#the way just never got his memories back making all of his former relationships messy and his new ones tainted with him

[positively-patroclus]

rereading the lost hero for the first time in like five years and jason is just a silly little guy

[mekha-draws]

🥭🍌🍏 !

--terra-tortoise

🥭Show off a dragon who's doomed by the narrative and talk about them!

everyone here is haunted by the narrative where do i even begin lmao(?

actually thinking of it, Morus might be a better example here. He was born with a silver spoon, anything he could ever imagine or desire was within his reach and under his whims. A spoiled child that wore his parents' patience thin more often than not to the point that they took harsh measures to limit his excess and give him proper eduation and values to not take everything for granted. Being young at the time he just handwaved their lectures.

Once reaching adulthood he came to meet Rubra, a coatl of lower class, humble but also one to keep real to him and not shy to confront him and his attitude which made something in his demeanor change gradually coming to appreciate her being in many ways. Their friendship (and love) was denied by his parents and while they are conscious that they might have gone overboard in their actions they knew it was for the best to rid of the rotting issues before Morus did something really reprochable.

Morus never knew who was the perpetrator, where she was disposed of or the reasons if any; but the quick dismissal of his superiors made him take actions to answer those questions on his own, setting on a journey he came to learn of her fate and of those that came to guard her last resting place, a place he is not allowed to enter as they don't deem him worthy of his apologies and presence no matter how much wealth and threats he throws to earn their... whatever he needs to get to her.

He is haunted by her memory and everything both enjoyed together. And so he currently struggles to figure what to do to get it all back, to get the only one he really cares for, back.

🍌Show off your favorite couple/throuple/etc and share some information on how they first met, fell in love, etc!

ok im gonna go banana here sorry in advance (also gonna keep it super vague on some details because this is something im figuring to adapt so it makes better sense later hehe)

I did mention their relationship is a bit of a conflict and yeah, thats very much it at first lol. Their lore in general is based on another concept/worldbuilding thing im just re-adapting from. For the moment just know that chimeras, manticores, jailers and hermits are titles for sacred/revered beings, with the former two being always at conflict with each other to the point of being considered natural enemies.

Sen is a trained hunter, at first that was not her role but ones beyond her clan knew the potential for a greater chimera to be made from her and so she was enlisted and trained properly to fit that (and had some greater education on the side as well, ordered by her own clan who didnt want her to become some mindless fool nor weapon if they could avoid that).

Joule on the other hand was the runt of the litter on a continuous effort to create [the] manticore. Althought his chances for survival were slim he was kept safe by his sibling(s) to spare him the rejection of the rest of the clan. Eventually he would become the true manticore their clan was aiming to create but that came with a cost and his own escape.

Their first meeting was a messy one, not one of Sen's best days on the prowl and just another disastrous one for Joule. At this point in time Sen spends her days chasing and exterminating beasts and pests to earn her living beyond the watching eyes of the masters she resents; she got notice of the bounty on some "disruptor beast" and while she would usually reject any quest involving other dragonkind or anything ambiguous in nature she took it on insistence of a friend.

Once the identity of the disruptor beast was cleared as Joule, she was about to spare him without much fanfare but her instinct took in after understanding the true creature before her, getting each other into a fight -one where Joule was the less experienced one- as he tried to avoid as much as he could, all coming to an end as he managed to incapacitate the other by a lucky hit forcing Sen to break away.

Future encounters would follow the same pattern, sometimes conflict being initiated by Joule himself as he gained more confidence but most of them ending in bitter stalemates until both became too tired of the routine and eventually learned to bear each other long enough to keep a truce and figure what the hell they were falling into.

Their relationship starts with a slow mutual understanding of their shitty situation(s) and how they might be able to help each other and become better than what they were meant to be. Feelings come and go but neither have the experience or knowledge to call it love (yet) they will be it's just gonna take a while~

🍏Show off a dragon family and talk about them! Do you have siblings, parents & kids, etc? (If you don't have any families in your lore, choose one of the other prompts instead!)

There is more found families here actually(?, I have a couple WIPs but they are so early in what I wanna do with them that I dont feel confident saying anything for them yet ;-;

Instead I'll share another pathetic boyo because that's fun <3

and of course, it's a tundra! Sarqi only has two modes: epic traveller with a knack for grandiose storytelling involving his many discoveries across the land and sad cursed motherfucker that is just one bad day away of getting murder-killed by vengeful spirits coming for the many trinkets he has pilfered without knowledge.

And really, one would think he is getting his ass cursed on purpose to set some sort of record but he does not seem to connect the dots between his misfortune and the ominously lighted piece of scrap he just picked up outside some abandoned shack in the middle of the road.

"That's just superstisions! why would this random broken badge be haunted it's just kinda ugly and rusted and I doubt there is much value on it to even be worthy of causing despair over it" *said badge belonged to an old era sorcerer and it was a gift from their wife, the ghost is kinda mad that he stole it from his unmarked grave*

(oh also! he was born my country's equivalent of april fools which is just a bit funny to me in particular)

[cienfleurx]

𝐖𝐄'𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐁𝐄 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒, 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓? ᵇᵒⁿᵗᵉⁿ ᵛᵉʳ

✑ CHARACTERS: sano manjiro. sanzu haruchiyo. ran haitani. 

✑ HEADCANON: them when the fake relationship between the both of you ended.

✑ GENRE: angst. senior au.

✑ WARNING: explicit language. hurt / no comfort. salty y/n. not proofread. kinda messy dialogues and descriptions.

✑ SYNOPSIS: ran haitani thought that maybe he just missed your chaotic self in his life, but it felt too far-fetched, especially when he can feel his heart ripping apart at the sight of you calling for his younger brother’s name instead of him.

RAN HAITANI

How does one forget a man like Ran Haitani? From his mauve locks, tall strature, whimsical demeanor, and mischievious purple irises; how does one erase their memory from someone like him? Because if there is an answer - anyone, someone - then you beg them to provide it to you as you have been desperate in attempting to get him off your mind for a long time.

“This fucking gold rush,” you blew a huff, your bangs flying out their way from your sticky forehead due to the scorching afternoon heat. “God, I should have never said that - hell, I should have never agreed myself from his proposition in the first place. And now I'm the one who suffers while he's out there getting Kanae back and probably fucking her on the abandoned building right now," you ramble, frustration building up inside you knowing all too well how that old college premise works for those seniors.

“Goddamn, chill woman.” Rindou chuckled, tossing the strawberry milk on your way. “He’s not fucking her. He’s taking her out on a date.”

“Like that fucking help?” you hissed, wanting to wipe off the shit-eating grin on his face. “Bitch.”

It’s been months, probably around six months, ever since Ran ended your faux relationship with him. And just like any other girls who are head over heels for him, you cannot seem to grasp the truth and forget about his existence. Especially now that you got to experienced beforehand how it feels to be with him, it only made the process of moving on to be difficult on your part. From how he treats you like a real woman, how he kisses your lips so natural, and how he simply brags you to the other students oftentimes; you recalled everything he has done to the bones with butterflies stirring in your tummy. 

He was just such an ideal man despite the fact that others have referred to him as a fuckboy.

Ran Haitani is a gentleman on his own despite his history of flirting with a lot of woman; that is what you have noticed of him throughout the years of crushing on his existence since freshman. I mean, you can't really blame him, can you?. With that beauty of his, he can get any woman he wants. He’s making them desire for him more, and you are not really an exception from that given that you still cannot erase his image out of your mind.

Despite the fact that he has now reclaimed his former girlfriend back. His very own real girlfriend; the one he likes, Ran Haitani still lives on your mind rent-free. Every now and then, you would think of him and his current girl - what they do, how he treats her, and how you wished you were in her shoes. 

It was infuriating to say the least, especially now when you spot the woman you detest from the corner of your eyes clinging to the arms of the older mauve-haired that you liked so much.

“Oh, [Name] and Rindou?”

You almost sneered in annoyance when she approached your way.

Kanae, the cheerio captain, herself. Hot, cool, smart, and talented as fuck. God, the more you think about her, the more you realize how much you suck. You fucking lack in the golden aspects of what Ran wanted. Mayhaps, that was the reason why he still did not come to like you at the end even though you were given a chance to pursue him during your artificial relationship. 

“I see, both of you are having a date as well?” That���s cute!” your cherry lips fought tooth and nail to keep from scoffing. Regardless of how dismissive you are of her attitude, it seemed like she still manages to have that affect on you that makes you want to bitch on her or something. Good thing, Rindou was there to keep you on leash as he slipped his calloused hands on your sweaty palms, which were itching to shove the woman out of the way.

It may seemed like a subtle move from anyone’s eyes, but it did not escape Ran’s vision. His purple orbs bore straight into how his younger brother's palms embraced your small ones, almost as if he was squeezing them for comfort. Something about the sight bothered his innards, feeling his stomach tighten for some reason as he shift his body from uneasiness.

“Ran?”

The mauve-haired snapped out of his trance, eyes unconsciously locking with yours as his mind buffered a bit.

“You listening?”

“Sorry, babe. What was it again?”

Kanae simply rolled her eyes, pouting. “I said, your younger brother seemed to like [Name], and I wanna help him so I’m kinda like suggesting if we can have a double date with them, you good with that right?”

Rindou? Liking [Name]? Ran scowled inwardly, wondering where did Kanae even got that idea. You see, the thing between Rindou and [Name] is nothing out of romantic. They were friends of the same class; pure platonic, and all of this wouldn’t even happen if he hadn’t introduced the younger Haitani to you.

And besides, his brother is not interested in any girl of his batch right now, let alone relationships. 

Ran was about to decline the offer and say it isn’t like that between the two youngers when someone had already interrupt him into it. 

“Good idea,” Rindou blurted out of the blue, catching two individuals on the scene off guard. “Not a double date, though. We’ll be going on our own.” Ran had his lilac orbs widen as he focused them on his younger brother, while you, who were already disturbed by the presence of a certain someone, suddenly stiffened from your place, your heart hammering on your chest from what you'd just heard.

Rindou was never one to voiced out his feelings. So naturally, it had you startled. However, it seemed that this was not the case when the comparable butterflies that you were feeling for Ran began resurfacing themselves in your tummy.

“. . . Rin?”

“What? It’s not like you two are still together, right?” Rindou shrugged, his other arm casually wrapping around your shoulder.

Honestly, if it were one of those times when Rindou teases you just to get a reaction out of you, you'd probably brush him off and shut his existence off with a pinch of his skin on his stomach. After all, you never know if this person is intentionally messing with you or is just trying to upset Ran, who had his brows wrinkled in confusion; feeling slightly annoyed at whatever words were spewing from the younger Haitani's lips.

“Don’t speak as if you like her, Rin.” Ran’s tone became authoritative. “I know you only think about her as a friend. Stop whatever prank you are pulling.”

“He’s right. Quit that shit off -” before you could even finish you sentence, Rindou had already clamped his palm across your mouth to stop it from running off. He shot you a look, and you saw a trace of softness whirling inside them; something that made the irritation inside you fade into obscurity at one point.

“I don’t know about you, brother, but I am serious. Feelings can change at the span of six months.” Rindou said, and each syllable that slipped past his lips made Ran feel something in his chest, particularly his heart. It felt like someone was clenching it out of nowhere and stabbing him with shards of what seemed to be your broken heart that he had caused when he advised you to stay away from him for the time being as he didn't want Kanae to suspect the both of them once the goal of your fake relationship with him was successful - once Kanae and him get back together. 

“And, it’s not really that hard to like her. It just happened naturally while I was replacing you as her friend.”

The next following days became a blur for Ran Haitani.

At that time, Ran genuinely thought Rindou was fooling around to annoy him, however, it seemed to only appear as reassurance to himself when his once playful lilac orbs caught sight of your figure waiting down by the bleachers, looking all dolled up like the usual amidst the boisterous crowded seats. Only this time, your presence wasn't meant for him, but rather for his younger brother, who seemed to be scoring a lot of three-pointers lately while flashing grins on your way.

You thought that it was better this way. Ran was happy with his relationship with Kanae, and Rindou seemed to like you enough to bother you on a daily basis of having dates with him. You thought that this is how things should have been from the beginning. You began to be satisifed. It felt as if you were gradually removing Ran from your world. And, as strange as it may sound, it seems like his younger brother was the one who had the answer all along about how to forget him for good.

Ran will be forgotten, and you will move on. Yes, that’s how it should have been. 

However, unbeknownst to your oblivious self shouting Rindou’s name among the crowds, Ran Haitani had his amethyst orbs fix on your figure with a glint of yearning and desire that he wished it was his name that you were chanting at the loud stadium instead of his younger brother. Just like the old times, just like when they were together before. Crazy, it is. Ran had this thought that maybe he just missed you with him. That maybe he is just missing your chaotic self in his life. But it felt too far-fetched, especially when he can feel his heart ripping apart into shreds at the thought that maybe his feelings for you was something more; that maybe you are not just a friend. That maybe Rindou was right.

You were not that hard to like, as he indeed felt his heart skipping a beat in those times when he pretended a relationship with you. He was just blind. Blinded by his own ego of chasing a woman he thought he loved until he completely lost sight of who was more important to him.

FINISHED: sano manjiro. sanzu haruchiyo. ran haitani. 

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Currently watching - November

Because I love a good little list 😊

Regularly updated during the month - colored = finished

This may contain spoilers!

Choco Milk Shake (8/11)

🥰🥰🥰🥰 This is so good! I love it! I enjoyed every little second of this beautiful piece of media. It is the story about Choco and Milk, a cat and a dog becoming human and live with their former owner. Why? For now, all we know is, to make him happy. The acting is really good! I can see the dog and the cat in them 😅 So far perfect casting! I am a little bit anxious that it doesn’t end with an all fluff happy ending…

Happy Ending Outside The Fence (Happy Ending Romance) (2/8)

It has an interesting start. It is quite confusing in the beginning because of all the time jumps, but I guess I just have to pay more attention. It looks as a love triangle, but I can't see the pairing mentioned in the synopsys, at all 😅 Well, surprise me, but I can't see the inexplicable feelings or desire for each other, but hey, we are tow episodes in. And I kind of like this! Not to know who will be endgame is quite refreshing :)

Eien no Kino (6/8)

I really like the aesthetics of the show. The way scenes were shot and the coloring. Really pretty! The story is about two friends and one of them is becoming a zombie. I guess the next episodes will rip my heart out and leave me unsettled and with a lot of emotional damage...

War of Y (10/20)

I finally watched the next chapter...And yeah, I think I can't watch the stories week for week. I need to wait until one chapter is closed and binge the five episodes. This is one of the few bls I watch with a lot of tension in my body and no smile on my lips...I need to calm a bit before I can dive into the next drama...

Between Us (2/12)

Hm...I don't know yet. I like WinTeam, but I guess I am not that hyped because I didn't like Until we meet again that much. I am curious where the story is taking us.

My Tooth Your Love (7/12)

I guess this could be called a nightmare for people with a dental phobia. But it looks so messy and lovable and I am totally in for it! I enjoyed the acting and the sister is so bossy, but in a good way 😀 Never thought I would like a series about a dentist this much! But I do! With more episodes in the story becomes more deeper and better. There are traumas that the story has to deal with and so far it does a good job. Even though it might look like a fluff show, under the surface it is not and I appreciate that.

Till the World ends (4/10)

It is something else. Brutal and kind of gory and a little bis explicit. Not your usual bl. I like it, no wonder 😅 The end of the world is coming and Art and Golf try to survive the last days on this chaotic planet. The one to gain his memory back and the other to see his brother again (I guess). Everything garnished with lies and guns and a little bit of romance.

Ai Long Nhai (8/12)

Ai likes Nhai. Nhai likes Ai. To test if their relationship could have a future they decide to test-date for a month and show all their habits, good and bad, in front of each other. That is what I got from the subtitles 😂 They are a mess 😅 So funny and yet so frustrating, because sometimes you just don’t get what they are saying at all 😂 But the story is sweet, not that deep, but sweet.

To Sir, with love (2/17)

The first episodes are on youtube with english subs! First episode told us about their and their family’s history. I really can't stand the secondary wife and her maid. Hateful bitches! But I like Bua. She would have been a great mother and in a way she is more of a mother to the children than their mums. I guess I have to wait for more episodes to watch further…I have the feeling this won’t end well and I can’t deal with this right now…

Remember Me (7/12)

Okay what happend? I am emotional invested in this story! Why did it become so good within two episodes? I love the domesticity and the wholesomeness of the third episode so much! It touched me and moved me and now I am looking forward to the next episode! And the next episode was good too. I love Em and Name! Don’t hurt them, especially Name!

2 Moons: The Ambassador (5/12)

This might be the first series I will drop. And I watched Check Out...But the subtitles are a mess, the acting is cringy and the story is boring...okay, I am on ep 2, so perhaps there is some good plot coming, but right now I can't see it.

I will knock you (1/12)

So Thi steps on the Lotus of Noey which is symbolic for his heart and now Noey wants his heart back so he can give it to the girl he has a crush on and Thi can't find it and gives him in exchange a charm for fortune, but in reality it is for love and soulmates...And Noey happens to be the leader of a gang which members wear khaki-shorts or way too colorful dresses for a street gang...the cringe radar is very strong witht his one, but it is hilarious!

Finished in November

Series

The Untamed (50/50 on Viki) - the highest possible level of recommendation

I saw all the praises and high ratings and I always thought how could such a drama be so good? So I watched it and what can I say? I love it! I couldn't stop watching it! The story is so well written. The eye for detail is just chef's kiss. I never thought I would like such kind of drama. But here I am, rooting for Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi to just smile at each other. Even though it is a censored Chinese adaption I enjoy their dynamic so much! And the rest of the cast is so precious too. I can’t stop smiling while watching, which is always a good sign. Yes, I am totally in love with this one! 10 out of 10 pure perfection

Ghost Host, Ghost House (8/8 on Gaga) - absolutely recommended

At first you thought, well what a fun story about a ghost hunter and his dead family (and of course the potential love interest), but with every new episode a new layer was about to be discovered. This is not only a fun story, but a story about forgiveness, love, grief, regret and living the best you can while you are still alive. And not gonna lie, the mains are one of the touchiest boyfriends with the softest kisses I have seen in a while. It just feels good to see them together. 9 out of 10 short short shorts

Roommates of Poongduck 304 (8/8 on Viki) - totally recommended

This one I like...Perhaps it is the enemies working and forced living together thing for me. I enjoy those storylines way too much! Overall it's funny and I enjoy their dynamic and acting so much more than in Kissable Lips. 8,5 out of 10 beers

Kabe-Koji-Nekoyashiki-kun Desires to be Recognized (7/8 on Viki) - recommended without a doubt

It is so well shot and edited. I was just blown away by the art. It is the story of two people who meet again after years, one an bl-manga artist and the other an upcoming idol. Both are dealing with some difficulties in their lifes and it is just an emotional ride to see them both connect and disconnect. The acting was really good! My secret hero was definitely Yamada! She is a good best friend, a real gem! 8,5 out of 10 big men-boobs

My only 12 % (14/14 on Youtube) - absolutely recommended

We had a rough start, but it grew on me a lot with more episodes in. The story managed to become really interesting, and the mains open up and being vulnerable in front of each other is just beautiful to witness. It is a truely beautiful love story. 8,5 out of 10 Cakes

Self (6/6 on Youtube) - recommended

The story about Tang who, one day, can't see his reflection in the mirror anymore and instead whitnesses different scenes from another person, Neo. He then tries to find and help Neo. The story is intense and even though there are only six episodes, different aspects are dealt with in a quite good way. I liked this one. 7 out of 10 missing reflections

Inseparable (2/2 on Youtube) - recommended

This short Pinoy bl shows the lifes of Mico and Henry, who live in the rural area of the Philippines. Mico needs another job to help his family financially and for that he plans to go to the city and leave Henry behind, but there are things that need to be said and cleared before he can leave. It is short and won't cost you too much time, so give it a try. 6,5 out of 10 weird camera angles

Big Dragon (8/8 on Gaga and Viki) - recommended? Well, why not...

Oh this was a mess 😅 A lovely one with enemies to lovers and two bodyguards who aren’t really good bodyguards, but they are adorable and steal the sympathy. I am all here for these two. The main couple? Well it is complicated and they are both so freaking toxic…they deserve each other and I don’t mean it in any rude way. They are just perfect for each other and kind of soft when they want to…But I can't give it a higher ranking, because it is lacking plot and they promised us some leather but never really came back to it. 6 out of 10 curtains never lifted...

Fish upon the sky (12/12 on Youtube) - recommended with reservations

The story is about Pi who is in love with Nan, who doesn't like him back. But as it looks his friend Mork likes Pi very much and he tries to court him for the rest of this series until Pi finally accepts that he likes him too. I don't like Pi, he is ungrateful and demanding. I know he has issues and I understand where they are coming from, but a low self-esteem doesn't justify a shitty character. I can't really see why Mork is so smitten by Pi. Besides the unlikable main is is quite a cute story with forced drama. 5,5 out of 10 forced dramatic plotholes

Love in the air (13/13 on Youtube) - not recommended

Listen, I watched it, I enjoyed the looks of the cast, because they are gorgeous as fuck, but the story is too messed up for me. There are too many red flags and too much romanticised shit going on. I can't recommend it as I will never recommend TharnType...If you like or love it, I am happy for you :) Tastes are different! 5,5 out of 10 red flags

Fahlanruk (12/12 on Gaga) - recommended? Save your time!

This series is a mess! The dialogues are crap, the acting is sometimes really not that good, the chemistry…I don’t know. There is no plot...just scenes added together. The message of this series is coming in like a soggy sock. The only good part of this series are the side couples! Prince and Gear are just sweet and Ping and Tap b´deserve happiness! I couldn't care less about Fah and Sher. 3,5 out of 10 rabbit fucks

Short films

Being Me (on Gaga) - highly recommended

Such a cute short film. It manages to tell a well written story about childhood friends who realise that they are way more for each other. Hints of homophobia are there, but it doesn't stand in the way of their love at a first glance. 9 out of 10 air guitar sessions in the bathtub

Buddy Park (on Gaga) - can't recommend

I just didn't like it that much. The story is about Jinho who never had sex in his 29 years of living even though he is trying really hard to get laid. In the end he is sleeping with his best friend, but it is not a friends to lovers story...and I couldn't get into the humor of this short film. 6 out of 10 lies

Movies

Cherry Magic: The Movie - highly recommended

It is the continuation of the highly praised drama 30-sai made Dotei Da to Mahotsukai ni Nareru rashii. We see more of Adachi's and Kurosawa's every day life and their forever after. It is wholesome and cute with a little bit angst. There are some really great scenes, but I kind of miss some intimacy like hand holding or cuddling. 8 out of 10 ring exchanges

What I’m looking forward to in November:

Between Us (Nov 6)

I Will Knock You (Nov 18)

609 Bedtime Story (Nov 26)

Happy Ending Outside the Fence (Nov 24)

He who is without sin (Nov 23)

Made on rooftop (Nov 30)

Mr. Cinderella (Nov 30)

Young Hoon (some time in november)

My School President (some time in November)

[songbirdstyles]

bang a gong.

summary: you’re tired of being a virgin, and when you meet harry at a bar, he’s more than happy to help you out.

warnings: literally all porn, very little plot. fingering, m+f receiving oral, dom!harry

word count: 11.1k

listen to while reading: bang a gong (get it on) by t. rex

You should say - for the record, or perhaps to maintain your dignity - that this is never the type of place you’d generally be caught in.

If you hadn’t been dragged from your faux pretense of nonchalance after you got dumped, you never would have come. It wasn’t like it was a serious relationship - barely two months - but it was your first since graduating college and perhaps you thought, maybe, you were in with this guy for the long haul, but he didn’t agree. You suppose it was a silly thought (your friends had told you not to expect too much from a former frat boy, anyway.) And it did prove to be, anyway, dissipating the second you woke up to a text saying he didn’t reckon things were working out, and could he please have his hoodie back?

Whatever. You hadn’t been too sad but your friends insisted you needed to let go of him and that is exactly why you’re here, pressed into a booth at a high end nightclub you can’t afford, your friends and the randoms they’d pulled from the dance floor packed so tight that you can feel your thighs sticking to the leather seats and to each other. You hadn’t intended on drinking anything because the prices of the drinks would absolutely kill your bank account, but that, according to your friends, is exactly why you’re here - meet rich guys who frequent here, to have drinks bought for you with false promises of a night of fun, before leaving them high and dry while you are thoroughly drunk.

A good concept, in theory, and it was enough to tug you off of the couch and dig through your closet to find a suitable dress to wear. Perhaps you’d support it more, though, if you had any experience in seducing guys at all - the entire night, you’d merely been grabbing the extra shots your friends had gotten from the guys they’d located.

“Aren’t you having fun?” your friend asks, and you turn to look at her from where she sits next to you. The music is thumping some song you can’t recognize and it rings in your ears as you raise your eyebrows at her. Speak louder, your eyebrows say, and Natalie leans closer so her lips are nearly brushing your ear. “I said, are you having fun?”

Are you? Well, you’re not sure. Even if you’d done nothing to earn the two shots you’d downed, they did taste better than the cheap bars you and your friends frequented on weekends. And it was entertaining, watching guys nearly twice your age seriously believe they’d end up between the sheets with your friends later. So you shrug, bringing your hand to fan at your neck, trying desperately to alleviate the heat burning at your skin. “It’s alright.”

It’s good enough for Natalie and she turns back to Valerie, whose legs are swung over the lap of some 50 year old who had got you all your second round of shots. His hand is pressed to her waist, fingertips digging into her skin through her dress, and it makes your stomach churn to see, so you drop your eyes to the table, where you’ve been picking at your screen protector for the past 15 minutes.

It’s times like this you wish you were a lightweight but you barely feel tipsy, and you’d like nothing more than to rip away your inhibitions and go out and dance against some guy who you’ll never see again, but you find it too awkward to do while practically sober. You bring your eyes up to scan at the dance floor - God, there’s so many girls with the same ideas you had, presumably. The demographic of this club is rich old men and broke, early-20s girls and you don’t know how much you really like to be one of them.

Though you can’t deny that the drinks are good.

“Stop thinking so much!” you glance back at Natalie with your brows furrowed. You hate the way she can practically feel what you’re thinking because you’d have been more than happy to tug at your screen protector until it peeled off of your entirely-too-vulnerable phone but she’d never allow it. Never let you sit here, in this booth, while everyone else is having a good time. Sometimes you appreciate it and sometimes you don’t and you aren’t quite sure of how you’re feeling about it now. “You know what I think?”

You can’t fucking hear her and you lean your head in more, awating her response as your narrowed eyes look around the crowd on the dance floor again. No one catches your eye but nobody catches your eye here, either, and you reckon you’d have better luck roaming the streets of LA to find someone worth your time.

“I think you should go get laid,” Natalie tells you, and you exhale, a humorless smile turning your lips up. “I’m serious! There has to be some hot, rich guy here. What, did that guy fuck you so good you never want anyone else again?”

The thought of being pinned under any guy that your eyes are glazing over could make you gag, but you reckon she may be right. Unbeknownst to your friends, you’d never fucked anyone and you hadn’t necessarily felt the need - you’d done just about everything else under the sun, and not a single guy you’d given a blowie to, or who’d fingered you, had ever been able to find the spot that made you squirm more than anything. So you’d never quite understood why having someone’s dick inside of you was such a big deal but you can’t deny, now, that getting it out of the way does sound quite nice, solely to boost your self esteem after getting dumped by a graduated frat boy named Logan.

There wasn’t much of a bigger blow to your ego than that.

You tug your gloss-coated bottom lip in between your teeth, dropping your eyes back down to Natalie’s, and she widens her eyes at you in a way that further encourages you to get the whole virginity thing out of the way. It’s not like it matters, anyway. “Maybe,” you tell her, entirely too quiet compared to the music pulsing through the club, and she smiles, leaning back in the booth. You’re not sure if she heard you because you can’t hear whatever she says next, but it doesn’t matter - you’re already pushing your way out of the booth, calling excuse me to where Alexa is leaning close to the man she’d found (and he’s, by far, the most attractive of any of the three guys your friends had located, but Alexa has always been the best at finding the hottest guys, and you’re nearly positive she actually will end up fucking him tonight.) She leans forward so you can climb behind her, awkwardly in your heels, and you tug at one of her curls as you clamber out of the booth.

Working your way through a crowd of people to the bar is a skill you’ve all but mastered and at a club like this, it’s a lot easier than you’d expected. There’s less people dancing than you’d thought though you shouldn’t be shocked - it certainly isn’t like the usual clubs you go to. And so, you push your way through the people dancing to the bar, and there’s a few people spread out on the barstools. You scan the back of them - you can’t see any of their faces, naturally, so you merely judge from their hair, and you take a few steps forward and settle yourself onto a stool besides a man with messy brown curls, a pint of beer in front of him.

When you peek at his side profile he certainly looks younger than you’d expected - hardly older than you, if at all. And that’s a score for you, you figure. You’d much prefer to lose your virginity to someone who doesn’t seem like they could be your dad. But he is wearing sunglasses and that’s a bit weird - certainly not a dealbreaker but odd enough to make you wonder.

You aren’t sure what to say - should’ve listened closer when Natalie, Valerie or Alexa were seducing their men for drinks - and for a moment you sit in silence. 

It’s only when you turn your head to take another look at him, at the sunglasses sitting at the very top of his nose, that the silence between you two is broken, and his head tilts ever so slightly towards you. “What’re you looking at?”

God, his voice. You’d always had a thing for British accents and his is better than most, deep and raspy and slow, and you shift on your stool. And it sounds just a bit familiar but you can’t exactly pinpoint where - well, it doesn’t matter. If things go further between you two, tonight, you surmise he’d forever be the sexiest voice you’d slept with.

But you can’t get your hopes up. After all, the sunglasses in a dimly lit, fancy club is enough to make you just a bit suspicious of what type of person he is, and you refuse to hand over your V-card to a weirdo.

“Just wondering what your glasses are for.” Figure it’s best to figure that out before you let this get any further. You don’t want to waste your time. And you pointedly glance up at the ceiling, eyes darting around the walls of the club. “S’not like there’s much light here to protect your eyes from, is there?”

He chuckles, then, and you raise your eyebrows. “Guess I just don’t want people to see me,” he tells you, and when he turns to face you fully your eyes scan over his face and - God, he really does look familiar. And he sounds familiar. Have you met him before? No, you don’t think you could ever forget someone like him.

But - well, maybe. You weren’t necessarily known for having the keenest of memories.

You smile at him, brows creasing together. He certainly does seem to be a mystery and you’d love to uncover it in more ways than one. So you lean forward, resting your arm on the bartop. “Seems like the wrong kind of place, if you don’t want people to see you.”

“I reckon it’s working - you’re the first person to talk to me all night.” A hand - a large hand, you note - goes up to his hair, fingers brushing through his curls, and your eyes follow its path in a way that certainly isn’t anywhere close to subtle. “Not that I’m complaining, of course.”

Is he flirting with you? You’re not quite sure but God, you hope so, because so far he keeps getting better and better to you. So you turn to completely face him and you can see the small smirk on his lips, as if he knows what he’s doing to you without even having to try. “Are you going to tell me your name?”

You can see his eyebrows raise as he picks up his beer and takes a sip. Your eyes can’t help but follow every movement he makes and you don’t care if you look desperate - truthfully, you are. You hadn’t even seen his face in its entirety but you suspect your friends would be impressed if they could see the sort of guy you’d located. Even if you leave this club and never see him again, you’re not sure you could ever forget the way he’s making your stomach flip just with a small quirk of his lips.

When he’s set his drink down again and brought his wrist up to wipe at the beer still lingering on his lips - is that a Gucci watch? - he tilts his head at you, curls flopping, and then says, “Tell me yours first,” so you do. And he nods slowly before telling you, “My name is Harry.”

Harry. 

Your mind is whirring because suddenly the pieces are coming together - and you hadn’t been in your One Direction phase for a few years but you certainly know who Harry is. And the fact that you’re just sitting here, right now, talking to him in a club filled with too many other girls to count, seems like an accomplishment in itself. But you don’t want him to know you know, though surely he must assume you do, so you nod in the same fashion he did, as if you’re content with what he’d told you.

“Harry,” you repeat, as if testing the name out on your tongue. He spins his stool slightly so he’s facing you and your knees knock into his slightly. And then you raise your eyebrows at him, reaching down to tug your dress down slightly where it’s been riding up on your thighs, and you don’t miss the way his eyes follow your movements. “Are you going to let me see your eyes, Harry?”

Harry laughs slightly and then stands, and you look up at him, confusion blazing in your eyes. Is he leaving? God, you hope not. You don’t want your experience with him to be over before it's begun, no matter what it ends up being. But then he motions, with one finger, for you to follow him and you’re standing so fast your head is spinning, and you trail after him as he leads you through the crowd of people, and you crane your neck to try and see where your friends are but you can’t see them anywhere.

It’s fine by you, you decide, as Harry stops in front of a small, darkened booth towards the back of the club. You’re surprised but positively overjoyed that it’s empty - seems like the perfect type of table for anyone looking to get lucky. And, Christ, you are.

You slide into the booth and Harry slides in right next to you, leaving hardly a few inches between you two as he rests his arm against the back of the booth oso he can face you, and, beneath the table, your ankle links with his. You give him a moment to see if he’ll pull his foot loose from yours, but he never does, and it makes your heart race.

“Gonna take off your glasses for me, Harry?” you tilt your head forward - where you’d moved to is closer to the source of the music and it’s harder to hear, all of a sudden, but you can’t bring yourself to pretend that’s why your face gets so close to his. His breath smells like beer and mints, and you can see the smirk spreading further across his face. “I’ve been dying to see your eyes. Bet they’re pretty.” And you’re not quite sure where this confidence is coming from, because you’ve hardly tried to seduce anyone like this, but you’ll lay it on thick for him.

He’s different.

He chuckles and you can feel his breath, hot against your face. It sends a shiver down your spine and you hope the instinct was imperceptible. “Take them off for me, then,” and you do, reaching up to pull the glasses off his nose, and you can tell - just by the feeling of them in your hands - that they’re more expensive than anything you’d ever held in your life. 

As if everything before this wasn’t proof enough that you truly were talking to Harry Styles, sliding the glasses down his nose and meeting his eyes really validates it. You can’t help the way your lips part as you reach down to rest his sunglasses on the sticky table and you hope you don’t look as amazed as you’re feeling.

God, you have to be dreaming. The guy you cherry pick from the randoms sitting at a bar is - him. And you’re sitting with him, his fingers dancing across your shoulder blade where his arm is thrown lazily over the back of the booth, your ankles intertwined.

16-year-old you never could’ve believed it, but 22-year old you is having the time of her life.

“You look a bit shocked,” Harry murmurs, barely heard over the pounding music, but you hear it as clearly as if he’d yelled it in your ear.

You shift your mouth closer to his ear, so close that you know your lips graze his skin when you tell him, “Prettier than I’d expected, s’all.” It’s then - with a start - that you feel his other hand drop to your knee, pressing circles into your soft skin. You could nearly moan at the feeling and you know, suddenly, that this’ll definitely go where you want it to, assuming you don’t fuck it up.

And you won’t. Won’t let this opportunity go to waste.

“Ah.” When he tilts his head ever so slightly your lips are hardly a centimeter apart and with one shift forward you could close the gap, press your mouth to his, slip your tongue into his mouth. Force this into exactly the direction you need it to go, feel his hands drop to your hips, pulling you into his lap, cock hard against your core where your dress is riding up your hips.

As soon as you start to lean in, to make every fantasy you’ve had a reality, you feel two fingers, harsh against your shoulder, and they don’t belong to Harry.

You glance up, eyes narrowing at whoever had disrupted you, and standing in front of your booth is Alexa, wearing a small smile reeking of both excitement and guilt. And you can’t bring yourself to be mad at her for interrupting you, even though you want to, as she drops your phone onto the table.

“Sorry for interrupting,” she calls above the music, and you roll your eyes, leaning over Harry’s shoulder to move your head closer to his. In your ear you can hear him groan softly as your chest presses against his, and you can feel his arm that had been over the top of the booth drop to wrap around your waist - exactly where you’d wanted to feel it. “We’re gonna head out. Are you going to come?” The question is innocent but you can tell she already knows the answer as her eyes drop down to Harry’s arm, secure around your waist, fingers rubbing patterns into your hip through your tight, black dress.

“No,” you tell her, and Harry squeezes your hips in approval. “No, I’m gonna stay.”

“Are you sure?”

It’s then that Harry turns his head to look at her, effectively pressing your bodies closer than you’d thought they could go, and you can see the exact moment Alexa recognizes him - the way her eyes widen and her lips part into a smile. You’re not sure if she’s simply shocked that she’s seeing Harry in person or if she’s surprised you’re wrapped around him, but either way, she looks absolutely shell-shocked. “Promise I’ll take good care of her,” Harry tells your friend, and the double entendre makes you shift slightly, thighs rubbing against each other. 

He better take good care of you.

You bring your hand up to wave to Alexa and you can’t hear the response she squeaks out before she’s gone, and you don’t look to see her go back to your friends. You merely lean back, just a bit, pressing your hands to Harry’s shoulder to look at him.

“Gonna take good care of me, then?” you raise your eyebrows and you can see Harry’s pupils dilating as he stares at you, and you shift closer to him, practically in his lip. The music changes, then, and you hadn’t been paying attention to it before but now, Bang a Gong seems quite fitting for the moment. “Hope you follow through on that.”

It’s then that he leans forward, eliminating the distance between your faces as his lips press to yours. And you hardly have a moment to even comprehend it as his hand rises to the small of your back, pulling you closer to him, and you moan into his mouth just about immediately. Harry’s tongue slips into your mouth and one of your hands drags up to the back of his neck, nails tracing along his sweaty skin. You’re not sure you’ve ever truly appreciated being kissed until right now, feeling his lips slotted against yours, the way his hand is pushing further up your thigh until his fingertips are creeping up the cheap material of your black dress.

You only pull away when you need to catch your breath, and Harry’s arm keeps you so close to him that the thought of regaining your composure seems too far away to consider. You’re not sure you’ll ever recover from that and you know there’s so fucking much more to come and you truly have scored, even if you only end up with kiss swollen lips to show for it.

But you reckon he has a thing for hickeys. It’s just a vibe you get from some guys, and as soon as the thought settles into your brain Harry proves it - mouth moving down to just below your jaw, and you drop your head back with a whine as you feel him beginning to suck a dark mark into your skin. His hand on your hip clutches your dress between his fingers, pulling the material tighter to your body than you’d even thought it could go, and it’s all the leverage he needs to pull you as close to him as you can go without being on top of him.

Which - you aren’t opposed to, but you’d always pictured your first time being below an incredibly handsome man.

(Though, you hadn’t ever pictured your first time being with your teenage crush, so you shouldn’t start relying on your fantasies now, you guess.)

When you shift your leg so it’s hooked across his, he pauses, pulling back to glance at the mark he’d left on your skin. In the dim light in the back of the club you’re not sure how well he’d be able to see it, but he grins as he examines it. Your fingers tangle in the curls at the nape of his neck and you can feel him shiver beneath you and it makes your clit throb. “I think,” he tells you, leaning in so his mouth is right at the bottom of your ear, and you fight back a whimper at how deep his voice had gotten - dropped nearly an octave since the last time he spoke. “I think we should take this somewhere else.”

Harry squeezes your bare thigh, then, fingers just a few inches from the hem of your panties. You’d let him pin you to the booth, fuck you hard where anyone could walk by and see but - of course - that isn’t feasible. And as much as you truly do not care about losing your virginity, you don’t think you want it to be here, so you nod your approval. In an instant he’s out of the booth, fingers wrapped around your wrist and tugging you out after him. You grab his sunglasses and your phone, resting on the sticky table. You stumble as soon as you stand up and you’re not sure why - you think you’re just a bit overwhelmed with everything that had happened in the past 20 minutes, and the fact that Harry fucking Styles is almost certainly taking you to bed.

“Hang on,” you tell him, and when he turns to look back at you with an eyebrow raised, you reach forward to perch his glasses on top of his nose, preserving the anonymity you knew he wanted. He smiles slightly as he reaches up to push them further up his nose, and then he wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him as you begin to walk towards the door.

Your friends are gone, you note, as you pass the booth you’d occupied earlier. Your phone, firm in your hand, has been buzzing incessantly since Alexa dropped it off but you haven’t bothered to check what the notifications are - your friends, surely wondering what you were doing, where you were going, when you would be home. And you didn’t know, truly, but you hoped it wouldn’t be anytime soon.

Harry pulls you through the doors of the club into the moist, nighttime air, and immediately you’re shivering - it’s chilly, just a bit. Not too bad, but you can tell it’s just rained by the way your foot sinks into a puddle of water, soaking through your cheap black heels.

You pay it no mind - just keep walking in pace with him, wondering, briefly, if there’ll be a time when you wake up from this. Perhaps right as he slides inside of you, filling you up so good, you’ll squeeze your eyes shut and moan and when you open them you’ll be in your bed, staring up at the ceiling and wishing you didn’t have such a rampant imagination.

There’s no way this can truly be real but at the same time it is - the way his fingers tap against your hip feels so real. The way he leans in, pressing a kiss to your temple as he turns you both down the street, it feels like it can’t possibly be a dream.

“What are you thinking about?” his voice sends vibrations rolling through your body and now that you’re free of music blaring through your head, muffling every word the pair of you spoke, you can appreciate it more - the rasp in his tone, how deep and slow he speaks. You could nearly moan at that but you hold back, biting on your tongue to prevent any loose noises from slipping out.

You lean up so your mouth is close to his ear like you had in the club, even though there’s no music surrounding you to make it necessary - you like the way he tightens his grip on your hip when you breathe against his ear. “Just wondering where you’re taking me.”

That wasn’t, in fact, what you were thinking about, but you didn’t think you could muster up the courage right now to tell him how bad you want him inside of you.

Harry points down the street and you squint to what he’s motioning to - “Have a driver waiting for me. Gonna take us to my hotel room, not too far from here.”

“And then what?”

He raises his eyebrow as he glances down at you, and you can see the amusement twinkling in his eyes even on such a dimly lit street. “And then -” he turns into a parking lot, just behind the club you’d been in, and you can hear the distant thumping music from inside - “I’ll do whatever you want me to.”

Christ. You nearly whimper just at the implication and your mind speeds off, leaving your body behind, imagining every single thing he could do to you - or you could do to him - or anything. You can picture a thousand different scenarios and every single one ends with you in his hotel bed, your V-card firmly in his pocket.

It’s then that Harry stops in front of a sleek, black car - raps two knuckles on the tinted window of the driver’s seat and it rolls down almost immediately, as though it had been waiting for his signal. You can’t hear what he murmurs to the driver as he ducks his head inside the window and you don’t strain your mind to try and listen - within a few seconds he’s stepping back, opening the door to the backseat and ushering you inside.

You’d never been in a nicer car before but you shouldn’t be shocked - the outfit he’s wearing tonight could pay your rent for the next four months. There’s a partition between the backseat and the front and you’re beyond thankful as Harry slides in beside you, slamming the door shut, and he doesn’t give you a moment to process anything before his lips are on yours.

You wouldn’t dream of complaining as your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer to you, and he’s groaning into your mouth as his hand drifts downwards to cup your ass through your dress but it’s not enough for him and you can tell. Fingers push up the bottom of the cheap material so he can slip his hand beneath it, hand cold against the back of your thigh and he slides his hand further up until he’s groping your arse once more.

“Fuck,” you breathe, and you can feel Harry smirking against your lips - a smug bastard, he is, but you find you don’t truly care. You pull your mouth from his, feeling his teeth tugging at your bottom lip, but you’re hardly disconnected a moment before you throw your leg over his thighs, straddling him, and he moans like music to your ears. 

He uses his grip on your ass to force your hips to rock against the bulge, prominent even through his pants. His other hand tugs your dress up to your hips, letting the material bunch around your waist, and immediately his hand comes down hard on your ass - you squeal, dropping your forehead against his, as he rubs over the spot he’d just smacked.

“Y’like that?” You nod, pressing your lips to the side of Harry’s neck as he lands another slap down on your bum. Your hips press harder into his, feeling the pressure on your clit as you roll against him. “Yeah, know you do. Dirty girl.”

And - you’re not sure why - but you drop your lips to his ear, nibbling on his earlobe and feeling the way his cock twitches beneath you. “Can I tell you something?”

He nods, and you bring your hand up to his hair, running your fingers through his sweaty curls. Harry tilts his head to the side and your lips briefly brush, feather light, as you slow the pace your hips are rocking, savoring every brush of your panty clad clit against the material of his pants. “Anything,” he mutters, head dropping against the headrest, and you reach down to press your palm to his cock. God, he’s so hard and he feels so big too, too big to even fit in you, but you know damn well you’ll try your very best to make it work.

Even if you’ve never done it before, and before you can wonder if it’s the best time or thing to tell him, you lean in. “I’ve never had sex before.”

Harry certainly seems shocked and the way his lips part goes straight to your ego - do you seem so good at all of this that he’d suspected you’d done it time and time again? Maybe he’s confused as to why you told him and truthfully, you are, too. Just felt like the kind of thing he’d like to know. Your ex boyfriend had certainly wanted to know, and two days after you’d told him he’d ended things.

Maybe some guys don’t want to take girls’ virginities, but judging by the way Harry’s fingers dig further into your ass, you suspect he does.

“Never?” There’s the surprise thick in his voice and you nod, grasp on his cock tightening ever so slightly, and he groans beneath you. “God. Never would’ve thought. Bloody good at this.”

Yep, there’s your ego inflating, and you shrug. “Done just about everything else. Just haven’t gotten to the good part.” Another smack lands against your ass and you moan, pushing back against his palm as he smooths his hand over your skin.

He leans back, then, shifting his hips, and you can see his pupils dilating more and more as he glances down at the way your cunt presses to his cock - “Why don’t you show me what you can do, then?”

You’re much more than willing, and you lean in to give Harry one final kiss before pushing yourself off of him and sitting, on your knees, on the seat beside him. He’s watching you so intently you could almost feel judged but you love it - love the way he watches you push your hair behind you, how he reaches down to slowly undo the zipper of his fancy dress pants, but you wanna do it yourself. You push his hand away, wrapping your hand around his wrist, and surely he’s strong enough to resist the dominant act you’re playing if he wanted to but you can tell he doesn’t. You finish unzipping his pants and he lifts his hips slightly so you can shimmy them down his thighs, just enough so you’re face to face with his cock, thick and bulging through his briefs.

You don’t give yourself a moment to examine just how big he is - bigger than you’d anticipated when you were on top of him and when you’d felt him up. You’d sucked off plenty of guys and none of them came close to his size but you’ve mastered the faux confident facade as you shift backwards, leaning down with your ass high in the air to press a soft kiss against Harry’s cock through his boxers.

He groans, those glasses slipping down his nose, and his wandering fingers end up dancing down your back - you’re not sure where he’s going but you shift forward to give him easier access to your ass, if that’s what he wants, and your fingers hook in the waistband of his boxers to pull them over his cock.

Jesus, yeah, he is big. You wrap your hand around him, pumping experimentally a few times, listening to the way Harry moans brokenly. You wonder, briefly, when he’s last done this - he looks as though it’s been a bit too long but, well, you suppose you can’t judge how sensitive he is when just the feeling of his hand splayed across your lower back is wetting your panties faster than anything has before.

Lips press a wet kiss against the tip of his cock, just briefly, before you wrap your lips around his length and push our head down - a gurgled cry escapes his throat and you nearly smirk around him, taking him as far down your throat as you can until your nose is just about brushing his pelvis. Your hands press to his thighs and you can feel him growing stiffer in the confines of your mouth by the second. Fingers tangle in your hair, forcing your head down, and with any other guy you’d roll your eyes but there’s something different about him, something that makes you like the dominance. Any semblance of it that you’d had seconds before is gone and there’s a smack against your ass, causing you to cry out against his cock.

Normally you pull off of guys after 15 seconds (or so) but Harry doesn’t let you, holds you down, and you hollow your cheeks around him. Swallow, and his hips jerk up into your mouth, forcing a gag from you, and then he loosens his grip on your hair, allowing you to pull your mouth from him.

Harry’s breathing is heavy and his hand is groping your ass so tight it nearly hurts but the pleasure overpowers it and you push back against his hand. His fingers tug at your thong, slipping beneath it as you lap at the tip of his cock, and no sooner have his fingers circled your puckered hole - is he gonna do it? - that he slides them further down, running his digits through your soaked folds. 

“So - so fucking wet -” his voice cracks as you take him down your throat again but his hand doesn’t force your head down like last time - instead he brings his other hand to your bum and smacks you hard, harder than every other time, and you moan and he moans, and then two of his fingers slip into your cunt and you moan again.

God, it really is happening, because if it wasn’t, you’re sure you’d have woken yourself up in excitement by now. He really is two fingers deep in your pussy while his cock is all the way down your throat, and he really is crying out as you whine against his cock. His digits curl, brushing against that sweet spot in your velvety walls that has you clenching around him, and you think he’s the first guy you’ve ever done anything with whose found your G-spot without 10 minutes of needed assistance.

Your tongue swirls around his cock as you take your mouth from him, throwing your head back with a cry, and your first still pumps him up and down - his fingers are thrusting in and out of you so fast that the sound of your arousal is nearly the same volume as your moans lingered with his. You’re going to cum so fucking hard, first time you’ve cum from anything other than your fingers or your toys, and you roll your hips against his fingers, grasp on his cock tightening.

“Gonna cum -” your eyes roll back into your head as your thumb flicks over the head of Harry’s length, feeling the way his body jerks at the sensation. “Fuck, don’t stop, don’t stop -”

“Gonna cum for me?” his voice is a hiss through gritted teeth as his fingers speed up even more, pumping inside of you so fast that your head is fucking spinning. “Do it, then. My dirty - fucking - girl, cum for me.”

It’s all you needed and you can’t even bring yourself to feel embarrassed at how fast you’re cumming because as soon as the pit in your stomach starts to unravel you can feel his cock twitching in your fist. You can’t think of a single thing to say, vocabulary wiped clean, merely throwing your head back with a noise akin to a scream as you cum on his fingers, and as his hips jerk up, you can feel his release coating your hand.

Harry’s fingers still pump slowly inside of you, prolonging your orgasm until it fades away and in turn you try to do the same to him, hand moving up and down his cock until your breathing steadies from labored pants into something more normal. So you pull your hand off of him, pushing yourself to sit on your knees, cum covering your fingers. And, in an instant, Harry’s fingers are wrapped around your wrist, and you let him guide your hand up to your mouth.

You can tell he’s merely testing you to see if you’ll do it - but, truthfully, you’d wanted him to cum in your mouth, anyway, if only to prove something to him, or to yourself. So you stick your tongue out, lap a thick stripe through his cum on your hand, dripping down your wrist, and Harry’s lust ridden eyes watch you, lips parted and breathing picking up again.

Your eyes never leave his as you lick up the last of his release on your hands, swallowing every last bit of it, and when you open your mouth to stick your tongue out - proving to him that you took every single goddamn drop - his hand flies to the back of your neck, pulling your head in, and your lips connect with a clash of teeth.

“Like a fucking angel,” Harry groans, pressing his fist to the car seat next to you, and the feeling of him hovering ever so slightly above you makes the buzzing in your head that much more intense. His other hand works at tucking himself back into his pants, zipping them up, and you figure it’s good to pull your dress down to cover your ass, too. “My fuckin’ perfect girl. Jesus Christ.”

You can feel the car slowing to a stop and you’re entirely too ready to go up to Harry’s bedroom and have your goddamn brains fucked out. You already feel like you’re on cloud 9 with one orgasm down, one so intense and brutal, one that you reckon nothing but him could muster up, and that’s just his fingers - you need to know what his cock’ll do to you. 

His hand falls back down to your waist where it seems to love to reside and he squeezes your hip, leaning in to nibble at your bottom lip again. You grin lazily, then reach up and push his sunglasses back up his nose where they’d slid down the bridge ever so slightly. “Want you t’fuck me,” you breathe, voice raspy in all of its post-orgasm glory. “Never gotten fucked by anyone before but I need you - swear, I’ve never cum so hard in my life.”

Harry chuckles and turns to glance out the window - then he grabs the door handle and pushes it open. When you’ve both clambered out of the car his arm is around you in a heartbeat, and you need the support, legs feeling shaky, and you take just a moment to glance up at the hotel you’re walking into - nicer than anything you’d ever been in in your life but you feel a bit more used to it by now.

“Tell me,” Harry mutters, leaning his lips close to your ear, as the automatic doors slide open for the pair of you to walk into the hotel lobby. “How many guys have made you cum before, hmm?”

“None,” is your response, turning your head to the side so you can witness the shock that overtakes Harry’s face - you can’t see his eyes but you’re sure they’re wide. “Told myself I didn’t want to fuck a guy who didn’t know where the clit is, and - well, none of them did.”

He chuckles as you two make your way through the lobby towards the elevators - it feels wrong for you to even be here, walking by people who see more money every day than you have in your life, in your dress you’d gotten at the thrift store and your heel still slightly wet. But being with Harry, having his arm around you, makes you feel decidedly less awkward, because you’re sure millions of girls would positively die to do what you’re about to do.

But you get to do it, and if that isn’t the best feeling in the world.

He stops in front of the elevator and presses the button to go up, and the doors open almost immediately - such a gentleman, he is, letting you step in first, and when you’re both in you watch the button for the very top floor light up as he pushes it. 

“You’re in for the night of your life,” Harry tells you as the elevator doors slide shut, and you’re entirely expecting him to pin you to the wall but he doesn’t - incredible composure, really, staring straight ahead like he can’t feel the desperation practically dripping from your body. You stare at him, for a moment, at his side profile, jaw set. Like he isn’t as needy as you are, but, as your eyes trail down his body to the bulge already hardening again in his pants, you know that he is.

It seems like an eternity later that the elevator doors slide open again, and you want to race down the hall to his room but you let him lead the way, even if his pace is pathetically slow as he strolls down the hallway. There are only two rooms up this high, on either ends of the hall, and his is to the left of the elevators and it seems so much further than the one to the right.

But you make it there, and Harry’s reaching in his pockets to find his key card - and then he’s swiping it - and then he’s pushing open the door - and as soon as it shuts again, you’re pressed firm against the wall. Your hands fly to the back of his head as his drop to your back, trailing downwards to cup at your ass again (he seems to have a thing for it, but you would never think of complaining.) Your lips press to his as your head falls back against the door, and his hips jerk forward to roll against yours.

You still feel entirely too sensitive and you moan out, pushing your hips forward to meet his as you pull his face closer to yours, using your arms around his neck as leverage to pull him in, but you didn’t need it - you can tell he’s just as desperate as you are, and soon he pulls you off of the door, backing you up to God knows where. You let him lead you until your legs hit something and you fall backwards onto a plush couch, pushing yourself onto your elbows to watch Harry as he drops to his knees before you.

Oh, shit.

Your cheeks heat up as he rests his hands on your knees, spreading your thighs apart. Harry’s hand rises up to his sunglasses, perched, still, on his nose, and he pulls them off, resting them on the coffee table behind him. His eyes meet yours and perhaps he can see the apprehension in your eyes because he leans up, pressing a kiss to your lips. You savor the moment, the sweetness of his tongue entering your mouth, before he lowers himself back down onto his knees. Hands go to the bottom of your dress, rolling it over your hips until it can settle around your waist, exposing your entire bottom half to him, and it feels so much more intimate now that you’re not confined to the backseat of a car.

Harry leans in without giving you a breath to collect yourself, pressing a kiss to your clit through your arousal-soaked lace panties - your hand drops to the couch, squeezing the edge of the cushion between your fingers, and you can already feel your slight embarrassment slipping away as Harry pushes your thigh, forcing it further open.

“Tell me,” he says, deep and hot with how close he is to your cunt, and your hips roll of their own accord at the feeling. “How many guys have done this to you?”

You pause to think, chest rising and falling as he leans in again, licking up your panties, and the sensation makes it a bit difficult to gather yourself enough to respond - eventually, though, you swallow and say, “Not too many. One or two.”

He leans back, pressing a kiss to your thigh. “And they never made you cum.”

“N - no.”

“Well, I will,” is his response, and, as cocky as it may seem, you know he’s right - could probably make you cum through your panties, but his fingers hook in the top of them as soon as the thought pops in your mind. You lift your hips up so he can drag them down your legs, and when they’ve puddled by your feet he helps you take them off. You watch as he crumbles the lacey material in his hands and then stuffs it into the pockets of his fancy pants - for later, he murmurs against your thigh. And then he goes in - hands on your thighs forcing them apart so hard it nearly burns but you find you like the stretch, and his lips wrap around your clit, cheeks hollowing as he sucks on the small nub.

Your head drops back against the couch and you bury your hand in his hair, a loud moan escaping your throat. He wasn’t teasing you and you were beyond grateful - tongue laps up every drop of wetness that gushes in your cunt, kitten licks against your clit, and you can tell he has more experience than you could have imagined. Harry has it mastered, exactly where to place his hands (one on your thigh, the other creeping its way beneath the material of your dress towards your tits) and how to flick his tongue just right to have your hips bucking up against his mouth. And if you thought you’d cum hard in the car you know you’re in for a fucking treat because there’s already pressure building in your stomach and it won’t be long until it fucking erupts.

When you squeeze your eyes shut he stops - pulls away, his mouth and his hands, like he’d never been there in the first place. You open your eyes, chest heaving as you stare down at him. His pupils are lust blown and wide as he stares at you, eyebrows raised, as if you’re meant to know something he never told you - “Eyes open,” he tuts, tone condescending and smug, and you hate how much you love it. “Keep them open. Gonna watch me make you fall apart, alright?” You nod slowly. “Tell me.”

Your voice is caught in your throat as Harry’s lips form a small o, breathing a puff of air onto your beyond sensitive clit, and your fingers in his curls tighten to what has to hurt - but he moans, ever so slightly, as you finally breathe, “Yes. Okay.”

“S’what I thought,” is his response, and then he leans back in, licking up your soaked folds as though no time had passed. Both of his palms press against your thighs, pinching your soft skin, fingers dangerously close to the area he’s working so well. God, his fingers, you swear you’ve never felt anything better than them - you want them again, so bad, hitting your sweet spot so good.

You can’t begin to get the words out to tell him that, though, so you merely reach down, shaky fingers wrapping around his wrist and pushing it closer to your cunt - he pauses, tongue mid-swirl around your clit, and looks up at you with a glint of pure cockiness in his eyes. 

“What do you want?” he doesn’t remove his mouth from around your clit as he speaks and the vibrations roll through your body, sending a cry through your throat, and you push his hand further towards your cunt. You know it won’t be enough - haven’t known Harry for quite long at all, but you reckon you know that much about him. “Use your words,” and Harry sounds so fucking commanding that it could make you cum right then and there.

“F - fingers,” you just about sob out, rolling your hips up into his mouth so your clit brushes against his tongue. “Please, Harry - need your fingers, please -”

“Fingers, hmm?” His digits dance across your thighs, straying further away from where you need him, and your eyes just about roll back into your head as he pulls his mouth from your clit and blows on it again. “Where do you want my fingers?”

But you’re too far gone to speak - as he leans in to brush his tongue against your sensitive clit once more, you can feel the pit in your tummy starting to come undone. You drop your head back as Harry licks a thick stripe up to your sensitive nub, and he stops again, pressing his cheek against your inner thigh. “Does my dirty girl want my fingers in her pussy, hmm? S’that where you want my fingers?”

You moan out in affirmation.

Harry pulls his head from your thigh and you push yourself so you’re sitting up more, getting a clear view of everything he’s doing as he spits on your pussy, the saliva dripping down onto your clit, and you fucking cry out. His fingers come up to collect the spittle, rubbing it along your clit before dragging it down your folds so he can push them into your pussy - curling up immediately, knowing exactly the spot that makes you squirm. His other hand comes up and lands a firm smack against your clit, one that has your eyes rolling back into your head.

It only takes a few quick pumps of his curled fingers, in and out of your fluttering cunt, that has you cumming so hard you swear you see stars. Every single sob that breaks free from your throat is so loud that you swear the neighbors in the room at the other end of the hall must be able to hear you - should send them a flower arrangement tomorrow morning, because it’s just his mouth and fingers that has you screaming bloody murder.

“Oh my god -” your hips jerk against his mouth, your hands in his hair dropping back down to the cushions. “Fuck.”

Coming down from your second high of the evening is entirely different from your first - you can’t imagine how you’ll possibly be able to pull anymore from you but, as Harry stands up, your slick covering his mouth and chin, you know you have to.

The whole point is to fuck him. To finally know what everyone’s talking about - to see what the fuss is all about. 

Harry leans down, tongue forcing its way down your throat the second your lips part for him, and you can taste yourself on his tongue. Your arousal mixed with the beer he’d had earlier, all traces of the mint washed away, and it tastes so divine. Even more divine as his hands drop to the zipper of his pants, sliding it down, and you slide your fingers in the waistband, helping him tug them down his thighs. He kicks them off as soon as they’re near his feet and then he pulls away, palm pressing against the bulge in his briefs. 

“How do you want it?” he asks, words dripping with lust and desperation and you know the exact way he’s feeling and more. You watch him intently as he grips the bottom of his sweater and tugs it over his head - it drops to the rug atop the ground and you let your eyes soak in the sight of him, almost fully nude, briefly ignoring the question.

You hadn’t necessarily expected him to ask. He seems more dominant than that, needing to take control, so you swallow, chest heaving as you try to think. “I don’t - I don’t know.”

He seems to have been expecting that answer, because his hands fall to your waist, pushing you down so you’re lying on the couch. It’s spacious, just enough room for you to adjust yourself comfortably, and Harry lowers himself down on top of you the second you’ve shifted enough.

“How’s this?”

And his caring demeanor is shocking but fitting, because as much as you merely want to get your virginity out of the way, it does feel like a sort of important moment. You want it to be comfortable, and lying on the plushiest couch you’ve ever been on with Harry hovering above you, his arm inches above your head, is about as comfortable as you’re going to get.

You loop your arms around his neck and you can feel his clothed cock, pressed to your cunt. He’s so fucking hard and you’re amazed at the amount of composure he has. “Perfect,” you mumble, leaning up to attach your lips once more (you swear, you can’t get enough of him.)

Harry tugs down his boxers, just enough to free his cock from the flannel confines, and you can feel his tip, running along your folds - he slaps it on your clit and you groan. You drop your head back against the arm of the couch as he sinks his tip into your cunt. Slowly, steadily, he pushes himself the rest of the way in, stuffing you so deliciously full of him that it nearly overtakes the pain.

Nearly.

You’ve used dildos before and you’re thankful for it, now, because you reckon without any sort of experience you’d feel absolutely split in half. Even now, there’s a dull burn sparking between your thighs, and you drop your head back, eyes squeezing shut as you try to adjust to the feeling. No, it didn’t necessarily hurt but it was different and that in itself was enough for you to need a moment to adjust. The way his cock twitched inside of you every so often encouraged you and subsequently turned you on beyond belief, and you don’t need too much time to adjust, after all.

Harry’s breathing is heavy and you can feel it against your face, barely an inch above yours. Poor guy, must be torture, holding out, because you can practically sense how needy he is. You lift your head up to press your lips to his, soft like the brush of a butterfly’s wing, before pulling back. “Move - fuck, please, move, Harry.”

He didn’t need to be told twice, pulling his hips back before thrusting them back in. That is certainly different, verging on the border of pain, but with a few more slow pumps, in and out of your dripping cunt, the pleasure is beginning to take it over.

It takes a moment to find a rhythm that’s enough for both of you. There’s still a slight discomfort but not enough to make you want to wait any longer. You’re finally having sex and you want it to keep going, to do it forever and ever with the absolute God hovering above you.

“So goddamn tight,” Harry grunts as he rocks his hips into yours. “Squeezing me so good. Never fucked anyone so tight in my life, I swear.”

His compliments, whether they were in the heat of the moment or genuine, makes you moan out - makes this entire thing feel so much better.

And fuck, it truly does feel good, especially when he angles his hips just so, every thrust sweeping against that sweet spot deep inside of you that he’s so adept at finding. For the first minute or so you’re fine with the leisurely pace he’s doing but you can tell it’s killing him and it’s starting to kill you, too. You’ve never been too patient, even if you’d waited 22 years for this exact moment.

You’re not a virgin. It feels good, the invisible badge of honor and the cock, going entirely too slow for your liking, deep in your pussy.

“Faster - need you to go faster,” you gasp as Harry’s thumb drops to your clit, rubbing slow circles on the sensitive nub, and they’re immediately a sharp contrast to the way he pulls his hips out and slams them back in. This is what he wanted, what he needed, and it’s what you need, too. No slow pumps. You need him fucking fast and hard and God it feels good, the way he presses down on your clit, sending pleasure coursing through your veins. “Feel so good inside me. God, keep doing that.”

Harry braces a hand on top of the couch, lifting his body slightly off of yours to piston his cock in and out of your cunt, taking him greedily and fully. He’d been with plenty of girls before - more than he could count - but there was something different, being the first guy to fill you up, to fuck you so hard you saw stars. And it was bloody good, watching you beneath him, your mouth falling open with a broken moan, pushing your pelvis up towards his, trying to help him along.

“Such a dirty girl,” Harry rasps, reaching down to grab the top of your dress - should’ve taken it off of you, really - and he pulls it down so aggressively you’re sure the fabric will rip. Your tits spill out of the top, covered only by your bra, and his fingers hook in the cups, pulling them away from your breasts, and in an instant his head is lowered to flick his tongue against your nipple. “Feels so good, hmm? Getting fucked for the very first time? Poor baby - never had a dick before. Tell me how - tell me how it feels.”

Your head is fucking spinning, is how it feels, and you’re not sure you’re going to be able to talk for days to come. You sob out your response, barely audible, but Harry hears it as if you’d spoken loud and clear - “So good, fuck, gonna cum.”

Two of his fingers pluck at your clit like the strings of a guitar, as if you’re merely something to be played with, but it’s enough to send you over the edge again. Your body convulses beneath him, eyes squeezing shut. Your cunt fluttering around him could make him cum but you can tell he wants to hold out - wants to see if you have one more in you, and you’re not sure if you do.

It’s as though Harry can sense the second you’ve milked your orgasm for all you can, because he pulls out of you the second you’re done. Before you can cry out, his hands grab your hips and flip you over with such ease it’s nearly embarrassing. You hardly have the muscle strength to hold yourself up, merely dropping your face into the cushion as his hands position himself at your cunt, pushing in without giving you a second to adjust, and it’s back to the hard, steady pace you’d reached before.

This position is a fucking change and one you love, a new angle letting him reach spots inside of you that you hadn’t even known existed. Your moans are muffled where your mouth is pressed to the cushion but Harry’s are loud and clear, piercing the air near violently as he cries out. You can’t see him but you try with all your might to picture exactly what he’s doing - picturing how his mouth is open and his eyes are shut and he’s lifting his hand to land it back down on your -

As though he can read your thoughts his hand goes up and smacks down on your ass, the noise cracking through the air, and you sob out at the feeling. You love that, you really do, and you’d never have expected yourself to but as he sends another slap to your skin you decide it’s one of your favorite things you’ve done this whole fucking evening.

“Gonna cum,” Harry grunts, hand gripping your thigh to rock your body in time with his. You wiggle your ass, pushing it against him, and for that, you earn another smack. “Where d’you want me to cum? Want it on your back, hmm? Or maybe flip you over again and cum on your pretty tits.”

You can’t verbalize anything, nothing except for broken cries and his name falling off your lips like a mantra, and he knows it.

“Or -” and his voice drops nearly a whole fucking octave, deeper than you’d even thought it could go, and you’re so close to your fourth that your ears are starting to ring - “does my dirty girl want me to cum in her pussy? Fill you up with my cum, fuck you so good until you’re stuffed with it.”

It’s that - his words, fucking filthy and rising above every other noise the two of you make - that ends you. Sends you hurtling into your fourth, now, the couch practically absorbing your moan (or more like a scream) and any ability you’d had to hold yourself up on shaky legs dissipates as you collapse against the couch but Harry’s there, holding you up, forcing your hips back into his you were made for it.

You don’t need to say anything - he knows what you want, can read you like a book by now, and you’ve only known him for tonight. So as his cock gives its final twitch inside your cunt, worn out from cumming four times in such a short amount of time, he makes no move to pull out. Just grips your hips and holds them close to his, and the feeling of hot ribbons of cum shooting into your cunt, filling you up exactly the way you’d wanted, is a sensation you don’t think you’ll ever forget.

When he’s done, pulling out slowly, you collapse fully onto the couch with nothing to hold you up - you’re fucking exhausted but you’ve never felt better in your life. A haze seems to be settling over your mind and body, preventing you from paying any attention to anything that’s not Harry as he stands up above you. And then you feel him, wrapping his arms around you, picking you up like a goddamn baby and you like it a lot.

You’re entirely too close to falling asleep in his arms before he lies you down on a surface softer than the couch - has to be the bed, the rich hotel beds, and as your head lands on the pillow you know you’re correct. God, feels like a pillow, and you’d like to spend the rest of your life right here.

Harry’s like a God in human form, truly, getting a warm washcloth from the restroom to wipe at the cum dripping down your thighs. You two speak in soft, hushed voices, as though making up for the absolutely inhuman noises you’d made before, as he pulls your dress over your head and deposits it on the ground. It is ripped, you can see, but you find you don’t really care. Not like you didn’t get it for less than $10 - and it’s just a reminder of every amazing thing that happened tonight, not that you’d ever need one. You know you’ll remember this night forever.

Finally he lies down beside you, shifting so he’s spooning you, arms firm around your waist and your head to his shoulder. This feels perfect, exactly what you needed to end off your first time perfectly.

“M’not a virgin anymore,” you murmur, adjusting yourself to press your body closer to his. “Feels good. Feel like I’m finally living.”

Harry chuckles at that, pressing a kiss to the side of your face. “Hope your first time was as good as it could be.”

You exhale softly. “It was perfect,” you tell him, voice soft and dripping with emotions you can’t possibly decipher. And it’s the absolute truth - even if your first time wasn’t with a boyfriend you were in love with, like your friends, you don’t think you’d ever have it any other way. “Maybe we could do it again, some time.”

Probably a mistake to ask, but there’s nothing to lose, really. Maybe a piece of your dignity if he says no, but it doesn’t hurt to ask. You’d do this a thousand times over again with him without hesitating.

He takes a beat to respond and you know you fucked up, already squeezing your eyes shut in regret, but then he rasps, “Definitely gotta do it again. Tomorrow night … and the night after that … and the night after that …” and you know you’re in for it.

[shyvioletcat]

Yeah... I'm the worst...

*Redid the tags, got told some weren’t working. Sorry*

~ Masterlist ~

~~~~~

There was an ugly silence in the room, no one quite knowing how to break it. A small sob had Rowan looking back at Lyria, her hand cradling her stomach. The gesture caused a pain so sharp in Rowan’s chest that he choked on it because of the lies that rested beneath her hand. He had no real sense of reality as he stood there looking between his wife and the man she had been unfaithful to him with. His brain was still processing what he had overheard.

“You never gave me a chance.”

“Have you told him that the baby may not even be his?”

Rowan’s knees went weak and he thought he may start vomiting. This was a joke. Some sick cruel joke his friends had decided to play on him, Aelin always liked to pull a good prank. But the longer he looked at Lyria and from the look on her face the way she was trembling… this was no joke.

“Rowan. We–”

“No,” Rowan said, not bothering to look at the other man in the room. “This is not coming from you.”

Rowan’s brain was finally catching up with him and he had so many questions. The first and foremost was how exactly Sam rutting Cortland got to be standing in his kitchen as a possible father of the baby his wife was carrying.

“I want you to leave,” Rowan said to Sam. “I’m leaving this room and I want you gone.”

He didn’t bother to address Lyria as he left the kitchen and started down the hallway. She had two options here, she could come and find once showing her guest out or she could leave. Rowan hoped that for the sake of his sanity she chose the former. A dilemma struck Rowan as he stood in the hallway, only overhearing hushed sounds of conversation through his home. Where was he going to go? He didn’t want to have this conversation in the bedroom, it felt too intimate as the ravine between him and Lyria was gaping wider by the second. He wasn’t going to go back out to any of the rooms beyond the hallway and risk running into Sam again. That really only left him one option.

Rowan turned the door handle of the baby’s room and stepped inside.

The walls were painted a soft yellow, bits and pieces of baby paraphernalia were stacked in piles around the room that they hadn’t got around to sorting through. Seems they had a few more things they needed to sort through.

The fact that Sam was possibly the father of the baby had him reeling. Aelin and Sam had been broken up for a while now. Rowan had liked the guy, but he could tell that the two of them weren't meant to be. Sam and him were close to friends by the time the relationship fell apart, not enough that once Aelin had let him go Rowan had kept in contact. There's was a lot of missing information between then and now. Gods, had Aelin known and not told him? Is that why she had been getting progressively more distant over these past months?

Rowan waited, the feeling of wanting to empty the contents of his stomach returning in full force. His ears were straining for any indication that Lyria was still house. The front door closed and then he heard soft footsteps. She went to the bedroom first, saying his name softly–her voice wavering. She obviously didn’t find him there so she finally came to him. The door squeaked as she pushed it open and Rowan made a mental note to fix that before the baby came, he didn’t want them waking up because of the noise. That thought had him closing his eyes and leaning on the box that held the pieces of the cot, not even knowing where his future was heading.

Lyria was silent, waiting for Rowan to say something. So he did.

“Why?” he asked simply.

“I don’t know,” Lyria said quietly.

“Yes you do,” Rowan said coldly. “Stop trying to spare my feelings. Just tell me.”

Lyria walked over to the rocking chair in the corner, the only real piece of furniture in the room and eased herself down. At any other time Rowan would be over there, helping and hovering. But right now he was rooted to the spot.

“It was just after we had that big fight, the one about my car,” Lyria explained. That had been well over a year ago, this wasn’t the cause of the current problem. “I went out and I randomly ran into Sam. We got talking, he’d just had that messy breakup with Aelin so we were commiserating together. We exchanged numbers.”

“And then what? Swapping numbers doesn’t get you pregnant,” Rowan said as he finally turned around.

He saw Lyria in the chair, head tipped back as tears ran down her cheeks. “It was another fight, over something stupid I can’t remember now, and I told Sam and we went out and we got drunk. We’d been texting for a while, we had become friends and talking almost every day. Then suddenly that line blurred and we were more than that and that night he asked me to come back to his place, you’d headed out of town so I said yes. We had sex back at his place, and it was the worst mistake of my life.”

Rowan remembered that, he had the same blip in his memory over what exactly the fight was over, but he remembered leaving town overnight for work. He had tried to call Lyria so many times but eventually giving her the space he interpreted her silence to be asking for. And the truth of it was worse than he could have ever imagined.

“He loves you,” Rowan said, even though they broke his own heart.

“Yes.” Lyria’s reply came out with a sob.

“And do you love him?” At this point Rowan felt as though he was digging his own grave, each question and answer taking him deeper.

Another sob tore from Lyria and Rowan’s heart betrayed him, forgetting about his own pain and anger. All he wanted to do was hold his wife, kiss her and dry her tears, tell her none of it mattered. But still, he held back. He wanted to hear the answer first.

“No,” Lyria said but it lacked conviction. “I don’t know. But I know that I love you more.”

“That’s no consolation prize there, Ria,” Rowan said bitterly.

Lyria didn’t say anything, she just continued to cry and now was rubbing her stomach. Rowan had done that countless times, he had felt that baby move, talked to them, assured them that no matter what as their father he would always be there. But now…

That final question loomed in front of him, ready to drag him over the precipice of no return. Despite it all, Rowan couldn’t explain how the smile appeared on his face as he readied to say the words that could potentially haunt him for the rest of his life. He wouldn’t ask directly, he couldn't. Instead he’d delay the swing of the axe.

“Do you know?” He was a coward for delaying. “Do you know who the father is?”

Lyria nodded tears cascading over her cheeks, he watched them fall one after the other as she nodded, and he could tell her lies had reached their end. Hoping, more than believing that she was resolute in giving him an answer.

Rowan’s voice was so hollow he barely recognised it in his own ears as he said, “Tell me.”

~~~~~

There was a sturdy knock at the door and Aelin pushed Fleetfoot off her lap as she went to answer it. The food had arrived much quicker than she thought, she was always far too impatient to watch the actual delivery process on her phone. She tended to just get angry at the route her driver made or yelled when the wait time would randomly fluctuate. So instead she would place her order and just wait for the text. Aelin smiled at the prospect at take-out arriving, though on her way she realised that she hadn’t actually received the text indicating it was in fact here. Shrugging to herself as she swung the door open, assuming that the delivery guy had just forgotten. However, that smile fell when she saw who stood in her doorway.

It was Rowan.

~~~~~

Yeah, I'm definitely the worst. This one seems short but I promise the next one will make up for it. 

Tags: @fucking-winchester-trash​ // @literary-licorice​ // @galyxsy // @tangledraysofsunshine​ // @highqueenofelfhame​ // @3am-reading​ // @soup-that-is-too-hawt​ // @aelinfire-bringer​ // @nalgenewhore​ // @highladyofthesith // @http-itsrebecca​ // @sleep-and-books​ // @alifletcher2012​ // @westofmoon​ // @sleeping-and-books​ // @ttakeitbacknoww​ // @armixers-unite // @mariamuses​ // @chocolate-eating-bitch-queen​ // @velarian-trash​ // @queenofxhearts​ // @heroesofterrasen​ // @highladyofstoriesandmusic​ // @empire-of-wildfire​ // @camerooonchiu​ // @crackedship​ // @lowhangingtreebranches​ // @over300books​ // @yourwhisperingshadows​ // @thesirenwashere​ // @tswaney17​ // @impossiblescissorspeachpaper​ // @cat5313​ // @judelovescardan​ // @flowerspringsea​ // @chaoticskyy​ // @the-regal-warrior​ // @fanfictrash3000​ // @blueeyes425​ // @starseternalnighttriumphant​ // @bamchickawowow​ // @thehuntressofmoon // @giorgia-the-trashpanda​ // @flora-and-fae​ // @thereaderandfangirl​ // @illyrian-bookworm​ // @chemicha​ // @meltalgel-ig​ // @gay-book-nerd // @that-odd-puzzle-piece​ // @i-love-all-books // @in-love-with-caramel-macchiato​ // @girl-who-reads-the-books​ // @hizqueen4life​ // @the-third-me​ // @queen-of-glass​ // @bestmelle​ // @cursebreaker29​ // @b00kworm​ // @superspiritfestival​ // @aesthetics-11​ // @maastrash​ // @mynewdreamwasyou​ // @the-last-apprentice​ // @charincharge​ // @firestarsandseneschals​ // @scarznstars​ // @absolute-dissapointment // @thesurielships​ // @df3ndyr​ // @trinitybailey2003 // @hellasblessed​ // @booknerdproblems​ // @rowaelin-cressworth​ // @sevenfreckles-for-sevenloves // @rolltide7​ // @scandinavianromantic​ // @tillyrubes10​ // @starwarsslytherin​ // @minaidss // @paytin77​ // @jesstargaryenqueen​ // @anntheintrovert​ // @starbornvalkyrie​ // @loudphantomdragon​ // @woollycat22​ // @claralady​ // @perseusannabeth​ // @fangirlprincess09​ // @maddymelv // @sierrareads​ // @more-espresso-less-depresso-xx // @jlinez​ // @lysandra-ghost-leopard​ // @rowaelinismyotp​ // @pullnpeeltwizzlers​ // @anne-reads​ // @jadeaffliction​ // @gracie-rosee​ // @elriel4life​ // @miserablesmusings​ // @tothestarswholistentodreamers // @littleboxofthunder​ // @empress-ofbloodshed​ // @booksbqueen​ // @rowanwhitethornisbae​ // @aelin-queen-of-terrasen​ // @alyx801​ // @amandaswallowtail​ // @louiseleblancdiggory​ // @abookishfreak​ // @danibutterr​ // @thegreyj​ // @thenerdandfandoms​ // @castielspelvis​ // @swankii-art-teacher​ // @grandma-noob-lord​ // @vanzetanze​ // @lizzyfirebringer // // @endlessdaydream​ // @magnifique1807​ // @sis-it-dont-add-up​ // @thenerdfandoms​ // @post-it-notes33​ // @ae-lingalathynius​ // @whythefuckdoiexist​ // @highlady-brittney​ // @story-scribbler​ //

[jimlingss]

hi!! for the requests, could I suggest hoseok, fluff, fake dating au, and the sentence 'I’ve been in love with you since we were kids.' thank you!

↳ Humdrum Amore

2.7k || 100% Fluff || Jung Hoseok

“I never thought I’d come back here one day.”

You stare at the brown building that you once dreaded. The same structure that you had to drag your feet into every morning five days a week after your dad dropped you off. But instead of feeling apprehension, there’s a sense of prickling nostalgia while you look at the building.

“Same.” The man beside you exhales, staring at the green field, the brown doors and small windows covered by blinds. “But it’s not all that bad, right?”

You turn to Hoseok who looks sharp in his simple suit and tie ensemble. You’ve seen him in the same clothes plenty of times, but while you’re wearing your red dress and you’re lingering in front of the school, it feels like the two of you have returned to being awkward eighteen year olds nervously going to prom together as friends.

But Hoseok eases you. “Come on.”

He takes your hand, a gesture you still aren’t used to, and tugs you inside.

The moment the doors are open, you follow the signs leading to the gymnasium and you’re met with a table of refreshments and goody bags. But more importantly, there are people already mingling in all corners. Some are wandering while most have gathered into groups to reminisce. There are those that you recognize and those whose faces have long faded in your memories. 

High school. A time of pubescent years, of growing up and trying to prove yourselves while figuring out your future. You have mixed feelings about that time. All you know is that you’re glad it’s over.

“Y/N?” There’s a higher pitched voice to the left and you turn to see Tiffany approaching with a wide smile. “Hoseok?! Oh my god, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you guys! How are you?”

You hug her for a second. “It’s good. You?”

“Yeah.” She exhales as if she can’t believe you’re together again and you admit, it is surreal. There was definitely a difference from glancing at someone’s post, status and updates on social media and seeing them in person. “It’s been great. I didn’t know if you were coming to this reunion or not.”

You smile, glancing at Hoseok. He was right about coming. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Someone walks by with a tray of cheap champagne and all three of you take a glass, thanking the waiter. Tiffany sips her drink and gets down to the nitty-gritty. “So tell me, what do you do now?”

You brace yourself, knowing this was coming. “I’m working as an embryologist at a fertility lab.”

“That’s so cool!” Her eyes widen and she genuinely appears fascinated. “It sounds super fancy.”

You laugh, concealing the note of awkwardness in your voice. Tiffany doesn’t know that it sounds much better than it actually is. It’s an entire step down from being a family doctor, an occupation which you once said was your dream. And she has no clue that you’re struggling under your strict manager, that you just received a cut in pay and your hours are strenuous.

But you don’t dare show your exhaustion. Or your discontentment.

You keep flashing a bright smile.

Everyone in high school expected you to do great, that you would go somewhere, do something. You were the smart one. The hard-working one. There’s always been a certain burden of expectations on your shoulders from your parents to your teachers, and perhaps that’s where the need to prove yourself to your former peers stems. If they knew how mundane and regular and normal you turned out — instead of being the successful achiever — you’re sure their disappointment would have a bigger effect on you more than you’d ever admit. 

And maybe that’s why Hoseok offered to pretend to be your partner for the night after you grieved about not being with anyone, when you struggled to find a plus one. He knows you best after all.

“What are you doing?” you ask Tiffany, and she hesitates, looking down at her drink for a second.

“Actually, I’m in-between jobs at the moment.” She musters a smile. “The economy sucks right now.”

You sympathize. “Yeah, I know what you mean. It’s hard to find a job these days.”

Tiffany turns to Hoseok and when she asks what he’s been up to, he says, “Nothing much. I’m working in IT as a development manager for this company.”

“Oh, that’s super cool too!” She’s about to ask something, but then her eyes incidentally stray downwards. You follow her line of sight, realizing that she’s looking at the way you’re holding hands with Hoseok.

“We’re...actually dating now,” you explain.

Instantaneously, Tiffany brightens. “You guys started dating after high school? When?!”

You laugh awkwardly. “Two...three years ago?” It doesn’t sound terribly convincing, so you try a second time, standing your ground. “Two, I think.” It falls a bit short, but she doesn’t notice. 

No. Tiffany absolutely gushes. “That’s so cute! Oh my god! I always thought you’d both be good together!”

That has you taken aback. The relief of getting away with your lie and not being caught gets overtaken by surprise. “Really?”

“Well yeah. You were always close friends and everyone,” she emphasizes the word by drawing it out, “knew Hoseok had a huge crush on you.”

This was news to you.

But Hoseok outright ignores your stare in favour of smiling at your old friend and holding up your interlaced hands by your heads as if it’s a trophy. “Well, looks like I got the girl in the end.”

“Are you gonna propose any time soon then?”

There’s a glint of mischief in Hoseok’s eye. “Maybe.”

He’s way too good at lying. You’re starting to get convinced this is real.

“Aw, I wish I was at this honeymoon stage again. Everything’s so sweet and cute.”

Speaking of which. “Where’s Nick?” you ask.

Tiffany deflates slightly at the question and you wonder if you said something wrong. You don’t understand until she says, “Oh….yeah...we decided to split up a few months ago.”

“Really?” You would’ve never expected it. From what you remember, they were one of the few high school sweethearts that actually made it in the long run, a couple that you used to be jealous of at sixteen. They ended up getting married too and you saw pictures of them traveling together a year ago. Who knew what her life was actually like behind the scenes. “I’m...so sorry, Tiffany.”

“It’s alright. Life happens, I guess, but it all worked out in the end and we both have joined custody of Sunny. It gets messy sometimes but as long as she’s happy, I am too.” She smiles softly and then nods. “Well, it was really nice to catch up with you two. I’m happy to hear you’re going out. Better put a ring on this one before you lose her, Jung.”

“I will,” he promises.

Tiffany leaves to catch up with a girl she knew from choir, so you both bid your goodbyes. But somehow, the conversation leaves a bad taste in your mouth. 

After greeting a few more old friends and acquaintances, you leave to the hallway. 

The nostalgia slams into you, stronger than before. If you stare long enough, you can picture the hall crammed with your classmates, how you ran from class to class, sat in the desks, bored out of your mind and at times, stressed. The walls and rooms hold so many of your memories without them knowing. And that in itself makes you feel old and gray, even though you aren’t.

Not yet, at least. Hoseok always reassures you that you have another good thirty years before you’re allowed to call yourself old.

Said man glances at your expression and reads it like an open book. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” You sigh. “It’s just….I don’t know. I was trying to save face this entire time and I even went as far as to lie about our relationship.”

“You didn’t do it alone. I lied too.”

“Yeah, but I wanted this.” You shake your head, slowly rounding a corner and making your way down what you remember as the science corridor. “People probably have more going on with themselves than to care what I’m up to. I don’t know why I was so scared about what they would think about me.” 

The corner of his mouth curls, and he nudges you with his elbow. “It’s high school.”

You lightly scoff but a smile tickles at your lips. “I just feel bad. Tiffany was so honest about herself, and she wasn’t ashamed about how her life turned out, not like I am.”

“No one turned out how they expected themselves to,” he hums in a thoughtful tone while glancing at the bulletin board tacked with handmade flyers for clubs. “It’s okay if you didn’t end saving the planet or finding the cure to cancer.”

You snort and soften. “Yeah.”

Hoseok always knows what to say to make you feel better.

“Look!” The peaceful moment is interrupted by the sheer volume of his voice. He points down the hall. “Our old lockers!”

You laugh, quickening your steps with his. The lockers are not technically yours anymore, they haven’t been for a long time and have probably been through tens of students since. Even right now, there are unfamiliar locks that keep them closed. But you still remember which one was yours.

You stand in front of it and Hoseok stands in front of his which is only three lockers down from yours.

The pair of you look at one another, exchanging grins. “Remember when I kept your math textbook for you since you were too lazy to put it away and we had to toss it to each other every morning?”

“Yeah. I never missed once.” He laughs and it’s a bubbly sound that’s exactly the same as back then. “Remember that time Taehyung stuffed himself inside my locker and we locked him in?”

You burst out laughing. “We almost got into trouble by Mr. Min!”

“Yep. That old man was always trying to pick on kids.”

“Except for that time Jimin launched that cake across the hall and it landed on some poor girl. He was nowhere to be found.”

Hoseok grins and comes over to lean on the blue locker next to yours, crossing his arms like he’s waiting for you before you’re late for the bell.

A sentimental feeling that is both wistful and happy washes you over again. You can recall those years as if they were yesterday. Namely, Hoseok would always be there when you closed your locker door, in the exact same position, staring at you with that identical warm expression. You don’t know a lot of your old high school friends anymore, don’t know what they’re doing or if they’ll come. It’s a natural progression of life, of going different paths and naturally drifting apart. 

But Hoseok has always been your side. Since then till now.

“So.” You turn to him. “What’s this about everyone knowing you had a crush on me?”

Hoseok goes wide-eyed and says nothing for a moment. Then he scratches the back of his neck. “Just stupid kid stuff.”

You raise a brow and hum. “Didn’t sound like stupid kid stuff. How long did you even like me for?”

“I don’t know. Why?”

“I’m curious.” You shrug. “I never heard about this before.”

Hoseok is embarrassed, that much is obvious. You can tell by the way he’s brushing around the subject, not looking you in the eyes, how much he’s hesitating. It’s not like him and that makes you even more intrigued. “A while.”

Maybe you shouldn’t push him so much when he doesn’t want to talk about it. But for some reason, there’s a burning desire inside of you to know. After all, you thought you knew all of your best friend’s secrets.

“What’s a while?”

“Like sixth grade?”

Your jaw drops. “So when we met?”

“Yeah..?” Hoseok seems unsure and he’s staring at the other wall as if it’s the most interesting thing he’s ever seen. There’s nothing but a dirty shoe print on it. “Something like that.”

Now it’s your turn to be perplexed. Although, for an entirely different kind of reason. “But why?”

He turns his head, as if sensing you’re about to self-deprecate yourself. “You’re funny and smart and pretty, Y/N. Everyone liked you,” Hoseok explains it as if it’s factual and your cheeks grow warm.

You suck in your cheek, fiddling with the fabric of your dress. “Then why didn’t you ever tell me you liked me?”

“I was awkward and I was too scared you’d reject me,” he exhales and you glance at him to find an unreadable expression. Perhaps he’s uncomfortable at the idea now that he’s grown out of it and he knows you too well. Or maybe...just maybe...he’s filled with regret.

You shake off the thought before your imagination runs wild.

You’re about to drop the subject once and for all, but as you turn away, the quiet mutter slips from your mouth, “I wouldn’t have.”

Hoseok catches it. 

He freezes completely and when you realize he’s not following you back to the gymnasium, you turn around. “Earth to Hoseok. What’s wrong?” 

“What about now?”

“What?”

His expression is blank aside from the slight furrow of his brow. It’s not often Hoseok’s entirely serious and you’re caught off guard by his demeanour. He closes the distance in three strides and asks, “If I asked you out now, if I said I wanted to date you for real, would you reject me?”

His gaze is dark. Intense. As if he’s mustered up the courage he’s built for years for this very moment. 

Your mouth opens, eyes unable to look away from him and your voice pipes out a timid— “no.”

In an instant, Hoseok’s mouth is on yours. Your back slams against the lockers as he cradles your cheeks in his palms, tilting his head to capture your lips carefully yet eagerly. You whine in his grasps and quickly reciprocate, moving your mouth against his. It’s soft, warm and comforting. Hoseok has always been comforting to you. A slow burn rather than a bursting firework that eventually fades away. A warm bonfire that’s built from the first spark rather than a forest wildfire that ultimately burns out after consuming everything. 

You’ve always loved him. But perhaps it wasn’t always purely platonic like you thought. At least not until tonight where that’s been challenged.

Hoseok's body is firm and warm against yours. His knee is placed between your thighs and you loop your arms around his neck to get him even closer. Your senses are filled with his cologne, the lingering scent of his shaving cream and shampoo. Hoseok tastes like the champagne he drank and you’re beginning to feel dizzy from it. That or you’re running out of breath.

You whimper rather pathetically, but he doesn’t let up. Not until you push at his shoulder and he has to gather his self-restraint to part from you. 

You’re left panting heavily against him, lips swollen and Hoseok exhales before laughing. “I’ve always wanted to do that.” 

You grin. “Always?”

“I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. Practically.”

Never would you have thought Hoseok would kiss you against your lockers. It’s another memory you’re making in these walls even after years of graduating. But you’d like a second time to make up for all the others, so you start to tug Hoseok’s tie to get him closer again—

“Hey!” 

There’s an ear-splitting shout and the two of you flinch, whirling around to the end of the hall.

“You’re supposed to be in the gymnasium!” Old man Mr. Min is bumbling towards you with a cane, his voice surprisingly still full of power even when he looks like a sack of bones.

“Sorry!” You duck your head and before he can catch you, your hand entwines with Hoseok’s. The two of you dash down the hall as if you were still trouble-making high-schoolers.

Hoseok mutters in complete shock, “He’s still alive?!”

And you laugh, squeezing his hand just a bit tighter.

You return to the reunion and your heart is a bit lighter knowing this time, you don’t have to lie.

[pagingevilspawn]

how's your heart after breaking mine?

ts x jolex week 21

day one: fearless - mr. perfectly fine (taylor's verion) (from the vault)

wc: 2.5k

pairing: Jo Wilson/Alex Karev. Alex Karev/Izzie Steven (mentioned)

summary: years after they last saw each other, jo and alex reunite at a conference, and while she is still struggling from her heartache, he seems to be mr. perfectly fine.

rating: general audiences

category: angst.

warnings: angst, no happy ending, alcohol consumption.

A/N: guess who finished this just now? me. that's who. I was actually working on this one long before the announcement for this event came out, but it gave me the motivation to continue this! Alex is unintentionally an ass in this and for that, i’m sorry. Anyways… hope you enjoy! (first part's pretty crappy, but after that it gets better.)

(this was also proofread, like...once, so of there are a plethora of errors i apologize)

____

The absolute last thing Jo wanted right now was to attend a medical conference in Salt Lake City, Utah. There were multiple reasons why she should’ve said no. One; she had just started her second year of her OB GYN residency a few weeks prior, and there were a very limited number of lectures on her new line of study where she was headed. Two; she now held an absolute hatred for the Seattle Tacoma International Airport, since it was the place where her ex-husband stood before her, placed a soft kiss on her lips and promised to see her in a couple of weeks, lying to her face about seeing his mother in Iowa, when in reality he was going to see his ex-wife and kids, never really planning on returning home.

It was ironic really; how not even two years ago, she was standing in front of gate 48, saying goodbye to him, and now she stood in the same spot, in front of the exact same gate, with him nowhere near her side as she glared up at the same exact entrance she last saw him at.

(She also now hated the number forty-eight)

But, since Meredith had been hounding her non-stop about attending this event, she gave in. Because how was she supposed to say no to the woman who had barely survived the pandemic? Along with a plethora of other things she was too lazy to memorize. (The answer was that she couldn’t. She felt guilty for leaving Meredith behind for OB, so she now did whatever her former mentor wanted, even if more than two years had passed) If Meredith Grey asked for something, Meredith Grey got it. She was turning back into the intern who cried fake tears and would do anything to earn her approval, and Jo was not a fan.

“It’ll be good for you Wilson. You need to leave that loft of your’s and go somewhere Wilson, blah blah blah,” she mutters to herself as she shows the attendant her ticket, not even bothering to return the smile, settling on brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear instead. The messy bun on the top of her head bounced in place, and she felt like a college student after a night of studying, but rather than books tucked under her arm it was a neck pillow and a carry-on.

She shuffles into her seat, thankful that it was an aisle one before letting her eyes shut, trying to catch a wink of sleep in an attempt to make up for the less than few hours she had gotten the night before. It proves to be unsuccessful, because the businessman sitting next to her ate his chips so loud she had to restrain herself from coiling into herself every time a chip crunched beneath his teeth, and the toddler behind her continuously managed to kick her seat, no matter how many times his mother told him to stop.

After three hours of loud chewing, seat kicking, and crying babies, she lands in Salt Lake, taking in a deep breath when she finally escapes the crowded airport and is met with humid air. She picks up her rental car, and arrives at her hotel not long after, immediately tossing her bags into the corner and sprawling onto the bed. Eventually, she moves to unpack her clothes and other necessities, casting a glance at the clock which read 10:37.

Taking a look around the room, she decided that nothing more needs to be done; all of her makeup is laid out for the morning, and what she chose to wear is already hanging up in the closet, freshly ironed and wrinkle-free. She yawns, crawling under the covers and flicking off the light, sleep coming easily.

When she wakes up the next morning to her alarm clock going off, she’s freshly rested and in a better mood than she normally was when she had to wake up before nine. The early morning sun beats down onto her face, and she knows that if she wanted to get to the first lecture on time, she needed to start getting ready sooner rather than later.

With a sigh, she begrudgingly gets out of bed, hopping in a quick shower and changing into her clothes. She adds some soft waves to her hair, in the hopes that it made her look more put together than she felt. It didn’t seem that just because she got hours of sleep made up for the fact that she would rather be curled up in the soft sheets of her bed at home than the stiff ones the hotel provided.

It doesn’t take long until she’s arrived in the lobby, where doctors all around her were dressed in firmly pressed suits and skirts. Tables advertising different events throughout the day were lined up and down the hallways, fellow surgeons and mentees passing out little pamphlets with information about their courses littering the pages.

Jo passes by a few stands displaying lectures on the OBGYN field, mentally making a list of the ones she would like to attend.

A quick glance to her watch tells her that the first item on her list was starting soon, and with that she dumps the now-empty coffee cup she had ordered a few minutes prior as a pick-me-up, and shuffles into the seat of the auditorium, the chairs around her filling up quicker than she expects.

It’s only a few minutes later Dr. Maria Cavanaugh steps out onto the stage, silencing the crowd after a round of applause. Jo leans back into her seat, feeling grateful that Meredith had pushed her to go to this conference.

If her whole weekend is spent listening to experts talk and teach about her new specialty, she thinks she’s going to enjoy it.

____

It’s hours and a multitude of lectures later when she exits another grand room, fellow surgeons beside her chatting about the new information they’d acquired. She feels a small smile grace her lips as she realizes that the excited squeals could only come from the med school students that had been invited from the nearby college.

She pulls out her phone, seeing a text from Link and Meredith, both along the lines of that they hoped she arrived safely and that she enjoyed her time away from home. She responds, pocketing her phone and making her way to the hotel bar, settling into one of the few empty seats and ordering a whiskey sour, thanking the bartender when it's placed in front of her not even a minute later.

She sips the drink slowly, feeling some leftover tenseness from sitting all day leave her body as the alcohol starts to flow through her veins. She was far from drunk, but even saying tipsy felt like too much of a stretch.

Pleasantly buzzed, she decides on, taking another sip of her drink, making a brief second of eye contact with a man on the other end of the bar. He raises her glass with a slight nod of his head, and she does the same. She’s tempted to continue; take use of the way the man’s making subtle glances to the seat next to him when her ears pick up another conversion from a few feet away, freezing her in place, glass nearly dropping to the floor.

“Do you want anything?”

“Just a water’s fine. I’m gonna go talk to Dr. Conwell about some of the research her and her team were talking about.”

She turns in her seat, against her better judgment. She watches as he kisses her cheek before leaning against the bar’s counter a few feet away.

She feels as if ice had just been dropped down her back —frozen in place, unable to move as she watches Alex drum his fingers on the dark wood, head nodding along to the soft tune playing through the speakers. He grabs his drinks from the bartender; two waters, one with ice and one without, about to walk towards the woman he was with earlier when he spots her.

“Jo?” he questions, blinking multiple times as if to see if it was really her, and not a trick of the light.

She wants to run when he makes his way over to her. She wants to run, and scream, and throw her drink in his face. But instead, she places a tight, thin smile on her lips and acts as if nothing was wrong.

“Alex, hi!” She turns to face him, her voice too high for her enthusiasm to be true, but if he knows it he doesn’t make any move to show it.

He runs a hand through his hair —it's longer than the last time she saw it, a bit of grey speckled in so lightly that it wouldn’t be noticeable to someone who wasn’t looking.”I uh, I didn't know you’d be here.”

She wants to roll her eyes, but refrains. “Well,” she spins her drink with the straw, watching as the ice cubes clink against the glass “The feeling’s mutual.”

“How are you?” He asks after a few beats of silence, and she wants nothing more than to yell at him that he couldn’t talk to her like this —like they were old friends who had lost contact after a while, and were due for a catch up. Because they weren’t old friends. They were so far from friends that someone could build a bridge with the amount of space they had between them.

“Fine,” she lies through her teeth, her heart nearly beating out of her chest in nervousness. She was worried that she was going to break down at any second, spew the words that she had said to Carly in anger at him if he looked at her any longer as if things were okay between them.

“You?” she questions, not interested in the answer, sipping her drink similarly to how she had the night of Bailey’s wedding, the unwelcome memory of the start of their relationship blossoming to the front of her mind.

He sips his water, “Good. I’ve been good.”

With his hand clasped around the glass she catches sight of the pristine, shiny gold ring that sits on his fourth finger, and she has to fight back the growing lump in her throat that threatens to escape.

“Congrats,” she says instead, eyebrows pinched together as she nods towards the ring, a tell that always told whether or not her words rang true.

He seems to have forgotten that, and takes her words as a compliment. He gives her a small smile, “Thanks.”

Jo wants to laugh, because this was so far from the Alex Karev she had known, the man in front of her unfamiliar and so, so different from the one she married years ago. The Alex she knew would’ve never ordered a water instead of a beer, or act as if everything was okay between them when it was so far from it.

He’d changed, and she couldn’t say that she liked it.

“How are the kids?” she asks, and she can tell that she’s surprised him. He looks taken aback for a moment, before smiling gently and reaching into his pocket for his phone. “They’re great,” he says, pulling up a photo of them, the twins smiling brightly into the camera.

“That was at their birthday party last week,” he explains, and she notices the large 7 balloons that are floating in the background.

“He looks like you,” she comments about the boy. He grins, and she wants nothing more than to slap him for not being able to see that she’s so obviously hurting, that her heart is breaking inside of her chest. That she selfishly wants him to say that he made a mistake, that he was in love with her, not Izzie. But her life wasn’t a trashy romance novel, and even if it was, Alex was never one to admit to his faults, his pride and ego too large to have it bruised in such a way.

She had always wondered what he had been up to after he had left. If he was okay. She’d imagined different futures for him, some including Izzie and the kids, some of them not. She’s even naively envisioned ones with her and the children they had always talked about having one day.

Somedays, when she was feeling worse for wear, she had wished that he was miserable —that he and Izzie weren’t together and as far as they went communication-wise was a phone call to see who had the kids that week; that he was as alone and bitter as she was.

But instead, here he was, Mr. Perfectly Fine. The man who had looked her in the eyes and told her he would never go away.

Here he was, Mr. Perfectly Fine. Married to the woman he had left her for, a shiny gold ring on his finger instead of neat, polished wood.

For the past two years she’d been picking up the pieces of herself that he had shattered and left behind, only just starting to put herself back together, and here he was, Mr. Perfectly Fine. While she was piecing together her shattered heart, he was picking up her, the woman he had left her for.

She had thought that he was different from the rest; different from everyone who had ever left her. But he wasn’t —the man she had thought was so different was so exactly the same as everyone else.

“I’m sorry, Jo.” he says, and she has the urge to laugh —laugh because he wasn’t sorry, she could tell. He was sorry that he left her and caused her pain, sure. But he wasn’t sorry that he had done it, that he had married Izzie again and lived with her and his kids on a farm in the middle of Kansas. He wasn’t sorry about that at all.

Mr. Insincere Apology so he didn’t look like the bad guy.

She acts as if she believes him, giving him another tight smile, and lies through her teeth once more. “It’s fine Alex. It’s in the past.”

Jo checks phone, making a face when she ‘realizes’ the time, eager to get out of there as soon as she could. “I need to go, early morning,” she fibs, and she internally rolls her eyes at how he believes her. While he seemed to have forgotten everything about her, she still remembers every detail about him.

“It was nice seeing you again Jo,” he’s playing with the sleeves of his jacket and his eyes meet hers, and for less than a second it’s almost enough to break her resolve.

Another tight smile graces her lips, and she begins to walk away when her body fights her mind and she finds herself leaning down, her lips against his ear.

“I’m glad it was worth it, Alex.”

Her voice is harsh and bitter, yet broken, and she doesn’t need to look at him to know that his face has fallen, and he’s realized that everything she’d told him that night was a lie. She turns and lets the tears fall silently, making her way back up to her room with a head full of thoughts about her ex-husband, about Alex Karev.

About Mr. Perfectly Fine.

____

@thejolexgroupchat #tsjolexweek21

[aerialflight]

Fic Recs (cause it's always nice to give a shout out and get people into things I'm into rn)

[The Magnus Archives] (I recently finished the podcast and I fell into a hole for a while so here you go)

Sing a Song of Sixpence by Kaiel

Ship: Jon/Martin

In which Jonathan Sims is a Siren, and he fails to notice any new abilities granted to him by the position of Archivist. Or really anything about the Entities at all.

Takes place in season 1 featuring Jonah Magnus’s slow decent into madness

(The new mythology interwoven with tma's worldbuilding is so freaking good and I love how all the characters change and develop because of these changes. Also, f you Elias)

Along Came a Spider by Dribbledscribbles

Ship: implied Jon/Martin

Sasha James is the Archivist, as expected. Martin Blackwood is menaced by Jane Prentiss, as expected. Elias Bouchard weaves his web, as expected.

All goes as it should.

At least until something calling itself Jonathan Sims steps in.

(Web!Jon in this makes me want to weep, it's so freaking good. A pretty long, very excellent oneshot on what could've happened if Jon got taken by the web when he was a kid. And Sasha as the Archivist is ALWAYS so cool, we love her in this house.)

A Break in the Clouds by Ash_Rabbit

“I’m eight.” the kid sniffs as if eight was any different from four, maybe not an unspeakable horror then, just a regular horror. “And I heard that the Magnus Institute deals with-” his little nose scrunches, cute. “-spooky things.”

“Do you have a-” he cracks a grin, and then rethinks it as small hands tighten against their burden.”-spooky thing to deliver?” gods he hopes not, it’s bad enough when adults walk in and lay out all of their baggage, but for a child-

“There’s a spider in this book.” the kid says solemnly, raising his textbook sized parcel. “It ate Evan Pritchard.” a bloody fucking Leitner. Of course an eight year old would find a murder spider book. “This seemed like the best place to bring it.”

(I never thought about what the Original Elias could've been like AND NOW I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE OF THIS FIC. I LOVE HIM, HE'S COMPLEX AND HE CARES AND JON CARES AND THEY BOTH CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. THIS IS THE CONTENT I WANT, OMG. Also, Jon being even smaller than usual is adorable, so cute. No wonder Elias wants to hug him, a LOT.)

See the Line where the Sky meets the Sea by The_Floating_World

Ship: Jon/Martin, Jon/Oliver Banks

When Jon is a child he looks into the infinite abyss of space. The Vast looks back into him.

(One of my all time fave fics in this fandom, no questions asked. I have reread this three times and am open to doing it again, god. Vast!Jon, such a concept. It's written so beautifully and the relationships Jon develops, so good. ugh. My heart. Please please read.)

Sweet As Roses by Prim_the_Amazing

Ship: Jon/Martin

“Come in, Martin,” he says, not looking up from his notes.

“Hi, Jon,” he says, and Jon stops writing at the sound of his voice. “We’re out of the green tea, but we’ve got lemon?”

Jon looks at him. Martin smiles at him in his usual tentative way as he sets the mug of tea down on Jon’s desk. Heat spikes so sharply in his gut that he twitches with it.

“Thank you, Martin,” he says, mouth dry, and he stands up.

“Oh,” he says, sounding almost surprised. He smiles again. “No-- no problem-- um, what are you--”

Jon takes Martin by the shoulders, leans up on the tips of his toes, and kisses him.

(You have no idea how much I howled through this fic, my god. *buries face in hands* The number of times I wanted to cry from sheer hilarity and horror reading this good lord.)

Things Could Always Be Worse by theOestofOCs

Ship: Jon/Martin, Georgie/Melanie

Sometimes, the most horrifying thing of all is what might have been.

Somewhere, Jon could swear he heard a crowd laughing.

Or: in which Jonathan Sims is forced to swap places with his alternate self—a tall, chivalrous hero extraordinaire, who knows neither fear nor nuance—and is sent to the aggressively straight alternate universe the Magnus Archives was never meant to be.

“Whatever place this is,” Jon announced, “I just want to be sure it knows I hate it.”

(I will say this once, THIS IS THE MOST CURSED THING IVE EVER READ EVER. Like holy hell. I can't believe this thing exists. please read it oh please please please)

-

[Supernatural]

heard from your mother (she don't recognize you) by Schmuzz

Ship: Dean/Cas, Jessica/Sam

A man named Cas wakes up in 2003 with no memories, but he's able to piece together a few things:

1. Supernatural creatures exist, and most of them will hurt innocent civilians if he doesn't stop them; 2. He has abilities that no human hunter should have, but he knows enough about human hunters to keep that to himself, and finally; 3. He keeps running into another hunter named Dean Winchester, who seems to be about as lonely as he is if he's willing to put up with those former facts long enough to help Cas unravel the mystery of who (or what) he really is.

For his part, Dean's still (not) dealing with Sam's departure to Stanford, and figures distracting himself with a bit of mystery and intrigue is as harmless as it gets, right? Right.

(THE fic I'm most into right now, been following this from the very start and it's AMAZING. Cas has agency and is making friends and S1 Dean is growing out of John's influence and is becoming a Person and the both of them first being friends then more. The slow burn as their relationship develops, SO GOOD. SO SO DAMN GOOD. *screams* Seriously one of the best spn fics I've read in a long, long time.)

anamnesis by cenotaphy

Ships: Castiel/Dean, Sam/Eileen

Chuck is depowered, Jack is the new god, and the world is free. Dean and Sam get into the Impala and chase down the miles on an endless highway, and their story is finally, finally their own to follow. At least, that's what Dean tells himself. But the diners and motels and painted interstate lines are blurring together and the smallest details keep catching at his brain like tiny fishhooks and he can't quite shake the feeling that not everything is exactly as it should be.

* Fix-it/alternate series finale. Canon-compliant through the end of 15.19.

(THIS IS THE FIC THAT GOT ME THROUGH THE FINALE OKAY. WHY COULDN'T THIS HAVE BEEN CANON. It's Disturbing and honestly plot-wise this makes more sense. Why couldn't we have had this. *screams*)

-

[Avatar: The Last Airbender]

where the stars do not take sides by WitchofEndor

Ship: Sokka/Zuko

When Azula is nine, she becomes an only child. She hears the Fire Lord call for Zuko's life, and in the morning, her mother and brother are gone. Azula may be young, but she isn't naive. She knows what happened to them.

Which makes it all the more surprising when Azula tracks the Avatar down and fights his group of peasant friends, only to find herself staring into an eerily familiar face.

(The fact one of the tags in this fic is, "Sibling Dynamic: Fucked Up But Wholesome" should give you an idea what this fic is like. Chaotic as HELL and I just love Azula here, she loves Zuko so much in her messed up way and Zuko loves her back in the exact same way lol. It's batshit and I am Here For This.)

-

[Naruto]

Eclipse by AislingRoisin (JayBird345) for HybrisAnaideia

Ship: Nara Shikaku/OFC

"In life, it's easier to remain stagnant and wallow in your troubles. But life isn't merely about continued existence, nor is it meant to be gone through alone."

(This is a fic that's slept on and I NEED people to read this. A self-insert fic that I find really interesting in its approach and the worldbuilding for the post-third war shinobi world is fantastic. I feel like there's a certain pattern with self-insert fics, not that is a detriment in any way to how much I enjoy them, so this fic feels fresh to me in a way I haven't read in a while. I am waiting eagerly for this to get updated! Please read!)

On Freedom and Other Formalities by iaso

Ship: Kakashi/Genma/OFC

When push comes to shove, Hiwa Inuzuka doesn't go down easy. Reborn into a new, dangerous world? She puts her past life as a spy to work. Thrown into a war? Hiwa does her duty, for Konoha. And when she's forced into an arranged marriage? All there is to do is beat them to the punch and get married first. Thankfully, Genma Shiranui is willing to lend a hand. Literally. SI/OC

(Listen, LISTEN, it's about the slow burn, the longing, the communication (it both has and hasn't and isn't THAT great??), the messy way you fit three very different people together, it's so freaking good! Also, Kakashi is so Chaotic here this is my fave characterization of him, you can't change my mind. And Genma is a Good Boi who is Doing His Best, along with the Self-insert character who I LOVE SO MUCH, SHE'S FANTASTIC FNEIWOPAF. Sped past this fic in the speed of light, I could not stop reading!)(Honestly, read all of the author's fics, they're all really REALLY good!)

Building a Castle by WhisperingDarkness

Without needing anyone to tell her, Sakura knew that talking to someone no-one else could see or hear would make her weird. It would draw the bad kind of attention to her, something people could make fun of her for.

She didn’t like being weird, but she did like the voice. Her inner voice was helpful and it was a part of her that had always been there. The idea of it not being there would have been so much weirder than anything else.

It was during her first year at the Academy that Sakura realised the voice was not in her head at all, but that it came from a cloudy shape floating next to her.

(Basically a short-ish retelling of Hikaru no Go. Only with more Shogi and Nara and Ninja's)

(Sakura can see ghosts (I'm noticing this is a popular trope for her) and it's really cute haha! Her relationship with Tobirama is sweet and I just enjoyed reading this so much.)

-

[The Magicians]

So Long (And Thanks For All The Books) by IncompleteSentanc (Erava)

Ships: Quentin/Eliot, James/Julia, Quentin/Margo/Eliot

When Quentin is told Julia wasn't admitted to Brakebills, he realizes he has a drastic decision in front of him. If he tells Julia about magic, he'll have his mind wiped as well as hers. But he can't just leave her behind, either. He can't lose his best friend, and he can't let her life a life with her magical potential stolen away from her.

So he makes a third choice.

(Really, and I mean REALLY well-done canon divergent fic, this is the Quentin & Julia friendship fic I have been looking for forever. It explores so much of what could've happened and I just love Quentin here, I really really do. Characterization done so right. I also recommend the author's other works too. Been a follower of them for a long time, they're great.)

-

[Game of Thrones]

The Road to Victory by writing_as_tracey

Too late in preparing for the Night King and the Long Night, the last stand at Winterfell is close to falling. Bran takes desperate measures to ensure victory, and Jon, Sansa, and Arya pay the price for it in a time unfamiliar to them, on the cusp of another war. [GoT, time-travel fix it]

(I swear, this fic made me laugh so many times, all the Stark are BAMF and fantastic, and Rhaegar gets Wrecked lol. It's crack btw, and the plot goes in directions you'll never guess and it's amazing hahaha!)

-

[Haikyuu!!] (I am very very late to the fandom but here I am)

Ballare (To Dance) by MidnightSparks

Ship: Iwaizumi Hajime/Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru, and platonic Kageyama & Kentarou (really love their friendship)

Kageyama’s first love is volleyball. His second, however, is ballet.

In one world, Kageyama Tobio is left behind by his parents. In this world, the existence of soulbonds keeps Kageyama’s parents in Miyagi and leaves Kageyama in the care of his grandma and grandpa.

(In which soulmates exist and that changes everything and nothing at the same time.)

(*buries face in hands* I have fallen for this ship so hard and I can't get out fudge me. I understand now. Their DYNAMICS FIEWONPAF)

Kings of Tomorrow by bokubroya (liarielle)

Ship: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru

On the eve of Tobio’s 16th birthday, he counts down the seconds to midnight, and emerges with Oikawa Tooru’s name on his wrist.

It’s been two years since then, and Tobio thought they had an understanding. A silent, never spoken about understanding that this thing between them is nothing, and they’re going to pretend it doesn’t exist.

Of course, it’s just like Oikawa to change the game and leave Tobio wondering what comes next.

(I am WEAK for soulmate fics between these two, I don't even really like soulmate fics half the times what is WRONG WITH ME-)(Please suffer with me, I'm begging you. Its a good fic, thumbs up.)

-

[Crossover]

Honey and Magic by JustARatherVerySillyWriter, White_Squirrel for Super Carlin Brothers

Fandoms: Matilda (yeah you read that right), Harry Potter

Everyone knew Matilda was a rather extraordinary child, but even she didn't know she was a witch. Matilda Honey receives her Hogwarts letter in the year of the Triwizard Tournament, and soon, she will leave her unique mark on the magical world.

(Do I even need to explain how amazing it is to have Matilda in the wizarding world? And Matilda is a HUFFLEPUFF AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL THIS FIC IS GREAT PLEASE READ!!!)

An Eye for an Eye by DpsMercy

Fandoms: The Magnus Archives, Welcome to Night Vale

In which Jonathan Sims is not from the UK but instead, if you took his origins and turned them sideways twice then flipped them over, he technically would be from the US, the town of Night Vale specifically. Elias can’t do shit about it and gets a headache and slowly creeping madness instead.

(Look, I know probably everyone has read this because if they haven't, what have you been DOING with your lives??? Jon interning at Night Vale is Incredible, nothing phases this man, it's Delightful. I laughed so many times reading this, I'm not even kidding right now. Read or perish.)

The Favour by R_Cookie

Fandoms: Harry Potter, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Ship: Original Percival Graves/Harry Potter

Percival is ten years old when his grandfather tries to tell him that he's ensured the greatness of the Graves legacy for him, that he ought to be eternally grateful - but the explanation is hijacked by a stranger who manages to intimidate Chester Graves with an ease never seen before.

or: Hadrian (Harry) Potter is the Master of Death, who grants Graves a boon. Nobody could have known that the Deathly Hallows didn't turn you so much into the 'Master of Death' as into the anthropomorphic personification of Death. And so, Death becomes Percival's guardian angel, and Percival does not spit out his cereal.

(Look, I don't know how I stumbled back into the FBAWTFT fandom either, it just happened and I'm grateful for that. Otherwise, I wouldn't have found this amazing fic. Their relationship is slow and strange and I just love how Percival is characterized here. Also, one of the tag promises that it deviates from canon so I am really, really excited for that! XD)

baby that's what i do by natanije

Fandoms: Naruto, Katekyou Hitman Reborn!

"Are you telling me," Hidan exclaims, incredulous, "that you collect money all this time to give to orphans?!"

Kakuzu pauses. He blinks a few times.

"Huh. I guess I do."

(Tsuna reincarnates as Kakuzu and it's HILARIOUS. HE'S SUCH A MOM HAHAHA)

[sweetpeasgirl]

Treat You Better | Sweet Pea

Description: Based on the song “Treat You Better” by Shawn Mendes, Jughead and Y/n’s relationship is at it’s bittersweet end and Sweet Pea, her best friend, is there to defend her

Word Count: 2.3k

Pairing: Sweet Pea x Female!Reader

Warnings: Kinda angsty but not really

Tags: Angst, FLUFF

The White Wrym is not where you thought you would spend your Saturday night but Jughead had said that he needed to take care of a few things and you didn't want to be blown off again. You understand that he's busy, you really do. He's the son of the former Serpent leader; of course he's going to have a lot more on his plate. You just didn't think he'd push you off of it- the plate.

Sweet Pea had warned you about that. It was the latest topic of argument between you. For best friends, the two of you fight a lot. You know he's just trying to look out for you, that's been his role since the two of you were kids. He's in the grade above you, and was originally your older brother's friend, but they fell out a couple years ago. He never left you though.

He's always been the one watching your back. At first he just kept you out of harm's way, whether that be from grade school bullies or the men who lurk in alleyways when you're trying to walk home. Now, though, he has to watch out for boys who say they care about you but don't. He has to watch out for heartbreak.

That's where Jughead comes in. Sweet Pea is just being his overprotective self, like usual. Sure, you've had your fair share of walking out into the busy street with your head down, and he's had to pull you back quite a few times, but this is different. He can't save a heart that's supposed to break. Jughead does care about you, or at least he did when you first got together last year. Some things, however, just aren't meant to last forever.

Forever is a long time and time has a funny way of changing things.

"Juggie, it's your turn," your voice is quiet as you hand him the wooden pool cue, trying not to draw attention to yourself.

It's cold in the bar and you had been alerted so suddenly that date night was getting moved here that you didn't have time to grab a sweater. You can feel the stares burning into uncovered shoulders. It puts you on edge as Jughead accepts the cue from your shaky hands and takes his shot absentmindedly. Something's going on in his head, you can tell by the way he furrows his eyebrows and watches the people around him.

You, meanwhile, are trying hard not to look anywhere but the green felt of the pool table. There's commotion all around you. Shouts can be heard from the bar and the sound of smashing bottles that accompanies them. There's laughter coming from somewhere else but it doesn't sound friendly. Whatever it's about is cruel; it’s something that should not be made a joke of.

You're definitely way out of your comfort zone. Hell, you're way out of your un-comfort zone. You're just plain scared and, with the lack of conversation that Jughead is providing, the regret is bubbling quick in your chest. You almost wish he would just break up with you so you can cry and move on already.

"Jughead," a loud voice breaks the awkward silence around the crowded pool table, "there you are boy. We can finally discuss what you wanted to talk about now."

A tall, middle aged man with light brown hair and a weeks worth of beard growth pats your boyfriend on the back. Jughead shoots you an apologetic look as he passes the pool cue back to you once more. Your blood runs cold as he starts to walk in the opposite direction with the newcomer. He's seriously leaving you alone, in a room full of people who honestly aren't the safest characters, on what was supposed to be your night. Something happened to the boy you first knew and this just settled what you already thought. It’s over.

Your eyes blur with unshed tears at the hurt and fear circulating through your veins. He disappears from sight and the dark atmosphere gets hazier as you grip the side of the table to keep yourself steady. You can once again feel the stares burning into your back. It's like they were waiting for you to be left unattended. When you're with Jughead, the heir of the Serpent crown, you can't be touched. When you're with Sweet Pea, their deadly warrior, you can't be touched. When it's just you, though, anything goes.

You don't know what to do. It's only a matter of time before someone approaches you and when that happens you'll be in a situation that you probably won't be able to get yourself out of. That's the one thing your mother always told not to do; never put yourself into a situation that you can't get out of. Sweet Pea would not be happy.

"Y/n, what the hell are you doing here?"

Case in point. You jump at the sound of his voice but spin around instantly and bury yourself into his chest nonetheless. The tears fall down your face before you can stop them but you really couldn't care less. The smell of leather and pine surrounds you and warmth finally fills your body. Apparently you're colder than you had originally thought.

The relief that fills you is unmeasurable and you cling to Sweet Pea tightly, "It was supposed to be our night but-” you hiccup, tugging on his jacket- “I didn't want to miss another date night-” another hiccup- “I didn't want to-” you rub your forehead against his chest, your voice now just a whisper- “he left."

Your thoughts come out scrambled and between ugly sobs but it's enough for Sweet Pea to gather the overall picture of what happened. After all, he has been doing this for a while. He tightens his arms around you, the anger radiating off his uncovered skin in heated waves.

"He left you? Here?" Sweet Pea is seething when he pulls back.

He lifts you to sit on the edge of the pool table, the game laying discarded behind you. The visual reminder only makes the tears come faster and the warmth leave your bones again. You start shivering but this time you can't steel yourself enough to stop, the realization dawning before you can lie to yourself again. You and Jughead are done. You have been for a long time now and everyone else saw it before you did.

"Pea, we're over," you can't raise your voice above a harsh whisper, covering your raw face with your hands to suffocate the onslaught of cries you can feel bubbling to the surface, "we're over now. You were right."

You close your eyes to avoid staring into Sweet Pea's murderous chocolate ones. All you feel now is the ice circling your veins.

"Baby, hey," a large jacket that smells too much like Sweet Pea to not belong to him is draped over your shoulders, "it's okay. We'll go home."

The anger seeps out of his voice and you peer up to see the concerned face of your best friend once more. He's looking at you in the same way he was the time fell out of Jughead's tree house. You had blacked out from the fall and woke up in the hospital with a broken leg. He was so scared that he didn't leave your side for a minute. But it's different now, you're not physically hurt, so he shouldn't look worried.

You let out a sorrowful breath and just nod your head, a deep weariness settling over your being. At least you're getting what you had wanted. A clean break.

"Y/n, can we talk?"

You hadn't noticed Jughead come back but now he stands a little behind Sweet Pea who is still in front of you. Sweet Pea instantly turns at the sound of his voice, the rage back and in full swing. You just lower your head, too tired to keep it up.

"Jones you're so lucky I'm not beating the crap out of you right now. I didn't think you were stupid enough to leave her here but I guess I was wrong! You're just lucky I happened to be here. And that she doesn't hate you." Sweet Pea spits his words at Jughead

"Look, man, can I just talk to my girlfriend?" Jughead's voice is monotone, both of you knowing he's just calling you his so that he can officially end it once and for all.

It's for the best and you both know it. His phrasing, however, doesn't go over well with Sweet Pea.

"Are you serious right now? Or is this a sick joke? You forfeit that title when you left her as free game for anyone in this place,” Sweet Pea steps towards him and you hold your breath, knowing quite well who would win the fight if one were to ensue. “You're dating the most beautiful girl in this shitty town and you treat her like she doesn't even matter! If it was me she wouldn't be crying on a damn table, she would know damn well just how much I love her!"

Your head snaps up at his words, your breath hitching in your throat. The commotion of the bar is drowned out around you and all you can see is Sweet Pea's back. He can't really love you, can he? He's just making a point, being the best friend he always has been. The logic makes sense to you but you can feel your heart breaking for the second time tonight because of it.

You place a hand on Sweet Pea's shoulder, drawing his attention back to you, "it's okay Pea, I should talk to him at least."

He doesn't look happy but he nods, helping you off the table and moving to the side to let you pass. You look at Jughead and toss him a melancholy smile. It's wrapped with bittersweet memories from all your late night's at Pop's and early mornings coming back from the drive-in. Jughead and you had some pretty good times despite your inevitable end. Maybe, just maybe, though, you can make it a peaceful end.

"Y/n I do love you," Jughead takes his beanie off and runs his hand through his already messy, raven locks, "but not like I did before. Somewhere between moving here and, well, taking on the role of my dad I let us fall apart. I'm sorry."

"It's okay Juggie. I probably wasn't putting as much effort in as I could have," he scoffs at that, a guilty smirk on his face.

You both know that you gave this relationship your all. But, standing here now with Sweet Pea's eyes searing into your back, it's pretty clear that your heart was forming attachments with another person. Which means that sooner or later you and Jughead would have fallen apart anyway. Sometimes these kinds of things are no one's fault. It's a mutual heartbreak and when it needs to happen, it needs to happen.

"You know, y/n, I don't feel too bad about losing you to him."

You furrow your brows at his comment, your voice cracking slightly when you speak, "what do you mean? He was just saying all that stuff. Pea doesn't love me."

Jughead rolls his eyes and glances quickly at Sweet Pea before walking closer to you. You can tell he doesn't want him to hear what he's about to say.

"Y/n that boy is in over his head. It's a feeling I can relate very much to but listen to me," his eyes capture yours in a serious stare, "he's going to treat you better than I ever could. He's not going to leave you in dangerous situations or bail on plans. Can't you see he'd take a bullet for you?"

Your heart races at his words and you spare a glance at Sweet Pea. He's already looking at you, the worry back in his mesmerizing eyes. He raises an eyebrow at you, pulling a smile to your lips. Maybe Jughead is right. Maybe you love Sweet Pea as more than a best friend.

Looking at him now, his tanned skin glowing under the dim lights and his dark brown hair pushed behind his ears, there's no doubt in your mind that you're attracted to him. Sweet Pea has always looked handsome in your eyes, even after a fight with purple bruises staining his face. You think back to all the times he's been there when you needed him most. That boy drops whatever he's doing when you call; no matter if you're just bored or looking for someone to nap next to he’s there next to you. You've always felt at home when you're with him. Hell, you have a drawer in his room devoted to your clothes.

Sweet Pea loves you and you're pretty damn sure that you love him too.

Turning back to Jughead, you nod your head, "I'd take one for him too."

"Good. I think I'll leave now. Thanks for everything, y/n," Jughead pulls you into one last hug before heading out the door.

You pull Sweet Pea's jacket tighter around you as you walk back towards him. He gathers you once more into his chest and you let the last of your tears fall. There will never be a time when parting isn't such sweet sorrow. It's the beginning of something new but also the end of something that you once thrived on. However, wrapped completely in Sweet Pea's scent, you've never felt like you belonged somewhere so much.

"Ready to go home baby?"

"Yeah Pea. Let's go home."

[writerofthecourt]

magician’s vow

pairing: suna rintarou x reader

summary: the sequel to beautiful illusionist

warning: slight time skip spoilers, some swearing, slight alcohol consumption

a/n: inspired by the songs lemon and eine kleine by yonezu kenshi. i wanted this sequel to be a lot more introspective and suna-focused. i hope you guys enjoy

EDIT: the series’ masterlist can be found here

“I like you.”

“…Eh?”

Suna watched in amusement as you stared back at him with confusion swirling in your eyes. He could practically see the gears turning in your head as you slowly processed his words before your pretty face started to heat up in embarrassment.

The two of you were currently sitting on the bench, lost in the flow of your own conversation as the other Inarizaki volleyball club members all lounged around the gym, trying to catch their breaths before they had to return to their grueling practice.

“Since when?” you inquired, shyly peeking at Suna through your lashes.

“For a while now,” he admitted with a shrug. The tall middle blocker couldn’t help but grin in response to your now timid smile. He found it hard to look away, enamoured by the sparkle of your eyes and the cute expression on your face.

“I-I like you too,” you stuttered out, turning to fully face Suna.

“So it’s a date then?” Suna asked as he tried to mask the undertone of eagerness in his voice.

You only giggled before answering his question with an enthusiastic nod. “Yeah, it’s a date!”

Suna frowned as the memory came to an end. Sitting alone at the dining room table, he rested his head on the back of the chair and loosely held a can of beer in hand as he waited for the alcohol to take effect. It was times like these where Suna cursed his high alcohol tolerance.

He used to take pride in it back when he and Atsumu would visit home and go out drinking with Osamu at the local izakayas. He would laugh at Atsumu’s inability to handle his alcohol after only a few drinks, but now Suna found himself envying the blond idiot, as all he wanted was for the numbness to consume him.

He had broken up with Minami nearly two weeks ago, the day after you had left him. It was a messy break up, if Suna could even call it that. There was a lot of screaming and cursing involved, with Minami eventually handing in her resignation letter. Suna would have guessed that she got tired of being around his presence, and he would say that the feeling was mutual. He could no longer stand the sight of Minami, not when all she did was remind him of his regrets and failures.

Taking another gulp of his beer, Suna’s thoughts soon turned to you and the baby. Were you okay? Were you safe? Was the baby healthy? All these questions lingered in Suna’s head, repeating over and over again like a broken record player.

Despite his best efforts to contact you again, it seemed as if you had just disappeared off the face of the Earth. Your number was disconnected, and you were no longer working at your company. It was almost as if your very existence in Suna’s life was nothing more than a beautiful, fleeting dream, and now that you were gone, he was only left with his memories of you.

A series of loud knocks on the front door soon brought Suna out of his pitiful thoughts. Furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, Suna set down his beer and lethargically went to answer the door, squashing the faint glimmer of hope in the back of his head telling him that it could be you.

“Oi, Suna, open up! I know yer fuckin’ in there!”

The hell? Atsumu? Suna thought as he reached for the door knob.

Opening the front door, Suna had no time to say anything before the door was violently pushed back by an angry Atsumu, his brother standing not too far behind him.

“Yer a real bastard, y’know that?” Atsumu snarled as he pushed past Suna and stomped his way into the living room. Osamu simply said nothing as he glared at Suna before following after his twin.

“Well, hello to you too,” Suna drawled out sarcastically. “It’s only one in the morning, but would you like some tea? Some snacks to go with it?”

Closing the door behind him, Suna made his way into the living room as well, only to see Atsumu pacing around in circles, while Osamu silently stood next to the couch. After some more pacing, Atsumu angrily grabbed at his dyed locks before pointing at Suna with a scalding glare.

“I trusted ya! I fuckin’ trusted ya!” Atsumu shouted furiously. “When ya came to me and ‘Samu asking for our blessings, I believed in ya! All she did was love and care for ya, and this is how ya repay her?!”

Unable to respond, Suna could only hesitantly look away in shame. He couldn’t retort and sass Atsumu back like he usually would. The blond said nothing but the truth.

“‘Tsumu, calm down,” Osamu sighed in exasperation. “Yer gonna wake up the whole damn neighbourhood.”

“Calm down? Calm down?!” Atsumu asked hysterically, turning to his brother. “How can I stay calm after what he did! Aren’tcha angry, ‘Samu?!”

“Practically seething,” Osamu said sharply. “But do ya really want someone calling the cops on us for a noise complaint?”

As the brothers began to get into their own argument, Suna spoke up bitterly, trying to save face. “I don’t see how it’s any of your guys’ business. [Y/N] is a grown woman. She can handle herself.”

The twins promptly stopped their argument after Suna’s bold claim, silently redirecting their gazes to glare at him. Osamu was the first one to move, marching up to Suna with a dark look in his eyes.

“None of my business, huh?” Osamu asked mockingly before he delivered a harsh shove to Suna’s shoulder. “Were ya there to pick her up from the train station when she arrived in Hyogo in tears?”

Shoving Suna again, Osamu continued his barrage. “Were ya there to comfort her as she cried, thinking that her relationship failed because she wasn’t good enough?”

Another shove. “Were ya there to listen to her while she confided about how absolutely terrified she is to raise a child all on her own?”

With one final shove, Osamu had Suna stumbling back into the wall, his arms crossed rigidly as he pinned Suna in place with a seething glare.

“The moment ya fucked up, it became my business,” Osamu grounded out through clenched teeth.

Suna could do nothing but stare back at Osamu, unable to find the right words as he continued to suffer under the harsh scrutiny of his former classmate. He could handle Atsumu’s loud hysteria, but Osamu’s cold and calculated jabs only made Suna want to wither away in guilt.

“Out of respect for whatever friendship we have left, I’ll give ya one last warning,” Osamu stated coldly. “I won’t stop ya from seeking her out, but know that the moment ya do, I will be there to stop ya. Ya will never—ever—hurt [Y/N] again, and if ya do, I will absolutely destroy ya.”

With those last chilling words, Osamu silently marched out of the house, leaving a stunned Suna and Atsumu behind in his wake.

“W-what he said,” Atsumu stuttered, suddenly terrified of his brother’s newly established rage. Quickly making his exit as well, Atsumu soundly shut the door behind him as he left Suna to think about what had just happened.

Suddenly feeling exhausted, Suna slid down to the floor and ran his hands through his hair. He reflected on how fucked up his life had become and how he had no one to blame for it but himself.

Suna sighed as he locked the front door behind him before going through his usual routine of hanging up his jacket and slipping off his shoes. It was late at night, and he had just returned home from a game against the MSBY Black Jackals. It was a tough match, a highly anticipated one, and now that it was finally over, Suna couldn’t be any more relieved.

For the past few days, this game had been the talk of social media in the world of volleyball, with the fans being beyond excited to see two highly skilled Division 1 teams face off against each other. However, for the tall middle blocker, the recently concluded game only served as an awkward and bitter reunion between him and a certain blond setter.

“A whole year later and he’s still acting this way,” Suna mumbled as he thought back to Atsumu’s clipped formalities and passive aggressive remarks. “But I guess I can’t really blame him.”

Making his way into the house, the gloomy ambiance and empty hallways that greeted Suna were an all too familiar and tragic sight. As he stepped across the genkan, Suna couldn’t help but hear the faint and nostalgic sound of your voice, reminiscent of swaying wind chimes as you welcomed him back after a long time at work.

“Welcome home, Rintarou!”

“I’m home,” Suna said numbly.

Walking into the kitchen, Suna poured himself a glass of water before taking a seat at the dining room table. As he dropped his heavy gym bag onto the floor next to him, a thud rang out before everything returned to silence once again. Suna sombrely smiled, finding an odd sense of comfort in the loud noise. It made the house seem less empty now that you were no longer here to occupy the halls with your joyous laughter.

With nothing but his thoughts to keep him company, Suna began to wonder if this was how you felt as you spent those long, lonely nights waiting for him to come home. As his mind thought back to all of those missed dinners and late night practices he had lied about in order to spend time with Minami, his chest only filled with more dread. He truly was everything Atsumu and Osamu made him out to be.

Suna frowned before quickly finishing off his glass of water. Placing it into the sink, he picked up his gym bag and headed off towards the bedroom to retire for the night. After a quick shower and change of clothes, Suna lifelessly lay in bed, his hand outstretched as his fingers mindlessly traced up and down the cold bed sheets. His mind was restless as various thoughts and questions occupied his head, keeping him awake despite his physical fatigue.

What were you doing right now? Were you thinking of him?

As Suna rolled over to cross his arms over his eyes, the little self-deprecating voice in the back of his head added to the flame. It mockingly told him that he had everything he could have ever possibly wanted in life, so why did he throw it all away?

Sitting up to lean against the headboard, Suna knew that there was no use in trying to fall asleep at this point. His mind was too cluttered, and it raged on like a violent storm of regret and desperate longing. Turning to his bedside table, Suna switched on the lamp and reached into one of the drawers to pull out a torn and weathered envelope. Despite its sad state, it was an item that brought him immense hope and comfort.

Taking out a letter and photo, Suna found himself smiling as he gently traced the letter’s familiar handwriting before he began to read it.

Dear Suna-san,

I know this letter is a little bit unexpected, but I felt the need to write to you. How are you? I hope that you’re eating well and taking good care of yourself. It’s been a year since we parted ways, but it still feels so strange to be back home in Hyogo. At first, my parents were disappointed to learn we had broken off our engagement due to…personal reasons, especially considering the condition I was in. However, I am happy to report that they were still very much supportive of me in the end. I’ve recently started my new job at a local department store, and I’m also planning to move into a bigger apartment soon. So please, don’t worry about me. I’m doing just fine.

I heard from ‘Samu that the two of you are still not on regular speaking terms. I’m sorry about what happened between you, him, and ‘Tsumu. I never wanted to get in the way of your friendship like that…I hope one day that the three of you can all be friends again. Despite how much you always complain about those two, I know that you also deeply care about them.

On a happier note, there’s someone that I want to introduce to you. His name is Akio. Isn’t he the cutest?

Switching to the attached photo, Suna couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle at the proud grin on your face as you cradled a sleeping baby close to your chest. Your hair was a mess, and your eyes seemed more tired than usual, but Suna still thought that you looked breathtakingly beautiful.

He was born only a few months ago, but he already takes so much after you. ‘Tsumu was absolutely devastated when he tried to hold Akio for the first time, and Akio just wouldn’t stop crying. I guess it runs in the family, huh?

If I’m being honest, I do miss you sometimes…but I’m also too scared to see you right now. Will you even read this letter? Have you moved on with your life and forgotten about us? About me and Akio? All these doubts and questions keep running through my head, and a part of my hopes that you have moved on.

I’ve met someone new. He’s very kind, charming, and funny, yet in spite of all these things, I still can’t help but feel guilty, almost as if I didn’t try hard enough to keep our little family together. Despite everything that has happened between us, I continue to hope and dream that we can still someday be a family. I don’t think that we can ever go back to the way we used to be, but I do want you to be a part of Akio’s life. I’m still not ready to see you right now, but please wait for me and Akio. When I find the strength to do so, I’ll come find you, Rintarou.

Sincerely,

Miya [Y/N].

Suna only smiled, unbothered by the tears that escaped his eyes as he finished reading your letter. He proceeded to fold the piece of paper back up before pausing to look at the photo of you and Akio one last time. As he continued to gaze at the photo, Suna’s eyes softened, and his heart began to fill with love and adoration. He truly was a fool to have ever let you go.

Returning everything to its proper place, Suna curled up into the blanket, feeling at ease for the first time since he had arrived home. As he closed his eyes, Suna patiently waited for the day to come when he could finally welcome you back into his life. Perhaps not as a lover, but as a friend. For both you and Akio, he was willing to wait a whole lifetime and more. Drifting off to sleep, Suna slept soundly for the rest of the night.

fun fact: akio’s name is written with the characters for ‘bright/luminous, male’, and [y/n]’s new boyfriend is bokuto. it started with atsumu, and it ended with atsumu

taglist: @itsjuliaaa​

[desthesleepdeprivedwriter]

Book #4

18 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days.

That was the time Fundy spent away from what used to be his home.

He did his best to not look, to just come back and focus on his past relationships, trying to reconnect with his last family member and former friends. Fundy just wanted to be good, feel welcomed, and part of something again.

It took him 3 hits, the fox once again staring at his destroyed dirt building, to understand the message. He wasn’t wanted there.

Fundy packed what was left, holding his enderchest close, and walked away from the cabin that stood in the middle of the snow. He wished he wasn’t crying, his tears slowly freezing just brought a sharp pain on his cheeks. The Nether, for the first time, felt like a blessing as the hellish heat warmed his shivering body.

There was this weird thing about Fundy, whenever he was lost in thoughts, his body just made the decisions for him. His feet wandered to wherever they wanted as if they were the ones on command when the brain was too busy focusing on problems and pain. The hands were still keeping the enderchest safe during the journey across the red plains and ghast explosions.

Walk, walk, walk. Netherrack, stone brick, obsidian, wood, grass.

Nothing.

Fundy was pulled back from his gloomy thoughts as he fell in the crater, the sudden lack of floor leaving him dazed. He managed to fall in one of the waterfalls, still hitting the bedrock with a painful thump.

He cried to himself, getting on his knees and looking around so he could at least know where the fuck he had fallen into. Fundy felt all his body going numb as he saw the big flag. He was back home. The red vines took over, and the fox did the best to avoid it when he turned his back to it and climbed all the way back. When at the top, his feet didn’t obey him.

He just wanted to leave, but he walked around the crater and climbed what used to be a hill, and crossed the arc that used to have a door. Fundy stood there, in the middle of his destroyed house. First, the bombing sounds. They were loud and made Fundy cover his ears trying to escape it, escape his own memories. Then…. He heard water.

Fundy looked around and almost could remember how his house used to be. The crane right next to it, the wishing well… and the sewers.

He stared at the destroyed hill and the big hole that took the place of his dead father’s house, sitting at its edge. Nothing was saved. The declaration, the diary, the ballot… Gone. All their history just completely…

There was a chest.

Right there, partially burned and destroyed, but still firmly stuck between 3 rocks, almost impossible to see unless for this specific angle. Fundy slowly built his way to reach it, mining the rock that kept the chest closed and cracking it open. Just 4 books were hidden there, and Fundy knew 2 of them really well. Both the diary and Ghostbur’s memories felt heavy in his hands, he knew all the words there almost entirely. The other was a strange one, filled with a tale he never heard about, telling stories of an empire that Fundy quickly dismissed.

The last one was deep in the chest, making Fundy almost enter it so he could get it. I was dusty, and clearly with a lot of use. The fox didn’t remember about this one, maybe it was the last one Ghostbur managed to get before the explosion. Fundy opened it, out of curiosity, and felt a shiver go down his spine.

The writer was clearly desperate when they put their thoughts on the paper. The scribbles were messy, some even escaping lines and being written diagonally. Some were drafting over other phrases and some parts were just unreadable, covered by a big ink stain. Fundy wasn't even sure if it was English, the 'letters' looking more like hieroglyphs than the normal alphabet. How did Ghostbur find this? Fundy flipped more pages, finally getting to a page there was something he could read.

“DO NOT FORGET”

Fundy’s heartbeat gets faster as he reads the last word. He put his enderchest right next to the one chest he was looking in, searching for his photo album. He quickly passed through an old family photo, he and Niki as kids, everyone posing under the L’manberg flag… He and Ranboo in front of the ice cream stall they’d built for the festival. Fundy flipped the photo, seeing the two phrases written behind it.

“Can’t live without you, Ranboo”

“I can’t forget Fundy :)”

The man aligned both ‘forget’s, comparing them.

Same calligraphy.

Ranboo wrote this book.

Fundy just read everything he could, having a hard time trying to understand what was possible to be understood. There was stuff about memory, enderwalkers, and he was almost sure he saw something about Doomsday. Fundy was quick in leaving the crater, holding the book while running his way back to the snow biome. He needed to ask about this, and he wanted answers.

In the end, he didn’t need to cross the entire nether. Ranboo was right next to Tommy’s house, staring at a couple of flowers.

“Ranboo!” Fundy called, rushing towards his (former?) friend. “Ranboo, I have this… Damn, I need you to-”

Ranboo turned, and Fundy was frozen.

He could still breathe, his chest moving as his breath started to become erratic. His ears were pressed on top of his head, his tail all puffy as his animal instincts took over and kept telling him to run, but his legs were stuck, and he could only watch as the tall figure walked in his direction.

That was not his Ranboo.

The static noises got louder as it approached Fundy, still staring in the eyes of the terrified fox. It inclines and sets a shadow over him, one hand moving and picking up the book Fundy was still holding by his side.

“⏁⊑⏃⋏☍ ⊬⍜⎍ ⎎⍜⍀ ⏁⊑⟒ ⏚⍜⍜☍, ⟟ ⍙⏃⌇ ⌰⍜⍜☍⟟⋏☌ ⎎⍜⍀ ⟟⏁.”

It opened a smile, teleporting away right after and leaving a terrified fox behind, shivering and paralyzed as he stood in between the various alliums surrounding him.

Support/commission me here!

[radiorenjun]

I Don't Need It

• Pairing: Na Jaemin x Reader

• Genre: Angst, Comedy, Fluff

• Na Jaemin despised the idea of soulmates, he wanted to fight against fate for choosing his soulmate for him. Even if it means his stubborn childhood best friend wouldn't stop trying to make him accept about the similar tattoos on their wrists.

• Warnings: mental breakdowns, heartbreak, rejection, major angst, arguments, flashbacks, physical injuries, fighting.

• Wordcount : 8.7 k

• Masterlist here!

• Chapters: XI, XII

• A/N: special thanks to @orange-nimon-cross​ for betaing this chapter. And special thanks to @c-sanshine​ for being my editor for the past year or two, I hope you enjoy your life of waking up and not expecting 8 screenshots worth of writing

“HE WHAT?”

You bit your lip, wincing at his loud voice. You quickly slammed your palm against his mouth to shut him up. At this point you were wondering if it was a good idea to tell Renjun about the talk between you and Jaemin at his house yesterday. 

“Could you be any louder?” you hissed, nervously smiling at your classmates who were staring at the two of you. Renjun’s hand wrapped around your wrist to  pull your palm away from his face, frowning at you with a roll of his eyes. “So let me get this straight, two years of treating you as if you’re the bane of his existence and two months of you ghosting him, he suddenly wants to restart your whole friendship?” Renjun emphasized, his brows furrowed.

At that moment you had a flashback of Jaemin’s taken aback expression when you refused, the way he made a downtrodden expression at your words that almost made you take it back the instant you said it. The way you exited his room with a heavy heart, forcing yourself to get out of the house you missed visiting so much. The empty feeling that came when you moved further and further away to what your soul called home.

You let out a heavy sigh, nodding. “Pretty much,” you confirmed, your heart aching at the memory of the way Jaemin’s hopeful expression melted into one that resembles a small child when his mom had thrown out his favourite toy. Well, it kind of felt that way as well, if you were being honest. 

“Seriously, I know he’s dumb but I didn’t think he’d be this dumb! Dude, he had no right to come crawling back after breaking that music box. It was your-” 

“I know, Renjun. You don’t have to tell me twice. It was my music box, after all.” you snapped back, stopping him from finishing his sentence as Renjun bit his lip, watching as your expression grew dark at his words. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, looking down at his fingers when he realises he had spoken too much. “It’s fine, just forget about it, alright?” you rubbed your temples, waving him off.

Renjun cleared his throat, swallowing his guilt for bringing up the sensitive topic. “So what did you say?” he asked, trying to keep his tone casual. You bit the insides of your cheek, wincing at the memory before mumbling under your breath, “I said no.” 

Renjun’s eyes widened. Truthfully, he was proud of you for refusing the bastard. Alhough, he couldn’t help but wonder why you said no. He thought you’d jump at the opportunity to restart your relationship like opening a new chapter to a book. After all, he knew you’ve been dreaming of loving and being loved by your soulmate like the hopeless romantic that you’ve been your whole life. He didn’t expect you to refuse Jaemin’s offer, and by the looks of it, you didn’t either.

“Oh. Is it okay if I ask why?” Renjun asked hesitantly, unsure if he wanted to know the answer. You let out a puff of breath, leaning your head back to keep your tears in painfully aware of your curious classmates. “It hurt, you know. I mean, call me selfish for rejecting my own soulmate but it’s just really unexpected you know?” You started, blinking back your tears.

“Jaemin was my best friend, I knew him like the back of my own hand. And sometimes, he changes his mind on a certain opinion due to peer pressure or because of guilt. A part of me was happy that he wanted to start things over, trust me, I was ecstatic.” You added on, trying to swallow the heavy lump gathering in your throat. “But again, another part of me thought that it was too good to be true, you know? I overthink alot sometimes and it gets me down a lot but-” you paused to close your eyes, rubbing them with your palm to casually wipe off your tears.

“But a part of me didn’t want to believe that he wanted to restart. I don’t know why, I mean, it doesn’t make much sense!” You sat back up, looking at Renjun with an exasperated expression, your eyes red as your mind keeps screaming at you in messy thoughts. “He saw me as the living bane of his existence for almost two years. I loved- I still love him! But he didn’t need my love, hell! He told me that a countless amount of times that he couldn’t see a future with me.” You exhaled, clenching your fists tightly in the pockets of your hoodie.

“Maybe I didn’t want to accept that he wanted to change. So my dumb mind decided to assume things I shouldn’t. Maybe he’s doing this to stop people from looking at him as the asshole who rejected his own soulmate. Maybe he finally gave in from the anxiety and peer pressure. For fucks sakes, maybe he’s doing it because he feel sorry for me. Maybe he’s tired of seeing his former best friend moping around from unrequited love that he decided to force himself back into my life when I’m finally starting to get better.” 

You rambled on and on, oblivious to the fact that Renjun was staring at you speechlessly, his brows furrowed in concern. Your pupils shaking as you try to keep your tears back, your head leaning down to look at your feet nervously as you continued to ramble on about the boy who hurt you. The boy who made you feel so much pain. The boy who broke you.

“I don’t want people to love me because other people wants them to. I want Jaemin to lov- to like me for my dumb self. It’s not fair to him, it’s not fair to me. I don’t want to wake up and stand by Jaemin knowing that he’s just doing it because he feel sorry for my pathetic ass,” Renjun cuts you off by tugging the hood of your hoodie over your head, halting you of your frantic rumbles, glaring at a few of your classmates who were starting to look at you questioningly.

You took a deep silent breath, feeling Renjun’s hand lay on top of your head comfortingly as you try to hold back your tears. You were a mess. How did things end like this? How did you end up so broken over losing your best friend?

Why did it hurt so much?

You said ‘love’. But really you don’t know what love is. You’ve never felt love before. Sure, you felt parental love, family love, love in friendships. But what was it like to actually feel loved by the person who was born to do nothing but love you? When did you realise you loved Na Jaemin so much? What made you so attached to him? What had happened to make you so determined to change his mind and forcing him to love you?

Oh who were you kidding? You remembered everything. There isn’t a day that goes by since you realised how much you loved Na Jaemin.

 You remembered the first time Jaemin actually made your heart skip a beat was a couple months prior to your birthday, before you got your stupid soulmate tattoo. You two were in your first year of high school. Young, innocent and happy. Life was simple. You had Jaemin by your side, and he had you by his. You were infamous for being attached at the hip, that people believed you were going to be soulmates by the time you get your tattoos.

“Good morning, y/n!” your friend greeted you as she sat on the seat right in front of yours, making you look up from your work book. You had forgotten that you had homework the day before, so you were trying to do all of your 20 numbered homework in the span of 15 minutes right before your teacher arrives to class. Jaemin refused to lend you his homework that night because he was too busy playing games again.

“Hey!” you greeted frantically, giving her a small wave as you aggressively scratch the mistake from your paper with your pen, too much in a rush to take out your whitener and remove the spelling mistake you accidentally made on your paper. “Another day of doing homework before the teacher arrives, huh Y/n?” she chuckled, scanning the work book placed on your desk as you tried to write as fast as you could.

“Indeed, I am. Because a certain someone didn’t want to help me with my homework!” you huffed, attracting Jaemin’s attention from three tables away from you. He turned his head at the sound of you shading him from halfway across the room, halting his conversation with his friends to yell ‘I can hear you!’

“You better!” you shot back, sticking your tongue out at your best friend who just gave you an innocent peace sign. You went back to focusing on your homework with an annoyed huff, blowing out a puff of air as you frantically wrote down the answers to question number 11. Your friend chuckled at the innocent banter, shaking her head at the two of you. “I swear you two are practically soulmates,” she joked. You gave her a menacing glare as you wrote.

“Kidding!” She grinned, waving it off before looking down at your paper, wincing slightly when she saw the answers. But she knew not to tell you since you were already in distress. Instead she peered at you, squinting when she saw something quite off about you on that certain day. “You look different,” she commented.

You didn’t look up from your paper, choosing to nod slightly before sticking your tongue out in concentration. “Uh-huh. What about me looks different exactly?” You asked, licking your lips in concentration as your eyes dart from your textbook to your workbook. “I don’t know, you just look suspiciously off today.” your friend continued with a suspicious hum, examining your features slowly.

“Off?” you muttered mindlessly, scratching off another spelling mistake you accidentally made. “Off how, exactly?” you mumbled once again, paying no mind to your friend looking at you as if she was playing a ‘try to spot the difference’ game. “Wait a minute.” Your friend gasped, dramatically raising a hand to cup her mouth. 

You look up at her with a raised eyebrow, your hand still writing sloppily on your paper as you let out a small ‘what?’ in response. “Y/n! Are you wearing lip gloss?!” she exclaimed with a small squeal, causing you to drop your pen in shock. You gaped, not knowing what to respond as your mind spun to come up with some lame excuse to say no. “What?” was all you could say to respond to your friend who couldn’t keep her grin from stretching eye to eye.

“Yeah, you’re definitely wearing lip gloss. Oh my god, little y/n is growing up and wearing make up!” she squealed, the cheeky grin never leaving her lips as she leaned her cheek against her palm, watching you come up with some lame excuse. “I’m not! I swear!” you shook your head vigorously, frantically waving your hands as you tried to wipe of the glossy pigment from your lips, embarrassment flooding your face.

“Oh come on, don’t deny it! I know lip gloss when I see it! You can’t lie to a person who sells lip gloss for a side job, y/n!” she giggled, waving her hand off as you continued to deny it. “It actually looks great on you, not gonna lie. Though you might wanna buy something from my store to see something that would actually match with your whole aesthetic!” she exclaimed causing you to whine. 

“I’m not wearing lip gloss,” you muttered shyly, looking down at your homework before picking up your pen with a small pout. “But does it really look good though?” you asked after a few seconds, looking up at your friend who laughed in response. “Yeah! I think a different colour would suit you even more though. I’ll show you my lip gloss stock if you want. And some stores for recommendation, too!” She encouraged with an enthusiastic nod. 

You scrunched your nose at the thought of using make up in school. But what can you say? You were a normal teenager 15 year old girl who just wanted to try somethings new after hitting puberty, would it kill you to try on a few light make up cosmetics once in a while? 

“Maybe I’ll start using lip gloss more then,” you chuckled, looking up at her confidently which caused your friend to give you an encouraging thumbs up. “Oh my god, you’re actually going to wear make up. I thought that’s never going to happen till you’re at least in your late 30s.” She exaggerated causing you to let out a whine in retaliation, smacking her arm as she giggled at you.

It all happened so suddenly.

Before you could process it, you felt two fingers cupping your chin, turning your head to the side. You froze when you saw Jaemin standing right beside your desk, next to you and your friend with his thumb and index finger holding your chin gently and turning your head to face him. He tilted your head up with a serious expression spread across his face as he concentrated on your face, causing you to flush in embarrassment at the sudden contact.

You and your friend’s eyes widen at his bold move, staring at him with a baffled expression. “J-Jaemin! What are you doing?!” you exclaimed, your hand coming up to his wrist in alarm but making no effort to remove it. There was something comforting in the way Jaemin gently held your chin up at him as his eyes examined your lips, most of the gloss having been wiped off by your hand previously.

You looked up at him in confusion before tensing in his hold when his other hand came up to your face to wipe off the remaining gloss on your lips with his thumb. The rough texture of his thumb swiping over your slightly chapped lips, the gloss now staining his skin as he gently rubbed your bottom lip in feathery motions. His touch so soft and gently you could barely feel it. 

In a split second, the comforting feeling disappeared when he pulled away from you with a bashful smile, his ears slightly red at his own actions as he wiped his thumb against the fabric of his pants. He cleared his throat gently as you gaped, still taken aback at the unexpected touch that felt slightly too intimate for two best friends like you should be feeling.

“Don’t wear lip gloss. Or any other make up,” he said at you, his sweet smile making your heart flutter, your stomach still doing somersaults at his previous actions. “You look way prettier without make up. If I catch you wearing make up once again, I won’t hesitate to wipe it off of your face by my own hands again.” he chuckled, coughing to cover how flustered he felt as you bit your lip nervously.

You bit back a smile, nodding at him as you looked down at your shoes. “Whatever you say, Jaemin.” you muttered under your breath, as he snuck his hands into the pockets of his pants. Jaemin bashfully smiled before turning to leave the classroom to the bathroom to get rid off the glittery pink pigment off of his thumb. You coughed, turning to your friend who just stared back at you with her jaw dropped wide open.

She let out a laugh of disbelief, giving you a knowing look as she closed her gaping mouth to form a cheeky smirk. “I stand correct. You two are totally soulmates,” she sing-songed with a shake of her head, turning to her own desk as you let out a soft whine at your friend. “Shut up, I’m literally going to be so pissed if you two don’t end up having the same tattoos once your birthday comes by,” she commented, making you flush in embarrassment.

You gazed at your left wrist, longing to see what your soulmate mark would look like. You let out a flustered smile at the thought of your own best friend having the same soulmate mark as you, a giddy feeling rising up your chest as you stifled a soft giggle. You swallowed down the funny feeling of your heart fluttering and butterflies swarming around your stomach when you heard the door to your classroom open.

A familiar voice boomed through the walls of your classroom. “Good morning, students!” your teacher exclaimed, a pile of books in hand. You glanced back at your half filled paper, panic rising up your spine as you let out a deep breath.

“Shi-”

The memory sent sharp pains into your heart, your wrist burning once again against your skin as you scrunched your face in pain, wiping the tears away with the fabric of your sweater. Renjun sighs as he watches at you sympathetically, wanting nothing more but to take your pain away. But he knew he couldn’t do anything but watch his best friend writhe in pain as you continue to try to move on from being rejected by your other half, hoping that you would get the happy ending you deserved at some point in your life.

He knew he wasn’t going to turn a blind eye if Jaemin tried to hurt you again. He wasn’t going to stand still and let you get hurt,. He was going to give Jaemin a piece of his mind. He was going to make sure Jaemin would think twice before talking to you. He can’t stand watching you break in front of him, leaving him to comfort you and make you stop blaming yourself for something that wasn’t entirely your fault.

It wasn’t your fault you were stuck being soulmates with someone so selfish and inconsiderate. It was the world’s fault. It was fate’s fault. If there was something that Renjun could agree on with Jaemin, it would be how he thought fate was too cruel for putting the two of you together.

You scratched the back of your head as your eyes scanned the seemingly endless row of books on the shelf for that book your friend recommended to you a few days ago. Brows furrowing as you leaned your head up, squinting to see the book you were looking for, using your pointer to spot the title as you slowly stood on your tippy toes before you found what you’re looking for.

You grunted as a hand coming up to support you on the shelf as you attempt to reach the damn book. “God dammit,” you muttered under your breath, huffing as you started hopping to reach the book before looking both ways to see if the coast was clear and lifting your foot up to the shelf to climb it.

“Y/n?” 

You paused, slowly turning your head around to see Jaemin poking his head from in between the books from the other side of the shelf across the one you were climbing on. “Jaemin?” you jerked your head to the side to see Jaemin even more clearly, biting your lip at how quick you turned your head at the sound of his voice. “Are you okay?” he asked with a slight chuckle.

Your foot almost slipped at his words before you quickly gripped on the wooden shelf even tighter to regain your tight grasp on it, leaning your body against the shelves even more as you let out a small squeak. “Fine! Just fine!” you exclaimed, giving him a nervous smile before looking up at the book. “Just trying to get a book.”

“Oh, do you need help?” he asked with a sweet smile. You turned away from him, shaking your head. “Nah, I got this covered,” you said, using a free hand to wave him off before reaching for the book. But to your avail, you weren’t even close to touching the damn book. You groaned internally, masking your pain in case Jaemin was still looking.

You turned slightly, trying to see if Jaemin was still watching you from the corner of your eye. To your surprise, he wasn’t. You sighed heavily, relieved that he had left you alone, so that he couldn’t witness your futile attempt, but how were you supposed to get your book now? 

Less than ten seconds later, Jaemin came back with one of the librarians’ special stepladders, shooting you a smile as he watch you try to climb the damn shelf. “I knew your short ass would refuse my help so I just went ahead and ask for a stepladder,” he joked, putting the stepladder right beside you before climbing up and grabbing the book himself, watching you frown and climb down the shelf, hopping onto the carpet floor.

He climbed down the steps to stand in front of you, the white book in his hand. “Your book, your highness,” he smiled, handing you the book as you looked down in embarrassment, muttering a small ‘thank you’ under your breath. “What were you doing here anyway?” you asked, looking up at him as you hugged the book to your side. 

Jaemin bit his lip shyly, a hand coming up to rub the back of his neck as the tips of his ears grew red. “Would it kill me to say I saw you coming here and I followed you because I wanted to see you?” he confessed. You felt your heart jump, feeling yourself getting flustered as butterflies swarmed your stomach.

He’s got to be kidding.

You gulped, biting back a smile before shaking your head as your mind wandered to the events that happened the day before. You slowly released your bottom lip from your teeth before a frown took place across your lips, you coughed awkwardly before nodding at him, trying to cover up how flustered you felt. “No, not at all, but I do think that’s quite concerning,” you commented, clearing your throat.

Jaemin frowned at how your previously flustered expression had morphed into one that displays just how uncomfortable you felt, wondering if he had said something wrong. He tried to pay no mind to it, clearing his throat before speaking up again. “Anyways, what’s that book for? A project or something?” he asked, pointing at the white book he previously grabbed that was now in your grasp. “Huh?” you looked down to see the book in question before your mouth formed an ‘oh’.

“No, not a project. Yeoreum, you remember Yeoreum right? She’s in our History class on Fridays. She recommended me this book to read because according to her, I really need to get my mind off things. I took her word for it and searched for this damn book,” You explained, opening the book before flipping through the seemingly endless pages of words and paragraphs. “Well you must be desperate to take your mind off of things to have to climb up the shelf to get the book,” he chuckled.

You let out an awkward laugh, nodding as you looked away from him, feeling your heart clenching. You both knew what you couldn’t take your mind off of. “I guess you can say that,” you mumbled, your voice trailing off as a soft frown took place across your face once again. Jaemin bit his lip, trying his best to come up with something to keep the conversation going. 

You took a step back awkwardly. “I’m just going to get this checked out. I’ll see you later, then, Jaemin.” You waved at him with a tight lipped smile, turning around to slowly walk to the librarian’s desk. Jaemin’s eyes widen slightly, trying to come up with some pathetic excuse to stand by your side. “Wait!” the words left his mouth before his brain could decipher it.

You paused in your step, hesitantly turning your head back to him. “Yes?”  you asked almost inaudibly. Jaemin gulped when he realised he had nothing to say, biting his lip as he retracted his hand that he had unconsciously stretched out when he stopped you. “Can I come with?” he asked, cringing at how desperate he sounded.

“You want to come with me to check out my book?” you asked, slightly confused as you furrowed your brows at him. Jaemin opened his mouth, hoping that he would come up with something as an excuse to be with you longer. But to his dismay, nothing came into his mind. Not even a lousy excuse.

He closed his mouth abruptly, avoiding your eyes as he nodded with a shy smile. “But why? Don’t you have practice or something?” you asked, cocking your head to the side. Jaemin gulped at your question, internally debating on whether to lie to you or tell you the truth. He sighed as he remembered how you despise whenever he lies to you and how you can still read him like an open book.

“I just want to spend a little more time with you,” he spoke truthfully.

You felt your stomach do somersaults, as you maintained an emotionless expression to try to cover up how your heart was practically soaring through the skies at the thought of Jaemin wanting to spend more time with you. “Oh.” you mumbled, looking down as you try to conceal how flustered and happy you felt. “Okay then,” you replied almost inaudibly.

He wanted to spend more time with you? What was that suppose to mean? You literally live next door! You have at least one class with each other every day, what more could he want? 

You shook the thoughts out of your head, not wanting to get your hopes up. Never again. You didn’t want to think that you had a chance with Jaemin anymore. You’re going to come to terms with reality and move on. Maybe he just wanted to be friends again? I mean, you two have been best friends since you were in diapers. It would be a shame to throw away more than a decades worth of friendship.

“So what are you doing after this?” he asked after a short pause as you both walked up to the librarian’s desk, handing her the white book. “Is that all?” she asked, not sparing the two of you a glance as she scanned the code on the book. You nodded at her before responding to Jaemin, “I’m heading over to Mr Seong’s office, he says he wants to talk to me about the art club or something.” 

Jaemin’s mouth formed an ‘o’ shape, nodding slowly before furrowing his brows in confusion. “I didn’t know you joined the art club,” he exclaimed. You turned your head to him with your eyebrows raised. “What do you mean? I’ve always been in the art club since our second year of high school?” you raised a brow questioningly.

Jaemin’s eyes went wide at your statement, racking his brain as he tried to remember if you had ever mentioned anything about the art club. “Doesn’t ring a bell,” he mumbled, his brows furrowing in confusion. You smiled softly, letting out a soft chuckle. “It’s fine. Renjun got me into it, it’s pretty fun though. I finally get how you feel when you rant to me about practice.” You waved it off, grabbing the book and thanking the librarian before walking out of the library with him along your side.

Renjun, huh?

“You two have been pretty close, huh?” Jaemin couldn’t stop himself, cringing back at how bitter he sounded. You didn’t seem to notice, though as you hummed in response. “He’s there for me when I need him, and I’m there when he needs me,” you replied simply as the two of you made your way to Mr. Seong’s office. Jaemin felt an ache in his heart at how happy it made you when you talked about Renjun, his heart clenching against his chest.

“Also! He taught me how to use acrylic paints properly!” You exclaimed almost childishly, taking Jaemin aback at how hyped you were. Your eyes wideend slightly before taking a step back, giving him a bashful smile. “Sorry, its just- I’ve always wanted to use paint properly without messing it up too much and luckily, I have Renjun to teach me,” you exclaimed with a light laugh, causing Jaemin to give you a tight lipped smile.

“Sorry, I’m getting a little side tracked. Oh, well. We’re here,” you stated, realising how fast time flew when you turned to see that you were both standing in front of the door to Mr Seong’s office. “I guess I’ll see you around, Jaemin,” you waved, knocking on the door softly before poking your head in and stepping into your teacher’s office.

Jaemin stood still in his tracks, staring at the wooden door. The Winnie The Pooh painting from one of the students from his arts class that was hung right beside it felt like it was making fun of him with it’s sinister smile. He stood there in the half empty halfway, gazing down at the floor in an almost depressing way.

It wasn’t suppose to be surprising but the ugly feeling still laid deep down in his heart. The ugly feeling of realising how he’s been replaced by someone else.

“So anyways, I went- hey, is that y/n?” Hyuck pointed, his head turning to the door of the art club. Jaemin turned his head up, gazing away from his phone screen before turning to where his friend was pointing at. “She’s part of the art club?” Hyuck whispered, leaning close to Jaemin as they watched you paint on an empty white banner as you chatted with your friends on the white tile floor through the glass window on the door.

“Yeah, I guess. She told me that, the other day.” Jaemin nodded, not tearing his gaze away by how the light from the sun peering through the window illuminated the room, admiring how the sunshine made it look like as if you were glowing. “Apparently, Renjun got her into it.” he added, his voice trailing off as he leaned his body more to the side to get a better view of your smile, watching as you threw your head back laughing at a joke your friend made.

He had a small content smile of his own as he watched you wipe your cheek with the back of your hand, turning your head when your friend pointed at how you had accidentally smeared yellow paint across your cheek in the process. You took two fingers and swipe them across your cheek, looking back at the yellow now staining your fingers before laughing along with your friends.

“Oh hey guys, what are you doing here?” Jeno smiled, walking over to lay his hand over the handle of the door, involuntarily blocking his sight of you. Jaemin frowned slightly but bit his tongue when he realised Jeno was going to go inside. “Oh hey, Jeno. We were just passing by.” Hyuck nodded, looking at Jaemin who gave him a knowing nod. 

“What are you doing?” Jaemin asked curiously, trying his best no to eye Jeno’s hand on the handle of the door. “Oh, I’m just here for voluntary work.” Jeno replied, gesturing the tote bags filled with paints and brushes in his hands. “Voluntary work? I didn’t know you do that?” Hyuck exclaimed, adjusting his spectacles as he eyed the bag filled with paints and brushes.

“Yeah, well. I’m pretty good friends with Yanan, the president of the club and he wanted some help in painting the banners for like some sort of event? I don’t remember, man. I’m just here trying to be a good friend,” Jeno shrugged making Hyuck let out a sarcastic laugh. “That’s so random of you. Are you sure you haven’t been bribed or anything?” he asked, crossing his arms as Jeno rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, Hyuck. I’m not you, I don’t do things just because it benefits me, dumbass.” Jeno stuck his tongue out, causing Hyuck to let out a small laugh. “Well, enjoy your little picasso painting session then, Lee Jeno. Me and Jaemin are going to-”

“Hey, can I come?” 

The two boys turned to Jaemin with equally baffled expressions and furrowed brows, but the boy beside them wasn’t even sparing a glance at them. However, he was leaning his head to the side as if he was looking through Jeno’s shoulder for something. Or someone.

“Huh? You want to go with him? For what? Painting banners for hours? Dude, I thought you wanted to head to the arcade!” Hyuck exclaimed incredulously, looking at his best friend in disbelief. To his dismay, Jaemin wasn’t even close to paying attention to him, his words turning deaf to the younger boy’s ears. Jeno turned his head to see what he was looking at before letting out a soft ‘ah!’

“Jaemin just wants to hang out with y/n,” Jeno teased, giving the boy a light smirk. Jaemin snapped out of his trance, his pupilss dilating as he cleared his throat. “Shut up, Jeno.” He muttered, eyes avoiding his friends’ gaze to hide how flustered he felt. Hyuck simply tsked at the boy, shaking his head in disappointment. “And I thought you were better than this, you certified simp.” Hyuck tutted, crossing his arms.

“We lost another one,” Hyuck cried out dramatically, receiving a smack on the upper side of his head afterwards from Jaemin who rolled his eyes at the boy. “Are you guys going to help me talk to her or not?” he asked with a tired sigh, running a hand through his hair in distress. 

“Didn’t you get rejected the other day? Not to be mean or anything but what if she really doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore?” Jeno asked, a smile on his face but his voice was laced in deep concern. “In other words, you might bug her. You know? Like, back when you were still a total jackass less than a year or two ago,” Hyuck slung an arm around his friend’s shoulder who frowned at his words.

“I want to make it up to her, how am I suppose to make it up to her if she’s not going to talk to me?” Jaemin huffed. “I just really want to be on good terms with her again,” he frowned, guilt glossing over the brown haired boy’s eyes as he stared down at his sneakers. Jeno frowned, sharing a knowing look with Hyuck who gave a silent exasperated sigh before nodding at the older boy in confirmation as if to say ‘fine.’

“Fine, we’ll paint some banners just so you can talk to her,” Hyuck gave in, internally saying goodbye to the arcade after school before Jaemin decided to ask them to basically be his wingman. “Try not to fuck this up, please?” Jeno jokes causing Jaemin to let out a laugh with a sarcastic roll of his eyes. “Chill,” he inhaled.

“It’s not like I’m getting in to annoy her, I just want to talk to her,” Jaemin laughed as Jeno opened the door with a light chuckle. “It’s really cute how you don’t know that they’re literally the exact same thing,” Hyuck chuckled, slipping his hands into the pockets of the jacket he was wearing over his body as they both stepped into the bright art room, the fresh smell of paints, canvases and old brushes filling their senses.

“Jeno! What took you so long?” Yanan, the club president exclaimed, walking up to the three boys in an apron splattered with paint, a few smudges of paint spread across his skin as well. Jeno smiled sheepishly, “sorry, man. I got more people to help though. Guys, you know Yanan, right?” Jeno turned back to his friends who gave Yanan a friendly wave or a casual nod. “Oh hey, Na Jaemin, the football team’s captain, right? Lee Donghyuck from Calculus, right?” Yanan asked, receiving nods from both boys.

“I never knew you two would be into painting or shit,” Yanan cocked his head curiously as Jeno placed the tote bags on the desk nearby. “Yeah, well, you see. Jeno was like desperate because he didn’t want to do this alone.” Hyuck started rambling, making Jeno roll his eyes, grabbing an apron from the supply closet at the back of the room. “He begged and begged for us to join him. And us, being the amazing best friends we were, we had to agree because we can’t bare to see Jeno so upset and lonely. Right Jaemin?” Hyuck smiled sweetly at Jaemin.

Jaemin let out a small sigh, nodding silently as Yanan let out a soft laugh. “Whatever floats your boat,” he chuckled, shoving an apron into each boys’ grasps. “Get started, we don’t have all day. The quicker we can do this, the sooner we can all go home!” Yanan clapped enthusiastically, turning them before shoving them forward to the students who were sitting or laying on the floor as they painted the banners. 

“Dude, I don’t even know what we’re suppose to be doing. What are we suppose to paint?” Hyuck exclaimed as he watched Jaemin put on his own apron, tying it around his waist as he stares back at your figure busy painting on different types of flowers on the corners of the banner. “I don’t know, just go with the flow!” Jaemin shot back defensively, picking up a brush of his own as he walked up towards you nervously.

“Hey y/n.” 

Your head shot up, eyes widening to see Jaemin’s unexpected figure sitting right beside your laying figure. You were on your stomach as Jaemin sat down beside you, waving innocently and giving you a charming smile that almost caused you to swoon. “Jaemin?” you furrowed your brows in confusion, pulling your brush away from the banner as to not accidentally stain the floral patterns you drew with random paint drops. “What are you doing here? I thought you didn’t like art,” you wiped the wet brush off with a nearby cloth which was already stained with different paint colours before dipping the brush in a cup of water. 

“It’s not really my thing but I’m here to help with.. er- whatever this is,” he smiled, gesturing to the banner as he sat up properly, crossing his legs. You raised your brow at him, unconvinced but you weren’t one to judge so you just shrugged and went back to painting. “Okay then, I’m not going to ask,” you muttered, removing the brush from the cup of water before patting it down with the previous cloth before poking the tip into a palette of paint.

“Wait, what exactly are we doing?” Jaemin asked, watching you furrow your brows when you realised you ran out of purple paint. “Uh, something about the banner for next month’s charity event?” You muttered, pressing your hand on the floor before sitting up and grabbing your palette, trying to get as many paint as you can into your brush. “Oh, the one after the game?” he asked, receiving a short hum from you.

“What are you painting then?” he asked, gesturing to the half finished floral patterns on the border of the banner. “I’m painting this one for the gate,” you didn’t even spare him a glance as you turned back to grab a tube of purple paint, smacking the tip against your palm before popping open the lid to squeezing the life out of the bottle. “It looks great, I didn’t know you could paint this well.” Jaemin commented, admiring how pretty you looked with the sun shining over your form, highlighting your pupils.

“Uh-huh-shit! I’m out of purple paint,” you clicked your tongue, beginning to stand up as you shut the lid of the paint bottle. “Hey wait, I can get it for you if you want-” Jaemin exclaimed, beginning to sit up as well but you shook your head at him. “I’m good, I bet Renjun still has some left over. I’ll just go ask him, you can just stay here and help paint or something,” you muttered, tearing your gaze away as you try to spot Renjun from the crowd of students huddling up over their own banners.

“Wait what am I suppose to paint?” he exclaimed when he saw you take a step back. You refrain from letting out a frustrated groan. You’ve been painting these banners for the past couple of hours, you had an exhausting day, you haven’t even finished that essay Mrs. Choi had assigned you to do the other day which was due tomorrow. You were exhausted, you just wanted to get this last banner over with so you can finally pack up and head home.

“I don’t know, Jaemin! Maybe help with the details of the flowers or something,” you snapped back, walking away from him before tucking the paintbrush in the space between your head and your ear. Jaemin frowned as he watched you walk over to Renjun with a polite smile, politely asking him for some paint, only for Renjun to nod and wipe the sweat off of his brow, standing up as he gestured you to head over to the back of the room to check the supply closet.

Jaemin blew out an annoyed puff of air, dipping his own brush in water as he spitefully dipped his paint brush in a can of paint nearby and decided to colour the tips of the leaves with a darker shade of green. “How did it go, lover boy?” Hyuck asked, standing right in front of the sulking boy who gazed up at him with a small pout on his face. “Shut up,” he grumbled, smearing green paint over the soles of the older boy’s shoes, causing him to squeal playfully in response.

“Hi Haechan,” you greeted as you returned to your spot beside Jaemin, laying back down on your stomach on the floor with a soft grunt. “Oh hey y/n,” he nodded, shooting you a warm smile as you proceeded on painting small purple petals. Jaemin cleared his throat, “so you free today?” he asked, eliciting a soft hum from you. “I don’t think so, why?” you responded, furrowing your brows as you stuck your tongue out in concentration.

“Well, I was thinking of getting started on the presentation?” Jaemin cringed at how pathetic his excuse was, biting the inside of his cheek as he carefully watched your reaction. “You know we could just do that thing where we share a document in google docs right? We don’t necessarily need to come over to each other’s houses for a little presentation project,” you chuckled weakly, dipping your brush in a little bit of water to lighten the pigment. 

“I know, but my wifi hasn’t been working very well these days,” he lied through his teeth, leaning back against his arms as he clenched his fists behind him. “You know you’re always welcome to use the wifi from my house right? My wifi’s always fine,” you deadpanned, focusing on the miniscule details of the flowers as you spoke.

“Yeah well, I forgot the password,” Jaemin added on. Truthfully, Jaemin often used your house’s wifi whenever his was being crappy ever since you two shared wifi passwords a long time ago. “Dude, you literally use the wifi from my house all the time, stop lying.” You rolled your eyes at him, making small dots in the blank spaces in between the flowers and the leaves.

“Yeah well-” Jaemin sucked in his lips, not knowing what else to say before letting out a heavy sigh. “Would it really be a crime for me to want to hang out with you again?” he asked with a small frown, flipping one of the dried brushes he was previously given in between his fingers. You tensed up at his words once again, frowning simply as you paused your little painting session to try to calm your heart.

“Are you really doing this here? Right now? In front of all of our friends?” you replied shortly, feeling your throat getting dry as you try to ignore his eyes boring into the back of your skull. “What?” Jaemin raised a brow, unfazed as you turned your head to send him a glare. “I’m not having this conversation with you right now, Jaemin,” you frowned, turning your head to do the last finishing touches on your banner.

“Why not? We’re soulmates aren’t we? Aren’t we suppose to communicate to keep a good relationship between us?” he asked with furrowed brows, ignoring the awkward cough your club mate made beside you. You flushed in embarrassment at his words, taking a deep exhale before glaring at him. “Jaemin, just because I was nice to you in the library doesn’t mean you get to say things like that out of nowhere!” you shot back, your eyes going wide in alarm.

“Why not? I’m just stating facts, aren’t I?” he taunted, watching your face morph into an expression filled with hurt and sadness. “Seriously, Jaemin. I’m exhausted right now, let’s not do this today.” You sighed, wiping the sweat off of your brows with your forearm before standing up, wiping the paint smeared all over your fingers against your apron. 

You avoided his glare as you turned your head to Yanan. “Hey Yanan, I think I’m done with my part. Can I go home? I don’t feel too good, right now,” you called out, walking away from Jaemin. “Fuck,” Jaemin muttered under his breath, rubbing his face with his palms in frustration. “Sucks to be you, bro.” Jeno patted Jaemin’s shoulder from behind him before walking away awkwardly to wash the dirty brushes in the water cup you previously used.

“He really isn’t giving up, isn’t he?” Renjun asked with a roll of his eye as you both ate ice cream together in your local diner. You groaned, hitting your head on the table, being careful to avoid hitting your ice cream cup. “I really want to give him a chance but it’s too good to be real, you know?” you explained, sitting up before leaning your cheek against your palm as you played with your ice cream.

“I completely understand,” Renjun nodded, taking a spoonful of his ice cream as he spoke. “I personally think you’re right for giving him a taste of his own medicine, it shows how he should be more grateful to the people around him,” he added on, scraping the sides of his ice cream cup before popping the spoon into his mouth, humming slightly at the taste.

You rolled your eyes at him, pointing your ice cream spoon at him threateningly. “I’m not doing this for revenge, Renjun! That’s way off! I really do want to restart things with him but I don’t think it feels right, you know? With the whole tattoo coverage, the ‘no soulmate’ talk and getting rid of my gifts. For two years! Two damn years, Renjun! I’d never thought the tables would turn like this,” you exclaimed, leaning back against the chair as you crossed your arms, popping the ice cream spoon in your mouth to get a taste of your own dessert.

“It just doesn’t sound too right. It seems suspicious, you know?” you mumbled. Renjun clicked his tongue at you, taking another spoonful of his ice cream as he hummed in understanding. “Did something big happen in the past two months to make him change his beliefs like that?” you asked aloud, making Renjun pause when his mind wandered to that time at the mall where he saw Hyuck, Jeno and Jaemin arguing in public at the corner of his eye.

“Beats me.” Renjun shrugged, shaking the memory out of his head. “Maybe he actually does want to change? I really don’t know what to say about this, I’m sorry,” he chuckled, shrugging his shoulders as he spoke, a smile spreading across his face. You frowned at him, pouting simply as you began to out more thought into the whole ordeal. 

“I don’t know if you noticed. But he’s been being a cheesy romantic around me! Hell, he stopped covering his soulmate tattoo! He’s publicly admitting how we’re soulmates! If that’s not suspicious then I don’t know what is!” you exclaimed, making random motions with your hands exasperatedly. “It’s as if the roles have been reversed!” you added, groaning in distress as Renjun watches you stress on about this while casually eating his ice cream.

“I admit, that is quite peculiar and ominous of him. This is just proving my alien theory even more,” Renjun jokes, letting out a light laugh before you sent him a threatening glare. “Shut up, I’m serious! Come on, I’ve bugged him about this for two years to the point he broke that special music box and embarrassed me in front of both of our parents that night to get it through my head. And when I finally leave him alone, he’s started to act like when I found out we were soulmates for the first time,” You furrowed your brows, scrunching your face as your heart started to ache at the brief memory.

Renjun frowned at the mention of that dinner, remembering the first time you called him crying and sobbing your eyes out over the phone. “You know, if you’re really that uncomfortable with it. Have you tried to tell him to stop?” he asked, cocking his head to the side curiously. You nodded, “dude, he even started giving me daisies! Daisies! It’s sweet, really, it is. But it just hurts, you know? What if he’s only doing this for the sake of making other people happy? What if he’s just tried of everyone talking about how he’s probably the only human being in the world to reject his own soulmate?” you rambled.

Renjun frowned as you started to ramble on and on, your eyes becoming glossy as you continued to speak out. “Why are you looking at me like that?” you frowned, furrowing your brows when you see Renjun just casually eating his ice cream while staring at you with a face void of emotion. “I’m just casually listening to the random bullshit spewing out of your mouth,” he replied with a shrug, stirring his ice cream with his spoon.

You frowned. “Rude. Here I am complaining about my deteriorating love life while you’re just enjoying your damn ice cream.” You scoffed, crossing your arms with a small pout. “I know, I’m an amazing best friend.” he grinned, scooping up the remains of his ice cream before popping the spoon into his mouth. “I’m just saying. I’m really concerned for you and all but the more this goes on, I’m starting to view this as some kind of terrible k-drama.” he giggled.

“Really? Just a couple days ago you were looking at me as if I was some dying patient. Now, you’re making fun of my life, this is just getting sad,” you grumbled, rubbing your temples in distress. “Well, if you’re really that uncomfortable, then ask him to stop. I’m sure he has some brain cells left in that brain of his to understand,” Renjun advised, making random hand motions to emphasize his words.

Rolling your eyes, you shook your head ‘no’. “You know very well I hate confrontation. Plus, it’s going to take a toll on my heart, it really hurts, you know?” you leaned on the table, crossing your arms on the table before putting your chin on your arms. “This is going to sound dramatic and cliche but I just want things to go back to normal, you know? I’m tired of feeling so much pain everyday,” you drew random lines on the table with your pointer finger, sighing heavily.

Renjun bit his lip as he watched you close your eyes in content, basking in the calming atmosphere between you two with furrowed brows. His mind lost in thought as he let out a soft sigh of his own, wondering what he could do to help you.  

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[ourloveisforthelovely]

In Love and Death. Part 1

Harry Potter AU (request fic)

Summary: (set during current time) Regulus Black has made a lot of mistakes. Now he has a chance to fix the mistakes or possibly make them worse.

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: M- later chapters

Song at the beginning: Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood

_____

She knows what I think about and what I think about...one love, two mouths, one love, one house. No shirt, no blouse. Just us, you find out...

“I’m going to hell.”

It was the thought going through Regulus’ head as he looked down at your sleeping form.

“I’m going to hell and Evan is going to kick my ass from one side of the place to another but she’s worth it...always will be worth it.”

Regulus turned on his back and slammed his head down on the pillow. His life was one series of failures after another. After drowning and staying dead for a while, Regulus woke up at the bottom of the cave’s lake surrounded by actually dead inferi. As he kicked to the surface the best thing that Regulus could put together was the potion didn’t let him be fully drowned or Voldemort was really losing his touch.

Things were, even more, confusing the first time that Regulus looked at himself. He hadn’t changed. The boy looking back in the mirror was the same boy that Regulus was when he had gone to that cave in the first place.

Dead things don’t age.

His mind had supplied. Confusing was the best way to describe everything. Waking up in a different generation, finding out Sirius had gone to prison and was now on the run, and realizing the secret that he “died for” was out...Regulus had to sit quietly and take everything in. It took Sirius and Remus talking to him numerous times to get Regulus to actually speak again.

That is where you came in and shook his fucked up world some more. You were an auror and a young one at that. Before you walked into Grimmauld Place and made Regulus feel like he had been slapped on the back of the head with a book, he never had any interest in falling in love. It was too risky and he didn’t have the time nor the drive for it. Now some girl with sandy hair and bright blue eyes was making him reconsider everything that he felt about relations and Regulus had no clue who you were.

It wasn’t until Sirius introduced the two of you after seeing his brother’s expression did Regulus realize how fucked he was…Evan Rosier’s daughter...you were his fucking best friend’s daughter that had clearly grown up in the time that Regulus was dead.

Regulus had to quickly look away in order to chastise himself for even looking at you that way. It didn’t matter that you were an adult (and a very attractive adult at that). Regulus was there when you were born. Hell, he had been there when Evan turned up at Grimmauld Place the summer before 7th year freaking out because his girlfriend was pregnant. It had taken Regulus all that he had to not tell Evan that he was a fucking fool when the other boy made the comment that he was told that Emma wouldn’t get pregnant if she jumped up and down after sex. Regulus had sat there staring at Evan the whole time with a frown.

“Jumping up and down? What? Where do you get your facts? My mother, as prudish as she is, at least gave me a pamphlet on what happens. I told you not to listen to the Carrow twins!”

Regulus had to shake the thoughts from his mind as he took in your confused expression. The moment that you spoke for the first time, Regulus again felt like he had been whacked with a book.

“Sirius, I thought that you said your brother was dead?”

Sirius nodded then shrugged.

“Yes but apparently he’s not. It's kind of confusing.”

“So Supernatural dead?”

“Excuse me, but what is Supernatural and just what does this have to do with me?”

Regulus had finally started to become annoyed with wondering what the two of you were talking about. It was Sirius that had to give him the update on “pop culture.”

The next few weeks led to Regulus falling further and further in love with you. Whether it was wrong or not, he couldn’t help it.

“She won’t want me. I’m a former dark wizard. She’s an auror. What kind of fucked up joke would that be?”

Others in the Order, particularly Alastor Moody, took great pride in watching every move that Regulus made around you. Moody was not about to let one of the girls that he cared about could be harmed by someone that was on his “list” once upon a time. It didn’t matter to Moody that “to the world,” Regulus and yourself would physically make a cute couple. To someone looking in, they would assume Regulus was just some 18-year-old kid and would have a decent shot with you.

“It's best you stay away from Y/n. You are old enough to be her father. I don’t care how young you look or if you have been taking a years-long siesta...you’re a death eater and that’s what you’ll always be in my eyes. Y/n has dealt with a lot in her life. Her family has abandoned her. She doesn’t need some guy who has affiliations with those people.”

Regulus still scowled at Moody’s comment. It didn’t matter to the auror that Regulus actually provided proof that he “wasn’t bad.” To Moody, that dark mark on Regulus’ arm would always be damning evidence that he couldn’t be trusted.

To Moody’s displeasure, you agreed to go with Regulus on a several months mission to Greece. Regulus had to fight back a fit of laughter as Moody threw a fit like an overgrown child about it. It wasn’t until you came into the conversation did the elder auror cool his heels down.

All of the previous events led up to Regulus’ current situation. The two of you had been in Greece for a few days spying on what looked like was the Carrows. It was day three when you kissed him for the first time. The memory would be forever ingrained into his memory….

Regulus stood looking over the edge of the hotel balcony. After another day of watching his former friends wander around like blind idiots, Regulus was exhausted. He wasn’t a “sit back and watch” type. He would much rather just go and hex the hell out of the Carrow twins then ask for forgiveness later. The sensible side of his head, however, told him to cool his heels and calm the fuck down. If he wanted any hope of clearing his name and showing that he wasn’t a monster; going against what the Order wanted was no way to do it.

“Regulus?”

He turned at the sound of your voice calling his name. You stepped out onto the balcony with him.

“Have they done anything new?”

Regulus shook his head.

“I think Amycus will need a new liver soon. I have never seen someone drink so much.”

You laughed at the comment as you began to watch Amycus practically snog the bottle of fire whiskey. Regulus, meanwhile, kept his eyes on you. It was wrong to be looking at you like this. He bloody held you as a newborn; now he was drooling over you.

You reminded Regulus of Evan. There was the same serious expression that Evan wore 95% of the time along with his physical looks. Regulus was thankful, however, that you were nothing like the Rosier family. You were spunky and had an amusing sense of humor.

After a few moments, you turned back to the man at your side.

“Can I ask you something?”

Regulus nodded. He was trying to keep himself as closed off as possible to you. Maybe if he acted as if he wasn’t interested then you would believe him.

“Yes?”

“Don’t get mad.”

You said before standing on your tiptoes and pressing a kiss to his lips.

After that, he was hooked. You didn’t kiss him again for another two days. In fact, it was Regulus that made the next move. He had spent enough time in his head going batty until he had to touch you again. To his pleasure, you didn’t fight back.

“I’m too old for you.”

Regulus mumbled between kisses. Your fingers were locked into his hair making sure that he wasn’t about to get a clean getaway.

“No one would know. We look that same age.”

“This is really fucked up. You know what I am…”

Your hand was on his lips silencing any further comment.

“What you were. Not now. I don’t care what our friends say. My family...I’m a blood traitor to them so they aren’t shocked by anything that I do anymore.”

Your moving pulled Regulus from his thoughts. He quickly closed his eyes hoping that you would think that he was still sleeping and not worrying about what was going on in his head.

“I know you're awake.”

You said with a grin. Regulus’ sighed as you wiggled your way on top of him. His grey eyes rolled up to your bright blue ones. You were used to the serious expression on his face. It was rare when you got a smile from him.

“Beautiful boy.”

You said with a smile. Regulus reached up and grabbed your hand. He gave you a raised eyebrow before bringing your hand to his lips.

“You spoil me.”

This was how the two of you had spent most mornings. The Carrows didn’t come out until typically late in the evening so that left Regulus and yourself with free time during the day.

“As I should.”

You replied, stroking your hands through his messy hair. Although neither of you had said “I love you” yet, you knew that you were in love with Regulus. This was the first time that you had felt that emotion in your life. You credited this to your parents. More like your mother, Emma. She never told you one time that she loved you or made you feel loved. You assumed that she just went crazy after your father died.

Regulus was in the same boat. He didn’t talk about his parents much. In fact, he didn’t want to talk about his childhood ever. What you knew about his childhood, you had learned from Sirius. At first, you didn’t think that Regulus would want anything to do with you. That quickly changed, however, when he realized how nice it was to have someone want him. He was as touch starved as you were! It was rather amusing how you had gone from being a girl who “didn’t need a man” to a girl who bent over backward to please the man that you were falling in love with.

You already knew that your friends wouldn’t be thrilled with the relationship. Tonks had already sent a text asking if something was going on with Regulus. You simply brushed off the question with some witty humor (but you knew Tonks wouldn’t be so easily thrown off).

“Y/n, please. The two of you have nothing in common. He’s dangerous and I think that you know it. An auror dating a former death eater isn’t a good look no matter what Regulus can do to prove his innocence. I just care about you. If Regulus can come back from the dead what’s not saying your father won’t?”

It didn’t matter how many times you told Tonks that Regulus’ waking up was most likely due to Voldemort. Your father was killed by Moody. If he came back from the dead then there was definitely some weird shit going on.

“We have to go back tomorrow.”

Regulus’ calm tone pulled you from your thoughts. He quickly pulled you back down into the bed beside him. You settled yourself against his chest as Regulus reached up to gently stroke your hair.

“I know. I’ve been dreading it.”

Regulus was quiet for a few moments.

“So do we break up and act as if nothing happened between us or are we going to go in and be ready to fight?”

Your head snapped up.

“I don’t want to break up. I want to be with you.”

The question broke your heart. You wished that things could be as easy as they appeared. To others in this hotel, Regulus and yourself looked like innocent teenagers out on a holiday. They didn’t know the “truth” but your friends would know.

Regulus took his place on top of you. His left hand had gone back to your face. Your eyes fluttered to the dark mark on his arm. Maybe you were being childish but you didn’t care about that brand on your lover’s body. He was a different man now.

“I want to be with you too. I don’t care what our so-called friends have to say. It's not going to be easy and I think you are a smart enough girl to know that.”

Regulus was relieved when you pulled him down for a kiss.

“I’ve faced a lot of bad things in my past. I’m not scared of making my friends mad. They’ll either accept it or we can go out on our own.”

Regulus sat up. Going off on your own would be a lot easier said than done. There would be no way in hell that Alastor Moody was about to let one of his aurors go off with a death eater. Alastor Moody would track Regulus down like a dog and take you away.

You were on your knees behind him in an instant. Pushing a chunk of his curls away from his face, you pressed kisses to his jawline.

“You know that is a lot easier said than done. If we go off on our own...find our own little place...it's not going to look good on your job being married to a death eater. We’ve had this conversation before, Y/n.”

Regulus stated, calmly. He could tell that you were beginning to get frustrated the moment that you pulled away from him.

“Yes, we have. No one has to know what you were. You keep your arm covered up. Besides, there are a lot of former death eaters running around just fine. Take a look at Lucius Malfoy, for example.”

Regulus rolled his eyes again.

“Yes, love, I know. Lucius Malfoy is the scary mother fucker that gets away with everything. I don’t think that I am going to be that lucky.”

You got out of bed and slipped the lace nightie that you were wearing off.

“We shouldn’t worry about things that haven’t even happened yet. Come join me in the shower.”

_______

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[whitefawnn]

blood letting (part 8)

c!wilbur soot x reader

warnings: blood, derealization, injuries, toxic relationships, panic attacks

masterlist of bloodletting

note: read the warnings

Morning came as an unwelcome bright light in my eyes. At least for once I recounted the events of the night before, but I wasn’t proud of how many tears I had shed. Not able to keep it together, not able to get the words out to Sam, at least Wilbur seemed okay. I gently ran my hand through his hair, pushing it out of the way of his eyes. The white streak now swallowed by auburn pushed back against his head. His face twitched slightly but went back to a calm expression as time passed between us accompanied by the quiet singing of birds outside. I let myself enjoy the moment of peace.

I’m glad that he could sleep undisturbed, even if just for a little while, his face as still as a resting lake. I gathered my strength to get out of bed, my mission to find Sam going into action as soon as my feet met the cold floor. We needed to plan for the coming attack from Dream. He needed to know everything I could remember, and if that meant pushing myself, so be it. Pulling myself together I left, the last sight my grim face reflected in a mirror on the wall.

My house was empty, the only sound that echoed through the familiar halls was my feet padding into the main room. Somehow the cold floor had become a reassuring discomfort the more I walked, the cool wood punctuating the air that entered my lungs. I found Sam, collapsed on my couch, face one of disquiet. His position was rigid, not one of rest or calm. He was only covered by a blanket far too small for his large form, the sight made me feel guilty. If I had been able to keep myself together I would have at least been able to afford him the simple convenience of a bigger blanket. I made my way over, gently shaking his shoulder. He always looked different without his intimidating mask. His mouth visible, sharp teeth peaking into his smile whenever he granted such pleasure.

“Sam?” I whispered, trying to bring him out of his sleep as gently as possible. I jumped as his green eyes snapped open, softening as they recognized me. He quickly pulled me into a hug with him on the couch. My cheek pressed against his chest as it steadily rose and fell. “Good morning, Sam.” I giggled as he hugged me tighter. I think in that moment we agreed to forget for a while, one second of amity,, only our shared breathing.

“I was so worried, y/n” I let myself melt as he began to play with my hair. “Wilbur being back, dream getting out, and you went missing. I was just so fucking glad to see you okay yesterday, bear.” I nodded my head into his chest, releasing a breathy sigh. I can’t allow myself to cry again.

“Wouldn’t want to ever leave you, Sammy.” I said with a quavering voice. He hummed, the sound vibrating through him. He motioned for me to move as he sat up on the worn couch. I weakly smiled as I studied his face. An unconscious way to make sure he was okay. My eyes fell into the habit of tracing the familiar scar that ran across his nose. A jagged reminder of a story he never would tell me. “Guess we gotta get into what’s important, huh” I steeled myself, running my hand down my thighs. “Dream wants revenge, Sam.”

“I guess I figured that.” I watched as he pushed his hair back, the former styling having become messy through the night of turbulent sleep.

“I’m scared, he had this map of everything with all these arrows. He was being so meticulous, Sammy.” his brows furrowed as he looked at me, my arms now wrapped around myself. Dream could be right behind me right now and I don’t think I’d be able to fight back with any great strength. I let that sink in, I was helpless against the monster, I even struggled to speak of him.

“I won’t let him near you, bear.” I gave him a weak smile. “I’m gonna get him back in Pandora's box, I promise.”

“I believe you, I do, but we need to be more careful. I don’t think I could stand losing anyone.” Sam nodded with a serious expression “No one can be a weak point, Sam. I saw his plan, and I think he intends to pick us off one by one.” I shiver as I look away from Sam, not able to bare the intense eye contact. His green eyes reminded me of the last person I wished to think of being psychically in a room with. Dream’s hands lingering on me, burning points on my arms.

“I understand, y/n. I’m going to go tell everyone, okay? Can you and Wilbur meet me at the prison in a few hours? I think the safest bet we have right now is to gather there.” I absently nodded my head, standing up and leading him to the door. He looked at me, my eyes meeting his own, a tension building between us. “I will keep you safe, bear.” I fell into him.

“Please be okay, Sammy.” I mumbled into his chest as I let him wrap his arms around me once again, leaning into the warmth. He left with a determined look and a quick pace headed straight for the prime path. I just hoped we could get everyone in time. I sighed, my shoulders falling as I turned to see Wilbur in the entrance to the hallway. “wil,” I whimpered, rushing over to him, finally letting myself cry. Hot tears ran down my face as he held me.

“hello, my love” he mumbled into my hair. I breathed in as he gently swayed us back and forth. “I think we have a lot to talk about.” I winced at the words. “What did Dream do, darling?” Sam had to have said something. He had been my confidant as my life had taken a turn for the worse after Wilbur died. Him right by my side as I sobbed, him right there as I let myself get hurt in the worst possible way. Now it’s like I stood in front of all I lost, having to explain who I had become without him.

“Did Sam tell you something?” I inquired.

“not in any great detail.” I pursed my lips, not wanting to give away unneeded information. Any expression feeling like a hint I needed to desperately cover.

“wil,” How could I tell him? I didn’t want him to feel guilty for what was surely my own fault.

“y/n, I just want to help.” His scarlet eyes burned into me, and his cold hands on my arms suddenly didn’t feel comforting. I gently slid away from him, wandering to the kitchen with a far away feeling.

————————-

‘one, two, three’ seconds to count, moments to lose, lives to take. Dream found himself inpatient as he waited. He knew he couldn’t give them much time to prepare, but he also knew he couldn’t rush in. If he fucked this up he’d find himself right back where he began, miserable. Days spent counting the seconds between each purple drip from the crying obsidian in his cell. Scribbling in fucking books just to burn the pages and watch how the paper shriveled and turned black, engulfed by flame. Return to writing memories just to see them burn. He could feel the ghosts of heat licking at his face from the lava that bubbled as a makeshift wall when he stared down at the large map.

“one, two, three” he mumbled as he counted the lives everyone had left. Tommy, Tubbo, and Wilbur only had one. Sam had three. Quackity had two. Y/n had two. He knew their overall survival depended on how they acted in the moment, he didn’t want to kill everyone, not really. A select few, yes, we’re destined to die by his hand, but not every measly person deserved such a fate. Though he dreamed of blood on his hands, Quackity’s face when he realized he was just as helpless as he had been when he got that godforsaken scar on his face. That his obsession with power and money had gotten him nowhere.

“y/n,” he ran the name on his mouth, a sweet taste, an interesting predicament. He couldn’t decide what to do with them. The past that drew out between the two leaving a red string tying them together. If they would get in the way, if Wilbur would in turn, they would become more of an issue than they were worth. He would finally be willing to cut that tie. He’d hoped they had already given up on their pitiful attempt at fighting back. Pushed so far that they had finally snapped. A shattered mirror, unrecognizable, just as they had been after Wilbur’s untimely end.

————————-

“y/n, please,” I forced myself to turn around, looking at Wilbur’s worried expression. I didn’t know if I wanted to tell him, I didn’t know if I could. Those words were stuck in my mouth, burning my tongue. Something wouldn’t let me let them go. I was cursed with this weight and I couldn’t shake it off. I spun around again, beginning to make us breakfast. Grabbing a dull knife and fresh fruit that had somehow found its way into my fridge. I poured myself into this meaningless task so I didn’t have to be me. I didn’t want to face the reality of what had happened, I wanted to go back to being nothing at all.

“How do you want your eggs?” I asked him as I cut the fruit and placed it into a small bowl. I tensed at the sound of him groaning, a sound of frustration, a sound that meant I had done something wrong.

“Please?” I can’t do this right now. I felt my hand tense around the blade as he pushed for an answer.

“Please? please what Wilbur?” a sharp pain erupted from my hand “I can’t tell you, I just can’t. I feel like you just keep pushing me into corners, demanding so much- god I can’t just keep giving to you.” I sighed as I turned to look at his shocked expression. His shoulders now slumped and his once pleading face now adorned with a straight mouth. I felt myself tense as he moved to speak, guilt flooding into me. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled out, allowing my own posture to fall.

“I just want to be better for you.” he mumbled with his head bowed, eyes falling to the tile floor. The confession woven into our shared silence made the air feel tangible. “and- and I just keep fucking it up, I know I do, I made you come with me and Dream, and I didn’t even fucking consider that he could have done something to you, I didn’t listen, and then I just let him hurt you again.” I watched with bated breath as he stepped away from me. “y/n I can’t forgive myself. I deserve how Sam treated me because I’m not fucking good for you. I’m not good for anyone for fucks sake.” He took a shuddering breath as he pushed his hands through his unruly hair “and I’m so selfish cause I don’t think I could bear to let you go.” I stood shocked as his eyes remained glued to the floor.

“Dream-” I paused to look down at my hands, stunned by the way I was bleeding from a cut. Wilbur, confused by my silence, looked up to where my widened eyes were watching an open wound.

“Shit, are you alright?” he asked, reaching out to take my injured hand. I looked up to

see his expression, not comforted by what I found. His pupils were now blown wide as I watched him visibly fight back some crawling instinct that had beseeched him at the sight of my pooling blood.

“I’m fine.” I shuttered, pulling my hand out of his gentle grasp. He looked up at me with a new found clarity in his maroon eyes, shaking his head.

“Sorry, fuck,” he muttered, quickly walking over to the sink to wash the blood that had gotten on his hands. He was once again tense.

“Maybe we’re both bad for each other.” I whispered as I watched him scrub at his hands.

“please don’t say that” his voice wavering with the request.

“Look at us, Wilbur! You can’t say this is healthy?” I felt tears well up in my eyes as he stood there. I didn’t want to believe it either.

“please,”

“Wilbur, I want to tell you, I want to tell you everything that happened but, I’m pathetic, I can’t find the words, it's like I'm choking on nothing.” Wilbur reached to turn off the facet, yet he didn’t turn to face me. “I can’t- I can’t” He placed his hands on either side of the sink as he took calculated breaths seemingly trying to calm his own nerves.

————————-

‘Just breathe,’ He shook the water from his hands and into the sink, still not daring to turn and face y/n. Not wanting to risk seeing their injury, their blood, to fall right into that version of himself. The version that had come back a monster, a parasite made to use those around him.

“Wilbur- what if the stuff with Dream was my fault.” Y/n’s voice wavered as they seemed to slip into blaming themselves. The words made his emotions build. The situation seemingly impossible to solve due to y/n’s own feelings of their involvement in a situation he couldn’t even begin to guess.

“What did he do, love?” He begged, his hands finding their way to the edge of the basin again, his tight grip making his knuckles bloom white. Y/n stood stunned as they studied the way blood began to drip from their hand now. They made no move to bandage the injury. A deafening silence drew out between the two. Filled then with the sound of y/n’s panicked breathing. Wilbur pivoted to see their eyes still locked on their hand as tears slipped down their face.

“fuck, we really need to get that wrapped” Wilbur stared at the blood that was now dripping on to the white tiles, splattering across the pristine floor. Red contrasting against the pale flooring, the sight making his head spin. He found himself whimpering as he tried to get y/n to the sink to clean their hand.

“I’m sorry,” they cried as they pushed their hand under the water turning the water in the sink a light pink as it splashed against the metal.

“Please don’t be sorry anymore, you’ve done nothing wrong, okay? I’ll be right back, you stay right here.” Wilbur made his way to the first aid kit, rushing back to bandage the wound. He made quick work of the injury using his tactile hands. Applying the wrapping felt like second nature due to his own hand wraps he had been using since he got back. “none of this is your fault, especially if it has to do with Dream.” y/n weakly nodded as they leaned into Wilbur.

“Sam needs us to meet at the prison, he’s gathering everyone. I want you to ask him about it, I just-“ They pushed as they took a deep breath.

“That's okay, my love.” Wilbur gently ran his hands through their hair, brushing down the strands that had become unruly.

[arianajbb]

FIC RECS - 2

💕 stay by @you-are-my-sanctuary

A road trip to Arizona goes wrong when you catch the attention of a familiar looking dark haired man with steely blue eyes.

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💕 Tell Him, Not Me by @zsiopao

here y/n l/n lands a role in a new television series that will put her relationship to the test.

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💕Stalker by @you-are-my-sanctuary

In which Bucky has a crush on the new PR manager and is being an adorable stalker.

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💕 What Could’ve Been by @you-are-my-sanctuary

Steve stays in the past when returning the stones, leaving you behind and erasing everything you two were to each other. Decades pass and he wonders if he made the right decision. Especially since the memories of you still lingers in his mind years after.

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💕  Let Your Spirit Fly by @starlightcrystalline

At the end of a long week, all you want is to get home. Fate has other ideas.

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💕 painted with bruises by @harryspet

In which Bucky kidnaps you in order to get close to his enemy, Steve, but realizes that Steve isn’t the hero he used to be.

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💕 Wolf, Partner, Gloves... by @revengingbarnes

HYDRA’s words make Bucky go into Winter Soldier mode. Then he meets you, and you make for him words that will bring him back to normal.

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💕 Sleeping With A Friend by @wkemeup

You wake up in Bucky’s bed after a night you’re certain will only break your heart.

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💕 An Unpredictable Reunion by @head-always-up-in-a-dreamworld

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💕 American Boy by @quarantined-with-bucky

Request: So basically buckyxreader where she is a super successful businesswomen and awfully confident but when she’s with bucky she feels insecure as many women want him and she’s insecure of nat. Based on “American Boy” by little mix where bucky is her american boy and the other girl in the song is nat. So like angst with a happy ending (maybe smut if you’re comfortable idk idk).

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💕 Uptown Girl by @brooklyns-boys

You’re a spoiled, shallow party girl who enjoys pushing any button you can find. When your parents put their foot down, giving you the choice between marrying a suitor of their choosing, or being cut off from your money, you’ll have to decide between luxury and the only person who’s ever given a damn about you.

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💕 pictures of girls by @subtlebucky

you’re prepared for a fun-filled weekend with a friend you haven’t seen in a while. instead, you get a weekend with the guy who sort of rejected you and a camera. what could go wrong?

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💕 don’t forget to sing by @sunmoonandbucky

You meet someone new in the most unlikely of ways during the quarantine in New York City.  An alley is six feet apart, right?

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💕 bloody by @buckycuddlebuddy

he looked feral; his eyes black, face contorted in something devilish, lips blood red and shiny and the smirk on his face was promising more than he already had given.

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💕 Home by @softlybarnes

Bucky comes home from his second tour overseas, after a long time away from the reader.

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💕 Kiss Me Better by @blissfullylostinarabbithole

Bucky has your heart, but he seems to despise you. Loki comes up with a plan to make him realize just what he’s missing.

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💕 x by @blissfullylostinarabbithole

Bucky receiving his first piece of fan-mail.

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💕 My Roommate’s Boyfriend by @angstysebfan

Your roommate’s boyfriend and you do not get along. You don’t even know why anymore. When your roommate has to move unexpectedly across the country, you both begrudgingly drive her car to her new home. Adventure, angst, and secrets come alive.

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💕 life with tiny and beefy by @wiensrsoldier

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💕 Safe Place To Land by @sunlightdances

You and Bucky are both standing up for Steve and Peggy’s wedding. Checking in at the hotel for the weekend, you’re horrified to realize there’s been a problem. A big problem.

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💕 A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes by @green-eyeddragonfanfiction

Female!Reader is an Omega. Alphas and Omegas are rare, and Reader’s been able to avoid alphas through sheer force of will and luck in equal parts.

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💕 we’re up all night to get lucky by  @nsfwsebbie

Your soldier comes home after his prevailing victory.

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💕 Jealousy Looks Good On You by @tinymalscoffee

You go to your favorite coffee shop after your date from the morning before never shows up.

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💕 x by @sinner-as-saint

uni!seb having a thing for boobies.

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💕 Everything by @mariessecretfantasies

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💕 Stardust And Starfish by @i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend

“Hey we kissed once in kindergarten but I haven’t seen you since and I couldn’t remember why you were so familiar.”

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💕 The Flaw Of Belief by @winterdaybreak

Y/N and Bucky fight over who can be more spiteful, who hates who more. Neither really mean it, but Bucky might just win.

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💕 dear... whoever by @whistlingwillows

a mandated series of long and short diary entries from the new head of R&D for Stark Industries.

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💕 starring role by @baezen

in which Hollywood’s former hottest movie star faces his biggest challenge yet – proving that he’s still worth the starring role

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💕 Mr. and Mrs. Barnes by @cherrypickertheory

You and your husband, Bucky, live a normal life in the suburbs of Washington, D.C. Or you did, that is, until you both realize that the other is a spy.

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💕 kitten by @buckycuddlebuddy

“you know,” bucky started, voice low and raspy. “i think i have spoiled you too much lately.”

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💕 Summer Days by @sleepypanda27

You meet a handsome stranger at the beach.

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💕 Power Over Me by @sinner-as-saint

CEO James Buchanan Barnes is a dominant. And he’s spent the last 5 years searching for his perfect submissive. Then one night, he finds you. He thinks everything will fall perfectly into place now; but he thought wrong. Turns out your unfortunate past which still haunts you to this day, and some of his enemies are, well, connected. Things go wrong. And your bond with your dom is tested in many ways…

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💕 Bucky & the Beast by @thejamesoldier

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💕 House Pride by @delusionalwriterr

After encountering Bucky during a Quidditch game, both of you grow attached to each other. But is the attraction enough to overcome the disapproval of your brother, Tony, and the messy past between your families?

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💕 Meet Me In The Hallway by @yikeswtfmate

Y/N and Bucky have hated each other since they were children and now they’re forced to live together, whether they like it or not.

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💕 Postcards by @sebbytrash

Takes place after Civil War. Bucky is your best friend but of course you’re in love with him. He goes off to travel the world and rediscover himself, sending you Postcards along the way, whilst you struggle with your feelings.

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💕 x by @moteldwelling

(this isn’t a fic but it’s amazing omg)

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💕 Helpless by @prongsies

Sirius loved you. Loved you enough to let you go. Loved you enough to selflessly step back, allowing you to love someone he knows could give you the love you deserved - even if it hurts.

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💕 What Is, And What Should Never Be by @whoisbxcky

You wake up one morning to find yourself in an alternate reality, in which the Avengers never came to be, and your friends are living perfect civilian lives. However, things are not all they appear to be, and you find yourself facing the worst fear you never knew you had.

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💕 Impaled by @revengingbarnes

You’ve been pining after Bucky for months. A compromising situation during a mission brings you a lot closer to him than you expected.

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💕 Helpless For You by @sgtjbuccky

A blind date has lead you and Bucky to the fourth date. Each one proving that you’ve got it bad more than prior and it doesn’t quite matter what will happen - you will keep on falling for that handsome devil and you don’t even mind.

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💕 Flowers by @bucky-the-thigh-slayer

Love can take a while, but the right love is always worth time, and some old fashioned gestures.

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💕 The (not naked) pin-up calendar by @bitsandbobsandstuff

When you ask for a favor, Bucky (very) grudgingly agrees. What can you do to thank him? Return the favor, of course.

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💕 Rogue Angel by @harryspet

Bucky tasks himself with deprogramming you, a former hydra soldier. Will he be able to show he cares for you as his Daddy or will your training stop you from seeing the truth.

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💕 Saving The Day by @jbbmoved

On your way back home, you are being followed by a couple of creeps. When your eyes fall on the most impressive and handsome Avengers, you don’t think twice and find yourself a fake boyfriend and savior.

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💕 Hidden Lagoons and Seashells by @after-avenging-hours

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💕 my heart, my angel by @paintedface

valentine’s day candy grams basically show how popular you are in the school, so you expect to get none, however, one, extremely sweet one, turns up on your desk. except you have no clue who it’s from.

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💕 Like Silver Glass by @thejamesoldier

Out of all the things you have seen so far in your life – a colorful plethora of alien species, artificial intelligence, an imaginative array of mutants and their abilities, cyborgs, superhumans, assassins, geniuses, etc. – merpeople fell actually pretty low on your ‘Shocking Things That Exist’ list.

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💕 Holiday Heist by @avengerofyourheart

When the art gallery you manage is robbed on Christmas Eve, you suspect the handsome stranger who flirted with you earlier in the day, but instead of involving the authorities, you take matters into your own hands with surprising consequences.