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andfollowthesun · 3 years ago

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✨ Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2021 ✨

thank u @quelsentiment for the tag! this is atrociously late but nevertheless:

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 16 2. Word count posted for the year: 132,643 3. Fandoms I wrote for:

star wars

check please

witcher

1d lmao

4. Pairings: .... lots lmaooooo i have a short attention span.

star wars: finnpoe, dinluke, obikin, obianidala.

omgcp: nurseydex, pbj

witcher: yenralt, geraskefer

1d: ot5, zouis, narry

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: sit down, breathe, and just listen

(ok the fic above is my most popular by kudos, bookmarks, & comments!! so not gonna relink it 3 times lol)

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

it tells us to seek shelter, my obianidala everybody lives au bc i went into a huge deep dive of motherhood, and padme's legacy....... it's probably the fic that made me think most deeply about a character!

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

hmm probably if it matters, and if you notice. i adored working w the artist on this for the check please big bang, but as much as i love ocean's 11 and heists, i am just really terrible at writing action scenes. i tried to skip past the action scenes in this fic and just do what i was good at but it doesn't capture the same pizzazz as the movies. oh well!

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

a comment on it tells us to seek shelter that said i had a great grasp on tension and narrative....... bruh.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

after i finished the first draft of i had no map when i started and now here i am (somewhere real called loving you) i had a full on crisis bc i panicked i a) wasn't portraying the boys accurately, and b) didn't give their relationships with one another and all the complications that would come with a reunion the justice that it deserved. almost completely chickened out and threw out the whole thing lol

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

again, in it tells us to seek shelter i wasn't intending to write about padme & leia at all, but as soon as i started thinking about padme and who she would be if she survived mustafar, there wasn't anyway i couldn't not write about the anxieties she'd have for her children, and how that could strain her relationship with them.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

From even in jest, or as an afterthought:

She stands up and shoulders him out of the way, clanging a pan onto the stove and flinging open the fridge so hard it slams against its own hinges. She’s mad at herself for bringing it up, for ruining a nice morning by saying it out loud, and she’s mad that she’s mad, and guilty, and all mixed up.

“Hey.” He touches her shoulder lightly, and it makes her furious.

“What,” she snaps, swinging around. She’s holding a carton of eggs in one hand, and her movement slams it directly into his chest. There’s an audible crack, which ruins their plans of omelettes for breakfast.

He looks at her searchingly. Takes the broken eggs from her hands, tosses them in the bin. Sticks two slices of bread into the toaster.

“I don’t hate you anymore,” he says, eyes still glued firmly on the toaster. She feels the fight leave her. They stand in silence until the toast pops up.

“And anyway,” Jaskier says, plating the toast, and pulling out the spreads from the pantry. “He’s not here.”

There isn’t anything Yennefer can say to that. 12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

forced myself to write humour, and do a proper examination of the interactions between friends. it's surprisingly difficult to distill the weird-ass conversations you have with close friends into something that's enjoyable for someone else to read lmao.

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

hmmm! hopefully i'll be able to write something longer!

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

@spookside @defiantgalaxy genuinely do NOT know where i would be without you two holy shit thank you for cheerleading and editing !!!!

@usetheforce everytime i wrote a particularly angstly obi-wan scene i'd think first, "i am the only person who'd want to read this", and then "actually, nope, denims will want to read this". thank u for ur comments <3 <3 <3

fandom giants spqr, and jibrailis (on ao3), who all taught me about writing humour, character introspections, and the joys of writing a specific industry/profession in a way that's knowledgeable and exciting but not alienating.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO don't need the city (don't need proof). yeah. on a lighter note, the hospital scene in twist a little closer now really did happen to me lol. and of course, all i can remember is, which is inspired by a real tradition in a friend's hometown.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

uh. don't write linearly? whenever i felt like i was getting blocked on one scene i would just hit enter a bunch of times and start another scene. you can always rearrange/edit/cut scenes later, but your confidence always just shoots up when there are actual words on the page.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

got a narry fic currently going thru editing phase, and some jotted down notes for another one that i might finish at some point. plus the beginnings of a lilo fic where they run a local government campaign ..... unsure where it's gonna go though. i guess we'll see!

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read

anybody who wants to do it!! i love reading these :)) happy new year, and a blessed 2022 for everyone !

#personal #this was fun!!!!#it was so good to get back into writing fic this year. i'm not joking when i say it probably saved me #jo writes fic

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enha-woodzies · 4 years ago

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this is a mutuals mention game! u need to mention one or more mutuals that come to your mind at first when you read the following words (per word): flower, angel, love, chocolate, sweet, cute, gorgeous, fun, sun, moon and stars 💓

it's been a while since i've got another one of these... and i know i should just tag my moots but i can't go on without stating why cos there are valid reasons as to why i've thought of them that way. soo,, here we go~

🌼 flower :: @berrywoo i can't stress this enough you've always been a flower to me besides your name ofc and you're an icon of growth and genuine beauty. no matter how much people trample down on you, you still rise up with strength and beauty and humility. you show them your true self and how we all can be very vulnerable despite feeling all sunshine-y and you definitely put them where they rightfully belong. words can't even explain how pure you are 😘 i just love you so much

👼 angel :: @fluffi ayee pumpkin~ ma child <33 always exuding a bright beam of light and softness, a precious lil one 🥺 goal-directed and driven and what else? needs no effort to brighten up your day, it's just so easy with her that you'll end your day always full and happy :))) mwaa

❤️ love :: @en-amours besides the url lol i love how jo and i can go deep into our conversations and talking with her always makes me feel this kind of depth and solace + this sentimental vibe where just a mere presence of her can totally make you feel at ease. jo always have a lot to say abt things but they're usually not the general knowledge that you'll get from her. her words and sentiments often carry a lot of emotions and meanings. she's so raw with her thoughts and i loooveee that so much. i know we still have a long way to go to build up a much tighter bond but i can already say these with ease cos jo, you are a gem and i'm always in awe and in comfort talking to you 💛

🍫 chocolate :: @jakeysim gill, my babyghorl, she reminds me of chocolate mainly because she has a lot of energy and emotions 一 like a chocolate 🙃 you get that feeling when you take a bite off a chocolate bar and you suddenly feel a rush of different sweetness at once? like it may not look like it has a lot to offer but when you indulge yourself in it, you get a whole package maam. you get what i mean? like she's more than what meets the eye. she's not the typical "what you see is what you get" cos she's a WHOLE lot more 😉

🍭 sweet :: @en-sun wifey <33 ohh nani 🥺 mi precious luvv, always so supportive and sweet and thoughtful ughh might have ants biting me soon cos she hella saccharine sweet my teeth cant even >< she never fails to brighten up my day even when she was still my adorable emoji anon 🥺 she's just ultimately friendly and genuine, man

🧸 cute :: @chuunie aaaaa yuriii my other unofficial child lmao very very supportive and energetic and ofc, i cant leave adorable out now, can i? this loving being pls i feel like yuri's pretty jumpy in person and i would just shower this little cutie with lotsa hugs right away. cuddles >>> & @vrsace-niki my babykins!! very endearing and genuine 🥺 literally feel like biting or pinching your cheeks everytime we talk oh god cmere childddd i wanna wrap you up like a burrito and hug you so tight with my legs around your burrito body 😭

✨ gorgeous :: @entypens ooohh angel, my my, dont get me wrong all of my mooties are exceptionally gorg she a beaut and a gem, ya girl be slayin' all day and i'll be like "damn, that's my girl right there" proud mom right here yall !! at this point i cant keep track of how many children i have on this hellsite JFBHS

🤪 fun :: @soyatenada bee !! this person right here maam. very enthusiastic when her interactive mode's on. she's very analytical and deep too! such a great listener and a person with heaps of genuine feedbacks and advices. very curious and exciting like maam, your energy bar pls take it slow imma have to catch up JFHHS

☀️ sun :: @angeljungwon haziebub! she just exudes warmth and comfort 😌 it feels so easy and relaxing talking to hazel, like you can approach her at any time of the day and scream at her about something that made your stomach do backflips ykwim babe 😉 and she would immediately ride in the vibe and get along with your silliness or whatever... until the vibe dies out cos my energy is very limited pls im a hag

🌙 moon :: @miffythoughts eyyy miffy~ i totally loveeee miffy's appreciation to the wonderful, little things in life. i get that a lot of people do cos i myself adore little things as much as yall can imagine but there's something with the way miffy portrays those details and emotions. she just gets that feeling and i am in awe of how intricate she goes into describing these beauties. she's very deep and beautiful, inside and out. she knows what she's doing and what she's talking about and just... w o w her mind ykno 🤯 i kinda wanna live there rent free even just for a day. lemme peek through those intricacies you mold into masterpieces hun !!

🌟 stars :: @serendipitysung andiii, ma lifesaver andi HAHA andi sure is a bright jewel. she seems timid sometimes and in other times, she's loud. but she's just right 😉 she doesn't say much but you'll always have this sense of security and safety cos you know she's just right there beside you, no words needed to let you know that. i enjoy her feedbacks and appreciation and support towards my writing endeavors and how she's always so nice it feels like she embraces you in warmth and comfort that you just wanna snurfle under her chin and stay there because dang, feels so homey might wanna camp in here along with the sweetest aroma from fragrant candles surrounding around <33

#thank you anon this was really fun!!!#cutee.mail 💌#tag games #moot.moots ✨

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atinykidult · 4 years ago

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TMW #1—SVT Performance Unit

[angst] [3122 words] — 500-1000 word scenarios, Trainee!au, specific tags with each part, x reader

[a/n] — To supplement my growth as a writer, and to hopefully post more often, I’m going to start this TMW series. In it, I just want to explore different aus/emotions/styles in very short but hopefully still impactful blurbs. Thank you for reading!

[taglist] — @yunwoo @woozisnoots @multifanhere (Thank you for supporting me! It means the world!)

— K W O N S O O N Y O U N G

[established relationship] [trainee!reader] [tw for trainee contracts being horrible]

Heartache is saying goodbye for a very long time, even though I’ll see you tomorrow.

He lets out a watery okay.

You bite your lip and nod.

“We’ll give you a few minutes, then please return to your training rooms.”

“I understand,” he says.

“Yes.”

The door clicks shut, and you both look at each other.

His eyes are bright with tears; yours are, too.

You let out a tired yet almost humored snort. Watery eyes, tired hearts. It’s ironic. This is how you and Soonyoung got together in the first place.

You were a good thing, and you were incredibly good for each other.

After all, trainee life is hard. And the closer to debut, the further away you get from any non-idol humans.

And to be at a company with two groups nearing that fabled debut?

Your shared manager’s exhausted admission sums it up: “This is my fault. The company’s, really. We should have expected two overworked trainees to find comfort in each other.”

Soonyoung wetly clears his throat. “I—I am so, so sorry. I…”

You shake your head. “Don’t be.”

He meets your eyes, expression fiercely argumentative.

“We both knew what we were doing.”

His shoulders, usually shaking in laughter or holding themselves strong for choreography, are hunched over. For being the cause for that, you hate yourself.

“‘We both knew what we were doing,’” he murmurs. “I… I guess we did.”

More than viciously heartbroken, you just feel bone tired. Even now, you wish you could lean against Soonyoung and feel him lean against you in return. You’d spent many hours that way, silent in your mutual understanding.

Now there’s a table between you.

A contract laying between you.

No comfort, no soft touches—only two pens.

“We should sign.” You don’t raise your hand, despite your words. “Get it over with.”

You can’t feel your face.

Soonyoung’s lips are pressed so tightly together you wonder if they’ll bruise. Distantly, your insides curl when you recall the color they turn when they do.

“Right,” he agrees, not reaching for a pen either.

He tearfully stares at you, memorizing the way you stare back at him.

The thing that had attracted you to each other so powerfully?

Your sheer determination, mirrored in the other.

And also...

Your shared dream to debut.

A tear falls down his cheeks, and you can’t help yourself when you reach over and wipe them away with the pads of your thumbs.

Instead of whispered words of, we’ll get there, together, you can only offer him this:

“Keep working on that fluidity.” Your voice shakes a little. “You’ve been getting so much better.”

Your way of saying: I’ll miss you. I’ll watch your growth and be proud of you.

“You, too—with your locks.” He sounds like someone’s strangling him. “Even Jihoon was saying how much you’ve improved.”

His way of saying: I love you. I’ll watch you, too.

You both reach for your pens.

“See you after five thousand,” he says, hand hovering over the paper.

There’s a meteor in your throat, moving down and down. You shake your head wordlessly.

With your inability to reply, he signs his name.

You sign yours.

With the sound of your pen dropped to the table, the meteor meets your heart and pushes it down and down and down....

Trainees Kwon Soonyoung and Y/L/N Y/N shall not interact again until either of two conditions.

Condition A) The latter of the two reaches their group’s third anniversary.

Condition B) The event of both eventual groups acquiring 500k sales on a single album.

— W E N J U N H U I

[angst with lighthearted aspects] [could be “canon” setting] [childhood friends]

Heartache is saying goodbye and leaving things unsaid.

You and Junhui—childhood friends to best friends to something a little too tender to be platonic—well.

There’s the whole story, really.

No verb needs to be added.

As you stare at your phone, you huff out a chuckle.

You blame PMS when your eyes well up a little, scrolling through the many selcas Junhui has sent you. It warms your heart whenever he sends you them. Even though, or rather because, he has little phone time, it means the world that he sends you a quick selca every so often.

It also makes your pathetic heart scream a little.

Not from a stabbing pain, not a scream saying I’m on a 9/10 on the pain scale, SOS!

A scream more like I feel a little helpless to my pain, and it aches dammit, and I should have just told him I loved him.

As one of your alarms goes off, you scream into your elbow.

Back to the books.

Heartache masks itself under warm memories and whispers of comfort.

Junhui, for all his loudness and talking much too fast, knows his heart. He understands what he feels, most of the time, and he knows what he wants.

He wants to debut with the other trainees in the Seventeen Project.

Right now, he wants to eat a delicious supper. Then he wants to sleep until he wakes up naturally.

Then, he wants a three day vacation so he can go home and reminisce childhood schoolyard games with a certain best friend. And maybe say those particular words...

Well, that’s not a want.

It’s a wish.

And while his stomach flutters at the thought of it, the reality of the ache in his muscles pulls his attention away from the pleasant fantasy of those wishes.

For now, it’s time to focus on wants and learning new choreography.

But maybe, in ten years, maybe….

Maybe then, it’ll be time to think about wishes.

The day Junhui left your hometown, you saw him off. Although you couldn’t see him to the plane itself, you shared breakfast with him and spent every minute together until his family left in their car.

At one point, he and you were sitting on his bed, staring at an unnaturally clean room.

“You know… I bet you’d pass the audition if you tried,” he joked, not for the first time.

“Haha. And I would enjoy trainee life just as much as you enjoy schoolwork.”

Both of you smiled with your eyes.

“But you’d enjoy it because you’d see me every day!”

“And you could enjoy my schoolwork just as much seeing me everyday!”

A pause, then a much too honest: “That would make the school work worth it.”

If you were brave, you would have asked him something like: Are you trying to say something? Please tell me you’re trying to say something.

You weren’t brave.

“Then why are you leaving me all alone?! Huh?! To suffer all by myself?! Do you know how many credits I’m taking?”

“And you’re leaving me to a bunch of foreigners!! So what about that?!”

“I’m not the one leaving!”

Insert spluttering.

And laughter.

So much obnoxious laughter.

It was a good last day together.

It was a warm goodbye.

But, want to know something that sometimes makes your heart scream a little?

Wondering if you could have made that last day even better if you had been brave.

— X U M I N G H A O

[one-sided pining] [TW for slight age difference/feelings for an authority figure][favorite of this set]

Heartache is falling for someone untouchable.

First of all, don’t point any fingers at him.

Having the vocal instructor be a beautiful, attractive, and young person? Who compliments trainees in their native tongue? And sits with them at lunch?

It’s like the higher ups are trying to weed out the trainees via dating clause.

Second of all, and corollary of the first point: Minghao’s not the only one.

“Our teacher’s the best!” Junhui crows in his ear, Mandarin a little too breathless.

Minghao lets out a little grunt in response.

“I didn’t know our teacher could dance, too!”

“Seonsaengnim is very talented,” one of the Korean trainees says to Minghao, ignorant to Jun’s words.

Minghao wills his cheeks to not show anything.

“Really!” someone else says.

He groans at his thumping heart.

Third of all, it’s not like the feelings will last.

Shortly after the dancing display, Seonsaengnim sits with Minghao, Junhui, and a few other trainees at lunch. Here, Minghao learns something very important about their young instructor.

“Yeah, I was a trainee just like you three!” you say, hoping this conversation doesn’t take a poor turn. “Honestly, I think it was only a little over a year ago.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, how did you end up a teacher here?” Jihoon doesn’t mention any of the trainees’ popular assumptions in his question.

Seonsaengnim must not have been as good as everyone else.

Maybe all the other trainees were more beautiful.

Honestly, I bet that’s it.

Minghao doesn’t quite know it for sure, but he knows that Jihoon, like himself, worries that he won’t debut because of his visuals. Korean entertainment… just isn’t fair.

“Korean entertainment goes through its phases.” It’s like you read his thoughts. Minghao can tell you’re sifting through your thoughts very carefully, choosing your words not unlike the way he often does. Trying to find the words. The right way to articulate best intentions. “For me, I was good enough that even though I couldn’t debut, the company thought I was worth keeping around. That was honestly very…” He's fascinated by the way your tongue peaks out to wet your lips. “Very complimentary. Of them, to me. I’m thankful.”

“Do you think you could debut in the future?” someone asks, stupidly.

“No.” Minghao is surprised to see your lips begin to smile so sincerely. “But I’m looking forward to helping you all debut.”

There’s no bitterness in your tone.

Something in him stirs fiercely. He wishes he could have that surety.

When you smile warmly at him, tilting your head as you study his expression, the buzz that courses through him is surely the way Soonyoung would feel if he ever met Taemin. Surely.

It’s admiration, that’s all it is.

Fourth of all, it was inevitable, really.

“Minghao, can we talk for a minute?”

He nearly jumps at the Mandarin.

There’s rage sitting in his stomach right now—at the company, at the guest instructor, at the mistakes he made today, at his own pathetic face.

Minghao just wants to disappear for a while.

But he can’t say no. Doesn’t want to, to this one staff member.

“Of course.”

You sit next to him, back to the studio’s mirror.

“I know today was hard, but you’ve been doing better the last four practices in a row. That’s incredible. Remember… Every time you’re not going to improve visibly. That would be impossible.”

“Thanks.”

“And that instructor is a piss poor excuse for a—oh, sorry. I shouldn’t be teaching you those kinds of words—”

“Seonsaengnim, I won’t be telling anyone on you.” He can feel the corners of his lips twitching up, despite himself.

“Just… Know you’re already working hard enough. You don’t need to be… ‘working double because you don’t have the visuals.’” You run an aggressive hand through your hair and let out a righteously indignant noise. “Just… You’re so talented, and I honestly think you look perfectly attractive. So… Just… Ugh. Know that you’re unofficially my favorite. And I hope today doesn’t stick with you. Damn, that was a horrible instructor...”

Minghao can’t help but flush at the praise, and how intimate it feels for you to be here. Sitting with him. Rambling to him so that he’ll feel better.

This talk will stick with him.

But only for the best reasons.

You take his hand; squeeze it once reassuringly.

“You’re going really far. Remember that.”

He meets your eyes, heartbeat galloping.

It was inevitable.

Fifth of all, it’s not like he’ll ever say anything.

“Today’s my last day with you! I’m so proud of you all for making it this far.”

It’s not like he’ll ever have the chance.

“Thank you for everything, Seongsaengnim!”

“Yes, thank you!”

“You were our best teacher!”

Minghao freezes.

It feels like someone took all the warmth he had felt from that talk, and drained it from him. And decided that, you know what? For the hell of it, let’s just dump some ice cubes in there. Like rubbing salt in a wound, but emotionally.

The practice passes as quickly as clouds on a windy day.

Then, suddenly, you’re hugging everyone goodbye.

Then, suddenly, you’re fondly ushering the last of the trainees through the door.

Then, suddenly, you’re brushing his sweaty hair out of his eyes.

“Minghao, you’ve made it to the debut lineup. I’m so proud of you.”

You say more, but his mind is empty except for the panic settling in.

He’ll never get to say anything.

He grabs your wrist.

“Seonsaengnim, you can’t be leaving.”

A surprised frown. “I can’t?”

I need you to stay with me throughout my career.

I need you to keep watching me improve, with that proud look in your eye.

I need—

Minghao can’t find any Korean to answer with, leaving him nearly in tears.

He feels hysterical.

And you hug him.

And the tears fall.

“I’ll miss you too, Minghao.”

I love you.

So I need you to stay.

“I’ll be watching the headlines for your name, and when I see it, I’ll be telling my new trainees, ‘He was my favorite!’” A pure, bright grin against his sweaty hair. “You’ve made it, Hao! You don’t need to be crying over me.”

That’s not the words that will make me feel better.

“I—I—”

Minghao knows the three Korean syllables.

But it’s not like he’ll ever say them.

— L E E C H A N

[angst] [exes]

Heartache is pouring out my regrets out on stage, knowing you’ll never see it.

Chan doesn’t know why he’s feeling this way, this minute, this song.

But he is.

It’s trainee evaluation day; his focus should be unwavering.

Yet, as he takes his spot with the other three trainees, he feels that familiar wave of regret bowl his heart over.

His memories of you flash through his head as he lowers it, waiting for the music to play.

Those memories are bowling pins in his mind, one toppling into another and that pin into another—

And Chan, being who he is, aims for a strike every single time.

“It’s alright you cancelled today—I know being a trainee leaves you no time.”

“I’m sorry. I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

The first one always falls, and then the next.

“I understand. It’ll be worth it when you make it to the big stage.”

“Only if you’re in the front row.”

“Talk soon.”

The second pin rushes into the third.

“I have to go in a minute. But you were trying to tell me?”

“It’s… no, it’s nothing, babe. Dance good. And… maybe—call me soon?”

“I promise I’ll call right after.”

And the next ones always fall much faster.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call last night. We were all so exhausted, and I just couldn’t deal with y—”

He stops himself in time, but the damage is done.

“You just couldn’t deal with me? Well, you know what, Lee Chan. Maybe right now I can’t deal with you.”

And then they all fall indiscriminately, until the last few are teetering, wobbling...

The music plays, and muscle memory sweeps Chan’s body away into the choreography.

“No, Chan, you don’t need to apologize. I understand exactly how we stand. I really do believe you, don’t worry about that. You like me, but not as much as yourself! And your ‘dreams.’ I understand completely.” Your voice is a both a cry and a hiss by now. “You’re really selfish sometimes, you know that?”

...And the last one falls.

“Chan, your lyrics are really... “

“Are they that bad?”

“No—not bad… Just, well… Heavy. For someone your age.”

“It’s a heavy topic, hyung.”

“True.”

“So, can we use them for the evaluation?”

“No. They’ll be wanting something lighthearted for that. But…”

“But.”

“I’ll hold onto these, if you don’t mind. We can use them on an album someday.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“No, really! They’re good lyrics.”

“No, uh… That wasn’t what I meant! It’s just…”

“Are they too personal? You don’t want them in the world?”

“Sort of.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, it’s decided then. We won’t use them.”

“Thanks, hyung.”

“What, you’re leaving? Don’t you at least want these back, if they’re so personal?”

“...No, that’s alright. I… I—just, can you keep them for me? I don’t want them again. Ever.”

“Hey, I—”

“Please.”

“You wrote ‘I’m sorry,’ nineteen times. Not to pull the responsible hyung card on you, but I feel like this isn’t something you can… keep away from yourself. For forever.”

“I know. I’m working on it.”

“Okay then.”

“Thanks for everything, hyung.”

“Sure.”

“I’ll just go now.”

“Okay…. Uh… Actually, Chan?”

“What?”

“Just remember that, even if… Even because you’ve messed up before... Just know that doesn’t mean you’re that person for forever. I don’t know if you can make up for whatever happened. But you’re not… ‘stuck on this tear-stained road, for ever. You’re a good kid.”

“Are you going after sappy hyung role, now?”

“You can talk to us if you’re not feeling okay.”

“Thank you, hyung. I’ll get out of your hair now.”

“Chan!”

The song ends. The dance resolves with a final swoop of the arm. And Chan’s heart hurts a little.

“That was really good,” someone whispers.

“For real, I got chills.”

“Chan-ie, are you crying?” one of his hyungs asks. He touches his face; he is. “Are you okay?”

“I will be,” he feels himself reply.

Hey, Y/N. I’m sorry if this is the last thing you want to see. Hell, you might have me blocked, and honestly, a better me would hope you do. Anyways, I needed to get off my chest how sorry I am. I’m not going to try to explain myself. But I needed to try to let you know that I understand what I did was selfish. And that I shouldn’t have let us continue like that for so long….

Five years later, Chan will perform a solo at a concert.

Thematically, there’s a lot going on. And the lyrics say sorry a lot of times.

The fandom wonders what inspired the lyrics.

Chan doesn’t cry when he performs it.

The ending of the song isn’t happy, but it does resolve. The sad chord makes any listener feel a little bittersweet, though.

And, from the front row, one ticket remains unclaimed.

—T H A N K Y O U F O R R E A D I N G!

If any of these touched you in particular, please leave me an ask or rb! I really appreciate any feedback. Have a great day!!

#caratwritersclub #seventeen #svt #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen angst #seventeen x reader #the8 #minghao #svt jun #wen junhui #hoshi #kwon soonyoung #dino #lee chan #minghao imagines #jun imagines #hoshi imagines

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passable-talent · 4 years ago

Text

big announcement

buckle up, gals and gays, we’re about to have an honest, adult conversation.

if you’re on my account because of zuko content, this concerns u

i’ll try to keep this short, but it won’t be. please read anyway

I’ve been on this account now about two months short of a year, and that’s crazy. I’ve learned a lot about myself, my motivation, my interests.

a brief history:

in late dec, a few days before 2020 began, i made this account with my best friend, and she started writing pokemon, while i got requests for atla, teen wolf, marvel, etc, which were not super active fandoms at the time. we gained a few hundred followers very fast, because a new pokemon game had just come out, and the fandom was very active. so i rode her coattails for a while.

the account kinda died in jan-april, whoops

and then i made my grand return not long into quarantine, and shot up to 1500 ish followers, which is certainly the highest level of fame i’ve ever achieved, and this happened because of one boy: zuko.

I struck gold, and i knew it. atla had just gone on netflix, and there was a resurgence. i was motivated by the suddenly insane amounts of attention i was getting, and the interaction, and the requests kept on coming in.

and they just kept on coming. so much so that i closed requests in july-ish, because having a deep and extremely full inbox stressed me out.

i wrote so much zuko, guys. and no matter how much i told myself i wasn’t, i was burnt out of him. it was bad. i could barely even gather the strength to finish the dai li fic, which is one of the things that gathered me the most fame.

this burn-out, though, i realize, was a flaw in how i looked at requests as a whole- as something i owed to my community. that wasn’t why i started this account, and certainly wasn’t my community’s expectation of me in any way- but that mentality developed nonetheless, and it really hurt my productivity, because this account became a chore. and i wasn’t getting the encouragement i was used to anymore because my requests were closed, and asks stopped flowing in.

so i abandoned this account, for a whole 2 months.

and you know the rest- i got horny for anakin, so i came crawling back in shame, and, hmm, i opened requests for anakin, and suddenly people are talking to me again, and wow, wouldn’t you know it, that made me want to write some more! astonishing.

all this to say, i’ve been trying to figure out how to take this account back to what i first meant it to be (multifandom) while still understanding myself enough to know that sometimes, all i’ll want to do is write one character.

so here’s the bottom line.

requests will be opened. yes, for everyone, every fandom, every character.

however, i’m trying to make a change in my mentality so i can keep putting things out- things that i enjoy and am proud of. if i don’t, ill get burnt out, and then no one will be getting any content out of me.

so here’s how things are going to work.

yes, you can request anyone, anytime. however, to keep that empty-inbox thing that i love, i’ll be transferring these requests to a document where i can organize them. for logistical reasons, this does mean that your requests will be removed from your name, but ill make up for that lack of notification by just tagging you.

it also means that i’m entirely abandoning my promise to fulfil requests sequentially. FUCK that. i’ll be answering requests that spark my interests and my passion, and dammit guys, you’re going to like it, or else.

i’m sorry about all this- my flakiness, my shifting passions, my willing ignorance of the people who elevated me to the ‘fame’ i have. i really do love u all and want to make you happy- but at the end of the day i’m here to keep myself happy, too.

feel free to send in asks or pm with questions or comments or w/e. i love interaction.

-🦌 Roe

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panharmonium · 5 years ago

Photo

@merlinobsessionist you understand me on a spiritual level

[putting the rest of this under a cut because it just ended up being me grumping at length about fandom trends - which, yes, i am well-aware is a silly endeavour in all cases, but sometimes you just gotta have your little grump regardless, you know, for health reasons. X) and in this particular case the grumping is probably relevant/entertaining only to myself, and you, and one or two other people here, so, tucking it away to spare everyone’s dash :) ]

the other day i was exploring the mostly abandoned wasteland that is the merlin fandom on livejournal (since that’s my original fandom home and obviously i missed out on being involved in that particular niche of lj when merlin was active, so i was feeling nostalgic and kinda curious as to it had looked like) - i stumbled over a merlin fic-finders comm and looked up my boy william just for kicks, and surprisingly, a couple of the old requests sounded like maybe i WAS involved in the merlin fandom on livejournal back then and i just don’t remember it

i think i wrote this in a past life

this is an eleven year-old comment in a mostly defunct fandom community but i felt it in my BONES

oh, my dear commenter from 8 years ago, i WISH XD

it made me laugh, and then it made me grumpy, because obviously there were very few suggestions offered in response to these asks - the fics just don’t exist, not in any numbers.

and like, the thing is, i don’t particularly care about the shipping side of things for the most part; i always lean towards gen and that’s mostly been it, for me; that’s always been my MO in every fandom i’ve ever participated in, but - look. if i have to witness (*checks ao3*) 23,830 (twenty four thousand. twenty four THOUSAND!!!!) instances of merlin getting together with arthur hecking pendragon, over and over and over again, in every AU configuration under the sun, then you had better believe i am ready and willing to plead the case of the only person in the merlin-verse who did not think arthur pendragon deserved merlin’s entire life.

and of course, there’s nothing inherently wrong with arthur and merlin as an item, obviously (i mean, i can name a few things about it that don’t appeal to me personally, but that is not the same thing as a value judgment) and everybody should have fun with their own ships, always - but for me, personally, there is just...enough of that out there. i have seen Enough. it’s hard for me to even determine where the rest of the fandom is, under the ever-present spread of merlin/arthur content; a picture of merlin/arthur should literally be next to the dictionary entry for steamroller.

and of course, i knew it would be like this from the beginning, and i know complaining about the ubiquitousness of a particular ship in fandom is utterly silly, in the end, because it’s not like there’s anything wrong with something being ubiquitous - the whole point of fandom is to make what you love, and if that’s what everybody loves, well, hey, that’s just how it is! that’s what people should be making - the stuff they love! that’s what fandom is here for! i only mutter to myself in the bubble of my own blog because the ubiquitousness makes it almost impossible for me to find what *i* love, because i don’t want to read about arthur/merlin in the first place, no matter who else appears in the fic, and also because my fave minor character, while he gets a pretty good amount of fannish screentime for someone who showed up in one episode, also suffers from the curse known as “virtually everything he features in is actually about merlin and arthur getting it on”

like - by the numbers, when you exclude merlin/arthur from will’s character tag, will retains less than 20% of his fics, some of which are already like...you know, he’s dead, or just mentioned, et cetera.

and his poor ship tag...he and merlin have 136 fics in their tag, and at first you wanna look at that and be like - ‘hey, not bad, pal, that’s p. good for a rarepair!’ but in actuality, less than 20 of those fics are actually about him and merlin. like...12% of his own ship tag actually belongs to him, and the rest is him being used as a plot device to get arthur and merlin together.

and i am sure that a lot of other side characters probably suffer from this, too, given the general fic distribution in this fandom, though the only person i’ve looked at for comparison purposes is freya, who is a (mostly) one-ep character like will. she, despite that, doesn’t appear to get hit quite as hard - she seems to keep more of her fic for herself, which is nice (when i exclude merlin/arthur from the freya/merlin search, freya still retains about 65% of her fics, as opposed to will’s sad little 12%). i’m glad for her, though - she of all people does not need to be losing fic to arthur; she has suffered enough.

to put things in perspective, though - merlin and uther have more fics in their ship tag that earnestly focus on the tagged....hnhhmgnhn i can’t say it...relationship than merlin and will do - even filtering out every instance of dubcon/noncon.

(and yes, i did in fact want to die when i had to actually click the merlin/uther tag on ao3 in order to check that factoid, thanks for asking.)

so, that said - i don’t generally read canon-era fic anyway, when i’m actively writing for a fandom, but since the merlin fandom sometimes feels like it consists solely of modern AU’s anyway, all i am trying to say is that it would be nice if i could pick up an AU including a character i enjoy without seeing him constantly reduced to:

merlin’s loser ex

merlin’s abusive ex (w h at)

merlin’s ex who’s kinda sorta tolerable-ish, maybe, if you squint, but just ultimately Not Right for merlin - holding merlin back, or being too overbearing, or too pushy, or Just Not Enough - or being someone who merlin stays with only bc he’s familiar and merlin’s settling for something safe and unrisky and stagnantly unfulfilling

the dude who merlin cheats on to be with arthur

the dude who cheats on merlin, bc the fic needed a reason to break up merlin and will so that white-knight!arthur could swoop in (cue me shouting ‘IN WHAT UNIVERSE DO YOU THINK WILL WOULD EVER - ’)

the dude merlin “makes mistakes with” when things with arthur aren’t going well

the friend-with-benefits who’s apparently chill with a casual arrangement, thus keeping himself conveniently out of the way of the oncoming merlin/arthur train

the friend-with-benefits who’s secretly NOT chill with a casual arrangement and who’s pining for merlin, except we all know that ain’t ever going anywhere because arthur exists, and in the meantime merlin only ever gets together with will to try and forget his problems

the friend-with-no-benefits who’s still pining for merlin (which situation, i might add, would be read completely differently if it were arthur in will’s shoes, because if that were the case then the audience would 100% be rooting for him)

the “best friend” whose only purpose in fic is to provide space for conversations/debriefs about merlin’s relationship/pre-relationship with arthur (like - i’m sorry, but there desperately needs to be some type of bechdel-esque test for will; e.g. do will and merlin have a conversation about something other than arthur pendragon? if yes, u win, u may pass go, collect 20 dollars, congratulations)

the friend whose dislike of arthur always, ALWAYS ends up being framed as a mistake. as will’s stubborn unwillingness to give arthur a chance, until at last will sees the light and succumbs to the irresistible beauty of merlin and arthur’s eternal love. -_- there is vanishingly rare acknowledgement in fic of the fact that in the canon universe, all of the criticisms will makes about merlin and arthur’s relationship are not only accurate, but made in merlin’s best interests (and also, ultimately, proven right, by the end of the show - merlin tanks his whole damn life for a series of empty promises prophesying arthur pendragon’s future potential, and he gets NOTHING for his devotion. merlin is more alone at the end of the show than he was at the beginning, when his only dream was to be loved and accepted by more than the two people who’d comprised his entire life up until that point. and he spends at least half a decade in between the show’s hopeful beginning and its miserable end being told that he’s evil by the very person for whom he is expected to sacrifice his future.

so what, exactly, makes will so wrong to be wary? who among us wouldn’t be angry if we saw somebody we loved being forced to sacrifice themselves on an unforgiving altar like this?

i don’t know the answer. i’m not sure what it is that earns will his spot on the “destined to be shafted for arthur pendragon” list. i don’t know if it’s an unconscious backlash to will’s refusal to hop on the arthur/merlin train, or if it’s just a superficial understanding/lack of genuine interest in his character, which, in that case, sure, i’ll give people that one, in all fairness; not everyone has spent a year picking his character apart (though i still don’t think it justifies tossing him in there just because the fic needs a random insert who can be positioned as inferior to arthur’s gloriousness). either way, the end result is that we usually end up seeing a will who has very little in common with his source material, or who needs to ultimately step aside to make way for arthur - arthur, who never displays the same level of care toward merlin in canon that merlin shows toward him, and who actively oppresses merlin’s people for the entire duration of their relationship.

like...it’s all just fic, obviously, and we can make characters as OOC as we want; have fun; go wild. but at the same time, it’s impossible for me not to balk at how arthur in some of this fic is just - utterly unrecognizable. in comparison with fic!will, arthur is the most Solicitous, Gentle, Understanding, Deeply Concerned, Invested-In-Merlin’s-Welfare-and-Inner-Thoughts creature you ever did see, and I’m just over here like - it is not like that! it is NOT LIKE THAT! IT HAS LITERALLY NEVER BEEN LIKE THAT. arthur pendragon in fic sometimes interacts with merlin like - he tilts his head and listens like a therapist and affirms absolutely everything merlin says and tells him ‘gosh, i understand. tell me more. how can i help you’ - he goes about his day thinking about merlin and putting merlin first and i just - i literally have never seen this person before in my life. who is this man? who is this unbelievably attentive paragon of caring? i’ve never met him before.

the entire running problem with merlin and arthur’s friendship in canon is that arthur, while he absolutely does care about merlin, tends to take merlin for granted. merlin is just another feature of arthur’s landscape, until something dramatic happens and arthur has a little scare and saves merlin’s life, and then things go back to the way they were. arthur doesn’t See merlin the way he should, not in the ordinary moments. merlin goes home and spends his evenings thinking about arthur’s life; he ties himself in knots trying to help arthur develop as a person and to keep arthur safe and happy, but arthur just goes home and eats supper with his wife. arthur does not go home and spend his nights agonizing over how he can improve merlin’s life. he never once thinks, ‘my purpose on this earth is to serve and support my friend merlin.’ he never feels like he’s supposed to be half of some two-sided coin. i know people like to give arthur this quality in their fic - and that’s totally fine, of course, it’s fic, have as much fun as you want - but in canon, that is just not something arthur pendragon does. it’s not who he is shown to be.

and yet almost every time when i go to explore fandom, i find that the person who does put merlin first in canon is perpetually elbowed aside for this extremely generous interpretation of everyone’s favorite prince.

and i just...i always try to find the good bits in everything, and i am sometimes willing to overlook a ship i don’t personally enjoy if there’s something else about the piece that i think is great, but there’s only so many times i can read the sentence “merlin had never felt like this with anyone, not even will” in fics where merlin and will are supposed to have been dating or even married/engaged, or “will was merlin’s best friend, but he just didn’t understand” (not like arthur, of course, who merlin literally just met a week ago), or “will was great, but there was only so much of him merlin could stand in one sitting/will was great, but he was best enjoyed in small doses.” there’s only so many times i can read a hundred different variations of that before i start to get real grumpy. and that’s not even touching the fics where will’s portrayed less favorably than that, even.

so, you know. i feel grumbly about it sometimes, how this particular character is trapped in a perpetual net of always being less-than, when one of the nicest parts of fandom for me is that every character/ship can have an infinitude of possibilities, even the ones i personally think are unbelievably bizarre (which category merlin and will do not even fall into, like - it’s not an incredible leap. merlin/mordred is a leap, okay; mordred is like seventeen years old! leon/morgana is a leap - how on earth did that become so popular??? - but will and merlin? that’s not a leap.)

what is it about will that makes him so tempting to trample over? will’s only sin in canon was to look at arthur pendragon and pronounce himself utterly unimpressed. his only crime was to tell merlin ‘this dude isn’t good for you,’ about which fact he was CORRECT, by the way - he is the first person who ever chooses to care about merlin, the first person merlin ever chooses to trust, the first friend who loves real!merlin without needing to be coaxed and convinced and taught that it’s okay. he is the only one who ever tells merlin ‘you deserve better than this mess,’ the only one for whom merlin has always been priority number one and in whose eyes arthur isn’t even on the map. merlin’s friendship with will (and lancelot, afterwards) is the healthiest one merlin ever gets to experience, and i wish more fannish material acknowledged it as such, as opposed to using will to set up merlin and arthur’s epic romance.

all of this, i suppose, is just a very long way of saying that now that i am no longer avoiding spoilers and have actually started testing the waters of the wider fandom, i have come to the obstinate, utterly inflexible conclusion that will deserves his own collection of happy endings, and i don’t care if i have to write them myself. i’ve already got the gen angle covered. and even though i’ve never written ship!fic in my life, the fact of the matter is that spite can be a hell of a motivator, and i will bite the bullet and learn how to do it if i have to. if people can really be out here tagging their merlin/uther fics as “schmoop” (YES. REALLY.) then by GOD, i swear, there are no excuses - this fandom can accommodate literally anything; there’s no reason it can’t accommodate stories where will wins. let this kid have his good ending. arthur pendragon can fall in love with merlin 23,830 times despite his and merlin’s ship flying in the face of canon, and that means will deserves his own tiny handful of stories to be actually about him, without his and merlin’s relationship being used solely as a stepping stone on the way to merlin and arthur’s 23,831st triumph.

i am just saying - if uther pendragon can fall in love with merlin and have it tagged as ‘fluff,’ then for the love of all that is good, we can give will his moment. let will enjoy the respect he should have earned from us when he died saving both merlin and arthur’s lives. let will be a person in his own right, instead of a plot device sacrificed to the (in)glorious altar of merthur. let will have an inner life of his own. let will have a best friend who doesn’t treat him like an accessory to The Greatest Love Story Ever Told. let will himself live out The Greatest Love Story Ever Told, for once. let will get his guy. i may tend to focus on friendship in my own work, but there are a lot of universes out there, and when it comes to someone who has always been so alone, and so singularly focused on merlin’s wellbeing, i’m not entirely sure if friendship even feels anything different to “in love” for will at all, in at least some of these places.

let will have his happy tags. he’s been on his own for so much of his life - let him have his simple ‘friendship’, his ‘platonic love,’ his ‘found family.’ let him have his lovestruck ‘pining,’ ‘friends-to-lovers,’ ‘angst with a happy ending,’ too, and let him keep those tags for himself. let characters who aren’t arthur pendragon have their love stories.

i may not care much for shipping, and i would rather read gen any day of the week, but let me tell you right now, i would rather write will and merlin settling down in a haze of domestic bliss 23,830 times before i would ever want to watch merlin ditch him yet again for a dude who never matched merlin’s level of caring and investment in the canon ‘verse.

#the once and future slowburn #no kings no masters #fandom #thank you for coming to the extended version of my ted talk #ultimately i know it's silly to be so invested #in something this small #and i constantly struggle with feeling...bizarrely self-conscious about like - even writing things like this because #it's so inconsequential and then i feel silly for being so interested #and using so many words for such a little thing #you know like when you're young and you get embarrassed about being so passionate about some niche interest #i feel like someone is looking at me and being like 'BOY THAT GIRL IS STUPID'#(why you ask???)#(i don't know; it's ridiculous!)#but then there's like another voice in my head yelling 'THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT FANDOM IS FOR'#'fanatic domain'#you're SUPPOSED to be fanatically obsessed about something; that is literally the point #people devote whole blogs to their tiny niche interests and their favorite pairings and they post incessantly about one thing #and i never think that's weird #that's just fandom #so i just have to like - chill out about myself lol #i am allowed to make innumerable posts about something only i care about #and i am allowed to be as passionate about tiny niche things as i want #that is literally the purpose of fandom and i just have to keep reminding myself of that #i have no trouble remembering it when it comes to other people's interests #but i always get self-conscious about my own #ANYWAY I'M WORKING ON IT #but in the meantime i'm having fun #which is the entire point of being a fan so #all is well #:D

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stardust-make-a-wish · 4 years ago

Note

Do you have any fic recs for haikyuu and fruits basket? c:

ANON I GOT SO EXCITED WHEN I SAW THIS ASK I LOVE TALKING AB FICS BUT IM GONNA NEED U TO BE MORE SPECIFIC RE: HAIKYUU PLS there r so many pairings its hard to rec stuff unless i know what ur looking for.........i guess ill just rec a bunch of diff ones then !!! (disclaimer i am Bad at summaries- rambling ahead bc i cant control myself hxjsh)

i actually dont read too much fruba fic but these two r v good i love

must be love on the brain (that's got me feelin' this way)

💌　kyoru - 4.3k words | “Tohru has a secret admirer. Everyone reacts to it accordingly. Except Kyo.”

it has.......a rooftop scene......its got that good kyoru pining.....its so good ... (honestly this authors kyoru is just *chefs kiss* just go through their frba tag)

my heart on your sleeve

🧣　kyoru - 3.7k words | “In which stealing your boyfriend’s clothing is an art, and Tohru Honda has perfected it.”

,,,, post curse fluff.....established relationship kyoru ufhdhfgcg i die this is so cute and just....rlly good vibes

alrigjt OK so i have.........a lot of hq fic recs........ if u want like all of them here r my hq bookmarks u can sort through them theyre all gems but ill list like a few of my favs !! this is just going to b ship stuff bc i dont read too much gen <//3

• (mostly)canon compliant:

your wide eyes are the only light i know

🌱 bokuaka - 9.2k

kind of like...how their relationship develops over time., its a bunch of really soft moments i love it.. i cant do it justice in this description but its so so lovely...(this author writes the SOFTEST bokuakas i am in sha mble s... pls check out their fics)

From Tokyo and Osaka, With Love

🌻 bokuaka - 8.2k | akaashi and his birthdays from 17-21, or five years' worth of birthdays spent with bokuto

i,, adore ts bkak and this fic is SO HFJFJD i love it a lot ughhgdb its one of my fave timeskip fics !!def a comfort fic of mine <3 (this author also has a bunch of good stuff on their page !!)

you never have to wander, wonder

🍨 sunaosa - 23k | Between food sharing, intimate conversations, special smiles, and thousand-word pictures, this is how Suna tries to not deal with a crush.

honestly i am not even the biggest sunaosa stan but this fic is just so much fun !! i actually.. reread this one a lot FHDJ i have a few fics that i just tend to read when im sad & this is one of them ! its got summer vibes, v v good friendship dynamics + miya twin shenanigans,, even if ur neutral ab the pairing, this is just such an enjoyable read! (its also got fun socmed aspects.... internet famous miyas is always fun) (this authors fics also slap ahshdb honestly just check out the fics of anyone linked here)

all that you were

🍃 sakuatsu - 4.6k | Sakusa confesses to Atsumu with all the enthusiasm of someone reporting a traffic jam.

this!!! is the fic that got me into skts so itd b a disservice if i didnt rec it !! (yes...check out this author too.......their fics r always so good)

liminal spaces

🚪 sakuatsu - 26k | Fuck you, Atsumu thinks, pointing at the pixelated Sakusa in the team photo on his bedside table. It’s easier than you’d think to ignore loving your teammate.

this fic made me feel things and also its just v vibey. i dont rmbr too much but its like....rlly good hdhd

• aus/canon divergent:

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle

🌿 iwaoi - 66.3k

alright if u like iwaoi & read fics for hq u have probably read this already but it doesnt hurt to throw it in bc this fic is an experience man its SO good. it hurts so much and so good and idk its just kind of iconic

famous angels (never come through england)

📸 sakuatsu - 10.4k | actor au!! its got fun socmed bits via like movie review articles & insta posts n the like its v fun !!! the character relationships r rlly good even aside from the main pair! this one ive been meaning to reread for a while now tbh

as blood returns and returns to the heart

⚔️ kuroken - 8.5k | royalty au by same author as above!! this fic,,, has almost all the things i love in a royalty au and it executes them all so so well... u have... king and loyal protector...pining....rlly fitting vibes,, ugh this fic is so great (check out this author too their fics r v good)

but not for spring to well up

🕰 sunaosa - 40.8k | After ending a relationship with a fiancé, Suna returns home and tries to heal from heartbreak. Here, he finds friends in the form of the Miya brothers, and learns patience, forgiveness, and what happiness means to him.

magical realism/antique shop au thats honestly just so thoroughly written it could b a story independent of these characters,, the miya twins r rlly good & the whole setting is such a vibe,, its def on the longer side but i enjoyed every bit of it!! all the magical lore was super cool n its just. so good man...

a certain slant of light

⛅️ bokuaka - 18.4k | akaashi is an author in need of help. bokuto is a witch who sells him a little light.

i actually just read this fic yesterday but i was rly going through it so i thought id include it fjfhg,, its a magic au still in a modern setting, (lowkey ghibli vibes honestly) and the slow build of akaashi dealing w his problems and growing more fond of these ppl he meets... its so lovely....u become so attached to the setting and characters and their relationships u rlly end up feeling right along w him........it has a happy end though dont worry i would never rec a fic that doesnt end happy mostly bc i myself cant handle it LOL. also the words r very pretty. thats def not the right way to describe it but im here to talk ab how it made me feel not talk abt word choice :’)

ok this was so so long im so sorry omg but i had a lot of fun putting this together & i absolutely have more where this came from if anyone wants FJDJHDJ

#stardust.ask #fic recs #DO I TAG THE SHIPS.........not today i think #ANON ILYSM PLEASE DO TELL ME WHAT U THINK IF U READ ANY OF THESE ID LOVE TO YELL W/ U LOL #this took forevr and a half im so sorry HDJSJ and its so rambly.....augshdghd #u know what.... its such a shame that bkak r my all time fav pairing but i didnt dven gush that much in the descriptions.....im sorry..#my brain simply stops working when it comes to them #HOWEVER i have read. a lot of bkak and i would gladly rec things specifically for them #also im like. not even a skts/snos stan but like....... the writers for those pairs r so SOLID like theyre so good wtf #like so many of my fav hq fics r of them PLSS im not even that invested in them LOL #anyways i absolutely adore talking abt fics this ask made my day even if i may have over thought this a little hm #long post #idk is the keep reading cut working

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years ago

Note

The opposite of your last post for the ask meme! Like 1, 5, 9..

thank you lol sorry it took me a minute to get to posting these answers......i also skipped a couple that got asked previously via answering all primes lol

1: What inspires you?

hm well just basic stuff like “being in a good mood” lol or “being hyped up by friends” or “having reason to be particularly excited about something” which is all like, factors that Contribute Energy......learning about stuff / trying something and discovering like oh i’m Into this thing, or that for whatever reason something turns out to be more within reach / doable than i might’ve thought, like, hey i wanna get on this maybe.......~creatively~ it’s great to like, see other ppl’s art, and while i’ve sure been Inspired by professional artists, overall i’m more like, influenced and motivated by seeing the styles / specific works of Online Randos like me.......i also Draw to create [self-indulgent (usually fairly) niche fanart which is also probably gay and is all the time of characters i like] so like, the Stuff I Wanna Make Fanart Of (which has Whatever characters i specifically would like to draw lol) is sure directly Inspiring in that way. i’d say i never had that experience of like, ppl being kids and seeing some [distributed work in a certain art medium] like oh i want to make my own [distributed work in a certain art medium] as in like, i wanna publish a book, i wanna make movies, etc, but i guess i Did b/c i was like elementary school age in the early-to-mid 00s and experienced some instances of online fanart like :o :o wow damn ppl can do that?? just be a rando drawing fanart and sharing it w/ other people online???? and today i am living that dream, so good for me lol. and also i’d like to shoutout marge simpson anime, which is a particular piece of Online Art (technically fanart even lol) which was like, unusually Motivating as a single work of art lol, i made a notes app fanart like immediately and then a way more “painterly” piece of fanart that was v directly inspired by it lol.......and i was sure Drawing It Up last last winter when bmc 3.0 was impending / happening, b/c i got into like Just in the dec before, so that was Fresh, and then bam the Content is happening concurrently and as soon as we even just learned that jeremy has glasses i immediately spent like honestly 25 consecutive hours making fanart for that exact Inspiration. we didn’t even know abt the hello kitty shoes yet!!! and naturally im not out here for stats or clout but it is Inspiring when ppl enjoy the stuff i make and let me know one way or another. [tag comments that express enthusiasm in any way.....Appreciated]

9: Do you trust people easily, or do people have to earn your trust?

i have to say i am wary! that’s in part just like, a default anxiety defensive mode lol. but it takes me a hot minute (aka weeks....or months.....) to realize when someone like, would like to be friends or something, so while i can be Friendly and Outgoing w/ people like, immediately, i’m not picking up relationships left and right that are close enough that i’d particularly talk about “trust” or whatever. i’m not necessarily Distrustful either lol, it’s more just like, again re: the constant wariness thing. it is not unlike a cat lmao i vibe with them lol i Get that [approach]....and there’s been times i’ve been like “hmm i sure do Not vibe with this person ever and am not comfortable around them / interacting with them to any extent beyond occasional casual interactions that i don’t super enjoy. that’s me being overly anxious and failing to be personable i guess!!” and then that person Does give that reason down the line like oh, actually, that eternal uneasiness was warranted :/ damb

21: How does someone become friends with you?

yknow i was like “didn’t i Also answer this one previously” but it turned out the question i was thinking of, which i Had answered, was “how does someone become important to you” lmao.....same diff

tbh it’s kind of an arduous process lmao like. first of all i am Bad about initiating shit, and a lot of times will like, be wary of Directly Interacting with people for a while b/c i am also Bad At not being too passive / unwilling to assert anything so like, if someone’s regularly interacting with me but i’m not into it / Eventually Realize i’m not into it, it’s that thing again where my main strat is [v gradually sidle away] lol and just find it difficult to extricate myself from interactions / relationships and so that plays into me really feeling like i have to have some real confidence that i’d get on with / vibe with someone Before i start significantly interacting with / getting involved with them which....is also difficult natch lol like. can’t rly get a great feel for what someone’s like w/o talking to them.......but then if i Distance myself at all at any point will that be taken as rejection or whatever.......and then anyways say i Am talking to someone, then it’s like, also i’m just not fantastic at casual conversation always and that stage where you don’t know someone too well and talking is mostly a Polite Ritual and it’s like oh god don’t mess up, respond Normally lmaoo......i am nervous. and i also have a tendency to just naturally try to make an interaction go smoothly than immediately prioritize / feel comfortable busting out My Personality lmao.....so then even if ppl are responding well enough it’s like ah jeez i know we’re all performing always but have i shown them What I’m Actually Like to any significant degree, am i just masking it up / mirroring the crap out of how they talk?? and also it then takes me quite a while to put together “if someone keeps talking to you / choosing to interact with you for like, weeks, it probably means they want to / are interested in doing so” lol.........and then i’ll take ages more of trying to consciously Be More Myself without *also* feeling like this is too much of an act lol, and gradually picking up like oh they’re still not like, annoyed or disinterested or something..............what i am trying to say is it sure takes a minute lol

also when i Am attempting sometimes to like [initiate interaction] with people my version of being Active is still not all that active lmao i will be like [occasional Like] or [even more occasional reply] or [tag comments or no comments coz it’s twitter and im rt-ing stuff] and it’s like oh wow if we’re not having more regular interaction i suppose i’ve failed or something?? does this mean anything further lol, did i do anything.....but welp gotta have that perspective that Not Necessarily lol and i’m not the only person in the world who might not make friends or even friendly acquaintances easily / at the drop of a hat and u can’t necessarily read way into shit that hasn’t Actually been communicated to you.......naturally though it is easier to have some ~perspective~ and Serenity about all this sort of thing when you do already have some Friends lmao........been feeling (and consciously nudging myself towards feeling) More Chill about say like, friendly acquaintances i have who aren’t raring to interact with me on the reg.......ppl i’ll go months or half a year or more between having a convo with and then we’ll be like trading dm’s for a couple days and then it’s back to not really talking, and that Is What It Is, not necessarily a tragedy, and really it feels “rude” to acknowledge to myself like oh i’m not sure that me and whomever even Vibe well enough that *i’d* be raring to talk all the time either, but hey, it’s also true, i don’t have to be Validated by ppl who know me having me in their friend circles in any significant way......i be out here on the peripheral / outer orbits and i can appreciate that for what it is, even if, again, easier to be more Cool with that when i’m not Only in ppl’s periphery...........i appreciate the pal i have who like, 99% of how we Communicate is occasionally sending each other pics of our cats, not very intimate but also back when i was offline for months on end they eventually went out of their way to find someone to get in touch with to verify i hadn’t like died or anything lol........i appreciate the Gestures of Caring that ppl have and do extend, even if we do not actually talk regularly.

and like also i’m bad at like. idk the main way i talk is again, At Some Length and often about real specific shit lol so im like woop aware that many ppl are not into that, or they might be down for having an exchange like that for a day and then they’re done.........not at all like wholly Against more lol Conversational conversations but i gotta say that’s more of a struggle lmao..........so let’s say befriending me takes some Patience. i kinda operate on [cat] rules. jellicle

25: How do you stop yourself from going back to toxic people?

i absolutely am Refraining from launching off on a ted talk of a tangent that is also me being the [the guy about to throw down a card on the pile on the table and that card pile is like “any conversation” and the guy is labeled “me” and the One Card about to be played is labeled “it’s capitalism” or smthing like that and also it’s all in spanish].jpg.......

anyways idk just try to keep things in perspective, right......i generally am pretty Passive about gradually sidling away from relationships that are bad and so by the time i Have exited them it’s pretty overdue lmao and i get to be quite confident that it was The Right Thing........and just when looking back on stuff it’s like, well if you remember the Good or “Not That Bad(tm)” parts maybe consciously think about the whole of it And specifically the Bad parts / the reasons for peacing out.......also the other day i was mulling over some standard [conflicted / complicated feelings about having cut certain ppl out entirely] and it also occurred to me that a lot of the [conflicted] feeling part came from sympathy for them, whereas from the perspective of Entirely My Own Feelings On The Matter minus that “how do/would they feel about it” consideration, the thought of never interacting w/ these ppl is like. fine with me lol........stuff like this is always Complicated and Individual and there’s certainly no like, one-stop simple Guide To Navigating All This Kind Of Thing, Cmon It’s Easy........another consideration i saw the other day via a graphic on twitter, which is probably most relevant re: say, controlling / abusive Partners, was how like, to think about how someone is acting if they’re saying you should Take Them Back b/c they’ve Changed their behavior, but to pay attention to if they’re trying to guilt you into it / justifying or downplaying their previous behavior / shifting blame and otherwise manifesting the inherently harmful and controlling patterns that are supposed to be gone now........anyways yeah complicated stuff and also just p.s. (and what would’ve been the jumping off point for the It’s-Capitalism tangential essay lol) ppl shouldn’t be blamed if they do choose to let someone back in their life like oh now they’re responsible for bringing their mistreatment upon themself.....no better than blaming someone for, say, having a harmful / controlling romantic partner in the first place like oh well they should’ve known better than to have gotten involved with this person..........ppl are in control of their own abusive behavior and shouldn’t be considered Forces Of Nature no matter how intransigent they are

33: Do you have someone you know you can always rely on?

tbt question 9 lol there’s defo some people that i do trust! love it....

45: Do you consider yourself creative?

another #tbt to question 1 lol.......i mean Yes i am creative in ways but like, who Isn’t, really.......think sometimes “creativity” means “do you like, do Art things” which, yes i do, but then within that there’s art that’s deemed more ~creative~ or w/e......not to mention that i don’t think something has to be definitively labeled an Art to be creative. like, for example, Science and Art aren’t opposites / the antithesis of each other, and anytime defines ~science~ as like, people just memorizing and outputting Facts and Numbers and considers this a distinction from Being An Artist.....wild and i Will fight you lmao. i tell you i can v much remember times i have had to completely disengage to keep from losing my cool at people arguing about “why i respect science but could only be an artist :’|” or “why Art is actually harder than Science and also we’re the underdogs b/c society values science so much more :’|” like.....mf...........anyways scientific pursuits may certainly have a different Methodology (see: scientific method) than art but lbr it still requires creativity and science and art are friends you fucking fools................and then also just zooming in on the Art-Making business here, i also like, have never had any interest in coming up with Original stories / characters and the like, and i don’t enjoy trying and it just really is not my thing, and it’s Funny or something when people wanna say that creative fanworks have value b/c they let ppl cut their teeth for what really matters, inevitably making their own original content(tm)......that isn’t inevitable for me lol and certainly is nothing i aim to do ever, and when there’s the suggestion that if you’re Good enough at ur medium you gotta manifest some of that original the character do not steal shit.........anyways i’m not pressed to claim i am an Artist(tm) or Creative(tm) lol like i guess technically i am both but i have no professional aspirations and my brain does not Do [generate original content] so it’s all like, i’m just out here.........s/o to this time i was trying to do my fuckin thing drawing on a tablet in a cafe and some random annoying guy is trying to talk and i happen to mention like “lol i don’t exactly call myself an artist really” and Guy goes “OH REALLY??? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ARTISTS? WHAT’S YOUR ISSUE WITH ART” like please cool it lmao but god p sure it was a guy who was just. very Around and very annoying in general

49: Do you feel like you’re a good person?

yeah i think i’m alright but really what is the use in like considering there 2 be achievable Good or Bad Person Statuses for everyone........let’s say it’s an ongoing, active state to be in the process of consciously choosing to be Good and working towards Better. especially considering that We Live In A Society which tries to teach everyone and continuously imbues our existence with Bad Messages about how to perceive and engage with other people, and being A Good Person is a lifelong effort and it’s unhelpful to feel that if you’re already Good or well-intentioned enough you can just dust off your hands and be like “well my work here is done” and be unprepared to examine your beliefs/actions or deal with the might-as-well-assume-it’s-an-inevitability that even if u have some noble-ass beliefs you’ll fail to live up to them at some point/s.......so like yeah lol again i feel like i am a pretty good person but can always be better and ought to be aware of / willing to work on that at any point

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crionsbelt · 5 years ago

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This may or may not go up by the time midnight hits or slightly after for me, let’s see what happens! I’ve been working on this since 9:30 PM EST, I expect it’ll be done by 12:50 AM EST. Hopefully I’m right so it ain’t too late gjnhg

For starters: Happy New Year everyone! Hard to believe we lived in the decade where this beauty was created. Nonetheless, there are multiple people I want to thank -- along with a much needed personal note from me. Everything will be put into a read more, but trust me, it’s long. Thank you all for making the final days of this decade very welcoming for me!

@kiidreamu & @theabyssalmuses

It’s rather silly for me to start with you two, because I’ve got quite a bit to say; so here goes! I’ve known you two for...quite a while huh? I can’t recall the exact time, but I know we’ve been mutuals since I went by Phantom -- which was a long while ago. Regardless, I’ve always enjoyed you two on my dash; and I’ve always really liked interacting with y’all OOC! I’ve always had a blast speaking with you two (specifically now w all this fuckin Bear Ass shit). I really enjoy the way you two write your muses, I think you both should have a lot more faith in them because they’re very fun to see on the dash! It’s pretty clear y’all put a lot of effort into your writing, even if you say you don’t, I for sure notice it. Hime, I know you said you admired me - but there’s nothing to admire! You and Kii are equally as good as me, but I’m definitely not much. However, I never posted it (because I had it in my drafts and still do) because it meant a lot to me. I’ve never been told something like that aside from Norgie, so it made me feel happy in a dark time. Thank you both for continuing to be my friends, truly.

@fantasyacrossworlds

Awoo! You and I have known each other for a long time, too (most people tagged here I’ve known for 2 - 4 years hujhj)! I’m VERY happy that we’re mutuals again, I’ve truly missed interacting with you! I’m so glad that it seems Orion and Cass are going to have a chaotic friendship that will always end on Orion running to Artemis LMAO. I’m looking forward to more interactions!

@sanzenxsekai

I already gave you a super long post explaining how much me and Norgie are thankful for you, so I’ll remind you in a tl;dr version. WE ALL LOVE YOUR STINKY GREMLIN + YOU!! Please keep writing Nobu in 2020! Thank you so much for being such a good friend to me.

@mcphistcples

You don’t even realize how much of a positive impact you’ve had on both me and my girlfriend. You’re absolutely hilarious and I’m incredibly happy you chose to start interacting with a disaster like me. As a Dies fan, I fucking love your Rein. You write him fantastically and it’s always fun to see your interactions with BB’s JAlter. I am looking forward to the dramatic reading of My Immortal: Bear Ass Edition : )

@stxrdust-pxper

We haven’t talked much OOC properly, but we’ve known each other just about the same time as me and Norgie have been dating - so almost 2 years! You’re a pretty cool person, I’m happy you joined my new server because it’s given myself and others a chance to chat with you more. Thank you for all the kindness you’ve given me throughout the time we’ve known each other, I’ve never said it until now, but it truly has stuck with me and helped me become happier.

@bloodsoakedsakura / @idoldragos

There’s actually a lot I’d like to say, some I’ll leave out for now. For starters, thank you for having my back for three years straight. Seriously. You’ve been there for me through a whole lot, honestly surprised you’ve stuck with me for as long as you have. You’ve stood up for me when the time came for it and I’m honestly so thankful you did. Every time you hop in call with us it’s usually always fun and stupid (in a good way), so thank you for being part of my band of misfits as long as you have Sades. Even though you’re a boomer who didn’t stop me rolling 200 of my Quartz, I forgive you... dontkillmepls

@yuichiroswife

Speka, you’ve been a great help to me and Norgie a great amount of times as of late. Thank you so much, you’re an incredibly kind person and I’m glad we became friends!!

@muniificus

I’ve known you for 3 years too I’m 90% certain, it’s insane how long I’ve known a lot of you - it feels like forever but it also feels like time has gone by so quickly! Much like Sades, I’m very thankful you’ve stuck around for as long as you have Icarus. Thank you for putting up with my dumb ass, and ultimately having fun in return! alsoihavethereplyforanastasiadraftedipromise

@fakepriest

I’ve sent you an ask with a lot of what would’ve been said in here, but I want to let you know that I’m extremely grateful that you’ve kept being my friend to. I enjoy our conversations a lot, especially when we talk about things like Heaven’s Feel because they’re usually always such fun things to talk about.

Much like the ask I’ve sent you, your Kirei is so scarily accurate it nearly simulates his actual personality flawlessly. That’s how scary good at writing this tofu loving fake priest. I’m so happy it’s you who’s writing him, not to play the pedestal game, but I genuinely can’t see anyone else (not even myself) coming close to how phenomenal your portrayal is. #kireisquad

@arkdiia

Though our first conversation first chatting again wasn’t expected, I’m super glad you came back to Tumblr and I’m thrilled to be friends w you again! Hopefully for 2020, you and I /both/ catch a break lmfao.

@saintguine

Much like Anna, I’ve already told you what I wanted to here in the form of an ask a few hours ago - however, I do wish to say smth that I’m sure a lot of people feel. Regardless of how you think about yourself, you’re a very good person BB and we’re all very blessed to know you. You’re absolutely one of my best friends, and though there was a point where we lost communication for a bit, I’m very grateful our friendship is the exact same.

We all care u BB, thank u for bein gud to all of us

Kayla & Sere

This post is incredibly long already, luckily I’m just about done -- but I’ve got three people to go starting with you two!

Sere, you’ve heard me vent a lot and you’ve known me (Kayla has known me this long too) for a pretty damn long time if you ask me, 3 years may not seem like a lot to people, but with all the stuff we’ve all gone through these 3 years? It’s been a LOT and I can’t say I’d be the person I am without you hearing my dumb ass vent and creating Cursed Night. I appreciate all of your icons, thank you for giving us (Hell) special treatment with them. Seriously! While you are a best friend for sure, you’re also practically family to me. Thank you again for everything.

Kayla, the same of what I said for Sere is said for you. You’re legit like my older sister, you’ve been there for me for just bout the same amount that Norgie has; you’re someone who means a lot to both me and Norgie, so thank you for giving talking to us a chance way back when you were shy (I think that’s what it was!). There have been a lot of ups and downs for all of us, but I’m glad the downs at least had the positive effect of giving me a second family who I love dearly. I actually teared up on this part, so god help me when I write for Norgie.

@letoborn / @uwuwrote

I’m going to save a lot of what I want to say to you for our anniversary in June, but I will say a few things because I love you so very much.

When I met you, I was not expecting you’d turn out to be the woman of my dreams. You’re genuinely my better half, and I have never been as happy as I am than I am with you. You’ve truly had the biggest impact in my life Norgie, you’ve made me laugh, cheered me up when I’m sad, called me out when I was dumb and helped me better myself.

I’m so incredibly happy I got to spend the rest of the last decade being your boyfriend, and now, going into 2020 - a whole new decade with you. Like I said, you’re my better half - I can’t see myself with anyone else but you. You’re the greatest treasure in my life, I’m so happy we’ve had all this fun with roleplaying.

Thank you so much Norgie, for giving me Orion/Artemiis, all of our other ships - being my soulmate (at least, I think so). I hope 2020 treats us both well, but I’m willing to go through whatever as long as it’s with you.

Now, that’s the end of that -- but I have a few extra things to say.

My 2019 has been...quite possibly the hardest year of my life, at least on the internet. For a very long time, I was fearful of interacting with others - I made mistakes that I wish I could take back, I got put through hell for nothing...man, I don’t wanna go back in and say what happened, what is and isn’t true -- the long story short is, shit happened, but it’s the past now.

I want to go into 2020 just..as positive as I can be, I’m tired of the drama, I just want to have fun with my friends and my girlfriend you know? So, I’m finally choosing to move on and just...try having fun again. This choice would be impossible without the people mentioned in this post.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to all of you who have stuck around through it all for me. I’m so incredibly thankful to be part of the friendgroup I’m in, to know everyone I’ve met who’s put up with me. I’ve had so many times where I wanted to leave this site, but I wanted to keep trying to write with everyone -- to have fun with everyone. You all have no idea how genuinely happy you’ve all made me, just by writing with my Orion and Norgie’s Artemis.

Though I couldn’t think of anything to say specifically for the others tagged below here, thank you all for everything as well -- just following me makes me happy. I’m sure I’ve forgotten some people, but trust me, I’m so very happy to know all of you.

@dekirukoto @wisesteyed @lacobscur @akhilleuskcsmcs

#ʕ•͡ω•ʔ ✦ ✦ ✦ 𝙄𝙏'𝙎𝘼 𝙈𝙀‚ 𝘼𝘾𝙏𝙐𝘼𝙇𝙇𝙔 𝙎𝘼𝙏𝘼𝙉 / OOC #i missed my time budget BUTTTT ooh wel #herre's this

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femaleboysblog · 6 years ago

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♥ super(hero) love ♥

| hwang hyunjin x superhero!reader | sorry for any mistakes! english is not my first language!

part i | part ii (final)

word count: 3.4k

warnings: tumblr!au, fanfic writer!reader x fan!hyunjin, enemies to lovers, fluff!!!, minor violence cause u know superhero stuff yadda yadda, some cursing here and there, (1) alcohol mention,

A/N: just rewriting some old stuff :) | gender neutral reader (if you consider dude a gender neutral term lol)

“ Hi y/n! I’m sorry if i’m bothering you, but i just came by to say that i’ve read your last chapter last night and i can’t help but fall in love with your writing, you never disappoint! You’re always so creative when it comes to making stories and putting them into words, it’s almost like you’ve lived them! haha. So i just wanted to ask, where do you get your ideas? What are your inspirations? With love, Genie ;)”

Damn it. I stared at the ask i just received for a few long and tortuous minutes, definitely more than it was actually necessary. But hey, don't blame me for that, i mean, how in the hell i'm supposed to answer that? I can’t just go and say "Hi again Genie! Thank you for all the love, i really appreciate it! I get all my inspiration on my day-to-day life as a superhero. You probably have heard about me, i'm that one person with white clothes that shows all the time - if not every single day, in the morning news for saving and helping the city and their beloved citizens. Most people just call me 'the light hero' even though they know the right name for the supervillains, in special, Scarlet Devil - my arch enemy. In case you don't know my superhero name either, i go by Starlight. Kinda lame, i know. But it fits with the backstory of how i got my powers. Since it's a situation i went through, of course i'm going to know all the details in full experience and in first person, even that one where the protagonist rips his pants in the middle of a fight in the street and in front of everyone, only to reveal his red underwear constrasting the rest of the outfit, that is something i will never be able to forget, sadly. Hope i didn't disappoint you!" Let's be real, i could. Kinda. But i won't be doing that for obvious reasons, i don't want even more people after my back because of this, the police is more than enough.

I sighed, pushing my chair closer to the desk and cracking my fingers so i could write something in return that didn't sound suspicious at all. "Hi Genie," i started, already struggling a little,"I really appreciate asks like this and i'm also happy to know that at least one person likes the lame things i write! :) I get all my inspiration from.." No, stop, stop. I can just go all in like that, i have to be subtle. Normal writers usually get their inspirations in a lot of differents things and ideas, if i say something like that there is a chance that it would come out weird. I think. "I get most of my inspiration in, well, superheros, of course. I read a lot of comics, books and i really like watching movies and animations with any types of heros. :)" Sent. That actually went a little better than expected. "Genie" whoever it was, sent another ask only a seconds after, i clicked on it already starting to feel anxious again. "That's so cool! I suppose you are into superheros in real life too. If so, are you fan of any of them?" Why did they had to send questions that are so hard and complicated to answer like that? The only superhero i know well enough to pretend that i am a fan of is Jeongin, you probably know him by Spark. But he also reads my blog and wouldn't let me live if i ever said i'm his fan, another thing i'm not really found of. Another superhero i'm really close with would be, well me, of course.

"Actually, i do. I'm a big fan of Starlight for some time, what about you?" I answered, my choice of words trying to be as lowkey and casual as possible, putting the right amount of weight in them. This person, whoever they were, seemed to be nosy sometimes like a shy high-schooler wanting to keep the conversation going with someone with that they liked and in a way, that was most likely the situation. They’re the only person who follows my blog for some time that i remember constantly sending me messages and checking up on me but the one thing that was different this time was that the person, my fellow readers, forgot to put the ‘anon’ option on this time, their blog url shined brightly and effortlessly on my computer screen.

This time, Genie took a while to answer, so i took that as a chance to take a look at their blog. Clicking on their url, i started scrolling down their posts. I couldn't help but cringe really hard when i started noticing that most of their posts was reblogs from fyeahscarletdevil and others fansites with cheesy compliments in the tags, they seemed to be a really big fan of the supervillain, my supervillain. The one who puts kittens in really high places where they can't come down anymore, the one who sets fire in close neighbourhoods backyards and gardens to ruin their grass and flowers they worked so hard on, the one who sets dogs out of their leashes suddenly creating an army of dogs or anything that would cause disturbance in the peace of those around him in the world. I want to say i am starting to see red out of anger but in all honesty, that would make me even more pissed. Red is his color, just like white is mine. Unclenching and relaxing my jaw, - bad habit, i know - i hadn’t even noticed Genie had answered. “Oh really? I’m a major fan of Scarlet Devil!” No shit, Sherlock. Duh. “I think he’s a great dude who fits perfectly in the whole ‘model’ supervillain concept! Especially when it comes to Starlight too! They both are made for each other and have a perfect chemistry, they would be nothing without one another like soulmates. I probably sound like a total nerd now, but thats what i think lol wbu? - Genie” They signed in the end, even though it was obvious it was them. Not only did this person ship me with my arch enemy, they were also a big giant nerd and a huge fanboy of the red devil. Rubbing my forehead, i prepared myself to write back a long and sharp reply arguing against everything they said, ready to win and probably lose one of my readers in the process. Or more than one, you never know how many creeps who are his fans are lurking on this website.

Turns out Genie, was a very cute boy called Hwang Hyunjin who lived close by the neighbourhood i lived at, he was tall and acted very shy when he wasn’t talking about things that he liked very much, such as supervillains, dancing and comics. After our argument that day about which one was better - Starlight and the one who shall not be named, we got extremely close to the point i couldn’t go one day without texting him and in some nights we’re one of us couldn’t sleep, we would call the other and talk for hours. Since today, we both had the day free, he suggested that we met in person for the first time and the weather being intensely hot and stuffy right now, we settled in the shopping, going for a walk and eating ice scream while getting to know each other more and maybe even watching a movie together. But if that’s not obvious enough already, i have a major, gigantic, mega, blast, huge, enormous crush on him. From the way he softly laughed when he talked about this new move he learned with his group of friends who danced too, from the way he asked me how my day went and actually listened to me talking about it carefully showing he actually did care, the way he blushed at every compliment i gave him. I could feel my heart beat faster with the thought of seeing his cute moles in person and of even having an opportunity to hold his hands. But, was this a date? Does he even like me back? Would he stop talking to me if he found out i am Starlight? Would he start liking me only because he found out i am Starlight? No, i should worry about all of this later. I took a deep breath in hope to calm myself down, looking at my phone. I’m not going to bring it with me this time, what if Jeongin calls me for an emergency or him being a trickster and ruining the moment? I shook my head. Y/N, you can’t think like that. As much as Nini can be a little shit sometimes, he’s still your baby brother and you need to be there for him when he gets into trouble with your uniform, fists and powers ready to help him. Grabbing my phone, i ran by the door hoping i would be able to get there in time.

I checked my phone. And then, checked again. No calls or texts from spark boy and most importantly, Hyunjin. I sighed in frustration, am i about to be stood up by my crush in our first time meeting in person? Is it bad that i’m getting ice scream before he shows up? Too many questions, calm down, ok? You’re the city’s biggest hero, you got this. - Hyunjin, Jin, Jinn-i said out loud to myself to distract from my anxiousness as i paid the lady for the ice scream but my line of thoughts were interrupted by well, another voice. A soothing voice. - Genie. Did you call me? You have three wishes. - he replied jokingly with a sweet smile in his lips and holding three fingers up. I just stared at him, amazed, not sure of what to do. It was like an angel had just spoke to me. - W-What? - he asked softly, his cheeks getting red out of embarassment. - Nothing, i just...I can’t believe you’re really here... - I trailed off while hugging him tightly. The way he hunched a bit to put his chin on my shoulder making my heart beat faster inside my chest. Get it together, Y/N. - Wait, - he stood back a little, to look at my face properly - You didn’t think i would leave you hanging, did you? - Well, it wouldn’t be the first time that happened. Nothing personal. - i said, trying to laugh it off. - Then you’ve been going out to dates with the wrong guys. If i couldn’t come, i would’ve called you or still had came here to let you know we can’t spend the day togethe- - D-Date? - i gasped quietly but he was still able to hear, his face getting a tad more redder. - Ye-yeah, i mean, if yo-you want to, i’m okay with that with thi-this being a date. Yeah.- he shrugged, looking down while visibly embarassed. - Yeah, i want that. It’s a date then! - i added confidently after he nodded, acting like it was no big deal for me. - Is it okay that i got ice scream without you? Sorry, it’s just that it’s so hot today, i couldn’t help myself. We can go back to the line if you want to! - No, it’s okay. Shall we? - he offered his arm which i accepted, his boyish eye smile making it even harder for me to control the butterflies in my stomach. I was falling for his charms, indeed. After a few minutes walking side by side and commenting on the things we saw on the windows of the stores, i decided i should finally take initiative. - So, what did you do today? Besides coming here, of course. - i asked with an interested smile before turning to my ice scream, the cold on my tongue seeming to help me deal with the hot weather better. God, why is it so hot today? What’s going on with the weather? - I slept really late before waking up and coming here, i almost lost track of the time. - he laughed lightly. - Oh, same. - i replied in a flat tone. Right, cause i totally didn’t take two hours to get ready for Miss ‘I woke up like this’ right here. - Unless for the time part. Did you stay up praticing your moves? - Something physical like that, yeah. - he said, serious. - Did you stay up last night too? - Yeah, actually. - i agreed, regretting instantly. I stayed up all night because Jeongin had trouble sleeping, nightmares which made him cause a blackout in the whole neighbourhood by accident. Me, being the good older sibling, brought him to the energy station of the city and helped him bring all the power back before tucking him into bed and waiting for him to sleep again. If only had it been that easy., tsk tsk. On my way to dragging my sleepy little brother back home, i was met face to face with my arch-enemy straying through the city’s street during the night, his shameless bad-boy persona flirting with me while showing off his dark jacket and threatning to set my shoes on fire making my blood boil again. The reminder that i shot his hand for touching me, leaving a lightburn mark. My brand. - Are you okay? - My date’s voice cut me off. I shook my thoughts away, i already spend too much time thinking about that damned boy who liked setting my life on fire. Sometimes too literally. - Yeah, i just have too much on my mind, i guess. I stayed up most part of the night because my brother couldn’t sleep..I had to hold him until he fell back sleep so he wouldn’t have nightmares. - Oh, i didn’t knew you had a brother! - he looked surprised, rolling his sleeves up while guiding us to sit somewhere more reserved. - He’s not really my brother, he’s like a....consideration brother, if that makes sense. It’s complicated. - In fact, it really isn’t. I really do consider Jeongin my brother, i take care of him at any and all times especially at matters that his parents couldn’t understand, his powers. But i can’t just explain that to any normal person. - I see. I have a brother too, actually. Older. His name is Chan. - he replied brightly. Frostkiller. No. Not every Chan you know is the frosty meanie who happens to be partner with the Scarlet Devil, i’m sure there’s a lot of Chan’s all there, in the world. Far away from here. I smiled back, making him laugh lightly, his eye smile showing up again and making my heart skip beats. He had his chin propped on the palm of his hand, his eyes looking down shyly, his pink lips pressed together in a small smile. - Aren’t you hot? I mean, i feel like i’m melting here even though there’s AC here. I don’t know what’s going on today with the weather. - Oh really? I don’t feel anything, i even thought today was a bit chilly, actually. - What? - i gasped loudly, stretching to touch his forehead with the back of my hand - Are you okay? You aren’t sick, are you? - Don’t. - he stated coldly, closing his hands around my wrist to stop me, his warm fingers digging on my skin. But it was a bit too late, my fingertips touching his forehead already, i flinched taking my hand back, fearing it would burn my skin. - Hyunjin, oh my god! You’re on fire! Aren’t you with fever, shouldn’t we head to a hospita- - No. I’m okay, really. Don’t worry about me, okay? I guess i’m just that hot, pun intended. - he opened a sweet smile, winking - I’m going to buy us something to eat, sit still. - i stared at him, mouth open, still on shock. What does he even mean with ‘i’m okay’? I felt like i just had touched a heated oven or fire. Pure fire. I stared at his back, confused. I have enough experience to know something was definitely up, something not common. My area of expertise. I opened my lips, about to argue back but something caught my eye as i analised his back. Red. I got up from the table, charging at his direction with my fists closed and ready to feed him his own teeth. - What do you want- Oh! - he turned around, his face flushing and his eyes getting a bit bigger because of our proximity. - Give me your hand. - i demanded in a stern manner while stretching out my own hand. - W-What? - he gasped innocently, not affecting me now that i know he’s not so innocent anymore. I pulled on his wrist, turning and examining his forearm and instantly finding exactly what i was looking for. - What’s this? - i questioned, trying to hold back the poison on my tone. He looked down, biting his lips nervously. - Ok, you got me. I stayed up last night cause i was partying with my team colleagues and one of them was so drunk he started playing with fire and i tried helping him before things got worse but he ended setting my sleeve on fire and burning me. I didn’t tell you cause i was scared of what you would think about me, i don’t want you to have the wrong impression. - I bit the inside of cheek, thoughtful. - It doesn’t look like a fire burn though? - he gasped like a fish out of water, i didn’t care about our surroundings and if we looked like a couple arguing, i let his arm go ready to throw my second accusation at him. - What’s this the- Before i could finish and stick my hand behind his back snatch the evidence from his pocket, i was interrupted. Dance the night away, let’s dance the night away! Ooh! I sighed loudly, taking my phone out of my pocket. and turning my back to him. - This is not over yet. - Hey, Y/N. Could you- the voice in the other side of the line said quickly but i cut him off. - No. I’m in the middle of a date as we are speaking, ok? I told you that earlier! I really like this guy and something sketchy came up, i can’t do my light thing right now. - i whispered the last part. -Bu-But, Y/N! - Here we go, the whining - I’m about to have my ass frostbitten! You need to help me! I’m your brother! Are you really just gonna leave your little brother freezing here? - Jeongin whined loudly, hissing noises echoing in the background. I flinched, already picturing the mess on the street with tall buildings half-frozen and snow covering the sidewalks and cars. - Is the grumpy old dude there? - Yes! And very much gladly, Scarlet Devil isn’t here yet. Lucky you. - Can’t you just tell him to calm down? I’m sure he won’t hurt you if you do that, he loves you just as much as he loves his penguins on North Pole. - Very funny, ha. Just come here, you firefly. - Fine! Let me make up an excuse then. - Thank you, Y/N! - he replied in a singing voice. - You own me a pizza. - i said flatly before hanging up. Turning around, my date boy scratched his neck, his cheeks visibly red and hyperventilating. He looked like he would melt away at any moment out of embarassment. - I gotta go. - Yeah, me too. My room mate texted me and he needs help with the, hm, - he coughed before continuing - Caking a bake,i-i mea-an, Baking a cake, yeah.. - Sure. - i nodded at him briefly and in an awkward way before leaving. - Bye. - Wait! - He reached for my arm - I can still text you, right? - he questioned shyly. - Not if you’re gonna keep lying like this to me, Hyunjin. - i see. - he nodded back after giving me a hurt puppy look and letting of of my arm. I felt my heart clench at the sight, i just wanted to hug him and give him a chance to explain himself but i needed to talk with someone first. I gave him a weak smile before going my way, knowing i had broken his heart. Maybe Changbin was right, i had a bad taste on guys.

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ingayderzim · 5 years ago

Note

not to be that person who asks a googleable question but wtf is hazbin hotel bc i googled it and the only “critical” thing i could find was a typo-ridden article of someone saying it has good animation and its haters are stupid. i was able to glean what it is/what it’s about but idk about the discourse lmao

Im actually so glad u asked this. Here's the lowdown, this is my definitive answer to hazbin shit from here on out, unless new info comes about of course.

Hazbin hotel is an independent cartoon by vivziepop. Most people (that ive seen) have agreed that the pilot of the show really isnt that great but the reason it has so many fans is bc of the entertaining livestreams, massive amounts of canon content produced (she has had these characters for years), unique art style, and the characters. (Ass ugly but unique.)

Its haters are totally justified bc of some of the "controversial" (read: bad) things vivziepop has done. Here's the conclusion that my friends and classmates (several of whom are Black, one Hispanic woman, and one trans woman...nellie if ur reading this i 💜 u) and i came to after discussing this stuff. I am NOT saying "well my black/trans friend said it's ok so i dont have to think about it!" this is based on a few different conversations that my friends and i have had about this topic so what im saying is that my opinion was formed by talking about this situation with multiple people affected by the controversy.

One controversial thing is a drawing u can easily find on google (called beastiality.jpg i believe?) It's a cropped (chest and up, but hes obv naked) drawing of vivziepops character, drawn by vivziepop, moaning, with a snake around him. The character is 17. Many people have interpreted this as child porn. I dont think this image is pornographic, i think it's a stupid joke (it was even tagged as a joke iirc) and completely inappropriate but since it's 8 years old on top of not being porn, i think it's just an example of a dumb drawing. That being said, i would NEVER argue that someone who is uncomfortable w the drawing (im uncomfortable with it! It's gross just not porn) or considers it porn is wrong. They are entitled to that opinion and i would never expose them to vivziepops work or talk about her stuff around them if they expressed to me that they disliked the image.

Another thing is that she drew a doodle of two racist TERFs. This is the one where my friends of color, my friends who are black, and my friends who are trans women took the lead. I sat back for this part and here's their and my opinion on this after talking about it and verbally going through this whole situation.

She was following these women (who had done blackface and stuff) and drew art of them. The art was a "quick doodle" that she did apologize for and she said she didn't realize the extent of their beliefs. She knew they werent great but hadnt consumed much of their content in depth. I believe her bc while ive never followed anyone as bad, ive certainly followed some pieces of shit and didnt notice for months simply bc im not online all the time and bc of the volume of people i follow, combined with the non chronological algorithms lately.

At the risk of screwing myself, im going to admit that there was about a year or so of my life where i enjoyed The Amazing Atheist. I was even subbed to him. I was a nonbinary lesbian (2 things he cant stand lmaoo) in catholic school and therefore i strictly watched his videos about theological stuff since thats what was frustrating me at the time. I had no clue the type of evil racist, transphobic, homophobic (yes ik hes bi), misogynistic things he thought, said, and did, bc i didnt watch those videos. I literally only watched select theological ones that could be of use to me while edgily debating my teachers (sorry mrs macdougal but u had it coming). I was about 15 at the time and im 19 now. Im sorry to everyone i hurt by ever having supported him. I had one of his quotes written in the inside of my religion notebook in high school. I regretted it and ripped the page out the moment i discovered the truth about him. I cant stress enough how much I HATE HIM. Thats an example of what i think happened here tho.

One of my friends who is a trans woman said (paraphrasing) "i think the worst thing shes done is that terf art but i believe the apology especially bc it was a quick drawing."

That being said, i would NEVER argue with someone who wanted nothing to do w vivziepop bc of this. That's their right. 100%. I would never expose them to her work after that.

The last thing i remember is something about a pedophilic couple in a comic but i heard it was a 17 year old and a 19 year old. Im 19 and if one of my peers did that i wouldnt say pedophile but id say ur a fucking weirdo, BUT, the kids were fake and being written by an adult so i can totally see her thinking that age gap is much less of a big deal than it really is. Like she forgot what it's like at this age. Idk how true any of that part is tho, i heard that info entirely secondhand.

Another thing to do with racism is that there's a joke within the show where one character says to the other

"don't get your taco in a twist"

"Was that supposed to be racist or sexist?"

"Whichever one pisses you off more"

I thought that was gross but one of my friends pointed out that vivziepop is of el salvadorian descent so that's her business. Like if i made a lesbian joke of equal or greater offensiveness than that and someone tried to call me lesbophobic over it id be like "that's literally my territory."

Oh speaking of which that character's name is vaggie and shes a lesbian but it's not pronounced w the same G you'd hear in "vagina." Vivziepop seems to name characters weirdly (like how in helluva boss theres a guy named blitzo and the o is silent) so maybe it's a pussy joke but i have no idea.

The animation was.................better than i could do, i wanna say the faces and gestures were good but god i remember there was a part with a car and my gf had to pause so i could laugh my ass off at it. I wouldn't describe the animation as a highlight but i liked the style in motion i thought it was a fun change. Vivziepops style is not appealing imo but i appreciate it as an art student and as someone whose friends all like she ra and steven universe where every character looks the goddamn motherfucking same, and while its chaotic and i dont care for it, the style actually works way better in motion than you'd think.

A good rule that i def use is to assume hazbin fans are guilty until proven innocent. If someone says they dont care about the discourse surrounding it and like it no matter what, RUN! They would support the show even if the creator was in fact a pedophile, or had done the blackface/was a terf herself! They probably support some horrible ppl and are probably "anti antis." A lot of them are minors tho so i'd say block and move on.

So, do i like it or not? Im an art student and all my friends like it so while i didnt think it was funny, i do fuck with it. At the convention this weekend my friends and i had a convo that led to me drawing an ahego hoodie where the faces were angel dust (a character's) face. It was a joke that i could make a killing by selling that in a booth at a con.

Theres really nothing compelling about the show but my friends like it so i join in on their conversations, and i do have a soft spot for angel dust bc he's like a worse, less amazing and gorgeous version of one of my characters, Candy, the love of my life.

A lot of people say the show was edgy/offensive and maybe im just desensitized but besides the taco thing i didnt pick up on that whatsoever??? The Archer episode "Swiss Miss" is worse than helluva boss and hazbin combined and even archer isn't offensive.

Im probably not aware of all the "discourse" (aka people being reasonably uncomfortable by weird and bad shit this random woman has done, and other ppl saying their opinions are wrong when it's literally just an opinion about a show) so if anything she's done isnt included in here it's not to defend vivziepop, this is genuinely all i know. I wouldnt describe myself as a fan of hers.

#hazbin hotel #anon

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stayforya · 5 years ago

Text

SEÑORITA

member: kim namjoon

genre: ceo!au

words: 4.7k

summary: when you learned spanish, you knew it would take you to many places in business matters. however, you couldn't imagine that it would create a special conexión between you and your new boss.

monday morning, 7am

you were very nervous, to be honest

after graduating, you finally found your first job in your field, business administration

because of all your experiences as a student, you could get a good opportunity like this

you just took some fruit, yogurt and left the house to get the bus

you were supposed to be in the building at 8am to start

but because it was your first day, you came early

other coworkers were also coming

you greeted them as they knew you were a greenhorn in work

you started to organize your stuff on the table, turn on the computer and open up the folders

“good morning, everyone”, a very beautiful lady came in

you remembered her from the interview day

she was very sweet

her name tag said kim kyeongmin

“oh, ms. y/n, welcome! everyone, this is your new coworker, please welcome her”

you felt smiles around you and smiled back, also thanking kyeongmin

kyeongmin went to her office, which was right in front of the big room where all employees, including you, had their computers and stuff

the place was nice, spacious

and there was also a coffee machine plus a candy machine

modern office’s stuff

“hey, my name is jane, nice to meet you”, said the woman sitting by the table beside you

“oh, hi, I’m y/n. it’s my pleasure.”

“so, if you need anything, you can just ask me”, she delivered a friendly smile, “I started here six months ago so I know there must be some questions”

you nodded, “of course, thank you”, showing gratitude

you spent the whole morning working and there was a lot to catch up on

your coworkers asked if you’d like to come for lunch but you honestly weren’t even hungry

when you were into something, you didn’t like to pause, so you’d only stop when you’re finished

not that it’s good, since you had to eat

but yeah

during the lunch break, when you finally finished what you were writing and took some sandwich from inside your bag to eat

someone entered the room

you immediately looked, cause your table was the first view when someone got through the door

it was a man and the first thing you noticed was his height

he was tall

a simple white shirt, two buttons opened

black pants

his hair was styled in a nice way too, no strand of hair out of place

you could tell he was a serious guy but not a boring one

“excuse me, where’s everyone?”, he asked

you touched your face just in case there was any bread bran on it

“oh, hm, they are lunching”

he looked at his watch

“I’m sorry I thought the lunch break was already over”

“it’s okay, how can I help you? is there anything you need to deliver to ms. kim?”

he stopped for a brief second and then opened a little smile

“oh no, no, I can come back later”

you nodded

he was almost leaving when you, not satisfied, extended the conversation introducing yourself

“I’m sorry for my manners, my name is y/n”

he looked at you

“you’re the new employee, right? nice to meet you, I’m namjoon”, he said

“yes, nice to meet you too”

you didn’t know how he got that information

probably your proactive beginner way of being said it all

maybe he didn’t work there since he didn’t even have a name tag

you shrugged and came back to your work once he left

not so long later everyone came back, one by one

your new friend (could you call her like that already tho?) jane brought you a cupcake as a welcoming gift

“omg thank you!”, it was cute with a funny character designed on top

“no problem”

you had a lot of things to work on

kyeongmin brought you some stuff on paper to transfer to the virtual folder

you were very concentrated cause, in your mind, mistakes shouldn’t happen on your first day

when the door opened, you couldn’t help but look

the guy from earlier came in again

“excuse me, is kyeongmin already here?”

“no, sir, she was but she had to solve a problem at the bank”, another co-worker answered

sir?

“I’ll have to go into her office, then”, he said to himself out loud

everyone but you nodded

when you noticed, you just followed the nodding session

by the glass wall you could see him inside the office very concentrated

“he came here during lunch, who’s him?”

“oh, you don’t know yet?”, another colleague questioned

“I thought he came to deliver something…”

“no, girl, he’s the owner of this”

“w-what?”

“ms. kim and him are partners in business, he’s the CEO, tho”

everything in your mind made sense

“seriously? I had no idea”

“it’s okay, you just started”

after almost thirty minutes, he was still there

by that hour, everyone was making coffee

“so, every afternoon we like to make coffee, and we always make one to ms. kim when she’s very busy”, jane explained the routine to you

“since she’s not here, we’re making one to him…?”, you asked

“yeah”, someone else answered, putting some cream on top of his cup

“and every day a different person does it”

you looked at them

“I get it”, you said, “I’ll bring him the coffee since I’m new here”

they giggled

you made his coffee exactly like yours since you couldn’t guess how he liked it

everything ready, you knocked at the door

he didn’t move his head but looked at the door opening

“hey, hm, sir, we thought you’d like some coffee”

omg are you going to be informal like this and then add ‘sir’ just to make it better???

“oh”, he relaxed and leaned on the chair more comfortably, “it came in the right moment”

you gave a simple smile

he reached to take the cup from your hands

“thank you… y/n. right?”

you were surprised

“exactly”

you were about the get out the room but

“y/n?”

“yes?”

“do you speak spanish?”

“what?”, you spitted that out without even thinking

cough

“I mean…”, you tried to clean up the mess

but he smiled and laughed a little

your boss l a u g h e d a little

“sorry, I caught you by surprise. it’s just that I have a meeting with a team from Spain in one week, and I am not that good in spanish, so”

“I actually… do… speak some spanish.”

“oh!”, he seemed excited, “I asked the others but they don’t. spanish is not an easy language, so…”

“but, if you prefer, I could find a professional translator and-”

“don’t get me wrong, I know it’s not your job to do this, but it would be better if someone from the company could go with me, since we’ll talk about market research analysis and those business administration stuff, which is your field, right?”

did he read your resume too? you thought only ms. kim hired you

of course he would read, he’s the ceo

so he knew you could speak spanish too, it was on your resume

that’s why he asked so directly

“yes, yes, it’s our field”

he agreed, now playing with a pen in his right hand

“now, if you excuse me…”

“of course”, he said and even stood up as you bowed

people were really respectful in this company, huh

he was kinda nice tho

you thought he’d be cocky cuz he’s the ceo

but nah he was nice

anyways it would be a very good opportunity to be the official translator

you’d meet new people

alright, time to practice spanish again

the whole week was ok

you didn’t meet namjoon again, only kyeongmin, until the other week, on wednesday

one day before the meeting he was meant to attend to, he asked kyeongmin to send you to his office

“y/n, namjoon is calling you at his office. you’re attending the event tomorrow, right?”, she was so nice to you

you wonder what namjoon and her were of each other

“yes”, you smiled

“great! you can finish your work here later, ok?”, she pointed to the computer with her head

“thank you”

“tell him he owes me one”, she said when you were already leaving

when you stepped at his office

it was like

a whole new world lol

minimalist but so… chic?

it was so clean you almost took off your shoes to not dirty the floor

there was a wall full of books

he could even live there if he wanted to because it was so cool

his taste was great for interior design, in case he was the one who picked the stuff himself

there was a name tag made of glass with “kim nam joon” on it

he looked so powerful sitting there

but in the moment he saw you, he stood up and bowed too

“excuse me”

“please”, his hand pointed to the chair in front of that beautiful wood table

ok you were so mesmerized by that interior design lol

you sat in front of him while he was printing something

then you saw he was actually making a copy of the paper he was about to give you

it had like two pages and it was full of notes, but very organized

he put some glasses on and, dude, in that moment

he reached a new level of handsome

“how are you?”

you were caught by surprise a little

this is the type of question everyone asks but at the same time they don’t in situations like this

mainly when there’s something more important to talk about

“I am fine... you?”

“looking forward to the meeting. I’ll ask my driver to pick you up at 5pm so we won’t be late”

you nodded

“this”, he gave you the paper, “contains the main points we’re going to discuss tomorrow. I also made some notes and… if you have some question, go ahead”

namjoon’s personality was friendly and you could tell that by the way he talked and welcomed you

that’s why you read that paper and made all the questions you wanted

and wrote down some other notes

you’d definitely spend the rest of the day studying

it was your field, but you didn’t want to disappoint

“do you have any other question?”, he asked

“yes. what’s your spanish level?”

he smiled because of the question

you were very straightforward

he was probably expecting another question about the points he wrote down

“well… I can introduce myself, speak some simple sentences, but I understand more than I speak, so…”

“ok”, you said, writing down

he seemed curious about what you wrote

“it’s just because I need to know what do I have to translate”

“don’t worry, you’ll know”

you frowned

“you’ll notice my lost expression”, he said

“ok, so, I think this is it…”

“see you tomorrow, then”

“thank you, mr. kim”

“you can call me namjoon”

you only knew him for – what – a week

he walked to a sort of furniture where there were clean and ironed clothes

proving he could really live there

you stood up and went to the door, going back to your work space

thankfully there weren’t a lot of things to do there

because, hello-oh, you were still working for the company in the reunion with namjoon

you were organizing all the papers you had to bring home, then you noticed one of the files namjoon gave weren’t there

there were so many on his table that maybe you forgot it there

so you came back

the door was slightly opened and you knocked

you really did

but he didn’t answer so maybe he wasn’t there

and you just had to find your file

so you got in and he was coming back from the bathroom

you froze

his white shirt, usually two buttons opened

was now fully unbuttoned

a great physical was showing

tanned

he must work hard on gym

you tried to look at his face at the moment you saw each other

but your eyes kept coming back to his chest

he was starting to button again when he saw you

“oh I-”, just shut up, y/n

namjoon turned his back

“I’m sorry”, he said, looking at you over his right shoulder

“I’m sorry I walked in, I knocked but you didn’t hear…”

“no, that’s okay”, he said in a friendly tone, it really sounded genuine

“I think I forgot my file here”

it was exactly where you left it

“that’s it, thank you”

walking fast was complicated cause the sound of your heels in the ground broke the silence in a disturbing way

“excuse me, y/n”, namjoon said and you turned to him again

he was fully covered now

phew

“yes?”

“can you help me choose a necktie?”

he lifted two of them

“hm… I’d say the burgundy one”

“I wanted exactly this one”, he smiled and lifted the chosen one, “thank you”

you nodded and walked through the door

namjoon stayed there, immobile

deep down he wanted to ask something else so you’d stay there for another minute

he didn’t know you for long, ofc

but ever since you guys met

the way you were so carefree when talking to him

he liked that

it wasn’t because of how you look

even though he found you very pretty

but because of how you guys had some kind of connection when you spent almost an hour chatting earlier

maybe your vision, your ideas

he found that attractive

next day, you worked the whole morning

but kyeongmin told you to go home earlier because of the appointment

you thanked her and went home

a while ago, you bought a nice dress and maybe the good opportunity to use it would be now

it gave that serious neat vibe plus made you feel comfortable

you also made your hair in a nice way and when everything was finished

not one minute after 5pm

the car was in front of your home

the back door opened

not by itself

someone opened it but you couldn’t see

it was a fancy car btw

you didn’t know much about cars but who needs to know

everyone can tell when it’s fancy

you firstly looked inside and namjoon was already sitting there

you quietly sat there and closed the door

“hey”, he said

“hey”, you answered back

the informality though lol

you watched so many videos in spanish your brain was almost colliding

“just in time”

“I came home earlier”, you were avoiding eye contact

but you felt his lovely smile on you

“¿estás lista?"

“already practicing, mr. kim?”, you tried to sound unconcerned

he started looking through the window

namjoon was always very elegant

the fact that he’s tall probably helped a lot

but it was all about his posture

the way he speaks

walks

dresses

and his personality itself

he was dressing very simply

a white shirt, black blazer and pants

hair perfectly done as expected

“we arrived”, the driver said

namjoon and you got out from different doors and joined the place side by side, through the large stairs

the room was full of people and for a moment you felt insecure

you studied, you knew what you were doing, so why feel like this?

namjoon noticed the way you were touching your hair and straightening your clothes

“you look great”, he said, looking at you, “don’t worry”

the first group you two met were korean speakers, the second one had a lot of english speakers

and finally two men and one woman approached you

you kinda felt it was the spanish team you studied for but when you were wondering

they said “hola”, so you knew it

namjoon introduced himself pretty well in spanish

his accent was also good, it didn’t sound weird or try hard

he introduced you as “señorita y/l/n”

it was unexpected even tho you didn’t know why

when people started referring to you, you felt like it was the right time to get into the conversation

so you explained you’d be translating some stuff for namjoon

they were okay, probably used to it in meetings like that

you were nervous at the start but they were nice

plussss you were doing your thing

talking about your field

about everything you studied

in the end you felt like it was a very good opportunity to introduce yourself in this business world

namjoon had to talk to another team and he left you alone for some minutes

you thought you would panic but the conversation was very pleasing

after a long time talking to them, namjoon begged leave to eat something with you

you felt his hand on your back, close to your shoulders, but he wasn’t touching you

you just felt the presence of it, like, floating over

“you left me alone”, you said

“come on, you were doing so well”

you didn’t know what to answer so just kept walking until the place where drinks and foods were

“I thought your spanish was good but now I know it’s perfectly fluent”

he wasn’t looking at you while drinking

you both were leaning against a wall

“don’t be so kind”

“don’t be so harsh on yourself”, he looked at you and raised his eyebrows making a cute expression

your lips created a shy smile

almost three hours there making new partnerships and discussing about business administration, marketing, finance, etc

you were about to leave

while he was on the phone, you waited in front of the place

on top of the stairs, holding your coat and purse

“so”, you heard his voice from behind you

you turned to him

and for a moment

you looked up to him, since he was taller

he’s taller than anybody

and he looked into your eyes

INTO IT

you felt that

but it was just for a moment so he continued

“my driver can’t come”

“really? why?”

“he wasn’t feeling good, so he needed to rush to a hospital”

“ah… do we need to take a cab? I can call one”

“actually”, his hands on the pockets and his body swinging in a childish way, “he left the car here and went in a cab”

“where are the keys?”

“in reception, I got it already”, he showed it

“hm can you… drive or…?”

he smiled and scratched the back of his neck

“to be honest, I’m not good when it comes to control cars”

you kinda wanted to laugh but you bit your lower lip

“you can laugh”, he said

so you let it out

“I really thought you had a driver just for the fanciness”

“I wish”

“well, give me them, I’ll drive”, you reached out for it

he didn’t even think twice before giving it to you

so you leaded the way

he followed you to the car

and he was about to open the back door

“oh-oh, not there”, you said, “you’re coming in the front”

“oh I’m sorry”

you know when you’re anxious for something

then the thing happens so you feel an inexplicable relief

and it’s like you could conquer the world now it passed

you were feeling exactly like this

although namjoon was your boss, he was so nice that you felt like there was no big barrier between you two

so you felt comfortable with him

you knew the age gap wasn’t that big because he was one of the most successful CEOs under 30

“¿a dónde vamos, senõrita?”

“your spanish is improving, huh?”

he laughed

“you’re a good teacher”

you felt kinda keyed up

quickly back to normal

“I’ll take you home and I’ll call a cab from there”

“oh no, you can take the car”

“what? no, no, I’m okay”

“turn left”, he said

“pardon?”

“my house. you have to turn left now”

“oh ok”

your face started to burn lol thank God it was dark inside the car

and he giggled by himself

namjoon’s house was quite far

the location was private btw

the good thing was that you both chatted a lot along the way

“here you go”, you said taking off the seat belt as if you were about to get out too

“are you staying?”, he asked

your eyes widened

“eh? I’ll leave the car with you”

“no I told you to go home with it”, he said

“I just don’t feel comfortable…”

“don’t get me wrong, if you want to stay over, there’s a room for you”

“excuse me?”

“that’s why I started with ‘don’t get me wrong’, maybe you’re tired to cross the city. a cab will be very expensive”

“ok, so I’ll take the car”

he nodded, agreeing

“tomorrow I’ll give it back to you”

“you could give me a ride, though”

you laughed

“am I your new driver now? it seems like I have a lot of new positions”

“I didn’t mean that way”, he was being serious now

maybe he thought you were being serious too

you didn’t see it as overwork at all

because it wasn’t

you would have an extra payment for going with him to that meeting

driving him wasn’t a job, it was a pleasure

“I’ll come. can you be ready at 7:30am?”

“uh early”

“that’s the hour we all go to work, sir”

“I’ll think about a change of the office hours, señorita”

“is señorita a thing now?”

he shrugged

“see you tomorrow?”

“at 7am”, you answered

namjoon was standing in front of his place when you arrived there

you really thought he would be late but wow

looks like he was trying to impress

he was a fun person to talk to even being quite sleepy at that hour

when you guys arrived, you left the keys at the reception for the driver

and went to your office

namjoon went for his and that was the last time you saw him that day

you kinda smiled sometimes during the day cause you remembered the moments you guys had

talking to him was so nice you forgot he was your boss

kyeongmin and some coworkers asked you how the meeting went

and you felt good talking about that because, professionally, it was a great moment for you

you felt exactly where you should be and it made you create new goals for your career

the next week came

you both only saw each other for quick moments

he smiled at you every time

another week came and another one too

it was a very busy moment for the company after the meeting

new partnerships, new responsibilities

until the day he called kyeongmin

you were at her office in the moment she received the call

“oh yeah she’s here… yeah, okay”, she turned off the phone

“it’s namjoon, he asked if you could go to his office”

“yes, if you let me…”

she opened a bright smile

“y/n, don’t worry about that, he’s the ceo. if he calls you’re the one to say yes or no, just let me know”

“well…”

“I’m his sister by the way, in case you have mistaken me for his wife, girlfriend or anything”

you didn’t know what to answer

“no I didn’t have any thoughts about it”, you smiled shyly

liarrrr lol

you thought she was his girlfriend once

but after some days and seeing how they were acting with each other, you knew they didn’t have any love relationship

knowing they’re siblings made sense

you went to namjoon’s office quite nervous

even at the first time, you weren’t nervous like this and now your stomach was writhing

you knocked at his door and he opened it quickly

“hi”

oh heeey he looked really cute

you greeted him back and got in once he asked you to

“so…”, you said

“I’m about to promote you”

he saw your eyes getting bigger in surprise and couldn’t help but smile

“as my new driver”

“oh how funny”, your voice was funny itself after the shock

“it’s the only way we can have nice talks, right?”, he sat on his chair

“is it?”

ok where did your boldness come from

his expression looked like he was asking the same question

“ok, so, can you tell me why did you call me here?”

“just because” – he wanted to see you, but he didn’t finish the phrase that way – “the Spain partners really liked you”

“oh!”, the surprise was genuine

“you were great, they praised you a lot and asked me if you could be the official in-between person in our business with them”

you clearly didn’t have words to express the surprise

“I feel honoured”

“you should. so, is it a yes?”

“of course!”, you were about to say something else but a huge noise echoed

namjoon was getting a pen to write something but

SOMEHOW

he dropped the whole pen holder

very clumsy of him and it wasn’t the first time you noticed

you both immediately started to pick up the pens

that cliché thing happened, not gonna lie

your hands touched when you tried to pick up the same pen as him

coming back to your seats you tried to lighten the atmosphere

“do you break a lot of things or-?”

he laughed

“at this point I think being clumsy is already a personality thing I was born with”

“deep”, you said, which made him keep the smile

“ok, you’ll accept the offer, then?”

“which one?”

he frowned

“oh, the Spain team one, right? definitely”

“did I make another one…?”

you looked at his eyes

they said a lot, btw

and you found that one of the most attractive features of him

“I just thought you wanted to”

by his face he couldn’t believe you noticed

you were quite an observant and, come on, you were into him too

not to the point your body talk expressed it, because you were very cautious about love interest in the workplace

he crossed his fingers, hands on the table

“look, now that you noticed, I can’t help but say…”

“not that you were trying to hide at all, right, sir?”

the way you always had answers left him speechless

“I find you interesting”, he said, lowering his voice, “and I know work is not the best place for it”

“still you find a way to see me”

“y/n…”

“be honest. who are we lying to?”

namjoon stood up

wandering around the room, maybe trying not to make eye contact

“look, it never happened before”

you stood up too, listening

“I really like the way we connect. and y e s, I know it sounds deep but it’s not that deep, we bond well”

you agreed

“so if you want, we can meet again. somewhere else. maybe on a library, a café, idk”

you smiled at him

“yes, let’s do this”

“so it’s mutual”

“you’re my boss, I couldn’t let it show- oh, your collar”, you couldn’t concentrate looking at his messy collar

you just went closer to straighten it

“sorry, it was messy”

he watched you do that

now you were close

and you felt his eyes on you

you wanted to look back but the reaction would be uncertain

cause you’d probably do exactly what you did

your hand rose to his neck and namjoon automatically leaned down even closer

your lips touch and it was so quickly you didn’t even notice the exact moment

so you both did it again

as if the first kiss was just an attempt

when it felt like you did the right thing and wanted it again, that was when you just let it happen

namjoon’s kiss handn’t rush

anyone could get in but he didn’t care

you two were into the moment

your minds went blank and just the feelings of the kiss took control

his hand caressed your hair and put one lock behind your ear

so his fingers could softly touch your face

you touched his shoulders and the back of his hair

and you knew he liked it because of the smile between the kiss

he tightened his grip as your hand caressed his neck

when you finally stopped, eyes still closed and foreheads touching

the silence took over for a minute, until you were the first to cut it

“I think I have to go now…”

his face was saying please, stay for a while

“I’ll wait until we meet”

you smiled at him

“me too”

58 notes · View notes

saltine-kakyoin · 5 years ago

Note

🎶 and jotaro and also kakyoin AND another character..whoever u want ;)

oho… you’ve sent me another message? you know what comes next bro, u brought this upon yourself….this is us now man

anyhow, AH. thos boys…god this one is gonna be so difficult because I have So Many Songs that are tied to them. as for the other character, i think i will do my boy sergio because i really need to share my brainstorming songs for him before i explode! :0 thank you again for sending these in, bro!! have a good night, ily! c:

this will be long bc i always ramble..i will be tagging this as long post for mobile gang!

Jotaro:

thom- i hate to start this off with a jotakak-themed song because i know some people Despise jk. i’m sorry for y’all who do, but ahh this song has been stuck in my head for days now! :’( In terms of the SDA, i always think of this song as like…jotaro’s bittersweet journey w his feelings for kak. it’s something about the like, ghostly windchimes in the beginning, the phone buzzing in the bg, and the “please don’t run away”s man, ahhh. I listen to this song a lot when brainstorming him coming to accept that friendship is as far as he and kak go. However,“ The pitter patter gave a rather rinse and lather feeling/ As opposed to shitty attitudes that made me bitter after laughter/ And I dearly regretted it” really makes me think of pt. 4 jotaro in any context. We only see the end result of his development from SDC, but like hhh… do you think he regrets being so gruff? I think of that 1 fanart where he’s looking at the group picture + hoping they knew he wasn’t annoyed by them (or something along those lines, i forget the exact line…ahh)

something’s missing- So, ofc not all parts of this song apply.. and truthfully, I listen to this song while thinking of the immediate period after the crusade in the SDA and how the crusaders are all left with this hole in them (..@kakyoin literally.. i’m sorry i had to. also, abdul is the hole). Out of all of them, though, I always think of Jotaro the most w this song- “My dad asks, ‘Were you okay out where you were stranded?’ How do I tell him that I wasn’t just okay… I was so much better?” LIKE DAMN THAT IS ONE (1) KUJO JOTARO… :( i think he comes back from the crusade and just feels.. severely misplaced. Going back to Japan and the girls following him to school every morning feels so alien to him.

tempest rhapsody- this song is just… *chef kiss* It makes me think of like. star platinum’s first manifestation, and of the emotions one would feel during a 50-day crusade to a place you’ve never been before, where you run the risk of death at least once a week…how would it feel to know if you got seriously injured in a fight, there would be a very real possibility that your *cough* dearly beloved *cough* mother could die? this song is my answer to that question

only in sleep- another choir song! i cannot help myself. This one is more for canon Jotaro. I’ve read a few fics about the universe reset where he’s reunited with the other crusaders one last time before everything becomes nil, and…..augh. “The years had not sharpened their smooth round faces, I met their eyes and found them mild — Do they, too, dream of me, I wonder, And for them am I too a child?“ is imo such a jotaro 4 am deliberation

softly- THIS. this was the Original jotakak song, no offense thom. i used to listen to this song on REPEAT while reading nessun dorma, ahhh. so much of the sda jotakak dynamic is shaped from that fic and this song, hghshg. Anyhow, now that I’ve worked on the development of their relationship in the sda, this song is most definitely a song for the jotaro who unknowingly pines in 3rd year and then comes to realize that ah…these are Emotions during uni. during their third year, jotaro and kakyoin do a ton of self-exploration, and spend more than one night floating in the pitch black void of the ocean talking about what they’re going to do after graduation with only the stars to accompany them. they lose this when jotaro goes to florida for uni + kakyoin paris, but they make up for it by calling each other all the time, so “Touch you softly I call you up late at night” made this song an instant hit in my book ghshghw. I adore this song, through and through. ;u;

post-published honorable mention bc i rediscovered him while i was workin on polnareff’s playlist!! DOLLY ZOOM is another really good song for pining jotaro. in the sda, he feels really Horrible about having a crush on kakyoin for a long time because he and his family (that is phrased weird, i am sorry) are the entire reason kakyoin got a hole punched right through his abdomen and spine. they’re the entire reason kakyoin spent months learning how to walk and use his legs again. he doesn’t do anything except bury his feelings because, to him, it’d be Really selfish to do otherwise. i listened to dolly zoom nonstop when i started writing Jotaro’s Decade-Long Yearn because it captures the guilt really well, ahh.

Kakyoin (it is 1:24 am as i’m starting this… let’s see how long i agonize over this part lmao)

ultraviolence- ahh, ze Mindworm Song. I really despise diokak and the fact that he had to spend like…3-4 months with the mindworm just chilling in his brain, but I can’t ignore the fact that he latched onto dio’s friendship and was initially elated to have that whole thing happen. It haunts Kakyoin in canon, and it Most Definitely haunts him in the SDA, and i think he and jotaro have a lot of conversations about how and why and what that whole experience was like. I always end up coming back to this song when brainstorming this year in the au. The beginning just sounds so lonely, and the background choir/ voices really give me the heebie jeebies. Then, there’s the build-up to the beat drop, which really make me think of like. what being mindwormed could feel like? And how it must feel to be so lost in that sauce that you become a passenger in your own mind, lost to the whim of one super manipulative vampire, augh. “You give me love, you know you give me love with your ultraviolet rays” ties into a few of FKA Twigs’ other songs where she sings about not being enough and really obsessively deriving love from someone whose attention is ultimately really harmful and unhealthy, and I think about that and Kakyoin a lot. :(

sound and color- so truthfully, this is my go-to song for any character that dies/almost dies and comes back, or goes through a Huge Life Change. kakyoin fits both of these bills to a T! this song makes me think of getting used to being around such a rowdy but tight-knit group of people who genuinely care about you All Day Long after spending your entire life in isolation. I always think of like, a happiness montage when the second half of this song comes around, and the montage i daydream about for kak during that section is *chef kiss* Sound + Color is like one of the best songs ever, and it’d be a crime to not have a kak setting for it.

first love/late spring- fellas, here’s the kakyoin equivalent to jotaro’s softly. this song was IT, back when the sergio-divergent au and the “All the Crusaders Live” au were two separate things. back then, kakyoin and jotaro’s realization that oh, fuck, they really meant the entire world to each other happened much earlier in the plot. Looking back on that now makes me squint, but I do think that this song is still really fitting for kakyoin exploring those feelings- friendship is one thing, but romance is something entirely different and a lot more intimate. i think it’s a tug-of-war for him, between wanting to jump in to those feelings and wanting to run far far away from them because he doesn’t want to be wrong and ruin their friendship. good times in the kak hole

last words of a shooting star- I really love the bastard fucker side of kakyoin that is explored and celebrated in our fanon, but I can never shake the fact that some of his last thoughts were of his parents (and i think he was sorry for making them worry? which… baby…) and that his polite, “outwardly anxious” presentation was this big facade for like.. the Deep and Soul-Wrenching loneliness he felt because he was a stand user? The first stanza and “They’ll never know how I’d stared at the dark in that room/ With no thoughts” make me think of kakyoin deeply- if his family had never gone to egypt and he’d never met dio or jotaro, what would have happened to him? Who would he be? i’ve always been super attached to that part of kak bc fundamentally… I Relate. but also i am just fond of it because it makes me sob- he deserved so much better than to get murdered by the same man who manipulated his entire identity right at the climax of his character arc….some crimes can never be forgiven, hirohiko….

vertigo- i don’t listen to this song for kak often, but it is a Quintessential Kakyoin song. according to khalid’s twitter, vertigo is a song about “Overcoming overthinking. After every dark days, there’s a brighter outcome. Being at a super low place in your life and realizing that, there’s other people going through that same path you’re walking down. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel. It’s also a story about fear of abandonment.” which….Big Kakyoin Energies. The “Are we alive?Or are we dreaming?” part also ties back into the Kakyoin Parties in a Coma for a Month arc- your mind has a wild wild time when you’re in a medically induced coma, theoretically because it’s trying to fill in the blanks for all of the stuff you’re sensing? And coming out of a medically induced coma is a bizarre experience, where it’s hard to tell if you’re still in the coma and just imagining things or if you’re actually awake. Kakyoin has a mad time in the month immediately after SDC, one that i’m sure he doesn’t enjoy too much after the death 13 fight.

honorable mention goes to i am not yours- this has been a kak song to me for a long time as well. the context of the song is way different from my interpretation for this setting, but AH. I just think kakyoin really struggles to differentiate and understand romantic feelings. This song really reminds me of that struggle, and I think also touches nicely on like. the identity issue of it all too.. “yet i am i, who long to be” yanno? ; J ; it’s hard for me to explain

another honorable mention, my statue sinking. in the sda, after the events in egpyt, kakyoin is thrown into a coma for like an entire month while his body gets operated back together, and then he spends months in physical therapy learning how to walk w a prosthetic spine (kudos to cyborg speedwagon being a reverse engineering madman :D). i like to imagine that there’s also some degree of therapy going on this whole time, also. you don’t just get donuted + thrown into a coma for a month without some counseling to get you back on your feet..i think the lasting effects of dio’s influence are addressed here, but only briefly because it’s not something kakyoin is eager to explore. however, I think that this song captures the like... distress? i guess? of knowing that your life has been irreparably thrown off course because of dio. like yes, you met some really wonderful people that helped you learn how deeply healing friendship could be! but also.. you lost months of your life to mind control, and then another month to a coma, and then additional months to training your body to function again....there’s some psychological stress there. While I think that Jotaro and Polnareff are affected the most by the crusade, I think they all emerge from it with some degree of ptsd. Being targeted by complete strangers at all times of day cannot be good for your mental health, you know? Anyhow, I think My Statue Sinking captures that aftermath feeling really well. Everyone survives and recovers from the crusade, but there’s a part in all of them that is lost to Egypt.

on to sergio!! (it is now 2:04 am lmaooooooo) sergio will be easy because I only ever listen to the same handful of songs when I’m writing him hdhgh

i will come to you- this is THE sergio song. i think of this song every time i write about him, whether it’s the “believe in me…” “also believe in me” lyric exchange that i imagine he has with both tomoko and holly; the “and i will pray to my father…my father…and he will abide” part being about him reaching out to joseph with his final breaths and spilling all of the beans about dio and begging him to finish things so that Tomoko and Josuke, the Kujos, and he and Suzi can be safe; the “foreeever……foreee-eever.. forever..” part being where he dies and his soul passes into the next realm.. “even the spirit of truth [golden prophet] whom the world [..yeah..] cannot receive, because it seeth him not [bc suad defects and buries sergio instead of bringing his dead body to dio]. Neither knoweth him, but you know him…for he dwelleth in you and he shall be in you [literally the entire joestar/kujo/higashikata family being so near and dear to him + his spirit being with them even after death]” and then, like.. george i, jonathan, and george ii coming to retrieve his soul during the “heeeee shallll beee in youuu” part… “i will not leave you comfortless. i Will Not leave.. You Comfortless… iiii wiiiill come…. to you.. to You” part being about his soul mingling within star platinum and crazy diamond because he has a Need, even in death, to protect them. UGH (also his essence being especially prevalent in crazy diamond, which is partially why its power is to repair things!! bc hamon! ; O ;) literally I have an Entire music video with sergio’s death set to this music. i’ve listened to it way too many times.

when david heard- so to be frank this is actually more of a joseph song, but it’s only a joseph song when sergio exists + gets murdered. :o i cried the first time i listened to this, and then months later i listened to it while thinking of sergio + like. sobbed fr fr. Joseph is asleep when Sergio calls him, so he gets sergio’s final message as a voicemail on his answering machine hours after the fact. the message itself is chilling because Joseph had no clue his son had gone on this huge mission by himself to kill Dio, and now he’s dead! however, it’s made even worse because Joseph wasn’t there to pick the call up and comfort his son in his dying breaths or do Anything. it’s just like Caesar, which is. god awful. it’s such a horrible realization because sergio, whom joseph named after what caesar wanted to name his own son, has been condemned to the same fate as his namesake. Thus this song- i’ve yet to come across a song that captures the feeling of hearing that kind of news so well. (also when i tag things as my sOOOOON or *cries my son in 8-part harmony a la whitacre*, this is the song i’m referencing :D)

zombies / terrified- ahhh, these songs capture the HORROR sergio feels upon sensing dio’s presence in Japan really well. (also “I’m going to eat you alive/please don’t find me rude, but i don’t eat fast food/ so don’t run too fast” is SUCH a dio mood…) Sergio maintains his composure about the Dio Dilemma for a good year before he flies off the handle, and his entire proto-crusade against the vampire is just. Laced with paranoia, even if he is learning a ton of useful skills. These two songs capture that feeling of something constantly watching/creeping up on you so well, and ever since i discovered them, I’ve listened to them for Sergio inspo.

the prophet- This is the only song I’ve done so far that the characters would actually listen to lmao. Sergio is a Huge fan of The Temptations, and his stand is actually named after this song! (+ the esoteric title for the hermit, which was really amazing luck on my end ; J ;) it also had a huge hand in figuring out what his stand power would be, the lyric that decided it was “God doesn’t listen to the words you pray; he hears what your heart has got to say.” However, the entire last stanza of the song ties really well into his character arc fhshgh. Also, this song just feels like it could Be the child of Bloody Stream, if that makes any sense. it’s so groovy and funky, but the lyrics are like big ominous lmao. I was super ecstatic to find this song- if sergio were to ever get an animation, this song would be the OP, yanno?

armageddon- This is another “this song would be on their personal playlist” song. Sergio’s got a lot of love for all styles of music in his heart, but jazz is his home base and always what he comes back to. I like to imagine that Lisa Lisa’s husband introduces Sergio to Wayne Shorter’s music at the age of like 8 or 9, and Sergio’s just. obsessed with the man’s music for the rest of his life. I really love Shorter’s explanation for the meaning of this song and its album as a whole: “What I’m trying to express here is a sense of judgment approaching - judgment for everything alive from the smallest ant to man. I know that the accepted meaning of ‘Armageddon’ is the last battle between good and evil - whatever it is. But my definition of the judgment to come is a period of total enlightenment in which we will discover what we are and why we’re here.” Like… wig.. I feel like that’s such big sergio energy. Armageddon itself also feels like a really nice ED- it’s lively, but in a good episode-ending kind of way. Do i dream of animating Sergio’s adventure one day? Mayhaps.

honorable mention goes to just my imagination/ my girl- We’ve covered that Sergio adores The Temptations, so it’s no secret that he would listen to these songs ceaselessly. however, i really like the broadway harmonies + instrumentals that they did for Ain’t Too Proud, so that’s what’s goin in here. these songs are THE tomoko/sergio songs…He loves Tomoko and the way she quips + teases + gets up to nonsense with him So Much. There’s a huge part of him that has No Idea what Tomoko sees in a music geek like him, but ughh he is so grateful that she likes him because she is a Goddess. he’s blessed yo..

#long post #i went into a deep meditative state typing this... i don't even remember typing some of this ghdhs #it is 3 am and i am BOPPING to the temptations tho so it's all good #this ask meme is so fun.. litch rally anything w music is bound to be a Good TIme #thank you for asking again!! <3 #fullmetal-the-last-alchemist

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castlestormed · 5 years ago

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Substitute

SUMMARY:

When Keith rejects the responsibility and Allura is rejected for it, Lance steps up to the plate.

Or at least, he tries to.

(an exploration of Lance as a potential Black Lion pilot candidate.)

[ bittersweet, genfic, au, canon divergent from s3 ]

CHARACTERS:

Lance, Black Lion

w/ Allura, Keith, Pidge, Hunk

Read elsewhere: [A03] [FFnet]

---

Filling in. That’s what Lance is good at, or so he thinks.

So when Keith rejects the responsibility and Allura is rejected for it, Lance steps up, jabs a thumb to his chest and says, “I’ll do it.”

He’s being totally serious about it too. Shiro’s been missing long enough for his return to have gone from certain to uncertain to questionable bordering on indeterminable. He’s had a lot of time to sink his thoughts into this, a lot of time to think about the consequences of a missing teammate and what that meant for Voltron and their ongoing battle with the Galra empire.

It’s weird how simple it is. The team needs the Black Lion, a leader, a good pilot. He’s not sure about the other two but if there’s one thing he’s confident about, it’s that he’s a damn good pilot.

“Let me try,” he says into the silence because everyone, it seemed, was too preoccupied with staring at him.

“You’re kidding, right?” Pidge pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose and the frames catch a beam of light that momentarily obscures her squinted gaze. “You?”

That hurts a little but Lance brushes it off. Sticks and stones.

“Why not? Keith doesn’t want to step up —”

“That’s not—! It’s not that I—” Keith stutters, uncharacteristically flustered. There’s a good two seconds of him trying to push out words before he folds in on himself and bites out a stilted, “I just… can’t. Won’t. Sorry.”

Lance smothers a spurt of irritation — and pity, though he'd be loathed to admit it. Keith looks... lost. More closed up than usual. If this were about anything else, Lance would have maybe tried to muster up some sympathy. Maybe.

But this was about survival. This was about saving the world.

Keith’s name had rang out the loudest when discussions about who would take over the Black Lion began in earnest. The Red Lion was Voltron’s sword arm and literal right hand, after all. The princess pointed out that the previous Red Paladin — her father — had been something like a second-in-command, and that Keith had been filling a similar role.

Aaaaand as if the universe couldn’t be any more pointed, Keith reluctantly revealed that Shiro himself gave him his blessing (if he was to be believed).

Yet despite all the brightly-lit signs pointing his way, Keith was determined to stay out of the running because… because he didn’t want to? Because he was afraid of admitting that Shiro isn’t around anymore?

Lance doesn’t get this at all.

Thing is… yeah. Shiro isn’t around. There’s no skirting around that, and the motionless Black Lion in its hangar was the most critical sign. Keith was hot-headed, sure, but wasn’t he also sort of military-practical, to a fault?

If I were Keith, he’d said to himself when he was musing over his options, then what I need to do is obvious. The universe needs Voltron. Voltron needs a Black Lion. I can pilot the Black Lion. So ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom, I pilot the Black Lion.

It wasn’t even a matter of ego anymore; it was a matter of necessity. It was a matter of the universe’s safety.

If I have a skill that can be useful, I use it.

Not using it? Kind of a dick move. And also kind of a questionable move because why wouldn’t you help people if you had the power to do so?

He didn’t always understand where Keith was coming from but he'd never pegged him as selfish, until now.

“Like I said,” Lance says, turning away from Keith with a roll of his eyes, “he doesn’t wanna do it. And our next best option couldn’t make Black budge at all today.”

The princess’s arms tighten around herself and Lance can identify with the feeling she so openly projects.

“Yes, unfortunately the Black Lion has chosen to reject me,” she says, somehow managing to sound gracefully upset. She hasn’t worn any of her usual dresses since Shiro’s disappearance. In her pink-accented spacesuit, she would have fit right into the team. If anyone truly deserved to pilot the Black Lion, it was her — not Keith.

She turns tired eyes on Lance and gives him an equally tired smile. “I don’t see why you shouldn’t try, Lance.”

Warmth bursts through his chest — until she turns that tired smile on the whole room.

“And if Lance doesn’t work out, I believe the others should attempt it as well. Just in case.”

Hunk makes a startled squeaking noise, Pidge lets out a grumbled Ugh, and just like that, his carefully considered plan of solving everyone’s problem by volunteering to be the responsible one was downsized into a group effort. Nice.

Lance is quick to pick himself up though. This is good. Even if it were Hunk or Pidge and not him, at least they would have a Black Lion again.

Pidge goes first — “To get this over with,” she says tersely — and lasts a minute before tagging out. Her dismissive attitude doesn’t bother Lance. The youngest and smallest member of their team is more useful (and safe) behind the scenes anyway.

Hunk goes next, anxious energy tensing up his shoulders. Hunk has never spoken about wanting to be a pilot but Lance compares his friend’s broad frame to the sturdy bulk of the Black Lion and thinks that maybe Hunk would be the better match if it came down to the two of them. Shiro’s absence had been a blow; maybe Hunk and his big heart was what the team needed right now to fill that void.

(Better than Lance who could get stuck in his own headspace sometimes and went overboard with the jokes when a lighter touch was more appropriate...)

But not that many minutes later, Hunk exits the Black Lion, unsuccessful and somewhat relieved.

“Guess we saved the best for last?” he says with a sheepish grin, and Lance gives him a hi-five for that before taking his turn.

---

It is quiet in the cockpit, so quiet that he can hear the thrumming of the castle from outside. He takes a seat and drums his fingers on the armrests, surveying a dashboard not unlike the one in Blue.

His nerves ramp up as the silence settles around him. Blue's response to him had been instantaneous and intuitive, like picking up a new sport and making the happy discovery that you were naturally adept at it. The Black Lion's continued stillness didn’t bode well.

—but this was the Black Lion after all. The leader of the pack. Of course it wouldn't be that simple. He had to prove himself!

How though?

He coughs into the curve of a hand. “Hey, big guy. It’s Lance — you know, Blue’s pilot?”

There. Friendly but not too friendly; he figures that if this Lion was anything like its missing pilot, it probably wouldn’t appreciate an overly casual approach.

“Normally I’d try to sell you on my good points but I think I’ll just cut to the chase.” He clears his throat. “We, uh, we kind of need you out there. Think you have it in you to give me a shot?”

The silence stretches over his question. Lance swallows his unease. He reaches for the handles on either side of the chair, gingerly curling his fingers around the hand grips. He had hoped that the contact would spark something, build a connection like the one he had with Blue but… nothing. Of course.

Well, the show must go on.

“C’mon,” he says. “I’m not that bad. I can do it; and if I can’t, I’ll figure out how. Just ask Blue! She can totally vouch for what an awesome pilot I am!”

Nothing again. That last part might have been a bit much.

Okay, okay. Maybe a slightly different approach.

This time Lance closes his eyes and reaches with his mind.

Black? Uh, Black Lion. We need you, man. Look, I know I’m no Shiro but I’m here, I’m ready, and I’m… kind of all you’ve got right now. You turned down everyone else--

/ n o t t r u e /

The response comes so quickly that, at first, Lance isn’t sure if the words come from his own doubts or from the Lion. A sequence of images seem to come into focus all at once in his mind's eye, all with an undercurrent of red and a burst of emotion that he doesn’t immediately recognize. He feels a strong pull towards them but they move too quickly. He reaches out, grasping in vain — then vertigo clenches around his stomach, quickly replaced by pain as he trips over his own feet and crashes into the metal floor.

Lance lays on the ground for a good minute, gritting his teeth.

Also painful? What Black is trying to say.

“He doesn’t want to do it, okay?” he snaps. “He didn’t even want to try. There’s no talking to him once he’s made up his mind. That’s why I told you — it has to be me.”

His vehement declaration rings strongly (confidently, he thinks, with pride) in his own ears.

But following the pattern of this attempted conversation, it too is swallowed by the stillness of the Black Lion’s cockpit.

Lance bites down resentment as he picks himself up from the ground. It's tempting — so tempting — to kick that stupid chair. He doesn’t, though. Instead he glares at his dark surroundings, like he is staring down the great beast itself.

A guy could take a hint… but seriously?

This whole thing was stupid.

“I don’t even want to be your pilot,” he mutters, and there’s a stir in the air, like a chuckle, which gets on his nerves. “What? I don’t! And guess what, dude? Neither does Keith. But which of us is standing here right now, trying to take responsibility for it?”

(He deserves some credit for showing up and trying, right?)

(He deserves some credit for caring, right?)

“Maybe Keith really is the best guy for the job, but as I’ve told you a million times, he doesn’t want to be here. I am and I do— I mean, I know I just contradicted myself there, saying I didn’t wanna be your pilot, but...”

His gaze drops to the ground as he awkwardly rubs the back of his neck. But the quiet now is different from the stillness of before. It gives him some courage to keep going.

He clears his throat again and says, “I figured I could just... fill in, you know? ‘Cause we kinda need you. The universe needs you. And we can’t get you up and running without a pilot, right? So I can do it, until he’s ready. Okay?”

Lance is a little surprised to find that he means it, too. Like, real talk, he can’t imagine himself leading Voltron, de facto or otherwise. Keith, though… Keith could probably do it. When he finally grows a pair and learns how to put his personal shit aside, anyway.

“O-or, Allura,” he adds hastily, uncomfortably aware that he is just babbling now. “I still think it’s weird that you didn’t pick her, but I guess you have your reasons, huh? Just. Yeah. This’ll be a temporary partnership, you and me. Because we need you. And I’m your best bet right now.”

He opens his arms and tries a smile.

“So… partners?” he asks hopefully.

And he waits.

And waits.

...it’s excruciating. It’s worse than the first time he ever confessed his feelings to a crush. At least the girl had been nice enough to put him down gently. Today he learns that giant metal lions are not nearly as kind.

Enough time passes that it’s become too tiring to keep up the smile. He drops it, shoves his hands into his pockets, and finds his way out.

---

The whole team looks as tired as Allura when he drags his failure of a self over to them.

“Black’ll come around,” he says, eliciting a few wan smiles. They scatter to do their own thing not long after that.

Lance should have gone straight to his room but he finds himself slowing down and waiting till he is completely alone before retracing his steps. He stares at the Black Lion from the entrance of the hanger. It stares back with blank, dead eyes.

There’s a war going on, he wants to tell it, and you can do something about it. But here you are, sitting on your metal claws, for dumb reasons I can’t understand… kinda like Keith.

Huh. Maybe you two are meant to be.

That wasn’t the point though. He was here so that he could fill that spot — a spot that was necessary but unwanted. That’s what he’s good at, or so he thinks.

But of course it wouldn’t be that easy.

Getting into the Garrison wasn’t. Enduring as a cargo pilot wasn’t. Making it to fighter pilot wasn’t. Leaving Earth and fighting this impossible-sounding war with impossible-sounding technology certainly wasn’t...

So. Not easy? He was used to that.

He reenters the still, metal cockpit, and says, “Let’s try this again.”

#vld fanfic #vld #lance mcclain #black lion #keith kogane #allura #pidge gunderson #hunk garrett #katie holt #takashi shirogane #blue lion #gen fic #bittersweet #au

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wildfangz · 6 years ago

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@liliithvatore tagged me in that simself thing thats been goin around DAYS ago but here it finally is! also thank you for the tag this was fun :-]

I tag @slythersim @thelurgoyf @seoulchii @weicyn @solitasims @daisydezem @raha-plays-the-sims if they want to do it & anyone that just wants to do it in general! message me and I’ll even @ u directly if u want.

anyway lets DO THIS shitload of questions under the cut u’ve been warned!!!

1. what is your name?

julian

2. what is your nickname?

jewel, jules

3. birthday?

oct 26th

4. what is your favorite book series?

percy jackson and the olympians will probably always own my heart & soul

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

yes & yes. tho i do think a lot of alien sightings and conspiracy theories and what not are bullshit

6. who is your favorite author?

maggie stiefvater probably? also cornelia funke but its been years since ive read anything by her so i cant be sure BUT i loved inkheart & the thief lord so much

7. what is your favorite radio station?

ummm when i listen to the radio at all i kinda just switch between two rock stations and our popular music station.

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?

blue raspberry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tasty and i love a blue tongue

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?

cool. or bitchin’. i play it simple

10. what is your current favorite song?

hands like houses - revive

11. what is your favorite word?

roulette and inhibition which i never get to use either as much as i want !

12. what was the last song you listened to?

emarosa - givin’ up ! its a bop!

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

the new she-ra on netflix its so good. and gay

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

moana. its also like the only movie i dont have trouble getting thru despite how many times ive already seen it

15. do you play video games?

16. what is your biggest fear?

idk... being inherently unlovable i guess n ending up alone? also spiders !

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?

im fairly open-minded and laid back. Unless someones being like, purposely nasty or something I generally don’t get defensive or aggressive. also a lot of little quirks that piss others off dont bother me im very u do u as long as its not actually harming anyone and ive had people tell me this makes it easier to open up to me so thats probably my best quality....

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?

....at the same time though i do get very sensitive when faced w/ criticism even if its of the fair variety when its not phrased really gently for various reasons and i dont like that. especially since I have a tendency to not even talk to people about it. I’ll just immediately start distancing myself. also other than that i think overall I have a really high tolerance lvl but if you cross that line I hold a grudge like a motherfucker

9. do you like cats or dogs better?

cats! dogs are good too but cats are a lot easier for me to handle...and quieter generally but even when they’re loud cat sounds dont get to me quite as much as barks do

20. what is your favorite season?

autumn but im starting to really like summer for some reason? wack :/

21. are you in a relationship?

nope

22. what is something you miss from your childhood?

the lack of responsibility, probably. that sounds real bad lmao but for me its like...I know I’ve grown in various ways over the years but I also feel like so many of my experiences, my trauma, my mental health has held me back and I don’t think I’m mentally where I should be for my age. so all the responsibility of adulthood is just..really overwhelming for me sometimes, even though ive been given a pass from certain aspects of it and the rest is pretty simple its the idea!!!!

23. who is your best friend?

my ex

24. what is your eye color?

25. what is your hair color?

26. who is someone you love?

my mom

27. who is someone you trust?

not really anyone rn unfortunately...would like 2 work on that

28. who is someone you think about often?

are my OCs a fair answer because i am always thinking about my babies.....

29. are you currently excited about/for something?

my favorite webcomic (that also has two of my all time favorite characters in it) just came back!! the artist disappeared back in 2015 like the day after I binge-read the whole fucking thing & i was so disappointed but its BACK and 2018 has been redeemed

30. what is your biggest obsession?

sims probably! i could talk about anything relating to it for hours

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?

there were so damn many its hard to even think and figure out the most notable ones...i really, really liked teen titans though?

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

my ex, again

33. are you superstitious?

not terribly so but somewhat. I take certain things as signs and I mean I do believe in astrology & such to a degree

34. do you have any unusual phobias?

i used to be afraid of mirrors but thats all i can think of and its not even a thing anymore...the only other thing is tornadoes but i dont think its unusual. but it definitely sucks for me ‘cause i live in tornado alley!

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

behind it....like taking pretty pictures and dont like ppl capturing my image 2 film

36. what is your favorite hobby?

sims.....also singing!!! and drawing!!!! video editing!!!!!!!!! the works

37. what was the last book you read?

The Dream Thieves....havent finished it though because last time i went to read it a spider was lying in wait and im traumatized

38. what was the last movie you watched?

coco i think???

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?

drums, various other percussion instruments, and violin mainly

40. what is your favorite animal?

ferrets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow?

uhhhhh @bratsims @liliithvatore @cabsim @wildlyminiaturesandwich @keysims pls dont feel bad if i didnt include u these were just the first to pop into my head and ive been following some of them since I first made my blog!! and have kept up with their stories completely and enjoy them etc check them OUT !

42. what superpower do you wish you had?

shapeshifting!!! dysphoria? gone. ugliness? gone. want to morph into a fucked up clown and scare people when they realize all the classic clown features are a real actual part of my face? possible!

43. when and where do you feel most at peace?

chillin’ at the pool in summer during the part of the day when no ones there.... swimming is always relaxing 2 me then i love just resting under the sun and drying off afterwards especially since we have a little pond nearby and i can hear the water! its nice

44. what makes you smile?

always and without fail? interacting with anyone i have a crush on. i’ll look like a dope the whole time

45. what sports do you play, if any?

i used 2 play basketball a lot. Like not seriously but it was a thing

46. what is your favorite drink?

dr pepper and monster energy (original flavor) pumps through my veins at this point. we love a carbonated beverage

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

two years ago for my ex and I’s first year anniversary... I never got it mailed but I did at least take a picture of it (with included caption because my handwriting is atrocious). i was very up front about being a romantic and see heres the PROOF

48. are you afraid of heights?

nope! very excited by them actually

49. what is your biggest pet peeve?

i cant stand passive aggressive behavior. my stance is either get over it or quit acting like a bitch because otherwise im just going to ignore you thats the scorpio way (in all seriousness I really, really do recommend not putting up with it and ignoring it until they decide to be up front with you. it can be exhausting constantly reading into conversations and its not healthy for you or them. if they have something to say they need to learn to talk about it properly, and that lack of social skills is not ever on you)

50. have you ever been to a concert?

yep! i think about....six or so? i love them...which is really funny im autistic and EVERYTHING about them should freak me out and they do in other circumstances but at a show i just live for it

51. are you vegan/vegetarian?

nope! ive thought before id like to go vegetarian...but i couldnt do it with my health problems. also i love shrimp too much

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

ive always wanted to do something creative! when i was rlly young I thought a lot about singing and acting and writing in particular...all things im still interested in.... also i wanted to be a dictator ages 4-7 because i told my mom i wanted to be president of the world and make people do what i say and she said “honey thats a dictator not a president”. i then made that known at school and that turned into a situation!

53. what fictional world would you like to live in?

pokemon universe or bust.

54. what is something you worry about?

never being able to do things i want to do or catching up with others because of my disabilities

55. are you scared of the dark?

yes but a reasonable amount i think

56. do you like to sing?

yes :]

57. have you ever skipped school?

yes i used to play sick a LOT and as my parents caught onto it id even go all out to convince them. i was good at school but i hated it so much

58. what is your favorite place on the planet?

dunno! malls maybe i love shopping and looking at material objects i wish to own

59. where would you like to live?

oregon! portland in particular thats been my dream for a few years now

60. do you have any pets?

a cat! he lives with my dad & grandma though...hes grown up there and likes going outside so I felt bad about taking him with me when i moved out but anyway this is him hes fat and stupid and i love him his name is coffee

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

night owl because my rhythm is all fucked up but in my heart....an early bird...if i get a good nights sleep i’ll be up early yacking your ear off and so excited for the day

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

sunsets are prettier...but sunrises feel more refreshing

63. do you know how to drive?

nope ! im gay !

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

headphones. better sound quality also discourages people from talking to me slightly more

65. have you ever had braces?

nope! but i need them

66. what is your favorite genre of music?

post-hardcore maybe?

67. who is your hero?

every trans person living their truth and being open and loud about who they are past present & future. the worlds not particularly kind to us and our existence alone is considered a radical act, so its always given me hope to see others refusing to pretend to be someone they’re not in this environment and I’ll always have mad respect for that

68. do you read comic books?

i read manga and webcomics...ive always wanted to get into superhero comics but the amount of issues and different versions is ridiculous and makes it inaccessible 2 me

69. what makes you the most angry?

i mean its hard to pinpoint what makes me angry the MOST...but a contender is definitely how some people feel free to treat others with cruelty and think its their god given right to deny or attack someones existence in some way, & how acts of kindness, even the most basic are branded as liberal bullshit or whatever....it goes against everything i was taught growing up

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

real book! electronic device can be easier but....rough on the eyes after a while and nothing beats the real thing for me

71. what was your favorite subject in school?

language arts...at least when we did creative writing stuff

72. do you have any siblings?

two older sisters & an older brother that passed away years ago but. still my brother u kno

73. what was the last thing you bought?

mocha frappe baby!!!!!

74. how tall are you?

5′4″

75. can you cook?

a little bit....not as much as id like to though but im learning

76. what are three things that you love?

storms, cheesy breadsticks, and cat purrs

77. what are three things that you hate?

unnecessary rudeness, being talked down to or generally treated like im stupid, grapefruit which is the worst thing on this list

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends?

female i think?

79. what is your sexual orientation?

im the big bad promiscuous bisexual your parents warned you about

80. where do you currently live?

oklahoma. gofundme campaign to get me out

81. who was the last person you texted?

my friend jojo! just Now!

82. when was the last time you cried?

yesterday afternoon but im a changed man now thats behind me. i will cry about different things soon

83. who is your favorite youtuber?

the mcelroy brothers. also super best friends play. matt, pat & woolie are all great tbh

84. do you like to take selfies?

depends on whether i feel ugly or terribly dysphoric that day or not

85. what is your favorite app?

ummmm....love live school idol festival ive been playin for years its an addiction

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

dad = bad mom = okay. theres some issues that strain it but its not too bad

87. what is your favorite foreign accent?

i have no idea what the fuck australians are talking about half the time but i dig it anyway

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit?

Italy, Greece, Germany, Japan, Mexico, various other states (ive only been out of state three times. twice to texas and then once to kansas. for five minutes)

89. what is your favorite number?

6!! 26 also

90. can you juggle?

ive always wanted to but alas.... :-[

91. are you religious?

i suppose...but im rlly not into organized religion

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting?

space probably theres so fucking much of it man!

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

not to brag but sometimes i eat my mcdonalds hamburgers cold from the fridge so you can figure that one out yourself B)

94. are you allergic to anything?

pecans. not deathly allergic though so catch me eating turtle pie anyway!

95. can you curl your tongue?

nope :[

96. can you wiggle your ears?

nope :[

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

usually as soon as i realize....unless someones being real smug and annoying then i might be stubborn about it

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach?

ive never been to the beach but i love her!!!

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

probably that you have to look at your accomplishments differently when you’re disabled or just struggling, to not be so down on yourself because its a fact that what might be a mole hill to someone else is a mountain to you and you have to judge yourself accordingly. Like maybe you weren’t able to clean the whole house, but washing the dishes and tidying your desk doesn’t usually get done but you did it. That that should be celebrated because while it would also feel good if you did more, you still did something and thats great all things considered.

100. are you a good liar?

sometimes, really depends what im lying about and if im like....into it at all. If my guts against it for whatever reason I’ll have trouble

101. what is your hogwarts house?

i always get slytherin or hufflepuff! usually with like 1 point difference

102. do you talk to yourself?

i am talking to myself right now as i fill this out

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert?

extrovert mainly! i used to think i was more introverted but now i think a lot of exhaustion when theres any comes from me just going the extra mile and actively trying to read people and pick up on social ques.... if I just chill im fine

104. do you keep a journal/diary?

nope...ive tried but i just cant keep up with it so i do the next best thing. shouting into the void on the internet to a bunch of strangers

105. do you believe in second chances?

depends on what you did the first time. Some people just don’t deserve taking that risk imo...but i can be a little guarded so maybe thats a bit too harsh

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

turn it in, unless there was no identifying things in it & it was found somewhere kinda random. Then I’d maybe hold onto it unless my gut challenged that

107. do you believe that people are capable of change?

absolutely. i mean thats all we do throughout our lives is change and evolve...that being said I think extremely drastic changes are maybe not entirely impossible, but extremely rare, and the residue of the former self usually sticks around in some form

108. are you ticklish?

yes, dangerously so

109. have you ever been on a plane?

nope

110. do you have any piercings?

one day hopefully!

111. what fictional character do you wish was real?

asra from the arcana.....even if he wasn’t my boyfriend thats just a dude u could chill and eat some pomegranates with u know. Before I downloaded the app my friends kept telling me he was made for me and he really was he ticks like everything on my Favorite Characters Feature List except villain but he has that particular allure & attitude i like so much in villains so thats not a single point off hes perfect

112. do you have any tattoos?

nope...one day! hopefully!

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?

accepting my genderqueerness and bisexuality definitely. Self Love hasn’t been perfected just yet but that was such a huge step in the right direction

114. do you believe in karma?

yes! she doesn’t get shit done as much as id like however

115. do you wear glasses or contacts?

glasses. not contacts yet because my eye doctor is a bitch

116. do you want children?

I do....just not sure if id be a good parent. Its really important to me if I had a child itd be for the right reason and I could raise them well in a healthy environment & be able to take care of all their needs yknow

117. who is the smartest person you know?

probably my friend jojo

118. what is your most embarrassing memory?

one time i looked outside and the sunset was really pretty and i wanted to get a photo of it so i walked out.....and stood like right by the street so there weren’t trees in my way...and then i realized mid-pic 1) i am not wearing pants & my shirt is full of holes 2) id been depressed for days so my hair was a tangled mess. I tailed it back inside so i didnt even get a nice pic it was blurry!

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

120. what colour are most of you clothes?

black i didnt even have to think about that one

121. do you like adventures?

they are pretty swell

122. have you ever been on tv?

a few times when i was little. always photobombing the news reporters 4 what i thought would eventually lead 2 fame & fortune

123. how old are you?

124. what is your favorite movie quote?

this is technically lyrics to that lil song in moana at the end but

“ They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you.”

hits me hard every time! emotional impact? i know her

125. sweet or savory?

sweet!!!!!!!! gotta balance out my bitter somehow

#tag meme #about #srry if theres any weird grammar or spelling going on half of this was written when i had a monster headache #and was doing everything but laying down!!!!

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