#the way he talks about lgbt rights and willing to die for it/being who you are etc

[blorbocedes]

.

[trippy-maskow]

MorningMark Needs to take a break.

Listen, I've been and probably many others this too.

@moringmark needs to take a break. Atleast from The Owl House if not from comic's for his own mental health.

It cna be seen in the quality of his comics, mainly in writing.

Yes, there's the nonsense fluff, the romance, the comedy. The now post-finale adult stuff with kids.

But I want to talk about some stuff that I think could be harmful and a mockery to the LGBTQIA+ community.

NOTE: I do NOT think Mark did these intentionally. I think it is both being uniformed, burnt out out, and jsut trying to pump out comics fast to satisfy the fanbase, so he doesn't have much tiem research.

Either way, onto the first topic/comic I will speak of.

While it is sweet that Mark shows support in Pride month, he did it while basically not only comparing the struggles of the LGBT community to that of 'fighting a cartoon villian' , and that comparing our fight to that of TOH, is as if all we have to do is 'fight an evil guy' to win.

Which is false, and a bad dangerous mindset. As that is the mindset thsoe against us want.

As, if we kill one of the bigots, there will still be other bigots out htere.

It's best to just try to help them understand.

As they aren't doing this "for the sake of being evil" . it's because they are afraid of what don't understand, and are stuck in their old ways are thus a bit stubborn to try to understand.

But there ARE people who are willing to listen.

Not to mention, comparing our struggles to that of defeating a fictional cartoon villian is pure mockery. I'm sorry. The amount of people that die, and get beaten daily and get disowned jsut because they love the opposite gender, or they where born different ect. It's awful. And to compare that to that of defeating a cartoon is jsut infuriating.

Then there's the second topic/comic I want to talk about.

The whole idea that someone could figure out their sexuality/gender from a test especially a 'yes or no' test is just false.

It is a very bad thing to say especially with a following that has a ton of kids and young teens.

You figure your Identity out yourself through research, looking at yourself, looking at past events ect. And sometimes you dont fit right withing a perfect box, because sexualities and genders are very complex!

Only YOU can figure yourself out.

Not a test, not a quiz, no one but YOU.

As I said before, I'm not accusing Mark of anything. I simply think Mark should take a break as I can tell looking at his work from around a year ago that he seems burnt out. I mean Mark, you're cracking out comics EVERY DAY. Take a break.

And please next time ask someone (multiple people if you can) or do your one research before doing stuff on the LGBTQIA+ community. It's far better than going in blind assuming things are true or alright.

You're one of the most impactful member of the community right now, so please be careful.

Take care.

[pyrrhiccomedy]

Hi! Would you ever consider doing that spirited TED talk about why Lovecraft now appeals specifically to the marginalized people he hated? I'm trying to make sense of it myself and it would really help to hear your informed opinion!! Sorry if you have already written about it or if it's maybe too personal! Hope you guys are doing well during the lockdown :)

Yeah, sure.

Lovecraft’s work deals intimately with the pain and fear associated with feeling alienated from your community, your ancestors, and even yourself. 

A lot of his stories are about how there is something ‘different,’ about you or the people around you, that fills you with unease, but is also difficult to define. Your family feels malevolent to you; you feel like everyone in your small town is watching you, or has bad intentions towards you; you know that there’s something that just isn’t RIGHT about yourself. 

Your community might want to force you into a religion, or even a partnership, that seems unspeakable to you, and which fills you with horror.

Sound familiar?

These themes are relatable to LGBT people, to disabled people, to non-neurotypical people, to biracial people, or to people of color who are being raised in communities in which they are an overwhelming minority.

The Shadow Over Innsmouth is probably Lovecraft’s most famous story. It’s about being trapped in a small town where everyone is a part of a terrifying religion that personally hates you, everyone is being forced into horrifying heterosexual couplings of in which one of the partners is a literal monster, for the purpose of breeding, and in which the protagonist survives, escapes, and the government bluntly condemns his tormentors.

As a gay little kid growing up in conservative Maine, this was big for me.

In the end, the narrator of Shadow Over Innsmouth realizes he’s descended from the cultists of this town, and that he is becoming the thing he previously hated and feared. I also was afraid of never getting out of my town, and one day turning into someone just like the people who made my life miserable. To me, it read like a horrible cautionary tale: get out, and don’t look back. What’s going on here is wrong, and you need to pull yourself away, before the pressures of your family & community turn you into one of them.

But that’s The Shadow Over Innsmouth: a story which features alien miscegenation, sure, but not usually one of the stories that gets specifically called out when people talk abot how racist Lovecraft was.

The White Ape is probably the most racist thing Lovecraft ever wrote (also titled Facts Concerning the Late Arthur Jermyn and His Family). It’s about a man who goes to Africa, falls in love with an ape, successfully reproduces with it, and then all of his descendants are criminals and madmen, with unpleasant, twisted appearances. It’s told from the POV of one of his more distant descendants, who uncovers this information while researching his own geneology, and, upon discovering that there’s an ape in his lineage, commits suicide by dousing himself in lighter fluid and setting himself on fire.

Yikes.

And yet...this story speaks to me, too. There’s a history of serious alcoholism in my family. My mother was an alcoholic. I asked questions: her father was an alcoholic, and suffered from hallucinations as well. His father was also an alcoholic, and he beat his wife and children savagely. And his parents? I don’t know. No one was ever willing to talk to me about it. But every generation I looked back, there was more abuse, more mental illness, more violence. 

The idea that, if I could look back far enough, I could discover a progenitor that had poisoned our entire family was something I dwelled on, as a kid. Would I want to know the truth? Would it make any difference? Would I have some kind of crisis if I found out that I was a descendant of a rapist, or a murderer? How would I react if I learned that I was a part of a cycle of violence and substance abuse that no one before me had managed to escape?

The White Ape is super, super racist, obviously, but it’s not just racist. Taken another way, it’s a story about dysfunction being passed down within a family. It’s a sins-of-the-father story. And if you come from an abusive home, that’s compelling.

Look, Lovecraft was a mega racist. He was also a man who struggled with mental illness his entire life, who had watched both of his parents die in mental asylums, and who never found success in his life. He was afraid all the time, and he wrote about how frightening the world was to him, and how he never felt like he was truly a part of it. 

The racism sucks. 

The rest of it, if you’re a person who has been mistreated or marginalized, can really resonate.

[kittyprincessofcats]

I finished RWBY Volume 5!!

Loved it!! After volume 4 was (understandably) a bit slower-paced, I didn’t expect things to get intense and serious this quickly, but I’m glad they did! I have so many thoughts I wanted to write down, so here we go:

[There will be spoilers for RWBY up to Volume 5 in this post (duh). Please don’t leave spoilers for anything after Volume 5 on this post, otherwise I will block you.]

- I have to say, I definitely liked Cinder more when she wasn’t talking. During Volume 4, I kind of started feeling bad for her on some level, but then she got better and started being her old condescending, power-hungry self and I was like… nevermind, I hate you again.

- Qrow being super drunk when he first brings Oscar home was absolutely hilarious.

- Yang is SO COOL. Have I mentioned that she’s so cool? Like wow, I wish I was that cool! The bike, the new (amazing) outfit, the way she just punched that creepy guy and walked right up to her mom’s bandit camp making demands of her – she’s so cool and I’m here for it.

- Yang and Weiss’ reunion was so sweet! 😭 I was waiting for literally any of Team RWBY’s members to reunite and that got me right in the feels! (Also, I loved the whole “Wait, your mom kidnapped me?” “Wait, you kidnapped her?” exchange - brilliant 😂.)

- Ruby’s reunion with Yang and Weiss was so sweet, too! 😭 Tears were definitely shed over reunions in this volume! And it was so nice to finally have most of Team RWBY and what’s left of Team JNPR back together and see them bond and catch up with each other 😭. Found family back together! It’s what they deserve!

- Yang being so angry at Blake for leaving makes perfect sense, imo, especially considering her own abandonment issues. And even more so considering that she lost that arm while protecting Blake. Also, I don’t think it’s reading too much into it to say that Yang and Blake’s interactions and their storyline together have had romantic undertones since volume 2. (And no, I’m not just saying that because I ship Bumbleby; it’s the other way around – I ship Bumbleby because those romantic undertones were there in the first place.) So yeah, Yang always tried to help and support Blake, lost an arm protecting her from her abusive ex, and then Blake just left – I get why Yang’s hurt and angry. And that moment where she goes from complaining about how she just wants to be there for Blake, before finally admitting “What if I needed her there for me?” - that’s a really good moment for Yang, even beyond the romantic subtext. It’s nice to see Yang admit that she also wants someone else to be there for her, that she wants to receive that same love and care in return.

- I also want to point out that it’s nice to see how far Weiss has come since volume one. She really took a level in kindness and became a lot more mature, to the point where she’s now giving Yang relationship advice. It’s really nice to see.

- Ruby’s talk with Oscar about Penny and Pyrrha really got me teary eyed.

- I wasn’t that fond of Sun at first, but he had some really great moments in this volume, so he’s starting to grow on me now. I still don’t ship him with Blake, but their friendship is sweet.

- And now, let’s talk about THE standout character of the whole volume for me: ILIA!! Holy hell, I love everything about her! You know how some characters grow on you over time, and then there are those characters that you see one episode with and they just become instant favourites? That second one was Ilia for me. I watched Blake’s character short before Volume 5 and the moment I heard her backstory she jumped right to the top of my favourite character list without question AND I started shipping her and Blake right away. (Yes, I love Bumbleby and all, but I’m a multishipper. I’m perfectly capable of equally loving two ships that contradict each other.)

- It’s just – Ilia and Blake’s dynamic got me hooked! Not to compare everything to my OTP (Catra and Adora from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power), but let me quickly make this comparison: Two girls who grew up together, were both members of a certain evil organization until one of them left it and the other didn’t, now they’re on opposing sides and have to fight each other, but they still clearly care about each other. Plus, there are confirmed romantic feelings from at least one side there. I know many people (including myself) have compared Bumbleby to Catradora before – because you’ve got one blonde jock and one catgirl – but when it comes to the dynamic and the backstory, Blake and Ilia (what’s that ship called? Catmeleon, I think?) resemble Catradora even more. And it’s just the kind of dynamic I’m weak for.

(Honestly, it’s kind of funny how predictable I am both when it comes to favourite characters and favourite ships. My sister, who got me into both She-Ra and RWBY, took one look at Catra years ago and immediately predicted that I would love her. And when she first saw Ilia, she also immediately knew she’d be one of my favourites. Basically, my sister once described my “type” of favourite characters as “troubled, cute and gay” and that pretty much sums it up.)

- Speaking of troubled, cute, and gay: I’m glad RWBY finally has some CANON LGBT representation! Hell yes for that! Honestly, I interpreted Ilia’s feelings for Blake as romantic right away, but I wondered if it was just bait or my usual tendency to see romantic undertones in any interaction between two girls. But then that “I wanted you to look at me that way” line happened and… WOW. Yes. Amazing, talented, brilliant, never been done before, showstopping, incredible. I’m 100% sold on both the ship and Ilia as a character.

(One more thing before I change topics: I try to keep these posts positive and not get into discourse too much (since I’ve heard there was (is?) a lot of discourse in the RWBY fandom – but I took just one look into the tag for Volume 5 and immediately saw people arguing that Ilia’s not good representation because she’s a villain. And I just want to quickly address why that’s nonsense, in my opinion (and before you ask, yes I am a lesbian myself): First of all, she’s not even a full-blown villain. She’s clearly shown as confused and misguided from the beginning. And her feelings for Blake are never portrayed as a negative thing. She also has a redemption literally two episodes after being revealed to be queer. And in general, I don’t think queer villains are necessarily a bad thing and I’m tired of queer characters not being allowed to be flawed. How come straight characters get to just exist, but any queer character better be a shining beacon of morality or else they’re bad representation? I agree that RWBY should introduce more queer characters to balance things out a bit, but I wouldn’t say Ilia was bad representation by herself, since she’s a character I think we’re meant to have sympathy for.

- Now I just hope that future volumes of RWBY don’t pull a Bury Your Gays and kill Ilia off... I’d really hate that. (No spoilers on this post, please!)

- The entire fight at the Belladonnas’ house had me so on edge the whole time. I thought someone (most likely one or both of Blake’s parents) was going to die any second. Basically, the ending of volume 3 burned me and now I constantly expect characters to die. I’m glad it all (mostly) turned out well!

- Blake’s speech to the Faunus might have made me a bit emotional. That was a really great moment for her.

- And then there were those final episodes… WOW. Like I said, I really didn’t expect everything to go down so quickly (or for the ending to be that happy – like I said, volume 3 burned me.)

- Jaune unlocking his semblance was nice! And I’m proud of myself for having correctly predicted that he’d have some sort of healing powers. (I was waiting for him to unlock some healing semblance back when Qrow got injured in Volume 4 – I’m glad it finally happened!)

- I was worried about Weiss for a second, then I realized there’s no way she can die since I’ve already seen pictures of her outfit in later volumes. (Plus, I’m pretty sure if a main character had died, I’d have been unable to completely avoid spoilers about it. So those 4 are pretty much the only ones I’m not that worried about.)

- Raven is a really cool and interesting character, but an awful person. (I got so angry at her when she blasted Ruby after Ruby was just so nice to her*. How dare you, lady?) I love her design, though!

[*EDIT: I just rewatched it and realized that it was Cinder who blasted Ruby, Raven just created the portal. Point still stands, tough.]

- The plot twist of who the Spring Maiden really is was EPIC. Really loved that reveal! (And I honestly didn’t see it coming.) Though I have to say, I feel really bad for Vernal, and for the previous Spring Maiden.

- The Cinder VS Raven fight was absolutely epic and just stunning to watch visually. I was wondering if we’d ever get a maiden vs maiden battle, and that scene more than delivered! And while I don’t particularly like either of them, I was definitely rooting for Raven in that fight.

- I’m not sure if Cinder really died there. If so, I’m honestly not too sad about it, but I would be disappointed because I kind of expected her to become a more interesting character later on. After Volume 4, I expected at least a bit of growth there or something that would make her more interesting. And I’m not talking about a redemption, just to be clear! I just think the potential to make her more interesting as a villain was there, and if they just killed her off it’s kind of wasted now and she stayed a very flat character until the end. But I guess we’ll see.

- Raven and Yang’s confrontation was pretty intense. I liked that Raven finally had to admit that she’s afraid and doing all of this just to protect herself, and the contrast to Yang, who is also scared but still does what she thinks is right. And the fact that Raven was willing to let Yang have the relic despite the danger that would put her in – mom of the year indeed 🙄.

- Blake and the other Faunus are the real MVPs of the battle, tbh. The fact that they just completely stopped Adam and the White Fang by sheer numbers and didn’t even give them the chance to attack anyone? God tier stuff. And when Blake’s mom came in with the police? 10/10, we stan.

- Also, Blake telling Adam she’s not there for him? Hell yes, girl! I love how she’s taking power away from her abuser by showing she isn’t doing any of this for him. Really nice.

- Yang and Blake’s reunion in the last episode was super nice. I like how there was so much attention on that reunion in particular. And while I’m glad Yang wasn’t too angry at Blake and it makes for a nice happy ending, I still hope there’s a scene next volume where Blake properly apologizes to Yang for leaving and explains her side of things. And then, they should get together and live happily ever after and have lots of kittens. I mean, what?

- And finally, all of Team RWBY is back together! And they’ll have a lot to catch each other up on. Blake doesn’t even know about the maidens, the relics and Salem yet, while the rest didn’t even know about the White Fang attack. Also, I want Blake to introduce the others to Ilia and to her parents.

I really loved this volume. Lots of action, lots of really sweet moments, lots of epic fights and cool plot twists. I find it hard to rank them, but this might have been my favourite volume yet (volume 3 was also really good, though).

[sunspot-illustrations]

Gush about your fave characters pls!! <3

OK SO

You know I love Icecloud right?? I love her so much and I love thinking about how she interacted with the rest of her family and clan.

Icecloud and Foxleap were extremely close as kittens, like, Dovekit and Ivykit close or Squirrelkit and Leafkit close! When they became apprentices they didn't let being apart more get in the way of their relationship. They live each other a lot and balance each other out. Ferocious taught them to talk out their issues and never let any distance get between them (likely her learning from her own mistakes a little too late with Ashfur n Cloudtail) (also that moonkitti video of her stressing out about who was gonna change Mousefur's bedding when she graduated is canon, that happened)

Speaking of Cloudtail they're pretty close too! Since Whitewing was her mentor and Whitewing always finds time to spend with her parents, Icepaw got to reconnect with her mother's foster brother in a way her older sibling Birchtail never got too. She's also tried to reconnect with her older brothers as well but while Birchfall was willing to connect a little, Spiderleg didnt want to talk at all and ignored her and Foxleap's attempts. She tries not to hold it agaisnt him but she cant help but feel a little bitter towards him now.

Icecloud, to me anyways, feels like that really quiet chill friend who's been bottling up every emotional issue they've had for years cause they're the "good kid" and they dont wanna cause a scene. Icecloud wants everyone to be able to relax and be happy but she cant do it for herself until everyone else is first. Also she's older than fox by a few minutes so it Eldest Child Syndrome out the butt for her. Just like her gf Hollyleaf :)

I've also changed my LGBT HC for Icecloud! She's now a non-binary lesbian who uses She/They pronouns! None of Ferncloud's children are stright or cis~

I'm also love Thornclaw too?? He has....0 personality outside of what the erins need but the POTENTIAL FOR HIM. The 'least' accomplished sibling of Bracken Bright and Cinder? Watching both his sisters getting hurt and having had the opportunity to stop Brightpaw and Swiftpaw but didnt? Do you think he felt guilty about it?? Him being on patrols constantly looking out for dogs or other potential dangers, him just being a stright workaholic cause he can't bring himself to rest when he could've stopped his sister from getting mauled.

Speaking of which I HC him and Bright as the twins instead of him and Bracken. They've got matching white patches and floofy necks and blue eyes and everything. Also Thornkit was a mama's boy and he didnt want to leave Frostfur when they were being made apprentices and Brightkit didnt wanna leave him so they stayed in the nursery longer, together.

Also can we all agree he's asexual?? He never showed an interest in a mate or kits and that was fine and dandy! Thornclaw is a cool uncle to his nieces and nephews! He trained his niece Poppypaw! She can see right through his stoic facade and see the mushy "I would kill and die for my family" tom underneath and she loves her uncle! Even if he has the emotional range of a shallow puddle.

I could see thornclaw either being very superstitious or very logical and defiantly a little paranoid. After everything with Bluestar I just imagine he's...ever so uncomfortable with authority as well. Like, he trusts Firestar of course! But deep down he was just waiting for him to slip up one day and then the Po3 climax happened and he just...oof. Now he doesn't even trust the Leafpool of all people and all visits to the den are awkward as all hell now.

Pouncestep and Lightleap are so, SO, underutilized!! Give me Shadowsight's nosy, loving sisters!! Gimme Pouncestep who takes after Tigerheart coat wise but is an emotional carbon copy of dovewing! I want a Pounce who is an open book and emotional and wants her siblings to come to her when they're upset. NOSEY LIGHTLEAP getting into everyone's business cause she thinks she can help them out, especially her little brother whom she loves sooo much! Light and Pounce who know the borders are important but they wanna come with Mama to see auntie Ivy and their cousins! Pounce and Light who's arc is trying to get their mom and aunt to reconcile and reconnect so they have more kin to harass hang out with

Acknowledge the ThunderShadow Cousins Erins. Give me Thrift and Flip hanging out with Pounce and Light while their protagonist siblings go off doing...whatever it is they do. Give me Bristle and Shadow's siblings dog piling them so they can relax for 5 seconds good grief you guys. Also, completely off topic but i think Shadowsight should've been Shadowspire instead cause that has Spiresight's og name and it sounds cool as hell.

Ok i should probably stop there cause this is....a lot

[goneseriesanalysis]

your caine art is so gorgeous!! kind of a silly question but what movie genres do you think the “gone” kids would watch?

Aa thank you so much!!! I'm so glad you like it

This is such a great question and is perfect timing as I've just got back from my film class. Here are my ideas:

Sam: I don't think Sam is really a movie person so, this is a bit of a cop-out, but I don't think there's any particular genre that he likes. He spends most of his time surfing. The only reason I'm willing to admit he has at least seen A film is because he took Anna to the cinema for their date. (Also the film was definitely Surf's Up, 2007. And no I will not take any criticism on this)

Astrid: Astrid is definitely one for documentaries. And this girl will watch documentaries on EVERYTHING (even open-heart surgery). She also has a secret soft spot for kids films as she watches them so much with Little Pete. She likes how easy everything is. There is a right and a wrong and its clear and obvious what it is. If you ask her though she'll never admit to it.

Quinn: Comedy. I love this boy but I just know he spends his evenings watching Adam Sandler films. That being said, he is open to a wide range of comedy including rom-coms and chick-flicks. He likes to dip into different genres, but really comedy is his thing.

Edilio: Edilio would mostly stick to Spanish-speaking films. Probably comforting family-friendly films that he can watch with his family. But I also think he would have an interest in old cartoons (think thundercats or trap door). They're easy to watch, family-friendly and can be useful for learning English. (I know that Trap Door is an English cartoon but shhhh I'm projecting)

Little Pete: Little Pete doesn't really watch the films that Astrid puts on for him. I think he just likes the experience. Being near her without her talking to him or touching him. He can experience the safety he feels around her without the sensory issues that can sometimes come with it. That being said, I think he would prefer the cartoons with muted colour schemes and softer soundtracks. Maybe Tim Burton?? As opposed to the more colourful Disney films she puts on.

Caine: Did somebody say crime films?? The Wolf of Wall Street, The Godfather, Nightcrawler. He likes to imagine himself as the leading man and he genuinely believes that he could do it better than the actual character. He also watched The Great Gatsby once and thought it was a good romance.

Drake: I think it's mentioned that one of Drake's favourite films is Saw ll?? And I definitely think he'd be into horror, but he would have no respect for the genre. He likes cringey, gory horror (which in of itself isn't a bad thing) but with particular love for any horror that involves the unnecessarily graphic assault of a woman. I also think he would really like Michael Bay and Joss Whedon films. Now that I think about it, he probably likes Tarantino as well.

Diana: OK so this one was tricky but I feel like Diana is, very secretly, a dark fantasy fan. She likes Guillermo del Torro and one of her favourite films is The Witches. It's the perfect blend of cynicism and escapism that just really hits the spot for her.

Jack: Jack is a sci-fi and high fantasy fan. Does it have magic?? He'll love it. Space tech?? He'll love it. He is definitely a fan of the big ones like Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter and Lord of The Rings. But, and this may be controversial, I don't see his liking superhero films. He finds them too cliche and simplistic.

Orc: Orc doesn't get to choose what he watches a lot. He usually just has to watch the crime shows that his father puts on. But when he does get the TV, he's a big action fan. Think Terminator style films. He has also seen Die Hard upwards of 10 times.

Howard: Howard likes cult films. And a good Zombie movie never goes amiss. He hasn't gone a single Christmas without watching Gremlins and David Bowie in Labyrinth was his sexual awakening.

Dekka: Dekka likes a wide range of genres with no particular favourite. She leans more towards foreign films, indie films and experimental just because that's where she finds the most lgbt representation. After the FAYZ, she would be introduced to Ava Duvernay's work and would fall in love. If she's looking for an easy watch though, a good slasher never goes amiss

Brianna: Brianna has never, in her LIFE, been able to sit through a full film. However, if her parents order her to sit down for 5 minutes and just be quiet, adventure will always be her choice.

Mary: Mary likes chick-flicks. They're feel good films that don't require much thinking. They make her feel good about herself and give her some much needed entertainment. Also John loves musicals. I have no reason for this, it's just true.

Lana: Dark Comedy all the way. It just fits her personality so well. She enjoys the humour. She enjoys the aesthetic. And she kinda feels like she's rebelling against her parents in a minor way. What she will not tell you is that she is also a sucker for a well-written romance film.

Dahra: Hear me out here. Historical films and period dramas. Not sure why. I just get The Vibe. She loves Pride and Prejudice (as she should) and just finds historical films incredibly interesting and entertaining.

Albert: Albert is another one who likes documentaries. Definitely after the FAYZ he would focus more on business documentaries. But I think before, he would mostly just watch whatever his mother was watching. Which would include a wide range of interesting topics.

[traumacatholic]

hi, friend. i’ve been going back and forth on reaching out to you, but i’m in need of some advice and i’m not sure where to go with it. i was raised as a catholic (though not very strictly) and went to catholic university, but fell away from the church. lately, i’ve been lonely and looking for community, and i keep feeling drawn to the church and going back. however, i worry i won’t be accepted. i’ve divorced and remarried, and while my husband is also catholic, we weren’t married in the church for obvious reasons. there are also several political issues the church is against that i support as human rights. i’m not sure how to reconcile myself as a divorced, remarried, liberal person and a devout one. any advice you have or even just your prayers are much appreciated. god bless.

Without trying to dismiss your struggles, I would say that everyone in the Church has to reconcile themselves with Church teachings in one way or another. Maybe you're an LGBT Catholic, who is trying to reconcile themselves with the teachings and the reality of being an LGBT Catholic. Maybe you're someone who's pro-choice or pro-contraception. Maybe you're infertile and want to do IVF. I think in a lot of ways, whether people want to admit to it or not, there are teachings and/or realities that go against our identity.

Teachings are not just easily accepted for everyone, even really zealous Catholics struggle with teachings. Be that they struggle with the teaching themselves, or they struggle with a vice that causes them to go against that teaching - e.g. they struggle with porn addiction. Nobody is walking up to the Church, exactly as they are and not being changed. I'm a very different person now, than I was while undergoing RCIA. Just as I was a very different person before considering or even knowing about RCIA. Our relationship with God is ever evolving - we are ever evolving on our journey of development.

God accepts each and every one of us exactly as we are. As in, no matter our state of being in life or our circumstances, God isn't closing off His love for us. But that doesn't mean that we aren't called to change. We are told to take up our Cross and die to the world and earthly pleasures. There are things in our life that we have to transform. And this is true of non-Catholics and non-Christians as well. Our life and our circumstances are always changing and evolving. And we need to adapt to that. And sometimes that can feel impossible and really painful.

The great news though, is that other Catholics know this too. Because they're experiencing it. Some Catholics will be more than willing to share their struggles. Some Catholics will storm a room to voice their disapproval on something. And other Catholics will be struggling in silence, often unable to admit even to themselves what they're struggling with. But we know. We know it's hard. The road to Calvary wasn't fun, but we are graced with blessings upon blessings along the way. And often you'll find support groups, blogs of people in the exact same or similar situation. And if you find yourself brave enough to admit that you struggle with a teaching, someone is bound to at least be thinking in their head "me too".

I can't tell you how to personally reconcile yourself with the teachings of the Church. But I can tell you that there's bound to be a hundred or more forums and books and articles of people sharing their on thoughts on these topics. Theology is never quite as simple as "there's a Church teaching that says this, and that's all there is". And maybe in between those discussions, and those book chapters, you'll be able to find your own way to reconcile yourself to the Church. And although you may encounter negative people that talk on these topics, that's all it is - negative people. Not God. Even if they claim to be a representative of Him. Because God welcomes us all, loves us all, without condition, and He will continually call us to Him. Even if we go through all kinds of problems and galavant off to all kinds of other places. I'll keep you in my prayers. God bless you.

[paperwick]

This is my not spoiler free take on Picard.

This is a mess of a post, but I’m still trying to work through my thoughts. If I was still in college, I would watch the series one more time and write an essay, but we’ll have to settle for this stream of consciousness under the cut. (My apologies to mobile users). 

The main theme of Picard is about ‘killing for a cause’. It tries to explore this through several character’s arcs: primarily Soji, Sutra, Agnes Jirati, Seven of Nine, Rizzo, and Oh. (I don’t include Elnor because, though he kills for a cause, there’s no character development for him in this respect.)

There’s loosely a theme of “Should I kill to prevent more death/disaster?” vs “Should I kill so I might not be killed?”. 

I’m mostly gonna leave out Seven because her development on this is really non-existent, but the writers use her as a positive example of “killing to prevent more death/disaster” as a foil to Rizzo, Oh, and Agnes. I honestly feel this comparison is falsely equivalent, because Seven wasn’t wiping out an entire race or murdering an innocent man when she killed two very guilty murders. Is it right to kill murderers? Who knows, the show doesn’t REALLY touch on it so neither will we.

Here’s the scene: a faction of organics (Rizzo, Oh, Agnes) believe that synthetic life spells doom for all organic life and are seeking to destroy them. In response to total annihilation, the synthetics (Soji, Sutra) are willing to annihilate all of organic life to permanently remove the threat. Picard insists both are wrong and that there is always a more peaceful solution. 

It’s all pretty black and white, with very few grey areas of opinion. 

It drives me nuts because there’s so much ROOM in this to open up the conversation about the role of violence in independence and in survival. How far do you pursue peaceful solutions before it gives way to violence? What are the consequences of being peaceful too long? Is it ethical to use excessive force if it’s the only means to survive?

But they break it down into harshly black and white scenarios. “All life must die so that we might survive.” “If we fight back at all, we lose our humanity.” There’s no subtly, no real moral exploration. 

There’s room in the show to explore how killing might effect how events unfold. But every time it happens, it’s the dead-end of that storyline. Maddox had already told them all they needed to know, what further damage could he even do when Agnes killed him? Bjayzl was no longer a threat to them. Rizzo was no longer a pusher in the story, they’d both fulfilled her plot-purpose when Seven killed them. 

There’s room to explore how similar synthetic life is to organic life, in their humanity and morality, and lack there-of at times, in their will and desperation to survive. But we constantly come back to androids not being “real”. It’s always about their function, never really their humanity. The writing from all angles, throughout the season, is that synthetic life is somehow less real. Nonequivalent. And we never really touch on that either, it’s wildly frustrating.

So we have Sutra, who is willing to destroy all organic life to save her and her family, representing a hard extreme. Oh wants to destroy all synthetic life to protect organic life, representing the other extreme. And Picard is firmly in the middle, saying we can all live in peace and harmony. 

And that’s the end of the conversation. 

There’s a moment where Soji tells Picard that he can’t be the voice of synthetic life, and that was a great moment. The androids can take up their own cause instead of relying on a third party for protection.

But then the writers turn around and have Picard be that voice anyway, against their will, to prove that the peaceful solution is the better solution. And he has to because there’s no grey area in these moments. It’s “choose to kill literally everyone in the galaxy or choose to kill no one”. Where’s the “choose to fight the people who actively want us dead” part of the conversation?

In response to “how can the marginalized defend and empower themselves”, we’re told “make friends with less marginalized people.” But they aren’t even the operative force in that solution. It’s Picard alone. They don’t get to add their voices to the mix. It was all out of their hands to begin with. Starfleet walks in all deus ex machina because one man asks them to show up. 

When Agnes killed Maddox, their point was that she was doing it to save organic life. We never explore why she thinks it was the right thing to do. What was she afraid of him doing? He was already dying, his death was unnecessary, all we’re given is that she was haunted by the vision Oh thrust upon her. And then we spend the rest of the season redeeming her because she “felt bad about killing him” and was “out of her mind” when she did it. SURELY she had a reason for doing it at the time? Even a really bad one? Was she worried he’d created another synthetic lifeform? Was she worried he might be integral to helping the androids fight back? Fuck if I know, we never really touch on it. 

The most blow back Agnes gets from literal murder is a slap on the wrist from Picard and Dr. Soong. She was supposed to turn herself in, but that didn’t happen in the end. We pleasantly forget she killed a helpless man because she and the pilot are in love, and “she knows she was wrong”. 

As it stands, it was just an excuse to inject needless drama into the show. But there is a real and current need for us to talk about people ‘killing for a cause’. 

We see it in our own lives on the news and in our daily lives, and it’s a mind-fuck. 

How governments “root out terrorists” and kill innocent civilians in the process. They say “it saved more lives than we took”. Did it? There’s a conversation to be had there, and a necessary one if we want to continue to look ourselves in the eyes. 

When a foreign country arranges for another’s leading revolutionary to be assassinated, do they have the right to do that? No, but they seem to think so and encourage their population to believe so. There’s a conversation to be had there. 

When the government (Oh) instructs their citizens (Agnes) that this other peoples is dangerous and will be the death of them, and gently encourages their citizens to harass that other party, the citizens will take the law into their own hands. It’s wrong, but many people seem to think it’s appropriate. Whether it’s race, religion, nationality, populations are constantly being guided towards believing other peoples are a threat to themselves. And there’s a conversation to be had there. A dire one. 

Instead of developing a commentary about this senseless act of murder, the show focuses on redeeming Agnes’ character. She was “crazy” at the time, her mind filled with “poison” from Oh. Which in a way is true, people become brainwashed by those in authority and act horribly, but she never faces the consequences of her actions. She ultimately suffers no consequences for murdering a man. And she does very little to truly redeem herself. She saves Picard to save the androids. Everyone seems to go, “oh no, she spilled the milk” and gently clean it up for her. 

Do I want her burned at the stake? Not really, she did help them in the end, she did seem to have growth, but to get away scot-free is just an insult to the crime she committed. Maddox was denied justice. I think there could have been a real conversation about people coming back from getting “red-pilled”, but it’s hard to walk back on murder. 

Overall there was a frustrating lack of real commentary. The deeper conversation here might’ve been “How can we navigate and defend ourselves in a world where others seek to undermine and destroy us?” and “Does the government have the right to dictate who should live or die?”. The first one is the harder question but so necessary, with so much room to empower people. The second is very straight forward, but one that a lot of people are struggling with right now because of a warped perspective promoted by their government (at least in America). 

What we got was “total annihilation of any group is bad” and OF COURSE IT IS. I know we’re having an issue with people believing that again, but even so, the show did not really deliver that message super well either. The final note on it was “there’s a ‘peaceful’ solution to total annihilation, but really only if you have a defensive force equal to that trying to destroy you”. The androids didn’t have any real say in their defense other than “we decided not to kill everyone.” 

UGH, I could go on, but the message of the series is so muddled. I keep coming back around to how poor the writing is. How punchy and action-packed it wasted its time being, instead of really working through the core problems. Instead of making a strong statement. 

Star Trek to me is about challenging how you think/feel. It’s about opening our minds and encouraging us to be better than what we are. It hasn’t always hit the mark, there are dozens and dozens of episodes where they shoot themselves in the foot they were so off the mark, but the spirit of it is to challenge your given perceptions. Especially relevant to the time it’s being made. 

Give us more LGBT relationships other than 1 second of on-screen handholding in the final shot, and maybe write something that actually shakes people’s hearts and challenges what the general population takes for granted. 

[synthient]

The Key to Understanding Deltarune: The Halloween Hack

So we’re currently in the middle of a 4000 year content hiatus

Which is unfortunate, because ever since the big iconic Halloween-day surprise demo drop, my brain has been rattling a baseball bat against the inside of my skull and chanting “CONTENT, CONTENT, CONTENT”

Undertale was like candy for the thematic analysis side of my brain. I still wake up in a cold sweat some nights going “fun value......he put a quantitative value on fun.....numbers going up.....”

I am desperate to know what kind of themes Deltarune is going to tackle. Can you effectively predict that from one (1) 3 hour demo? No. Does my brain care? No.

Which is what lead me to the wonderful world of intertextuality, or examining how a media text is shaped by other media texts

It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this with me doing a playthrough of EarthBound, the video game that Toby has cited as his biggest inspiration for Undertale

That was fun & interesting (the “throwing away an emotionally engaging experience to grimly make Numbers Go Up” thing feels a lot closer to home after trying and failing to get the sword of kings), but it didn’t provide much insight into Deltarune, specifically. It wasn’t enough. I needed more. I was willing to dig into literally any intertext (except Homestuck, which no force on this earth can compel me to read :) )

anyway thats how I ended up playing Toby Fox’s high school fangame

And somehow (sorry Toby) I walked out of there with an unironic theory (a game theory....if you will....): Deltarune is Toby’s adult reexamination of the Halloween Hack.

What is the Halloween Hack?

You know that thing where, like, people take the engine of a Pokemon game and edit it so there’s a new region and a bunch of new fakemon, and also There’s Swears Now

In 2008, Toby Fox entered a contest on an EarthBound fansite for the best Halloween-themed EarthBound hack

In one sense, reducing the Halloween Hack to a “bad romhack with swears” is a little bit of a disservice. There are some glimmers in there of a really affecting, thought-provoking game, and you can see some of the early blueprints of what would later become Undertale (“do video game ‘monsters’ really deserve to die” is a major theme, and the character of Dr. Andonuts was effectively split up into Alpyhs, Asgore, and Sans)

But it’s also. very much a fangame made by a 16-year-old.

You can read a basic summary of the Hack here. High school-age Toby wrote two pretty extensive analyses of his thought process behind the game. I’ll be referring back to them a lot, and I’d highly suggest giving them a read--Toby’s been so famously resistant to making any Word of God statements about Undertale that it’s kind of fascinating to see him being so candid

an extremely long and rambling examination of How This All Relates To Deltarune

The Halloween Hack opens in the town of Halloween Twoson. Twoson is one of the cites in EarthBound, and here it’s been painted orange. and there’s pumpkins now

See, high school Toby had...a bit of a chip on his shoulder. In the Making Of notes, he explains that he was frustrated that “most people generally thought I was just ‘another funny guy’”. So he designed the opening of the game to seem unoriginally close to the original EarthBound--like “a regular, funny, lazy hack”--to lull players into a false sense of security before the horror elements set in.

Two interesting things there:

“Lazily, unoriginally close to the source game” sounds an awful lot like the Dark World segment of Deltarune

Halloween Twoson looks very visually similar to Hometown

Toby’s description of Twoson also sounds pretty Hometown-esque:

The main impressions of Twoson that I wanted to give the player were: It's funny. It's a nice fall day outside. The person hacking this game is ridiculously lazy. It's a nice place to live. If you look at it a little closely, it's kind of claustrophobic.  

And when does the horror kick in? When the player descends into the underground tunnels beneath the city.

The “horror” in the Halloween Hack is, however, Pretty Not Good.

There’s a whole lot of the flavor text narrator (put a pin in that one) insisting “this is so scary. you’re so scared. your hands shake and your head throbs because you’re so scared.” There’s also a thing where the battle text keeps going “the shambling zombie BITES your HEAD OFF!!! (you lose 15 hp).”

I think the True Lab sequence in Undertale is a decent demonstration that Toby’s come a long way since then (and that Honey We’ve Got A Storm Coming :’) ). But you know what the Hack’s style of horror reminds me of?

My first thought when I beat the demo and saw this stinger was “this looks like an intentionally shitty creepypasta.” Now I wonder if it’s lowkey adult Toby poking a little fun at teenage Toby

The Halloween Hack is a game about railroading. It’s Spec Ops The Line before there was Spec Ops The Line.

According to Toby:

The main theme of this game is the lack of choice. There is really no choice in this game. From the moment you start to the moment you finish, you're destined to kill Dr. Andonuts. There are two endings, but they both eventually end up the same way. It's all a big joke on the player.

You know why there isn't a choice there? Because you already chose to make Varik go into the door. You already chose to go forward. The only real choice, as Varik realizes at the end of the game, is to stop or keep going. By "stop" he means "turn off the game," and that's all you can do. Anything you play is your own fault for playing, and that's the only real choice you can make.

Interesting? Yeah. A little obnoxious? Also yeah.

That’s one of the criticisms people had of Spec Ops. "The atrocities we commit when we feel like we don’t have a choice” is an intriguing theme, but “~the only way to win is not to play~ [the game I worked hard on for the express purpose of people playing it]” isn’t a very satisfying conclusion.

Undertale, in direct contrast to the Hack, is all about choice. It earns the right to guilt you for the No Mercy Run by giving you every opportunity not to go through with it.

But even Undertale plays a little with the concept of railroading--you can’t stay with Toriel; you can’t spare Asgore in any of the neutral runs; you can’t save Asriel.

Now Deltarune seems to be returning full-on to the Hack’s “your choices don’t matter” premise. But it’s going to need to find something more insightful and satisfying to say about it.

Which makes me really curious about this:

If the Hack has a secondary theme besides railroading/lack of choice, it’s The Soul-Crushing Impact Of Internalized Homophobia.

The tragic antagonist, Dr. Andonuts, destroys his own life trying to repress his gay desire. He retreats into a dream world made of his neuroses and trauma, and he’s inevitably Otherized and murdered by the player. He’s something of a dark version of Alphys, who “disappears” into her lab without ever meeting and getting support from Frisk, Papyrus, and Undyne.

Undertale takes an opposite approach to its lgbt themes--the Underground is a utopia where homophobia and transphobia don’t exist. Everyone respects Frisk’s and Chara’s pronouns. Alphys finds solace and healing in her relationship with Undyne.

It’s a heartwarming growth from the despair in the Halloween Hack. And it’s a vision that’s been deeply meaningful to a lot of people. But that doesn’t mean that there’s no value in exploring issues of homophobia. 16-year-old Toby tried to do that, but...wasn’t exactly at a point where he was equipped to handle it with a ton of sensitivity and nuance.

(There’s. There’s a boss battle where you fight the physical manifestation of Andonuts’ gay repression. It’s a crotch. You fight a crotch.)

Some of the hints in the Deltarune demo, however--the Toriel Has Become Catholic thing; the fact that Alphys and Undyne haven’t met and Mettaton hasn’t been able to transition; the potential trans implications of choosing a name only to have it discarded for an assigned one (“you can’t choose who you are in this world”)--make me suspect that’s one of the themes that Toby will try to revisit from an adult perspective.

The Hack is interested in the idea of the flavor text narrator as a distinct, intelligent entity, whose thoughts and goals don’t always align with those of the player character or the player. 

The Hack’s narrator makes a habit of dictating “your” emotions to you (you’re scared; you can sense ‘the monster’ and you want to kill it; etc). The narration starts to seem more and more unreliable, until, as Toby put it, “The narrator starts talking to you personally...rambling about incoherent things.”

At the game’s turning point, you’re given a yes/no choice to kill Dr. Andonuts. Choose yes, and the narrator (mockingly?) calls you a good person, describes the murder you commit, and then narrates what appears to be your (or their? or Varik’s?) psychological breakdown. Choose no, and the narrator tells you that’s not a real choice and redirects you back to the yes/no box. If you press the b-button to try and opt out of the choice (the game’s unofficial subtitle is “Press the B-Button Stupid,” and doing so allows you to follow Andonuts into his dream world), the narrator starts to panic, although the game ultimately ends the same way.

Not to NarraChara Real, but NarraChara Real 

The Hack is also interested in the idea of the player character as a possibly-unwilling puppet controlled by the player (who in turn is controlled by the railroading/their need to beat the game).

According to Toby:  

 As you approach someone you've never met that you're labeling as a monster, your body pushes you forward to kill him. What's funny is that it's not even uncontrolled, it's really just the force of the player's controller pushing that little bounty hunter into murdering Andonuts. You might not realize it, but Varik is almost dead, and yet he can't stop moving because you keep pushing those buttons. 

The Halloween Hack is, fundamentally, a nostalgic meditation on an existing game.

It’s a little obvious to say, but the Hack isn’t a standalone game. It’s a hack of EarthBound.

Toby writes:

EarthBound dominated my childhood, shaped my preteen years, and played a large role in molding me into the offbeat pseudohippie I am today. It gave me a sense of humor. It helped me learn how to read. Its lessons served as a basis for my sense of justice and courage.

But at age 16, Toby’s feeling about the game that had shaped him were a little mixed. He describes “the staleness of a fifteen-year-old video game” as one of his motivations for making the Hack.

In Deltarune, he (kind of hilariously) has Alphys parrot his teen-self’s “staleness” line:

(I could write a whole meta just on the Mew Mew Kissy Cutie vs Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2 thing)

Still, Toby’s nostalgia for EarthBound is essential to how the Hack operates. Earlier, I said there were glimmers of an thoughtful, affecting game buried in the “bad romhack with swears.” The most genuinely moving moment in the Hack, in my opinion, is the Onett sequence. 

You wander though a faded, dream world version of Onett--the hometown from EarthBound--while a slowed down arrangement of the Onett music plays. Snatches of forgotten conversations appear on road signs. Various monsters from EarthBound follow slowly behind you, but don’t attack. The only battles are against creatures called “Remember Me?”

The EarthBound characters appear to recognize “Varik” as Ness, EarthBound’s protagonist--or are they recognizing you, the player, as the same person who played EarthBound once upon a time?

The one problem, of course, is that not everyone has played EarthBound. It’s a relatively niche game. The sense of remembrance and regret and loss in the Onett sequence is universal, but being shaped as a person by the specific video game EarthBound isn’t a universal experience.

But in the years since the Hack, Toby has created something with a wider reach than EarthBound. Something that can evoke that sense of memory and nostalgia in players. A familiar game that he can take apart, rearrange, and examine in an entirely different light.

He made Undertale.

And now he’s rearranging the pieces into Deltarune.

[dear-wormwoods]

(1/3)Hi! Since you do a lot of really amazing book and movie meta I was wondering if you had any thoughts on something I've been stuck on since the first movie and felt even stronger with ch2: Both films have Richie quitting/running away, which to me seems really out of character for how I remember book!Richie (I read the book about a year and a half ago though so). To me a big part of Richie's character is he might not be as caught up in the moral crusade as some of the others, but he's deeply

(2/3) committed to the cause because he will not leave his friends. If anything, I remember him actually being one of the calmer, more level-headed losers since he’s actually pretty go with the flow (though I think all of the characters are more high strung in the movies vs the book) and sadly good at repressing feelings he doesn’t find useful (so most of them). I think the first movie made it work because Richie is clearly reacting to seeing his friends hurt (Ben and esp Eddie), which

(3/3) fits with one of the more subtle of Richie’s roles within the club–besides being Bill’s right hand and the comedic relief–of having small, but consistent care taking moments throughout the novel. I just really can’t square Richie trying to run away in a situation where he knows at least some of his friends are staying to fight, but I haven’t seen anyone really talk about this so maybe it’s just me? Or maybe there’s a part of the book I’m forgetting??

I 100% agree with you. I know it was funny watching him fucking bail after telling Ben that he was staying, and it’s great that he and Eddie were seemingly planning on leaving together because Reddie but… yeah, no. I understand his anger at Bill and wanting to quit in Ch.1 because he was upset about Eddie and Ben, but he also rejoined the group the second Bill told him IT took Bev, so it was still in line with his character. But the continuous threatening to bail in Ch.2 was off-putting (especially bc like… okay so you’re going to make this character LGBT but you’re also gonna make him a giant flake and a coward, alright then lmfao). The miniseries is guilty of this too - idk if it’s just out of a desire to have Richie as the audience surrogate, the one who is like ‘okay this is stupid’, but it’s just not like Richie.

Richie’s logical, but he’s not a quitter, and he’s not a coward. “Fuck those guys” isn’t in his vocabulary - Book Richie would never leave his friends to die, leave Eddie to die, without throwing himself on the line to die right alongside them. He wants to investigate Georgie’s photo album. He goes to Neibolt with Bill even though he’s still pretty sure Bill’s dad’s gun won’t do shit and they’ll die. Bill literally asks him if he wants to and he says “well, no, but I will” and that’s Richie’s entire approach to this, as a kid and as an adult. He doesn’t want to be here, no one does, but he’s not going to leave his friends hanging either. 

At the reunion, he’s the first to raise his hand when Bill says they all need to agree to stay and kill IT for real this time. His reaction to Paul Bunyan is literally just to go back to the hotel for a drink and a nap before heading to the library. It never even crosses his mind to leave. Sure he freezes at first when they’re kids in the sewer and the crawling eye appears, but with Eddie’s encouragement he breaks out of that and is right there with the rest of them from that moment on. As an adult, he’s the one facing IT during the Ritual when Bill can’t do it alone. He’s the one out for blood after Eddie dies and fucking punches IT to death with Bill. Leaving was never an option, not doing his best to fight alongside, and on behalf of, his friends was never an option. 

All the Losers are more willing to stay in the novel, and they stay out of duty to their oath and to their friendship. The movie… I get WHY they wanted to leave at first after learning about Stan, but only staying because they’ll die either way? Nah bro, not my Losers. And Richie gets by far the worst treatment - the rest at least agree to stay! He’s out here consistently trying to bail for half the movie! No thank you! The Richie I know would never! 

(tbh Richie and Eddie both get their brave moments too late in the game, but at least with Eddie I kind of get it even though it was still overkill. Andy thinks it’d be overkill to include ‘Richie, I…’??? Well I think it was overkill to have Eddie fear-freeze 50 times in a row! But that’s beside the point of this post sjkfhkjs)

[shadowofthelamp]

Needle and Thread

Oh yeah, I didn’t post this here. So, for my LGBT lit summer class one of the options for our project was a short story, so I wrote a human au Tulix thing. The teacher said she liked the ‘creative names’, pffft.)

Wordcount: 4000

Warnings: Mentions of dead animals/dissection

It started with a dead squirrel, a swiss army knife, and a bag of mints.

Tulip Bennett had only just begun going to East Side Middle School since her old foster home had belonged to the district across town. When she was adopted, she got a new house and a new dad, but also a new school, new people to deal with- and folded under that, new school weirdos.

“Look, I don’t know if anyone’s told you yet.” It had been conferred on her in harsh whispers- the harshest that could come from a fellow sixth-grader, one named Samantha in hot pink and pigtails. “Stay away from Nebula, the girl with the overalls.”

“Nebula? That’s a cool name.”

“Trust me, the girl it comes with isn’t. Her family is weird- the mom always walks around in a lab coat that’s got something red on the bottom half, and the dad killed somebody once!”

“Killed somebody?”

“That’s what Dave says!” And her tone left no argument- what Dave said must be law, to the twelve-year-olds that had been dwelling in these halls years before she had. “Just keep away if you don’t wanna get hurt.” 

Tulip had nodded and gone about the next week or so getting only glances of the girl at lunch where she usually had her thick glasses buried in a thick book. From a distance, she just kind of seemed… like a nerd. Which wasn’t intimidating. She kind of wore black a lot, sure, but that wasn’t much. Tulip didn’t see why everyone seemed so scared of her. If there was one thing she was good at, though, it was floating around to plug herself into different groups. Her pastel dress, round shape, fluffy red hair, and quiet demeanor were camouflage, allowing her to slip in and ask questions in a soft way that usually got answered.

“Why don’t people like her?” 

“She brought a bunch of live beetles into class last year. One got on my arm and she started yelling at me when I pushed it off. Like it mattered if I squashed a bug.”

“Have you seen those gloves she wears? They’ve got blood on them!”

“Look, she’s tearing something open right now!” At that, Tulip turned, squinting. Sure enough, there was a blueish huddle on the corner of the playground. Her hair was bundled up in a bun that resembled a haystack atop her head. 

She kind of looked like Alex had at the house before last, the boy who used to eat worms, and he was actually nice when she got to know him, so Tulip brushed her skirt and made a decision. 

“I’m going to talk to her.”

“Didn’t you hear me?”

“Mhm, but I’m gonna say hi. If she’s mean, I’ll leave.” It seemed like a fine plan to her, even as the other girls called out in protest. 

“She’s just going to stab you!”

“You don’t know what you’re doing!”

Tulip tuned them all out, crossing the blacktop like it was an ancient battleground from the games Eliza had played at the table in the Grant house. Tulip had liked the little blue fairy figure and took a moment to pretend now, borrowing her bravery. After all, she’d been at the school a week already and had managed only to float around on the outskirts of tightly-knit friend groups, a lone tumbleweed in this middle-school desert. If she was a floater, Nebula was in another galaxy, and that just wouldn’t do. If she was mean, then Tulip could always just leave her be. She didn’t like judging books by their covers, especially when those covers had gooey-sweet chocolatey insides the way some of her foster siblings had.

Besides, she was skinny enough to look like she’d snap like a twig, so she couldn’t be that bad compared to Tulip’s few self-defense classes at the mall. She’d already dug her small ziplock baggies of mints out by the time she reached Nebula and put on a winning smile. “Hi there.”

“Huh?” Nebula turned, eyes huge and buggy under her glasses with a color that kind of looked like the glow-in-the-dark star stickers Tulip’s dad had put up on her ceiling. The glasses themselves were… what were they called, cat eyes? They kind of gave her the look of an inquisitive alien. Now that she was up this close, Tulip could see a little piece of purple plastic settled inside her left ear. She raised an eyebrow. “Who’re you?”

“I’m Tulip. I’m new here.”

Nebula squinted. “Hi, Tulip. I like your name.”

She beamed. “Thank you! Do you like flowers?”

“Uh-huh. I’ve got a big garden back home, and I bury the bodies in it.”

Tulip’s beaming dropped a few watts, and her smile fell for a moment before she forced it wider again. “The… bodies?”

Nebula scooted over, revealing- oh, oh, that was gross. She had a knife in one plastic-gloved hand, the blade splattered with deep red, and the fingers of her other gloved hand were deep in the guts of a gnat-swarmed dead squirrel. “Like these. They’re all over once you know where to look, and it helps the soil grow stuff better.” She smiled, a surprisingly genuine one. “That’s what Papa says, and I’ve seen it works.”

“You… kill squirrels for-“

“Psh, I don’t kill them.” Nebula waved the knife. “I find them. Usually, some other animal killed ‘em.” She pointed at the squirrel’s skull with the point of the knife. “This one? Probably a cat, it has teeth marks in the crushed skull. Last week someone got a rabbit with a BB gun but just left it to die.” She clicked her tongue. “I don’t know why they let them suffer like that.”

“You like dead animals… to feed your plants?” Tulip asked, still not willing to get any closer. 

Nebula nodded. “Uh-huh. I mean, I like knowing how stuff works in general but- you ever seen the Lion King? Circle of life, big loud musical number?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s like that.” She lifted the squirrel up. “The squirrel eats the plants, then the plants eat the squirrel.”

That… made a sort of sense, if she thought about it. “Everybody seems scared of you.”

“Everybody seems like a wuss,” Nebula said with a shrug. “Who needs them?” She grinned again. “I like you, though. You haven’t run away yet.”

“Yet?”

“Most people do. I’m used to it.” 

Tulip took a deep breath and sat down next to her, holding out her bag of mints. “Well, that’s no way to go through life.”

Her smile dropped a little. “Huh?”

“Tell me about your plants.”

“You- want to listen to me?” Her voice cracked slightly, and Tulip could hear something pained behind it, a kicked kitten that had grown claws. She’d heard it before in kids who were about to age out, who were used to being pushed aside. 

“I do.”

Nebula lit up like a supernova and snatched the bag, stripping off her glove to grab a mint. 

__________

It had come easier, after that. Nebula talked fast and thought even faster, with a laugh that tickled Tulip up her spine and back down again. It didn’t sound like bells or a piano or any of the other pretty ways she’d heard laughs described, it was like a needle. Quick, sharp, and liable to puncture passerby but help repair a bad day if she only threaded it first. 

Over the days, she got to talking about her parents. They weren’t crazy, her mom was a butcher and her dad did experiments on animals for medicine. Tulip didn’t care much for that, but it was a far cry from murderers. Tulip’s dad was just an accountant.

“Hey, did I ever tell you what I did to Andrew?” She adjusted her glasses, shoving them up the bridge of her nose. Her eyes were so big behind them, like a galaxy all their own. 

“No, you haven’t.” Tulip sipped at her milk as she watched a beetle crawl up Nebula’s braid. She’d probably let it go come 3:15, but for now, Nebula just let it scurry up and burrow down in her hair like it belonged there. 

“Oh, man, I should have. So, he was making fun of my parents, right? Saying they’re ‘mad scientists’ and ‘I’m a freak’ and ‘where’s your witch hat’ and all that. Not very creative stuff. Well, I’ve got a bunch of beetle shells that I use for art at home, so I dunked one in glow-in-the-dark paint and stuffed it in his locker, with a note that said ‘with hate, from Nebula’.” She snickered. “He still thinks I’m a witch, and that was in third grade.”

“And you didn’t hurt him, right?”

Nebula waved a careless hand. “Pssh, of course not. It’s a lot more effective to creep people out over actually hurting them.”

Tulip chewed on her ham sandwich thoughtfully, hearing the lettuce crunch between her teeth. “Is there a… a reason you want to creep people out?”

“If everyone thinks I’m a freak, more time to do what I want, right?” She picked at her jello, watching it wobble and shake on the tray. “I don’t get a choice in how people see me, so I might as well give them what they want. It’s fun being the weirdo, sometimes.”

Tulip just blinked at that. “But why?”

“Why not?” Nebula countered. “You want to spend your life chasing after people who don’t really care about you?” She lifted her fork, shoving the gelatin into her mouth before shifting it over to her cheek, pointing the tines at Tulip. “I’ve seen how you float around like a ghost. You’re checked out of your own life because you’re so afraid someone won’t like you that you don’t get close enough to anyone that might.” She swallowed the dessert in her cheek, letting it settle as she stared.

“Isn’t it lonely, refusing to ever bend a little?” Tulip countered after a moment’s thought. Nebula gnawed on the inside of her mouth before sighing.

“Agree to disagree, Tutu. Agree to disagree.”

Sixth grade passed in a blur, with Nebula tugging her away during breaks to show her whatever new thing she was invested in that day. She slowly dialed back on showing off the dead animals when Tulip admitted they made her queasy and started talking about her plants, or her insects while they were still alive. She was the only person that Tulip had ever seen let a wasp crawl over the back of her hand without getting stung. 

That summer, they stomped around the bog behind the gas station, peat soaking their ankles as they captured frogs and let them go again after taking pictures. One of the girls from her scout troop invited her to a dance where they might see boys, but it just didn’t sound appealing to Tulip when she could swing Nebula around to creaky old songs from her dad’s record player, with her newly-made dresses spiraling around her knees. In July, Tulip began to sew in earnest- she’d liked piecing together odd arrangements of clothes from the thrift store before, but… 

‘Why are you wearing a Halloween costume?’

‘Spirit week with ‘ugly clothes day’ was last week, Bennett.’

It was easier to just go with simple dresses from the store. 

When Nebula had gotten a look at her closet, she’d immediately dug out the frankensteined skirts and haphazardly sewn tops and laughed. Tulip had been about to slam the door shut when she held one up.

“These are great! Why don’t you ever wear them?”

“Huh?”

She spun on her butt to hold the shirt up, owl-eyes squinting to superimpose it over Tulip’s body. “Not that I don’t like your pastels, they fit you, but these are so much more fun. Did you make them?”

“Well-”

“If they’re from some auntie that you feel like you can’t throw away, that’s fine. I just think they’re neat.”

“I thought you didn’t like girl’s clothes.”

“I don’t. That doesn’t mean I can’t tell what would look good on you.” Her cheeks darkened for a moment, and she shoved the shirt into Tulip’s hands. “Come on, I want to see you in it.”

“Neb…”

“You can’t just hide from me that you’re good at making stuff like this, I’m your best friend. It’s against the law,” Nebula declared.

“Like you care about the ‘law’,” Tulip snorted, but allowed herself to be pushed into the closet. It was easy enough to slide her shirt over her head, but… she fussed with the buttons on the old shirt. This was a bad idea. She tried to do it up, but it didn’t fit- her soft body oozed from the bottom, having gained some weight since she’d created the shirt years ago. She pulled it open again, looking around in the light from the slats. Freckles dotted her belly, and she felt almost like a puppet inhabiting her own milky skin. Her fingers fussed with the handmade shell necklace that rested just above her sternum before she pulled the shirt back off, grabbing the one she’d been wearing before and a vest she’d made with stretchier material. It was still tight, but not annoyingly so, and she knocked for Nebula to open the door.

When she did, the other girl grinned. “See? Told you.” A gloved thumb pointed lazily to the wall-mounted mirror, and Tulip twirled. It hugged her form, but in a way that felt… nice. She must have made it big- maybe for an older sister at the last house.

Nebula jokingly blew a kiss. “You’ll be the belle of the middle-school ball.”

Tulip bumped her with her hip, but her cheeks dotted pink.

After that, often when they met after school, Tulip would sew while Nebula talked, the machine doing the chattering for her on her desk, Sometimes, the needle had to be poised between her fingers when she needed a more delicate touch. Once, Nebula even asked her to show her how to sew- she was making taxidermied animals and ‘wanted to see if I could copy your steady hands’. It ended up a bit of a mess, but Nebula put it up on her bedside table anyway. She liked imperfection and just patted the little squirrel’s head with its corkscrewed eyes. “Besides, it’s more memorable this way.” She offered to make Tulip a mouse to watch her sew if she found any, and Tulip found herself agreeing.

In seventh grade, Tulip had started to drag her to her girl scout meetings, to try and make friends. Some of the other girls still shied away, but if quiet little Bennett liked her and had gone this long without getting a scalpel through her brain, maybe she wasn’t that bad. She lit up when they mentioned they were working on a gardening badge and offered them her assistance. 

They learned that it was best to talk on her right side because her hearing aid on the left didn’t always work, and her needle-sharp laugh melted with the new acquaintances like gallium- just as bright, but not as pointed. In fact, when she dug in the dirt with the other girls, overalls smeared with soil and flowers surrounding her wrists, the hard edges that made her smile a smirk began to melt too.

Eighth grade came and went, and the night before high school, they were doodling on opposite pages of Tulip’s big sketchbook, laid out on the floor. “I just feel like… everything’s changing,” Tulip muttered. 

“It doesn’t have to,” Nebula said, chewing on her pencil with brace-clad teeth. “You’ve still got me, and you’ve still got the scouts that haven’t dropped out, and I’ve got you.”

Tulip rolled over. She was wearing one of her favorite shirts-- Neb had picked out the fabric, with a pattern of stars that rounded her stomach in a way that made her feel big in a good way, like the whole universe lay underneath her skin. “How much?”

“Huh?”

“How much do I have you?”

Nebula turned, bouncing her foot on the ground. “C’mon, I’m not good with the mushy stuff…”

Tulip scooted a little closer. “You’re my best friend, Neb.” She set a hand on Nebula’s cheek, rubbing a smudge of dirt with her thumb, and felt the thin cheekbones heat up underneath her. 

“You’re… you’re mine too,” Nebula muttered. “I feel… comfortable. With you. Cozy. Is that weird? You’re a very cozy person, and you managed to get me other people to talk with me, which is a feat let me tell you-”

Tulip kissed her. She could taste the root-beer flavored chapstick, and the feel slight indent of her braces, and Nebula’s gangly limbs just starting to grow into themselves folded into her lap like a fawn’s.

Nebula pulled back, adjusting her glasses that had tilted askew, but the smile on her face was wide enough to reach the stars before she leaned in again and the world melted around them, nothing but the rich scent of soil and copper that clung to Nebula’s clothes and the sweet strawberry perfume that dusted Tulip, and everything felt like tying off the final stitch on a perfect project. 

[yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy]

There is something people can’t talk about regarding the Dalish

So let me talk about something, and I don't know how to preface it so let me just come right out and say it.

I feel like there's this unspoken rule that the Dalish can't be criticized, and there also seems to be this unwillingness to ascribe negative traits to their culture that we would otherwise assume of other cultures, fictional or real.

I say this because I *feel* it. I feel as though I can't write anything critical of Dalish without people assuming that I'm somehow an imperialist or something, that I'm badmouthing an indigenous group because *that's just what's been done*.

Let me try to explain.

So we have the Dalish, a group of people whose plights and history can be equated to that of the Jews (rumors of blood libel and child sacrifice, forced conversion, their brethren being sequestered in ghettos in the cities, frequent victims of attempted annihilation, scapegoats for mishaps that happen in human villages and such); indigenous peoples (living in non-urban societies that worship polytheistic deities, the original backstory prior to the revelation in Trespasser aligns with slow erosion of their culture through human settlements and disease, victims of attempted annihilation, considered barbaric for their rustic lifestyles); and Romani/Sinti (nomadic, located on the outskirts of established societies, also victims of scapegoating). 

Okay, we got that out of the way. We have that established.

But can we also be completely honest with ourselves and say that the Dalish are NOT a monolithic group of people but also have cultural variations? The only things that tie them together is the fact that they are elves that worship Elvhen gods, they wear vallaslin, and they are nomadic. That's basically it. That's all we really know about them from that. Beyond that, the canon, the creative minds behind Dragon Age, and the offical outside sources like art books, novels, and comics clearly establish that there are differences in dialect, relationship with humans, their views of magic, and even their views of sexuality.

That last one is what I want to talk about most.

This is a game series that has been a refuge for non-straight people. The universe is accepting of LGBTQA people in a way that few other game franchises, if at all, have. I get that. I understand wanting to preserve this great source of representation and acceptance that runs through the game's universe. There is also the turning of stereotypical fantastical racism on its head. The parallel between the treatment of the Dalish and indigenous peoples is great politics. I love learning about it. I love talking about it in the context of the story and as a reflection of real-world history, but...

What I'm trying to get this conversation to point to, really, is the fact that I see that people are unwilling to entertain the idea that some Dalish clans may not in fact, gasp, be necessarily LGBTQA-friendly, but more specifically, Lesbian-Gay-Asexual*-friendly.

It seems to be a kneejerk reaction to assume that a marginalized group will accept another marginalized group, and there's somewhat of a real-life precedent for it, given that gender roles were less strict in certain native tribes than in Europe, what with two-spirits and similar concepts. Now that is very valid, and there may indeed be Dalish tribes that believe in that sort of thing...

When the controversial user FenxShiral was still on here, he answered questions about language and Dalish culture. These were all his headcanons, and some of the ones where he offered his opinion on how the Dalish viewed certain sexualities drew the ire of some members of the Dragon Age community.

If I remember correctly, he said that not all clans accept homosexuality, and asexuality is also considered odd. People thought he was being homophobic and acephobic.

But here's the deal, and let me try to expand upon this without sounding too ADD.

-- If we go all the way back to the Old Testament of the Bible, there is a lot of talk of who can't sleep with whom and how you can sleep with this person and why you can't masturbate and all that. Now think of the context: These are tribes emerging to carve out a stable civilization. Death is commonplace. Famine, drought, war, and disease is commonplace. Infant mortality is high, on average. Grown adults die off easily. For the sake of the tribe or clan surviving, babies need to be made and be made regularly. Let's ignore the institution of marriage for a moment because that's about property and assuring a family line is kept intact...there is no room for gay people who are unwilling to make babies in this society. There is no room for asexuals* who do not want to have sex or have children. There is no room for people who do not want to do what's "best for the community" and give up their personal happiness for the sake of the tribe or clan. That is the fact of the matter.

A lot of LGBT activism and thought intersects with individuality and personal autonomy. "I am LGBTQA. What I do sexually is my business. I owe nothing to no one else." This is a very MODERN way of thinking, this idea that you should make yourself happy and that people should leave alone what does not affect them.  Tribes and small-knit communities are not very individualistic by nature because they require full participation and equal amounts of sacrifice from everyone in order to keep the wheel turning, to keep the clan alive. These are societies that do not have an excessive amount of people that could do with 10% of women not getting pregnant or a few men choosing not to impregnate people. They can’t survive a major upset that could suddenly wipe out half their tribe and have one in five be unwilling to help resupply people.

As for the argument of "Well, what if they are gay and are willing to get someone pregnant/become pregnant, but still want a same-sex lover?" I would say that religion could likely come into play. Either the society will say "okay, I'll allow that cuz kids are getting made and that’s what I’m asking for" OR they'll say "doesn't matter, sex is for procreation only". 

But going back to the Dalish and homosexuality. We have no proof that all Dalish are LGBT friendly. In fact, I would argue that it is the direct result of the small number of them that AT LEAST SOME CLANS would be less inclined to allow clan members to remain exclusively in same-sex relationships because it would mean fewer Dalish children are being made. That's going to be two women not carrying children and two men not impregnating. The Dalish are always struggling to keep their numbers up. On the one hand, the cities are dens of disease and violence, on the other hand, the Dalish have to contend with the elements, wild animals, and the wrath of local lords and peasants who want to run them off their camping grounds. Then there are those who wish to leave for the cities, or who fall in love with city folk. It is implied that certain tribes consider clanmates who match up with humans or non-Dalish to be "half-breeds" of a sort, "traitors" to their People, and it varies as to whether children of this union will be accepted by their Dalish family (as far as I know, this contrasts with the typical custom of North American native tribes who would readily accept mixed race children into their tribes).

The Dalish love children because children are great, yes, but also because they are a living future legacy. Someone who refuses to impregnate/get pregnant is not acting with the future survival of the clan in mind. Same thing with someone who is gay and does not want to carry a child or help conceive one. Now there may perhaps be a window open for the gay uncle or aunt to help rear children, but the Dalish obviously have developed a culture that values lots of kids because it is an unmistakable sign that their customs and traditions will carry on into the future.

So I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that not just the fact that the Dalish may be less tolerant of gays than you want to believe, but that being against homosexuality may not have anything to do with reasons like "gay sex is eww" or one's faith but that it could come from a utilitarian or pragmatic standpoint, cultural or existential or what-have-you. It's the same reason why the Tevinter Imperium is "anti-gay". It has nothing to do with the fact that homosexuality is bad, necessarily, because like in Greece and Rome there were context-heavy situations where it was allowed and tolerated, but because being exclusively homosexual and refusing to even pretend to "marry the girl" and have a kid jeopardizes this particular society's eugenic-based infrastructure: The upper class NEED to breed with each other to have perfect mages that will breed with other perfect mages to have more perfect mage children. This maintains the status quo and the hierarchy. As an Altus you can have a boytoy elf slave, you can probably even canoodle with a man of a lower class because you have that social superiority, but you cannot canoodle with another Altus because it's distracting both of you from your duty of siring children.

Now I’ll bet I’ll get people coming out of the woodwork accusing me of trying to justify homophobia or acephobia, but I’m not. I’m Bi and I guess a bit Asexual. I’m trying to explain why it is not homophobic or acephobic to entertain the idea that some Dalish clans may be more leery of gay or asexual* clan members. Again, the Dalish are not a monolithic group. They are a bunch of different elf family groups that have rejected the Chantry and human civilization. Beyond that and a few cultural staples, they operate fairly independent of each other and developed their own way of maintaining their autonomy and existence.

It is like how anti-capitalists are also not a monolithic group. The only thing they share among them is their rejection of capitalism and perhaps even share reasons why they hate it. Beyond that, the proposed alternatives vary widely from socialism to anarchy. 

*  Specifically, those who are sex-repulsed/disinterested

[grayson-22]

Navy and Scarlet

Warnings

Sex mention

Implied homophobia (blink and you'll miss it)

Intruxiety

I gave up on a word count because this is pretty long for my writings so....imma go eat a cookie.

It was thursday. Or maybe wednesday? Oh who cares. It was close to the end of the week when he came up to me. He was gorgeous. His eyes were a dark blue, his skin was light and looked soft, his jawline was so sharp I felt like if I touched it I would get cut. He was so professional looking, his hair slicked back, his glasses pressed neatly to his face, his tie around his neck tightened. He looked so professional, minus his navy blue hair.

I had just gotten my hair done as well, a lovely shade of red, dark near the roots and a blazing scarlet at the tips. When he came up to me and started flirting, you couldnt tell where my face stopped and my roots started.

I was sitting in the salon, fiddling with my pin. It was June, pride and i was determined to go with my best friend Patton. I guess he noticed my assortment of LGBT+ pins, or maybe i just gave off the energy, but he came up to me, placed his hand against the wall i was standing against and spoke softly.

"Is it safe to guess that you're more than an ally?" There was a soft purr in his voice. My face flamed up, "uh...yeah. I'm super gay!" He chuckled, "well I'm Logan." I blushed more.

"I mean...yes I'm gay...does that mean you are too?" I asked, trying to pull myself together.

"Is it that easy to tell?" He smiles he leaned against the wall with me. I sighed, "maybe it was the shameless flirting with a stranger?" I added.

"Well you dont have to be a stranger. I told you my name, what about yours?"

"Roman." I said with a smile.

We chatted for a bit, it was cute when i told a flirty joke and he laughed. Not long after the first interaction though, our friends came up to us.

"Lo! We need to head out before my mom finds us!" A boy with purple and black hair pulls at Logans arm. I know him from somewhere, his name is on thr tip of my tongue...

"Virgil! You're Virgil Storm, right?" He looks at me with bewilderment. "Uh...yeah, and who the hell are you?" He sounded annoyed.

"Roman Kingsly. We went to high school together. You were friends with my brother Remus." I said as i remembered their weird sleepovers.

As if the mention of my brother made his skin crawl, Virgil backed away slowly. "You're...i gotta go." He yelled out, as he ran away, pulling Logan with him.

~

I was at the hair salon. It was annoying how i got wrapped up in this mess...my friend Virgil got invited to a pride parade with his ex, and he dragged me along as well.

I decided if we were going to the parade we might as well look the part, we decided on hair dye.

Virgil had blond hair when we arrived, but left with black hair and purple highlights.

I went with a simple navy blue, not the most practical of choices, but one i could get away with. I arrived after him. I saw him sitting there, chatting with the hairdresser. His hair was blonde, most likely a bleaching first.

I watched as the hairdresser put red color in, i dont know why...but i was captivated by him. I went in after him, getting my hair done before making my way to him.

We talked, i learned all the proper information that i would need to know to continue this courtship: his name, his sexuality, and most importantly...that he was going to pride.

As i was being rushed out by Virgil, who found out i was talking to his ex's brother, i looked sadly at Roman, upset that I didn't get his number at least.

Virgil freaked out in the car, "why did we even come?! Its not like i miss him...why is his brother here too?!" I sighed.

"Well we didnt have to come for Remus. We could just stay because we are both gay. If we run into Roman and Remus....then we can have a chat and be on our way." I said slyly. I didnt think my dark companion knew that i had been, what some might call, flirting with Roman.

"Yeah, you'd looove to talk to my ex and his brother." Virgil rolled his eyes. "Yes, actually I would." He blushed slightly.

"Shit...did you hit it off with Roman? You realize he's the jock type...right? He's the kind of person who would beat you up in school." Virgil said as he groaned.

"And how would you know if he beat students up?" That made Virgil go quiet.

I sighed, "I see." He said softly. "I'm sorry. I will no longer bring up the matter." Virgil nodded slowly.

Later that day, we were decked out in our LGBT apparel, head to toe in rainbows. Although I looked ridiculous, I quite enjoyed the queer aesthetic. Pun intended.

I made my way out to see Virgil, who was trying to leave with his hoodie on, but I did not allow that to happen, knowing he would die of heat stroke.

I drove us to the parade, excited to see Roman, not really for the parade itself. I think my excitement showed a little too much, because not long after we parked and started our walk to the beach that held pride, Virgil gave me a concerned look, "Lo? You Okay? You're smiling. You never smile."

He was right, i never smile. What changed? Why was I smiling when I never smile? Roman. I was smiling because I saw Roman across the way.

~

I had gotten ready with Patton, my brother Remus, and his best friend Deen. We all decided on a very fem look, and by that i mean Deen bought us georgous skirts that I could never deny.

I took the dashing red and put it on with my rainbow checkered shirt tucked in. I decided to wear sandals instead of my pumps too, mostly because this was on a beach and there was going to be a lot of sand.

Patton wore the blue skirt and a baggy crop top, pulling it together with rainbow suspenders and tennis shoes.

Deen wore the yellow one with a black shirt that read, "move, I'm gay." On the back in rainbow as well as his converse.

Remus. The revolting creature...wore the green skirt, a rainbow dildo hat and no shirt, fishnet stockings and rainbow flip flops.

I tried to ignore him, i was on a mission to find him. Logan, i didnt know why I felt so...willing to just throw everything away for him but I did and i would if I had to.

Luckily...all I had to do was turn around. When I did I saw him there with Virgil, who had been glaring at me. He probably remembers high school now. It seemed that Logan had seen me, because he was walking towards me, he looked hesitant when my brother came up to me though.

"Remus, go away!"

"But I see Virgil, wanna go say hi?!"

"Not with you looking like that."

"Better this than what I had planned before this." He laughed, "one word, mankini!" He laughed more.

I rolled my eyes and walked over to Logan, "hey...come here often?" I asked feeling like an idiot. He just gave a small smile, "oh yeah, all the time."

God he was adorable. He blue hair shining against the sun, he was covered in rainbows, deffinatly gay. Which meant I had a chance. We walked away from Remus and Virgil, which I felt bad about doing...poor guy was not ready for Remus's...quirks.

~

As soon as we left Virgil with Remus, per his request, i decided to try and flirt with Roman again. He was wearing a skirt that made my head spin and my heart pound in my chest.

"You look rather dashing." I said softly, looking over to him to see that he was blushing, it was adorable, and it was clear he was a bottom.

Then he said something that snapped me right out of my thoughts, "can I get your number?" It took me by surprise, but who was I to deny him his request? "Of course, handsome."

He hands me his phone, open on the contact page, although he did accidently switch it to his gallery that had a picture of Roman with his shirt pulled up, held in his mouth.

"Oh? I think I accidentally found something." I said with a smirk, i will admit it. He was hot. He looked at the phone and took it away quickly, "you weren't meant to see that!"

"If not me, then who?" I asked, i felt something new inside...jealousy. "Well no one really...its more for myself." He looked down with a blush.

"Well, maybe I can see all that in person soon." I said with a wink as I finally put my number in his phone. I knew I was being what Virgil would call 'smooth as fuck', was I using my ability to know what to say and when to say it to get me a date? Of course I was.

~

I started freaking out when he asked about the picture, I'm lucky he didn't decide to scroll. Although I do like how I look in these pictures, they weren't just for me...i sent them to my ex. I felt lonely, and he texted me...not that I would ever tell Logan that.

Anyway, after the photo fiasco, we walked around for a bit. We watched the drag show together and just had a fun time. It was clear he was flirting with me the whole time, and i flirted right back.

Remus had texted me asking if I was coming home tonight because Virgil wanted to come with, i decided I would make do with what I had. I was going home with Logan, if he would let me.

~

Not even a minute after Virgil texted me that he was going home with his ex, i had Roman against my car, his thighs around me. I was kissing his neck and lips, it was sloppy in the best way.

I had his shirt opened up so I could feel his skin, i was going to wait before I tore off his clothing, but it was hard.

We did manage to get to my house without killing the mood. Kissing and flinging clothes around as we made out way to my room.

~

He threw me onto the bed, crawling over me to reclaiming my lips, he tasted like cinnamon, sweet and intoxicating, i couldn't get enough.

He pulled at my skirt lightly enough to signal that he wanted to go underneath, before realizing he could just lift it up.

~

His moans were passionate and full of love, not lust. I realized afterwards that this was not going to be a one night stand like I had thought.

Later that morning I heard the door slam, realizing it was Virgil, i panicked slightly. Romans and I's clothes are all over the living room and I'm naked in bed with him, with my door wide open.

"I see you got princey." He groaned out. "Well, i guess it's not too bad, it's not like you're the only one." He said with a dark smile creeping on his face.

"Could you uh...bring our clothes in here? I forgot to grab those earlier. " I asked as I sat up, keeping the covers over most of me.

"Whatever specs." He called out as he went to grab our clothing, throwing it in my room and closing my door. I sighed happily as I look over at Roman, he looked so perfect, even after a night like the one we had. His hair was messy now and sweat covered his entire body.

I put a hand against his abs and laid back down, i was fit, but I didn't have rock hard abs like him. I didn't look perfect, even after bottoming for nearly an hour. I was nothing like him, i was a nerd, i was healthy for the sake of being healthy, i wore glasses, i was a serious person. He was perfect...and he still asked me for my number, he still let me take him home.

~

I woke up in his arms, his big strong arms. I was over heating a bit, but there was no way I would let this moment go. I rolled over to see him better. "Good morning sleeping beauty." He said before placing a kiss on my lips.

"Morning." I said in a breathy way. He was georgous, the sunlight hitting his face just right to make him look like a god. Although he was godly in bed.

He smiled at me before kissing me again. The cinnamon taste didn't leave his lips, they were still sweet. I placed my hand on his cheek pulling him slightly closer to me.

Suddenly there was a hand on my thigh, "are you asking for round two already?" I called out teasingly as I pulled away. He chuckled, "considering my roommate just keft for work, deffinatly." He kissed me again, trapping me from leaving, not that I wanted to though.

"One more time...and then I need to start going home." I said softly before kissing him needingly.

Within minutes, I'm a mess of moans and too much grabbing. It was clear I was trying to grab onto any part of Logan I physically could, and he loved it.

It took another hour to finish, and then nearly half an hour for us both to get dressed. That had more to do with him not wanting me to leave, pulling me into his lap, kissing my neck, at this point I thought I should just move in.

He kissed me, pulling me back into his house before I told him that I had to leave. He offered me a ride, i thought for a second. I decided one ride home wouldn't kill me.

~

I drove him home, kissing him at the door, normally I would let them leave in the morning, but there was something about him that was so dofferent than the others.

He was strong and confident, handsome and god knows I took it all in. He was the perfect human being. I didn't want this to just be a one time thing, so I texted him all night, and the next one...and all next week. For months we were texting, there were more pictures than words though, and occasionally he would ask me over, or ask to come over. Those were my favorite nights.

About 3 months into this, i decided I wanted more than sex. I wanted a relationship. I asked him over.

'Let me get ready and I'll be there in 10.' That was his text, sent with a wink.

'Actually. I would like to take you to dinner. Please wear something nice, i can pick you up, you can pick me up, or we can meet there if you would like to.'

30 minutes passed before I finally got an answer. ' Meet me there then. Sorry, my brother stole my phone.' I smiled and got ready, sending him the address.

We went to a fancy restaurant, he looked handsome in his nice black shirt and pants. His hair was in a messy on purpose look, still red. He sat down in front of me.

I wore a nice blue shirt and black pants, hair slicked back. "You clean up nicely." He teased up. I laughed nervously. At that point I realized that I loved him.

"Is there a reason you asked to meet at a restaurant instead of just your house? That's where your bed is." He said softly, i nodded.

"Roman, in the past few months, i believe I have fallen in love with you." His face lit up "Logan...i love you too." He said softly. "With that said...would you like to be my official boyfriend?" I asked in a near whisper.

"Oh my god yes I would!" He was trying not to tell, but I didn't mind. I was happy.

That night was celebrated with a few glasses of wine and two margaritas, as well as him coming home with me, the first time as my boyfriend.

Ask to be put on my general writing taglist!

[dornishsphinx]

Spoilers for AI: The Somnium Files 

Spoilers up to Iris Ending and to ‘Don’t Believe’ lock

No post-credits scene… aw. Though I guess the lock on the other Somnium path is unlocked now, so… but still, I was anticipating it.

‘Date also has a brain tumour’ is now my theory. I’d noticed for a while that Aiba keeps bringing up medication he knows nothing about and saying how not having enough is making him go weird. Like, they are jokey segments while looking around, but they’re still adding up. Especially with seeing the corpse he saw in Mizuki’s Somnium while Aiba wasn’t there to corroborate, when Iris was still alive, if we discount their parallel worlds thing (given that Hitomi described how the tumour is making Iris a bit delusional too, with Naix and aliens and the like, and especially since Iris is the one who brought it up.)

“This rearview mirror reminds me of Egyptian mythology!”

You don’t say, Aiba. That has never come up before.

So that’s why their eyes are removed!! Ahh, all the mentions of Egyptian mythology, and how mummies in Ancient Egypt got their brains accessed with hooks and they mentioned before offhand that the eye socket is the main way to access the brain, but I hadn’t considered that that was the case until Date was like “oh” at the manual and I was like OH. So that’s been the case with Shoko, Renju, Sejima, and Iris in different timelines, Renju ate Shoko’s eyeball, Renju wanted to bring Iris to the warehouse… aghh. And Naix doesn’t exist, because of the other ‘don’t believe’ way in the Somnium… (Ota was absolutely bluffing for Iris’ approval. I mean, Illuminati and Freemasons? You’re trying a bit too hard there, kid. And also since he is also on the To-Witter, I’m betting Iris’ delusions with secret societies began with checking out her #1 fan’s feed.)

Okay, new Egyptian mythology mentioned overall: Hathor when discussing mirrors, Iris' cat thing is specifically based on Bastet (which makes sense, goddess of dancing and all) explicit mentioning of the Osiris, Isis, Horus and Set myths while talking to Iris. Which, given how un-shy the game is about any and every possible sexual detail, I like the fact that it didn’t mention the dick or lettuce thing. It really shows that Falco was explaining these things to a little kid, especially with the voices she was putting on, like she was imitating him… ahhh. (Also, just realised the parallel between Date and Mizuki and Falco and Iris, two detectives (or ex detective) taking on a fatherly role to a twelve year old girl despite having zero experience. More on Wadjet having moon powers (Pewter kinda matches Thoth a bit, with his wisdom thing). Also, Osiris matches Sejima, which I hadn’t noticed before. Hacked into pieces and missing a bit, “Isis” kissed him in her Somnium. He’s probably gonna end up being her dad too, tying into the being family thing, given how often Hitomi has been seen talking to him while they all deny knowing each other. Teen mother made pregnant by prominent politician…

But he’s also Date’s dad, apparently. Even if that ending was a while back now, I’ve not forgotten, game! That’s what he said!

Then there’s the link between the Greek goddess Iris (the symbol of the flowers is good news and hope, which I’d forgotten to write down, thank you game for reiterating) and Isis, explaining why Iris’ stage name is A-set. Also, a mention of Poseidon, while we’re on the Greek pantheon, with the tridents in Sunfish Pocket.

Speaking of: Renju, holy shit. “I was the lookout in high school while yakuza took advantage of old people’s loneliness to get put in their wills, then killed them by throwing them in a hot bath drunk which would make them haemorrhage, have a heart attack, or drown.” Renju, why the hell does your side business maid café have a nautical theme with “Sea Kings” after that?! Is this your trauma response?!

(……….HMMMMMM. THE CYCLOPS IS POSEIDON’S CHILD. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. IS CYCLOPS THE KILLER OR THE VICTIM OF THE KILLER??? THE ONE IN THE ODYSSEY CAN BE ARGUED AS BOTH, AFTER ALL. RENJU. RENJU.)

Though also… Renju’s lover! Ahh, I had my suspicions after Mama said it was Renju who gave her the Saint Sebastian picture given how symbolic he is to the gay community specifically, and then Pewter has had a number of things in his space which suggested he was into men, but I only put two and two together just before it came up! And Renju was so protective of the watch Pewter gave him… he really wasn’t using him, at least I hope… and oh man, now I just feel so bad for Pewter in the other time branch where Renju is horribly murdered and he has to help solve the case. I wonder if that’s part of why he got away from Boss to reveal things, and wanted to get the murderer caught so badly, after Iris and Ota die, it’s cover for his true feelings for the second victim… and also, I’m wondering if that’s why he was so distant from his wife and child, spending so much time away from them. Maybe marrying a woman was covering for himself, especially since he’s from a rich family. Though he wasn’t left the Fishing Company from his grandfather…

(Also, Mizuki saying such nice things about the LGBT+ community in Marble, even when she likely didn’t know about her dad… ;A; please don’t be a badyin who killed your ex-wife, Renju…)

Renju not wanting Iris to dance and focus on other talents, probably because of her balance issues, having looked after her a lot as a kid (hey, dude, couldn’t you have done that for your own kid too, huh?) I wonder if he was bringing her there to try and fix the tumour, since she’d end up dead soon as per this ending, and it was a last-ditch attempt. But then, all the other murders, and his involvement… and all her other deaths. Cryogenesis could be a thing he was trying with the freezing. perhaps, in this timeline, but she died of stab wounds which makes it unlikely. Did Renju kill Shoko so Falco could have an excuse to be out of prison and escape custody, since Iris was close to death and they both wanted to try and rescue her? But that’s way too out there a theory, and there’s no reason coming up as of yet for Shoko to die. It’s not like she was in a medical company, and Somniums don’t access stuff like medical patents or whatever.

Iris has also been to the warehouse before! It was in her Somnium! But her eye wasn’t gone! Was her right eye removed instead, replaced with a prosthetic and she’s been half-blind the whole time? The Cyclops murders shown were exactly the same, so they couldn’t have been delusion. They did talk about Rohan’s condition, but it doesn’t seem to link up. And for a matter of fact, we still don’t know why he jumped.

There has to be a reason all the information in the victims’ Somniums needed to be accessed too, and Renju is dead too in the other timeline, with Boss being the one to kill an eyeless Sejima… a third machine which works on the other eye having been used in the previous string of murders? Rohan’s fetish being an outright lie??

Ahhhhh there are so many unanswered questions and pieces of info, trying to figure out which one is foreshadowing or the answer to which is impossible! Gahhhhh! And now one of the locked routes is open!!)

[constantlyirksome]

For Pose’s Second Season Activism is in Vogue (2x01 Review.)

The most impressive element for Pose’s second season premier is the importance given to accurately portraying some truly harrowing realities for the LGBT community and people of color during the AIDs crisis. The show has jumped forward in time to 1990, where the body count has reached an unacceptable amount, and the community is fed up. Fed up with the state, the church, and with everyone else just willing to sit and watch their chosen families and friends die. The balls are just as fabulous, camp and fun, they are the shows most joyous moments, as you watch contestants prance, preen, and get read to filth by Pray Tell, you just wanna be there. But everyone in the ballroom feels the urgency and the sorrow of the times they live in. While the main characters snatched trophies a lot of interesting, real history was covered, and it made what is already an incredible show into something cultural essential.

The first scene opens with Pray and mother Blanca taking a trip to the very real and very horrendous Hart Island to pay their respects to a deceased friend. Hart island was essentially a mass grave on an island in the Bronx, where unclaimed bodies from city morgues, and those whose loved ones couldn’t afford proper ceremonies were buried. It became a dumping ground for victims of the AIDS epidemic, their bodies separated from everyone else, lest they give the disease to other dead people, makes sense right?

The disinterested worker who Blanca and Pray encounter just makes the place sound all the more horrible with how totally nonchalantly she describes the layout and the rules. The duo is deservedly mystified. It sort of drives home the disinterest, the total dismissal of those who died by the straight communities, by those unaffected. The actual scene they encounter after is something from a nightmare. Big diggers carve out mass graves, stacked with wooden crates, each with a body inside, with nothing but a number spray-painted on top to indicate who the poor souls inside were. Knowing that Blanca and Pray both have HIV, you can see the heartbreak and terror as Billy Porter and MJ Rodriguez give a tearful goodbye to their friend.

Jump forward to the world listening to Madonna’s Vogue, that has just been released, and the people in the ballroom scene have a reason to celebrate again, believing the exposure to their world will bring positive change. Blanca, in particular, sings queen Madonnas praises the whole episode, believing blindly that the song will change their lives. Now nearly thirty years on, we know the song didn’t do that. Madonna sort of sanitized the movement and no one outside the LGBT cared to wonder where it came from. But it’s hope; hope that drives Blanca to push herself and her children to do better.

She pushes Angel, who’s been taking cute photos with Lil Papi, to pursue modeling. She has the talent and the beauty, winning the season’s first ball looking rich AF (can we talk about that titty bounce??) Indya Moore is breathtaking both in beauty and performance. Her optimism, and then her deep shame when a photographer takes advantage of her is a thing to see. The close up shot on her face, while he takes nudes of her for his “personal collection” is so sad, you don’t need to see her body to feel her shame, and feel totally pissed at the photographer, who deservedly gets beaten half to death.

Lil Papi is her guardian angel this season, the two having become inseparable in the most adorable way ever. Their chemistry is out of this world as they flirt, and he looks at her like she’s a star in the sky, and she is! Seeing him smash that guys face in, or throwing his jacket in a rage over how she was treated is amazing. He’s everything Stanley from season one wasn’t. Stan saw her outward beauty, used her to explore whatever he was feeling with little regard to how that made her feel. Papi sees her beauty and then beyond, into how special she is inside. I personally cannot wait to see that relationship bloom, long live Papangel.

Just like I hope to see more of Papi/Angel Curiel-Bismark this season, so to do I want more of Sandra Bernhard as nurse Judy. Her compassion and patience with the people she treats, coupled with her fire at rallies is incredible, and Sandra B just brings something iconic to it that’s uniquely her. She brings Pray to his first rally with ACT UP (Aids Coalition to Unleash Power), is probably going to be one of the most significant incidents of the season. ACT UP is another real element Pose creators have added, including one of their Stop the Church protests, a passive lie in at a new york church led by Judy and the Evangelistas. The shots taken and interspersed that looked like real life VHS footage drew you back to the idea that while these are actors in a show, these protests were very real. Act Up was and is still an amazing group that works to fight Aids politically, religiously and medically. Pose’s decision to include these things is going to bring a lot of attention to the warriors on the front line of the AIDs crisis just like it did with ballroom, and that’s epic.

Pray Tell learns that liberation and change won’t come from a song but in radically tearing shit down and building it back up again, and he ends up screaming this message at Elektra, who decides to stay away from anything political this episode. Her time is spent planning an elaborate ballroom presentation so spectacular and choreographed Pray rips into her for misusing her time when her family needed her. He throws her trophy at her feet with the applause of everyone in the ballroom. I don’t believe Elektra is a bad person. I think there is a reason she is the way she is, and hopefully, we see more of that as she walks for the house of Ferocity, who sorely need her help.

Pray Tells call to arms is as fitting today now as it was back then, as people in the LGBT and trans women of colour are still being subjugated, murdered and treated like shit. Pose isn’t just shining a spotlight on the amazing ballroom scene, it’s also using its platform to integrate essential messages into its story, and hopefully it continues to teach in the same awesome ways as in the premier.

“We better start caring for ourselves. Show up for your lives, Wake up!”

Best Look: Elektra’s over the top, let them eat cake cotour, complete with spinning skirt and working guillotine. 

Best Read: Substitute ballroom announcer Jack (played by real ballroom icon Jack Mizrahi, “Trash bag realness darling, sponsored by GLAD. Hefty hefty hefty, wimpy wimpy wimpy!”

[centaurianthropology]

The Magnus Archives ‘Sculptor’s Tool’ (S04E06) Analysis

What a … lovely episode for Valentine’s Day.  You can always count on this podcast to bring the horrific weirdness right when we need it the most.  Come on in to hear what I have to say about ‘Sculptor’s Tool’.

The statement itself was fantastic.  The Spiral statements are always ones that lend themselves to having Jonny’s imagination run wild, and this was no exception.  I also appreciate that it seems to be a story of a woman who seemed to have been a stay-at-home mother for a university student, whose wife worked, and who got bored.  So she was an avid goer to adult education classes.  It was again nice to see how TMA quietly handles LGBTQ representation. I especially appreciate having representation of older individuals, because the LGBT elderly tend to be altogether invisible, and often forced back into the closet in order to get care.

But that’s me getting on my soap box.  Suffice to say, having a middle-aged-to-older queer woman as the statement giver was quite lovely.  

It was also fun to have a statement that kept me guessing for a long time as to which power was in play. Sculpting and art initially struck me as something for the Stranger, but the twisting shapes and the looping almost-fish and the manipulation of perception eventually took me down the Spiral’s route. It all seemed far too much like Father Burrough’s experience, and though Gabriel isn’t Michael, they seemed akin.

And then, of course, Michael did show up.  Well, not Michael, but the Distortion.  Michael wasn’t yet Michael, at this point, or he actually was Michael and not ‘Michael’. Yay Spiral confusion.  Gabriel, if I have to guess, was another avatar like the Distortion, and his sculpting the door may well have been a part of the Spiral’s ritual.  

His relocation to Sannikovland definitely seems to be evidence for that.  If he had gone there to assist the Spiral in the ritual, he may well have been there to help create the structure in which the ritual was to be performed.  It would seem a good job for a Sculptor.

Or a Worker in Clay, as Michael would go on to call him.

And it sounds like whatever was occupying Gabriel was also starting to work its way into Deborah. Both from the way that Jon sounded less and less cogent as he read the statement, and the revelations of what really happed to Mary, her fellow student, I have a genuine fear that the others in the class were always ancillary, and that she and Gabriel were locked together in this dance the whole time.

It makes me wonder if there’s a new Sculptor, now that Gabriel’s dead, and if he  even predicted the need to have a backup.

Back in the Archives, hearing Jon speculate about how he still finds what Gertrude did to Michael to be sad was relieving.  No doubt he’s looking back on his own failures to save Tim and Daisy and wondering if it makes things better or worse that he didn’t mean for either of them to die.

For my part, I do think it’s better.  It was Tim’s choice to die.  He got to dictate when and how.  He got to save the world willingly, rather than as a frightened and confused pawn like Michael.  It gave Tim back the agency that Michael was denied.

And his concern for the others continues.  I find it interesting that Melanie refuses to see Jon, but will still see Basira, when she was the one to insist that Melanie not be told before the procedure.  Jon’s quite accepting of this, and likely understands that they’ve been through a lot together.  Perhaps Melanie is more willing to forgive Basira than him after all that.  Or perhaps she simply sees Basira as less of a threat.

And then, of course, there was the end, where we get a little more context about Martin.  As some people suspected, he’s made a deal with Peter Lukas to keep the others safe, although what that might be is … questionable.

Peter talked about striking a balance, and I wonder if he’s not trying to make Martin some sort of hybrid between the Beholding and the Lonely to stop something.  It’s unclear what, as Peter talked about the Watcher’s Crown as though that wasn’t the real concern.  It was just Elias’ side project that distracted him from a bigger problem.

It also somehow involves Adelard Dekker, which makes me wonder if they aren’t trying to stop the rise of some new power.  That is, of course, if Peter’s being honest about there being a real threat, and this isn’t just an attempt to convert Martin from the Beholding to the Lonely.

That does seem a distinct possibility, given that he seems convinced that their plan requires Martin’s isolation to work.  I wonder how much of that is getting him enmeshed in the Lonely, and how much of it is keeping him from talking to Jon.  It’s likely both, as Martin clearly wants to tell Jon what’s happening. Peter’s attempted manipulation of Martin to convince him Jon wouldn’t listen is particularly galling, knowing that, in Jon’s current state, he probably would listen.

It’s especially ominous, considering that Peter has told him that after whatever it is they do, Martin won’t want to tell Jon anything.  This implies that, if Martin does commit to this, Martin will become enough of the Lonely’s creature that all regard for Jon will evaporate.  He’ll ‘save’ everyone (again, questionable) at the cost of any and all connection he might have to him.

And that’s dangerous. Connections are what’s anchoring Jon so well.  His regard for his friends, even in absentia, is making him more human than he has any right to be.  If Peter did sever Martin’s connections to Jon and the others, I really worry that Martin could rapidly fall into being a monster.

But it was encouraging that the Beholding is starting to show interest in Martin in retaliation. Perhaps it wasn’t able to get to him with Jon comatose, but now that he’s back, the tapes are rolling around Martin as well.  It may even be that the Beholding is trying to find a work-around to let them communicate. After all, with Jon’s powers growing, how long will it be until he simply KNOWS what he hears on the tapes?

And it’s also encouraging that Martin isn’t happily playing along.  Whatever’s happening, he thinks it’s necessary, but he also hates it. And he doesn’t trust Peter any more than he trusted Elias.  He wants to work with Jon, and only started working with Peter because Peter convinced him Jon would never wake up.

With the tapes rolling and the Beholding possibly pushing back against the Lonely’s hold on one of its longer-serving archivists, I think that there will be more to this conflict than Martin simply playing along to his peril.  Whatever bargain was made, and whatever threat looms, I have the feeling that Jon will get himself tangled in it.  After all, if the last season proved anything, it’s that if there’s trouble, Jonathan Sims will find it and land face-first in it.