#the two of them will eventually reunite but I don’t want to spoil any stuff I have planned so won’t say how the reunion happens right now

[sweetandglovelyart]

Since the games never tell us if Susie has a mother or not I decided to design a mother for her. This is her mom, Beatrix/Trixie. I drew my younger design of her with Susie as a little kid before she disappeared and drew my older/present day design of her with Clover 🍦

[flimflamfranky]

Please show me your AUs

*slams down the heavy tome* i hope you are ready for the can of worms you’ve unleashed. also, i’m sorry for any hopes i get and subsequently dash.

so, in no particular order, we have: - klabaturerman franky. now this one i have done things for but i still wanna. do more. like, him interacting with the merry, and the crew learning what he is, that sort of things. - related to this, is a more general sea spirit/fae franky au, just cuz i like fae stuff. i do have some art ideas for this, i just. haven’t done any of them yet. - supernatural frobrobin au, where franky is a (recently turned) werewolf, robin is a vampire, brook is…brook, and they’re all trapped in a magic mansion by some curse. and it’s just them growing close and bonding and trying to break free. also, ghibli vibes. - speaking of ghibli…howl’s moving castle au. featuring franky as sophie with a curse that turns him into a perceptually broken robot, and robin as howl, but with her canon backstory with the government. also has luffy as calcifer, usopp as merkel, brook as turnip head, and nami/crocodile as a weird split version of the witch of the waste (with croc as the villain and nami as the redeemed version). - a pacific rim au, expect it takes place in a post-apoc version where the kaiji have basically won. starts with luffy, usopp, and chopper finding an abandoned jaeger and decided to pilot it. not sure abt the plot on this one, but it does have franky as a disillusioned former jaeger pilot/engineer. - my franky/blueno au, which is being run by vibes and little else. pretty canon-compliant, but with blueno and franky becoming friends (and possibly more) and then dramatically falling out after the reveal. i initially described it as enemies to lovers, but really, it's lovers to enemies. no happy ends here, boys. - several, count ‘em, SEVERAL franky/rosi aus, cuz i got way to into them and had a lot of ideas and then. never did anything with them - main one is them having a meet cute in water 7, before rosi goes undercover with doffy and before the whole sea train thing happens (rosi’s about 24yo, franky’s 21). it’s basically just them bonding and being cute before going their separate ways. - the other one is a sprawling splitting mess of an au that has the two meet as kids on the streets and becoming fast friends. then they get found by sengoku  and becoming marines, with rosi training with sengoku and franky becoming vegapunk’s protege. I had one idea where they were close to saul, and after the arrest of olivia became disillusioned with the marines and helped her escape, and then joining her try to save ohara. another branch is rosi still going undercover with doffy, but with franky in tow, and that whole she-bang happening, but with franky, rosi, and law all escaping alive. plus a bunch of minor plot threads that i'm forgetting. again, it's a mess. - various frobrobin aus set in the early-mid 19th century (20s-50s mostly) with mobs, romance and political intrigue. - a roleswap au that i have bits and pieces of written, i’ve just never finished it. unfortunately doesn’t have jinbe in it cuz he’s just too hard to swap with, and i started this before he joined. - i’ve written a summary of this before, but my rouge adopts franky au that ultimately leads to franky being a big bro to asl. - a disney's beauty and the beast au, where robin is the “beast” (cursed child who has been outcast from society and became a monster to survive with a flower motif) and franky is the “beauty” aka belle (intelligence child of an eccentric inventor whose ostracized by the town and willing to sacrifice himself to save another). has lucci as an altered gaston and the straw hats (+ others) as various cursed castle residents. - an arc style idea (not really sure if it counts as an au) where franky gets kidnapped and experimented on by the government. basically my whumptober comic, but in long-fic form. - pokemon aus! i’m mostly entertaining these two: - one piece but with pokemon, and how the straw hats met their various pokemon partners. - and a pmd au with the straw hats as the pmd starters (this one is a drawing, so i might actually finish it) - and i do wanna do something with pokemon gijinka, i just

haven’t given it much thought. - an au where law convinces franky to join his crew bc doffy has been trying to muscle in on water 7 and law is basically like, "we both hate this guy, let's team up". this one is very shaky, but I do still love the idea. - a subnautica au? hear me out. it has the straw hats as space pirates that infiltrate the aurora right before it gets shot down, and they end up trapped on the alien planet. they get split into three main groups: franky, luffy, usopp / robin, chopper, jinbe, sanji / zoro, nami, brook. and they all basically try to survive and find the others in their own ways.

- an au where the crew stops at a weird marriage theme island and franky and brook get married by accident. which is a problem cuz this marriage is ~magic~ and psychically bonds them together. so the crew has to figure out how to undo it. also features frobrobin and zosopp. - a cookie run crossover au, with the straw hats as cookies. pretty basic, expect i, like with most things, went overboard and then never finished it. - and some zosopp aus! - a superhero actor au, where usopp is a new actor playing sogeking in a new kids show and zoro is the main villain, and they fall in love. - an au where usopp is a tengu that guards a small forest (but mostly plays harmless pranks) and zoro who is a lost woodsman, and they become close and fall in love. And also maybe save the forest from a rich jerk along the way. - a gurren lagann crossover au, where usopp is simon and franky is kamina, with all the angst that implies. i really like this concept, but I haven’t actually finished gurren lagann, so… - a leverage au, where the straw hats are a band of thieves that help people out. basically taking canon and sticking in a thief/modern au. - you know those one piece rewrite aus? i have one of those, surprise, surprise. starts with gin joining the straw hats with sanji and quickly branching off from there. other big changes include: - jinbe getting introduced super early and helping the straw hats with arlong, and then becoming an ally until he later joins - brook getting swept back to the beginning of the grand-line and meets the straw hats when they first arrive. gets to reunite with laboon before decideding to join the straw hats to finish his old crew’s journey. - a delay in loguetown means that croc succeeds in taking over albasta and the straws hats help vivi overthrow him (with robin working with cobra in the background to betray croc); ends with vivi joining the straw hats bc she publicly allied with pirates - franky running from water 7 with the blueprints and ends up working for doflamingo. He gets sent to check in on croc (and search for robin) after he takes over alabasta and ends up kicking it with the straw hats and eventually deciding to betray doffy and join them - there’s like. a lot more, but if I do ever end up writing it I don’t wanna spoil all of it. - but im probably not, cuz this would be looooooong. *lets out a deep breath* and that’s about it. and if anyone wants to steal any of these ideas, please do, i would love you forever.

[we-are-inevitable]

i would love ALL the thoughts about jack and his kid omg

OKAY I'M GONNA RAMBLE A BIT BUT

okay i'm just. thinking of how terrified he would be coming home from the hospital.

he has everything he needs, because Mama Medda is a saint who helps him so much those first few months; she basically teaches him how to be a parent, because he's. he's not that young, he's 24, but because he lost so many years to addiction he's still playing catch-up on the whole "being an adult" thing, and adding a child into the mix? it's a rough transition.

that first week or so, jack barely gets any sleep- not because his daughter is particularly fussy, but because he's stressed out and he's worrying about everything and he's craving something to calm him down. there's even a time when jack considers the possibility that maybe, just maybe, he made a mistake, and she'd be better off with a different family.

it gets better, obviously; he has everyone else to thank for that. Medda helps him so much, and even watches the baby once Jack goes back to work (i imagine he'd take the first two weeks off; he probably worked a second job up until she was born so he could ensure he had a safety net for those few weeks when he wouldn't be working).

speaking of work, idk if i've mentioned it but like. even with everything going on, jack and davey managed to graduate college! obviously they weren't honors students or anything, but they graduated. jack has a degree in graphic design and is hired on as an in-house designer for an up-and-coming business near his apartment building, but eventually he switches over and starts working at a design agency (he prefers being able to work with a bunch of brands at once, instead of being stuck producing content for a singular brand. this man does Not like doing the same thing every day, let me tell ya)

he also does commissions on the side, both digital and traditional paintings, but that's aside the point

ANYWAY yeah he works as hard as he can to provide for himself and his daughter, and thankfully he does well for himself; they still struggle a bit, and money is tight more often than not, but they have necessities and jack knows how to navigate low funds.

as his daughter gets older, though, finances get better, and jack is able to move into a better apartment closer to work and he's able to pay for daycare instead of relying on Medda (which he felt extremely guilty about; he never wanted to be a burden to her).

but yeah !! it's just him and his little girl against the world

also, some little details that aren't really important:

he teaches her spanish alongside english bc that is one of my FAVORITE things

this was a throwaway thought that kinda took a turn but: his daughter is mixed- mexican on his side, black on her mother's side- and i'm just imagining Jack, Medda, and his three year old, all gathered in Medda's kitchen while she teaches him how to style her hair

"can't i just put her hair in a ponytail" "jack francisco kelly-larkin, sit down and watch me braid her hair"

just. jack being clueless on how to raise a kid is one of my fave things

oh my GOD okay so. all of jack's friends spoil she shit out of her. she has so many toys and really cute clothes and pretty much all of them come from jack's friends (her 'aunts' and 'uncles', as he calls them)

when christmas comes around, everyone goes WILD bc they have an excuse to get her a bunch of stuff

she's very much universally loved by basically everyone in jack's life

(especially davey, once they reunite and davey gets used to the idea of jack Having A Whole Entire Real Kid)

overall, raising her isn't easy, and jack still has days where he struggles even getting out of bed, but his little girl makes things easier. even when his mental health takes a nosedive, she helps him get back on track by just Being There, and his friends and family are all there to help with whatever he needs when things get bad again, bc they don't want to lose him again <3

[spockandawe]

I’m at loose ends for like twenty minutes until my meeting starts, so allow me to noodle!

I’m still not very deep into Word Of Honor (about six episodes), but I am done with Faraway Wanders (very, very good) and I do not want to spoil them for anyone else, but did moderately spoil myself on the places Word Of Honor is going to go, and the places it differs from the book, and those differences are a lot more structurally significant than I expected (it’s kind of like the untamed if the yin iron thing only became more and more significant with time), but I’m also not surprised, and not unhappy, because.... let’s see if I can talk about this without spoiling the book or the show.

Okay, the plot for Faraway Wanderers eventually becomes deeply dependent on two character from another novel by the same author, Lord Seventh. I’m still not very deep into that because I’m buried in Peerless, but that novel is set around the time where Zhou Zishu’s old boss (emperor in the book, still competing for the throne in the show) was a child. something something, the titular lord seventh was supposed to be his soulmate, things went wonky, he got a different, better boyfriend. So he knows Zhou Zishu, because they ran in the same circles, and he comes waltzing back into the picture halfway through the book, and gets involved in trying to help with the seven nail thing.

And I’m reading this like oh lord, how on EARTH are they going to account for this in the show. 

They don’t! I thought at first that they cut the character out completely, but I’ve seen at least one gifset with the beiyuan dude hanging around, which makes sense, he doesn’t necessarily have to do anything structural to still be Zhou Zishu’s old friend. But........ the novel isn’t that large to begin with, and they snipped out a troublesome-but-significant piece of story, what now?

I don’t actually know linear details myself, but a lot of the shippy gifsets I see floating around, I don’t feel bad about sending them to my friends who still haven’t finished the book, because yeah, don’t worry, this has nothing to do with the book plot at all XD 

And here’s where I run into weird internal conflict. Because the show, I think, has a better-structured plot than the book. But I like the premise of the book plot more. Like, the one thing where I did a hum’rous double take watching the first few episodes was where Wen Kexing was drugged and called ‘Zhou Zishu’ and disguise mode Zhou Zishu was like ????, just like me. Yeah, the one baby spoiler I have is that in the book, these two don’t share any connection at all until they meet in that early scene, and I honestly just...... like that better. I don’t think it’s a preference of mine for storytelling in general, but for these particular characters, I like a LOT that they grew up completely separately, becoming very powerful and accumulating damage in similar but distinct ways, and as older, damaged adults, they found each other and uncovered something beautiful together. Considering the nature of who they both are, I find that more powerful than them knowing each other as children, then being separated and doing all this stuff, then being suddenly reunited. I don’t dislike either version, but I do distinctly prefer the book version

(of course, the book falls into some pits of telling-vs-showing, and because it doesn’t have to deal with the same degree of censorship, wen kexing is much more direct in the book, while the show utilizes the actor to BEAUTIFUL effect, and the show also had space to add even MORE shippy scenes--)

(but the fact that they never had a connection in the book makes it that much more moving when they each open enough to share pieces of themselves with each other. when we finally found out what the deal is with wen kexing and butterfly bones, it hit me SO hard)

And, my final thing is that.... the endings are very similar, but I very much prefer the book. There’s a note of melancholy for me in the show that.... It upsets me for petty reasons, but character-driven petty reasons. I’m not going to post about details without warning tags and cuts, and they’re both excellent endings, but I am really, really glad I read the book ending first, and that’s my formative conclusion for the characters.

[nellie-elizabeth]

okay, bear with me because this is kind of an unhinged ramble, but one of the things that’s sort of been driving me bonkers in the back of my head is that the finale was terrible... but that I honestly think it would have been quite easy to change just a few little things to make it... well, maybe not good, but certainly less rage-inducing. I don’t think any version of the story as presented to us would have left me thrilled by this ending, but I can actually think of a few very easy changes that would have had me walking away maybe a little irked, certainly disappointed in what we didn’t get to see, but ultimately more at peace.

Let’s pretend this is a world in which they couldn’t/didn’t want to have Misha in the finale, couldn’t get a big ol’ group of returning stars... and we basically had to work with a bare-bones structure like what we saw in the finale. So this isn’t pie-in-the-sky, what I would do if I could have what I wanted... This is down to earth, pragmatic, simple things they could have done to make it better, if we’re constrained to the basic shell we were provided.

Ready?

1) This is the big one: flip around the "Sam’s domestic life with his son” montage so that it starts BEFORE the vampire case and Dean’s death.

So basically, the montage at the beginning, we see the boys living normally in the bunker. We get the pie scene (which I’ll touch on in a second). But then, instead of segueing straight into the hunt where Dean dies, we see a flash of the next 5 to 10 years of their lives. We see them living in the bunker, but it gets slowly more homey, more lived-in. Vitally, for Dean’s character specifically, we see hints of him picking up new hobbies, maybe he’s playing the guitar, we see him in the kitchen, maybe he’s playing D&D, I don’t know. Something to show that Dean is living life and enjoying it, getting to find out who he is without the weight of the world on his shoulders. He’s not totally settled, you get the sense that the lingering sadness of his losses, the trauma of his life, is always going to weigh on him... but he’s doing what he can to enjoy the little things, and he’s taking pride in his continued work as a hunter.

Eileen moves in, and if we can’t see the actress, fine, we can have Sam saying “Eileen called, she’s getting home late, we should start dinner” or whatever. It’s implied that the three of them are living there together. We see that Sam has a son, we see that Dean is an active part of the kid’s life, a great uncle, totally spoiling his nephew. Maybe we see shots of Sam and Dean on other hunts, we have phone calls, mentions like “hey, Jody has a lead” or “Charlie called, she wants us to back her up on xyz.” Basically, through a montage or through a short sequence of scenes, we see that Sam and Dean have continued on, life as usual... but there’s a peace to it now without big cosmic forces standing in their way. Maybe Sam and Eileen semi-retire and move out into the suburbs, and we get shots of Dean-as-the-new-Bobby, a role I always imagined for Sam, but it works for Dean, too.... the bunker is central station, he’s coordinating things, he’s finding new skills within the life of hunting, he’s mentoring people and still getting to save people and hunt things.

And then, Sam and Dean, who don’t always hunt together anymore as Dean often goes off with other hunters, and Sam and Eileen are less active in the field now that they have a kid, decide to take a case together, just a routine hunt. Cue Dean getting impaled on a nail (or maybe he dies in a less awkward way so he doesn’t have to lean against a wall and make his big death scene looking completely unhurt? Which I thought was really strange).

But basically, we could have a version of the death scene as stands. I do not hate the idea of Dean dying in a relatively “mundane” way... literally just the idea that he lived for a handful of years after defeating Chuck makes the idea of his death SO much less empty and devastating for me, because this time Dean didn’t get cut down before he got to enjoy his life at all. It’s still sad that he’s dying younger than he should have, but he died doing a thing that he loved, he found love in the hunting lifestyle without the pressure of other’s expectations, and we got to SEE that, we got to see him making it his own, and making it just one important slice in a more robust and happy life.

Vitally, instead of saying “it’s always been you and me” during the goodbye speech, and making it all about how Sam is the center of Dean’s world, it would be framed more like “I’ll be okay, Sammy, and so will you... go home to your family, to our family, tell the kid to be good, but not too good, okay? And I’ll go be with our family that’s already passed on... we’ll see each other again. We’ve got Jack looking after us.” When Sam says “I can’t do this alone,” Dean doesn’t answer “yes you can...” Instead he says “you’re not alone, Sam.” Because he’s not. He has a family already at this point, and Dean is his family, but he’s not the only person left in Sam’s world that he loves. Dean can still say he was scared to get Sam at Stanford, that he didn’t know what he’d have done without Sam... but he’s so glad they got to be family, got to share so many amazing years, got to be best friends and be there for each other through so much craziness. This time, Sam’s “don’t leave me” isn’t quite as soul-renderingly tragic, because Sam has a wife and a kid already. The death scene would emphasize the tragedy of this separation, but acknowledges that they’ve grown to have more to live for outside of each other.

Then, we see more of Sam growing old, but he seems less utterly miserable, had more years with his brother before the end, knows that Dean got to be a part of his kid’s life, and feels confident that Dean is at peace and that he’ll see him eventually.

2) The second change is even more simple, it’s literally just adding in a couple extra lines of dialogue to... fix the Castiel situation a bit. So. Ahem. Again, this is imagining a world where Misha can’t be in the episode, where we’re keeping the basic structure. There are just two small changes that fix this, for me.

One, before the montage and Sam having a kid and all that, at the pie festival scene at the beginning... when Sam says “I miss Cas and Jack,” we get a slightly more robust response from Dean. He talks about how they fought so hard to break free of their unhealthy cycles, to escape the influence of fate, and that as much as he wants Cas back, he can’t risk making things worse again and betraying Cas’ sacrifice... but THEN, IMPORTANTLY, he says “Jack’s gonna be hand’s-off, but we know he’ll look after Cas no matter what.” This could be just a faith thing, or if we’re allowed to stretch back into 15x19 and fix that too, Jack could even say that as part of his goodbye, like, “I’ll make sure Cas is at peace.” So now, even though it’s annoying that Dean isn’t rushing to rescue Cas from the Empty, it could be more akin to the later decision when Dean tells Sam not to try and bring him back. Sam knows Dean is going to a peaceful afterlife when he dies, and Dean and Sam let Cas go because they know he’s safe with Jack and also given his rest/peace. (Instead of what we got, which was just... they knew Cas was in the Empty and didn’t even bother checking if Jack would like... handle that?)

Second, when Dean goes to Heaven, at least having lived a decade or so of the life that Cas sacrificed himself to provide for him, he sees Bobby, Bobby gives him the spiel, says that Jack and Cas helped make Heaven better (in this version, Dean would be less surprised by this; he would have known even as he was dying that Jack was going to look out for him and all of the other deceased souls). And then Bobby says, “what do you want to do?” and Dean says “I want to see my family... gotta get some good quality time in before Sam shows up and hogs all the attention.” So it’s like a balance of the fact that he’s waiting for Sam and can’t wait to see him again, but it’s implied that he goes and hangs out with his mom (and dad, ugh, John is the WORST, but maybe he went through The Good Place afterlife and he’s learned to be a good person lol), with Bobby, with Cas, and even with Jack, maybe, as perhaps the new God doesn’t mind chillin’ with the already-dead humans, or at least the ones who raised him.

It would be dealer’s choice as to how Destiel-ish Dean’s final line here could be... he could say the thing about waiting for Sam but going to reunite with his family, first, and throw in something about “there’s a conversation with someone that I really need to finish.” Something vague enough that the homophobes would let it fucking air on TV, but promising enough to put a smile on at least some people’s faces.

Then, instead of the montage being just Dean driving around, we get something a little different, but still very simple. We see Dean maybe hanging out in a house in Heaven, playing with Miracle the dog, maybe a callback to a hobby we saw him have on Earth, playing music or cooking, implying a full afterlife even if we don’t get to see the other people... he’s setting a table for like a dozen people who are coming over soon for dinner, or he’s shouting out “hurry up, my parents are hosting” to an unseen occupant in another room, we see Cas’ trench coat slung over a chair, general signs of habitation and home.

We’re cutting between this Heaven montage of Dean, with the montage of Sam on Earth, growing older (and in my version, someone who knows what they’re doing makes Jared’s wig and age makeup look less like the stuff of nightmares, oh holy hell....). We see Sam letting go, dying of old age, going to his rest...

And in Heaven, Dean suddenly freezes in the middle of playing fetch with the dog, or frying up some bacon for breakfast. He gets a look on his face... a hopeful smile. He’s just realized that Sam is coming. He can sense it. This is what he’s been waiting for, the last thing he needs to make Heaven truly perfect. He gets in the impala (which isn’t literally the spirit of his car, it’s just that everything he loves from Earth gets to be with him in Heaven), and he drives off to the bridge while “Carry On Wayward Son” kicks onto the radio. He gets out of the car, reunites with Sam, says “hey, Sammy. Everyone’s going to be so excited to see you.” They hug, they look out over the bridge... The End.

SO. Just to reiterate, this is NOT my version of what the “perfect” finale would have been. This is more just a way for me to process my feelings about the fact that the episode was pretty much entirely awful in my opinion, and it would have been relatively easy to fix it so that it was only... medium awful. Like, with basically no huge changes, just letting Dean be a part of his nephew’s life, getting to be a part of Sam’s life as Sam started a family, and then still having the poignancy of him dying before his time, but also as a hero, as the best version of the thing he always thought he needed to be but now has chosen to be, has taken ownership and pride in. And then by just buffing up some dialogue in a couple of spots, we could have had an episode that still centered primarily on Sam and Dean, still ended on just the two of them (which, frankly, I’m not mad about, it’s their show, and it has been from day one...), but still honored the message of “family don’t end in blood.” Still honored the idea of found family and community and belonging and living for more than just each other.

And if that’s what I had walked away with... well, I would have had some complaints. But I think the whole thing would have felt a lot less... empty to me. And it would have been doable, within the constraints of COVID, and limited actor availability, etc.

There have been some finales that I’ve hated so truly and thoroughly that there was simply no way to engage with them without it tainting the whole show for me. This finale was so weird, because I feel like just a few band-aids, some punch-ups to the script, would have made me feel SO much better about what we got. They didn’t need to reinvent the wheel with this one. Even given the constraints, they could have been a little more creative, a little more thoughtful, and pissed people off a lot less.

[infcstissumam]

So, as some of you may know, I’ve recently gotten back onto discord with a ghost group, and, well, I’ve been dumping headcanons on there left and right. So, for posperity, I feel this calls for a Discord headcanon dump:

CHARACTER HEADCANONS

To sum up, the difference between Papa II and Papa I in one sentence. Papa I is sour, while Papa II is bitter. 

To elaborate a bit on this, Papa I is sour, not by nature, but because of the role he was given. Ever since he filled the role as Papa and undid a lot of changes, Nihil had done under his reign - he was branded as a monster, an asshole, the works. For a time, he tried to fight this, but eventually, he became what they described him as. Nowadays, he's a reclusive man, withdrawn and cold, with acidic wit and a sharper tongue. 

Meanwhile, Papa II is, well, I don't know how to describe him briefly. He's hurt, really hurt, he was robbed of a lot of what he was supposed to have, a childhood, adolescence, a loving family, etc. and he's become embittered because of it. Furthermore, he doesn't really let go of his pain, he holds on to it and his grudges... He's just a hot mess is what I'm saying.

A lot of Papa II's ridiculous and 'embarrassing' behaviour during infesstissumam was being driven by spite - I mean, the Ghost project was Nihil's - what greater revenge would it be to make it a complete joke, especially when you consider the Clergy gave him the shortest period possible as an 'opening act' for III.

This backfired, of course, and it helped the Ghost project immensely, casting a shadow III would never be able to overcome regardless of his efforts.

Papa I struggles a lot with his identity because of the labels thrust upon him and his sense of duty to his family and the Church

Papa I is the one who takes himself way too seriously, and this is canon. He's also super competitive.

Papa, I is one of those people that relate heavily to birds, and it's valid! He has a little, not perfect, pop-up aviary on the balcony of his papal apartment where he takes the time to rehabilitate abandoned or mistreated birds, before letting them be adopted out again.

I don't think Papa I had any kids, why? Because having a bloodline of his own would be considered a 'threat' against (Nihil) his brother's own. So, he was never allowed to. He does resent this quite a bit; not that he ever really wanted a family; it's just that he never had a choice either way.

In general, Papa I grinned and bared a lot of unfair treatment for the sake of keeping the peace between him and Nihil.

I agree that Papa II was bitter and envious over the treatment III was given (III was a spoiled, golden child, he had a loving mom, was a favourite in the Church, even as a child, etc.). Still, I don't think it's over money and fame, or so to say, that stuff is inconsequential to him. On a fundamental level, II's secret resentment of III all comes down to being treated as lesser when compared to him. Secondo would never show this to his face, however, because he loves his brother, but that bitter envy is there and always will be.

Papa II is the type to write his s/o love letters but not the kind to send them. He keeps them in a box in his office,

Ghoul's can't be killed on the mortal plane, not really. Yes, their vessels (or bodies) may be destroyed, but the Ghoul or demon itself is stored in the mask. So long as the mask is intact, that Ghoul is alive and ready to be bound to another host vessel. When a ghoul is 'killed', they are either banished back into the mask or into hell, based on where the specific damage occured. (vessel vs. mask)

There are two ways of summoning a ghoul: the first is by summoning them in spirit and binding them to their respective mask, which is then bound via a death ritual to a vessel. The other is by summoning and manifesting the Ghoul in body and spirit via a series of tedious and taxing rituals.

CHURCH HEADCANONS

The Church practises Flanderization when it comes to their ghouls. You see, there are many classifications of ghouls with differing temperaments, appearances, etc. Such as Magma, Ash and Spark. However, for the sake of convenience- or perhaps further dehumanization - the ghouls are grouped and given broad labels like Fire, Earth, Water, Air and Aether.

There's a bunch of geese and other waterfowl that make their home in a decorative pond in the Church's unholy-see. Everyone jokes that they're the real evil in the Church. --The geese cause troubles on purpose. They will chase siblings down the walkways and stand at the door, waiting for their next victim to exit. Unless you're Papa I, in which case they become full babies, much to everyone's horror and reverence 

The unholy-see has one central basilica, with adjoining monasteries segregated based on gender and species (the ghouls have their own pad for safety concerns) and other facilities related to being independent of the outside world, like farming and husbandry. Recreation and tourism (they thrive on folks wanting to come to see the quirky satan Vatican) 

The monasteries are named after the three Prime-mover's who birthed the Emeritus, Infinitus and Ambrosios line of cambions, although, in the present day, only the Emeritus and Ambrosios have living members. (the Infinitus line were wiped out in the Catholicism-based attacks that drove them from Italy to Sweden in the first place)

While the main basilica bears the name of the archdemon father who sired them.

All buildings present in the unholy-see, from monastary to the farm land and the like, are all connected by the mass of labyrinthian catacombs which hold all of the Church's dead.

the public or first level of the catacombs are internationally recognized because of how well the bodies are preserved, and many see it as a macabre must-have for their bucket list

I think Sister's and sibling's, in general, have the opportunity to rename themselves after they take their vows Some make titles out of it and some choose names from the doctrine or church history, for instance, Meridiana (my oc) chose her name as a tongue in cheek reference to her job.

The thing with the church catacombs is that they're dry and cold, leading to sort of mummies being formed of the corpses interred there, but well-preserved mummies given much of the ancient church architecture is untouched and old traditions for burial are continued!

For instance, the Church doesn't do coffins, when a body is put into their catacombs, it is given it's cubby, or so to speak and is wrapped with several layers of textiles and plant-based fabric, such as cotton.

There numerous notable individuals in the catacombs. Such as the last members of the Infinitus line, the mother's and non-papal serving family of the Papa's and descendants of the demon lines. As well as entirely unrelated celebrity and royal individuals who were followers of the Church and wanted their remains interred in the unholy-see's catacombs

An iconic corpse from the catacombs is: 

- Adalgisa Emeritus, Nihil's grand aunt who died as a young girl (~8) from complications related to an infection from a broken bone. Who, despite being laid to rest over 450 years ago, maintains many of her features from life. Including her nose, which has shrivelled up but is still there, her eyelids + lashes, brows and her hair. And provided an excellent window to understand how the deaths of papal-family members were treated at the time. 

Although the treatment of her corpse and funerary items has led to much debate in the Church, given she was displayed not as a result of her immediate family's wishes, but from Nihil and One's, who believed her remarkable condition and life should be showcased to those who wanted to learn about the papal family history.

Adalgisa was a catalyst for significant changes in the way the catacombs and dead were laid to rest in the Church.

You see, previously, they were organized by status and ranking with the Church. With the demonic families having their own lavish wing, as did upper Clergy, etc. however, after her death, her father, Cernunnos IV, couldn't palette the idea of his daughter being put away in an empty wing, waiting for her family. He couldn't stand it, and so committed to having a children's wing created so his daughter and other children wouldn't be abandoned in the cold dank waiting for the families they were stolen from, and so they could reunite in the depths, play and be merry. Just like in life

It's actually said in church texts that the Fourth was haunted by nightmares of his daughter's cries echoing in the hallowed walls. But this is 'hear-say' according to the Fourth's second prime-mover.

[ramblingguy54]

Amphibia’s Season 1 Finale: An Emotionally Charged Climax Of Brilliance

For those who haven’t watched Amphibia yet, or are only halfway through the series, I’d highly recommend not reading this post on the events of Season 1′s finale. This is an episode that should be experienced blind, rather than having it spoiled for yourself, unless you really don’t mind at all whatsoever.

No matter how many times I’ve re-watched Amphibia Season 1 on Disney+, I gotta say its finale was easily up on my list of top moments from animation back in the 2010′s. Amphibia starts off with some pretty simple straightforward slice of life stuff throwing in a nice mix of drama and comedy. Although, as the series has progressed, Amphibia’s storytelling makes it clear we’re in for a bigger shift with dramatic writing once Season 2 rolls around in the future. This last episode of Season 1, Reunion, gives me the impression it could very likely be transitioning into heavier stuff, like Gravity Falls did, when it’s second outing steps up to the plate eventually. Season 1′s finale has seriously impressed me with what it managed to accomplish in its themes that were set up as early as its first episode. We finally get more insight into what Anne’s daily routine with Sasha must’ve been like before she was suddenly dropped into this crazy lovable world of anthropomorphic frogs. What I really appreciate about this backstory is it reels us in just enough with seeing Anne and Sasha’s chemistry. It doesn’t do a big exposition dump about what good friends they are, rather Amphibia just simply shows us first hand. From the get go it’s made crystal clear that Anne and Sasha are very close, seeing how Sasha stands up for Anne when someone tries to steal her food on a special day no less.

Or else you can forget about coming to my awesome house party next week.

Happy Birthday, girl!

Like, extremely close given how happy these two are to see each other. Anne & Sasha’s interaction here is safe to say they go way back before their current school year. Almost as if, they’ve known each other since they were younger.

“Sasha’s been my friend since Kindergarten. If she says it’s fine. It’s fine.”

Anne’s piece of dialogue here makes it evident how much she cares/trusts about Sasha as an individual. Even enough to allow her in doing morally questionable stuff highlighted with this brief montage spotlighting Anne’s passive behavior towards Sasha’s dangerously impulsive attitude. Time and time again Anne willingly goes along with Sasha’s mentality of, “Do whatever we want.”,  because in her eyes that’s what being best friends is all about. Giving the other what they want regardless of the moral implications around whatever their actions are. Not to mention, when you take that into account that Anne has been around Sasha since preschool, it’s equivalent to putting your foot down on a family member. Anne doesn’t want to hurt Sasha, considering she’s like the sister Anne never had, being an only child and all. That further establishes emotional weight for something Anne fears to lose out on, which Sasha takes advantage of greatly.

Anne, this isn’t cute anymore. We’re meeting up with Marcy right now! End of discussion...

“Heh! She’s persuasive, right?”

Look, if a friend likes a pencil case, you get it for them. If your friend likes your new shoes, you give them to her. And if her friend wants you to steal a crazy music box from a thrift store, even if you really don’t want to, you do it okay? Because if you don’t, they might not want to be your friend anymore...

Sasha’s serious verbal abuse has made Anne completely twist around the very concept of what a healthy friendship basically is, overall. For whatever the reason at some point, be it the very school environment they both grew up in or personal family issues, Sasha has become an extremely toxic influence on Anne’s important decision making and it painfully shows here in her self-esteem. This kid has made it second nature for herself to never be honest when a friend is doing something that she internally deems highly questionable in moral terms, since she’s so afraid of permanently losing those who claim to care about her own well being. Anne believes it to be a “golden rule” that if you’re openly honest with your close friends, it will only lead to failure in a nutshell. This is honestly one of the strongest elements of Amphibia’s storytelling on how it explores the human condition of real friendship. It’s not sunshine and rainbows, but an honest reflection of who you are as a person. Those you choose to let into your life for better influencing yourself, also reveal your true nature as an individual. These particular lines from the episode, Flood, Sweat, and Tears, sets the mood into motion that vital theme its story centers itself around.

Sharing a room doesn’t make you best friends. Being honest with each other does! 

In fact, if you ask me, you’re better friends now than you were before.

Seeing how greatly Amphibia explored this statement means a lot to me, since I myself have struggled with passive aggressive behavior plenty with my own friends. There were social experiences I went through in my childhood that made me bottle up how I genuinely feel a lot, so being honest with my own circle of close friends was a serious challenge for me. While I have come a long way in the improvements of being more honest with my pals whenever something is bothering me, it’s still a never ending struggle I deal with on a daily basis, considering it’s much like second nature to me. This significant moment hit all the right chords for me in showing that beauty of human connections, by taking the good and bad people can experience in dealing with their own differences.  Anne’s journey to better understand what real friends are and stand up for herself is a very empowering one to see occur, as she continues to come out of her shell, while putting her foot down when more immoral shit starts to hit the fan. Another giant step forward for her own independence comes to light in the tenth episode, Toad Tax, when Anne wanted nothing more than to be respected by the towns folk, instead of being openly called a monster and getting severely alienated for it, too. Which, again, it really shows just how much Sasha’s manipulation has had a grip on Anne, given she first thought that by joining the Toad force that she’d garner their respect. However, that idea was nothing more than a deeply shallow belief, which would’ve made the town more afraid of her rather than love and accept her. 

All I wanted was this town’s respect, but just because these people treated me crumby, doesn’t mean I’m gonna do the same to them. I’m done with this. I don’t care if they’ve broken the law, you can’t treat people like this!

In a very jarring contrast to Anne, Sasha is a more two faced individual with her own motive for getting herself, Anne, and Marcy back home by any means necessary. To put it bluntly and harshly, Sasha is a real bitch hilariously to the point where she is the sole reason why Grimes minions become more competent, due to throwing out fake compliments to help their lack of motivation, since his intensity as their ruthless leader was backfiring greatly. It’s priceless to see a villain’s cold blooded behavior ironically be a big detriment to their rule of power, as other works of fiction have shown it to a “positive” influence on their minions, where a teenage cheerleader blonde archetype has to patch things up.

You lot are without a doubt the most useless group of toads I have ever seen!

Just try saying nice things for a change. Get them to love you and they’ll do anything for you.

That actually works?

Ooooh, it works alright. Trust me.

Sasha’s already cold and calculating manipulation is influenced in return by Grimes heartless nature. Sasha & Grimes combined make for a deadly combination for one Hell of antagonistic duo, but that’s not to say this series doesn’t add layers to this complicated girl. While she is a very toxic verbally abusive person, Sasha isn’t without her own humanity either. Besides lying about being the only human in the world of Amphibia, Sasha genuinely is concerned about reuniting with each of her friends and not just for keeping them underneath her thumb in a controlling fashion. The voice acting here from Sasha’s VA really helps elevate that idea there’s more to her than how she acts.

Hold on for a little longer girls. I’m coming for you and when I find you we’re gonna get home, but first I think we’re gonna have some fun with this place.

By the time Anne and Sasha reunite by the finale, both have changed. Anne for the better and Sasha for much worse. Anne has become more selfless and free to make her own choices that she feels morally comfortable with doing, while Sasha is out to kill Hop Pop, due to his vital actions in earlier episodes, for encouraging more Frogs to rebel against the Toad’s rule of power through fear and violence. Sasha doesn’t view Hop Pop as as an equal living thing, but another obstacle that’s keeping herself, Anne, and Marcy from their one way ticket home. She strongly believes that killing Hop Pop, to keep the other Frogs back in line from having a voice of their own, will allow them a better chance to get back home with help from Grimes. Sasha knows to an extent the terrible thing she’s trying to help Grimes commit, however she still only views Hop Pop as not an equivalent human being, but an already figurative dead frog for them to dissect in their biology class. 

So you’ve probably already noticed the Toads in this valley have one job. To rule over the Frogs. And lately those Frogs have been stepping out of line.

Sasha is a serious fucking jerk, but a well intent extremist on wanting to get everyone back home, who doesn’t fully grasp the full context of what horrible atrocities she’s helping Grimes commit through doing this attempted murder.

Anne, what are you doing? Are you really gonna risk your life for these...talking frogs? We don’t even belong here. Don’t you wanna get back home? See your family?

Yeah, but...

Then put your sword down, now!

END OF DISCUSSION...

There we go, that’s my girl.

There that wasn’t so hard was i-

WHAT THE HECK!?

For someone who’s Anne’s best friend, you sure don’t know her very well! She brave, she’s smart, and most of all she’s not gonna be pushed around by a bully like you!

I think I’ve had enough of you, squeaky toy.

Anne, what are you doing!?

Something I should’ve done a long time ago. Standing up to you!

Thanks for believing in me, Sprig.

Can I just say that I love how they don’t try to pin blame on Anne for being consistently manipulated by Sasha? While Anne most certainly needs to stand up and not allow Sasha to abuse her like this anymore, Sasha is the sole person responsible for making Anne feel so insecure, who needed to be put in her place. It was very important for them to make that clear who is at fault here in this situation more than anyone and Sprig was perfect for telling off Anne’s abusive friend. Can’t begin to describe how cathartic it was for seeing that bitch get hit in the face for trying to once again pull on Anne’s emotional baggage. That highly noteworthy moment aside, there is a really interesting exchange between Sasha and Grimes showing how warped Sasha’s definition of friendship has become over the years she’s grown up with Anne in school.

You’ve given me plenty of advice, now let me give you some. Stamp this out. Make her yield. Fail and nothing will ever be the same.

Not gonna happen...

So, taking into account everything that I’ve covered at this point, this makes for a wonderful climatic finale to a slow burn where previous episodes have emotionally prepared Anne for facing down the very person who’s been hurting her most of all. One of her closest friends, who’s been like a symbolic sister in the past to Anne, but has turned into this very hurtful person with a seriously warped idea of an “affectionate” friendship based on similar ideas of control as seen with Grimes. While Amphibia has plenty of comedic shenanigans in its storytelling, there’s always been this dramatic undertone centered around Anne and Sasha’s views of what relationships are all about for what each one has based their ideals on. This Disney series is centered around gaining new bonds, while looking at old ones in a much different perspective, as seen with Anne and Sasha’s falling out.

Anne, you don’t have to do this.

Yes I do...

Anne vs Sasha is an important key moment that the finale nails on every possible level, given each side here has something lose, if the other one wins this duel. These are old friends, or rather family in a sense, standing up for what they think is the right moral thing to do and you can feel this high stakes tension every second as its building up to their swords finally clashing again against one another. Reminds me a lot of the Star Wars battles where it’s not necessarily remembered so much for the fights themselves, but the emotional weight that is carried in every moment which is happening between its characters and I applaud Amphibia for taking inspiration in utilizing that trope of writing.

Much like how DuckTales (2017) handled its amazing Season 1 finale, Amphibia’s writers know the most crucial element to focus more than anything are the characters themselves and what they’re feeling, rather than making it a big flashy battle of epic proportions. Granted, that’s a nice icing on the cake and all, but the real meat should always be in how you’re executing the important themes you’ve introduced from the start. In Amphibia’s case, it’s the tragedy of friendship turning into something nasty with Sasha treating Anne poorly and breaking apart their once stable lives, due to that very nature which dropped them into this world where they have to now fend for themselves.

There’s so much powerful heartbreak emitting from this one pic here and hoo boi we haven’t even gotten to best part, yet. It’s delightfully angsty and shocked the Hell outta me when first watching this episode. Fuck, it still does quite frankly knowing the people behind this show had the guts to go that far dramatically.

They’re just slimy little frogs, Anne.

They don’t matter!

They’re not just Frogs. They’re my friends!

After Anne finally beats Sasha the entire castle starts exploding, due to Wally misinterpreting her on not blowing up Grimes base. Here’s where the most heart wrenching scene comes in as the cherry on top of this intense finale to Amphibia’s first season. As the castle is falling to pieces, Sasha almost falls to her death but Anne catches her in time, despite just fighting her tooth and nail seconds ago to save the family she was trying to kill for her selfish reasons. There’s a crap ton of symbolism here in this poignant moment of characterization for Anne & Sasha’s current state of friendship now. All of this is topped off by the music piece, Lean On Me, being poetically woven into it.

The Plantar family is doing everything in their power to hold Anne up equivalent to how they’ve made her into a better individual than she ever was around Sasha. While Sasha is putting all of them in danger as a figurative ball and chain that, besides holding them back from staying alive, is also keeping Anne from becoming the best version of herself she can be. In these last moments, I’d like to believe Sasha finally put it together in her mind just how much she’s royally screwed everything up. Not just what she attempted to do with Hop Pop and most likely the rest of his family, but how seriously disrespectful she was to Anne for who knows how many years of their friendship when Sasha started abusing her. Sasha was most likely feeling a ton of self-loathing and terrible guilt before making this shocking pivotal decision next in saving Anne and the Plantars’.

Hey Anne...

Maybe you’re better off without me...

Like, on one hand it can be simply viewed as Sasha simply saving these people from dying, too. However, I’d prefer to make it darker for the sake of heavy angst and say she was committing suicide, as well. Sasha realized in these last moments, before thinking that she was going to die a painful death, how shitty she was to Anne. Sasha’s abusive behavior is what started this whole story in the first place. If it wasn’t for Sasha, none of them would of ended up in the world Amphibia to begin with, but it needed to happen for Anne to become better about who her real friends are and maybe this rough experience would even help Sasha, too. We’ll just have to see what awaits for Sasha’s character arc in Season 2′s future. As it stands now, Anne may have a lost a dear friend, who was basically like a sister to her years back, but gained something even better.

A family and terrific friends who care deeply for her.

Hop Pop, you three are my family. I’d never let anyone hurt you.

Thanks for taking the time read this very lengthy post of me gushing about this powerfully bittersweet finale. Can’t wait for Season 2!

[lady-divine-writes]

Kurtbastian one-shot - Don't Break the Ice (Rated PG)

Summary: After the fight with their father that leads to Sebastian and Richard kicking him out of the house and taking away his claim to the Smythe family fortune, the next step is visiting their mother in her new home. But while talking to a doctor about her care, Sebastian is distracted by a loud tapping noise that no one else seems to hear. (2206 words)

Notes: So these are the series of one-shots I wrote back in 2015 (I think) that make up the sequel 'Special Delivery'. I held on to them because they were going to be incorporated into the chapters of the sequel. That sequel is taking forever to finish, unfortunately. It will get done, I just can't say when. So I'm posting these so that anyone who is curious or needs closure will know where the story goes and how it ends.

Read on AO3.

“As you can see, we’ve outlined an extensive plan for your mother’s care,” Dr. Harold said, handing Richard and Sebastian folders thick with paperwork. “If you take a look at page one, you’ll see …”

Sebastian opened the folder in his lap and flipped through the pages, jumping ahead of the doctor’s commentary.

Thirteen pages in, he was sorry he did.

He became overwhelmed by the amount of information he saw: dietary recommendations, meal plans, exercise schedules, medications …

… palliative care.

Sebastian read those words and gulped hard.

This folder he held, from the first page to the last, covered the entirety of what was left of his mother’s life.

And it was relatively light, all things considered.

His hands began to shake. He flipped the folder closed, deciding it would be best for the doctor to tell him himself.

Digest the information slowly.

“We’ve tried to anticipate any and all complications regarding …”

Tap tap tap tap tap …

High-pitched and dull, the sound pinged off the side of Sebastian’s skull. He lifted his head, looked around, waited for it to return. When it didn’t, he mentally shrugged and returned his attention to the lecture.

“Initially, we were concerned that …”

Tap tap tap tap tap …

“What the…?” Sebastian glanced around again. The doctor kept talking, undeterred by the noise. His brother, his sister-in-law, and Kurt seemed unfazed, as if they didn’t hear it. But it seeped into Sebastian’s ears, knocking in his brain, making it impossible for him to focus on anything else for too long.

Tap tap tap tap tap …

“Now, we’ve recommended that she be kept on …”

Sebastian stared at the doctor, continuing on as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on, stunned that he wasn’t the least bit perturbed by the interruption. But since it didn’t actually seem to interrupt him, Sebastian didn’t know if the sound wasn’t just inside his own head. No one else seemed to notice it or be bothered by it.

But for him, it ricocheted behind his eyes and made concentration unbearable.

‘Maybe I’m finally going insane,’ he thought. ‘The stress of the past year, last night, and now this? Maybe I should be checking myself in here with mom. Wouldn’t be fair to saddle Kurt with a disturbed boyfriend after being stalked by a maniac.’

Tap tap tap tap tap …

Sebastian cringed as the tap tap tapping continued, grinding his teeth together to combat the sound. It was a rhythmic sort of hammering, but he didn’t notice any construction going on when they arrived. The longer the tapping continued, the more he began to shrink into his seat, his hands creeping up to his ears to try and block it out. He started to feel like he was making a scene, but the only person who seemed to notice was Kurt.

“Sebastian,” he said, leaning close. “Honey, are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian replied, fidgeting in his seat when the sound erupted again. “I’m okay. I’m just … is it hot in here? It feels hot in here … to me …”

“I … it’s not hot in here,” Kurt said, shivering as conditioned air from a vent above them poured down his neck and into the collar of his shirt. He worried for his boyfriend. He’d never seen Sebastian so agitated before. He was usually so cool under pressure, ready with a snarky remark that was more humorous than sarcastic to alleviate the tension.

But not now.

He seemed on the beveled edge of losing control.

“Oh,” Sebastian replied, doing his best to smile reassuringly when he saw the worry in Kurt’s eyes. “Well, then, it’s probably just me.”

Tap tap tap tap tap … Tap tap tap tap tap … Tap tap tap tap tap …

The sound was getting steadily louder, becoming more relentless, driving Sebastian mad. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that of all the people in this room, he seemed to be the only person affected by it. He tried to relax, tried to focus, tried to shut it out of his brain, but he couldn’t. The tap tap tap burrowed into him. He gripped Kurt’s hand until his poor boyfriend let out a squeak. Sebastian turned and mouthed ‘I’m sorry’, kissing his knuckles gently. Kurt smiled in understanding, taking Sebastian’s hand in his again.

Tap tap tap tap crash!!

Sebastian fought to pay attention, to listen to the doctor talk about his mother’s deteriorating condition, his brother making arrangements for her long-term care. He wanted to be present in this decision, more than just a signature next to an ‘X’.

That irritating repetitive noise wouldn’t let him.

Sebastian looked left and right, his nerves pricked to needle points. Eventually, Sebastian couldn’t handle it anymore. It wasn’t just the tapping noise getting to him. It was everything.

He recalled all the things he had that made life worth living since there were so many times he had considered throwing in the towel. Spoiled and wallowing in self-pity, he knew, but at the time, it felt like the world was coming to an end. No money, no home, no future …

… no family.

But he had Kurt now, he had his family. He’d been reunited with his own (the parts of it that mattered), and with the help of his brother, he had gotten his trust fund back. He could provide Kurt with the security he deserved.

But what he needed to find was peace.

There was no peace.

Tap tap tap tap crash!!

Sebastian stood bolt upright.

All eyes turned to him.

“Um, I’m sorry,” he stuttered awkwardly, moving through the chairs. “I … I just need some air …”

“Oh,” Tabitha said.

“All right,” his brother added.

“If that’s what you need,” Kurt said.

“Yes,” Sebastian lied, because what he really needed was to find the source of that tapping noise and wring its neck!

He stormed into the waiting room and looked frantically around. The large, open area was fairly vacant. Gravitating near the corners were individual groups, one or two visiting relatives clustered around a resident in a wheelchair, sometimes talking animatedly, but more often than not staring off into space, completely oblivious to the presence of loved ones around them.

That would be his mom, sooner than he had prepared for.

His mom had always been a beacon of energy, so full of life and love and hope. She was his anchor, the rock he tethered himself to whenever the going got tough. There was no age limit to his admiration of his mother; it didn’t wane as years went by. Even as a grown man, he’d find himself coming home to mom, pouring his heart out to her over everything.

And she was always there, ready to listen, present for the important stuff.

The way he should be instead of running away over a little tapping.

The thought of her sitting in a chair, eyes empty, possibly unable to recognize him, to see herself in his face?  

He couldn’t stand it.

Tap tap tap tap crash!!

Sebastian spun in a circle, the sound nearly on top of him out here, and found the source of the noise.

A little girl, around nine or ten, pale complexion, and curly brown hair tied back from her head with a blue ribbon that reminded him so much of Kurt’s eyes.

Kurt.

He should go back to Kurt.

But something about this girl mesmerized him, and like the bystander of a traffic accident, he couldn’t look away.

She knelt on the floor, deep in concentration as she knocked on white blocks with a small, plastic hammer, tapping them meticulously until they fell with the loud crash that had been haunting him for the last ten minutes.

His first instinct was to tear the hammer from the girl’s hand and throw it across the room, but then he noticed she sat out here all by herself, and a strange, protective urge came over him.

“Hey,” he said, smiling brightly, sitting on a chair close enough to converse with her but not close enough to be seen as creepy or threatening.

“Hello,” the girl replied politely, not taking her eyes off the game.

Tap tap tap tap crash!!

All the blocks fell. She looked neither pleased nor put off as she put the hammer down and started picking the blocks up, putting them back into the blue plastic frame of the game.

“What is that you’re playing?” Sebastian asked as he watched her set everything back in place.

“Don’t Break the Ice”.

“Can I ask why you’re playing that … extremely loud game … out here all by yourself?”

The girl sighed significantly but didn’t stop re-setting her game to look at him.

“My parents sent me out here because they’re having tall talk with the doctor.”

Sebastian smirked. “Really? Me as well.”

The girl’s head snapped up, revealing the most startling pair of green eyes he had ever seen … almost like his own, but more like his mother’s. It took him back a bit though he tried not to show it.

The girl smiled with an odd amount of sympathy for a child.

“No,” she said, returning to her game. “You’re out here because things got too serious.”

Sebastian’s smile fell from his face. He knew children could be perceptive, but her matter-of-fact wisdom for her age unnerved him. “How … how do you know?”

“Because that happens to my mom sometimes.”

Sebastian nodded.

“You came out here to find some peace,” she continued. “That’s why I’m here.” The girl clamped her tongue between her teeth as she tried to force the last of the blocks together. “This brings me peace.”

The girl picked up her hammer and started tapping out the blocks again.

Tap tap tap tap tap …

Sebastian watched her go through the whole process again.

“You know, a lot of people might not see this as peaceful.”

The girl shrugged. “My grandpa used to say that not everybody finds peace in the same place.”

“Gotcha. So, who are you here to see?” Sebastian asked.

Tap tap tap tap tap …

“My grandma. She’s going to go see my grandpa soon.”

Tap tap tap tap tap …

Sebastian’s breath caught. He felt his eyes burn with tears but he refused to give in. Not in front of this girl, perceptive or not.

“Can I try that?” he asked. “See if I can find some peace?”

“Sure.” The girl passed the hammer to Sebastian. He knelt on the floor and started tapping the blocks.

Tap tap tap tap tap …

Tapping the blocks felt cathartic, but the noise sounded no better even though he was the one making it this time. Plus, he was starting to get odd looks from other adults. Not that he cared, but he wasn’t eager to attract attention.

There are some things kids can get away with that adults can’t.

Sebastian sighed.

“Nah.” He passed the hammer back. “I don’t think this is where I’ll find my peace.”

The girl looked up at the sound of a door closing, a muffled woman’s crying, and a man clearing his throat. Without a word from anyone, she started picking up the pieces of the game and putting them in the box.

“I’ve gotta go,” she said sadly. “But maybe you should ask that man you’ve been hugging. Maybe he can help you find your peace.”

Very perceptive. Sebastian smiled. It was small, but it was there. “Maybe you’re right.”

She put the last of the blocks into the box when an older man came into view. He looked quizzically down at Sebastian, still kneeling on the floor, then extended a hand to his daughter.

“Come along, Lizzie,” he said. “It’s time to go.”

The girl said nothing. Probably because she knew there was nothing to say. She waved at Sebastian, then took her father’s hand and let herself be led away.

Sebastian didn’t stand up after Lizzie left. He knelt on the knobby carpet, staring in the direction she had gone, a disquieting emptiness inching up his body, turning everything inside him cold.

A warm, comforting hand squeezed his shoulder.

He tilted his head up and saw Kurt looking down at him with concerned eyes. “Oh, sweetheart! What happened?”

Sebastian opened his mouth to speak only to find his voice had stuck, lodged in his throat with those tears he’d been forcing back. Except he hadn’t succeeded. While he watched Lizzie walk away, he’d started crying. Sebastian stood, and Kurt wrapped his arms around him, held him tight.

“I was playing with Lizzie,” Sebastian replied, burying his face in the crook of Kurt’s neck. “I---I was playing with Lizzie and …”

“Shh. It’s all right. I promise. It’s going to be all right,” Kurt repeated, rubbing soothing circles over Sebastian’s spine. Sebastian felt his sorrow melt away as he inhaled deeply that sweet scent of vanilla that was Kurt’s signature scent. It was a smell that reminded Sebastian of love and hope and protection.

It reminded him of home. His new home.

In Kurt’s arms, which felt like home, Sebastian found his peace.

[anjibooks]

The Faithful & The Fallen by John Gwynne (Book Review)

Epic fantasies have always been right down my alleyway, and boy, this series definitely falls into that category. My cousin and I are both fantasy lovers, so we agreed on a book exchange-- buying each other the first book in a series and then promising to read the book that we were given. He bought me Malice, book one in the epic high fantasy series. And I'll be the first to admit that it took me a while to actually get around to reading it. As with many high fantasy series, the first book started out rather slow, in fact from what I recall the whole book was pretty slow. Like any good high fantasy, it really had to establish the world and the characters in the first book so we can really get to the good stuff in later books with a strong grasp on the world and also an attachment to the characters. This is exactly what Malice does. The first few chapters of Malice are very slow. I remember reading those at a very busy time in my life and then putting the book down as it just didn't seem worth using the time to force myself through. Then back around spring break I actually sat down to finish it. Yes, I'll be the first to admit that these books are a hefty commitment, emphasis on hefty because wow those are fat books to be carrying around, but trust me, they're actually really worth what can only be described as an epic length. While the Faithful and the Fallen doesn't fall into an absolute favorites category, I can promise you they are enjoyable reads that will suck you in with an intriguing plotline and fascinating world. Overall I'd give the series 7/10 stars. I did end up binging out on the last three books after finally finishing the first. It's like the first is the giant scale up the mountain, and the rest you're on a sled going down the other side of Everest. Though they are riveting reads, I have to admit there are some very prominent flaws with the stories that really irked me, especially after finishing the series, but more on that later. I would highly recommend this series to anyone who has a love for epic high fantasy stories, the kind with individual storylines that eventually intertwine. There's war, lots and lots of war, high stakes, and some intriguing mythology. Anyway, if you're interested here's a little overview on what this series is about. It's actually pretty hard to explain without giving anything away since the scope really expands more and more after the first book, but I think it's pretty safe saying that the story starts out with four main characters-- or really three main characters and one almost main side character: Corban, Veradis, Nathair and Evnis. Corban is a peasant boy, dreaming of the day he turns fourteen so that he can join the training to become a soldier. (If you're thinking wow that's young, I don't really want to be reading a middle grade novel-- don't worry! Not a middle grade novel, and A LOT of time passes over the course of these books (which makes sense seeing how gargantuan they are). Corban ages quite a lot throughout). Veradis is a skilled soldier, who befriends Nathair-- a prince with big aspirations and plans for the future. And Evnis... well, I'll let you see about Evnis. These are only the MAIN characters of the first book, there are a lot more characters and storylines woven in throughout the next novels. Anyway, that was a sucky synopsis so here's a real one: A black sun is rising … Young Corban watches enviously as boys become warriors under King Brenin’s rule, learning the art of war. He yearns to wield his sword and spear to protect his king’s realm. But that day will come all too soon. Only when he loses those he loves will he learn the true price of courage. The Banished Lands has a violent past where armies of men and giants clashed shields in battle, the earth running dark with their heartsblood. Although the giant-clans were broken in ages past, their ruined fortresses still scar the land. But now giants stir anew, the very stones weep blood and there are sightings of giant wyrms. Those who can still read the signs see a threat far greater than the ancient wars. Sorrow will darken the world, as angels and demons make it their battlefield. Then there will be a war to end all wars. High King Aquilus summons his fellow kings to council, seeking an alliance in this time of need. Some are skeptical, fighting their own border skirmishes against pirates and giants. But prophesy indicates darkness and light will demand two champions, the Black Sun and the Bright Star. They would be wise to seek out both, for if the Black Sun gains ascendancy, mankind’s hopes and dreams will fall to dust. Things I loved about these books: the plot and the character development. These are really plot and character driven books. And trust me when I say they have truly FANTASTIC plots and character development. Seriously if you compare the characters from the first book with the last book you'd think they're completely different people. And you got to travel along on that journey to see them become those different people. That's pretty amazing-- getting to see all the choices and key moments that lead to different things. Like a fearful cowardly boy growing into a courageous leader. With its huge cast of characters, this series really provides great and interesting perspective. And the plot? That's explosively good. Like I love all the planning with that and the intertwining mythology. To go along with the plot, the action is really well written and will keep you on the edge of your seat, really putting you right there on the battlefield with all your favorite (and least favorite) characters. Things I did not like about these books: the relationship development. While the plot and the characters are great, the way the relationships are written and built up to just isn't satisfying. Like, you can see that a lot of time has passed so it makes sense for those connections to have been made-- definitely not an instalove connection, but it almost feel likes instalove because you never get to see the small moments building up to those relationships becoming a relationship. I'm not just talking romantic, I'm also talking just about friendships and connections in general. Basically what you get to see with the relationships is the very beginning of each one, maybe a couple of words hinting at whatever in the middle and then the fully formed relationship at the end. What's really missing is that middle bit, the building part that helps the reader to really grow attached to said relationship. Because of that, there weren't many created relationships that I much cared for throughout the story. The relationship building definitely takes a backseat to the plot, which leaves me feeling a bit empty seeing as a truly satisfying action/fantasy story has a good balance of both. It's been so long since I read the series that I honestly couldn't tell you what my favorite book is, it's either Valor or Ruin (Book 2 or 3), but I can't remember which. They're both good-- actually they're all good, so it's really hard to remember which one stood above the other. My favorite characters would have to be Cywen and Storm, though I did like Veradis (I sorta see him as a sweet puppy in my eyes haha) and Corban. (SLIGHT SPOILER AHEAD, LOOK FOR NEXT PARENTHESIS FOR END OF SLIGHT SPOILER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW MY LEAST FAVORITE CHARACTER) My least favorite character, without question would be NATHAIR. Seriously, I despised him throughout all the books. I was always waiting for him to have some sort of redemption in my eyes, but he never redeemed himself to me. The amount of texts I sent my cousin ranting about him is probably absurd. Seriously, I think I remember saying something about wanting to push him off a cliff just high enough to break all his bones but not kill him so that he would just have to lie there dying. Anyway... More on that in the spoilery section of the review just so that you know... I don't spoil everything for you. (SPOILER OVER) Anyway, those are my thoughts on this series! If you're interested in the slightest, don't be afraid to pick Malice up! And if you're bored during Malice JUST PUSH THROUGH IT. It'll end up worth it, I promise you that. SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE SERIES I'm sorta lazy so I'm just gonna copy and paste some of my texts to my cousin about this series haha. (About the disappointment in the lack of showing relationship development) "Like Fidele and Maquin... You don't really get to see the development... You see them meeting and you know they travel together and all the sudden they're in love and willing to sacrifice anything for each other. You know it's happening in the background but there's no good lead up." ​ "Or Veradis and Cywen. You know they travel together and have been talking but you don't actually get to see any of it." Interesting fact: Veradis and Cywen were actually the only relationship that I actually did fall in love with. the rest I didn't really actually feel much connection to. I spent MANY late nights saying I'd read till the next Cywen chapter, or saying I'd read until they reunited... Only that took a VERY long time haha. And then much to my irritation-- actually anger-- there was never actually any good romantic pay off, despite the fact that I waited two long books for them to reunite and then when they do NOTHING HAPPENS. They barely interact. UGhhhh. Here's a cleaned up text that I sent about that "And I'm also pretty pissed about Veradis and Cywen. I literally wait two and a half giant books for them to be reunited and when they do nothing happens. Then at the end of the book I'm like cool, maybe some interaction? Nope. They still don't get together. It's strongly implied they WILL because they think about each other so often, but nothing actually occurs. Just another example of how the plot revolves around all just action as opposed to having some focus on the characters' relationships with each other." And on my opinion on the finale: "Very epic, had fun reading it BUT as a finale I was a bit disappointed. Right after this huge epic battle it just feels rushed to finish it-- I'm not left with the closure I was expecting and feeling like I needed. Perhaps an epilogue would have done the book good as it would help wrap up some loose ends and leave me a little more satisfied." And if you're wondering about my Nathair hatred. Wow. That's an endless well to be diving in to. In fact, I'm not even going to post the majority of my texts about them seeing as they are pretty evil with LOTS of cursing haha. I just thought Nathair was so full of himself, on a power high for the majority of the first few books. I really was looking forward to seeing all of that come crashing down, and when it did I thought it might open the door for some great character development that might actually lead me to liking him. Unfortunately... when it came crashing down for Nathair it didn't matter because HE STILL CHOSE TO BE A DICK. UGh. Also I was hoping for MORE from his death scene since he's been such a big series character, but it ended pretty quickly for him. Good that it was Veradis that killed him though. Don't have much to say about the prophecy stuff other than to say I LOVE that it wasn't a real prophecy and that it all ended with just humans being evil as opposed to it being about gods. (Yes, Asroth was involved, but it was Nathairs choice to CONTINUE ON and all his choices actually that lead to that war. ) Anyway, those are my scattered thoughts. Thanks for reading :) Anj

[wits-writing]

Avengers: Endgame (Movie Review SPOILERS)

Avengers: Endgame, directed by Anthony and Joe Russo with a screenplay by Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely, has a clearly delineated story structures, basically splitting its story among three different genres to bring in so much of the scope that’s been built up in 21 previous movies. Even accounting for its three-hour runtime, how much payoff and experimenting with the character dynamics from throughout the MCU’s history has been fit into this one astonishes. Each segment has ways of managing tone and dealing with the finality at play that warrant discussing how they work on individual levels. I’m going to try something different by doing exactly that with this review, followed by highlighting my favorite performances in the movie. This will mean spoilers, but the stuff I want to discuss requires that and I won’t give away the biggest moments Endgame has up its sleeve.

Final Warning: If you don’t want to be spoiled on anything about Avengers: Endgame, turn back now but know this is a satisfying finale for everything the MCU has built.

[Full Review and SPOILERS Under the Cut]

Act 1 (Prologue/Post-Snap World):

The prologue of the movie effectively tells the audience what the movie will not be about. When Captain Marvel (Brie Larson) arrives at Avengers HQ after saving Tony (Robert Downey Jr.) and Nebula (Karen Gillan) from being stranded in space, Endgame goes through the motions of the most obvious follow-up to Infinity War. The heroes regroup with their new powerful ally to kick Thanos’s ass properly this time around with the intent to get the Infinity Stones and undo the Snap. Things get complicated with a revelation when they go to find Thanos on the idyllic planet he’s retired on after achieving his twisted idea of “balance.” The Mad Titan used his second act with the Infinity Stones to self-destruct them, so the Snap can’t be undone. After Thor kills Thanos in a swift act of rage, the Avengers are left with no solid idea of what their next move will be.

That’s when the next major reveal of Endgame’s premise occurs, it’s set five years in the future from where the prologue left off. The time-skip effectively jumps us into a new status quo the characters have settled into and how some have dealt with the Post-Snap world better than others. Some of the Avengers had more invested in the mission than others and either desperately seek a new one or completely close themselves off due to lack of purpose. Others have managed to find renewed purpose through rebuilding their personal lives, finding a sense of balance and moving on, even if guilt over being unable to stop Thanos has stuck with them.

This act represents the movie at its most somber and considerate. Even the humor that does manage to creep into this part of the movie is more subdued or the product of characters lashing out in frustration. We get the most time inside the heads of the characters in the opening stretch and we’re given a sense of what they still have to lose in the aftermath of their greatest failure. However, things shift gears into the second act, when the heroes get the chance to start making things right.

Act 2 (Time Heist):

Endgame starts reintroducing the type of fun that’s more expected from the Avengers movies by way of reintroducing the audience to Scott Lang (Paul Rudd), aka Ant-Man. He emerges from the Quantum Realm after the mid-credits cliffhanger from Ant-Man and the Wasp, but the five years only felt like five hours to him. After catching up on what he missed and reuniting with his loved ones, he decides to go to Avengers HQ with his revelations about the Realm and how they could use it to bring back everyone dusted in the Snap by tracking down the Infinity Stones throughout time. Which ends up meaning the Avengers taking a tour through the events of past MCU movies.

The buildup to the actual trips through time transition from the more dower tone of the opening by turning the middle of the movie into a heist. Like any decent entry in that genre, it begins by bringing the team together. This is where the last couple of heroes that haven’t made appearances in the movie yet make their return and they’re the ones in more amusing positions post-time-skip. Some of the team use this as a chance to pick themselves back up as having a new mission breathes new life into them. Others still have some heavy lifting to do in that area that has to wait until they’re already on the MacGuffin quest. They determine which times are best for picking up the Stones as efficiently as possible with the limited resources at their disposal.

Once the time travel begins, how much an audience member gets out of it will inevitably be tied to how much they have invested in the MCU as a series and the entries being revisited in particular. I can’t be impartial about how well this would work for the casual fan of these movies, since I’ve watched most of them multiple times over the years. It’s about as blatant as fan service can get and represents the movie at its lightest tone overall. Even if specific events aren’t being revisited, there are nods, winks and cameos from past characters aplenty to go around as Endgame pays tribute to every storyteller that’s added something to this universe. My personal favorite bits come from how the movie uses this time to answer retroactive questions of “what was X-character doing during Y-event”, especially during the part that revolves around the Battle of New York from The Avengers.

It’s not all jokes and continuity nods, since going through ones own past presents plenty of opportunity for self-reflection. Characters get the chance to see how far they’ve come, reexamine their regrets and bring relationships with other characters full-circle. The exact mechanics of what can and can’t be done in the past are loose but usually in service to the character arcs being brought to fruition. Since it wouldn’t be a heist or a time travel story without something going wrong along the way, this is also where the buildup for the final act of the movie occurs.

Act 3 (Final Battle/Epilogue):

If the second act was examining the MCU’s past compared to how far they’ve come, the final act is about showing off the full spectacle of what’s been built from that past. It’s a sight to behold as stories get payed off and called back, all while the scale grows to a level that makes the battles from even the biggest superhero movies of the last twenty years look miniscule by comparison. The cathartic execution of this battle is awe-inspiring and goes beyond anything else I can remember seeing in my life. All of it leads into the movie’s epilogue as the characters are left to consider what they’ve sacrificed to win the day. The final stretch of this movie emphasizes a sense of finality on par with the multiple epilogues from Return of the King. Even as the MCU inevitably continues after this, there’s a sense that the story that began with Tony Stark in a cave with a box of scraps has concluded.

The Characters:

Since Endgame’s mainly a conclusion for what began with Phase 1 of the MCU, the original six Avengers get the bulk of this movies character work. Keeping things focused to a core group of characters makes this movie ultimately feel more satisfying for them than Infinity War, where they were mostly a reactive force to Thanos’s machinations.

Tony’s presented as the one with the most to lose before they go on their time travel mission, since he’s put the most work into rebuilding his life after the Snap. When he’s first presented with the time travel plan, he dismisses it as a pipedream of a Hail Mary pass. His own desire to make things right eventually wins out and he’s the one to put the finishing touches on the devices that make their mission possible. He’s paired up with Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) for the mission as it takes them on a tour of the intersections in their personal histories. Theirs is probably the strongest of the segments that makeup the second act of Endgame and serves as a worthwhile reconciliation for the two after their falling out in Captain America: Civil War.

Thor (Chris Hemsworth) has been stuck dealing with witnessing everything he ever defined himself by crumble with the weight of his failure to stop Thanos as his breaking point. He’s given up on any version of Thor he thought himself to be in the past, not the arrogant prince we first met him as nor the hero he became. He’s retreated from himself and that makes him the most reluctant to go along with the plan to fix everything. His depression is played partly for laughs and given signifiers of letting himself go like overeating and alcoholism. It’s likely a divisive decision to do this with Thor, but I enjoy the way it pays off. He also continues his great dynamic with Rocket Raccoon (Bradley Cooper) from Infinity War, which plants Rocket in the rare position of being the mature one in the situation.

Natasha (Scarlet Johannsen) spent the past five years actively throwing herself into mitigating the chaos caused in the wake of the Snap. She’ll take any problem as an excuse to keep herself busy rather than dwell on how her efforts to do the right thing as an Avenger added up to a zero-sum when it counted most. In the time between those dilemmas, she’s busy tracking down Clint Barton (Jeremy Renner). He lost his entire family in the Snap and it broke him. He’s gone on an international killing spree of any major criminals spared from being dusted. The two reunite for the sake of the mission and are both prepared to give up anything to make up for the sins of their respective pasts.

Bruce (Mark Ruffalo) is probably the character there’s the least to say about. The position he’s in after the time-skip is amusing. He’s managed to make peace with his Hulk-side and now permanently hulked-out with a more affable demeanor overall that suits Ruffalo’s performance perfectly. It’s a fun decision, showing one of the characters taking the perspective granted by experiencing a cosmic tragedy to work through his personal issues but it leaves him with little to do but exposit about the plot mechanics of time travel. There are some great bits where he struggles to imitate the past-Hulk’s rage to stay incognito on their time travel mission that make this decision the most worth it.

Aside from the original Avengers, the character given the most material to work with is Nebula. The character and Gillan’s performance have been a consistently underrated aspect of the Guardians of the Galaxy movies, but the spotlight she’s given here makes her best showcase yet. The time travel segment ends up showing how far the character has come since her first appearance. It’d be difficult to discuss much more without going into further spoilers than I have already, but she’s definitely Endgame’s secret weapon for why it works as well as it does.

Conclusion:

Honestly, I don’t know what else to say at this point. Avengers: Endgame makes an effective celebration of everything the Marvel Cinematic Universe has built up. If you’ve read this far past my spoiler warnings already, you’ve either already seen it and made up your own mind or wanted more details about what the experience of this finale is like. This is a curtain call on eleven years of evolution for superhero movies as a genre and I’m happy I got to see it happen. Part of me will never believe they actually pulled it off, but they did and these characters have earned a permanent place in film history for it.

If you like what you’ve read here, please like/reblog or share elsewhere online, follow me on Twitter (@WC_WIT), and consider throwing some support my way at either Ko-Fi.com or Patreon.com at the extension “/witswriting”

[majorxmaggiexboy]

i recently remembered a film my brother and i watched several times as children, and that got me thinking about the other stuff we would watch. most of which seems kind of weird on reflection. we don’t actually have any of these anymore, so just for funsicles i’m trying to think of the films and see if i can remember any of the details before actually googling them.

     Live Action

Two Brothers - a couple of tiger cubs are captured by poachers or something and separated from each other. one is trained to perform in the circus and is also fed candy by some guy, the circusmaster is an absolute [censored]. the tiger learns to jump through fire which is important later. the other cub is given to a little boy (TERRIBLE IDEA) and is a pet for a while until he’s sold to someone else. the tigers are eventually reunited but then they’re chased by people with guns who try to trap them by setting things on fire BUT because the first tiger learned not to be scared of fire he shows his brother how to jump through it and they escape and are reunited with this other tiger that has a hole in her ear from a really close call with poachers. i think she’s their mom.

Gunther and the Paper Brigade - idk if it was knock-off Newsies or what but like there’s this kid named Gunther whose brother keeps an ant farm and said the line “did you know that all the ants in the world would weigh as much as all the people in the world?” and i think they’d just moved to a new house but Gunther joins some kind of newspaper group and at first he is AWFUL at delivering papers like he just slings em any ol’ place but then he gets into a sort of war with a bully and i think somebody orally siphoned some gasoline at one point and the brother’s ants definitely came into play and in the end Gunther was really good at delivering papers. He rode a bike. at one point he’s hanging out at the mall pretty often for some reason and his brother teases him about it.

Ben Wagner - Uhhh family moves to new town, kid has an older sister and a younger sister, there’s a freaky adult at the school who said the line “Wagner. Waaaagner. I’ve got it. The name is now set. in my. brain....,,..”  Benny’s miserable for some reason but he meets a kind of mysterious girl who takes him to visit her elderly relative but to get there they have to walk across a log that’s across a river/waterfall type of situation. the elderly relative says something to the effect that if they all stand on one side of the house it’ll tip over. Ben regularly visits these people. His dad gives him some chores but he half-arses all of them and the dad walks him around to each thing (like the car that was supposed to be washed, the garage that was supposed to be tidied, w/e) and goes “you did a lousy job”. The older sister wants money for something but hasn’t saved up her allowance so she demands money from Ben and says the line “I bet you have tons of money squirreled away”. He goes to visit the mysterious girl and her relative but his little sister follows him and falls off the log bridge so he jumps in the water to save her and he manages it but then they’re both in the hospital.

No More Baths - Guy runs a club for kids and has some rules in place specifically to keep the kids safe but one kid breaks the rules and winds up getting himself hurt so the guy who just wanted to do nice things for the community kids gets straight up ARRESTED and his dog is put in the pound and the whole thing was some racially-motivated bull and the kids aren’t having it so they protest by refusing to bathe and i think they get to testify at the guy’s hearing too and anyway he wins so then the kids go play in some water bc they haven’t washed in weeks.

Goosebumps: Night in Terror Tower: Some dude is a little too enthusiastic about explaining to two children how the Rack works “It stretched, annnd streeettched, unTIL HIS BOOOOOOOOONES, WERE PUUULLLLLLLLED...poP. Right Out Of Their Sockets. :) “ and then those kids get chased around by some dude who wants to kill them or something. they try to buy a bus pass but they have medieval currency and the girl’s like “Our parents wouldn’t give us play money” but then they wind up in like actual medieval England. I think the girl’s name was Sidney.

Bunch of Assorted Wildlife Documentaries: idk there was a thing about an elephant painting and a lot to do with dolphins idk i think there was a bit of Steve Irwin in there too

     Cartoons

The Gallivants - like Divergent but with very Orange ants who are assigned a career? or pick out a career? but when they reach adulthood they’re all supposed to develop something called a “kabump” which is like an extra segment for their creepy insect bodies. They wear shoes and their limbs can have either pink stripes or blue stripes. they might wear gloves? anyway the protagonist is named something like “Shando” and he doesn’t develop his “kabump” on time so it’s scandalous. His friends desert him or something.  I think he wanted to be a musician and so makes himself a fake kabump but he plays the saxophone a little too vigorously or something and makes it come off, at which point he’s shamed and rejected by literally everyone but at some point he also tries to work in construction but accidentally breaks stuff and is told “You’re not a Con-struct. You’re a DE-STRUCT.” then he wanders around in a labyrinthine cave fighting a two-headed creature called something like, The VanterViper that wants to kill all the baby ants or something at i think in the end he’s appointed like official Mom of all the babies or something of that nature

The Ugly Duckling - Standard retelling of the classic tale, this one was created almost exclusively to sell Crayola products i’m pretty sure. This version has a baby swan just trying to live his best life but then a bunch of [redacted] sing at his adoptive mom about how “one bad apple spoils the batch” and he either runs away or gets kicked out. then he runs into a mouse who wears boots and has red hair and she proceeds to call him “Ugly” as if that’s his name, for the entire rest of the movie. He winds up inside a house at one point and two freaky looking cats sing at him about the importance of having “a high IQ” i think a church burns down and he saves the mouse? over the course of the film he gets more and more swan-like in appearance and maybe works for a theater for a little while and then everyone loves him.

Scamper - a bunch of penguins are trying to hatch their eggs but then they’re attacked by...something....and one penguin feels bad about losing some eggs so he takes someone else’s but then admits what he did and returns the egg to its real parents and everyone mourns the loss of their children while being grateful for the survivors. when the eggs hatch there’s like a little pink penguin and a little bluish penguin and they’re friends, they’re learning to slide during Penguin School but then they get captured and wind up on a boat and there’s a dog. They eat really tasty-looking crackers out of bags and are terrorized by the ship’s crew until they manage to escape and find their way back home to their grieving parents.

Willy the Sparrow - a sick (literally and figuratively) young boy has fun bullying a cat and being a [redacted] to birds but then an elderly woman turns him into a sparrow to teach him a lesson. He meets other birds, all of whom have decidedly human heads of hair, including an old man sparrow who teaches him to fly. he winds up challenging the former child-leader-of-the-sparrows for power using his human smarts to amaze them all and eventually leads an attack on the cat who rightfully holds a massive grudge against him. idk he like helps them find food or something and then gets turned back into a human maybe

The Seventh Brother - a young child is moving to a new place and brings her puppy, but somehow his carrier is knocked out of the car??? or something?? and he winds up lost in the forest but is rescued by a large family of rabbits who teach him how to act like a rabbit. He saves one of them from being carried off by a bird but then begins to die of malnutrition as dogs can’t live on the same diet as rabbits for any length of time. also, he rescues a former tormentor from a creepy-as-hell predator and is badly wounded in the process, prompting the rabbits to band together to get him home to his owner. they succeed and he’s pretty much cured by one (1) bowl of puppy food.

Some Blue’s Clues Special: idk whatever’s the one with the treble-clef and the treasure hunt where the ‘treasure’ turned out to be Steve’s grandma’s cookies that you can tell the exact taste and smell of just by looking at them and also the grandma made an appearance too

That Weird Puppet Cat in the Hat Thing with the grouchy bird who had to be taught how to play pretend but then was pushed into a panic attack when the group was playing pirates and he imagined it too vividly so then they explained that he could change the story at any time and also at one point they played a game called “pass the yawn” and the bird just went OFF more than once

Some cartoon, i think it was Anastasia, where at one point someone’s taking some stuff away and the girl says what on reflection i think might have been “My luggage!” but at the time i thought was “my lungs!” and i spent the whole movie thinking they done straight up confiscated the girl’s lungs.

The Swan Princess - and i remember nothing except the way Odette would say “Darren!” and the fact that she spent a lot of time as a bird and there was a puffin. also Darren was one of my early crushes purely because i liked his name.

The Secrets of NIHM 2: main character’s name was Timothy and was one of the first characters i mentally fanfic’d about. there was some song that was like “Just! say! Yes!” where i think he was being pressured to do drugs or be experimented on or something but mostly i remember him singing “I am my father’s son” and me being so confused thinking “well yeah?? Who else’s son could you be???”

idk some Thumbalina thing all i remember is “Deary! Marry the Mole!”

Friggin’ Barbie Rapunzel there was a purple(?) dragon and Rapunzel liked to paint and that movie was where i learned the word “adequate” and i’m still mad at that woman for being so rude like lady. who raised you. where are your manners. i think the dad dragon wanted the purple dragon to hate humans or something idk

some other film where there was a very definitely purple dragon but i can’t remember any details so it’s just going to haunt me forever but it was like a small-ish purple dragon.

[darkershining]

DarkerShining’s thoughts on the Pretty Cure Movies: Futari wa Pretty Cure Splash Star: Tic-Tac Crisis Hanging by a Thin Thread.

Hey everyone! Since I had some spare time and was having trouble making progress on my fanfic stuff, I decided why not do another one of these. This time, I’ll be talking about the Futari wa Pretty Cure Splash Star movie. It’s a bit shorter than the other movies in the Pretty Cure franchise, for some reason.

Like I did when I did my thoughts on the two Futari wa Pretty Cure Max Heart movies, I rewatched it and took some notes underway so I’d remember anything I might want to bring up.

And just to warn you, I will basically be spoiling the entire movie under the Read More link, with some spoilers for Splash Star in general as well. Okay, let’s go!

Plot:

The story begins with Saki being late for a meeting with Mai due to oversleeping, as the two of them have entered a karaoke contest. While waiting for Saki to show up, Mai notices a nearby clock store and decides to take a look, taking an interest in an old grandfather clock. Saki eventually makes it to the meeting place, but can’t find Mai. She eventually heads to the clock store to confirm the time, and meets up with Mai. The two don’t have time to discuss the situation as they’ll be late for the contest.

The opening credits play as the two try to get to the contest, Saki eventually suggesting a shortcut. However, while taking said shortcut, they come across a mysterious man who asks if they know where the oldest clock in the area can be found. Mai realizes he must mean the old grandfather clock, and Saki gives him directions to the clock store. Flappy and Choppy briefly sense a negative energy, but as it came and went so quickly, the girls decide to just keep running to make it to the contest.

The mystery man reaches the clock, and opens a portal to The Land of Clocks.

Saki and Mai have just missed the deadline for registering for the contest, but manage to convince the people there to let them in anyways. Saki is relieved they made it in time, but Mai reminds her that they didn’t actually make in time and the judges just let them in to be nice, and that Saki should’ve made sure to make it on time since entering the contest was her idea. They get into a small argument as Saki explains why she was late and Mai explains that she only left the meeting place for a few minutes. Kenta shows up and wonders if something is wrong, but the girls insist everything is fine. Kenta reminds the two that they must have harmony if they’re going to sing together, and wishes them luck.

While the guest judges for the contest are giving a speech, Saki and Mai get into their goofy animal costumes to prepare for their number, but both are visibly troubled by what happened earlier. When it is time for them to get on the stage, both are suddenly struck with stage fright and wish time would stop.

Time does just that.

The girls wonder what just happened, and why they and their fairies are the only ones unaffected. Saki wonders if it might be an Uzaina’s doing, but Flappy and Choppy don’t sense any nearby. Saki tries to lighten the mood by jokingly bringing up all the possibilities of everyone else being frozen in time, but Mai isn’t in the mood for such jokes. Flappy and Choppy wonder why the girls aren’t getting along as well as they usually do.

Two other fairies resembling a turtle and a rabbit are suddenly thrown out through the large clock. As they both hurry back to the clock store, the girls follow the two in hopes of getting some answers. The fairies head back through the portal, which sucks in the girls and their fairies as well. The two new fairies are surprised to have company, but don’t dwell on it for long as they need to get back to the Infinite Clock.

The girls learn how the Infinite Clock in the Land of Clocks keeps all time moving, but the hourglass will soon run out of sand if they don’t do anything about it. The turtle and rabbit introduce themselves as Hours and Minutes, but don’t seem to agree on what their team name is. The villain, the mysterious man from earlier, shows up, surprised to see Hours and Minutes back so soon after he threw them out into the Land of Greenery.

He introduces himself as Sirloin, a villain from Dark Fall. When he sees that Saki and Mai are clearly familiar with Dark Fall, he realizes they must be the Pretty Cures. Saki and Mai realize they messed up when they gave Sirloin the directions to the clock store, but can’t seem to agree on which of them was the most at fault. Flappy and Choppy remind them it doesn’t matter, since there’s a villain to fight.

Sirloin reveals he intends to let the sand in the hourglass on the Infinite Clock run out so time will stop permanently, so that he can have everything to himself in a world of complete silence. Saki and Mai are of course not okay with this, and transform into Cure Bloom and Cure Egret. They fight against Sirloin, but with the two of them out of sync, they are soon overpowered. Hours and Minutes try to intervene, but Sirloin simply traps everyone inside a purple void inside his suitcase.

Cure Bloom, Cure Egret, Flappy, Choppy, Hours and Minutes find themselves trapped in a large maze, with Sirloin claiming it’s an endless maze that they’ll never escape from. Cure Bloom remains optimistic, and says that since there was a way in, there must also be a way out. So, they begin searching for a way out. However, Moop and Foop have been separated from the rest of the group. They happen to come across the Clock Spirits, whom Sirloin had also imprisoned after removing them from the Infinite Clock.

As the Cures’ group continue exploring the labyrinth for a while, Cure Bloom starts to become discouraged and wonders if there even is an exit, causing Cure Egret to point out that Cure Bloom was the one who said there had to be one. Cure Bloom is worried about Moop and Foop and wants to find them first, while Cure Egret thinks they should continue focusing on finding the exit.

After a brief argument on the subject, Cure Bloom starts to walk away in frustration. However, an Uzaina suddenly appears and attacks Cure Egret. Cure Bloom hurries back, but Cure Egret is no where to be seen. The Uzaina knocks Cure Bloom along with Flappy and Hours away, while Cure Egret, Choppy and Minutes get trapped behind a door and transported to a different area.

Cure Bloom wonders if her low spirit power is because they’re in a different world, but Flappy reminds her how much of the Pretty Cures’ power comes from their bond, and while they’re separated, their power weakens. Worried about their friends, but lacking the resolve to keep going and blaming themselves for the current situation, Cure Bloom and Cure Egret’s transformations wear off. While the two of them are having their Heroic BSOD, Sirloin talks about his plans and how he looks forward to total silence.

Flappy eventually talks some sense into Saki, as does Hours who is worried about Minutes. Choppy and Minutes do the same for Mai. The two girls eventually resolve to find the other and sort things out. Saki calls out for Mai, and her voice manages to reach Mai in the distance. Mai calls out for Saki, and soon the two begin hurrying to where the other is. Moop, Foop and the Clock Spirits also hear their voices, and begin making their way towards the sound.

Saki and Mai finally reunite, but nearly fall, only to be saved by the Clock Spirits. The Uzaina reappears, and the leaves on its head fall off to reveal a door. They realize the door might be the exit to the labyrinth. Saki has the Clock Spirits carry her to the door, but Saki is unable to open it on her own. Mai eventually drops down and helps her open the door, and together they manage to free everyone from the labyrinth within Sirloin’s suitcase, much to his shock.

Hours, Minutes and the Clock Spirits immediately start heading back to the Infinite Clock to prevent time from stopping, with Flappy, Choppy, Moop and Foop trying to stop Sirloin from stopping them from doing so. However, Sirloin traps the Cures and their fairies in a pillar of sand to stop them from interfering any more.

Saki and Mai apologize to each other, holding hands. They gradually transform into their Cure Bright and Cure Windy forms as they reaffirm their friendship. They soon escape the sand pillar, leading to Pretty Cures VS Sirloin part two. This time, with their spirit power fully restored, the Cures are the one who get the upper hand. However, Sirloin doesn’t go down that easily, and takes on a stronger form for the third round.

Even so, Cure Bright and Cure Windy refuse to give in, since everyone’s futures are at stake. They charge up for a Spiral Star Splash, with Hours and Minutes giving them some additional power. The Cures fight against Sirloin, give the obligatory speech on teamwork and protecting the futures of everyone. We get some epic visuals as the Infinite Clock resonates with the Cures, causing some sort of spirits based on the Eastern Zodiac to appear and join in on the final attack, defeating Sirloin.

With the Infinite Clock fixed, the Cures bid their new friends good-bye. Time is moving again, and Saki and Mai find themselves back on the stage for the contest, and they perform the ending theme.

The Characters

All right, let’s talk about the movie exclusive characters, Hours, Minutes and Sirloin. The Clock Spirits are essentially just like the spirits of the different Fountains that the girls rescue throughout the series, except that they look like different clock parts, so there’s not really much to say about them.

Hours is the more temperamental of the two fairies from the Land of Clocks, being quick to show his frustration with Minutes. However, when they’re separated, he openly shows concern for his companion. So, I guess he’s basically a tsundere towards Minutes.

Minutes is the more laid-back of the two, and even while separated, doesn’t lose his cool and is certain that Hours is out looking for him, showing that he clearly knows how his partner really feels.

I like how their moments with Saki and Mai highlights the different aspects of their personalities and how close these two fairies really are, even if they don’t always get along. Their designs are cute too.

Sirloin’s design is pretty cool, and I do wonder how he managed to get an entire labyrinth into that suitcase of his. Regardless, what’s really interesting about him is how his goal is pretty similar to Gooyan’s in some aspects. Both of them desired a world of total silence, although their exact idea of what this entails and their methods for carrying out their goal is quite different. While Gooyan intended to destroy the entire world, Sirloin sought to stop time. Of course, neither of them stood a chance once the Pretty Cures got involved.

My thoughts on the story

It’s not really the best of the Pretty Cure movies, but for what it is, it’s okay. Since Saki and Mai are usually getting along pretty well in the series itself, some might find their conflict throughout the movie to be a bit out-of-character for them. I guess both of them being a bit stressed about the karaoke contest in the beginning might’ve played into that, though.

The movie has some nice visuals, such as the design of the Infinite Clock, Saki and Mai’s gradual transformation into their Cure Bright and Cure Windy forms just before the climax, and the end of the final battle against Sirloin. Cure Bright and Cure Windy didn’t actually get a new form for the final battle as Pretty Cures tend to get in the movies, though.

If I were to make a guess about where in the timeline the movie takes place, I’d guess sometime before Michiru and Kaoru were rescued, since neither of them appear in the movie. Other than that, all I can tell is that it takes place during the second half of the show.

So, yeah. It’s an okay movie, I guess. Not much else to say. Maybe I’ll have more to say about the next movie I talk about. Next time, I’ll probably talk about the Yes! Pretty Cure 5 movie, The Mirror Kingdom’s Miraculous Adventure!

[what-lovely-scales-fandom]

I THINK I CRACKED THE CODE

The big Gabe and Jack retcon from about a month ago basically completely rewrote the history of both characters, and I thought for a while it made everything make basically no sense. Like we had one confirmed and two theoretical catalysts for the hatred these two feel for each other: in order, Jack taking the job that by rights should have gone to Gabe, Gabe leaking the Blackwatch files to implicate Overwatch, and Jack throwing all of Blackwatch under the bus to try and save Overwatch's reputation. This retcon eliminated ALL of these things without changing their current blood feud.

But it DID implicate a certain third party.

No no, the other third party.

Or, well, to be more accurate, their superiors in the UN. See, Gabe's feelings about being passed over for their white golden boy have been totally rewritten. THE ACTUAL PASSING OVER HAS NOT. Which means that although the grudge between GABE AND JACK is no longer connected to that incident, a grudge between GABE AND HIS UN SUPERIORS is as plausible as it ever has been. Even if Gabe didn't mind taking the job in Blackwatch, the fact that he was passed over for racist reasons A) still has to rankle and B) is probably a symptom of larger problems between Gabe and his UN bosses. And if Moira really was hired by Gabe acting independantly, especially with him most likely putting McCree on the ground in Uprising against orders as well, that implies a possible history of Gabe telling his racist bosses to stuff it, something that they DEFINITELY would not take too well. And whenever that happened, who do we have as Gabe's newly-retconned stalwart companion to go to bat for him?

Jack Morrison.

The UN's own specially-chosen golden (white) boy.

They would have been PISSED.

And then things get eighty-five times worse. The Blackwatch files are leaked, and suddenly Gabe and his entire crew is a gigantic PR liability. Except Jack is STILL FREAKING DEFENDING HIM, and this time not just to the UN but to the GENERAL PUBLIC. Which is making Overwatch, and by extension the UN, look increasingly complicit in Blackwatch's dirty work.

(Which they ARE, but the UN doesn't want to admit that.)

And they can't just sack Jack; he's their golden boy, the face of Overwatch, specially appointed by them, which means A) it would kick up a huge fuss both in Overwatch itself and among the general public, and B) it would accomplish virtually nothing because even after being fired, Jack is still going to be the face of Overwatch to most of the world. If he's still defending Gabe, whether as a legal member of Overwatch or as an unattached citizen, then Overwatch and the UN are still going to look complicit to far too many people.

A couple months later, Gabe and Jack both meet up in an Overwatch base that explodes rather spectacularly.

You see where I'm going with this. The UN (and to quickly clarify this doesn't have to be the whole UN; even a few rotten apples here could spoil the whole bunch) used their contacts to bring Gabe and Jack together to a target that could be remotely detonated. Two birds, one stone. Before the retcon, this theory would have had some holes; Gabe might have been a liability, but Jack was Overwatch's golden boy. He was talking down Gabe and his work as not reflecting on Overwatch's principles, calling Blackwatch a crew of rogue agents, putting his popular face to the claim that Overwatch was a good thing, and generally doing everything the UN wanted him to do. Risking Jack's life, even to get rid of Gabe, would have been a rough pill to swallow.

Now they're BOTH liabilities to Overwatch and the UN.

It can even explain the sudden animosity between the two men; the UN had resources, and connections in both Overwatch and (assuming a popular theory) Talon. They could have gone to great lengths to make sure the two were certain that it was actually their counterpart contacting them to ask for a meeting. They would have HAD to; after Gerard was murdered by his own wife, security would have been at an all-time high and the two LEADERS would have ESPECIALLY been looking for signs of betrayal or a setup. If Gabe and Jack were both absolutely CONVINCED that they were being called up by the other, though, the one person they were SURE they could trust, they would be certain to head over straight away to where the UN's trap was laid.

And if they were absolutely CONVINCED they were being called up by each other, when they were suddenly interrupted by a bomb -- possibly before even meeting up with each other -- the logical conclusion would be that they were betrayed by that same person. That the UN members whispering to Jack had been right all along, Gabe was bad news and couldn't be trusted, that he really WAS after Jack's position and his spotlight. And that Jack had been listening to the people who didn't like Gabe more closely than Gabe would ever have guessed, that he really was willing to team up with the other UN members and put a PR liability like Gabe in the ground, that Jack really was just like so many other white men Gabe had dealt with in his life: selfish and cruel pretending otherwise. Gabe and Jack trusted each other implicitly, but that doesn't mean that the stress of running Overwatch and Blackwatch during the media circus everything turned into wouldn't have put a strain on their relationship; this one moment could confirm all the darkest fears both men didn't want to admit they'd had about each other.

And then Jack turned up again under his old supersoldier ID, Soldier: 76, having survived the blast with only some minor scars, having turned into a violent, dangerous criminal in the aftermath of Overwatch's fall. "Soldier: 76." It couldn't be anyone else. And if even JACK would betray him so heartlessly, if even JACK could be violent and cruel and selfish, who else in this whole goddamn world could be trusted? In agony from his new spliced genes malfunctioning and turning against him, transformed into some sort of monster, betrayed by the people he trusted most, marked for death by the organization he gave his life to, Gabe turns to Talon because they're the only ones left who might take him in. The people in the UN and Overwatch both became heroes off of his and Blackwatch's dirty work, then tried to sell them down the river as soon as it started making them look bad. The person among them he thought he could trust more than anyone turned out to be the worst traitor of them all. If Talon wants Overwatch dead, Gabe is happy to offer his services.

And he reunites with Moira and what's left of Amélie. He meets Sombra. They give him something to live for, almost. It's nice for a man who wants more than anything to die.

(His anger at Jack stemming from one sudden betrayal rather than steady rejection and coldness also makes Gabe's difficulty following through against Jack a lot easier to explain. He hates Jack, but he also loves Jack, and most of his memories of Jack are positive. Coming face-to-face with Jack probably sends his emotions haywire.)

(As for why he keeps throwing his fights against Winston, I've got nothing. Maybe he just REALLY loved the zoo gorillas as a kid? Possibly he thinks that as a scientist Winston's got better odds than most of finding a way to kill him. Plus the fight over Doomfist's gauntlet wasn't really one Gabe would've wanted to win anyway, Doomfist's ideals not meshing with Gabe's at all. The fight in Winston's lab at least gave Gabe intel on Overwatch agents to kill.)

(Of course it's possible Gabe just hates Talon more than Overwatch and figured sparing Winston, the new leader of Overwatch and the current biggest thorn in Talon's side, would do more good in the long run. Overwatch can always be destroyed once Talon is stopped, but if Talon starts a new omnic crisis that'll be a hell of a lot harder to put down.)

Meanwhile Jack is hunting for Overwatch files, anywhere he can find them, any information he can find, because he HAS to know how deep this rabbit hole goes. Maybe it's just his own sentimentality, but he CAN'T believe that Gabe has just been evil this whole time. Someone must have pushed him. Someone must have made him go bad.

Then he starts finding evidence of UN ties to Talon. And then Gabe shows up, WORKING for Talon. Which basically confirms all his worst fears: the UN was dirty, Gabe was dirty, they were all working for a terrorist organization. And Jack had been too, without ever realizing it. Which goes a hell of a long way in crushing a man's belief in A) his own status as a hero (if he ever even was), B) Overwatch as a whole ("Bring back Overwatch... what's the point [if they're just going to be subverted by corruption and ties to terrorist organizations again]."), C) the powers that be and the laws they create (hence "I don't play by the rules anymore"), D) idealism in general (as his idealism just made it easier for him to be manipulated by the friends he trusted and the organization he believed in), and E) most of all, a world worth saving. Whether Gabe was always a Talon agent, whether he was turned at some point after becoming the commander of Blackwatch, whether he was recruited right before the bomb went off... does it make any difference anymore? Gabe was the best this world could ever have to offer. He was everything Jack thought was worth saving. And he's a bad guy. If Gabe can be bad, what even qualifies as good? What even matters anymore? Because it's not anything Jack could name.

(My section on Gabe's aftermath is so much longer than Jack's haha even if I don't hate Jack nearly as much as I did before you can def tell who my favorite of the pair is.)

(This also manages to fit with the retcon and raise the possibility of Gabe and Jack eventually reconciling WITHOUT requiring literally EVERYTHING Gabe does and says to be an act to fool Talon. Always a plus.)

[chrismaverickdotcom]

The Melodrama Between Us (The Mountain Between Us Review)

So a big movie was released today and I’m sure you’ve all been waiting for me to talk about it. I’ve been waiting for it for quite a while. Ever since the trailer first came out and it just looked awesome. Obviously I’m talking about The Mountain Between Us. What else were you thinking? Wait, there was another big movie that came out today? Bah, who cares about that? Ok, fine… I saw it too… I’ll get to it later. But I’m going to do them in the order I saw them in.

So yeah, I actually was looking forward to this one from the moment I saw the trailer. It just seemed like a cool concept. Based on the book of the same name, it is the story of two strangers, Idris Elba and Kate Winslet, are trying to get home when their flight is cancelled. He’s a doctor with a very important surgery scheduled in the morning. She’s a photojournalist trying to get home from assignment because her wedding is tomorrow. So they charter a plane only to have it crash in the mountains and then they must rely on each other for survival. Drama ensues.

Or melodrama.

This is one of those films that it is more or less impossible to review without spoilers. I usually hate to give spoilers, but really the basic premise of the movie is pretty much right there in the marketing material. I already gave you the basic concept. Except for the “twist.” Honestly, I don’t think most people who bother to read my reviews are going to go see this anyway, so i figure it’s ok to spoil it. But this is your last warning. So if you don’t want to know, I’m about to tell you. Are you ready?

They fall in love.

Stunned, aren’t you? You’re not? You expected it all along by virtue of the fact that the movie stars Idris Elba and who’s not going to fall in love with him if you’re trapped on a  mountain? You expected it all along by virtue of the fact that the movie stars Kate Winslet and pretty much every movie she’s ever been in has been about someone falling in love with her. Yeah… well, that’s kind of a problem with the film.

See, it’s not really a survival thriller. That really should surprise anyone, even though it was kind of marketed that way. The film just sort of screams “chick flick” even though it’s pretending not to be. And it’s not just a chick flick. It’s damn near a Lifetime movie. Only it’s a lifetime movie produced on a $35million budget. It probably didn’t need to be.You didn’t need stars of this caliber to make the movie work. In fact it would have been fine with some aging stars from 90s, like any other Lifetime movie. In fact it might have been better.

Not better acted. The nice thing about the film is that Winslet and Elba are really fucking good actors. And they give it everything they’ve got for this movie. It’s just that script isn’t up to it. It’s not bad or anything. It’s just that there’s not much to it. The plane crash happens pretty early on and then there’s a lot of exactly what you might expect from a  survival movie. You know, a lot of man (and woman) vs the elements with quite a bit of “we need to move or we might die” vs. “we should stay here so that the rescuers know where to find us” and throw in a dose of “but no one is looking for us because no one knows we were here since we didn’t file a flight plan.” This might be a little compelling except for its all just overly obvious and convenient and was all ruined but the trailer. So you pretty much just see it all coming and it seems kind of forced. And two lesser actors could have gotten away with it maybe. But part of me just couldn’t help feeling that Elba and Winslet could both do better than this, and it kind of distracted me from he film. In fact, I had a hard time forgetting that I was watching those two actors, which is why I keep referring to them by their real names and not their character names.

On top of that, they’re both very very attractive, and so you spend a lot of the movie just waiting for them to fuck.

See… I say stuff like that a lot. I’m all about fucking. I think everyone should fuck. Really, fucking is great. If you haven’t tried it, I highly recommend it. And see, from the moment the plane crashed and they were stuck together just sitting in the snow with nothing to do for several days, I found myself asking “why aren’t they fucking? God knows if I were trapped one a mountain with that dreamy Idris Elba, I’d fuck him… I mean, that dreamy Kate Winslet… yeah, that’s what I meant… really… I’m straight, I swear…”

But see, I think stuff like that all the time. I’m always looking for sexual tension. And a lot of times people say I’m just writing sex int things where it has no place.

And then they fuck.

Yep. Did you see that twist coming?. You did? Yeah… I thought so.

It’s sort of unsatisfying really. It feels a little artificial. They’ve been trapped together on this mountain for like a month. Becoming friends and growing closer as they rely on each other. But not really romantically. The film actually does a pretty good job of not making it all about sex for the first half. But after a month of being bored, they have a small argument, and the Idris says he needs to get some firewood. But instead Kate kisses him and then he forgets all about firewood and they have some nice grimy, haven’t showered in a month mountain sex. You know, as you do.

Then they make their way down the mountain and are rescued. The lesson here kids, is that if you’re ever trapped int he wilderness with someone, fuck right away. It gets you back to civilization faster.

Really, they have to make it down the mountain… because if they don’t how else will Kate be reunited with her fiancé? Because that totally has to happen so that there can be some new drama between her and Idris’s relationship. Oh yeah… he loves her now. Did I mention that? Apparently because she fucks real good. Seriously, we’re not really given much more reason than that.

This is kind of a thing with movie sex. Movies want sex to always be about a relationship. And I mean, fine, I get that some people need a relationship to want to have sex. But they’re not the same thing. And this movie, like many others (I complained about it in my Wonder Woman review), uses sex as sort of a short cut to say “and so they’re in a relationship now.” “They’re totally in love!” “They must be together because of how they had sex that one time!” It doesn’t work like that. Seriously, someone volunteer. I will totally fuck you. You’ll have a great time. And yet I assure you, we won’t be in love… at least no more than we were before. Or at least I won’t be. And that might have made the movie better. If they had gotten down the mountain and Idris was totally in love because that was some quality fucking and Kate had just said “Dude, sorry… I mean, the fucking was great and all, but I had been trapped on a mountain near death for a month and I just got really horny. So I’m going to go get married now. See you when I see you!” And roll credits. Now THAT would have been a good twist.

But that’s not what we get. Instead, the film decides that as an audience we need a romantic subplot that resolves in a happy ending. So when they get down the mountain, Idris wants to profess his undying love. But the fiancé is there, so he doesn’t. So Kate goes off with fiancé and Idris never returns her calls because he doesn’t want to get in the way of the marriage. And this shit goes on for another half an hour at least. It’s supposed to be dramatic. We’re supposed to feel torn up because these star crossed lovers can’t be together. Instead, I just kind of feel bad for her fiancé because dude seems kind of nice and he really has no idea what’s going on. After Kate eventually leaves him, she meets up with Idris for dinner so they can discuss their relationship and how they fell in love on the mountain — yes, they both say it in these words because apparently they saw a different movie than I did — but they can’t be together because… umm… reasons? Like, I guess… I mean, there’s no good reason at all, Kate just announces that they’ve both moved on even though they haven’t, and when Idris tries to say that he hasn’t, she walks away from him… so they both walk off in opposite directions lamenting the love they lost (you know, from that one time they fucked)… and they get a block away from each other before they realize that this is stupid and there’s actually nothing stopping them from being together, so they both turn and run back to each other so they can finally be together! I think… the film cuts to black and rolls credits just before they kiss each so they probably got together… or maybe an asteroid destroyed the earth. It’s actually not totally clear.

That said, I didn’t actually hate this movie. It’s hard to say it’s bad because Elba and Winslet really do a  good job with what they have to work with… at least up until that their act where they’re off the mountain and there are no stakes whatsoever. It’s a melodramatic waste of time, but they do their best to sell it without overacting. In fact, their performances are almost subtle given what they’re working with. If you’re a survival movie fan, it’s kind of by the numbers, except for the last act which will annoy the hell out of you. If you’re romance melodrama fan, its probably a little slow and you might feel like it drags a bit. But on a good note, you get to see Kate Winslet and Idris Elba fuck, and that’s worth something, isn’t it?

★★⅖☆☆ (2.4 out of 5 stars)

I promise I’ll review that other movie when I wake up.

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The Melodrama Between Us (The Mountain Between Us Review) was originally published on ChrisMaverick dotcom