#the vet thinks she may have a brain tumor

[golden-girl-daisy]

Bailey’s been a little off the past few days so her vet recommended a neurologist for her. Keep her in your thoughts on Thursday while she gets tested for everything.

[valeroyeaux]

vet thinks tess may have a brain tumor so my mom has to take her to the neurologist tomorrow, but her car is in the shop and she has to take mine, so if they have to put her down i can’t be there bc i have to work and im just. trying not to spiral

[bishiglomper]

Since I've been having so much pain that even standing for a few minutes is a chore, I requested mom take Reno to the vet by herself. He needed a thyroid check and more pills. And he's been looking greasy. Which is a sign that he's obviously under the weather.

She actually got the main vet himself, which, I like everyone else just fine, but the new guy just. Doesn't do all I want. When I get the vet himself he's very generous with boosters and generally does the "let's make them comfortable" kind of stuff

I mean, I brought up his sneezing and the new guy just gave me a 10 minute spiel about "well we can wait and see or I can send you to get all these specialized tests" like no. I just want an antibiotic and steroid every time I come in. My cat is 17 years old, I just want him comfortable. Instead, last time instead of a shot he gave me pills and nothing to fortify him. Also about his sneezing, his options were allergies or something serious like a brain tumor. Mom told THIS vet though, mentioned he doesn't eat much dry food and was like "you're so smart, it's possible he may have a light infection and it just traveled to his sinuses". Not to dis the other guy's diagnoses, I mean my dog had a brain tumor, but still.

My cat used to be 16lbs. He was chubby, but that wasn't overly obese for him. Since his thyroid issues though, it's a struggle to keep him in the higher end of 8lbs. (Every time we go I ask what the difference was and it's usually up or down like, 2 ounces.) I think like, 9.5 would be thin but healthy. He's very skin and bones. I feed this guy wet food several times a day. It's average stuff, but he wasn't thrilled with the more calorie-potent varieties..

Anyway. Mom let me know they wouldn't check his thyroid because he didn't get his pill before going. They've never asked or said anything like that before. But we also got the GOOD vet this time, so, I'll take it if it means more accurate treatment. But I came downstairs and there were a few cans of "urgent care" wet cat food. Which tells me something was wrong

My cat was 7lbs. No wonder he looks like shit. ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡

But I love this vet. He have us a few cans for free until his next appointment next week. Hopefully we can fatten him up a bit. He also gave him boosters so hopefully he'll feel a bit better. My poor furbaby.

(ᵕ̣̣̣̣̣̣﹏ᵕ̣̣̣̣̣̣)

[ncisladaily]

Renée Felice Smith was only six years old when she knew that she wanted to be an actress and storyteller, but people tried to dissuade her from her chosen career path, telling her it was an impossible goal. Luckily, Smith’s parents weren’t among the naysayers, and today she’s living her dream, starring as Intelligence Analyst Nell Jones on NCIS: Los Angeles (Sundays, 9 p.m., CBS) and co-authoring her first children’s book Hugo and the Impossible Thing with her creative partner Chris Gabriel.

So, when her French Bulldog Hugo was diagnosed with a brain tumor, Smith once again ignored the doubters and found the best vet possible to give Hugo a shot at life rather than listen to those who told her it was “just truly impossible.”

“We just knew we had to try for our little guy, and we’re so glad we did because he was with us for another two beautiful years, just grinning, growling and running around the yard like the wild man that he always was,” Smith tells Parade.com in this exclusive interview. “So, we’re so glad we fought for him and advocated for him.”

When Hugo finally passed, Smith and Gabriel knew they had to tell his story to inspire others to conquer the seemingly impossible things in their life. So they wrote a story about a little dog named Hugo, who succeeded where others didn’t even try as a result of his bravery, curiosity, teamwork and persistence.

“The love is still here, and it needed someplace to go, so now we have the book and Hugo’s message that now we get to share with the world, which I’m just so grateful that it’s become real,” Smith adds.

Related: NCIS: Los Angeles‘ Daniela Ruah Speculates About Whether Kensi and Deeks Will Survive the Obstacles Ahead

This Sunday night, Smith will be back with some teamwork of her own when NCIS: Los Angeles returns with a new episode dealing with technology, which is something that Nell excels at. In the “Imposter Syndrome” episode, NCIS obtains a hard drive containing a realistic deep fake video of a deceased terrorist and must retrieve the dangerous technology behind it. However, when the team’s comms are hijacked during their mission, they find that one of their own has been a victim of its potential.

And, spoiler alert, Smith says that in the May 23 Season 12 finale, Nell will finally be reunited with Hetty (Linda Hunt)! But how that will play out remains to be seen.

“Linda was essentially sidelined by the pandemic, but, very exciting, I do share a scene with her in our season finale and it’s one of the most memorable scenes of my time on NCIS: LA, so I’m very grateful to have her back as my scene partner,” Smith says.

For more of what Smith had to say about her real-life Hugo and Hugo and the Impossible Thing, as well as more NCIS: Los Angeles scoop, read on.

With your background, a movie seems a more natural project than a book about Hugo. How did it turn into a book?

Chris, my other half, and I are lovers of all types of books. We grew up with children’s books and some of the most impactful stories and lessons we feel that we’ve learned in our lives we learned in the pages of those books, so we really wanted to create this modern classic, a book that kids, or quite frankly, anyone nowadays could really benefit from.

Especially right now, we’re all dealing with our own version of the impossible thing, and we’re trying to find our way to the other side. What better way to inspire you and yours to go out and conquer whatever your impossible thing is than through a storybook following this spirited French Bulldog through the forest, kind of this yellow brick road, Wizard of Oz structure? He meets up with his forest friends and they end up helping him through the impossible thing. It’s really a story about bravery, curiosity, teamwork and persistence. We wanted to encourage that in our readers, both young and young at heart.

Tell us about Hugo and his battle with his brain tumor.

Hugo was diagnosed with a brain tumor and we were truly beside ourselves. It was an out-of-body experience. He was a feisty, curious, wild man who was quite literally sidelined by this potentially terminal disease, and we just knew that we didn’t want to give up on him, and he wasn’t giving up on himself. Every step of the way, we would say out loud, “Hugo, just let us know, buddy, do you want to keep going?” And he met us with this enthusiasm for the process every step of the way. And that is truly why we kept going.

Did Hugo instill in you the belief that the impossible might be possible? Or did you already have that?

That’s interesting. I think the process really showed us that if you ask the questions, oftentimes the people who ask the questions are the people who find the answers, and this process really reiterated that. He inspired us to advocate for him, because animals are helpless on their own, but we could do something about it. We could ask the questions; we could be his voice. I’m just so thankful that he was always this bright light that had this insatiable curiosity for life. He definitely imbued that in me, and I know he imbued that in Chris. He did inspire us to help him conquer his impossible thing. If he didn’t have the fight in him, if he wasn’t such a spirited dog, I don’t know if that would’ve happened, but he was singular in a way. I reference him as my canine son, because he was. He was my baby.

On NCIS: Los Angeles, Nell is torn these days. She feels Hetty tricked her into taking the job when she said she didn’t want it, but she has the support of her team and also Kilbride. So how do you think she’s feeling these days?

She really is at a crossroads in her life. I think a lot of young women find themselves at this point, where they are very good at their job, but is it the job that they always saw themselves in? Is it the job they saw their future selves thriving in? I think for Nell, she’s really questioning whether she wants this to be her story, and in the process, she’s really finding her voice this season. There’s a scene with Sam Hanna, LL Cool J‘s character, that recently aired, where she spells out her frustrations in her position as de facto operations manager and how she’s struggling to keep the plates spinning. And she tells him that he needs to get on her team. It was a really stern moment for Nell.

I don’t think we’ve really ever seen that. Actually, LL Cool J and I were talking about what a different flavor this scene is bringing to the show because Nell usually is quick with a quip, but she doesn’t often drop the hammer in this way. And this season, we really do get to see Nell drop this hammer, stand in her power, and let people know that she needs help and she’s questioning this process.

I think that’s the side of being the operations manager that we didn’t really get to see very much with Hetty because she had everything under control. So, it’s kind of fun and new to see the person, who may be greener in the position, find her way in this new position of leadership.

How much has COVID affected what we’re seeing this season? Is that why we don’t see more of Linda Hunt, to keep her safe? And I noticed there are fewer people in scenes, especially in ops.

You’re absolutely right. Our show did an incredible job managing the crisis that was the pandemic and continues to be the pandemic. We are tested five days a week. Our crew was incredible in keeping everyone safe. The was goal to keep everyone safe, and we were, in turn, able to create 18 episodes of television, which is incredible.

You were just picked up for your 13th season, so it isn’t over yet, but when you look back, what will you take away from it?

Oh, my goodness. We’re a family, you know, but it’s been a mini-film school for me as well. My time at NCIS: LA has been educational. I just pinch myself how lucky I am that I was able to quite frankly lock onto a job like this for so long. In our industry, stability as an actor is not something you often experience. So, to have this group of people who I’ve grown to love and really consider extensions of my family, I’m just so grateful for the time. I feel like I’ve been a student. I feel like I went to school all over again for 10 years.

With Linda being this master in her craft, I can’t even quantify what I learned from her and most of it happens when we’re waiting to do our scene. It’s in those moments that I hear the stories from her childhood and the stories from early in her career, just these nuggets of wisdom that I have now in my little carpet bag.

From your work outside NCIS: LA, it seems as if maybe long-term, you’re more interested in being behind the camera and writing, producing, directing.

It’s interesting, often as actors, we’re part of someone else’s story, we’re carrying out someone else’s vision, but I’ve always been a storyteller. As a kid, I would essentially write my own little plays and perform them in the yard and direct my friends and family, my sister, namely, in those plays. And for as long as I remember, I’ve always wanted to tell stories. So, yeah, that is where I see myself heading in the future.

You’ve said that you knew at age six that this is what you want to do. And you were lucky that your parents supported you.

Oh, 100 percent. I wouldn’t be standing here today if they hadn’t instilled confidence in me and in my creativity. They really created an environment that fostered out-of-the-box thinking, and I’m so grateful for that.

Which takes us full circle back to the impossible just might be possible.

It’s so true. If you’re curious enough and brave enough and you have the support, obviously, of your community, I think that’s the missing piece in a lot of these puzzles. It’s really the support because you can’t get there alone. No one can. The one-woman show does not exist. It’s an ensemble; it’s a production.

[sweetflowerboi]

TW: mentions of pet illness, cancer and death

It just hit me, and really hard, that over a year ago we had to put down one of our beloved pups. Her name was Tsubaki and she was one of the sweetest dogs in the world.

Quite a few years back she had been diagnosed with breast cancer and had a surgery to get the cancerous tumor removed. But as we all know, that doesn’t get rid of the cancerous cells. Our vet back in Washington told us to continue getting yearly blood work done on her in order to keep track of her white blood cell count. And we did, until we got to Georgia.

Our previous vet (before we started taking our pets to a new vet because of the whole ordeal) told us she didn’t need to get her blood work done every year, that there’s “no possible way the cancer could come back” if she’d been post op for years at that point.

My mom believed him (and ultimately blames herself cause of it) and didn’t get Tsubaki’s blood work done. Well, three years later a lump started forming on Tsubaki’s head. This was in the midst’s of the pandemic so we couldn’t do much about it. But when it just continued getting bigger we set an emergency appointment through that vet, only for him to grab it (this was protruding out of her skull btw) and shake her fucking head by it. Deducing that it was “just bone and part of a dog getting old”.

After many, MANY useless appointments my parents, now fed up with the bullshit, had me contact my s/o at the time to ask them where they took their pups. We went to see that vet (who we’ve stayed with since then) and he cut straight to the chase. He told us based off of all of the test and blood work done that Tsubaki’s cancer did come back and it was worse than ever before. The tumor had formed in her brain and got so large that it was the cause of the bump on her head. He didn’t lie, we only had two options from there.

Either we put her through experimental treatment or we put her down, in which he would support us through both options. My parents talked for a bit and made one of the hardest decisions a pet owner should ever have to make. They decided they were going to make her as comfortable as possible until she was ready to go. That same week we had to take her in to get euthanized, she had lost her flame and the will the fight. After all of the vet appointments and the poking and prodding, she had just…given up. She was tired, broken down, hurting.

So instead of putting her through anymore suffering my parents set the appointment for October 9th, 2020. That morning i said my final goodbyes and looked my sweet girl in the eyes to tell her I loved her one last time, before letting my parents take her to her final appointment.

She was a good dog, she lived a happy and healthy life. And I think she knew that, I whole heartedly believe she knew how much we love her, my parents said there wasn’t fear or sadness in her eyes or body language when the doctor put her down. They said she was the same calm, and loving dog that we grew to know and love until the very end.

May she Rest In Peace and never forget how much each of us truly loved her.

Tsubaki, June 2011 - October 2020

[bibibuckleyy]

‘Pinned’ liveblog

there are def spoilers ahead so don’t read if you haven’t seen the episode yet! also this is definitely not gonna make sense if you haven’t seen the episode and it’s very long so i’m sorry in advance

i wanna go to this bowling alley

i agree garett is a damn treasure look at that boi

he’s totally boyfriend manager material

yes buck you are a genuis 

“technically it would be an exoskeleton”

LET HIM ENJOY THE WIN

“NO REFUNDS”

ayeeee my son garett gettin his coin go be manager 👏🏽

“JESSE, YOU’RE FIRED” LMAOOOOOO

so apparently green tea fights brain tumors

so let me tall y’all bout my good friend MICHAEL

he’s got a brain tumor and he is scarin the shit out the whole fandom

and hey instead of gettin the SURGERY

THIS BITCH IS GOIN CAMPING

i don’t think he understands that he cannot fucking die 

athena and may are literally me

they both like ‘wtf why is he goin camping he has a damn brain tumor’

and the fandom like ‘bitch same T-T’

no pressure bobby but MICHAEL’S LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS

michael bby i don’t know why your doctor cleared you for this

like ‘hey, you have a life-threatening tumor but whatev’s YOLO lmao go camping dude hopefully you don’t progressively get worse while you are there lol lol’

spoiler alert: he gets worse

me and his doc bout to throw hands

if athena and may don’t get him first

“assuming there is a next year”

well f u c k.

that’s a 2020 mood tho fr fr 

athena pls knock some sense into michael you have my blessing girlie

congrats may on gettin into USC!

*casually googles USC*

WOW ALBERT

i dunno what i expected

but it was not...that

throw the whole room away chim

”technically he doesn’t even have a room” DAMN CHIM THE SHADE

things just ‘ignited’ huh?

well that was awkward

EXCUSE YOU ALBERT IN THIS HOUSEHOLD WE DO NOT QUESTION MADNEY

“she’s a good friend to you” with that little sip after DAMN ALBERT I CACKLED

Chim bby you look exhausted lmao

omg wAIT I LOVE THE TREE PLANTING TRADITION

IT’S SO NOBLE

“Plant it, let it grow, and stay out if it’s way!”

i love that they are including bobby in this

michael? michael what’s wrong with your hands buddy

THAT’S IT THIS TRIP IS CANCELLED SIRI TAKE US TO THE NEAREST HOSPITAL

“ah, the dreaded c-word”

hi hello yes i only accept relationship advice if it comes from hen or athena

awkward shoulder laugh?? ok buddie eddie

“tommorow isn’t promised to anyone, so if you love her, tell her”

*still doesn’t tell buck how he feels*

i love athena and may’s bond 

it’s real like yea they have problems and disagreements but theye still love eachother

i like that they don’t agree all the time about everything

“we still have time” UH YEA BITCH WE BETTER

michael you are hi key scaring me now

stop stop stop you guys need to go to the hospital

bobby and harry are the duo we didn’t know we needed 

ok listen

i really hated this emergency

like just do your dishes bitch

your house is already remodeled

i mean like it was still a good rescue

but i was kind of an eyeroll

he really shot himself with a nail gun

bruh

“i didn’t say i love you back to my daughter”

aii so he’s not as thick headed as i thought

wowzers that’s a lot of blood comign out of his chest

i literally chose the worst moment to make food

i‘m seasoned 9-1-1 vet tho so i’m used to it lmao

 EDDIE WAIT ARE YOU ASKING BUCK OUT 

WAIT IT WAS SO CASUAL THO

IT’S LIKE

THEY DO THIS OFTEN

ANA FLORES WHO

(ok ok i like Ms. Flores but i am a buddie stan first and foremost)

wow i didn’t expect that when they opened the back of the ambulance

lord have mercy this dudes blood is everywhere

me too buck, me too

i mean like i would lose my appetite but like,,, this popcorn is good yo

“where are you going?”

“to ask your sister out on a date so i can tell her i love her”

YES CHIM GO GET HER 

*chants* MANDEY! MADNEY! MADNEY!

uh oh michael and bobby are bout to fiiight

“i’m fine”

“no michael, you’re not, and i think it’s time we all started admitting that”

FUCKING THANK YOU BOBBY 

IT’S NOT ALL OK DAMNIT

“you think you are hiding it but he sees it”

YEA SO DO WE AND I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE WHEN I SAY I DON’T LIKE IT

“to learn!”

“to learn what?”

“how to be a family when i’m gone”

.........

i hate everyone 

my heart didn’t deserve to break like that

JOSHHHHHHH

HI BBY

there are still bruises on his face :(

i’m still mad about his date

FUCK YOU GREG 

maddie dear chimney is not breaking up with you lmao

poor josh bro sunshine bby didn’t deserve it

i love athena and hen’s dynamic like just GOALS

“this thing with michael is looming over us constantly”

truer words have never been spoken 

i want to go to a revolving restaurant

it looked so cool

this is gonna sound weird byut maddie not saying i love you was just even better than her saying it back

she expressed it in her own way

(still fuck you doug) 

“i love you maddie, and as long as i know you feel the same, i can say it enough for the both of us”

WHAT DID THIS WORLD DO TO DESERVE THIS MAN 

WHOLESOME SO DAMN WGOLESOME

oh hey this dude is gonna propose

foreshadowing??

this dude really dropped the box

lmao why he look so nervous

i thought when she grabbed the box her hand was gonna get caught in the revolver thing

“the answer is-”

MY JAW HIT THE FLOOR

OH MY GOD

FUCKING EARRINGS 

LORD NOOOOOOOOOO LMAOOOOOO

the way maddie went “oh boy” honestly same here we go

“five years together and you bring me up here for earrings?”

“it’s your birthday”

“yea, next week”

The dude that turned around right after he said that was me

like i just,,,,

fucking earrings AHAHAHAAAAAAAA

homegirl really chose the worst moment to stand up

i take it back i don’t want to go to one of those restaurants 

wowwwww madney really being a dynamic duo in a crisis

and i am here for it!

they saved homegirl’s life

AND GOT A FREE HOTEL ROOM FOR ITTTTTT

I LITERALLY CANNOT TAKE ANY MORE MICHAEL ANGST

two bros, chillin by the camp fire, and i’m freakin out cause one of them’s gonna die

“i wanna see him grow up, and i don’t know if i will”

9-1-1 writers turn on your location i just wanna talk-

“i need you to keep me and my father alive for him” 

thanks i hate it

candlelit breakfast is then new thing pass it on

“took maddie out to talk and things...ignited”

 CHIMNEY YOU SMUG BASTARD

“hey handsome”

*points* there! there’s the exact moment my heart stopped

HELL NAH GET THIS DUDE AWAY FROM JOSH IMMEDEATLY

rest in power to josh’s mug

OH

OH SHIT

HE HAS A GUN

HE HAS A FUCKIN GUN

“i love you howie”

.....

bitch i didn’t order this take it back

no no no no nO NOOOOOOOOOOO

so i honestly forgot abou the whoe ‘hostage situation thing’

I WASN’T EXPECTING THIS

CAN JOSH GET A DAMN BREAK PLEASE

josh looks so scared awwwww NOOOOOO

“do not move, or you will be shot”

bitch nO

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

somebody call buck he’ll know what to do

so.... this has been my “Pinned” liveblog! i’m sorry it was super long and there was like no capitalization anywhere lmao. i actually enjoyed this so hit up my askbox if you want me to liveblog another episode!

[nattikay]

.

Just trying to sort out some thoughts, came here cuz not sure where else to do it. Might delete later.

So we’ve had Maisie for almost a week now an honestly, it’s...caused me a lot more stress than I’d expected it to. Don’t get me wrong, I like her, and I don’t plan to give her back to the shelter or anything, good gracious, no--but tbh I feel a little guilty for not being ~euphoric~ over the whole scenario, and I’m just trying to work out why.

Don’t worry she is being well taken care of! This is an emotional issue, not an ability-to-care-for issue.

I think some of it may have its roots in our old cat, Harry Pawter. We got Harry when I was around 9 years old and I loved him. However, being a child when we got him, I was never really super good at taking care of him; most of the animal care wound up falling on my parents. 

Harry, for the most part, was a pretty good cat most of his life, but he started developing health problems around his last two years or so. By this point I was in high school, and for all intents and purposes should’ve been old enough and responsible enough to step in and help take proper care of him. But by that point, I hadn’t really formed those habits and...I never really did. Not as much as I should have. And looking back...tbh I feel really bad about it, and wonder if I didn’t love him as much as I should have, or as much as I thought I did. My dad would certainly imply at much when he got frustrated with the cat, and that...kinda sunk its way into my brain, I guess.

I’ve mentioned before that we lost Harry my freshman year of college, my very first semester. But I haven’t told the whole story, because well...I feel really bad about it. But maybe it’ll be good to get it off my chest.

See, Harry’s health had been declining for a while at that point (he was now 9 years old btw). He was struggling to keep himself clean and having more and more accidents outside the litterbox. My dad took him to the vet, and the vet suspected he may have had a brain tumor. All this was happening recently after I started my first semester of college, so I wasn’t home at the time, only getting this info via phone calls. 

My dad didn’t want to pay for expensive tests and surgeries for a cat, so was considering putting him down. I was obviously not in favor of that idea, so we decided that we’d wait until I came home for Christmas and then discuss what to do about the Harry situation.

But we never got the chance. Around November, there was some sort of leak under the fridge or something (I don’t remember the details; again I wasn’t home at the time) and we had to get a lot of work done in there to fix it, which included having all the tiles completely removed and huge fans placed in the kitchen to blow away the ensuing dust. In order to keep Harry out of the way of the construction, we wound up regulating him to the screened-in back patio (and for further context: Harry had always been an indoor-only cat, and never showed much interest in going outside). Needless to say, on top of his health concerns, this construction and jarring change in environment was probably really stressful for him. One day, he found his way out of the patio...and never came back. 

We...don’t really know for sure what happened to him after that. I like to say that he passed away rather than ran away, partly because he didn’t really have great survival skills and between that and his already-present health issues, well...I don’t think he would’ve survived long as a stray, and I prefer to imagine that his suffering ended as quickly and painlessly as possible. Even if he did manage to survive for a while then, he’s almost certainly gone now, given that he’d be nearly 15 by this point...but I digress.

All that said...idk, I guess I never really got any proper closure with Harry. And the more I learn about how to properly care for a cat, especially doing all the research I’ve been doing for Maisie...well, the worse I feel for him.

It’s not that we were bad owners, per se, and we certainly weren’t malicious in any way...but man, we could’ve done so much better. Harry was definitely overfed and undergroomed and we didn’t really know how to deal with his issues later in life...again, we weren’t malicious, but I think we were ignorant. I can’t really blame myself in the early years given that I was a literal child but by the time I reached high school and the like...idk I just feel like I could have and should have done so much better. I wonder how many issues could’ve been resolved if we’d been more attentive, more vigilant. Had been willing to put in more effort than just “meh fill up his food bowl twice a day and have Dad change the litter once in a while”.

And with all that considered, well...let’s just say I have doubts as to my prowess as a cat guardian. I want to make sure what went wrong with Harry goes right with Maisie and I just...idk. It’s just been a lot more emotional pressure than I expected it to be, even more so considering I haven’t yet quite formed the emotional bond with Maisie that I felt with Harry (not that I necessarily should have expected to at this point, given that we’ve only had Maisie for less than a week whereas we had Harry for nine years). But still.

And I mean, it’s not like taking care of Maisie has been difficult from an objective standpoint. It boils down to just feeding her (and making sure it’s the right amount of food), cleaning her litterbox, and playing with her, all of which are pretty simple and straightforward (well actually trying to figure out the right amount of food for her age and size has been a bit of a chore but I digress). 

Again, it’s not the tasks themselves that are an issue...it’s, I guess, the emotional baggage, or something. Knowing that as my cat the responsibility rests squarely on my shoulders (as opposed to having Harry where my parents took up most of the tasks) probably contributes as well.

Probably doesn’t help that this was a rather sudden development as well. It was only a week ago that we even seriously entertained the possibility of getting a new cat, and now here we are. It all happened so fast, it...almost doesn’t seem real.

Then again, not much has been feeling “real” to me lately. But that’s a separate issue and one for my therapist. :P

I also, despite all objective evidence to the contrary, feel almost like I’m being a burden my bringing Maisie into the house. I know that I shouldn’t...it wasn’t even my idea. My brother made the suggestion, my mom endorsed it, my dad ultimately agreed. The whole family seems to like her, even my dad who is by far the least of a cat-person out of all of us has pet her and talked soft to her (I expected him to mostly ignore her).

But...well, ok, another (shorter) storytime. My parents, while they don’t dislike pets, have had enough of them to last their lives, especially after Harry’s troubled final years, which we kids (regrettably) did not do much to help with despite being older by then. About a year or two after we lost Harry, a family in our church was giving away a bunny for adoption after their two dogs didn’t take well to it. My sister, who has always loved bunnies, begged and begged and begged to adopt it, and after promising and promising to take care of it, my parents finally relented. Alas, the bunny did not wind up being as friendly and cuddly as my sister expected, and after a few weeks she lost interest in it, leaving the bulk of the care responsibilities to our youngest brother (who, to his credit, did pretty well...honestly he’s just pretty good with animals in general, of all types...dogs are his top preference but he’ll happily work with just about anything). Not long later, the poor bunny injured itself, and upon doing some research my parents found that bunnies rarely heal properly from that type of injury (I forget what it was exactly, again I was away in college at the time so don’t recall all the details) and that the most humane option was to put it down. We only had that bunny for a few months.

After that, my dad was (understandably) hesitant to bring another pet into the house, however hard we promise to care for it, cuz last time he relented he got burned and a poor bunny had to suffer. When he agreed to let us get a new cat, he included the (reasonable) stipulation that if it ever seems like we’re not taking proper care of kitty, he’s allowed to make the call to give her up back to the shelter.

Now, I have absolutely zero intentions of pulling a sister-and-the-bunny on Maisie, and I very much plan to take as good care of her as possible. But...you can see how there’s some emotional pressure there, yeah? ^^; 

I feel like I have to be an absolutely flawless owner else I’ve let everyone down and proven that my promises to care for her were just talk. I’m afraid people will get mad at Maisie for doing Cat Things and I’ll take the fall and it’ll be assumed I’m not taking proper care of her because I can’t train her well enough. I’m afraid any inconvenience that naturally comes from owning and animal will by default get pinned on me, that I’ll be at fault because I’m the one who technically owns her, I brought her into the house, were it not for me we wouldn’t be dealing with Animal Inconvenience. 

And yes I know that’s irrational...I know my brain is exaggerating and none of them really expect an 8 month old kitten to have flawless behavior or blame me for it and as long as I’m keeping her happy and healthy it’s fine...and yet...

I don't know.

Pressure, I guess. A big life change that happened pretty suddenly and it’s gonna take a little while for it to become the new normal...I’ve just gotta hang on until it does, I guess...

anyways...

R.I.P. Harry Pawter, 2005-2014

(last picture we ever got of him)

Maisie, I will do my best ;_;

(first picture I ever got of her...which, I am just now realizing, is similar to the last pic of Harry ;n;)

[woeisbrie]

and to add insult to injury, I didn’t get accepted into any of my PhD programs which already had me questioning my worth and my intelligence. I also don’t know what to do with my life and I feel like failure tbh.

on top of that, my one true best friend, my dog, began having seizures out of no where and the vets think she may have a brain tumor which scares me because I already lost my first dog who was also my best friend but now I might lose this one too and I know some people just see their pets as pets but when I tell you that dog has been there for me every time I have balled my eyes out, contemplated suicide, cut myself. She was there through all of it and she helped me through so many hard times.

ALSO, this whole time line of events is on the one year anniversary of my grandfather’s death. So I’m really an emotional wreck fr.

[gayerluke]

You are a good pet owner. Like it’s just a fact at this point. I don’t think you’re an animal hoarder seeing as you’ve had three I think you said but it is true that when we take pets in from a shelter or off the street that they probably would be dead if we hadn’t done that. You’re emotional because you care. I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can, you’re in my thoughts 😔

thanks -- also again i only have 2 right now, one dog & one cat (in addition to my 5 hissing cockroaches but if anyone thinks i should surrender those bc they haven’t been to a vet then idk what to say). the third dog is jointly mine but she lives with my ex & has for the past 2 years ever since we split. she is the dog being euthanized tomorrow.

& speaking of doing the best thing for quality of life even if it’s difficult, that is exactly what we are doing with her. her sarcoma is so large & will only grow back more aggressive if she has a second surgery to remove it. the only treatment option for her is amputation of her leg. she is 13, partially blind & deaf, & also having seizures which may be due to the cancer spreading to her brain. even if the leg is amputated, it’s going to be a painful & stressful surgery & recovery process for her, & at her age & with the possible brain tumor, it’s unlikely to buy her much time -- & whatever time it does buy is likely to be even worse for her quality-wise. even still, i made an appointment with the specialty hospital for an evaluation & to get a second opinion, but the soonest they can get us in is this friday & with her leg the way it is we (along with her vet) have decided that is too long to wait. of course we have both agonized over this decision, which is made even worse by the fact that my ex & i have not been in contact for a long time & aren’t on good terms. my followers know that i drew up a pet custody agreement when we split & that my ex hasn’t been keeping up with her end of the deal in keeping me informed & involved in the dog’s healthcare decisions; i was even looking at getting a lawyer just a week ago! of course we don’t want to euthanize our sweet dog but it’s the best choice out of our limited options.

also when i say my pets would be dead if i hadn’t taken them, this dog is the only one for which i know that is 100% true -- as i’ve said, she was abandoned in the parking lot of the shelter where i worked, unable to use her back legs at all. the shelter suspected she needed back surgery, but given how expensive that is (upwards of $5,000 -- if you look at a list of vet surgeries ranked by most expensive, it’s usually at the top), they did not have the funds to do it. again, it was a difficult quality of life decision, & the choice they made was going to be euthanasia.

my own dog had already had this same surgery once if not twice by then (he’s had a total of 3 & i don’t remember the exact timing). i wanted to be okay with seeing a similar dog put to sleep, but i wasn’t. (my ex, who also worked at the shelter, struggled of course because she became very attached, but for the record, she had resigned herself to seeing the dog put down.) i made my only sucker decision & said i would take her home. this was a decision absolutely made at the last possible minute -- they were preparing the room for the euthanasia & employees had started crying for her already. & then i had to beg the higher-ups to let me take her! they even at one point in the negotiations were going to ask for a bank statement to prove that i had the funds to get her her back surgery! they were quite literally holding her for ransom -- show us you can pay or we’ll kill the dog. i would have been able to afford it, but coming from previous experience & on the advice of a neurologist, we decided first to confine her to her crate for several months to limit her activity. this is an approved alternate to surgery for a dog with a slipped disk, which is what we suspected she had. after a few weeks of cage rest, she began walking again & miraculously recovered. she never had back problems again & still hasn’t to this day.

that was almost 6 years ago exactly. we bought her 6 years of a good life that she wouldn’t have otherwise had.

[hometowninbytown]

July 24: Jerry and Furry Tales  adoptions

So lied in my cat yoga post.  This is the story of our cats Vinson, Churchill and little Jerry. Warning this story includes seizures, Feline HIV and animals dying.  About 8 months ago my roommate and I got two cats…

Vinson was found on my roommate’s family farm in November and we took him to give him a home. The farm is a known dumping place for unwanted cats and it was getting cold.  A normal cat weights about 10-12 pounds, he weighed two and was declawed. We know he was once loved because he was so cuddly, social and had scared tissues on his tummy from a past surgery. He had a little bit of a drunken walk so after he gained a little weight we took him to the vet and was doing some testing. He didn’t have a microchip or collar when he was found and we spend hours looking on online groups to see if anyone lost him. We tried to find his home but we gave him a lovely one while we waited.

We loved Vinson, he would sleep in our beds and we spoil him like crazy. In February it seems like he was getting better. He was gaining weight and his tests were coming back clean. We were so excited and happy for him… Until one Wednesday morning I woke up to him screaming in the hallway. His blander had failed and he was having on going seizures. He was in so much pain. I tried taking him into my bed to comfort him as both my roommate and I madly called around to find a vet. Lucky our vet could take him at 8:30 in the morning. We wrapped him in a blanket and my roommate held him while we drove. He was in so much pain and it was the only way to transport him without adding to it.  We left his carrier at home, we all know it was time to say goodbye.

The Vet thinks he may have had a brain tumor that grew too big. I took Vinson’s death pretty hard and I’m still thankful we had Churchill around to help me cope. He was so loving. He cuddle and purred while I ugly cried over Vinson. Churchill began sleeping on my bed nightly around that time and he was a strong and happy cat. Until one Wednesday morning when we woke up to find another one of our cats screaming in pain. Both my roommate and I were hit with instance guilt and we ran through our house hold list of cat and cleaning supplies we use to see if anything may have cause this to happen to both cats.  

We took Churchill back to our vet and I didn’t think we were going to leave with him, but this time we did even if it came with a time limit. His tests came back positive for feline HIV and leukaemia and he lost sight in his right eye. For the next few months we gave him eye drops 4 times a day and other meds twice a day.  A couple months in his blander started failing him at night when he was sleeping in either one of our beds. So we made the choice to have him wear cat diapers at night and closes our bedroom doors during the day. It would have broken his little heart to be locked out of our rooms and away from us at night. It’s not the right choice for everyone but he was still a happy cat so we made it work.

We knew we were going to lose him and he did have a lot of good weeks in that couple months after he got his test results.  He went blind in both eyes and develop glaucoma in his right eye. The night before we said goodbye I woke up around 4 am and couldn’t find him in our apartment. I could just find little pools of blood everywhere. His eye had gotten pretty swollen over the night and the poor little guy was just bleeding everywhere. That night we took him to the vet to saw our goodbyes. It was the same vet and I’m pretty sure she cried with us. The vet also thought it was time to let him go. After he was gone the vet helped us make Christmas ornaments with his paw prints on it and my roommate took him back to the farm to bury him under his favourite tree. Before he came to live with us he was her family cat for about 8 years.So in a 6 months’ time we went from no cats, to two cats back to no cats and we were pretty heart broken. We knew we were going to get some more cats but wanted to wait for a while. 

Flash forward to 2 months later to cat yoga on Sunday… I saw little Jerry and I fell in love and I just knew he was right for our house hold. Right after yoga while I was still sitting in the café I started filling out the forms to apply for his adoptions. Later that day I received a phone call that asked me some questions to see if we were the right fit for little Jerry. I paid the fee online and two days later I picked him after the café closed. He came with a little gift bag and lots of coupons for free food and deals at pet stores around town. When we got him he was sprayed and came with all his shots for his age. 

I was so happy with my experience with Furry Tales and so thankful to have this little guy in my life. I know I need a pet and I find them a great part of our support system for my roommate  and I. I love this kitten and I already feel he has change my life for the better.

[sisterbestill]

I write this on my iPhone, sitting next to my dad, who is currently getting his 4th Chemo Therapy Treatment of Carboplatin and Taxol. The drugs are chemical bombs and each week the accumulative damage grows. They pre-treat him with histamine blocking meds so he doesn’t have reactions, but he has reactions during the infusion, like he can’t breath. The nurses are well aware and calmly manage the reactions with more meds. These meds cause him to become very drowsy, so the remainder of the day becomes about keeping him from falling.

I still am trying to process all that has occurred since early August 2018. I look back on these pictures of our last outing at Lake Jocassee and never would have guessed how things would change just a week later. I’ve often wondered how cancer strikes people so quickly, now I know. I am writing this so I will never forget each minute that will forever live with me. I am also using this as a way to cope and understand something that is unfamiliar and terrifying.

My parents have always taken care of themselves and one another. They have been very lucky to have good health and I have been lucky to have them as energetic as they are in their eighties. When they moved up here from Florida, I was delighted I was going to finally be able to spend more time with them - like daily and weekly vs. just twice a year. They moved 15 minutes away or a lovely 60 min bike ride through rolling countryside and mountains. I was giddy and felt the universe shift a bit. I felt pulled to them. They are in fact two of the coolest, funniest, and open-minded people I know.

Shortly after this kayak trip (photos above) they decided to make a pact to live to 100 and created a “bucket list”. They were thankful for their health and never took it for granted. Perhaps the bucket list idea was a way to for them to celebrate how young they felt or perhaps they recognized they were chronologically getting up there.

Paddling on Jocassee was relaxing, calm, and beautiful; Certainly an experience they would have loved to have recreated again and I am hopeful they will. It may look different in the future, but I suspect the beauty and calmness of the lake will bath their brains in peace.

A week after snapping these pics, I got a call from my mom, she was on her way to the ER with my Dad. I was working one floor up and met them in the ER. While we waited, I learned my Dad had been feeling fatigued for several months and had developed shortness of breath over last few weeks. It wasn’t evident on the kayak trip that he was struggling, but it was obvious in the ER. My mom said they had been to their primary care several times and their primary care doc reassured him it was natural aging, as tests did not reveal anything to be concerned about.

As we sat for 6 hours in the waiting area, I was certain it was nothing serious. Afterall, my dad had no other health issues other than a little hypertension. His meds consisted of an 81 mg baby aspirin and amlodipine 2.5 mg each day - what a lucky guy. I was thinking maybe he had pleurisy or walking pneumonia.

We finally were shown to a room and labs were drawn. We were relieved to finally get things moving. By this time my sister, Lori, and I were getting silly from the fatigue of waiting. We were thoroughly entertained by a belligerent drunk guy on a stretcher in the halllway who seemed to draw all the attention of the medical staff while we well-behaved folks waited for answers.

I noticed my dad’s HR would easily jump to a sinus tach in the 130s with just a little bit of movement. Something didn’t seem right, but I was not going to speculate or think the worst. I was just his daughter, at his side, keeping the mood light.

We were informed by the physician assistant caring for us that his left diaphragm was elevated and was probably the cause of his shortness of breath. I was a little taken back as this was an unusual finding that left me with a knot in my stomach. Not too long after this finding he was whisked away for a CT of his chest.

He returned to the room and we waited for results. The PA came in with a sticky note and said she read off it: “You have a very large anterior mediastinal mass...No one here will operate because of your age...We are discharging you and you will need to see an oncologist.”

Our mouths dropped. My stomach bottomed-out as she said “mass” and my face flushed. We all just blankly looked at one another. Go home?

I spoke to a good nurse friend in recovery and she called the thoracic resident. I spoke to the PA who delivered the news and said, “We can’t go home. He is short of breath. He and my mom live alone. His Heart rate is bouncing up to 130s. He is weak. Please admit him and consult thoracic surgery.” My dad chimes in, “I’m not a throw away!” Meaning he doesn’t want to be dismissed because of his chronological age. He was far healthier than most half his age and this deserved a second look. The radiologist who read the report never actually saw my dad, but he did see a birthdate.

The next day, the interventional radiologist who read his CT and gave us the crappy news also did a needle biopsy of this baseball size mass.

We went home on a Wednesday after 2 days and waited. We were waiting for results and waiting for an appointment with a thoracic surgeon. Waiting is tough and if you are sick you will learn the meaning of patience.

We made it to Sunday when I thought something wasn’t right with my dad. He continued to have episodes of shortness of breath, but something was still off. I knew he had anxiety, but this was different. He said he felt fine and I almost left it at that. As a nurse you learn to listen to your 6th sense.

My parents live in a remote part of the county where everything is 30 min away. I left there house and an hour later returned with a pulse oximeter that I purchased from a CVS drug store. His oxygenation was 95% not bad for a guy now breathing 40 times a minute with 1.25 lung capacity. However, his pulse read 155 and I was baffled. No way?! I palpated his radial artery and it was a match. Off we went to the ER...

ER visit number II was faster as we went to a smaller satellite hospital 30 min from their home. The rhythm was too fast on the monitor to establish what it was so the ER MD attempted to chemically cardiovert him with adenosine. Adenosine is pushed quickly through an IV. It stops and restarts the heart. I can not lie, I was nervous. It’s so diffferent when this is your own family member. My mom tearfully excused herself and I stayed by his bedside. The ER doc informed my dad it would suck, and we proceeded. It sucked. He felt his heart stop and I watched his eyes bulge and panic come across his face for 3 of the longest seconds of my life. We were able to see he had an underlying atrial flutter. We were started on a verapamil drip and were transported to the main hospital for management by a cardiologist. His heart converted back to a normal rhythm on the verapamil drip before we left the ER in transport to Main hospital at 1 am. We were under the impression it was stress related to the new shitty diagnosis and having to wait on results.

The next day he had an echocardiogram to look at the structure and function of his heart. He was started on a Metoprolol a drug that blocks adrenaline and keeps heart rate lower and it was doing its’ job.

He spent 2 nights in hospital and outside of naps, lacked solid hours of good sleep. We finally got word that his ECHO results were good. No one said a word about metastatic disease to his pericardium. We were told he had a small ring of fluid within the pericardial sack, but it wasn’t a lot and certainly not something they felt needed draining. The atrial flutter responded well to the metoprolol and we were discharged home to once again wait for our thoracic surgery appointment.

We finally made it to the thoracic surgeon to learn of what was growing in my dad’s mediastinum. I was hoping for a thymoma, but instead we drew the really short stick with a highly aggressive, highly invasive cancer called: Squamos Cell Thymic Carcinoma.

WTF? Come on! Can we not catch a break here?

I had never heard of this type of cancer and neither have many in the medical field cause in addition to being aggressive and invasive, it is also a rare tumor. A rare tumor that hasn’t impacted enough lives that researchers devote a lot of time, money and effort into understanding it. Not only that, but sadly, most people die before any data can be collected. Once you get short of breath, dry cough and fatigue it is usually advanced.

PET Scan had some questionable lymph nodes light up, but no other disease was noted distal to the mediastinal cavity.

We hoped it could be removed. Excising the tumor was first choice in the management of this cancer and had the best outcomes, but to do this the surgeon would need to get clean margins. The thoracic surgeon wanted a cardiac MRI to examine if this tumor had invaded any of his great vessels. CT scans had only shown that the tumor was abutting the ascending aorta, but we needed to be certain cause the surgery involved opening his sternum with a saw and recovery would be 5-6 weeks. The surgeon emphasized that he didn’t want to operate and create trauma without being able to get the entire tumor. He didn’t want to delay care in a time-is-of-the-essence scenario.

It was 6pm on a Monday evening just days out from last hospitalization, when I returned to their house to check on him. Earlier that morning, my mom and I took his mini Pomeranian back to the vet and learned it was dying. The vet apologized and said it was time. We put my dad’s 18 y/o Pom, Ben, to sleep at 10:30. My mom held him and he passed. We were a mess. We told my dad and his response seemed flat. Distant.Something else was on his mind.

I stayed close and felt something was amiss, something was unfolding, progressing. I was thinking is he getting an infection? His temp was 100.2, slightly more SOB, and his pulse was 95-110 at rest, on a beta blocker. Nowhere near his norm and I could not ignore this or excuse it. My dad is precious to me. I looked at my mom and dad, apologized as I informed them we needed to go back to the ER. They were agreeable. I think he was relieved I recognized something was wrong.

Shortly after arrival at the satellite ER labs were drawn and ultrasound of his heart was done by ER doc. He said there appeared to be a large fluid collection around my dad’s heart. We were again admitted to ICU for a condition called Cardiac Tamponade. Early the next morning he had the fluid drained 600 ml from around his heart. The fluid build up which is inside the pericardial sac squeezes the heart. The heart can be stunned and go into failure. The fluid that was drawn off was sent for cytology. It was suspicious. It was likely metastatic disease.

In fact after annoying the cardiologist with repeated questions in the hallway, he motioned me over to his computer screen. He showed me the ECHO and pointed out the thickening of the pericardium and showed me a mass dangling from his ventricle. I didn’t need to wait for cytology. This was confirmation for me that we were very far into a disease process. My face flushed, my heart sank, and my stomach dropped as I comprehended the situation. I thanked the MD and my mom asked what he was showing me. I told her. I saw the color leave her face.

The thoracic surgeon was still hoping to remove the mass as the CT didn’t show it had invaded the great vessels, but he did want a Cardiac MRI which was on the back burner. We were still in ICU cause the Cardiac Tamponade and procedure to drain the fluid triggered a lot of Atrial Flutter and Atrial Fibrillation. We waited for the Cardiac MRI for 3 days. There is only one machine and his was repeated twice before they got quality images. The thoracic surgeon finally met with us and after consulting his partners, radiologist, and oncologist, it was decided surgery was just too risky and he wasn’t certain he could get clear margins. He stressed how he didn’t want to create more problems or delay my dad in getting treatment if there were complications. We very much appreciated the thoughtfulness of his answer. We really didn’t have a minute to spare. The surgeon decided to cut a window in my dad’s heart so the cancer did not build up more fluid and compress this vital organ again. The cancer cells would drain into his belly instead of filling the pericardial sack.

We were discharged home in a questionable state: weak. At first we were told he would stay until he was walking well, but the hospital was full and we were off-loaded unexpectedly. Home is a place with stairs. Stairs to to get in and stairs to get out and the most movement he had done in a week was walking 25 ft with a walker and that was exhausting for him. I was concerned about falls. How were me and my mom going to get 170 lb man up 5 steps safely? He was too weak. He hadn’t eaten, he had not slept in 10 days. We were behind the eight ball and chemo had not even started.

Chemo is rough. To survive chemo, one needs some level of fitness, meaning able to perform ADLs independently and move often. We were overwhelmed. The next week was labor intensive and emotionally draining. Here we were home and we were struggling. He still wasn’t eating, still not sleeping, and my radar was on constant alert. I spent my days observing and looking for subtle changes. Oh and there were changes that needed immediate attention as he flipped in and out of rapid atrial fibrillation and got urinary tract infection.

I was scared and my dad was terrified. In times when we were alone, he would ask me: “How did this happen?” He would shake his head as if disappointed in his body. Disbelief. He was unable to comprehend it and he too was terrified.

To be continued...

[milk-and-cosmo]

Dream of Butterflies

Four days ago on Jan 5th, my husband and I put down our cat Nuggets. He outlived the 3-6 months prognosis from the cancer oncologist. He was diagnosed with both brain and nasal tumor in June 2021. He made it through Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years which I am grateful for as we got to spend each holiday together. Here is a photo of younger Nuggets taken summer of 2016. 

I was worried the whole time about the appointment itself but it went so smoothly. I was instructed to give Gabapentin at home 2 hours prior to the appointment which made him sleepy. I went upstairs to shower and came back down to spend some time with him. He awoke and drank some Hydracare and off we went to the vet. At the vet they gave him some medication to relax him. His mouth was hanging open and he was wide eyed and feeling good. I cleaned his nose which was blood streaked. He got into a fight with Cosmo (and WON) in the morning but sneezed 10x in a row. We bought him to the vet in his blue fluffy bed and his pink blanket. He felt relaxed and comfy in his bed. Once it was time, we put the whole bed with him in our lap, the doctor gave him a sleeping medication and his eyes almost closed. He was sleepy. The final dose was the end of life medication. The doctor said “Dream of Butterflies”. It worked fast within 10-15 seconds he was gone. I was balling my eyes out. I told him “I love you Nuggets. I will never forget you.” My husband was crying too. And just like that..it was over. Quick, smooth transition, he was gone. I was dreading this appointment but it went so well. Nuggets was very comfortable, cozy just like she promised. 

My heart hurts so bad. Been crying for several days now. This kind of heartbreak is hard because pets are so innocent, the give you unconditional love. He was always there even if he didn't feel good. He was there to greet us when we came home from work. He loved humans! The morning of the goodbye, he jumped up onto my pillow and attempted to lick me. He gave me lots of loving and kisses. I gave him many kisses too and told him I love him too. He knows. I took care of him the last 2 years of his life when he was at his lowest and sickest point. That is what matters. The care taker when you are feeling down. I did everything I could for him and gave him a wonderful 2 years.

The hardest part of all this is coming home knowing that he is not here. I have his bed that still smells like him and I smell him everyday. I touch his lock of fur from the vet. I look for him in all the places he normally lays. I keep expecting him to be around. It is hard to accept the fact that he is gone. I spoke to his vet yesterday and she said we did the right thing even though our heart may not think so. We always want one more day, one more day. It’s an adjustment for everyone in the household right now. Cosmo always hung out with him and I think that he knows he is not here. I think he is grieving too.

Part of the grieving process also comes guilt and disbelief. Still feels like a dream sometimes. My guilt is “I should have done more.” “I should have said more”. I was guilty I went up to shower and when I came down we got ready to leave for our appointment. I wish I had one last cuddle time with him before I gave him the gabapentin. My hubby told me that he spoke to him while I was in the shower so that makes me feel better. We did cuddle in the morning when he jumped up on the bed. I still wish I did it one more time.

Today, my hubby and I are heading out to the coast. We will be going to Goat Rock Beach where we took Nuggets summer of 2020. We will get gathering some sand in a jar to bury with him since he loved the beach. I think I will feel much more comforted and better once he is buried. It will give me some closure. I love you Nug Bug and I will never forget you.

[fredzillas-blog1]

I’m sorry I’ve been MIA today, I decided to make gifs when I got home and that consumed a lot of my time. Why does it take so long to make resources? I’ll get to a few replies but I likely won’t be clearing out my drafts until tomorrow.

Also -- thanks to everyone that sent well wishes before, my dog is finally back home! Her balance is still off but that should clear up. They diagnosed her with vestibular disease which basically means she has problems with her inner ear, we were thinking it might’ve been that but we were worried there was an underlying cause like tumor or brain bleed or spinal injury. Fortunately the vet didn’t think there was any deeper issues so they kept her four days to give her injections and sent her home with antibiotics for the rest of the week once they saw improvement. Hopefully she won’t have another problem with it but if she does they’ll do surgery to release the pressure in her ears.

This week has just been long and exhausting and I think I slept four hours ??? maybe ??? last night, and I have not felt the healthiest so I may be coming down with something, so please bear with me. I love you all. And if you want to plot with any of my children, you know where to find me.

[buyingusedcar]

New Pet Products, Medicine Showcased at Western Veterinary Conference

Las Vegas, – Horsing around in Las Vegas isn’t Normally like this. Dr. W. Leon Scrutchfield surrendered his secret would be to be fine ‘n simple when playing the horses, or in their own situation when playing with horses that suffer toothaches.  Dr. Scrutchfield is a professor and chief of field services for large creatures, at Texas A & M University College of Veterinary Medicine – College Station.  He gave a talk called “Equine Dentistry,” and was among 180 introducing veterinarians revealing new research for animal care in the 72nd Annual Western Veterinary Conference, Feb. 20-24, 2000.

More than 7,000 pet care professionals attended the seminar held in the Las Vegas Hilton and Riviera Hotels in what is arguably the biggest instructional veterinary convention in the country.  In addition to the educational sessions, pharmaceutical companies, pet food manufacturers and companies which produce an assortment of pet toys and equipment for vets showed off their products.  Scalpels were exhibited using plush stuffed toy cats and dogs, kitty litter was spread, flea products sprayed and at least one daring spokesperson even ate kibble for a skeptical vet who dared to inquire, “but does it taste good? ”

Here are some highlights:Dr. Gregory Hanson of Davis, Calif. explained that vets once treated pets for pain when they literally cried out for help, yowling or howling.  “For one thing, we finally have the means to not wait long,” he explained.  In addition, he pointed out that new research indicates pets may not display distress even when they’re experiencing severe pain.  “They can’t tell us – and instinctively they just don’t express their pain.  Instead their energies are directed at recovery.  As an instance, a postoperative dog lying silently was until very recently supposed to be comfy.  However, in reality that dog might not be comfortable in any way.  As a livelihood our default must be to treat for pain unless the creature convinces us otherwise. ”

Hanson also spoke about the advantages of combining pain relief medications.  Done properly and carefully, the effectiveness will increase and the potential for side effects may lessen.

“Ooops, missed that litter box,” is the number one pet behavior complaint, but little research has trickled out to ascertain why some cats think outside the box.  Dr. Sharon Crowell-Davis and Dr. Wailani Sung of the University of Georgia – Athens are now in the process of compiling results from their still-to-be-published study.

At a sneak preview of her results, Crowell-Davis showed of these cats with box issues, four of ten pay their eliminations, in comparison with all the squeaky management group where seven of ten covered their excrement.  Also, problem cats don’t invest as much time at the box sniffing about compared to cats that consistently reach their targets.  This means if your cat isn’t covering up and isn’t sniffing its bathroom, see, you will soon have a kitty with poor aim.  Crowell-Davis and Wailani additionally found most litter boxes to be too small.

Dr. Ken Bartels is on the frontier of laser medicine.  He explained new tactics to deal with cancer without traditional chemotherapy or surgery.  A special drug (called a photosensitzer) is injected intravenously to the pet and also manages to travel to the cancerous tumors where the vet points a laser light, aims and fires.  The laser light activates the cancer fighting drug, and “bang zoom” the cancer cells have been blasted away.  This treatment has been used with success on cancer of the nose cats and with skin and esophageal cancers in both dogs and cats.

Bartels, of Stillwater, Okla. is the president-elect of the Oklahoma Veterinary Medical Association, and also a long-time proponent of laser operation.  He said in 1990 less than two dozen practices around the nation had laser engineering, and they were largely at veterinary teaching associations.  Nowadays, there are approximately 700 lasers in practices across the nation.  He supposes that the moment the year 2010, 90% of all veterinary clinics will share the cutting edge technologies, that's the ability to perform surgery without actually cutting with a scalpel.

Bartels suspects even elective surgeries, such as spay/neuters, will increasingly be performed utilizing lasers.  “There’s less trauma to the body because the operation is less invasive, there’s less pain to the animal and normally a faster recovery,” he says.  Possibly the most immediate and pressing use for laser surgeries can be for reptiles or birds.  These critters are expert at masking illness, so often by the time that they ’re diagnosed, they might be severely sick.  It’s no operation that necessarily kills birds or reptiles, it’s the strain of prolonged recovery – using laser gear, this becomes much less of a problem.

Unfortunately, since the average laser operates anywhere from $25,000 to $50,000, the cost of laser surgery is at least for now somewhat costlier than traditional surgery.

Even vets were tangled in a web of confusion, seeing private boxes in which 12 company reps pitched their sites.  Some sites focused exclusively on veterinary clientele, others – like pets.com – are for e-commerce attractive to the public.

Brand-new is petplace.com, a virtual veterinary medical dictionary plus a source for preventative medicine and wellness programs, launched by pets.com.

Another new website, goodnewsforpets.com is really targeted to members of their pet press.

Chemical behaviorist Dr. Karen Overall from the University of Pennsylvania School of Veterinary Medicine – Philadelphia, talked in Good detail concerning obsessive-compulsive disease (OCD) in puppies.  She introduced evidence that dogs may have hallucinations, demonstrating a videotape of a dog pouncing on fanciful mice.  Dogs can also present OCD by chasing their tails, self-grooming, or pursuing imaginary flies.  Overall additionally clarified separation anxiety, sound phobia and thunderstorm anxiety in dogs.  She says in all situations, the evidence seems clear that the brain chemistry has been altered.  She and other investigators are compiling evidence that indicates when medication or behaviour modification is demonstrated to be helpful, the brain chemistry returns to normal.

Just as brain chemistry levels may impact a pet’s psychological well being, there might soon be medical means to actually measure dominance aggression in dogs.  Overall says pee display data shows different amino acid measurements in dogs that are aggressive.  If nothing else that is evidence that something neurochemical is happening in these competitive dogs.

Dr. Thomas Goerblich of Munich, Germany was covering the conference for what amounts to the German version of Dog Fancy and Cat Fancy.  He clarified , in Germany veterinarians are reluctant to be interviewed since vets aren’t permitted to advertise their practices, so that they ’re exceedingly cautious to not misconstrue anything they say to the press as self marketing.  “It’s convinced not that way in the states,” he states.  Goerblich, who's a veterinarian, was schooled in Germany but trained at the Chicago region.  He states despite the fact that there are more pets in Germany than before (5.6 million adults and 5 million dogs), there are also more vets than previously, and lots of trained as vets simply can’t find a job.

Dr. Andy Eschner, manager of professional services at Iselin, N.J.-based Merial (manufacturer of animal health products, such as Frontline) talked about how synthetic pyrethroids (most often labeled permethrins) are potentially deadly to cats.  All these are place on flea control products for dogs, that are mandated by legislation to have labels warning against usage on cats.  The dilemma is that the packing might have that warning in small print, but resemble the packaging of Frontline or Advantage.  Don’t be fooled.  When used anywhere near cats these products are potentially very hazardous.  Eschner points it out ’s potential that a chummy cat rubbing up against a medicated dog might be adversely affected.

Note: This guide is copyrighted by Steve Dale and can be applied as source material and for reference only.  It can't be reprinted verbatim.  Please contact Steve Dale at petworld@aol.com if you have any questions.

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Thoughts on Tilly

Tilly was adopted pregnant, she’s quite young, and has supposedly had her head tilt from birth, which makes her fall over a lot, run in circles, get confused etc. It’s possible that the tilt was caused by an ear infection, BUT since she did not have any vet care from her prior owner and those infections don’t usually clear up on their own, I doubt it. Additionally, her ‘top’ eye bulges out a little and often points in odd directions, and she has a tendency to bite, both associated with brain tumors, the other likely cause of the tilt. I strongly support the tumor idea in her case, although I think a lot of her biting stems from confusion and fear about her surroundings. (She doesn’t always bite, she also loves to nibble, lick and snoof. But she does lunge and draw blood with very little provocation, only to be gentle and nibbly and happy moments later.)

She’s a pretty hopeless mother, but she’s doing her best. She’s a sweet girl, but has several medical issues that make life hard. Rats are prey animals and hide thier pain/illness well, so I’ve got her under a very close watch. She’s okay, at worst, but after the litter is weaned I’ve got some real examining to do to learn more about her quality of life, and some decisions to make about how/where she should be housed or whether it’s bad/progressing enough to warrant euthanasia. I know many people would have euthanized her as soon as they saw the tilt or got bitten the first time, and I understand that, but right now I can’t say for sure that her quality of life is bad enough that she can’t live a happy life right now, let alone when doing so would mean taking her feeding away from the babies. Of course I am, and will continue, doing everything I can to make her life great, but I need to think about this stuff, it’s an important aspect of her care. More rambling under the cut, mostly just me filing my thoughts away. Also, doesn’t she have the cutest face? she’s very lovely. That’s her big pregnant belly showing, she’s tiny usually.

Tilly gave me a good bite today - hard enough that she dangled off my finger like a piranha for a good 20 seconds until she decided to let go. Bone is a bit achy but no prob. I would expect a young mum to be nippy, but it could also be a behavioral side effect of the tumor. I’ll know in time, for now I’m just doing what I can to make things easy on all three of us. She did take a chocolate chip from my hand a few minutes later meek as anything, the little shit.

She’s a big baby, she eats very little but will scarf down todder formula or baby food for days when I syringe feed it to her. She wasn’t malnourished/too skinny even when I got her but is very small even for a young rat and very slender. It’s clear she can eat anything when she has to to, but she seems to only bother when she’s very hungry, and even then she gets distracted and circles away at the slightest opportunity. She also displayed a lot of pica before the pregnancy - eating non-food items, in her case, litter. A LOT of it. Rats chew that stuff all the time but they don’t swallow, yet Tilly’s poop was downright fibrous, a dangerous habit. Pica is common during human pregnancy, especially when iron deficiency is present, and I wouldn’t rule that out as the cause of Tilly’s. There is research suggesting that pica may be (in rough terms) the rat equivalent of vomiting (rats can’t vomit) and it’s also associated with pain.

After the litters are weaned, I’ll have to make some choices about Tilly’s quality of life and prospects for the future, since she has health issues, aggression (imo because she’s scared from falling over all the time), and doesn’t seem to be adapting too well to her mobility issues. She won’t be rehomed to a pet home, and so far introductions with my own girls have not gone well. (Of course that was halted during the last week of pregnancy and won’t recommence until the babies are weaned.) She may be able to fit in with another tilted older girl, Mumma, and her cage of disabled rats at the local rescue, but she can’t if she’s going to continue to be human-aggressive after the pregnancy.

I’ll do what I can until either her biting makes proper care impossible, or her medical trouble warrants euthanasia.

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Warning Signs of Neurological Disorders in Canines

How to Tell If Your Dog  features a   nervous disorder Like every pet owner, I confess that  i'm  sometimes guilty of missing the signs that my dog  has health problems. I lost my Jack Russell to cancer and had a heart-stopping experience with my dog, Misty. This experience made me realize how important  it's   to understand   what is going on  on with my dog's health  to stop  the heartache of losing  yet one more  pet.

In this case, I'm speaking specifically of neurological disorders, the signs of which are often ignored as finicky or frivolous.  this is often  often the case with neurological disorders in humans  also . Neurological Disorders Are Difficult to Diagnose.

The difficulty with neurological disorders is that  a number of  their symptoms  also can  be signs of other problems your pet  could also be  having. Difficulty walking,  for instance ,  are often  caused by pain in other areas of the body,  a bit like  head-shaking  are often  caused by mites  within the  ears or an  internal ear  infection. While many  of those  signs  aren't  specific to neurological disorders,  you ought to  not rule out these disorders. If  you think   there is a  problem, take your dog to the vet  directly . Signs of Neurological Disorders in Dogs    1-Stumbling, Lack of Balance, or Coordination    2-Shaking of  the top   3- Persistent Trembling    4-Dragging of the Paws   5- Darting or "Flickering" Eyes (Nystagmus)    6-Visual Disturbances    7-Disorientation, e.g.  watching  Blank Walls    8-Chronic Tail-Chasing    9-Seizures    10-Pain    11-Lack of Appetite or Anorexia 1. Stumbling, Lack of Balance or Coordination Any dog with a  nervous disorder   are going to be  uncoordinated.  this might  be caused by any combination  of things ,  like  the onset of conditions like  paralysis agitans  (yes, it affects dogs, too), chemical imbalances  within the  brain, infection, or a tumor of the brain. Signs that your dog  has  trouble with balance:    Head tilt    Nausea    Falling or rolling    Tremors    Eyeballs that shake (nystagmus)    Lack of coordination    High-stepping Misty had several episodes of not  having the ability   to steer  and falling on  high-low-jack   whenever  she got up. I had  to hold  her to be weighed at the vets, where she again tumbled over  during a  vain  plan to  stand. She finally managed  to face , and my husband  and that i  heaved huge sighs of relief,  a minimum of  for that minute! 2. Shaking of  the top No, the dog  isn't  plugged into its earphones. Head-shaking is another sign of a neurological problem,  and maybe  one  that's  fairly severe. A dog will shake its head occasionally  to urge   obviate  excess water in its ears or when its head is wet. When it shakes its head to and fro  no end , however, or without apparent cause (like an  internal ear  infection), raise the alarm immediately. That is exactly what happened to Misty when she experienced seizures. It took time for the head-shaking  to prevent . 3. Persistent Trembling It is not just  the top   which will  shake uncontrollably,  the remainder  of the muscles  within the  dog's body might tremor  also .  it had been  certainly what happened in Misty’s case. That,  along side   a touch  whining, means  you ought to  seek emergency veterinary care. ��make certain  to rule out  the opposite  causes of shivering and trembling in dogs, like white dog shaker syndrome. Video: A Dog With Neurological Signs 4. Dragging of the Paws If your dog suddenly starts  to tug  its feet  rather than  walking, go see the vet. This sudden deterioration of motor skills  may be a   explanation for  concern and  may be a  symptom of limb paresis, paralysis, or weakness. Paresis  is that the  reduced ability of an animal  to maneuver  a limb, and paralysis  is that the  complete inability  to maneuver  a limb. Though difficulty moving  also can  be the  results of  physical symptoms, in some cases, it can indicate trouble between the brain  and therefore the   remainder of  the body. Other symptoms include:    -Knuckling    -Abnormal gait    -Difficulty moving or paralysis  of 1  limb, both limbs, or all four legs It was certainly disconcerting to witness Misty stumbling and dragging her paws  because the  veterinary clinician tried to weigh her. 5. Darting or "Flickering" Eyes (Nystagmus) Your dog’s eyes may "flicker" if  it's  an inherent neurological problem. Your dog  might not  be  ready to  focus properly on its surroundings, and  it's going to  not be  ready to  recognize you temporarily either. Similarly, vestibular disease patients often present with characteristic "darting eyes."  this is often   a standard  condition in older dogs but  could also be  idiopathic or without a known origin. Misty’s eyes were turned in two directions and "flickering"—it was  quite  traumatic sight. Thankfully, that episode is over! 6. Visual Disturbances If your dog is suddenly having vision problems like blindness or walking into objects, it's possible that  there's  an underlying neurological problem. A neurologic dog will experience  field of vision  defects,  diplopia , fluctuating vision (good  at some point  and not the other), reduced clarity of vision, or may exhibit squinting and misalignment. 7. Disorientation (Staring at Blank Walls) I remember asking this question once because I saw Misty starting at blank walls from time to time. I had originally thought, as did the vet, that  it had been   thanks to  the pain she was already experiencing as a  results of  an infected womb. I now know that improper brain function and disorientation  is that the   explanation for  her staring (without reason) at the walls  round her .  this is often  also a condition that older dogs can exhibit (without neurological causes), simply  thanks to  age.  it is vital   to notice  whether or not this behavior is new, as similar  sorts of  disorientation  also can  be  related to  senior dog conditions or stroke. 8. Chronic Tail-Chasing All dogs love chasing their tails. But when a dog exhibits this behavior too often,  it's  not just play—it is time  to require  them to the vet. Although dogs that are experiencing pain may exhibit  this sort  of behavior,  it's  also  a robust  sign of a  nervous disorder , especially if this behavior is chronic. Being a Schnauzer, Misty has no tail to chase since  it had been  docked as a puppy before we acquired her. Should tail-spinning become obsessive, do consult a veterinarian  directly . 9. Seizures Chances are you  that you simply  know what a seizure is. If you see your dog seizing,  confirm  they're safe and won't hit anything, let the seizure pass, and take them to a veterinarian as soon as possible. If  you'll , take a video of the event  to point out  to the veterinarian since  it'd  help them with a diagnosis.  make certain   to observe  your fingers and limbs as your pet is seizing because disoriented dogs can accidentally bite. Symptoms of seizures:    Sudden or violent shaking    Paddling    Vocalization    Dilation of pupils    Unresponsiveness or staring    Loss of consciousness    Salivation or drooling    Stiffness    Twitching    Involuntary urination or defecation Seizures  could also be  secondary to conditions like systemic infections in dogs, which is why  it is vital   to get   a correct  diagnostic workup from your vet. What are the signs of infection in dogs? Some signs of infection in dogs include: sudden fever and illness, sore muscles, reluctance  to maneuver , stiffness in muscles, legs, and gait, shivering, weakness, depression, lack of appetite, increased thirst, and urination 0. Pain Pain  are often  caused by many things,  and a few  pain is caused by neurological issues.  make certain  to rule out arthritis and injury. Common signs of pain (this  isn't  an all-inclusive list):    Crying out    Holding a limb up    Low head carriage If your dog is experiencing pain from normal sensations or touch, like putting on a collar, that's also a  wake-up call  that something neurological  goes  on. 11. Lack of Appetite or Anorexia Persistent nausea is  yet one more sign of a malfunction of the brain. Misty had bouts of nausea before her seizure. There are many causes of nausea, so if you observe this  along side  other symptoms,  don't  wait too long before taking your pet  certain    checkup . Other Signs of  systema nervosum  Disorders Misty’s symptoms  job my memory  of some that I had  once I  suffered from brain tumors.  i'll  not have spun around trying to catch a tail, but I did have inexplicable difficulty walking. Dogs and humans can mirror  one another  where certain conditions and illnesses are concerned. Here are  another  symptoms  which may  indicate neurological trouble  together with your  dog:    -Difficulty swallowing or chewing   - Decreased facial movement    -Vocal abnormalities and changes   - Muscular atrophy of  the top   - Collapsing    -Hearing loss   - Behavioral changes (e.g. confusion, pacing, and wandering)    -Inability to open the mouth   - A dropped or droopy jaw My Dog's Neurological Symptoms and Treatment My pet Schnauzer, Misty, had just undergone a hysterectomy  thanks to  infection.  at some point  she  visited   the toilet   and commenced  shaking her head uncontrollably. When it happened, the trembling sent waves of panic through me because it  jogged my memory  of an episode I'd  skilled  myself. My husband  and that i  rushed her to the vet immediately. Misty had a seizure and was quaking, trembling, and shaking.  it had been quite traumatic to witness. She was hospitalized and awaited further diagnosis. Her head continued to shake, though she was eating and drinking well. The sad  a part of   the entire  episode was that I should have recognized the signs much earlier, even more so because  I even have  been the victim of brain tumors and seizures myself. I wanted to share my experience  in order that  others can read the signs before  it's  too late. I wrote  this text   to assist  you recognize the symptoms of what  could be  neurological problems in your dog so  you'll  take him or her to the vet and have them diagnosed. Everything  within the  amazing phenomenon of life begins with the brain. I hope that sharing this information with  you'll  provide hope for a happier, healthier canine best friend!