, arms crossed and face stoic. Mingi stood in the middle of the living room, his jacket still on and ears visibly red from the cold outside.

“You wanted to talk, right? Then talk. Explain why you’re here.” 

You didn’t bother sitting down, the faster you got the conversation started, the sooner he could leave and you could jump in bed, hopefully forgetting the whole interaction. Mingi copied your stance and raised both of his brows, the stupidly handsome smirk coming through.

“You already know… why have you been ignoring me?” 

“Not this again. I’m not, when will you get that through your thick skull?”

“Tell me what I did.”

You remained silent at his persistence. Blood slowly boiling and heart slamming against your ribcage. It was hard to keep your composure, especially when Mingi knew all the right buttons to press. If you didn’t keep your jaw shut it would just be a reenactment of the hockey game and you were not up for another screaming fit. 

“Was it the snarky comments?” 

He took a step forward. 

“I doubt it’s because I call you princess…” 

He advanced again.

“Maybe you’re angry I crashed your date with Mr. Perfect?” 

You could feel the buzzing heat from his body as he almost closed the distance between you. Slowly and as gently as his limbs allowed him to, he trapped your chin between his thumb and index finger, slightly pushing it upward to peer into your eyes. As if searching for discomfort or disgust at his touch on your skin. You could feel his warm breath over your face and you forced yourself not to glance down at his plump lips.

His voice fell barely above a whisper. “Or was it because I didn’t kiss you at that party?”

It snapped you out of the daze and you pushed at his chest with all your might, and he voluntarily moved back, content with breaking through your strong facade and mindful of your elbow.

“You’re a real asshole, you know that?”

“An asshole who doesn’t run away from his problems. Someone who goes out of his way to help others. Who puts his pride aside to see what the fuck is going on with you!”

“You want to know what’s wrong, huh? Fine! I’ll fucking tell you.”

Now you were the one moving towards him. Eyes burning and tongue twitching with each syllable rolling off it.

“I’m not mad you didn’t kiss me, I’m mad I allowed myself to be led on by you.” 

You dug your finger in his chest, hard enough to sting and leave a crescent mark beneath.

“Giving me your jacket and walking me home, not once but twice, like a gentleman-wannabe.” 

Another jab to his body.

“Saying you’d come to my competition which you obviously couldn’t care less about!” 

And another.

“Only for you to blow up in my face and call me shallow and selfish over something I still don’t know what! But that’s not all, no, because after new year’s you come back a completely different person. Being polite and nice as if you don’t hate me, scooping me up like a damsel in distress, brushing past Hyunjin who was more than capable of helping me, acting like a saint in front of your friend and the cherry on top! Claiming you wouldn’t do all that if I was just some girl! 

“But I’ve already been over this once, Song, and I’m not about to be fooled twice, you hear me?” An obnoxiously big smile stretched across your lips. “So no, I’m not mad you didn’t kiss me.”

So much for not throwing a screaming fit.

Mingi wrapped his hand around your wrist closest to his body and the grip was the complete opposite of his face. Soft and warm, and delicate while his jaw was clenched, and eyes hard and piercing. The awkward silence from before transformed a tension you could feel with every fiber of your body. You breathed heavily and your heart worked rapidly compared to Mingi, who didn’t seem to be in need of extra air.

“You think I led you on?”

Out of all the things you said, that was the only thing he remembered?

“This was a waste of time–”

“Did you think… I led you on?”

His hand on your wrist was cold compared to your boiling skin.

“I know you did,” you finally breathed out. 

The admission was like a hockey puck catapulted straight into his stomach, knocking the air out of his lungs. Swallowing thickly, Mingi flicked his attention down to your wrist, not once daring to meet your eyes. He huffed out a laugh of disbelief. 

“I didn’t give you my jacket to win you over or walk you home to get in your pants. I did it because I’d go batshit fucking crazy if anything happened to you.” 

It didn’t matter that five, ten or fifteen people told you the same thing because no amount could measure with Mingi’s final word. The air in the room thinned out and your throat ran dry. Your pulse was louder than your thoughts and the angry heat settled on your cheeks in a warm embarrassment. His hand slipped up to your hand, thumb locking in your palm while the rest of his fingers wrapped around the back of your hand.

“And I went to your competition,” he finally said. “I dressed up and bought you flowers and I sat through the whole number and when you fell down, I just wanted to scoop you up in my arms and tell you…” He paused, seemingly catching himself on something you weren’t supposed to know.

“I waited til you were done. I’ve never put that much time and thought into my appearance before, not on dates or big events. The only reason you didn’t see me was because you were too occupied with him.”

He took a deep breath and you realized while you were anxious of running into him at campus, Mingi was anxious of never getting the chance to share his side with you. 

“And I didn’t like it. I didn’t like seeing his hands on you or how you turned to him for comfort and I fucking hated how good he was at it, so I left…”

Mingi slid his hand further down so your palms were glued together and you bit the inside of your cheek.

“You know, it took me a year and something to make you smile, and you weren’t even sober for it, but I know that prick probably made you feel better in five seconds just by showing up. No flowers or anything and well, I already lost then and there, so I could only think of taking my shit and running.”

His fingers moved between yours and your whole body calmed down at the intimate contact. Hot and boiling blood simmered out into steady waves. 

“I was angry, completely livid, for letting myself think I even had a…”

You waited for him to finish but the rest of the sentence never came out. Taking matters into your own hands, you steered the conversation towards a topic you were far more interested in than whatever it was he couldn’t tell you.

“And you yelled at me for… what?”

“I never expected you to show up. I didn’t even know you knew there was a game, I mean, you never showed up to all the other thirty matches so, yeah.” Mingi looked away as the guilt took over his entire being. “I was told that it was the most important game of the season and that there’d be a dozen scouts watching. My nerves were skyrocketing from the get go, and please believe me when I say that seeing you made everything silent. And I mean everything.

“But then I got so, so angry when I saw him beside you holding that stupid sign and the memories from your competition rolled in and like the cherry on top, Chan knew what to say to tip me over the edge. The last thing I needed was you acting smart with me, too.”

You could handle a lot of things; like unimportant people being jealous over your achievements or praying for your downfall. What you couldn’t stand, on the other hand, was when people who were in the wrong took out their frustration on you (or when Keeho and Dasom were being targeted to get to you, but that’s a story for another time). 

Not to say Mingi was as important as Dasom or Keeho, but at some point, you considered him something akin to a friend. To hear him speak to you in that way hurt equally as much as when your mom made that one backhanded comment about your appearance or when your dad forced you to stop being emotional and then saying something along the lines of it being in your nature because of your gender. The hurt and sadness you buried all those weeks ago resurfaced in the form of red-scorching anger, and it would take a lot more than a pathetic story to make up for it. 

Tearing your hand from his, you hissed. “It doesn’t explain where you think you got the right to call me things.”

Mingi stayed quiet, appalled at your switch in behavior and you were happy giving him the taste of his own medicine.

“Got nothing to say? Is that it? You make such a big deal out of us not talking and now that you’re here, there’s nothing else to say. What? Did you think I’d just forgive you and go on with us being whatever the fuck we are? Talk is cheap, Mingi, has no one ever fucking told you so?”

As he kept his lips sealed, you sighed in disappointment. He came all the way and stayed in the freezing cold to spew his bullshit, but when push came to shove he’d rather be silent.

“You know where the door is.” 

You barely managed to get three steps in when his hand clasped around your healthy elbow, literally pulling your body against his and hands maneuvering to hold you by your waist. Noses almost touching and eyes reflecting a thousand emotions, you nearly caved then and there.

“I came here to make things right,” he said calmly.

“Fuck you. You can’t come running with coffee every time you fuck up.”

A strawberry frappuccino slid in front of you and popped your thoughts like a dart would a balloon. Mingi hung his jacket around a chair opposite you and sat down, much like in the library. He avoided your gaze and took a long sip of his green tea mocha. You didn’t touch your drink despite it being your favorite — you pushed the thought of it being a coincidence or not to the back of your mind — and continued staring at him. He eventually faced you and nearly choked on the beverage. 

“Why are you staring at me?” 

“I’m admiring your act.”

“What act?”

“This goody-two shoe thingy you’re trying to pull off.”

He chuckled and looked down at his drink, fingers tracing circles on the paper logo. 

“You’ve really got your head way in on that. There is no act. I said it earlier, I just felt bad for getting you thrown out.” The cup was left alone and his eyes found yours. 

“I’m sorry.”

You huffed at the half assed-apology and tried to break free from him. That was an immediate failure as Mingi didn’t let up on his hold.

“What do you want me to do? What can I do to make everything good between us?”

“Maybe start with a real fucking apology.”

Eyebrows drawn together and lips in a pout, he searched your face for any sign of sarcasm. “I just said I’m sorry. So what is it you really want of me?”

Your eyes fixated on the wall behind him as you roared at him to get out. It was one thing to insult you outside, but doing it while inside your apartment? That was just right out disrespectful and you were done with that behavior. Apparently, Mingi was too, because he didn’t budge and forced you to look him in the eyes.

“What I want from you? Last time I checked you came to me, not the other way around, bastard. Now see yourself out.”

You were surprisingly calmer than you initially thought you’d be and all throwable objects in the apartment were still in their original place. The anger you locked away for this specific moment didn’t come out in an explosion, but more like a controlled fire, growing bigger and bigger the more oxygen it inhales.

Would it be anyone else, they’d respect your choice and be on their merry way, but Mingi rarely did what told. All the softness in his features disappeared and he tried a more sharper approach.

“Look at me and say it again. Tell me to leave, to fuck off and I’ll never bother you again.”

The words were right there, waiting to be flung out in the open, but you just couldn’t spit them out. It was something Mingi took notice of and immediately used against you.

“You can’t do it, can you? Got that boyfriend wrapped around your finger and it isn’t enough, you need something more. Princesses are never satisfied.”

Through your gritted teeth, you growled, “What fucking boyfriend?”

That was all Mingi needed to hear to smash his lips against yours. His large hands pushed against your lower back and pulled you against his front. In return your hand squeezed his biceps and frantically made its way up to his neck where your fingers got tangled in the multi-colored strands. It was enough for Mingi to know you wanted this as much as he did, because there wasn’t a doubt in mind that you wouldn’t knee him in his balls if you truly felt anything but desire and lust. 

The kiss wasn’t sweet. It was dirty and messy and unexpected with teeth clashing and tongues hungry for dominance that neither of you wanted to give up. Compared to all your prior make outs, this was by far the most pleasurable one yet and as much as you screamed at yourself to let go, you thrived feeling his chiseled body against yours. The moment cut short as Mingi rested his forehead against yours, a string of saliva connecting your bruised lips. To keep himself sane he tore away from the sight and stared into your eyes.

“I need to know… I need to know you want this… want me as much as I want you.”

“Mingi-ya.” Your breathless moan sent shards of pleasure to his cock. “I want you.”

He wasted no time in hoisting you up and you complied by wrapping your legs around his slim waist, a perfect position for his hands to rest on the curve of your ass. The feel of your breasts pushed against his had him humming in delight that vibrated down your throat as you met for another kiss. This one was a lot less violent, but as feverish and needy as the first. The unexpected squeeze of your ass surprised you and your lips parted to let a gasp out to which his tongue entered to explore your hot mouth. Mingi’s eyes rolled to the back of his mind at the thought of your beautiful lips wrapped around his member, choking and drawing tears as you struggled to take him all the way.

“Bed–ruh, bedroom,” you moaned through the kiss and tugged at his hair to catch his attention.

Mingi realized he didn’t know where your room was and parted from you although every non-rational thought in his head told him not to.

“Where?” 

You took the chance to press butterfly kisses against the side of his neck, working your way up to his jaw, nipping, licking and sucking on his soft skin. The sighs of pleasure resonating through the empty apartment boosted your ego and you couldn’t suppress the smirk at the thought of Mingi, big bad Song Mingi, sounding so flustered beneath your touch.

“If you don’t stop that, I’m going to bend you over the couch and take you right here.”

The threat was more of a reward than a punishment, but a vague image of a certain red hair popped by and you loved Dasom too much to put her through potential trauma of seeing her best friend getting — what probably would be — the best pounding of your life. 

“First door on the left.”

Mingi struggled with finding your room as your mouth decorated his neck with beautiful plum covered marks and worked as a great distraction. Eventually — after walking into the bathroom and then the small pantry — he stepped into the correct space and plopped down on the bed with you seated on his lap. If it weren’t for aching dick he’d have you on your knees and hand behind your back as you took his length. As a response you grinded against him and his palms found your ass again, but this time instead of squeezing, he guided your movement and it extracted long moans out of you both. In the hazy mist of pleasure and lust the faint yet heated voice of Mingi echoed in your head.

“As if you don’t know what you’re doing. Acting all nice and cutesy like we are friends, like you’re interested in ever befriending me which now that I think about is so stupid because you and I? What a joke. We’re a fucking joke!”

“What are you even talking about?!”

Mingi scoffed again. He looked to the side, tongue poking the inside of his cheek. There were so many thoughts going through his head and all he could think about was what words to use to hurt you the most. To make you feel the hurt he did.

“First, you invite me to your stupid competition and then you come to my game sitting with him! Was this all a game, huh? To get back at me for all the dumb shit I did to you because if it is then wow, you’ve really proven yourself to be more shallow and boneless than I ever thought. I mean, you’re really going out of your way to get under my skin and act like a fucking–”

Mingi closed his eyes and clamped his mouth shut, the veins on his neck were more prominent than ever and his face was almost identical to the color of his jersey.  He really needed to calm down before he said something he’d regret. Not that it mattered, the damage was already done and he knew the aftermath was already biting him in the ass. Shit, the look of your glossy eyes was quick to make his inside burn in pain.

Each insult was a poisoned arrow aimed at your heart. The words physically hurt you more than ever before and you weren’t aware just how mean Mingi could be. Your previous bickering never stooped on a level this low before and it brought tears to your eyes but even that wasn't enough to stop his rant. Not wanting to be caught vulnerable in front of the guy who was practically stepping on you with his shoes, you quickly wiped away the tears that managed to escape.

Mingi knew he was taking his frustration out on you and he knew it wasn’t fair because you hadn’t done anything wrong. It all kept piling on his shoulders. All the instances he saw you two together; the joint practices, your embarrassed giggles any time Hyunjin breathed, watching him console you in the hallways like a poor reenactment of a romcom, sitting so close together at his game, shoulders touching a little too close for Mingi’s liking… If that stupid piece of cardboard was a bomb waiting to be activated, then Chan was the flame that set everything off. 

“Oh, great. This is really great now you’re fucking crying too. You think some tears are going to make me feel bad? They won’t, I don’t care anymore okay? I’m done with you and your fucking shit. So go back to your prince fucking charming and don’t even bother looking at me, you hear? I’m fucking done!”

As if burned by his touch you pushed against his chest with enough force to knock him down on the mattress. Mingi grew stiff at your sudden outburst. The fear of having done something wrong, something to upset you, crawled up his throat in the form of bile and the feel in his legs was abruptly cut off. 

On the other side of the room, your heart was beating hard against your ribcage. Mingi was dangerous, you realized. The moment his lips were on yours, you surrendered to the satisfying feeling of bliss and it wasn’t like you were new to the act of intimacy, but with everything that happened between you, you needed time to collect your thoughts. Because getting tangled in bed with Mingi while you were still hurting wasn’t going to help you in the long run and you needed something more than kisses to make up for it all.

Mingi slowly sat back up and breathed out an air of relief as you looked anything but panic stricken. He ignored your slightly bruised neck and spit covered lips, and kept his eyes glued to yours.

“Are you– Did I�� uhm…” 

He took another breath to collect his thoughts. Anxiety attacks weren’t foreign to him and if you were having one now — or a panic attack — he’d rather approach it with ease than scare you up even more.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah… I just… I can’t, uh– I can’t stop thinking about what… you said back then. After the game. It’s been like, what? Weeks and I’m still hung up on that and I–”

“Please, stop.”

The soft plea was enough for you to clamp your mouth shut. Words poured out of him quicker than he could form a coherent sentence in his mind and he was sure he was making a fool of himself. 

“It’s right, I mean you’re right. We should talk about that or, well, I need to talk and you listen, if you want.”

At your nod, Mingi gently patted the space beside him and while you made your way over he took one of your pillows and perched it over his groin. Your legs were crossed in a pretzel position as you faced him with your whole body. The anxious tap of his foot against the floor was slowly driving you crazy, but you still kept silent, realizing the conversation was probably as hard for him as for you.

“I’m sorry,” he started and wrung his hands together. “For everything. I’m sorry I yelled at you and I’m sorry that I made you cry and most importantly, I’m sorry for hurting you.”

Mingi looked up at you and if the raw sincerity woven with his voice wasn’t enough, then the watery shine reflecting in his eyes made up for it.

“I… I’m sorry for a lot of things and I know… I know that– I know that my words aren’t nearly enough to make up for what I said, but I need you to know that everything I’ve said, from start to finish, I never meant any of it and if I could, I’d take it back in a heartbeat.”

The cracking sound of his heart echoed through the room at your dejected expression. 

“You really hurt me, Mingi.”

“I know and I’m so, so, sorry, princess.”

The pet name made your throat grow tighter, and you blinked back tears, but they were persistent and eventually trickled down your cheeks. 

All those sleepless nights spent with thoughts occupied by your future confrontation weren’t anything like you imagined it to be. It was supposed to be explosive, harsh, and filled with pain, where you’d get to hurt him back tenfold and leave him in tears. Instead, it was the complete opposite and Mingi couldn’t think of a more agonizing punishment than to see you cry. Each shake of your shoulders was a slap to his face while your small sniffles probed at his cochlea. What really tore his insides apart, were you trying to stifle your sobs, your uninjured hand clamped over your mouth as if you were embarrassed to be vulnerable in front of him. 

“Come here,” he said, to which you shook your head and covered the rest of your face as the tears multiplied. 

Mingi swallowed, but it didn’t help the tightness in his throat. It felt like he’d eaten buckets of sand for breakfast, lunch and dinner. His hand itched to reach out and anchor you back to him. He wanted to reassure you with gentle pats to your head and slow caresses of your knee. Feeling completely helpless, he just watched until your cries were nothing more but soundless hiccups. As much as he wanted you in his hold, he also didn’t want to cross your boundaries, something he was apparently very good at. You were already hurting enough as it was, you didn’t need him pressuring you into things you didn’t want or felt uncomfortable with.

“Please,” he whispered out in a last attempt to offer you some solace in the form of physical contact and you, not knowing better than to defy him, shook your head in retaliation.

“I… I think… it’s best if you leave,” you barely made out through sniffles and a dry throat. “I just– I, uhm… I need time to… think– or well, process all of this and you being here. It won’t– I can’t think properly with you here so please, just…”

As you trailed off, leaving the sentence with an open ending that was self explanatory, Mingi physically felt his soul fade to nothing, leaving him hollow like an empty seashell. 

“You need some time,” he finished for you with an understanding tone and you didn’t know whether to feel relief or angst. 

Being in his arms brought a sense of security and the kisses he planted along your skin made you feel wanted. The universe would deem you a liar if you said you didn’t want to crawl back in his lap and fall asleep to the gentle sound of his beating heart. You knew very well that if you caved in to your desire, your heart and your pride would meet in a joust.

“Yes.”

Mingi didn’t dare to ask for how long, being well aware everyone functioned differently and moved at their own pace. The non-existent hourglass could stay upside down with its endless sand pouring for all eternity and while Mingi was willing to wait for however long you needed, he was scared your feelings for him would never go past the friendly mark on the thermometer. Left with no other choice, but to give you exactly what you were asking for, Mingi listened to your wish.

“I’ll give you all the time you need.”

Wolves were known for their fierce loyalty and being the symbol of freedom, resourcefulness and adaptability. When in danger, they flee. When in battle, they fight. Other than the fact that both choices began on the same letter, they also had another thing in common. Neither was an act of surrender. Like a wolf, Mingi wasn’t familiar with yielding and he sure as hell wasn’t going to get a taste of it now. He was done with handing out empty apologies, it was time to show you what he truly felt, preferably so before someone else beat him to it. Mingi wasn’t going down without putting up a fight, and he wasn’t one to back down from getting a little dirty if needed. 

“But don’t think I’m giving up on you, princess. You can use your time thinking and when you're ready I’ll be there. Till then, I’ll show you exactly how sorry I am.” 

© HONGJOONGSPOETRY 2024 - All rights reserved. Copying, editing, reposting or translating my work is not allowed.

[wearethekingdom]

okay so I know we’ve caught up a bit but honestly, I feel like I don’t know much about how things have been with you lately and I feel bad low key :( because I’d really like to know about your life! so, what’s new with you? Doesn’t have to be anything big, but just, how’s life been lately? Are you on summer break? (I don’t know how things work outside of America </3) Have you seen any new movies or read any books or played any video games lately? This is an invitation to info dump about literally anything that interested you lately too btw :3

Omg hey bro so how you fix the problem is by messaging me /lh like if you just wanna talk about your and my life then you can message me asking and stuff, I have a friend on here and we literally just chat about our lives for like 4 hours at a time

ummmm so I went to sleep away camp or whatever ygs call it in the US for 3 weeks, its an Irish spoken one so you know I ate that up, volunteered for the youth club camp and lost a child at a theme park while doing so (we found him, he was fine) and got some horse riding back in cuz I missed out on like 5 weeks of training lol

With movies I haven't watched a whole lot cuz I've literally had like. No time. I'm seeing the Kneecap movie tomorrow with my bf which I'm very excited about and I'm gonna see I Saw The TV Glow on Monday with some friends even though it's showing kind of late at the cinema (7:45pm), tbh I'm going in completely blind with but people say it's good so I'm simply just going to watch it. I've also rewatched alot of matt damon movies because why wouldn't I? I'm still his number one fan, currently watching The Martian as we speak which I've never actually watched before, kind of disturbing but it's okay because again, it's matt damon!

What I said all those months ago about my partner will need to fight for me when it comes to matt damon? I still hold to it. Guess who my bf looks like 😐 you will never guess its totally unpredictable 😐

I have readdd The Twelfth Day of July by Joan Lingard, it's a book about this guy and girl and the guy is a cath and the girl is a protestant and how they hate eachother and its really good, I love it a lot. I also read all of Diane Olivers short stories while at irish camp, they're really good and I totally reccomend her stuff, I think you would like some of her more scary short stories, a lot of her stuff is unpublished though cuz she was died at age 22 and she really needs more recognition, like when I looked up her most famous story I couldn't even find her other stuff at all.

Games I played Alan Wake about this guy (who is an author) who goes on holiday to this island and his wife goes missing so Alan has to investigate it while this story that he doesn't even remember writing becomes a reality, there's a second one I just haven't played it yet. I played The Quarry about a group of young adult camp counsellors who have to stay one day extra before they get to go home but there's creepy stuff on the property that wants to kill them and it's so good my fave character is my profile picture, we love Dylan Lenivy.

THENNN I played A Way Out with my brother set in the same prison as Shawshank Redemption, these 2 criminals set a plan to escape prison and get their revenge on the guy who murdered one of the mens brothers and well the other one kind of gives away the whole story so I won't go into detail on that one but it's depressing, it's a little disturbing and you get attached to Leo and Vincent the main guys.

Ive just been chilling this last month before school starts again and hanging out with my friends, I was going to go to NI for a while but there's protests and people setting streets on fire so I'm not going anywhere near there for now.

But yeah that's my life, you should totally reblog this with your telling of your life I would love to hear about it!!!

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 15]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, softdom!seungcheol, blowjob, cum swallowing, restraints/blindfold, daddy!kink, dirty talk, v little hair pulling, orgasm control, squirting, sex toys 😗💕 hope y’all are having a good weekend! As you can see, with this chapter comes the decided amount of chapters 😭 which means! cherry bomb ends on jan. 1st! 😭😭😭 I’m sad about it but!! excited to start the new year with some new projects too!! and I promise it won't be the last of this au either (I'll upload and talk abt a new schedule when it gets closer to time)💕💕 Thank you, as always, for your support with Cherry Bomb and I’m glad some of us have had pavlovian responses when we hear the term now LOOOL😩💕 Enjoy ch15 and have a great weekend! see u tomorrow for the last intro post! 💕🍒 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - x - x - x - x - x 

Seungcheol takes it as a blessing that he doesn’t work on the weekends.

You do your camshow on Friday and upload prerecorded content on Saturday which leaves two whole days of relaxation that the two of you enjoy.

But Monday comes quicker than you anticipate and Seungcheol drops you off to work before he heads back to the roller rink; ignoring the multitudes of texts it seems Jeongguk is sending.

I’ll be at work in 30 minutes, he thinks.

“I’ll be back to pick you up after work, baby!”

You nod back, blowing Seungcheol a kiss through the window before you turn to leave.

Seungcheol’s phone rings 3 more times, brows furrowed.

‘It can wait.’

“Hyung, we’re in trouble… Maybe?”

Jeongguk’s big puppy eyes stare back at the older male and he can already feel the blood draining from his face at the potential reasons that the younger male would even say that. “Um… is---is this pertaining to why you tried calling like 14 times?” Jeongguk nods, tugging on Seungcheol’s shirt and pulling him in closer.

“Before you say anything… Namjoon-hyung didn’t find out, did he?”

“Find out about what?”

“That I… cam… I don’t want to get fired because I--”

Jeongguk rolls his eyes, “Listen, I’m gonna be real, I don’t think he cares. The problem is… remember that dude that came in? A couple weeks ago. Lookin’ for a job.”

Seungcheol nods slowly; trying to remember the male’s name. “Seok--something, right?” Jeongguk nods.

“Apparently, he came back, and at the right time too. Namjoon hired his ass on the spot and he starts tomorrow. I heard from Seokjin.” Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s features as he stares and waits for Jeongguk to continue. “... And? How is that trouble for us?”

Jeongguk lets out an over dramatic sigh, hands on Seungcheol’s shoulders. “Nevermind, I forgot you’re making bank on those videos. I was gonna say, we might get a pay cut! Or maybe Joon-hyung’s trying to replace us but I guess that’s not a ‘you’ problem.”

Seungcheol laughs under his breath, shaking his head before patting Jeongguk’s hands.

“You’ll be okay. I don’t think anyone is coming for your concession stand job.”

The next day when Seungcheol makes it to work, he can’t help but have a weird feeling in his gut.

Much like the time when he first met Jun, there’s an indescribable feeling bubbling up in his body that he can’t seem to shake off once he arrives at the roller rink and the sight of Jeongguk with the new employee doesn’t help to settle the feeling at all.

Just before he can make his escape, the younger male waves him over; a cheery smile plastered on his face when Seungcheol starts walking over.

“Hyung! It’s the new employee!”

So much for panicking about being replaced, Jeongguk.

Seungcheol smiles at the other male, introducing himself swiftly before extending a hand to shake. “Ah! I remember you! I’m Seokmin! I’m the same age as Jeongguk!” Seungcheol’s lips part as he nods in understanding; that had been why Jeongguk seemed so okay with it all of a sudden.

Seokmin’s eyes form crescents when he smiles and Seungcheol takes a second to do a once over of the other male; noting the pins tacked to his denim jacket. His eyes hone in on a specific one, narrowing once he realized what it was.

It’d been a while ago now, but when you’d hit 5k subscribers to your camming channel, you had made only three of the same pin, which you had raffled and only gave to three winners.

By nature, Seungcheol was one of them, and the other two were ‘xcaliburDK’ and ‘gentleman_josh95’. Seungcheol could deduce from usernames alone that this wasn’t ‘Josh’ so it only left one option left; albeit Seokmin didn’t add up to the username either.

“Hyung? Hyung, are you okay? You’re spacing out.” Jeongguk waves a hand in the elder’s face as Seungcheol shakes himself from his thoughts.

He’d just have to figure it out later.

Although, he can already feel the groan spilling from his lips.

Why was everyone popping up now?

When he picks you up from work, later that afternoon, he can already tell something is off about you too.

You slink into the passenger’s seat of his car, quiet and a little jittery. “You okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He comments, watching as you fumble with the seatbelt.

“Yeah it’s just… Can we talk about it when we get home? I think I’m still recovering from the weird experience I had earlier.”

Nodding, Seungcheol reaches over, placing his palm in yours in a means of comforting you; even just a little.

“Guess we both have had weird days, huh?”

You can’t thank Seungcheol enough for how patient he is.

He doesn’t say a word in the car and lets you have your quiet, cool down time before you get home.

But when the lock slides into place and you finally plop down onto the bed, you know it’s finally time to have the talk that you knew was brewing.

“I met another one of my regulars at the diner today.” You mumble; beating Seungcheol to the punch of him asking.

“Weird, I think I ran into one of your regulars at the roller rink today too. He works there now, by the way.”

The two of you share an awkward laugh as Seungcheol lays down next to you; neither of you bothering to change out of your outside clothes as you bask in the oddly similar occurrences. “Wouldn’t happen to be ‘universe_WZ’ would it? He came by the diner earlier, ‘just passing through town’ he said. It was so weird though, y’know? Him and Jun kinda got along ‘cause apparently they’re born in the same year.” You smile at the memory, despite how odd it was at first. “He was quiet and Jun is very much not. I think he bailed earlier than he wanted ‘cause his ear was getting talked off. But he asked me for an autograph on the way out and some old lady stared at me. It was just… a little weird.”

Seungcheol laughs; somewhat glad that your experience hadn’t been as bad as he was expecting.

“How ‘bout you, ‘Cheol? What was that about him working with you?”

The male groans, sliding a hand down his features. “It was… somethin’ else.” You turn on your side to face him, raising a brow.

“Couldn’t be that bad, could it?”

Seungcheol laughs, but only in the way he knows that the next words out of his mouth will sound ridiculous, even to you.

“I’m not going to say who it is because I don’t want you to be extra weirded out. He’s an okay guy, very diligent about his work. But let’s just say I caught a glimpse of his wallpaper, which was you by the way. And when I asked him, ‘hey, is that your girlfriend?’, the fucker lied and said yes!”

It takes a second before you’re letting out a boisterous laugh; tears springing to your eyes at the hilarious encounter Seungcheol had experienced.

“You’re not mad!?” He comments, eyes wide as saucers as he watches you curl up in laughter. “I thought you’d be mad!” You wipe a tear from your eye, catching your breath before you turn back to Seungcheol who watches you in confusion.

“No way, that’s fuckin’ hilarious! And let’s be real, probably not the first time someone’s lied about me being their girlfriend, right? But I--he doesn’t know, does he? That you’re… y’know, ‘dom.cheol’?” Seungcheol blushes, cheeks blooming a pale pink when he thinks about it.

Would his voice be enough to give it away?

“I don’t… know? He didn’t say anything but neither did I, honestly. It was just… weird. And now I work with him so that’ll be fun. Can’t wait for him to tell me how cute his girlfriend is.” He grumbles.

“Awww, is widdol Swungcheol jealous?” You blink cutely back at him; a teasing smirk on your lips when you see him narrowing his eyes back at you.

“Watch it, brat. You know I can punish you at any time, right?”

“Try me, then~”

Seungcheol mentally logs into his brain and waits until your Wednesday show before he makes a move.

He brings his favorite silk ties from his closet and places them on the bed while you get changed; a sly smirk on his face.

“‘Okay, ‘Cheol I’m--whoa.” You bite your lip when you step out and see the array of ties and the vibrator already sitting on the bed. “Um… I take it that these are part of the show tonight?” You end with a shy giggle; body already warm at the way Seungcheol looks at you.

“Mmhmm. For the ‘lil jealous comment you made. What was it that you said? ‘Try me, then’?” He grins in a way that you know you’re screwed and you saunter up to him in hopes of maybe pacifying him a little.

“Too late to say that I take it back?”

“Waaaay too late, baby. Now, let’s get started.”

chwenon has donated $50

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

artist8hao has donated $75

artist8hao: she’s so pretty with her hands tied behind her back like that

angelhan: shibari next time???

universe_WZ: she’d be so pretty all tied up

universe_WZ: rly nice seeing u btw ;)

therealchan99: where tf are all of u seeing her!?!?? I need to go out more im lackin bro

alphagyu97: its the way u walk into every set up for me

Seungcheol chuckles under his breath, reading the comments with his hand tangled in your hair and your arms tied behind your back as you work your mouth up and down on his cock.

Before the show had even started, he had quickly rearranged the setup so that the camera was angled down towards the space in front of the bed instead of where it usually faced which was on top of the bed. You were a little confused at first when he had nodded and told you to start your camshow from the rug placed underneath you but it soon made sense when he had tied your arms behind your back and made you suck him off with your knees digging into the rug and a silk tie tied into a bow around your eyes to prevent you from seeing.

“Shibari, huh? Ooh, wouldn’t it be a treat for your viewers if you did a show where you were all tied up? I’d have to start it for you, or maybe they’d like to watch the process and see how quickly I can get you to fall apart.” Seungcheol pauses; hips canting up slightly into your mouth as you swallow and gag around him. “We can make it an extra long camshow… Maybe a pay-per-view situation. They can watch you squirm and cum all night long while I keep a vibrator pressed against your clit until your cute body is trembling.”

Your eyes roll to the back of your head even if Seungcheol can’t see it and you moan around his cock when you feel him throbbing in your mouth.

The sound of donations and comments is all you can go off of with your back towards the camera and your vision taken away; noting that the viewers must’ve liked the idea.

j__min has donated $150

j__min: popping in to say if u need help buying ropes, i know a guy ;)

alphagyu97: wait is this rly happening

alphagyu97: i’ll clear my schedule gentleman_josh95: yea same

xcaliburDK: i just started a new job i cant have any sick days plz… at least reupload it for me 😭😭

Seungcheol smirks when he reads that particular comment; fingertips massaging your skull when he hears you whining. “I know, baby. You wanna be fucked, huh? It isn’t nice being teased, right? So now you know how I feel~” In a blink of an eye, ‘xcaliburDK’s comment is buried and Seungcheol is thankful that you didn’t see it. He’d just have to keep it a secret for now while he played along and listened to what else Seokmin had to say about his so-called ‘girlfriend’.

You rub your thighs together; already feeling the slickness on them from how wet you already were and how long you’d been teasing and sucking his cock.

“Fuck, I could cum down your pretty ‘lil throat and then make you work for my cock. Drag your punishment out even longer than your viewers would see.” You moan around his cock in response and Seungcheol can only take it as a whiny ‘no’ before he’s pulling you off of him by the hair; soft sputters and coughs spilling from your wet lips as you catch your breath.

“But I think you’ve earned your orgasm, hmm? What do you say, princess?”

Your throat feels hoarse and your body feel obscenely hot at the way Seungcheol doesn’t seem to want to take off your restraints just yet. “Y-yes, daddy I--I want to c-cum… pl--please.”

tangerine_kwan: ahhh shes so cute

tangerine_kwan: petition for baby pink ties next time i think they suit her

sleepy_wonu: if that shibari show is happening, yes

“We’ll talk about it later, although I don’t think she’ll be opposed to it~” You furrow your brows; wondering what Seungcheok was referring to. 

You’d ask later.

“D-daddy…?”

Seungcheol tugs you slightly by your hair, urging you up as you slowly stand on shaky legs. You let him take the reins as he unties your arms and repositions you until you’re bent over the edge of the bed; left leg folded atop the bedsheets while your right leg keeps you upright. He keeps your blindfold on but lets you keep your arms loose; which you find out fairly quickly, is for good reason.

The buzzing of the vibrator makes you bite your bottom lip and soon enough, Seungcheol places the toy in your clammy hand.

“You’re gonna slide your hand under your body and keep that vibrator pressed against your clit while I fuck you. And you’re not allowed to cum unless I say so. Am I understood, baby?” You feel Seungcheol teasing you as he slides his cock through your soaking folds before circling the tip around your entrance.

“I expect a response when I ask you a question, sweetheart.”

“Y--yes, daddy, I--ah!”

Seungcheol grins as he slides his cock into your tight cunt; watching as you slowly sandwich your arm between your body and the bed sheets to place the vibrator against your clit. You cry out, a mess of sharp whines and jumbled words spilling off your lips with the combination of Seungcheol’s thrusts and the vibrations on your clit.

“Ngh, d--daddy! Fuck me m-more!”

Your other hand digs into the sheets, fingers tight around the fabric as Seungcheol fucks you from behind. He knows your body like the back of his hand and he quickly already has you on the verge of an orgasm despite only having started fucking you, moments prior.

“Don’t cum, princess~” Teasingly, he alternates from quick snaps of his hips that have his cock slamming into your g-spot to slow thrusts that have you remembering every groove and vein of his cock when he pulls out. And when he fucks you like this, it’s easy to forget the camera was even on and that people were watching; if not for the constant pinging of comments and donations that mix in with your moans, Seungcheol’s harsh breaths and the sound of the vibrator against your clit.

hoshi_tiger_xx: hmm but shes obv being punished and we all kno good girls dont get creampies

therealchan99: ur right,,, where should he cum then?

kitty_junjun: my votes on her tits

kitty_junjun has donated $75

sleepy_wonu: maybe all over her back and then post the pics in the private room

xcaliburDK: or raffle them!! I want them

chwenon: ooo cum in her mouth but dont let her swallow

chwenon: then u can raffle those pics or sth

Neither you nor Seungcheol are even paying attention to the comments that fly past on the screen and the only thing Seungcheol even turns slightly for, is to check to make sure he’s still properly out of frame.

He can already feel you tightening up around him and with the vibrator on your clit, he knows for a fact you won’t last much longer before you’re cumming.

“Hmm, princess, I can feel you getting so tight around me. Bet you wanna cum already, huh?”

“D-daddy, I dunno, ah, how--how much longer I can h-hold off…” You mumble; already feeling the tension in your body ready to snap at any second.

“Be a good girl. I said you earned your orgasm but you need to be patient.” You nod to the best of your ability; head feeling heavy and fuzzy as you try to stave off your orgasm for a little longer. “Y--yes, daddy…” He slows down his thrusts in order to help you a little and the soft praises that fall from his lips have the warmth blooming in your chest.

But it doesn’t last long because despite Seungcheol’s valiant efforts, you’re already too close to cumming to stop yourself when you feel the pressure building up too fast.

“Oh, d-daddy, I---I can’t, I---I can’t, I have, ah, to---to c-cum! Fuh--fuck, ‘m s--sorry!”

Seungcheol can’t even manage a word in before he feels his cock being forced out of your pussy and the wetness that squirts all over his cock and lower half. Loud cries and whines are all you can manage in the thrums of pleasure and the grip you have on the vibrator only tightens as you grind against the toy to ride out your high.

Seungcheol takes the time to wrap a hand around his cock as he strokes himself; body turned halfway towards the laptop to see what everyone was saying.

hoshi_tiger_xx: uh ohhh pretty baby came without permission

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $50

hoshi_tiger_xx: donation for squirting tho

alphagyu97: ugh look at her cute lil hole begging to be filled up

angelhan: bet she’s feeling empty rn huh

Your soft mewls have Seungcheol turning back to face you; eyes trained on your twitching body when the pleasure starts to ebb away and the overstimulation from the vibrator starts to bite. “Daddy… the---the, mmh, toy…”

“You can turn it off, sweetheart.” His tone is clipped and you already know you’re in for it once you manage to find the switch on the silicone toy. You turn it off and slide your hand from underneath you; palms flat against the sheets as you sniffle.

“I--I’m really s-sorry, I--I couldn’t--”

“I want you on your knees again, princess.”

Nodding shakily, you ease your bent leg down as you maneuver yourself onto your knees; hands already searching for Seungcheol before you hear his small ‘ah, ah, ah’s.  “Hands behind your back and tongue out, baby.” You follow his orders as you clasp your hands behind your back and diligently open your mouth and stick your tongue out as far as you can.

He brings his cock towards your face, tapping his cock head against your tongue before he starts to jerk himself off over your mouth and face. “I gotta hand it to you, princess. At least you apologized.” Seungcheol laughs under his breath, “But next time though? I won’t even let you have my cock.”

You whimper in return, brows furrowed under the silk tie.

“Fuck, ‘m gonna cum all over this pretty face.” His grip on his cock tightens and he thrusts into his palm quicker as he chases his high. “Don’t worry. I’ll take pretty pictures of your cum stained face.”

Seungcheol groans as he feels the coil in his body snapping and not a second later do you feel warm rivulets of cum hitting your cheeks and your tongue. Some of it manages to catch on the silk tie as you moan. The donations and comments pour in like water as Seungcheol continues to cover your face in cum and for the umpteeth time, you’re reassured that this was a path that worked out for you.

It was so silly that you’d thought of quitting camming earlier. 

Although, you never brought it up to Seungcheol.

In actuality, there were quite a few things that you’d never brought up to Seungcheol.

“Fuck…” He mutters from above you and it’s enough to bring you out of your thoughts as you hold still. Seungcheol takes the hint, using a sticky cum covered hand to reach for his phone to snap pictures of you; he’d just clean it up later.

“Say cheese~” He laughs, taking a couple photos before tossing his phone onto the bed as you draw your tongue back into your mouth and swallow down the warm salty substance that managed to hit your tongue.

Seungcheol helps you up from the floor, pouting when he sees how red your knees have gotten. “Hmm, think I need to take care of my princess after this.” He helps take your blindfold off and you’re quick to blink the fogginess away as  you try to focus on Seungcheol’s face before peering over to the laptop’s screen.

Your cheeks burn hot at the cum that still stains your cheeks when you see  yourself but the comments that flood in calling you pretty make you giggle.

“Ooookay. I think daddy is gonna get all cleaned up and I’ll wrap up here?” You check in with Seungcheol, who shoots you a nod and a small thumbs up before slinking completely out of the camera’s view.

“Okay guys, now what were you all talking about while I was on my knees?”

You get out of the shower feeling refreshed; tossing on a loose shirt before skipping out of the bathroom.

Seungcheol is cozied up on the sofa, waiting on the food that the two of you had ordered right after you ended your show. “‘Cheollie~” He turns to you as you plop down next to him and he’s quick to wrap an arm around your shoulders as he tugs you into his side.

“Feeling better?”

“Mmhmm~ A ‘lil sleepy but I can go for that food and then sleep.”

The two of you share a laugh, eyes focused on the movie that plays on the TV. “Say…” You start, “Someone asked a good question in the comments after you stepped out.” You gulp; palms a little clammy.

You just had to know.

“Yeah? Was it about the shibari camshow again?”

“No, actually…” You take a deep breath, telling yourself it’d be okay regardless of what he said.

“Seungcheol, am I your girlfriend?”

[thebeautyoffanfics]

yashiro nene x gn!reader

a/n: ahhh,, hiiiii,, I’m genuinely really sorry, cos I have a lot of requests to work on, but my tiny brain is spinning-! (Requests are getting done btw aksbdkdnd- slowly, but surely maybe!!)

Thanks for understanding;; <3

Also I love Yashiro and am totally not writing this so I can pretend she’ll tell me good job when I finish my homework pffff nah <33

warnings: school stress, and some anxiety + self-distaste related stuff?

word count: 1,202

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

How long had you been staring at this problem?

30 minutes…? Yes, it had to have been. You reread the problem so many times, your thoughts feeling like they were stuttering. You could barely focus enough to read- your brain giving up and getting caught in a state instead.

You glanced at the clock, keeping in mind that you started around 4:10. It had to have been around 4:45, right…?

But, no, it was only 4:15. Your heart rate picked up, glancing frustratedly back at the paper. How had time gone by so slowly..??

Your hands carded through your hair, scratching lightly- scratching more scabs into your pitiful scalp. You felt disgusted by your habit, but ignored that feeling- opting to tap your pencil lightly against the paper.

“You have the pencil… just focus. At least write the problem,” You muttered, then furrowed your eyebrows in frustration. It wasn’t like you to get this mad so easily. No, it wasn’t anger- you were just frustrated. Disappointed. How long had things been like this?? Was there a point where homework was easy…? Even if there wasn’t- there was a point when you didn’t have homework. You longed for elementary school… the earlier years particularly. You wanted to be excited over things… to think clearly- to not be scared of people. To not stress so hard over school and life that you had scabs littering your head and tiny indents inside your mouth and lips.

You brought your hands to cover your head, knees being brought up to your chest as you placed your forehead against your knees. You breathed for a bit. Just breathe… that’s all you had to do. A few moments passed, as you let your mind get lost. Maybe not thinking for a bit would be helpful… you spaced out, putting your earbuds in and letting the scraping, loud, anxiety-inducing sounds around you be drowned out for a bit. Only a bit. You thought, after a moment, you vaguely heard voices, but… noise was already overwhelming. You thought you heard things all the time. Hoping that it wasn’t for you, you kept your eyes shut, sighing a bit.

“(Y/N), I’m coming innn,” You heard someone say. Lifting up your head, you glanced over in time to see Yashiro standing in the doorway. She smiled, as she always seemed to. It was such a sweet smile, more than welcome… even if the sound of pencil against paper was loud and grating, her voice was always pleasant. She was always pleasant.

“Yashiro… hello, hello,” You spoke, pulling out the earbuds and smiling back at her. As she did, she made her way into your room, shutting the door behind herself as she sat at the foot of your bed. Spinning the desk chair to face her, you brought your legs down, opting to cross them instead.

“Are you alright?”

“Mmh… I will be come Friday,” You shrugged. Maybe it wasn’t entirely true- the weekend still contained issues inside your family, it wouldn’t cure any issues you had with yourself, and Sunday was always like… an alternate reality. Depressing, simply stuck between Saturday and Monday. Putting it like that, you wished it would be Saturday for forever.

“Ah? Busy week already, huh? I had a study hall, so I got to finish my homework, if you want help?”

“…I’m not very good at focusing right now, so I’m not sure I’ll be the most fun to help, haha.”

“That’s alright! So long as you’re alright with me not being sure I have all the right answers-“

Her response made you smile a bit, as you shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

Yashiro nodded, a determined sparkle in her eye as she stood next to you.

“Oh- wait, I should find you a chair-“ You spoke, bringing your feet to the ground.

“Mmm,” Yashiro hummed, stepping next to you, and motioning lightly for you to move over. You did as she requested, feeling your face heat up when she sat- her hips and legs pressed against yours slightly, the big chair providing just enough space to be comfortable.

Yashiro offered a thumbs up, her face slightly pink as she spoke. “If this is alright, i-it’s probably more convenient!”

A second passed before her face grew a darker shade of red- “w-wait that’s probably really weird-“

“It- it’s fine, Yashiro. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable, but if you want another chair I’ll go grab one.”

She paused, fiddling with her hands lightly, before grabbing another pencil. She handed you yours, before pulling the textbook a bit closer to you both. “So! Question 1…”

Yashiro was… patient. Her kindness was almost overwhelming, as she even offered to write the questions for you. Her gentle encouragements pushing you forward- she clapped lightly once the two of you finished the assignments. You smiled, clapping a bit as well, as Yashiro closed the books.

“Good job, (Y/N)!” She exclaimed, bumping you lightly with her shoulder.

“…thank you so much, Yashiro,” You spoke, slightly surprised when you felt a lump in your throat causing your voice to crack a bit. It made sense though… she helped you to focus. You were sure you’d stay up until 2 again, forcing yourself to write just a bit more, only to get a bad grade because you still couldn’t bring yourself to finish it all. For once, you were caught up. And yet, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it without Yashiro… I suppose it’s any person’s dream to have their crush cheer them on though…

“(Y/N)? I don’t mind at all, really… what’s wrong?” She questioned, as you felt tears run down your face.

“Sorry- sorry, I’m not sure why I’m crying. I was just so overwhelmed, and now that it’s done, it really wasn’t that bad. I was just overreacting- I’m- I’m overreacting right now too. Sorry- I don’t know what my mind’s doing, haha..”

“Ah- don’t apologize, really. It’s alright. I was overwhelmed when I had to do it as well! After a full school day, even more work isn’t exactly ideal,” She spoke, and you felt her hands wipe tears off your face. After that, she hugged you, patting your back and head a bit. “It’s alright, (Y/N). There’s nothing shameful about getting overwhelmed!”

You hugged back, burying your face into her hair as you did so. You couldn’t thank her enough… really, you knew you couldn’t.

“Thank you… I love you, Yashiro. I love you so much, you didn’t have to do this, but you did… you didn’t even have to stop by. You’re so great…”

“You’re always welcome! I love you too. It’s my duty as your girlfriend and best friend to help you as best I can-!! And, even if there was no obligation, I’d still want to help. You’re great for even thinking so highly of me, haha~.”

Neither of you bothered moving, as you sniffled lightly. Your arms wrapped around each other, as you opted to not bother looking at the time… for just a little longer, you’d selfishly embrace the comfort Yashiro provided, not letting any concerns or thoughts interrupt the peace in your mind- even if it was only momentary.

[gebtoons]

my contribution to the bapo timeline discourse bc i’m just gonna propose a timeline and will not be taking criticism <3 (under the cut bc this is gonna be a long post probably) 

ok disclaimer I am quite stupid, however I’m gonna use my knowledge from my own 12 years in american public high school and what little info I have about american boarding schools/catholic schools that I have from my friends lol. so. idk. 

i’m also gonna date songs/major events and i’m gonna be taking some “just trust me bro” liberties bc y’all are right it does NOT make that much sense. 

January 6: Epiphany; this is like an actual holiday lol. like its always on the sixth. idk its good that this is the starting point bc its an actual date yknow? For the purposes of this timeline were going with that its early in the week, so lets go with Monday idk

January 6-13: You and I, Role of a Lifetime; so we’re all kinda in agreement that this timeline (at least the beginning) only really makes sense if you and i/role of a lifetime aren’t like. a singular moment and are instead multiple days. so yeah, of this first week, this is like. monday-next sunday ish yknow. 

January 14: Auditions, Plain Jane Fatass; ok so having auditions for a spring musical right after kids get back from break actually makes perfect sense to me, like i can see it being like “ok take break to prepare so as soon as you come back we can have auditions so we can jump right into rehersals” yknow? and since the rave is clearly on a friday (”we’ll meet in tanya’s room on friday night”) so i’m going with the monday before.  

as for pjf, i know it doesn’t make a ton of sense for them to get a two week late birthday package their first few weeks back from school, but hear me out it makes sense. the implication throughout this entire show is that the twins have decently shitty parents. from bits of dialogue (in this song in particular lol) i’m kinda inferring their the “only concerned with how their kids make them look to others” kind of neglectful. so I don’t think it’s too outside the realm of possibility that they went away for the holidays, didn’t bring the twins, and instead mailed them a birthday package and having it show up two weeks late. realistically the timing of this isnt that important and the explicit “two week” time frame could’ve been an exaggeration on nadia’s part to mock her shit parents (idk its in her character) basically ppl are a little two fixated on this imo but anyway. moving on. 

January 18: Wonderland, A Quiet Night At Home, Rolling, Best Kept Secret; a very agreed upon point in the timeline. its the friday following the auditions. moving on. 

January 21: Confession; also very agreed upon. the monday following the rave. moving on again 

January 23: Portrait of a Girl; the date here is kinda arbitrary, but bc sister chantelle says “ok lets try to put yesterday’s rehearsal behind us” and i for the life of me cannot think of a scene she could be referring to (there’s none in the script either) that implies it wasn’t the same monday as confession (bc even in a boarding school i think holding extracurriculars that aren’t sports over the weekend (especially when they are no where near crunch time lol) is weird and not common) so i just picked a random day during the week

January 25: Birthday Bitch!, One Kiss, Are You There?; from matt���s line in wonderland, ivy’s birthday is a week after the rave. in my timeline that’s january 25th (an aquarius queen). 

btw given all grown up’s “17, how will i manage?” ivy is 16 during 17 at her party, which is strange given shes a high school senior and seniors are typically 17 during 18. so either a) she skipped a grade, not an unheard of thing. or b) shes not a senior, shes just a junior who hangs out with a bunch of seniors, which is also pretty common. and looking through the script i can’t find any mention that she is also a senior, other than yknow she graduates with them, but she isn’t mentioned during the class ranking scene? so idk not that it really matters just a fun detail 

February 3 (at night): 911 Emergency!; ok controversial. i know i like the joke about how its funny that peter having a weird dream when he was high prompted him to want to come out and really ruined his relationship with jason. BUT. i think the dream (despite it’s weirdness) would have a lot more meaning if it wasn’t the result of being really high, but if it was a dream he had like a week later as a result of a building sense of guilt/anxiety bc he told matt. also it fits better given later timeline things. (this timeline literally only exists if there are weird jumps in time that don’t make a ton of sense) (EDIT: I forgot one line about Jason crashing at ivys but fuck it forget that bitchass line this makes for more drama its staying this way)

February 4: Reputation Stain’d, Ever After; the next day following peter’s dream, idk what else to say, moving on. 

February 25-28: Spring; another jump! i’m sorry but the only way for this to make sense logistically is for there to be quite a few time jumps! however, i also think this one works bc i think it gives time for everything from around ivy’s party and peter and jason’s break up to stew emotionally. like obviously a musical only has so much time to tell a story so the audience cannot see every realistic beat, but honestly i think it makes the whole thing a little more dramatic™ if there’s space for everything to settle, and for ivy to come and apologize and such. also, the reason it’s multiple days is bc in the script, ivy is trying to study (presumably for some sort of midterm) while nadia is playing, so that probably takes place a few days before they move out, so before finals. but in the script, jason and peter are packing and peter is leaving, so that part of the song/staging takes place on the 28th. yes, that’s weird, but we are clearly thinking more about the logistics of this school than the writers were so. 

March 1: One; assuming st. cecilia’s works kinda like boarding schools here, they probably do staggered move out/move in, just bc that would be a lot to have people coming and going at once so it makes sense that peter left the day before, while jason and ivy are leaving the next day. also, given that peter is trying to call jason while he and ivy are banging, it’s probably been a hot minute since the actual break up, since peter was clearly very hurt by the whole thing, it would make sense (at least to me) that peter would reach out a month ish later, rather than like a few days later (you have to make so many assumptions to make this timeline work granted they aren’t super out there assumptions but still this is annoying) 

March 1-25: Spring Break. the coworkers I have who are in boarding school work over their school breaks, which are longer than the public school breaks (which are only a week) so i put their spring break at 3 weeks. it makes sense, and it makes the later part of the timeline make sense. 

I know i’m already halfway through this, but to me it makes sense for their to be quite a few time jumps in the story bc its a musical. they cannot show every day. there are a lot of other shows (particularly shows set in high schools) that are set over a whole school year, but if you just look at the events of the story that doesn’t make sense, so you have to imply that obviously they are not showing every little detail. moving on. 

March 25: Wedding Bells, In The Hallway, Touch My Soul; peter wakes up from his nightmare in the church, so im assuming he fell asleep in church (like he almost did during epiphany). also it makes sense that class ranks are announced in late march-early april, I know my school announced ours in like, the first week or so of april? so yeah. moving on.

(from this point on i was giving myself a headache trying to make it make sense so its all weird from here!!)

April 4: See Me, Warning; the date doesn’t really matter here, I picked a random day in early april. the script said peter is calling from him and jason’s old dorm room, as he was picking up the last of his things, so he clearly made the roommate switch after school started (makes sense to me). 

April 15-20 (approximately): Ivy finds out she’s pregnant. look google tells me on average people find out they are pregnant around 5-7 weeks after conception. i went with around 7 just so this timeline makes a tiny bit more sense given the later stuff, so yeah here we go. 

May 4: Pilgrim’s Hands, God Don’t Make No Trash, All Grown Up, Promise, Once Upon A Time, Cross; a rough night for our heroes. so given sister chantelle saying “again? wonderful.” and nadia saying “i can’t believe you missed rehearsal again”, clearly ivy has been missing quite a few rehearsals, so for dramas sake maybe from when she found out she was pregnant? also i know i’ve been saying they wouldn’t have rehearsals on weekends, and given my weird timeline this would be a saturday, but its tech week so i’ll allow it. 

May 5: Two Households, Bare, Queen Mab, A Glooming Peace; pretty self explanatory, and it makes sense to have the spring play in early may. rip jason. 

May 11: Absolution; the day before graduation peter goes to confront the priest. gives him a small amount of time to start processing, and it makes sense it would be the night before, at least to me. 

May 12: No Voice; i fucking hate this. “peter, we graduate next sunday” i hate that stupid fucking line. do you know that this timeline literally would be fine if it weren’t for that stupid fucking line? bc then, the school play would be in early may and graduation could be in late may-early june (when most high schools hold graduation) but no. keeping with continuity, they have to graduate the sunday following the school play. “peter we graduate in a month, are you really never gonna talk to me again?” would have been fine. but no, now we have beef. literally everything else about the end of this timeline being kinda weird would work itself out, except for the fucking graduation. god damn. anyway, may 12th, the graduate on may 12th which is really fucking weird bc of that one fucking line. whatever. i didn’t write the damn thing bc if i did i wouldn’t have written that fucking line. (i’ve been at this for over an hour and a half, so i’m a tad annoyed, can you tell?) 

anyway, that’s it. that’s my long as hell proposed bare timeline. if there’s anything glaringly wrong with it i don’t care bc this timeline literally cannot make sense. but honestly, now that i think about the Popular Tween High Schooler Musicals (heathers, bmc, deh) the timelines of those (especially heathers and bmc) don’t make tons of sense either. that’s just the way it is, that’s the way its gonna be. and we have to live with it. 

this post is so long it is actually slowing down my laptop as i type it

[emerald-studies]

Racism in Education

June 27, 2020

Day 6 of 7

[ These are just some thoughts I have in my head about this topic, it isn’t meant to be a purely academic discussion. It’s meant to be a conversation to learn about another perspective. ]                                                

—-    

Ok this will be my most challenging post. This is a long read but I’d appreciate you reading it all because I’ve been doing free emotional labor for almost a month and if you want to be an ally, that means learning from other perspectives. So please read. This drained me so much to write, please make it worth it. 

You have the time, please read.

As I stated in my intro, I moved from a very conservative State (I don’t even want to say the State because I hate it so much.) to Washington State. I moved after graduating online school a year ago. 

Growing up in that State I was almost always the only Black girl in my class. For my whole educational career. I hated when we would discuss the civil rights movement because I could feel my White peers staring at me, like I was the face of my race. 

It was junior year that broke me. 

I began the year optimistic. I always did, even though I had experienced racism before each year, pushing me to move to 4 different schools in 4 years. 

I moved to a school in a rural area with a lot of mormons and maybe 5 Black people in the whole, huge school. 

It was in September that my mental health plummeted. I don’t know why. I guess I was overwhelmed. I was in an AP US History class and there was work over the summer that everyone else did, but I didn’t. I had just gotten there, after all. I didn’t have the textbook. That class was such a heavy workload that we were having a quiz every other day, 1 test a week, and I was trying to study for a test that my peers had months to study for, and already took. 

I attempted to take my life, but I knew I didn’t really mean it. I’ll be honest about that. I just wanted everything to stop so I could catch my breath. 

I went to the ER on a Thursday night. My Mom drove me. 

We sat in the ER for a little bit and then I was taken to a little room where a nurse came to talk to me. BTW I have never had a good interaction with a nurse.

This nurse came in and basically shamed me. 

“You’re so young. You have your whole life ahead of you. You don’t need to do this to yourself.”

Yeah, no shit. I thought about that every day. My grades, getting into college, getting into law school.... that’s the point. I was overwhelmed. 

She suggested that I punch a pillow if I “Got upset” because that’s what her daughter does. 

Fuck off. 

The Doctor came in and he gave me butterfly bandages and he was so much more understanding, shockingly. (I’ve shadowed Surgeons and Doctors and they can be a little abrasive).

I liked that the Doctor fixed me up. I liked having this wrap around my wrist. I felt like I could move on. Like I let something out. 

The Doctor asked if I needed to stay at this place that dealt with cases like mine. 

I said,

 “No.”

I couldn’t have that on my record for what I want to do. So, I went home.

I took the Friday off and my Mom visited the school to let them know what happened. I was already preparing for pity.

I had to come in on Monday to set up a 504 (students with disabilities act) for depression. I don’t think I had depression, but whatever. I dropped out of AP US History.

They made accommodations for me: more time on tests, working in the library, more time on assignments, etc.

I want you to know that I did not touch those accommodations for 5 months. 

I knew I didn’t need them. I maintained a 3.8 GPA.

I sat in a room with all 8 of my teachers (we had a block schedule 4 classes per day alternating), seeing all of them look at me with disgusting levels of pity.

They each talked to me in private saying things like,

“If you ever need anything, let me know.”

“I’m here for you.”

“You matter.”

I thought,

 “Hm ok, that’s nice.”. 

I went on for months without using my accommodations and practically wooping my “normal” classmates in intellectual discussions.

But then the casual racism I experienced was escalating. 

First, in the beginning of the year, my AP US History teacher put his hand on my head and said to a student,

“If you really believe that, Faith would be a slave right now.”

(I don’t remember what the hell we were even talking about)

Then I got little questions/comments like,

“Why do you dress White?”

“Cracker is just as offensive as the n-word”

But now we were going into Black History Month. My new history teacher was an old White Man and we were talking about the civil rights movement, while in English we were reading “Black Like Me” with my blonde, Female, millennial teacher.

I nailed everything in the civil rights movement discussions. The teacher loved me. I nailed the conversations about “Black Like Me”. 

But....I don’t know. The environment got really toxic. There was more racism, gaslighting, slurs. Every. single. day. It could break anyone.

I would be on the brink of tears in class every day. 

Guess who didn’t notice? 

All 8 of those concerned teachers. 

They don’t give a shit. 

My grades were still pretty good, but I started working in the library. I couldn't be around all of those racist peers. 

While in the library, my counselor would come in and interrogate me. 

“How long have you been in here?”

“Have you tried, really tried to go to class?”

Of course I tried! I felt like I wanted to be dead and so I left. That’s what the 504 Plan was for. Again, I hadn’t touched my accommodations for months so I thought maybe these grown adults would use their tiny brains and think,

“Huh maybe she needs help.”

But no. 

I would go to the counselor almost every day and say 

“I’m not doing well.”

And she’d ask,

“What does that mean?”

Ok...so I have to tell this Woman that I feel like dying but not at my own hand? Because she can’t use social cues and read my face stained with tears?

I couldn’t say anything. 

She said,

“What can we do to keep you going here?”

I said,

“I don’t know”

Because that’s not my job.

Then it happened. 

My history teacher was talking about affirmative action.

He said,

“If I worked at a bank for 30 years and went to work at another bank, FAITH would get a job over me because she’s a BLACK WOMAN. Do you get that? She covers TWO minorities!” 

He said this while pointing his wrinkled finger in my face.

None of my peers said anything.

I replied with,

“Well, what are my qualifications?”

He ignored me.

He went on a rant teaching his opinions, not facts. So I wrote down what he said on sticky notes. 

I called my Mom at break and asked her

“Is that racist? Do I do anything?”

I was so desensitized to racism I couldn’t tell anymore.

My White Mom, my awesome Mom said,

“YES.”

I went to the Vice Principal and reported the teacher and gave her the sticky notes. 

The next day we got an email from the principle saying that the teacher said, he never said anything about me.

So I was a liar?

To get evidence, I recorded the whole next class. I was scared every minute that he would find out. 

He didn’t. And he said more awful things.

I had concrete proof.

We told the Principal and he ignored me. My Mom emailed the superintendent (very high up person in the school district) and oh now he responds? 

They basically said,

“We gave him a warning, he won’t do it again.”

Ok so he just will hide his racism now. Just remember, teachers legally aren’t allowed to teach their opinion. The Supreme Court deemed it unconstitutional to teach opinions.

I was still required to go to this racist Man’s class. I still answered every question he posed to the class and he recognized my intelligence. 

So WHY?

WHY me?

The whole year he loved having me as a student and then....that?

Moving on to my English class.

We had to do a cultural experience trip and so my acquaintance and I went to the Black History Museum. Because I’m Nigerian-American. I do identify as Black though because everyone assumes it anyways, but I wanted to learn more about the history in my city.

We were required to make presentations talking about the experience we had. I decided to add a little twist. 

I made a whole slide in my slideshow dedicated to every racist thing said to me in that class. 

The slide was met with laughter because racism is just so funny.

My teacher said nothing. 

So I, the student, the minor in the room, had to say,

“I see you laughing but this is why I’m leaving this school. This is serious.”

Nothing from my teacher. 

Cut to maybe a week later and I was done. I was sitting in my English class about to burst. My acquaintance asked me,

“Are you doing ok?”

I replied,

“No. Absolutely not.”

A classmate checked in on me, while all my 8 teachers who actually knew about my attempt on my life didn’t.

We went outside and I decided to leave the school that day. Three weeks before summer break. I couldn’t be in either class anymore. I felt my brain rotting from being exposed to the absolute shit that those students/teachers would spew, every day.

I lost my 3.8 GPA

I lost my credits for the semester.

The racist teacher is still working.

I had to go online.

It happened again.

Another racist history teacher. 

Wasn’t removed.

I graduated with a lower GPA.

Didn’t apply to my dream school.

I have the trauma seared into my brain. I’m terrified of taking another history class. Terrified.

Ok, that’s it. If you made it this far, thank you. It took me awhile to write this. I hope this gave you another perspective. 

--

So.... discussion time. 

Let me know what you think here

I’d like to hear from you since I delved into my trauma. 

I don’t think I’ll ever tell this story again, it makes me sick and tired. But I’ll answer questions/asks.

If you have a lot of White guilt and wanna do something, you could donate some reparations to my venmo lol: 

@faithrebecca1397 (last 4 digits are 4809)

or paypal

http://www.paypal.me/faithrebecca1397

Edit: People are asking me if they can reblog this. YES PLEASE REBLOG. It’s important to let people know that all types of racism are alive and well.

[thechosenburrito]

Intro to Love: 1.2-Clinic Crashers

Word Count: 1,016

Description:

Xochi makes a new friend on her way to grab some food but things take a terrifying turn

Author’s Note:

I reread each of these chapters before I post them here.  This was written over a month ago and I feel like I’ve already improved a little!

Warnings:

Mention of Blood

/* I will take this time to mention that this series is meant to be a bit on the darker side where injuries and swearing and even death will be fairly common as the series progresses so proceed at your own risk*/

Previous Chapter: 1.1-Free on Sunday

.

.

.

I'm infamous for my sleep schedule, or lack thereof.  I've always been more of a night person.  During summer break, I'd stay up until the sun came up, go to sleep, and wake up at 4 pm.  I thought it was a good system even though it essentially made me nocturnal.  A nocturnal lifestyle didn't really lend itself to a college lifestyle.  It meant I ended up sleeping for 2-3 hours a night and taking coma-like naps.  I'm a pro napper.  I can nap for 5 hours straight.  That might actually be something to be concerned about.  I'll put a pin in that.

The moment just after waking up is the best part of sleeping, just before you remember who you are.  It's followed by the worst part of waking up: remembering everything that's wrong with your life.

When I woke up from my nap, after my regular dose of existential crisis, I rolled out of bed.  I checked my phone and, yep, my notifications are bone dry.  Actually, there was one, from an account I didn't recognize.

(C): hey this is carson. still on for sunday?

I quickly shot off a reply.

(X): yeah. noon right?

(C): yup

(X): cool. I'm probably gonna at least start it tonight

My stomach growled.  What did I eat for breakfast? Oh yeah, I came back to my dorm and instantly went to sleep.

(X): after I grab something to eat lol

(C): cool.  I can make a document and share it with you so we can both work on it

I must've struck gold.

(X): yeah that would be great

(C): alright I shared it.

(C): ok practice is starting.  see you sunday

(X): ok. see you then. I live at Kathrine hall btw

(C): I know lol

(C): I live on the second floor

I instantly went into panic mode.  I shot out of bed and started to pace a little.  We lived in the same building!?!? How did I not notice !?!?  I started going back through my memories, tearing through my mental filing cabinets.  I check his profile and his feed.  Looking at the pictures, it hit me.  He was the guy a couple of rows down from me in my Physics lecture,  the bench behind me in my Biology lab, and, worst of all, he sat two people down from me in my Chemistry lecture.  This guy is gonna think I'm either not paying attention or don't care about the world around me at all.

I quickly replied something to save my skin.

(X): I'm kidding lol I know

(C): ok suuuurreeee lmao

(C): ok gotta go.  see you saturday

(X): bye

I tossed my phone on my bed and started getting dressed to grab lunch.  I pulled a flannel over my t-shirt, grabbed my wallet, put on some headphones, and headed for the dining hall.

The hair was hot and thick.  It sat on you, crushing your chest.  I passed a couple of runners and wondered how they could even go faster than a brisk walk when they were practically breathing hot soup.

I was trying to cross the street when a large white van whizzed past me so close I could feel the air move out of the way.  I jumped back and fell onto the sidewalk behind me.  A sharp pain shot through my wrist.  

"WATCH IT ASSHOLE!" screamed a voice from behind me.

A girl came around and offered me a hand.

"Are you ok - OH YOU'RE BLEEDING!"

"Huh?"

I looked at my wrist and sure enough and I had partially grated it on the sidewalk.  Blood was dripping all down my arm.  I quickly grabbed it and just ended up getting blood everywhere.

"Yeah.  I'm bleeding alright.  I should probably go home and clean this up." I said as I forced a small smile.

I tried making a fist and winced.

"Ow!"

"Ok no.  You're going to the clinic and getting that looked at," she helped me up with my good wrist.  "Come on.  I'll walk you to the clinic."

"Oh no!  It's ok!  I can make it!" I replied quickly.

"Too late.  I'm already walking you." She started walking ahead of me and gestured for me to follow.

"Let's go"

I sighed and followed her.

"I think I've seen you in Bio Lecture.  Dr. Vargas right?" she asked.

"Yeah.  9 am? Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?"

"Yep!  I'm Sarah!  You should sit next to me on Monday....you might need help taking notes.".   She gestured to my still bleeding hand.

"Nice to meet you.  I'm Xochi.  That would help." I said, giving a pained thumbs up.

We weren't too far from the clinic when we saw the white car that almost hit me pull up to the clinic.

"Hey, that's the guy that almost hit you!" She started running towards the clinic.  "Hey! Stop!"

The second-hand embarrassment at the mere thought of her confronting the driver was just too much.  

"Uh! You don't have to do that!"

I made an attempt to chase after her, but I was never really a runner in high school or ever.  

The white car stopped and a figure stumbled out onto the sidewalk.  He took a few steps towards the front door of the clinic before crumpling to his hands and knees.  The car sped off.  I tried to catch the plate numbers but it didn't even have any.

I did my best to catch up with Sarah.  She tried to help him up, but his legs were shaking too much.  She helped him onto his side and I finally caught up and got a good look at him.  He had greasy black hair and dirty glasses.  His eyes were wide and glossy looking.  He was taking short shallow breaths and his lips were moving as if he were trying to speak.  He smelled like he hadn't showered in weeks.

I felt a panic coming.

"HELP!" I yelled, my voice shaking. "SOMEBODY PLEASE! WE NEED HELP"

A few nurses came out to see what was going on and instantly swarmed him.

"Call 911!"

.

.

.

A/N:

So it’s getting a little intense for Xochi.  This definitely isn’t the end of her troubles.

[ssixa]

Chance Encounter//Mark Tuan x Y/N

Description: Walking into the night shift at the hospital proves to keep you on your toes. Nights are left to the universe so you can only hope that tonight will be decent. What happens when you find out that one of your patients is THE Mark Tuan from GOT7? how do you try to deal with the chaos erupting from this chance encounter? and how many times do you have to tell yourself that you love your job?

Genre: fluff, slight cringe, idol au

Pairing: Black Fem Reader x Mark Tuan (though I will say there isn’t much description of black characteristics)

Word count: 995 words

Warning: explicit language

A/n: yet again I’m working and uploading this while I’m in the middle of lecture. Nothing crazy to add though. Ngl that I’m actually kinda satisfied with how the collage turned out this time.

*All pic collages are made by me unless I state otherwise. Individual pictures in the collage are not mine and I give credit to where credit is due.

Chapter Four

A whole week passes by and it was just as uneventful and repetitive. My life is really basic, all I ever do is work and go back home (until school starts, then it’s just school, work, and home). I attend my other part time job and deal with a bunch of Karens (both male and female) who refuse to wear their masks, getting asked a lot of questions that I have no idea how to answer, so and so forth. The weeks always pass by quickly since all I do is work, so I wasn’t surprised that at a blink of an eye, I’m back at the hospital. Nothing different happens when walking into work at the hospital...well accept for almost tripping over air walking out of the parking deck. We’re not gonna talk about it.

When I reach the front desk, one of the nurses gets my attention,

“Hey y/n, there’s a note here left for you. Must be from the manager” she mentions. I’m not that taken back since the manager has left notes for me before. I walk to the desk and grab the slip. Like always, my name graces the front of the folded paper. I open it and start reading,

“Dear y/n,

I was hoping that I would have the chance to keep in contact with you after our short, yet memorable, encounter. Though I can’t promise we would ever cross paths I decided to just not leave everything up to chance (you don’t seem like the sappy type to believe in such shit). Anyways, hope to hear from you soon!

Love, your soon to be favorite member, Mark”

I couldn’t believe it, Mark wrote me the sweetest little letter AND he left me his kakao contact. Is that even allowed? Won’t he get in trouble? Maybe his manager gave him permission, but even then it’s such a big risk. Forget it, this is probably one of the best things that has ever happened in my life.

Though the anticipation is there, I wasn’t able to contact Mark until Monday morning. Yes, I know, over twenty four hours, but it was torture not being able to message Mark for that long. Both the shifts were ridiculously crazy and by the time I got home all I wanted to do was sleep. When Monday morning rolled around, I added Mark’s contact and spent a little too long pondering on what my first message should be. Then it came to me, why am I freaking out about this when we’ve met before and have held full conversations with each other, this shouldn’t be difficult. Ok, here we go,

“Hi...it’s y/n, um, your tech” I message.

…

“Who is this? I think you have the wrong contact” the reply came only after a few minutes that felt like hours.

“Oh god he doesn’t remember, wow, I guess it was all just too good to be true” I think-panic to myself.

“OMG I’M SO SORRY!! MY FRIEND GAVE ME THEIR CONTACT AND I GUESS I ADDED THE WRONG ID!!!” I reply in a haist.

“OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR THAT HAHAHAHA!!” Mark replied. I could just imagine him laughing hysterically by himself. I really hate him.

“I hate you so much Mark Tuan.” I surely hope he sensed my anger through that message.

“Oh, no more mr. Tuan? I kinda liked it” I sense the smirk through the message.

“You lost the privilege once you stopped being a patient Mark, you weirdo” I message back.

“Ooo with the insults, I thought we were more than just patient and tech” Mark replies. My heart sped up a little, but then I realized who I was talking to.

“Well I thought you were just a patient who got bored and I happened to be an easy target?” I sassed.

“Fair enough, well how about this, ‘y/n the tech’ will you be my friend?” Mark asks.

“Hmmmm~”

“Oh c’mon y/n, pplllleeeaasseee” Mark begs. Oh do I like the sound of that. He’s always teasing me so even if this is a fake beg, I’ll still take it.

“Oh fine, yes Mark, we can officially be friends” I reply.

“WOOOOO!!”

“Unfortunately I only just got off of work and I don’t think I can stay up much longer” I mentioned.

“Awe really? Well I understand. Get some rest, don’t forget to dream of me” he replies with a winking emoji.

“Trust me, if I could control my dreams I would much rather choose my bias than you’re annoying ass” I reply sassily.

“Ooooo~ so you have a mouth on you too. You’re just full of surprises huh? But imma have to tell JB that, I bet he would be happy to hear it coming straight from a fan’s mouth...well...kinda” he said with a slyness.

“I really hate when I type faster than my brain processes, I’m going to regret this later won’t I?” I reply with a sigh

“Oh most definitely, but don’t worry I won’t tell him. We’re friends right? I don’t want to start off on a bad foot” he said with confidence

“Well aren’t you sweet, hahaha but really thanks. I would much prefer to be friends with all the boys. I’m really not over how I’ve gotten to talk to all of you and even be able to call you my friend. Hopefully we can all get closer...wow that sounds cheesy, sorry” I message with my heart on my sleeve. Wow, I’m really making myself vulnerable with him. I definitely know I’m going to regret that.

“I’m glad we got to meet each other too even if the circumstances were a bit hard. Who knew I would run into ‘fan turn to friend’ in the most unlikely of places...btw didn’t you say you were going to sleep? That was like an hour ago?” he mentions

…

“y/n?”

…

“My new friend?” he continues,

…

“Sleep well beautiful”

“*message deleted*”

“Sleep well dummy”

Previous/Next

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: thanks for reading chapter 4! sorry that this isn’t the traditional way of doing text message convos when you’re writing them, but hopefully it still makes sense. 

[kaguraspetsims]

[[MORE]]

Hey guys sorry for the absence, work has been...shitty. like, it's making me so depressed and anxious that I'm losing sleep. I'll tell some stories in a second but like for those of you who want a tldr the assistant manager training me has some personal vendetta against me for some reason and is literally making my life hell.

So, just so we are clear: I have worked at this store for 1 and a half months. I dont remember if I've ever said the company I work for but I will say it's a pizza place.

At this store we have the store manager (call him R) and 3 assistant managers (P, A, and me).

A has been at this store for 2 years, P is the one that trains new AMs. A became an AM like...half a month ago. I have no prior experience in this company so I'm trying to learn the basics PLUS manager stuff.

So to try and keep things easy to follow, after my first week or so there P has me sit down with her and she asks me how I am able to learn better. I explain to her that I need positive reinforcement and I need to be told if I'm doing something wrong when I'm doing it wrong so that I dont form bad habits and have to relearn things. I also explained to her that I have short term memory loss, which is the reason I'm so unconfident when trying to portion toppings.

The gist if what she told me was this: I learn fast and I need to stop second guessing myself bc that slows me down and therefore slows the whole process down. And I was like yes I will accept this is true and try to do better. She also said she'd stop answering complicated questions I had, which I understood as anything that could not be answered with a yes or no.

So the weeks are going on and I learn several things about how this place works out.

I am short, shit is taller than me. I'm told to ask for help when I need it.

I quickly learn that when I ask for help, depending on what it is I'm asking for and how her mood is, P will get irritated as fuck with me for asking. Example: we have guides on how to build certain food items. Theres a lot of shit on the menu. The guides are very hard for me to reach. So when I ask for help getting a guide so I can try learning the build, I either get it tossed at me or I get told what to put on it in a disappointed or irritated tone. (Keep in mind I'm not being told the portioning for these toppings unless I ask for those too, to which I get an annoyed "I don't know off the top of my head.")

So I decided that if I have a question about what goes on what builds, I will try to list off all the toppings I remember and be like "that's what's on it right?" I figured this way they know I'm trying to learn them, I'm retaining at least SOMETHING, and if theres an ingredient or two off they can correct those.

Yeah the last time I did that P turned around and totally ignored me. And it turns out I was correct about all the toppings on it.

Now skip to about a week and a half ago, I'm finally learn how to stretch dough. Every time I have tried to stretch this shit has been during rush. At this point I have only worked rush shifts, which are shit for training, but when I've come in earlier I learn how to prep food, and so I literally dont get a lot of one on one time with someone who can actually sit there and train me. And when I DO have the chance to have one on one time, it's usually with P and she usually leaves me to make as much as possible while she goes to the back to chat with people who are waiting to take deliveries.

I end up getting so frustrated that I start taking shit out on myself, basically telling myself that I cant do anything right and that I've peaked and that I'm never going to get better. I tell P this and she tries halfheartedly to get me to breathe and keep going.

Mow skip to this week. I'm told I will close Monday and Tuesday (yesterday and the day before) I'm told I'll be trained how to close.

Monday comes up. I get there at 5:30. A gets thre at 5. We work thru rush and A tells me he will stay with me till P gets there around 10 just in case we get a night rush. Keep in mind this is P's day off and A had offered to help train me since he was already there.

So 10:30 rolls around and P finally shows up. She comes inside only to tell A he should have left at like 8 or 9. You know. Leaving me alone on my first closing night when I still cant make an entire one pizza on my own under 3-5 minutes.

So A leaves. One of the drivers is there bc he has to be (we can call him T). P tells T hes going to do most if not all the cleaning so she can show me how to do inventory and enter shit in the computer. She says when he finishes he can leave ahead of us bc we were (supposedly) going to be there for a few hours.

So for about 2 hours I'm told how to find things on the computer and finish inventory. Most of those two hours is just me entering shit in the computer or her talking on the phone with a friend.

At one point she says to T that shes just teaching me computer shit now, and on Tuesday she'd teach me how to break down and clean the area where all the food is.

At 12:30-12:45 she says shes going to leave and for me to call her when I'm done counting money so that she can tell me the rest of what I have to do. This sends off panic bells in my head. Not only has she NOT FINISHED TEACHING ME SHIT, I'm about to leave a store by myself in the middle of fucking nowhere with no overhead lights. I felt unsafe leaving the gamestop I worked at during the night even tho there were parking lot lights and usually small crowds at the walmart next door, and I never left that building by myself.

So I'm just ask "can T stay so I'm not leaving here by myself and I dont risk my safety?"

The response I got was basically P saying she forgot I was weak and fragile. So she decided to stay and fi nng ish helping me on the computer, which, btw, was another 15 minutes or so of her staying???

Also fun news I get at this point is that P will NOT be closing with me tuesday night. I'm on my fucking own with T! :)

So then I'm helping clean shit bc apparently we're behind (it's like 1 am at this point) and P (who did the entire food area by her damn self) finally leaves around 1:15. T has been really nice and stays with me to help me put the last of shit together before we leave.

I dont get home till 2 monday night.

Skip to tuesday night. I get in at 4:45. A and P are there. Ahas been told by P he MUST leave by 9. She leaves at like 6:30.

I learn a few things after she leaves from multiple people.

A has been here 2 years, and P not only stayed with him till 3 am breaking every little thing down and showing him everything, but he ALSO was given the opportunity to close with her for about 2 or 3 nights before he closed by himself.

I have been there an entire month and a half, got told how to do ALMOST everything ONE time, and the very next night I'm closibg hy myself.

I have trained for (almost) 2 hours how to close at this point. I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. I start getting order after order. The drivers are out doing their jobs so I'm literally in the whole store by myself trying to figure shit the fuck out bc i was basically left to fend for myself. Spoiler alert, I'm not very fucking good at this.

To make a long story short, a bunch of shit went wrong tuesday night. T is trying his best to help me learn things, but he doesnt know how to do everything bc hes not in a manager position. He even says to me at one point "it just seems like you've been set up to fail." Granted I was complaining about the fact that I didn't get fucking training, but he said that shit on his own. He pointed shit out that I had been thinking about.

Again, skip to about 3 am. I have my final call with P. She proceeds to tell me several things:

You should not be there more than an hour after close.

Your inventory variance should not be that high.

Just finish up what you're doing and leave, what's done is done and what's not is not.

Then she asks me "do you see what you need to improve on?"

At that point I nearly snapped. How the FUCK can I know what to improve on when theres no one there to give me fucking feedback?? I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. I literally scrambled all fucking night to ATTEMPT to do shit right which, apparently, it still wasnt good enough. I was given a whole ~2 hours to learn ALMOST everything to close. R doesnt get out when he closes till about 2 hours after the store closes, so why the fuck am I being picked on when I had fucking not even 2 whole hours of training?

I have never EVER told myself to quit without putting in a two weeks notice before. I'm going to talk to R about this shit before I just up and leave at this point. I'm attempting to find another job in the meantime but the toll that these past few weeks has had on my mental health is just fucking astounding. The last time I had that kind of a meltdown after work was a year ago when I worked at the fucking kennel and a dog got hurt and no one answered me.

Oh, btw, that kennel? The one owned privately by a single person, that wasnt a franchise or anything? Yeah, as much as those communication skills sucked, it was leagues better than the communication at this establishment I'm at now. And that's saying a fucking lot.

[mysleepdeprivedass]

Another ML fanfiction idea

And here we go for another prompt fic idea that I got while reading a fanfiction on AO3. I want to write this idea but I’m too lazy for writing a whole fanfiction.

And just want to keep in my head but it was driving me crazy sooo let's go.

Btw I inspired by the fanfiction MDR by Yilena  (on AO3) (@xiueryn on tumblr)  (also I haven’t finish the fanfiction yet but I need to let go the idea of my head)  

(let's go for translate everything a wrote again T^T and I just saw how long a wrote, the translation it's gonna be looong x.X also idk some term are correctly translate sorry if it's not)

Also warning, i’m going to talk briefly about eating disorder, bullying and suicide so skip the part in italic if the idea or the word can triggered you.

Have a nice reading on my 2.am writing idea. \0/ 

AU steamer / youtuber Marinette

Marinette begging steaming around her fifteen, and she become quickly know for her skills for some game

Marinette have now like 19 yrs old, almost 20.

She plays a lot of different games.

At first (when she was 15 ) she wasn't doing face cam steaming. After a years and a half, she start face cam but disguise. Her disguise is, a clothes always in polka dots red and black, and she have a mask which hide almost all her face and she wear a red wig (she have different wig, pixie cut, big curly, straits, ect,... But they're all red)

On twitch she is know as Ladybug, and she have a YouTube channel where she post all her rediffusion of her twitch live.

Marinette have a big community verry supportive and nice. She's the kinda of girl that going to play with her fan during live if she met them on the game.

She doing some explained and tip live on game that she's really good at or that she's love.

Her favorite game are Ultimate Mecha Strike saga. And a new independent MMORPG game call " The Tale of Miraculous" a kinda fantasy/fantastic game, that's become more and more difficult when your reach a levels.

Also it's a no-miraculous idea

At first, when she started live’s, qhe was doing a lot, like every night she was doing a live which ended around 4 or 5am. But after a big meltdown on live (she was around 17 years olds) she make a calender, which sometine change depending on he mood.

Monday Night : Games of her choice, most of the time she play at TTOM (The Tale Of Miraculous) or fighting games. From 8 p.m. to 1 a.m. or 2 a.m.

Wednesday Night : if she started a let’s play, she is doing the let’s plays, if she not she’s doing two or three games, most of the time horror games or strategy games. From 8p.m to midnight or 1 a.m.

Calender most of the time : 

Friday Night : chill night, she talk or debates with viewers while playing at Minecraft or she opening fan mail or for some occasion she is cooking. From 8p.m to random but between 3 a.m. and 5 a.m.

Sunday Night : Let’s plays or games selected by the community. From 8p.m to Midnight.

 Marinette has become very hermits and go out just a few time. She works at her parents bakery and has her own shop (known as Ladybug) her community know that she makes homemade clothes and she has a lot of customers from her community but also from famous people. 

Every other week she doing a live between 9 p.m. and 12 a.m. in addition, where she plays indie games or flash games or during fashion week (or any fashion show) she like to do reviews about it and commentary.

Marinette finished school at home because of harassment, she had ended up making several suicide attempts, and had a severe eating disorder and was anorexic 

She suffered bullying very early, already in elementary school, and it got worse in middle school where the physical attack was violent. She got kicks, push down the stair, she got a lot a fractures, spit on, etc,..

After a big lynching after school, she try to kill herself, she got hospitalized and her parents finnaly knew about what she suffered. After that she become homeschooled.

A lot of cosplayers ask for commisions.

Chloé had started insults her in primary school but had stop everything before middle school except that others took over, like Lila.

Chloe apologized to Marinette after her suicide attempt. Even though Marinette and Chloe are not best friends, the two get along. Chloé always feels it's her fault that things got there

During her convalescence it’s when that she became Ladybug but was not in face cam.

She started streaming after being released from the hospital

She had a general ES bac (it’s a degree in french school, if you want i can explain french school in a other post... because I’m french ._.) and she studied fashion by correspondence.

For the 3 years anniversary of her twitch channel, she explain her firt years as the stramers, he past, and explain that twitch literaly save her live.

She self-harm for a long time (betwenn 11 and 16 years old)

She still have drugs and antidepressant, and she is follow by a doctor for her eating disorder.

During her depression, she developed agoraphobia, she doesn’t go to convention where she’s invited because of that, also because she wants to avoid overloading Tikki.

Fu is her psychologist.

Tikki is her service dog because she have anxiety attacks and panic attacks and she can hurt them during those.

Tikki is a Labrador, viewers sometine see her during live (try to climb on Marinette lap’s)  or hear her bark (very rare but can alway happen) 

Marinette loved roasted the clothing collections and clothing choices in video games. She also loves talking about RuPaul Drag Race.

She’s  openly bisexual and gender fluid,

She lives in a small apartment not far from her parents to be able to stream quietly.(And without disturb her parents)

Viewers know other room of her apartment. She stream on green screen, but when she live and do open fan mail she is in front of a wall with drawings and gifts from fans that she received. They also know her kitchen but she rarely on the kitchen. 

She don’t do much live on the Kitchen but she doing some videos edited on cook video for explain some bases and some recepis. It is to teach the beginner how to cook or the person who is on a tight budget.

Her first cooking live become a meme. She fall several times, managed to stick an egg to the ceiling (god know how), set fire to heroven, and spilled milk and flour all over her floor.

In her live chill, call “let's talk little, let's talk well” in her playlist of rebroadcast on her youtube channel, she brings people on discord to give their opinion on the subject or their experience. She has with subjects from religion, the LGBTQ community, mental illness, to motor disease, to lighter subjects like which animal people find the cutest or whether or not she should go and throw eggs at her neighbor that she hates or she talks about the series or TV show she watches.

Marinette only go out, for work, appointment or hang out with Luka, Juleka and Rose, all are her childhood best friends.And all know that’s she is Ladybug.

Marinette is known for screaming when she plays horror games and there's quite a lot of compilation of her falling off her chair or screaming, often accompanied by Tikki who jumps on her knees think of a panic attack and suddenly she falls off her chair because of Tikki.

*scene*

Marinette after a litlle jump scar : 

“ son of bi-”  * Tikki jump on her laps*

Luka is also a stramer mostly music related, but he some night doing game stream. He also have a youtube channel dedicate to music. He is call The Viperion Silencio.

 “what the fu- !”  *fall off her chair with Tikki on her, Tikki laying on her*

Luka and Marinette dated for a year and a half before realizing that they were better as friends that as couple. Their get along even better after they break.

Hours : 

Tuesday night: 8:30 p.m. to midnight, play video games

Friday evening: 8:30 p.m. to 1 a.m., review and play with Marinette at Minecraft

On twitch he sing or do some music reviews that viewers recommend. And if not play

He always showed his faces.

On youtube he does covers, original songs, has critical videos. All the videos are directed by him and edited by Juleka, him or Rose.

He also have odd jobs 

Saturday: 8 p.m. to 2:30 a.m., sing, some reviews and a the end he play video games

Nino, Alya and Adrien, are TTOM players, and Adrien is a huge Ladybug fan along with Alya.

He has always been close to Marinette and helped a lot especially for her eating disorder. It helps her eat and regain a healthy relationship with her body and food.

Nino and Alya hang out in each other's apartment in turn

Nino is not a big fan of Ladybug but likes to watch her lives sometine.

Nino and Alya live close to each other and are dating

On the other hand, he's a huge fan of what Luka does.

 Nino meets Adrien on a dating site, he made a account for joking (before he dated Alya) and the two got really well, and they started exchange discord, and phone number, playing together, and they already saw each other.

Sometine, Alya and Nino go to Paris and sometime Adrien go to Bordeaux.

Nino and Aly live in Bordeaux.

Alya joined them and the three are very close and have already met in Paris.

 Nino, Alya and Adrien are 20 years old, soon 21.

Inside joke between Adrien and Nino, on the fact that Nino “cheats” on Alya with Adrien or vice versa.

Too many “bro” between Adrien and Nino, and too many bro joke

Like, I imagined, Alya hant out  at Nino place, the three playing at TTOM.

Nino die

Adrien it’s like “Noo bro, you’re my whole world bro, you can’t live me broo”

Nino is like “ Broo I hace to leave, Bro my end is close, I love you soo much broo, live my life broo”

And Alya his laying on her stomach on Nino bed, head buried in Nino sheets and she growls and insults both them and call them "drama queen"

Alya is a huge sore loser and a salty loser.

In the evening and especially when he is tired Nino is a big game trollers.

Alya is a Ladybug Twitch Admins, she was one of the first on Marinette's channel and she quickly was in her Discord. She chats a lot with her on Discord. And she helps Marinette to make special videos where there is real editing. Other admins do it too.

Adrien, Nino meets Marinette thanks to TTOM because Marinette has created a beginner party where no one knows her, she becomes friends with Nino (whom she quickly destroy) and TIN TIN TIN group chat between the 4 (with Alya in it).

Kim is Nino's childhood friend and he started playing TTOM to spent time with his bro, and ended up in group chat (with Alix because he drag her in the game too), he's not good at games and and just a cannonball but he like let off frustration by beat out the hell of the enemy

Baby step by baby step, the group chat add more people

 He live with Alix in Toulouse, their roomate.

Alix plays a bit at TTOM but plays a lot of flash and horror games.

Ivan and Mylène have 22 years old and are a couple, they don't know Ladybug much, but they've already received a lot of donation from her for their environmental association and Marinette has advertised for them for free

Alix likes Ladybug but she is not her favorite streamer.she understand Marinette's struggle on her eating disorder  because she had eating disorder since she was a child, Kim helps her a lot with it

Nathaniel lives in Auvergne with Marc, the two work together on comics but Nathalie also works as a freelance illustrator and he has already made the banner and stickers for steamers and youtubers, including Marinette.

Ivan and Mylène do vlogs and have a site and an environmental association that Marinette really appreciates.

Max is a little streamer well known to be one of Marinette's best rivals, especially on Ultimate Mecha Strike 3. 

He also does video thumbnails and cover video illustrations for a lot of youtubers including Luka.

Nathaniel started chatting with Marinette because of this (Marinette commissioned him for her website, and her channels) and the two became very good friends.

He lives in Strasbourg and works in engineering stuff.

He does very little live but has a very loyal audience because he's a goddamn god on some games.

And some compilation of their best roasted and sassy moment are on youtube.

The two fight each year for the prize of UMS3

The two like to throw shades at each other  when they playing together.. Very big sassy and roasted moment.

* A bit like RuPaul's Reading season 5 between Alaska and Alyssa Edward * (Yeah i’m kinda in some fever of RPDR right now)

Like : 

There is a roasted meme running in their respective communities, because Max had been champion for two years when Marinette arrived and took that cup from him.

“Hey Bug In !  Here Ladybug, I'm with our dear friend The Gamer, undefeated champion of UMS3 oh whait -

They talk on discord

Okay I finish to translate everything, and shame on my I finish juste by copy paste from google translate. 

* gasp then clap * bravo, it was a good one, Miss [insert thing that Marinette lost or meme of her]

And their conversation is basically shades and meme.

Bruh I wrote a lot :o

I don’t know if I’m going to do some update on it. Give me your opinion on it ! Also you can take some idea just tag me and let’s me see what you have do ^^ !

Good Night  

[photolover82]

The Masked Singer Season 3 Episode 2: Group A Playoffs  (Thoughts and Guesses)

Hello, my fellow Masked Singer lovers! Yesterday was the playoffs for Group A of The Masked Singer, where 5 masks compete for 4 spots in the championship round (where the top 3 go into the final 9), so you know what time it is: me giving my predictions and opinions (I am adding opinions on performances and stuff too since it will be boring for me repeating the same freaking guesses over and over again even though I am inserting my little direction of this week’s batch of clues). Ok, here we go!

Let’s start with the reveal of the day... **SPOILER ALERT Y’ALL** don’t say I didn’t warn you... The person who got eliminated was **DRUMROLL PLEASE**

The Llama 

Who was revealed to be **AGAIN SPOILER I SAY** 

DREW FREAKING CAREY (aka Price is Right dude... well that’s how I know him) 

I guessed it!!! Peep my recap from Monday... I knew it guys, it was kind of obvious but here are his clues from this episode: 

They had superlative clues after the performance and his was “Most Likely to be Near Firing Cannons” =  he was in the Marine Corp Reserves

In the clue package, he was playing an accordion in front of a live studio audience, pointing to his shows that he has done in front of a live studio audience, like Price is Right and Whose Line is it Anyways.

As for my opinion on his performance, I thought it was an average performance so it was no shock that he went home. I think he is a really good singer for someone who isn't a professional singer. Honestly, his costume was hilarious and his run on the show was great, especially seeing him move his strap on booty lmao. (Btw the song he sang was It’s Not Unusual by Tom Jones) 

Anyways, now that that's done, let’s get into the 4 remaining masks who I still need to guess. 

1. The White Tiger 

Ok so let’s start with the White Tiger’s Performance: He sang Good Vibrations by Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch and honestly, he isn’t a great vocalist, which is expected because he isn’t a professional vocalist at all. However, his dancing made the performance for me and kind of made up for the vocals he lacked (sorry but the guy can rap at the very least, he cannot sing, he could talk sing or rap but singing isn’t something he should be doing full time, which is completely fine because it isn’t for everyone and he seems like a cool guy, no shade). Anyways, yeah, having said that, this is who I believe he is: 

ROB “GRONK” GRONKOWSKI 

Why do you think that, you may ask? Well, take a look at the clues: 

All throughout the clue package, he mentions that he “loves a good block party” and he loves to dance. Well, Gronk is very well known for his insane block parties as I said last week so everything is tying together here. 

Picture of a cow skiing: pun on his last name: Gron-KOW-SKI get it? 

Boombox in the clue package: Patriots went viral with a video of them dancing and celebrating their  Super Bowl victory with a boombox blasting music

Superlative: Most Likely to go to the mat for a friend= he did do a wrestling match with one of his close friends 

2. Miss Monster 

Performance: Miss Monster performed Fancy by Reba McEntire  and I gotta say I loved how her voice sounded with the song. Like, the song is a typical country song, but her voice isn't what you will associate with country music but the blend of both is so awesome to watch. You can tell that she is an experienced vocalist, kind of gives me the same vibe the Flower aka Patti LaBelle gave me last season, such an iconic vocalist. So, of course my guess has to be the legendary....

CHAKA KHAN 

Ok so let’s look at the clues aka the reasoning behind my guess: 

In clue package, we see a queen chess piece and she is the queen of funk as we mentioned last week.

Butterfly drawing = has a song called “Hot Butterfly” 

Superlative: Most Likely to be in the presence of royalty = she did meet the queen in 2009 and she is royalty in the music industry 

3. The Kangaroo 

Performance: Kangaroo performed You Know I’m No Good by Amy Winehouse and wow that song was perfect for her like on point with her voice. Her voice is amazing, which I never expected from looking at the mask. Ok, so my guess for this one is.... 

JORDYN WOODS 

Ok so, I have debated back and forth with this one, the only doubt I have is the voice because I have never ever heard her sing... I searched on YT and nothing popped up of her singing, which is odd. It would make sense if her voice was like the llama or the white tiger, good but not amazing. However, she sounds like a professional singer so idk but these clues add up: 

In the beginning of the clue package, it says “Kangaroo Kourt,” which could be alluding to her previous association with the Kardashians

We see makeup in the bench and Jordyn did have a makeup collaboration with Kylie Cosmetics and does makeup tutorials on YouTube

Also, she made a Fresh Prince reference saying she wanted a “fresh start” while playing basketball because her father was a sound engineer on that show. 

Superlative: Most Likely to Appear in a List with Seal and Mike Tyson... what I have seen about this is that this is a list of celebrities with gap teeth (which she has since fixed with dental work) 

4. The Turtle 

Performance: I am gonna say it, Turtle is literally my favorite singer in this group of masked celebrities. He is so smooth and his voice is like butter. He sang “Say You Won’t Let Go” by James Arthur and I am sure everyone in the audience was in a trance after that performance. His voice is so amazing, but also so recognizable which is why I think he is the one, the only, the ever so dreamy... 

JESSE MCCARTNEY 

Ok so I am so sure about this, you cannot change my mind, but if you insist, we’ll look at the clues: 

In the clue package, there’s a menu with Ginger Snaps= his mother is named Ginger; Slow Cooked Beets= had a band called Sugar Beats before Dream Street 

Also, there is something written on the chalk board that says “Don’t Rave Ever At My School Turtle,” which if you take the first letters of each word, spell out DREAM ST, the name of his former boy band back in the day. 

Another thing I found interesting was that he was the voice of Leonardo in Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which could be the source of inspiration for the costume he’s wearing. 

Superlative: Most Likely to Hunt for Booty = Pirates = he did a couple of acting roles and his first movie was a pirate movie 

Ok, so that is it! Thank you for reading my little recap/commentary/deep dive on the Masked Singer! I’ll see you guys next week with some more guessing and reveals. Bye! 

[lockdownuk]

Lockdown Diary Part 4

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day91: I can’t post photos to the sister photo diary and it’s fucking me off. Using this as a place holder- last successful pic was 21/06/2020.

Day 92: Still awaiting Tumblr re: day 91′s entry. Meanwhile looking at other blog/diary sites. Very warm today, like it was throughout May. Boris announced a further relaxation in lockdown measures which includes reducing the 2m distancing instruction which paves the way for pubs, restaurants and other places to open on 4th  . It looks like the Ship will open 6th July, George on the 4th. I await to see the measures put in place before deciding whther it’s a goer.

Day93: Typing on day 94 - I received an email from Deryn from RCI HR concerning placement online module attendance, thanking me for my participation. I was somewhat confused. Was this a mistake or was I erroneously not icluded in the initial communications? I fired off an email to HR and WhatsApp’d Jim. He replied that I should take it up with HR.

I am worried by this. Furlough ends this week and I know not what the fuck is going on.

Day 94: Had a few beers last night, ‘cos I was feeling deflated over work. Finished Homecoming S2, which was very good, and cancelled Amazon Prime before the free trial ends tomorrow. Got up @midday but haven’t done jack shit today as my right ankle is playing up - it was twinging last night - apart from press ups. No word back from RCI but there was a notification that the email from Deryn was attempted to be recalled. Had a spat in Co-Op wth two lads who were ignoring the one way system and social-distancing. It makes my blood boil and I had to say something which ended up making my blood boil even more…especially as one of them asked me to ‘crack on’. It’s a pretty cool response actually, since I had them bang to rights but, at the time, I thought I was going to bust a blood vessel. I walked away having told him to not speak to me like that again and that he was a fucking arsehole! Didn’t make me feel any better though. Fog’s chatting later so I’m going to have a few beers right now (just gone 8pm) - I feel like throwing caution to the wind for some reason (probably work more than anything else).

Day 95: Typing on Day 96. I had a lot of beers with Fog the night before last and felt like shit all day yesterday. Still managed to drag myself up to Foggy’s and have socially distanced beers in his garden with Noel and Lord Irish of Michael.

Day 96: Feeling like shit. Third day of no walking ‘cos my ankle is a little sore although I did walk back from Foggy’s last night.

Day 97: Two walks and my usual stair climb today. Felt good to get back to routine. Plus, no booze yesterday, even tho’ it was a Saturday, feel better for it. I heard from Sue Cockings from HR on Friday, btw, still furloughed until further notice.

Day 98: I discovered, yesterday, that today is actually day 99 of lockdown since it actually begun on the Sunday evening that Boris Johnson announced the measures being in place - I mistakenly thought it began on the Monday. Tumblr still haven’t got back to me regarding reviewing why this blog is deemed ‘sensitive’ and I can’t add any more pics. While I am typing, Northampton are beating Exeter 0-2 at Wembley in the L2 play-off final. It’s funny that their fans can’t be there to see it. Football, in general, on its return after lockdown, without fans in attendance, is shit - like watching women’s football - too many empty seats.

Day 100: I have decided to number the days correctly (See prev’ entry). It’s a good time as I had to export , delete and recreate this blog on Tumblr since they have been non-forthcoming in my request for info as to why they deemed it ‘sensitive’. So, this is a restart, altrough seemless to the reader. On top of all that, I am writing this on Day 101! After restarting the blog diary I forgot to add the day’s entry! Bumped into Roger on my second walk, at the top of Basset Ford Place. We chatted for an hour or so. It was really good to see him and talk. We’ve made a promise to interact more...it seems both he and I allow ourselves to get down in the dumps (easy in self-isolation) and, as such, we shall try to reach out as and when. He suggested a walk together every now and then.

Day 101: I heard back from a charitable services company that Barry Haddon (who, coincidentally, I spoke with today) told me about (Auriga)and answered their email questions. BNarry rates them and told me they got him some decent results like he no longer has to pay Council Tax. I tweeted Chris Hawkes on Radio 6 this morning...he was asking for examples of sames names (’cos he had Dave Gorman on) so I told him about The Redlion and the ad the ‘other’ Tim put in the ET. He read it out! I created a photo album of 101 pics I’ve taken in lockdown and put it on FB including the Oundle Chatter group. The comments were great. My right eyesight is worrying, I cannot make out close up detail i.e. reading is blurred. I am going to start doing 10 press ups after each exercise i.e. three times a day. I decided that during my second walk so today I’ve done 20. Lastly, I have new neighbours I do believe. Hmmm.

Day 102: Emailed dad and Rita to have a rant about what dad thought of the Leicester lockdown and to share a link to my 101 photo album. Had a long Messenger chat with Rog.

Day 103: Typing this on day 104. Dad called when I was out ona  walk so we skyped when I got back. He looks really well! Advided me on how to cutt some branches that are hanging low (I asked him in the email yesterday). I then borrowed a saw, secateurs and green bin from Karen. I walked a long way today. My second walk was 9km.I then had loads of beers! The Co-Op car park seems to be the venue for youngsters to hang out. I was gone 2am before they finished partying. I (re)watched Steve Jobs. Wow....just wow. What a film and what a man!

Day 104: It was gone 1:30pm when I got up feeling the worse for wear. A chilli, chorizo and cheese omelette really sorted me out but no beer tonight. How my Saturday frame of mind has changed from just a few years ago. Elliot and Camilla dropped off a jar of japaenos (that Mil had WhatsApp’d me about) and, among other things, we chatted about a photo Tracie Garrett circulated featuring Ell, me her and a few others who met up to have a drink at The Haycock for Ron Gambling. In it was Cath and someone called Ross (who I don’t remember) who have both passed since the pic (July ‘99). I feel strangely saddened by it all. The pic itself is such a reminder of days past - it conjours up shit loads of different feelings.

Day 105: A few beers again last night so another late one (5ish) but up before noon. Finished watching a series called Condor. Pretty good - bit of a messy ending that is the norm with telly nowadays in that it is a little bit of a cliffhanger.

Day 106: The Ship reopened today. I left a nice message on the Virtual Pub group page wishing them the best plus said thanks to Rach. I think it will be the end of the laugh we’ve had on the virtual site now. I expect to go through a bit of a miserabel time with people now venturing out down the pubs.We were once all united in lockdown - that will no longer be the case. Met Rog for a walk - did over 7km oncluding through Barnwell Picnic Park - I don’t remember it being that pretty. defo going to go there again. Got an email from RCI asking for all furlough workers to join a Zoom meeting tomorrow with Paul (MD) and Deryn (HR). Ominous! Went shopping in Asda and Farm Foods. £100 with NO BOOZE!

Day 107: The zoom call today didn’t tell me much other than we are being furloughed still, until further notice. It was susggested that we have a zoom meeting every 2 weeks and that RCI recognise we’ve be left out in the cold somewhat. I appreciate that very much.There were 30 of us on the call plus Paul and Deryn were in the office since they had to make peopel redundant today. Mark was in the office earlier to take receivership of the IT kits from those that left.

Day 108: I am well on the way to doing 1,000,000 steps in theree months (July, August & September) but at what cost. I’ve done well over 11,000 steps each day in July (actually, a lot of days in June as well) apart from one (8k) and I am feeling it. My right leg/ankle is sore! Day 109: I had another mention by Chris Hawkins on Radio 6. He asked for Brian May moments - apparently when he met Brian May he was so starstruck that all he could say was ‘thank you for the music’. I tweeted my story of telling Felicity Kendall to have a good life. Today, both my walks have resulted in me getting fucking soaked. Hanna S2 is on Amazon Prime. Time for yet another free trial (number 4 or 5).

Day 110: I have walked 144,448 steps in 10 days, well on the way to a million steps in three months. The Heist of the Century - an Argentinian film based on true events - watched it last night (well, over two nights, actually). A real life Ocean’s Eleven (but with 6). Brilliant film, brilliat story. I had issues signing up to another Amazon Prime free trial last night so I set up another gmail a/c just now and I think I’m in. I used Danny’s Gmail (which I created over 15 years ago!) and it didn’t like it - I think I must have used it before. I reckon I have probably had loads more free trials than I care to remember. Anyway, off to watch me some Hanna!

Day 111: Very tired as I type. Bed at around 5am, up at 13:30, normal exercises, cleaning kitchen cupbaords and I’m done in. It’s 10:30pm now, just cracked open a beer and about to watch a new Netflix film “The Old Guard”. I would continue with Hanna but Amazon Prime keeps fucking erroring. I will try to go to bed before it gets light (which seems to be my w/e norm nowadays!

Day 112: I have got into the habit of eating dinner far too late. It’s 10:30pm as I type and I am just about to have something eat. I’m not sure why I feel it’s wrong to eat so late but I do, I shall be trying to address it. Late night again last night (gone 4:30am) so today was a lazy day. Only on ewalk but it was 10km and I get up the above 11,000 steps needed for the 1m challenge. My stair climb, at around 9pm, fucking killed.

Day 113: Boring Monday.

Finished watching The Old Guard on Netflix. A Highlander-esque affair with Charlize Theron kicking ass like she did in Atomic Blonde. It was OK. Haven’t manage to lick the late night eating. It’s 10:05pm and tea’s still cooking.

Day 114: I have been looking at planning persmissions on the ENDC site for questions posed on the Oundle Chatter group on FB. There’s going to be two sites with 130 new houses on each and it’s causing concern. And so it should - the planning docs are very revealing. Objections are dismissed in such an off-hand way. It’s really quite insulting. I was awfully down today, during my first walk. I mean, really despondant (too difficult to describe here), which is a lower version of the norm - it’s been a good couple of weeks since anyone’s even asked how I am! A week since that post on my main blog. But, I powered through and am back to the usual depth! I ate at @9:30 pm tonight. Told ya!

Day 115: I am typing this on Day 116 - I ended up hainga  couple of beers last night and forgot to post. I had the most ridiculous toing and froing on FB and Messenger with Rachel (Harris) - it was piss funny. She is the first person in days, actually weeks, who has asked how I am! I watched ep3 of Hanna S2. Absolutely superb. She kills Marissa! Did not see that fucker coming...mind blown! Day 116: I have finally finished the thorough clean of the kitchen. Fucking drama. I am typing at just gone 10pm, about to eat (curry I made yesterday). It’s been a strange day, timings wise, last night’s drinking meant I wasn’t up until just gone noon which obviously didn’t help. I had a call from DSM group - I applied for an IT tech role, they want to see me tomorrow (Friday) for an interview (in Sibson). Interesting! (Although the contact, Helen, hasn’t sent the promised email!)

Day 117: Despite not getting a confirmation email, I attended the interview at DSM. It went OK (I was there for 90 mins). I went booze shopping in Tesco’s afterwards. Spoke to dad today also - he and Rita are well, as usual! I am feeling really knackered and achy today. I do hope it’s not anything to worry about.

Day 118: Up at 1pm. 9.79 km walk. Cooking meatballs, drinking beer, listening to The Blaze about to watch Deepwater Horizon. All good today!

Day 119: Similar to yesterday, up late, bloody long walk, watching Saving Private Ryan (which I started last night).

Day 120: Typing on day 121. Received an email from someone that works at the BBC for Shaun Keaveny’s show - they want me to do small claims court on August 5th. I’m becoming obsessed with getting my steps in - my second walk was extended to round Barnwell Country Park - over 17.5k steps - not the most I’ve done in one day but, for example, most in one day last month (June) was 14.7k. More importantly, I am finding that I can walk further (and for longer) and not have a hypo; not a great deal further, but over an hour.

[whats-the-story-tc]

20th of March, 2020

"The One with Specs' Very Conflicting Opinions on One Miss V"

Seeing how my friends got responses like "Great answers, thank you!" or anywhere and everywhere within that range of positive and encouraging comments, I got incredibly excited when I was notified of V's response, a bit before 8 AM.

V: "Thank you!"

Total meltdown. I asked everyone I regularly talk to and as far as I'm concerned, I'm the only one without any comment at all. Just that. Just thank you. My perfectionist ass, way too eager to please people, immediately started scouting for what I could've done wrong that I got only this much. Just two words. But as soon as I told Bandana Friend that I now I'm sure I'm boring V to no extent, I got this response:

BanF: "[SPECS] FUCKING STOP"

BanF: "SHE ADORES YOU"

BanF: "WHY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONE SHE TALKS ABOUT EVERYTHING TO"

I couldn't argue with that, though adore is maybe a tad bit too strong for however V may feel about me. Even still, in that very moment, I was quite mad at her. Well, okay, not mad, but... hurt. She wasn't trying to hurt me, that much I know, but I felt like shit. I did everything in my power to write something that would get a strong response, or at least longer than a single word. Now I know it was incredibly pointless and I should've studied more instead, but I spent two hours afterwards crying with varying intensity. I just don't know who she is, not even now, and I didn't have her eyes as a cheat sheet anymore. By the time I'm writing this, I'm getting closer to finding answers, so it's all fine. But at the same time... no, it isn't. I bloody miss her a lot, even though she's constantly within reach, her name and face seared onto my personal contact list on The Platform That Shall Not Be Named, as a reminder.

But enough about my misery, off we go with the rest of the story.

It's 9:30 by the time she returns, informing us in the class chat on The Platform That Shall Not Be Named about the existence of Zoom (you'll know what that is), saying: "Next week, we could already see each other!" I wasn't sure at the time whether I could handle it. To be honest, I'm still not.

An hour-ish later, she returns to the same chat with a test reminder written in all caps.

Another hour later, she pops up in the Messenger chat, her all caps message having no less than four (4) exclamation marks, the sight of which inspired the following text to my friends:

S: "Thank you, Miss. Will there be a twentieth message, too, so I'll feel even more fucked up or was that enough? 🤣"

S: "(Joking.)"

Blonde Boy in the Back joked that he might not make it, V responding the following:

V: "Until now, I've only informed you three times on three different platforms, if you don't write it, at least I'll have to grade less."

Ouch. Ruthless.

About three quarters of the test were things I couldn't cheat out of my handy dandy little notebook, open next to me. They were either literary devices to recognise, things to look up on the Internet, or that one last analysis. Even if you didn't want to, you had to think — or be like those five people who kept messaging me for answers. Okay, I'd be lying if I said it didn't have me whisper-screaming "[V's first name], fuck you" a couple times, but I have to give credit where it's due. She is an absolutely brilliant woman, you guys. Stellar. Incredibly clever and just so good at what she does. I will never not be amazed.

Throughout the whole test, she kept in touch with us, to inform us of a question she messed up and to thank us for the answers that slowly kept coming in. Then, this happened:

V: "received everyone's, you guys were great!"

S: "Seeing the questions were good... 🙂"

V: "I can state that from a grading viewpoint google forms isn't very practical"

V: "But we're all learning 🙂"

Copycat. Also, the day I stop catering to V's ego is probably the day I die. Lmao.

Half an hour later, she thanked us a third time on The Platform That Shall Not Be Named for submitting our answers and dipped, barely to be heard of again (except for a two-letter response to Debate Friend) until Monday.

That very afternoon I was missing school a lot and decided to snoop around on Youtube in search of old videos of my school. I found it a bit funny that V's only been here half the time I have, but is featured in more things. Nevertheless, @justanother-tcblog and I had quite the laugh at some of the things I found. Especially one... rather very peculiar video. Which we're not talking about.

On a closing note, as I was writing I found a conversation from the 6th of September, 2018(!!!) between Bookworm Friend and I. Don't laugh.

BWF: "Btw do you like the English teacher?"

S: "I'm digging her style"

BWF: "Yasss, me too"

S: "Reminds me of myself."

SO I WAS THE ORIGINAL ARSE WHO STARTED IT. This is literally so hilarious. We'd had three classes with her at that point and I was both enticed by and terrified of her. I had no way of knowing "I'm digging her style" would turn into "I'm in love with her" one day. But all the pain aside... I'm glad it did.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

[milatherese]

Update No. 5 (*cue Mambo No. 5*) – 90 Days, School, Discernment (just a lil bit)

Note #1: This update is long. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Note #2: If you don’t know Mambo No. 5, you need to listen to it (even though the lyrics may be morally wrong, it is quite catchy).

“How was the 90 day journey of a tiny bit of asceticism?” you ask. (nobody cares but I’m pretending you do haha)

That’s a question I still ask myself several days later. 90 days is a lot to process. Therefore, I have included my short answer to this question here: – It was a bit hard in the beginning but got easier as the days went by – I especially enjoyed the no social media / limited communication – I hated cold showers, actually gave it up by the end of the first month or so because it did more harm than good (imo)

The beginning was a little rough, but about as good as sacrifice gets. (you can read my thoughts on that here, here, and here) About a month in, I couldn’t cope, at least physically. I ended up just doing what I felt I was strong enough to do.

January was a little rough. Ever since school started, I had headaches every day (including non-school days). (If you’re wondering why I never shared this with you and why I hid my pain, it was because I didn’t want you to worry.)

At first the headaches were tolerable. I could get through a 12-hour day with minimal pain. They got increasingly worse. I began taking Tylenol according to the recommended dosage (1-2 tablets every 4-6 hours). I didn’t take Tylenol every other day (I try to avoid medicine, if possible) but I eventually “graduated” to taking the extra strength Tylenol, also according to the recommended dosage. Eventually, the headaches began to impact my studying. I had limited time to study (I had to time my studying during the lesser painful waves of my headaches). I was so worried for one class that I spent all my time studying for that one class during lecture of another difficult class (I figured I could bring up my grade in the second class later). Despite my high of level of unpreparedness, I was looking forward to taking the exams for both classes. I thought my headaches were the result of stressing over those two classes. Unfortunately, taking the exams for those classes didn’t end the headaches. In fact, they may have increased the pain.

My headaches soon became unbearable. I couldn’t hide the pain any longer. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t eat out of fear that I would only make the pain worse. I was in tears from the pain. Massaging my head and using an ice pack didn’t reduce the pain. I wanted to rip my head off to get rid of the pain once and for all.

At this time, I decided it was time to begin thinking about seeing the doctor about this. (Yes, I should have already gone to the doctor but my pain isn’t really a concern to me.) I decided that I would go to the doctor if the headaches persist for another week.

The pain was at its absolute worst one Saturday. I had to call in sick for work (we had an event – which I was really looking forward to, btw). I spent the day crying from the pain (at this point, my body wasn’t really responding to Tylenol). Finally, the physical pain began to affect my mental health. I was trying to figure out the root cause of the pain. I began questioning all my decisions – transferring high schools, transferring universities, not applying to a certain community, leaving relationships, etc. I was wondering if this was some sort of a punishment for making the “wrong” decision (which I later learned is no such thing, more on this another day). I felt so lost and alone. I was wondering if this was a taste of what Mother St. Teresa described as a “long dark night.” (I referenced this before in my last update but I just can’t get her long dark night out of my head.) I eventually cried myself to sleep and slept the rest of the day until 2am the next day.

When I woke, I noticed the pain had disappeared and, with it, the emotional rollercoaster I was going through earlier. I was able to get some rest from the physical and emotional pain and my mind was finally functioning as it normally would – quiet and able to think logically. It was clear that my pain was not for torment but for me to focus on something more important than the pain itself. I decided to pray the Rosary for it had been several weeks since I had been able to pray the Rosary without distractions (I would either fall asleep or be distracted by the headache or my studies). I prayed God would help me discern what He wanted me to tend to. I felt that I should prayerfully consider my career path now that I was away from outside influences.

I began reflecting on my semester thus far. There was one day that my mom visited campus and overheard some girls complimenting and encouraging each other. She told me, “I want you to be in whatever major they’re in. They seem happy. You don’t.” At the time, I was too stubborn to see that my happiness was just a mask I put on to “be strong.” I remembered writing pre-labs and post-labs but barely understanding the material, only understanding the grammar necessary to produce acceptable scholarly work. I recalled being so stressed that I was rude to the whole world (except for work) to the point that my mom exclaimed, “Who are you? You’re not human anymore!”  She was right – I wasn’t myself.  That woke me up. I thought, “What good is my major if it only brings out the worst in me?” In prayer, felt called to pursue another career instead of MD/DO. I still don’t know what career exactly, but I’m trusting that my time studying and preparing for MD/DO will help me in my calling.

That Sunday, I informed my parents and one trusted relative of my decision to change majors and they were overjoyed. (My uncle seemed to have already known in the beginning that I would leave the MD/DO path, but wanted me to come to that decision myself.)

So, I changed majors back to Allied Health, B.S.

I met with my academic advisor (not the one who screwed me over, for any of those who know the story) and we came up with a school plan. Estimated graduation date was Fall 2021.

I dealt with this change as best I could and things were on the up and up…until it wasn’t.

Early February, I learned that a close priest friend had passed away, just 3 days shy of his birthday. I had been looking forward to his birthday (not that I would be with celebrating with him, just happy he would be celebrating another year) so hearing the news was devastating. He was like an uncle to me. To quote what I said at a memorial, he was “a great friend, a big brother, a father figure, a very holy man, a man for others.” (There’s so much I can say on him but I’ll leave that for another post) The first day, I seemed okay. Minimal feelings of sadness. It hadn’t hit me yet. It hit me the very next day. And it hit hard and long. I was crying everywhere I went whenever I was away from family and friends. Some days were harder than others (my supervisor sent me home early to give me time to grieve). I was going through so many emotions. I was frustrated that I was taking so long to grieve (I later learned that grief has no time limit) and annoyed that I did not feel comfortable talking to my family or friends about it. I had faced loss before (when Bro. Morgan passed away), but never anything as devastating as this. I did not know how to cope with grief. I struggled to stay focused during class (actually broke down in tears at least during one class each day) and to finish my work (skipped out on a staff meeting due to waterworks). I cancelled a couple meetings and called in sick to group therapy twice. I distanced myself from the world and those who love[d] me. Unfortunately, all this affected my studies once again. Despite my lighter load, I could not concentrate. I did not think of sharing all this with my professors as I felt like they wouldn’t understand (or maybe I was just being stubborn again?)

It came time for RECongress and I held it together (somewhat…more on that on another post). It was that Friday that I was able to study without getting distracted by grief. I had an exam the following Monday. But one day of studying 3+ weeks of material was not enough to pass the exam. So there went that.

February went by with each day bleeding into the next. Each day was a blur until one blessed night.

My brother had arrived home late from school one day and as he was pulling into our driveway (why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways) a beautiful dog approached him. I won’t go into details but the dog is now ours and has been the biggest blessing this semester, especially in helping our family cope with grief. We believe (as do others) that Father Suarez sent her to us.

Come March and April, things were finally on the up and up again. I was studying every day and keeping up with work. But then quarantine hit and things went downhill yet again. I did become more active on this blog since March 16th but inside I was deteriorating. However, it wasn’t as detrimental as January and February. Let’s just say that I learned the house is not conducive to studying, I may need a new prescription for glasses, and we need to find better internet (or move to a place with better cell signal). I failed a final due to failed internet connection (thanks be to God I got another shot at it). I took my two other finals in the car in the parking lot in front of Starbucks.

Quarantine has been the best and the worst for me. I realized that spiritually, I was thirsty. Thirsty for God. I live-streamed Mass and adoration daily and at odd hours, even doing homework and studying “with God.” The more things I had to do, the more I felt the need to “hang” with God (which, in retrospect, may have been a bad decision because I ended up procrastinating and losing a lot of sleep). I learned to value receiving the sacraments in-person now. I’m more aware of when I sin or am near sin. It has also reignited the flame of faith. I’ve been doing a lot more spiritual reading, especially now that APU semester is over (still have one class at a JC).

Despite this, discernment got a bit murky. I began questioning my vocation and doing a lot more “reality checks” (and a lot more second-guessing). Frankly, I don’t think I would survive living in a community of all women since all my close friends are men. (Or is that an excuse I am making for myself?) I don’t think I would make a great mother either so perhaps I’m meant to be single? (Or am I just a harsh critic of myself and I would actually be a great mother?) I had not really spoken to my spiritual director in months (transportation and schedule issues, both on my part).

A priest I met at RECongress learned I was discerning religious life (if you didn’t know this, I hope this isn’t a surprise) and asked me to email him as soon as possible in case I need guidance. I didn’t email him until April 1st so that may have contributed to my overthinking. He replied a couple weeks later (and I replied a couple days after that and am still awaiting a response). I asked God for “another sign, for some clarity” and He gave me another. However, everything still looks murky to me. I feel both consolation and desolation at the same time. I might be facing another identity crisis like last semester. Aye.

Ok this is way longer than I had planned so I’m just gonna stop right here.

If you read this far, thank you for reading. If you relate to anything I shared, I hope you know that you’re not alone and that if you ever need anything (even if it’s just a listening ear), I’ll do my best to help. Just ask. (And if you need something but I haven’t replied in a long time, just reach out again. I forget to reply to messages quite often.)

[joonsgalaxy]

true care (m) |04

cr. ↰

→ pairing: bodyguard!Jungkook x female reader

→ genre: fake dating au, fluff/romance, angst, future smut

•  summary: your (endearingly) shy bodyguard—hired by your father—would do anything for you. even though you roll your eyes at his persistence and pretend there’s no need for him to follow you to every and any place you go, there might be many more hazards in your life than you let on. and you might end up needing him in more ways than you—or your father—would ever think.

word count: 7,6k

! warnings: mentions of toxic past relationship throughout the series; alcohol consumption

series masterlist

↠ chapter 4: pass me the glue so i don’t bleed

a/n: sorry if it sucks. hopefully it doesn’t lmao. oh btw i suck at replying to comments but pls be aware that i appreciate every single one and i read them like a hundred times each <3

The rest of the weekend seemed to last an eternity.

You stayed at home so you wouldn't have to see Jeongguk. You were studying without rest in an effort to preoccupy yourself with subjects of upcoming exams so you wouldn't hear Jeongguk's mellifluous voice humming in the silence of your room and wouldn't imagine your hand fitting perfectly in his for the umpteenth time. You thought that maybe not seeing him and not talking to him for a couple of days would help the rational side of you to take over; it would take the job of proving you that your feelings for him were a mere temporary illusion. There can't be any real feelings, because you only just started getting to know him. The boy was still quite a mystery to you. How could you possibly have already developed feelings for him? And this rational part of you sort of helped. In a way, all those things were complete true, after all. However, these thoughts weren’t the only ones begging for your attention. Jeongguk this, Jeongguk that, you kept on hearing in your mind. Sometimes in a whisper, oftentimes in a scream, overwhelming anything else that was happening within you. You felt like you had no control over it. It just kept on reoccurring, the images of him dancing before your eyes along with it. It was fucking torture. And there hadn’t been even two months since you broke up with another guy. How dare you think about Jeongguk in such a way so soon?

And there also was that thing about lies and lipstick stains tormenting your mind.

Come to think of it, it was your dad who was responsible for all your vexation. He was the one to blame for hiring Jeongguk as your bodyguard; he was the one to be careless and forget to wipe the lipstick smear from his cheek; he was the one having the audacity to tell you it was just a business dinner. He had ruined your weekend and potentially some weeks to come.

•

On Monday morning, at 10 past 8, you stepped out the house, carrying your bag filled with textbooks and your laptop, intending to leave the thoughts that were bugging you during the weekend behind.

As Mr. Ri was polishing a particular spot on the hood of the car by rubbing at it meticulously, Jeongguk and him were having a conversation. It was nice seeing them get along.

Only when you were mere feet away from the car did they notice you approaching.

‘Good morning,’ both of them greeted you in unison.

‘Good morning.’ You smiled back at them before locking eyes with the driver. ‘Did you pick Jeongguk up this morning?’

‘I sure did.’ answered Mr. Ri brightly.

‘Again, thank you,’ Jeongguk said, his shy yet grateful eyes meeting yours.

Smile tugging the corners of your lips, you lifted one shoulder in a flippant shrug. ‘I didn’t do a thing.’ It sort of was true. You only had to text the driver letting him know you wanted him to pick Jeongguk up from his home, for he didn’t have his own car to commute. And, looking back at Thursday night, they already had each other’s numbers, so they were able to easily communicate and arrange that.

As usual, after the driver pulled open the door for you, you occupied the backseat, and Jeongguk sat in the front.

•

The first class was called law of evidence.

Strolling down the hallway toward the auditorium with Jeongguk by your side, you spotted someone that made your heart accelerate and beat unpleasantly fast. There were two of Kwangsun's good friends standing alongside one of the walls. They were looking directly at you, faces inscrutable. Right in the middle of them, much to your exasperation, was the guy that you talked to Mina about recently. The one that had given you the message from Kwangsun himself; the very same guy that showed up at the party later the same day. Even if before there was still a sliver of possibility that Kwangsun didn't actually know the guy and he was some random dude that was randomly asked to give you the paper plane (later dropping by at the party, asking about you just because he was just interested in the drama that had surrounded you and your ex), now you were 100% sure that Kwangsun and him were in fact friends.

All three of them were blatantly staring at you and Jeongguk. What was their deal?

You told yourself you had no other choice but to grip Jeongguk by his hand and lead him into the auditorium. 'C'mon,' you said. 'The class starts in a few minutes.'

You felt Jeongguk tense up a little at the contact and the unexpected invite, but after half a second of consideration he dutifully complied and followed you to the auditorium.

If the mysterious guy was still trying to figure out your relationship status, this would show him that you were dating for sure.

If you had left Jeongguk in the hallway, who knows, maybe they would've come up to him and tried to pry answers from him. And that could've ended up in an utter debacle. Even if you knew that Jeongguk was capable of dealing with everything concerning his work, you didn't want to take any risks; you weren't about to give him such control over the situation, for you wanted to make sure everything went according to your plans.

'Let's go to the back,' you told Jeongguk as you were climbing up the steps toward the highest point of the huge room. You still had his hand in yours; he held it tightly. Only when you moved to take a seat in the very back, you let go of it.

He remained standing, a million questions reflecting in his eyes.

You patted the air just above the seat next to you, smiling welcomingly.

'Uh,' Jeongguk drawled, confusion written all over his face. 'Shouldn't I leave?'

'The class is about to start. Don't you wanna learn about law of evidence?'

He still looked perplexed. Jeongguk was startled by the change in your attitude about him being near you during class. At first you were opposed to the idea of him simply peeking into the rooms to make sure it was safe for you to enter; and now you were encouraging him to sit through the class right beside you. His wariness made complete sense.

He started saying something, 'I mean—

The professor entered the room, drawing everyone's attention toward her, including Jeongguk's.

'Quick!' You whispered. 'It's starting.'

He had no other choice than succumbing to your request and taking that seat next to you.

'Is this because of that guy in the hallway?' Jeongguk whispered as you were pulling your laptop out your bag.

Your eyes widened at that. 'What?' Had he noticed him, too?

‘YG, is it?’ Jeongguk knew the guy's name? 'He gave you the paper plane last week, and was at the party? He's your friend, right? You had to make this whole being a couple thing believable?'

Oh. 'Yeah, that's right.'

'So…' Jeongguk fiddled with his sleeve, glancing at the professor who was starting the lecture. 'Should I just sit here until the class ends?'

'Yeah, why not? Nobody cares, anyway. Aren't you interested in law of evidence?'

'I am,' he whispered enthusiastically.

Fascinated, he sat through the whole lecture, listening attentively.

It was fun seeing Jeongguk so immersed in the subject, so you invited him to some of the other classes that week, too. He had a pass card that allowed him to enter the faculty, so as long as it wasn't a test day or the professor wasn't one of those that loved to question people during lectures Jeongguk could easily go in and out of auditoriums without anyone paying attention to him. The authorities were aware he was your bodyguard, but other students and professors didn't need to know that; as far as they were concerned Jeongguk was just another student among the sea of others.

Sometimes you'd discuss the topics that the classes were about. He would ask questions and you'd try to answer and explain them to him as best you could. He complimented the way you managed to make intricate things sound simple, and he thoroughly enjoyed the examples you'd given him to make your point. The more sparkles in his eyes you noticed the more you were thrilled about telling him about the theories from textbooks and some ideas that you had of your own. The conversations would occur between classes or after them during the slow strolls around campus or sometimes, like on Thursday that week, at your favourite cafe named Symphony.

However, the law or interesting cases through history weren't the only things you two talked about. There was a little unpleasant surprise at the counter, and Jeongguk was curious about it.

'I was told to give you this again,' the cashier said, her hand held out to you, a sky blue paper plane on her palm.

Attempting to smother the irritation surging through your veins, you politely thanked her, even managed a smile. Having bought a cupcake and a cup of coffee, you sauntered to the garbage can and tossed the paper plane into it without even unfolding it and looking to see if there was a message written inside. You weren't interested in what he had to say to you.

When both you and Jeongguk made yourself comfortable onto the chairs behind one of the tables in the cafe, he asked, 'Some sort of secret admirer?'

'Huh?' Your mind was distracted.

'Sending you the paper planes?'

'Oh…' You didn't know what to tell him.

'I'm guessing Yoongi is only the messenger in this? Unless he's hitting on you and Mina at the same time?'

'No,' you answered with a tinge of distaste. 'He's… yeah, he's only a messenger.'

Jeongguk nodded, humming. 'So… do you know who's the admirer?'

'Uh—

'I mean, you don't have to tell my anything, if you don't want to.'

'It's not that. He's no one important.'

He looked at you sceptically over his cup of tea. 'Seems to go out of his way to make an impression, though.'

Yeah, quite a horrible impression. Kwangsun seemed to ruin every good memory you still had with him by doing all this unnecessary stuff. What an idiot.

'Well, I'm not really interested in him.'

'Oh, that's… sad.'

'So why are you smiling?'

His grin only widened; he tried to conceal it by lifting his cup up to his nose. 'It's just… the cupcake is exquisite.'

'You haven't even tasted it yet.'

'Even just the thought of biting into it makes me happy.'

You shook your head, chuckling.

After eating and talking about the day’s lectures you said, 'So… about tomorrow night.'

'Yes?' You had Jeongguk's full attention.

'Have you already talked to Mr. Ri about it? You both should be in front of my house at 7 pm sharp.'

'Yes, he picks me up at 6:40. We'll be there on time.'

'Good.' You nodded once. 'The dress code is black tie.'

'Yes, I'm aware. My suit is ready. What are you so anxious about?'

'Psh, I'm not. I'm used to these kinds of events, you know.'

'So you're worried about me.' His tone had a hint of bitterness.

'No… Yes.' You winced.

He pursed his lips into a thin line, exhaled. 'I memorized every exit, every window and every corner in the hotel. You don't have to worry about it. And I bought a suit. I won't embarrass you, miss ____.'

Your brow furrowed. He hadn't been calling you like that the whole week, since the Friday night when you ordered him to call you by only your first name. At all times. The boy looked offended and defensive, wanting to distance himself by acting like a professional employee. Just an employee and nothing else. That reminded you how much he wished to prove you and your dad that he was a capable bodyguard.

If truth be told, it hurt a little, just the tiniest bit. Without even realizing you started seeing Jeongguk as your friend, someone you could talk to about both school matters and your personal life. The way he addressed you at the café was a cutting reminder that he was certainly not your friend, and probably would never be. Especially when it was so important for him that you saw him as a skilful bodyguard.

'Of course not,' you said. 'I'm not worried about that. I just want everything to go smoothly. There's enough stress as it is.' That was complete truth.

.

•

You barely ever wore dresses or high heels, and it usualy wouldn't take an hour to get ready, but these kinds of events were an exception (it was the celebration of the bank your dad worked at being established 25 years ago). You had learned to act and dress the way people around you wanted you to. It was for your own good, your dad and grandparents used to tell you. You dressed and talked like the rich, well-mannered, educated girl you were and nobody looked at you twice; you blended in. It was easier that way. You'd go to an event, show everyone how well your father had raised you and, when the time was appropriate for leaving, you'd make your exit.

That Friday evening you wore a designer dress that you and your grandmother decided on buying two weeks prior. You squeezed your feet into a pair of high heels that you also hadn't wore before.

When you stepped out of the house, your driver as well as Jeongguk were already waiting outside for you. They were chatting, facing each other, which had become a usual thing. You had to pause and smile to yourself. Even if Jeongguk was turned to Mr. Ri, that didn't prevent you from observing how good he actually looked in that new black suit of his. A really well fitting suit, you had to admit. One hand in the pocket of his slacks, the other making vague gestures as he spoke, he exuded confidence, and he seemed relaxed.

You started toward the car again, cursing the high heels. (You were good at concealing the discomfort, though. Another lesson from your grandmother coming in handy.)

Jeongguk turned to face you, and, upon seeing your approaching form, he froze in spot. His lips parted ever so slightly and he looked almost dumbstruck. His gaze glided up and down your body as if you were naked or suddenly had turned into a flying car, something completely unexpected. As though just realizing he was being weird, he quickly pulled his hand out of the pocket and fixed his tie (which, by the way, looked expensive and very nice on him), self-consciously smoothing down the jacket after, wide eyes still glued on you. You liked to believe you weren't an arrogant person, but his reaction meant one thing only and was extremely flattering. You wondered if he'd have the courage to compliment you with words.

You didn't know exactly why (either he had forgotten about the order from last week momentarily or perhaps it was a way of complimenting you with actions), but Jeongguk abruptly stepped toward the back of the car and yanked the door open, holding it for you. You raised a surprised brow at him, but moved to get in the car anyway. But not before throwing a glance at Mr. Ri; he had a knowing grin plastered over his face, and he threw a hand in the air as if saying: “I’ll just let have him this one”.

After you climbed into the car, Jeongguk closed the door carefully. You could see his face, and he was blushing hard, probably just realizing at that moment that he was in a daze earlier and wasn't supposed to open the door. You chuckled.

During the trip to the hotel you could see he was nervous. He kept looking around a lot as if checking whether you'd already arrived or not. He was fiddling with the buttons of his jacket and carefully fixing his fringe from time to time.

When you stepped into the hall, he seemed rather tense. You completely understood him. That kind of situation could be overwhelming even for you, who had been to these kinds of events numerous of times. Even if you didn't really care about what all those people thought of you, admittedly, the self-consciousness grew by every passing second of standing there nearby the entrance.

‘Pretend they’re naked,’ you said loud enough for Jeongguk to hear you. ‘It’s a cliché, but it works.’

He gave a short laugh.

How should you introduce him?

You lost that train of thought, when your grandmother rushed toward you in her classic tiny steps. 'My darling! You look fantastic!' She looked you up and down. 'I told you those shoes would go with the dress. This is really good. I think he'll like it very much,' she said, her gaze jumping away as if searching for someone particular in the crowd.

'Who? What are you talking about?'

She completly ignored Jeongguk. He might as well have been a ghost attracted to your energy and yours only.

'I want you to meet someone.' Oh here we go.

'Maybe I don't want to meet him.'

'Oh, you do, don't be silly. You haven't even seen his gorgeous face.'

'And I don't intend to.'

'Quit it,' she muttered. 'He's a wonderful young man, and you'll marry him.'

'Woah, let's not get ahead of ourselves.'

'Let's get ahead. You have to think about your future. And when you meet him, I promise you, you will be the one wanting to propose to him right on the spot. But don't do that, of course,' she added as an afterthought.

'Oh, I don't know. Will I be able to control myself, if he's that great as you're describing.'

She shot you a glare that was supposed to show she wasn't fond of hearing any of your jokes right now. You shrugged as if saying you couldn't help it.

'He's so smart,' she resumed, looking around, gaze sweeping the crowd. 'Right up your league. Oh, I see him. He's alone. Come quick.' She beckoned you with an abrupt gesture, inviting you to follow her.

You breathed a sigh, turning to Jeongguk to offer him an apologetic smile that probably looked more awkward than anything, and then you followed her into the sea of the rich.

'How do you know him anyway?'

'I know everyone here.'

The man was admittedly handsome, suave and, even though there was no way of examining him there, seemed well educated and polite.

'This is Kim Seokjin.'

'Hello there,' he said smoothly, giving you a brilliant smile.

Your grandmother continued the introduction, 'Just a year ago he founded his company, and now it's worth millions! What a bright young man!' Could she at least try being a little more subtle? Gee.

'That's impressive,' you said.

Kim Seokjin, with a fair amount of inhibition, chuckled, momentarily lowering his gaze to the floor.

'____ here is studying law,' your grandmother told him, all proud and excited.

Seokjin looked at you. 'Oh, does she?'

'Anyway, I'm going to say hello to some people. You two feel free to talk more, get to know each other.' You almost expected her to wink at you.

You and Seokjin exchanged a knowing smile as if saying ugh, family.

'Yes, will do,' he said to your grandmother. 'Thank you for introducing us.'

She strode away, giving you the last tiny nod.

What now? These things were always awkward. Was he interested in you? Was he single and into girls, or your grandmother just assumed things as per usual?

'So…' Seokjin drawled while you were subconsciously biting your lip. You remembered you had lipstick on and released the flesh from the grip of your teeth. 'I'm guessing— I mean, I'm usually straightforward type of guy, so just let me ask you this… Did your grandmother introduce us because we’re similar in age and both single?' Well, he definitely wasn't joking about being straightforward. You liked that. But you didn't like him, well, at least not in the way your grandmother wanted you to. Even if he was dazzling and smart and had great taste when it came to fancy suits, you weren't looking for a relationship. Especially not in these events, and not with people that one of your family members introduced you to. You knew, you just knew it would be a hell of a challenge to date someone your grandmother knew, especially a man that she already wanted you to marry. You wouldn't ever be at peace dating him.

You had no idea if Kim Seokjin would be into you, but you had to make sure you wouldn't lead him on. You had to get away somehow from this ridiculous situation.

You glanced behind you while stuttering trying to answer him. You saw Jeongguk not far away from you in the crowd. You locked eyes. He was your solution. You decided on beckoning him over.

'Actually,' you told Kim Seokjin, 'my grandmother doesn't know about this, but…' Jeongguk appeared beside you, and, having mentally prepared to lie, you said, 'This is Jeon Jeongguk. He's my…' Good thing you didn't visibly cringe uttering the next words while gripping affectionately Jeongguk's arm. 'He's my lovely boyfriend.' That should be convincing enough, right? Even when lying to the smartest of guys.

'Oh!' Kim Seokjin didn't seem even the tiniest bit of disappointed.

Jeongguk's eyes held lots questions within them, he looked startled for half a second, but he had to quickly regain his composure, and, when he did regain it, he seemed as gleeful as ever.

'Pleased to meet you,' Jeongguk said to Kim Seokjin in a friendly tone, shaking the guy's hand.

'Um, so as I said my grandparents don't know about this, so I'd appreciate—

'Oh, of course!' Seokjin said. 'I get it. Dealing with family can be… complicated.'

'Yes, exactly. Thank you.'

Your hand was still gently touching Jeongguk's arm, when your gaze slid ever so slightly to the side, behind Kim Seokjin's shoulder. The smile that you were offering him started fading until it was completely wiped from your face. You lost the focus on the conversation you were having, because you saw your dad talking to a woman. Usually it would mean nothing, you wouldn't get distracted by it, but since your mind had been occupied by the speculations of his love life, you couldn't help but watch them intently as they, smiling brightly at each other, conversed about something amusing. By that point you were aware the two men that were standing near you were looking their way too, intrigued.

'Are you  looking at my mom?' You heard Kim Seokjin ask.

You looked at him. 'What? No, it's my dad.'

'Ok, but your dad is the CEO and  that lady talking to him, laughing… that's my mom.'

'Oh.'

She couldn't be his date from Friday night, could she? Because if she was then your grandmother would certainly not want you to marry her son. Well, unless she had no idea about it.

‘I don’t know how to ask you this, but…’ Seokjin said, glancing back at your father and the lady. Your eyes were focused on them too. Seokjin’s mother pecked your father on the cheek affectionately, but nonchalantly enough for other people to perceive it as something inconspicuous. You were 98% sure the lipstick colour on her lips was the same as you saw on your dad’s cheek on Friday night. ‘Do you think they might be dating?’

The question made your heart skip a beat.

‘Has your dad talked about it at all?’ Seokjin asked.

Not knowing how to answer him you just stared at him and tried to come up with something, but failed. You were definitely not telling him that your father lied to you about it as if you were a child.

You felt a hand gently touching your back in a soothing motion. You couldn’t be certain if Jeongguk was pulling an act because of Seokjin, or if the gesture was genuine.

Noticing the mild bewilderment on your face, Seokjin said, ‘I don’t mean to be rude, I just have my suspicions and my mom won’t talk about it with me. It’s just weird… I’m sorry if I offended you or…’

‘No. I—I too have some suspicions of my own.’

Your dad and Seokjin’s mother parted ways. Your dad was about to go on the stage and receive his award and whatnot.

'I think we could use this,' gesturing for one of the waitresses to slow down. He took two champagne glasses from the tray that the waitress was balancing on her palm and held them out for you and Jeongguk. You took it impulsively; Jeongguk hesitated. 'C'mon,' Seokjin encouraged him with a friendly smile and a tilt of head. He thought Jeongguk was your boyfriend, not a bodyguard on duty, and he didn't know Jeongguk couldn't consume any kind of alcohol that night.

Nevertheless, Jeongguk decided on plucking the delicate glass out from Seokjin grip, probably thinking that refusing would be too impolite of a gesture and could kindle some awkward tension between them.

Satisfied, Seokjin took another glass from the tray for himself. 'To family,' he made a rather sarcastic toast.

'To family,' you echoed him, tone laced with blatantly fake joy.

While Seokjin took a sip of the drink and Jeongguk just stood there without even taking the tiniest of sips you chugged the whole glass in one go. The bubbles felt quite unpleasant in your mouth and throat, but getting a bit tipsy seemed a very attractive thing at that moment. The men looked at you with surprised expressions on their youthful faces.

'What? I'm thirsty.'

They both chuckled, then shrugged.

You sighed, staring at the bottom of the glass. 'Why do you think they'd be hiding it?'

Kim Seokjin thought for a moment, took a swig of the champagne. 'Well, you're hiding something from your grandmother, too.' He glanced between you and Jeongguk, indicating he was talking about your (fake) relationship. 'I'm sure you have a good reason for it. Maybe they do, too.'

You bit your lip. 'Perhaps,' you agreed after a moment of mulling it over.

'Anyway, I think the speeches are starting soon, I should go find my seat.'

'Of course. It was nice meeting you.'

'You, too. Both of you.' He grinned and strolled away, his champagne glass still half full.

'You okay?' Jeongguk asked, concern settling over his face.

'Mhm,' you hummed with as much nonchalance as you could muster.

Another waitress was sauntering past you; you placed the empty glass on the tray she was carrying and snatched a full one. Without a second's thought you chugged that one down, too.

‘Woah,' Jeongguk breathed as you frowned, feeling the bubbles pop against your throat. 'Maybe you should slow down?' Jeongguk suggested.

You arched your brow at him. 'You think so?' You switched hands and grabbed the full glass that Jeongguk was holding. You let the champagne trickle down your throat again. You didn't know exactly what had gotten into you, but all you knew was you had to distract yourself from the thoughts of your dad or your grandmother and her plans of making you marry someone she thought was a good match. The alcohol was mildly starting to numb your brain and throat. Your face impulsively crumpled because of the horrible taste in your mouth. 'Yak, this doesn't taste right.'

'Nothing tastes right, when you consume too much of it.'

'Don't be a smartass,' you hissed.

He could barely control the grin that was threatening to break wide open. What was so funny?

He looked around. 'Shouldn't we go find our seats, too?'

You shrugged. 'I guess so.'

Your table was at the very front amongst a couple of other tables placed closest to the stage. The card with your name was meticulously planted on the white pristine tablecloth. Everything there screamed luxury. Honesty seemed to be a luxurious feature, too, not attainable even to you.

'I think my seat is somewhere in the back,' said Jeongguk, throwing a thumb over his shoulder. 'Have a great night. I'm going to—

'Wait.' You touched his elbow to stop him. He waited as you read the other cards sitting on the table. You recognized a couple of them—your grandparents' names—and paused on a third one that was next to yours. 'Have no idea who that is,' you said. Having made sure nobody was watching you, except Jeongguk, you discreetly tossed the card onto another table.

'Wha—what are you doing?' Jeongguk asked, his tone gruff as if he was reprimanding you.

You gripped his forearm and guided him to the table. 'Shut up and take a seat.'

He complied albeit reluctantly. 'This is not my seat.'

'Who says that? Do you see someone else's name anywhere?'

Jeongguk pursed his lips into a thin line, ruminating on your question and the whole situation. He sighed, defeated. 'I guess not.'

'Here you go.'

A man strolled to the table, read the cards. His brows pinched together in confusion. He walked away, in thought. You giggled; Jeongguk forced a smile.

Of course, you realized you were acting kind of… crazy, but you were not about to sit through all those speeches with some stranger and your grandparents by your sides. Jeongguk worked for you, he got paid to hang out with you when there was no danger. His job was easy, the least he could do to show his gratitude was sit with you and offer his emotional support. God, your head was dizzy. Had you eaten dinner or lunch that day? You couldn't recall. The alcohol was really kicking in. Shit… Did you just really throw someone else's name card onto another table? And you forced Jeongguk to sit in that person's seat? What the hell was wrong with you? You were definitely losing it.

'Oh, Jeon Jeongguk you're here, too,' your grandmother said taking a seat behind the table, her voice sounding (fake) sweet.

Jeongguk offered a bashful smile. 'Yes, I am.'

You probably would have blamed yourself for putting him in such an awkward situation had you not been under the influence of alcohol. Even if it wasn't much of it, it still was affecting you.

Your grandfather nodded deferentially Jeongguk's way, pulling a chair from under the table.

The whole "show" was quite boring, if you were being honest. It was always boring. We're proud of our company blah blah blah. We're so grateful to our partners blah blah blah.

You'd rather lift off your seat, levitate through the room above all tables and fly out one of the windows into the horizon; the champagne was making you feel like you could actually do it, as well as not having the high heels on your feet (a good thing about being seated at a table). Perhaps you could fly to the Moon. Surely, banks didn't exist there, no CEOs stressing themselves over work, no ex boyfriends or dads holding secrets. Nothing would bother you there.

'Everything all right?' You heard Jeongguk's soft voice. He was leaning ever so slightly toward your direction as if attempting to enter the little world you'd created yourself in your mind. He seemed concerned.

Why was he always so concerned? You were— 'Just fine.'

The look on his face remained showing you the high level of his worry; there was also some scepticism flickering in his eyes. His gaze slid downward where your fingers were wrapped around a napkin, tightly, very tightly as if it were your enemy's neck. Up until that exact moment you hadn't even realized you were using so much force. Actually, you weren't even aware you had the napkin in your hand in the first place.

Your grip on it loosened. You let go of the napkin and neatly folded it, leaving it be on the table in peace so Jeongguk wouldn't be questioning you anymore.

You put much effort into trying to listen to whatever the important people on the stage had to say, but your mind was swimming in the ocean that had poison of irritation instead of cold water. Shouldn't the champagne have turned it into an elixir of relaxation?

Your father—the CEO—was finally called to the stage. You applauded lazily. You couldn't focus on anything he was saying. Something about hiding things from his daughter? All you were hearing was: I lie. I lie. I lie. You know what I did last Friday? I lied to my daughter. She's a child. A clueless child. Ha! Don't you just love a good ol' lie? Mmm, lies.

Your leg was restlessly jumping up and down, and once again only because of Jeongguk you'd noticed that it was doing it.

Under the table, you felt some pressure on your knee, and your jittery movement halted. A little confused, you looked down, slightly tilting your head, and saw that Jeongguk was the one pressing a finger onto your knee. Your heart did a two-step.

You glanced at him quizzically, for you definitely weren't expecting him to do such a thing. It was a small gesture, yeah, but Jeongguk didn't seem the type to have the courage to do even such a simple thing. Come to think of it, he was risking people seeing it; he was risking you getting mad at him for it. And in a way, that made you appreciate him even more.

He smiled. Your heart melted like hard wax becoming liquid upon the right level of warmth. When he spoke, his voice was quiet, soothing. 'Everything's just fine, remember?'

You did not succeed in trying to subdue the urge to smile back at him.

Though, the rational side of you was telling you that you should immediately smack his hand away, maybe give him such chiding for acting so outrageously. How dare he touch you like that in the hopes he would calm you down by such a silly gesture.

However, the other part of you (fuelled and motivated by alcohol and the feelings you'd started having for him) ordered you to do something entirely different.

(You should chide yourself, not Jeongguk, for what you did next.)

Turning your face back to the stage, you slipped your hand under the table, making sure it looked as casual and inconspicuous as possible. You weren't about to do anything devilish, of course not, but even the little things mattered in a place like this. Your hand landed gently onto Jeongguk's. You dragged it over your knee; he didn't demur, surprisingly so. That only showed he was getting more and more comfortable around you, even if sometimes he'd hesitate or distance himself just a little.

He clasped your knee as if he'd done it a million times before.

In your peripheral you could see him gulp. Clearly, he wasn't unfazed by your action.

You leaned to the side a little, reducing the distance between you and him, to murmur, 'It'll take more than just a finger to calm my nerves.'

Jeongguk almost choked on air. He cleared his throat, carefully shifting in his seat.

It took a little time for your intoxicated mind to realize the ambiguity of your words. You didn't take them back, though. In any case, it was even more thrilling, so you welcomed the distraction.

Were you insane? You most definitely were.

Both hands back on the table, fingers fiddling with the napkin again, you pretended to listen attentively to the speeches. However, you understood nothing at all. You didn't care. You felt Jeongguk's thumb rub your knee back and forth; it was almost imperceptible, but your blood was getting warmer and warmer.

Your grandparents were mere feet away, and that fact only made you even giddier. Needless to say, neither of your legs were jumping up and down anymore. Your blood pressure, on the other hand, undoubtedly was.

The "show" eventually ended, and you congratulated your dad as a well raised daughter should.

You also saw Kim Seokjin's mother do the same, her lips touching your dad's cheek in a quick peck again. For everyone in the event it probably looked inconspicuous and nothing noteworthy, but at that point you were completely convinced they were dating, which wasn't a bad thing in itself, but you shouldn't be wondering and suspecting such things by yourself in the first place. Your father should've told you the truth.

When the congratulating wave had come back to the sea of seemingly sophisticated conversations and champagne tasting, your dad said, 'I want you to meet someone.' Your pulse grew at that. Would he introduce you to Kim Seokjin’s mother? Would he finally come clean, proving you he saw you as an adult?

Nope. Apparently you were the one still needing to prove him you weren't a child. He did not introduce you to Kim Seokjin's mother. Instead he led you to a spot in the room where Seokjin himself (alone) was standing with a glass of champagne. What did this mean?

A smile flickered on the man's face, when he saw you approach.

'This is Kim—

Your dad didn't get to finish the introduction, you interrupted him. 'Seokjin, yes, we already met.'

'Oh?' Your dad's eyebrows twitched upwards. 'You did?'

'Yup,' Seokjin said, grinning. 'I already met them both ___ and her boyfriend.'

Panic flooded in.

‘Boyfriend?’ Your dad questioned, utterly puzzled. You weren't supposed to introduce Jeongguk as your boyfriend. Whoopsie.

‘Oh,’ Seokjin gasped. ‘I’m sorry, I thought—

You didn't want him to feel guilty for your lies. ‘It’s okay,’ you reassured him. 'He knows; he just didn't expect you to know about it.'

‘Oh, whew.’ Seokjin laughed in relief, but his voice still sounded strained.

Your dad tried to appear nonchalant, but you could see he was tense and confused. Probably a bit mad at you for acting this way and spreading such knews amongst these people.

A few awkward moments later you excused yourself and immediately went to find Jeongguk.

‘I need to get some fresh air,’ you told him.

He looked worried again. ‘I know just the spot,’ he said.’

Having studied the hotel's map beforehand, Jeongguk led you out to the hall and down the corridor. He pressed the call button for the elevator. The event was being held on the second floor. The door glided open smoothly as it should in a five star hotel. Inside Jeongguk's finger pressed against one of the buttons, and suddenly, in the silence that followed, you were reminded of the way his finger landed on your knee earlier that night.

He only proved your theory about you being deprived of sincere touches, of genuine contact. He only touched you with one finger and he wasn‘t pushy or needy, he didn‘t need anything more, didn‘t expect something in return. It was only for your own good; Jeongguk was caring for you; he was putting an effort into reminding you that everything was going to be alright. He wanted to calm you down with that soft, warm smile of his.

When the elevator came to a halt on the first floor still saying nothing you both stepped into the lobby. Wordlessly, he led you through the doors in the back of the hotel.

You were still swimming in your own thoughts. He did something selfless for you, and what did you do? You selfishly reached for his hand and placed it upon your knee, seeking not only for comfort but also thrill. There was guilt gnawing in the back of your mind, but there was also a little voice there saying that he could‘ve easily withdrawn his hand if he wanted to. He didn‘t.  He kept it there until the end of the speeches.  And if you weren‘t mistaken his smile seemed genuine when you glanced at him a couple of times. Though there was a thin line between him being sincere and him being an obsequious employee.

There were bushes and plants like thuja, meticulously cut and standing gracefully. Lots of green under the moonlight and some solar lamps placed strategically as to properly exhibit the beauty of nature at night by not overwhelming the charm of the night itself.

There was a path snaking its way amongst rose bushes. The view eventually opened up to a glorious fountain.

‘Beautiful,’ you breathed in awe, intending to leave the problems behind you in the hotel and fully immersing into the allure of the place.

Jeongguk sat on one of the benches placed around the fountain; you followed suit.

‘So,’ you said, ‘you have a plan for any kind of situation that could end up hurting me?’

‘Not any situation, but…’

‘Imagine someone’s head popping up out of the water.’ You gestured toward the fountain.

Jeongguk smiled. ’Well that’s pretty unrealistic, but—

‘Okay, then tell me something realistic.’

‘No one could know for sure you’d go outside tonight. If they have people here, then they have even more people inside. Since I don’t have a gun, I’d have to assert the situation quickly and get you to a safe place, call for backup. If I couldn’t get you to a safe place quickly enough, I’d have to be your shield.’

‘Meaning?’ You asked, intrigued. He couldn’t be talking about—

‘Jumping in front of a bullet.’

‘Damn. You’d really do that?’

‘It’s my job.’

That was hot, if you were being honest.

However, the image of Jeongguk taking a bullet for you was interrupted by your father. Not him physically, but the idea of him. Him and his lies.

Why did he wanted you to meet Seokjin? For the same reason as your grandmother? That would be incredibly weird.

‘Why do people lie to me?’ You asked.

Jeongguk inhaled, exhaled slowly, but came up with nothing.  ‘I don‘t know...’

‘Why did you lie to me?’

He gave you a confused look. ‘I didnt—

‘When I said you were with your friends or whatever you didn‘t deny it.’

A sigh. ‘I didn‘t want to—I wanted to look cool, I guess.’

‘Cool?’ you smiled.  ‘Having friends doesn’t exactly make you cool.’

‘I know, I just... your life is...’ Jeongguk gestured toward the fountain in attempt of trying to show what he meant. ‘And my life is...’ he lowered his head.

‘My life isn‘t only glorious fountains, you know.’

‘Yes, I know,’ he quickly agreed.

‘But I get it.’

‘You do?’ He had hopeful eyes.

You nodded. ‘My life can look glorious at times, but it isn‘t only sunshine and rainbows. You don‘t have to look cool or anything. Just be yourself.’

Jeongguk grinned. ‘Okay.’

You could see the wind whoosh past the plants on the left, then grazing past the bushes on the right, brushing against your skin on the way. It was a cold one. You quivered.

‘Here.’ Having noticed it, Jeongguk took his suit jacket off and gently placed it upon your shoulders. It felt warm.

‘What a gentleman you are, Jeongguk.’

He lifted one shoulder in a tiny shrug, grinning.

You noticed his tie was a little loose, just the tiniest bit. You couldn‘t help but reach over and fix it.

Your fingers worked graciously. ‘A really nice tie. You choose it yourself?’

Jeongguk was smiling. ‘With the help of an employee in the store.’

‘Well, you both have great taste then.’

Being that close to him, you spotted a tiny scar on his cheek that you hadn‘t noticed before. Your hand reached up on its own accord. You touched it lightly.

He watched your hand.

‘How did you get it?’

You watched his lips.

His lips were pink, plump and looked very kissable.

‘I got in a fist fight as a kid.’

‘You fight often?’

He glanced at your lips as well as your gaze moved from his lips to his eyes. ‘No. I actually hate fighting.’

‘But you‘d fight for me?’

One corner of his lips twitched upwards. ‘Absolutely.’

That was when you leaned forward. You halted your movement just when you noticed that Jeongguk started leaning in too. What the hell were you doing? He was your bodyguard.

He stopped as well.

Just millimetres away from his lips you murmured rather seductively (either because of the alcohol or the sheer thrill of the situation), ‘Do you want me to kiss you?’

Jeongguk gulped. ‘Yes,’ he whispered barely audibly.

You smiled. ‘What was that? I couldn‘t hear you.’

He inhaled and closed his eyes as if that would help with his embarrassment. ‘Yes, I do, miss ____.’

There it was again—he called you miss. But this time it seemed so different. The word fell from his lips in a way that made you want to kiss him even more.

You didn‘t stop smiling. ‘You‘re a good boy, Jeongguk.’ You realized didn‘t deserve him.

You pulled away, facing the fountain. ‘Too good.’

‘Wha—what‘s that supposed to mean?’

You exhaled. ‘Nothing you should over think.’

You thought about giving the jacket back to him, but decided against it. Having your father see you with your bodyguard’s jacket on your shoulders seemed a good idea, even if created by the slightly childish side of you.

You stood up, strolled toward the hotel, then turned around to call for your stunned bodyguard. ‘C’mon. It’s time to make our exit.’