#consider this my screaming into the void

[crowskullls]

Some banger chat msgs from Pentar’s lifesteal stream today

[distant-screaming]

I haven't been able to stop thinking about your Phum's favorite color post (despite how much I already rambled in the tags).

I keep thinking about Phum and his photography, and the thought of him taking pictures to have tangible evidence of the things and people in his life (on the off chance he got taken away again).

Phum who didn't have a favorite color and yet took pictures of the world.

Going off your posts (and my tags), I can't stop thinking about the world seeming brighter to Phum after meeting Peem and as a result his photography becoming more colorful. I said before that Peem brought the colors of the rainbow into Phum's life, but I can't stop thinking about how that is reflected through his photography.

Which led to the thought of Phum's photos being filled with the color blue, after Peem guesses it as his favorite color.

If his photography begins to highlight the beauty of the sky, the water, the blueberry tarts Aunt Pui always has at the cafe, the blue forget-me-nots Tan gets Fang, and the blue paint stains on Peem's hands.

I can't stop thinking about if Phum begins to see love in the color blue.

So, this was a very long and rambly (if that's even a real word) way to say that your post is haunting me in the best way possible.

bestie I'm about to start clawing at the walls like a deranged cat <3 you're sooooo right!!! phum and photography as a way to immortalize memories, phum and photography as a way to have agency over what he sees and remembers, phum and photography as a way to heal. phum and photography that isn't quite one particular style - it's always changing, like looking for something phum doesn't quite have yet.

and then peem brings color and life to phum's photographs and he guesses blue and suddenly phum's camera is drawn to anything of that shade and photos that have blue are always just a bit more warm. BLOWS UP AND DIES FOREVER!!!!! also, there's peem - who is a traditional artist, who loves water, who doesn't always see himself because he's too busy helping others. and then he falls in love with phum and - he sees the way phum sees him through the camera and feels awestruck because in every frame the main focus is him. peem sees the blue in the pictures, and the way the blue is always connected to him. he sees how gorgeous he looks in the pictures, framed by water or the sky or phum's blue sheets. and - peem loves the water but he's never really had a particular affinity for the color blue. it's always meant comfort and stability, but not much more. but then phum starts wearing a bracelet that's blue and he stares at peem's painting of the ocean with something like amazement and - peem starts seeing love in the color too.

and it's like. peem brings color to phum's life but phum is the one who brings peem into focus, the one who points out the color peem spreads so easily. and they make me sick to my stomach what if gay people were real and consuming my every thought what then.

anyway I am so honored that my silly little post is haunting you and I'll do it again if it means I get such gorgeous thoughts in my inbox <33!

[peaches2217]

How do y’all make binders work? I see so many people slap one on and bam! Passing. I just go from a D-cup to a C-cup. 😭

But! Some good news! My voice has been going through its first major change here recently; I’ve been explaining away the cracking and scratchiness as a combination of allergies and a holdover from covid.

Today I had lunch at my favorite pizza buffet. There’s a woman there who’s known me since I was a baby because she’s a lifelong member of the cult I escaped. She’s very familiar with me, has known me literally from Day 1… and she said “Oh, baby girl, you sound like you’re feeling SO much better!” I was speaking as low as possible (pitch-wise) to avoid cracking, and it’s very clearly lower than I was capable of speaking pre-T, but this person who’s known me for 27 years and sees me at least once every week and a half or so thinks I sound perfectly fine.

Which means I may be able to pavlov people into thinking my voice has ALWAYS been this deep. 😆

[awesome-cookies-and-cream]

the funny thing about kyuushi is how it drops lore in akajas instead of the main manga but because it’s an episodic gag manga, i guess you can’t help it. but with all the lore i got so far (and what a difficult thing it is. thank you dedicated fans) i think i like how the central theme really is the human-vampire (esp hunter) relationship.

am i really writing meta about the vampire cock and boobs show? of fucking course. though less than meta it’s just me writing my thoughts

but with the recent akaja with northdin, it really occurred to me that the lore’s narrative had always hung on the fact that the 1800′s was a difficult time for everyone and now times are changing. how the vampire-human conflicts probably had so many casualties and how what we’re seeing is the aftermath of the event. a post-war recovery, if you will and it’s been centuries sure but vampires live so long it might as well be just five years ago to them. the vampire lore seems to be a story about how you deal with the after effects of conflict when you live so damn long. in fact, it’s so deep in the dragon clan’s narrative, that their feelings of loneliness, failure, and frustrations all goes back to that time.

Grandpa misses his friend (who is a hunter lmao) and thinks wistfully about how the time has changed and humans and vampires working together is such a lovely sight (as seen when he played tag with everyone in shin-yoko). he misses helsing so much and hopes he was still around to show what humans have done in the present. “Take care of your human friend” he says to Draluc, looking so sad most of the time but trying to connect with humans due to his fondness for them.

Mira doesn’t care much for humans but because of the conflicts and her hopes to make a better world for her son, she ended up not seeing him throughout his childhood and not even knowing him 200 years later. she doesn’t know the man he’s become. she doesn’t know he has a familiar. she doesn’t know he loves his friends and he’s happier with them. she knows he was lonely but simply thought it was her failure that made it so. so she selfishly kidnapped her own son and turned him into a kid again to fulfill her own desires. she was worried and frustrated at the fact that she seemed to have missed her chance to be with him until draluc pointed out that there was still time to get to know each other

Draus sheltered his son and did all he could to keep him safe knowing he was weak. (when northdin mentioned how seeing draluc die was so chilling, he understood why Draus was like that) the human-vampire conflict worsened his anxiety for his son who could not use the dragon blood’s powers due to how weak he was. so he ended up spoiling him, his only son. he even made a ring to ensure the kid’s protection from other clans. he met with the other clan leaders and in his own way and influence, tried to make the world a better place for him. By the time his son sought independence, he still couldn’t help but worry about him.

And then there’s northdin who does not like humans at all. like Draus, he worries for Draluc in his own way even when the kid had no respect for him. (like fucking hell that akaja) he’s anxious about trying to make the kid stronger because the human conflict is getting worse, which was why he took the kid under his wing to begin with. He cared for the kid to the point of running straight to them when he found out an exorcist had found draluc, even begging that he could drive a stake to his heart if he promised to keep the kid safe. and it was this that changed clergy at the time of the human-vampire conflict too! which led to northdin turning him and how he’s lived with the regret when he didn’t wake up to the point that his diary is a mess (again that fucking akaja) and now they met and there’s closure to it.

and then there’s draluc who is caught in between. being young and sheltered to not know enough about the conflict (i mean he sat and had tea with a goddamn exorcist lol) and having experiences that’s indirectly caused by the conflict. his weakness and sheltered life in the middle of the fights had isolated him from others, but also made him lonely. his mother couldn’t see him due to her work. he didn’t have friends and he was treated as a delicate thing. his first friend was John, who he was reluctant to take with him due to the fear of trapping him forever in a life of eternal loneliness with him (even though he was so overjoyed at finally having a friend!) “im not lonely. i have john” but it’s different now that he’s in shin-yoko. everyday has been fun for him.

and now, in the present you can see how these people are trying to heal from the aftermath and how ronaldo and draluc’s relationship is somehow central to it, the proof of the future they had aspired, or the closure they had always wanted. ronaldo and draluc’s easy friendship has touched grandpa, who had always wanted the easy friendship between vampires and humans (edit: i reread the grandpa tag chapter and he had a flashback of his friend through ronaldo?? god fucking dam), how ronaldo and hinaichi looking for draluc when mira took him made her understand that his son is not the kid he used to know, that she didn’t really know him but it’s not too late to. How Ronaldo being there to take care of draluc had reassured Draus that his son would be okay and he won’t be lonely. (northdin is a work in progress lol. but he’s also working on his issues with his guilt for clergy. which draluc was responsible for ahaha) 

and now Draluc is no longer lonely and has someone to be with. someone who is always fun and doesn’t treat him like a delicate flower (for better or worse) but is also reliable enough to save him (ranging between kidnapping to the getting flushed down the drain lol) and they’re trying to love happy now. a lot of vampires are. so i think it’s nice. i have no idea what im saying.

[rocketbirdie]

.

[tardis--dreams]

We get a new colleague in December and i looked him up and he's so heavily und unconcealed right winged i feel nauseous. I mean he's Extremely right-winged. Climate change denier, corona denier, racist, anti gender equality, anti queer, everything. And i didn't try to dig up dirt or anything. It's literally the first thing you find if you just google his name

[transsexualhamlet]

the shadowcast took photos and im honestly insane about these

i LOVE being the center of attention everyone look at me NOW and my CUNTY BOOTS

[emahriel]

am i the only awkward and overthinking mess who never interacts w/ other moots or like add them in other spaces bc I'm like "i know we're mutuals, but idk if we're mutuals mutuals y'know... like mutual enough" and then just assume y'all still see me as a total stranger

[trees-can-draw]

Thinking about doing commissions hmm.. would anyone even be interested??

I also have no idea how they work so hdhxbs I am. Very unsure if I should. I kinda wanna do it though.. hhh

[herbert-best]

…a labyrinthine series of lines, criss-crossing each other in all sort of ways. These covered the paper so thickly that only with difficulty could one make out the white spaces in between. "Read it," said the Officer. [...] Then the Officer began to spell out the inscription and then read out once again the joined up letters. "Be just!' it states," he said. "Now you can read it." […] "'Be just!' it says," the Officer remarked once again.

In The Penal Colony, Franz Kafka; transl. Ian Johnston [x]

pawn / tool /puppet / cog BE JUST another gear / in the / Harrowing machine

This was originally intended to be (bc I am very normal about all the very normal things I like) a piece of Kafka-referential fanart of Amanda Young, from Saw, with my rendition of the Officer’s design from the execution machine carved into her corpse… didn’t go that far with it, obviously, because I can’t draw for shit. If you’ve never gotten a chance to read it or not read it in a long time, this is your call to arms to read In The Penal Colony. It’s VERY short, albeit somewhat disturbing— the pdf I linked to with the quote is the whole thing, which is 19 pages long as formatted there— but it’s one of those things that lives in your brain afterwards.

It centers around a large, incredibly elaborate and complex machine used for tortuous executions, and the legacy of the now-dead man who designed, built, and used it. I’ve sort of always been fascinated by the idea of trying to create the illegibly elaborate designs it’s described as using— this one contains more than the central, aforementioned words, of course— highlighted under the cut.

[distant-screaming]

No so I had a thought okay like. Win is so much more aware of his feelings in this universe he realizes it pretty much instantly, and that's interesting because canon Win is so HESITANT about it - he asks Sound to be sure before anything, he confesses by writing on Sound's shirt instead of telling him. So like. Something something low self esteem and the fear of being rejected and the fear of himself that Win has that somehow doesn't translate over to a universe where he's famous? Yeah.

[windwardstar]

Fandom really really really needs to get with the program that trans mascs exist as like both a concept in the first place and the as like real people who actually exist

How the fuck. Do people. Think. Trans men don't count as mpreg?!? It's the one scenario that is actually not only possible in real life but happens regularly!

And. If. Your first??? Explanation for why a guy could have a vagina is that it's omegaverse? Or magic? Or that in an au of Mulan where a girl dresses up as a guy... but the canon character is a guy... you jump to omegaverse rather than Trans guy. That is literally the easiest explanation here.

Like. Please. I.m begging you. Realize trans mascs exist.

Also while I'm at it. Where are the trans people in omegaverse stories????? Like this is supposedly a genre for deconstructing gender and playing with it but it really just seems like a way to dive headfirst into biologic essentialism and completely ignore that trans people exist? (Because trans tags and omegaverse tags seem to have like no overlap.) (Although the intersex tag sees plenty of use with omegaverse but I'm guessing that is a fetishistic hot mess given the other rampant problems I've noticed and general awareness that intersex topics aren't handled well by society in general)

Like. Idk. I just. The fact trans men and mascs are just like apparently lower on the thoughts that occur to writers for why a "girl" would be dressed as a guy, why a guy could be pregnant or have a vagina than magic or gender essentialism: the au. Is just.

[zevrans-remade]

yeah.... so i finally got to the start of act 3 and saw the reveal of the guardian/dream visitor's real self and i-

[tardis--dreams]

My Beyond Evil dvd arrived!! Actual tears here

[elvenbeard]

spent all morning apartment hunting, writing e-mails, phoning a potential landlady... *melts into a puddle*

send some good vibes my way to find something/ someone willing to rent to me despite me A) not being rich and B) trying to move across the country and not able to show up in person spontaneously and on a whim.

[void-writing]

Thinking about Mummies Alive again and that if the show was more true to ancient Egyptian mythology then Scarab would have run afoul pretty much the entire pantheon by killing Rapses.

Like...so many of the gods were devoted to protecting the Pharaoh, and cosmic balance was also a big thing in their cosmology. So I feel that Scarab’s whole “oh I’m going to murder the son of the man with the largest and most blatant amount of divine favor--who would have inherited that same favor--and use his soul to cheat death” scheme would have spat in the face of what the pantheon stood for.

Also, for a guy who’s utterly terrified of dying, I find it hilarious that he regularly allowed Ammut, the Devourer of Evil Souls, to just chill in his house on the regular. Honestly, any underworld deity would probably want a piece of Scarab, especially any that were particularly concerned with tombs and the desecration of the dead.

You know that Anubis once flayed Set and wore his skin as punishment for trying to desecrate Osiris’s body further, right? And Bes was a guardian of children? Scarab’s ass would have been grass.