#the way felix still looks at her with guilt in his eyes when he comes to visit no matter how many times she tries to reassure him

[ronsenburg]

This WIP Wednesday is brought to you by that one poll blog that always asks: would polyamory have saved them? (The answer here is no, not really, but it might not hurt to try.)

“Why me, Sylvain?” Dorothea asked on the night of his twelth and final proposal.

The war had been over for nearly eighteen months, by then, but the streets of Enbarr still resembled the crumbling remains of the battlefield they’d been ultimately reduced to. Memories of violence and death had been hastily plastered over the backdrop of her previous life; after everything that had happened, after everything she’d done, it was far too painful to stay. So Dorothea had made a new home in Fhirdiad, teaching all the freshly orphaned little girls to sing and shivering through even the most mild of those first autumn days. It was Sylvain who had given her the first winter cloak she would wear in the kingdom, a gift on the day of his fourth proposal. The thick wool was dyed an indigo blue so deep that it was nearly purple, the inside fully trimmed in fine black ermine. She sat with it pulled close around her that night, still cold despite the fire and the thick stone walls that separated them from the late winter chill. This little library was one of Sylvain’s favorites, a glorified storeroom filled to the brim with dusty accounts of war that no one ever bothered to open. She’d spent more evenings in this room, in this chair, than she could count, now.

“There are plenty of women out there who would gladly overlook the occasional dalliance in exchange for a title.”

“You know I’m not that person anymore,” Sylvain replied, voice pained. The light from the dying fire beside them caught the shine of his eyes as he spoke. She watched as he dragged a hand roughly across them before burying his fingers back into the strands of his already disheveled hair. It was the most distraught Dorothea had ever seen him—and it was also the most honest. This was exactly the candor she’d been asking for since the night of his third proposal, when she’d realized that under all the flirting and the banter he used to dull the actual meaning of his words, Sylvain was actually sincere. She hadn’t anticipated just how difficult it would be for him to arrive here… or the guilt she would feel watching him struggle this way. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. It isn’t a dalliance. It’s Felix.”

Dorothea shook her head softly. “I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean.”

Only, she thought she might. Maybe it was because she was an outsider, one of the few members of their little group not woven tightly among the others with years of family acquaintance or political affiliation. Maybe she was simply better at reading people. But she’d seen all the little looks and lingering touches as though they were stage directions written in the margins of a script. A love story in three acts. It was absurd to imagine she was the only one to notice. The quiet murmurs traded just beyond the circle of the party’s campfire. The look on Sylvain’s face the first time he’d come galloping out of some magically charged cloud of smoke with Felix’s unconscious body draped across the saddle.

The Sylvain of the present reminded her a bit of the man she’d seen, then. Pale and so, so desperate for her understanding. This wasn’t the poet attempting to immortalize the splendor of a great love; this was the face of someone truly haunted.

“I don’t think I can live without him, Thea,” he murmured, stricken. “Goddess knows I’ve tried to.”

And there it was, in all its gore and agony. The final bits of gossamer and tulle unwound, the evening’s makeup all washed away. Gone was the character from their academy days; all that was left before her, now, was Sylvain.

Dorothea sighed, reaching out to clasp his larger hands between her own. “Have you considered that marrying Felix might solve—“

“I can’t marry Felix,” Sylvain interrupted with a shake of his head. “Not for the reasons you’re thinking, either. It… it doesn’t work, between us. Not really. Not for long.”

[bangchansgirlsblog]

Push and pull.

Warning:  Angst

Pairing: skz x 9th member

Summary: The constant pressure of being a girl in a group of boys is crazy but crazier when your looked at like a fragile baby.

!not proofread so forgive me for mistakes!

**

“Oppa just tell me what’s wrong pleaseee?” She begged, “I also care about you and you need to calm down. This is scaring me,”

"No I want to only talk to the boys, please Y/n?" He said and It stung. 

Han had been having a mental breakdown and had been crying for an hour straight. They had just arrived from practice when he decided to brush everyone off and leave to go to his room where Y/n had been begging him to come out of.

"Okay," She softly said and left the room. Was she not going enough for him? Did he not like her? The thoughts run through her head as she laid in bed trying not to cry. The pain of feeling neglected was slowly eating her alive.

She had been begging him to tell her what had happened but he refused. He didn't want to tell her what was going on but once the boys walked in back from their schedules, he wanted to speak to them straight away. Leaving Y/n sad and confused. 

She decided to to finish some work as she waited for the boys to finish talking to Han but even then her heart wasn't settled. She wasn't able to concentrate. The guilt was eating her up. It made her feel sick. So she decided to go make herself some tea and that's when she run into Felix in the kitchen making some brownies.

"Hey Felix," she softly smile and greeted him.

"Hey Y/nnie!" He beamed and waved at her then continued to mix the mixture in the bowl. "where you able to get more tape for your knee?"

"yeah i was, Eunwo (their manager) was able to get me some on our way back," she explained while she got a glass of water. "What are you doing?"

"Making brownies for Hannie, he isn't feeling the best," Y/n turned to look at his older brother.

"Can I please know why?" She took the chance to get it out of Felix because she knew Felix wasn't their strongest soldier when it came to keeping secrets from one another.

"No I'm sorry, Han said not to tell you," he looked back at the butter quickly trying to avoid the eye contact.

"But Lix-"

"No I'm not telling you, it's not my secret to tell," he cut her off and continued his work. He felt really bad for leaving her out but he knew himself he couldn't spill anything just yet.

"Okay, fine be a meanie,"  She softly sighed and got her cup of now iced coffee.

"No don't be like that, Han will tell you when his ready," he pouts walking over to her to her. hoping that someway he could fix the situation. 

Everyone knew that Y/n felt left out most of the times because she was the only girl and sometimes the boys had things they couldn’t tell her or share with her but other than that they told her everything and they tried to make her feel apart of the group. 

Since felix was the most sensitive and softest out of everyone he felt the need to protect her because felix did feel left out at a point when he couldn’t speak korean fluently and Y/ was the one who would stay up with him trying to help him study. In this case, Y/n was not feeling this 'brotherly' love. 

She shrugged his hands off and took a step back trying to get out of his reach. "I'm his bestfriend too, I'm part of this team too but I keep being treated like I'm an outsider," She let out a sigh and wiped the rolling tear. Trying to make sure Felix didn't see her cry.

"No don't cry please," he begged but she simply walked past him but ofcourse felix tried to follow but she stopped him and continued into her room where she locked the door and stayed there for the rest of the evening.

When it was time for dinner she went outside to grab the stuff she had ordered since leeknow wasn't cooking tonight and she sat on the empty dining table. Everyone was still sat in Han's room and there were a few empty cups on the table meaning they had all eaten already.

Felix had left her a plate of brownies for desert and a cup of milk so atleast she knew they still acknowledge her. As she sat there she got bored and saw it was 8pm.

So since she had nothing planed for the evening she decided to get up, put everything away and grab her training stuff to head to the jyp building. It was a short walk anyway and korea was a safe place to be wondeirng at night. The builidng looked quite empty but a few people were locking up and packingup to head home.

She scanned the hallways for an empty room and she finally did find one but was soon interrupted but Jae Beom and his crew. His smile was bright and he was so excited to see her.

"Y/nnie!"

"Oppa!" she squealed. Her sad aura was now replaced with happiness at the sight of her favorite older brothers. She quickly run over and age each of them hugs while saying hello.

"What are you doing here so late? Where are your brothers?" He asked dropping his practice bag and walking back over to her. He pulled her in a hug once again. Although they worked in the same company they barely saw each other due to schedules and stuff.

"Han wasn't feeling well so they are taking care of him and I decided to come practice," She explained. The boys were now all paying close attention to her.

"Ahhh I see! Can we join you?" Mark asks. His hands were in his pockets and they all didnt have makeup on so it meant that they were also here just for free practice.

"Yes sure, I need company anyway," She smiled and headed over to the laptop that was by the speakers. "What should we start with?"

"Can you teach us S-class? Its so hard and we've been trying to learn it," Jackson pouts and raffles her hair,

"Yeah the hand movement is impossible!" Jinyoung chirps in.

She giggled at this because they all reminded her so much of her little brothers back at home when S-class had just come out. "Sure, I can its not that hard," the groans in response made her laugh fill the room so she just played the song and they all run through it as she taught them step by step and by the time they were done, it was 1 in the morning. ONE IN THE MORNING? fuck.

She quickly took out her phone from her bag and looked at it to see thousands of missed calls and (as if in cue) that's when Hyunjin and I.N slammed the door open. they were both panicked and Hyunjins phone was ringing alot while I.N was frantic talking to someone of his phone.

"There you are!" Hyunjin exclaimed panting and huffing. "We've been calling, texting and even fucking tracking your phone, why wouldn’t you tell us your here? This is extremely dangerous Y/n! Oh my God!"

"Y/nnie! do you know how worried we were?! Chan hyung and Leeknow hyung are on some road screaming your name looking for you everywhere," I.N yells at her causing her to jump at the sudden loud voices.

"My phone was off, I was just practicing here-" she tried to explain but was interrupted immediately. 

"Okay, it doesn’t matter now, let's go home, we were worried sick, hang on...grab your stuff," he got out his phone and started talking to someone that sounded like Chan. With the way Hyunjin was cringing she knew she was dead meat. 

She quickly grabbed my Bags, her laptop and quickly said bye to everyone who were also as terrified as she was but they totally understood and told her to just be safe and to text them. She quickly made her way behind Hyunjin and I.N who were towering over her. Once hyunjin hang up the phone finally, he slowed down so he was walking by her side.

"Never do that again please,"

"But I was just with my friends,"

"You know we don't trust you in a room full men," he softly says ruffling his hands through her hair.

"Yeah I know, I know. I'm in shit, i've accepted it," she groaned but remembered the only reason she was in this mess, "Is Hannie okay now?"

"Yeah he is and he wants to talk to you," She look up at him confused. Her heart jumping. 

"What about?" she asked on a confused tone. Hyunjin glances over at I.N who gulps. They both look at eachother as if communicating.

"Felix said that you were upset-"

"I wasn't upset really," She quickly explained.

"Oh well now you can explain that to him anyway but right now those are your least of your worries cause Chan is going to kill you in cold blood," I.N takes of his jacket and hands it to her. she was freezing and she was wearing a tank top but luckily I.N had a hoodie and jacket on.

Ugh. She sighed softly when they arrived to the house. She stopped causing the boys to look at her confused. Her worries and sadness came washing over her. With the way she had fun at the studio with her other brothers she had totally forgotten the depression she was facing at home.

She took a deep breath (quite dramatically) earning a chuckle from both boys and she walked up the stairs into the house where Chan and Leeknow were Ofcourse sitting on the dining table with a coffee mug both. She couldn't even sneak past them which was her only hope in avoiding them. She quickly turned around but was met with Hyunjins chest. sigh.

"Stop, turn around and sit," Chan voice was loud meaning he was serious. she quickly followed his instructions and sat on the chair across both of them.

"What time is it?" He squints his eyes and looks at her.

"1:30 Oppa," she sighed and looked down at her fingers. 

"Why would you leave the house without letting us know? What if something had happened and we didn't know-"

"Your always scolding me and not treating me like an adult," she snapped at him. This made Hyunjin stop in his tracks and turned back and I.N  paused whatever he was doing to over at them. Never ever did she snap at the boys especially chan because she loved them and they were older than her so she was so respectful. This was a shock and the gasp that left leeknows lips was evidence.

"That's not true I always treat you like an adult," Chan defended himself. 

"You don't Oppa! You don't get it, just because I'm 19 doesn't mean I'm a kid, I'm only one year younger than I.N and he gets treated like an adult, everything I do you guys have to be there watching and whenever you guys have conversations I'm pushed to the side. Yes I get I'm a girl and I'm young but it doesn't mean I'm not part of the team, I'm allowed to walk out the house right now if I wanted to, if I wanted a babysitter I would have hired you a long time," 

"Y/n dont raise your voice at hyung like that. Its not right," Leeknows eyes were red. he was pissed off and it was clear. 

"Dont talk to me like that Y/n. If you have a problem you tell me, you dont yell. Look at me when im talking to you," She looked up at him. He looked tired, frustrated and mad. He had to first deal with Han...now this?

"fine sorry," she was done. she was done with this conversation, she was done with the boys, she was done with everything. She stood up and stormed out the room. Chan following right behind her 

"We're not done here young lady, You think i want this? you think i want to constantly be checking on you? you think i want to be. You keep acting childish thats why i have to keep tabs on you!" with every second he was getting louder and louder. 

"Chan dont, lets go calm down-" leeknow grabs his arm trying to keep him away.

"Y/n go to your room," Changbin interferes trying to break the two up. 

"See!" she exclaimed and walked into her room shutting it and locking it.

[therandompagesblog]

SKZ Mate Chapter 13

Warnings: Angsty Minho, minor violence

Y/N felt a pain in her chest as she baked a load of snacks for Minho. Her omega didn't like what they were doing to Minho on his birthday. He seemed to value being close to people and took it personally when the smallest things were not recognised. She wanted to make it all better but Changbin promised he will be alright, eventhough Y/N disagreed. It wasn't fair, Minho must have felt annoyed to not go out on his birthday if it was a tradition. Y/N wouldn't have minded staying home if she couldn't go out. Y/N felt awful which was why she wanted to do something nice for him while they were out distracting him. She even spent the morning tidying his nest up, making sure it was as neat as possible for him. She even added some candles that she thought would enhance his scent. Once everything was baked she put it into tupperware boxes and left it on his side with a handwritten note for him, hoping he would appreciate it. When she walked back down into the kitchen to finish helping Felix she saw Hyunjin leaning against the alcove. His hair was pinned back into a lose ponytail, some of it falling out. He looked shattered, but somehow still looked incredibly attractive.

"Are you feeling better?" Y/N whispered, trying not to make eye contact with him as she walked passed him to Felix.

"Wouldn't you like to know." His tone laced with irony a meaning she didn't understand.

"Ah Alpha Hyunjin, your back. Did you shower?" Felix stated in excitement as he saw the alpha had returned. "Are you hungry, I made lots of food. I can make more."

"I am alright Lixie. Do not worry, I'm going out with Chan soon anyway." Hyunjin said softly as he ruffled the younger betas hair.

Y/N watched their interaction and found it quite sweet but also different. She hadn't seen Hyunjin as gentle before. Felix she had seen as gentle as if he was an omega. Felix was very docile and kind. He was always willing to please and if he got it wrong he felt immense guilt. She had never met such a sensitive beta before. It was quite cute, he reminded her of Yeosang. He was a very caring omega and always put others first. Felix noticed her staring at him and gave her a big grin, beckoning her over.

"What are you thinking about?" Felix asked as he brushed her hair behind her ear with his little finger.

"Your hair is getting longer." Y/N stated.

"Do you not like it?" Felix asked nervously.

"No. No. I really like it a lot, it's kind of sexy." Y/N blurted out, making Felix grin. His heart was being so hard in his chest in excitement.

"You're so cute Y/N-ssi." Felix stated as he pulled her into a hug, kissing all over her face, making the omega more embarrassed. "I'll keep it as long as you want. Come on let's finish this." Y/N and Felix continued to decorate the kitchen table with food, while Jisung and Jeongin where pulling some games out. It was all going great up until Minho had arrived with Seungmin and Jeongin.

"What's happened?" Y/N asked as she saw the angry look on Minho's face and an awkward Jeongin and Seungmin.

"Just stay out of my way." Minho growled as he pushed past Seungmin when Y/N grabbed hold of him with him excitement.

"Come on Minho-ah. I've got to show you something you'll-"

"I'm not in the mood omega. You better not have been in my room!" Minho shouted, snatching his arm away from her. Y/N's jaw tightened and she tried to focus on the wall in front of her so she didn't cry, but it was too late.

Felix ran towards Y/N and pulled her into his chest letting her cry. His beta instincts kicked in when he saw her disappointed face. Felix felt guilty, it was his idea to tidy Minho's room and put something's in there for him.

"Come on omega, Lix. We need to grab some candles." Hyunjin stated as he grabbed his car keys as the two wolves stared at him. "Let's go before Chan changes his mind." Felix nodded and walked to the cupboard to grab Y/N's coat only to realize she didn't have one so he grabbed Seungmins for her and gave it to her. It was a little bit too big for her but it will do.

"Let's go. Minho will be fine, he's probably feeling guilty." Hyunjin stated as he tried to hurry them up to the car. Y/N awkwardly followed, taking Felix's warm hand to the car and sitting in the back with him.

"Do not worry about Minho Hyung. He will feel guilty." Felix promised. What she didn't know was that Felix was right. The minute Minho had walked into his room and saw the note left on his side his heart shattered. He felt immense guilt as he read the note over and over again. He felt awful as he thought back to her excited face. Minho sat there in the middle of the floor and cried, knowing he had ruined it.

When they reached the shopping mall Felix took his hand in hers, holding it tightly as they followed Hyunjin to the shop.

"I'm going to go down there to get some art supplies, you stay with Felix." Hyunjin stated as Felix grabbed her hand tightly taking her to find candles.

"Ah ha. Here we go!" Felix stated as he grabbed the two and the six. Y/N realised she didn't know how old any of them where.

"Felix, how old are you?" Y/N asked.

"I'm 24. Wait, how old are you? When is your birthday. Have we missed it?" Felix asked nervously.

"No no. My birthday is February the 18th. I'm 23." Y/N answered

"Your birthday is near Jeongins. His is the 8th of February." Felix answered as he took her hand to the baking section. "I need some more tins as the other ones are not so good."

"Shall I take these to Hyunjin? He's only down there?" Y/N asked.

"Be quick." Felix stated as he looked through the tins and baking trays. Y/N nodded, pulling on Seungmins coat as she headed towards Hyunjin. Y/N pulled at the zip up to her neck, hiding her chin as she started to feel uncomfortable. There was a scent of old leather and spices around and she didn't trust it. She didn't want to panic incase it was another wolf but something in the back of her mind stated it wasn't and she was right to think that. As soon as she turned the corner she walked straight into her old alpha. Shit. Wooyoung! Y/N freezed as she stared up at him, almost holding her breath, as she slowly backed away, but he already grabbed, taking zero chances. Wooyoung wrapped his arms tightly around her and pulled her out of the shop.

"Where did you run off too, omega? Ay?" Wooyoung's voice burned deep into Y/N's soul, rebranding her all over again.

"Do you know how worried Hongjoong has been? He will forgive you omega. He will forgive you for hitting him over the head. He knows it wasn't your fault. He knows it's Jongho's fault." Wooyoung cooed but his tone held a lie. Y/N started to panic as he pushed her out of the shopping mall.

"Look who it is omega. It's San." Wooyoung whispered, causing Y/N to dig her heals straight into the ground. San isn't always as kind when he was angry.

"Please. Please. Please." Y/N begged as she tried to pull him off of her. Her hands pushed and slapped Wooyoung but he didn't budge. Y/N even tried to bite him as she knew her fangs could do a lot of damage but she couldn't reach him. San watched in amusement as she thrashed in Wooyoung's arm.

"Come now omega. You've played long enough." San stated as he walked towards her, grabbing her chin roughly, forcing her to meet his amber eyes. As soon as she did he slapped her straight across the face. Y/N's hand slowly reached towards her nose as she felt the blood start to drip.

"Wooyoung!" Hyunjin growled, his eyes a deep shade of red as he met them, an angry Felix behind him. Y/N had never seen this side of Felix before. He looked lethal. His jaw locked and his hands clenched ready to fight if he needed too.

"Hyunjin" Wooyoung turned around, laughing at the alpha as he held Y/N tight in his grasp. "How unfortunate we meet again."

"Let. Her. Go." Hyunjin growled, his eyes burning into Wooyoung's.

"How about no. She isn't yours." Wooyoung taunted, throwing his head back with a laugh when Felix pounced straight onto San knocking him to the ground. Felix was relentless as he punched San. Wooyoung narrowed his eyes as he realised he underestimated Felix. Hyunjin could tell he was panicking as he slowly started to back away with Y/N still in his grasp. Hyunjin crouched slightly waiting for Wooyoung to relax his hold so he could pull Y/N back. He wanted to grab her without hurting her too much but knew there might be some damage.

"Little wolf." Hyunjin called, giving her a soft look before he grabbed her the bottom of her coat trying to drag her foreword when Wooyoung had pulled her back by the neck, causing Y/N to help. Hyunjin pushed forward and hit the side of Wooyoung's face causing the alpha to throw the omega to the side. As soon as Y/N hit the concrete floor she took a quick glance to see Felix pushing San's head to the side when she heard a snap. Felix had killed San.

[justastraymoa]

Unwilling Alpha

Chapter 3

Masterlist taglist

Hard conversations and 1st meal with the Omegas.

Warnings ⚠️ swears, abo dynamics, mentions of slave trade, mentions of rape, mentions of abuse, mentions of death, fear, manipulation.

Nothing within reflects anyone or anything irl

There was one open seat left in the living room. An oversized, overstuffed chair. I moved around the others, not missing the way they leaned towards me to sniff as I passed by. I wanted to hug myself and hide. It was very weird to be sniffed so openly.

Felix sat close to Chan, still not looking up. Chan had an arm over his lap.

“Anyone here not completely convinced y/n is their Alpha? Our Alpha?” Chan asked.

I looked around the room, no one spoke up or raised their hand.

"None of the other Alphas even came close to smelling like her. My instincts are going crazy right now.” Hyunjin confirmed.

"Hey Chan.” I spoke saccharine sweet.

“Yeah?” He replied.

“I hate you.”

"No, you don’t. You’re just being dramatic.”

"My life is over! I’m allowed to be dramatic!

Chan just rolled his eyes, ignoring my entire fucking crisis. I wanted to scream, cry, and punch him all at the same time.

"Hyung, you said you were going to explain.” Changbin reminded.

And so, Chan went on to tell everyone all about his quick trip to my small town and the deal that was made. It occurred to me that I never planned beyond the week. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be the one to be able to bond with them. So, I made no plans on what to do next. If I should do anything.

“So, you’re not going to bond us?” Seungmin asked when Chan was finished.

They were all looking at me again, making me feel incredibly self-conscious. “I didn’t plan on this actually working.” I was the only response I would truly, honestly give them. I didn’t know what to do now.

"She is going to be here for the week. No one is going to bug or pressure her to stay beyond that.” Chan warned. “Let JYP and I discuss it with her.”

And I’m sure there will be a lot of discussions. A lot of promises made. Guilt trips. I would get it all.

"So, nothing’s been solved. We are still just as screwed as ever.” Lee Know sounded angry and I looked at my lap knowing this was all because of me.

I stood up. “Maybe I should go-“ I pointed a thumb at the door.

“No!” The response was immediate and from every Omega in the room, making me blink.

Han reached and grabbed my forearm. “You promised a week.” He reminded. His chemo signals smelled of anxiety and fear.

“To a hotel. I was going to say to a hotel.” I finished. I had meant to suggest the hotel to give them time to discuss this without me.

“We can’t guarantee no one will smell your subgender in a hotel. It’s not safe.” Cahn reminded gently.

I let my head fall back before I dropped into a crouched ball and hid my face in my knees and arms, tears threatening behind my eyes. Everything was so messed up now.

I felt someone crouch next to me and start to rub my back, but I didn’t look to see who.

"You guys know how dangerous it can be for an Alpha nowadays.” Chan started talking again, softly. “We have heard horror stories from almost every Alpha we’ve tried. y/n has been hiding her subgender with suppressants. Even coming here is a huge risk for her. Let’s all keep that in mind.”

There was a heavy thump on my upper arm that I assumed was the person rubbing my back resting their forehead on me. The contacts made me feel better.

They showed me to what appeared to be a guest bedroom. There were faint scents of other Alphas so this must have been made up specifically for potential bonding Alphas. It even has its own bathroom. It just reminded me again what I am really here for.

I sighed and bid them goodnight, shutting the door with no plans to actually sleep. I was on an opposite sleep schedule then them. And I slept on the plane not too long ago.

By the end of the week, I’ll be on the same sleep schedule as them, only to go home and repeat the whole process all over again.

Instead, I stripped off my clothes and ran a nice hot bath. Grabbing my phone and a book I brought I slowly settled into the water, hoping for a relaxing time reading and doom scrolling to pass the night.

I did manage a few hours of sleep near dawn. Hopefully enough to get me through the day. I was awake and dressed for the day when Chan knocked on my door. I bid him enter.

“Um, breakfast is ready.” He informed. He looked unsure.

I nodded. “I’ll be right out.” I needed a moment to gather the strength and courage to face everyone again. My dream of meeting Stray Kids has turned into a nightmare.

But instead of leaving, Chan stepped in and shut the door. I watched him in question.

"I wanted to apologize for last night. Things did not go like any of us planned.”

I snorted softly. That was an understatement. “It’s fine, Chan. I just-I don’t know what to do now.” I admitted.

He smiled sadly and nodded. “Well, you have all week to figure it out. In the meantime, just enjoy your time here.”

I followed Chan out to the table where everyone was sitting in varying stages of being awake. I sat at an empty chair between Seungmin and I.N, noticing no one had started eating yet. I wondered what they were waiting on.

When I was settled I.N started putting food on my plate for me. Heavy on all the best stuff. Then he sat back, and everyone looked at me. I blinked not knowing what they wanted.

“You have to start eating.” Han whispered helpfully from across the table.

“Why?” I whispered back. I was the only one with food, it would be rude to eat in front of them.

“You’re Alpha.” He said it like that explained everything.

“It’s an instinct thing. Just take a bite.” Seungmin sounded exasperated with the whole thing.

So, I picked up my chopsticks and took a bite. As soon as I did, they flurried into motion, filling their own plate and eating. Then I realized what happened. It finally clicked into place.

Their Omega instincts wouldn’t let them start eating until their freaking Alpha did. I felt sick to my stomach suddenly and set my chopsticks down.

I stayed at the table only because if I left it would have upset them, but I couldn’t bring myself to eat another bite. If any of them noticed, they didn’t bring it up. Instead, they talked amongst themselves, pretty much ignoring me entirely now that I did what they needed.

Slowly they all finished and left the table to start their day, leaving the dishes, leftovers, and me alone at the table. My eyes pricked with tears again as I started to gather dishes to clean up.

This is what they expected from their Alpha. Follow them around the world, take care of them, clean up after them, fulfill their instinctual needs. If I stayed, that’s what I had to look forward to at “home”. Meanwhile, their managers would shape me into the idol Alpha that can be seen with Stay Kids and make them money.

I put away the food, did the dishes, wiped the table, and swept the floor all in silence. While I did, I could hear the 8 Omegas going about their day. A small group was in the living room playing games. Some were in their rooms; doors open but doing their own thing. They were loud, yelling at each other from different rooms. Chaotic as they enjoyed their days.

With nothing else to do I set up my laptop at the table, put some headphones in, and logged into work. I would get an email from my boss later since I was supposed to be on vacation, but it was after hours back home, so he wouldn’t know for hours yet, and I needed a distraction.

There wasn’t so much a lunch as people made something to eat when they were hungry, so I was spared being used as an Alpha for the moment. I had a feeling dinner would not be the same story.

Not even one of them spoke to me all day. Ignored my presence as if I was a lamp or coffee table, only interacting with me when they needed me.

“You’re stinking up the room.” Lee Know complained as I.N filled up my dinner plate.

I had been in my own depressing thoughts as I stared at my plate. Instead of answering him I took a bite of food and chewed as they all loaded their dishes.

I was once again left with clean up.

As I was washing dishes, the doorbell rang. Assuming someone would get it, I kept washing. The bell rang again a minute later.

“Someone get the door!” Seungmin yelled.

I sighed as I dried my hands as I walked over to the door. It was JYP. “Chans in the living room.” I informed him as I went back to the dishes.

But he followed me instead. “They already have you doing chores, huh?” He joked.

I tried to smile, but my lips wobbled dangerously so I quickly looked away, back to the dishes. “Just doing my job. An Alpha takes care of their Omegas. Even prospective ones. However temporary.”

That’s right. This was only for the promised week. I didn’t have to stay. They weren’t my Omegas. 1 week, and my end of the bargain was fulfilled. Just play their game.

Since I was avoiding looking up from the dishes, I was startled when JYPs hand entered my vision, gently taking the sponge. I looked over. He had rolled his sleeves up to the elbows.

“Let me help. You can dry.” He said gently.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Unwilling Alpha Taglist: @xxeiraxx @hanniemylovelyquokka @breadedloafs @songleepark @f1ln4dr3cl16mv33 @hyunjinhoexxx @kayleefriedchicken @vietjeb

[s3raphimssins]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷pairings: Chuuya x subordinate!reader (established relationship)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷prompt: darling can I be your favorite <3,

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷Felix's Note: I listen to a new song and I suddenly get motivated to write a fic based on it so here ya go, a fresh chuuya x reader! Also I think as far as I've read it's gender neutral reader! :D

The way his eyes followed your every move was hard to ignore, according to his other subordinates chuuya had favorites and you were that favorite, when inquired about it he'd shut them off by saying something "you think the mafia has time for favorites? You dare question your superior?" And gave them work to do, but only those with sharp eyes could catch that pink that dusted on his cheeks. Whenever he spoke to you in contrast to his other subordinates his gaze softened, pupils dialated. The look of worry that would cross his face when he found out you got hurt even if it was a scratch.

Who knew behind the closed doors when he dismissed his subordinates, telling you to stay as he had some work for you,that lie he said only to lock the door to bring you in his arms, playing with your hair. He'd sit you on his lap as he worked on his papers putting his chin on your shoulders. And oh how he loved it when it was you you hugged him and embraced him while he did work.

How when he brought you to missions with him almost always he'd watch how you fought and he'd have to tear his eyes off of you, if it was up to him he could stare at that fierce expression you made while fighting showing your enemies no mercy, all day. That same expression that softened as he cupped your cheek when no one was there, how your eyes lit up when he would kiss you on the cheek whispering how well you did.

How training sessions with him were always less harsh, though you always told him to not hold back, he still couldn't bear the thought of hitting you accidentally, or even lifting his hand on you so he would assign you training with someone else instead to save himself the pain and guilt. The way he'd give in to the temptations to show off in front of you when you were watching him use his ability or fight. Hed whisper something like "my s/o is watching so closely I can't leave her hanging" As he obliterated his opponent. Knowing the effect he had on you.

His other subordinates would sometime question you, about his behavior if you had noticed any change but you just brushed it off denying it, as chuuya listened intently from behind as he walked pass. Sure they wouldn't realize him giving you half the paper work they got right? Sure they wouldn't realize how he brought you to a lot of missions with him? Oh and he doubts they'll notice how he keeps you by his side all the time. Their pea brains can't comprehend that crap according to chuuya.

And the end of the day he'd drop you back to your apartment convincing you to come with him instead, which in most scenarios you would comply. His subordinates would be panting with exhaustion by the end of the day from all the word he had them do while you happily sipped on your drink which he had brought for you, but they didn't need to know that. Sometimes you'd feel bad with the favouritism and ask him to not show it to you that much.

All his response would be, a kiss on the head as he ran his fingers through your hair and told you not to worry about that, and that you deserve the world and he'd gladly give it to you, he doesn't need to put others on that same pedestal with you as he smirks. At the end of the day it can be concluded he had a favourite and that was you, but you would be lying if you said you didn't relish that.

[hyunjinspark]

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 15

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him.

there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned.

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au (kind of), star-crossed lovers

warnings: cursing, mature content, fancy drinking, mutual pining, sexual tension, so much angst, kissing, making out, dirty talk, fingering, grinding, dry humping, dom!hyunjin, jealousy, more angst

word count: 35K (ik the wc makes it feel v long but it’s really not that much haha)

a/n: im so excited to be coming back with this huge of a chapter for you guys. so much goes down and im insanely excited to share this next phase of my story with you. its v long so pls get comfortable with a blanket and snacks. I would recommend rereading the last chapter, if you can! thank you for still being here.

i recommend that you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

He had fucked up. Even in the dimly lit drive-in theatre, the guilt on his face was evident. Hyunjin had never looked this devastated.

“I need to talk to you” 

That’s what he had said. The gnawing feeling in your gut got worse. Those words together, in that order, was never a good sign. You knew as much, and you knew whatever he had to tell you was going to be something bad.

“Why did you leave in the middle of the film?” You asked, gaze darting between him and your friends.

Yuqi was staring wide-eyed, watching this unfold, soda cup clutched in her hands, and Felix…he looked beyond irritated.

The movie could still be heard all the way over here. You weren’t too far from the projection screen, and the speakers were right next to you. It was a horrible place to be having this conversation, but you couldn’t wait. 

What was he holding back?

You’d always felt the safest around Hyunjin, but every breath between you right now was uncertain. He was fidgeting, sliding the silver ring off and on his finger.

“I was on my way back to you when—” Hyunjin paused, and the veins in his neck were prominent as he strained to be heard over the movie, “—when Felix found me. He wanted to talk”

“Is Jisung okay?” You blurted, the first thing that came to your mind. He was nervous as hell, and that freaked you out.

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “No, he’s okay”

“Look. Y/N—“ Felix started, stepping ahead.

“Can I please just talk to Y/N…alone?” Hyunjin interrupted, turning to your friends. His frustration was new to you.

“Of course. Now you wanna talk to her” Felix scoffed, and your gaze drifted to him. You felt so out of the loop and everything was far too dramatic.

A laugh escaped you at the absurdity of this situation, “What is going on? You guys are acting like the world’s fucking ending or something”

“I’m sure it’s not that serious” Yuqi piped in, as a way to comfort you, and Felix glanced at her in disdain.

Hyunjin seemed to be physically struggling between appeasing you and Felix, but he focused his gaze on you.

“It’s not” He reaffirmed, pausing to breathe, “Obviously. It’s not… that serious”

“You sure?” Felix mumbled, taunting the situation, and you’d never known Felix to be the one to poke a bear with a stick. 

His presence only added to your confusion and annoyance. 

What was he doing here? 

Hadn’t he just told you he couldn’t be friends with you anymore? Or whatever the hell he was going to say before you were interrupted?

You glanced at him, and the anger from your previous unresolved conversation surged back, “Lix. Can you just give us a moment alone, please?”

His eyes locked with yours in silent agreement, “Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want, Y/N”

“Yeonjun’s gonna be worried as hell about us” Yuqi spoke in a harsh whisper, grabbing him lightly by the forearm to lead him away, and even though you were embarrassed to have an audience, you were glad she was here.

You’d dragged everyone to the drive-in theatre tonight for the Jaws screening because it had seemed, at the moment, like a good idea. It was supposed to be one of the things on your bucket list. The list Hyunjin and you had made together.

A list of things to make you fall in love with your little town again, and you were only doing all of this because Hyunjin insisted. A silly excuse to be by his side, but it had worked. You’d seen the film they were playing tonight a dozen times, so yeah, you were only doing this so you could spend more time with him. 

Right now though, it didn’t seem like the greatest idea, and more like the culmination of a really bad plan. 

A confrontation you didn’t want. 

Knowing Hyunjin, he hated confrontations too. 

So, there must be a really fucking good reason why he was arguing with your best friend just now.

Felix mumbled something as they walked away, too quiet for you to catch amongst the sounds of the film. 

A cold breeze picked up.

The blinking yellow sign above you was malfunctioning, a buzzing sound escaping it, distracting you momentarily until Hyunjin’s face came into focus again.

He was so apprehensive, a concerned frown on his face. Guilty was not a good look on him.

You swallowed your anxieties, raising your voice louder, “Can you just please tell me what’s going on? You’re kind of freaking me out here”

“Nothing is going on like that, I promise. It’s just…Yongbok found something out and freaked out about it. He was upset at me but—”

“What did he find out?” You were impatient.

Hyunjin squeezed his eyes shut, and sighed, “He saw me earlier…at the station”

It took you a second to put two and two together.

“The train station…? What were you doing there?”

His eyes darted around the driveway, realising that this was probably the worst place to be having any kind of conversation. The noise of the horror film had drowned the two of you out.

“Can we go somewhere else? Where it’s quieter, please?” 

You didn’t think you had the patience. Your stomach turned every second that he didn’t tell you what was wrong. 

“Please?” He asked again, “I’ll tell you everything. I just want to get away from here”

What was so complex that he couldn’t just say it now?

It felt like a break-up except you and him weren’t even fucking dating.

Your gaze flickered over his face, frown lines on his forehead that didn’t suit him, and it was only now that you noticed the bags under his eyes. He hadn’t slept last night. He was too young to be so worried.

“Yeah, of course”

There was relief on his face at your agreement, shoulders relaxing, and he looked around.

The theater was in the middle of fucking nowhere.

Where would you even go?

Worry returned to his face, and you sighed, “There’s a loading dock, like a few minutes from here. It’ll be quieter there”

He nodded, following closely behind you as you led the way. 

You focused on the sound of your footsteps in the dirt to not completely freak out.

“Is everything with Chan fine?” You ended up asking.

“Yeah, he’s fine too” He fell quiet again, “I’m sorry you’re missing the movie because of me”

The noises got muffled as you moved further away.

“I really don’t care” You told him, “I’ve seen it before”

“Oh, okay”

You stopped at a chain-link fence, leading to a loading dock for various trucks and vans. It was dead right now, but it'd be brimming with life in the early hours of the day. 

“This is quiet enough”

This was also as far as your patience could go.

Hyunjin nodded, leaning his weight against the fence, running a hand through his hair, “I guess”

Another round of screams from the audience echoed through the area, and you shrugged, “Guess not”

He didn’t seem amused though, “They’re so loud”

“It is the best part of the movie” You told him, “They finally defeat the shark”

Hyunjin nodded, as if he’d forgotten what the movie Jaws was even about, “Right”

He looked like a wounded animal, afraid you’d get mad at him, but you didn’t even understand what you should be mad about. 

His hand peeked out from under his button-up sleeve. You reached forward, not thinking before slipping your fingers between his.

The gesture surprised him, and he glanced up at you with big eyes. He squeezed your hand, finding comfort in it.

“I was buying a ticket back”

You frowned, asking a question you already knew the answer to, “Back to?”

His breaths were shallow, in uneven intervals and his shoulders rose and fell with each anxious inhale and exhale. 

“Seoul” He clarified, biting his bottom lip. 

“Oh. Isn’t…it too early?” 

His gaze fell, eyes avoiding yours, “I was trying to tell you earlier, but I didn’t get the chance”

“Tell me now” You tilt his head up, fingers under his chin so he could look right at you.

He took in another deep breath, eyes staring into yours, “I…have to leave, Y/N. I have to move back to the city”

The words didn’t shock you.

That’s it?

You knew he had to leave. 

A weight lift off your chest at the familiarity of his confession, and you could breathe again, “Yeah. I…know that, Hyunjin”

His eyes widened, “You do?”

Your fingers settled on his jaw, to calm him, “I mean, I know that you can’t stay here forever. You were only here for the summer anyway”

Relief swirled his eyes at your calmness, “Um…yeah”

It felt anticlimactic. This was why he was so nervous, why Felix was so mad, why they were fighting?

You two stood so close, hand-in-hand, and this didn’t even seem like a big deal. Hyunjin wasn’t going to be holed up in this small town forever. Everybody knew it would always be temporary, so what was the drama for?

A breeze blew Hyunjin’s hair in his face, and you tucked the chestnut strands behind his ear, “Would you have to start packing soon?”

With that question, Hyunjin’s eyebrows furrowed again, “I already packed, Y/N”

“Already?” You laughed, there was a whole month left but he was already preparing, “You should’ve told me…I could’ve helped you.”

He frowned, and suddenly your name on his lips felt bitter, “Y/N…” 

Like it took effort to say, and like it broke his heart.

It felt like an apology, but you didn’t know what for.

You squeezed his hand, to let him know he had nothing to be sorry for, “Tell me…”

“No, you don’t understand. I’m — I’m not staying for the rest of the summer anymore”

Your heart squeezed, and suddenly you realised why he was so anxious. 

You needed confirmation, “You’re not?”

“I need to leave” He let out a breath, “Tonight.”

The words hit you like a punch to your gut.

Hyunjin explained further, to make sure you understood, but your head was already spinning, “My train leaves for Seoul… in a few hours” 

Your grip on his hand dropped, and you stopped touching him.

He stared at you for what felt like forever, eyes flickering between yours, “I’m sorry”

He’s sorry?

You had trouble speaking the words, “What? Tonight?”

His eyes were wide at your reaction, and at your tone. He thought you didn’t believe him.

And you didn’t.

Tonight was so soon, and in a few hours was fucking insane.

As you processed his words, the silence stretched for seconds, excruciatingly long.

He felt a stupid need to fill in the void, “My manager’s coming to pick me up. He doesn’t want me to make the journey back alone. He’s worried about a crowd at the station, in case the information leaked—”

Hyunjin kept talking, and explaining, but you’d stopped listening.

What the fuck was he even saying?

All of these technicalities.

You couldn’t even still process what he’d told you.

Yeah, you knew he had to leave but you didn’t think it’d be tonight. 

You didn’t think it’d be right now.

You weren’t prepared.

Each word he spoke was a lightning bolt to your heart, ripping chasms open in the perfect day you’d just had. 

It couldn’t be. You had so much planned with him. You hadn’t even gotten to the good part yet.

The sky lit up in bright white, blinding you.

You hadn’t even told him that you loved him...

The wind picked up, dust blowing into your eyes but you didn’t care. The lightning wasn’t just within you. There was a storm coming.

Hyunjin glanced up at the sky; dark clouds suddenly looming over you, but that was the least of your worries. 

“We should get inside” He realised, reaching for your hand, but you stepped away from him, pulling your hand out of reach.

His eyes were wide at the rejection.

“I’m sorry. You said that you’re leaving in a few hours?” You asked again, hoping this was just a horrible fucking joke, and you heard him wrong.

But he fucking nodded, not saying anything. 

Your stomach was beginning to hurt, a shooting pain through your body, and you felt dizzy.

Bile rose up to your throat at the suddenness of everything, “I don’t understand. You said you didn’t have to go back, not until the end of summer and—”

“I know” He interrupted, “I know that’s what I said, but things changed. The company needs me back, I don’t have much of a choice”

“But what about Kkami…and about the art classes?” Stupid questions, when all you wanted to ask was something else. 

“I canceled the classes yesterday, and Minho said he’ll look after Kkami until my aunt comes back to town”

Of course.

“Oh”

Of course he’d figured everything out. A man as precise as Hyunjin, of course he’d already solved for all the problems you couldn’t even foresee.

But what about you?

Your gaze fell from his, heart falling deep into your gut and maybe that explained the pain in you. You didn’t even know what to say. It was so much information, to process all at once, and pathetically, you mumbled, “I thought I’d have more time with you”

“I know, Y/N. I...thought so too” His voice was too soft, too calm, “But I’m sorry that we don’t”

Was he not affected by this? Why was he so calm?

In a few hours, he would be more than a hundred miles away from you.

That wasn’t okay.

But he seemed perfectly fine right now.

How long had he known this?

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before” He swallowed, and stepped closer. His hands glided up your arms, coming to rest at your shoulders. He squeezed the skin there, and maybe he thought it was comforting, but it just felt suffocating.

Your chest was pounding so hard you could hear your heartbeat in your ears.

You were still confused, so many questions in your head, “But that doesn’t explain why Felix was fighting with you”

Hyunjin sighed, “He…he thought that I wasn’t going to tell you”

There it was.

Your eyes narrowed, darting up to his, a new fear sinking into you, something you hadn’t even considered, “Wait. Were you not?”

His eyes widened, but his voice gave him away, “No. I was going to—”

You took another step back, and he dropped his hands from you.

“You weren’t even going to say goodbye, Hyunjin?”

He hesitated before speaking, “I was”

“When?”

“What?”

“When were you going to tell me? If you’ve already bought a ticket. You’ve already cancelled the classes. You’ve…packed everything. You’ve already given Kkami away. So, when…were you going to tell me?”

He squeezed his eyes shut.

And it was enough.

“You’re fucking kidding me”

“Let me explain, please--”

Another flash lit up the sky.

Thunder ripped through the atmosphere, and the sound startled you both, making you look up.

It wasn’t raining, not yet, but it would soon.

Immediately, you heard scrambling over at the drive-in theatre. All of the people would be exposed to the rain, and now they’d have to pack it up, and leave.

How fitting for a storm to pass through right fucking now.

You looked back at him, because this wasn’t like him.

The Hyunjin you’d come to know…would never blindside you like this.

You stepped further away, your sneakers tripping over the dirt and Hyunjin reached out to steady you, but you ripped your arm back, “You were just going to leave”

“I tried telling you yesterday, in the forest! You were the first person I was going to tell” Hyunjin exclaimed, eyes wide in what you could only recognise as despair.

In the forest, when you’d taken him to see the fireflies. Hyunjin had said he wanted to tell you something. He was trying to tell you this?

Sourness developed in your mouth, “What? Yesterday?”

“But you stopped me. You kissed me, and you said you didn’t want to know”

Your sadness was suddenly replaced by embarrassment, and bitterness.

“So…it’s my fault?”

“What? Of course not. That’s not what I’m saying”

Your emotions were toppling over, and you couldn’t manoeuvre them anymore.

You felt a surge of hopelessness, because he didn’t understand how important this was to you.

How important he was.

“If it was so important, you should have told me anyway! I obviously would have understood, and stopped kissing you. I’m not that dense, or …needy”

Hyunjin’s eyes were wide, like he couldn’t believe you.

“I know that you’re not. Of course, you’re not” He repeated, stepping towards you, “I knew how upset it would make you, and I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t want to ruin the time we had left”

There was no justifiable reason for you to be this sad. He was only going to be a few hours away from here, but you’d dreaded the day he’d leave ever since you met him.

His life in the city was a whirlwind, and he didn’t have time for anything.

How would you ever stay in his life, or keep him in yours?

Your voice was shaky, “I’m not upset at you, Hyunjin”

“Really? Because it looks like you hate me right now” He laughed.

You sighed, looking him in the eye, “Of course not”

“I just don’t understand why I’m the last to know. You said that your manager is coming to pick you up…and you’re worried the information would leak. So does everybody know you’re coming back or something?”

He nodded slightly, as if his answer would hurt you, “The media knows. There’s going to be a crowd at the station, in the city when I get back”

So if you waited a few more hours…the morning papers would have told you anyway.

The thought almost made you want to laugh, or cry.

“We were having such a good time, at the Creek, and…I didn’t want to kill the mood, obviously I was right, because you’re so upset right now”

“Right. I’m sorry for being upset that you’re leaving Hyunjin”

He pulled you towards him, “Stop, please. This is…not how I wanted tonight to go”

“Then how did you want it to go?”

“I wanted to…stay up with you, and talk to you, and listen to you...until I can”

It sounded tempting. You’d do anything to have that.

But he was leaving tonight.

“Do you know when you’ll come back?”

“What?”

“To Daejon. Do you know when you’ll come back?”

He hesitated, “I don’t know. A couple of years, maybe then…”

“So after tonight…you have no idea when we’ll see each other again?”

“Yeah, but…you can visit me in Seoul, right?” He asked, a hopeful lilt to his tone.

Your head was still spinning, “Were you going to stay in touch with me?”

“Yeah. I was going to give you my new number—”

“Your new number?” You were confused.

“I have to change it…every few months. For safety”

Another lightning flash lit up his face, and then the first drops of rain followed. They wet your hair, dripping down your face, masquerading as tears.

“Yeonjun would be wondering where I am”

“What?” Hyunjin asked, but you needed to fixate on something else or you’d go insane.

“I have to tell him” You mumbled, more to yourself, reaching for your phone in your back pocket, but you’d left it back in the truck. A frustrated groan escaped you.

“I can tell him” Hyunjin spoke, immediately, pulling his phone out to text him. You watched as he did so. The bright phone lit up his face, as he typed in a text, but from here, you could see his fingers trembling.

The vendors were rushing to close all the food shops before the rain came in. The sound of people scrambling with their blankets and snacks to get inside. Car doors being shut, and engines being started.

“Please just let me explain, so you can understand what’s going on in my head”

You needed to calm down. This was always going to happen, and you shouldn’t be surprised. You shouldn’t be heartbroken and so fucking weak. 

You nodded, “Go ahead”

He grabbed your hand in urgency but you didn’t stop him, “I knew how upset it would make you, and I’m so fucking sorry. I knew the moment that I told you, it would be real, and is it crazy if I wanted the summer to last longer? I was being selfish and I wasn’t thinking”

You took a deep breath, his words calming you down by the second, “It’s not selfish. I..I’m sorry. I just thought you were hiding it from me, and…I got upset. How long have you known?”

“Barely two days” He admitted, and then, “That’s kind of why I was rushing through your list”

A laugh escaped you, at the lost innocence of that sentence, “What? My list is not… important, Hyunjin”

He frowned, “It was to me…”

The cold water draped over your forehead, dripping down your eyes, tracing your nose, falling into your mouth. You should be sane, and walk out of this storm before you both fell sick. Hyunjin was just watching you, and you think his heart was broken too. For a reason different to yours.

“A few hours…” You realised, and you were already losing time.

He squeezed your hand, “If you would let me, I’d like to spend them with you”

The rain intensified, transforming into a downpour, drowning out the last of his sentence. Everybody must have left the drive-in theater by now and that meant it was just you and him in the middle of this summer storm.

You felt like a broken record, “I wish I knew”

“Why?” He bent down to your height, voice softening, “It…wouldn’t have changed anything”

You took in a deep breath. He was right.

It wouldn’t have changed anything.

His eyes were exploring yours, apologetic, and you could understand what went on in his head. If you could spare Hyunjin the pain of something sad, you would have done the same.

He was getting drenched in the storm, and you’d feel guilty if he fell sick because of you, “Are you okay?” He asked you.

You suddenly felt numb. 

Why shouldn’t you be okay?

“I’ll only be a few hours away from you” He reassured you, and then chuckled softly, “It’s not like I’m moving to another country”

A loud honk pulled you out of the conversation.

Yuqi’s truck was to the side, parked on the dirt road, and Yeonjun was poking his head out of the window, “What the hell are you two still doing out there?”

You looked back at Hyunjin, swallowing, “We should go”

“Come on” He spoke, guiding you towards the car with his hand on your back. You rushed inside, arms around yourself to be warm. He went around the back, getting in through the other side, and he was completely soaked, hair dripping, “Sorry for getting your seats wet, Yuqi”

She told him it was fine, and Yeonjun turned round to ask, “Am I taking you straight home then, Y/N?”

Yuqi gave you a sympathetic look in the rearview mirror. Felix must have told her what the argument had been about.

You glanced at Hyunjin. He thought you were angry at him. Well, you were a bit. But never enough to ignore him like this. This was his last night here. Everything felt so sudden, and rushed, and you weren’t sure you’d even understood it, but you had be mature about this.

“No, I’m…not going home” You told Yeonjun.

Hyunjin raised his eyebrows, as if to ask if you were sure.

He was crazy if he thought you’d let him go without even saying goodbye.

“Can I come to your place?”

He nodded, in a single breath answering, “Of course”

Every second spent arguing over this was one less second with him. Yeonjun drove away from the loading dock, and time was slipping away and you glanced at Hyunjin. He was looking out at the town as it passed by, and he looked so fucking lost…or nostalgic.

Daejon passed by in a blur, as you drove to his house.

It would be selfish of you to think you were the only one affected by this. He was the one who would have to go back the life he’d left behind.

You drove past Aera’s, and Hyunjin’s gaze lingered on it, long after you’d already passed it. The car ride was quiet, other than the music Yuqi was playing, but you’d tuned it out.

Hyunjin’s eyebrows were furrowed as he watched the blur of trees and homes and places you’d come to spend all of your time in this summer. It was like he was trying to take everything in but Yeonjun drove faster than his memories could catch up.

His hand was on his thigh, fingers trembling still, and you don’t know if it was from the cold or if he was scared. 

Your heart squeezed in your chest. 

You reached over without thinking, hand settling over his, and immediately, he was calm.

»»————-

Hyunjin’s room was ripped bare. 

The art had been taken off the walls, the paint canisters had been stashed out of sight, the mattress was naked of the blue sheets and comforter you’d grown to love.

Cardboard boxes lay under his window, taped up and sealed shut.

His art wasn’t decorating the room anymore, instead it lay packed under layers of bubble wrap and paper.

It was strange, because you’d only been here a few times, enough to count on one hand, but it felt like a loss. Empty rooms always made you sad. It signified the end of something.

Yeonjun’s room had stayed empty, and even when he visited home, he’d live out of his suitcase. After all, nobody took the time to hang back picture frames on the walls. 

Your gut tinged with sadness.

Hyunjin stood at the other side of the room, arms crossed, emanating a calm silence.

Your eyes met his, a strange resignation within them. You hugged yourself, arms coming round your body in a comforting embrace. 

The room was far too barren for your liking, but compared to outside, at least it was warm here.

With difficulty you found the words, “How does it feel? To see your room like this?”

He cleared his throat, and his hair was still wet, chestnut strands sticking to his skin, “Honestly?”

“Yeah”

“I don’t feel anything”

Maybe that was the saddest answer you could hear. 

Your indignant look made him clarify further.

His Adam’s apple bobbed before he spoke, “I…I know that’s weird. I thought I’d be sad, but I don’t really feel anything”  

“I get that” You nodded, leaning against the wall, movements mirroring his. 

“You do?” He tilt his head, fiddling with the pendant around his neck.

You did get him, but you can’t seem to elaborate.

After all, you’ve never had to deal with anything of this nature. 

You’ve lived in the same place your whole life. The same room. The same bed. The same view from your window every morning and night.

How could you know what goodbyes felt like?

“I thought I’d be sadder” He continues upon your silence, “I just don’t feel much of anything, and that makes me…feel sad. Shouldn’t I be just a little upset?”

“Maybe you haven’t processed it yet?” You offered.

He shook his head, frown lines on his forehead, “It’s not that”

You couldn’t comprehend what he felt, and all you could do was guess, “Maybe it’s too soon” 

His eyebrows shot up, as if he realised something utterly significant about himself. Yet he didn’t share it with you. He slipped his hands deeper into his pockets, adjusting his posture against the wall.

A black suitcase stood between you, and you wonder what he’d put in it. What was he taking with him? It was strange to imagine that his entire summer here had fit into just those four cardboard boxes. There must have been things he discarded, or gave away.

What did he leave behind?

“So…how will you take all this stuff back?” You asked, gesturing over to the boxes.

“I’m not. I’m just taking my luggage with me” He explained, “I just packed everything else so it’d be easier for my aunt to take care of the house when I’m gone”

When he’s gone.

“That’s thoughtful of you” You smiled, gazing at the other boxes pushed under his bed, “What about your art supplies? Are you taking them too?”

He shook his head, chuckling nervously, “No, I had no space in my bag”

Your eyebrows shot up, “How are you going to paint when you’re in the city then?”

“I doubt I’ll have time at first” He admit.

Your heart clenched. Another loss.

“But…when I do, I’ll just get new supplies” He continued, so simply.

Your eyes narrowed, “Hwang Hyunjin… do you have any idea how expensive art supplies are?”

A hint of a smile appeared on his face, “I know, but I have no choice. There’s an art shop in Hongdae. I’ve passed it a hundred times. I think I’ll finally visit it”

“You’re going to forget all about Aera’s then” You frowned.

He hummed, smiling at you, “I could never”

You smiled, and a comfortable silence fell upon you.

He moved across his room to sit against the desk, “I am kind of sad about putting away all my art though. They’re just going to collect dust forever”

“Maybe you can put them back up when you come back” You suggested.

He nodded, “Right. When I’m back.”

He traced a hand against his empty desk. Just a few days ago, it was full of clutter, flower vases, and pretty candles, and pencils of different sizes. The first night he’d come to Aera’s he’d bought a little canvas and a single pencil from you.

That was so long ago, and you smiled to yourself at the memory.

“You’re really not going to miss home, and your room?” 

“I have something of yours” He interrupted, ignoring your questions entirely.

“Oh…okay” Is all you can seem to muster.

He pulled open the drawers, and you move towards him. He’d cleared out everything from within them too. Including all his paint supplies, his knick-knacks, the hair ties… and that box of condoms you saw once…

Was he leaving that behind?

Or had he packed that too?

Maybe it’d be useful to him in the city.

The thought made you choke up, and you turned away, giving him space to look for whatever he was looking for. 

He finally pulled open the last drawer, and spoke, “I found it when cleaning, and uh, I don’t know how but I forgot to return it,”

You stepped forward to take a glimpse, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with him.

“My sketchbook!” You realised, recognising the torn-up leather cover. 

Pulling it out, you flipped it open, seeing the sketches you made on countless train journeys, “Honestly…I didn’t even know you have this”

Hyunjin laughed, and your gaze darted to his.

It was the first he’d laughed like this since he’d told you he was leaving.

“I promise I didn’t steal it or anything” He admitted, “You never took it back after Felix’s birthday”

“That was ages ago. I guess I have far too many sketchbooks to keep count” You hummed, flipping further through the book, seeing the drawings Hyunjin had filled it with on the journey, when you’d given it to him. You felt him move closer to you, body stopping right behind yours.

You traced your fingers against the ink, trying not to get distracted by his breathing on your neck, “The beach cabin. You drew it”

Hyunjin nodded, looking over your shoulder at the picture, “I did. That was…a good night”

You craned your neck to look at him, a laugh escaping, “Really? I felt kind of bad for dragging you along for that whole trip. Ended up being pretty shitty”

He smiled, eyes flickering over you, “Not all of it”

You flipped to another page, but Hyunjin’s hand reached out to stop you. You looked at him questioningly.

“Uh…you can go through that later. We don’t have much time”

You nodded, keeping it aside. He walked over, sitting on the mattress, and stared out through the window. It was still raining fiercely, a thunderstorm raging outside.

 “If it wasn’t raining, we could have gone stargazing” He realised.

The disappointed in his tone pulled at your heartstrings, “Maybe it’ll pass soon”

He shook his head, “No, I checked — It’s going to be cloudy till noon tomorrow. I’ll already be gone by then”

“Oh”

It was hard to put his words into comprehension. 

He was really going to be gone. 

You’d gotten so used to seeing him all the time, everywhere. He would show up at your job, and he would go around town with you, and a part of you felt like he’d always be here to do that.

After a while, he sighed, “I guess I was looking forward to doing something cool with you…before I have to leave”

You stared at the rain, the droplets trailing down his windowsill, racing to the bottom, “This could be nice too. It hasn’t rained like this in months”

He nodded in silent agreement, and you watched the downpour, quietly, stealing glances at him. There was a sense of awkwardness and emptiness in the air. 

He wasn’t being honest with you about everything, but you didn’t want to push. It felt like he was holding back yet again, and you wish he’d just tell you everything on his mind.

Flashes of lightning lit up his face every few minutes, and he looked out at the dark garden like it held all the answers to life, and the universe. 

“Hyunjin…” You spoke.

He glanced at you, and his eyes looked sad. 

You were counting down the fleeting moments left with him. Was he too?

It broke your heart. Why was he so quiet when you only had a few hours together?

You couldn’t push him, but each second mattered.

So you walked over to him, kneeling on the floor so you could look at him, “What’s wrong?”

His eyes darted between yours, lips parted, as he thought over your question.

“I don’t know” His voice quivered.

You placed a hand on his leg, to ground him, “You wanted me to come over”

He swallowed, “I did”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to be alone right now”

“You’re not” You assured him, patting lightly on his knee, “What are you thinking about?”

“Shouldn’t I feel sad?” He asked, “Something has to be wrong with me”

“What do you mean?” You frowned.

“You asked me earlier if I will miss Daejon, but I only feel numb. I cried when I left Seoul, but why do I feel nothing leaving here?”

His words were heavy, and you don’t know if you were qualified to answer him, because you were too emotionally invested in this, and in him.

“Maybe you haven’t processed it yet”

He looked back at the garden, fence, and skies, “Yeah, I can’t believe I’m going to be back in the city tomorrow. It feels like a world apart, and I can’t really grasp leaving this”

“I mean, it is a world apart, Hyunjin”

He looked at you, “I feel like I never got the chance to settle here. It’s been so temporary. I always knew I was only here for a little while, and I can’t get myself to feel sad”

“It’s not like… an obligation, Hyun. I can’t imagine how it feels like to live two places. If you don’t feel a certain way, you can’t force it”

He nodded, quietly staring ahead at his garden.

He was stuck between two places, and two lives. He’d always told you about that. 

Even though he wasn’t sad, he didn’t seem happy either, so you said, “What are you looking forward to the most when you get back?”

“Meeting the guys” He responded, in a heartbeat, and then smiled at his own eagerness, “I’m also excited to just be able to do my job again”

“Yeah?” You asked, taking a seat next to him so you could be level with him, “Do you already have your schedule for the next few weeks?”

He nodded, “Mmh. It’s kind of crazy, but it’ll be nice to be that busy again”

You shifted closer to him, as did he, with the pouring rain in backdrop. It was isolating, but comforting, “What else?”

“Hmm?”

“What else are you excited about?”

Hyunjin’s lips pulled up into a smile, “To step into the dance studio. Man, I’ve missed that more than anything”

You smiled, “Yeah?”

“When I was a trainee, I basically slept there.” He hummed, and despite the obvious hardships he hinted at, his memory came from a place of fondness and comfort.

His eyes crinkled as he remembered something else, “It’s funny. It happened so often. Our manager installed a small bench there, so I could pass out on it, instead of killing my back on the hardwood floor”

“Wow. That’s so nice of him” You smiled, watching his eyes lit up talking about his home.

“I also can’t wait to get back to the recording studio. Chan told me details about the next album. Apparently, he, uh, wants me to have a couple of my own songs on it”

Your eyes widened, “Wait, what do you mean?”

As far as you knew, all of their songs were written by his team members.

“Um” He laughed nervously, crossing his legs, “Like songs I write just by myself, and produce”

“I didn’t know you write songs” You admitted, feeling stupid. Sadness settled in your stomach, as you realised there was so much you still didn’t know much about Hyunjin. 

There was so much you wanted to know, to discover about him. 

Hyunjin laughed, “I try to, I haven’t released my own yet. The guys usually take care of that, so this will be a first…I don’t even know what I’ll write about”

“But…have you written songs before?”

He nodded, “I used to write a lot on tour, but I never really felt confident enough to release them”

Curiosity flooded you, “What kind of things do you write about?”

He laughed, “You’ll be disappointed, it’s kind of cheesy…and mainstream”

“I don’t care”

He smiled, “You’ll be the first to hear if I finish”

“Are you excited to see Chan?”

He laughed, “Insanely. Jisung and Binnie too. I can’t believe I went so long without them. Hopefully they haven’t burnt the dorm down”

He grimaced at the thought, and then laughed, “And Jisung…man, I think I’ll squeeze the life out of him when I see him, and not let go. He’s been through far too much in my absence”

“They must be missing you a lot” You spoke, watching his fond smile. 

You would miss so many moments in his life. 

Crucial moments that would redefine him as a person.

You would miss the excitement in his eyes when he reunited with the boys again. You’d miss the work he would put into the self-composed songs, and the satisfaction of his smile when he finished.

So many little and bigger moments of happiness, the kind of things that make a person. 

The next time you saw him, he’d probably be so different from who he was now. 

You would both have changed as people, grown apart from each other.

But he was smiling at everything he had to look forward to, and that’s all you wanted in the moment. For him to feel happy.

“We still have a few hours left. It’s your last night. Is there anything in particular you wanted to do?”

Hyunjin tilt his head, “I didn’t really plan for anything… I was just hoping you’d spend it with me”

He already seemed so much more relaxed, and you were glad. 

“Do you need help cleaning anything or packing up?”

He shook his head, “I think everything’s done but…we could have drinks together, if you want?”

His last night in town should be memorable.

“That sounds perfect” You smiled, getting off the bed, as you followed Hyunjin back to the kitchen. 

He had changed from his storm-drenched clothes into simple sweatpants, and they fit him well, sitting comfortably on his hips. The hoodie was also simple, and it looked soft enough to touch, like it was made from the finest wool in the country.

“What do you usually like to have, Y/N?” Hyunjin reached up to the cabinets at the very top, his height allowing him to do so with ease, “I know that you liked the rosé when we went to the paint event, and I know that you absolutely hate beer”

You laughed at the memory, jumping up to sit comfortably on the kitchen counter. Hyunjin glanced at you briefly, smiling to himself at the position, and how you’d made yourself at home.

You thought about it, but you weren’t a big cocktail drinker, so you hummed, “I’ll have anything you’ll have”

“You’re easily influenced” He laughed, “What if you hate my taste?”

You smiled at him, swinging your legs gently against the counter, “I trust you”

He made a face, “Now I have to live up to your unrealistically high expectations of me. Isn’t that too much pressure for my last night?”

You threw your hands up in defense, “You’re the one who suggested we have drinks, Hyun”

He smiled, peering at the alcohol he had in his cabinet. There wasn’t too much, since he rarely lived here, and you don’t suppose his aunt was a big drinker.

“Have you ever tried a Dolce Vita?” He asked you, the drink's name slipping from his lips so smoothly, and you guessed it was Italian from his pronunciation, but Hyunjin made it sound so expensive.

“Can’t say that I have” 

He stepped towards you, body touching your legs, but still not close enough, “I think it’s your kind of a drink”

“What makes you say that?” You tilt your head.

He thought over his words, mulling them in his head, “It’s…classy. It’s elegant, and it’s…romantic”

You stilled, watching him describe it.

 “It’s pink, and…it has dark chocolate on top” He continued, and then smiled to himself, “It fits you really well”

You smiled, heat flushing to your chest, and cheeks, “What’s the catch?”

“I don’t have all the ingredients” He spoke, a soft pout on his lips, “But I can make you another drink, that you might like”

“When did you even learn all these recipes? I didn’t know you’re a connoisseur”

He laughed, stepping back towards the cabinet to check the ingredients, “I’m not, but Chan taught me a few. He and Kairi…make their own cocktails a lot”

“I hope I can meet them one day” You spoke.

Hyunjin glanced at you over his shoulder, “You’d love Kairi. She’s…so much like you”

You thought, still swaying your legs, “Does that mean Chan would love me too?”

He chuckled, and his shoulders shook from the action, “He kind of already does”

It was still pouring outside, and you looked at the droplets cascading down the kitchen window. It was kind of nice to be trapped in this house with him. It was a big place too, and it was empty, and just the two of you. It was like you were two kids playing house. 

Hyunjin was fiddling with different liqueurs, and you could hear the clinking of glasses, and spoons as he moved things around on the counter. You would help him if you could, but you had no experience in mixology and he had it handled. It was calming, to listen to the thunder, and just sit here.

“What are you making now, Hyun?” You asked, fiddling with the cuts in your jeans.

“It’s called the Queen of Hearts”

You laughed, “I have never heard of these names. Are they just for rich people…or something?”

He tsked, shaking his head “I’m not that rich, Y/N”

“Statistically speaking, you’re…like in one of the biggest bands in our country” 

He smiled softly at you again, “How do you know that? Did you read about me online?”

“Maybe I did” You flushed, “Sometimes you show up on my Instagram. Your fans are very loyal, you know?”

He laughed, turning around to look at you, and you could see he was shaking a liquid in a glass, “I sure hope you don’t believe everything you see about me though. There’s a lot of false news out there”

“So, what, you haven’t dated like every female pop star in the country?” You teased him, exaggerating.

He rolled his eyes, turning back to the counter, to put the glass down, “Did someone actually say that I did?”

“Of course not” You smiled, “That wouldn’t be a believable rumour”

“You’d be surprised what people believe” He laughed, and then paused to say, “I’ve only ever dated one”

Your eyebrows shot up, “A pop star?”

“Yeah”

You looked at him, and you were so curious suddenly, albeit a lot of it stemmed from envy. Whoever had the honor of dating Hyunjin…did they know how lucky they were?

Was in he love with her?

Was she?

You imagined it in your head — the dates he would go on, and the kind of romantic things he would say. He was already such a nice person to you, and you two were just friends. What would he be like…with the girl that he loves?

A pit of jealousy settled in your stomach, so deep, that it ached.

“So, um, I added less liquor to yours just so you can taste it. If you like it, I can give you some more” He spoke, turning to delicately hand you the wine glass. The drink was the color of champagne. 

You peered at the drink, “What’s in it?”

He tilt his head, thinking, “It’s a bit of gin, wine, and…some lemon juice. For the sweet flavour, I added a syrup to it. It’s dahlia…I think you’ll love that”

You stared at him as he explained it, “You’re kidding me”

You reached for the glass, but he immediately pulled it back before you could.

“Wait! I forgot something”

“What?” You laughed, “What else could possibly be missing? The tears of angels?”

He rolled his eyes, “Ha-ha”

You tried to grab it, “Just give it to me. I’m sure it’s fine”

He shook his head, pulling the drink away from your hold, “No, this is the last drink I’m making you. It has to be perfect”

“It’s also the first drink you’ve made me” You pointed out.

He laughed, holding up a finger, “Give me just one minute. I’ll be back”

He placed the glass back on the countertop, and slipped his shoes on.

“Wait, what?”

“I have to run to the garden for something” He told you over his shoulder.

“But there’s a storm out” You exclaimed, dumbly.

He pulled the hood up, looking back at you as he zipped it up fully, “I’ll be fine”

“Hyunjin, don’t go” You laughed, “I’m sure the drink is fine without it”

He shook his head, and he was already halfway out the door. As soon as he pushed open the wooden door, a gust of wind blew in, bringing with it tiny leaves and some rain. The thunder was so much louder now that the door was open, and Hyunjin ran out, shoes put on halfway, and it was so silly that he was doing all this for just a drink.

You waited with bated breath, but you couldn’t see out into the garden from here, so you had no idea what he was up to.

Minutes passed, and you waited in his kitchen, sat on the countertop.

“Holy shit. It’s fucking pouring!” He yelled, running back inside, and he was completely wet, from head to toe. He slipped off his shoes at the back entrance, walking to you barefoot.

“Oh my god” You mumbled, watching the water drip off him, “I told you it was a bad idea”

His fist was closed around something, and you wonder what he got from the garden.

He grabbed your wine glass, and dropped something in it, “You’ll change your mind after you try this”

He then smiled proudly, handing it to you.

Your eyes widened, as you peered into the glass. 

A pretty flower floated on top of the gin, its pink petals wet from the liquid, giving the entire drink an illusion of a pastel paint.

“A flower?” You asked, giggling in disbelief.

“It’s edible” He explained, smiling still, “It’s perfect for you”

“Did you get one for yourself too?”

“Mmh” He nodded, showing you his. The flower floated on the top beautifully, dissolving partially into the liquid. Your drinks looked beautiful together, ethereal and completely fitting to who Hyunjin was as a person.

“Aren’t you cold?” 

“I am” He admitted, and then looked just a tad regretful, “But I packed away all my spare clothes”

“Maybe you should’ve thought this all through” You giggled.

“To be fair, I wasn’t thinking” He shrugged, “It’s fine. It’ll dry out”

He reached behind his neck, peeling off his grey hoodie. The white t-shirt he wore inside rose up with the simple action, revealing his stomach in a glimpse. Like a teenage girl, your heart jumped at the little display of skin. He tossed the hoodie to the side, and stepped closer to you.

His hair looked darker when wet, almost a shade of black, sticking to his face and his cheeks. He puffed, pushing it back behind his ears. You noticed his pendant, stuck in the front of his shirt as he stepped closer to you.

You weren’t thinking as you reached forward, grabbing the thin silver chain around his neck and tugged it out, so it fell against his chest instead.

Hyunjin was frozen still at the action, darting down to see what you were doing and then looking back up at you.

Your hand was still on the chain, and every part of you wanted to pull him closer by it, so you could kiss him. Right now didn’t seem like a good time for that though. He was feeling all kinds of emotions and vulnerability …if he wanted to kiss you tonight, he would have.

The thought of letting Hyunjin go — without feeling his lips again — hurt you, but it was a reality you’d accept. You’d been all over the place with him recently, never having defined what it meant, or why you kept making out without talking about it.

Maybe it was just a summer fling for him, because he’d made it plenty clear you two could never be anything more.

You cleared your throat, dropping your hand, “Now, can we try the drink? I’m dying to taste it” 

He nodded a yes, and you held your glasses up, clinking them against each other. The sound echoed in the empty house. As you did that, he looked right into your eyes, and you felt a familiar shiver run down your spine. You lift the glass up to your lips, tasting the liquid, and Hyunjin watched you as you did so. His eyes on you made you feel a little shy, but that was soon overpowered by how good the drink tasted. 

It smelled, and tasted just like flowers and sweetness, and you let out a moan of satisfaction, “Fuck. That’s…revolutionary”

Hyunjin smiled, eyes crinkling, and only after that did he sip his drink. It tasted like a dark chocolate tart, and like flavourful berries grown on a farm.

“Have you ever considered…becoming a mixologist instead of an idol?” 

He laughed, stepping close to the counter so that he lingered at your footsteps. If you opened your legs up just a bit, he could stand between your thighs but you weren’t sure it was appropriate. So, you stayed the way you were, sitting on the countertop, and Hyunjin stood as close as possible, his lower stomach grazing against your knees.

“Maybe when I retire” He joked, swirling the drink around in his glass.

“No, but this is seriously so good” You told him, genuinely now, “Is there anything that you can’t do?”

“Stop” His face turned red, and he looked embarrassed, “It’s just a drink. I didn’t do anything else”

“Well, nobody’s ever made me a Queen of Hearts before” 

He glanced up at you, “They’re missing out on a great opportunity then”

“Mmh. I’m sure nobody’s dying to do that”

His smile fell, hand landing on your knee, “Don’t do that”

“Do what…?”

“Talk down about yourself”

You blinked. It really wasn’t your intention to do that. You were just being honest. Nobody you knew in your life, or in all of Daejon would ever make a drink like this for you. There wasn’t anything wrong with that, but it was just the truth.

So it was interesting that he interpreted it as such, as if your reply offended him.

“I wasn’t” You clarified, “I just meant…there’s not a lot of guys in Daejon with skill sets like yours”

The way you said it made you cringe, it came out sounding so professionally formal.

He looked up at you, sincere expression, “That’s…a compliment I’ve never got before”

You broke into a laugh, and absentmindedly put your hand over his, the one that rested on your knee. His hand dwarfed yours in comparison, but you drew circles over it as you talked, “Well, I have a gift and a burning desire for pleasing others or I’ll shrivel up and die”

Hyunjin laughed, squeezing your knee, and his hair was wet, but it was already beginning to dry up around his face.

“I like when you’re like that” He suddenly spoke, eyes focused on his drink, not you.

You took a sip of it too, watching him, “When I’m like what?”

“I don’t know” He looked up, “Confident. Funny. Yourself. Not…sad”

“You make it sound like I’m always depressed”

He shook his head, “You know what I mean”

“I don’t” 

He sighed, as if wondering whether to say it or not.

You drew a star on his hand, the one that rest on your knee, “Tell me. It’s our last night together anyway”

It seemed like that was the push he needed, and he placed his glass to the side, “The past few weeks you haven’t seemed the most…happy. I know that you were having a lot of trouble with your friends, and with the art program application” He trailed off, looking guilty again, “And because of me…”

You stayed quiet, letting him continue.

“I guess it was just not a great time for you. But tonight, when I’m talking to you…it feels like those problems don’t exist in the moment. I know I have to leave tomorrow, and I know you were upset about that, and you have every right to be, but right now…it feels like you’re less burdened somehow”

You didn’t know he noticed so many things about you, and so your heart warmed at just that implication. Hearing him recount what you’d been going through, you also felt a little emotional.

He looked up at you, looking a little panicked, “Or I could be completely wrong. You can correct me”

“No” You refuted, “You’re not wrong. I do feel…less burdened. I guess I just never thought of it like that. For me, it just felt like each day was getting progressively worse. I didn’t look at it from any other perspective”

“Yeah… but things will work out for you, Y/N” He said so simply, “I know that sounds preach-y, but… it may feel like everything in your life is going wrong somehow, but I assure you it’s not. Every bad day you’ve recently had…all of that won’t matter soon enough, and so you have to know that this sadness isn’t forever”

You blinked, staring at him. Absentmindedly, his hand slid further up your leg, drifting from your knee to your thigh. You let it.

He pushed his stray hair back with his other hand, tucking the strands behind his ear, “And I know how much this art program meant to you, I’ve had my share of failed dreams before, so I know how gut-wrenching it is, but this isn’t the end of your art journey. You know that right?”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Well, it can’t be. You have a gift, and…I know that it’s not going to waste”

You smiled, cheeks full from his words, “You have a gift too, you know?”

He locked eyes with you, and he was blushing too, and his fingers rest at your upper thigh now, “Yeah? What’s that?”

“You have...such a good heart, Hyunjin”

His eyes widened, hanging on to your every word.

“You’re the kindest person I know. It doesn’t sound like much, but…I’ve not met many people like you, genuinely good people. I respect that…a lot. You deal with so much bullshit in your life, but you still find a way to be happy”

His eyes lit up, a gorgeous smile appearing on his face, “Isn’t that the point of everything? The endgame”

You laughed, “It is. It what we’re all working towards. I just wish everyone else could be like you”

He smiled at your words, and you would miss this so much. The kind of ideas that you could talk about for hours. He looked beautiful like this. He looked like the most beautiful thing in the world when he was happy. He was shy too, biting his upper lip, and his cheeks were all red.

So you continued, to make that emotion last as long as you could, “I’m serious. You have such a kind heart, Hyunjin. You put your soul into everything you do, even if that’s just talking to someone at the grocery store or something. I think if someone met you, even for just a day in their life, you’d impact them forever”

His eyes crinkled with each sentence, bashful smile appearing, “Thank you”

You took another sip, and you watched him.

He was finishing his drink faster than you, and you just wanted him to be closer.

So, you lift your legs up, folding them on the counter, sitting cross-legged while facing him. His eyebrow shot up, for just a second, before he realised why you did that. He stepped closer, till his body was pressed to the counter, and his face was inches apart from you. 

He lift his glass up, indulging in the last drink, but his eyes stayed on you, and his hand was on your thigh again.

“Thank you for the drink and… for the pep talk. I really enjoyed that” You told him.

He placed his empty glass next to you, a sincere look in his eyes, “That’s what I’m here for”

You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling, and you felt like your cheekbones would hurt.

“Everybody deserves to have someone like you in their lives, Hyunjin”

He was smiling too, cheeks full, eyes twinkling, “You too, Y/N”

You went to sip your drink, but it was already empty and you stared at the glass in your lap, “I finished it”

Hyunjin stared at your lap too, and the petals in the glass balanced in the space between your legs, “Do you want another?”

“Another drink?” You looked up at him.

He nodded, and his cheeks were so flushed, so he was already a little tipsy, “We can make a stronger one”

“You have a train to catch in the morning. Is that a good idea?”

“I’ll be fine” He reassured you, “This night is more important to me than that”

You clutched the counter on both sides, and nodded, “Okay. Another drink sounds good to me then”

He nodded, eyes half-lidded, “Can I have your glass?”

You hummed, “Yeah” but you made no effort to give it to him.

So, his eyes flickered from yours, to the glass between your legs. 

Carefully, he reached for it, trying to grasp the thin stem. You didn’t move an inch, holding your breath. 

His fingers brushed against your inner thighs, and he stilled. But he didn’t say anything. 

He went straight for it, and grabbed the wine glass, so near to where you needed him the most. 

Careful, he lifted it up from between your legs, and then finally you could breathe again. He walked over to the cabinet, “What kind of drink do you want this time?”

“I’ll trust your judgement”

He busied himself yet again, explaining what he was making, using up all the leftover gin he had. You watched him as he worked. The t-shirt was fitted, and it was a little wet from the rain, sticking to his body tightly. That must be uncomfortable. 

As he moved about, pouring the gin into your glasses, you focused on how his back muscles flexed and relaxed. He was so good with his hands, as he worked swiftly and quickly.

Your head was already beginning to spin.

“You have anything to eat?” You asked.

He looked back at you, “Are you dizzy?”

“Just a bit” You reassured him with a smile, “I am hungry though”

He turned, hands on his hips, and you found it hard to focus on his face. The t-shirt was basically see-through at this point, sticking to every ridge and muscle in his body, clinging to him. 

“I might have some chocolate, but I don’t remember if I packed it in my suitcase already”

“You know what, don’t worry about it” You waved it off with your hand, “I’ll be fine”

He looked worried, “You sure?”

“Mmh-mh”

“And you’re okay to have another drink? We don’t need to” 

“No, we won’t get to do this again, so yes I’m okay”

This was your last night, your brain kept screaming at you, again and again.

He turned to finish garnishing the drink. His hair was still long enough to brush his shoulders, and it stuck to the back of his neck, and the shade of brown really suited him. You wanted to run your hands through it, feel the wet hair between your fingertips, scratch it with your nails. 

His girlfriend…she must have had the honour to do that, whenever she wanted.

Unlike you. You always had to wait for moments. 

Moments like the one in the Photobooth. Or under the fireflies.

The special moments you lived for.

You couldn’t just casually walk up to him, and kiss him.

You were a little tipsy, so you didn’t think twice, “Can I ask you about her?”

He paused, and asked you, “Her?”

“The pop star you dated” 

Understanding sank into his shoulders, and he handed you the glasses. The second round of drinks were ready. Standing opposite you, he crossed one arm over his stomach, drinking with the other hand.

“You don’t have to, if you don’t feel comfortable” You added, watching him carefully.

He didn’t seem uncomfortable.

He tipped his head back, drinking, and then looked at you, “You really want to know?”

“Yeah” You gripped the counter, and your drink lay to the side, untouched.

You added, “I mean she’s your ex, and…we’re friends. Friends talk about that kind of stuff”

He nodded, slightly, “They do”

You were relieved, never wanting to make him uncomfortable, but you were burning with curiosity.

“What do you want to know?” He tilt his head.

“How did you meet her?”

He suddenly relaxed, as if he’d been expecting you to ask much harder questions, “Oh, uh. She was training at the same company I was. On a different floor, of course. She was one of the top trainees of her year, and…we would practice at the same time, overnight. I bumped into her a few times then”

“Oh. Sounds like she worked really hard”

Hyunjin nodded, “I mean, we had no choice, but yeah…she was one of the few who really pushed herself. Some days it felt impossible to debut, so you really only made it if you worked your ass off, you know?” He then paused, as if wondering whether to say the next thing or not, but he did it anyway, “That’s what I liked the most about her”

Your gut clenched, but your curiosity overshadowed the jealousy that was eating you up.

“So…did you ask her out? Or did she?”

He took another sip of his drink, glancing briefly to the floor and then up at you, “Yeah. I had a stupid teenage crush on her”

The words were enough to make you finally pick up your drink, and perhaps you needed to be inebriated before listening to this.

A fucking crush. She must have been the luckiest girl in the world to be crushed on by Hwang Hyunjin. You wondered what she looked like, but maybe it was better not to know. She was a star, she was probably perfect.

If he ever told you he had a crush on you, you’d probably pass out. 

“Was that allowed…? To date another trainee?”

Hyunjin then laughed, shaking his head, “Um, not at all. It was forbidden”

Oh.

It was forbidden, but he did it anyway.

“You must have liked her a lot”

He hummed, swirling the liquid in his glass, “I was a stupid kid. I wasn’t thinking”

“So you regret it?”

He shook his head, “No. I needed the experience”

“Of dating?”

“That, but also…a month or so after we started going out, one of her friends was asked to leave the company because she was caught up in a scandal. A dating one. That made me realise that I was risking my entire life, and my dream, for…a girl”

“How’d you do it?”

“Do what?” He seemed confused.

Your body was alight with all of this information.

“Keep it a secret for that long”

He smiled a bit at the memory, “Um. We found ways. We’d meet after dinner, and during late-night practices. Sometimes really early in the morning”

You think you would die.

“Did you fuck?”

Hyunjin’s eyes shot up to yours, wide, surprised. 

You don’t know what the hell possessed you to say that, but you didn’t budge, indicating to him that it was okay to answer.

He slowly nodded, tongue poking his cheek, “Yeah. We did”

You were dying.

But for some godforsaken reason, you needed to know the details. As if the thoughts of his secret dating days was arousing to you.

“Tell me more”

He til his head, words at the tip of his tongue. He wanted to ask you if you really wanted to know, or why you were so curious, but he didn’t ask. 

You wouldn’t have asked if you weren’t prepared to hear the answer.

Hyunjin was staring at you, assessing every little detail of your facial expression, and you wanted to seem confident. You weren’t some kid. 

You could hear about him having sex, and not freak out.

Thoughts of him fucking some pop star should kill you, but it didn’t. Your core was tight, with anticipation, with imagination. You pressed your thighs together, waiting for him to talk.

“Um…” He paused, to take another sip. Perhaps he needed some liquid courage too sometimes, “It was never…we never had too much time on our hands. It was always quick. Rushed, but I think that’s where half of the thrill of it was. The fear of being caught anytime. If we weren’t quick, we wouldn’t have been able to…”

Your heart was pounding.

Images flashing in your head. 

He looked into your eyes, and you just nodded, for him to continue. If he looked at your hands, he would see your knuckles were white from gripping the counter too hard. 

“It was hot” He spoke, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed, “The secrecy. The…shared glances. Nobody but us knew what went on. During group sessions, we would watch each other…in the practice room. Working out. Dancing”

“And?”

It wasn’t enough.

His eyes had a peculiar expression, like he couldn’t understand why you wanted to know all this stuff, but he told you anyway, “And…on bad days, when she was frustrated or upset, I’d…be there for her. In the way that she wanted”

You took a large sip of your drink, the alcohol sour in your mouth, and your head was beginning to spin. In a good way. You were wet too.

You didn’t think you could ever feel this way. 

You were dizzy with want, and with desire, and his name escaped your lips in what was almost a complaint, “Hyunjin…”

“Yeah?” He was immediate to step closer, keeping his glass aside. He put his hands on either side of you, caging you in place, and his voice dropped so low, “Are you gonna tell me why you wanted to know that?”

“I don’t know” You mumbled, “I don’t understand it myself”

He leaned in, watching you, “You’ve had a lot to drink”

“I’m fine”

His voice softened, and he grabbed the glass from you, “I know, but…let’s not drink anymore, okay?”

“Why?” You whined, “It’s your last night”

He out a soft laugh, “It’s not like I’m dying or anything. I’ll only be a few hours away from you”

“A few hours is a lot. I don’t want you to be even a few minutes away” You complained.

He smiled, adoration in his eyes, “So, what do you want then? To stay with me all the time?”

You nodded, eyes closing, “That sounds fair”

He laughed, loudly, “Is it really? What about my job? Is it fair for me to leave all of that?”

“What about me?” You opened your eyes to look at him. 

He was so close, just inches away. His wispy bangs stuck to his forehead, grazing his eyebrows. His eyes were full of amusement, they were so brown, and so big. 

His lips were thick, tinted with the colors of the drink, and even little accidents like that made him look perfect, like he was sculpted by a great artist. You could admire him for hours.

He tilt his head, “What about you?”

You pursed your lips, feeling sad all of a sudden, “Are you gonna forget all about me?”

His smiled, hand tracing your cheek, “You really think so?”

“Your whole life is waiting for you back there”

He nodded, “It is…”

“You have so much to look forward to” You told him. So much more than what this life here in this little small-town could give him. 

He spoke, “Maybe that’s why I’m not sad. I guess because Seoul has always been my home”

Your heart felt heavy at his confession but you understood him, “Hyun…”

“I know. It sounds horrible. I was born here, and this is where my parents used to live before we moved, and this town should mean so much more to me. I feel like I’m betraying…that”

“You’re not betraying anyone, Hyun. You may not feel this town anymore but Daejon will still always be here for you. If you ever need it”

He glanced at you, eyes wide.

“And I will be too” You continued, “If you ever need me”

His mouth parted as he whispered, “Thank you”

You swallowed, staring at his lips, “What do we do now?”

His eyes flickered over you, and he was quiet.

Your heart was racing a mile a minute, and your mind too. 

“I don’t know” He finally spoke.

Your heart carried a sense of unfulfilment.

There was more that should happen. 

You could talk to each other for hours, and it was endless. Unfortunately, time was linear.

It was finite, and yours with him was coming to an end.

You’d been here for hours, yet it didn’t feel like that.

Hyunjin was staring at you, half-lidded eyes, and empty promises swirled within them.

You swallowed your sadness, trying to find words, “Your manager, he’s going to be coming here soon, right?”

“Yeah. His train will arrive…any time now” He glanced at his phone, “He’s almost here…”

“I should go before he arrives”

Hyunjin nodded, stepping back, “Yeah. He…he can’t see you here”

You jumped off the counter, suddenly unsure what to do or say. This was it.

He was going to be gone soon.

You stared at each other, at a loss for words. You couldn’t even cry. You just felt a certain numbness. The numbness he talked about. Maybe it was the gin.

You also felt like you were in denial, like he would return soon and you’d see him tomorrow morning. 

But the last time he left…he didn’t return for years.

Why would now be any different?

“I don’t know what to say” You mumbled, stupidly. There was nothing wrong with being honest.

He was leaving, and you couldn’t breathe. The air in your body wasn’t enough, and you were panicking because you didn’t know what to fucking say. Why had nobody prepared you for goodbyes like this?

In the movies, they were so dramatic, but real life wasn’t like that.

In the books, they were so romantic, but there was no time for love in his life.

Hyunjin’s expression softened, “You don’t have to say anything. I don’t want you to be sad. We’re going to meet again, and we’ll see each other soon”

You nodded, air returning to your lungs, “Right. You’re completely right, Hyunjin”

There was no need to freak out. He wasn’t dying, or anything. 

You didn’t want this to be some big deal. You weren’t going to cry, or make a scene. 

“It’s only for a little while” He shot you a smile.

“Yeah” Your palms were sweaty, and you wiped them on your jeans. You stared at the kitchen counter, and your wine glasses lay empty. You wish you’d asked for another drink. You wish tonight didn’t have to end. You wish time wasn’t linear, and you could go back.

Fuck. If you could change things, you would have gone back just an hour tonight, and you would have told him you were in love with him.

But it was too late now. 

He was just your friend, and he would stay in touch with you, like friends did. It wasn’t any different than what Yeonjun did when he left, or even Seonghwa.

“I should go” You stated, with finality.

Hyunjin nodded, then stepped forward, closing the distance between you until he stood an arm's length away.

“Thank you for coming over” He mentioned, “I wouldn’t have been able to sleep tonight anyway”

“Of course. That’s…what friends are for” You smiled up at him.

He suddenly seemed awkward, hands at his side like he didn’t know what to do, “Can I hug you?”

Why was this so strange?

Why were neither of prepared for this?

You’d never said goodbye to a boy you loved, so you didn’t know how it worked.

You wish there was a manual for this. But even every tutorial in the world couldn’t prepare you for the look in his eyes.

You got up on your toes, pulling him into an embrace, and he immediately hugged you back. His strong arms wrapped around your body, squeezing you in his grip. 

You could smell the rain on him, a faint hint of his cologne, his shampoo. You’d want to bottle up his scent, and keep it with you forever. The air smelt like the ground after it rained, and like an unrequited love.

You tried to memorise the shape of his arms on you, and the sound of his heart beat. 

Hyunjin let go of you, far too quickly, but it was what you needed, or you’d never leave.

You were in a state of fugue, indulging in actions, but not thinking, not feeling.

You found yourself at the front door, and you don’t remember how you got here. You looked back at him, “Text me when you get to the city, okay?”

He nodded, “I will. Don’t worry, okay?”

All your words seem stuck in you. They can’t seem to make it past your chest.

Maybe a part of you thought there’d be some grand declaration of love by now, but this was real life and those things never happened.

You turned to leave.

“Wait—” He suddenly spoke.

“What?” You asked, anticipation swelling within you.

His wait held so many promises. So much hope.

Wait, I’m in love with you too.

Wait, I’m fucking stupid for leaving you all alone in this town.

Wait, please don’t leave me without kissing me goodbye.

He retreated to the kitchen counter, “Wait — your sketchbook. Don’t forget to take that” 

“Oh. Of course” You grabbed it from him, fingers brushing against his. 

“Take care of yourself” He spoke, and it was so forced. It was the right thing to say, obviously. It’s what you told people when you wouldn’t see them again for a while. 

But it felt wrong, like you were both forcing yourselves to follow traditions, and patterns, but those never worked on the two of you.

You pushed open the door, and a gust of wind blew in. The storm had passed now, so you could get home safely, by yourself, all alone. 

Looking over your shoulder as you walked out, you felt nothing. He smiled at you, but it didn’t reach his eyes. His heart wasn’t in it. 

You were drained out, and all of your emotions were spent.

You held the sketchbook to your chest, focusing on the sound of your footsteps on the wet pavement, and not on Hyunjin’s house behind you.

You heard the door close behind you, and you squeezed the sketchbook a little harder, willing yourself to walk as fast as you could.

It felt like it would be the most emotionally draining moment of your life, but you felt so numb too.

You passed his front porch and bedroom window, and you remembered the first time you’d come over. How he’d shown you all of his art, and his painting. You’d been surprised to know how wonderfully his mind worked. 

Even back then, he’d asked if he could hug you. Always so…fucking nice. 

You were already forgetting the feel of his arms around you.

You stopped in your tracks, and you shouldn’t.

You turned around.

His house was beautiful, like him. 

Tomorrow, it would be empty.

Right now, it was so full of him, of his love, and of everything that made him him.

Your body took on a mind of its own, and you were walking. 

You were walking back to his place. It was stupid. 

What the hell were you doing?

You had no plan or idea of what you’d say when you got there, but that couldn’t have been your goodbye. 

You needed to see him one more time. Just another minute.

You raised your hand in a fist to knock on his door, but before you could, the door flew open.

He stood there, staring at you, eyes wide. 

His hair was messy like he’d run his hand through it a million times since you walked away, but that was only twenty fucking seconds ago.

“Y/N…” He spoke, breathing heavy as his eyes flickered all over you, and the fact that you’d come back.

“What… what were you doing?” You had the audacity to ask him when you didn’t even know what the fuck you were doing.

He was breathing so heavy, chest moving rapidly up and down, “I don’t really know. I was coming after you” 

Realisation sank in. 

You’d come back to see him again, and in the same breath he was coming after you. 

The world was really so cruel.

How could two people be so perfect for each other but be destined to be apart?

You couldn’t say anything, except his name, “Hyun—”

And in the same breath, his lips collided with yours, so hard and fast.

The impact was so powerful you stumbled back, but his arm was tightly wrapped around you, holding you up. 

It was tight around your waist, gripping you, and he was devouring you, lips moving against yours like they never should be apart. 

You were running out of time.

You kissed him back, hands coming up to his arms, gripping his biceps tight, fingernails digging in. 

Time was running and it was slipping away every second that the Earth was turning, but his grip on you was so strong that even a planet couldn’t come between you.

You stood at his doorway, on the threshold, halfway in, halfway out.

He’d never kissed you like this. 

His hand slipped into your hair, gripping onto it so tightly it almost hurt, tilting your head back and back as he towered over you. He kept kissing you, pressing pecks against your lips, bruising them.

Your hands drifted into the front of his shirt, and you gripped it in your fists, holding onto him for life.

“Fuck—” He mumbled, in a breath between pecks. Fuck, you’re actually fucking doing this again.

Your body was heating up, and he stopped to let you breathe, moving his mouth over your jawline and leaving kisses to your ear. You were putty in his hands, and he tilt his head the other way, pecking every inch of un-kissed skin.

“You came back” He breathed, pupils dilated as he looked right at you, and both his hands came to hold your face.

“I couldn’t go” You were panting, trying to get the air back in.

“I’m gonna miss you so fucking much” His lips trailed over yours again, tracing your mouth to memory.

“I know, I know” You nodded, realising that you were both tasting your tears. You didn’t even know you had tears.

The door was wide open and it was stupid to do this now, but it was everything. The wind prickled goosebumps up your arms, and legs, and you both kissed each other goodbye.

“Can I just say something?” He asked, breathing heavy. 

“There’s no time” You told him, kissing him again, and again.

He laughed slightly, “I’ll be quick”

You pulled away, “Tell me”

He was speaking quickly, trying to get all the words out in one breath, “I know we’ve said it a million times. I know we’re supposed to just be friends, and I know nothing can happen, but…I have no self-control around you. I’m so fucking sorry”

It didn’t make you sad. You’d heard it before, and you embraced it.

“Don’t apologise” You mumbled, and your hands drifted around his waist, feeling him up. 

Was it possible to want somebody so bad, knowing it would lead to absolutely nothing?

He swallowed, “I know we have to just be friends…but I’m so fucking attracted to you. Like an absolutely insane amount. It’s impossible for me to pretend I’m not into you”

Each word he said just made you wet, and you kissed him instead of answering. 

There was no time, because when were things ever easy for you?

You felt him up, all you could, hands drifting to his ass, and to the front of his pants, squeezing him through his sweatpants.

He left kisses on your jaw, and he felt you up too. His hand squeezed your ass, the other going up the front of your shirt. His fingers grazed your bra, and he pulled you even closer to him.

“Can I take you inside?” He whispered, ”Please, please, please”

“Hyunjin, I don’t wanna be interrupted” You breathed, because that’s what always happened. 

“Me neither” He mumbled into your neck, breathing in your scent, “We won’t… go there. We won’t sleep together”

You pulled back to look him in the eyes, because it sounded impossible right now, “Would we be able to stop before that?”

He nodded, “If you can’t, I’ll stop us. Don’t worry”

How could you say no? 

So he took your hand, fingers intertwining with yours, as you found yourselves back in his bedroom. Everything was put away, and his room was empty, but you sat on the bed and didn’t break the kiss for a second.

You didn’t have the luxury to go further, but you could just kiss. So you did just that.

He didn’t pull you into his lap, because you wouldn’t be able to control yourself if he did.

Instead, you sat cross-legged, facing each other, mouths meeting in the middle like two teenagers dared to kiss at a party.

He kept his hand in your hair, the other on your waist, and it was so innocent it was sweet. Your hands rested on his thighs, squeezing the skin through his sweats.

You didn’t know much time you had left, until he had to leave, until you were interrupted. You hope his manager never showed up. 

You continued to feel him up, memorising every ridge and muscle of his body, and he let out soft moans every time you touched him somewhere new.

“I’m so glad you came back” He mumbled, “I wanted you so much”

“Why didn’t you ask me?” You almost whined, kissing his jawline, “I wanted you too”

Things got more heated, and in a matter of seconds, he was pulling you closer to him. Your knees skidded across the mattress, as Hyunjin pulled you to him. 

Nothing was supposed to happen, but somehow, you were fiddling with the knot of his sweatpants, and he had unbuttoned your jeans, pulling the button out of its loop. 

You were dizzy with desire, and his hand slipped inside your jeans, at the same time that yours did into his sweatpants. Now you really did feel like teenagers — making out with your hands down each other’s pants.

It was hard for him because the waistband of your jeans were so tight, and he seemed frustrated. If you’d known this was going to happen, you’d have worn a dress, or maybe nothing at all, so nothing could stop him from touching you.

His fingers brushed against your underwear, and you were so fucking wet it was ridiculous. You bit back a moan, he’d barely touched you but you were burning.

Everything was spinning, and you were so high off off him. His fingers pushed your panties to the side, your arousal making it harder for him to do.

“Fuck…you’re really wet” He mumbled, and his fingers touched your core. You let out a moan at the feeling.

This was the first time he’d touched you like this, and you couldn’t focus on anything. Your hand in his pants stilled, as his fingers started to brush languid circles across your clit. 

Your head fell forward, against his forehead, and he didn’t even seem to mind that you’d stopped touching his cock. He was too focused on you. 

“Shh…I got you” He breathed, kissing your jaw, as he pressed his fingers against you, truly feeling how much you wanted him. You couldn’t describe the way he touched you, as if he was caressing you, fingers brushing against your folds so delicately. Nobody had ever touched you like this.

Your mouth parted, allowing Hyunjin to slip his tongue in, and his anxiety manifested in how intensely he kissed you, like he was running out of time, like this was the last time. You let him take control, as he controlled the pace of it, making out with you. Yet, making out seemed too crude a word for what he was doing. He was savouring every kiss - no half-kisses, no pecks - mouth crushed to yours like he wanted to devour you and you’d let him.

You’d been turned on since hours. You needed more. You gripped onto his bicep tightly, your other hand buried down his pants, hoping he would get the hint. His fingers prodded at your entrance, feeling you.

“Will you let me?” He asked, voice so innocent. You’d never said yes so fast before in your life.

Your lips grazed his ear, and then his cheek, “Please, Hyun”

He pulled back to look at you, “Are you sure?”

“Please”

“Stop me if it hurts, okay?” He kissed under your ear, and then in one swift move, he pushed a finger inside you. You stopped breathing the deeper he got, and you looked at him, mouth parted. 

It didn’t hurt. He could never hurt you.

“You’re so gorgeous” He mumbled, and then he pulled his finger back, before pushing it back in. An embarrassing moan escaped you, and he smiled at your reaction. 

“You like it when I do that?” He asked, and he was out of breath, just like you. He began thrusting out, and then back in, slow, lazy strokes, like he was still getting a feel for it, familiarising himself with your reactions and your body. But there was no time for slow, or careful.

“Holy shit” You mumbled, feeling like you’d pass out, “You can —You can go deeper, and faster too...please”

You had to make him feel good too. So you went back to work, wrapping your hand entirely around his cock. It was a different kind of feeling, to be doing this with all of your clothes still on. There was a small stain at the front of his sweatpants, and he was leaking already. The sight made you dizzy and crazy.

You brushed your thumb against his tip. He let out a moan, eyes fluttering shut, “Fuck. If you do that, I can’t focus on you” 

He then thrust another finger deep inside you, stretching you open, as if in retaliation.

Your mouth fell open in a moan, eyes squeezing shut, but you didn’t stop moving your hand over his cock, “But— but you’re distracting me”

You were both a mess of whimpers and moans, and he kept fingering you open, stretching you out. You’re sure his hand was dripping with your arousal, just like yours was covered in his pre-cum.

Hyunjin became impatient, bucking his hips for more friction, and you increased your pace too.  He whimpered, back arching, and cursed loudly, fucking himself into your hand. His hair was wet with sweat, sticking to his forehead, to his neck.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful” You told him, pressing your mouth to his.

He fingered you harder. 

Your vision was a blur, and all you could focus on was moving your hand over his length. Something about making him moan, while his fingers were buried inside you, was so fucking hot. He was too big in your hands, and you wanted him so bad. But you’d made an agreement, and you couldn’t fuck, no matter how tempting it was.

Time ticked so fast, slipping from within you.

“Are you close?” He whispered into your ear, finger fucking you slowly. It was far too much to handle. You squirmed in his grip, “Yeah. Go faster, please”

He nodded, pressing a kiss to your lips and then increased his pace. You could hear how turned on you were, the wet sounds echoing through his room.

“It’d be easier without the jeans” He mumbled, fucking you open with just his fingers, frustrated at how the waistband restricted his movements. 

“Are you close too?” 

He hummed, “I’m so close. I could cum probably just from touching you”

His words shot another wave of arousal through you, and your core tightened around him, impossibly.

“Fuck — you just…got so tight. Did you like that?” He asked you.

You nodded, no coherent thought in your head.

“Shit, come here” He said, and he pulled your hand out of his sweatpants. You whined at the loss of contact, but he pulled you into his lap instead. His arm came around to hold you up, and you were sat right on his crotch.

“What about—” You went to ask, but he shut you up with a kiss. 

His hand slipped back inside your jeans, and he slid your panties to the side again, “Let me”

You nodded, putting your hands around his neck.

He was so hard under you, and experimentally he thrust up, the friction of you on him so much, and he breathed, “Shit. That feels...amazing”

Everything was spinning, except him, “Don’t stop”

“Remember what I told you?” He mumbled, hand gripping your hip, and you nodded. 

He’d taught you how to make him feel good, back when you were still in the Photobooth. So, you dragged yourself over his crotch, slowly. It was harder to do when his fingers were still inside you, but every little movement felt amplified. 

You didn’t care about anything but him, you didn’t need this to be slow, you didn’t need it to be careful. You just needed him, and that was perfect.

His head fell back, and you kissed messily, spit between your mouths. He was thrusting up into you, to the same pace that his fingers moved inside you. It seemed like that was really enough for him too. Every little contact drove you crazy, like it was your first time touching a boy, and his first time touching a girl. There was so much novelty in the way you two moved against each other, and no finesse. Everything was rushed, every kiss messy, each feeling intensified. 

You caressed the sides of his face, “I want you to fuck me, please”

His eyes widened, but he thrust up so hard at those words, “Y/N, we can’t”

“Please, just the...just the tip”

He kissed you, “I want to, so badly, but --”

“But what?”

He looked genuinely sorry, breaking away from the kiss, “I don’t have a...condom. I'm sorry”

Oh, the irony. You wanted to scream with agony, because you don’t think you’d ever wanted someone this bad before.

“I’m so sorry” He mumbled, kissing you again, but then his voice turned darker, “My fingers aren’t enough for you?”

You clenched, “No. No- they are”

He thrust both fingers in with so much pressure, stretching you open, “Is that better?”

You pressed your lips to his, wanting to kiss him through your orgasm, because your stomach was tightening and you were so close. Hyunjin deepened the kiss, pushing his tongue into your mouth, and he was suddenly so rough and intense but you absolutely loved that.

He was breathing heavy, eyes half-lidded and consumed with lust, just like you. His lips were so puffy, and swollen, thick and full, and so pink, and he was fingering you so perfectly. Your core tightened, and you pressed your mouth to his again, to let him kiss you because you felt so out of control.

“Wait— wait, I wanna look at you” He breathed, pushing both fingers in so deep, curling them just right. All it took was to look at him for you to completely let go. 

Stars dotted your vision, and you whimpered, your entire body trembling. 

“Hyun—” You buried your face in his neck, a white hot flash overtaking you, travelling from your core to your heart, to your head. 

He was still grinding against you, faster now, lips hovering over yours, chasing a high you’d both been denied for far too long. And just seconds after, he let out a long drawn out moan, hips twitching up into you, eyes squeezed shut as he cursed, “Fuck”

For a few minutes, there was nothing but the sounds of your breaths. 

He was breathing deeply, and his hair was drenched, sweat dripping down his face, and neck and chest.

He opened his eyes. You wanted to cuddle up in his arms and go to sleep. From the look on his face, he wanted the same. You stared at each others state, and slowly he pulled his hand out of your jeans. Sweat trickled down his chin. It sparkled like glitter. You traced his jawline with your hands, soaking up the sweat into your skin.

You didn’t say anything, but he wrapped his arms tighter around your body. You gripped the front of his shirt, squeezing it in your grip. His heart was beating so fast. 

“You okay?” He asked you, his voice so gentle.

You hummed, and you felt drained, but you felt exhilarated too.

His hand rubbed your back, soothing you.

You tilt your head at him, “You?”

A smile pulled at his lips, “Yeah. I’m okay”

You traced his pecs through the shirt, not wanting him to leave. It was criminal for this feeling to end, and for this pleasure to not be yours everyday. Nothing had ever felt this good, and even in your post-coital haze, you wanted him more. 

So you blurted, “What if I did it anyway?”

“Did what?”

“What if…I moved to Seoul anyway? Maybe I could go there first…and look for a job later. I know it’s crazy and impulsive but I’ve always wanted to live there and—”

You trailed off, at his expression.

“Do you think it’s a stupid idea or something?” You chewed on your lower lip.

Hyunjin’s eyes followed that movement, and his thumb traced your mouth, “No …it’s not stupid at all. It’s what you’ve wanted for a few years, right?”

“It sounds crazy and impulsive…because I don’t even have a plan of what I’ll do, but maybe...that doesn’t matter”

Before he could speak up, his phone buzzed against the nightstand.

He glanced at it, and then to you.

Just at that minute, you heard the cab pull up. Hyunjin sighed, closing his eyes, and you got off his lap. He peeked through the blinds, “Fuck. He’s here”

“I should leave” You stood, gathering your things. There was no time to ask for his opinion anymore. Maybe he didn’t want to tell you it was a batshit insane idea.

“Hold on” He handed you his sweatshirt, the one that had dried by now, “It’s a cold walk out. You sure you’ll make it home safe?”

“Don’t worry about me” You told him, squeezing his sweatshirt in your hands, feeling silly for blurting out such a spontaneously dumb idea that made it very obvious how much you loved him.

A car door opened outside, and his manager must have stepped out. It was almost four in the morning. You were going to be leaving through the back. 

His manager couldn’t see you here. 

You’d already said your goodbyes, in the only way you knew how to.

You stepped out onto the patio, but Hyunjin grabbed your arm, urgency in his tone, “You should do it, Y/N”

You turned, confused, “Do what?”

The doorbell rang.

Hyunjin spoke quickly, “What you were just talking about. Even if you didn’t get into the program you wanted, you should move there. To Seoul”

Your eyes widened, tears filling up suddenly, and you quickly pulled him into another hug, and he stumbled into your embrace, “Thank you for saying that. I think it’d feel less scary with you there”

His lips brushed against your ear, “It’s the least I can do. Being here was less scary for me, only because of you”

He kissed you a rushed goodbye, but for the first time that night, your heart didn’t hurt anymore.

»»————-

Your morning passed in a daze. 

Time wasn’t real, as you lay on your bed, counting down the seconds until his train. Minutes stretched into hours into seconds, and you must have been more tired than you thought, because you woke up to drool on your pillow. 

The sun told you it was the afternoon. 

You’d fallen asleep in the clothes you wore to the drive-in theater. Your underwear was still wet, and reminded you of him. You were smiling to yourself like a crazy person, as you dressed yourself for work, and you put his sweatshirt on. It smelled just like him, and as you walked to work, the grass and the birds and the houses all remind you of him. 

Was it possible to fall even more in love with someone?

You were distracted, often drifting into thoughts of his moans, of the sensation of his hand in your pants, but it was frustrating because the man of your affections was moving miles away from you by the minute.

Hyunjin’s first text came at a precarious time.

You had been packing a pink acrylic canister for a customer, and the pings of your phone were so distinctive, you instantly knew it was him. It had to be Hyunjin, he must have already reached home, and you had to hold back an urge to text him back.

The phone buzzed incessantly against the glass countertop, and the lady in front of you raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry” You apologised for the ringing, “I forgot to put it on silent”

She didn’t really seem to care, “Can I try a paint swatch of the pink before you pack it up?”

“Of course” You unscrewed the cap, dipping a stray paintbrush into it, so you could show her how it showed up on paper, “Is that good?”

“Um, do you have a brighter one perhaps? I don’t think my daughter needs this one” 

You nodded, glancing behind her, “I think it’s in the third aisle”

A few more pings from your phone caught your attention.

It startled you, making you squeeze the bottle in your hands, and pink paint dripped onto your fingers and the countertop.

“Shit” You mumbled, wiping it clean with a tissue.

The customer was still busy browsing the aisles, and Mrs. Aera would be less than pleased to see you using your phone on your job, but…

It was just for a minute.

hyun

heyy

shit im sorry i couldn’t call earlier

It’s been crazy

but i just got to my dorm

i just wanted to let you know i made it 

and i was planning to paint in the train journey over, but i totally passed out lol

you

hey :)

I was just thinking of you

im so glad youre home safe <3

that sounds like something i would do ngl

keep me updated!

tell me everything in detail later please im dying

hyun

sent a photo

can you tell they missed me a lot

It was a picture of him at a stairwell, surrounded by three boys you’d come to recognise as Chan, Changbin and Jisung. They were smiling wide, teeth on display and Changbin was making a kissing face toward’s Hyunjin’s cheek, lips pouted and ready. 

Jisung was pulling at Hyunjin’s other cheek, and Chan was laughing to the side, eyes closed in pretty crescents. 

you 

they’re adorable lmao

did changbin actually kiss u haha?

In the picture you literally look like a kid embarrassed by his parents  

hyun 

they won’t let go of me ever since im back

and yeah changbin even insisted on sleeping in my bed tonight..?

i had to reassure them im not going away anytime soon 

but its sweet

what are you up to?

i hope you weren’t too tired for work 

“This pink seems like a good shade, does it not?” The customer brought you back to reality, placing a canister on the counter, and her gaze fell to the stained countertop, “What happened to your hands?”

Your screen was now tainted with pink fingerprint stains, but you didn’t care, smiling at the texts you just received. Maybe things would be okay, even when he was gone.

»»————-

 The first time he called you from the city, was when you were at the diner, and you almost fumbled your latte at the ringing. 

Seonmi raised a questioning eyebrow as you pushed your coffee cup aside.

You picked up faster than lightning. 

“Hi” You spoke, into your phone, sounding just a little out of breath.

“Hey” His voice sent shooting stars through your heart, igniting you with a newfound energy at only eight in the morning. It was hoarse, and smooth at the same time.

You’d only been texting each other the past few days, he’d been rightfully swept into the whirlwind of his life, and you’d been dying to know how he’d been. He’d given you little updates, about how it felt to move back in, to get back to his job, at how he was welcomed back by his fans so grandly. 

You’d watched his return on the news — the number of people who were there to greet him at the train station was insane, and you’d felt so proud of him. He told you that they had to close a major exit of the station, just because the company hadn’t expected that many people to show up. 

It was the first time you’d physically seen the impact he had, and it didn’t surprise you at all. People with pictures of him, banners, and slogans and signs in every language just to welcome him back from his hiatus.

He was so loved by so many people.

It’d be selfish to want to keep him just to yourself.

“Are you outside?”

“I was just grabbing coffee” You explained, pressing your phone to your ear to drown out the sounds of the diner. 

“Man, I miss The Grove’s coffee”

You twirled the cup in your hands, smiling, “It misses you too”

“I thought I’d call you when I had time. I’m headed straight to the studio after this. Guess what? The stylists love what I did with my hair, apparently the blonde is an old trend now anyway, and now they want to capture this while it’s still fresh”

You laughed, “What? You mean the cheap haircut you gave yourself?”

He chuckled, “Mmh. Something about it is raw, and apparently perfect for my comeback”

You spun on your chair, “Well, they certainly know how to make the best of a situation” 

“We’re recording till late tonight. With the new album, we’re on the clock almost all the time. We have just under two weeks to finish producing it”

“For the entire album? Is that enough?”

“It has to be” He said, “I don’t mind. It’s what I live for”

You bit your lip, anticipation coursing through you, “Can I hear it anytime soon?”

He grinned, “You’ll be the first one”

He kept his promise. 

That night, he sent you a video. 

It’s a snippet of him in the studio, and you keel at the thumbnail before you’ve even opened it. His hair was messy, like he’s straight out of bed before recording, and bulky headphones sat around his neck. 

You hear someone counting down in the background, and you wonder if that’s Chan, his producers, or someone else to help with the process. The instrumental is muted, so it’s just Hyunjin singing the backing vocals.

Eyes squeezed shut, he’s lost in the verse of the song. The cadence and tone of his voice so distinctly different from when he speaks. It’s sassy, and it’s harsh, and the cleanest rap you ever heard.

You stared in awe, earphones plugged in, sat behind the cash counter in your break, and then you watched it again, and again, until you’re called back to your shift.

You think about the video all the while you’re at the store, and you called him as soon as you’re out.

“You were so good, the verse has been stuck in my head for hours and you sound cocky as fuck, but it’s not an annoying cocky. How do you even do that?” You were belting out compliments for minutes now, and Hyunjin sat at the other end, accepting them with flushed cheeks. He was so shy right now, a stark contrast to his singing personality. 

“Stop. You make me sound better than I am. You should…be telling me to get better” He complained.

You laughed, “You’re literally already perfect at it”

“When you visit me, I’ll get you access to the studio. You can watch me record it in real time” He suggested.

The thought excites you, and you imagine watching him from the couch, through the observation window.

You imagine him coming out of the booth to take a break, all sweaty and exhausted, and he would put an arm around you. 

Perhaps you’re influenced by far too many 80s movies. Still, you imagine excessively making out with him in the recording studio until his assistants have to physically pull you off each other.

Yeah, considering the industry he’s in, that could never happen.

Over the next few days, he also sends you videos from the dance studio, and all of your feelings for him build on top of each other, like a Jenga tower destined to fall. Every day that passes, a new block is added, and you don’t know how lucky you had to be to bump into him in your life.

He dances just like he kisses, with purpose and intensity, a certain romance behind his moves, and you become guilty of obsessively rewatching the clips he sends you, finding new details every time. 

He wears simple sweatpants to the studio, and he ties his hair up into a bun, and all you want is to be there to kiss his sweat away, and reward him after his long days of work. 

It feels silly to fantasize about caring for him, like you’re a seventies housewife, but you can’t help it. You want to massage the knots from his back, brush the tangles out of his hair, and kiss him between every dance practice. 

You realise how much he’s taken over your life and thoughts, even when he’s miles away. You don’t tell him all of this, but some days you can’t help but blurt your thoughts out.

“You’re messing with me every time you send me another video” You complain to him, “How do you contain all of that talent in a singular body?”

He laughs, but he doesn’t stop. He sends you selfies of him every day from the practice room, and he’s always glistening with sweat in them, throwing up a cheesy peace sign, and it’s your new favourite picture, until he sends you another the very next day.

You sit on your bedroom floor, fiddling with the strings of your hoodie as you talk to him, “What’s your schedule like right now?”

He’s at the headquarters of a high-end international magazine, in the waiting room as he talks to you. You can’t help but feel special that he takes out this time for you, “Well, I stay in the recording studio till late, and when I’m home…I’m trying to paint as much as I can before passing the fuck out. I just started a few days ago but it helps me destress. It gives me time to think about what happened in my day. It’s so…cathartic”

You smiled, so glad he found time to paint again, “Are you cheating on Aera’s with that art shop in Hongdae?”

He laughed, “Yeah. The cashier’s pretty cute here too”

You roll your eyes, “Funny…I hope you’re still making time to eat”

“Yeah, Jisung is my self-appointed manager for the moment. They’re smothering me with love”

“What, he cooks for you?”

“God no, he’d burn the dorm down. He just gets me my favourite takeout. Man, I missed takeout so much I didn’t even realise. There’s a Thai place down the street, and I’m basically surviving on it”

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, Daejon isn’t boujee enough for a Thai restaurant”

He giggled, “I miss the hilltop bakery, although Chan introduced me to this cake shop. It opened just a month ago, it’s some European franchise but fuck if it isn’t the best pastries I’ve had”

You laughed, “It seems like you’re really enjoying yourself”

“Yeah. Everything’s really good”

“Yeah?” You stretch your legs out on your bedroom floor, and as you talk to him, you’ve been sketching in your notepad too, “How are the boys?”

He falls quieter, “Well…Jisung is still dealing with the fallout and backlash from that article. Did I ever tell you my company sued the media outlets who leaked the private information about him? All of his therapy notes and everything?”

“Yeonjun told me that there was some court case” You admitted, heart feeling heavy, “How’s that going?”

“It’s exhausting. There’s so many legal proceedings, but I have hope that Jisung will win the case”

You don’t know too much about this works, “Do you have to testify too?”

“If it comes to that, I will. Jisung wants me to stay out of that spotlight though. He says I’ve already been through enough with my hiatus”

You nod, “Then that’s probably for the best”

“I have to be careful though. The media seems to have a personal vendetta against us right now”

“God. That must be scary. Just take care of yourself”

“I am. Don’t worry. But the other day it was crazy, they surrounded our dorm and it made it impossible to leave”

Your eyes widen, “That doesn’t sound too safe. Can’t the company do something?”

He nods, “Our managers take care of it, but not much else can be done. The area outside our dorm is a public space. Legally, anybody can hang out there, and nothing can stop them from waiting for us”

You sighed, putting down your pencil, “You’re a saint for going through all of this, for your job”

He let out a bitter laugh, “It is my life, so I’m kind of used to it”

“That’s crazy” You mumble.

He nodded, “Hold on. They’re calling me in for the fitting now”

Your eyes widened, the prospect of him dressed up exciting you already, “Did they already show you the outfits you have to wear?”

He hummed, “They told me the theme too. You’ll love it.”

“Tell me”

He laughed, “I gotta go”

“Wait, what?” You protest, but he hangs up before telling you.

The pictures arrived at an unassuming time, catching you off guard.

Hyunjin had sent you ten different photos. You’d been wondering what the theme could have been for the past few hours, but it became very obvious as you scrolled through them all.

2000s fashion. 

Of fucking course.

In the first photo that you see, he was in a cropped jacket, the fabric shimmering under the changing room lights. His phone was held in front of his face, hiding his features and his hair was pushed back by a hairband. He still managed to make it look so sexy.

You stopped everything you were doing, scrolling through the myriad of pictures and outfits he’d bombarded you with.

The denim jeans fit snugly on his hips, patchwork across the thighs. 

You scrolled to the last one, and the jacket was unzipped. You realised why he’d said you would love it. He revealed a cropped baby blue t-shirt, with rhinestones across the hem. The shirt rose enough to show his bellybutton piercing and clenched abs.

You held your breath, staring at the pictures. A thin choker adorned his neck too, and he was slightly smirking in the picture.

He wanted you dead.

you:

wow.

hyun

is that all?

the photoshoot just ended so im going back

you:

i don’t really know what else to say

you look really fucking hot…like you’re so gorgeous in that

the outfit is…perfect on you

but i can’t imagine you ever wearing it here

it’s not your style, right?

hyun:

haha 

you know me so well

i really hate crop tops lol

but …

you

but?

hyun

i know you too :)

so i took a picture just for you

He sent it to you, making your heart stop.

In it, he was sat on the fitting room bench, legs spread. But this time…the rhinestone choker wasn’t around his neck anymore.

It was held between his teeth. 

It was so fucking sexy, you sat up in bed, staring at it, a feeling shooting through your body. You have to remind yourself how to breathe. You don’t reply for a few minutes, and he texts you again.

hyun

what, you have nothing to say now?

He’s so fucking cocky, but it makes you dizzy.

you

i hate you for that picture

hyun 

haha

i knew you’d love it 

»»————-

The next few days were a blur, and you felt a frenzied mess, like you were falling in love with him all over again. 

Hyunjin in Daejon was…a sweetheart, but Hyunjin in Seoul…was a fucking menace. 

You don’t know what it was that changed.

He’d tease you more often, exuding a calm confidence that tortured you at nights. 

Even though you couldn’t talk to him as often, the moments that you did were special. He’d send you pictures, snippets of his day, voice messages about how the album was going or random things the boys did at the dorm.

You lived through him.

In turn, you sent him parts of your life.

The way the sunset set perfectly against the Creek, the exorbitantly rich guests at the Château that were dressed to the nines, the sketches you drew and left unfinished but still sent him.

You found out through Seungmin that Hyunjin had donated all of his leftover paints to The Château, which were worth hundreds of dollars, just so they wouldn’t go to waste while he was away. You were once again, struck by how kind he was to have thought of that.

On mundane nights, he’d send you audio recordings of their unreleased songs, pictures from the studio of him, headphones slung around his neck, tired and weary eyes.

You tried to keep each other updated, not that there was much happening in your life at the moment. Still, you’d send him pictures of you with Yeonjun, of the store, of his favourite order at the diner. 

Every notification, every ping on your phone would send lightning through your veins, knowing it was him on the other end. 

In the days that followed, you heard his voice less, and instead read about his day in wrapped-up summary text messages, paragraphs that flowed for hours, leaving you to scroll through your phone. You’d make it a habit to sit in your favourite booth in the diner, as your paper straw turned soggy in the milkshake, you’d type out every single one of your thoughts. 

Vicariously, he lived through it too.

Your texts with him flowed like a personal diary, a newsletter on all the gossip in Daejon. You told him about the time you bumped into Hana at the diner, and she smiled at you, and you didn’t know what to do.

Somehow, he feels guilty for the rift between you and her, but you tell him it’s not his fault. If your friendship could be broken up by just a boy, it clearly wasn’t strong enough.

But then the next time you see her at the diner, she comes and sits across you.

You’re so shocked that you can barely process it, and she seems unsure too.

“Is there something wrong?” You asked her.

“Does something have to be wrong for me to talk to you?” She replied.

You shrugged, “Considering the last time we spoke—”

“I heard Hyunjin left town. Are you okay?”

You frown, feeling defensive, “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You two were close” She stated, obviously, “Everybody in town knows that”

Maybe it’s your closeness with Hyunjin that makes you feel brave.

You want to say something mean. 

You want to say something honest. 

Everybody in town also thinks he cheated on her with you, after everything she said at the Lakehouse party. 

After she yelled at you in front of everyone.

But you’re past that, so you don’t say it.

“I don’t really care what everybody in town thinks”

It’s tamer than what you had in mind, but it has the same intended effect.

Her eyebrows shoot up, and she’s clearly not expecting that response.

“That doesn’t sound like you” She finally said.

“Yeah, well maybe you don’t know who I am anymore. You haven’t talked to me in months”

“I’m sorry. Yeonjun coming back to town threw me off the loop. You know I never got over him”

“That doesn’t mean you can just take it out on me. I told you that night that…that I got rejected from an apprenticeship I’ve always wanted. You didn’t even ask me about that”

She sighed, running her hands through her hair, “I’m sorry, okay? I don’t really know what you want me to say. I’m not gonna apologise for being upset”

“That’s not what I’m asking you to do, Hana” 

“Then what are even saying? It’s been weeks since that fight. I thought you’d moved on from it”

You stare at her. The innocence in her big eyes, the curls in her hair, the princess corset top she had on. It doesn’t affect you anymore. You used to get so hurt by the things she said. So personally offended. You want to confront her, and tell her about it. You want her to know that she hurt you, but you’re so sick of drama, and of confrontations.

Right now, you feel past it. 

The past few months and all of the things she said still hurt you, and maybe one day you can make things up with her. You just don’t think that day is today.

So you stood up, and she stared at you, confused.

Grabbing your bag and sketchbook, you mumbled, “You’re right, Hana. I have moved on from this”

»»————-

One day, Hyunjin sends you a new painting he worked on.

It’s a vase of flowers. Dahlia.  

It’s rendered beautifully. The shadows, the texture of the petals, and the lighting on the glass.

“When do you even get the time?” As soon as he called you, you asked him, “You’re getting so much better, Hyunjin. I’m serious, like the art you made here…this is already on another level from that”

He smiled, “Are you proud of me?”

“Of course”

“Can you tell me how I can get better?”

You don’t feel too worthy of sharing your knowledge, and you tell him that. After all, you’re not an expert or anything. 

He shuts you down instantly.

“You’ve been painting since before you could talk” He replied, “I want your opinion, Y/N”

You sighed, staring at the picture, “I think your shadows are getting better. Have you tried using a wider brush for the water, with thick bristles? I think the ripples will blend much easier”

“Really?” He asked, “I think right now, it looks too fake somehow”

“Yeah, but I think that’s because you’ve drawn out every wave and the lines are too sharp. Try blending the edges so it fades naturally, okay?”

“Okay, I’m gonna try that this weekend”

“I’m really glad you make time to paint, Hyunjin”

He laughed, “It’s a necessity. I lose myself in it, and it’s just me and the canvas for all those hours. Nothing else matters”

“Sounds familiar” You smiled, “Maybe one day, if you have time, we can paint on video call together”

And then he called you that very weekend.

The computer screen illuminated your face and his, as you painted in the dead of the night. You were set up in your bedroom, an assortment of paintbrushes and watercolours surrounding you. You painted with your fingers, often getting distracted by Hyunjin across the screen. 

His space was cleaner, more organised because he had less space to work with. A bag of chips lay at your side and you pushed your hand into it, lazily munching on it as you watched him frown over a color choice. 

“I think you’re going to love the song I’m working on with Chan” He said, after a while.

“Yeah?” 

“It’s…a sexy, contemporary kind of R&B. I can imagine you liking it”

You only have one, predictable question, “When can I hear it?” 

He laughed, “We’re still writing it”

You hummed, focusing on blending the ocean in your canvas, dabbing at your canvas to experiment with a new style. You savour the moments, because he hardly has this time.

“Can I say something cheesy?” He asked, and you look up to see that he’s sipping on some drink. A fancy cocktail that Chan probably made him. In the back, you can see his bed, and his things, and you wish you can see his room in Seoul. 

You want to know what he decorates it with, and what clutter he has there.

“Yeah?”

The way he’s leaning over his webcam, you can see into his shirt. The navy button-up is loose, and the top few buttons are undone. The sleeves are rolled up, which was probably a good decision since his arms are stained with pink paint. His hands are busier too, with more rings and more bracelets on them.

Hyunjin’s more boujee in the city too.

His cheeks are suddenly red as he confesses, “When I get stuck in the middle of the writing process, I think of you, and it really helps”

You sat up on your knees, cherishing this new bit of information, “What do you think about?”

He flushed, “You know…just our time together. Chan teases me about it. He says you’re my muse or whatever”

He doesn’t say much more, but he’s so shy so you don’t ask. You don’t react as much as you want to either. You want to jump, or scream, or kick your feet giggling. 

It’s a moment you etch into your brain forever.

You’re his muse, and it’s fitting because he’s always been yours.

As the hour passed, your focus grew, and you almost forgot he was on the other side. Almost.

Hyunjin is focused too, and he’s humming a familiar tune. The call lasts for over two hours, and it’s the most you’ve talked to him recently. 

When you’re both done, you show him your canvas; he shows you his, and you marvel at his improvement. He’s painted a beautiful lighthouse, ocean waves crashing into the rocks, and he explained every color choice to you. 

You could hear him talk about his art forever, and you sit in awe, as he expressed his reasoning behind every aspect. He’s gotten so much better at art, and he’s really a prodigy. 

You then do the same, lifting your canvas up to show him the landscape, and he leans in really close to the camera, eyes wide as he takes it in.

“That’s beautiful” He mumbles, still staring at your painting, “I don’t know how you do it so well every time”

You smiled, because art was your favourite thing in the world, and Hyunjin complimenting it made your heart swell.

He was suddenly smiling, and he said, “I…also visited an art gallery last week. I met someone” 

Your eyebrows shot up, and your smile fell so fast.

People only said that in one specific context. When they were into someone.

“You met someone?”

“Yeah” Hyunjin smiled, “She’s…this prodigy. Chan introduced me to her, she’s so young and she’s actually the owner of the entire place and guess what she said to me?”

You didn’t want to know.

“I don’t know” You replied, hoping your indifference wasn’t visible.

“She said one day I could display my own work up there. Isn’t that fucking insane? I mean, I just started out with art”

“How does she know your work?” 

He didn’t comment on your lack of excitement, but he just said, “Oh, Chan showed it to her. I was embarrassed, but it was worth it”

“That’s really nice of her” 

He nodded, “Yeah. She was really sweet. And oh! The reason I’m telling you this was because she used to intern for Kim Jieong, maybe she can help you out with the--”

“No, it’s okay” You’re quick to interrupt.

He then asked why you haven’t applied to another apprenticeship again. 

You put aside your paint supplies, you’d lost motivation anyway. You dragged your laptop onto your bed, as you told him, “I told you. I’m not really confident, and I’m not looking forward to another rejection”

He stopped you before you can continue, “You’ve got nothing to lose then. Please, at least try. For me”

He’s sleepy, and his eyes kept closing, but he stayed up just to convince you.

You sighed, “Fine. I’ll apply, but don’t expect anything, please. You’ll be disappointed”

“You could never disappoint me” 

»»————-

Your days unfolded with a slow pace, summer fading away into the months of autumn. 

You found solace in your friends — in movie nights with Minho, in spending time with Yeonjun before he had to go back to work. After all, there was only so long he could be on vacation for. He had to go back to where he belonged. 

It was easier to not miss Hyunjin when you were occupied, busy with your endless shifts, navigating between finding time to paint but also to enjoy the leftovers of summer. 

The night they finished recording the album, Hyunjin called you drunk.

You’d seen him tipsy on a few occasions, but never like this.

He was laughing about something when you picked up, talking to other people at the party. The background was loud, and you struggle to hear anything. 

“Hyun?” 

“Guess what?” He asked you.

“What?”

“We finished the album. Like, for real. Every track is actually ready” He announced, and you hear a cacophony of sounds in the background, “We’re at my manager’s apartment, all of us, and the whole crew. It feels so fucking good”

“Congratulations” You smile, “That’s…really cool”

“Jisung made me drink…far too much” He giggled, “I liked the wine though, Chan found it in this cool store but then me and Binnie…we did body shots, and guess what? Chan fucking did body shots too! It was so insane. He also invited the girl from the art gallery, which is so funny. Apparently, she has connections in our industry too. She’s the daughter of --” 

“Wait, you did body shots?” You interrupted him, not really wanting to hear about the very successful artist prodigy girl in his life.

“It was insane. Just like Seungmin told us”

You could tell he was walking around the room, because he’d randomly trail off and talk to someone.

The more he rambled on the other side of the phone, the more you wished you were by his side. He must be standing near the speakers, because suddenly his voice would get drowned out by the music.

“I…can’t hear you, Hyun” You spoke, snuggling into your blanket. 

Your bed was the stark contrast of where he was right now; in a room full of pounding music, and you wondered what kind of parties they even had, or how wild they were. If they did body shots, they must already be pretty wild.

“Sorry” He apologised, walking off to a quieter area, “Can you hear me now?”

“Yeah, I can”

“Fuck. I miss you so fucking much” He suddenly mumbled, voice dropping, “Why aren’t you here?”

“I miss you too” Your heart squeezed, “But you should get back to the party—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that Y/N?” A loud voice interrupted, and you heard a loud struggle on the other end, making you pull back from the phone.

“Give me the phone back, Changbin!” Hyunjin yelled.

You sat up in bed, “Hello?”

“Hey!” Changbin’s voice was louder than you expected, and he sounded really drunk too, “You must be the girl who stole him away from us for months and months. I have every reason to hate you”

“Stop!” Hyunjin spoke in the background, “Don’t announce it to the entire party”

“Now you’ve taken him back though” You replied to Changbin.

“Eh, you’re right” He laughed, “So tell me, on a scale of 1 to 10—”

“Changbin, give me my phone back!” Hyunjin sounded exasperated, and you could imagine them running after each other.

“Let me finish!” He groaned, and then his voice became clearer again, “On a scale of 1-10, how big of a dumbass is Hwang Hyunjin for—?”

“Fuck. Is that her?” Another person interrupted in the background, and you felt overwhelmed by the multitude of voices. 

“Jisung, can you please ask him to give me my phone back?” Hyunjin sounded annoyed now, voice further.

“I’m sorry, this prick won’t let me talk to you for five whole minutes!” Changbin apologised, and you’d never met him but his energy seemed exactly like you’d imagined.

Still, you could hear Jisung in the background, struggling after the phone, and it made you feel special. They were miles away at a fucking album party, but gave their attention to you.

“Is that Hyunjin’s girlfriend?”

Your eyes widened at the word.

Hyunjin’s frustrated drawl interrupted, further away from the speaker but you still heard it, “Stop, Jisung. She’s just my friend. How many times do I have to say that, and don’t announce it to the party!”

Your smile faded, stupidly. He was right. 

“Then I can have her?” Changbin interrupted.

There was another scuffle, until Hyunjin was at the phone again, “Hey, I’m so sorry. They…took you hostage”

A breathy chuckle followed, drowned out by his friends laughs in the background.

“That’s okay. Don’t worry about it” You fiddled with your blanket, “You should enjoy the party, Hyun”

“No, no, I called you because I missed you”

“I can’t really even hear you” You spoke, “We can just talk tomorrow. Please just have a good time tonight, okay?”

“All right. I’ll call you later” Hyunjin spoke, like he was distracted by someone.

“Who are you talking to you?” An unknown voice interrupted, and you guessed they were probably talking to Hyunjin.

And you heard Hyunjin mumble, “Nobody” before he hung up.

You laid back in bed, and it was too quiet, and you felt lonelier than ever.

»»————-

Fallen leaves drifted in the pool, from the canopy up above. One drifts towards you, and you picked it up in your hands, watching the water seep through the half-eaten leaf. It’s orange.

“The leaves are already changing color…or is it just me?”

“It’s just you” Minho answered, and you roll your eyes.

“What are you doing here all by yourself?” He asked, swimming over to you, “The rest of the party is over there”

“I’m not really interested in playing” You told him, looking over to where everyone indulged in a pool volleyball game.

“So you’re out here looking at leaves. God, I’m lucky to be your best friend”

“Shut up” You shove him, and he laughs, falling into the water.

As soon as he resurfaces, he splashes you.

“Don’t be annoying, Minho” You mumbled, rubbing the saltwater out from your eyes.

“You’re no fun” He grumbles, and lays on his back to float in the water.

You stare at the leaves floating around you again, drifting into a pattern, and a sole flower is in between them. A dahlia.

“Can’t believe summer is almost over” You remark.

“You sure made the most of it though, Y/N” He smiled, eyes squinting against the bright overhead sun. You don’t respond, and he lifts his head to look at you.

“What?” He asked, “You can’t deny that it’s the most eventful summer we’ve ever had”

You peered down at your nails, the paint was chipping off, “Right. Losing my best friends sure is memorable”

“You didn’t lose them, Y/N”

You gestured to the space around you, that usually would be occupied by Hana or Felix, “I don’t see them here”

Minho sighed, swimming closer to you, “What’s got you in such a mood?”

You shook your head, feeling silly for feeling this way, “Nothing” 

He rolled his eyes, “Tell me”

You sighed, fixing the straps of your bikini to avoid looking him in the eye, “Hana tried to talk to me a few days ago. She wanted to fix things, but I didn’t. Does that make me a horrible person?”

“Do you feel like a horrible person?”

You looked up at him, “No. I…chose my peace over another fight. I think I made the right decision”

“You knew the answer to that already, Y/N. Then what is bothering you?”

“Fine. Hyunjin called me last night, from the release party” 

“And that’s a bad thing…why?”

“Not really, I guess it put things into perspective. He’s…out there being successful and celebrating that success, and I’m here, doing absolutely nothing.”

“You’re at a pool party with me. That’s not nothing”

“You know what I mean” You sighed, leaning against the pool wall, “He’s probably even going to display his stuff at an art gallery soon. Some girl fell in love with his art…and he’s always busy…in a totally insane location, or doing something so fucking cool, and I’m in the stupid art shop”

His texts have been less than frequent. You understand, because he’s swamped with work. The press tour has been underway for a week now, and if he wasn’t at some fancy magazine building, he was probably holed up in the studio for re-recordings. There’s still time till the album's release, and if you know anything about the band, they’re perfectionists. They’ll work themselves to the bone, till the end.

“Well, yeah. He’s…an idol, with a crazy fucking life. You’re living a normal life. He would probably give everything to exchange places with you, and not have anything to do”

“I guess you’re right” You realised, and you glance up to see Yeonjun.

He’s laughing loudly, sunglasses on his head, as he throws the ball to the other team. He’s leaving soon, and this pool party is a going away gift. After all, he’s the only one of your friends with a pool. Yeonjun looks happy, and beautiful in the sun. It was low-key, exactly like Yeonjun wanted it, and you’re so glad Minho and him are on talking terms again.

“And I don’t believe you. That’s not why you’re upset” Minho spoke, blocking the boy from your view.

“Why can’t you just take my word for it?”

“Because I know when you’re lying to me. So tell me, what’s got you being so bitchy to your only friend within 35 miles?”

“Ouch!” He yelled, when you pushed him again.

“Stop being a smartass”

“You’ve been floating on cloud nine the past few weeks, what’s wrong now?”

You stare back at Yeonjun, as he dives to retrieve his sunglasses, and his other friends are teasing him.

“I never told you but I applied to an apprenticeship in the city” You blurted.

Minho’s eyebrows shot up, “What? Today?”

“No…a few months ago. At the start of summer” 

His brows were furrowed, confused, “Oh”

“That’s kind of why I’ve been working all these jobs…so I could save up one day and move to the city”

He swam closer to you, “Why are you telling me this now?”

You shrugged, and the water feels nice and calm around you, “I thought you’d hate me for it”

He’s quiet for a few minutes, “That’s not true. I’d like to think I’ve grown from when Yeonjun left. I mean I’m at his party right now. Isn’t that saying a lot?”

You smiled at him, “That’s probably why I’m telling you now”

Minho laughed, “So did you get it?”

“Nope” You sighed, “I wasn’t good enough for it”

“What, so you’ve given up already?”

You frowned, “No, but I’m still waiting on them to hear back. I contacted them again regarding my application”

Minho smiled, “Hyunjin knows, right?”

“Yeah”

“Of course he knows. You tell him literally everything. I’m gonna have to fight him one day”

You laughed, “I’d pay to see that”

He reaches forward, picking out a leaf stuck in your hair, “You really miss him, huh?”

“I hate texting him. It’s so impersonal and distant”

“Have you video-called him?”

You sighed, “Through my shitty computer screen, yeah”

“I think you need a vacation, Y/N” He laughs.

“I’ve been on vacation, like for months”

“No, I mean a vacation, away from your job, away from Daejon. Just go see him”

Your eyes widen and you looked at him, “Isn’t that a bit crazy? I mean, we’re not dating”

He rolled his eyes, leaning back in to float, “The day you stop worrying about what other people think, is the day you’ll live a much better life, Y/N”

He then begins talking about other things, but his words stick in your head, and an idea begins to form.

»»————-

You help Yeonjun pack, and on his last night in town, you sit on his couch again, talking about everything that was. He tells you of his consistent fights with Hana, and his efforts to rekindle their relationship which went in vain. It’s strange to think he came back to town, just to make things right with her.

He tells you that him and Hana have grown apart, and perhaps they were never meant to be together. 

He says that he’s letting Hana go, and it’s a bittersweet moment which you drink to. 

You think nothing could make you let go of Hyunjin.

When you get really tipsy, you fantasise of him even more, and scroll back through your chats, reading his old texts, smiling to yourself. Yeonjun catches you, and calls you a hopeless romantic, and you’ve never thought of yourself that way, but it rings true. 

You both lay in bed, and you talk until he has to go, and you realise how much you hate goodbyes.

»»————-

The next time Hyunjin texted you, you were sat at the steps of the art shop, waiting for the rain to pass. 

hyun

hey

sorry ive been filming all day

you

ohh, what have you been filming?

didn’t the album recording finish last week?

hyun

ah no the press tour is still left 

you

oh right, sorry I have no idea how this stuff works lol

hyun

right now we’re doing some promo content for a teen magazine 

after this we still need to go to a music video shoot

It’s for an american talk show

isn’t that crazy?

you

wow…

you’re going to be so popular

but i hope you can get some sleep

hyun

we’re filming till 4 am tonight

i doubt it

what are you up to?

you

um im stuck at aeras because of the rain :/

i always forget to carry an umbrella

hyun

you miss me?

You stared at the text, tears inexplicably filling your eyes, and you don’t know why.

It had only been a few weeks since he was gone, yet it felt like he was drifting away.

Of course you missed him.

You missed him an insane amount, and ever since he’d been gone, you’d been going through the motions of daily life, not even really enjoying anything.

He was so far away. 

You’d tried to not let the sadness overtake you, because it was silly and childish.

You missed his calming voice, and his hand in yours, and the taut string of tension between you every time you met.

You missed the uncertainty of Hyunjin.

The not-knowing.

With him, you could never tell. It could be a mundane afternoon, until it wasn’t. Until his hands were around you, and you were kissing, and you knew it was so wrong to be attached to that.

Your phone buzzed, and he was calling you, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Hey” You mumbled, your voice softer and shakier than you intended.

“Is everything okay…?”

“Yeah” You swallowed, “Sorry, I was just about to reply”

“No, don’t worry. I just got worried. I thought—” He trailed off.

“What did you think?”

“I thought I crossed a boundary…or something”

You paused, trying to comprehend his words. All he’d done was ask you if you missed him. How could that be a boundary when you and Hyunjin had said so much more? Done so much more? 

Was missing each other not even okay anymore? Was it too much for him?

Another sob threatened to break at the implication.

“Y/N? Are you still there?” He asked, voice soft and calm, not knowing the storm it brewed inside you.

You mumbled, “Yes, I’m here”

“Okay” He spoke, letting you breathe.

“I’m sorry, I just…I guess I miss you more than I thought I would” You admitted, hoping it wouldn’t be too much for him. That it wouldn’t push him away.

“Oh” 

“Yeah”

“I…miss you too, Y/N” 

It calmed your racing heart.

“I wish I could see you” You fumbled through the words, “It’d make me feel so much…better”

Hyunjin was quiet for a while, “I’m sorry”

“It’s…not your fault” A smile graced your lips, because he had no reason to apologise for your lives being so separate from each other.

“It is. I’m sorry I’ve been away…I got really caught up with everything here. Seeing my friends again, having this life back, it was more overwhelming than I thought. But don’t worry…I’m doing really well here”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been painting a lot more when I’m free, or when I’ve had a horrible day”

Your heart clenched at his tone, and the implication that it was only a few weeks since he was gone but he’d already had multiple horrible days. 

“Yeah? I’m glad it helps. That means…coming home wasn’t a waste”

“A waste?” He repeated, confused, “Why would you say that?”

You pulled at your laces, watching the rain fall at your footsteps, “Nothing, Hyunjin. It doesn’t matter”

“You seem…upset. Did I say something wrong?”

You pulled your knees up to your chest, away from the pitter patter of the drops, “I told you. I really wish you were here. I know it’s impossible”

“Yeah…”

“This morning, I was watching the news…about Jisung’s trial. How’s it going?”

“It’s…okay. He’s so tired already, he kind of just wants to settle but the company lawyers are pushing for more”

“I’m sorry. That sounds so exhausting” You bite your lip, because their lives are already as stressful as they could get, and this legal battle plays in the backdrop like a nuisance.

“They’re also restricting a lot of shit for us. We have to be careful each time we step out in public, and Jisung even has to monitor every phone call…same with Chan and Kairi”

“How long is it going to last?”

“Hopefully not too long, but anyway, that’s not important right now at all. You sound upset. How are you?” He asks, voice becoming softer all of a sudden.

You fear you’re going to sound like a broken record if you tell him you miss him again. These days you seem to fill all your silences with just those words. Would he get sick of hearing them? Is this how long distance relationships are like? Endlessly telling each other you miss them, but never being able to do anything about it.

Instead, you end up saying something absolutely crazy, “Hyun, can I come see you?”

You don’t intend for the words to leave your brain, much less your mouth. In fact, you didn’t even know you were going to say them. You haven’t had time to plan, but Minho’s conversation rings through you. You’ve been saving up to go to Seoul your whole life. You can spare a vacation. It would be worth it if it means you see him.

Hyunjin is quiet, and then he breaks the silence with a chuckle, “W-what?”

“Um, sorry that sounds out of nowhere. I just…I really want to meet you. I miss you, and it sounds like you’re going through a lot. Maybe it’ll help” You trail off, leaving the suggestion up in the air.

“I…I’m not sure, Y/N”

You nod, because it is crazy, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Fuck, I’m so sorry but I…I don’t think I can meet you. Right now, with everything that’s going on, I honestly don’t have the time and…” He trails off.

You nod again, “Yeah. I understand”

“I’m sorry”

“It’s okay. It’s bad timing”

“It’s bad timing” He repeats, yet his tone is definitive and final.

You can’t seem to see a time in the future which would get better. After the album release, he was going to go on a press tour, and then start preparing for the next album, the music videos, the solo photoshoots…the world tour.

Hyunjin was never going to have time for this, and your throat becomes clogged with a broken dream.

He sighed, softly, “How are you going to get home then, if it’s raining?”

“I’ll wait it out”

“What if it rains till morning?”

You smiled, your silence saying enough.

“I’ll stay with you” He says.

Your brows shot up, “What? Don’t you have…a schedule or an interview to get to?”

His voice came in softly, “It doesn’t matter. I’ll stay with you, till the rain ends”

Now, you wished it would never end.

»»————-

The incessant abuse of your doorbell woke you up. It had been pressed countless times, and it was half past nine. 

Why the hell would anybody come to see you this early?

Last night, Hyunjin had stayed on the call as you’d walked home by yourself. You didn’t talk the whole way, of course. In between, he would be quiet, and you’d only hear the rustling of papers and his pencil as he sketched away in his condominium. You’d hear his breaths, and occasionally, he’d say something. 

In moments like this, he was a man of few words. You appreciated that, because it was nice, to just exist with him. Although, you were slightly embarrassed at how many times you told him you missed him.

Turning over in your bed, you pushed the pillow over your head to make the noise disappear. 

A buzzing of your phone, followed by another short bursts of the doorbell made you sit up.

Who could be here to see you, so urgently, and so fucking impatiently?

“What the hell” You mumbled, getting out of bed, and rushing barefoot on the cold tiles, to answer, and in your sleepy daze you hoped it was him. That by some miracle, Hyunjin had heard your wishes and come to see you.

On the other side of the door, with bagels in hand, stood Felix. 

A hood pulled over his head to protect from the rain, he certainly looked a vision. 

Your sleep disappeared, in lieu of confusion, “Yongbok?”

He smiled, perfect teeth on display, “Morning. I…see that you were still asleep”

You hugged yourself, realising how exposed you were in your sleep shorts and tank. Although that had never been a problem around him before, “I mean yeah…it’s barely ten”

He cocked his head, “It’s almost noon”

“What?” Your heart dropped, “You’re kidding me”

“I’m really not” He laughed, and then said, “Are you going to let me in? It’s freezing out here”

You realised he was standing in the pouring rain, and you stepped back, “Oh, of course”

You still didn’t know what he was doing here, but years of friendship fell back into place and you let him in.

He pulled the hood off, shaking his hair to get the water out, and looked apologetic, “Sorry, I just showed up. I did try texting you, and I thought you’d be awake”

“I got in late last night” You told him, still standing against your open door, watching Felix in your foyer.

“Oh, were you stuck because of the rain? You could have called me, I’d have come picked you up” 

“No, that’s okay. I was on a call”

Realisation crossed his features, “Right. How is he?”

Slight irritation coursed through you, “I didn’t say it was him”

Felix nodded, looking genuinely apologetic, “Sorry. My mistake.”

But of course, he was right because it was Hyunjin you were talking to, but you wouldn’t admit that now, and you held back a groan. 

His eyes flickered over your body, “Why are you still standing at the door? You’ll catch a cold”

“What are you doing here?” You hugged yourself tighter, well-aware that you didn’t even have a bra on, “The last time I saw you, you said you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore”

His eyebrows shot up, and he stared at you.

For a second, you did regret it. It was too early to fight. It was too beautiful a morning for this.

Until he laughed, nervously, “Um…that’s not what I meant. Is that what you got from it?”

You frowned, “What?”

He shook his head, “Um, I guess I really didn’t get the point across. I thought you understood me that night. Isn’t that why you’re avoiding me?”

Your head hurt, “I’m not avoiding you…You’re confusing me, Felix. It’s too early for this”

“I’m sorry, you’re right. Hey, look, why don’t you get dressed, and take a shower, and I can make us some coffee…and heat up these bagels by then? After that, maybe we could talk?”

“Talk about what?”

You couldn’t understand him.

“About everything. I realise I’ve been apologising for my actions, but never really explaining why I acted that way this whole time”

But he had been your friend your entire life…so you would hear him out now.

»»————-

He sat at your breakfast table, warm bagels laid out across a plate, with two hot cups of coffee.

You sat across him, pulling your feet up, eyeing his movements.

It wasn’t alien to you…this kindness of his. He had done this countless times before, showed up at your house uninvited, but this time was different, of course.

“I really am sorry for waking you up. I genuinely thought you’d be awake, I thought you had a shift at Aera’s”

“I haven’t had a shift at Aera’s on Tuesday, ever” You responded.

“Oh” He laughed, “Maybe I should have memorised your work schedule back when you started working there…I guess I always assumed it was a temporary job”

You bit into a bagel, unable to hold back your hunger, and it instantly melted in your mouth. A rush of endorphins flooded through you, and you sat back for a minute, letting the taste sit with you, letting your body wake up.

Felix watched you, a soft smile on his face, “You like them?”

“You didn’t have to bake these for me” You spoke, staring at your feet, perched on the chair.

“But I did” He reached his hand out, across the table, “How are you doing?”

You glanced up at him, “I’m…fine”

He frowned, “Your eyes are all swollen. I know what that means”

You pulled your hand back from his, “It’s nothing. I’m just tired of summer”

He sat back, eyebrows raised, “Those are words I never thought I’d hear from you”

“Well…you won’t really understand, Lix”

He slid the cup of coffee towards you, “Try me” 

You stared at him, eyes flickering between his, and then reached forward for the cup, “I don’t know. I feel tired of everything lately. I don’t really want to make an effort to go out. I go to work, and back, and so on. It’s kind of a futile existence”

“I go to the Creek every night. You can come with me”

You hugged yourself, “Yeah, but I just feel like there’s more I should be doing”

His tongue poked his cheek, “You mean…that art apprenticeship” 

You glanced up at him, heart heavy, “I lost that”

“I’m sorry. You could have told me, you know?”

You’ve been hearing that a lot recently, but you know keeping it a secret was the only way it could have worked. He said he would have understood, but you knew him better than that.

“I was afraid of losing you, but…” You laughed, “That happened anyway”

He shook his head, pulling his chair closer to yours, “At the drive-in theatre, when I said I didn’t want us to be friends again…I didn’t mean it like that. There was more I wanted to say, which I couldn’t”

“Wow, you’re really getting right to it”

He laughed, “What? So, would you prefer we talk about nonsense for another hour? I know why I’m here, I’d feel better if you know too”

You weren’t sure you wanted to hear this, but you nodded, “Keep going”

“I guess what I wanted to say was…” He paused, and when your eyes met his, you realised he was actually nervous.

“Yeah?”

His eyes squeezed shut, and then opened, “I was really fucking jealous”

“Of…what?”

He laughed, a sound you’d loved all these years, “Of…Hyunjin. Obviously. Who else?”

“Felix…we talked about this. You have nothing to be jealous about. Just because he’s in my life now, does not mean you can’t be”

He laughed, “No, that’s not what I’m jealous of. I don’t really care if he’s in your life”

“Then what?” 

He sighed, leaning forward, and this angle put him in the path of sunlight. It lit up his face, highlighting the freckles splashed across his nose bridge, and his cheeks, and you saw his lips part to form the words, “You love him.”

Confusion arising, you frowned, “Felix—”

“Let me finish” He laughed, “It’s…been obvious for months”

You were embarrassed, to say the least.

He tilt his head, “Has it not been obvious to you?” 

Your face flushed, from the frustration and the embarrassment, “What, my feelings for him?”

“No. My feelings for you"

He said it so simply.

So fucking simple, and you couldn’t even react.

You sat there, looking at him.

Putting together his words in your mind. Again. And Again.

You misheard him. You had to.

“Yongbok”

“It is what you think it is” He paused, “I really thought that you knew”

“You…” A nervous laugh escaped you, and it wasn’t your proudest moment, “You have feelings for me? You’re fucking with me, right?”

You wanted to ask why. But you didn’t.

“Since when?”

“I don’t know” He leaned back, “I…didn’t really realise it until, well, this summer”

“Oh”

“Yeah” He swallowed, “But I know that you don’t feel the same, and I was acting stupid. It was dumb of me”

You stared at him and don’t know how you didn’t realise this. How did you not put two and two together? You felt so fucking dumb for missing all the hints, and all the clues. 

“Yongbok. I…um, I don’t know what to say. Sorry, I’m just…overwhelmed and confused”

"You don’t have to say anything” He laughed, “You’re like…my best friend in the fucking universe. I know that doesn’t sound like much, because I mean, we’re twenty and best friends makes it sound like we’re in elementary, but it’s true. You’re literally the most consistent person in my life, and I’m always fucking happy around you. Not just happy, but at peace. I’m happy with Hana, and Minho, and Eunbi too, but with you, it’s like I’m home.”

You couldn’t look him in the eye, “Felix…”

“I’m sorry for all the times I yelled at you. I’m fucking terrible at holding back my frustration, and I was still navigating my…emotions. I could lie and say I never meant to hurt you when we had all those arguments, but I did. I did want you to feel the kind of hurt I did. That’s probably the biggest red flag” He laughed, “But holy shit, Y/N, you have no idea what it took for me to tell you this. With him being here, I just couldn’t because that’s so fucking cliche, it’d be like I was asking you to choose”

You stared at him, uncomfortable, unable to comprehend the extent of his words, “You should have told me”

“I’m telling you now. I know it’s awkward for you, but I have nothing to lose” He chuckled, “I’m not asking you out, or anything. I just want you to know because it was driving me crazy keeping it to myself. In fact, I was never planning to tell you, but the night of my birthday party, during that stupid spin the bottle game, when we kissed, I thought you felt the same”

You remembered the kiss. 

It had surprised you how much you liked it.

“I mean, you’re a really good kisser” You admitted, picking from crumbs from the bagel.

He laughed, “Am I?”

“Yeah” 

“I try” He smirked, and you know he was trying to lighten the mood. It was so typical of him to make jokes out of an awkward situation, “You’re a really good kisser too. I know after the party, I gave you a 7.5 on the kissing scale, but…I was obviously kidding”

You looked up at him, “Really?”

He nodded, still smiling, “I’m sure Hyunjin would agree with me”

Just like that, the bubble popped.

Your smile fell.

“Sorry” He apologised, “You guys have kissed, right?”

“Yeah”

“And he still went back to Seoul?” He laughed, “Man, being an idol really sucks”

“Yongbok…”

“Okay” He laughed, “I’m sorry. I was just trying to make you laugh”

You didn’t know what this was, or what to make of it.

What are you supposed to say that? You felt an obligation, to return his feelings, despite all the arguments you had in the recent months, you wish you could return them. 

You didn’t want to be the one breaking his heart, or anybody’s. 

Is this how Hyunjin would feel if you’d told him you loved him? 

Would you have also lightened your inevitable rejection by stupid humour? 

You don’t know what you can possibly say to Yongbok, to make things okay.

So later, when he’s helping you wash the cups, foam-filled hands, you ask him, “Are you going to be okay?”

Yongbok looks up at you, a soft smile on his features, and you again realise how beautiful he looked in the sunlight. His skin is lit up, a kindness in his eyes has returned, like a weight was lifted off his shoulders, and he tells you he’s okay.

He tells you not to worry, and that you owe him nothing. He then dips his hand in the foamy sink, reaching up to smear some on your nose, a childlike laughter filling your kitchen.

You wonder if you would feel the same relief, if you confessed the truth to Hyunjin.

»»————-

Your phone rings later that evening, and it’s Hyunjin.

He asks you if you’re okay, and if you’re better than you were yesterday.

You were on the brink of tears last night.

Today, you are better.

Yongbok’s words come back to you, and you wonder why you don’t love him. It sure would have made everything a little easier. 

Everything makes sense now, the way he’s been acting all summer, his behaviour around Hyunjin, and you feel a little stupid for being so oblivious to it.

When you drift off into thought, Hyunjin asked you again, if you were okay.

“I met Yongbok” You responded.

His voice lit up, at your rekindled friendship, “Yeah? What did you guys do?”

You tell him about the bagels, and the coffee, and because you can never keep anything from Hyunjin, you end up blurting, “He told me he loves me. That he has his entire life”

You don’t know why you say it. You’re looking for a reaction. Or for consolation.

But Hyunjin is quiet on the other end, and he doesn’t say much for the rest of the night, and you wonder if you should have just kept it to yourself.

»»————-

Hyunjin doesn’t call you the next day, or the next, or the one after that. 

You try to distract yourself, stealing away work hours into painting. 

Each brushstroke soothed you, and you pour out your emotions. 

Unrequited love is a bitch, and you feel guilty every time you see Felix, but he’s more than okay. You can’t imagine being the same. 

Your paintings end up all looking really sad. They make you feel sad when you look at them, and you realise you’re only painting of longing.

Hyunjin finally texts you.

It’s only to tell you that Chan and Kairi broke up.

He doesn’t say much more, but he doesn’t have to.

You knew what they meant to them, and perhaps this breakup impacted him more than them.

You go back to painting your solitude. 

It’s calming, under the glow of your lamp, tucked in a corner of your room, you lose yourself in your art. 

Autumn is closer than it was yesterday, and it makes you sad. Summer is further away in your past now, and so is he.

Hyunjin’s texts get less frequent, as the days go by.

You feel obsessive, you feel just a little crazy.

You feel like a teenage girl waiting for her crush to call back.

Your heart breaks a little more with each hour that he doesn’t call.

You’re worried all the time, if he was okay.

You read about the scandals on the news, and the rumours on the internet, and some of them involve him but most of them involve Jisung. 

Yeonjun keeps you updated on the trial, and all the press outlets that Jisung has sued. 

Hyunjin doesn’t have space in his life for a relationship, but as days pass, it feels like he doesn’t for a friendship either.

hyun

hey yn

im so sorry

i’ve had a horrible schedule the past few days

they’re really trying to make up for everything I missed

i haven’t been sleeping much and i just…haven’t got much time on my phone

my managers have been really strict

they limit my activities on there

but don’t worry im okay

i spend most of my time in the studio

i miss you too. a lot

His replies soothe you, more than your own art ever could. 

You fall into a habit. You check the news each morning, even before your first sip of coffee, worried if he’s okay.

Hyunjin keeps telling you he’s fine, and you force yourself to believe him.

He sends you pictures of his art, and you notice how much he’s improved. He’s using all of the techniques you taught him. He’s painting about all of his days in your hometown.

Other nights, you don’t hear from him at all.

You feel it falling apart, and your heart breaks.

One day, he asks you about Yongbok again. 

You question if you should never have told him about the confession.

»»————-

The day his album releases, you listen to it before anybody in the world, or at least you’d like to believe so. 

It’s beautiful, and it’s raw. It’s a mix of every genre you can imagine. Hyunjin sings about love like he’s been in it. The album is more beautiful than you could anticipate, and you can already see the headlines surrounding it’s success.

Felix takes you to a store in Samhae, so you can purchase it for yourself, and when you find yourself in a line of twenty girls talking about him, you feel like fighting them.

You borrow Yuqi’s car, so you can push the CD into the stereo, and hear it before you can even get home.

The music Hyunjin makes is beautiful as him, and you hear the vocal fry, and the cadence he speaks with, and you fall in love with him even more.

It feels like cheating, as Felix sits in the passenger seat, listening to the same songs.

You wanted to ask him what he thinks of the album, but you hold back.

When you got home, you sat in the darkness of your room, and listened to it again, just by yourself. 

You called him to tell him what you think of it, but he’s at a party and he has no time for this. 

So you end up keeping your thoughts just to yourself. 

»»————-

You stared at the letter mail within your hands.

It arrived a few days ago, but you hadn’t noticed it until now.

It had been lying in your mailbox, gathering dust, and you stood on the sidewalk, wondering how you the hell you missed it.

It was from the city.

Your heart dropped into your gut, as you ripped open the envelope, making sure not to damage the contents inside.

You took a deep breath.

Holy shit.

It was going to be a rejection.

It had to be.

You stood absolutely still on the pavement, unfolding the letter. It’s so thin you’re afraid you’re going to rip it.

You can’t read this alone. You wish Hyunjin would here, it’d probably feel less scary.

But you can’t wait either. You need to know now.

You scanned the paper, yet your brain couldn’t comprehend the sentences, and skipped forward, registering only certain words. Like a record skipping.

A word stands out to you.

Congratulations.

And then you go back to the start of the letter, trying to make sense of what you just read, but your heart is already beating out of your chest and you think you’re going to pass out.

Congratulations.

Kim Jieong would be honoured to have you join him as an apprentice for his Fall Program in Painting at the Atelier of the Arts in Seoul, South Korea.

You reread the words until they were seared into your mind, and into your heart.

You read them until the paper became wet with droplets, and you realise you were crying. 

On the side of the sidewalk. 

Then you read them again.

You folded the piece of paper into your pocket, and you texted the boy you loved.

hyunjin!

when can i call you?

i have something to tell you

it’s really important

You wait for his answer, but your message doesn’t deliver.

So you sat down on your front porch, trying to calm your heart but you’re bursting with excitement and anticipation. You’ve already texted Felix and Minho, but you’re only waiting for one person’s reaction.

You need to tell him now. 

He could be busy. He could be at work, or in bed, but you don’t care.

He has to be the first to know.

You find yourself dialling his number, and your hands are shaking, and your heart is trembling.

Hyunjin doesn’t pick up.

And you’re met with an unfamiliar message.

“We're sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”

»»————-

THREE MONTHS LATER

»»————-

“Take my hand if you don’t wanna fall” 

You looked up, and Felix is smiling down at you, the sun a halo around his head.

He’s got pink skates on, and it suits him. 

The brightness of them stands out in the park.

“You’re awfully confident for someone who’s fallen over…thrice now?” Minho laughs, coming to stand next to you, arms on his hips.

“I’ll be fine, Lix” You smiled, tightening the laces of your roller-skates.

“Let me at least help you up” He insisted.

You nodned, letting him take your hand and pull you up. You’re inches from him when you stand up, and he smiled at you.

“See you at the rink in a few?” He tilt his head.

“I’ll see you, Lix”

He let go of your hand, and you miss the steadiness it gave you, but almost instantly Minho comes to your side. With a hand on your back, he leads you to the rink. You’re still getting used to these roller-skates, and you’ve fallen over more than you’d liked.

“Aren’t you glad I dragged you out here?” He nudged you.

“Sure” You smiled at him, trying to match his pace. 

It’s a beautiful day at the park. There’s a harvest festival, where Felix bobbed for apples, and you cheered for him. Then Minho forced you all onto the rink, bringing you a new pair of skates since you couldn’t find your old ones. As you skated around the park with your friends, it almost feels like the old days.

The leaves had changed color.

The days were shorter now, and the sun hung low in the sky, the temperature dropping to single digits.

With the onset of fall, you stopped swimming in the Creek, and the fireflies disappeared, and you never left the house without a cardigan anymore. 

Aera’s kept you busy, and so did the weekends at The Château. You and Seungmin grew even closer, and you found joy in interacting with travelling tourists, searching for artistic pursuits and adventure in your little town. 

Felix explored his love for baking with you, and you recreated everything in his recipe book… except for the strawberry streusels. Yeonjun consistently kept in touch with, and told you of his life in the city, the drama in his workplace, and about the cute new girl that sat across him at work. 

You fell in love with the palette of autumn, and all your artworks became tinged with shades of orange and red. All of your sweaters became tainted with paint splatters, and the walls of your room became full with your memories of the summer.

“Are you going to take these with you? I bought them for you, full-price mind you” Minho asked you.

You sighed, “I don’t know”

“There has to be places in Seoul to skate in” He thought, and grabbed your hand so you can speed up. You smiled, feeling the wind on your face, desperately trying to not lose your balance.

“I don’t think I have space in my suitcase” You told him, as he stopped. 

Felix is on the other side, and he’s smiling at you. He looks cute, and he’s with his sister. She’s in matching pink rollerblades, and Felix has spent more than an hour teaching her how to skate.

There’s a couple next to them, and they’re holding hands and skating, and they keep kissing, and your chest hurts with the thought of him.

You haven’t been able to talk to him in months…

He doesn’t even know you got into the program.

His number changed, and he closed all of private social media.

“Hey?” Minho said, turning your head to look at him, and he can read your mind, “You’ll find him once you get to the city, it’s only a matter of time”

You frowned, “How? I don’t even know where he lives…I don’t even know if he’s okay”

“Well, you obviously know he’s alive” Minho joked, “He looks pretty good in all the interviews they did”

“I’m just worried about him” You mumbled, “It feels weird to go this long without hearing from him”

“It’s probably something with the company. Hyunjin told you how controlling they were, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, but…he’s not a kid. How can they control this shit in his life?”

You’ve had this same conversation millions of times before, over the past three months, but you still can’t understand what happened. You had tried every way to get in touch with him, but with how famous he was right now…it was impossible.

It’s not even like you can go to Facebook and add him as a fucking friend. 

“I can ask Felix to try” Minho asked.

“No” You insist, “It’s not gonna make a difference. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ll see him soon”

You can’t help but have hope. At the beginning, you were worried, and then you were angry but now you’re just confused. You know he’d never change his contact information without telling you, or even Minho, or Seungmin. 

Something went wrong.

A huge reason you’re excited to go to Seoul, is so you can finally meet him, and know what happened, how he’s been, and if he’s okay.

You heard Felix call out to you.

“Wait, Y/N” Minho grabbed your arm, “I’m sure he’s even more upset than you”

Over the past few months, Minho has discussed all of his theories with you, about what could have happened. He’s so sure, that Hyunjin’s company is involved. You want to believe him, because there’s no way Hyunjin would do this.

“What are you two gossiping about?” Felix asked, skating over to you, and from where you stand, he really looked like a fairy, long hair blowing in the wind.

“Nothing important” You smiled at him, “Wanna skate with me now?”

“Always” He grinned. You let him take your hand, and pull you around the rink, guiding you through groups of friends, children and couples. 

“What are you wearing to the party tonight?” He asks, after a while, and his hand landed on your waist, helping you balance.

“Whatever outfit I haven’t packed” You admitted, honestly.

“Come on, you’re the star of the night” He spun in front of you, “You should wear the blue dress, the one you wore to Yeonjun’s party last year”

Tonight is the going away party that Minho is throwing for you. You can’t believe it’s already time. You leave tomorrow.

Everything has been building up to this, and you’re so excited, you think you could burst. You’re anxious too, because everything has to go right, it’s only what you’ve been dreaming about.

Your acceptance letter is tucked into a book, and it feels like only yesterday that you found out, but it’s already been months.

The night you got accepted, Felix baked you a chocolate cake. You were too shaken up, and confused about the fact that you couldn’t get through to Hyunjin, but you had to celebrate.

Felix… distracts you from all your worries. You’re grateful for his company.

“I don’t want to be the star” You told him.

Felix rolled his eyes, “You deserve it, love, and you have no choice”

You had been anxious about Hyunjin for months, confused, and heartbroken, but you have bigger things to worry about.

The program starts in a week, and you don’t have enough time to prepare.

Yet, you’ve been preparing for it all your life.

The money you’ve saved up happens to just be enough for a studio apartment, and Yeonjun helped you find a place in a busy neighbourhood.

Not that it mattered.

You would sleep in the subway if you had to, if it means you’ll get to learn from The Kim Jieong. The artist you’ve looked up to all your life, your inspiration, your muse, and your everything.

Later that night, Minho helped you pack, and you take only what you need. You can’t afford to leave your supplies at home, like he did, so you packed all of them. You keep aside the tattered brushes, because the city kids would definitely disapprove. 

Your suitcase filled up quickly, with an array of watercolours, and acrylics, and pastels, and you compromised on your clothes.

You only pack your favourite coat, and your dark sweaters, and the skirts you didn’t wear here yet.

The going away party is small, and you love and hate every part of it. You wear the blue dress Felix wanted you to. Everybody there tells you you’ll do well, and you wonder if any of them secretly resent you, if they think you’re another person who gave into the city's false charms. Everybody who moves to the city from a small town is always celebrated, but you know you’ll probably be hated when you’re actually gone.

You’re in such a daze throughout, you don’t realise the importance of that night.

You’re not going away for long, but it’s still a huge deal.

The apprenticeship has a low acceptance rate, and they hardly take any students from Korea. It’s mostly international kids, and you can’t believe you get the chance to be amongst them.

After the party, you and Felix stay to help Minho clean up, and you stand on the threshold of the doorway, to catch your breath. Felix threw away the last of the beer bottles, and stood opposite you, leaning on the other end.

Your arms are folded behind your back, and you smile at him.

“I can’t believe Seonmi tried to get us to play spin the bottle again” 

You sigh, “I’m glad Minho shut them down”

Felix laughs, and then his shoulders sag as the laughter dies down, “How are you feeling?”

“Tired” You tell him, “But…I’m really fucking excited too”

“I can’t believe you’re leaving” He mumbles, for the tenth time that night, and he pushes his hands in his pockets.

“It’s not like I’m moving away forever” You tell him, “The apprenticeship is just a temporary program”

“But isn’t the point of it to get a job in the city?” He asks.

“There’s only a few spots open, for the people that perform the best”

“Then you’re definitely not coming back” He says, smiling, placing unwavering faith in you.

“We’ll see” You shrug.

“Is he coming to pick you up from the station?” He asks.

You nod, “If he can make it. He’s been busy recently”

“You promise to keep me in your life?” He suddenly asks, tilting his head. You notice his hair’s grown longer in the fall, falling to his shoulders. The blonde suits him, the glow of the porch lights sharpen his cheekbones, and the shadows on his face.

“You’d push your way back, even if I didn’t” You tell him.

He laughs, knowing it’s the truth, “I’ve had the privilege of knowing you since we were…kids. I’m never letting you go, you know that?”

His words are meant to comfort you, but the irony doesn’t fail to strike.

He must have noticed the fall in your expression, because he steps forward, “Hey, hey. What’s wrong?”

“I’m…kind of a little terrified” You admit, eyes downcast, watching the pink shoelaces of Felix’s worn-out shoes.

“You’ve been painting your whole life. Everybody’s going to fall in love with you there, I can bet my life on that”

“I only need Kim Jieong to fall in love with me” You joke.

“And he will. You’ll spare no one”

You swallow, “Thank you. I know you never really wanted me to move away. But I’m really glad you understand how much this means to me”

“I rather you be away from me than be miserable in this little town” He admits, and his finger meets the end of your chin. He tilts your head up, so you’re looking him right in the eye.

“That doesn’t sound like you” You mumble.

He rolls his eyes, “I know. The things I do for you”

You smile, “Thank you”

“I’m really gonna miss you” He admits, “You’ll come home for the next summer though, right?”

You nod, and his hand is still on your chin, “Of course. I’ll be here”

His lips pull up into a smile, and his eyes are bright, and the freckles on his skin look far too much like stardust right now.

“You’ll be here. That’s why summer’s my favourite season” He mumbles, but his voice is suddenly hoarse now, half of his words lost in his mouth. 

He’s staring right at you, and you feel the breath leave your lungs. 

It reminds you of the night of his birthday and how he came to your rescue, kissing you to save you from embarrassment.

“Can I kiss you?” He suddenly asks you, the depth of his voice prickling through you.

Apparently, he was thinking of the same thing.

The words throw you for a loop, but yet they don’t. 

He knows you don’t feel the same way for him. He knows that you’re in love with someone else. But he still asks. It’s a goodbye kiss. It doesn’t mean much more. 

So, you say yes, and he swallows your words in a kiss.

He presses you up against the doorway, but he doesn’t deepen the kiss. His lips move against yours, and his hands hold you, and all you can think about how is how different this feels.

It’s not that you’ve given up on Hyunjin. In fact, in a few days, you’ll be closer to him than you’ve ever been, under the same night sky, breathing the same air.

Your hands stay behind you, pressed into the doorway, and you feel the slightest urge to run them through his hair, but you don’t. 

Felix kisses you sweetly, and when he pulls away, there’s no awkwardness. He lets out a laugh, pulling playfully at your cheeks and mumbles something about making sure you don’t miss the train in the morning.

That night, when you’re packing away the last of your things, you reached for the sketchbook you had left at Hyunjin’s house. It laid by your bedside, but you haven’t opened it in weeks. You decided to take it with you, if only for the memories and the sketches you’ll make on the journey.

As you reach to put it in your suitcase, something dropped from within its pages and landed on the wooden floor.

Frowning, you bent down to pick it up. 

It’s a vertical photo strip, and when you flip it over, your breath stops in your throat.

It’s the pictures from the photobooth.

Of you and Hyunjin kissing, in the pink lights.

How the fuck did that get in here?

You’re absolutely sure he had deleted them, right in front of your own eyes.

It stirs memories within you, plunging you right back into that moment, the hot, heavy kisses that you shared, the tightness with which he gripped your hips, the urgency with which you touched each other.

Your core tightened, and you sit on the floor to take a breath.

You stared at the strip of pictures. Your first instinct is to text him, and ask where he got them, but you can’t even contact him. 

It’s another question you can’t wait to ask him, when you finally see him again.

A tsunami of feelings overwhelms you, and you know that you can’t blame him for this sudden rift between you, because you can still feel the intensity with which he held you, and moments like that can’t be temporary.

A new buzz runs through your veins, and you hold the photo strip tight to your chest, wondering when it would be real again.

»»————-

The stars in the sky were replaced by the skyscraper lights, as your train hurtled closer to its destination.

Clutching your ticket in your hand, your eyes were peeled to the window, watching the city skyline become closer, and closer, until the buildings loomed over you. 

You’d seen the city through pixels and in coffee table books but never like this. 

Your camera ran out of film before you’d even arrived, and perhaps you should have prepared for that. You couldn’t stop your excitement. Everything was new, and everything was gorgeous. You took pictures of your ticket, of your seat, of the view.

You have to document this. In every form possible.

The cute boy across you even offered to share a pack of Peppero sticks halfway through the ride, and you hoped everybody in the city was as kind as him.

There were more people at the platform than in the entirety of Daejon, and you held your bags tightly to you, making your way through the crowd. At a certain point, you weren’t even walking, just pushed toward the nearest exit, going with the flow of the crowd around you. 

Each breath brought a new scent, fighting for your attention in the crowd. The musty luggage that had travelled all over the country being dragged against the concrete. 

There must be a cafe nearby, because the aroma of coffee wafted through the air, and it wasn’t till the scent of pastries hit you that you realised you were starving.

There’d be time for food later.

The faint hint of cologne and perfume clouded your senses, different kinds of fragrances worn by the people who walked through the station.

It was overwhelming, a sensory overload, but you had expected this chaos.

You welcomed it.

He was waiting for you at the platform.

Relief flooded through you at the familiar face amongst the crowd. 

“Look at her” He remarked, a small smile overtaking him.

“Fuck” You ran up to him, navigating through the few people still in your way. 

His arms wrapped around you immediately, lifting you off the ground momentarily, and his scent was familiar and it was known, and it calmed you instantly. You buried your face in his neck, letting him hold you to his body in the crowd.

“You’re here” He breathed, pulling back to look at you, eyes wide.

“I missed you” You admitted, reaching out to grab his hand, “Thank you…for coming to pick me up”

He squeezed yours in return, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world” 

“No, I’m serious. Thank you, Yeonjun”

He stared at you, eyes crinkling in appreciation and love, “You don’t have to thank me”

The crowd moved around you, like a river around a rock, as you held him close to you. 

Everything was unfamiliar here, but him.

“Come on, let’s get you out of here” He smiled, grabbing your bags.

Walking out of the station felt like stepping into a dream you’d forgotten.

You’d studied these streets, and dreamt of these buildings, but now you stood amongst them. Awe and fascination swelled in your heart, and if it wasn’t for Yeonjun keeping a hold on you, you’d probably stop and stare at every little thing.

The neon lights danced along the alleyways, casting colors onto everyone around you.

It was so typical. 

It was just like the movies.

You picked up on snippets of conversations, leftovers of drama, but it was crazy, because for the first time, you didn’t know who they were gossiping about. There were no familiar faces or names, a reality you could never live before.

In the distant, you could hear street musicians and you stopped, pulling at Yeonjun’s sleeve, “Can we go see that?”

You’ve seen far too many Youtube videos about this, and you have been waiting to experience this yourself.

He laughed, gesturing to your luggage, “With all this stuff in our hands?”

“Right” You realised.

“Hey, we can always come back to this. Let’s get you settled in first, yeah?” He said, reaching forward to tuck your hair back in a gesture that soothed you.

“I know. I just…I’m excited. Sorry” You apologised.

“Don’t be sorry. I was the same my first day here” He said, sincerely, “I’m glad I have you to share this with. Although you’re already doing better than me, I was so overwhelmed”

You swallowed, “I am too, but…I want to be”

Yeonjun’s lips curled up into a smile, “Yeah?”

“I’ve thought about this moment for a long time, Jun”

“I know” He smiled, then tugged at your hand, “Now come on, we’re almost at your apartment”

You let him tug you along, because you were too lost taking everything in to navigate yourself. 

It was overwhelming, 

But you embraced it.

»»————-

“Are you sure this is the right building?”

“Mmh, I checked on the map. It’s definitely the red building”

“It…looks different than it did online” You said, staring at the apartment.

“I’m sure it’s nicer inside” He shot you a calm look. 

He grabbed the heavier suitcase, before attempting to push the door open. 

It didn’t budge, and he stopped, “Is the door locked or something?”

“Um, they told me it’d be open till six” You mumbled, glancing at your phone to check the time.

“Well, it’s certainly not open” Yeonjun muttered, trying to push it open with his shoulder. 

His efforts were met with no real results, and he released a frustrated sigh.

“Maybe I can try” You side-stepped him, lamely attempting to turn the knob.

“You know, it’s not that cold” Yeonjun rolled his eyes at the thick gloves you had on.

“It’s cold for me” You defended. 

Daejon almost had the same weather year-round. 

You weren’t used to the chill that came this up north.

“I pray for you when winter comes” He added.

You turned to him, arms crossed, “So…are we just going to stand here the rest of the night?”

“Why don’t you call the landlord?”

You bit your lip, “I wouldn’t wanna inconvenience him” 

Yeonjun sighed, dropping the duffel bag on the pavement, “You literally can’t get into your apartment. I think he’ll understand”

Your new life in the city was off to a great start.

“Maybe I can try again tomorrow” You spoke, “Could I stay at your place tonight?”

“Y/N” He stepped forward, placing a hand on your shoulder, “You can, but you’re not going to be bothering him, I promise you. This is kind of his job”

You stared at him, and sighed, “You’re right. But, before I call him, do you think there’s another entrance to the place? Maybe we’re at the wrong one”

Yeonjun looked up at the facade of the building. All the blinds to the apartment windows were shut, and he kept his hands on his hips, “I’ll check around the back”

“Thank you” You nodded, “I’ll try the door here”

You peeled off your gloves, turning the knob again, hoping that it might work this time.

You pushed at it with your shoulder, and to your surprise, the door burst open, plunging you inside. 

Somebody else had opened the door from the inside.

“Fuck” You collided with them, flushing with embarrassment.

“Whoa” He exclaimed, hands coming up to your shoulders, “Are you okay?”

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry” You stepped back, looking up at him.

Was everyone in Seoul a fucking model or something?

His hair fell into his eyes, sharp features and a jawline that immediately stood out to you. 

He seemed to be younger than you.

He observed your form, eyes flickering over your figure before he stepped back, to let you breathe, “Were you…breaking in to my apartment or something?”

“No!” You immediately responded in horror, eyes wide, “I…I’m Y/N”

His eyebrows shot up, “Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

“I’m the new resident on the sixth floor” You explained, voice unsure by the second, “Mr. Kwon didn’t mention me?”

“Oh” His eyes widened in recognition, “Right. He did. I didn’t think you’d be coming in today. Bad weather to be moving in”

“You’re right” You laughed, pushing your hands in your pockets, “So, uh…I’m Y/N”

He smiled, eyes crinkling, “Hi, Y/N. I’m Jeongin”

“Sorry about the door. I couldn’t get in” 

“It tends to get stuck in the cold sometimes” He explained, then looked behind you, “Is that all the stuff you have?”

You turned back, “Yeah. My friend’s gone around the block…to look for another entrance”

Jeongin smiled brightly, like he had no troubles in the world, “Well, I can help you get your bags up, unless you wanna wait for your friend to come back?”

“I’ll just tell him I got the door open” You explained, reaching for your phone to text Yeonjun. 

Your new neighbour, Jeongin, watched as you typed out the text, and then reached forward, to pick up the duffel you’d abandoned on the street.

“You probably shouldn’t leave your stuff out like that” He laughed, grabbing the handle of your suitcase, “Some scumbags are just looking for an opportunity like that”

“Oh” You realised, feeling dumb for leaving your things unattended.

Jeongin pulled your suitcase and duffel bag up the porch stairs, before shooting you a glance, “I’m guessing you’re new to the city”

“It’s obvious?” You laughed, feeling embarrassed.

“Don’t worry about it” He shook it off with a hand, as you followed him up the stairs, “I’m on the second floor, by the way”

You clutched the rusty bannister with one hand, craning your neck to observe the atrium. The centre of the staircase had a skylight, but it was pitch-black outside.

He glanced back at you, “If you ever find yourself stuck outside, you can shoot me a text. I’m almost always home”

You followed him up to the sixth floor, “Thank you, that’s really nice of you. Are you in university?”

He nodded, “I take my classes online though. You?”

“I’m here for an art internship”

“Where’d you move here from?” He asked, as you made your way to the door, and you handed him the keys. 

“Daejon. It’s a small town down south, near the beach and the mountains. You probably haven’t heard of it”

He turned to you, with a grin, “Sounds beautiful”

You unlocked the door to your unit, and thankfully this lock was easier than the one below. 

Flicking the switches on, you glanced around.

The apartment certainly was…something. 

It was a studio, unfurnished, one bedroom, one bath.

The walls and floor were bare, and there was hardly any lighting, but that could be fixed.

Everything could be fixed.

You had made it here, and that’s what mattered.

A little kitchen window looked out into a fire escape, glimpses of the city visible. 

It excited you already. You could set up an easel there and learn to paint this new landscape.

You’d brought no artwork with you…but the new paintings you made could decorate the walls, and soon the place would fill up with your new memories of the city.

There was so much potential.

“It’s not bad. Mr. Kwon gave you one of the better units” The boy commented, and you realised he was still here, as you’d been fantasising about your new place.

“Really? You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?” 

Jeongin raised an eyebrow, “Why would I want to make you feel better? We’ve only known each other like… thirty seconds”

Your eyes widened, and for a second you wondered if he actually meant it, before he burst into a laugh.

“Sorry” He giggled, “I was kidding. Did you think I was not?”

“And how would I know you were kidding? I just met you, like you said” You exhaled.

He laughed, walking back to you, “Why would I be so rude to you for no reason?”

You shrugged, hugging yourself, “I don’t know…maybe you’re an asshole”

“Ouch” He laughed.

“Who are you?” A familiar voice interrupted, and you turned to see Yeonjun stood at the doorway. His eyes were wide, and his hair was wet from the rain. You felt guilty for leaving him out in the cold, but he was more concerned about the stranger in your apartment.

“Who are you?” Jeongin asked him in return, “How’d you get in?”

Yeonjun’s eyes narrowed, “The door was open downstairs”

“Shit” He mumbled, “Mr Kwon will kill me”

“Why are you in my friend’s living room?” Yeonjun asked.

“I was helping her in”

Yeonjun shot you a look, and you shrugged, “What?”

Jeongin looked between the two of you awkwardly, “I gotta go close up downstairs”

“Sure. Thank you for letting me in by the way”

“Course. No problem” He smiled, pushing his hands in his denim jacket pockets as he left. 

Once he was out of earshot, Yeonjun shut the apartment door, and raised an eyebrow at you, “Who was he?”

“Yang Jeongin” You leaned against the kitchen counter, letting out a breath, “He opened the door for me”

“And you let him into your apartment. What if he’s a creep?”

“Relax, Jun. At least I’m inside now”

He looked around, observing the place, “Well, at least there’s no mold here or anything”

You stare at him, “Are you kidding me? The place is… perfect”

He laughs, “What?”

You run up to him, pulling him into a hug, “Thank you, thank you, thank you”

He wrapped his arms around you, “Someone’s happy”

You looked up at him, “Of course I am. This is what I’ve wanted my entire life”

“You didn’t seem this excited downstairs” He pointed out.

“I was worried for a second there” You say, “But now I’m so happy”

He laughed, “Fuck. I’m happy for you”

You let go of him, to sit on your new couch, in your new home.

“If I get some cute stuff and more lights, it’ll be nice, right?”

He walked over to the kitchen window, peering out at the view, “Just be careful to keep the blinds closed at night”

“Why?” You frowned.

“There’s a lot of creepy people in the city”

You smiled, dropping your head back on the couch, “I don’t care”

He laughed again, stepping over to you, “When do you want to unpack?”

“Is it crazy if I say right now? I kind of want to put all my stuff in place”

“No, it’s not crazy. You’re not tired?”

“I’ve been preparing for this my whole life, so no”

He chuckled, “I’m guessing you’re going to be saying that a lot”

He walked over to the bedroom, “It’s smaller than on the website. You’ll have to buy a bed”

“I know” You hummed, closing your eyes, to take everything in. If you sat here quietly, you’d be able to hear the sirens, the pedestrians, the noise from all the shops.

“Do you wanna order some pizza?” He asked.

“That’s perfect”

As the hours pass, you put away all your clothes in the wardrobe. Yeonjun helped you arrange the paintbrushes and canisters in a corner. You’ve only had enough space to bring two canvases and you balanced them against your bedroom wall. 

Yeonjun played an English rock band he’s lately been obsessed with as you emptied the last of your suitcase.

The pizza arrived in no time, and Yeonjun brought it upstairs.

You’ve opened the kitchen window to let the city sounds in, and he smiles at your amused expression. Your apartment faces a busy street, but you love it. There’s absolutely no silence, and you think it’ll help you fall asleep at night.

Sitting on the floor, the pizza box lay between you as Yeonjun told you about his favourite spots in the city. He was a little overprotective, telling you to avoid certain neighbourhoods, but you appreciate him.

“Are you excited to join the internship?” He asked, biting down into the pepperoni.

“Apprenticeship” You corrected him.

“What’s the difference?” He laughed.

“Look it up” You rolled your eyes, tossing a pepperoni at him.

He nodded, “So you’re sticking in Seoul forever then?”

You laughed, “We’ll see”

“You didn’t answer my question” He repeated, popping open a coke can, a hissing sound accompanying it.

“I am excited. Obviously” You smiled, “Nervous to meet Kim Jieong though. He’s like my favourite artist, ever, in the entire observable universe”

Yeonjun laughed, passing you the coke can, “I better be the first to hear all about your first day”

“Who else will I even tell?” You laughed.

He nodded, swallowing the crusts, and choosing to stay quiet.

It’s awkward. Hyunjin’s thought hangs in the air.

He doesn’t know you’re here.

He doesn’t even know you got accepted.

“We could do something crazy. If you want”

“What?” You asked, curious.

“You’re probably gonna hate the idea” He laughed.

You scoot closer to him, “Tell me”

He bites into another piece, “You know where he works. The Pegasus headquarters. It’s not too far from your classes”

You stare at him as he talks. The idea makes you feel like a stalker.

“I can’t just show up at his workplace”

“Isn’t that how you two met in the first place? He showed up to your workplace?”

You grabbed the coke can from him, “You’re clever. But no…that’d be weird”

“How else are you going to get in touch with him?”

“I don’t know, but it is so weird to think that we’re under the same sky now”

Yeonjun rolled his eyes, “You’re way too romantic. You know that you’re always under the same sky, right? No matter where you are on Earth”

“Shut up” You tossed a piece of pepperoni at him, “Don’t kill the mood”

“Fine. You’re breathing the same air as Hyunjin. I mean, if you really want to be romantic, you’ll probably bump into him sometime soon”

“There’s like ten million people in the city, Jun”

“Oh, now you’re logical?” He laughed. Yeonjun’s face suddenly lit up, and you know he’s had a terrible idea.

“What? Don’t tell me…” 

“I’m going to help you find him. That’s kind of my job”

“Finding people?” You laughed.

“No, tracking their digital footprints, and shit”

“How is that going to help us find Hyunjin again?”

“I don’t know. I’m still figuring that part out”

You rolled your eyes, and you lie down.

Your stomach is full, you’re tired, and the floor of your new place is cold, and you love it. You’re so happy. 

You’re right where you belong, and right where you were always supposed to be.

It feels right, and you smile to yourself.

“Do you want to go for a walk? Maybe we can explore your neighbourhood. You can get familiar with it” Yeonjun suggested.

You sat up so quickly, “That’s the greatest idea I’ve ever heard” 

So, he took you around the alleys, and you tried to memorise the names of the streets, and he showed you a coffee shop, and a Paris fucking Baguette. 

Your street is busy and full of life, even this late at night. Even from here, you could see the high-rise buildings surrounding you, glass houses, and everything is glamorous. 

“I literally feel like I’m inside a drama” You told Yeonjun, watching all of the little shops and snack stands. The mannequins in the window display wore clothes you could never get away with wearing back home.

But, you’ll wear them now.

It’s so much all at once.

He held your hand, introducing you to everything he knew of. 

You feel like a stranger in your own country. Everything is different here.

But you’re right where you belong, and as Yeonjun led you back home, you looked up at the sky.

It’s different too.

You realise Hyunjin was right all along.

There are no stars here. 

»»————-

It’s been less than a week, and you’re lost.

You’re not proud to admit it.

But the city is big, and you were only trying to find your way to The Atelier.

Cabs were expensive as hell, so you’d decided to walk, and take the trains but clearly you’d ended up in the wrong neighbourhood.

You called Yeonjun. Obviously.

“Look, Y/N. I still don’t understand what possessed you go visit your art building this late”

“I was impatient!” You admitted. Your classes don’t start for another week, but you wanted to check the place out. You couldn’t hold your excitement.

“You could’ve just waited for the weekend. I would have gone with you”

You snorted, “Right. What would you do in a place like that?”

“Hey, I can be artsy too” He retorted, “Now tell me what you see”

You stared ahead of you.

It’s busy, and there’s so many people. You turn a corner, and then another, and another. It’s already dark out, and the streetlights have twinkled on. You wish you could appreciate the beauty, but you’re so lost. 

Somehow, you’re not scared. You know you’ll figure it out. 

You’ve made it this far after all.

“I’m at a street with a thousand shops”

“So…every single street of this city? You’re so helpful”

“You’re not being very helpful either” You crossed your arms.

“Just go into any shop, and ask them where the art building is”

“What if they don’t know?”

“Then ask somebody else” Yeonjun suggested.

You survey the plethora of shops. Half of them have already shuttered down, and some are in the process of closing. 

There’s only one store that’s open. It looks like it sells snacks and drinks, but maybe they can tell you where you are. The fluorescent lights of it cast a harsh aura upon the streets, unmatched to the traditional aesthetic of everything else. 

“Okay. That’ll give me an excuse to get that expensive candy I saw at the station”

Yeonjun laughed, “I am appalled at how positive you’re being right now despite being in the middle of nowhere”

You walked up the little stairs, a chime sounding as you enter. 

It’s bigger than you expected inside. 

There’s rows and rows of snacks, shelves stocked to the brim. It’s local, different from a 7/11 franchise, but it’s just as organised. There’s a few people already in the store, and you walked past them, until you find an employee who can help you.

“Yeah, once I decided to stop being affected by every little thing, life became much easier” You joked.

You can almost imagine Yeonjun rolling his eyes as he said, “If only everything was that easy”

“I’m gonna ask someone who works here. I’ll call you after, okay?” You spoke into the phone, before hanging up.

There’s a girl, she looked friendly enough.

“Excuse me?” 

She turned, and she was chewing gum, “Yeah? How can I help you?”

“Yeah, could you tell me how I can get to the Atelier from here?”

You feel a little stupid. She’s probably wondering why you can’t just use your phone, but the streets here are so narrow, there’s no way it’ll be accurate.

Her eyebrow furrowed, “That fancy glass building?” 

You lit up in recognition, “Yes! Exactly that!”

“Um. I’m sorry, I don’t know. But Jae will know. His girlfriend goes there. I can call him if you want, he’s the back”

“Oh” You nodded, “That’ll be really helpful, thank you so much”

She looked around, “Are you gonna buy anything?”

You nodded, smiling at her, before she walked into the back.

Well, she was nice.

You tucked your hands into your jacket pockets, and looked around. 

You haven’t been to this part of town before. Well, you’ve only been here a few days but you must have got yourself really, really lost to end up in such a random place.

You waited for the girl to come back, and you watched the people around you.

You envy their sense of comfort, and familiarity.

There’s a couple, still in school uniforms, and they’re picking out candy.

There’s quite a few people in the store, baskets full of snacks, and iced coffee, and maybe you can grab one too, after you reorient yourself.

The shelf is front of you is so overstimulating, and there’s so many different types of candy. 

That’s another one of your favourite things here.

Brands you’ve never heard of or seen before. Imported sweets, from all across the world, and everything is expensive, but you don’t care right now.

There’s a huge box of purple candies.

It’s too much, even for you.

But you feel the need to treat yourself.

You reached for it, picking it off the shelf. Your eyes wander up.

There’s a boy.

Your heart skips a beat, and you think it almost stopped.

You’re dizzy.

The most beautiful boy in the world… stands on the other side of the shelf.

You’d recognise that stance anywhere. 

He’s in a dark trench coat and a cap is pulled over his head, and getting lost has easily been the absolute best mistake of your life. It’s the craziest coincidence in the world, and maybe now you really don’t believe in coincidences anymore.

You believe in destiny, and he has to be yours.

There’s no other explanation, no rhyme or reason for why else he would be here, right now, right here, at the same time as you.

He hasn’t seen you yet, and you relish in those few seconds of pure observation.

He looks exactly the same, as he browses through the aisle of cereals.

Your heart burned, and it yearned, and you couldn’t wait anymore.

You couldn’t stop yourself, even if you wanted to.

“Hyunjin?” You blurted, the excitement unable to be held back.

His head shot up to yours.

The blue box of cereal in his hand dropped to the floor.

And it really was him.

It actually was him.

There were no coincidences. 

He looked so gorgeous, and you can already feel his distinct scent. Your lips curved up into a smile, and your heart was beating out of its chest.

He was staring at you, eyes wide, lips parted.

His hair had gotten even longer, and it peeked out from under his cap.

“Hyunjin I—”

A woman stepped between you, picking up what he’d just dropped.

“Is this the one you were looking for?” She handed it to him.

Hyunjin tore his gaze away from you and nodded at her.

She looked at you, wondering what had his attention.

Your words were stuck in your throat, and your heart was squeezing in your chest, you thought you might collapse.

Who was that?

“Is there anything else you need?” She asked him.

He shook his head, gaze to the floor, “No. I’m good”

His voice. You’d missed it insanely.

“Perfect. The cash counter’s in the back though” She walked past you, and she’s not your problem anymore because he’s here. He’s actually here, in front of you, in the most random shop in all of Seoul. 

Hyunjin stepped out from the aisle. 

You’re standing in his way, “Hey—”

“Excuse me” He mumbled, his shoulder bumped against yours and he walked right past you.

What the fuck?

He didn’t even look at you.

Someone tapped on your shoulder, and it was the girl with the chewing gum.

Your eyes were still on him though, confused, and a fear began to settle in your stomach. He was standing at the cash counter, and his was head was ducked low, as the woman placed all of their shopping out of the cart. 

For a second, you wonder if you’re mistaken and if that’s someone else, but you know it’s him, but that doesn’t make any sense.

The girl employee spoke cheerfully, introducing a boy at her side, “This is Jae! He can tell you the way to the Art Atelier”

At those words, Hyunjin finally looked back, over his shoulder, at you.

His gaze met yours.

It definitely was him.

You were about to say something, but the words never made it past your lips, because he immediately looked away from you.

It was as if he had never known you.

Like you were a stranger.

The city of Seoul had never felt so quiet, as right now.

»»————-

⇐ masterlist ⇒

please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you <3

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[pretty-blkgirl]

Mess It Up

//female!OC x poly!skz//

Synopsis: The boys try to surprise their lovers for their birthday

Genre: fluff, crack

Warnings: OC uses she/her pronouns, swearing

A/N: Here’s the little story for me and Lee Know’s birthdayyyy

~~~~|~~~~

“What did you do?” Felix asks Chan, who looks down at the batch of ruined brownies with a face of guilt

“I’m sorry Lix, I set the timer wrong! I’ll make another batch”

“Chris, we only had enough ingredients for one batch! Plus they’re gonna be home in 10 minutes”

Felix groans dramatically, taking off his apron as Chan throws away the burnt brownies.

“I’m sorry,” Chan says again, this time making Felix release a soft sigh. The younger goes to hug his hyung, squeezing extra tight so he knows he’s not upset.

“It’s okay! We’ll make them brownies another day! We still have the cake”

As soon as those words left Felix’s mouth, I.N. and Seungmin walked in with the remnants of cake on their hands.

“…..please don’t tell me” Felix whispers. Seungmin shoots him an apologetic look like I.N. can’t even dare to look his way.

“We dropped the cake hyung. Then we tried to pick it up but…” I.N. holds his hands out and pouts as if he is about to burst into tears.

He and Seungmin tried their best on that cake, spending several weeks going through several recipes that fit both their boyfriend's and girlfriend’s tastes.

They settled on a red velvet cake and decided to make it a few hours before Felix and Chan started the brownies. When they finished, they frosted it and then brought it to the dining room.

In the dining room, I.N. made the mistake of setting the cake down near the edge of the table. All it took was for Seungmin to bump into the table for the cake to come crashing down.

Seungmin speaks next, regret laced in his voice “Please don’t be mad. We didn’t mean to”

Chan smiles a little at the two, he always found them cute no matter the situation.

“We aren’t mad,” Chan says, “I just fucked up the brownies anyways so I couldn’t have the nerve to be upset”

“The brownies are ruined?” I.N. asks, eyes going wide. Chan nods but shrugs

“Don’t worry” He said, “Bin, Han, and Hyunjin are going to go pick up the food. We may not have dessert but we have their favorite meals”

The rest of the boys seem content with that so Felix goes to set up any last-minute decorations and the other two boys wash the cake off their hands.

Chan goes into the living room to put away some coats left out when he hears the rest of the member’s voices outside. He opens the door and they all greet him with huge smiles.

“Hi guys, got the food?”

“Yep” Han smirks, “And we didn’t fuck it up this time”

The three boys move to the dining room to set the bags of food down while Chan follows them.

“Hey guys” Felix smiles, “Got the food?”

“Yep” Han answers with a look of pride, “You guys got the brownies?”

Chan sighs which prompts Felix to start laughing. The other three men exchange confused looks before Hyunjin notices the brownies missing from the table

“Oh no, what happened?” He asks. Chan quickly explains, and everyone laughs. The laughter grows into full-on hysterics as Seungmin and I.N. appear with no cake.

“How’d you guys manage to fuck up the brownies AND the cake?” Changbin asked as he opened the bags of food.

Felix notices his chuckling suddenly stop. When he looks at his hyung, he sees a shocked expression looking back at him.

“Changbin hyung….tell me you guys didn’t fuck up the food”

“Of course we didn’t!” Hyunjin says, pushing Changbin out of the way to look down at what’s supposed to be steak, pasta, greens, seaweed soup, gyeran mari, kimchi, and some pudding for Lee Know.

However, the four hugs bags were filled with beef, tteokbokki, marinated crab, ox bone soup, and, luckily enough, kimchi and seaweed soup.

Chan and Felix wasted no time bursting out in fits of laughter. Seungmin and I.N. followed soon after.

Han was so embarrassed, immediately hiding his face in Changbin’s chest.

“How did we all manage to mess up?” I.N wonders aloud, taking the food out and setting it up on the table.

“We didn’t mess up that bad. We still have the kimchi and seaweed soup!”

“Exactly” Changbin agrees, “and this food isn’t bad either! I count it as a win”

The group manages to set everything up just as the two guests of honor are walking in the door. Felix quickly shut off the lights and shushed everyone.

Lee Know was the first to realize how quiet it was in the house. He gestured for his girlfriend to get behind him, causing her to giggle quietly.

“Baby, I’m sure the guys are just trying to surprise us. Let’s go in the dining room” She whispers in his ear

“It could be dangerous” He whispers back, still not letting her walk in front of him.

After a little while of whispering back and forth, she maneuvers around him and walks to the dining room. Lee Know is hot on her tail when the lights shut on

“SURPRISE” Everyone yells, causing both people to jump at the sudden exclamation

“Happy birthday,” Felix says while running up to his lovers. He kisses his girlfriend first, looking at her with pure love in his eyes. Lee Know is a little more difficult when Felix tries to give him a kiss, but he gives in after a while.

The rest of the guys go to greet their lovers just as Felix did. Once they were finished, their girlfriend took a look at the decorations and food on the table

“You guys really outdid yourselves,” She says, “And you got all the food I’ve been craving for the last couple of days? How’d you know?”

Han, Changbin, and Hyunjin exchange a look that’s somewhere between shock and relief.

“No desserts?” Lee Know asks as he walks over to the table to sit down. Chan is about to start explaining before Lee Know beats him to it

“I’m so glad you guys didn’t make any sweets. As much as I love the brownies and stuff you make, my parents are coming by tomorrow with enough pudding to last me the rest of the year. That’s all the sugar I’ll need for a while.”

Again, looks of shock and relief are exchanged between the boys.

Everyone sits down and starts to make their plates, filling them with so much food that they’re all full, sleepy messes by the time they’re done.

“Let’s sing Happy Birthday so I can go to sleep” Changbin whines.

Seungmin leads the birthday song, admittedly singing it a little fast so everyone can go to bed quicker.

They play rock paper scissors to see who’s in charge of putting food away, and the guests of honor are the ones who lose the game.

The rest of the boys run to their beds so fast that it looks as if they are being chased.

The two laugh and begin to clean up the dining room.

“You know what, they actually did well this year.” Lee Know says to his girlfriend. She laughs and agrees

“They did! I’m surprised they didn’t mess it up”

[whatwouldvalerydo]

Survivor guilt

Of course I had to chose the second war for the second day of the challenge hosted by @hphm-ship-week . And who better to walk us through it but Felix Rosier (looking at the events taking place in my fic Late Night Enchantments).

Felix had rarely known fear that materialized its way into terror, but he had felt it when the letters from his family started coming in, urging him to return and join the Dark Lords' forces. He wanted nothing to do with it, with them.

He wanted his little piece of safe heaven, tucked inside the sanctuary, where no goons could grab him and force him back to England. But they did, they did come for him, tried to force his hand and when Talia revealed herself, talked as if she was one of them, the name Crane spilling from one of their lips, he truly felt as if it was all over, terror striking its tune, shuddering through his heart.

But she was not a Death Eater, she was not one of them. She was the one that saved him and dammed herself. For they knew she was alive, they knew where had been hiding.

Felix had never known true restless sleep until he was on the run with her, every safe house becoming dangerous, options limiting as days went by. He had never known hunger, but they went hungry for days, running, fearing for their lives as they drew an invisible inconsistent map across Europe.

Every shadow loomed over them, every corner too dark as they travelled through the night, hectic eyes watching as if someone would jump out at them.

But as forces started making their way to England, the danger appeared to grow larger than before. Like a beast watching them, waiting to pounce and devour them whole. And he blamed himself. If he was faster, stronger, could pluck more courage from his heart, she would have not been there with him.

She would have been safe at the Sanctuary, the men protecting her or her protecting them, he did not really know what was what. Because the more time he spent with her, the more he learned and taught himself, for he was a good observer.

Keep a low profile, but dress to fit in, because otherwise you would stand out like a sore thumb. Travelling at night is good because the roads are more opened, clear, but one blends better in a crowd. Always have a bag at the ready no matter what. Sleep upright, don’t let it steal you, steal your senses away from you, one always needs to be alert.

But there were times when even she wavered, no matter her past, no matter how many times she had to run. It took its toll and when she would finally relent and rest her head on his lap for a few minutes, he would hold her and curse his family and hers.

So many times he watched her rest, keeping an eye out while his mind churned the idea over and over until is turned rotten: he was slowing her down. She had connections around the world, she could disappear, be free and safe, somewhere far away.

So when the opportunity presented itself he went through with his plan, joining the Death Eater ranks to distract them from her and brought the focus on him with horrific force.

His family was proud, he loathed them more. For bringing him into such a world, for being on the wrong side of everything that was good and kind. They were killers, torturing innocents, soon the same vast cauldron of sins spilling onto him as he raised his wand, uttered the unforgivable curses, his soul stripping bit by bit.

He knew what fate awaited him. If he did not find death on the streets, he would face a lifetime locked away in prison, stripped bare of everything he still held close to his heart by Dementors. The only consolation was that it was his choice, he did something to save someone and not the other way around.

Imagine his surprise when he stood face to face with her once more, her arms wrapping around his neck, that single action grounding him back in place, reminding him there was still good out there, somewhere.

Forging a new plan made it bearable once he knew who to trust, who would not betray him and her, but help destroy everything from within, save others and send them to safe houses. Do some good when others weren’t watching him do harm.

A thin balance, one that allowed him to not topple over and fall in the deep end.

However when he was caught during the Ministry battle, he just gave up. Shed his pride as tears fell, grief taking over every inch of his worn out body. For the woman he loved turned the killing curse on herself, fell right in front of Death Eaters to witness, her own mad mother a savage beast that leapt upon her daughter’s body, a woman that he put down like one would a rabbit dog.

He tried to save her and in the end he had failed.

But instead of shackles and an escort to Azkaban, Dumbledore stood in front of him instead, offering an address to a safe house.

And when rumors sang in his ears about a woman fighting to save people, he thought he was truly going mad. For she was dead. But that was a time when Felix still did not truly know Talia and what she was capable of. Or what she actually was.

Or better yet what she was made by two mad parents hungry for the promise of immortality. But she would bare her soul one night, in the safety of the safe house she visited, tell him her entire story and he would see her in a different light. See her for who she really was, all her sharp edges, cunning nature and her wild heart.

They would fight together, struggle and overcome, apart and together until the final battle, the fatal moment when destiny stops to look and choses sides.

They would bury their dead, mourn their friends, spit on their enemies’ graves, whatever made them feel better. Wash away the dirt and grime of the battle, sleep because it was the only place where something sometimes felt normal and get up the next day to try and make sense of what to do with the future.

On some days Felix almost felt normal. Being back at the Sanctuary, falling into a rhythm he knew, something safe and familiar. However normality was a distant memory, no matter what he did. His hands had done unspeakable evil and despite the good he also did, he felt that evil someone outweigh everything that was kind. Because it was just heavier. It just held a different force.

Somedays he called himself lucky to have survived the war. Other days he felt like a fool. He should have perished somewhere in between. Maybe he should have actually let that damned Talbott Winger kill him. He knew he wanted to, could see it in his eyes from the very moment they looked at each other. There was something dark behind his eyes, more than jealousy. He had it out for him despite him not even having taken a step towards Talia at that time.

But what did all that get him? No matter how many steps he took towards her it felt as if she was matching him, only backwards. Rare were the moments when she would align herself with what he thought the world consisted of. Like she could see beyond the barriers created, saw more in people.

He now knew it to be true.

“Oi, stop sulking and come here.” Charlie’s voice boomed, startling him from his thoughts. Looking over at his smiling freckled face, Felix took note of the changes in his friend. He had lost a brother, friends, even smiling, he too would never be the same again.

“You move.” Felix yelled from his spot, refusing to budge. Almost normal, almost like before, as Charlie walked over, messed his hair and laughed.

“Feeling lazy? Tough luck, I need someone to come with me to run errands and buy supplies from the village.”

Wrinkling his nose as if he smelled something foul, Felix looked away “Take someone else, I do not wish to move from this spot until nightfall.”

Yanking him by the arm, Charlie lifted Felix with ease “As I said, tough luck.” A grin shaping his lips before he Apparated them to a secluded location near the village.

Yanking his arm free, Felix ran a hand through his hair “You can really be an arse, you know that?”

Shrugging his shoulders he started walking, Felix contemplating just Apparating back to the sanctuary. He was willing to do the work there, no fuss. But being out in the open still did not appeal to his tastes. Even if there was no more imminent threat, so many unhealed wounds lingered across his heart, everything as if making him jump or feel uneasy.

He wondered when it would all go away, how one went about healing. Almost a year had passed, how much more time was needed? Everyone in their letters sounded better and it felt as if he was the only one stuck, still living in a nightmare he could not wake up from.

“Where are you going?” he asked when he noticed Charlie walking past the market.

“Train station, need to pick up a package. Come on, stop dragging your feet Felix.”

The train station was empty, deserted even apart from them. Charlie tried to read the schedule, however he could not find what he was looking for. Asking someone was out of the question entirely, few spoke English in that village. Staff was either on holiday or did not care, a single person coming in view, yawning as if just woken up from slumber, an annoyed look on his face as he stared in the distance waiting for the train to arrive.

Slowly, something materialized in the distance, a loud horn making Felix jump. An almost empty train pulled in the train station, an old locomotive dragging behind it three compartments in total. From the last one, Talia stepped out, Charlie immediately going to hug her, picking her up and spinning with her until both of them were left laughing and dizzy.

She walked to Felix after, clear eyes scanning his face, eyes that had not seen the fire in them since the war. Eyes of endless turquoise pools pulling him near, but Felix could not move from his spot. He looked at her as if he’d just seen a ghost, face pale. He felt something snap inside of him, or setting back in place, not even he knew.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she hugged him tight, whispering in his ear “Are you alright Felix?”

It took all his strength to get his hands to move and pull her close, burring his face in her neck “I am now.” Pulling away from her felt like a tremendous task. She was warm and inviting, the sense of familiarity and normalcy clicking slowly in place as he asked her “What are you doing here?”

“Visiting my favorite guys.” She jumped slightly when the train whistle went off once more, Felix’s grip on her tightening slightly, their eyes locking.

He knew from her letters she remained to hunt down what remained of the Death Eaters alongside the Aurors, her body still on edge, tense despite her carefree smile.

Pulling her even closer, Felix hugged her once more “Happy you are here.” Looking over her shoulder, he made a face at Charlie. Thanked him silently, but also told him off with one single look. He knew he was the one who called her back.

[t3kandson]

Player in Denial

Word count; 9,677

Fandom; Straykids & The Boyz

Pairing; Seo Changbin X Bang Christopher, Seo Changbin X Reader, Bang Christopher X Reader, Reader X Lee Juyeon

Characters, Seo Changbin, Bang Christopher, Lee Juyeon, Sohn Eric, Kim Sunwoo, Ju Haknyeon. Mentions Lee Minho, Hans Jisung and Lee Felix

Warnings; Angus, Jealousy, insecurity, Denial, slight mentions of child birth, Oral, Rimming, Tit wank, Thigh Sex Creampie, Fingering, Anal, Threesomes and Breeding Kinks.

Notes; fifth part of eight of the series Player. Links to other parts here.

Previous part player and the three dads

Happy birthday Changbin.

Taglist; @nyu-topia

(Changbin’s pov)

You couldn't help but feel a little out of sorts. You always were when you knew Juyeon had been spending happy family's with your family. You despised him and though you felt guilty because he had done nothing to deserve it, since finding out about Jubin. Y/N's words when you first met her flew into your memory.

Her reluctance to promise you that she wouldn't run and leave with the child you had promised to be a part of. A child that at the time you had no emotional connection with. More importantly a father who at the time wasn't father worthy. Yet now he was, you had seen in the short time you known him. The change from playboy to family man was something you couldn't deny. Regardless Christopher and Y/N’s reassurance you knew the real risk of losing them both was very high. Their was an evil selfish part of you that just wanted to grab Y/N, Christopher and Jubin and run. Infact you cursed yourself for not doing that the second you realised who Juyeon was. You wondered what your life would have been if you hadn’t attended Minho's wedding. The dream of you three and your little girl would have continued. Juyeon wouldn't have even been known even if Jubin was still poorly. You would like to have imagined finding someone else’s blood to donate. But instead, you walked at the edge knowing that their was a chance that Juyeon was going to steal your family. It wasn't hard to see he was struggling as your little girl's uncle. You had recognised the hunger for much more in his eyes. Knowing this had been almost unbearable and that it was just a moment of time that your family life would be thrown in to the hell you feared. However, you weren't prepared for how soon hell was coming for you. --------------------🔺------------------

"Samcheon Juju is your daddy but so is Daddy and Daddy Binnie. Your lucky you have three daddies," the word filled the air of Juyeon’s front room when you arrived to collect them. If it wasn't for Christopher holding you up your sure you would have collapsed to the floor. The very person at the reason for your world collapsing was Y/N’s desire to end it. "Is he really my daddy, Daddy Bin?" Your broken confused little girl said looking your way. Y/N’s body stilled almost in fear to look behind her. "Why is their always you when a secret falls," you said angered taking Sunwoo in. You could See Jubin’s little frame jump at your anger. Christopher’s hands pressed reassuringly to your shoulder. "Princess," Christopher said pushing past you, going to grab the tired confused little girl. His eyes clearly avoiding Y/N as her eyes tried to focus between you both. "How about we talk about this at home princess," he said pressing her head to his chest his eyes glaring between you and Y/N. "Binnie," Y/N whispered as tears began to cloud your eyes.

"I know this is the wrong time for favours, but I really need to get to the hospital," Eric said breaking the icy atmosphere. "We're drop you off on the way," Christopher said nodding as he looked relieved. "You can stay here," he growled at Sunwoo who looked filled with guilt, that he was happy to avoid the confrontation he knew that was about to blow.

The journey to the hospital was filled with silence. Jubin had fallen asleep with Christopher stroking her hair as you drove them to the local hospital. "Thanks Hyung i really appreciate this after everything that's happened tonight," Eric said as the car pulled to the entrance. You silently nodded as he looked at the backseat to thank the others before leaving. Your eyes looking threw the mirror to see Y/N's eyes teary, her teeth gnawing at her bottom lip. You didn't even know how to deal with the situation you were faced with. Your nightmare having come alive, yet at the same time your mind was numb to the possibility that everything was now going to change. Before you could drive away a phone with a ring tone you weren't aware of rang. "Man he left his phone," you groaned as you leaned down to collect it from the charger port. "I'll take it to him," Y/N said leaning across to take the phone from you. Her face full of guilt as all you could do was nod.

Watching her leave the car towards the hospital left a dread in your stomach. She wasn't running to Eric she was running to Juyeon. You couldn't help but punch the wheel in anguish your whole world was falling apart. "Baby Come on hold it in till we're home. We don't want to wake Jubin up," Christopher said softly as you felt a little guilty. "This is so hard, we've lost Chris, we're losing our family," you said as tears started to fall down your eyes. "Baby, we're find a way through this, Y/N and Juyeon cares for Jubin. They won't let her be ripped from us," he said his hands swirling circles on the top of your collar bone. "I knew this would happen, I told you he would come back for them," you sobbed harder. "Baby," Christopher said softly before getting out the car as you followed. "All that's happened is Jubin now knows. she was always going to know at some point," he said reassuringly. "Yes, but with us all telling her. This is a big movement on her behalf doing this without us. One that tells us she wants him," you said as you felt anger strike up your body. "How did you work that out, we don't even know why she said that. Their maybe a feasible reason to why she felt she had to tell her. Sunwoo was there we know what he's like," Christopher said in attempt to chase the hellish thoughts away. "Maybe, but Chris you know as much as I do that it's coming to an end. Our family’s been under threat for too long. Your just too naive to see it," you said as Christopher bit his lip, looking deep in thought like you hit a nerve. "Let's just get them both home, let's talk to Y/N work out what's going on," he said as you threw your hand through your hair. "And what will happen when you realised we've been fooled, like I knew we would. Like a mug I fell for them both even though I knew we would love them," you said wanting to throw your head into the metal of the car. "Don't say things like that Binnie, what ever happens we don't regret a second with Jubin," Christopher said a little anger lacing in his tone. "Of course I don't regret a second with her, but I'm making a point that I knew this idea was wrong. You wouldn't listen to me and here we are watching our world slip away. again!," you said remembering the pain of surrogacy beforehand. "But this time we got to spend all these years with her. Do you really think she would be happy without us?" Christopher asked more as a question then a statement which hurt. "Look what I'm saying is we're important to her, the time we spent can't be forgot just because she has another daddy," he said with a little more reinsurance. "We had that opportunity because we took the risk. Though it's gone a little crazy we got to bring that little girl up the last 5 Years," he said sliding his arms around your waist. "Let's get home and discuss this further ok baby," he said kissing your nose as your temper calmed. One look at Jubin sleeping in the car should have relaxed you but it brought fear, fear that she was slipping away from you. "We won't lose her I promise you," Christopher said as he spun around to back hug you. "Don't promise things you can't keep. You and me both know Juyeon and Y/N are the ones in control here," you said pouting. "Y/N is still ours she hasn't left yet," he purs pressing kisses to your neck. "She will, mark my words. Just like I knew Juyeon was coming for his family. I know they will get back together," you said as Christopher silences.

It felt like forever just being back hugged watching Jubin sleep through the car window. When Y/N stormed her way back to the car anger laced on her face. "Y/N what's happened?" Christopher said with concern. "Nothing," she spluttered as she got in the car. Christopher looked at you confused as he made his way to the other side. Sliding in looking at her, you could tell from her position that she was clearly upset, angry even. You felt wrong but you hoped it was Juyeon that was the cause for that look. "Y/N," you said silently as she looked at you, her features softening. "Please can we go home. I know you want to talk and I understand why, I've made such a big mistake tonight. But I just need sleep," she said looking regretful. Your heart beeped in your chest with hope that this was a good sign for your relationship. "As long as your ok, we can wait till we talk," Christopher said as she turned to him with sadness in her eyes. "Thank you I appreciate not having the third degree, just know I wish I could take it back," she added looking between you both. You looked through the Mirror at Christopher and smiled with hope in your features. Maybe just maybe you wouldn't lose your family. --------------------🔺------------------

(Y/N’s POV)

Frigid air attacked your lungs the second you stepped out the car as you relaxed. The tension in the car on the journey had been overwhelmingly icy. You could feel the anger and disappointment bubbling up in Changbin and Christopher. The silence only filling the air because their need to put Jubin first. It stung that you had hurt them, but oddly you felt good about being honest. It wasn't that you were a step closer to the family you dreamed of. But because you could calm Juyeon’s pain. He could be the doting dad he wanted, Jubin would be lucky to have three dads who loved her so much in her life. If two wasn't complicated adding Juyeon as the third instead of an uncle wouldn't confuse her that much more. Each step towards the reception had your heart beating with excitement. You couldn't wait to see Juyeon and tell him he didn't need to hide with your little girl anymore. "Room 32" the receptionist said after asking for Elle's Labour Suite. As your feet got closer you remembered your own Labour. Imagining what Juyeon would have been like if you had him with you. The smile on his face as he saw his daughter born, the proudness in his eyes as he held her. Disappointment hit when you entered the room, Juyeon's presence empty. Elle's expression was mixed in pain and anger at seeing you there. "I'm sorry I don't want to intrude," you explained as Elle’s eyes went to her usual anger mode of your presence. "What the fuck are you doing here," she growled, her hand clutching her stomach as she whimpered with a contraction. "I didn't mean to overstep just I got this," you said dangling the phone as Eric lept from his seat to you. "Thanks Y/N I really appreciate this and the lift," he said appreciative as he reached you. "That's ok, good luck, I hope everything goes ok," you said looking at her sorrowfully. "Fuck off," she snapped up as you inwardly chuckled. Of course, the one time she could throw insults would be now. "Sorry," Eric said looking up at you as you smiled his way. "It's ok I’ll happily stay here if she wants me to be her verbal punch bag." You joked as her teeth gritted in your direction. "It's ok I'm going now," you said stepping out the door hearing her drill Eric for even being in your presence. You walked to the bathroom wanting to reserve some time before the icy tension of the car. When you heard the familiar voice of Juyeon, he looked and sounded extremely happy. Your heart fell watching his interaction with the very person who brought your pain back….. Lulu. It wasn't just his happiness in her presence that hurt but his hands fondly holding around her pregnant form. She looked to be seven months Pregnant, and your heart fell counting back. That was Juyeon's baby he had hidden that he was about to become a father. You and Jubin were nothing compared to what he has here with her. She wouldn't run with their child and he knew it. He was able to be there for the whole of their pregnancy unlike you could offer. In that sharp second anger cursed through you, you had been too quick to dream. Was the reason why he wasn't pushing to be known as Jubin’s dad, because he was having a child of his own with Lulu? The protectiveness of your daughter hit. Finding your feet you flee back towards the car. You should never have let Juyeon get back under your skin. Not when you had two men who loved and devoted on you and Jubin. Anger at yourself cursed through you, how on earth was you going to make it up to them. You had just squashed their world or got a greedy dream of someone who didn't have the same emotions for you. Seeing them Hug by the car made your anger at yourself burn. They looked like their world was blowing up and you were the cause of it. "Y/N what's happened?" Christopher said with concern noticing you. "Nothing," you spluttered as you got in the car.

How could you tell them that you almost slipped up with Juyeon. That you told your daughter Juyeon was her dad, because your world got a bit dreamy. How it was all for nothing Because Juyeon was having his own little family elsewhere. Sliding into the car they both joined you not long after. "Y/N," Changbin said silently full of worry, that you felt guilty that they were hurting beneath their concern. "Please can we go home. I know you want to talk and I understand why, I've made such a big mistake tonight. But I just need sleep," you said looking at them both pleading that they could forget the words said tonight. "As long as your ok, we can wait till we talk," Christopher said as you turned to look his way. He had always been your biggest supporter. Yet you had stabbed them in the back, you were hurting these two so much. "Thank you I appreciate not having the third degree, just know I wish I could take it back," you added looking between them both. You really hoped Jubin forgot your words. Christopher had changed the subject on the way home talking about how Hyunjin & Felix was doing some charity run at the weekend. The conversation of your friends being a pleasant distraction. The occasional smile falling on your face as Changbin chuckled to the stories of how the lads had practiced with a few hiccups. You were so thankful that the iciness had faded to something much more lighthearted. Driving in to the house your phone buzzed looking right down. You saw Juyeon's name flashing on the screen. Anger laced through you once more as you saw the phone finish ringing out. Pressing on Juyeon’s name your fingers contemplated on the block button. Not finding the energy to complete the task. Eyes digging into you you couldn't help but look Changbin's way. He looked almost happy with your response which irked you a little. Like he could read your facial expression he put his hand up in defence. "Sorry I know I shouldn't have pried," he confessed hands up in the air. "Let's talk more tomorrow. It's been a traumatic day for all four of us," Christopher said before Changbin agreed getting out the car. You walked slowly behind them both, Jubin fast asleep on Changbin’s shoulder as they made their way to the house. "Can I sleep with you tonight?" You asked before they could take their daughter to bed. "Do you really need to ask?" Christopher said arms folded baffled. "I know I've hurt you today so I've lost that right," you added as Changbin turned to face you. "Y/N I will be hurt if your empty from our bed because you thought we hated you," Changbin said as you smiled at him feeling his warmth. Air blowing you a kiss he took Jubin to her room Christopher following.

Laying into the bed pure silence surrounding you, you waited for their arrival. So when you saw Changbin appear at the door you opened your arms out to him like the needy person you were. "I'm sorry please hold me," you cried as he smiled warmly your way. "Stop apologising we're talk more tomorrow," he reassured you as he slid in the bed. Your head resting in his arms, nose right up to his chest as you breathed his warm Gucci Guilty Scent in. "I love you Y/N," he whispered pressing a kiss to your temple. Christopher appeared seconds later slipping in behind you. His warm chest being familiar and comfort to you as his arms reached out to hold Changbin as well. "Night baby,” Christopher said as he kissed your cheek. "Where's mine?" Changbin chuckled. Christopher squashed you slightly to reach him. You felt secure and safe between them. -------------------🔺-------------------

Waking up to the sound of Jubin jumping all over you her face was an excited little picture. "Mummy is it true Samchon Juju’s my daddy too?" She asked in excitement. Taking one look at Changbin's face you closed your eyes. You could happily pretend your asleep and not answer that question. "Yes Princess he’s your Daddy too just like me and Daddy Binnie," Christopher said as the pain killed you from his voice that broke slightly. "So I have three daddy's?" She asked as you felt Christopher shift to hold his little girl. "Yes aren't you very lucky," Christopher replied as a tear escaped your eyes. "But we all love you the same," he added as you felt Changbin hold you tighter to him. "But I'm your favourite right baby girl?" Changbin chuckled as you heard your daughter hum. "What!!! are you wanting to fight?” Changbin teased as he shifted you off leaping up. Lifting to face the music, Changbin was chasing Jubin, scooping her into his arms as she squealed in excitement. "You're my favourite, you're my favourite," she shrieked laughing her little head off as Changbin gave up tickling her. As soon as he placed her on the floor she hid behind Christopher. Sitting on the bed with her tongue lolled out. "I lied, Daddy Is my favourite," she proclaimed as Christopher deeply laughed amused. "Well no more sweets then for my princess, you can eat Daddy’s yucky food," Changbin said with his hands on his hips as the little one changed her mind rushing to her sweetie king. "That's what I thought," Changbin said scooping her up onto his hip. "I'm the cool dad," he said as he looked at you smiling relieved that the conversation was stolen from the topic of Juyeon. "Right breakfast and school missy," Christopher said to both their groans that you had to chuckle. One of your favourite past times was watching Changbin act just as childish as your daughter.

You watched as Christopher took Jubin to the car relieved that the Juyeon situation with her was sorted. Looking to Changbin you bit your lips anxious for him to talk. "So maybe you want that explanation now. But can it wait till Christopher’s back," you asked him knowing he was slightly impatient. "Actually," he said walking towards you brushing a hair behind your ear. "I’ve got a deal," he said as you looked at him puzzled. "Well, we don't want to lose you and Jubin. You don't want to talk about last night. I have a way that means we can forgive and forget," he said pressing his lips to your forehead. "What's that? What do I have to do to earn your forgiveness?" You said enjoying his lips hit your nose. "Have our baby?" He questions as you choke almost on your salvia as you swallowed. "What?" You scoff feeling lost in the direction he was taking you. "We want to be a proper family, one strong and united. Having a baby together means we can stay together as one big happy unit," he said almost convinced with his idea. "Changbin, are you saying now Jubin knows Juyeon is her dad you want to replace her?" You say with annoyance. "Y/N I'm not blind I know your in love with Juyeon. I know your going to take Jubin away," he said crossing his arm as you bit your lip. "That won't happen and if it does how does us two having a baby change that?" You said eyebrows furrowed. "Y/N you can legally take Jubin, you can't legally take our child. If we get to co parent our child we get to stay in Jubin's life," he pleaded as your heart broke at his desperation. "You don't have to worry about Juyeon baby. He has his own family. Him and Lulu are having a baby," you said avoiding keeping the pain laced in your voice away. Changbin bit his lip to avoid his happiness escape. "So we're safe you don't need to worry. He has his new family and you get to keep his old one," you said with your eyes threatening to water. "Y/N it's not just Jubin, I want you to have our baby. We've been together for years, surely that's a step we're ready to take,". He said holding on to your arm with slight desperation. "If Juyeon can move on with his new family, surely we can build on ours," he said giving you food for thought. Was it really too much to give the man who had held you up at your weakest a baby of his own. "What about Christopher?" You asked contemplating the idea. "You know he wants a child of his own too," he pleaded on his behalf. "Please consider it, if you do this we won't even quiz why you felt the need to tell our daughter about Juyeon," he said trying to help encourage you. "Can I think about it?" You asked as he nodded closing in on you again. "Can I try encourage you another way?" He said while pulling you closer to him. His hand resting on your ass as his hardening member was felt between you. "Do you mean a practice run," you chuckled as you winked feeling flirtatious. "You know you want to practice making babies with me," he said dragging his finger up your spine. "Well show me what you got then," you said hands on your hip as he laughed amused with your sudden confidence. "You know what I’ve got," he whistles as he grabs your hand taking you to the bedroom.

Instantly inside he pushes you against the door, hands on your hips as his lips rush to attack you. Your hands equally excitedly rushing an attack on his Jeans, unbuttoning them as teeth clash in the chaotic frenzy. Dipping yourself into his pants you feel his stiffened hot cock, as you start pumping. Buckling himself into your palm you suckle down his groan. His own hands waste no time they slip up your shorts as he wrestles for your panties to find them missing. "You always pretend your innocent, your far from," he teases as his fingers slip across your folds. "Why don't you take them off that be easier," you scoff tempting him as he hums amused.

Dragging you to the bed he snaps his orders for you to be naked as you obey. Doing them slowly as you watch him salivate. When you removed the last item, he removes his own in a hastened speed. Crawling up you he pins your hands above you, his cock resting between your breasts. Fucking himself between your bosoms he bites his lips as he looks lost down towards you. A few thrusts and his precum drips from his cock on to your chest. Fingers scooping it up on each finger he places one in your mouth as he sucks the other. Tongue twirling around his digit you enjoy your salty snack. All while getting off on him tasting himself too.

Removing himself from you he sits between your legs pumping himself. Rubbing the tip around your clit has your moans start to spill. You can feel the lubrication from your arousal mix with more of his precum. "I could get you pregnant coming like this," he gloats and just the words despite no deal reached, has your walls squeeze around nothing. "Don't tease me fuck me," you growl inpatient as he chuckles. He slams into you like you expected from his impatience. Walls gripping around him as you adjust. Scooping your legs above his shoulder he starts to pump inside you. The deep penetration has his cock hitting your cervix instantly. "Fuck shit that's deep," you whimper as he chuckles. That compliment has him lean towards you to kiss you once again. Your hamstring stretching to a burn as he pulls them as back as your body allows. Hands falling into your hair they grip making your scalp sting. Hissing his way has him turned into a feverish crazy man. The sounds of the bed crashing against the wall and both your moans sounds like two animals deep in rut. Your walls quiver around him as your high nears. He knows as his hands slip between you to your throbbing nub. Rubbing them hard you throw your head back fighting at the edge with your life. It's not long till the burning in your coil snaps as you fall off your high. His grunts deep as he struggles to hold his own away as you attempt to milk him. He soon Pulls himself away as you pant loudly.

His mouth falls to your pussy. "I'm going to drink you up," he says as you shiver. His tongue laps up your fold a few times as you cry from the over sensitivity. His tongue occasionally slipping into your heat. He then changes tactics after a while and lets his tongue flick against your clit. Hands falling into his hair as you struggle under his torture has him vibrate against your core. He continues till he feels he's licked you clean and sets you ready for his cock again. Picking you up he throws you on his lap as he helps you to sit on him. Wrapping your legs around his waist, he looks at you besotted. "Please really think about my offer," he pleads as you nod. "Thank you," he says as he cups your face. After a quick passionate kiss you start to bounce on his cock. His hands fall to your waist to help ride him. You enjoy adding a pace to hear him moan as your foreheads clash. Eyes forced to look into each other as they get lost in the moment. His hands push you slightly back. Gripping your arms he slightly pushes you backwards carefully to place your shoulders to the floor. Holding you tightly in your hips he fucks into you in this new position. The curve of his cock has his tip pressed so deep in you, you know your juices are flowing like crazy. His moans tell you he's close as his eyes widen in pure lust. "Need you to let me get you pregnant, need a bit of me growing in you," he growls lost in his thought. His eyes fall to your stomach like he's imagining you filled with him. Walls clenching so hard as you imagine it too. "Fuck it I agree, get me pregnant," you cry as he looks at you like the world blew up. Sweat falling down his brow he loses himself in you. "Going to fill this pussy up before Chris can……. Going to make that baby mine……. Going to make sure you never leave me," his words alone is enough to push you into your second orgasm. Nails digging into his arm as he hisses from the slight pain as you growl impatiently at the sensitive mess . "Put your baby in me Binnie, please," you cry as you convulse through the after affects. Your words is his undoing as you milk his baby making sperm in deep as his cock can go. He continues a few more thrusts till he's sure he's emptied all he can in you.

Pulling your arm so you can return back to him, he pants as he kisses your collarbone. "Are you for real you really want our baby?" He asks breathless. "Yes you can even put my pills down the toilet," you said looking up at him besotted. You could do this for them make a baby that you could be a family with. If Juyeon and Lulu could have a baby so could you and your two main men. -------------------🔺------------------- (Changbin’s POV)

"You what?" Christopher said your way in bewilderment. "We decided we want to try for a baby," you said as Y/N walked her way to him. "Are you both even thinking straight?" He said looking a mixture of confusion and slight anger. "We did think about it and it's time we start acting like a real family," Y/N said as her arms slink around his waist making him tense slightly. "We are a real family or do you think we're not?" He asked looking down at her. "Baby, you know I do, but I know Juyeon’s claim to Jubin now makes everything feel unsettled. A baby will bring us all closer as a family unit," she said as Christopher closed his eyes for a second. "A baby will confuse this issue even more," he said in defiance. "Chris that's not just the reason we want a baby. We love being a family to Jubin and she should have another sibling," you said making your way to crowd him. "I'm not so sure your hearts saying that or your ego," Christopher said out which hurt. "Funny I said the same thing five years ago and then I was proven it was the best thing ever," you said with your hands on your waist letting him chew on those words.

When the news of a possible surrogate after the last failed attempt hit your ears. You were dead set about taking on another man's child. You knew the pain, the hurt of not getting your dreams. Putting your foot down for a couple of days Christopher had sulked, whined and eventually encouraged you to meet Y/N. Though instantly you felt the disaster at bay you were filled with a reassurance from her honesty. However, you didn't give your heart till you found Y/N to be funny, charming and exciting to be around. Your heart fluttered at every opportunity to be close together. She had been many reasons for a solo mastabating session. Imagining her being sandwiched between you and Christopher was what made you tingle all over. Feeling Jubin kick was when you realised that this was your family too. You wanted it all and when the Doctor had placed her suggestions you had used that to bring Y/N into yours and Christopher's relationship. His red cheeks every time she touched him told you he was holding feelings for her as well. But what made you united with your love for this woman and her child was when she gave birth to the cute little bundle. You fell in love with the button nosed cute perfect baby girl. The way her hand wrapped around your fingers you knew you had made it as a man. Biology meant nothing to you only the way that you felt overpowering to protect her and her mother.

"I'm still not sure about this," Christopher said looking concerned. "We are, we really want this," Y/N said looking at him fluttering her eyes his way as he blushed. "Just imagine what an amazing big sister she would be to our baby," you said as he bit on his lower lip imagining like you had done since Y/N had agreed. "Can I sleep on it?" Christopher said as you looked Y/N’s way.

"No tell me you didn't," Christopher said in shock at your glances. "Well why you asking for my thoughts it seems you both went ahead with out me," Christopher said sounding hurt. "It's not like that she just refused to take her pill last night that's all," you said as you cupped his face. "I doubt I will get pregnant from yesterdays antics," she said cuddling him tighter. "Ok ok I will think about it only if you stop suffocating me," Christopher said gently fighting his way out yours and Y/N’s grasp. "Please Chris," Y/N pouted his way. "I will, i will I promise." He said with his hand held up.

Your attention was taken by Y/N’s phone ringing it had been doing that most the day. Her intention to ignore it told you it was Juyeon and she was ignoring his calls. The thought that she was jealous towards his new family was something you chose to ignore. Because it's better then her running off with him and Jubin, leaving you and Christopher in the cold. "You going to answer that?" Christopher said as you looked at him with a slight annoyance in your features. "It's nothing important," she said shoving her hand into her pocket. "I'm sure Sunwoo told him that he knows, he will probably wanting to know what happens now," Christopher said with an optimism that suddenly was annoying you. "Let's not push Y/N," you said as he raised his eye your way. "Denial’s the way we're playing it right then?" He scoffed your way as you looked at Y/N. "Theirs nothing to say Jubin knows that all, he can be her father instead of her uncle happy days," she said with a faked happiness. "But how does he know that if you won't answer his calls," Christopher said with his arms folded. "Well you can tell him, I'm tired I'm off for a nap," Y/N said passing him her phone and turning on her heel fast to get away. "Y/N we need to be adults about this," Christopher shouted out as she continued ignoring him. "Well you always like being the peacemaker go make the peace," you said clapping his back as you followed Y/N.

Sinking in behind her she hummed as her hands pressed you tighter around her. "I'm sorry that I never spoke to him first," you said kissing her neck. "It's ok, he will come around I'm sure," she reassured you as her head turned backwards letting his lips fall on yours. The comfort of her tongue brought you closer to heaven. She shifted to face you so she could kiss you deeper, hands falling into your hair making you dizzy. Her hands falling around your waist as you could feel yourself harden. "I really want to devour you right now," you said nibbling her bottom lip as her breathing hitched. "We can't not when we made Chris so mad," she whined as you cupped her face. "The good thing about a thropple is we are in a relationship with everyone. You forget I'm not mad with you," you said pouting allowing your eyes to drop so a puppy expression could attack her. "Don't give me that look," she chuckled as she slapped your arm hurting her hand as it bounced across the muscles. "What look," you playfully sulked as you slipped her under you, letting your rock hard member press against her thighs. "We really should be working on bringing Chris around," you said tweaking his nipples. "Y/N, we can do that after I helped service you," he said growling as he kissed you with lust. "Fine but you need a condom, Chris hasn't agreed," she said almost panting. "We decided to have a child, if Chris wants part of it that's up to him," you said in your desire to have her carrying your baby. "Binnie, come on we need to think of everyone," she said as you ignored her words. Lips hitting her beautiful neck as you pressed kisses against the skin. "Don't change your mind," you said as your hands found her waist as you rolled yourself against her heat. "I'm not..... just..... we need to think properly," she said a mess under your clever hits against her core.

"Your really determined to do this without me?" You hear the hurt voice enter the room. Y/N pushed you off her as your eyes met Christopher. "I told him we're wearing something till you decide," Y/N said softly as you rolled your eyes not missed by Christopher. "Your not happy with that plan," he said arms folded your way as you felt guilt pang your heart. "I want another baby, another little me or you running around the house," you said sitting up with pleading eyes. "Don't you want to have a child on each arm," you add as his face soften with thought. "It's not that I'm against it baby," he says looking slightly lost after your words. "Your scared aren't you?" You said slipping from the bed towards him. "I just think we really need to be sure this is what all of us want. That it isn't just on a whim," he added looking Y/N's way. "You think I don't really want this?" She questioned looking hurt. "No that's not what I meant. I mean that your currently going through a lot right now with Juyeon knowing about Jubin that it's the wrong time maybe to be making life changing decisions," he adds as Y/N chuckles. "Juyeon doesn't know anything I doubt Sunwoo is going to want to confess that he told His daughter the truth," she said as your eyes shot to her. "You told her though I heard it?" Christopher said. "She over heard Sunwoo say Juyeon was her dad all I did was confirm it. If we keep them apart for a while then Juyeon doesn't even need to know. By the time he does his own baby will be born," Y/N said in denial. "Wait hold up now I am confused?" Christopher said with pure confusion. "She’s got a point we could keep them apart for a while till Jubin forgets,” you said joining Y/N’s denial train. "Did you deliberately cut out the part of the baby," Christopher said scoffing your way as you rolled your eyes. "But suppose you knew about that too," he said looking hurt before Y/N dashed to him. "Please don't blame Changbin, it's just I didn't want to talk about it," she said trying to console his inward disappointment. "Lulu's pregnant, he's going to be a dad," she confirmed as Changbin breathed in deeply looking at her. "This is my exact point Y/N, you're acting irrationally because of someone else's news," he said as she looked hurt. "No she didn't it was my idea, and I already knew that fact when I asked her. She was against it for the same reason your fearing. I was the one that changed her mind," you said holding your hand onto Y/N’s shoulder. "So your telling me that you wanted this so badly that you kept me from knowing this fact, your own partner," Christopher said really hurt. "I didn't want to tell you the idea till I run it past Y/N, because if she said no we would both have got hurt. I didn't keep my dreams of another baby to hurt you," you said feeling guilty at your lie. Deep down you knew the desperation to keep Y/N was the reason for wanting another baby. "Hello," you heard a voice reach you from downstairs distracting you. "We're just coming down," Y/N shouted downstairs towards the voice that you knew was Haknyeon who had collected Jubin.

After dinner with Haknyeon and enjoying a period as if Juyeon and the baby situation hadn't happened. You made your way to the bedroom as Christopher settled your cherub down for the night. But upon entering Y/N wasn't there. You were sure that she said she was getting an early night. Dread filled your heart fearing she was in her own personal room. Dashing there you realised you was right when you found Y/N laid in her bed. But instead of asleep her eyes were watching the light, a million deep thoughts running through her mind. "How come your in here?" You asked making your way towards her. "Because I think it's best till Christopher is up for this idea that we sleep separately," she said sounding a little lost. "So I can't hold you in my arms till then?" You said feeling hurt. "I don't want to make things even worse between you guys," she said with guilt on her expression. "It's not, me and Chris have fallen out on worse things, it's ok I promise," he said coming to sit on the edge of the bed. "But still I don't want to get between you," she said letting a tear fall from her eyes. "Sweetie, you keep thinking that your less important in this relationship then our one is," you said cupping her face to look up at you. "My relationship with you both isn't as important then yours and Chris's," she said as her words stung. "Says who?" You gasped now annoyed that she felt like some sort of extra and not the real deal. "I'm sorry if I contributed towards that," you heard Christophers words as he walked into the room. "I'm sorry Chris," she started crying as he dashed to her holding her tight in his arms. "Baby why you crying, you have nothing to say sorry for," he said pressing kisses to her crown. "I should have said no to the baby idea," she said as your heart felt like it was squashed. "What why," you gasped as Christopher held his hand up to you. "Is this because you don't really want it?" He said drying her eyes to look at him. "It's because it's causing a divide between you both," she sobbed as he bit his lips deep in pain. "It's not causing a divide, I want a baby too you know, just I'm scared that this is too rushed. Especially since now I know Juyeon’s having another child. I want us to have a baby because we want one. Not because your desperate to show you moved on from him," he said as she looked your way. "I want a baby with you both, I really do. It has nothing to do with Juyeon," she said as you smiled her words so refreshing to your ears. "Fine, fine I agree," Christopher said sounding almost defeated. "Really?" She said looking surprised his way. "I'm still suspicious I won't lie, but if your certain you want our baby. Then I can't say no to helping to put a baby here," he said smiling heavenly. "Thank you," you said pressing your hand on his shoulder as he looked up towards you. "I won't lie and say you keeping things from me hasn't hurt. But I'm not having this baby for just you, I want to have a baby too," he said as you bit your lip excitedly.

Not wanting to waste a single second you pull Y/N and swing her over your shoulder. "Binnie," she shrieked as you slapped her ass earning a yelp. "Shhh your wake Jubin." You growl as you feel large hands hit your own ass. "Sorry I felt left out," Christopher said as you turned to him growling. "I'm going to fuck you up," you spluttered as he smirked. "Promises promises," he adds with a playful wink. Grabbing Christopher’s hand as your other hand grabs around Y/N's thighs you drag them both to your bedroom.

However, once through the door when you place Y/N to her feet, it’s herself who pins Christopher to the wall. Her mouth in heavily desperation for his tongue. He’s slightly taken back as you chuckle watching her feverishly attack him. Hands rushing like she's desperate for him towards his bottoms. Raking your teeth along your lower lip you can't help but feel aroused at the look of her dominating him. Hands gripping down his pants you know she's fondling his treasures. From the sounds you hear muffled by her own mouth you know he's enjoying her fierce display. But when you see his angry hard cock appear from his clothes you feel your own mouth salivating. Dropping to her knees you bite hard against your lips as your own cock strains. You can never get over watching Y/N suck him off. It’s like it should make you jealous, but instead your proud of the cry's she's making fall from his lips. Head falling to the back of the wall, eyes closed as he moans into the air. Impatience yourself, your hands find your own release of your cock. Pumping your hard member you feel your own breath lose itself in the moment. Y/N notices your actions and her hand opens like a child wanting their candy. Obliging you move closer to let her hand grip around, you groan as you feel your own body burn to her touch. Fluttering her eyes between you both, you feel so intoxicated and desperate for her mouth to help you out. "Can I eat both you out?" Y/N whispers slipping her mouth from Christopher’s dick. "Huh?" Christopher gasps her way. You can't help but inwardly feel feral from her suggestion. You've only done it once with her and you loved every second of her slick tongue against your ass. "Get on the bed both of you," she demands which has precum drip from you at the thought. Laying down mirroring Christopher as you both lean on your arms. You look to your elder who looks just as lost in Y/N as you do. Her hands falling to his thighs she enjoys feeling the muscles underneath as he flex's. You should get jealous the way that their lost in each others' eyes. But instead it makes your own core burn with excitement but also love. If only Y/N for one second could know that the love this relationship has for her. You would know then that Juyeon wouldn't be able to get to it. She drapes herself over Christopher, her lips finding his briefly before they follow down his body. It's like her lips are marvelling his defined torso. He breathes deeply as it lowers towards his hardened member. She takes his cock in her palm as she pumps it a few times to his soft moans. But when she takes him right down to his pelvis he tenses his stomach hissing as he sits up slightly. Tongue lapping his shaft makes him look fucked out. Like you his cock hardens like it's no longly flesh. Tongue dragging to his balls she sucks one in as he throws his head back biting himself. You can’t help but smile at his weakness to her mouth. But when she flips his legs over her, not looking as if she was struggling with the muscles resting heavily on her shoulder. Her fingers pull his cheeks apart as she looks once more at him Devilishly as she licks around his rim. You get lost in Christopher's face as he gets lost in the sensation and the goodness between his ass cheeks.

Your own cock is painfully erected and you rush to attend to your own needs. Hands grabbing around the base you softly moan yourself at how sensitive you're suddenly feeling. The noise alerting Y/N as her face looks up to you. Raking her teeth along her lips she sucks in a breath. "Naughty Binnie," she says with a raised eyebrow. "Your so inpatient," she chuckles with a wiggling finger. "You know how inpatient our Binnie gets," Christopher says with a matching smirk. You can feel your face burn but deep down you don't care you enjoy showing them your weakness for them. "You better attend to our man," Christopher says as Y/N licks her lips seductively.

Finger pumping your ass raw just like you like it has you throw your head back. "I should make you my bitch," she threatens that has your cock throbbing in almost pain. You rarely see her cocky seductive controlling self in the bedroom, especially not on you. You want to punish her for it but your too busy falling apart at the fast pace she has against your rectum. Christopher passed her the flavoured lube and she rubs it around your rim. Nibbling on your testicles you growl her way as she smirks before she falls to your ass. The warmth on her tongue flat out on your entrance is heaven. Poking her tongue inside as she fucks you with her wet muscle has you seeing stars as your stomach tenses. In his own arousal excitement Christopher starts pumping your cock making you become weak beneath them both. "Stop I need to cum in Y/N," you plead as he looks excited with the prospect of taking control of you now Y/N made you a sub. "You can baby, you can do this, hold on just a little longer," he whispers that has your body burn with the desperate need to release yourself. Y/N challenges you with her tongue and then her finger working at your ass is getting you closer to the edge. "You're doing so well Y/N, punishing our naughty Dwaekki," Christopher sniggers pleased with the mess he's witnessing. "Please I need to cum," you cry as Christopher looks at you with a different expression you've never witnessed. Leaning down towards your painful erection he takes your cock in his mouth. The warmth around you bursting you in space making the world disappear. His tongue curving around under the shaft as he lets rub as he bops up and down you. Too lost in the sensation your arms holding you up collapse. Rocking your pelvis into his mouth before helping to reach Y/N’s fingers, has you close to the edge. "I can't, I won't last," you cry before you can hold yourself back. Coming undone on his vibrating chuckle you thrust yourself into his mouth just a few more times, filling him up with your cum. Before you can scold him for letting you cum in his mouth he looks at you with hamster cheeks and excitement.

Tapping Y/N he points to the bed, as she obeys. His hands softly falling up the inside as he presses his mouth to her heat.

He dribbles some of your cum around her clit as his fingers help to lather and lubricate. Pressing over her entrance you can see him take her pussy into his awaiting mouth letting the cum mix into her awaiting hole. Moving away as a slight left-over dribble falls from his lips, has you look at him with pure lust as you feel your cock start to twitch again. Sitting between her legs he places his red angry cock in her entrance. "I need to fuck Binnie’s cum into you baby?" He declares with sudden confidence that you're really enjoying. "You put our baby into her," you whisper as your fingers find her clit. Christopher watched in awe as he pushed his cock into her in one sharp sweep. Her cry's are hitting in the room has fully brought your own erection back to life. His pupils blow when he sees your cum at the tip of his cock before he plunges back in to her again. The view has your cock feel painful with its desperation need to fill her again. Christopher soon notices and like suddenly he's become the inspired one in the bedroom he removes himself from Y/N.

Laying beside her, he rolls Y/N to face him on the bed. Tossing her leg over him his hands fall to her waist. You feel deprived from watching his cock sink into her as he starts his pace. His lips fall to her as they kiss passionately as if you didn't exist. It was rare to see them have sex solely between them both. In fact most of the solo sex was between you and her. It wasn't that Christopher didn't want to do it. It was that he didn't have the confidence to pounce on her like you. Her and Christopher was both alike fearing the first move, it was always you.

Christopher looks totally under her spell at that moment hands tangling in her hair as he suckled down her moans. It wasn't long before you could see her body start to shiver telling you she was at the edge. Christopher knew it too, pulling her closer as she came undone on his cock. You can see her juices leaked from beneath her onto the bed. Her thighs all wet and welcoming that you had an additional idea.

Sliding behind her you placed your throbbing cock on her wet soaked thighs. Pushing her leg from Christopher's waist over you, trapping you between her thighs. Hands falling to her waist, Christopher placed his behind your back, his eyes taking to you for that second. Fucking into her thighs you gritted your teeth as it felt so good. In that second Y/N was your sex toy as you both fucked away. Every now and then your cock would feel Christopher’s emerging into her dripping cunt. You could hear from his own whispery Moans he was close himself as you let yourself go. Fingers falling to Y/N’s clit to help her feel a lot more then the sex toy that you and Christopher was making her. Had her moans fall into the mix of the sounds from you both. "I'm going to cum," Christopher cry's as he looks at Y/N to double check she still wants this. "Please fill me up with your baby," she pleads as his ragged nails press into your skin. His fasten pace as the sweat drips down him, his eyes not falling from yours for a second as his nose scrunches so beautifully as he falls off the edge. Just the view in your eyes is enough to have you lost to your own as you forget your baby making plans and spill your seed all over her thighs and some of Christopher's too. "Your so impatient Binnie," he pants. His hands help to soak up the cum splatters to wipe it along Y/N’s pussy, that your fingers are still rubbing against. Throwing her head into Christopher's she falls off the edge once more. "I think some one has a pregnancy kink," you chuckle into her neck placing some kisses. "Then let's hope we have plenty of time to practise," she winks almost exhausted at you. "Don't go to sleep missy we're not finished," Christopher says as she chuckles his way. "Are we sure it's just me with a pregnancy kink because it's sure done something to Chris," she chuckles before brushing a kiss on his jaw line, giving herself some time before another round of baby making.

--------------------🔺------------------ (Juyeon's POV)

"He said what?" You gasped at Eric. "He didn't know she would hear," he tried to explain as you closed your eyes in pain. This should be the news you wanted, for Y/N to tell your daughter the truth but instead you felt dread. Your little princess already held a confusing life with two dads. Throwing a third and being the real dad would likely have confused her even more. Plus the chemistry that had been burning between you both recently was at risk of collapsing into a fall blown science project catastrophe. You knew deep down somewhere though you had tried to put it on hope that Y/N wasn't in love with them. She was stuck trapped in a relationship because she thought it was best for the daughter she thought you didn't want. Her actions earlier had proven to you that she still was deeply connected with you. "Earth to Juyeon," Eric snapped bringing your attention back to him. "I think you need to go to her sort this out, for Jubin’s sake," he explained as you looked at him still a little dazed. "She knows your her dad, she's going to be so confused. Changbin and Christopher are good people you need to discuss this all as one family unit," Eric said as Lulu came out of the room behind him. "Eric she really needs you in there," she says as her eyes light up at yours. Their sparkling as they always are but this time she's not completely devotedly on yours. But before you could talk to her properly you notice she's not wearing the same bulky jacket she arrived in moments before Eric did. Your eyes instead fell on her stomach a well-defined bump once almost as big as Elle’s. Heart thundering in your chest memories of your night at the wedding. The one time you had unprotected sex and promised her a baby in your desire to imagine her as Y/N. You had done it again you had got someone pregnant. Falling backwards you almost fell as you tried to reach for the wall. This wasn't happening, it couldn't be not again. If Y/N didn't hate you anymore she would now.

Player in Denial

Main Masterlist

[dreamingofyeo]

Crescent: chapter 6 ☾⋆⁺₊✧

Branches of guilt

masterlist - playlist

1202 words

~ ☆彡~ Tumblr's algorithm works from reblogs so if you like my work please consider It

Hongjoong POV

Guilt. Raging guilt is all that fills my mind. It is ever consuming. It often feels as though my soul won’t let me form a single thought unrelated to it. Guilt over everything.

My past does not define me, that is what I keep on answering that guilt with. Yet my present seems to be nothing but an echo of my previous mistakes, like it is taunting me for the very idea that forgiving myself is even an option to be considered.

And through all of that I find myself unable to regret the decision to seek help in Arla. It was a selfish decision, one made based on instinct that she would be my best option. I saw her kind nature throughout the day I was planning my escape and completely took advantage of it, I knew she would help me.

That selfish knowledge cast out thoughts of consequence like one casts away a piece of parchment with the wrong words expressed upon it. That too, brings me great guilt. I abandoned my moral compass just as I had before, for my own selfish interest. There was no reason for me to want to escape those poorly built cells, to slip past the dim-witted guards, no purpose in my life to drive me into choosing myself over this poor girl’s livelihood. No matter how poor of an impression the people around her gave me of it. Yet something spurred me into my decision to escape, the more I think of it the more I realise it was the way she looked at me when I was in the stocks. Not an ounce of judgment or pity, just curiosity.

The way her mistress spoke of her viewing myself as innocent made me almost laugh in irony if it were not for the dehumanising expression she wore. For Arla in my eyes seems just that, innocent. Pure, not in the way that makes a man strive to corrupt, but pure in a way that makes a man strive to protect. Another reason guilt eats away at my conscience like a moth to a garment. It feels almost suffocating when she looks at me with that same soft expression on her features as the one when she first saw me. I deserve to be looked at with animosity for uprooting her as I have. It makes me unsure if I dread or long for the day when her gaze will morph into such an emotion. An internal debate which furthers the feelings of selfishness and guilt.

This endless hurricane of thoughts is what drove me out of the bed Felix showed me to and has me wondering aimlessly across the winding bridges of the elven palace. Is palace even the right term? Fraija stated he is not royalty but the elves opposition to violence makes ‘fortress’ seem contradictory to their nature. I’ll stick with palace, the place is certainly beautiful enough to be described as such.

The distinct feeling of being watched snaps me out of my head and has me carefully observing my surroundings, there is nobody with me on the bridge.

“You know, it’s awfully unnerving to have you sneaking around at this hour. If your aim was subtlety you’ve most certainly flouted it.”

The voice to my left whips me around in a moment of utter panic and exposure, I swallow roughly before regaining my composure. Nobody gets to see me when I feel like this, not again.

I still can’t see where the voice is coming from, but it’s not on the bridge which leaves the branches cascading around it as the only liable option. The voice belongs to Hyunjin, someone I could definitely live without. God the obnoxious trill of his voice is enough to make me forget all my thoughts, in a strange way it soothes me. Not that I will ever admit that to him, but the temptation to indulge in such a rare luxury pulls me into responding to him. (With equal bite obviously).

“Not that it would quell your distaste for my welcome, but I wasn’t sneaking.”

It doesn’t have nearly as much wit as I’d like but it’s all I have right now.

“If not sneaking then what? Do indulge me.”

Lord he’s irritating. I really don't understand why he seemingly distrusts me so deeply.

“Trouble sleeping in new places, fancied a wonder. That satisfactory enough for you Hyunjin?.”

A low chuckle rings from his shrouded position and he carefully stands up coming into my view. Easily crossing the branches until he settles again on one a couple of feet from the bridge, he tilts his head at me in mock curiosity.

“You’re unusually pliant right now, didn’t take you for the nervous type.”

The slight lack of bite in his tone despite his word choice confuses me, making me resist the urge to roll my eyes at him. Almost. Hyunjin chuckles again at that. I don’t care to give him any more than this so I return the snarky action with a curt nod before walking away from the irritating elf.

~

Reader/ Arla POV

You’re laying awake in your bed again now. Completely lost in your own thoughts whilst feeling detached all the same. Those thoughts are screaming at you, yet are incoherent and utterly foreign. You don’t understand what they’re saying, just feeling an inexplicable weight on your chest. Every sound you can hear is gnawing at your skull, as if they’re making some fucked up attempt at letting out the demons that are the very spawn of your own subconscious.

The particular sound of Hongjoong returning to his bed across the room shatters the bubble of anxiety around you. He’d left not long ago to god knows where, he’d seemed troubled judging from the tossing and turning so you’d decided against questioning him. That and hoping you’d be able to finally fall asleep without his restless presence, alas, that has not happened.

The ebony haired man looks at you, probably assuming that you’re asleep from your lack of movement and the lack of light in the space. You can just make out his features through your barely open eyes, he has a soft, forlorn look about him for reasons you can’t decipher. Your heart rate becomes uneven as he takes a few steps towards you, pausing as if conflicted before continuing to do so. You finally allow your eyes to close, the idea of having to speak so soon after leaving your previous headpace feels far to awkward. His actions shock you, placing a gentle hand on the top of your head he softly rubs his thumb over your brow a few times, barely audibly whispering.

“I’m sorry I dragged you into my mess, I’ll make it up to you. Sleep well Arla.”

You wanted to comfort him in that moment, reassure him that the past several hours have felt anything but a mess. That you felt alive again. But the soft feeling of his gentle touches lulled you too close to sleep to will yourself to speak. And so you slept, with the resolve in the back of your mind to show him how wrong he was.

<-chapter 5~chapter 7->

taglist

[sweetrays]

Kind of embarrassed to post this because it's so short & lazy but here's an excerpt I wrote a few days ago from my current whump WIP. Just a quick little dialogue exchange between Rufio & Wendy. If this is intriguing to anyone, I might post more about it 👀

-

...there was sympathy in Wendy's eyes, but she was almost speechless. Rufio drew a hand over his face and sighed heavily, though the tight bandaging restricted his breathing almost completely. 

"Why are you here anyway?"

"I wanted to say I'm sorry. I had no idea you were dying. No one would tell me what was going on." 

He laughed in that way he always did when too many shots of brandy had passed his lips except there was burning, ferocious anger. 

"I don't want little girl pity." Rufio snarled. Wendy sighed and looked on past the fury to see that frightened boy in unimaginable pain. She wanted to do what any caring person would. She wanted to take his hand. She wanted to kiss him again, just without the lustful intentions of the night before. But she doubted strongly that he wanted anything of the sort from her. 

She was right to doubt. Rufio wanted her to leave. If not for a branded, open wound and a weakened heart, he would've pulled his blade on her right then, and thrust it forward. Then, he'd smile with contentment, watching that pathetic, puppy-like stare turn into helplessly tragic confusion as she bled before him. 

A strong contrast of wants between the two. 

"Look," Wendy began "If I had been there I would've helped in every way I possibly could. I know how to treat wounds and I can administer antidotes." 

"I don't give two fucks what you could'a done, White Dove." If not for a sudden uprise of negative emotions stirring within her, she would've smiled at the way he used that title for her even in the midst of anger. "I'm glad it was Felix who was there and not you. I'd rather die than give in to the pity of some lonely bitch." The boy spat, though it didn't come out as strongly as he'd intended, it still was enough to cut through the heart of this sensitive girl. 

"You're a cruel and wicked boy, Rufio! What a horrid thing to say to a girl who cares deeply about you!" Wendy snapped. Tears brimmed in her eyes, her pale facial complexion burning red. She got up from the bedside chair, attempted kicking it over but was only successful the third time, then finally she stormed off. 

Now Rufio was finally alone. For the first few moments it felt like a relief. But burning guilt didn't hesitate to catch his arrogance...

I will write more if anyone wants me to  

[manybcdthings]

"Are you lying to me, Isabella?" Felix asked, his voice dripping with playful mock-seriousness. The smirk glued to his face betrayed him, especially as her giddy laughter spilled into the air between them. Her laughter had a way of making him double down on the teasing, so he slid his hand along her arm, lazily taking hold of her wrist and flopping her hand around like a marionette. Purely so her ring would gleam under the lights. "Yes, I can. It absolutely means that. That's what you saying yes was for, didn't you know?" he insisted, voice muffled between kisses he couldn't stop pressing to her lips. Each one barely grazed, like punctuation marks to his words.

He pulled away just enough to shoot her an exaggerated look of disbelief, his brow raised high. "You do know that's completely wrong, right? Please tell me you know that and you're just trying to annoy me." his grin stayed locked in place though, because it was impossible for Bella to truly irk him. He was certain of it. But still, Felix let out a dramatic hum of faux agreement. "Oh, I never said understanding you was a good thing," he added with a well-meaning grin, giving her hand a squeeze. "Actually, the more I understand, the more I realize something's not quite right up here." he tapped his temple lightly, failing to keep a straight face because, well, he'd figured that out long before they'd even met.

Things shifted slightly when Nico Garcia's name came up, but Felix couldn't be serious for long, especially not about Nico. "I guess knowing of him is more accurate." he mused, a grin creeping back as he chuckled. "Yeah, that sounds like Nico." but what really got him was the idea of Ophelia on a date. He glanced down at Bella with a quick laugh. "Well, if Fee is having a hard time not talking, she probably knows it's a date." he threw the teasing jab at the other Westwood's direction, though she wasn’t even there to defend herself.

Felix's laughter turned louder and more sudden at Bella's joke about France and cheese, nodding along as if he couldn't help himself. "That actually sounds accurate, I think. From what I've read." he said, though his amusement dropped comically fast when she ribbed him about his repetitive words. He shot her a deadpan look. "You're not funny. I could have a stutter." he quipped, though the grin playing at the edge of his lips suggested otherwise.

As they walked on, the crowd around the ImmersiSphere loomed closer, and so did the protest. Felix read the signs, heard the chants. There it was, that tug of guilt he'd been feeling ever since Bella entered his life. It was harder to ignore the disparities now, and, more importantly, he didn't want to ignore them. When he noticed her starting to shrink inward, his arm instinctively wrapped around her, shielding her from the crowd. "You're allowed to enjoy yourself." he reminded her softly, his voice gentle. "And technically, we haven’t even paid for this so we're not contributing." he added, a small smile in his tone as he gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Will you disown me if I keep coming back, though?"

He'd always been aware of how easily he could slip into certain traits of his parents, sometimes without even realizing it. As they joined the waiting crowd for the open day, he could feel himself becoming uneasy, shifting uncomfortably in place just like his mother would in a situation like this. Yet, like his father, he accepted that sometimes you just had to grin and bear it. But as his eyes flickered to Bella, the thought of any Outreach users recognizing her pushed him into action faster than his own discomfort could.

Without realizing, Felix did exactly what his father did moments earlier. "Hold on," he said, kissing her cheek before vanishing. It wasn't long before he flagged down a staff member, requesting a more private place to wait. A few moments later, they were led to a room. Felix let out a sigh of relief as soon as the door clicked shut, his shoulders dropping with visible ease. "Oh fuck, that's better." he huffed. "We really should've come back when it wasn't an open day. I completely forgot that means everyone would be here." Felix tilting his head side to side to get a satisfying click from his neck, completely unaware of his parents in the next room.

"That's what I was thinking, too." Bella quickly responds, fighting her grin as she studies Felix with a pretend look of suspicion. "So, we were both thinking respectful, normal things about this person." she adds, but her laugh quickly bursts out when he squeezes her sides. "I'm telling the truth!" Bella protests, words quickly muffled against Felix's mouth as they kiss. Not once or twice, but three warm and tender kisses that has Bella's smile widening as her chuckles grow. "You can't just win an argument by kissing me." she teases, because he can and he often does.

"No, I didn't mean it like that. I meant I have the same opinion but it just evolved from what I already had. It's the same but different." she explains her reasoning, but truthfully, Bella doesn't even remember what her apparent passionate opinion was to begin with. Her head flops to the side with a little huff as Felix's playful dramatics continue, her eyes rolling but there's no true annoyance in her expression. "You know I didn't mean it like that." she slumps her shoulders then, reaching for his hand. "Of course you understand me. I'm just not sure if that's a good thing or not." she quickly teases him, giving him a grin.

Bella doesn't doubt that Felix has memorized everything there is to know about France. What's been managed to be archived through history, anyways. His intensity touches every part of his life, but it's something she's always found endearing. "Oh Gosh, I want to stay away from encouraging relationships there. There's, oh...you might know him, Nico Garcia? He's helping us but..." Bella's eyes widen in a playfully worried look. "He's definitely not there for honest reasons." she explains before getting back to her point. "But yeah, Fee is a hundred percent on a date. I'm just not sure if either of them even realize it."

Swinging their joined hands as they walk, Bella soon notices the sudden shift in Felix and it warms her to witness. That, really, despite the expansive luxury he was raised in, still something quite simple such as visiting somewhere can make his entire day. She laughs about the smell, wrinkling her nose. "Is it bad that I immediately imagined a very cheesy smell?" she chuckles, catching his mishap of words too and not wanting him to forget them. "Well, it's good we're almost there there there." Bella quips, the two of them closer to the experience when the growing protest is in earshot. Bella uses Felix as her human shield then, tucking slightly at his side and keeping her face down. "People from Outreach might be there and recognize me. I don't want to seem like a traitor."

[daceydeath]

Hierarchy (Chapter 2)

Chapter 2

Heirachy: a system, especially in a society or organization, in which people are organized into different levels of importance from highest to lowest.

Parings: Mafia Changbin x Female Reader, Mafia Felix x Female Reader Word Count: 4.9k Genre: Mafia au, friends to lovers, angst Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, Swearing (heaps), blood, mentions of murder, violence, suggestive themes, general criminal activities, sex scenes (partial)

You have always been utterly uninteresting, safely boring as close . You had a normal job, normal friends and the sweetest bestie on the planet but now everything is upside down and that best friend of yours is far more dangerous than you could have ever imagined.

Changbin was truly enraged, not just with little fuckers who dared mess with his crew but these absolute cunts dared to target you as a way to get back at him. He was also furious that you were taking everything so well, considering how scared you must have been, you hadn't even flinched when Chan, Han or Hyunjin had spoken about what it is he does until he ended up blowing up on you just to get the reaction he thought you should have. Now instead of seeking him for safety you were upstairs in Felix's bed instead of his and Chan and Minho were yelling at him although it was probably obvious to everyone that he wasn't paying attention in the slightest.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" Minho growled eyes blazing.

He didn't care he was too busy pacing waiting for Felix to come back so he could punch him in his pretty little face for pulling you away from him, Felix didn't get to play the hero that was his job, his right, you were his not Felix's except that you weren't not really. He faintly heard Chan's phone vibrate from where it was sat on the table but he didn't really care unless it was about killing one of the little dicks causing all of this mess.

"Lix won't be rejoining us tonight, she's too frightened and wants him to stay with her" Chan explained bluntly "You hear me Bin she is too freaked out by you to let Felix leave her, you fucking dumb arse" He stopped pacing finally looking back at Chan.

"I'm going out then" he snapped "Seungmin text me the details on the waiter kid, I'll pick him up and ask him some questions"

"That's a shit idea man" Hyunjin started irritably "Let Han and I do it tomorrow you are terrible at getting information"

"Bed everyone we will work the rest out in the morning unless something comes in before that" Chan clapped ending the discussion as he got up and strode from the room the others all following him except for Han.

"Dude pull your head out of your arse before you actually have to start worrying about Felix" Han muttered patting Changbin on the shoulder exasperatedly before leaving him alone. The room was far to stifling to stay in now that the rage had started to make his way out of his system the guilt was creeping in. He knew in all the years he had known you he had never show that side of himself to you, you would have sworn on your own life that he was your big protective teddy bear but now you probably thought he was a monster that you had to fear. Hating himself for causing your eyes to widen in fear while looking at him and how your voice shook as you looked to fucking Felix for help was crushing him. Sighing deeply he went back upstairs to his, obviously, empty room and got himself changed into his work gear, knowing Seungmin would have sent him the details like he had asked for even if it was just to calm him down.

Sure enough when he checked his phone the file on the first piece of the puzzle was there ready and waiting, he would thank Seungmin in the morning first he was going to see if he could collect this one of his own and if not he would let Hyunjin do it tomorrow. The little fucker was technically still a kid, 19 years old and useless enough to get caught by the target that he was hoping to grab, it should be easy enough for Changbin to do this job alone. He lived in a pretty rough part of SKZ territory so it in theory should be smooth sailing, grabbing his go bag Changbin made his was down to the garage quietly but not intentionally trying not to get caught by any of the others especially since Seungmin would easily see that he had accessed the info he had sent. The cars and vans were lined up like always and the drivers room had all the keys lined up just waiting for him so without a moment to second guess himself he set off for the Northern side of their area.

Making three passes of the block over the space of 30 minutes was usually a piss poor move, you were much more likely to be noticed, but with the neighborhood looking like a crackheads paradise it was unlikely anyone would actually notice. Parking up behind the apartment block Changbin went over everything he needed for the job and any extra points of entry he might need to know about beside the fire escape there seemed to only be the main stairwell and elevator so it should be easy enough to get in an out fast and unnoticed. With his gun in it holster under his bomber jacket and his hood up he entered the building and took the stairs to the 5th floor finding apartment 503 with no issues what so ever, picking the lock with ease, primarily due to shitty building maintenance, helped pick his mood up slightly and the fact that the guy was asleep on his couch just inside the door made it all seem like a cake walk, which it almost never is made Changbin more suspicious than usual. Backing up he walked smoothly back to the van and got in and left quietly and without a fuss. He would need to discuss this with the guys in the morning too easy is always a trap. Halfway back to the company his phone rang Seungmin's symbol scrolling across his screen.

"So did you kill him or what?" Seungmin asked sarcastically the smirk on his face clear through his voice

"Nope" he chuckled

"Did you actually pick him up then? Fuck I own Jeongin 1K now" Seungmin muttered

"Didn't pick him up either"

"Well what the fuck are you doing?" Seungmin sounded both impressed and annoyed at the same time.

"It was too easy, there was something off about the whole thing. I'm heading back now, talk to you then" Changbin hung up almost picturing the wheels turning in Seungmin's head about what might be going on. the drive back was as equally uneventful as the scoping of the block which further heightened the sense something was very off. Seungmin was waiting with Jeongin in the garage when he got back both had changed back into their casuals and looked bored, but that shifted as he got out of the van.

"What did you mean too easy?" Jeongin started as soon as he shut the drivers side door.

"No one in the street, no locked entrance way, no surveillance in the halls, easy lock to pick and the fucker was just laying there asleep on the couch not 3 meters from the door. Too easy" he explained as he followed them back inside and into their meeting room.

"He is only a kid though maybe he knows so little they don't see the need to look out for him" Jeongin shrugged grabbing a bottle from the fridge in the back.

"Or maybe they knew you would be so angry you would do the job yourself" Seungmin frowned picking up the file of info he had on the guy.

"I got out of there as soon as my gut told me to, Hyunjin and Han can grab him"

"Still....what was the last deal you made? Or what was the last deal that went bad?" Seungmin was pensive as he started bringing up records on the screen in front of him.

"I acquired us the 801 bar and the nightclub Stay a month ago that was the last big deal that was from the JYP group so nothing was going to go wrong on that one they are a legitimate corporation so its an easy way to legitimize our funds" he was still not sure about Minho's last large deal but he could figure that out with him tomorrow.

"Yeah that one wouldn't be an issue" Jeongin agreed "they are still too large to notice that we are using them to our benefit and not the other way around"

"Ok then last shit deal then?" Seungmin was still looking at the screen but he cocked his eyebrow regardless.

"There haven't been any bad ones for years, not since we took half the city, all the shit ones happened prior to that" watching both Jeongin and Seungmin work was boring for the most part, it was all keyboard key and mouse clicks as the looked up file after file.

"I'm going to bed I'll check with Minho in the morning to be sure though" the other two nodded as Changbin left and wandered up the stairs to his bedroom. He was tempted to go to Felix's room and give you a groveling apology before whisking you back to his room, but deep down he knew it would take more than that to make you feel better.

You awoke to the soft sounds of breathing above your head and remembered that you were spending the night in Felix's room meaning unfortunately that none of the last day or so was a dream, you were in fact living in your own little nightmare. Felix must have felt you tense because he mumbled something before pulling you back in closer to cuddle you tighter his hands rubbing up and down your back to ease your stress, warmth bloomed in your chest as his attentions making you press yourself even closer to him.

"You alright bubs?" he whispered groggily making you feel guilty for waking him after such a long night.

"Yeah Lixie, go back to sleep I didn't mean to wake you" you shushed as you listened to his heartbeat from where your head lay on his chest, despite how inappropriately intimate it might have looked from the outside you were happy to cuddle Felix he was always very physical with his affections, holding you hand or cuddling you when you watched movies, feeding you when you ate together or wrapping his arms around you in public. You always liked that he was so freely physically affectionate to you it made you feel good to have his attention and in moments like this it felt a little too good.

"I don't think it's morning yet" he mumbled again still half dozing

"Just cuddle me for a little tighter please Lixie" you whispered shakily at him, you heard a faint giggle from his lips as he began to trace patterns into your skin as he woke up a little more to check the time. Your emotions were too stretched for you to even think clearly as you wrapped your right leg around Felix's waist hoping to get even closer his warmth, his scent and his body making you feel so much safer than you had since this all began.

"Bub's what are you doing?" Felix almost groaned as you pressed your clothed core against his hip the heat from your center heating up his skin.

"Need more lix, need to feel safe" you murmured against his chest where you had buried your head into him your breath coming out in soft almost pants.

"Tell me what you need" his voice turned husky as his hands slipping under your shirt to drag his fingertips against your bare skin.

"You" you gasped feeling like your skin was burning everywhere his fingers tips touched, looking up at him you could see his eyes darken and a slow smirk appeared on his lips before he let go of you. Blinking you craned your neck up until you could feel his breath against your lips.

"You sure baby?" he whispered seductively, you nodded instantly and Felix crashed his lips into yours. It was passionate but soft his soft lips sliding against yours. Running his tongue along the seam of your lips you moaned allowing him access to your mouth his tongue dancing with yours as you unconsciously started to grind yourself against his hip.

Taking this as all the permission he needed he rolled you onto your back settling himself between your thighs pressing himself against you and he let his hands roam under your shirt to your tits softly needing them as you whined beneath him. Pushing him away softly you sat up to pull your shirt over your head giving him more room to touch you how you wanted him to, he followed suit discarding as much clothing as he could before you dragged him back to your lips. Kissing his way down your jaw and neck he attached himself to one of your already hardened nipples rolling his tongue around it slowly as he pinched and teased the other.

"More" you mewled again your fingers threading through his soft hair to tug it slightly, he chuckled darkly running his hand teasingly down your side until it reached the waistband of your pants before sliding under toward your needy cunt. Too lost in what you were feeling you totally missed the soft knock at the door.

"Fuck...shit...fuck...sorry" Han yelped stopping you with a shock, you hadn't even heard the door open you were so wrapped up in Felix but he did because he was glaring a Han openly as he covered you with his body and a blanket and chucked something at him

"Get out Han" he growled trying to keep you from being seen too much which made Han instantly shut the door again behind him.

"Probably good it was Han and not Changbin huh?" Felix sighed pulling the blanket up to your chin as he got off the bed to find your shirt. "I think this would be a good time to stop and go back to sleep" You nodded feeling both ashamed and embarrassed at what had almost happened with Felix more so than being caught. You had been friends for so long that you couldn't even begin to apologize to him for what you had done.

"I'm sorry Lix, I can go sleep somewhere else, I'm sorry" you almost sobbed your eyes wide and filling with tears and you pulled your shirt back on.

"Shh no tears bubs, it's alright it's just from the all the adrenaline and stress you did nothing wrong, nothing will change were still friends and we will always be friends yeah" Felix soothed you holding you close again "We can never think about it again if you want".

Felix continued you hold you tightly like he had been before you woke him up and tried to jump him and eventually you must have fallen asleep again because the next thing you remembered was Felix gently shaking you awake.

"Let go downstairs and get you something to eat" he softly cooed grinning like the cat that got the cream and you pulled one of his hoodies on slowly.

"Don't worry Han won't have said anything, he may give me shit but he won't upset you" Felix rolled his eyes making you feel slightly better about everything.

Felix led you down to the kitchen where Minho, Hyunjin and Jeongin were standing around drinking coffee making you feel self conscious as you were still wearing the clothes that Felix had given you to sleep in you stayed as hidden behind behind Felix as you could not wanting to interrupt or intrude but they stopped speaking as soon as they saw you. Felix moved away from you to start finding you something to eat leaving you standing by the island bench fiddling with your fingers.

"Good morning, did you sleep alright?" Minho smiled he seemed to be trying his hardest to not seem intimidating to you as possible.

"I did thank you Minho" you half smiled back shyly.

"Chan would like to speak with you again this morning with Felix if you're up for it of course" Jeongin started to speak to you as your eyes grew alarmed thinking back to last night.

"We understand it's been hard so he can talk to you this afternoon if that's better" Hyunjin cut in smoothly giving you his normal dazzling smile. You felt less like a problem to them and more like someone they wanted to keep as comfortable as possible and you started to relax a little but that dissipated as Binnie walked into the kitchen.

"Morning" he almost groaned rubbing his face and walking straight past you to the coffee maker.

"Did you go out again last night?" Hyunjin asked him snidely barely hiding the annoyance in his voice.

"Yeah but you and Han are still on for today" Binnie drawled adding an absurd amount of sugar to his coffee still seeming unaware of your presence "Lix, if you are making her coffee she likes strong, with milk and honey not sugar and if you make it iced she will be even happier" he spoke to Felix normally taking large sips of the coffee he had made himself as Felix laughed as covertly as possible as if he didn't in fact already know that about you.

"You know her coffee order?" Minho asked his eyebrows rising until they disappeared under his fringe

"I'd be a shitty friend if I didn't know it" Chanbin grumbled making himself a second cup instantly "besides don't you know important details about the woman you are in...." turning his eyes widened as he saw you leaning silently on the island bench watching him intently.

"Binnie isn't wrong about how I like my coffee" you shrugged smiling at him slightly.

"Doll, can we have a minute after you have had breakfast and everything" Changbin whispered to you stepping as close to you as he dared.

"Chan wants to speak with her first Bin" Felix exhaled handing over the large glass of iced coffee to you. Changbin looked between you and Felix and you watched his eyes darken slightly as he noticed you were now in Felix's clothes and not his and stepped back again.

"I'll come find you after then" he nodded walking briskly from the kitchen.

"Well that was fucking awkward" Hyunjin smirked.

"Shut up Hyunjin" you whined taking a large sip of your drink.

Chan called you down to the meeting room an hour later after you had had time to find more clothes to wear, this time opting to go with Mrs Choi's help who had gone out and purchased you a stupidly large amount of clothing to chose from, and selecting clothes that were at least your size and didn't belong to anyone in the house. You noticed that just before that Han, Hyunjin and Changbin had all seemed to disappear which was probably a good thing you didn't want to upset Binnie further than he already had been.

Chan had seemed relaxed when you and Felix walked in which gave you the impression that they at least trusted you enough to not flee in panic every time you heard something less than ideal.

"I'm sorry about the last time you were in here" Chan apologized genuinely "Changin was way out of line".

"It's fine Chan, I'm alright" you smiled "I'm sorry I stole Felix away from his...work" Felix properly laughed at your attempt to put into words what you meant which made Chan grin.

"I wanted to talk to you about things that you might have noticed but never pieced together which could help us now" he explained smoothly "But we can stop any time you want and Felix is right here with you so you don't need to worry".

"I'm really fine Chan, I'll tell you everything I can" you nodded. Chan stood up and opened the door to let Jeongin and Seungmin in who both waved at you as they took seats on the other couch from you.

"Ok, how many times in the last say year, have you noticed new people moving into your apartment block? and how many would you say were single guys about your own age?".

"um..." you thought back through everything you could remember outside of the last guy which Chan had shown you a photo of the night before. "probably 6 people moved in and maybe 3 of them were guys, one lives on the first floor and the others live somewhere above me" Chan nodded as Seungmin began typing on his laptop quietly.

"Have you had any interactions with them?"

"Only saying hello in passing nothing else"

"Have you noticed any major staff changes at the café or shops you go to frequently? Overly friendly new people trying to get to know you specifically?" Chan questioned his voice still casual as you sat and thought for a while.

"The girl I talk to all the time at the convenience store has worked there for years and I don't chat with any of the other employees there. There are always new people at the café they turn over a lot of staff but they are all college students. The barista is nice though I talk with him sometimes" you explained thinking back on every little detail you could which wasn't that much really but it must have been something because Jeongin started typing too.

"Now this is a bit personal, so please forgive us and we won't mention it to Changbin, but have there been any guys you have been seeing even casually?" Chan probed gently making your cheeks warm with embarrassment.

"No, and I haven't dated for a while" you muttered "The last guy I was seeing, he ghosted me after a few months, Binnie knew about him and I haven't really had time to find anyone since I got more hours at work" you tried to explain as smoothly as possible but it still came out awkward.

"So work then, new employees or overly friendly people around?" Chan easily changed the subject which eased the tension you felt about explaining your none existent love life to others.

"Sometimes my boss lets the bigger clients be overly flirty with me, he says that helps with business, there are always interns coming and going from one department to the other. My boss is nice to me mostly, he can be sleazy and gross at times, but he's never actually done anything to me" You disclosed hoping Felix wouldn't react too badly but you still heard him grind his teeth together and an almost growl come from the back of his throat "It's alright Lixie, he's never touched me or anything" you tried reassuring him but then noticed that it wasn't just him who was offended by the notion you were being harassed at work as Chan's face had turned hard and his eyes had darkened as he made a fist with one of his hands.

"Now you know who we are bubs, I will knock his teeth in the next time he says or does anything" Felix kept his voice low but the threat was almost chilling as the anger in his eyes shone.

"I will tell you if I can't handle it, but I've managed it so far pretty well" you sighed lacing your fingers with his and bumping yourself against his shoulder.

"We definitely wont mention that the Bin got it?" Chan recovered looking at each of the guys who nodded in return. The room fell into a quiet lull after that the only sounds really being the clicking of keyboard keys.

"The new neighbors all check out" Seungmin sighed closing his laptop.

"So does the convenience store and café" Jeongin agreed "but we will look into your workplace a bit later, we will need Felix for that" Chan's phone then started buzzing and he excused himself.

"Was that enough?" you whispered to Felix and Seungmin and Jeongin followed Chan out of the room.

"You did great bubs" Felix praised pulling you to your feet and kissing your temple softly.

You felt lighter now that speaking with Chan was over, they had all been calm and gentle with you which had gone a long way in making you feel better about the situation, although it wasn't much since your life was still in limbo. Your boss had not been impressed when you called in sick due to a family emergency but he let you have at least a week since you hardly ever missed a day at work.

"How about you go upstairs watch a movie, eat some junk food just generally chill out" Felix asked bumping his shoulder against you as you walked out of the room together.

"That sounds really nice Lix as long as your sure" you grinned already thinking of the chocolate you could eat as you relaxed.

"Always bubs, I like spending time with you" he assured taking your hand in his.

Settling in on Felix's bed you scrolled through the streaming services eventually deciding that video games would be more distracting since you didn't want to bother anyone to babysit you more than they already were. You grabbed a controller and turned on the console deciding to just play whatever Felix had last been playing, laughing when Pokemon loaded up after an hour or so Felix returned smiling widely when he saw you were playing and enjoying yourself.

"Having fun bubs?" He asked, eyes crinkling up at your expression

"Yes but it's more fun if I have someone to play with" you pouted childishly.

"Is that so? Well I think I can fix that" Felix laughed changing the game and picking up another controller "Mario?" you nodded enthusiastically grinning at him.

Your phone pinged with a notification but you left it you were too caught up in trying to beat Felix in Mario Kart to prioritize your phone right now. Felix had beaten you three times and you were pretty sure he was going easy on you too. He was laughing as you scrunched up you face as you lost a forth game in a row.

"Wasn't that your phone?" Felix smirked teasing you further by tackling you onto the bed making you giggle as you landed on your back him hovering over you tickling you lightly.

"Yes" you whined picking it up trying very hard not to laugh as the screen lit up.

"Is it your boss? a secret lover? someone who you can't live without?" he continued to joke around trying to keep your mood up you assumed.

"It's from Binnie" you gasped finally giving in and giggling at his tickling.

"Oh" Felix breathed stopping his tickling and moving so that he was no longer touching you "you should answer then".

"I can talk to him later on I thought we were already having fun Lix" you smiled softly at him noticing how reserved he was now being "Why does Binnie texting me change what we were doing?" you asked confused

"It doesn't bubs, I just thought you would want to sort it all out with him as soon as possible, he is your best friend" Felix smiled softly reaching out to smooth your hair.

"I don't know what to say to him yet" you admitted looking into Felix's whiskey colored eyes for some kind of help. "I would rather stay here with you and have fun right now, I'm only just starting to feel normal" you sighed.

"Then stay and I'll just beat you another 4 times then" Felix's grinned wickedly making you feel warm again, the boy was a grade A flirt when he wanted to be and after last night you were sure he was doing to get a rise out of you. Scooting closer to you again he took up his spot beside you as you began another round, instantly swearing at him when he started properly wiping the floor with you.

"Ok, you win Lix, you're the greatest Mario player in the whole world! Happy?" You fake whinged flopping back on the bed leaving him towering over you from where he was sitting. Rolling his eyes he flopped down beside you looking far too pleased with himself.

"I already knew I was the best I just had to prove it to you bubs" he answered smugly a mischievous look in his eyes before he attacked you with another round of tickles. You squirmed away as fast as you could but Felix was faster and stronger pulling you back under him so he was caging you in with his thighs, you were now pinned to the bed wiggling trying to get away from his tickles which were slowly morphing to to lingering touches as Felix lent down to press his lips tentatively to yours, testing the waters of what you needed from him.

"For fucks sake again??" Han tried not to yell knowing Changbin was only down the hall dramatically covering his eyes.

"Calm down Han" Felix sighed at his friend's mortified expression.

"Whatever man" Han rolled his eyes "We need you downstairs to help out" he seemed hard to not say too much which you assumed meant work related. Felix nodded getting up languidly and following him from the room.

"Go see Binnie bubs, you need to kiss and make up" he teased on his way out of the room leaving you laying on your back feeling conflicted about how you were feeling about not only Changbin but Felix too.

a/n: Thank you for reading I wish I could give you all the cookies. Please reblog and comment if you liked it and I if you want to be added to the tag list let me knowx

Taglist (open): @christopher-bangnaldoskzz @3sriracha

[blu-joons]

When He Finds Out That You’re Pregnant From Another Member ~ Stray Kids Reaction

Bang Chan:

You hummed in response to the knock that came at Chan’s room door, looking across to see Jeongin poking his head around the door. “This might be a little personal, but I don’t suppose that this is yours?”

“Is what mine?” You questioned.

“This,” Jeongin weakly smiled, bringing the pregnancy test that he found in the bathroom out.

“Is what Y/N’s?” Chan asked, coming back into the room at just the right moment to see Jeongin holding up the test for you.

You sunk down in your seat as Chan’s eyes flickered across at you. “I didn’t realise that I’d left it in the bathroom, I thought I brought it back in here.”

“Is it positive?” Chan quizzed, looking at the test that Jeongin was still holding out, much to his displeasure.

Your head nodded in reply to Chan’s question, finally taking the test from Jeongin. “This wasn’t quite what I had in mind to be able to tell you, but if it answers everyone’s questions, yes, it’s mine, and yes, it’s positive.”

“We’re having a baby,” Chan chuckled, snaking his arms around your waist, “you’re actually pregnant?”

“It’s what the test says, so therefore I must be.”

Lee Know:

You grabbed your coat as you noticed Seungmin waiting by the front door for you, letting him know you were on your way. “There’s no rush,” he quickly told you, “we don’t need to be there for another hour.”

“I want to be early,” you smiled.

“Early for what?” Minho asked as he followed behind you, wondering where you were going.

“Her scan, of course,” Seungmin replied, although as he heard your breath hitch, he quickly fell silent, looking away.

Your eyes stuck with Minho, watching the confusion appear on his face. “What are you having a scan for? There’s not something wrong, is there?”

“You’ve not told him?” Seungmin whispered across to you, the guilt striking him as your head shook in reply to him.

You briefly looked to Seungmin before reluctantly turning your attention back to Minho. “I’m going for a scan on the maternity unit,” you explained, anxiously waiting for the moment when his expression changed.

“As in maternity unit where babies are?” Minho faltered, looking across at you with a look of surprise.

“What else do they have on maternity wards, idiot?”

Changbin:

Your mind was in a rush as you moved around the dorm, trying your best to tidy everything up. “Y/N, relax a little bit,” Felix called out to you as he watched you swiftly move around, “remember that you’re pregnant.”

“She’s what?” Chan asked him.

“Yeah, what?” Changbin also asked, “did you just tell her to be careful cause she’s pregnant.”

“No, you must’ve heard me wrong,” Felix responded, backtracking as quickly as he could with everyone watching him.

Changbin’s head shook as he looked between the two of you, “you definitely just said that Y/N was pregnant, there’s no way that you said anything else.”

“It’s alright Felix,” you told him, not wanting him to lie for you, “it was bound to come out at some point.”

Changbin cleared his throat, bringing your eyes back across to look at him again. “You’re actually pregnant? How does he know, and I don’t? When were you going to even tell me that you were pregnant?”

“Soon,” you tried to explain, “Felix accidentally overheard me, he was going to help me surprise you next week.”

“I can’t believe that we’re having a baby.”

Hyunjin:

Your smile was wide as Jisung held up the baby grow that he had bought whilst he was out to get your opinion on it. “Isn’t it cute?” He asked you, unable to hide his excitement about his new purchase.

“It’s adorable,” you told him.

“That’s cute,” Hyunjin remarked as he entered, making you both jump. “Who’s that for?”

“Oh, nobody,” Jisung told him, quickly folding up the baby grow and placing it back into the bag to hide it away.

Hyunjin caught on to how agitated Jisung was, “surely it’s got to be for someone’s baby, no one buys baby grows randomly for no reason.”

“It’s for our baby,” you responded, knowing that you couldn’t leave Jisung to try and find all the answers to shut Hyunjin up.

Hyunjin went to speak, but quickly stopped himself before he did. His hand ran through his hair before looking across at you, forgetting all about Jisung. “O-our baby?” He asked, looking at you in disbelief.

“Surprise,” you chuckled, a little unsure of what to say to him, “this wasn’t quite the reveal that I had in mind.”

“Are you kidding? Who cares? We’re having a baby.”

Han:

Spirits were high around the table as you sat beside Jisung, the rest of the boys around the table too. “Alright, here’s a question, who do we think will be the first to settle down?” Hyunjin asked the group.

“It’s obvious,” Minho replied.

“Y/N and Jisung, right?” Hyunjin responded to him, “When are you guys going to have a baby?”

“What if we already were having a baby?” You asked in reply, a serious expression on your face, stunning Hyunjin.

He looked quizzically across at you, chuckling nervously. “You’re messing, aren’t you? There’s no way that you guys are actually having a baby.”

“Are we having a baby?” Jisung laughed beside you, just as confused as the rest of the boys as to what was going on.

You nodded at all eight of them, sniggering at the looks that were on their faces. “I know that you were joking Hyunjin, but I’m being dead serious. I can go and get the tests if you want me to prove it.”

“Well, this is not how I expected this conversation to go,” Hyunjin teased as Jisung nodded in agreement with him.

“I think I’ve just found out I’m going to be a dad.”

Felix:

You placed your hand over your glass as Changbin walked over to you with the bottle of wine to pour you a glass. “Are you sure? We’re all drinking to celebrate,” Changbin told you, but your head shook.

“I’m alright,” you responded.

“You’re not pregnant, are you?” He chuckled, “it’s unlike you to not drink with us.”

“Y/N?” Felix asked, glancing to where you were sat at the other end of the table, noticing just how quiet you were.

Your eyes stared downwards, hoping that the conversation would be dropped. “You’re not actually, are you?” Changbin asked too, worried that he’d started something.

“I…yeah,” you stuttered, keeping your eyes looking down as you heard a chair be pushed out from across the table.

A few moments later, a pair of arms wrapped around you as Felix leant past your shoulder and pressed a kiss against your cheek. “You’re serious? You’re not pranking us or trying to wind Changbin up?”

“I’m being serious,” you smiled back at him, “I wasn’t quite expecting to be put on the spot like that though.”

“I didn’t mean to drop you in it Y/N, I’m sorry.”

Seungmin:

You smiled weakly across at Minho as he watched you walk into the kitchen, pulling up a chair for you to sit down beside you. “How are you feeling? Better than a few days ago?” He asked you straight away.

“A lot better,” you smiled in reply.

“I was really worried,” he admitted, “I’ve never seen someone be as sick as you were.”

“You were sick?” Seungmin asked, overhearing your conversation as he walked into the kitchen to join the two of you.

Your head nodded slowly, watching as Seungmin took a seat opposite you. “I didn’t want to say anything to worry you, Minho just found me in the bathroom.

“These things can’t be helped, it’s a part of what happens, right?” Minho smiled, trying to brighten the situation.

Seungmin’s brows knitted together as he listened to Minho speak. “A part of what happens?” He quizzed, with only one solution to answer his question, Seungmin’s eyes quickly looked across to you for answers.

“Oops,” Minho whispered, shuffling his chair away from you both, “I think I might have just put my foot in it a little.”

“I think you might just be right there, Min.”

I.N:

The plate of food that you had was something that Chan just couldn’t ignore, watching you closely as you took a seat at the table with the rest of the boys. “You’re definitely eating for two these days aren’t you Y/N?”

“Excuse me?” Jeongin quickly spoke.

“What?” Chan innocently asked him, “I just said Y/N’s really eating for two these days.”

“Why would she be eating for two?” Jeongin enquired, watching as the smile that was on Chan’s face quickly disappeared.

Chan looked to you, a nervous smile creeping onto his expression. “I thought that Y/N had told you, I didn’t mean to drop anyone in it or anything like that.”

“Your pregnant?” Jeongin quizzed, turning his attention across to you, “when were you going to tell me and not Chan?”

You sighed softly, pushing your plate of food away from you. “I was planning on telling you next week, a birthday present. Chan wasn’t supposed to know but he overheard me talking to my mum about it last week.”

“I’m sorry,” Chan whispered, not quite sure if it would make Jeongin feel any better about the fact that he already knew.

“Don’t be sorry, there’s nothing to even apologise for.”

---

Masterlist

[lariskapargitay]

​I know they played Pepa shocking her kids with lighting for laughs but there’s no way she didn’t feel horrible when it happened. And I picture her shocking someone as not just her getting started but her losing her temper, getting angry, lashing out (like all parents do) so I wrote a little mini fic about the first time she shocked Dolores and how bad she would feel bc who doesn’t need feels on a Sunday night?

“Pepa?”

Low thunder rolled and a stormcloud drenched her as she sat with her back to the wall, head bowed, legs pulled up to her chest. Félix shut the door behind him and kneeled down in front of her. She ignored him. She ignored his gentle hand on her shoulder, his soothing voice calling her ‘Pepi’, she ignored everything but her own feelings of guilt wrecking her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “I’m so sorry.”

Pepa hadn’t meant to hurt her. She hadn’t meant to hurt her baby, it was an accident.

Dolores wouldn't stop screaming and crying, clutching Pepa’s skirt, making a mess, refusing to listen, throwing a tantrum like all small children were apt to do. Pepa hadn’t meant to lose her temper, she hadn’t meant to bring the lightning when she yelled at Dolores to just stop for two seconds so she could hear herself think.

The scream Dolores let out as the lightning struck her and the look of horrified shock as she stood frozen before she began to scream and cry for Félix was bad. Her refusing to come near Pepa when she tried to hug her and apologize, the fear in her big brown eyes as she clung to her father was even worse.

“She’s fine,” Félix whispered, burying his hand in her hair, as though he could hear her thoughts. “Mi vida, she’s okay. She isn’t hurt. She didn’t even need Julieta.”

The thunder rolled again in time. “I hurt our little girl.” Her voice trembled and another sob ripped past her lips. “Four years old and I hurt her… How can you even stand to look at me?”

Felix immediately wrapped her in his arms, stroking her hair. Even though she knew she didn’t deserve it Pepa allowed it to comfort her, to help soothe the horrid emotions she was feeling right now. “Because I know that you love our daughter, and that this was just an accident. You love Dolores. You would never hurt her intentionally. I know you.” He kissed her on her cheek. “You are an amazing mamí.” And then the other. “You are the best mother that girl could ask for.” Her forehead was next. “I know you didn’t mean it.” And finally her lips. “I love you. She loves you.”

Pepa shook her head. “She’s terrified of me. Felix, you saw her face.” More tears and rain came down. “Dolores hates me. And what’s more is I don’t blame her.”

Felix held her tighter. “She does not hate you, mi amore. She was just scared, that's all.”

Her chin wobbled dangerously. “No child should be afraid of their mother.”

Felix finally was able to realize no words or hugs or kisses would make her feel better, and instead just held her tight and let her rain soak through the both of them. Until a tiny little voice called out from behind the bedroom door.

“Mamí?”

Pepa instantly perked up, wiping her eyes only to have more tears and rain replace them. “Dolores? Baby, you can come in.”

The door opened a sliver and her shy little quiet niña popped her head in. She took a step inside and then another, holding her hands close to her chest. “Are you still mad at me?” Dolores asked. It took everything in Pepa not to start sobbing again.

“No! No, Mija, never! Come here.” Pepa opened her arms and when Dolores ran to her and hugged her tight, never before had her clouds been wiped away so fast with a rainbow to take its place.

She kissed the top of her head, running her hand through her daughter’s thick beautiful curls. “Are you mad at me?”

Dolores shook her head, resting her head on Pepas chest and playing with the end of her mothers braid. “I’m sorry I was naughty.”

“And I’m sorry for losing my temper. I will try my best not to ever do that again, okay?” Dolores nodded and snuggled closer. “You know I love you, right?”

“How much?”

“More than anything.”

A playful little smile crept up her daughter's lips, and Pepas' sun got brighter. “More than coffee?”

“Much more than coffee.”

“More than tres leches?”

“Oh WAY more than tres leches.”

“More than sunshine?”

“A thousand times more!” Pepa declared, giving her a small tickle, her daughter's laughter filling the room with rainbows.

Pepa kissed the top of her head before she hugged her again. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, Mamí.”

“Good. You wanna stay in here and cuddle a bit or do you wanna go play with your prima?”

“I’ll go play.”

With one final kiss Pepa sent her on her way, the light of the rainbows reflecting off the yellow dress she wore.

[dxrkenedheights]

Kenzie considers it a minor miracle they haven't started shouting. The argument unfolds in hushed tones, all sharp whispers and clipped words, but there's nothing funny about it. Not when Felix stands there deflecting and twisting her points into meaningless knots. Her head tilts to the side, the unimpressed glare clear to see even in the dim light of her trailer. "Don't start gettin' hung up on specifics just to try and prove a point. You know what I mean by stash, Felix." she says with a huff. But, he doesn't let up and neither does she.

Kenzie watches him closely now, studies the tension in his jaw, the way he paces like the walls are closing in. His need to protect Astra burns fierce, and Kenzie can admire that. Really, she can. But as much as he's trying to shield Astra, she wonders if he even realizes how close his protection comes to enabling. She keeps her voice level, though her words land sharp. "I never said the word addict, Felix. Those are your words." her eyes narrow, her tone pointed. "But since you're makin' excuses for pills bein' around Nova, I think you're closer than you think."

She doesn't give him time to respond. Kenzie's mind is already made up. Felix and Astra are dragging each other through chaos, hand in hand. Sure, it's full of love and laughter, but Kenzie can see the cracks forming. They're not looking at what's ahead. Felix is right about one thing, though. She was seconds away from bringing up Nova, from pointing out how often the little girl is left in someone else's care. The thought makes Kenzie's chest tighten with guilt, questioning Astra's parenting when she knows better than anyone how hard it is to juggle life in the circus.

But guilt doesn't drown out the sharp wave of protectiveness that rises in her. She crosses her arms, her brow arching as she leans back. "So, you're fine with that, huh?" she challenges, her tone calm but needling. "Anyone able to ask if they can watch her, and Astra always sayin' yeah?" Kenzie shrugs, but her eyes don't leave his. "That doesn't bother you?" because it must do. She's seen how attached Felix is to Nova and now she can see the tension in him hit its peak.

"I was talking to you about it 'cause you're the one doing drugs with her. Asshole." she finally says, words she didn't particularly want to spell out but words that Felix, clearly, needs to hear. "You can stop taking her for damn date nights in clubs to get high, I don't wanna talk to Astra about any of this 'cause it'll hurt her. But you could control it without anyone needing to say a word. Jesus Christ, are you dumb?" Kenzie points now, flinging a dismissive gesture. "Get out my damn trailer. Motherfucker. Talking to me like that. Fuck you." she hisses, still quiet, even hurrying in silence to try and shoo him off like a gnat.

Felix knew he was twisting Kenzie's words, and he didn't care. He could see exactly what she was trying to pull at, the undercurrent of accusation wrapped in layers of concern and excuses. He could see the flicker behind her eyes as soon as he admitted he bought the pills. Like she was looking at him with a darker view, a bad influence. Someone dragging Astra down. A scoff escaped him, and his frustration sharpened with every second. "Stash?" Felix repeated the word like it was an insult, his eyebrows raised as he dipped his head to catch her eyes, daring her to rethink it. "Can you stop talking like Astra's trailer is Pablo Escobar's fucking mansion? That'd be a good place to start. There is no stash in her trailer."

There was a slight pause, Felix studying Astra's so called friend and his gaze narrowed. "You think she's an addict, don't you?" his voice went bitter as he pointed toward the door, a silent wave toward where Astra was, blissfully unaware that her friend was here judging her. "I used to take shit every single day, Kenzie. Anything I could get my hands on. And then I met Astra." he paused, letting that sink in, not just for Kenzie to hear but himself. But he didn't exactly need a reminder for how Astra saved him. He was well aware of it. "Someone popping a pill now and then? That's not an addiction. You don't know what an addict is."

He was ready to leave, to end the conversation there, but then Kenzie twisted his words right back at him, forcing him to turn. "I'm talking about how she's from a different fucking culture, Kenzie. Because you're about three seconds away from bringing up how Nova stays with other people and don't deny it." his voice dropped with annoyance and he moved to the door, eager to walk out of her trailer and leave it behind him. Then Kenzie said it. Something that stung with enough judgment to make him spin around again, pointing a quick, angry finger at her.

"There we go. That's the real issue. That she takes anything at all. So, if you're that worried, go ahead, stage an intervention. But why are you coming to me about this?" his tone was thick sarcasm, the kind that didn't expect an answer. "Because you know you don't have the right. She's not doing a fucking thing to harm Nova. Otherwise, you'd be talking to Astra, not me. This whole thing," he motioned around her trailer, disgust lacing his voice, "it's just a self-righteous pile of shit, and you know it. Go fuck yourself."